#(I am no longer with the people I have been watching with and that makes me sad)

[andvys]

The edges of your soul (I haven't seen yet) ⭐︎ Prologue

⭐︎ When the sun hits, she’ll be waiting

Warnings: hurt/comfort, mentions of death, post apocalypse, grumpy!steve x sunshine!reader, gore, blood, mean!steve

Pairing: Steve Harrington x fem!reader

Summary: Another patrol. Patrols he's been doing for a whole year, and nothing ever changes. Maybe he had to kill one demodog, or demobat, but overall, it was the same walk, the same stance, the same weariness… only this time, something new appeared in his walk.

Word count: 4.8k

Author's note: @hellfire--cult and I are back with another Steve series, I hope you're as excited as I am, you got a lot of angst, fluff and smut coming your way! And also, shoutout to @ghost-proofbaby who picked the title for this story, thank you my love

series masterlist

☀︎

It was funny. 

He had watched apocalypse movies. He had seen the terrible visual effects done with strawberry syrup, the gelatin that exploded pretending to be brains and flesh, the people becoming zombies and doing loud and stupid moans in their chase. He knew the apocalypse would never look like that, but he also never believed he would live in something very much alike, and not at all a movie.

They had not defeated Vecna. They have killed him, but defeated? No. He is gone but he left behind the world he created, he reached his goal and got what he wanted, something that Steve and the others were very blind to at first, they watched him die; they burned his body to make sure that he was gone for good. They thought they won, but it was a false victory, one that gave them all the opportunity to recover, opportunities that included them trying to become a town again, yet after three months of what they thought was safe, the first demogorgon crawled out of the big gates that were created. Killed instantly. Then another. Then twenty. Then a hundred. Demogorgons, demobats, demodogs, and other upside down creatures... and this time, they came with infectious venom.

Venom that turned people into bloodthirsty, flesh eating monsters with nothing but death in their eyes, people turned into monsters who became part of Vecna’s army, crawling into homes and houses, spreading way too quickly and unable to be stopped from claiming not only the town but all of the country and soon the whole globe. 

They noticed when it was already too late, when the world was already too far gone and the lives of many were lost and claimed by darkness. 

When the realization started sinking in and he saw, felt the panic, the fear, the desperation, the dread and death, he felt like he was going to lose himself, knowing that the world he once knew was gone and never to be brought back again, that it was all lost and someday to be forgotten but a feeling he hadn’t noticed yet was acceptance. 

Because if anyone knew how to adapt, then it was him. Unlike many others, he had no home that he lost, he never had one in the first place. His parents' house was only ever a big lonely space that he never found comfort in until his friends filled that space with warmth and laughter, laughter that still echoes in his ears whenever he thinks of simpler times, laughter that he thinks he will never hear again. 

The house is now even emptier and colder than before, claimed by vines, dust and spider webs, just like most of the houses in Hawkins are… or the rest of the world. He passed familiar houses before, Dustin’s home and Lucas’s, he only glanced at them, not bearing to look longer, not wanting to feel, not wanting to look back at what he lost. 

The gun in his hand feels light, nothing like it used to feel the first few times he had to hold one or use one. His footsteps are barely audible as he walks through the empty cul-de-sac, eyes focused and eyebrows furrowed, he is on high alert, he always is, even when he doesn’t have to. 

He feels relaxed, despite the circumstances, despite the death that could be waiting around any corner, he feels relaxed. He walks past the abandoned cars and houses, watching out for any creature that could come crawling out from any hole. A lone plushie lies on the ground, dirty and splattered with blood – a sight that would have made him sick a year ago, thinking about whose blood it could’ve been, now makes him feel indifference. He had seen so many ugly, disturbing things, nothing truly fazes him anymore, it’s awful and sometimes he wonders if he is still a good person or if the horrors of this world have turned him into a monster as well, if the darkness had claimed him too like it had claimed the sick people. Sometimes he feels pain, sometimes he feels nothing but today he feels a sliver of sadness, one that he swallows down as quickly as it comes, he can’t stand it. 

The sun shines down on him but he barely feels the warmth even though it’s there, the light of it illuminates the empty road ahead of him, the chaos left behind, the rotten grass and the dead flowers, they don’t grow anymore, the birds don’t sing anymore, he wonders if there are even any left in this world, most have died, just like the ones he used to see every day, they have died. 

A soft huff falls from his lips when he notices that the laces on his boots have come undone, he stops walking and looks around, making sure that nothing and nobody will creep up on him the moment he kneels down, he would be surprised if something like that still happened around here though. Hawkins is empty of people and monsters, it was only the doorway for them to get through to get to the rest of the world, this place is just as abandoned as the houses are. 

The houses where his friends used to live. Where Lucas used to live. Dustin. The Wheelers. The Byers. That home that was lived in by other people last year. His house. Those remained intact, yet empty and filled with vines, darkness, dust of the memories from those who once lived in there. The only place that got swallowed whole was Forest Hills trailer park. Where Max used to live. Where Eddie used to live.

Placing the gun in his holster, he kneels down and reaches for the undone laces, wasting no second to tie them. His ears pick up on any sound, on the wind that howls through the bushes and the trees, through the broken windows, the bells that still hang from the ceilings on the empty porches. His eyes never stay focused on only the task before him, he is always ready to fight, to kill but it’s been a while since he had to use his gun or a machete, or even his bat. 

But today the hairs on his neck stand up for the first time in a while. Goosebumps arise on his skin and he feels it, a presence behind him. Steve swallows harshly, not knowing what to expect the moment he turns around, a demogorgon, a demodog or a sick one. He ties the knot on his boot, tightly. 

Unlike a few months before, he no longer feels fear whenever he is about to stare evil in it’s eyes, he no longer dreads it, he no longer feels his heart skipping or racing, he feels nothing anymore. 

He reaches for his gun and jumps to his feet, raising his arm and the gun, turning on his heel and aiming at the presence that lingered behind him, the one that would have normally lunged at him by now but it’s not a creature staring back at him nor is it a sick person, a sick person wouldn’t raise her arms up in surrender or step back in fear. 

“Hang on! I’m not bitten! I’m alive, I’m still alive!” Your voice is panicked, your eyes are too. 

Steve’s jaw is clenched, his eyes move up and down your body, taking in the state of your clothes first, no holes or tears in them, they are clean – clean for the end of the world. Your hair is tied, hanging down your shoulders in two braids, there are knives tucked into your belt and a gun in your thigh holster that you have no intent to reach for. You don’t look like a threat but Steve learned to not be deceived by appearances only. He eyes your exposed skin, where your flannel had slipped down your shoulder, exposing a wound, not a bite, not a scratch, only a cut that he can’t help but wonder how it got there or why. 

“Turning takes days,” Steve murmurs as he tears his gaze away from you for a second to scan the area around you two, who knows what you had dragged here or who. 

“I can sing Madonna for you?” 

He rolls his eyes as he looks back at you, for someone armed with knives and a glock 17 strapped to her thigh, you sure do look like a frightened cat, ready to run. You are not a threat. He knows it; he sees it; he feels it. He knows danger; you aren’t that. 

“You’re not bitten?” He asks as he lowers his gun, letting you relax again. 

You shake your head, though you can still see the hesitance in his eyes, the mistrust. 

“Do I–” you start innocently, blushing already as you look at the man before you, “do I need to get naked? If so, I’d prefer a woman, if that is possible.”

Steve’s eyes widen and he shakes his head quickly, ignoring the heat that rises in his cheeks. He puts his gun back in his holster. 

“Fuck, no, no… I believe you, what– what are you doing in the middle of Hawkins?” 

He sees the way your shoulders relax, the way you take a deep breath in and then out, lowering your arms to your sides. 

“I was in a small camp, a few towns away, and I’m trying to get to my old home… though, I got a bit lost cause a bat ripped my map out of my hands…” You frown. 

“Demobat.” 

You tilt your head to the side, furrowing your brows, “what?” 

Steve scrunches his nose up, shaking his head at himself, he keeps forgetting. 

“Nevermind.”

Your head is still tilted, your brows still furrowed, you look him up and down, no words fall from your lips, for a moment you are quiet. 

He grows a little flustered beneath your gaze, not that he would ever admit, you are just the first stranger he had encountered in a while, a stranger who creeped up on him. 

“You’re not very attentive.” 

Steve raises his eyebrows in surprise. 

“You only noticed me when I was already too close.”

He wants to laugh… a little. 

“Sounds like you were up to no good,” Steve retorts, glaring at you to which your eyes only widen, filled with yet more panic. You open your mouth and close it again, a few times, the shock not letting you speak but when you do, you stutter and shake your head. 

“No! Oh my god! I’m just saying – listen, I want no trouble, I’m just passing through, I just want to go home.”

Steve can’t help but be a bit amused by the panic and the fear in your eyes. 

“I didn’t mean to scare you!” 

If laughing hadn’t become such a strange thing to him these days, he would do it now, yeah, he would chuckle, he would laugh loudly. 

“That’s funny,” he mumbles under his breath, looking you up and down one more time before he turns on his heels and continues his journey down the road. His boots hit the gravel roughly, footsteps echoing through the empty streets, it only takes three seconds before a second pair joins, just like he had suspected. 

“Wait!”

You catch up with him quickly, walking beside him now. He feels your eyes on him but he doesn’t turn to look. 

“Is this a community?”

He wouldn’t call it that, the few people that stayed here all fend for themselves, just like him and his friends do. 

“Would be a very shitty one if anyone could just walk in.”

“Right…” He hears you murmur softly. “Are you passing through?”

“No.”

“Do you live here?”

“Yes.” 

“Why?”

