#(because of course this hot chocolate is for crowley)

[bleucalire]

Cute girlfriend energy

[pomefioredove]

Could I HCs for the headmasters (or only Riddle, Leona and Azul) reacting to one of their students asking to be transferred to ramshackle? like a small club of Yuu admirers :3

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ Yuu Admirer Club!

I misread this the first time and thought it was yuu transferring to THEIR dorms but, actually, I like this better. this is fun

summary: yuu admirer club :) type of post: headcanons characters: riddle, leona, azul, vil additional info: romantic, reader is gender neutral, reader is yuu

seeing as Heartslabyul hasn't had an expulsion, transfer, or dropout since Riddle became housewarden, this comes as...

...quite a shock

he thought Ace had been joking at first

or annoying him on purpose...

and then he comes down to the lounge one morning with his bags packed and a forged letter from Crowley

despite Riddle's strong feelings towards you

(and they are strong)

he's still offended!

all of the loving and tender discipline he's given, and Ace just leaves?

well, he can't stand for that

Riddle marches to Ramshackle, ready for heads to roll, but before he can even knock, you're there, dragging Ace and his things to the door

"oh, thank goodness. TAKE HIM BACK!"

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Leona doesn't even notice that Jack has been missing until he passes the spelldrive disc at morning practice and there's no one there to catch it

more of a "huh" reaction

then he forgets about it, takes a nap, and only remembers to ask Ruggie the next morning

"he's been gone for two weeks. he moved to Ramshackle, remember?"

Ramshackle? weird choice, but okay

Jack has always been a little... strange

Leona's reaction is more or less, "huh. nice kid. oh, well,"

but after that, he starts seeing you and Jack together more and more

and he starts to feel... weirdly jealous

it's like he's rubbing it in Leona's face

taking up all your time, always making you smile and laugh...

Jack was never that funny at Savanaclaw

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

it takes Azul at least three days to start worrying about Floyd

he and his brother are known to disappear at random

then, the Mostro Lounge has to open an hour late because someone didn't show up for his morning shift

now Azul suddenly can't remember the last time he saw Floyd at the Lounge

after a brief manhunt, he finds Floyd all cozied up on your couch, in your slippers, with a mug of hot chocolate

great

"you cannot transfer dorms by avoiding your old one!"

"exemption!" Floyd says. is he also wearing your robe? "I'm simply a part of the Yuu Admirer Club"

Azul rolls his eyes

...and drags Floyd back to the lounge

after all, if there was such a club, Azul would have been the first to hear of it

*ੈ✩‧₊˚

Vil can feel something is off even before Epel is late

and, as always, he's right

Epel misses curfew, and Vil sets out on a mission like a mother hen missing a chick

of course, he knows just where he's hiding

and he lets himself in unannounced

"Epel, here. now,"

the poor boy looks like he's seen a ghost

you're not even involved in the conversation, but Vil's tone alone is enough to send a chill down your spine

"but- but- I got permission! this is the Yuu Admirer Club!"

Vil, of course, has no patience for this

"I gave you no such permission, and there is no such club,"

you can admire them on your own time like the rest of us, he thinks

luckily, Epel is saved

he's not the only member of the club, after all

"now, judge not so quick, dear Roi du Poison! does our admiration for our Trickster not exemplify that of a club?"

"wh- Rook?"

[krakensdottir]

Something else I've noticed about Crowley's compassion is that it also extends to his enemies.

To a point, mind. What he did to Ligur makes clear that he has limits. And those two pushed them like no one else. If it's compassion or survival, he will pick survival every time, even if it means melting your ass.

But outside of that? Look at him with Shax. He knows she's a threat, he keeps her at arm's length. When she asks about the boiler, though, he's instantly helpful. He could have grinned at her and said 'figure it out' and shut the door. But he didn't. He answered her question, because hey, this Earth shit is hard and she needs all the help she can get. And that's remarkable. Because I doubt most demons would do that - even though helping your replacement settle in could be seen as practical, they generally don't seem to go out of the way for each other at all, certainly aren't obligated to. This was Crowley's decision.

Then there's Gabriel. Crowley doesn't trust him, he initially argues that they shouldn't help him because it's dangerous for them both to be anywhere near him. But once he has agreed to help... he is remarkably gentle with Jim. Answers questions about gravity even when he doesn't have to - when he could easily just not talk to him at all. Even when he tests him, almost gets him to jump out a window, he ends up calling him back (once he's satisfied Jim isn't faking, I have no doubt). He ends up offering him hot chocolate. Even when Crowley wants to be mean, even when he tries, his nature ends up winning.

And finally, Beelzebub. I've seen a lot of talk about how jealous Crowley must be, how bitter... but he doesn't seem like it, does he? He's very soft in that scene. He's the one who recommends them a nice date spot to retreat to - one that he himself was considering at one point. He sounds a little wistful to me, like yeah, he wishes he and Aziraphale could have that happiness too. But he doesn't show any sign of begrudging it, either. It seems like he is, in his Crowley way, happy for them. (Of course I'm sure it doesn't hurt that this means they won't be his or Aziraphale's problem anymore. If it were just that, though, I don't think his voice would've sounded like that.)

So all of this is remarkable, but of course, with a little consideration, it's not surprising coming from Crowley. This is who he is underneath. This is who he wants to be. (Even if he hates that he wants it, lol.)

[aziraphales-library]

Hi, I would like to say that I love your work. I'm looking for a fic that is linked to astronomy, do you have any recommendations???

Hello. Here are some astronomy fics for you...

One Of Us (All It Means Is Hope) by snek_of_eden (G)

“You’ve never seen them before, have you? Stars.” “No,” Muriel whispered, eyes reflecting galaxies. They gripped Crowley’s hand tight. “They don’t tell us.” Around them, snow fell hard and fast. Towards the heavens, everything shon. It felt impossible, but nothing was ever impossible with Crowley, was it? “Hope. That’s what stars are.” ** Muriel is exactly what Aziraphale and Crowley need. Soft December fluff! Hot chocolate, ice skating and Muriel seeing the stars for the very first time.

Sharing the Stars by lyricwritesprose (G)

Wensley has a lot of things to process. Friends with supernatural powers, literal demons hanging around. What he's afraid of. One of the things he thought he was afraid of was Mr. Crowley. But Wensley almost thinks he's getting used to Mr. Crowley. What's more, it almost seems like Mr. Crowley is getting used to him. It's an unlikely friendship—is it a friendship?—but whatever it is, it's getting moreso. Especially once Mr. Crowley figures out that Wensley is interested in astronomy.

Binary Stars by WaitingToBeBroken (T)

Aziraphale has been going to Crowley's astronomy lectures at the local planetarium for a few months now. It is only because he is really interested in space, of course. He loves all the... constellations. And the stars! And then Crowley asks him out for coffee.

A Far Cry From Our Own Sun by quiltedspacemittens (T)

An upcoming eclipse, a telescope, a public garden, and two astronomers weathering the summer along the Hudson River.

The Constancy of Stars by AppleSeeds (T)

Struggling with the fast pace of change in his life and seeking to connect with something more stable and constant, Aziraphale attends an event run by the Tadfield Astronomical Society to learn more about the stars. After meeting captivating astronomer Crowley, Aziraphale realises that the constancy he's been seeking in his life is more about wanting to have someone, rather than something, that he can rely on to always be there, but would it be too much to hope that Crowley might share his feelings?

Clear Skies by twistysoup (M)

Retired bookshop owner Aziraphale decides to join a local astronomy club, where he meets Crowley, a retired astronomy professor. They hit it off immediately and are pretty much inseparable for the rest of time. Three dates later and they find themselves sharing a cottage in the South Downs. What if it all worked out from the very beginning?

- Mod D

[vidavalor]

Hi! In your post earlier today discussing the importance of subplots, you said

“You might think a subplot about The Hellhound and The Ginger Cat learning to play nice and that they have a fuckton in common and should maybe bury the hatchet and just become eternal bffs already is filler but Crowley and Gabriel aligning is set up for the end game.”

and you included a gif of them looking out the window together while Crowley explains his plan to make Nina and Maggie “vavoom.” It reminded me of something that puzzled me on yesterday’s rewatch, and I thought maybe you might have written about it already or, if not, have some thoughts you could share.

We see multiple glimpses of Crowley and Jim/Gabriel in the bookshop while Aziraphale is away in Edinburgh. Crowley seems tolerant, even maybe friendly — certainly not afraid. Then, in the “smited? smote? smitten” scene, we see Crowley wary of returning to the bookshop because of the “amnesiac archangel hiding out” there. And, when he does go to “talk to” Gabriel/Jim at Aziraphale’s suggestion, he is clearly very angry.

I guess I’m wondering why we see Crowley go from initially suspicious (terrified) to seemingly unconcerned (willing to bond alone with Jim in the bookshop) to suspicious (angry) again. I’m not sure whether the important part here is the absence of suspicion in the middle or the return of suspicion nearer the end.

(On a side note, after countless rewatches, this is the first time I heard Crowley whistle at Aziraphale at the start of the smitten scene!)

I appreciate any thoughts you might have to share and I’m grateful for all your recent posts about the upcoming conclusion to this story. I’m glad that be getting one and thought your recent statement summed it up perfectly. “It's going to be very queer and very Pratchett and very good.”

Hi there, @killingmenotatallsoftly! Thanks for reading that meta, for the kind words & for the ask. 💕 I'd be happy to share some thoughts & you can see what you think. There is hot chocolate, of course, because there is nothing more appropriate for meta involving Gabriel and tough topics than that. *starts gathering marshmallows and other mix-in options*

I'm really glad you sent this question because I've seen some other people with similar confusion. I think I can help because Crowley's behavior, imho, is 150% a trauma-related thing. It's actually such a good portrayal of it that diving a bit on this fictional demon's issues might be helpful for some for better recognizing trauma-adjacent behavior with actual people in real life as well, which is why I wound up making this post a whole thing about how trauma informs a lot of Crowley's behavior. That is why it took a minute-- thank you for your patience! 😊

A deep dive under the cut below on how Crowley's PTSD is shown in his behavior, including in his response to Gabriel's presence in the bookshop, and what all of this has to do with his story arc around self-doubt.

TWs: PTSD; anxiety; rape; fire-related trauma... if Crowley's living with it, it's probably in here somewhere.

Crowley's up-and-down response to Gabriel in S2 actually doesn't have that all much to do with Gabriel himself. It has everything, though, to do with Crowley's own trauma-adjacent self-doubt issues.

When a person survives traumatic events, they are very often wired as a result of the trauma to become hyper-vigilant when it comes to their sense of personal safety. This is especially true of those who, like Crowley, have suffered violations to their bodily autonomy and those who, also like Crowley, have developed PTSD. This is related to the self-doubt issues, as we'll see.

One example of this self-doubt is given to us in S2 and that's the revelation that, since S1, Crowley-- a demon of Hell who can make fire with his body-- is now, as a result of the bookshop fire in S1, terrified of fire.

Fire has become a trigger for Crowley's PTSD to such an extent that Aziraphale, in an effort to help Crowley manage his anxiety over this, has replaced every candle in the bookshop with battery-operated ones and scattered fire extinguishers all over the shop. He's even replaced the tapers in the candelabra with LED battery-operated ones so they can continue their candlelit dinners, noticeable when he wields the candelabra like a sword during the bookshop attack.

Aziraphale has done this because the fire in S1 had so triggered Crowley's PTSD that he had been having trouble relaxing in the bookshop, which is the only place he has been able to go for the last few hundred years and be and feel truly safe.

Changing the lights to battery-powered and electric ones are an effort to reduce the likelihood of another fire and the fire extinguishers are there to help Crowley feel more in control. He needs to know that he can quickly and easily put out another fire, should one start. Aziraphale understands this and has been doing what he does best, which is try to help Crowley feel safe.

Crowley's continued trauma over the bookshop fire is also a great example of self-doubt, though, in the sense that he's in a period with his PTSD where it has worsened and, as a result, Crowley is afraid of something that his body is actually capable of making.

In other words: he's afraid of himself.

In S2, Crowley is having trouble overcoming self-doubt about his ability to assess a situation, which can be a very common element of PTSD.

It's not a new thing for Crowley but it was worsened by him watching in S1 as his safe space and the place he considers his home burnt down around him while he, more importantly, thought he had lost the only person he feels truly safe with-- the love of his life-- all at once.

So, why and how does Crowley doubt his ability to assess a situation?

What often happens as a result of being raped is that the person who was harmed feels as if it were their own mistakes that led them to be in a place to have been attacked and that, while the perpetrator is to blame for the assault, they themselves hold some blame for having been in a position where they were vulnerable to being hurt.

This is not true. The only person who holds blame here is the perpetrator and, intellectually, many survivors know that, but trauma response is emotional, not logical. Whether it's conscious, semi-conscious, or unconscious, one of the most difficult aspects to heal from for someone who has survived these kinds of horrors is often the feeling that they hold some blame for it.

Often, resulting behavior from this, though, is that the survivor is always worried on some level that there's something that they are missing that could impact their ability to accurately read a situation.

They are worried that they're going to miss something that puts them in a position to be hurt again in some way or that will endanger those they care about. After all, they think, if they once failed to judge the situation that got them so badly harmed, how can they trust themselves to be sure that they won't make a similar mistake again?

This causes them to react with an extreme sense of hypervigilance around safety that can often get a bit illogical at times, depending on the situation.

This all goes hand-in-hand with other trauma-related behavior we see in Crowley, especially his control-seeking behavior. To be clear: I am not saying controlling behavior, I am saying control-seeking behavior-- rituals and actions in everyday life that are about trying to regain through unrelated things the sense of self-control that was taken in the assault. Crowley's sunglasses, driving, obsessive cleaning, etc. are all examples of control-seeking behavior.

Everyone reacts differently to different forms of trauma but Crowley's story is using pretty much all the hallmarks of common struggles and behavior patterns in people who have been assaulted and who have developed rape-related PTSD and, at the same time, it has shown Satan assaulting him through non-consensual possession, emphasized that as allegorical for rape all over the story, and shown that it was not a new thing the first time we saw it in 1.01.

There is nothing funny about having suffered trauma but there can be some objectively funny aspects to trying to deal with the aftermath of it. Good Omens is great at finding humor in the dark things while also respecting that it's dark stuff, which is a tricky line to walk but is something that is done very well in a very trauma-informed way in Discworld. Sometimes, the easiest way to come at the dark stuff is actually through a comedy but it's a delicate thing and I think what resonates about it in this story for people who have been through different traumas is how they hit the right notes with it.

