#(because I have learned what happens when I post immediately after finishing a chapter with no future material in the bank)

[musical-chick-13]

WAIT I JUST REALIZED THIS THING I INCLUDED IN THIS CHAPTER CAN TIE INTO/INFORM CHARACTER BEHAVIOR DURING A LATER EVENT IN THE ACTUAL SHOW CANON.

[newwritergirl]

Starting over | Part 17

Masterlist

Summary: The evening with Bob und Javy at the Hard Deck is destroyed by a Welsh. But unfortunately it's just the beginning of the cruel man's plan.

Trigger Warnings: 18+!, Minors DNI!, past abusive relationhip, throwing up, previous assault, language, angst

Word Count: 2k +

A/N: This chapter is a bit shorter, but I wanted to post it before going deeper into the angst and drama.

With a worried look Pete turns around and makes his way over to Bob and Coyote. He doesn't let some prick destroy the whole progress the young woman made since she lives in Miramar, only because of the loose tongue of that Welsh guy.

"Bob, Coyote. A word." Maverick interrupts the men's conversation rather impolite but he needs to get this off his chest before y/n comes back to their table.

"Captain? Take a seat. What's wrong?" Javy was the first one to speak after the surprising arrival of their Captain.

"I just interrupted Welsh while he had a - conversation with y/n. She looked very uncomfortable. Just, please have an eye on her, I'm not trusting this guy, as you know." Welsh's reason for his assignment on their base is classified but everyone knows by now that something must've happened at his old base. Even with the details unknown for all of them except for Bradshaw and in parts for Seresin, they all assume that Welsh's transfer has to do something with his behavior towards women. With Nat he already bit on granite, with her strong and confident attitude he soon learned that he should shut up in front of the female fighter pilot. But with the shy It-specialist it's a completely different story.

Both pilots share a look before giving their Captain the affirmative to look out for their female friend and to put Welsh under their observation as well.

---

The cold water making contact with her hands helps a bit to stop the tremble she still has in her hands. In no case she is able to continue the evening at the Hard Deck with Bob and Javy. The nausea is still lingering in the back of her throat. The cruel nightmare, the daunting messages from that unknown number and now the repeated encounter with Welsh left her feeling worse every minute she stays longer in the packed bar. She just hopes that her two friends wouldn't be mad or disappointed when she is going to announce that she wants to go home.

With a ghostly pale face and cautious steps, always looking out afraid to once again stumble into Welsh, she makes her way over to the table where Bob and Javy still sitting and waiting patiently for their drinks.

"Hey, there she is." Bob immediately sees that something is wrong with the young woman. Her nearly ashen face gives him a reason to worry even more. He immediately stands up to offer y/n his chair so that she doesn't have to round the table to take a seat. But she touches his arm in a soft grasp as to steady herself.

"Hey, I'm sorry guys, but I call it a night. I'm really tired. Gonna call an Uber and…" She doesn't get to finish her sentence before Javy also stands up grabbing his jacket and looking at her.

"Bob and I just thought the same. Let's go home, sunshine." He wraps his arm around her shoulder in a protective manner, he already noticed her being a bit unsteady.

---

Y/n knows that some wounds never truly heal, especially the deep ones her ex inflicted on her soul. When Welsh grabbed her at the Hard Deck she felt herself catapulted into the life she once lived and she asks herself why she seems to be a magnet for men like that. Under normal circumstances she would seek comfort in her two boyfriends. They're the exact opposite of Welsh and her ex. They're protective, lovely and never had the intention to make her feel small or less worthy. How she misses them, especially now. A sob is bubbling out of her mouth and echoing in the master bathroom where she's currently kneeling in front of the toilet, throwing up everything which is left in her system. She still feels the piercing gaze of Welsh looking dangerously deep into her eyes, his strong and rough grip on her arms, she still hears his words. 'I knew you have a thing for pilots' is playing in her head in that scary tone he said those words. Does he know about their relationship? She knows that their secret relationship would probably not be a secret forever, but she doesn't want that disgusting man to spread rumors at base. She doesn't want Jake and Bradley's careers to be in jeopardy. Another painful gag bubbles out of her throat, tears of pain streaming down her cheeks when she hears her phone chirping in the otherwise silent house.

---

Utterly exhausted she stands up from her position on the bathroom floor she is certain that there's nothing left to bring up. On shaky legs she makes her way over to the sink, her pale face is reflected in the mirror when she sees another sticky note from her boyfriends.

You're the most beautiful woman that we've ever seen.

We love you. JB

Y/n doesn't know how long she looked at the Bradley and Jake's message but another trill of her mobile brings her out of her thoughts. Her heart is beating painfully in her chest afraid of another scary message of an unknown number. When she finally finds her mobile in the living room area where she abandoned it after coming home she's not sure if she is brave enough to open the two unread messages.

A sigh of relief escapes the young woman's mouth.

Bobby: Hey y/n, just wanted to ask if you're doing okay. You didn't look too good when we left the Hard Deck.

Bobby: Y/n, I'm worried. Please text me when you're awake.

Y/n: Hey Bobby. Sorry I was already asleep. I'm good, just tired. Thanks for checking in. I hope you and Javy are not mad for calling it a night so early.

Bobby: No way! We're not mad :-) Please call me, if you need something. Gonna check in with you over the weekend. Sleep well, sunshine.

Y/n: Thanks Bobby! Have a good night!

---

The bar is finally emptying, the last few patrons are finishing their drinks and the buzzing chatter is slowly quieting down. Pete Mitchell sits at his usual spot at the bar where he usually watches his girlfriend Penny preparing to close the Hard Deck. But today he is deep in thought frowning and playing with the label of his beer bottle.

A warm hand stops him from shredding the paper label further.

"Hey, stop making a mess on my bar, I already cleaned it an hour ago." Penny smiled at the pilot in front of her. "What's wrong with you, the last time I saw you frowning like that you thought about how to scare Amelia's boyfriend away."

Pete looks up from the mess he made unconsciously. "Something like that… I'm worried about y/n."

Penny looks at her boyfriend puzzled. "Y/n? What's wrong with the poor girl?"

"You know my dear, some things are classified, but for you I will make an exception." Pete says while grabbing the smaller hand of his girlfriend planting a kiss on the back of her hand.

"With Rooster and Hangman gone… I think she has a hard time. I mean, not because she's alone, but… I caught some sleazy guy harassing her earlier -"

"HARASSING? HER? In my bar? Pete Mitchell, where's this scumbag? You should've told me, I would've kicked his ass out of MY BAR." Penny nearly shouts. Her bar is a safe haven for the Navy and for other people who earn and give respect to other human beings. There's absolutely no room for scum, especially not for men harassing women.

"Slow down tiger. It's not that easy. I will kick him out…out of base and out of town. But I need to form a plan, I need the Admiral in my corner. Well, he also hates this guy, but we need to play it by the books." Welsh is a red flag, that fact is clear since he and the Admiral read his file. But until now they don't have enough in their hands to kick him out of base and out of the Navy for good. But Pete is sure that it will happen in the near future and until then they need to have a close eye on this guy.

"It's someone from the base? Don't tell me it's this new guy… I'm going to kill him." The younger woman wrings the rag in her hand as if she's imagining Welsh's neck.

"Penny, my love. This is absolutely confidential."

---

The rest of the weekend was a blur for y/n. To get through it she found herself in some kind of cleaning madness, not that the house was dirty beforehand, but until Sunday evening she has cleaned some places of their cozy home more than three times just to exhaust herself out enough to sleep for some hours.

Now, fortunately in the middle of the week she sits outside on the base sipping the hot beverage Bob brought her minutes ago and enjoying the crisp air and the morning rays of sun on her face she's miles away with her thoughts. She's relieved that she hasn't seen Welsh the whole week and that she could distract herself with a huge load of work. She helped the Admiral with another computer problem and started on programming new software for the Daggers which should help them with teaching and training the recruits.

"Hello y/n…"

The young woman flinches as she hears the familiar voice. She was lucky enough to not cross path with the nasty aviator the last three days. But today, she's not that lucky. He sits down beside her, too close for her own liking which makes her shrinking into herself even more.

"No greeting, today? I thought you were well-bred. Seems like Michael was still too soft with you." He chuckles.

The moment y/n hears the name of her ex, that man that inflicted so much pain on her, that man who nearly killed her and scarred her soul in so many ways, she feels panic bubbling in her chest. How does Welsh know her ex' name? How does he even have the balls to confront her with her past? With a loud thud her coffee cup falls to the floor, splintering in thousand pieces swimming in the still hot brown liquid. She feels her chest tightening and breathing gets more difficult every second. She jumps up from her seat beside the cruel aviator, feeling his bigger hand squeezing her forearm to prevent her from fleeing. But y/n is able to wiggle herself free and starts to sprint toward the office building. She doesn't notice where she is running, completely trapped in the panic and shock which is swirling in her brain.

---

Some hours before:

Daniel can't believe his luck when the lock finally opens with a click. It's dark outside when he arrived at the base this morning. He didn't want to risk to be seen when he breaks into the Admiral's office. Is it a bit too much to break into the Admiral's office? Probably. Is it too damn risky to steal some information? Hell, yeah. But he needs some more information about this young and sexy IT-specialist and with her two guard dogs gone it's the best time to start his little blackmail show. With the right information about her it will be easier to intimidate this slut further.

"No way…" He talks to himself in a hushed voice when he starts to read y/n's file which is securely stored in the Admiral's office. She had a bad ex-boyfriend who assaulted her? Perfect, this is just perfect. She was a little bruised obedient girl and he will get her there once again. She is just the perfect woman for him. Hopefully his plan is going to bloom before these morons are back from their deployment. But he's in cheerful spirits now that he knows all the little sad details of y/n's past. And he will launch his offensive today. The stupid girl is already afraid and nervous in his presence and this is the best point of departure to go from there. Soon she will be his little toy and her aviator boyfriends are forgotten. She needs a man with a strong hand and not these two sissies. This slut needs him and he knew the first time he laid his eyes on her that she will be his.

@djs8891

@darksparklesficrecs

@nerdgirljen

@abaker74

@crazyunsexycool

@itsarabellebabes

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

The Quicksilver Princess Ch. 5

Series summary: A fantasy AU in which Dean is part of a long line of warriors who protect the kingdom. What happens when his rescue of the little princess with the quicksilver eyes gets him a possible future bride?

Series Warnings: Nothing major. Show typical violence. Fantasy violence. Smut. Angst. Fluff. Each chapter will have its own specific warnings. So, watch for those.

Chapter Warnings: None.

Pairings: Dean Winchester x OFC (Melissande)

Word Count: 5,730

A/N: This is the ridiculously long postponed Chapter 5. (Ch. 4 was posted more than 2 years ago! 🙈🙈) This fic won my poll to see what orphaned series I'd finish next. And I'm so thrilled that I'm finally able to finish it. I swear Chapter 6 will be up in the next week or so at the latest. It's all outlined and ready to go, just gotta write it out. But it will DEFINITELY not be another two years. *crosses heart*

Hope you enjoy this chapter! ❤️

Series Master List || Main Master List || Tag Lists

Dean came awake with a start, sitting up quickly and then immediately groaning and pressing his hand to his head as it throbbed. He squeezed his eyes closed for a minute, feeling slightly nauseous and trying to make sense of the jumble of images in his mind. 

Mellie's face floated into focus and his eyes popped open.

“Mellie?” He called out, sitting up quickly and looking around as his head throbbed again. A few feet away, Rowena held out her hands towards him.

“Try not to move too quickly. I had to use strong magic to fell you and that can sometimes leave a person feeling a wee bit peaky.”

Suddenly everything came rushing back to Dean and he jumped up, charging towards the tiny witch. He stopped just short of wrapping his hands around her neck, but his fingers itched from the restraint.

“You let her go!” He roared at her. “To save your own skin you gave her up just like that.” He snapped his fingers.

Rowena shook her head. “You've really a very low opinion of me, haven't you? This is the second time you've accused me of selling out our wee princess.”

Dean clenched his teeth. “Because I know who you are and how you operate. You'd do anything to save yourself.”

Rowena shrugged. “I won't apologize for prioritizing my safety. But it just so happens that this time, the princess's safety and mine go hand in hand. I need her to stop the Queen because nothing that duplicitous, mangy monarch has planned could possibly do me, or any of us for that matter, any good.”

Dean swallowed hard. “So you sent Mellie out to be slaughtered, and you think THAT is a solution? If anything, you've just made the queen's attempt at power that much easier.”

Rowena shook her head. “No, because you are going to save her, remember?”

Dean growled in frustration, turning abruptly to begin pacing around thel grand entranceway. “You're as bad as Mellie! Just how am I supposed to get into the castle, past hundreds of guardsmen, through the queen's own personal guards and into her suites to stop her from…”

He lifted his arms and spun back to face the witch. “From what exactly? We have no idea what she's doing, what she's planning! So, how can I even try to go in prepared?”

Rowena nodded. “It’s a quandary to be sure, but you’re a resourceful young lad, I have faith you’ll figure it out.”

Dean just glared at her. Rowena raised a delicate shoulder. “Look, all I can tell you is that the Queen may pretend she’s a part of the Great Church as the monarchs are meant to be, but she’s a witch, through and through, except that she's a coward and hides it. But her father was a devout follower of the old gods, and he taught her to be the same.”

Dean frowned. “How do you know that?”

Rowena looked away coyly. “I maybe, perhaps, let him court me for a few years after his wife died.”

Dean’s eyes got wide. “So you know the Queen? Personally?”

Rowena scoffed. “I wouldn’t claim that much. When I was with Roland, little Layo’ita was hardly ever around. Her days were mostly spent learning how to marry King Yasa and be his First Queen. 

Yasa’s maiden aunt lived at Roland’s keep to teach Layo’ita how to be royal - the protocols and expectations, as well as the history of the Coll family’s reign of Sanso’ye for three hundred years. She had a lot to learn, so we didn’t see her often. She’d essentially been the Coll’s property from the day the betrothal papers were signed when she was just two weeks old.”

Rowena sighed. “I could almost feel sorry for her back then. She was just this plain little slip of a girl, and it must have been a very heavy burden for her to carry.”

Dean grit his teeth. “Yes, well now she’s a murderer, so I’m afraid I don’t share your sympathy.”

Rowena arched an eyebrow. “I said I could ALMOST feel sorry for her. But even back then, she had a kind of mean streak in her. And Roland encouraged it. When she was ten years old she was practicing a complicated courtier’s dance and slipped and fell flat on her arse. Her handmaid, the woman who had been assigned to her at birth, who’d doted on her constantly for ten years, chuckled slightly at the slip up and Layo’ita had her taken away and severely whipped. When he found out about it, Roland told her she’d done right, that she was a product of the old gods and they wouldn’t allow for mockery.”

Rowena’s lip curled. “I didn’t stay with him long after that.” She sighed. “I know for a fact that he encouraged her to pursue magic and the old ways. But she hides it very well. I don’t think many people in the kingdom even have a clue about her witchery. Hypocrite.” She huffed. 

Dean closed his eyes. “Alright, how does any of this help me? It just means that on top of the couple hundred guardsmen and personal guards between me and the Queen, apparently I also have her powerful magical abilities to contend with.”

“Yes, which is an important fact to know going in, don’t you think?” Rowena asked with pique. “You’re welcome, Winchester.”

Dean sighed. “Yes, thank you, Witch.” He rubbed a hand over his face. His stomach felt sick as he thought of Mellie holed up with a crazed, dark-hearted woman bent on power.

“I don’t know where to start.” He said, a little desperately. “Obviously I need help, but I’m telling you, the other Warriors won’t listen to me. Or the vast majority of them won’t.”

Rowena shook her head. “I think you’re underestimating your own persuasiveness as well as the Warriors’ sense of what’s right. The members of your clan have powerful instincts that skirt the edges of being magical themselves.”

“We are not magical.” Dean said with a frown. “We're just very good at our duties, and we take our oaths seriously.”

Rowena rolled her eyes. “As you say, dear. The point being that those good instincts will help them hear the truth of your mission.”

