#(abnormal) reflections
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I just want to say one more thing for now, to anyone who is struggling right now because the Bad Batch has been your comfort show but how they handled Tech has potentially ruined that for you, you’re not alone. I know that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with, but you aren’t alone.
#the bad batch#the bad batch tech#tbb tech#star wars#i also want to say to people who are struggling with themselves right now because of it that you’re also not alone#i’m in a spiral because i’m so angry with myself for being so upset about something fictional#(that’s not a reflection on others it’s because i struggle badly with being ‘abnormal’)#and that i’m so upset about something fictional when there is so much going on in the world#i feel pathetic for it#so if anyone is feeling even remotely the same#i’m with you
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"kon would wear a crop top, jon would not" says WHO
#let my child wear a crop top#i went from 'oh nice casual clothes for once' to caring about this an abnormal amount way too quickly#i think i just can't handle other people's opinions tonight it happens#anyway i know none of this matters and i know there's a problem differentiating these two and i had to check if it was kon or jon too but l#ke. c'mon#that's just a silly thing to say#it's also a silly thing to care about the silly things other people say but i'm not here to further self-reflect
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if i think too much about tyler joseph self titled era i start getting sick to my stomach
#i think i see too much of myself in him but also i am just abnormal about him in general so who knows#trinket reflects#also i really wanted that gif set from the johnny boy newport video but i cant find it
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Screaming Sneakers, (Abnormal) Reflections from the Marching Orders E.P. (1982)(Limited Edition Pressing (100 copies)).



#screaming sneakers#(abnormal) reflections#marching orders#lisa nash#mark evans#bud gamgemi#gary sunshine#new wave#noise pop#vinyl records#vinyl albums#record collection#abum collection#vinyl collection#vinyl rip#audio post#miami#flynn's#r.i.p. mark evans & bud gangemi#🖤 lisa nash
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the whole feeling of ”i wasnt supposted to live this long” is fairly common with people whove grown up w various mental health problems like depression and suicidality etc etc. and i can definitely relate to that too but like theres something about like… when you grow up in a scary actively dangerous enviroment where you as a child are just actually fearing for your life on the regular, just expecting that one of these days youll die. and then that day just never comes, at least not until youre already an adult. its difficult to accept that youre alive! its so crazy i feel like ive been trying to adjust to Not Living In Mortal Fear for like over a decade now and it still feels strange. like its hard to plan for future and to believe in it but i guess i AM just happy to be alive and safe. that has to be enough too
#lrb fucked me up….. waaah waah.#like i was thinking about it earlier too. and im about to start a cps class next month in school so ive just been reflecting a lot. like#whoah. fucked.#like again its almost a bit funny how like long it takes a person who grew up in an ABNORMAL enviroment to realize that it was in fact#abnormal. like ofc ive known it but i feel like ive only recently started to emotionally process how like. scary and horrible it is that#every time id walk home from school as an 8 yo id be like Wow i wonder if my dads gonna kill mom and me today. like thats not what a childs#supposted to think and worry about…..
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i’m torn between indian and pakistani mainstream media bc i feel like the former tends towards wanting to be progressive as a whole but often makes haphazard attempts in the process that certainly have their heart in the right place but are still not doing quite enough and then the latter is like 90% straight women hating shite from the gutter but the leftover 10% that is actually worth something is some of the most phenomenal stuff you have ever seen and near close to perfect. but it’s only 10% and you have to wait and wade through so much of the shite to even get to it
#and i feel like both countries’ technological devt really reflects this in the sense that#when you compare most women’s station in india to most women’s station in pakistan it’s a very stark difference#like rocky aur rani is completely abnormal to even posit in pakistani media#but as a result of that rarity and the even more extensive degree of women’s oppression in pakistan#i feel like that sort of allows for more like. conscious critiques of patriarchy etc#which you don’t get as strongly in mainstream bwood bc financial elevation is such a huge mark of success and security already#that there’s not much care to interrogate beyond that even though it’s necessary#but disclaimer obv that these are still generalizations just based on what i feel like i’ve observed#and is in no way a reflection of more niche media from both countries that likely is way more self conscious and progressive#to be deleted
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yall ever had people that have had such a different life experience to yours that it like. annoys you.
and realistically and morally that person isnt in any wrong, but the things they say are just so incompatible to your OWN life experiences that it starts to piss you off? because it feels to your stupid monkey brain that theyre just making shit up with the confidence of 1000 suns. or is there something extra wrong with me
#its one of those things i read/hear whatever and get irritated n defensive and mean#and i have to be like. okay lets calm down take a step back. Your Experiences Are Not Universal its literally fine#yknow gotta do the manual empathy run to understand their point rather than having it run automatically bc its just so Abnormal to you#and if you still disagree like whatever. who give a shit. not your circus NOR monkeys can we GO#idk this is also definitely *part* an issue i KNOW is 'something wrong with me' and for that reason im a little nervous posting this#but 1. i want to know if this is a wider spread human phenomenon and 2. i feel better abt it bc its something im *actively* reflecting on
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i had a good day i like having things to do but unfortunately i have just remembered i am insane</3
#currently. in this moment#currently i can't stand the enorrrrmous gap between what i recognize as good writing + how committed i am to improving the skill#(not very) (i am not committed i have never committed or honed any skill as it's a very vulnerable position to put yourself in)#(or let me rephrase that i feel unusually insecure and existentially threatened when i have to start from zero and make mistakes)#(which is basically all of life. so it's abnormal i know it is. but it's where i am right now and i'm not climbing out of this one anytime#soon)#so listen i didn't sign up for this. i don't even want this really and i double triple quadruple don't want rules and advice and#indirect criticism. the latter no one at all on planet earth can avoid bc every sentiment and opinion expressed can reflect on you in a way#where was i what gap. right so i am not actually disciplined or motivated to learn/discover/get better at creating something#so that's the gap‚ i know what i should be trying to do or what i should want or what i should strive for. i know why. i see i hear#i understand#it's just that‚ i am aware that psychologically that is not in my best interest#like long-term it is but in actuality it isn't. d'you know what i mean?#but i have my compulsions. and those don't care they operate on a different level#so there is a bit of an opposition. so what happens‚ and this is the important part‚ what happens is i do it and i feel bad.#unless i close my eyes and ears. and i feel bad right now#and i'm bummed#and then i question everything and wonder why i'm alive#and i said insane because if i didn't have compulsions and obsessions? if i lived a real tactile present life. day to day and only cared#about how i can improve my life and the lives of others. and how i can become useful#directly. if i was someone who could access that. then i wouldn't have this problem#i know this sounds like “if i was different i would be different which would be good”. and that is exactly what i'm saying yeah#so this is my journal entry for today. i felt good when i was doing something simple for 9 hours and then i 🧠made myself feel bad#kata.txt#writing tag
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Tried to put this in the replies, but it got long and is relevant to the OP, so:
Less so than the average British/South African white guy of his time, which is to say: yes, but not notably so.
He did also speak very bluntly in his response to the Nazi requests to translate his work, claiming he would have been proud to be a genuine Aryan [that is, from the Indian subcontinent] but unfortunately he's just German and English. Some of that is "Oxford fellow thinks he's being very smart" rhetorical devices, but he also does seem to have been pretty vocally of the belief that different cultures and ethnicities held value, and while he left South Africa very young and considered himself English, he did also remark on the brutality and inhumanity of the apartheid regime there. He also criticised C.S. Lewis' assertion (in The Last Battle) that some people couldn't get into heaven on the basis of race and culture, but "have a theological argument with C.S. Lewis" does seem to have been one of his primary hobbies at the time so idk if that was purely anti-racist.
At the same time: this was at a time when the N-word was in common parlance (including in children's nursery rhymes and even in leftist discourse), when Britain had an empire and Tolkien had been raised in one of its colonies, and when the school system emphasised "the white man's burden" and the savagery and primitivism of "lesser" cultures. And Tolkien was not a radical, and not sufficiently concerned with race as a topic to break fully from that social conditioning. So it's not like he wasn't a racist, but he wasn't a racist by the standards of his time, background, and immediate environment. (Bearing in mind that his immediate environment was the same one that saw the rise of Oswald Mosley and Winston Churchill.)
