#(feels like this anon is doing something similar)

[russilton]

Huh crocheter George... I can see him doing it and he seems like a person that would make stuff for his friends?

Someone gave Carlos a crochet chili? So something like that

Obviously first to like Alex and Lando etc and now I want Lewis to be a bit jealous and offended that everyone seems to be getting something self made from George from him (except of course, it's fine to give something with potential mistakes to your best friend and other friends but to someone like Lewis? It would have to be perfect which means improving a lot before you dare present something....)

(Anon I have been working on this for months now- since you sent it, but you can’t complain it’s late or that I made it knitting instead of crochet since you got what is in essence, fic) (un-edited because my wife is sick, there was no planning, just vibes)

word count: 4679

It started as a stupid way to prove to Alex he did in fact have artistic skills. Somewhere between grainy YouTube videos and detangling knots it became a way to decompress between sessions, it made for good practice with repetitive actions and not making mistakes, something in following stitch patterns that isn't that different from memorising turns and breaking points.

Incorporating new colours and designs teaches him to build patterns in his head that help with race planning. It's surprising how much the skills intersect. The only problem that arose was just how many scarves he ended up with.

So, George makes everyone scarves. Everyone gets a scarf. It’s a straight line and easy to follow. He has to get rid of the results of his labour somehow.

Aleix? Scarf. Bono? Scarf. Marcus’ scarf has extra fancy tassels. Riki’s has his first ever pole time embedded in it in little pixelated number shaped stitches. Mike’s scarf is almost as long as he is tall, George finally conceding it was long enough when he ran out of yarn at that weekends race. Shov’s scarf is connected in a loop, when asked, George teases ‘it’s because you’ve been here forever, Andrew.’ and has to duck out of the room and set off running before it gets pelted at his head. Shov does keep it though, along with one George manages to slyly pay Anthony to slip into his bag for Jenson. Toto gets sent home with scarves for Susie and each of his children. His is hidden at the bottom, so George doesn’t have to look him in the eyes when he finds it.

George only has to squint at Fred with red ears and nose, on a chilly Silverstone test day huddled up beside Mick in their boyband style white puffers, before he’s handed a black and silver scarf a week later. It doesn’t matter how much he protests being from a northern circle country, if Valtteri got a scarf so does Fred.

The fact Valtteri’s attempt was one of his earlier ones and has a finger sized hole in it is of no consequence. After all, Alex’s scarf has more holes than it has clean runs, but George just tells him it’s to get him used to the Williams style of living. If James Vowles' scarf is a lot neater, George challenges Alex to go and fight him for it.

Charles gets one in a red so vibrant it almost glows, though it’s not until after a summer break, George wouldn’t be caught dead working with Ferrari red in his garage, even now. Mick’s is a similar red, if paler, patterned with a grid of white stitches, and he looks surprised when George drops it in his lap, but it morphs into his wide bright smile when George just nods at him. Even Nicky receives a scarf in Williams blue with little wonky maple leaves patterned in white down the length of it mailed to him after a particularly stressful season opening. Nicky's girlfriend sends him a photo of him wearing it while they stand in snow up to their ankles. It feels good to know he's doing alright.

Eventually George’s scarves get more and more complicated, new patterns and shapes appearing as he pushes the boundary of his easy little plans, and finds new ways to occupy his mind during the hardest parts of the season. Eventually even drivers George knows a little less well find themselves with an unlabelled gift George gets snuck to them— Yuki and Guanyu both have the good sense to not question it too hard. Esteban texts him a middle finger, but he doesn’t get it back.

Even Roscoe gets a scarf, perfectly shrunk in size for his boxy head, rows interwoven with yellow and purple that he wears proudly as a bulldog can for a modelling photo in his home in LA alongside Angela who’d been more than excited to partake in George’s unspoken mission. The Bulldog looks stylish and comfortable despite it not being even close to the right season for it. He’s a professional after all.

—

Lewis gets nothing, which, y’know, he’s fine with. Roscoe got one so that kind of counts, and he’s been told he’s hard to buy for with his eccentric fashion sense, doubled by the fact he has enough money that even he doesn’t know what to do with it all sometimes. He’s worn more scarves than most people have ever owned, the majority of them handed to him by his stylists and then neatly returned that same week, their loan period from the brands vying for his attention ending without much fanfare.

He’s only kept one or two that particularly held his interest, and while Lewis doesn’t know their exact price, he knows that they probably cost more than one of the team's laptops. While Lewis has long been comfortable with his wealth, every now and then it still catches him, like a missed tag in a shirt, itchy and distracting.

This was one of those times.

When he’d first seen the scarves popping up around the garage, in the early part of that season when they’re still racing in deserts and countries close to the equator, he assumed its a new fashion trend he just isn’t aware of yet. It doesn’t make sense to him the way trends usually do; the heat of the climate combined with the way all of them are so varied and different. The only connecting factor is the handmade air to them, holes and sloppy loops peppered across the lengths. He even starts to wonder if one of the mechanics partners was sending them to races with gifts.

Lewis is used to purposefully distressed fabrics, so it takes him longer than he’d care to admit to realise what’s going on. He really should have noticed when Bono got one, as notoriously intolerant to modern trends as he usually is, but it isn’t until Valtteri of all people texts him a photo of himself with one tucked around his neck and newly trimmed mullet on a cycling trip between races that he finally cracks.

———

[VB sent an image]

LH: Where the hell did you get that thing, I keep seeing them everywhere

VB: This is a moustache Lewis, you should be familiar with the concept

LH: Har har

LH: wise ass.

LH: I meant the scarf

VB: Ask your boytoy

VB: it was him who threw it at my head in Spa last week

LH: George???

VB: who else

LH: don’t call him that- since when is he buying everyone scarves?

VB: but you knew who I meant didn’t you

LH: answer the question

VB: I’m pretty sure he made it, there’s a lot of holes

LH: Since when does George knit?????

VB: these sound like questions for YOUR teammate, I have pedalling to do

VB: 👋➡️🚴‍♂️

LH: what the hell man

LH: did you seriously just ghost me rather than answer

LH: fuck you

LH: and your secrets

LH: I hope tiff beats you

LH: 🖕🏾

[Valtteri BottASS liked a message]

——

The conversation with Valtteri leaves him even more confused than he was before. Despite the fact he now has even more questions swirling around his head, he does not ask George what’s going on. The last thing he wants to do is find out why he’s been excluded from the man himself. Lewis chooses not to question exactly why that is.

He’s also glad he hadn’t asked his stylist to find it for him like he’d planned to, containing his mild embarrassment down to just Valtteri, who he’s reasonably sure won’t tell George he asked about it. Valtteri may deeply enjoy fucking with Lewis, but not enough to have a conversation with George about it. If there’s one thing Valtteri objects to on all levels it’s being involved in… whatever is going on between Lewis and George.

