#(also i may end up replying to everything else tomorrow bc i just took two gummies SO when they hit i will probably not be able to words

[luvsavos]

(AA) and thank you so much for sprinkling FTL gifs in there I (and Blue) love him very much. You probably missed it but in the beginning of the Astera cutscene, when he’s talking about the Tradeyard he has this…smoulder? That’s the only way I can describe it. Also one more thing I love about him is that it really is anyone’s guess which monsters he knows. Like, he has no idea what Barioth and Yian are (Blue is actually ecstatic to show him the sketches of Bari she did, and he’s like “huh. cat.”)

ohhhhh does he?? i may have noticed it but tbh its been a WHILE since ive watched the cutscenes, that doesn't surprise me though you can tell he's very proud and fond of astera, as he Should be it's a Very nice base and i desperately wish i could explore the out of bounds areas😩

ON GOD?? pls wait thats so funny omfg... i REALLY need to get the artbook to find out more lore tidbits that i don't know since god thats so funny

blue does monster sketches??? 👀 i love that so much, also love the reaction DHSKFJKG fuck dude it sure is a cat!

[caws5749]

Dazed and Confused, pt. 23-The Quarantine Series

A/N: I KNOW HOW TO USE WORDS AGAIN TODAY WOOOOOO, and apparently i need soft shit bc this got soft. ((also the black widow makeup collection has me wrecked. ))

Promoting: Netflix Party tomorrow evening, watching Infinity War! I’ll reblog the post in a little bit with some more info!

The Quarantine Series Masterlist

The training room is ready.

You kept hearing those words over and over in your head as you headed towards the new facility, specially designed for you. Nat walked with you, her hand on your back. Honestly, you were fairly certain that if she wasn’t gently pushing your forwards, you’d never end up there.

You’d finally reached the door to the room, which was currently open. Once you started using your powers, no one else would be in. If you decided to let anyone watch, they’d be up in the observation deck, a little room off to the side and up a flight of stairs.

Nat followed you into the room, where Tony was waiting to explain the design aspects to you.

“Okay, so the floor has drains everywhere. Depending on how much water they’re flooded with, it may not all drain instantaneously,” Tony explained, his eyes carefully shifting over to you. You nodded, trying to take in what he said while also keeping calm.

“Everything in here is completely waterproof. The wall over there, if you push on that little spot, it’ll open up a section of cold water bottles. Bruce and I, we think that the more you use your powers, the more it takes away from your hydration level, and you definitely don’t want to get dehydrated.”

All you could do was nod.

“Alright, I think that probably does it, so... good luck, Y/N. You’ll be fine.”

Tony left and you stood, staring blankly around the room. The only thing keeping you semi-grounded was Natasha taking your hand. Her other hand gently pulled your chin towards her.

“You’re going to be fine, Y/N. We’re not going to let anything happen to you, I won’t let anything happen to you,” she soothed.

“Okay,” you whispered, eyes wide and filled with fear. There was nothing that anyone could do to calm you.

“Do you want me to watch from the observation deck?”

Honestly, you weren’t sure. Did you want anyone watching? The team had wanted to, but, they ultimately had left the decision to you. You’d refused to let them watch, at least for the first practice. But, did you want Natasha to watch? It wasn’t a question of safety- JARVIS would alert someone if you were hurt or in danger.

“No.”

You weren’t sure why you’d said no, but you did. Natasha gave your hand a brief squeeze and sent a small smile your way, and then she left, closing the door.

You turned in every direction, alone in the completely white room. You couldn’t decide if you were about to panic or if you felt okay now that it was just you and your powers.

After a minute, you calmed enough to decide to try and summon your newfound abilities. You took a deep breath and then held out your hands in front of you. You weren’t even sure if you’d be able to send it out of your hands, but, you were going to try.

The second you tried to summon them, you felt the familiar tingle creep in. Instead of trying to stop it, as you had done before, you let it grow. You felt it manifest in nearly every inch of your body, and then you focused on sending the energy into your hands. You couldn’t help but smile when you felt your efforts working.

You pushed yourself further, letting the power surge inside of you, concentrating on your hands, before water was suddenly shooting out of them.

You were knocked off balance by the force of it, and you held your hand out to catch yourself. With power still surging throughout you, water suddenly shot out of your one hand, the force of it propelling you upward to standing once again.

You stood, breathing heavily, wondering what on earth had just happened. You hadn’t even meant to do that, it had just been instinct.

And then you started to feel a bit dizzy. Your mouth had gone dry, and you realized you probably weren’t very hydrated. You hadn’t had really anything to drink all day, and that probably wasn’t going to bode well with your practicing.

You slowly made your way over to the wall where Tony had said there would be water. You grabbed a fresh bottle and chugged it in entirety.

You felt completely refreshed and almost.. eager to continue practicing.

Before you knew it, an hour had gone by, and you’d gone through two more bottles of water. And it had gone well. When you were trying to use them, they came almost effortlessly, and it was like an instinct. Obviously, you weren’t perfect at controlling them and getting them to do what you wanted all the time, but you’d learned some things. And you were curious as to what else you could do. But, you’d find out in time.

For now, it was time to call it a day, and go find Natasha for that Netflix session.

You found her in the living room, reading a book and munching on some snacks. She looked up at your presence.

“Y/N, you’re soaked,” she observed, frowning. You looked down at your clothes and your eyes widened. You hadn’t even noticed.

“Oh.”

“And you’re shivering.”

Wow, the adrenaline must have been really pumping through your veins for you to not notice any of that.

“I’ll go take a warm shower,” you replied. “Do you want to watch Netflix after?”

“Sure, that sounds great. Now, go, get warm and dry. And then I want to hear about how training went.”

You nodded, a smile overtaking your face as you remembered what you’d done.

“That good?”

“Yeah.. it was good. Really good.”

++++++

Once you were dry and warm in cozy pajamas, you wandered back out to the living room, where Nat was no longer. You moved to the kitchen, finding her cooking something at the stove.

“What are you making?” You asked curiously, coming to stand next to her and peering into the pot.

“Vegetable soup.”

“Mmmmm.”

“You want some, moy serdtse?” Natasha asked quietly, bumping her hip lightly into yours. You turned to fully face her, your arms finding their way around her waist. You pressed soft kisses to her neck, happy when she made a soft noise.

“Yes, I’d love some,” you murmured, nipping a bit at her skin.

“Hey!” She laughed lightly. “Stop that, I need to focus on cooking.”

“Are you saying I’m good at distracting you?”

“I’m saying I need to cook,” Nat answered, though there was a smile on her face.

“So tell me about training,” she continued, stirring the ingredients in the pot. You rested your head on her shoulder as you told her everything that had happened.

“You’re handling all of this so well, Y/N. I’m really proud of you,” Natasha stated once you’d finished your recap.

“Thanks, baby. I’m feeling good, I guess. I want to keep working on things so that I can be a good asset to the team.”

“You’re already a good asset to the team.”

You hummed.

“I love you,” you said for the second time ever. Somehow, you knew that saying it to her would never get old.

“I love you,” Natasha whispered, pausing her cooking to give your lips a quick peck.

“I should probably update the team on training,” you sighed. She nodded.

“At least tell Steve for right now. Go, he’s in the conference room, and by the time you get back, everything will be ready and we can be lazy for the rest of the day.”

++++++

Tag List: @mymarvelwomen @hherewegoagain @morbid-gaymer @natasha-romanoff-fics @taramitch96 @marvelbanan @lesbian-x-blackwidow @firstangeldragonranch @stillfiguringmeout @natasharomanoffsbitch-x @5aftermidnight @disneykid125 @clintashaotp @arkkarchive @determinedpines @stop-drop-and-drumroll @little-spider-nerd @newestnewgirl @missmarvelobsession @fireflyglass @pussy-puncher-its-an-inside-joke @niquey-salvatore @1-danid @nowthisisliving27 @swanqueensupercorpshouldbegayirl @hopingforbarnes @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @natxhiddles @showmethemone05 @marvelb00kwolf @prizmix-and-friends @ophelias-heart @xpissbabyx @sychochick @alwaysblackbirdbluecookies

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Subterfuge

Part 8/finale in Getaway Series

Warnings: nonconsensual sex (vaginal ntercourse, violence), angst, general assholery.

This is dark!(nomad)Steve and explicit. 18+ only. PLEASE HEED THE WARNINGS. I mean it, I’m not gonna tell you again.

Summary: The reader makes her move.

Note: Alright, so this is the final part of this series and I’m shocked that I’ve finished it bc I was struggling boo. But here ya go. I hope you all are ready and I dunno if you’ll like it, but this is the end.

Anyways, let me know what you think as always with a reblog and/or some feedback. Love ya <3

...

You watched your mother as she set the casserole dish in the middle of the table. She hadn’t said much to you since your arrival. She avoided it as she distracted herself with the family dinner. Your sister sat across from you, she meant to say something but had yet to find the gull. 

Your father was the only who was unfazed by your presence. Never the talkative type, he at least looked away from his book for more than two seconds to acknowledge you. He greeted you with a hug and asked after your day. 

The tension of thoughts unspoken kept you silent too. You waited at the table and resisted the habitual urge to take your phone out. That would only be a reminder. Of how terribly everything could go. Your last hope were the texts you quickly erased upon reading. The emails deleted within minutes of receiving them.

Tony Stark had a plan and it all hinged on you. And Steve. Agents were in place to descend on your apartment the moment you sent the code word but their target had been absent for almost five days. Just like his presence, it made you anxious. He had been away for longer before. You should be relieved to be free of him, but you knew it was only temporary.

Your mother served everyone before she sat. You twirled your fork but even the savoury aroma of her family recipe couldn’t rile your appetite. You may not know when Steve would show up next, but you knew the end was imminent. All you had to do was send the word. One word and he was done.

“So, honey,” Your mother’s voice was hesitant. “How have you been?”

“Working,” You replied. “You know, the same old.”

The sound of cutlery against the plates filled the silence that followed. 

“And how’s Nick?” Gia asked suddenly. You looked up to her grin and narrowed your eyes.

“I wouldn’t know,” You said. 

“Gia,” Your mom warned.

“Oh come on, the last time we saw her, her ex was tryna fight her new boytoy.” Gia trilled. “Our family can be dramatic but that was--”

“He’s not--Nick is just...Nick.” You interjected. “Jesus, I came here to be with all of you and you’re treating me like some...pariah. Should I have worn a scarlet letter for our dinner?”

“We’re worried,” Your mother intoned. “We don’t know this Nick very well and after what happened with Ethan--”

“Ethan hates me. He has every right to.” You snarled. “What do you want me to say? He was right, I’m a slut.”

“Language,” Your mother reproached.

“I’m an adult! I’ll use whatever language suited to the situation.” You dropped your fork and crossed your arms. “Why aren’t you saying anything to Gia as she dates a man nearly two decades older than her, hmm?”

“We love you, we just want to make sure you’re okay,” Your mother protested.

“Then leave her alone,” Your father spoke up as he swallowed a mouthful of casserole. “Pete’s sake, she’s told you a dozen times. Let her make her own mistakes. Judgin’ her’s not gonna do her any favours.”

You blinked and looked to your dad as he leaned back in his chair. 

“This Nick boy causes any trouble, I’ll deal with him myself.” He shook his head. “Just like I dealt with Ethan.”

“What?” You lifted a brow. “What does that mean?”

“I had a talk with him after the barbecue. Told him to leave you alone. He’s angry. Hurt. But I told him it’s no sense hounding you and making you both more miserable than you already are.” He sighed. “It will pass. All of it.” He looked to your mother pointedly. “So let it pass and be nice.”

You mother sniffed and stared at the table. Gia glared at you over her plate and you tapped your fingers along the wood. You nodded and slowly stood.

“I’m not hungry.” You said. “Besides, I didn’t come here to eat. I came here to spend time with you. I thought, stupidly, that we could be friendly.” You stepped out from between the chair and table. “I love you. All of you. I just think I need some time.”

“Honey,” Your mother stood, “Please--”

“I’ve got work tomorrow,” You neared her and forced your arms around her. “I’ll see you.” 

You let go of her and patted your sister’s arm as she sulked in her chair. Your father stood and hugged you in turn. He clung to you a moment before he held you at arm’s length. His wrinkles deepened as he considered you.

“Take care of yourself, kiddo,” He said.

“I’ll try, dad,” You slowly parted from him and his hand fell from your shoulder. “Bye.”

You grabbed your coat and jacket at the door and looked back into the dining room. Your dad watched as you opened the door and disappeared out onto the street. Well, there wasn’t as much at stake as you thought.

-

‘Dear Mom, Dad, Gia, or whoever finds this letter,

If I'm missing or dead, I want this to be a record of why. If this man gets the best of me, I want there to be a chance that someone might get him.’

Your hand hovered over the paper as you thought. The small book light lit your words as you sat in the dark. The mattress was lumpy, its time on the floor had worsened its springs. You flicked your pen against your lip and bit the cap. Slowly, you pressed the ballpoint to the paper again.

‘It happened up north, on vacation with my friends, Kaya, Camile, Milani, and Corette, as well as my sister, Gia. They do not know what happened but they can confirm that they left me alone for several hours to visit the beach. During which I was accosted and assaulted by the fugitive known as Steve Rogers. He was bleeding and left me bleeding in turn.

I returned at the end of the week to the apartment I shared with my boyfriend, Ethan. For a few weeks, my life was the same as it was. But then he appeared again, broke into my apartment, and assaulted both me and Ethan. He made Ethan watch as he raped me and this led to the end of that relationship.

Thereafter, living on my own and without witness, I was visited almost weekly by Steve Rogers. He introduced himself to those I knew as Nick and coerced me into hiding his identity. If you capture him, you will find footage of at least one of his assaults on his phone. You will also find that he once more assaulted Ethan at one of my family’s events.

You will also note my correspondence with Stark Industries. They can provide you with a full transcript as I have erased all evidence on my end to keep myself safe. If they have failed to aid me in capturing the fugitive, then this letter will be of use to you. I only hope that he is caught before he can do this to someone else.

In the event that this letter is read, I want my family to know that I love them. I am sorry I didn’t tell them the truth but it was for their own safety.’

You leaned back against the pillow and re-read the letter. You shivered and folded it up carefully. Your last testament. All that would remain of you should this all go to shit. You got up and tucked folded the paper up so that it fit behind the upholstery of your jewelry box. When Steve arrived, you’d text your mother your hiding spot. You only prayed Steve didn’t discover it first.

-

It was your day off. You didn’t sleep and so you showered and dressed early. Unsure of when the bell would toll, you determined to make what could be your last day to yourself entirely self-indulgent.

You spent an hour in the bookstore. It was ages since you visited the familiar aisles, browsed old titles and new. You still hadn’t read the last haul of books you’d taken home with you. You weren’t sure you ever would but the smell of paperback comforted you. It reminded you of a time before; the alphabetized spines were the only order in your chaotic life.

You paid for a collection of Poe’s stories and made your way to the cafe next door. Many of the bookstore’s patrons ended up here. It was bustling that day but many took their coffee to go. You ordered a tea and sat in the corner, a round-backed armchair with another beside it. Empty.

It was easy to feel lonely these days. With a secret you couldn’t share with anyone; a torment you faced on your own. You left your tea to cool on the small table between the chairs and opened the book. Many of these tales you’d read before but each time you read them, they felt new again, though the sense of horror was nothing compared to that you faced outside the pages.

“You fancy me mad. Madmen know nothing. But you should have seen me. You should have seen how wisely I proceeded –with what caution –with what foresight –with what dissimulation I went to work!”

You began to slump in your chair as you read the descent into madness, the almost inhuman insanity did not seem so fantastical anymore. Perhaps, Poe’s horror wasn’t fictional, but a reflection of the depths of humanity. Of how low one could sink when their soul is corrupted.

A shadow moved beside you and a cup was placed next to yours. The book fell closed around your finger as you let it rest in your lap. You stared over at your villain. Steve sat down heavily and smirked over at you.

“Is this what you do with your free time?” He asked as he ran his hands along his thighs, smoothing the wrinkles from the worn denim. 

You pulled your finger from the pages without marking your place and set the small volume behind your cup. You took your tea and sipped as you looked around the cafe. “It’s what I’m doing today.”

“It’s been a while,” He remarked as he picked up his own cup and cradled it just above his lap. “Do you think this will save you?”

You turned and squinted at him. You drank again. The tea was lukewarm and acidic. “Save me?” 

“All these people,” He glanced around. “Do you think that will stop me?”

“I know it won’t,” You replied and took another gulp before setting aside the dregs to cool entirely. “So what are you waiting for?”

He laughed and raised his mug to his lips. He drank the dark coffee and placed his mug next to yours. “You don’t give up, do you?”

“And neither do you,” You countered. 

“I don’t,” He said as he leaned over the arm of his chair. “And let me assure you, I’ve dealt with people far more formidable than you, girl.”

You nodded. This was what he did. He enjoyed it; taunting you. “I’m sure you have.” You examined the lines of your palm. You itched to grab your phone but could not make it so obvious. “Where have you been, anyway?”

“Doing my valiant duty. Saving the people who need saving.” He said smugly. “You know, the ones I was outlawed from helping. This world seems to have forgotten that without me, they’d be in ruins.”

“Is that how you make it okay in your head?” You looked at him. “Hmm? This?”

“This is what I’m owed. You. A single life for the millions I’ve saved.” He reached over and touched your arm, his fingers danced along your shoulder. “I’m fucking hard already.” He pulled away and pushed himself to his feet. “Meet me in the mens’.”

He turned and strutted away as you watched him. His broad shoulders disappeared down the narrow hallway that led to the facilities. You sighed and grabbed the book of horror stories from the table. 

You stared at the cover, the silhouette of a raven. A bad omen; a harbinger of warfare, of death. You grabbed your purse and replaced the book on the table. You didn’t need horror stories; you were living one of your own.

The walk along the hallway seemed longer than six steps. The clinking and steaming of the cafe kitchen disguised your footsteps. You passed the ladies’ and stopped in front of the mens’. You didn’t knock but stepped inside with resignation. 

Was this the climax of your story? How then should the denouement bring you lower?

Steve reached over your head and pushed the door closed as you entered. His hand slipped down and turned the lock with a loud click. He grabbed your arm and yanked you away from the door as he turned you to face the small sink.  You dropped your purse as you gripped the porcelain.

You looked in the mirror at yourself as he let go and hastily undid his fly. “Come on,” He tugged your shirt up and grabbed the waist of your jeans. 

You flicked open your fly as he shoved your pants past your ass. The heat of his body surrounded you. You looked up. Your eyes weren’t yours. They were dark and haunted. Your features were marred by shadows. You felt hollow as his hand brushed against you and he pushed your shoulders forward.

You closed your eyes as he entered you. It hurt. You were dry and he was impatient. It took him a few thrusts to reach his limit. His hand went to the back of your neck as you shuddered and grasped the sides of the sink. He crushed your hips against the porcelain as his hushed grunts floated above you.

“Fuck,” He swore as he slipped his hand around your front. He felt between your folds and rubbed your clit. “I should’ve come yesterday.”

You bit your lip as you hung your head forward. You kept your eyes shut as each thrust came harder than the last. The cold porcelain grew slick beneath your palms. You slid forward, your face closer to the mirror. His hand crept around your neck and your back arched as his fingers tightened at your throat.

Your breath whisked from you as the sounds of the cafe crept in beneath the door. You felt yourself slicken around his cock. Your body worked against you. His flesh slapped loudly against your ass. You couldn’t stifle the heat as it flowed through you.