Crowley's obsessive cleanliness, his spotless flat, his alphabetized music and books, are all because he self-soothes by maintaining order when it comes to the material objects around him. He is at home in Aziraphale's cluttered bookshop but he needs that particular clutter to be undisturbed to a point that he's bothered by Gabriel moving one pile of books from one place to another.

The sunglasses are an attempt at control-seeking behavior because they allow him control over how others see him and mask his full expression from others, allowing him to feel more powerful by feeling more aloof. The biggest example of this stuff, though, is The Bentley.

It's a truth universally acknowledged that many, many people who are pretty far into rape recovery and are more functioning than not with PTSD, if they've developed it, fucking love to drive.

This might initially seem counter-intuitive to what I'm saying because the hypervigilance aspects of PTSD and the overall concern for safety sometimes result in survivors being less risk-averse and driving comes with risks. Its rewards tend to outweigh those risks for many survivors pretty quickly, though. Driving is actually an activity that helps build back self-trust in survivors and it's the ultimate in a sense of control.

People who have survived stuff like this benefit from small, frequent examples of successful situations of which they were fully in control to help build self-trust and work on overcoming self-doubt.

Driving a car requires the successful navigation of several tons worth of machinery from Point A to Point B without accident or injury and back again. It's simple but simple is often the point because survivors need both to feel in control of themselves and their immediate environment while also proving to themselves that they can trust themselves to assess situations. Driving solves those issues at once and helps build that confidence back in people.

It's what makes the already horrifying scene in 1.01 a thousand times worse. The decision to show Satan going through every one of Crowley's desperate attempts at defenses is what emphasizes the brutality of this but it was the fact that Crowley was driving when this happened as part of our re-introduction to him in the first episode that makes it even worse.

That his control over the car is forcibly taken from him and he has to watch as he comes within a breath of killing the guy in the on-coming truck is basically one of his worst nightmares. This guy we've seen wearing the dark clothes, the sunglasses at night, dripping in snark, is already someone for whom abuse is clearly, horribly, nothing new, but it's seeing him lose control of his ability to drive that emphasizes the horror of his loss of control over himself.

This moment is mercifully fairly short, if only because of Crowley needing to deliver the baby to start Armageddon. It shows us, though, that the point is the cruelty with Satan. The only information he gives to Crowley during the assault are instructions as to where to drop off the baby-- information that Hastur & Ligur could have been told to verbally give Crowley. He assaulted Crowley for his own pleasure, to try to exert power and control over him, and part of that involved not relinquishing control so Crowley could drive until Crowley almost killed a human... all with Satan's own infant son in the backseat the whole time. Crowley's inability to use miracles when possessed like that means he wouldn't have been able to stop Satan from forcing him to do someone harm (compounding the guilt and self-loathing from his fall) and he might have thought, during one or more times of this, that he was going to die himself.

So. Yeah. Many people who go through the real world horrors that Crowley's story is about are often just like he is, in that they usually have an overwhelmingly common tendency to need to feel every bit of control over themselves that they can, in an effort to compensate for the control that was robbed from them. They often like to drive, they often relax by cleaning, they likely will absolutely self-soothe by re-alphabetizing their already alphabetized collections...

They might even also try to deal with these control problems and their anger and depression by taking that 'grow a garden to experience some self-trust wins' thing a little too intensely...

I'm not even being tongue-in-cheek here-- gardening, especially small batches of indoor container gardening, is one of the most frequently recommended activities for people who suffer from PTSD. It's low-maintenance enough that it doesn't overwhelm someone experiencing anxiety and/or depression and there are some houseplants that are borderline unkillable, making it a safe, likely win.

Keeping plants alive can be therapeutic for people who find it difficult to trust themselves because they can often find a win in having looked after the plant's basic needs enough to have kept it from dying, which also comes with the joy and pride in seeing it grow. We all can see from a hundred miles away Crowley's issues projected all the fuck over his gardening 😂 but, as um, Crowls, you good over there? as him pretty clearly reenacting his fall and lording over his plants, it's a healthier direction for his anger than taking it out on people would be. Better he's screaming at the plants he thinks don't really understand him than at Aziraphale.

The spots on the leaves really, really bother him, though, because he personalizes the growth of the plants. The criticism isn't really about the plants-- it's self-criticism he's projecting onto them. If the plants aren't lushing up perfectly constantly, Crowley yells at them but he's really blaming himself because he's the one in control of taking care of them. The spots, in his mind, reflect a failure on his part to have anticipated the needs of the plants-- a situation he did not properly assess, a thing that he should have seen coming and missed.

He's yelling at them on the surface and, internally, trying to figure out what he did wrong. Did they need more fertilizer or less? More water, more sun, and when? How did he not see the yellow spot coming?! <insert negative self-thoughts as a result of this here>

Obviously, not super-healthy, right?

The concept of 'sometimes, plants just get yellow leaves and one or two here or there is not a big problem'? That is difficult for Crowley, just as the concept that, sometimes, a person is not going to be able to judge every single situation perfectly and most mistakes there are not a big deal, is also difficult for him and people like him who have experienced trauma and have a lot of self-doubt as a result.

All this need for a sense of control over himself is also what makes the show's several references to Crowley enjoying Aziraphale periodically restraining him in bed such a big deal. The level of trust it takes for that to be even attempted, let alone enjoyable, for someone who has been raped is enormous. Sex, as a whole, can get understandably complicated for rape survivors. There's this bit o'meta about all that mindful sushi, if looking at that aspect of this story is of interest to you.

Right, so, all of this control-seeking, hypervigilant, self-doubting behavior also causes very high levels of anxiety in survivors. As would make sense, right, because if you're worried that you're missing something, you're attempting to be hyperaware of everything, all the time, in an effort to not be blindsided and harmed, and that gets stressful.

To give you an example of how used to Crowley having periods of high anxiety like this Aziraphale is, look no further than The Meeting Ball, when Aziraphale initially failed to see one example of Crowley's high anxiety actually being more warranted than just alarmist, simply because he's so used to Crowley's default state, especially of late, being something is wrong.

Aziraphale overlooks the possibility of Crowley being right about this danger because Aziraphale is going through his own stuff on this night but also because he's so used to Crowley being constantly jumpy and worried about everything that it's gotten to a point that his default response is to just try to help Crowley calm down because, nine times out of ten, there's no real, actual danger.

Aziraphale thinks Crowley's just nervous about the party so he's just like ok tell me what's upsetting you and I'll listen and we can talk but let's dance while we talk. He flirts with him and tries to get him to eat a vol-au-vent during The Meeting Ball because talking with him, hearing his worries, and then offering him reassurance and affection and trying to help him calm down by making sure he's not spiraling worse from low blood sugar and the like is Aziraphale's (genuinely helpful and effective) go-to strategy.

In Aziraphale's defense? Crowley's like this all the time and most of the time, he's grossly over-estimating the danger because he's anxious, so it's more often than not the case that Crowley is just overly-cautious rather than that something is genuinely wrong. Aziraphale tries to just provide Crowley the reassurance that Crowley seeks from him that they are safe (while making sure that they genuinely are safe) and to help him with perspective.

These same people who are survivors, though? They can be very, very different in behavior when they are in a situation where they aren't being triggered as much by their PTSD.

They can be patient, kind, thoughtful, and great at big picture thinking and managing life when they are in a situation that is not triggering. They can be wonderful friends and partners and, maybe because of being exceptionally in tune to noticing trauma in others, they can also be really exceptional at helping loved ones manage their own dark stuff, as we've seen Crowley show time and again with Aziraphale.

The key thing here is that they're at their best when they're not in a situation where they're being triggered by the things they're trying to manage themselves. When those things are overwhelming them, it's going to be pretty much all they can deal with or think about until the situation becomes manageable for them.

This is basically the state of things for Crowley for much of S2 and in his interactions with Gabriel, which we're on the scenic route to here, I promise. 😉

When triggered by something that they experience as a threat to their safety, many survivors can experience a panicked kind of tunnel vision. Their only response becomes about getting as far away from the threat as possible, as fast as is possible.

Logic tends to fall by the wayside in these situations. Crowley's default response of running away to Alpha Centauri whenever he thinks Hell is after them is the most trauma response that has ever trauma responsed. It makes absolutely no logical sense. Heaven and Hell can absolutely find them in the star system they all share. The reason why Crowley chooses this as his default is because, in reality, there is nowhere for him to run to escape Heaven and Hell and his default response is to just get as far away as possible.

It's to literally put as much distance between himself and potential harm as possible, as quickly as possible, even if he cannot ultimately outrun it. This fear response is the body flooding itself with cortisol and other stress hormones screaming we are under attack! at the first sign of danger as its strategy for keeping another attack from happening. It's an almost animal instinct to run for safety.

To Crowley, safety is Aziraphale and a threat from Heaven or Hell looming means he goes into a state of tunnel vision where all he can think about is keeping Aziraphale and himself safe in whatever way he can manage. In S1, that meant getting Aziraphale into the car and apparently Chitty Chitty Bang Banging it to Alpha Centauri-- just getting as far from pain as possible with the person who makes him feel safe and whom he cannot bear the thought of losing.

Did it make any sense? Good heavens, no. Neither did asking Aziraphale for holy water in a panic in the public park where the listening ducks had ears back in 1862, which is a very similar kind of PTSD-induced panic but one that can see a survivor run in a different way, which I looked at over here in this post about insurance, should you be interested.

The problem is that a person that is panicking cannot think clearly and so isn't super-great at making a strategic plan to overcome whatever the threat actually is-- presuming there even is a legitimate threat.

While Crowley is under threat from Hell in the Alpha Centauri scene in S1, he's panicked and all he can really think to do is to get safe which, for Crowley, means getting Aziraphale and getting as far away from the danger as possible, even if that isn't a great plan for actually eliminating the overall threat of the danger itself.

This is basically the same thing as his initial response to Gabriel in S2.

Crowley has legitimate reason to be afraid of Gabriel after S1 and his panic over seeing him again in the bookshop is understandable and no joke. Good Omens, though, is good at finding the humor in the darkness, and Crowley's outsized response to Jim as the scenes continue gets amusing, even as the reasons for it are dark.

When Aziraphale first saw Gabriel at the door, he was obviously and understandably surprised and anxious. He was able, though, to evaluate the situation rationally and make decisions based on the facts in front of him because his own traumatic experiences are a bit different from Crowley's. Aziraphale does not have rape-related PTSD. This is why Aziraphale is able to look at Gabriel from the get-go, see that he doesn't pose a threat to them, and begin to consider that he and Crowley and Gabriel might all need one another.

Crowley takes longer to get to this place because he takes one look at Gabriel, whom he believes that he last saw trying to kill Aziraphale and who is now in the middle of their bookshop safe space, and his PTSD goes into overdrive.

What makes this funny is also what emphasizes the horror show that is living with PTSD that Crowley exemplifies, which is that Gabriel in 2.01 could not possibly be less threatening.

He's wearing a tartan toga and not much else when Crowley first sees him. (Aziraphale was really hoping that would help mitigate the alarm for Crowley lol.) Gabriel's dusting the books. He's super-friendly. We're all calling him Jim now, for whatever reason. He is, quite clearly, having a complete and utter mental health breakdown, and is in desperate need of help. It doesn't take much to see that, all things in the past aside, their naked man friend is not really especially scary-- a fact that becomes more evident with each passing moment.

Crowley's response to this, though, is if Aziraphale had invited Hannibal Lecter over for dinner. His initial response is what, of course?

To get as far from Gabriel as he can!

The immediate response to this from Crowley is just basically running for the private room in the back of the bookshop, shutting himself inside it with Aziraphale, and looking at the closed door with an eye so watchful that you'd think he expects Gabriel to Kool-Aid Man through it at any moment.

Crowley is literally incapable of thinking logically at this point. His mind and his body are screaming at him that this situation is unsafe because Crowley's trauma over the body swap in Heaven is such that he's never been able to think rationally about it or about how he and Aziraphale have managed to elude deception all this time. He's never considered the idea that Gabriel is as trapped as they are and was flanked by other angels Up there and so had to lay it on thick or risk death himself.

To Crowley for most of S2, Gabriel is a villain and that's the end of it, and he's certainly not capable of thinking this through right after he sees him in the bookshop again, as he's triggered to the moon and back. Nuanced thinking-- the stuff that big-picture thinkers like Crowley are usually very good at doing-- goes out the window when they're triggered.

The only person that Crowley feels truly safe with is Aziraphale. Aziraphale has earned a level of trust with Crowley where, even in Crowley's most panicked state, it's never just his own safety he's concerned with but his and Aziraphale's. He can't run without Aziraphale because he can't live without Aziraphale. Aziraphale is the only one who gets to see him at his worst with managing his PTSD because he's the only one Crowley truly trusts.

Gabriel is in the bookshop, though, so it's not like they can run from him because this is their house 😂 so Crowley's PTSD pivots it to become that if they can't get away from Gabriel here, then they need to get Gabriel away from them.

To Crowley, Gabriel is immediately a threat and one that needs to be gotten as far away from him, Aziraphale, and their bookshop safe space as quickly as possible.

This is how Crowley's initial plan for how to deal with Gabriel is the absolutely hilariously ineffectual "we could drive him out to the middle of nowhere and leave him for dead!"

Right, and what's the plan for when the angels show up at the bookshop looking for him, Crowley? Do we also have a strategy for how we're going to feel about leaving a guy who can't remember his own name in the cold on the side of the road when we're a soft-hearted, Jemimah's-pot-saving, Richard-Curtis-film-devotee marshmallow? No? Of course not. 😂

There's no logic here. This is an ineffectual as running to Alpha Centauri. He's pacing and wide-eyed and not even really trying with the PTSD response at this point, completely impervious to Aziraphale's more rational honey, I don't think the amnesiac guy in the towel is going to kill us opinion of the situation.

What Crowley needs is for Gabriel to be nowhere near him and the precious, peaceful, fragile existence he's carved out for himself here, right?

And, ouch, Crowley, when it's clear that Aziraphale is right-- this existence (really: a life) is one that they've carved out for themselves, together. Crowley is choosing, though, to respond as if Aziraphale isn't listening to to his need for safety when, in reality, Aziraphale wouldn't have allowed Gabriel to stay if he hadn't deemed him safe to both he and Crowley. Crowley is scared so he's saying I can't be around him, I can't deal with this. It's my life, not ours, if you're letting him stay here, which leads to their argument.

