#(I also thought I'd made it explicitly clear

[ratbefriender]

disco was soooo good. such pain when it has to end. any fav or worst character decisions and/or quest stories that stuck with you??

Hi there!! God it WAS so good. I was gifted it by some friends who had only played through the first 20 minutes and who couldn't even explain the game to me, only citing it was "so weird" and that I would either "hate it or love it". Well I LOVED IT. So joke's on them for spending their money well. One of my first thoughts was, indeed, this game is so weird, but after a little while it really wasn't weird anymore. Nothing was. Loved the skills system, loved the everything about it, it was so packed with things that either made me think or made me laugh, and the narration. Such a treat to get taken on long, poetic narrative journeys. Occasionally some got a little bit boring but I recognize that that's on me for choosing that dialogue tree. Well played Disco Elysium...

My favourite character was without a question mr Lieutenant Kim Kitsuragi, I am in love with him and I hear everything in his voice now (a good thing). He has a new cozy place in the top ranks of my favourite characters list. Now things that stuck with me...

We went to look for Ruby and I made... The Wrong Decision and seeing what happened definitely stuck with me. I know I played a middle aged cop haunted by his past decisions the entire game, but I really was a middle aged cop haunted by his past decisions in that moment. Then the Big Scene That Followed- Kim and I nearly died and I CRIED, I DID. Oh, both the dream sequences I got (I don't know if there are more) stuck with me tremendously too. Dreams can be so beautifully done in videogames and they were. And just entering the church... also stuck with me... it looked very imposing and beautiful...

Also loved when I nearly died from sitting in a chair.

I need to go back to play more because I left things unfinished, since my little clown ass didn't realize I was nearing a point where I couldn't go back anymore, despite the repeated warnings that I was nearing a point where I couldn't go back anymore. But I loved it!! Thank you so much for asking. Any Disco Elysium chat is super welcome in my dm's <33

[shadowtraveled]

"mithrun is the only real monsterfucker in dungeon meshi" is objectively the funniest bit you can get out of his everything, but in all seriousness i think his attraction to his love interest is deliberately overstated—and that makes sense, because romantic jealousy is a classic and digestible motive, which is explicitly what kabru was aiming for in condensing mithrun's backstory, and also because until chapter 94, mithrun wasn't willing to admit to the true nature of his desires.

but because romantic envy is both classic and digestible, it probably isn’t a unique enough or complicated enough desire to tempt a demon’s appetite. mithrun’s wish, as far as we can figure from kabru’s reduced retelling, was to have a life in which he had never become one of the canaries, and that carries like 3857 implications and desires within it. that’s delicious. his love interest acts as sort of a red herring to his motivation for making it, though. (side note: i'm saying "love interest" here because, keeping in mind that i barely speak japanese on a good day anymore, "想い人" is something i'd usually take as just kind of an old-fashioned and romantic way to refer to a lover, but in context i wonder if both the connotation of yearning and the vagueness are intentional, and i think this phrasing gets those aspects of it more effectively. anyway.)

mithrun considered his love interest to be untrustworthy. there was a minute where i thought that comment might be about a similar-looking elf (yugin, one of his squad members), but comparing the two…

the "sketchy" arrow is definitely referring to the elf we know as his love interest—the bangs go toward her right, she only has the one forehead ornament, and, most notably, her ears aren't notched.

every time she’s given a full-body depiction in his dungeon, she’s drawn as a chimera, with the body of a snake from the waist down. (side note: the “what if a dungeon has chimeras before reaching level 4?”/“then the dungeon lord is unstable” exchange just being mithrun grilling his past self alive is so funny. he’s so. but anyway) there are a couple things about this.

first, the snake part of the chimera appears to be modeled after some species of coral snake mimic

which, in the biology-for-fun manga, i… doubt is a coincidence, especially with the added context of the “untrustworthy” comment. the dungeon’s conjured illusion of mithrun’s love interest was a harmless copycat of a venomous original. for whatever reason, he felt this person was a threat and made up a "safe" version of her to be in a relationship with, and while it’s definitely possible to be attracted to or even love someone you find to be toxic and/or intimidating, when you take that into consideration alongside the configuration of her body, you get some interesting implications.

which brings us to our second point: if we assume that mithrun was not in fact fucking a snake, then sexual attraction, at least, was so far removed from his idea of a relationship with this person that he did not even bother to keep her dungeon copy human enough to maintain the illusion of the option of a sexual relationship. this is somewhat echoed in the depictions of their interactions, which also imply a frankly unexpected romantic distance. she kisses his cheek and he doesn't seem to react; she's at the edge of a narrow bed with only one set of pillows, on top of his blankets while he's underneath them.

the kiss is particularly interesting because it seems to contrast the text. kabru's narration tells us this was everything mithrun could have asked for, but mithrun is there looking unreadable to pensive, likely because this is right before the panel that makes it clear things in the dungeon are beginning to go wrong.

walking through this backwards for a minute, we have the physical barrier of his bedding and the spatial separation inherent in a bed made for one person, the emotional barrier of his mounting anxiety getting in the way of his ability to enjoy the affection he sought, and... the snake, which historically carries the connotation of temptation, yes, but also mistrust, barring physical intimacy. okay. ok. if a dungeon reflects the mentality of its lord, all of this might suggest that mithrun was not able to have any real desire for a relationship with this person. his unwillingness to be vulnerable or let another person in was insurmountable. but in that case, why was she such a focal point that she remained to the end, after his dungeon had stopped creating iterations of his friends to come and visit him? why would he get so upset over her meeting with his brother that he became lord of a dungeon about it?

well. mithrun's brother was also interested in her, probably genuinely. and mithrun had to win.

you have an older brother who your parents completely ignore, probably in part because he is chronically ill/disabled and almost definitely in part because he received a ton of recessive traits that resulted in rumors that he was an illegitimate child. you are aware, most likely because those same parents fucking told you, that you actually are an illegitimate child. but they keep you around because you had the good fortune of looking just like your mother. what can that possibly teach you but that you, like your brother, are disposable?

it's utterly unsurprising that mithrun, under these circumstances, developed a pathological need to be better than everyone around him. people don't keep you otherwise. i'd argue this is also why he says he looked down on everyone he knew while milsiril claims his dungeon reeked of feelings of inferiority—he sought out people's worst traits and prioritized them in his mind to protect his already extremely fragile sense of self-worth, and all the while he tried to be as likable and high-performing as he possibly could be. his parents disposed of him anyway, but even then he tried to keep up the performance. he was kind to everyone. he never once lost to a dungeon.

when he saw his "love interest" meeting up with his brother, what he saw was himself being replaced by a person his parents had always treated as worthless, and if that was what they thought of the child they'd kept, what value could anyone possibly see in the bastard they'd given away to die? mithrun and kabru tell the story like he wanted to win this unnamed elf's heart, but it was never about being with her. it was about cementing his worth, proving that he didn't deserve to be thrown away.

and so it's particularly cruel that his demon discarded him, too. but maybe it's also particularly gentle that, in the end, there was someone who refused to even consider giving up on him.

kui laid it out in three panels better than i could hope to.

yeah. it's love. you wanted to be loved, even when the only way you were able to understand it was through the desire to be wanted, and you wanted that so badly that the idea of being consumed felt like the promise of finally mattering to someone.

[virahaus]

Another day, another time to debunk shitty takes I see online.

I've seen a multiple of people pointing out that "we don't know anything about Tommy" and how could people ship him with Buck (nevermind that the ship is canon and always will remain so) when we know so little about him?

First of all, I'd actually make a point to say that we as of now already know more about him then all the other LI that Buck or Eddie ever had in the show.

I shall make you a list, so that you may remember it more easily:

- He likes cars and he's a good mechanic (extrapolated by the fact that Eddie explicitly said that fixed/improved his engine)

- He likes playing basketball and he's also quite competitive ("we'll make short work of them" said in reference of Buck and Chim)

- He's sarcastic (the closet line)

- His favourite film is "Love, Actually"

- He loves Monster Truck and Craft Beer, and MMA

- He has a big scar on his chest and it came from a fire in a factory

- He's a very skilled pilot, able to manoeuvre in a hurrican, and doesn't waver in the face of danger

- He likes watching and practicing Muay Thai

- He was a pilot in the army

- He only came out when he started working in Harbor, but prefers not to publicise his sexuality

- He doesn't like Bella Swan (and it's implied he might like Jacob more) and he watched the Twilight movies

- He likes to drive his friends to events

- He has friends that can get him high up tickets for shows in Vegas

- He has permission to fly airplanes for personal reasons when he's not on the clock

- He likes to be helpful and he's thoughtful (driving Eddie to check out his sprain, going to Buck's to clear out the air without prompt, immediately agreeing in helping the 118 with the whole ship operation, trying to get Buck to be at ease on their date)

- He's loyal (he didn't rat the others out when the chief called on their way to Bobby)

- He's a smooth flirt

- He can do a mean mouth static (at least in his opinion)

- He pays the bill on first dates

- He is very much the definition of carpe diem (kissing buck was very much shooting his shot)

- He checks for consent

- He kept contact with Chim ever after he left the 118

- Chim called him for help in the episode Broken

- He went to the 217 and opened the spot for Buck at the 118

- He participated in the betting pool Hen made on how long Bobby would last at the 118 captain

- He apologises when he's in the wrong and is shown to be able to correct his behaviour

- He doesn't like chickens (lol)

- He likes the film fight club and can quote it

- Implies to have dated people he met on a call

See? We know quite a lot actually. So you may get off your high horse how about that.