You gasped as he sped up. Your hands slipped as his left your neck. He caught your arms and held them back as he fucked you. 

“Open your eyes.” He growled. You shook your head and he jolted into you painfully and stopped. “I said open your eyes, girl.”

Your jaw set and you slowly opened your eyes. His blue eyes were cavernous as they stared back at you in the mirror. He began to move again. Your body rebelled and continued its ascent. You breathed through your nose, trying to muffle your pleasure as he ripped it from your flesh. You squeaked and trembled as you came. He watched, pleased at your surrender.

He pulled you away from the sink. He dropped your arms and wrapped his around your middle as he rutted into you. You reached back to touch his thighs, pleading wordlessly for him to slow down as each thrust sent a ripple through you. 

He jerked against you and spasmed as he threw his head back. He hissed as he came and rocked his hips slowly as he spilled inside you. You were weak as he released you and you stumbled forward as he pulled out. 

He chuckled as you caught yourself on the sink and his cum dripped down onto your panties and jeans. He edged you out of his way as he grabbed a paper towel and turned the faucet. You took some toilet paper and turned away from him as he cleaned himself up. You tried to do the same but still felt dirty when you were done.

“I’ll be out there,” He said as he zipped his fly up. “There’s an alarm on the fire escape so let’s not play games.”

“Alright,” You grumbled if only to get him to leave.

The locked clicked and the door opened and closed. You wiped off your panties and jeans as best as you could and pulled them up. You locked the door and grabbed your purse off the tile. You dug around and found your phone buried in the mess. 

You leaned against the wall as you typed in the single word. You stared at it as your thumb hovered over ‘send’. Once it went through, you had less than an hour before agents descended on your apartment. You sent the second, the one for your mother and shoved your phone away. 

However this ended, Steve would no longer be your personal scourge.

-

The car ride was silent. It always was with him. It was better that way. The only words he had for you were cruel. You kept your eyes forward and watched the road through the windshield. Play it cool. This was the hardest part. The anxiety. The impatience. For your doom or his.

Your building was a spectre against the grey sky. A storm was moving in. You got out and he followed. The usual smack on your ass. You pulled out your keys as he pushed himself against you. He was hard again.

“We’ll have some fun on your day off,” He teased as you unlocked the door. “Better than your books.”

You stayed quiet. He didn’t expect an answer. He knew you wouldn’t. This routine had become too familiar. Too rehearsed. Too easy.

You led him up the stairs. With each, your heart beat just a little quicker. The keys jingled in your hand and you realized your were shaking. You stopped in front of your door to gather yourself and find the right key on the ring. He leaned against the wall and ran a finger down your side.

“You’re...excited,” He mused. “I can hear your heart racing.”

You looked over at him, the key poised just before the lock. “You can?”

“Yeah. I hear a lot, you know? Your heart, the blood flowing through your veins, your breath before it rises,” He smirked and you slid the key into the bolt and turned. “Serum gave me a lot more than muscles, didn’t it?”

He flicked your chin playfully and drew away. You held back your retort and stepped inside. Your apartment was as you left it, not a single speck of dust missing. You blinked as you entered the small living room. A furtive glance to the windows. 

Did they get your message? Were they really coming?

Steve walked around the room as he stretched his arms above him. You watched him as he strolled around the small space. He neared the window and looked out, his figure a wraith against the grim sky. He twisted the plastic rod and the blinds closed.

He turned back to you and his hands went to his hips. That classic stance you’d seen on posters. Captain America. The saviour of the world. He laughed.

“You’re heart is still going,” He slowly inched across the room. “Faster now. Fuck, you’re gonna have a fit, girl.”

You swallowed, your mouth dry as you gripped your purse. You looked down and saw your phone through the open zipper. You couldn’t just pull it out and check. You hadn’t felt a vibration. 

He neared, his shoes decisive against the hardwood. He was like a hawk circling. You looked up and backed away as he came closer.

“You really think Tony Stark would believe some small town girl?” Steve grinned and your chest clenched. “Hmm? You think you’re some spy with your code words and your covert messages? Your plan to have them storm your pathetic apartment?”

Your lips parted in shock as if you’d been slapped. No… Your flesh turned to stone as you met the wall and pressed yourself to it. 

“I’ve faced real spies. Let me tell you, Hydra was a lot more intimidating but I tossed them on their asses. But you, you think you can bring me down?” He chuckled as his hand came up to grip your chin. “What do you think I could do to you?”

Tears rose along your lower lids and your lip trembled. You should’ve known. It was too easy. Another trick. A bug on your phone; your computer, too. He knew it all and you were too desperate to think. Stupid.

“Think of what I’ve already done,” He leaned in so that his nose was almost touching yours. “Of what I’m going to do now.” He pressed his forehead to yours. “It’s over, girl. Just like you wanted it.”

He pulled away, his hands balled as he glared down at you. His chest rose and fell as his jaw ticked. You wiped away the tears before they could fall and sniffed. You stood straight as you looked back at him defiantly.

“Fine,” You declared. “Then end it.”

You were stunned as his fist met your jaw. Your stumbled back and your head hit the wall. You slid down slowly as your legs turned to jelly and the room faded slowly before your eyes. You gripped your pounding skull as the strength drained from you. You looked up at Steve as he loomed over you and your vision swam with stars.

“You really thought you could get away from me?” He knelt as your eyes began to roll back, his voice floated in your ears and into the void. 

-

When you awoke, the world was moving. When you awoke, you were shocked. Were you really alive or was this the purgatory you’d always denied? Your head lolled and you stared at the driver of the car. No, you were still painfully alive.

Steve’s features were limned in sunlight. It was either a new day or a new place. His blue eyes bore into the winding highway ahead. Your jaw ached terribly and your head felt like it was full of cement. You babbled weakly.

Your hands were tied together. Your ankles too. The seat belt was buckled around you and kept you from sliding down the seat.

“I really thought I might’ve killed you,” He said. “I hit you a bit harder than I meant to.”

You grumbled. No words would come.

“That’d be too easy. I’ve been too easy on you and you didn’t appreciate it at all. I let you stay in your shit hole apartment, let you see your family, let you live your life when it’s not your life. It’s mine.” The steering wheel groaned as he gripped it tighter. “You’re mine.”

You mumbled and felt the sting of tears as the world closed in on you.

“It’s all over now, girl,” Your eyes closed again. “You don’t even know how good you had it.”

His words were scribbled across your dreams as you sank back into unconsciousness. You dozed and woke at intervals. He allowed you a drink of water from a bottle and a piss on the side of the road. You barely recalled the stops as your world was clouded in shock and pain.

You were shaken awake for the last time. Your door was open and Steve felt along your jaw roughly. 

“It’s not broken.” He stated and unbuckled the seat belt. “See, another thing to be thankful for.”

“Steve,” You rasped. “Please…”

“Please, shut up,” He spat and pulled you out of the car. “Come on, hop, bunny.”

He tugged you forward and you were forced to hop on your bound feet. There was a farmhouse just ahead; long-abandoned and slanted. The fields were overgrown with weeds. This was where he’d leave you. 

“Just get it over with,” Your words were clumsy through your swollen jaw.

He didn’t reply and continued to drag you towards the barn. He slid the door open enough to angle you through. He led you to the corner where a pile of rotted boards rested. He let go of you and you wobbled on your feet as he began to move the rubble.

Beneath was a small hatch. This was tornado country. These vaults were built decades ago to keep families safe when the sirens sounded. Except the hatch was more than the usual wooden door; it was metal, shiny and new, a bolt on its face.

He took a key out and unlocked the hatch. He turned and bent to pick you up. He slung you over his shoulder and your head spun. He slowly carried you down the steps. He put you back on your feet and you wavered. 

The light from above lit the shadows. There were shelves along the far wall, illegible packets and cans lined the middle shelf. A bed sat a foot from the shelves against the wall; a metal frame with a thin mattress. A toilet was attached to the wall along with a small sink. A single lightbulb hung from the ceiling.

Steve untied your hands and your feet. He stood and shoved you towards the middle of the room. You caught yourself on the bed frame and turned back.

“Welcome home,” His smile was sinister in the dim. 

“No,” You gasped and neared him. He pushed you back easily and you fell on your ass. “Please, don’t do this. Just kill me, please.”

“Kill you? I never wanted that,” He scoffed and turned to set his foot on the bottom step. “Don’t worry, I’ll be back to check on you. Now and then.”

He started to climb the steps and you got up unsteadily. As he reached the top, you grabbed onto the stairs and tried to come up after him.

“I’ll throw you back down,” He warned as he pulled on the steps and slowly raised them. You clung to them as he tried to wriggle them away from you. “You’ll be worse off if I break something.”

“Steve, you can’t--” Slivers embedded in your skin as he yanked the steps free from you and raised them up after him.

“Now, now, girl,” He knelt and looked through the hatch at you. “Is there anything I can’t do?” He slowly lifted the door as he spoke. “Don’t you worry, I’ll keep an eye on the family for you.” He taunted as he slowly closed the door, the light draining away inch by inch. “Be good and I’ll let you know.”

He dropped the door entirely and it clanged shut. The lock turned and you were left in darkness. Tears rolled down your eyes and light sparked in your blurred vision. The light bulb crackled to life above you, a small beacon in the pit. You could hear him moving the boards back onto the hatch.

You turned blindly and fell onto the bed. You were poked by the corner of a familiar shape. You sat up and grabbed the book from atop the thin blanket. The silhouette of the raven shone beneath the wire. The book fell open as your sight came clearer through the tears. The world clearer through the dark. The scraping and steps above faded away.

“Then silence, and stillness, and night were the universe.”

[wxnnabe]

may I please request hcs or a little fun scenario with Narancia, Fugo, Mista and maybe an unfortunate drunk Abbacchio who is at the wrong place at the wrong time and their female stand user partner they all have a crush on at some degree playing spin the bottle/ truth or dare/never have I e. on a loose night?Most of them teenager after all, maybe Fugo never played it, Mista and the crush thought it's dumb but why the hell not and Abba is tired, crushing, kinda drunk and getting dragged into it.

I aged everyone up for this which is loosely implied-Narancia’s in school and l/i is the newest member. Thank god its not no simp september rn bc NONE of these boys would be passing smh

More under the cut! 

“Spin the bottle? Isn’t that game for t-twelvies?” Fugo slurred at Narancia’s suggestion as you sat next to the two boys. They had been celebrating after a successful mission, which was why you didn’t shy from a fifth scotch, but if Mista and Narancia planned on trying anything tonight…

“You haven’t played it before, have you?” Narancia teased him with a mischievous smile. He looked to you as if deliberating whether he should hold back his snarky remark or not. Narancia laughed, giving him a playful jab in the side and he took a breath before replying.

“And I doubt you’ve had a better experience,” Narancia’s grin soured, and he was about to retort when you stepped in.

“Then why not make this a good one? C’mon, it can’t hurt! What’s the harm in having some fun?” Narancia piqued up at your suggestion, and Fugo relented with a frustrated sigh. Mista shrugged, and sat down next to you, placing the glass bottle on the middle of the table.

“Then it’s decided! Kisses can be wherever the spinner wishes, but you can’t get out of it! As soon as the game’s begun, anyone on this table is playing.” He gave a pointed look at Abbacchio, who glowered back, pulling his chair slowly and muttering about how stupid it was to be playing such a childish game. You stood up as well, stumbling as you did so.

“Abbacchio, please stay? it’s a s-stupid game, that’s true….but we’re so drunk we’ll forget all about it tomorr-hic! ah, tomorrow,” Narancia chimed in.

“Won’t be a game without five!” Mista, suddenly realizing what Abbacchio leaving might mean, banged his fist on the table, getting everyone’s attention.

“We can’t play as a four! C’mon an sit back down, ‘Bbacchio. We gotta…gotta make this interesting, riight? We’ll be in biig trouble tomorrow if you leave…” Fugo gave Abbacchio a pleading look as Mista continued to ramble with a butter knife in hand. 

“You heard the man, hic-! Abba…cchio,” Abbacchio, seemingly overridden by the majority, let out a dramatic sigh and sat back down and rubbed his temples.

“Goddamnit…I’m only playing for a couple of rounds, got it?” Narancia let out a cheer and Mista a sigh of relief, relaxing in his chair and beckoning you to do the same. You felt giddy and nervous at the same time; you can’t say your thoughts around the boys were wholly professional, lest platonic as they should be.

In your defense, the boys in your team were attractive, there was no doubting that. But they each had a part of them that drew you to them.

Fugo might have a short fuse and a dangerous temper, but it certainly wasn’t all that he was. He was smart, and had a kind streak-he truly cared and respected his teammates, and he had demonstrated it to you time and time again. You always looked forward to the rare occasions he would smile at you from his book, sitting it down to have a conversation with you. Most of the time it was about the book he was reading, or a news happening of some controversy; occasionally he would ask how you were and whether you needed any assistance with any part of the gangster life. If he looked like he needed a break from Mista and Narancia you would step in, much to his relief. He looked like he could use it at times.

Narancia was hard to keep up with, you’ll admit; it took time for him to really trust you and to see you as a friend and less like an associate of his friends’, but soon enough you found yourself being pulled into whatever crazy shenanigans he had planned for after and on his breaks from school. It was fun, really-he just tired you out sometimes. You’d find him relaxing with you, complaining at first at how boring it was to be sitting around napping when you could be out “ living your 20’s to their fullest”-then five minutes later, you’d come back with some cold drinks to find him passed out on the sofa.

Mista was goofy, but he had a confident easy-going charm that was endearing enough to withstand his suspicions on luck. He would flirt with you when you were first introduced into the group, and even though you’d tease him lightly you really were grateful for him sometimes, even if just to ease the tension of your new life. Once you were in combat though, he seemed cool as the steel of his gun; he was untouchable in his element. It freaked you out at first, but you began to find trust in that cool composure of his, and relied on it to calm yourself down and focus when things got out of hand.

And Abbacchio, though a fair bit older than the lot of you, also drew you in. You hardly expected that stubborn man would ever soften his barking tone and cold eyes to you- you realized very quickly after being introduced into the group he had no intentions of making you feel welcome. You were patient with him, though. After hearing his story one night after ten too many drinks, (Abbacchio was still his grumpy self when drunk, maybe more so, but he was also quite chatty about his woes) you were determined to make him see otherwise. You knew he had a heart, somewhere-you could see the subtle way he still cared for his team, even if he did bluff by simply taking the fourth slice of cake at dessert to avoid Mista’s whining. 

Actually, this night you were all a little inebriated- the goth man included. It would certainly make for an interesting night.

“Alright then! Shall I start?” Narancia, ever the eager one, shot you a cheeky grin as he lounged in his seat. Abbacchio cursed and took a long swig of his wine, and Fugo…was he blushing? You’d better save yourself from being stabbed by that butter knife he had twirling in his hands and keep that to yourself. Narancia reached out and spun the bottle, and as it spun your stomach suddenly filled with nervous and excited energy. What if it did land on you? Would any of you actually remember what happened tonight? If nobody else did…did you really want to remember it? The bottle stopped, and everyone’s gaze shot up to Abbacchio who was sitting the closest to the end of the bottle. Narancia groaned, and set you, Fugo and Mista into a fit of laughter. Abbacchio looked ready to murder someone, but Narancia nonetheless got out of his chair, faltering as he made his way to where Abbacchio sat.

“I can kiss you wherever I want, right?” Abbacchio glared daggers at the boy as Fugo snorted back even more laughter.

“Try anything stupid and I swear to god…” Narancia rolls his eyes and kisses Abbacchio, just on the crown of his head, a little more rough than intended. As he staggers back to his seat, and Abbacchio grumbles about how crumpled his hair is, your eyes turn to Fugo.

“Your shot, Fugo!” You giggled as he tsked spun the bottle with measurable force. You could have sworn you saw his eyes light up, for almost a second, until Mista pulled his chair out.

“Alright! C'mere and gimme a kiss, you!” Fugo shrugs and reaches over the table, giving Mista a kiss on his cheek. Mista gives him a dopey little smile, and suddenly it’s Abbacchio’s turn to spin. He looks grumpy (probably dreading the idea of having to kiss one of his team members), but gives it a lazy spin. 

Your heart skips a beat, then, when it lands on you. It was bound to happen eventually, but Abbacchio? The others seemed to have similar reactions of shock.

“Seriously?! What kind of luck am I getting today?” 

“Damnit! I-I mean, why do I gotta be the one to kiss Abbacchio?”

You interrupt them, clearing your throat.

“Hey, c’mon Abba-hic! C’mon over here,” Abbacchio gave you a smoldering look you couldn’t describe in this state-like he would march other to your seat and either throttle you or kiss you. Thankfully, he did the latter, holding your chin with one hand and giving you a hasty, rough kiss-right on your lips. 

Your drunk mind was whirring, and you immediately tasted the wine on his lips, and something savory-perhaps the last meal he ate? Despite your shock, you didn’t hesitate in kissing him back before he ended the kiss, which ended almost as quickly as it started. A still silence fell on the table as Abbacchio made his way back to his seat, leaving you blinking and a little out of breath. Just how eager were you to kiss him back? That shouldn’t be normal, if the one sober-ish part of your brain had anything to say about it. You could still feel his lips on your own; was it time you gave those feelings of yours a raincheck? He flashed you a smug smirk as he tapped Mista on the shoulder.

“Your turn,” Mista was frowning at you-or was it your expression? He seemed off, all of a sudden-almost like when he encountered a multiple of four in the corner of his eye. It concerned you, and if you weren’t so drunk off your face, you’d ask him if everything was alright. You brushed it off for now.

His spin ended on Narancia, and with a groan from Narancia and a chuckle from Mista, he walked over to the boy.

“Where do ya wanna get a kiss, hmm? cheeks, nose, I can even do lips if you’re that eager!” Narancia pouted at Mista’s pointed retort and thought for a moment, and pointed to his nose. Mista nodded, almost solemnly, and gave him a lingering kiss.Narancia pulled back, wiping his nose quickly.

“Shit, you got your spit all over me!” Mista looked slightly upset by this, and he staggered back to his seat next to you and whined how he doubted Narancia was any better. Like that, his turn was through and it was your shot. You took another sip of your drink and reached over to the bottle, giving it a good spin. You were suddenly excited; you didn’t care who you landed on, but you wanted to be bold. Hell, if Abbacchio had the nerve to kiss you (and a part of you willed the bottle to land on him again) on the lips, what was stopping you? If they seemed disinterested, you could give them a quick kiss and be done with it.

As the bottle slowed, it stopped, dead on Fugo. You gave him an easy smile, but the butterflies that had burst into your stomach told you that you were anything but easy about this. As you stood up, you felt a rush of dizziness hit you. God, you really were drunk, weren’t you? As you stumbled your way over to Fugo, you noted Narancia with his arms crossed. He was glaring very intently at the bottle in the middle of the table-but you don’t recall it doing him any wrong. (He did have to kiss Abbacchio and watch Abbachio kiss you, you remind your inebriated self when you’re tucked in for bed that night)

Fugo gives you a sort of longing look as you come closer, like he’s hoping you’ll kiss him properly. He didn’t ark up when Abbacchio kissed you, though you could see he was pretty annoyed. God, are they all after you? As much as the thought excited you-tomorrow’s gonna be an icky day.

