#(anyways you can take this / leave this / jump into dms to plot it's all good 👍 :D ty for sending it in!!!)

[magnusmodig]

spirit: stallion of the cimarron / @milehighmechanic / no longer accepting !

╰┈➤ “I wasn’t sure what happened back there, but I wasn’t about to stop and ask.“

𝐓𝐖𝐈𝐒𝐓 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐎 𝐀𝐍𝐃 a tilt of head. eyes flit from head to toe of his ally , and then askance towards the vision who floated warily , curiously , around the tower's penthouse. truly a curious being , he was. miraculous , and so very , very different. odd. though then , everything about the artificial intelligence's existence could be described as 'odd'.

thor hummed a low note beneath his breath. ❝  i am not so certain i would have give you the time to string any more words at any rate, ❞ he admitted. he shifted his weight from foot to foot. it was no secret that thor had grown rather CROSS with stark as of late. there was no fate worse than vexing the storm god's tumultuous temper , and leave it to whom thor would wager was earth's greatest enigma to manage it after so many earth years. sidling gaze to meet tony stark's , thor studied him in silence for a good , long moment.

stark was clever and driven. brash and bold. in so many ways , thor found him ADMIRABLE. but he could not bring himself to agree with stark's rationale - his SUIT OF ARMOR AROUND THE WORLD. perhaps he never would. after all , he was as "human" as the vision who ghosted the bar stools , watching flickering city lights and airplane trails from beyond the glass panels.

. . . and still thor could not bring himself to hold fast to such grudges either. the ropes thor held taut to raise the barrier between them HIGH burned red welts into the skin. stark meant well. that , at least , thor could ( begrudgingly ) admit. and what were humans not but emotional creatures ? ( and what was thor , if not still mortal in heart yet ? )

still , thor was careful . prodding . testing .

❝  . . . but the notion of it , i should admit , is admirable. ❞

[mxpseudonym]

Not Good Enough

Pairing: Luca Changretta x OC (or she/her pronouns reader)

Summary: Luca decides it's time to call it quits before anything dangerous happens. Of course, he hasn't quite thought through how this would go.

Length: 993

Warnings: None

A/N: I love that these are getting longer and longer 😂. This is the same OC from Get a Real Hobby and I Don't Like You, I Just Want You Here Forever.

(By the way, I didn't realize the major plot hole of where exactly does OC live? I don't know how to fix it other than just saying she lives in her own secure luxury apartment that Luca pays for and basically lives in as well cause he's always there. She'll eventually live with Luca.)

--

She knew when he called her by her first name that something was wrong. It had been ages since Luca had called her anything but Blossom. She almost thought he'd forgotten her name altogether.

"What? What is it?"

She walked slowly from her place at the living room entry to where he sat on her couch, elbows on his knees and hands clasped in prayer. Her heart was thumping loudly, preparing for anything.

"Maybe, maybe we shouldn't get married," Luca said.

She sighed and dropped the bags she held before sitting next to him and placing a hand on her chest.

"Jesus Christ, Luca, you can't scare me like that. And what the fuck are you talking about? Of course, we're getting married," she scoffed, smacking his arm. Under any other circumstance, he'd laugh and tease her for declaring it so clearly and proudly before him. But today was different.

"Listen. My family, we've got trouble, alright? My brothers have made a mess of things overseas. Worse than my mess with the robbery before I got here. I told you about that, didn't I?" He asked.

"Uh-huh," she nodded. Luca told her everything. She gave him a look that told him to get to the point.

"My cousins are stirring things up with the local gangs. I heard some of these kids don't care about honor. They'll take down whoever. I'm not letting that happen to you, alright? You can keep the apartment, and I'll take care of you. You don't have to worry about anything."

Luca included the promise while keeping his eyes on the leather shoes she'd helped him pick out that morning. There was a pause before she huffed, shaking her head.

"That's not good enough," she said quietly.

"What,"

"That," she stopped him, loud and firm now as she stood. "That is not good enough. It wouldn't be good enough on an average day, but it's definitely not good enough today when I just spent hours with your mother, promising her I'll be a good wife to her son and proving that I can cook. By the way, I almost divulged a secret family recipe for you, okay? Come spring, you're meeting me at St. Bernadette's, and we're getting married in that church."

Luca looked at her in some surprise. They always kidded, and he, for the most part, knew she loved him. But a tiny part of him that could be real loud sometimes, thought she'd jump at the chance not to marry him. At the very least, he thought she'd be okay postponing it. But spending the day with his mother on her own accord? Exchanging recipes? What was this side of her?

"Are you hearing me?" He asked anyway.

"Unfortunately so. I've been sitting here hearing you give up. I'm hearing you be a coward. You are a lot of things, Changretta, but chicken? That's new," she tsked, turning away from him.

She faced the other side of the room and placed a hand over her chest as discreetly as she could. She'd likely never admit it, but the pang she felt in her chest at the idea of walking out for the apartment without Luca was unbearable. How dare he make her love him and then do something like this? She heard him moving until he placed his warm hands on her shoulders.

"You are most important to me."

"And do you protect things you'll cherish from a distance?"

"If you were hurt,"

"Like now?"

There was silence until he let out a sigh. She could feel him trembling with aggravation and turned to reason with him only to find him laughing to himself.

"Why are you laughing, you sick monster?" She grimaced and moved away from Luca in case he was losing his mind before her very eyes. His husky laugh, the one she loved and reminded her of home, eased her while he rubbed his temples.

"I cannot believe I've found a woman who is so stubborn she won't let me leave her. As if it was your idea to get married in the first place."

"For fuck's sake." She rolled her eyes and moved to walk past him, only for Luca to sweep her into his arms.

"You're smart, huh?" He asked. She nodded immediately.

"I'd say so."

"Then I'm trusting you're thinking this through. I told you the problem, and you'd rather be with me instead of safe somewhere." He reminded her of what she was giving up. And still, she nodded without hesitation.

"If safe means all your hard work in getting me to stay with you goes out the window, and I lose something important to me, then I don't want it."

"Alright," Luca agreed. All he needed was her to say it.

Luca leaned down and pulled her into a kiss. He'd never stop worrying. But something told him that any person willing to go after the love of his life would have hell to pay. She was no docile thing, which was only proven when she moved away from him all too soon.

"And never say that to me again. You come home, and you tell me that you had a bad day, and we talk about it. Don't go deciding shit like that on your own," she scolded him, pressing her manicured nail into his chest. Luca grabbed her hand, pulling her into his chest with a chuckle.

"Yes, ma'am," he murmured against her cheek between kisses. He could feel her face warm from his caresses even as she told him he was too silly. She mumbled into his shirt, and he leaned back. "What was that?"

"That's not my name," she said with furrowed brows and a slight pout. He had to bite down on his knuckle not to laugh out loud. When she was this adorable, it went straight to his heart.

"You're a fucking riot, Blossom."

"Yeah, I am. And you're gonna be Mr. Blossom whether you like it or not."

"Yeah. Yeah, I am."

—

Mx Any Taglist: @cactisjuice

If you're a follower and would like to be on a taglist, please message me via dms or asks. You can be on a list for a specific character, for smut, or for any time I post.

[kiribaku-queen]

Could we please have an insecure!reader x Bokuto! (Also Todoroki x reader but separately if that’s okay?) where she starts to slowly starts to compare herself to all the fangirls and the girls that confess to them? So she slowly starts to distance herself, then meets up with then to break up. But when she says she wants to break up the boys are like “do you not love me anymore, what happened” then she basically goes on a spiel about how much better he would be with one the fangirls and just straight up says she looks like the trash but of course she still loves him. So then the boys reassure her that she’s the only one he wants and that she is perfect and blah blah blah and it’s just a nice happy ending basically :)

It’s Always Been You

Pairing: Bokuto x reader

Angst, Fluff

Word count: 3.1K

A/N: I’M BACK! I’m starting to get back into the groove of things while juggling my work but hopefully, I’ll be able to start that new series soon! Let me tell yall, when I finished plotting out and detailing everything I want to happen in this series, it was 11 pages long.... like what?

Anyway, I love love loved this prompt. It actually made me feel sad inside. I hope it wasn’t too rushed. Also, I just wanted to do Bokuto since I have a lot on my plate, writing wise so i hope that is okay! Thank you to whoever sent this in and I hope you are satisfied with this! Happy reading! (if you want to know more about my next series, DM me! I really want to talk about it LOL)

“Kotarou-kun!” you bellowed your boyfriend’s name from the stands. You would always go to Bokuto’s volleyball practice whenever you could. You had your own club activities so you couldn’t always be there to cheer him on. But when you would, Bokuto would be jumping with joy, trying new moves just to impress you. You were already impressed with the achievements he made this past year, one being the top 5 spikers in all of Japan. But he somehow still thinks that there’s more wow factor in him for you. When Bokuto hears his name fall from your lips, he automatically whips his head and gives you the widest smile.

“(y/n)!” he sings your name, waving both hands in the air. Bokuto was so distracted by you that he didn’t see that ball coming straight for him. Luckily, it missed him but just a hair. But now his team was upset that they just lost a point thanks to him. Thank god this was just practice and not an actual game. You’d never live that one down. You could see Bokuto rubbing the back of his head, embarrassed, as his team continued to scold him to pay attention.

Spike after spike after spike after spike, you were amazing at how many times Bokuto could spike the ball down without getting tired. If that was you, you would surely break both your ankles. You leaned on the railing, admiring how hardworking and how much effort he put in his sport. You’ve never met anyone more dedicated than the man who was dominating the court by just standing there.

“This one’s for…” Bokuto starts as he jumps in the air with exceptional form. You smile fondly because you know what’s about to happen. “(Y/N)!!!” he dedicates his spike to you, yelling with his whole chest and smacks the ball on the other side of the court. With the widest smile and a big thumbs up, Bokuto faces you after his great feat. His teammates clearly embarrassed with his antics. It’s practice, for crying out loud. But Bokuto didn’t care what anyone else thought. He was going to shower you with love and affection to show everyone just who captured his heart.

You giggle to yourself. You loved this side of Bokuto. In the beginning of your relationship, you admit that it was embarrassing. He was just so extra with his affection that you didn’t know how to take it. But day by day, you learned to accept and love all the things he does for you. His smile, his laugh, his iconic ‘hey, hey, hey’ line, and even when he dedicates certain moves to you. But you weren’t the only one to admired him. No, his fangirls were also in love with that. Speaking of fangirls…

When practice was over, you made your way down the bleachers and over to your boyfriend, but when the team came into sight, Bokuto was already surrounded by a herd of fangirls.

“Bokuto-san, you were super cool today!”

“Can you show me how to play?”

“Are you thirsty? Here, I bought you some water!”

“Do you need a towel?”

“Can we feel your muscles?”

Bokuto looked uncomfortable, to say the least. You stayed behind the crowd of girls, giving him some space with his fans. He sees you immediately and gives you an apologetic look. You shake your head, insinuating that it was okay. Because it honestly was. You can’t be mad at him for having adoring fans. It was natural if he was going to play professionally. And this is nothing if he was to really play on a pro volleyball team. So you could take it. Bokuto continues to interact with the girls while to watch them, waiting until he’s ready to leave.

You could see him trying to make his way through the crowd to get to you, but surprisingly, his fans were pretty strong. They refused to let him leave, no matter how many times he said he had to go. But again, you were willing to be patient.

“Look, ladies. I’d love to stay and talk, but I have someone waiting on me,” Bokuto tried one more time and pointed in your direction. All their heads whipped around to you, not looking too happy. Their stares burned at you, scaring you a bit at how vicious they could look. With them distracted, Bokuto was able to slip out of their circle and by your side.

“Shall we go?” he looked down at you, love back in his eyes. You nod and Bokuto automatically wraps his hand around your shoulders, leading you out of the court.

As you pass by the group of girls who were still staring daggers at you, you heard their whispers. You weren’t sure if they were saying it on purpose or if it was because it was the truth, but they were speaking loud enough for you to overhear.

“What does he see in her?”

“Do you see her bare face? Does she not care that she looks homeless?”

“It’s because her face is bumpy, so if she wore makeup it would look cakey.”

“No, even if she did wear makeup, it would look so bad because she doesn’t know how to put it on.”

“God, she’s so boring!”

“Her hair isn’t even done.”

“It’s like she purposely trying be a loser.”

“And do you see how her rolls are spilling out of her shirt? Embarrassing!”

You tightened your grip on your skirt. Were they really talking about you? The entire time Bokuto was walking you home, you were looking down and thought about all those comments that they made. Mean as they were, maybe they were right? You didn’t wear any jewelry. It would only get in the way. You don’t do your hair, but you didn’t think it was that messy. You liked it the way it was. No, you don’t wear makeup. Not only do you not have time in the morning, but you only use it for special occasions. Fat? Maybe you were putting on a few pounds, but you and Bokuto like to eat. It’s his fault that you look bigger than normal. Is this what people think about you? Is this was people say behind your back? You looked down at your stomach and held it shyly. Thinking about those comments just made you upset. But did Bokuto think that way? You look up at him and he’s all happy like normal. He hasn’t said that you should change anything, but maybe that’s just him being polite. But that was going to change.

After dropping you off, you went straight to your room and dug up everything you could find: makeup, clothes, jewelry, accessories, curling iron, straightener. You put everything on your counter and got to work. You were going to look pretty for once.

First, you applied your makeup. Dramatic or subtle? What do most of the girls wear at school? After a quick search, subtle it is. You admit, you weren’t the best at makeup, but it’s not like you’ve never put it on before. You just needed a little practice and this was a good opportunity. After maybe 30 minutes of applying what you thought looked like good makeup skills, you moved onto the hair. You tried something that you normally never do. Up or down? Curly or straight? Extensions or nah? God, so many options. So again, you looked at what the other girls were doing. Looking back in the mirror, you smiled at yourself. Not too bad, if you do say so yourself! You were going to wake up early tomorrow and do exactly this. Bokuto was in for a big surprise.

A big surprise, he was. Bokuto waited outside your house like he did every day. You were running a little late but he didn’t mind waiting.

“Sorry I’m late. I was doing something real quick!” you announced and presented yourself in front of your boyfriend. As soon as Bokuto laid eyes on you, he felt his heart fly out of his chest and then back again because he had to be alive to see how stunning you looked. His mouth flew open but he couldn’t form any words. His eyes grew as wide as saucers and looked up and down. He didn’t want this picture of you out of his mind.

As shocked as Bokuto was, you didn’t take his reaction the right way. Did he not like it? Why wasn’t he saying anything? You know that your look might be different than normal, but he acts like you’re a totally different person. The longer that he stared at you, the more ridiculous you looked. But what were you going to do now? It was too late to change and you were going to be late to school.

“Let’s go!” you urged, hooking your arms together and pulled him along to walk with you. You acted like his reaction didn’t affect you, but inside you were disappointed.

As the day went on, you couldn’t help but feel subconscious about your new look. Your friends said that they loved the new you, but Bokuto’s opinion mattered the most to you. Because you knew that he would tell you the truth no matter what.

In between classes, you look either go to the bathroom or look at your phone, wherever there was a mirror so that you could look at yourself. Your make up started melting and fading away, your hair wasn’t as kept like this morning. Slowly, your new look made you look like a clown. And the more you looked, the more you started to see your flaws. Now you could understand what those girls were saying. Fuck.

Tears welled in your eyes that you rubbed away the tears. But in the process of doing that, you wiped off the makeup that you forgot you had on, the makeup that took you so long to do. It all smeared across your eyes and that made you cry even more. Now you were forced to take your makeup off. You turned on the tap and rubbed all the foundation, the eye shadow, the blush, and the lipstick away. There, your ugly bare face was back.

Since you were doing that, might as well fix your hair. Pulling your hair all the way back, you put it into a bun. You stared at yourself in the mirror again. Homeless. Ugly. Bare faced. Fat. You could see it all. The realization hit you like a ton of bricks and you began to cry uncontrollably. God, you felt so embarrassed with yourself.

Bokuto immediately saw the difference in appearance when he saw you at the end of the day. Your shoulders were slouched over, your head was hung low, not to mention that your new look disappeared.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Bokuto said softly. “What happened to your new look?”

“Oh,” you jolted up. His concerned gaze made you feel uncomfortable and even more insecure about your looks. “It was bothering me, so I took it off.” You lied. And it was a good lie because he believed it without a second thought.

“If it bothers you, maybe you shouldn’t wear it to school,” Bokuto suggested. Oh, so he’s basically saying that you shouldn’t dress like that because he’s embarrassed by you. Your confidence levels just reached a new low.

“Yeah, I probably won’t,” you say discouraged and quickly walk away from him. Bokuto didn’t know what to say. Why did you look so sad?

The next day, you transitioned back into your normal outfit. You felt more comfortable but your body and the way you looked to other people was always in the back of your mind. You became so distracted by the idea that you began to distance yourself from the volleyball player.

You went to his practices but didn’t make yourself known anymore. Little by little each day, you let the fangirls take over. So he’ll spend most of his time with them instead of you. It was probably better like that anyway. The more you looked at them from afar, the more you could see the difference between you guys. You were just an ordinary student with an ordinary life with ordinary looks. There really wasn’t anything special about you. There wasn’t anything about you that stood out. Compared to these girls that were flocking all around your boyfriend? Beautiful girls. Their looks were out of this world. You could never compare to them. So why was Bokuto with you when he could have anyone he wanted? He was popular, athletic, goofy, strong. Every girl’s dream guy. It doesn’t make sense that you, a plain girl, was his girlfriend. A match that probably wasn’t meant to be.

Bokuto noticed that you were being distant. Eventually, you stopped going to his practices. Every day, he would look for you in the stands but you were never there. Whenever he has free time and wanted to spend it with you, you were also too busy or had some place to be. He never saw you anymore. You didn’t even want to walk to and from school together. He couldn’t fathom what he did wrong. He thought he treated you well. He thought that he did his best to show you that you mean so much to him. So what was going on?

Bokuto stopped by your house one day after practice because does not like how you were avoiding him. He was going to figure out what was wrong whether you continue to avoid him or not.

“Oh, is (y/n) home?” Bokuto asked your mother who opened the door instead of you. Strange, were you not home yet?

“Oh, Kotarou. No, she isn’t home yet. Would you like to wait inside? She should be home any minute now,” your mother informed, opening the door a little wider to let him in. He gladly accepted and stepped into your welcoming home. Your mother let Bokuto make himself at home and that is just what he did. He went to your room and waited for you there.

When you arrived home, you greeted your mother with a kiss on her cheek and headed for your room when your mom stopped you in your tracks.

“Oh, your boyfriend is waiting for you upstairs, dear,” your mother said. You completely froze. Your heart started to race and cold sweat ran down your back. Shit. What was he doing here? After all this time, you thought you were doing well by keeping your distance but now he shows up out of nowhere, catching you off guard. Reluctantly, you opened the door to your bedroom and sure enough, Bokuto was standing there not looking too happy.

“Kotarou,” you say but didn’t have a clue what to say after. What could you say?

“(y/n),” Bokuto sighs and walks to you. But you backup, making Bokuto frustrated. “What is going on with you? First, you don’t come to my practices. Then, you stop talking to me. You don’t even want to walk with me to school anymore. Did I do something wrong? Because if I did, just tell me so I can fix it.”

“No, you didn’t do anything wrong,” you admit, but now Bokuto was confused.

“If I didn’t do anything, then why are you acting like towards me? Are you mad at me?”

“No.”

“Did I say something that hurt your feelings?”

“No.” Question after question, you kept saying no. Everything that he thought he did, you answered no. You weren’t giving him any information to help him understand what was going on. All you did was stand by the door, head down and you fiddled with your fingers. Bokuto was beyond frustrated. He put his hands on his waist and let out a deep sigh.

You couldn’t see him but you could definitely hear him and feel the ambiance in the room. He was upset at you. He had every right to. But now his reaction made you feel even worse about yourself that you just wanted to cuddle up in bed and literally just forget about everything. Maybe today was the today.

“If you’re so frustrated, why don’t you just break up with me?” you opened your mouth to say. Silence.

All of Bokuto’s anger and frustration dissipated and was replaced with hurt and betrayal. The moment those words left your mouth, his stomach dropped and the pain in his heart hit him so deep that he had to take a step back.

“Baby, why are you saying that?” his voice softens in the most pained toned you’ve ever heard. Guilt starts to eat at you for saying that, but cat’s out of the bag now. You don’t answer him and continue to stare down at your feet. He gets closer and you allow him to take your hands in his.

