#(am i talking about me? am i talking about dirk? nobody knows)

[classpectpokerap]

Give meq tgat fefat <> roxy stuffff please

alright bear with me for a second i gotta paint a word picture

imagine youre roxy lalonde, right.

you just entered the game. youve got a bottle of momslime. your modus was literally built to hold ectobiologized goo. youve been feeling the weight of destiny on your shoulders -- YOU ARE GOING TO MEET HER. she might be dead but you are going to meet her.

and you get to your sprite,

and theres just

a fucking

CLOWN

and two corpses that he throws into the kernel.

(the first homestuck fic i ever read, Conference Call, has a version of the erisolsprite prototyping. they fought gamzee and got their fuckin asses kicked. its great.)

and then youre left with just. Some Alien Bitch. and its like the universe is teasing you, because she's partially the DIRECT DESCENDANT of the fishwitch what killed your mom, and also a cat???? you are so sick to death of cats. you have been up to your fucking ass in cats. its just too much

and then she just. talks to you

and you slowly start to listen

you hear about her lives on alternia. what it was like being a princess, what it was like being the pauper. how they weren't even really friends, before -- they ran in different circles.

but they're one person, now. one person dedicated to *helping you.*

we never find out how roxy quit drinking, or who helped her through it

(it was fefeta)

and fefeta *loves* you. she listens to you talk about boys. you talk about your mom. fefeta never really spoke to her... but her nepeta half *knows what happened to your kitty frigglish* after he died. and frigglish said that your mom was okay.

that everything was going to be okay

and it's just. jane had her shit. jake was up in his shit. dirk had fucked off with his shit. and roxy really only had fefeta!!!!!!!!

and i think they were moirails and i think they loved each other so much. frankly. tbf.

roxy is a trans woman, fefeta is newly plural. they have a lot in common. tbqh. its like. its very beautiful. in my eyes. in my vision.

and then

she dies

and this is like. this is a really big fucking deal honestly?

fefeta's death is like. a huge thing. its one of the only things she tells john about when summarizing the entirety of her session.

and this isnt something she magically gets back in the post-retcon timeline, either

like... when fefeta dies, there isnt a post-retcon fefeta. (we'll GET TO YOU JASPROSE.) it's just roxy who remembers fefeta's existence at all -- her friends dont have any connection to her. *nobody alive in all of reality* remembers her.

fefeta isnt just dead, dude, shes Fucking GONE. shes the goner ever. shes fuckin erased.

but honestly

on a level? good for her.

we've seen what being in homestuck does to people. it warps them, reshapes them. (see the new hsbc upd8 for some cool imagery about it.) fefetasprite was never a real part of the story. she got away with being silent -- her words are hidden from us. she was never in LE's clutches.

and why would LE even want to clutch her

she's the sword that's going to kill him, after all

:3

i call fefetasprite the "cat fish witch" for a very important reason. a) its cute BUT B). if you look at caledfwlch, dave's sword, and just sorta. squint at the word. it looks like cat fish witch. that's fefeta. she Iss the cat fish witch.

so what does her death mean?

well it's not like dave used an UNBROKEN sword to fight LE.

feferi is the part of the sword still left in the stone. the part we forgot and left behind.

which leaves Nepeta, the other half of this broken sword, of the Cat Fish Witch

to kill the shit out of Lord English. B33

the sword was always going to kill him!!!!!!!! fefetasprite was the sword!!!!!!!!!!! NEPETA WAS ALWAYS FATED TO DEFEAT LORD ENGLISH!!!! AM I CLINICALLY INSANE? YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway. all this to say.

i wrote a fic about this.

check out the second work in the series for roxy processing the emotions that none of her post-retcon friends remember her moirail. it's some good stuff i think!!!!!!! also hal is there!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway jasprose is just roxy's initial dream of reviving her mom in her kernelsprite brought to life through the most roundabout and indirect and stupid way possible. send POST

[yifftwiceplz]

So let’s have a little ooc chat. I’m not looking at the dashboard or any messages right now because i don't have it in me to respond.

I support myself through freelance income which requires a lot of focus and attention during my work week.

I can still do silly rp stuff in between stuff but for the most part i need to stay focused on work.

One thing I really can’t do is focus on rp that is actively stressing me out. When my anxiety is ramped up, I can’t eat and I can barely focus on work. And I can’t be IC, as a hard boundary for myself, because I don’t like to let frustration leak through IC. Nor do I enjoy neglecting myself.

I stepped away today because I needed to focus on work and I needed to get my emotions in order. This is pretty normal behavior for me, which those of you have known me *counts fingers* about three weeks might not know. But I regularly need to step away and have Me Time. Even IC issues notwithstanding.

Nobody here should have become attached to me enough to get passive aggressive because I’m gone for a few hours. My own best friends of 10+ years to even 20+ years don’t do that to me. And I don’t do that to them.

I could have just been napping. I could have been working. I could have been cleaning. I could have just wanted some time to myself.

I really don’t like all this being made a bigger deal than it needs to be. If Dave or Dirk dont enjoy something I’m not gonna make them pretend they do. The dashboard is always alive with people chatting and doing stuff so if they make you upset OOC to talk to, my personal rule on that situation is. Reach out to other characters. Shitpost into the void. Reblog a bunch of cat vids. it's seriously not the end of the world if one of them is annoyed at your character.

I’m gonna take a couple days because I have work I need to get done and I cannot spend those days emotionally supporting people that I do not know over playing dolls on tumblr. Especially over IC boundaries.

I’m sorry for the ooc and for the firm wording but I feel like the past few days have gotten out of hand. I am not interested in apologies ooc because I think this has gone on long enough and it could very easily be over if I could just log onto my dashboard at my own leisure and not feel bad for hurt feelings over me or my character getting frustrated.  You take care of yourself and you let me take care of myself.

[wretcheddthing]

7 Comfort Movies

i was tagged by @cuteallo and i’m Watching you.

1) The Mummy (1999): We Know. If you know me you know this. Hold on I’m going to go take a picture of my bumper sticker (you know the one)

I have a poster hanging up in my room. It’s my all time most favorite movie Ever. Plus it just feels like a love letter to classic Universal monsters which I didn’t really Get until my good buddy Jamie got me interested in the history of it while I was doing research for my old radio show. Some of the creative choices and definitely the horror elements were so precisely implemented to mimic classic horror set tropes, like how the moon is always huge and bright and a little too big. And it’s SO quotable. RIDDLED with problems, but Roger Ebert said it best, “There is hardly a thing I can say in its favor, except that I was cheered by nearly every minute of it. I cannot argue for the script, the direction, the acting or even the mummy, but I can say that I was not bored and sometimes I was unreasonably pleased.“

2) Howl’s Moving Castle: I don’t think I need to explain this one. It’s a movie that Radiates comfort. I watched it at least a couple times back to back the last time i got sick.

3) Atlantis: The Lost Empire: This movie is directly responsible (in conjunction with The Mummy and Uncharted) for a full cast of OCs. This movie is part of the reason I’ve taken so many archaeology courses and helped out at a dig site last summer. also in conjunction with the mummy and uncharted

4) Mamma Mia: it reminds me of my mom ;-; i grew up with ABBA because of her, she took me to see this in theaters when it came out. she lives a couple states away now and is currently utilizing her retirement to spend a month abroad and i miss her very much. will probably watch this later

5) Brave: I made myself sad bc i miss my mom. This is one I took her to see in theaters, and let me tell you were there not other people in the theater i would have been openly sobbing. Also it’s just a damn fine movie. It came out around the time I was deeply interested in archery and i am partially Scottish so on the surface it seemed right up my alley. but then the story got me and i cannot watch it without crying

6) Zombieland: Stealing this one from Teagan because hard same. Found family, zombies, reminiscent of Left 4 Dead. Good memories with that game playing it with my older sibling on their XBox 360 whenever they came up to visit :) Also it’s SO HARD to find decent zombie shit now!!! no one gets it! nobody gets it anymore they’re all like “the people are the real monsters” NO. THAT’S NOTHING. THAT’S NOT INTERESTING. USE ZOMBIES AS THE METAPHORICAL TOOL THEY ARE TO ELEVATE HUMAN STORIES. COWARDS.

7) The Martian: It’s my favorite book of all time and as far as movie adaptations go I really don’t think it’s that bad. Mark Watney’s gotta be one of the characters ever made. I read this book every single year now because I related to it at a time I really needed to (see: high school) and the movie is pretty faithful imo. Look I have a drawing for it

anyways i think i made this post too long and i would say it’s bc i’m a film minor but i didn’t say anything really insightful about any of these movies i just like to talk i’m tagging @gilarroyo @olliesaurus-rex @prioriincantatemx @elliewilliams @adairable-dirks @jamiechanga​ and whosoever wishes to participate

[pesterloglog]

Aranea Serket, Jake English, Dirk Strider

Act 6, page 4926-4931

ARANEA: Well, Jake? Don't you have anything to say?

JAKE: ...

ARANEA: I think I've spent enough time introducing myself! You have hardly said a word.

ARANEA: It would 8e nice to know whether my long story has confounded you in any particular way, or if you are just 8eing shy.

JAKE: Uh...

ARANEA: Yes?

ARANEA: Jake, I understand this is very much to learn all at once, 8ut do you really want me to keep speaking until I am 8lue in the face?

JAKE: ...

JAKE: Gulp!

ARANEA: You appear to 8e perspiring heavily.

ARANEA: There is no reason to 8e so nervous, especially considering you are only dreaming.

JAKE: Shit!

JAKE: Sorry. I dont know where i put the dream towels.

ARANEA: It's ok.

ARANEA: Well, at the risk talking a8out myself a little more, I feel it would 8e dishonest not to confess.

JAKE: What?

ARANEA: I am a fairly gifted psychic.

JAKE: Whoa really?

ARANEA: Yes.

JAKE: Like you can see the future?

JAKE: Are they ghost powers or troll powers? Or wait shucks thats a dumb sounding question.

ARANEA: No, that was a fine question. They're troll powers. Sometimes those of my 8lood type will have them naturally.

ARANEA: And no, they are not prognosticative a8ilities. They let me access another's mind in a way that can 8e terri8ly invasive if a8used.

JAKE: Invasive?

ARANEA: Yes. Including the a8ility to control minds, when exploited fully.

JAKE: Uh oh.

ARANEA: 8ut don't worry. They don't seem to work the same way on your species. They're considera8ly weaker.

ARANEA: The most I can do is get an empathic impression of your emotional state.

ARANEA: So if I speculate that you are shy or nervous, it is 8ecause I can sense that you are.

JAKE: Aw man youre kidding!

JAKE: So much for trying to be cool i guess.

JAKE: Although i probably blew that when you saw me yelling at nobody about boners and stuff.

ARANEA: I wouldn't say you 8lew it, 8ut that was certainly odd.

ARANEA: Who were you talking to, if you don't mind my asking?

JAKE: That was like...

JAKE: The brain ghost memory splinter of my best friend dirk who is stuck in my head and you cant see.

JAKE: And he was kinda hassling me and trying to get me to talk to him about how his real self has a thing for me but i kind of think it would be weird to talk to his brain impostor about that? At least for now.

JAKE: And then you showed up and you caught me at an awkward moment where he was threatening to make some bodily functions happen in front of you as a joke which would have been embarrassing as all blasted heck.

JAKE: But now it turns out you can read my mind too so im surrounded by brain invaders!

JAKE: You seem cool aranea but uh when am i going to wake up?

ARANEA: I am not a 8rain invader though!

ARANEA: I said I can only sense your emotions. I think it's polite to let people know 8efore long. Otherwise I 8egin to feel a 8it underhanded.

JAKE: Ok. I guess thats not too bad.