Dean shook his head and sighed deeply. “I suppose it's my only hope, isn't it?”

“Likely is.” She held up a finger. “Just wait one moment, I have something that might help you.”

She walked out of the room, but was back almost instantly with two small leather bundles that she handed to Dean. He looked at them and raised a brow.

Rowena covered them in his hand. “These reveal spell work. You've got a powerful witch on your hands, one who has been able to hide her magic for a very long time. But this bag will glow purple in the presence of magic and if you burn one, it will reveal to you what magic has been used, so you can't be fooled by trickery.”

Dean nodded. “That will be helpful, thank you.”

Rowena smiled at him, and he recognized it as genuine. “You can thank me when that wee princess is safe and that lying, cowardly Witch Queen is dead.”

Dean nodded. “Done.”

***

Melissande was trying not to panic.

The ride from Rowena’s to the castle had taken half a day. Her surrender had been simple enough; she’d merely told the Guardsmen that she was ready to be taken to the First Queen, and one of them had swept her up in front of him on his horse and shackled her wrists before galloping away. They’d traveled for hours and had arrived at the castle just as the sun was at its zenith in the sky.

The solar eclipse will happen in less than a day, Melissande thought with a little thrill of fear. But then she shook her head. No, I believe in you, my Winchester Warrior, I know you’ll get here on time.

When they got to the castle, the guard she’d been riding with lifted her down and then took her to a cell in the dungeons of the castle. It was bleak, but it was clean and there was one high window that let in some light and air.

As dungeons went, she supposed it could be worse.

She’d been to the King's Castle less than a dozen times throughout her life, and only a handful of times in the last dozen years. All her life she'd lived with her mother in the Blue wing of the Northern Castle. When she was younger, her father’s other wives and children had lived there too. The Second Queen had lived in the Yellow Wing with her son, and the Third Queen had lived in the Green Wing with her two daughters.

Melissande was many years younger than her other siblings and as such, they’d never been close. 

The First Queen had given birth to one son and one daughter. But the baby girl had died very shortly after birth, and she’d never met her eldest brother, heir to the throne, Prince Lien. By the time she was born, he was living far away, governing some of Sanso’ye’s territories in The Lands Beyond.

Her second brother, Prince Ar'tak, was a captain in the King’s Forces and fighting in some endless war across the sea. She only had vague, unreliable memories of him, since he left when she was barely four years old. 

Her two elder sisters, Par’ita, and Sol’min had been married off to lesser Princes in Misola, when Melissande was eight. They had been seventeen and eighteen respectively and with a decade separating their ages, they'd had very little interest in spending time with their eight year old half sister.

So, she didn’t really know any of her half-siblings very well, but she’d been close with her father. Or she thought she had.

But since he’d stopped coming to visit the Northern castle when she was six, she'd only seen him from afar during those official events that her mother had insisted they travel south to attend, “because it was the proper thing to do”. Her sisters’ weddings had been two of those occasions. 

Every time they'd gone to the castle, no matter how brief their visit, Melissande had always secretly hoped her father would notice her and come running, excited to see her once again, as he used to be.

She still remembered how it used to feel when he would come to visit. They usually knew he'd be coming, but sometimes he surprised them, and he'd stride through the door of their sitting room, and his deep, calm, voice would fill the stone room with warmth.

Melissande would jump up and run to him, despite her mother's loving admonishment that proper ladies didn't run and leap into people's arms. Her father had no such compunction, however, and would whisk her off the ground in a sweeping arc that made her squeal in delight.

Her mother may not have leapt into his arms, but she walked into them quickly, and happily. Her father would hold her in one arm and wrap the other around her mother's waist and pull her close. Hera would rest her head on his wide chest, and it was always the happiest Melissande ever saw her.

When he stopped coming to visit them, Melissande missed him terribly, but she didn't think her mother ever really got over his loss. She stayed the same loving, caring mother she'd always been, but underneath she always seemed just a little sad. It hurt Melissande's heart to know her mother died with that sadness still inside her; she’d never be relieved of it.

Maybe, if the priests or sorcerers were right, her mother was resting peacefully with her lost family and ancestors in another realm, and maybe Melissande would be able to see her there again, one day.

But not anytime soon. She thought. Because Dean is coming to save me.

As Melissande sank onto the dingy, slightly dusty floor, an idea came to her. Maybe Dean would reach out to the king and explain what was happening. She refused to believe her father knew everything that was going on, and was simply refusing to help her, or worse, was in on the Queen's plans.

Why hadn’t she thought to tell Dean to seek him out. Had she actually feared his involvement, deep down, or had he just been out of her life for so long, that reaching out to him for help simply hadn’t occurred to her.

Before she could ponder the troubling idea for long, however, Layo’ita came sweeping grandly into the dungeon to smile wickedly at Melissande in her cage.

The silver-eyed princess jumped to her feet quickly as the queen approached the bars of the cell. The First Queen was draped in seemingly endless silks, many layers of long trains trailing behind her in the dust. Her skin was pulled so tightly over her bones that her face resembled a grinning skull as she laughed at Melissande.

“Oh, my wee little bastard fey, how beautiful you've become. You favor your whorish mother, though of course, your eyes come from your father's side of the family.”

Melissande felt her muscles stiffen at the insult to her mother, but ignored it, since she knew Layo’ita was just trying to rile her. 

“You won't get away with this, witch. My father will stop you.”

The Queen's ghoulish mouth spread wide and a laugh that was almost a cackle poured out. 

“You think…” More laughter. “You believe your father will stop me?”

She stepped close to the bars and spoke softly. “Trust me when I say, he's most assuredly on my side.”

Melissande’s heart balked at that idea. But she hadn't seen her father for nearly thirteen years. Did she even really know him? Until she'd been sitting in this cell, it hadn't even occurred to her to go to him for help.

Layo'ita was still chuckling as she tilted her head as though contemplating Melissande. Then she nodded like she was answering her own question. 

“Why not?” She said aloud and snapped her fingers.

As fast as blinking, Melissande was suddenly in a different cell - a much darker one. There was no window here and the air was fetid and dank. It smelled like mold and old rotting things. As her eyes adjusted slowly, she could make out the stone walls, and the chains that were attached to them at various points.

All she could hear was a rhythmic drip, drip, drip of water off to her right, and the scuttling and scurrying of what had to be mice or rats of some kind.

Grateful that she wasn't attached to the chains that hung there, Melissande began walking around the long narrow cell. As she got a sense of her surroundings, she realized the room was split in two parts; a crumbling wall that was half collapsed, separated them.

She walked carefully towards the wall and then pulled up short when a voice called out from the other side.

“Who's there? Go away! Leave me alone!”

She jumped at the sudden noise, and her heart was beating out of her chest. But despite the stranger's words, she moved forward. There was something familiar in that voice, though it sounded parched and slightly raw.

She walked tentatively around to the other side of the half wall and her heart stopped all together as she saw the man huddled in the corner.

“Father?”

***

The taproom in King's Town was busy, but not stuffed full when Dean walked in. Good, he'd be able to be heard. The barman, Sterin, waved to Dean. He knew him well.

He began pouring his usual mug of ale, but Dean waved him off. 

“Apologies, Sterin, I have no time for drinking tonight. I'm only here to address your patrons.” He waved at the table of a dozen or so Warriors.

Both Sterin and the Warriors grumbled, most of the Winchesters turned away from him and concentrated intently on the ale in their cups.

But he was eternally grateful that two of his friends were there. Robert and Jody were a married couple who'd trained together and then fought together very impressively for more than twenty years. They'd always maintained a stalwart support of John and Sam, though most of their fellow Winchester Warriors said they were fools.

Their friendship had kept Dean sane in the early days after the loss of his father and brother.

They were stationed at the Southernmost Winchester Keep, located on The Shield, so they rarely came this far North. He wanted to believe it was Providence that had brought them so far just when he needed them the most.

They both stood up, and Jody came forward to hug him.

“Dean! We were going to head out to see you on our way back down south. But this is better! Now we can dine together.”

“And drink.” Robert added, shaking Dean's hand and slapping him on the back.

“It's so good to see you both, but I'm afraid I have no time to eat or drink.”

Robert's face became serious and Jody's was worried.

“What's wrong, son?” Robert asked.

Dean nodded at them, but called out to the other Warriors at the long table as well. 

“I need help from all of you.” A couple Winchesters looked his way, but most of them just ignored him.

“The kingdom needs you.”

That got a few more heads to turn in his direction.

One of the men he didn't know very well, he thought he was called Ketch, scowled at him. “And why should we believe anything you say, traitor.”

Robert bristled and took a step towards the snide man, but Dean grabbed his forearm. “No, it's fine.” He said in an easy tone.

“I just need you to listen.” Before he could be interrupted, he spoke quickly. “Fourth Queen Hera is dead, and her daughter, the Princess Melissande has been taken prisoner by the Guardsmen.”

He knew he'd hit the right nerve by mentioning the Guardsmen, as all the Warriors grumbled and a few actually spit as though they were warding off evil. The Warriors were not keen on the Guardsmen, feeling correctly that they'd been usurped by them.

Robert shook his head. “How can Queen Hera be dead? When did this happen? And what possible reason did those tin cans give for taking the little princess?” He asked, using the insulting nickname given to the Guardsmen because of their metal armor.

“The Queen was killed, and they took Mellie because the First Queen claims that she was the one who murdered her mother.”

There was general scoffing and disbelief among the group, including some of the other patrons. 

“Mellie?” Jody asked quietly, raising a knowing brow, while the others talked amongst themselves and shared their doubts.

Dean looked down at Jody and he knew she could read him like an open book, so he was grateful to look away and return to the questions being thrown at him. 

More slowly than he really had patience for, he eventually explained the whole story to everyone's satisfaction. He left out the part where he and Mellie got married. If they all lived through this he wanted her to have the ability to annul their marriage quietly and without harming her reputation. So, he simply told them that he'd tried to protect her without providing particulars.

He also left out the fact that he believed the First Queen was a powerful witch, only saying that they were unsure what the First Queen wanted with Mellie. That little detail might be too much for the credibility of the story. Also, they’d demand to know why he believed it and he didn’t want to sell Rowena out and bring her trouble. He just needed The Warriors to help him get in the door; he'd deal with the witch himself.

As the Warriors’ questions fell silent, Ketch raised one last important one.

“And where exactly is the King in all of this? I know over the last dozen years, he's taken a much more subdued role; most people agree that the attempt on his life by men he trusted completely, has made him overly cautious. But surely, in such a situation, with his wife murdered and his own child implicated, surely he'd show himself to deal with it.”

Dean nodded. “Exactly my thoughts, and yet we've heard nothing from him. He hasn't come to any of us or the Guardsmen to try and find the murderer. And in fact, no one even knows Queen Hera is dead.”

He took a deep breath. “I believe the King has been incapacitated in some way. I believe he is unable to act or to give voice to his needs.”

“Uh, Dean,” Jody raised her finger in the air. “Just one problem with that theory, Robert and I spoke with him earlier this afternoon and he wasn't incapacitated at all.”

Dean was taken aback. “Why and how did you meet with the King?”

Robert answered. “We've been after the Council for months now to sit down with us about the state of things in The Shield. There are marauders there, coming in from the sea, and killing and pillaging the villagers up and down the coast. But the council has refused every time, saying it was on us as Warriors to deal with it.”

Jody cut him off, clearly frustrated. “How we're supposed to ‘deal with it’ is beyond me. We have four Warriors to cover the entire Shield, and almost no resources. We've written endless letters that have gone unanswered, or were answered in a very unsatisfactory way. So today we finally just showed up and refused to leave until we met with the Council.”

“We met with them alright,“ Robert continued the story, “and the King was there too. We weren't expecting that. But he said he came because he was very annoyed with us. He told us that he was aware of the problem, but he was sick to death of hearing about how we were failing him once again. He was angry and certainly didn't seem incapable of voicing his concerns.”

Dean frowned, a frown that turned into a scowl as Ketch stared at him. “So, what exactly are we to believe, hmm? That the king is well and fine, but will not come to us for help because we are now despised thanks to your family? Or should we take you at your word, and believe this very intricate lie you've concocted?”

“I have spoken no lie here.” Dean said firmly, his voice dark and deep. “The Princess is being held by the First Queen, there is a plot to end her life, and it's up to us to save her. I don't know what the King's role is in all of this, but I feel in my gut that something has gone very wrong for him. I just don't understand what.”

He breathed in deeply and put every ounce of conviction into his words. 

“I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Mellie will die if we don't save her. So, I am asking you all, begging you, in fact, to believe me when I say the kingdom is in trouble. Believe me when I say, my father and brother were innocent. And believe me when I tell you that our answers, and our chance to once again fulfill our oaths to protect Sanso’ye and its people, are waiting beyond the Guardsmen at the gate. Our answers lay inside the castle, they lay in saving the princess that I've already saved once.”

He clenched his jaw, his resolve hardening. “And with or without you all, I will save her again.” He let his chest deflate. “But, I could sure use your swords, Winchesters.”

Robert and Jody flanked him. Jody patted his arm. “You have ours, gladly.”

Slowly a few of the others stood, and then more, and then finally all but Ketch, stood with swords at the ready. 

Dean stared at the last man sitting down and Ketch stared back, studying him. Finally, he drained his cup and stood. 

“It's about time someone showed those Guardsmen how it's done. I certainly won't miss out on that.”

Dean sighed and let a small smile lift the corner of his mouth. 

“Alright, what's the strategy?”

***

Melissande felt her world tilt as she looked down at the man she barely recognized as her father. Surely he hadn't deteriorated so much since she'd last seen him a year ago, at the Thistle Day celebration. It was the annual anniversary of the day the Coll family supposedly sprung from the earth in a field of Thistles to be caretakers of Sanso’ye. When she'd seen him from afar, he'd been fit, hale and hearty, as he'd given the royal benediction to the week long celebrations.

Now though, chained to the wall, he was gaunt almost to the point of starvation and even in the dim light that emanated from a small lamp sitting beside him, his skin looked gray and papery.

Beside the lamp sat an empty bucket and a few piles of bones, including what was obviously the skeleton of a rat. Melissande felt her stomach lurch and she was worried she might be sick.

As she took a few steps closer to the man on the ground, he picked up some of the bones and threw them at her. 

“Get away from me you shrew! I told you this won't work anymore. I know your disgusting tricks now.”

He was obviously furious, but his voice was reedy and thin as he railed at her. In spite of her confusion and fear, her heart broke for the pain she could hear in his words, and in the way he curled in on himself.

She took a step closer and he buried his head in his drawn up, skinny knees. “Can't you just leave me here to die.”

Tears fell as she knelt on the filthy floor beside him. “Papa?” She whispered and she saw him flinch like he'd been slapped. 

She reached out and tentatively touched his cheek. He raised his head and stared at her with tears falling. “Layo, please stop. I don't understand your hatred. Just stop.”

Melissande shook her head. “Papa, I don't know what you're saying. It's me. I'm not…I mean, how could I be the First Queen?”

She stayed close to him, and could see the change coming over his face as an obviously very wary hope cropped up. 

“Come…come closer, child.”

She got even closer to him and he inhaled deeply, sniffing at her. More confused than ever, Melissande looked at him and shook her head.

“What are you doing?”

Her father's mask of pain and fear slipped a little further into hope. “You…smell like sunshine.” He croaked, and more tears fell. “Her Duplicates always smell of rotting eggs.” 

His chains rattled as he lifted his manacled hand to reach out and touch her cheek. He gasped in a watery breath. 

“You're warm!” He said shakily. “Oh, beautiful girl, say you're really my sweet Melissande or just end me here, please, I beg you. I can't take having it ripped away from me again.”

“It's me, Papa. I promise. But what don't you want ripped away from you?”

“Hope.” He said, his voice creaky. “Every time she sends down a Duplicate, they work even harder to convince me that you, or Hera are here to save me. They seem to know things, and I want to believe them so badly. But no matter how real she makes them, she can't get rid of their cold skin or disgusting smell.”

Fear crept back into his gaze. “Please don't just be a better version.”

Melissande threw her arms around his neck like she had when she was little. 

