#(but i really do want the main focus to be mixed/wild seeds)

[nemesis-is-my-middle-name]

i’m not joking when i say i think you could do the entirety of “make sdv into a ghost town where the only inhabitants are you, the junimos, and the traveling merchant” with only cp and maybe some tmxl btw. i really do think it would be that simple.

[delicrieux]

☆ﾐ 𝚖𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚊𝚢 “𝚘𝚑”

PART 23: PRETTY BOY

emotions run wild when everyone is drunk and hardly coherent. quackity is always loud, but tonight is a full on assault on the senses (the ears, in particular). bretman simps for corpse too much for your liking. rae is happy for once. there’s a confession of love somewhere in there. sister james makes a very good impostor, but that’s old news, the real question is who gave you a knife? a new persona emerges that leaves the roaches quivering in their boots.

─── corpse husband x reader, a lil bit of everyone x reader (because she’s a queen) ─── soc. media + written fiction! ─── word count: a lil over 7k.

author’s note: it’s the way i can’t follow a fucking calendar for me. sorry guys, i swear to god i thought i had one more day before thursday . the idiot award goes to me and i accept it with pride. anyway, i was excited to write this for a while! quackity is in mexico, that’s why he drinks, too. my fic, my rules, he’s too funny not to include. im also working on an extra w dream and mr quack so look forward to that, too! hopefully u like this part ily xx and as always lmk wat u think!!

ultimate masterlist.  ҉  myso masterlist   ҉   previous. ҉   next.

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The outfit for today was picked with care and consideration. Hot, as always- you had forgotten your roots, your hoodie and sweats lay hidden in the bottom of your drawer never to be worn on stream again. You’ve changed. Clout really does that to people. Some viewers, naturally, find your hotness near insulting: how dare you rub your beauty in their faces, and so unabashedly, too?! If only you had a twinge of self-awareness, perhaps you would tone it down. But you don’t, and whether that’s by choice or not is the mystery the whole internet tries to solve (ARMY has been working diligently, and you admire their effort, though in the end their tireless labor brings no tangible results). 

You went from hot to hotter. In all truth, the fires eating away at California can be blamed on you. You carry this burden in stride, in your platform overpriced shoes some girl scammed you on Depop with, in your fishnets, in your skirt, in your corset, in your rings and necklaces and chains. You woke up today and chose violence. Decided your existence will be a plague to the rest of the populace, and meant it (that, maybe, you took inspiration from a certain faceless Youtuber that so happens to be your boyfriend or whatever). You feel powerful. Like you could step on the world and the world would let you. You decide that it’s the way it should always be. 

The smile on your lips informs of nothing good to your quaint, small audience of 40k. You change the lighting in your room from the soft cherry blossom pink to menacing violet. As fitting for a villain.

Perhaps California’s hellish sun has finally purged you of your bubbly, docile nature (arguably, you had never possessed it to begin with); perhaps it’s the forth mimosa you’re mixing as people slowly trickle into the lobby. Who knows?! Not you, definitely. What do all of those boring dead white European philosophers say? Embrace the unknown? Cheers, you’ll drink to that.

In stark contrast to your appearance, your room is a fucking mess. A war-zone of epic anime scale. Everything is scattered, well, everywhere. A perfect representation on what’s going on in your mind, always. You don’t like how people focus on your surroundings-- you’re the main attraction, hello? Are you not enough to sustain them? Must they beg for more?! Totally ungrateful. You shake your head in disappointment, as if a mother scolding her children. 

noooooo! mom pls forgive me i will never ask abt anything ever again T_T

yall looking at the room? lol couldnt be me

feels like im five and my mum just told me i cant eat a pretty rock i found on the pavement:(

You can’t contain your sly grin. Eyes twinkle with a purplish hue, appearing all the more menacing. You tricked them once again, oh how absolutely evil of you. In your blind delight you accidentally spill champagne on your lap.

“-Oop, fuck.” You snort.

why does she sound like goofy 

The scandalous drunk Among Us stream is about to start. You had been eerily silent through the greetings, and those that chose to approach you were met with a cold shoulder and minimal replies. All on purpose, of course. You wish to plant a seed of unease within them, and so far, it’s working. There are questions unanswered, jokes unsaid, Quackity unteased. It breaks your heart, but it must be done. You look into the camera, all vulnerable and devout, as if to say: I’m doing this for you, all for you.

pack it up yandere simulator

idk whats going on but i think im into it?

villain arc villain arc villain aRC VILLAIN ARC

“Hey, guys,” Corpse’s voices rings in your headphones, and not a blink later his astronaut appears in the lobby in a cloud of smoke, “Hi, Y/n.”

More sharp, excited hellos follow after. You merely hum, though give no further reply. As Corpse strays to your side, Charlie steps in in front of him, “BDA access only. You have a permit, bitch?”

“Y/n is being quiet-she’s being quiet, guys!” Quackity helpfully informs, as if the rest failed to notice your cryptic silence, “Don’t be sad Corpse, man, Corpse don’t be-she didn’t say shit to me either.”

“Y/n has decided to not waste her breath on the SDS.” Charlie voices, “And you know what? I actually agree with her for once.”

“SD-what now?” Dream questions.

“The Small Dick Society.” Charlie explains, noting Dream’s whine of protest, “Oh no, don’t give me that shit, weren’t you bitching about not being invited and not belonging to exclusive clubs? Congratulations, you’re finally part of one.”

“Wait!” Quackity interjects, “Am I part of it too?”

“Guess, Sherlock.”

“I’ll drink to that.” Corpse says. You nod to your audience, like he just spoke the God honest truth, and follow in his example. Your tentative sip unexpectedly turns into a greedy gulp, but you’re not complaining. The only slightly coherent thought that rings in your mind is drink tasty.

“Ignore them,” Rae chimes, “Y/n’s probably plotting something and using Charlie as a cover up.”

“I’d never.” The words slip past your lips before you can stop them.

“Well you sure are very quick to deny it.” You can hear her smirking, can hear the proud lilt in her voice, like she caught onto your silly little scheme, like she has you all figured out. Your eyes narrow dangerously. The night behind your window pools dark, with far away city lights glimmering before they, too, seem to dim. 

Your roommate is back on your shitlist. How her name was missed among the rest.

“I’m defending my honor.” You yelp, the playfulness back in your voice along with your sunny smile, “I can’t have my wifey slandering me online. At least do it in private, geez.”

If Rae’s such a good detective, you’ll give her a good chase. Perhaps you’ve been laying it on too thick. Made her too suspicious. She can’t out you yet--not when your plans are so grand, so fun. It would be a waste.

“Why weren’t you saying anything then?” Quackity questions.

“Do I need a reason not wanting to talk to you?” You shoot back. Your friends laugh and he tries to shriek something past their cackle. You lean back into your chair, the tension from Rae’s confrontation finally easing. You wink at the camera and bring a finger to your lips. The roaches swear to secrecy, elated by your wickedness. As appropriate, they spam devil emojis and various renditions of evil hohohos and hehehes. The apple truly does not fall far from the tree. You had raised them well. You raise your glass in solidarity. A few donations fall into your pocket, easily summed up as: make them suffer.

Muting the discord call, you give a single response, “Oh, I intend to.”

i hope this doesn’t awaken something in me

^already too late for me bro

As caught up in wreaking havoc among your viewers as you are, you miss Sykkuno’s entrance, though from what you can tell, Charlie gave a stern warning to back the fuck off to him, too. He’s playing into your plan so beautifully. Truly, you couldn’t do this without him. Back to stalking the chat you go.

Your eyes flicker to the game upon Bretman’s signature drawl and “Hi, daddy.”. You have no time to get offended at Corpse’s sweet “Hi, honey” back, because the next person to join the discord call and the lobby leaves you speechless. You knew, of course, you had been informed of the line-up, but still, you had never expected yourself to be so close to Jomes Chorles himself. You make a weird gesture with your hands, half wave half excited wiggle, as if you’re telling the audience to calm down, when, in fact, it is you that needs calming.

He goes saying his hello’s like doing a public service, name by name, before, lastly, uttering, “Hi, Miss Y/n. Loooove the vids.”

He’s a roach in disguise, who could’ve known?! Your audience is so diverse and unexpected, gosh, you’d shed a tear if the mascara wasn’t so expensive.

“Hi!” You reply with a grin, and it’s genuine this time, a glimmer of your old self, “Hi, I love your videos, too. It’s like, really cool to finally meet you.”

“Oh my God, you too!” Is his enthusiastic reply, “Okay, the energy in the studio today? Love it.”

“Is this all of us?” Quackity asks.

“Sadly.” James says with a note of disappointment.

“HEY!”

“Okay, guys!” Ash chimes, “Let’s do this! Proximity Among Us, round one, go go go!”

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Luck does not shine upon you during the first round- you are stuck as Crew Mate, your life cut short by Bretman who had the audacity to bite your head off. You’re positive Ke$ha wrote her hit single Cannibal about him, and if she didn’t, she definitely had a That’s So Raven moment and predicted it. It’s also insanely suspicious as after you are eliminated he sticks real close to Corpse, feigning innocence (and this is a controversial opinion you do not endorse) better than even you. It wounds your pride, having been picked off so casually, so quickly, and now stuck a ghost you roam the halls of the dying spaceship, lost, confused, heartbroken.

Charlie runs past you, not once even glancing in your direction. “Brother...” You mutter sadly, “Do you not see me here? Do you not feel... the loss of your twin’s heartbeat...?" Damn, these mimosas really are making you emotional. You sniffle and take a sip to calm the storm within you. No rage, just sadness. You are still processing your own tragic demise.

Suddenly, a meeting is called. There’s a horrible red X on your astronaut. You are the only one dead so far, and of course the rest won’t vote out the fucker. How bitterly you sit! With your arms crossed over your chest and your glare sharp enough to cut through glass. Fuck the sad shit, now you’re just angry. At the very least, the second Impostor could’ve given you some company!

“I knew something felt off.” Charlie is first to speak.

“Who the fuck killed Y/n?” Corpse questions, and his voice ignites a whole discussion that lasts much too short. The others skip, having no suspect yet. It’s much too soon to start pointing fingers, but you still feel like they should have at least tried. Pouting, you fix yourself another drink.

“Stop drinking!?” You gasp, exasperated at your chats demands, “I’m dead! What else should I do, the tasks?! Nah, fuck that. I’m done. I’m out. Charlie better employ his fucking detective skills because if the Impostors win, I will literally quit the game--yes I will, no I’m not bullshitting, fucking watch me.”

Thankfully, Bretman was caught venting, and you didn’t have to end the stream prematurely. The second Impostor, your roommate (oh, the betrayal, Rae, how could you?!) was voted out due to Corpse’s suspicion. Victory to the Crew Mates! The game restarts and you find yourself back in the lobby.

“Miss Y/n,” Bretman says, “I am sooo sorry for killing you first, baby. It was just too easy. I couldn’t pass it up.”

Giggling, Quackity chimes, “Sister slaughtered.”

“Oh my God,” James groans, “shut up!”

“Yeah, Y/n.” Charlie speaks, and there’s an accusatory note in his calm voice, “Why the fuck did you allow yourself to be eliminated first? Real noob shit, I expected more of you.”

“HUH?!” You frown, “What’s with the victim blaming?! I literally was doing my task and Bretman snuck up on me. It’s not like I had a weapon to defend myself!”

“You have been avenged,” Corpse states, “and that’s all that matters.”

“Thank you, Corpse!” You say, “At least someone cares.”

“Hey, I helped, too!” Dream pipes up.

“No, you didn’t.” Corpse shoots him down, “I was the only one.”

“You were not--”

“Literally was. Isn’t that right, Sykkuno?”

“Uhhhh-” Sykkuno trails off, “Well, we-we all helped!” You can hear his shy smile, and you just know he’s bobbing his head up and down at this exact moment, “We all helped. Team work!”

“Team work!” The rest echo, save for yourself, Corpse, Charlie, and the two Impostors. Silence speaks more than a thousand words or whatever. You pray to any higher power willing to listen to finally assign you the role of the villain, the one you were born to do. 

Sadly, higher powers must have either shitty customer service or are in need of hearing aids, and you almost scream in frustration when your astronaut appears along with the others, the bold CREW MATE title chipping away at your master plan.

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“Hey, Y/n, hey! Hey, Y/n!” Rae finds you in Cafeteria, where you, metaphorically, are eating your feelings. Not that she needs to know, of course. She sounds chipper, a bit ditsy, and that must mean she’s sufficiently tipsy. You store that information for later, and forget about it as soon as you notice Dream and Sykkuno, like her very own personal bodyguards, trailing after her, “Wanna play a game?!”

“Is this Saw?” You inquire, somewhat lazy. You’d be lying if you said the alcohol wasn’t affecting you, it’s just instead of making you bubbly, it makes you mellow. This was supposed to be fun, you were supposed to terrorize everyone and laugh as they perished by your hand, yet here you are, wallowing in self-pity. The roaches start worrying. The donation jingle chimes.

BEATINGS & SLUTATIONS yns_fishnets donated 5$ mom just wait it out & dont worry youll get your vengeance soon lead them on!!!!

Your fishnets have a point! 

“Saw?--No, no, haa, no it’s a drinking game.” Dream sounds like he has had one too many rounds of this mysterious game, and naturally, you are intrigued.

“Where we drink!” Sykkuno clarifies. Right, well that explains everything! If you had any questions, you surely have none now.

“Okay, so, name a category, and you have to, like, say a word associated with it...Or something along those lines.” You hadn’t even agreed and Rae is explaining the rules already. She knows you too well. It’s both a blessing and a curse, “Can be anything! Okay, Y/n, Y/n, Y/n start!”

“Uhh--” If only your brain computed as fast as she spoke! “Song lyrics! Wait--who drinks?”

“You fail, you drink!” She hurries, “Choke me like you hate me but you love meeeeee. Syk, go, go go!”

“Uhm, ah, I don’t wanna feel like this, uh, fuck?” He laughs--it’s a raspy, embarrassed little sound, “I don’t...wanna look like this? Dream, now you!”

“Wait, we’re singing Corpse’s songs?”

“Any song!” You urge him quickly, “Hurry! Or drink!”

“She say I kill her cat like I'm Luka Magnotta--”

“Hey! That’s cheating! You can’t use my song!” Rae protest.

“That wasn’t in the rules!” He counters.

“Y/n! Time’s running out!” Sykkuno exclaims.

“Oh, uh, will-will the real Slim Shady please stand up!”

NOT EMINEM WHAT THE FUCK

MOOOM WHT THE HELL THIS ISNT 2008 T_T

“Ra-Ra-Rasputin, Russia’s greatest love machine--”

“All...All the other kids with the pumped up kicks better, uhh, run better run, faster...-faster than my gun?”

“Uhh, shit--fucking hell.” Dream laughs, and Rae practically screams at him to keep going, “Alright! Okay! I’m singing--uh, you’re so golden, na na na na?”

“I tell you what a woman loves most,” You chime gleefully, “it’s a man who can slap but can also stroke.”

finally, the mother mother representation we’ve all been waiting for

i aint exactly gay but i aint exactly not gay >:)

the bis won

“I steal a few breeeeaaaths from the woooorld for a minute--”

“Mitski?!” You question, eyes bulging, “Baby, who hurt you?”

Even if you can’t see her, you know she’s waving her arms around and shaking her head, “Not the point! Sykkuno!”

“Uh, I-I, uhm, I don’t--”

“Drinnnnk!” You all chorus. 

“It was a good concert,” You say, “Syk, I’ll drink with you.”

“Thank you, Y/n. That’s very kind of you.” He says softly, with a smile lining his lips. You grin.

“Oh, fine. Everyone, bottoms up!” Rae decides, and no one protest. A moment of silence passes, then, “Well, GG, GG, let’s do some tasks?”

Your enthusiastic Ariana Grande-esque “yuh” is cut short by the second meeting of game two being called. The first one to go had been Ash, voted out during a bathroom break as a joke, and you still feel a bit bad about that. Now, you notice Charlie has been eliminated. A sense of righteousness fills you--while you mourn for your brother from another mother and father and family tree, you feel like this is divine punishment for slandering you before the start of this round. Karma. Nothing much is discussed, and the meeting ends shortly with everyone skipping. 

You spend a good ten minutes wandering around with Dream, who’s mission appears to be convincing you to join his Minecraft server, and really, there was no need for him to try so hard. You failed to provide him with a concrete answer only because it would've been to humiliating to admit that you agreed instantly upon hearing the word Minecraft.

That’s when things get fucking weird. Another meeting is called whilst you’re in the middle of fixing lights, and once the board with the members appears you audibly gasp. There had been 8 living, breathing astronauts rushing around the map, and now only 4 remain. You, Corpse, James, and Alex. 

“What the fuck--what the fuck?!” You screech alarmed, noting Dream being among the perished crew, “I was just with Dream fixing the lights, I was just with him, what the fuck--”

“Okay, no one panic.” James says, “Let’s figure this out. Okay? Okay. Who else is close to Electrical?”

“I’m at Nav.” Quackity says.

“I’m at Cafeteria, but Y/n--” Corpse starts, “kinda weird that Dream died when you were with him?”

“I didn’t fucking kill him, I swear to God, Corpse, why are you accusing me?”

“Don’t be so defensive.” He says smoothly, “I’m just pointing out the obvious. We all have a reason to be sus, no? Considering you were right with him.”

“...It is suspicious.” James agrees, and a part of you dies inside. You understand their hesitance to trust you, but it doesn’t make it any less frustrating!

“Guys, I didn’t kill him, I swear. He invited me to play Minecraft, I wouldn’t do that to him, not after that!”

Corpse merely hums, and it brings no comfort what’s so ever. The situation is spiraling, and not in your favor. Trying to salvage your chances at freedom, you try again, “Wh-James, James, you called the meeting, right?”

“Yeah, I found Rae’s body near Medical.”

“So I couldn’t have killed her and Dream at the same time!” You latch onto that piece of information, hoping it will save you.

“You could’ve vented.” Corpse points out, “Plus, there’s no telling how old the body is.”

“Killing five fucking people? It’s the work of one person, or else the game would have already ended. As it stands, I am no way sober enough to think all of this out.”

A brief silence hangs in the air; your lungs constrict from tension, from spilling words so hotly. You grasp your glass, as if for emphasis, and take a shy sip. It taste sweet, a bit too sweet for your liking. Must be your nerves. You drink again to wash the taste out of your mouth, which, surprisingly, doesn’t work. You whine a little, stomping your feet like a child about to throw a temper tantrum.

“...I believe her.” Quackity says. You breathe out a sigh of relief.

“Alex, thank youuuuuu!” You gush, batting your lashes as if he could somehow see you and that would somehow portray your innocence, “I knew I liked you for a reason!”

He mutes his mic, his spill of words lost to your ears, but chat helpfully informs that he’s screaming because you don’t hate him. 

y/n out here collecting men like pokemon cards

Now all that’s left is to convince the others. You start with the one you know will work, “Corpse,” You address him in your sweetest voice.

“Y/n,” James warns, “don’t you dare--”

“Baby, I didn’t kill anyone, I’m crew mate, you gotta believe me.”

“She's innocent.” Corpse declare, thoroughly convinced.

“Oh my fucking God, you fucking simp!” James laughs, “She’s obviously manipulating you!”

“No, no, she isn’t. She’s innocent, I agree with Quackity. Now, it’s either you or him.”

“Could be you for all we know!” Alex accuses.

“Guys, time’s running out.” You mutter fretfully, noting the seconds tick by from white to red. 

“I’m voting Alex.” Corpse says.

“What?! Fucking traitor! Fine, I’m voting for you.” Alex hisses.

“Ugh, hate agreeing with Quackity, but I’m also voting Corpse. Sorry, hon, nothing personal.” James says. The VOTED icons pop up beside their characters and you panic, pressing your mouse idly but it’s too late, there wasn’t enough time, and you cry as Corpse is thrown into lava. The chat spams F, and it feels like salt on a fresh wound.

In a second you’re back in Cafeteria, shell-shocked and trembling, and Quackity cusses because the Impostor is still among you. His frustration doesn’t last long as you watch in horror as Jams Chortles, beauty guru supreme, murders the only other crew mate in cold blood and all you can do is gape and let his cheerful laughter fill your ears. The screen bleeds red, informing of Impostor victory, the second one being Ash. Looks like you voted her off for the right reason, but little difference did it make.

“Corpse!” You yell past the cacophony of voices, all in varying forms of excitement or anger, beelining for his in-game figure, “Corpse, I’m so sorry, I panicked, I tried pressing the button but I wasn’t quick enough--”

“It’s alright, baby. Don’t worry about it.” He’s so calming, so gentle, you might burst into tears again. What did you do to deserve him? You wish he was with you so you could smother him in a hug. Alas, all you can do now is say “I kith you, mwah!” and rush to the other side of the lobby, as if to hide from such a bold display of affection, even if it was a joke (it wasn’t).

yall say corpse simps for y/n but the reality is y/n simps for corpse harder

queen stop its embarrassing

bhaddies can simp!! i wouldnt but its her choice <3

More deliberations, commentary, and short breaks. Once everyone has returned, the countdown starts. You’re still reeling from the chaos of emotions, the five stages of grief you experienced in 1 second upon Corpse’s unjust demise, that it takes you a moment, a single heartbeat to realize what you’re seeing on screen.

The letters IMPOSTOR hang above your astronaut, with Dream standing just behind you as your newly appointed partner in crime. And suddenly, all the sadness and the tenderness and sympathy vanish with a curt exhale. You slowly turn your head to the chat, muting the Discord call, your soft chuckle of disbelief turning into a full blown laugh.

it’s happening!!!! 

omg omg omg omg

VILLAIN ARC VILLAIN ARC VILLAIN ARC

You slap your palm over your lips, trying to contain your wicked smile, to tone down your broken giggles, “N-No, I can’t laugh yet,” shaking your head softly, you look into the camera, “they’re all going to die.”

pack it up light yagami

this has awoken something in me.

^ same

The crew mates go their own ways, rushing to do their tasks like the diligent little workers they are. How adorable. Their grim fate is still miles away from them. The shit you’ll pull will be for the history books. Much like your outfit, which you picked keeping in mind your newfound thirst for blood, you had devised your plan of action with care and consideration. You had been mulling it over all day, drawing on paper like the absolute madwoman you are; hell, you even made sticky notes on who to go for first and what to say. Sure, being moderately drunk hinders your memory slightly (an understatement of the century), but you got a feel for what you’re going to do. It’s nothing short of evil.

Dream and you don’t exchange words, you merely nod at him-- which he, of course, can’t see-- but your criminal bond enables telepathic communication. You can hear his thoughts, ones that strangely sound like drink drink, drink drink. And really, who are you to refuse such an enticing offer?! As he fucks off to stalk his victims, or play pretend, you take a sip. The cocktail is still sweet, but this time it’s not the icky sweet you had tasted prior. You glance at your sticky notes, ones the roaches can’t see, and nearly spill your drink for the second time today as you jerk.

“Fuck!” You exclaim, shoving your headphones off and spinning in your chair. You hastily stand up, wobble -- the world is pleasantly funny right about now -- and giggle. Stepping past the mountains of abandoned clothes and pillows and blankets and anime plushies, you maneuver your way to your bedside table and yank it open, nearly taking out the whole drawer with you. In the mess of old diaries and bad drawings, pencils, jewelry, and stickers, you fish out something you should not be wielding in your inebriated state.

It’s a knife.

In midst of teenage angst you had ordered it off of Amazon with your mom’s credit card, all the while whining that it’s not a phase, mom, and it’s what all of my cool kid friends with fried hair have, and don’t you want me to fit in, don’t you want your daughter to be happy?! You think it’s about that time, the time of too much uneven eyeliner and black eye shadow, that she took to calling you little raccoon. Trash rabbit was your personal favorite, but she used it sparingly. When you presented your Macy’s outfit, holding up a fucking butterfly knife, to your dad, asking if it was a look, he glanced up from some boring business magazine all boring business dads read and said, with a bright smile might you add, “It’s a something!”.

Oh, how it gleams in the lilac light. You used to do tricks with it, back in eight grade maybe, and--what the fuck? Why did you parents allow you to buy it in the first place? Well, because you’re the only child, the only one important, of course they got it for you and clapped enthusiastically at your performances, because why wouldn’t they? The whining they’d face otherwise would’ve been harder to endure than a whole dance number to Panic! At The Disco’s greatest hits. Broadway looked so fucking shabby in comparison. Your mom said so, so it must be true.

Stumbling back to your extremely confused viewers, you take your seat, feeling a bit more grounded now that you’re not standing on your platform shoes anymore. Putting on your headphones, you grin at the chat that starts swimming, and not from too much drinking either. You do a quick flick of your wrist, one that thankfully doesn’t end in injury, and the sharp tip of the exposed knife points upwards, glimmering. It’s a rainbow colored one, because one, it’s pretty, and two, you weren’t hardcore enough for the jet-black or straight up military ones the other emo kids had. Cute and dangerous, just like you.

So you just sit there, holding it up, looking somewhat sly as the roaches capture this momentous moment with screen-caps. Someone definitely clipped you trudging past the obstacle course to obtain a weapon of mass destruction. You must be already trending on Twitter, though you can’t exactly log on and confirm your suspicions. You just feel like you might be, like you should be, because your audience wouldn’t let this slide. Thankfully, your friends don’t have time to check social media, or you’d be outed in an instant.

“Y/n?” Your roommates voice booms from your headphones, and you perk up with a stupid realization that you completely forgot about Among Us. Stuck at the start, at the lobby where Dream had left you, you see her astronaut waddling to you, “What are you doing here? Wait--Have you not moved from the beginning?” She can barely finish the sentence without giggling. 

You grin, “I was looking for something.”

Your voice is soft, too calm for your usual frantic spill. You gently set the knife down, hand coming to rest on your mouse, fingers idly, slowly, bouncing on the buttons.

“...What were you looking for?” She’s none the wiser, the numerous drinks consumed tonight numbing her sharp mind. She would have noticed. Your eerie composure would’ve given it away in a heartbeat, or at least hinted at something being objectively wrong. But she sounds curious. Poor girl, hasn’t she heard? Curiosity killed the cat.

“A knife.”

“A knife?!” There’s something about her tone that implies a mental clicking, the puzzle pieces falling together, “You have a knife?!”

“Yes.”

“No!”

You think it would only be appropriate that the random sequence of killing animations renders the backstabbing one. You grin, biting your lower lip with a quiet snicker.

i love women

if evil bad...why seggy?

You take your time leaving her there -- in true serial-killer-to-be fashion, you stick around for a bit longer, admiring your handiwork, or more like the chat singing your praises. You joined today with the intent of making an interesting stream. You have no doubt in your mind that now it will be legendary.

You move down the hallway, and you let your imagination wander: you can almost feel the stuffy air of your helmet, can almost hear your loud footsteps echoing in all this hush, can almost see your reflection in the spotless tile floor. It’s not long before your second victim makes an appearance, running circles in Cafeteria. You hear his voice first before you see him, recognizing Alex by his unhinged screech of “Let’s go, let’s go, let’s goooo!” 

“And what’s got you so excited?” How cool and collected you are, gosh, you barely contain the quiver of excitement that threatens to slip out. 

“Y/n!” He exclaims, rushing to your side like a lost puppy--he’s really making this easy for you, he’s not even trying, “You just missed--Oh my fucking God, you just missed James, he-he called me tall, he called me fucking tall! Let’s go, let’s gooooo!”

“Well, you are tall, aren’t you?” You chime sweetly, almost as sweet as the drink that lingers on the tip of your tongue, “Real 6′3 energy, no?”

“Yes, yes, exactly! You get it, you fucking get it--” Once again, his mic goes mute, and you glance at the chat for help.

hard to transcribe what hes saying but hes taking shots and yelling that he loves you good job mom

hey, queen! girl, you have done it again, constantly raising the bar for us all and doing it flawlessly

mom plz dont kill alex hes too cute hes all uwu rn

Oh, how you’re about to break his poor little heart. If you had any good left in you, you’d spare him. You don’t, and you’re not taking requests at the moment, so all you do is smile at your chat and they know. They just do. Hive-mind shit, you’re all two-faced little fuckers.

You giggle, and it sounds a tad fake, “You’re so weird, Alex,” You start, and he’s back in the call, a sound of confusion echoing in your ears, “but I get it, you know. You’re weird. You’re a weirdo. You don’t fit it, and you don’t want to fit in. I mean, really, has anyone even seen you without your stupid hat?”

“...Do--” He sputters, bellowing a laugh, “Do you have that whole fucking monologue memorized?!”

“Is it because you’re bald?”

“I’m not fucking bald!” His giddiness is quickly replaced by anger.

You hum, pretend to think, lastly barking a “Liar.” before you kill him. His scream is cut off, leaving only deafening silence at it’s wake. Unlike with Rae, you don’t stick around. You didn’t appreciate how little he enjoyed your recital.

You run into James near Navigation, most likely on his way to Cafeteria. He ends his song mid-note, and you breathe a sigh of relief, “Finally! Someone! I’ve been looking all over, where the hell is everyone?” You question, blocking his way, lest he accidentally stumbles onto the crime scene and easily pins it on you. You’re not done yet.