Steve rolls his eyes, side-eying you. He is not very talkative anymore, he finds no joy in holding conversations, let alone in answering questions, he barely uses his voice nowadays, he doesn’t feel bad about it, or even guilty. Normally he would keep quiet or even snap at whoever is bothering him, today he can’t find it in himself to be mean… meaner. 

“Cause it’s my hometown. Why are you by yourself?” Steve asks without looking at you. 

“I left my last camp cause I want to go home, like I said before–”

“I know, I mean why are you traveling by yourself? It’s not safe out here, especially not for women.” Steve rounds the corner, inching closer to the only house that has a light peeking through the boards on the windows. 

“It’s not safe for anyone out here, not just for women,” you correct him, looking at him in surprise when he opens the gate to the backyard before you and lets you walk in first. “But I haven’t seen anyone since I left the camp, you’re the first person…” You mumble and look down at your converse, that look very dirty in comparison to his black boots. 

You stand before him now, close, a little too close for a stranger, though he makes no move to put more distance between you. He sees the wound on your shoulder clearer now, a cut caused by either a knife or glass. 

You tilt your head up again, you are close enough to see his face now properly, the color of his eyes, hazel. Freckles and moles kiss his skin, his features are soft, his expression isn’t. His brown hair is very… voluminous, his beard is trimmed, he looks clean and he doesn’t smell, a rarity nowadays. He is tall, his shoulders are wide, he is certainly much stronger too, his biceps strain against his black shirt, and it only now dawns on you that you followed a man to what you presume is his home, you followed with no hesitation. 

You swallow the growing lump in your throat and take a step back. He had shown no interest in you, he doesn’t seem fond of you following him either. He is just as much of a threat as you are, you tell yourself. 

“So er… is it just you here?” You ask, looking at the house he stopped by, the house you presume is his home, his fortress. 

“No.”

You nod, pursing your lips as you look into his cold eyes but he quickly breaks eye contact and starts walking again. 

“Where is everyone and how many people are here?” You ask as you continue on following him, staring at the back of his head, his mullet looks good, taken care of, you notice. “Also why don’t you have any fences, aren’t you afraid of sick ones getting in? And–”

Steve turns on his heel, sighing loudly as he glares down at you, not even moving back when you almost bump into him. 

“Will you shut up for a second!?” He grumbles, glaring at you again as he stares you down. 

You press your lips together, gazing up into his dark eyes, not breaking eye contact. The look on his face should intimidate you, the cold eyes should scare you, he should scare you but he doesn’t. 

“Have any monsters gotten in yet and if so, have you ever fought any? I ran into a dog like creature the other day, that fucker nearly bit my hand off, I–”

Two seconds. You shut up for two fucking seconds. 

“Jesus,” Steve mumbles, raising his hand up, he runs his fingers through his hair, his annoyance doesn’t faze you in the slightest, you open your mouth again, ready to ask another question but someone else beats you to it. 

“Well, what do we have here?” 

You instantly press your lips together, throwing your hand to your holster as you snap your head to look towards the gate and at the person who cut you off, startled by his presence, you take a step closer to the stranger you just met as you eye the man with the long hair, who is looking at you with a smile on his face. His eyes are kind, much kinder than the ones of the man beside you. He is holding a box, a gun is secured and tucked into his belt. 

“Who’s this lovely lady, Harrington?” He asks, not stepping closer yet. 

Harrington. 

You don’t even notice the girl beside him until she clears her throat, offering you a small smile. Her hair is long and curly too, her bangs cover her eyes a little, a rifle is strapped over her shoulder. 

“Someone passing through,” Harrington grumbles under his breath, clearly wanting you to keep passing through. “She’ll be on her way now.”

It’s getting dark now, it’s not safe to continue your travel when the sun sets. You planned to find shelter when you stepped foot into this town, maybe find some cans of food in one of the abandoned houses. 

The girl meets your eyes, hesitating, she shakes her head. 

“Oh, it’s getting dark, besides she could use a bath, Steve.” The girl says, frowning as she looks you up and down. 

Offended, you scrunch your nose up and look down at yourself, “hey, I do my best in any possible lake!” You argue, despite the surprise in you. Every group, every community you have come across before, did not offer baths or shelter, not after your pleading, at least. 

“She has to go to her hometown–”

“All alone?” The girl asks, frowning at the man – at Steve, beside you. She glances at the one next to her, they share the same look in their eyes. You wonder if they are siblings. 

“Yes, all alone.” Steve sighs. 

They look at him in disappointment. 

He doesn’t want you here. 

It’s nothing you aren’t used to. 

You’re on your own, you always have been. Though you can’t remember the last time you had a proper shower, a real meal or a night full of sleep. You don’t know how to hunt, you wash yourself in lakes and you never sleep through the night, no matter how safe you think you are, you can’t sleep. You can’t even remember the last time you felt fully rested, not even the communities that provided you shelter gave you that real feeling of safety. 

You don’t know these people, the man beside you and the pair before you, but the kind blue eyes and the chocolate brown ones are different from any of the ones you have looked into before – you can feel the indifference from Steve, he doesn’t know you, he doesn’t trust you. 

“I-It’s fine, I was just passing through,” you shrug, offering a smile, despite the weird feeling in your stomach. “Do you… maybe have a map for me though?”

“Yeah,” Steve instantly speaks up, clearly wanting to get rid of you quickly. 

She crosses her arms over her chest, ignoring your question, she glares at Steve, “did she ask to stay?” 

Steve clenches his jaw, glaring back at her with an icy cold stare. 

“We can’t afford another mouth to feed–” 

The guy with the curly hair steps forward with a sigh, approaching Steve with a stubborn look on his face, “I’m keeping her.” 

Steve scrunches his face up, scoffing at his friend, “she’s not a fucking puppy!” 

Though he doesn’t listen to him and turns towards you, nudging his head at you, motioning for you to follow him as he goes to open the door to the house, “come on, we’re gonna eat dinner soon, we’re making stew. And you can get cleaned up if you want, Nancy will give you some clean clothes.”

You want to follow badly, the mention of food, of a warm meal makes your mouth water, and you wouldn’t say no to a shower and fresh clothes either but Steve’s unwelcoming expression makes you hesitate. 

He is looking down at the ground, his jaw tense, his eyes unimpressed. 

The girl, Nancy, she is looking at him still, waiting for him to look at her too but he doesn’t. There is something in her eyes that you can’t read, the same look that resides in his own. 

With a sigh, she looks away and starts walking towards you after closing the gate behind her. She can see the hesitation on your face. 

“You don’t have to stay if you don’t want to, we’re leaving soon too–”

“We are not,” Steve says harshly, nearly making you flinch. 

“We are.” Nancy argues, her brows are pulled together, her lips curl downwards. 

She is certainly more intimidating than he is. 

“You can stay for the night, like Eddie said, we’ll have dinner and you can get cleaned up, tomorrow you can be on your way with the map you have asked for, but it’s getting dark now – so, you’re staying.” 

“Okay.”

It’s funny, normally that would have been a warning sign for you to run. People aren’t usually so persistent for you to stay and if they are, you never stay long enough to find out what evilness they have planned for you. Usually you aren’t so trusting, but her kind blue eyes make it hard not to. 

Finding kindness in this world is a rarity nowadays, you wonder if these people ever encountered real danger – not the creatures, or the sick people but humans, you found out that those can be much worse, evil. You figure that they haven’t, otherwise they wouldn’t be so trusting towards you, even Steve, he didn’t ask you to take your weapons off of you, didn’t tell you to hand them over, he just let you follow, and his friends open the door to their home for you, they let you inside, he does too. 

You have a growing suspicion that they don’t really know the world they live in now, they haven’t seen past this untouched town, they haven’t seen what people are capable of, how cruel and evil they can be, because if they did, you would not be welcome here, not so easily, no matter how harmless you seem to them. 

But the kindness you are greeted with today encourages the hope that never died inside of you. 

Hope that died in him a long time ago. 

Hope that will die in you just like it did in him. 

He watches you closely, the way you look around the house the three of them have stayed in for the past year, you throw your backpack to the ground, leaving it abandoned by the stairs. You eye the radio station in the living room, curiosity lingers in your eyes, he notices how your fingers twitch but you don’t touch it, you draw back from it when you catch him staring at you like a hawk – he almost feels bad when you shy away. 

You turn your back to him and look at the bookshelf, tilting your head to the side. 

Steve should stop it, the staring, but he can’t, he doesn’t know why, you are not a threat, he doesn’t need to watch you but he keeps doing it, slowly following you through the house like you are his prey. 

You are the first stranger to enter this house, the first and the only. Every person who stumbled upon this ghost town was turned and scared away by him. He doesn’t know why he let you inside, Eddie and Nancy wouldn’t be able to keep you here, no matter how persistent and stubborn they had been. If they didn’t want you here, you would have been long gone and not walking around the house. 

But something about you makes him mad.

Maybe it’s the way you so easily fit in, or maybe it’s the way you fall for Eddie’s charm and giggle at every attempt of his to make you smile, maybe it’s the way you get along with Nancy right away, Nancy who is usually distrusting of anyone she doesn’t know, or maybe it’s the way you look at him when you sit across from him during dinner, the golden light from the fireplace touching your soft skin. Your eyes are big and innocent, the air around you is too, like you had been untouched by the horrors of this world, like nothing ever happened to you, like you didn’t lose anything or anyone, like the world didn’t even scratch the surface of you. 

He doesn’t know you, he doesn’t know anything about you but he knows what you are – a naive and stupid girl, one that throws herself into danger, the cut on your shoulder and the scars on your upper arm are proof of that, you won’t survive long, people like you never do. 

He stares into your eyes and you stare back, eyeing him while Eddie talks your ear off, who is happy to have someone new to talk with, considering he is stuck with people who aren’t the most talkative. 

You blink, holding his gaze for a while. 

You are trouble, the kind that he wants to stay away from, the kind he needs to stay away from. 