Lewis isn’t quite sure what it is either. They’ve been dancing around each other for years now, Lewis isn’t quite sure when George turned from colleage to friend, and he really doesn’t know where they stand now they’re teammates who spend almost every week together in some form. The formality of clear labels was lost somewhere in the late night strategy sessions and food shared at different tables across the world at every hour of the day, from late breakfasts in Qatar to eyes-barely-open meals at 3am in Singapore. He wouldn’t call George his best friend… but he’s not sure he would call George just his teammate anymore either. He’s George. Whatever that means.

That lack of definition bites him in the ass sometimes, such as cases like this one where he has no idea what he is to George in return.

In his final year with Mercedes it had only gotten harder to figure out where they stood. In the years prior it had been a little easier at least, they'd had their ups and downs as they fought the car and worked hard not to fight with each other, but they'd always settled somewhere level. George's warmth toward him had felt unshakable.

Now it feels like they're both in some kind of pendulum motion, sliding from a desire to keep some distance, to make it hurt less, to an almost clingy need to soak up the time they have remaining together. It feels silly really, it's not like Lewis is retiring, he'll still be there, a couple doors down from George...but he can't escape the reality of knowing it'll be different.

Coupling that with his already complicated and grief heavy emotions about the entire team, and the fact their needs don't exactly line up most weekends, it's been a hard year. Lewis is pretty sure he's pulled George into more hugs this season than he has any other teammate before, but that didn't stop the sting of weeks where George seemed to catch a glance at him and turn tail and run for his drivers room. He doesn't feel particularly emotionally intelligent, but the slip of pain and something pinched in George's too clear eyes had been plain as day.

He knows there's nothing he can really do about it other than let George feel what he feels, but it still felt like a balm when George would grab his hand after a good race with that crazed joy in his eyes he always got, sweat practically flicking off every strand of his hair, and smile so bright it shone reserved just for Lewis, rubbing away any awkward moments from that weekend, like when George had winced when Lewis as squeezed his hand in greeting in Silverstone, mumbling something about sore fingers that Lewis hadn't understood.

Coming into their final races together as they do now, every movement feels amplified, every gesture and discussion hangs with the weight of being potentially his last with his team the team. Thoughts about George and scarves get lost in the heat of desert tracks and a cloying grief he finally has to face head on without the facade of getting through the year. He's not sure he's ever felt this emotional in his life. Leaving Mclaren had been a breath of fresh air and a weight lifted even if he'd loved what they had achieved together. Leaving Mercedes feels like moving away from England for the first time, unsure of what will be on the other side, or if he'll be able to make somewhere foreign and so different feel like his home again. Unsure if he wants to.

George seems to almost disappear behind that. Lewis figures he's giving him time to say goodbye to his team uninterrupted. Despite the fact George had been part of the Mercedes family in a way almost as long as Lewis has driven for them, they both know there's something different about it, and he's thankful for the space. He can press down the guilty, aching and confusing emotions he has about George into a box in the back of his mind to be handled late. He doesn't have time to unpack Georges furtive, almost nervous peeking at him between monitors when he's listening to Shov present their debrief for what might be the last time.

That's does however leave him ultimately unprepared for when George does finally demand his attention, by appearing on the doorstep of his drivers room after they're wrapped up for the evening, qualifying finished and preparations for the race day concluded, with what appears to be a colourfully wrapped lump in his arms.

Lewis is still blinking at the shiny obstacle between them, overhead lights glinting off the chrome coloured paper, when George speaks.

'Sorry mate, I hope I didn't interrupt anything did I?' His voice is oddly high pitched, sounding a little like when Lewis knows he's trying to lie to Toto about how much sleep he's had.

'No man I was just packing up for the night'

'Mind if I come in before you leave? It won't take long I promise,'

Lewis murmurs a quiet uh sure as he steps back, gesturing George inside and then shutting the door behind them as he see's curious eyes in the engineering bay start glancing over toward them. Even Bono, Mike, and Marcus, still clustered in the corner as normal poking away at their laptops seem to be looking over, trying and failing to seem subtle as if Lewis hasn't had over a decade to pick up on what Bono looks like when he's trying to listen to gossip.

In the privacy of Lewis' drivers room George spins around to face him and before he can even ask what's going on, George is pushing the thing he brought with him into Lewis' grasp

The parcel isn't too dense, but there's a weight to it that feels like it has to be good deal heavier than the wrapped scarves Lewis had watched George pass out in the past, and it looks at least three times the size them. Lewis barely has a second to try and figure out what it is before George’s fingers twitch toward him, like he’s itching to pull it from Lewis’ hands and unwrap it himself because Lewis is being too slow. Wordlessly, Lewis holds the package back out, gesturing for George to go ahead, and rather than steal it back out of his hands, George crowds up into his space to start unpicking the paper.

George’s wrapping handiwork has never been strong, but Lewis can’t really pay attention to that when George is this close, towering above him but seeming almost small in his nervousness. The moment feels strangely intimate as George slips those long fingers between his own crumpled tape job, tugging the attached parts free until he pulls back the final fold to reveal his signature woven handiwork.

George steps back then, leaving Lewis holding his presented gift in a cradle of paper. Out of the corner of his eye Lewis sees him twist and wring his fingers together as he watches, but Lewis can barely focus on how George might be feeling as a wave of... something hot and warm rushes over him.

The lump turns out to be a jumper. It's a bright mustard yellow, rich and bold. Or at least, part of it is, the arms and chest in one continuous colour that ends abruptly partway down the torso when one line stops and continues in a slightly paler shade. The difference is almost imperceptible, and likely would hidden entirely if the colours weren’t butted up against each other like this, juxtaposed the way they are. Towards the hem of the thing, the colour shifts again, one step lighter for the last handful of rows falling at the waistline, the changes creating a gradient down the body. When Lewis traces it with his eyes, he can spot small areas in the neck and wrists where the pattern falters, warped patches that correct quickly but don’t quite line up with those around them. Rather than make the whole item look bad, there’s an odd personality to it, a touch of handmade individuality compared to a lot of the pristine items Lewis gets handed by his stylist, not a spec of lint in sight despite the fact they aren’t headed to a closed catwalk, but a dusty paddock.

As his fingers lift the folded bulk of it he spots a little detail along the neckline, a tiny, almost unnoticeable LH in a dark gold colour that would settle in line with his ear. Surely enough on the right side, there's a tiny 44 in the same font, the pair crowning his shoulders. Twisting the woollen form again, he sees there are tiny stars stitched into the cuffed sleeves in the same colour. There's seven by his count, and an eighth peeking out from the inner band where it would press against his wrist.

He's not sure how long they've been stood together now, silent but for the rustling of paper and the jumper as Lewis studies George's work. As he finishes his inspection he becomes aware of the anxious energy practically radiating off George in the silence that the same man finally snaps and breaks.

'I know its uh, pretty hot where we are but I figured, when you get back home- I mean when you get back to England you can- I tried to finish it earlier but-' George stumbles, words sounding unsure and faux light before Lewis interrupts him

'Did you make this?' He breaths, fingers pressing into the stitches as if it might tell him instead.

