#(aka hopefully before the weekend ends)

[nuzzy]

I made a whole new document of link as a genshin character for this fanfic. I’m probably not even gonna use it.

[perfectlycleverduck]

all the energy he put in for that consistency off the top of my head for a chance at a top team

making sure ricky and the pitwall don't fuck him up (this is an every race weekend affair Abu Dhabi 23 trauma me thinks)

missing a race (I have so much to say about this week aka al ula is actually a cursed place)

gaining a weight advantage for a win (winning after appendicitis +10000 aura pts cojones de toro! el matador😭)

i was writing my thesis during Japan-China so idk😶

making miami interesting

tire explosion before the race but the monaco podium loves him for some reason

canada dnf(Imagine if that didn't happen and the car was good enough for a p3-5)

trying to be positive after a shit race in Canada only to nagged at after your home race in front of everyone 😭

getting and unexpected podium

creating his own colour code for proper track advantage in the rain

deciding your tire strategy for a race which sort of ended up winning the race but your team didn't trust the strategy(can't decide if it was a good or bad decision till now not to do H-H in spa instead of H-M-H)

well at least he has a seat now at the end of the day he's a thinking driver but i as a fan wanted more for him🥲 all hope isn't lost but I've still not come to terms with the news but I know he'll always do his best cause that's just what he does can't want to see what he does the rest of the season hopefully he gets to sing smooth operator with Ricky 1 last time!

[polksaladava]

hello besties!!! i’m back from the dead (aka my yearly seasonal depression rot). i hope everyone had a wonderful holiday 🫶🏻

i was lurking on here yesterday, of course for our boy’s b-day, but the constant reminder that he did not live to see old age had me spiraling so i logged off lol. i’m so happy seeing so many besties posting pics from Memphis this week - have so much fun and eat some gumbo for me!! fingers crossed i can get back to Graceland at some point this year 🤞🏼

now for the yap sesh (putting this under the cut because literally who cares lol)

i’m taking a 6 month ballet class that starts today and i’m so nervous. i’ve never danced before, but i was OBSESSED with barre pre-covid (it’s a mix of pilates and ballet), so i think i’ll like it. one of my goals for this year is to find ways to move my body that i actually enjoy - i’m just not a HIIT girlie and i need to accept that. so wish me luck because i’m very nervous but very excited!!

another one of my goals for this year is to spend more time developing my hobbies and creative endeavors. to that end, i’ve started writing!! i haven’t written fiction since high school, but i have so many ideas floating around in my head and i thought it might be a fun creative outlet. i cannot thank @atleastpleasetelephone enough for being so encouraging and helpful when i obviously have no idea what i’m doing 🙈 so grateful for you and for all of the other girlies here who i love and adore. my goal was to post chapter 1 on e’s birthday but alas, that was not in the cards for me. coming soon though hopefully!!

we were snowed in last weekend (we got over 12 inches, it snowed for 2 days straight ☠️) and apparently we are getting MORE this weekend, so i will be snug as a bug at home and will hopefully crank out a few chapters. i also want to get back into painting, which i’ve always loved but haven’t done in a long time for various reasons. i have a few painting ideas floating around in my noggin but i’ll probably just end up painting elvis first because why not lol.

lastly, my fiancé and i are finishing our basement and re-doing our living room ourselves. this is my first real experience with woodworking (we’re building walls and making a very beautiful built in book case for our living room), so if anyone has experience and wants to provide tips, i’m all ears. my fiancé loves woodworking and hasn’t really done it since college, so i’m excited to see him also get back to the things he loves.

ANYWAY that’s all from me for today. love you, miss you, mwah mwah xoxo 🩷

[sxfterhearts]

teaser: jiung being ur soft bf <3

i go absolutely FERAL for jiungs lives fskjfeifjksdfa thank u to whoever made this gif cos i can watch it over and over and-

anyways for the first insecurities!headcannon we have: non-idol/soft bf!jiung and non-idol/insecure gf!y/n

here's the first few dotpoints as a teaser :)

oK so just hear me out here - producer/composer/singer-songwriter extraordinaire choi jiung.

he started out as just a behind-the-scenes guy but awhile back he did a cover of a song he wrote for a popular idol group and blew up on the socials

so now he’s garnered a humble but sizeable following on instagram - just a group of dedicated followers who love his music and tune in to his sporadic insta lives

his fans love it because not only do they get a chance to see the face behind kpop's greatest hits, but jiung also usually does his lives from his studio where he's producing or practicing

which usually involves a bit of teasing and spoilers of upcoming music - fans love guessing which group will get to sing which unreleased song

anyways, it's a typical friday night for jiung. his work week was somewhat disrupted by an impromptu business trip down to busan to meet with his co-producers and potential international collaborators

he got back last night, but had been busy getting back into the swing of things today - just following up on emails, checking in with his team and making sure things in his everyday life are running in order

don't get him wrong - he's utterly grateful for the opportunity to work with such big names in the industry, but work trips and travel always zap the energy out of him

coupled with that the fact that he didn't manage to squeeze in time for the usual sunday date night with you before he left - jiung was feeling drained and in need of some serious T.L.C. (aka tender loving cuddles)

speaking of - he's nearly reaching the end of a short insta live, when his audio and video freezes; spazzing out as jiung's bright red phone vibrates, signaling a call from you...

... and that's it for now !! i have a feeling that even tho its a headcannon it will be kinda lengthy cos i have a lot to say... (let me know what u guys think of that!!!) hopefully it'll be released before the weekend! sending lots of love to everyone who reads this <333

[notyourprof]

A’s Very Incomplete But Hopefully Easily-Digestible F1 & F1 Fandom 101

Since @powerful-owl's call for F1 Primers, I’ve seen several really nice, detailed, intro-to-race weekend primers, but I wanted to provide a…slightly less intense one for folks who are brand new and aren’t yet interested in learning about the difference between understeer and undercutting. So, just in time for the final race of 2023, in the style of @writesharriet's The Untamed 101, please enjoy A’s Very Incomplete But Hopefully Easily-Digestible F1 & F1 Fandom 101.

1) Okay, fine. What is Formula 1?

Formula 1, aka F1, is an international car racing series that’s been happening annually since 1950*. There is a new racing season each year, and the number of races per year has increased over time. In 2024, there are 24 races scheduled, the most ever, and they will take place in 21 different countries, starting in March and ending in December. Drivers earn points primarily by finishing in the top ten places of a race. (There are other ways to earn points, but that is the main way.) The higher a driver finishes, the more points they get. Each season there are two championships up for grabs: one for the driver who scores the most points, called the World Drivers’ Championship or WDC, and one for the team that scores the most points, called the World Constructors’ Championship.

*Technically, some F1 races happened before 1950, but 1950 was the first year of the championship series.

2) Wait, there are teams? Isn’t racing, like, an individual sport?

Yes, and also yes. There are currently (as of 2023) ten teams in F1, and each team has two cars (and corresponding drivers) in each race. There is a long set of rules that each team must follow when constructing their cars, aka the “formula” of Formula 1. There is, however, flexibility in the rules for team engineers to be creative and innovative, so there are (sometimes drastic) differences between the cars in a given year. The popular names of the ten teams in the 2023 season are: Alfa Romeo, AlphaTauri, Alpine, Aston Martin, Ferrari, Haas, McLaren, Mercedes, Red Bull, and Williams. All ten of those teams will be back for 2024, but a few will have new names.

