#(HI I REALLY LIKE MAKING PRIDE ICON VARIATIONS Because I Can)

[hotliljewishgirl]

Post-Jangle Ball Ramblings

I saw JB in Philly last night and it left me genuinely speechless. It was my first time ever seeing them live after ten years of obsessing over their content from afar, and it was everything I could have asked for or dreamed of. I HIGHLY encourage anyone who’s on the fence to get tickets. You won’t regret it.

Starkid means so much to me. I cannot begin to list all the ways they’ve helped me and changed me, and last night represented the fulfillment of a dream I’ve had since I was nine years old. I won’t get too corny here, mostly because nothing I could say would do justice to how much I love these artists and this community, but I wanted to say – thank you to everyone who made the past ten years of being a Starkid fan so special.

Bear with me here, because I have a lot of Feelings. Be aware this post does contain spoilers for Jangle Ball. Without further ado, my thoughts:

We been knew, but everyone is SO talented and seeing them perform was a magical, life-changing, incredible, unforgettable experience.

Also everyone looked ridiculously good and I am not ok. The variation in outfits was hilarious though. I’m not sure what they were told to wear, but it ranged from Lauren in a very sexy sheer top to Jamie in a festive red dress to Dylan just chilling in flannel. None of them looked like they were going to the same event and I loved it.

Janaya’s Stutter was iconic and I want to listen to it on repeat. Lauren’s background dancing was equally amazing despite the fact it induced a severe state of gay panic.

I wish we got more Show Stopping Number from Joey and James. I wasn’t sure anyone other than R*bert would be able to pull off that song and I’ve never been happier to be wrong. I actually think either of them would make a great Hidgens if Nick doesn’t want to take on the role.

Dylan blew me away. I knew he talented but tbh he completely stole the show in the first act with the Twisted numbers. Not only does he have an incredible voice, but his stage presence is ridiculous (and I made eye contact with him briefly. My life is complete. Now I can finally lay down and die.)

I loved the Status Quo parody and I was so glad to see JOEY perform it again (no shade to Alex and Mariah but they just can’t compare to the OG). I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again – if they pulled a Taylor Swift and re-recorded all their old cast albums I would literally give them all my money. I love the old songs and it was so special to see them performed.

Queen B…I think I briefly blacked out. I honestly don’t listen to that song much because I’m not really one for rap, but I might start now. Lauren killed it. My favorite thing about her as a performer is how versatile she is. Not every one can pull off a number like that, but she did it effortlessly. I was equal parts terrified and aroused, which is exactly what that song should do. Shout out to Brian and James dancing backup. The dancing in this show truly blew me away. I was not expecting that many choreographed numbers given how little they rehearsed, and I’m so glad (and impressed) that they managed to do it. It just brought the energy up and was so fun to watch.

A lil nitpick: I get that Cup of Roasted Coffee, Stutter, Show Stopping Number, and the Wiggly Jingle are technically villain songs but they don’t really give that energy? And Deck the Halls, We Got Work to Do, Climate Change, and Status Quo are straight up not villain songs. I liked the whole “ the villain is capitalism” angle but tbh when I heard they were performing villain songs I was expecting like…Wagon on Fire. Rogues Medley. Kick It Up a Notch. The classic Starkid villain songs, you know? I LOVED the set list as it was and I wouldn’t trade it for anything but I think there was a tiny flaw in marketing. And now I’ll get off my soapbox.

I try to keep my Richpez shipping off this blog but holy shit, I need to freak out for a minute. In person or through a screen, their love, pride, affection for each other is palpable. They way Lauren looks at Joey while he’s performing, the casual touches, the way he kept trying to make her break on stage…it brought tears to my eyes. And that’s not even touching on Priceless. Seeing them dancing together and holding each other like that in front of hundreds of people broke me. I’m so happy for them, not only that they have each other but also that they feel comfortable sharing it with us. The same goes for Breredith (the kiss in Final Ghost was both completely unnecessary and a fantastic addition)

I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the band. The music was on point. I don’t know if they wrote new arrangements for the tour, but I did notice it was very “beat-heavy” (is that a thing??) which made it very fun and easy to dance along – perfect for a concert. Also, AJ’s number was fucking incredible and I’m so glad I got to see him sing. It literally gave me AVPSY flashbacks. He’s only gotten more talented since then. I wish we could see him in more Starkid shows. Lastly, I will never stop thanking Clark for writing VHSCC. It’s a energetic, touching, unique take on a familiar story and by far my favorite adaptation of CC. I want him to write more music for Starkid shows.