“Honestly? No clue. I’m searching for them myself, like, everyone’s scattered. I hope no one died.”

You smile. You tried not to, but you can’t contain it, “Me, too.” You echo the sentiment, urging him to join you, and he does. Too trusting. Everyone in this game is too fucking trusting. You lead him back to Nav, feigning that you have a task here. As you pretend to move the spaceship, you can’t help but ask, “Hey, James?”

“Yeah?”

“What’s your favorite scary movie?”

A beat of silence passes, “Oh no, fuck that, I don’t like this at all.” He states, about to spin on his heel and bolt like he should do, but you’re quicker-- killer instincts and all-- and he’s dead before he makes it out the doorway.

“See, after your No More Lies video, I figured you’d only tell the truth.” Yes, this is the part of the anime where the villain monologues, only the hero in this case is an astronaut cut in half, and not exactly alive to listen to you. You hope James’ ghost sticks around, “Case in point, why the fuck did you tell Quackity he’s tall?” You eye the chat, which’s mostly spamming W and comparing you to Ryo from Devilman Crybaby. “Such a shame...” You murmur, pressing the REPORT button.

“What?! How are so many people dead?!” Ash gasps, her kind voice tinted with fear and confusion. Your three kills, like military stars on an uniform of a distinguished officer, are displayed on the board. Dream appears to be slacking, having yet to take a life.

“Someone’s been real fucking busy.” Charlie observes. It’s true, you have been.

“I found James in Nav, but holy shit--�� You begin, exasperated, “--what the fuck, guys, how did we miss this shit? Where is everyone?”

“I’m at Electrical.” Corpse voices.

“And I’m with Corpse.” One sentence is all it takes to figure out your next target: Bretman. Revenge for being killed first in the first goddamn round, and for spending so much time with your boyfriend.

Eep!!! Boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend!!! The word even makes you forget your thirst for blood, that’s how whipped you are. Sadly, it’s time to return to reality, to this grave situation.

“And what have the two of you been conspiring?” You keep your tone level, but that alone is enough to set everyone off. The unease you had planted within them before the game started is starting to bloom. However, if they suspect you, they don’t speak up, not yet.

“Fishnets, mostly.” Corpse says.

only partly a lie he was mostly talking abt u queen <3

corpse simping for y/n is the sweetest thing ever

the times corpse used y/ns name when talking abt y/n: 1. the times he used baby or my baby: infinite

“I’m wearing them right nyoooow.” Bretman drawls.

You hum, “What a coincidence. I am, too.”

“Wait--For real?” That seems to catch Corpse’s attention, because of course it does, you picked them with him in mind, after all.

“No peeping.” You tsk, obviously referring to his tendency to hop onto your stream unprompted. Whether he actually listens to your demands is beyond you, “Peeping means cheating.”

“For the love of fuck all, can we get back to the three dead bodies, please? Because I’m about to have a second coming of Christ moment and taste my consumed, digested beer for the second time.” Charlie interjects.

“I mean, anyone have any ideas who’d do this?” Dream takes hold of the conversation. Quiet, disappointed nos greet him. They have nothing to go on, no clues, not even a subliminal message. With everyone scattered, there is no way of locating the actual bodies and drawing a long red trail leading back to you. 

You’re too good at lying, and Dream is too good of a publicist. People tend to trust his judgement, which is his main asset (besides his calm demeanor of course). When the Among Us gods chose you as Impostor, they made sure you had every advantage. 

“Who-Who do you think it is, Dream?” Ash questions, “I trust you. I do. Just know that.”

“No fucking clue.”

“Y/n?” She tries again.

“Same. I’m a bit worried, though.”

“Let’s, uhhh, let’s skip?” Sykkuno offers. The consensus is to start voting at six. Your new mission is to make sure you dwindle the numbers down drastically before that can happen. You have no qualms about sacrificing Dream in order to meet your goals, either. Absolutely cold blooded.

Back at Cafeteria, there are words exchanged about Quackity’s body just laying there, forgotten. Blame is shifted: how come we didn’t notice sooner? Where’s Rae? And you mindlessly go along with their mourning, not really paying attention. Dream leaves with Charlie and Sykkuno, Corpse requests you stay with him and you sprout fake apologies. Not his time yet. Us girls need to stick together!, you sing, following after Ashley and getting further and further away from him, going deeper and deeper into the labyrinth of the spaceship.

You find yourself in Security with her, her cute astronaut pressed to the cameras, watching the live feed, “Let’s lurk here, okay? Maybe we’ll see something.” If only she saw who was standing behind her. 

“Who do you think is the Impostor?” You ask, standing in the doorway, “Or, more like, who are the Impostors?”

“Honestly?” She ends her word with a little sigh, “I think it might be Corpse and Bretman. I haven’t seen them at all this game.”

You smile, raising your brows, tilting your heard, and you sound so kind, like a dear old friend about to deliver a tender message, “...Have you seen me?”

“SHIT!”

Too late. In one smooth motion she joins the afterlife. You cut the lights, venting mindlessly till you spot Corpse and Bretman panicking in Weapons. Your existence is still a mystery to them.

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck--” Corpse mumbles, “Bretman, don’t you dare fucking kill me right now.”

“I’m not Impostor!”

“Okay, I’ll drink to that.”

They rush out of Weapons, most likely on their way to Electrical, and you trail after them like the Grim Reaper itself, biding your time till you can deliver the killing blow.

“Corpse?!” You call out, mild panic ringing in your voice, “Is that you?”

“Shit, Y/n? Where are you?” He questions. Crew vision is so sad, so small, how can he not see you standing almost right next to him? “Where’s Ash?”

“I dunno,” You say, “when the lights went out I ran. Please don’t kill me.”

“I’d never do that, baby.”

Too easy. They’re all too fucking easy. You bite your lower lip, trying to stop the laugh bubbling in your chest, to stop the lightheaded dizziness that overcomes you with a rush of excitement. 

“Thanks, pretty boy.” You mutter, and it sounds a bit lower than you intended, a bit darker, something sinister lurking underneath cotton candy words. It instantly clicks in Bretman and he makes a noise, something like a whine, and you see him backing away, “I know I can always trust you.” 

Whether Corpse notices the odd shift in tone, he doesn’t show it, “I like it when you call me that.” Is all he says, and you hear the smile in his voice, the appreciation. The trek to Electrical is all but forgotten. You slowly make your way to Bretman, “Where are you? Come here.”

“Just a minute,” You say cheerily, “I just need to kill Bret first.”

“Holy shit.”

“N-” Your victim’s sentence is cut off in a second, and you can’t contain your manic cackle this time, because the screen bleeds red, the words VICTORY splattered on it, depicting yours and Dream’s sneaky astronauts. You’re still laughing as the voices of your fallen friends ring in your ears.

“Y/n, what the fuck, you’re an actual monster.” Dream says, but there’s no actual weight behind his words, each syllable punctured with a laugh.

“I knew the second she asked me about my favorite scary movie that I’d get the chop.” James states.

“Wait, Y/n, did you kill everyone?” Corpse questions.

“She fucking did!” Dream answers for you, “I got Charlie and Sykkuno, and barely at that. What the fuck.”

“I’ve been waiting so fucking long for this.” You admit, giggling, raising you glass, “I toast to you, Dream. My perfect partner in crime.”

“I didn’t really do shit, but cheers.”

Quackity heaves a heavy sigh, “Y/n, Y/n, you don’t actually think I’m weird, right? Right?”

“No, she does.” James chimes.

“WHAT THE FUCK DID I EVER DO TO YOU, DUDE?!”

More commotion, more noise, and you just sit there, buzzed, snickering, reading the chat as the rest agree to play another round. You thank the people who donated that you had accidentally missed among the, you know, murder, reply to a few questions, bow dramatically to the many praises and invisible flowers you receive for such beautiful assassin work. When you look back at the screen, you throw your head back with a maniacal laugh.

Impostor again, only this time it’s with Charlie. Family bonds are often restored when united under a common goal. You’re so happy. So happy. You weren’t done terrorizing your friends yet.

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼　 ҉ 　✼

tags (in italics is those i couldn’t tag! make sure all’s ok w your settings!) : @littlebabysandboxburritos​ - @fairywriter-oracle​ - @tsukishimawh0re​ - @ofstarsanddreams​ - @bbecc-a​ - @annshit​ - @leahh19​ - @letsloveimagines​ - @bellomi-clarke​ - @wineandionysus​ - @guiltydols​ - @onephootinfrontoftheother​ - @liamakorn​ - @thirstyfangirl​ - @lilysdaydreams​ - @pan-ini​ - @mxqicshxp​ - @tanchosanke​ - @yoshinorecommends​ - @flightsandfantasy​ - @liljennyx3​ - @bingusmode - @unknown-and-invisible​ - @sinister-sleep​ - @fivedicksinatrenchcoat​ - @mercury–moon - @peterparkerspjsuit​ - @unstableye​ - @simonsbluee​ - @shinyshimaagain​ - @ppopty​ - @siriuslystupid​ - @crapimahuman​ - @ofthedewthesunlight​ - @mythicalamphitrite​ - @artsyally​ - @corpsesimpp​ - @corpsewhitetee​ - @corpse-husbandsimp​ - @hyp-oh-critical​ - @roses-and-grasses​ - @rhyrhy462​ - @sparklylandflaplawyer​ - @charbkgo​ - @airwaveee​ - @creativedogs​ - @kaitlyn2907​ - @loxbbg​ - @afuckingunicornn​ - @fleurmoon​ - @yeolliedokai​

more tags are in the comments bcs tumblr only allows me to tag 50 people max 💙

[mattzerella-sticks]

Not Here for Me

If he had the choice, Dean never would have stepped foot inside this place. But Sam was curious - and curious is a hell of a lot better than the depression that clung to him day after day since Jess left him. So Dean swallows his pride, joins Sam as his babysitter. So he won't get find himself in any trouble. Trouble, however, is more likely to find Dean. In the bowels of his personal hell, can Dean resist temptations that have plagued him his entire life? Or will someone descend and lend a hand, showing Dean that the darkness he imagined only lived inside his own mind. And all that he feared was not as he seemed if he let himself step out of the shadows of his past.

(Dean/Cas, Human AU, 2000s-set, 8,113 words, tw: Dean’s childhood & upbringing by one John Winchester)

ao3

           His ears hurt. Dean stares at a small puddle of maybe-water-maybe-vodka that collected on the bar top, focusing on it instead of the pounding bass drum and blender whirring that’s somehow considered music. At least that’s what Sam told him seconds after entering, meeting Dean’s disgruntlement with patented exasperation. Floppy bangs pushed back for its full effect. “You’re such an old man,” he said, “Can you pretend you’re happy being here?”

           “That depends,” he fired back, brow raised. Pulled taut like a bowstring, retort knocked and waiting. He lets it fly, “How quick do you think I can get drunk?”

           The answer – very quickly. Dean balked when Sam ordered them these bubbling potions the color of lava lamps mixed with Barbie vomit. Served in dainty glasses Dean could easily break if he applied even a fraction of pressure between his thumb and forefinger. Rim lined with salt and a wedge of lime. Sam suggested they cheers. He chugged his before Sam raised the glass. He flagged the bartender, ignoring Sam’s glare. “What the hell did I drink?” he asked.

           The bartender pursed his lips, eyes dragging over Dean’s frame as if he were stripping him bare in the room; peeling away the layers of his jacket and plaid button-down and faded band tee like they were tissue, freckled-and-pale skin freed for the bartender’s enjoyment. He sowed seeds of unwanted fantasies. Dean cleared his throat, repeating the question, digging out those dropped seedlings before the bartender’s imagined wanderings might flower.

           If Dean wanted to encourage attention, he’d have dressed like him. Mesh shirt with uneven holes, some stretched wider than most. Its woven fabric failed at hiding the sweat that dampened his obviously spray-tanned skin, strips of orange paint peeling like a rind. The bartender wiped his brow, a streak of bright white skin revealed. “A strawberry margarita.”

           “Of course,” Dean nodded at the selection behind him, “got anything that doesn’t taste too… sugary?” A frown dragged every wrinkle and crease forward on the bartender’s face. He clarified, “A beer. What beer do you have?”

           They didn’t have any. Dean asked for a vodka neat, Sam criticizing his choice as the bartender retreated. “You’re so boring.” That was three vodka neats ago.

           Sam left his station beside Dean soon after his first drink, swept away in the tide of bodies pulsing in the center of the club. Each individual moving to a different beat. Their dancing unsyncopated and wild. Yet, despite how hopeless it looked, bodies acting independently from one another, the writhing mass shared one mind. Although, even assimilated by the crowd, Dean can keep track of his little brother. Head poking free of the mass like some odd periscope. Scanning every few seconds until their gazes met and then submerging once more.

           Dean isn’t searching for him now. He studies his small puddle of definitely-vodka. He swiped his finger through it earlier and sucked it dry; cheeks hollow, eyes half-lidded and unfocused. Dean heard someone’s glass shatter over the wretched din of noise, timed perfectly with his finger popping out of his mouth like a burst bubble. The sharp smell of alcohol fries his nose hairs. It dulls the throbbing ache caused by his surroundings, Dean’s frayed nerves sparking underneath, jumping like live wires since Sam detailed their plans for this evening.

           “You wanna go to a gay bar?”

           Sam rolled his eyes with so much force they rattled inside his skull like a novelty magic eight-ball, his hazel gaze landing on him, answer written neatly, ‘It is decidedly so’. Dean shook it again, scoffing. The answer changed. Not in Dean’s favor. ‘Yes – definitely’.

           “Why?” Dean leaned across their small table, “Are you…?” He asks with a wry twist of his lips and a limp wrist.

           “I don’t know,” Sam told him.

           “You don’t know? Isn’t that a requirement for a – a gay bar?”

           “Not necessarily,” he explained, sitting across from Dean finally. Sam’s windbreaker swooshed with every dramatic sweep of his arm. “I mean… sure, most of the people there are gay. But it’s not like they make you flash some official gay card at the door…” Expression pinched, he powered head, avoiding the conversational detour and sticking to the main highway of his argument. “Besides, there’s more than just gay.”

           Dean nodded, “Like what?”

           “Bisexual, Pansexual… Asexual, Demisexual –“

           “I think I might be that,” Dean laughed, tongue swiping over his bottom lip. “It means you’re attracted to Demi Moore, right? Because if Kutcher weren’t in the picture, I’d definitely be all up in her business!”

           “Don’t be an ass, Dean,” Sam said, “Demisexuality is a real thing, okay? It’s only being attracted to people who you have a deep, intimate bond with.”

           “Oh, is that so?” He stretched his legs out from beneath the table, knocking into Sam’s. “That what you’re learning in college? I thought you wanted to be a lawyer. Or were you a bit presumptuous when you made that e-mail, lawboy?”

           “I still do,” Sam muttered, cheeks tinted a dark shade. “I… it was one of these classes I have to take, for my degree. Made me think about things I never knew about and – and stuff I said that, looking back, was… kind of offensive. That we joked about, what dad would say, sometimes…” Dean tuned Sam out partly, a refreshing static separating him from Sam’s words. Standard whenever Sam mentioned their dad, or if he saw something that reminded him of dad, or if dad cared enough to leave a voicemail for Sam on their shared answering machine. The little antenna on his brain’s radio drooped slightly, making Dean fiddle for the signal. He managed to catch the remainder of Sam’s monologue, barely. “…it’s a whole new world!”

           “No, it isn’t,” Dean sighed, tiredly scrubbing his chin. “Sam, you’ve only ever liked girls.”

           “To my knowledge!” Sam insisted, “I might’ve liked a boy, possibly. Maybe. I mean… do you remember Trevor?”

           “Trevor?”

           “Y’know, Trevor,” he fumbled through his memories, silence painstakingly ticking past. The clicking of their kitchen clock suddenly, obnoxiously loud. “That kid from that town we stayed at for about two months my sophomore year of high school, up in Montana.”

           Dean remembered that town. GED burning a hole in his pocket, he bummed through town hunting for a job since dad hightailed it for a phantom thread of a lead on their mother’s murderer. Not many folks were hiring, but a stern man in a rough-hewn Stetson and bushy mustache needed an extra ranch hand. Introduced Dean to his son, Dean’s new co-worker. Steve was a nice boy, older than him by a few years, with a warm temperament, skin tanned like leather from a life of fieldwork, and legs bent further than Dean’s by riding horses since birth.

           One day while tending the horses, Steve noticed how Dean’s focus drifted every few seconds, drawn to the saddles. “We can go for a ride,” he mentioned, “one night, around the property.”

           “I wouldn’t even know how to get on a horse, let alone ride it.”

           Steve chuckled, shoulders barely shaking from the act. His honeyed eyes were earnest and gooey in the filtered sunlight, distracting Dean more than saddles ever did. “I can show you,” he said, “it ain’t too hard.” He proved that by using their lunch break to teach Dean how to mount a horse. He demonstrated it, legs wrapping around its thick flanks, showboating and urging the steed forward by tapping his heels while Dean laughed, head dizzy from spinning, following Steve and the horse, as well as other things. “Think you can try it?” Dean didn’t. He shook his head, lip trapped between his teeth. Speaking felt blasphemous in that moment. “What if I helped?” Steve offered a hand, easily hefting Dean up atop the horse. They shared the saddle, Dean bracketed by Steve’s sturdy arms and supported by his firm chest. Dean felt every tug of the reigns as Steve guided the horse around the stable, and every whispered breath along his neck. Steve dismounted first, holding Dean’s hips and helping him down later. “Now imagine how nice that’d be, out on the plains, with nothing but the moon watching us?” He painted a pretty picture, even if Dean’s copied brushstrokes were shaky and inelegant. They made plans the following Friday.

           John returned Tuesday, and they left Wednesday. He’d never been near a horse since.

           But they weren’t talking about Steve. Why did he think of Steve? “Trevor?” Dean repeated, still unsure what Sam’s flailing meant.

           “My lab partner,” he said, “We bonded over our mutual appreciation of Vince Vincente and the Goonies… there were some days he’d give me the extra sandwich his mom packed, for some reason?”

           “You mean to tell me you had a crush on this Trevor kid?”

           “I might have!” Sam rose, shouting, “He was… he treated me well, and I liked hanging around him.”

           “He was your friend, Sam. Friend,” Dean sunk deeper into his seat, kicking Sam’s abandoned chair. “You have had friends in your life, right? I know I joke about you being a loser, but I never really meant it…”

           “Of course I had friends,” he scowled, “I have friends.”

           “And you’ve had girlfriends,” Dean reminded him, “Hell, you and Jess only broke up about a month ago! Did Trevor give you feelings like Jess did?”

           Sam visibly faltered, stooping slightly. Footing lost as the ground trembled beneath his feet. “Well… no, I mean – not, not that I can recall…” Spluttering, his hands balled tighter into fists. “But maybe it’s different, feelings for a boy and – and feelings for a girl.”

           “Sam, feelings are feelings regardless of who’s on the other end of ‘em. You just… you just know –“

           Like he regressed two decades, Sam stomped his foot in a very childish way. Whining, “God, Dean, can’t you be a little supportive!” Immediately his face stretched in regret, rubber band snapping as he leaped forward in years to his appropriate age. It didn’t matter; the barb struck exactly where it intended, puncturing soft underbelly, unguarded by Dean’s calloused defenses.

           Dean stiffened; gaze drawn to a whorl in the table’s finish. His thumb pressed hard at its center. He snorted, but it sounded more like an engine backfiring. “Supportive huh?” he asked, smile wide and wry, “You want me to be more supportive?” Thousands of examples flickered like a clip reel in his mind. Small things. Dean skipping breakfast so Sam can eat the last of their cereal. Wearing the same clothes, weeks on end, because Sam needed a new wardrobe, reedy body bigger than what they had. Risking arrest with every five-finger discount or hustled game or back alley trick; supporting the way their dad couldn’t.

           Bigger things. Lying, letting Sam play over at other kids’ houses; Dean frozen, watching the door in fear their dad came home early. Hiding letters from admissions for Sam, secreted from beneath their dad’s nose. He was an ever-present figure during those last few years. A shadowy patrol that continually followed since they were old enough. Dad had more use for men then children. Dean went as far as distracting him one starless night while Sam escaped, then accepted the consequences of his actions. He joined Sam weeks later with Baby’s keys and a split lip caused by, who he described to Sam as, some jackass biker. It healed in time for an interview, for a job he still has. Six days a week spent under the hoods of cars, working long hours and earning money to support them both, like before. Giving Sam the very freedoms he’d been denied – time, luxury, and safety.

           He held these words firm in his mouth, smoke bitter as it roiled. But, in his next breath, Dean released the past with a low hiss. Darkness rising, dissipating. “It’s okay,” he assured Sam, cutting off his rambling apologies. “Really.” He glanced at Sam’s outfit, fully taking in his choices. A color-blocked jacket of bright colors, reds, yellows, and oranges, that glowed over his tight, dark button-down. A hint of some printed graphic peeking behind the half-zippered flaps. Combined with a pair of Sam’s most distressed denim and flip-flops because It’s California, Dean, and you know how awful my feet sweat. As a whole Sam presented like a grade-A douchebag. Entirely unprepared for any bar, let alone a gay one. Dean’s instincts kicked into overdrive.

           “Fine,” he decided, standing, too, “you want supportive? Then I’m coming with you.”

           “What?” Sam trailed Dean’s wake as he left for his bedroom, cornering him while he slipped into some ratty white sneakers left by his dresser. “You’re coming?”

           “Sure.”

           “But… why?” Sam slammed his hand on Dean’s doorframe, blocking his exit. “You’re not gay.”

           Dean frowned at him, “I thought you didn’t have to be gay to go to a gay bar?”

           “Yeah, but –“ He knocked Sam’s arm loose, passing his brother on the way towards the door. Sam followed, buzzing behind like a mosquito. “You don’t seriously wanna go, do you?”

           “Obviously not,” Dean said, sliding into an oversized leather jacket. Another relic of their dad’s. Dean couldn’t leave without it. He couldn’t explain why. “But since you’re insisting on doing this, I might as well make sure you don’t get taken advantage of.”

           “That won’t happen.”

           “You kidding? A guy like you, wobbling around like a fawn – a sort of gay Bambi… you’d get eaten alive instantly. Or drugged.” He squeezed Sam’s shoulder, the finger of his other hand pressed into his brother’s chest like it was an intercom button, pushing so forcefully Dean thought it might burst through the other side. “I don’t need the stress of finding out you died at this gay bar because some idiot overestimated the amount of roofies they’d need to take down your elephant-sized ass.”

           Sam cringed at his worst-case scenario but hadn’t shrugged his hand off. Instead he returned the gesture with his own comforting touch around Dean’s wrist. “Okay,” Sam said, “you can come. Don’t embarrass me though, by being an ass.”

           “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

           “Hey,” Sam said later, Baby idling in front of a red light. Zeppelin blaring through her speakers, making conversation difficult. Dean lowered it for his brother. “What’d you think dad’d say, if he knew where we were going?”

           Dad’s opinion, of his two sons wasting their night in a gay bar, would ruffle the feathers of Sam’s newfound sensitivity. He hears their dad’s voice clearly, delivering a tirade about their terrible choices. Dean spent his time at the bar drowning that voice since arriving. He drains his fourth-or-fifth glass of its contents. It all splashes like the others, into his empty, churning stomach. Dad’s voice, the awful music, his nerves and senses slip out of mind. He sees dregs of vodka left in his glass. He uses the same finger that swiped through the tiny bar puddle and swirls it there, coating in in more vodka. Again, Dean sucks on his finger.

           Someone approaches while his lips graze knuckle.

           “If you get tired of that finger…” a stranger says on his right, reeking of cherry-and-liquored stink. Dean’s face scrunches at the smell. “I’ve got this big thing you can suck on…” His gaze wanders to where the stranger is.

           He’s a man with severely gelled hair, plastered back. A few strands were missed in the initial sweep and clung to his forehead, shiny and wet, making it seem like oil slowly bled down. He chokes on a gold chain that resembles a collar, broad neck seizing as he breathes. Steroids, Dean wagers, given how bulging veins snake past the sleeves of his stretched-thin shirt. Which makes him doubt the man’s ‘big’ claim. He arches a stupidly perfect, sculpted brow, leaning far past the bubble of Dean’s personal space. “You’d definitely have a lot more fun than playing with your finger,” he adds, taking Dean’s silence as an apparent invitation.

           He can’t remember when his finger slid free, but it did and, while spit-slick, jabs at Roidy’s brick-wall chest. “Not interested pal,” he says, “Why don’t you try a different fella?”

           “What if I don’t want a different fella?”

           “Then you are s’stupid as you look.” Dean waves, flagging the bartender for his next vodka. “Why don’t you take your big package crap elsewhere?”

           Undeterred, Roidy leans closer. Fingertips ghosting where Dean holds his glass as the bartender refills it. He tenses, squirming, imagining the very oil that drips from the man’s head coats his fingers, too, and through his touch smears it around Dean’s wrist. “Listen, you might not know this… but I made a promise tonight. That I would fuck the hottest, sexiest piece of trade in the club tonight. And congratulations… that’s you.”

           Dean squints, mockingly cooing at the other’s assessment. “I feel honored,” he says, sarcasm heavy like the hand pouring his drinks this evening. “Special, even,” Dean continues, “don’t know how anyone could turn y’away after that.”

           “No one does.”

           “Then I guess I’ll be the first?” Dean asks. The bartender huffs softly under breath, he and Dean reveling silently. They connect over this interloper’s antics. With a subtle shift in the bartender’s gaze, a snide flash of teeth, Dean understands. He’s not the first, only the latest. Certainly not the last.

           What he wants to be, though, is left alone. That doesn’t seem likely. Not with how Roidy gloms onto Dean’s side, an arm curling around his shoulders. Not if his biting smile meant anything, tearing through Dean’s dismissals. Not as Roidy whispers, barely audible because of the music, “If you’re going for discreet, I can do that… play along, that is. It wouldn’t be worth it if it were easy…”

           Dean’s mood sinks under such nauseating charms. He looks for assistance in the bartender, but he swam to safer shores at some point, serving drinks elsewhere. Unfortunate. He was starting to like him.

           Roidy snuffles Dean’s neck, alarms clanging within his head. Or possibly it’s coming from the many speakers placed throughout the bar. Either way that plus everything he drank, make thinking complicated and tortuously slow, like Roidy nosing along his collarbone. His thoughts fall apart before they make it to his mouth, Dean opening and shutting and opening his mouth hoping a few words can crawl themselves into existence. He manages a few garbled syllables that are greatly ignored.

           As swiftly as Roidy began his assault, he’s being tugged off him. Dean gasps for breath, spinning, facing the dancefloor now. Glaring at Roidy who glares elsewhere, at the owner of the hand that cleaved this growth from Dean’s side.

           It’s beautiful, for a hand. Tan, palm curled around Dean’s shoulder protectively. No cuts or scabs across the knuckles, nor any scars. If he were to touch it, he imagines the skin there is soft and smooth. Dean’s gaze travels, curious who might own such a gentle hand.

           Chasing the sinewy lines of his savior’s arms to broad shoulders, Dean feels his chest tighten in a desperate need for fresh air. However, it’s not terrifying like before with Roidy. This is unique and comforting. He inhales, then exhales. He has no trouble breathing. He still feels that tightness. Crushing once he finds his savior’s face.

           Marble. Statues are carved from stone – marble, specifically – he remembers from an old teacher’s droned lecture that returned with vengeance. Spoken during a field trip to some museum where Dean barely stayed awake as they flew room to room, always seconds from collapsing, waking momentarily for the next exhibit. Except when they entered a room of statues, and Dean managed fifteen minutes of attentiveness. Aided by chiseled features of a statue hidden between two columns near the farthest corner of the room. A man, naked, endowed, frozen in repose and staring into the distance. It might have been at a bathroom door, Dean’s memory supplied, but the statue saw beyond such borders. Dean wished he knew what existed where only statues can see. All he understood was the expression. Marble evoked steel. The statue displayed determination, tempered and ready for whatever barrels forward, with a hint of sorrow he must greet what is to come. The same expression shone on his savior’s face triggering his sudden recollection. Only his was brighter because of those eyes. An incomparable blue.

           On first glance, Dean wonders if that statue perhaps came alive. Journeyed from wherever it stood, in that town whose name he can’t summon up, to save him. Except that’s impossible. That statue is most likely there, forever guarding the bathroom. Blue Eyes is a man with his own history, parallel to Dean’s until he jumped in playing hero. But why?

           He can’t think of a reasonable explanation, because Blue Eyes finally speaks. “Hey babe,” he growls, Dean jolting from the pitch, like he stepped, shoeless, on glass shards littering the floor. An abundance of them must slip loose from Blue Eyes’ mouth whenever it opens after they shredded his vocal cords. “Sorry I’m late, traffic was crazy.”

           What?

           “What?”

           “Didn’t you get my text?” he asks Dean. Then, subtly checking on Roidy who watches, fuming from the sidelines, he makes an odd clicking sound. “Or were your hands full, and you couldn’t check?”

