#(as someone who is bi & has a weird relationship with romance) bi/pan & aro is something that can be so personal

[synnthamonsugar]

The world's not ready for my aro-spec headcanon (drifter)

[saccharineomens]

i've been poking at this too long to care how visually appealing it is anymore. My headcanons for the main characters' sexualities, based on canon information! (has no bearing on ships.) Canon speculation below the cut.

marcille (bi): fascinated by romance and loves romance. we only see her show explicit interest in a male (fictional character (General Halleus from the book series she loves)), but i don't think she's fully straight.

falin (aro? ace? lesbian? genderqueer?): falin's only interest in relationships in canon is 'she considered accepting shuro's proposal because she was afraid nobody else would want her, but felt it'd be unfair to him because she had no feelings for him'. i consider whether she's aroace or a lesbian or maybe bi/pan, and she also seems like she might have some genderqueer feelings, based on some of her discomfort with her body and wearing certain types of femme clothing. (Also the fact that she‘s part male dragon.) Since she ends the story going on a journey for herself, it feels like she'll finally get the chance to figure out what she wants.

laios (pan, demi): he hasn't shown explicit interest in men, but similar to marcille, i don't feel he's fully straight. He’s aesthetically attracted to monsters, at the very least, so gender probably doesn’t factor in for him. romance/sex just don’t seem to be much of a high priority to him in general, but he did think his ex-fiance was cute and didn't seem uncomfortable with the idea of marriage (just seemed unhappy with being trapped in his hometown), so i feel like demisexuality fits him well.

About his succubus: He was very noticeably not stopped in his tracks by it like Chilchuck and Marcille, but that could possibly be because it just….looked exactly like Marcille, not an obvious fantasy. He started blushing and stammering heavily when it turned into a monster, which like….this boy is definitely a furry/monsterfucker, if anything, but that doesn’t speak on his attraction to actual humans.

I think it speaks for something that the succubi are able to literally read minds and craft the perfect fantasy for their specific target. And for Laios, it wasn’t just “his friend Marcille”. It was a version of his friend Marcille that wasn’t grossed out by monsters, didn’t think he was weird for wanting to be one, and was able to turn Laios into one. It was a Marcille who understood him at his deepest level that made him become a blushing, stammering mess to rival Chilchuck. Which is why I think he’s Demi, and needs a strong emotional connection with someone before he finds them attractive.

kabru (pan): his special interest is people, and he's bold enough with his sexuality to kiss rin despite not being in a relationship with her. so being pan/bi feels appropriate.

chilchuck (bi): he has a wife, and they were childhood friends, so he's definitely allo. but his comments and behavior towards senshi makes me suspect he might be bi, and just never considered the possibility due to being in a committed relationship.

senshi (gay, ace): this is 90% off of vibes. he keeps to himself in the dungeon and doesn't seem to have any need for social company, he's a complete hermit. Being ace makes sense to me, but so would him just having a low social drive. His succubus was 'a woman he hadn't seen since he was a child', but his journal implies it wasn't a romantic/sexual attraction.

namari (bi/lesbian): she is at the very least attracted to women, given her behavior with kiki, but she does make a point to say that kaka is also attractive to her, and her friends at the bar tease her about Kaka being her “new” boyfriend (implying previous boyfriends).

shuro: the token straight (in love with falin, asked her to marry him). i love you shuro <3 (but i can also see him being into men. there's no evidence to the contrary)

izutsumi: aroace. literally no question. her succubus is her mother.

[zeravmeta]

whining about personal irl introspection stuff

since my friend groups mostly consist of trans peeps it always has kind of wormed its way into my head my own thoughts abt my gender and stuff but like for my whole life ive always been pretty comfortable as a cis dude and like for the most part despite growing up with very traditional parents ive also never really felt pressured to like follow the same gender roles they have like my parents are basically the one foot in the door type where like if for whatever reason hypothetically i come out as trans and gay double whammy them my dad whose a pretty Mans Man type of guy would still love me but i know he'd think that he did something wrong (out of ignorance not malice he would absolutely maul someone if they made fun of me) vs my mom who would also be accepting but it would become the next hot topic of her friend groups gossiping and neither are malicious but ive also seen them make themselves suffer over their own gender roles (men do this v women do this) and like i honestly think the reason i dont put much stock into gender as a concept is because most people focus on the roles aspect of it and even with my best efforts ive never really deprogrammed that out of them but honestly above all else im lazy as hell and wont impose more arbitrary rules like that onto myself so when i say im cis im not cis plus im like cis hasnt touched the personalization settings and forgot the login and ofc this would also bleed into ideas like romance and sexuality with aforementioned roles and when it comes to romance this leads more into my experiences with my asshole brother who would always be bringing girlfriends and bragging about being a sex beast but he could never hold onto a relationship and was always dumped and cheated on multiple times (and with modern context and Adult Brain i know its likely because he was a fucking asshole) while my parents would always argue but theyd also been together for 35+ years and wouldnt trade each other for the world so neither of those would be a good reference point for romance but this one also came down to me Not Really Caring where I wouldn't mind a romantic relationship if it happened and im p sure if I liked the person enough to where said stage of romance would even be happening i would invite it but im also not really agonizing over it and can be pretty comfortable being without a partner and on the sex side of things this one is a little weird because ive also Not Cared about it however i know I do have desire for people so im not ace and when it bleeds so intermittently with the romance aspect i just kind of assumed i was ace for a while in my teens until i learned the Words and Terms and such so i was like oh huh i guess i just dont seek romance and thats not the same as liking other humans physically and on that front i guess im just ok with any type of partner so like with neither of these considerations ever being a factor for gender or presentation esp when im a 6ft behemoth of a guy with a strongman body build and never had any type of body dysphoria with that i was and honestly still am perfectly comfortable just being a cis dude and for the past decade it has literally not changed im here for a good time not a long time

anyways this is a very long winded wordy way of saying that im pretty sure im cis aro and bi/pan because ive never cared about gender never wanted a partner and also i appreciate mens tits and cockenbalsen too much to be straight and this post came about because I was thinking of getting an anime man body pillow cover and was imagining the scandalized looks on my parents faces lol

[thenobleclearlightbulb]

A 6th grader was complaining to me about the boys basketball team going to her team’s game because she said they were trying to be annoy and embarrass them. I told her they were going because their coach told them to and most of them probably have crushes on the girls in class (yeah some might be gay but it’s a Catholic school so most bi/pan kids don’t realize the same gender is an option and based on my old class the ones going to the other genders games were the ones who had crushes on them)

So, she was insistent that they were being annoying on purpose and the girls team was going to get them back by embarrassing them at their game. She said they’re going to make a big poster saying something like ‘Go Team’ to embarrass them…I told her that they’re bad at embarrassing people. So, I said maybe the other girls in her class have crushes on the boys and don’t want to admit liking them. She said they’re weird, I asked because they have crushes, and she said no because they aren’t her type.

I asked her what her type is and she said she didn’t know. I know she’s an avid reader so I asked what fictional characters or actors she has crushes on. Over 15 min, she was only able to come up with one character from Gilmore Girls (either Jess or Jason). So, now I have a suspicion that one of the kids might be aro/acespec although definitely romance favorable since she’s been asking all the kindgarten and first graders who they have a crush on as well as watching 2 of the 5th graders with me who seem to be acting out an enemies to lovers subplot (although my mom and her think she’s too good for him, but he has a good heart although he can be manipulative but he knows better than to try anything with her)

I can only hope that if one day she decides she doesn’t want a relationship, she will remember me telling her brother (and 8 year old who was insistent that at 22 I must be dating someone) that I have not dated anyone and have no plans to date anyone because I have more time to do what I love when I don’t have to focus on an SO

[pluviophile-imagines]

Could I ask what your sexuality headcanons are? I love comparing mine with other peoples’!