“I’m just trying to understand. Why are avoiding me? Why are you saying that we should break up?” he asks, trying to look you in the eyes. You shrug your shoulders but don’t say anything. But that’s okay because Bokuto was going to give you all the time in the world that you need to answer back. And it took you a long while before you should say anything.

“It’s because… I think you can find someone better,” you mumble in a whisper.

“Why do you think that?” Bokuto matches your tone. You shrug again.

“I don’t know. I see all those girls around you. And they’re all so pretty and thin. I’m nothing compared to them. And then I started thinking, and… you’re way out of my league. You could do so much better if you were with someone like-”

“Do you love me?” Bokuto cuts you off.

“Yeah,” you answer anyway. “But I don’t think we look good as a couple.”

“I don’t care what other people think. I love you and only you. I picked you. Every practice, every game, I’m looking for you. Whenever I see you, my day brightens up. When I see you, I feel like I can play my best. You are my strength and my motivation. You are the only one that sticks out in a crowd full of people. You’re perfect and don’t let those other people tell you otherwise.” Bokuto lifts your chin up so that you could tell that he meant every word. Your lower lip forms a pout and silent tears streaked your cheeks. His face softens at you. Gosh, even when you’re crying and snot is coming out of your nose, you’re still so cute to him.

“You really mean it?” you cry.

“Yes, you cry baby. Now come here,” he scoops you up and lays you on the bed to cuddle. “So don’t you ever say that to me again, or I’ll quit volleyball.” He threatens. Upon hearing that, you freak out and convince that he shouldn’t. He’s laughing out loud and kisses you all over.

“Ah, I love you too much,” he says content and you cuddle for the rest of the evening.

[chuckbass-love]

Hey! Chris x reader slow burn? I don’t have a clear idea but.. just slow burn, OMG.

I’ve not done much slow burn. I mean my Andy series was kinda, my Ransom fic was and my new ransom series has been kinda. But yeah i love this. Slow burn is some of my fave stuff to read. 

Reader is going to be a singer/actress in this! 

I hope you love this as i’m feeling very insecure about it. Let me know, feedback is always welcome.

Disclaimer: My work is not to be posted anywhere else other than MY Tumblr, Wattpad and Ao3 without my permission. However, reblogs are welcome.

Pairing: Chris Evans x Reader

Warning: Slow burn, fluff and smut...MAYBE 😉

Word Count: 5,694

Summary: You and Chris are about to become co-stars in a new movie. You meet him when you attend the Oscars and from the second your eyes meet, a crush develops on both parts. But it’s not as easy to admit your feelings. 

GIF NOT MINE!!! Credit to @itsagentromanoff go check them out ❤️

Worth The Wait

As an actor, Chris Evans is used to women fawning over him and pretty much throwing themselves his way. He’s got the ladies right where he wants them. He’s no heartbreaker, not intentionally anyway but he has been around the block a couple times.

When it comes to you on the other hand, your the polar opposite. You’ve only had one serious relationship. Sure guys ask you out or slide into your DM’s but you pay them no mind. You prefer to focus on your career. 

You’re currently on track to release some new music. You’re also preparing to start shooting scenes for a new movie in the next couple of months. A romance movie. As soon as you got the part you found out about who would be your love interest. It’s Chris Evans.

As an actress and a woman in the industry, you obviously know who he is, you don’t live under a rock. He’s been in lots of movies that you’ve seen. He’s also very handsome, you can’t deny that. But you won’t be the one to fall at his feet. That isn’t your style. You prefer the subtle approach.

Tonight is the first time that you’re attending the Oscars and to say that you’re nervous would be the understatement of the century. It’s a day in the hairdressers chair with a makeup artist in the afternoon and a nail tech too. Your dress is at your house, hung up on the rack ready to put on last minute.

“So what are we going for today?” your hairdresser asks, you show her some images and she gets to work on what you requested. It has to be perfect. You have to make a good impression.

-----------------

4:30pm

Makeup done, nails done, hair done. Time for the finishing touch, your dress.

Your car pulls up to your house, ready to take you there, the nerves are flooding your body but you have your best guy friend with you, Jason. He’s your date tonight.

“Calm yourself, you’ll be fine” he’s always reassuring you whenever your anxiety hits full force.

“I just don’t know what to expect” he rests his hands over yours before handing you a glass of champagne. 

“Get this down you, it’ll help” you can’t help but giggle, taking the glass and drinking all of the contents in it. 

Whether you’re ready or not for the red carpet, you’re here. No turning back.

As you step out, your friend helps you. You’re wearing a full length red dress with black heels. You’re bombarded with flashes and shouting. Photographers calling for you to look their way. 

You walk onto the carpet, posing with your friend when you stop for the cameras. He wraps his arm around you and you smile as he whispers in your ear about all the camera men getting excited thinking that you two are a couple. He already knows the questions that you’re going to be asked. 

‘Is he your boyfriend?’

‘How long have you been together?’

You have the perfect response ready if that happens. He steps out of your way briefly so you can get some solo pics taken, this isn’t actually that bad. Posing for the cameras that is. It’s quite annoying with everyone shouting at you to look at them but aside from that, you’re enjoying it.

As you walk further up the carpet you hear everyone screaming “CHRIS OVER HERE” 

It’s Chris Evans. The leading man for your new movie. He looks good. More than good. He’s hot. But you won’t let that show. 

Chris pulls Scott back to him when they finish taking solo pictures. Ready to take more with them two together. Scott starts laughing at something the photographers say before noticing Chris not paying attention.

“Earth to Chris” he snaps his fingers in his face, following his eye line, that’s when he discovers what’s got his brother so distracted, or should he say who.

You’re stood there, laughing your head off with a guy, your smile is the type of smile that has everyone around smiling along with you. 

It’s infectious, just like your laugh. You look absolutely gorgeous. 

He knows exactly who you are, he’s heard your music and the movies you’ve done. He also knows that you’re playing his love interest for his new upcoming movie. Now he’s seen you in person he can tell he’ll have no trouble with intimate scenes. 

He watches you until he feels Scott tugging at his arm and just before he looks away, you look up, your eyes meet. For a split second. 

And in that second, he feels something. A crush developing. It sounds crazy, he doesn’t even know you but he feels some type of way.

Your eyes meet his blue ones, only for a second but it has your heart beating fast. He really is beautiful. You’re looking forward to working with him. 

All of the celebrities make their way into the building ready for the event to start, you’re guided to your table.

You’re sitting with the man himself. It’s like there’s a god up there plotting all of this, forcing you together. You can’t complain though. 

“So, you’re Y/N then?” he pipes up, rubbing his hands together before lifting a glass to his pink lips, they look so soft. You wonder what it would be like to kiss them. But remember, you need to keep it subtle.

“Yeah, i heard i’ll be working with you soon” he nods his head “Indeed, i look forward to it” Scott and your date look back and forth between the two of you, the chemistry is painfully obvious between you and Chris. 

---------------

Since both of your plus ones have left to go to the toilet, he moves over to sit next to you. Not caring about how it looks to everyone around.

“How long have you and Jason been together?” you can’t help but giggle, you knew people would assume things.

“He’s not my boyfriend, he’s my best friend. I’m single by the way if that’s what you were trying to find out” he sighs at his failed attempt.

He can’t believe that you just sassed him. It makes him like you more. He’s intrigued, he wants to find out more. Whether that’s going to be possible in this setting is the one question on his mind. That and the question of asking you for your number before the others come back.

“Listen, i don’t usually do this but since we’re going to be working together anyways. I just wondered if maybe i could get your number. We can try and find time to hang out, get to know each other a bit better before shooting starts” you bite back the smile that tugs at the corners of your mouth, giving him your best poker face.

“I mean, i suppose that could be handy. Sure” your voice normal, your facial expressions are dead serious as you type your number into his iPhone. 

He grins as he moves back to his seat and minutes later Scott and Jason return. They both take their seats and the show resumes. Cameras are rolling so you try your best to look good in case you’re caught in the footage, checking yourself out in your pocket mirror quickly.

This night is going really well so far. 

You like Chris of course you do, he’s handsome, charming and polite. But as much as you’re looking forward to kissing him and getting close you have to admit that he’s not your usual type. You also have your reservations about ever going there with him if he tried it.

You don’t date co stars, not whilst you’re filming with them anyways. It’s unprofessional, a rule you’ve not broken so far but will he make it difficult for you? That’s another thing entirely.

--------------------

It’s a Wednesday afternoon and you’re chilling at home today. Shooting for your movie starts next weekend and you’re taking all the time you can to work on some new music and take some much needed pamper time.

You sit there in your studio, writing lyrics and figuring out a beat when you hear your phone ringing. There’s a huge pile of sheet music in the way, you start moving it to find your phone sat there. Chris’s name on the screen.

“Hello” you greet

“Well hello to you too, someone sounds very happy to hear from me” he chuckles, making your heart flutter. 

“Oh, can’t you tell, i’m jumping up and down from all the excitement” he can’t hold back his laughter, trying to stop it so he can actually speak.

“What are you up to today?”

“Currently, i’m song writing. Yourself?” he hums in response “not a lot, i was wondering if you wanted to try and hang out? Get to know each other, shooting starts next weekend and i barely know who i’m going to be kissing” he’s cheeky and very flirtatious, you gotta give him his props. He knows how to woo the ladies. But you’re not buying any of this. He probably does this with all of this leading ladies.

As much as you want to swoon and give in, you have to stay professional and protect your heart. He’s dangerously handsome, the dream personality that every girl wants a guy to have. He’s perfect but you could get hurt if you step over that line.

You decline his invite, making an excuse about getting this song done. He sounds quite sad as he hears your rejection. 

“Well, i guess i’ll leave you to it then. Maybe we can do it another time” you agree, hanging up the phone.

You feel silly for declining his invite. But you have stuff to do, you also know that if you start hanging out, you’ll catch feelings. 

Little do you know, catching feelings for one Chris Evans is inevitable. It’ll sneak up on you.

-------------

“Chris and Y/N to set please” the director shouts, summoning the two of you. It’s your first scene with him. He spots you and smiles as you get closer.

“Oh if it isn’t miss unavailable” he mocks, you shove him playfully “Or maybe i was just trying to shake you off” he rolls his eyes. You both check over the script before the cameras start rolling.

Your character is sat in a cafe when his character strolls in with his friends. He looks around when his eyes fall on you. You’re sat there reading a book, sipping at your coffee when you hear them all making a bunch of loud noises. 

You look up and your eyes meet and in this moment, it doesn’t even feel like acting. It feels real. 

“You guys go ahead, i’ll catch up” he practically rushes his friends out of the door before sitting across from you.

“Wait, people actually read nowadays?” you scoff at his attempt to be funny, finishing up your drink and packing your stuff away. 

Just like in real life, he can’t catch a break with you. You aren’t giving him the time of day.

“I didn’t mean to offend you” you roll your eyes, turning back to him. 

“If you think some comment about books is going to offend me then let me just say that you’ll have to work a lot harder” you storm out of the building, away from him. 

The director yells cut. You head over to him for some feedback. He seems very happy with how the scene worked out. He gives a couple of tips for the next scene. He wants your character to bump into Chris’s character at work, leading him to mock you and get cocky about you stalking him.

You take a couple of sips from your water bottle before continuing. Shooting the next scenes. He keeps messing up, causing you to be there longer. Shooting the same one over and over. Next take he gets it, you don’t mess up once. You feel quite smug about it. He’s the professional, you’re the amateur and he’s the one messing up his lines. How ironic.

It’s time for a break, you head back to your trailer, sitting down and flicking through your phone. You hear a knock on your door. “Come in” you call out, he enters. 

“Following me around i see” you giggle

“Nice sarcasm. Very funny. Have i done something wrong?” you furrow your brows in confusion. 

“No, why?” maybe your stand offish attitude and poker face expression has clearly been too good.

“You just seem really off with me. Rejecting any invitation i made to hang out last week. Rushing off set when they called for a break. Seems like you don’t want to be around me” you shrug him off.

“There’s no issue, i didn’t mean to give that impression. It might just be my nerves. I’m sorry” you feel awful. You never intended to take your professionalism too far. Clearly you’ve come across as a stuck up bitch. Like you’re too good for him, that’s not the case.

“It’s cool. Look if it helps with the nerves, i was the same when it came to Captain America. I almost turned the role down and missed out on it because of my anxiety. But you just gotta take a deep breath and remind yourself that you’re here because you’re talented and clearly the best woman for the role” 

You feel taken back by him. He’s really down to earth. A quality you didn’t expect to be real in him. You’ve seen interviews and heard lovely things about him before but a lot of celebrities have a way of acting one way in public and another behind closed doors.

That very clearly isn’t the case for him. He’s real. Genuine and very soft in person. 

The fact that he took the time to come and see if you were okay and to squash any tensions. He didn’t have to but he did. It’s nice and endearing to see.

“Thank you, honestly i appreciate it. I’m just a bit off my game. I’ve not done much in terms of movie roles and this is only my 3rd role so i’m trying to get better with nerves” he flashes you a reassuring smile before standing up.

“I’m going to get some snacks, you coming?” you throw your phone in your bag and head out with him, accepting his offer this time.

“So what music are you working on?” he asks, shoving some fruit into his mouth.

“Just music, i don’t want to give too much away and risk boring you with the details” he waves it off “you could never be boring” your cheeks heat up but you continue to eat to ignore it.

“Seriously, you can’t just sing me something?” he begs, giving you his best puppy dog eyes. 

“Guess you’ll have to wait for that Evans”

“What’s your deal anyways?” you ask as you finish up with your food and head back to set. 

“What do you mean?” you shrug “your relationship status duh. I mean i think i’ve shared a lot with you today. It’s your turn” he nods “I’m single unfortunately. 39 and still single, quite pathetic i know” you stop walking, turning to him.

“Dude, snap. You’re not pathetic don’t worry. I feel the same occasionally being 28 and still single when all my friends have kids and are married but it happens. Love works in mysterious ways. It’ll happen when it’s supposed to” 

It’s true. As much as you feel lonely, you know things will fall into place soon. So you try not to stress to much.

You get back to set and continue with filming. It’s gonna be a long day.

----------------

You make your way back to the trailer, preparing to get some sleep but you feel your phone buzz when you pull the covers over you. 

‘I can’t sleep, fancy watching a movie?’ 

This screams trouble. You already spent some time with him off set today. 

Fuck it.

‘Sure, come over?’ 

You don’t get a response but a knock at the door distracts you.

“You brought snacks” you chirp, spying the chocolate in his hands. He walks in, kicking his shoes off and making his way to the bedroom area. 

“Someone’s making themselves at home” he grabs the remote, flicking through your Netflix that you set up on the tv. 

“How about a horror” you suggest, he agrees and clicks on IT. 

You both sit there, chatting whilst barely watching it. 

He tells you about his dog Dodger, showing you pictures and videos of his cute pup. 

“I just want to cuddle him, he’s the cutest” you coo as you urge for him to show you another. You move closer to him, a bit too close as you watch. 

Once the video finishes you look at him, realising that your face is inches away from his. You instantly back away. Almost as if his presence gives you an electric shock. 

“Longest relationship” way to change the subject.

“6 years” you respond, the memories of it all come back. He motions for you to elaborate.

“The relationship wasn’t all bad. It was good for the first year or two. Then it just got boring, we both stayed because we got comfortable. Relaxed. I guess It was easy to be with someone who despite me not loving him, we both knew one another inside out and there was no need to make too much effort. Eventually we both realised that it had to end. There was no hard feelings, we’re still friends. He’s married now with a son” 

You feel a little sad that he managed to find his soul mate, his person. the woman he truly loves. And yet you’re stuck in this rut. 

“How about you?” you change the subject before he can comment on how bothered you look.

“5 years, it wasn’t a bad break up either just didn’t work out i guess. It happens and now here i am. Single too. Just going about my life. Wondering if i’ll ever marry and have kids” he chuckles, you can see the embarrassment in his face. The way he’s looking down to avoid your eyes. 

He feels a sense of sadness too. He wants a family, this isn’t new information. You’ve seen the interviews. He’s always said he wants a big family. But he’s still alone and no closer to achieving that.

The more you talk to him, the more you like him. He’s so genuine and sweet. He’s got a heart of gold, you can see it so easily. Not a bad or mean bone in his body. 

Why on earth is he single?

He’s the dream boyfriend, the guy that pretty much most girls want. He’s sensitive, romantic and sexy. 

This will forever be a mystery after tonight. You feel like you know each other inside and out now.

It’s nice.

As time ticks by, it’s getting later. It’s now midnight and you’re focusing on the movie, you turn to make a joke about one of the scenes but he’s fast asleep next to you. You throw some of the duvet over him before lying down yourself and turning the tv off. 

---------------

The sunlight almost blinds you, forcing you awake. You desperately reach to shut the blinds but a voice stops you dead in your tracks.

“Wakey wakey” It’s Chris.

“We’re needed on set in half an hour. So get up sleepy head” he teases, throwing a pillow at you. You jump up out of bed, chasing him with said pillow. Ready to throw it back to him.

“Oh you are a grumpy one in the mornings. I shoulda known” you can’t even be mad, he’s so positive and smiley. You just toss the pillow to the ground and head to shower.

You step out to find him in the lounge area, coffee cups in his hands. He hands you one. 

You check the time to see you have 15 minutes left to get ready. You waste no time in downing your coffee and rushing to change before heading out with him to hair and makeup. 

The women both get to work on the two of you. Chris starts cracking jokes and playing music to lighten everyones mood. It works.

You only have two scenes today before you’re free to do whatever you want. Chris however has 4 scenes.

--------------

You finish the final one, you messed up a couple times but it’s all good. It was just a mixture of nerves and not remembering lines. You soon perfected it though.

A smell of bacon and fresh fruit fills your nose. Food time. You head into the kitchen to grab some and halfway through, Chris joins. He plonks himself down on the bench opposite you, a huge grin plastering his face.

“What do you want?” your voice laced with suspicion “nothing just wanted to eat my lunch with my new best friend” you giggle, stuffing pineapple in your mouth and starting a conversation with him about politics.

He’s really into his politics and you figured you should get into it too. You should really start paying attention and taking an interest in what’s happening around you.

He gets onto the topic of his new project A Starting Point. Telling you all about it and everything he has planned for it. It’s refreshing to hear. A guy that’s sexy, smart, sensitive and romantic. He really is the full package. 

If Chris is being honest with himself, he has a huge urge to kiss you right now. The way you’re taking an interest in his new project, asking him questions and really making an effort. It’s a turn on for him for sure. A huge one. It’s obvious that he’s attracted to you, everyone can see it. Everyone but you that is.

You’re not showing any signs of reciprocating the same feelings or even that you’ve noticed how he feels. But that’s what makes him like you more. You’re so chill around him. You treat him like a normal person not a celebrity. You want to know normal things rather than about his career as an actor.

“I can’t believe you saw me in the morning, i must have looked rough” you laugh, covering your face with your hands.

“You could never look rough so shush. You looked cute” you feel your cheeks heat up at his compliment. You can’t help but feel shy.

He’s saying all the right things. 

This crush is going to be the death of you.

----------

Filming has flown by. You’re on your last two days and you feel emotional. The only scenes that are left are the intimate ones. The sex scenes. It’s daunting to film but you have to face it head on.

Your crush on Chris and his crush on you has really developed. You’ve spent weeks flirting non stop but nothing much has come of it. Just that you’ve gotten closer. It’s friendship only as far as you both know. Neither one of you have admitted these secret feelings. Both of you unaware of the other feeling the same.

You walk onto set ready to face this scene head on. He flashes you a reassuring smile as you start the scene at the directors call. 

“Can you ever forgive me” 

“I don’t know” 

“What if i was extra nice from now on” 

He stalks closer to you, his hands snaking around your waist, pulling you flush against him.

He lowers his head down, kissing at your sweet spot, biting too. A soft moan escapes your lips and he stops. He lifts his head, his eyes meet yours and a smile grows on both of your faces. 

The director yells cut and you both have a quick drink before resuming.

No direct kissing happens yet, just some teasing neck kisses and flirtatious comments.

Once the day draws to a close you head back to your trailer, not realising that Chris is hot on your heels.

You shut your trailer door but it opens again. He rushes in like there’s an emergency. 

