#abnormal. like ofc ive known it but i feel like ive only recently started to emotionally process how like. scary and horrible it is that

[cuntstable]

the whole feeling of ”i wasnt supposted to live this long” is fairly common with people whove grown up w various mental health problems like depression and suicidality etc etc. and i can definitely relate to that too but like theres something about like… when you grow up in a scary actively dangerous enviroment where you as a child are just actually fearing for your life on the regular, just expecting that one of these days youll die. and then that day just never comes, at least not until youre already an adult. its difficult to accept that youre alive! its so crazy i feel like ive been trying to adjust to Not Living In Mortal Fear for like over a decade now and it still feels strange. like its hard to plan for future and to believe in it but i guess i AM just happy to be alive and safe. that has to be enough too