#(esp. if I then still get a good result at the end - so much more satisfying)

[iraprince]

tvw mentioned!!!!! would be really exciting to see those guys again, dog with a gun will forever have my heart🩷 no pressure tho, ive been following u since the tail end of acid soup, and idk what u put in ur characters but its like catnip to me, all ur original stories are so compelling. i hope u always feel free to pick up and put down whatever u want whenever u want forever!!!!!!

thank you so much, hearing that means a ton to me <3 you know what, i DO feel free in that way, which is something that hasn't always been easy for me. but it's made a lot easier by the fact that u guys tend to be, like, really cool and understanding and supportive about it, which i really really appreciate!!

[carriesthewind]

.

[binders-and-beanies]

ED tw in da tags i just need 2 vent

[tangents-within-tangents]

Ooh! Okay, I love all of that! Thank you for sharing lol you just gave me some epiphanies!

I hadn't quite been able to figure out the significance of Crosshair killing Nolan, like that action specifically, and I think what you said makes a lot of sense! Because it totally wouldn't have worked (narratively or like for the character) if he had just quietly defected after the fact.

Crosshair is really complicated, and since I was focusing more on the comparisons to Emerie I didn't get into all the aspects of his full arc (but at this point why not make the post even longer lolll). But I also noticed how often Crosshair identifies himself as a soldier, I actually originally had this exchange in my analysis:

Rampart: All that time, left for dead and yet you still came back. Why? Crosshair: I’m a soldier of the Empire. Rampart: I see. Your loyalty and determination are commendable.

(which side note, I realize that further shows the difference between those two! Crosshair is there to be a soldier whereas Rampart is just there for himself, like he can't even fathom Crosshair's loyalty after being abandoned like that)

Those recurring ideas of loyalty and purpose are directly tied to Crosshair's identity as a soldier, like that is where he finds his purpose and that's why this is what changes his mind:

Nolan: He served his purpose as a soldier of the Empire.

So the idea that killing Nolan isn't a desperate act of vengeance but Crosshair deliberately giving up his identity as a soldier just really clicks for me and makes that arc feel more complete in a way.

If it was purely self-preservation he could have just defected and run away. That would have been just cutting his losses and leaving the Empire solely because it no longer serves him. But unlike with Cody it's not enough for him to just stop serving the Empire. Instead by killing Nolan he actively rejects the Empire and "seals it in blood" by choosing treason and its consequences. It's like in that act he is 'killing' the soldier that he was for the Empire. (And if we bring the context of Mayday into it, it means that he would rather die defying the Empire than die for them.)

This also ties to my other favorite bit of the vulture symbolism! Which is this moment:

When Crosshair collapses and the stormtroopers close in to take him away, what would appear as his lowest point, the vulture soars upward. To me it shows that even in this dire moment Crosshair truly is finally free. It ensures that this is an internal triumph even if it looks like an external defeat. (And after this turning point he never does go back, even when he could have saved himself by giving Hemlock what he wanted in Tantiss)

So yeah thanks, I didn't quite realize that in killing Nolan he was choosing to be imprisoned or killed as traitor. I think that's a death 'redemption' I could get behind! Because it's not a sudden single sacrifice that supposedly absolves them of all wrongs without ever facing the repercussions (look at that you drew the rant for another time out of me lol), it's him 'killing' the version of himself that did those wrongs, rejecting that identity. It's not 'redeemed' through heroic death, it's like by the death itself (if that makes sense). And since he didn't actually die like he thought he would, he still has to live with the aftermath and implications of that change. Viewing it like that, it makes way more sense that the after-arc in S3 is about rebuilding his identity and finding new purpose with his family: "Omega needs all of us". (which also fits with the hand tremors thing (losing his identifying skill), and more possible parallels with the CX troopers since their "identities were erased" (though that plotline was pretty rushed so I don't even know) but I really like what you said about Ventress and Omega helping him realize things!)

But! He's still only facing the aftermath implications for himself, not for those he hurt with his actions, which is why to me his arc still isn't a 'redemption' in that sense. And @laughhardrunfastbekindsblog (sorry I don't want to keep reblogging my own beast of post lol) yeah it is 100% a valid arc/ change, I guess it depends on your definition of redemption, because to me the amends/accountability part is really important (something this posts (@antianakin) touches on, though I clearly disagree with the purpose of those characters' arcs). And to clarify, I'm not talking about the character himself, or what he's been through or deserves or whatever, it's about how it's written and what the story we are actually given is saying. That's what I'm critiquing.

With the above context I see how the change itself is really vital. I can get what you're saying that it "convinced Howzer that Crosshair had changed for the better, and that was good enough for him." And it is in-character honestly (Crosshair's not much for words) and it works for what it is.

What bothers me with those episodes (I guess we can do this rant now too lol might as well) is how the show/writing treats Howzer. Because it really feels like they are saying Howzer is in the wrong for not immediately accepting Crosshair, even though he has completely legitimate reasons to dislike and distrust Crosshair because of his actions. Even Hunter calls Howzer out when in the last episode he was just as rightfully distrusting of Crosshair's change until they talked it out. Crosshair doesn't show any remorse in those episodes, he comes off as pretty smug and dismissive instead, but Howzer still has to accept it anyway, mostly on his own by just observing Crosshair's behavior.

Like I said, Crosshair has changed and that's great, but he still did those things. The show had the perfect opportunity for him to face that here! To show that he regrets his past actions instead of just telling Hunter, and to act on those regrets by making amends with someone who was affected.

Like I think of this scene from Atla for comparison:

Suki: You kinda burned down my village. Zuko: Oh… sorry about that.

It's simple, it doesn't undo the wrong (reparations) but it still does the bare minimum of amends (and more is done with his reconciliation with the main characters). Yeah Suki can see that Zuko has changed by his actions (and he is actively fighting against the Fire Nation to help others) but they don't expect her to just accept that in and of itself, Zuko still shows and expresses remorse, and doesn't shame Suki for being upset about what happened. But with a very similar scene of 'changed person is confronted by a past wrong' we instead get this:

Howzer: Most of my squad from Ryloth is dead because of you! Crosshair: *blinks* Rex: Easy, Howzer!

Crosshair is confronted with someone who he directly harmed, but instead of exploring his accountability in the aftermath of his change they made it about his victim's acceptance and unearned forgiveness.

Crosshair's arc as it is (described at length above) works for me, but this does not. Like if they had done just this differently I think I honestly would be fine if everything else stays the same and Crosshair never actively goes against the Empire. Because it's not even about screen time, the opportunity was right there to tip the scales into an better-written actual redemption but they just didn't use it!

And I think that is why TBB as a whole has been frustrating me lately lol. The writing was honestly so good at times, so I can never dismiss it out right. But there are also so many ways it could have been SO MUCH better. And it was really close too which almost makes it worse! Because then we see these glimpses of what the show could have been to compare it to. The potential was there they just missed it, or often times actively avoided it. (But that truly is a discussion of another time, I've got a LOT of draft posts in the works lol)

Hot take:

Crosshair does not have the Imperial disillusionment and redemption arc of The Bad Batch

Emerie does.

Crosshair has an arc for sure yes but it's not that.

I was thinking about this scene:

and how it got right what this scene kinda didn't:

(It was so close but then bad writing decided to undercut the moment with a joke rip)

And I think it's really interesting that these characters who were more or less raised into the Empire/First Order and chose to leave it are all directly asked why.

But take a look at Crosshair's answers in comparison:

Different context for the asking, yes, but still, compare that to clones like Howzer, Cody, Slip and Cade who left or turned against the Empire because they knew what the Empire is doing is wrong and they weren't just going to blindly follow orders:

Crosshair - Loyalty, Purpose, and Survival

Crosshair didn't choose to join the Empire (though the show isn't very clear or consistent about how much control the inhibitor chips have) but he did, for whatever reason, choose to stay. By the end of S1 we know his chip has been removed and as he definitively says "This is who I am." There were likely still other influences on his decision, but listen to how he talks about the Empire in the S1 finale:

Hunter: Crosshair, I've seen what the Empire is doing. Occupying planets and silencing anyone who stands against them. You know it's not right. Crosshair: You still don’t see the bigger picture, but you will. Hunter: Can't you see they're using you?

Crosshair: We’re not like the regs, we never have been. We’re superior. The Empire can’t protect the galaxy without strength, this is what we were made for. Think of all we could do, together!

Crosshair: You all are meant for more than drifting through the galaxy. It’s time to stop running. Join the Empire, and you will have purpose again.

Hunter: They destroyed an entire city! Crosshair: They did what needed to be done. Kamino, regs, the Republic, that time is over. The Empire will control the entire galaxy, and I am going to be a part of it. Hunter: Don't fool yourself. All you'll ever be to them is a number.