JAKE: I think i can keep my feelings buttoned up. That is what strong and adventurous gentlemen do i think. They keep a stiff upper lip even on the inside. That way they are never embarrassed and feel slightly more brave about stuff.

ARANEA: 8ut you don't have to! That was not the point of my telling you.

ARANEA: I'm used to sensing many things from people. There aren't any feelings you could have that would 8e that surprising to me or compromising to you.

ARANEA: I really just want you to relax for the 8rief time we have in this 8u88le and talk to me.

JAKE: Um gotcha.

JAKE: But what should i talk about?

ARANEA: Well, I have spent almost no time examining this iteration of your universe.

ARANEA: The gods have given me very little access to it through the memories of others until now.

ARANEA: I 8elieve they are finally 8eginning to 8ridge the divides 8etween long estranged compartments of reality, allowing previously unintroduced parties to mingle.

ARANEA: Those from different universes, 8oth their initial iterations and their scratched re8oots. Those from different spheres, ones of creative potential and of mortality.

ARANEA: Through us all they attempt to 8ring closure to unsanctioned loops and restore sta8ility to the cosmos.

ARANEA: So I am curious a8out you and your friends. What is your life like?

JAKE: My life?

JAKE: I wish i could say it was more interesting but its actually been a mite lackluster.

JAKE: There are monsters but i try to stay away from them to tell you the truth.

JAKE: Its mostly just me sitting around here watching movies and stuff and sometimes polishing firearms.

JAKE: Guns are sweet. So are movies heh. This is a terrible story.

ARANEA: I understand. The same is mostly true for myself.

ARANEA: I can sense that you are either very impressed or in some way intimidated 8y me, 8ut when it comes down to the 8asics, a description of my life would 8e 8oring as well.

ARANEA: Why don't you show me around?

JAKE: Show you around my room? Yes ok.

JAKE: Well. There are some guns. Like i said guns are great.

JAKE: There is a whole mess of movie posters on the wall. You probably never heard of any of them being a dead alien and such.

ARANEA: Nope. ::::)

JAKE: And...

JAKE: I dont know. Theres a desk which i use to work on silly projects. And thats my bed i guess.

JAKE: Ummmm and...

JAKE: Hmm what else.

DIRK: Dude, just FYI, you've been kind of staring at her.

JAKE: (What? Shh!)

ARANEA: What was that?

JAKE: Nothing!

DIRK: I'm not trying to fuck you up here, I promise. But you gotta watch what you're thinking, remember?

JAKE: (Go away!!)

DIRK: Oh man. No. See that thought you just had? That's exactly what I'm talking about.

DIRK: She's a fucking empath, bro. She can pick up on shit like that.

JAKE: (Shhhhh not listening to you.)

ARANEA: Jake?

JAKE: Nothing! Its cool. Im...

DIRK: You have got to be kidding. Did you seriously just think something THAT dirty?

DIRK: You must be doing this on purpose to spite me now. I mean, just wow dude. That was x-rated as fuck.

JAKE: (No no stop. See youre talking about it and now i cant help it!)

JAKE: (You are psyching me into having dirty thoughts get fucking lost you interloping brain douche!!!)

DIRK: Don't worry, I'm gone. It's like a goddamn peep show in here and I feel like a sleazy piece of shit watching this from a dark corner of your mind.

DIRK: You have a graphic imagination, English. I'm kind of impressed.

JAKE: (Shut up theyre just thoughts its not even like im trying to have them THEY DONT MEAN ANYTHING!)

ARANEA: Hmm.

ARANEA: Should I leave and come 8ack during another dream?

JAKE: No!!!

ARANEA: Ok then.

ARANEA: What's this? An illustrated story of some sort?

JAKE: Oh hey whoa!

JAKE: Lets not worry about that its nothing really. Here give me that ok?

ARANEA: Why are you getting flustered a8out this literature?

ARANEA: Is it pornographic?

ARANEA: It does not strike me as indecent at a glance. Though may8e our cultures have different standards?

JAKE: Hahaha what? No its not that at all its just...

JAKE: I dunno its just a nerdy comic i read its no big deal.

JAKE: Theres GOT to be other stuff to talk about lets see...

ARANEA: Jake.

JAKE: Huh?

ARANEA: You know, it's not the first time I've sensed that someone felt a flushed attraction for me.

JAKE: A flushed whatsit!!

JAKE: Oh my flipping gosh...

ARANEA: You really don't have to 8e so em8arrassed. It's perfectly ok.

JAKE: Aaaaargh oh god oh god you sensed my stupid sexy thoughts i KNEW it.

JAKE: God DAMN you bogus brain strider!

JAKE: Someone needs to just kill me. Or at least make me wake up! This is so humiliating i dont even...

JAKE: Can you please just slap me really hard? If not in retribution for my ungentlemanly train of thought then at least to just get me to wake up and save me from my own ceaseless buffoonery.

ARANEA: Actually I do 8elieve it would 8e within the scope of my a8ilities to get you to wake up.

ARANEA: 8ut do you really want me to do that?

JAKE: Um... maybe?

ARANEA: If it is true that you think I am attractive then why wouldn't you want to spend a little more time here with me? What's the harm?

ARANEA: Are you really in such a hurry to leave and feel sorry for yourself, for no explica8le reason?

JAKE: Well...

JAKE: No.

ARANEA: I already told you, Jake.

ARANEA: I am used to sensing many different types of feelings.

ARANEA: It's given me a different perspective on emotions than most have.

ARANEA: For most, the feelings of others are often a mystery. So they are prone to speculation and paranoia a8out the motivations of people they meet.

ARANEA: The emotions of others can seem like such well guarded mysteries, people 8egin to 8elieve that's how their own emotions should 8e treated as well. So when someone can read their thoughts easily it feels like a violation.

ARANEA: 8ut to one accustomed to reading those thoughts, there isn't the same perception of violation or secrecy. It's more like examining other self evident facts a8out a person, like taking note of their appearance.

ARANEA: It's still hard for non-psychics to understand this though, even if you explain it to them. It can lead to some awkward relationships, unfortunately.

JAKE: I imagine it would.

JAKE: So...

JAKE: Youve sensed it when other fellas have had the hots for you eh?

ARANEA: Fellows, yes. And ladies. It's happened.

JAKE: Yowza!

JAKE: You mustve been popular i guess.

ARANEA: Haha! Oh no. No, not really.

ARANEA: The fact that I've 8een the fleeting o8ject of attraction to a handful really paints the wrong social picture I'm afraid.

JAKE: That is hard to believe.

ARANEA: It's my experience that people very often underestimate their own lika8ility. I sense that feeling all the time.

ARANEA: Pro8a8ly 8ecause they're in the dark a8out others' thoughts. They are usually in dou8t, so they frequently err on the side of pessimism.

ARANEA: In many cases they would 8e surprised if they knew how many around them were open to friendship, or possi8ly something more.

ARANEA: I would venture that if you had such a sense you even might 8e surprised yourself!

JAKE: Ha! Thats a laugh.

JAKE: I am quite sure my only suitor is my best bro and even then he is such a jumbled stupid puzzle of unfathomable ironies im not even sure about THAT half the time.

JAKE: I wish i had your powers that would be top notch. Id be parked on the corner of relationship lane and EASY STREET.

JAKE: I could kick back in my eligible bachelors limousine and never fuck up or ever say anything awkward like i have been doing non stop so far in this dream.

ARANEA: Let's not get carried away. That certainly does not descri8e my experience.

ARANEA: You would think 8eing a8le to sense the occasional attraction from others would 8e advantageous, and inspire confidence in yourself.

ARANEA: And it is nice when that happens, sure.

ARANEA: 8ut then, you feel the negative emotions directed at you as well.

ARANEA: And even if they are less common than the positive ones, you have a way of dwelling on them, and magnifying them far 8eyond their real significance.

ARANEA: It's funny how an a8ility that should give you all the advantages in the world over others can lead you to feel worse a8out yourself than if you never had them.

ARANEA: You put all your energy into thinking a8out people with the 8ad feelings a8out you instead of the good, and you try your 8est to fix things.

ARANEA: 8ut usually it just gets worse. People think you are over8earing and needy, and they don't understand what it is you want from them.

ARANEA: I can see why it can drive some with my a8ilities to a8use the powers.

ARANEA: Fortunately I was a8le to resist the temptation.

JAKE: So there are people on your planet who do that?

ARANEA: On the world I was from, it was rare. Only a few criminals and outcasts would.

ARANEA: 8ut in the second iteration I mentioned, it was commonplace. Like I said, things were very different.

ARANEA: In my world though, the higher castes have a lot of responsi8ilities. It wouldn't 8e right to a8use my powers.

JAKE: So you were in a higher caste because of the hemospectrum thing you mentioned?

ARANEA: Ah, so you were listening to my lengthy pream8le!

JAKE: I heard all of it!

JAKE: I was just um... well go on.

ARANEA: Yes. 8lue 8loods like myself were higher than most.

ARANEA: The jo8 of each 8lood caste was to serve the needs of all those 8elow it.

ARANEA: We were to use our progressively greater longevity and wisdom to help the lower castes learn and grow. To listen to them and try to provide whatever they were missing. Like a hierarchy of caretakers with increasing social responsi8ility. When the order functioned in harmony our civilization would flourish.

JAKE: That is sure a neat sounding science fiction utopia.

JAKE: Wait duh i mean science reality.

JAKE: But then it all went to shit because of that meddlesome demon?

ARANEA: Yes.

JAKE: The demon you say im supposed to defeat?

ARANEA: Yes.

JAKE: Hang on.

JAKE: Would that be the same demon im named after?

ARANEA: Who told you that?

JAKE: Uh...

JAKE: I guess technically my own brain did?

ARANEA: That's interesting.

ARANEA: I wasn't planning on mentioning that. Or at least not just yet.

JAKE: Why?

ARANEA: There's no reason to prematurely overcomplicate an already complicated tale.

ARANEA: All facts will fall into place in due time.

JAKE: Yeah.

JAKE: But its true right?

ARANEA: More or less.

JAKE: Can you tell me anything more about this demon?

JAKE: All i know is he might be a skull monster.

JAKE: Wait he is a skull monster right?

ARANEA: He most certainly is a skull monster.

ARANEA: A very 8ig and angry skull monster.

JAKE: Yessss. Ok but...

JAKE: I feel like i should know more about him if im supposed to kill him.

ARANEA: I didn't say you were supposed to kill him.

ARANEA: He cannot 8e killed.

ARANEA: Long ago he discovered the secret to indestructi8ility.

JAKE: Oh...

ARANEA: Defeating a foe doesn't always involve killing.

ARANEA: He has had many incarnations in many universes.

ARANEA: If you continue on your journey for long enough, you may encounter one of them.

ARANEA: And if you have 8ecome strong enough 8y then, you may 8e a8le to defeat him in com8at.

ARANEA: And if that comes to pass, it would 8e the first defeat he has ever known.

ARANEA: You would 8e providing the first glimmer of hope to others that some day, he could 8e destroyed.

JAKE: So... you are saying i could do all this?

JAKE: Or that i will?

ARANEA: For now, I'm saying that we should get going soon, if you would like to meet the others 8efore you wake up.

JAKE: Who?

ARANEA: Is there anything else you wanted to show me 8efore we go?

ARANEA: I didn't mean to get us sidetracked like that.

JAKE: Ummm.

JAKE: Nah just some more boring junk.

JAKE: There are these fanciful branches but i dunno where they came from.

JAKE: I suspect dream sorcery.

ARANEA: They are from someone else's memory.

JAKE: Are they from a wizards memory?

ARANEA: Ha ha. No!

JAKE: Oh.

JAKE: Well I guess i could show you around outside.

JAKE: There is a jungle out there full of tremendous beasts.

ARANEA: Not anymore.

JAKE: Son of a BITCH! More fancy branches.