Thanks for reading my stream of consciousness if you’ve gotten this far. I’m going to post another one for act two (because otherwise this post is going to be way too long).

[misscrawfords]

For the bad Austen take game: Fanny Price is boring. (I hated even typing that)

 Aaaaahhhh, you went straight to the jugular!

Mansfield Park was published in 1814, a year after Pride and Prejudice. The latter contained a spirited, active, and witty heroine. The former, a heroine who was shy, physically weak, and very introverted.

Fanny Price is actually closer to what a lot of contemporary heroines were like. Elizabeth Bennet, bursting in on the scene with her “pert opinions” and physical vigor and her direct challenges to the hero is not ahistorical because clever and witty heroines do exist in literature of the time, but she takes that to the next level.

The “perfect heroine” of the early 18th century in many novels was sweet, virtuous, morally dutiful, and somewhat passive. She was prone to fainting, basically had no faults, and at the end of the novel was rewarded with the love of the hero. She is not always a particularly interesting figure and often such narratives have a foil in a lively, witty anti-heroine who brings the fun to the novel but cannot be rewarded with a happy ending because she does not display the appropriate morals. That way the author and reader can get the pleasure of a “bad girl” or at least a “fun girl” without disrupting the expected didactic morals required of (many) novelists at the time.

Fanny Price and Mary Crawford are interesting variations on that. Fanny, like all of Austen’s heroines, challenges contemporary notions of what being a heroine was about. Austen does this in all her novels though Emma is the most obvious example. Fanny has many of the qualities that you would expect from a contemporary heroine but she is also not particularly attractive (a heroine should always be the most beautiful woman in the room) and it is hard to read her excessive passivity and not feel irritated by it. She has a much deeper inner life than most of her contemporaries of this type. We see her jealousy of Mary Crawford, we see her misery, we see her unrequited love for Edmund, her complicated feelings regarding her home in Portsmouth in ways that make her fully rounded internally, only little of that is spoken out loud. These feelings are very human and understandable, but they are not always to her credit and knowing them, we wish she could act on them. Austen seems to be asking the reader to take the classic novel heroine and then ask, “How would she really respond to novel situations?”

Austen’s plot also challenges expected novelistic plots. Edmund Bertram is not a satisfactory romantic hero. He is as quiet and rigidly moral as Fanny... except he blows all his convictions by his blind infatuation on Mary and he spends 99.9% of the novel oblivious to Fanny’s feelings or even that she’s an eligible woman at all. I have sympathy for him as well as for Fanny because he’s very young (only 22/23) and making poor judgements over women at that age and being an oblivious numpty over your childhood best friend’s crush seems pretty normal to me. Nevertheless, following Mr. Darcy, he’s hardly the stuff of dreams.

The character and plot that does seem more novelistic is Henry Crawford and his pursuit of Fanny. He’s handsome and rich and a bit of a rake. Then he meets Fanny who he attempts to seduce, falls in love with her for real, proposes to her and is rejected, then changes his behaviour, tries again and is accepted now that he is reformed and worthy her love.... wait. Rewind. That’s not what happened! Think this plot looks familiar? It should. Henry Crawford is what a lot of people think Mr. Darcy is who don’t understand Mr. Darcy on any level. Henry Crawford genuinely is a handsome bad boy who is reformed by the love of a virtuous woman after being rejected by her. And Austen teases readers with a redemption arc and a real enemies-to-lovers plot. But Henry is as real and complicated and human as Fanny and Edmund - he fails at the last hurdle and cannot complete his redemption arc. He relapses at the last moment. Isn’t that true to life? And is reforming a rake really Fanny’s destiny in life? She doesn’t think so. She sees right through his charm and hates who he is underneath. She doesn’t reject him as Elizabeth does Darcy because she doesn’t understand him; she rejects him because she understands him perfectly. She is the only person in the novel who does. I feel it would be a poor ending for Fanny to make her marry a man she despises and become the mistress of a large estate which brings with it the kind of social duties she must have been unhappy executing.

Fanny gets what she wants. She quietly, patiently does not change. She is surrounded by the superficial, the brash, the badly behaved, the immoral, the weak and she remains strong and stoical and by doing this and remaining true to her values, she triumphs. She wins. She gets the man she wants. She is truly and fully adopted into the heart of Mansfield Park with all her enemies and rivals removed. She is acknowledged as the best of them all. Without even needed to do anything except endure and stick to her guns, she defeats every big boss in her path.