He undeniably knows what the Empire is doing, but he does not care. In fact it sure sounds like he actually supports it and finds self-meaning in it. Hunter spends those episodes trying to convince him it's wrong, he doesn't change his mind. In the end they offer him an out and he doesn't take it.

Wrecker: You coming with us? Crosshair: None of this changes anything. Hunter: You offered us a chance, Crosshair. This is yours. Crosshair: I made my decision.

The next we see Crosshair in "The Solitary Clone" (S2:E3) he follows orders and shoots the Desix governor, right after Cody heartbreakingly tries to do what's right and find a peaceful solution.

Cody: Tell me something, Crosshair. This new Empire, are we making the galaxy better? Crosshair: We’re soldiers, we do what needs to be done. Cody: You know what makes us different from battle droids? We make our own decisions, our own choices. And we have to live with them too.

After this (glorious!) conversation, Crosshair stays. Maybe this began to seed some doubts, but he actually smiles a few scenes later when Rampart assigns him another mission. It seems like for him it truly is as he said in S1:E1 (chip not enhanced yet but still influencing him enough for his brothers to notice he's acting strange):

Crosshair: Republic, Empire... what's the difference.

Crosshair: Orders are orders.

This unethical mission that finally pushed Cody over the edge does not change Crosshair's mind about the Empire, at least not enough for him to take action.

But what does?

Mayday: And here we are, the survivors. Combat troopers stuck babysitting cargo shipments. Crosshair: Mission’s a mission. Mayday: Yeah, I used to say the same thing.

Mayday: After all the clones have done, all we’ve sacrificed. We’re good soldiers, we followed orders. And for what?

This mission has nothing to do with how the fascist Empire treats the galaxy, it's about how they treat their soldiers. It's about how Mayday loyally fought and served his whole life and Lieutenant Nolan let him die

Lt Nolan: He served his purpose as a soldier of the Empire. Crosshair: You could have saved him! Lt Nolan: Perhaps you didn’t hear me, he is expendable, as are you.

Crosshair thought he could find purpose within the Empire, and Nolan shows him exactly what that will be.

His turning point is accompanied with this powerful visual of the ice vulture, a symbol (and threat) of death, and also set up within the episode a symbol of survival:

Mayday: Vicious creatures, but you have to admire ‘em. They find a way to survive.

This critical moment (that gives me chills, oof this episode is a masterpiece!) comes right after Nolan calls him expendable and directly threatens him:

Lt Nolan: And if you speak to me again with such disrespect I'll see to it you meet a similar fate, clone.

then Crosshair sees the vulture's shadow and turns to Mayday's dead body (ahh visual storytelling my beloved) then makes his decision:

Crosshair turns against the Empire not because he believes Hunter was right about this:

Hunter: I've seen what the Empire is doing ... You know it's not right.

but because he was right about this:

Hunter: All you'll ever be to them is a number.

Redemption (both in fiction and irl in my humble opinion) comes with making amends and reparations (which is why death 'redemptions' bother me so much but that's a rant for another time). Unlike Emerie, Crosshair never explicitly denounces the Empire or his own actions within it. He never says anything to specifically show if and how his views have changed from what he said on Kamino. He makes amends with his family (sending the warning message, helping Omega escape, making up with Hunter) but that's about it. The most we get in terms of acknowledgement is this:

Crosshair: I thought I knew what I was getting into with the Empire. I thought I was being a good soldier. Hunter: Nobody really understood what was happening back then. Crosshair: I’ve... done things. I’ve made mistakes. Hunter: I have regrets too, Crosshair. All we can do is keep trying to be better, and who knows there just might be hope for us yet.

Which is nice and all but it's more about them making up as brothers so it's way too excusing tbh ("no one knew what was happening back then" ummm? "The Empire will control the entire galaxy, and I am going to be a part of it" remember? And even if at first Crosshair was being controlled by the chip, the fact that he chose to stay after it was removed* means he condones and is therefore still accountable for those actions).

There's also a bit of self-destructive guilt:

Crosshair: Omega, don't risk anything for me. I belong in here.

Crosshair: Omega needs you both. So I’m doing this alone, it’s what I deserve. Hunter: Don’t even think about plan 99, Crosshair. Omega needs all of us.

(which thank you Hunter for pushing back on the death redemption bs and oh look is that a wrap up for the purpose thing?)

But there's no action taken on his part to make up for what he's done or to stand against the Empire (aside from the bare minimum of help with Tantiss, only after it became personally relevant, which like yeah he had trauma to deal with but still).

While I do think the implications/follow-up of Crosshair's turn should have been handled better in S3 (like rip Howzer! he deserved an apology, but that's a rant for another time), I don't necessarily** think this arc is a bad writing choice. It's just saying different things than we expect:

Maybe Crosshair's story is not about standing up against an unjust system, like we see with many other characters (who deserved more screen time but that's a rant for another timeeee). Maybe his story is about how even those who are loyal to the Empire, who actually believe in it, still suffer under and within it's rule. Not to garner sympathy, but to show that there is no winning.

Crosshair has another 'so what changed' convo in S3:E14 with Rampart, in which they draw parallels to each other:

Rampart: You used to believe good soldiers followed orders. Crosshair: Depends on who's giving them. The Empire betrayed us both. Rampart: And you think you can fight them? That's not you. You're like me, loyal to no one but yourself. Crosshair: I've changed.

(note how he says who's giving the orders, not what the orders are)

"Loyal to no one but yourself" describes Rampart much more than Crosshair, since we often saw Crosshair pride himself as a loyal soldier of the Empire whereas we saw Rampart abuse power to be self-serving within the Empire (like when he killed Wilco to save face). But they were both betrayed either way. Vice Admiral Rampart, snively Imperial opportunist through-and-through, shouts "I was following orders!" as he is arrested for the Empire's purposes.

Even Hemlock, the final boss immoral Imperial scientist, who has to be benefiting the most from this system, echoes the expendability idea:

Hemlock: What I am working on is beyond your understanding. Something so vital to the Empire it makes me indispensable.

Then there's CX-2, also set up as a parallel/foil to Crosshair (fight me), who in the end is discarded as no more than a weapon, a tool that served it's purpose, showing us what would have become of Crosshair if he had stayed.

There is no winning in the Empire. Loyalty is not rewarded, it "doesn't go both ways." Everyone has to fight for their value. Even high ranking individuals** who for a time benefit from the injustice, in the end are just pawns to be used up and cast aside at a whim for the Emperor's gain. Even people who are motivated by self-interest alone cannot survive within this system, the only viable option in this galaxy is to fight the Empire and dismantle that system. (unless you conveniently find a magically safe island to hide away on but that's a rAnT fOr AnOtHeR tImE)

Which brings us back to...

Emerie - Cooperation, Compassion, and Choice

(Okay this post has already gotten away from me but I still want to talk about her to show the contrasts.)

Emerie may not have been given a lot of screen time to really flesh out her development, but there is a lot that is pretty clearly implied with her:

Crosshair: They’ll never turn her [Omega] over. Hemlock: They don’t have a choice. She is a clone, and therefore Imperial property. *Camera cuts to an angle more centered on Emerie’s face*

Crosshair: Give me your access card! Emerie: It won’t get you outside!

Emerie: I tried to warn him what would happen if he did not cooperate with the Doctor.

Emerie: Prisoner? Omega, you are no such thing. It will take time to adjust, but you will acclimate. It is far safer in here than out there.

Emerie: You should go back to your room. Crosshair: You mean her cell?

Emerie: Why children? Hemlock: Children are easier to attain and more agreeable to the subjugations. They are unaware of why they are here and what they possess.

Emerie: They're children. Like I was... Was your plan to discard them too? Nala Se: The Empire will keep them in order to control them.

We don't know a lot about Emerie's background, but it's clear that she had a lot less choice than Crosshair and less opportunity or ability to leave. Unlike Crosshair, we never directly hear Emerie's views of the Empire (and she was most likely 'taken under Hemlock's wing' before the Empire even came to power), but lets look at how she talks about the Tantiss:

"Remain calm. Cooperate and you might survive."

"Don't make this worse, Crosshair! There is no escape!"

"All of us serve a purpose here."

"The Doctor will inform me, if it's necessary."

"It's best not to ask questions."

"Escape is not possible, Omega. This is for your own good."

She honestly does the best she can within the system she is also trapped in. She tries to help Crosshair, Omega, and the vault kids in the only way she knows how (warns Crosshair about the hounds and security, tries to protect Omega from Hemlock, tells Scorch his "actions were extreme" with Jax, insists on overseeing Bayrn's retrieval, double checks his m-count (to give him an out), and tries to find out where he came from). When she gives Omega, and later Eva, the doll, I think it shows just how little she really is able to do here (and it's kinda heartbreaking imo).