What Tolkien WAS was a genuine, old-school British conservative, which I think is what right-wingers pick up on in his work. He had an engrained belief in hierarchy and traditionalism, and his arguments against capitalism come from Catholic semi-feudalism, not socialism. "The rich man in his castle, the poor man at his gate/God made them high and lowly and each to his estate" is very much an underpinning of a lot of Tolkien's work, which emphasises the importance of working to, and being satisfied with, your status in life - Sam's strength is his humility and desire to be a simple gardener, but, while humility remains valuable throughout, Aragorn's strength is that he knows that he is born to be King. Ruling is all he can ever ethically do (noticeably, whether or not his people consent to be ruled - note that the first Man of Gondor he comes into contact with is Boromir, whose response of "ok mate where the fuck have you been when we were fighting and dying for the past forty years?", and that is cast as a mistake on Boromir's part, and he is told to sit down and respect the rightful king by Literal Voice Of The Gods Gandalf), and it would be wrong and evil for him to try to do anything else, just as it would be a moral wrong for Sam to try to be a king.
Lord of the Rings in particular is very concerned with noblesse oblige and the burdens of power - while, yes, the core story is "minor gentry [Sam is the only actual working-class character] rises above his presumed station and, through being literally and metaphorically one of the little people of the world, slips under the radar and completes a heroic quest", almost all the surrounding stories are about the difficult duty of managing power. And, unfortunately, this lends itself very readily to a "white man's burden" kind of reading - these people, you see, are simply of superior race (literally, in the case of the Elves, and in the case of Aragorn, Boromir, and the ruling class of Gondor being measured by their proximity to Númenorean bloodlines), and so it is their unfortunate duty to command and to cleanse the lesser (Orcish, and by extension Easterling and Haradrim) races from their nice, functional societies.
To be clear: I do not think this is how Tolkien intended it. I think, in his own traditionalist, cloistered-academic, Catholic way, he was pretty egalitarian. He doesn't treat the ruling class as actually better than the working class - Sam is no less a hero than Frodo, Merry, and Pippin, all of whom are gentry or nobility, and none of them are lesser as people than Aragorn or Elrond or even Gandalf or Galadriel - even if he does view class distinctions as fundamental and immutable differences. He values friendship, peace, and the laying down of grudges (against all the problems caused by revenge, note that Éomer's first and most noble act of kingship is "accepting the Dunlendings' surrender, treating them kindly, and making peace with them", and they are so impressed by this that they too put aside a centuries-long war and help rebuild the country they helped to destroy). While he often forgets that women exist (I will die on the hill that "three out of 22 rulers of Númenor were women, despite equal inheritance being explicit" is evidence that Tolkien just did not think of women as being half the population), he is quick to defend their value in both masculine and feminine pursuits, and to express them as people outside of marriage and childbearing - and his own life, in which he married a much older divorcée from a different religious background against all voices from their families, reflects that same sense of valuing women on human terms. He is a humanist, not in the religious sense but in the sense that he values humanity above all things in his writing; he writes consistently against power for its own sake, against war as glory, and against bigotry and condemnation.
BUT
he was also a traditional, dyed-in-the-wool Tory, Catholic-restorationist, pro-feudal Oxford don who was raised in a much more conservative time, place, and social class than most of us, and he brings that to his writing too. From a conservative perspective, reading with an eye for right-wing ideas:
Éowyn ultimately turns from the aberration of being a warrior and becomes a wife and mother, embracing "feminine" traits of healing and caring as part of her own healing.
Class is reified through Sam's heroism being that of a servant, and Aragorn's that of a king, and the return of the king is the source of great rejoicing.
Some races, and some classes, are simply better at things. Dwarves are better craftsmen. Men are better warriors. Elves are better at everything because they're special. they are also tall and fair and European
The idyllic Shire is a cottagecore dream of traditional British rural life, in which people know their place, women are real women, and everyone has good manners.
Most of the "good" societies are coded with European or Classical trappings (the exception is actually Gondor, which is pretty easily read as Byzantine), and opposed against a literal rampaging horde from the East. Some of the horde from the East are literally inhuman, while others are elephant-riding brutes who hold oblique historical grudges and strange religious customs. Compassion against these foreign invaders is looked upon favourably by the narrative, but only after you've killed them.
With the previous point, and the films, in mind, it is easy to conclude that regardless of species diversity, the Fellowship is a cadre of brave white men fighting to protect their society from a monstrous foreign threat - one in which a cunning trickster from within the main setting has puppeted the less evolved races into destroying Western civilisation.
While the story is anti-war, it is anti-war in a way that allows for cool battle scenes and noble deaths, and there are several points at which Dying For A Cause is lionised and seen as redemptive in a way that slots nicely into a lot of more militaristic ideologies (including fascism).
again, I cannot underline enough, I DO NOT BELIEVE THIS IS A FAIR READING OF THE NARRATIVE. I think it's an ideologically-motivated reading that ignores both Tolkien's personal views and large chunks of the text. But the thing is: the people who read it in the way I've described would probably say the same thing of your description.
The thing about Tolkien's much-discussed distaste for intentional allegory is: Lord of the Rings is not 1984. It is not an explicit political polemic. It is one man unpacking his Great War trauma and political anxieties, his expertise in Anglo-Saxon literature, his special interests in folklore and etymology, his love of the English countryside and his dislike of modernity, his Catholicism and his conservatism and his egalitarianism and his loneliness and his loves. It is not absolute in its politics, because it isn't trying to give you a political solution: it's trying to give you morals, yes, but they're as much personal ones as societal ones.
It is not a shock that right-wingers latch onto Tolkien's work, or see parts of their beliefs reflected there. It's still a fucking insult to the work, but it's not a shock.
Seeing conservatives and bigots being fans of Tolkien works is a special type of jumpscare bcs what are you doing here man? In the franchise about folks from different backgrounds and races come together in brotherhood to vanquish the villain? Where kindness and compassion and sinple happiness were seen as the best ways to keep evil at bay? Where war is not glorified and seen as a grim necessity to the point where the son of the author gor criticised the movies for glorifying the war too much? Where men openly engaged in feminine activities and were open about emotions other than anger? Where multiple characters gender presentation varied from those we normally associate with their gender? Where women were empowered in multiple different ways? Where greed was presented as turning one into a literal monster?Where the villains are all thinly veiled depictions of capitalism? Where care for the enviornment is seen as a given?
#long post#tolkien#lord of the rings#ALSO WHAT DO YOU MEAN “MULTIPLE CHARACTERS' GENDER PRESENTATION VARIES FROM WHAT WE NORMALLY EXPECT”?#NO THEY DON'T?#literally can't think what you would mean by that i'm not doing a bit. middle-earth is very gender-normative at least in canon.#i think that there are a lot of people who think that the displays of male emotion in lotr are. how do i put this?#more queer than they actually are?#if you compare them to either the epics that he is drawing from OR to the literature of the war he had recently lived through#i would say he takes it to a more human degree but it is not at all abnormal for men to cry and admit fear and touch each other#one of the notable things about ww1 and inter-war literature is an emphasis on male companionship and love#there is an intimacy that comes from being stuck in the actual trenches with only other men#and i think that's what is reflected in tolkien's emotionality#which doesn't mean it's not radical! it is radical! but i don't think it's as gender-nonconformist as it seems to a modern eye.#also the villains are not “thinly-veiled depictions of capitalism”#not just because of tolkien's allegory complaints#but because the villains are depictions of THE LUST FOR POWER FOR ITS OWN SAKE#a thing which exists across all sociopolitical ideologies not just capitalism#morgoth isn't a capitalist! morgoth doesn't want capital! morgoth just wants to BREAK SHIT and BE SATAN.#idk i agree that as a leftist tolkien's work speaks to me deeply on a political level#but i think flattening it to “tolkien is obviously leftist” does a disservice to the complexity of. well. how writing works really.#and also misunderstands that leftist and anti-capitalist/anti-authoritarian are not actually synonymous#tolkien was a right-winger. he voted tory his whole life. he read the times. he identified himself by class in a way that damaged him deepl#he was ALSO an anti-war anti-fascist anti-capitalist orphan who married below his station and out of his class and religion#and who pushed back against what he saw as unfair systems both in britain and abroad#and who escaped the somme by fluke and lost dozens of friends there#and his works are complicated and often self-contradictory#because they aren't essays and they aren't polemics and they aren't political allegories#they are stories informed by the complicated and self-contradictory beliefs of a troubled man in troubled times#idk it feels. sad. to treat them as thoroughly Good And Unproblematic.
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Stream and Scream | reader x multiple men
play previous song? || ◁ PART 2 ▷ || play next song?
summary : Your inbox has turned into a horny battlefield—six familiar usernames, six neck-down thirst traps, all hard and very, very eager.
No faces. Just bodies. Dicks. Bold lighting choices. Questionable bedsheets.
You sit cross-legged in your underwear like you’re judging Olympic figure skating, except everyone’s naked and begging to be picked.
Time to start scoring.
contains : camgirl!reader x a whole ass roster, rotating cast, university AU, smut, porn with kinda a crack plot, casual sex, anonymous sex, exhibitionism, recording, oral sex, piv sex, rough kinky sex, everyone wants to fuck reader, horny simp men, sukuna being sukuna, reader being willfully ignorant for her own sanity.
