#(can you tell that i am very deliberately choosing to be positive about this?

[seagulley]

spoke to our vet about Puppy Plans yesterday and found out that apparently one of the biggest GR breeders in the country is producing questionable temperaments… this matches what our rally instructor told me, although she didn’t say it quite as directly. anyway i love having good contacts in the dog world who can tell me shit like this 😌

[hayerins]

Love, Sophie

written for sophie week

Three times Sophie is told she does not deserve love. One time Sophie is told she deserves all the love.

“What does bastard mean?” 5-year-old Sophie asked her governess with her bright, innocent eyes.

“I’m afraid I cannot answer that, Sophie.” Mrs Gibbons avoided the little girl’s eyes.

“Oh, is it a tough word that you do not know its meaning?” Sophie tilted her head in confusion. She thought her governess knew everything.

“You are not wrong to say that, Sophie.” Mrs Gibbons nodded slowly. 

“Would an example help? I’ve heard the other maids say I am the Earl’s bastard child.” Sophie assumed she was helping Mrs Gibbons by providing the example. 

“About that…Sophie…” Mrs Gibbons weighed the possibilities of defining the term for Sophie.

“It’s another way to describe ward, Sophie.” Mrs Gibbons decided against telling Sophie the truth. 

“So can I say that instead of ward? That I’m the Earl’s bastard child?” Sophie assumed the term was positive. 

“I would refrain from doing so, Sophie. We shall all stick to ward. I will inform the other maids as well. Are we clear on this?” Mrs Gibbons’ voice was firm. 

“Is this why the Earl does not love me? Like how the other papas love their children?” Sophie was an intelligent girl. Too intelligent for her own sake. 

“The Earl cannot love you like other papas do, Sophie. You are his ward. He loves you like a guardian would. Nothing more, nothing less.” Mrs Gibbons believed it was for Sophie’s good that she abandoned any hope early. The more Sophie desired fatherly love from the Earl, the more she would be in pain.

 “Nothing more, nothing less,” Sophie repeated Mrs Gibbon’s words, reminding herself she was nothing more than a ward, and nothing less. 

~

“You’re a bastard child.” Rosamund stared straight into Sophie’s eyes.

At least the Earl’s blood flows in me. Sophie wished self-control wasn’t one of her strengths. She had learned the meaning of the term as she aged. 

“You should be glad that we are providing for you. A bastard child.” Rosamund enunciated the last two words slowly as if the deliberate pause in between would soften the blow.

Sophie looked at Rosamund, weighing the various replies she could choose from. Something told her silence would be the best answer.

“Why aren’t you saying anything?” Rosamund expected a rebuttal from Sophie. She expected a defiant response so she could justify her anger.

“If me being at your beck and call all day is not enough, I don’t know what more will appease you.” Sophie was done with Rosamund and gave her an answer. An answer that seemed subservient enough on the surface.

“Nothing you do will appease me. Your very presence itself disgusts me, bastard child.” Rosamund spat. 

“I shall make myself scarce then.” Sophie turned to take her leave, too exhausted to entertain yet another of Rosamund’s childish, insecure tantrums. 

“Where do you think you’re going!” Rosamund lurched to grab Sophie by her hair.

“Let go, Rosamund. You’re hurting me.” Sophie tried to untangle Rosamund’s fingers from her hair.

“Get your dirty hands off me, you bastard child. How dare you touch me!” Rosamund shrieked as she gave Sophie a forceful slap. A slap so strong, it threw Sophie onto the ground with a resounding thud.

“This will teach you to know your place, bastard child.” Rosamund seemed pleased at the sight of her clear palm imprint on Sophie’s tear-filled cheeks. 

~

“How dare you!” Sophie watched as Araminta charged towards the young servant sitting next to her.

“My lady…” The servant stood up instinctively, unsure of Araminta’s next action. Which seconds later, was revealed to be a tight slap to the face.

“I dare you to repeat your words.” Araminta looked at the kneeling servant from the side of her eyes.

“Forgive me, my lady but I do not know what you are referring to.” The poor maid was shivering from shock and the numbing pain from Araminta’s slap. 

“You spoke about the Earl’s bastard child. I heard you!” Araminta raged, scaring the poor girl even further.

“We were far from that topic, Araminta.” Sophie stepped in front of the maid, blocking Araminta’s view.

“As if I would believe the words of a bastard child.” Araminta spat, transferring her anger onto Sophie. 

“That would be out of my control, Araminta.” Sophie blinked. She may or may not have regretted her response but it was too late. 

“Bastard.” Sophie willed herself to not flinch as she watched Araminta’s arm swing towards her cheeks. Go on, Araminta. Hit me.

Seconds after Sophie felt the sting of Araminta’s slap, her ears started ringing and her eyes began to tear. Sophie wasn't sure if it was from pain or anger. Perhaps both. 

“Repeat after me. I am a bastard child.” Araminta leaned in with an evil smirk on her face. Sophie’s silence only served to rile Araminta further. With a glint in her eyes, Araminta yanked on the hair of the young maid, who was watching everything on the side. Looking at Sophie briefly, Araminta laid hands on the maid.

“What do you think you’re doing!” Sophie yelled. There was no need for manners in this situation. Araminta didn’t deserve any either. 

“Say it.” Araminta threatened as she tightened the grip on the young maid’s hair. Sophie looked at the quivering girl, guilty for implicating her. Seeing Sophie’s ‘defiance’, Araminta delivered another slap to the maid’s face. One that was stronger than before. 

“I am a bastard child.” Sophie shut her eyes as she forced herself to repeat Araminta’s words. Shame on you, Sophie. 

“Again. I am a bastard child unworthy of love.” Araminta swelled with a disgusting sense of superiority. 

“I…am a bastard child…unworthy…of love.” Sophie's throat felt like it was on fire as she swallowed the insult.

“Good. Remember your place.” Araminta was pleased with herself. A bastard child like her needs to know her place. 

“Let us leave.” Sophie held the young maid’s shaking hand and pulled her along. Sophie needed to leave before she broke down in Araminta’s sight. That would merely feed her unfounded ego. 

“Sophie, I'm sorry.” The young maid knew Sophie did so to protect her. 

“Araminta wasn't wrong. I am a bastard child.” Sophie let out a slow and painful sigh, deciding that giving in was perhaps easier than fighting.

~

“Sophie!” Sophie's body reacted to Hyacinth's voice before her brain could.

“Yes, Hyacinth?” Sophie peeked into the hall.

“The cookies! I wanted to share the cookies that Daphne brought!” Hyacinth beckoned for Sophie to join the rest. Violet, Kate, Daphne, Eloise, Francesca and Hyacinth were all gathered for tea.

“Sophie, come join us.” Eloise made space next to her. Sophie hesitated as she stared at the empty space on the plush couch. She wasn't worthy of the couch. 

“See Eloise, Sophie doesn't want to sit with you. Sophie, sit next to me!” Hyacinth tapped the space next to her as she looked at Sophie with a huge grin.

“I'm sure Sophie wants to sit next to me. Sophie?” Daphne offered. Sophie remained rooted at the entrance, overwhelmed by the kind offers.

“Is something the matter, Sophie?” Kate approached Sophie with worry in her eyes. 

“You're crying…” Kate bent down to look at Sophie. 

Before Sophie knew it, Kate had led her into the hall and the Bridgerton ladies surrounded her. 

“Did someone mistreat you, Sophie?” Daphne questioned. 

“Did Ben bother you? I'll go talk to him…” Eloise added while adjusting her dress in preparation to confront Benedict.

“Is work too harsh for you?” Hyacinth wondered. 

“Let us know what is bothering you and we can fix it, Sophie.” Violet's warm and concerned tone disarmed whatever self-control Sophie had left.

“Sorry, it's just…” Sophie hadn’t felt such genuine love and kindness for as long as she could remember. Heck, she didn’t even have any memory to speak of. 

“You’re part of us, Sophie.” Kate pulled Sophie into a hug. Perhaps Kate understood Sophie the best. 

“You, Sophie, deserve love. I don’t know what Lady Penwood told you but if there’s one thing you deserve, it is love. The love of a parent, the love of a family and the love of a man who cherishes you deeply.” Violet’s heart for Sophie had only grown since the day Benedict first brought her home. 

“Mama’s right. You have us now. We’ll be your family. We’ll love you.” Daphne and her sisters couldn’t be happier to have a sister like Sophie. 

For her entire life, Sophie had done everything to earn the love she deserved. Perhaps what Sophie deserved was a love she didn’t ever need to work for. And that came in the form of the Bridgertons. 

[queerian]

in response to the call for discussion on stone identities

prompted by last week's stream with @drdemonprince and @testdevice

this post is about sex and it's very personal! feel free to ignore if very personal essays about sex from your internet friends or strangers is not your idea of a good time

What does sex look like for you, and what brings you the most pleasure or gratification from it?