'Yeah, I wanted to make something... bigger. I know it's not quite what you're used to with the fashion stuff but I thought...well I don't know what I thought' George explains, words trailing into a lilting mumble. When Lewis' eyes dart up to meet his face, George's cheeks are glowing even in the low light of the one lamp he'd left on, face twisted as if braced for a blow. Like he thinks Lewis is going to be mad at him for this, somehow.

'George...man...'

'Sorry- It's stupid I know, if you don't like it I'll take it back, I won't be mad, I swear-' George isn't looking at him anymore, eyes darting around at his feet and his hands that he shoves into his pockets only to yank them out and wring them together again, fidgeting so he doesn't have to meet Lewis' gaze. His uncertainty makes Lewis' stomach hurt.

'It's perfect'

'I can even save the yarn, it's not actually that hard to unravel- what?'

'It's perfect, George, I really like it' He repeats, grabbing Georges arm with the hand he isn't cradling the jumper with, forcing George to stop trying to climb the walls with his eyes and look at him properly.

'You do?'

'Of course? Did you think I wouldn't like it?'

'I dunno I just- I wanted to make something special.' George rasps, surprisingly wet looking eyes boring into his. That stumps Lewis, and he has to drop his eyes back down to the gorgeous golden knit work, so undeniably a labour of care. It must have taken months, When Lewis was so deep in his own head trying to figure out if George felt anything or was just waiting for him to leave, the man himself was working in secret on something just for Lewis.

'How long did this take you?' He whispers into the space between them, not sure he even wants to know the answer, fingers still wrapped almost too firmly around Georges arm, a little worried George might run for the gates of the paddock if he lets go.

'You don't want to know- since before Imola at least. I normally just do scarves cause uh, they're just straight lines y'know.' George starts tentatively, before the dam seems to burst and he begins rambling 'I had to unpick half of it in October cause I'd counted wrong and it was shaped like a pear- there's still some wrong bits I couldn't fix, sorry about that- and I hope its the right size I had to ask Angela for them and she said they're a couple years old and-'

He continues but now it's Lewis' turn to freeze up, puzzle pieces clicking together in his head as he realises George has been working on something just for him since at least May. For over 7 months while Lewis was absorbed in fighting the car and his own emotions George was working away at something specifically for him, without even being sure if he would like it.

George has started to go off into a tangent about getting knitting needles through airport security when Lewis finally stops him, squeezing his arm.

'Why... why'd you do all that just for me?' He grits out, voice scratching against his raw throat, trying to make eye contact with George so he might read it in his face why the hell George put more effort in for him than anyone else.

'Just for you- Blimey, Lewis, cause I had to say thank you somehow, didn't I?'

'Cause I'm leaving?'

'No! No- 'cause you stayed. 'Cause you made me feel like this is my home too. 'Cause you listened to me and never made me feel too young or not good enough when I made mistakes and you never treated me like the enemy or just some guy across the garage. I know I keep saying it but you probably saved my career-'

'George- you would have been fine without me, you've always been good-' Lewis tries to interject, but George just steamrolls past him.

'Yeah but- you didn't make me figure that out on my own. I learned more in a month with you than three years at Williams. You made me a better person'

'George-'

'Please, I know it's a bit much, maybe, but I just had to do something before you left, so you knew.' George's voice cracks a little over the last words, and Lewis doesn't feel much better, eyebrows furrowed and throat clogging as he tries to choke down the indescribable feeling climbing up his throat and threatening to suffocate him in response to George's frank honesty. He's always been better at being vulnerable than Lewis.

He doesn't know what to say anymore, how to tell George that it was never a hardship to be his teammate, that Lewis was the one who struggled to articulate what George meant to him. That he's going to miss this like breathing and he wasn't prepared for that.

Words have never been his strong suit though, so instead he turns slightly and gently throws the jumper onto the nearest couch, ensuring its landed safely and ignoring Georges noise of confusion before he turns and drags George into his arms.

It's become natural, to hug George, another thing that's evolved over the last couple seasons when Lewis would have sworn himself touch averse for the most part. His arms wrap tight around George, one clutching at the middle of his back as the other skates up to cup around the back of his head, fingers slipping on shower damp hair and George's shirt collar.

George's nose tucks into his neck like routine, cheek pressed hard into Lewis' as he winds a long arm around the shorter man's neck to clutch at his shoulder, the other tugging at Lewis' shirt, gripping like Lewis is going to pull away, as if he hadn't initiated it.

Lewis squeezes harder than he imagines is probably comfortable, but George just makes a wet noise into his neck and digs his head down harder, fingers clutching tighter as Lewis runs a thumb over his hairline. There's a damp feeling growing on Lewis' shoulder but he doesn't care, he's not sure how he isn't tearing up himself, maybe he would be if he wasn't trying to memorise the feeling of how George fits against him.

It crashes over him then, blunt as a hammer, that this is what he's afraid of losing. He's afraid of losing this closeness with George when he leaves, when he's no longer going to be the experienced, advising teammate but just another obstacle on the grid George needs to climb over. He might lose the George who crowds into his space looking for Lewis to celebrate with him this way. He might lose the joy and adrenaline of George flinging himself at Lewis with the confidence that he will be caught, when it might be strange if they aren't teammates.

'I'm sorry' he blurts out, words crawling from somewhere in his lungs, only for George to make a confused noise, trying to pull back and stopping when Lewis only grips harder.

'What're you sorry about' George gets out, words wet and quiet where they are muffled against Lewis' shoulder.

'About this, the hugging, I just-' Lewis starts, but George just laughs at him, damp and a little hysterical, face tilting till their noses are practically brushing so he can look at Lewis from within his embrace.

'The last thing you ever have to be sorry for, is hugging me. You can do it more if you want'

Lewis stares at him for a second, gaze darting over George's lax but wet eyes, and the way his cheek smushes into Lewis' shoulder at an angle that must be uncomfortable but yet he makes no attempt to move away from, and yet another thing clicks into place, very much the theme of the evening. He was clearly teasing, but even Lewis can hear the truth under his words.

He brushes a seeking thumb over the nape of George's neck, dragging across the hot skin there. George shivers, fingers flexing against Lewis back, and that's all the permission he needs to tip his mouth onto Georges, lips slotting together in a kiss he hadn't even realised he'd wanted.

It's hardly picture perfect. George's face is sticky from his own tears and Lewis can taste it on his lips, his own cheeks are hot and itchy, and the angle they're at makes the seal of their mouths messy at best, and yet its the best thing Lewis has ever tasted. The hand George had at his shoulder slips along to thumb Lewis' jaw, pressing over his beard, and Lewis wants to drown in it. All his experience flies out the window in the face of following his gut and holding George as close as he can manage.

The slide of their mouths should really be indecent, wet as it is, and he's starting to think a little about being too loud, when he shifts slightly and George makes a breathy whimpering noise that sends any worries about being overheard right out of his head.