A/N : time to make your first choice for the first week by voting in the poll at the end, i'll be doing this all in descending order based on who was the most voted to the least - so vote well >:) goodluck reader ! (i wonder who the mystery man could POSSIBLY be)
You sat back for a few hours, letting it really settle in for yourself and your viewers. You had hundreds of messages and you hadn’t even finished scrolling through the first wave of submissions when the familiar usernames started sliding into your inbox—like wolves answering the call. And it was obvious, immediately, which messages you were actually going to open.
These weren’t just horny randos with messy lighting and desperate angles.
These were your regulars.
The six you already knew by username. The six who tipped with the intensity of men bidding for real estate inside your body. And now they were showing themselves to you. You hoped to whatever deity was listening that these guys were hot with huge cocks. What? It was fun to be a little superficial sometimes. First up:
EmoWithaBoner.
His message was soft-spoken, despite the picture attached being the exact opposite of that, just like always. No emojis. No bravado.
“Didn’t know how to pose,” it read. “But I thought about how you’d look on top of me, and it kind of just happened.”
It was soft, unfiltered, and a little shaky. The photo was reflected from his mirror and showed him stretched out across gray sheets, pale skin dusted with faint freckles. He looked like he went to the gym often with how built he was. Narrow hips. His cock sat flushed against his stomach, long and lean—at least seven inches, maybe more—and wait.. was that? You looked closer towards the image, inspecting it like you were trying to solve a case. Yep. It was pierced at the frenulum with a delicate curved barbell. A glint of silver. Great heavens. Saved.
TempleOfSin.
His body was art. Broad chest, warm tan skin like satin, sculpted muscle that looked carved. His torso was tapered, lean and strong, with a small trail of black hair leading down to a thick, curved cock—seven inches minimum, hand loosely resting at the base like he was showing it off without trying too hard. He was neatly trimmed. It looked like there was a bunch of robes beside him haphazardly taken off for the photo. “Consider this a formal offering,” the message read. “You could worship every inch of me truly, my loyal little follower.” Odd as always, but hot. Saved. You could hear your prayers being answered, two down and so far all was good - in fact, perfect. You were surprised these were the guys paying you, and for a second or two you felt like you should be paying them for the photos.
SixEyesOnly’s submission hit next—and of course, it came with a $500 tip before you even clicked on the message. The sight that hit your eyes made you choke a little on your own spit.
Of course he sent multiple angles—three, actually. You picked your favorite: a half-reclined shot on luxurious navy bedding, torso lit with just the right amount of golden light. He was toned, lean muscle over abnormally long limbs, subtle abs. A soft trail of white hair led down to a perfectly girthy cock, mid-stroke—maybe just under eight inches, thick enough to stretch you open. His other hand was holding a handwritten sign: “Good enough for you?” “Oh, SixEyesOnly, absolutely.” You spoke to yourself whilst your eyes remained glued to your laptop screen. Saved. Then—unsurprisingly unhinged—daddyissuez.
“i jerked off right before i took this and got hard again just thinking about fucking you.”
And the photo… Jesus. The photo was taken in low lighting, like a scene from a noir porno. He was sitting wide-legged on a leather couch that looked like it needed replacing, legs thick and powerful, thighs dusted with black hair. His chest was solid, scars faintly visible across his abs and ribs. You closed your eyes for a second and tilted your head up to your ceiling in a silent ‘thank you’ before looking back down at the image. His cock was huge, just like the rest of him. Probably just shy of nine inches, you couldn’t keep your eyes off it. Balls heavy. Tip already glossy with precum. One hand gripped the base. The other rested lazily on his thigh like he was used to being admired. With a cock like that you couldn’t blame him. Saved. OfficeAfterHours was, predictably, meticulous. His message read like an email you’d get from someone managing your retirement plan, if that person also wanted to bend you over a desk.
“Apologies for the delay. Here’s my formal submission. Discretion guaranteed. Let me know if you'd like a second angle.”
Shot in high-resolution against crisp black sheets, his body was a symphony of intention. Broad shoulders, narrow waist, abs that looked like they’d been sculpted from marble. Not huge, but built like someone who took care of himself for discipline, not vanity. A thin trail of blonde hair led down to a cock that was gorgeous—perfect shape, thick but not excessive, probably seven inches on the dot, with veins that begged for attention. Trimmed. Clean. You could almost imagine his voice saying something like, “Breathe through it, sweetheart. You’re doing so well.” A weird sound came out of your mouth in excitement from your own fantasy. Saved.
You were already overstimulated and halfway folded into your sheets when the final message hit.
KingOfRot.
You hovered over it for a second like it might bite. Which was ironic, considering he probably would. He was always the most feral in chat—filthy, relentless, tipping like his wallet had a death wish.
You clicked.
Instant regret. Instant need.
The photo looked like it had been taken during a crime.
Bathroom mirror. Harsh yellow light. Shirt pushed up to his collarbones, muscles tensed like he’d been fucking someone just before he snapped the photo. Chest broad. Arms thick. Veins roped down to his forearms. Stomach lined with clean muscle. Ink everywhere—heavy black bands around his biceps, tattoos sharp and ceremonial-looking across his chest and stomach like a ritual.
And then his cock.
You actually flinched at the offensive monster staring right back at you through the screen. Long. Thick. Too thick. Heavy. Veins running down the shaft like it had a pulse, flushed red like it had been hard for too long. The kind of cock you’d have to apologize to your body after taking. You didn’t even want to hazard a guess at the size.
He wasn’t even touching it. It was just there holding its own weight up like a pole rather than a piece of actual flesh.
But what got you, what really made your stomach drop, was the tattoos.
They were familiar.
You’d seen them before.
There was a guy on campus—tall, smug, terrifyingly hot in the way that sent your libido into a frenzy—who had tattoos just like that. You’d seen him walking out of the athletics building once, sweatpants slung low and his shirt mysteriously missing, laughing like he knew every secret in the world. He had loudly shouted “What!?” at you when you had stared for a little longer than needed. Embarrassingly seared into your memory for that exact reason.
You squinted.
“Nope,” you muttered. “No. Not connecting the dots. That’s above my pay grade.” Surely it couldn’t be the same guy, right? The tattoos were probably, like, one of those trends that everyone was getting. That's what you were telling yourself at least.
You were about to save the photo when you finally looked at the caption.
“Pick me. I’ll fuck you so hard your ancestors will feel it. You’ll be a fucking shrine by the time I’m done.” Was that a death threat? Probably. Should you block him? Probably. “Ancestors. Okaaaaay.” You nodded your head slowly as if he was across from you saying it with a gun pointing at you.
And then you saved it. Of course you did. Then flopped onto your back, one arm flung over your face, trying to mentally prepare for the chaos you had just invited into your life. All at the right price of course. “Thank you to whoever is listening for blessing me with viewers that are hotter than the guys I have wilfully hooked up with for free.” You spoke to your ceiling, a common theme nowadays. Seven men. Seven bodies. Seven chances to let your subscribers watch you get absolutely wrecked on camera.
Your legs were trembling from what you decided was mostly horniness.. and a little bit of fear for your own pussy by the time you shut your laptop fully. Friday couldn't come soon enough.
Now, the real question was - who would you choose first?
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god going on a date with johnny whom you matched on tinder and he's the type of guy you avoid like the plague; jaw-dropping good looks, cheeky ㅤㅤsmiles, hits the gym more in a week than you've done all year and worst of all, could charm the pants off a snake.
so it's truly no wonder that you end up letting him bury his face between your thighs and lap at your glistening sex until your moans almost turn into screams and you haven't even left the bar's driveway, then left to watch johnny wipe the condensation off the windshield with a spare shirt so he can drive you home all the while his chin drips with your slick.
he fucks you against the front door once inside, legs hooked over his arms, then again over your couch, hand curled around your throat, and again, in front of your full length mirror while he tells you how pretty you look taking all of him, to look at how pretty you look, his crystalline eyes latching onto yours through the reflection, pretty as a peach.
then he leaves you with his spend sticking your thighs together, a languid kiss that tastes of you, and with his personal number on a scrap piece of paper.
and that's the last you hear of him. he'd said that he's quite a busy man, military and whatnot, and all in all, while you'd raked your nails down his back on the first date, it had been a date. you require more than good sex to get into a committed relationship.
a swipe of your thumb brings up tinder again, and you match with another bloke not your type. big, broad man, biceps the size of your thighs with a deadpan stare that sees right through false bravado. but he's doesn't seem to care in the slightest that he makes you nervous, doesn't care that you stutter out responses to his rather abnormal questions.
simon takes you home and sits eerily silent with his hands dwarfing the steering wheel as you chew on your lip before tentatively inviting him in for a nightcap, and you must be the luckiest person on the planet because he's just as devoted to your pleasure as your last partner.
he brings you peak after peak with his tongue, his fingers, swirls your pearl with the tip of his misaligned nose. then he lets you be on top first, concentration knitting your brows togethee as you try to fit all of him in and pride warms your cheeks when you can hear his teeth audibly grind as his fingers bite into the soft of your waist once you take him to the root, thighs flush against his hips.
you come undone more times than you can count, the neighbors more than likely knowing his name by the time he walks out the front door (after checking the locks on your windows) and that's that.
until it isn't because a text from johnny awakens your phone screen, an invite to a restaurant downtown next saturday, one you've only ever fancied of eating at and well-
a date is a date, isn't it?
you tell him to pick you up at seven and he tells you to wear something you wouldn't mind letting him keep underneath, preferably something in red. (must've seen that particular number while you looked for some sleeping shorts before he left that night.)
hopefully you won't feel too bad breaking things off with whoever doesn't ask you to be theirs first.