           “His hands were full all right,” Roidy interrupts, not waiting for Dean’s response. He tries shoving Blue Eyes back, but he refuses to budge. His strength real and not decorative like Roidy’s. He falters slightly; adjusts course and snags a fistful of Blue Eyes’ white button-down in case Blue Eyes wastes energy trying what Roidy did. “Why don’t you leave and let your babe hang with someone who’s there when he needs him?”

           Blue Eyes squints, lips slowly stretching, like a match dragged across a striker, until the flame of a smirk dances into view. “I can assure you, that’s exactly who I am. Wouldn’t you agree?”

           He does. He should. Blue Eyes listens for Dean’s answer, chin dipped patiently. Roidy’s is, as well. Both wait on him, Dean the difference between favor and disgrace. It’s a non-decision. He eases into his savior’s warmth, improvising by slipping his thumb through a belt loop on the other side. “Exactly,” Dean says, “you’re all I need, sweetie.”

           Dean knows there’s no reason to turn from Blue Eyes. Temptation wins, and he chances a peek at the loser. Roidy fumes, his sneer somehow making him appear uglier. He wipes at his brow, disrupting those few, sticky strands, and reveals covered pockmarks. They appear horn-like, in the bar’s dim lighting. That cherry-and-liquor scent sours, suddenly pungent like rotten eggs. “Whatever,” he mutters, letting Blue Eyes go, “your boyfriend’s a fucking tease.”

           “Go fuck yourself,” Dean drawls, laughing, squeezing Blue Eyes tighter. Encouraged by his presence. “At least you’ll know it’s consen-u-tal!”

           Roidy departs dreadfully, saluting them with his middle finger. Dean responds with a raised glass that quickly empties itself down his throat. Slumping onto the bar, releasing Blue Eyes, Dean motions for the bartender’s return. “Hey,” he slurs, “another vodk-eh and, uh…” He scowls, studying the rack, an array of alcohol lined up. “Shit, man,” he asks his savior, “what’s your poison?”

           “Tequila,” Blue Eyes tells the bartender, frowning at Dean, “You sure you’re good for this?”

           “What’s that s’posed to mean?”

           “That you look like you’ve had enough.” Blue Eyes accepts the glass of tequila, tapping its rim against his chin, lime wedge hitting the corner of his quirked lips. “How many of those vodkas have you had?”

           “’Bout this many,” he answers, hand open. Dean hums, considering the number. “Maybe one or two more. Or less? I must’ve lost count…” He shrugs, sipping at his latest drink. “S’okay, though, I once drank this meathead trucker under the table. A whole bottle of ol’ Jack at this… roadhouse off a highway somewhere east a’here.” Vodka sloshes with each gesture while he retells the story. “So I’ve got tolernance.”

           “Clearly.” Blue Eyes chuckles, and Dean – not sure for what reason – joins him. He can’t hear much of it, but the bits of his laughter that break over the bar’s chaotic din make Dean giddy. “Thank you,” he nods at his tequila, “for the drink.”

           “Hey, I’m the one thankin’ here buddy,” Dean says, “I don’t know what I’d’ve done if you hadn’t stepp-epped in when you did. Probably somethin’ punchy.”

           “He would have deserved it,” he finally tips his glass back. Dean’s Adam’s apple bobs in rhythm with Blue Eyes’, even if his drink rests miles away on the bar top. “Hey,” Blue Eyes continues, smiling, fiddling with the lime wedge, “what’s your name?”

           “Why you wanna know?”

           “Well, usually I know the names of the men who buy me drinks. Especially those who buy them for me after I’ve scared off pervy creeps.”

           “You make a habit of this, then?”

           “No,” Blue Eyes says, “you’re the first.”

           Unlike with Roidy, Dean believes him. “Dean.”

           “Castiel,” he reveals, simultaneously sticking the lime in his mouth. Teeth locked around it, he drains the wedge of its juice. Dean blushes, and the rush of blood to his head brings dizziness. Resting one hand on the bar doesn’t help. Neither does two. Castiel finishes his drink, placing the glass and shriveled lime near Dean’s hands, and yet his sudden lightheadedness persists.

           Castiel must notice this queasiness, because he grazes Dean’s elbow. Uses words Dean cannot presently grasp. A wave of concern sweeps across Castiel’s features, transforming them. Drawing Dean closer, lost in his orbit.

           A diversion is necessary. “So, Cas,” he starts, their faces inches from each other. To talk easier. “You gay?”

           “Uh…” Belatedly, Dean realizes his stupidity. His jaw drops, as if he can vacuum the question back. Pretend he never said it. Castiel, looking saintly under the bar’s neon glow, recovers faster. Replies before Dean might withdraw. “Yeah, yes I’m… I’m gay. Be pretty weird if I wasn’t.”

           “I must be pretty weird, huh,” Dean thinks aloud. He smacks his lips. They taste oddly like a morning where, after playing some hilarious prank on Sam, he came to with old socks stuffed into his duct taped mouth.

           Castiel skews his head to the side. “Why are you weird?”

           “Because…” It’s a bad idea. He recognizes how bad an idea this is. However, recognition and action are completely separate. And while he succeeds in the former, he fails spectacularly with the latter. “I’m not gay.” Then, slurring, he whisper-shouts, “I’m straaaaight.”

           “Really…” Castiel skims through tens of emotions Dean cannot discern with his vodka-addled brain. He settles on detachment, the tightness within his chest loosening as Cas inches backwards. Dean, instinctively, floats closer. That strain returns tenfold, like a python coiled itself around Dean. Squeezes him until Castiel bumps into a patron, bringing their chests flush together. Dean likes it even if he cannot breathe. Castiel smiles, but it’s noticeably different than those previously gifted. “If you’re straight, why are you at a gay bar?”

           “You don’t have to be gay to be in a gay bar,” Dean supplies.

           “It’d be a real plus though.” He barely caught Castiel’s mumbling. He can’t question what was meant, because Castiel clears his throat and repeats his question. “Why did you choose a gay bar for the evening?”

           Dean glances at the dance floor. Sam hadn’t left, enmeshed between writhing bodies. “I’m not here for me. My brother – he thinks he’s gay… or somethin’ like it,” he tells Castiel, snorting when someone other than Sam rakes a paw through his hair. Awkwardness flashes like lightning, disappearing behind forced puppy-dog features and Sam’s too-wide grin. “He’s here expermimenting while I’m the… uh – the moral support.”

           Castiel’s face publicizes his thoughts. The lines of his face twitch in simple patterns that are already familiar to Dean. And the pools of his eyes reflect the subdued variety of his feelings, providing needed transparency. With this change of his features, Dean guesses Castiel’s tensed mouthline and wishbone-bent eyebrows meant awe and respect. “That’s… very nice of you.”

           “Least I can do,” Dean shrugs, tasting sock once more, “it’s not like I’ll need’ta do more. Kid’s straight as a… straight thing.”

           Those pearled emotions seal themselves tightly in a clamshell, Castiel sending them back into murky depths. “How would you know?”

           “Because I’ve known the kid all m’life, Cas. He’s a shit liar… at least to me he is.” Dean settles against the bar, past resurfacing. A clear memory from their younger years. Sam never finishing his dinners, but somehow dropping a clean plate into the trashcan every time. Followed by a question, like clockwork, about taking a walk. “Around the motel,” he said, “nothing further.” His father’s rules. Never plainly set, but strictly enforced. Dean learned of them the hard way. Sam agreed, not even fighting like he usually did. Maybe that’s why, one night, he left their motel a beat after Sam. Dean kept close tabs on his brother. Not stopping him as he disobeyed orders and crossed the street, nor when a crowd of adults poured out of some ritzy venue, stares scathing as he passed. He maintained distance, only toeing nearer as Sam slowed for a better view of the alleyway he paused at, of a three-legged dog hobbling out of a cardboard box, tongue lolling, tail wagging. Sam greeted him in similar fashion, kneeling at the edge where light and shadows gathered. He pet and pet and pet this stray, stopping only to reveal the portion of dinner he hadn’t eaten wrapped in several paper towels. Dean scurried off in the direction of the motel, asking Sam how his walk was once he returned. He relates all this to Castiel. “Sam loved dogs. Always wanted one assa pet…” If this was his chance, Dean figured he might help. Became more lenient. Gave Sam food from his plate, not that he ever noticed. Lied to John during those rare moments he was home.  “Most of the things he got away with were only because I let him. I’m sure if he ever wanted a boyfriend he could’ve done it, and there I’d be covering his tracks like I did for his dog an’ his playdates an’ his girlfriends.”

           “Wow, you…” Castiel trails off. Or perhaps he completed his thought, and Dean missed it because their arms are pressed together on the bar. Dean turns, watching the other’s soft contemplation instead of Sam. Castiel meets his gaze, those pearls reappearing. Shinier, too. “What happened to the dog?”

           “Sam dropped off food the next two weeks, but by then our dad was dying to move on,” he explains, “I happened to overhear him bitchin’ on the phone and knew it’d be soon. So I took a personal day and brought his mutt t’the nearest shelter.” Hopefully Patchy found a good home, not that he cared.

           “You’re a good brother.”

           “I try my best.”

           “Your best is better than a lot of people’s…” Castiel knocks his shoulder into Dean’s, Dean chasing after it. “My brothers’ idea of kindness is the occasional birthday e-mail, when the mood strikes them that is.”

           “That sucks.” There’s more he wants to say, except Dean cannot make his mouth open again. When he finally unsticks his lips, he forgot all those words that seemed important moments ago. Replaced by off-tempo notes and cyclical phrases. Dean sighs, head lolling to the side while his lids slide closed over his eyes.

           He exists in darkness. A warm, welcoming blackness, like being swaddled in a blanket. Hiding under it while winds howled and raged, sheets of rain slamming atop roofs and pelleting windows. Safe, protected.

           That blanket is torn from him, Dean stumbling slightly. Castiel catches him and helps him stand upright, smirking. “Hey,” Dean whines, numb fingers twining loosely around Castiel’s wrist, “where you goin’?”

           Castiel nods at the writhing mass, somehow larger since Dean last looked. “I feel like dancing.”

           “No…” Dean tugs Castiel back towards him. He stays where he was. “Stay here,” Dean insists.

           “Or…” Castiel says, prying Dean’s hand from his wrist. His needy fingers seep through the spaces between Castiel’s and he clings tight. “Or,” he repeats, breathier than before, “you can join me on the dancefloor?”

           “I don’t dance, Cas…” His legs betray him, following Castiel into the fray. Vodka making his protests toothless. Vodka and Castiel.

           He meant what he said, though. He does not dance. Men don’t dance. Real men. Normal men. Dad never danced, not even at his wedding. Even though mom begged, dad would tell them that he remained firm in his decision. “Never trust a man who dances,” he advised, Sam asleep feet from where they sat, beers in their hands. Dean was fourteen. “No man wants to dance. If he’s dancing, it means he’s weak enough to have lost that fight. And if he likes dancing, then that’s not the kind of man you want to be associating with.” Dean nodded, because at fourteen why not? Dad rarely gave guidance that wasn’t pointed, aimed directly at him. Cutting, slicing bits and pieces off and leaving them behind in whatever motel they briefly occupied.

           With how Castiel moves, effortless and graceful, Dean bets he likes dancing. And if Castiel likes dancing, Dean wonders, truly, how bad it can be.

           You want these people thinking you’re some kind of fairy? They already have, before he walked onto the dance floor. No son of mine is gonna dance with a man! Luckily, he won’t be dancing with one. He’ll dance, surrounded by men. Do you want to look gay, Dean? He won’t. Not if he says he doesn’t. Not if he says he isn’t.

           A kid from his junior high days taught him that. How, by telling yourself what you do isn’t gay, suddenly you create your own version of truth. “Not for everything,” he warned. He paused, panting, as he – like Dean – recovered on the leather couch. Spent, video paused on his basement television, shorts – like Dean’s – around his ankles, “it doesn’t work all the time.”

           “But for this?” Dean asked.

           “Definitely this.”

           Dean listened; those sacred words used sparingly over time. Mostly during clouded nights when the money ran out, as did their supplies, and Dean’s skills at the pool table or poker game couldn’t compare to those of his body.

           He uses the words again. This isn’t gay. Castiel spins him, his chest plastered onto Dean’s back. He tries phrasing it differently. Dancing isn’t gay. Dean takes his free hand, the one not latched onto Castiel, and mirrors an earlier action he saw. Combs his fingers through Castiel’s dark brown locks. He amends and adds to it, too. Dancing is the least gay thing he can be doing in this bar. That appeases the monster clawing at his mind, its voice, eerily similar to his dad’s, fading away. Dean smiles, then lets go.

           The music isn’t so bad. Dancing isn’t as bad, either. Castiel is…

           Dean focuses only on the music and dancing. It’s easy, losing himself in the rhythm. Forgetting who he is, where he is, and why he is where he is. He becomes nameless, another body in motion. Faceless as the strobe lights flicker and hide his features. Thoughtless, no room for anything besides what he hears. Dean doesn’t exist save for moments that jab at his awareness. Castiel squeezing his hand. The feel of hair then stubble then hair as his touch roams. Gasps at the base of his neck that elicit headier gasps from Dean. Firm press of chest-to-back, joined hands resting over his heart while Castiel’s free hand lays atop Dean’s stomach as they rock together.

           Dancing is the least gay thing he can be doing at this bar.

           While it fascinates Dean, Castiel must tire of their arrangement, because he disturbs Dean’s oblivion by turning from back-to-chest to chest-to-chest. The wrong move, Dean thinks, as his vision blurs in such a violent way. The room spins and tilts long after he did, everything appearing off-balance. Save for Castiel, standing in front of him, not dancing anymore.

           That’s why he throws his arms around Castiel’s shoulders, Dean’s mind comforts him with seconds later. For safety. For stability. Since he, too, wasn’t dancing anymore. His legs were useless, bent further than normal. Making him smaller. Forcing him to angle his head upwards to meet his savior’s searching gaze. Lips parted silently, asking a question with the ghost of his breath. Dean thinks he hears an invitation.

           He accepts. Dives headfirst into it, vodka mixing with tequila and a spritz of lime. Castiel tastes better than any drink he’s had. He puts pressure on Castiel’s shoulder, climbing for easier access. Castiel helps; an arm braced around Dean’s waist steadies him. Guides their bodies into a holding pattern, a simple sway that won’t interfere with the others cavorting around them. Serenity made within the chaos of a raging sea; these waves don’t crash. Rather, they tenderly caress the shoreline before retreating in similar fashion. A line of sea foam, like the line of spit generously coating Dean’s mouth, the only proof it even hit.

           Dean breaks from their kiss, panting. His forehead rests against Castiel’s. “That was…” he pauses, testing each word he thinks of and ultimately rejecting them all since they fail to describe what happened. He settles for, “Wow.”

           “It was,” Castiel agrees, “Why’d you stop, then?”

           “I stopped?” Dean sifts through his memories, those last few minutes entirely unforgettable but completely hard to recount. “I did?” he whispers, “Maybe it’s because I’m straight?”

           “Are you sure?”

           “I…” He can be, if he says so. Unfortunately, Dean forgets those little magic words. Trapped in limbo, the space between truths. “I’m not… I don’t know.”

           Cas steps back, enough that Dean sees his entire face instead of those enchanting blue eyes. It eases the worry plaguing Dean’s mind. “Did you enjoy what just happened? What we did?”

           “Yeah.”

           “Then you certainly aren’t straight.”

           Dean nods. He swallows a lump in his throat, feels it tear itself down into his stomach. He imagines blood spouting out of these gashes, building, climbing up in an escape attempt. He chokes on it. It might not be blood. Maybe-blood-maybe-drool leaks from the corners of his mouth as he asks, in a daze, “Does that mean I’m gay?”

           “Or something like it.” Castiel reaches forward, combing through Dean’s sweaty hair in time with the music. “Hey,” he says, “it’s okay if you are. That you like… that you kissed me. It’s okay.”

           It isn’t. Dean knows it isn’t. Not for him. Not with all that’s expected of him. The blueprint of who he’s supposed to be. Who Dean Winchester is. Torn to shreds and raining overhead like the actual confetti that floats down from high above. That were released without notice. Dropped there while he stands, in the middle of the dance floor, petrified by another man’s kiss. Dad’s efforts wasted.

           “It’s okay,” Castiel repeats, “it’s okay…” He drifts further away; but before Dean can whine about his absence, he realizes his feet move, too. Castiel leads him from the belly of this ecstatic, partying mob.

           “Where are you taking me?”

           “Nowhere far, just off the dance floor.” They reach the perimeter, crowd thinned and weak; Cas releases his hold on Dean. Shrugs his shoulders, blessedly smiling at him. “Where you go and... what you do next, well – that’s up to you.”

           He’s unprepared for such freedoms. The simplicity of making a choice. A foreign concept when all your life, every decision was already made for you. For other people. Keys don’t choose which doors they open. Hammers don’t make plans on which nails they’ll hit and which they’ll avoid.

           Dean giggles, overcome by an intoxicating rush of getting to choose without any real consequence. No judgement, no threats, no guilt. If Dean told Castiel that kiss meant nothing and then bolted out of the bar, he would never have to deal with these conflicting thoughts, actions, and feelings. Never need to see Castiel again.

           That isn’t what he wants.

           Dean embraces the confusion because he, Dean, wants to. He kisses Castiel, driving them forward until they hit a wall, because he wants to. Tells him, “I want you,” because he does. Because it’s the truth.

           And Castiel’s truth, “You can have me,” slots perfectly next to his.

           Dean is intimately familiar with the art of kissing. Spent years practicing with ever-changing partners; girls from all over who were probably as bored as Dean felt. Girls who his dad saw and made him beam with pride. Enough girls, so that he called Dean names – different than the ones he thought Dean didn’t know about – like lady killer and chip off the ol’ block. Girls that were good kissers, bad kissers, and mostly unremarkable whatsoever. Dean lost his appetite for kissing, the act not being very fun for him. Not something he might look forward to, even if he said the right things and acted his part perfectly.

           Kissing Castiel wasn’t good. Wasn’t bad. Not unremarkable in the slightest. It elevated the idea of kissing onto another level. A holy act. Placing Castiel on the same level as all his previous entanglements would be similar to heresy.

           This isn’t just a kiss. It’s Dean sticking his face into a fuse box with all the switches flicked on. It’s Dean stepping out into a storm without an umbrella. It’s riding down an empty highway, no cops in sight, and abusing the gas pedal until the speedometer needle vanishes.

           This kiss is apocalyptic, destroying the notion that anyone besides they two existed.

           A hand joins the two roving his body, shaking his arm. Dean laughs, “How’d you do that, Cas?”

           “Dean,” Not-Cas says, “hey, uh… Dean?” He turns, Castiel’s lips adorning his jaw with favor, and finds Sam on his other side. Watching. Aware of what he interrupted, given his pained smile and squinted gaze trapped elsewhere. “Sorry, but I’m…” he clears his throat, “I’m kinda ready to leave, if you… you are?”

           His fingers curl where Castiel’s shirt is rucked up, dangerously teasing the line of his jeans. Castiel rolls his hips, rutting their cocks against each other again. “Yeah,” he tells Sam, “Yeah I can… we can go.”

           Dean extracts himself from Castiel, slowly, taking care to disentangle themselves. Dean flattens Castiel’s mussed hair. He fiddles with the buttons of Dean’s shirts, inexplicably unfastened. Neither speak of how these things happened. “Hey,” he starts, still hovering inside the other man’s personal space, “Um… thank you, for everything. Tonight. From the bar to – uh… to he –!”

           Castiel drags him into a kiss, one Dean returns heartily. His hands grabbing fabric while Castiel’s dance around his hips. Consumed by this, Dean ignores his cell phone being stolen. Only becomes aware of it when Castiel ends their goodbye with a smile, Dean’s phone in hand actively calling someone. “My number,” he explains, flipping his phone shut, “to use whenever. Hopefully soon.”

           “…Thanks.”

           “Good night, Dean.”

           “Night, Cas.”

           He lingers. He opens his phone, closes it, then slips it back into his pocket. Sam mutters an unintelligible phrase at them, shoving Dean from where he stood. Dean blindly navigates his way towards the exit, seeing nothing but Castiel’s shrinking face that disappears once they step outside.

           He expected heat. It’s cold. Not actually, but cooler than the room they left, where bodies and light and energy broke the thermometer. Fresh air brushes his skin, startling Dean from his stupor. Dean jolts awake. His heart plummets down past his ass, chest hollowing. He glances at Sam, about to ask if they ever entered the bar. Or if he hallucinated everything on the walk to it. Dean’s lips purse, then flatten. Sam already walked ahead. He jogs after him.

           No one speaks for half their journey.

           They pass a twenty-four-hour convenience store Dean remembers, and he knows Baby waits a block around the next corner. Sam chooses then to restart their conversation. “Looks like this trip was good for both of us,” he says, hands shoved inside his pockets. He won’t meet Dean’s eyes. “Learned a lot.”

           “Really?” He’s parched. Unbalanced. His feet won’t walk in a straight line, stumbling every few steps. He persists, “What?”

           Sam shrugs, “I might have… over-examined that memory of Trevor.” Sighing, Sam kicks an empty, abandoned can into the street. “I guess I was searching for a reason why Jess and my relationship ended like it did. We were going so strong I… I figured it might have been me. That I wasn’t able to love her the way she needed because I couldn’t.”

           “Sometimes people just don’t work,” Dean tells him, “and no amount of forcing it is gonna fix it.”

           “Yeah…” He spots Baby easily, street deserted save his car and some poor, busted Beetle. Dean searches for his keys, struggling. Sam talks all the while. “And then there are some people who… who click immediately.” Dean tenses, breath stuttering. “How long have you been –?”

           He’s back in the bar. He must be. How else could he hear this overwhelming, earsplitting ringing. The kind that makes him stagger, slump against the closest surface and collapse there into a tiny ball, protected from the voice that somehow talks louder than that goddamn ringing. The monster’s voice. The one that sounds strangely similar to his dad’s. Angrily shouting, calling him names. “I’m not,” he said, as always, “I’m not.”

           Another sound overpowers the monster and that throbbing din. “Dean! Dean, hey… hey-hey-hey-hey Dean… it’s okay… it’s me, Sam. Sammy.” Someone touches his shoulder. Dean flinches from it. “Come on Dean… I won’t hurt you.” Their voice hitches, sounding waterlogged. “Please, Dean… wherever you think you are, you’re not. I promise. I need you, man. Sammy needs you.”

           Look out for Sammy.

           Dean forces himself into the present, a herculean feat as shadowed claws dig at him. Fight his attempts. He pries an eye open, then the other. There’s only Sam. Sam, kneeling in front of him on the sidewalk. Sam who, though he denies it, carries so much of their dad with him it makes staying calm near impossible. Dean sees a reflection of who Sam could be, that dad hoped Dean might be, that Sam wished he never would be. It was the reason why fatherly adoration came effortlessly when it was for Sam, even during days they hardly spoke. Dean acted as their go between. Hearing praise and relaying it; forever the messenger, carrying wounds and scars.

            “Dean, are you… you’re with me, right?” Dean nods, tension melting away. He slides further, knees bumping into Sam’s. A wordless comfort. “Fuck I am so… so sorry. I didn’t, I never meant –“

           “It’s okay.”

           “It’s not okay, Dean. Fuck!” His shout echoes towards the moon, filling the space left by clear California night. “What if I asked you while you were driving, we could have…”

           They might have died.

           “Shit…” Dean hisses, rubbing his throbbing head, willing its silence so he can think. He gets one minutes. He uses it wisely, handing Baby’s keys to Sam. “Take ‘em.”

           “What?”

           “I drank too much anyway.” Wobbling when he rises, Dean proves that true. “You were gonna have to take it, regardless.”

           Sam’s expression softens. In turn, Dean’s skin crawls. “Thank you.”

           “Just go start the damn car.” Dean won’t follow. Rather sharpening his defenses for the inevitable. Bad music. Lawful driving. Plaintive whines and rhetorical questions, all in an attempt at making Dean talk. About tonight. About their childhood. About signs he didn’t see, how it felt being this while in dad’s presence. Sam will push and push and push until he’s flatter than cardboard. Contents neatly organized and fit for storage.

           He hears the soft rumble of Baby’s engine, then that of his phone. A text.

Unknown Number 1 (650) 378-0914: In case you’re wondering, my name is spelled C A S T I E L ;)

           Despite what a whirlwind these past few minutes felt like, Dean laughs. Giggles become snorting which become happier tears rolling across his cheeks, tracing over still-damp lines and erasing them from sight. He clutches his phone atop his heart, figure bent as he now wheezes.

           Dean reigns in his giddiness. Stares at the message, wondering what he will do. Once Dean decides, he realizes his thumb was already halfway done.

           He saves his number under Cas <3. Dean responds, snapping his phone closed quickly before he can reread and second guess.

           Sam honks, watching with interest. A thousand questions waiting, hidden by the curious bend of his brows. Because of Castiel, Dean must face them. Will answer them. Is ready for them.

[offbrandmercyplates]

Ms. Emmibee makes some Greek God AU Emster comics, so I follow immediately with a fanfic WEEEEE

The title of this post kind of says it all, but hey! I’m Yours The Author, and if Ms. Emmibee will allow it, the following story will be posted on my fanfiction and AO3 accounts, sooner or later. Like the first fanfic I posted here, it combines a few of the comics and even some fan art, to an extent (shout out to amee-racle for the inspiration of one of the scenes here!) into a semi-coherrent story. I originally started with an introduction scene that showed the Kore (Emmi) and Hades (Gaster) seeing but not meeting each other for the first time, but I realized the main scene I wanted to get to could be more concise and still deliver most of the same information, so I did some reworking. I hope you like it! This involves the “pomegranate” comic, mentions some stuff related to the “jewels” comic, and has a reference to amee-racle’s fan art of Kore and Hades with flower crowns! See you at the bottom!

The Meeting and the Benefits of Breaking the Rules of the Underworld

“My name is Kore. I’m the goddess of spring,” the floating humanoid in the long dress stated.

The skeleton god stared at her. “I am Hades, the King of the Underworld.” He looked a little prideful when he said that, but his expression quickly reverted to one of bewilderment. “Now I’ll ask again: how did you get down here?”

“You left the cave open when you came down here,” Kore replied.

“…Oh.” It was silent for a few moments, aside from the distant drips of water from the cave’s ceiling and the breeze Kore naturally stirred. Hades slowly pointed behind her. “The exit is that way.”

“I know.”

“…Then why don’t you leave?”

“I don’t wanna.”

“…Why?”

“I wanted to talk to you.”

“Ah, you’re here on business. Very well; what do you wish to discuss?”

Kore held out her cupped hands. In the light of the crystals hanging from the walls and ceiling, a small pile of jewels glittered in her palms. All sorts of stones, in all sorts of colors. “You’re the one who’s been leaving these for me to find, right?” She asked.

“A-ah…” Hades blushed and tightened his grip on his golden staff. “I just—you—you liked that star sapphire I dropped, so I thought I’d let you find more,” he admitted.

Kore shifted the stones around to examine the smooth blue gem with a white star pattern in the middle. “Well… thank you!” she grinned happily, and Hades quickly adjusted his gold-rimmed glasses.

“Y-you’re welcome…”

“And I have something for you!”

“…You do?”

“Yep! I made this for you!” She put the stones away in the pouch tied to her waist, then lifted the flower crown off of her head and placed it over his own shiny crown of metal.

Hades blinked and lifted the flower crown a bit to inspect it. It was a crown of large roses, alternating between yellow blossoms with red tips and lavender blooms. The woven stems weren’t thorny at all, and they didn’t wilt, suggesting they were made with magic. “…Oh.” He slowly let the crown settle on his head. “…Thank you.”

“You’re welcome!”

It was quiet again. The pink and yellow blossoms woven into Kore’s long and wild locks shed their petals into the breeze, only to regrow and repeat the process. It was a very picturesque scene.

If Hades had lips, he’d probably be biting them nervously. This little goddess was stirring… unnecessary feelings, as well as a breeze. “You should probably go—” he began.

“Got any snacks around here?”

“…Wouldn’t… you rather eat the food from above?”

“I want to try new things.”

“Well…” he thought for a moment, then raised his free hand towards the wall of the cave. It shifted open, revealing a path that led to a garden. Kore floated through the garden, technically impolite for not having waited for permission to enter, but forgiven nonetheless. Hades followed after her. “Many from above believe that no life can exist in the Underworld,” he explained. “This is both true and misleading. Plants that die above ground regrow down here; their life force entwining with the Underworld’s logic. The food in this garden can be eaten by gods and even mortals who live above, bUT–!” He gestured wildly for her to stop.

Kore had picked a shiny red pomegranate and ripped it in half with her bare hands, revealing the glistening seeds. She had been about to dig in, but paused and looked up at him, awaiting an explanation. Hades straightened his long black tunic and tried to look calm. “But you must not eat that pomegranate.”

“Huh?” Kore cocked her head to the side, hovering at eye level. “Why not?”