I don't think I missed anything but do let me know.

[galedekarios]

gale & his mother, morena dekarios

i thought it'd be nice to have a place to compile everything i could find about gale's mother, morena dekarios.

the first time you as the player get a vague mention about gale's parents is after saving mirkon, when gale brings up a story about his parents denying him a kitten when he was still a child:

Gale: One time my parents denied me akitten, so I summoned myself a tressym.

if you play a gale origin playthrough, you get a mention of her much earlier from tara, after she joins the camp.

this is a camp dialogue with its variants from act i:

Tara the Tressym: Well, if it isn't my favourite fellow himself. Player: How are things back in Waterdeep? Tara the Tressym: More or less the same - though news of some mad faction calling themselves 'Absolutists' is starting to trickle in. Tara the Tressym: I told your mother not to worry. That if they were anything to worry about, Baldur's Gate would handle things quick-sharp. Keep them from spreading their tendrils north. She still wants to know when she'll see you again, sir. I avoid giving any answers. But she misses you. Player: I miss her too. Tara the Tressym: I'll tell her. With my Cat Flap of Displacement, I can afford the occasional visit. I'd bring you along, if I could. Perhaps some day. - Player: I can't risk putting her in danger. Tara the Tressym: I know that, but she doesn't. She'd keel over if she knew just how you'd tried to manipulate the Weave. Or maybe she'd just say something like, 'My Gale always was one to make the impossible possible.' Oh, but she adores you. - Player: No more guilt trips, Tara. Please. Tara the Tressym: But then whatever will we talk about? Anyhow - I'm keeping my senses pricked for any sign of another item that might be of use to you. Hopefully something will turn up soon.

it's clear from the dialogue that gale's mother worries about him and loves him - adores him, really.

it also becomes clear that she doesn't know what happened to gale and that he nor tara has not told her.

another mention from act i, again from tara:

Tara the Tressym: Please tell me you've at least made inroads when it comes to finding someone to settle down with. Myself and Mrs Dekarios are starting to think you intend to die alone. Player: You've been visiting my mother? Tara the Tressym: Naturally. After you abandoned her, there was only me left to keep her company. She's very good company, though. Ah, the stories we've traded over toast and tea. You're a highly entertaining source of speculation. But speculation only goes so far! Tell me, Mr Dekarios - how have you been?

tara and morena are implied to have tea together regularly enough to trade stories about gale. tara is implied to be a sort of messenger between the two of them, likely after gale's isolation and subsequent abduction by the nautiloid, keeping morena informed, yet without revealing gale's secret and shame.

the devnotes also state that tara loves morena - high praise since other devnotes states that tara hates everyone except gale - and that she talks of her in an affectionate tone.

this is a dialogue in act ii after mystra has tasked gale to use the orb the moment he finds the heart of the absolute:

Tara the Tressym: Promise me, Gale. Promise me you'll find another way. Promise me you'll return home, when this is all over. Player: I can't make that promise, Tara. Tara the Tressym: You're going to kill me. And your mother. And then there'll be no one to mourn you when you've wasted yourself for no good reason at all.

i find it very interesting here in terms of other relationships that tara explicitly says that there will be no one to mourn gale except morena and her should he heed mystra's instructions and sacrifice himself. it speaks of the bond between tara, morena and gale - but also even more of gale's isolation and loneliness. we know from tara that she considers herself to be gale's only old friend and gale echoes as much. we also know that gale describes the dekarios family as the dekarios clan, that is "scattered" far and wide.

at the same time, the loud silence about gale's father becomes really apparent again. a while ago, i speculated about gale's father and i truly do still think that he abandoned morena and gale.

another snippet from an act ii convo, before gale reveals the details of elminster's letter to tara (or chosing to keep it to himself):

Tara the Tressym: I'm not one to pry. I'd rather make up all the juicy details myself over tea with your mother.

which again ties in with a similar line from act i, further cementing the fact that this is a regular thing between tara and morena.

still in act ii, tara says this if gale asks her if she'll still love him if he is a mindflayer:

Player: Will you love me when I'm a mind flayer? Tara the Tressym: Depends. Are mind flayers warm-blooded? If so, my prize napping spot on your lap won't be compromised. In which case, I suppose we could find an accord. And, of course, your mother would still think you a prince, no matter how many tentacles you had. And with a nautiloid, you may even manage to visit her more often.

again, gale's mother truly adores him. tara is utterly convinced she'd love him even if he'd turn into a mind flayer. at the same time, the dialogue again hammers home the fact that gale's been keeping his distance from his mother after he has acquired the orb.

the following lines are a compilation of some of tara's lines from act iii, all once again stating that she is a messenger between gale and morena, keeping morena informed about gale's well-being, while also looking after morena in gale's absence from waterdeep:

Tara the Tressym: You're almost at the end of this, Gale. You're nearly there. And not a moment too soon. Myself, I must away to Waterdeep. Your mother will be worried silly not to have heard from either of us - and now I can bring her the good news. When this is all over I'll be waiting for you, with a crackling fire and good book at the ready. Good luck, darling. - Tara the Tressym: I'm well past due to return to Waterdeep. I'm going to tell your mother that you'll be home soon. Don't make a liar of me, darling. - Tara the Tressym: I'll have to make up some good news for your dear mother, then. I'm going home, Gale. To look after Mrs Dekarios, and to remind you that there are people waiting for you in Waterdeep.

going back to companion gale, the next mention of gale's mother after saving mirkon, is from gale in an ambient with karlach:

Gale: I don't suppose you've any clue where we are in relation to Waterdeep? Karlach: From this distance between Elturel and Baldur's Gate, I'd say... a long way away.devnote Gale: Ah. That will make getting word to my mother rather tricky. No matter - what she doesn't know can't hurt her. Not at this distance, anyway.

it echoes the lines of dialogue that origin gale has, believing he endangers his mother with his condition and thus keeping his distance.

gale mentions his mother in an act iii dialogue after meeting tara on the rooftop of the open hand temple:

Gale: My tower in Waterdeep boasts an excellent kitchen and a wine cellar to rival Ondal himself. Not to mention a larder stocked with my homemade hundur sauce. Player: Hundur sauce? Gale: A Waterdhavian delicacy, spiced to leave exactly the right amount of heat lingering on the tongue, and served with that most sharp-toothed of aquarian residents, the quipper fish. I make it to my mother's recipe. It packs quite a wallop. As does she.

we know that gale's the designated camp cook from a conversation with wyll, and i think the conversation makes it fair to assume that gale's mother taught him how to cook.

still, maybe it's because i'm not a native english speaker and i might be missing some cultural context here, but the line "it packs quite a wallop. as does she." stuck out to me:

wallop. to hit something / someone hard.

this could mean that gale's seen her hit someone and packing quite a punch behind it. with what's been described of morena so far, i doubt it's because gale's ever been on the receiving end of that.

or perhaps it's less literal and more in relation to her seemingly larger than life personality that gale also hints at later, describing his mother as "intimitable" and "sometimes unavoidable". this description is from the following conversation that is currently sadly still bugged:

Player: So your last name is Dekarios? Gale: It is. Courtesy of my mother, the inimitable, dare I say it sometimes unavoidable, Morena Dekarios. It's been so long since I've used it. 'Gale Dekarios' cut a poor figure next to the wizard prowess of 'Gale of Waterdeep'. Player: Gale Dekarios... I think I like him more. Gale: You like to many things about me I'd have sooner discarded... Your generosity is quite wonderful. Gale Dekarios likes you too. Very, very much. Though let's keep his exitence between ourselves for now. - Player: Doesn't your matter mind? Gale: Oh, she's happy if I'm happy. Morena couldn't care one jot what I call myself. Tara's the real stickler for using it. Has done since I summoned her. I'd prefer you not follow her exmaple, if that's all the same to you. 'Gale' is more than sufficient. - Player: You're right. Just 'Gale is better. Gale: I agree. And on the plus side, if I get myself into any truly cataclystic straits during the remainder of our journey, my family name will go untarnished.

i love this banter so much and it makes me very sad that larian still hasn't fixed the issue of it not triggering. there's so much lore to explore here:

from gale dropping 'dekarios' in favour of 'of waterdeep', at first, to appear perhaps more grandiose, more suited to the ambitions he held when he was younger, to morena, apparently, not minding it, yet tara clinging to 'dekarios' (perhaps to keep gale's feet on solid ground as much as she could), to finally finding out that the reason that the gale we meet now is not using 'dekarios' still is because he doesn't wish to tarnish his family name should he indeed fall victim to the orb.