PTSD is hard to manage, especially when new triggers come up unexpectedly out of nowhere during a time that is already been difficult, and we've been given some indications elsewhere in the season that Crowley's been struggling of late, like the fact that he's having an existential crisis on the park bench at the start of 2.01, among other things. Crowley can usually can do better than this with managing his PTSD and he fails at it while Aziraphale winds up more successful with his own trauma-adjacent issues during their argument, resulting it being Crowley who is apologizing later on. Aziraphale understands, though, and lets it go with the apology because he knows how difficult this is to deal with, especially when they are not fully free of Heaven and Hell.

The reason why Crowley cannot look at the Jim situation in the first moments he's informed of it with anything resembling logic has nothing to do with Aziraphale or Gabriel, though.

It's entirely because Crowley struggles to be able to trust himself to be able to judge what this situation actually is.

Being always worried that there's something going unseen that could lead to harm for themselves or the people they love leads PTSD sufferers to feel a lot of stress and anxiety. This is especially true because, to an extent, missing something will eventually be a self-fulfilling prophecy at some point, just because no one sees everything clearly all the time.

Everyone misjudges situations at times or doesn't see what a person was trying to say or do. Not all of these are five alarm fire situations but no one gets it right all the time and, when that happens to someone who has PTSD, it can worsen self-doubt issues.

The problem for people with PTSD is that, sometimes, worsening self-doubt issues can snowball. If they miss something and that worsens the self-doubt, they might then wind up in a panicked tunnel vision state of mind. This heightened level of panic might cause them to keep making mistakes and misinterpreting situations or intent with other people, causing more errors in judgement. It hammers away at their ability to feel like they can trust themselves to accurately judge situations and keep themselves safe, worsening their state of mind. This happens with Crowley in S2 and it's actually still on-going heading into The Finale because he's missing something massive in The Final 15, which is you can read more about in The Kiss, if you're interested.

Crowley already had been suffering for awhile ahead of S2 with the loss of control and feeling of having misjudged a situation in S1 that led to what he thought at the time was the loss of both the bookshop and Aziraphale. This was bad enough but, then, something else happened in 2.01 that caused the self-doubt to get really bad for the rest of the season and that affected his interactions with Gabriel.

That thing was his conversation with Beez about The Book of Life.

When Beez brings up The Book of Life, Crowley has an immediate answer. He has a memory of him and Beez having made up The Book of Life to tease more impressionable angels. He has a memory that Beez does not and Beez's expression says that they think that Crowley might be correct. (We see their expression but they are angled away from Crowley, who does not.)

Beez is embarrassed to think that they've been afraid of a thing that is something of their own making and not real. A thing that is of someone's own making and only as real a threat as they allow it to be?

That's also true of anxiety.

The Book of Life being something that Crowley and Beez once made up as angels that reflected their anxiety over living in Heaven becoming something that they convince themselves is a real threat is a plot that works basically the same way as anxiety does and emphasizes that anxiety as part of both of their stories.

Beez's embarrassment over having believed this results in them doubling down over it being true. Crowley could have decided that he was sure about his own memories but, instead, he chose to default to Beez, assuming that they would know more from running Hell and that it must be him who was incorrect.

There's that self-doubt again.

He trusted Beez over his own mind because he doubts his ability to accurately parse his own memories at times-- which is to say that he doubts himself.

The irony is that it's this lack of self-trust that causes him to doubt his own mind that leads him to believe in The Book of Life and not mention it to Aziraphale all season, in a misguided effort to protect him and not give more to worry about, that means that Crowley is so worried about The Book of Life that he can't see what is actually happening in The Final 15.

So, after talking with Beez, Crowley is now even more anxious, because he thinks that they're all going to die if they get caught helping Gabriel. He absolutely knows that helping Gabriel is the right thing to do but living with the up-and-down of PTSD is this level of exhausting:

Here's where we can add in the extra-stressful layer to helping Gabriel here, which is that Crowley has been, more or less, living in the bookshop. He and Aziraphale both get "plenty of use" out of it and various hints-- the book he gives Muriel being likely his own; the fact that Gabriel appears to be wearing Crowley's tie and shoes later on, etc., a bunch of other, little things-- emphasize that the bookshop is, unofficially, also Crowley's house.

Aziraphale's got Gabriel staying in a bedroom in the residence upstairs and it's shown a bunch of times to be next door to the room at the top of the stairs, the door to which stays shut all season but is, more than likely, Crowley and Aziraphale's bedroom. Gabriel's presence in the shop to Crowley means that he and Aziraphale are risking Gabriel getting the impression that they are a couple. (Like seeing them for three seconds together wouldn't give someone this impression lol.) It might not matter that much to Jim who doesn't know what the fuck is going on lol but Crowley's more concerned about what happens if the person he thinks is Gabriel suddenly pops out of Jim. What happens if Jim's amnesia disappears and the nice dude becomes this evil person that Crowley has convinced himself that Gabriel must be?

Crowley was never really that safe in his flat but he doesn't have that to go to anymore because, ya know, kipping with Shax around isn't the most zen way to unwind. He hasn't told Aziraphale for reasons looked at in that The Kiss meta linked above but part of why Aziraphale hasn't realized it is because Crowley is just in the shop most nights until the early morning hours. He leaves before dawn in an effort to keep them from being caught. The bookshop is basically Crowley's house, too, so having Gabriel stay there means them figuring out what to do about the fact that they've been trying to hide their relationship for thousands of years.

Crowley is having difficulty processing the idea that, amnesia aside, Jim is Gabriel, and that Gabriel came to him and Aziraphale for help. Aziraphale is more capable of seeing that he and Crowley are the ones in control of the situation, which he helps Crowley to see a bit more once Crowley has calmed down from the initial shock of it and come back to the shop, worried about The Book of Life threat and feeling guilty about their argument and, especially, about saying that he's leaving Aziraphale on his own, when he knows that's as triggering for Aziraphale as all of this Gabriel stuff has been for Crowley himself.

As Crowley sees a little more of Jim and how really vulnerable he is ("Hello! Where did you come from?... Can I go to the outside?" lol)... and as Aziraphale gives Crowley a task-- something he can do to help and to feel in control of what's happening... Crowley gets a little bit more comfortable with what's happening, if still nowhere near relaxed about it.

Crowley is shown to be very unsure about Aziraphale acting in a way that is normal for them when in the shop with him around Gabriel-- mainly, with Aziraphale getting so near to him and moving to touch him in a way that, if Crowley hadn't backed up, would have been ridiculously couple-y. Crowley isn't sure what the whole deal with Jim really is at this point and he's not sure that he wants Gabriel to see anything that suggests that he's Aziraphale's partner, even if that's exactly what he is.

The irony here is that Gabriel's first scene in the first episode-- the one in the sushi restaurant that is cut into off of Crowley being assaulted-- shows that Gabriel had absolutely no reason for being there in the restaurant that night other than to try to help Crowley by telling Aziraphale what was happening and then trying to tell Aziraphale that he'd cover for him and Crowley. He told Aziraphale that he was under special assignment to watch Crowley (which, as Aziraphale pointed out in the scene, is just Aziraphale's usual job lol) and to "keep him under close observation." (Interesting, doctoral choice of phrasing from Gabriel there.) He was giving Aziraphale an excuse-- if you get caught, we can say that I gave you this assignment and I'll do what I can to protect you both is essentially the message.

Gabriel's entire reason for being in the sushi restaurant was because his informant (Beez) was upset over not being able to keep Crowley out of Armageddon and Gabriel's response to that was to try to help Crowley and Aziraphale by trying to tell Aziraphale listen, I'll take care of Heaven. You just take care of Crowley. His very first scene in the show is him trying to do what he could to help Crowley but Crowley and Aziraphale don't really see this and remain afraid of him when, in reality, 1.01 suggests that Gabriel and Beez have been trying to protect them all along and are the strongest allies they both have.

In S2, Aziraphale is in a more logical place. Gabriel has amnesia, showed up naked, needs help. Even if he recovers, he owes them one, and he also protected Aziraphale from Sandalphon in S1. They can trust him and they are the ones in control of the situation. Crowley manages to listen to Aziraphale's idea, though, as he's calmed down a little bit by seeing again just how unthreatening Jim is and by Aziraphale taking charge of what they can do and giving Crowley something specific that he can do to help protect all of them.

Aziraphale all smiles at seeing Crowley grinning and hippity-hopping for the first time since the whole mess started...

Aziraphale knows Crowley well and he knows that, sometimes, Crowley needs to prove to himself that he can handle things and tries to find ways that he can help by having Crowley do something to help prove to himself that he can trust himself the way that Aziraphale trusts him.

Aziraphale's confidence in Crowley helps Crowley trust himself more, as we saw on full display in S2 in one of the biggest moments in the series:

Chief among Aziraphale's many reasons for being the one of the two of them to go to Edinburgh is that he wanted to help Crowley by giving him control over the bookshop and the Jim situation.

By trusting Crowley to mind the shop and care for Gabriel while he was gone, Aziraphale was reiterating that he trusted Crowley to judge accurately any situations, including those with the angels, that might come up. He was trusting him to manage his PTSD, in spite of the struggles with it that Crowley had been having that week, because he trusts Crowley, which is a reminder that Crowley needs a lot and that can be very helpful in boosting his confidence in his ability to trust himself.

Aziraphale also knew that Crowley was tired and didn't want him to feel kicked out of his home. Aziraphale didn't know that Crowley was living out of his car but he didn't know that because Crowley was just in the bookshop so often that it meant that Aziraphale hadn't noticed that Crowley didn't have his flat. Crowley had low key moved in as much as that was possible for the two of them. He was used to sleeping in their bed and being in the bookshop which, even as it had been a bit stressful because of the fire, was still the place that made him feel the safest.

Aziraphale wanted him to get some rest and relax for a bit in the shop and was hoping that, since he was charging Crowley with Gabriel's care, it might cause them to talk a bit more, which Aziraphale wisely knew would be good for both of them.

All of that was a good plan but, as we see, though, Crowley's response to Gabriel starts to go up and down during the rest of the week. Why?

One of the reasons is a series of things, most of them not terribly consequential, but which add up to Crowley having one of those weeks we all have from time to time when new information is causing us to feel like we don't know much of anything or can't do anything right.

Crowley is the one who knows popular music but he doesn't know this "Everyday" song so he's not much help with that mystery. He bungles his Vavoom attempts for Maggie & Nina by collapsing the awning with too much rain. He had absolutely no idea that his old pal, master spy/brandy smuggler/brains behind the 1810 Clerkenwell Diamond Robbery/all around legend, Jane Austen, wrote books, let alone classic, romantic ones.

These are also nods to how Crowley's missing memories means he's fuzzy on the origins of things. "Everyday" is one of the foundational songs of rock 'n roll and Jane Austen is the same for modern romantic stories but Crowley knows better what came after-- Queen, Richard Curtis films, etc.. It emphasizes that he feels more sure of his memories since his fall but, because he lived through these eras, not knowing things from them are then also examples to him of times when he wasn't fully aware of his surroundings and missed things.

What unsettles him is that Aziraphale knew that Jane wrote books so it's overall a case of Crowley having missed something important. It's something that, in this case, everyone seems to have known but him, which is the most unsettling kind of thing for someone dealing with PTSD. It's not the end of the world but it didn't help his already bad week.

Another thing the different perspective on Jane Austen did is emphasize how Crowley having to deal with trauma causes him to move through the world differently than other people. The way that other people commonly experience things aren't always his experience, even if he can intellectually understand theirs. This is just a fact of life for people who have been through things like what Crowley has but, when a reminder of it is mixed into a time when the self-doubt is especially high, it can worsen a sense of being 'other' from other people, and worsen PTSD.

In the middle of all of this are also Crowley's interactions with Shax. Shax is a devout diabolical minister and the closer she gets to figuring out that he and Aziraphale are a couple, the more Crowley's stress is compounded as his usual fear of Satan turning up increases.

Shax is also a constant reminder of Satan-- one that has an unnerving habit of just popping up places and being far too close for comfort. She doesn't hide her attraction to him and he doesn't want anything to do with her. He's balancing that disinterest with trying to keep her from figuring out about Aziraphale. He's technically not a demon anymore but Hell is still following him around via Shax and Hell is, fundamentally, Satan. She's the inability to escape reminders of trauma that can come up in different periods and worsen PTSD.

Then, there's the bigger problem: Crowley kinda likes Jimbriel.

He is relating to Gabriel. He has been the whole time. An amnesiac former angel leaning on Aziraphale for safety and comfort while struggling with trauma and memories... yeah, Crowley knows nothing about how that goes. 😂 Gabriel's struggle with his memory was very familiar for Crowley and he empathized enough to, in his own way, try to help-- revealing another example of just how hard Crowley is on himself in the process.

What's causing complications for Crowley is that he both likes and sympathizes with Jim. Crowley knows that the most logical answer here is that it's really that Jim and Gabriel are the same person. Crowley is being confronted with the idea that maybe this scary monster he's built up in his mind really isn't a scary monster and he can barely make sense of that.

Crowley has not previously put a lot of thought into the idea that Gabriel has been as trapped as he and Aziraphale have been and that he might have had to act a role to survive, in a way that Crowley himself often does and did in the past. He's tended to see Gabriel as a threat and nothing else... but the Jimbriel currently driving him insane rearranging the bookshop is anything but a threat.

Then, while Aziraphale is in Edinburgh, it's just Crowley and Gabriel for a time, and Crowley's perception that Gabriel is not a threat just keeps increasing. Gabriel just looks more like walking depression, struggling as Crowley himself has done with his sense of self, and trying his best to be helpful to those around him.

He's kind to Crowley, eager to help with whatever Crowley is up to, and not at all threatening. There's no sense from Crowley that this is all some master plan where Gabriel dons a Christmas jumper and earns their trust, only to slit their throats in their sleep. He's just a lost guy who needs their help.

Jimbriel, it turns out, is fucking nice. He's kind to Crowley and appreciative of his help. Crowley has no idea what to do with this. This messes with Crowley's perception of what he thought reality was so it's confusing for him.

Because Aziraphale has tasked him with managing this situation and given him reassurance that he can, Crowley has dived into not letting Aziraphale down with it. He's gotten a bookseller outfit on, he's keeping the place somewhat organized so that Aziraphale won't lose it too much over Jim's reorg project 😂 (really, probably, just pulling his own books out of Jim's piles because a traumatized demon can only give up so much control at once here lol) and he's being generally pleasant to Jimbriel, whom he'd rather, at this stage, die than admit he kind of likes.