It starts with a sensory warmup. My partner touches me gently and slowly in a way that wakes my body up to pleasure. I do not get aroused without either being touched this way or thinking about some extremely specific niche freak kink shit. I tend to be nonverbal during sex, unless I need to break "scene" and communicate something specific purposefully, but sometimes it's hard for me to find my words again. Even without speaking I am very expressive. My partner can tell from my reactions when an escalation would be enjoyable. They use their hands and toys. They are very good with their hands, and we have a LOT of toys and other paraphernalia. I had never had an orgasm, at all, in my life, til we did things this way. It is an intense physical pleasure extended to far longer than I can manage by myself during solo activities, sometimes for hours. It allows me to stop my over-analytical thinking brain for a while and sink into sensation and feeling and being in my body, which most of the time I feel disconnected from (thanks alexithymia!) or troubled by. I do think of it as a somewhat meditative state. This kind of sex is also extremely collaborative and intimate. There is a huge amount of trust and being "in tune" with each other.

Is your stone identity related to sensory issues, neurodivergence, or trauma?

All three! I was never coerced into sex by individual partners, but "sex positive" culture (if you were with me you'd see the face I make while doing the scare quotes) has been coercive enough to traumatize me into believing that I am a bad person if I don't "give as good as I get" and that I'm a terrible person if I don't want to reciprocate stimulation in sex. I've been working on this one for years. It still has its claws in me.

Sensory issues make certain sex activities unpleasant or not enjoyable for me, and I appreciate now being able to choose to not do them. For example open mouth kissing. I like kissing skin in some body places, I like having some of my body parts kissed, but I do not like sharing saliva or breath. I've always been very picky about what goes in my mouth for sensory reasons, and that's not just a sex thing. On the other hand, other kinds of sensory stimulation in sex can be extremely pleasurable for me. I also tend to keep my eyes closed the entire time (I avoid eye contact at the best of times but in sex it's uhhhhhh even more Too Intense) and this lets me sink into other sensory experiences more intensely.

The neurodivergence bit I think is pretty clear from everything else I've said in this piece of writing.

How did you figure out you were stone?

I once turned to aceness as a way of trying to validate myself at the same time as problematizing my own lack of "appropriate" desire. "It is it wrong of me to not want to touch someone's genitals, whatever they may be, to not want to get them off, to not even let them get themselves off using my body, and it's wrong of me to not desire them carnally, to not be obsessed with and fulfilled by them romantically. Thus, I must be ace and aro, because that means it's okay to not want all that sometimes or all the time."

I've come to call myself a "stone bottom" in a deliberate effort of self-acceptance and self-validation. I was long aware of the idea of a stone top, a touch-me-not, someone who derives pleasure and gratification from getting her/their partners off but does not want to be fucked or gotten off. I don't recall seeing anyone else identify as a stone bottom, but as a mirror image of a stone top it makes perfect sense to me: someone who derives pleasure and gratification from being gotten off, from being touched or fucked, but does not want to get their partners off. I think I've only ever seen that called "selfish" unless it was in a power exchange scenario and part of dominance and submission.

Are you a gay man who identifies as stone, or a stone bottom, or some other identity that's less often talked about?

I'm non-binary/agender and generally perceived by society as a woman. I have a vagina. I've only ever had sex with people who have penises. I feel like it's pretty unusual for me to be a person with a vagina having sex with a person who has a penis and the penis is not involved at all in the sex. With previous partners, it's not just that it was expected that at some point they would be sticking it in me, it's that I never got to opt out of someone else using me, even gently, lovingly, and with attention to my pleasure. See aforementioned cultural trauma, lol. Reciprocation simply was not something I could abstain from without being a Grade A Asshole. Back then, I didn't even "actively want to not reciprocate". I wanted to be "good, giving, and game", like Dan Savage wrote you should be in his column that I read in my hunger to know more about sex and be having it a "correct, right" way. I wasn't yearning to be a stone bottom. I didn't know that was even an option. I didn't know it was possible to be a pillow princess and to have a partner that enjoyed this kind of sex, for it not to be a chore or imposition on them, and for this kind of sex to be a mutual sharing of intimacy.

Plenty of people buck the stereotypical straight cis sex scenario of "man (penis haver) does a little "foreplay" for the woman (vagina haver) to get her ready for the main event (penis in vagina), which they do til he ejaculates, and if she's lucky he'll eat her out or rub her clit and she might also get an orgasm." There's a thriving counter-culture where "reciprocal sexual gratification" is emphasized, all sorts of books and guides and tips and porn showing how important it is that "she comes first" or whatever, but most of it still centres around the point that "reciprocity is essential to not being an asshole". If he's an asshole for not appropriately tending to her pleasure, surely she would be, too, for ignoring his. And I really, really strongly internalized the belief that if I am not reciprocating, I am an unforgivable asshole. There's something, too, about the lack of "balance" that has long made me feel morally incorrect. (Points again at the neurodivergence.)

Is it a struggle to get partners to respect it?

I have not dated much, and I have not fucked much, mostly because I did not want to do either of those things enough to do less interesting or more tiresome things in order to achieve sex or dating. I also rarely experience what I'll call "sufficiently motivating attraction". I currently identify as nebulously "somewhere" on the asexual and aromantic spectra, and this is inseparable from the stone bottom/pillow princess situation. All of this is also wrapped up in my one ongoing relationship with my partner. I honestly don't know how differently things would be with another partner. I suspect I have facets that come out in different contexts, in response to different people and my feelings about them. What I do know with confidence is that my partner respects me, understands me quite well, and we communicate openly and frequently about things. I trust that if they have an issue with the current situation, they'll bring it up and we can talk about it and work on things. I trust that every time we have sex, they're initiating because they want to just as I can decline if and when I want to. I particularly appreciate the fact that I don't have to be an object of desire. That they can enjoy making me feel good, and it's not about "having" me. The very fact that someone just wants to make me feel good, over and over again, is pretty mind-blowing.

[pluckyredhead]

Can you please say more about the Lanterns' politics?

I am so glad you asked me about this because I've been thinking about it since I reblogged that post but also I'm definitely about to get yelled at lol. ANYWAY THIS IS GOING TO BE LONG.

Tl;dr: John is the only one with a coherent political position or an up-to-date voter registration.

Hal:

So something interesting about Hal is that his stories are often very political but his character is not. With one extremely obvious exception, he rarely talks about politics; rather, he serves as a means through which to tell political stories, usually unintentionally.

What do I mean by that? Well, for example, in the Silver Age, his love interest would occasionally be possessed by a misandrist space jewel that would force her to attack him, but always lose because women are inherently inferior to men and prefer to be subjugated by them anyway. That's the original Star Sapphire concept. It's wildly misogynistic, but it doesn't mean Hal the character is misogynistic. But it's also a very political story, even if I don't think the writer was deliberately trying to make a point so much as...being an average, thoughtlessly sexist guy living in the 60s. (Carol continues to be the subject of mindbogglingly sexist writing and art well into the 2000s. Fucking comics.)

And so you have Hal Jordan, whose love life was ruined by his girlfriend getting promoted above him and who called his best friend by a racist nickname for decades; Hal Jordan, poster boy for chest-thumping post-9/11 kneejerk patriotism; Hal Jordan, lightning rod for a certain kind of regressive bigoted fanboyism. Choosing Hal as the Lantern for a particular story over John or Kyle has come to signify something very specific, but none of that is necessarily reflective of what Hal himself believes.

So what about Hal himself? Well, when we first meet him, he's the epitome of privilege: a white, straight, cis, Christian (I know he's canonically half-Jewish now but that's only as of the past decade or so), ablebodied, upper middle class (Geoff Johns retconned him to have a working class background, but in the Silver Age, he had one uncle who was a millionaire, another who was a judge, and a successful politician brother) man with a flashy job. Privilege tends to lean Republican; even if he is from California, I suspect Hal voted for Eisenhower in 1956.

In GL/GA, the word "Republican" isn't used to my recollection, but Hal is definitely presented as...I'm going to say conservative by I mean lower-case C. He doesn't have deeply held political beliefs, but he's traditional. He doesn't question the system, because he's never had to. He resists things that challenge the way he's always understood the world works, and that's very relatable - most people do! And he will absolutely argue with Ollie, who certainly isn't always right about everything. But he's also willing to listen, and have his mind changed, and certainly reachable via appeals to compassion and fairness.

Once the "relevance" trend of the late 60s-early 70s was over, Hal's stories default back to ostensibly politically neutral, although obviously nothing is actually politically neutral. In the late 80s and early 90s he's the most unpleasant version of himself, and that has political manifestations, like when he allows John to be imprisoned in apartheid South Africa for a ridiculous and unnecessary crime Hal himself committed. It's extremely fucked up, but again, it's less because of Hal's actual opinions and more because Christopher Priest wanted to write about apartheid, even if it does make Hal look incredibly, horrifically racist.