Regardless of what was to happen when the sun came up, you tilted Fugo’s head slightly so that he was looking up at you and dipped down. You stop yourself just in time before you actually fall on him, and gently press your lips to his. You could tell he was surprised, but he returned the sweet kiss. He seemed like he was holding back, though-the way he followed and matched your pace, just with a little more vigor than you expected. As much as you wanted to deepen the kiss, you were suddenly more aware of the other men on the table-and their possible mixed feelings toward you. You ended the kiss as you stood back up, and gave the stunned boy a soft smile, leaning on the table before making your way back to your seat. 

The rest of the game seemed to drag out, but you managed to kiss Narancia-and, conveniently, earn a kiss from Mista. When you turned to Narancia, he gave you a cocky grin.

“Make it a good one, yeah? That way I can forget all the other kisses I’ve gotten tonight!” The comment was pointed, and you were surprised Fugo hadn’t lost his temper at this point. Talking about a silent Fugo…you could faintly recognize the soft snores next to Narancia, and as you glanced in your peripheral you saw his slumped form on the table sleeping soundly. He looked so serene…but you turned your attention to the boy next to you as he inched closer. He looked slightly nervous, now that the two of you were close enough to really see each other. Come to think of it, you’d never seen any of the boys faces this close before-Narancia, the boy who you were to kiss next, had a cute little beauty spot just next to his mouth you hadn’t seen until now. 

You took as a cue to lean in the rest of the way, closing your eyes as your lips touched his. His kiss was fast and passionate, and though you knocked teeth a couple of times you managed to match his pace sooner than expected, melting into the kiss. As you broke off to catch your breath, Mista banged on the table. 

“Oi, it’s a kiss, not a damn make out session!” Narancia seemed distracted by Mista, and stood up from his chair. 

“Hey, there’s no rules saying otherwise, is there?” Narancia looked to you for back up, and your eyes darted from the bottle to Narancia and to a less than happy Mista. Fugo was still asleep, it seemed, and Abbacchio had long ago left the table, disappearing after excusing himself for another glass of wine. An idea popped into your head (You were really going to regret these drunken lightbulb moments when you woke up tomorrow-or later today, whatever the time was) and you grabbed the bottle, preparing to spin.

“Fugo’s asleep, so I’ll juss spin for him! Once the bottle is spun, there’s -hic! no more arguing!” At this point, you were yelling (rather, slurring) loud enough to wake the poor boy, but as you spun the bottle once more the two boys surprisingly settled back into their seats. The bottle stopped halfway between Abbacchio’s spot and Mista, but before Narancia could rebuke it you turned to the only boy you had yet to kiss.

“Alllright, pucker up, Mistaa!” He shot you a smirk as he grabbed your cheeks and brought you closer to him. Up close, the faint smell of cologne wafted into your nose as you realized how much more inviting his close proximity was. Maybe it was simply that you were blind drunk, and all the other kisses you had received that night were far from innocent, but when he leaned in and kissed you, you couldn’t help sighing into the kiss. He was a bit sloppy-but nothing you could complain about, considering how comfortable you felt with his arm snaking out to cup your waist. You felt like you could melt in his embrace in that moment, but the sound of a cleared throat interrupted the kiss. Mista pulled away, seeming a little too satisfied with the flustered mess he had made of you. He frowned, and gave you a sheepish smile.

“Ahh, sorry…guess I forgot it was your shot ‘n not mine. Ya can still kiss me though, just to be fair ‘n all?” At this, Narancia banged his fists on the table, jolting a now annoyed Fugo to consciousness.

“No ff…fucking fair!” You however, had zoned out from the argument that had arisen on the table. You had enjoyed each and every boy’s company, a little too much. You felt like you were caught in between a reverse harem-four love interests? That seems a bit too much, and all for you… If their kisses were anything to go by, this night wasn’t just a revelation for you.

…Your hangover would be horrible, but you hoped Bruno had a solo mission for you to pursue tomorrow-maybe it would give you a break from whatever storm was coming your way.

[ghostboybabies]

little ghost boy || Reggie [JATP Agere/CGLRE Story]- “Now or Never”(Prologue)

A/N: so...this fandom doesn't have agere content, hmm? I shall create the first. This is also my first work in the fandom, so please be nice! This isn't Ageplay, or De-aging, or DDLB (with the kinks, they're minors? uh.. that'd be gross.) If you don't understand Age Regression, or the terms used by the CGLRE community, you might want to learn a little about all that before reading through this. Hope you enjoy! -- The boy had died, and somehow ended up spending 25 years in some dark room. Changes were happening quickly, and the others seemed to move on before he had the chance to process any of it. So maybe he needed a way to cope with the whole...being dead thing. And maybe that way was rather childish. But it helped? And plus, he was pretty cute when he got like that. He didn't realize there was a name for it until recently, and now everything seemed to make sense. He was just a little ghost boy.

A/N: Hey! I'm writing what I believe is the FIRST ever agere story for this fandom! so, please be nice! as the chapters go on, Reggie will discover his headspace more and more, because the main plot is self discovery and learning to trust his friends with a vulnerable part of himself. So the start is kinda slow, but bare with me! Lmk if you enjoy it and give feedback please!

-Apple

Here’s the link to “Now or Never”, if you wanna listen while reading bc this is technically a song fic. 

--

One, two, three, four!

The quick noise of two drum sticks crashing together four times rung throughout the studio just before the sounds of instruments collided together as the song began, and the first lines that they knew to well were sung aloud

Take off! Last stop, countdown 'til we blast open the top...

Reggie could never get this song out of his head. It was the last song he preformed before he died. The last song he got to play his bass to while he still had a heartbeat. It hurt to play it again.

But doing things that may hurt you is brave. And bravery can bring you great things.

Face first, full charge. Electric hammer to the heart!

Reggie and Alex started singing in sync with Luke, screaming the lyrics into their microphones like this was going to be their last time ever singing. It almost felt like it was.

Clocks move forward, but we don't get older. No....

The three of them were stuck as seventeen year olds forever, and it felt weird. Being forced to pause and stay in one state of maturity forever was weird. And it felt like things that happened in their past was starting to catch up to them.

Kept on climbing, 'til our stars collided...

And Reggie's past was complicated. Even after death, trauma doesn't disappear. Their singing was full of emotion, because this was hard for them. No one was forcing them to sing this song, they were just in the studio.

And yet, they were screaming a song they thought they'd never hear again, all three of them holding back tears. Tears of anger, tears of nostalgia. But the moment they were reminded of what they had now, everything that death eventually lead them too, those tears would dry.

And all the times we fell behind, were just the keys to paradise

Don't look down, cause we're still rising up right now...

Reggie liked what he had now. He had new friends! Julie, Willie, Carlos, Ray... Though those last two we're definitely a bit one sided. He cared about them, though. He cared about everyone so much, he always had good intentions when it came to the people he loved.

He was a little oblivious, but he had a heart of gold.

And even if we hit the ground, we'll still fly

Keep dreaming like we'll live forever, but live it like it's now or never!

Sometimes, things felt like now or never. Reggie worried about what choices to make, whether or not he should take certain risks. He was constantly afraid of losing opportunities, or messing up what he had. Maybe that's why he constantly had the urge to apologize for every little thing.

Because he couldn't handle the thought that someone he cares about might be mad at him. He couldn't stand the idea of losing somebody, because he already lost everything all at once twenty five years ago.

Hear the noise, in my head. It's calling out like a voice I can't forget.

One life, no regrets..

The only thing he didn't lose when he died was his band mates. His family.

The people that were there for him when he needed it most, were still there for him. And he couldn't thank them more then he already has for that.

Catch up, got no time to catch my breath.

Everything felt like it was going so fast sometimes. Changes took place, back to back, and nothing ever stopped. Sometimes, it felt like they couldn't catch a breath. But Reggie had found a way to cope with change, with the things he felt, and the childhood he never got to experience.

Even if that way was rather...childish.

Alex and Reggie started singing again, and by now, Alex was tearing up as he sang aloud. Their voices rang throughout the studio.

Clocks move faster 'cause it's all we're after now....

Won't stop climbing, 'cause this is our time, yeah

They kept singing, emotions ringing through their voice as they screamed out the lyrics.

When all the days felt black and white, those were the best shades of my life!

Don't look down, 'cause we're still rising up right now. And even if we hit the ground...

We'll still fly. Keep dreaming like we'll live forever, but live it like it's now or never.

Maybe they decided to preform this because of what today was. Another birthday passing was just another reminder that they weren't aging. Another reminder that they were dead.

Today was Reggie's birthday, and he didn't know how to feel about that. It wasn't like anything changed. He didn't feel older. If anything, he felt dumb for not maturing.

He felt smaller.

We ain't searching for tomorrow...

Tomorrow

'Cause we got all we need today

Today

Reggie replied to Alex's short solos by echoing him, glancing back at the drummer and locking eyes with him as their voices surrounded them. Filling the area with a nostalgic and bittersweet feeling.

Living on a feeling that's been running through our veins

We're the revolution that's been singing in the rain...

Reggie proudly sang his solo line, listening as the other two joined in. Even if they were dead, this felt right. Playing together, with these boys who he's known since middle school, was exactly what he wanted to do. And now he had Julie too, who he didn't meet until more recently, but he cared about her just as much.

Don't look down. 'Cause we're still rising up right now

And even if we hit the ground, we'll still fly

Keep dreaming like we'll live forever, but live it like it's now or never....

Their music seemed to sway around the room, the emotion of the environment shifting from bittersweet to hopeful. They were talented, and they all loved each other.

What else could they want?

It's now or never!

Now or never.....

Nothing. All they needed was love, and their music, and they'd figure out the rest.

They could trust each other with anything.

But sometimes, like when Reggie was hold back a huge...or rather, little secret, it suddenly became easy to forget that.

He'd remember soon enough.

[ragnarachael]

Missing You

Pairing: Tony Stark x Reader, Peter Parker x Sister!Reader

Word Count: 1,613

Summary: Morgan’s got questions. You and Tony figure it’s time she knew about what happened to her Uncle Peter and Nana May. (request)

A Note: i.. i added May to this bc if i remember endgame or far from home correctly, it’s canon that she fell victim to the snap. if not,,.. then sorry?

Warnings:  a little angsty with talks about grief and things that come with that!

MASTERLIST !  FEEDBACK !

The question put you out of commission.

Out of commission meaning crying so hard that you had to leave the room so Tony could do damage control and try and explain to Morgan that “mama’s just feeling a little under the weather, okay? why don’t we go and make her a pretty picture?”

Morgan’s just turned 5, and she’s as smart as a whip. That shouldn’t shock you, since Tony’s her father. But she’s so observant and it’s a blessing and a curse.

Which is why she asked about Peter and May.

Four and a half years since the blip, and you’re still crying over your brother and Aunt.

You know you’re allowed to do such, this wasn’t the first brush you’ve had with grief.

But when it was just you left for the past four and a half years with your family name—hyphenated with Stark, of all names—you couldn’t help the emotion.

You kept it bottled up, mostly. You occasionally talked with Tony about how you felt if it were a particularly bad night, but that was when Morgan was young. Younger than this.

Therapy would be smart. You should have gotten on that after Morgan was born. But you felt so happy then, why would you have gone?

“Baby?” Tony asked softly as he came into the guest room that you had taken refuge in, still taking shuddering breaths to try and get the tears to stop.

They wouldn’t stop.

“I-I’m fine, get back to Morgan.”

“Hey.” Tony’s voice had a gentle sternness that caused you to look over your shoulder as you sat on the guest bed. 

“You can talk to me. Morgan’s preoccupied with a masterpiece that’s got your name on it. I even put on Lilo and Stitch. We have about an hour and some change, not including me checking on her to be sure we’re not going to have the house burn down on us. Just you and me, babe.”

You don’t know why, but that made you fall apart even more.

Thankfully, Tony was quick to get to the bed and pull you into his lap and let you just... cry. Right into the fabric of his thankfully black shirt.

It’s times like these you were thankful to have him as your rock.

Eventually, the tears ran dry, and you were quick to tell Tony to check on Morgan. You didn’t want her to see you like this. Something made you feel like you just couldn’t forgive yourself if she saw you this way.

You’re her mother. You’re supposed to be strong. For her.

And yet here you were.

Tony was back in a flash, holding what you could only assume was tea.

He handed it to you and urged you to take a sip before pressing a lingering kiss to the top of your head.

“Do you think it’s time?” He questioned quietly. You could hear the shaking in his voice when he asked. He was scared to face it too, which made you feel a little better.

After smacking your lips from sipping the tea you nodded slowly.

“I.. I think it might be.”

Both of you exhaled as you looked at the open door of the guest room, hearing Morgan talk to the characters on the screen as if she could hear what she said.

Tony rubbed his face momentarily before letting his forehead rest on your shoulder, an arm wrapping around your middle.

“Tomorrow,” you mumbled out. “Tomorrow we’ll do it.”

Tony let out a noise in agreement before lifting his head up to press a kiss to your temple.

“We can do this.”

You both, as a matter of fact, could not.

Right after you put Morgan to bed, you and Tony talked about your reaction to the question which caused a few more tears, but you had it under control by now.

After that, Tony was up all night working on a project due to his anxiety while you constantly checked on Morgan as she slept, trying to figure out how to explain what the hell the Blip was to a child. You ended up Googling how to talk to a toddler about death, which eased your panic significantly.

Around six in the morning, you and Tony came back together with bags under your eyes from the lack of sleep and decided to make breakfast together as the coffee machine started brewing.

“Should.. Should I be the one to explain it? Or would it be better if—”

“I think we should just wait for her to ask again?" You replied, unintentionally cutting Tony off as he shut the fridge with a sock covered foot. “Sorry. At least that's what the article I read said to do..”

You let out a soft sigh and took the carton of eggs from Tony's hands as he smiled small. “We can play it by ear, how's about that?”

“Sounds like our speed," you teased gently, nudging Tony's side before he let out a quiet snort, starting to dig around for some chocolate chips.

In a flash, breakfast was done and Morgan was happily shoving pieces of chocolate chip pancakes in her mouth while you and Tony watched her fondly at the sides of your table.

It was normal, actually. It made you forget you hadn't slept that night worrying about answering Morgan's questions she had, and Tony seemed like some tension was taken off his shoulders for once.

You two were probably worried for nothing.

Once breakfast was done, Morgan demanded she help with the dishes and you happily obliged by getting her small step-stool she used to brush her teeth in your bathroom while Tony gathered everything that needed to be washed. You stood behind Morgan and showed her how to wash the plates you had all used before passing it to Tony who would dry it and put it on the dish rack.

As soon as you finished, Tony had excused himself to the bathroom while you held out a hand towel to dry Morgan's hands before realizing she was looking at the picture Tony had of himself and Peter on the shelf next to a photo of his father.

"Is that Uncle Peter?" Morgan asked softly, seeming mesmerized by the still. You glanced at the picture with a smile and nodded feeling her hands lay in the hand towel.

"Yeah. It's your Uncle Pete."

She fell quiet again as you rubbed her hands, preparing for what other questions she could potentially have.

"Where is he? 'nd Nana?"

Exactly how she phrased the question yesterday. You took a quiet breath in through your nose and leaned down to Morgan's level, throwing the towel over your shoulder.

"Peter and Nana got Blipped."

Morgan scrunched her face up in confusion and you carried on.

"Do you remember the stories Daddy told you? The one with the evil grape that he defeats to save the princess?"

Morgan let out a giggle at the mention before nodding, your hand pushing back some of her bed head that's starting to fall into her eyesight. "The evil grape made Peter and Nana vanish."

"Like the people they talk about on the news?"

"Yes," you answered slowly, raising a brow, "just like the news. Have you been watching the news with Daddy again?"

"No.."

You gave Morgan a fond glare before leaning down to pick her up and place her on your hip the best you could. "You, little lady, are too young to watch the news by yourself."

"But—"

You playfully shushed her before Tony came back in, looking at the two of you confused.

"What are you two plotting?" He asked, hands landing on his hips as Morgan moved to hide her face in your neck.

"Someone has been watching the news by herself again," you said, resting your head on top of Morgan's as she tried to hide her laughter. "I was also talking to her about the evil grape that made Peter and Nana vanish."

Tony reacted silently so Morgan didn't know he knew what you two were talking about, nodding. 

"Well," Tony started, keeping the same tone as he walked over to the two of you, "sounds like we might need to cut TV time down for that someone if she keeps watching the news without Daddy present, hm?"

Morgan popped her head out in an instance and pouted at her father. "But, Daddy!"

"No buts, Miss! I've told you, no Fox News—"

"But they were talkin' about you and Uncle Peter!"

That made you and Tony freeze.

"Me and Uncle Pete?" Tony questioned, looking at his daughter with confusion. "What'd they say?"

"Somethin' about snappin' and dust," Morgan replied, waving her hand around like she saw you and Tony do many a time, "nothin' too serious."

You and Tony looked at each other as he tilted his head in your direction.

With a sigh, you shifted Morgan on your hip. "Fine, go and watch it."

"Mama, can I join?!"

"No, Maguna—"

"Pleeeeease?"

You let out a long sigh before letting her feet touch the kitchen tile as Tony turned the den's TV on. "Fine. You're not watching anything else later though. We've gotta work on your homework."

Morgan took off running in her PJ's happily heading towards Tony's lap with a loud 'kay!

A smile worked its way onto your face once you were alone in the kitchen.

You'd like to think you handled the situation as well as you could for the time being. You're sure it's only a matter of time until Morgan asks more questions. And when that time comes, you'll be ready to face it head on.

[monsterkingdom]

Heya! welcome to the masterpost I’m making to keep track of how I view my Wandersong AU that I’ve dubbed

Eya-Born

Read below!

Concept

The concept of this AU is very simple! Kiwi -- our Bard-- is a being made directly from Eya. That is to say, they are basically a demi-god.

When setting up to finally have the passing of the Universe -- Singing her song again-- Many know of the Hero who is sent to usher out this task within its final moments.

What if, before even that prophetic dream and entities start truly deteriorating-- She made a being to also challenge the idea with the knowledge of the ever so elusive Earthsong. That’s where this AU comes in!

Beginning

Eya created a being to see how much the world truly is in disarray and attempt to remedy it in their own way. A being free from fate. Free-will was her emphasis... as well as her attunement to magic-- which by default meant music.

They were sent to the Earth the Wandersong Universe knows... Specifically to a woman living in a city in the midst of industrial change. Riddled with loneliness due to a husband who got too into his work and guilt.

Seeing such an ailed child on her doorstep, a scenario one only hears in fairytales... She took the child in wholeheartedly, worrying who would leave them in such a state. After searching for the origins to no avail, she decided to raise them as her own.

Under the name Jack. Named after the fabled protagonist of many fairytales and rhymes... it seemed fitting based on their circumstances.

And thus, begins the bard’s life.. full of normality in every sense of the word.

....almost every sense of the word.

The magical properties of their music were always something they grew up with. Though, it didn’t do too much... Their mother assumed that the child was most likely part witch. As simple as that.

As least... as simple as trying to mask their child’s slightly pink tinged hair with several different hats upon growing up. Thankfully, Chismest was starting its headstrong course on being perpetually cold and gloomy by the bard’s early years and being bundled up was definitely inevitable indoors and out.

Cutting forward to the events of Wandersong, many of everything ended up panning out the same. The prophetic dreams, ghastly encounters, universal fates amounting to nothing, so on and so forth...

The not-so-Earthsong was sung. The world was saved... the zip and zap from the dreamtower was done and the dialogue with Eya congratulating them begins. However... as she starts prepping to send them off. A rumble occurs... the clouds separate and palms grasp the platform the three of them stand on.