He's cautious about things but he's also relaxing a little more around Jim, which is scary for him because what if he's misjudged this?! But, Aziraphale wants him to try and all objective evidence points to Aziraphale's assessment being correct and Jim not being at threat, so Crowley tries, as he supposes that there are worse things than having an archangel owe you a favor, even if Crowley is still not at all for this situation as a whole because the wolves keep circling.

Not only is Crowley worried about the angels and demons who are trying to find Gabriel getting them erased from The Book of Life that he's convinced himself is real, Crowley now has the new problem of ugh kinda caring about what happens to Jim. Goddamned feelings. 😂 To be sure, he'd still chuck Jim off a bridge if it meant keeping himself and Aziraphale from harm, but Crowley's warming up to him a bit.

Early on, he's more amusing himself than anything, when explaining the plan to make Maggie and Nina Vavoom to Gabriel. In that moment, Gabriel can't remember anything so the concept of The Vavoom is new information to him but it's funny to Crowley that it would be because it's something of a repeat of how he and Aziraphale once fooled Gabriel to save Job and Sitis' kids off of what, essentially, was Gabriel's lack of information about human sex.

There's an argument to be made that Gabriel let himself play the fool in that scene but, even if you think he genuinely did not know then that all human babies are not made and birthed through ribs, he certainly has acquired that information since, among other scenes, that dry, "it's a miracle he hasn't spotted you yet" to Aziraphale in the sushi restaurant scene was overflowing with sexual innuendo.

Crowley chats on, using words from his and Aziraphale's language around Gabriel in the vavoom explanation scene to ease his stress and have something amusing to tell Aziraphale when he comes back. He's still snarky in the other scenes ("well-observed") but he also shows genuine empathy and provides calm, patient answers to Gabriel, especially in the gravity scene.

He sympathizes with Gabriel and helps him try to process what he's going through. He's seeing Gabriel as a person for the first time in doing this and the image Crowley has of him is changing, which, as we've said, is overall positive, but also compounds anxiety in the short-term because he cannot find a path to reconciling it with the past in his mind.

The self-doubt doesn't disappear but he's gathering some more information about the situation to inform his decisions the longer he's around Gabriel... and the longer he is, the more worried about all of it-- the threat of the situation to him and Aziraphale, but also now the danger to Gabriel himself-- Crowley becomes.

Still, he had every opportunity to betray Gabriel during the time that Aziraphale was away and he didn't. He could have chucked him at Shax more than once, if he was of mind to do so, but he didn't because Crowley has a good heart and he knew that Gabriel needed them and that helping him was the right thing to do.

The more Crowley saw about what was happening to Gabriel-- especially the eerie "there will come a tempest" moment when Gabriel isn't even really Gabriel and can't remember what just happened and then is in a state of distress afterwards-- the more he wanted to help him and the more Crowley believed that whatever was happening to Gabriel was genuine... but that didn't stop the larger threat to Aziraphale that concerned Crowley more.

At the same time as he's making sure that Jim is safe in the shop, he's also then turning around and growling at him that Aziraphale is risking his existence to help save him-- something which Gabriel, without his memories, doesn't really have any concept of, which just frustrates Crowley because it's unsatisfying to vent fear at someone who really doesn't have the ability in that moment to understand your fear. It looked and sounded like anger but it was really fear.

By the time Aziraphale returns from Edinburgh, it's first thing on Thursday morning, and Gabriel's been in the bookshop since Monday morning. At this point, after the last few days and what Crowley's seen, it would be pretty absurd to still think that Gabriel himself poses a threat to them, and Crowley knows that's true. He knows that, if Gabriel were there to harm them, he would have done so already. He knows that if Gabriel wanted to kill them, there would have been no better time to start that then when Aziraphale was gone but, lo and behold, Crowley is still alive and breathing.

Gabriel was very scary while Aziraphale was gone, doing things like looking sad and lost, sleeping, rearranging books, and, occasionally, singing to himself. Very frightening lol.

That said? Crowley's self-doubt is such that, while all of the evidence that Gabriel is not a threat is overwhelming at this point, he cannot shake the fear that he's misjudged this, and he's terrified about not getting it right because the stakes are so high.

Crowley wants to trust in Aziraphale's assessment, as he always does when he's not sure of his own, but what if they're wrong? What if he fails to see some flaw in Aziraphale's assessment that he normally would have noticed if he weren't so anxious and that proves to be their fatal undoing? What if Aziraphale's got this backwards? Then, if Crowley doesn't get it right, he'll be failing to protect him. He'll have been a bad partner to him and, atop that, they could wind up dead.

Aziraphale didn't just meet Crowley yesterday, though, and he knows how Crowley's mind works. When they start to talk about this at Marguerite's, Crowley fails to tell Aziraphale the big threat that's on his mind-- The Book of Life. I remain pretty convinced that if Crowley had chosen to bring this up, instead of trying to manage all of this on his own, that Aziraphale could have reassured Crowley that Crowley's initial memories were correct and it wasn't a thing. If that had happened, The Final 15 never would have happened the way it did because Crowley wouldn't have been so distracted from The Book of Life that he failed to see what the threat really was.

But, in that moment, while he didn't tell Aziraphale about his concerns over The Book of Life, he did talk with him about how he was feeling about the Gabriel situation.

In the scene, Crowley admits to being awake the prior night worrying about the Gabriel situation. (And also likely because he missed Aziraphale.) He's self-deprecating as he expresses concern about what might happen if Gabriel "wakes up" and about the possibility of Gabriel "faking it"-- which they both know isn't really a thing at this point. Crowley turns the concerns into a flirtation with Aziraphale, needing a moment of play, and jokes that Gabriel could smite him, before flirting over the past tense of the verb to smite... the most Crowley and Aziraphale flirtation possible. 😊

Crowley knows how absurd the ideas he's saying sound aloud but he's saying them aloud anyway-- giving voice to some of his most anxious thoughts, which is a good thing-- because he needs reassurance from Aziraphale. It speaks to how much he trusts him and how healthy they are in being pretty open about talking about how they feel.

Crowley needs Aziraphale to tell him that it's okay and that they're safe and to just flirt with him a little and get him out of his head and Aziraphale does that. It's the same thing as this:

Crowley trusts Aziraphale and he sometimes just needs Aziraphale to tell him when he's going around the bend with something. Part of that is running his most anxious thoughts about the flagpole to Aziraphale and seeing if Aziraphale thinks that they sound like legitimate problems or more like the product of Crowley's anxiety talking. Crowley usually already knows the answer to this-- and he definitely did in the smitten scene-- but it's comforting to have Aziraphale tell him in that fond way of his that it's all alright and that he doesn't need to worry so much.

Aziraphale is very gentle in his response when he gives Crowley that reassurance. He teases him a little-- saying that the appropriate past tense for what Crowley would be should Gabriel smite him would be 'smitten', which is the one that corresponds to being infatuated, teasing Crowley a bit because you know he'll never miss an opportunity not to after Crowley said Gabriel was beautiful on their date in 1827 😂 -- but the sweet part is actually the wordplay in the soft "you're being silly."

The tone alone is sensitive enough but the choice of the word silly is an interesting one, especially since they're wordplay-flirting in that moment. It contains sill, a word that means threshold, usually of a door or a window. There's a level of humor to this because it's saying that Crowley is being silly about Gabriel-- about who they've let in past the threshold of the bookshop door-- and that all holds true. There's also, though, that the context of what Crowley's saying in this scene-- about the reassurance for his anxiety that he's looking for-- especially when coupled with remembering Aziraphale's "you can call me an old silly but I think The Devil is coming" from back in S1 suggest that silly is an already-existing PTSD-related word to them.

Aziraphale saying that Crowley is being silly is meaning that Aziraphale's is trying to gently say that he thinks that the anxious thoughts are related to Crowley's trauma, and the threat is more of a perceived one than a real one. They're things related to Crowley's own threshold that has been forcibly crossed in the past, leaving him wracked with self-doubt and anxiety.

Aziraphale's gentle "you're being silly" is a way of reassuring Crowley that, yes, the threatening things he's suggesting that might happen with Gabriel are really out there and very unlikely to occur and that this is the PTSD talking.

Aziraphale then asks has Crowley considered just talking to Gabriel? You know, like how he is talking to Aziraphale in that moment? Just openly telling him what's bothering him and going from there? That might be a healthy option? 😲😂

This is a great idea but the for the fact that Crowley is a little drunk and then decides to basically drink the rest of the bottle of wine before having the conversation in question but we're at least sort of headed in the right direction!

Crowley decides to confront Jim-- who remembers precious little about prior events so, you know, really satisfying confrontation for Crowley here lol-- about that whole "shut your stupid mouth and die" business back in S1.

This is the big problem for Crowley-- the one thing he's having trouble getting around. Jim, the last few days? A pleasure. A fellow snarky, fucked up, gent that Crowley wouldn't have an issue becoming eternal friends with. His impression of His Royal Smugness from back in S1, though? A little lacking.

Note the emphasis in the "And I do remember..." as he confronts Gabriel in the moment above. It shows how the conversation with Beez is still bothering Crowley and how that is worsening the self-doubt.

What Crowley is sure he does remember correctly, though, is the "shut your stupid mouth and die" scene from S1 and we know he's correct in doing so because we were there with him. We can contextualize it better than Crowley can because we've seen more of Gabriel during the story and, also, we aren't so directly traumatized by this that we can't consider other reasons for his behavior, like that he was also trapped and being watched by other angels.

This is where, even though the biggest sticking point for Crowley here is this moment of Gabriel's behavior from S1, Crowley's response to Gabriel is still really not fundamentally about Gabriel himself so much. How so?

It's because Gabriel doesn't mean to be, of course, but he is, unintentionally, the biggest, possible trigger there is for a lot of Crowley's PTSD. Why him, more than anyone else?

Well, not for nothing, but the last time Crowley trusted an attractive Supreme Archangel? It didn't exactly go well... Gabriel has been the Supreme Archangel since the only other, prior one fell and that other one was Crowley's abuser.

Gabriel has moved into the bookshop showing similar symptoms that Crowley himself did after his fall, unintentionally bringing all that up for Crowley, and, atop that, Gabriel had held the same position of power that Lucifer did. By pointing out across several scenes in S2 that Crowley is attracted to Gabriel (even if that's going nowhere as Crowley's a one angel kinda fella), it's also emphasizing the semi-conscious parallels in Crowley's mind between the powerful ex he once trusted who then harmed him and the handsome Supreme Archangel Crowley isn't sure he can trust but that, bizarrely, seems actually trustworthy.

The last time Crowley listened to his friends and supported an attractive person who seemed like they were going to treat him well and that everyone said could be trusted, Crowley wound up damned for eternity as a result. He wound up a rape survivor.

When Crowley and his wine go to talk to Gabriel, what they're really saying under the surface of all of that anger is that he is terrified that the Gabriel he saw in 1.06 is not a construct, like what Aziraphale thinks, but the real person-- that Gabriel is cruel and that the Jim thing is the charade, not the whole Archangel Fucking Gabriel thing.

What Crowley is really saying is that he doesn't know how to get it but he needs proof that Jimbriel won't hurt them.

Aziraphale wasn't the one there in 1.06; Crowley was. Crowley can, and has, heard Aziraphale's opinion on it, but he thinks he knows what he saw, and it's what he thinks he saw that is keeping him from fully agreeing that Aziraphale is correct and Jim can be trusted.

Crowley is too traumatized to really pull back, think about it a bit more, and understand what he saw, though. He's having trouble recognizing Gabriel with his trauma blinders on but it's really, really hard to take them off when, even though Gabriel had no intention of doing so, this situation is triggering everything for Crowley.

What Crowley hasn't given a lot of thought to is that Gabriel had two other angels standing there, including Sandalphon, whom we already saw earlier in S1 that he didn't trust at all. That he was in trouble with The Metatron over the failure to start Armageddon and that he didn't yet know that The Metatron wouldn't send him to Hell.

Gabriel was a dick, yes, but he was fucking terrified of falling and, even worse, at failing the angels he had been trying to protect, who would be left with no one really fighting for him without them.

Crowley's never really considered what Gabriel meant by don't talk to me about the greater good, sunshine.

Gabriel was also angry at being put in the position of it being Aziraphale-- the only angel he somewhat regularly saw whom he really felt was good and trustworthy and the closest thing to a friend, besides Beez, that he had-- versus the thousands of angels that he felt it was his duty as the Supreme Archangel to try to protect and keep safe.

How many times has Crowley put on a show around the demons to seem like he's one of them to try to stay alive? More times than he can count, right? But what Crowley hasn't been doing with Gabriel is consider that he was in the same kind of boat up in Heaven-- that "shut your stupid mouth and die already" is Gabriel acting like the angel that Sandalphon and The Metatron would think was on their side but that angel is not the person that Gabriel really is-- Jim is.

Crowley's basically projecting a version of his own fall over what's happening with Aziraphale and Gabriel here and has been for most of the season. He's worried that if he gives in and trusts Gabriel that Gabriel will turn out to be like Lucifer and Aziraphale will be hurt. It's basically trauma that is keeping Crowley from seeing that these two situations really are not the same at all.

Part of Crowley brings up the body swap plot to Gabriel in the hopes that he'll see Gabriel "crack", which will expose the whole Jim thing as a fraud, and then Crowley will have a reason to just say that Gabriel is like Lucifer and get Aziraphale away from him. It's the simple solution that Crowley knows isn't coming because he already knows, deep down, that Gabriel isn't Lucifer, but he feels he basically has to try and test him.

When he does, Gabriel is just continually nice. He expresses gratitude at how kind Aziraphale has been to him. He is-- to Crowley, wonderfully and infuriatingly at once-- patient and understanding about the fact that Crowley is drunk and expressing a lot of anger and hostility towards him. When Crowley says that he's endangering Aziraphale, Gabriel is upset and asks how he can help them.

He's fucking great lol and Crowley, drunk and angry, in one of the darkest moments of the show, tells him to jump out the window. [This is why you don't have intense conversations about trauma with wine involved.]

It's more of a flippant comment because Crowley doesn't actually think that Gabriel will attempt to do it but then he finds himself watching in horror as Gabriel proves that he is so lost and despairing that he would kill himself in an effort to be what the only friends he has needs.

Gabriel, it turns out, would jump out a window to his death without a second thought to keep Aziraphale from harm.

Crowley is shocked out of both his wine haze and his PTSD-related stuff and quickly keeps Gabriel from killing himself.

For the first time, Crowley really sees Gabriel there because this person who just-- really unnecessarily-- tried to sacrifice himself for his friends is, Crowley suddenly realizes, the complete fucking opposite of Satan.