These are not attractive modern values. Our concept of a “strong woman” (*shudder*) is Elizabeth Bennet. But not all of us are Elizabeth Bennets. Most of us aren’t in fact. Most of us are quiet and insecure and filled with envies, jealousies, private sadnesses. Many of us have experienced at some point less than ideal family situations and reacted not by being spirited and clever but by curling up in a ball and just waiting it out. Shouldn’t Fanny be held up as an icon for winning in absolutely the worst of circumstances? But she is an Aeneas in a society that only wants to read about Odysseuses and Achilleses.

Finally, another way in which Austen was distinctly saying in MP, “Hey, so, if you thought I was going to write another P&P, JOKE’S ON YOU, MATEY!” is that the entire novel is an anti-romance. Of course you’re going to be frustrated with Fanny and Edmund if you’re looking for a pair of exciting characters who fall in love and get a swoonworthy romance. But if you read MP as an examination of bad love, inappropriate love, selfish love, inexperienced love, love that taints and goes wrong through the eyes of a quiet and insightful observer who herself suffers the crushing and all too familiar pangs of hopelessly unrequited love - then you find a character and a novel that are rich, satirical, and deeply intimate and clever.

[silver-chasm]

A week ago, I made these icons of all my fursonas with all these pride flags (cause they're all trans lol). Two have a few extra flags/symbols on them, representing me

Two of the symbols you see here aren't lgbt ones. I'm not saying that what they represent should be part of the lgbt community, just that they're just as much a part of me as my queer identity

An explanation of who my fursonas are and what the flags are under the cut. I tried to be brief but some of these are a bit lengthy

1. Toxic Chasm

They're my main fursona (and the namesake of this blog). E is something called a Monsuno Sapien, a human mutated by alien essence (the species comes from the Monsuno series). She is me but more grounded and more at peace than what I was when I created him. Despite the grotesque and intimidating appearance, xe is compassionate and gentle. Chasm means a lot to me

The flags/symbols:

The bandana - genderqueer:

Genderqueer is a term that encompasses anyone who not only fall outside of the binary but also gender nonconforming people (those who "queer" their gender)

Chasm is genderqueer, partly because they contain the colours of the flag. Ze also challenges the idea of anthropomorphism with hir existence, much like how I seem to challenge the gender binary with my own existence

The garland - bigender

Bigender people have two genders. These two genders can be binary or nonbinary. A bigender individual may experience both of their genders simultaneously or shift between the two

In my case, I'm a man and a demiwoman at the same time ^-^

The hearts - bisexual and asexual

Bisexual is when you're sexually attracted to more than one gender. Asexual is when you don't experience sexual attraction. Asexuals may also still experience romantic attraction

Biromantic asexuals, like me, are physically unable to experience sexual attraction but are able to experience romantic attraction to more than one gender

The infinity symbol - neurodivergence

One of the non LGBT symbols. Neurodivergent people are those with neurodevelopmental conditions (such as autism, ADHD, dyslexia, etc) and mental health conditions (such as BPD, bipolarity, OCD, etc) and similar conditions, like schizophrenia. The infinity symbol is prominently used by autistic people, representing both the diversity of autism and neurodivergence

I'm 90% sure that I'm autistic. The other 10% is my anxiety keeping me in check

2. Korong

She is the fursona who I've had the longest (and was my primary fursona before creating Chasm). They're a giant monstrous dropbear with squid tentacles coming from her back and a second mouth on their belly. She is an absolute glutton. They are also the kind of being who would gloat about her power before trying to devour you

The flags:

The bandana - demigirl

Demigirls feel a partial but not complete connection to being a girl or woman. It is a nonbinary identity

Korong represented a past version of myself. Naturally, as I realised more about myself, she would change with me. They were never really "womanly", more monstrous than anything else

The flowers - a former vore pride flag

No, you didn't misread. This is the other non-lgbt symbol. Vorarephilia (shortened to vore) is a fetish where pleasure is derived from the idea of one being eating another (eg. snake eating a mouse, a giant holding someone in their mouth, etc). It's quite broad and typically fantastical in nature. The colours you see there belonged to a flag designed by a user here on tumblr, a genuine attempt at creating a pride symbol for vorarephiles. It wasn't a flag used outside of here. The creator has since deleted the post describing the flag, almost effectively wiping it from the internet

Korong is an embodiment of my vorarephilia. Her monstrous appearance also reflects a deep-seated shame toward this part of me I've had for years (and all for what? Strange thoughts?)

