#(and how she went about things with nick was definitely wrong and I know they kind of skate over that)

[piratefalls]

upon whatever number rewatch this is at this point (3? 4?) i just clocked that adalind actually looks uncomfortable when she’s flying to vienna at the end of season 3. like she’s telling herself, on repeat, “it was for my baby” while also not feeling good about the thing she did. she’s trying so hard to justify it to herself but she can’t even make herself fake a smile. she’s not proud. she’s a desperate mother who wants her child back and will do whatever it takes to accomplish it.

[nervoussagittarius]

a vlog that’s pretty much just y/n’s day in the life

chris sturniolo x reader

summary: your boyfriend and his brothers film a day of their life, including their time with you. request

warning: fluffy, slightly suggestive (if you look hard enough), language

“wake up sleep heads,” nick said focusing the camera on yours and chris’s sleeping frames. “we’re filming our lives today and you guys need to get up.”

a slight groan could be heard from your boyfriend, but you made no efforts to acknowledge it. you were to focused on the deep sleep you were attempting to fall back into. “what nick?” chris’s voice had sleep prominent in it. his words made you more alert than before.

you picked your head up slightly but quickly threw it back down, loudly sighing at the light nick pointed at the two of you. you head came in contact with chris’s arm, slightly scaring him. “nick what the fuck are you doing kid. can’t you see she’s trying to sleep.” chris was less concerned about his own comfort then yours. he turned his body into you, blocking you from the light.

“can you two just get up and start yapping so this video is entertaining?”

“yea nick, just get the fuck out”

with nick leaving the room, chris started getting out of bed as well. becoming more coherent, you looked over at chris as he was picking both of your guys clothes off the floor from last night. “chris, get back in bed with me” you said to him giving him a slight smirk. he smiled at you before launching himself back in the bed.

the boys had a couple meetings that morning, so they picked up the camera again as you all were shopping for ingredients for dinner. since you volunteered to make them food it was the boys job to figure out everything you needed.

nick walked behind you, chris, and matt so he could film what the three of you were doing. matt pushed the cart as chris kept his death grip on your hand, pulling you with him and pointing out every interesting thing he saw. “look at the flowers, baby. do you want flowers? i’m gonna buy you flowers. what kind do you want?” chris dropped your hand walking away from you as he looked intently at the flowers trying to choose the prettiest ones. “you don’t need to buy me flowers” you had to raise your voice a little so he could hear you, but in response all you got was a little hand wave brushing your comment off.

nick turned the camera on you. “your boyfriend is like a child. he doesn’t listen.” you gave his a shrug and a laugh. “i think i have to have a talk with mary lou to see what went wrong with that one” you said pointing at chris, who was now walking back over to you three with two different bouquets of flowers.

“you referring to your amazing boyfriend, who’s buying you flowers might i add, as ‘that one’ is crazy.” chris found his place at your side. he handed you the flowers and pulled a piece of lint off of the fresh love hoodie of his that you were wearing. “i don’t know what you’re talking about, honey. also, i said you didn’t have to buy me flowers.” “exactly that why i’m buying you two.” he said kissing your forehead nodding in matt’s direction for you to start walking.

poor matt had been done most of the grocery shopping himself. none of you were paying enough attention to him, so when you got home to make dinner the ingredients were definitely a suprise. luckily you ended up with chicken and pasta so the rest came easily.

chris came up to you with the camera as you were cooking. “what are you making chef?” before you even got the chance to open your mouth and respond another comment was being made by chris. “vlog, look at how pretty my girlfriend is. she’s actually perfection” he put the camera on the counter so it was facing both of you. he grabbed your hand and pulled you away from the stove so you were in frame. “give them a spin ma. wearing my brand and everything”

you faked annoyance as you spun beside chris. not being able to keep a straight face for long you broke into laughter. when you returned to facing him he pulled you into a hug. he released your shoulders so he could hold your face him his hands. with your arms still around his waist, you leaned up to give him a small kiss.

matt came over to you guys, looked at you in disgust, and grabbed the camera off the counter. “sorry for you had to see that. chef matt is taking over because our original chef has become distracted.” matt tried to take your spot at the stove, but you weren’t going to allow it. “matt do not touch that you’re going to ruin it.” the bickering went on between you two for a while before realizing you could just work together.

that night, after eating and cleaning up the dishes, top golf was suggested by none other then chris sturniolo. his love for the activity was one that you’d never understand, but you went nonetheless.

a few rounds went by before you inevitably realized you’d never win against those three so you took over vlogging for them instead. the camera pointed at nick as he took his swing. “ohhh well that was definitely something.” you said from behind the camera. nick was far enough away that he couldn’t hear your comment, but you’d definitely get shit for it while he edited. the two boys to you left of a kick out of it though.

matt and chris broke out into laughter catching the attention of nick. “what are you two fuckers laughing about? try to do better.” he said, giving them attitude. you held back your laugh as nick sat to the right of you.

for entertainment purposes (and also to annoy him) you started narrating everything matt did. “and… matt sturniolo picks up his golf club. he waves it in front of the sensor. he gets his golf ball. he gets ready to hit. is it going to be good ladies, gentleman, and nonbinaries? we’ll see. and he hits, and it’s…… not as good as nicks shot.” matt side eyes you as chris starts laughing uncontrollably. he falls into your side sending you and the camera to the right into nick.

nick takes the camera from you since your posture has been infiltrated by chris’s body. chris is still laughing when matt gets back to the seats, so like any brother would, matt slaps him upside the head. chris groans as he pokes your shoulder. you’re conversation with nick gets cut off when you look over at him. “matt hit me” chris says with a childish tone. “okay and what do you want me to do about it babe? i’m not your mother. hit him back. i don’t fucking know” you say with a laugh.

the game quickly comes to an end with matt coming out in first place. the four of you decide to call it a night. and start walking back to the van.

when you guys finally got to the car nick started to outrow the video. “alright guys that’s it for this weeks vlog thank you so much for watching” he turned the camera towards the front of the car as you leaned over chris’s shoulder.

“chris can you please play 34+35 remix for nick and i.”

“no y/n” “absolutely not”

and with that the video concluded.

an: i didn’t have much motivation to write the past couple of days but i hope y’all enjoy this 🤍

[incendiobrock]

The Driskill Hotel {Chris Sturniolo}

Summary: fem!reader x bf!Chris go to Austin, Texas with Matt and Nick to film a video for Sam and Colby's channel at the Driskill Hotel. The reader is very sensitive to the supernatural and gets convinced to do the elevator ritual alone... What could possibly go wrong? ;)

Warnings: anxiety/panic attacks, ghostly encounters, fear of elevators, language, FLUFFFFF

A/N: I know this video is from awhile ago but I've had this idea and couldn't stop thinking about it. I started my page with imagines like this for Colby x reader and so I wanted to throw it back to my roots and make a Chris x reader (because I'm a die hard Chris girl)

Part 2??

You had been a fan of Sam and Colby for years, enjoying their content and being fascinated with their supernatural findings. There was always a part of you that was convinced you had a special connection with the supernatural, feeling extremely vulnerable and tethered to their world. Maybe it was due to your empathic nature, or maybe you were a undiscovered medium that hadn’t tapped into your powers.

You never tapped into your "abilities" because you were scared of what could possibly come from speaking to the dead. But when Nick, Matt, and Chris (and yourself) got asked to join in for an XPLR video on Sam and Colby's channel, you all knew that you couldn't pass it down. This is what led you all to Austin, Texas where the historic, haunted, Driskill Hotel was located.

The night had started somewhat normal, you all walked through the hotel with a tour guide where she explained the history of the building as well as the ghost inhabitants. Throughout the tour you would catch glimpses of shadow figures on the wall, hearing inaudible voices, and being extra sensitive to smells like cigar smoke and roses. The fear was definitely building inside of you when you observed that none of the rest of the group seemed to be experiencing the same things you were. You did your best to hold it together, knowing the triplets were excited to be included in the video, and not wanting to ruin your own experience of an inner fangirl being on an XPLR trip.

As the tour wrapped up and the night went on, Sam and Colby began to lead the investigation portion of their video. You stayed glued to Chris' side, feeling comfort in his presence, even with everything going on around you. Chris held an EMF reader in his left hand as his right hand was busy interlocking your fingers, running his thumb over your knuckles soothingly. He couldn't tell if you were nervous or if you were just trying to hone in on filming the video since you were all a guest to Sam and Colby's channel.

You and Chris stayed slightly behind the group as you made your way over to the elevators on the main lobby for the next part of the video, the elevator ritual. The elevators had already been acting up earlier in the night, not wanting to take you guys up to the floor you had requested. Elevators weren't necessarily your favorite inventions, a slight irrational fear of being stuck in one or one falling with you inside.

"Matt, the ghosts seem to really like you. Maybe you should be the one to do the ritual." You heard Sam say, observing how the EMF in Matt's hand continued to light up to red as they crossed through the grand lobby. As you passed by the receptionist desk you saw the figure of a tall man dart across the wall, making you subconsciously squeeze Chris' hand out of fright. "What's up baby? You okay?" Chris asked softly, pausing in his tracks to check up on you.

"Did you see that?" You asked him back, hoping that maybe you weren't going as crazy as you thought you were. Chris furrowed his eyebrows, glancing around the rotunda, trying to see whatever it was you were talking about. "See what?"

You let out a shaky breath, your palms becoming clammy as all the supernatural sensitivity was beginning to catch up to you. The hand that was holding onto Chris' disconnected as you rubbed the sweat on your pants, "I keep seeing shadows on the walls..." Chris frowns at your reply, wrapping his arms over your shoulders and pulling you into a hug. His lips pressed a firm kiss on your forehead, "I won't let anything hurt you, I promise."

"Chris! Y/n! You guys coming?" Colby asked, staring at you two from down the hall where they had stopped in front of the elevators. "Yeah we're coming, sorry!" Chris responded, gently pulling away from the hug and instantly wrapping his hand back in yours. As you stood in front of the elevator doors Sam explained to the camera, and to all of you, what the elevator ritual would consist of.

"y/n, will you do the honors?" Sam questioned, pulling your out of your trance and causing your jaw to drop open. "Huh? What?" You stuttered, not registering what he had elected you to do for this ritual.

"Do you want to do the ritual?" He rephrased, looking at you with big, hopeful eyes. Your body tensed at the thought, not only did elevators terrify you, but you had already been experiencing paranormal things the whole night. "You don't have to if you don't want." Chris said, breaking the short silence that filled the room, knowing you were already on edge and trying to stand up for you in case you were wary about doing it. "Uh, yeah, I think I could do it... I would just need to write down the order of the floors." You said, uncertainty filling your voice.

"Awesome! I'll text it to you." Sam said, beginning to type up a message to send to your phone. A lump began to form in your throat as you awaited the notification being sent to you. Chris gently rubbed your lower back, doing his best to calm your anxiety without bringing too much attention to your state, understanding that you didn't like when others were aware of your intimate emotions. Your phone vibrated in your hand, looking down to see the message;

12:00AM

Sam: 4, 2, 6, 2, 10, 5, 1

"Okay it's exactly midnight, you have to start now." Colby said, pressing the up button and watching the elevator door open. You took the camera from him, not saying a word as you faced the elevator. You swallowed the lump in your throat, knowing there was no way you could back out of this now. Stepping into the elevator you instantly felt chills run up your spine.

"Now remember, when you get to the fifth floor a lady might join you. If she does then when you try to come back down to the lobby the elevator will actually go up to the tenth floor, that's how we will know it worked. If it comes back down to one then the lady didn't enter and the ritual failed." Sam said, reminding you and the audience how things were supposed to go.

Shakily, your finger made its way up to press the number four, officially beginning the ritual. The door slowly shut in front of you, keeping eye contact with Chris until you couldn't anymore. The elevator rose and the door opened, nobody was there. Floor two, nothing.

Sixth floor.

Second floor, again.

Tenth floor.

Then finally, the fifth floor. Your breath caught in your throat as the elevator door opened unusually slow, revealing an empty hallway. 'This is just a game', 'It's not real', you tried reminding yourself as your heart beat uncontrollably inside your chest. You waited for a couple seconds before pressing the button for the first floor, praying that this stupid ritual hadn't actually worked. The doors shut and the elevator began to descend back to the first floor, allowing you to let out a breath you didn't even realize you were holding. "I guess the ritual failed guys," You lightly giggled talking into the camera, feeling relief wash over your whole body.

"Woah!" You yelped, almost dropping the camera as the elevator slightly dropped, the lights inside flickering. The screen above the door signaling that you were on the third floor. Before you knew it the elevator came to a halt, stopping dead in its tracks on the third floor.

"What? Oh no, no, no, no, no..." You whispered, panic rising inside of you as you dropped the camera to the floor and made your way to the control panel. You smashed the button for the first floor over and over again, hoping the elevator would start to move again. Nothing was happening however, the buttons not even lighting up when you pressed them. You began to reach into your back pocket for your phone, pulling it out to call Chris.

The dial tone played as you dropped to the floor in a seated position, legs shaking beneath you. After three rings Chris' voice filled your left ear, "Hey babe, why did you stop on the third floor? We were waiting for you to come back down-" He said quickly before you cut him off.

"Chris! The elevator is stuck! I don't know what to do, I'm freaking the fuck out!" Your breath became labored as you heaved in and out, feeling like no matter how much air you inhaled it wasn't reaching your lungs correctly. "Woah, woah. Okay, calm down please! Just breath alright? Listen to my breathing!" Chris instructed, knowing you were on the verge of a panic attack.

He let out slow, steady breaths of air while your vision began to blur with tears. Your head started to heat up and your ears began to ring, "I-I can't Chris... I can't breathe!" You huffed, clenching your hand over your aching heart.

"The elevators stuck, somebody go try and find someone to help!" You faintly heard Chris yell to the other boys, holding the phone away from his ear so it wasn't directed to you. "Yes you can, I believe in you babe. Nick is going to get some help, okay? Just hang in there." He continued to comfort you through the phone, coaching your breath back to normal as Nick found an employee. After five minutes, which felt like an eternity to you, the elevator doors where being pried open. The elevator had stopped just barely off center to the second floor, making the door inoperable on your side.

When the doors were finally opened you couldn't help but let the tears you had been containing fall, all the overwhelming fear catching up to your eyes. The employee held out a hand for you as you jumped the three foot distance onto the second floor lobby, landing slightly unsteady as the tears blurred your vision. Chris rushed over to you, faster than you had ever seen him move before, pulling you deep into his embrace.

"There, there, I got you. I got you, don't worry." He said, running his big hand through your hair. Your arms wrapped tightly around his torso, scared that he might disappear if you didn't hold him close. Tears stained his jacket sleeve as you buried your head into his shoulder. You both stayed like that for awhile, the others watching as you crumbled into Chris' arms.

Once you had finally cooled down, you all sat on some couches that were in the main lobby. You drank some water that Nick had brought for you as you stayed by Chris' side, his arm wrapped over your shoulders. "Y/n, I am so so sorry that the elevator got stuck. I had no idea that was going to happen and I feel horrible. I didn't realize you were scared of elevators." Sam apologized to you, feeling guilty that he had put you in this position in the first place.

"Sam, it's not your fault! How would you have known the elevator was going to get stuck?" You said sincerely, appreciating his apology even though he had nothing to do with the unfortunate situation.

"If you guys need to call it a night and go back to your hotel, we completely understand." Colby said, offering to end the night where it was instead of finishing out the investigation. "No, it's okay. I'm good now, really. There's no need to scrap the rest of the video just because of me." You reassured, wanting the boys to finish the video they had put so much effort into already.

"Are you sure?" Chris asked you.

"Yes, I'm sure. Now who's ready for the Estes Method?"

[fairyrcts]

THINKIN BOUT YOU, C.S.

by fairyrcts contents - angst, cursing, intended lowercase, use of y/n, 3rd person, mentions of depression

an - i love chris angst

taglist - @pvssychicken , @gothiccvnt6996 , @emely9274 (header by @issysh3ll )

it was 2 am in new york and y/n was just getting home. her day was exhausting to say the least. the struggle of being a full time college student with a job and rent to pay in new york is something that was unimaginable.

she fiddled with her keys, eventually finding her apartment key. she unlocked her door to her roomate, aleah, sat on the couch watching some cheesy rom-com on her laptop. y/n dropped her bag and kicked off her shoes at the door.

"hey hey." aleah waved.

"hey, girl. watcha watchin?" y/n's voice rang as she walked to the open kitchen, grabbing a cup and poaring ice water.

"27 dresses. literally never seen this dumb shit before but evangeline wants me to see it."

aleah was the definition of a stud. she was gorgeous, too. dark complexion, curly hair that hung in front of her face and piercings on her plump lips and nose.

evangeline was her girlfriend, who y/n's only met a few times. usually in the mornings after getting very little sleep from their noises filling the small apartment.

"man, that movie's so mid. did we get any mail?" y/n chuckled as she walked back in the living room, sitting in the opposing sofa.

"any mail?"

"uh, one from some credit card company and someone left a note in the crack of the door. said to y/n from chris sturnolo." she spoke, her eyes not leaving the computer.

y/n stopped in her tracks. "christopher sturniolo?" her voice was slightly shooken.

christopher was her childhood bestfriend. they were in almost every class together since kindergarten. they were inseparable. they did sports together, went to prom together, went to get their drivers license together (guess who didn't pass). they were family, at this point.

after college, she never heard from him again. happy birthdays and merry christmases every year or likes on every post, but not a single text, call, email, anything. she talked to nick and matt regularly, but not chris.

she'd ask how he was and they'd give short, vague, one-word answers. it was unfair, really. because there wasn't another soul on earth that knew her better than chris did, and all that time was wasted.

it's been 3 years without a word. and just now he's contacting her. her mind rambled as to what might have gone wrong, otherwise, there wasn't a reason to speak to her. now, especially. she'd been such a mess after leaving for cornell, and she debated not going to stay with chris. but he convinced her, saying he'll stay in touch and talk to her every day.

so much for that promise.

"uh, yeah, chris sturniolo, sturnolo, stromboli, all the same to me." her roomate shook her out of her thoughts.

"aleah, where's the damn letter?" y/n's voice sounded scared almost, not understanding what's going on.

"over on the bookshelf." aleah pointed to the letter wrapped with a little bow and a stamp in the corner of the boston streets.

her hands hurried and undid the bow, ripping the envelope open and unfolding the letter.

Dear Y/n

There seriously isn't an explanation for my distance. After you left for college I fell into such a state of depression and I don't know why but I was scared to contact you. I mean, you're out doing great big things, NYU and detective criminal type stuff. Meanwhile, I'm still here in Massachusetts, I just moved out of my parents house a year and a half ago and my career is making videos on the internet. I guess it was the jealousy that stopped me from speaking to you or some kind of fear. But all I know is that I miss you, dearly. And I guess this is kind of me asking do you think about me still? Because I haven't stopped thinkin about you.

(p.s. i know i couldve sent this over text but i didnt know if you blocked me or not)

just his handwriting caused tears to stream down y/n's face. the note itself, the words and his explanation made her sob.

she made her way to her room, shutting the door behind her. she reached for her phone in her back pocket and called chris's contact.

it rang three times before he answered. there was silence on his end, soft sobs on hers.

"chris, where the hell are you and why did you answer so late?" she said through sniffles and cries.

"i'm uh, in syracuse right now. we're here with nate for his birthday. i asked matt for your address and uhm, i was waiting for you to call." chris's voice sounded nervous almost.

"so you're.. able to come see me?" she asked to which chris affirmed.

"give me the name of your hotel. i'm coming over." she spoke. her tone wasn't demanding, but chris knew it was a demand.

chris told her the name and room number, y/n writing down each letter. after he had explained the whole thing she hung up without warning. she walked out of her room, her movements were fast as she wiped tears off her cheeks.

"woah, what's up?" aleah asked, concerned.

"i'll tell you when i'm back." y/n brushed her off, grabbing her keys, leaving and shutting the door quite harshly.

she jogged down the stairs, her hand grazing the railings and the other jingling the keys with each step.

she pushed the door that so clearly said pull. the frustration just added to her unexplainable feelings.