Time melts a little, as they curl together, until Lewis' neck really can't tolerate the angle anymore, and he has to pull back, panting harshly just in time for something to go clattering the the floor outside in the engineering bay, making them both jump and reminding them abruptly that they are in fact still at work, in thrown up rooms with paper thin walls that the cleaning staff are going to want to vacuum soon, as thorough as they are.

'We probably shouldn't be- well- we probably should have figured this out before now' George muses, still sounding awful breathless for an athlete Lewis seen run several miles for fun. They'd pulled apart a little in shock at the noise outside, but he's still gripping Lewis' arm, and there's that bright, beautiful smile creeping across his face again.

Lewis glances just over his shoulder, where the jumper is still lying haphazardly on the sofa.

'I dunno, Man. Better late than never?'

[fakeusernamelol]

Omfgggggg Stanley having such a weird surreal 'chasing who I am seeing my face as a seperate entity because I don't know who I am' artsy movie moment but actually it's just his abusive baby daddy breaking in to smell his hair--

THIS IS SO FUNNY BUT ALSO SAD YOU KNOW ANON???? 🤣🤣😭😭

I do think he could recognise that figure he sees as something very similar to that one guy that lives in the shack and has almost his same face but can't remember his name nor who he was. What was strange for him was seeing him even in other places like the house of his kids or feeling a weird presence near him when he's in the shack.

But knowing he has some troubles with his mind Stanley thought it was probably due to that as well as the headaches and spontaneous flashbacks, can't figure out yet why was exactly that man he was aluccinating with, but it was fine, that wasn't real, there's no one chasing him, right? 😉😉

[bibibbon]

Am I the only one who thinks that Izuku's admiration for Bakugou reminds me of Stockholm Syndrome? It's not normal for someone to have admiration for someone who did so much harm to them. What's your opinion?

Nope, anon, you aren't the only one. A lot of people can be found with a similar opinion if you check the anti bakugo tag or any variation of that tag.

I and many other people have talked about the toxicity of bakugo and izuku's relationship, and I recommend reading @sapphic-agent analysis on those two.

I have said this before in a previous post, but I am pretty certain that izuku after the bakugo vs izuku fight part 2 was supposed to finally ditch bakugo and abandon those feelings of pure admiration and start focusing on himself and healing. Izuku's vision of the perfect bakugo was supposed to break away the minute he entered UA and saw class 1A members like asui criticising bakugo for his horrible personality. However, that doesn't happen, and I think that's because hori changed his mind while writing the manga, which ultimately done more harm than good, as we can tell.

In the end, in a shallow way to try and address izuku's issues of self worth and mental burden caused by bakugo and societal treatment we get the supposed redeemed abuser (who really didn't do much in redeeming himself if iam being honest) telling izuku that he needs to start prioritising himself and to stop giving everyone special treatment. I suppose you can interpret izuku not wanting to work with bakugo as a small win, but that's literally it, in my opinion. I also think that it's a bit funny that SOME people were a bit mad at izuku declining the offer which shows just how much horikoshi has shoehorned bakugo into the plot to make him and izuku stick to one another that the thought of them not working together is unfathomable.

If I am being honest, do we really see izuku give special treatment to people?!?! Or is that supposed special treatment literally just Izuku being a decent human being who is doing his job from the heart and actually wanting to help people?

Apologies this got a bit ranty in the end!

[velvetvexations]

incredible, i just saw a reblog of that "transfem headcanons are always better and sometimes transmasc headcanons actively make the text worse and more hateful" by someone i followed. funny to see discussions arguing against the post before seeing the post itself, otherwise i would have unthinkingly internalized it and felt like shit without knowing why. anyway, i unfollowed that person now. to make it worse, op tore into someone for claiming that chihiro from danganronpa is an exception and better read as transmasc... the irony is insane. yet another example besides miquella that would make the story more boring and maybe worse if transfem.

it's so disgustingly petty lmao

a lot of transfem headcanons are reaches, often "this is literally a man magically trapped in the body of a woman and he hates it and desperately keeps trying to go back to being a man" and it's FINE to headcanon characters however you want but since some people can't conceptualize being a woman as anything other than something they wish would happen to them they take characters like that and hiss if you go near them

i get the sense that there's a very specific, narrow demographic of transfems who used to buy into that reddit guy "being a hot 22-year-old girl must be like having 10 billion dollars" attitude and never really let it go. thus the fixation on "AFAB privilege". isee a similar mix of resentment and attraction from lesbian TERFs, though it comes from a different origin. and it's an attitude that can slide easily into TERFism even for cis men--just look at tatsuya ishida!

If anything the idealization of femininity a small minority of transfems exhibit when they complain endlessly about how good trans people AFAB have it would come more from dysphoria and the grass being greener on the other side. "An AFAB trans person will immediately revert to being an innocent little girl to hurl sexual assault accusations at trans women," however, is really concerning!

Regarding whether "binary privilege" exists, i am once again on my hands and knees begging people to actually look at the statistics. The US Transgender Survey and Cohnting Ourselves (from Aotearoa) are right there. And they both show that all trans people are about as badly off as each other regardless of their specific gender. Yes, there are some ways in which being nonbinary is particularly hard, such as not having a social role to fit into, I'm not denying any of that, but if you're going to call being binary a "privilege" then there needs to be a visible whole-group effect for binary people compared to nonbinary people. And there isn't one when you look at the numbers.

It's not really about non-binary people having it flat worse, more just situational complexities.

The thing about even discussing privilege (binary privilege in this case) is that so many people talk as if to have privilege means to inherently have privilege Over someone else. Like is it an advantage for me to be vaguely binary alligned enough sometimes to have a legal gender marker that is moderately less dysphoria inducing when some people are equally harmed by either? (Tbf I live in a state where x is an option, I simply do not feel safe with that 😵‍💫 (tho that does not help when nothing else other than state id accepts it)) like yeah it's a privilege but it's not privilege Over someone. It does not make me an oppressor or mean I am causing harm, which is a thing many people seem to believe, about various forms of privilege

That's a very good point, anon.

I suppose this isn’t how others I’ve seen think about it but. I’ve always just understood that you can be oppressed for being trans without your gender being affirmed. Like. The bigots understand you’re trans but that doesn’t make them think of you as your gender it makes them think of you as trans. Misgendering is such a huge part of what transphobes do and I’ve never once assumed they were like. Lying about seeing trans people that way. I don’t get acting like transphobes can see our, as you put it, soul gender.

It makes people feel better.

[pearl-blue-musings]

oh, um. I was wondering if you could do this thing where the reader is Shinsou’s comfort character and stood up to him when he was being bullied and all the villain insults. I know it’s not much detail but it would be nice if you could do it! Thanks!

Oh my goodness of course anon!! I love this idea so much. I used a fem/afab reader!