When I saw that flag and what it meant, I guess it gave me permission to feel something else towards this part of me. On top of the, the creator was reblogging vore positivity posts and posts where people were using their flag and being proud

For the longest time I thought there was something wrong with me. They showed that it's okay to be like this

Originally, I was going to draw the flag itself. I pivoted when I found that the original post (and the positivity posts) had been deleted. I drew it as hyacinths (flowers that represent grief and sincerity) because, as silly as it seems, I was dismayed that the flag and the little, safe, accepting corner of the internet had vanished. After all, what is left is a blue and purple symbol of mockery, with people disgusted that someone would think like that

I'm tired of feeling shame. As I said before, they're just strange thoughts that I cannot control. Nothing more

3. Hognose

They're a friendly Goodra, a slug dragon Pokemon. Much like the snake they're named after, Hognose has an upturned snout and a forked tongue. They're quite the skilled baker, with their favourite recipe being apple pie. They like cooking for their friends

The flag:

The bandana - agender

Agender people lack a gender, have a neutral or indefinable gender or don't identify with the concept of gender

Hognose doesn't have a gender. I forgot to give them one when creating them. Their gender expression does lean somewhat to femininity

4. Lantern

They're a baki, a goomba-like enemy from the Drawn to Life series. Technically, they've existed longer than Korong but I never considered them as a fursona. They were the mascot of my old blog thelanternwielder. They're a quiet being, tending to watch from a distance. Their eyes can cast light when its dark. They don't mind being carried by their handle (just don't swing them around too much)

The flag:

The bandana - nonbinary

Nonbinary people are those whose gender identity falls outside the man/woman binary. It's an umbrella identity, as there are many ways of not fitting in the binary

Lantern is another fursona I forgot to give a concrete gender to. And when I remembered, it didn't really make sense to gender them. They've always been a little bit unknown and mysterious, so their gender is vague and undefined to me

5. Aster

They're a fantail centipede/bee hybrid from space. Their hive lives in a moon above a resource abundant planet they collect and harvest from. Aster was one of the workers who became curious about what was beyond their planet and moon hive. So, they left and became a vagabond explorer among the stars

The flags:

On the left - agender

As it was stated, agender can mean 'genderless' and it can refer to those who don't identify with the concept of gender. Aster falls into the latter category as gender is a bizarre and foreign concept to them

On the right - intersex

Intersex people are those who were born with variation in sex characteristics that are 'atypical' from male and female sex characteristics. This can manifest in a number of ways, as sex is made up of several components. Intersex people can have any gender identity

In Aster's case, they are completely sexless. Their anatomy does not conform to the 'typical' sexes of humans (male and female). They are typical for their species, as many workers tend to be sexless

6. Hugs

He is a spotted hyena pyromancer who dances with fire. He's all about having fun and showing off his skill. He's easygoing and relaxed. His power comes from cinnabar he's imbued with

The flag:

The bandana - transgender

Being transgender is not identifying with the gender assigned to you at birth. Contrary to what some may assume, this does include nonbinary people (what do you think the white stripe in the flag represents?)

Hugs is trans guy. He's the only one here who has a binary gender

7. Alezan

He's the only child among my fursonas and the only one who was designed by someone else. They were designed by chibitacolord (here on tumblr!) He's an elfish fox child whose design is based on the raposa from Drawn to Life. Alezan mostly lives in the woods by themself, proclaiming himself to be 'the prince of the woods'. They're quite mischievous and playful. He loves flowers. They would be a florist if he was older

The flag:

The garland - genderflux

This is when the intensity of a particular gender changes. It can be considered a type of genderfluidity where the gender changes between something and nothing

Alezan is boyflux. The intensity of being a boy changes for them. Being so young, he doesn't quite have all the words to describe how he feels sometimes

8. Lasso

They're a strange being who has the body of an ox, the head of a humanoid crab and draconic wings. Their design is based on lamassu, ancient Mesopotamian guardian deities, and my Chinese and Western zodiac signs. Lasso was a being who was created at the edge of reality itself. As a result, they're incredibly inquisitive. They are also quite protective once they get attached to you

The flag:

