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miedei · 6 months ago

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hii, i saw your requests are open, so i was thinking how about spencer and reader have a fwb thing going on, but he always told her not to get attached, so she breaks things off and spencer seems fine with that, until he realizes that she goes on dates with other people so maybe they fight about it and they confess their feelings

YES i love this concept nonnie my love this is amazing

not jealous

ex-fwb!spencer gets jealous, but he doesn't have any feelings for you... right?

cw: a little suggestive i think, i can't be held responsible for the things i think ab spencer reid, wrote this in a fugue state that's the only way i can explain this

wc: 1.2k

mlist

(reblogs are the only way to promote fics on tumblr! please reblog if you enjoyed it :) )

Penelope Garcia is one of Spencer's favourite people in the world, but at this very moment he feels the shameful urge to tell her to shut up.

"Honey, you'd love him! He's a doctor at the hospital a few streets down, so he understands the whole married-to-the-job thing, and he's smart! Just one date, my love, please? You can totally ghost him afterward if you hate him, though I don't think you will," Garcia is perched on your desk, right across from Spencers, so he can't tune this out, despite his repeated attempts to.

You can't help but sigh, staring up at Garcia as she continues to speak. She means well, you know that. You never told her what happened, but she can tell that you've been lonely, and she's doing everything she can to help.

You can't tell her, you know that, but it doesn't stop you from wanting to.

"It's probably best if we stay like this. We can be coworkers, friends. It'd be easier if we stay unattached."

The words Spencer said to you months ago are still fresh in your mind. You'd agreed, drunk on the feeling of being wanted, and you were aware that feelings would make things more complicated. You knew that, and yet-

"Spencer, we need to stop. I can't do this no-strings-attached thing anymore."

"Then we can- we can stop. We'll stay friends, right?"

"Right."

Months of stolen moments, hotel room beds, and tangled limbs had gone to your head, and cutting it off had been the best thing to do. Spencer had made it clear that your arrangement was only viable when both of you didn't have feelings, and you knew that.

Getting over someone is hard enough, but Spencer Reid is worse. He's always there, soft smiles and rambling conversations. He seemingly hasn't been affected by the end of your situation at all.

Snapping back to reality, you look up at Garcia, who's looking at you with a hopeful smile. You can see Spencer out of the corner of your eye, staring at his monitor like he couldn't care less who you date.

It's infuriating.

He's over it! He was probably never as attached as you were, why would he care if you date?

"You know what? Give me his number."

"Yes!" Garcia pumps a fist before swooping down to press a kiss to your cheek. "You won't regret this, I swear!" She grabs a business card out of her pocket and hands it to you, squeezing you one more time before flouncing off.

You fondle the stiff cardboard once, before placing it down on your desk.

Spencer hates him. James Lee. The cursive scripture on the business card stares up at him, mocking him as he tries to work. Your desk is always neat, knickknacks all in their proper spot, so the card is out of place, that's why Spencer can't stop sneaking looks at it.

He's a doctor. So is Spencer. Three times over! If you wanted to date a doctor, why not look for him instead of James Lee, MD.

A PhD's much better than an MD anyway. More effort.

He sighs. He's being petulant, he knows that. You're allowed to date people.

Even if Spencer's the one that knows the way you stretch when you've just woken up. Even if he's the one that's felt your skin under his hands. Even if he's the one that's learned how to elicit those sounds from you.

He can't take it any more, rising abruptly from his desk, stomping over to the kitchenette. The coffee pot is nearly empty, and he pours the dregs into his cup, spooning sugar into it with barely restrained movements.

He can hear Emily humming, Morgan tapping his pen against his desk. He can hear you, typing away at your phone.

He can't take it any more.

Stalking over to his desk, he picks up a random file, and stands by your elbow.

"I need to talk to you about this file. Can you help me find the other report?" He all but melts with relief when you set down your phone, following him to the storage room readily.

Being in close quarters like this causes memories to come rushing back, and you can't help the blush that comes to your face. Shaking your head slightly, you look up at Spencer, resolutely shutting out the images in your mind.

"What report are we looking for?"

He looks sheepish, but his eyes are intense as he looks down at you.

"There's no report. I need to talk to you." You tilt your head in confusion, focusing entirely on him. "Don't go on a date with him."

"What?"

"That guy." He nearly spits out his words. "Garcia's friend. Don't go out with him."

What? He's acting weird, completely still as his eyes blaze into yours.

"Why do you care if I go out with him? Garcia said he's a good guy, I trust her."

He shakes his head. "I'm- I'm sure he's normal. Nice. But you shouldn't go out with him."

He's infuriating, dancing around whatever he means.

"Why, Spencer? I think this would be good for me! I want to have fun."

"With him? You don't know him! Why not go out with someone you-" He cuts himself off, his hand flying to his hair in frustration. "Why this guy? Why not someone you know?" If it weren't Spencer, you'd say he was growling, his eyes dark.

Is he angry at you for going out with this guy?

"What? Are you seriously mad at me? For what?" His eyes flash at your words.

"Why date him? Why not-"

"Who would I date? You? Are you angry at me for dating someone else when we never dated at all? Spencer, you wanted no feelings! I did what you asked, I ended- whatever we were, because you said we shouldn't involve feelings!" Your chest tightens, looking away from him.

"What are you saying? You ended it because... Why didn't you tell me?" He ducks his head, trying to meet your gaze. You've had enough. Enough of his maddening words, making you feel bad for doing what he asked of you.

"Spencer, you're being unfair. What more do you want me to tell you? Do you want me to tell you that I wanted more? I ended it because I caught feelings, and you didn't want that, so I told you we had to stop because I couldn't hide it from you, not when we were always together, and-"

You're stunned into silence when his hands come up to frame your face, impossibly gentle as large fingers trace your jaw.

"You're right, I said that." A hand travels higher, cupping your cheek. "I shouldn't have, though. I should've... should've told you."

You can't help but whisper, the intimacy of the moment blanketing the small room in quiet. "Told me what?"

As if in answer, he ducks his head towards you, and you instinctually crane your head upwards to meet his lips.

It's practised, even if it's been a while. Your hands travel up his sides, bracing your palms on either side of his jaw as his come down to grip your waist.

His lips are soft yet insistent, pressing against you like he's trying to impart a message. Lips part, breath stolen, and it's minutes before either of you pulls back.

Your forehead presses against his, chest heaving. His eyes are light, and a breathless giggle leaves his lips as he looks at you.

"Don't go on that date. Please."

"You're going to have to take that up with Garcia."

#spencer giggles after a kiss im so fucking sure of it #also i dont think phds are better than mds spencers just being a bitch!!#requests are welcome!!#spencer reid x reader #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfiction #criminal minds fic #spencer.r #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x fem!reader #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid x self insert #garcia is ecstatic btw

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everythingisromant1c · 11 months ago

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It's Always Been You - Chapter 12

james potter x fem!reader

summary - Things hadn't gotten much better with James, and you knew you could only go so long without talking to him—after all, he was still your best friend. But, considering all that'd happened, along with some encouragement from your friends, you knew the time had come to finally admit you wanted more than that.

wc [6.2k]

a/n: alr guys ... very happy and also sad to say this is the last chapter of it's always been you!! :( i've loved every minute of writing this series as well as sharing it (its become my baby atp), and it is definitely because of all the love and support everyone reading has given it. thank u to everyone stuck around to this point, & i hope u guys enjoy this last chapter!! i send all my hugs and kisses <3 - e

all chapters | <- Chapter 11

It'd been another hour or two until everyone had fully returned from Hogsmeade and dinner was being served in the Great Hall. You finally changed out of your dress and into your everyday clothing again, already feeling better, but that didn't mean you felt good. You didn't think you could feel good when both your brain and heart were hurting like they were. And worst of all, the one person you'd go to in times like these for comfort was the same person you couldn't go to. Not now.

The girls had been doing their best to get your mind off of everything that had happened that day, aside from when Marlene profusely apologized to you for letting Potter hear her outburst in the common room.

"Although, I have to say," she admitted afterward. "I'm not completely sorry for him that he had to hear it. I may be brutal but I never tell a lie."

That fact didn't leave you as you sat with her and Lily in the Great Hall for dinner, a number of seats away from the other Marauders. You recognized with a skip in your heartbeat that James was with them, surprisingly enough since you knew how he was accustomed to skipping meals in the dining hall when he wanted to be alone, a habit you both unfortunately shared. But that didn't mean he was enjoying himself either.

You could see even from your seat down the table that he wasn't saying much, mostly keeping to himself quietly, something so out of character for him yet you'd seen him do it constantly the entire week. You wanted to yell at him and shake him silly, but you also wanted to hug him. When you caught yourself in the midst of those thoughts you turned back to your own spot at the table shamefully.

You tried to force yourself to eat, catching your friends' concerned looks at your full plate, but you didn't feel much like it. Especially not when you still felt maybe a dozen pairs of eyes on you from every corner of the Great Hall.

Even with all that'd happened since just that morning, the rumors and whatever else people had come up with to talk about had not yet been forgotten about by the school like your friends said it would be. Then you thought about whether news had spread of your disastrous date in Hogsmeade, and prayed that nobody had caught wind of that incident either. You didn't think you could handle any more of the staring.

Immediately after you had that thought, you spotted a fifth-year in Ravenclaw robes walking past your table, watching as he blatantly pointed at you as he spoke to his friend, and you looked down at your plate with hardened eyes.

You heard Marlene scoff from next to you. "Hey!" she called to the boy. "Didn't your mother ever tell you it was rude to point?"

The fifth-year didn't respond to her but looked to his friend, hurriedly taking a seat at his own table, his whispers being drowned out in the loudness of the dining hall.

Marlene fumed from next to you. "I can't believe these people. Are they really that bored with their own lives that they're so obsessed with a bloody rumor?"

You shook your head toying with your fork. "Just ignore them. That's what I've settled on doing."

She sighed from beside you and you thought that'd be the end of everything, until you heard gasps from down the table. You looked up and followed the sounds and were met with a sight not even the magic of Hogwarts could've prepared you for.

James—your James—had stood up on the bench he'd once been sitting in, and you thanked Merlin he wasn't standing fully on the table; though you had absolutely no idea what he could possibly be up to, you knew it couldn't be anything good. He cupped a hand to his mouth as your heartrate picked up.

"Can I have everyone's attention?"

He didn't have to ask twice for it. His voice boomed out loudly, something that seemed to come naturally to him, and the noise in the Great Hall had died out in a mere second until it was almost completely silent—quiet enough for you to hear the beating of your heart in your chest as you looked up at him. Your throat went dry.

"Not that it's any of anyone's business," he started confidently to the hundreds of eyes now looking at him, tone nothing but sober. "But nothing happened in the broom closet. Or in the locker room."

You felt the churning in your stomach claw up into your throat, then felt it drop back down, keeping you stationed in your seat. He didn't give much context to his declaration, but with the popularity of the topic amongst the school, it didn't seem like he needed to. His voice almost seemed to echo, all other noises drowning out as everyone stared up at him. James looked around the entire room appearing completely unafraid and you didn't know how the hell he did it; you probably looked more fearful than him.

"So," he began again, "I don't want to see or hear anyone talking about those rumors any longer. And if anyone has a problem with that, they can answer to me. Alright?"

Of course, nobody said anything then, but you could see in their eyes that they were going to listen to him. Or at least, they'd make sure they didn't get caught going against him. Maybe it was from his impenetrably confident voice or his respected status around the school, you weren't sure, but he had that unique effect on people in an almost effortless way.

When it was clear he'd gotten his point across, he scanned his eyes over the sea of students until they found yours. In a dizzying way, it felt like you were the only two in the room for a moment, as cliché as the thought sounded in your head.

You didn't know what had motivated him to do what he did, but you could see in his eyes something fragile that juxtaposed the self-assured look they'd had only seconds ago. He looked away again and stepped back down to floor level once more, not taking a moment before striding out of the Great Hall, his form disappearing seconds after.

Even without his physical presence, his action seemed to linger over the room for a moment more before chatter broke out once again. You were still frozen in place, not knowing if moving would finalize the idea that whatever just happened was real and not just part of some wild dream.

Marlene had confirmed that it definitely had happened, however, when she turned to you with her jaw dropped, an amazed but delighted sparkle in her eye. "Someone tell me you saw that too."

"Oh we saw it," rang Lily, who also looked much too happy about that fact, probably just relieved James's antics weren't centered on her for once. You could see them both staring at you expectantly, waiting for you to react. You could also see the boys in your peripheral, the three of them remaining at the table searching your face for a reaction.

Yet, all you could do was stand up and walk hurriedly towards the exit. Dozens of conversations rushed past your ears as you did, a blur of remarks ranging from "Potter's lost it" to "He's so bloody fit." Whatever they were saying, you noted with gratefulness in the back of your mind that none of the conversations were about you.

You reached the doorway and stopped once you were a safe distance away in the hallway, heaving breaths in for a moment to yourself before finding that you weren't alone. All of your friends had followed you without blinking an eye, and you didn't know whether you found it endearing or inconvenient. Though, to be fair, you didn't know where you were going. You just knew you couldn't sit there and pretend as if nothing had happened.

You blinked at the three boys who neared you with puzzled looks on each of their faces. "Did you guys know anything about this?"

"No," promised Sirius. "In fact, James has hardly said anything to us since this morning."

You shook your head to yourself, feeling breathless. "I can't ... believe he would do that."

"Really?" Lily stared at you. "I mean, it's Potter we're talking about. It's exactly something he would do."

You couldn't fight the smile that tugged on the corners of your lips even as you shook your head. You ran a hand over your hair as the blonde from next to you hit you in the shoulder.

"Well? What are you waiting for?" You frowned over at her as she stared at you expectantly. "Go to him."

You stilled, gaping at her. "What?"

"Go to him. Do I have to spell it out for you?"

You tipped your head at her like it would help you understand her better, parting your drying lips. "I thought you said he was a selfish git." You heard Remus snort from beside you.

"I did, sure," reasoned Marlene, not without a hint of pride. "But only because I thought he was ruining your chances of moving on now that you were over him. But seriously, I can see your face when you look at him." She shook her head. "That's not the look of someone who wants to move on."

Your eyes flickered over her face as she spoke, an infinite number of thoughts overtaking you. In the silence of your thinking, a Hufflepuff boy walked past the six of you in the hallway, staring all the while.

"What are you looking at?" snapped Marlene, turning to him without missing a beat. "Did you not just hear Potter?"

Like he'd heard him loud and clear, and also like he was scared of Marlene, he hurried away with his head bent forward. Satisfied, the blonde turned back to you. At your conflicted expression, she asked, "Well?"

You chewed on the inside of your cheek. "It's just that," you began, not even knowing where you were going with your rambling. "I've spent so long trying to get over him. It's not fair to myself to just forget all of that, and it definitely wasn't fair to Sebastian-"

"For Merlin's sake," cut in Lily, to your surprise. "You keep talking about what's fair and what's unfair, but what about you? What do you want?"

You stared at her, beginning to feel breathless under the eyes of all your friends. "It's not just about what I want. It's not that simple."

"But what if it is?" she questioned. "I know how difficult this has all been for you. And I know you said Potter doesn't just get to realize his feelings for you and suddenly be with you, that it doesn't work like that. But what if it does?" She raised her hands at her sides. "Not everything is a perfect story to tell. Especially not when it comes to you two. It's not every day you fall in love with your best friend and he finally sees that he's fallen for you too. Are you seriously going to let him go because of some made-up system of rules?"

Your breath was becoming staggering now, and you didn't know what to think, because everything they were telling you sounded so right.

"I don't know," you began unsurely. "Of course, I don't want to lose him. Not talking to him for the past week has been harder than I ever could've imagined. I don't even know what it would feel like to have to do it for longer than I already have been." You blinked down at your shoes, truly realizing those things at the same rate you said them. "I think I just ... miss him."

"Of course you miss him." Marlene looked at you sympathetically. "That's why I think you should go tell all this to him."

You felt bile rising in your throat. "I don't even know if he'd want to see me after all we've said to each other."

"Are you joking?" Remus butted in exasperatedly. "Prongs is bloody in love with you. Can't you see that?"

"Remus," you warned softly because you didn't know how much more of this hope you could take before you did something you'd regret.

"I'm telling the truth." His voice was heavy with meaning. "Maybe it took him a while to realize it himself, but the rest of us have had to sit back and watch you both act like you don't have feelings for each other for years. Believe me, the only reason he's in his room right now and not with you is because he thinks that's what you want."

Your brows pinched. "You can't truly know that."

"Really?" he laughed. "What do you think we talked about that night Vance asked you out?"

Your expression faltered and you forced yourself to think back to the night James had begun acting distant from you, though it wasn't difficult to, the storyline of it all clicking into place in your head.

"You," breathed Remus. "We talked about you."

"Not to mention," Sirius added, "we're the ones who've had to spend every night in our dorm listening to him bitch and moan about Vance this and Vance that." You swallowed at your friends' words, but they didn't quit.

"And we know James was being a right idiot today," Sirius insisted honestly. "But you should've seen him this morning right after you two argued. He was heartbroken. More than he'd ever been over Evans." He turned to the redhead in question. "No offense, Evans."

Lily rolled her eyes lightheartedly. "Trust me, Black, none taken."

He nodded and turned back to you swiftly. "So for you to think that James would want anything other than to fix things with you and just be with you is bloody mental."

You stared at all of your friends who were looking so determinedly back at you that you didn't think you could tell them 'no' now. But still, your feet didn't budge.

"It's not just that," you almost whispered. "I guess I'm just ... scared. What if it goes wrong and we get into some ridiculous fight again? What then?"

Marlene took a hold of your shoulders, slightly scaring you in her resoluteness. "Potter just stood up and yelled at the entire bloody school and you're trying to tell us you'rescared?" She shook you a little, and your friends smirked from behind her. "Be a Gryffindor for Godric's sake! Go to him!"

Before you could say anything more, she was turning you around and shoving you a little until you had the momentum you needed to take steps toward the Gryffindor common room. You made it all the way up the nearest set of steps before you paused, turning back to your friends with a grateful smile.

"Thank you, you guys." You expected them to share the sweet moment with you, but they only rolled their eyes.

"Go, woman!" Sirius groaned, and you rolled your eyes back at them, but it lacked any real annoyance.

You didn't know exactly what you were planning on doing, but you didn't have time to think about it because your legs were carrying you speedily through the halls in your anxious state and wouldn't let you stop until you reached the portrait entrance to the Gryffindor common room. Taking a steadying breath in, you said the password and entered the room.