And yet he finds himself knocking on the bathroom door to give you the toiletries and the clothes that Nancy had prepared for you after dinner. He is huffing loudly when he hears you singing, or humming. The only person he ever heard hum in a shower nowadays was Eddie, and he did it just to be an obnoxious prick. You, you are just happy, and who the hell is happy nowadays with how the world is? A psychopath. You are a fucking psychopath.

“One sec!” Your voice was sweet as the water is turned off, and soon after, the door is opening and his eyes are everywhere. You are wrapped in a towel, holding it tightly on your chest where the edge is tucked in. Your wet hair falling down your shoulders, the droplets all over your skin, and you have a stupid smile on your face. That snaps him out from the trance of staring at you more than he should. He blames it on not meeting another woman in a while. The only one in this ‘community’ of his age is Nancy, and she and him made it clear that whatever happened when Vecna was alive, that it was purely out of adrenaline and the need to be or feel cared for by someone in that moment.

“Have your stuff. Remember to give the clothes back before you leave tomorrow.” He extends his arms towards you, the body cream on top of the clothes, making you gasp as your arms shoot to take them from him, your eyes stuck on the white bottle.

“Oh god… thank you… I can’t– I can’t thank you enough–”

“Not me. Nancy and Eddie. I wanted you gone, still want you gone.” His eyes are looking away from you, down the hall as he speaks. He is harsh and he knows it, but there is a limit on water usage in the community, and you just used a ton. Which makes him think that Nancy and Eddie are being serious on leaving, not caring for the limits any longer. 

Your eyes look up, catching onto the patch of freckles and moles on his neck, as well as a very prominent scar. As if he had been choked by some rope, going all the way around. You were hurt by his words, but yet, this guy is being mean, and wants to kick you out, and he is standing in front of you handing you body cream and clothes, when he could have refused. He could have shot you and defy his friends. He could have been pushier.

And so your hope doesn’t die.

“I’ll thank them later… but yet, thank you, as well.” You persist and he grumbles something under his breath, his head turning to look at you one last time. Hopefully, the last time he sees it before he wakes up tomorrow. 

“Have a safe trip tomorrow.” And with that, he walks down the hall and towards his room, slowly closing the door behind him. Robin is going to kill him. Letting a random girl inside the house. Eddie and Nancy were out of their minds. Everyone was, except him. Hopefully.

He hears murmurs between you and Nancy in the hallway, giggles that disappear as you two disappear into Nancy’s room. She is letting you sleep on the bed with her. What the fuck was Nance thinking? You are a stranger… A stranger who seemed harmless enough, a stranger who looked… tired. Like the only thing you wanted to do was sleep, and sleep, and sleep. 

He might be over-exaggerating with how he is treating you, but can anyone blame him for it?

His eyes move towards a scarf on his bed frame, his fingers caressing the hand-knitted mustard colored cotton between his fingers. He hears Eddie whistling as he goes into his room and his anger bubbles up inside of him again.

He isn’t leaving this town. It is a stupid idea to do so. It is reckless. It is also going against the community’s rules. He isn’t going to leave. He can’t leave Robin behind, and Eddie and Nancy know she won’t be coming along.

He won’t leave the last thing that is keeping him alive.

[ssa-danhotchner]

please i need a least angstier version of happier maybe reader has to go to a mision like s7 aaron in pakistan a he sees how much he really misses her

What we left behind | Aaron Hotchner x fem!reader

note: I tried my best, I hope you like it!

english isn't my first language so please be kind

cw: BAU reader, beth is in here, angst, regret, past relationship struggles, unspoken feelings

wc: 1.5k maybe?

It wasn’t like you hated Beth.

She was kind, warm, and approachable—the kind of woman people gravitated toward without hesitation. She seemed good for Aaron, too. For all his years of shielding himself, she brought out something softer in him. When you saw them together, he smiled more. He laughed in a way that had felt rare, almost forgotten.

But watching them together hurt in a way you hadn’t anticipated. It wasn’t jealousy exactly. It was grief.

Grief for what you and Aaron had been, for what you thought you might have been.

He was the one who ended it, after all.

You remembered the night so clearly it still stung, like a bruise you kept accidentally pressing. He’d invited you over, his voice softer than usual on the phone. At first, you thought nothing of it. But when you arrived, the heaviness in the air made your stomach twist.

Aaron wasn’t one to stumble over his words, but that night he did. “You mean the world to me,” he’d said, his voice breaking slightly. “But I can’t give you the life you deserve.”

You’d stared at him, stunned. “What are you talking about? We’re fine.”

“No, we’re not,” he said quietly, looking at you like it physically pained him. “You deserve someone who can be there for you, who isn’t constantly distracted by the job, who can give you all the things I can’t. And I... I can’t keep holding you back.”

His words shattered something in you. “I didn’t ask for perfect, Aaron. I asked for you.”

He closed his eyes, his jaw tight, and shook his head. “You’ll see, one day, that this is what’s best.”

You didn’t fight him after that. You couldn’t. And maybe some part of you even believed he was right. But that didn’t make it hurt any less.

--

For months, you carried that pain with you like a shadow. You buried yourself in work, throwing yourself into cases until you were so exhausted you couldn’t think about anything else.

It helped, a little.

But then Beth showed up.

The team was supportive of Aaron’s new relationship, of course. They were profilers—they could see how happy Beth made him, and they teased him lightly about it. Even Rossi, who had a knack for keeping things professional, cracked a joke now and then about Aaron’s “smiling problem.”

You played along, smiling and laughing at the right moments, even as it chipped away at you.

“You okay?” Emily asked one day, catching you lingering at the coffee machine longer than usual.

“Yeah, fine” you replied quickly, avoiding her eyes.

Emily didn’t press, but the look she gave you made it clear she didn’t buy it.

---

When the opportunity to work with the State Department in Pakistan came up, you jumped at it. The mission would take you halfway across the world for months, giving you the distance you desperately needed from Aaron, Beth, and the suffocating reminders of what you’d lost.

“It’s a great opportunity” you told the team, forcing a smile as you shared the news during a team meeting.

Morgan gave you a skeptical look. “You sure about this, kid? Seems... sudden.”

“I’m sure,” you said firmly.

Rossi, always perceptive, gave you a knowing look but said nothing.

Aaron, however, was harder to read. He’d been quiet during the meeting, his dark eyes flicking to you now and then, but he didn’t say a word.

Later, as the team dispersed, he stopped you outside the conference room.

“You’re really going?” he asked, his tone carefully neutral.

“I am,” you replied, meeting his gaze.

He hesitated, as if searching for the right words. “You didn’t mention you were thinking about this.”

“I didn’t think it mattered,” you said, your voice sharper than you intended.

Aaron flinched slightly, his jaw tightening. “Of course it matters.”

You sighed, softening your tone. “Look, this is a good opportunity for me. I need... a change.”

His eyes lingered on you for a moment longer before he nodded. “Be careful,” he said quietly.

---

Pakistan was everything you expected and more. The work was intense, the days long, and the challenges endless. But it was exactly what you needed. The distance, the change in pace, the focus on something new—it all helped you start to piece yourself back together.

And yet, there were nights when the loneliness crept in, catching you off guard. You missed the team. You missed Garcia’s bright enthusiasm, Morgan’s playful teasing, JJ’s steady calm.

You missed Aaron.

You told yourself you didn’t have the right to miss him, not after everything. But you couldn’t help it. You missed the way he grounded you, the quiet strength he carried even in the hardest moments.

---

Back in Quantico, Aaron found himself drifting. The bullpen felt emptier without you, and he hated how often he caught himself looking at your desk, expecting to see you there.

He tried to focus on work, on Jack, on his relationship with Beth. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shake the nagging emptiness you’d left behind.

Beth noticed, of course. She was too perceptive not to.

“You’ve been quiet lately,” she said one evening as they sat on the couch, a glass of wine in her hand.

“I’ve just been busy,” he replied, though they both knew it wasn’t the whole truth.

Beth studied him for a moment before setting her glass down. “It’s because she’s gone, isn’t it?”

He froze, his heart skipping a beat.

Beth sighed, setting her wine glass down. “I’ve always felt like I was competing with someone who wasn’t even here.”

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said quietly, his throat tightening.

“I know you care about me, Aaron,” Beth said gently. “But it’s not enough, is it?”

He looked at her, guilt and regret twisting in his chest. “You deserve better than this. Better than me.”

Beth nodded, her eyes sad but understanding. “And so does she.”

---

When you returned to Quantico, the familiarity was both comforting and suffocating. The bullpen buzzed with the usual energy—Garcia’s colorful office lights glowed from the corner, Morgan leaned casually against Spence's desk, and Rossi greeted you with his characteristic warmth. But despite the smiles and hugs, there was a lingering sense of unease.

You tried to shake it off. You were home now, and that was what mattered.

But then you saw Aaron.

He stood at the far end of the bullpen, just outside his office, his dark eyes locked on you. The usual stoicism in his expression faltered as you met his gaze, something softer, almost hesitant, bleeding through.

Your breath caught in your chest. It had been months since you last saw him, and yet it felt like no time had passed at all. He looked the same—polished suit, perfect posture, the slight furrow of his brow that you’d memorized years ago.

He started walking toward you, his steps slow and deliberate. You tried to prepare yourself for the moment, but when he finally stopped in front of you, the carefully constructed walls around your heart wavered.

“Welcome back,” he said softly, his voice carrying a gravity that made your pulse race.

“Thanks,” you replied, forcing a small smile, though your throat felt tight.

There was a beat of silence. The bullpen buzzed with life around you, but all you could focus on was him—the way his eyes lingered on your face, the way he seemed like he wanted to say something but couldn’t quite find the words.

“Can we talk?” he asked finally, his voice low enough that no one else could hear.