The bandana - aitherogender

This is a xenogender. Some people feel that usual language around gender isn't able to describe the gender identity they experience, so they use metaphors to describe it. Aitherogender is an ethereal and otherworldly gender that is almost impossible to describe with written or spoken medium. It was originally intended for neurodivergent people but anyone can use the term

Given where Lasso came from, it would be likely that their gender wouldn't conform to human expectation or understanding of gender, let alone be able to be described in human language (or any language). I just thought it would be neat for them to have an otherworldly gender when they themself are otherworldly

[unexpectedreylo]

Congratulations, You Played Yourself?  Why We Didn’t See TROS Coming

I read a great meta by @ariainstars​ and it inspired me to finally address something I’d been meaning to write about since TROS came out.  How were so many smart Reylo fans and Bendemptionists convinced things were going to turn out with a happy ending, Rey and Ben riding off into the sunset, when JJerio as well as fired writer Colin Trevorrow clearly had other ideas?  

This isn’t a defense of TROS or its spin-out-and-crash ending.  I still think Ben’s fate was totally mishandled and it leaves DLF with the choice of a) never addressing the post-ST galaxy or b) resurrecting Ben from the dead in one form or another.  (When that will happen is of course a mystery.  My guess is not for at least not another decade.)  Returning to Rey Whateverherlastnameis without Ben is to dig their hole deeper, especially since I think the pop culture gods will determine that Ben’s departure was premature and unlike the deaths of Boba Fett or Darth Maul, materially damaging to the overall story.

This is an object lesson though in how fans and creators can end up on different pages and also how creators underestimate the power of their own work. 

I thought that death was always on the table for Ben but TLJ’s compassionate treatment of the character and his relationship with Rey as well as piles of well thought-out metas convinced me he was going to survive.  I was sure they were going for an unabashedly happy ending because it was the last film (not simply because it was Disney) and they would want to go out on an up note.  I didn’t think a Dead Ben would end things happily (and really I was right...the air gets sucked out of the movie the second he abruptly dies).  I also didn’t think they would solve the Skywalker problem by tacking the name onto Rey at the very end of the movie (sigh).

I think the fundamental problem was highlighted in @ariainstars​‘s meta:  many thought we were getting Pride And Prejudice or 50 Shades Of Grey while they were riffing off of Phantom Of The Opera.  All of those stories are variations of La Belle Et La Bete, Beauty And The Beast.  POTO though ends tragically because Erik is too much of an outcast and his crimes are too terrible.  @ariainstars​ states that Kylo/Ben was always doomed because he’d killed his father.  A happily ever after was never going to be possible for him.

Why did so many of us reject the idea that killing Han meant Ben had to die in TROS?  Because a lot of sequel fans grew up with Asian and Asian-influenced media, namely anime, manga, and shows like Avatar:  The Last Airbender or Dragon Ball Z.  Serious crimes weren’t necessarily bars to redemption or a happily-ever-after.  There were and still are lots of comparisons between Kylo/Ben and Prince Zuko, who was redeemed, survived, and marries (though not Katara).  Dragon Ball Z’s former villain Vegeta sacrifices himself but is allowed to return to his body and he gets to be in love with Bulma.

JJerio and Trevorrow though didn’t grow up with that stuff.  They grew up with Star Wars and everything else Hollywood produced in the ‘60s-’90s.  While I’m pretty sure Rian Johnson would’ve sold it better if he’d directed and wrote IX, I am not sure if Johnson would’ve let Ben get a happily ever after either.  While Star Wars always had an Eastern influence, it still is very much a product of the West and all it entails.  

Maybe the trouble with Ben’s arc is Abrams and Kasdan deciding he had to kill Han Solo.  When I saw TFA, my first thought was Kylo would redeem himself in the last movie but he was toast.  Which is too bad, because you doom your character in the very first movie and that’s not fun.  TLJ then only offered false hope that this would not be the case.  I get that Johnson was making redemption credible but either he was too optimistic that whoever followed him would consider letting Ben live or he unwittingly oversold Ben to the point where you not only wanted him redeemed, you wanted him to survive so he’d have a chance to be happy and free.  (And of course that Rey would have lasting companionship with an equal.)

