#every time id walk home from school as an 8 yo id be like Wow i wonder if my dads gonna kill mom and me today. like thats not what a childs

[cuntstable]

the whole feeling of ”i wasnt supposted to live this long” is fairly common with people whove grown up w various mental health problems like depression and suicidality etc etc. and i can definitely relate to that too but like theres something about like… when you grow up in a scary actively dangerous enviroment where you as a child are just actually fearing for your life on the regular, just expecting that one of these days youll die. and then that day just never comes, at least not until youre already an adult. its difficult to accept that youre alive! its so crazy i feel like ive been trying to adjust to Not Living In Mortal Fear for like over a decade now and it still feels strange. like its hard to plan for future and to believe in it but i guess i AM just happy to be alive and safe. that has to be enough too

[pennywise-chenle]

50 Questions Tag

Letsgetit✊🏼

1. What takes up too much of your time?

P: Watching kpop mvs, listening to kpop, watching kpop broadcasts, watching kpop interviews, watching kpop- yeah you get it

K: anything that isn’t productive tbh

2. What makes your day better?

P: If I get to eat dark chocolate🤤

K: nct 🤩 they’re such crackheads I love them (also when my friends hype me up)

3. What’s the best thing to happen to you today?

P: Pressed shuffle on my phone, the first song that came up was CLC’s No (it’s really good, highly recommend)

K: I ate two eggs

4. What fictional place would you like to go to?

P: Marvel or DC universe? But maybe just visit for like a week I don’t think I could handle a new super villain popping up every week

K: the Harry Potter verse,, wielding magic sounds pretty cool

5. Do you give good advice?

P: I think I do sometimes, but rarely do I ever actually listen to it

K: only when I’m knowledgeable about the topic/have experienced it before. Other than that no lol

6. Do you have a mental illness?

P: not one I am consciously aware of...

K: nope

7. Have you ever experienced sleep paralysis?

P: No, never

K: not that I remember.. I do however have a weird recollection of dreaming about bert and ernie from Sesame Street shuffling around my room when I was like 4 (lmao I just laid there in bed and watched them in the semi-darkness it was freaky)

8. What musician inspired you the most?

P: Oh god uh Sunmi because she is an artist in every sense of the word and Ateez’s Hongjoong because of his work ethic and dedication

K: this is going to sound weird but Johnny from nct. his confidence and perspective on life is something that I look up to and respect (also I feel like he’s pretty hardworking cause dam 9 years as a trainee)

9. Have you ever fallen in love?

P: with myself, love yourself babies you deserve it🥰😤✊🏼🌸

K: Me and wonhos man tiddies are in a very committed relationship rn

10. What’s your dream date?

P: Oh you know nice walk on a beach, watching movies cuddled up on a couch~

K: we’re def hitting the arcade, eating out at a nice restaurant, and if they’re also into art we could draw/paint together 🤩

11. What do others notice about you?

P: My hair and the way I look, I’ve been told (even by my own mother) that I look intimidating which I DONT GET

K: poeple comment on my deadpan humor 💪

12. What’s an annoying habit you have?

P: Procrastinating and then having to go to sleep later than I need to

K: turning off my alarm in the morning and oversleeping

13. Do you still talk to your first love?

P: Yeah- every morning in the mirror, late at night when the procrastination has become too much, etc

K: I’ve stopped playing otome games

14. How many exes do you have?

P: one

K: none 😎

15. How many songs are in your playlist?

P: I have one playlist and it currently has 416 songs in it

K: 716 (I also have only one playlist)

16. What instruments can you play?

P: I’m pretty good at playing the recorder

K: I used to play the flute and piano

17. What do you have the most picture of?

P: kpop memes :)

K: memes 😔

18. Where would you like to go before you die?

P: Greece, Australia, SoUtH KoReA

K: Japan, Maldives, Europe

19. What’s your Zodiac?

P: I’m living that Sagittarius life

K: Libra

20. Do you relate to it?

P: yes? But I’m also a cusp so I’ve been told that I have Scorpio qualities🦂

K: yeah but I’m not “social” I’m like the opposite of that

21. What is happiness to you?

P: We going✈️ deep hours -being content with where you are in the moment and being able to smile for any reason