(Many of the teams have longer names that often include sponsors, e.g. the Aston Martin Aramco Cognizant F1 Team, and some of the current teams have changed names over the years, and/or have upcoming name changes. The intricacies of team/constructor names are a subject for a different post.)

3) Okay but what about the drivers?

Most teams have the same two primary drivers for the duration of a given season, and these days, many drivers will be with the same team for a large part of their career. Most teams also have a third (aka reserve, or backup) driver who can step in at the last minute if a primary driver is injured or ill. It is also possible for teams to replace their primary drivers mid-season. This is especially common among teams that have close partnerships with each other (e.g. Mercedes and Williams) and/or are owned by the same company (e.g. Red Bull and AlphaTauri).

But in general, you can usually assume that the drivers for a given team will be the same for an entire season. This can lead to intense rivalries! (If you like enemies/rivals to lovers, you are in luck in this fandom!) It’s often stated that the only “true” way to compare two drivers against each other is if they are teammates and therefore driving identical cars, because then it’s down to the driving prowess of the driver. (It is, of course, more complicated than that, but those intricacies are again beyond the scope of this post.)

For the past few decades, it has been common for there to be dominant drivers (in dominant cars) who win a number of WDCs in a row. For example, if we look at the WDC winners (and their teams) since 2010, they are:

2010: Sebastian Vettel (Red Bull)

2011: Sebastian Vettel (Red Bull)

2012: Sebastian Vettel (Red Bull)

2013: Sebastian Vettel (Red Bull)

2014: Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes)

2015: Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes)

2016: Nico Rosberg (Mercedes)

2017: Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes)

2018: Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes)

2019: Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes)

2020: Lewis Hamilton (Mercedes)

2021: Max Verstappen (Red Bull)

2022: Max Verstappen (Red Bull)

2023: Max Verstappen (Red Bull)

Unsurprisingly, you will find a lot of fannish content about the recently-dominant drivers.

4) Who are the current drivers? What about next year?

I have a spreadsheet for that! It is incomplete, but I’m working on filling it out, as well as extending it back in time.

You can use the tabs at the bottom to switch between different ways of sorting/viewing the information, i.e. by driver vs by team.

4b) Okay but who are the people I need to know about for fandom?

The drivers you’re most likely to run into in fic, in alphabetical order by last name, are:

Alex Albon

Lewis Hamilton

Charles Leclerc

Lando Norris

Daniel Ricciardo

Nico Rosberg

George Russell

Carlos Sainz

Max Verstappen

Sebastian Vettel 

Some of the team principals (essentially, the leaders of each team) show up often as well, mostly:

Christian Horner (Team Principal for Red Bull, married to Geri Halliwell, aka Ginger Spice)

Toto Wolff (Team Principal for Mercedes, married to Susie Woff, nee Stoddart, who is a former driver herself, currently runs the F1 Academy series for developing young female drivers, and deserves her own post)

Common ships are:

Max Verstappen/Daniel Ricciardo (aka Maxiel)

Lewis Hamilton/Nico Rosberg (aka Brocedes)

George Russel/Alex Albon (aka Galex)

Max Verstappen/Charles Leclerc (aka Lestappen)

Lewis Hamilton/Sebastian Vettel (aka Sewis)

Carlos Sainz/Lando Norris (aka Carlando)

5) Isn’t there a Netflix show too? What’s the deal with that?

Yes, there is! It’s called Drive to Survive (usually abbreviated as DTS) and it’s both a great way to get to know the personalities of the drivers and also not a 100% accurate portrayal of the interpersonal relationships between drivers. For example, one of the drivers was so displeased by the portrayal of the relationship between him and a former teammate that he basically refused to participate for the next few seasons. (The relationship was portrayed as far more acrimonious than it actually was.) That said, you can absolutely participate in F1 fandom having only ever watched DTS and never watched a race or any other content! Your experience will just be enriched if you also do things like follow the drivers & teams on social media and start to watch races as well.

6) So what are the barriers to entry?

Well first, you have to acknowledge that this is a very silly sport in which most participants are tax-dodging millionaires and billionaires yet still somehow likeable. Once you get past that...

You need a Netflix subscription to watch DTS, but otherwise, that part is pretty straightforward. Watching the actual races (and everything else associated with a race weekend) is a bit more complicated…

7) Okay, FINE, if I were going to watch a race how would I do that?

First, a heads-up that the actual race (aka the Grand Prix) is not the only thing that happens, there is an entire race weekend. A typical race weekend involves: two practice sessions on Friday, one practice session and one qualifying session on Saturday, and the race itself on Sunday. The practice sessions (officially called “free practices” and abbreviated as FP1, FP2, and FP3) allow teams and drivers to get used to the track as well as play around with different ways of setting up the car. The qualifying session is used to set the start order (called “the grid”) for Sunday’s race. It’s broken down into three parts, and the start order is determined by the lap times the drivers set–the faster the lap time, the higher up a driver starts on the grid. (For the most part. There can be other factors in play such as grid position penalties. Again, the details of qualifying and grid penalties are beyond the scope of this post.) 

Note that for the past few years, a few weekends per season are “sprint weekends”, which have a different format. Again, the details aren’t really for this post, but I plan to write another post specifically about sprint weekends sometime in the near future. Even on sprint weekends, there is still the actual race on Sunday.

New fans might not find the practices very interesting, so I would generally recommend starting with a race itself and perhaps qualifying (aka “quali”) also. 

(Podium celebrations for the top three at the conclusion of a race involve lots of sparkling wine spraying everywhere.)

7b) Okay, so how would one watch the race itself? 

It is…complicated, and very region-dependent. 

If you’re in the UK, you need to have a subscription to Sky Sports to watch anything from a race weekend live. Note that if you don’t have a Sky Box, there is only a short period of time in which you can watch a race back…after that, you can only watch race highlights on Sky. 

In the US, you need a combination of ESPN cable channels (e.g. ESPN, ESPN2, and ESPNU) and ESPN+ access to watch everything, although sometimes the race will also be shown on ABC. Alternatively, you can subscribe to F1 TV Pro, which gives you live streaming of everything from race weekends, plus access to watch all of the past races. 

Frustratingly, F1 TV Pro is not available in all countries (notably, not the UK), and in those countries the only option is F1 TV Access, which is cheaper, but does not include anything from the current season, just the archived seasons. You can check what’s available in your country here: https://www.formula1.com/en/toolbar/content_schedule.html Unfortunately, I am not familiar with other viewing options in other countries, but if anyone adds info in replies or reblogs, I will add it in! 

As you watch the race, you will hear the commentators use a lot of jargon that you can find explained in other, more detailed, primers, but even if you don’t understand a whole lot of what they’re saying, it’s still enjoyable to just watch the racing!

Even if you can’t ever watch a race live, F1 puts a lot of content on their YouTube channel, including race recaps and highlights: https://www.youtube.com/@Formula1 They also have a lot of fun content with the drivers (see the “Grill The Grid” series, especially) in addition to plenty of explainers about the tech and design of the cars. The individual teams also have great YouTube channels with lots of general and race-specific information as well as fun content with their drivers.