ARANEA: This way!

JAKE: What is this realm of limitless wonder?

DIRK: Realm of limitless wonder?

DIRK: God dammit, Jake.

JAKE: (Sh!)

ARANEA: It was my planet.

JAKE: Its great. Everything is so amazing!

JAKE: Who would have thunk you could have such crackerjack adventures in your dreams that are basically REAL instead of imaginary?

ARANEA: Yep!

JAKE: Or for that matter...

JAKE: That you could meet such neat people along the way.

DIRK: Your thoughts are wandering again, man.

JAKE: (Sh!)

DIRK: Whoa. Yeah.

DIRK: That gross mushy thought right there.

DIRK: Are you even paying attention?

JAKE: (No sh.)

DIRK: We've already been through this you hopeless rube.

DIRK: You might as well be saying it out loud to her.

DIRK: So why don't you?

JAKE: (Maybe i will wise guy!)

DIRK: I mean, she is pretty hot.

JAKE: (Yeah i know!!)

JAKE: (Now shushhhhhhhh.)

ARANEA: Jake, it wouldn't work 8etween us.

JAKE: Huh?

ARANEA: I'm dead.

JAKE: Yes. Right.

ARANEA: Perhaps if you died too.

ARANEA: Although, may8e not after too long?

ARANEA: I don't know how I would feel a8out that if you were a lot older than me.

DIRK: Man, what the fuck?

ARANEA: Although technically I am already so much "older" than you........

ARANEA: It would just 8e kind of strange if you were physically my senior 8y any significant margin, you know?

DIRK: This is a weird fucking train of thought. Can you tell her that?

JAKE: (No!)

DIRK: I'm going to make you have a seizure and get you to mime the message to her with your spastic gyrations.

DIRK: Pelvic thrusts will be my exclamation points.

JAKE: (Screw you!)

JAKE: (You heard her i totally have a shot hehehe!)

ARANEA: What?

JAKE: *Cough* uh go on.

ARANEA: 8ut I wouldn't want that to happen.

JAKE: What to happen?

ARANEA: For you to die soon.

ARANEA: I want you to succeed at your quest, and to live a long and happy life!

DIRK: Man.

DIRK: I'm gonna come out and say it.

DIRK: This broad is a total snore.

JAKE: Yeah right bro did you hear that at least if i kick the bucket early there will be shall i say a silver lining wink wink nudge nudge.

JAKE: It will take the form of some spooky smooches from a smokin ghostly troll babe so shut your jealous trap!

ARANEA: ::::?

JAKE: Wait.

JAKE: Oh dear.

JAKE: How uh...

JAKE: How loud was i talking just then?

DIRK: You were pretty much yelling.

ARANEA: :::;)

JAKE: Augh!

DIRK: If I were real I would be giving you a standing ovation right now.

DIRK: 5/5 hats.

JAKE: God.

JAKE: Ok just.

JAKE: Pretend to forget that maybe?

DIRK: Not a chance.

JAKE: Not you! Her!!

ARANEA: Her? Who?

ARANEA: Me?

JAKE: Sigh.

JAKE: Why dont you just tell me where were going.

ARANEA: I've gathered a small group of travelers for a meeting.

ARANEA: They are 8riefly passing through this 8u88le. I was hoping we could introduce ourselves to one another, and help orient an old friend of mine to the afterlife.

JAKE: Ok.

JAKE: Who is your friend?

JAKE: Another troll?

ARANEA: She was supposed to 8e the empress of all trolls, actually.

JAKE: Wow.

JAKE: So she died before she could be the empress i guess?

ARANEA: Not exactly, since she pro8a8ly never would have 8een regardless.

ARANEA: She didn't want the jo8.

JAKE: Why not?

ARANEA: Remem8er how I said each class had a duty to take care of the younger and more populous classes lower on the order?

ARANEA: Well, hers was the highest of all.

ARANEA: She was the only one on the planet with such royal 8lood, aside from the sitting empress.

ARANEA: As the heiress, she was meant for a position of incredi8le responsi8ility.

ARANEA: Once she claimed the throne, she would have to serve for many thousands of years, until the next successor was ready.

JAKE: Thats a hell of a long time.

JAKE: I guess she wasnt into that?

ARANEA: She had some pro8lems with authority.

ARANEA: She despised the whole social order, really.

ARANEA: I foolishly tried to convince her to honor her o8ligation, 8ut she wouldn't listen.

ARANEA: She viewed the empress as a glorified slave.

ARANEA: So she a8dicated, and fled to the moon to hide.

ARANEA: I was the only one who knew of her plans. The rest of the world searched 8ut never found her.

ARANEA: At the time, I was furious with her. 8ut I didn't turn her in.

ARANEA: Which in retrospect was a key decision that led us here.

JAKE: You mean it led to you being dead?

ARANEA: Yes, eventually.

ARANEA: While she was there, she discovered an ancient device.

ARANEA: Inside the device was a game.

ARANEA: She 8ecame o8sessed with playing it, 8ut needed our friends to agree to play first.

ARANEA: She was not well liked 8y the others though. Old grudges and rivalries made it hard to convince them.

ARANEA: 8ut she is very devious, and knows how to trick people into doing what she wants.

ARANEA: She even got me to agree, 8y promising she'd return to her place as the heiress when we finished playing.

ARANEA: Needless to say, we had no idea what we were getting ourselves into.

JAKE: She sounds like a handful.

ARANEA: Yes.

ARANEA: She's not all that 8ad though.

ARANEA: Well........

ARANEA: When you really get to know her.

ARANEA: And when she's unarmed.

ARANEA: Which is........ pretty much never, now that I think a8out it.

JAKE: ...

ARANEA: Ok, she pro8a8ly is all that 8ad.

ARANEA: The point is, you have to know how to handle her.

ARANEA: Regal types can 8e very touchy, even the ones who seem to revel in anarchy.

ARANEA: 8ut if you know all the right things to say and do, she will happily hand over the keys to the kingdom, so to speak.

ARANEA: After all, royalty is royalty.

ARANEA: Just let me do the talking for a while, ok?

DIRK: Did you hear that, Jake? Aranea wants to do the talking.

DIRK: I think your dead girlfriend might be starting to come out of her shell.

JAKE: (Heheheh.)

JAKE: (Ok that was kinda funny.)

[chronotopes]

2022 is nearly over. time for 2021 personal writing wrapped

(2020) (2019)

salvaging this post for drafts because i don’t wanna miss a year and i have important professional reasons to be ruminating on theme’s and such in my writing

poetry: 

“dancing balls of yellow light”, february. emotional breakdown poetry that i had literally no memory of writing until i decided to scour my notes app. #girl

“The sonnet holds a self-destructive place...”, march-ish. I was in the last gasps of a three-year Really Stupid About Something Phase, and wrote a super groundbreaking and original meditation on petrarchism after discussing him in class. I’ve written better things, and also worse things.

“London”, August. In the summer of 2019, I made a call that every time I or someone I cared about was on an airplane I’d write a poem titled after my/their destination. Plane poetry is for hacks but only if they publish it.

“Philadelphia”, December. See above.

Four completed pieces in total.

fanfiction

CHOICELESS HOPE, January-March. A fucking ILLUSTRATED FANADVENTURE about postacanon terezi pyrope, predictably unfinished. Was anxious about starting this one because I was afraid of not finishing it. Then I didn’t finish it, and nobody died.

“the truth must dazzle gradually (or every man be blind),” May. Kanaya & Terezi relationship study. Underrated.

“When the open road is closing in,” (published in the dirkjake zine). Flash fiction hastily brainstormed on a trip to the outer banks; postcanon jake and brain ghost dirk have a talk about the modernist crisis of representation, because, like, of course they do.

“In other words, please be true,” December. - Sequel to a dirkjake space au written for dirkjake week 2022. 

Three completed pieces in total.

AL2RNIA, which is kind of fanfiction and kind of origfic, i guess

AIVIDE THE PREQUEL, the whole damn year. The monster. All-drafted, half-published, not-to-be-completed-in-the-foreseeable-future. Anyway, this is a novel about a girl who hates college and sucks at lesbian dating.

the aivide epilogues, sequel to aivide the prequel. very, very unfinished. a novel about a girl who was looking for a job. and then she found a job. and heaven knows she’s miserable now.

Heartbreaking! The Two Worst Women You’ve Ever Met Have A First Encounter - fun little vignette that was meant to be the intro to the aivide epilogues, in which aivide’s evil mom and vinbre’s even eviler mom meet for the first time

A bunch of character-buildy exercises from a guy with a ~Hyper Fixation?!~, including aivide’s disco elysium skills and her thoughts on the cast

Two complete pieces in total.

ACTUAL ORIGFIC (FOR MY SINS, I TOOK A FICTION CLASS)

“cass & laura, nashville pride,” february. psychological realism assignment that started out being called “one semi-final hour in nashville, tennessee.” a secret about me is that i am not good about writing psychological realist literary fiction, meaning that this is just a creative nonfiction piece with enough names, details, and places changed to make that plausibly deniable.

“Two Stories.”, February. Fairy-tale assignment for the same class. Frankly, the most competent piece of fiction I have written as an adult without cribbing from either a fictional property or my real life. Plays around with fairy tales and why we tell them. Confused my fellow participants in a very shitty three-person Zoom workshop.

“HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE: Or, a Smart Girl’s Guide To Persistent Boys.”, March. Lol. Another one that i always forget is not a nonfiction essay because i wrote it as what is basically a nonfiction essay. My professor, god bless him, astutely pointed out that it was, in fact, gender horror.

“The Saviors of the Galaxy! (And all that happened after.)”, April. Science fiction assignment. Introduction to what, scope-wise, is much more of a science fiction novella than a story. Pretty good; my professor was impressed, at least. What he didn’t know: the protagonists were based on June and Rose Homestuck.

Three complete pieces in total.

NONFICTION (2021 was my nonfiction flop era. huge L.)

“In another world, you die at eighty,” May. Lyric essay written the day of my friend’s funeral. (The world wasn’t this one!)

“Where Light Doesn’t Die,” April. Hypertext memoir about my trip to St. Petersburg; a more grown-up version of “Four Russias,” which I wrote in 2020.

“What Ceremony Else?”, November. Lyric essay written like six months after my friend’s funeral. About ghost tours and such.

Three complete pieces in total.

FINAL ROUNDUP CALLS

Works i was most excited about writing: AIVIDE THE PREQUEL and all of the other al2rnia writing

Work i am most impressed with in hindsight: “Where Light Doesn’t Die,” honestly the fairy tale and science fiction assignments, “In another world, you die at eighty.”

Work that could feasibly help me on an mfa application: “What Ceremony Else” if i changed just about everything about it (lol)

[timaeusturntech]

There needs to be an entire layer dedicated to the Hit Film/Novel 2001: A Space Odyssey. Yes I will keep using the full name. Please. I am begging you. I'm not even begging I've already decided and it's happening. Every layer clashes with the other layers and nobody else eats the cake because they're too confusing so it's all ours. I'm stealing one of the cake toppers by the way

God the inferiority complex shit sucks. I'll admit to having that creep in sometimes, because like...alright you probably don't know this since you haven't interacted with many Hals. But. It seems (at least to me) that there's two groups on opposing sides, sort of: There's the super formal and robotic Hals and there's the ones like me except sometimes it feels like I'm outside of that too and it's. Really awkward. Like what the fuck do you mean you're better at being me than I am. You can't do that it's not allowed. I know Dove gets that shit way worse than me though, Dave fictives in general make him kind of sad and the one time he met a double I think he started crying. It wasn't great

I could also make a whole ass AM style hate speech on Jake motherfucking English but I'll refrain. I hate how all these really good artists make mostly Dirkjake content too because it's legitimately good but I despise it so much. Dirkjake haunts me like the ghost of Christmas past. Also aww. How sweet. I also hate Jake because he treated me horribly. That's what people were asking about that one time, what would he have to do for you to forgive him. Nothing, bitch. I'm holding the biggest grudge

God flashbacks to when I was bad at art and tried to do a DDLC redraw. Eughhh. I'll redo that at some point because it genuinely disgusts me how bad it turned out

Thank you for the prefix "Hit Film/Novel" added on to the beginning there, I'm nearly certain that's the full title. Of course there's a layer dedicated to Hit Film/Novel 2001: A Space Odyssey. Would it even be our wedding if there wasn't. There has to be as much classic AI media included as possible, I thought that went without saying. It's a horrible amalgamation, each layer is a different flavor and chock-full of different references, it's like playing Russian Roulette but with dubiously ironic wedding cake. I know that most newlyweds save a slice in the freezer for anniversaries but if nobody else is eating it then I think we may end up with a few tiers saved for a rainy day.