Ok second half of this; this is just like. non-students who i Actually have thought about HJBAFV not at all a comprehensive list. Again disclaimer i write all these chars as bi in my fics, also i am bi myself so the vast majority are also bi, and also leaving a lot of these vague so u can imagine ur favorite ship or urself or w/ever

ok lets start this off with Aizawa. I think....... hes another one who's rlly unlabelled, doesnt super care to think it through and define it, but calls himself gay bc his interest in women is very, very rare and it's just way easier to say than explain all that. Definitely do buy into the idea that he had a crush on Oboro in hs but i do NOT buy into the easermic agenda sorry. Definitely not someone who goes looking for dates, but doesn't say no if someone asks him and hes interested (also im not gonna give her a whole section but i saw a hc a while back that the Ms. Joke stuff is literally that shes a lesbian and hes gay and shes fucking with him and i love that so much i just wanted to put it out there)

on the topic of the erasermic agenda: Hizashi's pan and knew it before HS, had a sudden & intense crush on Aizawa for the first month they knew each other and then immediately got over it in favor of a similar sudden, intense, and then immediately fading crush on Midnight. Hizashi and Aizawa r just rlly good friends imo; maybe they messed around for a bit in their twenties but it never went anywhere serious. He dates around a lot, not even necessarily to settle down just to have some fun

Midnight is aro/ace but does get in qprs & gravitates towards women wrt that. Most people dont read vigilantes but theres a woman in that, Kazuho, who i imagine she's been in a long-term qpr with; her relationship with aizawa and hizashi leans a little more towards a qpr than a normal friendship, too, but it's not rlly defined that way

All Might is married to justice queer but v much not interested in relationships. He and that one guy from the first movie are ABSOLUTELY exes and i won't hear otherwise; it's the only relationship he's ever had, and they broke up bc he had to go back to japan. He was heartbroken but did eventually get over him; his lack of romance afterwards is from genuine disinterest and not being hung up on his past. I can see him finding someone else in his later years, after he's retired. Definitely feels like he's not worthy of it tho

Hawks is bi but unfortunately didn't get to figure that out until like Now in the timeline...... if youll let my dabihawks history shine through i think dabi was the reason JHBASFGJHB he was basically brainwashed by the commission to become a hero so he didnt have time to Figure That Shit Out; he knew he was into women bc that was easy & what the commission expected from him but then he started this undercover assignment and met dabi and realized Oh...... Fuck. Hawks is hard tbh, bc i think between the control that the commission has over him and his own convictions as a hero he doesn't pursue any romance (tho he does get crushes or find people attractive) and most of his flings are done to keep up his prettyboy act, not out of genuine interest in being a fuckboy. Can't imagine him having a relationship until well after canon but I do see him being interested eventually

Onto the villains, Shigaraki is unlabelled but probably would call himself queer if asked. Definitely admires women more but isn't very interested in romance; AFO actively encourages him to pursue the things interested in so imo if he were he'd talk abt it more lmfao. I kinda see him as demi as well, not the type to fall immediately but requiring a friendship beforehand; tho unlike Bakugo as i said in my last post I dont think it happens suddenly but rather slowly. Y'all know im a big fan of shigaraki being absolutely whipped for his s/o so i do thing hes a big piner, tho he's also pretty bold and unashamed of his affections. I'm a big fan of him falling for a member of the league or a civilian; definitely can't see him falling for a hero unless the hero was already halfway to turning sides already. I think he's also attracted to intelligence and someone who pushes him to think more abt his ideology...... maybe im just projecting at this point JSHDFBVAJKSHD but my point is that the gender of his partner is definitely the least of what he considers/notices

Dabi is bi and, here's my bold take, demisexual; not interested in sex unless its with someone he loves. Absolutely doesn't even think abt romance for most of the years where he's on his own. He's got revenge to plan. By the time he joins the league that hasn't changed much, and he's demi so he's not interested in sleeping around, plus he rlly denies any attachment to people at all. As I said in that other ask tho I do rlly like the idea of him with Magne, so I think they have a fling for a bit before her death :( it's one of the things that leads him to isolate himself further, unfortunately, even from Jin and the other League members with whom his relationships aren't romantic. I can see him dating someone post-canon bc i think hes gonna be redeemed lol. It could be someone he knew before but they probably didnt date again bc he was v guarded; i think magne was rlly the only person he dated

Magne is pan and heres the kicker: I think shes t4t, which led to a little moment just before she and dabi got together where he was like "she wouldnt be into me :/" but she was into him anyway so all was good. She got around in her circles, mostly casual stuff tho she yearned for something more serious.

Spinner's bi & trends towards women but does occasionally get things for men and they're almost always intense. He thought he was straight for a while even once he joined the league and then suddenly got a crush on Shigaraki (around the time of MVA) and realized otherwise LMFAO he's definitely a hopeless romantic type, the whole mutant prejudice thing makes it rlly hard for him and i can see him being rlly happy with another mutant-type; i feel like as he matures he starts to gravitate towards them

Toga is canonically pan to my understanding, iirc her interest in Uraraka and Deku is the same (and romantic) in canon tho i might be wrong. Poor girl just needs therapy. I like the idea of the two of them becoming her friends over her being involved with them but i totally can get behind her having a thing with Uraraka (and maybe Tsu) at some point post-canon (presuming she gets redeemed), tho I think a qpr between the two/three of them would be longer lasting. And again presuming she gets therapy i can see her settling down with someone, gender irrelevant

Jin is unlabelled bc he hasn't much thought abt it, definitely had a thing for dabi and for hawks which does make me sad on both counts. I think he likes women slightly more abstractly/aesthetically and gets crushes more on men,. The dabi thing fades as they get closer and start to view each other as brothers. In his later years he doesn't rlly care about romance, I think he enjoys the experience of crushing but doesnt like dating people; his found family in the League is far more important to him. But i can see him falling head-over-heels for someone quite suddenly and having a bit of a whirlwind romance. Also someone for whom gender isn't much of a factor

Mr Compress is also queer and also hasn't rlly thought abt it. Definitely leans more towards women; he's like 30 but i like to think he also goes for older partners, 10 or 15 years his senior KJBADSJFHB idk he just has that Vibe with the way he calls himself an old man etc. A lot of the league i cant see sleeping or dating around much, i feel like they prioritize each other, but I do think mr compress gets around more than the others. i can see him having a bit of a fuckbuddy who he catches feelings for

Kurogiri is fun; as Oboro I do think Aizawa's crush was reciprocated, tho he wasn't around long enough for them to act on it :( he's bi, tho kurogiri isn't supposed to have personal interests. I like to imagine the brainwashing isnt as good as AFO wants it to be tho so I like the idea of him falling for someone anyway. I also like the idea of the heroes managing to undo the nomufication and I 100% can see him, aizawa, and someone else (someone he was involved with as Kurogiri) ending up in a triad as a result of aizawa and the third partner helping him through the aftermath of all that shit

Lady Nagant is a manga-only minor character but im in love with her so imma talk abt it. Shes bi and leans VERY heavily towards women, probably spent years questioning whether she was rlly bi or a lesbian before finally having a fling with a guy that she genuinely enjoyed. Has only ever been in long-term relationships with women and I v much think she has a gf at home who stayed even when she was arrested 🥺

Finally imma talk abt Natsuo bc i love that boy. He's one of the few unmarried chars with a love interest and he canonically has a gf. I do see him as IDing straight in canon ngl, but the kind of straight where he might actually be bi but his preference leans so heavily towards women and he grew up in a bad home so he just doesnt rlly think abt it bc hes v happy with women anyway. In shiganatsu thoughts shigaraki is the first man he has a thing for; i rlly can see the two of them in a triad with a woman specifically, who helps the two of them find each other and is the one who initiates bc its definitely a weird situation for natsuo

[alesreadings]

Loveless by Alice Oseman.

4.5 stars.

“Give your friendships the magic you would give a romance. Because they're just as important. Actually, for us, they're way more important.”