Okay, I think this primer has managed to be both too much and not enough, LOL, so it’s time to call it. Happy race-watching, folks! 🏎

(If you spot any factual or grammatical errors in this, please let me know so I can fix them! I wasn’t able to get someone to read this over in advance, so it’s very possible there are some!)

[the-whispers-of-death]

dad!butcher has not stopped haunting me, so now its your turn to write /lh

aka can i pretty please with a cherry on top and a kiss on the cheek request kali's reaction to butcher bringing diane home for the first time? i know he was nice about it, but ough, my brain isnt braining and i want to see dad!kali shine too,,,

(and just so you know, he *did* end up getting the groceries with diane together. so he didnt come home empty handed. in fact, hes overcompensating, if anything /j)

A New Child Acquired

Okay, yes I will indulge us on seeing Kali react to Diane coming home with Butcher. More Dad!Kali content is content we need.

Full disclosure, I forgot to reread what you had wrote about Diane and Butcher meeting so I accidentally made it so that it's dinnertime when Butcher and Diane come home instead of it being lunch time. It be like that sometimes.

Also, I was too lazy to give this a look-over. There might be typos.

Word Count: 2,079

Ashok moved around the kitchen, working with the little ingredients he had. He knew his boyfriend would hopefully be back soon with the groceries, but he saw how hungry their children were getting and he just couldn't wait for Adam to come home.

He hummed to himself as he chopped up the vegetables, making sure to check on the beef that was being cooked as he chopped. Once the vegetables were chopped, he placed them in with the beef and stirred it around, making sure everything was getting cooked evenly.

Once the beef and vegetables were cooked, he took out four plates for him and the three kids. He plated the rice he had made before the beef and vegetables in all four plates before putting the beef and vegetables on top. He made sure it was all plated nicely before setting the plates on the dining table.

"Betas! Dinner is ready!" he called out to his children, putting the dishes in the sink for him to clean after he ate. He sat down at the table, waiting for his children.

All three kids came into the kitchen but per usual, Charles and Samuel took their individual plates to their bedrooms. Ashok didn't mind, knowing it was best not to push them to socialize more than they could handle. He was just happy they were eating, no matter where they ate.

"How is your schoolwork going, Lakshmi?" Ashok asked his daughter, smiling at her when she sat down to join him at the dinner table. He waited to eat, only eating when she started. "Are you having trouble with anything?"

Lakshmi was smart, as was the rest of the kids, but she struggled with math sometimes. He never blamed for it, especially with how math was being taught nowadays. He just hoped she was comfortable enough with him to ask for help.

Lakshmi shook her head. "I've started to get the hang of algebra, finally. I finished my homework, actually," she said, beaming at him.

Ashok's smile widened at the news, thankful his daughter was having an easier time with algebra. "You did? I'm so proud of you, Beta. I'm glad it's starting to get easier for you."

The rest of the dinner was the two of them chatting about everything and anything. By the time dinner was finished and Ashok washing the dishes, he felt lighter even with the small worry at the back of his head about how it was taking Adam so long to come home.

"Ah ah, no. Go to your room and chill, Beta," he said when Lakshmi tried to help him with the dishes. He smiled at how generous she was and splashed with her a little bit of water to stop her from picking up a plate. "You deserve to relax after all that time you spent as school. I remember how school was back in my day and I hear it's even worse now, so much pressure on you kids. So go, have fun. You can help me wash the dishes on the weekends, if you're so inclined."

"Thank you, Baba." Lakshmi came up to him and pressed a kiss against his cheek, smiling up at him. She then turned on her heel and walked out of the kitchen, no doubt doing whatever her heart desired.

Ashok finished washing the dishes he had before he went to the boys' bedrooms and knocked twice. He didn't dare open the door, waiting for the boys to do that so they could hand him their plates. He wasn't in the habit of going into the boys' rooms if they didn't want him to, giving them the option of just meeting him in their doorways to give him the plates.

He murmured that he loved them before they closed their bedroom doors and he went back to the kitchen to wash the two plates. He glanced at the clock, frowning when he saw how late he was.

Where was Adam?

As soon as he had that thought, the front door was unlocked. Two pairs of footsteps entered the house, the rustling of plastic bags full of groceries being heard.

Ashok's eyebrows furrowed at the sound of two pairs of footsteps, unaware that his boyfriend was coming home with someone in tow. He grabbed his glasses, having forgotten them all this time due to still being unused to needing them, and put them on so he could see clearly. He walked out of the kitchen and into the living room, seeing who came with Adam.

What he saw broke his heart: a girl who was in clothes far too ratty to give her any protection, the only thing giving warmth being Adam's huge jacket that dwarfed her. She looked so hungry and dirty, most likely spending quite some time on the streets. Worst of all, she had a torn ear, caked in blood.

"Oh hello!" he said, giving her a bright smile to try and ease her discomfort.

He immediately went to thermostat and turned up the heat, not liking the fact that she most likely had been out in the cold before Adam had found her. Poor girl was going to get sick due to the snowstorm that was coming.

"I'm Ashok. Would you be comfortable telling me your name? You don't have to tell me if you don't want to, it's whatever will make you feel the most comfortable."

He waited patiently, still giving her a bright smile. He didn't mind being patient with her, it was clear she would need a lot of patience.

Like he did with most children he met, he felt a pull to make sure she was taken care of. He had to remind himself that he couldn't be so bold with her, especially because he didn't even know if she had parents who were looking for her.

"She said her name is Diane," Adam said, drawing his boyfriend's attention to him. He still held the grocery bags, but he was moving towards the kitchen to put the groceries away. "Found her on the street, knee-deep in the snow. So I brought her here, after getting the groceries."

Ashok's eyebrows furrowed at that, glancing at Diane briefly before turning back to Adam. "You took her grocery shopping with you and then brought her here? What about her parents?"

"Please don't kick me out!"

Ashok's head whipped to Diane, surprised at her speaking.

She sounded so scared, it made his heart ache. Her reaction made it clear that her parents would not want her back, that she had nowhere else to go instead of here.

Well, in that case, Ashok would take her. No child deserved to be kicked out and left to defend themselves.

"You're not going to be kicked out," he said, his voice softening to soothe her. He drew closer to her, arms stretched out to comfort her. He saw her flinch and while his heart broke at the sight, he dropped his arms immediately.

"Have you eaten? There's leftover of the dinner I cooked. Enough for you both."

Adam nodded in response to the question. "I gave her food before we got the groceries and we ate," he answered.

Ashok relaxed at that, grateful that she was no longer hungry. He remembered the torn ear of Diane's and figured they should start with that.

He hummed in thought, taking in his options. "I would call Vik normally, but he's not very gentle. I think we should at least check her ear, see if it needs stitches, and then go from there. If it doesn't need stitches, I can disinfect and bandage it myself," he said, knowing that while his best friend was the best at taking care of injuries, Vikram would probably scare Diane.

He didn't want Diane to be scared any more. She deserved to feel safe.

Ashok left Adam to put away the groceries, taking Diane to the bathroom since that was where the medical bag was. He gestured for her to come closer, feeling sad when she seemed to only obey in the hopes of pleasing him. He checked her ear, breathing out a sigh of relief that she didn't need stitches.

He washed his hands before disinfecting her ear, taking care to be as gentle as he could be. He took out the bandages before realizing she should probably shower first.