Gabriel is someone who is actually way, way too self-sacrificing but he got there because of how deeply he cares about others and how isolated and lonely he feels. This is someone who has been taught that he exists as a symbol and feels like he's failed to live up to the impossible standards of it. He's struggling and he's depressed. He's not actually a symbol of Heaven; he's a victim and a survivor of it, the way Crowley and Aziraphale themselves are.

He really is Jim, just as Crowley has been seeing him the last few days. Gabriel is Jim. There is no secret evil about to come to the surface here and Crowley knows that for sure now-- he's just horrified that it went that far for him to see that realization.

Crowley's "Well, if you're not really him, what are you?" is such an interesting line. In addition to the idea that if he's not really like what Crowley thought Gabriel was like, there's also an element in there of:

If you're not really like him [Lucifer], then who are you?

It also mirrors Uriel's "What is he?" from the same scene in 1.06 that Crowley had been bringing up to Gabriel here. It's not just *who* someone is but *what* they are. In that way, it's comparing Uriel having her mind blown by what she thought was an angel who was immune to hellfire with Crowley having his mind blown by an angel who he thought was a villain turning out to be just a snarky lovebug.

For Crowley, the rest of this scene is the bigger realization-- the thing that Aziraphale has seen all along, and why he correctly thought that Gabriel and Crowley could become good friends if Crowley could get beyond his trauma to give that a try. The thing Crowley has been trying to avoid seeing, even as Gabriel's struggles over the last week so reminded Crowley of some of his own.

It's that Gabriel isn't just like Lucifer. He's just like Crowley.

As they talk about memory, the more honest and nice to him Gabriel is, the more Crowley feels guilty and terrible for how awful he was when he first came into the room. He came in angry that Gabriel had said terrible things to Aziraphale and then turned around and did basically the same thing to Gabriel. He almost leaves without trying to rectify it but, well...

...he and Aziraphale are quasi-immortal beings with no other friends who aren't human. Jimbriel is still willing to talk to Crowley, even after Crowley went, in his mind, full on embarrassing PTSD anxiety mess on him. He deserves a 'sorry for drunkenly telling you to kill yourself and would you like to be friends forever?' hot chocolate.

Worse to Crowley, even though Jimbriel doesn't remember enough to really understand during this scene why Crowley is Like This, he doesn't let that stop him from being kind and empathetic about it. He responds to Crowley's hot chocolate gesture by reassuring him that he is nice but it's here that Crowley truly adopted Jim forever:

Jimbriel doesn't remember the specifics in this moment but he can recognize in Crowley someone whose sharp edges are an act to cover for how badly they've been hurt. Crowley brings the mug in, holding it from the bottom so that Gabriel can take it from the sides-- and Gabriel does, but from lower than could have. As he takes the hot chocolate and thanks him, Gabriel brushes Crowley's wrist, very gently.

Just as Crowley's hot chocolate gesture is some softness to try to mitigate how harsh he was before and start anew, Jimbriel shows that he has intuited the problem without remembering all the details by touching Crowley lightly, taking intentional care in trying to show Crowley that he doesn't have to doubt that he's safe with him.

They're both saying the same thing:

I won't hurt you.

All that understandable anxiety? All that self-doubt in Crowley, where Gabriel was concerned?

It turns out it was all very silly.

[theonevoice]

Rumination n. 6 - It was all Jim's fault

Well, not all his fault. He walked right into a 6000yo situation of unspoken "do I... would you... could we...", but I think, since he fills the role of comic relief, we are not fully taking into account his impact on the whole ineffable miscommunication mess.

Because he is not just a plot device, he is a character that pushes Aziraphale and Crowley to act in unplanned ways and - most of all - brings some of their worldview biases and traumas out of their dark corners. And I am increasingly convinced that his presence plays a major role in the final breakup, acting as a catalyst for their millennia-long misalignment of hopes and fears.

Sure, he is there to make us smile and Jon Hamm is a joy to watch (I cannot get to his line in ep 1, when Aziraphale tells him that he can see that he's naked, and he goes "Oh! Well, what do you know? Ahahah!" without burst out laughing, even after countless rewatches), but that humor is mainly for us viewers to detect. From Aziraphale's and Crowley's point of view, he doesn't appear as funny as he does to us. For them, he is a source of worry and danger, and I would argue that he is also an incarnation of different desires. And that's the point.

Let's consider for a moment Aziraphale's perspective. He sees his former boss, "most holy archangel" Gabriel, pop up one day at the bookshop, reduced to the mental capacity of a smart dog, vaguely aware that someone was planning to do "something terrible" to him. It is a terrifying spectacle to behold. It's not just the mere danger of having one of the most powerful entities in the universe, possibly still in posess of all his powers, acting like a child. It's the terror of witnessing what Heaven can do to your identity and your mind: imagine Aziraphale - book-lover, diary-writer, Antichrist-locator Aziraphale with the capacity, as per the book, to solve math problems that only people with Nobel prizes could master - trying to process the idea that his former boss doesn't know the alphabet anymore. The idea that he could be reduced to that degree of utter ignorance and unawareness if Heaven decided that their truce is over.

At the same time, what Aziraphale sees is that, once stripped of all the layers of Heaven's legalism, Gabriel is legitimately a great guy. 

We all love Muriel to death, of course, but the more I watch s2 the more I believe that Jim is the most similar "angel" to Aziraphale out of all the ones we see. He is jovial (think at whatever that cheeck squishing thing is that he does during the ball), he is enthusiastic (think at his reaction at his first sip of hot chocolate, and also his genuine "hurray! Let the bookselling commence!"). He is affectionate and open about it ("You're funny, I love you"). He is caring (sure he was struggling to read the room during the demon attack, but still in that moment of danger he has the altruism of thinking to ask if anyone wants hot chocolate, and hot chocolate is the symbol of comfort for him, it's the first thing Aziraphale offers to him to make him feel at ease in the bookshop and the thing that Crowley brings him to soothe his angst after the memory conversation). He is helpful or at least he wants to be (rearranging the books in an order that, if you think about it, follows the criterion of medieval manuscripts illuminators, who usually embellished only the first letter of the first sentence on a page, which makes sense as a frame of reference for an angel whose only experience of books probably goes back to some old Bibles). He is generous and brave (giving himself up without a second thought when he realises that Shax is threatening Aziraphale and all the others because of him). 

As Jim, memory-wiped Gabriel is both Aziraphale's worst fear and his deepest hope: that after all Heaven is the side of good, that all the cruelty and the callousness and the total blindness to the value of life on Earth is just a mishap, that if you scrape off the absurd obsession with World Ending Great Plans you will find underneath a form of good that is pure and gentle. I think Jim, way more than the Metatron and his shitty offer-threat, is the main thing that brings Aziraphale back on the mission of fixing Heaven, "making a difference," not for the greater cosmic good, but to create a safe place for him and Crowley. So they can be safe together.

But something similar happens from Crowley's point of view. He also sees Gabriel as the concrete manifestation of both his worst fear and his deepest desire. The former Supreme Archangel renews the momentarily forgotten awareness of what Heaven and Hell can do to you if you cross them: destroy you either by throwing you into hellfire or holy water, or now by hanging the threat of the Book of Life above your head. Force you to live in a constant state of danger, pressing you against the possibility of your non-existence, making you feel like you have a loaded gun constantly placed against your skull and no magic trick to avoid the bullet.

At the same time, just as Aziraphale, what Crowley sees is that, if you are determined and lucky or maybe just inconsiderate, you can get away from Heaven and live your happy thoughtless life on Earth. Think of how bitter he is when he confronts Jim in ep5, calling him Gabriel and "Oh, yeah yeah, no no no. You're Jim now. Got everything just the way you want it?" I think here Crowley is projecting his desire to be "on the lam having a wonderful time and never be seen again." Sure, everyone is after him and they had to perform a joined miracle to hide him, but let's not forget that Crowley was not doing it to save Gabriel, he was doing it to keep Aziraphale safe. From his point of view, Gabriel did it: he run off, cut ties with Heaven, settled in his little neat new identity, cared and protected, not a thought in his head. And yes, Crowley is painfully aware of how awful it is to have your memory erased - I don't think he would consider it an acceptable price to pay for freedom. But still, Gabriel did what he would like to do. And it does not help that memory-wiped Gabriel presents specifically to Crowley some aspects of his personality in which he can recognize himself. He is curious and asks questions (think of the gravity conversation), and even more important he is ready to dispute the answers that are given to him ("but they don't stay where I put them"). He hears the plan about Nina and Maggie that Aziraphale didn't listen to, and afterwards asks Crowley how it went. He is insightful in his own instinctive way (when he tells Crowley "you're really nice" he's not just saying "you are nice a lot" but also "in reality you are nice", he's seeing through Crowley's rough mannerism even if just seconds before he was angrily shouting at him). He has lost his memory, which by now I think most of us agree it's what also happened to Crowley, at least partially ("I know, looking at where the furniture isn't"). And then, the final nail on the mirror-coffin: Gabriel run away from Heaven for his love. They run off together.

Having Jim right there, in front of his very eyes, I think it's the thing that pushes Crowley back to his old plan of running off together with Aziraphale: he is the living prove that it can be done, further confirmed by his final departure with Beelzebub. Of course, for a brief moment both sides of the metaphisical universe where hunting him down, which is not desirable. But Gabriel was the Supreme Archangel after all, it's only fair that they're looking for him. They are but a former bullied angel and a former already-replaced demon, maybe Heaven and Hell would not mobilised their hosts for them. They could be finally safe together.

So, when you put everything together, I think that what happened at the end of ep6 has more to do with Gabriel and how his presence affected them during the season, than it has to do with the Metatron, or even with the Nina-Maggie foil. It is Jim that pushed a wedge into the thin crack that had always been there, separating what each of them sees as the best way to be safe together.

[mimisempai]

For your happiness

Summary

Crowley overhears a conversation between Maggie and Aziraphale and realizes that for Crowley's sake, the angel is depriving himself of something he longs for.

Will Crowley be able to face his fear for his angel's happiness?

Notes

Snuggling in front of a fireplace…

INEFFABLE ADVENT CALENDER

On Ao3

Rating G -  923 words

"I really would have thought that an old bookshop like yours would have a fireplace or a real wood-burning stove somewhere."

"Well... um... you know, a bookstore that sells old books is not really an appropriate place for that, it's a bit... dangerous."

Crowley started down the stairs, but stopped when he overheard this conversation between Maggie and Aziraphale.

He knew that the main reason there was no fireplace in the bookstore was because of himself and his trauma after the bookshop fire a few years ago. 

Maggie continued, "But you know there are systems in place now to prevent fires.

The angel replied, "Yes, but I don't want to take any unnecessary chances."

Maggie hummed and added, "It's a shame, though. This time of year, cuddling up in front of a crackling fire with hot chocolate is so romantic. And this place is perfect for that."

Aziraphale replied quietly, "Probably, but that's the way it is. Shall we go?"

Crowley heard their footsteps, then the sound of the door opening and closing.

He walked down to the bookshop and looked thoughtfully at the space in front of the sofa. He'd heard the longing in the angel's voice, and he had to admit there was something appealing about the image Maggie had described.

A fireplace.

Fire.

He ran and shouted, "Aziraphale, Aziraphale where the Heaven are you, you idiot? I can't find you!"

He looked around.

There was only fire.

Flames everywhere.

He kept shouting, "Aziraphale, for God's-- For Satan's-- Ah! For somebody's sake, where are you?!" 

Stunned, he realized the terrible truth.

There was nothing but fire, and Aziraphale was gone.

The demon shook his head and snapped out of his thoughts.

He pictured a fireplace right there. Across from the sofa.

He and Aziraphale bundled up in a warm blanket.

Was that enough to make him face this fear and overcome it?

No.

But making Aziraphale happy was.

So he didn't hesitate and raised his hand.

"Let there be light."

Moments later, as Aziraphale entered the bookshop, the first thing he noticed was the delicious smell of hot chocolate.

Then, as he set down his belongings and took off his coat, he noticed that the heat and light were different. More welcoming.

As he walked further into the store, he stopped in shock because instead of the clock and the bookshelves that lined the wall next to his desk, there was a fireplace.

Furthermore, there was a fire burning in the fireplace.

He turned to the sofa and saw Crowley sitting on the sofa, smiling at him.

The angel rushed to him and asked worriedly, "Crowley, my dear, are you all right?"

Crowley replied, "I'm fine, Angel, why do you ask?"

Aziraphale gestured to the fireplace and replied, "But the fire, I know what it means to you and...why are you laughing?"

Crowley shook his head and said, "It's so you, Angel!"

"What?!"

The demon grabbed Aziraphale's hand to make him sit next to him and continued, "I mean, there's a fireplace in the middle of your bookshop now, but all you care about is fire and the effect it might have on me."

Aziraphale's expression softened as he replied, "Of course that's my first concern, because I'm always thinking of you first."

Crowley said gently, "But you shouldn't do it to the point of depriving yourself of something you crave, Angel."

Angel looked at him confused and asked, "What do you mean?"

"I heard the longing in your voice when Maggie talked about the romantic appeal of a fireplace."

Aziraphale shook his head and replied, "But it's only romantic if it's something we both want. I never find it romantic when I know you're not feeling well."

Crowley looked at him fondly and replied, "Well, as it happens, the image Maggie described awakened feelings in me that helped me overcome my fear. So instead of discussing it, enjoy this fire with me and show me that it was worth facing my fear."

Crowley moved back and leaned against the sofa, opening his arms and inviting the angel to come up against him. It didn't take long for Aziraphale to be convinced, and he didn't hesitate to snuggle up.

Crowley pulled a blanket over them and pressed a kiss to the angel's hair, watching his happy face illuminated by the flickering light of the fire's flames.

He gently stroked Aziraphale's shoulder, and after a few moments said softly, "You know what really helped me get through this?"

The angel shook his head against the demon's chest as he continued, "You, angel. Knowing that I'd make you happy because of it."

"But..."

"I know you want to answer that you don't need this to be happy. I know you don't. But it's something I wanted to do, and thanks to you, I succeeded."

Aziraphale nodded gently, then pressed a kiss to Crowley's chest and said softly, "Thank you," before nuzzling the demon a little closer.

Then, after a few moments of silence, the angel said with an amused expression, "By the way, nice fireplace."

Crowley chuckled softly, "Thanks for noticing."

As the angel laughed softly, Crowley's eyes wandered over the flames.

For a split second, he remembered another kind of flame, but Aziraphale's moving against him immediately brought him back to the present.