“You okay?”

“I’m good, i just wanted to talk to you about the scenes that we’re doing tomorrow” 

You gesture for him to take a seat, you sit down beside him, letting him talk.

“They are quite intimate and raunchy should i say, i just want to make sure that you’re comfortable with doing that with me” 

This is cute. He cares to check that you’re comfortable.

You reassure him that you are.

“Chris it’s fine. Thank you though, i appreciate this. But i’ll have no trouble doing those scenes with you” your eyes widen. Way to put your foot in it.

His eyes meet yours, a questioning look on his face but you find a way to change the subject.

You escaped that one by the skin of your teeth. He’s bound to bring it up again.

Hopefully he doesn’t.

-------------

Final day of filming has just begun. The scenes are seconds away from starting. 

Your character and Chris’s character are sitting on a couch. The energy right now has your pussy quite literally throbbing. He smells so good and he looks even better.

“You know the effect you have on me right” he says, barely above a whisper. 

“Why don’t you prove it” 

He picks you up, pulling you onto him to straddle his lap. His hands rest on your waist before gliding to grip your ass. 

Another moment where you don’t think this is going to be acting for you.

This is all you’ve wanted since you met the guy.

“You sure?” you nod your head in response to his question before he crashes his lips to yours. You can see fireworks.

It’s passionate, all consuming and he’s quite literally taking your breath away.

You continue to make out, moving positions so he’s standing up, carrying you. He leads you to the bed in the same room. As he lays you down, he breaks from the kiss, looking at you like he’s looking into your soul. 

The director yells cut and you both pause to get feedback before continuing. The heat between the two of you is evidently clear. It’s not acting. It’s real. It’s like all of the flirting and sexual tension has built up and is finally coming out in this scene. At least the chemistry will be believable to the viewers.

Once you finish the scene. It’s a wrap.

You’re relieved. The last couple months has been pure torture. Acting with him. Fighting urges and temptations. 

Everyone claps as you all hug.

You have one more night in the trailer before heading home tomorrow.

It’s not a boring night though, you’re too distracted over that kiss earlier to care about being in complete darkness.

You fall asleep shortly after, eager to get back to L.A.

------------

It’s home time and you bend down trying to shut your suitcase. A couple of groans and sex like sounds escape your mouth.

“Knock knock. Oh shit” he chuckles, stepping inside to find you bent over, packing.

You stand upright, turning immediately.

“Sorry did i interrupt something?” he holds his hands up “not at all. Just this suitcase testing my patience” he walks over kneeling down to help. 

“Sit on it for me” he instructs, you listen, sitting down.

He starts pulling at the zip and it budges slightly but not properly. He pulls harder and as he’s leaning back he bumps into you, knocking you backwards and onto the floor. You burst into a fit of laughter. He kneels down next to you to help you.

You’re a ball on the floor, laughing and snorting as you try to get up, you fail and probably look ugly but to him you’re beautiful. He brushes a strand of hair out of your face, bringing you back down to earth. You sit up and eventually zip your suitcase up. 

You turn to walk away but he pulls you back to him.

Chest to chest. Eyes locked on his. His breath fans your face. He smells incredible.

“I um, should probably get going. My ride is here” you gulp. His hand rests on your waist before his grip loosens. 

His time is up.

“If you ever want to hang out though, we don’t live far from each other. It won’t be hard to keep in touch” he starts but you finish it “sure, i’d like that” and with that, you leave him standing there alone.

----------

You’ve been back in L.A for a week now, still no text from him. It is what it is though, he doesn’t owe it to you.

The day goes quickly. You lounge around the house all day, bored with nothing to do. That’s when your phone buzzes.

‘Fancy hanging out? I’m going out of my mind here’

‘Sure’

He offers to pick you up, to hang out at his place. He can’t leave his dog alone. You give him your address and wait for him to arrive, setting your alarms and running out to meet him. He had a lot of security to get past just to get to your house. Luckily with him being famous too, he has the same precautions in place. 

You get into the his car and head back to his place. The chat on the way is mostly about what you’ve both been up to and turns out you’re both massive introverts and have done sweet fuck all.

It doesn’t take long to reach his place. Just as he pulls into his garage he warns you about Dodger.

“Just so you know, he’ll be hyper. I’ve not had anyone over in a while. Especially a woman” you shake it off and the second you step foot into his house Dodger comes running, jumping up and tackling you until you fall to the floor.

You don’t care though, you love dogs. And Dodger is just the cutest ever.

He licks your face and you pet him, settling him.

“Dodge, come on boo boo” he whistles and the excited pup sits, wagging his tail.

“He’s all good don’t worry. I had dogs growing up. I’m used to it” he leads you to the kitchen, offering you a drink to which you decline. 

You start wondering through his house, not realising that he’s following closely behind. 

“You’ve got such a nice house you know”

“I tried with the decor but had to call Scott in for help”

“It’s nice th-”

“I’m sorry i can’t do this” he let’s out a deep breath.

“Do what?”

You get closer and he crashes his lips to yours.

You kiss him back, your arms wrapping around his neck loosely. His hands fall to your ass again.

His tongue swipes across your bottom lip, nudging you to part them and make way for him. You happily oblige. The kiss soon gets heated. He taps the back of your thighs. You jump and he starts walking, carrying you to what looks like his bedroom. He lays you down onto the bed.

You break away, panting.

“That was so worth the long wait. God i’ve wa-”

You pull him down by the collars of his shirt, connecting your lips back to his. His hands lift your shirt off before removing his own. Your hands fiddle with his belt buckle, rushing to get him naked. He spots your need, standing up to help you out. 

As he does, you rid yourself of your clothes, laying there in nothing but your panties.

He looks down, examining you. In complete awe of the sight.

“Please” you beg, he slides your panties off.

He knows what you want, he doesn’t have to even guess.

This is just what you wanted. From day one. 

All the sexual tension is coming out to play. He slides a condom down his hard length, sliding into you straight away.

Your pussy stretches around him, making room.

He’s the biggest you’ve ever had that’s for certain.

“Feel good?” he asks, you hum, wrapping your legs around him.

“You’re so tight baby” he grunts, picking his pace up slightly. You pull him down and kiss him before breaking away and propping yourself up on your elbows, watching as his cock disappears inside of you.

It feels so amazing. You don’t ever want it to end.

“God, just like that. Fuck” you bite at your bottom lip, your eyes locked on his as he fucks you. He kisses your leg as he holds them up.

Soon enough, as you’re getting used to the mind blowing pleasure, he switches things up.

He flips the two of you over so you’re straddling him. 

You start bouncing up and down, grinding as he bottoms out. He pulls you down so he can take matters into his own hands. 

His pace picks up again, getting quicker than before. 

“Shit” you groan, head falling into the crook of his neck.

“Come on baby, cum for me” he encourages, whispering naughty things to you as he holds your body like it was made just for him. 

“Oh god Chris” your pussy starts to throb, your walls flutter around him. You’re falling over that edge, that sweet release consuming you.

“Just like that baby. I’m right behind you”  and with that. He twitches and groans. His mouth falls open as he reaches his. 

He looks so sexy like this. You’re both naked and vulnerable.

This isn’t like any sex that you’ve had before. This was romantic and intimate. It was sexy and nasty too at some parts. It was perfect.

“You know, i’ve wanted to do that since that night at the Oscars” you chuckle, agreeing with him.

“Me too. I’m glad we didn’t though. Clearly all of that build up helped us act better” you both burst into laughter. You’re not wrong.

You don’t know where this leaves you but for now you just want to live in the moment.

-------------

General Tag List:  @deadlymistress24 @coffeebooksandfandom @princess-evans-addict @chris-butt @holtzkinnon @mychemicalimagines @llamadelreyx @haus-of-bitch-talk @buckstaybucky @thewinchestergirl1208 @chrissquares @patzammit @adriannajackson @dummiesshort @cevans-fics 

Just Chris & His Characters Tag List: @onetwo3000 @persephonequeenofthedead

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!!!

[relenafanel]

Local, Mediocre Talent: A Meet-Ugly AU

Geralt/Jaskier

Find it on Ao3:  Local, Mediocre Talent by relenafanel

For the Modern AU Challenge. Week 1: Meet-Ugly

Tag: witcherauseptember

_______________________________

“They’re setting up for the live band,” Geralt observed, finishing his pint of ale in one long swallow and gesturing to Eskel to hurry up. “Let’s go.”

“They’re supposed to be decent,” Eskel answered, his body language saying he was hunkering down and had no intention of going anywhere. He took a casual drink from his own glass, still half full as a pointed gesture.

Geralt snorted, not believing that for a second. Eskel was fucking with him. “I don’t need the assault on my senses. The—“ he gestured around the pub “—is bad enough. Add some local, mediocre talent covering the best of the 90s and it becomes unbearable.”

“EXCUSE ME!” 

Geralt barely had time to react before some brightly dressed and way too loud (visually and auditory) guy got in his face. The guy was lucky that Geralt wasn’t the type of person to greet people getting into his personal space aggressively with his fists. He made a sound in warning anyway.

“Have you even heard us?” the stranger demanded, half-draped across the table so he could stare directly into Geralt’s face, his pointer finger an inch from Geralt’s nose. 

Geralt knew he should be taking it as a threat, but it was a laughable one. He considered chomping his teeth just for the amusement of it.  “No.”

“Then maybe you should leave so someone else can have your table! I don’t need to be universally liked, but this is just insulting! You’re just. Sitting there. Complaining about a band you’ve never even heard of, right in front of the lead singer by the way, like some kind of hot but rude jackass.”

“I’m trying to leave,” Geralt answered, shooting Eskel a significant look. Eskel, the ass, just looked like he was seconds away from bursting into laughter.

“Try harder,” the guy suggested, straightening and digging into the shoulder bag he was carrying. He drew out a CD in a cardboard sleeve and a gold sharpie, scribbling something on the cardboard and flicking it in front of Geralt. “Gratuit for you, darling. Maybe you’ll learn some taste.”

The man could do scathing sarcasm. Geralt would give him that.

Geralt stood, picking up the CD automatically, maybe out of some long-remembered politeness of taking something handed to him. It was also the reason he kept finding fliers in the front seat of his car. “If this is your idea of taste,” he said to the guy, gesturing to his vibrant sequin shirt, “then I’m better off without any.”

He walked out, enjoying the affronted gasp behind him way more than he should.

***

Of course, the joke was on him two weeks later when halfway through his drive through the Mahakam mountains, his truck radio gave out. Geralt, typically not the biggest fan of music, had been using it to mask the death rattle coming from Roach’s undercarriage.

He didn’t have the money to fix her until he finished this contract, and as someone who took care of his belongings it was an aggravating reminder of his failures.

With a sigh, he half-remembered where he’d thrown the CD from the night with the annoying musician, and one-handedly dug it out from the garbage. He shoved it into the CD player with little fanfare.

***

By his trip back, Geralt had listened to the CD a total of three times and had to admit it was okay.

***

(Which, from Geralt, regarding music, was pretty much the equivalent of praise.)

***

Geralt turned the key to start the ignition, tensed as always that this might be the time Roach didn’t start. Once again, she came through for him and the music came on automatically.

“What’s this?” Eskel asked pointedly, his tone and expression telling Geralt that he knew exactly what it was.  

“Don’t.”

“Oh, I will,” Eskel retorted, but then didn’t follow it up with any ribbing, which was frankly more disturbing than if he had. It told Geralt he was planning.

Fuck.

***

Geralt had listened to the CD countless times over the course of the month it took to save up enough to fix Roach. Without the rattling, he no longer needed the music to distract his ears, and he popped the CD out of his dashboard like a man freed. 

It was the first time he actually looked at the cardboard sleeve. It was just a stylized silhouette of a musician with the band’s name, website, and social media.

To my #1 fan

Jaskier

Fuck, he could hear the tone it was meant in. That scathing sarcasm that landed like paint thinner. Despite the tone, or maybe because of, he could feel the burst of pleasure in his chest. 

He was halfway through scrolling through the band’s Instagram before realizing what he was doing, seeking out pictures of Jaskier. He realized, suddenly, that he’d been listening to the man’s voice for over a month.

Geralt closed his eyes.

Fuck.

He closed the app.

***

(He may have accidentally followed the band’s page.

Then he may have accidentally found Jaskier’s page and followed that too. The man had 3,000 followers, he wouldn’t notice another one.

He may have also accidentally liked a picture, but no more than two.

Fuck, three.

But Geralt was old and social media confused him. Wasn’t his fault.)

***

“This is a lovely jacket,” Jaskier said, somewhere behind Geralt. “I love a man who feels confident wearing leather.” 

A pause.

“Oh, you’ve mistaken me, I’m flirting with your jacket. Leather looks a bit like I’m playing dress-up in daddy’s clothes when I wear it. I get leather-envy.”

Geralt closed his eyes for a moment, trying to work through too many things going through his brain. First and foremost was the realization of how easily he’d known that voice, despite only hearing Jaskier speak that once (and also every time he’d introduced the bonus “work in progress” track on the CD). Second was what Jaskier was saying.

Geralt had a leather jacket. Geralt also wanted to hit his head against the table for thinking that in the context of listening to Jaskier flirt.

Third, he realized that this had been what Eskel had been planning: secretly orchestrating Geralt meeting Jaskier again.

Fuck. He wasn’t ready for this. He wasn’t even wearing his nice shirt.

He wasn’t even wearing his nice shirt?! The idea he cared if he was wearing his nice shirt or not was the last, and worst, of all the realizations.

Jaskier walked by their table and then paused, backtracked, and looked at Geralt. “I know you.”

Geralt nodded, not far enough into his crisis to actually talk with Jaskier.

“Oh” Jaskier said, and his shoulders slumped. “Right. The gorgeous man who hates local music. I wasted a CD on you.”

“Not wasted,” Eskel said, while Geralt was trying to formulate a way to say ‘I think I was wrong, and maybe am into you’ in a normal way. Jaskier thought he was gorgeous and Geralt had a crush and a lasting bad impression.  “He listened to it. Didn’t you, Geralt?”

“Did you?”

“It was good,” Geralt tried. He didn’t miss that Eskel had managed to drop his name, casually, which made him forgive almost the entire plot of dragging him here in the first place.

Jaskier’s face lit up, which was -- fuck. “Did you?” he preened, leaning close to Geralt just like he had the first time. “Was it?”

“I… liked it.”

“Praise!” Jaskier crowed, slipping into the booth next to Geralt so his knee was pressed firmly against Geralt’s thigh. “My bread and butter. Do it again.”

His hand landed on Geralt’s knee in a way that was less to steady himself and more as a flirtation. It was something Geralt should and would discourage, right after he finished leaning into it.

“I listened to it in my truck. Every day for a month.”

And that. Wasn’t great, was it? If the way Eskel took a drink from his pint to hide his amusement was any indication, it wasn’t great.

Jaskier blinked. Then his expression shifted from teasing to thoughtful. “Do you normally listen to music in your truck?”

“The radio, sometimes.”

Jaskier tilted his head to the side.  “Then that is praise. Thank you.”

Geralt nodded, dropping his hand so the tip of his finger brushed against Jaskier’s. He’d always been better with physical flirting, anyway. When he tried flirting, his banter tended to have barbs.

Jaskier looked down at his hand.  “Huh.”

***

“Hi I’m Jaskier. We’re going to try something new tonight: being a 90s cover band! First up, a cover of the 90s hit Baby’s Got Back, because there’s a man in the audience whose attention I’m trying to get, and I never know what’s too far. And Baby, he’s got Back. Second, we’ll go for the Spice Girls Wannabe My Lover, because I totally Googled 90s music before getting up here and both of them were in the first results and I’m trying to make a point. What? It’s called Wannabe? Fine. Corrected.” 

“Sorry,” Eskel said beside Geralt, looking pained at the spectacle Jaskier was making. 

That was the thing. Geralt should hate the attention, but. 

But.

Eskel looked over at him and his frown grew deeper.  “Are you smiling?”

“No,” he lied, because even if his mouth wasn’t stretched into a grin, Eskel knew him well enough and for long enough to recognize that Geralt didn’t hate what was happening. He wasn’t not smiling.

On stage, Jaskier reached over to grab a phone offered to him by the bass player.  “Oh! Oh! Essi just reminded me of Damn, I Wish I Was Your Lover, like the good bro she is. Yes. That. A better suggestion than Spice Girls. I mean, I don’t really care if you want to get with my friends. Essi isn’t even into men.”

The drummer smashed the cymbals, making Jaskier jump.

“That’s my cue that I’ve taken the gag too far. We’re not actually doing 90s night, but thanks for not immediately booing us off stage!  And Geralt, maybe if you could slide into my DMs on Insta?”

“Joke’s on him for thinking you have Instagram,” Eskel observed. He was already done his drink and looked like he was ready to leave after sitting as the third party to some truly awkward flirting. 

Geralt didn’t say anything.

“You have Instagram?” Eskel realized.  “Let me guess, next you’re going to tell me you know what sliding into someone’s DMs means.”

Geralt shrugged.

Eskel squinted at him.  “You didn’t get a smartphone until 2015. You think Tinder is for pyromaniacs.”

Geralt shrugged again.

“Wooooo,” Jaskier said on stage, holding up both his phone and the chorus of the song he was singing.  “We have contact! Geralt says:  Hi. Thank you everyone in this room for putting up with my nonsense! You have great energy. Hold on, I’m just going to...” he said, typing into his phone. “Tell me what to say!”

The audience seemed to be used to Jaskier engaging with them, because a few yelled out suggestions, including one outright filthy potential sext that Jaskier gave a ‘are you really?’ glance to.  “Oh! I know.”

Jaskier: You really do have a great butt. I noticed when you left.

Geralt: You sure you’re not flirting with my leather jacket?

Geralt watched as Jaskier read the message and then floundered a little in surprise.

Geralt: I’ll wear it if you want.

Geralt: Maybe tomorrow night?

“YES!” Jaskier replied out loud.  “Yes! I have a date for tomorrow night. Now, we should maybe re-start this song?”

“Stop looking so smug,” Eskel grumbled, stealing Geralt’s beer and downing it. 

[lambourngb]

Get me out of here - places to go when canon is complicated

It’s Day 3, time to celebrate those stories that I turn to when I can’t deal with canon, or when I don’t have the emotional energy to untangle all the emotions I have for what’s going on in canon. Alternative universes, the safe harbor for us. Below are a mix of rewrites of canon, remixes of canon, or out right not even set in Roswell- to fill every type distance you want from canon- from near to far.

The first story I’m reccing is a long one,- so pardon the very long review below.

my love is a life taker by @jocarthage (267,600) So one day, Jessi popped into discord to share a dream she had about timetravel and being able to save yourself in the past basically, particularly Alex getting to give his baby-self a hug, and we all went, “holy shit that’s a cool fic idea please write it!” and really reality sucks right now with quarantine and whatnot, so what better thing to do than follow a WIP? I can’t tell you how badly I needed to something to look forward to as I was staring down a milestone birthday with all my plans in tatters, and this story filled the void.

Okay- now about the actual story itself, the world building about time travel in this is incredible but easy to absorb. Jessi dumps you straight into the action in chapter 1 with Alex, at 28, assassinating an Iraqi intelligence agent in 2009 that averts a bomb that was planned on US forces. You learn so much about both the story-universe and Alex here- one, that even dressed in mask and killing someone, Alex is kind and uses morphine as an overdose and has arranged for his victim’s family to be compensated, you learn that time agents can only visit places they themselves have visited during that time, and Jesse Manes had dragged his son, who was ‘time aware’ to every place of war and ruin on the planet before he was 18 and that, Alex’s victim, even as he’s dying, recognizes what a shit childhood Alex had but that Alex doesn’t.