the last mention gale makes of his mother is during his act iii post final battle dialogue, in which he proposes to the player:

Gale: That being said, I wondered if you might consider accompanying me back to Waterdeep as a new member of the Dekarios clan? Player: Are you asking me to marry you? Gale: I suppose I am. Tara would be delighted. Not to mention my mother. But I'd be just as happy without such ceremony, so long as we're together.

this again mirrors what tara has been saying in her dialogue with an origin gale in act i: that morena and her were hoping he would find someone to find happiness with.

i think overall, even with only the very few bits and pieces we learn of morena, it's easy to tell that she truly loves and adores and cares her son, and that that love and care is clearly echoed back from gale to morena.

still, or perhaps more likely because of that love, gale keeps his secrets and his distance to morena because of the orb and the shame he feels he brought to his family.

it's all too easy to imagine that he wishes her to be proud of him and that he feels he has disappointed her and given her little reason to be proud of him in the same vein that he feels he has done with tara:

Gale: She'd [Tara] be most impressed by our efforts saving these tieflings. Proud, even. And I've given her little to be proud of recently.

anyhow, i hope i caught all mentions and that this was helpful to someone. 🖤

[warblogs17282]

I want to present another idea on how the scene where Blitz talks to his mother could go, and a bit on Blitz's self hatred.

But first, a little background.

It's very clear that Blitz still hates himself immensely for accidentally starting the fire that severely damaged Fizzarolli, and (very heavily implied) that also killed his own mother.

And I have three pieces of evidence that shows just how much Blitz hates himself, with it all tying back to the circus fire.

1: You're already aware of the fact that Blitz blacks out his face in pictures he's in with others, but it goes a bit further than that, he also did that to a picture of him when he was a child, interacting with the animals within the circus.

2. The fact that three out of the four memories we see in the trailer are of Fizzarolli, with the one exception also taking place in Ozzie's. Which shows us that Fizzarolli has always been on Blitz's mind a lot, even more so after the fire, and every time Blitz sees Fizzarolli in his mind, it just takes him right back to that circus fire, the source of most of Blitz's self-hatred.

There's another thing I'd like to add onto my point of 'Fizzarolli has always been on Blitz's mind a lot', that being, the fact that Blitz also clearly takes whatever Fizzarolli says to heart.

Which is clearly shown to us by,

Fizzarolli being one of the characters in Blitz's drug trip, and with him also saying, "You're gonna die alone, Blitzo!"

The real Fizzarolli at Ozzie's, saying "Last I checked, your love life is a pile of shit!"

And with Blitz very explicitly confirming that he took what Fizzarolli said to him during his drug trip and during Ozzie's to heart.

Sure you could argue Blitz only came out with that because he was drunk at the time, but I still believe that it shows just how much Blitz at least subconsciously cares about Fizzarolli and his opinions.

"Fuck, Fizz was right. I'm gonna die alone, aren't I? Just a wrinkly, old, withered, waste. Will you be there, Loonie?"

Fizzarolli used to resent Blitz, because he thought Blitz caused the fire on purpose, and seemingly just abandoned him. Which is why this memory comes back up again for Blitz, the sheer malice on Fizzarolli's face, the fact that the person Blitz cares about this much hated him just hurts so badly, and just because they made up in s2 e6 doesn't make that pain of the malice filled stare at Ozzie's go away, so while Blitz has indeed come a long way since that circus fire, he still hasn't forgiven himself for accidentally causing it, and all of those memories that we see in the trailer are just a reminder of that fact to Blitz, with them continuing to fuel Blitz's own self-hatred, even to this day.

Considering all of this, it's very clear that Blitz also hasn't forgiven himself for accidentally causing the fire that killed his own mother.

Finally, we can get onto my idea with all of that out of the way.

Pay attention to the floor in the next two pictures.

Notice the eye looking symbol in both of them? What that shows to me is that the scene with Blitz's mother also most likely takes place within the hotel, which also makes me suspect that the scene is a hallucination, not a flashback, and even if it's a hallucination of sorts, I feel like it'd still make sense that we see Blitz's before the fire self in this scene.

So, a potential idea I have that could go down in this scene is that the shapeshifter dude takes advantage of all of Blitz's self-hatred relating to the circus fire, by using a hallucination or something of the likes of Blitz's mother, playing into the fact that Blitz very clearly hasn't forgiven himself for accidentally causing the circus fire, and using that to crush Blitz further, by making the hallucination of Blitz's mother say or do something to make Blitz think that she'd hate him as well if she was still alive.

Which would tie into the scene where Blitz doesn't have his mother's necklace.

Obviously there's a bit of guesswork in this idea I came up with, but it still could very well happen in some way/form, which I'm really interested and scared to see how everything in this scene plays out.

[secularprolifeconspectus]

Hello! Sorry if it’s too political, but how do you think reproductive rights will change for women as Trump became a president again? Is it THAT bad or you think it’s mostly propaganda from mainstream media?

And what will change about abortions? Will they be banned or maybe some reforms? Is it better for pro-life movement or not? I’d be glad to hear your thoughts!

Great questions! This is a very political blog, so no worries about that lol.

I doubt that the reproductive landscape will change much because of Trump directly. He and Melania have both made it fairly clear that they are pro-choice (Melania explicitly in her memoir; Trump through his support of the abortion pill, opposition to a federal abortion ban, support of embryo destruction in IVF, and distaste of first-trimester state bans. Oh, and also the *rapist misogynist* thing). Now, what our GOP-lead senate will do? That's a little more promising, and frightening.

I strongly doubt that Trump (or even Republicans) will try to ban birth control/contraception, or to regulate sterilization; and if they do, they likely won't do it successfully. Those simply aren't popular takes. He might take a whack at surrogacy though, and he'll probably keep expanding the coercive power of the domestic infant adoption industry. It's also doubtful that he will do anything to support birth justice, especially in POC communities; if anything, his healthcare policies will probably cause further reproductive care deserts. And his immigration policies will cause thousands of abortions among refugees. It would be nice if he actually helped tackle sex trafficking. Maybe he will help protect pregnancy resource centers.

Trump seems pretty disgusted by later abortion, so he may swing his weight to help push through some state-level limitations. I hope he puts his money where his mouth is and signs off on the Born Alive Abortions Survivors Act, which will give the Born Alive Infant Protection Act some enforcement power to mandate life-saving care for abortion survivors. And perhaps he'll be vocal about regulations to end the dissection of live micropremies for research. If he's really as disturbed by "after-birth abortions" as he says he is, he'll support these initiatives.

My biggest hope is that he'll follow through on his word and pardon the abortion rescuers in prison, and that he'll rally his people to repeal the FACE Act, and then that he'll make a fuss about a congressional hearing for the DC Five. Those would be game-changers. We could actually bring back Rescue and get Justice for the Five.

Overall, is Trump better for the pro-life movement than a different right-winger? No, I think he's done massive damage to the reputation of the movement that will take years to overcome. The public doesn't trust us because of him. We must cut ties with Trumpism if we ever want to see a nonpartisan, popular pro-life movement. (We write about this in our book, btw.)

But is Trump better for the movement than Kamala? I'd say so. Kamala exhibited, not the least through her treatment of David Daleiden, but also through her remarks, that she was more than willing to suppress freedom of speech, press, and religion to protect Big Abortion. As well as to take away conscience protections for medical providers, and to eliminate the Hyde Amendment, thus not only forcing people to commit human rights violations, but also to pay for them through their taxes. That all sounds like fascism to me.

So, I'm aggrieved to have an overt fascist like Trump as our incoming president. He's going to get people killed and to ruin lives, and be an incompetent embarrassment for four years, no doubt. He does put democracy in danger. But, perhaps his overt threat will be enough to incite the people to organize against his fascism. Had Kamala won, I believe the people would have settled into complacency and accepted her covert fascism with open arms. I was truly terrified of this election, no matter the results. America has chosen the familiar threat.

If there's any other facets of reproductive justice that I missed and you want to hear about, feel free to send another ask.

[etirabys]

on jogging

I took up jogging 2.5 months ago. I'm going off the c25k schedule, which slowly ramps you up from couch potato fitness to being able to run a 5k. This was much more effective than just trying to get into jogging by mimicking other, fitter, joggers, which was what I did every previous time I briefly tried to get into jogging. I feel embarrassed for never having thought of this before – it's clear that 'my brain was off' in those times when I went mimicry-running.

One issue that made me get into jogging so ineffectively: I didn't realize how terrible my starting physical fitness was. I used to think I was… like… normal? No athlete, for sure, but I'm a "normal amount of miserable" on hikes (and can complete most of them), I'm an intermediate boulderer, I rarely notice activities I'm gated from because of fitness. But when I started c25k with three partners, none of whom regularly jogged, they were all significantly less winded than I was.

And for the first dang time in my life I explicitly had a thought that went, "I can run 1 minute before my body forces me to stop. My partners can run 3-4 minutes. Some people can run 30 minutes."

