#(canned audience laughter)

[rocketbirdie]

helloooo mr. fair~

[ray935sworld]

Thunderstorm and children's laughter

Valentino Rossi was sound asleep when his little brother woke him up. Nothing he wasn't used to by now. Afterall there was a nasty thunderstorm and Luca was only 4. Except he wasn't. The night before he was 26, like the rest of the academy.

Rosquez with academy fluff (~5.5k words)

Vale was actually not already awake. He was lost in a dreamless sleep. The summer heat had hit them with another hit. It was too much for his brain to actually function. Even making up dreams felt like too much effort. So he didn’t really lost much when he felt a small hand on his shoulder. It was a tight grip but without much strength.

A warm summer night in Tavullia.

Disorientated he turned towards the movement. He was still light-headed as it was the pressure that had woken him up. He blinked a few times. He was confused but his brain remembered what a tiny hand on his arm meant. It was the silent code he and his baby brother made when he needed something.

“Tino“ It was barely more than a whisper. It could easily pass as a hiss rather than an actual word. But Vale would recognize it easily. It was small, barely even audible but the voice made all his attention focus on the spoken words. He had learned to hear it over the sound of deafening motors, screams and laughter. He could identify it over loud music and yelling, no matter how far away. He had sworn to protect the little voice and now he would recognize the voice of his baby brother anywhere.

He was used to it by now. Since his mom had his little brother, he just had to adore Luca. When he first learned about his mother’s pregnancy, he was unsure how to approach the situation. He and his younger sibling would have a large age gap. He would be a lot away with racing. He feared that he wouldn’t be able to be actually involved in his siblings life. He didn’t want them to resent him for that. But ever since Luca had been born, the young adult had realized that his worry had been silly. Luca seemed to be glued to him every time he was visiting his mom. And he loved waddling to him in the middle of the night. He often insisted on sleeping in his bed which caused Vale to take the coach, as he didn’t  want to risk hurting him.

This must be one of these times. “Ciao bambino” he answered and smiled. He opened his eyes. He was so tired he felt like his eyelashes were glued together. He had gone to bed way too late to be already up again. But he couldn’t remember what had kept him awake.

The child in front of him was undeniable Luca, but he couldn’t be older than 4. Therefore Vale’s tired brain had decided that it must be at some point in the summer of 2001. Luca hadn’t even been 4 years old back then. He was about to turn 4 and Vale was determined to spend the birthday with his brother. He had gotten him a mini bike, helmet, a suite and everything to make sure his brother was safe after the little one had constantly expressed curiosity in the work of the older brother.

He chuckled about the way he could only see his shoulder when he had his head pressed against the mattress. Luca’s longer hair was falling in his face. He’d soon have to cut them again. The strains were slowly getting long enough to reach his eyes. He looked at him. The two piercing blue eyes had small tears in them. He had been crying. He noticed the tears and his giggles was muted. He looked at his red eyes. His cheeks had a trail of water on them. How did he not notice immediately? Worry overtook him. He stretched his arms out to quickly brush the tears away. “Hey, what’s going on?” he asked. His voice caring and full of love.

“Weather scary” he whispered. It was only then that Vale’s senses kicked him. He heard loud rustling. At first it was only quite then it got suddenly louder. It sounded metallic and plastic at the same time. The wind was howling while kicking the window shutter. It was raining. The drops were tipping the roof and made a natural rhythm. It was undeniable loud. The bedrooms were directly under the roof so there was not much space that could have silenced the noises. It was Luca’s whimper when a loud bang silenced all those noises. A thunder crashed. A summer thunderstorm had woken the little kid. It scared the boy and that was the only thing he cared about right now.

“Awe, do you want to cuddle?” he asked softly and pulled him closer. He sat up a little bit to put his arm under the armpits of his brother. He lifted him easily. “I promise, I will protect you no matter what. I have experience with some of the worst storms in the history of -“ He wanted to fall in a story to distract his brother while settling him on his side. But therefore he had to move to the side. While moving, he felt a leg next him. Someone was lain next to him. But for the love of god, he would never bring an one night stands to his mom’s house since and his relationship – oh.

He realized he might had the wrong date. In 2001 he wasn’t dating anyone. But in 2024 he was. He had been in a long term relationship since 2020. Again.

