#(censoring because i’m not starting beef in the tab)

[skylinebeemine]

I hate it when you’re watching a YouTube video about a topic you’re knowledgeable about and while you want to be encouraging about what this person did, they are only doing level 1 data research (rant in tags oops)

[breezeinmonochromenight]

You know what? Fuck it, everyone in Shinra has a Twitter/Instagram account (but the Turks have finstas because they're spies, y'know?) Hojo's got links in the dark web. Zack tries entering the deep web by going in incognito mode and typing "drugs" in the searchbar. Genesis is starting Twitter beef for whatever reason, Sephiroth's account is virtually nonexistent, Kunsel's a tea account, and everyone likes Angeal because he's unproblematic

(Anon, I want you to know I was on the phone with my grandmother when I read this. And I hit the Zack bit and lost my fucking shit ugly laughing ahdhsjdjd he.

I’m gonna try to expand on this but I highly doubt I’ll be able to match your god tier takes lmao.)

—o—

President ShinRa — has an account on Twitter but refuses to let a PR person run it. Accidentally Horny on Main Incident Counter: 3 (so far)

Cloud — Hates social media but has one at Zack’s insistence. Has a random username with like his birthday in it but it’s so forgettable you’d think it was just an auto-generated one he didn’t change. He only posts obscure photos, never selfies. Zack is the only one that follows him until he convinces the firsts to do it and starts posting photos of the blonde and tagging him. The rest is history.

Zack — Kind of really fratboy-ish on his accounts. Lots of photos of him in cut-out muscle shirts, megawatt grin in place, etc. It’s broken up by cute, soft pictures of him and Cloud or like Cloud sleeping or smth. He tags Cloud in them, too, and that’s how Cloud’s own follower count explodes, despite having a fairly empty page (Seph is sympathetic).

Also. He totally went on what he thought was “the dark web” on like Angeal’s tablet or smth. He’s currently running laps until he fucking dies.

Angeal — The most unproblematic and fun person to follow. Has the prettiest Instagram by far given his interest in photography. Accidentally aesthetic. Not really a selfie person and rarely posts to twitter.

Trouble in paradise only happens when a shirtless photo of him in some low-riding sweats that are clinging just a little too tight from exercise pops up on a rapidly growing tea spill account. It’s made worse when Gen reblogs it like 6 times and even fucking Sephiroth likes it. He can’t even look at his DM’s anymore.

Reno — Secretly has a personal insta that he think he cute about, and no one will ever find it. But Tseng knows. Because he always just knows. He just doesn’t say anything because he uses it as a quick way to keep tabs on what infraction(s) Reno has committed at any given time.

Tseng — Runs the top secret Turk ‘kawaii’ finsta + twitter used for spying purposes but does, at times, enjoy looking at some posts. Waterscapes are a favorite.

Scarlet — She’ll post stuff that’s either interesting or aesthetically pleasing, but like every 5th post or so she’ll post some wildly misinformed or straight up shitty “hot take” a lose a shitton of followers.

Genesis — Honestly just fucking loves drama and posting his semi-lewds somewhere. Adores attention. Starts shit for the fun of it if he can’t find anything to insert himself into. Loves to pick fights with Scarlet over her shitty takes.

And yes, he has used a copy of LOVELESS as a makeshift censor bar before.

Sephiroth — Accounts have millions of followers but like. They’re basically empty. If the default picture has been replaced, it’s by like a blurry photo of... something... but a black, gloved thumb is blocking half the lens.

(Also why do all these people keep asking about his hair?)

Hojo — Welcome with open arms on the dark web, IP banned on every social media site. Truly a mystery. Go figure.

Kunsel — Has not just a tea spill page, but the tea spill page. The one that has almost eclipsed all three famous 1sts + Zack combined. Literally no one knows it’s him, either. Not even Zack.

Communicates regularly for info trades with different accounts, one seemingly harmless kawaii account tends to trade him some really good dirt, more often than not.

(He also knows it’s you, Tseng.)

Lazard — keeps everything professional but you best believe he keeps checking the tea spill page frequently. He is not immune to enjoying drama.

Reeve — Relatively unknown account with a small amount of followers until some movie about an assassin who’s dog gets murdered comes out. Then, holy shit, does his popularity explode. Turns out, ‘looks hot in a suit and cares about the environment’ is a lot of people’s ‘type’.

Rufus — Hes one of those rich kids of Beverly Hills type instagrams as a teen and then sort of grows out of it as an adult. Takes too long to retort on twitter and when he does, it kind of feels like something he’s practiced saying in a mirror for quite some time. Kind of feels like he read 50 Shades and is trying to impersonate the main dude, sometimes. The much better public face of the company, though, but a few too many food selfies.

Roche — Also kind of fratty but like 60% of his photos are centered around his bike. Makes the mistake of calling Cloud a ‘hot piece of ass’ and saying some pretty... suggestive... things about him in a photo Zack took and posted of the blonde when they were in Costa del Sol.

I’m sure you can guess how that went.