Reunion

(now please enjoy this minor comic I did half a year ago)

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(ok end back to writing)

Kiwi then began-- as Eyala once put it-- “vicariously feeling Eya’s love through everything in the world” (paraphrasing this btw)

However, there’s... quite a lot of love to feel. Especially when you’re not used to it. That happiness... that joy... starts feeling a bit weird when you can’t turn it off.

Needless to day Kiwi didn’t adapt well.

Though... Eya, in all her overseeing capabilities... seemed to have a detached reaction to the whole situation.

“Oh fine fine...” she waved her hand slightly... the hue in Kiwi’s face settling a bit, though their face still bore an expression that showed they were still under some of the emotional weight of the whole thing.

“I suppose it is a bit much all at once... You’d probably be better off having it opened but unleashed through your own discoveries.”

Before Miriam could question further, the goddess’ gaze shifted to that of her Angelic assistance, who was watching the whole thing rather speechlessly.

“Eyala, dearest...” the melodic voice of Eya’s godly tones spooled out toward her, “I’m putting you in charge of guiding them through the basics.”

“M-Me, Eya?” She hesitantly replied, “I mean... of course!” she sputtered out.

“Eeeeeeexcellent” she chimed, “We can see they’re already experiencing increased empathy... maybe in due time they’ll be able to discover their other properties. The bard may excel beyond your basic prowess later on, Eyala, but your knowledge is a wonderful base for the poor dear...”

Eyala wordlessly nodded, clearly not about to speak up about the whole ordeal Kiwi had gone through in front of the goddess herself,

“In any case... I am greatly pleased with your performance, child. As a reminder, this is my gift to you. The locks are now undone... all that is needed is for you to learn. Maybe then you’ll be ready to take it in this way.” she smiled, eye crinkling with pleasure as Miriam helped Kiwi to their feet,

“Eyala will assist you in any way she can... She’ll probably teach you how to contact her with ease after this. However, I must leave you now... re-establishing the universe that was saved and all” she chuckled about it, hair slowly enveloping her face before she began receding into the clouds once more.

The godly presence left in an instant, leaving the trio to stand bewildered on the platform once more.

“So...” Eyala began.

“...Is she... normally like that?” Kiwi wheezed out, finally gathering their bearings.

“Yeah... she didn’t sound empathetic like the tales blab about her being.”

Eyala frowned at the two of them and clapsed her hands together, “She tries her best... but, she doesn’t get to experience things as much as she used to. Though, her love for everything is still here...”

The angel sighed and floats closer to Kiwi, holding their face slightly. A bit more tenderly than the goddess did to them previously,

“We’re gonna make this easier for you, lil’ B. I promise.”

Learning

Kiwi-- being a direct piece of Eya as opposed to a simple messenger like Eyala-- had a lot more going for them in terms of connections to things. As someone who normally was pretty darn good at burying their feelings into the dirt, suddenly feeling a good amount of what everything else did along with their own weird doubts was quite a bunch to take in.

They went through with their hellos and good-byes, keeping their misty tears in as best they could. They met up with their mother during... trying desperately to hold their tongue as she rambled on about their ‘long lost’ father finally come home... hoping all of them could live normal again. That they could be normal.

They were whisked home in the  late evening after staying with Miriam for dinner... holding her closer than ever in their ever-so-tired arms... before letting her drift into the night sky and drift to their bed.

Only to be unable to sleep due to all the sudden emotions they felt. Realizing... ever suddenly.. a lot of them were from the people they interacted with. It was like having thousands of voices and waves of feelings hit you in a chaotic, nonsensical cacophony. It all felt like static, their brain muddled with thoughts not quite their own. They shook their head and for the first time in a while... they cried.

They felt the immense weight of these feelings drag down their face, the tears building and washing over their cheeks relentlessly. They couldn’t tell if they were happy, scared, or sad. Or if it was even them that felt this way.

A hand touched their shoulder, a familiar glow next to them. Kiwi needn’t even look to know it was Eyala again. checking in on them, most likely.

“Hey... Lil’ B.” her voice whispered, “I know it’s... a lot. You’re being left on a pretty bad note.” Kiwi turned,, face still full of tears and their voice caught in their throat from.. well... everything. They simply nodded in agreement.

Even Eyala could see the visible strain on Kiwi’s face.. and very well knew the reason why, “ Here. Let’s start with this instead... and I can help with the contact stuff tomorrow. We gotta help you filter this all out.” She held their hands in hers, rubbing their palms with her thumbs, “Just... focus on me. Okay? It helps to have something to think about other than people... “

Kiwi nodded... and looked Eyala over. Her hair effortlessly floating behind her in its usual ever-shifting hue... her smile, small, but visible. They could read the concern on her despite having most visible features omitted... Eyala was good at that. Expressing herself through motion and all. It reminded Kiwi of themself.

Without realizing it-- they found their head suddenly empty... well. mostly. There was still that static tingle in the back of their head. Near their neck, it felt. Almost like forgetting something important... but they pushed it down. Much like anything else they felt in the past... and let out a shaky sigh.

“That better...?”

Kiwi nodded again, looking at their hand for a sense of stability now.

It glowed... not much but. It was just a tinge... ever slightly lighter than the darkness surrounding them and Eyala, “So...” they scratchily started, “I’m really...”

“A real child of Eya. Not just in... like... a collective universe sense. Yeah.”

“Wow...”

--WIP ATM BC BED--

[marcholasmoth]

OSRR: 2283

i did a bunch of work today. kinda exhausted.

i attended and took notes in class, i cleaned my room and went through my wardrobe to get rid of stuff in the first real clothing purge of the last like five years, and then i did all of the assignments that were due for earth science before 6pm, which was weird for me bc i usually do them after everything else during the day. but i had time, so i did them early. i also listened to two sections of math lecture, so i can do homework for that section tomorrow, and maybe get a head start on the rest of my exhaustive list of homework for each day of the rest of the semester. quite literally, i made a list. numbered it, put in all of my assignments and when i'd do them, so i have it all laid out in front of me so i can keep to the schedule, because if i fall behind any more i will not finish the semester. but i have to, and i have to have something to show to my professor tomorrow to let her know i'm not giving up, but that instead it's my mental inertia that is really preventing me from being productive. mental inertia is what i'm calling my brain's unwillingness to do a single fuckin thing on any given day. because of the definition and practical understanding of inertia, it means though that if i want it to move, i have to move it myself. i have to push it. because that's really what i'm dealing with - an unwilling blob of disaster that has a decent ability to function if it ever gets off its ass. so i need the motivation to push that blob until it starts sliding. lots of principles of physics here: inertia, forces, static and kinetic friction. yknow, the drill.

anyway, i'm proud of myself for today, even though it feels like i missed doing stuff. breaking things down into specific details helps me, so having a day-by-day calendar that goes line by line telling me what i need to do on a given day will help me push my dumbass brain into gear. it's a variation, i suppose, on the block method of task organization andrew tells his clients about. sticky notes worked for a semester. a detailed planner worked really well for a semester. so now, straight-up pads of paper will have to work for the rest of the semester. i need to rotate my methods so i don't get complacent and ignore things, like i can easily do if things are uniform and are exactly the same. which is why a list is easier i guess, because yes it's all supposed to look the same, but it's a different visual thing than a wall of brightly-colored sticky notes that end up blending into the faded yellow wall. which is a problem i have. so. i'd like to go back to the planner thing, but that also worked best when i was on campus and not stuck at home for school stuff.

also i talked to joel a little bit today. sort of a normal interaction: he asked me if i wanted to fight, i begged for death, he said no, i said why, he gave some bullshit answer, then we changed the topic. kinda funny tbh, that's sort of our way of checking in on each other. it allows me to actually tell him how i'm feeling, and while he doesn't give up much information himself, a lot of it is supporting me and my nonsense and buffoonery as i simply exist as a ball of Anxiety™ that stress-cleans and vibrates in place as i contemplate the tasks i must complete. today was an anxiety day, so i told him. [it's nice to tell someone things about my emotional state and for them to take me and what i say at face value instead of trying to break me down into pieces of "drama" and "not drama," because that's what my mom does. if i feel too much, her first response is "what's real and what's drama," or "you're being dramatic," or some other equally bullshit gaslighting of my emotional state that's fuckin fragile in the first place. like, listen linda. "what's real" all of it. "what's drama" none of it, you moldy peach pit. i feel what i feel, and you are not allowed to tell me that what i'm feeling isn't real, so shut your mouth and sit the fuck down, you melted stick of unsalted butter.] but yeah. joel actually listens and i love the shit out of him for it.

and lastly, i watched a christmas movie. by myself. before thanksgiving. but. in my defense, it was about a struggling writer at a writing conference who ends up repeatedly unknowingly bumping into the keynote speaker, a published author of whom she happens to be a fangirl in increasingly embarrassing situations at first. and then they're paired as writing buddies for the conference, and he gives her pointers and they banter and work together and it's just really cute and the Drama occurs when he's trying to tell her he's the author but she keeps rushing to go somewhere and it's the keynote and the author walks in and it's HIM. THE DRAMA. THE BETRAYAL. THE YEARNING. and then he comes to her dad's house and surprises her on christmas day with a letter from a publisher bc her revised copy of her manuscript was really good bc of all the help he gave her and the experiences they shared and all the good stuff and she said it was basically a happy ever after, to which he replied, "i guess it is." and then she says, "so kiss me already," and points to the mistletoe above them and it's SO CUTE AND SWEET AND I ALMOST CRIED.

but anyway, i feel like a hypocrite because christmas!! shouldn't!! happen!! before!! thanksgiving!! that's!! a!! rule!! and i HATE IT when people put up christmas decorations in early november, but at this point i'm accepting that it's something that gives people joy so i really shouldn't step on that. it's just. learning to accept that people enjoy certain things and i should encourage them instead of rag on them for it. i'm not perfect. i'm still learning. and i want to be a kinder person to people, more loving and accepting and supportive, and i'm slowly overcoming my own hatred of things as i grow and distance myself further from the shit that made me this way. i'm learning! if i make a mistake please tell me gently, because i want to be better but i also have RSD and i WILL shut down and tear myself down forever if i am told harshly bc that's just how i am. i'm trying to get over it a little at a time by accepting things as time goes on, but in the meantime i need help. so that's all, i guess.

thanks for reading and for caring, i love you guys and i hope you're enjoying things that being you joy, even if other people give you shit for it. i will do my best to support you!

also if you're in the US and are of voting age and are registered and haven't already voted, GO VOTE TOMORROW. some states have same-day registration, so bring an ID and go register if you need to. this election will determine our futures - i know so many of us are in circumstances that would be harmed if we had another four years of the racist orange peel in office now, so i know many others who may straight-up die because of it. we need protections. we need to have our rights protected. we need to have our lives protected. and we can't do that with the damaged candy corn in office for any longer. he'a already fucked with us enough. we can't afford any more of it. now i'm just angry ranting. please, go vote for joe biden. politics is like public transit: if there's no train going exactly where you need to go, you don't just not get on the train. you take the one that gets you the closest, and work your way from there. that's joe biden. and, if biden does indeed win, our fights aren't over. we have people we need to protect from the conservatives and racists and white supremacists that exist goddamn everywhere. we need to keep reminding people that it's our responsibility to take care of one another in every way we can. there's a laundry list of things that needs to be fixed; unfortunately they won't happen all at once. so we have to keep fighting, no matter who's in office. VOTE.

VOTE.

[sirenfromthelostcity]

The Most Pt. 1

A/N: Okay so this is my first ever John Wick fic! In a nutshell, it’s basically like a mentor X student AU. I don’t know why but i couldn’t get that idea out of my head and i really wanted to write it, so here! It’s called The Most bc it reminds me of the song with the same title from Miley Cryrus’s new EP. I wouldn’t say the fic is inspired by the song, not entirely at least, but idk to me it just vibes with it (if that makes any sense? i feel like once the second part is out it might make more sense?). This fic is intended to have a second part so that shall also be posted shortly as i have another mini John Wick fic i wanna start and i also want to write the second part to my short Spider-Man fic. I’m so excited about this story y’all! I hope you all enjoy it! As always, feedback is always appreciated. Without further ado, enjoy! :))))

Words: 2.7k+

Today marks the fourth and a half year that you’ve been under John Wick’s tutelage. Only six more months left and John will have had completed his marker. Initially, John was rather reluctant to be your instructor but the marker held by your father gave him no other choice but to abide by your father’s request to turn you into a formidable assassin. Who better to teach you than the infamous John Wick himself?

In the beginning of your training journey, John didn’t bother to hide his reluctance in your father’s request. This made things rather difficult until one day you decided to confront him about his behavior. He was in his study, probably searching for a way to get out of having to train you, when you knocked to let your presence be known then proceeded to enter.

“Evening, Mr. Wick, call me crazy, but I’m getting an inkling that you don’t want to train me.”

He scoffed.

“Believe me, I get it. I bet you’d really rather not have me intercepting with your lonesome peace and quiet but the bottom line is that I have to do this too and I have to learn it all to be as good as you. Maybe not exactly as good as you, but good enough to have me not die immediately as that would be, despite your current opinion of me, quite upsetting.”

He silently glared at you for a long minute, still not very much pleased with his current situation, “Why do you want to do this?”

“Want, who said anything about want? You may be bound by a marker, Mr. Wick, but I’m bound by my family to learn and master everything that there is to know about how to thrive in this lifestyle to survive in it.”

The room remained uncomfortably silent for sometime but you still didn’t falter in your stance.

“Before me who did you train with?” he asked.

“Well I was being trained in Krav Maga by Gabriel Avdeyev for some time but he and my family had a falling out and-–”

“I heard,” he sighed. “.... Based on the results of your initial assessment you have a lot to improve on. For starters, the way you initiate your attacks are okay but they will need to be refined or you will be killed. Get some rest. Tomorrow at dawn we will continue your training.”

Despite knowing John couldn’t actually purposely hurt or kill you, he was still very intimidating and the confrontation was rather hard to execute. But, it paid off.

Training with the notorious John Wick also meant living with him and sometimes that involved taking care of each other. Along with being a good fighter and shooter, John also stressed that one needs to know how to properly patch themselves up. He’s given you medical lessons before but to really teach you, one night he decided to not go to his usually doctor for a patch up but to go directly to you instead and see what you’ve retained from your lessons. When that great idea struck him it was in the middle of the night and he gave you quite a fright when he went into your room all bloody. You almost shot him with the gun you had hidden under your pillow if it weren’t for his quick reflexes which actually made you feel really impressed considering he was critically injured.

“Are you serious, John?” you asked, rather irked at being abruptly awoken at three in the morning.

“No, I’m bleeding. Now get up, this is part of your training. Time to see how much you’ve retained from those medical lessons,” he grunted as another pang of pain struck his lower abdomen.

You promptly threw your covers over your body and got out of bed before leading him to the bathroom where the first aid kit was kept. After finding the source of his bleeding you unbuttoned his shirt and got to work. Under the circumstances, seeing John shirtless wasn’t at all awkward. However, ogling his exposed chest was the last thing on you mind considering how he was bleeding an awful lot from his lower abdomen.

“Jesus what did they nick you with? This looks really bad,” you comment as you inspect the wound.

“Broken bottle of champagne. Try to avoid those in the future, they can be pretty tricky to fix.”

“Yeah, no shit,” you proceeded to clean the wound and remove any stray traces of glass, subconsciously taking quick glances at him whenever he winced. “Do you need anything for the pain?”

“Do you happen to have bourbon in any of these cabinets?”

“No, but I wouldn’t really recommend that considering how alcohol consumption can actually thin your blood out and make you bleed more.”

“But it does help with the pain.”

“Mmmmm, I’d still wager more on the pills designed specifically for that.”

John huffed. At this point you’re finally starting to stitch up his wound but his pained grunts make it a little difficult to focus.

“Are you okay?”

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing I’m not used to.”

“That’s so sad, John,” you paused to briefly glance at him. “Also super broody. We get it, you’re a badass.”

“A bad ass? That seems rude,” he sarcastically replied.

“Oh, my god, you’re actually joking with me for the second time this night. Don’t think I missed that dad joke earlier with the ‘No, I’m bleeding,’” you imitated his gruff voice and lightly laughed. “Good one, John.”

The small smile subconsciously remained on your face for a few seconds longer and John couldn’t help but admire how nicely it adorned your face. You caught him vaguely looking at you but simply assumed blood loss had something to do with the way he was looking at you. He turned away before you could even question your hypothesis.

“Well, we’re all done now. With the abdomen wound at least,” you noticed he’s also bleeding from his head and move to inspect it but his hands reached out and gently grabbed your wrists.

“It’s alright, (Y/N), I can take care of the rest, you’ve done good with the ugliest of them.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, John, I’m here now and I’ve got this for you.”

Never one to waste words, John remained silent which you took as a go ahead.

Thankfully the injuries on his head were nothing more than a few small cuts. At least on that night they were. Some nights John would come back with much rougher cuts, clearly showing that whoever he had fought had certainly put up a good fight but not quite good enough to best John Wick. Still, not only did cleaning his injuries provide you with insights to his battles, it helped you both establish a sense of trust between you two.  

After that night, rather than go to his usual doctor John began going straight to you for his patch ups. Could he have chosen to start going to you simply because it’s quicker than stopping by The Continental first and then home? Possibly. The reason for him basically appointing you as his patch up doc never really came up but you didn’t really care. By then your affection and attachment to John was beginning to grow so you didn’t mind being the one to help him feel better after a difficult job. Not to mention that tending to his wounds meant having a good excuse to touch him. Not while overstepping your boundaries, of course, but sometimes it was just nice to be able to be able to grab his hands without it being weird. Tending to the cuts on his face was something you always saved for last. It was your chance to really admire his facial features up close while simultaneously healing it. Sometimes you were so gentle with him that he actually managed to doze off and you were able to tell when it happened because he’d look so relaxed and serene. When you had to wake him up, although you didn’t want to but you knew he’d sleep much more comfortably in his bed than in a stiff chair, he’d always apologize for falling asleep which in effect often lead you both to joke about it. However, you swear that you caught him blushing the first few times it happened and when it did it just felt so, human…

You and John have really come a long way in terms of tolerating each other and actually bonding together. You both truly did. Because John is your instructor and you are over a decade younger than him, your relationship with him was purely professional. However, after about two years of training with him, your feelings for him continued to evolve into a much more stronger and different kind of admiration.

Are you in love with The Baba Yaga?

The answer to that would be a very strong perhaps. When you and John were briefed on the deal of the marker, you were supposed to learn about weapons training, fighting forms, assassination techniques, melee weapons training, etc. You were to learn how to become a proficient and deadly assassin, such as John, not about love or anything else that might be considered a weakness.

You hardly ever give yourself the chance to ponder on your feelings for John, much less at the possibility that he could possess the same feelings of affection towards you. It’s not as if you believe that the less you think or talk about it the less real it is, you aren’t that naive. You’ve simply decided long ago that you’re not going to act on your feelings for John. Love or anything remotely close to that is just not in the cards for people like you and John. At least that’s what you keep repeating to yourself.