(simon and johnny fuck each other to the thought of you back at base, simon's fist viciously tight around johnny's cock as he's got him drooling into the flattened pillow, almost like she's fucking you too, eh, johnny?)
#the prompt was you having sex with them and worrying about how to keep them unaware of each other#meanwhile they're in cahoots baby#two peas in a pod#ghoap x reader#ghoap x female reader#ghoap x you#cod smut#simon ghost riley x reader#johnny soap mactavish x reader
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one time the silt verses said “you can never really overreact to a parent; you’re just yelling back through the decades making up for lost time”
and i literally had to pull my ass over while driving to jot that shit down
and i’ve been thinking A Lot about my dad lately and i put on my next episode in my silt verses relisten today and, coincidentally, encountered that quote Again
and i’m just. over here Dwelling. pls don’t contact.
#it’s just sad#i’ve not been home a lot and thus not interacted with him a lot#and i’ve had like. an abnormal ratio of normal-to-pleasant interactions with him lately.#which always makes me prone to forget how awful he is 🫤#it’s just so hard when i see like#glimmers of a better person in him#the other night i passed him in the kitchen and he looked at me and said ‘it’s good to have you home. the house feels more complete#when you’re here.’ and it sounded. earnest.#and sometimes i look at him or hear him and he just seems so Tired. lonely.#and i think about how hard it must be to live in a house full of people. your literal family. who Do Not Like You#who avoid you as much as possible.#and at the same time it’s just#he alienated ALL of us. we’ve all tried so hard#i’ve s e e n it. i’ve done it!#in my bones i do not believe that he is a safe person to be around and i don’t think he Can be without significant reflection#and probably professional help. and he has no interest in that.#but it’s just sad.#to have moments where i see the kind of dad he Could have been#and i have such like#guilt? regret? over the fact that i have never actually Told Him#that i’m making the choice not to be around him and why#like i’m denying him the chance to change. or something.#and at the same time i just. do not trust him to do anything but. at best. ignore it. and at worst use it to be cruel.#i don’t know life is just sad sometimes#and i keep having dreams about yelling at him and telling him what a bad father he is and i Know that what i want is for him to acknowledge#me and the way i feel and. he never does. and every time i wake up feeling helpless and small.#and that is exactly what i hope to never receive from him again
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I feel like this casts the euphemism treadmill as just people generally trying to be polite, and sure in the cases of the history of words like toilet, but moving past words like the r-slur was usually pushed by a lot of advocacy. People were made uncomfortable by using words like moron for intellectual disabilities because people forced them to be. Sure, I don't know how many people see Ctrl+F replacing a word as Fixing Ableism, but there are clearly connotations and methods of use to words like the r slur that don't get applied to other words like silly; even if the person using it doesn't "use it that way," people have fraught histories with the terms and, y'know, people will feel sensitive about the word yelled at them when they were beat up after school for having a wheelchair.
Besides, terms like mentally subnormal reflect psychiatric theories at the time which we know now to be false. R----- (in most contexts besides insults) doesn't make as much sense without it's helping words "severly" et al., replacement terms like high support needs are more precise and reflect more current understanding. It's a euphemism treadmill as much as the move from Nous to Newtons was a euphemism treadmill for energy.
One of the things they went over when I took linguistics was the "euphemism treadmill", the tendency of initially-clinical or neutral words to undergo pejoration to the point that someone felt the need to replace the pejorated word with one that was clinical or neutral. And then of course the process of pejoration would start again.
The best example of this were words related to what we now call intellectual disability. In the past, "idiot", "simpleton", "moron", "feeble-minded", and "imbecile" were all relatively clinical terms. (This is one of those things that's often repeated, but if you go looking at newspapers from the 1920s, you do kind of wonder whether the negative connotations were just completely acceptable then, especially when they're talking about the successes of sterilizing the feeble-minded.)
The reason that pejoration happens is that while the word changes, the societal attitude toward the underlying thing most often does not, and so if they change the word and declare that this new word is totally neutral, then society's negative view is just going to keep making those words take on bad connotations. This will happen even with the most anodyne descriptions, like "mentally handicapped", which Google will inform you with a little warning is offensive and dated.
The linguistics class I took in the early 2000s spent a little time on the word "retarded", which by then was well on its way to complete pejoration (federal law was changed in 2010, from "mental retardation" to "intellectual disability"), but had not reached the point when it was "the r-slur". If I recall correctly, this was when "mentally handicapped" was still relatively in vogue, and sitting in that classroom I had thought that "retard" was going to go the way of "moron", a word that was used exclusively in a disparaging way. I thought it would be about as acceptable as calling someone an imbecile, I guess, which is impolite but which doesn't rise to the level of "slur".
But no, I was wrong. The euphemism treadmill will probably continue because we have not done anything about the underlying condition (that people with intellectual disabilities are less valued and looked down on), but "retard" has now become a slur, even if every other fucking word for low intelligence is still in common use as a disparagement.
It's wild how much you can see people dancing around this. I said above that Google gives an "offensive and outdated" tag to the term "mentally handicapped", but they also give that to "retarded". However, if you go to "imbecile" they don't give that tag. To save you the trouble of looking it up:
noun: imbecile; plural noun: imbeciles
a stupid person.
archaic a person of low intelligence.
Ah, lovely. So it's okay, because it just means "a stupid person", it used to mean "a person of low intelligence", but it doesn't mean that any more, so ... not offensive, I guess?
Except hold on, what does "stupid" mean again?
adjective: stupid; comparative adjective: stupider; superlative adjective: stupidest
having or showing a great lack of intelligence or common sense.
Oh, okay, I see. So in the archaic sense "imbecile" meant a person of low intelligence, but now it means a person who has a lack of intelligence. Totally different, very understandable. Nevermind that "imbecile" was pejorated in the same way that "retard" was, and that using a negative word to refer to someone who is lacking intelligence is basically the same thing.
I think if you want to fight against the pejorative use of the word "retard", you should probably be fighting against a lot more words, and you should definitely be fighting against the societal view that people with lower intelligence are lesser. You can fight the language issue all you want, but it's just going to lead to more cycles of pejoration. There's no way that switching over to saying "person with a learning disability" (as it seems the UK bureaucrats now favor) is going to somehow end it.
Personally, I'm the kind of person who just goes with the flow. I think people with intellectual disabilities are just as much people as anyone else, deserving of care and compassion, but I also value intelligence at least as much as my surrounding society does, and while I do make attempts to temper my language, saying that an idea is stupid rather than casting contempt on a person who is stupid, that's a mighty fine line to tow, and ... people just don't care. If I call a politician a moron, no one will bat an eye. I will refrain from saying the r-word, because people get mad at you when you do that. I think if I got hit in the head tomorrow and became intellectually disabled, I would be more or less happy with this.
I don't have a strong principled stance, more a stance of "come on, what are we doing here". Euphemism treadmill goes brrrr, language gonna language, I just wish the whole linguistic and social process didn't feel like some out of control machine that wasn't actually doing anything for anyone, and that people would pay more attention to the underlying mechanisms for how/why pejoration actually works. Changing the word is not going to usher in an era of understanding and equality, we've proven that, haven't we?
#this is where I am gonna get a little emotional but like There Is a Reason for it people have their reasons for fighting for it#and sure it gets an abnormal amount of attention over other advocacy just because it's easier to make a theatre of the whole thing#a lot of people have PR reasons to be the person smilingly signing in Rosa's Law while ignoring say the infinite problems with SSDI#besides like#mini point but I've seen posts like this before and this whole laundry list of terms reflect centuries of changing language#i feel like the average person has maybe lived through 1-2 term changes#which feels on par for when we stopped calling#i don't know there are a billion terms we use that grandma and grandpa wouldn't pick any one#AHA a davenport#that shit is a sofa
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There’s a post floating around about how Zuko not telling the Gaang how he got his scar reflects him “taking accountability” for his actions, instead of manipulating them by guilt-tripping them and placing responsibility onto Ozai, his adult abuser.