With everyone else still being at dinner in the Great Hall, it wasn't exactly difficult to find James. He sat in the common room, his brunette head of curls visible to you in the low light. They covered the majority of his face that you could see, his head tipped downwards with his elbows resting on his knees. That changed within the blink of an eye as you entered the room, his head swiftly lifting until he locked eyes with you, and you had to fight a shiver at the feeling it sent shuddering through you.

He seemed to think you were just going to go to your own dorm and ignore him, and he averted his eyes to look somewhere else, maybe the fireplace, until you left—but you didn't. You only walked closer to him until you were separated by only one of the couches, the distance still small enough to make your breathing quicken.

At the soundlessness of your stilled footsteps, James looked back up and met your eyes again, and he swallowed. Clearly, he hadn't expected you to make any move to talk to him that night, even after the scene he'd made in the Great Hall. The problem was that you hadn't expected yourself to either, and now you didn't know what you wanted to say first, because there were certainly a million things you had to make sure he knew.

"Thank you," you said, because you figured it was a good place to start. He nodded up at you, his eyes not revealing much of anything, but you didn't let that sway you. "You didn't have to do that, you know."

"Of course I did." His voice was stubborn, but too sincere for how little his expression gave away.

You looked down at your feet, letting a moment pass before speaking again. "Well, now it seems like everyone is going to be talking about you from now on."

"That doesn't matter to me." James's voice cut through the air richly, and when you looked back up from the floor he was staring at you meaningfully. "They can say whatever the hell they want. As long as they're not talking about you."

Your shoulders dropped at his words, and the way he held your eyes as he said them made your heart beat faster in your chest. It hadn't even been a full day since you'd last spoken to him, but you already missed him.

"They wouldn't leave you alone," he said concretely, his tone beginning to fill with emotion. "And then, I heard what Marlene said in the common room, about some girl harassing you in the library? I-" he shook his head frustratedly, rubbing at his forehead with one of his hands. "I'm just mad at myself that I've let it go on for this long. Or that I didn't even know that happened."

You already felt too emotional for your liking, the feelings inside of you swirling more aggressively at every word he said to you. "It's not like it's your fault, James."

"Well it's not like I did much to stop it, did I?" He seemed genuinely angry at himself now, and you didn't know what you could do to help. A painful lump was rising in your throat, but you stayed rooted in your spot behind the sofa. "And I'd ask you why you didn't come and tell me, but that'd be a bloody stupid question."

He shook his head, eyes becoming wistful like he was recalling a memory, one that pained him. "Earlier, when Marlene was defending you in the common room, the look on your face was ... I don't know. Crushed. Sad."

You swallowed at the memory, because that had been exactly how you were feeling, amongst thousands of other ways. James looked down at his lap.

"I just wanted to try and help, do anything to make that look on your face go away, but I couldn't. So I just kept replaying how you looked in my head, and the more I thought about it, the more I hated myself because I realized you were only hurting because of me. And that was the worst part. Realizing that it was all my fault."

You felt yourself wanting to take a step towards him, wanting to just reach out to him as the tips of your fingers teemed with the longing you felt in your chest. "James," you began, your voice hushed. "It's not all your fault."

You meant it. To try and say to yourself that you had no part in all the confusion between the two of you would be a blatant lie, one that you couldn't let James go on believing, especially not with the pained look on his face.

He only shook his head at you. "It is," he insisted. "And here you go, being perfect towards me when I don't deserve it." A muscle worked overtime in his jaw. "Marlene was right. I was being selfish, and petty, and a lot of other things, but most importantly, I wasn't being a good friend." He paused, a grieving confliction tugging at his brow. "That's ... that's not what friends do."

You went still then too, the word 'friend' hanging in the air between you with a weight that only made you tired. The truth was that cobwebs had grown in the house where you'd fostered that unforgiving title, and it felt like some intangible force had locked you both inside with it blindly.

"Yeah, well," you began, your voice small, "we've been doing plenty of things that friends don't do, lately.Like you said, we kissed, right?" You let out a breathy sound like a laugh that lacked any joy, and the way James's eyes flickered up at you knocked the rest of the air right out of you.

"About that," he began hesitantly, and you could tell he was thinking about both the night it'd happened and that morning when you'd fought, just like you were. "I know you don't want that to mean anything, so it- ... it doesn't have to. Even if I want it to. Because it doesn't matter what I want—what matters to me is you."

You were thankful you had the couch next to you to brace a hand on, because you'd never felt so swept up by a conversation and you weren't sure how much longer you could stand the way your heart was nagging at you.

"You were right," swore James, but the slight shake of his eyes back and forth on your face didn't look as adamant as he sounded. "It's not fair for me to expect something from you when you already got over me."

The words you'd shouted at him in Hogsmeade that morning sounded foreign and wrong coming from his lips, and you knew the months of dishonesty that laced them like you knew the back of your hand.

"And it's too late now, I get that." His voice went from deep and determined to on the cusp of breaking, and it killed you. "I just want to know that you're happy, and if being happy means being with Vance instead of me, then ... I can deal with that."

You watched as he swallowed, like he was forcing the words to come from his lips even if it pained him. The way he hadn't broken eye contact with you the whole while was starting to make your head spin.

Your blinking sped up, maybe holding back the emotion you knew you was fighting to come out, and you whispered, "James."

Maybe you hadn't been loud enough, or maybe he just knew you'd try to disagree with him again, but he only continued determinedly at you.

"I know I probably went and ruined your chances with Vance, like an idiot, but I'm going to do whatever it takes to get you another date with him." He nodded at you once firmly, and within a second he was standing up, taking an intentional step forward. "Hell, I'll even go talk to him right now and-"

"James," you called again, louder this time. "Stop."

You put a hand out and it landed on his arm softly but firmly, and all you could was pray you could find the right words to say to him as he stared at you, level with you now in an unsteadying way.

"You didn't ruin my chances with Sebastian. It wouldn't have worked out regardless, even if I'd wanted it to. Because being with him isn't what I want." You shook your head, recalling back what James had said to you only moments before. "He wouldn't have made me happy." You sounded desperate now. "He's not you."

James stilled, his glistening eyes the only thing showing movement as they danced across your face intensely, though you saw them widen with something bright like hope. "What?"

The confusion of the word that he'd practically whispered out unspeakably attested to how you felt yourself, the terrain of the land you were exploring right there and then with James uncharted and rocky. You pushed on, knowing there was no going back now.

"Marlene wasn't completely right, James. She only said all of those things because I'd spent all this time trying to convince her—and myself—that I didn't still have feelings for you. But I do, clearly." You tipped your head down for a moment in exasperation and exhaustion, willing yourself to keep going. "Everyone can see it. All of our friends. Hell, even Sebastian could see it." You laughed, though your eyes were growing blurry. "So for me to try to push those feelings down any longer would just be lying to you and to myself." You let out an exasperated breath. "And I'm so sick of lying."

Your shoulders sunk as you stood there, a steadily shrinking distance between you and James that was both comforting and daunting to you. You couldn't do anything but watch as James's face stilled and then shifted as he thought, studying your own face in a way that made you conscious of every shift in your expression.

"I just," he began, and then raked a hand through his hair. "Why did you feel like you needed to hide how you felt in the first place?"

You felt your mouth go dry at the question—one you knew came only out of a desperate curiosity and nothing else—and your mind began spinning. The last few years of your friendship seemed to swirl in your head, flickering in and out of focus as you tried to come up with an answer.

"I-" you began, willing yourself to say something, anything at all. "I was scared." The words rang true so much that they made your heart pinch. "Scared that you wouldn't feel the same and I'd go and ruin everything. That I'd lose you."

James's hands lifted up from his sides like he wanted to reach out to you, and he did. He took your hand in his, grasping lightly at your fingertips in a touch that steadied you and made you feel lightheaded at the same time. He shook his head at you with a firm hold in his brow.

"You could never lose me."

His lips were parted, and his hazel eyes glistened over in the low common room lighting like the thought of your suggestion was painful enough on its own. Looking at him then, his face lined with years of a comforting, steadying familiarity, you knew deep in your chest that what he said was true. But that didn't alter all that you'd felt for the past number of years.

"It's not just that," you said, looking down at his hand that held yours and blinking away the guilt that crept into your stomach, because it wasn't James's fault that you had felt this way. "Even in Hogsmeade, James." Your voice was becoming unsteady again and it only frustrated you more. "What if everything you said you felt for me was just some spur-of-the-moment thing from some kiss? What if you didn't feel the same way a week from now? Or a month? I knew I wouldn't be able to get over that fear. Especially when I'd been hiding how I felt from you for years. And then there were your feelings for Lily to think about and ... I don't know."

You trailed off, finally able to stop yourself. You felt petty, so petty, because you were so close to getting what you knew your heart wanted, but you felt the insistent need to ruin things for yourself and think of every way things could go wrong. You'd never felt closer to James then, but also never farther away. All you could do was stand there and wait for him to say something, anything.

James stayed unmoving for a beat staring at you, wordlessly taking everything in with a fragility in the air that hallowed your labored breathing. Then he started to shake his head like he was in disbelief. He ran a hand through his brown hair.

"For Merlin's sake."

His voice was low, a mutter, and he stared at the ground for a moment in thought before dropping the hand that once held yours, turning and walking away from you, leaving up the steps to his dorm room. You watched his back as he disappeared, your fingertips feeling cold and empty.

You felt your blinking speed up in a dizzying confusion. You didn't know what had come over you, not even sure exactly what you'd said in all of your desperate rambling that had made him decide to leave, but your vision started to blur even more than it already had until you recognized the wetness forming beside your eyes.

Nothing made sense. Not then, and not in the last twenty-four hours. You moved until you were sitting down on the couch in front of you, feeling lightheaded as the fireplace crackled a few feet away. The light from outside had left with the sun and the room had a comforting kind of warm lighting, though even that did little to soothe you as you sat there with all the unresolved feelings within you.

You were confused and lost and wanted nothing more than to just fix things, but you were even more at a loss for words when you heard quick footsteps coming from the staircase James had left from, and then saw his returning form making its way down the steps.

You turned your head to him swiftly in confusion, following him and his soft but energetic steps as he came to sit next to you, and that was when you noticed he was holding something—a box. One that was tattered on the corners, its black fabric aged and dusting over.

You wiped at your eyes quickly, brows tugging in all your bewilderment as you waited for James to explain.

"I-" he began, and stopped as soon as his eyes focused more on your face. You must've looked as broken as you felt, and at seeing the look on your face, he held one of your hands in his before swiping across your cheek gently with the pad of his thumb.

You felt like wilting under his soft touch that you'd missed more than anything in the confusing weeks, mentally and physically exhausted from everything but still wanting more than anything to understand.

When you looked perhaps more stable, he looked back at the box that he'd set down beside him and placed it on his lap delicately as he spoke, his words echoing out slowly.

"I know you think I've just realized my feelings for you a week ago, and that they came from some kiss at a party. But, you have to believe me when I say that they're so much more than that." He placed the box in your hands, and you took it from him with a note of fragility, resting it atop your legs. His eyes bore into yours, like it would break him if you couldn't understand the words leaving his lips. He took a shaky breath in. "I need you to know, more than anything, that you're everything to me. You always have been."

Your lips began to shake at the earth-shattering words coming from your best friend's lips. "James, what-"

He stopped you with a gesture of his head that told you to look inside the box, and you did. Carefully, you lifted the flimsy cardboard top and placed it to the side, brows pulling together tight and something loud and hearty threatening to pull from your chest. You shook your head as tears began to well over your eyes again as you recognized what James had given you.

The box, the measly and old mess of cardboard and paper, was full of all the letters you'd written to him over the years—all the thank you notes, the letters you'd sent him from that summer and all the past ones—every single one of them. Your eyes raked over each of them when you felt too stunned to use your hands, but your heart still felt touched by the memories of each one all the same. It took everything in you not to release the sob you felt rising in your lungs.

"It's you. It's always been you."

James's eyes never left your face as you took everything in, the look behind them never having seemed so determined, so desperate. But there was something behind the way he looked at you, something so warm and honest, so familiar that you felt ridiculous for never noticing it before. And when your gaze flickered downward for a second in contemplation he tipped his head to follow it endearingly.

"Always," he promised. "Not Evans, not anyone else. I know I'm a bloody idiot, and I know I haven't been great at showing my emotions when it comes to you, but that's because it's you, and you mean everything to me and have since we were kids, and if this can't make you see that then I promise I'll spend every day trying to make up for it, and-"

"James." You stopped him, not knowing how much longer you could take sitting next to him and not getting rid of the frustrated crease between his brows, or how much longer you could ignore the thrum of your heart that called out to him so clearly now.

"Yeah?" he asked, and his eyes were like a deer in headlights. The warmth in their color reflected the simmering warmth from the fireplace, but that didn't compare to the fire that lay behind his gaze.

You placed the box, his box of the last six years of your friendship and then some, atop the couch next to you, and didn't wait another second before engulfing him in a hug. Your body crashed into his as he leaned back against the couch, his hands coming up to embrace you right away, and you heard him breathe a smile by your ear before he laughed, a perfect noise.

You felt like laughing then too, and crying, and everything else, because you couldn't remember the last time you'd gotten to hold him like this without the fear of revealing too much to him nagging at you. Your cheek pressed against his neck, his curls fanned against the top of your head, his hands held you tight, and you never wanted to leave the safety of his arms. Except to do one thing.

You pulled away from the hug and so did James after a second, his eyes wide and glistening but truly happy. He was smiling widely, his lopsided grin appearing after days like the sun after a storm, and you loved the sight more than anything, locking it away in the back of your mind as a memory you'd keep forever, like the box that sat next to you.

You laid a hand on his chest, another on his cheek, and James grasped the one that was flattened on his chest in his own, quickly glancing down at your hand in his like he couldn't believe he was holding it. He pulled you into him with it and leaned his head on yours.

"It's always been you, too," you whispered, and his eyes glanced down at your lips as you said the quiet words that'd been lingering on your lips for much too long. You had to push away your smile because you were aching to just kiss him like you'd wanted to for years. With a courage that could've only come from Godric himself, you finally did.

You leaned in until your lips met, a flutter of skin dancing shyly together until you leaned into him even further, and suddenly it felt like the crash of a wave, and sounded like the earth was moving beneath your feet, the sound of something right—and this time, you knew it felt the same for him too, because you could feel his boyish grin that you'd spent years admiring tugging against your lips.

You were kissing your best friend. For real this time. It felt so impossible for your mind to imagine such a thing, but luckily it didn't have to.

James moved his hands but they never left you, one sliding through your hair smoothly and one delicately holding your waist like you were something fragile. Butterflies fluttered through you at his touch, something familiar but foreign, wrong but also right, and somessilyperfect. You couldn't believe you'd spent all those years just a few words away from getting to feel it, getting to be surrounded by it.

You pulled away after a moment, your lips feeling puffy and burning with the heat of his kiss, but all you could think about was how free you felt, how happy you were that he was finally yours.

James looked down at you, his eyes dancing all across your face and stopping on your lips, and then somehow growing even warmer when they met yours again.

"I can't-" he began with a slight disbelieving shake of his head, voice coming out breathless and dazed as heat flushed into your own cheeks at the sight. "I can't believe..."

You laughed, feeling out of breath too, and adjusted the glasses that now perched crookedly on James's nose in an agonizingly cute way.

"Me neither," you finished for him, because you knew just how he felt, a secret the both of you shared; it was the only secret you still wanted to keep.

And it was a feeling you never wanted to have to live without again. Though now, with him in your arms and his familiar chocolate curls still brushing against your forehead, you knew you would never have to.

taglist!!

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lazyneonrabbitt · 2 months ago

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Old friends, older lovers

Bucky Barnes x reader

John Walker reunites with an old friend of his while hunting down Zemo in Riga. He is very confused when he learns who she's visiting.

Learning that John was given the mantle of Captain America came as a shock to you, sitting besides Bucky who was seething with rage. After having been at Steve's side for decades you both didn't feel like a new Cap should be chosen so quickly after Sam had donated the shield.

It was barely a day later that the two of you found Sam who was in the middle of a job along with his new partner. You watched as Sam and Bucky bickered and fell into an argument, something about wizards and aliens or something. Luckily it settled and you were updated on their plans, staying sidelined while they went out in the field but meeting back up with them afterwards, wherever they may find themselves.

You learned they were going after a group called the Flag Smashers. You ended up staying back with Joaquin, who, eventually also had to leave for field research and you were left alone.

That was, until your phone dinged on the second day of being alone and a message from Bucky popped up. It started with a phone number and a name along with a brief update of their mission plans. You had barely saved the number to your phone when a notification popped up coming from said number.

[Hello, This is Helmut Zemo. James gave me your number so we could arrange your travels to my safehouse.] After the initial text a bunch of photos with tickets, reservations and flight details popped up.

It seemed everything was ready for you to grab a bag and leave, but you did feel the need to double check everything with Bucky, giving him a call and praying he wasn't too busy.

'Hey Peach, I guess Zemo sent you all your info?'

You nodded against the phone at your ear. "Yeah he did, I just wanted to check with you before I hopped on a plane to a random country in Europe." You gave him the details from the photos and heard him hum along from the other end of the call.

'Yeah that's all matching up. I know it's quick but I can't wait to see you there.' In thr distance you could hear Sam's voice yelling at Bucky to hurry up and you quickly said your goodbyes before he hung up.

It didn't take long before you were in the destination town and opted to walk instead of take a cab to the location you had been sent. It wasn't too far and you only had one bag with you which had wheels so dragging it along wasn't a concern either. Besides, you loved sightseeing and the town was absolutely gorgeous.

Your decision to walk proved to a good one when you rounded a corner and ran straight into the back of none other than Captain America himself.

"Oh my god I'm sorry!" You quickly apologised before looking up and seeing the familiar face of John Walker.

"Hey! What brings you here?" John was all smiles, a hand on your shoulder to keep your balance. "We were about to grab something to eat, wanna join? Feels like we haven't seen each other in ages."

You happily agreed with food and a chat, joining John and Lemar down the street to a kind vendor who excitedly shared his love for Captain America and how he felt honored to make his food.

"So, what brings you here, so far from home?" You, John and Lemar sat around a small table near the food truck, enjoying simple but fantastic meat sandwiches.