Once I actually had any sense of "jogging levels" it was so clear how close to the bottom I was when I started out. That gives me some hope that being much fitter will solve my fatigue problems?

I used to be able to run 1 minute, and now I can run 2. By one (terrible but also kind of reasonable?) metric, I'm twice as fit as I used to be. But a nontrivial fraction of the population can jog 30 consecutive minutes! It seems worth getting to that point to see what that does to my energy levels / cognition.

–

Also: I haven't been sticking to the c25k schedule. I go 1.5 times a week where it expects 3, and I stuck a level between week 2 and week 3 because the 1.5m->3m jump looked insane to me. I've been on that custom level 2.5 for a month. I had a mindblowing conversation with the giant and 81k yesterday where I went, yeah, I've been stuck at week 2.5 because I've felt unready for week 3. And they said, that's probably because you're not going enough.

What do you mean? I asked. I've run about a full session and a half session every week for four weeks. Isn't that the same as 3 full sessions every week for two weeks?

No, they said, surprised I didn't know this. There's an optimal timing. If you'd probably stuck literally to the c25k schedule you probably could have gone from level 2 to 3 in a week.

GYARJRGH? I said. FUSBARIJIJJLK?

(I still disbelieve the literal claim that I can go to level 3 after doing level 2 properly, but I believe them that I would be leveling up a lot faster if I stuck to the schedule)

–

Anyway, some things I'd like to say to my past self, who felt obligated to work out for fatigue issues and then proceeded to exercise very badly because there was such a big ugh field around the topic of exercise:

You do not realize how big the gap between you and even moderately athletic people is. This is good, actually. It means that the correct place to start is easier than you think.

You should try to do it like 3 times a week. Date a jock. There are some on tumblr

Consider starting this when you have positive pressure rather than negative pressure. When you're buckling under multiple joy-sparking projects and want to rise to the challenge, it will be much easier to start & stick to it than when you're an anhedonic lump who has nothing to look forward to, but knows that exercise will in theory make life better in some vague way.

[hawkinasock]

I feel like luocha would revive yanqing bc Yaoshi sees his (yanqing's) potential as a weapon for THEM, so THEY would send luocha to revive the boy and take him to the xianzhou to develop his skills so that THEY can control him in the future

Interesting. Ngl it makes me wonder if an event like that is what catalyzed Luocha's estrangement from the Abundance, assuming he is/was an emanator. It also makes me wonder how Yaoshi actually feels about the Xianzhou alliance. We know that The Hunt's entire purpose is to eradicate the Abundance, but is it ever clear if the feeling is mutual on Yaoshi's end? They seem so impassive and mellow from what little we've seen and heard of them, and they only take on the image of one particularly malevolent through the way in which the Xianzhou describes them, and the Xianzhou aren't exactly an unbiased source of information. Yaoshi creating what is essentially a sleeper agent is an interesting idea, but what if Yaoshi is genuine? What if Yanqing's entire existence is the thesis for their love?

Not to sound like some disciple lmao, but I think the idea of Yaoshi believing their power and ideology is as much a force for good as any other aeon is the kind of nuance I'd want the lore to lean into, and the potential irony put forth with the implication that Jing Yuan himself is using Yanqing as some kind of weapon can turn the tables in a super interesting way. Where the Abundance is the one committing the sin, in actuality, it's The Hunt.

Maybe I'm just a sucker for "the ones we thought were good aren't so innocent" pipeline. I've been having this sort of vibe ever since 2.4, during a very specific line from Huaiyan to Jing Yuan, where he made a firm stance in his belief that Jing Yuan's loyalty to the Xianzhou has "never wavered", to which Jing Yuan just... doesn't respond.

His expression only changes slightly, a faint furrow in his brows, then the camera just sits on him for a good couple seconds before Dan Heng speaks, and afterwards, Jing Yuan himself takes no part in the conversation for the next few lines. When he does, it's irrelevant to Huaiyan's original comment.

Idk it could be nothing, but with Jing Yuan already being incredibly suspicious in many ways, namely his guardianship over Yanqing, it makes me wonder if the entire Wardance arc was, to an extend, a red herring; a false sense of security. Now that hsr has explicitly brought up the possibility of an Arbiter General being disloyal and making two plot points out of it, the first being Feixiao's inner turmoil with the borisins and the second being TB defending Jing Yuan's innocence, I can't help but be even more suspicious of him.

I lost the plot a bit there... my bad. But to reconvene, I think it would be both plausible and in character for Yaoshi to revive one specific child, but I'm on the fence about their motivations being inherently malicious. Their power may be the cause of much pain and suffering, but as far as I can tell, they themselves don't see it that way. As biased as I admit I am about Yaoshi, I think that they would revive Yanqing simply because they love him.

I still think your theory, as cracked as it is, holds water. I'm fond of it, personally, if you can't already tell lmfao. Sorry this was a bit long btw. I just love to yap about my stupid little blorbos. Pls hit up my ask box again if you have more to say.

[aha-chuu]

Alhaitham and Kaveh's dynamic is interesting, because I've seen a lot of people say either "oh my god Kaveh is so mean" or "oh my god Alhaitham treats Kaveh terribly". But, quite importantly imo, in this quest Paimon remarks that she "doesn't know which one of them is more problematic".

I think when considering their relationship you need to look at intention. Do Hoyo want to villainise one of their popular husnandoes as a toxic asshole? No. Even the "villain" playable characters like Childe and Wanderer are nice/funny on occasion. Kaveh and Alhaitham's interactions are intended to be humorous, to make you gasp and say "oh wow I can't believe he just said that!".

Like, during the most recent story quest, for example. Kaveh accusing Alhaitham of having no empathy when he's clearly pretty emotionally stunted and decently moral is mean. But saying "At least I'd be a fungus with empathy!" Undercuts that - it's clear neither Alhaitham nor the player are suppose to take those words seriously.

Alhaitham dismissing Kaveh's field of work with "you work yourself to death just for a smile" is so belittling, but it's a retort to Kaveh saying his scribe job is at "rock bottom" in the Akademiya. Alhaitham isn't lashing out or trying to demean Kaveh in front of others (this interaction happens after the player has "left"); he's just continuing their verbal sparring match. I think people take this jab so seriously because it can be seen as a jab at a lot of people working out of passion, but in the context of the dialogue we're not supposed to regard it so deeply.

It's also fairly clear that nobody in game takes them seriously either. Tighnari says Kaveh is "as pent up as an anemo slime" in his Alhaitham voiceline - another funny quip - and Collei details how hard it was to suppress her laughter when Kaveh was talking about Alhaitham. Nobody thinks they're genuinely bad for one another, or that getting them separated is all that crucial.

Even the interactions in this story quest are just so silly and domestic: Kaveh can't get the painting straight, Alhaitham buys ugly furniture, they're arguing about rent and drink tabs, Kaveh is doing an unfair amount of housework and Alhaitham fucks off without entertaining his own guests. it's funny, or at least it is clearly intended to be.

I've heard that in the other dubs the VAs tones are different and it makes the lightheartedness clearer. Personally I've thought since their first interaction in the AQ that Alhaitham is having fun during their quarrels, and Kaveh is just melodramatic enough to act traumatised even if he isn't truly offended.

Then when it comes to whether their dynamic is supposed to be read platonically or romantically... Well Hoyo won't do anything canon, but it's hard to argue that there is no intentionality in how their relationship is portrayed. What other character(s) has an idle animation directly referencing their relationship with another character? How many other voicelines explicitly reference two characters as a pair? Nahida's Kaveh voiceline, Collei's, Tighnari's - I'm sure there are more. "Roommates" "senior & junior" "academic rivals" -> certainly there's a case to be made that they're just very close, but Kaveh and Alhaitham getting fifteen minutes of epilogue interaction in two different quests (where none of the content is related to either quest) says something. Fanservice, quite possibly.

Also Kaveh's line "We used to be friends, but not anymore"; I've seen plenty of people interpret this as "oh we're not friends, we're dating*". I think this is fun in fanon, but on a canon level it's basically a promise by Hoyo to fix (or explain) their current dynamic. Hoyo, for all their many faults, are detail orientated enough to follow up on such a line. Perhaps it will just be in Kaveh's voicelines/character stories, but I anticipate a future event or Kaveh hangout in relation to their bond. Nothing explicit, but more exploration. It's fairly clear Alhaitham and Kaveh are popular enough characters to warrant it.

All this to say: I have lots of thoughts. I have seen people call them toxic and (while idm the drama of that in fanon shipping) that isn't really the intended case in canon. Or, at the very least, the intention is not to to take their squabbling so seriously.

[sokkastyles]

Hey, love your blog! Something doesn't sit right with me about Aang's attachment problem. Didn't he let go of Katara? We see him give her up and then gets shot by Azula. But he still opened it. If that's the case, why is Aang still attached to her? And why is he braver about it? (Asking her for a dance and kissing her twice, not that kissing her was a good thing). Did overcoming his attachment meant he saw her as more (romantically) approachable? But it's weird for him to overcome an attachment while in the next episodes he's more in love than ever. What do you think?