There are some replies to it pointing out that in general Zuko tends to not be manipulative (or lie) even when it would serve him, and explanations offered for this ranging from the Watsonian (largely “he’s autistic” and variants thereupon) to the Doylist (“he’s being narratively contrasted with very manipulative Azula”). Some other comments about him not wanting to share private trauma with people he doesn’t know well.
But in this particular case I don’t actually think it’s any of that, really, from Zuko’s point of view, because the most fundamental thing of it is that he’s an abused kid.
People don’t tend to appreciate how much growing up surrounded by the language of abuse, and/or in a culture of abuse (as Zuko was - dozens of people saw Ozai burn him, and none objected), affects you. It’s not just about the trauma directly. It’s about being forcibly taught that this is normal and deserved to the degree that you genuinely don’t realize most of the world doesn’t.
It’s about casually mentioning things about your childhood and everyone responding with shock and horror, and you being confused, because you had no idea that was yet another thing about your life that wasn’t normal. It’s about how you eventually realize you just can’t talk about the first couple decades of your life at all without being accused of trauma-dumping and guilt-tripping and manipulation, being punished again for failing to protect others from the discomfort of hearing second-hand about something you had to live through with a child’s body.
And the thing is? Zuko isn’t at that last sentence’s point yet, when we see him with the Gaang. He’s before that, at the “does not yet realize this isn’t normal” point. We know this, because of how he responds to Iroh at the end: kneeling in front of him waiting for punishment. He doesn’t think abuse is abnormal; he thinks it’s a natural and deserved response to his poor behavior, so thoroughly that he believes even Iroh would do it. All the way to the end of the show! (After he’s had any opportunity to say anything to the Gaang!)
Whether he would choose to explain his scar to the Gaang if he knew it would make them like/forgive him is a moot point. He had no idea that it would. With his frame of reference, he assumed their reactions would be somewhere in the range of “yeah, why are you whining about something that normal and mundane, I don’t bore you with stories of how Gyatso used airbending to punish me” to “dang, how badly did you fuck up to deserve that? you must be even worse a person than we realized” to “he went easy on you and should’ve done worse”.
It would never occur to him to share the scar story to get the Gaang to like/forgive him, because he has no way to know that they would react with shock and horror instead of dismissal or putting even more blame on him.
#avatar the last airbender#atla#zuko#abuse tw#child abuse tw#mine#I am trying very hard to be restrained here but I had to delete a Lot
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I write my in depth thoughts about my brain for 18 paragraphs:
Okay, so... The other day I was thinking about the casual thought I’ve always had that I probably just live each day more or less understimulated. I was sort of aware that daredevils etc tend to have something like that which is what can lead to thrill seeking, so I never thought a lot about it. Like maybe it had autism link, idk. But I realized ‘hm, that’s actually kind of a specific thing to experience’ so was googling around This one thing that I found, which idk if it comes out of any research or just pure personal observation But it’s been stuck in my mind a bit Basically was putting ‘boredom’ as having 3 potential causes (if chronic?)
Keeping self from accessing emotions
Keeping self from having wants/desires (as a whole)
Understimulated, nothing new
And I pretty much fit all three in a sort of overwhelming way. The main issue being idk how to live without these things. So I’m going to go into excessive detail about it.
I think my biggest issue is the shut in thing, of course. I think a lot of the symptoms I have would be greatly reduced if not for that, and I’m planning to do what I can to help with it once it’s warmer out.
However, a lot of this started long before I was a shut in too, and it absolutely lines up with these things. That’s why I’m somewhat okay if this is just an observation vs super substantiated. It is like..... I have literally built the core of who I am around these things wjdnsjdjx
To me, the idea of doing literally anything that causes someone even momentary discomfort was always sort of unbearable. And the fact this little blurb mentioned that communicating your needs etc was important just
Hate that.
Don’t know if I can do that
The idea that existence necessitates inconveniencing and agitating others is something I really can’t handle.
To some degree I can handle if someone is annoyed with just who I am or whatever, because that’s all very passive
But if I say something that causes them to feel negatively, then I’ve just committed something quite bad. I know since I was probably like 4, I had this intense desire not to burden anyone I can’t really remember anything that lead me to conclusions about it, just that I remember having amnesia at the time Waking up and thinking ‘I can’t remember anything that came before today’
I doubt anything that bad happened, but I kind of spiral about things, so I imagine I probably overheard something and just who knows
But unconfirmed, it’s just my best guess
From this desire has essentially grown the fact I really refuse to communicate preferences about things. If something bothers me, I really don’t like to talk about it, particularly with offending parties
If I tell someone they did something that bothered me, they’ll feel bad or something, maybe even become self conscious
And for what? Something I can theoretically get over? Or even for something that shouldn’t bother me? If I do those things, I’m the offending party I hadn’t really realized it before now, but I guess ultimately I kind of just removed my ability to want many things
People often ask my preference on things and I just literally can’t generate one most the time
Thinking about communicating these kinds of things is actually impossible feeling. I’m not a very sympathetic person or anything, I feel guilt so rarely I often have trouble thinking of any time within recent years I did
Yet even so, I am /so/ very adverse to hurting anyone in these kinds of ways I think it has seemed like sin for a long time for me but beyond that, I don’t like the idea of changing how people act either. The unintended consequences will come back around and make it worse for me ultimately Which also I guess is not dissimilar to how I worsened cutting out my emotions.
While of course I always would reprimand myself for wanting things that involved someone else needing to change as like selfish and all that
And that they were 100% fine in what they were doing, and that wanting anything else was abhorrent of me
It’s also like Wanting was one thing, but emotions that came out of that were even more evil So if you’re told ‘no’ for something and feel sad about it: that’s evil. That's wrong. They have a right to say no and therefore being sad about it is infringing on them, is lacking gratitude, and shows selfishness etc. If they knew you were sad you’d be guilting them which is also evil because then they have to feel bad also
So generally in my youth I trained myself out of these kinds of responses through self bullying and such. I haven’t resorted to that since hs probably But even up to recently, I realize I kind of came to hate things like ‘hope’. Eagerness and excitement. I’ve always driven myself to accept what I get and try to never ask for more. So acceptance of circumstances is generally second nature to me now. Be content in all circumstances. Which is to say, the idea that something could improve causes me considerable pain. Because it won’t improve. As far as things involving other people go, they simply never have improved. So holding onto the idea that they could just hurts a lot more than accepting this is the way things are.
Honestly getting excited for anything is just waiting for punishment. There is nobody in my life who is particularly reliable Not in the ways that do anything but disappoint where ‘excitement’ is concerned anyways. I know I very often have thought ‘that’s what you get for being excited’ when inevitably things fail to happen. As far as my memory goes, the ratio is quite literally 100% on the things I get excited for not happening Now we know this is faulty because I have emotional amnesia, so if it was ever fulfilled, I wouldn’t remember it. It’s only because I think verbally about disappointment that it is able to be remembered
Even so, I don’t love how often it happens even with mostly cutting out feelings like ‘excitement’ from most of my life by now
But you literally can’t tell people this. Nobody is really to blame for intentionally causing harm, so what? Cause pain by saying it sucked? I don’t see it as good. It can’t change anything, it can only make things worse. I realize by now my view of myself is essentially that of a liability. Can’t cause good in others, but can absolutely cause harm. I was in the pit again on the topic not that long ago, but God again saved me from committing to self isolation further
I still don’t fully know what good I’ll be to anybody, but God communicated to keep trying, so I guess He might still do something through me, so why not
This does not however fill me with motivation to communicate wants with people. This does not fill me with motivation to be vulnerable. Because there is no risk reward about it. There is a 0% chance of reward. It is all pain. Essentially what I would stand to gain if I ever healed my emotional weirdness is that maybe I could like things again, or form opinions about preference better It essentially isn’t a great deal in my mind. Trade out general contentment to be hurt repeatedly (and go to sin out of that) I can’t really do much about my environment either. Conflicting needs suck.