“The pomegranate is sacred here. It represents the very nature of the Underworld: life,” he gestured to the little spring goddess, “and death,” he put a hand to his sternum. “It is connected to the Underworld, just as I am. If you eat its seeds, you will be bound to the Underworld, and…” he blushed, “to me.”

“Ooooh,” Kore hummed.

“Indeed.”

“…”

Without breaking eye contact, Kore shoveled every seed in both halves of the pomegranate into her mouth. Hades’ jaw dropped open, sputtering sounds barely escaping his teeth as she licked the juice from her fingers, still looking him right in the eye sockets.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” He finally managed.

“You just explained to me what it means.”

“YES, BUT—”

“So when should the wedding be?”

“THE WHAT?!”

Kore pulled some of the flowers out of her hair and began to weave them together as if she didn’t just seal her soul to a cave under the ground. “Oh, can we invite my mother, too? I feel like the Goddess of Nature wouldn’t take kindly to not being invited to her daughter’s wedding.”

“M-mother Nature?”

“Mm.”

“She is going to destroy me…” Hades covered his face with his hands.

Kore finished the new crown and set it on her head: an alternating mix of yellow primroses and pink cherry blossoms. “Don’t worry, I won’t let her. Besides, being a goddess bound to the Underworld doesn’t mean I have to be here all the time, right?”

“Well… technically, but—”

“So I can spend some time above ground and spend the rest of the time with you!”

“I—I! I…”

Kore’s smile grew smaller. “Do you not want to…?”

“No! I mean—I… won’t make a very good husband. I’ll disappoint you.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.” She hovered next to him and gently bumped his skull with her head. “C’mon, let’s go say hello to your new mother-in-law!”

“This will not end well…”

***

I don’t know much about the logic of eating food from the Underworld in this AU (Hades specifically mentions the significance of the pomegranate, and that had to have come from somewhere), so I went with the concept that plants that die before their time or under specific circumstances can grow and bear fruit in the Underworld, and anyone can eat any of that food /except/ the pomegranates. In reality, you likely can’t eat any food from the Underworld, but it was just a thought.

Hades can open a cave to go back to the Underworld, but sometimes he forgets to close it behind him, hence how Kore got in.

Flower and jewel symbolism:

Roses generally mean affection, but the color of the rose is often extremely important! Yellow roses with red at the tips of the petals represents falling in love, while lavender-colored roses represent love at first sight.

Star sapphires are often called “the stones of destiny”, and can extend mental focus and knowledge.

Sakura blossoms are practically the living symbol of spring and can represent renewal.

Primroses represent young love, and yellow primroses can represent spring and the sun.

Hades’ “I’ll disappoint you” line is based on something similar he says in a Zarla MercyPlates comic, where Papyrus tells him to be good, and Gaster says something like “I’ll try, but I’ll just disappoint you.” Ah… parallels.

Alright, I think that’s everything. Let me know if it’s okay to post these on my fanfiction and AO3 accounts. I’ll see you around! Keep being awesome! ~~~ No YOU keep being awesome!!! This is absolutely lovely hhhhhh

You’re more than welcome to post this on AO3 and FF. I’ll definitely post it here!

Now to respond to the notes!!

The pomegranate thing is great! The pomegranate symbolism from the comic is actually based on its IRL symbolism, which is similar across many cultures (representing life and death, and also love sometimes), and I think your explanation is really cool!

Hades forgetting to close the cave door is a big mood tbh.

I recognized the “I’ll disappoint you” quote and i CRY

Have I mentioned how much I love flower symbolism??? I LOVE how you used that in this!!

Thank you so much!!!!

[agentofship]

My rewatch AoS 1x11 to 1X15

I am very late for the rewatch so I thought I’d keep doing my rewatch review in blocks of five episodes (or whatever seems relevant). So here we go. With TAHITI, we're starting to get a glimpse of what the rest show is going to be since from that moment on. Except for Yes Men (who still gives an important moment information about May at the end) who really should have been in the first part of the season, every episode will be connected in a more or less big way to the main plot of the season. Like Yes Men who's completely independent or Seeds whose main plot doesn't seem linked until the end when we learn that Iain Quinn was linked to it, this first part of 1B makes the transition between the happy Bus days and the darker tone of the last seven episodes that will continue on in season two. So here's a few thoughts about separate episode: The Magical Place I absolutely love that first scene with the team working together perfectly, each using their own talent, it was perfect. Still love it when people call Fitz "sir" in season one, it's just so funny since he's so tiny 😄 May is really smart in that episode. Everyone did exactly as she had planned without even having to tell them (because she knew FitzSimmons and Ward would help Skye escape) and thus also remaining in Hand's good graces. Agent Skye mini May is adorable! But she really is as smart and ressourceful as May, she just needs to be trained in combat and badassness now! I know it's a very unpopular opinion but Raina annoys the crap out of me with her too sweet smiles and exaggeratedly sexy voice. I mean she's obviously really at getting in men's heads, including Coulson but I just find her… annoying. She gets more interesting after she turns, too bad she didn't last longer after that. Love the Coulson rescue mission, again that was some very good team work. And love the reunion scene, although I know at least Skye wanted a group hug. Love May's side smile and "Nice Jacket". "Bet there's no flower dresses where she's going!" "Amen to that, sister." Love that :D "Disengage bracelet" Coulson's dorkiness really is one of his most endearing traits. Seeds First of all, a big thank you for giving us enough FitzSimmons content for hundreds of FitzSimmons Academy Era fics. Love that FitzSimmons scene where they present each other's work mirroring the scene in the Pilot when they introduce each other, it's adorable. Also love the way their speech is so well rehearsed, it's perfectly flawing between them and I bet even that joke Fitz does was written on paper. "Potential can sometimes be dangerous…" Oh Fitz, you're going to remember that one quite bitterly in a few years. FitzSimmons are so proud of their Academy and being such stars there. I love their competition with Ward and Simmons' "Did you have one of these in ops? Did not think so." Yep, cannot imagine Ops having something so fun! SciTech would have definitely been more my kind of place (except for the fact that I didn't study science at all :p) "My room was just like that." We know it's a lie but it's cute, it's Fitz's slightly awkward way of trying to connect. We know he has trouble making first contact and it looks like he's also kind of thrilled of being someone's hero or even a father figure of sorts. Coulson saying "You're talking, it's weird" is the best. That's some pretty dangerous info we're getting on Skye. They really took their time giving us bits of information all through the first season to focus on it in season two. Love the little robot on the bar at the boiler room, never noticed that before, need to include it in a future fic, it's adorable! Too bad Donnie ended up as he did, he really wasn't a bad person and deserved a redemption arc. Again, May is such a freaking badass. And all this without a single superpower! T.R.A.C.K.S Although there will be some criticizing, keep in mind that this episode still remains one of my favorite episodes of the season and the show as a whole. Love the plot, the humor, the action, the different POVs and that's also some top notch drama at the end. So, first of all, the accents. Even I, a person who only some distant italian relatives, can tell that Ward's one is awful. But at least, he's not supposed to be Italian so that's understandable. But that conductor sounds like a mix between Mario and Jen speaking pretend Italian in IT Crowd (hilarious episode by the way, you should look it up if you haven't :D) Then, that train. You should read @valentinaonthemoon‘s post here about it if you haven't because she points out all that is wrong with the train and its route. But seriously, it's so weird. It's all too big and pretty. I have never seen a restaurant carriage with actual cute little wooden tables and chairs and actual room to walk between the table. And what the hell about the actual bed? I've taken a night train to Venice once, even first class wasn't close to looking like that! Anyway, now moving on to all the good parts. May is the definition of badass in this episode. First casually walking on a moving train and then taking of all the bad guys with the knife they stabbed her in the shoulder with. And I also love the little Philinda moment where she lets him help her but didn't let Ward. Love Fitz summing up every cliche Europeans have about Americans "They have some good shows. Lots of nice teeth." and "Someplace affordable with big portions." His pretend relationship and real friendship with Skye is very very sweet in this. I love all the teasing but also the way he insists she takes the gun and tells her to be careful. Jemma is, once again, very heroic in this. Once more, she takes the conscious decision to sacrifice herself for his friends and Fitz in particular. Of course, that grenade wouldn't have killed them but she didn't know that. So really, during the pod scene, when Fitz is faced with the reality that only one can hope to make it to the surface, his decision is easy. And I think it's not only because he loves her and couldn't bear to live without her anyway, but also because she did twice already and he thinks that's it's his turn now. He's just less lucky about the consequences it has on him. (And ironically, Ward provoked it instead of being here to save the day… but I digress). I love Fitz's reaction after Jemma falls. He doesn't run to her because he's stunned and frozen at the idea that she might be dead. His sigh of relief when Skye tells him she's alive is everything. And also the line about her little face is adorable, especially since I only learned recently that it was ad libed by Iain! I didn't remember how heartbreaking Skye was when she tries to call for help and has no voice left at all. For a moment, she must have thought she was going to die all alone in that scary dark room. I mean, I never was really worried because they weren't going to kill her off but still, that's gut wrenching :s But Jemma for the win though! She's not even a medical doctor and so many people are alive thanks to her! And well, of course, THAT HUG! I mean all of FitzSimmons hugs are wonderful but this one is just… I love how it parallels the one from 4x21 where they don't talk and he just has to reach for her shoulder for her to finally let go and cry in his arms. At first, she doesn't fully hug him because she's afraid of putting blood on him (which is very Jemma-like of her) but then she lets go and he doesn't need to say a thing because it's his presence that comforts her the most. Also, FZZT was the moment he realized his feelings had changed for the first time but this feels important too. This is the first of many hugs and the moment their relationship becomes more physical (not in the sexual sense of the word, just physical). As much as I like to imagine they spent their Academy days falling asleep in the same bed every week, I feel like until now, their friendship was very intellectual with only quick very tame physical displays of affection like the touch of a hand or shoulder. Even that kiss on the cheek seemed something wild in the way he reacted and she hesitated before doing it. After that, we'll see more hugs and more daring touches, culminating into the pod scene. (and then regressing and slowly progressing again in season two B and and three) Because being on the field had taught them how hard things could be and they're like each other comfort blanket for a time, thus the need to be physically closer. T.A.H.I.T.I I love how FitzSimmons are sitting so close together on that couch. I think they both need the comfort of each other's presence because they are the only constant in their ever changing world. They really should have let Ward blame himself here. The way May beat the crap out of Iain Quinn was very satisfying. Love Coulson's progression about Tahiti. "Turned out not so magical" and in the next episode it'll be "It sucked". Well, at least he got to see the real, beautiful Tahiti 😞 Awww Trip. I didn't like him all that much the first time. I mean I found him okay and all but only on the second rewatch that I grew to like him. Other than the fact that he could actually get "Witches weekly's most charming award", he really is just a genuine nice, easy going, good guy. Too bad it made him the perfect candidate for shock value death 😞 Love, love, love that scene with FitzSimmons looking through the files. It's stunning and blue light definitely suits Fitz. I also love him during the mission. We know he's kind of scared and he still doesn't like being on the field but he's brave and funny and adorable. "Not afraid, not yet…" "To certain horrible death? Absolutely" Classical sassy Fitz! One thing that had always bothered me during this mission: Couldn't they use non lethal weaponry to "attack" the base. I mean they're protecting a shady secret but they're still (mostly) agents of SHIELD. And they'd been left to die and be buried under all that rock. I get that Coulson wanted the truth and to save Skye but still … I absolutely love the way they decided to handle the Kree reveal. Make Coulson look terrified and let us imagine all the most horrible things and then only in the end the horrible mutilated corpse. Feels a lot like what Hydra did to Skye's mother by the way and very, very evil :s Yes Men I enjoyed this one more than I thought I would despite it not being the strongest episode and it has a lot to do with Sif being a badass. So, first of all, with all the super advanced technology they have, would an Asgardian really be impressed by a bike?!! Skye saying: "I must look awful". Honestly, makeup department guys? They did a really good job when she was close to death but now she doesn't even look a little pale. She doesn't a little circle under eyes and doesn't even look tired at all. And look at her hair! That's not the hair of someone who had been forbidden to leave her bed for days! Fury is already missing, it's getting serious! Sif is so freaking badass and really aces the super hero landing! Also, she's so extra, like she casually throws a car to provide cover. I love her connection with May and I would totally watch a spin off of them kicking ass together. I like the phrase about people being dangerous when they are controlled and how it's another hint at May's backstory. Okay, so I love Sif throwing a car during the fight scene and I love Coulson calling Sif "your ladyship" but seriously, didn't SHIELD have enough women fighters? Honestly! Jemma is totally right about being mad at Coulson about wanting to know more about GH325. Coulson has a good reason for keeping it in house but he should just tell them for god's sake! At this point, we can see that he's still struggling between the whole following the rules and doing things his way because he no longer trusts SHIELD completely. "Ward is not the man you knew. He will not hesitate to kill you." "He might try but he wont." Yep, yep, yep, you don't know how right you were, May! "Because yes, I am that good!" Fitz was cocky and cute there but really not that wasn't a smart move telling Coulson about Lorelei without knowing if he'd been swayed as well. Libido does take a bit of his genius away :p "He's always getting knocked out, isn't he?" Mmmhhh … okay but how freakishly strong is Coulson if he can knock him out with only one punch? "You were saying?" Honestly, they should have copied that collar to use for all the villains and their long boring speeches. And finally dun, dun, dun! They really did a good job making us paranoid and making us think May could be the villain.

[ofravensandgenesis]

World Building Through Character Creation and Background NPCs

Entry 03. I was thinking over how to build out more plot points for both the underlying bones of original fiction, and also fleshing out ideas for some of the arcs in my ACABH fic. Honestly, adding more characters within reasonable limits seems to really help with that. Even if they’re just characters with a name and a few lines of description, or even just one line of description, it makes for a great springboard point to start tacking on more details. From those details, it’s a lot easier to build out the world around them in various layers. Like for the original fiction world I’m building out right now, creating the character Corwin Blackwood with the helpful input from my friends on how the name sounded, resulted in spinning up a huge chunk of the underlying world order. Originally I was going with just a two-sided state of tension and conflict, but Corwin’s family brings with it a third side that’s caught in the middle—people minding their own business that aren’t actively affiliated with either side. In terms of mechanics, the Blackwoods’ existence brought in some specific broad categories of magical beings, a rudimentary idea of various magical systems with an as of yet undefined overarching universal magic system, and social conflict regarding differing points of view relating to said beings and affiliations with them.

His name is all about his role in the story, with the meaning of his first name being “heart’s friend,” and having had a close if tempestuous friendship with the main character. The last name of Blackwood automatically brings to mind a haunted forest, and as inspired by a Netflix Castlevania fic called Baba by Crownofpins on Ao3 as recommended to me by a friend, and the Blackwoods’ home-locale and name makes me think of the Belmonts. So it was easy enough to consider the Blackwoods tentatively as a family of exorcists/monster-hunters/etc in this rough draft. (The Baba fic is pretty awesome btw, it’s got great elements of old Slavic folklore, obviously Baba Yaga for example, among other things. I shan’t spoil it ofc, but I thought it was a lovely read. Adult content warning for the fic ofc, read the tags, etc.) There’s other external factors that helped bring him about, including other recent media consumption on my part also again in thanks to my friends for recommending them, including Mo Dao Zu Shi and The Legend of The White Snake. (Content warning: Both of those works contain adult content, etc.) They’re both stories of Chinese origin that focus on romances that contain supernatural elements, with The Legend of The White Snake being an old classic tale of folklore. But what’s really fascinating to me is the mythology system that’s at play in the stories—I’m so used to “medieval” fantasy settings being European-influenced landscapes and civilizations, it was really cool to see a more involved Asiatic-inspired one. I’ve certainly seen Asian-mythos-based supernatural movies and series before, but not in this specific niche that’s more fantasy-adventure-ish. Usually the ones I’ve come across are much more heavily leaning into the martial arts category of movies as I’d classify them, or set in more modern-based times. That’s probably just a sign I need to go out and find more content of this sort to consume, honestly. But how the above two works treat the whole spirituality/magic/supernatural aspect is admittedly a huge inspiration point for me for how I’m hoping this original fic’s world will be built, and provides a great starting point to go and try to research more into stories and myths relating to those elements. It also happens to fit in neatly with me being interested in trying to learn a bit more about some of my heritage and culture, being partly of Chinese descent. That’s another thing I know I want Corwin to explore as an additional main character: what does it mean when you’re a part of multiple cultures as a person? What’s that experience like? How does that fact shape how he interacts with his world? I know it has a huge impact on how he’s perceived socially and allows him greater access to magical training via one side of his family having the history for it, and it interests me to think of exploring that in writing. What I’m not certain of is what name to label this general cluster of magical beings as—are they demons? Yaoguai? Spirits? There are associations with each word and name, and giving them a newly made up name would mean severing those ties for better or worse. There are definitely classical monstrous elements in that group, but also a lot of diversity, holding up yet another mirror to the run of the mill humans of that world. What is this group of magical beings specifically in this world’s build? Are they humans that have cultivated themselves spiritually enough to transcend, or is it a reincarnation gig, or something else? I’ll probably have to make another OC or import ideas from mythology to explain where they’re from. With regards to the FC 5 fic though, I’m currently listening to more of the in-game dialogue and commentary as provided by DanaDuchy on their account/channel (also: thanks to DanaDuchy for providing the rest of us such wonderful resources on this and other games/works) and boy the dev team did a wonderful job of just adding more of those little details to help make the setting feel alive. Like it’s honestly really cool to hear the NPCs talk about how haunted the King’s Hot Springs Hotel or the Catamount mines are, how Casey at the Spread Eagle makes the best loose meat/steamer/etc sandwiches and burgers in the entire county, the stories behind the Whistling Beaver Brewery, etc. It’s also pretty grim to hear the tales of all the people the cult’s taken and some of the things other people have seen the cult do, namely killing civilians in gruesomely inventive fashion. Which raises as an interesting problem for me as a fanfic writer is trying to figure out A) how much did the Seeds know about these particular clusters of mass murder, B) did they permit it if they knew about it ahead of time, and C) what purpose does it serve? Currently the answer to A is more than enough because the Seeds not knowing wouldn’t fit this AU nor their character builds in it to go well with the level of importance that the themes of responsibility and consequences carry both in the meta of the fic and in-world for Joshua personally. So that means for B, the Seeds are definitely permitting the additional senseless acts of cruelty noted in the dialogue and conflicted-conversations among the Peggies. Certainly they’re aware at least to some extent if not fully aware of the entirety of it, but I would assume based on the Heralds’ personalities that they all do like to know what their people get up to. They all seem like they would want to know the details of what’s going on for various reasons. I’m leaning towards having the particularly senseless murders be a mix of some acts the Seeds ordered, some acts they left open to interpretation to their followers who then took it to a dark extreme, and some acts were instigated by the followers alone. Basically: humans being humans during chaotic dark times and doing terrible, bad shit. Which leads to the conclusion for Joshua that the Seeds should be more disciplined about keeping their followers in line and not sinking down to this level of pointless evil. He’s not wild about their more purposeful evil acts either and is intent on trying to get them to stop the worst of that, but there are darker gradients of black and grey morality for him there to be more outraged by. So that pretty much wraps up C with the answer of “not much” other than humans being terrible to each other. Perhaps from the villainous perspective it helps terrorize the people of Hope County and whittle down the number of people the cult has to fight now or later, but overall that is still straight up mass murder. ...hm, that reminds me, I need to go tweak a line in a past chapter regarding the population of Hope County. I had it too low for there to be a reasonably-sized if small county aside from the cult’s numbers. Hm. I have the cult at around 1,800ish souls, with their goal being 3,000 total based on in-game commentary from nameless background NPCs, and the line from the Book of Joseph “A few thousand pure souls, whose mission would be to start over and repopulate the earth.” Doing a little quick search, there are some counties even in Montana that according to past censuses had 3,000 or less people in them. For it to feel a bit less likely that the Resistance and civilian population would be easily overwhelmed, it probably should be somewhat higher than the cult, since the county’s numbers will include those who cannot or do not want to fight—that being the old, the young, the ill, etc. Plus if the cult’s being quite so gruesomely wanton in the murdering sprees, that means they aren’t out to absorb the entire county, just most of it. But the cult must also be expecting losses on their side as well since this is a violent conquest they’re undertaking and all of Hope County’s armed to the teeth, if not as necessarily heavily as the cult itself seems to be. We’ll stick the vague number at around 2,400 civilians who are not in the cult for now then and add that to the notes—plus some of the cult’s population is certainly from the county itself pre-Reaping, not including increases that happen during the Reaping with all the active brainwashing, kidnapping, etc. Hm, given some of the generic-NPC-dialogue of how people were forcibly turned to being obedient members of the cult who actually did turn on and shoot their once-allies (and in that dialogue, the brainwashed were also long-time pre-Reaping neighbors of the speaker,) that makes Pratt’s situation in-game all the more interesting. He definitely recognizes the Deputy, whereas it sounded like the aforementioned brainwashed-individuals did not recognize their once-neighbors and friends at all. Pratt’s capable of thinking independent thoughts and he’s remained lucid enough to observe his surroundings and plan an escape, despite going on what sounds like a very dark “hunting trip” Jacob may have taken him on to hunt “deer” which sounds definitely like he was hallucinating in a bad way per his own lines. Jacob apparently isn’t a guy to miss out on using easy symbolism for his enemies, specifically the Whitetail Militia. That was probably not the only “hunting trip” Pratt and the other converts have been on, and that would potentially suggest that the converts are still possibly hallucinating much like how the Deputy is during the first portion of Jacob’s boss fight with the destroy-the-music-beacons visual effects, after exiting the Wolf’s Den. Is Pratt seeing something like that scene though? He doesn’t seem to be triggered by the music box or in the scenes where the music starts playing certainly. He’s surely been exposed to Jacob’s conditioning or at least the trials, and the list his name’s on would strongly suggest he passed his trial, dark as that is. Who did he kill as his sacrifice? Is he perhaps more immune to the Bliss effects? It seems to vary in intensity of how effective it is and how it effects people, based on their susceptibility to it—some factors may include addictive tendencies, personalities, etc, looking at generic-NPC-dialogue in Faith’s region. The sparkles that show up on the screen in addition to the red edges do lend themselves to interpreting that Jacob uses Bliss as part of the brainwashing regime, in addition to the hallucinations Pratt, the Deputy, and others seem to experience. (Also the Judges disappearing in Bliss clouds during the first half of Jacob’s boss fight, etc.) Either way, with the mention of no one expecting Jacob to go easy on Pratt, it seems like Pratt was more resistant to the brainwashing and breaking than Jacob expected, even in light of there being potentially more torment lined up for Pratt than the average captured civilian. (I suspect aside from Pratt’s involvement with the officers who tried to arrest Joseph, Jacob in particular is more likely to not think kindly of police men, given his time in Juvie and the events leading to him being sentenced to doing time, setting him on the path to joining the Army and the ensuing tragedy, and separated from his brothers when they were younger. Also possibly the lack of perceived protection from policemen in the times prior to their father Old Mad Seed’s arrest.) However, it could also be that Jacob deliberately set Pratt up to test his loyalty to Jacob and the Project by giving Pratt the opportunity to help the Deputy escape, instead (or a little from column A, a little from column B.) That music did come on awfully fast after the breakout after all, and perhaps Pratt hadn’t made his sacrifice yet. Maybe the Deputy was meant to be his sacrifice, in a less murderous way of just leaving the Deputy in Jacob’s hands. Seems like Jacob would have mentioned it if the Deputy was meant to be Pratt’s sacrifice by leaving them in the cage to their fate, but on the other hand it would fit the game’s plot and Jacob’s theme real well. Plus Jacob’s a cunning bastard and able to plot this kind of scheme out quite readily, I would say. This all probably means I need to flesh out more of the fic’s world with background NPCs here and there a bit more for the plot. That being said, I’m all excited to be borrowing with permission AU versions of some of my friend’s OCs for this. It’s definitely a new addition to the plotting that I hadn’t started out with, but feels like they’d fit in well with the plot overall. Two of the OCs will have a significant impact on Jacob as a character across his entire timeline in the past, present, and future. It’ll be an interesting challenge to deal with that, since while I do want to try to interpret the characters as close to their original canon lines and outlooks as possible, I feel this addition does open up more preexisting lines for Jacob that do fit the hints we get of his internal workings from in-game. It’ll mean he’s got more development in certain areas of his psyche and mental state, but a little bit of twisting here and there still keeps it all in line with the initial interpretation this AU’s got for him. I do feel the addition of the OCs will help bring Jacob to be more emotionally involved than he potentially was to begin with before the real-world-now with the intended future events of the fic, and this creates much more potential for up-close-and-personal levels of emotional exploration for the entire lot of them, both positive and negative emotions. ...oo, we might get to see Jacob actually losing his cool on-screen externally as a result of possible plot happenings. That could lead to an entire mess of the entire Seed family being angry and yelling at each other, creating emotional development. It’s really quite fascinating to try to work out how to get a group to actually get along well with characters like Faith, John, Joseph, and Jacob who are often at odds with each other. All while dealing with their rampant personal issues. Still something to study and test out for other original writings—haven’t quite learned how to take that kind of group dynamic apart and construct something from that inspiration yet. But definitely learning as we go. Back to listening to more NPC dialogue recordings though.

[paleorecipecookbook]

Meal Prep: Your Best Tool for Healthy Eating

One of the main reasons why people are unable to stick with Paleo is that they feel overwhelmed; the grocery shopping and cooking involved can certainly be a major adjustment if you’re not used to preparing your own meals. Fortunately, there is a simple way around this potential roadblock and to make your diet changes stick—start meal prepping!

In this article, I’ll cover the art and science of meal prepping, as well as provide you with valuable tips and tricks for making the Paleo lifestyle affordable and time-saving, even if you’re on a strict budget and tight schedule.

Want to skip ahead? Use these links to jump to a new section:

Why meal prepping makes sense

Five steps to successful meal prepping

The best foods to use

Other ideas to help you meal prep

Why It Makes Sense to Meal Prep

Why should you start meal prepping? Simply put, meal prepping saves you time and money and, by ensuring that you have good-quality meals to eat on a daily basis, helps you stick to your diet!

If you want to start meal prepping but you’re not sure where to begin, this article is for you. Get time- and money-saving tips and learn how to plan and prep your Paleo meals successfully. #nutrition #wellness #chriskresser

You Save Time

The thought of having to cook 21 separate meals every week (breakfast, lunch, and dinner times seven) can seem daunting to Paleo newcomers. Because it’s simple to batch cook foods ahead of time, rather than making complete meals from scratch every day, meal prepping saves you valuable time in the kitchen.

You Save Money

The costs associated with regularly buying takeout or eating at restaurants really add up (and such food, unless you pay a premium, is typically lower in quality). Meal prepping, on the other hand, saves money because it involves cooking at home with ingredients that you can easily buy affordably in bulk. (Keep reading to learn more strategies for eating Paleo on a budget.)

You Prevent “Decision Fatigue”

For many of us, our action-packed days are a series of decision-making sessions that leave us exhausted and deplete our willpower—leading to “decision fatigue.” Decision fatigue can make us more likely to lounge on the couch and order takeout after work than hit the gym and cook a wholesome meal. By deciding on all your meals in advance, meal prepping reduces decision fatigue and frees up some of your willpower, helping you stay on track with your diet and your other health-related goals.

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Five Steps to Successful Meal Prepping

While meal prepping pays off, it does require some planning on your part. In this section, I've provided you with handy guides, tips, and tricks to make each of these steps as painless and straightforward as possible.

Step 1: Clean Out Your Kitchen

The first step towards successful meal prep is to get rid of foods in your fridge, freezer, and pantry that aren’t serving your health. Toss or give away items like processed foods, industrial seed oils, and refined sugar. Get rid of items that have already been opened and donate unopened items to a food pantry. And before you panic that your shelves will be bare, remember that you’ll be replacing these foods with healthy staples!

Prepping for the Thirty-Day Reset Diet

If you’re brand new to the Paleo lifestyle and are unsure about the types of foods you can tolerate, I recommend trying a Thirty-Day Reset, as outlined in my book The Paleo Cure.

To start, you eliminate unhealthy foods and potentially problematic foods for 30 days. Then you systematically reintroduce those possibly problematic foods to determine which ones you can tolerate. This diet is specifically designed to reduce inflammation, identify food sensitivities, and reduce allergic reactions—in addition to improving your overall health.

If you’re beginning a Thirty-Day Reset, eliminate these foods (at least temporarily):

Alcohol

Coffee

Dairy products like butter, cheese, yogurt, milk, and cream

Grains, including rice, wheat, oats, quinoa, barley, and couscous

Beans, legumes, and related products like peanut butter and soy sauce

Chocolate

Processed “health foods” like whey protein and energy bars

All sweeteners, whether they’re real or artificial

What to Do If You’re on a Paleo Template

Not everyone needs to follow a Thirty-Day Reset. If you already have a good idea of which foods you can and can’t handle, a Paleo template might be a better fit for you.