The framing of this shot especially (after Jax's escape attempt) visually shows how Emerie herself is trapped/imprisoned:

Despite the fact that very little of this is Emerie's fault, she has very little power and she is doing all she can, the narrative does not excuse her role in the Empire:

Nala Se: What will you do, Emerie? Emerie: There is nothing I can do. I don't have that kind of power. Nala Se: Don't you?

Emerie: I- I was doing my job. Echo: Yeah, I’ve heard that before. You’re a clone. How can you be part of this?

These fighting-the-Bystander-Effect conversations parallel these exchanges:

Hunter: We made a choice, and so did you. Crosshair: Soldiers follow orders. Hunter: Blind allegiance makes you a pawn.

Crosshair: We’re soldiers, we do what needs to be done. Cody: You know what makes us different from battle droids? We make our own decisions, our own choices. And we have to live with them too.

which did not change Crosshair's mind. And honestly, all respect to Echo's disappointed mom glare™ but I think it's clear Emerie had already made her decision, she just needed help to actually be able to do anything about it. When she stopped Echo, with her voice wavering on the verge of tears (ahhh v good voice acting), she clearly had no intention of turning him in. She's on her own in the Empire's most secure facility with very little resources, if she had tried anything on her own she most likely would have failed and been killed

Omega: Emerie, you don't have to do this. Emerie: (sigh) I’m sorry, but I do.

but as soon as she is enabled by an ally, she immediately turns around to help: giving information and getting Echo through security, helping the kids escape, and giving Omega the tablet that allows them to free the other clone prisoners.

Where Crosshair's turn is accompanied by the symbolic imagery of the ice vulture, Emerie's is the removal of her (literally rose-tinted!) glasses:

Symbolizing how she has shed her previous views/indoctrination that altered her perception of the Empire and blinded her to it's wrongs. It's disillusionment.

Emerie's story shows us that even those who are raised and indoctrinated into this system can, should, and will escape (with needed help). Even those who did not choose to be apart of the Empire and are not making the decisions still have the responsibility and ability to act on what they know is right.

Emerie, whose name means 'Home strength' 'Brave' and 'Powerful', and "reflects the importance of leadership and authority in the workplace".***

While Emerie is only in one more scene after her turn, so the wrap up is a bit rushed, she still very simply does what Crosshair does not:

Emerie: Because I was wrong about this place. And I'm trying to do the right thing.

Echo: I’m sure Senator Chuchi would find what you have to say very helpful for our cause. Emerie: I have a lot to make up for. I’d like to help out however I can.

She admits wrong, takes accountability, commits to making amends, and leaves with Echo to go take on the Empire (which hopefully we will get to actually see more of some day).

So, in short, she's showing us how redemption is done right!

---

Notes:

*Whether this writing choice was good/logical/in-character or not is another discussion entirely, but I'm going off of what we were given, what the show is presenting in the canon text and (reasonably inferred/intentional) subtext. Crosshair is pretty multifaceted and I could only touch on so much here. There's a lot of ways to interpret his character/choices, but I tried to avoid the realm of speculation or fanon explanations (even if they sometimes make more sense lol).

**History and political theory are not my area of expertise at all, so I have NO idea how well this aligns with real-world fascism stuff and therefore what implications this storytelling choice could have. I think the message of like 'if you think you could survive or gain power by doing what the Empire/fascist system wants you are wrong' could be good (like how everyone is actually harmed by the patriarchy type of a thing), but I hesitate bc maybe there are those who would benefit, since it's a hierarchal system, right? If anyone more knowledgeable than me has incite to share, by all means

Either way, I do think it works in-story and in-universe though. It's just in the execution. The main problem (even from a strictly theme/character arc stand point) is the lacking follow-up/consequences for Crosshair in S3. Like you gave your character accountability by removing the chip and I think that's great setup for an arc but you gotta follow through with that and actually hold him accountable!

***I'm always curious when clones have 'normal' names, like why did they chose the name Emerie of all things? So I looked it up. Idk how reliable sources are for name meanings so take it with a grain of salt but it's still fun. Fits pretty well, and clones names have definitely had significant meanings in the past (like how Rex and Jesse both mean 'king') so I'm pretty sure it was intentional.

Anyway, thanks for coming to my tedtalk

[motherstone]

Nightmare

or where Alma gets an idea of what Trellis may have experienced. Thank you @sovonight for this helpful post ^_^ I wanted to sharpen my comic-making skills, so I initially planned to make a few short comics in between working on What Remains, except I kinda messed up on this one, bc it's waaay more polished and longer than I intended 💀 well, I'm very happy w the end result regardless!

Notes:

Mmmm I think I ended up disturbing my sister over this one, and frankly, one of Trellis's expressions was far scarier than I envisioned 😱 but that aside, this was initially meant to be a fic, but it was too long, and I'm not very good at words, so I figured a comic summarized better than whatever I had to say.

I thought it'd be interesting to depict a rare side of Trellis at his most vulnerable, terrified, and hostile - esp since in What Remains we get to see him more composed, if rather somber and with a "dead" look in his eyes. It's a sad contrast for sure. "Palace" is a trigger word for Trellis, as Valcor is the abusive place he's been trying to escape for a long time.

The OCs here are Alma, who we see in What Remains in her beta design, and another OC, who was also in What Remains and I'm still working on a name yet (the one with the birthmark on her face). They serve as Trellis's personal guards, so they exist outside the hierarchy of the military. Alma's face tattoos are meant to indicate she's a warrior from where she's from, and the two braids are to show she's unmarried (which a cultural thing from East Gulfen).

The comic is set 2 years post-war - a WIP I call Post rewrite - just a few weeks after Trellis's coronation. Gulfen switched capital cities, old government officials are deposed and/or incarcerated, and everyone is adjusting as best as they could with their new roles. Trellis adapted fine, but the more mundane parts of his life... Not so much.

It gets touched upon on another illustration, hence Alma is the one who was sent to find Trellis and escort him throughout Gulfen, and they spent a year travelling together, initially she was quite grating towards Trellis, but mellowed out once she gets some suspicion that Trellis was abused sometime in the past, not living a privileged life as she assumed.

This comic is "canon" to Post Rewrite, meaning that it's extremely likely it will not be subjected to any changes.

[penny-anna]

ok some actual thoughts on The Giggle now i've had a few days to digest it:

STUFF I LIKED:

'spice up your life' dance sequence absolutely mesmerising. could not look away from the screen. incredible.

melanie bush!! ahhh this was so sweet. the reunion scene was pitch perfect. after Power of the Doctor (which was also pitch perfect just in a different way) really nice to see an old companion w a more upbeat relationship w the Doctor. also liked that they explained how she got back to earth that was fun.

into all the creepy puppet stuff. esp into the guy who straight up got turned into a puppet that was fucked.

liked the new persona for the Toymaker!! was a little :S at the german accent in the trailers but in context it was like OH he's doing this on purpose. okay. should've given RTD more credit that was a smart move.

DELIGHTED to see so much Ncuti Gatwa. honestly that was where the episode really picked up for me. loved seeing him run around his his underwear. love that he's got a jukebox in his TARDIS.

in isolation loved the idea of the incoming & outgoing doctors getting to meet face to face and hug it out i thought that was a really nice new spin on a regen scene <3

also in isolation, have long been of the opionion that Tennant's exit was needlessly bleak so i was looking forward to seeing him get a more upbeat regen and it did deliver on that for sure ljdlkghfdlskg

STUFF I LIKED LESS:

i already talked about & reblogged various posts about the bigen so i will not belabour the point too much dfjkghdflk. mixed feelings suffice to say.

i THINK this regen was like. kind of Sensitive as there was always going to be a demographic of people who'd be consciously or unconsciously unwilling to accept Gatwa as the new Doctor and as a result i think in this specific instance that ending was a. bad way to go. it leaves wriggle room for people who don't want to accept Gatwa for racist reasons. I'm 100% down for Gatwa and as i was watching it i could feel myself struggling to connect w him bcos Tennant was still there. iunno reserving full judgement on this for now bcos hopefully the christmas special will smooth things over a bit.

much as i loved seeing her not sure why Mel was there? like this is barely a complaint bcos im down to just have classic companions show up but. why was Mel there

other people have already said this but honestly it did not fully deliver on the Toymaker. feel like he's a character w a HUGE amount of potential and he didn't uh. do all that much.

also this is VERY PETTY but given that the Toymaker has appeared a bunch in the EU it would have been nice to like leave it more ambiguous how many times they've met previously? if that makes sense? i wouldn't expect the show to canonise any EU content but they didn't have to go out of their way to say that the Doctor and the Toymaker have only met once previously.

as i have implied previously not a fan of how UNIT is being portrayed. would like to see them treated more ambivalently tbph.

in conclusion:

had a good time!!

all in all think this was the weakest of the 3 specials but it did have a hard job to do wrapping everything up. however did provide a lot of fun stuff to Chew on. ah well.

