#(even if you're a woman and/or lgbt yourself)

[lesbianchemicalplant]

disturbingly common genre of person I have utterly zero patience for anymore are internet MLs and Maoists who are so intensely “critical” (intellectualized disgust) wrt sexuality and pleasure that they think owning a vibrator is Consumerist Individualist Decadence

[tirfpikachu]

are we just crazy or are lgbt spaces getting legit deranged?????

every unusual experience of sexuality/gender is a valid part of the bootiful qweer biodiversity of the world by default, but you can't be gay/bi/trans and not want to be called the q slur or see cishets say the q slur. and you can't say that you're afab4afab or amab4amab, that's just a creepy bigoted fetish you freak. unless you're transmasc4transmasc or transfem4transfem ofc, you get a free pass. but also kinkshaming is evil and deeply harms the most marginalized. but also make sure you don't have a fetish about genitalia... if you do, it's a "preference" not an inborn trait and you really can therapize yourself into liking it, just try hard enough. if you fail to you're a bigot, so just keep trying!! make sure to feel guilty abt it at least, you dirty homo. but getting beat up can be a cool sexual thing and bestiality or noncon is fine. but actual genitalia "preferences" are bigoted. if you don't call the genderqueer person pansexual instead of bi they'll chew their own arm off and hit you with it and call the cops but don't say you're a female trans man or that you're a trans guy lesbian or link it to being a female homosexual in any way ever okay?! you can't be at peace with acknowledging your sex/agab as a trans person!!!! or feel a connection to lesbian spaces as a trans man or gay male spaces as a trans woman!!! that's BIGOTRY and that's just feeding terf cunts you dumb theyfab. you can't link your cis womanhood to being afab AT ALL either bc that's transmisogynistic and dangerous rhetoric but every other group of gender marginalized folks can define their own identities and have a billion microlabels. you can't say you're not into girldick because not all trans women have dicks dumbass, surgical vaginas are defo the exact same as bio vaginas anyway so if you only like afab pussy & afab bodies you're a gross pervert mocking bottom surgery. and someone's upbringing as a male/amab or female/afab person definitely isn't a huge part of why homosexual ppl are into the same-sex/agab so you shouldn't give a single shit if a transbian flirting with you hasn't grown up facing misogyny or going thru afab/female body struggles or any of that, that has NOTHING to do with lesbianism between female ppl and has no bearing whatsoever on attraction you absolute psychopath. sexes/agabs is just a mix of detached body parts and you can play mr potatohead with it all and if you glued it good enough homosexuals wouldn't be able to tell at all that he used to be a mrs potatohead!! so they'd still hit that, right? homosexuals will go for anything anyway right?? homosexual love obvs can't be any deeper than genitals and fetishes. amab4afab ppl can be homosexual too anyway if they pass as gay irl too so homosexual isn't even a real tangible thing anyways it doesn't involve sex/agab at all and those ppl don't get to be their own specific oppressed class and do their own activism and have agency over their own identity bc they're super privileged worldwide and the enby living as a gender conforming woman in society dating a neckbeard looking for a third is more oppressed than a visibly gnc crossdressing bio guy holding hands with his normie bf. they might be gay but they're not qweer... except to the rightwing ofc!! oh and if you're trans and recently started passing as straight you're more privileged than an afab4amab couple who's lived a hetero til they transitioned! so shut the fuck up and listen to the New Gays. don't call yourself homosexual anymore or you're a cis bootlicker and if you're transmasc you're oppressing every transfem, including ones who have never faced misogyny irl a day in their fucking life!!! just be valid the RIGHT WAY!!!!!! be more queer you dirty normie homo!!!!!!

HAHAH i love it here

[messenger-of-stupidity]

Dude, this is killing me.

I genuine cannot understand how trump voters are choosing this guy. Like, WHY???

This man is a nepo baby and has never worked a real day in his life.

He's friends with Diddy and praised the bastard.

He's found guilty of 34 felonies.

He wants to turn the US into a fascist country.

He was friends with Jeffery Epstein.

He's friends with Elon Musk, a fellow nepo baby who's kids don't even want to associate with him. Who think women shouldn't be able to vote. Who didn't even design Tesla, but just bought it. Who's a massive fucking hypocrite. Who is a hateful bastard.

He hypersexualizes and objectifies women.

His only real defense is anti-immigration (bullshit), anti-LGBT (more bullshit), and misogynistic (surprise surprise, even more bullshit).

He's a horrible person. He doesn't care about this country, or the majority of people in it. He doesn't care about women's bodily autonomy. He doesn't care about survival.

He feeds lies and propaganda to make you think he'll make a change.

The only thing this man cares about is power and winning. And the people that voted for him are supporting that.

And if you're worried about the economy, let me tell you something.

Democrats don't fuck up the economy. Republicans do.

The way the government system works is that every policy takes time. A republican gets into office, and starts putting forth all these policies that aren't really going to take a strong effect until their term is almost up. Then a democrat gets into office and gets the blame for the negative effects that the policy has taken. They put in changes to fix it, which takes time. Their term is up. A republican takes office, and gets the credit for the benefits, only to fuck it all up again.

Also, Kamala Harris can't use tax dollars to fund sex changes for illegal immigants (because we've all seen that one ad). That's not the way the American healthcare system works, and sex changes are done through the American healthcare system. We'd have to be more of a socialist country for our tax dollars to go towards that. (Not that anyone should care about what someone wants to do to their body to feel more comfortable in their own skin.)

This man does not care about this country, so he should not be getting votes. And not voting for Kamala or Trump isn't going to help either. Independent parties pull votes away to give power to the Republicans. Most of the people who vote outside of the two major political groups are liberals. Which makes it more likely for the Republican party to win.

Stop voting for yourself, if you do this. Vote for the people who are going to be affected. Vote for the women who are going to die because they can't get the healthcare they need. Vote for the transgender individuals who are going to be hurt and attacked for something that we should all be sympathetic for. Vote for the people who aren't going to be able to marry those they love. Vote for the people who are going to lose the ability to safely practice their religion.

I've seen so many Republican woman talk about how "well it doesn't affect me, so why should I care?"

You should care because of human decency. Because of empathy.

Also, fun fact, the more educated you are, the more likely you are to vote liberal.

(It's British, but the point remains. I couldn't find the one specific towards US statistics. But it's almost 2 in the morning, so forgive me.)

And one of the first groups to be attacked in a fascist state is the more educated and intellectual individuals.

Secondly... Do you really want this being the face of America for four more years?

[sluttysissyslave]

For Sissies and Alike!

This is a very long post so bear with me, do with it what you wish, forget it if you want to, but maybe, just maybe consider it. So, let me tell you why and how you all became what you are today, and how to go forward. If you feel you relate to it then let it sit, if it doesn't, forget about it.

Most of you developed these feelings when you were alone and sad, your standards dropped lower and lower without you even realizing it, and next thing you know you're fantasizing about being a slut for women, or maybe even men. But what you forgot about, was that originally, you were just searching for female affection, the touch of that girl you really liked but were too afraid to go up to. You became so desperate for love, for some sort of connection that you started modifying things... "Maybe if I submit myself to a woman she will finally love me" you degraded yourself for love you didn't try hard enough to get. And now, behind a digital screen you've found what you call your little safe space, you don't feel like you're alone in this anymore, it's your coping mechanism. You seek validation in a place designed for men to be degraded, not validated. If you started cross-dressing when you were young. Ask yourself: did you get a lot of human connection? Did your parents pay attention to you? You realised that girls receive all the attention, the love you so desperately wanted that no-one gave you when you were young. So you subconsciously realised the being a girl could get you that. When you wore the girly clothes and finally felt warm, and embraced, you just manifested that for yourself over time and when it happened you actually believed it, which is only natural, that's what manifestation does. Your mind tricked you into believing that you found what you were looking for. 

So, we've established that doing sexually feminine things is because submissive thoughts in a gay way is because you crave the love and affection you've been missing in your life. 