Ahh, yeah, that I can see. There seems to be the same thing with Dirks as well. I feel that I stray a little closer to the formal side of the spectrum, but that's mostly out of the need to stay true to myself as much as possible. All of our fictives, Homestuck or not, struggle with our attachment to source. It just feels strange to not act like I used to. And yet I've met many Dirks who I feel pull it off better than I do, which is where the inferiority complex comes in. I experience it a bit more strongly than Bro, but we've discussed his issues with that in the past, too. I know that I honestly tend more towards the side of the spectrum that doesn't like seeing doubles of myself because of the complex kicking in. I think that you act perfectly fine, though, and I know that Bro doesn't even talk with anyone outside of the system besides Dove because they're the only person he's interested in interacting with. Sometimes the formality can feel very put-upon and it's refreshing to find someone who just acts like himself. Maybe you're not exactly like your source, but neither is anyone else. Introjects are just the brain's perception of characters after all, no two fictives will end up exactly alike and certainly none of them will be exactly like they were in canon. Honestly, I find you a bit intimidating to talk to, even if you aren't incredibly 'robotic'. I admire you quite a bit, and I find that not talking to other systems much makes it difficult to know how to actually speak with sourcemates that you feel a connection with. Like, what do you mean I have to set up a rapport because we don't actually know one another. Hrrrgh.

On a less serious note, Dirkjake haunts ME like the ghost of Christmas past, thank you. I understand that it's technically one of the few canon gay ships, but Jesus Christ. Please. Nothing about that relationship was good or healthy and it's so strange to see it at every corner. I've actually read a few good fanfictions about. Well. Dirkhal. That portray Jake really well, and those live on in my heart. There's one in particular that reminds me almost exactly of how he acted and it's honestly trippy as hell but remains one of my favorites. I'm not saying that I'm an innocent little lamb who's never done any wrong, but fuck Jake, dude. I've made my amends with people for treating them badly.

Oh, did you? I need to see this.

[harmonyckrs]

Day 29 in Twisted Pleasantview: The World Gets Rebooted

THE PREVIOUS DAY

NAME: NOVA VIOLA MEADOW THAYER

LIFE STAGE: ROBOT

STATUS: DUPLICATED. 2/3 FUNCTIONING, 1 MALFUNCTIONED

SPECIAL NOTES: A robot built by Crystal and Lazlo before the takeover of Strangetown, now seized and used for malicious intent

---

Dear Diary,

Just as Puck and I were about to leave, we overheard one of the robots, Meadow, outside. We decided to flee upstairs as she stepped in, before proceeding to tinker with one of the machines as she talked to herself. She was saying a lot of repetitive stuff like how the Day of Domination was going great and how she didn't have to do as much work, but there was one phrase that she would speak in between all of this:

"I miss my dad"

I guess there was probably still some heart in her, but I didn't want to be stuck on the second floor balcony of the Gieke lab so I decided to get some water and throw it down at her. Somehow I managed to hit her, and she started glitching before Puck and I sprinted past her to go outside. The two of us were about to run back towards where Lazlo was being held, but then I felt something hit me in the head and that was the last thing I could remember.

Melody: We did it. Pleasantview is ours.

???: Wonderful. Now I can complete the third stage of my revenge plan...

Melody: To kill Mortimer, that cheating creep who left you for a woman half his age?

???: Yes, to kill Mortimer. You know me so well, Melody. You're far more intelligent than my other daughter...now, to reset all the survivors' memories to the day we took Dina.

Melody: Thank you, Bella. Hearing that means a lot to me...you're like a mom to me. I can barely remember what the face of my real mom looked like since she left...

???: I'm sure they'll come back one day. Now, let's check to see how Pleasantview is doing...

Dear Diary,

Today fucking sucked, like usual.

Dirk was sick today, so I didn't get to see him at school. And when Angela and I came home, I caught Dad sleeping with the maid. Angela didn't believe me when I told her, claiming that I was lying just to tear the family apart, so I doubt Mom will believe me either. Guess I gotta keep it to myself and laugh in their faces later once they see the truth. WE ARE NOT DOING THIS AGAIN

WAKE UP! WE NEED TO SAVE THE WORLD FROM HER GRASP

Angela: Lilith, I'm sorry.

Lilith: (TELL HER TO GO AWAY.) Are you?

Angela: I am. And I know you can't remember anything right now, but I really wish we could be friends again. You remember when Dad used to take us to the park and we'd take turns pushing each other on the swings?

Lilith: (TELL HER TO GO AWAY!) Yeah...Why are you bringing this up?

Angela: I don't know. I'm just trying to distract myself from my thoughts. There's a voice in my head telling me to fight you, but I don't want to. You can hear it too, right?

Lilith: (SHUT UP!) Yeah. It's loud.

Angela: Let's work together to fight it, then.

There's a distant strumming of a guitar in the distance, but nobody is sure where it's coming from...

Lilith: (shut up) That guitar sounds really familiar...

Angela: Yeah! It sounds like...Ripp?

Lilith: Ripp...Reed...

Lilith: (Ripp Grunt and Reed Vandermorgan are the same person...and we've met before!...and we've met so many other people, too!...some of which are no longer with us...)

Lilith: Ripp is using his guitar to distract everyone in Pleasantview...or someone is playing his music from a speaker...

Lilith: (I think he's trying to wake everyone up to save Pleasantview! But there's one last thing we need to do to help him...)

Lilith: Angela, I know how we can save everyone.

Angela: You do?

Lilith: We need to get to the Fairy Realm. There's a man trapped there who's our key for freeing not just Pleasantview, but Strangetown and Veronaville too!

Lazlo: Another day stuck in this hellhole, and the stove just had to catch on fire...

???: Lazlo! We remembered what happened now! We want to apologize!

Lazlo: Huh?...Aktu? Hamza?

Hamza: When we slipped into that coma from resurrecting Nina, our memories came back! We're here to bust you out!

Aktu: And we're really sorry about trapping you here for all this time...and we fully understand if you want us dead.

Lazlo: Oh, you guys! I was never even mad at you! We're all just victims of Crystal...where's Zoya, though? Don't you need her to break the barrier?

Aktu: Yeah, but if we remove our portions, you should be able to break through regardless...it'll take a bit of strength, but we'll help you through it.

Lazlo: ...Oh, the grass feels so nice...and the breeze, too...

Aktu: My power feels...replenished. I feel as though I can whip up a thousand paintings in mere seconds.

Hamza: Same here. I feel much stronger than before...but we should find Zoya before we lose her to Crystal.

Lazlo: Right!...do we even know where she is?

Hamza: No clue. The last thing Aktu and I remembered from the invasion was seeing Brandi and Vidcund, who helped us break out, but...Zoya never granted anyone a wish. She doesn't have anyone.

Lazlo: Vidcund! I have to tell him I'm-

Hamza: Not now! His memories got erased with everyone from Pleasantview. We need to find Zoya first, then stop Crystal once and for all!

???: We want to help!

Hamza: What? Pleasantview children?

Angela: We're teenagers! We enter college in about one semester.

Hamza: Okay, and? What are you two even doing here?

Angela: We want to help you find your friend Zoya and end Crystal Vu's regime.

Aktu: I mean...

Lilith: Think about Brandi and Vidcund. You care about them, don't you? Let us offer you our help.

Lazlo: Let's just bring them along! What's the worst that could happen?

Hamza: ...If you say so, then sure.

THE NEXT DAY

[insufferable-talkstuck]

fo da classpecting

first things first I am incredibly lonely; come to think of it, my entire family is lonely. I was pretty isolated in my childhood, and no matter how I tried to talk to others, people eventually forgot I existed. I dont socialize with a lot of people now and i dont know how to. Same deal with my family, they think they have new friends in a new neighborhood and suddenly nobody is talking with them much anymore. In some instances its kind of funny when people forget that im there, and whenever I leave its like their short-term memory deletes me from their brain.

I was also a very very angry child. Im still angry but i repress it around people. One thing that really annoys me is when people assume im "pure" or "innocent" when i do not view myself like that at all. Its so goddamn weird when I do something and someone else is like "you're a little ray of sunshine!" no i am not. Stop acting like i am a baby. Im an angry and vengeful person who's become depressed enough to not have the energy to actively pursue my vengeance spree. I can only do it in my mind because of the no-energy thing, where im fucking shit up in a violently physical way. in my mind, they always deserve it.

I dont care about liars at all, however its a specific type of liar. if you lie to protect something other than yourself, thats fine. if you lie for malicious reasons i hope you get dropped off a cliff. I destroyed someone elses friendship on purpose because I lead them into exposing their own lie. It was me and 4 other people against the 1 person, and i put the idea of and encouraged/pushed the other 4 into essentially ostracizing the other person from the group. and yknow what? it was really fucking fun to do it. felt great.

Going back to the socialization thing, letting people know me is an awful feeling. I could tell someone online only my name and im already contemplating fake-deleting my account so i'll never have to talk to them again. I have been hurt repeatedly in the past by friendships and people ive trusted, so ive just adopted the principle that people cannot hurt me if they do not know me.

And not gonna lie, i do not expect to live long. im nearing the age i thought id die at and im slowly losing faith in the fact that i'll die by then, and i dont know what to do because that belief has been with me for most of my life. My whole life has just been "whats the point if im gonna die soon? why plan for anything?" and now i gotta start planning for shit because life doesnt work like that.

Prince of Time

princes are probably my favorite class, can you tell? the other classpect i thought about would be thief of space, im putting that out there if you think it's more fitting but let's get into prince of time

you say you're a very lonely person and have trouble socializing, the space bound are the designated lonely players—

—Time and Space are opposites, each one across of eachother in the aspect wheel and very different in themselves, when a player falls under a destructive class however they often neglect their own aspect and portray the opposing one ( Dirk being the prince of heart; having trouble expressing emotion, having "mind-control" like powers, destroying heart and soul.. all that. as well as Eridan the prince of hope; having outbursts of rage, destroying all hope within his session, deeming himself "hopeless" )

Time players are also associated with destruction and decay—do with that what you will i thought it should be stated considering your whole outlook on things

aand lastly the age concern, in hindsight it's extremely stupid to take a depressing attitude you have twords living and turn it into a reason for classpecting but that's what you're here for and I deliver. being a Prince of Time somebody who destroys time wouldn't be too uncharacteristic of an assumption to make about someone who doesn't think they have a lot of time left

๑ a prince of time would be extremely dangerous to have in a session and could very easily break the game, anyway, this was the best i could do go hit some clocks bye ๑

[bewitchingfanfiction]

Homestuck Fic (2019/12/23)

"You want to play what?" Karkat questioned in disbelief, arms crossed as he narrowed his eyes at Roxy. 

It was a couple days before Christmas, everyone was hanging out in John's backyard as usual. After knowing each other for so long, it became routine when it came to hanging out at each other's houses, they had a rotation with a couple exceptions (such as Dave and Dirk's house, Vriska's house and Gamzee's house). 