He turned around. There he was. His boyfriend. The love of his life. He smiled. A sleeping Marc Marquez, being 31 years old – half naked as usual – was next to him. He was in their shared bedroom on the ranch. Not his mother’s flat. Just for a moment he was thanking god that he and Marc weren’t somehow sucked back in time and were stuck at his mom’s house. That’d be awkward to explain.

Which lead to the new problem. His brother would soon celebrated his 27th birthday. The summer of 2001 was 23 years ago. Luca was not supposed to be barely able to look above the bed. He was supposed to be freaking taller than him. But there he was, sitting innocently on his lap and burying his head in his chest. Another thunder had made him shiver. His whole body was trembling and he couldn’t help but hug him closer. He knew he was crying so he put his hand on the back of his head and softly stroke his scalp. He needed to calm him. He didn’t like seeing his brother in pain – emotionally or physically.

At the same time he started kicking his boyfriend awake. He only needed a few to shake him awake. “Valeeee-“ he was greeted with complaining, as expected. He couldn’t really blame him as he would have the same reaction. “It’s too early- lemme sleep. We can fuck in-” “Marc, Luca turned into a 4 year old.”

He couldn’t believe he just said that. But it was true. It was the truth. At least that was the only explanation how a 4 year old version of his adult brother ended up in his arms.

“Who is 4 years old?�� his voice was muffled by the cushions. “Luca” “Eh?! Luca is 26” Finally the Spaniard open his eyes and sat up to stare at little Luca who stared right back at him. “Ehm… Hi” he managed to get out. He couldn’t deny the similarities between the child and the Luca he knew – and the few childhood pictures of Luca at various ages in Vale’s home that he’d never get rid of  – so he had to believe his lover when he said it. If he said it was Luca than it must be Luca.

“He’s… Why is he…” he tried to put the situation in words. But stopped himself in his sentence. He watched how the little body cling to the older who absentminded patted him. “I don’t know. He is scared of the thunder. He came here like this” “This never happened before… Right?” “Oh how could I forget?!” he asked and the way he said it made Marc immediately knew it’d be sarcasm. “He always randomly turns into a baby!” “M not a baby” a silent protest interrupted him. “I know. I’m sorry, you’re a big boy” he hurried to say and added a short kiss to his forehead to make sure he was being forgiven. The bright grin told him everything he needed to know.

Marc already felt his heart melting. He still couldn’t stay cool when seeing his lover show affection. Seeing him interact with his academy boys always made him feel warm. He was kind to them, willing to protect them from anyone and everything. He always encouraged them. He somehow felt reassured and more safe. Seeing him with his little brother – now even younger than usual – was the sweetest thing imaginable.

Until another thought hit him. “Wait… If he… That means he has no clue who I am.” He didn’t want to risk upsetting him or even scare him. Watching the slight look of panic wash over Vale proved that this was a worry worth considering. Even though Luca had always been a polite child, he didn’t like stranger. With his brother’s profession and the younger one’s frequent visits at the circuits, he had taught Luca very early to just start screaming, running, hitting and biting if someone was trying to take him.

Before Vale could warn his boyfriend that he might be challenging him to a screaming match, Marc turned to the child. He levelled with him and patted his shoulder. “Hey… Luca. Luca, do you know who I am?”

Vale felt the little head move. He looked at Marc for a second and Vale was full on prepare to deal with whatever happened next. But instead he just said “Eh? You’re… Marc. Why?” “Thank god” he breathed out. He wasn’t sure how he could have dealt with it if he had no clue.

But it reminded him that he should get a real overview of the situation to make sure that everyone was okay. After all, the question how it happened was connected with who else was affected. He was lucky that Marc was like he was when he fell asleep but the whole academy had stayed over.

“You’re right. That’s Marc. You can trust him. He is a big brother too! So he knows how to take care of you. There’s no problem if you stay with him for a few minutes.” He decided and exchanged a look with the Spaniard who nodded in agreement. “Here, you keep an eye on him. I will-“

He was just trying to lift the little boy to hand him over when Luca quickly tighten his grip around his shoulders. His nails were digging in his shirt and he tried to pull him back. He wanted him closer so he could feel his warmth again. Vale stopped in his track, confused about the sudden reaction. “No, Tino. Don’t go. Plewse. You promised. You promised.” “I… I will be back soon. Look, it’s Marc. You like Marc, don’t you? He’s your friend. He is kind and lovely, caring and way more fun than me” he tried to argue. “But… Want you”

The way his lips were shaking when he said it, almost broke him. Helpless he looked to the younger rider. “I need to check on the other boys” he whispered and got a nod in return.