“No, Papa. I'm real, I'm here. Believe me.”

“Alright.” He said gruffly. “I will believe you, because I want to so badly.”

Melissande pulled back, wiping away tears and shaking her head. “But I'm so confused. Why are you down here? How long have you been down here?”

Yasa looked at her and gave a watery sigh. “How old are you now, little one?”

Melissande blinked. “Nineteen, heading towards twenty years old. Why?”

“Well, I've completely lost track of time down here. I always tried to guess based on how old the Duplicates of you looked, and I knew it had been years, but I was never sure. If you're nineteen, though, then that means I've been down here for twelve years.”

Melissande gasped. “Twelve years! How is that possible? I just saw you a year ago on Thistle Day.”

Yasa shook his head. “No, that wasn't me. it was Thistle Day twelve years ago that she did this to me.”

“Twelve years.” Melissande whispered. “My god, that was when…” She stared at her father and raised a questioning brow, Dean's face swimming in her mind's eye.

“Papa, twelve years ago, The Winchester Warrior Chieftain, John, was hanged for an attempted assassination, on you. His son was incarcerated in the mines for aiding him. But, were you even there then?”

Yasa closed his eyes. “Yes, I was there. In fact, John and Sam were only in the castle that night because I'd called them to me.”

He ran a knobby, skinny hand down his face. “I suspected Layo was plotting something, but I didn't know what, and I didn't know who I could trust in the castle. So, I went to Sam and John on my own, hidden within a long traveling cloak so no one would know it was me. I asked them to come to the castle after midnight when it was quiet, and help me work out the truth, and to meet me in the library in the West Wing.”

He sighed and let his head drop back against the damp, weeping stone wall. 

“I knew Layo dabbled in a bit of magic here and there, but I had no idea she was so practiced and powerful.”

Yasa closed his eyes tightly. “When I went into the library to wait for them, she was already there, holding a knife to your throat. And when John and Sam arrived she was holding a knife to mine.”

Melissande was shaking her head as her father opened his eyes. “No, what do you mean? The Queen never kidnapped me or threatened me with a kni-”

Melissande's eyes widened. “A Duplicate.”

Yasa nodded. “Yes, and another when Sam and Dean saw me there being threatened. She needed to keep the real me alive to connect with her Duplicate, so she couldn't risk an actual knife to my throat. But Sam and John couldn't have known that.

How confused they must have been when, hours later, it seemed as if I just stood there while they were charged with trying to kill me. They must have believed I was in on their downfall, and they couldn't possibly know who to trust either. But I was locked up down here by then. Layo'ita came to my cell later, to tell me all about it and taunt me by reminding me that not only would no one ever be coming to save me, no one would even know I was gone.”

Melissande's eyes filled with tears as she thought about how hopeless that would feel.

Yasa reached out a manacled hand to wipe away the wetness from her cheek. “But that was my own fault, little one. I'd abandoned you and your mother, my other children and wives. You know, I never loved any of my wives the way I loved your mother. I married Layo’ita because it was my duty, I married Frishnia and Gayla because it was good politics. But I married your mother simply because I loved her so much. 

I respected my second and third wives as the mothers to my children and good women, and tried to make sure they were happy. And Layo'ita never seemed to care when I went to visit them and my other children. And I think it was because she knew that there was mutual respect between the three of us, but no deep love.”

He shook his head. “But as soon as I married Hera it was different. She was moody and jealous immediately. I tried to honor her as my first wife, tried to respect her and her position. But it was never enough. Until one day she demanded I stop visiting the Northern Castle altogether. It led to a tremendous fight and she wept bitterly, telling me I was being cruel and heartless and showing her no regard, to treat her so.”

He sighed deeply. “I felt horribly guilty. So, I said I'd stay away from all of you. I abandoned my children, abandoned my love, and for what? To appease the heart of a traitorous, vile witch. And a year later, I was down here.”

Yasa looked deeply into Melissande’s eyes. “Oh, my little silver-eyed princess, I'm so very grateful I've had the chance to unburden my heart to you, tell you my regrets for leaving you behind. Please forgive me. And please make sure your brother and sisters know I never should have left them either.”

Melissande took her father's hand. “I understand, Papa, and I do forgive you, of course. But I won't have to tell my siblings anything. You can tell them yourself. We're going to be rescued!”

She clasped her father's hand tightly between her own. “I swear to you, you're getting out of this disgusting place and we're going to feed you warm soups and wrap you in warm wool blankets and before you know it this place will be nothing but a memory.”

Sudden, high-pitched laughter broke through the air, making Melissande jump and gasp. The Queen's shrill, disembodied voice followed it. 

“Well, that’s partially true. You won't spend one more night in this place, my dear husband, I promise you that.”

Then just as before, without warning, there was the sound of a snap and suddenly both Melissande and Yasa were out of the dungeon and thrust into a brighter, but still windowless, round room.

Chains raised themselves from the wall and wrapped around Yasa’s wrists, pinning him against the stones.

Melissande felt herself being pushed along the floor as though a strong wind was at her back. She stumbled against a stone table and from out of nowhere, the First Queen appeared at her side, snapping her fingers again. Melissande found herself quickly strapped to the table, chains wrapping around her waist, and shackling her wrists and ankles to the table.

Queen Layo’ita smiled her dark, ghoulish smile. “One more sunrise for you both in just a few hours. And then, when the light is wholly eclipsed by the dark, I will be free to rise.”

Tag List

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@stoneyggirl2 @fanfic-n-tabulous @traiitorjoe

[minimalist-language-learning]

How I read and enjoy books in my target language

Please note that I write about what works for me and share advice based on my own experiences. If you have a different opinion or if you use other methods, that's absolutely fine. Do whatever works for you.

Since some people asked me how I read books in my target languages, I would like to describe my way of reading in this post. I focus on reading for some time now and I'm very happy with my progress so far. This doesn't mean that I won't change a few things in the future (I'm constantly gaining experience and changing my learning style accordingly).

1. Choosing a book

Before I start reading, I have to choose an appropriate book, obviously. After trial and error I realized how important this step is. My ideal book is:

not too easy (I won't learn much)

not too difficult (if I can't follow at least the rough story I won't enjoy it)

interesting (motivation to read it)

I try to choose a book that is slightly above my level so that I can follow the story without looking up too many words but also learn new words. I don't need to understand everything, but I don't want to feel lost either. Balance is important.

2. Trying the first chapter

After choosing a book that seems to be appropriate, I try to read the first chapter (and sometimes the first two chapters, if they are short). I pay attention to things like:

Can I follow the story?

Is the story interesting?

Do I like the writing style?

If I can answer (most) questions like these with "yes", I continue reading the book.

Do I only understand single words or sentences here and there? Do I have no clue what happens? Then I put the book aside for now and choose an easier one. There's no shame in admitting that this book is too difficult at the moment. Deciding what I don't read is just as important as deciding what I read.

3. Reading

If the level of difficulty is okay, I start reading the book. In my experience, the first few chapters are always the hardest. I need time to get used to the writing style, the used vocabulary and the story. 

In the case of the japanese version of Harry Potter, the beginning was difficult because of the writing style. But after two chapters, I began to enjoy the story and so I continued. That's why I always try to read at least the first chapter. A book that seems difficult in the beginning can be very enjoyable once I've read enough pages. 

When I come across an interesting word or a sentence I like, I highlight it. I try to not highlight too much stuff, though. Two, maybe three words per page is usually my maximum. Enjoying the story is my number one priority. I can read several pages without highlighting anything, even though there are words I don't know. As long as I don't feel the strong urge to look up a word, I just continue reading. 

In many cases I can understand words from context and learn them over time just by seeing them again and again. That's why I don't look up words immediately. I wait to see if they come up more often.

After I finished one chapter, I look up all highlighted words and read the passages that contain these words a second time. This way, I can connect the meaning with the full context. I don't try to memorize the word; I just try to understand it in this particular context before I continue. 

Most of the time, I learn words unconsciously. If the book is easy enough, it's not so difficult to guess the meaning of certain words. While reading, I don't focus so much on words I don't know. I just focus on following the story. I may not always understand every detail, but as long as I can follow and enjoy the story, everything is fine. I learn so much by engaging with the language in a meaningful way and enjoying the content. Sometimes, I even forget that I am reading a book in a foreign language!

I have to add, that I'm already familiar with basic sentence patterns and that I have experience with reading books in my target languages. I finished the book "Remembering the Kanji" which makes it easier to guess the meaning of words. Knowing lots of kanji is a great advantage.

I have still a long way to go, of course, but this natural way of learning vocabulary may not work well at very early stages because you need a foundation first. After you are familiar with the dialogues and example sentences in your textbook, graded readers are a good choice in my opinion. Graded readers can make the transition from textbooks to easy books aimed at (young) native speakers easier.

Tip: One thing that helped me is to take a card, write down words I looked up and put this card into the book. When I read it a second time, I don't need to look them up again. Reading texts more than once can help to get more familiar with new words. Plus, writing helps me to remember words better. Reviewing them in their original context is much more enjoyable to me than reviewing them with flashcards. In the picture below you can see how my cards look like:

4. Enjoy!

I made enjoying books my number one priority. This is what helped me to make much more progress than before. All I need is enough reading material at the right level and a dictionary. As soon as I get absorbed in a book, I don't think about learning a language. I just want to enjoy the story. The more experience I gain, the better I become at understanding the language as a result. There's no need to force it or to hurry.

What I like about just enjoying a book and learning words naturally is that it's so simple. I don't necessarily need my computer, a certain software, add-ons, ... All I need is something I can read. After reading a chapter, I only look up a few words as I described above and that's it. Then, I often feel so motivated that I want to read more. I read much more than before because I enjoy it so much.

[oristian]

Hey cutie, how are you, love your posts, would you share how you came to ship gwynriel/elucien? and your initial thoughts when you read about them?

Thank you so much, I love this! Time to absolutely gush about Elucien with an added bonus of Gwynriel. Let me take you on my reading journey for ACOTAR, because I love learning about where everyone began and where they are now!

I read the books for the first time in January. I had seen so many spoilers for months before I caved and bought the first book—my goal was to read it and tear it to filth because I was prepared for it to be mediocre and boring, and I had heard that it was full of smut. I was about to be its biggest critic just out of spite for Booktok ….. And here we are, now.

I actually went into the books shipping Feysand and Elriel based on everything that I saw on Tik Tok; I am a sucker for pretty artwork, and some of the videos I saw for Elriel seemed pretty interesting. I had not yet seen any other characters at that point. When I started reading the books, I read just for fun and really fell in love with Lucien and Nesta and that is where my focus fell—at that point, I was not thinking much on ships, but I knew that I currently was not a fan of Feylin and I already knew that Feyre was going to end up with Rhys.

When I got to ACOMAF and I saw that Elain and Lucien were mates, any thought that I had about Elriel literally died on the spot—everything made sense to me. I was already taken by Nessian, but seeing Elucien literally grounded me in place because of how much foreshadowing and symbolism they had as a couple. I immediately bought ACOWAR as I was still reading the ending and read it right after finishing. I was skipping full sections of the book just looking for scenes between Elain and Lucien, as that was all I cared about (I did eventually go back and reread it in full, for anyone wondering). No other fictional couple—besides Dramione and Chuck and Blair—has had me quite like they do.

I have said this so many times, but Elain and Lucien have the most insane amount of potential and compatibility out of any of SJM’s current couples. Everything about them is so complimentary and their book is about to end me. I could honestly talk about them all day if I had the time, but one day I plan on writing comparisons and symbolisms between them from each book in a comprehensive study—possibly when SJM announces the next book I will be more eager to do so.

As for Gwynriel, I knew from the second they met that they would be endgame. I have always been someone who is very in tune with the direction of a story, and I really adored Azriel and wanted the best possible love interest for him—originally, I thought that he would meet that person in his own book (or even Eris 🙈), until Gwyn came along. Most definitely my focus was on Nesta and Nessian in ACOSF, but I knew that Azriel had been included in this arc for a reason. Cassian easily could have been the only trainer, but including Azriel, as well? Something is being built up.

All of the little moments between Azriel and Gwyn were so pointed and written in such a way to draw in the reader’s attention. My original thought was that Azriel and Gwyn would get together by the end of the book, only because, at the time, I was not aware that there were more books being written after ACOSF. So, my thought was that Elucien and Gwynriel would happen in the background of ACOSF—I was disappointed if that was the case, of course. It was not until I joined the fandom in April that I learned that there were more books coming.

It was not until May that I learned about Azriel’s bonus chapter—and bonus chapters, in general. That chapter only solidified what I knew in that Azriel and Gwyn were endgame, but this time with the added bonus of them being foreshadowed as mates. The rest is history!

Sorry for the long winded answer, as you can see I am very passionate about my interests.

[n7punk]

I accidentally drafted this instead of scheduling it for the start of October BUT I wanna talk about the scrapbusting aspect of Sapphic September for me now it's done because it was really successful for me.

Oh to start, let me actually explain scrapbusting: it's going through your scraps/fabric pile and finally sewing the pieces you've stocked up there. Usually it's more of a quilters thing since they can much more easily use small scraps, but the term has spread through the entire sewing community now and I've also seen it used for finally completing projects you may have cut out but never sewn and such.

So a lot of my SS ideas came out of nowhere (what is Ritual. Like actually) but this event was also so good for convincing myself to finally do things I'd been holding on to forever and I wanna go over those! I'm also gonna include a little of AU-ctober/Sheratober in here at the end

highlights / fault lines (OotW) [teeth]: i have had the highlights document sitting in my WIPs folder for 2 years (Oct 2022), starting with the first paragraph in the second scene for the final fic, and then just a little blurb of what the fic would be about (adora struggling to adjust/with her depression after joining the rebellion to explore how unhealthy she managed to be in secret). when I started writing the teeth prompt, i wrote that first scene and went, wait, this could actually tie into that old idea, so i pasted it into that old doc and just went from there. I'm so glad to have finally gotten that idea out there and it was basically accidental lol.

Sickfic (the Greys) [UFO]: another file I've had sitting around for two years (Nov 2022), I wrote the first paragraph and then immediately switched over to what the first chapter of Recycled Stardust ended up being, the museum gallery opening. I was writing it for a friend who was sick, so "sickfic" made sense, but then I had the other idea and asked them which idea they'd prefer, and they chose the art gallery, so that other idea just sat there in my WIPs folder titled simply "sickfic.docx" for two years. When I saw UFO on the list I IMMEDIATELY went oh my god I'm going to finally finish this thing.

the bones of what you believe (OotW) [bones]: This is a partial hit. I came up with the idea for the broken bones thing just for this prompt, but as I started writing it, it naturally morphed into a reality break, and I had the following stub in my OotW ideas folder (titled 'delirium'): "Cognitive dissonance, catra adjusting to bright moon but its so pastel, and soft, and breezy, and smells like open air and flowers, it feels like a halucination, it’s difficult to tell what’s real". I ended up incorporating those aspects into this reality break, which I think works better than trying to turn that into its own fic separately, so another idea down!

Backseat Beast (Trade Today for Tomorrow) [moonlight]: I've had the catcrumbs drawing that inspired this sitting in my drafts, with those tags attached (minus Sapphic September lol), since the 4th of July... 2023. Yeah. I told you this was scrapbusting lol. I knew I wanted to do something with Catra, being far too aware for a kid her age, using it to listen in and be a bit of a little shit, but I never came up with more for it and had the idea it had to be multiple vignettes to make a new installment but like... it doesn't. It can just be one, lol, so as soon as I saw 'moonlight' I thought of TTfT since it's tied into immortality in that verse and I ended up using this idea even though there isn't actually any moonlight directly tied into this idea. I was going to try to write another scene that actually had the moonlight glow, but what I learned this month was that I need to give myself permission to write smaller things more.

mirrorworld (a left turn somewhere around etheria) (OotW) [surreal]: okay obviously I made that original tumblr post four years ago, but I had no intention of actually writing it. I happened to rediscover it two years later though (not really sure when) and decided I should actually write it. Well I wrote one paragraph and then never picked it back up. When I saw both the surreal and mirror prompts I knew I had to actually do this fucking idea now or just delete the damn file lmao.