You swallowed your bite before explaining your reason for visit. "I'm here to visit my boyfriend! Decided to do some sightseeing on thr way to his place and, well," you gestured at the two men sitting with you. "now I'm here, seeing my old friends that recsntly went from regular heroes to superheroes."

Lemar quickly humbled John and himself. "Hey now, we're still those same two human soldiers you met all those years ago." John nodded along with a mouthful of food. "We just have different official titles now."

John kept up the nodding as he finished another bite, but he couldn't let his curiosity slide. "So, tell me about that boyfriend. He live closeby?"

"Oh, no he lives in the states. We're staying at a coworker's place I guess." You guessed indeed, unsure who Zemo was in relation to Bucky. "He's here for work and wanted me to visit during their downtime. I'm lucky they're in such a pretty town, there's history around every corner."

With your food all finished you kindly returned the serving tray to the vendor and left him a generous tip as you thanked him for the delicious food once more.

"Where are you heading?" John's ever enthusiastic voice sounded behind you after you grabbed your bag, ready to move out.

Turns out you were heading into the same direction and decided to walk together until either of you had to take a different turn. Except that turn didn't happen all too soon, so when your paths split it was only because Lemar got an important phonecall the boys had to answer and stayed behind as you went on.

It only took a few more turns for you to arrive at the address and walk through the large double doors at the top of the steps.

The building was old. Thst much was clear from the outside already, but the inside was on a whole different level with its intricate tilework and colored windows. You were so lost in all the beautiful detaila from the painted tile floor to the pillars reaching up to the ceiling with an equal amount of painted details that you hadn't noticed the man on the couch.

"Ah, you must be James' partner." The sudden voice had you spin around so fast you were surprised you didn't give yourself whiplash. Clutching your chest you stared at the man, wide eyes oposite kind brown ones. "My apologies, I did not mean to scare you."

You followed the man as he stood and strode towards the bar at the other end of the room. "I take it you like my humble vacation home? Please, let me get you a drink, dear."

You were sat at the bar with a fruity drink in hand as you laughed with who you quickly learned was Helmut Zemo, the one who had arranged and paid for your travels. You learned a lot in the short time you talked. Zemo loved his drinks, and sweets. He had stashes all around the place.

Your glas was almost empty when behind you the large door opened and the sound of men arguing filled the once peacefull room.

"You are so out of line, Walker."

"We made it clear he's gonna be handed over to the Wakandans the second we're done here. You knew this!"

"No, you broke a criminal out of prison. Zemo is coming back with us. Now."

Sam, Bucky and John stomped into the place with Lemar trailing behind, not even trying to get a word in on the discussion at hand.

"Wait." The soft thud of your glass hitting the bar top rung through the room. "Criminal? Zemo? What?" Your eyes darted between the man behind the counter to the men still near the entrance, paused in their steps at the sight of you.

Zemo, for once, stayed quiet. Much to everyone else's annoyance, so Sam spoke up and stepped forward.

"Long story short, your boyfriend broke Zemo out of prison because he knows everything there is about the old Winter Soldier sfuff and has crazy connections."

"Sorry for not telling you the whole truth, sweetheart." Bucky finally stepped past Sam to meet you at the bar, his hands snaking around your waist and pressing a soft kiss to your temple. "You're not mad, right?" He stepped back to look you in the eyes. Relief washing over him when you only smiled and shook your head.

All the while you and Bucky talked, on the other end of the room stood John, frozen in place with only his eyes ever so slightly moving to look between you and Bucky.

"Hello? Earth to Walker. John?" Sam waved a hand in front of the current Cap's face who only then blinked and found himself back on earth.

"Bucky? You said you were here to visit your boyfriend. At his friend's place." He had his shielded arm raised and pointing. "That," Pointing at Bucky beside you. "is a century old ex-assassin. And that," moving his hand towards Zemo behind the bar. "is not his friend." John was all

Exaggerated motions and exclaimations as he tried to wrap his head around it all.

"How long, since when? This guy was an assassin, then disappeared to god knows where in nowhere-Europe and immediately after that got shipped off to Wakanda. He's been back in the states for, what? A few months and those have been packed with court meetings and therapy." Your old friend's impatient nature showed with how he could barely finish one sentence before starting another already, desperate for answers.

"Since our.. early twenties, if I remember correctly." You looked towards Bucky for confirmation and you could see him dig for the details of said times. "Yeah, I believe you just turned twenty at the time. Promised you a gift so we went out to that book thing with Stevie." There was fondness in Bucky's recollection of the memory of your lives before the two of you were forced to take a break from your relationship.

The gears turning in John's head were amusing Sam to the point of laughing out loud and needed to sit down before he fell over.

"And you're still gorgeous, peachy lady! Best looking one-hundred and five year-old woman I've ever met." Sam's ever so supportive self decided to make an appearance, knowing it always left you in a weird headspace when your real age was mentioned. It was rhe sole reason John and Lemar didn't already know, seeing they were your friends during the times you couldn't spend with Bucky.

"So when we-- you were, what? Ninety-something years old?" While John kept his shocked expression, Lemar had quickly formulated a list of things that suddenly made sense in his head.

"You know, it suddenly makes sense why your cooking reminded me of staying at my grandparents' place." His nods were of approval and understanding and you made sure to give him a thankful nod in return.

Bucky's brows raised at John's text. "When you.. what, exactly? How do you know eachother, peach?"

"Oh god, Bucky! No. No absolutely not. We met because we had mutual friends and we'd hang out when they weren't out on missions." His look was still skeptical.

"For fuck's sake, Bucky. I faked being married to you for years, remember?"

"Oh yeah," John finally regained the ability to speak once more. "She made it very clear thst she was taken, to thr point of everyone dying to meet the guy who conveniently never had time when she hung out with the group. I now see why."

Zemo was the one to really continue the conversation from that point on, having all kinds of questions about certain points in time everyone knew through news and history books, but it was all cut short when the Dora Milaje stormed in, demanding to take Zemo away, which was quickly interrupted by John's ego and turned into a fight.

A gentle hand on your shoulder and a sign to be quiet later you were slowly led into the bathroom of Zemo's home and down a sewer cover down into safety.

With a quick text to let Bucky know where you were waiting for him you sat down at the small coffee place teo blocks down and ordered a pastry and a drink.

This was going to be one interesting vacation..

#sometimes i write #bucky barnes #james buchanan barnes #james bucky barnes #james barnes #winter soldier #the winter soldier #bucky x reader #bucky x you #bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes x you #bucky barnes oneshot #winter soldier x you #winter soldier x reader #fatws

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atsro-slut · 7 months ago

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Hiiii! I'd love maybe a little angsty story of fem!reader x James, where you're "forced" to watch James chase after Lily for years and see her turn him down while you have had feelings for him for a while? I'd love a happy ending, but again, you're completely free to do whatever you want! ☺️❤️

The Waiting game

Hi!! I LOVE writing James! I hope you enjoy!!!!

James Potter x Female!Reader

Y/N’s been in love with James Potter for years, but watching him chase after Lily Evans is starting to feel like an endless, heart-wrenching sport—until one moment changes everything.

☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆☆.。.:・°☆.。.:・°☆.。.:☆

For as long as Y/N could remember, James Potter had been a constant presence in her life—an overconfident, mischievous Gryffindor with a smile that could light up the entire room. They’d been friends for years, but over time, something inside Y/N had shifted. She wasn’t just his friend anymore. She was in love with him.

But it was always the same, wasn’t it?

James had never looked at her the way he looked at Lily Evans.

Y/N watched, helpless and heartbroken, as James chased after Lily, time and time again. He’d approach her with that swaggering confidence, his usual bravado, but each time, Lily would shake her head with that little smile of hers and walk away. She was kind, but firm. And James, never one to back down easily, would persist—always a little more wounded after each rejection, but never giving up.

Y/N couldn’t blame Lily. She’d heard all the stories—James’s past arrogance, his pranking tendencies, and his cocky attitude that had once driven people away. But Y/N had always seen the good in him, the kindness that lay just beneath the surface. She knew who James was when he wasn’t trying to impress anyone. But no matter how much she tried to show him, he never seemed to notice.

And so, for years, Y/N had played the part of the supportive friend, the one who watched from the sidelines as James continued to pour his heart into a girl who, despite how hard he tried, would never be his.

She didn’t think it would hurt as much as it did, but each failed attempt chipped away at her. It was agonizing, watching him hang onto a love that was never going to be returned, and knowing all along that the person he should be with was standing right there, waiting in the wings, quietly wishing for him to see her.

It was the beginning of their seventh year at Hogwarts, and James had just been shot down by Lily yet again. Y/N had witnessed it all, of course—James standing in the middle of the hallway, his hands stuffed in his pockets, looking every bit the arrogant prat he used to be, but with a sad edge she knew too well. Lily had walked past him with a smile and a few soft words of rejection, and James had taken it in stride, even though his shoulders had slumped slightly afterward.

Y/N stood in the background, watching the scene unfold. Her heart ached as she saw how much he cared, how much he tried, and how it never seemed to make a difference.

She couldn’t do this anymore. She couldn’t keep pretending that it didn’t hurt, pretending that it didn’t kill her every time he poured his heart out to Lily, all the while barely noticing that the girl who was always there for him was standing right beside him, ready to catch him when he fell.

Later that evening, Y/N found herself in the Gryffindor common room, pacing in front of the fireplace. The flames crackled in the silence, but she couldn’t seem to calm her racing thoughts. She was tired—tired of watching James get his heart broken, tired of standing by and letting him go after someone who wasn’t interested, tired of feeling invisible.

It wasn’t fair.

"Hey, you okay?"

Y/N froze at the familiar voice. She didn’t need to turn around to know who it was. James Potter. Of course it was him.

She turned around slowly, forcing a smile as she saw him standing in the doorway, a little rumpled from a long day of classes. He looked at her with that concerned expression, his messy hair falling into his eyes, the same one he always wore when he thought something was wrong.

"Yeah, I’m fine," she said, her voice a little more clipped than she intended.

James raised an eyebrow. "You sure? You’ve been acting off all day."

Y/N took a deep breath, willing herself not to let the emotion take over. "I’m just… I’m tired, James."

He nodded and moved closer, sitting down beside her on the couch. "I get it. It’s been a long day."

Y/N swallowed hard. "Yeah. Long day."

There was a beat of silence between them, the tension thick enough to cut with a knife. Y/N could feel James’s presence beside her, could feel the warmth of his body so close to hers, and for a brief moment, she thought she might finally tell him. She might finally admit that she’d loved him for years, that she’d been right here, quietly waiting for him to see her.

But then, just as she opened her mouth to speak, he did what he always did.

"I don’t get it, Y/N," James said with a frustrated sigh. "Why won’t Lily just give me a chance? I know she likes me—I know she does. She’s just being stubborn."

Y/N’s heart clenched. It was like a punch to the gut. She bit her lip, her eyes stinging as she tried to keep her emotions in check. "Maybe… maybe she doesn’t see you the way you see her."

James looked at her, confused. "What do you mean?"

"I mean," Y/N said, forcing herself to meet his gaze, "maybe she’s not the one for you. I’ve seen how hard you’ve tried, James. But sometimes… sometimes, you have to accept that someone just isn’t going to love you the way you want them to."

The words hung in the air, heavy and raw, and Y/N immediately regretted saying them. She felt like she’d exposed a part of herself she hadn’t meant to, and she hated it.

James was quiet for a moment, his brows furrowed as he stared at her. "What are you talking about, Y/N?" he asked, his voice softening. "You’ve always been there for me. You’re my best friend. You know that, right?"

Y/N nodded, but it didn’t ease the pain. "Yeah. I know."

"Then what’s this about me and Lily?" James pressed, looking confused but genuinely concerned. "I just… I don’t get it. Why would you say that?"

And then, it happened. The moment that Y/N had been dreading. She couldn’t hold it in anymore. The flood of emotions burst forth, and before she could stop herself, she blurted out, "Because, James, I’m in love with you."

The words felt like they had physically struck her, and she could barely breathe as she watched his face fall into a mask of confusion.

"Y/N, I… what?" James’s voice was soft, like he hadn’t understood, like he hadn’t heard her properly. But the look on his face, the dawning realization that was beginning to spread across his features, made Y/N want to disappear.

"I’ve been in love with you for years, James," she said, her voice shaking now, all of the pent-up frustration and heartache spilling out. "I’ve watched you chase after Lily, I’ve seen you get your heart broken over and over again, and all I’ve done is stand by and pretend it doesn’t kill me. But it does, James. It does. I’m just… I’m tired of pretending that I don’t care when you’re hurting. I’m tired of pretending that I don’t love you."

James’s eyes widened as he processed her words. He opened his mouth to say something, but Y/N cut him off.

"You don’t have to say anything," she said quickly, standing up. "I know this isn’t what you expected. It doesn’t matter. I’ll be fine. I’m always fine. I’m used to it."

But before she could turn away, James grabbed her wrist, pulling her back gently but firmly. She froze, heart pounding in her chest as she looked at him, waiting for him to say something—anything.

"Y/N…" he whispered, his voice softer than it had ever been. "You don’t get it, do you?"

Her breath caught in her throat. "What?"

James stepped closer, his face inches from hers, and for the first time in years, he looked at her with the same intensity he’d always reserved for Lily. "I’ve been an idiot. I never saw it before, but now I do. I’ve been so blinded by Lily that I didn’t realize the one I was meant to be with was standing right in front of me the whole time."

And with that, James leaned in and kissed her—softly at first, like he was testing the waters, but soon deepening the kiss as the flood of years of longing poured out of him. It was a kiss full of apology, of realization, of everything they had both been too afraid to say.

When they pulled away, James smiled at her, his eyes full of something Y/N had never seen before—something tender, something real.

"I’m sorry, Y/N," he said quietly, his voice full of sincerity. "I should’ve seen it sooner."

Y/N smiled through the tears in her eyes, finally feeling like all the pieces had clicked into place. "I’m just glad you finally did."

And for the first time in years, it felt like everything was exactly as it should be.

#Astros Fics #james potter #marauders #james potter x reader #james potter x y/n #james potter x you #james fleamont potter #marauders fandom #harry potter marauders #marauders fanfiction #dead wizards from the 70s #hp marauders #marauders era #peter pettigrew #sirius black #remus lupin #the black brothers

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pascaloverx · 9 months ago

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NO LIGHT

SUMMARY: Your life is simple. You are a pastry chef who has just opened a bakery near your home. A new life, being a new person. But when James Barnes shows up at your bakery injured, asking you to offer him shelter, your life takes a sudden turn.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: The characters in this fanfiction are not my creation and all belong to the Marvel universe. This story will feature scenes of violence, brief intense intimate moments, and inappropriate language. To the readers, I wish you a good read and ask that you engage with the fanfiction if you like it. Do not interact with this fanfiction if you are underage. Enjoy reading.

FOUR SIX

FIVE

You put on a dress your mother gave you some time ago, one she called the "husband-catcher," telling you to wear it when you wanted someone special’s attention. Well, for tonight’s dinner, you want Steve Rogers' attention on you. You leave your hair down, choose the least uncomfortable pair of heels you could find at the last minute, apply light makeup, and a slightly bold red lipstick. You add a necklace that complements your neckline. Honestly, you feel like a seductive spy heading on a mission. Butterflies flutter in your stomach, but as you look at yourself in the mirror, you try to convince yourself that you can fool the handsome Rogers.

Grabbing your bag, you lock the door to your apartment, wave to the camera Barnes installed at the entrance, and head out for your meeting with Steve. It doesn’t take long to reach the restaurant on foot, as it's just across from your bakery. One of the perks of living close to work. From a distance, you spot Steve Rogers, sitting at one of the outside tables. He’s dressed in an elegant navy blue suit, his hair neatly in place with not a strand out of order, and his beard freshly trimmed. This man knows how to dress for a date — though this will be more of an interrogation.

"You take my breath away, Y/N. If your plan was to distract me with your charm, it’s already working," Steve says the moment he sees you approaching. You try to exude as much sex appeal as possible, making sure the slit in your dress is on full display while offering him a gentle smile.

"I believe you think I value your opinion on many matters. But thank you for the compliment, I do try to perfect my charm when I'm about to be interrogated by a stranger regarding someone he assumes I know." You respond boldly, watching as Steve pulls out the chair for you to sit. After settling into your seat and adjusting your bag, you realize you're actually sitting in a restaurant with a very handsome man. Your cheeks grow warm, which feels odd given how cool the evening is.

"You know Bucky, it’s only a matter of time before you admit it. I’d even bet you saw him before this meeting. That’s why you closed your bakery early, and don’t tell me it was just to get ready for our date. You look stunning, but I’m not an idiot. What did he tell you to do? Lie outright, I’m sure of it." Steve seems to know Barnes all too well, sounding completely convinced that he’s uncovered everything you’ve been hiding. You take a sip of water, trying to calm yourself.

"It's astounding how you think admitting to being a stalker is somehow better than understanding that I have no idea who the hell your friend is. Yes, he may have been a customer of mine. If you haven’t noticed, I serve a lot of people—including you. And as much as you don't deserve it, I closed my bakery early because I needed to prepare myself, not just by putting on a nice dress and makeup, but mentally. This is the first date I've had since I lost my trust in men. If you want to know why, it's because my fiancé cheated on me with my best friend. The week of our wedding. If you want more details, I smashed a vase over his head, he had to get over five stitches, and it was the first time I got arrested. He dropped the charges afterward because he felt guilty. Since then, I've been focusing on my bakery. So, tell me, smart guy—are you satisfied?" You speak with a certain flair, feigning near tears as you recount the story. You're lying, of course, about several details, but the performance is convincing enough.

Steve extends his hand across the table, gently holding yours and caressing it. You look at him with teary eyes while he gazes back at you like you're a lost puppy. "Where did Barnes find you? Until now, I thought you were just a regular bakery owner, but you're something else. If you tell me you know how to use a weapon, I’ll personally see to it that you become an agent." He laughs right after, clearly amused by your act.

You sigh in frustration, pulling your hand away from his, but he grabs it again, moving his chair closer to yours. He then pulls your neck towards him to whisper into your ear, "I'm starting to enjoy your lies. You can keep feeding them to me, but I’d prefer if you cut the nonsense and told me something real."

"I haven’t been fucked in almost a year. Am I lying or telling the truth?" You give up trying to fool Steve and decide to shift the conversation. You're still holding his gaze when the waiter clears his throat to get both of your attention. Your eyes dart away from Steve's as you straighten up in your chair, adjusting yourself. Rogers, too, composes himself, though he’s still chuckling at the situation.