“Luca, look” Marc started and slowly put his hand on his shoulder. “Your brother really, really needs to check on your friends okay? Remember?” He slowly let his hand wander to his back so the change would go more smoothly. He hoped to just be able to pull Luca from Vale while they were talking. “We had a sleep-over. Maybe they are scared too. You wouldn’t want that, right?” “Yeah, but… Tino” “He’ll be back soon. I promise. We can cuddle in the meantime. I may not be Vale but I promise I keep you just as safe.” He seemed hesitant but a loud thunder quickly made his decision. It was a loud rumbling that made little Luca jump. He rushed in Marc’s open arms who quickly cover the kid with the blanket.

Marc looked up and smiled, happy that his plan had worked. Vale watched the scene in fascination. He knew that Marc was good with kids, but actually seeing it was different. Not to mention that this child was his dearest little boy. He looked so content to deal with his little brother.

“I love you” he confessed without thinking and leaned in to kiss his lover. He captured his lips for a moment. He wanted it to last longer but an “Ihhh” made them break. Luca was staring at them with a disgusted face. “What? He’s cute” The oldest defended himself and kissed his cheeks which made Luca giggle.

Vale finally stood up but not without leaning closer once more. “You sure you can handle him?” Vale reassured himself. Marc almost looked offended. “Yes! Now go check on your kids. We’ll be okay” he insisted and pushed him playfully away.

Now there was no more reason to wait. He got up and quickly left. As soon as he stepped out on the corridor, he heard the rain basically punching every available surface. It was loud like hits. And there was no way to escape the sounds. Vale really couldn’t blame anyone for being scared, especially a child that didn’t understood what was going on. He had just crossed the hallway, getting closer to the boys rooms when he saw light through a window. The light was burning downstairs.

It could only be one of the riders he was looking for cause he was sure he had turned the light off when he went to bed. So he took the few steps down and headed for the kitchen where he assumed he’d find the source of it. With every step, he prayed that he would find an adult version of Bez laying high on the kitchen floor or Pecco making himself tea in the middle of the night like he did so many times already.

He considered praying but either this was one of the hard challenges the priest always talked about or God couldn’t help him too.

At least he guessed the right person. When he entered, his eyes curiously looking around, he was faced with Pecco. The champion was standing in front of one of the cupboard and had turned around when he heard him. He looked at him, his big eyes even bigger than usual. His face was yet to grow on them. His cheeks were rounded than they had been when saying good night. And his signature beard had disappeared.

Pecco was now a very small Pecco. He had lost around half his height. A very young – maybe 5 – and scared looking Pecco, was staring at him and smiled in visible relief. Still he didn’t left his cover.

Little Pecco was hiding behind Franky. Franky who had lost approximately more than half a meter of his own height as well. But he was noticeable taller than the little one. Franco’s curls had returned and were hanging in every directions. He looked like he hadn’t seen a hairbrush in a year but it was just his natural hair. He seemed older than Pecco and Luca. More around school age. If he had to place it, he’d say 7.

Franky felt how Pecco had suddenly moved and turned around as well. Holding a yellow package, he smiled at him. Vale was able to make out that he was missing one of his teeth.

“He wanted cookies” he explained. He closed the door to the shelve were they kept the snacks. Now this was a detail he could work with. It might be the only thing that made sense in this situation. A scared child wants a cookie. Of course.

That said child was Francesco Bagnaia, the current MotoGP world champion was another story. Vale decided to deal with that after he had helped them. “Yeah, sure.” He agreed. There wasn’t really anything else to say. He was lucky the boys seemed to remember him. The thought of having to deal with two or more kids scared they had been kidnapped made a shiver run down his spin.

Without thinking about it, he got two plastic cubs out a storage – something they barely used, only when they were outside on track and for some reason didn’t had bottles or when one of them decided to get too drunk to function. Right now he was really happy to have them. He wasn’t sure if he could hand glass to Pecco… A weird thought.

