#bc. I will be having a conversation w a stranger and just start wretching heaving etc
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ED tw in da tags i just need 2 vent
#ive been. strugglin w food again. not even in an ED way like. I Want to eat#but my appetite n nausea has just been getting worse and worse I like Cannot eat enough#I have to force like half a meal down and then be too uncomfortably full to eat again the rest of the day. sometimes it’s painful too#which will result in me intentionally eating less in the hopes of being able to eat later#like if I have a special dinner or smth coming up I’ll skip lunch and then still only manage a few bites at dinner#so I never know what or how much food to get. I don’t wanna waste a lot but if I Can eat I wanna take advantage#part of it too is this is the most independently I’ve ever sought out my own food#like it’s my first time not living at home Or having a meal plan. so money is a factor in a way it never has been#which I could handle if I felt like I could freaking eat what I buy! or if I didn’t need Specific ass foods if I wanna get anything down!#eventually I end up ravenous and get like a $20 meal and then can’t justify buying more later#but I can’t eat even the tiny snacks in my dorm sometimes. esp in the morning#idk if part of it is also just my body struggling to get used to an all new food routine. a lot changed at once and I have no consistency#but I should be able to eat at least close to what I’m usually able to eat right? I’m not like Starving or binging?#dude and the freaking nausea is worse w each passing day. actually lemme just:#emetophobia tw#bc. I will be having a conversation w a stranger and just start wretching heaving etc#not actually ******** ** but having to actively try not to for the first time in years#like every day. it’s worse when I’m nervous or doing smth active but it’s constant and debilitating and embarrassing#bc everyone keeps having to be like oh my god are u good? and idk what to tell them!! idk what’s going on!!#I’ve just started saying I have chronic nausea bc I clearly do. idk exactly from what. dyspraxia? former ED? Smth I don’t know I have?#I take nausea meds but it only helps for a few minutes. I need 2 tell a doctor abt it but don’t have my insurance card yet#idk why I’m saying all this here I don’t rly want ppl’s dumb speculations or recommendations. I just like dunno what to do#it’s hard enough as is to eat as a dyspraxic person. my choices are limited#i pretty much have Disordered Eating again despite not rly having like. an ED anymore. mentally#I’m sure not having enough food intake is affecting other health issues and I’m eating as much as i can but at what cost (the nausea)#mine#personal#txt#eating disorder tw
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