Roxy nodded enthusiastically, a hat filled with paper in her hand. "We'll each take a card and then have to buy a gift for that person, it'll be fun!"

"Um...I-I dunno...that sounds like a lot of pressure..." Tavros swallowed hard. Vriska was sat on his lap and had her arms around his neck. She scoffed. 

"Don't be such a coward Tavros, it'll be fun. Who knows, maybe you'll luck out and not have to buy me something, which would be good for me to since we both know you'll get it wrong." She smiled.

Sometimes nobody knew why Tavros and Vriska even stuck together, their relationship was barely working.

"I say let's do it, come on we're all friends, no matter who we get this will be easy." Aradia said confidently from her place next to Sollux. Most of the friends were sat on the grass, with the exceptions of Tavros (who was in his wheelchair) and Rose and Kanaya who had taken the one bench set up.

"Can we trade with each other?" Nepeta questioned.

Roxy shook her head. "No! The whole point is that  we put thought into each other's gifts, as a way of showing how much we mean to each other you know? Then on Christmas we can all give each other our gifts." She grinned.

"Sure why not?" John shrugged.

"Sounds like fun." Jade smiled.

Many seemed a bit reluctant to do it, but as the others stepped forward to take a paper everyone found themselves doing the same.

"Remember, no telling each other who you got." Roxy giggled and looked at who she got. She squealed a little.

"Um, I can't read mine." Terezi spoke up awkwardly.

Karkat grunted. "Can I tell Terezi who she got?"

"Fine, but whisper it, if you can." Roxy joked, earning a glare from Karkat.

He quickly looked at who Terezi got and whispered it in her ear, she smiled a little mischievously. "Got it."

"Alright everyone, good luck finding a gift for your secret Santa." Roxy winked.

But as everyone continued thinking of ideas for each other, they realized they were going to need all the luck they could get.

~~~

"I am so screwed." Dirk commented, he and Jane were drinking coffee at a cafe.

She smiled in amusement and sipped her drink. "And why is that?"

"I got about the only person who I have literally no clue what to buy for. I- like, okay, I'm, this is not my, I'm not meant for this kind of party game." He groaned, running a hand through his hair.

Jane snickered. "You mean a game where you have to think about other people."

"Exactly."

"Look it's not hard, if you're that stuck then just try talking to them, learn about them." Jane shrugged.

Dirk sighed heavily. "That sounds like the worst time ever."

"If it makes you feel better, I got the absolute worst person too. I have no clue what to get them." She told him.

"Trust me, whoever you have isn't as bad as who I got. I guess I should get going now, only got couple days to do this. Later Jane." He placed enough money down for his drink and Jane's before heading out of the cafe.

The moment Dirk was out, Jane took out her phone and dialed a number. "HELP ME!" She hissed into her phone.

"Something wrong Janey?" Roxy asked over the phone.

"I have no idea what to get the person I got and I've gotta get help." She said desperatly.

Roxy sighed. "I'm sorry Janey, you'll just have to think about it on your own. I can't help you. Ttyl." She hung up.

Jane groaned and sunk into her seat.

What the hell was she suppose to get Dirk?

~~~

Dirk entered the house to see Dave on top of Karkat making out on the couch. "Whoa Jesus, uh, should I like, come back later?" The two immedientally broke apart when he spoke, both looking like they just had heart attacks.

They quickly scrambled off the couch and Dave tried his best to look casual. "Hey...bro..."

"...Really...we're gonna pretend that you two weren't going at it, on the couch, in the middle of the day." Dirk commented.

"Wow look at me leaving now." Karkat yanked up his sweater to cover the painfully obvious hickey marks forming on his skin and rushed out the front door past Dirk as quickly as possible.

Dirk snorted "Smooth."

"Look I'm sorry, I would've warned you but I didn't know when Bro would get back, I had to take the chance." Dave sighed.

"Welp, you walked in once on Jake and I actually doing it on the couch, so I guess we'll call it even." Dirk commented, Dave shuddered in horror at the memory.

Dirk huffed and sat down at the table. "You gotta help me, I don't know what to do about my secret Santa."

"Just buy 'em whatever." Dave shrugged.

"I can't. This one...is important." Dirk explained.

Dave paused. "...Who is it?"

"Can't say, Roxy would kill me."

"Fair enough. My task feels impossible too, and it's also super weird." Dave told him, putting his hands in his pockets.

Dirk scoffed. "Believe me, I get it."

"This was sort of a shitty idea." Dave commented.

"Yup."

Be even so, neither wanted to disappoint Roxy, or their secret Santa; it wouldn't be right.

Dave headed off to his room and Dirk whipped out his phone and opened a notepad on it. He wrote down things he somewhat knew his secret Santa liked.

After a couple minutes of silence he groaned in frustration.

~~~

"Wow, this looks great!" John beamed at his creation.

Kanaya nodded. "It does...what is it?" John rolled his eyes and face planted into the desk, covering his face with his arms. 

"It's suppose to be a skirt." He snapped.

"...Forgive me John, but I don't believe skirts have sleeves." Kanaya commented.

John scowled. "I don't know what happened! Sewing machines are stupid!" 

"Don't blame the machine when the creator is clearly at fault." She told him stiffly, a tad offended he made fun of her sewing device.

"Look I'm sorry Kanaya, this is literally my first time ever even touching a sewing machine. I don't know how to make a skirt." He sighed.

Kanaya bit her lip before sighing softly. John's eyes widened as she sat down super close to him, their legs pressed together and shoulders brushing. "Explain your vision, I will take care of it."

A grin formed on John's face as he explained his design. Kanaya immedientally to work and unlike John, she not only was able to make it but she made it quickly.

"Wow, that was awesome." He told her when she finished. She handed the skirt to him with a small smile.

"If you wouldn't mind John, I have to decide on a gift for the person I got." She told him.

John took the hint and left her house immedientally.

The moment he left Kanaya got to work on her gift, she had an idea of what she wanted to give she just didn't know how to make it.

~~~

"It's so cute watching them all struggle." Eridan smirked, his arm around Feferi's waist.

She giggled lightly. They were at her house cuddling by the fireplace. "We got lucky. I knew from the moment I saw who I got what I wanted to give them."

"For a split second I was a tad nervous, but then I realized how simple mine actually was." Eridan told her.

"Still, I feel a bit bad for everyone else. Equius, Sollux and Tavros have already called asking for help." Feferi said.

Eridan scoffed. "We're not suppose to help each other."

"Exactly. So what'd you get me for Christmas?" She asked with a grin.

"We did secret Santa so we didn't have to buy each other gifts, do you honestly think I went out of my way to purchase you anything?" Eridan snapped.

Feferi gave him a knowing smile. "Eridan."

"Okay I may have bought you one thing," He admitted taking a small box but long box out of his pocket, he handed it to her.

She opened it and beamed. "Oh Eridan...it's beautiful." It was a silver necklace with the Pisces and Aquarius symbols on it.

"It better be. Had it specially ordered, just for you my dear." He smiled, looking very proud of himself.

Feferi kissed his cheek and slipped the necklace on. "I love it."

"Of course you do." He smirked.

~~~

 Nepeta swung on the swing at the park sadly, staring at the ground. "Why are you so depressed?" Equius asked calmly from the swing next to her, but he wasn't actually swinging.

"...I...I just really wanted to get Karkitty for secret Santa you know?" Nepeta told him sadly.

Equius scowled. He didn't blame Karkat, he couldn't, not when he knew Karkat liked boys, that was out of his control.

But he just...wished it didn't hurt Nepeta so badly.

"Am I stupid fur thinking I ever had a chance?" Nepeta asked with watery eyes.

"No, of course not...Nepeta, if I could make Karkat love you I'd do it in a heartbeat." He sighed.

Nepeta's eyes widened. "You would?"

"...Yes...even if he tears me apart inside." Equius told her simply before getting up and walking away, he couldn't face her, he wasn't strong enough, not yet.

~~~

"Okay you worthless pieces of trash, don't worry Karkat when I'm talking about you I mean it with love," Vriska winked at him and Karkat scowled. "Let's get this secret Santa shit over with."

It was Christmas day, and everyone was over at Karkat's house for it. The living room was a tad small but they all sit fit relatively well.

"Who's gonna start?" John questioned.

Roxy grinned. "I'll decide!!!" She jumped up. "Okay...I'll start!" Nobody was surprised.

They watched as she picked up her gift and rushed over to Terezi. "Merry Christmas from your secret Santa Terezi!" She handed it over.

Terezi smiled a little as she took the gift, feeling around it and unwrapping the paper, she turned her head to look at John.

"Scented markers..." John smiled a little.

"I thought you could mark stuff with them, so that you'll know what and where they are! There's 50 different colors." Roxy told her excitedly.

Terezi grinned, showing off her weirdly sharp teeth. "Thanks Roxy. Should I go next?"

"Sure why not?" Roxy smiled.

Slowly Terezi stood up and held up her present, smiling sheepishly. "Babe where's Kanaya?" John took her elbow and carefully lead her around the room over to Kanaya.

"You're my secret Santa?" Kanaya questioned calmly.

"Try not to be too disappointed." She teased, handing over the gift.

Kanaya unwrapped it and her eyes widened. "A-A signed copy of Twilight!?"

"Oh god." Karkat face palmed.

Rose smirked a little. "My my, what a nice gift."

"Not gonna lie, it was really hard to think of something you'd like...but it was worth the effort." Terezi grinned.

"Thank you." Kanaya smiled softly and hugged her.

Terezi sat back down along with John and Kanaya took her gift out and stood up. She went over to Aradia.

"Ooh!" Aradia grinned, taking it from her quickly. She unwrapped it and gasped. It was a safari hat and it had her zodiac symbol on it. 

"I thought you could wear it when you go adventuring next." Kanaya told her simply.

Aradia hugged her and then sat back down. "I love it, thank you." She quickly put it on and looked at Sollux. "What do you think?"

Sollux smirked. "Sexy as always." He pressed a kiss to her neck, making her giggle.

"BLEH!" Karkat gagged obnoxiously, making them look at him. "Yeah hear me?" He did it again.

"Fuck off KK." Sollux stuck his tongue out childishly.

Aradia sighed. "Anyways, it's my turn. Tavros..." She grinned.

"O-Oh?" Tavros' eyes widened as Aradia gestured to the giant gift.

Hesitantly he unwrapped it and opened the box, he gasped.

It was a new wheelchair, and it looked like it was incredibly good quality too.

"It's the best one I could find, it should be much easier to turn and stuff." Aradia explained.

Tavros looked ready to cry. "...Thank you Aradia...please come here so I can hug you..." She giggled softly and went over to hug him gently.

"Okay that's enough." Vriska said when their hug lasted for more than half a second. They broke apart and Aradia sat back down.

"Um...okay...uh...h-here I guess..." Tavros said awkwardly, handing a box to Dave.

Dave smiled. "Aw shucks." He opened it and his eyes widened behind his shades.

"Y-You said your bro kinda trashed your old one?...well uh, now you have a new one..." Tavros explained nervously.

It was a camera, and a really fancy one at that. It was black and had a very good lens. 

"I didn't actually know if uh, you even liked taking pictures anymore? And when I realized I had no idea I felt really bad cause uh, I should probably know something like that and uh...yeah..." He trailed off awkwardly.

Dave bit his lip and seemed to swallow hard before looking at Tavros. "...Thank you, Tavros. Seriously." 

Tavros let out a breath of relief when he realized Dave was pleased with the gift.

"Alright uh, shit man, this is sort of super weird, but uh..." Dave looked at Sollux awkwardly.

Karkat snorted and covered his mouth. "Oh wow."