Starlight (somewhere between the sand & stardust) [the divine/awakening]: This was intended to be my next project after Slipstream before Sapphic September grasped my attention with that fucking ghost prompt. Anyway just a glance at the prompt list told me I could fit in the Lightbeam sequel with these themes somewhere so hey, problem solved! I was a little burnt out on kidfic right after Slipsteam so the break to write all the stupid stuff gave me the room I needed to actually write Starlight.

A Prophecy from an Angry God [prophecy]: Oh boy this one. I don't normally like crossover fic because most of the time the themes of the two things just don't mesh, nevermind the plot, but I do sometimes like AUs just using another universe's rules (thus letting you make your own themes & plot) so that's what I wanted to do with this. The avatar fic came to me as a fever dream in the later house or early morning, I don't remember which, and I made the file in my Scrivener ideas folder on March 24th in 2023, but I wasn't sure I was actually ever going to write it. I remembered it when thinking about prophecy/fate in regards to the Avatar's role, though, and I was like. I'm not deleting this file ever, so I either need to write it now or look at it forever. So I finally wrote it LOL.

In AU-ctober, I've been seeing on the idea for Somewhere Beautiful, We Can Finally Meet for 7 months. I started working on it here and there, but AU-ctober planning started back in early September and I thought this would be a good way to close it out, even if it ended up being much longer than the five days that made up that week.

Rain or Shine I've been sitting on for AGES and the Sheratober prompts helped push me on ideas to finally get it out.

The Green Line idea is only a month old, but it was just "subway AU" and the Sleep prompt came along as a great way to spur interaction by falling asleep on public transit.

[canonicallyobserving911]

WIP Wednesday

Fanonwriter2023 on AO3

Where CANON and FANON collide!

This is an EPIC LOVE STORY!

Season 7 FANON Speculation: Buddie Multi-Chapter Fanfic - Hiatus Reading: “I’m still in love with you but... I needed to learn how to love myself too!”

Chapter 16 is available on AO3 and Chapter 17 will be posted soon.

Currently 16 chapters completed: 549.4K Words Rated: Mature

One chapter will be posted at a time.

I'm excited to finish writing Chapter 17 because there's a lot happening as Buck and Eddie continue to prepare for everything that's going to happen in the next seven weeks.

For anyone who hasn't read Chapter 16, here's a brief overview: Buck and Eddie hired a travel agent to help them schedule everything for their upcoming international adventure. They also hired a tax accountant for the 12-million-dollar settlement money Buck was awarded after the sperm donor lawsuit ended and they hired a financial advisor so they could invest some of it.

They'll tie the knot before Christmas 2023 but they are NOT getting married in the U.S. and they won't have a wedding ceremony until May 2024. Currently, they think Chris is the only person who knows they're together but now several people have witnessed their romantic and emotionally intimate moments including Bobby, Chimney, Athena, Hen, Karen, Maddie and Ravi. Even though Adriana is in El Paso, she realized Eddie and Buck are together too.

Who else is going to realize they're together in Chapter 17?

___________

Here's a snippet from Chapter 17 of a call Buck gets early one morning while Eddie's on shift.

___________

Buck slowly wakes up out of a deep sleep when his cellphone starts ringing.  He opens his eyes, looks at the clock on the nightstand and wonders who would be calling him at 4:12AM.

He wipes his eyes, clears his throat then he sticks his arm out from underneath the comforter to grab his cellphone.  He looks at the caller ID and when he sees Bobby’s name, he immediately sits up in bed and goes on full alert because he wouldn’t be calling this time of morning unless it was an emergency.

He slides his finger across the screen and in his rough and raspy voice, he answers, “Bobby?”

“Buck?!”

Instantly, he recognizes Bobby’s speaking in his captain’s voice.  He knows it well because he’s heard it many times over the last seven years.  It’s always distinct and different from his regular speaking voice whenever he’s about to deliver bad news to a victim’s family.

Everything starts happening in slow motion and to him it feels like ginger ale is floating around in his skull.  He also feels like he’s drowning because his eyes aren’t focused and it seems like he’s looking through some cloudy water that might be filled with debris or swimming pool cleaner or something else but he's not sure.

A few seconds pass and he realizes the reason he’s having a difficult time seeing is because his eyes are full of tears.

Any words he’s planning to speak get choked in his throat because realization sets in and he knows Bobby’s calling because something bad happened.

His voice is just above a squeak when he whisper asks, “What is it?”

“Buck, listen to me... I need you to meet me Cedars Sinai.”

There’s a lump in his throat now because he knows that tone but he asks anyway, “Why?”

“It’s Eddie…”

He can’t hear anything else after he hears Eddie’s name because a high-pitched noise starts ringing in his ears.

What happened to Eddie? 🧐

How is Buck going to handle it when he arrives at the hospital? 👀

Will he be in a catatonic state of shock like he was after the shooting? 🤷🏽‍♀️

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Fic Summary: Months after Buck and Eddie were hit by the same lightning strike; they’re still struggling with the aftermath of it.  But before they make their love confessions, they’ll spend time getting to know themselves as individuals first. Eddie learns to enjoy the simple things in life as he participates in activities on his own and with new friends while Buck learns the rest of the 31-year-old deep dark family secret about his conception and birth. Their journey to forever is still a work in progress but once they finally admit they’re in love with each other, everything that follows their love confessions will be cataclysmic.

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Chapter Summaries

Chapter 1 - Eddie makes a new friend while Buck receives devastating news regarding the sperm donation he made for Connor and Kameron.

Chapter 2 - Buck does a lot of research to learn more about the abnormalities found in his red blood cells and Eddie starts a new therapy journey that’s all about him and not the traumas he’s experienced.

Chapter 3 - After more than a month, Buck and Eddie finally spend time together outside of work but it doesn’t end well and they part with a lot of uncertainty regarding their places in each other’s lives.

Chapter 4 - Eddie has a few realizations about his life which causes him to consider moving back to El Paso, TX while Buck continues to be reminded of his past which causes him to take an impromptu road trip across America.

Chapter 5 - Both Buck and Eddie have difficult conversations with their parents and Buck finally learns the truth behind the reason why his mother despised him while Eddie finally tells his mother about the way she tries to control him.

Chapter 6 - More than two weeks after Buck pushed Eddie away after suggesting they needed a break; Eddie decides to try again. Eddie’s there for Buck when he’s at his worst just like Buck was there for him when he was at his worst and he won’t let Buck give up.

Chapter 7 - After Buck’s mental breakdown, Eddie has his back the same way Buck had his when he had his own breakdown more than a year ago.  They share several vulnerable and emotionally intimate moments with one another and they begin to realize their small, sweet and caring gestures matter just as much if not more than any grand gesture ever could because these are the foundations of a long-lasting love relationship.

Chapter 8 - Buck, Eddie and Chris all have their own therapists and during their sessions, they reflect on their pasts while they’re in the present so they can prepare for their future together as a family.

Chapter 9 - Buck and Eddie are there for each other when Buck has to testify as a witness during the trial.  But by the end of it, they’ll both realize their individual and shared traumas are going to keep resurfacing until they talk about them, deal with the fact that they’re in love with one another and face the fact that they can’t live without each other.

Chapter 10 - As Buck and Eddie finally begin to confront their past traumas, they realize how much they need each other to fill in the gaps of their memories.  Additionally, the universe screams at them for what appears to be the one hundredth time so Buck can realize he doesn’t have to ‘find it’ because he already ‘made it’ and Eddie’s reminded tomorrow isn’t promised and he doesn’t have to die alone if he doesn’t want to.

Chapter 11 - A “virga” or dry thunderstorm is in the forecast but once the rain starts, the thunderstorm happening outside won’t be able to match the storm brewing inside between Buck and Eddie.  It’s the universe’s final scream and when the tumultuous winds begin to blow, they’ll have one last chance to hold onto everything they’ve built over the last six years or they’ll lose it all forever.

Chapter 12 - Buck and Eddie have always shared a deep physical attraction and an emotional intimacy that’s unmatched but now that they’re in a relationship, they’re learning how to navigate the romantic intimacy they’ve been waiting for six years to explore. The love they have for each other is a once in a lifetime, soulmate, love of their lives type of love that transcends space and time.

Chapter 13 - While navigating the newness of their romantic relationship, Buck and Eddie take advantage of every moment they spend together. As their individual lives, people from their pasts, time constraints and the possibility of losing each other again make attempts to interrupt and interfere with their journey to forever, they love, care for, support and hold onto each other even tighter to withstand it all.

Chapter 14 - Buck and Eddie can see the lights at the end of the tunnels regarding the results of Buck’s Cancer Screening along with everything else they’re dealing with. But are the lights they see exits to the tunnels or are they headlights on different runaway trains that are speeding towards them in an effort to interrupt their forever?

Chapter 15 - Buck and Eddie have known they were exactly who the other one wanted in a partner since they met six years ago when they agreed to have each other’s backs. They’re in a romantic relationship, they’re both preparing to ask the other one to spend forever with them and by the end of the seventh week into their relationship, together they will plan their most important and greatest adventure for their future.

Chapter 16 - As Buck and Eddie begin to prepare for their marriage ceremony that will take place in Rome, Italy in December 2023, they start planning their first international adventure as a romantic couple. Even though Chris is still the only person they’ve told about their relationship, several people who know them have already witnessed the love they share and as the days continue, others will witness it too.

Chapter 17 - Will be posted soon.

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Read chapters 1-16 are available on AO3.

Continue reading on AO3

Chapter 17 will be posted soon.

[zhaohuis-lost-walnut]

Reading Update

[spoilers up to chapter 183]

BRO, I have been immersed in reading these last few days. I legit only do my homework and read QJJ 😭 I just finished chapter 183 and SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED???

Yes, that’s over 40 chapters since my last post but we don’t need to talk about that part. I’m gonna just ramble for a bit about general things that I adore.

First of all, Shen Zechuan’s squad of people just keeps increasing. I love how so many Qudu characters casually (not casual at all actually, it’s quite traumatic—) make their way to Cizhou and Shen Zechuan collects them like Pokémon. I was so excited when Yu Xiaozai showed up! Yao Wenyu really hurts me though. I honestly really liked Xue Xiuzhuo as an antagonist because he managed to outwit our protagonists on several occasions, but what he did to Yao Wenyu was just too cruel :( The chasing him down AT HAI LIANGYI’S RESTING GROUND? The assassins beating Yao Wenyu and later having him poisoned??? Like, chill out? Even Shen Zechuan ain’t doing all that 😭 And Yao Wenyu’s self talk is just so heart breaking :(((

Okay, now I’m sad. So instead, XIAO FANGXU?!? He’s such a fun character. One aspect I find really interesting about Xiao Chiye is that after he leaves Qudu he mentions several times how he separates his family and the Libei Armored Cavalry. And it seems Xiao Fangxu is the same (though perhaps to a lesser degree since he let Chiye run off for a bit to be with Shen Zechuan in Dunzhou 🤣). There are so many moments where I go “Yep, Chiye is Fangxu’s son”. They’re so silly.

The Xiao family immediately loving Shen Zechuan is so funny too. Lu Yizhi visiting Shen Zechuan’s place in Cizhou was crazy 😭 And her feeling Shen Zechuan out to write to the family was hilarious. I miss Xiao Jiming 😔

Chapter 161 with Xiao Fangxu and Chiye’s horse race was so sweet. I almost cried. They’re both so petty but MAN are the Xiaos romantic 🥹

There are too many things I could write about! This story is just so incredible!

Learning about Bai Cha??? She’s such an incredible character and the way the story slowly showed more and more about her until we’re learned the absolute girl boss she is! The whole Dunzhou trip arc was just perfect from start to finish. I’m truly in awe at how a human being can create a story so incredible.

I’m honestly itching to read ever more as I write this but there’s no way I can leave without mentioning how dang cute Cezhou are 😭😭😭 Everytime they’re together I get butterflies. The way Shen Zechuan can relax around Chiye is sooooo great 😩 Even when Xiao Chiye is (rightfully) upset with Shen Zechuan for not taking care of himself, Shen Zechuan tries to act all cute so he’ll stop being mad. And Shen Zechuan verbally telling Chiye he loves him for the first time had me tearing up 🥺 Chapter 164 in general is so sweet and vulnerable.

Xiao Chiye snitching to Ji Gang in chapter 144 was both silly and cathartic because Shen Zechuan not taking his safety serious is a very real issue! Fei Sheng having to essentially babysit Shen Zechuan is absolute gold 👌

Oh Fei Sheng, my beloved! I care him so hard.

Uh, what else? The fights are really cool. Every time Shen Zechuan pulls up on the battlefield I get so hyped 😤 The fights are choreographed so well! I shouldn’t be suprised but I’m always left in awe by how incredible they are! And the fact that the author isn’t scared to let people get hurt or even lose?!? It makes every blow carry so much weight!

Xiao Chiye vs Hasen had me stressing so bad 😫 And the lasting impact it has on Chiye is phenomenal. Shen Zechuan vs Lei Jingzhe (for the second time lol) was so sick. Shen Zechuan’s monologue gave me chills. And Xiao Chiye “returning” Tantai Hu and the other old Dunzhou garrison troops seriously wrecked me. I love Tantai Hu! I know he’ll make Master proud!!!

I love that we get more insight on Xiao Chiye and Shen Zechuan’s mental states! Shen Zechuan keeps secrets from Xiao Chiye because he doesn’t want to worry him, but Chiye does the same thing >:( I understand why they do it, but it still hurts to read.

Also also Yan Heru is so silly. Though I felt kinda bad when its made clear Shen Zechuan doesn’t like him because a lot of people did die because this kid is kinda crazy 😗 I was more caught up in how eccentric he is that I completely forgot about the whole financially supporting bandits and starving the people for profit stuff (amongst other things). I still can’t help but have a soft spot for him though because he’s so silly? Like, he’s so unserious 🗿

Okay, actual last thing before I log off: I think it’s INSANE that Shen Zechuan is out here calling Xiao Chiye his husband in front of their enemies while Ji Gang still doesn’t know 👁️👄👁️ I don’t think we’ve seen Shen Zechuan even think about telling him 😭 He’s BEEN planning about taking Ji Gang to Dajing but still hasn’t told him (Ji Gang being sus about their relationship in chapter 183 is so funny)

The military stuff is really cool too but I ain’t getting into all that. Just know I deeply appreciate the Qi Zhuyin content 🙂‍↕️💖 Keep it coming 🗣🗣🗣

[aurorafables]

From the Grey, Chapter 7.

“By the way, I'm Nicholas,” I tried to lighten his mood a little. “My friends usually just call me Nick.”

The boy finally stopped and slowly turned towards me. He brushed his hair away from his face with long, thin fingers, revealing dark eyes, pouty pink lips, and the sweetest nose I'd ever seen.

Hi everyone! Here is a new part of the story with sweet moments between the boys 🥰😊 and some angst from the past.

Have a nice week! 🙂

Pairing: Noah Sebastian X Nicholas Ruffilo

Warnings: 18+, Explicit, Angst, Past character death, Suicidal thoughts

Tags: M/M, M/F, Slow burn, Childhood friends, Friends to lovers, Family drama, Band fic, Masturbation, Accidental Voyeurism

Word Count: 4.4k

Cross-posted: AO3

7.

The next morning we had a small breakfast and packed up before we left. I quickly got rid of the rental car at the nearest drop-off point and we drove most of the way in Noah's car. We listened to music, Noah singing Taylor Swift while drumming his tattooed fingers on the steering wheel, and I watched him sleepily out of the corner of my eye, my head resting on the headrest of the seat. It was especially good that I didn't have to drive much, because I didn't sleep well that night. Although I reassured myself that nothing had happened - and this was also confirmed by the fact that Noah showed the same - negative emotions still swirled in me. Guilt that Maya deserves better than me. I'm afraid one wrong word or touch and I'll lose Noah because there's no attraction worth even risking our friendship for. I started whipping myself over and over when I thought about it. I can't act so stupid, I'm a grown man who has been in a serious relationship for almost eight months now, not a stupid little teenager who has no idea about the world. 