My parents are going like blind and deaf, so there’s nothing for it, but it’s like All the lights outside of my room are now painful to be around for very long. Everything got painted white so it also reflects way harder (and in general is ugly). Fridge now has blinding lights in it so I can’t see the top shelf All the devices are so loud and generally unpleasant noises
The shut in stuff has made me more sensitive to the sounds of survival like breathing and eating and so on, so that I can’t really stand being in the same room as people very often
And I can hear so much from across the house and I do what I can to drown it out, but I’m sure these measures are offensive
The temperature is always bad and uncomfortable I wait for summer just so I can sit outside basically all day because it’s a lot more livable vs inside
Food stuff keeps leaning to a lot of things that disgust me compared to before. It’s like I still consider my living situation very fortunate and stuff, and a lot of generosity has been extended to me
But it’s something that impacts every day and I have to monitor everything. I can’t be in the same room with people. If not for the sounds then for the lights, I have to carefully listen around to see if people are in the other rooms before I can plan out what I might do People tend to find it all funny.
It isn’t funny
I don’t like how people dismiss me now I don’t like how people don’t believe me now I’ve idly complained about some things, but am I going to make issues out of these things? No. It’s not my house. These things make it so other people can function. I can’t actually change peoples views of me, I can only make them see me as a nuisance, a killjoy, weak
The things that are known like me having to check silverware for several minutes to find something I’m willing to eat with are just things to view me as less for
Why would I talk about it If I tell people that things bother me, I become someone dangerous. I become a risk. Maybe even worse is becoming a novelty
Being bothered by things, to me, seems immoral I’ve put in a lot of work to never be bothered
And the thing I never admit to is that yes. It does apply to everyone. A good 70% of the standards I have for myself I do have for others too. But I can’t be mad at people for not getting it right, so generally I have instead considered that this puts more responsibility on me: someone who can actually handle things
This is of course not fair to people, but like.... it is what it is. And obviously, other people having so much more emotional needs and so many more problems and trauma and grief and (nobody is ever okay) means that I am even further a liability. I can’t afford to have problems or talk about issues (caused by them) because I will put someone over the edge and never know it.
But don’t worry, I also can’t help anyone.
And don’t worry there’s no hope anyways.
Nothing. Changes. For. The. Better.
Acceptance is the only way, except I’m the only one who can come to terms with any of it. Nobody else will or can. So how am I meant to tell anybody anything. How can I afford to let myself feel anything when there’s really never going to be a safe outlet for that. I’m still unclear, but I think probably most of this is something like OCD but idk how to view anything much diff
And the understimulated thing: obviously being shut in. Easy. I don’t challenge myself much in general though, so I should probably do that at least
Anyways, I always say stuff like this on tumblr because I literally am not going to unload this toxic waste anywhere else. And I’ve already had forms of it sitting in my mind for like 15 years anyways. It will go out into the world Somewhere, so here is good. I think probably it would be right that dealing with these 3 things would be ideal to be able to feel stuff normally again but honestly The cost is steep I don’t really want to
I don’t really know if I can afford to
For sure none of it makes me like ~a better person~ I think most people would interpret this as me being worse if they read it through. It is nothing that new to me. I don’t fully get how other people go their whole lives thinking so diff honestly. I’d say good for them because in theory they will experience the fullness of life then, but honestly they seem a lot worse off
Church was interesting to me in that during the sermon, it was mentioned how we tend to try and do everything on our own power without relying on God etc
And for sure, I have that in the weight I put on my errors
It isn’t as though God doesn’t work through these things as well
It isn’t as though I really can be perfect
Of course if I think about praying directly on matters like this, it’s actually terrifying I don’t really trust my interpretation of the world to be so correct that I could determine this line of thinking was bad. I’d be wrong somehow. I’d be asking for something bad when this was actually the right thing. So mostly sticking to things like guidance and wisdom requests because God knows the answer (Surely everything always has just the 1) /s
#Vio's Personal#A novel by me#I'm fine. I just did not think any of this was abnormal so I reflect#I wrote it on Sunday but I'm at computer now jnejkrn
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#BUILD-A-BLOB !?
bad ☆ summary. good news? your nephew’s birthday gift to you definitely works. bad news? turns out to be a cranky four armed creature that nags at everything you do. good / bad news? he’s smokin’ hot and you wanna fuck him nasty. seriously, what the fuck.
cw. explicit content. foul language. monsterfūcking. blobkuna to true form!kuna. double penetration. anāl. deepthroăting. cunningūlus. pūssy slapping. bāckshots. belly bulge. creāmpie. degradation (he calls you mean things) overstimulation. dumbification. mentions of drug usage. sukuna speaks like he has a stick up his ass. pōrn without plot. 4.4k words.
rena’s ☆ note. guys i’m giggling so hard at the gif HELP

“the fuck are ya starin’ at?”
technically speaking, you think you’re looking at a seven foot monster with more arms than you can count, more mouths than necessary and much more tattoos than you can see. just a minute ago, this entity had been an ugly formless blob with a singular eye and bucked teeth that sat against your window, forming incoherent sentences as “me want water”, “me need light” or your personal favorite, “me want you to fuck off”.
you’d left to check on your plants momentarily, coming back to your living space to find that the blob had transformed into a . . . human? something along the word that you use very loosely.
he stands tall and proud and very naked— though unimpressed, toned arms crossed and ass cheeks facing the world outside. you can see the reflection of his clenched buns through the glass and— is that a fucking tramp stamp?
“i’m thinking. . . what used to be my birthday gift,” you answer slowly, brows pinched in confusion as your head tilts. it’s below you, sure, but you can’t help staring at what’s below him. surely it’s the weed catching up to you because there’s no way that, “is that— holy shit, is that two dicks?”
“perverted woman,” the man (question mark) clicks his tongue, as if he isn’t the one dressed in his birthday suit, asshole bearing for pedestrians outside to file public indecency on you. “your reaction suggests you’ve never witnessed the presence of two at once.”
“well. . . no,” he stares at you as if you’re the one with four arms and abnormally long legs. you crouch down, index finger scratching at the corner of your mouth to analyze it some more. you were curious, nothing more! you feel the multitude of his eyes trailing your movements, daring you to proceed forward. he truly doesn’t know you.
they stack atop one another, though both sizes are nothing to scoff at. packing in both girth and length, they stand tall and semi hardened, with curves to the right. he’s got prominent veins running all over his skin, mushroom tips an angry shade of reddish brown. frowning, you peek your head lower to confirm following suspicions,
his tone is rough along the edges, “i do not possess four testicles.” damn it.
“boo, you suck,” you sigh, indeed disappointed by the confirmation. you’d think a monster with monstrous limbs and monstrous cocks would own monstrous balls. “whatever.” you stand back up on your feet, though you’re met with hard ripples of glistening abs.
“so like,” you pause, now shamelessly staring at his torso with shimmering eyes. he’s ripped with an eight pack, waist snatched like a motherfucker and skin inked like a colouring book. “what do i call you?”
you think you hear him chuckle, “how foolish,” a mouth then appears on his stomach, to which you jerk back from how sudden it was. your brows jump to your hairline, eyes widening as teeth bare at you menacingly. “it is common decency to introduce yourself firsthand. have you no manners in the presence of a king?”
“a who?” you squawk, overwhelmed by the intensity of the situation. this four-armed freak was a king? from where exactly? you shake your head, as if to turn off your inner monologues and quiet the voices down, “right, right. erm, you can call me y/n.”
he repeats your name slowly, followed by a deep chuckle. the rumble of your name against his voice sends a weird tingle down your gut, as you crane your neck upwards to finally look him in the face.
you gulp. damn it, he was attractive all around. though morally questionable, you found his features dashing. sure, there was the weird thing stuck in the side of his face that resembled a mixture of flesh and wood. and yeah, he had an additional set of slender eyes. however, his facial harmony somehow blended perfectly. his facial structure was sharp all around, from his nose bridge to his jawline, and his ears with pierced.
what more could anybody want?
blame it on the sativa or the fact you hadn’t been fucked in a while, but it was your birthday and you want your birthday gift, damn it. there shouldn’t be anything wrong with that— the pulsing at your core had your thighs rubbing together subtly (you hoped) (he smirked when he noticed your legs shifting) (fuck, he already knows).
“you will address me as sukuna, mortal.” he says instead, one of his arms mounting to grasp at a piece of your hair. he’s beefy, big biceps surrounding your peripherals as they flex hard. he twirls your hair between his fingers, and shit, you’re gonna need his nail technician’s reference.
“you talk like you have a stick up your ass,” your voice sounds distant, as distracted as you are, perverted eyes trailing to follow the bulging of his muscles. even his forearm is sexy, a large vein running course beneath his skin amongst others. “you ask for my name and choose to call me mortal? corny.”