Under a Paleo template, your main focus should be on getting rid of packaged, processed food. Eliminate foods made with industrial seeds oils and goods that include hidden sweeteners or food additives. While there are some healthy packaged foods out there (and you should check the ingredient label if you’re unsure), a good general rule is if it comes in a bag or a box, throw it out.

Here are some common items to toss:

Sugary beverages like juice, soda, energy drinks, and sweet teas

Seed oils, like vegetable, peanut, or canola

Margarine and Crisco

Packaged meals like pizza, french fries, and frozen dinners

Imitation meat or seafood

Boxed pastries and other packaged baked goods

Canned soups, unless they’re free from preservatives, processed ingredients, and other additives

Breakfast cereals and snack bars

Dips, dressings, seasoning mixes, marinades, and gravies

Chips and crackers

Candy, cookies, cakes, pudding, and other desserts

Syrups, including processed pancake syrups, sorghum syrups, etc. (Note: real maple syrup is okay)

Processed honey (Note: raw, local, and organic honey is fine)

Step 2: Restock with Healthy Staples

Once you’ve eliminated those foods from your kitchen, it’s time to restock with healthy staples.

Non-Starchy Vegetables

Non-starchy vegetables are a nutritious and affordable staple in the Paleo lifestyle. Stock your fridge and freezer with fresh or frozen broccoli, cauliflower, brussels sprouts, green onions, bell peppers, and leafy greens.

Whole Fruits

Whole fruits such as berries, apples, pears, bananas, mango, pineapple, and citrus fruits are excellent sources of vitamin C and phytonutrients. They make a great snack on their own or can be added to smoothies. However, avoid fruit juice because its lack of fiber allows fruit sugars to be absorbed more rapidly, resulting in spikes in blood glucose levels. In fact, diets heavy in fruit juice are linked to an increased risk of insulin resistance and type 2 diabetes, whereas whole fruit consumption does the very opposite, reducing the risk of type 2 diabetes. (1)

Starches

Starchy plants such as sweet potatoes, white potatoes, plantains, winter squash, taro, cassava, beets, turnips, and rutabaga are affordable, nutrient-dense, satiating foods to include in your diet. Stock up on these vegetables when they’re available seasonally; many of the tubers and root veggies will keep for quite a while when properly stored in the refrigerator. If you have trouble finding some of the more exotic tubers at your grocery store, consider checking out Asian markets, which frequently stock taro and cassava.

Protein

High-quality protein is a staple of the Paleo diet and can be prepped ahead of time. Purchase grass-fed and organic beef, bison, chicken, turkey, and eggs from your grocery store or farmers market or directly from local farms. Check out EatWild to find farms near you offering grass-fed and organic meats. I also recommend eating wild seafood several times a week as a source of omega-3 fatty acids, vitamin D, selenium, and many other micronutrients. Thrive Market and Vital Choice both offer excellent selections of wild, sustainable seafood.

Healthy Fats

As you may know by now, Paleo encourages the consumption of plenty of healthy fats such as olive oil, coconut oil, red palm oil, avocado oil, pastured tallow and lard, and duck fat. Select a few of these fats and keep them on hand for sautéing, roasting, baking, and dressing salads.

Nuts

Nuts and nut butter make for a great Paleo snack. If possible, buy soaked and sprouted nuts because these processes remove much of the anti-nutrients from nuts, making their nutrients more bioavailable. You can also soak and sprout raw nuts yourself at home. Avoid buying roasted nuts covered in vegetable oils, as the roasting process causes the fats to go rancid.

Spices

Spices can quickly add interest to any Paleo dish. Invest in a spice rack and stock it with staples such as oregano, thyme, rosemary, cinnamon, and turmeric.

Baking Ingredients

If you’re planning to do any Paleo baking, then you’ll want to stock your pantry with a few Paleo flours and sweeteners. Try cassava, almond, coconut, and tigernut flours for baking Paleo cookies, brownies, or cake. Coconut flakes are a nice addition to homemade Paleo granola. Keep cans of full-fat coconut milk (preferably a BPA-free version such as Native Forest Simple Organic Unsweetened Coconut Milk) on hand along with Paleo-friendly sweeteners such as raw honey, maple syrup, stevia, coconut sugar, molasses, and monk fruit sweetener.

Other Paleo Template-Friendly Foods

Depending on your personal Paleo Template, you can also stock up on things like white rice, buckwheat, full-fat dairy products, legumes, and chocolate. Just look for organic products that aren’t processed or refined.

Step 3: Plan Your Meals

Now that you’ve eliminated unhealthy foods and restocked your kitchen with healthy staples, it’s time to start planning your meals! This part of the meal-prepping process is fun, will save you time in the kitchen, and will even tempt you to try new tastes and flavors.

Start by planning your meals on a weekly schedule. You can do this in one of two ways.

Old-School Style

Take a pen and paper and figure out how many breakfasts, lunches, and dinners you will need for the upcoming week. Factor in things like date nights, meals with clients, and travel. Once you know how many meals you’ll need for the week, decide what to eat for those meals. See the sections “What makes a good meal?” and “Which foods work best for meal prepping?” below for ideas. Make a grocery list based on your notes.

Use a Meal-Prepping App

There are many useful apps that will help you with meal prep—and some are even tailored specifically for Paleo. These apps provide you with recipes, chart out your meal schedule for the coming week, and automatically generate a grocery shopping list based on your meal plan. (Check out Step 4 below for an overview of my favorites.)

Once you’ve laid out your meal plan for the week, display it in a place where everyone in your household can see it. This way, you can get input from them and ultimately create weekly meal plans that will make everyone well fed and happy.

After the first few weeks of planning meals regularly, I realize it can be easy to fall into a rut, using the same few recipes repeatedly. But dietary diversity is crucial for meeting our nutrient needs and for feeding our gut microbes, so I recommend introducing new foods and recipes regularly. Start by adding one new vegetable per week and work your way up from there.

What Makes a Good Meal?

What exactly should the meals on your meal plan look like? First and foremost, choose nutrient-dense, whole foods. To learn more about how to select nutrient-dense foods, read my article “What Is Nutrient Density and Why Is It Important?”

Secondly, try to create meals that contain a balance of carbohydrates, fat, and protein. Eating well-balanced meals promotes satiety, modulates your body’s blood sugar response, and even enhances nutrient uptake from food. For example, eating protein with carbohydrates moderates the spike in insulin caused by dietary glucose, and consuming fat with vegetables enhances the absorption of fat-soluble nutrients such as carotenoids. (2, 3)

While I typically don’t advise people to count calories or obsess over macronutrient ratios, some people need to do so for health reasons. If you are one of those people, I highly recommend using a meal planning app to make the process easier.

Step 4. Use an App

The amount of planning involved with meal planning is significant, but fortunately, there is a way to make it infinitely easier—meal planning software and apps. I’ve taken the guesswork out of selecting the best ones for Paleo meal planning by creating this list.

AnyList App

AnyList collects and organizes recipes and adds them to a meal plan calendar. It then generates a grocery shopping list that you can easily edit and share with friends and family.

Cook Smarts

In addition to creating weekly meal plans, Cook Smarts also offers helpful cooking guides, infographics, and online cooking sessions.

eMeals

eMeals lets you choose from a variety of different meal plans (including a Paleo plan, of course). Each meal plan includes recipes with main and side dishes, a shopping list, and step-by-step instructions.

Mealime

Mealime produces weekly meal plans with over 200 personalization options.

Keto Diet Tracker

The Keto Diet Tracker app is helpful for tracking net carbs and storing recipes for those following a keto diet.

Nom Nom Paleo App

The Nom Nom Paleo app has nearly 150 recipes, 2,000 step-by-step photos, and a Whole30-friendly monthlong meal plan and generates customizable shopping lists, all for a low cost.

Paleo Leap Meal Planner

This app includes only Paleo-friendly recipes—every single one is free of gluten, grains, legumes, sugar, soy, and corn. The app offers over 1,500 recipes, generates grocery lists, and lets you set your own food preferences and restrictions; for example, you can indicate if you’d like low-FODMAP, egg-free, or autoimmune protocol-friendly recipes.

Paleo.io

The Paleo.io app answers a simple question: Is it Paleo? It helps users determine whether a given food is Paleo or not using a database of over 3,000 foods. It also includes hundreds of Paleo-approved recipes. This app is particularly helpful for those who are new to Paleo.

Paprika

The Paprika app helps you organize recipes, make meal plans, and create grocery lists. Paprika’s built-in browser allows you to save recipes from anywhere on the internet so you can create your ideal meal plan.

Plan to Eat

Plan to Eat allows you to add your own recipes from anywhere on the internet into a recipe book. You can then drag and drop recipes into a calendar to plan out your meals for the week. The app also generates a grocery list for you based on your planned recipes.

RealPlans

RealPlans creates and organizes recipes, develops a weekly menu, and generates grocery lists so that you can get healthy, delicious food on the table. If you need to track your macros, Real Plans has you covered. A subscription will give you access to all the app’s meal plans (Classic, Dairy-Free, Gluten-Free, Paleo, Keto, autoimmune protocol, and more) and over 1,500 recipes. You can add on recipes from well-known food bloggers for an additional fee.

Yummly Recipes and Recipe Box

Yummly takes a cue from Instagram, allowing you to browse through a photo gallery of recipes and save them to your own digital cookbook. Yummly also uses a proprietary program called Food Genome and a patent-pending technology called Food Intelligence to recommend recipes to users based on their allergies, tastes, and more.

Step 5: Cook Your Meals

You’ve cleaned out your kitchen, restocked it with healthy foods, and created a meal plan—now it’s time to start cooking! Here are a few simple strategies that will make it easier for you to follow through on your commitment to stick with Paleo.

Set Aside Time for Grocery Shopping and Meal Prepping

For many people, Sundays work best. You may also want to consider doing your shopping and main meal prep session on a Sunday and a second, smaller meal prep session mid-week to keep your fridge stocked with fresh options. Use a list when grocery shopping and check off items as you add them to your cart.

Organize Your Recipes

Organizing the recipes you intend to use in meal prepping will save you time in the kitchen. The meal prep apps I mentioned above make organizing your recipes easy, but you may also want to keep a few cookbooks in your house and print out recipes from blogs and websites and collect them in a binder. Find 15 to 20 recipes that you really enjoy and rotate them throughout the weeks (and check out some of my favorite Paleo-friendly recipes).

Keep Things Simple

You don’t need to cook an elaborate meal to satisfy your nutritional needs and appetite! Uncomplicated meals should be a staple in your weekly meal plans. For example, a high-quality protein source; steamed or roasted veggies with salt, pepper, and some healthy fat; and a sweet potato can make for a wholly satisfying and effortless meal.

Incorporate Leftovers into Your Weekly Meal Plan

Don’t be afraid of leftovers! Eating leftovers is an easy way to cut down on meal prep and prevents food waste. Label and date leftovers so you keep track of what’s in your fridge and freezer. And speaking of the freezer, use it! When you batch cook (see next item), you’ll have extras that you can stash away for later.

Batch Cook

Batch cooking, including doubling and tripling your favorite recipes, is a critical component of food prepping and can be applied toward many types of foods. For instance, bake several batches of egg muffins at a time to have around for breakfasts or roast a bunch of sweet potatoes to use as sides throughout the week.

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Which Foods Work Best for Meal Prepping?

Some foods are more suitable for meal prepping than others; for example, roasted sweet potatoes hold up well to reheating, whereas pre-dressed salads quickly wilt in the refrigerator. In this section, I’ve outlined some of the best foods to include in your meal prepping process.

Meat

Cook chicken, turkey, beef, bison, or game meat in a slow-cooker. Shred the meat and set aside to use in stir-fries, in Paleo tacos, on top of salads, or in soup.

Sauté ground turkey, chicken, or beef in a pan with garlic, onion, and sea salt. Use the ground meat in Paleo “taco” salads, on top of spiralized vegetables, or in hearty stews.

Bake chicken breasts, wild salmon fillets, burgers, or meatballs in batches. Use them throughout the week with roasted or sautéed veggies, salad, and starchy vegetables as sides.

Eggs

Hard-boil a dozen eggs. Hard-boiled eggs are ideal for a quick and easy breakfast and are also an excellent portable snack.

Vegetables

Roast sweet potatoes, white potatoes, winter squash, and root vegetables in batches. These vegetables hold up well to reheating and are nutrient-dense sources of carbohydrates.

If you tolerate white rice, make large quantities in a rice cooker or Instant Pot.

Cruciferous vegetables, such as broccoli, cauliflower, and brussels sprouts, also hold up well to reheating throughout the week.

Sauces

Make several sauces to use throughout the week. Salsa, guacamole, gremolata, and chimichurri are just a few examples of Paleo-friendly sauces that can be made ahead of time and quickly spice up any meal.

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Four Meal Prepping Tips and Tricks

Now that you know the basics of meal prepping, you’re well on your way towards saving time in the kitchen and eating well.

To build on your new skills and help you stay on track with Paleo eating, here are more ideas you can use, including strategies for how to shop Paleo on a budget, where to buy healthy staples and fresh ingredients, how to shop seasonally, and—when home-cooking isn’t on the menu—recommendations for Paleo meal delivery services.

1. Stick to a Budget

Shopping Paleo can be expensive if you don’t know how to grocery shop to your advantage. With the tips I’ve outlined here, you can successfully shop Paleo on a budget while still filling your cart with high-quality, nutrient-dense foods.

Buy conventional instead of organic (for some produce). Organic produce is ideal because it reduces our exposure to harmful pesticides and herbicides. However, costs can really add up when buying nothing but organic foods. If this is a problem for you, check out the Environmental Working Group’s Clean 15 and Dirty Dozen lists to determine which conventionally grown fruits and vegetables are lowest in pesticides and thus safe to buy conventional rather than organic.

Whether you buy organic or conventional produce, thoroughly wash your produce before eating. Almost no food is completely free of pesticides. The most effective way to remove pesticides from produce is by washing produce in a baking soda bath. (4) To wash vegetables, fill a large bowl with water and add a teaspoon of baking soda. Add the veggies and soak for 10 to 15 minutes. Scrub with a scrub brush and then rinse under clean water. For leafy greens, soak in a baking soda bath for a minute, thoroughly rinse, and then spin dry in a salad spinner. Wash smooth-skinned fruits (like apples and nectarines) in a baking soda bath like you would for veggies.

Here are some more money-saving tips:

Buy frozen produce. Buying frozen produce saves money while still providing you with nutrient-dense food; most fruits and vegetables are flash-frozen immediately after picking, thus preserving the nutrients they contain.

Buy in-season produce. Out-of-season produce is typically shipped from distant locations, including other continents, increasing costs. It’s also generally picked before it’s allowed to ripen (so that it can be transported without bruising or other damage), and that can impact its nutrient content if it’s improperly stored or subjected to temperature extremes.

Start a garden. Growing your own produce takes some work, but it ultimately is a really low-cost way to obtain organic fruits and vegetables.

Buy lower-quality cuts of meat. You don’t need to buy expensive cuts of meat to eat Paleo. For example, ground beef and brisket are cheaper than filet mignon but have the same nutritional value. In fact, some of the so-called “less desirable” cuts of meat may actually have higher nutritional value than pure muscle meat; for instance, nutritious gelatin-rich cuts of meat such as chuck roast and beef shank are often cheaper than cuts such as sirloin.

Choose more affordable species of wild fish, such as wild sardines instead of wild salmon.

Make eggs a staple in your diet. Eggs are a very economical protein source, including high-quality, farm-fresh eggs from a local source.

Buy in bulk. Many bulk grocery stores now offer many healthy options, including organic produce, wild seafood, and pastured meats, at lower prices than regular grocery stores. Consider buying a quarter, half, or or whole animal for meat directly from a rancher or farmer instead of single cuts from the grocery store; while you’ll need to invest in a chest freezer, this strategy can significantly reduce the cost of meat.

2. Shop Around for Healthy Food

Contrary to popular belief, Whole Foods is not the only place you can buy healthy food! All the stores listed here have excellent selections of healthy, Paleo-friendly foods. Even your local grocery store is likely to have some options.

Trader Joe’s

Natural Grocers

Sprouts Farmers Market

Super Target

Wegmans

Harris Teeter

Hannaford

Albertsons

Food Lion

Publix

Pathmark

Kroger

Aldi

Lidl

Costco

Sam’s Club

Farmers Markets

Don’t forget about your local farmers market! Farmers markets offer fresh produce, meat, and (depending on where you live) seafood at lower prices than most grocery stores. You might also want to investigate a CSA—community supported agriculture—in your area from which you can purchase a subscription to locally raised foods including produce and meat, delivered weekly or monthly.

Online

Healthy grocery shopping can now be done online as well as in person. The following online grocery stores offer organic, healthy options and deliver right to your door:

Thrive Market

Vitacost

AmazonFresh

Shop Seasonally

Shopping seasonally is a great way to tune in with your local food system and save money. Check out the Seasonal Food Guide to find out what produce is in season near you.

3. Use Real Food Delivery Services

If you are really tight on time but still committed to eating healthy meals, you may want to consider a Paleo “real food” meal delivery service. There are countless options out there, but I’ve curated the very best in this list.

Beetnik Foods

Beetnik Foods meals are certified Paleo friendly, delivered nationwide, and also available in select health food and grocery stores.

ButcherBox

ButcherBox delivers 100 percent grass-fed and grass-finished beef, heritage breed pork, and free-range, organic chicken. That can help if you’re short on time or if you’re struggling to find a local provider of grass-fed meat.

Caveman Chefs

Caveman Chefs offers both meal delivery services and catering. It is based in Colorado but ships nationwide. Choose from meals that are Whole30 approved, autoimmune protocol, low FODMAP, and ketogenic.

Factor 75

Factor 75 meals are premade, 100 percent organic, and free of hormones, GMOs, and antibiotics. Choose from bundles of four, six, eight, 12, or 18 meals.

Green Chef

Green Chef provides you with prepped ingredients to cook three two-person Paleo dinners (or two four-person dinners on the family plan) each week. All recipes are organic and gluten-free, feature protein and fresh veggies, and contain zero grains or dairy.

Kettlebell Kitchen

Kettlebell Kitchen meals are free of artificial ingredients, preservatives, gluten, dairy, soy, corn, industrial vegetable oils, and refined sugar. Some of the meals contain non-Paleo ingredients that are tolerated by many people, including white rice, lentils, and gluten-free oats.

Paleo On The Go

Paleo On The Go operates out of a completely gluten-free kitchen and specializes in Paleo and autoimmune protocol-friendly frozen premade meals that can be delivered nationwide. You can purchase meals individually or in bundles.

Paleo Power Meals

Paleo Power Meals offers premade meals with generous portions that pack a large amount of protein.

Pete’s Paleo

Pete’s Paleo offers seasonally inspired, farm-fresh prepared Paleo meals. Order bundles of five, 10, 14, or 20 meals in vacuum-sealed packages from anywhere in the United States.

Sunbasket

Sunbasket allows you to select three two- or four-person meal kits per week without gluten, grains, soy, corn, added sugar, or dairy. The ingredients and recipes are delivered fresh so you can cook great meals without any planning or shopping.

The Good Kitchen

The Good Kitchen sources organic produce almost exclusively from local farms in North Carolina (where its operation is based) and delivers its refrigerated and frozen meals nationwide.

Trifecta Nutrition

Trifecta Nutrition provides ready-to-eat dinners and lunches that are non-GMO, 100 percent organic, and free of sugar, grains, gluten, dairy, and soy. You can also upgrade to add breakfasts and additional entrées or choose build-your-own meals.

TrueFare

TrueFare uses the highest-quality ingredients in their meals, including organic produce, grass-fed beef, heritage pork, and organic or free-range poultry. They offer Paleo-, keto-, autoimmune protocol-, and Whole30-friendly meal plans.

4. Stock Your Kitchen with the Essentials

To successfully meal prep, you’ll need to stock your kitchen with some essential tools. This includes basic tools that everyone should have in their kitchen, Paleo-specific items, cookware and bakeware, and maybe some “nice to have” extras for when you decide to get creative with cooking.

Kitchen Basics

Measuring cups

Measuring spoons

Potholders

Kitchen towels

Vegetable peeler

Spice rack

Cutting boards

Chef’s knife

Slotted spoons

Spatula

Ladle

Utensil holder

Mixing bowls

Glass storage container

Wooden spoons

Paleo Kitchen Essentials

Meat cleaver

Paring knife

Whisk

Grater

Probe meat thermometer

Hand-held lemon squeezer or citrus reamer

Mason jars

Salad spinner

Cheesecloth or cotton/linen fine mesh towel

Potato masher

Tongs

Food processor

Blender

Immersion blender

Cookware and Bakeware

Sauté pan

Saucepan

Skillets

Baking dishes

Stockpot

Soup pot

Dutch oven

“Nice to Have” Items

Kitchen shears

Pepper mill

Mandoline

Muffin tin and muffin liners

Ramekins

Spoon rest

Meat grinder

Hand mixer

Mortar and pestle

Slow cooker

Sous vide

Dehydrator

Spiralizer

Fermentation pot

Juicer

Spice grinder machine

Garlic press

Tool for making your own meat jerky (such as LEM Products 468 Jerky Cannon)

Food processor

Instant Pot

Countertop toaster oven or convection oven

Water Filter

For drinking and cooking water, I recommend investing in a high-quality water filter. Berkey water filtration systems sit conveniently on your countertop and remove viruses, pathogenic bacteria, cysts, and parasites to undetectable levels. They also reduce heavy metals without eliminating beneficial minerals. Additional white filters can be added to remove fluoride. If you want to filter your home’s entire water supply, you may want to consider a reverse osmosis filter instead.

Food Storage

Once you’ve prepped your meals, you’ll need containers for storing everything. Since plastic containers contain chemicals that are known endocrine disruptors, I prefer people use glass storage dishes with BPA-free lids.

For wrapping up foods, use unbleached parchment paper or beeswax-coated reusable food wrap (such as Bee’s Wrap) instead of conventional plastic wrap, which may leach endocrine disrupting chemicals into your food. (5) Finally, try reusable silicone storage bags (such as Stasher bags) instead of plastic freezer/storage bags, which may also contain endocrine-disrupting plasticizers.

Back to Top

Now I’d like to hear from you. Do you practice food prepping? If not, do you think you’ll try the food-prepping strategies I’ve outlined in this article? Let me know in the comments below.

The post Meal Prep: Your Best Tool for Healthy Eating appeared first on Chris Kresser.

Source: http://chriskresser.com February 12, 2019 at 06:10PM

[covdiggingdeep]

Rosie Bolton, Greg Muldoon and Nora, backgarden in Stoke, Coventry. Plot taken on August 2020. Greg: We’ve been out here quite a bit since we last saw you. Over the summer I’ve been managing five different gardens and Rosie has had so much on with work. Rosie: I planted loads of seeds and they all came up really nicely but then they all died because it got really hot. We’ve been away, too. Greg: All things considered we’ve had a lot from here and everything that’s gone in the ground has been successful. The Alys Fowler-esque side of the garden is all thriving. We’ve been getting lots of fresh herbs out of there all the time. Rosie: I’ve got a fancy new apple tree which is still a baby, it was from the apple tasting day at Food Union, it was one of the ones which are red all the way through. That’s my highlight of the season. I’ve got a grapevine in the bathtub over there. Greg: The bathtub has kind of been the main focus, we’ve got the really nice smelling rose bush. Rosie: It’s a really beautiful smell and a proper deep red colour. When I bought it it said it was ‘highly scented, smells like over-ripe pears’ which sounds disgusting but actually it’s really nice. We’ve got a random sweetcorn in there because it didn’t have anywhere else to go. I didn’t think it would even take off. It’s a rainbow corn, a maize one. Greg: I think that’s the thing with a lot of the food growing in this garden is that a lot of it has just been leftovers. It’s all stuff that we couldn’t find places for in other gardens. Rosie: I’ve bought a few things for myself. The sunflowers self-seeded. The ones we planted didn’t do that well but both of the giant ones self-seeded and we didn’t pull them up. Greg: We save the seed-heads for the birds, maybe save a few seed for us. Rosie: I guess because they self-seed they have a bit of a head start. They go along with the season. Greg: Nora helps depending on what mood she’s in. She loves watering and harvesting. She demands beans everyday! She had her first sweetcorn from the garden this morning. How was the sweetcorn Nora? Nora: Good. I feel better now. Sweetcorn! It was hot. Burnt myself. Hot. Greg: I’ve been organising lots of plant and seed swaps and so I’ve been picking different things up. We’ve got some barbecue rosemary here which is really interesting. The sweetcorn we’re growing is black maize, the beans we were growing is a heritage variety called Golden Gate. The parsnips were from the Bedworth Seed Swap which were a heritage variety. Rosie: Carrots are heritage as well. I got some from the Real Seed Company. Greg: We still have an allotment in Rugby. I think going forward, what I’ve learnt trying to tend a lot of these spaces, and also reacting to the way the climate is changing, is that there’s been more reflection on how we do things this year. Maybe typical allotment-ing standards are going to change a little bit. Less mono-cultures. I’m looking more into agro-forestry now - lots of perennials and wild natives and keeping the entire ground covered but with lots of varieties of different plants. Not just rows of beetroot then rows of carrot then rows of parsnip. It’ll be more like soft fruits with different vegetables growing around it. Reflecting on walking through a forest and how you don’t necessarily see the same variety of plants growing in one place. It’s always a mix. I want the allotment space to reflect that and possibly the same in the garden. Rosie: My main thing I have to say since we last spoke is that the weather has just been insane and everything has been getting scorched. Greg: We’ve known it’s coming for a while. Rosie: Some houses are set up so you can see the garden when you’re not in the garden and you’re constantly there. Ours are not so much as it’s down the side, it’s a bit disconnected. It would be nice for it to be more connected to the rest of the house somehow. There are various ways we can’t afford. Greg: We choose low maintenance stuff to plant here, things we can leave, like sweetcorn and squashes, beans, soft fruit. But even that could’ve gone better, which is why I mention agro-forestry. The way we treat the allotment needs to change. Going a couple of times a month isn’t enough. It’s not practical for growing some of the stuff we want to, so we need it to be even more low maintenance and self-sufficient. Self-seeding flowers and lots of herbs and things that can over-winter. Things that aren’t reliant on lots of water.What’s nice about having the side that Rosie’s been focusing on is there’s loads of things to pick, we’ve been making really nice herby salads. Rosie: I can’t remember the last time we bought a bag of salad leaves. We’ve had this lettuce here as a cut and come again. Lots of mint, too. I sow things I like to eat. There’s loads of stuff here popping up that was obviously planted before we moved in, so we still find surprises. Yellow raspberries are self-seeding still from next door’s bush. Greg: The raspberries finished really early this year, last year we were still eating them way into September. They stopped around July this year. We want the back garden to reflect how we feel about our food source. We like to try and source as much food that is as fresh and organic as possible with as little plastic as possible. It’s nice to walk out here and see what you’ve got. Rosie: It’s handy as well. I get into ruts where I’m unimaginative about dinners and if there’s something you’ve got lots of then its a good starting point. I made parsnip cakes the other day. Greg: Often I don’t know what my salads are going to look like but I come out and see we’ve got feverfew, chard, mint, lettuces, carrot tops, beetroot leaves, rosemary, sage, edible flowers, marigold, borage, then all of a sudden it’s like ‘man! This salad is 20 plants deep!’ Rosie: And really intense! Greg: You feel good afterwards. Advice wise, if you’re going to grow food in the back garden, make sure its an aesthetic you’re going to find pleasing. Sometimes allotment spaces just look like work which can feel disheartening. Your garden wants to be a place of sanctuary and a place of peace. Think about plants that are visually pleasing as well as being tasty and edible. Rosie: It’s nice having birds as well. They’re nice to look at. We want to work on that more. Greg: They fertilise the ground, it’s important for biodiversity.

[wattpadgirlll-blog]

The First “Chapter” in Shattered Reality

The First Prologue

On a planet that is surrounded by many friends, and one that orbits around little moonlets and baby-stars, there are three magical kingdoms. Planets in the Universe are many, but the one that one may focus on just now looks, really, a bit like Earth.

Blue, with large blobs of green - very simple, except for the facts that there are rather many strokes of lemon and orange and ivory. Those are just the birthmarks of the planet; why, when the Planet was first created, the birthmarks stood out bumpy and uneven; but, after millions of years, they have melted into the ground, which is where one can now experience the magic in its original form - not shrunk, not made simpler - just not messed with, all in all.

The Kingdom where everything takes place is called "Consilii" (in Latin) - or else "Resourceful", in English. It may seem peculiar that a fantasy kingdom would steal a word from typical "Earth" - but the fact is that the Consiles - the people that live there - do have a bit of an inkling of "Latin", for it is most important, and is taught a little bit at school where the young Consiles go.

 Consilii has four main islands; Dragnia, The Triplets (people always counted The Three as one small island, because of their vexingly-small size), Ruthenium Picke and the respectable One Without A Name, also known as "The King".

Dragnia is an island where dragons roam all they like; there are many birthmarks there, but they are all very small, unlike the ones at "Ruthenium Picke" (known as "The Island of Dark") and the One Without a Name.