This is my first ace/aro book, so, it feels refreshing have a little bit of representation, even if it's not entirely like that (I felt it that way, tho, this is my case) for me. The review is from my POV on this, my feelings and reactions, ok? ok, thanks. Btw, if there's something that can be misunderstood, let me know and I'll change it. Georgia Warr has never been in love or kissed, and she's just 18. But she thinks she'll find a person some day. This is fine, actually, many people haven't had their first kiss in their teen years, and that's totally ok! Look at me, the next month I'll turn 23 and I've never kissed anyone. I used to think that THAT fact it was going to be the end of the world, since my friends were having romances at 15/16 y/o, having their first romantic relationship and their first kisses, and even sex. I had a lot of crushes at that age with many people, but I never thought it was important to have a relationship with someone. And that little fact was something to my ex classmates joke about like for 3/4 years. So, you can imagine how bad I felt for it. That bullying from my ex classmates generated on me a lot of insecurities, because they made me feel like I was a weirdo or a loser for not having kissed anyone by that time. I really believed that there was something wrong with me. At that age, we believe a lot of things that others tell us, so, I was naive and stupid for think that all of those things were true. In high school, had crushes too, but I never had a relationship because people only think in one thing (in my country, sadly is like that): sex. Back in my old school, I had a traumatic event that made me make sure about my sexuality, even if by that age I didn't know anything about it. So, in high school, I just had crushes, but didn't know what was that lack of sex desire toward the others. I never told this to anyone, because my ex "friends" really let me down making me believe that, indeed, I was a weirdo for not having pair or my first kiss yet. In the university, things changed. I made one year in History and I met the most beautiful and amazing girl on my French class. She's bi and her mind is so open and she's smart. I fell for her, we talked but I never confessed to her my feelings (yes, I'm a coward and I hate me for this). When I changed to my actual career, literature, I met one of my best friends. She's pan and once, while we talked with my other friends, she asked us who we fancied, I said: "no one", with fear believing that I was gonna be rejected or they were gonna laugh of me. My friend smiled at me and said "oh, you're asexual". I've heard that term before, but I didn't know what it meant, so I asked her if she could please explain me. She explained me a lot about the ace spectrums and I cried in front of my friends for two reasons: 1) they weren't judging me for haven't had a pair or my first kiss yet, and 2) because I finally had a name for my sexuality and I didn't feel entirely alone. My friends were and are very supportive with me and they mean the world to me. So, yes, I agree with that: friends mean a lot, even more when they're the correct ones. I've had a hard time accepting myself, I've struggled for years with myself, who I am and it's been a long process. I haven't come out to my family for many reasons, but mainly because they're very mind-closed and that scares me. I told my bestfriend (ex bestfriend by now) that I'm ace. And he laughed at me, when I explained him what it was asexuality, he said that it's an excuse for not having sex or pair before (he was in love with me and I rejected him like 6 years ago, lmao). That of course that made me feel like shit. But I realized that there's NOTHING wrong with me, that people will not always understand and that's ok, but I'm getting away from them. For years, I struggled so bad trying to accept me, to love me, because I had dark years when I hated me so much. I was in a dark place for so long, but when I finally accepted me for who I am, I naturally cried like a baby, but I felt proud of myself. It's a

big fucking step, but I'm no longer afraid of me. Yes, I'm still afraid of some people the whole time, but this is me trying. (please, get the taylor reference) This book having one of its main plots in friends touched me so bad. I wish I had those friends when I was 15 to 19 years, to encourage me, to support me and tell me that things were gonna be ok. I had found those friends now, and I look back to my old me and I don't feel pity or sadness anymore. Of course, I keep crying because I feel like I've waisted my life, or like future is uncertain and it scares me as fuck. But I'm proud of me, and no one can make me feel like I'm not worth it or like I'm weird. "My future still terrified me. But everything seemed a little brighter when my best friends were around." I still wanna fall in love, have a romantic relationship and feel those things, u know? Even if I feel like I won't gonna find someone who accepts me for who I am, and that shit is scaring. So, yes, I enjoyed this book, even if I wanted to kick Georgia so bad for many things and cry for others. Maybe nobody has told you this today, or you needed to read it/hear it, but: You are loved, you are valid, you are so fucking perfect the way you are. Never doubt about it. If you are struggling with so many things, take a break and breathe, take a deep breathe, cry, jump, laugh, do whatever you want, but you know what? You are gonna be ok. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but you will, and when you look back, you will feel proud of yourself and you'll smile so bright like the sun. It's a bad moment, not a bad life. And yes, please, never forget this. And just like Bruno Mars said: 'cause, hey, you're amazing, just the way you are. :) Also, Pip's mom is my heroine. She lived in Colombia and Manuel in London, and when Manuel went to visit his grandma, they met and fell in love. And they moved to LonDON. OH MY FUCKING GOD, I NEED THAT, PLEASE, TAKE ME OUT OF THIS COUNTRY, I'M SOBBING. "The I am loveless mood has just gone." "Neither of us were alone in this." There was something that it seemed a little bit out of line there. Not all aces are sex-repulsed. Idk if I'm the only one who understood that. But there are other aces who are not sex-repulsed. It's not wrong tho, it just gave me that impression. Also, a mention for tmm gang, they're the best people i've ever met, i love them with my life and i'm very thankful for calling them my friends. :') guys, if you see this, you know who are you, demons and angels <3

[certainempatheticturkeymuffin]

LGBTQ Headcanons

Hi, I’m jumping on the bandwagon, I have solid headcanons for a few of the group, but finally mapping them all out will be great.

Sky: Cassgender, Demiromantic/Gynesexual, He/Him This is mostly because I don’t see him putting much thought into gender, and he just goes with the flow, he’s used to He/Him, but won’t complain if other pronouns are used. He’s only attracted to women, but it does take him a long time to actually fall in love, it’s why Sun is really the only one who’s ever captured his heart.

Four: Aro/Ace, They/Them Because Four is a literal mess of genders and romantic orientations they default to AroAce, because anything else is just weird when they’re all shoved into the same body and they’re all ace anyway. They/them pronouns mostly work for everyone, so they’re a somewhat stable person when fused. Here are the headcanons for each color:

Green: Male, Hetero/Apothi, He/Him Green is your standard straight cis male, but he’s also apothisexual, which is just an extreme version of asexuality that means he is actually repulsed by sex, not just lacking sexual attraction. He’s usually the white bread of my headcanons, but he’s got a crush on Dot so I usually run with that. He doesn’t like they/them pronouns, but he’s gotten used to them so he can make his siblings more comfortable when they’re stuck as Four.

Red: Demiboy, Bellus/Ace, He/Him, They/Them Red is, as usual, a cinnamon roll. He’s just standard asexual, feeling no sexual attraction, and he does enjoy traditionally romantic things like cuddling and kissing, but not in the context of a romantic relationship (hence Bellusromantic). He uses he/him and they/them, but some days he will have a preference and he won’t be shy about correcting you.

Blue: MtF, Aro/Ace, She/Her And you wonder why Blue is always angry. She can live with They/Them pronouns, but absolutely prefers she/her. I tend to flip flop between making her a demigirl or full on female in the context of my stories, but in headcanon form, she’s always a trans-woman. Poor Blue is always suffering since she can’t yell at people to use she/her when she’s stuck inside Four’s body.

Vio: Demigirl, Demi/Apothi, They/Them, She/Her Vio prefers they/them pronouns, but won’t object to she/her. They don’t necessarily take a long time to fall for someone, but you need to have a really deep friendship with them, no matter how long it takes. Unfortunately for Vio, they fell for Shadow and still haven’t really gotten over the heartbreak even though they knew it wouldn’t end well the moment they realized what was happening.

All in all, Four is just a mess. Especially Blue, because oops i made her suffer.

Time: Male, Demi, He/Him Hey, a cis guy. I make him full on Demi because why not, and also him and Malon don’t have children yet which could be considered odd depending on the time period. Normally you’re supposed to have kids like immediately, and both Time and Malon look to be in their mid twenties, which isn’t old by modern means, but definitely was in ye olden days.

Legend: Genderfluid, Bi, He/Him, She/Her, They/Them Pronouns change from moment to moment. They’re solidly bi, and despite leaning more towards women, Ravio managed to capture his heart and they have already gotten married-for tax purposes, of course ;)

Hyrule: Agender, Aro/Ace, He/Him Poor Hyrule didn’t even know what gender was until it was explained to him. He’s too used to He/Him pronouns for anything else to feel normal, so he just goes with it. He also didn’t understand the whole romance thing until he saw Time and Malon. To be honest, he still doesn’t understand the whole romance thing. The woes of being aroace.

Twilight: Male, Demi/Hetero, He/Him Look, another cis! He was good friends with Midna, and it wasn’t until near the end of the journey that he actually fell in love with her. He’s dealing with it rather well, but he’s still salty that his heart would betray him like that.

Wind: FtM, Pan/Ace, He/Him He hasn’t told any of the group that he’s trans, mostly because he doesn’t want them to think of him any differently, even if logically he knows Four is kind of going through the same thing. Tetra’s Crew all know and vehemently defend him when others try to misgender him. Aryll loves her big brother and will also jump to his defense, and Wind is just happy he has such a supportive grandmother, because puberty hit him like a truck and he hated it because it was all wrong. The moment he had a breakdown because of his period was the moment his grandmother knew that she needed to do something because she wasn’t going to allow her grandson to suffer because of her inaction.