K: unabashedly being yourself while doing things that you love

22. Are you going through anything right now?

P: I’m going through something new everyday, but recently it’s been questioning my future

K: aren’t we all tho,, that’s the essence of life

23. What’s the worst decision you ever made?

P: I can’t say it’s the worst but the most glaringly bad decision I’ve made is not taking history earlier cause now I have to take it during the summer🙃

K: not being assertive enough

24. What is your favorite store?

P: probably ulta💄

K: Hollister lol

25. What is your opinion of abortion?

P: Well that escalated quickly- to each their own, if that’s the choice you take you should be able to make it

K: if u can’t properly support the baby why subject it to that type of life?

26. Do you have a bucket list?

P: Travel the world I guess

K: id like to hone my artistic skills

27. Do you have a favorite album?

P: Hell yeah, Ateez’s Treasure: All to Zero and Zero to One album (Say My Name, Treasure, and HALA HALA are BOPS)

K: EXO’s EX’ACT album

28. What do you want for your birthday?

P: To be acknowledged😪, no but my birthday often falls on Thanksgiving so it’s like me vs. turkey day

K: a macbook

29. What are most people’s first impressions of you?

P: I kinda already talked about this but intimidating

K: extremely quiet 🦶 it’s the biggest thing about me that I wish I could change

30: What age do you seem according to people?

P: I don’t actually know, but I will always be 5 in my own eyes

K: yo I actually have no idea

31. Where do you keep your phone while you are sleeping?

P: Next to me charging which is probably dAnGeRoUs

K: across the room so I can attempt to get my ass out of bed when my phone alarm goes off (spoiler alert: it doesn’t work)

32. What word do you say the most?

P: My daily vernacular is just littered with “yeehaw” and “oh my god” and “hahah”

K: “dude” and “like”

33. What’s the oldest age you would date?

P: Probably 3 years older than me

K: depends but nothing extreme

34: Whats the youngest age you would date?

P: Anyone more than 1-2 years younger than me is a no-go

K: same answer as the last question

35: What job/career do most people say would suit you?

P: A psychologist

K: art-related career

36. What’s your favorite music genre?

P: kpop and alternative

K: R&B, hip hop, lofi, kpop

37. If you could live in any country in the world, where would it be?

P: I don’t actually know, I would need to do a comprehensive search of all my options

K: ^^^

38. What is your current favorite songs?

P: Say My Name by Ateez, Noir by Sunmi, Thrilla Killa by VAV, Victory Song by Stray Kids, Beautiful by Monsta X, and Yestoday by NCT U

K: Don’t Hang Up by Suran, Light by ATEEZ, Trauma by EXO, Home by BTS, V by Jay Park

39. How long have you had this blog for?

P: Since late November I think?

K: ^^^

40. What are you excited for?

P: I got tix to see Monsta X!!🤠

K: school ends soon 🤠 can’t wait for summer letsgetit

41. Are you a better talker or listener?

P: Neither, I’m just a mess all around

K: listener, but if I’m comfortable enough around the other person I become a lot more talkative

42. What is the last productive thing you did?

P: I ate breakfast

K: I petted my dog

43. What do you want for Christmas?

P: That’s too far in the future man, idk

K: a macbook

44. What class do you have the best grades in?

P: French and Anatomy

K: art (does that count?) and Physics

45. On a scale of 1-10, how are you feeling right now?

P: Like a 7, it’d be a 9 but I have some projects that I need to finish :(

K: 6 cause I have so much work that I need to finish

46. What can you see yourself doing in ten years?

P: Getting swol💪🏼😤

K: managing an empire of meme accounts

47. When did you get your first heartbreak?

P: We going ✈️sad hours- when someone very close to me passed away

K: I actually don’t know if I’ve ever had a proper heartbreak

48: What age do you want to get married?

P: I don’t plan on getting married I’m gonna live forever

K: it depends honestly

49. What career did you want as a child?

P: You know the usual- actress, singer

K: a doctor/ smth health-sci related

50. What do you crave right now?

P: A full 8 hours of sleep

K: more free time to watch my kpop boys

P: Wow that was a lot of self reflection

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