“Gentlemen, I apologize for the interruption, but I would like to know if you are ready to place your order. For today, the merlot paired with the chef's special pizza is highly recommended,” the waiter says politely, clearly embarrassed.

"We'll go with your recommendation," Steve replies with a broad smile, as if he’s having the time of his life. What a complete idiot. The waiter notes down the order and quickly heads off to fetch the wine, leaving you and Rogers alone again.

"You saw he was coming over and didn't warn me on purpose, right?" you ask, a bit furious, looking at him as if you could kill him.

"Let’s say I didn’t see him coming, just like you don’t know Bucky. But let’s get back to the main topic; you haven’t had a sexual partner for quite some time. Tell me, why did you share that with me?" Steve speaks seductively, looking at you as if you are something he treasures.

"Because that’s the reason for all of this, right? Not to find your friend, but to try to seduce me so I’d let you sleep with me. Of course, all in the name of you thinking you’ll find your friend. You want to find him so badly that you came here on a date with me instead of going to look for him. Admit it, you don’t want to be wrong about me knowing Barnes, because if I don’t know him, you’ve got nothing. You’ve wasted your time trying to get into my pants. Also, you don’t need to be formal when discussing my lack of sex. I haven’t fuck with anyone for a while. In fact, I might be manipulating you to seduce you and then discard you. Have you thought about that?" You try to be more straightforward among the lies and deceitful words. You just want to see if you can hit a nerve with Steve Rogers to convince him of something. Even if it’s that you’re a woman desperate for his cock.

“Dance with me?” Steve suddenly asks, catching you off guard. You look at him, trying to understand what he means. There's no music playing, and the waiter is about to serve the wine. But something tells you this is a test, so when he extends his hand toward you, you take it firmly. He places his phone on the table, and an instrumental melody begins to play. He then presses his body against yours, one hand holding yours and the other resting on your waist.

He leads you with confidence, your bodies swaying to the music. At one point, it feels less like dancing and more like a silent battle to see who will give in first. Steve’s hands grip the contours of your dress, almost reaching your backside. Your hand wraps around his neck, your head resting close to his chest, allowing you to catch a whiff of his cologne—a woody scent that feels almost comforting, like a warm embrace.

"You’re right, I know your friend. Lying is just pure foolishness, and I can't take it anymore. In fact, I know him quite well. He was a secret crush of mine, not just a mere customer. The days he came into the bakery were the brightest. He’d order an espresso and the fresh bread I was testing the recipe for. I would come in early just to be ready when he arrived. I waited for months to find out his name, even though I knew he preferred savory over sweet, that he probably has a fluffy white cat, that he enjoys reading The Hobbit, and that he never paid me any mind. That’s why I denied knowing him; I feel pathetic saying all this. Like a silly teenage girl hoping to be noticed by the guy she finds attractive. And that’s all I have to say about him. He doesn’t know who I am, but I know who he is. I’d recognize him even in a crowd. " Your voice trembles, a mix of embarrassment and pretense, almost as if you feel utterly humiliated. It’s not a complete lie; it probably won’t work, but you have to try. Steve won’t give up easily if he doesn’t have part of the truth. And that’s what he’ll get from you—a fragment of the truth.

The waiter brings the pizza, interrupting the small world you and Steve had created during the dance. Both of you feel a bit embarrassed for being caught, but without saying much, you sit back at the table, allowing the waiter to serve you. The pizza is flavorful, but Steve seems distracted, still processing your ridiculous confession of love for Barnes. His usual confident demeanor falters for a moment as he picks at the food, clearly thinking over what you just said. The tension lingers, not from suspicion anymore but from the awkward truth you've offered.

"Since you've finally decided to tell me the truth, now tell me: when was the last time you saw James Barnes?" The crucial question is asked, almost as if it were another test. Between bites of pizza and sips of wine, you feel the need to reveal something to him. But if you tell the truth, Barnes could be at risk. He would be furious.

"The last time I saw him was…" You were just about to reveal the truth to Steve, realizing the mistake you were making when the sudden sound of a gunshot drew your attention. The bullet shattered your wine glass, leaving you horrified. The second shot was even closer to Steve, hitting his arm. Without much thought, you immediately drop to the floor, rushing over to Steve, who is pressing on his wound. You can hear people screaming in panic from inside the restaurant.

"What is so important that it's taking you this long to find?" you ask impatiently, panic rising inside you. You're more scared for Steve than he seems to be. Finally, he pulls out his car keys along with his wallet from his pocket. He places the money for the bill and tip on the table, then presses the car key into your hand. His grip is firm, and you're horrified when you see his blood smearing onto your skin from his hand.

"Y/N, I'm putting my life in your hands. Please, save me," Steve says as his eyes begin to close, his strength visibly fading. You quickly place his good arm over your shoulders and ask him to guide you to his car. He leads you as best as he can, and once there, you carefully put him in the passenger seat, fastening his seatbelt. You try calling out to him a few times, hoping to keep him conscious, but he slips into unconsciousness. Without wasting another second, you rush to drive him to the hospital, heart pounding as you speed through the streets.

It didn’t take long before you arrived at the emergency room of the hospital. After shouting for help, a doctor and several nurses rushed to assist you in getting Steve out of the car. You were questioned for a while about Steve—whether he had any allergies, what his condition was. You decided to say you were his wife, explaining that due to his military service, you hadn’t seen him for a while. Once they finished removing the fragments of the bullet from Steve’s arm, you could finally take a breath, though your heart still raced.

“Miss, your husband asked to see you,” one of the nurses informed you as you sat in the waiting room for hours. You quickly stood up to meet Steve, who was in a hospital bed looking much better.

"My beloved wife, have you waited all this time for me?" Steve Rogers says, sounding somewhat dazed, likely from the pain medication they gave him. You give him a slight smile as you see him beckoning you closer with his hand.

"How is my dear husband?" you ask, fully embracing the character as you approach him, gently holding his hand. He leans forward and pouts, as if asking for a kiss. You give him a quick peck on the lips.

"I want to go home. Can we leave?" Steve asks, laughing as if he's finding something amusing.

"We could go but your doctor said you need to stay under observation and the hospital said you need to give your insurance number or a nice amount of money." You smile and casually respond to Steve's question, but unfortunately, he falls asleep before he can answer you. You inform the hospital reception that you will provide Steve's financial information once he is better. They are understanding, thinking of you as a concerned wife. They even let you leave, promising to call if he improves. Feeling exhausted, you decide to go home. You drive Steve's car back to your place, borrowing it for the night.

As you’re about to enter your apartment, you hear a noise coming from inside. Great, this is when things go south. Thankfully, you have pepper spray in your bag, and you grab it, preparing to defend yourself against whoever is inside. When you open the door, you come face to face with a man. As soon as he turns to look at you, you spray him in the face.

"Ah, Y/N, are you trying to blind me?" Barnes exclaims, crying out in pain from the pepper spray in his eyes. You rush to help him, dropping your bag on a nearby surface. Gently, your fingers brush against his eyes as you attempt to wipe away the remnants of the spray. You blow softly into his eyes, trying to ease the burning sensation, while he watches you in stunned silence.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to," you say softly, your concern evident. "I thought you were an intruder." As you continue to tend to him, the tension in the room shifts from fear to a more intimate moment, the chaos of the evening fading into the background.

"It wasn't supposed to be you who got hurt," Barnes says, grasping your hand, which still bears the blood from Steve. For a moment, you're touched by his genuine concern for you. However, the realization of what he said sinks in, making you acutely aware that he has some connection to what happened.

"What do you mean by that?" you ask, your heart racing as you search his eyes for answers. "Did you know this was going to happen?" The tension hangs heavy in the air as you await his response, feeling both unsettled and intrigued by the depths of his involvement.

His eyes seem heavy as he searches for the right words, finally admitting, "It was Natasha's plan. She thought a small attack would distract Steve enough for him to stop looking for me. She figured you wouldn't be able to keep secrets. We planted bugs in the restaurant, and when we sensed you were about to spill, we had to act. I know you're going to be angry, but it was for your own good." James Barnes's words feel like a whirlwind, leaving you bewildered.

"You’re crazy. How could you let her hurt your friend? Or did you do it yourself? Do you have any idea what you’ve done to us? You put me at risk and left your best friend injured. He’s in a damn hospital bed, you son of a bitch." You step away from James Barnes, unable to recognize the man in front of you. How sadistic could he be to hurt Steve?

"Steve will survive. It was a strategically placed shot; we wouldn’t have harmed him if we didn’t know he would pull through. Please, Y/N; trust me. What Natasha and I did was for the best," James Barnes says, holding your hands again as if he desperately wants you to understand and accept that it was all part of his plan.

"Don't you dare ask me to trust you; you didn't trust me. You preferred to shoot Rogers rather than give me a vote of confidence. But I can promise you that if you don't step aside right now, I will make you regret not shooting me. I will tell Steve and the police everything I know about you, and I won't regret it. So get out of my apartment and don't come back," you say angrily, feeling something burn inside you. You are tremendously regretful for having trusted him, for ever thinking he could be yours.

Barnes's gaze conveys a sense of pain, as if he is truly remorseful. He heads toward the door as if to leave, but pauses just before opening it, turning back and practically rushing towards you. His lips meet yours in a kiss filled with emotion. James leads the kiss, as if he wants to consume you. The intensity of your tongues dancing within each other’s mouths, exploring, is sensational. There’s a strong urge to push Barnes away, to hit him, to cry for him. But in that fleeting moment, you savor the kiss.

"I'll come back when you’re calmer. Until then, don’t do anything reckless. I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but just know that I’m truly sorry," James says as he breaks the kiss, his eyes still closed, relishing the sensation of your lips against his. When you open your eyes, he’s no longer there. For a moment, you wish he had never been in your life at all.

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magicalyaku · 6 months ago

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I read one of the worst books this year in September and easily the best one in October. Let's start at the top and work our way down! :D

Prince of Fortune (Lisa Tirreno): This is everything I want in my books. 11 out of 10. Perfection. It's soo cute. The characters are so nice, Aubrey is so capable (I really didn't realize how much I am in awe of characters who have simply learned their skills and are using them confidently). Love stories in times of war are usually terrible for my heart (the suffering and fear something might happen to the characters!), but this story managed to not break me not pieces, my heart was just melting the entire time of cuteness and shit. Pretty sure I started smiling from page one and maybe never stopped. The bonds between the family members and friends are nice and the magic and the whole plot works well. Must be one of the few instances where I actually liked the marriage sub-plot (Aubrey's initial reaction was the best). Also no smutty scenes in here, rather the leadup to the fade to black had me squealing (because cute). Highly recommended.

Legend of the White Snake (Sher Lee): Another good one! Not quite the level of Prince of Fortune, but I enjoyed this one as well. I really liked how the author just had to share alle the cool snake facts she knows. xD But also about Chinese history and culture. She (correctly) assumed her readers wouldn't know, so she just explained the important stuff, be it about shrines or garments. Or cultivation. I encountered cultivation before, in the various summaries of Chinese light novels and never understood what it was (because I only read the summaries duh), but it's everywhere! I naively assumed it wouldn't be in here, though, because it's for the Amerian market or something and literally two pages later they started talking about it. xD But it was fine, I finally know now, right. It's a very solid and charming story with just the right amount of everything. Also, another capable young man. /D

Sorcery and Small Magics (Maiga Doocy): Aaand another good one! Three in an row! Nope, this time the main character is not capable. The opposite actually, but he's fun and it's nice to have a slightly diffent type once in while. (He is capable in his own way, though). I had a rough time not reading him as Avra from Runnning Close to the Wind, because they share some qualities. And I completely misjudged the characters ages going into this, thought they'd much older when they're only students. So I had to do some adjusting in my head. :'D It's a fun and vibrant story with an interesting magic concept. Lots of adventure, a very slow romance (which is good), and a really good showdown (love it when things work out like that)! I'm looking forward to the sequel! :)

The Boy who Steals Houses (C.G. Drews): It took me a whole week to get through the 170 pages of Saint Sorrow Sinner (look below) and that was with a 12-hour flight inbetween. Afterwards, I picked up this one and read its 360 pages within five or six hours. That is the difference in quality. I had my sights on the author's new book Don't let the Forest in but was unsure whether I wanted to buy or borrow it, so I picked up the author's previous work. And boy, it is good. There is a little romance, but it's much more about family standing up for each other. I found striking how well it is written even in the long passages when the protagonist is all by himself with no dialogue. Very emotional stuff. Pretty sure, I shed a tear or two towards the end.

A Tale of Two Knights (James Persichetti (Story), L.S. Biehler (art)): I don't usually include the graphic novels that I read, because then why not include manga as well and then we'd never finish. I have things to say about this one, though. Mainly, it's fine as a comic but I think it would have profited from being a novel. There's just not enough time and depth in the early journey. The latter half with the action was fine but the development of the love story is pretty lacking. Cute, yes, still lacking. It's also a bit odd how the title is about the two men, when a lot of (rightful) focus is given to Morgan. In a (well-written) novel, there would have been a lot of possibilities to expand on this. The character art is a little wonky sometimes. Some panels look really good, others are a bit off. I found it very strange that the party does not carry any luggage at all after they give away their horses. Where do you even hide your canteens? Who decided that this is fine and people on a critical mission can continue on without anything? What I really liked, however, was the color schemes. The different places and daytimes are very pretty in their lighting and coloring. All in all, it was fine. Buut I wish it had been more.

When Haru was here (Dustin Thao): I bought the German edition of You've reached Sam and read like 20 pages of it before I put away again because I was not feeling up to it. But when this one came out I had just read two books in a row about depression and grief and was like "What's one more?" It was okayish. Halfway through, I was very frustrated and annoyed, not necessarily with Eric himself but all people around him were just assholes, even Haru, telling him what to do and what not. It redeemed itself towards the end, though, so it was fine.

Saint Sorrow Sinner (The Gideon Testaments 3) (Freydís Moon): This one is not pictured, because we do not support the author here. They had some scandal regarding faking their identity (again) earlier this year, so if you want to know, go look it up, it'll be easy enough to find. I had, however, already purchased this book with the return period just run out and decided I might as well read the end to the trilogy. Maybe I was going in biased because of the author's wrongdoings, but I hated this book. I haaated it, omg. I thought the previous two volumes were interesting. Not easy to read for me, despite their short length, and I disliked the smut scenes in both of them, but there were interesting themes going on. And the action happening at the end of volume 2 had me wanting to read the conclusion. That conclusion was, however, pretty bad. It's short again, yet hardly anything happens except the characters sitting together and eating and bathing. And romancing. That was the thing that put me off so hard. The story is so short, but it needs to include another love story, really? Sophia gets out of the cult and falls for the very first uncoupled human she meets. Hate it! Stories where all characters need to be coupled up. Hate it, hate it! But, oh, of course we also need to do found family. (Really, why not just focus on that.) And it's not just Norse gods anymore and the Christian god and angels, now there's a banshee as well, which is what originally? Irish? But is it actually what is portrayed in the book? Thing is, after the author lied so blatantly about themself, I didn't feel like I could trust anything they write. I don't know anything about religion or being autistic or trans, so I have to take it the way they write it, but I can't trust anymore that this is how those things actually work and that feeling persisted throughout the book and was not a good one.

Two posts more to go before the end of the year!

#yaku reads #books #lgbtq books #queer books #queer lit #bookblr #prince of fortune #legend of the white snake #sorcery and small magics #when haru was here #the boy who steals houses #a tale of two knights #saint sorrow sinner

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wanderingsoul6261 · 1 year ago

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Gif credit goes to userbeaufort

IM SORRY-PART 2

Part 1 below

James Beaufort x Reader

I'm sorry! I meant to have this out sooner, but I got distracted. My anxiety had been an ass this week so just bear with me. I do have more fics with James to write, so do still continue to expect more!

Synopsis: part 2 to I'm Sorry. Reader talks to Lydia and apologizes to James for her actions.

Warnings: nothing other than a few swear words. Mostly the f- word

------

It had been weeks since Y/N had left James standing where she left him after they kissed underneath Maxton Hall. She had avoided him as if he had the plague and was going to get her sick. She had even gone as far as even being more distant with Lydia, and that hurt her much more than avoiding James.

The few times she had brushed Lydia off had left her friend looking hurt and confused, wondering to herself what she could have possibly done to warrant Y/N's behavior towards her. It took Y/N all but a week before she came to her senses and apologized to Lydia, but when Lydia asked what happened and why she did it, she couldn’t explain. It wasn’t that she didn’t want to, because she did, as it was all tearing her inside out, but she just didn’t know how to go about it. She wasn't sure if Lydia would hate her afterwards for kissing her brother. Y/N knew she could always confide in Lydia, and Lydia has made that plenty clear. However, with something like this, Y/N wasn't quite so sure as to how her friend would react.

Did Y/N love James? Absolutely. Did she regret the kiss? No, absolutely not. If anything, she had enjoyed it and had hoped it had continued even longer than it had. She had actually thought about the kiss alot. And even if no words were spoken in the moment that James and Y/N had kissed, she knew that every single bit of feeling and emotions she had for James was poured into that kiss, and a part of her told her that it was likely the same for James. There was no way he didn't feel the same way as her, and yet, here she was, treating him as if she never met or knew him. Which also hurt her more than another could imagine, and yet she still continued to do it.

Y/N continued to avoid James in the hall. She avoided eye contact and any and all other contact he had attempted to make. He sent text messages and made phone calls, leaving voice messages when she wouldn't answer. He had made attempts to stop her in the hallway to talk to her in which she had brushed off and walked away from him. Every single time he had stood in place, while many other students watched, wondering what to do, his heart breaking more and more each time. This went on for several weeks.

And then he stopped, and it was like a switch had been flipped.

James had turned cold towards her, reverting back to the way he was before he had started to like her, before he had fallen in love with her and had vowed to do anything and everything for her. Before she had become what his world revolved around.

Y/N took notice, and she had undoubtedly and rightfully so, hated herself for it. James didn't deserve the treatment he had received from her. She should have confessed to Lydia about what had happened between her and James.

He gave her the same treatment that she had been giving him and she couldn't even be mad or upset. It was her fault.

James scowled at her, made remarks about her lack of money and everything she wouldn't ever have because of the lack thereof, and anything else that he knew would hit their mark. The angered and hurt looks he had given her could level an entire room, an earthquake that could cause so much devastation, but yet, the destruction was only centered on one single person.