"Actually, let's get you washed up and put in fresh clothes before I bandage your ear, okay?" His voice still held that gentle tone, not wanting to keep her on edge. "I'll show you how the shower valves since they're a bit confusing at first and then I'll leave you to shower while I get you clothes. How does that sound?"

Diane looked so out of place as she stood near the shower with him, but he tried to push that thought of his mind. He had to focus on ensuring she was taken care of.

Once he felt she knew how to work the shower, he left her to shower and went to Lakshmi's room. He knocked twice to announce himself, smiling when she said "Come in!" a minute later. He opened the door and stepped inside the bedroom.

"Beta, I'm sorry to interrupt your reading, but I need a favor," he said, noting how she was curled up in a comfortable chair with a book. He went near the closet, but didn't open it. "Do you mind if I borrow your clothes? It's for a girl your age, someone Adam brought home."

Lakshmi nodded and then laughed. "Uncle Ivan wasn't kidding when he said it was a miracle you hadn't adopted a kid off the street yet," she said, still giggling. "Guess that ends today?"

Ashok playfully frowned at her, making sure she knew he wasn't really upset. "Oh, so you and Uncle Ivan have been talking about me behind my back? You wound me, Beta. Guess I'll just have to retaliate by telling him about the time you accidentally snorted soda up your nose."

He dodged a pillow thrown his way, chuckling. He grabbed the clothes and kissed her forehead, leaving before she threw another pillow at him.

He walked back to the bathroom, opening the door and looking inside the room enough just to put the clothes on the counter.

"I'm leaving the clothes on the counter for you after you finish your shower! Take your time and then tell me when you're ready for your ear to be bandaged."

With those words, he exited the bathroom and closed the door again to give Diane privacy. He went to the kitchen where Adam was still putting away the groceries.

"So you brought a kid home," he said, not at all surprised considering how much of a soft spot Adam seemed to have for kids underneath all of that tough demeanor he had.

Adam glanced Ashok's way before refocusing on the groceries. "I couldn't leave her there and I knew she was safe here, with us. She didn't seem to mind, as she asked me to be her dad." He glanced back at his boyfriend. "Do you not want her here?"

"I never said that."

Ashok's answer was immediate, both of them knowing he would never turn a kid away. It was part of why Adam brought her here in the first place. His heart was big enough for the kids they already had and one more.

"She's a nice kid, Diane." Ashok pretended to sound nonchalant as he helped his boyfriend put away the groceries.

"She is." Adam's lips pulled into a cocky smirk, knowing the answer to the question he was about to ask. "So, can we keep her?"

Ashok scrunched his nose in displeasure at the wording. "That sounds like she's not a human being with free will." He shook his head at his thoughts before moving closer to Adam. "If she wants to stay... Well, I wouldn't object."

Adam chuckled at that, wrapping his arms around Ashok's waist to pull him even closer. "You already think of her as your daughter, don't you, doll?"

"I plead the fifth."

They both chuckled at Ashok's words, their moment being broken by the bathroom door being opened. Ashok gave Adam a small kiss before getting out of his hold, going to where Diane was waiting for him.

He neared her and his heart melted at seeing her freshly dressed and cleaned.

Yeah, she was his daughter already.

MDNI & Reblog banners made by @/cafekitsune

Once again, I don't truly like the way this ending is but alas endings continue to evade me. Anyways, I hope this was good.

[beesinspades]

4.6k into the last chapter of creechur vash fic! 🫡 making steady progress towards maybe....hopefully....finishing the (rough, aka a lot of editing needed) draft before the end of the upcoming weekend. which means that, as planned, I should be able to post it in december, and you won't have to wait as long as usual! :D

my only problem is purely 'logistics'. I still don't know if I should make the epilogue part of chapter 11 after a longer paragraph break, or if I should cut the last scene of chapter 11 and make it chapter 12 also with the epilogue further down the page, or if I should make the epilogue a chapter of its own, even though it won't be more than, say, 500 words. I have no idea which option is best or worse >.>

[alanshee-keeper-of-realms]

Do I say I do?

Synopis: In 1945 Congress and the Senate demand that the Toon Studios of Warner and Disney settle their differences after both are caught forming battlelines. The government forcing them to choose one toon on either side that would be married to each other to cement this bridge.

After being locked up in the water tower in 1934, James Rabbit Aka Yakko Warner would do anything to free his siblings but is he willing to be married off to some Disney Toon named Max Goof for that freedom?

A/N: Something I cooked up for the Yax folks have this sneak peak that I'm sure will make you just as mad as Goofy is over this situation. Yakko is trans as well so TW for misgendering and Misogyny

.........

He growled lowly as the man grabbed his face, Walts eyes narrowing,

"Behave yourself," he said sharply as he moved Yakkos head, looking closely,"Mmm, and you say she's a Warner? Some of the linework it is like ours."

The Warner boss grinned asking innocently,

"Didn't you hear me, Mr Disney? She is from one of your creations. It is why we figured over at Universal and Warner, Yakko would be perfect for your little Max. She is the daughter of Oswald and Ortensia, the Niece of Mickey it would assist in tying the Goof and Mouse families together as well." The CEO chuckled as Walts eyes lit up, his grip tightened, making Yakko wince at the vice like grip, before letting go,

The Animator turned going to his desk,

"She will do then, Max is being redesigned, and she should be as well, I had to go through Marceline over that." He sighed, Yakko could see in his eyes he was tired, he shrugged, pulling out a cigarette,

"It is the government, though. I told her that unless someone else wishes too then this is the only option." He put the object to his lips and lit it, taking a drag he muttered with a shake of the head,

"I don't want to make children grow up faster than they should. However, it has come to this. Just thanking the Lord above that they aren't forcing em to produce offspring, I know Max still has the mindset of a 6 year old, Yakko is that of a pre teen, she has no manners either, one of us would be stuck raising the mongrol to make sure they didn't end up feral."

He took another drag, James had already decided he didn't like this Walt Disney. But it also seemed like he had prior history with his Dad, so he'd play nice for now, putting on a smile fiddling with the skirt he couldn't wait to get out of,

"We are already working on that redesign." The Toon blinked horror shooting through him,

He knew how these animators treated female toons, let alone he didn't want to be, but he remembered Bugs warning of

Keep yer head down, kid, whatever they do to ya, you'll always outlast em and in the future you'll hopefully get to be who you wanna be with your sibs also loose,

"Yakko!" The sharp call made him snap to attention, he realized Walt was looking at him, softening his voice to be like they wanted,

"Sorry sirs, I got lost in thought, you were saying?"

"I was saying that you should go with Minnie and Lillian and get your wedding dress sorted this weekend. The event is 7 months away,"

"And I agreed since your redesign is tomorrow"

[andromebaa]

My 2023 Writing Wrap Up

Stole this idea from Lovova lmao. Let’s see if I can figure out what I’ve been writing this year. I mean, we all know what I’ve been writing but let’s just see it in words:

January

Starting the year strong by not really doing much. Might have been dabbling with some OCs but nothing too notable.

February

Uploaded the start of a fic version of my play-by-post Danganronpa AU Despair’s Legacy to my brand new AO3 account before promptly leaving it to rot. Also uploaded the first chapter of a silly little Oumota fic that I wrote for funsies. This is the start of the Just the Two of Us brainrot. To prove it, I then proceeded to write and upload five more chapters.