“Everything is alright? You're very quiet today," Noah remarked, turning down the radio, keeping his eyes on the road.

“I slept badly,” I answered in a hoarse, sleepy voice, and at least I didn't lie to him with that.

“We will stop at the next gas station. I'll buy you a coffee,” he promised and smiled kindly at me, which I tried to return.

"I might not be the best company today," I said apologetically.

“You don't have to talk to be good company,” he looked at me sideways from under his sunglasses. "It calms me down when you're near me," he added much more quietly.

I pursed my lips, closed my eyes under my sunglasses, and wished he wouldn't be so nice to me all the time. It was as if his comment had fueled that strange feeling in me, which was pleasant, but I had to suppress it as soon as possible, because it would only cause my loss in the long run. 

After a few minutes we pulled into a gas station parking lot, but Noah didn't get out of the car immediately. He unbuckled his seat belt, took a deep breath, and turned to me.

“I would like to apologize for my behavior yesterday,” he began, which immediately made me pay attention to him, and suddenly the dream escaped my eyes. “My morning wasn't the best, and then…” he shook his head, causing his hair to fall into his eyes “and then Karin called me saying she wanted to meet.”

Oh. I didn't expect him to talk about it, even though I could have learned by now that if I gave him enough time, sooner or later he would pour his heart out.

“What did you say to her?” I asked breathlessly.

“I said it's over. Everything, that was between us.”

My mouth twisted into a proud smile.

“I think you made the right decision. You've already finished it once, there would be no point to continue and hurt each other.”

"Yeah…" he said thoughtfully.

I swallowed the thoughts of how badly the girl had affected him, and that he could find a thousand better women than her if he wanted to, because I really didn't really know what kind of mental state he was in, and I felt that it would not be constructive at that moment. 

“If you want to talk about this or anything else, I will be happy to listen to you at any time,”I said instead of my judgmental thoughts. Noah's grateful look made it worth it.

“Thank you. I don't know how to thank you for caring so much about me.”

“For a start a big cappuccino will do,” I joked with him to lighten both of our melancholic moods. Noah smiled but still didn't go. I could see he wanted to speak about something else.

“About what happened in the afternoon… I think it's also due to my fucked up mood.”

I blinked a few times and remembered our conversation two days before when we slept in the same room after stargazing and Noah apologized even then, though he didn't say exactly why. I felt that it would be no different now, but something told me that it would be better for both of us if I didn't mess this up. Besides, I felt equally responsible.

"Yesterday afternoon was particularly good," I said honestly, because no matter how messed up the ending was, we laughed and talked a lot before it, everything was almost the same as before.

Noah pushed his sunglasses on top of his head and scanned my face.

“So isn't that why you're in a bad mood?”

I'm in a bad mood because we almost kissed in the lake, completely attached to each other's bodies? Because I almost cheated on my girlfriend with my best friend? Or because I loved every minute when our bodies touched? Is the reason for this messed up mood that I get into the room, half lying on the floor, because my cock was throbbing so much after hearing his moans that I didn't even have the opportunity to sit on the bed? Or because of all the fucking sexy things my brain was creating and he was the main character in all of them? I have no idea what exactly the question was about.

“I'm tired, I could sleep here in the car, only my neck would hurt,” I answered. “Tomorrow, after a long sleep, everything will be much better.”

I really believed in this, because when I'm rested, it's much easier to cope with any test that life throws at me. Maybe I felt tired and bored, that was just a bad move and I could screw everything up - if I haven't done it yet - but tomorrow, fresh, I will definitely see things in a better light. 

"Okay," Noah agreed thoughtfully, then grabbed his wallet and hopped out of the car. “A cappuccino, as you said. Anything else?” he asked with a smile as he leaned in the door.

“A chocolate chip cookie, please.”  I returned his smile when he nodded. 

He put on his sunglasses and pulled the hood of his hoodie over his head. While he went into the store, I got out to stretch my legs and smoke a cigarette. 

I was already getting back in the car when I saw Noah exit the small shop at the gas station and start heading back, but it seemed I wasn't the only one who noticed. He was stopped by a middle-aged woman with long red hair and a younger girl. I could tell by their body language how excited they were when they started talking. His presence has probably made their day better, but maybe even their whole week. I watched him as he bent down a little so the height difference would not be too disturbing, as he smiled restrainedly, but kindly, and paid attention to them. I felt a pleasant feeling move in my chest because I was in such an advantageous position that I could receive this attention at any time. Noah nodded, then smiled as they took a few selfies, he held the phone with his long arm. He pulled his hoodie up over his forearms, the muscles on which were tense and his dark tattoos glistened in the sunlight. His hair fell forward as they checked to see if the pictures were okay, and I wondered if I had ever felt as much desire for another man as I did for him. The answer was clearly no. 

In high school, we were told a thousand times that we were gay because of our long hair and eccentric style, but I never seriously thought about the possibility, because for me the girls were interesting enough, anyone could say anything. Our friends also looked at us strangely when they found out that I lived with my best friend, but they didn't ask about it too much. Did Noah feel the same way? I remember a long time ago, at a party, he kissed a guy, but it was just a silly, drunken challenge, not a real kiss, and it didn't last more than a few seconds. He always had girlfriends and it never occurred to me that he might even be bisexual. And then there was Noah's mom…who loved to attack our friendship and all the good things that happened to her son.

It all started when two boys started teasing Noah at school, and one of my friends and I listened to it all. They made rude comments about his hair and figure, and when that didn't get enough of an impact and reaction, they started teasing him about having Asian blood in his veins. He was told that it was indeterminate whether he was a boy or a girl, just like in Japanese anime. I think this was the point where even though I hated conflict, I had to step in because I absolutely loved anime. And I didn't understand why you couldn't leave a boy alone who just wanted to write his homework. 

It only took a couple of well-selected sentences from Davis and a few condescending glances from me to make the young boys go away in defeat. They wisely decided that it was pointless to confront the three of us, especially since my friend and I were several years older. We had a fist-bump with Davis, who immediately left for class, and only then did I turn to the boy, who got up from the bench and started packing his things back into his bag. His hair fell into his face as he leaned forward, his movements looking nervous. I've never been the type to initiate acquaintances. I hated big company and could only really open up to a small circle of friends, but… I felt I had to open up to him. Little did I know then that I was making the best decision of my life. 

“By the way, I'm Nicholas,” I tried to lighten his mood a little. “My friends usually just call me Nick.”

The boy finally stopped and slowly turned towards me. He brushed his hair away from his face with long, thin fingers, revealing dark eyes, pouty pink lips, and the sweetest nose I'd ever seen.

"I could have dealt with them alone," he declared instead of introducing himself. I wasn't mad at him though, I knew he was still in passive aggressive defense mode.

“I know,” I answered and smiled cautiously. I didn't want him to feel like I was laughing at him. “But I am desperately collecting friends who like anime.”

With this, I managed to remove some of the storm clouds from his face.

“How many friends do you have like that, Nick?” he asked with interest, tilting his head slightly to the side.

“I hope you will be the first,” I answered honestly, for which I received a bright smile in response.

"Noah," he said, twisting his fingers, turning his gaze to the ground. "I mean, that's my name," he added, laughing nervously, looking up at me again. 

"Noah," I said his name, just to know how it felt. I loved it. 

In the weeks that followed, Noah easily fit into my group of friends. No one really noticed that he was three years younger than us. Even then he was almost as tall as me, and much more mature than his age would have suggested.

The summer holidays were approaching, the students were less and less focused on studying and wanted to stay more and more outdoors. I couldn't wait for the bell to ring from our last class on Friday and it would be the weekend. Not because I wanted to party - I've never been a party animal - but so that I can finally get a good night's sleep and draw as much as I like. I was decorating the edge of my notebook throughout math class, and when the bell finally rang, I was one of the first to get up, threw my things into my bag, said goodbye to the two boys I had been friends with for years, and stepped out into the hallway. Noah was leaning against the railing waiting for me, drinking a can of Coke and smiling when he saw me.

"Thanks for waiting," I told him as we walked out of the building. “This math class was dead boring.”

"I can't say that this was the most exciting day of my life either," he answered, smoothing his shoulder-length brown hair behind his ears. “But maybe it will get better from now on.”

“For sure. It is even more fun to sit in the church and listen to the teacher about nonsense.”

"Brr, don't even mention the church," he said with disgust on his face. I laughed to myself as he wrinkled his freckled nose, pursed his lips, and was visibly sick of even the thought. He said that his grandparents, with whom he lived, were very religious and forced him to participate in church work, even if it’s about repairs or fundraising.

We walked down to the front of the building when a bunch of young boys turned to us and giggled as we passed them. I saw in Noah that he was uncertain for a fleeting moment, but then he kept his head up and walked confidently.

“You shouldn't show off with me,” he remarked when we left the gate. “You must have noticed that I am not the most popular student.”

“Don't think I'm afraid of your classmates in diapers,” I snorted, touching my pockets. I couldn't wait to finally light a cigarette. I found the box with the lighter inside and took out a cigarette. I noticed Noah reach out his hand as well, causing my eyebrows to rise to the center of my forehead.

“What is that?” Noah asked.

“Aren't you too young for that?”

He just rolled his eyes, then grabbed my wrist where I was holding the box and took out a cigarette. He lit it with practiced movements and blew the first puff of smoke into my face, making me roll my eyes. 

“Just because you're older, you don't have to play the adult.”

“Just because I smoke is not an example to be followed,”I retorted, but I couldn't take this conversation seriously either, and by the end we both laughed at each other.

“Don't worry, I already smoked before I met you.”

“Huh,” I squeezed my hand dramatically towards my chest. “Now a huge stone fell from my heart. I was already beginning to think that I had led you into trouble during our short acquaintance.”

“My grandparents won't be coming home until Sunday,” Noah explained as we got to their house. I looked up at the two-story building, which was surrounded by a large, well-kept garden, and nodded approvingly. It was the first time I visited them, only three weeks had passed since we met in the schoolyard.

"I guessed you were a little prince," I said with feigned seriousness. The house was about twice the size of the one I lived in with my parents and four siblings. Noah snorted, but didn't answer anything, he just opened the door with his key, and then we entered the hall one after the other. Even next to the coat hanger, the face of Jesus greeted me on the wall. It seemed that Noah was not exaggerating when he spoke about his grandparents' religiosity. I kicked off my shoes and continued to look around while Noah struggled with his tangled shoelaces.

“Who is she?” I asked, pointing to a beautiful woman in one of the paintings. Her brown hair was at least down to her waist and she wore a blood red cloak over her long dress which she held in her hands at her chest.

"Mary Magdalene," Noah answered as he straightened up. “She…”

"Many people believe that she was Jesus' lover," said a woman's voice behind us, and we both turned on our heels in surprise. "Hello, I'm Noah's mother, Elizabeth," the owner of the voice extended her hand to me with a soft smile on her lips. Her light brown hair was tied back in a bun, her nails were painted bright pink, and she wore a short black dress that showed off her long thighs. She looked barely over thirty, I would never have guessed she was Noah's mother. I would have guessed it was his sister.

“Good afternoon. I'm Nicholas,” I shook her hand politely. Her skin was hot and slightly clammy, her grip strong. Then we both turned to Noah, who was standing with his arms crossed in front of his chest, not moving.

“Don't you welcome your mother?” asked the woman, raising the glass filled with whiskey she was holding to her mouth with a smile.

“Why are you here? “Noah asked, but his voice was barely above a whisper.

“I don't have the right to visit my son?” Since Noah didn't appreciate any reaction, she drained the rest of the drink from her glass and continued: “Your grandmother mentioned that you will be alone. I thought this would be the perfect time to get back together.”

When Noah told me about his bad relationship with his mother, I thought they didn't get along because of some sort of teenage rebellion. I never thought that Noah could act so cold with someone when I got to know him so friendly and kind in the last few weeks. 

I followed him up the stairs with furrowed brows as he started without saying a word to his mother. When we entered his room, he immediately locked the door and collapsed on the bed, broken. 

“I'm sorry, I didn't know she would be here.”

“It's okay,” I reassured him immediately and fell down next to him. "She doesn't seems that bad," I added, but I saw that pained smile on Noah's face that I haven't been able to get out of my head since, and I kept seeing it in my mind as his mother stabbed him in the back over and over again just to see him suffer. 

I stood up and walked over to the bookshelf to look through his manga. He said he would be happy to lend me any of them if I wanted to read them, and I chose two. Afterwards, I sat back next to him and we were talking about school, when my sketchbook, in which I used to draw, came up.

“Shall I show you?” I asked Noah. His face lit up as he nodded, so I reached for the ceiling and pulled my t-shirt over my head. Noah leaned very close to my shoulder, which was decorated with a fresh tattoo. My first tattoo, a beautifully crafted bird wing.

“I want to tattoo my entire arm,” I explained to him, while he touched my skin, as if he wanted to test whether it feels different over the tattoo. - I designed this too, and if I collect the money for it, we will continue. Maybe one day I'll be a tattoo artist, who knows…”

Noah nodded and struggled to break his gaze to look up at me.

“Your drawings are very good, there is no doubt that you have a talent for it,” he said honestly. “I want a tattoo too.” He bit his lip as he thought. Then he slowly pulled up his t-shirt and placed his index finger on one of the small scars on his chest.

“Do you think these could be covered? There was this car accident and… I broke a few ribs, and then in the hospital they put tubes in… here too,” he smoothed a hand over the side of his chest. “Although the doctors said that it will almost completely disappear by the time I grow up, I still want something on it.”

I didn't know that particular accident was so serious that he lost his father and everyone died except him. I had no idea, it had been many months have passed before he told me about that summer day.

 

“They can surely make it disappear,” I answered him, while my gaze involuntarily fell on his ribs, which almost pierced his skin. Noah might have noticed because he quickly readjusted his shirt and wrapped his arms around himself defensively. I hated myself for making him uncomfortable, it was the last thing I wanted. I also put on my t-shirt and smiled at him from under my eyelashes.

“Can I have some tea now?” I referred to his offer from half an hour before. Noah nodded enthusiastically, and while he ran down to the kitchen, I picked up one of the manga and started flipping through the pages. He left the door ajar, so I heard him approach cautiously after five minutes, probably to avoid spilling the contents of the mug on himself. I looked down at the bottom of the page I was reading, noted the page number, and closed the book. Then I heard Noah's mother's voice. His speech was slurred, I could tell even though he was half-whispering.

“Your grandmother must be proud of you for being gay. She must be happy to tell it in church.” The smile immediately melted from my face and I sat frozen on the bed. “Look at me when I talk to you!” Elizabeth didn't even try to suppress her voice.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Noah said quietly. His voice was laced with pleading and fear. My throat tightened. “Please…”

“More about who. Nicholas, if I remember his name correctly. Why would you bring a boy here and shut him up in your room?”

“Nick is my friend.”

“Who would want to be friends with you, baby?” asked the woman almost regretfully. “You are so naive, Noah. Everyone has an ulterior motive.”

My hands were clenched into fists, my blood pressure skyrocketed, and yet I didn't move. I was held back by my good upbringing, by the fact that my parents taught me to be obedient to adults. Later, I regretted a thousand times that I didn't stand by Noah and get him out of that family right away. That place was equal to hell on earth. I heard a door close and Noah finally entered the room. His hands were shaking, the tea between his fingers spilled onto the floor, but his face remained completely emotionless. I jumped off the bed and took the mug from him so he wouldn't drop it. This time, I locked the door and took out a pocket of tissue from my bag. He accepted without a word, wiped his hand, then threw it away and we sat next to each other on the bed.

"If you don't feel like staying, I won't be mad if you go home," he said without looking at me. He knew I heard every word of the conversation. His fingers dug into his thighs and his face went completely pale. I didn't really know what to do in such a situation. I felt uncomfortable, I was angry, but I wanted to help him feel good again. This was the most important thing, because over the weeks I slowly began to become completely addicted to his smile. I put the tea on the table and turned to him.

“Would you like me to go home?” I asked him because I had to know what he wanted.