The next part is where Alex’s time crystal malfunctions, instead of returning him to 2018, it takes him to 1998 where an 8 year old Michael is getting beaten by his foster dad and Alex, out of his time line mysteriously, visible to only Michael, saves him, but only temporarily. We all know with abusers, until you’re out of the house, it’s just a matter of time before the next beating. However, with one act, Alex at 28 starts putting into action (even though he doesn’t recognize it at the time) the steps to save his own life as he works to save Michael from his childhood. Each mission, each jump through time, Alex meets Michael, always a year apart and only for 1000 seconds, or almost 17 minutes. Jessi takes you through some of the darkest points of US foreign policy, only as Alex takes control of his life, he also starts to change the missions, and change the world. The details of places, people, food, etc are authentic from the author’s experience, if you don’t click on the links at the end of the chapters and disappear down google-rabbit holes about the events in history, well- you’re made of stronger stuff than I am.  There are lots of heavy subjects discussed, but there’s always care and honesty behind the intent. The way Michael grows, the way Alex grows, and of course the journey to the present time when they could be together? It’s like pining on steroids but it’s so wonderful. I wish I could pull out one thing that I loved in particular in this story- but it’s impossible, only to say that I love that I could disappear completely within the confines of ‘my love is a life taker’ knowing that I would be kept safe by the author, that goodness prevails.


when I’m oceans away by @neapeaikea (28,000) this is a post-2008 shed canon-divergent AU where Alex Manes, after the best/worst night of his life bolts from Roswell and leaves Michael behind. 10 years later, on the hunt for a child conceived at Caulfield, Michael walks into a youth home in California and finds Alex. A few things, I love that this author writes an Alex who didn’t join the Air Force but still lost a leg, I don’t really enjoy disability erasure in modern AUs (I’m better at looking past that in historical or sci fi aus) . It’s pretty clear after five minutes that the connection between the two men is still there and strong despite anger, secrets and guilt. The teasing and flirting between them is great but so is the acceptance of baring their vulnerabilities. I loved the care they take with each other, and the tie in to an alien child is just so perfect.

Crucibles (series) @ninswhimsy (9,000)- I’m cheating and naming both here, but obviously nin had her finger on the pulse of fandom, by writing crusade-set queer stories before The Old Guard ever boomed into a fandom from the movie. I was lucky enough to trade DMs over the ideas of holiness and the body, and how Alex would have treated himself, certain of his doomed soul, and how Michael would have responded in turn. It’s no secret I love everything Nin writes, but this series stuck in my mind. I will be drifting off to sleep, and think about Alex walking through the ancient city of Aleppo, ready to be done with his burden and Michael there with soft palms and scented oil, and boom! I reach for my kindle to re-read it.

no regrets if we walk this new road by @andrea-lyn (97,000) This author has written so many amazing AUs, some quite far away from canon events like her Mummy AU or her Avengers AU, but I have to say, I have a very soft-spot for this rewrite of season 1 for a lot of reasons. I mean, it’s 2020, so my appetite for Cop!Max is definitely at an all-time low, so the idea of exchanging his job with Kyle’s was extremely appealing. At least Kyle is a POC holding the badge, not a white man like our canon. Anyway, politics aside, this story is special to me for the scorching good Isobel/Kyle relationship that develops, the way Isobel sharpens herself into a lawyer (not an event planner) and how Michael rounds his own edges off in turn by becoming a teacher (and being secretly married).  Each deviation from canon made complete sense once you alter the way Rosa’s death affects the pod squad, and how they covered it up ripples out toward Liz, Kyle, etc. 


Layer on layer, down on down by @dotsayers (9,440) I love sci-fi tropes, especially time-loops, but they are incredibly hard to write (I know, I abandoned mine a while ago) so this story stands out because of just how well done the execution is and also the angst. Michael in a time loop about Caulfield, like how great/agonizing is that? The plot is so good, how it ties into Caulfield and why it happens in the first place, like wow.  The care, and the hurt, and the fatigue that Michael has in this story, oh you just want to wrap him in a blanket. There’s a tiny throwaway line about how one of the first things Michael learned to do in foster care was to make himself heavy and unmovable- and you instantly picture kid!Michael not wanting to be removed from a house - like my heart broke! The structure of the story, with the background of his just how much he loves Alex but how badly it hurts to see him die, really makes this study of 1x12 special. Along with all the angst, there’s tiny gallows humor lines, so am I weird, that I laughed through a couple of these scenes even as Michael kept dying?

Petty pace by @aewriting (11,600) Aewriting has a couple of stellar AUs, so trying to pick just one was difficult, but I rather feel this story is sadly underappreciated it (mind the tags). It was a remix of @iwontbeyourmedicine ‘s fantastic ‘Freaky Friday’, where the humans and aliens swap roles. Alex in the role of Michael basically was something I had never pictured until Ly wrote that story, and now feel utterly changed by it, especially with this backstory- the idea of Jesse Manes bringing a foster child home? Incredibly well done because there’s an off the charts level of menace in this story. The way Jesse watches Alex, who at first mistakes it for how a pedophile might size up a victim, but then catches on quickly that it’s so much worse in a lot of ways. And Alex is such a loner in the beginning, even as he reconnects with his pod siblings Liz and Maria, he’s still planning on keeping his head down and leaving Roswell far behind. Like freedom is literally the only thing he can conceive of for himself, no real dreams outside of that until Michael slips under his defenses. I probably could have saved this story for angst day- because the second half of the story, if you don’t sob while you read it, then I dunno. It’s helpful to read Ly’s story right afterward as a reminder that things do get better for Alex ten years later. In a lot of ways this story is sadder than canon (though there’s no murder of Rosa/4th alien), I’m comforted that at least Alex has Liz in the aftermath, alike in heartache in a way that Michael didn’t have because of the pact he and Max made about Isobel in canon.

Unexpected tidings by @bestillmyslashyheart (24,800) Another rewrite of canon, that explores a couple of very interesting questions, like what would it look like if Michael never made it back to Roswell as a kid but met Alex by chance in 2008? Imagine the cornerstone of the Lost Decade love affair revolving around the mundane questions of a long distance relationship that wasn’t built on the pain of the shed or Rosa’s death? Marlo writes an amazing take on this, that is both real and deep with the normal couple problems, before introducing that spanner in the works of oh yeah, aliens are real. With Michael on the east coast, and Alex finishing off his service in Roswell, Project Shepherd still entangles Alex with Liz bringing him in on the secret in hopes that with his hacker skills he can track down the third alien child that Max and Iz remember so they can warn him. As interesting as the current plot was, I found myself absolutely revitted the slow piecemeal reveals that Marlo doled out about Alex and Michael’s relationship over time. (I also while rereading this recently got very nostaglic for season 1 Alex who didn’t trust Jesse as far as he could toss him.) 

Don’t Punish Me For What I Feel by @winged-fool (3,600) Tarsus IV AU - another wonderful author with a catalog of great AUs, both sci-fi and dark, and honestly it was difficult to narrow it down to one. This story, well in 2009 I was a hard core Trek movie fan, so when I saw a trek-fusion story appear, I knew I would love it just on that basis. The thing is, this gave me Michael as the Captain, a surprisingly rare role for these space fusions, even though genius level repeat offender Jim Kirk and genius level repeat offender Michael Guerin seems pretty married in my mind as a connection. As a Tarsus-like story, all the tags are well earned by the story that Alex finally shares with Michael. It hit on so many levels, the hurt/comfort level for sure, but also to have a story where Michael is this stalwart protector of Alex was really nice to find. 

this isn’t the ‘holiday best friends championship’ by @usbournejez (6,090) alright to leave this on a lighter note, my final AU rec is this masterpiece by Kieran that was part of Malex Secret Santa gift fics- and what a gift it was to all of us! The way she writes established Malex is first-rate, because she always includes their canon-levels of snark/sharpness but it’s never directed at each other and that’s something I love. Here we have Alex, where we learn in just a few short lines, is a huge control freak but has the extremely big emotional handicap, and that’s his love/fondness/deserve to caretake Michael. Emotional cactus Alex who is soft for Michael? Love it. There are small drops of angsty backstory peppered in this, but really that just fuels just how sweet and wonderful the main theme of the story- which is Alex might hate the whole world at large, he loves, protects and worships Michael (and vice versa). As someone who can bake cookies, but that’s about it, I was still enthralled with the baking details and this story has never failed to encourage me to eat dessert before dinner basically. 

[elichorph]

ok hi i’m back with a second character ...

the member of the yale's elite, they're twenty three and a grad student majoring in film & media studies. they are as amicable as they are histrionic.

stats:

full name: gordon minjun teller nicknames: goose. gordon is for business only age: twenty three  birthday: june 13, 1997 chart: gemini sun / cancer moon / leo rising gender: cis male pronouns: he / him sexuality: bisexual & biromantic height: 6′1 hair color: blue (now blonde) tattoos: none piercings: nose stud (right side), earlobes (always have silver hoops in them)

PINTEREST BOARD 

blackmail:

while the public believes that goose’s family retired and moved to another country, this was actually released as a coverup because they went missing. goose withheld information from the court about their last whereabouts which could have prevented it from becoming a cold case.

he was expelled from high school after vandalizing a statue on campus and his uncle paid the school to go back on their decision.

he lost a third of his inheritance money to a cult he briefly followed in his sophomore year of college while looking for guidance.

backstory:

tw: implied death

right at birth, goose was adopted into the teller family who were pretty well known. his father was a young ceo of an oil company in texas. goose’s family eventually became public figures and tabloid favorites after a long riveting love story between his father and mother, who belonged to opposing business families. it really was a quick rise and fall to fame, starting when it was revealed goose’s adoptive mom, grace, couldn’t have kids, he was in her arms not even a month after and right out of them thirteen years later when she disappeared and the family really was never to be heard of again. 

but as the only adopted child into a family who had to keep their public image up, goose’s dreams of being a fun loving kid were crushed. really, it was strictly gordon - gordon on the tabloids, you’d see his baby face like aw thank god grace got to have a kid of her own <3 he was posted up at galas, listening to his dad speak about oil and shit every weekend and going back to his small private school every monday and it was just the same routine conditioning to keep the image of the teller family spotless and to hopefully get gOrDoN to become the next ceo.

that all kind of went to shit though when goose turned 14. his parents miraculously went missing (don’t ask me what happened i don’t even know) one night when he was tucked into bed. seriously, he woke up one morning and they were gone and suddenly there were police storming the house and he was being questioned and things weren’t routine or safe anymore. in order to still save face for the family though, news was quickly put out that the family went on a private vacation while the investigation went on privately. it was taken to court, people signed nda’s, and all little goose knew was that he his parents were going to a party that night and hadn’t told anybody else and he was too scared to tell anyone. at one point goose became the main suspect and he had to put his freshman year of high school on pause, but he was dismissed months after even though he hadn’t shared the detail that they went to a party. if he had shared it, they literally would’ve been found. eventually, there were no new leads, the case was declared cold, and an official statement was put out that the teller parents “retired” and “moved” to a different country that wouldn’t be disclosed and gOrDoN would be under the care of his uncle.

gordon was like mad though haha. even though he’d gotten his family’s entire inheritance as a fifteen year old and should’ve been happy that he was basically a millionaire, he wasn’t used to things not being in the same routine and actually having to make decisions for himself. newsflash, but goose can’t handle emotions really well and he got angry and well i don’t know if you’ve seen donnie darko where donnie literally put an axe through the statue’s head and spray painted “they made me do it” below the statue? but yeah, that. goose wasn’t slick though, got caught by security, and his uncle paid the school to let it slide and then sent goose to a boarding school in maruland.

he spent the last couple years of high school trying to figure out who he actually was outside of the tabloids and the teller name and image, and eventually got the hang of it by the time he enrolled at yale. he started going by goose instead of gordon, went into film instead of business like his family wanted him to and slowly started to blossom into the weirdo he is today <3 his dad was in the elites so he was able to secure a legacy spot and reluctantly said yes to joining. he was kinda quiet the first year, but now he’s all gungho to do charity events and make people happy and shit like that. 

his sophomore year though he kinda doubted the path he was on and his naive ass got roped up into a cult. anyways, he ended up trusting them a lot and donated 1/3 of his family’s inheritance to the cult and kinda blew it. goose was acting hella weird around this time though, i imagine people around him could kinda sense he wasn’t like alright for a few months. anyways someone ended up giving him an intervention about acting kinda whack and he realized and thankfully was able to leave the cult pretty unscathed. but he is deeply, deeply ashamed about his time in the cult though.

personality:

he is one gigantic deranged baby. like he is baby, but he’s also kind of crazy. if goose feels any normal emotion, it instantly bass boosts and he feels it in full. goose genuinely is so sensitive, he’ll physically flinch if you say something merely mean to him because he was used to growing up so perfect that he really can’t take criticism. however, he’ll do his best to patch things up by saying some incomprehensible joke right there and then. the only exception to this is the tabloids. goose has become so immune to them that he will straight up troll them back on twitter because he just doesn’t give two shits.

he’s incredibly kind. so so so kind (not really gentle though). the type to remember your favorite candy bar and hand one to you on a random tuesday. he’ll remember your name even if you’ve only met once and even if you didn’t give him your name, he’ll look it up somehow just so he knows next time. he loves to make jokes all the time. none of them ever make sense, but they’re funny to him and he won’t apologize for it. and he’s LOUD. you probably can hear his cackles and snorts and dramatic screams even when you’re on the other side of campus. he’s just a kid in a candy store excited to finally enjoy life, especially now that things have seemed to settle down. even though he’ll probably have a whole breakdown and a half the first time the blackmailer mentions his name.

yes, he actually believes he’s being haunted by jfk. goose had a string of dreams about him and witnessed some doors opening and closing on their own around the same time, and he quickly jumped to the conclusion and never thought twice about it. another strange belief that goose has? that he’s friends with a ton of a-listers. even though it’s mainly jessica alba, he won’t hesitate to tweet at extremely famous actors and thank them for getting lunch with him even if they’ve never spoke. multiple management companies have his twitter handle blacklisted. while he currently has blue hair, it’s always quick to change. for how much he dyes it, it’s surprising that it doesn’t feel like hay.  if goose feels a mental breakdown coming or simply is bored or needs attention, his hair color will do a straight 180. he hasn’t had a natural hair color since he enrolled at yale.

things that are very goose: beat up yellow high top converse, getting to know every person in existence, having memes plastered over his wall to make him smile after a long day, wearing fancy cologne to the grocery store because one cashier said he smelled good and he thinks it makes them happy to wear that, throwing a shoe across a crowd at a party, going to sulk in the bathroom or leave the party early when a song plays that brings up bad memories, keeping every movie stub, restaurant punch card, and lost button in a little scrapbook just because he wants to remember the good things in life, thinking the karate kid is the best movie to ever exist despite being five years into a film major.

wanted connections

since he doesn’t have any pre-established connections, here are some ones that could kinda be fun

someone who protects his naive ass <3

an ex or old one sided crush who hurt him so bad lmao. they really wouldn’t have to a lot to do that, but it would be juicy if they did

roommate? maybe? he lived in a really shitty apartment his first few years, maybe they convinced him to move out or moved in

or neighbors? like he will knock on their door 3 times a week with half burnt brownies to offer or because he doesn’t know where his tv remote is and needs help

someone who gave him the intervention about like “you’re acting weird are you okay” that indirectly got him to leave the cult and he feels like he’s forever indebted to them

someone who just despises goose and he doesn’t understand why and tries to make things better even though it just makes things worse

family friends? maybe? when he was in ct and his uncle didn’t let him come home with him during the holidays he would go to their house or something like that

gentle romance <3 maybe. Please

he’s their secret admirer and sends them gifts and flowers and writes them bad poems and recommends them shitty romance films

someone who takes advantage of how naive he is

anything <3 come 2 me or i will dm you or venmo you and force u to plot with me

[prettytoxicrevolver]

Instagram IRL | Jonah Marais

Warnings? None? Except I changed the prompt a little bit. oh and I guess I’m back? 

Requested? Yup! Hope you like it! 

Summary: You and Jonah were love at first instagram caption. But haven’t met until a certain blue eyed band member helps you get together irl

Word Count: 2,547 (we back with a long one) 

“(y/n)!!” Your best friend Daniel yells out as he walks through the door. 

“Living room!” You respond. You put your phone down just as Daniel walks in and you offer him a smile. 

“Have you been sitting there all day?” He asks taking a seat next to you where you throw your legs over his. 

“Maybe,” You shrug and Daniel shoves you lightly. 

“You need to get out of the house more,” He tells you and you roll your eyes. 

He was kind of right though. For most of the summer you had spent it either at work or inside switching between the same three apps for hours and binge watching your favorite show all day long. Considering your best friend was off touring and making new music you were bored all summer long. 

“School starts soon,” You remind him. “I’ll get out then.” 

“Not what I mean,” He says tapping your legs. You sit up and follow him into the kitchen as he goes to make dinner so you can continue the conversation. 

“Oh! By the way I think your band mate Jonah followed me on Instagram today?” You say sliding up on to the kitchen counter. 

“He did?” 

Even though you and Daniel have been best friends since middle school, you still haven’t met his band mates. Your schedules had yet to line up so you had only heard stories about Daniels four best friends. 

“Yeah. Did you tell him to follow me?” 

“Nah. He might have just seen us on my Instagram,” He responds and shrugs his shoulders. 

The two of you drop the conversation and you don’t think much of it until you get a dm later that night. You and Daniel were watching Parks and Rec together when your phone rang. 

“Who’s that?” 

“Jonah?” You say looking at the direct message confused. 

“What did he say?” 

“Hey!” You say starting to read the text out loud. “I saw you’re friends with Daniel and wanted to introduce myself.” 

“Oooh he likes you,” Daniel says and you roll your eyes. 

“He’s just introducing himself. You guys are band mates and best friends he’s being polite,” You insist. 

“Whatever you say,” He responds. He turns back towards the TV and you pull up the text and type up a response and send it to Jonah. 

The next day was spent how most of summer was spent, relaxing at home. However, Daniel actually had the day off and so you two planned to hangout. Right now you were just about to head out to run a few errands. 

“Ready to go?” Daniel asks entering the living room. 

“Mmm,” You murmur not looking up from your phone. You’re so distracted that you don’t hear Daniel cross the room, until he grabs your phone and starts reading your messages. 

“Daniel,” You whine out and stand trying to get your phone from the taller boy. 

He holds the phone above his head, and reads the conversation between you and his band mate out loud. For most of last night and today, you had been texting Jonah. 

After an initial introduction conversation, the two of you swapped phone numbers. You were quick to continue the conversation and it hasn’t stopped since. Which Daniel was now reading a conversation about your shared love of music. 

“Aww you two both like the same artists!” Daniel exclaims. “How cute.” 

“Shut it,” You tell him before snatching your phone back. 

“Come on I don’t wanna spend all day running errands.” 

It had been a few days since you and Jonah started talking and you already felt like you had known him forever. You made a mental note to punch Daniel for not introducing the two of you sooner. The two of you even decided to FaceTime tonight and you were hella excited. 

“What are you doing tonight?” Daniel asks as he walks into the room. 

“Nothing,” You respond and Daniel gives you a look. 

“Nothing includes FaceTiming Jonah?” He asks and you sigh.

“You know?” 

“You do realize I’m both of your best friends. I was gonna find out eventually,” He shrugs and you roll your eyes. 

“I’m going out,” He says picking up his keys off the counter. “Don’t stay up too late.” 

“Bye love you.” 

Once Daniel is gone, you start up Netflix until Jonah is free to call you. You felt like you were back in high school, waiting for your crush to call but you didn’t want it to be like that. Well, not yet anyway. 

You’re zoned out completely when the familiar ring of your phone sounds. You scramble for it on the coffee table next to you and when you finally get a handle, you see it’s Jonah. You pause your show, sit up straight and fix your hair before pressing accept. 

It takes a second to connect but soon you see Jonah’s smiling face on the screen and your nerves slow down. He was clad in a navy blue tie dye shirt and black basketball shorts. 

“Hey!” He greets and your smile widens. 

“Hi! What’s up?” 

“Just relaxing, watching Netflix. You?” 

“The same. What show are you watching?” You find out the two of you have both been binge watching the same show for the past three days and you get into a long discussion about it. 

“But that plot twist at the end!” You exclaim. 

“Excuse me what plot twist?” He asks and your face drops upon realizing you probably just spoiled something. 

“Nah I’m messing with you,” He says 

You roll your eyes and Jonah smiles wider making you smile out of reflex. This boy was truly a work of art. His smile went on for days and his eyes lit up a beautiful green making you go aflame. Every inch from the tips of your fingers to the ends of your toes felt like fire in the best way possible. 

You talked and talked and talked until it was way too late at night and Daniel had opened the front door. He walked into the living room and upon seeing you talking to Jonah he pops into camera view. 

“Hey man!” He greets and you can tell that Jonah isn’t sure whether he wants to smile or frown at the sight of his band mate. 

“Hey,” He says after a few seconds. “What’s up?” 