"why the fuck won't this shit open!?" she shouted. the small, teenage boy at the front desk squeaked out a few words.

"it's uhm. it's pull. y-you're pushing it." y/n looked down at the sign.

"shut the fuck up, curtis!" she yelled once more, yanking the door and storming out of it.

"dumb ass name." y/n mumbled to herself. she walked hurriedly to her car, clicking the unlock button on her keeys and jumping in the drivers seat.

she turned it on, putting the ignition in reverse. she internally conflicted wether or not to put on music. of course, there was no need for it. buttt to make the whole event more dramatic, she turned on her playlist, thinkin bout you by frank ocean coming in through the speakers.

the music made tears swell up in her eyes. the whole situation was just fucked.

her car sped, running through red lights here and there, honking at any car that was slow or in front of her.

when she arrived at the hotel, she shut off her music and her car, locking it as she slammed the door of it behind her. she pulled the door to the entrance to the entrence of the large hotel, the door refusing to open.

"it's a push door!" the lady at the front desk yelled loud enough to be heard.

"oh, fuck me." y/n groaned, finally opening the door. she stormed inro the elevator, the front desk lady attempting to stop her by shouting 'miss'.

as if that was gonna stop her. y/n pressed the 4 button aggressively, multiple times.

"hurry the fuck up!" she was so out of it, she was yelling at an inanimate button.

when the door started opening, she squeezed herself through the space, looking at the numbers on each door until she found the 103 in a big font.

she knocked hard and loud continuously until the door opening interrupted her.

and now, she was faced with the man who made her, and broke her.

the two stared into one anothers eyes momentarily before y/n brought a hand up and smacked the side of his face.

a 'youch' came out of chris's mouth. he rubbed the side of his face that was now red while y/n began rambling.

"now, what the fuck is wrong with you! i mean, you know better! christopher, holy fuck, where do i even begin with you!?" her voice rang through the halls as she pushed herself into the room.

"i- i don't know." chris's tone was sorrowful, but that wasn't necessarily something she cared about right now.

"you are such a douchebag! i fucking can't believe you. ignoring my calls, texts, letters, everything! the only information i ever got about you was through 10 picture slideshows on instagram and your brothers, who werent much of a help! you can say whatever all you want, but chris, i was so mentally fucked up! i was so behind in my classes, that you know i put a humongous amount of effort into getting into, i was rude and emotional all the time and pushed away people i love and adore because i was so hung up on the thought that you stopped caring and you stopped loving me! you know how terrible of a feeling that is? to believe that the one person you love most in the world doesn't give two damn shits about what you're doing now? do you?!"

she yelled and yelled and yelled as her eyes didn't just shed tears, but boy, they poured.

"n-no, no i don't know how that feels." christopher mumbled as water welled up in his own eyes.

"yeah, and that's because you know i'm incapable of unloving you! you're aware of my love for you, because i reminded you every day. you know i wear my heart on my sleeve and you still pulled this dumb shit! i don't even know how you managed to do such thing! i was at such a terrible place, chris."

her words were less aggressive now as she cried tears of sadness rather than anger. she sat herself on one of the two hotel beds while chris sat beside her. he awkwardly pulled her into a hug, y/n leaning into it immediately.

her head laid in his lap as he rubbed her back, whispering small shushes every now and then while she kept bawling.

"y'know. i've been thinkin' bout you. i never stopped, really. i just- i don't even have an excuse. and you can keep yelling at me, and i'll keep listening, but i can't explain as to why i didn't. i just don't know, y/n." his voice was calm and gentle and his hands glided up and down her side.

once she finally stopped crying, she sat up and wiped her tears. "I'm sorry." chris stated, his eyes meaningful along with his voice.

that's all she wanted to hear.

he pulled her into an embrace once more, engulfing himself in the girl he missed so deeply.

"i was thinkin' bout you, too, y'know." she mumbled into his neck.

and that's all he wanted to hear.

[d-romanov]

Do you do like self harm reader? Maybe wandanat are together and have adopted or just taken in a 16 year old 🤷‍♀️ idk am in one of those moods but I get if it makes you uncomfortable or triggers you or something!

Love your writing btw!

even when we're goin' under.

[ 1.2k words ]

[ natasha x teen!reader ]

summary: it's a bad habit, but it helped at first and now you can't stop. natasha offers comfort and understanding.

notes: hi! ty so much for the prompt 🫶 sorry i took so long to write it. this fic leans more towards vent fic and i definitely won't write things like this often. i switched it up a bit cause that's just how i wrote it. so, sorry no wandanat this time

TW!!: semi-graphic descriptions and discussion of self harm, past abuse (hydra/the red room it's vague)

this fic is heavy!! please don't read if you're triggered by self harm. stay safe and take care of yourselves ♥️

It started with an itch.

A small biting at the back of your neck, the sides of your arms, the inner sides of your thighs.

It wasn't a real itch, that you knew, but you were compelled to scratch anyways.

It always happened after a long day. The stress and overload of your senses would hit at the end of the day, and you felt like ripping your skin off.

The biting never went away. No matter how hard you scratched, your dull nails never did enough. A nervous habit of biting your nails left them too short to do any real damage to your skin, even when the itch felt bone deep.

There were other times it would start up again. After a particularly clear nightmare, a flashback to a kill you had no conscious part in. The guilt sunk your heart to your feet and filled your veins with poison. Burning and itching and begging to be released, begging for relief.

You found your relief, of all places, while cooking. A misguided blade chopping vegetables had nicked your hand, and in the bite of pain and rush of blood your skin stopped burning. You hadn't thought about it too hard in the moment, but when the itch returned later you finally had a way to get it out.

--

It went on for a few weeks. Far more than you intended.

It was a temporary solution, a quick fix. A messy fix that layered you skin with more scars than had already been there, but they felt better.

It was easier to reconcile to new marks on your flesh, because these came from you. Not a beating or a fight or experiment of any kind.

No. These new, thin, horizontal lines along your shoulders were purely your creation.

It was stupid. A terrible habit, bordering addiction because you just couldn't stop. Every time, that same burning itch came back, practically with a vengeance. A burning, blistering want to be released, for the guilt to be acknowledged, for some self punishment?

You no longer understood why it happened, just that it did and cutting yourself dulled the feeling and cleared your head.

--

You tried to hide it, for a while, but you were caught out eventually.

You didn't know what had changed, what part of you has suddenly raised alarm in Natasha's eye, but she was somehow even more perceptive than she usually was.

You'd always been close with the redhead, since the day you entered the tower. She got you through the hardest parts of adjusting, the loneliness of a widow adjusting to a semi-normal life. She cared for you like her own child.

So really, she'd be the first to notice your withdrawing. The baggier shirts with longer sleeves, the subtle hunch, the flinch when something grazed your shoulders. Of course she knew something was wrong.

--

It comes to a head one day. You've locked yourself in the bathroom after a nasty night terror left you panicking for the better part of an hour. Hastily cleaning and covering the new cuts on your arm. The sting of antiseptic grounds you and the smell of it drowns out the smell of iron.

You reach for your discarded hoodie when you hear a knock at your bedroom door. Your heart rate picks up.

The only person who would be at your door this early in the morning would be Natasha. The only person in the tower who's so in tune with your feelings well-being that she has to know what you've been doing almost daily for nearly 3 weeks.

"y/n? Honey, I need to talk to you."

A few more tries and your bedroom door opens. You quickly throw on your hoodie but you can't bring yourself to even unlock the bathroom door. Natasha is just outside. You hold your breath.

"y/n?"

"Yeah?" You ignore the croak in your voice.

"Can you open the door?" She asks softly.

You don't want to, but you're so tired of hurting. You shakily unlock the door and open it, not meeting her eyes. Unconsciously, you tug your hoodie sleeves over your hands.

Natasha doesn't say another word. She barely moves, she just breathes softly and keeps her body relaxed. You feel like crying.

You blink and traitorous tears escape your eyes. Natasha brings her hands up slowly and pulls you in. The rough feel of fabric pulls against the fresh cuts on your shoulder and you flinch as she pulls you in.

"Oh, детка."

Your breath hitches and you fall into her arms. She squeezes you tight to her chest while your body is wracked by silent sobs.

"I-, I'm sorry," You can barely get the words out, but you need her to know. You need her to know you wanted to stop and you couldn't because even when you felt better you still felt awful and it never helped. "I tried to stop. I-I wanted to-"

"I know, малыш, I know." She sits the two of you on the bed behind her, stroking your hair and never once letting go.

You just sit for a while. Natasha's solid form and gentle words of encouragement help to calm you down. Enough to pull back, wipe the snot and tears from your face and prepare yourself for her inevitable questions.

"Can I see?"

Whatever you were expecting, it wasn't that. You hesitantly pull off your hoodie, and Natasha reaches out to help when the fabric catches uncomfortably on still-drying blood.

You feel exposed while Natasha moves to your bathroom. She comes back out with your first aid kit but you still refuse to meet her eyes.

You know what she sees. Angry lines of red, criss-crossing over old and new scars. In the back of your mind you hear a voice like Madame call you weak minded.

Broken.

With a tender hand, Natasha treats your self-inflicted wounds, cleans them softly and kisses each new bandage. She presses one final kiss, feather-light on your forehead. You let your tired body fall into her again.

"I know it feels good, in the moment," Her hands comb through your hair again, smoothing and braiding it mindlessly. "It doesn't really last though, does it?"

you shake your head, butting her chin lightly in the process.

"I can't ask you to stop, I know it doesn't work that way," You feel her take a deep breath and you copy the motion. "But will you tell me? The next time you feel the need?"

You shrug, because you truly don't know. "I'll try." It's as much a promise to her as it is to yourself.

It's really the best you can do, in the moment, and Natasha gladly accepts the answer.

Later, when you aren't so emotionally and physically drained, Natasha will sit you down again. She'll talk you into therapy, or at least to trying it out. She'll help you process your guilt, your grief, all with a steady hand holding your wrist. A promise not to let go.

But for now, Natasha pulls you under messy covers and holds you close, humming an old Russian lullaby as you settle against her.

As you drift off, you hear one more promise.

"I'm always here for you, y/n. I'm not going anywhere."

[writingwithciara]

Broken Bond (part 3) ~Chris Sturniolo~

summary: the 'l' word has been put into play. what will come from it?

word count: 4k

pairing: chris sturniolo x reader

notes: with the way the last part ended, i couldn't leave y'all hanging on whether chris meant what he said or not. [mentions of sexual content but nothing explicit]

masterlist

y/n stared at chris for longer than she wanted, zoning out in the process.

"hey. you okay?"

"yeah. i'm just gonna head on back up to matt's room. he'll probably be wondering where i am."

"oh. okay." chris watched as she got dressed quickly. he knew matt wouldn't care if she stayed in his room for the night but she was acting weird so he sat up. "hey. i didn't mean it, okay?"

"no. it's fine. honestly. thank you." she smiled softly at him before retreating up the stairs.

chris stared at the door, hoping she'd come back. but she didn't.

y/n looked at the clock on the microwave as she passed through the kitchen.

3:28

had she really been in chris' room for an hour? it didn't seem like it.

she quietly made her way back into matt's room and slid under the covers, being careful not to wake him. her eyes felt heavy but her brain was going crazy and her heart was beating rapidly. there was no way she would be getting any sleep.

by the time the sun was up, y/n had come to the conclusion that chris only used the 'l' word because it was in the heat of the moment, not because he meant it. if he had actually loved her like he claimed, he wouldn't have abandoned their friendship 6 years ago.

deep in thought, y/n didn't notice matt waking up beside her.

"hey. what's got you up so early?"

"couldn't sleep." she sighed and began to pick at her nails, something matt hated. he placed his hand on hers and she looked over at him.

"is something wrong? you know you can talk to me about it, y/n."

"nothing's wrong." she avoided eye contact, knowing he could tell she was lying. he knew anyway.

"does this have anything to do with chris?"

y/n sighed and finally made eye contact with her best friend. "how do you somehow always know, matt?"

"you two have been acting really weird around each other since you told us you caught him in his room. i figured your weird mood now had something to do with that."

"is this why you're so quiet? do you just observe everything?" y/n smiled.

"duh. someone needs to know things & it's not going to be nick or chris."

"good point." y/n looked at the door. "can i tell you something?"

"you know you can." he turned so his full attention was on her.

"okay, well let me start from the beginning." y/n paused for a second before looking at her hands. "when i caught chris in his room, he was getting off to a picture of me. so i offered to help him if he ever needed it. and last night, after we got back from doing everything, i couldn't sleep so i went to his room to see if maybe he needed dome help. and one thing led to another and we had sex."

"wait, for real? like, full on penetration?"

"amongst other things, yeah. then he said he loved me and i came back here." y/n turned her head towards matt when she heard him chuckling. "it's not funny, matthew."

"it kind of is. think about it. you've had feelings for chris for a long time but he was ignoring you, right? then it turns out he's been standing on the sidelines waiting for you to forgive him. then, this whole thing happens where you catch him pleasuring himself."

"gross word."

"but then, he finally got what he's always wanted & he used a word he's never used with a girl before and you just got up and left without saying anything back?"

"well, i did say thank you."

"dude,that is definitely not what someone wants to hear after they confess their feelings to you."

"what if it wasn't genuine? what if it was just because of the moment?"

"y/n, don't be stupid. chris has genuinely liked you for a really long time. granted, he made a stupid choice but if you truly think about that, it was because he didn't know how to control himself around you."

"matt, can you please take this seriously?" y/n climbed out of the bed and began to pace his room. "i'm freaking out here."

"sweetheart, you need to relax." matt stood in front of her and stopped her pacing. "now there is a man downstairs who has never felt this way about a girl before. like ever. okay, maybe he said the 'l' word a little too fast but it really is new to him. you gotta give him the benefit of the doubt and let him know how you feel."

"i want to, matt. believe me i do. i truly love him and i have no idea how to back track on what i said. what if he doesn't think i love him because i said the worst thing i could after a beautiful, intimate moment? he's gonna think i'm an idiot."

"and he'll love you so much more for it, i guarantee it. trust me when i say that there is nothing you could say that would make him not love you." matt smiled. "besides, you guys have already had sex. it's not like you'll have to get over that hurdle in your relationship now."

"thanks, matt. that makes me feel so much better." y/n rolled her eyes, but smiled at matt.

"come on now. you got to go talk to chris." he gently pushed her out of the room. y/n went to the kitchen and checked the clock.

7:38

there was no way chris would be awake yet unless he was in the same situation as she was.

y/n sat on the couch and put netflix on the tv. seconds later, her phone buzzed beside her. she picked it up and rolled her eyes at the message she received.

matty b💙: babe that doesn't sound like you're talking to chris 🙄

she tossed her phone onto the cushion beside her and stood at the top of the stairs. there was a faint light coming from chris' bedroom. she wanted to go down to talk to him but her feet wouldn't move.

chris was down in his room thinking about what he said. how could he have used the 'l' word so soon? what was he thinking?

he knew he had pushed her away, even if only a little, but it still bothered him that after what they had gone through, she couldn't show him the same amount of affection. maybe it was time to get over her once and for all.

his phone was in his hand and he quickly scrolled through instagram. he looked for anyone, or anything, that would keep his mind off of y/n.

but no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't bring himself to message any girls back. all he wanted to do was talk to y/n.

so he sent her a text.

y/n's phone vibrated in her hand and she looked down at the screen.

chris🙈: are you awake? chris🙈: if so, please come to my room chris🙈: we need to talk 🙃

y/n slowly made the descent down to chris' room. she stood outside the door for a few seconds before the door flew open.

"hey. i was just about to go find you." chris took a deep breath as y/n wordlessly walked into the room. he shut the door and leaned against it.

"what did you want to talk about, chris?"

"i wanted to let you know that what i said earlier, after we....you know....i didn't mean it. i know it scared you off and i apologize. it never should've come out of my mouth."

"it's okay chris."

"no, it's not. i have never ever said it before and when i say it & mean it for the first time, it's not going to be after sex."

"oh. okay. got it." she looked down at her feet. "is that all?"

"i guess. from my side at least." he looked at her. "anything you want to say?"

"not that i can think of." y/n felt her heart breaking as she processed his words. "thanks for letting me know."

"no problem." chris felt his heart breaking as he observed the way her shoulders slumped and her eyes focused on her feet. he wanted nothing more than to take it back, tell her he truly did love her, and never stop showering her with praise. but she deserved better than him. he knew it.

"so i can go back upstairs now?"

"yeah. yeah of course." he moved off the door and watched as she climbed the stairs slowly. "wait hold on."

"what?" she turned around as chris made his way up to her.

"things aren't going to be awkward now, are they?"

"not if we don't let them be awkward." y/n smiled sweetly.

"okay. cool." he chuckled and turned around. "tell matt i'll be up in a bit and we can all go get breakfast. my treat."

"okay." y/n nodded and continued back to the kitchen. matt was walking out of the bathroom and when he saw her, he gave her a look.

"did you guys talk?"

"yeah. he said he didn't mean it. but that's okay. i can move on."

"i don't believe that you can, but i'm not going to argue with you." matt smiled softly at her. "where's chris?"

"he told me to tell you he'd be up shortly and hat we could all go to breakfast. he's paying."

"okay cool." he looked at her. "so, which one of us is going to be the unlucky one who has to wake nick up?"

"you do it."

"i feel like if you do it, he won't get as mad because he could never stay mad at you."

"good point." y/n sighed. "but you're coming with me."

the two of them travelled up to nick's room. y/n slowly opened the door and saw he was still fast asleep. she walked over to his bed and moved the hair out of his face.

"nicolas, wake up. it's time for breakfast."

"5 more minutes." he groaned and swatted her hand away.

"we're going out to breakfast with or without you & chris is paying so i suggest-"

"chris is paying?" nick shot up and smiled. "give me a few minutes to get dressed."

"okay. see you down there."

y/n and matt waited for 10 minutes before the other brothers came upstairs. chris watched his brother talk to y/n and the smile she wore was so much brighter than the one she gave him 20 minutes ago.

the 4 of them climbed into the car. y/n took her spot in the passenger seat and chris got behind matt. nick raised an eyebrow and got in while looking between y/n & chris suspiciously.

at the restaurant, they ordered and ate their food quickly. all while discussing potential video ideas.

"the video we posted yesterday already has so many comments with fans saying their favorite parts were all the times chris would look at y/n with 'heart eyes' and they can't get over it." nick looked at y/n, then at chris beside him. "you guys have been acting weird all day. no. wait. back up. you've been acting weird for way longer than that, with chris' stupid reason for ditching you 6 years ago. i still don't understand, by the way." he looked back and forth between them before shaking his head and looking back at his plate. "if you guys are into each other, then i say you shouldn't let anything hold you back."

"we're not into each other, believe me." chris looked at his brother.

"oh. so i guess that it was matt and y/n making all that noise last night?"

"no. it was me and chris. it happened once. huge mistake that will never happen again. so can we just drop the subject, please?" y/n spoke, never taking her eyes off her own plate. she moved the food around the plate slowly, losing her appetite more with every passing second.

chris looked up at the sound of her voice and immediately felt bad for what he told her this morning. he had no idea it was going to hurt her this much.

"yeah. of course." matt placed a hand gently on top of hers and smiled. "are you done eating?"

"yeah." y/n set the fork down and pushed her plate to the middle of the table. the boys followed and chris paid for the meal like he promised. the car ride back was mostly silent, apart from nick trying and failing to start an argument.

when matt pulled into the garage, chris was the first one out and he was already in his room by the time everyone else made their way inside. as y/n passed his bedroom door, she sighed heavily. matt noticed this and placed his hand on her back comfortingly.

"hey, don't worry about chris right now. i'm gonna run you a bath so you can relax. how does that sound?"