You hesitated. Part of you wanted to say no, to protect yourself from whatever this conversation might bring. But the way he looked at you—vulnerable and intent—made it impossible to refuse.

“Yeah,” you said quietly.

He led you to his office, holding the door open for you before closing it behind him. The sound of the latch clicking seemed to echo, amplifying the tension in the room.

You stood awkwardly near the desk while he lingered by the door, as if trying to keep some distance between you.

“How was it?” he asked, gesturing vaguely. “Pakistan, I mean.”

“It was... intense” you admitted. “Challenging, but good. It gave me a lot to think about.”

He nodded, his jaw tightening as he seemed to weigh his next words. “I’m glad you’re back.”

“Thanks” you said again, the word feeling hollow on your tongue. You couldn’t take the tension anymore. “Aaron, what did you want to talk about?”

His shoulders rose and fell with a deep breath, and when he finally looked at you, his eyes were heavy with regret.

“I owe you an apology” he said, his voice low and rough.

You blinked, startled. “An apology? For what?”

“For walking away” he said, stepping closer. His gaze held yours, steady but full of something you couldn’t quite name. “I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought letting you go would... would give you the chance to find someone better, someone who could give you what I couldn’t.”

Your heart clenched painfully at his words, but before you could respond, he continued.

“But I was wrong” he said, his voice breaking slightly. “I thought I was protecting you, but all I did was hurt both of us. And every day you were gone, I felt it—I felt how wrong I was.”

You stared at him, your mind racing. “Aaron, I—”

“I missed you” he interrupted, taking another step closer. “Every day you were gone, I missed you. And I realized that I’d rather spend my life trying to be enough for you than spend another day without you.”

Tears blurred your vision, but you blinked them away, trying to process his words.

“You ended it” you whispered, your voice trembling. “You told me I deserved better.”

“I thought I was doing the selfless thing,” he admitted, his expression pained. “But all I did was rob us of the chance to fight for what we had. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

The rawness in his voice cracked something open inside you.

“Aaron, I...” You trailed off, shaking your head as you tried to gather your thoughts. “I don’t even know what to say.”

He stepped closer again, closing the remaining distance between you. “You don’t have to say anything. Just... tell me if there’s still a chance. If there’s even a small part of you that still feels the same way.”

His vulnerability was overwhelming. This was Aaron Hotchner—the man who never wavered, never let his guard down. And yet here he was, standing before you, baring his heart.

“I missed you too” you admitted finally, your voice breaking. “But I don’t know if I can do this again. I don’t know if I can survive losing you a second time.”

“You won’t” he said firmly, his hand twitching at his side like he wanted to reach for you but didn’t dare. “I know I don’t deserve it, but I swear to you, I won’t let you down again. I’ll fight for this—for us. Every day, if I have to.”

The sincerity in his voice, the way his dark eyes held yours, left you breathless.

And in that moment, you realized something: you still loved him. You always had.

Slowly, you reached for his hand, intertwining your fingers. His breath hitched at the contact, but he didn’t pull away.

“Okay” you said softly, your voice trembling but sure. “Let’s try again.”

Aaron’s shoulders sagged with relief, and for the first time in what felt like forever, he smiled—a real, genuine smile that reached his eyes.

And as he squeezed your hand, you felt a flicker of hope that maybe, just maybe, this time would be different.

---

[razzle-zazzle]

Wait no actually addition to this. Under the cut because I went on for longer than I maybe needed to:

Because in season one episode nine, "The Royal Blacksmiths", because of Cole lying in his letters, Lou thinks that his son is still a Marty Oppenheimer's student. Or, in the case of this theory, believes that the other three are part of quartet Cole picked up outside of Marty Oppenheimer's (but still going along with the lie to humor Cole, which makes Jay's slip kind of lowkey hilarious).

But. Oh my god. Okay so in the leadup to the talent show the boys are going through their routine and get into an argument after Jay and Kai smack into each other. And we get this exchange:

Jay: You're supposed to follow me! Kai: Follow you? You're off the beat by two! Zane: 2.72 off the beat. Cole: Guys, guys! Let's not make this any harder than it needs to be. We just stick to the plan and keep up the charade until the trophy's revealed. Once we steal the Blade Cup, we can argue all we want when we get back home. Jay: But this is your hometown*, Cole! Don't you wanna try and win it? Cole: Ugh. The only dance step I wanna perform is called, "Get Me Out of this Nuthouse and Let's Burn these Memories from my Head."

At which point Lou enters the scene, having overheard the conversation from "once we steal the Blade Cup" at the very latest (could have overheard more, but couldn't have overheard less), which gives us one of the more iconic exchanges in the series:

Lou: What? Cole: Dad! I... Lou: You... you were going to steal it? Cole: Dad, I didn't mean for you to hear that. But I'm glad you did. There's something I've been wanting to tell you. All these years, I haven't been training to be a singer or a dancer. I found something new that I'm really good at! Dad— -Cole spinjitzus to change from his quartet outfit to his ninja clothes- Cole: I'm a ninja. -Lou gasps- Cole, grabbing the Scythe from the case: And the truth is, if we don't steal that Fang Blade— I mean, Blade Cup, there's other people that will. Bad people. Serpentine. And we need it to save the world. Cole: I know how ridiculous this sounds, but I'm proud of who I am. And I want you to be proud of me too. Lou: I can't be proud of any son who thinks stealing is right. And I'm not going to wait around to watch you make a mockery of our family's legacy! Cole: Dad, I—

We all know this scene. The "coming out" scene often used in Cole queercoding compilations. A scene where, in response to Lou hearing something that contradicts the lie Cole's been upholding, Cole immediately uses it as an opportunity to be honest, despite all of his previous adamance against doing that.

And I've pointed it out before, but Lou doesn't say anything about Cole being a ninja in this scene. He's focused on, and mad about, the plan to steal the Blade Cup. There is the "make a mockery of our family's legacy!" line, which at the time of this episode's airing was likely about Cole being a ninja rather than a dancer. But at the time of this episode's airing, Lilly did not exist yet. And her existence and what little we know about her recontextualizes a lot concerning Cole, especially in these early seasons. And given that they reanimated Cole's first meeting with Wu (originally seen in the pilots) in Sons of Garmadon to include reference to Lilly's death, I'd say the recontextualization is important. Suddenly, Lou's line about their family's legacy becomes not a jab at Cole not being a dancer, but instead more fitting as further anger at Cole wanting to steal the Blade Cup. Because Lilly was a ninja. She danced, as seen in Cole's flashback in the "Balance" short from the Elements of Spinjitzu miniseries, but the main show itself (especially Master of the Mountain) goes out of its way to emphasize Lilly as a hero, as a ninja. So being a ninja is part of their family legacy, even if it wasn't at the time of this episode's airing. Thus, given Lou's dialogue in this scene, I can confidently say that he wasn't mad about Cole being a ninja, but about Cole being a thief.

And why does this matter to this weird crack theory about Lou knowing Cole wasn't at Marty Oppenheimer's, you ask? Because, in the context of this theory, Lou only knows that Cole isn't attending Marty Oppenheimer's. That's all he knows. Cole lies in his letters and says he still is, so Lou doesn't know what Cole's doing. He clearly trusts that Cole a) can handle himself and b) will drop the lie to ask for help if he gets in trouble, or else Lou wouldn't be humoring the lie in all his responses. Additionally, Lou probably genuinely believed that Cole had formed a quartet with Jay, Zane, and Kai, even if he knew that Cole wasn't attending Marty Oppenheimer's. He wasn't expecting the "steal the Blade Cup" at all, because he thinks of his son so highly**. But he doesn't have an outward reaction to Cole being a ninja***, or really to the fact that Cole was lying to him at all. All that matters in that moment is that Cole wants to steal the Blade Cup instead of trying to earn it fair and square.

And I just. Lou doesn't say anything about Cole lying to him. This is possibly the most insignificant evidence for my stupid little crack theory that does not matter but also the more I think about this theory and what it means for Lou and Cole's relationship the more I start to explode. ESPECIALLY. LATER IN THE EPISODE. AFTER COLE DOING THE TRIPLE TIGER SASHAY WINS THEM THE CUP (plus Cole going back on the plan to steal it and instead deciding they should use their spinjitzu (tornado of creation specifically) after Lou's disappointment is so.... Cole the character that you are). AND LOU COMES UP AND REVEALS HE SAW THE WHOLE THING.

Zane: I've never felt more alive! Jay: Haha! We did it! Kai: No, Cole did it! Because of you, Ninjago will sleep safely tonight. Cole: Thanks. But... go on and celebrate without me. Winning this just doesn't feel the same without my dad being able to— Lou, entering the scene: Cole! Cole: Dad? Lou: I saw it all, son. I saw it all. -Cole and Lou hug- Cole: You saw me dance? Lou: More importantly, I saw you fight. Those Serpentine were up to no good, trying to steal the show, and I saw you stand up for what is right! Lou: I was wrong. I shouldn't have pushed you so hard to follow in my footsteps.