Age 4

The doctor hands your mom and dad a couple pamphlets as they hold back tears. Sitting in your own chair, you kick your little legs and stare at your feet in confusion. The x-ray on the wall shows your bones. There’s nothing wrong with them, you think. And that’s the problem.

There was nothing special about you.

Your parents both had quirks so you thought you also would’ve been special like them. But you’re an anomaly. An outlier. The rest of the conversation is a bit of a blur to you. Your parents had hugged you tightly, and you know that you said that you still love them and they love you. But all that’s going through your growing brain is that you’re not normal.

That weekend, your mom takes you to a support group of quirkless or shunned quirks. Your grip on your mom’s hand is tight as she encourages you to meet some new friends. You glance around shyly, slowly realizing that no one from your daycare or school is here. You let go and trudge along, your little legs taking you to a corner with some coloring books. A boy nearby with distinguishable purple hair sits by himself, and so you proceed to sit next to him. He gives you a guarded look.

You wave and he curls in on himself. “Hi,” you start before you introduce yourself. “My mom told me to make friends here. So I said my name, what’s yours?”

The boy interlocks his fingers and swings his feet.

“Shinsou Hitoshi.”

Age 8

Lunch time was always the best part of the day. It meant you could hangout with Shinsou uninterrupted. The two of you, through the networking of your mothers, realized you live close by and began to walk to school together. The friendship was a bumpy start, but what’s a little girl to do?

“Did you watch the new ranger show last night? It was an All Might special!”

Shinsou nods next to you eagerly, his bento half eaten. His chubby cheeks are full of onigiri as he swallows. “It was so cool,” he emphasized, “but I’m still waiting for the day they talk about Eraserhead!”

You giggle and stick out your tongue. “That’s only because he’s similar to you!” You lightly tease him and keep eating your lunch. “Are you gonna be at the group meet?” You frown as he shakes his head. Since his quirk has developed he’s been avoiding the support group. Why? Does he not want to hang out anymore? They all like him there!

You’re about to respond when a group of girls come up to you and Shinsou. You recognize these girls as the popular ones in your grade with cool quirks to match. Suddenly you’ve lost your appetite. You try to close your bento box and lay down but they speak first.

“Ew,” the ring leader starts, “why is your bento box a hero? You know that you don’t have a quirk right? It should be something lame and boring- like you!” They all laugh around you, pointing and calling you a quirkless loser. You try to drown out their laughter as you shrink in on yourself.

Shinsou stands up and puts himself in between you and the girls. He extends his arms out wide to block them from you. There’s a determined anger in his eyes that many have never seen. “Why don’t you just leave her alone?”

“Because it’s easy-“

The girl stops mid sentence and walks away. That’s when it dawns on them that he had accidentally used his quirk. The other two girls stare at him and start to yell out. “You’re not supposed to use your quirk in class you freak! Undo it! We’re gonna tell the teacher!”

Shinsou blinks quickly as he looks between you and your bullies. He can feel his throat getting clogged up but he removes the brainwashing through the threat of tears. When he sits down, you place a hand on his shoulder and softly ask, “are you okay?”

He shrugs you off and lays his head down. The girls had already called the teacher and soon Shinsou was escorted out of class.

You didn’t see him for a few days.

Age 13

You were lucky to have been in the same class as Shinsou throughout middle school. It was a relief to have someone you know as opposed to having to introduce yourself as the quirkless girl. It was so rare to not have a quirk that you only talked with Shinsou, and some boy online who also was born without one.

It was lonely, but you still did your best to be a normal middle school girl.

You got the trendiest clothes, kept up your grades, stayed out of drama, performed well in sports clubs and music clubs, and best of all you stayed friends with Shinsou Hitoshi. Although your growth was more positive, Shinsou had grown colder. He tried not to be seen around you, would keep to himself more as you began to flourish, and started getting bullied more and more. He tried to keep it from you, knowing you have your own struggles. You didn’t want to press it, and so you kept your emotions about the whole thing to a light simmer.

When different hero high schools began to come to the schools, tension began to rise. Sure, he had a couple of other friends, but the two of you had always maintained a special bond. After the recruit from UA left, most of the chatter was about what they’ll do with their quirks and what kind of hero they’ll become.

“I’m gonna apply to UA.”

Several heads in the classroom turned toward Shinsou, all of them with similar expressions. The first to speak was the “jock” of the class. He walks over to his desk and grabs a hold of the sides. The way Shinsou’s back tenses tugs at your heart as you start to struggle with what to do.

“You? Be a hero? Get real! You have a brainwashing quirk. Only villains do that, and UA doesn’t produce world class villains.” The class around him laughs as Shinsou stares at him blankly. Your jaw drops and you grab at the hem of your skirt. Hitoshi had mentioned the villain thing before but seeing it in person is more cruel than you can take. The rest of the class laughs and jostle him, saying he’s better off applying for a villain academy.

The taunting gets worse and you can’t take it anymore. You aggressively push up and out of your seat. You position yourself between the jock and Shinsou’s desk, arms stretched out wide. Your eyebrows are furrowed as you stare at the bully. “Leave him alone,” you demand. “He’s done nothing to you. Any of you! Anyone can be a hero!”

Another boy comes up next to the jock and stares you down with a smirk. “Oh look, the quirkless loser is standing up for him. Let me guess, he brainwashed you into being his friend?”

“No,” you quickly reply, “but it seems like you’ve been brainwashed into thinking your outfit is decent.”

Your arms start to shake from exhaustion as they stay extended. Your classmates laugh at your insult and it seems the whole thing is forgotten. When they step away, you finally put your hands down and walk back to your desk. Normally, you would have spoken with him but he couldn’t see you cry. Shinsou looks over his shoulder in attempts to get your attention, but doesn’t succeed. As the teacher returns, you ask to be excused for the restroom where you cried into your arms there. Even after all this time, you’re still an outcast.

A few minutes pass and you finally leave the bathroom. As you walk outside, you’re greeted by your long time friend. You pat your eyes quickly and croak out, “Toshi! What are you doing here?”

He smiles gently at you and gives you a warm yet quick hug. “I’m here to walk you back to class. I was worried… and I wanted to thank you. For you know standing up to them.”

You nod and walk with him. Your heartbeat calms down as you walk close together side by side. You take a deep breath as the classroom door approaches.

“I think you’re going to be a great hero.”

[bird-inacage]

While I'd like your theory to be true (as it comforts me!), my one major stumbling block is the scene from the trailer where Bison appears to be forcing Kant to jump off the boat at gunpoint - where do you see that fitting in? I know some ppl speculated it was an act to fake Kant's 'death', but tbh, given the personalised MO (Kant's fear of the ocean as known to Bison), I think it's much more likely to be real and part of Bison's revenge. Now, I have no doubt he'll jump straight in after him despite himself, but sadly I do think we will have to reach that nadir before any reconciliation...

Hey there Anon!