"it sounds like a great idea. thanks matt." y/n smiled kindly at her friend. he told her to stop worrying about chris but that was nearly impossible when her heart felt this way. all she wanted to do was go to him & tell him she didn't mean what she said this morning & that she didn't think it was a mistake. but he didnt feel the same and she knew she would have to bury her feelings again.

after her bath, matt and nick had set up a movie for y/n in matt's room. at first we she was confused. until she remembered they were doing a podcast today. so she put the headset on and hit the play button.

upstairs, the boys were settling into another episode of their podcast. the topic today was 'relationships and things they're looking for in a potential partner'.

"well clearly, i want to be with someone who can match me in every way. their humor has to mesh well with mine and they have to get along with you guys, obviously." nick looked at his brothers. "if they don't, then i don't want them."

"that's a good way to put it, nick." matt smiled and took a second before he decided what he wanted. "any future girlfriend needs to have the following qualities. loyalty is a must. she has to be able to take a joke & she most definitely needs to get along with you guys over anything. that's my top priority."

"how about you chris?"

"huh?" chris was zoned out.

"what type of qualities are you looking for in a future girlfriend?" matt asked the question, making chris drag his hands down his face. they both knew the answer but matt didn't think chris was going to answer.

"like you guys, my top priority is that she gets along with you. she's gotta be kind, smart, funny. this isn't a must, like i could go either way, but if she's a little on the short side with brown hair, then that's a bonus. she's gotta know how to make me laugh and she's gotta know that i joke around a lot so she'll have to know how to take a joke. she's my top priority always so she's gonna have to be okay with being spoiled."

"remember that time when you-"

the boys trailed off topic, as usual and just went with it.

y/n's movie ended and she decided to snoop through the games matt had. after 5 minutes of searching, she settled on hogwarts legacy. while she was in the middle of creating a character, matt walked in.

"hey. we're done filming the podcast and chris wanted to know if you wanted to come with us to get some food."

"chris asked?"

"yeah. shocking, isn't it?"

"then i don't want to go. don't want things to be awkward."

"whatever you and chris are going through, it can't be easy. maybe you need to tell him that he hurt you when he told you it was a mistake. i'm almost positive he'll understand."

"i hate when you're right."

"oh, so you hate me all the time then?" matt chuckled, causing y/n to crack a smile.

"fuck off, matt." she looked back at the game. "i really want to play this game though, so can you bring something back for me, please?"

"okay. but only because i love you and you know i can't say no to you ever." he kissed her head and walked back to his brothers. "she's not coming."

"maybe i should stay back too." chris glanced at the bedroom door for a second.

"no. we're not doing that. come on." matt grabbed his brothers arm and pulled him out to the car.

for the next hour, y/n was alone. she finished creating her character but grew bored of the game rather quickly so she turned it off. she walked around the house, taking note of how clean it was thanks to matt.

deducing that there was nothing for her to do, she settled on watching tv in the living room. an hour later, the boys were returning home with more food than they could carry. nick had only a drink in his hand as matt and chris struggled to get everything up in one piece.

"a little help, please." matt nearly dropped the bag he was holding but y/n jumped over the couch just in time. she picked it up and caught chris staring at her.

"wow. good reflexes."

"yeah. thanks." y/n smiled awkwardly and set the bag on the kitchen table. matt shot chris a look and followed y/n to the kitchen. he handed y/n the food he got for her and began eating his own. chris sat across from her and ate silently while his brother and y/n talked. he hate not being the one who could do that, which meant he hate himself because of the way he had treated her.

after they ate, chris went to his room. y/n watched him disappear around the corner and turned back to matt. he raised his eyebrow at her.

"if you really like him, you need to go down there and tell him. tell him how he hurt you and tell him everything. you two need to get over whatever issues you're having. and more importantly, you need each other. more than you both care to admit. so please, just go talk to him. he's hurting to."

"matt, it's different when a guy says it didn't mean anything. because for girls, we get attached easily. im not ashamed to admit it. and yes, i love him and it definitely meant something to me. but im not going to force him to feel the same way, matt." y/n walked to matt's room and sighed. she knew he was right but she was also really stubborn. this time, it had to be him that made the first move.

matt didn't mean to upset her but he was right. however, he knew that neither of them would be the ones to make the first move so he had to do it for them.

to christopher🖕🏻: get your butt upstairs. it's important

to y/n💕: get your butt out here. it's important

he sat back and waited for them to show up in the living room. when y/n ran out of the room, he knew his plan was working.

"what's so important?"

"well i-"

"what's so important, matt?" chris came up from his room and locked eyes with y/n.

"you guys need to talk and neither of you are leaving until you sit down and have a conversation."

"can we talk privately?"

"only if it's in your room and you can promise me you'll talk."

"fine." chris shook his head and went back to his room. y/n sighed and followed. once they were both inside, matt stood at the top of the stairs and made sure they didn't leave.

once inside the room, y/n took a seat in chris' chair while he sat on the end of the bed.

"i didn't mean it." chris was he first to speak.

"yeah we covered that this morning."

"no. i meant that i didn't mean it when i told you ididn't mean it. what we did was most definitely not a mistake and im really sorry for making you think i was. i have a lot of regrets from the past but having sex with you is not one of them." he stood up and knelt so he was at her eye level. her gaze was fixed on the floor. he grabbed her chin and made her look into his eyes. "i meant what i said about the love. i absolutely, 100% do love you. there's never been a doubt in my mind that i do. i only said i didnt mean it because i thought it scared you off. i was doing what i thought you wanted."

"what on earth would make you think i didn't want to hear you say that?"

"well, for starters, after i said i loved you, you completely zoned out and then you said 'thank you' before rushing out of my room. i figured that the feelings weren't mutual."

"chris, they're very much mutual." y/n looked at him. "i'm sorry for making you think otherwise. i felt like an idiot when i left earlier because you looked so upset when i reacted the way that i did. god, chris. i love you. so freaking much. it kills me because you may be my soulmate & i'm scared of pushing you away."

"we can get through this together, y/n. believe me. you are the only person i've ever loved & you'll be the only person i love for the rest of my life." he held her hands tightly. "i just want to be with you. please say you'll be my girl."

"before i give you my answer, i need to know one thing."

"what?"

"on a scale of 1-10, how much did you enjoy the sex?"

"literally broke the scale. it was so mindblowingly perfect and crazy & everything i have ever wanted to experience. you are perfect and crazy and just so beautiful. did i mention you're perfect? because you really, really are."

"that was a great answer." y/n giggled and before she could say anything further, chris grabbed her face and kissed her.

"so, will you be my girlfriend? because i don't know how i'll continue living knowing you're not mine."

"of course i will, chris." it was y/n's turn to kiss chris. she pulled him in close. to the point where he now had both hands on the arms of his chair and he was leaning over her.

"can we go get comfortable on the bed? no sex. unless you want to."

"come on." y/n got up and pulled him to the bed. she laid down and he hovered over her while kissing her passionately.

they were so wrapped up in each other that they didn't notice matt standing in the doorway. only when he spoke up did they finally pull apart.

"i'm glad my plan worked." he smirked and leaned against the doorframe. "make sure to thank me at your wedding."

"get out of here!" y/n and chris both threw a pillow at matt. he caught both and laughed.

"clearly you're meant to be together. good night." he tossed the pillows back and ran up the stairs.

"wow. that was a bit of a mood killer."

"was it though?" y/n smirked and pulled chris back into her. their bodies quickly molding into one as the clothes flew off and the sheets got tangled.

taglist: @worldlxvlys @carolinalikesthings @fearfam69691 @junnniiieee07 @suyga @spicychrizzz @chrisloyalgf @hi-7-hi

[thetriplets3]

hey :) how about writing a fic with chris where they're both just super oblivious - like they're just friends in the start and then maybe matt and nick notice that chris acts a little different around the reader and matt tells her that he has a feeling chris likes her <3 idk if that makes sense at all heheh, thank you

❝𝐚𝐥𝐰𝐚𝐲𝐬 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮❞

matt, nick, and chris are the most constant thing in my life and they have been since we were 8. my relationship is different with each of them.

matt is the one i go to when i’m having a bad day, when i want to chill and not be around the madness that is his brothers, the one i go to for help and advice with mental health and feelings. he understands what it’s like and always makes sure you’re okay. matt notices the small things no one else does, he’s just thoughtful of everyone around him.

nick is the one i go to for life advice, when i need to get something off my chest and rant he’s there to listen and validate my feelings, the one i go to when there’s things i want to do that matt and chris don’t want to do. nick always brightens my darkest days and he knows how much he makes my days better he’ll do anything to cheer me up.

chris is the one i go to when i need a distraction from life. chris will goof off and pull out all his best jokes to get a laugh out of you. despite being the most energetic and chaotic of the boys, he can be a softie and calm when he needs to. being the youngest sibling he’s definitely the most clingy and loves physical touch, and will gravitate towards whoever he’s closest with and be stuck to their side. it always makes my heart flutter when i’m the person he feels most comfortable with to be soft and vulnerable. any feeling i had for the boy growing up pushed them away knowing he was my best friend and would only ever see me as such. despite this he’s my boy.

growing up with the boys i’ve basically had 3 body guards wherever i go. they always check in on me if we’re out, if i haven’t seen them in a few days. i’ve noticed chris is always the first to notice if anything is slightly wrong, always being the first to help me. he’s been that way since we were kids.

third person pov:

chris has never been great with saying his feelings and the thought of having to tell you he likes you, scares the shit out of him. apart of him has pushed that thought to the back of his mind, opting to just express his feelings without words.

for years the small gestures of affection from the pair went unnoticed. gravitating towards each other like a ground point, keeping an eye on each other, willing to drop everything for the other. he refused to be the first to break a hug wanting to hold her forever, or until she let go. he cheers for her when anything good happened to her, because she deserves everything good the world has to offer. he cheers for her at the top of his lungs. that’s his girl.

she was his girl and he was her boy, and neither of them knew.

it wasn’t until one night her and the boys were having a movie night and piled on the couch. she was curled up with her head on his chest being held by chris, with matt and nick on the other end of the couch.

matt looked over at his younger brother and the girl he considered a sister, rolling his eyes.

“hey y/n can you help me fill the popcorn and get more drinks?” the boy asked.

“of course once chris lets go of me” she said pointedly to the boy clinging to her like his life depends on it.

with a huff the boy the boy let go, holding her hand until she got too far away to reach. matt placed a popcorn bag from the cupboard into the microwave before lowly talking.

“i need to tell you this because i want you to be happy and for yours and my brothers sake i want you to make a decision that’s good for you” he looks at the girl for a sign of confirmation that she wants to know. “chris has had feelings for you for the last 12 years and he was too scared to say anything and it’s just painful watching you guys act all coupley when neither of you will tell the other how you feel and don’t say you don’t because i know damn well you do” he stared at her, waiting for a reaction as he takes the popcorn out.

“oh. really? so i was crazy to think he’d never see me as more than a friend. you wanna know something? it’s always been him. i didn’t want to lose him or you guys so i never said anything and just accepted that i’ll only have brief moments affection with the guy i dreamed of forever with” she sadly smiles, wishing this happened 12 years ago. “i’m not bringing this up with him, i can’t risk losing you guys. i’d rather be friends than nothing at all. it’s been 12 years, he’s 20 now and popular on the internet there’s so many people for him to pick from, not some crush when he was 8”

she was in denial. as much as she wanted to believe matt, she wouldn’t believe it until it came from the boy himself. brushing those thoughts off she carries the drinks back to the couch where she hands out the drinks.

it was a few days later when matt called chris into his room to “hang out” which was a guise for an interrogation. “you had a crush on y/n when we were little, didn’t you”

“how could i not, always have, always will. i’m scared of losing her. the thought of telling her i love her and knowing there’s a chance i could never see her again, i couldn’t do it. whether i keep it to myself or i tell her, she’ll always be the first one i choose. it’s always been her and it always will be”

“listen when i tell you this, the feeling goes both ways. i’m not saying anything more, just please talk to her you two deserve to be happy”

and with that the younger boy sat for a second weighing his options. nodding to himself, he gets a pat on the back followed by a “you can do this, kid”

°•. ✿ .•°

it was a chilly, raining afternoon. the two laid in each others arms enjoying the radiating heat under the heavy duvet. the office reruns playing quietly in the background, neither paying too much attention to it as thoughts filled their heads.

“hey uh can i tell you something?” chris asks.

“you can tell me anything, i’m all ears” she turns her head, trying her best to make eye contact without leaving his hold.

“i’m just gonna say because it’s been too long already, i have loved you since we were 8 and i was too scared of losing you so i never said anything but it’s always been you. i don’t have eyes for anyone but you”

“it’s always been you chris. i love you” she said as he leans his face down towards hers, crashing his lips on to hers.

“i know this is 12 years too late but will you be my girlfriend?”

“about time. of course i will”

she was his girl and he was her boy, and they both finally knew.

taglist: @antisocialties @iluvmatt @dwntwn-strnlo @fake-coolbeans @opheliaofficial07 @angelcake-222 @oneirophobic @strniolo @lollibumblebee @ssturniolo @20nugs @abbie13sworld

[katzenprinz]

Do any of them have gained fears or natural phobias? If I remember correctly, Jason had some fear of being stalked/being alone a few chapters ago

I think it’s safe to say that all of them have a significant level of trauma, but it is definitely manifesting in different ways for sure.

For Jason, yeah, absolutely, he is constantly aware of who is around him and if he is being watched. This is going to manifest itself in multiple ways throughout Say Nothing. In the chapter where he ran back to the throne room, that was a moment of him giving into the fear of being watched, ironically because he felt he was not being watched and therefore was free to expose his fear without judgment.

Jason also has so much internalized homophobia. He’s frozen up multiple times because he is afraid of being perceived as gay. Even being in a committed relationship with Salim, he has so much to unlearn and he’s only just begun.

For Salim it is less internalized homophobia and more a fear of the repercussions of what might happen to him and how he might be persecuted if people were to know he is gay. That fear also extends to making sure nobody can ever take him away from his son.

Salim’s biggest fear and his biggest motivator to get through things is always going to be making sure Zain is safe and happy. And the same for Jason, now, too.

For Nick, we know about his fear of making the wrong call and having to live with those consequences for the rest of his life. It’s possible for Nick to make a lot of bad calls throughout the game. He can accidentally kill Merwin. He can fuck up during fights if you miss QTEs and becomes the reason Jason gets injured. Up until he plants the explosives he is pretty unreliable under pressure, and I think the reason he volunteers himself for that task, at least in part, is because that choice will not put anyone aside from himself in danger, removing any guilt he might feel if Jason or Salim went. But we see that if he survives that, then immediately after when Salim gets separated from the rest of them, even though his bad choices in the past weigh heavy on him through the whole game, his automatic response in the face of danger is to make whatever call is self-preserving over saving another person. And he obviously knows this about himself. Especially at this point in Say Nothing. He’s had a lot of time to reflect on his past actions. So Nick, currently, avoids making big decisions altogether if he can. (And we’re going to see that reflected in his relationship with Rachel and Eric soon.)

As far as Rachel goes, she is for sure the sort to have very internal fears that connect with how she is viewed, much like Jason. But her fears are about her ability. It bothers her to be viewed as not in control, and that applies to most things about her, not just her job. She likes to be in control of missions. She likes to be in control when it comes to her relationships - not controlling, but independent from her partners. She is chafing under the contract SOCOM has her under.

I think Eric’s fears also relate to his abilities. They are similar to Rachel’s, but for him it’s about being seen as competent. To me, Eric pushes his command and tried to enforce it so much in the game because he has failed when it comes to Caelus. His command of this unit was given to him because he supposedly found this weapons stash - except he didn’t, so his ability has been called into question and all he has left to lean on is his rank. But we see that, even though at times he is pissy about it, he lets Jason take control multiple times. He lets Jason and Nick go ahead to scout and to set up the surveilance cameras. He knows at the end of the day he is in charge and makes the calls. What irritates him is that Jason and Nick don’t view him as a capable leader, or even as a capable man. He has a failed marriage. Caelus, the project that has been his baby for at least the past year if not longer, didn’t work. Salim escapes from him if they take Salim as a prisoner. So in Say Nothing Eric is trying his damndest to show that he is capable, despite the multiple mistakes he has made.

Eric also has nightmares about the car wreck, but he plays them off as nightmares about the vampires.

For Jones we’ll be touching on a specific fear of his that he has developed in coming chapters~ for now, he is definitely shaken by the knowledge that supernatural creatures exist. That first vampire he saw utterly terrified him.

Palmer has developed a fear of loneliness that he has never shared with anyone. He’s a pretty independent person and likes his own company - but because he sees ghosts, and they know he can see them, there is often one nearby and he has become so used to this that he does not like it much when there is nobody around him, whether they are living or not. Being a soldier, at least, means he’s pretty rarely by himself.

Elliott is honestly pretty chill. He doesn’t have any serious phobias, just a healthy fear of things that the majority of people have a fear of.

Mosson has some deep fears that we can’t reveal just yet~

Rana is also pretty chill. She is the oldest of the whole group and has plenty of life experience. She has seen and done so much. It’s difficult to phase her. The vampires do scare her, but in the same way having a close call with a bear would scare her.

Kim’s biggest fear is of being trapped, literally and figuratively. Not the best fear to have when you are in an ancient underground temple, or under contract with a corrupt military agency. But she is eternally loyal and has such deep respect for her comrades, she never lets these fears impact her doing her duty. She willingly went on this mission, after all, so she could protect this team and get them through the next four years.

[tia-amorosa]

Sunset Died - Bunch Family

New Hope - Part 2

It didn't take long for the other children to arrive home. And they immediately noticed that the atmosphere in the house was completely different. “What's going on here, has someone won something?"/ ”Oh kids, you won't believe what's happened. Our call for help has finally arrived"/ ‘what?’.

Judy was very excited, but she continued to speak calmly. “do You remember the email your father sent to his former colleague a few months ago?…"/ ‘Yes, did.. Did she reply?’/ ‘Yes, and she's going to send us help’. Lisa's eyes widened “No way… Finally!”/ “And you're sure the email wasn't a fake?”/ “No, Ethan, it definitely wasn't.”/ “hh, o.k…. That's really amazing”.

All of Ethan's mental tension was also released. He went to his mother and hugged her. “And I thought we were going to perish miserably here at some point”/ “Oh no, my darling. She wrote to us that she would come here as soon as possible. She was on assignment and your father's e-mail ended up in the wrong folder, my goodness, such stress, hnhn…”.

“Do the others already know?"/ ”Well… no. Your father had the macabre idea of keeping them in the dark until the help arrives"/ ‘That's a joke, isn't it?’ asked Ethan, almost a little shocked. Whereas his sister was a little amused. “Daddy, haha, you can't do that"/ ‘Why not?’, said Jack in a completely serious voice. “How long did Nick Alto put us off before he finally opened his mouth? Please, let me have this fun, I know I can rely on Erin”.

“Does that mean… We can't tell anyone about this, Dad?"/ ‘That's right… No one.’. Jack was determined to get the locals surprise a bit. He already had a rough idea of what Erin might be up to. “Do your homework now.”.

As the children were doing their homework, Judy took her husband aside for a moment. “Do you think it was a good idea to let the kids in on it right away?"/ ”We've always been able to stick together as a family, we should do the same now. I know Arlo can be difficult sometimes, he doesn't like to keep his feet still and blurts things out quickly, but I'll talk to him again. And I'll write Erin a reply later“”/ “all right. “.

“I remember well that you didn't get on well with her at all at the beginning"/ ”She was very rebellious. She was in a lower position back then, but she didn't want to see that… Nevertheless, she knew how to assert herself against others. And now she's in a leadership position. What do you say I build us a warm fire in the fireplace?"/ ‘mhm’.

Judy looked after the children. They were sitting quietly at the table or next to it, doing their homework. “Will you help me with dinner then, Lisa? Then you can take something for VJ later". Lisa looked at her mother briefly and smiled. “mhm, o.k.. What are we going to cook?"/ ‘let's see…’.

Jack made sure that the house was a little warmer. The fireplace was a great luxury in those months. Jack remembered how they had spent Christmas in previous years. Either just in a close circle, or with a few friends. There was a big tree in the corner of the living room. There were lots of colorful presents… “Now we don't need anything but each other”.