"I saw you stand up for what is right!" Sound familiar? Maybe like... LILLY'S LINE IN THE FLASHBACK IN MASTER OF THE MOUNTAIN'S TENTH EPISODE, "Promise me you'll always stand up to those who are cruel and unjust."????? HOW COLE ENDS UP FOLLOWING LILLY'S LEGACY AS A NINJA AND HOW WHEN LOU IS AFFIRMING THAT HE SUPPORTS IT HE ECHOES LILLY'S STATEMENT. I'M GOING INSANE

tl;dr yeah i just really really wanted to talk about "The Royal Blacksmiths" again and also point out small and meaningless evidence that supports the crack theory I just made up. here are the asterisk notes:

*Fun Fact: Marty Oppenheimer's is in Ninjago City! Cole literally states this in the episode. Another Fun Fact! Based on the exterior shot that we see before the scene of the boys warming up for the talent show, either there's a city to rival Ninjago City or Ninjago City is Cole's hometown. Which... If Marty Oppenheimer's is in Ninjago City, and that's also where Lou lives.... did he seriously never try to visit Cole????? Like once??? Further evidence that he knew Cole wasn't actually attending the school ig

**If you think Lou doesn't like Cole then you are not watching LEGO Ninjago. There is literally no onscreen interaction they have that even implies Lou hates or dislikes Cole. Yes there is the doorbell scene in "The Royal Blacksmiths" which could maybe give off that impression but like. Your honor Lou loves his son and will never not be proud of him. He wouldn't have been so disappointed over Cole's plan to steal the Blade Cup if he didn't care about Cole. PLUS HE DID END UP STICKING AROUND TO SEE COLE ONSTAGE SO EVEN DISAPPOINTED LOU STILL CARES ABOUT HIS SON.

***Maybe if it weren't for the theft thing Lou would have been angry about the ninja thing. But like. Genuinely. Given everything we know about Lilly. You cannot convince me that Lou would have been that upset at Cole for choosing to be a ninja instead of a dancer. You cannot.

In giggling at this he was there for TWO DAYS?? ONLY TWO? Not even a full week and he was already running away im weak

[tonysbed]

Secrets I keep | Norris!reader

Max Fewtrell x Norris!reader

Lando Norris x sister!reader

Danielriccardo x Norris!reader

summary: You and max have been dancing around your feelings for years but jealousy gets the best of us all..

warnings: none

a/n: I always see fewtrell!reader x lando but what If I want max and not Lando?😔

not proofread

series masterlist | masterlist | next

yn

liked by landonorris, maxfewtrell, riabish and 729.546 others

yn there’s always a good looking, better, smarter little sister to her older brother. Oh and his best friend

tagged landonorris / maxfewtrell

landonorris don’t get greedy now

user what is he even doing there?😭

riabish wifeeee 😍😍

yn ❤️

user fck lando, I want her

user they’re so bi panic coded

user yn and max in peace? Is war over?

user don’t say that to loud

yn never.

user i warned you.

user oh man 😔

-

-

“So you’ll be gone a week?” Lando was leaning against the doorframe as he watched you pack your last few items “Yeah that’s the plan but who knows. Daniel has a habit of keeping people longer than intended” You chuckle and look around the room to check if you packed anything.

Ever since Daniel had been dropped from RB you had missed the aussie. Now there was finally a good time for you to fly to australia and meet up with him. He had always been a good friend of yours and also knew about the whole Max dilemma that took place a few years ago, unbeknownst to Lando.

“Yeah he does. Just be safe okay?” He pushes himself off the frame and takes your luggage “I’ll be fine. It’s not the first time i’m flying somewhere alone, is it now?” You roll your eyes and smile.

“Yeah yeah. Come on.”

-

Lando parked his car and helped you unload your luggage. He walks with you to your destinated gate and you look at him “I’ll be okay. I’ll text you. And i’m pretty sure daniel is gonna send you plenty of unflattering pictures of me, as always”

Lando breaks a smile and pulls you in for a hug “Have a good flight. Text me when you land and Daniel picked you up, alright?” You nod “Will do, I love you”

“Love you too. Have fun!” He says, waving and smiling.

-

You see Daniel from afar. His typical smile widened as soon as he saw you “My favourite norris!” He wrapped his arms around you and you hug him tight.

“It’s so boring without you, I swear” You chuckle into his chest. He smiles and pulls away “I bet it is. Let me take your stuff, you must be exhausted after that long flight” Daniel takes your luggage and leads you to his car.

He opened the door for you and puts your stuff in the trunk. You connect your phone to his car once he started it “Lando can put his DJ era to rest, you’re the new DJ” He laughs and so do you “Absolutely! He’ll be living in my shadow now!” You chuckle.

He starts driving and a comfortable silence with quiet music in the background settles and you enjoy the view.

“Dan?” He hummed “Can we get food?” “Absolutely. What do you want?” You think for a moment “You aren’t on a diet anymore, are you?” You smirk and he smirks back “Mcdonald’s?” He smiles “Yes oh my god! I haven’t had that in ages because of Lando!” He laughs “On to the big M!”

*yn added to their story*

[caption: the best after a long flight 💙👀]

replies:

landonorris oh come on!!

yn 😘

landonorris yeah yeah

riabish already miss you

yn miss you more

user who’s that?

franciscagomez : Who is that?👀

yn just daniel 😂

franciscagomez oh! yeah okay. Text me when you’re back, gotta have a girls day😔

yn will do ml

❤️

-

yn

liked by landonorris, danielriccardo, carmenmundt and 937.168 others

yn personal bag carrier and me for life 🤞💙

*tagged danielriccardo*

danielriccardo I get better pics than your brother, I am honoured 😂

yn he’s ugly, you’re not

danielriccardo 😘😘

user oh?

user danielyn is still thriving yall

user hold on, did she fly all the way to australia for him?!

user seems like it..

user they’ve been friends

user are they?

user yall keep making it weird

landonorris at least you’re spending his money, not mine

yn I have my own money, thank you very much

landonorris and for what did you pay?

yn mcdonald’s…

danielriccardo I had to repay her somehow?

landonorris no wonder she’s so spoiled

yn i’m not??

-

You both sit down on the edge of the boat and admire the now sinking sun “So how’s it going?” Daniel asked rather quietly “With what?” You lean on the back of the small seating area “Fewtrell” He turns his head, also leaning against the back.

“Can we not talk about him? He’s been getting on my nerves quite often lately” You say, directing your attention back to the sunset “Have you ever told lando what really happened?” His eyes were still fixed on you

“No. What would I say? Oh hey lando, have I told you that your sister and your best friend don’t like each other because he refused to take her virginity and felt like he would go against moral codes so he rejected her in a way that made her self conscious for years and never lose her virginity?” You say, still looking at the sunset.

“Yeah okay maybe- Wait what? You’re still a virgin?” Curiosity bubbled up in Daniel. Your cheeks turned red “Forget that part, I didn’t and wont ever.” Daniel sits up more straight “You..what?!”

“Daniel, let it go. Why is that such a big deal?” You say and look at him. His face full of shock “Yn, you’re one of the most beautiful and kind people. I just.. I thought you may have a boyfriend by now and..”

You shake your head “Nope.” He raised his eyebrows “Oh dear” “I’m not missing out on much here, daniel”

He laughs “If he’s just focused on himself, definitely not. But if it’s someone who takes your pleasure first..” His voice quietens and his eyes drop for a moment “Let’s just enjoy the sunset. I don’t wanna talk about this anymore” You say, still blushing.

He nods and settles back next to you, arm finding its place around your shoulder. You lean your head on his shoulder and a comfortable silence settles over you.

“One last question” You groan and look at him “What now?”

“Did he like you back?” You sigh “Yeah, he just didn’t want to go behind landos back. I can’t be mad about that, they’ve been best friends forever but he could’ve at least let me down easy and not flaunt his new girlfriend in my face at every opportunity”

Daniel nods “He missed out, not you. Lando is just bark no bite” You chuckle “A bit, yeah” You settle back on his shoulder “I missed this” “What? Sunsets?”

“No you, you idiot” He laughed “oh! blame christian for dropping you.” You laugh “I’ll send him a letter to let him know” You laugh and so does he.

“Dumbass” “I know”

-

yn

liked by danielriccardo, alexandrasaintmleux and 826.647 others

yn australian canvas 🌅

tagged danielriccardo

danielriccardo 🧡🐨

alexandrasaintmleux the dress 😍

yn ❤️❤️

user how long has she been w daniel now??

user 5 days I believe

user the sunset is so pretty

user daniel omggg

-

“You’ve been awfully quiet” Lando looks at max who just rolls his eyes. Ethan nods “Yeah, what’s going on?” Max looks up at Lando “You do know that Daniel fancies her, right?” Max takes a bite from his food “He doesn’t.” Max raised an eyebrow “You sure? I’d think about how he acts around her.”

Even ethan quietened down, thinking about Max’s words. Lando stared at max, who simply kept eating. Landos phone lit up with a notification from you.

‘Hey lan, I’ll be staying a bit longer with Daniel. Hope you don’t mind, love you and see you soon!’

Lando made a face at his phone before responding. He set his phone down and looks at Max “He wouldn’t..right?” Max looks at him “How am I supposed to know?”

“The bloke it nice! He would be a good fit for your sister,no?” Ethan chimed in. Max glared at him for a second before turning his attention to his food “I mean, better than someone you don’t know at all?”

Lando nods, unsure what to make of the situation. He takes a sip of his drink before looking at Ethan “What if you just ask her?” He said, now picking up his own fork. Lando tapped his fingertips on the table.

“Just ask Lando. Otherwise you’ll be pacing around like a crazy person.” Ethan says, looking at max who completed ignored the conversation “He should just text her, right max?”

Max looks up “Sure. But don’t be surprised if you get a ‘Oh I would never!’ Why would she tell him the truth?” Ethan raised an eyebrow “Mate. I have no idea what your problem is with her, but it’s gotta stop.”

“I don’t have a problem”

“Sure. And lando drives for ferrari” Max rolls his eyes while lando stared at him “I’ll text her.”

Lando sets his phone down and looks at his friends “She says they’re friends.” Max pushed his plate away from him “That’s what everybody says.” Ethan now rolled his eyes “What is it with you and trying to make them seem like a couple? You’re a grumpy little gremlin.”

“I’m not. It’s obvious he likes her.” “Why do you care so much?” “I don’t. It’s just right lando knows, no?” Ethan sighs “I’m sure she’d have her reasons for not telling him”

“I just want her to be honest with me. Have I ever made her feel like she can’t trust me? I just want her to be happy” Lando sighs and sits back in his chair “Even if it’s one of my friends.” Max eyed him for a moment and clenched his jaw.