Still, with your training nearing to an end you’ve been feeling really glum about it. Training with the notorious John Wick hasn’t been easy but living with and falling in love with the real man behind the legend was so foolishly easy. John is an extremely proficient killer, that much is true, but he is also a man. John is a man with dry humor, a latent love for the simpler things in life, a fun penchant for stunt driving and cars, kind and gentle eyes, and, surprisingly but also not really, a man of a very chivalrous nature. Despite the initial turbulence in your mentor-student relationship, you and John inevitably became good friends which really allowed you to see him under a different light. He often took you out to nice dinners claiming that he wanted a change of scenery from an uneventful day or simply because you did very well while training. Either way you enjoyed your outings with him and also simply appreciated being in an entirely different place, not being reminded of the person you’re supposed to become. However whenever you got injured while training to become that person, John would actually help patch you up. Although he’s taught you how to do so yourself, John would claim the medical lessons were mainly for when you are by yourself and have no one to help you and he’d remind you that he’s there with you now. Which is pretty similar to what you’ve told him the first time you helped patch him up now that you think of it. For an assassin who’s extremely well known for his brutal techniques and merciless takedowns, it astounded you to learn that the same man can also be so gentle. You’re not even officially leaving yet but you already know just how badly you’re going to miss John Wick.

In spite of yourself choosing to not focus on a particular set of feelings held for a particular person, today your brain can’t help but do the exact opposite. Today, John decided to focus more on Brazilian Jui-Jitsu. Little to your knowledge, John actually enjoys training you in this fighting form because these techniques allow a weaker or smaller attacker to successfully overpower a stronger opponent by manipulating the human body and redirecting it’s force. Therefore, if you do it right, you could use the opponent's strength against them and take them down. Usually you do very well in this form of martial arts but today John is able to tell you’re not fully there with him. Although John is very good at Brazilian Jui-Jitsu you’re level of skill is practically on par with his as well and you’re current struggle to beat him is alerting him.

Currently, John has you in locked in a rear choke hold on the ground, with one arm wrapped around your neck, his other arm around your free arm, and one leg wrapped around your other arm preventing you from breaking free. You struggle for a few seconds, realizing there’s no use, he’s already one this match, and grunt in frustration. John loosens his grip around you but doesn’t fully release you yet, he brings his lips close to your ear, “What’s wrong?”

The feel of his breath on your skin sends shivers down your spine, yet you quickly and physically swat those thoughts to the side and shake your head, “Right now you have me in a choke hold and I can’t get out of it, John. I don’t know about you but this seems like a pretty big issue for me.”

John instantly releases his grip on you and rises up, he’s about to lend you a hand to get up as well but you’ve already beaten him to that.

“That’s not what I meant, (Y/N). Tell me, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong,” you insist. “What makes you think something’s wrong?”

“For starters, I’ve been kicking your ass in this all day when I know I’ve taught you better than that. And for another, you just seem very distracted today.”  

John is as perceptive as he is deadly, which is why you don’t bother lying to him again and instead insist on continuing to train.

You look down for a second before looking up, making sure to avoid his concerned gaze, “Look, John, do you mind if we just call it in for the day?”

“Something is wrong,” he states.

“John,” you impatiently groan.   

“Why won’t you just tell me what the issue is?”

“Because there’s nothing you can do about it!” you snap and instantly regret it, rubbing at your temples. “Okay, I did not mean to say it like that. I’m sorry. I just need to cool off right now, John…”

This time you don’t wait for permission and simply walk away, however, John doesn’t try to stop you either. Not because he doesn’t care, quite the contrary in fact. Concerned and confused, John intently watches you head towards your room. He begins to trail after you but halts in his steps deciding that right now the  best option would be to give you your space. Still, John can’t help but wonder about what could possibly be troubling your mind so much and why you refuse to speak of it.

He glances one last time in the direction you previously walked in before heading towards the kitchen and serving himself a shot of bourbon.

“You can’t do anything about it!” your words replay in his mind.

“She’ll tell me when she’s ready,” he mentally tells himself. “We’ll figure it out then.”

John downs two more shots, currently finding it difficult to dwindle his concern and thoughts of you, before taking off in the direction of his room. He encounters the door to your bedroom on his way and halts at the entrance. He balls his hand into a fist and raises it to knock on your door but slowly brings it down and proceeds to head to his room. After finally entering his room, he gives your door one last glance before closing his door and retreating to his room for the remainder of the day.

[lesterlatte]

In the Dawn of Danger (Chapter 1)

Fandom: Henry Danger

Chapter: 1

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18661309/chapters/44255260

Words: 1138

Warnings: Swearing (more may be added later)

Here we are lads, Chapter one of my first ever Multi-part Henry Danger fic! It’s also my first piece of angsty ish writing for the fandom so its all completely new to me. Angst seems to be the fandom’s new obsession and I’m honestly loving it haha

I hope I am able to actually finish this entire fic and not nope out halfway through.

Tags: (don’t feel pressured to read this! I just want to show some appreciation to this amazing fandom) I feel like Niah needs a specific S/O here bc shes the reason I actually came through and made the final decision to start this because of her replies to my posts about it. Ilysm girl! Also wanna tag ya’ll for being the best ily all <3 @up-the-tube @bijerbear @xanderdewitt @max-thunderman @ciara-knightly @youngbloodthekilljoy (if you want to be tagged in updates lmk and I’ll add you~)

“Watch out Captain Man and Kid Danger. I’m coming for you and your precious little town and you’ll just have to sit and watch as I destroy everything and everyone you love...

Dawn is coming...”

Henry knew, as soon as the video message ended, that they were all fucked. Even though Ray was indestructible he knew deep down that would not be enough to keep them all safe if this person meant every word they said.

In the time Henry had been Kid Danger he had never felt true dread from the job but somehow this villain, dressed up in an abyss of black material which covered their face rendering them unrecognisable, had an aura of pure evil and Henry didn't like it one bit.

He closed his eyes, a hand roughly brushing through his hair through pure habit, and turned towards everyone else. Ray was still hyper fixated on the screen, not even sparing a glance from it. It was clear that even he couldn't figure out what to do as if he had never had something of this sense of urgency. Of course all crimes were urgent but this? This was far more than your regular robbery or petty crime. This could and probably would end up being a life or death situation if they didn't act fast.

Turning around Henry saw Charlotte and Jasper sitting on the couch, just blankly staring at each other, a mix of fear and worry painted on their features. Of course they had never even thought about this possibility, well not as much as he had anyway. Jasper turned around to face Henry with an expression which Henry could only depict as worry and a hint of hope. Hope that maybe Captain Man and Kid Danger could sort this out without a sweat but as soon as they he made eye contact with Henry that sense of hope fell.

A sharp cough could be heard from behind him. He turned to a very worried, yet composed, Charlotte.

“Okay this is bad but staring at a blank screen won't do anything to help” she got up and dragged Ray away from the screen. How could she be so calm at a time like this? If they weren't careful Swellview could be in big danger and if anything happened to the town? His family? His friends? Henry wouldn't be able to live with himself knowing he didn't prevent it happening. They had to come up with a plan.

“Charlotte I get that you're trying to help us here but this?... This is bad and as much as I hate to admit it I have no clue what the fuck we are going to do.” Henry could feel the stare Ray was giving Charlotte from the other side of the Man Cave. If looks could kill Charlotte would have been obliterated instantly.

Ray averted his glare from Charlotte and gave a forced laugh.

“This whole thing is so screwed up. In all my years i've never seen someone with an intent of murdering innocent people and just the idea of it makes me feel sick.” He fell down onto the couch with a loud thud and hung his head back.

“Well we won’t be able to do anything right now anyway because we don’t even know who this person is. I think we should just all go home and come back tomorrow ready to figure out what we’re actually going to do.” Charlotte put her hands on her hips and turned to the boys. She knew if she didn’t make them sleep they would stay up all night figuring this out but at this stage? There was nothing to use to figure this out, especially if they were all exhausted.

Henry stood up and walked over to join Charlotte.

“Guys she’s right. We’re all terrified but right now there is nothing we can do other than come back tomorrow and put all our energy into finding out who this asshole is and how to stop them.”

There was a murmur of agreement before everyone got up and said their goodbyes for the evening. They would all meet up tomorrow morning and get started on figuring out how to protect Swellview.

--------------

To say Henry had gotten no sleep last night would be an understatement. He spent most of the evening staring at the ceiling, his mind wandering off to think of the mysterious figure who had threatened the safety of the city. It was crazy to think that someone like this exists in the world but you can’t have light without darkness just like not everyone cares about other people.

He sat up and let out a large yawn before rubbing his eyes and getting up to get ready for the day. Hopefully today they could find out at least something about this person which was useful. Maybe a name? Or a rough location? This would be a good start but Henry knew that finding this asshole wouldn’t be that easy.

After grabbing an apple from the kitchen Henry wandered over to Junk N Stuff and took the elevator down to the Man Cave, to which he was partially greeted with a backhanded wave by Ray who had his nose in the monitor as he analysed the video they received last night.

“Have you figured anything out yet?” Henry moved closer to Ray and studied what he was looking at.

“Not quite. This person has made it impossible for us to locate them” he span round to face Henry and groaned.

“Why is this so hard? The last time I struggled this much with a crime was back when we had to deal with the Phone Shark but that seems like child play compared to this”

“Maybe Charlotte will have an easier time figuring this out. She’s good with this kind of thing so let’s wait for her to get here before-” at that moment the elevator opened and Charlotte stepped out and greeted them.

“Well I guess we didn’t have to wait long then” Henry let out a faint chuckle. Of course he knew how serious the situation was but he couldn’t help himself.

“Where you guys waiting for me?” Charlotte asked, wondering over to the two superheros.

“Only for the last ten seconds so don’t think that we’ve just been sitting here counting the minutes you’d take to get here” Ray stated, half jokingly, as he turned back to the screen. Henry and Charlotte made eye contact and rolled their eyes at Rays remark. They needed Charlotte there was no doubt about that, to be honest Henry would probably be dead by now if it wasn’t for her.

Moments later an audible gasp could be heard as Ray made a frantic gesture for them to come over.

“Guys… we may have a location”

[jordm]

Final Countdown

Timing in life is everything - John Sculley

A one-shot (possible multiple parter if people want more/I find time) about Modern Day AU. Focusing on that time of year (last semester exams) when everything is a little up in the air (as is where I was going with this bc i have no plans whatsoever)

Based on characters from The Gifted x

Clarice sat in the library; one hand grasping a cup of hot coffee from the local cafe and the other holding a pencil, as she tried to concentrate on the task at hand. As a science major, she’d always drawn the short straw with regards to exam schedules. Not only did she always start exams within the first few days, but they always stretched until the very end, which is why on this Thursday night, the eve of the final day of exams she found herself at the Underground - the Universities only open library.

At least this is my last exam for awhile, thought Clarice. She was taking the Summer off to travel with Lorna and Marcos before starting her masters two hours away in Atlanta and she was really looking forward to getting out of this place. Besides a few people, she really hadn’t made any close friends she hadn’t started with - not that she really even tried. Her dark - purple streaked hair made her stand out anywhere she went.

Around her, a few other students slowly trickled in, some in groups and some alone. Clarice preferred to work alone; she found that she was able to concentrate better on her own even if exam weeks got lonely, which is why she wasn’t particularly pleased when she heard someone pull up a chair beside her.

“Lorna,” Clarice said blankly. “What are you doing here? You were done exams last week.”

“I wanted to see if you wanted to go out with Marcos and me,” Lorna said. She quickly clarified her request when she saw Clarice’s face turn into a frown. “Just for food. Really quickly.”

“Lorna, you know i’d love too but tomorrows my last exam and I barely get this whole... applied physics thing,” Clarice said without looking up. “Unless you can explain the physics of black holes, I really can’t.”

Lorna was quiet before responding. “Okay fine, but set a date on your calendar for tomorrow when you’re done because we’re throwing a party at our place. She glanced at Clarice’s space, filled with empty coffee cups and papers. “And please eat.”

Clarice took a sip of her coffee and smiled begrudgingly. “I make no promises Lorna but i’m all yours tomorrow.”

“Yes!” Lorna said excitedly, a little too loud. She glanced at her watch. “Marcos isn’t meeting me for another fifteen, want some company?”

“Lorn, I love you but I need to focus,” Clarice said with a smile. “And you know I work better alone.” With that, Lorna stood up and made her leave, leaving Clarice alone with her books and her thoughts - again.

It was a few hours later when Clarice finally thought she had made some break throughs - when she finally thought that if this was all she knew, she could probably get away with maintaining her grade. It was then she glanced around the Underground and saw that it was already dark out, with the library slowly filling up with the last of the stragglers. Her once empty table was now half full and students seemed to be flocking to her area since it had the best internet connection and the most electrical sockets.

So it wasn’t surprising when saw from the corner of her eye she saw someone sit down. However, what drew her eye wasn’t the fact that the someone had sat down, but the textbook he held in his hand. She nodded in acknowledgment that they were both still here for the same reason before resuming her studying. It was only an hour later when she heard a voice breakthrough her consciousness, only to realize that the voice was talking to her.

“Hey,” the voice said. The voice belonged to a guy she had seen in her class before; but never interacted (they sat on different sides of the class). “Physics with Dr. Strucker?”

Clarice nodded. “Finally got the hang of black holes. Kind of. Can’t wait until I can throw this book into the black hole of my brain,” Clarice said wryly, not even sure if the reference checked out. She yawned. 

“It’s your final exam right?” he asked. 

“Mine too-” he added, after Clarice nodded her head in agreement. He paused before continuing, as if he wasn’t sure if he should say the next thing. “I think i’ve seen you in class.”

“Well, the class is pretty small already it’s hard not to recognize faces,” Clarice said, offering a smile. She usually wasn’t this chatty, especially the day before exam - so she didn’t know why she was continuing this conversation. Maybe she secretly liked the company, or maybe she liked knowing someone else was just as confused as she was. Perhaps she just need some human contact after more than 12 hours in the library. “Care to enlighten me about.... everything?”

“I really can’t but i’ll try,” he said. “I’m John.”

“Clarice,” she replied. “So John, tell me about Black Holes.”

It was one in the morning when the two of them finally thought they had a good grasp on the course. But then again, neither was really sure - as was everyone else in the class. In fact, a few extra stragglers had joined the group from time to time. Still, despite Clarice’s reservations about company and still wasn’t 100%, or even 75%, after talking it through the material she felt better, even if her knowledge was entirely incorrect. 

“I still don’t feel ready,” Clarice said as she packed up her books, a few minutes later when they were the last to abandon all hope. “But in the next 7 hours I’m not going to learn anything new. Thanks for the help though.”

Clarice didn’t know what came over her but John and her ended up talking - or rather studied together - for over three hours. Normally, she shyed away from study groups. She had found them unproductive and a waste of time in the past but perhaps she had it all wrong - maybe it was more about studying with like-minded people. Either way, it was entirely too late to change her past.

She didn’t know if John was one of those “like minded people” - there was a good chance she’d never see him again, but perhaps she’d give other people a chance in the future. She still wasn’t entirely sure why she was willing to study with him, or take a chance; perhaps it was out of desperateness, but she suspected had she met him earlier, they may have even been friends.

“I don’t think I ever will feel ready,” John agrees, glancing at her. “But I’ll see you at the exam?”

Clarice nodded, even though she wasn’t entirely sure she would. Frankly, she wasn’t entirely sure she wanted too.

John cracked a smile. She shot a quick text off to Lorna telling her she’s on the way home before turning to walk away. She could feel his eyes on her and she was uncomfortable with the fact that she actually enjoyed herself tonight. She was also a little struck with the fact that like everything in her life - her foster sisters adoption, her grandmother’s death - timing was and remains a bitch.

Who knows, maybe if she had met John earlier she wouldn’t have done so poorly on the first half of Applied Physics?

[sunlitblue]

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before (3)

and here’s part three! sorry, this part doesn’t have too much plot stuff, but that’s only bc the next one is gonna be pretty exciting. thank you to everyone who’s been giving this story love, you’re all angels. enjoy! <3 (also i’m still figuring out some of the plot of this, so message me w your theories on who sent the letters or send me memes u think race would tag you in!) 

part 1 / part 2 / part 4 / part 5 / part 6 / part 7 / part 8

The next day, you stayed at school a little late, figuring you could catch Race after track practice to discuss your… arrangement. It also had the added benefit of allowing you to avoid Jack, who you knew was spending most afternoons at the community theatre across town, helping them paint backdrops for an upcoming show.

 (You weren’t stalking him, or memorising his schedule, or anything. You were just observant. You took note of behaviour. That was it.)

 Race was on his last lap around the track when he saw you sitting on the bleachers. You gave him a little wave and his face lit up with a smile. He winked and kept on running. When he was done, and presumably back in the locker room, your phone pinged with four rapid texts from an unknown number.

 hey babe I’m just showering and then I’ll come see you ;)

this is race btw

i’m really good at texting like a boyfriend

fake or otherwise

Even though he couldn’t see you, you rolled your eyes anyway.

 Yeah, okay hotshot

Come find me on the bleachers when you’re ready

When Race showed up, with a red face and wet, curly hair he gave you a cheeky grin, looked around to see some of the track team boys were still milling around, and he placed a quick peck on your cheek. You didn’t let yourself blush, remembering that it was all for show, and you pulled up a Word document on your laptop.

“Okay, so, this is going to be our contract,” you said, preparing yourself for his teasing.

“We have a contract? This isn’t Suits, man. It’s a fake relationship. We don’t need a contract!” 

“Uh, we so do need a contract, Higgins! We need to draw boundaries and limits and we need to stick to them.”

 He rolled his eyes and moved a little nearer to you on the bench, so that he could see your laptop screen.

 “Wow, nothing like a list of comprehensive rules and guidelines to really bring the romance, huh?”

 “Fake-romance,” you corrected him.

 “Yeah, yeah, whatever. So, what’s first on the contract?”

 “Okay, first up, no kissing.”

 He spluttered comically for a bit.

 “No kissing? How are we supposed to convince anyone that we’re dating if we can’t kiss?”

 “Look, plenty of couples avoid PDA. We can still, like, link pinkies or whatever.”

 “Link pinkies? Wha-? Are you living in the 80s? This isn’t Grease, babe.”

 “Look, Race, physical stuff may not mean anything to you, but it’s important to me, okay?”

 “Whoever said physical stuff didn’t matter to me?”, he muttered under his breath. But, after a moment he sighed. “Fiine, put it on the contract.

 You typed it up and looked expectantly at him.

“Okay, you get no kissing, but, number two, you have to hang out with me and my friends at lunch and come to parties with me.”

“Technically, that’s two and three. And, I get parties, but why lunch?”

He stared at the ground.

“Spot always sat with us at lunch, so he’d definitely notice if you were with me and the guys.”

“Fair enough.”

You typed that, and then said, “Also, we cannot tell anyone that this is fake. Gossip spreads like wildfire at this school so nobody can know that this isn’t a real relationship. Not even Albert, or your track team buddies.”

“Obviously. And don’t act like I can’t keep secrets. You can’t tell Davey or Katherine. I had journalism with her last year and I’m pretty sure that she would disapprove of this plan.”

He was right, of course he was.

“Fine, deal. Anything else?”

“Oh! You have to come with me on the ski trip trip in December,” he said triumphantly.

Your high school’s annual ski trip was infamous for being the weekend when most of your school lost their virginity. Some schools had the night after prom, but your school had two days and a night spent in the mountains.

“The ski trip? As in the one just before Christmas break? We’d have to stay together for three months to go on that.”

“Listen, no one in a relationship would ever let their boyfriend go on that trip alone. And, if we’ve gotta keep up until then, then so be it. Spot will definitely be there, so he’ll notice if I’m with someone else. We can break up after the trip, no harm, no foul.”

“Okay, fine. But we will not be sharing a room.”

“Yeah, obviously.”

“Anything else you want me to add, oh wise one?” you asked.