Later. Mother and daughter have consulted about dinner. Judy decided on a hot meal, while Lisa prepared a salad. “I'm amazed that the vegetables are still so fresh, even though we harvested them weeks ago"/ ”Oh, don't underestimate a good head of lettuce. It will keep for a very long time if stored properly”.

“That reminds me, I found an old cookbook from my mother. She wrote it herself back then"/ ”Really? Grandma wrote a cookbook?"/ ”hnhn, well, for herself and the family, nothing public. If you want, I'll give it to you, the recipes are all very simple…"/ ‘mhm, okay’.

After she had prepa enred the salad, Lisa turned to her mother again. “Have you checked what I can take for VJ? Surely we still have some canned vegetables, right?"/ ‘hmm, I haven't counted yet, but there should be enough left, yes.’/ ‘OK, I'll put it in my backpack then’.

Judy prepared a hearty, spicy pie. And while it was still hot, they wanted to make the most of the time together. “I hope he likes it. You said he hasn't been eating much lately. Tell him… If he doesn't have enough to eat or can't cope with… the cold, he's welcome to come to us"/ ”really? OK, I'll tell him, but he's still skeptical about you"/ ‘he's done a lot of dumb things… but I've seen recently that people can change.’.

“it's nice that you've finally realized that, mom,” Lisa said in a funny ironic tone. ”hnhn, you cheeky mouse. Now go on, or the pie will be a lump of ice when you get to him. And don't get up to any mischief"/ ‘We're not,’ Lisa winked at her. Judy then noticed the somewhat disgusted look on her husband's face. “Is everything all right, Jack?"/ ‘I think I'd better have some of the pie, the salad is definitely too green for me’/ ‘hnhn’.

Lisa had packed everything important in the backpack together with her mother. She had not only packed the food for the evening, but also a few little things to make VJ happy. Even though she knew he wasn't a fan of frills. With a few thoughts about the weekend ahead, she made her way to him.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

@greenplumbboblover ⭐

[the-feels-assassin]

A Pern/Avengers Crossover (That No One Asked for)

So I was reading a recent popular book involving dragons and dragonriders, and thinking how much I like the Dragonriders of Pern better (lol), and of course my brain did it's thing. So here you have it. My definitive opinion on what sorts of people the Avengers would be in the world of Pern.

We're gonna start with Steve/Peggy/Bucky because I HAVE THOUGHTS:

Of course this is during a Pass, because Steve/Peggy/Bucky have to be during a time of War and a Pass is the closet we have to War in the Dragonrider sof Pern.

Steve Rogers: oh, Steve. Poor, tiny, sickly Steve. He and Bucky are fosters at a Weyr, but no one expects/wants Steve to bond a dragon because no one is confident this sickly kid is going to live through the night at any given time. So either they keep him off the sands during a hatching or he's up in the bleachers. But Steve, being Steve, we get a Jaxom or Keevan scenario. No one means Steve to Impress a dragon, but of course you can't communicate that to freshly hatched dragons. And so of course between the sheer determination of Steve pulling himself out of the infirmary (ala Keevan in The Smallest Dragon Boy) and the stubbornness of the dragon refusing everyone on the sands (ala Ruth looking for Jaxom), we get tiny Steve Rogers bonded to what will be the biggest, most powerful Bronze Dragon the Weyr has ever seen. Steve becomes a Wingleader and everyone expect he'll be Weyrleader one day when Peggy becomes head Weyrwoman. Which leads us to Peggy Carter

Peggy Carter: Peggy is a rider of a gold dragon, of course she is. She was fostered in a different Weyr from Steve and Bucky (hence the different accent), but due to injuries and deaths during the passes, she gets redistributed to another Weyr that is lean on Golds and their leading Gold and Weyrwoman are aging. Peggy will be the next Weyrwoman. She is Peggy Carter in every way, fierce and determined, and like Lessa she fights the leadership of her time to enable Gold dragons to fight. Because Peggy Carter is all about sticking it to the patriarchy.

Bucky Barnes: Bucky Barnes is solid and reliable and dependable. He Impressed one of those Brown dragons that's as big as a Bronze (ala F'nor and Canth). He is Steve's Wing-Second. And then something happens while they are fighting Thread. Bucky is hit. Thread takes his left arm and sears most of his dragon on the left side. His dragon jumps Between and never comes back. Everyone assumes Bucky went with him, dead.

Everyone, of course, assumes wrong.

So what happens to Steve?

Steve just fought Thread, the battle is over and he's beat, and he's just doing a sweep to make sure nothing got through. It's time to go home; he goes to jump Between. He accidentally jumps time. He envisioned something off--something in the stars, maybe it was a night jump?--and suddenly he's in the future. He has no idea how to get back. Steve Rogers is a bit of a legend. His arrival sends both the Weyr into chaos, but also no one really believes it's him. They need the Harpers to verify, since the Harpers hold the history of Pern.

Which of course...brings us to SHIELD.

Because we all know the Harpers are the Spies of Pern, and the Masterharper of Pern is the most powerful man on Pern (search your feelings, you know it to be true) so of course I'm saying that:

Nick Fury: Nick Fury is the mother-loving Masterharper of Pern. Look, I don't care if he doesn't sing or play an instrument that we know of in the Marvel movies. In the Pern novels, Robinton has his fingers in EVERYTHING. He is the puppet master. Nick Fury is the Masterharper of Pern. I will brook no argument on this. Which of course means all of our SHIELD agents are harpers. Yes. It's wonderful.

Clint Barton: I mean how could Clint Barton NOT be a harper? He grew up Holdless. He picked up his acrobatic, juggling, and archery skills as a Holdless kid. But a Harper (probably Fury) saw his talent and potential and recruited him to be a Harper. Sure the kid is partially deaf, but he's a natural with an instrument and a born-entertainer. He's also so darn personable. Everyone immediately likes him and trusts him and tells him things. So of course, of course he's a perfect Harper, a perfect person to collect information and brook trust with the Holdless, Holds, and Weyrs alike.

Natasha Romanoff: There isn't really an equivalent of the Soviet Union in Pern. Natasha grows up in the Southern Continent, maybe the child of an Oldtimer exiled there. I think like Menolly, Natasha naturally Impressed a whole little flight of fire lizards, because she is like that. While Natasha is raised in an environment where all those in the Northern Continent are the enemy, eventually she meets Clint Barton and is recruited to Harper Hall and to the cause of ridding Pern of thread forever (the Ultimate Goal).

Phil Coulson: Look he makes Harper Hall run. He mostly stays in Harper Hall while Fury is out doing God knows what, and it's Coulson who is keeping tabs and getting reports from Barton and Romanoff.

Okay but what about Tony and Bruce? They are the last two Main Avengers left.

Tony Stark: Obviously the youngest Master ever at Smithcraft Hall. Could be on track to be the next Mastersmith BUT you know Tony. He likes to work on what he wants to work on. He's a genius and we love him, but staying within an authority matrix or running one isn't his strong suit. Eventually he becomes the head of Computer craft, when he meets....

JARVIS: Obviously the AIVAS analog. Tony is just bitter he didn't invent JARVIS himself. In this AU, I think it's Natasha who discovers AIVAS, while messing around on the Southern continent, doing her undercover recon thing. She sends her queen firelizard (the only one with two brain cells, obviously) to report back to Fury, who immediately gets Tony down there via Dragon. And of course that Dragonrider is none other than Tony's best friend.

James Rhodes: Rhodey was raised in Smithcraft Hall, went to be fostered at a Weyr for a short period of time, mainly to learn more about the Weyr's needs and how Smithcraft Hall could better plug in and whoops, impressed a dragon. Tony is still mad his best friend "abandoned him" for a "giant lizard" (which really Tony is just incredibly jealous. Who doesn't want to be a dragonrider?).

Bruce Banner: Bruce is basically the opposite of Rhodey. He was a dragonrider and he lost his dragon fighting Thread. This has left Bruce teetering between suicidal depression and complete rage. He's found new purpose in Smithcraft Hall and has become friends with Tony, but there is just a pain in him that is indescribable and everyone who interacts with him can feel it. In this AU, General Ross is the Weyrleader of the Weyr that Bruce was in--Betty is still his daughter and a gold rider. But since Bruce's bronze dragon is dead, well, there is just really no future for him and Betty.

Okay that's it for now. I have no idea what happened to Bucky (how does he come back? What is a Winter Soldier equivalent in Pern??), and I have no intention of writing a story in this AU, but inexplicably this keeps coming to me.

[sunnyrealist]

🌶️ Chapter 28: Stress Relief 🌶️

The Sun, the Moon, and All Our Stars

Summary and Details…

Chapter Background and Summary: Sebastian's partner on assignment for the Kelpies gang attempted to drown a child to entice his mother to give up a Time Turner (a new invention) hidden in their home. Sebastian took the Time Turner from her and was able to save the boy just in the nick of time. Sebastian was reprimanded by Mr. Rees Cuddy, the leader of the Kelpies, for doing so, but he was also rewarded for delivering the Time Turner. Sebastian is now going to be put in charge of safeguarding the Time Turner until the Kelpies have figured out how it works and how exactly they will use it. His mind is reeling with this information, along with processing the events that led to acquiring the magical item. This chapter takes place the following day after work when Kate and Sebastian get to see each other again.

Pairing: Aged-up, post-Azkaban Sebastian Sallow x Kate Mayflower (my OC)

Content warnings: In general, this story is rated 18+, so MNDI! This chapter features rough doggy-style sex, including very light choking.

The full chapter is available below the cut; it can also be found on AO3 (link is posted below). Any feedback is appreciated. A comment, like, or Kudos would make my day!

Chapter 28: Stress Relief

When Kate arrives home from work on Wednesday, she shuts the door, walks into her bedroom, picks up one of her pillows, and screams into it.

It had quite possibly been one of the worst days she had ever had in the Hogwarts library.

Pretty much everything that could have gone wrong did go wrong.

She flops onto her bed, clutches a pillow, assumes the fetal position, and begins to cry.

She is sniffling into a handkerchief when she hears a knock on the door and then the most welcome voice in the entire world.

“Kate?” Sebastian calls. “Are you home?”

“Yes,” she responds loudly. “I’m in the bedroom.”

He enters the room with a huge bouquet of sunflowers, a huge smile on his face, but it drops almost immediately when he sees her tear-stained face. 

“Merlin’s beard,” he gasps. “What’s wrong?”

He leaves the bouquet on her dresser, then sits next to her on the bed and takes her hands, his face filled with concern.

“Everything at work,” she replied somberly. “Terrible day.”

Sebastian rubs her hands soothingly. “I’m so sorry, my love. What happened? Do you want to tell me about it?”

“Agnes announced that she is definitely not retiring this year. I caught two Gryffindors literally having sex against a bookshelf. 14-year-olds. 14-year-olds!” She paused. “I’ve never dealt with more messes in my entire career at Hogwarts. It’s like a storm came upon the library and scattered books everywhere. The students aren’t cleaning up after themselves since they know the school year is over. Plus, I found at least twenty books incorrectly shelved in the wrong sections.” 

Sebastian is about to say something until she continues.

“Peeves was shouting in the library, causing a ruckus. I caught a Slytherin trying to sneak into the Restricted Section without permission - and then he acted like I am the most strict librarian in the world! I made a jam sandwich for lunch and spilled it all over my white shirt. That was an easy fix but still just another thing that went wrong. None of my student assistants helped with anything today - apparently they were too keen to gossip instead of work. They’re just done. And Matilda Weasley informed me we were getting an influx of cursed magical artifacts to store in the Restricted Section, which of course are dangerous as hell to work with. I told her I was too nervous to catalog them, and she seemed quite disappointed in me.” She sighs dramatically.

Sebastian begins to run his hand through her hair soothingly. “My poor, sweet sun. Well… I brought you sunflowers. I thought they might make you think of how close you are to your summer holiday. Now it’s clear you need them more than ever to cheer up. What else can I do for my darling?”

“Please help me relieve stress. I don’t want to cook. I don’t want to do anything or think about anything,” Kate begs. “I’m so glad you are here, Sebastian. I need you.”

He pulls her to him, holding her close. “I’m here. Let it out. I’ll take care of you tonight.”

Sebastian spends some time thinking about what he might do to help her calm down.

After a few minutes, he claps his hands together and says, “Alright. Here’s the plan. I am going to cook dinner for us both. We’re going to drink some good wine and enjoy some dessert. I’m going to draw a nice, warm bubble bath for you, and then we’ll read in bed until… Wait, am I staying over tonight? I forgot to ask, but I brought a bag along just in case.” He waves his hands around. “No pressure - I don’t want you to stress over it at all.”

“Gods, that sounds perfect, and yes, you’re staying over. I demand it,” she replies quite seriously.

“Of course - your wish is my command, princess.” He chuckles.

This wasn’t how Sebastian envisioned the evening going, but he’s happy to help her. Any time spent with her is better than the alternative.

“Seb… one more thing that might help,” she says hesitantly, putting her hand on his arm. “I need you to fuck me. Hard. Really hard. No holding back.”

Sebastian’s eyes grow wide, and he grins wickedly. “Oh, yeah? I can manage that.”

Kate screams as he pushes into her in one fell swoop, his hands gripping her hips tight as he takes her from behind. “Seb!!!”

His eyes practically roll back into his head at how tight and wet she is for him. “Oh, Merlin, Kate… feels… so good.”

Sebastian begins to stroke, not starting off slow. Soon, he’s practically leaving her body and thrusting completely in, taking her roughly. His fingernails dig into her skin as she cries out over and over again. The sounds of their bodies slapping together provide a rhythm to their moans.

After a while, he presses his chest to her back and reaches around her to squeeze her breasts tight. Continuing to rut into her, he pinches her nipples harshly, and she wails. 

“Don’t stop - don’t stop!” she begs. “Sebastian, don’t stop - please!”

“I won’t. You’re just going to have to take it,” he growls. “I need this, too.”

Sebastian’s hand slowly makes its way to her collarbone, his fingers spreading wide and closing around her neck. He squeezes - not too hard, just testing the waters, as she gasps in surprise. Deciding not to push his luck, he straightens back up, grabbing handfuls of her hair and pulling it back.

“Fuck!” he shouts out. “I’m close.”

Kate is so pleased she is actually drooling. “Mmmm…. Nnnnghhh……”

Sebastian slams into her harder, his tip kissing her cervix repeatedly. She begins to scream, and then he feels her inner walls closing around him. She’s coming. 

Finally letting go, he groans, pushing as deep inside her as possible. He knows he is going to release a huge load of cum into her. His movements become erratic, and then, he explodes.

“Kate… Kate…” he moans, staying deep inside her and moving his hips back and forth slowly until he is positive he has spilled all of his seed.

Sebastian collapses onto Kate’s back, kissing her hair and her shoulders repeatedly as he catches his breath.

“Was… was that how you wanted it, sweetheart?” he asked.

“Fuck… yes. Exactly what I needed, my moon.”

He rolls over, not wanting to crush her completely under his weight. He cups her cheek and kisses her lips deeply, then directs her to lay on his chest.

“Me, too, my sun. Me, too. Gods, I needed that. You’re not the only one who has had a bad time at work lately.”

That night, after relaxing, they both fall asleep soundly, wrapped in each other’s arms. Neither of them stirs at all until morning, when they inevitably realize how much of a challenge it is to get up together to an alarm and say goodbye quickly.

Fortunately for Sebastian, Kate never notices him chugging Wiggenweld potion that morning and walking with a slight limp from the horse bite. He wouldn’t have a clue of how to explain his bad day after hearing about hers. She’s not ready.

[mariamariquinha]

Bossa Nova (Benny ‘Borracho’ Magalon x f!reader) - Nine

Eight | Ten

Summary: The LASD couldn't sustain its reputation as an honest police officer if it tried hard. In that case, no one tried.

Word count: 9.695.

Warnings: Bad words, talks about corruption, talks about sexism and racism, mentions of oral sex, mention of drug crimes, violence and other things related, strip clubs, sex workers, use of weed and... did I say sexism?

Author’s Note: I think this got a lot more personal than I thought, so I'm sorry if anyone has family members within the LASD who aren't corrupt - this isn't about them. This chapter doesn't have much romance, I'll warn you right away, but it's an important progression in the main characters' relationship. Give it a try!

MINORS DO NOT INTERACT!

Join my taglist! Don’t forget to reblog, comment and like! As always, I would love to know what you’re all thinking! ❤

****

You didn't like your mother very much, but you definitely loved her. She was your mother, after all, and even though you knew you wouldn't be friends with her if you had that choice, you would love her like you love something because that's how it should be. You didn't think it was an obligation, and she didn't treat you badly, but there was always that feeling that because you were the first kid, she tested the options so much that she left you an arm's length away, and if it were different it would be weird. 

Again, you understood. She was your mother.

When you had the whole context of the divorce, she always came with comments. She noticed your house, your clothes, your silence; she insisted that Theodore say something, that he apologize, and you had to be definitive for it to stop.

But she was your mother. 

Emma didn't say things because she didn't like to commit, but you knew when she betrayed that direct opinion that your mother had about everything. It was like something mirrored, that instead of loud voices and cigarette smoke, you received a calculating coldness in sudden, discreet and passive comments. So you didn't confront her because, well, she wasn't your mother.

You knew you were on the edge since the situation with Ballard – so did she. And before all of that, there was the snickering, the ‘are you sure you are okay?’ with condescendent tone, the ‘maybe you should take some days off’ with a hint of a joke. You knew her and you knew each one of those mannerisms. 

Isla's situation wouldn't have grow so much in you if it weren't for the daily stress of things, yes, but it was the comment that Emma made when she went to ask you about Gina that made you stop, look and make sure you had actually heard that.

“I mean, look what getting close to Nick did to you. You weren't like this when you were still married.”

You weren't even talking about that – you had taken days to redo the work on the report, you were barely sleeping and honestly nothing she was saying had reached your ear until that moment. For her, it was another comment that you would ignore, another small micro-aggression that would pass, so she continued typing on the computer and the weight of the air in her office seemed to fall solely on you.

“... I beg your pardon?” 

She glanced at you and went back to the computer screen. 

“Yeah, you know. Women tend to rely on male powerful figures when in lack of it. Freud said something about it, didn’t he?”

“Emma, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

That did catch her attention. She backed away, then saw your offended expression and actually turned to you, alert.

“I’m sorry if I said something wrong,” And even that sounded wrong. 

“It's not just that, you're acting like an idiot to everyone here! Walsh treated me like an idiot and harassed me, which you glossed over and blamed on me. Gina was concise and conscientious about finding out about Isla and Nick because it would sink the Department, and you did nothing. What is that?” 

Emma hesitated. With a lick of her lips, she probably calculated that being all about ‘I’m wrong, right?’ wouldn’t work, so she took her time. 

“... I’m thinking of what’s best for you. Protecting your integrity for what it’s to come.”

“And what the fuck is to come? Tell me, Emma, what is it? I-” You took a deep breath. “Do you want to know? I don't want to know. I really don't want to. Whatever shit you or Magalon are warning me about in fucking code, I don't want to know.” 

“What did Magalon tell you?”

“I feel like I'm talking to my ex… Have you heard what I said before?” You pressed, getting on your feet with a huff of frustration. “Make a fucking decision Emma, ​​just… Make a fucking decision. And don't ever disrespect me like that again.” 

****

“My husband was a member of the group.”

Isla had a calm voice despite the context in which she was inserted. There were no handcuffs on her wrists or a guard inside the room; everything was done very smoothly. Her lawyer was there, tho, and he was sending Zapata some glares while they talked. There was a palpable tension in the air, as if a black cloud of violence or distortion hung within that interrogation room.

Really, you shouldn't even be there, watching. Henderson was sitting to one side as he watched through the glass the conversation Zapata and Emma were having with the woman, and that should be enough for them. Even so, it was Emma who suggested that you participate indirectly, as if using a petty way to see if you were really immersed in the work like you said. 

