#(don’t hate me)

[bukzoo333]

okay i’m gonna try to word it correctly. here’s some of the reasons i think would interfere

1- internalized homophobia

i’m kinda on the fence on wether or not dean has internalized homophobia or not. since he doesn’t seem to have any problem with any lgbtq+ character throughout the show, he might not. but knowing he was raised by a marine from kansas makes me think good ‘ol johnny boy wasn’t very accepting. and based on the fact that dean wanted his father’s approval and praise more than anything, it’s not unlikely that dean has internalized homophobia.

maybe he only targets it toward himself and doesn’t reflect it on others, but i wouldn’t be surprised if he wasn’t able to get with cas because of the issues that come from john being a dick.

2- self worth

this goes for both of them. neither of them would believe that they deserve each other, or deserve to be that happy. cas has a problem of never thinking he’s good enough. he’s constantly saying how much he failed dean in particular, and this would cause an issue. even if they did get together, this would be a huge problem in their relationship. it would get tiring trying to convince your significant other that they are good enough, and that you want them.

dean hates himself. it’s unfortunately extremely obvious. he doesn’t believe he’s worth it. he doesn’t think he’s worthy or good enough. he thinks he’s a horrible human being and can only see himself that way. one of the first things cas tells him is that good things can still happen to him even though he just spent ten years torturing souls. but dean’s self hate tramples that.

even after the confession, i don’t think dean’s image of himself would change all that much. especially since cas hasn’t been exactly subtle about his admiration for dean.

i don’t think either of them would think it’s something they both can have.

3- fear

after the confession, if cas came back, how terrified do you think they’d both be to actually have what they want?

trauma runs very deep in this show. and to have cas confess his love, causing him to die, i feel like both of them would be too afraid to try anything like that again.

as ridiculous as it might seem, it wouldn’t be a surprise if they were both too scared to lose each other to do anything. love would be associated with cas being taken by the empty. and since that was supposed to be a permanent thing, i personally don’t think they’d risk it.

4- anger and trust

i know for a fact dean would be pissed at cas. who wouldn’t be? it’s kind of a low thing. confessing your love knowing you don’t have to deal with the aftermath because you’re going to literally die.

dean was left sitting in that stupid room with his head in his hands. a sledge hammer has just been taken to his already crumbling world, and he has to deal with that. the shock, grief, and the realizations… it would be unbearable. sure he’d cover it up with a dog, hunting, and more alcohol, but that pain never goes away. not after that. he’s always going to feel some sort of resentment towards cas. and i don’t know if just having cas back would be enough for him to get over it. not to mention everything they’ve done to each other.

betrayal after betrayal. sure, they know they’re loyal to each other, but i don’t know if they truly 100% trust each other. personally, i don’t think they do. i don’t think they could. there would always be a sense of distrust.

i don’t know if any of those reasons actually make sense to anyone else, but that’s what i think.

believe me, i still love them together. they’re kind of pathetic losers about how much they love each other. it’s impossible not to see that. it’s just the matter of their characters and unresolved issues. i would still totally love it if they did a s16 and they did get together because HELLO I LOVE THEM THANKS BYE

ok so the thing about dean and cas…

i honestly think that if they came back with a s16 and dean and cas were reunited, they wouldn’t get together. i believe they’d be closer friends than they’ve ever been, but i truly think it’s unlikely they’d actually get together.

we know canonically that cas is in love with dean, and it’s quite obvious dean is in love with cas. that’s something i don’t need convincing of. absolutely not. i’m not blind.

but here’s the thing. i can’t really see an option for them to be together because all of their collective issues just get in the way. there’s so many things both of them would need to work on and fix before they could be in a semi-functional relationship. i just don’t see it happening.

now that doesn’t mean i’m not delusional and want it to happen because HELLO THEY ARE PATHETICALLY IN LOVE AND DESERVE TO HAVE THAT THANK YOU VERY MUCH

[thatcrazymind]

Imagine MCU X-MEN and Thanos snap in Cherik universe

Aaaand I bet Charles is the one who’s getting dusted

[chamomiletealeaf]

Help

[stararch4ngelqueen]

domestic jason hcs? >:)

(this ask feels self-indulgent but i was VERY inspired by this one buff dude i saw on insta reels baking in a not-so-sexual way but like women in the comments are down bad and i cant really describe it im so sorry 😭)

imagine waking up to jason baking something (doesnt have to be anything could just be bread). you wanna help but the only instructions he gives you is to sit pretty, wearing his shirt and all. everytime he moves around the kitchen, he give u a lil peck on the lips if hes close enough to you. youre just sitting pretty like he asked, watching this man work and looking a little love struck cuz all you wanna do is pull him down and give him the fattest kiss for being so husband material

(dude, im yearning so much. thank u for writing a lot for jason 💞 ALSO ive seen u around in the cod tag so another thanks for ur fics there too 💞)

I’m sticking with the prompt cause I had unholy thoughts. An thank you! I appreciate your appreciation for my works ✨

This may be the tiniest bit suggestive 🌝

Time Written - 5:51 a.m

Baking at an early hour was somewhat new for Jason.

Baking at an early hour after an intense ending to an incredible date night was incredibly new for Jason.

His hands were occupied with an intriguing scene of soft dough and hard, rich yellow butter on a marble countertop. His muscles at work folding in the pockets of butter into the dough, pressing it with the heels of his palms.

“Morning, mama.” His morning voice held that early rasp in his tone that tickled you just right. You reciprocated his greeting as you walk into the kitchen, dressed in one of his shirts he aggressively yanked off the night before.

There he stood in grey sweatpants. Baking something delectable for seemingly no reason.

“What’s the occasion?” You question as you approach the counter, admiring his bed rugged hair adding onto his every attractive appearance.

“Cloudy outside, which means baking time.”

“Baking time?” The slightest glance at your cheeky little grin made him amusingly scoff.

“Baked goods,” he clarified with a head gesture behind him. “Coffee’s ready for ya, babe.”

Soon, the kitchen will flood with the warm aroma of browning butter and cooking sugar, invading throughout your home for a very long evening. Neighbors will get jealous over the smell of bakery air, hopefully helping them ignore the noises prior to the other night.

It was quite a sight to watch, his muscles flexing with a focused flare along his brow. You almost didn’t hear his insistence the second time towards the cinnamon coffee waiting in the pot for you.