Then jump to the mid-2000s and Green Lantern: Rebirth, and you might imagine that losing his hometown, getting possessed by a giant space bug, becoming a supervillain, dying, and becoming the embodiment of God's vengeance might have some effect on Hal's politics, but that is not what Geoff Johns is here to write. Johns is writing a Hal who teleported in from, like, 1967 - no nuance allowed. He's a summer blockbuster that walks like a man. He's a Baja Blast. He's never had a coherent political thought in his life. In his defense, he has had more and goofier concussions than any superhero I can think of and his brain is smooth like an egg. Still.

Anyway, all of this is to say that I think Hal tends to default to center right positions but can be easily coaxed over to center left. That said, he has never not once in his life had his shit together enough to vote in a single election, not even for his own brother.

Guy:

So Guy's deal is a little bit complicated because his most vocally political era was also in part due to severe and personality-altering brain damage.

When Guy was originally introduced in the 1960s, he had the pleasantly bland personality of all superheroes. Many years later, he suffered a series of major injuries, torture, and a lengthy coma, and he emerged from the coma in 1985 with the aggressive, abrasive personality he's best known for today. Justice League International took that even further, using him to parody the jingoistic, red-blooded American action hero of the 80s.

This version of Guy is a vocal fan of Ronald Reagan and despises the USSR. He's pro-war, proudly xenophobic, and treats women badly enough that it crosses the line into repeated sexual harassment, both physical and verbal. (To be fair...ish, this last also applies to Wally West and arguably a number of other men, and was always played for laughs. It was gross all around.)

Again, this is partially a manifestation of his brain damage. There's also a running gag in JLI where if he gets hit on the head, his personality changes to this cloying, timid, gentle one, sort of halfway between a child and a flamboyant gay stereotype. Hit him again and he goes back to Asshole Guy. I'm not going to pretend I don't find some of the gags funny, but it's obviously all highly problematic, and not just from a medical standpoint.

That said, I don't think we can dismiss Guy's politics or his usual personality as simply a manifestation of brain damage. We see in later flashbacks that he developed the abrasiveness as a defense mechanism from growing up in an abusive home, and as he matures through the 90s, he doesn't actually become a significantly different person, even after his Vuldarian healing factor kicks in and heals his brain. (It's a thing.) I think it's more accurate to say that the brain damage probably affected his impulse control, his filter, and arguably even his paranoia levels.

All of which is to say that as much as I would love to go "Guy's better now, so he's not a Republican!"...that dog won't hunt. I think a really good canon writer could make the case that Guy is pro-union-style working class and also a former teacher so he's at least center left, but as of now canon evidence is pretty firmly on the red side. It doesn't help that the GLC has been written as fetishistically pro-cop and pro-military since Johns got his grubby hands all over it. I will happily ignore the New 52 retcon that Guy was a cop, and you could even try to argue that he dislikes cops because his brother was a corrupt cop who became a supervillain, but I think it's much more likely that he identifies with cops as a Corps member. Although I don't think he would have any patience for killer cops. ("You were afraid for your life even though you were the only one with a weapon? Then fucking quit, coward.")

All of that said, I think Guy is similar to Hal: defaults to center right, can be talked into center left on certain issues but he's more stubborn about it. (They would also both be enraged by Jan 6 and disgusted by the current Republican party - I can't quite argue that Guy Gardner is a Democrat but Green Lanterns don't have any patience for traitors or cowards.) It's also kind of a moot point because he never knows what is happening on Earth and hasn't voted since his pre-coma days.

John:

Oh John Stewart, thank god for you.

John was introduced as an explicitly political character in an explicitly political story. The first time we see him, he's stepping in to defend Black men from a white cop, citing his own knowledge of the law to do so. He shows a much more perceptive and informed perspective on the issue's main plot (a racist senator running for president) than Hal does. Even in the little moment above, we see that he's sensitive to exactly what it means for him, a Black man, to be taking on this role.

None of this is a surprise, since we'll later learn that John's parents were civil rights activists. Not only would he not have had the privilege Hal and Guy did to assume his existence was politically neutral, he was explicitly educated about political realities and progressive advocacy from childhood. He's well-informed, he's passionate, and he's going to tell you when you are being fucking stupid.

John isn't immune from the GL cop/military...thing, although I can't blame Johns for that - it was the cartoon that made him a Marine, and the comics followed suit. But that's never outweighed his origin or his upbringing. Like, he's friends with the DCU's fictional version of Nelson Mandela.

This one is straightforward: John is a staunch progressive. He is, however, in outer space 90% of the time, so he's always at least a little bit out of date. I imagine every time he comes back to Earth he spends the first 24 hours watching the news in abject horror.

Kyle:

Kyle doesn't talk about politics a lot, but when he does, he lands pretty much where you'd expect a young California-born artist living in New York City to land: to the left. My read on Kyle is that he hasn't really thought any of his politics through, which makes sense - he's a character who is led by emotion over reason every time. He doesn't have John's carefully thought-through arguments or knowledge of the law behind him. I feel like when something political upsets him, he's more likely to splutter angrily than make a coherent argument (which: same). When he's given the time to think things through and speak from the heart, though, he can be very eloquent, like in his speech to Terry after Terry accidentally comes out to him.

It's also worth pointing out that his solo appearances were mostly in the 90s, which were prone to avoiding politics or only addressing them in a halfhearted both sides-y way like the story above.

That said, I don't think he ever actually does anything about his political opinions. He never votes in midterm or primary elections, and probably only voted in a presidential one because Alex dragged him along one time. I feel like Donna tried to do the same when they were dating and that was when Kyle realized he'd forgotten to change his voter registration from California to New York. Jennie wasn't responsible enough to Mom him into doing his civic duty, and he's been in space pretty much nonstop ever since, so...

Simon:

In that other post, I said Simon's experiences should have radicalized him, but instead he was created by Geoff Johns. Simon is a Muslim, Lebanese-American man who came of age in the post-9/11 era, and was wrongfully convicted of terrorism and waterboarded at Guantanamo Bay. His reaction to this was...to put on a ski mask and wave a gun around. Like, it's been a while since I've read these issues, but aside from the "ripped from the headlines!!!" of it all, I feel like Simon's experiences largely don't inform his actions or perspective except that he's super angry (fair enough).

The thing about Simon (and Jessica) is that he hasn't been around very long, and most comics don't have characters directly expressing political opinions. It's not a coincidence that these characters are in chronological order and each write-up is shorter than the last. I can think of about three times where Kyle has ever said anything I can interpret as political, and he's been around for 30 years. Simon only has a third of that history. So while one could certainly extrapolate what Simon's opinions are likely to be, I can't think of any canon where he actually says them.

Jessica:

Jessica has even less to go on in terms of explicitly political comics. You'd think she wouldn't like guns because of what happened to her friends, but she has one of her own and doesn't seem bothered by Simon's. I'd imagine she has opinions on immigration as someone whose family is from Mexico and Honduras, but it never comes up. If I were writing for DC, I'd make both Simon and Jess leftists, but as for actual canon proof? I got nothing.

I will say that she probably avoids political discussions because anxiety, and I bet she got really good at voting by mail during her years not leaving the house. She probably votes by mail from space. Maybe John's not the only one with an up-to-date voter registration.

Kilowog:

[rederiswrites]

I think what bothers me when people say things like "I wouldn't be a good parent" or "I wouldn't know how to take care of a kid" or other variants is that it positions people who DO choose to be parents as somehow inherently more suited to parenthood. Which diminishes the brutal, life-changing work it takes to become a good parent. It's very much like telling an artist who spent years honing their craft, "oh, but I'm not talented like you." And like the people who say that, I don't think anyone has bad intentions. Just bad implications.

I am all for people who don't want kids not having kids. I don't think there's a damn thing wrong with being deliberately childless. In fact, as a parent I have far stronger feelings about only having kids if you truly want them than I ever did before I had kids. But I dunno. Just say that. "I wouldn't be a good parent" just sounds like a cover for what you really mean.

Whatever maternal instinct is, I'm not sure I had it. I just learned to do what my kids needed. I learned it, mostly, from books and the internet, like most of what I know. No little voice from my heart told me how to get the baby to stop screaming. I learned it, like anything else. And I'm certainly not "inherently suited" to parenthood. I'm not constitutionally gentle, or patient. I'm not as reliable as anyone would like. I'm certainly not "zen". I'm mostly just good at loving and communicating. I researched, and I practiced.

I think you can say you don't want kids without framing parents as a special class of people to whom parenting just comes easier.