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

Hei-Ran Analyst: "In defense of Hei-Ran?"

So like....Not to EXCUSE Hei-Ran of killing her cousin or other people in Agni Kais........but like....I dunno why but it feels like her talk about honor in SoK might paint a damning picture as to WHY she did that. And I REALLY need myself a Kuruk novel or something TT0TT

(under the cut because it gets long, also sorry I'm all over the place/word vomitty but ahhhhh Hei-Ran!)

Between her being cleared AND her words in SoK, it makes me wonder if there was more stuff at stake than her being "headmistress".

Huazo mentions that Agni Kais have been fought to the death before, so I wonder if there's different levels (where they agree on death or not). Maybe that played a role in Hei-Ran's bad reputation? She agreed to no "out right kills" but "accidental" kills were allowed. (the wiki says they are rarely fought to the death pre-Sozin's rule....so maybe death is just the most extreme?)

I wonder if Junsik had anything to do with it? Of course they don't say if that's when she became headmistress, or if she was just a teacher. There's also the flashback chapters with Kuruk, I don't think Hei-Ran was dropping relatives and countrymen like flies (at least at the rate to get that rumor about her) when she was traveling with him. It'd kinda go against his whole "my friends were so good and bright." It had to have happened after they fell apart.

There's also this, to be fair it's the Earth Kingdom, but IMAGINE if it was the Fire Nation:

Like, Jianzhu baby, I don't think she resisted any temptation, at least in her OWN country. I think she very much scorched holes....but into people's eyeballs, not into the ceiling. TT0TT You know, the same country where "they fight at the smallest slight to their name and family?"

Combine that with the Sei'Naka's being so small and being an exporters of people('s talents):

I dunno. I feel like it's a perfect storm of an absolutely horrible situation. TT0TT I dunno if Junsik is a distant relative within the Sei'Naka clan OR if he married into it, but I'm pretty sure they heavily hinted that Hei-Ran is the one from the Sei'Naka clan (Kuruk's first flashback in SoK mentions his original firebender companion being a Sei'Naka man and that Hei-Ran was his "younger relative."

So combine Hei-Ran being raised in that "do or die" clanhood, and mix it in with people being RIGHT FUCKING CREEPS to her (and later her young daughter, and lord knows she's been dealing with it since SHE was that young). In a nation where the smallest slight can put you in a burn match that could sometimes result in death. And then combined ALL OF THAT, with the "sometimes you gotta lay down your own honor for what's right."

I can totally see her "accidentally" killing someone in an Agni Kai if it meant protecting herself or someone else. Maybe not ALL of them, but I thin it's more interesting to have it be grey with a lot of them. I mean it's the only thing that makes sense, esp if her "honor was still kept intact!"

....I was gonna end it there but one last point that's kind of a side tangent (that kinda loops back to this). She's def a hardass but I don't think she's as cruel as she's portrayed most of the time. Like she has this moment:

Which, to loop back around, makes me go:

"Hei-Ran what the fuck did you go through growing up????"

But then we get to the end of the chapter:

For all the talk she made about maiming students she 1) held the fuck back from doing so, only warn him with her words. 2) when it came down to it, she was obviously NOT down for Jianzhu maiming Yun. She was complicit, but she obviously showed discomfort for it.

If not for Jianzhu, I don't thinks he would've done it. She's all talk, she's not the type to actually maim students. And I think Rangi is the perfect example. If Hei-Ran was really that horrible, someone who would kill family members and maim students..... then why isn't Rangi marked up? Kyoshi makes special mention (from what she's seen of Rangi) that Rangi has no marks.

"Rangi's her daughter" And yet Hei-Ran killed a cousin. Rangi was also her student. Rangi also has a horrible temper, like throwing furniture kind of temper. To the point Hei-Ran isn't surprised/phased when it happens. (considering the BS Rangi's gone through, and since it's more so played for laughs, I don't blame Rangi kjfdlsaj TT0TT)

It's just, if Hei-Ran is really that horrible, Yun and Rangi would be a lot more worse for wear.

Again, this isn't to fully excuse Hei-Ran, she's done horrible things (aka not stopping Jianzhu and other stuff). She very much acknowledges her own shortcomings, and even goes about to do what she can to fix her own sins. But I think there's just a lot of interesting grey area stuff just....hidden under the surface. And I think that makes her a really interesting character.....And I really want that explored.

Tldr; Can I have a Kuruk novel please? 0w0

[peachesofteal]

oh man as much as the end sort of resolves some of the angst in that last baby trap au fic you posted, with johnny and simon more or less clinging to bee as a reminder of their darling, i have to imagine that it isn’t that simple, and it doesn’t stay that neat

you kinda touched upon it earlier in that piece with johnny’s pov and him finding out and everything, saying that they did this to you, but i like to imagine that despite having bee as a reminder of darling, everything still kind of just fractures for simon and johnny (sort of like in your au with darling setting the house on fire and killing herself)

like, maybe it’s a few months in to caring for bee, and while it’s nice—it’s nice to have a daughter that reminds them of you—johnny just always figured it’d be the three of you taking care of your kid—that you’d be there with them for every step of the way, and everything would be okay again. but you aren’t—there isn’t even the possibility of you coming back—and the two of them have to grapple with the weight that they did indeed do this to you. if they hadn’t interfered with darling’s birth control—if they hadn’t gotten you pregnant (against your will) in the first place, you’d still be there with them

and maybe they can pretend, for a little while, that everything is okay and that they can get through this, but they can’t pretend forever. eventually reality sets in. eventually the apartment feels too empty without you. bee keeps crying for you and despite their best efforts, simon and johnny can’t seem to soothe her. i imagine that one night amidst bee’s crying that johnny says something off handed to simon, passive aggressive and finger-pointing. maybe he’s been prodding at him for a while—an off-note comment here, a sharp jab there—and simon takes it. he knows the weight of your loss that he bears—that he orchestrated. but this time it escalates. i don’t know the specifics of how, but it does. the hurt grows too sharp. it can’t be tucked away in some dark cupboard any longer. i also don’t know the specifics of the argument beyond addressing the blame and the hurt, but I definitely can imagine johnny asking simon if he “still doesn’t regret it”, a la what he said in that argument they had with darling immediately after the discovery of the tampered pills. idk if johnny would try to leave, again similar to the aftermath of the darling suicide au (though this time with bee in tow); it’s difficult for me to say concretely. would love to hear your thoughts on this if you have the time

anyway, sorry to bother you with my extensive thoughts—i haven’t been able to know rest since i discovered your dead disco series, esp. with all the the juicy aus you keep gifting us. i love your work with every cell in my body (i’ve run a poll and checked…. the results were unanimous). stay safe and healthy, and i hope you have a wonderful day!

I… I-

I have so many thoughts and feelings about this. SO many! The imagery you’ve built here, two tired fathers at their wits end, struggling to keep it together, struggling to take care of Bee, struggling to love one another. Failing miserably.

I think about Johnny, who loves Simon so fucking much, who used to not be able to bear the thought of being apart from him, who now considers… what it might be like, if he was alone. What it might be like, if it was just him and Bee. Johnny can’t reconcile his changed feelings, the way his love has shifted in his heart, and that frightens him, it confuses him. Johnny who’s trying so hard to be a good dad, to take care of the pieces that are left of his family, while neglecting himself. And maybe it doesn’t boil over, maybe it hollows out, leaves him feeling like his love and affection for Si has run dry.

Maybe they get into it, like you mentioned. Maybe it devolves into a yelling match, or something else. Something sadder.

“Was this worth it?” Johnny would cry, holding a screaming Bee to his chest. “You still don’t regret it?”

“Johnny. Don’t.” Simon would snap, pain searing into every syllable.

“You won’t even hold her! Can’ even look at her. Your own daughter!” Johnny’s voice would break, like he’s breaking inside, because he feels so alone, so disconnected, so fucking lost.

And like the “burning down the house” au, Simon is destroyed. Wracked with guilt, he can’t sleep, can’t work, can’t focus on anything. He doesn’t even hold Bee, unless it’s necessary, which puts all the more stress in Johnny. All he does is replay it over and over, the day you discovered the pills, the night you left, the last time he saw you, the phone call. All he wanted was to hold you, and tell you how sorry he was, and tell you how selfish he was, how wrong he was. He wanted to beg your forgiveness. He wanted to bring you home.

Instead, they brought home a jar of ashes and a newborn baby.

🩵

[f1amboyant]

Hello, im not sure if this is the story the u meant but imma put the linkk.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/46344100

About the carcar tho, if its the same universe or not, im hoping for a happy ending for carcar. And shy carlos urif

Even if they do not like end up together, maybe it would result into a next step into their relationship. I dunno about the charlos issue, but im team carcar for now 🤭. And i dunno if they will be able to like overcome their ‘issues’ since they are both stubborn like bricks. And repressed feelings of course.