“Gonna stick around? You’ll get first glance at what I’m making.”

“Which is?” You pry, watching him approach the sink to wash his hands.

“Crossiants,” he admits after drying his hands, giving the tip of your nose a peck. “With chocolate.”

“Look at you, my man’s a baker.” You smile while leaning against the counter, feeling your heart throb romantically from his chaste kisses.

“Not what you expected, huh?”

“What, my Red Hood busting skulls and baking? So many single moms would chase after you if they could.”

That comment has him unexpectedly laugh. Not the worst thing he’s been told, so he’ll take it. Poor single mothers, too bad he’s already taken.

“I thought you meant the chocolate would be inside?” You ask after peeking at the dough he wrapped up in cling wrap.

“No,” He shakes his head. “See, I thought that, but I like the idea of dipping them into melted chocolate a whole lot better.”

“Where’d you get the inspiration?”

“France,” he amusingly huffs with a shrug after approaching to take the packet you handed to him. “Thanks baby. Where else?”

He slips the packet of buttered dough into the fridge before turning towards the stove, almost running into you as you beat him to it, peering into a saucepan full of melted chocolate.

“Hey, hey.” Cool, clean hands gently grasped hold of your shoulders, gently nudging you away from his little workspace. “Easy on those eyes, almost knocked you into an accident.”

“Need some help with anything?” You offer, reminding him of when he used to ask his mother the same question. Happy little memories that brought embers of warmth in his heart.

“You can be of huge help,” He begins, calloused hands grazing down along your fingerprint shaped bruised hips before hoisting you up in his arms like a little doll.

“By sitting pretty, an’ letting me work.”

He plops you down on a stool he pulled out from the island counter, giving you a perfect little spot to watch him work. You slouch after he turns away, watching him return to his little objective on the stove.

“You just melt chocolate in the pan like that?”

“Sorta,” Jason tilts his head after grabbing a spoon, stirring the smooth, ganache-like chocolate concoction around. “France’s version of hot chocolate. Some milk, cream, a little sugar.”

You hum as a response, watching the muscles along the back of his left shoulder move as he enacts upon such a simple, minor task. Jason probably said something else, along the lines of not wanting such a beautiful body of chocolate boil on the stove, but it wasn’t much of your concern as it was his.

Maybe your main concern was how exactly did the scratches you left along his back didn’t break skin, clinging onto him for dear life as they flexed along your greedy palms.

He probably knew that, he was hiding a smile for all you could tell if you paid any attention.

“My girl want a taste?” He offers, his real gaze snapping your mind back into reality. You nod, anxiously sitting up in your seat.

He spoons warm, melted chocolate on the top of your tongue, watching it dribble down your bottom lip. The pink of your little tongue swiped up the remnants, all for Jason’s adoring gaze to witness.

Your reaction varies upon the subtle lack of sweetness from the chocolate.

“It’s not that sweet. Is it dark—?”

Your words are stolen when he kisses you, cradling your face within his two warm hands after carelessly setting down the spoon.

His heavy lidded gaze meets yours after breaking off the kiss, his cheeks flushed with affectionate warmth.

“Don’t know,” his glistening lips curve upwards after licking his lips. “Tastes pretty sweet to me.”

He turns away, as if he hadn’t committed such a crime in the first place.

You’re left watching once again, anxious nerves preventing you from sitting still. Fidgety fingers lingering in your lap, grasping along the lower hem of your shirt.

“Also coffee,” Jason pitches as if he forgot. “Added a little espresso to enhance the taste. You, uh… never got your coffee, babe.”

Oh. Right. The first thing he told you when you came in.

“Sorry,” you sheepishly admit, slightly shifting your hips whilst on the stool. “Got a little distracted.”

He chuckles, not even needing a detective’s mindset to understand fully why. “Did you now?”

Not giving you a chance to answer, Jason sets the saucepan off the burner before turning full attention towards you. Swooping you off the stool you sat, hoisting you ontop of a warm, clean counter.

His torso pressed against yours, keeping you comfortably confined between a marble surface and a hard place. His hands caress along your torso, thumbs trickling over your stiff nipples through your shirt, still sore from his teeth marks.

“Took you long enough,” he grumbles against the shell of your ear. His lips press against your neck as you swallow, kissing down along your collarbone. “Figured you’d have stayed sleeping in ‘till I was done here. Guessin’ last night wasn’t enough for you?”

“Your fault for putting on a show.” You whisper, hooking your legs the best you could around his broad waist.

He chuckles against your neck, his excitement as palpable as his pearly smile expressed. “Your fault for watchin’, mama.”

[kiss-me-muchoo]

𝙍𝙚𝙟𝙚𝙘𝙩 𝙢𝙚, 𝙄 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙞𝙩 - 𝙅𝙤𝙚𝙡 𝙈𝙞𝙡𝙡𝙚𝙧 𝙭 𝙁𝙚𝙢!𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧 (1/?)

𝙎𝙪𝙢𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙮• 𝙄𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙝𝙖𝙤𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙣𝙚𝙬 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙅𝙤𝙚𝙡 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙀𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙚, 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙧𝙚𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙗𝙚𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙖 𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙖𝙮. 𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙘𝙖𝙣'𝙩 𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙥 𝙞𝙩, 𝙗𝙪𝙩 𝙅𝙤𝙚𝙡 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙞𝙩 𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙘𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙞𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣, (𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙠𝙚𝙨 𝙞𝙩 𝙘𝙡𝙚𝙖𝙧 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙮). 𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨• 𝘼𝙂𝙀 𝙂𝘼𝙋 (𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙮-𝙢𝙞𝙙 20'𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙅𝙤𝙚𝙡, 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙡, 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬...), 𝙞𝙢𝙥𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙙 𝙨𝙢𝙪𝙩 18+, 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙜𝙣𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙮 𝙢𝙚𝙣𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨, 𝘼𝙉𝙂𝙎𝙏, 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙞𝙨 𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙝𝙪𝙧𝙩, 𝙚𝙙𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙤𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙙𝙨 𝙙𝙖𝙧𝙠 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙚𝙣𝙙, 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙝, 𝙗𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙙, 𝙤𝙝 𝙮𝙚𝙖𝙝... 𝙥𝙖𝙣𝙞𝙘 𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙖𝙘𝙠, 𝙞 𝙬𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙩𝙖𝙜 𝙨𝙪𝙞𝙘𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙗𝙚 𝙞𝙩'𝙨 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙨𝙪𝙞𝙘𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙬𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙙𝙤𝙚𝙨 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚, 𝙖𝙣𝙚𝙢𝙞𝙘 & 𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙝𝙢𝙖𝙩𝙞𝙘 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙚𝙧 (𝙄 𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙚 𝙗𝙤𝙩𝙝 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨), 𝙞𝙣𝙣𝙚𝙧 𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙤𝙡𝙤𝙜𝙪𝙚. 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣... 𝘼𝙉𝙂𝙎𝙏. (𝙏𝙃𝙄𝙎 𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙢𝙖𝙙𝙚 𝙢𝙚 𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨,). 𝘼𝙄𝙉• 𝙄 𝙘𝙖𝙣'𝙩 𝙗𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙚𝙫𝙚 𝙞𝙩. 𝙄 𝙛𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙞𝙣 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙋𝙚𝙙𝙧𝙤 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠 𝙞𝙣 𝙅𝙖𝙣𝙪𝙖𝙧𝙮 𝙤𝙛 2021 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣 17, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙄'𝙢 𝙩𝙬𝙞𝙘𝙚 𝙞𝙣 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙝𝙞𝙢, 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 1 𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙝 1/2 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙮 𝙩𝙤 𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣 19. 1 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙥𝙤𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙋𝙚𝙙𝙧𝙤 bc 𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙖 𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙤𝙧, 𝙄 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙬𝙧𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙤𝙛𝙛𝙞𝙘𝙞𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙮 𝙞𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙖𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙄 𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙣𝙚𝙙 18, 𝙨𝙤 𝙣𝙤𝙬... 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙨𝙩𝙤𝙥 𝙢𝙚. (𝘼 𝙡𝙤𝙩 𝙞𝙨 𝙘𝙤𝙢𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙈𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙖𝙡𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙖𝙣 𝙨3 𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙨 𝙤𝙢𝙜) 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩'𝙨 𝙬𝙝𝙮 𝙄'𝙢 𝙩𝙖𝙜𝙜𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙤𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙖𝙡𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙖𝙣 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙛𝙛,

this is now a series read HERE

✰ 𝙄𝙉𝘿𝙀𝙓 (𝙈𝙖𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙧𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚)

♪ ♫ 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙨𝙩 𝙥𝙡𝙖𝙮𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙋𝙚𝙙𝙧𝙤 𝙃𝙀𝙍𝙀

As the sun starts peeking through the dusty curtain in the room, you open your eyes. It’s too early, the sunlight looking more reddish rather than yellow. He’s behind you, arms protectively holding your stomach with his warm touch. You can feel him inside you, because he’s still there. It was extremely risky being in that position at the moment, staying in an abandoned hotel to rest the day before. With a teenager on the couch of the living room and high probabilities of having to get away running from there. However, Joel and you decide not to worry about that and have a passionate night.

“Hey…” his raspy voice startles you. You woke him up when you started squirming, trying to stretch yourself and make your bones crack a little. “Morning, handsome”

“Not old man anymore, huh?” your giggles make him smile. It was almost impossible to make Joel smile when you met him a year and a half ago. Not that you tried to do so, but he rarely smiled. And now, you were able to make his muscles form a smile almost every day. “Nah, you demonstrated and proved me wrong very well last night.”

“I had a good night somehow. But I have to say you were very reckless, you had to wake me up to keep a watch” there’s your old man again. Sometimes, moments like that reminded you of the big age gap between you two. “I know…, sorry. I fell asleep before I could even think about it. Sorry again…”

“It’s not okay, but okay, darlin’…” he doesn’t like when you do things like that; forgetting about something important, and changing plans at the last minute, among other things. But he hates scolding you. He knows you’re a woman who can take of herself. And is very smart. Yet, he was extremely protective of you. Especially after the state you were in when he met you.

“We need to keep searching the whole building before the evening. Let’s start moving on…” you were right. But all Joel can focus on is your naked back facing him. You giggle again, looking at something with your face down. “What?…”

“This is so weird, It’s all leaking out…” he knows what you mean, but he can’t blush anymore, because it’s not something to be blushed about. “Can I tell you something?”

“Uh-huh…” you turn to see him blinking a couple of times, before seating in the bed to stretch too. Even though he is a grown man, work and the “missions” he always ended up in, made him slightly muscular, and you always complimented that on him, no matter how often he would state he was old, deaf and tired. “I…, I-uh, I’ve come to accept that… I want to have a baby one day”

“What?” the tone of his voice sounds very confused, even hostile. Immediately you got nervous and anxious as usual. It was a dangerous subject, he had a lot of traumas related to that, and so you did. But you thought you could move on and start a new family, you believed in possibilities. Even when you lived on a world that ended a long time ago “I know it’s sudden and stupid. But.. I-, if everything goes right, we could have a life again.”

“To get there, there’s a lot to come. It could take some years or decades. And you know it…” you say as you put on your underwear and you can’t help but sigh. “Ellie could be the solution. We could build a home, harvest, and settle down, Joel. We can’t live our lives in misery for our pasts forever”

“And how do you plan to do that, huh? because you are suggesting of making it real now. So what? you get pregnant, and we continue the journey to deliver the girl until you get insanely huge and we can’t keep going. What if you end up delivering on the road? What if you get sick? What if you get infected? I think we have enough for now” the way he spits the words, it makes it sound so wrong. Like all you ever wanted since you were left alone was stupid, even disgusting. “You make it sound like it’s repulsive, Joel”

“It is repulsive to be thinkin’ about having a kid these days” after all you were a mature adult who understood. It was insane, but not repulsive, though. He had his right to avoid the subject, but he didn’t have to be so harsh about it. “Even in the future. What the fuck is going to be a life for a kid in a shit like it is and will always be this world?”

“Why you can’t let yourself be happy? You don’t even try it and you already make me happy enough to think about a safe future. Is it because of your daughter?” he points at you with tense shoulders and jaw, looking at your figure now fully clothed in cargo pants and long sleeve top. “Don’t…”

“Yes, I do. You suffered, I know it was your birthday, you had to be in the outbreak day and suffered. But I also suffered, I grew up in this disaster with a family. I had everything once!” some tears swell in your eyes, but you force yourself to keep whispering, backing up the tears. Hoping you don’t wake the girl outside the room yet. “You lost your family twenty years ago. I lost mine sixteen months ago. I thought we could survive this together…” he shuts his eyes, blocking the memory of the day he lost his Sarah. He accepts he’s being mean, but you hit the wrong one of his nerves. “You could stop being a depressed old man and be happy again”

“And you could stop being a delusional child who dreams of things that can’t happen! Just accept this is your life, y/n.” you glance directly at him, rage invades your chest, and you just want to leave him all alone. “There’s nothing you can do to change our pasts. We’re not even together, we have cargo to deliver. So no, I would never have a family with you!”