[howlsofbloodhounds]

THANK YOU for pointing out that killer probably wouldn't be diagnosed with DID bc he was an adult when all the bullshit happened

As a system I am honestly kinda tired of people saying he has DID especially since alot of them can't even tell you what it means

Of course. I’ve heard from both singlets (people who aren’t systems) and systems both for and against the idea of Killer having DID/OSDD1/being a system/being plural, and as im not a system, im not gonna comment on or control how systems choose to interpret or headcanon Killer.

But I am of the belief that misinformation should avoid being spread—both of Killer’s canon (not only purely on the basis of not being true, but because if people start believing Killer is canonically a system/has DID/OSDD1 and also is a literal serial killer, that has an understandably bad rep but it may cause people to harass or spread rumors about rahafwabas that aren’t true), and of already misunderstood stigmatized disorders. It also has fantasy themes such as magic, souls, monsters, time travel, Resetting, coming back from the dead multiple times, etc.

Killer is a character involved in themes of heavy abuse (captivity, high control groups, kidnapping, labor trafficking, cult elements, organized crime, etc) and these are all elements that require nuance and care in depicting seriously and respectively—which can be hard to do while also having to keep in mind stigma surrounding the idea of “murderous” or “evil” alter(s)—because these types of abusive controlling environments very often require victims to partake in illegal or harmful acts and behaviors to survive. And this can also very easily to maladaptive coping mechanisms that aren’t easily understood or pretty.

So im of the opinion that if people want to write killer as if he is plural/system and aren’t one themselves, they should both do research and speak to any plurals/systems willing to help them out—and in the actual writing, avoid using terms associated with the actual disorders such as DID, OSDD1, alter, host, persecutor, etc.

Not only because 1. killer was an adult when the trauma and abuse happened, so therefore he’s unlikely to be professionally diagnosed with those disorders even if he shows symptoms and presentations similar to them, and 2. killer himself wouldn’t know what he has and wouldn’t use those terms in relation to himself and his experiences.

He is not in any position to seek diagnosis or treatment or support —under Nightmare and with Chara, he is surviving. He may have a chance of that with Color and the Chromatic Crew in the Omega Timeline, but again—unless this is deliberately an AU where all this trauma happened and stuff when he was an actual child—he likely wouldn’t be diagnosed with it.

So instead it’d be best to focus on his lived experiences regardless of what dissociative disorder one decides to write him with—and use the terms he applies to himself or ones he may apply to himself, such as his numbered hierarchical understanding of his SOUL and its Stages (either something he came up with to make sense of his own experiences, or something that was decided for him by external forces such as Chara or Nightmare.) and perhaps use words like “my stage(s),” “my other,” “my other half,” “when I’m like that,” etc.

And if the topic of Killer having DID ever comes up in the story, such as another character asking him or another Stage if he has it, dont feel the need to confirm it. Not only because Killer himself likely wouldn’t know, but also because he likely doesn’t exactly fit the full criteria for a diagnosis in a canon adjacent story where he was an adult when it all happened.

Of course that’s my opinion, not really important in the grand scheme of things—im not a system—but there it is. Systems, as always, can add and chime in as they wish—and correct any misinformation or misunderstanding if they want.

[leupagus]

There’s a lot of discourse in fandom about Sansa, Arya, and Cersei’s attitudes toward power and traditional femininity. I’m super curious to see what you think about Sansa and Cersei in particular, especially since we didn’t get a Cersei POV in Gale of Wolves. What does Cersei think of Sansa establishing power in her own right in the North? Does she still crave power for herself? I always thought that Cersei sees her sexuality as a tool or weapon but otherwise is pretty disdainful of women in general. She’s got internalized misogyny in spades.

In Sansa’s case— do you think she still dwells on what she learned from Cersei (either what she was told directly or lessons made indirectly)? I’m thinking about the battle of the black water in the books where Sansa thinks : when I am queen, I will make them love me; in a pretty stark (pun unintended) contrast to Cersei’s rule by fear. I see Sansa choosing to utilize her traditional femininity by wielding soft power that in turn becomes hard power. In your fic, she goes to each of her bannermen, she learns about them, she shows that she cares and probably uses a lot of court/ lady of the house skills she learned. Stannis doesn’t understand it at all, but Sansa has a stronger position in the North than he does anyway.

These are such great questions — I can say that the lack of Cersei POV in A Gale of Wolves was very deliberate, because she gets her own POV chapter in the next section of the story and I wanted her to be a little more opaque at this point. Because you're right, Cersei's going to have a LOT of feelings about Sansa getting control of the North while she's still just the Dowager Queen (even though in this story she's decidedly not going to the Sept's dungeons or enduring the Walk of Shame Atonement). Right now she's so convinced that Sansa murdered Joffrey that everything else kind of simmers under that, but I do think there's a certain degree of envy that Sansa can claim the North for herself and be unchallenged in that, when even her own daughter Myrcella will have some difficulties in laying claim to Casterly Rock (which will get resolved in the next section, but it's still not straightforward because Westeros And Essos Hate Women). There's also a lot of confusion there, because Cersei doesn't have a home the way Sansa does; she grew up in the Westerlands and lived most of her adult life in King's Landing, but what she craves is power and safety, not necessarily a home. So Sansa's motivations themselves are baffling — why fight for the North, a useless great vast nothing? Who could possibly love that place?

The note you make about Cersei using her sexuality is interesting, because I think that's prevalent in the books (I'm not sure since I haven't read them), but really not at all present in the show; in fact I think you can argue that Cersei's whole canonical path in the show is a slow stripping away of her "female-ness," which she hates so much — all that talk about how she should've been the man, how no one could tell her and Jaime apart when they were little, how her appearance and dress grows progressively more masculine. Which I always thought was interesting if you see it as a reaction to trauma: so much of what is done to her is because she's a woman, because she doesn't have power in her own right, and so she reaches for whatever simulacrum she can get. It doesn't work in the end, of course; it never does. But it's a nice dream.

I do agree that Cersei's a misogynist, but...so is everyone in this world, really. Even Dany, even Arya, even Sansa — the world of Westeros is predicated on the inferiority of women, and women themselves have to swim in that water even if they're swimming against the current.

As for Sansa, I think there's a LOT of fascination/repulsion when it comes to Cersei. One of the biggest mistakes the show ever made was never letting Arya or Sansa see Cersei one last time; sure, it's realistic that you don't get closure with your nemesis/abuser, but narratively it would've been so much more satisfying than crushing her with big rocks. Because Sansa's right, in the show where she says she learned a lot from Cersei; in many ways, Cersei was far more her mentor than Littlefinger ever was.

But you're right on the money in re: how Sansa rules, which is not the way a king would rule or the way the wife of a lord would rule, or the way any of the women in power she's met have ruled. It's not feminine so much as Sansa-esque; she is feminine, for sure, but I think a lot of what she does (both in my fic and on the show) is less about gender and more about thoughtfulness. I always think about the comment she makes to Royce about lining the new plate armor with leather when the southern soldiers wouldn't have thought about it, or how she makes Jon the exact replica of their father's cloak just from memory. Sansa is very, VERY good at noticing details and remembering them for later, however irrelevant. Having someone like that in charge of your kingdom is pretty handy.

I think one of the interesting things I'm going to do with the fic is explore some of the lessons that Cersei learns from Sansa — because she'll have time in this fic to see Sansa's method of rule working, and perhaps get enough intel to find out why it does, at least in part. And I don't think Cersei is foolish enough to pass that kind of opportunity up.

[utilitycaster]

What are your honest, unfiltered thoughts about everything going on currently with this “are the gods really good and necessary” line of thought the latest cr episode has been tackling, both in terms of your feelings on the subject in general and also how it’s being portrayed/discussed.

I don't agree with the idea of gods using mortals as batteries - I don't actually think we have any official canonical support that the prime deities (or, presumably, betrayer gods) do need worship to sustain them - but in terms of a conversation being had I don't actually mind it because the general attitude among Bells Hells and among Deanna and FRIDA is "does it really matter how important the gods are? Actively unleashing them seems like a cataclysmically bad idea." It's actually really interesting to me that this is the focus! A lot of D&D in which there are divine entities explores religion and faith in a scenario where the existence of gods is unquestionable. This is instead exploring whether it's legitimate to destroy something simply for not being important to you personally.

I'd also add that what Deanna is saying and how she's acting are not always in sync - which to be clear I believe to be a deliberate choice from Aabria in her portrayal. Like, I think it's obvious that Deanna has complicated feelings towards the Dawnfather, but that's the key - there are positive and negative feelings, and when she says "batteries" there is a symbiosis here, not a simple "they're using us and controlling us".

Just to give a brief overview of where I am personally coming from, like, IRL, philosophically: I'm Jewish, and my personal religious practice is heavily focused far more on what one does rather than what one believes, which I feel fits very well with Bells Hells. The Yom Kippur service, which one reads while fasting and spending a day in prayer, actively includes a reading (from Isaiah) that boils down to "It's cool that you're fasting right now but if, tomorrow, you go back to engaging actively in systems of oppression that you have the power to fight against, this was all meaningless and performative."