Some people call this mental illness, I think that's disrespectful and inaccurate, I say these traits are mental coping mechanisms, and you know what? They feel good, they feel great in fact, but they aren't what you were meant to be, you find solace and comfort in those rushes of endorphins and other feel-good chemicals. But let me remind you, this isn't a long-term solution, you will realize this as time goes on, so you'll go even more extreme to cope, to get an even bigger rush. You need to reconsider, the withdrawal will feel terrible, but the way you are currently going won't get you to the desires you were always meant to have, not the ones you might think you're currently suppressing.

Brainwashing:

Arguably you are truly the victims, but no-one is coming to save you but yourself. You will always be tested, from all sides, it's up to you whether you give in or not. Be strong, don't give in, stand your ground. Trust that there's always a better way, a better option, one that's more rewarding than the path you're on now.

So why are you the victims? Well in modern western society it is being slowly programmed into people from a very young age, as soon as they can absorb information. Ideologies that men are worthless, good for nothing, and that women are superior. I don't want to go into the details of why this is the case because then you'll be reading this until tomorrow, but trust me that it's the case, and let me prove it with an adequate example. Most submissive men (and all woke and other LGBT people are all located in the "rich" west), almost none in eastern and conservative countries. Why is that? They don't have exposure to these things from a young age, it's not that sissies and alike don't exist there, they aren't created. Also they are often poorer than you are, with lots of social security, peace and plentiful resources, people get lazy and weak, those people living in let's say, Moldova, have other things to worry about than putting on makeup and sticking a butt plug up their bum. They aren't suppressing any femininity (sexually), they never had any to begin with.

Let's talk about how you and your thoughts are being manipulated.

Origins in modern pop culture:

Tv shows - the man is always the idiot and the woman is always the smart, reasonable one. That wasn't always the case in civilized history, both men and women were smart and reasonable, their combined traits completed each other's and they could be a strong couple. Let's look at some examples… It starts with Friends - Joey, Chandler, are portrayed as a bit dumb, and the girls generally smarter. The Simpsons - Homer is an idiot, his wife is the real boss. Family Guy - Peter is an absolute idiot and Louis is the brains of the family, a voice of reason. And it's even in shows for little children, in Peppa pig The father is hardly a figure to look up to. The disrespect towards men has been going on for decades, and it really started, rather perhaps interestingly, after the fall of the Soviet Union, but I once again don't want to get into politics or else this post will never end. We are at a stage now where especially if you're white you are almost persecuted for it. You can't disagree when I say all people should be treated equally right? So why doesn't that apply to race. A fitting quote to go by for this would be: "Don't humiliate yourself before anyone, and don't haughty yourself over anyone"

I actually feel terrible for the genuine, kind, trans women who have done so much for themselves and still don't maybe feel good and satisfied. You've had to overcome a lot in pursuit of happiness, and whether you made you right or wrong choice is now irrelevant. Try to live your best life with what you have, and don't look back, it's too late for that anyway, it would only make things worse now. Look towards the future and never look back, do things which make YOU happy, and not someone else.

For dominant women: Don't see this as a threat, there will always be guys who are more submissive, everyone is definitely and spread out all across the scale, you'll find who you're looking for, only men with with low self-esteem want a weak-minded woman who they can control in all aspects of life. Most men like a strong-minded woman, I also want a strong woman. But don't confuse this for sexual submissiveness/dominance, those aren't the same thing. Feminine doesn't mean weak! 

General statement: The world is all butterflies and fairy tales now, enjoy it while you can, it will get worse, wars are coming, political and ideological changes are going to happen and if you are unprepared then, I have news, it won't end well. You are living in a digital jail right now, you are getting affected/manipulated, but at the end of the day you are the one who holds your own phone or opens your computer. Give yourself the power to control yourself, and free yourself of this jail.

IDEAS AND SOLUTIONS

Become the type man you'd want to serve: Often I see people with slight or fully gay fantasies about men, or being outperformed by certain men (women want them and not you. Become that man. It's going to be hard, in fact it's going to be the hardest thing you will ever do in your life, and it won't even come close. Try it, a person should be adventurous in life so why wouldn't you like to feel what it's like being that person? And the best part is, if you don't like it, you can go back to what you were before and say that you've tried it all and found what you really are, but you can't say that without actually experiencing it, not even a discussion. It'll be a process for a minimum of 1-2 years, and will require discipline and self-control, hey that's similar to serving and/or being locked in chastity, both of those require discipline and self-control too. You can do it.

Find yourself: People love talking about finding themselves, I read it here every now and again, "I found my true self here". You cannot find yourself behind a digital screen, you will find yourself by putting yourself in difficult situations, the easiest way to do that is by going into nature. Take a large backpack with only your essentials and survive in the forest for a week. If that's too much, then just go out in the morning, spend the night and come back, walking through terrain and getting to some destination. Maybe you live in a cold climate, in winter go out into the snow and walk around the forests all day. Remember to bring an emergency phone if going to places you don't know too well. 

Estrogen vs Testosterone: Estrogen makes you girly, and Testosterone manly, we know that right? To increase your estrogen naturally you can drink soy product, live an unhealthy lifestyle, and mentally stimulate yourself. You cannot produce as much estrogen naturally as a woman does, you'd have to take supplements. A healthy lifestyle in women increases their estrogen, and a healthy lifestyle in men increases their testosterone. You can increase your testosterone by exercising, eating meat (protein), onion, dark chocolate, a Mediterranean diet is pretty good, and of course getting high quality sleep, (here I am at 3am writing this post - hypocrite, I'm ashamed and I'll work on it).

Reward yourself. When you achieved a goal to becoming your new masculine life, treat yourself to something fulfilling. Whether it's some sort of food or an experience. We all need positive affirmations. You can reflect on what you've done well and what you've done poorly. Like me who wanted to s few important things and instead procrastinated for 3 days, hence, no reward, but as double self motivation I'll do a super big reward after putting myself together and getting all I wanted done (this post was no. 5 priority).

Belief. Believe in yourself that you can do it, your mind is extremely powerful, you give it less credit than it deserves, if you channel it the right way then it was serve you as a great tool.

Energy. Energy is another real, powerful, but invisible thing. Have you ever entered a historical religious place of worship? Like an ancient church in Europe or a mosque in the old Ottoman Empire like Turkey or even spain, a Buddhist or Hindu temple in Asia… they all have energy which you can feel, you absorb things differently with various energies. Or maybe more relatable, you're having fun at an outgoing fun party, you feel good right, smiling and enjoying life. That's positive energy. If you put yourself in environments with the type of energy you are currently looking for, it will help, a lot. I don't mean to say you should be religious or anything, but there's nothing wrong if you are or want to, it gives you hope and a sense of safety and security in its own ways.

Stand up for yourself. Have some morals and beliefs which you like and stand by. Don't be afraid to defend them in an argument.

This is my first authentic post on this website and I was very hesitant to make it, after all no-one might even read what I spent so much time on, but if at least one person is somehow positively influenced then it was worth it. I know that I will probably be reported by someone simply because they didn't agree with what I wrote, and my account will be taken down. If you don't agree with the things I said then ignore them, I made this for people who can resonate with something I wrote (not at all necessarily all of it), people who don't even know why they like the things they like, know it's not what they always wanted but find pleasure in it now. Hence please reblog if you like what you read, it won't be here forever.

If you are unsure or want to discuss anything feel free to DM.

If you want to do some research yourself, start with researching "Subliminal perception". It's absolutely everywhere and affects everyone, like it or not.

I might start positive things with a little political subcontext explaining my points further.

[kalamity-jayne]

Sorry for asking but I am a cis male teenager (well, I thought I was.) but lately I have realized I think I might be a trans girl? I am very scared to drop my masculinity. How did you find out you were trans if that’s okay to ask?