The world stops, and your heartbeats decrease. Suddenly you find yourself scared to have an anemic breakdown and faint because of it. But when the pitch in your ears stops, a ringing replaces it, securing your health for the moment. He knows he crossed the line. While he was completely confident about not wanting kids ever again, it wasn’t personal towards you. He had grown fond of you. Tess made Joel promise her that he would keep you safe. “Y/n…”

“No, just forget about this, I’m sorry for bringing it up. Forget everything…” when you remark everything, you try to tell him that you won’t sleep with him again, you won’t try to cherish him, you’re just on the same path for Ellie and the reward. Not for some emotional connection, or because you were in love with him.

Joel looks hesitant at you, but just as your eyes collide with him, he turns away from you, sliding into his old boxers and dressing. You hear Ellie moving around, and you worry, so you get out of the room. That’s when you see the girl looking through the window, so you can slam the door of the bedroom, confirming how angry you were.

“Are you ready?” the girl nods turning to you. You can’t tell if she heard you and Joel, but if she did, she was very good at pretending. “Where the fuck is my backpack?”

“Under the blanket. I put it there” you spot the gray blanket, there was your backpack. You were too tired to drag it inside the room the night before. “Thanks”

“I wish I could give you something to eat. We’ll find something on the way, m‘kay?” Ellie nods again. She feels more comfortable with you, not that she hated Joel, but the man was extremely closed-minded and a little bitter to her. “It’s okay. You feed us really well yesterday”

“Hope we can find the goddamn supplies and leave as soon as possible” Joel came out of the room, with his face serious and piercing as usual. He barely glanced at Ellie before landing his eyes on you, while you were putting your jacket and backpack on. You won’t give him a single look, not when you’re feeling hurt. For the moment, you didn’t even want to exist. You felt like you were taking time, a lot of time. If the three of you were in that abandoned hotel, was for you. Because you needed your inhalators and iron supplies.

“We have to get going…” was the only thing Joel said. Ellie waited at the door and you ignored him as you exited the room. With a gun and flashlight in both hands, you start leading the way.

“Where is the lounge aisle?” Ellie asked when you reached the end of the hallway. Before you could open the wide door that would lead to the stairs, Joel stopped you, putting his whole arm over your chest, obstructing your hands in the way. “It’s not safe…”

“The lounge must be at the top. Or close to it” you preferred to answer the girl instead of looking at Joel. Something was itching your calf, but given the kind of days you lived daily, you didn’t have time to check it, you had to keep going.

“We’re on the fifth floor. The lounge is on the…twelve” announced Joel coming back from the stairs. “It’s dangerous, we would make a lot of noise. I’ll go, you two stay in the room”

“What? No, we can’t split, no, I refuse” Ellie protested, silently, you agreed with her. “This is not a decision for you to make”

“Listen, bitter old man, you agree-…” before the girl can’t go on, you shush her. “Enough. It’s all of us going or no one”

Joel didn’t want to keep arguing with you, even less with Ellie being present. He regretted most of the things he said to you. In the end, you were right, he made his own life miserable for the terrors of his past. He had the opportunity to change that now, and he was rejecting it.

The way upstairs is quiet, even uncomfortable. You can feel Joel’s eyes on you, always trying to protect you. Opening the doors to check for any danger before you can, turning back to see if you’re not having an asthma attack, or close to fainting. And you can’t hate him, but you were truly hurt.

“It’s here” you whisper, pointing at the elegant sign of Lounge in front of you. It must have been a luxurious hotel, and it made you sad to see it frozen in time. Carefully, you open the door with the gun in your other hand. Ready to fight whatever is waiting for you on the other side, but it’s empty. “And it’s clear…”

Rumors said that the oldest hotel in downtown was left in 2017 with medicines, vitamins, and more as a storage for FEDRA. Because the quarantine zone was too eager and desperate, and it would have been chaos for everyone if the supplies were there. Joel was too kind to make some deals and bribes until he knew that it wasn’t in custody, five soldiers going there once in a month, but that was it.

“Why are we here?” Ellie asked looking expectantly. You sighed, knowing that Joel was looking at you, he knew the answer but he wouldn’t tell Ellie leaving you to explain the girl. “I need some medicines….”

“Why? You don’t look sick” again, you sighed. There were boxes with letters and colors, it was freezing inside the room, but at least they keep the correct temperature.

“I have asthma. And anemia…” you hated when people looked at you with pity. It wasn’t like you were dying, you weren’t infected. You would survive as long as you could because you couldn’t eat decently to regain iron naturally, and asthma would always fuck your lungs, forever.

“I went to school but…” the girl said looking at Joel before he could send a snarky comment to her. “Anemia isn’t like your blood is at the risk being fucked up?”

“Sorta, it means that I don’t have enough red cells in my blood, so I don’t have enough oxygen flowing through my organism” relief floods you when you find a big binder in a creaky table near a window. It’s a big index that indicates what color and numbers are for every box in the room. “I need iron and inhalators. You said it, I don’t look sick”

“But you are…” Joel said behind you. Ellie could feel the tension when you didn’t answer, you don’t even turn around, you keep looking at the binder. Scanning the list, you see the orange section. E-075 to F-004 vitamins, supplies, and minerals. “Gotcha”

“What?” thankfully Ellie asked, getting closer to you. You were too proud and stubborn to ask Joel to help you find the damn medicines.

“It’s in the orange boxes…” something in the back of your head was telling you to see what was itching in your calf. It felt like a needle dangling and gently scratching your skin with some movements. Everyone started to look in the orange boxes. And by the second box you opened, detached cooler air hit your face, and finally, iron sucrose injections were everywhere. No more ups and down on your heartbeats, fainting, or headache, at least for now.