This covers two things I feel very strongly about religion and morality: First, actions speak way louder than words and religious observance should serve as a reminder of what you need to be doing during the rest of your life, ie, you can't show up at your place of worship with an attitude of "ok cool gonna cleanse my soul and then it's ALLLLLL fixed and I can go back to kicking puppies". Religious services, should you choose to attend them, are more about the meditative process of setting one's intent via symbolic rituals, but really, it matters way more that you are not a fucking dickhead in the rest of your life. And second, you, as a mortal finite being who is not a god have the power to throw off these systems of oppression, because in a world where divine entities step in constantly, we as mortals do simply become mindless puppets, and that would suck.

Which I should note also means that one's issues with an organized religion must be taken up with the mortal leaders of that institution. I mean, in our real world, if you are an atheist, I think that's a completely valid belief, but also, in the end, it does not matter if or if not there is any cosmic entity or higher power. If you're an edgy FACTS NOT FEELINGS neckbeard 4chan atheist bigot, or a hard-right evangelical bigot? the bigotry is what matters. The existence of deities is a moot point. What people are being shitty? How do you stop them? You are welcome to overlay religion if it helps or avoid it if it doesn't. Like, one last note re: Jewishness, which is that there's a parable that a guy once said "I will convert to Judaism if you can teach me the entire Torah while I stand on one foot," and the first rabbi he asks scoffs and sends him off, and the second tells him the golden rule ("that which is hateful to you, do not do unto your neighbor") and it's fucking great not just because it's a good moral principle, but because it also removes religion from the equation. If this guy were scamming you? You've given him some solid advice at no cost to yourself that requires no adherence to any religion. If he were in earnest? You met his conditions.

Another relevant way to put this: The oft-used but really good Brennan quote! " 'On the level of individuals and civilizations, personality predates ideology.' Meaning that before you were a fascist, you were a bully and an asshole." Replace fascist with hateful religious right-winger; it's not about god, it's about a system that lets you feel justified in hating other people for who they are or like you're getting a reward for not doing stuff you weren't interested in anyway.

So uh, getting back to CR, it's interesting in that it's managed to recreate the real-world argument in D&D. I happen to prefer stories in which characters are actively engaging with deities in a positive manner, as we've seen with say, Pike, or Vax, or Fjord, or Caduceus, or Jester, or Yasha. However, in the end, all the theological arguments are purely academic. The point is that no one's controlling the Vanguard - Tuldus's quarrel is with his abusive family, not their gods. Ludinus says he's mad the gods didn't step in to stop the Calamity...but in many ways the Calamity happened because the gods let the people have free rein. If the gods stop everything bad from happening, how far do they go? Sure, stop the Calamity. Do they stop every individual accidental death? Do they stop all wars? What happens if they slip up? Can they slip up? It's an inherently contradictory spiral if you start getting into this - are you saying the gods are perfect and infallible and choose not to use this, in which case, wouldn't that make them fallible? If the gods are actually powerful enough to constantly control you, why are you openly talking about their destruction and Kord hasn't vaporized you with a bolt from the blue?

And you can tell this because the only arguments that matter in the end are people like Orym and Ashton saying "I don't fucking know about the gods, but these guys are murdering innocents, which seems really bad." Like, sure, I'd like to see some more for lack of a better term traditional clerics or paladins pop up, or someone with a high religion score who can talk through the theology, but it's kind of nice to have a story where most people are like "I can take or leave the gods, but actively unleashing an even more powerful entity to kill them seems dumb and unnecessary" and I think that argument is ultimately more successful than a head-on discussion of the role of the gods.

[dancinginfreedom]

Today, I woke up feeling lethargic. My back and shoulder soring more than any other day that it did. But, I got up anyway. Went for my favorite mug in the kitchen, poured my usual morning hot karak into it. Rummaged through my plastic of groceries underneath my bed and found a pack of wafer to eat with my hot drink to welcome the morning. I reached for the book I’m reading these days, and just like that, I deliberately tried to start my day in a peaceful manner.

I was browsing instagram yesterday, and there was one particular reel that reminded me while clicking my loud keyboard at this very moment. It was about conventionally finding a reason to wake up each morning no matter how trivial it is. It was, in summary, finding your purpose each passing day. Today, it was freaking hard to do that especially with a back ache that screams “notice me, i need to be mended!”.

As I was slowly scanning my eyes through the words of the book in front of me telling “when you’re in an emotional state, empty your mind and take a break”, I unconsciously stopped and found myself staring blankly at the three-wick scented candle I lit at my bedside table while lying down on my stomach. Suddenly, everything felt so strange to me. Then, I knew, in that moment, I’ve never experienced this before….in a long while.

Afterwards, I just wanted to fall back to sleep even after having a full eight hours of sleep last night. I wanted to empty my mind and just give in to my desire of sleeping again despite not feeling sleepy. I was indeed in lethargy.

Yet, after that short peacefulness, my mind started to go full cycle at work again. I randomly wanted to write while my chaotic brain cells are somehow in sync with each other. I tried to save all these conceptual thoughts as much as I can that just kept flashing in a snap through my mind.

Just like that, in the rarity of all days, today was the day that my heart was at it again telling my brain “you’re still gonna achieve that dream to write your own book one day”. And unlike any other rare day, my brain agreed responding “I trust you, despite the chaos and messiness I bring to you every time you try to put all the floating thoughts in me altogether”.

I got out of bed, decided to take my shower to freshen up. And, here I am — typing a piece of my life story by sharing what my day looks like. Well, pretty much a day of choosing to first embrace my own emotional creases, without forcing myself to be positive nor to smile, bearing in mind the phrase “repressed emotions build up over time and would start to rot, blocking the way for all our feelings, even the positive ones”, from I’m Not Lazy, I’m on Energy Saving Mode.

It is better to release what you feel, deal with them head on than avoiding them by digging a hole to pile them up. Prevention is indeed better than cure. And when it comes to our emotional wellbeing, prevention might look like this:

“deal with me now, even recklessly is okay. it is better that way than not acting upon it at all”

Dealing with our emotions, fortunately, doesn’t need to be a grand gesture. It is making a space for a break — to feel and sit in with all that we feel. It is not even about understanding WHY nor figuring out WHERE they are coming from.

I do think that our emotions should not be left to harden and get swept to the side. Sometimes, just trying to understand our emotions AS THEY ARE without even knowing the answer, is THE ANSWER.

Stomach cramps just said “HI” to me while I’m trying to finish up this blogpost, unlocking the key why I’m feeling blue since last night and lethargic since this morning. Oh well, of course, I’m no exception to the hormones attack that every woman experiences whenever that period comes every month. And this makes me have the right to say…

ANSWERS do show up, from time to time, oddly most times, when we’re not even looking for them (ughh, but yeah, being a woman is so weird too, don’t you think? 🥺😬😅)

(this is the first ever post i’ve published on this platform after being on an unintentional hiatus for exactly a year and a half)

[transamorousnetwork]

How To Easily Create Any Amount Of Money

When what you’re about to read happened, I wasn’t excited about it. I wasn’t excited about it because it felt like it was meant to be. Abraham describes that feeling as “an of course”; Manifestations of this kind just feel like the next natural step of one’s life. That is, when one becomes a master of the Five Steps of Deliberate Creation.

Some transgender women and trans-attracted men may think that last sentence makes no sense. But clients are proving it highly accurate. So am I, which is why I write this blog for the trans community. I share these things to inspire community members to empower themselves. Empower themselves so they can create lives they love instead of ones in which they suffer, often alone.

What you’re about to read is really incredible. But it’s something that can happen in anyone’s life. Anyone willing to choose to see only positive things happening in the world. There’s great power in that simple choice. It can literally create anything we want: a lover, a better life, even more money.

Let’s take a look at this remarkable, but expected manifestation and how it happened.

A desire for more money

I took a pretty large position on a financial asset years ago. My Broader Perspective encouraged the act. The asset developers promised remarkable changes to the internet once they launched their technology. The financial asset backed their development expenses.

I liked what they planned. It perfectly dovetailed with a project I’m developing. So when I read about their plans, I got excited. I also knew my excitement told me something important. That’s why I took the position on the asset I did.

Fast forward to last month. The project I backed progressed so well, I wanted to support it more. Plus, I feel a knowing that this project will help many other high tech goals, thus increasing the asset’s value. So I wanted to increase my position by around 30 percent.

However, at the current market price, that 30 percent increase would cost around $2500. I didn’t want to spend $2500. I wanted to spend under $2000.

Talking with a spiritual peer of mine, I just tossed around stories about how cool it would be to see the asset’s price drop to where the new position I’d take would cost me something less than $2000.