Addendum: Completely forgot that the first fic I ever uploaded to my AO3 this month was my Ishimaru/reader smut I wrote like six years ago lmaoooo gotta remember your roots

March

Went cazy and uploaded six more chapters of Just the Two of Us. I was officially obsessed.

Also started doing some initial planning for my other two danganhorror fics.

April

Brain started exploding so I only uploaded three Just the Two of Us chapters this month. Also wrote the side smut story for it, Defragmentation, over the Easter weekend.

May

Started the far more sustainable action of writing only one chapter of Just the Two of Us a month. Also started planning the Moulin Rouge Oumota au that I never finished - sad!

June

Began planning for Oumota Week 2023. Wrote a small sci-fi/horror fic called Facsimile for a Kaito/Maki writing week. Published another two chapters of Just the Two of Us.

July

Through some unholy will I published seven seperate short fics for Oumota week ranging from a mermaid au to a silly family au and a short Haiku poem based on the origin of the Tanabata festival. Somehow published another chapter of Just the Two of Us as well.

August

Wrote my official oneshot smut for Oumota as part of the package deal which I’m doing for each of my main danganhorror fics. Also managed to complete another chapter of the Just the Two of Us. Also started writing REDACTED.

September

Another chapter of Just the Two of Us successfully uploaded!

October

The final chapter of Just the Two of Us is uploaded and I finally allowed myself to rest for like a week or two before going back to the grind.

November

Ceremoniously failed to work on an original junior/YA story for NaNoWriMo and just like start working on my next Danganhorror fic Every Day is Exactly the Same.

December

Uploaded the first chapter of my next Danganhorror fic aka the one where Yasuhiro ends up in a time loop. Got nasty bad Togakure brainrot and proceeded to spend most of the month jumping between the main fic and the smut one shot.

Aaaaand that’s a wrap up! It’s been a very very productive year and although it’s almost all been fic stuff I’ve never been more proud of myself. I started and finished a 140,000 word fic and also wrote almost a dozen short fics on the side too.

I can’t wait to see what this new year will bring! I’m definitely not going to go too hard and burn out but I hope I’ll still be productive! My biggest goal will be to finish Every Day is Exactly the Same and hopefully start a new non-fic project too.

Let’s see how it goes!

[lavendelhummel]

20 Questions about writing - another tag-game!

Now that I spend my Sunday doing the music game, why not do it again? Because  as I said before but want to say again: thank you for *all* the tags @lilolilyr ! I appreciate all of them a whole lot! But especially the ones about writing!! Because I love writing and talking about it and because I still struggle a bit to call myself writer with my cute little 125k words on ao3 and especially with so rarely finding the time to write recently :( Aaand looks like I just answered one of the questions: 

2. What’s your total ao3 word count?

It’s 125418 at the moment (hoping that I’ll finally come around editing the 10k chapter next weekend, that sits on my computer for months now, that would change it quite drastically but we’ll see).

But back to the beginning: 

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

Not that many, 7. Most of my ideas still live in my head, mostly out of lack of time to write. It's a very varied mix of length though, my first work are 15 chapters of single one shots, that I posted as one story because I didn't want to take up to much space. Then I have the WiP, that is almost 80k now and not at all finished, I have most of the next chapter finished and it's again quite long. But in between being able to finish that I suddenly started posting shorter works too, one two-shot and one one-shot. And now there is also two new one shots that are a different fandom and the first thing I was able to write since I had to stop for real life stress reasons for a few months, one of them was written together with @lilolilyr, another first experience, writing together, such fun! And then there is also another oneshot collection about pregnancy, that I almost forgot, that I have plans for but tbh they are not very high on the priority list.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly The Wheel of Time (well, Siuaraine aka the fishwives) so far, but those two newer ones are Warehouse 13 (Bering&Wells) and so are many of my unwritten ideas. And I wrote about Marla and Fran from I care a lot.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Well, since there aren't that many, it's all of them expect for those two Warehouse ones.

But to be more precise: for some reason, by far, very far that one-shot collection for I care a lot with 176 kudos. I don't understand this at all, because I wouldn't rec them nor do them this way again, they are quite weird and my first fanfic steps. I definitely see that I have gotten better since then, even though it hasn't been terribly long! Still, I am very happy if people had fun reading this!! Second is the long fic with so far 7 chapters and I think, this can be explained by it having more chapters than the others but also I put a lot of work in it, so it's nice. And then the 4 chapter one shot collection with 48 kudos, then the one shot I wrote as a birthday present for @ginnyjyng and fifth the short mermaid two shot - still planning on writing a longer Mermaid AU! - with 18 kudos.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, every single one, always so far. Even this one, though it confused me a lot:

And why? Because if someone says something to me, I answer, I react? Because comments make me over the moon happy and I want to show it? Because I love to talk to people and when someone comes to me to talk, yes I will talk! And I think I would feel impolite not to as well, if someone goes out of their way to tell me something about my writing, then I can answer that. And also! I am unfortunately still working on overcoming my shyness in commenting other peoples fics and if I do that and get a reply it makes me a) happy and b) makes it so much easier to comment again because it means I hopefully didn't annoy the person (rationally I know that other people are as happy about comments as I am but... it's not fully rational).

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't think I have any fic with an angsty ending! Life is hard enough, I want happy endings and also happy beginnings and middle parts! So no angsty endings at all, but you could call the fix-it chapter/one shot of the I care a lot- collection angsty because it deals with the not-so-happy ending of the otherwise great movie (I don't like it anymore, if anyone wants to read about it, better try the follow up chapter, that one is better). And maybe also my new warehouse13 fic, because it deals with Helenas grief and pain, but it's about healing through poetry and both have happy endings!

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Well, all of them then? Happ-iest though... I mean both of the above mentioned because they have a happy resolve? Or rather the ones that are pure fluff, like the birthday one? Or the mermaid one, because sapphic mermaids are the happy ending I am still waiting for for my own life? Btw., even every chapter of the long WiP has its own happy ending. Oh, and I guess chapter7 was a bit angstier too and has a very happy ending! And so chapter8 starts very happy, but unfortunately still unedited in a word document...

8. Do you get hate on fic?

I wouldn't say "hate". But the very first comment I ever got wasn't very positive and I have to admit, it stung for a good while. I am mostly over it now. Well, and the one from above from "weird ass" (why?) calling me "tea snob" (weird ass is right on this one, so I guess its just truth and no hate).

9. Do you write smut?

No, but not because I don't want to or think it's bad. I enjoy reading it from other writers! But I can't do it (yet). I will allude to it though and feel more confident in that the longer I write fic in general, so maybe one day, I will. Right now, I can't.

10. Do you write crossovers?

No, it's not something that interests me. Not even in the little head-scenarios, it just doesn't happen.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so. But again, my fics aren't very plentiful or popular and most very specific, so I don't think they'd be first choice to steal.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, and I can repeat it here again, my fics aren't very plentiful or popular and most very specific, so I don't think they'd be first choice to x (steal, translate, anything).

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Woooohpppp, yes, as I mentioned already, now I have! @lilolilyr and I had fun mentally teasing poor Helena here! It was definitely very different from writing alone, different mindset, atmosphere and feeling afterwards but fun! Different kind of fun than sitting alone at my desk ;) (which is also fun if it's for fanfic). And it was quite spontaneous, we were both actually working on other fics and then interrupted those to do this. Aaand now maybe this new thing that we just thought of? What is going on?