I know exactly the one you mean, and I've actually speculated about this a couple times. You can check out my EP1 meta here where I talk specifically about that scene in question. Now granted, my theory could be completely wrong, but ever since I caught it in the trailer, it doesn't seem to me as simple as: Bison forcing Kant to jump in at gunpoint.

Why I've always been convinced that there's more here than meets the eye is Bison looks surprisingly composed. The way he's holding his stance doesn't look like he's about to execute someone he has very conflicted feelings for. Yes, you could argue he's a professional killer so he would be able to do this stone cold dead. But if we recall Bison's reaction at the end of EP6, the boy is heartbroken and fuming. This is someone he went as far as to sabotage a mission for to save Babe, a mission that would have meant getting revenge on his parents' murderer. Therefore I'd picture him being far more emotionally stricken, anguished or unstable (e.g. remember the way Bison was behaving when he threatened James on the rooftop).

Then factor in that Bison knows about Kant's fear of drowning on top of that, and this would border on torture + death. If this was Bison's attempt to kill Kant for real, I can't imagine him standing so still.

So my theory is this is an act. Bison and Kant are performing. I haven't heard about the 'death fakeout theory' but that would be in a similar ballpark. As I wrote earlier, post EP7 Kant may have made enemies with both the police and Mother. The police if he defies Chris or actively obstructs them from catching Bison. Mother if she also finds out Kant was the informant. She'd have no mercy. So regardless of which is after Kant, something tells me they both planned this. It's risky nonetheless, as Bison doesn't know how badly Kant could panic in the water. But Bison has also coincidentally mentioned he's a strong swimmer. So he'll be the one to rescue Kant.

The other reason I heavily speculate over this scene is that any other moments we've gotten glimpses of from the beach (on set photos and clips) seem to be where Kant/Bison are rather fluffy. So something tells me this is a period of time where they lay low at Bison's hideout (as he suggested to Fadel in this episode), and it's part of Kantbison's plan post-reconciliation to try to escape for good.

But then again I've learnt since Only Friends that Jojo has a pattern of surprising me. So I can't wait to see how this unfolds!

Thank you for the ask! :)

---birdie

[dearlot]

I love the anon who sent thoughts about mermaid!Lottie because now I can't stop thinking about mermaid!Nat and looking at my moodboard of her

https://www.tumblr.com/theprismyyy/758982146787606528/mermaidnatalie-scatorccio?source=share

Mermaid! Natalie would definitely be a half-human child, as if her mermaid mother had gotten involved with her human father (I'm getting Merlia Summers in Barbie vibes). Maybe she could shapeshift into a human form like the girls in H2o, but she doesn't really do that... like, she lived part of her childhood as a human but it didn't work out for her, so she went to the sea where she feels most at peace.

Mermaid! Natalie has a golden orange tail like the girls in H2o...maybe with slight purple patterns that are kind of chromatic, because I imagine each of the girls having different colored tails. The colors of mermaids' tails can indeed be repeated and I think the most common color would be navy blue, while the rarer colors would be orange/gold (like Nat's), slightly grayish purple with details in shades of white and baby blue (like Lottie's) and green with details in blue and purple (like Shauna's, her tail would be similar to Ariel's).

Mermaid! Natalie whose main fun is to make fishermen's lives hell, but not just any fishermen, for example she doesn't do anything to those who do it respectfully, without dumping trash and respecting marine life, without catching more than necessary and stuff like that... now, she loves to make the lives of illegal fishermen a complete hell :)) she's just a little devil with a tail who will tear their nets, pull their fishing rods so hard that they can't pull back and they break or get released, sometimes she just takes the bait off the hooks and leaves them there like idiots😭 she would also scare away the fish nearby and steal any item left on the edge of the boat while they were distracted ;)

Mermaid! Nat likes to peek at the coast of islands and watch people hidden, she finds it fun and I can easily see her appearing to some poor unsuspecting child who was watching the sea😩 she would first scare the child by suddenly emerging from the water, but soon she would start talking to him and stuff :))) some children leave crying with the scare, others leave totally enchanted screaming for their parents to warn them about the "magical mermaid", others are little cheeky ones who engage in a fun conversation with her and ask to touch her tail after promising not to tell anyone <3 in all cases she has so much fun with these little pranks.

Mermaid! Natalie would also steal items forgotten on the sides of any other boat, like a silly hat left by a snobbish old lady on the side of a speedboat :))) Does Nat need this? No, but it's fun and there's always something that ends up interesting some of the girls.

I'm a huge fan of H2O: Just Add Water and I can't stop thinking about this whole AU taking place in the same universe as the series, just in a different time... maybe modern?? Whatever, but think about all the mermaid girls living in the dormant volcano pool on Mako Island😩😩😩 imagine that still around the island there is an entrance to a much larger sea cave that is where they actively live and it's so big and cool<3

Something like this, but completely decorated by the girls with everything they find cool or interesting:

I love mermaids and I clearly got excited

YESYESYES!!! mermaid nat my beloved <3 mermaid nat whose tail can change colors based on how she's feeling? like when you first spotted her, she was kinda surprised and shy, so her tail blushed with hot reds and dark oranges.

maybe reader whose dad is one of those fishermen nat hates??? you go along with him one morning because you really have nothing better to do and you HAVE been wanting to fish for some time. she spots him and scowls, but she tilts her head curiously when she notices you. i think she'd still fuck with you a lil, probably splash some water or hold onto the hook and suddenly let it go so you stumble 😭 but she's just a menace with your dad. he definitely ends up in the water at one point. thinking of spotting her while you're cleaning up and kinda just staring at each other for a moment before she scurries away.

and UR SO REALLLL i loved h2o as a kid bro.....literally top 10 shows ever. thinking about scuba diver!reader who somehow gets injured underwater near the cave and mermaid nat who rescues you!!! dragging you by the fins too because she's kinda apprehensive. maybe she was supposed to be out looking for food and the yjs joke about how it's too early to resort to humans when she brings you 😭 they all help put you on the surface and try to fix your wound, and nat kinda gets attached? idk. thinking of her slapping the other girl's hands away when they try to touch your face or arms because maybe they've never been this close to a human and are curious.

GAHHH. thinking about dates with her in the cave???? nat shoving all the girls out because ur swimming over 😭 bringing a lil picnic basket and a towel to put on the sand so you can lie on ur belly and face her since she'll be in the water and you on the surface. she'd probably decorate the cave with whatever she could find in the ocean and it's so cozy and cool looking 😞

okok i remember the full moon like fucking with the girls powers in the show..... mermaid!nat who turns into a SIREN during the full moon????? thoughts??? suddenly she's so clingy and possessive and maybe she goes onto the surface for the first time in years just to show up at your house.