He tightened his arms slightly around the angel, who must have sensed something because he asked softly, "Are you all right?"

Crowley smiled and replied, "Yes, perfectly all right, Angel."

And the demon realized that it was true.

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

Ineffable Growing Love series : (After season 2) 

Part 1 Story 1-99

Part 2 Story 100-?

Ineffable Husbands masterlist : here (Before season 2)

[sonkitty]

The Sideburns Scheme Post #75

(For reference: The Sideburns Scheme)

Crowley, Good Omens 2, Episode 5, The Ball, planning

...

Sideburns Check

We have now reached a point in the story where Crowley's sideburns are going to stay longer for most of the rest of season 2.

They won't usually be the longest-length category that's been shown around Gabriel, but they will be longer than when Crowley was with his newspaper door at the park.

So, the main question will be more for if they are longest-length or not than if they are short or long, and there will be some scenes where it is very hard to tell.

...

Brighter Red Streak Check

The more saturated red streak of hair can be found.

...

Hairstyle Changes

For hairstyle changes, I'm comparing to the Demon Mode scene instead of the hot chocolate one since the former provided more angles.

Crowley's top hair is curling in where with the hair is above the area between the center of his right eye and nose. The sideburns are shorter.

...

Earthly Objects

(For reference: Earthly Objects)

These are guesses, as usual.

Aziraphale has a miracle touch on the bookshelves for point #1.

Crowley has a touch on the railing for the stairs as point #2.

Crowley asks the question, "What are you doing?" as point #3.

That's the first set.

Aziraphale has a self-touch with his hand, indicated to be allowed through his index finger on his ring as point #1.

Crowley asks the question, "What are you planning?" as point #2.

Crowley has a point with the questions, "Wait and see? Any idea how irritating that is?" as point #3.

That's the second set.

Aziraphale says the names "Maggie" and "Nina" for points #1 and #2.

Crowley touches his jacket for the implied pocket use of getting his sunglasses out from that pocket for point #3.

That's the third set.

Crowley touches the door, including the doorknob and astragal, but he is blurred. Likewise, he puts on his sunglasses. That puts in a pass for him. He has not earned a point just yet.

Aziraphale brings down the chandelier for point #1.

Crowley does a simple window look I'll talk about a little more soon for point #2.

Aziraphale rubs his hand together for point #3, presumably allowed from his miracle touch on the chandelier.

That's the fourth set. I'm unsure of this one, but it was the best way for me to fit that simple window look into a set. I've never been able to figure it out otherwise.

...

The simple window look Crowley has is the first of 3 that he will do over the course of this episode and the next one. That meets an Earthly Object Rule of Three. I don't know if these 3 looks are related to the 3 partial rainbows that appear during The Window Trick, but I'll acknowledge that the idea has occurred to me.

Light is shown as reflected in Crowley's sunglasses when he pauses to look.

Time to pay attention to the pockets...

Additionally, if you use your imagination, this particular window look allows the chandelier to be an Overhead Light for Crowley. It's difficult to tell at first because it's above and to Crowley's right when he's looking with his back to the camera. Because of the angles and setup, the chandelier ends up partly above and to Crowley's reflection's right. However, it is when Crowley is shown from the front and behind the window pane that the chandelier can then be found above and to the left of Crowley because of its reflection in the window pane.

Crowley's Belt Head is blocked by the books in front of the window, so it's worth checking the earlier part of the scene to see if the Belt Head got an Overhead Light. There is a lamp behind Crowley through the bookshop layout that was to Crowley's right when he asked, "What are you doing?" It switches to his left when he asks, "What are you planning?" It also ends up briefly pocketed between him and Aziraphale when Aziraphale suggests Crowley make sure Maggie and Nina are on their way.

...

The Tied Hands retie. Crowley's right thumb joint is likely at a jacket edge in the first video frame of him in the scene. His watch is visible most clearly when he touches the stair railing. Likewise, that's the best time to see that the index finger distances itself from the other fingers as Crowley descends down the railing. The clasp strike on a lapel edge is around when Aziraphale's saying "Maggie and Nina."

...

Crowley uses a pocket to retrieve his sunglasses. He makes pockets with his torso and arms as he exits through the door.

...

Story Commentary

For the special connection, I have referred to Aziraphale "proposing," but have been hesitant to say that it's their supernatural way of getting "married" because it seems...well, beyond marriage. Still, if that is the idea the story is going with, then I suspect this ball is their version of a wedding reception, on a layered level. On the surface level, Crowley's acting like he doesn't know this ball is going to happen.

Further on the layered level within the sideburns game, this scene helps ensure Crowley's sideburns have shortened at least some before he exits the bookshop due to his relationship with Aziraphale. It's also going to help get Crowley out of the way from the humans arriving. He was first to enter for his interrogation of Gabriel. He will be last to enter before Gabriel himself has an exit and entrance of the bookshop during the demon invasion.

...

Aziraphale actively switches his and Crowley's sides during the scene. With the invitations done, they both will keep making these switches throughout the rest of the story.

...

That's it for this post. Sometimes I edit my posts, FYI.

...

Main post:

The Sideburns Scheme

[ladykatibeth]

Thinking about how the conflict that started and drove the plot line this entire season was just a smaller version of the break up conflict at the end. Gabriel (Heaven) has hurt Aziraphale, but Aziraphale thinks that helping Gabriel (Heaven) is the right thing to do.

Because with no intervention something bad will happen to Gabriel (Heaven will keep harming people). Crowley thinks that Aziraphale shouldn’t get involved with Gabriel (Heaven) because Gabriel (Heaven) hurt them, and Gabriel (Heaven) isn’t their friend. (They’re on their own side.)

Crowley storms off because he’s upset, and feels like Aziraphale is prioritizing something/someone else over the life they’ve built together. And not even for a good cause. Aziraphale stays firm, eventually Crowley comes back and says he’s right. That’s the most recent argument.

Of course Aziraphale thinks Crowley might change his mind and this isn’t permanent, we just saw a small scale argument where that happened, and it all ended up doing good! Aziraphale was right to help him! Crowley, in his heart, agrees it’s the right thing to do! Az knows this!

Aziraphale unknowingly helped give people (a demon and archangel) the opportunity to stay with each other in love. He’s definitely happy about that. Plus it helped press Crowley to confess to him! :D

But to Crowley who was also just in this argument at the start of the season, picking Heaven is now a a pattern. And while Aziraphale did end up being right to help Gabriel, what he’s missing is the crucial difference.

Gabriel may be a huge dick, though he does seem to have become a tiny bit better due to his love with Beelz, he’s capable of change, and he may have been head of Heaven, but he’s a person (archangel) not an institution.

Helping a person who hurt you is not the same beast as trying to treat an institution that hurt you from inside.

And I assume Crowley would agree, because he doesn’t seem to regret helping Gabe and Beelz stay together, even though they both hurt Az and him, because Crowley doesn’t like to hurt people he likes to make people happy.

Even when someone whose hurt him and his partner previously is back and threatening their peace and safety, he can’t make him jump out a window, he feels bad and makes him hot chocolate.

And even after Gabriel’s memory is restored, he’s back to being the whole Archangel Fucking Gabriel, and the relationship plot is revealed, he’s happy for them!

Because Crowley is extremely kind.

And Gabriel and Beelzebub are people (archangel and demon).

But Heaven is not a person.

[quillyfied]

Things I’m noticing on this rewatch, which I’m hoping to take slow and ponder on but we will see how it goes, PART THREE (obviously major Good Omens season 2 spoilers throughout, specifically for S2E3)

- First, going back to the previous episode: thank you to the person who reminded me that the Dirty Donkey pub is the pub that Crowley plans his holy water heist in!! (Which means Crowley LITERALLY planned his heist on Aziraphale’s stoop, unless Aziraphale moved the pub to be closer to himself in case it happened again. Hmmmm.)

- Also. I have been reminded that “Give me coffee or give me death” is a modified quote of “give me liberty or give me death” by an American revolutionary. Which. Explains all the Statues of Liberty around the place. I am Slow.

- Anyway, to e3: the fact that Jim has a labeled mug and hot chocolate canister. I feel like he tried to ingest something he wasn’t supposed to, so Aziraphale made sure he had his name on his things XD

- The sex worker is a treasure, for one; I hope I am reminded of her name soon.

- MURIEL. SWEET ANGEL BABY. Sorry they’re not a baby but they are so adorably innocent and inexperienced. I love that Aziraphale treats them so kindly despite his obvious terror. Though. It is a kindness that reminds me of my coworkers. I work in childcare. I know a “childcare” disposition when I see it.

- Okay, the framing there: the box, and the hat. The mystery, and the detective cap. Excellent.

- The gentle tutelage, Muriel’s scrunchy face when they realize what tea is for—I’m just SCREECHING.

- AND CROWLEY GETTING IN ON IT. THE WAY HIS WHOLE DEMEANOR IMMEDIATELY GOES FROM BITCHING TO DELIGHTED. AAAAAAAAAAH.

- AND HE’S SITTING. ON THE ARM. OF AZIRAPHALE’S CHAIR.

- The coparenting. Muriel’s utter naivety. I’m just.

- “I’m not sure how you lot have managed to stay in charge.” “I’m not sure we actually have.” SAY IT LOUDER.

- OKAY BUT HOW DOES HELL MEASURE MIRACLES THO

- ONE FABULOUS KISS CROWLEY. IS THAT ALL IT TAKES.

- “To tell if humans are in love you need to wait a few days” not bad advice really but also unrelated how many days are in like 6000 years? Asking for a friend.

- AZIRAPHALE TALKING TO THE BENTLEY AND IMMEDIATELY BEING A BIGGER MENACE ON THE ROAD THAN CROWLEY. VINDICATION.

- Thing the first about the opening theme: Crowley crawls up the cliff and Aziraphale lands on it. Just a nice touch.

- The movie theater in the opening has a different feature title and picture on the big screen every episode. I missed it for the first one but last time it was “A Companion to Owls” (which is a verse from Job that I only know because the full quote is “I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls” and it was a lamentation but of course teenage Quilly thought that was the coolest thing she had ever read). This time: The Resurrectionists, coupled with a shot of the Gabriel statue.

- I think Crowley’s hair is s1 color in this minisode but I can’t be sure. Lighting is…not. :P

- THE BONUS CONTENT SAYS NEIL GAIMAN THOUGHT IT WOULD BE FUN TO LET DAVID TENNANT DO AS MANY SCOTTISH ACCENTS AS HE CAN THIS CHAPTER. I AM DELIGHTED

- The second Elspeth says “English” Crowley starts losing it, which in turn makes ME lose it.

- I love the bringing back in the discussion from the book about privilege making its way here, and given a more visceral illustration and testing. Though I love Crowley literally helping Elspeth pull the wagon, a thing I’m not sure he’s ever willingly done in his life, and poking holes in Aziraphale’s arguments all the way.

- Wee Morag’s morals have about the same utility in this situation as Aziraphale’s, tbh. I’m not sure I have the mental capacity tonight to deconstruct that the way it deserves.

- Aha! Knew I recognized the tune in the car! Danse Macabre!

- He is AFFECTIONATE towards the BENTLEY. Which Crowley can FEEL.

- YELLOW CAR. DAMN YOU JOHN FINNEMORE.

- but it is pretty, Crowley!

- Spoilsport.

- I fully did not internalize the tartan hills and Nessie the first time around. I saw them. I immediately chalked them up to personal fever dream.

- The demon’s name is Josh. Why is that delightful??

- He wears a kilt! And has a wonderful little monologue about dung pits and tongue ripping!

- Beelzebub being off is subtle. Almost too subtle.

- The many stacks of books Crowley carries around and then chucks this episode. Love it.

- Crowley not having a cow about a fly seems weird tbh

- Vavoom. Where tf did he learn the word vavoom

- “David Tennant has occasionally played a doctor” OH HAS HE NOW

- the almost musical pulls Michael Sheen does for miracles this season. Lovely.

- Also: the dual nature of Mr. Dalrymple. Needs bodies to do good and study so he can save lives. Treats the people bringing him the bodies like dirt.

- Okay: is Crowley freezing time, or just putting Dalrymple in a mental time out? Very curious to know. The trivia bit on the side references the s1 trick of having Jean-Claude’s actor stand very still to achieve the time stop there, so perhaps freezing time?

- Alright moment of silence for how very very good Crowley’s outfit is this scene. Yum.

- The instant penny drop when Aziraphale realizes the reason for the body snatching, how he immediately uses prevention of future harm to classify it as Good.

- Also. His emotional reaction to the kid’s tumor. ;A;

- Edinburgh is so colorful!!

- HIS SMUG LITTLE GRIN WHEN HE POPS OUT HIS HAT AND NOTEBOOK. Also, wtf is in his hat. What is that.

- Okay but the double sided sign, and how Aziraphale first sees the Jesus side. IMPORTANT. PAINFUL.

- PRESS 66. That’s what’s in the hat.

- And Aziraphale being every bit as awkward as Muriel in his interrogation. Just slightly less weird. Angels.

- Listen I’ll probably say it again at episode 6 but the sheer magnitude of the importance that Gabriel and Beelzebub fell in love over the course of a year—with EACH OTHER. Not with earth or humans or creation. Just each other. Hggk.

- Alright, but Aziraphale DOES see the other half of the sign here. Does he get it? DOES HE GET IT?? No. Of course not.

- “I’ll help but it still doesn’t make it right.” That is such an uncomfortable truth to sit with. The whole adventure is, really. The whole show. SHADES OF GREY.

- Okay, I’m pausing this episode way too much, it’s been over an hour since I started this episode, but—the way Aziraphale overcorrects is. Sad? Elspeth and Wee Morag aren’t here to decrease human suffering. Outside of their own, of course, which can also be achieved by digging up a body that’s fresh. Scope of intent and how Aziraphale simplifies and moralizes it. Huh.

- Lot more this season about Aziraphale’s miracle allowances, too. Very interesting concept.

- MIGHT HAVE SLIGHTLY OVERDONE IT ON THE HOLE. MIGHT YOU INDEED.

- interesting how his dithering is what causes his chance to heal Wee Morag to slip through his fingers. And yet raising her is out of the question. Can Aziraphale even do that? We know he and Crowley together generate a ton of power, but what about on his own?

- interesting that elspeth takes Wee Morag to Dalrymple and is already contemplating suicide despite her actions suggesting she intended to keep on living. Hmm.

- Dalrymple the Ass. Not just unwilling to get his own hands dirty but disparaging of those who will. Another moral dichotomy.