Thoughts make financial markets move

The Universe is a hologram. We’ve all heard this analogy. Holograms, if you examine a small part of them, always reflect the whole. In the same way, the Universe, from top to bottom, reflects itself. Whether we’re looking at the whole thing, or a super-tiny portion of it, such as a trans or trans-attracted person’s life, principles by which the Universe functions hold steady. Rather than alluding to holograms, I prefer the term recursive. It’s a much better and easier-to-understand illustration of how the Universe is.

Since the Universe and its principles are recursive, I knew that financial markets and money must work the same way everything else in the Universe works. In other words, money and markets are subject to the same energetic forces making everything else work. We could assert then that money and markets are subject to stories we tell about them. That’s because our stories form all other parts of our experience.

What we believe and say about money and markets, therefore, is what makes money and markets work. This shouldn’t shock anyone. It’s easy to see, superficially, that this is what happens. When investors think optimistically, they tend to act in ways that push markets up. Their pessimistic thoughts do the opposite. Their beliefs, in other words, drive prices.

But can an individual make an entire market swing?

That brings me back to my intention.

I know what I’m doing

After talking with my friend, I very lightly focused on the idea of the asset price dropping; to the point where I could increase my position for less than two grand. I then set a notification in my app. I wanted it to alert me when that happened. Doing that, I avoided needing to check it all the time. It also allowed me to take my attention off the subject.

That’s a key element of creating reality or manifesting. Focusing too much on a desired manifestation can unintentionally cause us to focus on the opposite of what we’re wanting. When that happens, we amplify the absence of our desire, thus causing its absence to prolong. This explains why many trans women and trans-attracted men remain single. They don’t realize that in their attempts to find love, they use the process to create evidence that they can’t find it.

They don’t know what they’re doing in other words.

^^It’s important that we know what it is upon which we put our focus.

But I know what I’m doing.

So after setting that alert, I took my mind totally off what I wanted. Instead, I thought about other pleasing things, things that thrill me. Like going on bike rides, swimming laps in the community center pool and working out and reading good books for example.

What happened next surprised no one involved.

Moving the market through thought

Five days later, my alert triggered. Because I wasn’t thinking about it, the alert surprised me. My phone rested on the arm of a chair in which I sat watching a Netflix series. I saw my phone screen brighten through my peripheral vision.

^^The alert that came. It shows two days ago because I took the screen shot two days after, when I started writing this post.

I picked up my phone, opened the app and, sure enough, the price dropped…a lot. By Sunday, the price was exactly where I wanted it. Of course, I took the bigger position securing a 30 percent increase in my asset stake for less than $2000.

^^Arrow A. Looking at the market on this day with my spiritual peer, I intended a price drop so I could take deeper position on the asset. B. On this day, the prices started looking like they were trending in the right direction, but it wasn’t necessarily indicating a drop like I wanted. So I set the alert described above. C. By the time I looked at the alert, which I set for .00219, the price had dropped to around .00215, the perfect target to take my position.

Reality is subject to our focus

A lot is going on in the world. Intention, energetic focus and momentum drives all that. This is the basis of how the Universe works. Anyone, including a trans woman or trans-attracted man, can tap into it, then leverage it to create anything they want. In this way, everything becomes possible for such a person. Including love.

My clients are discovering this as I continue expanding my own abilities while sharing what I’m learning with them. As a result, they are finding what I find: that their reality is subject to their focus. Whatever they focus on, they therefore can achieve.

No wonder their family members are becoming clients too. That’s right. Client’s husbands, sisters, friends, in laws and more are becoming clients because of what they see in their relative. In other words, this practice works.

Nothing is off limits because everything in the Universe is subject to the same principles. The very principles we all control. And yet so many people don’t know they enjoy such power.

But I know. Which is why I’m realizing the Universe is at my command. Including financial markets. It’s so cool seeing that become my reality.

Addendum

One thing I’m speculating as I witness this unfolding: it seems being able to affect such results depends on one’s passions being aligned with the desired outcome. If one doesn’t feel passion for the subject area, I’m not sure they have the power to affect an outcome. I’m still working on whether this speculation is accurate. But it certainly seems so as I observe what I’m able to do and what my clients produce.

More on this as I progress.

[ledenews]

Santorine: I Hope I Add Value

I’ve taken to asking both myself and others, “Have I added value?” It’s not a rhetorical question. It’s “am I helping”? It’s me checking to make certain I’m spending my time in the best way possible. I’ve also learned to say, “Nothing to add,” which also means I have no value to add to the conversation or deliberation, and that’s just fine. Keeps my outsized ego in check and lets me actually be quiet. There’s a lot to learn when you’re not bloviating. You can watch and listen, pick up on subtle body language cues, and hear what the other person is saying. It’s important, too, or you wouldn’t be in front of the other person who’s putting themselves out there and sharing. I have sat through entire meetings and not said a word. It’s usually when someone with more experience in a given subject is adding their value. It’s great to watch. I’ve been running things, often successfully since a very young age. I was the tender age of 28 when I achieved my first “corner office” position. I’m 65 now. Those are just numbers, but the experience gained in those years means I can come off as condescending or a “know it all.” The only thing I know all about is how much I have to learn every day of my life. The depth and breadth of experience is important, but what counts is how you share both of those important items. It’s how you add value. I’m working hard at trying to be the Past President of my motorhome association. The operative word is PAST. I “signed up” for a two-year run (a pair of one-year terms), and the worst thing I personally received from COVID was four years at the helm and three cancelled conventions.  The current President lets me call her privately and prattle on, and it’s a relationship that works. It’s difficult for me to take a step back, and there, like in other parts of my life, I tend to be a polarizing figure. But I’m not running it. She is. I’m adding value, but in a more specific and precise way. Learning this is something that I find rewarding, and I’m thankful those in leadership positions at this particular association understand this and are helpful. They also call me out when I’m just running my mouth. It works. When I think about businesses, those that do a great job of adding value thrive. The opposite is true of those that don’t, and failure becomes imminent. With the end of the academic year coming up at colleges and universities around our nation, we witness an entire “industry” who have stopped providing value. They have started believing in their own bullshit, and their customers - their students and parents - the people paying the bill,  are not having any of it. Colleges and universities have stopped delivering the value they did in the past. That “value” has to do with price, but it also has to deal with quality. Those in the real world know that “quality” can be either objective or subjective. In academia, they just know they are doing it right because they are accredited. They are startled to find they have priced themselves out of the market (easy to get students loans are part of that problem), and the quality part of the value equation has been severely lacking for far too long. In a few handfuls of days, Johnny and Jane are going to graduate from high school. They will be standing there with a diploma in their hands, and a head full of dreams. If, for example, they choose to be educators, they can go the private school route for say $50,000 per year (a $200,000 education) or the public college or university route for say $18,000 per year (a $72,000 education). Either will get them the same job four years from now. The exact same job, and likely the exact same wages. If you’re leveraging the future to pay for today’s education, the value proposition is crystal clear - you’re going to the public institution. The private school will tell you how much “better” the quality of their education is, and they will cite accreditation, or cultural events that occur on campus. Those educators forget that while they may be part of determining the price, the value - the quality - is nearly completely determined by the consumer. In this case, the students and their benefactors are the buyers. Tomorrow’s educator that we, as society, want to employ has already made that evaluation. It is about dollars and cents. Today’s higher education professionals are just now getting this message. They are a group of very smart and educated folks who stopped understanding the value they deliver years ago. Because of this, their institutions will fail, putting themselves and every penny of capital every student has invested in their education at risk. No, it’s not “fair.” No government agency or program can – or will – fix this. Don’t believe your own hype, and, in the end, remember Reverend Jim Jones drank his own Kool-Aid. Endeavor to deliver what’s valuable to the other person, in conversation, in meetings, and for your chosen profession. It’s not the value you think you’re delivering. It’s not about you. It’s about them. I hope you’re adding value today. Read the full article

[thatwitchrevan]

Vent/ramble about suicidal ideation and like, toxic positivity I guess.

I have my feelings on the core premise of the whole 'suicide jokes etc are unhealthy and you should replace them with something else' thing but I feel that besides its surface failings it also doesn't really address like. Intrusive thoughts. And any level of ideation that isn't overly conscious and deliberate.

Like to be clear, if you hear someone making jokes about killing themself and your assumption is 'they could just choose not to do that and it would be healthier for them' you are an asshole. Because that's not how that works. No one's first choice for their life is to go around joking about throwing themself of a bridge all the time for fun or because they're not trying hard enough.

But anyway like. Intrusive and unwanted suicidal thoughts only get treated like a gotcha against the more lighthearted or casual jokes and stuff, like 'suicide is serious!! Some of us deal with the Bad Thoughts and you might deal with the Bad Thoughts too if you keep joking about it' and I know that you know they're already dealing with it. Ideation is ideation.