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

I have to say Moiraine and Siuan here! I can't say yet Bering&Wells because I have only been obsessed with them for months, but it feels like an obsession that is going to stick.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

I only have one WIP that is more than an outline and a few sentences but actual posted chapters, it's Yellow. I do still plan on finishing that, the reason it hasn't been updated is that I couldn't write anything at all for a few months and am easing back into writing slowly (still dont have huge amounts of time). But I am thinking about cutting it a bit shorter than originally planned. It would still fully work in the plot and as I said each chapter has a happy end, so it would just not follow their lives as long but have a finished ending. I have 85% of the new chapter written but haven't touched it since mid-july. It is coming!

In my head I have so many and the thought of giving some of them up hurts but realistically I won't write them all. I'll have to see which ones I'll be able to pursue.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I think I can bring a flow into the emotions I try to describe, that they feel kind of natural? And I can't be too trope-y or fake, same as I can't lie in real life, so I'd think my writing should be rather authentic? This is a difficult question, but what I can definitely say is that writing makes me feel very good. It's a very special mindset and calmness that it brings, like a little candle that gets lit inside of me.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Dialogue, I'd say. Not that my dialogue is particularly bad, but initiating it instead of describing the protagonists inner world is sometimes a problem. But I am working on it and I feel like my writing is only getting better. I mean after the involuntary break I am a bit rigid and have to get back into practice but in general there is progress.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

The thing is that there are some things I am used to saying in one language and others in another. Before I committed to fanfic I mostly wrote melodramatic poems in Frallemand (because let’s be honest, Freutsch klingt scheiße), maybe 80% French (because that’s what I mostly use in my head for some reason) and 20% German (because that is after all what I grew up with and spent the bigger part of my life with). So, yes, I love using that! But it had to fit the character and the story, have a reason. And I often find it doesn‘t go very naturally in some fics. In my head it makes sense to use multiple languages but in my head lots of things make sense that could be hard to follow on page. The question is what is the character‘s relationship with this language and words in general? Who are they talking to, do they understand? What about the POV is it in the mixed languages too? 

Are it words or whole sections? I don’t like just using cliché words in that language and the whole rest in English, no one (me?) talks like that. 

So far when I have used another language than English, it was in a way that it got explained during the next few sentences by the characters anyway, so it felt like a flow and not interrupted by translation.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

It was I care a lot. I had been trough a bad few months mentally and was starting to do better, and when I watched that film (and loved it) suddendly I started having ideas and it felt like a fog had finally be lifted. I hadn’t been able to access my creative side for a few years at that point because of stress, and it felt so good. So I tried to never give it up again (obviously I had to take breaks again but I didn’t forget about it like before).

And when I read more interviews with Rosamund Pike because of I care a lot I found out about The Wheel of Time and read the books and got into that. 

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

My favorite is the least popular. It is a bit of nonsense but so fun and I like the ambiance. Dreaming of waves. The first chapter is serious and actually canon compliant and the second a bit cracky. A bit of siuaraine mermaid fic when I couldn’t write a whole long AU (which I still want to do but we will see when). And now I also like the most recent one I posted, it’s about Helena discovering my favorite poet and so probably as self indulgent as the mermaid one. I got very little feedback on both, especially the last one, so if someone has thoughts, I’d love to discuss them! 

Thank you again, so much for tagging me @lilolilyr! I am tagging @lakeofsilverpike and @trollocks-in-my-bollocks. Sorry to both of you, if this feels spammy, I think it is kind of fun and you said you didn't mind spamming. I am curious to know about your feelings on writing, but only do it if you want to! I will stop doing these again now, this took me three days and will spent my time rather on actual fic writing and not writing about writing ;)

[catchingbigfish]

writing plans for the rest of 2023

aka, yet another accountability post i'll laugh at in a few months when i realize how off track my plans have gone again

i am freakishly close to done with the first draft of Conversion; i'm at 57k words as of right this very second, and i'm trying very hard to not go past 90k words on the first draft (even though i think it could edge closer to 120k if i let go with full reckless abandon), and really, my target is to make it a tight 80-85k words. plus, my weekend plans to swap my office and bedroom (who the fuck decided the largest room should be the place you sleep?? that makes no sense!) have been thwarted by my fiance getting sick again, so if i run another few 4-5k days in a row? i might knock this out within the week.

on top of that, i'm enrolled in julia inglis's new shadow doll course (it's a shameless indulgence of mine) which starts august first, so it seems like the prime time to consider exactly how i plan to spend late summer/early fall and nanowrimo this year. here's my current plan:

finish the first draft of Conversion by July 31. this seems very doable so far, unless i really do let go and indulge in all those side conversations and small subplots boiling around in my brain.

spend all of august really delving into the shadow doll course, giving my brain a serious break from writing, and channel all that energy into other types of creativity. this also seems doable, but there's a chance i'll be forced onto a business trip in late august. if that's the case, it'll probably be three or four days, and i'll go ahead and do my first read-through of conversion on the trip. (i read So It Goes way too early and i realize that now -- i have to find a way to force myself to give it at least three weeks before i read through Conversion.)

spend september working on a developmental, high-level, birds-eye-view revision of the first draft of Conversion. if all goes according to plan, i'll use the first few weeks to draft new character sketches and go back to tidy up any mischaracterizations from the characters developing along the drafting process, tighten plot points that i think are dragging, and do a new zero draft based on the first draft plus any new additions i think are necessary, then spend the last few weeks doing the actual drafting for any new scenes i need (and hopefully, for the love of god, creating actual chapter breaks in there). this also seems doable.

get Conversion ready for alpha-readers and zero draft the sort-of-sequel Apostate (👀) in october. yeah i'm basically fully committed to this idea now, lol. the working title is Apostate because i'm terrible at titles and i think it's a fun counterpoint to the title Conversion. i've realized my original cult fiction concept works unreasonably well as a follow up to Conversion (and that's one of the two reasons the ending changed so dramatically), so i'm going for it. i'm not confident i can do this all in october, but i'd love to do nanowrimo again this year and draft Apostate during the month, so this is like my stretch goal. also, i'm not comfortable calling it beta reading just yet, but i'm hoping to get Conversion to a point where i can hand it off to some people who can tell me if it's working, where things are lacking, and any glaring issues i can't see because i'm too close it. (if all goes according to plan, i hope to make a call for alpha readers in early october and have the draft handed over by november so i can force myself to only work on Apostate that month! i wouldn't expect readers to actually dive in until after november, since most likely, they'll be doing nano too -- but it's just the best way to motivate myself). this is definitely the goal i see most likely to fall off track.

spend november drafting Apostate. again, the entire concept of writing Apostate is definitely the weakest link in my plans, but it would be so nice to do!

take december off. seriously, if i actually do this in the way i want, i will need *so* much of a break it's unreal.

[tenpintsofsundrop]

Today's Update:

I really need to crack down and work on editing Lesson Two. I think if I really try to concentrate on editing it, I can have it posted by the end of the week

Saw X is coming out this weekend so I'm hoping to have it done and posted by then 😂

Also - yesterday I started working on a Harry Potter fic (several, actually) and it's the most fun I've had in a long time working on a fic, and I am trying so hard not to get distracted writing other stuff that Lesson Two just sits in my drafts for another month. The easiest thing to two when I have autism and keep switching my focus is just to 'get something out of my way' - aka get it out of my drafts so you guys can enjoy it and I can move on to working on other things.