But i always see it that the attraction goes on both ways esp during these past races hence why carlos called oscar? Oscar seems like the type who is honest and I think that is what Carlos needs?

Srry im not able to properly link the fic because its anonymous, still kinda shy 😵‍💫. And SORRY for rambling hdid thank u

Hello anon! ✨

Don't apologize for rambling, I love it! Keep the asks coming 🥰

Yes! Thank you for the link, it's this charlos fic exactly!

As for this girl!carlos carcar, it's not in the same universe but you can imagine it is, if you want, anon! 🥰

Yes, it will be a happy ending for carcar! They are stubborn, that's true. But after Carlos being vulnerable with Oscar, and Oscar getting a taste of that sweet sweet 🍑, things are gonna get moving. I think, after they hook up and Oscar helps Carlos turn back into a man, Oscar is down down bad. So he avoids Carlos, until Carlos confronts him and he finally admits that wants him, right now, as a man too. And they kiss and they are happy, in their very very stubborn way.

And yes, you are so right anon, Oscar is very honest and that's exactly what Carlos needs. That's why he called him. And that's why he's attracted to him, even if he didn't admit it to himself yet.

Anyway, a little bit more? 🤭

Truly, Oscar should have left a long time ago. Truly, he never should have come at all. Because now. Now this was an opportunity he couldn't pass. Now, he was tempted to say…

"Yes."

Carlos did not smile or wink or anything. He nodded stiffly and stared at Oscar without another word, brown eyes blown so wide they practically took his whole face. Oscar shuffled awkwardly on his feet. He would have loved to look at anything but Carlos. Except his eyes didn't obey his mind anymore, wandering all other Carlos’ body. Carlos’ woman body. He noted new details he hadn't pay attention to before. Like how Carlos still had a lot of hair on his forearms and bare legs, black and almost shiny. It suited him.

He looked pretty.

And delicious.

And he was asking Oscar to…

“Just to be clear,” Oscar said when too much time had past for his comfort (and his pants were growing too tight just at the thought of what was about to happen).

He shuffled again, trying to adjust his crotch subtly but Carlos’ eyes zeroed in between his legs immediately. Well. So much for subtlety.

Oscar cleared his throat.

“Just to be clear,” he tried again, “you're asking me to have sex with you? To put my… hmm you know, inside your… inside you? To make you come and turn you back into a man? Is that it?”

“This guy,” Carlos huffed. "Do you have to spell everything out like that?"

This time, Oscar rolled his eyes.

"Sorry for taking your full consent into consideration," he deadpanned in a tone that indicated very obviously he wasn't sorry at all. He almost regretted saying yes. Almost.

(He didn't regret it at all.)

"How do you wanna do this?" he asked, and cringed at his own words.

This was awkward and so weird and just… Why had Carlos asked for his help again?

"Don't make this weird," Carlos grumbled. "Just. Do like you do with girls," he said, shrugging.

There weren't many girls in Oscar's bed, but he wasn't about to say that.

"I thought you weren't a girl."

"Ah! Shut up, cabrón!"

Carlos put a foot on the mattress, curling an arm around his bent leg. The move revealed way too much from under his shorts. Oscar didn't look. He was a good boy, of course he didn't look. But still. He was pretty sure Carlos wasn't wearing any panties or boxers. Just nothing.

Not that Oscar had seen anything of course.

[aoflameandco]

GrimmNell: character study

Well-well-well, I mentioned once that my GrimmNel brainrot is far from being over - so here we go! What else's to analyze about them though? Well, this time we have a new subject to focus on... the Bleach personality quiz!

Yes, I know it's a bit questionable source for a character study, but let me explain! June 2011. The third Bleach Official Character Book UNMASKED was released in Japan. This databook was mostly famous for giving Ulquiorra a more detailed backstory and showing more of Halibel and her Fracción. However, there was another small tidbit for Arrancar's fans - the official quiz from Kubo - Which Bleach character are you? 

The quiz was extremely simple.  Add up the numbers of your full date of birth and don't forget your blood type. Voila! In the end you get a short profile about your Bleach "personality type", which highlights the key qualities of this particular character.

Now, y'all know where I'm going with this. So, what's like to be like Grimmjow- or Nel according to the databook? Let's check it!

And- Even without any translation, we immediately bump into the first problem. There's only Nel's profile. Not Nelliel's.

Well, they're the same person! It would be weird to separate them, right? But yeah... there's a solid difference in a way her kid and adult forms act.

So the question remains - can we apply this profile's info to the adult Nelliel? Let's read it to find out.

a bit messy not word to word translation's incoming, pls take it with a grain of salt

Cheerful and playful

Nel type!

Good at opening people's hearts. Very quick to make bonds, no matter with who - friends or foes. She is attentive and good at conveying information to those around her. But sometimes she says too much.

• works at her own pace • high sense of camaraderie • doesn't run away from difficulties • hero of justice

Ofc this info perfectly fits baby Nel. She quickly befriended Ichigo, even though he was a shinigami; she was a sort of his guide, explaining how Hueco Mundo works; also she is a big chatterbox, saying surprisingly harsh things sometimes. Her attentive side shined during the Ichigo vs Grimmjow fight, when she noticed Orihime's turmoil and gave her a good advice. She is surely down for justice, but it's a little bit difficult to fight for it in her small body. So the real Nelliel has to step up.

Same qualities but a different approach - that's what I would say about adult!Nel. And it's very visible when it comes to her later interactions with Grimmjow, esp in CFYOW.

But before giving some bright examples, let's take a look at his quiz profile as well - to understand the similarities and contrasts between these two characters.

Responsible but mischievous

Grimmjow type

There's still a bit of a boyish heart (shounen no kokoro) in him. But deep inside he's unexpectedly serious and has a sense of responsibility. He catches the information fast and adapts quickly, but his tendency to get bored could be a problem. If he'll improve this aspect, good fortune is likely to come his way.

• has a sense of responsibility • thrives in adversity • quickly adapts • gets bored easily

And - the quiz highlighted thrice (!) that Grimmjow is indeed a responsible person. Something Nelliel didn't expect as well. As a true hero of justice she was prepared to stop Sexta as soon as he starts an unnecessary violence. But to her surprise - Grimmjow was far from an uncontrollable beast and followed his own codex.

A sense of responsibility didn't turn Grimmjow into an obedient boy though. Him and Nel keep arguing due to their different perspectives - especially when it comes to handling the former enemies.

Nelliel easily bonds with anyone - quincy, Aura, etc., meanwhile Grimmjow picks a fight as a first option. This choice isn't just a result of his bloodthirst though. Grimmjow's survival instincts are strong, so he always stays on guard and doesn't trust easily. That's why he warns Nelliel that her pacifism might end up badly for them all.

Another proof that even though he acts as if he doesn't belong to the group, Grimm isn't as indifferent as he pretends to be. Very responsible of him, huh?

Yet there's another obstacle in their dynamic. Their pacing. Grimmjow is quick to adapt and quick to act, meanwhile Nelliel doesn't like to rush and prefers to gather as much information as possible.

Hard to say who's wrong in this case. Quick reaction benefited Grimmjow in general, but ofc Nel likes to remind him about Askin's incident, her favorite argument to cool him down.

And usually her persuasion works, surely Grimm argues back but still stops. When his stubbornness wins though- there's no way that Nelliel will just let him go. She'll do everything to find him, stop him and bring him back.

Nel complaints but doesn't give up on her fellow arrancar, no matter how difficult the other side is. Knowing Grimmjow's past, the sense of camaraderie isn't an empty word for him too. With creak he opens up to Nel, sharing his thoughts with her. Even though she is too bold with her words sometimes, it doesn't look like Sexta feels a grudge against her.

Grimmjow isn't a friendly type. He likes to fight, but a disappointed look quickly appears on his face, if his enemy doesn't meet expectations. He gets bored easily, he always needs some action. And yet- for some reason Nelliel got his attention.

There's no doubt that he sees her as a nice opponent, he even provoked her to fight with a smirk. He easily forgets anyone who didn't pique his interest and yet Nel's reiatsu is safely stored in his memory.

However, it wouldn't be correct to reduce Grimmjow's attention to a desire to fight, when we have several scenes of him watching Nelliel's peaceful shenanigans. He was calmly watching over kid Nel in anime probably wondering about the connection between this brat and the mighty Tres, he was dying of boredom, but still didn't take his eyes off her tea party in the novel. Even Halibel noticed it and offered him to join, but ofc he proudly refused.

So what did we confirm again? Even though Grimmjow and Nelliel share rather opposite views when it comes to socializing or making decisions, some of their character traits are surprisingly compatible. Grimmjow gained some respect points, when Nel started to notice his responsible side, meanwhile he opened up to her pushy yet reliable presence. Nelliel doesn't give up on her persuasion and he doesn't get bored of arguing with her. Covering eo's flaws they make quite a powerful duo, isn't?