And this idea of trying to cleanse yourself of suicidal thoughts and jokes so you don't dig yourself deeper... Does nothing for the intrusive thoughts. I already try very hard not to make jokes like that because I AM very sensitive to it and you know what? My thoughts are still chock full of suicidal ideation right now. And those thoughts can't simply be redirected by some 'i want to kill god teehee' because they represent a deep running pain that can only accept immediate relief.

This is not a anti recovery post or belittling mental health strategies that don't work for me, but I do feel like this particular sentiment like... Really underestimates suicidal ideation somehow? And is really disrespectful to everyone, and is not as broadly helpful as it thinks it is. I know lots of people have benefited from replacing some of their suicidal thoughts and statements with something else, and that's incredible. But whenever I see this discourse there's this overtone that you Shouldn't be any other way ans you're doing depression Wrong if you indulge your ideation, because you totally have complete control over that, and you'd be so much better off if you didn't. It's patronizing.

Idk what the point of this is. Just don't tell people with depression how to think.

[by-kilian]

My Love, how are you?

I went through 5 stages of grief while reading STH ch12-14. At one point, I was very sacred for Killian and Levi.

That cunning bastard! I was so dumbfounded that he assumed it was Killian, based on calculations?? Levi was very right about the mission very dangerous!

Mathias you motherf**** you stab my girl!!

Me when I see Mathias:

And Erwin apologizing to Levi, I don’t how to describe the emotions I felt. We can’t just blame him even if we want to, it was a part of his job and even if he wanted to bail it, he doesn’t have the choice.

I was so happy to see Annie and Farlan back. And, I am very glad that Farlan is living well and didn’t held grudge against Killian.

My Killian:

I just want to hold her and tell you deserve everything. Lucas, Levi and Sofia being her whole world I😭

I know what she felt in her unconscious state. She wanted to escape from her reality, just like us when things get so overwhelmed. But we all have someone who care for us and they wait for us.

She really loves Levi 😭

When she was crawling towards to reach Levi, I couldn’t hold back anymore.

I don’t know if it was Mathias intention, he invited a woman named Sofia and the painting??? I am gonna kill the bastard 🔪🔪

Anyways, it was such an emotional, bit fearful, rollarcoster chapters. And, you really choose good songs that well matches with the vibe of the scene, the poetries you choose in the beginning chapters and how blend them in the chapters, hats off to you!!

And I’m very sad that STH is gonna end

Anyways, I will be eagerly waiting for the chapters. Take your time and plenty of rest.

Until then, take care!!!

Hi love, I'm well!

Lmao, I can only imagine the rollercoaster you went on having read so many chapters in one go!

Also yes, I know. I told you guys and so did every other character from the beginning that Mathias was dangerous. I hate that everyone only finally saw just how much now!

Honestly, I loved the apology Erwin gave to Levi! It's such a special and quiet scene. He never wanted to put them into this position but sometimes when you're @ your wits end, you don't know what else to do, and to your point, he felt like he didn't have a choice.

I was really happy to bring Farlan back, and honestly there would never be a need for him to hold a grudge. He's a big boy. It was a one-night stand. He'll live (and he did) lol. There's definitely more conversations to happen between the two of them, but it's been a long time since he last saw her. If he still held a grudge, he wouldn't even feel like his own character tbh.

And as far as Kilian's unconscious state, it's really less that she wanted to escape her reality, she was just dreaming! It's obviously a very powerful metaphor because to die in your dreams means to be born again or experience some kind of metamorphosis or rebirth, but she wasn't very aware of what was happening. She kind of had no choice but to not face reality since she was sleeping 🤣.

You're spot on when you say she loves Levi though. He is absolutely her weakness and tbh she is fine with that. She loves that man, DEEP. And trust me when I say it is returned.

Also I can absolutely clear the painting and Sofia up. The painting is intentional. Sofia is not. Mathias does not know details about Kilian's life like that, he followed her career and figured out who she was that way because as he stated himself, to bug and to dig information up on people takes away all the fun for him. 'Sofia' is merely just a coincidence that I wanted to drop in, and Kilian even notes that she reminds her of her Sophia in spirit. She's also the catalyst to get Levi and Kilian to spend one last time together by suggesting they dance. The painting was of course intentional since Mathias saw that Kilian had such an attachment to the story, but he did not deliberately invite someone named Sofia to mess with her. He's good at fucking with people's minds but he's not that good.

I'm so glad that you enjoyed the chapters though and thank you so much for sending me this lovely ask! Don't be sad that STH is going to end. As I said, all good things must come to an end but it doesn't always mean the end. There's always that way of the housewife AU I thought of with Kilian and Levi that I may do. You never know. ❤️

I hope you will take care as well, thanks so much for your kind words and words of encouragement. I appreciate you!! <3

[romanfucker]

The alpha series is genuinely mind-blowing, I've read both parts like 10 times already. Something about Mencken worrying a bit about his cardiovascular health got me soo!!!! Just something about him being so vulnerable with his obsession/love/lust for Roman and thus allowing us to see him vulnerable everywhere else. He's an old man! He thinks Roman is obviously beautiful! He buys Roman clothes! He has regular health check ups and regular health concerns for a man his age! It's all so argsgsgdhhdh idek where I'm going with this, but something about him being human, with the small glimpses of shame he can utilise, but still feels relative to his position, his base and his affair with Roman, when we usually only see him from Roman's view as an all-seeing, perfectly cool Patriarch-God is so tasty.

Also, I think Roman mentions in the first part that he's Menckens 2nd favourite thing (when he's trying to get his attention to tell him he's preggers) relative to the history docu, but in the second part, Mencken says that kissing Roman is his favourite act and I just think that sums it all up! Roman is fine with being number two, but obviously wants to be more. Mencken can admit to himself that Roman is his number one, but not actually say it to Roman, so they're constantly in an unbalanced system. Mencken knows what he is to Roman, what Roman is to him, but Roman only knows what Mencken is to him, not what he is to Mencken.

I need more mencken pov, you've given me a taste for it along with Canines and Of Hunger Deprived. Holy triumvirate of fics that allow us to see Jeryd as more than an object for Roman to project his desires and his idiosyncrasies onto (which I am completely cool with btw. I am always team objectify old men). He's a twisted man, but still a man with layers and I wanna bury myself in between them. Thank you so so so so soooooo much for your work. Priceless scholarship in the romencken school 🫡 this ask is a mess but *Roman noises* ok thanks bye 👍

hey!!!!! i'm sorry this took like a week to answer. i'm not being hyperbolic when i say this is my favorite ask i've ever recieved and i've read it like. probably 20+ times

so. fanfiction - especially horny fanfic - is just fanfiction, and i get that. but writing is something that is a huge part of my life + deeply rewarding hobby that i haven't been able to meaningfully participate in since this year, for a multitude of reasons.

(if you look at my a03 account - i published 3 fics in 2014/2015 and then nothing again until 2023. i wasn't writing under a different pseud or working on original stuff. aside from university assignments, i did not write for 9 years.)

so when i write my silly little stories, in which i choose my words/pacing/details very deliberately, and then people send me messages like this that show not only enjoyment but also active engagement and that they paid attention to my details and liked them - well.

it's just about enough to make a grown man cry!

alpha couple series on a03

[fionnaskyborn]

AFAIK, reblogs don't appear when someone searches for a term, word or specific tag, so I will do a bit of rambling.

A villain, by definition, is someone who chooses the courses of action to DELIBERATELY cause harm to someone or something, regardless of their justification.

I (unfortunately) don't have to say "imagine if" for this one, because there are people oit there who would classify dr Halsey as a villain. She is not, by definition, a villain. She is a person who did horrible things, yes, but she did them under the orders of a higher power, and she was in her late teens when she started working on the SPARTAN program. Teenagers are incredibly easy to manipulate (as many Halo fans would know, lmao), especially if the manipulator in question is a government body, and ESPECIALLY if the said government body is telling you that what you're doing is for the good of humanity and will therefore have no consequences whatsoever. (The said government body will then pin all the blame on you when the time comes to deliver a war criminal to the mob, but, as an ambitious teenager who seeks to improve human lives, there is no way you can have that kind of foresight.) I myself am guilty of having called Halsey a villain, but that was when the only things I knew about her were the crimes without the context. I'm not fond of her by any means to this day, but I understand the position she was in and can sympathize (if only a little) with her as a result.

Imagine if people started calling Thel a villain because he used to work under the Covenant and the prophets' rule. Now that'd be pretty stupid, right?

Would you believe that there are people out there that are very much willing to call a guy who achieved global nuclear disarmament (because fuck you, entire multiplayer campaigns, not just segments, have been a thing since the mid to late 00s, so a secret cutscene that is only unlocked via a multiplayer factor IS a part of the canon story - for Christ's sake, Peace Walker's canon ending is only unlocked after you complete twenty-five additional missions, I Checked, and I don't see people causing a ruckus over that!) a villain? A villain, on par with the likes of those who are willing to send the world into an endless cycle of war and despair? How is that a reasonable claim to make? Is Gabriel Ultrakill a villain for killing Minos because the COUNCIL told him to? Does EVERYONE have more media literacy than [REDACTED] fans??? Maybe. Or maybe I'm the fool. But I will stand by my words, because I don't believe I'm spouting nonsense.