Yeah, the thing is, getting rid of his attachment should make him romantically braver and should ultimately make him closer to Katara. Because the problem with Aang's attachment was that it was an insecure attachment. Which is what made him act in ways that reflected that insecurity, like being anxious that Katara would not reciprocate his feelings. This actually hindered his relationship with Katara in book one and two because it prevented him from being honest about his feelings with Katara for fear that she might reject him. (Remember the whole "I'd rather kiss you than die" debacle?) This insecurity about losing her is also why he imagined her in peril when the guru asked him to let his attachment go.

And no way, no way is Aang going to get over that insecure attachment in a moment when Katara is in dire danger, in the heat of battle, when he couldn't do it before when he was with the guru and we're explicitly shown that the thought of Katara in danger is what is keeping Aang tethered to that insecure attachment. It's just not possible. I don't believe it.

What would have happened if Azula's lightning had not neutralized that conflict by making it irrelevant, is that realistically, after failing to save Katara and Ba Sing Se, Aang should be more insecurely attached to Katara than ever. And that is what happens. He acts more on his feelings but in ways that show that he's more afraid than ever that Katara will not reciprocate, and that then translates to entitlement towards her and anger at her in Ember Island Players for not reciprocating his affection.

So not only does it not make narrative sense for Aang to be able to open his chakra when he did, the narrative carries on as if he didn't and the excuse they use for why Aang can't is "because Azula shot him with lightning." The plotline about Aang forming a more secure attachment to Katara is completely dropped in favor of putting the onus on Katara to reciprocate Aang's feelings.

That's a large part of why book three feels like a mess. It actually would have been a compelling narrative if Aang HAD learned to be more secure in his attachment to Katara. Which should not mean he doesn't love her, it means he's secure enough to accept it if she says no. Which actually would make him braver romantically because he would not be afraid of rejection. So much of Katara and Aang's narrative feels like nice guy bullshit because the narrative blames Katara for not automatically returning Aang's love instead of having Aang pluck up the courage to actually ask her out. The reason so called "nice guys" always think that girls love jerks instead of them is that they don't realize that you actually have to ask a girl out to get her to be your girlfriend, instead of waiting for her to just fall into your lap because you're too terrified she will say no. And by the time Aang does make his intentions clear to Katara, it's "why aren't we together?" instead of actually asking her how she feels and what she wants.

And I've theorized that it actually was the original intention to have Aang go through a period of being more insecure in his relationship with Katara than ever before learning to be more secure in his relationship and thus unlocking the Avatar State, also rounding out the parallels between Aang and Zuko in book three, which also feel like missed opportunities that are never really followed through, most likely because the writers were either unwilling or unable to take the same risks with Aang's narrative as they did with Zuko's.

[nebraska-is-a-myth]

Abuse in 'Runaway Max': A Stranger Things criticism

One thing I know to keep in mind is that the book is told from Max’s perspective, so it's her eyes we experience the world from, and her opinions that guide us through the story. For that we have to value her as a somewhat unreliable narrator, considering she is thirteen at the time and dosnt understand certain things.

A quick timeline to keep in mind because the book handles time very messily:

Billy has just turned 17 by the time Max and Billy first meet.

After Halloween in season 2, Max says she’s known Billy for 7 months, which takes us back to early May.

They move in together three weeks after the wedding in late June, meaning Max and Billy have lived together for a total of 5 months by the time they get to Hawkins.

Neil confiscates Billy's car keys for two months in June, so I’ve taken an educated guess that Max first witnesses Neil's abuse somewhere around august, then in September/October Billy breaks Max’s friends arm, leaving for Hawkins late October.

Now onto the deep dive:

In 'Runaway Max', we learn about the terrible Hargrove family dynamic, and how the Mayfield's learn to navigate that. Max gets a very graphic front row seat of Billy's abuse in chapter 10, and during that chapter Max responds to that situation as any 13 year old would, scared and confused. Despite this however, Billy's image doesn't change in Max’s mind. She has no visible compassion for Billy at any point of the book except from this chapter, and after that she states that she’s actively trying not to care about “his stupid life and his cruel dad”. 

From a writing standpoint, choosing this to be a part of Max’s character takes away from her complex experiences in an abusive household. Yes Max is a hardened character, but not exploring these difficult topics of disliking Billy while also feeling sorry for him makes her feel like just another pawn for the audience to make them dislike Billy. The writers could have made the step-siblings dynamic much more interesting to have them navigate this terrifying experience together. But I understand the duffers just wanted another one dimensional antagonist for season 2.

"I'd watched the Hargroves in action. Neil standing over billy with the belt - calling me a stupid little girl - making it clear that he thought I was weak and pointless. Knowing Neil believed that still wasnt as bad as the way Billy had hated me for trying to help him"

I have mixed feelings about this. I feel this description Max gives dutiful to anyone going through that situation, that they would feel disheartened by someone rejecting their help, and verbally berating them for it. However, it’s vitally important to understand the context of Why Billy reacts to Max this way.

During the assault on Billy that Max witnesses, Max calls out and interrupts Neil, trying to diffuse the situation. Neil responds not to Max, but to Billy “Is this the son I raised? A worthless loser who needs a little girl to fight his battles for him?” And then strikes billy again. 

Max assumes this to be an attack on her, however that's not what's happening at all. Neil is using Max against Billy. He takes Max’s intervention as a sign of Billy's own weakness, a softness. “Any hint of softness and he would never let me forget” In a way Billy had been trying to teach Max to harden herself so that Neil couldn't find anything to target her for, Billy had been making her more likeable for Neil. And now this softness that Max is showing for Billy, by standing up for him, is getting him punished. It’s been implied before that this was the case, but now we are seeing it explicitly that Billy is being punished for Max’s actions. This chain reaction forces Billy into a position where he cannot be on Maxes side, he cannot be friends with Max, because siding with anyone other than his father equals punishment.

After Neil leaves, we circle back round to the sentence “Sometimes Billy acted like we were in on some big, crucial secret together / like we were in some sort of secret club together - like we could be on the same team” Billy had been trying to tell her from the beginning, they were both members of a club trying to navigate life with Neil Hargrove, bonded by shared experience. They were supposed to be on the same team too, victims of Neil, but Neil has made that impossible by using Max against Billy. “I could see all the ways he hated me” Neil isolates one from the other, Billy resents Max for getting him hurt, and Max resents Billy for rejecting her.

During most of the sections of the book that happen in Hawkins, Max continues to call Billy a “Monster”. However, never Neil. It’s not untrue that Billy has a mean streak, he can be cruel and heartless, most notably when he breaks the arm of one of Max’s friends. The only time this level of violence is seen in Hawkins is during the fight with Steve.

Both of these big outbursts of rage are built up by attacks from Neil. Note: Billy is still an asshole, these are not excuses for his actions only explanations.

Yes, there are two occasions in which Billy grabs hold of Max’s arm, but there is an argument to be made that this is just normal sibling behaviour. Have you never pushed or shoved your sibling before, or been on the receiving end of that physicality. It’s not always pleasant, but it’s not uncommon for siblings to get physical during disagreements. Max is also only distressed by this on the first occasion, “He caught me by the arm, and it wasn't the first time he’s ever touched me, but other times had always been to push me out of the way in the kitchen or flick me on the end of my nose. This time, his fingers closed hard around my elbow” - however the second and last time goes like this “He reached out fast and caught me by the wrist”. Those are the only times Billy is ever physical with Max.

Despite this, Billy is still the monster. “Billy was the closest thing to one that I had ever known - this was what it meant to live with the monster.” Monster singular. Billy is the most terrible thing living in the Hargrove home, not the man who beats his son.

Personally I find something off putting with Max ranking Billy as a worse monster than Neil. During the night at the byers she says "I understood now that Neil was in his head, and that meant he was just as dangerous as his father. Worse because Neil was cruel and frightening but he cared how things looked on the outside. Billy was crazy" Max isn't stupid, she knows Neil is a bad person, and maybe from Maxes point of view Billy is worse than Neil because Neil hasn't ever physically hurt her. But from a writer's point of view, to say that the victim is worse than the abuser? That is both dangerous and honestly disgusting. To call Billy crazy, and insinuate that he’s acting like a ‘bad victim’ because he doesn't pretend that everything is normal is so hurtful to victims of abuse who see themselves in Billy. 

Continuing this thought, Max then goes on to compare Billy to a recently possessed Will. Which, first off, comparing abuse is never okay. But what Max says is almost worse, "Will had turned into something terrible and frightening, but even with the mind flayer working through him, he was trying not to let it. He'd almost gotten us killed, but you couldn't blame him because he didn't ask for this. He was trying so hard to stop it" Is the author trying to say that Billy should try harder to not let the abuse he has been experiencing at the hands of his father since before he was ten, affect him? Because if Brenna Yovanoff is using Will as a ‘good’ example of a victim of parental abuse, and using him to discount Billy's own experiences, then I’m sorry but who let this book go to print?