Before ethan could reply another message came through on Landos phone. Oliver had sent him a link.

-

f1gossip

289.649 likes

f1gossip Former redbull driver Daniel Riccardo and Lando Norris sister, Yn have been spotted looking rather cosy around australia. Could there be more than a simply friendship between the two?👀

user omg they would kinda be a good fit

user does lando know this?😭

user They’re cute

-

Lando stares at his phone in disbelief. Have you been lying to him? Since when has this been going on? Why would you lie?

Ethan looks concerned “Lando?” Lando looks up and flips his phone for the other two to see. Max raises his eyebrows and leans back “Told you.”

“She..” He sets his phone down rather defeated. Max clenched his jaw and stared at the window in the restaurant. You wouldn’t go for daniel, right? He had no right to wonder tho. You had moved on. He could still remember the hurt in your eyes when he had brought his ex girlfriend over that day.

The way you visibly shrunk in size. The way you were simply quiet. No one noticed. Except for him. He noticed every little thing. Every mood change. He studied every feature of yours, but he would never admit that.

So he sits there, staring at the window, wondering what could’ve been.

soooo, I really like this.. would anyone want a part 2?

[itsmemuffy]

Booksmart

Prompt:"do you like that?" "i like anything you do." + person a wants to be even closer to person b, so they take their hands under person b's shirt and grabs their chest. (x)

Contents: Logan Howlett (any version) x gender neutral reader, established relationship, 110% fluff

Author's note: I have a few stories in the works that are becoming way longer than expected, so I wanted to challenge myself to write something quick and simple ♡

Your footsteps echoed through the room, shoes clacking against glossy hardwood panels. Logan sat at the far end of the couch where you were coming up behind him, not acknowledging your presence. He lounged with his feet up on the coffee table in a way Charles would never fail to scold him for.

Of course, the man knew you were there. Logan had the beat of your walk memorized– steady strides with an eagerness in your step. He could practically see the sway of your hips from just listening to the sound. Still, the train of thought he was riding needed to get to it's destination before anything else. He wouldn't allow his focus to be broken just yet.

Firmly in his grasp was an old, weathered paperback. You doubt he found it in that condition. Perhaps it was something that has been in his possession for a long time. As you made your way around the couch, you watched Logan's eyes zig-zag as they moved down the walls of text.

He reads at a measured pace, taking in each word and their relation to another. Just as Logan turned to the next page, he feels you slump down into the cushion next to him. Still focused on his book, he gently placed his free hand on your knee to placate you for the time being.

You leaned into his side with a sigh of relief. Today had been a long one for the both of you. Now that you were beside him, all that tension finally had a chance to melt away. Logan felt the same as he traced lazy circles on your thigh. He wishes he was able to make time for more moments like these.

"I am starting to think I'm less interesting than a dead guy from the 18th century," you whine in faux offense, wrapping yourself around Logan's heavy arm.

He lets out an affectionate hum, sparing you a glance from the corner of his eye. "19th century, darlin'. Not too long ago, mind you." Logan shakes his arm out of your grasp to blanket it around your shoulders, pulling you in closer. "Ya got Thoreau off by 'bout a hundred years," he lowly rumbles into your ear, making you giggle.

Not too long ago? you thought. Maybe in the grand scheme of things, yes. But Logan's perpective throws you for a bit of a loop sometimes. Oh, how you wish you had the ability to peek into his mind. You've gotten closer to Logan than most people in his drawn-out life ever have, yet all you get is pieces of his story. Nothing even close to the full picture.

Even in his strong embrace, you longed to be closer. You wait until his attention is drawn back into the world of his novel. Then, you sneak your hands under the layers of clothing; his jacket, his flannel, his shirt, and finally his tank.

You run your palms from his stomach up to his chest, fingers combing through the thick fields of hair. Logan shifts and flexes under your touch. He pretends his focus hadn't been broken until the gentle scrape of your nails across his pecs illicits a deep grumble from his throat.

"Do you like that?" you tease, finally achieving the desired amount of closeness (or something near enough to it).

Logan turns his neck to look at you head-on. "I like anything you do," he replies. He stamps your lips with delicate kiss, letting your deliberate strokes to his torso hypnotize him until the end of the chapter.

[solarpunkani]

Things To Do To Maintain Hope In These Trying Times

Okay so look. This isn't the desireable outcome for me and my fellow solarpunks, but I personally find that I have two options right now--panic and wait for the worst; or dream of, hope for, and work towards the best that I can manage. And I prefer that second option. Is a single individual going to be able to remold the societal systems we find ourselves in, reshape the fabric of our government and turn everything for the better in the next four years? If someone can, it's not me.

But what I can do is do stuff to make things better, lighter, and more hopeful for myself and my community around me, through actions big and small. So here's what I plan to do, or hope to take on, to keep myself from absolutely doomspiraling. And if this list helps you, inspires you to take up an action I'm doing or to try something completely different, by all means that's amazing! What's more solarpunk than inspiring others to be more solarpunk?

Anyways

1: Trash Cleanups and Other Volunteering

I joined a mutual aid group a few months back and lately we've been doing a lot of trash clean ups, which I find really fun! It also helps feel like I'm making a tangible, helpful difference in my community--the areas look nicer for humans, there's less litter issues for plants and animals--it's just a general improvement! I have recently found nothing gets me fired up quite like a trash cleanup these days. I would also like to join more volunteering/mutual aid groups in the area, I'd just have to find ones that fit my current work schedule (and aren't a huge commute to and fro). Maybe someday this year I'll get the courage (and time) to join the Food Not Bombs in my city for a few events!

Maybe picking up trash at parks and ditches and intersections isn't going to improve the entire nation's situation, I'll never claim that it would. But improving the world around you, even a little bit, can help get the ball rolling for other changes--maybe people will start using a park more once its cleaned up, maybe native plants will reclaim that ditch and create a new habitat, maybe people will see us cleaning and see our flag and check out other stuff our organization does! Bit by bit, we're contributing to a brighter, cleaner future.

Maybe I'll get the courage to clean up some trash on my own, who knows.

2: Make Stuff With My Hands

This covers a lot of things, and not always a physical thing to hold. Maybe it's crocheting little plushies, or hats and cardigans, or anything I feel like to accomplish something. Maybe I'll learn to sew more things, or how to embroider. Maybe I'll draw, or write more short stories, or work on my longer projects.

Sure, some things can be made to give away or donate, or can be made with a specifically solarpunky end goal and message. But honestly, even if I'm not writing solarpunk short stories or drawing solarpunky art, if I'm writing or drawing anything it helps bring me hope--and brightens the day of my friends who enjoy it too!

3: Gardening and Sharing

It's winter as I'm writing this, which means its about time to dive headfirst into garden planning and seed starting! Even the process of watching something grow from a tiny little seed to a fully-grown plant brings me hope, and every different kind of plant gives hope for a different reason! My pollinator garden helps me take action to assist the native pollinator species by giving them a place to feed and grow, and the more kinds of native plants I provide the more habitat I create for them! And the fruits and vegetables I grow bring a sense of accomplishment with each harvest, and satisfaction as I share them with family, friends, and neighbors! I am still chasing the high of sharing bowls and bowls of tomatoes and peppers with my cul-de-sac.

In addition to my own personal garden, my volunteering group is looking into adopting an abandoned community garden and bringing it back to life! If we can (still waiting for approval), it'll bring access to fresh veggies and herbs to the nearby community, and if it goes well we may even try to take up more around town! I'm really, really excited about this project!!

Maybe sharing produce from my garden will inspire my neighbors to create their own (I'm already lowkey claiming credit for inspiring one neighbor to start growing tomatoes last year), and share their extra produce, and inspire more people to garden! Maybe talking about my pollinator garden and sharing seeds with my friends and coworkers will create more interest, and more habitat for for local creatures! Maybe if I yap about milkweed and tree snags hard enough, people will see the expanses of grass on the sides of the road differently, or find a different species to advocate for!

Then of course there's the possibility of guerrilla gardening. While there are a lot of reasons I haven't taken it up super hard yet (not finding good sites, not having a lot of money for throwaway seeds, not wanting to be a black woman in the south doing 'weird stuff' on the side of the road, etc), maybe I will. In any case, I have brought up the idea of scattering wildflower seeds at some of the sites we clean up to my volunteering group--if that idea gets taken up, that could in a sense be guerrilla gardening, right?

4: Clean My Goddamn Room

"Ani what does cleaning your room have to do with hope in these trying times" Clean room, clean mind, more room to start seeds, less environmental stress. Maybe just doing a few chores when I'm feeling anxious can help me take time to think things through instead of downspiraling, or can help me work my way through a plot hole in a story, or think of a new project to take up.

Maybe for you guys its not 'cleaning your room,' maybe its some other task. Sometimes doing a small, mundane task for yourself can give you the vibes and energy to take up another challenge!

5: Encouraging Others

I've said it before and I'll say it again, is there anything more solarpunk than encouraging other people to be more solarpunk?

Even if you aren't waxing poetic about the values and virtue of the solarpunk movement, being a source of hope and light for others can do a surprising amount to get things done! For example, if I personally can't muster the courage to go to an FNB event or a rally, or if something comes up and I suddenly find myself unable to garden this year or keep doing trash cleanups, if I--through talking about my hobbies or sharing resources on how to start or just existing and vibing with my gay little NPC bounce and chatting about sunflowers in a checkout line--inspire five other people to take up an action, that's five more people taking up an action. And that action can lead to them doing more and more, bigger and better things. If I help a friend feel better when they're feeling down, maybe they'll have the energy to help others, who'll then help others, and help make the world just that much brighter! Even if the action is unrelated to what I personally am doing, it'd still be a beautiful and amazing thing! If me sharing my crochet projects inspires someone else to take up leatherworking or sculpting or woodworking, that's still more creative energy in the world! If me talking about native wildflowers burgeons an interest in native trees, or grasses, or hell even something like green building design or community planning somehow, that's someone developing an entirely different skillset than I could ever imagine, which can be used to do amazing things!