According to the file, Isla was of Albanian origin. The parents were immigrants and ran a small textile business in Coney Island, but they weren’t anything but a fast topic of conversation. The features of her face, such as the more rounded nose and the full face, were soft, even if her lips were dry. She was in a wheelchair, her arm had a bandage. 

Looking at it that way, she didn't look so much like Debbie. Maybe their comparison was in the attitude: the two seemed equally taken by a feeling that hovered only in Nick. One that you didn't know what it was and that maybe nobody could put their finger on.

She spoke of everything. Kosovo, her relationship with a man named Oliver Clark, her marriage and children – Selim, with 5, and Dafina, with 9. 

You just noticed that Nick entered the room when you smelled his cologne. Bad smell, as always, enough to break any serious moment with that fragrance. You couldn’t help but make a face, pinching your nostrils once and clearing your throat. He ignored you, of course. Benny appeared right behind him with two cups of coffee – you two shared a brief look.

“We have the search warrant,” He said to everyone in the room, eyeing the scene in front of you with a stern face. “I also got WPP.”  

A little late for that.

“Anything important?” Took you time to understand that the question was directed to you. When the silence became too much, you turned to him and saw everyone staring. 

“... Nothing I didn't already imagine. I'll have better luck when I have the equipment,” You leaned over the table, just a touch, and read the notes you’d taken. “Leica M6 35mm, Pentax K1000 and… Nikon 35 Ti. Analog. This Leica is a rarity, I think it was the one she used for the Long Beach homicides.”

“Couldn't it have been someone else?” Henderson asked. 

“Is that just a stupid question or do you want to make sure we've tested all options?”

“Both. So?” Nick pressed, arms crossed and nothing but harshness on his tone. 

You observed him for a beat, considered your chances there. 

“... The Leica is from the beginning of the last century, like, the 30's to the 50's. At least this model she said she has. In addition to being rare, not everyone nowadays can handle it because the resources are basically mechanical. It would be an absurd coincidence, which is not quite the case.”

“We've dealt with coincidences before.”

“Well, you would know the truth better than anyone.”

O’Brien didn’t answer. You rolled your eyes, going back to the notes before giving Isla another look. 

“How long has she been doing this?” The question was kind of thrown up in the air, as no one dared to answer. You glared at them, specifically at Nick, who huffed in annoyance before saying something.

“Two years.”

“And the case landed in your lap…” You said. “It seems that you really work with coincidences.”  

Again, no answer. Feeling like you couldn't get from point A to B with anyone there, you jotted down some more information on paper and stretched your back, rolling your shoulders.

“It will be manual stuff then. They’ll have to look at each negative.”

“If it can be done then I don't see a problem.”

“It's a good opportunity to tell me anything else I don't already know,” You conceded, voice contained to prevent any progression there. It was like swallowing a fucking lamp. 

Everyone was quiet when they heard Isla speak again, attentive as they watched every detail of the story that should no longer be news to Nick's ears. You were so concentrated that the noises of chairs dragging on the floor didn't even call your attention. Someone said something, the door opened and closed, and suddenly there was a cup of coffee right next to you.

Benny tapped the lid twice.

“Decaf,” He mouthed discreetly before retrieving his proximity and leaving the room. 

You and Henderson shared a glance, but he didn’t say a thing. You two were busy anyway. 

****

Benny didn't have a very organized routine, but he could count how many times he thought about you after that shitty lunch: two.

1. That coffee wasn't for you, but he thought of you when he noticed that the Starbucks server had made the wrong order. It was kind of spontaneous. Suddenly you were there, at the front of his mind, like you were hovering around and ready to just emerge. He put it there, left the cup as if saying ‘you can have it if you want, but if you don’t it’s fine’. No one brought the subject up.

2. Nick had gone to the store to meet an informant and someone, probably Connors, saw a familiar figure at the register when they entered. Benny knew it was Murph who commented, but he saw Zapata turn his head to look at the guy.

“Do you know who he is?”

“Who?” Benny frowned, unaware of the commotion. He turned his head, saw the dude standing there staring at his phone – like a normal person. 

“This is Theodore Park, our trouble girl's ex.”  

There was only one person Connors called ‘trouble girl' and it wasn't usually the kind of comment that came from beyond the grave. However he recognized the guy, whether it was a run-in at office parties that Benny barely attended or some private investigation that bordered on a stalker personality from Murph’s part, it seemed to be true. When Magalon looked back again, Theodore Park was gone.

The second time, then, he discovered who your ex-husband was while listening to what seemed like irrelevant information to the investigation. In the midst of Nick's reticence and failures, Theodore Park was the object of his interest. 

He was tall compared to the 5'7 that Benny was. Maybe 6'2, compared to O'Brien. There were some university articles about him (three paragraphs at Berkeley, two large PDFs at CSULB that he didn't read, and good references at Caltech) and he seemed successful with an information systems company or something. Benny could never speak properly about these things because he was never interested; as long as he had a phone that worked, he knew how to use the most intuitive social media and that was it. But not Theodore, no. The guy was a successful man in that aspect, indeed. A rich guy on the way. Without much effort, Benny would see this dude doing TED Talks and making Forbes in a few years. Which had nothing to do with him, or what seemed like your type of guy. If Theodore was on one side of the spectrum, Benny was on the other in every way.

Still, Magalon didn't do much with this information. There wasn't much he could do with it anyway.

It was only later – days later – when they had agreed to go to a 'club' to 'decompress', that he found himself thinking about you for the third time. 

Earlier that day, he saw you talking to Lennon over what seemed like conventional pleasantries between friends. You were wearing jeans, both hands in your back pockets as you paid attention to something that was being said. Your usual lab coat was gone, probably because Benny could clearly see that your shirt was tighter, had a wider bust and the position of your arms gave a subtle view of your breasts. Nothing indiscreet, because you weren't indiscreet. That outfit, however, made Benny have a sudden indiscreet thought, and it stayed in his head all day. 

He hadn't looked for you anymore – he hadn't had the chance to do that. Things escalated and suddenly there he was talking about how similar he was to Nick, pushing you away with a passive behavior that clearly pissed you off. You didn't even react, which he understood as full acceptance of the fact that he was an asshole, as if that was the one thing that Benny and a technology nerd like Theodore had in common: being a scoundrel. You treated him as always, even though what had already happened between you should have been enough for that 'always' to change.

It was sad. He really was starting to like what you two started to have. 

The girl standing next to him was called Lindsay. She sat down, started a conversation; they talked very little. Lindsay was wasted, not even bothering to clean the traces of cocaine from her top lip and nose or the way her eyes were dark. Benny asked if she wanted to go home and another friend, named Tracy (or Tara), who was visibly lucid, said it was a good idea. He paid for the taxi, made sure they got into the car safely, and discreetly showed the driver his badge. Like any other night.

He watched the taxi disappear down the street, then, on the other side, the movement of cars on that side of the city. It was late summer and the breeze of the change of season was a sure sign of the arrival of autumn, so he felt the wind hit his face. 

Benny didn't go back up to the hotel room with the guys. He handed the parking pass to the usual guy, got in the car and headed home.

No, not like any other night. That time, Benny felt another wave of what someone once said was a ‘midlife crisis’.

****

You weren't a fan of bathtubs. Well, you had one, but it was that kind of thing that was borrowed into your life, shoved down your throat because it wasn't so bad after all. Just like the coffee table you had before. And the kitchen window you always hated. And the kind of lamp that lasted so little but, look, it was chic. So like all things, which seemed to be the biggest provocation that accompanied a 'gift' from a big son of a bitch, or a reminder of how there was a sense of ease in making your life miserable, you enjoyed it.

Something like that. 

You had plans to get rid of each of these things soon, because all in all, the financial part of your life was also complicated. A visit to the bank, a mortgage proposal, expenses for the large yard and the last remnants of your student fund. You looked through apartment websites for sale and just that idea left you incredibly depressed because, on top of everything else, you were a crybaby who lost the comfort of a husband who paid most of the household bills. And not to mention the job, because… damn, the fucking job. It had been days since you closed your eyes and saw Nick, Isla, Emma, ​​Ballard, Mathias; what kind of fucking burnout was that?

So that night, when your heels were swollen and your back was sore, you allowed yourself a few minutes of privilege. Bath salts, then the heat of refreshing water and, among other things you haven't done in a long time, you felt a little sorry for yourself, felt like Emma did you so fucking wrong and you needed to be put in a victim’s place for a while. 

Connors had posted a photo with the guys on Instagram – you saw it by chance, one hand resting your head on the edge of the bathtub and the other scrolling through your phone. ‘bday party w/ the fella 🔥🔥🔥’, with Benny below his arm in what looked like a half drunk pose, in what also looked like a strip club in the background. You stared at it for a moment. Then another. Then another. There were easy smiles, joyfulness, even happiness; like it was just a standard day, as if the world was okay as soon as the first beer landed on their tables. 

There was never a question with them, a doubt. It was as if, arbitrarily, the main characteristic of a cop wasn’t useful for them to become the ideal professionals that everyone thought they were. There is no need for moral duty, responsibility and care, as proof that the world, in itself, was also not moral, responsible and careful. 

That was it. It was this pain, this itch, that disturbed you, because you knew that no questions were directed at Theodore when things ended. He, above the law, with money in his pocket and a successful career ahead of him, didn’t receive any dirty looks for having cheated on his own wife, who in turn would, in fact, receive condescending comments, pats on the shoulder of comfort and an unfair response from a boss, who attributed your problems to the great evil of having lost an idiot husband. That was what you always hated the most. 

Before you could put down the device, the screen changed theme: Benny was calling. It wasn't a text, it was a call. 

You hesitated before answering.

“... Yes?”

“Hey,” The other end of the line was clear, even if you presumed he was still in the club with the guys. “You busy?”

“Mm-hm,” You frowned. “Something happened?” 

“No.”

“... Ah.”

“Just wanted to check on you. You probably think that I’m a jerk right now.”

You lifted your torso and sat in the bathtub, more confused than you expected. For a beat you didn’t say anything. 

“You do.”

“No! No, I… I don’t think… anything. Why do you think that?” But he didn’t need to answer because you knew. “If that’s because we’re not doing anything, there’s no hard feelings. We’re just having fun, right?”

Benny sighed. 

“Yeah, we were.”

“So you don’t need to explain yourself.”

And before you could stop yourself, you added something else that made your eyes close in regret. 

“Things are kinda crazy right now.” 

You didn't want to go back to the atmosphere of that lunch. It wasn't your fault or his, but it was as if there was an external interference, a weight of your different ideals, even if they weren't in question at that moment. That's why you had convinced yourself to give it a chance, to go out with him in the first place: because it wasn't work. And suddenly you were stupid and brought it up as soon as he got in touch after so long.

“How’s Gina?” He decided to ask, which made you squirm in discomfort. 

“She’s fine,” You conceded. “Nick?”

“He’s good.”

Another pause. 

“... Well, I’m certain that you don’t want to talk about it.”

“I don’t, you’re right.”

“Yeah,” You let out a low embarrassed giggle, biting your bottom lip. “Neither do I.”

Another pause. You couldn’t hear a thing for the other side and, for a long stretched moment, it felt like you two were measuring each other’s breaths. 

“I didn't know it was Connors' birthday,” Which worked. Benny sighed in defeat, but it was better to talk about Murph’s ideas of parties than anything else. 

That was how fucked up the whole situation was. 

“We kinda did something. He always makes a big deal of that stuff.”

“You don’t?” 

“Nah, I’m old. Pushing closer to my 50s already. Whoever said middle age life for men it’s their peak, but that’s bullshit.” 

“If you were Telly Savalas, perhaps,” The teasing didn’t go unnoticed by him, who scoffed a laugh. It made you smile too. “So your party ended early.” 

“Couldn’t stay long there. My sister made up dinner because one of my nieces is going to college. Right now I’m sleeping in my old bathroom at my mom’s house.” 

“What, Benny Magalon still fits in his childhood bed?” 

“You know me enough to know how well I fit.”

Deep down, you realized that he didn't say that in a charming way to induce you into some kind of phone sex or something like that. He sounded a little indifferent, actually, and even lazy, as if that was what he should tell you because of the circumstances. You felt a certain relief when you noticed the tone in his voice, because you didn't feel up to it that day.

He moved on the other side, just like you.

“Are you gonna ask what I am wearing?” You teased with a small smile. 

“You’re naked. I heard the sound of water, so you’re in a bathtub.” 

“Aren’t you a smart detective.”

“Now who’s the one being a charmer,” He said.

“If I was, I would ask what you’re wearing.”

“I’m wearing sleep shorts.”

“Mm.”

“With no underwear.”

“Ooh, how sexy.” 

“Right.”

You two shared a quiet, peaceful laugh. You leaned back in the bathtub and rested your head on the edge of it, staring at the ceiling as you heard him moving again on the other side.

There was a hint of subtext, as if you wanted to say something and so did he, but no one knew how because it wasn't something as casual as a sexual joke or small talk. He called, after all, and if this was a failed attempt to 'relax', he had already made it clear that he wasn't very interested either. What was it, anyway? Should you bring up the subject of Isla? Should you two keep talking about this?

“Enjoy that bathtub for me,” Like a goodbye, voice and mind probably in another place. 

“I hate this fucking thing.”

“Enjoy it anyway. God knows it can give us a break. We all need it.”

“Yeah… Tell Connors I said happy birthday.” 

“Will not.”

You rolled your eyes and scoffed. 

“Good night, Benny.”

“Good night, gatita.” 

You abandoned the phone at the closed toilet seat as soon as the line was off, but you kept looking at the device for a while, as if waiting for something to happen or just expecting that sensation of unsaid things to go away. It shouldn’t hit you this hard – shouldn’t make you feel like things were simply falling apart. 

You just wanted to be sure for once that things wouldn’t be so difficult all the time. 

****

The first sip of coffee was distracted. When the taste hit your tongue, you immediately grimaced and threw the drink back into the cup, staring at the totally undrinkable dark thing.

Great. No good coffee as well. 

You wiped the corners of your mouth with your fingers and left the cup on the table, a little unsure whether you should throw it away or not. After little consideration, you just threw it in the trash can, massaging your eyes with the heels of your hands before taking a long breath. 

The break room was naturally busy in the morning, with people on double shifts and those who were arriving, like you, in and out of the tiredness of the end of the day with the beginning of another. Everyone was chatting amongst themselves, exchanging details about cases they were working on or the new bar that had opened nearby, so it was a bit strange that as soon as you rolled your shoulders to ease the tension, everyone turned their attention to a Lennon out of breath who entered the room with an urgent voice.

“Did you know?” That's all he said, then turning on the TV and stopping in the middle of the tables to watch it. You, who were further in front and close to the coffee machine, had to lift your head a little more to understand what was happening.

“Recognized for the successful work carried out on the Merrimen case, Los Angeles County Major Crimes, coincidentally on the day of the closure of one of the most intense operations carried out in the city and credited in its name, hands over the most recent drug trafficking case to the Drug Enforcement Administration, the DEA…” 

You could hear some gasps from your colleagues, murmurs and then shushings, so that they remained quiet and could listen carefully to what was there as if it wasn't obvious. After that, you just stared at the screen in disbelief, your brow furrowed and your hands outstretched at your sides. When they cut to the scene of the press conference in the building's press room, which appeared to have taken place not long before you arrived, you could only see Nick standing next to the sheriff, Walsh's team, and Mathias himself at the lectern making the announcement. 

Mathias's voice was a background sound, almost like an irritating noise in the silence of that room that seemed palpable. No commotion, no direct press releases, just a 'peaceful transition' (Walsh's words) to 'a more prepared and complete team' (also Walsh’s words), which indirectly could mean more than cutting spending by the County government but rather a nudge coward of someone who didn't have the balls to chest someone basically… male.

You felt a little bad about that. 

But, heavens, everyone thought that. And when Gina, of all those present, said mid Walsh's phony speech right after he highlighted the inefficiency of the forensic team (a part you only realized when he used the terms 'difficulty communicating with experts' and 'inadequacy expert with the magnitude of the case'), you blinked and saw her standing for herself, arms crossed and ready to fight.

“Nick does that fucking shit and we get the blame,” She said to the TV. 

Then you got hit by a huge wave of realization. Of Emma, of Benny, of the ‘codes’ they were using to talk with you, the alerts. You didn't imagine this had been shared with Gina, or with anyone else, but it sounded so premeditated that you felt a shiver of distrust.

No one there got caught up in it because they didn't have time, but everyone recognized the mechanisms and adapted to them. Neither you nor Gina whined much when the sheriff organized annual running competitions and didn't stay to reward the winning women; from what little you knew of Henderson, you didn't see him complaining, for example, about the fact that Nick always put him in for questioning black suspects, tapping him twice on the shoulder and saying 'you know what to do', but heavy in a condescending tone. Hell, you always saw the same ridiculous type of episode happening with Lennon as well. 

Taken back to reality by the commotion bubbling between your colleagues, you noticed Emma standing in the doorway as if she had sneakily appeared to observe the reactions and the two of you exchanged very tense silent looks. She didn’t look defeated, but averted your gaze as soon as it became just a staring contest. 

You turned to the TV – to the takes of Nick and the guys during the Merrimen case, then at their faces during the press conference. 

Huh. 

****

The atmosphere was burial-like, to say the least. You had spent the day in the lab, like a forced routine return, and it was as if no one had the balls to open their mouth and speak verbally about the subject. There were official emails from the DEA requesting evidence that had already been collected, reminders from Emma about other cases you were working on in parallel, one thing or another from Ballard (who didn't know how to create an email conversation and ended up answering each of your responses with a new email). There was a sepulchral silence from Major Crimes, but not the kind that left them untainted in the precinct's dome of recognition and social hierarchy – it was a shameful silence.

If you could bet on a collective concern, perhaps everyone was tense at the idea of ​​having been publicly exposed as incompetent, and if even the best team of detectives in the county had failed, there was no certainty of the stability of the Department's resources. This would not only make the LASD incompetent (or corrupt), but also incomplete.

You have a new text! You looked at the phone screen lazily, already expecting anything else, but when you saw who it really was, you couldn’t help but feel reticent and, at best, surprised.

****

“Is this your bat cave or something?” 

The door to the building's terrace always got stuck, but that was just one of the old or poorly working things in that place. Your comment was more to break the ice, to kill that sour mood after you stumbled to close the thing. You took a few steps closer to O'Brien and the others, the five of them sitting around in concrete boxes. 

“Was that supposed to be funny?” Zapata asked with a scowl, to which made you raise your eyebrows at the animosity.  

“I think so, but if you're offended I think I'm on the right track.” 

“You really are a bitch.”

“Tony-” Benny intervened. 

“Yo, there’s no need to-” Connors said.

“Yeah, Zapata, watch your fucking mouth,” Biting back wasn’t exactly the best idea, because you knew the spirits were agitated, but it was obvious that the context didn’t allow for that type of behavior against you. Everyone there knew that that reaction was the remnant of misdirected anger. 

You two shared a silent glare. Tony considered your face for a moment and you did the same; when Magalon pushed him to avert the attention, Zapata waved him off and walked away – you and Benny shared a small glance, one he soon ended to look at Nick, who watched the scene while lighting a cigarette. 

“We done?” He asked. 

“Don’t know, Nick, are we?” You sighed in defeat, sitting on a concrete support and looking anywhere but him. “You said it was important.”

“It is.”

“Is it about the case?”

“He used Isla. We think it had some internal interference.”

And so, being a somewhat literate person in the context of dealing with cops, you could see the pattern and tone of the conversation that had just begun: it was almost an interrogation. Everyone there, kind of around him, looking for the person who would go to the guillotine. It took a while, between the silence that followed, the way everyone (except Benny) was staring at you and Zapata's reaction so spontaneously explosive, but when you lifted your head and looked at that scene, connecting the dots, you frowned and felt truly offended. 

“Wow.”

“We need to be sure.”

“And it would be me for… what, exactly?” He didn’t answer, which made you scoff and giggle in disbelief. “Look, I know my friend wouldn't do that, but as any normal person you could ask Gina that, right?” 