“Injections… wouldn’t be better to get pills?” Ellie was fun to have around. A week and a half were enough to like her. “Pills would take me months to recover, I don’t have months”

“Yeah, and it’s not like that old man it’s the most gentle. He was a dick in the morning…”

“What?” you whispered like her but in panic. Grabbing tons of the injections and putting them in your backpack she holds the box open for you. “I heard you two. Thankfully I was asleep to hear you had fun last night. But I wasn’t very lucky in the morning….”

“I’m not discussing this with you, missy” she shrugged but helped you. “I just think that you’re not crazy for dreaming with a family”

“Not crazy, just traumatized” without thinking clearly, you grab some tablets of vitamins, just in case. You can hear Joel opening more boxes, he can’t hear your conversation for sure, but he can tell you two are whispering. “What happened to your family?”

“Uh…In the quarantine zone, all of my family survived through the years. My grandma and I worked in the little clinic as nurses. But, Uhm… I guess life’s a bitch. They all got infected somehow and… I, I-…I had to end things by myself before FEDRA did something worse” Ellie gets quiet. Joel told her that he had to kill a lot of infected people before but… she never heard of someone having to kill their own family. “Sorry…”

“That’s why you ended up with him?” she means if that’s how you met Joel, so you nod. “I ended up being his neighbor, and… he took me because I was… super sick. That’s when the anemia got worse, I remember I couldn’t even talk properly because I felt extremely tired” Ellie appreciated that you had the ovaries to tell her more of you. In the beginning, she found it weird that Joel was very close to you, and she was grossed out when she found you kissing him once. But as the days kept going, she got used to it, finding very shocking how sweet the old man was to you. And now with this…

“I thought… he loved me,” you said to yourself, but Ellie heard. Some sadness came when a specific iron supplement box came in your hand. It was for pregnant women.

You thought he loved you, even when you weren’t expecting him to ever say it. It was just a comment back in the morning. You weren’t begging Joel to get you pregnant, you just wanted him to cheer you up, and sprinkle some hope on your broken dream of a family. He didn’t love you, he just got used to your company. That’s why he got you in his bed, why he cared for you, it wasn’t love? No, it wasn’t. This life is shit, and maybe he’s right, you should stop living in a fantasy that will never become real. Just deliver Ellie and then live a life in an isolated house, alone, just like you will die.

And that fucking itch!…

You completely forgot to check on your legs for any bites from infected you deal with earlier that day. That was not the worse part… you were nearly confident that you were indeed bitten.

“Y/n… Are you okay?” you burst out of your inner soliloquy, if that even existed. “You’re scaring me, y/n”

“I think I was bitten, Ellie…” you whisper in shock.

Your brain starts malfunctioning, you ran outside of the room before she can say anything. The contrast between the cold air inside and the dry weather hits you, making you feel twice as sick. You start hearing that disgusting pitch in your ears, and tears form in your eyes because you know what’s coming.

“Hey, no!, ¡y/n, wait!” at Ellie’s scream, Joel came hurriedly, with his backpack in hand. “What happened?, Where’s y/n?” Ellie is frozen. She found it very scary how you acted, she didn’t know how to deal with a person having a panic attack. “Ellie! Where’s y/n?”

“She was frozen, like in shock. Then she-, she, she said she thought she was infected and ran outside” Joel cursed, also entering in panic. It was the first time he called her for her name, and none of them noticed it. “Shit!…” as he started running outside and didn’t find you there, a memory crashed him, instantly giving him a headache.

On a rainy night, Joel finished feeding you. Improvement on you was notorious, but you were still very damaged. Everything was quiet, just the rain drops tapping on his window, until you spoke.

“If I ever get infected, I’ll run into the closest building and get to the rooftop and then I’ll jump or so. Nobody has to kill me, it’ll be an accident...” you said drinking water, Joel only eyed you briefly, cleaning the creaky little table. “Let’s not think about that, y/n…”

Ellie doesn’t understand anything. She’s only following Joel upstairs. She feels scared. It was different when you see someone you care about in trance, a scary trance. Because Ellie cares for you. You clapped at her imprudent jokes, you talked with her, and you weren’t afraid of sharing topics that could be embarrassing for Joel. You were amazing. And it scared her to see you like that, she feared losing you. Didn’t matter if it was early to feel that way.

Just as Joel did, but twice. He couldn’t care about his back or tired knees, he just needed to run faster to get you and stop you from doing something stupid. The guilt was eating him alive. He only saw you having one since he met you, and it wasn’t pleasant.

Heavily scared, Joel opened the door that would lead them to the rooftop. And just as he stepped outside, he saw you. Looking at the ground, lost. A panic attack and your blood pressure decreasing at the same time is one of the worst things that could happen. One step and you could die.

“Darlin’, stop walking towards the edge…” you could hear a distant voice, probably Ellie or Joel. You feared a lot in your life, but the anxiety and sickness were killing you. “STOP MOVING, Y/N!”

That awful feeling. It was useless fighting against your body, you would faint at any moment, nausea and tears soaking your face, the heartache of what Joel said to you, the memory of your family crawling and killing each other. Yet, you weren’t ready to die.

“What are you doing?” Joel stopped Ellie when she tried to get you. “She’s gonna end up falling, let me go!”

“Stay back” he slowly walked towards you. His instincts activated when you slowly closed your eyes, giving up. His arms were quick to pull you towards him, then sunk to his knees as he grabbed your unconscious body, moving your hair away from your face, feeling completely scared.

“Fuck…” he whispered as he hugged your head, pulling you onto his chest. “Forgive me…”

Ellie walked cautiously towards you two. She could tell how bad you were feeling, you looked very pale. But then she was eager to uncover your leg. Because she remembered watching you crawling to stop a clicker to jump and bite her.

“Joel, stay away from her. She could be infected…” the man quickly looked at her, slowly pulling away.

Ellie inspected the skin, gasping immediately. Joel only looked at her in shock and waiting desperately for the reveal.

“She’s like me. Joel, she’s inmune…” he looked at the girl distressed. Ellie pulled a splinter from your pants, confirming that it was that thing the cause of your itching, not a bite. And when Joel looked at your skin, he gasped in surprise too. You were bitten, but the wound was clean, completely healed.

_____________________________________

idk, part 2? No, reader is not dead.

[punkpickle]

GUYS⚔️⚔️⚔️ I did this last week

If someone tells you that the perfect mug doesn’t exist, show them this!!!!!!1!1!!