Of course it's ok! I am always happy to help someone who is questioning their gender. However, this is actually a pretty loaded question, because while there is a lot of talk about "when my egg cracked" in trans circles, figuring out you're trans isn't always attributable to any one singular event. Some folks might crack through and emerge from their egg in one swift motion but that is not true for everyone, it certainly wasn't true for me. Sure I could tell about the moment the first crack in my shell appeared, but a single crack in the egg is a far cry from actually breaking out. For many it's a process that can involve a series of revelations and tends to require lots of self reflection and learning how to love yourself. So, there is no quick and easy answer for this. However, I think my story will have a number of different lessons relevant to your question.

Before getting into all that though, I feel I must point out that cisgender folks rarely ask themselves these kinds of questions and when they do entertain these thoughts it's brief and comes with very little agony. The fact you have gone so far as to reach out to trans woman for advice, the fact the you are clearly worried by the prospect of being trans, is a pretty clear indicator that you probably are trans. Regardless of whether you actually are transgender or not, I want you to know that either way, it's ok. You will be ok, no matter what conclusions you come to.

Now, the story of how I figured out I was trans. Bear in mind, the first “aha moment” was 20 yrs ago and things were very different back then. I was about 17yrs old at the time and the term transgender didn't have the currency then that it does now, there wasn't the robust set of terminology that we have today, there were far fewer resources to turn to, no social media, and the overall public opinion was significantly more hostile towards anything LGBT. Anyway, more below the cut.

I didn't follow the typical trans narrative of the time in the sense that, as a child I didn't really care about my clothes so long as my favorite cartoon characters were on 'em, I liked toys typically marketed towards boys, I looked like a boy and everyone referred to me as a boy. So I thought I was a boy. However, I do have a vague memory from early childhood, somewhere between the ages of 4-6, of sneaking into my mother’s room and stealing a pair of her satin underwear and trying it on (it surely would have been too big on me but I remember liking the texture of the fabric) and hiding it under my bed. This memory has since been confirmed during my adulthood by my brother who shared a room with me at the time and had apparently found the hidden stash.

From an early age I was explicitly shunted towards masculinity. I was regularly told to “stop acting like a girl,” and “quit crying like a girl,” and even at one point to “stop walking like a girl,” by my peers and one of my brothers. By the time I was a teenager I was doing my best to be as masculine as possible going so far as joining the highschool wrestling team, a sport that is as homophobic as it is homoerotic, and I hated every minute of it because being manly didn't feel natural to me (and it definitely didn't stop the bullying). It felt like I was trying to ice skate uphill. I fit in but only imperfectly for I was merely acting.

I was also very confused about my sexuality. I thought maybe I was gay or bisexual (turns out the latter) but that didn’t really explain what I was feeling. Around 17yrs old I got curious about transsexuals, thinking maybe the answers would be found there and hoped on to the early and oh so clunky internet. Now I knew of transsexuals conceptually but I didn't know anything about them. Sadly, pornography was really the only reliable way to actually see what a trans body looked like back then. I was stunned because the women I saw did not look at all the way I expected. I was blown away by how so many of them, genitalia aside, looked indistinguishable from cisgender women. And they were all absurdly beautiful. I felt an immediate attraction but there was something else I felt too, envy. And that realization was the first crack in my eggshell.

After that I couldn't get the thought of crossdressing out of my head. So, I dug through a box of my mother's old clothes and took a few items she no longer wore, an old white tennis skirt and a very very 70s sleeveless orange blouse. I was so comfortable in those clothes and when I looked at myself in the mirror I felt good, really good. So, I continued exploring, shaved off all of of my body hair, went to department stores that were open late at night to buy girl clothes (deathly afraid someone would recognize me), I would stay up late at night to watch HBO because at midnight they would occasionally air stuff about trans people, (I remember two documentary shorts in particular and the movie Soldier’s Girl) and I scoured the internet for more information. The internet search brought me to a website called TG list (at least I think that’s what it was called, this was 20yrs ago after all) which was a directory of resources ranging from The Breast Form Store (which still exists!), a myriad of gender identity quizzes (I took nearly every single one), and Susan’s Place.

Susan’s place was one of the few reliable places to hear from actual transgender adults. Unfortunately, while Susan's Place had a lot of useful information the forums there were full of horror stories, a never-ending supply of all the things those women had suffered. So needless to say, there was little to no positivity around transness to give me hope. I was afraid to call myself trans as a result, afraid of what it meant for my life, my future, and my physical safety (you have to remember that back then Mathew Shepard wasn’t old news, his tragedy was practically current events). So I called myself a crossdresser but for reasons I didn't understand at the time I deeply resented that label. I think deep down, no matter how much I tried to deny it and bury it, a part of knew I wanted to be a girl. So when I came out to my parents as a crossdresser and explicitly told them I wasn't trans, that I didn’t have any desire to transition to female, there was that lil voice at the back of my mind calling me a liar. That voice would follow me until my late 20s.

Coming out was a real struggle for me because not only did I think my life would literally be in jeopardy, I thought everyone would think I was making it up, having not followed the stereotypical models of transsexuality. When I came out to my parents they didn't disown me or anything but they were noticeably uncomfortable around me when I was in girl mode. At a certain point I needed their help (credit card) to buy a gaff for tucking and that was when my parents, out of a misguided desire to protect me, pushed me back into the egg. Because of their rejection I spent the rest of highschool and most of my college years trying to hold the egg together with even more denial and by doubling down on masculinity. While I did have some fun during my college years, on balance I was miserable and depressed. I chafed at my male costume and I knew I was lying to myself the entire time, and I hurt myself a great deal.

During my senior year of college I started privately dabbling with crossdressing again, the desire had been nagging at me incessantly. A short time after graduating I met my wife who accepted that side of me and she introduced me to the BDSM/kink community, and the overall culture of nonjudgmental acceptance there cracked the egg for good, because is provided spaces besides my own room where I felt safe being a girl. From that point on I slowly but surely came out of the egg, first calling myself a crossdresser, then genderfluid for awhile, then GENDA passed in NY making me an explicitly protected class and for the next 2 yrs I presented as a they/them genderqueer woman 100% full time without HRT (I was still reluctant to call myself a woman).

I wrestled a long time with the choice to go on HRT. Ultimately that was always a big stumbling block for me. Therapy had gotten me pretty far but I was still afraid of so much and was unsure I would be happy with the changes because my parents had initially rejected me as their daughter in very paternalistic fashion I struggled to trust my own instincts. I still struggle with that sometimes. Eventually, I befriended a trans woman in my neighborhood who pointed out HRT works very slowly and that it takes a long time for any permanent changes to take root. So, she suggested I give it a try and if it didn't feel right I could stop.

I was also taking gender identity quizzes again. Now most of these claim to be diagnostic and those ones a generally misogynistic garbage (they ask stupid questions like, “are you good at math?” and assign a gendered value to the answer) but I happened upon one that started with the disclaimer that it wasn't diagnostic and instead only offered questions that are good to think with. Two questions in particular were very helpful. The first asked, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up tomorrow as a girl, would you take it?" My answer was a hesitant yes, but that yes was bolstered by the next question, "If you could take a pill that would allow you to wake up as a man, in your current body, but without any dysphoria or desires to be feminine, would you take it?" My answer was an emphatic no because that would have felt like killing an important part of myself off. I then at the age of 33yrs old started HRT and 4yrs in I am incredibly happy. That was one of the best decisions I have ever made.

Now, I know that was a lot of fucking text to read but I wrote all of that because I know the prospect of maybe being a trans girl feels scary to you right now but I want to assure you that as daunting as it may seem there is so much about being a trans woman that is full of beauty and joy. I love my trans womanhood and despite the hardships, I wouldn’t give it up for anything. In fact the opposite is true. Knowing what I know now, I would give up almost everything in order to be a woman. So if you feel like you want to give girlhood a try, do it! You can take small incremental steps and you can always stop if it doesn’t feel right, either way you will gain a degree of self knowledge most cisgender people lack completely and that is absolutely priceless! Plus, unlike me when I was a teen, there’s all kinds of resources and information available to you now and an entire community of people ready to help you, and unlike the women in the forums from my past, we aren’t all gloom and doom.