“Uh, well, there is this one thing,” he said, sounding a little hesitant. You motioned for him to go on. “Well, Spot always thought it would be cute if I wrote him little letters and put them in his locker or gave them to him, or whatever, and I never did it. Um, if he saw me giving those to you, he’d probably get pretty jealous.”

“Badass Spot Conlon, who would beat up anyone who looked at him wrong wanted love letters? That’s so cute!”

“Yeah, there’s a lot more to him than just being angry and bitchy. I bet he’s got his college boyfriend writing him all sorts of letters now,” Race scoffed.

“He left you for a college guy? That’s rough, Race. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah, its whatever,” Race quickly said. “So, that’s the contract, then?”

“Yeah,” you said, satisfied.

“Perfect,” he grinned, and his blue eyes were twinkling again.

“You do know that you missed the bus today, right?” he said, after a moment.

“Uh, yeah, I was just gonna walk home.”

“Holy shit, what is it with you and walking? Do you not have your license?”

“Uh, I do. But driving terrifies me and I’d probably end up killing someone – or myself – if I drove every day. But, yeah, I don’t mind walking.”

“Well, if you’re dating me, there will be no walking. I’ll give you a lift home and a ride to school in the morning, if you want one.”

“Are you serious? You don’t need to do that, Race.”

“Nah, I want to. What kind of fake-boyfriend would I be if I didn’t?”

He smiled at you and you realised that Race had been right the day before. You could do worse. As far as fake high school boyfriends went, Race was probably one of the best options you had.

“I’d appreciate that. Thanks, Higgins.”

“No biggie. Now, let’s go. The Bachelorette is on tonight and I need to see who Becca chooses.”

Before long, Race had dropped you off at home, with a cheeky wink and promise to text. As soon as you were inside, your phone lit up with a message from him.

see ya bright and early tomorrow morning, girlfriend ;)

You rolled your eyes and typed a quick reply. Then, you went to contacts and your hand hovered over Katherine’s name. You’d have to tell her what had happened with Jack and explain that you were now (somehow) dating Race Higgins.

The phone rang twice, and you could practically hear the smile in her voice when she greeted you, as bright and cheerful as ever. You talked for a little bit about school and she told you about college and you realised that you probably couldn’t put it off for any longer. As soon as you said that you had something to tell her, she sounded more than a little worried.

“What’s up? Is everything okay?”

“This story is going to sound pretty weird but hear me out. You know when I was little, I used to write those letters to myself?”

“Yeah, you said that your mom told you to do it if you ever needed help figuring out your feelings.”

“Yeah, well, not all of the letters were to myself. I wrote some to guys I had crushes on and I swear that I never sent any of them out, but, um, somehow, some of those guys, got their letters?”

“Oh, shit. That sounds stressful. Who’d you write to?”

“That’s the thing that I need to tell you… When you first got with Jack, I thought that I was into him and I wrote him a letter. I was never going to send and I’m pretty sure I didn’t actually have feelings for him, I was just a little torn up because it felt like I was losing my best friend to my sister. But, uh, he got the letter. And, I figured that I should tell you before you heard it from someone else. And, also, uh, Race Higgins and I are dating.” The last sentence slipped out so quickly that you hoped she had missed it.

She was silent for a long time and you were worried that the phone might have died while you were talking and then, you heard a sigh.

“That is… a lot. I’m not going to lie, I am pretty pissed off right now. I don’t care if you were into Jack or not. You wrote a love letter to my boyfriend, while I was dating him. And Race Higgins? Like Spot’s Race Higgins? What the fuck? Look, I’ve got a report due tomorrow, and I really don’t need to be stressed right now, so we can just talk about this some other time.”

She was definitely mad.

“Kath, I-I’m so sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you, I swear.”

“It’s fine. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

She hung up. It was not fine. You felt like crying and crumpling yourself into a ball, when your phone pinged with a notification from Instagram.

@racehiggins tagged you in a post.

It was some stupid meme, and you knew he’d only tagged you in it because people from school would see it, but it brought a smile to your face, anyway.

Race was getting pretty good at making you smile, and you hadn’t even been fake-dating for a week. Maybe, this would all work out well.

TAGLIST: @hungoverhellhound @seriously-ceci @the-butterfly-anon @ben-cook-can-cook @pinecovewoods @brendonuriehimself

[controloffandoms]

Nightly Routine (Dick Grayson x reader)

Request: Can you do dick x reader where nightwing had a habit of always visiting reader whose his gf but she doesn't know it's him during patrol via a balcony or window or something to flirt and joke around and then one night he comes in badly injured and he goes to her bc he knows she'd help him and she helps patching him up and he forgets his in his uniform and makes a move, moving in and she responds and they start macking out but then they realise what's happening and she's thinking oh no he's ++ going to think I'm a cheater after they pull away and before he leaves she tells him to wait and confesses that she knew that it was him for a while now after she picked up it after seeing him visit and flirt she just figured it out and he's relieved and fluff 😚😊

Pairing: Dick Grayson x Reader

Words: 1267

Warnings: mentions of Blockbuster beating Dick up.

Author’s Note: I read a lot of Dick Grayson x reader to get in the mood for writing this one. I’m sorry it took so long Anon! Also, tips for writing for any of the bats, listen to the batman soundtrack. It’s a great motivator

The first time the vigilante of Bludhaven showed up at your window, you were surprised. Well, surprised was a bit of an understatement. Surprised would suggest that you were mildly shocked. Let’s just say that you were in major shock as you stared at the vigilante. Your boyfriend, Dick Grayson, was out with some friends and here you were thinking you were going to have a quiet night in.

“Are you going to invite me in,” he asked in a light tone.

“Are you going to explain why you’re here,” you replied in the same tone.

He chuckled before replying, “I will if you let me come in.”

You rolled your eyes slightly before opening your window fully. “So what brings the great Nightwing to my window at 1:30 in the morning,” you asked.

“It’s been a slow night and I saw your light on. Thought I would meet one of the people I protect,” he stated as he laid on the bed.

“While that is very sweet, my boyfriend would probably be a little angry with me for letting a stranger into our apartment and letting him lie on the bed,” you responded.

“I’m pretty sure your boyfriend would be okay with this. I’ve saved him a couple of times, actually,” he smirked.

“Right. Because this isn’t the slightest bit creepy.”

“Just like to make sure everyone’s safe.”

“So I guess you’ll be checking in on Miss Herron next,” you questioned innocently.

“Now you are taking it too far.”

Before I could respond, his watch beeped. He sighed as he read it then turned to me as he walked towards the window. “Sorry I have to cut this short. You should really go to bed. After all, it’s almost two in the morning.”

________________________________

It was the fifth night and it was nearing two o’clock in the morning. You were slightly worried about Nightwing, he usually popped up by now. Yes, it was weird, your boyfriend working late nights at the station so you look forward to talking with the masked man that has saved your city more times than you can count.

You hear a light rap on the window pane and turn to see Nightwing letting himself in. “Sorry I’m late, a bust went longer than I thought it would. But it is all worth it to see your beautiful face.”

You blushed before rolling your eyes. “I have a boyfriend, remember.”

“Oh I know. It was merely a compliment for a pretty girl. Nothing more. Unless you want it to be.” You rolled your eyes and shook your head. Sometimes you wondered why you looked forward to talking with the vigilante.

“I do not. I have an amazing boyfriend whom I love dearly.” You couldn’t help but admit that Nightwing did remind you of your boyfriend. Same colored hair. Same build. Sometimes their voices sounded the same. It didn’t help your skeptical mind that whenever Nightwing showed up, Dick was nowhere to be seen-

“Penny for your thoughts,” Nightwing asked as he sat on the open window seal.

You obviously couldn’t tell him your exact line of thinking. That might not go over well. “I was just thinking about how you remind me of my boyfriend. You’re just as flirty as he is and you make me feel the same amount of safe that I feel when I’m around him. Though that’s probably just because I know you as someone that saves people. I mean, I guess that’s why I like talking to you so much because I don’t get to see Dick as often as I would like and you maybe fill that void.”

You looked up to find Nightwing speechless. “Oh, God I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make it sound like that. I do enjoy talking to you and I promise I don’t always think of you like my boyfriend. I like the honest talks we can have before you get called away to save the city. I love listening to you talk about the crime you’ve stopped before showing up at my window. I’m not meaning to sound like I use you or something. Look, I really don’t want to mess this up. I really like your friendship and I just th-”

“Hey, you’re fine. I understand. Look, I’ve got a robbery in process, but I promise I’ll come back tomorrow.”

His voice, it was so gentle. Just like how Dick’s was whenever you were upset. You can’t deny that you watched Nightwing’s backside as he walked back to the window and left. You also can’t deny that his ass looks exactly like your boyfriend’s.

That’s when everything clicked together. Dick was Nightwing. Nightwing was Dick. Dick was out there putting himself on the line every night as Nightwing and still putting his life on the line as Dick Grayson, Police officer during the day. But why wouldn’t he tell you?

____________________________

Sometimes Nightwing would come to you after he’d battled a more experienced villain and ask you to help him stitch up the places he couldn’t reach. Day twenty-five was no different other than these were the worst injuries you’ve seen your boyfriend have. Yes, you’ve figured out Nightwing was Dick Grayson. You may or may not have snooped around the apartment one day to finally end your suspicions and found a red Nightwing suit. You guessed it was his backup if the blue one was too badly damaged.

You were stitching up his back and everything was quiet. “You want to tell me who you fought this time? Who was able to hurt you this much,” you whispered. You were willing the tears to go away. You didn’t want them to fall. You couldn’t let them fall.

Dick sighed before lowering his head. “Blockbuster. I had the choice to save a civilian or save myself. I saved the civilian and while I was distracted getting her out, Blockbuster used me as a punching bag.”

Your hands shook as you put the sewing needle down and started wrapping the gauze around Dick’s midsection. “You could have been killed,” your voice broke on the last word.

Dick turned around as quickly as he could, holding your wrists in his hands. “Hey, look. Look at me. I’m okay. Don’t cry, I promise I’m okay. I wouldn’t have let him kill me.”

“Well what about next time,” your voice rose. “You could get killed the next time. You have no control over that! Then what would you want me to do? Get over you? I can’t just-”

His lips were suddenly on yours. You didn’t hesitate to kiss back, salty tears mixing as they traveled down both of your faces. The only times you both separated was for a quick breath between the kisses. The familiarity of the kiss kept you going but soon Dick pulled away.

Then it hit you, you’d just kissed your boyfriend while he was Nighwing and he didn’t know you knew. He probably thought you were a cheater. Dick made his way to the window, “I’m sorry about that, I shouldn’t have kissed you. I’ll be going now.”

“Wait,Dick,” he froze as he slowly turned back around. “I know it’s you. You may be good at hiding your secret identity from everyone else, but I know you better than I know myself. I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you sooner that I knew. Just...don’t go. You’re hurt and need rest,” you whispered the last part, looking down to the ground.

“Thank God,” he muttered before lifting your chin up and kissing you passionately.

[1800-seungshine]

the hearts’ aftermath.

member(s): park woojin & bae jinyoung genre(s): high school!au, fluff, hoobae!au summary: a simple cliché high school love story, may not be special for others but it’s special for park woojin and bae jinyoung. epilogue of ludic and responsible (requested - bullet point format) word count: 1.4k

note: a requested scenario that took me forever to write bc of my indecisive ass hahah ;; i’m really sorry if it took a while and i hope you like it! i actually had more ideas in mind but couldn’t put them bc i feared it would be too long and it’d make the entire thing more messy sighpies bUT ANYWHO i actually have no idea how this works..?? like lmao you can be either woojin’s girl or baejin’s girl or you can be both bc two is better than one! i apologise if it may seem messy too but other than that, enjoy and happy reading! < 3  p.s. idk whether y’all get tired of me saying thank you but i can’t help that bc it doesn’t amount to how much i really am grateful for the numerous support esp with the likes, follows and reblogs! thank you so much for the love ;; i will continue to work even harder < 33

guess who’s back 

back again 

woojin’s back 

tell a friend 

ok sorry i got a lil carried away whoops 

so anyways 

woojin got in trouble after your shenanigans

like yeah sure a detention and his ass whooped from his parents 

that wasn’t the big deal 

i’m referring to something bigger 

yknow that tiny crush he had on you before?? 

yeah that grew 

and it still continues to do so

because after that one fine day in which you accidentally dragged him into your own trouble 

he entered your life and you entered his

it was a gradual progress though 

at the start, it was simply a form of acknowledgement whether through grins, eye contact and waves

then it became small conversations that occurred whenever you encountered each other 

and eventually you ended up sitting with his group of friends 

sometimes you even drag him along to your schemes of skipping classes or pranking people 

everything was all fun and games 

until it came to feelings 

he has this mini-hate for you whenever it came to that subject

you kept things ambiguous that he can’t pinpoint anything 

there are times when you say things to him that feel like they hold a lot more meaning than you let on 

or those times when he catches you shyly glancing at him

yet all in all, nothing

either you were good at hiding feelings 

or you didn’t have any

yet one thing still remains

never did woojin think that he’d fall for someone as troublesome as you 

but he did anyway 

and he can’t say he hates it 

bc boy oh boy does he enjoy every second of it 

there’s this sort of thrill that he gets liking you 

but lol even if he does enjoy liking you 

doesn’t mean he’d enjoy getting rejected 

so he kept his feelings to himself and decided not to speak to anyone about it 

until someone pointed it out 

there were two new members in his friendship circle consisting of bae jinyoung, lee daehwi, park jihoon and lai guanlin

one of them was you 

and the other one? 

jinyoung’s tutor/girlfriend

the school’s blessing - everyone’s angelic sunbae 

(which can also be you bc why the hek not yknow why just be woojin’s crush when you can be baejin’s gf too)

yeah 11/10 his ass got exposed when you decided to skip classes one day

“so woojin, when are you gonna make a move?”

everyone literally stopped, dropped and rolled bc wth boi never told them

while guanlin legit jumped up from his seat, clapping his hands happily and the entire cafeteria was blessed with his yelling and dolphin laughs

“HAH I KNEW IT, WOOJIN HYUNG HAS A CRUSH! Y’ALL OWE ME CHICKEN NUGGETS!”

did they make a bet on chicken nuggets without him??

hek yeah they did (#worthit)

woojin choked on air and he became a stuttering mess, “n-no! where d-did you hear th-that?! h-hahaha that’s s-so funny! i d-don’t like y-y/n!” 

"we never said it was y/n though...?”

“. . . . . .”

“O CRAP. GOTTA GO.”

he grabbed his things and ran away from them never to be seen again 

j u s t  k i d d i n g 

TIME SKIP WHOOSH WHOOSH 

in the end, it took woojin a while to muster up the courage to confess to you 

(well, it was more like it took daehwi, guanlin, jihoon and jinyoung to verbally gang up on him to confess bc they were tired of the never-ending push and pull between you two cos it’s so obvious you liked each other so just date already gosh.)

most of the work was all thanks to jinyoung’s girlfriend who constantly encouraged him and gave him actual advice

she even helped him make a move on you by becoming close to you

unlike some other snakes who he calls friends, whom if you recall put his feelings on the line for chicken nuggets 

eventually you and woojin began to date 

the news quickly spread around the school and it made a number of the male students sad 

bc firstly, bae jinyoung stole the angel of the school 

and now woojin took the badass of the school 

but somehow no one’s mad about it cos baejin and his girl are the school’s new couple goals 

while you and woojin are the ideal “dream team” 

now y’all might be thinking those are the best otp the school has 

but jokes on you 

the best pairing around is you and baejin’s girlfriend 

a duo so great you can probably beat ongniel

you two got really close bc she helped your relationship with woojin become more than friendship

it was a weird sight at first bc two polar opposites are suddenly hanging out; one was well-loved for being a responsible and kind role model whilst the other one was loved for being cheeky and having a mischievous mind 

such contradictory that ended up as an awesome friendship

bc yknow as they say, opposite attracts

and nowadays it actually feels like you and baejin’s girlfriend are dating instead bc you two always hang out

which leaves woojin and jinyoung sulking to themselves 

like every time jinyoung’s girlfriend is on the phone texting 98% of the time she’s talking to you 

“stop two-timing, angels aren’t supposed to be cheaters.” jinyoung would complain as he’d wrap his arms around her

while she’d only laugh at him, “yah- you shouldn’t be talking especially when you scammed me into this relationship despite have such an innocent and angelic face.” 

“that’s a strategy okay! this is a different situation like seriously, are you dating me or are you dating y/n??” he’d ask her with a slight frown

“well then seems like i have to break up with you then-” she would always reply 

11/10 it works every time and baejin would end up sulking until she'd kiss his cheek 

“just kidding - i wouldn’t replace you for anyone else, baejin.”

and tbh you two have gotten so close it’s gotten to the point where baejin got jealous and decided to whip up a plan with woojin about taking you and his girl away from each other 

let me tell you it didn’t work bc y’all were inseparable after instantly clicking

srsly she got your back and vice-versa bc yknow angel-devil duo is science maths

so whenever you and woojin bicker, you two mostly result to threatening about how you’d leave one another 

woojin: i swear i’m gonna go back to jihoon if this continues >:( 

you: ye well go ahead cos jinyoung’s girlfriend is my real soulmate lmao bye felicia xx 

woojin: . . . .i was kidding ;; you know that right? 

you: weLL I WASN’T SO HAHAH BYE BOI IM LEAVING 

woojin: OK OK IM SORRY 

yeah you end up winning bc duh brotp ftw 

ofc there are even times when woojin and jinyoung bicker on whose girlfriend is better 

smh this isn’t a competition idiots 

so whenever they do that, you two just look at each other and leave 

which ends up to jinyoung and woojin eventually coming together to sulk by buying banana milk to “drown” in their sadness bc remember kids, y’all shouldn’t be drinking alcohol underaged 

but even so you love woojin more than anything in the world 

he makes you laugh and smile, your days are brighter when he’s around and you miss him when he isn’t there 

and it’s the same for jinyoung and his girl 

four different individuals with miscellaneous personalities 

which equals to two couples with different stories and different ways of affection

hence to end the story

there is no actual ending 

and no it isn’t bc i’m lazy ok shh don’t misunderstand me smh

the true ending remains a mystery bc the future is unclear and who knows what will happen to these two couples let alone these four individuals 

i mean that’s totally up to you cos duh it isn’t just me controlling this ok 

but these four have no care what happens tomorrow or the day after 

bc they live in the here and now, enjoying every second and every moment they share with their friends, their family and with their special one

and every day is a new day to create fresh and happy memories for them to cherish and remember in their hearts forever

[s--yub]

Meet me halfway — pt.2

🌕 pairing: Yoongi  ✕ Reader 🌖 genre: still kinda angsty, a sprinkle of fluff 🌗 summary/prompt: “(I) used to be the one you’d come to, when it’d all go to shit.” 🌘 word count: 2,844 🌑 a/n: I am so dramatic it’s not even funny at this point :/ also a small info bc it may cause confusion later on: I use italics mostly for flashbacks, though sometimes I do use it as a way to highlight thoughts or random words. Please leave some feedback on this if you can, that would be of great help :)

one — two — three — epilogue

Bundled up in your blanket, you gazed at the ceiling absently. You had just returned home after the short trip to Hoseok’s, and the fatigue had forced you decline Jiyoon’s offer to have dinner outside. Instead, you had changed into your pajamas, not caring about the fact that you were still wearing your makeup, and slipped in bed. Every emotion you had so carefully sealed away had been awakened, thanks to the encounter with Him and a conversation you had no intention of engaging in. Were these emotions really sealed away, though, counting the fact that it only took so little to have them mess with your head again?