[etherealval]

a/n: first post kinda nervy …

the music bounced off the walls, sending vibrations through the entire room. you were lost in the atmosphere, your hips swaying seductively to the beat, letting the rhythm guide your movements. the room was crowded, but one particular person had caught your eye.

across the room, chris stood against the wall, watching you completely entranced, with an intensity that made your pulse quicken. you could feel the way his eyes tracked every movement you made, and it sent a thrill down your spine. it was like you were dancing for him alone, as if nobody else was in the room. as soon as you locked eyes, he smirked before pushing himself off the wall and marching straight toward you. a slow, sultry smile spread across your lips — a silent invitation for him to come closer. you turned around and continued your movements, before feeling chris place his hands on your hips, pulling you closer to his body. you bit your lip as you leaned back, your head resting against his chest as you moved together, the rhythm of the music guiding every shift and sway.

“fuck,” he muttered under his breath after you began to grind your hips against him, his grip on you tightening. the tension between you could be cut with a knife. you could feel the heat radiating off his body as you continued your movements, your hips moving sensually as you felt chris harden against you; his jaw went slack as he let out a groan. you turned your head slightly, glancing up at him with a look that spoke volumes. there was an unspoken invitation in your eyes, one that chris was more than willing to accept. he leaned down, his breath warm against your ear as he whispered, “let’s get out of here.”

you didn’t need to be told twice. with a teasing smile, you took his hand, leading him through the crowd of people and toward a quieter, more secluded part of the house.

the bathroom door clicked shut behind you, the music from the party now just a muffled hum. the room was dimly lit, the only light coming from a small lamp on the vanity. chris barely had time to take in his surroundings before you pounced on him, pressing him back against the door, your lips crashing into his with an intense hunger that mirrored his own. your hands roamed over his chest, tugging at his shirt as his fingers found the hem of your dress, lifting it higher. “as soon as i saw you standing there, i knew i needed you,” you whispered breathlessly. the feel of his skin against yours was almost too much, every touch sending a jolt of electricity through you. you broke the kiss just long enough to pull his shirt over his head, your eyes dark with desire as they raked over his body. he was perfect.

his hands were on you again in an instant, pulling you closer as your bodies moved together in a frenzied rhythm. the tension that had built up on the dance floor now found its release, your desperate moans mixing with the sounds of the party just outside.

nothing else mattered in that moment — nothing else apart from you and him.

[badnoahmens]

[maymaylyn]

If they’re actually coming out with a new game, I really hope that we get more lore with Elias and Rorke in their relationship before Caracas😫

[emwrites4u]

Why Remus and Tonks Make a Better Pair than Remus and Sirius. I don’t hate Wolfstar but I just don’t see it 🤷‍♀️ I am an avid shipper of Remus and Tonks so here’s why:

Remus and Tonks make a great couple because their relationship is built on mutual respect, growth, and healing, in contrast to Remus and Sirius’s more complicated dynamic.

Remus and Tonks balance each other out—Tonks’s bright, bubbly personality complements Remus’s more reserved and often self-deprecating nature. She helps him come to terms with his insecurities about being a werewolf, and he, in turn, gives her a grounding presence. Their love is one of acceptance, showing how they both evolve together.

On the other hand, Remus and Sirius’s relationship, while deeply affectionate and filled with history, is also clouded by unspoken emotions and past trauma. While they clearly care about each other, their bond is often overshadowed by a lack of communication and the unresolved tension surrounding their pasts.

Remus and Tonks’s relationship feels like a true partnership, with both individuals growing into better versions of themselves because of their love for each other, whereas Remus and Sirius’s bond, while intense, is more marked by unfulfilled potential and missed opportunities.

[goosepool]

Ive only just started watching the x-men films (sue me im sorry) and why is there so much hate on origins logan its been my favourite film so far

[fir-fireweed]

I think it feels so beautiful if MC and their chosen RO ever started a family in the epilogue. It’s because they chose this, not some council or they were forced to be in the chambers. THEY CHOSE THIS. They wanted this child, not as another worker for the City but someone they will care and raise to be whoever they want because they will have that freedom. They didn’t need to be scared that one day that their child would not face the same things they’ve gone through. Reminded me of Katniss, she said she would never have children because she fearing for them to be Tributes, because the world she had grew up in sucks but… the world she built, she and Peeta were have two kids, she did not need to fear for them anymore.

Thank you, anon! I completely agree with you. ❤️ I wanted to wait till after the update before answering this ask because it parallels Ferret’s thoughts a bit.

Without giving away much, I will say that I think you’ll be happy with the events in the epilogue. 😊

[candywithbooks]

THIS FANFICTION THE COUNTER AT THE END HAD ME JUMPING OUT OF MY BED WHEN I SHOULDVE BEEN ASLEEP

[the-darkestminds]

The bonus chapter with Azriel and Elain just makes me uncomfortable. I do not see whatever chemistry some of y’all are seeing. They make absolutely zero sense together.

[duskandstarlight]

169 unread asks and submissions. I guess this is what happens when you disappear huh?

[meguemii]

Melancholy.

Synopsis- In which Megumi Fushiguro passes away and reader struggles with her grief, and lashes out on her friends eventually trying to get herself together

warnings- mentions of death and the seven stages of grief, a fair bit of angst. reader uses she/her pronouns but it’s not described what she looks like.

word count. 2.9k

navigation station🚉

megumi fushiguro’s playlist. i recommend listening to it while reading

emi note — i haven’t written a lot of angst and this was a bigger thing for me so bare with me. if it comes off as repetitive i’m so sorry [sobs] this was like half proof read so don’t mind that. LOL. enjoy !!♡

Sometime had passed since the passing of Megumi Fushiguro, and it was hard on everyone. It was hard on you, he was the light of your life, the man you planned on starting a family with. You had never imagined not being with him everyday, never thought he would cease to exist. It was odd, it was painful, excruciating.

Those words of love and promises that amounted to nothing in the end.

07/23/19

“Give him back.” you demanded angrily, pounding on the ground where his grave site lie. Hot tears streaming down puffy cheeks, teeth grit as you took out your anger.

“Give him back to me!” screaming with such a raw emotion. Now throwing a fit on the ground as you sobbed, tears and spit flying everywhere as you roared with negative emotions. Everyone watched with sadness, they had all lost him. They lost their friend, classmate, comrade.. but they knew you lost more than that. You lost a part of yourself with him. You had lost your best friend, your rock, the moon who controlled the tides of your emotions, the love of your life. Your soul mate.