- And elspeth also not wanting to get dug up? Wee Morag’s death affecting her?

- CROWLEY OFF HIS HEAD WITH LAUDANUM IS THE FUNNIEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME

- How much is 90 guineas compared to 5 pounds? …google says a guinea is worth slightly more than a pound. So. For the eight pounds Elspeth and Wee Morag were aiming for, for the three pounds shafted that Wee Morag died for…Aziraphale literally had over ten times that amount in his pocket. MORALS.

- …the stupid special features had the math onscreen already. Sort of. Heck.

- Yeah okay this scene adds way more context to Crowley asking for holy water fifty or so years later. Yikes. YIKES. The implications of it all!!

- Asking the phone nicely. Love these little Aziraphaleisms.

- The awning of a new age XD

- The little tipping of his cap!! Adorable!

- Nina and Maggie actually TALKING. HEY CROWLEY ARE YOU PAYING ATTENTION???

- The rain is overdone and the awning rips. Gosh. Whatever could that be implying?

- Seriously how is Crowley able to pull these spells out of Jim?? And seemingly ONLY him???

- Alright, this prophecy bit. Seems to me to be about the future, also about the past, which is very biblical tbh. Specifically Isaiah. But I’m not up to snuff enough on my Bible to tell what all Gabriel is quoting. Besides the Buddy Holly.

- HELLO SHAX

- Okay, realizing that no angels pop up in Aziraphale’s shop in season 1, either. Gabriel and Sandalphon enter from the outside. I’ll need to rewatch to see if Aziraphale actively invites them in, or if it’s just blocking. I think it might just be blocking. But what an interesting detail, that only humans can enter at will and all else must be invited!

- The threatening of Aziraphale continues. The anxiety of Crowley intensifies. The obliviousness of Jim resets.

- Always too late. Poor Crowley.

Yeah this took an hour and a half to watch XD but I’m having fun. And killing quite a lot of time. Am I making sense or creating a thoughtful analysis? No, I don’t think so. But I’m solidifying the canon in my head, at least.

[dropdeadgorgeos]

Polar express x twisted wonderland

(Btw the polar express is a Christmas movie about kids getting on a train to hear to the north poll on Christmas Eve)

I'm trying to write all of these down. Who does what? Who caused this? Who is that drug dealer on the top of the train? Who knows? Anyway, I'm trying to write all that down. But it's supposed to be housewardens and vice housewardens(including Ruggie and Ortho) being little kids on the train. So it's like everyone as kids? Yeah. Ortho is the youngest. Technically malleus is the oldest. And then Leona. Because Lilia isn't there. You know where he is? He's the person on top of the train ofc! Yes! He is the person making the kids eat that nasty food??? Obviously he cooked it himself. But I made basic ideas for who is who. We have grown up yuu as the dude taking care of the kids. Sam works with hot chocolate. Crowley and Trein drive the train??? And Crewel as Santa. I get it "Shouldn't Crowley be Santa?" If you want a Santa that'll do nothing yeah. Plus Crewel has the big furry coat so- anywaysss

I thought about Riddle being that kids who struggled to believe. Not the one in blue! The one that was younger then most. He seemed to have a bad background and didn't have Santa visit him. So I'd take a guess that riddles mom never let him really celebrate Christmas with presents? "Your to old for this! You should be greatful your smart!" Yeah stfu no one cares. Anyway, we also thought of Leona being the kid in the blue sweater he doesn't believe and he's a bit mean? Seems like it could fit! And Vil gets to be the girl in pink! Because well, she sticks with the boy in the sweater the whole time AND he would be with Leona the whole time(not to mention the girl seemed to really enjoy singing) but other then that. Ruggie and Kalim are probably the kid that went to try and find there presents early then fight over who should get there's first. Jamil tries to keep Kalim out of trouble of course. Hm.... Idia stays with Ortho the whole time. Oh! Azul is that kid that was like "Do you know what train this is?" And then says the really long train name he's just more shy about it. I just realized that Rook and Leona would probably have to get on at the same stop(poor Leona) and who else are we missing? Hm? Malleus you say? Huh... Did we invite him? OBVIOUSLY He is the one being super quiet but he totally spoke to some of them I'm not really sure actually but yeah. Trey probably tries to get Riddle to join everyone but he's that kid that sat in the back the whole time. Ruggie is super happy about the free hot chocolate lol. Ahh, yes! How did a train get underwater you ask? Idfk! Magic? Magic! Everyone probably panicked or was super happy when they went underwater. It's one or the other! Oh! Kalim is always trying to see outside he's probably the one who lost a ticket by playing with it in the wind outside the window. Have you ever done that? Held something outside the window and then it flow out of your hands and then you were sad? Exactly how kalim felt because that was probably Jamil's ticket. But kalim will not lilet that happen! He starts looking around everywhere trying to leave the train to get the ticket! Probably almost fell off a few times but Jamil was there to catch him(same with MC). Vil is probably singing a lot of the songs and full of Christmas spirit I can totally see it! He's just super happy to be there! Awwwwww my heart is so happy to think of that- ANYWAY Rook prob stayed with Vil because he thought he was pretty. And Idia and Ortho always stayed together NO MATTER WHAT! Malleus was there. He didn't have his dad lmao. Ahhh, I'm gonna add more as soon as I can :)

[rhosmeinir]

Fictober 2023 #5

Prompt #5 - "You're the smartest person I know."

Fanfiction: Good Omens

Rating: G

Warnings: None

Pairing: Ineffable Husbands/Aziracrow

Other Notes: In which Aziraphale experiences writer's block. It's extremely silly, and a little bit meta. 744 words!

“Ugh… stupid! …stupid! Stupid! Stupid!” Aziraphale smacked his hand repeatedly into his forehead, narrowly avoiding stabbing himself in the eye with the perilously fine nib of the fountain pen clutched in it. Crowley leaned back from behind the bookshelf he had been reorganizing to look over at the desk where Aziraphale sat hunched.

“Whatsamatter?” he asked, brows quirking in something between concern and trepidation. 

“Oh, nothing really,” Aziraphale sighed as he turned about in his chair, though his tone said otherwise, as did the ink-stains that had spattered themselves on his waistcoat, “I just signed up for this writing… challenge thing, and I am completely, utterly, STUCK.”

“Oh, well,” Crowley tossed his pile of books aside and swiveled out from behind the bookshelf, surreptitiously miracling the ink stains away as he did so, “it can’t be that bad. Just write whatever! No one will care, anyway your first drafts are practically polished anyway.”

“Thank you Crowley, but when it comes to today’s prompt, I’m running out of time and am simply irrefutably stupid.” Aziraphale leaned back in his chair in a posture of despair, and flung his pen at the wall, where it stuck, vibrating.

“Now look here!” Crowley exclaimed, striding across the room in mock anger. Upon reaching Aziraphale’s chair, he straddled his lanky legs until he was low enough to seize his face, and with both hands gently tilt it until their eyes met. “Angel,” Crowley asserted, a wayward scarlet curl bouncing down to brush Aziraphale’s forehead, “you’re the smartest person I know. Now,” as abruptly as he had come, Crowley straightened up again, and retrieved the pen from the wall, thrusting it at Aziraphale, “pick up a pen, start writing.”

Doubtfully, Aziraphale took the implement. Crowley strode to his chair beneath the window beside the desk, and collapsed into it, legs dangling over the side. He looked at Aziraphale expectantly.

“…are you just going to watch me?”

“Oh no no no, no of course not.” Crowley seized a book at random from the closest shelf he could reach and opened it to the middle. “I’m just over here reading. Don’t mind me.”

Aziraphale snorted, but turned back to his abandoned page. Slowly, excruciatingly, the words began to come to him. Crowley flipped pages now and then. The clever programming inside the electric candles that lit the bookshop caused them to dim in imitation of melting real candles. The clock thought better of chiming the hour after Crowley glared at it with a few seconds to spare. Aziraphale began to make frustrated noises intermittently as he wrote, and the smooth passage of his pen over the paper began to be punctuated by scratches. Crowley jumped out of his chair, and pattered up the stairs. He had been gone for a few moments when Aziraphale gave in and screeched,

“Stupid!!” at himself once more.

“Stoppiiiiiiiiiiit!!” Came the remonstrance from upstairs, and Crowley re-emerged into the main floor, bearing a white angel-winged mug. He reached Aziraphale’s elbow and held it out. “The power of hot chocolate compels you,” he asserted, before returning to his chair. A dissatisfied slurp signaled Aziraphale’s acceptance of the offering, and the productive sounds of his pen resumed. As the angel worked, Crowley did attempt to read the book, but he found the medieval Italian slow going. Just because he spoke every language in the world didn’t mean he liked them all, especially the outdated ones. His eyes began to droop.

“YES!!”

Crowley jerked awake, and saw Aziraphale leap from his seat in triumph, shaking some pages over his head.

“I’ve done it!” Aziraphale crowed, “and with time to spare!” He pointed at the nearest clock, which read 11:56pm. 

“Well done, Angel!” Crowley grinned, absolutely pretending he had been awake the whole time. “I knew you could do it.” Then a thought crossed his mind, and he was compelled to speak it. “But… how would anyone know if you were late? I mean, are you sharing these things with anyone?”

“Oh, my— you’re right, of course, I have to post it for it to count! To the INTERNET!” Aziraphale whirled back to the desk, and stabbed at the power button of his ancient computer. It made some sounds like a very old and annoyed bear waking up from hibernation, and lit up with a progress bar that looked as though it might take a year to complete. Aziraphale wailed.

Crowley, meanwhile, slid from his chair and faceplanted to the floor.

[140smashedguitars]

I have a few things to say about Good Omens. I'm not sure if this is going to be coherent but I kinda just need to get these thoughts out of my brain before I explode.

I had actually forgotten what happened at the end of season 1 (I only watched it once and my memory is garbage) so I didn't really get the full effect of Crowley talking to Gabriel about what he said to Crowley as Aziraphale, until I saw these two posts and now I'm going batshit. I'm not quite sure where to start with this, hopefully it will make sense. Also I'm sure other people have talked about this but oh well

So! Gabriel, on instinct, turned up at Aziraphale's bookshop after losing his memory because he just thought he'd be safe there. And the thing is, he was. He shouldn't have been, but to Aziraphale, Gabriel is just his boss, and someone he's known for longer than we could imagine.

Then Crowley walks in and when he sees Gabriel is filled with blind rage. Why is he here? What more could he possibly do to hurt Aziraphale? But Gabriel’s a blank slate, he has no idea of what happened between him and Aziraphale. He doesn’t have to carry that with him. Would it even matter if he did? Gabriel doesn't care about Aziraphale's feelings. And yet, here he is in Aziraphale's special place - their special place, with his own room (which he didnt offer to Crowley who has been living out of his car for ages), his own mug with his name on it for his hot chocolate, wearing Aziraphale's clothes.

And Crowley can’t do anything, he of course still can’t tell Aziraphale what Gabriel said to him, so he just has to stand by and watch as Aziraphale risks everything to help this being he believes doesn’t deserve to be helped. Could you imagine if the situation was reversed? If an amnesiac and vulnerable Aziraphale showed up to Gabriel asking for help. I don’t doubt that he would’ve immediately given up Aziraphale when he realised how big the risk was in helping him. But Aziraphale helps him anyway because it’s the right thing to do.

Then he asks Crowley to help. And why the Hell should he? Gabriel’s done nothing to deserve it, but he does anyway, because he doesn’t want to upset Aziraphale. So Crowley answers Gabriel’s questions to the best of his ability, gets him his hot chocolate, helps with the miracle to hide him, keeps him company. Even though it must be killing him inside. His anger is directed at one specific person and now here’s there, he can’t say all the things he probably wants to say because it wouldn’t mean anything to Gabriel. Sure, Crowley tells him what happened and then later starts to threaten him, but it amounts to nothing. He’s only met with a confused, blank stare. He can't get the closure that he wants.

Then Crowley goes to Heaven to find out what really happened to Gabriel, and wouldn't you know it...

Gabriel

Defied

Heaven

You know... like Crowley and Aziraphale did at the end of season 1 and were attemptedly murdered for. And what was Gabriel's punishment for defying the will of Heaven to start a second apocalypse? Death? Being forced to live and die as a human? (I'm not sure if that's a thing in this universe, but it's a thought) No. He gets demoted. And because the angels are so incompetent, Crowley watches Gabriel just walk out. He just leaves Heaven.

And then, Gabriel gets his memory back, and Crowley is forced to watch as Gabriel

Fucking. Gabriel. Who looked Crowley's only friend dead in the eye and told him to shut his stupid mouth and die

and smiled

takes the hand of the being he loves, singing their love song and leaves. No repercussions for what Gabriel did or said, he and Beelzebub are free to go wherever they please and be happy.

So after all this, Crowley is spurred into going after his own happy ending. Because that's what he and Aziraphale deserve, right? He bares his soul in front of Aziraphale, pleading with him to leave and be together in whatever way that means. Just the two of them.

Because it has always, only ever been the two of them. Literally from the beginning. Everything they've done together has been to defy the will of Heaven and Hell to do the right thing. Watching Crowley struggle to get the words out to explain how he feels and stop himself from crying is fucking soul destroying. He needs Aziraphale to understand what's been going on between them this entire time. What's in front of them, what he's giving up. So he kisses him, in one last ditch effort, pouring everything he is feeling into it. As people have pointed out, the kiss wasn't out of love; it was out of desperation, fear, anger. It was a plea, it was a prayer. It was everything Crowley could never say. And Aziraphale's response?

I forgive you.

FOR WHAT AZIRAPHALE?! FOR WHAT?! And the way Aziraphale looks angry immediately after the kiss. I can't fucking do this guys. What the fuck.

But if that wasn't enough, Crowley still waits for Aziraphale by his car. Because maybe, just maybe, in those last few minutes Aziraphale realised he was wrong. But no. After everything, God having Earth created only to plan to destroy it a mere few thousand years later, all the humans being murdered, tortured, betrayed, for what purpose? Aziraphale chose Heaven over Crowley. The ones who cast out Crowley for asking "damn fool questions" but allowed that courtesy to Job. Who God fucked over for a bet. And there was nothing Crowley could do to stop him. He has to let his best friend, the only being he has ever cared about, loved, his home, be ripped away from him. Fuck.

I don't know if this makes any sense. I don't know if this is just a rambling string of nonsense. But can you see what I'm getting at here? It's like 2am at the time of writing this but I'm hoping my point has somehow come across. I think this had a point. I could be reading way too into all this and being stupid but to me the confession scene goes way deeper than I originally thought. Sorry this is a really long post, and sorry if it feels like I’m just saying what happened in the show but I wanted to recontexualise it from Crowley’s POV.