Noah finally looked up at me. Unshed tears glistened in his eyes, his lips trembled. 

“No. I want you to stay.”

His voice was childish, not the confident teenager I knew from school. I quickly realized that it was just a disguise, but I was relieved to hear his answer, because I would not have liked to leave him alone with that woman.

“Then I'll stay,” I answered and slowly smiled. It took a few seconds for him to return the smile, and even though it didn't quite reach his eyes, I was satisfied with that. “Which anime would you like?” I stood up and started watching the DVDs packed under the TV.

“Choose something. Surprise me,” he replied with a slight challenge in his eyes.

It was the first and last time we went to their place after school. Afterwards, we always ended up at our house, and Noah didn't seem bothered by my loud brother, my hysterical little sisters, or the fact that the hot water kept running out late at night and we were forced to take cold showers if we were immersed in the conversation. If the milk ran out in the morning, he made his porridge with water and didn't complain if we had toast for lunch. I noticed how strange it was when mom or I hugged him. Like he doesn't know what to do with it all and is confused. But it only took a few weeks for all of that to change and he almost started demanding touches. 

Noah walked to the car and turned back to make sure no one was following him before getting in. I followed his approaching steps with half-closed eyes, trying to figure out what had changed. Where was the tipping point when I started finding him attractive. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't figure it out and that only made me more frustrated. Noah got in and handed me the coffee and the paper bag, then pulled the hood off his head. 

“I hope it didn't get too cold,” he said with an apologetic smile.

I tiredly returned his smile and handed the biscuit back to him.

“Half of it is yours. And thank you.”

He didn't argue for a second that I wanted to share the dessert with him. He began to eat the cookie with gusto, while I drank my coffee thoughtfully.

“Noah…we'll be fine, right?” I suddenly asked out of nowhere. My voice sounded so scared that I was surprised by it. 

He looked at me confused, with a small crumb on his mouth that I was tempted to wipe off, but luckily he licked it off before I could move. He swallowed the bite and looked deep into my eyes. 

“Whatever happens, we will always be here for each other. You are the only sure point in my life. Believe me, I will do everything to be your sure point.”

I nodded and closed my eyes again. I think that was enough to make me feel better, if only a little.

[celestiarambles]

Hitmen Have Feelings Too

Hii this is my contribution to JoMarina Week 2024! I'm posting this now because it's actually January 6 here in my country xD

Just a disclaimer, I have never been to a bar nor to India, so what happens in this one-shot may or may not be accurate

I apologize for any mistakes in the chapter. I hope you enjoy! (I actually enjoyed writing this lmao)

JoMarina Week 2024 Day 6 - Bonds

Summary: When Carmen takes some of the Bureau members out for a much-needed break after the disasters in India, Marina and Jonah drunkenly bond with each other, making Marina realize that Jonah wasn’t as bad as she thought he’d be.

Also cross-posted on Ao3: Hitmen Have Feelings Too - celestiamirasol - Criminal Case (Video Game) [Archive of Our Own]

Marina knows how beautiful she is. Her coworkers tell her that everyday, and men would immediately tell her how smitten they are with her even when they just met.

However whenever she looks at the huge scar on her neck caused by the assassination attempt she survived years ago, she would constantly think otherwise.

It’s the only thing that catches her attention whenever she would look at herself in the mirror. No kind of concealer could even cover it up. Screw it. Once she finishes up her makeup, she grabs one of her scarves on her dresser and wraps it around her neck, adjusting every fold to make sure no inch of the scar could be seen.

“Marina!” Carmen knocks on her door. “You ready to go?”

“Just a second!”

After solving a murder in Bollywood, India, Carmen and Athena invited the Bureau for some drinks for them to finally relax after the previous events that transpired recently, but only her, Angela, and Jonah decided to come along with them. Jack wanted to hang out with Lars (even though Lars was busy with his book, The Flashing Light), Ingrid declined due to work, Ripley just simply didn’t want to and Dupont was trying to learn how to play cricket. Elliot wanted to come along, but Carmen didn’t allow him to since he was underage.

When they arrived at a bar in Mumbai (whose people were able to quickly pick themselves up due to the recent flooding), the place was decently packed with people, with performers playing Bollywood music, making its nightlife alive even though the sun was only about to set.

Occasions like this are rare for the Bureau due to the demands of their job, so Marina rarely gets to drink. She doesn’t like drinking on the job, for it makes her even more stressed. But once she gets the chance to, she immediately seizes it. 

“We deserve this, guys.” Athena says as she comes back with Carmen, both setting down various bottles of alcohol on the table. “When I was still a cop in Pacific Bay, we would usually go out and bond with drinks after a major case.”

“I guess we just don’t do it after what happened with the chief back then in Spain…” Carmen sighed, pouring a drink. She then slides it over to Angela. “So Angela, what’s the deal with Lars and that book? Has he finally found that spiritual enlightenment?”

Angela accepts the shot glass. The golden wedding ring shimmering in her finger caught Marina’s attention. “I don’t know, I still haven’t been able to talk any sense into him. Ever since he started reading that book, he’s been raving about the flashing light. At first, I just thought that he meant the bulb in his lab was broken. But then I realized it was the name of the guru’s book!” She quickly downs the shot. “It’s like he’s been indoctrinated!”

Being the psychologist of the team, Marina would usually help and offer advice to her teammates as a friend. However, she couldn’t think of any sensible advice to give somehow. There’s a reason why she chose to specialize in criminal psychology instead of marriage counseling, after all. All she could say was, “Maybe it’s his way of coping after his near death experience?”

“Oh. definitely.”

As the coroner continued to rant about her husband (with the agents trying to butt in with some advice along the way), she noticed how Jonah, the only guy in the group, was only simply intently listening. Or he was probably trying to. His ice cold eyes stared off at the distance, swirling the liquor in his glass before downing it, then would occasionally pour himself another one. He probably doesn’t understand the topic at hand. Why would he? Marina thought. Based on her psychoanalysis back then, hitmen like him aren’t capable of basic human empathy. Would he even be able to understand the concept of love? To her, they’re all psychopaths.

“Well, maybe we can leave early and you and Lars could have a date night together. We have the night off, after all.” Carmen suggested, smiling at her.

 To Marina’s surprise, Jonah suddenly spoke up after being silent the whole time. “Yeah… maybe this time, you can properly communicate your feelings with him. It’s best for you two to open up to each other as a married couple, after all.”

“Well, I understand that the recent occurrences were traumatic to both of us… but I’ve tried my best to communicate with him. He’s been only focusing on that book he’s been reading. He wouldn’t even look at me.” Angela downed another shot. “I just want him to at least talk to me, tell me how he’s feeling…”

“We were all so busy with the recent disasters here in India, he probably hasn't fully understood what he’s feeling, so like what Marina said, turning to the guru is his way of trying to process things. At least try to understand that, and Lars should understand that you’re trying to reach out to him. Understanding’s the key to forgiveness, after all.`` Somehow, Marina could feel that Jonah’s gaze has shifted to her for a different reason. And whatever reason it may be, she didn’t like it.

“Wow Jonah, are you drunk already?” Athena laughed. “I didn’t know you could get so philosophical like that.”

“He has a side like that.” Carmen smirked, taking a sip of her drink.

She didn’t know that Jonah’s presence could annoy her even more. Why the hell did this blockhead decide to even come with us? She downed her drink and grimaced at how the liquor permeated in her throat.

After a few shots with the group, Marina decides that she had enough of Jonah’s existence and separates from them, heading straight to the bar. She called the bartender over, unconsciously twirling her hair. “Could you give me… a drink that could best describe how you think of me?”

During the rare occasions that they get to visit bars, this was Marina’s favorite game to play. She was enthralled by the raw, authentic atmosphere in bars, especially on how people wear their heart on their sleeves after getting drunk, in which they begin to show their real selves. She believes that everyone hides in a facade. And she was interested to know what bartenders would think of her so-called facade.

With a blush on his face, the bartender agreed and got to work, with Marina watching. After mixing and shaking the contents, he then poured a colorful liquid onto a shot glass, then he grabbed a lighter and set the alcohol aflame. “Sweet and feisty, just like you. And with a hint of vodka, too.”

Amused, Marina took a spoon to diffuse the flame. “Is it that obvious?”

“Your Russian accent? Definitely. It makes you hotter, may I add.”

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. Oldest trick in the book. Once the flame was smothered, she downed the drink. She could taste the heat in her mouth, but there was definitely a hint of sweetness to it.

“How is it?” “Do we have a problem, buddy?” Like a menacing guard dog, Jonah approached the bar and glared at the bartender, holding a bottle of whiskey. Intimidated by his rugged look, the bartender immediately scurried over to the next customer.

Great. The psychologist frowned as the weapons expert sat next to her. She looked away from him, refusing any contact with him as possible.

But he insisted. “Hey.”

“Otyebis.” She muttered in Russian.

“So uh… why did you leave us?” His intimidating aura somehow dissipated, like this time he’s the one intimidated by Marina.

“Because I hate your face.” Jonah frowned and set down the bottle of whiskey on the bar counter.  “Well, you never accepted the amulet I tried to give you…”

“That’s because an amulet won’t fix anything.”

“Well… could a drink at least fix something?” He grabbed Marina’s shot glass and filled it with liquor.

“Most definitely not.” She rolled her eyes. “You could’ve poisoned that.”

“Why would I even do that?” “You tried to do it once, maybe you’re here in the Bureau because you’re still out to get me!”

He chuckled in response. “You have quite the creative imagination, sweetheart. I shoot my targets, I don’t poison them. And I told you, I never miss a shot.”

“I remember that. And I also remember you telling me you purposely missed because you thought I was beautiful. What, were your previous targets hideous?”

“I-it’s not that, I swear!” Jonah blushed. “Normally, my targets are ordered to be killed because they’re threats. A danger to society. Take Omar Bahir for example, if I hadn’t killed him, Carmen and Athena would’ve been the ones dead. But you Marina… from the moment I saw you, I had a feeling you didn’t deserve to die. And I was right. You shouldn’t be the one to pay for exposing their crimes.” Unconsciously, Marina picked up the glass of whiskey and took a swig, the memory of her assassination attempt still fresh in her mind. How the bullet flew in the air in less than a second, giving her no time to dodge, and the color of the wintry blue sky in Russia as she laid helpless and bleeding on the Russian snow, too weak to call out for help.

As a psychologist and a criminal profiler, she would know whether a suspect was lying or not, the inner machinations of her mind, and a higher level of understanding and empathy. The Bureau only hires the best, and she is deemed the best in their eyes. But Jonah… she couldn’t see through him. Or maybe it’s because she refuses to.

Are hitmen really capable of having human empathy?

The funky and exotic Bollywood music overpowered the silence of the two as they took turns pouring and drinking their glasses of whiskey. Both of them didn’t know what to say, nor what to do.

Feeling awkward, Jonah scratched his neck. “I know sorry won’t fix what’s done… but I truly am sorry, Marina. I don’t know how to make it up to you.”

Then as if the alcohol began to take complete control of her body, Marina grabbed Jonah’s shot glass and she almost overflowed it with whiskey as she poured it. “You can start by taking a shot for me.”

“What?”

Her lips formed a playful smirk. “Hit or miss.” Jonah shook his head and downed it, some of the liquid spilling on his shirt. “Is that… all you want me to do?” His words were slurring.

“Ha!” The psychologist laughed loudly. “You’re already drunk!” “So are you.” He chuckled lightly to himself.

Suddenly, the alcohol made Marina forget her previous animosity towards Jonah. She didn’t know how long they stayed chatting drunkenly in the bar, but she was surprised at how similar they actually were.

“You actually took Psychology too?!” She was shocked, but her drooping eyes prevented her from expressing it.

Jonah nodded. “I actually planned to go to med school, but then I got enlisted in the army and then my focus just shifted. It actually comes in handy during hostage situations, I was glad I was at least able to finish it.”

Another conversation then opened up once Marina offered to check out the amulet that Jonah wanted to give her so badly. “So this thing symbolizes forgiveness?”

“Uh yeah, just like what that Dupont said.” She smiled. “I’m actually quite interested in cultural trinkets like these. It’s one of the things that I look forward to whenever we go to different places for missions.” “So… does that mean you forgive me?”

The amulet glimmered in her hands as Marina contemplated his question. “...Not until we dance first.” “Wha - hey!” Jonah had little time to process what the psychologist said as she pulled him to the dance floor of the club. She then broke away to shimmy along to the smooth tunes of the trumpets and drums. “C’mon… don’t tell me you don’t know how to dance?”

A smile slowly spread across his face as he awkwardly stepped side to side and bobbed his head to the beat, watching Marina drunkenly dance. Catching his lack of dance moves, Marina shook her head and took his hand once again. “That’s not how you dance…”

She attempted to spin him. Jonah twirled regardless of their height difference, laughing at Marina’s enthusiasm. “...that’s how you dance!” She yelled.

The two then laughed, jumped and swayed along to the music, their playful dance moves drastically clashing with the dramatic and funky mood of the music. Jonah then pulled Marina closer to him. 

While the blood orange sun sunk on the horizon, the air became hot yet invigorating at the same time. Something seemingly put them on a high they can’t back down, and it wasn’t the alcohol.

Then like a magnet touching a metal surface, the two kissed.

It was like they were the only ones there at the bar. Marina closed her eyes, lost in the moment, while Jonah placed his hand on her shoulder, longing to get closer to her. But by accident, he made her scarf slip and her huge scar was now then exposed to the world. To Jonah.

Feeling the hot air turn chilly and breezy, Marina then pulled away to see her scarf on the floor. It made her snap out of the drunken trance she was in.. 

Jonah’s eyes widened at the huge scar, realizing where she got it. “Marina…”

“Get away from me!” She picked up her scarf and then ran away, stumbling a bit. Jonah didn’t know whether to chase after her or not, but he still did, worried that something might happen to her if she got away from his sight.

“Marina, I’m sorry!” “No!” Marina ran outside, where she accidentally bumped into Athena, whose phone was in her ear, looking a bit confused.

Athena lowered her phone and ended the call. “Marina, I was trying to call you -” “Marina, please, I didn’t mean to -” “NO!” Marina grabbed Athena’s hand. “Stay away from me, and never talk to me again!” He then turned to Athena for help, who just sighed. “Carmen and Angela headed out earlier, Angela wanted to try and talk some sense into Lars again… I suggest you sit in the front of the cab later, Jonah.”

Once they were able to haul a cab, Marina was the first to go inside the back seat, trying to distance herself from Jonah as far as possible inside a small cab. Frowning, Jonah did what Athena said and sat in front. 

“So… what did Jonah do?” Athena asked once she was sure that the weapons expert was asleep after a few minutes.

Staring out the window, Marina contemplated how to respond. Both of them were drunk, so she didn’t know whether both of them mutually consented to that kiss or not. She didn’t know (or maybe remember) if they actually enjoyed the kiss. Marina wanted to hate it, but the foggy memories of the things Jonah told her about him, his interests, the guilt in his eyes when he saw her scar…

Is there really something more to Jonah than assassinations and murder?

For a whole week, she’d been thinking about it. Ever since the kiss, Jonah never attempted to approach her again. He would avoid her gaze whenever they’re both in the breakroom while Marina reaches for a bag of tea. He wouldn’t look at her during briefings or emergency meetings with the Bureau either. Whatever eagerness was first there trying to make up with her before was now replaced with hesitance and fright.

A cup of tea in her hand, Marina sighed once again while thinking about Jonah. It felt embarrassing for her to admit he has been on her mind ever since they kissed.

She knew she wasn’t overreacting, so she didn’t need to apologize. Any person would react like that if they ever survived an assassination attempt before. She’d even think it was Stockholm Syndrome given that he held her captive before, but no, she wasn’t like that… 

Her previous animosity towards him turned into curiosity. The previous psychological analysis she conducted towards him was on her desk. It indicated her perception towards him as an aggressive, dangerous individual with volatile instability… previously, she’d immediately thought he wasn’t to be trusted. Her instincts were never wrong, after all… 

However, he refused to kill her. He had principles, he wasn’t easily blinded by the money nor the task at hand. He could’ve chosen to kill her without any further questions, but he chose not to. And somehow, he brought along the guilt of almost killing her all this time.