As for your fear of giving up masculinity, don’t let that fear lure you into the denial trap like it did me. Denial is like quicksand, once you’re in it becomes hard to get out, the more you struggle the deeper in you go and it is so very suffocating. And the thing is, you actually don’t have to give it all up. Back when I was presenting full time as woman without HRT, I felt like I had to be ultra feminine all the time, full face of make-up, dress, heels, the whole nine yards. Now that I’m 4 yrs in with HRT I don’t feel that pressure anymore and have since reclaimed certain aspects of masculinity I actually liked. I sill like presenting high femme from time to time but these days I mostly rock a soft butch aesthetic, flannel/t-shirt, jeans and the only makeup I wear daily is just a lil bit of blush. At certain point you become comfortable and realize that gender is just a sandbox to play in and experiment. Masculine and Feminine are just concepts, they aren’t real! so regardless of being cis or trans, don’t let those mere concepts box you in! Just do what feels natural and right to you!

I hope all of that was helpful to you anon, and that at the very least you walk away from this knowing you don’t have to have all of the answers about yourself right now. Now, I don't no the particulars of your situation, so I’m happy to speak with you further if you have follow up questions, just send another anon.

Best of luck to you anon, I am rooting for you!

Big hugs,

Mother Calamity

[lafemmemacabre]

🥀🔮 G A B R I E L ⚰️🕯️

BACKUP ACCOUNT for @vampiricvenus

🦇 TME • they/them (ENG) & elle (ESP) • 32

🦇 Lesbian • femme4butch • monogamous • married 🥰 (April 12th, 2024)

🦇 Chilean • mixed non-Black Latine • ENG & ESP

🦇 Hellenic Polytheist 🏺🏛️ (Culturally Catholic)

Aphrodite & Ares devotee // Hera, Persephone, Dionysus, Hermes & Apollo worshipper.

🦇 Goth since '07 • HEAVY preference for 90s goth

🦇 Autistic • multiply chronically ill • ambulatory rollator user (aka I'd love to use it full time but right now it's impossible 🫠)

🦇 Communist • anti-psychiatry • feminist

DNI ~ Not that it stops the wrong people, but...

No lesbophobes, misogynists, biphobes, transmisogynists, transphobes or homophobes.

No transandrophobia bros.

No racists (including antiblack poc), antisemites or zionists. No US or otherwise imperial core chauvinists. Your lives aren't more worthy than those of the global south.

Very much uninterested on liberals interacting with me or my posts, for the love of God please leave me alone.

I'm very against the whole m-spec "lesbian" bullshit and no you will not convince me that it's #Valid. I'm not interested in the politics of the validity of identity labels, I'm only interested in labels in their capacity to describe our positionality within hierarchies of power and oppression. Lesbian identity describes specific gender relations within our established patriarchy, and part of those gender relations is as women or women-adjacent people who do not willingly form sexual or romantic relationships with men outside of sex work or other similar survival needs.

I'm similarly opposed to TME people claiming the transfem label. Fuck off.

If you're an able-bodied person who thinks physically disabled people have it somehow easier, are more believed, or are given more compassion/sympathy, and/or you co-opt our struggles, kindly kill yourself. <3

If you're someone who thinks misogyny is Oppression Lite™ also kindly kill yourself yes even if you're LGBT/disabled/etc. I don't care. Die. <3

I'd rather swifties stay the fuck away from me purely because you're all insufferable even if the mediocre white woman you all were worshiping wasn't a snake billionaire polluter bully.

[seriousbrat]

Accusing people, some of whom incidentally are likely LGBT themselves, of not viewing wol///fstar as canon because they "can't read queer-coding" is the cope of the century and borders on delusional. it's also condescending and disrespectful- why is your personal analysis of a work of fiction more valid than anyone else's, particularly when that analysis is almost certainly driven by confirmation bias? Have you asked yourself whether the "signs" you think you're reading in the text are actually there or whether you just want them to be? It's fine to want them to be and to add two and two and get six, personally I've done that with many works of fiction and I will continue to do so, but objectively there's no evidence that holds up to the slightest bit of scrutiny that jkr actually intended Sirius and Remus to secretly be in love.

Leaving aside the fact for now that this is JKR we're talking about and all that entails, it honestly verges on conspiracy-brained at times. Besides that, using homophobic stereotypes as "evidence" is, to put it plainly, shit. Some of these stereotypes might seem fairly innocuous yet still manage to be offensive (e.g. "tonks is queer-coded because she has short hair/is cool/has this personality trait or physical characteristic) but others honestly cross a line. Think for a moment about the logical leap you're making when you claim that werewolves being an allegory for stigmatised illnesses like AIDS is proof that R is gay. What equivalence is being drawn here? worth thinking about

I just want to say this is a work of children's literature and we're all free to interpret whatever we want and make up whatever silly things that we want with it. But you're not smarter or more special than anyone else because you think there's a gay way to look or speak or act, or for seriously believing that JKR created some kind of mad convoluted mental backflip conspiracy to specifically fuck with what was at the time a fringe element of online fandom that she likely wasn't even aware of. Apply Occam's razor here and go with the simplest explanation, which is that JKR, a heterosexual woman, wrote a children's book in the 90s with a majority heterosexual pairings and one token gay character. From there, do whatever you want. The end

[justice-flonne]

Twitter and the death of Media Literacy

As the original post now has reblogs turned off before this post came out of the queue, looks like I have to make my own

Lemme tackle picture number 2 first. Number one, what the HELL do you mean "normal mentally ill [woman]"?? There's no such thing. There's not even such a thing as normal non-mentally ill. Everyone is different and has different reactions and symptoms. and number two: where the fuck do you get off calling the author a sex pest for the "crime" of exploring her options in brothels (well, i guess maybe it is a crime, i forget how japan's laws are, but still. i better not hear you demanding more rights for sex workers while indirectly demeaning their jobs, ya nitwit)? Being gay (or even just non-conforming, and that's not even just about gender) in Japan, while not as bad as say, the Middle East, is not exactly a walk in the park. She probably at the time of writing didn't have many options, and everybody explores their sexuality in different ways. It's really messed up that you're calling the author a sex pest for describing her life, especially since she did nothing wrong (as in, her encounters were all consensual. again, don't fully know the laws regarding brothels there. i think it's a "we'll pretend we didn't see that" scenario)

This also kinda ties into the downright dangerous idea that an lgbt+ person, lesbians especially, can only be an innocent pure being. that kind of thinking can and HAS gotten people into horrible abuse scenarios

As for the "incest"... whoo boy, this is gonna be long:

Now, I have actually read this manga, and I can cite the pages with the supposed "incest" mentioned in the first pic. I'd elaborate, but I'm admittedly quite bad at that, so I'll let the comic speak for itself:

(forgive me if there's any errors in the alt text. it's late 😭)

As you can see, the author does not LITERALLY want to fuck her mother. She has childhood issues from not enough affection (elaborated elsewhere in the book, but I'm tired. read it yourself. i got these pages from a definitely legal website, so can you), and wants to be held and coddled. She even straight up says what she feels is abnormal and yearns for a woman NOT RELATED TO HER to do things with. She KNOWS what she feels is strange and wants to (and eventually DOES) grow from this. I could post more images, but i'm probably pushing my luck as is

Point is, you "adults" really, REALLY need to learn that depiction is not the same as endorsement. Not everything is as cut and dry as the Marquis de Sade. This is, as the damn title says, the author's experience with loneliness as a result of growing up with an emotionally distant mother in a society that is markedly different than America

please, PLEASE, learn to think critically, and i mean "critical" in a "english class analysis" kind of way (for lack of a better term), not a "this thing you like is bad and it offends me" "critical." It's alright to be uncomfortable with things and even to not like things, hell I myself am a HUGE hater, but please, don't throw a tantrum because a real person wasn't a smol bean like you hoped

holy shit i need to go to bed

[darklinaforever]

I've had ten people mention to me that "You have the books" whenever I talk about my disappointment with the Michael(a) change. And I find it so hypocritical because it would be so insensitive if someone adapted a sapphic love story and then decided to change the gender of one of the characters. The very same people crying about "you have the books" "bffr it is just a show it's not that serious" would be throwing hissy fits if the opposite was done. One girl got bullied and made fun of because she had stayed up all night to watch Bridgerton and ended up crying. She was disappointed with how Polin was handled and then was even more shocked with Michaela that she started crying. Like?? Please have some nuance. You can't act like it isn't "serious" but at the same time talk about how important LGBT (and other diversity reps) are important (they are!!). Because if it isn't that serious than it isn't that serious to care about a show not having LGBT characters as a lead? The logic isn't there.