“We did,” Henderson said. “We investigated and there was nothing.” 

“That means you investigated me as well?” 

You felt a pang of frustration greater than the outrage you were feeling. And despite the secret behind you and Benny, who shook his head, it was on him that you closed your eyes for a moment before looking back at Nick, who had his eyes downcast, scratching at the ground while blowing smoke from his mouth.

“You are all a bunch of fuckers.”

“You reacted to Isla,” O’Brien argued with a monotonous tone. “And you said I would be fucked if I messed with you again.”

“Because I’m a human being, Nick, the fuck.” 

No one said a word. There was this soft breeze flowing around, given the time of the year and the area where you were, one that you noticed that made their hairs flow and you shiver a little. If you paid close attention, you would see frustration and rage and that regular disappointment of a kid when they have lost a toy they like or are denied a candy. The loss, whatever it was, hurt for them but not for professional reasons but for honor. A very uncompensated and arbitrary honor, but an honor nonetheless. And it was always easier to blame someone else. You knew it was easy to make a calculation that would work for you because there would always be the feeling that you were impulsive, stubborn, even cruel – because men hurt you, because you still resent things in your personal life.

“I think it's common sense that almost no one here likes you very much,” You said in a low tone. “And we can agree that ethics and professionalism aren’t exactly the main pillars of what you do.”

Nobody said anything, because you were right. It was actually impressive that you managed to maintain a calm, almost soothing tone right after being basically accused of something so serious. Deep down, you felt that, at least, Nick didn't put much faith in this hypothesis, that this was a demonstration of power in front of others because his hands were tied and this was truly new to him. 

And you didn't ask what the plan was, what they were going to do next. You didn't care about that. No one needed to cry because they lost the case, it was obvious that it wasn't the first time this had happened – it certainly wasn't the last either.

Nick puffed some smoke out of his chest, eyeing you for a moment. Then, with a ‘tsk’, he huffed and crouched down, elbows resting on his eyes, making eye contact. 

“Someone reported the investigation to the Embassy. Walsh had us up against the wall as soon as you mentioned the fucking case in Long Beach because the bastard found out about her and me. I was exposed. I'm testing my options here and one of them includes the fact that you curiously knew that they were the same specifications in both cases,” He said. “Gina just found that out and spit to the whole fucking world to know. She’s not that dumb to risk herself to do so.”

“Yeah, but I am, because apparently it didn't occur to you that I was just good at my damn job. The fact that I knew about the pics was just a question of someone giving me a fucking clue?” You raised your eyebrows. “I got my degree and my master's at the same time, you son of a bitch. I don't need to suck anyone's balls to know how to do my job.” 

You two looked at each other. Nick was clenching his jaw, holding words in his mouth and turning them around enough so they could come back in a dry swallow. When he looked away first, blinking a few times, it was the first time you really saw genuine frustration, a moment of weakness that maybe, one day, Debbie had seen, or that the co-workers who were around him at the moment also witnessed in a rare way. 

Your brow was furrowed and you were truly confused and mad by this gap. Looking around, above O'Brien's head, you saw Zapata looking at the city below him with an annoyed look, his back to the two of you; Murph kept his hands in his hoodie pockets, Henderson had his arms crossed. Benny watched you, then looked at the ground, shaking his head. 

No, this wasn't about you, nor was it your fault – of course it wasn’t. In that context, you were just a part of the realization of something you hadn't touched until you saw every defeated feature on that rooftop. 

“... Are you sure?” You asked, blinking a few times with a shaky voice. 

Nick shook his head. 

“And you expect me to do something about it?”

“No,” He said with a firm tone, getting up on his feet. “No one here is sure. I figured you knew something since-”

“Since you thought I had something to do with it, yeah, I noticed,” It was directed to Tony, who just tsked and averted his gaze again. 

When everyone kept quiet, not daring to admit their mistake or even apologize, you were the one getting up, still not sure how to react and uncertain of how to end that conversation. 

“Never do that to me again, don’t-” You collected your voice, clearing your throat. “I never considered myself such a good person, but next to you I'm a fucking saint. I put up with a lot of shit from Walsh and Emma because of you, so shut the hell up before you dare think I'd change sides. If there is any side to this shit.” 

“I needed to be sure.”

“I hope you had all the answers you needed,” There was harshness in your tone, almost a fury. And surprisingly, he didn’t answer that equally. “And yeah, I’ll be honest, okay? You were a coward. I don’t like you. Go eat shit.” 

“It’s easy to say that after you put Benny in the middle of whatever it is you have with Walsh.”

“Listen now-”

“Excuse me?” You frowned, not even letting Magalon finish the interruption he was doing while getting closer. “I didn't ask anyone here to defend me! If this fucking case went wrong, try to consider your incompetence or the fact that no one asked you to fuck a suspect.”

When he kept quiet again, you scoffed, shaking your head. 

“It’s so easy, isn’t it? Walk around like you rule every place, do whatever the fuck you want, put the blame on everyone to feel better… Gina was right. You’re just like Walsh. Just like him.”

You nodded. 

“You always had all the tricks in hand and let a widowed single mother almost get killed by a gang. Curious of you to think anyone is responsible but you.” 

Turning your back, you walked away from him, already opening the door to leave the rooftop. Before you could, though, you eyed him one more time. 

“Whatever your plan is, when and if they ask me, I'll be sincere. About you and about her. Because I can do that.” 

“You would never say anything against Emma.”

The mention of her name, like an answer to your question, made you flex your fingers in anger. 

“... And I don't blame you for not believing that. It’s clear that it's been a while since you've been able to understand honesty.”

****

“You called her a bitch.”

Hearing Benny's voice break the silence was strange, so everyone was confused before understanding what he was saying. When they did, he saw Zapata shift uncomfortably on the couch, looking at the coffee table.

“I didn't think straight at the moment.”

“It seems like no one here has done that.”

“You want to say something?” Nick pressed with a rough tone, as if ready to snap at the detective right away. Benny measured him, shrugged. 

“I told you it was a bad idea. With Isla and with her.”

“We needed to get around it all, test possibilities. This shit is going to get ugly soon.”

“And you pushed away one of the few people who could keep us from getting screwed over too.” 

When they exchanged glances after Benny's response, there was a silent consensus that the disagreements were slowly getting bigger, something that had been surrounding the group long before you showed up or the case.

Everyone continued smoking in silence and the tense atmosphere didn’t dissipate. Things weren't going well.

****

You knew what you were getting into when you started your career there – you always did. Your parents looked at you the wrong way at first, Theodore always treated it as a temporary thing, and your friends always told you that a lab somewhere was great, or a university could be perfect for anyone who wanted to invest in the academic field, or a friend's company in private sector needed a professional who had the same qualifications as you. 

Still, you resisted the comments in the same way that someone resists some kind of temptation: you laughed, you chatted away and no one brought it up again. You didn't consider those things because you liked the stability that a government job gave you, and people just couldn't understand that.

It was the first time you really considered it. You have recapitulated occasions, measured the possibilities; maybe LASD was no longer the most stable place in the world to be, nor the safest.

The marijuana stash (that's what your brother called it) was in the drawer next to the bed. When you were with Theodore, he also used it, although he didn't really like it because he had headaches, so it was a common thing in the house. You were on your third or fourth drink, eyeing the files and releasing smoke into the air. There was no music, just the low light in the room and the brightness of Kojak's aquarium, so sometimes you needed to squint to see small letters of your own handwriting.

You revisited the case, reviewed your notes and copies of the evidence. Whether it was the effect of the marijuana drink, or your paranoid conscience, you wanted to know if at any point you missed something that indicated a failure in your judgment, if Nick was right or if you ended up taking the whole case down with Isla. 

Someone had been trying to call for half an hour, but you didn't answer –it must have been someone from work, because if it had been a family member they would already be knocking on the door. You didn't even look in the direction of the phone; the vibrations started to bother you but not distract you.

Before you could put the cigarette back in your mouth, someone knocked on the door. The doorbell had stopped working a while ago and that was one of the things that had to be fixed before you could sell that fucking house. 

“Who’s it?” You asked in a high voice, not moving from your spot. 

No one answered. That made you frown, then finally snap your eyes in the door’s direction. You waited. Seconds later, your phone had gone off. 

“... Hello?” 

“It’s me. Lemme in?”

Everything was screaming for you to say no, to hang up and leave him waiting outside until he gave up and disappeared. It would be very convenient for him to be there, ready to convince you of something, to be more malleable; it made sense. He could still be trying to take something out of you, as far as you knew. Still, you were a little out of orbit from the weed, slightly sluggish and relaxed, so you calmly got up, abandoned the files where they were spread on the coffee table and walked over, opening it but not waiting too long to see him enter before turning around again. 

You took slow steps into the room. There was the sound of the door closing, then being locked, and then his footsteps coming behind, but keeping his distance. 

“Weed?” He asked. 

“Are you going to arrest me?”

“I could,” That answer made you snort. “But it’s Cali. And you’re literally my teenage wet dream right now, so I can let it pass.”

Teasing or not, you looked at yourself and noticed your clothes (or lack thereof): panties, a long t-shirt. When you turned to him, standing in the middle of the room, Benny was staring at your legs, but he wasn't smiling.

“You're like a broken record, you know that?” You raised your eyebrows, hands on your hips. “All you say is that I'm in your dreams. This is cheesy as fuck.” 

“You didn't complain about that when you were riding me.”

“Oh, so this is my fault?”

“Well, you’re being quite hypocritical.”

“Fuck off.”

“Stop it.”

“What do you want?”

“You didn't answer my calls.”

“That doesn't answer my question, so I guess we're even.”

He was tense, stressed. You could tell. Benny wouldn't talk to you like that if he wasn't angry about something, maybe even frustrated because you weren't 'clear-headed' to talk at all. 

For a few seconds, he considered you while licking his lips, as if the gears were turning in his head. Yours was also moving, but more gradually, slowly, which left you a little unresponsive when you saw him take off his jacket.

“This must be good, you didn't even hear me.”

“Mm?” You blinked, taking in the sight of his forearms while he lifted his shirt sleeves. That made him crack a giggle. 

“Can I have some?” 

Oh. Oh. The weed. He was already walking closer to the coffee table to grab the joint between two fingers, eyes swiping over the papers, so you watched in awe as he put the cig on his lips and took a long drag, eyeing the burning tip with curiosity. Benny hummed and nodded while puffing the smoke.

“Shit’s really good. How did you get it?” 

“... My brother,” And before he could take another drag, you picked the joint from his hands. “Smoke, hold and pass. That's the rule.” 

“Are we in college or somethin’?”

“Shut up and sit down.”

That's what you two did – him on the couch, you on the carpet in front of him. You took another drag, handed over the cigarette and he brushed his hands on your shoulders before grunting, probably leaning back on the cushions. 

****

It was a very silent few minutes, almost making you forget that Benny was there. When the effect of marijuana hit him, he was already lying on the sofa, without his shoes or his top shirt, limiting himself to showing his arms in a white tank top. This gave you a period of lucidity, very brief, and soon there was no more marijuana to smoke, despite the joint not being finished.

All your caution was being thrown out the window, you knew, but it wasn't like it was going to make any difference. 

“Hey,” You called him in a low tone. 

“Mm?”

“Can I ask you something?”

Benny stayed quiet for a moment or two, as if gathering his thoughts, then you listened to him squirming on the couch, getting on his side to look at you even if you still had your back at him. Sensing that he was waiting for you to give him the same attention, you adjusted yourself and stared at him. 

“Shoot it.”

“What happened with Walsh wasn’t on purpose.”

Silence. For a beat, you even thought that he didn’t hear you, given the fact he was already zoning out a little. You started to feel embarrassed, weird. Well, you were high, which could lead to a version of you who would babble about a lot of nonsense and shit, but that was something that came from your lucid mind, probably a thing you wouldn’t say so softly without the weed. 

“It wasn’t a question,” He teased in a calm voice, smiling at you. 

“... I know,” You smiled back, but it turned into a bunch of stupid giggling. 

It cooled down soon. 

“I didn’t see it this way, you know. Walsh is a stupid motherfucker,” He said after a while.

“Jackass.”

“Dickhead.”

“Yeah… His head looks like a dick. An ugly one.”

“And there’s any pretty dicks somewhere?”

“Just as there’s pretty pussies.” 

“Have you ever seen others?”

You looked at each other, a small smile playing on your lips. When realization started to slowly creep on him, he opened his mouth in shock. 

“It was in college-”

“Always in college,” He rolled his eyes, grinning like an idiot. 

“I had this friend, Kennedy. We were roommates, I was single at the time, you know… It happened. But now we’re just good friends.”

“Mm.”

“I’m serious!” You laughed. 

“So you’re telling me that if this Kennedy comes up here tonight, ask to go down on you or whatever, you would say no?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Fuck, I would. I’m not cold blooded, gatita.”

A series of laughs filled the living room again. 

“We’re going out of the question here, yeah? Having a serious conversation.”

“You were the one talking about dicks here!”

“Because you called Walsh a dickhead!”

“Okay,” He sighed, adjusting his body to lean over his arm and have a better look at you. Little by little, Benny started to frown, as if thinking hard on something. You would be lying if you said it wasn’t a beautiful sight. 

“So?” 

“I know you didn’t do it on purpose,” His voice was soft, calm, even if a little concerned. “Plus, you had just signed a divorce and Walsh was there talking about it, humiliating you. That wasn't right.” 

You considered his words calmly, blinking heavily but still paying attention. 

“Nick wasn’t in his right mind when he said that.”

“You think?”

“Mm-hm. You shouldn’t worry about it,” And you knew he was talking about the files spread behind you, so you felt a wave of embarrassment. 

“...You’re not just saying that, are you?” The question was serious, probably the first serious thing you said since he came to your house out of nowhere. 

“Why would I do that?”

“Because you’re with them. Like… you know. With them.”

Benny nodded, taking in your words carefully. 

“Fair enough.” 

But he didn’t push the topic, nor tried to apologize or something. He let you have your doubts, probably because he himself couldn’t help but agree that maybe, if it was the other way around, there would be uncertainty on his part as well. You sighed, then, turning your eyes to the carpet and poking it every now and then, as if looking for something on it with false concentration.

“Hey.”

“Mm?”

“Come here.”

“What?”

“‘Wanna feel you,” He almost whined, sitting up and pulling you by the fabric of your shirt. 

“That’s why you came? To feel me?”

“Are you fucking mocking me, woman?”

“I am,” You got on your knees carefully, smirking at him lazily. “Looked like you just waited for the best opportunity to come back here and fuck me.” 

“But I don’t wanna fuck you, I wanna feel you.”

“What’s the difference?” 

The position you stayed couldn’t be more convenient: him, starting to sit as well, legs spread while you rose on your knees, ready to get up. It gave him some time to stare at you with a lazy grin. 

“Saying I wanna fuck would imply that I just came here for it,” He explained. “Feeling you could lead to sex, but with some warm up.”

“All the times we had sex had some warm up,” You argued, hands gripping his thighs lightly. 

“And it was so good, wasn’t it?” Benny asked when you rose just a little to get closer to his face. 

You observed his face for a moment before raising up to peck his lips lightly. When he just sighed, melting into it, you smiled and gave him another kiss, this time a little longer, wetter – enough to, when you part ways, it made a muah. The fabric of your shirt was worn out, old enough to make it more thin and give you a better feel when you gently brushed your chest on his. It made you sigh against his lips, doing it again when he groaned a little, unable to move a muscle but reacting in slow breaths. 

Both of you, silly high adults, brushing your noses, kissing soundly and ready to fuck each other’s brains out as if the world wasn’t basically on fire. 

“I didn’t come here for this, tho.”

This made you move your face, just a little, and the look on your eyes scrunched up in confusion. It felt like a spontaneous burst of lucidity, almost like a punch, and when he turned his face to the side, rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands, you felt brutally rejected. You moved your hands away from his legs. Suddenly, the carpet was hurting your knees and you stood up, muttering a 'sorry' as you sat on the edge of the sofa, a little away from him. 

“Did you come to defend Nick or something?” 

“This has nothing to do with Nick.”

“So why are you here? To tease about us fuck and not doing a thing about it?”

He considered your face for a moment, still taking in the effects of the weed – even if you both started to feel more buzzed then properly high. 

“You don't want to go to war with him.”

“Oh,” You raised your eyebrows, scoffing a sarcastic giggle. “So you came to be a gentleman and defend me from the evils of disagreeing with Nicholas O'Brien? I thought you made it clear that you didn't have much chivalry in your personality.”  

“I don’t.”

“Mm.”

“But that has nothing to do with chivalry. You’re not being rational.”

“About…?” 

Benny sighed.

“We both know it was Emma.” 

“That shit again…” You groaned, getting up brusquely from your seat and wobbling a little before starting to walk away to the kitchen. 

“What happened was-”

“A mistake. A fucking mistake.” 

When you turned, Benny was up too, standing a few feet closer to the kitchen entrance with his arms hanging loosely on his sides. The lack of answer made you shake your head, grabbing a glass bottle of water from the fridge and drinking a good amount. 

That made everything silent. With both hands on the kitchen’s sink, you closed your eyes and collected your thoughts. 

“I'm not naive to think she couldn't have been involved in this, but I'm not naive or stupid to absolve Nick of the shit he should be responsible for,” You glared at him, noticing his dry lips, the way he just blinked at you with a stern expression. With a tsk, you caught hold of a cup in the sink for him and poured some water in it, not daring to give, but letting it rest closer. 

He came, grabbed the cup. 

You could feel the effects of the marijuana, which were already weaker before, start to leave your system. You were sick, you made a face, but you swallowed your discomfort with more water. 

“I'm not Isla.”

It slipped out of your mouth like a slim and unstable thought, one that made him just nod, sipping on the water calmly while leaning on the sink beside you, eyeing the other side of the room. 

“Didn’t think you were.” 

“No?”

“Nn-nn.”

“So you didn’t investigate me?” 

You knew you had him cornered the moment you said it, but Benny didn't show any anger. He stayed quiet, sipped the rest of the water and stood in front of you, face to face, in such a firm way that you almost backed away if you weren't so irritated.

“If I were as much of a son of a bitch as you think I am, I would have let you finish what you started on that couch,” That made you avert your gaze, but he gently pushed your chin, bringing you to eye his face again. “I'm not Nick. Despite my inclinations, I didn’t ask you out in the first place to investigate you.”

“Right, so it was another thing you said was a bad idea to Nick?” 

“Yes, it was.” 

“Bullshit,” You scoffed, taking a step back. “So you’re that good of a person to get along with Nick’s shit and still be his moral compass? Gimme a break, Benny, I’m not that naive.”

Before he could answer, you kept going. 

“She's just a bargaining chip. She always was. And despite our visibly very different lives, I know what it's like to be used and then discarded as if you’re nothing, as if every promise was nothing more than a lie to achieve something very personal, something that never had to do with you,” You said. “I don't want you to come here and expect me to point fingers or accuse people. If it was Emma, ​​if it was Walsh, it doesn't make any difference if the person primarily responsible for this doesn't take the real blame.” 

“You know the world isn’t a fairytale, don't you?”

“I do! And Isla knows it too, better than anyone! This has nothing to do with an imaginary, but with commitment! When was the last time Nick used his badge for anything other than taking it out of his pocket while a whore gave him a blowjob?”

Nothing. Just silence. For a long, perceptive, heavy moment: silence. 

Benny shook his head in disbelief. 

“Emma received a letter of recommendation from the DEA forensic department,” He said in a low tone, catching you completely by surprise. That felt like a test, the way he observed your reaction with care, looking for an answer. When he found it, Benny nodded. “That's why I came here.”

“... What? I don’t understand.”

“I can't remember the last time I had five minutes of conversation with someone who had nothing to do with this shit. It takes me time to believe just as much as it does to you to know I tried to give him some sense, so if I’m here it's because I know you’re not involved and you need to know there’s people around you doing shit.” 