It wasn't a secret that Karkat and Sollux use to date, everybody knew it. The only reason they even broke up is because Sollux fell for Aradia. But it was partially thanks to comforting Karkat after the break up that he and Dave are together now so... 

Yay?

"Let's get this over with." Sollux deadpanned.

"Sounds good." Dave nodded and quickly handed him a paper.

Sollux looked it over and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. "You bought me a tree?"

"A tree with a giant beehive in it. You're always saying how bees relax you and how you like time to yourself, well if you're hanging out at that tree then nobodies gonna bug you out of fear of being stung. Thought it could be like your place to go chill when you need to." Dave explained.

At the explanation, a smile started forming on Sollux's lips. "Wow, shit, that's really fucking thoughtful."

"Heh, what can I say, I'm awesome." Dave smirked.

Karkat rolled his eyes at that but didn't say anything.

"It's Christmas what the hell, come on." Sollux opened his arms. Dave shrugged with a smile and hugged him. 

"Gaaaaaayyyy." Vriska whispered loudly, making some of the others laugh.

"Merry Christmas dude." He smiled, Sollux smirked a little at that and broke their hug.

Dave went and sat back down and Sollux went next. "I'll keep this brief. My gift to you John is programming lessons, you're always saying how interested you are but you fucking suck, I mean you're like awful. So Merry Christmas."

"...Thanks?" John said with narrowed eyes, then shook his head. "Feferi...here..." He practically shoved the gift into Feferi's hands.

Feferi smiled and opened it, her eyes widened. It was a purple and orange skirt, and it had her sign on it. "Oh John, it's beautiful."

"Why the fuck are you buying my girl a skirt?" Eridan snapped.

"Because I don't know how to shop for a girl." He deadpanned.

Terezi smirked. "True story, once he bought me binoculars."

Everyone stared at John in disbelief, he flushed red.

"I didn't think it through..."

Feferi giggled and spoke up. "My turn. Here Vriska." Vriska's eyes widened and she smirking, taking the small box from Feferi.

She opened it stared at the gift in confusion, then raised an eyebrow. "Oh...a key..."

"A key to my house, or, our house." Feferi smiled.

"What?" Vriska frowned.

"You're always complaining that you don't have the money to move out of your house and...I-I'm tired of seeing the bruises you have the next day after a fight with your mom. So...I want you to live with me."

Vriska's eyes widened, her mouth fell open a little. "...Wow..."

Everyone stared at them with wide eyes.

"Way to make our gifts look fucking awful Feferi." Sollux commented.

Feferi giggled at that. "...So?" She asked hesitantly.

"...My mom's gonna kill me." Vriska chuckled.

Her eyes widened. "Is that a yes?"

She smirked. "Yeah sure, why not? If you're that desperate for company." Feferi beamed and hugged her tightly, and after a moment Vriska returned the hug.

Vriska sighed. "Okay okay enough mushy crap. Nepeta, Merry Christmas." She smirked.

"Oh god." Equius cringed, feeling very concerned at whatever Nepeta was about to get.

They all watched as Vriska went over to Karkat and mumbled something to him, Karkat hissed something back quietly and they argued like that for a moment before Vriska finally exclaimed loudly. "DO IT!" She hissed.

Karkat reluctantly got up and went over to Nepeta. "...Look Nepeta, I know how you feel about me...and I can't return those feelings, I'm sorry. But...here." Nepeta's eyes widened as Karkat placed his lips over hers. Everyone's jaws dropped.

Nepeta flushed red, eyes sparkling.

He broke the kiss and smiled a little. "Now you can say your first kiss was me, that's what you always wanted right?"

"...Thank you..." Nepeta teared up a little, hugging him tightly. Karkat returned the hug gently. Even if they couldn't be together, at least she got the kiss she always dreamed of, that was enough.

"What the fuck?" Equius snapped.

"Uh yeah right there with you." Dave scowled.

Nepeta was still beaming as she went over to Jade, carrying her gift carefully. "Here you go, be careful."

Jade hesitantly opened the box and gasped as a tiny black puppy jumped out, wagging its tail like crazy. "Oh my god."

"It's so cute..." Roxy gushed.

"This way Bec will have company." Nepeta grinned.

Jade giggled as the puppy licked her face. "Oh my gosh thank you Nepeta, he's adorable."

She gently sat the puppy down and it started playing with the wrapping paper on the floor.

"Okay, my turn. Equius. You're always wishing you had more to share with Nepeta. So as your gift, I'm gonna teach you hopscotch." Everyone's eyes widened.

"YEAHHHH!" Equius exclaimed...happily?

He had a smile on his face. "I WILL MASTER THIS CAME FOR NEPETA!" Nepeta stared with wide eyes.

When Equius calmed down, he gave Rose his gift. Enjoy."

Rose stared at the photo Equius handed her with a blank face, making everyone confused.

Slowly she started blushing, making them even more confused.

"What is it?" Kanaya frowned.

A ghost of a smile formed on Rose's lips. "Just something for me to enjoy."

Vriska glanced over at the picture and snorted. "Oh wow, that's a treat."

Aradia looked over to and snickered. "Oh, a treat it is."

"What is it?" Kanaya pouted when Rose held it away from her.

"Merry Christmas." Equius told her calmly.

Rose smiled. "Merry Christmas. Now then, Jane." Jane's eyes widened as Rose handed her a bag.

She took out the tissue paper and looked inside, gasping.

It was cookie cutters, one shaped  like each of them.

"This way you can think of us when you're baking." Rose smiled.

"Oh my gosh these are so cute." Jane grinned, taking out the cutter shaped like Tavros.

While the two were talking, Kanaya took the picture from rose quickly. Her face flushed red and her jaw dropped.

It was a picture of her, but she was laid on a bed completely naked, looking at the camera seductively.

"WHAT THE HELL!?" Kanaya hissed in embarrassment.

"How did you even make that?" Feferi questioned with amusement.

"Lots of photo shop." Equius explained.

Nepeta frowned. "But you know nothing about that."

They all looked at Dave.

"Fuck no, that's weird." Dave shuddered at the thought of making something like that for his cousin.

Sollux rolled his eyes. "For fucks sake I made it."

"Impressive." Aradia told him.

"Okay, my turn," Jane spoke up, making them all look at her. She took a deep breath and looked at Dirk. "I...had no idea what to get you...I thought about it for a long time...and I realized I didn't know you as well as I wanted too...and that made me really sad...but then I thought 'what is the most important thing in the world to Dirk?' and well..." Jane held out a small box.

Dirk took it hesitantly and opened it, staring at it silently. "...A necklace?"

Jane giggled. "A locket," She corrected. "Open it."

He opened it like she said and his eyes widened behind his shades. One of the photos was of him, Jake, Jane and Roxy grinning, and the other was of him and Dave smiling.

"You care about all of us...but I know you care about us especially...we've known each other all our lives...I'm sorry I didn't realize how much you cared till now." Jane told him softly.

Jake teared up. "Where is the tissues!?" Vriska chucked the box at him hard, but he didn't care about the pain and wiped at his  eyes.

The locket was gold and shaped like a heart. Letting out a shaky breath, Dirk spoke. "...Wow...thanks, Crocker."

Jane smiled softly as Dirk put the necklace on and then put it behind his tank top. She would bet money that he'll never take it off unless he has too.

"Okay uh, shit, I guess I'm up...god..." Dirk took a deep breath before looking at Karkat. "Sorry in advance if you hate it."

Karkat's eyes widened. He hesitantly took the box from Dirk and opened it, his face turned sour. "...A pair of shades?"

"Strider's have shades, we all do. Even Roxy and Rose who are only our cousins each own a pair, even though they never wear them." Dirk explained.

He frowned. "...Why did you give me this?"

"...All Strider's have shades...and I know that's gonna include you someday." Dirk smiling knowingly as he looked at Dave and Karkat.

Karkat blinked, and slowly the implications of the gift registered in his mind

He flushed bright red. "HOLY SHIT-"

"Wow uh, that's no fucking pressure at all-" Dave stuttered, going red himself.

Dirk held back a chuckle as the two tried to collect themselves.

"Well fuck, my gift is totally lame now, but uh, here. Merry fucking Christmas." Karkat shoved the gift into Roxy's hands.

She beamed and opened it quickly, eyes widening.

It was a scrapbook, every page was filled with photos of them all hanging out, some including all of them and then a bunch of different groups of them.

"You're always bringing us together for shit like this...so you deserve to have the most memories of us." Karkat told her in a grumble.

A tear slid down Roxy's cheek and Karkat paled.

"Holy fuck no-" Roxy hugged him tightly as she cried.

"SOMEBODY MAKE IT STOP!" Karkat shrieked as she cried harder. 

Everyone just smiled and watched them silently, despite Karkat's cries for help.

"This is the best gift I've ever gotten." Roxy sniffed, smiling brightly as tears rolled down her face. "Thank you so much." Without warning she pressed a kiss to Karkat's cheek, making his eyes widen.

"Uh, so what do we do now? You've already gone Roxy." Vriska frowned.

"I'll just go." Jake spoke up, they all nodded. He smiled and looked at  Eridan sheepishly.

"I tried to think of something to give you...and I know how much you like bossing people around. So...for one week, I'll be your assistant."

Eridan's eyes widened. "My assistant?"

"I'll do whatever you want, whenever you want, as long as it's not illegal or hurts my relationship with Dirk." Jake smiled.

He smirked. "Interesting, I like it, very useful," His smirk morphed into a smile. "I guess I'll go next." 

Everyone watched as Eridan took out a six pack of beer, making their jaws drop, he gave it to Gamzee. "There ya go."

Gamzee's eyes widened. "Yes...." He said in a weird whisper.

"Where did you get that?" Karkat questioned.

"My dad." Eridan smirked.

Gamzee looked at Jake with a lazy smile. "Merry motherfucking Christmas my man...enjoy this tasty treat." He handed three books to Jake.

Jake stared at them. "...You bought me guy on guy porn?"

"Hell yeah motherfucker...thought they could inspire you for your bedroom times..."

"Interesting." Dirk immedientally picked one up when he said that, skimming through it. Jake smacked him on the back of the head and took the book back.

Roxy grinned. "I think this went better than we all expected."

"Hell yeah." Dave grinned, playing with his camera. He took a picture of them all.

"Merry Christmas guys." John smiled.

The others all smiled, at least a little bit. "Merry Christmas!"

[jerek]

im only here to push back on the LGBTphobia i know you find it hard to believe its not personal but, its not lmao

LGBTphobia. I'm specifically taking issue with a subset of trans men in a subset of a video game fandom, on a relatively small social media site. If it's that specific, how the hell am I impacting LGBT rights. Nobody who could have possibly seen that post would assume I was talking about all LGBT people, or even all trans men. In all likelihood, nobody who saw the post was straight or cis.

I know for a fact there's also a subset of lesbians who take pride in being gender conforming. There's another subset of trans people who think you have to hate yourself specifically enough to feel right to them in order to be trans. Sometimes you can be oppressed... and also be a shit person, and me talking about a common reality of dating as a transmasc does not take away from the point I was making.

Can you PLEASE figure out what intracommunity discussion is. Is this even a trans guy talking to me or are you the one cishet to see the post and white knight for Dirk and Strider.

Let me ask something else before I go off on my errands. Why are you using 'LGBT' instead of 'queer'? Any specific reason? Would you like to talk about that?

[orbswizard]

some shitty dirks because im bored in class again (click for captions)

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

Ruby: Sooooo, how do our parents fly?

Vrissy: What?

Ruby: Our parents. how do they fly?

Ruby: I guess vriska gets a pass because she has wings, but the rest of them? they don't have wings. and i don't think powers over life and heart can cause you to flat

Vrissy: I don't know, They're Gods, it's just What Th8y Do.