He filled both cubs with milk and lifted the little rider from Turin on a chair with Franco next to him. “Thank you” both said unisono. They smiled at him. He smiled back. The younger one was sat almost directly against Franky but was now clearly more relaxed. To distract them further, Vale activated the radio in a corner. He hoped it would cover the remaining sound of rain, wind and thunder. It was less noticeable on this floor but still audible.

He watched them for a few more seconds. He just needed to take it in. Pecco was 4. Luca too. Franky seemed like 7 – maybe 8. It was a situation he never believed could be possible. But now he had them munching cookies and dipping them in milk. He was not going crazy. Marc had seen Luca. He wasn’t insane.

He asked if they needed anything else. He wanted to make sure they were okay. They were already joking about something he hadn’t quite caught. Partly cause he hadn’t listen. Partly cause Pecco was speaking so sloppy, it was impossible to hear. He took it as a good sign and returned to finally checking the bedrooms.

He stood in the hallway, looking from one door to the other. Luca, Franky and Pecco were alright. That left Cele, Bez and Migno who were sleeping at the ranch as well. Sometimes they drove home as most of them didn’t live far away but today they had a long training in the evening to avoid the heat and most had alcohol with dinner. And none of them would be driving when they had a drink. Vale would prevent that. So they had slept in some of the spare bedrooms that he had for this exact reason.

He decided to check on Migno first. He was already having the handle in hand when he realized that they was a real possibility that he would be faced with Andrea Migno as a 5 year old – probably completely unhinged and wild. If that was the case he might actually take a few years from him. Not to mention Bez. In combination with a young Cele or Pecco. He swallowed. He was already happy they weren’t his legal responsibility. But as kids… That could be fun.

But all the horrors he imagined they would bring were now only in his thoughts. He needed certainty so he silently opened the door.

He almost laugh when he saw Migno.

As feared, Migno was now even smaller than usual. He had the statue of a 5 year old. But he was laying on his bed, which was now way too big for him. He was spread out over the covers. He was sleeping like nothing happened. Vale could hear him snore loudly. He was actually sleeping. During the worst thunderstorm in years, he was sleeping like a little child – like the little child he currently was. He smiled and looked in the sky. Maybe there was still a god that had pity with him.

Therefore his newest mission was now to make sure that no one of the baby academy would decided that cuddling with Andrea by jumping on him and waking him was a great idea. The less he had to deal with, the better.  

The next person on his check list was Cele. This time, there was no hesitation. He wanted to rip the bandage off. But he immediately noticed that the youngest one wasn’t in his room. Even after turning the lights on, seeing the raffled bed, making clear that someone had sleep there before leaving.

A wave of panic hit him. Where was the little trouble maker? At 22 he was already a handful – back when he first joined at only 14 years old he was mainly to shy around him to be a manic, but after the stories Bez told him, he sure wasn’t a calm one either. But as a little kid with no hesitation or sense of boundaries? Immediately, the worst case scenario started in his head. What if he had ran off? He couldn’t ask to look for a 22 year old that might be only 3. He tried not to think about a panicking Cele that woke up, unsure and scared where he might be.

Pecco and Franco seemed to remember him – Luca did it anyway – despite not knowing him when they were this young. And Luca knew Marc so maybe even a baby Cele would know that he was safe on the ranch. He pushed the ‘what if he doesn’t back in his mind’

Then he remembered that Cele had a tendency of sneaking in his boyfriends room or motorhome. Bez was only a door away after all. He never blamed them and now, this might be the best shot to prevent the heart attack he felt in his chest. He quickly rushed to the door and opened it.

He was met with a dim light when he opened the last door and stared at 4 very scared eyes. Cele and Bez. Both were shivering and buried up to their noses in Bez blanket. They looked at him like he was their saviour.

“Loud” Was all Cele said as an explanation. He was definitely still the youngest. He couldn’t be older than 3. He looked so small that Vale barely recognized him. But he knew that the only person that Bez would press this close to himself was Cele. And right now, there was no way he would give him up. He was sure the 4 year old would bite him if he even suggested to hand the little one over.

“Yes. It’s very loud and very, very scary” he tried his best to stay calm. He went around the bed to look both of them in the eyes. He was kneeling beside the bed and gave them what he hoped would be a comforting smile.