Sad eyes followed your every movement, sad ears bared to listen to your broken words.

“Get away.” you turned around and spat at the people who watched.

“Y/N.. we’re here for you and Megumi..” Nobara spoke softly trying to calm you down as she walked towards you. “Do not come near me.” You yelled still on all fours clenching the ground below. “You don’t deserve to be here. None of you!” The hatred that poured out from your voice, the flurrying sadness in your eyes. Yuji was choking back tears as he bit his lip while it trembled. Nobara stumbled back giving you the space you were demanding.

Did you really want space or did you want everyone to see you. See the way you were hurting.

No one wanted to see you like this, couldn’t stand it, and eventually they left one by one until it was just you. You were the last one to stay by him. You would forever be the last one to stay by him. In your mind at the moment no one else deserved to grieve and mourn with you like this, they may have been his friends but you were him and he was you.

“i hate you. I hate you. I hate you!” Sad and angry lies spewing from deep within your gut. Animalistic. Guttural.

This went on until a hand rest on your shoulder. Head whipping around to look at the person interrupting your grieving. Blue eyes met with your own, they didn’t have the usual spark and familiar joy in them anymore. Eyes were just as dull as yours. “Take your hand off of me sensei.”

Gojo frowned at you shaking his head, squatting beside you.

“This really sucks, doesn’t it?” he softly asked you as he longingly looked at the tombstone that sat in front of the two of you.

A calming wave started washing over you, the anger and frustration slowly washing away with it from your trembling stature. “Yeah, something like that” followed by a sad chuckle.

It was weird. Losing someone was weird. You were angry? sad? Amused? Nothing right now made sense.

Silence enveloped the two of you as you sat by his grave. It was more so both of you processing your emotions and not being able to fathom any words. This wasn’t supposed to happen. Megumi was supposed to stay forever, he was a calm summer breeze. The breeze that soothed the summer heat when it got hard to deal with. The breeze that made you stop and enjoy life while taking a breather.

“He was your son, I cannot imagine how you feel Gojo.” finally speaking up. “Satoru.” he corrected you. “right.. I cannot imagine how you feel Satoru” neither looking at the other. Eyes still glued to the writing on the tombstone, it just didn’t feel real to anyone.

“He was my son, and he was.. is your sun, he is the love of your life and I’m sure this is and going to be just as hard for you as it will for me” he replied placing a hand on your back.

“It’s not gonna get easier kiddo, but he’ll be here watching you. Making sure you’re okay. He loved and loves you so much.” Gojo said with such sadness winding through his words of.. comfort? Standing up and dusting himself off.

Taking one last look at Megumi and averting his eyes to now finally look at you. “Don’t forget that.”

10/12/18

He was right, it didn’t get easier. It got harder. You had gone through a few stages of grief. Anger was long gone, bargaining had hit you like a truck. Wishing it was you instead of him but your friends had helped you through with that. Denial and Guilt is what you were going through now. Feeling guilty for how you had treated the people who just wanted to be there for you and Gojo, and feeling guilty for not treating Megumi as good as you possibly could have.

Wishing to go back in time and be more grateful for him, more grateful for his patience, his loyalty, the way he remembered everything about you. There was so much more you wish you could have done and you felt like throwing up all the time.

You were also constantly in denial thinking you’d wake up in the morning turning over and hoping when you opened up your eyes that he’d still be there to say good morning and call you love. Asking what you wanted for breakfast. It’s what you guys would do every weekend when you didn’t have classes.

You asked Nobara to stay with you on weekends so you weren’t alone. You hated being alone. But it was almost just as painful waking up to see Nobara instead of an empty spot in your bed.

You started hearing his voice everywhere and all the time. Dropping whatever to go and look for him and being disappointed every time. Dreaming about him all the time and waking up in tears. It was hard trying to find the inner peace he left in your mind and soul.

You guessed you could cross off loneliness off your list although that would forever be carried along with you for as long as you live without him.

12/17/19

Christmas was nearing and everyone seemed to be in the holiday spirit as they decorated the dorm building. You sat on the couch watching. A world of hurt and sadness was really all you felt, this was the first time in awhile you had left your room to actually spend time with everyone and do something. You wanted to help out but it would just be painful and you also didn’t want to put a drag on everyone’s cheery mood. You smiled at them in envy, wishing you could get over it by now. It’s been months and you just can’t catch a break.

Christmas was your favourite holiday and now it just sucked. Inumaki had put on the fake fireplace video from youtube and played Christmas music. Listening to that and everyone’s chatter as well as laughs was a nice ambience that clouded your thoughts. The only person who wasn’t participating in decorating was Yuta, he sat beside you smiling at everyone who was hard at work, turning to you and asking why you weren’t doing the same in which you replied “I could ask you the same thing” with a snort and a playful eye roll. “Touchè Y/N” you scoffed at the word ‘touchè’

“What’s on your mind?” He asked already knowing the answer but he wanted to let you get it out. You paused, you knew you wouldn’t cry. You were past the point of tears just an empty feeling now. “I just wish he was here..” It was a vague answer but it said everything that needed to be said at the same time. “It’s tough.. and I’m sorry you have to feel like this and deal with this. I wish I could still grieve like you are.” he paused to think as you looked at him puzzled. “I feel guilty for not mourning his death as long as you have but don’t get me wrong! I wish you didn’t have to feel like this!” He apologized realizing how his statement could have come off. You laughed at him. First time you had laughed in a while. Reassuring him that you got what he meant.

Getting up from your spot and standing in front of him, extending your hand for him to get up as well. “Let’s decorate some stuff, they can’t do anything without us” Trying to feel like yourself again. Baby steps is all you could do right now and distracting yourself by doing minuscule tasks like this would suffice for now. Yuta took your hand giving you a bright smile while getting up.

A little bit of time had passed and eventually everyone had started to retreat back to their rooms except for you, yuta, inumaki and nobara who sat on the couch showing each other stupid tiktok’s. You and Yuta were chatting, you had felt better than when you had earlier.. feeling a bit more fulfilled. Checking the time seeing as it had gotten pretty late you said your good nights but before you got up you made sure to thank Yuta for helping you.