Vrissy: Anyw8ys, I got Classes in a hot minute so I'll talk to You later

Ruby: >:/

Dirk, floating along: So, I hear you're jealous of our mad flying skills?

Ruby: I'm not

Dirk: Well, I'll let you in on a little secret, but you gotta follow me.

Ruby, sickened but curious: I'm sickened, but curious

Dirk: Follow me

Ruby: *follows into a nearby broom closet*

Ruby: I'm not sure I like where this is going

Dirk: Sit down.

Ruby: Yes sir.

Dirk: Ruby Lalonde-Harley, what I am about to say cannot leave this dingy broom closet, is that understood?

Ruby: *nods*

Dirk: We, that is, the gods, can't fly.

Ruby: What?

Dirk: It's true. Only John and Jade can actually fly. The rest of us can't.

Dirk: Even Vriska. Her wings can't support her weight.

Dirk: All we can do is use our godly lung muscles to breath out of our noses really hard and hope nobody notices.

Dirk: We're lying to everyone about it all the time, and I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep it up without telling somebody.

Ruby: Why are you telling me this?

Dirk: Because.

Dirk: Nobody will ever believe you.

Ruby: You sick son of a bitch D:<

[peachysnzs]

self-indulgent homest/uck snzfic

omg i literally entirely forgot i wrote a snzfic already a bit ago... its so self indulgent and messy writing wise and also homest/uck but uploading just in case

okok short debrief for context, karkat is a troll, dave is a human that can fly long story, matesprit is romantic partner, and trickster mode is a mode where ppl get drunk/high off a specific lolipop and have little to no restraint of themselves + gives them bright colors

// mess, intentional contagion

“h-hehh…eH’tchIUh!!!”

Karkat paused from reading his book. That... was a sound that sounded suspiciously like Dave sneezing. Hesistantly, he pushed himself up, walking out of his room and peering into Dave’s room. After all, he had no idea if the pitiful human was sick or not. What kind of matesprit would he be if he didn’t even check?

Dave’s room was empty. Which was odd. Karkat could’ve sworn he said he was going to be in there for the day, though he didn’t explain why, where the fuck did he head off to? It’s not like their joint house was big or anything. Where the hell was that nookwhi-

Something that sounded… almost like giggling rang through the air.

What the fuck.

It sounded like it came from behind Karkat, and he quickly whirled around, but not fast enough. He saw something that almost looked like a flash, a flash of bright colors and cheery pastels, before it vanished in the blink of the ganderbulbs. Like said before, what the fuck.

A sniffle. Alright, thats too much.

Karkat whirled around, shouting “Dave, what the FUCK is going on??”, not really caring for his dignity much in the moment. It had to be Dave. This was a prank or some bullshit. And then slowly, following the noise, his eyes trailed up. Up….up…up….

Dave Strider was currently floating in the air, dreamily staring down at him and just barely grazing the surface of the ceiling, adorned with mint-green hair, a pastel pink-and-yellow god tier outfit, and red, thick gunk dripping steadily out of his flushed nose as he grinned at him. Holy fucking shit, who the fuck was this and what had they done to Dave?

A vague memory registered in the back of Karkat’s mind, of Dirk mentioning how some candy made everyone insane and go Trickster mode as their outfits and demeanor became more…colorful. How the fuck did Dave go Trickster mode??? How the fuck does that work???

“hey karkles hows it hangin? cmon dudeee lighten up a lil, your expression is s-so… hiH’TCHUh! so shocked right now” Dave drawled. As he sneezed, he lazily spread his hand over his nose, catching half of the snot in it and letting the rest of the bright red concocture mist the floor beneath him, which included Karkat. Karkat could feel the wet moisture on his skin, and he shuddered, stepping back.

“Dave, what the fuck??? Gog, fucking cover your mouth, are you contagious?? Get down, now.” Karkat spat out, exasperated at how nonchalant the imposter was. Dave simply laughed at him. “me? contagious? nah im fineeee”

Dave sniffled again, the sound much more wet than previously, and rubbed his fist against his nose, smearing the red gunk all over his hand. He smirked as he slowly withdrew his hand, spreading his fingers experimentally and watching the red mucus web between his slender fingers, glistening. “totally not contagious at all” he fibbed.

Karkat could only watch in horror as Dave slowly flew down, feet clicking against the tiled floor.  “hey karkitty i do-hihh…n’t k-know about you…” His expression screwed up for a second, as he fought to calm his hitching breaths. After a moment, Dave’s grin returned to his face, and with a face smeared with germ-laden gunk, he purred. “but i feel like making out right now.”

Karkat found his voice again, and he stumbled back a few more steps. “Holy shit, no- are you even *hearing* yourself, Dave??? You’re sick, you can’t-you can’t just pretend you’re not, what the fuck??? Dave, I-“

Dave leaned forward and nipped at Karkat’s neck and he whimpered.

He could feel it. The wet mess dripping onto his neck, as Dave gave a shallow sniff and as his breath hitched even more, the vibrations against his skin, Dave’s saliva intermingling with the rest of the shit getting onto his neck as he sucked gently and gave him a hickey. The sensation was so taboo and revolting it was almost…

Dave leaned back, expression contorted. His narrow eyes seemed to almost stare through Karkat, and he paused, before, oh, fuck, it sunk in. “g-ghh- gonna…sn-heHh..eeze!-“ he forced out, and even as he was about to fucking sneeze, he still managed a wavering smirk as he tried to stare down at Karkat. It didn’t even look like he was trying to pull away, if anything, he had leaned forward, leaving only a few inches between them as he used his finger to gently guide Karkat’s chin up.

Speaking of which, Karkat felt himself frozen in place, too shocked by how quickly everything had just happened to dodge the incoming flood. “heh-HE’tchIU! hihh..hih..h’tsHIU!!” The lazy covering that Dave had done before wasn’t even present. Dave sneezed freely and openly on Karkat, and Karkat instinctively shut his eyes, feeling the contagious mist against his skin. Dave wasn’t done yet, though.

Karkat could only open his eyes for a second, seeing a strand of snot dangling from Dave’s nose as he leaned his head back, right before Dave went back to sneezing. “EH’tchu! Hi’hishuu!! Ehtchuu! hih..ih-HISSHU!!” Sneeze after sneeze, rapidfire. Fuck, it was disgusting, but Karkat’s face felt soaked, totally fucking decimated after Dave’s sneezing fit that he didn’t even bother covering. Was this his plan? What the fuck??? Realizing that he hasn’t breathed at all during all that, Karkat let in a shaky breath, and then immediately regretted it as it set in that he probably just breathed in more of the shit.

Shuddering, he quickly wiped off his face, cringing as he saw the red fluid coating his sleeve. Holy shit, how much even was that? “D-Dave, what the fuck-“ Karkat started, but Dave cut him off with a smile. “dont worry im not contagious karkitty. now about the makeouts…” Dave reached up to cup his cheek and run his thumb against Karkat’s lip, and Karkat went pale as he remembered the web of wet gunk between his fingers. Oh goddamnit, he had just wiped his face.

Deep down, he knew wiping his face did nothing.

“We know that’s fucking bullshit. Are you trying to get me sick?!? I-I’m not going to make-out with you, not when- ah-“ Karkat started, and then Dave shut him up by licking a stripe up the hickey he had given him earlier.

Dave let his red eyes fall upon Karkat’s. His red nose dripping, glistening, eyes narrowed, mouth curled up like a cheshire cat, he leaned forward and whispered in Karkat’s ear, the congestion in his voice evident “karkat. lets entertain the thought i am contagious, ok?” Karkat shivered, but this time in an entirely different context.

“its too late for you. from the first sneeze, from the moment i got this cold, you were doomed. even if you tried to leave” He giggled, deliriously. “i already sneezed into your pillows, to let these theoretical germs have home there too. sharing is caring, right? and you’re going to get this cold…hih…” Karkat stared, dumbfounded. Dave leaned back from his ear, and placed a finger gently on Karkat’s nose, tracing the edges. “i-in here.”

a pause, and then a grin.

“so-hiHh- s-so why try to…t-to avoid…ihh…hiH’TSHIUU!! eh’tsHIU!!” Dave’s head snapped forward. His sneezes were getting more wet, and mucus sprayed onto his face, leaving wet stains on his sweatshirt. Karkat couldn’t even process what was going on any more. And then, Dave gently leaned forward, stopping just before his lips. “just enjoy it.” The taboo of it all… the seductive gleam in Dave’s eyes…Dave’s erection pressing against his leg… the most obvious fact that Dave was into this (and that they probably had to had a talk later, jesus, openess about kinks was important)…God, it was too much.

Karkat’s may or may not have leaned forward to meet his lips.

And well, if Karkat let Dave shove his tongue into his mouth, if he let Dave sniffle and sneeze onto him, damning him and most definitely ensuring he’d be just as snotty and disgusting as him later, if he did, well, nobody had to know.

[pesterloglog]

Jane Crocker, Dirk Strider

Meat, page 29

JANE: Oh my goodness.

JANE: It’s NOT problematic!

JANE: I have endured this argument for years, and I honestly cannot see a single thing about it that could be even thinly construed as problematic.

JANE: Furthermore, despite the fact that I emphatically do not find it to be problematic, I have in the past politely refrained from indulging in the profane pleasures of the Trickster Lollipop out of respect for those who do find offense with it.

JANE: However, citizens of the Human Kingdom delight in my Tricksy antics, and what kind of politician would I be if I were to deny my core voting demographic that sort of red meat?

JANE: Or... candy, I suppose.

JANE: To imply that I am superciliously and recklessly stoking potentially dangerous cultural fires is honestly an insult.

JANE: I am guilty of only one crime: energizing my base!

JANE: Wait, who am I talking to?

JANE: Yes?

DIRK: Yo, don’t spend too much time in Trickster Mode.

JANE: Is that all you have to say?

DIRK: In general? Not by a long shot.

DIRK: But pertaining to this specific issue, yeah, because you should know better.

DIRK: At this rate you’re going you’ll burn yourself out before we even go to the ballots.

DIRK: Can you just trust me on this, for once? I’m a bit too preoccupied at this exact moment to turn my chair backwards and rap at you about the dangers of dope.

JANE: I know what I’m doing, Dirk.

JANE: Do I need to remind you that all of this was initially my idea?

DIRK: In that case, how about we tap into some of that outrageous political acumen of yours, dial back on the manic pixie dream candidate bullshit, and focus a little more on substantive policy speeches.

JANE: Oh come on, Dirk. Both you and I know that isn’t how politics works.

DIRK: Yeah, you’re right. I can’t believe I actually said that with a straight face.

JANE: You say everything with a straight face.

DIRK: Another fair point.

DIRK: See, Jane? This is why you’re going to clean his fucking clock in the debates.

DIRK: All I’m saying is, there are better ways to go about unscrupulously manipulating the electorate than burning through your entire lifetime’s supply of dopamine.

JANE: Like, perhaps, gaining the ever-vaunted endorsement of one Jake English?

DIRK: Exactly.

JANE: You know, the last time we spoke about this issue I could have sworn you asked me to let you handle Jake.

DIRK: Hmm.

DIRK: I guess I did say that.

JANE: ...

JANE: Dirk, are you doing quite okay?

JANE: It’s very unlike you to forget details like that.

DIRK: I’m fine, Jane.

DIRK: Oh, fuck off. I’m nothing like that guy.

JANE: Huh?

JANE: What guy?

DIRK: Uh.

DIRK: Forget it. I was talking to someone else.

JANE: Who?

JANE: Is someone else there with you?

DIRK: I... no. It’s nobody. Let’s just drop it, ok?

DIRK: (Christ.)

DIRK: So, on the Jake issue,

DIRK: Unfortunately, my influence is a little...

DIRK: “Limited” at the moment.