I'm not gonna pretend like its going to be all sunshine and rainbows from here on out! We're still talking about the person who literally refused to leave the house yesterday because she was so anxious something might happen, after all. But if I'm given a choice between wallowing in misery and anxiety and despair, or doing anything I can--even the smallest things--to make things a little bit better and brighter for those around me? I know what my choice is.

[mueritos]

some autism thoughts!

so im feeling more and more comfortable with naming I'm autistic, both in public and online, and being open has come with some nice benefits. People who I felt strangely connected to during my program have re-entered my life (mostly cuz we have an overlapping schedule at some point during the week) and have told me about their journeys into getting assessed. A woman in my program who gave me a tangle fidget toy like 2 weeks into knowing me is thanking me for being so nonchalant about my autism. and i thanked her because she had with no hesitation given me that tangle when she noticed me picking at my skin, and now we are chatting about her writing down her symptoms and connecting on that.

similarly, being open about myself has allowed neurodivergent people around me to not fear being curious. they ask me questions, and I get the chance to ask questions back. a colleague of mine has a psychotic disorder that he's lived with his whole life, and I get to learn about his lived experience and what he's gone through because of sanism, and he gets to learn about my lived experience and how I struggle with social and sensory stuff. Similarly, I get to talk to my supervisor about his adhd, and he can make jokes about not needing a DSM-5 to diagnose me because he has worked extensively with autistic clients and knows that the diagnostic criteria does not speak at all to the lived experience of many autistics. It feels very validating to be seen by others and not be challenged on this part of me that feels very vulnerable, especially considering I'm still figuring it out and growing into it. And, at the same time, it feels so affirming to be able to work with autistic clients and be able to stim in session, allow them to take their time to speak, and approach them nonjudgementally. Some of my favorite sessions have been with people who can take up to 2-3 minutes of silence before responding to my questions! I just feel myself vibrate with excitement at the chance to let someone live their authentic self. I'll sit in as much silence needed if it means someone can have the time to process their thoughts.

at the same time, I carry a lot of anger. Anger that I can never go back to the way I lived just a few years ago. I spent over a year being severely to passively suicidal, barely holding onto life and the very foundation of my relationships to others, and I've come out an entirely new person. No longer do I feel the need to carry the burden of communication--I can only account for what I say and do. No longer do I feel the need to force myself out of the house when I don't want to, or to stay out later than wanted, or to pressure myself to say yes to other's because I should be doing things that other people my age are doing. I find so much joy and pleasure in sitting at home, in my pjs, watching video essays about Sonic the Hedgehog, or dinosaurs, or some youtuber drama. I am so so focused on making sure I never have to feel the way I did again, that I just cannot live the way I used to ever again.

i dunno! autism is weird and hard and fun and also a neutral thing about me. everyday I learn something new and try to strive for new coping techniques and joy :)

[coraniaid]

Actually, on reflection, I think I'm persuaded that the "poor Willow is a magical junkie now and it's not her fault :(" subplot in Season 6 is, contrary to what I've said before, actually the worst multi-episode subplot on Buffy.

Say what you like about the other two contenders for that honor: the non-mystery of "is Giles really the First Evil and why hasn't anyone thought to check yet?" or the banality of "shall we engage seriously with the fact Spike has a soul now and how that might change him as a person, or shall we just say that a mean ghost hypnotized him?". But neither of those plots involve a woman telling her significant other (and I am really not paraphrasing much at all here) "I don't like that you used magic to violate my mind and rob me of my ability to consent to our relationship, because it's not good for you".

Moreover:

While the two Season 7 subplots are both pretty bad and boring to watch and are certainly part of why I don't enjoy that season, I don't think removing or somehow rewriting either of them would automatically make the season much better. By contrast, the Willow subplot of Season 6 is the worst thing about that season -- one which I think otherwise had a lot of potential and is arguably the most ambitious season the show ever did -- and fixing it would improve the season as a whole a lot.

The Willow subplot also takes up a lot more of the show overall than the two Season 7 subplots do. Giles as the First is a complete waste of everyone's time, but it's also fully resolved in less than half a dozen episodes (we first get the fake out that Giles might be dead in Never Leave Me, the ninth episode of the season, and we see that he isn't in The Killer In Me, the thirteenth episode). The Spike hypnotic trigger lasts a lot longer, but it still over within about half a season. But the Willow subplot dominates most of Season 6 and also continues to have ramifications for WIllow's character development (or lack thereof) for the rest of the show.

It's easy, I think, to understand why the writers resorted to the two Season 7 plots. They needed some excuse for Buffy's friends to not trust Spike, but for various reasons are committed to the idea that having a soul means Spike himself is now inherently Good and Blameless and so the reasons not to trust him can't be related to anything he's ever chosen to do himself, it has to be something done to him against his will. And the writers obviously stopped caring about Giles as a character with any sort of inner life the very minute ASH asked to be partially written out of the show so he could move back to England. I honestly don't believe the writers were capable of writing good subplots for either Giles or Spike by this point, even if they'd tried. But the Willow subplot comes out of nowhere and completely derails what was going to be a really interesting story line about Willow that the show had been patiently building towards since at least Season 3 and arguably even longer.

More broadly, both the Season 7 plots are bad in part because they are attempts to make the First -- previously a forgettable monster of the week whose primary powers included 'making people who have done bad things feel suitably bad' and 'not being able to touch anything'; a plot device which Buffy herself already rightly dismissed as all talk all the way back in Season 3 ("I get it. You're evil. Do we have to chat about it all day?"). Of course they're not successful attempts: there's no way to make the First as menacing and important as the writers wish it was. Being annoyed at the way they fail almost seems like missing the point.

Most importantly, I can more cheerfully ignore the two Season 7 subplots because I don't really care about either Spike or Giles at this point of the show's run. But I like Willow, so it bothers me more that she's subjected to all this dreadfully bad writing and that her character never really quite recovers from it.

[cherryeclipses]

Dean Winchester x Angel!Reader 🪽 Fallen

tw: mentions of hell (not graphic)

Slow burn. She/her pronouns, minimal use of Y/N. Please ignore inconsistencies in the show/lore - it’s fan fiction!!

𓆩♡𓆪

Part I - 1st person POV

Such a good actress hiding all her pain

Caught between heaven and hell.

I was once a great solider, a follower, a dreamer. I am now a plaything, undesirable, a rebel.

When Sam Winchester opened the gate between hell and earth I was freed. At first I couldn’t believe it had finally happened, my wings spread wide as I sprung from the box I had been kept in for centuries and as if by fate I found my vessel instantly. Earth was just as beautiful as I remember it being centuries ago. Fresh air, the ocean that shimmers with the morning sunrise, humans with all their imperfections, empathy and freedom.

I spent a few days wandering the earth, I’m sure the Winchester brothers are trying to find a way to close the gate they unknowingly opened so I need to take this chance while I have it. As I’m sitting on a park bench, people watching I hear a very familiar deep voice. “Y/N?” “Castiel?!” I spring to my feet to embrace him in a hug. He stiffens, as my arms wrap around him “What are you doing here?” Castiel asks. “You ask as if you don’t already know.” I reply, standing back to get a good look at his vessel. “You can't possibly think I would stay in that torture chamber a moment longer once Sam unlocked the door." "Cas, who is this?" Dean interrupts. "This is Y/N, an angel." Castiel replies. "An angel...but you came from hell?" Sam questions. My shoulders drop, I didn't imagine running into any of my brothers or sisters here on earth, let alone any humans I would have to explain my story to. I just smile and say "Yes, an angel that came from hell, that shouldn't be too surprising since I'm sure you know I'm not the only one." Sam and Dean stand there looking stunned, not sure weather they need to draw their weapons or interrogate me. "Look Castiel, I can see you have more pressing matters to deal with, I am so happy to see you again but -" "Come with us, you can help." Castiel interrupts. I look at him wide eyed. I haven't seen my brother in centuries and I'm sure my reputation in heaven is not exemplary so why would he want my help. Dean pulls Castiel aside but not far enough away for me to not hear them, "Dude, come on another angel from hell? Doesn't that make her some sort of she-devil or something?" "No Dean, Y/N is nothing like Lucifer. She can help us better than anyone." Castiel explains and he walks over to me "Please come. Selfishly I don't want to lose my best friend again." How can I say no to that?!

[sunnemona]

☆2024 has been so difficult for me, and i want to end the year off on a high note by thanking everyone who’s been there for me through it.

☆thank you for talking to me. thank you for listening to me talk to you in return. thank you for staying on vc with me to play games or talk or draw or cry together. thank you for keeping my secrets. thank you for telling me yours. thank you for the gifts you’ve given me. thank you for the advice you’ve offered when i needed help. thank you for the silly messages you've sent me unprompted—it is so joyous to be remembered when i’m not around. thank you for making me feel safe. thank you for letting me stay by your side. thank you for staying by mine.

☆the passage of time is so scary to me, i think. once things are over you can never get them back—all you can do is move forward and hold the memories close to your heart. thank you for the memories you’ve given me, i will treasure them eternally. i am so happy that we get to keep moving forward together, from one year into the next.

☆to kia, diggs, casey, and everyone in sweaties gang; to wewa and rei; to lorel; to eliza and mitsu; to wiz and corbell; to alex, nash, geddon, and paperd; to worm and goldie; to candy and ashe; to haze, mono, benji, and chasm; to my partners (sasha, robin, and keith); to steel; to michael, and to collie;

i am so grateful i know you. i am so grateful we exist here, at the same time, together. thank you for everything. i love you, i love you, i love you.