I am angry about Michaela. Just like how I would be FUMING if any of my LGBT ships were altered or messed with. My OTP is literally Nico and Will from Percy Jackson series. If someone decided to make one of them into a girl, I would fucking riot.

It is very simple.

I would have the same reaction for any type of character.

If we change a woman into a man. Or if we change a queer couple into a heterosexual couple.

I would have the same type of reaction if we did this to any franchise with characters that are close to my heart and of whom I already have a precise image formed in my head.

The worst part is that I'm not completely outraged.

Part of me is happy to tell myself that we will have a central queer romance between women in future seasons. It's always cool to see representation when you're a queer person yourself.

But with Bridgerton I don't feel like it was the right place for this type of central romance.

Because there was already a story for Michael and Francesca. Which will surely be very different from the book in the show. While once again, it's literally the best of the lot and for which I hope for a fairly high level of loyalty. But Netflix also decided to go into fanfiction mode for WHWW.

And yes it disappoints me a little. And I'm not ashamed of it.

Who cares if I'm ironically called queerphobic for that / or for hating queer people. Or that tumblr is apparently a gay website, under the pretext that many members of the queer community are there, and therefore it is not the place to make this kind of comment.

I remind that I'm bi and that I love tons of queer romances and that I actively hate queerbaiting. I'm still not over Supercorp to this day by the way...

The fact is that the situation is very simple but many people deliberately do not understand our discontent. We have loved a male character established within a specific story for years and we do not appreciate that all of a sudden, we are deprived of the expensive and bone vision of a Michael Stirling that we have already waited a long time.

Besides, for the most part we would hope that they would not screw up the trio Fran, John and Michael, as they were able to do with Anthony Kate and Edwina (seriously, the madness with Edwina went too far in season 2). Well it looks like it's also on the verge of being destroyed. Fran didn't seem to enjoy her first kiss with John, but she seemed to have an instant crush when Michaela appeared, while Michaela didn't seem to have any particular reaction. And that already goes against all the foundations laid between these three characters... and that annoys me even more.

[lucienne-thee-librarian]

Okay but also because I'm a pedantic bitch...in relation to that post I just reblogged explaining part of gay-on-gay bigotry...what if some people are just assholes who happen to be gay, or bi or trans? And they're all for oppression or just plain cruelty as long as it's aimed at other people? Like that's also something to consider.

I don't actually think, any longer, that "internalized self-hate projected outward and also suppressed envy for someone who's doing and being all the things you were convinced into not allowing yourself" is...all there is to this phenonemon. And I wish we'd stop fixating on that quite so much just because we want to be frankly, nicer than some of these people have ever deserved. It's always more satisfying on some level, to imagine your enemies as Tortured deep inside (whether it's because you feel a bit malicious or you just want to believe that there's a way to reach out and heal them with kindness.) than to admit that Sometimes They're Just a Shithead.

Now, do I think that complex can be a big part of it? Oh yeah. And of COURSE, different people have different motivations in different amounts and yadda yadda yadda. No group of people, ethnic, gender, political or otherwise is a Monolith. (For one thing, when it comes to these Pick-Me Gay/Trans pundits and Influencers, money and clout should never be left out as an explanation. Just saying.) But that's the point, isn't it? Any ONE explanation can't explain them all completely.

Tbh, I think we need to consider some people are just bullies who happened to be born not cis or straight. And even if they were bullied at one point for their identity, they learned absolutely nothing from the experience except Don't Be On the Social Reject Side. So they moved their thinking just enough that "woman who likes women" "man who likes men" "I just happened o want to be a woman instead, or a man instead despite how I was born" could be put in the Safe category and they fight for that. Everyone else though, is still fair game and even a fair target. Some people don't just want power to escape oppression and live their lives in peace, they WANT to BE the ones oppressing. Like, do we ACTUALLY understand that LGBT people are humans too and that that includes the bad side?

It tracks a lot better too, when you consider that a lot of people like the masc4masc gays are openly racist and fatphobic. "No fems" Yes but also "No fats. No Asians." Christ, I could think of countless examples of white thin (and sometimes but not necessary cis) queer people doing that sort of thing. I'm sure y'all can too. This idea of some poor lost soul Tormented by Self Hate and Envy of the Freedom of Others doesn't do shit to explain that. Like, even if the two things coexist and they can, it doesn't explain that part.

I honestly just think the uglier but more accurate truth is that lot of queer people aren't all Hashtag Gay or Trans Rights or aren't Liberal out of any sense of justice AT ALL but only self-interest. Being an activist because you're a member of an oppressed group is like, entirely normal and fine of course BUT it becomes real clear when someone's framework of ethics and politics is PURELY "I think me (and people I personally like and approve of) being oppressed is bad" and literally not one inch deeper.

You can tell because if it was deeper, why would they find it so easy to turn around to a fellow queer/trans person to jeer at and humiliate and throw them under the bus if they think they're a Deadweight to the group by being a Weirdo I Don't Want to Stand Next to, Eww...or if they just don't personally like them? Why have you clearly spent absolutely no time unpacking any of the prejudice and biases around gender sexuality (or GOD FORBID race) that society throws at you.. at least no more time than it takes to rationalize yourself out of the category of Should Be Destroyed and Oppressed?

We are not immune from this sort of terminally self-interested activism. I just feel like we'd get a lot further as a society, as a community, if sometimes our analysis of bullies and assholes didn't fixate on finding some deep pain and trauma inside them, to explain their actions in a way that makes them look more tortured and less malicious (even if we say, even mean, that it's not supposed to be an excuse). Sometimes people are just racist, or fatphobic. Sometimes lesbians or gay men or bi or trans people just want to be judgmental bullies too.

Sometimes the reality isn't Tragic Villain Backstory. Sometimes, its just a selfish, deeply pathetic person refusing to become any less, because it's easier not to; even if you had a unique chance to see how the other side lives, a chance your straight cis bully peers didn't get by virtue of their identities.

[whitestopper]

Bisexual media

Note: This should not be taken as a declaration of quality or my personal likings - I haven’t consumed all the media below. Not all of the shows focus on a bi protagonist but all do have at least one bi main character; a summary of main initial plot is provided. I will edit this post with updates intermittently.

TV Series

The Bisexual (2018) - Leila explores her attraction to men after identifying as a lesbian alongside her girlfriend and friends for the past decade, while her new roommate tries to get a grip on his relationship with a younger woman.

Black Mirror’s San Junipero - Yorkie meets Kelly in the strange setting of San Junipero. What’s the deal with this place, and what can make them stay?

Bob and Rose - Bob is gay. Rose has a boyfriend. Can I make it any more obvious? (I can - they find that they’re attracted to each other and deal with the implications and expectations of that.)

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend - Rebecca pursues her ex-boyfriend in the hopes of finding happiness. With a drastic move to West Covina, will she learn what happy feels like?

Cucumber - Henry’s life is upturned in one evening, then another, and then some more, while boyfriend Lance and new acquaintance Freddie come to terms with the present and the past.

Everything Now - Newly out of recovery from anorexia, Y11 student Mia is determined to complete her bucket list and be seen as normal.