12/25/19 8:30am.

Christmas had rolled around fast. Once again you had been sat on the couch as everyone exchanged gifts, you had a bitter sweet smile on your face knowing he should have been there. God you had wished to see his locks of spikey black hair, his deep blue eyes and that half smile, his angsty demeanour that surrounded him everywhere he went.

You had gotten him a gift knowing he would never be able to open it but it was okay. “Y/N! I got you a really great gift I know you’ll love!” Nobara said as she gushed handing you a present. It snapped you back from your thoughts and you smiled warmly at her. Carefully unwrapping the paper around it, finding what looked to be a box that jewelry would come in. You opened it to find a pearly necklace with a gold hearted locket in the centre. Opening the lock you could see a picture of your best friends and him, as well as you. All big smiles on your faces except for his, typical. You laughed as you got up and hugged her, some happy tears escaped your eyes but it was okay. Thanking her you turned around and lifted your hair so she could put it on you.

Sitting back down and wiping some of those stray tears you felt okay. You felt good. Everything would be okay. You were starting to accept that he was gone but his memories and memories of him would always be with you and everyone else. Christmas would be nice.

As everything was finishing up Gojo had tapped your shoulder and smiled as he hid something behind his back. “I got you something too Kiddo, I hope it doesn’t put a down on your mood but I know these are one of your favourite things” you looked at him confused as you never confided in him for really anything. He handed you a bouquet of white lilies and your gaze softened and your smile fell to a weaker one. White lilies, the flower of purity and rebirth.“Thank you sensei” taking the flowers and giving him a half hug. pulling away and looking at the flowers knowing what you would do with them.

“Y/N, I got you something as well!” Yuji chimed in as he approached you. “Here. It’s a photo of you and Megumi” A photo of the two of you from your beach trip eating ice cream. You hadn’t even know that the photo had been taken, you smiled at Yuji giving him a half hug as well thanking him profusely. Taking another look at it, it was framed by a beautifully stained wooden frame. The dark grainy wood with two initials engraved in it, an M and a _. You knew what you would be doing with this as well.

Excusing yourself from everyone and bringing all of the gifts you had received from everyone back to your room.

12/25/19 3:20pm.

You sat at his grave as you talked to him as if he were still here. It helped ease that aching feeling that never truly went away when you were by yourself. “Gumi, I got some really nice gifts today but I thought you should have them.” turning to your back and pulling out the picture frame and putting it down where he rest. “Yuji got this for me. I didn’t even know he took this picture” an asymmetrical smile tugging at your cheeks lifting them slightly. “Merry Christmas Megumi”

Reaching to open your locket and look at the photo “Nobara got this one for me, it’s beautiful, huh? I also have one more thing” reaching back into the bag to grab the flowers. Pausing as your finger tips grazed the petals.

Tears quickly flowed from your eyes, what was even the point of this. Why were you talking to someone who wasn’t even here? All that lay below was a pile of bones in a suit and a tombstone that read his name, birthday and date of death. “This bites.”

Loud sobs filled the air as they usually did here. Every time you came it always ended up like this. Feeling stupid for talking to a grave, feeling stupid for not being able to pull yourself together as well as get your shit together and stand on your own two feet again. This feeling of loneliness and vacancy. “I wish you were here, I wish I could physically talk to you, physically hug you. I wish I could physically see you again.”

You couldn’t even hear the sound of snow crunching as someone walked up to you until you felt a tap on your shoulder again just as you did that day. Turning around to look up at whoever disturbed you, red and puffy eyes. “Hey kid” he greeted quietly as he crouched beside you like he did before. “It hurts. I didn’t want everyone else to see me break down again. I’ve been acting too depressing around them as much as it is, and doing it in christmas would be such a selfish thing to do” you sniffled, stuttering over your words trying to calm yourself down enough to speak, with every word you felt your throat burn. “They would understand, I promise” he resssured. “But I also get where you’re coming from. It’s been a rough few months for everyone and everyone’s been off, just trying to get through it. You’ve been taking it the worst though.” Once again your broken sobs filled the air as you hugged him grasping at any sort of comfort. “I wish I was as strong as them, as strong as you. as strong as him. He would have gotten his shit together so long ago” Gojo paused for moments trying to find the right words to say and he held you. “You are strong, just as strong as everyone else. Y/N you have to deal with all of this and holding onto him is the strongest thing anyone could do. You are taking your times coming to terms with this shitty hand you’ve been dealt and acceptance doesn’t have to come right away.”

It felt like time had stopped as you continued to cry into Gojo’s shoulder. Snow flakes fell as your tears started to stick to your face from the cold. You felt pathetic as you snotted all over Gojo, the fact that he had seen you like this too many times but it was nice you could rely on him. He was the closest you’d get to your late boyfriend and it was comforting knowing you could be like this around him without judgment. Finally pulling away and wiping your nose as you laughed sadly apologizing.“No worries kiddo, i’m always here to be your snot rag.” he ruffled your hair and gave you a smile. Even without seeing his eyes you knew his had pain searing throughout his as well.

“I know he’s gone but it’s so lonely. I’m always surrounded by this weird feeling I can’t put my finger on. It’s whenever I think of him, think of our memories, our plans we made.. I feel this.. this?” You paused trying to find the right word. “Melancholy. You feel melancholic.” You turned back to the bag and grabbed the white lilies Gojo had gotten you and laid them on top of Megumi’s headstone and started at it and sighed longingly as well as relieved knowing you could finally put a word to the feeling. “Yeah.. Melancholy.”

Snow still lightly fell as you and Satoru Gojo had started at his name leaning into each other. Acceptance. He was gone and that was okay, you would be okay, he would always be here whether it was physically or not.

“I‘ll see you again Megs”

A warmth embracing you almost like he was there hugging you saying that he can’t wait.

I hope this wasn’t like crazy awful because I was actually trying LMAO. in the christmas spirit i present you all with hard hitting megumi angst. don’t hate me. Like I said I only half proof read and over half of this I was stuck listening to my friends rage at cod LMAOO.

We love dad! gojo, being so supportive of the reader, i was afraid it would seem inappropriate that him and reader were hugging but like he’s just comforting his sons literal girlfriend who lost just as much as he did and he STILL stayed strong her HER. We also love Yuta for being her first big push to getting her back to being herself

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Much love from emi!!🩷

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