He looked at them. Those were the men he knew. What if they didn’t change back? Would they grow up again? Would they still want to ride when they’re old enough? How the hell was he supposed to explain this to the boys’ parents anyway? Surely they would not expect to get their babies back in the literal sense. But rationally, he couldn’t keep them. He would but he wasn’t their legal guardian. And they would have to come up with an explanation for the world why all academy were suddenly declared unfit and  potentially return in… 9 to 13 years in Moto3.

But now his priority was to make sure they were okay. “Were under the roof, so the storm is kinda close.” He explained. Knowing what was going on, might sooth them. “Why don’t we go down to the kitchen, mm? Pecco and Franco are there too. We can have some cookies and listen to music. Then you want even notice the storm. We’ll distract each other.”

Cele looked up to Bez. They were having a silent conversation. Both were reading the other to find out what they wanted. “What about Andrea?” Marco asked. “He is still sleeping. He’ll be alright” he reassured him quickly. Again, the two shared a look before Bez stood up. Cele was still pressed against his chest. He was holding him tightly but Vale’s fear peaked more than having to watch Luca race for the first time. The last thing he needed was an injured child whose existence he couldn’t explain but needed a trip to the ER.

He watched Bez closer than when they were on track and hold his little hands steady while Cele buried his head in his neck. Together, they walked downstairs again. Vale was ready to grab the boys ever second but the Rimini born rider was very careful.

Vale was sure he had just gained grey hair by the time the two boys finally made it down. Safely. It was only then Bez had decided it was okay for Cele to walk on his own. But not without holding his hand. The other accepted without hesitation and smiled a little bit. The retired rider quickly opened the door to the kitchen and was met with… nothing. The room was empty. But a sound stopped him from worrying. Instead he checked the living room.

He stayed in the entrance just for a second. He wanted to take the scene in. He hoped he could safe this moment in his mind forever. He didn’t want to forget it. Ever.

Marc sat in the middle of the couch. He had a soft blanket draped over him and the boys. Pecco had apparently decided that the spot exactly under his arm was the best place to be. Franky was sitting next to him, excited to see Cele and Bez. He grinned at them and waved which cause Cele to run towards him, dragging Marco with him. Luca was sat on the other side, clearly sleepy. His tiny eyes were almost closed. Nonetheless, he smiled when he spotted his brother.

“Hey, what are we watching?” he asked as he took the place next to Luca. He was now squished between Marc and Vale and didn’t seem to mind. He just shifted his head to lay on his brother instead.

“Cars!” Pecco announced. Bez and Cele were now sat next to Vale. And slowly a calm atmosphere returned. No one spoke. Marc refused to question the situation. He was just trying to make the little kids feel safe and comfortable. They couldn’t change what happened to them either way and at 2am no one would help the either. They would deal with the rest in the morning.

So they just watched Cars. Around half way in the movie, when most of them had already started to get tired again, the door opened. A very sleepy Andrea entered. He look at them, grinned and ran towards the end of the coach. Suddenly his tiredness seemed to no longer affect him.

“Migno, don’t-“ Vale started but it was too late. He had already jumped on the side and was now looking very guilty at their dad. “Sorry” he smirked. “Yeah, yeah” There was no use in scolding him. He wouldn’t listen, now that he was taking his place next to Franco.

Now they were all together. The kids still shifted a little. At that point, Luca had found his way to Vale’s side in the Cele – Bez hug. Franco and Migno were a little bit fooling around, but calmed down quickly. Pecco was sleeping leaned on Marc. The Spaniard himself was asleep as well. He was breathing calmly. His head was placed on Vale’s shoulder who was still very much awake.  

The older rider had always appreciated moments like this. He actually couldn't really get enough of them. He loved to look at his lover and make himself aware just how lucky he was to be with him, even after everything that he did to him. He had wasted so much time. He promised himself to never waste another minute. And in moments like this, this included, to look at him and realised just how lucky he truly was. He thought about how much he loved him during the whole movie. He wished he could spend the rest of their lives like this.

Cuddle together with their children - with their actual children, not with the de-aged Academy riders preferably. But he knew that they belonged in his vision of his perfect little family as well. But as their adult versions. Hopefully. They would watch movies, make food and play together. Even if Marc would want to still race or work in racing, he wouldn’t mind taking care of them on his own.