You twisted and turned, trying to block out the need to check on him. There was no need. He was fine, he surely was fine. Still, you unlocked your phone and typed in his name, looking for his profile. As soon as you opened it, a snicker came to your lips. There was so little published by the owner, a bunch of tagged posts filling the page instead. He wasn’t the type to put every moment of his life on the internet, quite the opposite, actually, which made every post he published something to be cherished. You still vividly remembered the day you and Hoseok had forced him to get his profile, mainly because of the convenience of chatting.

“This sounds like a lot of work for something I don’t care about,” he pointed out, looking at the two of you, who were standing on both sides of him.

Hoseok laughed, giving you a knowing look. “But you can publish the pictures you take, and also share the music you like.”

Your boyfriend nodded, humming in affirmation. “I guess.”

“And I can tag you in all the hamster videos you like so much,” you added, holding back a giggle.

Yoongi’s eyes widened as he raised his head to look at you. “Please, no,” then, he shut them with a grimace. “Oh God, I think I’m going to dream about that hamster doing backflips.”

You felt suffocated, finding the post you were reminiscing about. You had tagged him in it as soon as he had finished setting up his profile, adding a heart to the caption. There was a single comment under it, Yoongi’s ‘no’ written in caps lock. You scrolled up quickly in hope that your brain would do the same. It was such a simple memory, similar to the intercom moment of before, something you hadn’t given much thought at the moment, but now you looked back at it in fondness. Fondness and a tinge of regret, but that was a recurring feeling that surrounded memories of him. You refreshed the page, more out of habit than anything else, and a new post appeared. A tagged post, of course. You sat up in bed, because you recognized the name, or at least part of it. Park Jimin had tagged Yoongi in a picture of seven huge backpacks. You opened the comment section, where a conversation had taken place, and then locked your phone. You almost felt like a criminal, for whatever reason. Open, open not, you recited, no daisy giving you the answer. Open, you mumbled as you pressed in the four numbers code to unlock your phone again. Then, the world stopped.

“Oh no. No no no, this can’t be happening,” you stammered, knocking your bedside lamp over in the panic of the moment.

Soon after your door slammed open, Jiyoon’s worried eyes focusing on you and then on the lamp on the floor. “Holy shit, I thought you fell down.”

You pushed away the blanket with your feet, upset. “Oh my God, I messed up.”

“What happened?” she questioned, shuffling over to your side.

You showed her your phone in horror, not touching the screen again in fear. The ‘thumbs up’ icon had turned blue, meaning that you had accidentally liked the post. “I was debating whether I should’ve read what they were saying on not, and then I don’t know, I unlocked the phone and noticed. Do I unlike it? Maybe they won’t get the notification,” you continued.

As you were glaring at your mistake, another comment appeared. It was Hoseok’s, the string of emoji standing out on the white background. Then, Jungkook and Taehyung replied too, making you close your eyes in disappointment.

Jiyoon huffed, looking at it. “Nevermind, they saw it already.”

As you were welcoming the thought of deleting your own profile and throwing away your phone, it buzzed. The notification read ‘Hobi’.

From: Hobi 🌞

what are u liking

From: Hobi 🌞

u know everyone can see it right

Jiyoon grumbled, sitting down with you. “Is he going to tell?”

“No, but if I don’t think quickly he will see it himself. Or he has already, I don’t know,” you hissed. Then, you pushed aside your worries and unliked the post.

“And what if he saw? You unliking it is no use, now!” Jiyoon exclaimed.

You breathed out, closing the app and opening Hoseok’s text instead. You quickly typed a few words.

From: You

think he saw it?

From: Hobi 🌞

dunno wait

From: Hobi 🌞

nah headphones on

Jiyoon raised her brows. “What does that even mean?”

You let yourself fall onto the mattress, finally feeling calm again. “He’s listening to music, so he won’t even see the notification,” then, realizing something, you sat up again.

From: You

delete the notification on his phone

From: You

even if i unliked he’ll see it

From: Hobi 🌞

brb

From: Hobi 🌞

can’t. phone is next to him :(

This was a problem. You didn’t like to overreact, normally, but everything related to Yoongi was enhanced in your mind. Was this the end of the world? No, but it sure felt like it.

You hid your phone under the pillow and got up from the bed, getting dressed again quickly.

“Forgot I was here?” Jiyoon’s voice surprised you, making you turn around with arms still trapped midway in the shirt. “Are you going out?” she continued.

You pulled down the shirt with a tug. “Just downstairs.”

She got up too, grabbing your jacket from the door hook and passing it to you.

“Okay, then I’ll go to sleep,” she said, a tiny smile on her lips. “Don’t be like that. So what if he saw it? Worst that can happen is he notices you were on his profile. Maybe you guys will finally talk, who knows.”

You sighed, not wanting to reply. Maybe that didn’t sound too bad for her, but for you, talking to Yoongi wasn’t easy after what had happened. What you had caused, actually. Jiyoon left, reminding you to lock the door, and you tip toed out of the apartment. The neighbor’s dog, Tiger, was a super excited and loud chihuahua, who liked to let the whole complex know if someone was in the hall, so not making any noise was a requirement.

The entrance door opened effortlessly, and you breathed in the clean air, courtesy of the rain. It was odd for some people, the fact that you didn’t enjoy sunny days as much as days like this. The rain was calming and, even when it stopped, it left behind a nice feeling, while sunny days only made you feel stressed. It was probably something you had acquired in high school, when your family and friends kept pushing you to go out and do things because “it’s so nice outside!”. You chuckled and tucked your freezing hands in your pockets. Something felt strange, though, so you took out whatever it was. It was a pamphlet, inviting people to an ‘exciting and fun’ camping experience. You thought back on how it had got in your pocket.

“Why did you guys break up?”

You sniffed, feeling cold all of sudden. “Didn’t he tell you?”

“Actually, no. He doesn’t really talk about that,” Jin replied, looking left and right before making a turn.

“We— I felt like it was the best choice, in that moment.”

His eyebrows furrowed, but nothing came out of his mouth for a bit. Then, nearing your house, he spoke again. “Listen, Y/N, you don’t know anything about me and you probably feel like I don’t know anything about you, but I do. I know your favorite order at the diner down the street, the fact that you use mismatched socks, or about your huge fear of spiders. You can imagine how I know all of this, right?”

Your heart stopped for a moment, or so you thought, at least. Still, you only nodded, zipping up your hoodie as much as you could and getting ready to jump out of the car as soon as possible. “I don’t want to sound rude, but I did what I really thought was the best for both of us. I don’t like it one bit, but it is what it is,” you murmured, trying to keep your voice down.

“Then why does it look like neither of you can move on from this?”

You turned to him with a scowl. “How can you know that? I might have—”

“Are you open to the idea of finding someone else, sooner or later?” he questioned, looking back at you as he stopped the engine.

The words 'someone else’ had a really bad taste. “Not really, but that isn't—”

He shrugged. “This is what I mean, though. You both react so defensively when someone mentions moving on.”

Breathe in, breathe out, you said in your mind, worried of saying something out of line. He was simply being a good friend.

“Look, I’m not trying to make it sound like I’m in the situation I’ve dreamed of, because I’m not. But it has been working, and I couldn’t keep being a weight on his shoulders.”

“He never told me you were this much of a worrier,” he pointed out suddenly, brushing away his hair before continuing. “Okay, we can’t get out of this, I got it. You really are a good couple, not listening to anyone but yourselves.”

Your hands moved quickly, opening the door. “Jin, thank you for taking me home. I appreciate it, and I’m happy you are his friend, I really, really am. But I should go home, now.”

As you stepped out of the car, almost closing the door and finally closing the conversation, he stopped you. “We are going camping, tomorrow. Two days one night. You could consider coming, even if only for lunch or dinner.”

That was surprising. “Camping, really?” Yoongi wasn’t a fan of camping, if you remembered correctly. “With this weather?”

“They said it’s going to be sunny, and Taehyung has been waiting for this,” he replied, in his gaze the request for an answer.

You fiddled with your zipper. “I don’t think so. I mean, you know this already, why even ask?”

He shrugged again. “Trying doesn’t hurt.”

With that, he started the engine again. You watched his car drive away, mostly because you weren’t feeling ready to go home, and crouched down next to the line of flowers your neighbors and Jiyoon had carefully chosen, counting them again and again just to take your mind off of everything. Then, you heard a car pulling up near by, and Jin’s voice calling out to you.

“Y/N! I forgot something!”

You straightened your legs, walking toward him. He had a leaflet in his hand with a big picture of a forest printed on, and he was waving it from left to right.

“Here, take this. You know, just in case you change your mind,” he clarified.

You had no time to deny, because he was already hopping in the seat and driving away, leaving you dumbfounded.

Folding the paper over and over until it was a small square in the middle of your palm, you came back to present time.

You weren’t going to go, you were sure. Even if the relationship with Yoongi was on talking terms, and it wasn’t, you couldn’t just show up there, with people you didn’t know, and pretend like it was normal, right?

Wrong. It wasn’t even 11 a.m. the next day and you were already in your car, a dozen of pastries in the seat next to you keeping you company. Jiyoon had spent half of the morning looking at you, who were looking insistently at the folded piece of paper on the table.

“Okay, I’m done. What is that thing you’re staring at?”

You raised your head, confused by her tone. “It’s.. something.”

In half second she had already unfolded it, reading the words briskly. Then, she made the connection. “This,” she said, pointing at the pamphlet, “this is were Yoongi is, right?”

You got up from the couch, taking the piece of paper back. “Yes, and I was just about to throw it out.”

“Oh no, you weren’t. You were staring at it as if it could talk back! Okay, okay, this is a great opportunity,” she muttered, pacing around the apartment.

She’s the one who talks with inanimate object, you thought, as you watched her stop in front of the wall. “What are you doing? I’m not going, Jiyoon.”

She twirled around, forcing you to take a step back. “Yes, you are. You are going because you two need to talk.”

You shook your head. “Stop acting like cupid. I’m not getting back with him Jiyoon, damn it, I already told you.”

“Who said you needed to get back with him? I just said you needed to talk, you know, to not be strangers,” she replied innocently.

Strangers, that’s what you two were now. She wasn’t wrong at all. “And what do I say? Oh hello Yoongi, remember me? Yup, I’m the person who changed phone number because I couldn’t keep seeing your texts and calls and not reply,” you mimicked a phone next to your ear, words coming out harsher than usual.

“You never had problems talking with him, Y/N. You can totally say whatever you want and he will get the true meaning behind it.”

You stomped your foot like a five year old. “It’s not like that anymore, okay? I won’t be able to talk to him, just like I wasn’t able to talk to him then,” you said, referring to the break up.

She crossed her arms. “You didn’t talk to him because you knew he wouldn’t have let you break up. And he was damn right, because your reasoning was shit,” you widened your eyes at her, who didn’t even give you a moment to reply. “You know what you have to stop doing, Y/N? Assuming what others think. It’s such a bad habit of yours, and it’s especially bad when you make decisions for others. He didn’t want to leave you— no, he didn’t want you to leave him.”

“He—,” you tried, before being interrupted again.

“Don’t give me that bullshit. He never thought of you as a deadweight. Oh my God, the real problem is that you don’t trust the people around you. You don’t trust him, you don’t trust me, you don’t trust Hoseok. No one is safe for you, you just think people are going to get fed up with you and leave you with the aftermath of that rejection. Open up, let the people who adore you show it.”

You gasped like a fish, blinking and processing the unwanted therapy session. Tell me how you really feel, you thought. “Wow, you didn’t hold back.”

She raised a finger at you, instructing you to wait as she put on her jacket and left the apartment in a rush. You took a seat on the couch armrest, hearing Tiger barking like a madman on the outside.

Okay, want it or not, she wasn’t wrong. You needed to talk with Yoongi, and you had to do it while Jiyoon’s scolding was still fresh. It was time, four months were enough cowardness.

Pulling on the most comfortable shirt you had and a pair of jeans, you emptied your backpack and stuffed it with two bottles of water and a few necessities, in case you got lost on the way. Who knew what you were getting yourself into.

“I’m back!” Jiyoon shouted from the living room, sounding excited.

When you found her, she was tying the handles of a plastic bag. “I got you something to bribe the others away from Yoongi, you are welcome.”

You blushed, not having thought that far ahead. What were you going to do, talk in front of everyone? At least now they had a distraction, because you weren’t that eager to see their looks as you declared the need to talk to Yoongi.

“Now go, I can’t wait for when you come back with the best smile of all times,” she hugged you for a moment and then pushed you out forcibly.

You gripped the steering wheel, huffing. God, you really were doing this, uh? With a few quick breaths you turned the key, starting the car and leaving the comfort of something sure for the unknown. Hopefully, that wouldn’t be the case anymore.

[j-cypher-moved]

@the anon who submitted their message two days ago

  I dont know why im doing this.. im sorry            

Hey alice! I’ve been following your blog for a year now, i think? I havent regrettted following you bc your posts, whether they’re your own or just reblogs, always make me smile especially your happy tag. I read all your asks and I did come across your bunny anon and I liked how you took your time to reply to them. So… I know im being selfish right now.. but because you’re the only blog i follow that actually takes her time to read and understand a person without judging her.. and give a lengthy answer, i thought i should… try my luck..Even if you wont understand me..i’ll just write what comes to my mind without a plan and hahah im already getting tears in my eyes.. Also im really sorry Im submitting this, but I think its gonna be legnthy (sorry for that too) and im afraid tumblr would eat the seperate asks..

So.. to start off: Im turning 23 soon, but I really dont like myself. like at all? I mean, being 22, i should have achieved something in life,right? but i achieved literally nothing.

I finished school and the 13th grade (its not university but here its considered like a college. after graduating you can choose an even higher school, 11th to 13th grade. but its not university because that comes after 13th grade). I mean yeah i finished the 13th grade but for what? I did something i thought i wanted, but am actually miserable in and so i suffered for 3 years. the grades in my final certificate suck and so no “good job” accepts me and tbh, you’ll think im a slob now, i gave up? Im registered somewhere that sends you mails of companies that are looking for employees, but i gave up? Im not even sending my application anymore but at the same time i feel incredibly guilty for that. And the worst part is, this has been going on for 2 years now. I left school in 2015 and have beenliving home, like literally home, for 2 years

what i mean with literally is… I never go out. I dont have friends lol i dont know what i did wrong in my life but ever since 1st grade i got bullied a lot. there was a girl and fate decided that we should be in one school, in one class, till the 9th grade. and because i’ve been bullied so early on in my life I had absolutely no confidence to speak up and the bullying continued until the 9th grade. she threatened to “kill me” once because I didnt want to play with during the break with her (Im pathethic because i still hung out with her in school because i didnt want to be alone. I did it once, stay away from them in breaks but i couldnt handle it and just went to the toilet to hide and cried silently until the break was over). I did talk with my parents about it near the end of the year and they immidiately went to my school to talk with the teacher and also went to her house to talk with her parents. But it continued in school lol. My teacher at least made sure that I wouldnt get paired up with her for any group activities though. For 10th grade, the class got seperated and I was for once lucky enough because I was smarter than her and so i got into the “advanced” class. Everything went super well in 10th grade. I actually had people i liked and felt comfortable with to talk more openly and the boys in my class treated me nicely, too. I wasnt just invisible for them. Its still one of my most favorite memories. But it only lasted for 1 year and after graduation we all seperated ways and I was alone again. (back then we didnt even have whatsapp and FB wasnt that popular so we couldnt keep contact) 11-13th grade was weird. like i said its not something i can do and i struggled a lot during the years. the class was again..very childish. (i was the oldest because after 10th grade, i took 1 year off because i was too late to apply to any school, then a year later i got accepted but realized i cant do it so i left again. I had to wait another year to apply to another school so..10th grade -> 2 years doing nothing -> 11 th grade again) But i got treated like im not there, again. the girls didnt like me for some reason even though we have never talked, i even think some of them were racist. But i could hear them talking about me in class and the boys did nothing to stop them (not that i really expected it but still..) and it kind of… hurt me in a weird way? Like my pride? I was the oldest in class and they still treated me like that, but actually I was disappointed in myself because i let it happen again? I was that old and still wasnt confident enough to speak up to myself and let them look down on me. I only had like 2 girls in class that i could talk to and that was it.

Now… thats 2 years ago, like i said. I want to get a job to at least do something with my life because i dont have anything else im good at (and no im not saying this for show, i mean it) but also because i dont have anything im passionate about, nothing i like and nothing that i can see myself doing? and so i thought getting paid would be best for me. But…. im not trying and i know that. im not trying anything to get into a job, im not going out to look for jobs, i cant talk to people i cant even make a phone call to ask something. And I know getting anxious for stuff like this is normal, but its not normal to not do anything for 2 years, especially at this age (Just because im an adult doesnt mean i have to be one, i know, but still there are expectations of myself that i fail to achieve and so i only disappoint myself further, does that make sense?) Like… all i do… is sleep, get up afternoon, sit on my laptop, eat dinner and sit on my laptop and then sleep again <— this has been going on for 2 years. from 2015 to beginning of 2016 i was kinda ok with it, i thought I still had time to figure things out, but mid 2016 it started messing with my mind. I realized how pathethic i actually am. I cant do anything to help my mom lol im “eating” her money (im not a bratty kid that wants expensive shit but it still feels WRONG to use my moms money at this age) and almost everyday I get the random confidence boost and motivation to actually do something tomorrow, to wake up before noon and try and call this or that company or go out personally… but… i dont. Even if i wake up early, I get the dark depressive thought of “Why? why should i do that now lol i havent done anything till now so why now? its already too late do you really think you can do something with your pathetic self?”

I dont have a drivers license… I want one. Its actually my first ever goal i have ever set in my life for the beginning of the year. The “new year new me” thing. I got the eye-test done while I had to a checkup, but even that is a month ago. For weeks i’ve been trying to go to the drivers school or call them to ask them questions but im so incredibly scared?? of what i dont know?? Of getting judged because I am dumb. I was born in this city but i have no idea which streets is where or what they’re called, i cant do math and so im scared of trying to calucate the distance between cars etc. Well im scared to call because im scared of phone-calls in general and because i know that I set it as my goal to GO there personally but on the website it says to please call them for questions, and so i didnt end up going because what if they’ll laugh at me and yada yada all those thoughs…

Also… this is very, very… personal.. that no one knows except my mom… and something thats making me cry whenever i look in the mirror. I… am really hairy. lol wow a tear just dropped onto my laptop oh god… ok so im hairy, yes. I have a hormone problems according to my gynecologist. The Testosterone is higher than the Estrogen, and so i have a literaly happy trail + all visible dark hair all around my stomach/chest. Of course my upperlip is dark too and very visible. for my face, i just wax it. but I cant possibly wax my whole torso.. i do take the pill with more estrogen in it, but its not helping. I’ve been to many doctors and even to hospitals but no one seems to care or help me.. they say the pill will help but its been years and it doesnt. I cant look at myself naked…. I never had a boyfriend, no first kiss, no boy was ever interested in me (yet… hopefully) but even if someone would be ??? enough to be interested in me.. I couldnt get naked in front of them.. im so ashamed of myself and my body as a female. And i know the talk of “Media is trying to give you the picture of what a female should look like, hairless thin etc etc. / The one that truly loves you will love you and your body for who and what you are) But the thing is… im not happy with it /myself/. I dont feel comfortable. If we go to a vacation with my family I cant wear a bikini like other girls even though I want to, i always have to get a bodysuit that will cover my stomach… To you or anyone else this may sound like im overreacting, telling me to "just shave it” but its not that easy and seriously no one can truly understand that doesnt have this kind of “extreme” hormone problem…

I dont even know why im sharing all of this with a “stranger on the internet” to be honest… i just want to get it off my chest, to let SOMEONE know how i really am? an adult that does nothing? and know it but again does nothing to change it? I know i might need help from a professional, but i dont want to and i dont have the courage or will to go to one.