So let's hope we'll see more of their rocky bond next season~

[glitter-stained]

comments sections are bleh let me invade your inbox hello

ON HANAHAKI AU. and also in conjuction (is that the right word? i do not care about google i trust my brain!!) with the notif i got of you liking one of my art pieces. the original context of hanahaki has always felt Weird to me bcs its like ? giving people an obligation to reciprocatw your feelings. INSTEAD i subscribe to the idea of it being about extreme lack of communication and repression that results in a physical overflow—in this case still flowers suffocating u bcs cool aestheticw qnd also they carry this fucked up vibe to them idk man

ANYWAY i just think its SUPER fitting for jason in his familial relationships (ESP bruce) and i think each time he dies its just building more and more. like concealing this thing over and over again, not letting himself process what hes dealing with and express that hes desperate for validation and love + yk. all that trauma that people like to pretend has been resolved ...

not to mention. jason is a canonically suicidal character, at least passively, so the amount of value he puts on resolving the issue and curing himself is.. Lacking

i have no idea if any of that made sense i dont think my meds have kicked in yet and my brain is SCREAMING. Sorry for my godawful typing

Okay so

First of all I usually like Hanahaki BECAUSE you cannot make yourself love someone. So in general I like classic hanahaki because you get one of two situations:

1. Soft hurt/comfort where the person's self-esteem and past trauma stops them from realising the others actually love them back (I'm a soft bitch and will enjoy any variation of this trope)

OR

2. Tragedy when they try their best to make themselves love the sick person the way they need to, they love them but not in the way they need, and in the end it feels like their love is not enough no matter how much they love and they have to watch their loved one die because of it. Do you understand the tragedy it's so good!!!

So usually I like trad!hanahaki

However

I'm not kidding when I made the Jason hanahaki before seeing your ask i was already like wait but for jason what if it's not about feeling unloved. What if the very act of loving someone whose love will never satisfy you, not because of its nature but because you have such a different understanding of love and what it implies, is what hurts you. What if the reason you're sick is because you love someone who keeps hurting you, and you hate that you love them, and you can't help that you love them and you can't help that you hate that you love them, and this is what kills you.

And even death does not stop the love, just like the love can't stop itself from killing you.

So that's the OG thought for the AU

Honestly I really like your take on that, the relentlessness and desperation, and the suicidality -I can see him being so tired of the pain and at first wanting them to see and then realising they're not seeing it and getting used to it, getting comfortable in that cycle of pain and just waiting for the day it finally takes, until he has to actively conceal it because he's grown so used to his own personal garden of doom that someone finding out, and the emotional vulnerability that comes with it, is scarier than this.

Also loved your art because the version of Hanahaki death i like most is when the body horror is hardcore. Like, sure, die choking on flowers maybe but I need a whole rosier to sprout out of the ribcage, alien-style. And I think after Jason wakes up from his death, the plant is just there. I think he has a whole safehouse where he keeps his plants. He calls it the Greenhouse. It's beautiful, and the petals are bloodstained.

[peeledpokemon]

I'm sososo curious. What is your process for deciding what parts of them are peel and which are the insides? Some of it feels clear and then some of them it's like 'why did/didn't you remove this part' so I need to know how you decide where the peel ends and the innards begin

i answered this in the past in a more laissez-faire attitude in the past, but i think I'll be more legit this time, esp since I've been a lot less of a small gremlin under the bed and more like. an actual person on this blog lmao.

In the past it was kind of an "everything goes" sort of attitude, back when the blog was created. Everything but the skin. Legit i found what might be considered the most "skin-like" color from the pokemon and/or what the skin tone probably would be and just recolored everything which was..... a bit of an annoying process looking back, and it's probably why i burnt out of even touching this travesty for a few years.

Nowadays, i'm a lot more lazy about it ngl, but i feel it's allowed for a few more funny things. Whatever the base color is, I'll take it and just sorta smooth out everything. Usually patterns go as well, unless its funnier to keep them [clodsire], or it's kinda impossible to tell where the base color starts and ends [girafarig]. The re-lining and re-coloring is a lot less work as a result and means i get to have a little more energy to do things like turn Clodsire into a goddamn pokepuff, and take on the more mentally taxing ones, like ripping the metal platings off of Dialga, Palkia, and Giratina. Essentially i get to be more lazy in exchange for actually thinking about what i'm keeping and getting rid of. As for specifically "where the peeling ends and the innards begin" it really depends. Usually i try to keep at least the bare creature. So, face, limbs, ears, and tails, but i still often break this rule bc either: A. i think it's funnier to yeet them [wooper, voltorb] B. there's nothing to structure a redraw over [glaceon's tail is basically just paper] C. i just don't want to be bothered with fixing it [leafeon's ears would require too much editing to look good as a peel so i just. Plucked them. like leaves.] Hope i answered your question in the ramble anyway

[meetthegofer]

🦀🦅💕😑💀 (esp interested in the last one considering game mechanics)

THANK YOU TORRANCE MY GOAT.. once again since this will be a little long its going under a readmore 🔥 thank you though this is a very fun selection

🦀- How did they handle realizing they were in love? Embarrassed? Nervous? Mad?

fossey was absolutely the more accepting of his feelings of the two in this regard; though they were definitely pretty nervous they tended to downplay it a lot, like "welllll... people get crushes on coworkers with all the time!! plus its not like anything's gonna come of it, so its fine for me to like him.. im sure ill get over it soon" <- that. generally just didnt register that they might have a chance At All and as a result didnt really catch themself reading too much into his words/actions because "well its not like he'd like me anyways! that would be wasting my time. i have a job to do, after all".

sniper on the other hand...

for him, the realization was like being hit in the face with a brick. not because he thought fossey was particularly undesirable in any way that would make him go "i cant believe i like THEM", but rather because he was still operating under the expectation of not really getting to know them or really form any relationship/attachment past just. general coworker amiability. it honestly made him panic a bit, because he wasnt sure if this would affect his performance in battle ["if i get hung up on something like that, itll be easier for me to get distracted and hurt more easily. or worse, ill underperform" <- that sorta thing] and again, he tries to consider himself as being somewhat divorced from feelings, at least on a professional level. of course, we know this to not be true [calls his parents regularly, shows genuine care to his teammates, etc etc] but well. hes stupid. <3.

🦅- How good are their friends at being wingmen? Do they even help at all or just sit back watching the pining with a bag of popcorn?

...you could not possibly have a worse ensemble of wingmen than the options laid out for these two. at the absolute least, fossey has the support of miss pauling, who reassures them about things when they feel down. however shes not really an active wingman? like she encourages fossey but doesnt ever actively try to vouch for fossey as a potential partner for sniper, mostly because fossey has asked her Not to [going back to the whole lack of perceived desirability they feel and all]. other than that, they havent really confided in their feelings to anyone else, mostly because they know theres literally no circumstance under which it would end without great humiliation.

sniper, on the other hand, tries to be discreet when asking for advice, but everyone kind of Knows who hes got his eyes set on. so when he tries to ask for help and is immediately met with a chorus of "ooooh so youre finally gonna ask out fossey?" hes like FUCK YOU and also how did you know [fake idgafer they saw you saying good morning!! when you dont do that for anyone else!!!!]. so i think he would get frustrated and then not ask for help again

that said i can definitely see a few of the mercs trying to take things into their own hands. scout makes stupid jokes to fossey about sniper ["yknow hes got a picture of ya in his camper, right?" "HE WANTS TO SHOOT ME?" "NO"], soldier probably tries giving him unsolicited advice that literally only worked because zhanna matches his freak so well, and medic breaks HIPAA in a strange way to try and bring them closer together. none of it ever works but theyre all quite content to watch the two of them very awkwardly dance around their feelings for one another and tease them about it [though mostly sniper. since fossey does a shockingly good job at hiding her side of things + they havent known her nearly as long]

💕- Who confessed first and how? Did it go as planned or did shenanigans ensue?

oh this ones fun. they both kinda confessed at different times, but the first one just... didnt work? going back to this question set, after fossey apologizes/confronts sniper about his avoidance, he Does confess his feelings, but does so in a more vague way that fossey absolutely Did Not Clock as romantic. unfortunately this ended with the most brutally unintentional friendzone known to man

its not as though All hope is lost, though. like i said, there were multiple "confessions", albeit fossey's was admittedly much more thought out in terms of like. the specifics.

see, they have a really bad habit of overworking [mostly because they lose track of time very easily, and their work is so repetitive its easy to get lost in the sauce. they arent a very intentional overachiever], and a lot of sleep problems. as such, it was bound to happen that they would one day fall asleep at their desk, having worked themself to exhaustion and not really noticing it until they'd woken up...