“Have you two been talking all night?” Daniel asks ignoring Jonah’s question. He’s leaning over the side of the couch so he’s in frame and you’re surprised he doesn’t see you lowkey rolling your eyes. 

“Maybe. And that’s your business how?” Jonah sasses and Daniel backs up. 

“Okay you right. I’ll leave you to it,” He says before walking towards his room. He pauses just before the hallway and turns towards you. He throws a thumbs up and mouths “good job” and you end up laughing. 

“He’s a clown.” You say and Jonah nods. 

The two of you end up talking till 4 am when your eyes are too heavy to bear and Jonah is yawning every two seconds. You end up calling it quits when Jonah nods off for a bit and you’re smiling as you fall asleep. 

The next day, Daniel shakes you awake from your position on the couch. It takes you a second to register where you are and when you remember how late you were up, tiredness hits you like a truck. You groan as you sit up and run a slow hand through your hair. 

“What time is it?” You ask as Daniel hands you a glass of water which you happily sip. 

“Almost 1,” He responds and you’re surprised you slept so late. However you didn’t have work or class so it didn’t bother you too much. 

“Have fun last night?” Daniel asks and you roll your eyes. 

“I should ask you that,” You respond and Daniel places a hand on his heart and feigns innocence. 

“I was having nice responsible fun do not judge me,” He responds and you ignore him and instead stand and stretch. “I’m going out to grab groceries do you want to come?” 

“Give me like 10 minutes.” 

“So Jonah?” Daniel asks and you shake your head. You stand up straight on the cart as Daniel wheels it around and swivel your head to see what aisle he lead you in. You jump down just as he stops at the iced tea and turn to face towards the selection. 

“Nope. Who were you hanging out with last night?” You respond as you stand on your tip toes to look for more Arizona lemon tea. Just as you’re about to start climbing the shelves to grab some, Daniel walks around and easily reaches above you to grab the sweet drink. 

“Answer my question and I’ll answer yours,” he winks sliding the drink into your hand and you pull away. 

“Okay Jonah. I think he’s really sweet and super funny and I kind of already have a tiny crush on him. Happy?”

“Very,” He smiles wickedly and you climb back onto the cart as he pushes down the aisle and into the next. “And I was at Kian and Jc’s party.” 

“Responsible fun my ass,” you joke and Daniel jostles the cart, trying to scare you. 

“You gonna call Jonah again tonight?” 

“Maybe. Beats watching ``How I Met Your Mother'' reruns.” 

You and Daniel shop around for a little while longer before checking out and heading back home. As you’re putting the groceries away, you hear your phone ring loudly and you tell Daniel to grab it for you. You don’t recognize who’s on the phone until he walks back into the kitchen, talking excitedly. 

“It was crazy man, Dom was there so of course things got out of hand,” He says and you turn your head to look at him. You mouth the question, “who is it?” And when he responds with “Jonah”, your heart skips a beat. 

“I’ll let you talk to (y/n/n) though," He says before handing  you the phone.

"Hey!" You greet him. "I thought we were gonna talk later?" 

"We were, but I missed you so I called. Was that too much? Are you busy?'' He asks, concern lacing his voice.

“Never too busy for you,"  You smile and Jonah reflects it. 

You head to your bedroom and out of the corner of  your eye you see Daniel smirking at you. You roll your eyes and flip him off causing him to laugh. When you get to your room, you flop down and turn your attention onto Jonah.You end up talking for the rest of the night, only pausing for a second to say goodnight to Daniel. 

"Ya know, we should really meet one day," Jonah says during a pause in the conversation.

"I would love to," You say smiling wider than usual.  After a few more tired pauses, you decide to call it a quits for the night.

The next morning when you wake up, the conversation with Jonah still rings in your ears. For once, you're awake before Daniel. You decide to start making breakfast, a bacon egg and cheese for yourself and bacon and eggs for Daniel. When he wakes up and sees all the food, he pauses for a second, no doubt about to make a joke.

"What's all this?" He asks and you smile nervously.

''Breakfast and a bribe." He returns the smile as he sits down to eat and you join him.

"What's up?" He asks taking a bite of his eggs.

"I wanna meet Jonah. But I want it to be a surprise and that's where you come in," He nods along and you decide to continue. “I wanna surprise him at the airport the next time he flies to LA."

"I love it."

Over breakfast, you and Daniel work out the details. When Jonah flies back to LA so the boys can  Hartworking on the new album, Daniel will find out his flight info and help you surprise him. It was the perfect plan and you became more and more excited as it grew closer. You were surprised you were able to keep the secret from Jonah for so long considering you two had grown extremely close and Facetimed almost every night.

"I'm headed back to LA tomorrow," He said the night before.

"Oh really?" You ask flipping over on your bed and propping your head up with your hand.

"Maybe we can meet up?" He asks and you smile, half knowing, half genuine.

"Name a time and place."

The next morning, you wake up early and run over to Daniels room to wake him up. You practically haven't slept all night, way too excited to finally meet Jonah. The boy you had started  to fall for. Daniel wakes up slowly, and you decide to make breakfast again as he gets ready.  Jonah's flight doesn't land until noon but it was a two hour drive to the airport.

The entire time driving there, you're antsy clutching the sign you made for him. You were excited mostly but couldn't help but worry about whether or not Jonah would still Iike you in real life.  You're almost certain DanieI can sense your worries because he reaches out and squeezes  your hand.

"Trust me, he's just as excited as you."

Once we're at the airport, we head to the baggage claim and I can feel extreme butterflies kick in. I bounce on the balls of my feet and every time I see a group pass, my heart speeds up.

And then I see him.

 He moves slowly down the escalator, a tired look in his eye. Adorned in sweatpants, a gray sweatshirt, and a snapback, he's taller than you thought. As he comes down, you hold the sign embroided with his name in front of your face. Daniel hangs back, and as Jonah grows closer, you feel an extreme sense of calm. 

"I didn't order a driver," He says and your heart skips a beat. 

"No but you did order a surprise,"  You say and move the sign to finally face him.

"(y/n)?"  He asks and your smile breaks open. 

"In the flesh.'' 

He sighs happily before dropping his stuff and wrapping his arms around your waist. Yours find their way around his neck and he spins you around causing you to squeal  happily. When he sets you down on the ground he holds you tight and rocks the two of you back and forth. 

"I can't believe you're here!" He says and your heart could burst. He squeezes you tight once more before letting go and stepping back to look at you. 

“How did you get here? How did you know?” He asks holding your hands in his and swinging them slightly. 

“Daniel helped me. He’s around here somewhere but I wanted to surprise you when you got here.” His smile widens and it sends and electric shock through you at the sight of it. 

“Thank you,” He says leaning down to place a swift kiss on your cheek. 

“Come on you two I wanna make some music!” You hear Daniels voice again and it snaps you out of your daze. You step back from Jonah but he keeps your hands intertwined. 

“Let's go!”

[jq37]

The Report Card – Fantasy High Sophomore Year Ep 17

Then Perish (in which the Plot is Happening No Matter How Many Nat 20’s you Roll Ally Beardsley)

Strap in my dudes. It’s a wild one. 

Last ep, we’d just entered the forest of the nightmare king and things went sideways pretty quickly. All of the non-familiar NPCs have been poofed away and Kalina is currently fully killing Kristen. Riz, recently cured by Kristen (something that seemed to genuinely distress Kalina), can hear Tracker getting further and further away from them in wolf form. He gives Kristen his flare gun, tells her to run, and looks for the pollen they need to make the Kalina vaccine. Kalina disappears and in comes Sandra-Lynn with a weird mandrake-y plant for Kristen to bite. But, with a nat 20, she realizes that she’s seeing an illusion and Kalina is trying to get her to bite and reinfect Riz.  

All of the Bad Kids try to find each other, using all the tricks at their disposal to move faster (Fly, Jump, Dashing, etc). Fabian gets the Hangman to meet them at the edge of the forest with Gilear. Kristen shoots up the flare (presumably to alert Gilear of her position?) and cures herself as she runs, trying to buy time.  Kalina tries to make a deal with her so she and her friends will destroy the photo of her and their crystals but Kristen is not about that at all. She just tells everyone to run. Once Fig catches up with her, she does her one better and Dimension Doors with her almost all of the way out of the forest (after Fabian hits her with some Heroism which gives her regening temp HP to help combat the constant damage Kalina is doing). This cuts down the rounds needed to escape from 44 to a much more manageable 12. She manages to just get out alive after 24d6 of damage and Kalina is stuck at the edge of the forest with a threatening, “Get you next time.” The rest of the Bad Kids also make it out without too much trouble due to all their speed buffs.  

After everyone takes a tight five to be like, “Welp, that sucked,” they head to the Tinkerer’s Hall to enlist help with making tinctures. Overnight (together with Riz--since Kristen has quarantined herself) they’re able to make six doses of the tincture. Meanwhile, Fig learns more about her bass and Gorgug gets a new Ax from the very grateful tinkerers. Fig’s bass does a lot to help her be effective while she’s being attacked by all sides but--most importantly (imo)--gives her a +5 to performance checks, something I think Brennan is gonna live to regret. Speaking of regret, Fig is beset by whispers of guilt for her “fault” in the disappearance of their friends. Let’s put a pin in that. Gorgug gets a choice between a sick lightning ax and a dope gravity ax. He picks the latter, which, among other things, gives him auto-crits on objects (which seems like a plot tease for sure). While this is going on, Adaine makes two days worth of progress on a spell for Ayda. Kristen, who is being understandably sad in the van, prays to “not knowing” and gets her spells back, clearly (to us at least) missing something as she rolls a Nat 1 perception check. 

The gang cures Kristen with a dose of tincture then they upload the video of Kalina Riz took with his tie cam (which, btw, can scan for good and evil while recording and only pings Celestial magic from Tracker and Kristen, Kalina doesn’t ping as either). To my immediate delight, they post the video (respectfully clipped to not include Tracker) as sort of a fantasy version of The Dress, and it very quickly goes viral as people try to figure out why some people can see the tabaxi in it and some can’t. 

Back to Fig for a bit, Fig realizes the whispers in her head berating her aren’t external. They’re internal. She says she’s better than being loud than quiet and attempts to drown them out rather than ignore them. Fig realizes that, now that she’s out of the forest, Ayda’s feather is glowing again. Using that connection, Adaine tries to Scry on Ayda and sees that she (along with Zathriel) are caught in a horrifying web with web going into all of their face holes. Ayda’s eyes are clear because the fire of her eyes burn out the webs but she's full on weeping. She’s also trying to use the bloody earring Fig gave her to teleport back to her (knew that was gonna come back, at least for flavor) but her restraints won’t allow it. This absolutely lights a fire under Fig’s ass and she is ready to go back into the forest immediately. Before they do, Gorgug gives his Van to the gnomes (since it was bought with KVX money) and Riz makes one of the potions into a tranq dart for Tracker.

The journey to the temple Adaine saw in her Scry is two days away which means a bunch of sleep and navigation checks (without the Van or Tracker there to cast a Moon Haven). They sleep in shifts with Kristen, Fabian, and Fig sleeping first. Kristen rolls and 19 and Fig gets a 17 with Adaine’s Portent. Fabian is the low man with a 10. Even though Fig seemingly made the check, we still get dream narration for her as she is met by a pre-horned, 13 y/o version of herself who berates her. But Fig (who has made the check and can leave the nightare at any time) says she’s so much happier now than she’s ever been and boom! She loses her College of Whispers subclass and becomes a College of Lore Bard (gaining the Cutting Words feature). Whispers banished, she finds she’s able to communicate with Gorthalax who tells her being a devil doesn’t just have to be about being “evil”. At its core, being a devil is about rebellion. It’s about flipping off the universe, something Fig can very much vibe with. 

When Fabian wakes up, not having had a dream, he sees a familiar, tri-cornered hat a little ways away. As soon as he steps away from the group, he is possessed and starts attacking his friends--brutally as per DM’s orders. Luckily, Adaine has a low portent roll to give him, Riz has a net gun, and Gorgug now has a super heavy axe which he simply lays on Fabian, restraining him. They snap Fabian out of it and Adaine can tell it wasn’t an ambient effect of the forest. It’s something that was actively cast on Fabian (the same thing that was cast on Fig when she gem’d Gorthalax). However, it’s probably stronger in the forest. They also realize that when the Baron thing happened, Riz was attacked but not possessed and he also didn’t go to sleep. So, if they go through the forest not sleeping, they’ll be safe from possession at least. The next three are able to sleep without problem (even Riz who rolled a 7) but, in the morning, they don’t do so hot on their navigation checks. Instead of losing time, they decide to push through to the temple.

When they get there, they see that it’s basically surrounded by skeletons, like people just showed up to lay down and die. Something above the entrance has been moved and they also see (from much more recently) three sets of footsteps joined by a fourth set halfway (boots, not talons or paws). Adaine casts Locate Creature on her mom but doesn’t sense her within 1000 ft. Riz takes point and decides to scout the temple and report back. On a Nat 20 for a total of 30 Investigation, he fully cases the joint in less than ten minutes. He sees a brick of Dusk Moss and a bunch of spooky books which he realizes means a ritual happened to take the casters almost further into the forest in some kind of non-euclidean direction. He sees a skeleton of a unicorn filled with webs and egg sacs which died looking at a portrait of a woman in a black robe with black hair but the face is destroyed. 

Riz reports back all of this to his friends and Adaine decides that she’ll shoulder full responsibility for looking at the potentially evil books, trusting her friends to snap her out of it if she gets possessed or something. Equally supportive in their own ways, Fig plays a countercharm for her off to the side and Riz points a gun at her. From reading the book, Adaine is able to piece together a lot about the mechanics of what’s going on. There is a tree in the center of the forest (the broom that was turned into a tree) which helps to boost all the illusions in the forest. Because of this, illusions are all more real. For example, illusory wings created with Disguise Self would actually grant you flight. The Dusk Moss used in the ritual was probably to give them some measure of control over the insane nightmares (as in, “I know this is a dream sorta, therefore I can’t be hurt”). Brennan says Adaine would probably be able to do the ritual with some time and study. Siobhan Galaxy Brains and scours her spell list for spells involving illusions for what she calls, “some fuckery” (“Give me the fuckery,” Brennan says, even the game DM). Adaine wants to use Illusory Script to write a spell that will allow her to do the ritual with the hope that it will become real. Brennan looks directly into the camera like it’s The Office and asks for a DC 30 Arcana check. She doesn’t get it but she does get the sense that the principle behind the idea is solid.  Anyway, back to the other transubstantiations. The Familiar to a Plague is, as we all already knew, Kalina who is controlling the illusions in the forest. The Spellbook is the KVX coin and is (1) aligned with the Enchantment school of magic and (2) responsible for the possessions that have been happening (ie: Fig, Ragh, and Fabian this ep). The Sanctum to Cottage is aligned with the Abjuration school of magic and basically a trap for Celestials coming into the forest and also will prevent certain levels of spellcasting as they get progressively deeper. And now back to the tree (he doesn’t say the school of magic it is and also he says there are four when there are actually 8 so I’m not sure which school it’s supposed to represent--Divination maybe since that’s Adaine’s school?). The forest becomes alive the further in they go. The more safe they feel, the more the paths will move around. The only way to get they can get to the center is by feeling fear and uncertainty--which has got to be simultaneously great and terrible news for someone with major anxiety to get. 

All of that is all going on in the main chamber. Meanwhile, Gorgug is in the hallway and Fabian is in the chapel with Kristen who is checking out the picture of the goddess. Kristen, on international DM’s day, rolls a nat 20 religion check because of course she does. She hears the goddesses’s voice in her head. “Why do you search for me?” Kristen says she’s really into the praise through doubt thing. Brennan makes her roll a Con check with disadvantage--13.  

He says, “I’m gonna describe what Kristen sees and then I’m going to describe what Fabian saw,” instantly activating my Fight or Flight. 

Kristen feels a wave of spite, rage, and betrayal from the goddess and then she feels blinding pain as the unicorn skeleton runs over and gores her through the heart from the back. 

“What praise will you have in death?” the voice in her head says, as she collapses, fully lifeless. 

The unicorn turns to a panicked Fabian (who is only not driven mad by his immunity to Fear) and says, “You should not have come here.” 

In conclusion, AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Detention

Brennan for Killing Kristen on a Nat 20

Using a Nat 20 to kill a player is such a power move and please do not let this placement make you think I don’t respect the unmitigated gall. 

Honor Roll

Adaine for An Incredible Piece of Fuckery

The fact that it didn’t work doesn’t change the fact that this was a Galaxy Brain connection that she made instantly and will almost certainly end up saving their asses. Mark my words: Before the end of the season, some Looney Tunes-ass painting a black circle to make a real hole type nonsense is gonna happen.

Random Thoughts

Emily’s constant awe at Ally’s dice rolls is so funny to me. She’s like head parishioner at the church of Ally’s dice. 

“Don’t bite the baby your mom gives you.”

Adaine taking pics of Fabian on Gorgug’s back while running out of the forest.

The teamwork shown during Kristen’s rescue? *chef’s kiss*

“It doesn’t protect you from losing all your friends in a forest.” Ow. 

Emily going, “Thank you Brennan,” like a little kid when she got her new bass’s stats.

“All of our girlfriends are in there!”

Brennan, upon being denied a wisdom save from Emily: You have to! I asked. 

Ice feast?????? Ally, what????

There is very much a world where the Bad Kids immediately leveraged Fig’s social media presence to get a better sample size on what was going on with Kalina. I wonder what would have happened if they’d gone viral with it much earlier.  

Ayda was drawn to the cottage with Zathriel because she’s part Celestial apparently. Are Phoenixes Celestial? That’s news to me. 

Also, on the topic, very Concerned about where the remaining NPCs are. 

The fact that Ayda had Fig’s earring in her hand while bound and unable to move much or do a spell that would allow her to get it into her hand implies that her split second reaction when captured was to reach for it and that was the one thing she could do before she was incapacitated which is A Lot.

Kristen keeps asking Riz to hold the tranq gun because she wants to look out for Tracker, which is sweet but you have -3 Dex girl. The kindest thing you can do is never touch that gun and toss Riz some Bless. 

The break they took between leaving the forest and going back Concerned me as it was happening. I was like, y’all literally anything could be happening right now. I had no sense on the amount of tie they realistically had to spare before something unreversable happened. 

Lol at Brennan clearly trying to throw some levels of exhaustion at the party and them just rolling out of it, no problem.  

I feel like Brennan knew Kristen was dying this episode no matter what and I gotta say: (1) I think it’s a great skill as a DM to keep our story on the tracks while also having the players actions matter and have meaningful consequences and (2) I wonder if she hadn’t gotten a Nat 1 when she got her spells back, if we’d get some information that could potentially contextualize what happened. 

I do not remember what the unicorn’s deal is but I remember it was mentioned specifically at the top of the season and I don’t trust anything about it--separately from the fact that it gored our girl. Was it speaking independently or was the goddess speaking through it? Or was it just the unicorn the whole time and Brennan was lying--not for the first time that episode? 

Fig being asked by her younger nightmare self what all the people in her life who had bad stuff happen to them have in common: Aguefort Advenuring Academy?

The image of an angel falling out of heaven and then rising up to flip off God and go, “F You,” is so cinematic that it makes me upset there aren’t animatics for this show. 

I am dying to know whether Brennan thought about the implications of making a setting where illusions are hyper-real in a game where Emily Axford is lousy with illusion magic. Did he consider it? Is there a mechanic to limit this? Or, next week, is Emily gonna say, “I cast disguise self on myself and I disguise myself as a super buff version of me with sick devil wings and I also create a minor illusion of a tiny, fairy, cleric.” What could stop her? Minor Illusion is a cantrip, guys. It’s a CANTRIP. I feel like either Brennan wildly miscalculated and made himself a double edged sword which Emily and Siobhan are gonna use to make him eat his dice OR he’s about to throw some absolutely unfair nonsense at them that even he doesn’t know the way out of and he’s trusting them to harness the power of the fuckery to figure it out. Either way, there are only 3 episodes left so I guess there’s only so much they can break the game in 3 episodes (she said, fully expecting to be proved wrong). 

“Crunch it up bro.”

When Brennan was talking about the ritual, he said, “Your parents and stuff” with regard to who did it, which makes me think Anguin was the fourth figure. But the “and stuff” is vague hedging language which makes me think we’re still being played. Brennan, tell me what’s going on in Abernant-Land, I’m begging you bro. 