Maybe there’s a chance I was wrong about him.

Knock, knock. Marina turned to her office door. “Come in!”

The door opened to reveal Athena. It made Marina a bit disappointed, hoping it was Jonah. “Hey, Lars is inviting us to the monastery since he’s going to renew his vows with Angela there. Wanna come?”

“Uh, sure, definitely.” Maybe it’d help her take her mind off of Jonah for a bit.

But it didn’t. As the Bureau watched the happy couple kiss amidst the orange rays of the sunset, it only reminded Marina of their own kiss. And why she chose criminal psychology instead of marriage counseling.

“I am so happy that Angela and Lars have made it through all these hard times, Athena…” She whispered to the agent beside her.

“Definitely. I hope their marriage will keep staying strong.”

“Me too…” She heard Jonah say, who was on Athena’s other side. “Marriage is hard work. It takes guts to forgive…”

“Speaking of forgiveness…” Marina spoke up and turned to Jonah’s direction. This time, there was no alcohol influencing her. It’s simply her own conscience. “Jonah, I've had time to think... about how you disobeyed your orders to kill me… Maybe I should get a better understanding of your side of the story... over some tea?”

“Tea? With me?” Jonah’s eyes widened, the blush evident in his face. “Uh, sure! Just say when.”

She laughed in response, hoping to bond with Jonah, their hearts finally on their sleeves. Without any liquor. “...When.”

[baileys-3]

CHAPTER 20 ONLINE on AO3

So, 5 days of alternating shifts begin this chapter. Let's see how our two deal with it.

Then thanks again to Cookies for beta reading. You are awesome. Because she always has a proofread and not only reads over it quickly, but also makes sure that everything is always true to character. Invaluable.

Then the current status: I started chapter 28 yesterday and am in the middle of it. Somehow everything always turns out to be longer and more detailed than expected. I'm currently at 146,000 words.

Sneak Peak:

Tim's alarm clock rings and, as always, he is immediately wide awake. In his childhood, oversleeping was never an option, and as a soldier, he learned to react to every sound, even in his sleep. Every morning, he goes for an early run, following the same mechanical routine, with only breakfast occasionally varying. On this particular day, Kojo is not there, which means that he finishes earlier than usual.

He sends his sister another quick text to check whether dinner at hers is still on for tonight.

As he checks his phone, he notices some new messages in the group chat with his work friends. He realizes that one of the group admins, Angela, has renamed the group to "Mid-Wilshire Legends". After reading the messages more carefully, he learns that the group is discussing Nolan's birthday present, which happens to be a voucher for a paintball match. Nyla came up with the idea as Nolan's failure in the shooting arena, where he was distracted by a man in a diving suit, still gets teased. Everyone in the group plans to take part in the paintball match and then go to a restaurant together. Probably the only highlight for Nolan, because Tim won’t give him five minutes at the paintball arena. He will shoot him down personally.

The conversation is now all about finding a date when everyone has time. Which is not so easy, with a big group they have. He makes it easy for himself and basically takes Lucy's free dates and simply cross-checks his own calendar before posting the same list. That's that sorted.

Then he writes a quick message to Lucy.

Tim: If I'm on the team with Nolan, I'm out. Don't forget to nap before your shift. Otherwise, I'll have to order T-shirts again.

He looks at his watch and decides there's no point in hanging around at home any longer. He'd rather be at work earlier. Before he leaves the house, he takes another look at his combined dining and living room. He sees the cactus on his dining room table. He is now the proud owner of a plant. Lucy will water it. Or it will die. It's not his problem. He didn't even want it in the first place. He shakes his head and smiles. It's just like Lucy to do something like this. And it's just like him to be unable to say no to her. Comparing him to a cactus ... he has no words.

The day gets super stressful. He receives countless messages requesting him as a supervisor. So many that he can no longer fulfill them all and needs to prioritize. What on earth is going on in this city today?

The most inquiring case was the discovery of drugs during a traffic stop hid den in a bag that contained ready-made chicken. The man who was caught with it was so co-operative – or in other words, scared – that he gave up the dealer right away namely the seller from the roast chicken stall, who was captured quickly after that. Who not only offered his customers chicken, but also drugs. Wrigley was hailed as the hero of the day for conducting a traffic stop. Upon noticing a broken taillight on the car, he immediately became suspicious when he realized that the car did not carry the aroma of roast chicken, which it should have since the bag was on the passenger seat. This led to further investigation and Wrigley's quick thinking eventually uncovered something important. Good job.

Time flies as he rushes from one call to another. He writes a few messages to Lucy during his lunch break, like how the coffee in the break room tastes increasingly strange and that she should bring one from home. But then he is on the road again on his way to another call. At least he's back at the station before Lucy's shift starts. He is sitting at one of the desks reading Wrigley's report. It’s clear to him that Wrigley rarely writes reports like this. Reports about drug possession and intent to sell, so he needs to read the report carefully and can't just skim it through. He needs to make sure, that everything is documented correctly, and the prosecutors can’t refer to any procedural error later.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees someone place something on his desk. It's a coffee mug with the logo of one of his favorite coffee shops. He likes the place because they serve good black coffee. He can't exactly judge the rest because he's never really cared for any other offers there. He only drinks black coffee there. He is a simple man with simple needs, sue him. He looks up and sees Lucy standing next to his desk, already in uniform. Her smile warms his heart. And even more when he thinks about the fact that she took a detour just because of him, as the coffee shop in question is not on the direct route from her apartment complex to the station.

"Hey. How was your day?"

[highwaytothedangerzone502]

Foxtrot Alpha Alpha - Chapter 38

Pairing: Hangman x Female OC

Word Count: 2104

Warnings: Swearing, insinuation of sex

Summary: Hangman learned his lesson a long time ago to never show his true feelings when someone's words or actions hurt him. To do so showed weakness that could be exploited, and Seresin men couldn't show weakness. Of course, there was an exception to every rule, and Jake's always came in the form of women, three in particular: his mom, Juliette Kazansky, and the girl whose name he could no longer bring himself to speak. She was the girl that got away; she was his biggest 'what if' and his biggest regret; she would forever be the ghost that haunted his dreams. Jake believed that's where she'd stay, for he would surely never see her again after what he did.

Or so he thought.

Notes: This is the sequel to India Lima Yankee; I'm using the same callsign for the Female OC as in Ghost Story because I just really like it, but they are different characters; chapters in italics are flashbacks.

Chapter Songs: Exile The Last Time

****

Ghost

When Ghost finally returned to her own apartment later in the day, she ended up going back to Hangman's with a bag of stuff and stayed overnight.

And the next night.

And the night after that.

This happened for the next couple of weeks, but she hardly minded. Ghost had missed having Hangman around, to be able to tell him immediately when something funny happened or when she just needed to be around him because his presence calmed her frayed nerves. They played guitar and sang songs together, and posted them on her Instagram account. Only Jules, Jackie, and Wolfie recognized the new companion in the blurred videos as Hangman, and all of them texted Ghost demanding answers about her new relationship with the Texan aviator. Ghost realized that she and Jake had probably confused their friends and family by covering Taylor Swift's 'Exile' and 'The Last Time,' which weren't exactly happy love songs.

Ghost continued to shield herself from the outside world, ignoring her mom's phone calls and only texting Charlie to declare that she needed space. This was a partial truth. The other truth was that Ghost ached to detach from the chaos around her and spend her days with Hangman in his cozy apartment, relishing the bubble of peace and happiness he brought her before confronting her next challenge.

"What are the plans for tomorrow?" Hangman asked while he and Ghost scrubbed the dishes from dinner. "Should we go for a drive? Head to the beach? Maybe we could visit Princess and-"

"Oh, speaking of Juliette," Ghost remarked, glancing at the buzzing phone on the counter beside her. She answered it and put it on speaker, letting her friend know as such.

"Hey, how are you doing?" Jules's chipper voice sounded forced, causing the two pilots to share a concerned glance.

"I'm good. How are you? You sound like something's wrong," Ghost replied casually in hopes her gut instinct turned out to be incorrect.

"Honestly, I've had better days. Can I ask you a huge favor?"

Hangman turned off the faucet and braced himself on the counter to hear better while Ghost said without hesitation, "Of course. What's going on?"

"Rooster and I are going to head to the hospital after we return home with the dogs because my blood pressure spiked and won't come down. Would you and/or Hangman be able to watch Raptor and Lightning for a few days until we return?"

"Absolutely. We'll finish the dishes, pack our bags, and head over."

"You're both saints. Rooster and I will drop off the keys to the house on the way to the hospital. Also, we have a ton of food, so help yourselves to anything you'd like while we're gone."

"Sounds good. We'll see you in a bit."

Ghost hung up and chewed her lip, mind racing over Juliette's health. Hangman slipped an arm around her waist and kissed the side of her head, saying, "I'll finish up here. You go pack."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, besides—" he nipped her lip playfully— "you have more to pack than I do."

"Yeah, because I don't immediately look like a god rolling out of bed like someone I know."

"That's because you look like Heaven, which I would argue is ultimately more beautiful than a god."

"You really need to get your eyesight checked if you think I look like Heaven in the morning." Ghost patted his cheek and started walking off, but Hangman grabbed her wrist and pulled her to him, pinning her against the counter. His green eyes pierced hers, devouring her soul and breath. He leaned next to her ear, kissed the sensitive spot below it, and whispered huskily, "You look and taste like Heaven to me."

They had somewhere to be, things to do, and Juliette to worry about, but feeling every inch of Hangman against her body, despite having felt him as such every single night since they reconciled, Ghost's mind could focus on one thing, and one thing only.

"Fuck," she breathed before dragging her hand into his hair to pull his head back just enough so she could crash her lips onto his. Hangman reacted instantly. His hands slid down to the backs of her thighs and effortlessly lifted her onto his counter. Ghost had always been curvy and self-conscious of her weight, and she had never had that perfect body like the models and actresses in magazines and Hollywood, but the man before her made all of that doubt disappear.

The doorbell rang, and Ghost groaned in annoyance at the interruption. "Oh, fuck me."

"Ignore it, and I will," Hangman replied between kisses to her chest. Deciding his idea better than answering the door, she obliged and continued the makeout session with her man, knowing it would inevitably lead to more until-

"Hangman? Is Ghost with you?" The voice shattered the passion between the two aviators as Ghost stilled, her eyes locking with Hangman's.

"What's Maverick doing here?" she whispered.

"I don't know," he said, and judging by the crease between his brows, Ghost determined he meant it. "He won't leave until we answer, though. If you don't want to face him-"

"I'm going to have to at some point. I'd rather have support when I do."

"Then let's continue this later." Hangman gently pulled Ghost off the counter, and she took a deep breath to steady herself. Kissing Hangman once more, she tore herself away from him and, plastering on an expression that feigned indifference, opened the door. 

"Hey, Maverick," Ghost greeted. Her voice came out steadier than she expected but also quieter, exposing her true feelings about the situation at hand.

Relief flashed in his misty green eyes. "Hey, Ghost. I, uh... your mom called me. Said you weren't talking to her and wanted me to check on you. Make sure you're alive."

"Honestly, I'm surprised she didn't ask you sooner," Ghost admitted shyly, moving aside. "Would you like to come in?"

Maverick hesitated, then stepped inside, taking in the scene before him: Ghost's shoes next to Hangman's, her jacket hanging on the hook beside his, and Hangman himself still standing behind the kitchen counter where Ghost had left him. She wondered why he remained there but quickly deducted after their brief but intense makeout session that he probably had a particular reason for staying there lest Maverick figure out what activity they'd been engaging in before he arrived.

"Hey, Pops," Hangman said casually, shifting back to the sink and scrubbing the remaining dishes and pans. 

Maverick nodded in acknowledgment. "Hangman. I'm assuming you know about-"

"That my girlfriend is your daughter?" 

A small thrill bubbled in Ghost's chest at the sound of her title to Hangman. She'd been wondering what they were now that they'd crossed that line with each other, had wanted to assume they were dating, but hadn't been able to bring herself to ask the question even after all these years in fear she'd find herself dreaming up false fantasies.

Maverick's head cocked. "You two are dating now? Since when?"

"It only just happened," Ghost said with a shrug, regaining her ability to speak. "Uh, we have to pack, but if you'd like to continue talking, you're welcome to."

"Are you up to it?"

"I don't think I ever will be, so no time like the present. Come on." Ghost motioned for Maverick to follow her, and Hangman said he'd join them shortly. Ghost shot him a knowing grin, which he flipped her off in response when Maverick wasn't looking. Having Jake here, even if they weren't in the same room, brought Ghost a tremendous amount of comfort. 

When they reached the master bedroom, Ghost pulled out her duffel bag from under the bed and began grabbing her clothes from the closet and dresser drawers. An incredibly awkward silence fell over the Captain and Lieutenant, both trying to formulate some sentence to break the tension between them until finally, Ghost quietly asked, "How long have you known?"

"I received confirmation about it around the same time you did, but I'd started suspecting it before then. Your flying in the air reminded me a lot of myself when I was your age, not to mention your age aligned with when your mom and I met in California the second time. When did you-"

"Started wondering the night you found me on the beach. Some of the things you said made me question things, so I had Jackie help me with the investigation."

Maverick sat in the chair in the corner of the room, his eyes swirling with so many emotions that Ghost couldn't determine a single one. And, rather than have the awkward silence envelop them again, Ghost did what she did best in such situations. She rambled. "Outside of you and obviously my mom, no one else knows about my newfound heritage except my sister and Hangman. I'll tell Jules and Rooster at some point, but maybe after she gets out of the hospital."

Maverick stiffened. "Juliette's in the hospital?"

"They're heading there tonight. Depending on how long you stay, you might see them. They're dropping off the keys to their place so Jake and I can watch the dogs." Ghost swallowed the slight pang of jealousy at the relationship between her best friend and her father. She had no right to feel such a thing. Ghost had no idea who Maverick was to her until recently and had had an amazing dad growing up, whereas he'd been like a second father to Juliette since she was a toddler. They would always have a bond that Ghost doubted she'd ever have with him. Still, she wanted one like it. It's not like he had ignored her all these years. Maverick hadn't known about her. Then Ghost realized something, and the question burst from her before she could stop it. "What would you have done? If you'd known about me sooner?"

The Captain hesitated, his mouth opening and closing repeatedly. Ghost regretted asking the question despite being unable to stop it from escaping her lips, but Hangman—whether he knew of his impeccable timing or not—entered the room and said, "Bradshaw and Princess just got home and are packing some stuff before swinging by. They should be here soon."

"Oh, good. I should be done shortly, so we can leave after they do, if not at the same time as them," Ghost replied nonchalantly, praying to whatever gods existed that Hangman wouldn't notice the tears rimming her eyes. If he did, he mercifully refrained from pointing them out. Still, Ghost had to get out of the room, if not simply to catch her breath and steady her racing heart. "I'll be right back. I left my phone in the kitchen."

It was a blatant lie, but Ghost could pass it off as forgetting that she'd put it in her pocket earlier. Enough had happened in the past few minutes to warrant the memory loss of such an insignificant event.

Deep breaths, Annalise. Deep breaths... She repeated the mantra in her head while she walked purposefully to the kitchen, only to sag against the kitchen bar once she rounded the corner and out of sight from Hangman and Maverick, unwilling to let either man see how horribly the whole situation affected her. Ghost hated showing weakness. It was one thing in front of Hangman. At least, now it was. But Maverick... she could see him struggling himself, but Ghost wouldn't let him pity her or, even worse, act on that pity.

Get it together. Stop crying and get your shit together. Juliette and Rooster need you, and the last thing you want to do is make them worry about you again when they should be focused on Juliette's health. Ghost furiously wiped the tears from her cheeks and huffed an annoyed sigh at herself. Easier to be mad at herself than sad. 

After checking her reflection in her phone's camera to ensure any evidence of her mild breakdown was erased, she went to the front door, where her backpack lay nearby.