Warriors: Male, Bi, He/Him He keeps it on the downlow, mostly because he has horrible taste in men: namely, they’re usually the bad guys, like Girahim, or super fucking weird, like Girahim. He was very conflicted over it and has never brought it up, even if he’s sure Fi has told Sky because it was Girahim. Not to mention he found Volga hot and he’s had a crisis to this day, because which villain will he fall for next, Zant!?

Wild: Bigender, Aro/Apothi, He/Him, She/Her Wild didn’t think anything of it when he actually enjoyed parading around Gerudo Town as a woman. He didn’t think anything of it when he felt only mild disgust when he was told that Mipha loved him. And he felt bad but also a little grossed out when he had to reject Zelda. He genuinely didn’t think anything of it until Teba explained that it wasn’t exactly normal to not ever want a mate. And he was a little embarrassed when Riju explained that no, men usually didn’t take active joy in parading around as a woman. Still, he has a free pass into Gerudo Town now, so he’s good!

And there we have it: Sky’s apathetic about gender and also really in love with Sun, Four’s a mess, Time loves Malon, Legend is pure bi energy, Hyrule is a confused bean, Twilight is salty, Wind is happy now, Warriors has terrible taste in men, and Wild is also another mildly confused bean. 

And yes, I shoved as much ace representation in there because Asexuals Need Good Representation and Asexuals Are Part Of The LGBTQ Community.

oh right!

Linkle: MtF, Lesbian, She/Her We need a lesbian on the team, and trans representation while we’re at it? Awesome! And also, her grandmother telling her that she’s the legendary hero when all the heroes are known to be men makes a lot more sense if her grandmother mistook her for a boy when she was younger.

[smollandtoll]

HC: 5Hole

TW: this headcanon mentions other people in the NHL including certain Blackhawks and Capitals you might not want to read about. You can skip this one and won’t hurt our feelings OR just read until you get to the section divider that indicates the rest of our HC that doesn’t particularly involve just Sid/Geno.

Have you ever listened to Ariana Grande in the shower and immediately come out with an entire head canon about a Gay Hockey Bar called 5Hole? No? Just me?

So imagine Mario owns this establishment of course and Sid works there as a bartender. He’s perpetually single, mostly because he is super awkward, but also a little because his lower half is always behind the bar. There’s also the fact that he’s hopelessly in love with a regular named Geno and no one wants to get in the middle of whatever epic romance they’re figuring out together.

Geno’s story goes something like: he tried to work at 5hole, but was literally always late, and drank too much while on shift, and was generally the worst bartender because he'd get distracted flirting with patrons instead of y'know working. So he turned into a regular, and is ALWAYS dating someone new/constantly with a boyfriend. Cue Sid being like terribly in love with him from afar for 8 years.

We love a pining Sid - meanwhile Geno’s like, “Sid's good friend! Very cute boy. Weird little bit, but fun to chirp. Flirt with Sid all the time. He never show any interest.” See why no one wants to get in the middle of that? Besides you never know if Sid’s going to do something to one of Geno’s date’s drinks. Like he hasn’t so far, because he’s Sid, but sometimes he looks long and hard at the way they giggle up at Geno from under his arm and takes a really long time to set their drink down on the bar. Anyway Geno's busy having a great time and being young and a mess and missing his family so fiercely he doesn't even think his heart is capable of love any more it's so broken, y’know casual. So he's not looking, not even thinking to look back at Sid because sometimes someone just doesn’t register as a prospect.

Meanwhile Geno is like so scary to Sid, like he's so bright and bold and fearless and like he's got so much drama, with all the people in his life and like the on again off again friendship with Ovi and all the other shit, the Russian politics, the constant internal struggle against self-hatred. He’s always in and out of the bar, always laughing brightly at someone pretty or giving his friends shit and then turning his smile on Sid, and Sid just can’t help but be so drawn to him. Geno is so much, and Sid is so little, he doesn’t think he could compare at all, he doesn’t have deep thoughts or an interesting background, he’s not sexy or silly or fun or any of the other things Geno seems to look for in a date.  

He definitely wouldn't know what to do even if some miracle happened and he managed to capture Geno’s affection and attention. To always have the weight of Geno's gaze and possessiveness on him? Like it'd be so nice, but also when he flirts even just a little, Sid always FREEZES. It's been years and he still doesn't know how to handle it. So he’s writing himself off.

But other than the Geno drama, Sid actually really likes being a bartender. It suits him because he can’t flirt (that well) but he can quickly and efficiently prepare drinks when it’s busy af and it’s easy for him to stay low-key and focused. He’s actually the best, he's quick, his eyes never miss anything (he's definitely caught a few doctored drinks), he remembers an infinite amount of orders, he's clean, he's no nonsense, and he's pretty enough to make really decent tips when he smiles even if he can’t flirt worth a damn.

Mario is definitely grooming him to take the bar over - sending him to business school, letting him stay with him indefinitely (this is definitely one of those stories where Sid was like wayward, but not in a terrible way, just a little at loose ends and in need of a decent paying job and Mario swoops in with all the experience and convenient answers). (At this point we got deeply excited by possibilities of other people in this universe and our adorable Sid/Geno plot went off the rails. We just have so many faves, guys!)

Other things about the bar/patrons (stop reading here if you don’t want other people):

Mario is one of those old gays that realized late in life that they COULD be gay, like long after they had a wife and four kids and a career and things. Mario's “one that got away” was probably Gretzky (like, okay, in retrospect, I was in love with him and very in denial about it) and Jagr was probably a young coworker that got along well with him and occasionally experienced a tension-laden moment at a conference or two after a few drinks and was DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH HIM despite Mario explicitly saying "BACK OFF I'M VERY HETERO AND HAVE A WIFE AND BABIES I LOVE." But you know how it is when someone is in so much denial about who they actually are, and Jagr knew, he KNEW. But he also wasn’t self sacrificing enough to stick around waiting only to get burnt over and over while Mario always prioritised his wife.

Basically in this universe, NHL = gay(/bi/pan/poly/aro/ace/various other QUILTBAG abbreviations/occasionally straight because they can’t ALL be gay but like just most of them!). There are a lot of regulars at this bar, and they float in little interest groups and cliques depending on who is dating who and who has what in common - you know like real life. Here are some of the groups and what we think about them.

Jonathan Toews is the other bartender who works in tandem with Sid, because we just imagine this being a super Canadian bar. Jonny is hot and serious and deadpan and if Sid’s the shy (but incredibly competent) one with a great smile then Jonny is the intimidatingly tall and hot one. Regular bar patrons occasionally give guys the DL on the Sid <3 Geno situation - if someone is interested in wooing Geno feel free to hit on him, make out with him, but they usually get warned to grab their drinks from Tazer.  

Patrick Kane is one of those self hating gay dudes who comes to the bar to pick up and fuck in the bathroom and then goes back to saying f slurs with his finance bros. He’s probably very angsty and Tazer probably serves him a lot of water and stern looks.

Jamie Benn is one of those gay boys that has no style and doesn't know how to be gay at all. Sid feels for him deeply when he first starts coming in with just the solidarity of his straight brother who kind of abandons him to hustle at pool and watch hockey (hockey is always playing at 5Hole). Tyler Seguin probably swoops in early, takes him for haircuts and makeovers and long late-night heart-to-hearts they pretend are just bro-chats but no one is surprised when it turns out they’re secretly in love with each other.

Flower and Tanger are in some kind of open or poly relationship. As far as Sid can tell, Flower is married to a woman, but a couple times a month he and Tanger come to 5Hole and Tanger goes off to pick up a third guy for Flower’s inspection while Flower shoots the shit with Sid at the bar.

Phil Kessel genuinely comes in for the beer and the hockey and to not hear gay slurs while enjoying them. At first Sid thought maybe he was in the wrong bar and tried to warn him they weren’t a normal hockey bar, but Phil didn’t even look up from the beer menu and scathingly told Sid that he didn’t have his rainbow ID card with him that day, his apologies. After a while they all got used to him being gruff at the bar, focused on the TV more than the company, but still getting hit on relentlessly by like Hags. Phil usually tells him "SURE KID WHATEVER. YOU'RE TOO PRETTY FOR THE LIKES OF ME, MOVE ON." But Hags likes him, and thinks he’s cute and is slowly eroding Phil’s disbelief. Phil deserves love too.