He would teach his kids how to ride the bike once they're old enough, and he would show them everything their papa had done. He would show them Marc's accomplishments, not his own. That was the life he wanted. That was his new goal. With this thought, the credits of the movie began to roll. He had to break his dream and come back to his new, weird reality.

“Who is still awake?” he whispered “Me” “I’m tired” Luca and Migno answered. “Okay… Do you want to sleep in my bed?” “Yes!” “No, I’ll go back in mine” Andrea decided and was already wandering off. Vale decided not to try to understand him. Instead, he turned to his little brother and smiled. “OK, then I'll just make sure that they're not freezing and then I’ll be there.”

The thunderstorm had already died out. Not that they had even noticed. It was calm outside. He heard Luca following Migno. They were joking about something. They laughed about how their mentor had smiled at Marc the whole time and had thought they actually hadn’t notice it.

Vale was at the same time busy getting a blanket from one of the shelves. It was technically warm enough to sleep without one, but he didn’t want to risk it. He didn’t need Marc or the children to catch a cold.

He carefully pulled the blanket over them and then adjusted them. He made sure that no little nose or mouth was accidentally buried under the material. When he was sure that they wouldn’t get cold and could still breath, he smiled about them.

“Good night boys… You are adorable like that and I hope you know how important you are for me but I really, really need my adult boys back, okay?” He knew that he was just speaking to himself. And they probably had no say in what happened but it felt right to say it. He smiled about them and brushed Franky’s hair back.

Then he leaned in to kiss his boyfriend’s forehead. He watched Marc smile in his sleep. He wanted to believe that it was because of his kiss but he was happy either way. Knowing he was happy and able to sleep soundly in his house was enough. “I love you so much” he whispered. “You make me the happiest I’ve ever been. I hope you know that, tereso. I want to spent the rest of my life with you and make you the happiest you’ve ever been. Every day. For what remains”

He went upstairs to say his goodnights to Migno who was already absent minded asleep. He gave an barely audible sound back, which was supposed to be a “You too”.

Then he quickly got in his own bed, where Luca immediately started using him as a pillow. While drifting away, there was one certainty… He would ask Marc how he felt about adopting a child. Maybe even two. He smiled about his plan, looking forward hopefully as he finally fell back asleep.

I really hope you enjoyed this story, feedback and (writing) suggestions are always welcome

@hotmessmaxpress @formulapookie @thesunthemoonthestarstheearth I hope this is similar to what you imagined and thanks a lot for the extra motivation :)

WITH CUT OUT SCENE!

[jawz]

The Substance was easily one of the best movies of the year imo… loved the directing, the acting, the writing, the costumes, the cinematography (all those stark angles…), the outdoor shots, the INTERIORS… the way men were written and visually filmed, the way we don’t stay in a room after the main character leaves just so we can hear what everyone else thinks about her - it is HER narrative - I fucking love women directing horror esp. body horror. This is not even to mention the anti-cosmetic modification/injection/surgery themes which are… 😳 Universal was scared to release this film and backed out!!!! GO SEE THIS (but be warned it’s Extremely gory - all I’ll say is haters of excessive CGI in horror will NOT be disappointed in the creativity on display here)

[archaictold]

❝ You say that like there's a school for it. ❞ Jeez! @wingherc ; cont.

[eatingasheswithlister]

KRYTEN IS HURT AND YOU'RE LAUGHING??

[500-moths-in-a-trenchcoat]

friendly tip: if there's a specific dude haunting your nightmares (watched the boiled man phenomenon, regretted it), just imagine beating the shit out of them with a fucking 2x4 it's fucking hilarious

[goldkirk]

[balladetto]

unprompted / always accepting / anonymous

"How old are you, Link?"

     Link imagines it like this.

     If he could exist the way light does when it refracts, dispersing into a kaleidoscope of colours from a single point, each footstep he takes would be haunted by a hundred different shadows. They are moments he can't sear from his memories, all separated by shapes and spaces he's had to fill for each one: he is the Hero of Time, nine summers, small enough that he only needs to ball up for his shield to cover him. He is the Hero of Time, sixteen summers, big enough that the habitual full-body strength he swings his sword with takes a Wolfos down far quicker than his heart had anticipated.