sniper notices fossey sleeping at their desk, hours after they were supposed to leave for the day [being a bit of an insomniac himself, he would sometimes just. walk around. everyone on the team is kind of a freak it makes sense to me. you know]. so he goes and wakes them up like "hey dude you were supposed to leave hours ago" and theyre like FUCK right ill be out of here in a second. however, before they can leave, sniper remembers that fossey usually Walks home. so he offers them a ride, because the idea of them walking home alone at like 2am greatly unsettles him. they agree, and since its only a 15/20 minute walk it ends up being a very short drive, spent in an admittedly comfortable silence between the two. maybe a longing glance or two is passed without the other noticing.

and just before fossey steps out of the van to go fuck off to their apartment building, without even thinking they lean over and give him a kiss on the cheek, then step out and wave goodbye like nothing happened. [its not until theyre actively closing the door to the apartment building behind them that they realize what theyve done. and by then theyre like FUCK]

sniper is obviously speechless, because just a couple months ago he got friendzoned and he was still wrestling with the fact that his feelings were only getting stronger with time. he just kind of sits there for a second before he realizes he probably looks crazy just sitting there in a van outside an apartment complex that is primarily home to like. old ladies. and on the drive back to his usual parking space for the camper hes just like Fuuuck work is gonna be so awkward tomorrow.

and the next day they do talk it out.. fossey stops by his camper and is like Heyyy so can we um 😅 talk about last night haha... and they give a verbal confession but end it with like "im not really expecting you to feel the same way but since you basically already know i figured id tell you..." and snipers just there like It is unbelievable how much i feel the same way. i imagine the conversation itself would be quite awkard/seemingly "anticlimactic" for the start of a relationship, sort of like [incoming maine moment] shimamitsu's first little stint as a couple in skip to loafer where they just very awkwardly are like "do you... wanna try going out?" after a rather embarrassingly sudden confession. but both of them are autistic and awkward so <3 love is love <3

😑- How easily do they get jealous and how do they handle it?

fossey is admittedly not very jealous at all LOL though this mostly comes from the fact that they dont place very high value in themself. so theyre like "? if he ever found someone else he'd just go for it man i dont think it'd be worthwhile to keep me around just to cheat". they also just arent really the possessive type, since they do actually trust him quite a bit in this regard and are very much of the "if you love something let it go" mindset. however in the context where i ship sniper with the other mercs theyre very chill with it. because fossey has the fujoshi spirit 👍

if they ever Would get jealous i think they would handle it well enough on their own, though. they tried exactly one [1] time to make a joke about sniper leaving for someone else and he was MORTIFIED so they were like Damn i probably shouldnt do that again that was a little mean.

sniper i think would probably be a little bit more jealous? it doesnt come up very much, but every once in a while someone gets just a liiittle too close or looks a liiittle too long and hes like ? You could back up a little bit!

he mostly keeps it to himself since fossey isn't and has never been the type to pursue or flirt with others even in a playful context, so when he Does get jealous its usually directed at the other party. i think early on he mightve gone to fossey about it first and when they got confused [because they didnt think the other person saw them that way + were absolutely NOT trying to go for them] he realized it didnt make much sense and didnt really bring it up like that again. not much reason to blame fossey for how others feel when they arent the one Inviting those feelings, yknow? at most he might be like "damn that guy would Not leave you alone" but even then it happens quite rarely, so its not something they really have to address more than like. once or twice a year. that said i Do think he might get a little more clingy without really noticing it... hugging a little more tightly or casually throwing an arm around their shoulders a little longer than usual.

💀- If the canon character is canonically dead, how did your OC handle their death? (Or did you completely omit their death cause fuck canon?)

this one is interesting, not just because of the game mechanics but also because of his canon [albeit temporary] comic death. when considering respawn compatibility + mechanics and the nature of the game, i think fossey is desensitized enough to how much violence occurs around these guys on a daily basis that the concept of sniper being hurt in this way doesnt really faze him any more than it does miss pauling or any other merc. like he knows he'll be back. its fine. though i do think in the back of his mind he sometimes worries that one day sniper might come back and not remember/not love/not care for him anymore, although this has yet to happen, and if scout's persistence with trying to court miss pauling is any proof, it likely never will.

his comic death, however, is a different story, primarily because it left him with some pretty permanent scars. fossey freaked out so fucking bad when they found out what happened [since they werent present for it] and they just like. almost couldnt really believe it? the desensitization to his death in the context of the gravel war + respawn machine and how it functions made them less cognizant of the idea that Hey he could still die for real one day. and that realization shook them pretty badly... if they were actually present for it i think they would genuinely be inconsolable for a while. but LUCKILY hes back 👍 insert i cant help myself "all clean!" image here

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I relate to that anon who misses your Jimin posts. I always wondered why you wrote more about non-rapline members than the rapline who you biased. Esp JM, JK, V, and sometimes Jin. But now that Jimin is your bias I notice you posting more about Taekook than Jimin so now we’re Jimin deprived 😭

It sucks cos I like how you write about him. I’ve been going back to your posts about Face and even your posts from before his releases Face. You were one of the first bloggers who said Jimin’s music was the one you were most looking forward to. When other people doubted him you shut that shit down with “he’s Park Jimin for goodness sake”. Is there anything you can add about his music making process though BPP? Anything at all? Maybe some screenshots like you just did for Minimoni? Thank you.

***

Sigh. Y'all...

Okay, I'm going to use a lifeline and 'phone a friend'. We'll call her N.

She's the friend I've talked about before. Below is the result of a conversation I had with N before BTS's chapter 2 began. Consider it an abridged summary of why we were looking forward to Jimin's solo work the most, as well as what we think about his creative process. I'll tie it back to FACE at the end...

--

Jimin writes the dopest melodies.

Dis-ease bridge (I still can’t believe he came up with this in less than 5 minutes)

Blood, Sweat and Tears

Friends

Christmas Love

Promise

The first time I heard Dis-ease, before I even knew Hobi wrote most of it, I just knew it was a Hoseok song from the disk-scratches and very retro old-school hiphop vibe. And so I expected it to flow a certain way, and it did. Until it got to the bridge. Dis-ease could have been a very different song and you really see this if you listen to the version with JK’s bridge which keeps a somewhat faster tempo and lower notes.

Jimin’s bridge, quite literally, elevates the whole song - it starts in a completely different octave. If you’re actually singing this song, like singing out loud, when you get to the bridge you’re forced to belt out “SICK AND TIRREEEDDDD” and “THROUGH THE FIREEEEE”, up high, real loud, with heart and feeling. The melody Jimin composed in 5 minutes is simultaneously soulful and energetic.

This is the same with other melodies he has composed such as Friends and Blood, Sweat and Tears, and others.

Jimin writes some pretty dope melodies that make me want to sing out loud.

He seems to write plain but beautiful and honest lyrics

Jimin has said writing lyrics doesn’t come easy for him and I think this is because he writes the way he speaks.

Even Namjoon who we all know writes incredibly beautiful lyrics has said this too, but I think Jimin might want or aim to write more artistically like Namjoon, but (I think) he writes lyrics the way he speaks, which is plainly and directly but carefully and very honestly. He sparingly uses metaphors unlike Tae and RM who can wonder about snow and flowers individually or uses colors like Blue and Grey to convey struggling with burn out or how the world pauses at 0 O’clock.

When people write songs the hope is to convey certain ideas or emotions. If those things are very personal, heavy or dark, songwriters often use metaphors or analogies in their lyrics to communicate them. This way, the songwriter’s personal feelings are somewhat obscured and protected by artistic interpretations. If you write literally however, there’s nowhere to hide. Everyone knows exactly what you’re thinking and I think this is why Jimin struggles with lyrics.

Jimin writes very literally and this personally appeals to me a lot. Take for instance, how Jimin wrote Lie:

“순결했던 날 찾아줘 Please find me who was innocent

이 거짓 속에 헤어날 수 없어 I can’t free myself from these lies

내 웃음을 돌려놔줘 Please bring back my smile

Caught in a lie

이 지옥에서 날 꺼내줘 Please take me out of this hell

이 고통에서 헤어날 수 없어 I can’t free myself from this pain”

(translation credit: Doolset)

There’s nothing metaphorical about this. He’s literally going through hell and he tells you that very plainly as much. The only way to maintain some ambiguity in the whole song is to never mention what the Lie actually is. And so he never does.

*

Jimin seems to write more songs than we think. For example, when talking about how Friends came to be, he mentioned he was working on 3 songs which he casually showed to Bang PD just for kicks while they were touring three years ago. Two of those songs were mostly finished and the most incomplete song was the third one which PD liked most and worked with Jimin to complete, and that song became Friends - track 15 on the Map of The Soul 7 album.