Whenever Hags feels like he’s starting to cross the border into being harassing however it’s okay, he pays for Phil’s drink and then retreats to the corner that is occupied by mostly blonde swedes. Taken into Horny’s open (usually bare and glistening) arms, hair ruffled by Erik Karlsson.

The rest of the Swedes are a small contingent and insanely hot. They usually all break into their individual cliques and return every so often to Nicklas Backstrom’s table where he watches over them all with a stony expression of love, and makes sure the babies don’t get drugged (looking at you Willy Nylander).

There is a similar table of Loud Hot Russians, that is mostly lead by Ovi, and, depending on where their on and off friendship is at, Geno. But obviously Ovi is always like "SID! NICKY HERE?" literally any time he comes in. Ovi is just SMITTEN from the beginning, loving that beautiful impassive man, seeing the WARMTH WITHIN NICKY knowing he NEEDS OVI'S JOVIAL NATURE IN HIS LIFE. Whenever he can say something that gets Nicky to smile it’s 100% worth all his scathing looks and comments and he drunkenly pledges that he’s going to spend the rest of his life trying to make Nicky smile as much as possible. Nicky thinks he’s certifiably insane, but eventually caves and starts hesitantly dating him, and they are definitely instantly the new old married couple at the bar. And then all the Russians and Swedes get strangely intermixed a lot. Geno and Horny being brothers etc.

The Bi Guy club is mostly just Tyler Seguin, Paul Bissonnette talking shit and giggling in a corner and occasionally leaving 5Hole to pick up down the street at the straight club.

IF ANYONE was gonna be part of the drag act that comes in on the first Friday of the month it'd be PK and his Predators. Roman Josi in drag would be so beautiful. Baby gays Kevin and Juuse, longtime queens Pekka and Shea (#denial). Those Preds are so pretty.

Johnny Hockey would be that twinky kid who is like actually maybe too afraid to have sex yet but acting all mature and like he can handle it but he's sEEN SOME FUCKED UP PORN, HE KNOWS ASSHOLES CAN JUST RIP AND HE'S SMALL he's just ANXIOUS. It doesn’t help that he’s deeply hung up on Sean Monahan who runs in the Fuck Boy circle with Tyler Seguin, Tom Wilson, Michael Latta, and Brady Skjei. He is afeared. It’s okay though, Jeff Skinner, and Beau Bennet comfort him and take in Mitch Marner when he wanders in on his 18th birthday.

There’s definitely a kind of low self-esteem but thicc as hell club? President Tyson Barrie, VP Nate Mac, Treasurer Jamie Benn. THEY ARE ALL SO SHY AND WEIRD BUT SO JACKED AND FUNNY??? Gabe's gotta always be tagging along with them because he thinks he fits right in, not because he's ugly or they're ugly but because he thinks they are all smart and funny. And also Tyson is super cute and he is INTO IT. But it like PEEVES Tyson like no other because GABE DOES NOT BELONG.

Tyson: Why does he not spend all his time with the hot swedes, he gets to be hot AND FUNNY. RUDE. Gabe doesn't know how to stay in HIS LANE. THERE IS SUCH THING AS TOO PERFECT GABRIEL. LOOK GABE, GO BACK TO YOUR HOMELAND, LOOK, THAT ONE WHO LOOKS LIKE A PIRATE PROBABLY IS MISSING YOU. 

Gabe just exchanges looks with Nate and buys Tyson a very sugary drink (basically anything that ends in -tini) and smiles at him a lot to see him turn increasingly fluorescent shades of red.

Tom Wilson and Michael Latta despite their best intentions as part of the Fuck Boy clique are those guys who have been in a high school sweethearts level committed relationship for EVER AND EVER and everyone is like "maybe you should play the field" and they're like ....I don't think I need to. Because they have everything they need in their meathead bro! Solid sports understanding? Companionship? Twice the wardrobe? A+ blowies??? Done, done and done.

There is also the older distinguished extremely handsome gentleman's society aka Henrik Lundquist and Patrick Sharp. They’re biding their time, eyeing up future Gabe and Holtby. Ovi occasionally tries to set up shop with them and they're like "Good try, you might be silver but you're still like 28."

Thennn idk probably plot would happen like Geno would start dating someone and drama would occur and someone would have to force Sid to talk about his feelings and Geno would realise that he could have had Sid all along BECAUSE WE NEED LOVE. 

5HOLE!

[squirenonny]

Hey, I got caught up in the periphery of some tumblr drama and ended up running into some aphobic stuff. Do you have any aro or ace headcanons for Team Voltron (and friends)?

D: I’m so sorry to hear that. I’ve run across some aphobic stuff myself lately, so it was very cathartic to get to write these headcanons. I hope they make you smile, as well. Because good news! All the paladins are ace/aro-spec. All of them.

Pidge – Aro/Ace

The Oblivious!Ace. Literally does not consider sexual/romantic attraction as a viable explanation for someone’s action until well after everyone else around figured it out

Didn’t realize Shiro and Matt have been dating since before the Kerberos mission

“Pidge, you literally walked in on us watching rom coms together.”

“Anyone can like rom coms.”

“I was sitting in Shiro’s lap. We were sharing a blanket!”

“I thought you were cold!”

Is super cuddly, but has learned that being cuddly, especially with boys, is a Romance Thing and so mostly only does it with family. Loves that Hunk will hug literally anyone, no strings attached, and was ecstatic when Lance immediately took the cuddles as a Sibling Thing instead of anything else.

Mildly sex repulsed, but super supportive of whatever sex life anyone else wants to have, so turns into an awkward vague-support monster.

*buries face in hands* “Guys, I love you and I support you and I want you to be happy, but please just don’t ever tell me. Anything. At all.”

“We weren’t planning on it??”

“Cool. Be safe or whatever.”

“Pidge!”

*puts on headphones and Does Not Think about whatever may or may not be happening*

All the Ace Puns. All the Aro Puns. Unironically into the cake jokes, and uses the “sounds fake but okay” line on anyone who starts getting sappy about their S.O.

Loudly and repeated points out that the Green Lion is already aro colors (green, gray, black, and yellow). Painted Green’s claws and tail in the black/gray/white/purple stripes of the ace flag.

The original Space Ace

Hunk – Pan/Demi (+polyamorous)

Used to think he was 100% ace/aro because he’s never dated and never really wanted to. Kinda started to develop a crush on Lance leading up to the start of the show, but it never went anywhere, and Hunk wasn’t inclined to push it

Was mad that everyone else was teasing him about Shay because he legitimately didn’t feel anything romantic toward her.

It’s like three months later after they’ve been space-Skyping nonstop that he sits back and realizes, wait….

Not really sure what to do with any of his feelings, completely flustered by everything, and it only gets worse after the Weblum incident when he realizes, oh, wow, hi Keith. Hi. I guess this is a Thing now.

Used to go to Pidge about ace/aro stuff until the two of them slowly realized that Pidge doesn’t have the context to help him figure out anything. So he’s in completely over his head and trying to figure out how anyone does?? Anything???

There are apparently rules for dating and people apparently know how to get from crushing to dating, but Hunk does not know any of this and it’s frustrating as heck

Cue lots of moaning into a pillow while Pidge pats his foot sympathetically but offers no real advice.

Shiro – Gray-Asexual/Biromantic

Shiro has always been on the ace spectrum, and found the ace community a few years before Kerberos, but has a hard time pin-pointing where on the spectrum he falls.

Was largely sex-neutral (wouldn’t instigate things for his own sake, but would follow his partners’ lead and/or do stuff for their sake)

His perception of “what is sexual attraction” vs. “what is romantic attraction making me want to do something I know they like” is very cloudy, and it’s only made worse because he’s at least 90% sure he has experienced some degree of sexual attraction where Matt’s involved, just… not consistently or predictably

It’s confusing

After his year of imprisonment he has a hard time with intimacy, especially physical intimacy

It’s a very complicated issue—part of it is that he’s self-conscious about his scars and doesn’t like taking off his shirt where anyone can see. Part of it is that if he’s in the wrong headspace, any kind of touch is stressful, painful, and/or panic-inducing, and it certainly doesn’t turn him on.

Reluctant to identify as a-spec now because so much of it is tied up in his PTSD. Generally tries not to think about it, except to be grateful that there’s no pressing need to address these particular questions

After they find Matt, he and Shiro have a long talk about it, and they agree to be non-physical for the time being.