[lycandrophile]

hey i know your post about your mom was mostly just a personal vent, but i have to say, do you realize that also happens with trans girls and their fathers? literally happened to one of my friends. i’m not trying to downplay your experience or something but i found it strange that you seem to think this is something that only affects transmascs

i have one question for you: so fucking what?

i don’t doubt that trans girls have experienced similar things and yeah, that’s bad too, but what the fuck does that have to do with me and the specific things i’m facing as a result of being a trans man? i never said “look at this thing that happens to ONLY trans men and NO ONE ELSE,” i just said “hey, isn’t this thing that happens to a lot of trans men, including myself, fucked up?”

i would also like to point out that what you’re talking about is in fact a different (albeit similar) thing. the way cis people treat trans people can differ dramatically based on the cis person’s gender because their commitment to gender roles is, like, a major part of problem. the specific way a cis mother reacts to her trans son’s transition is often going to be very distinct, while a cis father will likely respond to his trans daughter in a different but equally distinct way.

what i’m talking about is a very specific kind of ownership and control and self-victimization and total lack of boundaries masquerading as love and care and maternal concern that cis women (i would argue white cis women in particular) project onto their transmasc kids when we do literally anything to our bodies. i’m talking about a phenomenon which is closely related to the way moms often pass eating disorders onto their daughters (or children they view as daughters) because they see a body that looks something like theirs and project all of their insecurities and ideals onto it. i’m talking about a form of parental transphobia and projection that’s specific to the dynamic of a cis mother and her child who was “supposed to” be her daughter.

if you’ve never felt that, you’re not even remotely qualified to tell me shit about how i should be talking about that experience, and if you couldn’t recognize that experience when you read my post, i’m guessing you probably haven’t experienced it because the replies to that post made it very clear to me that anyone who has experienced it firsthand immediately knew exactly what i meant.

like, yeah, cis dads also project onto their trans daughters, but are they likely to have a reaction like running away with actual tears streaming down their face? do you expect them to passive aggressively make comments about how sad their kid’s transition makes them, how it’s such a difficult emotional time, how it’s so tragic because their kid’s body was so beautiful before? do you think their go-to transphobic reaction will be weaponizing their emotions? i’m sure there are some dads out there who are like that, but i think we can agree they’re in the minority because that’s not how cis men are taught to react and parents like this tend to be pretty damn committed to following the gender roles they were taught.

and even if i’m wrong and our experiences are exactly the same, let me reiterate that i never said this was an experience exclusive to trans men. all i said is that it happens to us. that’s just a statement of objective fact.

this started in my life when i got my hair cut short for the first time almost a decade ago and it has not stopped since. i’ve watched my mom cry over me changing my name and respond to being asked if my happiness matters more to her than my name by saying “i care about both”, i’ve watched her melt down in a mall over me getting a suit for prom and give me the silent treatment for days after, i’ve heard her plead with me to stop t because it “looks unnatural” and she’s just so “concerned for my health”, i’ve watched her stare at me post-op and say “my poor baby” over and over like she’s looking at my corpse in a casket. i’ve watched her turn herself into the victim of every single aspect of my transition. i’ve had to live with this for 9 years and spent the early years of the pandemic literally locked in a house with it. this has been my entire adolescent and adult life, and the question of if i’ll have to cut her off someday (and maybe never see my cat or my little cousins who i love more than anything in the world ever again as a result) haunts me every single day.

who the fuck are you to tell me how to talk about that?

[tyrianludaship]

im sorry but tagging the 9/11 joke as 'darkship' is straight up hilarious

[ruelpsen]

If I had to choose between cutting off my hand and redoing grad school apps, I'd seriously consider the hand. Be gentle with yourself, it's a fucking slog. What kind of program are you looking into?

Thank you for the reminder to be gentle. This shit has been stressful, and having for various reasons only about a month and a half to actually do focused work on applying has SUCKED. Not looking forward to potentially having to do this again in the future (it's complicated but I'll explain why in a sec), but I am SO looking forward to two weeks from now when these applications are in and it's out of my hands, as much as the waiting game itself sucks in its own way.

As for programs, I don't want to get too specific. I was a double major in undergrad, and I'm not exaggerating when I say I've literally never met anyone else with those two specific majors. (Ftr one is a STEM field and the other in the humanities.) I want to keep studying both in some capacity in the future, but to make a long story short I'm stuck in a position where I have to hold off on applying to the program in the humanities for now.

As annoyed as I am about the 'long story' part of that, I'm totally fine with prioritizing the program in STEM for now. Hell, in some ways that's a good thing given the limited amount of time I have to work on applications. But at the same time, I've greatly limited the number of schools I'm applying to so I can focus on creating well-tailored applications for their specific programs and faculty, and that means each potential rejection would leave me with a far smaller share of options. It's a bit of a risk, but damn it I'm trying my best to show how strong of a student I've been and that I would work well with their specific people. Hopefully things work out in the end.

I hope your own efforts have paid off too, wherever life has taken you.

[shiraishi--kanade]

hi feel free not to answer this but you're one of the only chronically ill people i know and i probably need to get my blood drawn because i am having Many Issues but i am. super afraid of needles. so basically the question is are needles that draw blood like,, really big? do they hurt a lot? sorry this is probably a dumb question im just terrified auhfguhgahhf

No worries! And in my experience, no not really! My blood draws never really hurt; it's about the same feeling like if your leg falls asleep pins and needles sensations, but only for a split second when the needle comes in and out. If done correctly, you won't feel anything during the actual process, maybe just a bit dizzy & numb. It may sting for a while after the draw (mine still does) but it's really really minor, you probably won't even notice it much. It may also bruise; it's pretty normal too.

The size of the needle varies, though, so here's a word of advice: search out for a more modern, accomodating hospital/lab, and a nurse who works with pediatrics patients, if you can (regardless of your actual age, they are just chiller about anxious people in general imo). Fear of needles is super common and is absolutely nothing to be ashamed about (I actually do well with blood draws but I'm Not Good with IVs and injections, the latter ones moreso than the former), so there is a solid chance they can accommodate you by using a smaller needle or/and local anesthetic (thought I think the last one is... Rarer. My dentist did it, but that man is a force of his own. I don't know how many of his practises are like... Normal).

Getting a good nurse that puts you at ease is so, so important. I cannot overstate it. I don't mean to make this sound bad but I can't lie either, if they mess up, can't find your vein, or just generally suck & rush you & make you feel stupid for asking for accomodations, get up and Leave. Because messed up draws do hurt (not too much, though! I'd say it's comparable to like... Accidentally biting your tongue kinda hurt). I only had one bad experience and I never went to that nurse again.

In general though: the needle probably isn't as big as you think it'd be, it's smaller than the injection ones usually, and you can ask for a smaller one; it doesn't hurt! Actually when I first got my blood drawn from my vein at 10 or so, I was like, wait, that's it? Because of a stupid policy my hospital usually only took blood from the fingertips for kids (don't ask. I don't get it either), and oh god, that hurt Much More than the "adult" one. I was so relieved after being scared out of my mind three minutes earlier. You don't have as much sensation in that area as you for in your fingertips, so if you ever had a papercut and want to compare: papercut hurts more & for longer than the blood draw does.