@dreemurr-skelememer @digglesgiggles @megaloserrr @lollipopz-shop @popiplant @aoartmthebitxh @s3-izures @otterbup @kuvlarstuff @heartstitched @thiccsys @b0tanicalb00ba @popiplant @rushroulett3 @wewawoomp @dagwmeno @onlyplatonicirl @elizakai @swiftmitsu @wizb1z @calciumdreams @psycho-chair @nashdoesstuff @unknownarmageddon @canine-teethed-sheets @fishfrypi @candy-cryptid @narrators1and2 @hazerun3 @monolite001 @bonejello @chasmbreach @xyriscomplanata @livinganime14 @paddinglily @corvidmellow @lambradire-art @hackrusty

♡

[campbyler]

i really admire how u stand up for urselves with the release dates and headcanons and shit. so many people think they can walk all over writers who are putting in so much work for them

thank you for saying this! i will say that we have received far more support than we have anything to the contrary, and we certainly haven't handled every situation that's fallen into our laps completely perfectly, but i do think there has been some mind boggling behavior we've been presented with and it's not something we were really anticipating having to react to. i'm beating a dead horse at this point, but we never imagined just how much attention this fic would get, and while it is so cool and fun and rewarding 99% of the time, there is that 1% that is unfortunately very loud sometimes. suni and i are sensitive people at best, and while we are good at ignoring when things get too rowdy, there are times that we have to put our foot down -- namely, when people are a) trying to stake a claim in ownership over this universe and dictate things about characters they had no hand in developing and b) putting us on a pedestal and turning our relationship with our readers into something corporate (not the band). to be dogpiled on after disagreeing with a headcanon (that was phrased as a question, mind you, and became a big deal when they didn't get the answer they wanted) or sent rude asks because life is making it hard to get an upload out are things that we think are hostile in a way that we haven't been. which again, is not to say we are perfect -- we get sassy, we can be really reactive -- but we both definitely believe in matching energy, and when things escalate we will rise to it. lol. we are so glad that we have this community of people who share the same passion for this universe that we do, and even more glad that the majority of that community is so respectful of us and our choices and give us space to be human, whether that mean standing up for ourselves or taking 6 months between uploads. it's been so reassuring to know that the work we put into this fic and this universe is not transactional 💗

[icewindandboringhorror]

I've referenced before how I have a big google document to keep track of every media I've ever seen in my entire life (just for reference because I like to track everything possible lol… I am the Data Collector), but recently as I was updating it, I thought of actually evaluating them to find out random percentages (like for example, out of Total Shows Watched, what percentage did I finish vs. stop watching, what percentage did I like or dislike, etc.)...

Evaluating these things is made easier by the fact that I already place everything on each subsection of the list into 6 broad ranking categories, so I don't have to go back and guess to figure out how I feel about them or anything. The categories are: Ranking 5 - overall best* (despite some criticisms of course because I'm too much of an Analyzer to ever find anything Perfect lol) Ranking 4 - more positive than neutral, but not good enough to be 5 Ranking 3 - either the good + bad negate each other, OR it's just not memorable/interesting in any way enough to be ranked higher or lower (this is the Default category ALL things are placed in if no other rank applies) Ranking 2 - maybe a few redeemable elements but largely more negatives than positives Ranking 1 - So bad that it circles around to being fascinating to observe in some way (not necessarily Funny, or Good, but just interesting somehow) Ranking 0 - Bad in a genuinely frustrating or obnoxious manner

*("best" primarily defined here as most interesting, rather than most good in a technical sense, or some other measure. I tend to value more highly whether there's something novel or thoughtful about the worldbuilding, tone, writing, base premise, etc - than about whether it's actually executed perfectly.)

And here's the amount of shows that have so far been placed into each category -

TV shows ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 20 shows ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 28 shows ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 114 shows ~ Rank 2 (mid low) -33 shows ~ Rank 1 (low low but intriguingly so) - 14 shows ~ Rank 0 (iredeemably low) - 2 shows

This would make for a total of 211 TV shows overall. However, there are 57 shows within these list marked as "didn't finish" (typically meaning I quit on the very first or second episode - but log them still to keep a record that I at least had a brief view of them).

So my total of genuinely fully watched shows would be more 154. 211 Total, but a More Accurate Total of 154.

Counting them all and using the Total Number Of The List (211) -- that means roughly 9.5% of all total shows I have ever watched (or at least attempted to watch) have been Mostly Good, 13% have been Moderately Okay, 54% have been either entirely Forgettable or some mix of good + bad that lands them right in the Neutral Middle, 15.6% have been Mostly Bad, 6.6% have been Bad (but in an interesting way), and 0.9% have been Terribly Bad.

Additionally, I didn't even get past the first two episodes of about 27% of the total.

Sooo, discounting ones I didn't finish, my total TV shows ever watched in my life would be about 154 (maybe give or take a few, assuming I might have forgotten some from very long ago).

But instead of entire life, let's just say this is the total for 'About 20 Years' (so, not counting very early childhood when I likely wouldn't remember things I saw/have no detailed recollection of them (like for example, I'm sure at some point when I was like 4yrs old I must have seen an episode of Spongebob or something, but I have zero distinct memories of it, can't quote anything of it, and barely recall the premise - so I don't count it on the list, etc.)).

In that case, 154 divided by 20 would be roughly 7.7 shows a year.

Which is actually surprisingly low considering that I often have stuff on in the background for hours whilst I make sculptures and do costumes and stuff (maybe I should have also marked some distinction between 'things I fully paid attention to' and 'things I kind of half listened to whilst sculpting', but that would further split the categories too much probably lol), but I guess a lot of that is youtube videos or random documentaries, so .. eh.. maybe I get it being lower.

Now, doing the same thing for movies-

Movies ~ Rank 5 (highest) - 4 movies (3.4% of total) ~ Rank 4 (mid-high) - 12 movies (10.3% of total) ~ Rank 3 (neutral/default/meh) - 91 movies (78.4% of total) ~ Rank 2 (mid low) - 8 movies (6.8% of total) ~ Rank 1 (low but interesting) - 1 movie (0.8% of total) ~ Rank 0 (irredeemably low) - none in this category (0%)

That makes 116 for a Total (Actually Remembered) Movies Watched In Lifetime (Or At Least In 20 Years).

116 divided by 20 is roughly 5 or 6 movies a year (I feel this has probably been skewed though by adding everything since like elementary school onwards, as I remember a lot more movies from child/teen years.. Whereas, the past 3 years I feel like I've barely seen maybe even 5 movies?? lol). I also have "Didn't Finish" marked on 18 of them. Which means I quit halfway through about 15% of the total movies.

So, a for broader summary stuff..

I seem to be less forgiving to movies than tv shows, by far. Which makes sense to me, I guess, because I love elaboration and details, so "short form" things that only last an hour or two are often lost on me a bit. My biggest complaint with movies is indeed usually walking away just wishing there had been more exposition, more scenes where characters are doing nothing, more "mindless bantering" conversations, more Quiet Downtime and Lore Elaboration and so on lol, so... of course most 1-2hr films end up feeling a bit Not Enough To Draw My Interest/Nothingy to me.

If you count 5 and 4 as "like" and rankings 2 to 0 as "dislike", then for TV shows I at least somewhat liked 48 of them, and at least somewhat disliked 47 of them.. So it's almost exactly the same lol. I'm just about equally as likely to find something bad as I am to find something redeeming about it. But overall, the largest chance is that I just won't really care much for it at all and it will be tossed into the 'neutral' pile, forgotten forever. Movies have a bit better of a balance, "liking" 16 of them, and "disliking" only 9 of them. So I'm slightly more likely to enjoy a movie than to find it annoying - though still VASTLY more likely to just not find it anything in particular, possibly not even finishing it.

ANYWAY.. this is vague and literally pointless, but like I said, I just really find information fun. Like my document where I've rated every apple flavor I've ever tried (like 40 of them now?), or reviewed every oreo flavor (32?), or ranking data from my entire 10 years of Trying To Make Friends process (out of 100 people, roughly 8% chance of a moderate compatibility, 3% chance of high), or etc. etc.. I love to have random pointless things to analyze I suppose lol.

I doubt anyone tracks things in their life in this same exact way, but I'd be interested in hearing any at least somewhat similar data !!! (like, how many TV shows you watch a year on average, and what percentage of those you like vs. dislike (if you keep track of that sort of thing), etc.)). I guess it might be easier with movies, since I think some people use those websites where you curate a list of movies you've seen and you can rate them or something, so maybe the numbers are already available on those places. :0

[rubber-glovs]

Oooohhh the urge to yap about my ocs and the world they live in......

[herefortheships]

I have a long af post in my drafts, a rambling essay I haven't finished writing about Beetlebabes and purity culture now vs the 80s, 90s, and 2000s.

I also have another post where I'm putting together all the romance beats in Beetlejuice Beetlejuice (following the Romancing the Beat romance structure beat sheet).

And finally I also have two more Beetlejuice posts I haven't finished, one about Betelgeuse's role in the first film vs the second, and one is just a response to another post I never finished typing because I started it days ago in the morning and I had to leave so I couldn't finish it, and then I lost my thread of thoughts, so maybe I won't finish that one. Maybe lol. It was an interesting post about Lydia I wanted to add my thoughts to.

[wild-at-mind]

When you tell people they should be sending every spare penny to their chosen Gaza fundraiser or they are Bad. But then it all gets a bit too stressful so you have to leave tumblr. :(

[enhanced-operatives-division]

One day I'll draw the ieytd cast with all the flower imagery i want