Doing romantic but non-sexual things (fully-clothed cuddles, holding hands, long late-night conversations, making dinner together, star-gazing, ect. ect.) helps with Shiro’s anxiety, even if there are days where he’s pretty sure he’s sexually attracted to Matt but still too sex-repulsed to act on it.

Just in general, Matt is the best supportive bf and always takes the time to reassure Shiro that they’re doing good and Shiro’s happiness and comfort is more important to Matt than sex

Lance – Bi, Idemromantic or WTFromantic

Okay, so Lance has always known he’s bi. Because. I mean. People are really pretty? And he’s def been attracted to all sorts of folks

The weird part is romance because, like… Huh?

He figures for a long time that it’s just because he doesn’t have a lot of relationship experience, but he dates a few people and it’s still

Weird

It’s very hard for Lance to distinguish between platonic and romantic feelings. He needs it to be Clear

I flirted with you and you flirted back: *ding* Romantic

You flirted with me: ….processing….processing… *ding* Romantic!

We are rivals! *bzzt* Not Romantic! Not at all Romantic!

Basically Lance depends on context clues to figure out if a relationship is romantic or platonic, which usually boils down to “If we didn’t start out with pick-up lines or other overtly romantic things, we’re friends and we will always be friends.”

So if someone… hypothetically… wanted to move from the “friends” category to the “boyfriends” category, they would… hypothetically… need to say so explicitly, otherwise Lance just

will not

switch mindsets

Found the word idemromantic while searching for an answer to the question, “Am I just weird, or do other people get this, too?” But has a deep spiritual connection to the term “WTFromantic” because it accurately sums up his love life

Often confused for the Straight One in any given friend group, but that’s because he’s learned that dude + dude is automatically platonic, so he doesn’t even go there, and flirting is enough to cement him as allo in a lot of people’s minds

The other paladins lowkey thought that too when they first met him, so Allura was stunned when Lance admitted to her that he (a) likes dudes and (b) doesn’t understand romance at all.

Keith – Arovague

(Arovague being an ace/aro-spec orientation that’s highly influenced by neurodivergence.)

Because Keith is autistic

specifically he’s touch-averse and has other sensory issues that make anything sexual or even largely anything remotely physical very much a no-go for him

and he doesn’t get social cues in general, romantic norms in particular, and just. People. As a whole.

Oh, and also alexithymia (difficulty identifying your own emotions and putting them into words)

He doesn’t usually think about romance/sex because it just gives him a headache and he has better things to be doing

Like he’s not… opposed to having a relationship? In theory? He’s not sold on the sex thing, but he can see the appeal in having a boyfriend. He’d like a boyfriend in the same way he’d like more close friends like Shiro. He just doesn’t know how to go about finding either.

Also he’s just not really ever had many people he likes, let alone is attracted to

Even when he experiences attraction, it takes him a long time to realize it because he has a hard time sorting out his emotions anyway

He’ll figure out pieces of it—like that he gets nervous when his crush is around or that he’s happy when they’re together, but it just… doesn’t process as attraction?

Or he’ll consider that it might be attraction, then second-guess himself, then spend all night wondering if he’s making things up

It’s exhausting, and Shiro has honestly probably heard way too much of Keith not actually ranting about his love life (if only because Keith doesn’t think it IS a love life.)

Vents to Pidge a lot and Pidge, who wouldn’t recognize attraction anyway, is 100% on board with ace/aro Keith, which of course only further cements Keith’s belief that he is Free from the Chaos of Sexuality

Never really figures out if he’s actually experiencing attraction, but enjoys his relationships anyway, whatever they are—romantic, platonic, or something in between.

[luanardo]

nice

Rowan: Pan, genderqueer. Gender is arbitrary for them, oftentimes they feel like their birth gender, sometimes they feel like Something Else™, but honestly? They don’t put too much thought into it, there are plenty other things they’re more excited to learn. They’re comfortable the way they are, anyway. 

Penny: Lesbean™. She tried crushing on boys before, but never really clicked with it. One day, she looked at a girl and went “nice,” had a quick Gay Awakening, and just kinda rolled with it from there. 

Ben: Bi, but too timid to flirt with people. This does not change in year 6. 

Merula: Pansexual. Falls in love easily and doesn’t know what to do about it. You know that one post about someone who developed a crush on a girl in elementary school when they were younger, and didn’t know how to deal with it, so they passed her a note that said “Get out of my school”? Yeah, that’s her. Very intense in relationships because she’s always afraid she’ll lose you like she’s lost everyone else she’s loved. Unexpectedly Soft™ as a girlfriend; she’d only date someone if she trusted a lot and thus would be willing to be open and vulnerable with them. Will show you her love in her own weird, kinda convoluted, kinda awkward way. 

Bill: Bi, but leans more towards girls. Like a 2 on the Kinsey scale. Has made many a young wizard question his orientation. Remains cheerfully oblivious. 

Tonks: Pan and genderfluid. Doesn’t realize she’s genderfluid because she’s never thought too deeply into it. Figured it was just a metamorphmagus thing. Highkey helped Lua figure it out for themself. 

Tulip: Pansexual. Honestly she just kinda gives me pan vibes? That’s just me tho. 100% had a Thing™ for Merula but highkey hates her now. Seldom develops crushes. Can’t drive. Can do math. It’s kind of a trade-off.

Barnaby: 100% Bisexual Himbo. The best of all of them. Has too much love to keep stored inside his body. Releases it in the form of hugs and cuddles. Gives great hugs. Assumed everyone was bi growing up and was shocked to learn about homophobia. 

Ismelda: Big Gay™. Doesn’t realize it. Thought she had a crush on Barnaby, but she thinks she has a crush on anyone who’s nice to her. Easily confuses platonic feelings for romantic ones, because she’s never really had friends to feel them for. Gets better about it as time goes on. 

Andre: Big Gay™. Would absolutely coordinate outfits with his boyfriend. 

Charlie: Aro/ace as hell. Infodumps about dragons to turn people off from him. Is also just really passionate about dragons.

Jae: Gay and ace. Claims to be romantically attracted to profit. Is afraid of intimacy because he’s never had a relationship before and is afraid of leaving his comfort zone. 

Badeea: Big Gay™. Also gives off mild nonbinary vibes, but that might just be to me. Talks to her cat about her crushes.

Liz: Ace Lesbian. Generally uninterested in relationships, but not aromantic or anything. Romance is just a low priority to her. 

Diego: Insufferably Pan. Flirts with anyone and everyone. Cannot be stopped. Would absolutely love to be in a sword fight with intense homoerotic undertones. 

Talbott: Very Emo Bi. Is too afraid to open his heart up to other people for fear of losing them and getting hurt, though he has a strong desire to be close to someone and loved. Would make a feather charm with one of his feathers to gift to his partner, it’d be a really big deal for him. 

Chiara: Bi, but leans more towards girls. Penny was her gay awakening. Is afraid of getting close to people because of that Lycanthropy Angst™. Cuddling at home with music playing in the background is a nice date for her. She gives the softest kisses.

Skye: Big Gay™. Notoriously useless lesbian. Everyone knows when she has a crush on someone. Except her. Wears flannel. 

Murphy: Gay, doesn’t realize it. Tends to ramble when talking to a cute guy (more than usual, anyway). Gets really confused and awkward with crushes and romance. 

Orion: Transcended mortal definitions of sexuality. Impossible to label.   

Erika Rath: Big Gay™. Notoriously useless lesbian, but not as useless as Skye. Good at keeping her feelings a secret. Wouldn’t think a girl had a crush on her unless she informed her face-to-face, in clear and concise terms. Probably still wouldn’t even then. Honestly, I haven’t met her yet in-game, so I don’t have much on her

fuck it, she’s an hphm-exclusive character, Rakepick: Bi, but kinda veers more towards women. Still Evil.  I wrote a drabble once when Year 5 was still new and she was just mildly shady and suspicious where she was dating Lua’s mom. They did not take it well. 

🤔 so i think i might do something for pride month like what @lunasilvermorny is doing with the sexuality headcanons because that's a neat idea and i love making lists, but there's a few characters I'm not sure on, so open question for all!

What're some lgbt+ headcanons you have for the Hogwarts Mystery squad?

[acefaerie]

I think its really understandable that a lot of younger people sort of assuming that somehow not having an attraction to others is seen as a virtue especially by religious groups. 