Her.

He had acted like an asshole towards her and Y/N would be the first to admit that she deserved every last moment of it. She had evidently broken his heart, and now he was making her pay for it.

The only person that didn't agree with anything Y/N received from James, was Lydia. It had often led to heavy and loud arguments between the twins, causing tension between the close siblings, but yet, Lydia still didn’t know what happened to make the two behave in the ways that they were. It was a mystery, and it was one that she had so desperately wanted to solve.

—-

“What happened?” Lydia asked. “Are you ever going to tell me?” Y/N was sitting a bench, a book in her hands when Lydia walked up to her. She spared a glance at her friend, growing nervous once again at the question Lydia was once again pestering her with.

“What do you mean?” Y/N took the stupid route, her eyes back on the book. But she wasn't reading it. She couldn’t focus on it, her eyes reading the same paragraph over and over as she never fully grasped the content of it. It didn't matter that she read the words in her mind. Lydia also knew this, mostly at the fact that not once did Y/N turn the page.

She was stuck on that page, meaning Lydia had gotten the cogs in Y/N's brain working and thinking about what had happened between her and James. Now if only she would talk to her about it.

“You know what I mean, Y/N. You and James. One day you guys are talking and hanging out like you’ve known each other since childbirth, and the next day, you are treating each other like you’re puppy was kicked! ” Lydia made a daring move, hoping her friend would forgive her, and snatched the book out of her hand. Y/N didn't do anything though. She sat there, defeat showing in her posture. Y/N only knew that Lydia would continue to ask her what happened, which had meant that James never told her, not that he probably wanted to, and Y/N didn’t blame him. She broke his heart and made a fool out of him. It was best she finally said something, no matter if James would be mad at her or not. Y/N was tired of leaving her friend in the dark, and she was sure that Lydia was tired of being in the dark.

Y/N picked at her fingernails, a sigh escaping her lips as her eyes flickered over the tiniest imperfections in the ground. Little divots from where the ground had been worn away. A bug scittering across the ground. Grass peeking up through the cracks.

Lydia sat down next to her and Y/N still refused to make eye contact. Lydia put her book back into Y/N's hands, in order to keep her hands occupied and stop her from picking at her fingers. It was a nervous habit of Y/N’s that Lydia had picked up on not too long after they had become friends.

“James' actions are warranted.” Lydia scoffed.

“I highly doubt-”

“We kissed the night of the donation gala and then I left him standing underneath the hall and have been avoiding him ever since.” Y/N cut her friend off, still avoiding eye contact with her. Lydia went silent.

Was this it? Did Lydia hate her now for what she did to her brother? Is this the end of their friendship? Y/N had turned slightly away from Lydia, ashamed of herself and what she had done. She truly hated herself for this.

“Why?” The question had quite honestly caught Y/N off guard. She didn’t expect it. If anything, she had almost expected Lydia to leave her right then and there and understand why James was treating her in the way that he had been.

Y/N sat in silence. She loved James, so it wasn’t as if she had not liked him or regretted the kiss. If anything, she knew that if she didn’t want to kiss him, James wouldn’t have done it. They both wanted to kiss each other, that much was true.

“I was scared. Terrified. Petrified. Any other synonyms of ‘scared’.” Y/N finally turned to look at her friend. Lydia was staying. She wasn’t going anywhere and Y/N had used this to soothe her worries. “You’re my friend, Lydia. He is your brother. I thought if you found out we did anything, no matter what it was, that you’d hate us. You’d hate me. Or maybe you would see it as something that would get in the way of me and you.” Y/N went over every single reason why she was scared. Anyone else probably would have told her to stop and tell her that it was okay and that they wouldn't have thought of anything in the way that she was. Lydia did do that, don’t get that part wrong, but she listened fully to what Y/N had to say. She wanted to understand Y/N and her thoughts so that she could better understand why she did what she did. When Y/N was finished, the two sat in silence and Y/N thought that maybe Lydia would take her chance to leave now.

But she didn’t. She stayed, and after a few minutes of silence, she spoke.

“I wouldn’t have hated you. If anything, I was wondering when it would happen. You guys looked at each other the way a young child looks at a puppy.” Y/N smiled at the poor analogy. She looked down at the book in her hands. Her smile turned into a frown.

She got thinking about James and about how he might have felt, and she felt completely and utterly disgusted with herself.

“How was James?” she asked, but she already knew the answer.

“Honestly?” Lydia asked. They both knew that once Y/N heard what she had to say, it would only make Her feel even worse than she already did. Y/N nodded.

“He didn't sleep or eat a lot. Often found him up pretty late. James was hurt, really hurt. I tried getting him to talked to me-” Y/N started to drown out Lydia. Not because she didn't want to listen, but because she went back to thinking about James. She wanted to, no, she needed to fix this. Y/N had to make this right with James.

Y/N stood up abruptly. She hurried off to find James.

She looked everywhere she could think of, Starting with the places where she knew for a fact that he would possibly be. Which was probably half a dozen places and so she had spent a good half hour trying to find him.

Y/N was growing restless. She hoped that he didn't go home yet, but if he did, Y/N knew that she could always just text or call him. However, the likelihood of him even answering was slim to none, and she didn't blame him.

But she found him, and kicked herself in the ass for not checking the lacrosse field sooner, because there he was, in all his James Beaufort glory, practicing with Alistair, Cyril, and the others.

It definitely wasn't long before someone noticed her, and pointed her out to James. He had turned around, his eyes peering out from behind his helmet, the headwear masking any emotions that might have been present on his face.

He had watched as she stood on the sidelines. Waiting. Watching. She nervously picked her fingernails, her eyes looking Slightly red from a distance, as if she had been crying, which she had been.

After leaving Lydia to find James, tears flowed down her cheeks, as thoughts ran a hundred miles per hour in her mind. Memories, good and bad between the two of them, know how hurt James had bad, her guilt, and so much more. She was drowning in it all, barely breathing as James finally started to walk towards her. He pulled his helmet off, tossing it to the ground with his gloves once he was a few feet away from her. And as she watched him, he didn't look too pleased.

When he finally came to a stop in front of her, he opened his mouth to say something, but Y/N beat him to it.

“I'm sorry. I'm so fucking sorry. I shouldn't have left you beneath the hall. It was a stupid thing for me to do because I like you but I was scared because I'm friends with Lydia-” She took a deep breath, her voice cracking as she continue to nervously pick at her fingers. “- and I wasn't sure if She would be happy if she found out we kissed. I shouldn't have treated you the way that I have been.” James listened as she rambled. A part of him couldn't be mad at her. Yea, he had hurt at her avoidance, always asking why she did what she did, and a part of him told him to continue to stay mad at her, but as he watched her now, nervous, guilt, her own form of hurting, he couldn't bring himself to do so.

So he did the next best thing he could think of.

He grabbed her hands to stop the picking, before she did it to the point where she drew blood. Then he pulled her close, his lips slamming against hers, shutting her up. She let out a surprised gasp as whistles and whoops and hollers could be heard behind them.

Y/N leaned into the kiss, tasting the saltiness of her tears and when the two finally pulled away, James wiped away said tears. He searched her eyes, kissed her forehead, and then pulled her into a hug.

“I get it.” He whispered. “It hurt, but I get it.” James pulled back to look into her eyes again.

“It wasn't fair to you. And I feel guilty that I caused you to hurt because I was the stupid one.”

“I don't blame you for your actions because of your emotions. You realized you’re mistake. We can put it behind us.” He said. His hands came up to her face, cupping her cheeks, and she leaned into him.

“How can you still love me after all of this?” She asked.

James gave her a soft smile.

“Oh sweetheart.” he pressed another soft and gentle kiss to her lips, one of his hands falling from her cheek to her waist, pulling her against him. When he pulled away from her again, so that their lips were barely brushing against each other, He whispered. “I never stopped loving you.”

----

taglist: @honethatty12 @lifeonawhim @ashamedtobewhitemanswhore27 @maryvibess @wheredidmyeyesgo @imasimptoowth @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @sillyfreakfanparty

#james beaufort #maxton hall #james beaufort x reader #maxton hall: the world between us

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initiallyred · 3 months ago

Text

Awakening

Summary: A game of truth or dare dissolves into utter chaos.

TW: Mentions of alcohol and sex

Word Count: 1,194

They’d all been sitting on some beach, in the middle of no where, around a dying fire. They’d even managed to set up the fire the muggle way, which Sirius and James took great pride in, even if it was burning out.

This was their last bit of freedom all together before they started work for the order. Dumbledore hadn’t wanted to let in at first, but it wasn’t like he had much of a choice with the way the war was progressing.

So they’d taken the weekend to enjoy the summer air, escaping to some small town where they’d yet to see another person. Which was probably a good thing, considering how loud they were. They’d started playing a game of truth of dare. Assisted by their lowered inhibitions after an hour of drinking, the game dissolved into chaos.

“Okay,” James said, gathering the attention of everyone back from their laughter, “Who here do you think would have been most likely to have an affair with one of the professors.”

They giggled at the absurdity of the question, until Mary loudly proclaimed, “Lily, of course. All they’d have to do is tell her she’d gotten an O on an assignment and she’d be ready to go down.”

“That’s rich coming from the girl who once sucked off Anderson to get out of a detention.”

“You bitch,” Mary laughed, “I told you that in confidence.”

“No you didn’t,” Marlene said, gasping for breath, “You bragged about that for weeks. Said you rocked his world.”

“Of course I did. I am still me.”

“Okay, Okay,” Sirius said, excitedly, “I’ve got a good one.”

He paused dramatically, allowing for all of the attention to settle onto him before he continued, “Who was, if you are, or who would be, if you aren’t, your gay awakening?”

“Go on then, Sirius. You start,” Dorcas said.

“Mine was Will Middleton.”

“Wasn’t he on Ravenclaw’s Quidditch team?” Peter asked.

“Yeah, he was,” Sirius said, “He was proper fit until I accidentally hit him with a bludger. Broke his nose and everything.”

“I remember that,” James said, “You were going mental afterwards.”

“Can’t really blame me,” Sirius shrugged, before saying to James, “You next then.”

“Oh I shouldn’t,” James scrambled, his face blushing.

“Come on mate, we all know your straight,” Remus said, gesturing to Lily who was curled up next to James.

He shook his head. He tried looking at Lily for help, but she was shaking with the effort of containing her laughter.

“See, Lily wants to know too,” Sirius pushed.

“Don’t bring me into this,” Lily said, “I already know the answer.”

“What? You told her but you won’t tell me?”

“She’s my girlfriend, mate.”

“Yeah and I had to suffer through you whining about her for years. I deserve to know who you’d want to fuck if you were into blokes.”

“Fine, but just know you asked for this,” James sighed, “Regulus.”

“My brother?” Sirius said, “What about him?”

Everyone else in the group figured out what Sirius hadn’t. They were all waiting patiently for Sirius to get it, managing only to stay silent because of their curiosity.

“He’s who I’d be into,” James said, before adding, “Regulus, that is.”

“My brother?” Sirius repeated, yelling this time out the outrageous thought. “My fucking brother?”

None of them could control their laughter anymore, as Sirius fake gagged.

“I told you that you didn’t what to know.”

“Why would you be into my brother?” Sirius asked, before immediately thinking better of it and yelling, “NO! Never answer that question. I don’t want to know.”

“That’s probably for that best,” Lily laughed, loving how embarrassed James was getting. His face had turned a shade of bright red, which she found quite adorable. She decided to save him from his misery by answering the question herself.

“I think it would be Mary.”

“Thanks, babes,” Mary smiled.

“Yeah, I mean your tits are fucking fantastic. Especially, since you got your nipples done. They are fucking sexy.”

“Oh yeah,” Alice said, nodding along, “I’d go with Mary too. Those piercings were sexy.”

“Wait, hold on a second,” Sirius said, “Both of you have seen Mary’s tits?”

“Of course,” Alice said, “We’ve all seen each others naked plenty of time.”

“Naked?” Peter squeaked.

“Yeah,” Lily said, “like sometimes you’ve got to pick an outfit, it’s just easier.”

“Or you need to pick out lingerie that makes you look good and you need an opinion on it,” Marlene explained.

“So you all are just fine with being naked in front of each other?” James asked, his face even more flush that before.

“Well yeah.” Dorcas shrugged.

“I know that all of them will make me feel confident and sexy, unlike some men,” Alice explained.

“Honestly, you’d think that some men just hate women,” Mary said.

“I don’t,” Sirius protested, “Show me your tits.”

Mary rolled her eyes, choosing to flip him off instead of responding.

“My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen,” Remus said.

“I don’t discriminate,” Sirius winked, “You feel free to whip it out whenever.”

It took them a few minutes to recover. Peter and James had the worst of it, trying to get the image of the of the girls waltzing around their dorm naked all the time, despite that not being an accurate representation.

“Frank next then,” James pushed.

“I dunno,” Frank said, “Mark Hamill? He was good in that muggle film you took me to see.” He was look at Alice, as if waiting for her to confirm if his choice was correct.

“You are so straight,” Remus laughed.

“Mine was Charlotte Miller,” Dorcas said.

“What?” Marlene said, “Mine too!”

“Yeah, her ass was amazing.”

They high-fived over their shared taste. Before kissing while everyone else booed them. The majority of the group were in happy relationships, but the public display of affection was too far for the drunken group not to protest at.

“Mary?” Marlene asked, “How about you?”

“Caitlyn Reeds, snogged her at a party in third year. I snogged Sirius the next day and still liked it, so it took me a while to realize that I was down for anything, but she was still it.”

“Peter?”

“I’ve got no fucking clue,” Peter said, “I guess if I had to pick it’d be Lucas Harrison. He’s nice.”

“Okay, last one,” Dorcas cheered, “Who was it Remus?”

“I hate to disappoint you all, but it was a bloke from my home town that none of you know. Snogged him once and that was that, but a part of me always knew.”

They continued their endless questioning until the fire had burnt out. They walked back to the house they were renting still giddy from the night they’d had, which succeeded in distracting them from the rest of the world.

“I still can’t believe you’d want to sleep with my fucking brother,” Sirius said. Remus rolled his eyes, walking into their room before he could be dragged back into that conversation.

“Goodnight Sirius,” Lily giggled, pulling James along up to their room.

#marauders #james potter #lily evans #remus x sirius #sirius black #remus lupin #dorcus meadows #marlene mckinnon #dorcas x marlene #mary macdonald #frank longbottom #alice fortescue #frank x alice #peter pettigrew #james x lily

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iamnmbr3 · 11 months ago

Note

Honestly, I keep forgetting that tom riddle was like 11 in some of the memories because of the way dumbledore talks about him. I keep picturing him as older teenager young adult. Like bro he's not Conniving he's trying to not die

Exactly! Dumbledore never sees him as a child or an innocent or someone who can be saved (or even needs or deserves it). This is despite the fact that what he knows of 11 year old Tom's behavior is actually not nearly as disturbing and psychopathic as James Potter's behavior for example. James grew up with everything and shows clear sadistic tendencies from a young age. He obviously actively enjoys violently tormenting and assaulting other people for fun. He actually fits the 'serial killer who was a psychopath from a young age' trope better than Tom does, though that wasn't JKR's intent at all.

I think she possibly meant to do something very different with Tom's character but bungled the exectuon. I think she was going for the whole 'serial killers are psychopaths who are un-saveable and torture and kill smalls animals as children" trope but that's not what she wrote. Tom killed one rabbit. Obviously that was wrong, but it wasn't part of a pattern where he routinely small animals for sport. He also didn't kill it for fun (nor did he do it in a particularly prolonged or cruel way). He did it as retribution after an argument (and presumably since he didn't do anything to Billy Stubbs directly, this was an argument with someone he felt unable to take on). Obviously this doesn't make what he did right, but it is a VERY different context from what JKR is trying to imply (since we the readers are supposed to agree with Dumbledore's reactions to and assessments of him). We never even find out what the altercation with Billy Stubbs was about or who initiated it etc.

Aside from that, there's the cave incident where...something happened but we don't know what. It is notable that Dumbledore mentions that it would be virtually impossible to climb up to (or presumably down from) the cave without magic. Which means Tom used his powers to not only get all of them up, but also to bring himself as well as Dennis and Amy back - rather than simply leaving them to die either for fun or to cover up whatever he did to them. (Personally I think he performed magic on/in front of them but then went too far and panicked and tried to wipe their memories but did it badly due to being inexperienced and uncontrolled which is why they are odd afterwards and can't remember what happened). But yeah. We have no idea what happened there. Only that Mrs. Cole, who hates Tom and doesn't know what he is, suspects him of having done something bad. Dumbledore never bothers to get Tom's side of things.

It's also important to remember that while Tom learned to control his powers, at first his use of magic would have been random and uncontrolled. This means that some of the incidents for which he was blamed were outside his control and simply instances of his magic reacting to his emotions rather than him deciding to do something.

Given that Dumbledore hasn't read the later books where Tom Riddle becomes Voldemort and given that he knows that Tom is universally hated and feared in the orphanage for his strange powers (to the point that Tom consequently lives in mortal fear of being thrown in an asylum and seems to have had bad experiences with doctors) he can't even really reasonably be certain that Tom wasn't acting in self defense in the only way he knew how. But he simply takes Mrs. Cole at her word that Tom Riddle is no good and evil even though it makes no sense in-universe to do so since he doesn't know yet that Tom is destined to be the villain of the series.

Tom lives in a tough and dangerous world where strength rules. He has no one to look out for him. The very concept of a caring and trustworthy adult is probably alien to him. He is loathed and feared. He suffers from privation and is surrounded by want and disease and death. The only way for him to exert any power over his own life is to use the strange abilities he posses but doesn't understand and can't fully control. This is his reality. Characters in Game of Thrones live in a violent, dog eat dog world, and that influences their behavior. Similarly, Tom's environment influences his behavior. Given his circumstances his behavior (at least what we know of it), while wrong, is not that shocking or even that extreme. He is trying to survive as best he can.

Maybe all the help and guidance in the world couldn't have turned him from his dark path. But the point is, no one ever gives him that chance. Dumbledore shows immediate bias towards him - and we're supposed to think this bias is justified, but that's not supported by what's actually in the text.

#asks #Tom Riddle #Voldemort #Albus Dumbledore #do i need to tag #anti albus dumbledore #?#Harry Potter

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sunflwrrw · 26 days ago

Text

Salvaged Souls - two

A/N: Hello! Here's chapter two of Salvaged Souls. If you have not read chapter one yet, I'll put a link below this note here so you can check it out. For new readers: this is based on TV series version of The Last of Us, continuing from season one episode eight. Enjoy and thank you for taking your time to read.