Feel Good - Mae and Charlotte navigate a relationship challenged by Mae's drug addiction and Charlotte's new sexual discovery.

High Fidelity - Young record store owner Rob revisits her past relationships in order to sort out her singledom.

Kieta Hatsukoi - Aoki lies about having feelings for classmate Ida to protect the feelings of his crush Hashimoto. But misunderstandings and revelations cause a hullabaloo.

Torchwood - this Doctor Who spin-off features a collection of characters solving alien crimes.

Movies

Appropriate Behaviour - Brooklyn dweller Shirin deals with her ex-girlfriend, family expectations, job struggles and more.

The Bitter Tears of Petra Von Kant - in one of the few films with an all-female cast, the titular fashion designer navigates her relationships with her family, her live-in servant, and her cousin's attractive acquaintance.

City of Lost Souls - a German musical exploring the experiences of LGBT people, black people, Jewish people and immigrants in post-WW2 Berlin.

Disobedience - Ronit returns to her old Orthodox Jewish community after her father passes away, having been shunned for not adhering to cultural expectations.

Je, Tu, Il, Elle - A woman struggles in dealing with her break-up.

Shiva Baby - While at a Jewish funeral service with her family and community, college student Danielle navigates an awkward situation with her sugar daddy and her ex-girlfriend.

Books (Admittedly, I do not read nearly enough so in addition to my own suggestions, I'd like to recommend @the-bi-library!)

Fiction

You Could Be So Pretty (Holly Bourne) - In a world not too unlike our own, where girls and women can be Pretties or Objectionables, what will schoolgirls Belle and Joni make of their lives under the Doctrine after an incident brings them together?

Your Driver Is Waiting (Priya Guns) - Damani, a RideShare driver, falls hard for a white upper-class girl, but she's been grieving her father, caring for her mother and dealing with the ever-growing tension from protesters across the city. When Jolene acts with massive consequences, what will Damani be pushed to do for herself and her community?

Non-fiction

In The Dream House (Carmen Maria Machado) - Machado goes through her volatile relationship with The Woman From The Dreamhouse, intercut with musings on pop culture and history.

Strong Female Character (Fern Brady) - famous in British comedy circles, this autobiography follows Brady's life growing up in Scotland as an autistic woman.

You're Embarrassing Yourself (Desiree Akhavan) - from the Creator of The Bisexual and Appropriate Behaviour, this autobiography covers Akhavan's life as a bisexual Iranian in America.

Bisexuality research/history/essays

Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out

Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution

Bi: The Hidden Culture, History and Science of Bisexuality

The Bi-ble Volumes 1 and 2

Claiming the B in LGBT - Illuminating the Bisexual Narrative

Go the Way Your Blood Beats - On Truth, Bisexuality and Desire

A History of Bisexuality

Purple Prose - Bisexuality in Britain

Music (This is for songs which are outright bisexual, not just songs inspired by bi experiences or by bi artists. Also, no Sweater Weather.)

Alicia Champion - Bi

Amber Fornoles - A Very Bisexual Song

Ana Carolina - Homens e Mulheres

Ani DiFranco- In or Out

Anne Marie - Perfect to Me

Bali Bandits - Girls & Boys

Book Of Love - Pretty Boys and Pretty Girls

Cariño - Bisexual

Chappell Roan - After Midnight

Christina Aguilera - Not Myself Tonight

Delli Boe - Bisexual Problems, Bisexual Problems 2

Demi Lovato - The Kind Of Lover I Am

dodie - In The Middle

Domo Wilson - Becoming Myself, Bi Pride, Bisexual Anthem

Halsey - Alanis' Interlude, Bad At Love

HOUSE OF SAY - Boys Girls

Janet Jackson - Tonight's The Night

Jão - Meninos e Meninas

Jesse - Girls & Boys

Jessie Paege, Lucy & La Mer - Not a Phase

King Kitty - Bisexual

Mad Tsai - Boy Bi

Megan Thee Stallion - Captain Hook

MIKA - Billy Brown, Blame It On The Girls

Miley Cyrus - Midnight Sky, She's Not Him

Missy Higgins - Scar

Mitski - Cop Car

Peaches - I U She

Peter Allen - Bi-Coastal

Poppy - Girls In Bikinis

Torrey Mercer - Boys / Girls

The Veronicas - Take Me On The Floor

will.i.am, Pia Mia - Boys & Girls

Ysa Ferrer - To bi or not to bi

[prettycottonmouthlamia]

Listen to me right now, genuinely.

You should vote in November. You really should, but I don't really want this post to be about that. I have a pretty profound distrust of the average liberal "blue no matter who" crowd on here. I am not of the belief that you should willingly suspend your capacity of criticism and accountability of people in charge. If that can be extracted out of you, they will not give it back. Democrats are not a party full of people who love you and want to do everything you ask of them: they are a party who support the capitalist system first and foremost, and their interests are more beholden to the system than they are to us.

BUT, speaking as a trans woman right now, I'd personally really not rather see Trump get elected, obviously. If you're the type of person who sits and goes "I don't believe in politics", I want you to really listen to me. I get it. I truly do. American politics suck. Our politicians are chronic liars, they make promises they don't even try to keep. But there is almost one thing they never lie on, and that's the people they intend to oppress and stomp down. Trump wants to legislate and use his executive powers to push trans people out of existence. He can't be allowed to do that.

BUT

BUT. Voting cannot be the only thing you do. A bunch of the blue no matter who posters on here are going to do one of those things come November

Trump will win, and despite any evidence to the contrary, they will blame the like 50 communist bloggers on this website for ruining the election chances of the entire country. It was Russia yet again, somehow.

Biden will win, they will pat themselves on the back for a job well done, and proceed to sit on their hands until they find another reason to blame leftists for the actions of conservatives.

Trans history is full of examples of us being left behind. Your political plan for the future CANNOT just be to show up at a polling booth. You need to do more than that. What you will need to do will change somewhat depending on who is in charge, but I'm begging those among you to start taking action both now and after the elections.

Make sure your trans friends are safe. Check to see if they still have access to their medications. Check to see if they need money to get out of the country. Work to protest regressive and transphobic policies. If you're a lawyer, it's time to get ready to defend the cases of trans people against libelous suits. Plenty of you can do this pro bono.

Build mutual aid groups among your neighors and peers. Show up to a local LGBT organization and see what they need. Volunteer your time and money and often time spare clothes for other people. Educate yourself on our history, educate yourself on political theory, support organizations that help out the homeless directly.

Learn how to defend yourself and others during a protest when it faces police brutality and state sanctioned violence. Learn how to effectively neutralize tear gas, learn how to cover your self up so that you cannot be tracked by the pigs. Learn how to break kettle formations, learn your rights.

Never stop protesting against the people who feel it is their God given right to turn America into a theocratic dictatorship (which is not in the Bible by the way. I feel I should mention this. This is not a Biblical belief, the conservative Christians who tell you otherwise are lying out their ass.) Never stop protesting to stop the exploitation of the Global South by tech companies. Never stop protesting to end the genocide in Palestine. Never stop fighting so that the people of Sudan can be heard.

Just voting does not make you a politically active citizen, or really, a politically active person. It takes work, work that is very easy to burn out on. But if we can't rely on the American government and the Democratic party to do the things we need in order to avert the twenty crises looming over the horizon, then yes, we need to do more as a united people than fucking vote.

[goldenavenger02]

The U.S Election and Anxiety + Tips For Voting

Hello everyone! I've decided that this year, during the election cycle since I live with my conservative family still, instead of getting into useless arguments with them and doomscrolling the whole time, I'm going to practice some mindfulness instead and this is where you come in!

I am writing down every single healthy coping mechanisms/distractions I can, that way I can stay vigilant and informed but I also don't spend four days watching a slow ticking map again, and putting them on folded pieces of paper and into a small bowl. That way anytime I get too stressed or I get into a fight with my family, I can pull one out and at the very least, distract myself for a little bit.