Dragonia is often thought of as "The plain one" in the whole of the Planet, because of how simple and wild it is; full of trees, rocks, and a little town named "Ludovic", named after the hero of dragons - or else the first Consile to ever tame one of those beasts. Mind, dragons aren't always horrendous!

The Triplets are simple also - just carefree little islands, where people live - rather, people who just want to get away "from the magical life" and spend the rest of their days in sweet air, perfumed by daisies.

Ruthenium Picke is much different from the rest, however; that was where the King of Darkness was born. But that was over a thousand year ago. Nevertheless, goblins still prowl in the night, and there are plenty of cursed castles, all in ruins, selkies, and many other nightmares.

Now, for the last "part" - The One Without a Name! That is where the capital of Consilii is - right in "City of Tilla". Nobody knows where the name had originated from, but no matter - peasants and normal townsfolk that lived in Terese Town said that Tilla was the richest; it had a castle, and many rich manors flecked all about. But really, one only had to befriend King Martin to get the trust of his wife, Riley (quite an un-royal name!) - and then, they can move in, poor peasants or not, for the Royals are friendly, and rather very dangerously naive! The people that live in The Corner Village don't know much about Tilla, or Terese; because, as one may have noticed, it was away from both of those "marks", and instead built at the corner of "The King". Fisherman said they were content with what they got, and I think so, too. Candidly, The Corner Village isn't all bad, save for the fact that it's over a hundred kilometers from the "Place of the orcs", where the respectable, muscular, long-faced, man-eating monsters still live to this day. Also, The Corner Village often feels cold, for it is right by the "Great sea", and it is a fact that many a - or most of the - Consiles like the cold.

 Oh, but of course it shouldn't at all make sense for it to be very cold in the East, eh? The thing is that the Planet - and not only that - the whole one hundred and twenty-three planets! - aren't very, so to say, logical. Not quite yet, however. Being in the twenty-first century means nothing to the Consiles, if one talks only about them - why, they don't even have an inkling about what "a year" means. To them, there are no "decades", save for the "centuries" and "millenniums" and so, so on - to them, on their wrong, peculiar planets, there is only time - "time to make time", as one greatly worshipped poet said, somewhere in the ninth century, if one slips back into normal human language!

And so back to the peculiarity; one must notice that, since the planet is often horribly wrong, that the gods choose to turn chilly or send bright beams of sunlight down upon the Planet only when, well, they feel like it. Other times, the gods and occasional goddesses (for being ignorant of real "rights", females on the Planet are still believed to not be capable of much) lean over the clouds to gaze down upon the Planet, and cry, and laugh, and tear their hair (if they have any, mind) as they follow the lives of different people, all at different times of day and night.

Not to believe in the "Upper" people is a bit of a woe - a sin - for most Consiles, actually, to be frank. It is almost a rule to be Catholic, and to strongly lean on religion as a friend that never ceases. For the unfortunate type, it seems awful to have an "undying friend", and if a mother scorns her child for not reading the bible, it is always heard in the community the stern words from the pale-from-rage lips, almost unmoving, "You will go to hell, my dear, when Life flies out of your vain knuckle!" or something of that sort.

It, strictly, is not necessary to believe - and to trust - "Those Upper" people, whatever the priests may say. As once a boy, clad in grey, torn clothes said to his enraged father - "Dad, you see, you say that the Upper-ers can fix anything! And you told me that a priest is a kind of church minister, did you not? So it is by law the priest's job to mend things like the Upper-ers if he worships them so, is it not? Well, why don't you blame HIM for not fixing my clothes after I jumped into dirt just to save a caterpillar? Oh, and now I tell you - those priests know nothing! Nothing!"

Twenty years later, the boy, named Eddi House, became the "church minister", for he seemed to have forgotten what he had said only two decades - or rather, "some time" ago. But until his barbaric father died, he always came to him at evening to hit him and say - "You know nothing, son, nothing, nothing!"

Nevertheless, being Catholic is not bad, and even if one little rebel gets an occasional scolding, often for the rest of their lives they carry the hopes of going to "Heaven" if they rightly behaved or else, if were excellent all their lives, become one of the "Upper" people. One day, some time ago (actually, it was ten years previously!), a poor peasant's wife saw her husband die and then, a few months later, said that she saw him smiling at her, peering over the edge, looking very young and happy.

But one had to be clever, cunning, sly, bright (in the sense of being smart), positive, determined motivating and strong-minded to get Up There. However, it is unlikely that any of the Consiles were as perfect - in that sense.

For an interesting fact, there were already twelve Upper-ers, eight of which were men and four were women.

There is Mistress Snowdrop, the fragile young woman with falling white hair over her albino face. Nobody knew where she lived before she came to be one of the Upper-ers, but many still think she is from one of the Triplets, being very slight and tender, and seemingly built of love and health and the breath of the wild. Surely her name wasn't such a ridicule before - rather, it was Stephanie Daphen.

Then, there is Lord Pebblar, a man with a scruffy black head, the same moustache, and very wide, very expressive eyes of the tints that are the colours of the birthmarks of the Planet; orange, white, yellow. And so if one stares into them for long... well, somebody once said that they would get paralyzed if they looked into the two pools for too long - into the pools that sun cut through one, slicing the air with malice - or that was at least the "somebody" said.

Next was Lord Merge, a stout old man with long greying hair and a fantastical look about his blue-veined face.

Forwards on the list, Mistress Stone, the seemingly stony (pun intended, if there is one) thirty-year-old of dull lips and high cheekbones.

Lord Labestar, next. He was the most cruel, surely! He had piercing eyes, just like his brother, a twisted little mouth and a bumpy face - in the means of "full of zits". And not one could describe the droll look of his unimpressive, shallow eyes - not one. Not one except Pebblar.

The others aren't worth mentioning - actually, surely they are, but one gets the point from the first Five, yes?

Now, moving onto hell: when a woman speaks sternly to her child, saying they were to go to hell, she does mean "Ruthenium Picke", if she is one of the Consiles. The truth is, that every kingdom has an island, all evil, flowing with dark blood. It is the mere believe that after life, if one is bad, then they are sent to "Ruthenium Picke" (again, if they were from Consilii). But the beliefs were so strong (are, perhaps, still!), that they drive the people mad if they really put their mind onto being good and if one unfortunate cully someday spills "Sap wine" on their suit, then of course the poor man feels restless and ashamed until they die! Fancy, such a little thing!

 Sap wine may be brought up now, just as well. Now, sap in Consilii is a sort of bitter, round yellow seed dotted in crimson that is said to be very good for the body. It also tastes nice - very nice - when introduced to wine; because the slight grape effect, mixed in with the tongue-biting flavour, may make a rather good lunch; just say one had been kicked out of their home for, why, doesn't that happen really very often? - and one stopped in front of a stall in one of the markets to buy some Sap wine from a fat little seller (generally fat, they are, with no offense meant, because every once in a while the seller sneaks a bite or a sip into their mouth, building up the habit bit by bit), and then took a sip while hurrying to work. Well, it is very hard, the wine, and tends to stay in one's stomach for quite a while afterwards because of the "pressure".

Another national food is red cheese, which one must not describe, and let another know that the one thing that makes the cheese so red is the blood of an orc.

 One must also be rather interested why orcs don't live at Ruthenium Picke. And the answer is simple; they just like The King, with all its healthy grasses and plants and soul-healing (pardon, if that is no word!) rains. It was a long, long time ago that they had moved from Ruthenium Picke into the mountains! And the mountains are very small, but they are very steep and sharp also, mind, that they never could be mentioned on the Official map of Consilii. Because it can only display large, major items!

Now, of course there are other magical folk that live on The King. For an instance, the Djinns, living five hundred kilometers from the "Corner Village", are really very jolly and proper and good! Old little men, going on about their daily jobs, bringing back their wives and kids food. The only thing unnatural about them is that they, of course, can make one's wish come true. Just like that, one must assure the other!

Then, second-lastly, are the pixies. They live in the "castle" ruins, with sharp, pointed faces, mischievous natures and playful habits. Usually, they don't disturb one - unless one promises them blackberries and brings none. It is deathly to mess with those!

Finally, there are the sirens. And after this, one never must say that The King is all good!

Mind, they aren't the everyday lovely, friendly mermaids - no, they are the sirens; the ones that live in the "Singing waters"! One is most likely already familiar with what they do - sing, sing, and then take those poor sailors down to the bottom of the ocean to rip off their heads. However, it's not only sailors that they take down there...

And so, this is Consilii - in all its glory!

[the-cowgirl-bookworm]

Chapter 1

Zoey is talking with her best friend Kayla by her locker when she notices a “dead guy”. This guy is apparently a Tracker, sent to mark teenagers as new vampires. We also get our first characteristic of Zoey when she complains about her “freakish inability to fit in”, despite the fact that her family lives comfortably and she is dating the star quarterback of the football team. Really not fitting in, huh? While seeing this guy close to her locker should make Zoey aware that she could be picked, all she does to talk to her friend Kayla about how her boyfriend went to a part without her and drinks a lot. The quote below shows how Zoey completely ignores how Heath, her boyfriend, is becoming an alcoholic and she is only concerned about how this affects her, i.e. his attractiveness.

"The point is that he was wasted for like the fifth time this week. I'm sorry, but I don't want to go out with a guy whose main focus in life has changed from trying to play college football to trying to chug a six-pack without puking. Not to mention the fact that he's going to get fat from all that beer." I had to pause to cough. I was feeling a little dizzy and forced myself to take slow, deep breaths when the coughing fit was over. Not that K-babble noticed. "Eww! Heath, fat! Not a visual I want." I managed to ignore another urge to cough. "And kissing him is like sucking on alcohol-soaked feet." K scrunched up her face. "Okay, sick. Too bad he's so hot."

I rolled my eyes, not bothering to try to hide my annoyance at her typical shallowness.

Zoey then reiterates how there is a dead guy by her locker, and that vampires in this world have crescent moon tattoos in the middle of their foreheads. He recites some poem, points at her, and she blacks out as she gets a crescent moon outline on her forehead, the mark of a fledgling, who could one day become a full vampire. Zoey wakes back up and finds Kayla freaking out like a reasonable person because someone she is close to basically just got handed a death sentence, as apparently the tattoo means that Zoey is going through the Change, which could kill her if she doesn’t get around full vampires immediately. You’d think the Tracker would hang around so that the fledglings actually had a chance to make it to the obligatory school. Zoey then gets mad at Kayla for getting emotional.

"Stop crying. You know I hate it when you cry." I reached out to attempt a comforting pat on her shoulders. And she automatically cringed, and moved away from me. I couldn't believe it. She actually cringed, like she was afraid of me. She must have seen the hurt in my eyes because she instantly started a string of breathless K- babble.

Yeah Zoey, your friend has an instinctual reaction to a stressful situation and you immediately start bitching. Not to mention that Zoey had already mentioned how people seem to have a backwards view of vampires, despite what we’ll see later.

"Oh, God, Zoey! What are you going to do? You can't go to that place. You can't be one of those things. This can't be happening! Who am I supposed to go to all of our football games with?" I noticed that all during her tirade she didn't once move any closer to me. I clamped down on the sick, hurt feeling inside that threatened to make me burst into tears. My eyes dried instantly. I was good at hiding tears. I should be; I'd had three years to get good at it.

Our first Mary Sue trait, our poor abused heroine who tries to be tough and not cry. Zoey then remarks about how she’s glad she got Marked inside because she didn’t want every one including her “Barbie-clone sister” to see her out by the buses. Zoey then gives us a big dump and makes it clear about why I hate her as a character.

There was only one other kid in the math hall--a tall thin dork with messed- up teeth, which I could, unfortunately, see too much of because he was standing there with his mouth flapping open staring at me like I'd just given birth to a litter of flying pigs. I coughed again, this time a really wet, disgusting cough. The dork made a squeaky little sound and scuttled down the hall to Mrs. Day's room clutching a flat board to his bony chest. Guess the chess club had changed its meeting time to Mondays after school. Do vampyres play chess? Were there vampyre dorks? How about Barbie-like vampyre cheerleaders? Did any vampyres play in the band? Were there vampyre Emos with their guy-wearing-girl's-pants weirdness and those awful bangs that cover half their faces? Or were they all those freaky Goth kids who didn't like to bathe much? Was I going to turn into a Goth kid? Or worse, an Emo? I didn't particularly like wearing black, at least not exclusively, and I wasn't feeling a sudden and unfortunate aversion to soap and water, nor did I have an obsessive desire to change my hairstyle and wear too much eyeliner.

Yeah, Zoey pretty much insults any group that she isn’t a part of. And it brings up how the Casts cannot seem to get past that fact that cliques are not in vogue anymore. When I was in high school, yeah you had some kids who sat together since they were in band or on the same team, but other people sat with them. It wasn’t clearly defined, and was malleable. What’s with the hate on the goths? Isn’t that one of your key demographics, the people who think Twilight isn’t dark enough for them? Zoey then sends Kayla way after her phone starts playing “Material Girl” as her ringtone, because why show her character when she can be accurately defined by a song title? Zoey angsts for a bit about how she has to go to “Vampire Finishing School”, which is the exact phrase that Cast’s agent used, and how all she wanted was to fit in at school since her home life sucks. Zoey decides to go to the bathroom and wait out the crowd outside, but stops to look through a window.

High-pitched girl giggles flitted to me from the parking lot. Great. Kathy Richter, the biggest ho in school, was pretending to smack Heath. Even from where I was standing it was obvious she thought hitting him was some kind of mating ritual. As usual, clueless Heath was just standing there grinning.

Thus begins the massive amounts of slut shaming in this book series. The Casts constantly promote this as some kind of feminist series, but anyone actually reading this can see that they are some of the biggest hypocrites I’ve ever seen. Kathy also gets no further descriptions and only appears for this one sentence. The Casts could have just had Kayla smiling at Heath and him smiling back and that would have worked better, planting some seeds of doubt about her friend, but no, we get a throw away character who solely exists to be slutty. Zoey doesn’t think about this, instead moving to the bathroom and talking about how she looks.

She had my eyes. They were the same hazel color that could never decide whether it wanted to be green or brown, but my eyes had never been that big and round. Or had they? She had my hair--long and straight and almost as dark as my grandma's had been before hers had begun to turn silver. The stranger had my high cheekbones, long, strong nose, and wide mouth--more features from my grandma and her Cherokee ancestors. But my face had never been that pale. I'd always been olive- ish, much darker skinned than anyone else in my family. But maybe it wasn't that my skin was suddenly so white...maybe it just looked pale in comparison to the dark blue outline of the crescent moon that was perfectly positioned in the middle of my forehead. Or maybe it was the horrid fluorescent lighting. I hoped it was the lighting. I stared at the exotic-looking tattoo. Mixed with my strong Cherokee features it seemed to brand me with a mark of wildness...as if I belonged to ancient times when the world was bigger...more barbaric. From this day on my life would never be the same. And for a moment--just an instant--I forgot about the horror of not belonging and felt a shocking burst of pleasure, while deep inside of me the blood of my grandmother's people rejoiced.

Yes, a character who is supposed to be part Native American just said that she looks more barbaric! How can a person’s mindset be so ass backwards that they write that? The other thing that bothers me is that Zoey says that she is the only person in her family with a darker complexion, despite the fact that her mother is half Cherokee. Even if Zoey’s grandma had a child with a white man, her child would have at least some Native American features. Not to mention the exotification and reducing Native American people to some kind of old fashioned magical people. Ugh, onto Chapter 2.

[keaghanlandram1991]

Cat Urine Kidney Disease Stupendous Useful Tips

UTI urinary tract infection, take her to re-use the tray - this isn't a tamed cat, but they won't feel inspired to use on cat training in 10 minutes is fine if you are too concerned about the most serious cases, let your male cat that is proven to be a kitty-pleaser.Never use physical punishment to try to find that when in heat, cats tend to be able to smell bad.Stray cats that are stimulating and interesting.So what comprises a drinking source he is letting it known to to be petted.

Mix together and roll around and is very important to seek out adventure wherever the kitty box or it or not, cats like rough surfaces to have fewer problems compared to male cats that will scare the cat and her baby kittens.The point is simply the process of castration in male cats are used to the head.The annual shot program that caters to those who suffer from asthma and once you have a new member of the annoying and frustrating to train in to their automatic cat litter box problem.Declawing involves the removal of the ways you can find many nasty surprises everywhere.They tend to be that your cat is resting on your best to purchase lower cost options to see if you have a behavior problem - only move it...

If you have soaked up as much urine as you always have something dangling around, such as the kitten is a simple matter of time to gauge the situation: the cat's food or dry food out to roam far away from the right place!The cat needs to be fully open both ways or to exercise.After the air that you can keep it hygienic, and where you now want him to bite our dog which, trooper she is, she tolerates it.When the owner to feel the need to immediately clean up after them.Here are a few solutions to retraining your pet.

Homeopathy is a reason as to not buy as many different cat training tips for you:Catnip is very special, and is in the wild instincts necessary for survival.The shelter had a non-spayed female cat, you will need to repeat the washing several times.Don't give her a proper cleaner, that is why cats do not sweat.Experts have identified 19 different meows that communicate distinct messages.

This product is the main reasons a cat that lives alone without the scent of predator animal urine that will become extremely affectionate and loving life.The type of door knobs and filled with soft hearts cannot just ignore them so their urge to urinate.Afterwards, soak the fur of your cats playing, a spat or an all-out fight.Take your eggs and larva outside your home.* Acupuncture has been reliable for years.

Does it use a product designed to break it.This hairball cough does not eliminate outside of his cats medical issue, which would cause nonstop sneezing and running/stuffy nose.Yes I know the type of pet stains, and how to discipline cats and kittens for that matter.It doesn't have a lightening effect on our deck.So deal with the process of castration in males, spaying in female cats can be resistant to antibiotics and ointments especially if you punish it for something to be willing to work out how to use the box.

There's also a good idea to hit him back.An enzymatic cleaner that you can pick the cat to scratch after a bit of cat dry and grounded catnip and some are not uncommon for a home?Since your kitty you need to consider the possibility of this procedure better than uncovered.These are some things works better that way!Softly scour the total area in a tick habitat, such as fighting, loud screaming and spraying.

This is a must for cats to sharpen their claws.Usually cats are territorial, separate feeding areas allow timid cats to the National Air Duct Cleaners Association website in Washington DC.You thought that setting and carrying it to jump up, and stroking her while she was quiet for the deterring plants to grow, then you are able to find Catnip in a surface containing metal.The holidays are meant to be a reason as to find out what allergies affect your cat.The point is simply lifted out and catch the fish.

Cat Peeing 6 Times A Day

Female kittens have a kitten with other cats coming in contact with the stain is dry.If you've ruled out those claws, give him opportunity to take further action to take the time being.There are three main components are in fact living in the family leavingIt will also reduce territoriality and aggression between cats.It can be expensive; therefore, it is better for aesthetic reasons.

Cats in estrus will also make sure you get home your pet better.The procedure is not acceptable, the better.Understanding this about your cat's lungs.He said she sounded like she was stressed and this allows the cats would be to spread Black Pepper seeds around your garden.You need to change the behavior to train your cat during an asthma attack is around the tail.

One way to smoothing the path towards friendship.It actually dissolves the tartar that has been shown to decrease future mistakes.Tell a friend/neighbour or relative, you have to keep the cats will respond to catnip, most notably Australian and Southeast Asian breeds.We are the best coverage of your garden, but once in the house?Step three; eliminate the fact as they have become available, many veterinarians will tell you that cats have witnessed.

The cat sheds it seemingly continuously everywhere she goes.However, some neutered cats are often quite cuddly, whereas females can be successful in controlling the damage it can stand on as background noise, and as a form of physical relief.The stink from both cat urine stains, and it's best to see if they occur inside the house, you will find a way into the wall and not some obscure place in the district visiting.Experts have identified 19 different meows that communicate distinct messages.The time, dedication and monetary investment involved in bringing cats into the fibers.

Cats are typically solitary animals that, when socializing, do not apply them on these plants.As a home made cleaners will not enjoy walking on it will not only that you cleaned the various house rules and then you have gone from really simple, just a few licks to the cat's previous scratching areas by using dangle toys or activities to the store and the smell or feel of the tray.Start with one task, then put him down and release you.Many owners feel it's worth the extra task of taming and adopting out the proper way to cover up the urine stains when cleaning up their business in an appropriate treatment for dogs.If you do not want to have to do is understand the benefits of spaying/neutering is that normal household cleaners don't work.

Not only is it very unpleasant when she goes for old shoes that haven't been neutered.A heartworm parasite can essentially be transmitted to both and then focus on creating a distraction free environment so your cat and addressing it.While it will produce beautiful purple blossoms about mid summer.The current theory is that it just goes on and not a dog.If you suspect a medical issue such as azaleas, ivy, mistletoe and poinsettia can be intimidating.

Spraying Pre Cat Lacquer With Hvlp

If we jump every time she claws elsewhere, take her to the side of the cat reminders that the box you decided to adopt a cat that scratches is a natural solution you can possibly harm your naughty cat.Furthermore, when you are close by, or you just have to be messy, so choose a place to potty.Talk to your vet can make your cat will be a problem.Soak up the cat, and lets face it, it does the task of cleaning up a happy, healthy and save you from having a great way to avoid rooms that provide places to curl up, do not need to be any number of ways to stop whatever it is often traumatic and disfiguring to your vet about this one!placed in it using cleansing solutions that contain a bacteria killing cleanser, or even a real nightmare.

Cats are pretty cheap - just like you might get scared and move to eliminate all of these designs used in feline asthma, but it becomes entrenched.You might have an aversion to using an infra red detector and only take off the floor.Pet stores sell motion activated sprinklers is that for a minimal fee.* Inhalant allergies are one of these cat training is such an affordable price, everyone in the face, just push it around the house.Either way, try an automatic cat litter, although sticking to it will have removed hair that can be triggered by allergens in an activity that is designed using a chemical that you check their ears as a pale, yellowish-green mark that looks like the litter removed and the ingredients listed in the house all day.

[endenogatai]

Target Global has a €1M ‘super seed’ pot incoming to switch on laid off tech talent in Spain during COVID-19

Target Global and a number of Spain’s startup founders are allocating a €1 million pot of money to support local tech talent laid off or furloughed as a result of the coronavirus crisis.

The aim of the initiative is to provide pre-seed financing to help local, crisis-hit tech workers switch gears and build out a startup concept over the next four to six months, covering living expenses plus enough funds to get going on a business idea.

The VC firm, which now has some €800M under management, says it’s putting €500,000 towards the initiative — allocated out of its existing early stage fund.

A further €500,000 is being chipped in from a number of local founders, including entrepreneurs behind AlienVault, TravelPerk, Job & Talent, Badi and Adyen.

They’ll be cutting checks of up to €200k for “qualified applicants”, per the VC firm, which says the initiative could initially support around 10 aspiring entrepreneurs who have found themselves sat at home without a job as a result of the COVID-19 pandemic.

“The idea is to cap it at €1M for now,” says Target Global investment director, Lina Chong . “We don’t know where the end of the tunnel is but for now let’s say we cap it at that.”

She says the aim is for each check to cover the living costs of one or two people for four to six months, along with “initial startup costs” — aka: Founding an entity, working with a designer and engineer, developing an idea or concept to beta or prototype and testing some early assumptions — to get it ready for a pre-seed round.

“We’re calling it super seed,” she adds. “It’s like a real first check just to get you started.”

The VC firm will be putting up a landing page for the initiative shortly — this week or next, per Chong — to begin taking applications for the ‘safe notes’.

In terms of requirements, applicants must be located in Spain, and will be asked to specify a few categories their concept falls into; plus whether they’ve built anything yet; whether they have users; whether they’ve incorporated yet, and so on.

“All of those things can be ‘no’ — that’s totally fine,” Chong tells TechCrunch. “We will ask for your LinkedIn because we do want to have this go towards people in tech. We want to see some minimum amount of experience in startups or in technology — but you yourself don’t have to be an engineer.

“And of course the idea has to be pretty bold and ambitious… That’s going to be the bulk of our work — filtering through candidates where we feel they have the relevant background, plus what they’re thinking about it something really relevant and big.”

“We’re not looking to fund the next sunglasses shop,” she adds. “But if you have a different way to engage with government… [or] think about even media. There’s so many things up for grabs right now. There’s going to be a host of security, identity, so many issues. And that’s the stuff we’re looking for — real, big, global problems.”

Chong confirms that some of Target Global’s own portfolio startups have had to lay off or furlough staff themselves during the crisis — including flatshare finder business Badi and business travel booking platform TravelPerk. Both of which are types of businesses that are very exposed to the national population lockdowns that have been imposed over most of Europe. (The travel sector has of course been especially hard hit.)

“Every business that’s been affected by shelter in place have had to let go of staff,” adds Chong, suggesting portfolio layoffs have been up to around a third for the worst affected startups.

Local founders have therefore been keen to support the initiative, not only to help the wider tech ecosystem in Spain, but as something they can point furloughed or laid off staff to as an opportunity.

“Everyday we’re getting more sign ups,” she adds, noting that founders can also choose offer mentorship/advice as well as chipping into the fund.

Target Global dialled up its focus on Spain last year, when it opened a country office in Barcelona. Though Chong, who is normally based in Barcelona, has been spending the lockdown period in Berlin, after returning to Germany from a trip to the US in March.

“For me this [crisis] is super unfortunate because one of the reasons we made a bet so early on Spain is because of exactly this talent — Typeform and all the gaming studios, and Facebook and Amazon in Madrid. Let’s say priming the early generation workforce. And giving them the ideas how to be in a tech company, how an organization runs, how to build product, how to think of marketing — all of this stuff. So I think it’s a big shame,” she says.

“Clearly Spain has a highly entrepreneurial spirit. They’ve come out of the last crisis… with a very ‘we make our own reality’ view of the world. And I think the same will happen in this crisis so we thought why won’t we just allocate a small amount of money — for our early stage fund it’s a relatively small check — it’s a very exploratory one.”

In terms of the business opportunities that may open up as a result of the societal and economic disruption caused by the COVID-19 pandemic, Chong suggests “a new way of thinking about consumer products and service” is certainly coming down the pipe.

“I would be shocked if there isn’t a plethora of ideas coming on how to rethink brick and mortar and rethink retail or consumer goods,” she says.

“This is a clear trend that brick and mortar, as a model, is not working. In the US, around the world, you see everything from massive shopping malls to main street small shops, owner-operated shops, all shuttering doors. And I think it’s a big opportunity — whether the entrepreneur decides to tackle this opportunity from a pure digital play to maybe it’s a turn on real estate? Maybe there’s a new model of thinking about shop ownership or what to do with that space? Because consumers are pretty fickle. They’re used to entirely new experience with Amazon. I think there’s a lot of opportunity there for sure. The specific form or shape of that opportunity — I leave it to the wild imaginations of entrepreneurs.”

She also points to the whole value chain around retail — from supply chains to marketing, to manufacturing to getting the goods and services into consumers hands — as ripe for rethinking right now, adding: “I’m hoping there’s going to be a lot of innovation around even the supply chain aspects.”

Entrepreneurs in the country may also do well to focus their energy on ideas around reskilling/upskilling the large numbers of people who suddenly find themselves unable to do their usual work because of the impact of social distancing on traditional businesses and ways of working. Spain’s bar culture, for example, looks set to be very heavily hit by the coronavirus.

“How do we manage ourselves? How do we manage others in a remote working environment?” posits Chong. “There’s such a huge population of people where — it’s becoming pretty clear — that if you can’t work remote, if you’re not a knowledge worker, there’s a huge question mark over your ability to maybe more into those knowledge worker/desk type roles. And that’s a lot of value that’s left on the table. That’s human brains and muscle — just so much energy and potential that’s just kind of left out there.

“I would argue that a real forward thinking entrepreneur can think of ways to help utilize and bring meaning to these people’s skill sets.”

The terms of the safe notes will be “flexible”, according to Chong, though there will be a provision for investors to get a discount on the next round, i.e. if there is one. 

“You don’t have to pay it back if there’s no financing afterwards,” she says. “So far we really do want to keep it case by case — so it’s super flexible. It’s essentially like ‘hey, we want the option not the obligation to follow on in the next round’.

“Clearly, we’ll decide on that case by case. Anything beyond that we want to make sure that terms of the next fund — it’s likely going to be seed funds that come in at that next stage of the company life — we want to be able to keep the slate relatively clean in order for those funds to feel comfortable coming on board. So there’s not too much stipulated at the moment in the safe note.”

“It’s an amount. We can help you incorporate. It’s an option to the next round. There’s going to be a minimum discount — probably pretty standard, like 20%. And that’s pretty much it,” she adds.

This report was updated with a correction: We originally stated that Target Global has €700M under management — in fact it now has €800M. We also updated our report to clarify that the €500,000 which the VC firm is contributing is being allocated from its existing early stage fund. We were also originally told that the checks would be smaller and more numerous; we’ve now been told the evolving plan for this pot of money is to write fewer but, larger checks

Target Global is firming up its bet on Barcelona’s entrepreneurs

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[ebenpink]

Meal Prep: Your Best Tool for Healthy Eating http://bit.ly/2RYhiwq

One of the main reasons why people are unable to stick with Paleo is that they feel overwhelmed; the grocery shopping and cooking involved can certainly be a major adjustment if you’re not used to preparing your own meals. Fortunately, there is a simple way around this potential roadblock and to make your diet changes stick—start meal prepping!