PREVIOUS CHAPTER HERE

warning: cussing, mentions of SA, David being a nasty creep of course.

=================

CHAPTER TWO

The sky slowly starting to dim by the time we made it back to our encampment. I pry open the entry door to the steakhouse for David and James to bring the dead deer. By the time the doors close behind me, my hands rub together to try to feel some sort of warmth. At least inside the building was a bit warmer than outside, thanks to the stove being on in the kitchen preparing whatever meal the group is having that night. My stomach grumbles by the smell but knowing the truth of our recent meals has made the hunger feeling so away suddenly.

They both simultaneously dropped the animal to the ground and David's mouth grew into a big smile to present to everyone, "Big one."

No one responded. Not a single person. Just stared at him with blankness on their face. David and James exchanged looks with each other uncomfortably and James ends up breaking the stare by starting to take off his coat. That's when David looks over at me with his hand out for me to take.

Just play nice. That's all you need to do.

I smiled and accepted his hand. He gently pulls me towards him and ends up wrapping his arm around my back, keeping me by his side. I'm holding in all I've got to not change my expression nor pull away from him. Just for a little bit, go along with his performance.

"If you've heard a rumor, yes, we found the girl who was with the man who took Alec from us. When the sun rises, I'll lead a group out to pick up her trail," he explains. My eyes widen and look up at him. He is going after her. Whoever was injured cannot be well by now. There's no way they're able to get away by tomorrow.

Without changing his face, I feel a pinch at my side where his hand is out. Not too hard, but enough to get my attention. A warning not to overstep I assume. My eyes drop down again, looking at my feet.

He continues, "Won't be hard to find in the snow. We'll follow it to wherever they're hiding, and we'll bring that man to justice."

"You should kill him," a girl's voice said. The same girl that cried her eyes out earlier in the day after finding out her father has died. I do feel bad, I really do. The emptiness she feels right now is something that will never go away. She's too young to lose a parental figure. And her mom looks so exhausted next to her. Even as bad as I feel though, we are all out here to survive. Same is that other girl and that man that killed him. This is a cruel world where everything has gone to shit. Everyone fends for themselves at this point. Many, many, many lives have been lost. But if only they knew what happened to Alec afterwards. That is the worst of it all, and it was done by a man who everyone has been praising, worshiping, thankful for.

David unwraps his arm from me then starts to walk towards the girl, taking off his gloves in the process. Once he gets in front of her, he pauses for a moment, then out of nowhere raises his hand with the gloves in it and smacks her across her face, resulting in her going to the ground. Oh my god. What did he just do?

The mom immediately stands up and at this point, mostly everyone was at the edge of their seats. The mom was going to say something, but David's hand goes up to her to stop her. She hesitates then sits back down. He doesn't react that way very often, let alone to a child. But these people won't say a damn thing to him. What is stopping these people, there are a lot of them to retaliate and to go against him. Yet there are a small group that support him through it all, however the way I saw James looking at David earlier with uncertainty definitely makes me question it.

David then kneels down to the girl on the ground, offering her his hand now, which she takes, and helps her up to her chair.

He softly speaks, "I know you think you don't have a father anymore. But the truth is, Hannah, you will always have a father. And you will show him respect when he's speaking."

He's not implying he's taking over as a father to this girl, is he? He is literally out of his mind. He pulls the chair out in front of him. Then ends up taking off his jacket then puts it over the chair and sit down. He looks back and his eyes meet mine. I didn't even realize I was still standing at the entryway still. I look over at the closest table with an empty seat. Perfect, across the room as far away as possible from him.

As I pull the chair out and take a seat, the mom of the girl quickly gets up and leave, then comes back with two plates of food. She then walks in my direction, sets down one of the plates in front of me as well as some utensils, then goes over to the table where David is and gave him his plate and utensils. Looking back down at my food, seeing the big chunks of meat in there, the urge to hurl is starting up in my stomach, but I try to hold it in as much as possible. As she goes to sit down, I see David holding his hands together and stares over at me, motions down at his hands. I gulp.

Time for prayer.

-----------------------------------------

Vomit comes up past my throat, escaping my mouth, onto the soft pile of snow beneath me. Trying to be discreet on the side of the building, hoping no one can see me as I'm trying to get whatever I can out from my body. Disgusting. Just absolutely disgusting. I still hear the sounds of people scraping their plates, trying to get every last drop, not knowing what it is they're feasting on. I feel myself losing strength even more over time. Thank God they got that deer because I need to actually consume some sort of food before they become suspicious or find me laying somewhere unconscious due to malnutrition and have them do who-knows-what to me at that point.

Then I hear my name being called in the distance. Shit it's him. My feet piles the extra snow around over the evidence on the ground as quickly as I can move them before I go towards his voice up front. As I go around the corner towards the front of the building, I see David looking around, then his shoulders relax as they see me running up to him.

"I was beginning to think you ran off on me," he said, almost in a jokingly tone, but knowing there was some underlying meaning behind it.

"Nope. Thought I dropped one of my gloves outside but ended up finding it in my pocket anyway." He gives me a questionable look, but his eyebrows only furrowed for a moment then he smiled, "It's getting late. Why don't I walk you back home, hun?"

For a small town they took over, they were limited to housing for everyone. However the home David took over, there was a RV on the side of the house. Looked like something from the 80s. Very worn down, definitely had some rodents in it over the years, but it had a bed and it was away from him. He offered to share his home with me once I was able to gain some of his trust, not wanting me to sleep on rat shit or breathe in the odd ammonia-like smell in the air, but I convinced him I would be OK in there. I would rather lay in rat shit then be in the same house as him any day. Just the idea of me sleeping under the same roof as him gave me the ick.

The RV is still in the far distance, so might as well start a conversation along the way, "So about tomorrow-"

He interrupts, "What of it?"

Keep going, need all the information I can get.

"Well, I didn't know if you needed extra help. I don't mind-"

He interrupts again, "I got the help I need. You need to stay behind and help early in the morning out in the shed. We're low on firewood and needing more bodies to chop since I'm taking a few extra men with me. We don't know what they are capable of."

"Y-You're not going to hurt them.... are you?" I hesitantly ask, not wanting to accept the fate of those people.

"The girl, no. But as far as the man who killed Alec, well, justice needs to be served. You can understand that, right?" I feel his stare, but I continue to look ahead, focusing on the RV inching closer and closer.

I nod my head. Not wanting to push any further.

When we got to the door of the RV, he says goodnight, plants a kiss on my forehead and waits for me to go inside. Just leave so I can rub whatever he left behind on my face. Before I was able to shut the door, I see his hand grasped it open still. I look at him as he stares at me. Finally, he speaks.

"You know, maybe when I bring her back, you can show her it's alright here. How you've accepted the Lord's light, my leadership, and maybe she'll be able to live a good life here. What do you think?"

I slowly nod my head at him, then wished him goodnight. He shut the door for me on the other side. When I finally heard that 'click', I immediately walk over to the bed on the other side, while rubbing at my forehead, still feeling his lips on my skin. By the time I plop on the bed, emotions hit me like a train and the tears won't stop coming down my face.

The same questions flood my brain: Why am I here? What did I do to deserve this? Why didn't I just die with the rest of my family, with Anna? I should've ended it all once she was gone. But I wouldn't have wanted this life for her. To imagine her being in this situation, to have to go through the mental and physical exhaustion of surviving. I don't even know if she would've made it this far.

Eventually my thoughts drift away as my tears exhausts me enough to go to sleep. But even my dreams are just as horrific as real life.

-----------------------------

It was later in the day, past supper time, seeing people leaving the steakhouse as I walk back to the RV. Had an early start this morning on gathering firewood, just about sunrise. I kept tossing and turning the night before, not able to sleep, just thinking about them two. I don't know why I can't let it go? This is how the world is anymore. People die. Naturally or intentionally. But I saw the way James was looking at that girl, how David was as well. James had looks to kill, which I believe he will if he had her to himself. But David, I'm afraid keeping her alive and here with him would almost be worse than that.

The group had left even before I started this morning, not sure exactly when they left. But as I was chopping wood up, I kept looking at the entryway of Silver Lake, waiting for them to arrive back, but nothing as of yet. At least with David not around, it was easier to skip dinner without people noticing or even caring for that matter.

I open the door to the RV, finally taking a break. Made my way over to the dinette, taking off my worn out gloves, wincing in the process, feeling a few slivers prickling at my skin.

"Shit," I mutter, noticing a rather large splinter in my palm of my left hand. I knew there was something scratching there. Now where did my tweezers go.

I proceed to go to the bathroom, opening up the cabinet next to the mirror, finding and old nail set I found scrounging through here the first day moving in here.

Grasping the tweezer, I delicately pinch at the base of the splinter, feeling pressure when grasping it. Ok, slowly now. And...aha! Got it.

A knock comes sudden at the door, startling me, making me drop the tweezers onto the floor. Thank God I got that out beforehand. That would've hurt.

Walking over to the door, I peered through the window beside it, seeing David there. He's back, is she here too?

I open the door, "David, made it back safe, I see?"

"Yes, we found her. She's locked up right now, not really cooperating with me," he responds.

Whew. She's alive then. I'm assuming she's in the cage I was in.

"What about her friend?" I ask.

"Marco, Timothy and Josiah stayed behind looking for him. Shouldn't take too long to find him," he answered. "Hopefully she'll open up to us a bit more. I'm sure it'll take time, but that's why I want you with me when we bring her supper."

"Why? It's not like she trusts me. She doesn't trust anyone," I ask.

He takes one step up the stairs and before I'm able to take a step back, he grabs my wrist, preventing me from going anywhere.

"Because I asked you to. Besides, she seemed to trust you out in the woods with me rather than somebody else. I'm trying to ask nicely here, hun," he says slowly, but cold. I then agreed to go with him.

I follow his footsteps into the steakhouse, grabbing the tray of food and a filled cup that was ready for him to give to her. Passing through the kitchen, down a small hallway and stopped in front of another door. I recognize the path vaguely from the last time. Through the window, I see the girl, looking down at something with fear in her eyes.

"Follow behind," David orders. He opens the door, and I see her immediately backing up to the other side of the cage, not breaking eye contact from whatever she was looking at. As we walked in, I glance over in the direction she was looking at on the ground and by the time I see what she sees, my stomach drops.

An ear. A fucking human ear. Way to traumatize this girl even more, David.

He doesn't seem to notice her distraction at first as he kneels down in front of her to push the plate under the gap of the cage. When he looks at her, he then glances back at what she's focused on. Now putting two and two together. Could've covered your evidence a bit more there, buddy.

David looks back at her and sighs, "For what it's worth, this is just deer meat. I swear."

"You're gonna chop me up into little pieces," she mutters.

He responds, "I'd rather not. Please just tell me your name."

She looks up and meets my eyes for a moment, then back down at him, but no answer came out of her mouth.

I see David clasps his hands together, "If you wanna judge me--"

"Judge you? You're eating people, you sick fuck!" She yells. This is really starting to feel like deja vu right now.

She kicks the tray towards him harshly, hitting the butcher's table beside him, which he stood up quickly from that. Out of instinct, I step back, afraid of his response. But surprisingly enough, he remains calm.

"Yes. There are only a few of us that know," he glances back at me, "Some finding out a harsher way than others," he looks back, "But I would've told you. Sooner or later. I guess sooner."

"You're an animal," she spat at him.

"Well, yes, we all are. That's sorta the point," he responds in a calm manner, too calm. "It was a last resort. You think it doesn't shame me? But what was I supposed to do? Let them starve?" I don't know, but eating human flesh is a wild choice to even think of. I think if people knew the truth they would rather be starving at that point. "These people who put their lives in my hands, who expect me to keep them safe, who love me?" Gross.

"Yeah, maybe," she answers back.

"You don't believe that," he shoots back, "I don't think your friend would either. Didn't he take another man's life to save yours?"

Immediately her eyes flame up in anger, "He was defending himself."

"He was defending you, but you knew that. You see a lot. So do I. And you know what I see looking at you?" He asked, but answers for her, "Me. You remind me of me. You're a natural leader, you're smart, loyal. Violent."

I glare over at him. She's not like you, you sadistic fuck. She is just a kid that grew up too fast. A kid that didn't have a choice but to do what she had to do to survive.

"You don't know anything about me," the girl glares at him.

"But I do," he says, "If I let you out of that cage right now, put that knife of yours in your hand, you'd stick me in a second. You have a violent heart," he starts walking towards her. I start to follow, trying to stop but I see his hand flicker up, motioning me to stop. There are all these knifes and sharp objects on the wall. I can easily just grab one and BAM! Louisa, get a freaking grip.

He slowly inches closer to the cage, "And I should know. I've always had a violent heart and struggled with it for a long time. But then the world ended and I was shown the truth."

"Right, by God," she mumbles, loud enough to hear.

He shakes his head, "No. By Cordyceps. What do they do? Is it evil? No. It's fruitful. It multiples. It feeds and protects its children and it secures its future with violence, if it must. It loves."

Ok, this guy has totally lost it. So much for easing her into it, getting to feel comfortable.

"Why are you telling me all of this?" She asks.

"The way the others can't. They need God. They need heaven. The need, well, a father," he looks back at me again, "Louisa here was just like you, not needing any of that. She was hard as a rock so it unfortunately took her some time, but she accepted it. She realized the truth. She follows. She obeys. Just like you will. I'm a shepherd surrounded by sheep, wanting an equal. And she is my equal. Just like you will be."

The girl asks, "What about my friend?"

Her friend. I wonder if they had found him yet. If they ended up killing him or dragging him back here as we speak.

He smiles, "Like I said, loyal. I can tell the others to stop looking for him. They'll spare him." Liar.

"Really? They'll just let him go?" the girl asks. Don't believe him, kid. I try to silently motion her to look at me, hopefully reading whatever he's saying is bullshit. But I can see how much that man mean to her, even if she's blocking out a major warning sign now.

He nods, "If he leaves us in peace, they will just let him go. They do what I tell them to do. They follow me. They'll follow us. Lord knows I could use the help. I mean look what has happened." I see him almost up against the cage against where she is. Please don't fall for it.

His hand reaches up, grasping the metal of the cage, "Think of what we can do together, as strong as we are. We can make this place perfect. We'd grow, spread out. We'd do whatever we need for our people. Imagine the life we could give them."

Her hand slowly goes up, touching the metal by his hand. Her eyes shift between their hands then back up at him. Then I see her eyes back on me, almost waiting for my response.

I see him shift, then his hand going on top of hers, "Imagine the life we could build."

Rage builds up in me. Sick, twisted, motherfucker. I need to get her out of here. And his face bashed in. Whichever comes first. Flashbacks of David and his men surrounding the cage, one by one, coming in, having their way, something that I've tried to block out ever since. Every hit, cut, tear comes into mind all at once. He is not going to do that to her. Not on my watch.

Before I could stop myself, I shake my head 'no' at her, hoping she catches on. Her eyes don't leave mine for a moment, then she looks up at him. Seeing her other hand slowly coming up and eventually laying it on top of his. Before I expect it, I hear a snap and his scream. His fingers are bent upwards as she gripping his hand as hard as she could. David bends down slightly and I see her trying to grab the keys from his beltloop, but he stops her by grabbing her and slamming her against cage.

Instincts kick in and I run over to him, locking my arm around his neck, pulling him backwards from her. She drops to the ground as David trying to get out of my grasp. His body moves around as well as his arms, attempting to grab me in some way. He stumbles back against the door, feeling my body slamming up against it, not once, but multiple times. Instant pain shoots through my back as I feel my arms get weaker and eventually lost my hold on him, landing on the floor.

Before I could get myself up, his body hovers over me, anger plastered all over his face, "You stupid bitch," he snarls. I feel his fist going into my side and I hunch over, a scream past my lips. He lifts my body up by shirt then whispers, "You're dead." Before I knew it, a hard fist connects with my face and everything goes black.

=================

NEXT PART

#tlou hbo #the last of us #tlou #joel tlou #tlou fanfiction #joel miller x oc #joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #fanfic #joel the last of us #joel miller x f!reader #enemies to lovers #slow burn #joel miller x f!oc #f!oc #pedrohub #pedro pascal

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countrymusiclover · 1 year ago

Text

3 - Confusing Conversations

Princess Red Thief

Part 4

Tag list - just ask to be added @mystrey101 @melvia-ito @kmc1989 @tallrock35

Someone knocked on my chamber door in my grandfather's castle while I was slipping on my horse riding boots. I had tied my hair up into a braid falling over my right shoulder. Flinging open the door I saw my mother standing there. "Hey mom, why are you here?"

"I have to go meet the prince who killed the dragon that was attacking our kingdom. But I should be asking you where you are off to?" She entered the room wearing a light blue and crystal dress and her hair all pinned up.

I shifted my gaze back down to the clothing that I had chosen to wear when I was going to train with the Dark One himself. "Oh uh. I just didn't want to be stuck inside all day. I know you've been busy with the wedding. So I have been finding things to take up my time."

"Well that is good to hear. I hope you enjoy your time to yourself. Maybe even find some adventure or love." She smiled at me brightly.

Covering my face with my hands my face began turning red at the thought. She had told me the story of how she and my father were supposed to wed. When I was a child I wanted what they had, but now it seems almost impossible. Especially if I can't get my magic under control. "Oh mom. You know I don't believe it like you do. Not anymore at least."

"Everly, there aren't enough people in this world who believe in true love. And I still have hope that someday I will find someone to free your father." My mother Abigail takes my hands in hers.

Lowering my gaze from hers I nodded knowing she wouldn't stop until my father was freed from his golden prison. "I miss him too, mom. I mean I do since I never got to know him after I was born and everything."

"He would have loved you, Eve." She held my face in her hands kissing my forehead deciding it was time to go and pretend she was excited to marry Prince James. "I should go. The carriage is waiting. I love you."

Once she had disappeared I felt a heavy weight on my shoulders. I wasn't prepared to tell her the truth, not yet anyway. We may live in a magical realm but it doesn't mean that she would accept me afterwards. She could want nothing to do with me. Leaving the castle grounds I saddle my horse and made the long ride to his castle. Reaching it in a few hours I dismounted with him standing outside the entrance of his castle. "Hasn't it occurred to you that just transposing here with magic is much easier and faster."