Obviously as a character Max choosing this comparison means very little to her because she doesn't know about Lonnie, but the writers do. Comparing Billy to will is a choice.

Billy and will have both experienced abuse from their fathers. Will is on one side of the spectrum of victims, quiet, timid and apologetic. Billy is on the opposite end of that spectrum, his experiences have hardened him, made him angry about what's happening to him. Billy isn't quiet, he’s an asshole and he has issues with authority, but the one thing that sets Billy and Will apart is the fact that Billy is still experiencing that abuse.

Will is a survivor, Billy isn't.

To imply that "you can't blame Will because he didn't ask for it", but it’s okay to blame Billy, does that mean we are supposed to think Billy is asking for it?

There are choices writers make in the information they reveal to their readers, the phrasing that is used and the comparisons they make. It speaks volumes that while Will is praised for his experiences and bravery with his dad, Billy is called a monster for acting out because of those same experiences.

I mean, tell me you're a writer who doesn't understand the complex reactions to abuse without telling me you only care about “good” reactions to abuse.

[batsplat]

Do you have any thought on the podcast that vale just did with Mig. I had never come across someone that had the Marc fell on purpose in Sepang narrative but I’m just wondering how much of what he’s saying now aligns with what he’s said over the years and is anything new information that’s he’s never bought up before? I also saw that he mentioned Casey and Dani apparently but I haven’t seen that bit yet.

I'd say it more or less aligns with the stuff he's said previously, but he's expanded on some points. him kinda implying there was something fishy about marc's fall itself was a pretty popular theory at the time, enough to be referred to by journalists, though as far as I can recall valentino has stayed clear of it (always getting handlebars caught up in inconvenient places in controversial racing incidents, eh). as for the other stuff:

argentina: valentino hasn't spoken much about pre-sepang incidents in general, at most referring to them with half a line (including races that usually aren't integrated into the timeline of the 2015 collapse, like silverstone and misano). I've talked about it here, but valentino's line about marc's riding there should be read in context of another past comment - that valentino was told marc believed vale had cost him the title, which you would assume to be a reference to argentina (more on that in a moment). while it was obviously deemed a racing incident, it should come as no surprise that narratives accusing one or the other of ill intent were discourse points at the time (see here). both valentino and jorge seem to think that marc felt valentino deliberately crashed him out (here). if they are to be believed, it leaves you with a version of argentina where both parties thought the other was deliberately attempting to make them crash. this version positions argentina 2015 less as a precursor of things to come and more as a breaking point neither party ever moved on from

assen: valentino has spoken about this as a turning point before, saying back in 2016: "at assen I realised he was only my friend when he beats me"; plus in october 2015 saying more broadly that marc was "angry about assen". he hasn't spoken about a direct conversation between the two of them before, though the words he attributes to marc do broadly align with what we have footage of marc saying in the actual press conference (for instance, marc feeling he had won the race, see here). so yes, the stances they both take according to valentino basically match up with the stances we know they publicly took at the time, but again: this is the first time he's talked about this conversation, and we have no evidence for it occurring (certainly not in parc fermé - my best guess is that this would have happened when they were at race direction). all of this is in line with reading assen as essentially the point of no return as far as that relationship was concerned - from then on, the collapse is locked in

alzamora: his involvement is something I've been wondering about for ages now (here, here and here). as is discussed in those posts, valentino said way back in october 2015 that alzamora had told him after sepang that marc "behaved as he did because I caused him to lose the world title". this had always felt bizarre to me, because the description made it difficult to judge the tone of the encounter - surely, you would have to have good reason to harm your charge by running your mouth like that. valentino's version presented in the podcast, which now explicitly attributes active malice to alzamora, does make more sense than alzamora just... randomly approaching valentino to worsen the conflict. the notion that alzamora spoke openly in the paddock about damning valentino's championship bid, as well as this getting back to valentino via spanish friends, is also new. alzamora did have a troubled reputation of his own, as a lot of these managers tend to, not least as a result of the honda in-fighting he was involved in (see here). he has at times been seen as... overeager in getting mixed up in his charges' business - see also how he dealt with reporters and photographers. reporting of valentino's alzamora claim in the immediate aftermath of sepang 2015 mention "yet another disagreement between crew chief santi hernandez and alzamora", the "questionable" role played by alzamora, and alzamora's "very different priorities than honda" (see here and here). alzamora's alleged insistence on being at the meeting, even when valentino thought it was not his place to interfere, does seem to gel with his general conduct. to my eye, there are no obvious inconsistencies between how alzamora's influence was discussed at the time and what valentino is saying now, though the detail of this confrontation including a verbal fight at race direction is also new

at race direction: the details of the look exchanged between marc and alzamora are new too. valentino has spoken about a conversation between himself and marc where marc stared blankly at him, and just based on my own conjecture I did think race direction was the logical place for this conversation to take place. this is in large part on the basis of two media scrum answers marc gave in late 2015 that make explicit reference to this conversation, which I should probably get around to uploading (and valentino likewise spoke about it at the time) (so we can be reasonably confident that it happened and that marc was not best pleased by what valentino said). but the smile is new, yes

that was all I saw in terms of additions! other stuff like uccio's involvement and how valentino describes marc as a rider are basically what he's been saying for years. the most interesting bits to me personally were the alzamora comments because, again, that element of the story was odd enough that I was kinda hoping someone would eventually expand on it. much obliged

[mistressoftherant-blog]

TMNT Fanfic Complaints

As this blog is mostly a space to vent, and I am currently obsessed with pretty much every iteration of the TMNT, I thought I'd throw together a list of things that make me close a fanfic instantly. If you like any of these things, then that's totally fine, but for the most part, any of these things will have me dropping a fic in minutes. A few of these are aligned with posts I've made in the past, but I am noting them down anyway as this is a way of me getting out a lot of my major complaints at once 😅

No.1 Having all the brothers be abusive (particularly towards Mikey), with bonus points for any crossover that will then have one version of the turtles chastising the others for the way they treat their brothers. It just doesn't work, every set have very specific dynamics, but none of them are abusive.

No. 2 Crossover fics that make it impossible to tell who is who. This can occur in a few different ways. One of which is that the authors completely fail to differentiate different universes, making every single version of the turtles talk and act in the same way. Another is when a fic gets flooded with nicknames/pronouns/usernames, without a decent key. If you have a crossover fic with even just 3 or 4 universes, but every single turtle has multiple sets of pronouns, multiple nicknames, and multiple usernames, you really need a way to make it clear who is who.

No.3 The 'poor baby Blue' phenomenon in which every version of the turtles seemingly forgets all of the horror they have suffered because of what the Rise boys have gone through, particularly Leo. I honestly hate it when I am reading a crossover fic and all of the trauma from every series is disregarded in the face of the Rise Shredder and Rise Krang, which brings me on to my next point...

No.4 Essentially an extension of No.3, but can we all finally drop the idea that the Rise Boys had the scariest villains? Sure, their Shredder and Krang were intense, but for the most part, their villains are all pretty much played for comic relief. Either 03 or 12 had the scariest villains. And before anyone comes at me like 'Oh, Rise Shredder was a demon, the Rise Krang managed to take over the world, etc', may I remind everyone that 03 also had a demon Shredder who took over the world (and multiple others including the one who took over in SAINW), and the 12 Triceratons straight up destroyed the Earth with a black hole?

No.5 Fics that give away traits from one turtle to another e.g. making any of the other turtles better at science/math/tech etc than Donnie. Each of the turtles has their own thing, and Donnie will always be the smartest academics wise. It annoys me to no end when people try and make any if the others, usually Rise Leo or 12 Mikey, out to be a genius like him. I actually once read a fic where Rise Donnie asked Leo to help someone with a chemistry question that he couldn't handle. It's ridiculous, and usually carries over from the headcanon that Rise Leo is the medic (is there genuinely any evidence for this in the show besides Leo having a pouch? Because the only time I can recall anything medical related being brought up was when Donnie mentioned Raph's allergies). I have also seen people talk about Rise Leo loving to dance more than Donnie, even when the show explicitly states on multiple occasions how much Bootyyyshaker9000 loves to dance (also making Leo a massive theatre kid when Donnie breaks into songs and dance numbers on multiple occasions.) Or when 12 fans make Mikey the artist when it is actually Raph.

No. 6 (people will probably be mad at this one) Stop making everything about Leosagi, please! He doesn't even exist in the Rise verse, yet the entire fandom is absolutely swamped with Leosagi content. It's annoying when you are reading a Rise fic, and then out of nowhere it all becomes about Leo's relationship with Usagi. These fics also tend to make Usagi the most bland character in existence, with his two defining traits being samurai and Leo's boyfriend. They even do this to Bayverse!! Or bizarre crossover ships that start taking over everything (Why is Mikey being shipped with pretty much all of the spiderman iterations now??(

No. 7 Any fic that has all of the Donnies despise each other. I don't know if this is bias, but I feel like most of the Donnies would enjoy having people on their level to discussbthings with, people who would respect their boundaries and listen to each other's rants. And before anyone brings up their egos, most of the Donnies are shown to be able to and even enjoy working with others who are around their level (Aprils, Leatherhead in 03, Fugitoids etc). I actually think that, aside from the Mikeys, the Donnies would probably get on the best.