For their BE album Jimin mentioned how he wrote three new songs for the title track but they weren’t selected. So, Jimin has likely just got these songs sitting somewhere, much like how Yoongi was sitting on Telepathy for years before releasing it with BE.

Whether we’ll ever hear these songs is another story, but if he ever does release them I’m sure I’ll be singing my heart out alongside him.

--

Of course, since Jimin released FACE, you can judge for yourself how many of these points hold up. It's especially striking for me how Jimin wrote the lyrics in Alone, Set Me Free Pt 2, and Face-off mostly literally. For anyone who hasn't read it yet, here's some selected posts on FACE.

[milkweedman]

hi, sorry if this is something you've answered before, but how did you get started with spinning? and do you have an reccs for beginners? i'm not a fiber arts person (yet) but i think the skills are mind-blowingly cool. i have a few friends that are into crochet also and while i don't do so i think it would be nice to be able to make them yarn etc :)! thank u <3

Hi ! I got started with spinning about 5 years ago now--I ordered a turkish spindle and some andean highland wool from knitpicks, tried it out, and really sucked.

Like. really sucked. couldn't even make bad yarn bc it just kept falling apart (due to undertwisting ! if your yarn is falling apart in your hands, it's undertwisted. there, i just saved you about a month of misery, if you're me lol). Put it away for a while, tried again, was still bad at it, rinse and repeat for about a year. eventually something clicked and i started being able to make more than like, an armspan of yarn before it became disastrous.

not saying it's that hard for everyone (i've watched some people pick it up in like... 5 minutes), or that it'll be that hard for you ! that's just how it went with me.

I do have some recs for beginners which will hopefully help ! (i didn't have this community on tumblr at the time, and didn't know there were forums on ravelry, so i had no community help or knowledge, which did not work in my favor).

Get a basic drop spindle with a hook on the end, if you can. Drop spindles come in many different forms, but the two main categories are top whorl and bottom whorl (meaning, where the circular whorl is placed on the shaft of the spindle). top whorl spindles spin faster but for a shorter period of time and can be more unbalanced. bottom whorl spindles spin slower but for longer, and are typically more balanced (physics, idk). everyone has their own preferences--i tend to recommend bottom whorl spindles to beginners because it kind of slows the process down, which can be helpful. if you've got a little extra money, buying a top whorl and a bottom whorl spindle could be a good idea. they're pretty cheap on etsy, esp if you get a very plain and simple one and just decorate it yourself.

spindle weight matters a lot. the heavier the spindle, the thicker the resulting singles will be. (singles are what you spin first, then you ply them together if desired). the lighter the spindle, the thinner the singles. this means if you get a very heavy spindle and try to spin something fine on it, it'll likely snap under the weight. and if you try to spin something thick on a light spindle, you'll be constantly flicking it and not adding very much twist (so it may just fall apart into sad fluff). my favorite all-purpose spindle for yarns that won't be particularly thin weighs about 2 ounces (55 grams). that will be too heavy for fine yarns, but works well for making like, worsted weight 2 ply. i would recommend a spindle somewhere in the 1-2 ounce range (30-55 grams) for a basic beginner spindle. once you get the hang of it feel free to go for the very light spindles or the heavier plying spindles.

don't buy roving for your first fiber. almost everyone does that, and many people end up with really low quality (and sometimes even compressed or partially felted) roving. roving can be great for spinning once you know what you're doing, but it's kind of... uniquely unsuited for beginners, in my opinion anyway. firstly because it is the most common preparation, it's not really treated with care by many companies when it comes to storage (hence the compression or felting). secondly, it's really easy to felt it in your hands when you're doing the beginner sweaty-hands-deathgrip-drafting-with-all-your-might thing (i'll get to that later). thirdly, again because it's the most common prep, there's a thriving market of garbage shitty roving, and it takes a little experience telling the difference between decent stuff and garbage stuff based on an internet page. I would highly recommend spending a little bit more money on a batt. this is like a large pillow of carded wool, which you pull strips off of to spin. they are sold in a far less-compressed state (which makes for easier spinning) and are, as far as im aware, made by humans with experience, rather than machines.

the breed matters a lot when it comes to spinning. some breeds have finer, more slippery wool, and some have grabby wool. grabby wool is better for learning (it means less of your yarn just slipping apart and breaking). some good beginner breeds are shetland, corriedale, jacob, romney, or other similar wools. the fiber market is inundated with merino (either a great thing or a source of misery, depending on who you ask), which is not a particularly good beginner breed (it's definitely on the slippery, finer side).

once you've got all your materials, it's spinning time ! find a youtube tutorial or a written tutorial (check your library for books on spinning. i have no recommendations--i did not learn from books). you could also check and see if there's a spinner's guild in your area. it depends on the guild (some are kind of, uh... snooty, for lack of a better word ? most seem pretty friendly and happy to help newcomers) but you might be able to show up to a meeting and get some help. ideally get some practice with the spindle first though.

lastly, some tips for spinning. A) keep the fiber supply held loosely in your hand, or better yet, draped over your hand so that the fiber you're drafting is only held in your fingertips. if you hold it tightly you won't be able to draft evenly. you may also compress and/or felt it by holding it, especially if your hands are sweaty. B) try spinning using the 'park and draft' method while you are learning. this is where you add a bunch of extra twist to the already-spun yarn (or leader, for the first length), pinch the twist to hold it in place, and draft fiber, allowing the twist to travel up the wool as you draft it. this is a good technique for learning because it isolates the actions of spinning, letting you focus on one part at a time. trying to keep the spindle going while drafting when you're brand new is not easy, and can lead to a lot of frustration and mistakes. once you've got the hang of drafting, then it's a great time to figure out how to do it all at once. C) work slowly and thoughtfully while you learn. what you're doing at first is twofold: you're figuring out the process and what works and what doesn't, but you're also building muscle memory, which is what spinners (really, pretty much everyone who practices hand crafts or hand work of any kind) rely on. i can get high af and zone out and spin and end up with a usable (sometimes even pretty good) yarn, because even when my brain isn't working, my hands know what to do. this is not the case for someone without the muscle memory. pay attention, step away if you get frustrated, and work slowly. as you build muscle memory, it will become easier and easier. D) your first yarns don't have to be good. they don't even really have to be yarn, as such--if you ended up with something thats rope at one end and thread at another, that's ok ! you're learning ! the purpose of your first yarns is just to teach you how to spin. if they look like shit, it's ok. (mine looked awful, for the record ! i don't think i've seen anything quite as bad as my very first yarn, actually. wish i'd kept it though xD)

hope this was helpful ! there's also this post about how to tell if your yarn is under or over twisted, which might be of use, and this post about finishing your yarn as well. and if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask me or another spinner (the overwhelming majority of us are very happy to help a new spinner) for advice or help !

[j0elmill3r]

Im not sure if you got my earlier ask because tumblr said I can't send in links anymore in anonymous asks (which sucks because why did they remove that feature???) but the link was basically referring to your earlier post regarding your latest fic,

I think joel would react pretty cold and distant when he initially finds out what sarah named her, he'd probably see her as his baby girl because of just how much she reminds him of his own daughter that he lost :( and sarah eventually speaks up about it which is probably part of her and joels falling out, they probably got into a huge argument which was a huge wake up call to them both that they've actually lost baby girl so theres no like turning back :(

(sorry if my previous ask did send in after all, keep up the good work, i rlly love ur works esp the baby miller series !!!)

YES!!! I love this so much!!

So Sarah obviously just wants to keep your memory alive, and what better way to do it than giving her daughter your name.

She definitely thought Joel would appreciate the gesture - but it's so far from the truth - That's his baby girl's name, no one else's.

He doesn't have the heart to say anything because Sarah's so excited, so he just tries to distance himself at first because it still hurts too much to think of you - especially since he sees so much of you in Sarah's daughter, especially as she gets a bit older.

Sarah notices how distant Joel's getting and it makes her upset because she still needs her dad, especially as a first-time parent.

And then when she brings it up, Joel doesn't appreciate it, which results in a screaming match between the two, ending with both of them in tears as they came to realise that you were actually gone.

They both knew that you were gone, but they hadn't accepted that you were gone, especially Joel - He hadn't been able to properly mourn your death in the years since it had happened.

Sarah carried more guilt with her - in the couple years following the outbreak she often wished it had been her instead of you, she would have had a better chance of survival than you ever did - You were so small, and remembering your painful death always made her hold her daughter that little bit tighter.

So Joel and Sarah aren't on speaking terms for a while. That is until Sarah's daughter's first birthday, when Sarah, having done a lot of soul-searching, decided to let bygones be bygones.

She had told Joel the exact same thing she had been telling herself recently -That no matter how much mourning they did, or denial held over your death would bring you back, that you were gone and there was nothing they could do to get you back to them.