"Maybe for someone like you but not me. I need to get my abilities under control first." I dismounted my horse holding my red cloak tightly around myself.

Rumplestilskin walked forward trailing one hand over the fabric of my red cloak. "Why is this fabric so important to you, Red Thief?"

"It belongs to my father. My mother had the seamstress cut fabric from the last cloak he wore to fit me. I got it on my sixteenth birthday to honor him." I explained to him taking a step away from him when I felt some tears welling in my ears so I wiped them away with my hand.

He clicked his tongue leaning up against a nearby tree. "Interesting, Red Thief."

"I already told you before my name is Everly." I rolled my eyes at him and that annoying nickname. If he kept saying it people would start to think it was my real name.

Rumple glared at me, snapping his fingers. "I can call you whatever I wish and do whatever I want. I am the teacher in case you've forgotten. Speaking of.."

"My cloak! What did I do - or did you do it?" I panicked feeling the familiar fabric weight disappear from my shoulders.

He smirked. "I did it, dearie. For your first lesson of the day you must find the object that you care about the most with your magic."

"What! How the hell am I supposed to do that?" I throw my hands down at my sides thinking his plan was unbelievable. "I can't even see where you possibly could have put it."

Rumple moved forward standing behind me quickly covering my eyes with a blindfold. "As I have said to you before, now magic isn't about what you see, it's about what you feel inside."

"That's easy for you to say, not me." I told him, clutching my hands into fists at my sides.

Rumple leans forward whispering in my ear. "It shall be easy for you too. You just need to focus on the feeling that the cloak gives you. What does it make you feel when you are wearing it?"

"I feel...safe, sort of. Like my father is protecting me in a way even though he's cursed. If I'm wearing it I think for one second that I can't hurt anyone." I sucked in a breath feeling my hands unflinching and something fall into my open palms out in front of me.

He stepped backwards instructing me after removing the blindfold. "Open your eyes, Everly."

"Oh...wow. I did it. I actually did it." Spinning around on my feet I held the cloak on one arm and without thinking I fling my arms around Rumple's neck. He stumbled backwards barely touching my hips just to make sure we both didn't fall to the dirt. I drew away from the hug lowering gaze from him until I had a realization. "Uh sorry - wait did you actually call me Everly?"

He was still dazed from the hug not used to being embraced in such a way. "I don't have any idea what you are talking about, lass."

"Yes you do. Otherwise you wouldn't avoid the question." I clasped my hands together onto something here.

Rumplestilskin scoffed at me. "I could turn you into a tod if you don't stop right now."

"You're still avoiding the question, dearie." I used his own nickname against him, standing up on my toes almost touching noses with him.

His gaze darkened on my soft gaze. "If you don't stop this instant, Everly. I will most certainly turn you into a tod."

"Ah! You said my name again." I squealed uncontrollably where he yanked me against his chest, our noses touching now. "Rumple, wait I...I just meant to say I liked the way it sounds when you say my name is all."

Blinking my eyes a few times I could feel my heart beating against my chest when he moved his freehand downward to touch where my heart was located. "I could rip out your heart right now if I wished. And if you ever act like that when I am teaching again I just might do so. Keep that in mind, dearie."

"I understand, Rumple." I gulped, swearing that I could see his brown eyes soften for a brief moment.

"We're done for today, Everly - urgh Red Thief." He pushed me backwards away from him waving his hand causing the cloak on my arm to raise above my head. The object dropped on my head covering my field of vision and by the time I yanked it off my head seeing he had disappeared inside the dark castle. Holding the fabric in my hands I stood there in shock that maybe just maybe there was more behind the Dark One than anyone knew.

It had been about two weeks since I had been in the hospital because of Ashley freaking out about keeping her baby girl. A nurse rolled me out in a wheelchair since it was a required hospital policy and I saw Gold waiting outside with his car. Once they had got me in the vehicle he paid the hospital bill then got back in the driver's seat. "I will eventually pay you back for paying the bill."

"Don't worry about it, lass. I have enough money to cover things like this. Speaking of, I owe you some real food, don't you think?" He glanced in my direction with a light smile.

Putting my hands in my lap I disagreed. "Gold, that really isn't necessary. We should just go back to the shop and I'll work off the hours I owe you in return. Deduct my pay by two weeks too."

"Everly I - Eve, I said that it's not about the money. And I am being truly sincere about buying you some lunch." He growled under his breath not expecting that I would be such a fighter over this.

Biting my lip I asked him to hear a foreign name. "You said Everly. Who's Everly? My name is Eve."

"Uh Sorry. I heard someone say that name on TV and it just stuck." He was lying but thankfully his cursed love couldn't tell that he was in that moment. The drive to Granny's was silent and we entered the dinner together at the same time. I could feel eyes on me when we sat down in the nearest booth.

Ruby walked over to take our order. "What can I get you today?"

"An iced tea and a cheeseburger with pickles. And whatever the ladies wants she shall have." Gold extended his hand out to me.

I blushed not expecting that from him. "I'll do the same, just not the pickles."

"Gottcha." She walked away from us.

Laying my arms on the table I eyed my boss attempting to get a read on him. Something had obviously changed in him from the day Emma came into town. I just couldn't put my finger on what was different specifically. "What aren't you telling me, Gold. I know you're keeping something from me."

"I'm not hiding anything, dear. What makes you think I am?" He asked, still holding onto the menu and almost dropped it onto the floor before Ruby brought our food and drinks. He reached over to pick up the ketchup bottle changing the subject. "Have you ever tried it with this?"

"You're avoiding the question, meaning you are lying." I picked up my burger taking a bite out of it.

Gold just started eating his burger clearing his throat trying to start a conversation. "You never answered my question, Eve. But to answer yours I am not hiding anything."

"Not even how you feel about me. Professionally or romantically?" I sat my burger down raising a brow at him.

He takes a long sip of his drink. "Let's do this. We strike a deal where neither of us lie to each other unless we are trying to protect the other from something much greater."

"Deal! Now please tell me what you meant earlier by we were more than just a boss and employee relationship. Do you have feelings for me?" I hit my hands on the table throwing my hair over my shoulders needing some answers.

Gold smiled reaching across the table and holding my hand in his. "I do have feelings for you. In fact I was hoping I could take you out on a date sometime if you're up to it."

"Sure I would up to that - oh Uh we didn't order this." Granny's came over sliding me a piece of strawberry cake with chocolate icing.

She shrugged her shoulders walking off. "I'll be up at the register when you're ready to pay."

"Chocolate and strawberries are my favorite. But how did you know that?" I asked him shoving a bite in my mouth moaning in enjoyment at the taste.

He smiled squeezing my hand going to pay the bill. "Just a lucky guess, Eve. You enjoy your desert I'll be back shortly."

I stabbed myself another bite smiling at the thought. He certainly wasn't a bad guy like people thought he was. At least not around me. The dinner door opened and I moved my gaze seeing Henry slide in Gold's spot in the booth. "Hey Henry, what's new with you?"

"Tomorrow morning can you meet me at my castle?" He blurted out.

I coughed almost having the cake go down the wrong pipe. "What?"

"Can you meet there tomorrow yes or no?" He asked again looking over his shoulder while Gold was paying for lunch.

Tilting my head I didn't see why but he seemed like a nice kid so I agreed. "I should be able to. Can I know why?"

"Let's just say I think I've figured out who you really are. You and Mr. Gold." Henry gets to his feet leaving toward the bathroom when Gold came this way.

"What did he want?"

"I have no idea. Uh thanks for paying for lunch." I got to my feet following Gold outside with the kids words still buzzing in my h

Comments really appreciated ❤️

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rainwingmarvel7 · 2 months ago

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I‘m so late to the party and it’s past Mother’s Day but I still would like to know a bit more about Sigyn and motherhood 👀

Thanks so much for the ask! Sigyn as a mother is very important to me, so I would love to talk about her some more in that regard!

First of all, because she’s been around for so long, Sigyn actually has a lot of kids with several different guys, so I’ll also go over her relationship with each of them.

In general though, Sigyn takes her role as a mother very seriously. She loves each and every one her children dearly, and it’s hard for her to be unable to be with them for extended periods of time, especially with some of her older children.

Sigyn + Zuras and Cybele (children of Ikaris)

Sigyn is probably the least close with her children by Ikaris, purely because she was forcibly separated from them for so long. She had to return to Asgard while Zuras and Cybele were still children, and she lost track of them for a long time afterwards. In fact, she wasn’t even sure that they were still alive when she returned to Earth centuries later, and she was unable to find them. She wouldn’t end up reuniting with them until the Eternals film, when they were, obviously, adults. After that point, she’s much more present in their lives, although still not as much as her other, much younger children. She does still regret not being able to see them grow up, but she is very proud of them, and they all have very healthy relationships.

Sigyn + Idun, Gullveig, and Skadi Lokisdottir

Now, Sigyn doesn’t have favorites amongst her kids, but if she had to choose, it would be her children with Loki. Seeing as Loki is the love of her life, their children together are very special to her. She has a very close relationship with all three of them, especially Idun, who she helped to teach how to control her magic (with help from Frigga, and later Wanda). Although she couldn’t be there for parts of their childhood due to her obligations on Earth and her desire to keep them safe, she does everything that she can to be present in their lives when she is able. Following the events of Endgame, she has had much more of an ability to do that, and they actually live with her and the rest of her family with Bucky (and her kids with Steve too ofc).

Sigyn + Jessica Stark

Sigyn and Jessica have an interesting relationship. During the early years of Jessica’s life, Sigyn was very involved, and Jessica was even seen by the public more with her than with Tony. However, once Sigyn becomes more involved with S.H.I.E.L.D, resulting in her separating from Tony to retain secrecy (because she knew he would figure it out), her time spent with Jessica consequently became more infrequent. As a result, Jessica drifted more towards Tony, although she remained as close with her mother as she could. Sigyn made as much time for her as she could, but unfortunately, her duties usually got in the way. Once the Avengers were formed, though, Sigyn was able to be around more in Jessica’s life, and they definitely got closer from that point on. Sigyn loves Jessica very much, and she is both very protective and very proud of her, and she makes sure that her daughter knows it. While Jessica is an adult when Tony dies, Sigyn still makes it clear that her home is always open to her, and they only get closer.

Sigyn + Margaret and James Rogers

With Margaret and James, Sigyn has her first real taste of a (relatively) normal family life on Earth, and she is far more able to be a mother to her children with Steve than her previous children, especially in the five years between the Blip and the Time Heist. It’s a really great experience for her!

Sigyn + Clara Barnes (and the other future kids with Bucky)

At last, Sigyn is able to, for the most part, settle down and have a stable family with Bucky. She has at least one child with him, a daughter named Clara. They are as normal of a family as a family of superheroes can be, and Sigyn enjoys being a new mother again. Think, the Incredibles.

Bonus:

Sigyn + Fenrir Lokison

Sigyn absolutely steps up to her role as Fenrir’s mother when he emerges on the Sacred Timeline. She wants to make up for all the years that he was without her, and she is beyond overjoyed to have her son, who died as an infant in her own timeline, in her life. She is so mama bear with him, it’s amazing.

#oc: sigyn #oc: michelle m. mobius #zuras and cybele’s names might change I just needed something that could at least be a placeholder #and they’re the names of two other Eternals in the comics so I figured why not - at least for not #also sigyn does have at least one more kid than this #but I’m still figuring out the details #and thunderbolts may have inspired me to add at least one additional one

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startanewdream · 4 months ago

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Hi, I love your takes and I had to ask you, do you think James ever forgave Peter in the afterlife? Do you think Lily ever forgave Snape in the afterlife?

This is such a nice question because a very long time ago I played with the idea of writing Afterlife! Jily reacting to the events of the books, specially because they would be learning as Harry does... Well, I wrote a Jily Lives AU instead.

So my view of James forgiving or not Peter is all in The other marauder. I don't think James would in the sense that Peter would never forgive himself first. That's a bit spiritual and religious of me, but I imagine Peter as a literally worm in the afterlife because that's how he would see himself; James would pity him, maybe acknowledge that Peter had one last tiny moment of redemption, but would never welcome him again.

About Lily and Snape... I'm still writing it figuring out this one. It's a very different relationship and despite my own reservations, Snape dedicates his life to repent himself. Is it enough? Is it honourable as any Order member or it's just selfish? Does Lily owe him anything because of the good he's doing? I'm still thinking about this.

(if you are any curious, this is the first scene of the Lily&Snape story in Eyes Glistening)

Because of the situation – a girl was taken to the Chamber of Secrets – they call Lily to supervise the work with the Mandrake Restorative Draught. By nightfall, she arrives at Hogwarts with Dumbledore, who looks older and more tired than she has ever seen, both in gloomy silence. She eyes the staircase of the Great Hall, wishing she could check on Harry and make sure he’s all right — she cannot imagine what Molly and Arthur Weasley must be feeling right now — but instead of joining her son by the warm Gryffindor Tower, she descends to the dungeons.

Somehow, with everything going on in her mind, it’s only when she enters the Potions classroom that she realises what her task means for the night.

Who will be her Potions partner, just like old times.

She stops, hesitating for the one second Snape takes to raise his eyes from the cauldron — he always hunches in deep concentration while brewing potions, she remembers suddenly, the memory buried so deeply she’d thought it didn’t even exist anymore —, straight his back and look at her, his dark eyes betraying his surprise.

And then her hesitation is gone.

“The Ministry has sent me,” she says, all business, using the voice she uses when someone — usually a pureblood potion maker who believes they know more than her despite all her years of study and experience — questions her capacity. “I will supervise the brewing of the potions, then run some tests before they are given out to any of the… victims.”

Her voice breaks slightly, but it doesn’t seem as if Snape noticed it. He’s still staring at her as if he expects her to disappear, as if she isn’t real at all. Maybe he wishes she wasn’t.

In any case, he remains silent as she moves as closer as she has to, setting her potions kit on the table next to him and separating the ingredients she will need to test the potion. It takes him a few minutes to return to the brewing; his nose is scrunched as if he’s holding his breath, movements stiffer than he needs. The notion he feels as uncomfortable as she feels doesn’t bring her any joy.

They work in silence, hands carefully trading ingredients and vials without ever touching the other; there’s an attunement between them, Lily can’t help but notice with a touch of bitterness, and everything but the silence in that room travels her back twenty years in the past, to one of those Potion classes they both enjoyed, one of the few classes they shared. Back then, everything seemed so simple; back then they hadn’t chosen different sides, he hadn’t called her a Mudblood — and afterwards they had never shared a table in Potions anymore.

It had hurt her, it had taken some time before she had learned not to glance at him at the other side of the room, and yet Lily had persisted, had decided that she loved Potions on her own and not because of their broken friendship. After graduation, with the war raging on, she’d been sure that if they ever met again, they would be on opposite sides during a battle.

Maybe they did; he would have worn a mask, but Lily never donned one, which meant that Snape would have known he was cursing her, he wouldn’t have minded that they were once friends... But she cannot know if that ever happened—she shouldn’t need to know. All that matters is that their paths didn’t cross until now. There are at least fifteen years separating them.

Fifteen years. What a strange notion.

Her curiosity betrays her, stealing a glance at his profile. Severus — Snape hasn’t changed much; he looks older, less of the thin spidery teenager he had been, but still with the same long dark hair, hooked nose, pale skin of someone who stays indoors too long. There’s something gaunt about his face, something that she had seen lurking in the darkness of his eyes before, but now is more apparent than ever. For a moment Lily wonders what nightmares have plagued him — and then she admonishes herself, because she isn’t supposed to worry about him.

No matter how much Dumbledore vouches for him, how much even James mumbles in an uncertain voice about how people may change, or how she knows that Snape did help save Harry the year before…

She can’t be concerned about Severus Snape. Not after all this time.

He feels her gaze, turning his head to watch her, and Lily looks down to the potion at once; it’s bolling in a deep rich caramel solution.

“What are you doing?” she asks, too surprised to keep her voice cool.

Snape blinks. “The Mandrake Restorative Draught.”

“It’s not supposed to glow brown.” She searches through her notes, looking for the list of ingredients and then her gaze falls in a vial with a golden liquid she knows very well. The world’s most expensive ingredient. “Dragon blood,” she mumbles weakly. “You are adding dragon blood to the Draught.”

“The healing properties of the dragon blood—”

“Have never been tested with mandrakes,” she finishes for him. “Plants are too sensitive to be mixed with ingredients from animal origin.”

“With the exception of dragons. The magical properties of the creature enhances the restorative property of the mandrakes—as would with most of the antidotes we use in potions.”

A memory flickers on her mind. “But not with bezoars.”

“You just need to shove bezoars down their throat,” agrees Snape and this time, their eyes meet. In the flickering lights of the potions dungeon and the familiar smell of potions around them, it’s almost as if time didn’t pass and they are still the same innocent teenagers they once were before a single word cried loudly on a summer day tore them apart.

Except it was never just about that word.

“Lily—”

She takes a step back, avoiding his extended hand — left arm, she notices, the same one where Voldemort would brand his followers. She never found out if Snape had gotten the Dark Mark, that final symbol of Voldemort’s exclusive trust.

She is sure she doesn’t want to know.

“I will test the Dragon Blood before we proceed,” she says, voice firm again. "It may not matter to you but there are lives at stake here."

There is also a ghost, so her sentence isn't technically true but she lets it slip and so does Snape.

"It matters," he says, voice so soft that she can pretend she doesn't hear. Instead, she turns back to the cauldron she will use to test his potion and, a few minutes later, Snape tells her the potion is finished.

She has only once prepared a Mandrake Restorative Draught, and it resembled the draught that Snape presents her; the potion boils slowly, with the faint sound of a cry each time a bubble bursts, and Lily knows even before she begins her tests that the potion will work, probably even quicker than it was meant to. He was right about the Dragon Blood.

“Nice work,” she says, just a little begrudgingly.

He nods, lips pursed as if he’s stopping himself from saying things that Lily isn’t sure she ought to hear anyway.

“Dumbledore will be pleased.”

Something flickers in his black eyes. “Of course he will.” But there’s a hint of sarcasm in his voice as if he doesn’t care at all for Dumbledore’s thoughts on the matter.

Lily watches him for a moment before deciding she must have read this wrongly. It was only Dumbledore’s vow that kept Snape out of prison; surely Snape feels at least grateful for all that Dumbledore did. She always wondered what he’d told Dumbledore to show his repent—if he was even truthful in his reasons…

She shakes her head. Whatever the reason was, it doesn’t concern her.