Ghost had just started bending down when the door flew open. She barely jumped back in time to avoid being struck in the head, but not the calloused hand that firmly grasped her elbow and yanked her to him.

Ghost let out a short scream before the man clapped a hand over her mouth and snarled, "Shut up. This is what you get for not talking to me when I asked."

Ghost's blood ran cold at the words and at the man she now recognized before her.

Kyle.

****

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[ursafootprints]

*eagerly holds up microphone ;D

1, 3, 12, 13, 17, 22, 24, 26, 27, 29, 30

Sldkfjsdf 💖💖💖 THANK YOU FRIEND you're the sean evans to my weeping-while-answering-questions interviewee

1, 12, 24 have all been answered!

3. What’s something you learned about yourself as a writer? Oh, gosh. That I can finish something longer than five chapters? That banking all my oneshot ideas is a great way to focus on a main project but means I will be extremely scattered from having too many WIPs in the aftermath? I feel like I'm much less thoughtful/self-aware about this kind of stuff than a lot of other authors, lmao.

13. What fic was the easiest to write? Cheating because it was by far the shortest, but it happens here every day (and its soon-to-be-posted Part 2, as they were actually originally written as a one-shot, haha.) I finished each scene in one sitting of CLAMP-fuelled brainworms.

For the ones that are on more equal ground wordcount-wise, Pyrite was the easiest! I had a pretty solid idea of what I wanted out of it and didn't struggle overly much with any of the individual elements.

17. What were your go-to writing snacks? Salt & vinegar chips are my favorite snack, but I don't snack while I write! I don't wanna get chipfingers on my keyboard.

22. Share an excerpt from your favorite scene I can't actually pick a favorite from the last two chapters of YNYD (Peter's talks with May? Tony and Peter's final date night before Peter moves for MIT?? the final scene?!), so instead, from Pyrite:

"I accepted that I had no fucking clue what Dad would let you get away with all the way back when you were three and I didn't revert to being an only child after you drew all over his Shelby Cobra with a screwdriver," he said, rolling his eyes at the memory. It's not like he'd at all wanted his baby brother to get slapped into next Tuesday, but— "For all I know you could blow Norman Osborn right in front of him and he'd just compliment your technique." "Tony!" Peter squawked with a peal of horrified laughter, twisting up out of Tony's lap to shove at his shoulder in protest. "'Hmm, excellent work, son,'" Tony intoned in a well-practiced imitation of their father, catching Peter's wrists. "'See how he's working the shaft, Anthony? Now this is how a worthy Stark successor sucks cock.'" "Oh my god," Peter wailed as he struggled against Tony's grip to try and shut him up, beet red and laughing.

Despite being wholly inappropriate, Tony was actually just being a big brother rather than trying to flirt with Peter here, and so this part actually struck me as being weirdly charming as a look into what their sibling relationship could've been like if not for… everything.

26. If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year? Oh finishing YNYD for sure. I've never written anything near that long or complex before (my next-longest work is only 37k vs YNYD's 166k,) much less finished it, and it felt like a massive accomplishment.

If we're talking something more specific to the writing process, coming up with the idea of using Hanahaki as the premise for the wicked love sequel was also super satisfying! I was pretty content with the idea of just letting the first part stand alone as a full-on tragedy, but I did keep rolling the idea of "but what would their relationship look like after that" around in my mind just out of sheer fascination with it.

I didn't think my answer at the time ("they'd get therapy but Tony wouldn't really ever open up to talk about it and things would never really be the same I guess???") would be that interesting to write or read, but landing on "Tony would be forced to talk about it because his son got Hanahaki" was immediately exciting!

27. Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic? I live in a constant state of buying myself a little treat, so I probably did that, but otherwise not really actually!

29. If this were an awards show, who would you thank? Lolll oh god. You and @shivanessa for sure for all the lovely gifts and for being such thoughtful and supportive readers and friends, my sibling for listening to me ramble about my fics, Rome for letting me bounce ideas off of them and being a wonderful friend and cheerleader, allllllll of my regular commenters…!! You guys are what makes being in fandom so fun 💖💖💖

30. What’s something that you want to write in 2024? Lmaoooooooooo

People were sharing their WIPs lists in the Super Starkers server a while back so I threw one together and, well…

…We'll see what happens!!

[celestemagnoliathewriter]

happy first birthday to Cariad, my postwar Remus x Tonks survive AU! 🥳

I wanted to finish this thing in a matter of months and then life got in the way. It's a year later and I'm still not done (but I'm so close to finishing!). So, in honor of Cariad's first birthday, let me tell you about it and gush about my blorbos.

I didn't plan on writing Cariad. I was almost done with Collide, my first fanfic, when a reader asked if there would be a sequel. I thought on it and decided to do it.

I had a LOT of fears going into writing Cariad. Unlike my time-traveling Tonks series, or the time traveling Teddy one, which had a pretty set structure with canon events for me to rely on, Cariad was a brand new endeavor. The central question that guided my plot:

If Remus and Tonks had lived, would they have stayed together?

and, what is the story about, when you strip everything else away?

What makes a life worth living and fighting for?

My quickest answer to the first question was always yes, but not without significant growth and challenges. They got married in wartime and didn't have much time together to be a 'normal' couple. When the big thing is taken away - the war - and the world is being reconstructed around them, what happens next?

The second question has a simple answer: love. Love is worth living and fighting for, including love of self, love of other, and love of community. Cariad addresses all of these things, told in three story "arcs," as I call them.

The first 25 chapters follow the immediate reconstruction of the wizarding world. Remus and Tonks are finding their place in this new society that isn't yet healed. There's grief, there's rebuilding, there's struggle. But most of this is centered on the world around them - how do we rebuild after the war? How do we create a society that's friendly to a family with a lycanthrope? There's love of community here - Remus and Tonks spent all these years fighting for their beliefs in improving the world around them, and now it's here. But it's not easy. Post-war reconstruction is messy and hard. Remus experiences so many disappointments, job setbacks, and Tonks is naive enough to think it'll get better more quickly. She learns that's not how it works, and she's inundated with work and her own ideals. By the time we get to the early 2000s, three years after the war is over, things are better, and their family expands.

The second 25 chapters, the second 'arc' of the story, centers on love of the other. When Remus and Tonks's daughter, Hope, is born, she's born with lycanthropic traits. Not a werewolf, but not 'healthy.' Remus's insecurities, coupled with Tonks's frustrations, lead to a painful separation. Their relationship has been focused on each other, yes, but so much of their energy has been put into the world around them and not necessarily the other. Hope's birth reveals these deep-seated problems that needed to be resolved, and so Remus and Tonks have to fight for their relationship. They had to fight to hold onto each other because committed relationships like this are both hard work and serious play. It was really hard to write some of these chapters, but ultimately, it was very gratifying to put them back together stronger than before.

The last 25 chapters, the third 'arc' of the story, centers on the family, especially the oldest children, Teddy and Hope. Here we're getting into the lesson of loving yourself. Teddy's the eldest and has experienced more prejudice, as a result of being around when the world was not as kind to Remus. His sense of self-worth is tied up in his ability to be a good brother, a good student, and a perfect son. He'll need to learn that he's good because he's Teddy, not because he perfects a role. Hope, having what I'm framing as a chronic illness, has a chip on her shoulder. She wants to prove she's just as good as Teddy and her famous parents, and she'll need to learn she doesn't have to prove anything to anyone. In this third part, we'll see Remus and Tonks settling into parenthood, making mistakes, but the spotlight will go to Teddy and Hope, as they come of age and come to terms with who they are.

At the end of the day, these are the three major plot points of Cariad. Fight for the world around you, so you can make it a better place. Fight for those you love, so you can play and work to build a life together. Fight for yourself, so you can be happy with who you are, as you are, because you're worth it.

It's been hard work to produce this fic, as creating plot points has been a lot of original work. Nevertheless, I've enjoyed writing it, and for those who have read it, I hope you've enjoyed being along with me for the journey.

[miradanii]

MTMTE/LOST LIGHT First Time Read

Short time text text because it's 4am. I had to finish it...The Lost Light was short and I had 4 chapters left. Had heat exhaustion twice in one week, lack of sleep for days but I couldn't help but finish just so I can go back and reread parts I didn't understand/have an excuse to finally look up this comic without massive spoilers.

I had never read a lot of long ass comics. But wow have I just had a wild ride. I think it took maybe two and half months to read this? Maybe more. One of the few things I had difficulty with reading but pushed through because how captivated I was with the story and its insane cast of characters. I have tons of new favorites I will now create powerpoint slides to present to my friends now on how much I've enjoyed my time with them.

I am so thankful for the internet due to these comics being out of print. And my past self just happening to own volume 1 of Dark Cybertron and never donating it despite not fully understanding what it was until this year. I hope these comics get reprinted one day but I guess for now I'll hunt down copies because I think I want to do these comics a service by having physical copies...

Anyways I 100% recommend this series as a first time reader for reading any Transformers comics. It was pretty difficult at first but I got the hang of it for a while. Not sure it helped that I was already familiar with a lot of the characters already like Rodimus, Megatron, ect. ect. ect.

Here's a link to a reddit post about the order for reading MTMTE/Lost Light. Though, when you come to Dark Cybertron it comes it two volumes so you don't have to switch between MTMTE and RID issues. Like I said I have the physical copy for Volume 1 of Dark Cybertron but mistakenly went back to reading MTMTE and had not realized the issues were alternating.

The reddit post mentions it but I was dumb and didn't fully read it. I just kinda kept going to the next page with a jarring lack of information thinking a lot of stuff was happening off screen.

Immediate ending spoiler nonsense thoughts down below:

Yeah the ending note made me tear up. I am in the mist of consuming a lot of Transformers Media before Transformers One comes out...I had decided to read MTMTE because I think I wanted something that I felt when I watched Transformers Prime. More detail in the characters. I think I flipped when I found out Ratchet who I've seen 3 iterations of on tv has a love interest. Megatron and Optimus have like....just...yeah it's gay. Unhinge divorced but never married gay interactions, then there's more gay, then idk I just started learning more and more about it all from just doing research all for a powerpoint party I hosted and because it was my birthday I was able to go up to 45 minutes due to birthday privileges.

Like I can go from liking Megop to MiniMegs? Is that the ship name? Idk it's almost 5am. But it's not even about pairings at this point, I'm going on an insane fucking adventure. I'm reading this shit in a King's Hawaiian parking lot now being part of my core memory. Actually that part does have a pairing. I'm seeing this:

I went through emotional toil in a restaurant parking lot with my friends to see and not understand the shock I'm having after I get out of the car.

I understand the flowers. That's a fuck ton.

I technically got spoiled about who Rung actually was but it had been so long I actually was STILL shocked when I found out at around 3am. Though...I didn't know he fucking died. Guys he fucking died. I think he came back or its one of his children idk man he fucking died and there's a character with a very similar color palette to him in Cyberverse.

On a random note I guess they weren't that close but Im surprised there wasn't a conversation between Nautica and Chromedome about forgetting Skids in a sense of grief. And it just kinda happened to her...Though I am glad she was still prioritizing Velocity.

Okay so Terminus just dies off screen and Megatron never finds out that he gave him the wrong location?? Damn. But I guess it was no hard feelings when he reunited with the Lost Light so that's all fine and dandy.

This is the one of the few stories where I am proud bullshit with no further explanation reunites tragic lovers. This series lets me live. I mean there was a very simple explanation why Tailgate didn't fade away from Cyclonus' arms but when that moment happened I was like yeah fuck it let them be happy. Of course Kaput was gonna go Kaput but rip can't believe it had to get Tailgate involved.

Ah Anode and Lug were cute! I think it took me a bit to warm up to them but I think I start to like characters when they start having fun dynamics with the rest of the cast. Anode and Swerve pranking each other on the shrinking ship with all hell breaking loose with the rest of the Rod Squad is just...yeah that whole chapter was paced so well.

Okay Whirl didn't just win me over, he snatched my heart and made a clock out of it with his lil pincers. I love this fella. He's such a homie. Top 10 in my list of characters with best character growth.

Okay okay...so the ending right...I knew Ratchet died in the end. Or a portion of the end. But it still caught me off guard. Not to mention I thought Tailgate had died in the end too. I mean it was technically true. But still...ouch. I saw the panel with the Rodimus Star and thought it was so dumb. Had no idea that it was so much more impactful than I thought. Legit before knowing the context I thought Rodimus didn't want to give his most inner energon and gave a Rodimus Star instead. Oops.

I've seen panels of Minimus and Megatron interact and had no idea that it was from the final issue.

5:31am

This series has given me a small portion of joy I couldn't feel for the past few months without it. A boost in creativity and expanding a range of wow that's a lot of fucking insane shit that can happen and still be fun huh?

[attentive-dragon]

I'll remember it tomorrow

Thinking about that post I commented on, how a great idea will pop into a writer's head, and they might think "I don't have time to write that down today, but I'll remember it tomorrow." I learned the hard way that this way lies regret: I've lost more great story ideas this way. I've cultivated a habit of writing ideas down as soon as I can when I have them. This often means quickly typing something on my phone's notes app right after getting out of the shower, or recording a voice note in the car. It's a terrible feeling to know you had a really clever way of untying a particular Gordian Knot, or a really fun bit of dialogue, and just can't remember it anymore.

This has had some weird impacts on my writing process. I've already spoken elsewhere about how I finished a book (and was about a third of a way through its sequel) when I realized this wouldn't be book one in my series, but would stand as book four (probably.) So already my writing process is out of order. But: it gets worse than that.

I have my entire series planned out, more or less, all the way through an estimated thirteen books. Some of those books I have detailed outlines for. Some I have a couple paragraph summaries. Some just a sentence or two. But the overall arc of the entire series is something I've known for quite awhile, and some of the major events that will happen along the way are things I've already thought up.

So, sometimes my brain will deliver tidbits of those later stories to me, and I have to write them down immediately. Just the other day, a bit of conversation from what will probably be book 12 or 13 popped into my brain, and I had to write it down. I actually really like this little bit of dialogue, and when I finally (hopefully) get that far in my series, I'll be really excited to finally get to use it.

Because of all of this, the writing "progress" on my series is a bit odd. I keep making little side-trips into later books to add things as they come to me, and it means that later books often have a lot more completed than one might expect, considering I have yet to actually publish my first book in the series:

Book one ("The Yellow Earring") is complete, at 71260 words

Book two ("The Silver Sword") is about halfway done with 44427 words

So far, so good. However:

Book three has 27965 words written

Book four (as mentioned above) is complete with 145943 words (and this one obviously still needs much editing.)

Book five has 34846 words written so far

Book six has 6359 words, because I really needed to get a scene written that WOULD NOT LEAVE MY BRAIN ALONE

Book seven has about a thousand words written

Book eight has 6686 words, again, because the first chapter sat down one day in my brain and refused to leave until I acknowledged it.

And of course, the aforementioned short bit of dialogue that will probably go somewhere in a planned book 12 or 13.

There's a part of me that wants to be frustrated about this: after all, if I've written so many thousands of words in later books, couldn't I have better spent my time writing thousands more words in the book I'm currently working on?

I've learned to silence that frustration and embrace the process. One good example of why this works for me is actually in the book I'm currently working on though. I was still working on book one when a really clever idea came to me for something in book two, and I ended up writing an entire scene. It was months before I had finished book one, and gotten book two to the point where my characters finally arrived at that scene, but once they did, I was able to use that previously written scene skeleton as a framework to carry the story forward. If I hadn't written it down at the time, I may not have remembered what I'd wanted to do there, and there's a good chance what I would have written wouldn't have pleased me so much.

Everything I write will get used, eventually. At least, that's my hope. That scene from Book Two finally getting used seems to support this. I just need to trust that my brain knows what it's doing as it doles out these tidbits of story to me out of order - and I also need to make sure I'm making the time to intentionally write in my current book and not letting myself get carried away with things yet to come.

And maybe more importantly, I need to actually focus on the process of getting Book One published. My brain loves these bits of story, the tales they are all a part of, and the characters living within them. I'd like to think some other folks' brains will as well.