     He is nine, afraid of touch. He is sixteen, afraid of the dark. He is nine, left behind. He is sixteen, choosing to go back. He is nine, wiping Deku Baba sap from the back of his hands. He is sixteen, closing his eyes against the blood-splatter of a man whose ichor he still feels between his fingers. Link is nine and sixteen and everything beyond and in between—

     He is the distorted reflection of someone's son, cursed to a terrible fate. He is Darmani the Third, so old that they ask him to be the next Goron Elder. He is Mikau, killed too young, but grown enough that the blood of Zoran heroes sings loud in his stolen veins. He is nobody he knows how to be, maybe ten summers, dreaming about years that didn't happen and living through cycles of days he's long since stopped counting.

     If he could exist the way light does when it refracts, he'd wave a hand at these silhouettes. He is any of them. He is all of them. He is none of them. Time is kind of real, and it kind of isn't.

     Link answers like this.

     He holds both hands up, fingers visibly splayed. Ten. His right one drops and his left turns level to the ground, seesawing up and down from thumb to pinky. Give or take. He smiles, a huff of something that might be amused for a joke that's only funny to him — which is to say, it's not very funny at all. However much time needs to be given or taken.

[poetryqueer]

rotating uvm’s pentheus in my mind always

[nothingunrealistic]

QUERIDO EVAN HANSEN

TALLER DE 3° ITM, PRACTICAS DE INTERPRETACIÓN EN EL TEATRO MUSICAL 21/22

this is a delight… obviously the production values aren’t the highest but many fun acting and staging choices here, especially the four evans, and i’m impressed that they managed to incorporate the anonymous ones and hiding in your hands without cutting songs

[heartscrypt]

trying to articulate how riddle rosehearts is transfem to me. but not in the weird fetishy "this character looks effeminate so female-ization beam" way. i just think she is so he/she pronouns

[trapton]

emperor's new groove au

[some-teeth-in-a-trench-coat]

Just substitute with names. The challenge is simple when understanding the tricks. Only nouns are needed, though some omitted subjects certainly help too. The sentences won't be the most natural English, but the words can get easier with practice :)

You just gotta- F‎UCK

💥🖕 FUCK PRONOUNS 🖕💥 Never refer to... to..... uhh..... hmmm... this is hard.... umm.... fuck..... uhhhhh

[luna-azzurra]

List of character flaws that could make a funny original character (OC) even more entertaining

Chronic clumsiness: Tripping, stumbling, and knocking things over with comedic regularity.

Absurdly bad luck: Experiencing a series of comically unfortunate events.

Exaggerated laziness: Finding increasingly creative ways to avoid doing any work.

Uncontrollable laughter: Breaking into fits of giggles at the most inappropriate moments.

Inability to keep a secret: Accidentally blurting out confidential information or gossip.

Extreme forgetfulness: Frequently losing belongings or forgetting important appointments.

Obsessive-compulsive quirks: Engaging in peculiar rituals or behaviors for no apparent reason.

Social awkwardness: Saying and doing the most cringeworthy things in social situations.

Over-the-top dramatics: Reacting melodramatically to even the smallest of inconveniences.

Excessive talkativeness: Rambling on endlessly without realizing they've lost their audience.

Compulsive lying: Fabricating outlandish stories to impress others or get out of trouble.

Food obsession: Constantly eating or talking about food, even in inappropriate contexts.

Nervous tics: Displaying quirky mannerisms or habits when feeling anxious.

Paranoid tendencies: Jumping to wild conclusions and imagining elaborate conspiracy theories.

Uncontrollable curiosity: Snooping around and getting into trouble due to a relentless need to know.

Over-the-top superstitions: Believing in absurd lucky charms or rituals.

Excessive hypochondria: Constantly diagnosing themselves with imaginary illnesses.

Silly phobias: Fearing utterly ridiculous things, like rubber ducks or clowns.

Inability to tell time: Consistently running late or showing up at bizarre hours.

Ridiculous fashion sense: Sporting outrageous outfits or hairstyles that defy all logic.

These flaws can turn your funny OC into a lovably eccentric character, bringing humor and charm to any story or situation they find themselves in.

[bonniepop]

you take a deep breath and try to smooth out your skirt on your lap. this is a very important night for you—far from how you normally spent a saturday night. you were dressed in a brand new dress, wore more than your everyday makeup, and actually put effort into making sure your hair was styled. your skin was buzzing and—

oh my god. oh my god. did you—did they just call your name?