No. 8 One of my biggest pet peeves (that I have complained about before) is acting as if any version of the turtles is far superior to the others in terms of intelligence, fighting skills, etc. The Rise boys do not solo every verse. If they had had more training, then yeah, they would be probably some of the strongest characters. But they haven't had the training of the other verses, and mystic powers cannot compensate for everything (considering the fact that they got absolutely bodied by their Krang, you think more people would realise this). The other iterations pretty much all have more formal training, more experience fighting a variety of opponents (Bayverse and the 90s are perhaps an exception to the greater variety of opponents here, but as Bayverse Raph alone can yeet a shipping container singlehandedly with no powers, I think they're good). In no universe should the Rise boys be giving any of the other characters fighting tips.

I will probably write more of these at some point, this was pretty cathartic 😅 I also promise that I do not hate Rise, I just have more issues with the wider Rise fandom than most of the other shows.

[mountain--bones]

4/11: They Lament, But We Rejoice

(Some personal ramblings which also can function as day 1 of the Sol System's Alterhuman Writing Challenge!)

While I was showering yesterday I, as I often do, got lost in thought. I was thinking about myself and the path my life has taken, and how I've learned to relate to myself in a holistic way – flaws and all.

As I was thinking, I remembered some lyrics to a song I'd heard, but I couldn't remember the rest of the song or what it was called.

"'Cause when I saw my demons I knew them well and welcomed them"

This idea resonates with me a lot. Partially, it resonates in terms of my personality; I try my very best to accept the flaws in myself, and find the value in what they represent and connect to in my holistic self.

But, even more so, it's very easy to see my nonhuman self in this. I've come to understand that I am, at my core, something monstrous. I've related that inner, spiritual self to many different things before – a deity, an eldritch beast, an ancient spirit – but one of the first things I found myself thinking of it as was a demon.

I didn't think of it as demonic in a religious sense; it was more that it struck me as deeply, almost intrinsically adversarial to many of the things which are valued in the mainstream spirituality of western culture. It was chaos, animality, instinct, decomposition, death. And so: a demon.

When I found my demon, I knew it well, and welcomed it.

Given the melody of the song, it was pretty clear that the intended message was not one of radical reclamation of a self that would conventionally be considered abhorrent. So then I was curious – what's it really about?

And that's what made this so impactful and fascinating to me.

The song is The Lament of Eustace Scrubb, by the Oh Hellos.

Eustace Scrubb. If there's any character that stands out as an impactful early influence on my nonhumanity, it's Eustace Scrubb. But what's funny is how for me (and I'm sure a lot of other nonhuman folks), Eustace Scrubb is a character who represented an enigma – a contradiction to something which I so fervently craved.

For those who aren't familiar, Eustace Scrubb is a character from the Chronicles of Narnia whose selfishness led him to be turned into a dragon. And he hates it. He's so miserable about being a dragon instead of the boy he's meant to be. I couldn't understand it as a kid. Why would he hate being a dragon? Why would he want to be human?

The Lament of Eustace Scrubb is a song which was symbolically inspired by the struggle of this character – a lament about the loss of some valuable, sacred aspect of humanity, beneath layers of flaws and faults.

Here's the full lyrics.

Brother, forgive me We both know I'm the one to blame 'Cause when I saw my demons I knew them well and welcomed them I knew them well and welcomed them

But I'll come around I'll come around

Father, have mercy I know that I have gone astray 'Cause when I saw my reflection It was a stranger beneath my face It was a stranger beneath my face

But I'll come around I'll come around Someday

When I touch the water They tell me I could be set free

It's very easy, given context, to see the Christian themes here – especially given than the Chronicles of Narnia are also a deeply, explicitly Christian work.

But that just makes it more interesting how, reading these lyrics in the way I naturally want to in spite of the context, I find a meaning in them that's entirely opposite to what's intended – one that's positive and healing.

When I saw my demons, I knew them well and welcomed them.

When I saw the parts of myself that were unacceptable in society's eyes, instead of shunning them, I reached out. I offered them a welcoming hand. To embrace myself in a genuine way has always been more important than following along with what I'm told is "right".

Brother, forgive me – humanity, forgive me – because when I saw the monster inside me, I turned from humanity without a second thought, and without a single regret. The "demon" in me opened my eyes, set me free from rules and structures and beliefs which I never belonged or fit within.

I chose the monster over my humanity. I don't need humanity to forgive me for that, but there's something striking about the idea of regret. Not the regret of my path, or who I am; just a quiet regretfulness to betray something which utterly needed to be betrayed.

'Cause when I saw my reflection It was a stranger beneath my face

My reflection shows a human face. The stranger underneath – the self that I had never been allowed to be. It was a stranger to me, at first. I didn't know myself, because I had never been taught how to. I'd been taught how to speak and how to act, and all that ever amounted to was layers and layers of masks, obscuring the heart of me underneath them.

The grief here, for me, isn't that the stranger is inhuman. The grief is that the deepest part of me, that lay beneath the facade, was a stranger. That I didn't recognise my true self underneath, because it was hidden by the body showed in my reflection, and all the different ways I'd been taught to act as I "should" in a body like this.

When I touch the water They tell me I could be set free

A reflection in a pool. The surface shows a human face, but there's something stranger underneath it.

Touch the water. Break the reflection. Free the you which you've never let yourself be.

See what I'm saying here?

It's striking because this is so completely not what is intended by the lyrics of this song, and yet it forms such a meaningful picture of what nonhumanity is to me. It's striking because, like the story of Eustace Scrubb, there's joy and freedom and actualisation found in a concept that is presented as, and intended to be, something horrible.

The inhumanity is supposed to be a curse.

But for me, embracing my nonhuman self – welcoming my demons, the stranger in my reflection – was a release from a curse that I didn't know I was burdened with.

There's something deeply poignant in here for me. Something which felt worth writing about.

[aihoshiino]

chapter 150 thoughts!

Chapters Since The 143 Kiss Happened And Went Entirely Unacknowledged And Unaddressed Count: 7…. ttttttechnically? they don't actually mention that the kiss happened, so i'm counting it…

ladies, gentlemen and those who know better, our long national nightmare is finally over

after… literally I've lost count of how long it's been since we had some proper Aqua introspection, our landmark chapter 150 is almost entirely dedicated to putting us back in Aqua's head (quite literally!) and sort of catching up with him. Some things about Aqua that have been mostly only communicated through showing over telling are explicitly told in text and i'm ngl, there's one or two things where seeing textual confirmation of them got me barking like a fucking dog. Overall, while the pacing of the start of this arc has been bit clunky and this chapter itself isn't free of that either, it actually feels like things are moving and meaningful characterization is happening which after the Movie Arc is a bit of a luxury lol.

As usual, I want to gush about Mengo's art before I touch on anything else. Setting the majority of this chapter in a dream sequence allowed her to do some incredibly fun things with the staging and imagery here. Aqua in that eerie void with his feet drenched in blood… Aqua and Gorou still stuck in that hallway where Ai died, while Ruby has managed to take steps to leave… It's so fucking good.

There were some absolutely top tier Kanas this chapter, too… her little baby tantrum in flashback and that gorgeous final page of her… But I'm getting ahead of myself.

While I described this chapter up top as being communicating things about Aqua, it very much feels to me like it's also serving as closure for Gorou, both in the sense of him as a person and resolving the posthumous arc that he's been going on as part of Aqua. This chapter at last draws a clear and explicit distinction between the two, that Aqua is no longer Gorou, even if he might have been built on the foundation of his identity. Gorou is even described as a 'role' that Aqua has been compelled to play that Gorou himself is now urging him to step down from - he is offering to relinquish Aqua's future back to him… if that's what Aqua wants.

This was how I'd initially read the relationship back in my 143 review - that 'Aqua Hoshino' created from Gorou, his core values and driving ideals, but 18+ years of living a whole new life in a whole new social role, meeting people and having experiences Gorou would never have and literally having a different body and brain in the process have made him different and the sum total of those differences is the person we call Aqua Hoshino. This chapter seems to lean into this interpretation, casting them as a pair of briefly intersecting lines that once crossed but have now diverged onto their own paths.

I also just really liked the dynamic that they were shown to have this chapter. Whenever we've seen this conflict externalized in the past, Gorou has always been this frightening, overwhelming presence whose existence actively prevents Aqua from having any kind of happiness or peace. Here, though, they have a much less adversarial energy, which is a really nice reflection of Aqua being able to gradually start pulling himself out of the shit he's been stuck in. Gorou almost feels fatherly or big brotherly here, not just in how he behaves in regards to Sarina-as-Ruby, but for Aqua, too.