“Why did you come?” He asks as she is packing her things. “Did you—Dumbledore called you?”

“No. The Ministry sent me.” She doesn’t hide her grimace. “I was the only Muggleborn potion maker they could contact at such short notice.”

“What was the difference?”

Lily bristles, her fury rising at once. Does it make a difference, being Muggleborn?

“Because the Ministry wanted a Muggleborn witch involved to prove that they care for all those Muggleborn kids petrified in the school now that a Pureblood girl was taken.” He blinks, his face a mask that does nothing to abide her temper. “It always comes down to blood.”

And bitterness claims her once again; Muggleborns were targeted this year, by the Heir of Slytherin as the legends would claim, and she knows that none of the students of his house were in any danger. Did Snape even care when those children were petrified? Or maybe he didn’t think it was any loss, all those Mudblood kids…

But her gaze falls to the vials of potion she has separated; the draught he brewed — for the Muggleborns, for the Squib’s cat, for the Gryffindor ghost — is perfect.

As it was expected of him. Or because it was expected of him?

He did try to save Harry last year and nobody — Lily included — expected him to do anything to save Harry, even less over some gratitude to James Potter that Lily is sure that Snape never felt in the first place.

But if not for paying a life debt, what for then?

She closes her bag. “Nice work,” she repeats, because she feels she needs to, and she leaves the room without looking behind.

#James and Peter #Snape and Lily #Eyes Glistening #it's complicated

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starstruckloves · 1 month ago

Text

⟢ Better Than Ever Imagined

Synopsis: Wisp is a bit concerned with how James seems to be avoiding him. Little did he know, he was planning something big for the two of them.

Notes: I HAD A BLAST WRITING THIS thank u to @jamesgengarboyfie for commissioning me once again !! i rlly appreciate it !!! ♡♡ reblogs r appreciated !

if ur interested in a commission, they're right here !!!

Divider by @/thecutestgrotto

James had been acting weird for weeks now. Usually he’d come over every weekend but he’d been a tad secretive lately. Wisp had tried to ask where he’d been or how his day went but James would often shrug it off, telling him he had simply been busy with team rocket stuff. Though, Wisp wasn’t always convinced.

But the times they were together, James was more lovey dovey than he’d ever been— and that was saying something. He was going over the top with everything. Making him food, a plethora of compliments, even once offering to dry him off after he showered. Wisp enjoyed it, sure, but he didn’t want him to frett more than necessary. Was he trying to make up for the time he had missed? It all confused Wisp more than anything and he intended on asking him about it.

Though, that was pushed to the back of his mind when he still had work to do. His job had been pretty hectic lately, leaving him tired when he got home that evening. He flopped down onto his couch with the full intent of just ordering some food and going to bed early but he soon felt his phone buzzing. He was quick to fish it from his pocket, a smile tugging on his lips as soon as he saw James’ contact.

“Hello?” he answered, accepting the call and holding the cell up to his ear.

“Hello, my sweet!” James greeted, his voice already giving away his excitement, “I was wondering if you were free this evening? Sorry, it’s so late notice.”

As much as Wisp wanted to rest up a bit, he hadn’t seen James in like two weeks. Plus, It’d be nice to talk to him about his concerns in person. “Sure. Did you want to come over here?”

“Not quite.” He gave a little nervous laugh. “I was actually thinking about taking you out somewhere tonight. I could come pick you up?”

“Oh!” Wisp could feel his heart flutter at the idea, his smile only widening. “That sounds great!”

“Perfect! I’ll be there at seven. I love you!” James was quick to end the call afterwards, not leaving Wisp any time to respond but he shook it off for now and just focused on getting ready.

Because of the hot weather recently, he just opted for a purple, short sleeved button up with an under shirt and shorts. He was in the middle of making sure his hair was sitting how he liked before hearing a beep from outside. He didn’t think much of it, grabbing his side bag and heading out the door. Though, he froze in place upon seeing who was waiting for him.

“Jessie?” The window of the red porsche sitting in front of his house rolled down, revealing the red head he was well familiar with. Oh, and Meowth peered up from the passenger side too. They both were wearing sunglasses and Jessie adorned a blue suit. Wisp hesitated before walking up to the car, standing on the passenger side. “Hey! What are you guys doing here?”

“We’re here to pick you up, of course.” Jessie stated as if that was totally obvious, gesturing flawlessly with her hand as she spoke.

Wisp just continued to stare at the two for a second before glancing around. Maybe he had missed something? “Where’s James?” Not that he minded that they were here, he just wasn’t expecting it.

“What do you mean? We’re your personal chauffeurs.” she clarified, her hand resting on her chest.

“Really?”

“Meowth, that’s right! Did James not tell you?” Meowth piped up, jumping up a bit in his seat so he could be seen over the door.

Wisp’s eyes drifted to the floor, quiet for a few moments. He was stuck wondering where James was and what he was even setting up here. Hopefully it wasn’t anything bad. He just needed to talk to him.

Meowth soon cleared his throat, “You comin’ or what? We’re on a very tight schedule—” Jessie was quick to slap him upside the head, an annoyed yelp coming from the pokemon before her anger was gone again the moment she looked back at Wisp.

“He’s just being stupid, take your time! Though, you are coming, right?”

“Mm, of course.” Wisp nodded.

“Perfect! Oh, you are gonna have to sit in the back though. Meowth already called the front seat.”

Wisp couldn’t help but snicker, nodding as he pulled open the backdoor and slid inside, shutting it behind him. As soon as he buckled up, the car started driving off, Wisp turning his head to watch the trees go by.

It wasn’t long before they got to their destination, the time going by faster with Wisp zoned out in the back seat. He perked up though when they stopped, recognizing the place immediately. It was a park him and James used to frequent, especially earlier in their relationship.

“Here we are!” Jessie announced. Wisp nodded, thanking the two before stepping out of the car. He looked around at the park, only seeing a squirrel and a couple people around with how the sun was setting. He turned back to the car, his head tilting a tad.

“Do you know where James is?”

Meowth scoffed, “Well, we were merely told to drive you here. We can’t give away the location!”

Wisp’s eyebrows furrowed a tad. “This is kind of a big park… Can I have a hint? Please?”

Jessie hummed in thought, putting a hand to her chin, “Well, only because you asked so nicely.” Her frilly tone gave away her act, making it seem like she was going to help him out regardless. She reached into her suit pocket, sliding out a folded piece of paper and reaching over the passenger side to stick it out the window.

Wisp took it, a tad hesitant but he opened it up regardless. He almost immediately recognized the fancy calligraphy as James’.

“Dear Wisp, my beloved. Sorry I couldn’t pick you up myself. I had a couple things to attend to before I saw you but, I thought I’d give you a little test to find me. So, darling, where did we share our first kiss? From, James.”

Wisp almost immediately tilted his head up in the direction, looking back and saying goodbye to Jessie and Meowth before walking the beaten path. It was a bit farther down than he expected but he knew it like the back of his hand. It was a bit off the path, a little open area with a guardrail to look over the sea. Wisp soon came up the path, his eyes darting around to see if he could spot him. “James—” His words died in his throat though as soon as he saw the layout before him.

The place was decorated, rose petals leading up to it all. A picnic blanket sat in the middle, fake candles keeping it illuminated besides the setting sun. Gengar plushies and merch sat on the blanket, a picnic basket resting on it as well. Balloons were behind it, a mix of silver, purple, and Gengar ones all weighed down so they wouldn’t fly off. On top of all that, James was standing in the middle of it, kneeled down and turned away as he fiddled with some flowers on the blanket. He was dressed up nice, a red suit with black accents.

“James?” Wisp called once more, still stunned by the array. James let out a little hum, turning his head around before his smile widened.

“Wisp! I’ll admit, I didn’t expect you to get here so quickly.” He stood up, his usual big, cheesy smile on his face.

Wisp stepped closer, his eyes wide as his heart sped up in his chest. “Wha— What is all this?”

“Oh, it’s just some stuff I’ve been working on getting together for the past few weeks. I thought you’d like it all.”

“This is what you’ve been doing?” His expression softened, his shoulders resting.

“Do you like it?” He sounded so sweet when he said it, his voice vulnerable for his work to be critiqued. Wisp stayed quiet though, his eyes darting all around the space before finally landing back on James. His boyfriend tilted his head a tad, a bit of worry now in the back of his head. “Wisp?” It wasn’t until tears started to brim up in Wisp’s eyes that James physically flinched, stepping forward almost immediately. “Honey? What’s wrong?”

Through tears he sobbed out, “I feel stupid.”

“Stupid? You aren’t stupid, why would you think that?”

“Because, I—” he sniffled, his hands rubbing at his eyes, “I was worried something was wrong. That you were avoiding me and— and then trying to make it up to me— I don’t know. I was just confused. I missed you.”

James’ eyes widened at his sentimentality, quickly softening afterwards. His hand came to rest on Wisp’s shoulder, pulling him into a brief hug. “Oh, dear… I’m sorry. I should've been more communicative.” He soon leaned back, his hands cupping the other’s face and wiping at the wet streaks. He could feel himself starting to tear up at the sight of Wips’s tears but he tried to keep them back for now. “I wanted to keep this whole thing a surprise for you. I would never want to avoid you.” he clarified, leaning in and pressing a gentle kiss to Wisp’s forehead.

Wisp leaned into his kiss, his glossy eyes finally meeting James’ as he put his hands down. “Really?”

“Of course!” He paused for a moment before reaching around to his pocket, “Actually, I want to be closer to you than ever.” Suddenly, he kneeled down in front of him, pulling out a tiny black box. Wisp straightened up, already recognizing what he was doing. “Wisp, you’ve made me the happiest I’ve ever been. You know how my life was before we met. You brighten up my days better than anything else can. Even the sun itself doesn’t compare to you. So, darling,” James paused, opening up the little box to reveal two things inside. A pin crafted out of a safety pin and a limited edition gengar bottle cap and a purple, red, and blue ring, the coloring looking almost like tiny gemstones. Finally, James continued, “would you do me the honor of marrying me?”

Wisp stood stunned for a moment, even though his answer was already in his head. Was this even real? This was something he’d been dreaming for a while and this was better than anything he could have ever asked for. Though, he quickly realized he was keeping James waiting. So, through his tears, he answered breathlessly, “Yes— Yes, of course I will.”

Before either of them could even process it, they both fell into each other in a hug, tears that were previously held back escaping their eyes like a broken dam. James stood up, his grip tight on the other as he suddenly picked him up, spinning the two of them around. A surprised gasp came from Wisp but it soon devolved into giggles between the couple. He was soon set back down, taking initiative and grabbing James’ face to pull him into a long kiss. Finally, his worries ceased, his heart brimming with love. And he was finally reassured that his boyfriend— no, fiance— felt the same.

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speyeralling-down-thy-majesty · 1 year ago

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OOC: Realised that I haven't updated their statement in a loooong while,and that a lot of their backstory has changed, so here it is,an updated statement

Statement of Amelie A. Liddel regarding their Becoming. Statement provided directly by subject,June 5th,2020.

My name is Amelie Alice LiddeI.I was born in London ,to a man named James and a woman with the name Celine. My father was a busy man,loving his work more than his only child,substituting his love with material goods and experiences I did not ask for,nor like. And my mother? Well,I don’t really remember her that much. She left early on,unable to stand my workaholic father.That much about myself I can remember with semi-clear ease,though a whole lot of memories are fragmented and twisted beyond comprehension.

One of the things I clearly remember, though,is how and why I ended up here, working at the institute.

You see, I always loved books.I mean,it should come as no surprise, especially given my occupation. I was raised to appreciate the written word and its beauty. When it came to why I loved them so much, though… I greatly enjoyed letting myself get lost in the unreality, drinking in the knowledge and the words. I would spend hours reading, ignoring the reality outside the pages. The reality that demanded unbreaking perfection and countless facades. With books I was safe to be myself.

My curiosity and nearly ravenous hunger for knowledge always were a big part of me. I was a curious child, sticking my nose into things I had no bussiness to, just because I wanted to know. Even when growing up,it was hard to keep things hidden from me, literally and metaphorically. I used to pry and ask and try to know until I was pushed away, until everyone got sick of me. I just couldn't stay in the dark.

Besides being a collection of knowledge,books were the perfect getaway for me as well.They were fascinating and so entrancing!! Especially old fairy tales,those were my secret favorites. Unlike the dry classics my father wanted me to read. Those were too difficult for me to understand either way. Obviously, I would have never admitted that,it would have cracked the perfect, serious academic image I was trying so hard to achieve,and made my father disappointed in me.

Ultimately I gathered the courage and decided- I want to spend more of my life being surrounded by what makes me the happiest- books. It wasn't that much of a lie for once as well, actually. Working as a librarian became my ultimate goal, something I put my everything into, just to achieve. Afterall, what's better for a book lover like me than to be surrounded by books full time? My father wasn’t too displeased with my decision either way. He had hoped for more,and bigger,but reassuring him that it’s only a stepping stone helped plenty. I don't think he would have let me leave if I told him the truth. That I did

With a fresh degree,and no experience in all of this,a silly little overambitious me applied as a librarian at The Magnus Institute, almost as a joke,just to see how badly I would be rejected.It was one of the bravest things I have ever done,an uncalculated,spontaneous move.

I was metaphorically losing my mind from happiness after receiving an answer. I was accepted! I didn't think it was real,I had no hope,considering how weird the interview was. What kind of self respecting academic institution asks their potential workers questions about their biggest fears?

Like usual, I lied my way through that as well, there's no way I could have told this creepy stranger about what really I was afraid of: disappointing everyone with the real me, having them find out how much of a loser Alice Liddel actually was.

It was all I wanted, really .To be able to work among the things I wanted,and to make my father somewhat proud by being accepted into a widely known academic place. Things were easy and smooth afterwards. Being a librarian wasn’t hard,checking out books,managing returns and new arrivals was… almost fun,I'd say. The added bonus of it being one of the apparently safest positions helped as well. I didn’t think any of the supernatural encounters I have heard rumours of would ever happen to me. What's so dangerous about some old dusty books? Oh,how wrong I was.

One day,while I was managing new arrivals, I came across the most gorgeous book. Shimmering, seemingly shifting with strange colours,cover adorned by interlocking spirals and nearly ethereal looking fractals . I needed to read it.I couldn't just put it back and go on with my day like nothing happened. Trust me, I tried. But the thought of what it promised lingered at the back of my mind, scratching like a needy cat.

So fuck it. I sneaked the book into the reading room,fully intending just to glance at it and put away. But my curiosity grew the more I examined it. Looking away was difficult. Was it something I wanted myself, or was the thought of not knowing too scary to ignore?

When I started reading it,I was enthralled. Admittedly,it was so confusing,none of the words actually made any sense,and yet I understood it perfectly. Somehow. It was almost as if the book was speaking to me personally. It’s ridiculous,books can’t speak, I'm not sure where I got that thought from at that time,but I did feel like it spoke,in its own way.

It told me things. So... Many... Things... Things that could never be possible, truths that were wrong,so,so many things that I couldn't comprehend,too much,too many and it made my head hurt. Everything was a lie,and yet everything felt like a truth. I couldn’t bear the nonsense,so I forced it close,forced myself to look away. I really hoped I won’t have any lingering effects from that. I just wanted to forget what I read,erase my mind from the overload of strange knowledge that managed to change my perception of reality.

I think it has stayed with me since.I never looked at..anything the same since. My view of reality has been twisted and I truly did not know how to cope with that. But I had to.I was everyone’s perfect little Amelie,always calm and smiling,no matter what horrors life threw at me.What I read was driving me crazy,everything felt like a lie,but I suppose it wasn’t any different from my usual life.

The strange fractals I saw haunted me every time I closed my eyes or lost focus. They.were everywhere. I even saw them on my skin if I stared long enough. Colourful and shifting,but never fully there.

Later on,I developed a headache that nothing would soothe,a mad pain. Trust me, I've tried soothing it to the best of my abilities. I took so many different types of painkillers, I went as far as disregarding my physical well being. After all, nothing else matters much when you're being driven mad by pain. You just want it to stop. One way or another. And if you can’t,you just plaster on a smile and continue on.

My dreams were haunted by books that didn't make sense. Written in symbols I couldn't comprehend,yet my mind forced me to understand them. I don't know how,but it did. Does it make sense? Probably not,my mind was already too broken by the time the dreams started. Some nights I wished I could stop sleeping,so I could take a break from the fractals and the twisted truth they spoke. My wishes came back to me tenfold,as I started sleeping less and less.

A few months later, I noticed how looking in the mirrors only showed a warped reflection… My eyes weren't the same either.They seemed to swirl in spirals of strange colours,not unlike those of the cover of the book that doomed me. It hurt to look at myself-everything seemed too bright. I don't think I could even comprehend what I saw,and how much of it was still me.

And yet,for some reason, nobody else saw anything wrong with me. To everyone else,the book was always normal. Even I was normal to them,though what do you expect when you force yourself into a facade so well you start to believe it yourself? I started to believe them. They could not see,not know,that I was becoming a twisted version of myself,so that must have meant everything was fine,the facade was strong.

Time stopped having meaning long ago,though I’m sure by the time I obviously lost it,a year had passed. I was somehow still doing my job well enough not to be questioned. Maybe the Eye helped as well? I remember the ease with which knowledge came to me,especially regarding books.Most of it was twisted,and odd,but it was knowledge that wasn’t there nonetheless. I remember feeling watched,obviously,but I just chalked it up to the overall weirdness of the Institute. In a way,it almost was comforting? Maybe someone could See,Know what was happening to me.

If you were to look at me back then,you could only tell I was stressed. It didn’t look like I was scared. But I was. My mind was the most precious thing to me. I couldn’t trust anything,anyone,even myself! It was so hard… Was that person in front of me something my mind made up to mess with me,or was it just the coworker that I didn’t interact with often? How is it Thursday already? I woke up an hour ago and yet it was Monday?? It didn’t make any sense,it was disorienting and I felt like I was in a dream. I was having panic attacks daily.

One time at work,I simply…broke down laughing. I was overcome with mad hysteria,everything in me broke. I couldn’t do it,running away from whatever madness was in me was too tiring,the facade already broke either way. What else was left to do besides welcoming the madness with open arms,letting it twist and distort anything that once was truly me? It was oddly comforting,not having to put any effort into living out a facade,it felt like I could finally be myself. So in a sense,my demise was my salvation.

Statement ends.

#tma rp #tma oc #character statement

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