You could barely process the information, what that implied, because you had every right to disbelieve and have your doubts. There was a suspicious look on your face, he knew that because you didn't hide it, but he didn't take offense this time.

“Just stay away. Things are going to get fucked up,” He was definitive. “God knows I’ll have to be away as well.” 

****

No pressure tags:

@cheesybadgers  

@thesandbeneathmytoes ​

@nerdyreaderpapi

@thoroughlymodernminutia

@mysoulisasunflower

@seaweeden

@eclecticfashionbookszipper

@servenas-inner-fangirl

[nervoussagittarius]

i know it’s crazy but he’s the one i want

matt sturniolo x reader

summary: part two of strike out. after months of being apart y/n realizes she wants nothing more then to be with matt, and matt realizes how much he fucked up. part one

warnings: angst to smut. oral (fem receiving), p in v, no protection, matchmakers nick and chris

they slammed the door on

my whole world

the one thing i wanted

your world felt like it was turned completely upside down the minute you locked your front door on matt.

you wanted to run after him. you wanted to forgive him for everything, but something in you was telling you to hold back, to stay strong. you weren’t even sure if you knew the matt that stood with you 10 minutes ago. after a month of no contact there’s so much that could’ve changed. you definitely had changed. one one thing that stayed the same though was that you still couldn’t go more the an hour without thinking of matthew sturniolo.

matt blew up your phone that whole night. it took everything in you not to drive over to his house. you were a mess and he didn’t need to see you like that. you were supposed to be strong. you were the one who told him to leave after all.

a few more days past before you got a couple texts and a call from chris. you hesitantly answered. you hated to admit it but you missed him and nick. you missed matt too but you weren’t ready to admit that one out loud yet. “hello?” you answered. there was a beat of silence before you heard a sigh of relief from the other line. “hey y/n it’s chris. listen, i know you haven’t wanted to talk to us, and i understand, but nick and i need your help.” he sounded so stressed that you couldn’t help but worry about the pair. he didn’t give you time to respond before he continued his thought. “i know you don’t want to be with matt anymore, but he hasn’t left his room in almost a week. nick and i completely understand why you did what you did. matt told us what happened.. but he locked himself in and we don’t know what to do.” you teared up at the thought of matt being alone. yeah he enjoyed being by himself sometimes, but never to this extent. you couldn’t help but feel guilt for the way things went down. at the end of the day you were both in the wrong, and you desperately wanted to make things right.

“please just come talk to him. come see him. we tried to wait as long as we could to call you but it’s time. we have your back but he’s still our brother, and we don’t want to see him like this. nick and i really miss you. matt misses you” you didn’t confirm or deny if you would really show up. you wanted to talk to him. as much as he hurt you he didn’t deserve to feel how you have felt for months. you knew how shitty it was. “i miss you guys too.” and with that you ended the call. you didn’t need to specify who you were referring too. chris knew that you meant all three of them, and he hoped that you would come help his brother.

no i’m not coming to my senses

i know it’s crazy but he’s

the one i want

it took you almost two hours to work up the courage to go to the triplets house. you got in and out of your car 3 different times before you convinced yourself to finally turn it on and start driving. the directions were muscle memory at this point. having spent the last two years driving the same streets at least once a day, you weren’t a stranger to the street signs and the traffic. although it was almost 1 in the morning you had no worries about if the boys were awake or not. they always were at this time.

you felt weird pulling into their driveway. a spot that was once reserved for you now felt like a curse. it felt like you’d end up with three slashed tires if you parked there so you opted for parking in the street two houses down. this way if you chickened out before you made it to the door they’d never know.

you didn’t though. you couldn’t because the minute you stepped foot onto their doorstep nick threw open the door. no words were exchanged between the two of you. he instantly pulled you into a hug. you both needed it after the month and a half you just had. “i’m so glad you’re here” all you could do is hold him tighter in response. tears filled your eyes as chris made his way down the front steps to you both. he took his turn pulling you into a hug as well. when you broke apart he ran a soothing hand up and down your arm and let you walk to the living room.

the three of you sat on the couch together and you pulled your legs up into you. single tears streamed down your face every once and a while as you waited for someone to talk. “he doesn’t know you’re here,” nick started. “we didn’t want to tell him and freak him out.” “oh so he’s not allowed to be freaked out so i have to be. got it” you regretted it as soon as you got the sentence out. “sorry. fuck i’m sorry guys. i really just- i don’t know what i’m doing here.” you ran a hand through your hair nervously.

“it’s okay y/n/n we get it. we really just think you guys should talk.” chris said patting your knee. “yeah, we don’t want to pressure you but we think it will help both of you get some closure. so you sit here. we’re going to go out for a little bit, give you some space. if you decide you want to leave then please do so, but we won’t be upset if you’re here when we get back.” they gave you soft smiles as they made their way out of the house leaving you with your thoughts.

once you got the tears to stop, you knew that if you didn’t get off the couch now you would never make it to matt’s room. you were hesitant to knock. you didn’t hear anything in the otherside of the door. you were almost hoping he was asleep so you could go home and forget this ever happened.

as you began to raise your hand the door slowly opened. matt’s head was hung low looking at his phone. your lips parted slightly in shock. he quickly looked up when he noticed someone was standing there. “i- sorr- i um- i have to go.” you barely got out. as you tried turning so you could walk in the other room. “y/n?” matt was in shock and confused. you were the last person he expected to see. he just wanted to run over and hug you, but he kept his restraint. you rushed over to the couch looking for your keys. “i’m sorry i shouldn’t have come. chris and nick called me and i was worried about you but i really shouldn’t be here.” when you got nervous you just talked fast. your mouth couldn’t keep up with all the thoughts running through your head.

matt hadn’t moved from his doorway. he was frozen watching you pace the living room. when he finally came to his senses he spoke up to stop you. “wait please stop. please. i want to talk to you.” matt rushed over to you and grabbed your hand trying to get you to look at him. he fully expected you to pull away, but his confidence slightly boosted when you didn’t.

“please.” he repeated. “please come sit with me.” his words were soft and nervous. you nodded looking up at him. he walked you over to his room hand in hand. matt gestured for you to sit in his bed as he sat across from you. you decided to talk first. you just wanted to know he was okay. “um. your brothers asked me to come talk to you. they said you hadn’t left your room, and i know i shouldn’t be, because of the way we ended things, but i was really worried about you, matt. i don’t want you to be upset. i know i was really mean and i’m so sorry-” “no. please do not apologize.” he reached over to hold your hands. “i deserved everything you said to me. you were right. please look at me, sweetheart. i have been a mess because i feel so shitty about the way i treated you. and i couldn’t look at chris and nick because they lost you too. i feel so fucking bad.”

“i know you do, baby. i want to forgive you i really do, but i can’t go back to the way things were.” both of you had tears running down your faces. you just wanted to hold each other and forget everything. “i promise i can be better. i promise that i can do better. you deserve better then i’ve ever treated you and i will work my ass off everyday to prove that to you.” you moved closer to matt as you held his face and used the pads of your thumbs to wipe his tears. you leaned your forehead against his as you sat there debating what to say. “i know you will, matt. i believe you.” “do you really?” he couldn’t believe what he was hearing. he wanted nothing more then to kiss you but he couldn’t push your boundaries. “i do, baby. i’m so in love with you. i don’t know how i’ve spent this long without you.” you said slightly leaning in to matt.

both of you flicked your eyes between your lips and back to each others eyes. “i love you too.” matt said. “can i please kiss you?” he asked nervously. you guys had kissed millions of times before but something was different this time. you guys felt closer. “please, matt. you can do anything to me.” and with that your lips instantly connected. you two melted into eachother as the kiss deepened. he quickly swiped his tongue against your bottom lip asking for entrance which you accepted. “let me show you how sorry i am?” “please.”

he was chaos, he was revelry

bedroom eyes look like a remedy

matt gently pushed your back down onto his mattress. he took his lips off of yours as he pecked his way down your neck. your hands traveled down his chest as you pulled on the edge of his shirt. he took notice to this and hastily removed the piec rod fabric. he sent you pleading eyes as you nodded at him to take yours off as well. he took your bra off with it and trailed his hand down your arm to intertwine your fingers. your unoccupied hand went to matt’s hair as he placced soft kissed to your boobs. he’s movements become desperate as he attached his lips to my nipple as he gently sucked.

soft pants came out of your mouth as you pushed matt’s head lower towards where you were craving him most. he tilted his head up at you with a smug grin. “yeah baby, is that what you want?” he smirked at you as he shimmied your legs out of your pants and threw them to the corner of his room. he traveled down lower as he started to spread your legs letting him lay between them. he breath met your clit and he turned his head to bite the inside of your thigh.

“tell me what you need, sweetheart” “you, matt. i need you to touch me.” you rushed out. you needed to be close to him. you just wanted to feel him. matt pulled your underwear to the side and ran a finger through your slit. his cold hands tips sent goose bumps through your body. you swallowed thickly as he sent one quick lick to your core. he looked at you for a reaction only to get a nod of encouragement from you.

matt hummed while he wrapped one hand around your thigh spreading you farther apart for him. he slowly leaned into you dipping is tongue deeper into your wet folds. matt could feel the blood rushing to his cock due to your small pants and moans. the tight grip on his hair only encouraged him to keep going. you let out a small scream as he slowly began to enter his fingers into you. “fuck matt just like that.” you said as his middle and ring fingers curled up hitting that spongy spot. matt hummed into your cunt as he violently licked your clit.

neither of you had touched yourselves or anyone else in over a month. the pent up frustration made things go a lot faster then either of you expected. matt began rutting his hips softly into his mattress trying to relieve the tension he was feeling. you clenched around his fingers signally your close orgasm. matt’s head came up as his fingers still thrusted into you. “that feel good, baby. you gonna cum for me. come on, sweetheart. cum for me.” matt didn’t let up as your moans got louder if anything it made him to go in with more force. your orgasm came fast and hard. matt continued sucking as you came down from your high. you panted as matt slowly pulled his fingers out of you.

you started to sit up you you could return the favor only to be pushed back down as matt met you in a kiss. “no baby. tonight’s about you. i just want to make you feel good. i want to show you how sorry i am.” you looked at him with puppy dog eyes. “you do make me feel good matt. just let me return the favor.” you were quickly cut off by the sound of matt’s pants being pulled down. he shock his head at you to deny your request and your hand found the waistband of his boxers as you began to pull his cock out.

he was hard and somehow looked bigger then you remembered. matt’s head fell forward when you started stroking him. his arm that he was using to hold himself up almost giving out at the sensation. you ran his cock through your folds wetting him from you arousal and his precum. he took control as he slid into you, giving you a second to adjust, and then bottoming out at the sign of your approval.

you both let out signs as matt started thrusting into you. he ran his hand up and down your side and placed long kisses on your neck. certain to leave at least one hickey. matt was fully immersed in you. “matt please don’t stop. faster..fuck.” matt had every intention on taking his time with you tonight, to really show you how he feels, but he couldn’t turn down the opportunity. “fuck baby.” matt said speeding up. “faster? you want me to fuck you faster hm? tell me how good i’m making you feel baby.” matt kept up his pace as your hands found his back. your nails scratched down his skin leaving red marks in their trail. you threw your head back in pleasure when matt began rubbing your clit in figure eight motions. your noises only got louder but you were so fucked out that matt laughed when you couldn’t form a sentence. “you got it baby. you’re doing to good for me.” matt’s hips slammed into you surely leaving bruises. “tell me how good i’m making you feel. use your words.”

with one hand on your clit and the other brushing hair off of your forehead, matt soon approached his first orgasm of the night. you gasped and tried to catch your breath to say coherent words. “shit- i- god you’re doing so good, mmh. you feel so good. don’t stop. gonna cum.” you quickly reached your second orgasm. “yeah, you gonna cum,” matt taunted as his motions became sloppy. “good girl, cum with me, y/n.”

both of your orgasms built rapidly and didn’t disappoint. your head flew back in pleasure as matt lowly groaned and let out a small whimper. he rode out both of your orgasms and you reached out to out your head in this chest as you became overstimulated. matt slowly pulled out and fell down beside you as he leaned for his shirt to clean you up. “i love you.” you said as you rolled over to place your head in his chest. “i love you most.” he replied giving a kiss to the top of your head.

thinking it can change the

beat of my heart when he touches me

and counteract the chemistry

and undo the destiny

matt and you layed in a comfortable silence as you held each other. no one could ruin this moment for you two. you saw the comments over the months that you had ruined matt or that you’re a whore and you didn’t deserve him. no one knew the real truth. matt and you were made for each other. you didn’t believe in soulmates until matt came around.

you were still in matt’s bed when nick and chris got home that night. sound asleep you two basked in the presence of eachother. matt’s two brothers saw his bedroom door slightly ajar, they made their way over to see what was going on.

with no comment they smiled at each other noticing your states. they were happy to have their favorite couple back.

you ain’t gotta pray for me

me and my wild boy

and all this wild joy

[angelasscribbles]

Savage Love Chapter 35: Some Answers, More Questions

Series: Savage Love

Fandom: The Royal Romance

Pairings: Riley x Liam, Riley x Drake

Word Count: 3,420

Rating: R         

Warnings: Mature themes

My other stuff: Master List.

Drake

Working with Nick to infiltrate the Gladius Company wasn’t my favorite thing. The guy seemed competent enough at his job. It was his background with Riley that I could have lived without.

We were getting ready to meet with his contact in the Liberation Core.

“So, you and Juniper, huh?”

“You mean Riley?” I barely glanced at him as I strapped on my Hardwire vest, it was expensive as hell, but it was the thinnest and lightest body armor money could buy. No one would know I was wearing it.

“Yeah, Riley,” he gave me a look. I knew that look. He was sizing me up, trying to determine what kind of threat I was.

Guess I wanted to know the same, “So, engaged huh?”

“Is that surprising?”

“Kind of,” I glanced up at him then back down as I double-checked the rounds in my Baretta, “She doesn’t do relationships, right? It’s impressive that you made it that far.”

Nick snorted, “So I see you’ve encountered the ice queen side of her.”

I shook my head as I holstered the gun then pulled my shirt on over the vest, “Not how I would characterize her at all.”

“How would you characterize her?”

“Self-reliant, brilliant, brave, driven, talented, passionate,” I laced up my boots as I spoke, “I see fire, not ice.”

“Yeah, until you try to lock her down.”

“That what went wrong between you? You tried to ‘lock her down’?”

“She chose her career over me.”

“Huh.”

“What was the tone?”

“Nothing,” I shrugged as I closed my locker, “I’m just wondering why you made her feel like she had to choose.”

“I mean…that’s just the way the world works, it’s not me…”

“So, when you proposed to her, did you feel like you had to choose between her or your career?”

Nick scoffed, “Of course not!”

“Why is it of course not for you and that’s the way the world works for her?”

“Because it just is!” He insisted as he followed me toward the door, “Would you want your wife out running around risking her life while the kids are at home with a babysitter?”

That brought me to a stop, “She wants kids?”

“What?” He looked at me in confusion, “Who doesn’t want kids?”

“Wait! You didn’t have a conversation about whether or not she wants kids? You just assumed she did and then unilaterally decided she had to give up her career to have them?” I knew my mouth was hanging open, but this guy was the textbook definition of clueless and that’s saying a lot coming from me, the guy who doesn’t do commitments.

“I- Jesus!” Nick’s face reddened, “Who has to have a conversation about whether or not they want kids? Why else do you get married in the first place?”

“Uh, because you love someone and want to commit yourself to them?”

“Part of that commitment is kids!”

“No. That’s an entirely separate issue and conversation.”

“You don’t want kids?” he demanded incredulously.

“I’m not against the idea,” I told him as I pulled the door open and headed down the hallway, “but no, it’s not something that I actively wish for.”

“So, if you were married to her, you’d be okay with never having kids, her putting her life in jeopardy on the daily and often not knowing where she is for months at a time while she’s on a case?”

“Yes! You just described what she’s like right now! How could I ask her to change who she is when that’s literally who I fell in love with? If she loved me back, I’d count myself as the luckiest bastard on the planet and the last thing I would ever do is be stupid enough to make her choose between me and-“ I broke off midsentence as I realized how much of myself I was revealing to this jackass, “Shit!”

“I knew it! You’re in love with her!”

“And you’re an idiot. Sorry dude, I mean, I appreciate all your help with the case, but I’m beginning to see why she doesn’t do relationships.”

“What do you mean?”

We reached the conference room door, and I stopped in the hallway to ask him, “Has she been in a serious relationship since you?”

“Not that I’m aware of.”

I nodded in understanding, “So, you’re the reason.”

“I don’t see how-“

“How do you not see it? You made her feel like she wasn’t enough for you the way she is… like she needed to change herself, shrink herself for you. That’s not love.” I shook my head and pushed the door open.

He followed me into the room still protesting, “No, that’s marriage, commitment. You make sacrifices-“

“I don’t think so. Not like that.”

“That’s easy for you to say now. You’re not even technically dating her.”

I stopped halfway across the room and spun to face him, lowering my voice so only he could hear, “I love the girl, okay? I don’t need her to marry me to prove that and I sure as hell don’t need her, or want her, to give up pieces of herself to fit into my life!”

“So, you’d really be okay with a relationship where you barely see her?”

“Asked and answered. Yes! Now let’s get geared up and on the road!”

Jason fitted us both with earpieces so our conversations with the target could be monitored. We ran through the details of the plan one more time then headed down to the garages.

I glanced over at Nick as we walked. He was being quiet and while I may have just met the guy, I knew that meant he was thinking about something, “What? Just say it, or ask it so we can get it out of the way and get our heads back in the mission.”

“I’m just wondering why you would be willing to settle for a relationship where you barely see her?”

 A disbelieving huff escaped me, “Wow, you think that’s settling?”

“What would you call it?”

“I would call myself lucky beyond anything I actually deserve if I were the one she was coming back to, no matter how long she was gone. She’s worth waiting for. I understand what she does for a living, I understand what her career means to her, and I would never ask her to give it up.”

“But she could die doing this job!”

“I could die doing mine,” I jerked open the door to the extensive underground palace garages, “What’s your point?”

“That is my point! I don’t want to worry about my wife dying at work!”

“Were you planning to go into a different field after you got married?”

“Of course not.”

“So, it’s okay for your partner to not see you for months at a time, and to sit home with the knowledge that you could die on the job? Do you really not see the huge double standard there?”

“It’s not the same thing.”

“It’s exactly the same thing.”

“Agree to disagree.”

“Yep,” I gritted through a clenched jaw. This fucking guy. No wonder she doesn’t want a relationship.

Leo

I shifted nervously as the car pulled up in front of the small, clapboard house on a quiet residential street in a working-class neighborhood. We had opted for a sedate sedan rather than drawing undue attention by pulling up in a limo.

If Max was right, she was here. If Riley’s intel was correct, she was in Hidar. But even if she wasn’t home, perhaps the woman that raised her would be and I could get some answers. If she was home, then I was about to meet my sister for the first time.

My sister.

I gulped in a few deep breaths at the idea.

“It’s okay, babe,” Olivia slipped her hand into mine and squeezed.

I glanced down into her face gratefully. To the outside world, Olivia Nevrakis was cold, harsh, mean even. But those were traits that were required to survive at court. And like me, she’d had to survive at court her whole life.

For those of us who grew up in the palace, the pressure was constant, but Livvie was more than the tough façade she presented to the outside world. She was the scared kid that was delivered to the palace by servants after her parent’s death. She was the fearless twelve-year-old who didn’t flinch in the dark woods when we got lost. She was the young woman who came of age under the scrutiny of an entire country. She was the confident woman who took over running a duchy at the age of sixteen and did it well. She was a stunning beauty with a strong personality and most of her peers saw her as a threat. Because she was one.

But she was also the only person I’d ever been able to talk to, I mean really talk to. She knew things about me no one else did. She could make me laugh when the weight of the crown was crushing in on me, and she could comfort me when all hope seemed lost. And she was the only woman I could see sharing my life with.

I lifted her hand to my mouth and laid a gentle kiss on the back of it, “Thank you, for everything.”