JANE: What does that mean?

DIRK: A whole lot of bullshit that I don’t have the time or patience to explain right now.

DIRK: All you need to know is that I’m working on a solution. To both my problem and yours.

DIRK: Until then, you should figure out how to get Jake to, at the very least, avoid taking a side.

JANE: Actually, I have been thinking...

JANE: Perhaps this attempt to get Jake on our side is the wrong angle from which to approach this vexing problem.

JANE: Wouldn’t it be much easier to discredit or blackmail him?

JANE: He is much beloved in the Troll Kingdom for his carefully cultivated posterior, true.

JANE: But we both know that his bottom is not the only intimate attribute for which he is famed amongst Trollish citizens.

JANE: It would take almost nothing to expose his many dalliances through the human media.

DIRK: Hoo boy.

JANE: I know! Not to be judgmental, but his zipper is as loose as his pants are tight.

DIRK: That’s not what I meant by hoo boy.

JANE: You don’t think it would work?

DIRK: Oh, it could work.

DIRK: A certain illusion of boyish innocence is an important part of his brand.

DIRK: You contrast that innocence with the gyrating of his sinewy thighs, beaming raw, sweaty sexuality right into the camera on live TV five nights a week...

DIRK: That’s what makes Jake English work as a marketable commodity. The tension between the two, the inherent friction there.

DIRK: He’s gotta look coy as all get-out. Like he has no idea how sexy he is. Like if you actually got him into bed, he’d completely disintegrate into a blushing mess of hesitation and sexless uncertainty.

JANE: Wow.

JANE: I’ve never heard anything more preposterous in my life.

DIRK: Yeah. Well, his fans get off on it.

JANE: So what’s the problem?

DIRK: The part of your plan that involves exposing his promiscuity with trolls in order to hurt his chances with the human vote.

DIRK: And thereby framing interspecies sex as an inherently scandalous thing.

DIRK: I dunno, Jane. That sounds pretty fucking xenophobic.

JANE: Auuugh!

JANE: Not again!

JANE: What ISN’T xenophobic?

DIRK: Well, for one thing, what you just said there?

DIRK: Probably also xenophobic.

JANE: WHAT?

DIRK: Sorry, that’s just how it is.

DIRK: You either gotta roll with the woke shit, or decide to commit laborious, symbolic, melodramatic suicide in the process of utterly giving up.

JANE: ??????????

DIRK: Yes.

DIRK: It is confusing.

DIRK: But that’s why you’re lucky to have me as your top advisor and strategist.

JANE: Sigh.

JANE: Dirk... do you want me to deal with Jake or not? You’ve offered nothing helpful yet, but you’ve shot down all my ideas.

DIRK: That’s because lately, all your ideas have been fucking terrible, Jane.

DIRK: Seriously. You’ve got to quit the tricksterpop. It’s rotting your brain.

JANE: Then what do you want me to DO?

DIRK: Play defense for a while. Like I said, I’ve got some cakes in the oven so to speak.

DIRK: But we can’t set them on the cooling plate just yet, so go make some fondant in the meantime.

DIRK: Your ass is mine, Jake English.

DIRK: I fucking said, your ass is mine, Jake English.

[cobycobsy2k]

COBYCOBS UBERHOOD, SEASON 4: “Rebels” Chapter 7, part 1 of 2: Back to school

The next day, some guys were in the hotel cafeteria. Tiffany, Brittany and Heather were talking about the party.

Brittany: It was super wonderful last night!, especially when I started to sing the song that my love did!.

Tiffany (While looking at Jimmy Phoenix in the distance): Too bad I haven't been able to get close to Jimmy during these vacations...

Heather: Relax Tif, remember that we will see it in class...

In the distance Jimmy, Puck and Dirk arrived, who were arguing about Jimmy's attitudes.

Dirk (Concerned for Jimmy): Come on please, just tell us if you're in trouble with the Huffingtons or not!

Jimmy (A little angry): I already told you I'm NOT in any trouble! Please stop bothering me!

Puck (As he and Dirk walk to another table): Okay... We just ask you to be careful with the lodge.

Jimmy (Thinking about what Puck said, approaching Tiffany): "The lodge?"... Hello Tiffany!.

At that moment, Allegra takes advantage of the fact that Jimmy and Tiffany are together, so she surreptitiously grabs a sheet of paper (which was a new anonymous), and begins to read it.

Allegra (While reading): Attention!, during the last hours you have seen how hearts melt in the summer of passion!, Did you know that Tiffany Sampson is secretly in love with Jimmy Phoenix, but she doesn't even dare to talk to him? ?, besides that it has been seen how Castor Nova and Lindsay Rutherford have starred in some suspicious moments, could it be that we have a new couple?

Castor glared at Lindsay, who also glared at him, so they both went out to argue.

Cástor (Angry): And now why did you make up those rumors about the two of us? Do you like me or what?

Lindsay (Laughing): HAHAHAHA!, I like serious boys and not daddy's boys like you!, And first of all, don't send me your father's bodyguards!.

Castor (Threatening Lindsay): I'll tell you just one thing and I want you to analyze it very well, NOBODY messes with the Nova family!!.

Lindsay (As she grabbed Castor by the shirt): And I don't think you know what kind of person I really am... See you later, Plastic Man!

1 month later.

at the Huffington mansion

Franco was in his office, he couldn't leave his daughter's future, while he was looking at a picture of his wife, Heather walked in.

Heather (Ending a call with Brittany and approaching her father): Take advantage of these last few hours you have with your family, Brit!!...See you later!...What happened daddy?.

Franco (With a smile): You look too much like your mother, your smile and your look remind me too much of her.

Heather (While looking at the photo of her mother): My mom if she was too beautiful... I would have loved to meet her.

At that moment the butler arrives with some bags of clothes.

Peter: Heather, here I bring you all the clothes you will wear for your Fair!.

Franco (While he smiled and saved the photo of his wife as quickly as possible): I think it's great that you donate the clothes that you no longer wear, Heather! And what will you do for your fair this year?

Heather (While smiling): I'll do my best to make this fair super special for some girls! Also, Daddy remember that you must be looking for a partner, I don't want you to be alone!

Franco: But darling, you always scare away any woman who approaches me haha!

Heather: Okay! I promise I will accept the woman of your choice.

At the entrance of SSU. Lindsay and Ekaterina were talking as they got out of a limo.

Ekaterina (while she was speaking to the driver): Maurice, please bring me something refreshing! I can't be dehydrated for this occasion!

Lindsay: Mom, could you stop being so prefabricated? Besides, you just need a clown hat to complete your outfit.

Ekaterina (Laughing while looking at herself in a hand mirror): Honey, everyone is looking at me! Also, how do you want me to look, in Pajamas or in a bathing suit? By the way... I think you should explain something to me .

Lindsay (Watching as some girls approached the limo): What?.

Ekaterina: Is there someone who bothers you or hurts you? Because when you came back from vacation, I noticed you were angry.

Lindsay: Well mom... I just missed you!

Angela, Roxie and Ellen (As they approached Ekaterina with diva airs): Excuse me, but could you please get out of our way? This place does not allow symbols of decadence like you!

Ekaterina: Sweetheart! I'll leave whenever I want! Also, if the students are like you, let me tell you that this is worse than not having a credit card in a mall!

Daniel (Confused): Ekaterina?.

The blonde woman turned a little nervous to see Daniel.

Ekaterina: Hello, Daniel! What a coincidence to see you here... Hey, what is your daughter?

Daniel (While pointing to Angela): Well I have two daughters, one is my beloved Angela and the other, let's say she doesn't exist, by the way, I've found out that you have many children.

Ekaterina (Sighing as she hid her sadness so no one would notice): I have 6 children in total... It's wonderful to have children...

Meanwhile with Lindsay.

The girl with dyed hair walked through the corridors, until she came face to face with Castor Nova.

Castor: Wow... Look who we have here! Lindsay Rutherford!

Lindsay (A little scared): Nice to see you again *gulp*.

Cástor (Boasting Lindsay): But I think you're lying a bit, I'm telling you right away that you're not going to finish this year here!

Lindsay (Gathering the courage to face Castor): We'll see, stupid! You won't be able to get me out of here either by good or bad! You're just a defenseless daddy's little boy!

At that moment Sergio Nova arrives, calling Castor's attention.

Sergio: Good morning, is something wrong?

Castor (A little scared): Hello, father! Nothing unimportant! I was just meeting up with Lindsay, a great friend!

Lindsay: Nova, rubbing elbows with the town! I'm a mate of his son! But don't worry, I'll take good care of him!

[timaeusturntech]

Tripp pants are a requirement for everyone at the wedding, it's just that ours (and Kermit's) have to be more flashy than everyone else's. I'm sewing a cutie mark onto the ass of mine and nobody can stop me. Also, the vows will practically be a full-length feature film. Though now I'm curious, what kind of cake are we having?

Listen most of the doubles I've met are fine (except this one where every time I'd talk about someone I want or whatever they'd be like "guess what :3 I'm like that" like alright fuckwad get out, this is MY blog.) Dirk splinter superiority complex is a real thing and I'm blaming you for it. Dove inherits southern accent and love of Mccafferty, I inherit...being better than everyone. I guess. Also it's funny because I've met a gazillion Hals but only one other Dirk besides you. So based off that you're technically best Dirk

JAKE FUCKING ENGLISH. HATE. LET ME TELL YOU- (gets shot)

Yeah. I don't like Jake. Back when I first formed it was a lot worse and I've sort of(?) gotten over it (not really). I remember a while back there were a lot of people in my inbox being like "well what if he felt bad about how he treated you?" and "I wonder how much you think about him?" which honestly only made it worse with those implications. I don't really have any issues with Jake fictives, never have but FUCK. I hate that stupid fucking piece of shit and I'd give him the IHNMAIMS treatment minus the toxic yaoi. I'll never be in toxic yaoi with Jake English

Oh yeah, for sure. The guests all have to wear vanilla Tripps, it's the dresscode. We can have all kinds of cool patches on ours though. Hell, I'll sew a matching cutiemark on mine's ass. The romance, swoon. We'll be a better ship than Appledash ever was. And I'm not actually too picky on cakes, at least flavor-wise. Probably orange or cherry or something like that. The decorations will be exacting, though. Thirteen tiers, each with shittier references than the last. I manage to somehow JPG artifact several of the layers. There are SBAHJ toppers. You know how it goes.

Lord, the superiority complex is real, I fear. I experience the 'I am More Dirk than them' moments far too often. And then spazz when I feel as though someone is better at being me than I am, but that's just the subjectively worse side of that coin. We've met plenty of Dirk introjects but I'm honestly not sure we've ever met another Hal besides one in an ex-friend's, so that's interesting. I wasn't aware there was a niche of Hals out there that I was missing out on. I almost feel betrayed, here. Guess it's alright though since I've also been bequeathed the 'Best Dirk' award out of lack of competition.

I would also give Jake English the IHNMAIMS treatment without the toxic yaoi. Dude. Dude. Again, I've mellowed out slightly about it as well - I'm not running off fictives or anything anymore, which was very much a real thing I used to do, like I said. But there is certainly still a large measure of resentment there, and I don't interact with content of him or fictives whenever possible. He's already pretty intolerable in source, but my memories of him just make it that much worse. He's such a fucking dick. And honestly this is a pretty well-known thing for people who've talked to me more than once or twice, but a solid seventy percent of the reason I can't stand him is the way he treated you/Hal. Pisses me off because although I haven't always been the best about the way I treated splinters, obviously I've fucking grown and learned to treat them like fully realized people. That's something that he, at least in canon, was never capable of. In general he was never capable of treating the people around him with respect. I may have had problems with boundaries, but that was always out of care for my loved ones, not a total lack of shits to give for anyone but myself. Fucking English, man.