When i was a teen my lack of interest in relationships was seen by the adults in my life that “oh she is just shy” “she’s been a good girl and focusing on school work” and tbh that was the narrative i told myself.  

except, looking back there was an underlying concern from adults that I was “missing out” on the Ideal Teen Romance TM. I got hints of it when ever I made a new male friend. “Oh he looks like he might be your type.” followed by a hopeful smile. after a while i got the “Its okay if you like girls” because i think by this time my parents had realised “she’s really not that interested in boys is she”.

but these instances were mild, my parents, specifically my mother who is “liberal” mind you, and had many close female friends who were lesbian and bi, kept out of my way. I was doing well at school, i was a “good girl”. So for me i think i get why some young people don’t understand the pressure for people to pair up because when you are in highschool if there is pressure its from peers and generally parents consider you to be “just a late bloomer”. But this is my experience, which was.. 15 years ago, and the world has changed quickly and drastically it may be different for others. It may also be that i am privileged in coming grom a generally accepting family, that is not religious, that would have accepted without question any girls I brought home (in fact i was asked if i wanted to).

My peer group generally either made jokes about my lack of interest or assumed i was gay. the general knowledge around school was i was gay, even my guy friends who never asked me also just.. assumed that was the case. I was lucky in the sense that like my mother most of my friends were either bi themselves and therefore didn’t care or pretty liberal minded. so i was cushioned... except for this one girl Tanya. She was homophobic and hated me because of it, i know this because i overheard her complaining about me one time and it generally was about how she had interpreted any causual friendly touch i had with my other friends as “creepy and weird”. I was forced to spend time with her because one of my “best” friends  was really good friends with her (who we have another story about but its only slightly related to this) and wanted us to hang out all the time. 

Tanya made my last year of highschool hell. She poisoned friends against me, and created a sort of social outcasting that left me without a support group. I was unlucky that a lot of my out bi friends who accepted me dropped out the previous year for various reasons. So i was left with the only people who sort of hung out with me being the largely straight (or closeted best friend who when she did start dating a girl, did so in secretl) acquaintances of those friends, who were easily convinced by Tanya to drop me from the group.

but here is the thing. I never called myself gay, (a am a pan/bi ace yes but at the time the only thing i ever said or did was say “Im not really interested in boys” because I really didnt know what i was) just not being interested  was enough for Tanya. 

besides  my awful experience with Tanya I get why teens think “not being interested” puts a pretty light target on your back. even if my parents were disappointed i didnt experience the “ideal teen romance TM” it wasnt a huge concern. The bullying a recieved from Tanya is also ambigious because she was exactly the kind of bigot who was bigoted against everyone who was different she was basically the epotime of what prejudice people talk about when they talk about the “prejudice tree” where a bigotted person who is biggeted against one thing is bigotted against most things that are different from them.

What was my point. Oh, yes. in highschool the main negative reactions i got were from people sharing frustration and disappointment about me dating (though the “late bloomer” thought pretty much silenced this crowd) and the more aggressive lot who were homophobic and i fit enough of the criteria for them to consider me a target.

The first negative thing, the frustration and disapointment, as an ace i think that has become more impactful the older I have got. The pressure started to hit hard in my twentie. “Something is wrong with you” reactions from people grew the more i became “clearly an adult” Friends who were fine in highschool suddenly treated me like i was a kid who didn’t know anything about anything because “i hadn’t had a relationship or sex what do i know about being an adult”. My parents, though well meaning became more and more worried abut what was wrong with me.

Omg the relief they felt when i had a relationship that lasted two weeks (where i cried the whole time and barely even kissed the person).

relationships and sex are treated by our society as a right of passage for becoming an adult. So its fine to be a late bloomer, but thats what these people think you are “a late bloomer” not fully complete yet, still growing.

my mother who was so supportive in my teens and early twenties started letting her anxiety about me leak through when i spent most of my 20s not even “just single” but actively not looking I think she even once told me she just wanted me to have the experience of a real relationship, after i had one that was online (which was like having one without having to touch a person which i enjoyed, until he came over and there was touching and i didn’t enjoy it as much anymore because both I and he forced me into sexual situations i was not ready for but had been convinced by everyone i knew that that is what you did if you were in a relationship) after him i felt physically ill if i knew a person found me attractive so actively avoided being “too sexy” so people wouldnt.

the first healthy relationship slightly romantic relationship i had was a Queer platonic one, with a woman. Everyone knew we were in love, even my professors. but it remained platonic and honestly helped free me from all the toxic stuff that happened before. Im still incredably close to her. 

at this time though I was in my mid to late thirties, and my families comments had become less “you are too picky” to “Im worried you will never find someone” “you are nearly 30″ “what if you want kids you can’t leave it too late”. 

its all small stuff but it mounts up. its mirco-aggressions that become deafening. Im childish because i don;t like sex i need to grow up, im weird im wrong im mistaken im making my parents sad, why can’t i be who they want me to be, my mother crying because she just wants me to have a special person but never understanding that my QPR WAS my special person because to her that was just a friend, people saying i don’t know what i want, people saying im a loser cos they never see me dating, people telling me they ” think being single is a sign of failure” people telling me that when they call me a prude its an insult and im weird if i dont feel bad for being a prude, people telling me i should be interested, “don’t you find him attractive”, “sex is amazing what do you mean you dont like it”,” i think you are just scared of love”, “you must be a closet lesbian”, “your just a straight faking for attention.” “why are you trying to date normal people isnt there a website for people like you?” “its not our fault there arent many of you”, “your a bad girlfriend if you don’t like kissing he/she will be hurt if you wipe the saliva away or if you say you arent attracted to them”, “you don’t understand what love is” “you are confused” “you are sick, see a doctor”, “you’re abusive,” “ you don;t know what you are talking about”, “your sick, is it a hormone deficiency” “HAH you don’t like sex just get married then you wont get any”, “how can you not feel attracted then,” your abusive if you have sex but not sexually attracted”, “you’re abusive if you dont have sex cos you are with-holding from the other person”, “it's okay if you dont want sex for now know but thats just how relationships progress”, “Why don't you like him he likes you, “” Im worried you are going to be alone for ever” 

The pressure of it used to keep me up at night where i felt i was FAILING everyone i knew because i just couldn't bring myself to feel that way about another person. I became deeply depressed. It was the main reason i considered suicide.

when i finally did enter a relationship again after two years of EVERYONE pushing for it. that pressure stopped in so far as people stopped pressuring me to be with him, but now i feel like i have to pretend to be normal so people will leave me alone, and i feel like part of me is lying to myself.

I worry about falling back into unhealthy patterns where i play the role of girlfriend just so i can stop people from knowing im weird. The only saving grace is this time my partner and I know im asexual. He doesn’t quite understand it but he respects my boundaries. still part of me feels like this relationship is a compromise. he doesn't get it completely even though he tries.  he treats me well and i love him,  Its just getting to this point my twenties were years of me ripping up my insides because of all the things society was saying to me. I felt trapped between the fear of being alone and the fear of having to force myself into a relationship again. 

So i get why young people dont get what negativity you can face for being aro/ace but thats because the virtue of being disinterested is only a virtue if its temporary. and even then don’t underestimate the power of bigots to sniff out a difference to target you for.

[amicicidalgambler]

you know what fuck it kitty did it so i have an excuse and im sick so i need something mindless to do

1: Do you have a crush at the moment? not really nah.

2: Have you ever been deeply in love? just with nadaya :3c

3: Longest relationship you’ve ever been in? id be willing to say its nad

4: Have you ever changed for someone? yyyyyyyes? shes willing to fake things she doesnt feel and play up certain parts of her personality for a relationship

5: How is your relationship with your ex? theyre all dead jim. except eridan and kanaya and she hasnt talked to kan and her relationship with eridan is Awkward

6: Have you ever been cheated on? as far as she knows no, but for the npc relationships its possible?

7: Have you ever cheated? nah

8: Would you date someone who’s well known for cheating? yeah, she doesnt really care

9: What’s the most important part of a relationship? having fun but like. said in a way that sounds like she has no fucking idea what another answer would be

10: Do you like to be in serious relationships or just flings? flings? she likes short barely committed relationships.

11: When you are dating someone do you believe in going on “breaks”? shed be okay with it. more than okay with it even. so okay with it that actually she doesnt care you can leave for a while and shell barely notice.