One thing I didn’t mention in the main recap because it was getting long is the 4 transubstantiations were done on 4 gifts from the 4 tribes who worshiped the goddess The cat was from the wood elves. The sanctum was holy to the centaurs. I think the sprite was the spellbook which would make the broom from the treents.

Partial credit to @camwritery for this: Brennan gave Gorgug a weapon that, among other effects, insta-crits on inanimate objects. Which is a random ability unless a future plot point involves destroying some items--a la the pylons they destroyed earlier in what feels like a tutorial level in retrospect. And camwritery is the one who pointed out, hey, isn’t there a super important tree in the middle of the forest? Magic axe? Magic tree? Feels connected y’all. 

Everyone getting new gear and spells the past two eps has felt like that scene in Lion/Witch/Wardrobe where Santa shows up and is like, “Here are some weapons kids. Shit’s about to hit the fan!”

The fact that Riz escaped possession on a 7 seems to be explained by the fact that the cursed money is linked to possession and he gave all of his away. Which means Fabian and Adaine are still in danger, along with I think Fig since she kept her tour money which is likely infected. 

Anyone else get Wrinkle in Time/The Boy Who Reversed Himself vibes from all the dream travel talk this ep?

OK, I guess we gotta talk about Kristen dying for the third time in her life. Poor girl. She’s just trying her best to be a good person and earnestly trying to find meaning in the world. And what has it gotten her? Killed three times. And yet she keeps trying! The fact that it’s her makes me kinda more and less worried at the same time, you know? Because she is currently the sole healer on the team which is BAD--if Fabian went down, it wouldn’t be as big of a deal because Kristen would presumably just need to make her fright check and then cast Revivify. K-girl doesn’t have anyone to heal her (barring some illusion shenanigans from Fig or Adaine). However, Kristen’s motto might as well, “Whatever does kill you makes you stronger.” She basically has an at least 1 death per season clause written into her contract. If anyone can face death with grit and come out singing (and prob with some sick new powers) it’d be her. What an absolutely brutal way to end the episode.

She was mentioned in this episode for a hot sec I think--that racist ranger from earlier in the season--I don’t trust her. She could just be a one off NPC but I feel like there’s more to her. 

So I guessed correctly that the photos of Kalina would end up being a bargain chip potentially but somehow it didn’t occur to me that they could just...leave. Lol, I was like, “I guess they’re in it,” and they were like, “Yeah, bye.”

Kalina didn’t come after the gang in the forest the second time except maybe to possess Fabian if she did that directly. I wonder why that was. She had plenty of time.

I don’t like this spider motif. I don’t trust this spider motif. My spidey sense is going off re: this spider motif. I just want that on the record. 

This episode, Adaine rolled 1 Nat 20, Riz got 2, and Kristen rolled 3 but one was cancelled out by disadvantage. Meanwhile, Fig, Kristen, and Gorgug each rolled one Nat 20 each. 

[bipercabeth]

Hi you are such a good writer I was hoping you could give me some advice! I’m trying to write more consistently and more understandable for people to read, because I tend to just write my stream of consciousness and hope it sounds coherent but whenever I try to do that I totally lose my train of thought and the ideas I had trying to write it in a way people would understand? Idk if this makes sense, but how do you tackle writing out a story and not forgetting the details you want in it?

phew okay! i got all of these within 24 hours so i’m going to combine them and hope that i can answer them all. i’m both honored and terrified that i’m the person y’all came to for advice, that’s wild! i’ll do my best to be coherent. (also thank u ur all very sweet). i made a post about this a while ago, but it’s pretty half-baked. i’m putting this under a read more because i know it’s going to get out of hand. 

as far as software, i don’t think you need anything more than google docs! it’s what i use for everything and it’s so functional. you can access it from any device with internet, it automatically saves, the mobile app is decent, it’s easy to share, easy to format, and you can download different docs to work on offline! the share feature is versatile depending on who is reading, so friends can just view and/or comment and betas can edit/suggest. it has never let me down. 

plotting really is its own beast because it’s different for every writer. i’m just going to take you through my process and hope there are parts that will work for you! i’m also going to use examples from a few of my outlines (mostly roommates but i’ll probably dip into a bellarke one or two) to make more sense of what i’m sure is going to be a slightly feverish post. i really love plotting and talking about writing and i’m already getting excited. 

with writing, there’s kind of a spectrum of plotters vs pantsers. plotters stick by outlines and planning out their writing whereas pantsers go by their gut. i know people who write both ways, and there’s no difference in the quality of their writing or plots! it’s just about what works best for each person. i’m a pretty hardcore plotter, but i leave myself room to improvise and for the story to grow. 

okay, so my general first step once i’ve got an idea for a story is to open up a google doc, make a bullet point, and just word vomit every single idea i have onto the page. separate bullet points for each idea, but if i have multiple ideas that relate to each other, i indent to keep them together. the point of keeping similar things together is to make the next step easier: organize them. once it’s all on the page, put it in chronological order, or if your story has flashbacks, the order the scenes appear in. here’s an example of what i mean (from my bellarke superhero au):

it’s quite half-baked! pretty vague language, but it ended up being enough for me to write the scene. each indent further explains the point before, making it a lot easier to sort your thoughts and structure scenes once you get to them. it’s by no means a blow by blow account of what’s going to happen, but the language is just enough to make me recall what i was thinking when i wrote it. 

after that, i look at what is usually several pages of scenes told through bullet points, and i start to look for common themes to separate them into chapters. this is also where i try to fine tune scenes and clear up any immediate plot holes i find. i try not to force myself to completely outline everything in the beginning because i end up changing several scenes anyway! sometimes you get to the actual writing part and realize a scene you thought was perfect misses the mark. sometimes you write and realize there’s a theme or issue you need to address through a specific moment. leave yourself some room to grow! this is also a great time to weave in parallels, callbacks, and important themes you want to include throughout the story. 

this is usually where i start writing! if it’s a complex story with lots of research, formatting, or character building, i might take more time before jumping in, but these asks are fanfic-specific and fanfic tends to be pretty straightforward. for writing, i like to use a different doc than my outline. there’s less scrolling that way, and i find that having my outline open on the same screen while i’m writing really cuts into my flow. i end up staring at point a and point b trying to figure them out rather than starting at point a and letting the scene run it’s course. it’s much easier for me to switch tabs when i get stuck. 

that’s the majority of my plotting process! i’m going to leave a few miscellaneous tips that have helped me immensely down below. 

i find that certain things just don’t help me in an outline. scenery, description, and most body language are things i think about when i’m actually writing and fully immersed in the story. my outlines tend to be dialogue, bare-bones plot points, and quotes/lyrics/links for inspiration. dialogue comes very easily to me and sets the tone of the scene, so having it the outline helps me get into the flow of a scene, after which everything else follows. and if a whole scene of dialogue comes to you, why risk forgetting it? some of my best scenes have come from two pages of dialogue in my outline. sometimes you just know how a scene is going to go. 

nobody is seeing your outline except for you and maybe a trusted friend or beta. it should serve you! there’s no right or wrong way to write a story, so find the things that work for you! there’s a lot of advice in this post, and it all works for me, but there are some people who wouldn’t benefit from any of it. a lot of figuring it out might be trial and error. 

let yourself be indecisive! you don’t have to have every moment figured out right away, and some room to breathe usually serves your story better in the long run. i really didn’t have any clue where i’m going in either of these parts of my outline, but once i got to these points in roommates it became more clear what they needed to be.  

finding inspiration to get back into a fic after a while away is really hard for me, so i like to leave myself reminders of art, other writing references, reminders of the Energy i’m going for, song lyrics, etc. like so:

writing can be stressful! make yourself laugh in your outline! most of these are me objectifying percy but it’s okay i’m valid

okay those are my general tips! i know it’s a lot! you might not use any of this! but i worked for a long time to find the things that work for me and maximize my ability to write, so i hope this makes the search a bit easier for people who are starting out. feel free to come to me with any writing problems you have, whether that’s through my inbox or dms. always happy to talk about it. happy writing!

[rindomness]

I was reminded yesterday that I never shared the story of when half my players nearly got arrested trying to reclaim their tank

This story stared when my rogue decided to try and get a pet. Dragon. From a tiny store in a port town. He was offered a hamster. He asked about the hamster for minutes, and then immediately says that he tries to accidentally burn down the shop. I’m trying to lead him away from that and then he jumps back with, “I try to flirt with the shopkeep.”

Me, a confused DM: “what?”

Rogue: “Can I flirt with the shopkeep?”

Me: “uhhh... sure?”

Rogue: “so charisma roll?”

(We play a role playing-heavy game, for context)

Me: “no, nonono. You’re gonna roleplay this.”

Rogue: “o... okay. Uhh... so. I have a tank, wanna go make babies in it?”

The entire party fucking loses it at this point. Like, “the fuck did you just say?” Loses it.

Me: “ooookay, so, that’s a no. She looks at you, and says, ‘I’m sorry, I’m going to ask you to leave the premises.’”

Rogue: “I turn and leave before she can get a good look at my face”

We call a break to get food, amongst other things. We come back, and the fighter, Ranger and monk have some shenanigans. We then come back to the rogue and the monk, as the fighter and the ranger left to wait in the forest.

The rogue and the monk find the tank has been confiscated by the town guard, because a) the fuck is this armed wheeled thing and b) this lady told us about harassment. So the monk and the rogue plot a plot. Their plots involve: cutting off someone’s face and using it as a mask, killing someone and using their clothes/armor as a disguise, and c) sending the monk to run and jump into the tank. They eventually decide to try and talk using deception.

The monk goes to talk to the guards, lying about her identity, to get the tank back. This doesn’t work. Thy THEN use magic to set the monk on fake-fire, she runs and jumps in the water, the guards chase the rogue, the rogue loses all but one, then KILLS THE GUARD.

He has to hide the body.

I should mention that the person who plays the ranger isn’t in our call right now, and we were continuing because they told us not to wait for them.

So the rogue hides the body and the monk explains what was going on and the captain of the guard lets them take the tank, because they don’t seem to be... bad people, just. What the fuck was this

So they leave town and the ranger’s player gets back and the monk and rogue fill in the party and the poor ranger is like, “what the fuck did I miss what the FUCK”

Anyway this was an entire session and I was reminded I never shared this story while talking to another DM last night.

[incomingalbatross]

Met online asks: the Psmith series, predictably?

I am at long last getting to this! (and what, no, I wasn’t expecting this one at all... :P )

So I think what stymied me here is that... Mike is almost certainly a lurker online. I can imagine Psmith being a Personality easily, but Mike probably spends his time in the internet as inconspicuously as he can. And they need to meet as equals, obviously, so you can’t have just one be Internet Famous at the start...

BUT. Once I started typing, it worked out pretty well!

So here we go:

Mike has Facebook and Twitter and so on, partly for keeping up with IRL connections but mostly to keep up with cricket and his brothers. Tweets almost exclusively about cricket (though also about TV shows he’s currently into), actually has followers who don’t know him IRL because he has Informed Takes

His Twitter account is old enough that it’s not connected to his real name, and he doesn’t identify himself either because he doesn’t like the notoriety of being the Youngest Jackson Brother when he’s not even playing... what do you even call it? Do you call it playing pro cricket, nowadays? You know what I mean. He’s probably still in high school

So yeah his online presence isn’t explicitly connected to the rest of his family’s. His brothers follow him, but they’re not very active on Twitter, and personal communication in the Jackson family is mainly over group text, so the fact that they’re related doesn’t really show

Psmith, meanwhile, has a Twitter account that jumps randomly from topic to topic, depending on whatever the heck he’s thinking about at the moment. It’s constant Psmith Monologuing thrown out into the void, just what the internet was made for

His Twitter display name is Psmith and his handle is something like @ therealpsmith. No one’s sure if it’s supposed to be his last name or if his name is P. Smith or what.

(It feels weird making up Twitter accounts for them in response to an ask from you... but this AU has different goals and so I do need different Twitter presences for them. And I can’t see Mike on Tumblr at all, so that’s not an option)

Since this is an AU, I think they can initially connect over cricket. Psmith follows Mike first, and tends to retweet a fair amount of his cricket takes with his own added commentary. After enough of this (since Mike isn’t so high-profile that he doesn’t notice a new regular interacter) Mike goes and checks out his Twitter

It’s not all cricket and a lot of it is diatribes about whatever’s annoyed Psmith today. But they’re witty and entertaining diatribes, and Mike ends up following him

Before long Psmith starts up a long thread about something Mike’s already been stewing over--a plot development in a TV show they both watch, maybe? Not sure

But anyway Mike starts commenting/retweeting/arguing with other people who disagree, because the thing in question is Stupid and Wrong and the fact that people think otherwise bothers him on a personal level

And then Psmith DMs him like “The cricket connoisseur has come to my aid! I am gratified by your assistance,” and then starts talking to him, personally, about why the thing is Dumb and Wrong

From this they start chatting/interacting more regularly. Mike is, obviously, less loquacious than Psmith, and I don’t think their friendship solidifies quite as quickly as in canon just because they aren’t doing things together, but they still click

At some point Psmith’s bemoaning the fact that he’s so constrained by Twitter’s character limit (unlike Mike, who is “the strong, silent type, admirable suited to the medium”) and starts talking about how to fully express himself he should really have a podcast

Mike: “Why don’t you, then?”

Psmith: “You are right. Why not? Here we see the strength of a true man of action--direct and to the point. Why SHOULDN’T I start a podcast?”

Annnd then he ropes Mike into doing it with him so he’ll have someone to talk to. Mike insists, however, on only using his first name, because he doesn’t want this to reflect badly in his brothers if it goes horribly wrong

So they start a nominally-about-cricket (since that’s their biggest shared thing) podcast, called simply “Mike and Psmith”

(There’s probably a joke somewhere in their eventual fanbase about it being “Mic and Psmith,” since Psmith’s doing 80% of the talking)

Between their dynamic and Psmith’s ability to talk, it’s surprisingly successful--it bounces all over the place, topic-wise, but they’re just fun to listen to

While they’re not, like, Buzzfeed Unsolved levels of well-known, they get a decent-sized fanbase

(There’s a long-running fandom debate over whether Psmith is actually Like That or if the show’s scripted. It will probably never be permanently resolved)

They also start a YouTube channel for playing video games and so on--partly because listeners wanted to see it, but partly because they just like hanging out and doing stuff together

Mike has not told his family about any of this, BTW, because he’s too self-conscious about being mildly internet famous, but one day Margery stumbles across the show. He’s in for a lot of teasing

I honestly don’t know how they meet IRL--I’m torn between A) them just video-chatting eventually, learning each other’s actual names, and meeting up at a cricket match, and B) them meeting coincidentally, in some completely different capacity, and recognizing each other by their voices

Either way, though, once they meet they keeping meeting and eventually end up room/flatmates once they both move away from home (if Mike’s planning to play cricket, would he go to college? Would modern Mike be planning to play cricket for a living? I don’t know these things so I’m leaving that vague)

“Moving in with someone you made friends with online” is not always a recipe for success, but it works out for them. They were already best friends, but now they can actually do stuff together! It really just solidifies their friendship for good

(Not that there isn’t friction--the number of Shenanigans Psmith drags Mike into has vastly increased, for one thing--but it all works out, in the end)

Their podcast is an essential part of their routine, by now. I’m not sure how it develops over the years, but it stays pretty low-key... the core of it is still just two best friends hanging out, and that works

(At some point in the future, the cast may expand to "two best friends and their wives, who are also best friends,” but that’s another story, and one I don’t know well enough to say for sure)

[wecomrades]

Hi Linda :) I’m here for some advice, I could’ve just send you a dm and reveal myself but then I thought that maybe others can take advantage from your answer. I don’t know why I’m asking you, it’s just that you seem such a nice and smart person and I trust you? Anyway, I’ve been wanting to write for some time but I’m afraid.. I don’t know where to start and I suffer from anxiety, I’m afraid I will get anxious over hits and comments. What do I need to do? Hope you don’t mind, thank you ☺️

Hi! First, I don’t have enough words to explain how flattered and honoured I am, I’m just not over the fact that you choose me of all people to help you out. And I understand why you went on anon, I respect that, but I wanted you to know that whenever you need help my ask box and chat are always open. That said, let’s jump into the sadness.

Sadness because to be honest, the moment I read this ask, I was both overwhelmed and sad. I just kept asking myself: “why would someone be afraid of writing?” It just doesn’t feel right that a person has to feel like that. But at the same time I know where you get this fear from, I’ll come back to it later.

Where to start? Well, writing doesn’t exactly have a rule for that. I mean, I started writing about 16 years ago (omg that’s very long time) and it just... happened. I’ve always had my head filled with random stories, so I just started writing them down. Now, I speak for myself, if I have an idea I can’t just take my computer and start writing like that. I love plotting, it’s my favourite part, so I write my characters’ personalities, curiosities, random things like their favourite colour or music taste or just aspects of their characterisation. Sometimes even lines and random dialogues. I create them, I create the world around them so I have a full view of what my story will be. Then I start writing, I just let my thoughts flow through my immagination and try to stick to my main plot. Obviously once you get into it, things might change, I did sometimes change the plot while writing bc it’s just how it goes. So my main advice for that, if you have inspiration for a story or for just one character, create a world around it. Start viewing a story in your head, then the writing itself will be easier than you expect! For example, I’m currently writing a Band of Brothers fic with a female OC: I’d never imagined to write a long fic with an OC, but one day I was reading about a woman who was a hero in WWII, and she used to parachute into enemy territory... so my head connected her to the tv show and that’s how she was born. And from that, from just her, I create a whole story. It also happened sometimes that I had in mind a fantasy world (I’m very much into fantasy, my stories are basically just that haha bc you have no limits in creating that, it’s not that you have to do research - even tho I do like research, but it takes more time and energy), and from that I created characters and laws and entire countries... writing is this, is creating things, and there’s no way someone can teach you that. You can get some advice - like the ones I just gave you - but no one can tell you how to do that. You can take inspiration from everything and everyone, for me personally I get inspired from random people I see on the street. My final advice is: just go for that. If you have an idea, or a character in mind, create a background and go for it.

About the anxiety due to views and comments... well, that’s another story. But if you like writing and creating contents, you first and foremost are doing it FOR YOU AND ONLY YOU. Don’t write just because other people do. I know the feeling of being proud of something and then when you post it it gets zero response, or barely a few. If you think about fanfictions, that also depends a lot on the fandom. Back in the day, when I used to write a fic every two days (sob, those were good days!), I was part of a few fandoms; for example when I used to post in the Harry Potter section I usually got loads of views and comments, same with Merlin and Glee. Because they were popular back then. But when I would write a fanfiction about Chronicles of Narnia or Lost, they barely had 2 views per day. And it was always me, like, Linda’s writing. Only thing different was the fandom. Obviously if someone loves your writing but their not into the same fandoms as yours, they happen to read your stories no matter what. Others don’t do that, and I don’t blame them bc sometimes I don’t do that either.

So, basically, you just have to get used to it and not let it ruin your creativity. Believe me, I know how it feels; I stopped some long fics just because I didn’t have enough appreciation and I learned just after that that it was wrong. Because again, you write for you. For example (sorry for so many examples but I find them useful), when I introduced my fic Hélène here on tumblr I got so many enthusiastic messages and 61 notes on the post, so in my head I was expecting at least 100 views the first day! Why? Dunno, I just did. The first day I posted my fic had barely 50 views, but it didn’t upset me bc I’m passionate about writing and especially about this story I’m just creating, that I won’t let a few views and votes let me down. It takes time to realise that, it really does, but trust me when I say it works eventually. It also depends on the website you will rely on. If you post on tumblr you have people reblogging and so your post reaches other people and so on. With Wattpad or Ao3 or Fanfiction Net or whatever, it’s just a matter of luck and honestly how you present your story: the title, the tags, the warnings, the summary...! Also, I learned that here on tumblr time zone does half the work. If I post in the morning no one sees, if I post from middle afternoon/night I get quite enough views! It might sound stupid, but it’s just how social media works haha same when I post on Instagram.

But I’m gonna say this: VIEWS DON’T DEFINE YOUR WORK.