"congratulations," said the woman next to you, reaching for your hand and shaking it. you blink at her and sit up, completely taken by surprise.

"oh—um—thank you—" you stammer, before she ushered you to stand to take your award, clapping her hands together as she did.

making your way to the stage felt weird, like you weren't in your own body. like—

a booming "YEAH!" resounds from the back of the audience, followed by frantic applause and borderline inappropriate hollering. "THAT'S MY GIRL!"

"oh my god, atsumu," you mutter, pressing your hands to your face.

you vaguely hear him proudly tell someone, "we're getting married!" and that makes your face break out into a smile so wide that it kind of hurt.

the announcer at the stage welcomed you with a handshake, gently positioning you to take a photo. you take the award with a smile and a polite bow, before straightening and speaking into the mic.

"thank you so much for this award," you start.

"YEAH, BABY!" atsumu yells from the back, and the crowd bursts out into laughter. "YOU DESERVE IT!"

you let out a laugh. "um, it's been a long journey to get to this point, but truth be told i wouldn't be standing here without the help of my team. i don't think i would've gotten as far as i did without them—"

the angry response was quick. "DON'T SELL YOURSELF SHOR—OW! THAT HURT, MOTHERF—!"

the crowd once again bursts into laughter, and you catch your face with one hand and try to calm yourself. osamu had sat next to him; he probably punched atsumu in an effort to temper the embarrassment. you understood, though. you're beyond ecstatic and touched your fiancé was here to support you, but this was starting to get mildly embarrassing...

"um, yeah, anyway," you say, trying to compose yourself, "um, again, thank you so much for this award. as theodore roosevelt said, 'the best prize that life offers is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.' and i'm very lucky to have my team who feels the same way."

"I LOVE YOU, BABY!" atsumu yells, and you hold in a laugh.

you feel like you can end your speech here, as the crowd already applauds, but you decided: fuck being embarrassed.

"and of course," you say, "i'd also like to thank my wonderful fiancé and japan's number one setter, miya atsumu. thank you for always being the best teammate, in love and in life." you raise the award. "i love you."

you can almost see him at the back, practically standing on his seat as he applauds louder than anyone in the room. you can imagine osamu, sinking further down into his own seat in utter humiliation.

after the ceremony, atsumu collects you into his arms and twirls you around. "congratulations, baby!"

you hug him. "thank you, atsumu." when he sets you down, you smile at osamu. "thanks for coming with him."

"i am never doing this again," he says flatly.

atsumu grins and loops an arm around your shoulders. "you're just jealous you're single as fu—OW, stop fucking hitting me!"

[jellogram]

Johnny Eck was a performer from the 1930s who was born without any legs:

He's primarily known for appearing in the 1932 cult classic Freaks directed by Tod Browning.

However what I'm mostly obsessed with is this account of a magic trick he did with his non-disabled twin brother (text under the cut)

Like this is the funniest thing I've ever heard. Can you imagine

Wikipedia screenshot:

"In 1937, Eck and Robert were recruited by the illusionist and hypnotist Rajah Raboid, for his "Miracles of 1937" show. In it they performed a magic feat that amazed audiences. Raboid performed the traditional sawing-a-man-in-half illusion, except with an unexpected twist. At first Robert would pretend to be a member of the audience and heckle the illusionist during his routine, resulting in Robert being called on stage to be sawed in half himself. During the illusion, Robert would then be switched with his twin brother Eck, who played the top half of his body, and a dwarf who played the bottom half, concealed in specially-built pant legs. After seeming to have been sawn off, the legs would suddenly get up and start running away, prompting Eck to jump off the table and start chasing them around the stage, screaming, "Come back!" "I want my legs back!" Sometimes he even chased the legs into the audience. The subsequent reaction was amazing – people would scream and sometimes even flee the theater in terror. As Eck described it, "The men were more frightened than the women – the women couldn't move because the men were walking across their laps, headed for the exit." The act provided the perfect jolt by frightening people at first but then caused just as much laughter and applause. The illusion would end with stage hands plucking up Eck and setting him atop "his" legs and then twirling him off-stage to be replaced by his twin Robert, who would then loudly threaten to sue Raboid and storm out of the theater. Their act was so popular that they played to packed audiences up and down the East Coast."