If you know of any healthy coping mechanisms that you use, it doesn't even have to be something you only do every 2 to 4 years, it can just be something you do when that feeling of panic starts to build in your chest, comment below, message me, submit them or reblog with it in the tags.

What I currently have right now is rewatching/rereading comfort media, exercising, cleaning, deep breathing/visualization, hanging out with my pets, crafting and playing mobile/PC games.

I am also willing to make my list public for anyone who needs it if they also suffer from debiliting election anxiety.

At the end of this, I just want all of you to remember a few things. Election anxiety, especially after 2016, is incredibly common and you shouldn't feel ashamed for having it when this political climate has turned into one of hate.

If you are a United States Citizen/registered/old enough to vote, vote. If you are in the line before 6 p.m on November 5th, 2024, they legally cannot turn you away. Bring food and water, there are states where it is illegal for someone to bring you food and water in line. Remember not to wear anything that can be seen as political when you go to vote (not even your Captain America shirt that is in your dresser). And voter intimidation and voter interference is illegal. If someone is standing outside of your polling place, harassing you or others about who they're voting for, let your poll workers know. If you hear someone talking to their buddy about doing something like, I don't know, lighting a ballot box on fire (this has already happened in Washington and Oregon), report it to your non-emergency police line. If it ends up being nothing, you won't be in trouble and if it ends up being something, YOU HELPED PROTECT DEMOCRACY.

Even if you are in a blue state, even if you're in a red state, even if you are in a swing state, even if you hate Kamala Harris and her opponent, even if you don't want to vote down the ballot (which you totally should because it can slowly turn your state blue), even if you are scared of the outcome, vote like your rights as a POC, as a woman, as a member of the LGBT+ community, as someone who isn't a white, straight man will be taken away from you. Because that is the sick reality of the US right now. This election isn't Harris v opponent (remember, names have power), this election is freedom v fascism, no matter what your MAGA relatives say.

And finally, when we fight, we win. Let's beat Kamala Harris' opponent in such a landside that he can't go crying to his lackies AKA the supreme court and beg them to overturn this in his favor with any evidence of "voter fraud" AKA him not getting his way.

And if you're like me, anxious about what will happen to your rights in the upcoming week, we should stay informed. But there is a difference between staying informed and doomscrolling. Yes, there is a LOT at stake in this election, there is no sugarcoating that.

But when you feel yourself start to panic, or your relative starts yelling at you for something they believe your party is doing even though it's not real AND even if it was, you aren't the one doing it, or you feel yourself leaning to unhealthy coping mechanisms, reach into the bowl.

I'll make a list of coping mechanisms to reblog under this and edit it as more come in. The fandom tags under this are so the post gets more reach which is NEEDED and most of these main characters would be voting blue if they were real.

[tobiasdrake]

I've been asked about my gender a couple of times. Once today, even. And I always freeze up when asked about that because. Like.

The reality is that I have a long and complicated relationship with gender. For years, I've just said "cis-male" because that's the easy answer. It felt like a noncommittal default answer. It's only recently that I've become less comfortable with that because. Well. Identifying as cis is still identifying, still committing to something.

But it's hard to commit because my situation is... messy.

I don't know if anyone is interested to hear me ramble about gender so I'm going to put this all after a jump. But since I'm having a mid-life crisis introspection day, here is my long, convoluted history with my gender identity.

If you saw my "characters who raised me" post, you might have noticed that an overwhelming majority of them were women. I have always felt more comfortable in the spaces that femininity creates than masculinity.

When I picture myself, when I close my eyes and see myself as the person I want to be, as the image I want to project out into the world, I see a young woman in her 20's with long brown hair tied back in a ponytail. Like Sailor Moon's Makoto Kino, a decade older.

My parents weren't around very much, so these women were my earliest teachers. They taught me how to walk. How to sit. Where to put my hands when I'm moving. And then adults made me unlearn all of that because you're not supposed to carry yourself like that or walk like that or sit like that if you're a boy. Learn to cross your legs in a masculine way!

To this day, I still often walk on the balls of my feet by habit, simply because my legs naturally imitate the posture of wearing heels. But I tell people it's because I watched a lot of Gargoyles as a kid and also really liked the X-Man Nightcrawler. (Which I did and do, and they're great.)

My favorite color is red. The reason my favorite color is red is because it's actually pink, but you're not allowed to like pink if you're a boy. My parents made that clear when they made me stop wearing my big pink winter coat that I loved so very much.

I spent the rest of my childhood and much of my adulthood dressing in black instead. Nobody cares if you're a boy or a girl if you're wearing black. (It also color-coordinates well with pink. That is a fire combination.)

I didn't really know what I was doing as a kid. I just knew that I was doing it wrong. Because people kept telling me I was doing it wrong. Gotta be a man. Gotta man up. Gotta like the things that boys like. Gotta put away the girly things because real men don't like girly things; In fact, "real men" aggressively hate girly things!

Gotta get money. Gotta get women. Gotta be aggressive and violent and not take no for an answer. That's how you be a real man. These are the things I started to internalize as the way I'm supposed to behave, as the space I'm meant to be in.

And I should note that this is not a fair reflection of masculinity. This is toxic masculinity. But it's what I was learning and it's the person I started becoming. Because I stopped listening to women, stopped respecting women, reframed my relationship to femininity as one of desire and power and control.

And I was miserable. I became a mediocre boy with pent-up aggression, prone to lashing out at the slightest indignity or disrespect because gotta assert my manhood. And I was tremendously unsuccessful at getting money and women. Women didn't like being around me very much. Can you possibly guess why? Probably because I was visibly unsafe to be around.

I hated it. I hated doing it. I hated the consequences of it. I was miserable.

Then I discovered that there were LGBT spaces. And I felt saved. My school's Gay-Straight Alliance became my sanctuary, where I could escape into a new world that nobody ever told me about. Where I could let it all of those pressures go and just say, "I am a trans woman."

This was not the end of my journey, though. You might not see the problem there. The thing that undermined my coming out. But for me, looking back, it's clear as day.

I was not coming out because I was more comfortable in the spaces that femininity built than masculinity. Even though I am. My mind was too poisoned by that point for a reason that good.

I was coming out because I was uncomfortable in the spaces that patriarchy built. And I thought being a transwoman would free me from that.

It did not. We are not, any of us, free from the pressures that patriarchy built. I had just traded one set of manacles for a different set. One that I hadn't been socialized in, one that is deeper and more complicated than I knew and that I didn't have the patience to learn because I was just trying to escape.

I wasn't trying to be a woman. I was trying to be what toxic masculinity thinks women are. The grass looked greener on the other side. It looked easier (and holy shit is it not). By that point in my life, I no longer respected women enough to be one.

It was two years before I gave up. Because I was still miserable. Being a woman (or my toxic impression of one) hadn't cured my soul-sickness. I was still angry. I was still lonely. So I went back to full-throated raging masculinity. I wrote those two years off as "experimenting" and I doubled down on toxic masculinity because now I was compensating for something.

I got a career because I'd dropped out of high school and wasn't going to college so I needed to have something. I moved out at 18 and got my own shitty apartment because a real man's gotta have his man pad. I refocused myself: Get rich, get women, be successful as a man. I spent the next years of my life as an angry libertarian incel issuing social darwinist screeds and ranting about how women are all bitches 'cause they won't sleep with me.

Then I started to meet people who were worse off than I was. Who showed me entire facets of the world I never knew existed. And I started to soften. Then I started to learn. And then I started to heal. To find acceptance for the parts of me I'd buried a decade ago.

People I can sit around and watch a TV show with, and see a snooty rich woman on the screen and go, "That one! That one's me. My character is Tahani. ^_^" and they won't judge me or tell me I'm wrong and I need to pick a different one.

Well, they'll judge me a little but only because my characters are always the fucking worst. Not because they're women. In my heart of hearts, I am an egotistic, entitled, prissy bitch and I own it.