So hopefully Lesson Two is posted on Friday or before Friday!!!!!

[myl0v3yy]

and so it begins rant #1

SOOOOOOOO (im gonna end up starting all my rants like this arent i…)

i was just sleeping and woke up to a freaking phone call (what a terrible way to wake up when you dont have school [second to an alarm i guess 😝]) and low and behold it was my stepmother calling. it was pretty whack but i didnt think much of it she was in the area so i assumed she wanted to meet up and i was pretty cool with it. WELL I WAS WRONG.

She ended up calling because she wanted to know if my dad had talked to me about their situation (and i guess here would be a nice time to give some background knowledge. so when i was a baby like a year or so old my mom and dad divorced and both have been remarried since i was like 5 or 6 lmao. and basically bout a year ago or something i dont really remember tbh my dad and my step mom were going through a rough patch and my dad sent out a text message that read “Hey kids, Mom just told me she wants a divorce, I really tried to save this marriage but I guess to much damage already done to fix, I really am a good person with a good heart despite what she says I’ve done. I still love her very much but we are not happy and there is no need to drag this on. I just want yall to know I love yall very much and if yall ever need anything we are both here for all of yall, I will be looking for a new place here in (state name) hopefully by March, sorry for this bad news through text but just wanted yall to know before it comes out.”

I was a wreck because i while yes i am a child of split parents I never actually dealt with them going through the divorce. anywho they ended up making up with each other and all was well.) well it WAS well up until this weekend. earlier this week on tuesday i think my dad called me saying he was gonna be in my town and wanted to meet up on saturday. I was down i didnt have anything i just found it kinda funny he spent Valentines weekend away from my step mom but didnt think much of it. so fast forward to saturday my dad picks me up and were about to go out to eat and he asked me if i knew anything about him and my stepmom. (my mother had already told me they were going though yet another rough patch (no surprises here LMAO) i said kinda and he told me that they MIGHT get a divorce and that it would be better than just trying to stay together.

i was okay with that conversation but i also didnt really know what to think because i was just kinda over it because this was the second time i had heard this “nonsense” or whatever. we went to breakfast everything was chill and whatever nice and dandy with that small bit of information. yippie! Anywho the next day roughly the same thing happens we go out for food he takes me go buy some stuff takes me home says he’ll see me later yada yada. the NEXT morning (aka this morning) my stepmom calls me and asks how its going and that shes not currently at home but that shes visiting people for a galentines, whatever. she then asks what i know about her and my dad. I say that my dad told me what was likely to happen and that when she had told me that they were ACTUALLY getting a divorce and i was kinda shocked to hear that they had already filed for a divorce rather than just “oh its a hard maybe”. I was at a loss for words.

this time i was kinda just like, “ oh this is actually happening… cool…” what really got me into tears (for some reason) was when she had told me that she loved me and that if there was anything i needed from her that i could just ask. or call or whatever and she would be there. and i think that hearing that made me cry because she has been in my life for so long it’ll be weird without her but at the same time she was never really IN my life to begin with??? she was always kinda just there. when i was younger i used to go to their house on the weekends and spend the weekend there and stay with my mom for the actual week. then it was every other weekend. then about once every month and then i got to choose if i actually wanted to go over to their house, which as i grew older i saw a little more of their true colors shine through and i just wanted to stop going all together.

after that lovely experience she ended the call saying i love you and how she hopes that i dont fully kick her out of my life but its ultimately my choice. i ended up sobbing and called a good friend of mine (actually waking her up [oops ;-;]) ranting to her and trying to calm down. after i had calmed down i just kinda went on with my life and then my dad called my mother asking if i was okay and if he needed to call me or anything. I just kinda said no not really im okay i guess and yeah. my brother called my mom asking if she knew what was like fully happening and she told him he was kinda like “lmao okay” and yeah.

I dont want to say that either of them are the “bad guy” here but tbh they both fucked up. I feel like as their daughter i have a right to say that both of them are in the wrong. I really dont want to villainize them but at the same time they brought this upon themselves. i know my brother feels the same, he doesnt even really see our dad as his father just mostly as the man that helped my mother make him.

so yeah thats how my day went. pretty cool if you ask me <3 i really feel like this was SO UNNECESSARY for being one of the first things i will end up posting on here. also so sorry for kinda trailing off i was kinda just letting my mind wander while i typed this and just added anything that i deemed needed to be know LMAO. erm if you actually read all this thanks <3 if not thats okay too! i hope that i will remember that tumblr ACTUALLY exists and hopefully i will post something else? anywho thats all i got see ya in my next post (maybe)

[themoonobserved]

Grandma's funeral this weekend.

Going to try and be on my best 'don't tear anyone's head off despite being pregnant' ladylike behavior, despite having to see the brother who abused me, my mother pushing me to have a relationship with him/his new gf, my aunts who are hopefully not going to bilk me out of the money they owe me for event services, further aunt drama with me/aunts/my mom, not to mention any number of ridiculous cousins who may or may not make an appearance.

Pregnancy just being made more public within the family is going to make me the center of attention unfortunately, something I could really do without.

All of this has left me with no time to even think about how I feel about my grandmother (finally) passing after a years long battle with dementia. My mother feels next to nothing allegedly, because to her, her mother died a long time ago. My aunts are beside themselves but also pushing for 'less ugly photos' of my grandmother in the memorial slideshow.

I was one of nearly a dozen of her grandchildren, so I definitely felt a lot closer to my paternal grandmother, who practically raised me as a young child while my mother worked 50+ hour weeks and carried on an almost decade long affair with her boss (my now deceased stepfather) and my father partied, traveled, ran his business, and was generally useless when he wasn't abusive (particularly to my older brother who abused me in turn).

Last year I was able to help her personally so that my aunt (the most beside herself, now in remission from very serious cancer) could go to Hawaii with my mother and aunts to celebrate her birthday. She needed to be transferred from the hospital after breaking her hip, back into memory care. My uncle, who suffered a severe psychotic break during lockdown was also in need of my help during this transfer.

My grandmother had no idea who I was, but was always happy to see me. I entertained her, checked in with the nurses, brought her flowers, visited her every day. Supervised the transfer. I made sure my uncle ate. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. I'd take him out. It was all on the trust so it was no biggie.

Everything went through without a hitch. At the end of the trip, I had to check out of my hotel and the flight I was booked on didn't leave until 7pm. I killed six hours by taking the bus to Pacific Grove and writing at the library by the hospital (as I killed many hours on that trip), eating a celebratory re-draft lunch at Peppers (my favorite Mexican place in PG, right next to the library), and walking the long coastal walkway, all with my suitcase and backpack. Got offered free food by a homeless guy on a bike, which I appreciated. Between my big thrifted leathers, my suitcase (the one my stepdad bought just before he died), and my weird red sunglasses I stuck out like a sore thumb.

Later when my aunts and mother realized this gap they'd programmed into my travel they tried to apologize, looking incredibly foolish imo. All of them are seasoned travelers and would never end up in this situation themselves.