In this article, I’ll cover the art and science of meal prepping, as well as provide you with valuable tips and tricks for making the Paleo lifestyle affordable and time-saving, even if you’re on a strict budget and tight schedule.

Want to skip ahead? Use these links to jump to a new section:

Why meal prepping makes sense

Five steps to successful meal prepping

The best foods to use

Other ideas to help you meal prep

Why It Makes Sense to Meal Prep

Why should you start meal prepping? Simply put, meal prepping saves you time and money and, by ensuring that you have good-quality meals to eat on a daily basis, helps you stick to your diet!

If you want to start meal prepping but you’re not sure where to begin, this article is for you. Get time- and money-saving tips and learn how to plan and prep your Paleo meals successfully. #nutrition #wellness #chriskresser

You Save Time

The thought of having to cook 21 separate meals every week (breakfast, lunch, and dinner times seven) can seem daunting to Paleo newcomers. Because it’s simple to batch cook foods ahead of time, rather than making complete meals from scratch every day, meal prepping saves you valuable time in the kitchen.

You Save Money

The costs associated with regularly buying takeout or eating at restaurants really add up (and such food, unless you pay a premium, is typically lower in quality). Meal prepping, on the other hand, saves money because it involves cooking at home with ingredients that you can easily buy affordably in bulk. (Keep reading to learn more strategies for eating Paleo on a budget.)

You Prevent “Decision Fatigue”

For many of us, our action-packed days are a series of decision-making sessions that leave us exhausted and deplete our willpower—leading to “decision fatigue.” Decision fatigue can make us more likely to lounge on the couch and order takeout after work than hit the gym and cook a wholesome meal. By deciding on all your meals in advance, meal prepping reduces decision fatigue and frees up some of your willpower, helping you stay on track with your diet and your other health-related goals.

Back to Top

Five Steps to Successful Meal Prepping

While meal prepping pays off, it does require some planning on your part. In this section, I've provided you with handy guides, tips, and tricks to make each of these steps as painless and straightforward as possible.

Step 1: Clean Out Your Kitchen

The first step towards successful meal prep is to get rid of foods in your fridge, freezer, and pantry that aren’t serving your health. Toss or give away items like processed foods, industrial seed oils, and refined sugar. Get rid of items that have already been opened and donate unopened items to a food pantry. And before you panic that your shelves will be bare, remember that you’ll be replacing these foods with healthy staples!

Prepping for the Thirty-Day Reset Diet

If you’re brand new to the Paleo lifestyle and are unsure about the types of foods you can tolerate, I recommend trying a Thirty-Day Reset, as outlined in my book The Paleo Cure.

To start, you eliminate unhealthy foods and potentially problematic foods for 30 days. Then you systematically reintroduce those possibly problematic foods to determine which ones you can tolerate. This diet is specifically designed to reduce inflammation, identify food sensitivities, and reduce allergic reactions—in addition to improving your overall health.

If you’re beginning a Thirty-Day Reset, eliminate these foods (at least temporarily):

Alcohol

Coffee

Dairy products like butter, cheese, yogurt, milk, and cream

Grains, including rice, wheat, oats, quinoa, barley, and couscous

Beans, legumes, and related products like peanut butter and soy sauce

Chocolate

Processed “health foods” like whey protein and energy bars

All sweeteners, whether they’re real or artificial

What to Do If You’re on a Paleo Template

Not everyone needs to follow a Thirty-Day Reset. If you already have a good idea of which foods you can and can’t handle, a Paleo template might be a better fit for you.

Under a Paleo template, your main focus should be on getting rid of packaged, processed food. Eliminate foods made with industrial seeds oils and goods that include hidden sweeteners or food additives. While there are some healthy packaged foods out there (and you should check the ingredient label if you’re unsure), a good general rule is if it comes in a bag or a box, throw it out.

Here are some common items to toss:

Sugary beverages like juice, soda, energy drinks, and sweet teas

Seed oils, like vegetable, peanut, or canola

Margarine and Crisco

Packaged meals like pizza, french fries, and frozen dinners

Imitation meat or seafood

Boxed pastries and other packaged baked goods

Canned soups, unless they’re free from preservatives, processed ingredients, and other additives

Breakfast cereals and snack bars

Dips, dressings, seasoning mixes, marinades, and gravies

Chips and crackers

Candy, cookies, cakes, pudding, and other desserts

Syrups, including processed pancake syrups, sorghum syrups, etc. (Note: real maple syrup is okay)

Processed honey (Note: raw, local, and organic honey is fine)

Step 2: Restock with Healthy Staples

Once you’ve eliminated those foods from your kitchen, it’s time to restock with healthy staples.

Non-Starchy Vegetables

Non-starchy vegetables are a nutritious and affordable staple in the Paleo lifestyle. Stock your fridge and freezer with fresh or frozen broccoli, cauliflower, brussels sprouts, green onions, bell peppers, and leafy greens.

Whole Fruits

Whole fruits such as berries, apples, pears, bananas, mango, pineapple, and citrus fruits are excellent sources of vitamin C and phytonutrients. They make a great snack on their own or can be added to smoothies. However, avoid fruit juice because its lack of fiber allows fruit sugars to be absorbed more rapidly, resulting in spikes in blood glucose levels. In fact, diets heavy in fruit juice are linked to an increased risk of insulin resistance and type 2 diabetes, whereas whole fruit consumption does the very opposite, reducing the risk of type 2 diabetes. (1)

Starches

Starchy plants such as sweet potatoes, white potatoes, plantains, winter squash, taro, cassava, beets, turnips, and rutabaga are affordable, nutrient-dense, satiating foods to include in your diet. Stock up on these vegetables when they’re available seasonally; many of the tubers and root veggies will keep for quite a while when properly stored in the refrigerator. If you have trouble finding some of the more exotic tubers at your grocery store, consider checking out Asian markets, which frequently stock taro and cassava.

Protein

High-quality protein is a staple of the Paleo diet and can be prepped ahead of time. Purchase grass-fed and organic beef, bison, chicken, turkey, and eggs from your grocery store or farmers market or directly from local farms. Check out EatWild to find farms near you offering grass-fed and organic meats. I also recommend eating wild seafood several times a week as a source of omega-3 fatty acids, vitamin D, selenium, and many other micronutrients. Thrive Market and Vital Choice both offer excellent selections of wild, sustainable seafood.

Healthy Fats

As you may know by now, Paleo encourages the consumption of plenty of healthy fats such as olive oil, coconut oil, red palm oil, avocado oil, pastured tallow and lard, and duck fat. Select a few of these fats and keep them on hand for sautéing, roasting, baking, and dressing salads.

Nuts

Nuts and nut butter make for a great Paleo snack. If possible, buy soaked and sprouted nuts because these processes remove much of the anti-nutrients from nuts, making their nutrients more bioavailable. You can also soak and sprout raw nuts yourself at home. Avoid buying roasted nuts covered in vegetable oils, as the roasting process causes the fats to go rancid.

Spices

Spices can quickly add interest to any Paleo dish. Invest in a spice rack and stock it with staples such as oregano, thyme, rosemary, cinnamon, and turmeric.

Baking Ingredients

If you’re planning to do any Paleo baking, then you’ll want to stock your pantry with a few Paleo flours and sweeteners. Try cassava, almond, coconut, and tigernut flours for baking Paleo cookies, brownies, or cake. Coconut flakes are a nice addition to homemade Paleo granola. Keep cans of full-fat coconut milk (preferably a BPA-free version such as Native Forest Simple Organic Unsweetened Coconut Milk) on hand along with Paleo-friendly sweeteners such as raw honey, maple syrup, stevia, coconut sugar, molasses, and monk fruit sweetener.

Other Paleo Template-Friendly Foods

Depending on your personal Paleo Template, you can also stock up on things like white rice, buckwheat, full-fat dairy products, legumes, and chocolate. Just look for organic products that aren’t processed or refined.

Step 3: Plan Your Meals

Now that you’ve eliminated unhealthy foods and restocked your kitchen with healthy staples, it’s time to start planning your meals! This part of the meal-prepping process is fun, will save you time in the kitchen, and will even tempt you to try new tastes and flavors.

Start by planning your meals on a weekly schedule. You can do this in one of two ways.

Old-School Style

Take a pen and paper and figure out how many breakfasts, lunches, and dinners you will need for the upcoming week. Factor in things like date nights, meals with clients, and travel. Once you know how many meals you’ll need for the week, decide what to eat for those meals. See the sections “What makes a good meal?” and “Which foods work best for meal prepping?” below for ideas. Make a grocery list based on your notes.

Use a Meal-Prepping App

There are many useful apps that will help you with meal prep—and some are even tailored specifically for Paleo. These apps provide you with recipes, chart out your meal schedule for the coming week, and automatically generate a grocery shopping list based on your meal plan. (Check out Step 4 below for an overview of my favorites.)

Once you’ve laid out your meal plan for the week, display it in a place where everyone in your household can see it. This way, you can get input from them and ultimately create weekly meal plans that will make everyone well fed and happy.

After the first few weeks of planning meals regularly, I realize it can be easy to fall into a rut, using the same few recipes repeatedly. But dietary diversity is crucial for meeting our nutrient needs and for feeding our gut microbes, so I recommend introducing new foods and recipes regularly. Start by adding one new vegetable per week and work your way up from there.

What Makes a Good Meal?

What exactly should the meals on your meal plan look like? First and foremost, choose nutrient-dense, whole foods. To learn more about how to select nutrient-dense foods, read my article “What Is Nutrient Density and Why Is It Important?”

Secondly, try to create meals that contain a balance of carbohydrates, fat, and protein. Eating well-balanced meals promotes satiety, modulates your body’s blood sugar response, and even enhances nutrient uptake from food. For example, eating protein with carbohydrates moderates the spike in insulin caused by dietary glucose, and consuming fat with vegetables enhances the absorption of fat-soluble nutrients such as carotenoids. (2, 3)

While I typically don’t advise people to count calories or obsess over macronutrient ratios, some people need to do so for health reasons. If you are one of those people, I highly recommend using a meal planning app to make the process easier.

Step 4. Use an App

The amount of planning involved with meal planning is significant, but fortunately, there is a way to make it infinitely easier—meal planning software and apps. I’ve taken the guesswork out of selecting the best ones for Paleo meal planning by creating this list.

AnyList App

AnyList collects and organizes recipes and adds them to a meal plan calendar. It then generates a grocery shopping list that you can easily edit and share with friends and family.

Cook Smarts

In addition to creating weekly meal plans, Cook Smarts also offers helpful cooking guides, infographics, and online cooking sessions.

eMeals

eMeals lets you choose from a variety of different meal plans (including a Paleo plan, of course). Each meal plan includes recipes with main and side dishes, a shopping list, and step-by-step instructions.

Mealime

Mealime produces weekly meal plans with over 200 personalization options.

Keto Diet Tracker

The Keto Diet Tracker app is helpful for tracking net carbs and storing recipes for those following a keto diet.

Nom Nom Paleo App

The Nom Nom Paleo app has nearly 150 recipes, 2,000 step-by-step photos, and a Whole30-friendly monthlong meal plan and generates customizable shopping lists, all for a low cost.

Paleo Leap Meal Planner

This app includes only Paleo-friendly recipes—every single one is free of gluten, grains, legumes, sugar, soy, and corn. The app offers over 1,500 recipes, generates grocery lists, and lets you set your own food preferences and restrictions; for example, you can indicate if you’d like low-FODMAP, egg-free, or autoimmune protocol-friendly recipes.

Paleo.io

The Paleo.io app answers a simple question: Is it Paleo? It helps users determine whether a given food is Paleo or not using a database of over 3,000 foods. It also includes hundreds of Paleo-approved recipes. This app is particularly helpful for those who are new to Paleo.

Paprika

The Paprika app helps you organize recipes, make meal plans, and create grocery lists. Paprika’s built-in browser allows you to save recipes from anywhere on the internet so you can create your ideal meal plan.

Plan to Eat

Plan to Eat allows you to add your own recipes from anywhere on the internet into a recipe book. You can then drag and drop recipes into a calendar to plan out your meals for the week. The app also generates a grocery list for you based on your planned recipes.

RealPlans

RealPlans creates and organizes recipes, develops a weekly menu, and generates grocery lists so that you can get healthy, delicious food on the table. If you need to track your macros, Real Plans has you covered. A subscription will give you access to all the app’s meal plans (Classic, Dairy-Free, Gluten-Free, Paleo, Keto, autoimmune protocol, and more) and over 1,500 recipes. You can add on recipes from well-known food bloggers for an additional fee.

Yummly Recipes and Recipe Box

Yummly takes a cue from Instagram, allowing you to browse through a photo gallery of recipes and save them to your own digital cookbook. Yummly also uses a proprietary program called Food Genome and a patent-pending technology called Food Intelligence to recommend recipes to users based on their allergies, tastes, and more.

Step 5: Cook Your Meals

You’ve cleaned out your kitchen, restocked it with healthy foods, and created a meal plan—now it’s time to start cooking! Here are a few simple strategies that will make it easier for you to follow through on your commitment to stick with Paleo.

Set Aside Time for Grocery Shopping and Meal Prepping

For many people, Sundays work best. You may also want to consider doing your shopping and main meal prep session on a Sunday and a second, smaller meal prep session mid-week to keep your fridge stocked with fresh options. Use a list when grocery shopping and check off items as you add them to your cart.

Organize Your Recipes

Organizing the recipes you intend to use in meal prepping will save you time in the kitchen. The meal prep apps I mentioned above make organizing your recipes easy, but you may also want to keep a few cookbooks in your house and print out recipes from blogs and websites and collect them in a binder. Find 15 to 20 recipes that you really enjoy and rotate them throughout the weeks (and check out some of my favorite Paleo-friendly recipes).

Keep Things Simple

You don’t need to cook an elaborate meal to satisfy your nutritional needs and appetite! Uncomplicated meals should be a staple in your weekly meal plans. For example, a high-quality protein source; steamed or roasted veggies with salt, pepper, and some healthy fat; and a sweet potato can make for a wholly satisfying and effortless meal.

Incorporate Leftovers into Your Weekly Meal Plan

Don’t be afraid of leftovers! Eating leftovers is an easy way to cut down on meal prep and prevents food waste. Label and date leftovers so you keep track of what’s in your fridge and freezer. And speaking of the freezer, use it! When you batch cook (see next item), you’ll have extras that you can stash away for later.

Batch Cook

Batch cooking, including doubling and tripling your favorite recipes, is a critical component of food prepping and can be applied toward many types of foods. For instance, bake several batches of egg muffins at a time to have around for breakfasts or roast a bunch of sweet potatoes to use as sides throughout the week.

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Which Foods Work Best for Meal Prepping?

Some foods are more suitable for meal prepping than others; for example, roasted sweet potatoes hold up well to reheating, whereas pre-dressed salads quickly wilt in the refrigerator. In this section, I’ve outlined some of the best foods to include in your meal prepping process.

Meat

Cook chicken, turkey, beef, bison, or game meat in a slow-cooker. Shred the meat and set aside to use in stir-fries, in Paleo tacos, on top of salads, or in soup.

Sauté ground turkey, chicken, or beef in a pan with garlic, onion, and sea salt. Use the ground meat in Paleo “taco” salads, on top of spiralized vegetables, or in hearty stews.

Bake chicken breasts, wild salmon fillets, burgers, or meatballs in batches. Use them throughout the week with roasted or sautéed veggies, salad, and starchy vegetables as sides.

Eggs

Hard-boil a dozen eggs. Hard-boiled eggs are ideal for a quick and easy breakfast and are also an excellent portable snack.

Vegetables

Roast sweet potatoes, white potatoes, winter squash, and root vegetables in batches. These vegetables hold up well to reheating and are nutrient-dense sources of carbohydrates.

If you tolerate white rice, make large quantities in a rice cooker or Instant Pot.

Cruciferous vegetables, such as broccoli, cauliflower, and brussels sprouts, also hold up well to reheating throughout the week.

Sauces

Make several sauces to use throughout the week. Salsa, guacamole, gremolata, and chimichurri are just a few examples of Paleo-friendly sauces that can be made ahead of time and quickly spice up any meal.

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Four Meal Prepping Tips and Tricks

Now that you know the basics of meal prepping, you’re well on your way towards saving time in the kitchen and eating well.

To build on your new skills and help you stay on track with Paleo eating, here are more ideas you can use, including strategies for how to shop Paleo on a budget, where to buy healthy staples and fresh ingredients, how to shop seasonally, and—when home-cooking isn’t on the menu—recommendations for Paleo meal delivery services.

1. Stick to a Budget

Shopping Paleo can be expensive if you don’t know how to grocery shop to your advantage. With the tips I’ve outlined here, you can successfully shop Paleo on a budget while still filling your cart with high-quality, nutrient-dense foods.

Buy conventional instead of organic (for some produce). Organic produce is ideal because it reduces our exposure to harmful pesticides and herbicides. However, costs can really add up when buying nothing but organic foods. If this is a problem for you, check out the Environmental Working Group’s Clean 15 and Dirty Dozen lists to determine which conventionally grown fruits and vegetables are lowest in pesticides and thus safe to buy conventional rather than organic.

Whether you buy organic or conventional produce, thoroughly wash your produce before eating. Almost no food is completely free of pesticides. The most effective way to remove pesticides from produce is by washing produce in a baking soda bath. (4) To wash vegetables, fill a large bowl with water and add a teaspoon of baking soda. Add the veggies and soak for 10 to 15 minutes. Scrub with a scrub brush and then rinse under clean water. For leafy greens, soak in a baking soda bath for a minute, thoroughly rinse, and then spin dry in a salad spinner. Wash smooth-skinned fruits (like apples and nectarines) in a baking soda bath like you would for veggies.

Here are some more money-saving tips:

Buy frozen produce. Buying frozen produce saves money while still providing you with nutrient-dense food; most fruits and vegetables are flash-frozen immediately after picking, thus preserving the nutrients they contain.

Buy in-season produce. Out-of-season produce is typically shipped from distant locations, including other continents, increasing costs. It’s also generally picked before it’s allowed to ripen (so that it can be transported without bruising or other damage), and that can impact its nutrient content if it’s improperly stored or subjected to temperature extremes.

Start a garden. Growing your own produce takes some work, but it ultimately is a really low-cost way to obtain organic fruits and vegetables.

Buy lower-quality cuts of meat. You don’t need to buy expensive cuts of meat to eat Paleo. For example, ground beef and brisket are cheaper than filet mignon but have the same nutritional value. In fact, some of the so-called “less desirable” cuts of meat may actually have higher nutritional value than pure muscle meat; for instance, nutritious gelatin-rich cuts of meat such as chuck roast and beef shank are often cheaper than cuts such as sirloin.

Choose more affordable species of wild fish, such as wild sardines instead of wild salmon.

Make eggs a staple in your diet. Eggs are a very economical protein source, including high-quality, farm-fresh eggs from a local source.

Buy in bulk. Many bulk grocery stores now offer many healthy options, including organic produce, wild seafood, and pastured meats, at lower prices than regular grocery stores. Consider buying a quarter, half, or or whole animal for meat directly from a rancher or farmer instead of single cuts from the grocery store; while you’ll need to invest in a chest freezer, this strategy can significantly reduce the cost of meat.

2. Shop Around for Healthy Food

Contrary to popular belief, Whole Foods is not the only place you can buy healthy food! All the stores listed here have excellent selections of healthy, Paleo-friendly foods. Even your local grocery store is likely to have some options.

Trader Joe’s

Natural Grocers

Sprouts Farmers Market

Super Target

Wegmans

Harris Teeter

Hannaford

Albertsons

Food Lion

Publix

Pathmark

Kroger

Aldi

Lidl

Costco

Sam’s Club

Farmers Markets

Don’t forget about your local farmers market! Farmers markets offer fresh produce, meat, and (depending on where you live) seafood at lower prices than most grocery stores. You might also want to investigate a CSA—community supported agriculture—in your area from which you can purchase a subscription to locally raised foods including produce and meat, delivered weekly or monthly.

Online

Healthy grocery shopping can now be done online as well as in person. The following online grocery stores offer organic, healthy options and deliver right to your door:

Thrive Market

Vitacost

AmazonFresh

Shop Seasonally

Shopping seasonally is a great way to tune in with your local food system and save money. Check out the Seasonal Food Guide to find out what produce is in season near you.

3. Use Real Food Delivery Services

If you are really tight on time but still committed to eating healthy meals, you may want to consider a Paleo “real food” meal delivery service. There are countless options out there, but I’ve curated the very best in this list.

Beetnik Foods

Beetnik Foods meals are certified Paleo friendly, delivered nationwide, and also available in select health food and grocery stores.

ButcherBox

ButcherBox delivers 100 percent grass-fed and grass-finished beef, heritage breed pork, and free-range, organic chicken. That can help if you’re short on time or if you’re struggling to find a local provider of grass-fed meat.

Caveman Chefs

Caveman Chefs offers both meal delivery services and catering. It is based in Colorado but ships nationwide. Choose from meals that are Whole30 approved, autoimmune protocol, low FODMAP, and ketogenic.

Factor 75

Factor 75 meals are premade, 100 percent organic, and free of hormones, GMOs, and antibiotics. Choose from bundles of four, six, eight, 12, or 18 meals.

Green Chef

Green Chef provides you with prepped ingredients to cook three two-person Paleo dinners (or two four-person dinners on the family plan) each week. All recipes are organic and gluten-free, feature protein and fresh veggies, and contain zero grains or dairy.

Kettlebell Kitchen

Kettlebell Kitchen meals are free of artificial ingredients, preservatives, gluten, dairy, soy, corn, industrial vegetable oils, and refined sugar. Some of the meals contain non-Paleo ingredients that are tolerated by many people, including white rice, lentils, and gluten-free oats.

Paleo On The Go

Paleo On The Go operates out of a completely gluten-free kitchen and specializes in Paleo and autoimmune protocol-friendly frozen premade meals that can be delivered nationwide. You can purchase meals individually or in bundles.

Paleo Power Meals

Paleo Power Meals offers premade meals with generous portions that pack a large amount of protein.

Pete’s Paleo

Pete’s Paleo offers seasonally inspired, farm-fresh prepared Paleo meals. Order bundles of five, 10, 14, or 20 meals in vacuum-sealed packages from anywhere in the United States.

Sunbasket

Sunbasket allows you to select three two- or four-person meal kits per week without gluten, grains, soy, corn, added sugar, or dairy. The ingredients and recipes are delivered fresh so you can cook great meals without any planning or shopping.

The Good Kitchen

The Good Kitchen sources organic produce almost exclusively from local farms in North Carolina (where its operation is based) and delivers its refrigerated and frozen meals nationwide.

Trifecta Nutrition

Trifecta Nutrition provides ready-to-eat dinners and lunches that are non-GMO, 100 percent organic, and free of sugar, grains, gluten, dairy, and soy. You can also upgrade to add breakfasts and additional entrées or choose build-your-own meals.

TrueFare

TrueFare uses the highest-quality ingredients in their meals, including organic produce, grass-fed beef, heritage pork, and organic or free-range poultry. They offer Paleo-, keto-, autoimmune protocol-, and Whole30-friendly meal plans.

4. Stock Your Kitchen with the Essentials

To successfully meal prep, you’ll need to stock your kitchen with some essential tools. This includes basic tools that everyone should have in their kitchen, Paleo-specific items, cookware and bakeware, and maybe some “nice to have” extras for when you decide to get creative with cooking.

Kitchen Basics

Measuring cups

Measuring spoons

Potholders

Kitchen towels

Vegetable peeler

Spice rack

Cutting boards

Chef’s knife

Slotted spoons

Spatula

Ladle

Utensil holder

Mixing bowls

Glass storage container

Wooden spoons

Paleo Kitchen Essentials

Meat cleaver

Paring knife

Whisk

Grater

Probe meat thermometer

Hand-held lemon squeezer or citrus reamer

Mason jars

Salad spinner

Cheesecloth or cotton/linen fine mesh towel

Potato masher

Tongs

Food processor

Blender

Immersion blender

Cookware and Bakeware

Sauté pan

Saucepan

Skillets

Baking dishes

Stockpot

Soup pot

Dutch oven

“Nice to Have” Items

Kitchen shears

Pepper mill

Mandoline

Muffin tin and muffin liners

Ramekins

Spoon rest

Meat grinder

Hand mixer

Mortar and pestle

Slow cooker

Sous vide

Dehydrator

Spiralizer

Fermentation pot

Juicer

Spice grinder machine

Garlic press

Tool for making your own meat jerky (such as LEM Products 468 Jerky Cannon)

Food processor

Instant Pot

Countertop toaster oven or convection oven

Water Filter

For drinking and cooking water, I recommend investing in a high-quality water filter. Berkey water filtration systems sit conveniently on your countertop and remove viruses, pathogenic bacteria, cysts, and parasites to undetectable levels. They also reduce heavy metals without eliminating beneficial minerals. Additional white filters can be added to remove fluoride. If you want to filter your home’s entire water supply, you may want to consider a reverse osmosis filter instead.

Food Storage

Once you’ve prepped your meals, you’ll need containers for storing everything. Since plastic containers contain chemicals that are known endocrine disruptors, I prefer people use glass storage dishes with BPA-free lids.

For wrapping up foods, use unbleached parchment paper or beeswax-coated reusable food wrap (such as Bee’s Wrap) instead of conventional plastic wrap, which may leach endocrine disrupting chemicals into your food. (5) Finally, try reusable silicone storage bags (such as Stasher bags) instead of plastic freezer/storage bags, which may also contain endocrine-disrupting plasticizers.

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Now I’d like to hear from you. Do you practice food prepping? If not, do you think you’ll try the food-prepping strategies I’ve outlined in this article? Let me know in the comments below.

The post Meal Prep: Your Best Tool for Healthy Eating appeared first on Chris Kresser.

from Chris Kresser http://bit.ly/2N2qb7s via IFTTT http://bit.ly/2SxUCIv

[turntothree]

Ry& Reaction: Wolves & Shepherds

E3 came early this year! ...OK, it didn’t but it certainly felt that way, kind of.

It seems in recent years, game publishers have been tripping over themselves to take up valuable space on that pre-show hype train. I’m talking teasers, press releases, cryptic tweets and anything else they can think of to score some attention before the big three step in and snatch the spotlight. Hell, we’ve seen E3 grow an extra couple days to accommodate more publisher-sponsored events.

Editor’s Note: Really looking forward to that keynote, Devolver Digital!

A few weeks back, Ubisoft decided to do things its own way and steer the train in a slightly different direction with a bombshell announcement most other companies would save for the trade show.

Editor’s Note: NO! NO! That wasn’t released, it escaped!

Damn, man. I was just kidding. It’s going to be alright.

Anyway...this is what I’m really talking about.

Yup, the French gaming giant casually name dropped one of its top secret E3 reveals in a nonchalant tweet, a whole month before the show. But it didn’t stop there. One week later, the aforementioned Youtube suite released a...let’s call it “tourism video” for the humble little town of Hope County, Montana.  

Editor’s Note: I have a “MIGHTY” fine feeling about this place.

What? You’ve got crisp country air for breathin’, plenty of wild game for huntin, a nice clean creek for fishin’ and plenty of big ol’ green acres to roam. Of course, you’d have to overlook the constant bear attacks, air strikes, ominously empty streets and the prospect of being randomly murdered, but what town doesn’t have its share of problems?  

Editor’s Note: Wait...wasn’t Far Cry 4’s announcement handled in a similar fashion? Letting the fanbase sneak a peek behind the curtain; then slamming the curtain back down until a good and proper reveal at E3? Isn’t that what’s going on here?

You’d think so, but...

Dateline – May 26, 2017

IGN’s Daemon Hatfield and Marty Silva greeted the California sunrise with a live (and exclusive) reveal of Far Cry 5’s first proper trailer. In it, would-be players are told the sad tale of how a struggling working-class town was taken in by a wealthy con artist who promised the world.

This self-proclaimed “prophet” Joseph Seed and his twisted family of disciples preached of peace and prosperity; instead they delivered onto his flock a life of servitude and unabashed cruelty. He used his good fortune to giveith himself their property. He used his cultish militia to takeith away their free will. The chosen among “his” townsfolk would be baptised into his parish or they would surely perish.

In a town past the edge of civility, a brave few in the community have chosen to fight back against Seed’s ghoulish gospel and reclaim what’s theirs. In this holy war for the soul of America’s heart land, it is up to the player to lead the resistance. 

That’s the story (at least up to that point)...as for gameplay, the trailer didn’t show too much, but it caught fans a quick glimpse at some old and new tricks alike.

As said previously, the hunting mechanics are back, but with a new batch of wildlife to track. Bears, deer, wolves, cows and bulls are among the critters in the mix. In a similar vain, fishing will be implemented into the series for the first time. Catch and fry up some bass for hit points!