Regarding the boyfriend and friends thing… yes… i have absolutely zero friends and thats also the reason im inside all day. I dont see a point in going out ? and thats also something that leads to… no boyfriend. because I dont go out (i dont mean like clubbing but just in general, like daytime) i cant meet anyone you know?

Also… you know what i realized after being on this earth for 22 years? I dont know if its because i never had any friends or experienced it, but i cant feel geniunely happy for someone? or be really proud of them?(im talking about people i have contact with. I AM geniuenly proud of BTS but thats another kind of proud) To my few fleeitng friends that i had, i still found something that annoyed me at one point but of course i never told them that or showed them that (because i think its normal to get annoyed with a friend at one point) but like.. i was never truly happy for them. I never truly loved them i think? Like i somehow in the end I felt selfish and was envious? And to realize that really hurts me now because I actually have no right to feel that way, i should be happy that a few people actually had a friendship with me (and i am happy for that but.. its not geniuene.. i dont know if i could explain it well or get across my point) I dont know… it feels weird..Its like im not capable of doing that. i wonder if i can love a boyfriend in the future

After reading all of this you might think I look like how i am and behave, too probably.. like a unhygienic bum or something, but tbh, im not even that bad looking. I have long hair, I straighten it, I dress nicely and put on perfume, I do my makeup and eyebrows to frame my face nicely and I actually do smile while talking to strangers because i want to leave a kind first impression..

I dont know why i divided all of these later on tbh.. i thought maybe it wouldnt hurt your eyes that much like this ;; I just rambled and shared so much of myself, im so sorry. Please dont be creeped out @ anyone who decides to read all of this ;; I guess I… feel at least a little bit better like I can breate a bit better now. I went completely mute 1 week ago, i just woke up and didnt feel like talking to anyone (anyone= my mom and bro. only people in my life) so i just.. sit silently in my room all day..I hope i can get out of this “mute” phase and at least talk and laugh with my mom again… my mom.. I cant imagine how it must feel like to see the own daughter fail at life this badly lol..

Anyway— I am extremly sorry for randomly coming into your “ask box” like this and making you read this.. if you’ll read this that is.. please dont feel obligated to reply to this if you dont want to.. But thank you..

Hello anon!Thank you for following me and im really glad my posts makes you smile!(i didn’t think anyone will go to my happy tag but :D)

Also you are not selfish in my eyes,you don’t have to be sorry and I’ll try my best while answering you~~

First of all,I do not think in any way that by the time you are 22/23 you must archive something,especially when that ‘something’ is a social construct.In some societies the ‘something’ means finding someone to marry before you are 25,in other it means ‘finishing uni and getting a successful job’,in some others it means to just be able to finish school.However,no matter the case,just because something is considered a norm,doesn’t mean that it corresponds to the reality.Just think how many people try to postpone their marriage,even in places where forming family is considered as the number priority.

 There are many things that fuel this type of thinking-that you must have some sort of significant achievement before a certain age-but instead of talking about the source of those,all i am going to say is that these words usually comes from people who are very stereotypically thinking without having a glimpse on what is going on in reality.Take for example,the job market(esp since you even mentioned it),people who are in their 40s-50s and go around shouting things like “but there are sooo many jobs!!you just need to try harder!!back in my day,i got my first serious job when i was 23!!”.Well...dear Robert...and every Robert who says things like that,apparently since you secured yourself a stable job from your 30s,you ‘kinda’ forgot to check how the things are today before saying things like this.The competitiveness is in job market is nowhere near the levels it was 20-30 years ago and this more or less applies to any country(i am telling you this as someone who studies this subject).

 Besides,let me tell you,again as someone who is in the academic field, I know so many people,and even some of my professors,who changed completely their degree in their late 30s-40s because they understood that the thing they studied in the first place was just ‘not their thing’.Like, real examples,my professor who teaches now history of european parties (he is his late 40s) had his first degree about computer sciences,my professor who teaches macroeconomics,was supposed to be a chemistry teacher(and both of them are A+ teachers now btw).

As for going specifically to the bullet points-i am going to mix them up a bit-but first of all congratulations on your certificate!You did it,you have one,and it that is that matters.As for the job situation:i don’t know if this company sends you specifically job emails that have to do with the field you studied,but if yes,I get why you don’t even open them.As you mentioned,you ended up not liking what you studied so having a job revolving around the same field is very pleasant to say the least.Also,again as someone who has studied the issue,have you considered going to some seminars?I mean I don’t know how if your economic situation allows you to consider this as an option,but I thought I’d let you know that even if your certificate doesn’t have the best grades or even if you don’t have a degree/certificate at all,there are some seminars (in most countries) at reasonable prices,especially considering how many doors they can open for you.

For example the other day I was thinking about starting some seminars on ‘how to be a professional secretary’.Im sorry idk how to say this more formally,but that was their main point:to teach you how to be a responsible,productive secretary,for any field really.I mean think about it:nowadays (at least in my country) those who get to work as secretaries are usually overqualified students who just got their degrees (e.g law one) but the thing is,even tho it may be really beneficial in some issues that will have to do with law issues,the general job of a secretary is law-unrelated.As a result,these freshly made lawyers sure can be great in solving law-related problems,but when it comes to making an organizational document in Excel for the company’s needs,they get lost,because they studied law,not how to use these programmes.What I mean here is,even if your grades aren’t high you can still be competitive in the job market,so don’t let those discourage you.

Moreover,I hope I didn’t scare you when I said in my second?third? paragraph about how competitive the employment market has become,because even when it is the way it is you can still get a competitive edge over others,by ‘building up’ your degree(if you want ofc).

I must also mention that i don’t know your field nor to which jobs you are referring to when calling them as ‘good jobs’,but in some positions having experience is way more valued than having a higher degree.This means that you almost unavoidably will have to start from a lower position (unfortunately).Like for example,if you want to become a cafe manager,at first you will need to work some time a waiter,then as a cashier and then lastly as a manager,ykwim?

And one last thing,which is kinda the complete opposite on my previous ‘tip’ is that there are more and more companies nowadays that want ‘baby minds’ aka workers who have zero experience in the field so they can ‘form’ easier their job behaviour according to the company’s policy.Generally,as someone who has been studying about this subject and also side eyeing job applications,I perfectly do understand that there is a difference between the theoretical part and the the actual reality,and the companies that follow the second or the third strategy may be very few,so I am not trying to make everything seems as through some pink glasses,but!!!! To give you a boost and help you gain some confidence,because frankly no matter the job/field it may come out as very important thing.I also do not want to make you feel you bad or guilty,overtly or covertly,about not having a job!!!!absolutely not!!!i just wanted to show you that IF you ever think about getting a job,not to get discouraged immediately at the thought of the overall grades and that there are some ways,besides the certificate(and even more which i didn’t elaborate on here),that can make you a qualified worker.

About you not going out..Hmm..First of all I am really sorry that you got bullied by that girl especially in such a young age,when kids should gain confidence while being with their classmates/friends.Also,from my point of view,you kinda grew addicted to her,even though your relationship was so toxic and when I say her I don’t mean specifically her as a ‘’’’’‘friend’’’’’’ but the temporary,superficial and even fake safety being with her provided you.Not because she was great as a person,but because when you were together I suppose she bullied less when you were together with her and you couldn’t make any more friends other than her,so that’s why you were,to put it simply trapped.I am glad it is over for you.And if it is not,if you still catch yourself thinking about her even now or think that people still may be like that to you,I’d suggest going back to your school days and wondering why she was like that,not because of sympathy reasons,but to try to do a ‘breakdown’ of her personality and her behaviour.Why?Because once you understand that,you may get why she wanted to badly for you to be her friend and I repeat,this is by no means a way to excuse her behaviour,but to realize that even the scariest monsters,are not so scary if you draw them bunny ears and put some pink blush on them(if my predictions are correct,this must be the fourth time you are wondering wtf I am talking about).WHAT I MEAN BY THAT:You mentioned that your parents talked to her parents,but the situation wouldn’t change much,if it wasn’t for your teacher’s intervention.What was their reaction like?Did they say anything specific to your parents?I do not know how much her behaviour has affected you and sorry if this is not very pleasant thing to recall,but what I am trying to show you here(if she did affect you)is that  that girl had her ‘reasons’ to act the way she did(unless there was/is some serious medical condition of hers) and not everyone has been though the same as she did so not everyone will/can treat you the way she did(again it does not serve as an excuse or should make your feelings less valid).

As for the girls in the 11th-13th grade,well...The only thing that comes to my mind is jealously.You didn’t say that it was girls AND the boys who talked about you,it was  specifically girls and keeping in mind that you didn’t know them before going to 11th grade(it’s not like the had grudges against you for something,they literally didn’t know you) and the fact that you were two years older aka ‘naturally’ stood out,it was their ‘duty’ to seems as superior.

Also,just a little tip which you can completely ignore ofc,but from personal experience,if anyone speaks about you,don’t try to correct them nor ‘stand up’ for yourself,put them in place etc,especially if it is a group of people and not just one person and I say this for several reasons.Firstly,one of the main reasons that these people talk badly about you,especially if they do it in front of you,is simply,your reaction.If you try to talk back to them them it is going to just fuel their motivation to talk about you even more.Even if you make a ‘valid’ point and say it to them,the chances are it won’t even reach what they call their brain and just laugh at you or even worse,try their physical strength on you...So what to do?Yes,you are right,you are about to hear the most cliche answer for those cases,to not care,or more specifically not give a f*ck about them and their words.Like it is really hard to offend/hurt someone when they don’t give a f*ck about you or your opinion(sorry if i sound too forward or harsh but i genuinely believe this).Besides,people will always talk about anything and anyone and anywhere,so what’s the point of caring about their words,unless they come from someone whose opinion you value?

*As a side note,I cannot not say how happy I actually am to hear how well you did in 10th grade,both academic-wise and relationship-wise (and it even continued in your 11th-13th grade)!(If you think that having only two friends in your last years of school was a very small number,ask yourself:you would like to be friends with anyone else from your class,besides those girls?Like the boys who did nothing?...I don’t think so…)Also,even if you are not talking with the friends you made anymore,that’s okay,because you still didn’t let your  past affect you back then,which is so, /so/ important,so please try keeping this in mind and cheer up on yourself for this!....And now that I think about it,I mean i don’t know if you considered this,but have you thought about messaging someone from school e.g. those two girls?Like do you have a facebook now?How about finding them there and having a light chat with them? (even if it’s been two years).

As for you wanting to get a job and not finding your passion..Well,to be honest I am very weak when it comes to this and honestly the only advice I can give you if trying out new things?You don’t necessary have to do them physically,esp since you mentioned sitting on your laptop for quite a big part of the day.Have you tried learning a new language?Reading a book?Also,if you feel guilty about not looking for a job,how about trying and helping your mom in a different way?Like with the house chores?For example,if she is planning on going to the market you can go with her and help with buying stuff/the shopping bags plus,you will go out a fraction more and maybe meet a new people/have some light conversation with them.This way,you will also beat the anxiety that bubbles up when you try to speak to people/making a phonecall,because again,I am sorry,I am not an expert in this area and the only,most productive way of overcoming this type of anxiety in my eyes is ‘by getting more of it until you get used to it’.By that I don’t mean of course that you should get used to anxiety attacks,ofc not,but start with small talks e.g. with the cashier or your mom’s friend you bumped into in  the shop,and even if your heart will race during the first conversations,after a while,I think you will get used to it,not the heart fastening,but having conversation with strangers and from there the anxiety may fade.

For when you get those sudden motivation rushes,and this goes for anything tbh,i have to say one thing:DONT trust your future self..because if you won’t do it today,you won’t do it tomorrow.Like it is definitely not just you,it is just that our future selves and way lazier than the today’s.And answering your question if “its already too late do you really think you can do something with your pathetic self?” NO!!!!!!Absolutely not,IT IS NOT TOO LATE AND YOU ARE NOT PATHETIC.You are literally 23 years old,you are literally /so/ young!!!Like if anything you are in the perfect age(maybe a little too young even) to get a job!!!Even if you haven’t had your first job yet,23 is still the perfect time to start..and the same goes for 24,25,29...59.I ‘can’ tell you that you can do ‘anything’ at any age,but that won’t be entirely true because money is usually what keeps people back,but if your dream,if your aspiration doesn’t really require huge money investment,then yes,you can do anything at any age and getting a job is one of them.I won’t lie to you it is probably going to get tough and hearing things like “this job requires experience’ or ‘we are looking for someone with the X,Y mark in the A,B subject’ may become a frequent thing but try to not give up if you ever to make some phone calls,but I promise you are going to find something,maybe after the 100 call,but I promise you will (if you want ofc).

Speaking of phone calls,well my friend,if you are scared of (let's put everything you mentioned under the same umbrella and call it)adult things..let me tell you a secret..THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO ADULT THAT HASN’T F*CKED UP or seemed more or less/dump by an office employee/a cashier etc.etc.We all have our first time for everything and being an adult requires lots of those.I am not telling you are going to get things messed up but I am telling you that if you do,that is okay,it is definitely not the end of the world and you 100% not the only who messes/messed up.Btw you are not dumb,esp for not knowing those things,I mean I didn’t even knew you have to calculate the distance between two cards to get a license…(wtf).You are not going to get judged for not knowing all those things,you are not a taxi driver and you are not obligated to know the road in your city(i mean,even they use a gps/ask the passenger for directions) and also there are approximately another 234987239 people who face the same problems/worries as you and the people working in the drivers school know and understand this,so everything is going to be 👍I believe in you!!!!Also a tip if you want for when making a phone call,if you are not sure of how it will go,get a piece of paper beforehand and write all the the things you’d like to ask/are curious about so you won’t forget anything and also during the actual call have a pen next to so you can immediately write down the information you get,so you won’t miss anything they say to you!(I hope this helps!!)

Another thing is that whether one’s gender may be,it still doesn’t mean they are going to a have ‘perfect’ body either and also something thatpeople hide is that this ‘problem’ is not as uncommon as we think it is?And let me tell you that boys also get worried about this issue (having too much leg hair etc.) so if you ever happen to like someone and they like you back,please don’t let this you hold back from showing your feelings.And if someone is an *sshole to you about it,like I said,the door is right there.Those who are worthy will stay.

Um,and btw since I also have the same thing as you(a little bit about the medical aspect) but have you done an ultrasound of your ovaries?Because I used to have a huge cyst and that’s why I couldn’t take the pill,it just simply wouldn’t work(i started taking it only a month ago since it..popped on it’s own).Another thing to check is your tryroid?It can as well cause a hormonal disbalance.Lastly,the pill itself may not be suitable for you,as there are so many of them that work in various ways. (please consider these next time you go to your doctor ;-;).

About you “being an adult who does nothing”,well the word ‘nothing’ itself may carry a different meaning for each person..Second of all,it doesn’t mean that the point where someone starts doing the ‘something’ is the same for everyone.For someone it is when they are 15,for others when they are 45.And just because someone starts later than the others,doesn’t mean their start is less valuable compared to others’.Everyone has their own pace.Also,you might not feel now life seeing a professional,but you may want  in a month or not at all,who knows.And that is also okay(tho i would still suggest mustering all the courage if you feel like this process it taking too long for you(NOT by comparing yourself to others but how it feels to YOU)  and visiting them at least once as a ‘check up’ if you want to call it ;-;)

About you staying at home all day..Well,i think some good ways to change it,if you want to ofc,is to,more or less the things i mentioned before like contacting one of your friends from school or attend a few events like book presentations,open courses,seminars.Like I am suggesting these things from my personal experience because 2 years ago I moved to a new place and practically knew no one,but by attending places like this,i got to meet a few new people who really helped me.Also,another thing that may motivates you to call faster the drivers school is,since the first few weeks focus on the theoretical parts of drivings(driving signs etc.),you are going to be in class aka with other people,prob around your age,so it may come as an opportunity to meet new people or even make new friends.

As for your realization that you cannot feel genuinely proud of someone,from my point of view it is what you said:if you don’t/haven’t experienced a feeling yourself it is really hard to reciprocate it and show it to others.One thing tho that I really want to mention is that the term ‘friend’ is really flexible.A friend may be someone you have been knowing for five years,greeting them everyday with a ‘good morning cutie’,sharing the same desk at school but still never sharing a deep emotional connection with them,so i really don’t think you should feel guilty about not loving the friends you made in school.Like your ‘obligation’ as a friend to them isn’t necessary to love them back to pieces,but be a good friend to them,which is a different thing?A good friend is someone who understands,respects,makes you laugh and I,or anyone else,can go on and on on those trails which appear according to personal taste/views,but if anyone ‘demands’ that you should love every friend you make,I am afraid I’ll have to argue with that.Besides,love in my eyes is too overrated anyways so…

Maybe you felt envious and selfish because after all,you weren’t /that/ close?If you imagine a scale like this:

You may have been closer to points A or B,rather than C,and that is okay.We are not supposed to form deep connections with everyone and that’s why there are so many different kinds of friendships.And I don’t think that you incapable of being genuinely happy/proud of someone-it is just you haven’t met that person yet- and I also do believe that you are,very capable of loving your future boyfriend.

After reading your message hhhhhh  no,i don’t think at all like you behave like an  unhygienic bum ah!!and please teach me how to smile,because i have naturally a resting bitch level 252 so i kinda…’naturally’ repel everyone?...oh well ,anyways,a thing I do think however,is not so much the lack of motivation,as much as lack of confidence?Like hon the way you described yourself will all your nice perfume and eyebrows ,aka more like a soft godness………I know how you it sucks being in that sort of ‘bubble’,the muted phrase,but really,the only way to get out of it in my eyes and also how i got out of it is a)kick the door open in your room and go back to your mom and bro 2)make something from the outer world ‘drag you in’ it constantly aka have some chores to do.Like again,for the drivers school:if you have classes every tuesday and thursday you ARE going to go to them because I know you can,and YOU also know that you CAN do it.Also,I don’t think your mom thinks of you as a failure,because moms are moms and a good mom’s role is to support their child no matter so please do not worry about the emotional aspect.

I am really wishing you the best and I hope you will be able to make those phone calls as you can and go out as soon as you feel like!I really must mention that maybe it won’t be as easy in the beginning and probably not everyone you meet is going to be polite,but i promise you are going to eventually meet nice people.And if you ever catch yourself thinking “why do this,there is no point” or “it’s too late for me to do the x thing” just remember that there IS a point and IT IS NEVER TOO LATE to start something new.Everyone got their ‘first time’s for everything.However,not everyone is doing it at the same time at the same time,so remember that.You can also get a little motivation imo from thinking about your mom and how even your little steps are going to make her and your brother happy.I hope this helps you💕

!!!!aslo a very useful and truthful (thanks to suga-honey-honey ;-;):i'm sorry to butt in on this, but i wanted to point out to anon that when you seemed to 'flourish' in 10th grade the things that were different were the surroundings and the people around you. don't think that there is something wrong with *you*. in 10th grade you were the same you, but you were surrounded by nice people and a positive environment. you can definitely recreate that. you have the potential, once 1 ball gets rolling the others will follow. you'll be okay <3