Good luck to you!! I hope you figure whatever's going on haha. Remember to drink water before the draw to make everyone's lives easier if it comes down to it!

[ilovedthestars]

can i do an extremely personalized ask game? is that a thing people do?

my ao3 is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my murderbot fanfics. all of my murderbot fanfic is in one big scrivener project, which is, at this moment, a combined 205,811 words. (my ao3 posted works, in case you were wondering, add up to 32,327 words.) the individual fics are separated into folders, and there are 42 folders, a few of which are published fics but most of which are wips that have yet to see the light of day.

if you send me a number between 1 and 42 i will tell you a little bit about whichever fic that corresponds to, and maybe post a few lines! yes, this is a blatant excuse for me to get to ramble about my fics, but i'm hoping that might get me excited to finish some of them. or at the very least, tell you all about the cool ideas that i might never finish writing so that i still get to share them in some form.

i have no idea if anyone is interested in the words in my head but me, and I am debating whether this is a weird thing to do. but ask games are fun and i am going to indulge myself in hopes that other people will indulge me <3

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Hi! Could I get your thoughts? I am not Jewish but I really like what I see of Judaism. I love the idea of faith as a thing you do & especially the asking questions and that your actions, not your thoughts, demonstrate morality. I don't think I want to convert, at least not at this point in life, because that's a big commitment & I'm only small-but-persistently interested. I'm jealous of my Jewish friends who can have Judaism as just a small part of their lives. My mom's mom's mom was Jewish and I knooow that in itself doesn't make me Jewish but I feel like there is some connection. Like... my grandma was born in Germany, legally Jewish, and her family only survived and made it here because they got very lucky. I grew up with the cultural heritage of "third generation of immigrants from Germany" but it feels like it should be important that they left Germany because they were Jewish. & like.. my grandma is alive, she and I are close, and just last weekend she was telling me a story abt her self identity which related to growing up Jewish. I don't know whether I would still be interested in Judaism like this if I didn't have a family connection-- I think I would still be interested but it would be less messy in some ways. I noticed you answering other people's asks about being interested in Judaism as a gentile, and I thought that since you're a Jewish convert in progress you'd understand my feelings, & I wanted to tell someone. Thank you for accepting my ask ^^ -🐏

I'm really glad you decided to open up. This can be so personal, and I get where you're coming from. It can be messy, and I definitely don't want to tell you what to do, I think that's something only you can decide, ultimately. Regardless, though, you can always take Judaism 101 classes, you can always borrow or buy books, and you have family that are or were close to Jewish family members - I think it's completely understandable and respectable that you want to learn more about your heritage. I think that's a completely normal reaction, and I hope that you can learn as much as possible from your family.

It's amazing to see your family is doing alright. That's a blessing, and I'm glad to see it. Regardless of what you ultimately decide to do, just know that you can learn more if you'd like. It might be messy, complicated, a whole number of things, but I do hope that whatever you decide is something that you want. I'm glad to see you here

[chryblossomjjk]

I seek academic validation so the idea of not getting straight A's makes my skin crawl. When I learned that at my university a 92.9% equals to 3.67 instead of your typical 4.0 I panicked. I went to a community college in the past and did not realize how different the grading system could be. I am going fulltime next year in a health related program for two years and I am nervous about it since it is in the same university.

Those professors should not exist, like would 0.9 or 0.4 kill them??!! I know I am going to encounter this and I wish us the best of luck 💜. As a reminder to the both us, we tried and did what we could!

Of course the practice couple sits next to each other, they are in luv and who wouldn't be with JK next to them.

Sorry for the ramble!

oh healthcare is difficult but if you push through, you'll have such a bright future with a fulfilling and lucrative career! wishing you all the best sweetheart, you deserve it! <3

something that helped me was doing like half in person and half online courses! unfortunately, my current college will not allow financial aid if u do that lol, but if you're able to and worried about time management, i would definitely suggest it! you got this friend!

[inkykeiji]

i was just completely blown away by your post about agnes and what you said, it really really really resonated with me. i relate to everything you said and i remember reading in a post a while back that he was in the hospital and you felt conflicted about seeing him. i understand that. i also have a complicated relationship with my dad and i just love him so much but i could also be so upset with him because of the things he's done to me and my sister and my mom. oo i can't type too much!! -🧁

oh wow cupcake, thank you so much for this!!! i really appreciate hearing your thoughts, and it’s once again super comforting to hear that there’s someone else who can relate to it as well <33

tw: mentions of drugs + abuse

family in and of itself as a concept can be and often is so incredibly complex, especially when there’s something like drugs and/or abuse thrown into the mix. a lot of people (esp people online, i find) like to act as if these relationships are black and white, as if these feelings and these experiences can be easily and neatly sorted into defined categories when the fact of the matter is, they aren’t, and they can’t. obviously, abuse is bad—this is an objective fact we can all agree on. but when that abuse comes from a family member, a parent, someone who was supposed to be there for you and raise you and love you, it really muddies things.

i love my father, but i do not like him. i am hoping i can find it in me to forgive him for what he’s done to us before he dies, but i’m not sure it’ll happen. i still hold so much anger and bitterness and just generally negative feelings towards him, and in my twenty-something years on this earth i have only JUST begun to work through this shit. and he doesn’t have much time left.

[m1d-45]

hello, I'm sorry I haven't been sending as much asks. I too feel like I fried my brain a little on sunday and if I don't have like new things to comment/write ask about then I don't rlly ask?

idk I want to bring new things into the table so if I don't have any I tend to stay quiet.

midas my love/p your most recent post? chefs kiss. I'm in love by how well you portray each character, especially wanderer since he's one of my favs (lvl 90 and widthsith r5/hes my baby)(xiao and kazuha too, anemo men my beloved)

I'm interested in this Diluc fic you have upcoming, I might wait a bit when it's published until I feel like I can handle the angst. my school has been kicking my ass

teddy darling/p I would love cheesecake, I haven't rlly tried it before but I'm sure yours will be great. also how do you not get scared by analog horror I'm in shock, I have to agree that what midas wrote on alternate! Xiao and zhongli made my palms sweaty and heart race, you both truly have a way with words

I am going to continue studying for precalc rn, but I have some ideas for little writings/art that I might send in later. I'm considering making a blog but idk if I'm comfortable with it.

- 🍄 (why does this feel like I'm in another land sending a letter to my spouses, I hope you have a great day teddy and midas)

[gazing wistfully out the window] when will mushroom return from the war…

off the bat don’t feel obligated to send asks, we’re just guys being pals and it’s ok if you’re silent for a while

second thank you, from one wanderer enjoyer to another (mines at 80/80 bc i need anemo rocks :( ) i’m glad you found his voicelines enjoyable. he speaks very particularly so i was worried i’d get it wrong-

(can’t believe i forgot but anemo men my beloved as well, i’ve been meaning to do lines for xiao)

good luck with your precal, i’ve never done it but shit looks hard. hope you make it out alive /hj