"my period of retreat from the [REDACTED] fanbase is going extremely well and my soul has known peace for weeks! maybe now i can check to see if there's any new art out there, now that the chances of me seeing bad takes are drastically lower due to the process of weeding out good content!" - famous last words of a person who has FAR too much faith in humanity for her own good

[trophywifejimgordon]

“I mean,” Greg said, voice sullen, looking away to scratch at the armrest of the couch he lounged on so luxuriantly, “It’s, uh, kinda pointless to talk about this, anyway? Right? So I’m just not sure—like, why bother?”

Tom looked up, brow furrowed. “Excuse me, Greg?”

“Come on, dude. You’re not—I mean, I already know what you’re gonna say, far be it from me to tell Tom Wambsgans, head of, head of, like, ATN or whatever, what he is or is not going to do, but—fuck—you’re not going to leave her for me? I guess is the point? You’re not, dude. So I just don’t see what, uh, enjoyment you receive by putting me through the motions.”

“Won’t I.” Tom’s voice was dangerously flat. He peered at Greg like a snake, coiled up and prepared to strike. “Please, tell me more about what I will and will not do. No, go on, it’s enlightening! Let’s hear more from the prophetic Mr. Greg.”

Greg groaned, glancing briefly at Tom before ducking his head with a frustrated eye-roll. 

“Dude, I knew—are you really going to do this? I mean, come on, Tom! Like, like… who are you trying to kid, here? Shiv’s got all the, uh, the status, and the money, and the name… you’re never going to piss all that away on a Hirsch. You’re just not. So what’s there…” He blinked, wiping a rough hand over his runny face, “Like, what’s there to discuss, at the end of the day? Not a whole lot.”

He tried to force himself to snort out a laugh, but—surprise, surprise—it came out all wrong. 

“I mean, I even sort of get it? I don’t think I would, for instance, throw all that away on me, either, if the situation were reversed, so like, it’s fine, it’s, uh, understandable, I just—”

“You think that’s what it’s all about, Greg? The money?” Tom’s voice was very quiet. Greg threw his head like a dramatic horse.

“No, actually, but I kind of wish it was, dude! Okay? Is that what you want, Tom? No. If you couldn’t leave her because, like, she’s Siobhan Roy and she made your position, then that’s cool, I came here to get a job too, so y’know, I get that. But you’re actually like—I think you’re still in love with her, dude? No matter how bad she’s, like, treated you, no matter how much she thinks you’re dirt… you still want her. So, yeah, there’s just pretty much no way, at least that I can see, that you’re going to take the fucking, scoop of whipped cream over the pumpkin pie. ‘Cause that’s what I am, right? Like, you’d love to have both, that’s great! But if you had to choose… I mean, who’d take the whipped cream? You know?”

Greg Hirsch looked like just about the most miserable person ever to talk about whipped cream. Something had to be done about this. 

Tom walked very deliberately over to the couch and perched himself, neat and prim, on the armrest, just above the spot Greg couldn’t leave alone. He leaned down, tilting Greg’s chin up with firm, gentle fingers under his jaw so that he would have no choice but to meet Tom’s gaze. Thus assured of his attention, Tom spoke to Greg just as he held him: Firm. Intent. 

“I’ve always thought pie was vastly overrated.”

Greg’s miserable, wet-dog eyes searched Tom’s face for honesty, an old question (is it real?) not quite meeting his lips. In answer, Tom bent down even further, attempting, if possible, to draw out call and response in a kiss.

Greg’s reaction was delayed but invariably enthusiastic. Reservations put aside (Tom wasn’t stupid enough to think they’d been forgotten), he grabbed at Tom, every inch of him, with his special brand of frantic and virginal enthusiasm. Tom might have enjoyed that particular response more if it hadn’t managed to pull him off his careful perch, and, in a humiliating maneuver, heavy and face-first onto the couch, smashing Greg under his uncontrolled dive and pinning him under Tom’s full weight.

Talk about a boner killer. Or maybe just a boner, in the traditional sense of the word. Ho-hum. It was a wonder they ever managed to maintain a sexy atmosphere long enough to fuck, Tom thought as he brushed off Greg’s fumbled apologies and attempted to right them both in a more respectable arrangement. Then again, considering the way they both always seemed on the verge of humping each other like bunny rabbits at the slightest provocation, maybe the real miracle was that they ever managed not to. Even Tom had to admit that disparaging a pastry food wasn’t exactly the come-on of the century.

Seated upright, in the end, side by side, with his head snuggled cheekily to rest on Greg’s pointy shoulder, Tom sighed.

“You know… I do still love her, in my way.”

Greg deflated a little. Tom could feel it. 

“Yeah, dude?” he said with a gulp.

“Yeah. But… I think you’ve sold yourself a little short, buddy. You’re not just some topping. You’re… I mean, you’ve said it yourself, you’re your own dish! Like a cake. You’re,” and as he spoke, Tom rounded on Greg, giving in to the urge to ravage him with the sort of rapid-fire kisses Tom favored when he felt so much… well, when he felt so much that he couldn’t stand it. “A beautiful,” he kissed Greg’s cheek, “delicious,” Greg’s jaw, “three-tiered cake with a gorgeous icing job in my favorite flavor.” The final kiss, Tom leveled at Greg’s slightly-open mouth. Greg kissed back for a second before he caught his composure.

“Wait a second, I mean, wait—” Tom, though visibly disappointed, stopped peppering Greg with kisses long enough to pull back and regard him. “Okay, I know that I, uh, started it? But could we… could we maybe, like, put a pause on the, uh, baked goods themed metaphorical, uh, statements? For a second? Because I’m just a little, like, unclear…” Greg caught Tom’s frown and rushed to cover it. “Not that I don’t love it! I do, I just would also, possibly, like to know what you’re saying? Um, for the record?”

Tom cupped Greg’s cheek with a smile he couldn’t help. Fondness bubbled up within him, when he was with Greg. His cup floweth over, etc.

“Aw, sugar plum, I’m saying I love you. You’re not my… ‘other woman,’ Greg, I wouldn’t do this if I wasn’t serious. Hey.” Tom titled his head, searching Greg’s face, which seemed to have heated up under the praise and attention. “I’m not playing with you. I wouldn’t jerk you around. All that’s happened with Shiv… you know, it hurts, it does, but we’ve been death spiraling since our fucking wedding night. I don’t think… I don’t think she loves me, Greg. At least, not in a way that I recognize, so. So why stay? Why stay, when there’s nothing left for me, right? That’s how I see it, anyway.”

Greg was quiet for a beat. Then, “And… the money?”

Tom collapsed forward, burying his face in Greg’s chest with a defeated huff. Greg, apparently trying to either comfort or catch him but unsure what he was supposed to do with his hands in either case, danced uncertainly over Tom’s back for a moment before finally resting heavily on the swell of his hips.

“Oh, I’ll be flat broke,” Tom said into Greg’s shirt. “I signed a completely unconscionable prenup.”

“Not to worry,” Greg laughed, sliding into his role, “because, well, I don’t know if you know this, but I am actually quite rich?”

“Are you, now?” Tom said in mock surprise, twisting his neck awkwardly to look up at Greg’s face. “Why, Greg, this changes things! Do you think there’s room for one more, in your wealthy estate? I’d work for my keep. I can be quite…,” he mouthed at Greg’s throat again, keeping his gaze lasciviously, “useful.”

“Hmm…” Greg pretended to consider. “As, uh, excellent as that offer sounds? I’ve actually seen you do housework, and well… I guess you could say I’m just not convinced? Like, I guess my position is that a sexy maid is still, by definition, a maid, as it were. And I’m just not convinced that you have, like, qualifications in that regard?”

Tom gasped in mock betrayal. “You wound me, Greg. You really do.”

“So I guess, like, my counteroffer would be this: maybe we just get married? You could be, like, my trophy wife, dude.” Face immediately flushing a backtrack of came on too strong, Greg began to stutter, “I mean, obviously you’re a man, I didn’t mean—just—”

The needle scratched on their game. Tom looked up too suddenly, eyes too vulnerable; now it was his turn to not know if he should believe what he was hearing.

“Greg,” Tom cautioned. “Greg. Are you proposing to someone else’s husband?”

“Um, actually,” Greg said, face still red from his first attempt but nevertheless spurred on, “Actually, I think I’m proposing to mine?”

Sometimes, somehow, Tom was still blown away by Greg’s audacity. Suppressing a choke, a gasp, and a sob at once, he kissed his answer deep into Greg’s open mouth.