12: How many people have you ever hooked up with? i guess the drone thing kinda counts but none

13: What’s one thing you regret saying/doing in a previous relationship? she feels like she was a tad harsh with eridan but otherwise i cant think of anything

16: Do you believe in “love at first sight”? yes? she feels like if you meet someone and youre meant to keep talking to them youll Know

17: Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love on the internet? yeah dude

18: What do you consider a deal breaker? either not being interesting enough or outright hurting her

19: How do you know it’s time to end a relationship? vris gives up as soon as she starts feeling too bored with them, but thats the only way shes done it so otherwise she has no fuckening clue 

20: Are you currently in a relationship? ya

21: Do you think people who have dated can stay friends? when theyre not dead yes

22: Do you think people should date their friends? sure

23: How many relationships have you had? 3 since this blog started, 2 from canon, and ive fleshed out 2 of the npc relationships so that would be 7? ye

24: Do you think love can last forever? for other people yes. for her not so much.

25: Do you believe love can conquer all things? no.

27: If you could go back in time and give yourself one piece of advice about dating what would it be? the first thing that came to mind was “May8e don’t.”

28: Do you think long distance relationships can work? its kind of hard for trolls with instant transportation to do the whole ldr thing for real.

29: What do you notice first about another person? how their brain feels to her powers

30: Are you straight, bi, gay or pansexual? bi/pan and grey-aro

31: Would it bother you if your partner suffered from any mental illness? ehhhhhhh. depending on what it is it could work but dont expect her to be that helpful.

33: Do you want to get married one day? shes not really familiar with marriage but the idea of actually committing like that usually freaks her out.

34: What do you think about getting your partner’s name tattooed? n ah she doesnt even like regular tattoos

35: Could you be in a relationship without sex? she prefers it that way

36: Are you still a virgin? no but only because drones

37: What’s more important: Looks or personality? personality?

38: Do you enjoy love films? there has to be something else violent going on in the plot also but sometimes

39: Have you ever given anyone/received roses? probably has received them, probably hasnt given them

40: Have you ever had a valentine? ppprprprprprprprobably not

41: What’s your imagination of a “perfect date”? a murder date. really though shes not super picky as long as its fun and not too crowded

43: What’s more important: Your partner or your friends? mmm. she feels like your partner is supposed to be a little more important than your friends but in practice its p even for her.

44: Would you consider yourself “romantic”? half of the time yes. the other half she feels like shes Not Meant for relationships.

45: Could you imagine to date one of your current friends? yes but im not saying which one aha

48: What’s your favorite love song? meant to be yours from the heathers musical, my love wont wait by two gallants, and true love by thoushaltnot are all the ones that show up on her trntbl more than once. but im also going to add the squeaky wheel by the dear hunter

49: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? im pretty sure most of them were too busy bleeding out to be heartbroken

50: If you’re single, why do you think you are? shes single in pale because she doesnt really want a moirail? she doesnt see much reason to since she has nadaya and doesnt see her being as comfortable as someone else. then in pitch she has kind of weird needs and its hard to meet them.

51: Would you rather date someone who’s rich but a douchebag or someone who’s poor but a nice guy? like 90% of the people shes dated have been rich douchebags. also she is a rich douchebags. thats just kind of who she usually gets along with.

52: Are you good at giving other people advices regarding dating/ relationships? a broke clock is right twice a day

53: Are you jealous of couples when you’re single? ssssssssort of. she kind of flips between being repulsed by seeing other couples and being jealous

54: How important is it to make a relationship official (p.e. on facebook)? having other people know shes together with someone is important to her but there doesnt need to be any spectacle to it yknow

55: Would you consider yourself “clingy”, “overly attached” or “jealous”? vriska can get really fucking jealous in the wrong circumstances. like “i want to kill your other mates” jealous. shes not super clingy though she can only talk to her mate once every couple of weeks and be fine. it can be better for her that way sometimes tbh like with mak rn.

56: Have you ever “destroyed” a relationship? yes

58: Are you the “dominant” or the “submissive” part in a relationship? shes like the non-sexual equivalent of a power bottom Or Something. she wants control of whats happening but is more submissive Or Something.

59: Have you ever forgotten important dates like your partner’s birthday or your anniversary? she never forgets but it doesnt always last long enough for that kind of thing to come up lmao

60: What’s your opinion on open relationships? she doesnt have anything against them but theyre very much not for her. shes way way to jealous to share a quad with someone and doesnt feel any need to take more than one mate in a quad, and isnt big on non-quad romance

64: Do you think Valentine’s Day is overrated? yes she does

65: Would you consider yourself a “cuddler”? SHE REALLY REALLY IS BUT WONT ADMIT TO IT

[ambagelbraindump]

Book Review #2: The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli

Synopsis:

17-year-old Molly Peskin-Suso has had 27 crushes over the course of her life, and not a single one of those has been requited or even acted upon. She’s mostly okay with this, until her twin sister gets a girlfriend- and suddenly she feels like she’s miles behind where they were once equals. Molly has to navigate what is already a fraught world, full of churning emotions and hurt feelings and ambiguous romances, in the hope of finding someone- anyone- who likes her just the way she is.

General thoughts

Becky Albertalli was not messing around when she wrote The Upside. Love Simon was good, but it doesn’t hold a candle to what she’s done with this one. Things I loved: excellent queer rep, healthy discussion of difficult topics, relatability, also GayTM.

I think one reason The Upside really resonated with me is that it’s reflective of a lot of things going on in my own life at the moment, especially in regards to conversations about the importance of representation in media. And oh boy did the Upside deliver. Not only did we have a loving, supportive, (and Jewish!!) lead family with two moms, we had a pan character, several bi characters, at least two gay, and a trans character (off-screen, but still cool). There was also a mention of asexuality which was really validating for me personally. I know a lot of people would put this down as ‘pandering’, but the more I think about it, the more I feel like this is actually pretty reflective of what I’ve observed in my own circles. And maybe it depends on where you live (a university town for me), but a large number of my friends identify as bi or pan (with a sprinkling of other identities). Having such a diverse array of LGBT characters is such a fantastic change from just the one token queer who may or may not even make it to the end of the book or show.

Another reflective aspect was the sense of “lostness” conveyed by Molly throughout most of the book. I’ve had a lot of conversations with friends lately (especially those who have either graduated or never went the college route) about how they feel left behind in life, or feel like they’re missing something that everyone else just seems to get. A big part of the story was Molly’s fears about drifting away from her twin sister as they grow older; while I might not be 17, I can definitely relate with the fear of losing friends and relationships as we all go our separate ways post-college.

The Upside also came at an interesting time in my life as I am currently experiencing my first squish (aro version of a crush). To me, the whole thing is very low-key and I honestly would be 100% okay just being friends, which is a very interesting contrast to Molly’s 27 crushes and neverending quest for a relationship. Whether I’ll actually do something about my feelings is up in the air at this point, but reading this book made me wonder if I should take that first step and put myself out there.

Another thing I really liked about The Upside were the discussions of healthy sexuality. Sex was never framed as something shameful or evil, but just another part of life. Characters were never pushed to participate, but if they did, they were encouraged to be safe about it (both emotionally and physically.)

There were also a few things I was a little iffy about. This could just be part of me being sex and romance repulsed, but I felt bad for Molly that she felt like finding a relationship was something she HAD to do. And granted that’s the entire plot of the story so it would be a little weird if she just suddenly decided she didn’t need someone after all, but I felt like there was a really heavy emphasis on the idea of having a boyfriend. Same goes for the idea of sex- it annoyed me a little that Molly felt like it was something inevitable, something she had to do or she would never be valid. Again, this just might be me getting grossed out by sex and romance, but the thought definitely crossed my mind a couple times.

There’s so much more about this book I could talk about (like the Jewish lesbian wedding at the end, or the fact that Albertalli set this book in the same year that gay marriage became legal), but I have other projects and other books to read, so I’m going to stop before I write a whole book on this.

Rating

Originally I had this book at a 7 (it took me forever to get to for some reason), but as I got more invested, it moved up to an 8, and finally up to an 8.5 (listen I might be romance repulsed af but the wedding scene at the end made me cry so it gets an extra .5). The whole story was really relatable and real even to someone who isn’t a teenager anymore, and I’d highly recommend it to anyone who wants an LGBT-friendly YA coming of age novel. Or someone who just wants to read something super gay. That’s also valid.