“i am not a product of this time,” he riddles, tugging at the strand in his hold. the searing pain of his tug at your hair has you moaning— in agony or pleasure, who truly knows— and before you know it, he spreads the rest of his large fingers at your scalp, “you say i speak as if i have a stick up my ass,” shivers run down your spine when his fingernails scratch at your head, “but really it is you who wants my stick up yours, huh?”
you blink. how the fuck did he know? “th-that’s not even remotely true—”
“do not lie,” another arm lifts to cup at your face. his index rests beneath your jaw as his thumb sits at your chin. you feel the sharp edges of his nails grazing at your skin, “your scent is rather . . . pungent.”
you feel heat quickly spread to your cheeks and your panties effortlessly dampening. he smirks, dipping his thumb into your parted mouth, before scrunching his nose into a whiff, “ah, there it is again.”
the pad of his thumb swipes against your bottom lip, skin collecting your saliva before rubbing the fluid all over your mouth. you feel the tip of his nail poking into the flesh, and your brows furrow, “and you called me the perverted one.”
“that remains true.” another— jeez, how many more— arm snakes at your waist. it creeps below your shirt and sits at your bare skin, a touch so warm it sends jolts of electricity across your limbs. his hand rests at your lower belly, and when a wet tongue drags itself across your sensitive skin, you clamp your lips down around his thumb in a whimper, “you’re an obedient one. i think i’ll have fun with you.”
your brows furrow as your cunt clenches. his smirk deepens and, fuck you really need to stop doing that, “have fun with me?”
“it has been a while since i’ve fooled around with a mortal,” he hums, slipping his thumb out of your mouth. there’s a thin string of saliva connecting from your lips to his fingertip, and you hate how you already crave the salty flesh back in your mouth. “let us see just how weak the human body truly is.”
somewhere along the lines, you find yourself on your knees in your living room, carpet digging into your kneecaps as your fingers interlock at your back. your jaw aches, to the point of snapping as two fat cocks shove themselves down your throat. you breathe through your nostrils as your mouth is clearly occupied, fat tears dotting at your lash line and dribbles of saliva slipping past your lips and down his cocks.
two of his hands grasp at your head as leverage, hips thrusting up and down your throat. the gags that escape you are pornographic, throat muscles clenching around the intrusion. fuck, the strong musk of his pubic hairs cloud your senses and overwhelm your mind— driving you dizzy in arousal.
“loosen up yer throat,” sukuna commands, though you find it contradictory as another one of his abnormally large hands wrap themselves around your throat. he presses just lightly, as if to trace over the bulge of his dicks inside of you, but the lack of oxygen has your body liquifying in heat. you think you see stars, and your pupils start to dilate. “c’mon mortal, don’t pass out on me now— we’ve only just begun.”
easy for you to say, you roll your eyes, though complying to his orders. shit, it’s really hard to breathe but you can’t deny you love how objectifying all of this feels. bounding your own hands back, kneeled in front of this king, hair grouped up in one hand to tug onto. he was using you as if you were merely a toy for his own pleasure, mushroom tips repeatedly abusing the walls of your throat.
your cunt clenches around air, gushing more of your essence against the flimsy material of your panties. his stomach clenches tightly, as do his thigh muscles, the embodiment of man in front of you, destroying your throat.
fuck, your clit throbs.
the king coos at you degradingly, ruby eyes narrowing down at your figure, “awnn, ‘s it too much for ya?” you feel a wad of spit land on your cheek, and despite the nastiness of the actions, the filthiness has you clenching your thighs together. of course he finds pleasure in your desperation, leaning back further into the couch to cock his head at you, “humpin’ on yerself like a desperate slut beggin’ for a proper dicking. how pathetic,”
you nod your head eagerly, as your mouth fails to express just how badly you do want him. he’s so deep down your throat, you swear you feel him near your heart. the sting at your scalp plus the lack of oxygen and your need to have him stuff you full drives you wild with want— so desperate that tears leak through your eyes, stream down your cheeks and land right at his dicks.
“mhm, i’ll take care of ya,” sukuna cuts himself off with a deep groan, sliding further down into his seat. he shifts his hips deeper down your throat, and you gag terribly loud, “you hungry, mortal? open wide and, fuck, take what i give ya—” another grunt leaves him, and as does thick ropes of cum do.
your eyes widen as you’re greeted with hot cum shooting down your throat. it’s creamy, thick and so, so much of it that you’re certain swallowing it all would be impossible. your cheeks hollow as you attempt in your best efforts to gulp him down, the flavour of salty semen bursting at your taste buds.
“greedy bitch,” he chuckles through a moan, grinding his hips in rotations as he rides down the high. sweat dribbles down the crevices of his abs, stomach clenching hard as he empties his balls in you. “thaaat’s it—shit, not fuckin’ bad.”
when he finally pulls out, you gasp loudly for the sweet air you had been deprived of. your body trembles as you release your own hold, hands flying up to grasp at his thick thighs. your fingernails scrape at his skin as your chest heaves.
“y’re so,” you pant, and you can barely register how broken your voice sounds. did his cocks destroy your vocal chords already? “y’re so fuckin’. . . mean.”
“too much?” sukuna cackles, though he’s nowhere near sounding apologetic. his fingers cupping your face swipe at fallen tears on your cheeks. at the feel of a wet tongue licking at your damp skin, you pout in retaliation, brows furrowed and swollen lips puckered, “better get it together, ‘m gonna stretch that pussy out.”
damn it— he had such a way with words. you subconsciously lean your cheek further into his touch, and the grin he gives you is barbaric, “face down, ass up.”
so yeah, you find yourself with your cheek pressed into the softness of your couch, hips pulled up and thighs spread as sukuna feasts. the panties you once wore stuffed in your mouth, they muffle the wanton sounds that rip out your abused throat.
you feel his tongue lap at your folds hungrily, fingers spreading your pussy lips apart for better access. he tongue fucks into your hole, lips sucking and nibbling at your clit with precision. wet heat intrudes your insides and have your stomach tightening.
fingernails scratching at the couch, your back arches as you grasp at anything for support. having multiple mouths should be illegal— you feel tongues trailing all over your thighs and the dip in your back, you feel them rimming at your backside. you even think you feel one diving into your ass.
“mmph, m‘kunaaa!” you wail, toes curling as you push your hips further into his face. you’d never been eaten out as good as he is, nose deep in your cunt as your insides get devoured. you’re so overwhelmed— your puffy clit secreting essence as a slick tongue flicks at the bean.
a hand slaps once, twice at your ass as another pair of hands grip at your plush flesh. “shut th’fuck up,” he speaks into you, the vibrations of his voice sending shivers up your spine. you roll your eyes to the back of your skull, foot shaking uncontrollably. when the hands cupping at your breast begin tugging at your nipples, tongues flicking the stiff bud, you feel your dam erupt.
“mmfuuuuckkk!” you whine, as your cunt gushes in his face. he never lets up, tongue repeatedly scissoring your hole as he swallows your juices. you’re squirting so much it drips all over his face and down the suede couch, down your thighs. you think your soul had been taken by this damn near succubus with how long it takes for you to come back to your senses.
he pulls back with a nasty smack from his lips to your lower ones, using the back of his hand to wipe at any excess fluids, “sweet cunt,” he praises you, and you weakly whine, body drained of energy as you fall limp into the soaked couch. you’re out of it, bottom lip quivering as your limbs tingle in bliss— you feel your lids growing heavier by the second but sukuna is having none of that, “aht aht— where the fuck d’you think yer goin’?”
you feel pair of hands pull your hips back up and another grab a handful of your hair in a steady hold. you’re immediately pulled up on all fours, and you whimper at the firm blows he lands yet again on your ass.
he lifts himself on his knees, and you feel his hardnesses rub against the curve of your booty, “told you i was gon’ stretch this pussy out— ‘m a man of my fuckin’ word.” and shit, you think you push your ass back against his leaking cocks, dragging the beady fluids all over the softness of your skin.
your back arches sinfully as you spit out the soaked panties from your mouth and onto the floor. the slide of his dicks in between your thighs has your stomach heating in lust, the drags of his tips at your clit reenergizing you faster than you’d like to admit.
“mmhm, that’s it,” he grumbles into the supple skin at your neck, grazing his fangs teasingly at the flesh and his warm breath further dampening your skin. the large hands that cupped at your waist now lean you forwards against the arm of the couch, and you suddenly feel a lot of blood rushing to your brain. your arms feel weak as they support your body weight, your back arches like a cat and legs stretched out—
holy shit, are you hanging off the fucking couch?