[aziraphales-library]

Hi there! I recently re-joined the fandom after s2 came out and have been craving a kid-fic that features Muriel in a sort of family dynamic, either because Azi/Crowley/both of them are Muriel's legal guardian/parent (Muriel would be a kid) or because they're raising them together. I've tried looking on Ao3 myself, but unfortunately couldn't find anything. Thank you so much in advance, I know it's specific, no worries if nothing's found. Love to the mods this account is awesome!!

Hello. Here are some found family fics with Muriel...

Their Own Tribe by alex23222 (G)

Muriel spots a kid with their parents and they start wondering about who a parent actually is. They go to Nina and come up with some interesting conclusions.

I am Creation both Haunted and Holy (made in Glory) by NonBinaryStarsInAPurpleGalaxy (NR)

An unscheduled molt leaves Beelzebub and Gabriel in the unique and disturbing position of vulnerability and at a loss of what to do. With Hell largely full of unwinged Demons and Heaven full of reliant Angels, they are faced with the realization that Bureaucracy left both sides unable to molt alone. Molts are handled in office, scheduled and overseen by another being - always. Muriel, away from Heaven find themselves also facing down a molt completely alone. This has never happened before, and the Metatron asked them to stay on Earth, or rather, out of Heaven. They don't know many beings to turn to, as they are the only Angel stationed on Earth. In embarrassment, Muriel attempt to hide the panic. Luckily, there's a being that's spent 6000 years away from both Heaven and Hell. Luckily, this being has always been too nice for their own good.

One Of Us (All It Means Is Hope) by RepQueen15 (G)

“You’ve never seen them before, have you? Stars.” “No,” Muriel whispered, eyes reflecting galaxies. They gripped Crowley’s hand tight. “They don’t tell us.” Around them, snow fell hard and fast. Towards the heavens, everything shon. It felt impossible, but nothing was ever impossible with Crowley, was it? “Hope. That’s what stars are.” ** Muriel is exactly what Aziraphale and Crowley need. Soft December fluff! Hot chocolate, ice skating and Muriel seeing the stars for the very first time.

5 Times Muriel Copied Crowley, and 1 Time Muriel Copied Aziraphale: by live_write_edit_sleep (T)

Muriel is learning a lot about Earth, especially from their role model, Crowley, who keeps trying to stop them from copying him. They don’t know why, though. They like Crowley.

Muriel's Stories by rayvennswritingdesk (G)

“A book is a dream that you hold in your hands." - Neil Gaiman Muriel was confused. They didn’t understand what “us time” was, or why Crowley wanted it with Aziraphale. They couldn’t understand, watching through the bookstore window, why they both looked so sad, when they had seemed so happy together before. Then Crowley had kissed Aziraphale, and Muriel had started to make sense of it all. A story of learning what ‘home’ is and learning what ‘human’ is, of making new friends, of small smiles from grumpy demons, apologies from wayward angels, of confusing notions such as truth, time and alrightness, of warm feelings, wet weather, hot drinks, music, plants, stars, of all kinds of love, and of course, most of all, this is a story of stories.

Lily Of The Valley by ChassyOwl (G)

Crowley has lost his own eternal source of happiness and is slowley losing himself. But before he´s about to make a big mistake, he gets an unexpected call for help. Maybe his heart can be mended after all with the help of an unexpected angel.

- Mod D

[reigningqueenofwords]

Throwing Punches

Word count: 2,067

Read on AO3

Part 4 of Father Dearest

By the time you were seven months pregnant, you had to begun to relax. Cas never told you that the boys were getting close, and you’d stop asking. He saw how it broke your heart when you heard Dean’s name, so that topic was rare. It was very obvious that you were pregnant by that point. You had found out that you were having a boy, so now having a name for the baby made it much easier. Per your request, Cas had joined you for that appointment.  He lit up when he saw Clark on the screen, talking about what a miracle he was. Work was going well, even if part of you itched to hunt again. You knew that just wasn’t possible. 

Dean and Crowley never stopped looking, even though every day the chances of them finding you seemed to dwindle. Cas had stayed away for a good week after their fight. When Dean caved and called him back, there was a huge wall between them. Cas explained his reasoning, that you were his friend. He couldn’t go against his word. Not only that, but that Dean should trust him that she was safe. Crowley was a fixture in the bunker most days, just waiting on a word from you. A phone call, a letter, anything. It never came.

Months after you vanished, the boys reluctantly took a case in North Carolina. Cas had been away on some heaven business, so he had no idea, and he hadn’t been to check on you in few days. You were walking home from work when you swore you heard that distinct sound of the Impala. You glanced around, but saw nothing.

Sam had seen you, though. They were passing through to speak with the local police department about the case in the next town. He didn’t say anything to Dean, not even sure it was you. It weighed on his mind all day, making him seem distracted. Dean noticed, but didn’t bring it up until they were back in their room that evening. “You’ve been spacing all day. What’s the matter?” Dean asked, biting into his burger.

“I don’t know. Just felt off. Probably just need some sleep.” He shrugged. That seemed to appease the older Winchester. The rest of the evening he spent researching, while Dean ended up passed out on one of the beds. Once he was sure that Dean was out cold, he quietly slipped out. Not wanting to risk Dean over hearing him, Sam walked to the back of the building where the woods started. “CAS!” Sam yelled just barely above his normal speaking tone. “Cas, damn it.” He grumbled.

Hearing the fluttering of wings, he turned to see Cas. “Yes, Sam?” He asked.

“I saw her.”

“Who?”

Sam glared at him. “Y/N.” Cas looked surprised. “I didn’t tell Dean, because I wasn’t even sure it was her. Is it?” Cas sighed, nodding. “Take me to see her.” He demanded.

“I can’t do that, Sam.” He replied.

“Do you want me to tell Dean that we are in driving distance of her? Or tell Crowley?” A moment later, Cas touched his forehead and they were standing in front of your trailer. “This is where she lives?” Sam asked, looking around. It wasn’t bad looking, he was just surprised at how cozy and simple it seemed.

Cas nodded. “I’ll go in first. I doubt she would like being…surprised.” He said, zapping into your living room. Hearing you humming in the kitchen, he smiled. “Y/N?” Cas called out, moving towards the kitchen.

You looked up, smiling at him. “Hey, Cas. I’m making a snack, ya want some?” You licked the chocolate off your fingers. Of course the only hot fudge you wanted for your sundae had to be melted fresh. It tasted better. “I know you can’t taste it, but still. It’s so good!”

He looked over you, a small smile on his face. “How is little Clark?” Cas asked, trying to ease into what he had to say.

Moving your hand over your bump, you chuckled. “Kicking up a storm lately.” You shrugged. “He’s been very active. Especially at night.” Sighing, you went back to stirring the chocolate. “But, I’m worried. I’m due not too long before snow is due, Cas.” Your eyes went to his. “I’m just worried about the roads, and the storms.” This hadn’t occurred to you five months ago, of course.

“I’m sure that things will be okay.” He told you. “Y/N?” He stepped a bit closer.

“Cas, what’s wrong?” You asked, noting the worried look on his face.

“Sam knows where you are.” He said simply. “They are working a case near by. He saw you in passing.”

Your face fell. “Does Dean know?” Your hand moved to your stomach automatically.

Cas shook his head. “No. But, that brings me to my next matter.” He was bracing himself for you crying, or even yelling. “Sam is outside right now. Threatened to tell Crowley or Dean if I didn’t bring him.”

A lump formed in your throat, and your eyes started to water. Wiping them off, you turned off the burner and swallowed. “Well, I guess I have no choice but to see him, right?” You tried to calm your nerves. “I’ll go let him in.” Cas stayed right behind you as you moved to the front door. As you stopped to open it, you felt Cas’s hand on your lower back. You gave him a small smile of thanks before you opened the door. “Hi, Moose.” You said quietly, grabbing his attention.

Sam didn’t say anything for a moment, his eyes just shot to your rounded belly. “Y/N?” He asked, almost in disbelief. You nodded, tearing up again. “Hey, hey, it’s okay.” In just a couple steps, he was holding you against his chest as you let go. Your hands gripped his shirt as one of his hands held the back of your head, his other on your lower back, comforting you. His eyes locked with Cas’s, whose blue eyes were filled with sadness. He hadn’t seen you like this in months.

“I’ll leave you two to talk. Sam, call me when you need to go back.” Cas stated. Walking over, he kissed the side of your head. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” And he was gone.

Pulling away slightly, you looked up at Sam. “I’m so sorry, Sam.” Your voice was slightly hoarse. He led you over to the couch and you both sat down.

He gave you that look that made you feel even worse. “Why did you leave?” His voice was gentle, and kind.

You gave a forced chuckle. “I’m pretty sure you figured that out, Sam.” You looked down to your stomach. “I’m not exactly able to hide it.”

“You left because you’re pregnant?” He raised his eyebrow. “Do you think it was a good idea to take off? Not only are you not able to defend yourself, but that kid has Winchester bloo–” You held up your hand. “What?”

“It’s not Dean’s.” You whispered. Your eyes locked with his, and he knew.

Sam’s eyes widened a bit. “Crowley’s?” He asked, voice as low as yours was. Nodding, you took a deep breath. “Wow. So, that’s why Cas has been hiding you?”

“Yeah. I feel terrible putting him in this spot. Has Dean been to hard on him?” If Cas was getting hell, you’d tell him to stop coming around.

“More or less. Cas comes around less. We lost an angel, gained a king.” Your face must have been pure confusion, because he laughed. “Yeah. Dean and Crowley? Working together. While they still seem to hate each other, they’ve teamed up to find you.” He explained.

How the hell were you supposed to handle that? “Have they gotten close?”

Sam shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s like their own little club. I’ve learned to block them out. I don’t think they have, though. Or I’m sure that Dean would be less of a dick.” You winced slightly, knowing that it was your fault. “Hey, I’m not mad at you. I get it. I just wish you would have contacted me at least.”

“I was afraid Dean would get it out of you.” You admitted. He pulled you closer to him, resting his head on yours. “I’ve missed you, Sam.” You said a few minutes later. You were surprised that he didn’t answer. Glancing up, you had to smile at the sleeping face of Sam Winchester. He looked far from dangerous at that moment. Gently slipping out from his arm, you laid him down. You’d call Cas, but you thought it would be good for him to have a night on something other than a motel bed.

The next morning, you came out of your room in your pajamas, you smelled…bacon? Still groggy, you peeked in the kitchen and laughed. There was Sam, clothes all wrinkled, bed head like there was no tomorrow- and he was cooking breakfast. “Morning.” He chuckled.

“Sleep okay?” You asked, sitting down, yawning.

“Yeah, you?”

You laughed again. “Sam. I’m seven months pregnant with a little boy who is very active at night. I slept as well as I could.”

Sam looked at you. “You’re having a boy?” He asked, sounding excited. “Do you have a name yet?”

“Clark Joseph. Cas actually helped.” You had to give credit when credit was due.

Flipping an egg, he kept his eyes on the pan. “Are you and Cas…?”

“No, Sam. There’s no one.”

The rest of breakfast, you chatted about how hunts were going, and made him tell you all the details. There was a tug on your heartstrings, as hunting was what your life had been. Sam noticed the time and groaned. “I should get back.” He explained. “If I get the chance to slip away, can Cas bring me to visit again?” Sam hated knowing that he’d be lying to Dean, but he could see why she was doing it.

“Of course.” You smiled, walking him to the front door. “Be safe, Sam.” You whispered. “I’ll tell Cas it’s okay to bring you by. Besides, someone’s gonna have to teach this kid to pee IN the toilet one day.” You joked.

Outside, Dean stood there, hands in his jean pockets. Right next to him was Crowley. Both men couldn’t believe what they were seeing. Sam, looking like he had one hell of a night, hugging you. You were in your pajamas, very much pregnant. They saw you kiss his cheek and turn away, heading into the back. Sam was grinning when he stepped out, shutting the door. When he looked up, his stomach fell.

“Dean? Crowley?” He asked, shocked. “How the hell did you find me?”

Dean gave him an angry look. “Months, Sammy.” He snapped. “You’ve watched us search for months, and here you are. Playing house?” Sam went to open his mouth to correct him, but Dean cut him off with one hell of a punch. “I wake up this morning, and find you gone. After a bit, I decide to track your phone. It wasn’t hard to get Crowley to come along. If you wanted to be left alone, you should have been more discreet.” His voice was dripping with venom. “And Cas? He knew? That here she is, obviously pregnant.” He’d be having a word with him later.

“Dean! That’s not it!” He yelled. Ducking, he avoided another fist to the side of his face. Months of anger were built up, and aimed right at him. “Damn it, Dean.” He grunted as Dean tackled him, sitting on his waist. His right fist came down again.

You’d heard Sam yell, and knew something was wrong. Pulling on your sneakers, you ran (as well as you could) out the door. You saw Dean beating Sam. “DEAN STOP!” You yelled. His fist paused midair, and he turned to you. You were shaking. “Don’t hurt him, he’s done nothing wrong. Whatever you think he’s done, you’re wrong.”

As he got up and walked closer, you swallowed. Crowley was too angry to even speak. “You’ve been sleeping with Sam, haven’t you?” He growled. You shook your head, tearing up. “Really? Because I know that kid isn’t mine.” All the two of you had done was oral.

You closed your eyes, pushing the tears down your face. “He’s Crowley’s.” You whispered.

[vidavalor]

Ok, Vidavalor! I need you. I was rewatching and I don't care what anyone says, Az is not saying 'trust me'! It looks all wrong to me. What do you think? Is he saying 'trust me' or something else?

Thx and lots of love.

Lots of love right back. And chocolate gelato, if you'd like some. 💕 I think I can help...

<<Is he saying 'trust me' or something else?>>

Yes. To both things. As you pointed out, "trust me" are not the actual words Aziraphale is mouthing. It's visibly off-- too many movements of his mouth (and the wrong movements) for those words to match. The actual words are not literally "trust me" but they mean that to Crowley, which is why, in the later scene in the bookshop, Crowley says that's what Aziraphale said.

I wrote more about it here but while Aziraphale clearly doesn't mouth "trust me" in 1941, he does mouth "come for me."

Because why waste a good opportunity to be hot while keeping the episode rating mild, right? lol What did Aziraphale say? Oh, he said "trust me", of course. Because he did. He just also didn't. 😉