But……….. okay, I'll stop dodging around the elephant in the room now lol

After over 25 chapters of very deliberately avoiding putting us in his headspace, 150 finally puts the ball in Aqua's court vis-a-vis the AquRuby tension and he answers in a way I think would be pretty hard to walk back: That Ruby is his precious sister and that's it. That her feelings for him are the result of her projecting Gorou onto him, chasing a ghost that is fading from this world and that she does not actually love him. Whoof.

This was another thing where seeing it in text felt pretty great. I'd caught pretty early on that there was a weird divide in the way the story was handling the AquRuby dynamic - namely, that there wasn't an AquRuby dynamic and all the supposed ship development of it was largely happening in retrospect, beefing up the intensity of the GRSR relationship and having Ruby express her feelings to Gorou-through-Aqua. When the idea of Aqua and Ruby romance was floated, by contrast, it was always treated like a gag. With the Movie arc being as much of a mess as it was, it was hard to work out what the intentionality of that was (if there was any to begin with) but this seems to make it about as clear as it can be: neither Gorou or Aqua have any had any feelings of that sort of Sarina-through-Ruby and neither of them want to pursue romance with them.

Once again tapping into my powers of Claire-voyance, I already know a lot of people are trying to insist that this is Aqua lying to himself or 'settling' and that he does secretly want a relationship with Ruby for reals! but that really isn't how it comes across to me in the art. He's calm, speaks straightforwardly and without hesitation and makes his point pretty clear. We know how it looks when OnK character lie to themselves and this isn't really it. It would also just be strange for that to be the case when this is a scene about Aqua starting to consider the idea of moving past the things that hurt him and live out his future with someone.

And who that someone is… seems to be coming into focus, but I don't think we'll be getting there quite yet.

I will say that for as much as I liked this as a chapter and as a goodbye for Gorou… it kind of doesn't really make a lot of sense as a resolution for his guilt lol. This chapter frames things in such a way that centers his guilt on Sarina and that seeing her live her life as Ruby has given him some catharsis over it. This is a sweet idea but… that's, uh, not how this was framed anytime prior! When we've seen Gorou intrude on Aqua's happiness before, his self hate and his guilt all center on Ai's death and his inability to save her. The last time we saw him in this capacity in 95, that's what he was saying with his whole chest: that he deserves to suffer as punishment for Ai's suffering, Ai's death. I'm sure that knowing Sarina is living on as Ruby was very cathartic but… it has nothing to do with Ai! Why is this being framed as narratively resolved in this way?

Like… if I chew on it a bit, I can make it make sense: since chapter 1, Gorou has been pretty open about projecting Sarina onto Ai, processing his grief that way and imagining her living vicariously through Ai's success. The idea of Ruby doing the same by continuing Ai's legacy and keeping her radiance alive being the thing that gives him release over Ai's death is interesting and I can understand it emotionally, it just feels like a weird unexplained leap for the narrative to make. I was talking to a friend about it, trying to work it out by externalizing it, and they theorized that this was always the intended endpoint of Gorou's posthumous arc but that the story had drifted in the middle section and Akasaka hadn't quite realigned them. This makes a lot of sense to me and I wouldn't be surprised if it was the case.

I will say that it really bugs me. I've already talked about the ways Ai's importance to the twins as their mother has been gradually downplayed and diluted as the Movie Arc has gone on. In my original post, I attributed this to Akasaka trying to amp up the intensity of the GRSR -> AQRB relationship in a soap opera-y sort of way, but given that this chapter seems to shut down AquRuby, I don't really know if that's the case. In general, Ai has been treated as sort of narratively 'resolved' as of 137, as if that chapter was the capstone to her posthumous character arc and while that might be the case for Ruby… I really don't think it is for Aqua!

It's possible that this is intentional. Aqua still has a shitton of work to do on unfucking his relationship with Ai and the ways his view of her, as implied by the Movie Arc, is warped by his grief. I could see this final stretch of the story being primarily about that - after all, this chapter is about confronting Aqua with the binary choice of revenge or love. In a lot of ways, this has always been what he's struggling with but putting the ball this firmly in his court establishes Ai's death entirely as his own trauma that he has to work through on his own. After all, Aqua might have confronted Gorou in this chapter, but there's a certain someone we also saw in chapter 95 that Aqua hasn't dealt with yet…

I'm talking about Kana, obviously! (ducks thrown tomatoes)

I don't have a ton to say about the AQKN romance setup in this chapter other than… yeah, I kinda saw this coming! It's interesting to see Gorou, the representation of Aqua's guilt and self destruction, be the one to so directly confront him and push him towards trying to find some happiness with her. Aqua quietly noting that he knows the things he likes about Kana and he knows that moving on with her makes a lot of sense - but what makes this especially interesting is the way it mirrors Kana's own reflection on her relationship with Aqua at the end of the chapter.

I like that a lot of the AQKN moments the two reflect on are just… mundane, everyday instances of the two of them stumbling through life together. I've seen a lot of people say AQKN is 'boring' or 'flat' because it lacks the drama of AQAK or AQRB but honestly, I feel like this is what makes it work (when it does work) - their relationship, whatever form it takes, is a safe and quiet space where they can just exist outside the drama and transactional utility of so many of their other relationships.

That said, while those montages mirror each other, what makes them interesting is their divergence point. Kana decides to commit to choosing 'love', with that absolutely gorgeous full page panel, but Gorou hands the knife - the symbol of the violence that blighted Aqua's life - back to him and makes it clear that love or revenge, the choice is now entirely in Aqua's hands. We don't see what he chooses, but… if Oshi no Ko really is a story with a happy ending, I think it's a foregone conclusion. And that makes me really happy.

Not that it's happening anytime soon, lol. I'll be very shocked if Kana's confession doesn't result in a rejection from Aqua, at least at this point in time - there's too much else going on in the story for this to be the right place for Aqua to commit to Kana. She's still an idol, after all and Kamiki is still around. The bets I'm placing right now are that AQKN are going to get their resolution, whatever form it takes, at the Dome concert during or after Kana's graduation.

As for their date… Call me cynical, but I also don't see it going particularly well. After all…

Aren't we forgetting somebody?

[ilovedthestars]

and also just. the way ambiguity in relationships is assumed to be romantic, too. see, i wrote that whole post a while back about how I loved ambiguous fictional relationships, with deep devotion but no clear label as to the type of relationship. i called it love as in significance--that's where my tag comes from. love as in being important to someone, in whatever form that takes.

and what I said then about how this applies to romance still applies--when I'm reading about a fictional romance, I'll be much more engaged with one that feels built on that foundation of significance than one that isn't. flirting, the trappings of modern courtship, those feel empty to me without the feeling that these characters already matter to each other. (this is why in real life I'm so perplexed by things like dating apps, or people who actively seek out romance with strangers--I just personally can't fathom the idea of wanting that kind of closeness with someone you don't already know and care for.)

but in regards to ambiguity....I feel like I've been burned a little. I loved ambiguity because it meant you could take many things away from it. other people could see romance, but I could see the kind of deeply devoted platonic relationship that, let's be honest, is incredibly rare in fiction. but I'm starting to feel frustrated by the way ambiguity is assumed to be romance, without an explicit statement that it's not. (I've joked about the obligatory "no hetero" moments that have to be inserted into the start of a piece of media that has a male and a female protagonist with any kind of relationship other than romance--the "not with those lips" moment in the D&D movie, for example. It's funny, and i appreciate it being made very clear, but it's kind of sad that it has to be.)

and...okay, there's an elephant in the room that i really should acknowledge. I was talking about it in that first post, but I made a point of never mentioning it, although i'm sure plenty of people guessed.

I haven't watched Good Omens season two. I'm not sure if I'm ever going to. When I first wrote about my love for ambiguous relationships back in February of 2023, Aziraphale and Crowley were at the top of my list. When I wrote about how ambiguity left room for anyone to see themselves represented, and how i wished that a little more space was left for aro voices, I was talking about them. I was frustrated by people who saw that ambiguity as "queerbaiting"--didn't they see that the story was already queer, that Aziraphale and Crowley cared so deeply for each other, and whether they kissed or not wouldn't change anything?

But they did kiss. And it did change something. I don't feel like there's a place left for me anymore. And there's social pressure to celebrate, to be happy for another canon queer love story on TV, and god I'd love to celebrate that, but I can't help but feel a little betrayed by a story that I thought would leave space for me.

(and yes, a kiss doesn't have to mean romance--but in this, in hollywood, it's assumed to. the creators and the audience both understand it as such, unless someone stops to say no, we're friends who kiss each other the mouth, we're subverting your expectations. because the expectations are inescapable.)

I've been trying to give myself the space to feel upset about this. To remember that aro stories are queer stories too. And I think I'm raising my standards. I'll take ambiguity--I'll take any carved-out space I can find. But I'm not sure I trust it anymore. I want explicitly platonic relationships with the level of love and devotion and care usually reserved for romance. I want to read and watch and listen to stories about people who are significant to each other without romance even being in the picture. I want love that isn't synonymous with romance. I'm going to stop feeling like I have to settle for anything less.