To sum it up: you have an idea? Perfect, that’s your start. You upload a fanfiction and it doesn’t get the appreciation you expected? Don’t stress about it, if you keep stressing about it you won’t write anymore. I don’t know in which fandom you’re currently swimming, but in the BoB fandom I swear to you that everybody is so nice and supportive! I didn’t expect that at first, I was so surprised and in awe and I just love being here and share things with y’all. If you’re new to the writing obviously it takes time before people get to know you and your works, so just bear with that! And for the comments, I personally love leaving comments, because I like the feeling when I get them and so I want other people feel like that. I love critics as well, as long as they have a purpose, bc most of the time they help me as a person and as a writer. Remember: if someone takes the time to help you out, it means a lot.

Well, sorry for this never ending essay, I hope it’ll help you somehow! I’m not used to people trusting me like this, so I hope I made sense! Please know that whenever you need something I’m here for you always.

I wish you the loveliest of days 💛

[bluejaytaco]

Yet again DND with Jay

(Another long one, folks. In our campaign, we have something we call a “Daiquiri Night.” It’s used for when too many people can’t be there or in situations where people are too preoccupied to do anything deep and plot-heavy. It’s pretty much a filler episode where we’re free to fuck around with very little consequences and, towards the end, the DM throws in small plot hints so it’s not a complete bust. It’s good for character development and getting the party a little closer.

Last session, we all drank and were expecting such an session. What we got was heavy plot stuff and horrible consequences. Also, so far most of the Daiquiri Nights are run by Ticket Master; being the only god who follows us so closely.)

Ticket Master: (Stopping Hennessy B from killing us and dropping Alabaster back into our party) Alright, so! Who wants to die right now?

Everyone: .....

Ticket Master: No one? Great! Now, who wants to go on a fun-filled adventure?

Everyone:...

Art: (slowly raises his hand)

Koejin: (Pushes Art’s hand back down) No....

Ticket Master, ignoring Koejin: Everyone? Great! Let’s go.

-

(We get pulled into a world that is just one giant Carnival. After giving our tickets over to Ticket Master, We all enter and start to go our own separate ways. This is where things become very character plot heavy.)

Koejin: (climbs the Ferris Wheel to see if she can see anyway out)

People on the car she’s standing on: (her parents, who keep screaming about being abandoned and how she let them die.)

DM: You see the parking lot you walked through to get here and then, far beyond that, you see mist. Above you is the portal you came through; it’s still open.

Koejin, nodding: Alright, I’m gonna head back down

Koejin’s parents: (riding on the car she’s standing on top of) You left us! You took another woman as your mother! You can never be forgiven!

Koejin: (jumps down once she’s at ground level) I didn’t abandon you. You died and I was five.

Ticket Master: (pointing at the now faded parents) Yeah! She was five! See? I backed you up.

Koejin gave him a little pat on the shoulder and nearly lost an arm for it. She then heads over to the bar to drink her face off.

-

Theodora, on the bumper cars: (Getting blamed for the deaths of her soldiers. She bumps cars with a young, fifteen year old Koejin.)

Young Koejin: Ugh, what are you doing here? 

Theodora:...I....

Young Koejin: You should just leave! No one wants you here; you’re ruining everyone’s fun!

Koejin: (In the bar, drinking real alcohol and being served by a bartender that’s not Ticket Master. In other words, having a good time. A Ticket Master portal opens by her head to show her what’s going on by Theodora.).... (Pulls out her bow and arrow and aims for Young Koejin’s head.)

DM: I want you to think about what you’re doing here. You’re about to shoot young you in front of Theodora. (Sidenote: DM also implemented a “sanity meter” for us. Anytime we see something fucked up or extremely jarring, we become a little more insane.)

Koejin’s player: I know. I’m still doing it.

Koejin shoots Young Koejin right in the head and Theodora has to roll a Wisdom saving throw. Luckily, she rolled a 19.

DM: So, Theodora. You don’t see it as young Koejin dying in front of you. You see it for what it is; Koejin apologizing.

Koejin, from inside the bar: I was an asshole. Come drink with me.

(Theodora goes through the portal to join Koejin in the bar.)

-

Hennessy, at the balloon shoot: (All the faces look like his team mates, He sits in front of Theodora’s.)

Vincent (Hennessy’s fiance), sits down at the Hennessy head: I bet you I can get mine to pop before you.

Hennessy, immediately suspicious: Alright, what do you wager? (Rolls perception to find out for sure he isn’t Vincent. His suspicions are confirmed.)

Vincent: Well, if you win, you and Vincent live happily ever after and he never has to work again. If I win, you fall out of love with him.

Hennessy: No deal.

Vincent:... Well, how about just the ring then? He can always make you another one.

Hennessy, noticeably more hesitant:...Still no.

(A Ticket Master portal opens to show Vincent slaving away at his work for Mrs. Red. His pain has him in tears but he continues on.)

Fake Vincent: You would really not save him from this pain?

Hennessy: (just starts playing the game and shoots water into Theodora’s mouth. The portal shifts over to the bar.)

Theodora, in the bar: (takes a shot and it shoots right out of her mouth. Her stomach starts to bloat and she starts to spit up water.)

Hennessy: (Immediately stops)

Vincent: (stands up) you know, Hennessy, you can be a catty bitch. (walks away)

Hennessy: (watches him)....and don’t you forget it. (Goes through the portal into the bar.)

Meanwhile, at the bar

Ticket Master, sitting on the bar: (Watching as Theodora keels over) If only there was someone who could destroy that water, you’d be fine! ((Another running gag in the campaign; Alabaster casting Create or Destroy Water more than any other move.))

-

Wreybar, over at the Test your Strength

Wreybar: (Picks up the mallet)

(Her father’s head appears on the target as she swings down.)

DM: You still have the chance to stop.

Wreybar’s Player: ... I’m gonna follow through.

DM:...What, really? Shit, didn’t expect that! So, you smash in your father’s head. Blood, bone and grey matter fly everywhere. Then, you’re entire family comes running out cheering and screaming “Wreybar! you killed us! Yay!”

Wreybar: (starts crying) I’m sorry!

DM: As you see everyone praising and cheering you, you notice something weird. There is one person not doing that. It’s your brother.

Wreybar:(goes up to him)

Wreybar’s brother: Wreybar.... what’s going on? (Unlike everyone else, he seems real)

((I was drinking so this particular convo gets a little foggy. But it ends with someone killing Wreybar’s brother (Almost positive it was Ticket Master) and the DM pulling her aside to discuss something in private. I’m typically the one who keeps track of the story so I hope Wreybar remembers this part well enough. If not, its our DM’s job to remind her anyways.))

-

Art, At the Fortune Teller (Koejin’s player: Of course you would go there!)

DM: You step in to see a robotic person who is a very racist stereotype. He’s dark skinned, wearing a turban, talking in a thick accent and saying, in a broken robotic voice “I aM a Raacis-t dePICtion! Wo-ould you like your FoRTune?!”

Art: Uhhhh, wow. This was not at all what I was expecting... Uh, is there a way out of here?

Fortune Teller: A W-ay OuT? Whaat evR do you Me-aaN?

Art:....Nevermind. Can you just... not do this? Turn into someone else.

Fortune Teller: Wh-o would you LYKe?

Art: Literally anyone else would be better.

Fortune Teller: (Turns into Alabaster) Bet-ter?

Art:... Yeah, I can work with this.

Fortune Teller Alabaster: S-oo... WouLD you lYKe your Fooort-une?

Art: Sure. Uh.... what’s my future look like?

Fortune Teller Alabaster: BLEAK!

Art: Sounds about right.

Fortune Teller Alabaster: (Morphs into Hennessy. All robotic jerking is gone.) Now, how about we talk about why you’re a piece of shit?

Art: ...And that sounds like something you’d say to me.

FT Hennessy: And it’s true; you are a piece of shit. My hubby says you abandoned your sister and I’m inclined to believe him over your lyin’ ass.

Art: Okay no. Hennessy’s the smartest one out of all of us. I know for a fact he has enough sense to not follow Vincent blindly and think I actually meant to abandon my sister.

(A Ticket Master portal appeared in the bar near Hennessy. He tunes in just in time to hear Art speak.)

Hennessy: .... (reaches through the portal and smacks the Fake Hennessy in the face. It melts away to reveal Ticket Master underneath.) You’re right, Art. I am the smartest person here. And I’m smart enough to know you have a lot of problems; abandonment is not one of ‘em.

Art: ...Alright. I guess.... you’re not so bad.

Ticket Master: (Hand on his cheek) Hennessy just slapped me.... what an honor! (Hearts appear around him)

Art, noticing this: Okay, that’s not at all concerning.... (Goes through the portal and into the bar with everyone else.)

-

Alabaster over by the Carousel  (Everyone to the DM: You better not fucking hurt him, I swear to god. ((We are all a part of the Alabaster Protection Squad.)))

Alabaster: (Sees his family near one side, his old friend on another, and Eris (the daughter he recently adopted) on a third. Sidenote: Eris was his old friend’s and General Blue’s daughter. Blue left her to Alabaster, but we ended up killing her long before knowing about Eris.).... (Sits by his family being that he hasn’t seen them in 400 years)

Blue: So, you’re gonna completely ignore my daughter? Maybe I shouldn’t have trusted you with her. Maybe I should just kill her now and put her out of her misery now. 

Alabaster: There is no need to resort to....

Blue: (Goes to Eris)

Alabaster: (immediately dives for Eris)

(Ticket Master Portal appears in the bar next to Theodora. She doesn’t see it until Wreybar points it out to her. This turns into a fight for everyone to keep Blue away from Alabaster and Eris, which everyone learned was just a heated water baby.)

Alabaster: (casts blindness on Blue)

Art: (Reaches in for Alabaster)

Alabaster, to Blue: You’re sight will return momentarily. And I promise you, Eris will be well taken care of. There is no need to worry.

DM: Alabaster, Art; you two look at each other and remember the first time you met, back in that pit where Thia saved you. You think about how much you’ve been through together and start to feel a little more at peace. Both of you roll a 20. If it turns out you somehow get the same number, your sanity will be at -20 (The scale goes from -20 to 20. Negatives are more sane.)

(Alabaster and Art rolled an 18 and a 17 respectively. The numbers were so close, the DM gave us both a point for sanity.)

-

DM: So, you guys are at the bar, having a grand old time. The bartender, for each of you, looks like you’re ideal sexual partner.

Koejin’s Player: (laugh) does that mean Art’s is just Ticket Master?

Me:..... yeaaahhhhhhh.....

DM, looks at Alabaster’s player knowingly: And what’s Alabaster’s?

Alabaster’s Player: A giraffe with Jeff Goldblum’s head.

Everyone: (laughing)

Me: Can anyone else see that? Cuz Art might be judging his best friend if he can.

DM: Nope, you can only see your own. But you guys are having a good time. Alabaster and Wreybar are understanding they both have a similar history and have been through a lot of the same issues. That starts to bring them closer. Hennessy and Art; you two now understand there is more to one another that you didn’t know before. You feel as though you’re coming to terms with one another. And, Theodora and Koejin. The two of you understand now that the past should be left in the past. There is a lot to work on, but you’re on the right track.

....(Personally, I think this would have been the perfect time for Ticket Master to send us back and let that be the end of the session. We were all closer than before and all that.... but the DM had a different plan.)

DM: The bartender shifts from your ideal partners to Ticket Master... So, he stays the same for Art.

Ticket Master: Well, now that you’re all closer, I’d say this is a time well spent. Now, here’s something you can do for me. (He slides a blank piece of paper in front of everyone.) When you’re ready, all you need to do is sign the bottom. No rush.

Art: (Sees the actual contract and decides to keep it to himself.)

Theodora: (Takes out a cigar that Ticket Master gave her and hands it back to him.) Here, so you’ll have a last smoke (she throws the contract back) when I kill you.

Ticket Master, frowning(A rare occurrence):... you shouldn’t have done that.

Me: Oh shit...

Koejin’s Player: Byyyeee Theodora....

Alabaster’s Player: (covering his mouth) nononono

Ticket Master: (his face opens up to reveal unspeakable horrors. Tentacles move out to grab for Theodora and drive her to complete insanity.)

Wreybar: (Moves in the way to share some of the insanity. Both are now insane, but Theodora is at least able to function.)

Alabaster: (Casts create or destroy water over them. I think the purpose was to get Ticket Master away from them. Don’t remember; was pretty drunk.)

DM: Oh god... shit! No...(Sigh) well, I need to follow my own rules... As the water comes down, you see a giant minotaur come from the ground behind Ticket Master. It’s Shmoogie. Ticket Master stops what he’s doing but, before he can say anything beyond “you don’t-”, Shmoogie grabs him and tears him apart. In Shmoogie’s hand, you see Ticket Master’s face. He’s saying “You have no idea what you’ve done!” Then, Shmoogie crushes it.

Shmoogie: You’ve all done well. We will deal with him now; no need to worry.

Skelly, at Shmoogie’s side: Yeah, we did good!

Theodora: Skelly! How do you know our buddy, Shmoogie?

Skelly: Well, I like sand. And I don’t have any memories, but would really like to have some so.... God of Sand and Memories.

(Shmoogie then disappears back into wherever he came from.)

Koejin: Well, good work team! No more Ticket Master.

Art, who isn’t the happiest about this turn of events:.... but now we’re stuck here.

Koejin: That sounds like a problem for Next week Koejin!

(And this is where we left off. I have conflicted feelings about this situation. Art is.... a little less conflicted than me....)

DM: Oh shit! I almost forgot!... you guys are sitting around, thinking about everything that just happened and, suddenly.... Art dabs.

Art:.... (hating his life and his creator)

Theodora: Art..... you’re so dated.....

(Context: Me and the DM are close. So close that we have a tendency to argue about anything and everything. This doesn’t work when I’m a player in his campaign. Which means, he decided that, inspired by a miniature I just bought, any time I say no to something DND related, Art has to dab. It’s a stupid little thing, but a thing nevertheless.)

[miacutie]

Fanfiction or Reality?

AO3 LINK

Wei Wuxian discovers a fanfiction site about him and his best friend/classmate Lan Wangji.

 As much as it horrifies him, one of the stories catches his attention.

READ MORE 

They're whispering again.

 Wei Wuxian's eyes narrow as he sees Nie Huaisang and Jiang Cheng talking against the lockers in hushed tones. They’d been doing this a lot recently, and it was starting to get suspicious. Actually now that he thinks about it, a lot of people at school have been doing this around him as well. 

Honestly he just wanted to go home already after gym, but he may as well get to the bottom of this once and for all.

 'No way, that's my brother!'

'Crazy right? Check out how many views there are.'

'Gross, I don't want to see Lan Wangji and my brother shacking it up in any form!'

 ‘Excuse me, what?’ Wei Wuxian says loudly. They jump at the sudden interruption, and Nie Huaisang quickly hides his phone behind his back. 

 ‘Nothing.’ 

‘Nothing.’

 ‘Nothing my ass, what’s this about me and Lan Zhan?’ He moves over to his friends craning his neck to have a look. 

 ‘I don’t know! Really!’ Nie Huaisang babbles, still moving his phone out of reach every time Wei Wuxian tries to swipe at it. 

 ‘Ugh, just show him.’ Jiang Cheng groans, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. ‘Then maybe they’ll stop denying it and cut out the obnoxious pining.’ 

 Wei Wuxian finally manages to grab the phone, only to be greeted by a website. A fan site…?

He scrolls through it and regrets it immediately. There’s dozens, no multiple pages worth of short stories. Short stories of him and Lan Zhan. Him and his best friend doing unspeakable things to each other.

 ‘W-what…’ Wei Wuxian says weakly. The site even has a gallery, full of photos taken from different perspectives of him and Lan Zhan hanging out together. 

A photo of him leaning on Lan Wangji’s desk, chatting. Another picture of him clinging onto Lan Wangji’s sleeve. Lan Zhan helping him tie up his hair with his custom red scrunchie. A photo of him getting piggybacked when he got a twisted ankle at the school carnival.  Even a photo of him fast asleep on Lan Zhan’s shoulder. 

 ‘What is this!?’ He chokes, thrusting the screen in Jiang Cheng’s face. ‘Why are people writing things and taking photos of me and Lan Zhan?’ He’s totally dumbstruck. ‘I mean I can understand if people made a site for Lan Zhan, but why am I in it too?’ 

 ‘Calm down.’ His brother gingerly pushes the phone back at him. ‘Looks like the girls in your class started it, and things got a little out of hand.’ 

 ‘A little? Why did no one tell me this earlier?!’

 ‘We were afraid of your reaction.’ Nie Huaisang admits. ‘Can I have my phone back now?’ 

 Wei Wuxian hands the phone back to him, feeling betrayed. How could his friends do this to him?

 ‘You guys can NOT show this to Lan Zhan! He’ll 1000% stop being friends with me if he knows this is how everyone thinks of us!’ He whines, distraught. ‘You guys KNOW how long it took just for him to stop seeing me as his enemy!’

 ‘Chill out, we won’t endanger your relationship with your precious ‘Lan Zhan.’ Jiang Cheng drones, deadpan. 

 ‘Hey, only I get to call him that! You don’t have the privilege!’ 

 ‘It’s because you talk like that is why there’s a website.’ Nie Huaisang supplies unhelpfully. 

 ‘Hey!’

 ---

 When he gets home that night, he types the url into his laptop and goes straight to the fan website. 

Wei Wuxian scrolls through the page, stopping to read a story here and there. Some were terribly out of character, like having Lan Zhan date girls to make him jealous, or Wei Ying throwing Lan Zhan aside after a stuttered love confession. However some are quite cute, like coffee dates or movie nights that he could see them doing on a usual weekend. 

The top fic there had a shocking 10,000 views. Wei Wuxian knew there weren't even half of that many students in the school, let alone reading a story about him and Lan Wangji!

'Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation.' He reads aloud. It was by some author called WangXian. They even had ship names now?

Skimming through the story, it seemed to be set in ancient China, with them being something called ‘cultivators.’ It even had his friends featured in it, from differing clans and sects all coming to study in a place called the Cloud Recesses. 

It was pretty well written, he had to give them that. He even laughed when the Wei Wuxian in the story pranks Lan Wangji with porn, as it definitely sounded like something he had done when they were kids. 

But as he kept reading he felt himself get steadily more invested in the plot, and the rich detail the author had put into creating that world. It was actually really good, he could totally picture it becoming a live action drama or movie. 

Wei Wuxian had almost forgotten that it was supposed to be a romantic fanfic about him and his best friend until the kiss.

 He freezes reading it, all of fictional Lan Wangji's romantic feelings and lust as he forces the fictional version of him against a tree. It starts to get hot and heavy, getting into detail about-

Slam!

He slams the laptop lid shut, embarrassed.

 No way! No way. This wasn't a thing. Him and Lan Zhan, they were bros, homies if you will.

 Wei Wuxian could picture the distaste if Lan Zhan ever caught him reading this. His delicate features would furrow and his eyes would go icy and the curve of his soft lips would-

 Nope.

 He flops himself sideways and pulls the covers over his head. The laptop charging light blinks back at him, almost teasingly.

 Squeezing his eyes shut, he wills sleep to come.

 --

 He is greeted the next day by Lan Wangji, waiting for him at his garden gate as always. Lan Zhan frowns slightly, cocking an eyebrow at his dark eye bags and dishevelled hair.

 'Oh this? I didn't get much sleep last night, ahah..'

 Of course he couldn't. Wei Wuxian had given into temptation and continued reading after ten minutes of rolling around in anguish.

Just one more chapter he had reasoned, and before he knew it he had marathoned the entire fic until it was 3am. Haggard, he had clicked the next chapter only to find out that he was up to date. That couldn’t be it! Where was the rest of it? He needed to know what happened next. 

Checking the date, it had been updated last Thursday, meaning there probably won’t be a chapter out anytime soon. 

 After a loud frustrated groan and Jiang Cheng banging on the wall for him to shut up, he had created an account and written a very enthusiastic review.

  fluterave420_6969

 This fic was BRILLIANT!!! You should be a famous author!!! Now of course Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji are friends and NOTHING more but  the rest of it was great!!! You wrote their interaction really well 

ヽ( ´ ▽ ` ) ﾉ

Plz plz update soon!!!

 Well of course he couldn't tell Lan Zhan about all that.

 'Don’t worry, I'll just grab a coffee and I'll be fine and dandy.' Wei Wuxian chirps, flattening his hair down as they walk side by side to school.

Lan Wangji is silent as usual on their morning walks. Wei Wuxian chances a side glance at his elegant profile.