I'm happier now than I ever was before, either as a man or a toxic man's perception of what a woman is supposed to be. And maybe my pronouns should be she/her. I don't know. Looking back over my journey, it's hard to feel like any set of pronouns really fits me - but I feel weird being they/them. Nothing feels right to me at all anymore.

I feel more comfortable in the spaces that femininity creates than the ones that masculinity does. Even healthy masculinity just doesn't call out to me the way femininity does, because femininity defined so much of my formative years. Most of the things in my childhood that were good are gendered female.

But I also don't know why they have to be. Why you have to be a woman to like pink, or to wear a pretty dress, or to enjoy cooking, or to cross your legs in a particular way. I don't want to believe that I can't be male but enjoy the things that I enjoy. That I'm not allowed to just decide for myself what masculinity means for me.

And yet, whenever I close my eyes and picture myself, I see a woman in her twenties with brown hair tied back in a ponytail. If I could start it all over again and be that woman from the very beginning, I would.

I don't know.

What I do know is that during my time as a libertarian incel, I started a career. That career has become my family's lifeline. I'm a high school dropout whose main skillset is knowing how computers work and being proficient at Microsoft Office, and I make more money than the rest of my family combined.

I feel like anyone in my age bracket can do my job. But they pay me to do it. Because I'm white, male, and clean-cut. We're forced to live under capitalism, and my family's future depends on the money my privilege earns. Because I'm aesthetically hirable.

So I go to work in the spaces that masculinity built. Then I come home to my LGBT family where it simply doesn't matter because everyone is accepted for who they are individually, no matter what box they fit in.

[flyboy254cnchtv-blog]

So, I've been processing things over the past few days. I thought I knew my country, but I didn't. If anything, it proved me so wrong that I've been waking up nauseous, puking, forcing myself not to sob. I'm not one of the people most in danger, but the people I care about are. So I'm gonna go stream of consciousness, and please forgive me but I need to get this off my chest somewhere. For the love of all that's sacred, don't leave us. If you need to keep yourself or your loved ones safe, do it, do not feel like that's wrong. But you are needed. You are valued. You should not let those monsters in human flesh tell you your worth. I served in the Marine Corps, and in the service I learned. I learned about "the talk" every black family in America has to give their children for when they will, will, be stopped by a cop. I learned that so much of our military is made up of the children of those who came here searching for a better life. I learned that so many of my comrades are gay, lesbian, bi, and were better Marines that I could have ever hoped to be.

This freed me from the shell I'd been raised in. Whatever lies my Irish-Catholic parents tried to feed me didn't scan any longer. The only thing I learned to take from them is that immigrants, all immigrants, deserve to exist.

I will not call myself an ally, attempting to apply that appellation to oneself feels vapid and self-absolving. I will not get everything right, because I still have to learn a lot. But I know that for now, I will wake up, shake my boots off, and do what I can. Because my friends, my family, will need me to be as strong as I can.

This will not be easy. There will be moments where we will all ask if we can even go on. We can't lie to ourselves that somehow it will all work out. We need to get together, plan, and organize where and how we can. Our foes believe we are weak. Their mistake is that this is what they think of compassion, of morality, of simple decency.

You are valued. You are here. I want to see a world where you are able to be free, happy, and safe, no matter who you are. I posted earlier the quote from Bobby Sands. "Our revenge will be the laughter of our children." I do believe that. Because the woman I love says I'm the one she wants to bring up children with, and the only way that happens is if we cast down the false idol they have raised.

I still believe in the ideals in the Declaration of Independence. That the Constitution is a living document made to be changed, to be amended so that it can adapt to the times. I swore an oath, and I'm too damn stubborn to just accept that these terrors will persist. I'm not a leader, but I know how to follow orders. Point me in the right direction, and I'll do what I can.

Whoever reads this, you are not alone. You will never be anything less than human. The fact that your very existence, your happiness, fills them with such a rage is what I want to help you keep alive. If you're a person of color, if you're LGBT+, if you're a woman, know that there are still enough of us out there who want to help. Who want to know how. We got decked last Tuesday, but one slug to the jaw doesn't end the fight. This isn't Frasier vs Ali. This is Rocky vs Creed, and we're going all twelve. It'll be easier, and worth it, if we all go along together.

They think we're out, but already there are organizations, movements, local communities rebuilding and prepping. They are proud, and they have ripped their mask off now and brag of the evils they will inflict. We will use their words against them, and we will know that those who supported them have nowhere to hide. They wanted this, and they're going to get it. We need to be ready to get back to work after, whatever may come.

I hope you forgive me for what must seem like a ramble. I hope that you stick around, too. This fight is not, and will never be over until the last trace of their hate and propaganda is wiped from the face of the earth. Stay smart, stay resilient, and stay human. We will survive, and we will hear the laughter of the children before we know it.

[sappho114]

Genuinely gobsmacked that I saw someone I follow on here call not voting, or at least putting pressure on the democratic party, "single issue voting" and implied it was a lesser of evils and harm reduction.

I know some people are callous and ignorant and nasty but how can you think you're a good person if you ignore all of the everything else. Such a white middle-class mindset if all you see is a single issue, never mind being completely ignorant of electoralism at all. YOU are the single issue voter, bitch. YOU are the unreasonable little fuck.

Palestine deserves our advocacy because American money, American politics, and American munitions are directly responsible for all of it. It is not only condoned but encouraged daily by the same people these cunts want us to vote for. If you disagree with that, then you disagree with that. Just say it - don't be a coward and pretend like you care about their lives. Just fucking say it with your chest: its all a performative game to you. You only care so long as it doesn't potentially impact you.

Because let's face the facts, these people are also the same sorts who have no time, advocacy, or attention to any of the numerous imperial terrors that the democrats - or k harris specifically - have sown in only the past four years. All of which the current nominees had their hands in. Is it single issue voting if I don't want someone to be president when they've been ghoulishly and comically evil in regards to border policies, migrant concentration camps, reproductive rights malaise, LGBT+ rights, and for not enabling or encouraging but actively creating the new pandemic of militarized policing by using the National Guard to abuse, kill, and maim citizens that you don't agree with? These seem like more than one issue, all of which are perhaps adequate reasons to utilize one's electoral right and responsibility (as you see it) to vote for a candidate who has their interests or the country's interests in mind.

Like, sure, you can sit there and be an absolute dumbfuck and write off Palestine because you are a bad person but the unfortunate truth here is that by just voting for the people who make things worse - red or blue, same team different colors! - you're just another idiot who is choosing to crouch behind the curtain like every other ghoulish system-fellating moron who just doesn't have the guts to be uncomfortable for the five fucking minutes it takes to pressure Democrats into doing something, anything, other than rapidly whirlpooling into fascism.

If you hold those opinions you are simply uneducated politically, academically in history, socially, and you are letting your comfort mean more to you than actual people's lives - yourself included, because you're SO willing to let a million canaries die as long as you can go about your day without being challenged or feel complicated.

Every single civil rights advocate who was assassinated by the US government has quotes about how you people do this, too. Like, you are aware that you're that shade of person right? The white moderate, the quasi-liberal, the fucker who won't even acknowledge the knife is there. And don't think people didn't see you play pretend and immediate discard the BLM movement just as quickly as it went out of vogue because you were "tired" from COVID, not because you actually cared about black people.

Where was your advocacy and attention during Trump's first presidency? Why did it stop when the blue team switched into his chair and made so many things worse? Because that's your team?

All you need to do is shut the fuck up, to stop telling people to not feel for others, advocate for others, or adhere to their own moral codes. Nobody needs to know that you're a big coward pissbaby who is turning into the next ghoulish sycophant like Pete Bootychug and his ilk, gleefully wiping your brow of any and all social responsibility the moment you decide that voting for the Minnesotan police state guy and the woman who loves genocide and hates migrants get in office.

You can, and should, just fucking shut up if you want to vote so badly for them and do nothing else.