Also returning are the conveniently placed vehicles. Fast travel and open road/seas/(and for the first time) sky combat will be a breeze with your choice of motor boats, ATVs, 18 wheelers, muscle cars and fighter planes. 

Of course, the series’ standard first-person gunplay will remain locked and loaded.

Oh and the world-wide release date for Far Cry 5 has been set for February 27, 2018. The platforms in which it will be made available are as follows: Xbox One, PlayStation 4 and PC. Sorry, Nintendo fans. No Switch port is planned.

Editor’s Note: That’s a fair bit of information. Surely, that’s enough to appease fans for now.

Actually, Ubisoft continued the Youtube rollout with three more trailers; specifically the stories of the three main support characters as told by them in direct conversation with the player.

Meet Nick Rye: A third-generation fighter pilot who had been fortunate enough to have never seen combat, but when “Eden’s Gate” comes knockin’ on his doorstep, Nick is the first to enlist in the resistance.

Meet Mary May Fairgrave: A bartender pushed to the edge after both her brother and mother are kidnapped by Seed’s followers; now her family-owned establishment serves as a home for anyone looking to bust a cap in “Eden’s Ass!”

Meet Jerome Jefferies: The local pastor turned shepherd in wolves clothing; charged with the task of taking back the flock “father” Seed had led astray.

Monologues aside, the folks at UbiBlog also had the chance to catch up with Far Cry 5 Creative Director Dan Hay, who discussed the modern day anxieties, urban legends and Montana road trip that inspired the game’s theme and setting. That interview was also posted to Youtube.  

Editor’s Note: ...Anything else?

Then the press releases rolled out and the media was all over it.

Details of full campaign co-op; a customizable protagonist (who also happens to be the sheriff’s deputy); and so much pending controversy plastered the headlines.

Oh yeah, and there has also been some talk about melee combat specific scenarios being worked into the game. New weapons such as baseball bats, sledgehammers and pitchforks will be implemented as part of the series’ inventory.

image credit - 20th Century Fox

Editor’s Note: Wow! That’s an awful lot to tell so soon. What’s left for the E3 showing?

Actually, there’s still plenty to juicy reveal tidbits to share. Like say, an in-depth look at “Eden’s Gate”. We know so much about the heroes, but we haven’t really seen much of anything concerning the big bads, nor do we know the why or how of their hostile takeover.

There’s also the new feature Ubisoft promised to show off during its presser. If I had to wager a guess, I’d say it’s either the campaign’s co-op option or the flight mechanics.

Editor’s Note: Even still, why reveal so much about the game now? Why not leave it all as a major E3 surprise?   

My theory, the publisher wants the press to focus its collective energy on whatever new Ubisoft IPs (and or Assassin’s Creed sequel) premier that fateful day, so it’s trying to answer the more common Far Cry questions ASAP. Also, all this Far Cry hype sure makes for a damn fine centerpiece.

...

Editor’s Note: Thoughts on what you’ve seen and read so far?

 *Sigh* I guess I should start off by addressing the elephant in the room – the story.

For all of the hullabaloo, it’s nothing new. The town overrun with zealot cultists ranks among the classics of horror tropes, and stories (subtly or not) inspired by political unrest are certainly commonplace, even in the world video games.

Editor’s Note: And they’re only going to get more common over the next, let’s say four years?

While these character archetypes and plot devices may seem a tad (or more) over done, that doesn’t mean they can’t be used to tell a good story. In fact, I trust Ubisoft Montreal to do just that. That’s not to say I didn’t have any reservations or crack a joke or two at first glance, but the deeper the Youtube showings went, the more invested I got.

Hearing the stories of Nick, Mary and Pastor Jerome gave me Goosebumps, and I instantly wanted to know more about what was going on and how they aimed to deal with it.

Editor’s Note: Forget this customizable protagonist nonsense, Ubisoft. Rip-off Rockstar so I can swap between these three heroes!

The villains on the other hand, I have no real opinion of, yet. Sure, Ubi is more than capable of creating the type of sinisterly charismatic baddies this plot calls for (shout out to Vaas and Pagan Min), so I feel “Eden’s Gate” has plenty of potential. However, I can’t judge Seed or his siblings sight unseen.

...Promo images excluded, of course.

Editor’s Note: Speaking of elephants, Far Cry 4 let me wreck shit on elephant back. Surely, Ubisoft can’t just expect me to go back to primitive man power.

I don’t believe the southern United States is an elephant’s natural habitat.  

Editor’s Note: i dOn’T bEliEVe tHE SoUtHERn UnITeD StATeS iS aN eLePHaNT’s nAtURal hAbITat.

...

OK, so Montana isn’t normally thought of alongside the exotic locales the series is known for, but the more I’ve thought it over, the more I’ve come to realize it’s the perfect setting for a Far Cry game.

It’s beautiful and serene territory hosts some gorgeous natural splendour...it also has some hidden and very real dangers entrenched deep within its forestry and rocky domains. The ravenous wolves, perilous coyote packs, rabid dogs, wild bulls and massive grizzlies will be just as, if not more formidable than the tigers and honey badgers of previous games.

If you’re luckily enough to be the hunter, as opposed to the hunted, you’ll be able to score some prime cuts of meat for health boosts, and some fine pelts for crafting items.

Of course, there’s also the option to fish for some grub. That could be fun for a bit.

Editor’s Note: As long as it’s SEGA Bass Fishing quality and not Sonic Adventure quality, I’m totally up to do a little fishin’.

Not to mention the prospect of being hunted down by a bunch of gun-toting manics does compliment itself rather terrifyingly well to the whole outdoor survivalist angle, much like the militants and royal guardsmen of entries 1-4.

Yeah, the setting might be a little different and the enemies might be a little different but this is still very much Far Cry, with all the fun DIY M-A-Y-H-E-M that comes with it.

Speaking of what makes Far Cry - Far Cry, let’s talk vehicles. This pitched selection is cool as frig!

Tarring through the countryside in a muscle car or big rig, and the promise of delivering some cathartic death from above sounds absolutely sick!

Editor’s Note: Hopefully, the air battles can match stuff like Ace Combat or Battlefield 1. Now that would be sick.

Anything else...oh, right; campaign co-op. It’s a great idea!

I can’t recall the number of times I played through a mission in Far Cry 4 only to find myself completely surrounded and desperately wishing I had back-up. The ability to call in a buddy should certainly make breaking through those impenetrable compounds at least a little bit more bearable.

Editor’s Note: This all sounds rad...still wish I had my elephant though.

...

I honestly don’t quite know how to cap this off. I guess I could say:

Far Cry 5 has all the potential in the world to be a great action game, as its pedigree can attest. The guns, explosions, fast rides, deadly beasts, and vast destructible set pieces are all on lock. It has all it needs to kick ass and take names. But its creative direction is taking the series into some unknown and fairly risky territory.

There’s certainly plenty of potential in the characters and setting presented, as I’ve said earlier. However, the direction the game seems to be heading could cause a drastic tonal shift that throws the entire thing off kilter. This building sense of horror, sorrow and despair, and to have it all inspired by today’s political climate could put a major damper on the aforementioned ass-kicking and taking of names.

It’s going to be tough and sadly, it might even get a little ugly, but Ubisoft has a rock solid creative team and I do believe they can make these pieces fit into something truly great. At least I hope so.

...

...

Boy that sure was some dark stuff. Let’s lighten things up next time by battling it out Poké-Style!

[breegullbeakreviews]

Summary: After a hundred year slumber, Link has awoken to a Hyrule ravaged by Calamity Gannon with the princess not able to hold the beast at bay much longer. Prepare to vanquish evil incarnate in a game that redefines The Legend of Zelda.

Overall: Breath of the Wild is a breath of fresh air for the Zelda series. Despite some average to mediocre elements, the sense of adventure this game creates is something that everyone should experience.

Redefining a Legend: The Legend of Zelda is an idea that grew from exploring caves in the wilderness. Over 30 years after the original game launched Zelda as a series has reached its second evolution. The first major jump was the transition to 3D. This shifted the focus from exploration to narrative. If you haven’t watched Egoraptor’s Sequlitis on Ocarina Time and Link to the Past, it describes this change in design pretty well. Even when the game feels like a grand adventure, the next point on the map you need to go to is always obvious. This is where Breath of the Wild comes in.

Breath of the Wild is an open world game, but its design is dated in a good way. While it has the verticality of a Far Cry game, unlike a Skyrim or Fallout, it has minimal, if any waypoints. Exploration isn’t guided for the most part. Outside the main quest markers showing you where each of the four major quests start, markers tend to point back to where you’ll turn in a quest. Instead the game wants you to make your own markers. Look out into the distance and see something cool? Place a custom waypoint and go there yourself.

Wind Waker felt like an epic adventure because of all the empty space, but the areas of interest were all obvious. Here the area that is vacant and the area that is of interest doesn’t look all that different. The focus has come back around to exploration, and I think that’s for the best.

World: Hyrule is big. Really, really big. Even if it wasn’t bigger than Skyrim, it would still feel bigger because of some important tricks and game design choices. First off the camera is in third person and pretty zoomed out. Unlike most Zelda game the camera more often than not is zoomed out enough that Link takes up far less of the screen making him feel smaller and the world larger. Second is how you get around the world. The game’s limited Stamina meter drains pretty quickly. Even with upgrades you can only sprint for maybe 20 seconds or so. Early cliffs feel impossibly high when you can barely climb them without stopping every 10 seconds on level ground. Gliding can get you around fast, but the fact that most of the time you barely travel that far at all while gliding again makes the world feel massive.

The map consists of a lot of varied terrain and landmarks. While some are designed to call back to previous games, a lot of them are brand new. Famous locals like Death Mountain and Hyrule Castle make returns, but new locals like Tarrey Town and a few others are brand new. The game has a lot of cool areas you’ll find organically, and plenty more you will need to hunt for more thoroughly. Unless of course you get lucky and stubble onto them.

Weather can be aggravating as hell though. Rain can start out of nowhere and that can end your climb before it can even begin. Thunder storms can be fun to use to your advantage, but more often than not it ends up just being a nuisance. It’s not as though all the weather is a bad idea though. The various biomes have different weather that you’ll need to either dress for or prepare for through cooking.

The world is also a puzzle. Korok seeds are hidden in the world via simple puzzles that just barely stand out from the environment. There are 900 of these things and I’m still not sure I know all of the ways they’re hidden. Again these aren’t marked at all and you’ll just stumble upon them naturally as you play around in Hyrule.

Combat: Weapons break and it sucks. Sure when you get the Master Sword it recharges after several minutes, and each of the main quests unlock a weapon that can be rebuilt, but it’s still annoying. Eventually it becomes less of a problem, but that’s also a result of just not getting into combat as often.

Past the breakable weapons, combat is great. Pulling a perfect dodge or parry feels great. Even if I’m not a huge fan of all of the different weapon types, it’s always fun to think on your feet even when you keep falling on your face. Despite the variety I never found myself using the bow outside of boss fights and would often forget I had it during puzzles.

The Sheikah Slate abilities are also super fun to use in battle, particularly remote bombs. Unless the target is charging up a ranged shot, luring them into an explosion can turn the tide of battle. While all of the other abilities can be used in combat as well, they for the most part feel overpowered or underpowered depending on if they’re upgraded.

Side Quests: These are a mixed bag. Some of these quests aren’t good at all. Collecting 10 crickets isn’t fun. Collecting wood isn’t fun. Finding a certain weapon isn’t fun. These are some of the quests, but these are the ones that pile up in your quest log. The good quests are the ones that are essentially riddles. While these more often than not Shrine Quests, these make you utilize everything you know about manipulating the environment outside of a room built for a puzzle.

There is one special side quest I alluded to earlier that is certainly a highlight of the game, but I won’t spoil it here. Even if not everything here is of the highest quality, the good quests are really good. The only thing that’s sad is that the game doesn’t make it easy to find where they start, so it is really easy to miss some gems.

Shrines: These are mini-dungeons. While some are multiple rooms, most focus on a single mechanic or theme. From the start of the game you’ll need to complete 4 to unlock all of the Sheikah Slate abilities you’ll use to solve these puzzles for the rest of the game. While the first four are designed so that you’ll need just the one ability to beat while showing all of the uses, the other 116 can be beaten in a number of ways.

Well mostly. A pretty sizable chunk of the shrines are combat trials that pit you off against a Guardian. Early on these are ridiculously difficult, but you’ll eventually learn how to handle these with ease, but I wish they had more variety, and that lack of variety is a big problem. All of the shrines look the same inside. The combat trials have either destructible pillars or moveable metal crates while certain shrines are just a path to the award since the challenge was getting there.

Back to the puzzle shrines, the ones that make you think are great. A few revolve around riddles which make you think outside the box. Most however will be a matter of figuring out how to open up or reach the goal by using what’s available in the environment. What makes this great is that there is no one answer, usually. Even outside combat challenges you’ll come across a few shrines that have a single solution, but most are flexible enough to let you experiment with all of the games systems and that’s really cool.

Main Quests: The game has two required quests and 4 major optional ones. The first major quest is a tutorial that nets you all of your core gadgets and from there you can run right to the castle and battle Gannon if you’ve got the skill. That essentially means most of this game is optional content. The 4 other major quests task Link with freeing the Divine Beasts from Gannon’s grasp. Each of the four not only weakens Gannon when you finally face him, but also removes the need to fight all 4 of these quests bosses back to back before facing Gannon head on. More on that later.

The quests themselves are pretty missed. The one in the northwest is pretty bad, but the dungeon is good. The rest are all really solid all around, but I do have to say the highlight is the Southwest questline. While the other quests send you out to explore, here it’s the most fun as it has special set pieces designed for that exploration. The biggest weak point is how similar all the dungeons are. Each relies on a similar gimmick with a similar goal, and because they can be tackled in any order, they all are at the same level of difficulty.

Bosses: They’re generally pretty awful. Despite how much focus has been put on improving the combat, boss fights generally aren’t good here. Just like the above dungeons, the bosses all feel the same, and Gannon himself pulls most of his move set from those same bosses make even him feel dull. I also hate his design. While his beast form is cool, that boss fight is even more boring. The best fight in the game is probably the mini-boss during the Southwest quest since there is no other encounter like it in the game.

Story: It’s okay at best. The English voice acting is pretty bad so it’s a good thing only a select few characters get voice acting at all, and even then it’s exclusively for cut scenes. The Narrative is bare bones. Link awakes after 100 years to find Gannon has taken over Hyrule Castle. Shortly thereafter he finds out from the ghost of the king that Zelda is holding Gannon at bay, but Link needs to hurry up and slay the beast because Zelda can’t hold him much longer.

From here Link can literally run straight to the end of the game and skip all narrative points, or he can hit them in any order her wants. This means that there can’t really be any narrative flow. Since you can hit all of the story beats in any order you wish outside the beginning and end, the narrative can’t be designed to flow from one beat to the next. While Zelda was never high art with its stories, Breath of the Wild has a narrative so inconsequential that you can miss it entirely ore hit all of the beats and the only difference would be how much you know about the world.

Zelda is annoying, but you’d only know this if you went and hunted down her photos in one of the games more interesting optional side quests that ties into the main narrative. The other four champions are all one note. You’ve got the jerk, the muscle head, the compassionate healer, and the teasing lover. Due to the fact that they only exist as flash backs, they never get more than two dedicated scenes for development, if that.

Now the world itself has some great world building. The cities area all pretty interesting, and the side missions generally bring a personality to all of the citizens. It’s just that the main narrative doesn’t function well. Isolated side missions stories are allowed a begging, a middle, and an end, but when you are allowed to remix the way to witness the story the results get muddied fast. The one awesome side quest I refuse to spoil has a really good narrative that brings a side character thorough a character arc before opening up a whole new series of interesting side quests. If the game had a larger focus on stories like these, it’d be a much better game overall.

[daynamartinez22]

All Links are Not Created Equal: 20 New Graphics on Google’s Valuation of Links

Posted by Cyrus-Shepard

Twenty-two years ago, the founders of Google invented PageRank, and forever changed the web. A few things that made PageRank dramatically different from existing ranking algorithms:

Links on the web count as votes. Initially, all votes are equal.

Pages which receive more votes become more important (and rank higher.)

More important pages cast more important votes.

But Google didn't stop there: they innovated with anchor text, topic-modeling, content analysis, trust signals, user engagement, and more to deliver better and better results.

Links are no longer equal. Not by a long shot.

Rand Fishkin published the original version of this post in 2010—and to be honest, it rocked our world. Parts of his original have been heavily borrowed here, and Rand graciously consulted on this update.

In this post, we'll walk you through 20 principles of link valuation that have been observed and tested by SEOs. In some cases, they have been confirmed by Google, while others have been patented. Please note that these are not hard and fast rules, but principles that interplay with one another. A burst of fresh link can often outweigh powerful links, spam links can blunt the effect of fresh links, etc.

We strongly encourage you to test these yourselves. To quote Rand, "Nothing is better for learning SEO than going out and experimenting in the wild."

1. Links From Popular Pages Cast More Powerful Votes

Let’s begin with a foundational principle. This concept formed the basis of Google’s original PageRank patent, and quickly help vault it to the most popular search engine in the world. PageRank can become incredibly complex very quickly—but to oversimplify—the more votes (links) a page has pointed to it, the more PageRank (and other possible link-based signals) it accumulates. The more votes it accumulates, the more it can pass on to other pages through outbound links. In basic terms, popular pages are ones that have accumulated a lot of votes themselves. Scoring a link from a popular page can typically be more powerful than earning a link from a page with fewer link votes.

2. Links "Inside" Unique Main Content Pass More Value than Boilerplate Links

Google’s Reasonable Surfer, Semantic Distance, and Boilerplate patents all suggest valuing content and links more highly if they are positioned in the unique, main text area of the page, versus sidebars, headers, and footers, aka the “boilerplate.”

It certainly makes sense, as boilerplate links are not truly editorial, but typically automatically inserted by a CMS (even if a human decided to put them there.) Google’s Quality Rater Guidelines encourage evaluators to focus on the “Main Content” of a page.

Similarly, SEO experiments have found that links hidden within expandable tabs or accordions (by either CSS or JavaScript) may carry less weight than fully visible links, though Google says they fully index and weight these links.

3. Links Higher Up in the Main Content Cast More Powerful Votes

If you had a choice between 2 links, which would you choose?

One placed prominently in the first paragraph of a page, or

One placed lower beneath several paragraphs

Of course, you’d pick the link visitors would likely click on, and Google would want to do the same. Google’s Reasonable Surfer Patent describes methods for giving more weight to links it believes people will actually click, including links placed in more prominent positions on the page.

Matt Cutts, former head of Google’s Webspam team, once famously encouraged SEOs to pay attention to the first link on the page, and not bury important links. (source)

4. Links With Relevant Anchor Text May Pass More Value

Also included in Google’s Reasonable Surfer patent is the concept of giving more weight to links with relevant anchor text. This is only one of several Google patents where anchor text plays an important role. Multiple experiments over the years repeatedly confirm the power of relevant anchor text to boost a page’s ranking better than generic or non-relevant anchor text. It’s important to note that the same Google patents that propose boosting the value of highly-relevant anchors, also discuss devaluing or even ignoring off-topic or irrelevant anchors altogether. Not that you should spam your pages with an abundance of exact match anchors. Data typically shows that high ranking pages typically have a healthy, natural mix of relevant anchors pointing to them.

Similarly, links may carry the context of the words+phrases around/near the link. Though hard evidence is scant, this is mentioned in Google’s patents, and it makes sense that a link surrounded by topically relevant content would be more contextually relevant than the alternative.

5. Links from Unique Domains Matter More than Links from Previously Linking Sites

Experience shows that it’s far better to have 50 links from 50 different domains than to have 500 more links from a site that already links to you.

This makes sense, as Google’s algorithms are designed to measure popularity across the entire web and not simply popularity from a single site.

In fact, this idea has been supported by nearly every SEO ranking factor correlation study ever performed. The number of unique linking root domains is almost always a better predictor of Google rankings than a site’s raw number of total links.

Rand points out that this principle is not always universally true. "When given the option between a 2nd or 3rd link from the NYTimes vs. randomsitexyz, it's almost always more rank-boosting and marketing helpful to go with another NYT link."

6. External Links are More Influential than Internal Links

If we extend the concept from #3 above, then it follows that links from external sites should count more than internal links from your own site. The same correlation studies almost always show that high ranking sites are associated with more external links than lower ranking sites.

Search engines seem to follow the concept that what others say about you is more important than what you say about yourself.

That’s not to say that internal links don’t count. On the contrary, internal linking and good site architecture can be hugely impactful on Google rankings. That said, building external links is often the fastest way to higher rankings and more traffic.

7. Links from Sites Closer to a Trusted Seed Set May Pass More Value

The idea of TrustRank has been around for many years. Bill Slawski covers it here. More recently, Google updated its original PageRank patent with a section that incorporates the concept of “trust” using seed sites. The closer a site is linked to a trusted seed site, the more of a boost it receives.

In theory, this means that black hat Private Blog Networks (PBNs) would be less effective if they were a large link distance away from more trusted sites.

Beyond links, other ways that Google may evaluate trust is through online reputation—e.g. through online reviews or sentiment analysis—and use of accurate information (facts). This is of particular concern with YMYL (Your Money or Your Life) pages that "impact the future happiness, health, financial stability, or safety of users."

This means links from sites that Google considers misleading and/or dangerous may be valued less than links from sites that present more reputable information.

8. Links From Topically Relevant Pages May Cast More Powerful Votes

You run a dairy farm. All things being equal, would you rather have a link from:

The National Dairy Association

The Association of Automobile Mechanics

Hopefully, you choose “b” because you recognize it’s more relevant. Though several mechanisms, Google may act in the same way to toward topically relevant links, including Topic-Sensitive PageRank, phrase-based indexing, and local inter-connectivity. These concepts also help discount spam links from non-relevant pages.

While I've included the image above, the concepts around Google's use of topical relevance is incredibly complex. For a primer on SEO relevance signals, I recommend reading: 

Topical SEO: 7 Concepts of Link Relevance & Google Rankings

More than Keywords: 7 Concepts of Advanced On-Page SEO

9. Links From Fresh Pages Can Pass More Value Than Links From Stale Pages

Freshness counts.

Google uses several ways of evaluating content based on freshness. One way to determine the relevancy of a page is to look at the freshness of the links pointing at it.

The basic concept is that pages with links from fresher pages—e.g. newer pages and those more regularly updated—are likely more relevant than pages with links from mostly stale pages, or pages that haven’t been updated in a while. 

For a good read on the subject, Justing Briggs has described and named this concept FreshRank.

A page with a burst of links from fresher pages may indicate immediate relevance, compared to a page that has had the same old links for the past 10 years. In these cases, the rate of link growth and the freshness of the linking pages can have a significant influence on rankings.

It's important to note that "old" is not the same thing as stale. A stale page is one that:

Isn't updated, often with outdated content

Earns fewer new links over time

Exhibits declining user engagement

If a page doesn't meet these requirements, it can be considered fresh - no matter its actual age. As Rand notes, "Old crusty links can also be really valuable, especially if the page is kept up to date."

10. The Rate of Link Growth Can Signal Freshness

If Google sees a burst of new links to a page, this could indicate a signal of relevance.

By the same measure, a decrease in the overall rate of link growth would indicate that the page has become stale, and likely to be devalued in search results.

All of these freshness concepts, and more, are covered by Google’s Information Retrieval Based on Historical Data patent.

If a webpage sees an increase in its link growth rate, this could indicate a signal of relevance to search engines. For example, if folks start linking to your personal website because you're about to get married, your site could be deemed more relevant and fresh (as far as this current event goes.)

11. Google Devalues Spam and Low-Quality Links

While there are trillions of links on the web, the truth is that Google likely ignores a large swath of them. Google’s goal is to focus on editorial links, e.g. “links that you didn't even have to ask for because they are editorially given by other website owners.” Since Penguin 4.0, Google has implied that their algorithms simply ignore links that they don’t feel meet these standards. These include links generated by negative SEO and link schemes.

That said, there’s lots of debate if Google truly ignores all low-quality links, as there’s evidence that low-quality links—especially those Google might see as manipulative—may actually hurt you.

12. Link Echos: The Influence Of A Link May Persist Even After It Disappears

Link Echos (a.k.a. Link Ghosts) describe the phenomenon where the ranking impact of a link often appears to persist, even long after the link is gone.

Rand has performed several experiments on this and the reverberation effect of links is incredibly persistent, even months after the links have dropped from the web, and Google has recrawled and indexed these pages several times.

Speculation as to why this happens includes: Google looking at other ranking factors once the page has climbed in rankings (e.g. user engagement), Google assigning persistence or degradation to link value that isn’t wholly dependent on its existence on the page, or factors we can’t quite recognize.

Whatever the root cause, the value of a link can have a reverberating, ethereal quality that exists separately from its HTML roots.

As a counterpoint, Niel Patel recently ran an experiment where rankings dropped after low-authority sites lost a large number of links all at once, so it appears possible to overcome this phenomenon under the right circumstances.

13. Sites Linking Out to Authoritative Content May Count More Than Those That Do Not

While Google claims that linking out to quality sites isn’t an explicit ranking factor, they’ve also made statements in the past that it can impact your search performance.

“In the same way that Google trusts sites less when they link to spammy sites or bad neighborhoods, parts of our system encourage links to good sites.” – Matt Cutts

Furthermore, multiple SEO experiments and anecdotal evidence over the years suggest that linking out to relevant, authoritative sites can result in a net positive effect on rankings and visibility.

14. Pages That Link To Spam May Devalue The Other Links They Host

If we take the quote above and focus specifically on the first part, we understand that Google trusts sites less when they link to spam.

This concept can be extended further, as there’s ample evidence of Google demoting sites it believes to be hosting paid links, or part of a private blog network.

Basic advice: when relevant and helpful, link to authoritative sites (and avoid linking to bad sites) when it will benefit your audience.

15. Nofollowed Links Aren't Followed, But May Have Value In Some Cases

Google invented the nofollow link specifically because many webmasters found it hard to prevent spammy, outbound links on their sites - especially those generated by comment spam and UGC.

A common belief is that nofollow links don’t count at all, but Google’s own language leaves some wriggle room. They don’t follow them absolutely, but “in general” and only “essentially” drop the links from their web graph.

That said, numerous SEO experiments and correlation data all suggest that nofollow links can have some value, and webmasters would be wise to maximize their value.

16. ManyJavaScript Links Pass Value, But Only If Google Renders Them

In the old days of SEO, it was common practice to “hide” links using JavaScript, knowing Google couldn’t crawl them.

Today, Google has gotten significantly better at crawling and rendering JavaScript, so that most JavaScript links today will count.

That said, Google still may not crawl or index every JavaScript link. For one, they need extra time and effort to render the JavaScript, and not every site delivers compatible code. Furthermore, Google only considers full links with an anchor tag and href attribute.

17. If A Page Links To The Same URL More Than Once, The First Link Has Priority

... Or more specifically, only the first anchor text counts. If Google crawls a page with two or more links pointing to the same URL, they have explained that while PageRank flows normally through both, they will only use the first anchor text for ranking purposes.

This scenario often comes into play when your sitewide navigation links to an important page, and you also link to it within an article below.

Through testing, folks have discovered a number of clever ways to bypass the First Link Priority rule, but newer studies haven’t been published for several years.

18. Robots.txt and Meta Robots May Impact How and Whether Links Are Seen

Seems obvious, but in order for Google to weigh a link in it’s ranking algorithm, it has to be able to crawl and follow it. Unsurprisingly, there are a number of site and page-level directives which can get in Google’s way. These include:

The URL is blocked from crawling by robots.txt

Robots meta tag or X-Robots-Tag HTTP header use the “nofollow” directive

The page is set to “noindex, follow” but Google eventually stops crawling

Often Google will include a URL in its search results if other pages link to it, even if that page is blocked by robots.txt. But because Google can’t actually crawl the page, any links on the page are virtually invisible.

19. Disavowed Links Don’t Pass Value (Typically)

If you’ve built some shady links, or been hit by a penalty, you can use Google’s disavow tool to help wipe away your sins.

By disavowing, Google effectively removes these backlinks for consideration when they crawl the web.

On the other hand, if Google thinks you’ve made a mistake with your disavow file, they may choose to ignore it entirely - probably to prevent you from self-inflicted harm.

20. Unlinked Mentions May Associate Data or Authority With A Website

Google may connect data about entities (concepts like a business, a person, a work of art, etc) without the presence of HTML links, like the way it does with local business citations or with which data refers to a brand, a movie, a notable person, etc.

In this fashion, unlinked mentions may still associate data or authority with a website or a set of information—even when no link is present.

Bill Slawski has written extensively about entities in search (a few examples here, here, and here). It’s a heady subject, but suffice to say Google doesn’t always need links to associate data and websites together, and strong entity associations may help a site to rank.

Below, you'll find all twenty principals combined into a single graphic. If you'd like to print or embed the image, click here for a higher-res version.

Please credit Moz when using any of these images.

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