“Hush!” She brushed my gratitude aside, but a slight flush crept across her face as she turned away, “Now, let’s go meet your sister!”

Riley

The flight to Hidar had been uneventful. Madeleine and I had met Godfrey and Emmeline at the airport. Emmeline had seemed surprised to see me, but Godfrey hadn’t. Unfortunately, no new information had been forthcoming during the course of our flight.

Tonight was a formal dinner with someone high up in the Via Imperii and the secret heir to the Cordonian throne. I wondered how much Leo and Liam’s sister knew about any of it. Who she really was, what the Via Imperii was all about, and how she was tangled up with it in the first place.

She had left Auvernall as an infant with a woman that Eleanor had trusted. Drake’s father had allegedly delivered them to somewhere safe.

How had the Via Imperii found her? Was the woman that raised her part of the cabal, or had she been tricked? Or had they waited until she was grown to approach her?

If she knew who she was, why hadn’t she ever reached out to her brothers? Was she really ready to depose her own brother for a chance to rule a country she’d never even been to?

“Who’s going to be at this party?” I asked Madeleine as we prepared to enter the ballroom of the palatial estate we were staying at.  

She turned toward me with a sparkle in her eye, “The king of Hidar, Eirik Midsommar for one.”

“Impressive,” I fawned, “So he’s one of us?”

“Oh yes, and he won’t be the only monarch here, Queen Sigrid Runarsdottir of Vallenheim will be here as well.”

“Really? Why? I mean, I’m always up for mingling with the upper crust, but I thought this meeting was specifically for the Cordonian branch to finally meet the secret heir.”

“You’ll see,” She giggled and it sent dread crawling down my spine. I’d never heard a giggle sound evil before. And I’ve taken down drug dealers, serial killers, and terrorists.

We entered the lavish ballroom and my eyes scanned the area discreetly, cataloging who was there. Emmeline and Godfrey, of course. Also, the duke whose estate we were staying at, Carlisle Edmonton. I mentally noted several heads of state and a couple of celebrities. It was a small gathering, but there was a lot of political and economic clout in the room.  

I angled for introductions to every face that I didn’t recognize. I mingled and I listened. This was the elite of the European branch of the Via Imperii. I was standing in the room with the leaders of not just the Cordonian faction, but most of the continent. If my intel was correct, the leadership of the entire organization was based somewhere in this region. I was close. I could feel it.

A high-pitched voice sang out, “Is that little Riley Brooks?”

I turned with a smile, “Sigrid!”

“Oh! You know each other?” Madeleine’s expression was torn between surprised and impressed.

“Of course! She was a fixture at her aunt’s gala’s until she ran off to save endangered species in the rain forests or something.”

My smile broadened under Madeleine’s scrutiny. The endangered animal story was how my family explained my absence since they couldn’t very well tell the truth. However, saving endangered species wasn’t really something people who subscribed to the Via Imperii mentality would be into so my brain spun quickly to come up with a plausible explanation, “Yes, well, that’s certainly what my parents told everyone I was doing!”

“Oh! Mysterious!” Sigrid clapped her hands. Her face held a brilliant smile, but her eyes were sharp and accessing as she demanded, “And what were you actually doing, pray tell?”

“Fun things,” I responded flippantly, “Extravagant parties on the French Riveria, lots of champagne, drugs, men, women…” I let my eyes run suggestively down Madeleine’s curves as I drawled out the last word.

Madeleine’s eyes widened slightly as a noticeable shiver ran through her.

Sigrid laughed politely, “Are you ready to settle down now? I hear you’re one of the contenders for the hand of the Cordonian prince.”

“I’m ready to take my rightful place among the rule makers if that’s what you mean.”

“And you’re committed to the cause? Because your aunt has been intractable.”

The Via Imperii had reached out to my aunt? That was news to me, but not surprising. It also wasn’t surprising that she had turned them down. She would never give in to such an organization, she actually cared about her people. I couldn’t say any of that of course, so I settled for, “Well, my aunt is short-sighted. Perhaps once I move into a leadership role in the Via Imperii, I can bring her into the fold.”

Sigrid’s eyebrows shot up, “I never knew you had so much ambition!”

“Well, you haven’t seen me since I was a child,” I turned to Madeleine, “Could you be a dear and fetch me more champagne?”

“Oh- I…” Her eyes tracked from me to Sigrid then back again, “Sure.”

Sigrid gave me an appraising look, “Is there something you wish to discuss privately?”

I shifted my posture into business mode, “My future in this organization.”

She lifted her champagne flute slowly as she regarded me seriously. After a long sip, she asked, “And what makes you think I have any power here?”

“Call it a hunch,” I shrugged, “But you’re a powerful woman, a strong ruler, and a world leader. I don’t see you accepting a subservient role in any organization.”

She nodded in approval, the smile real, “Fair enough. If you are crowned queen-“

“When,” I corrected her.

“Oh, I like you!” Sigrid laughed, “That’s just the kind of confidence it takes to rule. Not everyone has that, you know.”

“I’m aware.”

“Take my cousin Constantine for instance. His dear wife Eleanor was simply not suited for the throne. Unfortunate action had to be taken.”

My spine prickled with certainty that her death had been no accident, “What are you saying?”

“I’m asking if you have what it takes to make the difficult decisions.”

My eyes hardened as I assured her, “I do. And having moved in royal circles all my life, I know things that would be of benefit to this organization.”

“I admire your ambition, my dear. Like I said, once the crown is on your head, we’ll talk. Not before.”

That certainly wasn’t a denial that she was placed high up within the cabal. But how high? Before I could make another pitch, Madeleine showed back up with my champagne.

I pasted on my fake happy-to-see-you smile and took the drink as I contemplated my next move.

Leo

The woman who answered the door was tall, with blond hair swept up on top of her head and eyes the color of the Mediterranean. She looked so familiar that I temporarily forgot to speak as my mind spun trying to place her.

“Leo!” Her hand flew to her chest as her eyes widened in surprise.

“So, we have met?”

“You….could say that.” She glanced up and down the sidewalk then gestured us in, “Come in!”

“You’re Cora Illiopolis, correct?” Olivia verified.

Liv and I entered the small, unassuming house and followed the woman to the living room as she confirmed her identity and nervously rambled about getting us some tea. I heard Liv tell her that would be lovely, but my attention was focused on the framed photographers on the console table against the far wall.

Glittering silver frames held pictures of a dark-haired girl who I assumed to be Lena throughout the years. My eyes ran across them in reverse chronological order. College graduation. Secondary school graduation. A winter formal where the girl stood next to a young man in a white tuxedo, both of them smiling out at the camera.

Lena at about twelve years old with Cora at an amusement park. Lena as a toddler, her chubby arms wrapped around the woman that had raised her, face alight with love. The younger the pictures of Cora got, the stronger the sense that I had met her became and then my eyes landed on one in the back row, and before my mind could register what I was seeing, my hand shot out and snatched the frame off the table.

I turned toward her as she entered the room, a tray with full tea service clutched in her hands. Thrusting the photograph toward her as the memory crashed over me, I said, “You’re the lady from the park!”

Her steps faltered a little, but she nodded with a weak smile, “The park, yes. You remember that?”

“What is it, Leo?” Olivia had stepped up behind me. Her hand on my arm grounded me and I turned to show her the picture of our hostess with Queen Eleanor, and myself as a small child on a playground in Stormholt City.

Liv spun on the woman, “Who are you? How did you know Queen Eleanor?”

“Please, sit,” she gestured to the couch as she placed the tray on the coffee table and took the chair across from it.

I made my way to the couch with the photograph still clutched in my hand, “You knew my mother?”

“You could say that.” Her hands shook as she poured the tea and Liv leaned forward and took over the task for her. Cora gave her a grateful smile, “Thank you, dear. You’re Olivia Nevrakis, aren’t you?”

“I am. How do you know that?”

“I keep up with the Cordonian news.” Shifting her attention to me she continued, “I suppose I owe you some answers, but first, why are you here?”

“Lena,” I pulled myself together. It was ridiculous. I’d been taken by surprise before, but I had never felt so shaken.

Cora nodded, “How did you find out about her?”

“Katherine Bodecker.”

“Of course. I always feared the day would come when someone would come looking for us. I’m glad it’s you and not Constantine.”

“Why?”

She sat the cup she’d been holding down to keep it from spilling. Nervousness was one thing, but she looked terrified, “So many reasons.”

“You did know my mother and you were with her when she gave birth? Lena is her child? My sister?”

“Half of that is right.”

Confusing poured through me, “Which part?”

“I knew Eleanor and I was with her when she gave birth. Lena is her child.”

“Which part isn’t true?”

“For starters, Eleanor wasn’t your mother.”

“Not my biological mother, I know that, but she raised me. She was my mother.”

Cora nodded, “She did. And for that I’m grateful.”

“Why would you be grateful for that?” I took in her face again then glanced back down at the framed photograph in my hand. The one where she was decades younger. I studied it for a long time as recognition dawned and a sudden realization washed over me, “Your name’s not really Cora Illiopolis, is it?”

“No, son, it’s not.”

“Wait,” Liv’s head swiveled between us, “Who is she?”

“Liv, this is Helena Samaras. My mother.”

[nekoannie-chan]

Secrets Chapter 13: Recruiting the Captain

Pairing: Steve Rogers X OFC, Brock Rumlow X OFC.

Word count: 1495 words.

Summary: Sometimes keeping secrets can be dangerous or a heavy burden, which is what Kathleen has been doing for years. She will also be in charge of guiding Steve Rogers into this century; meanwhile, S.H.I.E.L.D. will be looking for a way to kick-start the Avengers Initiative by integrating her as one of the superheroes, but that won't be the only danger they face.

Warnings: Jealous.

A/N: After long time working on this longfic, I finally post it. If you wanna be added to the taglist, let me know.

My native language is Spanish so I wanna improve my writing skills in English if you notice any mistakes, please let me know and I will correct them.

I don’t give any kind of permission that my fics to be posted on other platforms or languages (I translate myself my work) or the use of my graphics (my dividers are included in this), I did them exclusively for my fics, please respect my work and don't steal it. There are some people here who make dividers that anyone can use, mine is not this type, please look for the other's people. The only exception is the ones I gifted 'cuz now belong to someone else. If you find any of my works on a different platform and are not one of my accounts, please let me know. Reblogs and comments are always welcome.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Marvel's characters (unfortunately), except for the original characters and the story.

Add yourself to my taglist here.

My other media where I publish:  Ao3, Wattpad, ffnet, TikTok, Instagram, Twitter. 

If you like it, please vote, comment, and give me feedback to improve my skills and reblog.

You can read it on Wattpad and Ao3 too. 

Secrets masterlist.

Previous chapter.

Next chapter.

A month had already passed since the fight that night. They went to the cafeteria that Steve usually goes to. The blonde waitress that always serves him didn't look very happy to see him arrive with someone else, specifically with a woman. They occupied one of the tables outside, which was the one that Steve always chose.

"So, this is one of the places you often come to," commented Kathleen as Steve raised an eyebrow. "You read the files," he said as he nodded toward Stark Tower.

The waitress approached them, and with a smile and a flirtatious look, she took Steve's order and reluctantly took Kathleen's, while Kath held back her laughter as she listened to the waitress' thoughts.

"Her name is Beth, and she likes you," she said to Steve with a hint of jealousy.

"You shouldn't read other people's minds," the soldier scolded her.

"I know, besides, didn't you see how I looked, if you heard what I was thinking you would laugh too, she thinks we are boyfriend and girlfriend or something " the woman smiled mischievously.

"No, Kath, don't even think about it; I may not be able to read your mind, but I know you," he warned her, and she pursed her lips.

"Do you like him?" asked the woman with a hint of jealousy and venom.

"Are you jealous?"

Why should I be? "I only care about you," she cursed mentally. She couldn't let him realize it when even she didn't understand what she was feeling.

After taking what they ordered, they went to the gym, where Steve had signed up for the motorcycle that S.H.I.E.L.D. had provided for the soldier. Now Kathleen was calmer to see that he was riding something rare or dangerous.

A few nights later, the doorbell rang several times, and the mutant went to open the door, sure that Steve had forgotten the keys again; however, she got a big surprised to see Fury at the entrance with a scary, serious face.

"Uncle Nick, is something wrong?" She was absolutely sure that something bad had happened; it was too late for it to simply be a courtesy visit, especially since she knew well that if he showed up in person himself, it was definitely not a good thing, so she let him in.

"We lost the Tesseract; I need you and Rogers to get it back," Nick reported, and she bit her lip nervously. "Kitty, where the hell is Rogers?" Fury had enough problems without adding to them, and the last thing he needed was to have lost the Soldier.

"In a gym, boxing I guess," she rolled his eyes. "He's got a habit of doing that and spending hours in there; we need to go get him," she said as she grabbed her bag and climbed into the van with Fury.

"So, you plan to start Project Avengers, even though the council cancelled it.” Turn right at the light," Kathleen said to see if she understood what Fury was planning. "So, Project Insight..." She knew that this project was a replacement for the other one.

"It will go on; you must make sure that the first part is a success; I will take care of the board," the director assured her as he turned around as the woman had indicated.

"Does my aunt know about all this?" She asked, and Fury nodded, "Do you think all that is enough to stop him if he were to come?" Does Loki work for him? She looked at him curiously, still not quite understanding the strategy.

"I'm almost certain that Loki works for him, as well as Thor, and that they will come too. I hope so, but if not, if things get complicated, we can call her. "Are you still talking to her?" He turned to see the woman.

"Of course, although to be honest, I miss her; it's been a while since the last time I saw her; she's in the next block," he answered as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Have you mentioned any of this to Rogers?" He stopped the car and grabbed her arm before she got out.

"No, no one must know anything about this; that has been made very clear to me, and the only thing that worries me is if things don't go as we expect them to," he said, and they both looked at each other and got out of the car.

Kathleen decided to wait outside. Maybe Fury could convince Steve; as far as she knew, he didn't want to fight again, and he still hadn't decided what he wanted to do with his life. She checked her cell phone; she wanted to know if Brock had texted her about it. There was nothing, and with that, she verified that Nick hadn't told anyone else. She sighed when she saw him leave alone; she didn't convince him.

"I'll go convince him, I know exactly what to tell him, Uncle Nicky, we'll be at the Helicarrier tomorrow, don't forget to send someone for us," she put her hand on Fury's arm.

"What if he doesn't accept?” He seems upset," Nick replied.

"He'll accept it, even if I have to manipulate his mind a bit for that. Leave it in my hands." He let go of Fury and went to catch up with Steve.

"Hey, it's time to go home," he said with an innocent tone.

"You're not going to convince me, Kath," he said, turning to face her with his arms crossed.

"I haven't told you anything; let's just go home; it's late," he smiled, making a scolded puppy face.

Steve sighed and motioned for her to follow him to where he had left the bike. He helped her up and felt her blush as she leaned her head on his back.

"Stevie, do you really not want to participate?" She said, using a tone somewhere between sweet and slightly womanish, "Stark is going to participate too.” Don't you want to meet him?" she asked. "And there will also be other interesting people," she added, looking at him innocently.

Kathy, don't start. He stopped when he saw the file on the tablet she was offering him; someone had tried to replicate the serum he had been injected with. "Do you really think it could be useful?” Tell me the truth," he said, taking her arm to look her straight in the eyes.

"Of course, I do, besides, the world deserves to know that Captain America did not die and is still protecting the world, in case someone thinks of doing something crazy again," she let go of his grip, she was not planning to say that, but she was not so conscious of what she was saying because she felt nervous to have him so close.

"Are you going to participate too?" she asked him.

"Yes, my powers could be useful, they're coming for us early tomorrow morning to take us to the others, I think you have a lot of reading to catch up on," she handed the files to the Captain. By the way, Steve "she called and he looked up. “Don’t think that Stark is the same as his father when you knew him; in fact, I think that even his father changed a lot, and both of them made enough enemies that almost nobody wants to work with them because of the things they did, so don't get your hopes up too high," she informed him, and he looked at her confused and nodded.

"Kath, I will participate." He pulled out the files she had gotten for him some time ago. How did he die? She showed him Howard's file.

"A car accident on his way to the airport with his wife," he answered, looking at the other file. "Did you love her?" A part of her feared she knew the answer.

"She's the first woman who didn't reject me or look at me with disgust before I was injected with the serum; isn't she beautiful?" She looked at the woman.

"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, Steve," she replied bitterly. "Are you sure she loved you?" He had always suspected there was something dark about Carter, not to mention everything she knew.

"Yes... I guess, she waited for her ideal mate," he didn't understand Kathleen's position.

"If I had been her, I wouldn't have married someone else, much less if they didn't find your body without knowing if you were alive or not." Kathleen felt how anger and jealousy took over her body. She tried not to show any emotion on her face. "But well, you should read those files; you need to know all that information for our mission." She came closer to kissing him on the cheek, suddenly feeling how tears were accumulating in her eyes. She went to her bedroom, leaving Steve in the living room with the documentation.

Ꭲꭺꮐꮮꮖꮪꭲ:

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[jenyifer]

Atom in the Soup.

It’s the night before only friends again and I haven’t properly talked about Atom. Yes I did talk about him in relation to Cheum and Boston’s masking but!! He is important to the BostonNickverse so I can’t ignore him. Hell I even did some soup on Daddy Dan before Atom.

Atom’s name is not a mistake he’s viewed as small and insignificant to the rest of the cast. Boston pays the most attention to him because he cares for Cheum and Atom is an extension of her. So he readily treats him like a little brother too. He must have seen hung out with Atom before. But Atom is important for telling a queer narrative and we can’t over look him because so often Bisexual eraser is a thing in media and our conversations about queer people. I personally have a love hate feeling towards him based on my own experiences.

Let me tell you a story… a lesbian story actually. I was friends with several girls who were dating men (who were terrible by the way) and one of them let’s call her Eve was always talking obsessively to me. She introduced me to my future ex gf let’s call her Lili. We started dating and immediately Eve told me “oh it’s so funny I didn’t know you liked women… I don’t like women but I’ve had a lot of dreams about Lili and you Crazy? Right?” Eve was definitely dating a man but she would tell me about how much she liked Lili all the time. I made the mistake of keeping this info to myself because I didn’t want to ruin their friendship didn’t think it was my place. When Lili and I broke up Eve immediately tried and failed hooking up with Lili. Eve told me she was still straight she just wanted to try. She always dreamed of being with her but in the moment it was too real according to her. Lili’s panicked story to me was that she rejected Eve then the girl got very drunk and she dropped her off and was going to never talk to her again. Eve told me she was 100% str8 and this helped her cement this… supposedly.

So was Atom or Eve at fault for wanting to try? No. Did they obsess for a long time about how things would go? Yes. Reality is you trying something out like that is harmful to yourself and the other person when boundaries aren’t clearly understood ahead of time. Boston made it clear so many times that this was a one and done thing that Atom could leave that Boston didn’t judge him. But reality is Atom fucked about and found out. It’s not easy discovering who you are I don’t blame Eve or Atom for trying to go to someone who they know and admire. Seems like the easy option. But it’s a story people like Lili and Boston see all the time pretty out and proud lesbian gays used for experimentation making them feel less than. It’s not flattering to find out someone you thought was a friend only thinks about your body. So push them away before they can make you feel inferior insignificant. A single Atom.

I sympathize with Atom. He has no one to talk to. He believed Boston would still be there even if things went wrong because sex is no big deal to Boston. But that wasn’t reality. Now Atom is alone and hurt. Questioning who he is and if he has done the right thing. If I have to predict what I think will happen is.

1. Atom tells Cheum after seeing Boston with her maybe trying to reconcile? Then everything blows up.

2. Atom sees Boston happy with Nick and this causes Atom to go Nuclear getting revenge. Maybe he knows Nick and thinks he’s such a loser so why can Boston accept Nick but not Atom

whatever happens I feel like we are going to get a nuclear explosion that effects Nick and Boston going to ep 12. This is likely not to be my last soup pot on this boy.