“give up and you fall face first onto the damn floor,” the king cackles, as if the funniest joke in the world, as if your cunt wasn’t gushing your essence— begging to be filled and tore apart. your eyes widen comically as your knees buckle just slightly at the feel of his cock rubbing at your clenching hole, “try and keep up, mortal.”
sukuna grips at the base of his first dick, aligning it to your entrance. you hear him hiss as he collects your cum around the circumference of his tip, fingernails digging deep into your waist. fuck, that hurts so good. any further deeper and you’re certain he’d draw blood.
now, you were definitely no athlete the way he took his sweet time teasing you both. you had barely finished coming down from your previous orgasm, and with the excessive blood seeping into your brain, you felt yourself dizzying quicker than you’d anticipated, “kunaaa— hurry, i can’t hold out any longer— ngh fuuuck!”
your nails claw at the wooden floor when you felt him finally bottom out. holy fuck— how many inches was he packing? you could physically feel your pussy stretching out to his size, to accommodate to the intrusion of his ruthless cock into your tight hole. the sudden penetration hurt in a way that had your clit tingling, walls clamping down as if to seize him from moving any further.
“mortal,” he groans deeply, and there goes another spank at your ass. naturally, you clamp down harder. “quit— fuck, squeezin’ so tight. how the fuck am i s’posed to dick you down when you’re grippin’ me like a damn vice?”
“‘s too much!” you argue, though your hips roll around as if to adjust to his unreasonable size. you feel more tears flooding your eyes, and your core aches for a mean pounding. “just. . . gimme a minute,”
“a minute?” he repeats, though his tone is far from understanding. there’s a hint of mischievous dripping from words, and shit, he’s already pulling out. your cunt negates your words, desperately latching onto his length as if to reprimand him from exiting any more. he notices your contradiction, “doesn’t seem like yer pussy needs a minute. gotta tell you baby, i don’t like liars.”
your toes curl as he fucks himself back into you. the moan that rips from your throat is far beneath your ability to stop, and you squeeze your eyes shut. he repeatedly pounds into your cunt, the more the strokes, the deeper it goes. he may as well create an indent in your guts with how intense his thrusts are.
“hnng, ohmyfuckkk,” your back only arches further, the delicious burn of his dick stretching your velvet walls driving your mind delirious. his pace is insane— with every meet of his hips at your ass, you jerk forward, tits jiggling in the process. you feel hands spreading your cheeks for better access, alongside a wad of spit land at your cunt, sealed by a nice slap on your reddened ass.
he’s crushing your cervix. it hurts but you don’t want him to stop. it’s all too overwhelming— the repetitive slaps of his heavy balls at your sensitive clit, the way he digs himself deep into you, rolling his hips to reach all sensitive spots inside your spongy self. god, you can hear how sinful the point of contact between both your bodies as it echoes in the living room.
“creamy fuckin’ pussy,” sukuna grunts, tone so low you assumed he was more so speaking to himself. your wetness had submerged into a thick essence of cream around the base of his shaft, further easing the ruthless slides of his dick into your cunt. you don’t ignore how his second cock twitches against your asshole. “you tryna snatch my damn soul? tsk, greedy slut.”
your arms are giving out. your thighs burn and furthermore— your cunt aches, badly. he’s giving and giving, pounding so mercilessly into your pussy it was as if he were mad at you. you’d never been fucked so profoundly, his tip bullying into you so meanly with the additional mix of blood rushing into your head— fuck, you need a break.
still, sukuna seems two steps ahead of you, slithering an extra arm to your nape and gripping at your hair. two other hands drag your hips backwards in place, simultaneously pushing himself back where he’d once been— snug in the comfort of your warm pussy. “nah, nah, don’t you fuckin’ run away. fuckin’ take what i give you—” he holds you by the hips and lifts you up and down on his cock. you feel your feet leave the couch as a majority of the weight you held onto your palms were lifted. “this is what you wanted. mhm, be a good bitch and own up to your consequences.”
you’re babbling, the idea of you being a toy again for his use, the new angle of his cock protruding inside has drool dribbling down your chin and your eyes rolling to the back of your skull. “too d-deep, feel you in my— nghhh, h-heart.”
“‘s that so?” he chuckles heartily, and your mind is too numb to register the weird sting that grows at your forbidden zone. you’re too fucked out to notice what he has in store for you, “let’s double that shit. pierce right through yer mortal heart and mark it my territory.”
a sharp wail erupts, as you’re now filled to the brim with two girthy cocks. it’s an uncomfortable stretch in an area you were far from accustomed to, but in your current position, you’re nowhere near able to stop him. you’re not too sure you want him too— his cocks rubbing against the thin linen that separates your cunt to your ass.
holy fuck, your brain is turning into mush. he’s fucking into you like a madman— both your holes abused by the same pair of hips diving deep into your insides. your limbs feel numb, despite now being lifted into the air. he’s fucking manhandling you, hands holding all regions of your body still as he grinds his cocks in. what an out of body experience— head and tits jerking to the rhythm his hips set.
your guts are on fire, and you recognize this feeling all too well. the same one that has your eyes crossing to the centre of your face and your wet tongue lolling out of your mouth. your breaths are cut short, your tummy bulging into the shape of the king that’s taken control of your entire being.
holy shit.
“atta girl,” sukuna whistles when you spray him unexpectedly. your muscles clench as does your cunt and ass around his dicks, body trembling from an outwardly orgasm racking over you. sukuna never lets up, your crying only spurring him on more, “oh yeahhh, now that’s an ugly face. hah! turns me on.”
you’re snivelling, and you think you feel snot dripping down your nose. through the window where this creature was once an ugly form on nothingness, you watch your reflection. my goodness— how is he not stopping? you feel like you’re gonna die, your soul getting snatched from various regions, the repetitive strokes of his dicks at your most sensitive areas. holy shit, you’re gonna die.
“c’mon, entertain me some more,” he accentuates each word with powerful thrusts, and in return, receives splutters of more juices. you’re leaking like a damn faucet, dripping down your thighs and soaking your soiled couch. your fluids leak down to meet his pair of balls, now lubricated as they slap more intensely at your abused clit.
you’re left wordless. seriously, arms as limp as noodles as they hang to your side, head lolled forward. your mind feels so empty yet so full, the familiar pain of overstimulation now taking over your body. your muscles spasm violently around him, uncontrollably as sukuna takes and takes more of you.
“thankyouthankyouthankyou,” although not entirely sure what you’re thanking him for, the words slip past your kiss-bitten lips and into the thick air. you feel him press his own mouth at the column of your sweaty back, and your chants continue, “thankyouthankyou—”
“what an obedient lil thing,” sukuna coos, and you feel an extra tongue flick greedily at your tight bundle of nerve. your body begins to seize, stomach caving deeply in as you succumb to the pressure, “who’s my good bitch, hmm?”
“m-me.” you answer so weakly that it unsatisfies him. the tongue torturing your clit now bites down onto the bud and you cry out loudly. shit, you’re squirting again.
“i said,” he repeats himself with more finality. the wet squelching sounds of his cocks bullying at your holes overpower his own voice, and you can’t stop the shaking of your body. and with every pause, his cocks slam further and further in, “who’s. my. good. bitch.”
“meeee!” you hic, drool be damned as it seeps past parted mouth and down your throat. god, this was so above you and yet, here you were, getting fucked like your life depended on it. it hurts, hurts so good that you simultaneously want to push and pull from his embrace.
he holds you up higher, and your legs wrap around his waist with your back tucked into his chest. his hands slide from your waist to your inner thighs, now holding you tight against him. your head falls back onto his shoulder and in the midst of your daze, you feel a fingernail trailing down the slope of your neck.
“yeahhh,” he chuckles darkly, eyes narrowing onto your fucked out figure. his eyes then flick to the imprint of his cock penetrating at your belly, followed by the inconsistent tremors of your body. “‘s what i fuckin’ thought.”
somewhere along the line, you’re left boneless in his strong hold as he fucks and fucks and fucks. he’s everywhere at once, a presence so dominating that you’re left as if you have no other choice but to surrender. but that’s exactly all there is to it, no? a king using his pussy to his satisfaction.
“‘m gonna breed this slutty body full of my cum, make you mine. cause that’s all yer good for— ain’t that right baby?” you nod, because of course you do. he’s pounding some more and more, and the warmth that fills your belly to the brim is anything but surprising. he’s grunting in your ear, a string of profanities flowing into the air. he’s cumming so much from both cocks that it leaks past your bruised holes.
his hips roll some more, and both your cunt and ass clench around him greedily, milking him out for every drop he’s worth. he hums against your damp face, dragging the tip of nose through a multitude of fluids. you have a weak smile gracing your lips, and his arms tighten possessively around your tinier frame, “happy birthday indeed, mortal.”
oh my god, you’re gonna die.
. . .what the fuck did i just write.
#rena☆star.#fraudkuna core!#jjk smut#jujutsu kaisen smut#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#sukuna ryomen#sukuna ryomen smut#sukuna ryomen x reader#sukuna ryoumen x reader#sukuna ryoumen x you#sukuna ryoumen smut#sukuna smut#sukuna x you#sukuna x reader#sukuna x y/n
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