All this to say, I did what I could for my grandmother when she was alive, my aunts and mother take me for granted, and in the future (aka this weekend) I plan to stick up for myself and my boundaries. For myself, my husband, and my baby. Because if I don't take care of myself, who is going to take care of the baby?

Anyways, if you read all of this, thanks. A little bit of void screaming to keep from going crackers.

[citrus-cactus]

Creative Goals Summary (May)

Hm! Well! May is already over, isn't it? It was kind of a weird month for me regarding creative goals. I made some great stuff and a lot of forward progress, but also I... barely finished anything?? So instead of reporting percentages, I'm just going to ramble about the stuff I actually worked on!

Goals are split between “things I will put on Tumblr when they’re done” (aka, fandom stuff), and “things I will be keeping to myself” (because they will eventually have my real name associated with them).

Fandom stuff:

Gargoyles oneshot ("joined in love (not in hate)"). This is the one I declared percentage on this month! I'm still picking away at it. The beginning has been pretty difficult for me to get a handle on in terms of flow, and how much and what sort of detail to include to maintain the mood and tension. Working on it has caused me to notice that when I'm struggling with the beginning of a fic, it makes me feel anxious about finishing the fic as a whole. But I am really happy with the third act, so I know I’ll figure out a way to get there eventually!

OTHER Gargoyles oneshot ("The Room of Infinite Mirrors"). This fic is like... the polar opposite of the one above, but I seem to be incapable of working on one without working on the other, which is so odd! Good news is, I made a huge breakthrough on this one this month too, and while there are gaps in the narrative, what's there is now flowing like a well-oiled machine. Between these two fics, I have 10,000 words (and counting), and as someone who has been struggling with writing for years and years at this point, that’s pretty cool!

Start Haru birthday fanart Er!! I didn’t do this. I feel pretty guilty about it, but I still have time before July 1 🤞

Menoa/Wallace fanart Replaced by the following:

Self-indulgent babygirl fanart. Hasn't progressed past lineart, but I'm really pleased with what I have so far (I mean. Pleased when I’m able to move past the cringe. I’m in constant struggle with the shame spiral, but also I’m gonna do what I want forever, so hopefully I’ll be able to accept that within myself someday!)

Bad End Takuma Series, #2. Um! I marathoned inking and finishing a two-page comic over the long weekend. This piece was not really on my radar for this month, but then I was like, "you know what would be fun? TAKUMA ANGST." And guess what… it was! The finished piece is about on par with the version that exists in my head (win!) and I’ve enjoyed using my floaty shoujo-art powers for evil (I always do) >:3 [Finished piece is here!]

Personal stuff:

Secret Personal Project (SPP) Research I showed what I have to a few more people, but I need to do this research for real next month!

Christmas-present-idea stuff from last year. Yeah, this is still something I'm working on. For THIS year, hopefully!!

[theuncannymary]

i'm tired. (venting because i am losing my shit right now)

long story short, i want everything to stop.

i found a job and started last november, and despite the fact that i found a place to live near my office literally two weeks before my contract started, i was ready to accept having roommates until i could find my own flat to live in.

but, here are the things :

- i do a job that is frankly boring and could be done from home (literally just fill in excel sheets all day), but i have to be in an office and spend more energy "looking busy" rather than actually working.

- paradoxically, i am too stressed out about losing my job because i have a temporary contract and have to wait until possibly next may to have my permanent contract. they could "fire" me in november by just not reconducting my contract. they say everything is fine for now but you know i am paranoid and what if they are lying etc...

- the daily commute in a tram is more tiring than the actual job. like crowded places are my nemesis and i have to spend an hour and a half in there every day (45 minutes in, 45 minutes out).

- i was denied a priority seating card by the government because i am "not disabled enough". thanks to my gp for being the lightest possible on my case here. bought a cane and people let me sit. sometimes, but not all the time. i hate it.

- going back to my contract : i work for company a (where i have my temporary contract) and they are placing me in company b (where they will hopefully give me my permanent contract). the deal was : go to company b one day a week, then two days a week, then three days a week, then get your permanent contract. except i want to move closer to company b before the 3 days stage and have the shortest 2 days stage possible because going to company b means having to wake up at 6am for a 7:30 bus and it is too tiring at 1 day a week already. except now they want me to skip the 2 days phase and go to the 3 days phase already but not move closer to company b because "what if it goes wrong". no no no. idc i am moving closer to company b i won't wake up at 6am 3 days a week for your sweet eyes.

- another reason for moving is that my roommates hate me. specifically this little asshole who studies law and comes from a bourgeois parisian family. i was almost kicked out in february because all four of my roommates wanted me out because of "problematic behaviour" (noise late in the evening, for example, because i am a night owl). i had to apologise publicly in the whatsapp group chat and out myself as autistic to have some peace.

- two out of my four roommates already moved out (one with her boyfriend, the other idk where she went but what if it is because of me ?). now one of these roommates has been replaced by a young man who is besties with asshole roommate and the other room will probably be filled in before the end of the month. i live in constant anxiety and come home to my mom's every weekend because it's the only way i can handle things right now (also i want to see my two cats).

- long story short, i sleep like 6-7 hours a night and spend my weekends sleeping. which means i have no time for my hobbies aka my special interests. all my energy is taken by work and chores and transport. i am going crazy. i keep dozing off at work and hoping that no one sees me (was already told off back in last december).

- construction stuff happens on the tram i take which makes my commute longer (idk when it will end) and also at my place of work (at company a) until september. which means more tiredness and lack of concentration at work. and people having to move because they're remaking the whole windows and shit. so more people to spy on me hahaha.

- my boss at company b gives me no feedback whatsoever and i am fearing that he hates me or hates having to train me or whatever. and this week i wasn't even given work or whatever. so worked for company a this week instead of company b. that is fine (not). the work psychologist (at company a) then tells me that everything is fine but again i don't trust anyone here.

- i can't find a place to live near company b that is not a roommate arrangement or something so expensive that no one can afford it. also no car and no driving license means being dependent on public transport means being in competition with students who can leave their flats in the summer so the owners can airbnb said flats. i hate it.

- my mom wants me to buy a place when i get my permanent contract and just no. i won't be staying in that company (company b) my whole life. no no no. i just wish i had time to develop my art and stuff and become independent so i don't have a boss anymore but i have spent literally 0 hours, 0 minutes on it since last november. i am stuck here. i even bought a tablet for my birthday and i am not using it. lol.

- no one else will want to hire a disabled worker like me especially not in this economy where even abled workers can't find a job and our governments are restraining jobless peoples' pensions so much that basically no one will get it now. my mom is reminding me of this even day. i was jobless from 2020 to 2023 and i don't want to go back there.

- mom is launching her own art business and i am so envious but also sad because she is 59 and i won't wait until i am 59 (i am 28) to do the same. like i want it now. also construction work just finished in our house but not everything is fixed and that stresses me out also.

sometimes i am like i don't want to off myself but you know what if i had a big accident or health issue that would allow me to... you know, not work for a bit ? yes. i am that desperate for a break. but i can't choose when to place my pto in company a because it closes in august for two weeks and one week at christmas so no more pto until august for little old me.

and also pto is the last two weeks of august which means i will be working during the olympic games. with football in the stadium near company a. i am already dreading it.

please let me rest let me breathe let me go fuck !!!!!

- sincerely, élie