He's pretty, he thinks vaguely. Well obviously he's always known, but like, in a platonic way. Like how one would find a lotus flower beautiful, or a sunset.

The people in school definitely knew. They would always talk about Lan Zhan being as beautiful as a sculpted piece of jade, but if you looked at him his gaze would turn you into stone. Didn’t stop the girls from pursuing him though. He had once borrowed Lan Zhan’s phone to make a call, and that man’s conversation history was filled top to bottom with thirsty girls in his DMs. All the messages were ignored of course, the only messages being replied to being his brother, Lan Qiren and of course Wei Ying.

 He had been thrilled, bragging about it to Jiang Cheng (‘I don’t care.’) and Wen Ning (‘Oh good for you!’) before adding a bunch of heart kaomojis next to his name in Lan Zhan’s phone. Surprisingly Lan Zhan hadn’t changed it since then. 

 Soon it was lunchtime and as usual they would eat lunch together under the sycamore tree outside. It was always their spot, since this tree had the exact right amount of shade and sometimes this wild rabbit would come into the garden. Lan Zhan would leave behind bits of carrot, trying hard to win its trust. Wei Ying thought it was cute, so they had been sitting out there everyday for the past 6 months hoping to catch a glimpse of the furry black rabbit. 

 Today he didn’t feel hungry, deciding to save the lunch Jiang Yanli made for him for another time. Yawning, he wants to ask Lan Zhan to borrow his lap, but after what he read last night it might be too weird.

 Suddenly he hears a giggle behind him. 

 There was a group of girls nearby, who after making eye contact with him quickly whipped their heads back pretending to eat their lunch. 

Usually he would assume they were part of Lan Zhan’s fan club, but now he suspects they had different intentions. 

‘Eat.' Lan Wangji interrupts his thoughts, holding a lotus piece out of his own meal with his chopsticks.

Tearing his eyes away from the girls, he shakes his head. 'No no!' Wei Wuxian flaunters. He can hear the girls muffled squeals, and was that a camera shutter?  'You really don't have to! I'm not that hungry anyway.' 

'Wei Ying.' He fixes him with a disapproving stare, pinning him down with it. Wei Wuxian really doesn’t want to make more fodder for these girls fantasies. He always wanted to be popular with the girls, but not like this.

Reluctantly, he gingerly takes the lotus piece in his mouth from Lan Zhans chopsticks. He’s halfway through chewing before he hears a whisper that on a usual day he wouldn’t have noticed. 

'He's feeding him!! That's so domestic!'

Wei Wuxian chokes on his lotus piece, coughing loudly to Lan Wangji’s alarm. He hits him on the back a few times, until his face returns to its usual colour. 

'Lan Zhan, you really shouldn’t encourage them...' He says weakly. 

‘Hmn?’

‘Never mind…’ 

--

 So, here he was in after school detention again. He had forgotten to submit his homework after being distracted last night and Lan Qiren had given him a verbal beating for it. Luckily the teacher had refused to give up his afterschool hours to supervise and trusted Lan Zhan who had volunteered to watch over him instead.

Lan Zhan had silently joined him at his desk, quietly reading some novel as Wei Wuxian mulled over a math problem. To be honest, he couldn't concentrate; his mind was always drifting to the fan website. As much as he was disturbed by its existence, he couldn’t deny how much he had enjoyed that one story he had read. Was there an update yet? Chancing it, he brings out his phone behind his textbook to refresh the page.

To his shock, the fic's view count had increased by a few hundred from last night. There were a couple of new comments too and he scrolls down to read them. 

 Swordbois172

 This update was so good!! I can really feel the love between them <3333 Such burning passion!

 3000rules

 Actually I saw hanguang-jun and wei wuxian having lunch together today :O they were feeding each other! So domestic.

 BewareofIncenseBurners

 Dude, respect their privacy. Do you really want to get perma banned?

 3000rules

 Shut up, you were there too!! srsly who died and made you mod

 Rabbitsalesperson

 Lol get real if we respected their privacy we wouldn't even be here lol  X___x let's hope they never discover this dumpster fire.

 >Comment Removed<

 >Comment Removed<

  WenNing

 What a great chapter!

 Wait. Wen Ning?! What was Wen Ning doing in the comment section? Also, who uses their real name on the internet?

 'Wei Ying. Pay attention.'

 He jumps in his seat, guilty that he had been caught reading about them in front of the person himself.

 'Aww but it's so boring! I can't concentrate.'

 'You were on your phone.'

 'I, well, started reading something recently. A novel.' He says, settling for a half lie. I mean fanfiction counts as a novel, right?

 Lan Wangji's eyebrow raises, and he tilts his head to look at Wei Wuxian's phone.

 'No!'

 He  almost throws the phone out the window in his rush to turn it off. Lan Zhan looks at him, bewildered.

 'Sorry! I was lying, it was porn.'

 Lan Wangji blinks at him before settling into a deadpan expression. Rolling his eyes, he  goes back to his book.

This scene felt familiar.

 'Lan Zhan. Lan Zhaan. I'm sorry, I'll work diligently.' He whines, genuinely apologetic. 'I know you waited here for me to keep me company when you could've just gone home.' 

 His best friend's golden eyes soften just a tad.

 'If you understand, finish your work quickly.'

 'Okay!'

 ---

 They’re having another one of their movie nights, watching some drama at Wei Wuxian’s place. He had his head on Lan Zhan’s shoulder, trying to fight sleep that was overcoming him. 

His mind was drifting over to that cave scene in the story, and he tries to picture his best friend in white robes and an elegant headband playing the guqin. Lan Zhan was pretty enough so it would probably work. The one thing he couldn’t picture though was what the song he sang to the Wei Ying in the fanfiction sounded like. 

Actually he wasn’t sure what Lan Zhan’s singing voice sounded like at all. He had always shot down his invitations for karaoke, but that was most likely because his other friends were there too. 

 ‘Hey, Lan Zhan. I’ve never heard you sing.’ He really wanted to hear it now. 

 ‘...’

 ‘C’mon singgg for meeeeeee~ Your voice probably sounds like one of an angel, and I would have never known! We could make your c-pop idol debut!’

 ‘No.’

 He pouts, ‘Okay fine, you probably sound like a dying rat anyway.’ 

 ‘...’

 ‘Hmmn then again Lan Zhan is so perfect at everything, I bet you’d sound good even as a rat.’ Wei Wuxian murmurs sleepily. He slips off his shoulder to lean into Lan Zhan’s lap. Lan Wangji adjusts himself so they were in a more comfortable position. 

‘Don’t forget me when you’re famous okay? I could even be your backing instrumental. We could go to the same university, join the same company, live in the same apartment....’

 He thinks he can see Lan Zhan nod slightly from his shuttering vision. 

 ‘Even buried together in the same grave!’ Wei Wuxian jokes, a smile stretched across his face. He could imagine the field day those girls would have if they could hear him now.

But he’s glad that it was just the two of them, in Wei Ying’s little room with no one to take photos or question his relationship with Lan Zhan. I mean he’s seen k-pop compilations of the members doing way more affectionate stuff than what he was doing right now. Jiang Cheng totally had it all wrong, since he hadn’t experienced the magic of true friendship. 

 ‘We’ll stay together forever, yeah?’ 

 ‘Mn.’ Lan Wangji responds, carding his fingers through Wei Wuxian’s hair. 

 He laughs a little, grateful at having someone like him in his life. Yawning, he falls asleep on Lan Zhan’s lap, just like that. 

[thelastarchangelaskblog]

Session 16

This is our most recent session! Our DM ( @the-grey-hunt) titled it “Oh Boy Guys” in her session notes after we were done, which goes to show just what...uh...happened.

A lot. An...unexpected amount. Including something our DM didn’t expect to happen for another three plot points but I don’t know what she was expecting with that curve ball she threw at us. (Her status on Discord is now back to RECALCULATING.)

Anyway, our entire party was present but for @imagine1117, which was a bit...unfortunate.

So what happened anyway?

**

(Read more.)

It’s still raining outside, and we’re no longer in S.H.I.E.L.D.’s headquarters and have never been in Ankh before but really do need somewhere to stay.

@heliocentricgeometric: I'm thinking about what this anxious weirdo would do.

Tony just asks a random gnome where an inn is that they can stay at, and they’re directed to a nice boarding house that has 3 rooms we split between the six of us. Once we’re dried off, we reconvene in one room to discuss S.H.I.E.L.D.

Zira is adamant that she’s joining but no one else has to. Rhodey ( @rebaobsessions) is just as adamant that she’s not going to join it alone and DJ (doxblogsstuff) agrees.

But what about Tony? He’s not a fan of joining a shady organization, although he doesn’t specifically list his reasons for why. He does state he’s willing to ally with them as an independent contractor.

Tony: I'm not going off by myself.

Rhodey: Good.

DJ has doubts about this plan, since he doesn’t think Fury will agree to an independent contractor role.

DJ: Cranky Pants made it sound like it was a black-and-white choice. I don't know if he's been paying attention, but there's a lot of grey out there.

Tony: Shady organizations that think in black-and-white aren’t organizations I want to join.

Bob ( @thechaoticwave​) hasn’t agreed to joining either! He states he needs more information and just left with more questions after talking to Fury and getting some answers.

There’s a meta joke among us about the fact that Bob occasionally also has the name Tony and he and Tony can make a detective club. Zira suggests Tony become a detective and the joke spirals from there.

DM: Tony & Tony Private Detectives

thechaoticwave: Tony-squared.

Dox: T-squared. Their calling card is a t-square nailed to the door.

Back in game, Tony is stating his own decision shouldn’t affect anyone else’s, but Rhodey doesn’t want to leave him alone.

Rhodey: You’re not going anywhere without me by your side.

Tony: I’m not asking you for that.

Rhodey: You don’t get to ask or not ask me that— It’s already given, Tony. It’s already given.

(MY HEART, GUYS)

The conversation doesn’t really have a resolution since Bob still needs more info and Tony is resolutely not joining S.H.I.E.L.D. We wait for the rain to stop before heading down and do some errands.

DJ wants to visit the store his relatives have here since it’s an Artificing store. He invites Tony since it’ll be cool for Tony to check out. Tony agrees to come along but will have to leave for his own errands.

DJ asks the head of the inn where his relatives’ store is, actually using their name. He tries being stealthy but it’s not quiet enough to get past our groups’ passive perception.

There are...reactions among the players.

DJ last name reveal.

inu: wait WHAT WAS THAT

Everyone else: JAMJAR

There are Jar Jar Binks gifs going around in the lurking chat, and Tony in-game is going what very, very quietly.

In the meantime, Zira is interested in why DJ is wanting to go shopping and what is this about holidays?

Zira: We need to jump back. We need to jump way back. What holiday?

An explanation later that involves the practice of gift giving.

Zira: Does this mean I should be getting gifts for you? I don't even know what you like! I mean...explosions?

Some other folks are like...I don’t know if I can find a good gift since I’m terrible in real life. (coughrebacough)

inu (in lurking chat): Now I have an idea for DJ's gift.

Everyone else in voice chat: Oh no.

We do eventually find our way to JamJar Jar Jar Artificers.

The proprietors: Welcome to Jamjar Artificers ...Have I met you before?

DJ, their relative: I'm Junior.

Madi and Mani are the twin proprietors of a store that sells absolutely nothing made by actual artificers. Tony is familiar with almost everything in the store and is an actual artificer. The stores’ contents are also super expensive and we don’t have the funds because our DM hasn’t provided us with a ton of loot drops...

Zira: Being hunted for sport actually doesn't pay very well.

DJ: I could have used a little more gold and a little less near death experiences.

Madi and Mani would really like DJ to buy this cat figurine that has been in their store for absolutely ages. (Please guess which cats this figurine is modeled after. Please.) It’s still 75 gp but they’re willing to knock down the price!

After some more exploring, Tony eventually gives DJ everyone else’s money bags and leaves on his own errands.

He manages to find his way back down to the first floor, upon which he...senses a little something...a little something familiar.

It’s Balthazar.

Balthazar is here.

Balthazar is physically here.

He’s here and painting a mural on the wall!!

Tony has absolutely no idea what to do, but he’s too curious for his own good to just leave without acknowledging his brother in some way. It’s been two years since he’s last seen him in person!

Tony says something nice about Balthazar’s painting, getting his attention. Balthazar turns to him, presumably about to say something nice, 

There’s a moment, and then Balthazar sees the signet ring Tony has.

Balthazar: What’s that ring you're wearing?

Tony looks down at this ring he has always worn and never even considered.

Tony (to himself): Oh shit.

Balthazar tries some kind of spell but Tony aces the wisdom save.

Balthazar keeps asking where Tony got the ring from. Tony is absolutely truthful that it’s his ring and he stole it off a table and not any fingers. Balthazar is incredibly doubtful and suspicious of this because his brother would never let go of that ring and why does Tony have it

I want it to be known that everyone in the lurking chat is losing their minds over Balthazar being physically present and ALL OF THEM IN A STORE AND NOT PRESENT.

Bob ends up leaving because he’s uninterested in what the rest of the party is doing. Zira follows after him.

thechaoticwave rolls a Nat 20 on perception.

DM: Bob, you go up to the balcony, look down, and see this dude about to throw hands with Tony.

Bob flies down, and Zira is right on his heels to see what’s up and is like HEY, WHAT’S GOING ON. This gets everyone else’s attention, and soon they’re all trying to find their way down to the first floor.

Bob interjects himself smack in the middle before Balthazar can throw any punches. His presence is enough for Balthazar to back off a little, but he’s still insistent on the ring being his brother’s (Gabriel) and why does Tony have it?

Bob makes the offhand suggestion that maybe Tony’s his brother! :D

The rest of the group sprints to Tony’s defense, and Balthazar is now faced down by a 6′6″ tall aasimar with sharp teeth, Rhodey who has a ton of weapons, a bird, JARVIS, and a halfling. (Luna is off to parts unknown.)

Rhodey asks Tony if he knows what’s going on here. Tony just nods because anything else would be a lie, wouldn’t it?

Balthazar is now amenable to moving this conversation somewhere more private because Tony isn’t having this discussion here.

They go into a side alley. Balthazar reiterates that the only reason his brother wouldn’t have this ring would be if he was dead.

Tony: He’s not dead.

Balthazar: And how do you know that?!

Tony: Because...he’s me.

There’s...a stunned pause. Helio is accidentally ejected from voice chat while Bob is trying to give Zira a high-five.

And then Balthazar is instantly in denial because how???

Zira: Well, is he your brother then?

Balthazar: NO!

Balthazar is insistent he’d know if Tony was his brother. He’s spent enough time with his siblings to know them! And Tony doesn’t look like any of them!!

This means...is Tony under a disguise??

Helio: 465 is now in the front y’all!

reba: Oh, NO

465 is mad. She is so mad, guys. She demands to know what Tony’s real name is. If that’s even his actual face!!

Tony doesn’t answer, just says they need to go somewhere private if he’s going to do this. Balthazar leads them to his place because he doesn’t want to be led somewhere unfamiliar.

Tony takes off the amulet, and it’s Gabriel.

Helio: Can we pause for a second

DM: Yeah, let loose.

(three to four simultaneous meltdowns)

Balthazar is having emotions. Gabriel is having emotions. Everyone else in the party is just probably in varying stages of wtf-ery and 465 is apparently startled enough and Zira startled enough that Zee is back in the driver’s seat because 465 and Zira are now fighting.

Zee: Mr. Tony... Gabriel. Mr. Tony-Gabriel.

Balthazar eventually tells everyone to make themselves comfortable. He’s found solace in a chair himself.

thechaoticwave: Bob just flops down as soon as he says make yourself comfortable.

DM: Like, on your stomach?

thechaoticwave: Yeah.

Zee is super talkative and introducing herself and the Zira collective to Balthazar. DJ puts a hand over her mouth. He’s wearing the gauntlets of ogre strength and I think Zee licks it?

DM: It tastes like metal and dead people. The dead person is mostly on the inside.

Balthazar swears a little as Gabriel talks; he doesn’t like what he’s hearing.

Zee: That was a bad word. Also is your shirt broken?

Balthazar: No. I'm hot.

Zee: Why don't you take it off?

DJ: Zee, darling, Mr. Balthazar looks a little stressed out right now. Why don't we not critique his clothing choices right now?

Balthazar: If you’re going to call me Mister, use my last name Quill.

Gabriel keeps telling Balthazar about what happened back home. That he left because he if he hadn’t then he probably would have gotten himself killed. And he’s going after the ones who left to join the Horned Crown.

Balthazar looks like he doesn’t want to hear this and doesn’t know whether to believe this. He’s curled in on himself in the chair.

Gabriel eventually reaches out, but something he says upsets Balthazar and he withdraws. Gabriel doesn’t try again.

Gabriel tells Balthazar they’ll leave and are heading to their boarding house. Balthazar can find him there and bring Hannah if he wants.

Balthazar snidely asks if he’s going to skip town. Gabriel glances over to the group and Rhodey and DJ are very adamant on going LIKE HELL with their eyebrows.

Gabriel puts the amulet back on and leaves before anyone else does. Rhodey eventually follows after, leaving Zira, Bob, and DJ to follow.

Rhodey tries to touch Gabriel’s shoulder, but Gabriel actually flinches and puts space between them. Rhodey doesn’t try again.

They end up back in the boarding house. Rhodey and Gabriel are in the room they share. Rhodey lets him know he can take time to think and Rhodey’s here if Gabriel wants to talk. And that he still trusts him and loves him.

There isn’t a verbal response from Gabriel, but he does nod.

Rhodey rolls a Nat 1 on insight against Gabriel’s 19 (17?) for deception. It’s...uh...bad.

Rhodey leaves the room, closes the door, and starts crying against it because he thinks something really awful, guys.

I’m just going ahhhh in the voice chat because owwww

DM to inu: This is your bed that you made and you're going to lie in it.

Zee and DJ find Rhodey crying against the door. Zee is instantly jumping to comfort and gives Rhodey a hug.

reba: Helio, your characters are too perfect and you have three of them.

DJ shoves Rhodey aside while he’s hugging Zee. Zee and Rhodey head downstairs for some water while DJ goes to talk to Gabriel.

DJ: Oh my god, you are so fucking DUMB

Gabriel doesn’t respond to anything. DJ accidentally injures him on trying to pull his hands away from his face because he rolled a Nat 1 and so the gauntlets catch on Gabriel’s skin. He’s rubbing at the wounds angrily but still kindly and is telling Gabriel to go talk to Rhodey because he was crying.

Gabriel: You’re a good kid.

DJ: I’m an adult.

Gabriel: A good kid.

Gabriel goes downstairs, but Rhodey and Zee are sitting together and drinking some water. Zee has managed to cheer Rhodey up some, and Gabriel doesn’t want to bother them.

Zee catches sight of him and waves him over. Rhodey catches sight and raises a hand. Gabriel makes to go to a corner table and Rhodey droops.

Only DJ is there and keeps poking Gabriel in the back, but JARVIS headbutts him because that’s just rude and stop poking Gabriel! DJ hauls Gabriel off to Rhodey and Zee because he’s not leaving them to not talk about this!!

DJ: Zee, sweetheart, let's go over and talk to Neil and Luna, who is invisible. Because Rhodey and Tony need to have a conversation like two adults.

Gabriel sits down but has a chair of space between them. Neither of them speaks. 

inu: Two guys at a table sitting in awkward silence.

DM: Two bros sitting in a hot tub.

Rhodey gathers his thoughts and eventually tells Gabriel he’s still there for him.

Rhodey: I still trust you. I still love you

Gabriel: You don’t know me.

Rhodey: Are you going to say that, after all we've done? That it’s all a lie?

Gabriel: ...no.

Gabriel tells Rhodey it was a mask. Rhodey doesn’t like hearing this. He wants to know if everything about them was a lie. If anything was real.

Gabriel tells him a little about leaving and that none of this was intended. That he made attachments he never intended to make but he’s made them.

Gabriel: I don’t want to leave.

Rhodey: And I definitely don’t want you to go.

Gabriel: Then...I guess we can try.

(There is a part where Rhodey says he loves part of Gabriel already. Can’t he love the rest? my heart)

Rhodey reaches out a hand, and Gabriel gives it a look before grabbing hold of it. He’s holding it pretty tightly, and Rhodey’s squeezing back just as hard.

And that’s where we end the session!!!

see, so much happened