Another reason why we thought we’d get a happily-ever-after is because Kylo/Ben was the son of Han and Leia and the only Skywalker scion, this meant he was somehow bulletproof and his importance in the story was only going to grow.  Adding to this assumption is Rian Johnson referring to Ben and Rey as co-protagonists.  But to Abrams and company, these movies weren’t about Ben.  This was Rey’s story and in case you don’t understand that, she appears in nearly every scene in TROS.  While Kylo/Ben leaves a big impression, if you pay attention you’ll notice he gets less screen time in the movies than guys like Poe or Finn.  To those who made TROS, Kylo/Ben was little more than a foil, a catalyst for their heroine.  He was supposed to be Darth Vader to Rey’s Luke Skywalker.  (If you want to understand why some fans who clearly aren’t TFM types don’t like these movies, there’s your answer...the Skywalker family got sidelined in the last third of their own saga.)

Perhaps though there’s another simple answer and that is fans are great at being in denial.  If we want a certain outcome, we’re going to bet the farm on it.  Soon among a subset of fans, it’s practically a tenet of being a part of that subset.  This led to what I call following “signs and wonders,” fans believing there are secret codes they were putting out to reassure us we were going to get what we wanted.  I”m seeing a lot of that now with regard to Ben returning, though I don’t buy they are really giving it much thought right now.

Reylos correctly predicted that Ben would turn and there would be some acknowledgement of the attraction between Rey and Ben.  We actually got most of it right.  But Ben’s death wasn’t an outcome most Reylos entertained to any extent.  There were fans who predicted Ben’s demise but they didn’t talk about it very much and those metas weren’t as enthusiastically shared.   Why?  We didn’t want it to happen and we didn’t want to think about its possibility.

Whatever JJerrio’s and Lucasfilm’s intentions, Ben Solo was a character who had escaped.  I guess everyone knew Kylo Ren was going to be popular and iconic but those guys severely underestimated his power.  It’s due to the mystique built up in TFA, the revelation of his humanity in TLJ, being the last Skywalker, and his relationship with Rey over the course of the films, all expertly performed by someone who always brings his A game and had plenty of charisma to spare.  Some sympathetic story groupers added further pathos to his back story in various comics and novels.  He, like the cinnamon roll The Onion made famous, was too pure for this world.

Moreover, they severely underestimated the power of Reylo.  They unwittingly tapped into something primal and mythic with those two.  Nobody could’ve foreseen their incredible chemistry and they didn’t fully understand or appreciate  how epic the pairing truly was.  Or at least those not named “Rian Johnson.”  But many in the audience could see it.  There was a lot in the media about Reylo.  The two times I saw TROS in the theater people applauded when Rey and Ben kissed. It was the gas in the ST’s tank.

That’s why we bought it.  It’s amazing to me how often studios, filmmakers, and show runners miss this stuff while fans keep expecting a different outcome.

[hereliesbitches--me]

Full name:  Toruga ( Winchester ) Nicknamed:  The Good Doctor, Father, Doc, Purple Pimp

Gender: Male Species: Demon Age: Immortal, appears to be in his late 30s, early 40s Sexuality: If its a shade of royal purple, its within that field of interest. Otherwise, he couldnt care less Nationality: Travels about, German based design. Dude is a demon imitating human design City or town of birth: The Enigma , The realm of Neikan and the Emotions Currently lives: Moves where there is work, primarily between Europe and the United States, where is assets are located Languages spoken: English, Spanish, German, Russian, Korean, Japanese, variations of the chinese dialect (fluent in Mandarin) , Hindi -- basically a workable understanding of many mainstream languages of varying countries. He’s old, he’s been around, and he is able to retain and learn easily Native language: prefers English and German Accent/diction: Speaks with refined annunciation with his English, but in a more relaxed state he has a slight German accent. Relationship Status: A widower still obsessed with his monsters and his creator but she just wont see him in such a way rip the man

PHYSICAL APPEARANCE

Height: 6’6 Weight: 160 pounds in human form, his dark form varies in weight Figure/build: Tall, stocky built. His muscle is primarily in his arms, legs, and chest, with a faintly noticeable gut (lowkey dad bod) Hair color: Black, peppered with grey strands Hairstyle: keeps it medium length but professional, Eye color:  A deep orange Skin/fur colour: His skin is a sandy beige complexion littered by dark discolored scars. Having tiger features, he has inverted colors with black fur and white stripes. Tattoos: Neikan’s branding is on his left inner forearm. Tends to stroke it absentmindedly  Scars/distinguishing marks: Toruga is littered by minor discolored scars all over his arms and chest, but his iconic scar is the 3 clawed slashing going down his face. Preferred style of clothing: In a button up collared shirt and black dress pants, coupled with his lap coat, He never really goes anywhere without his labcoat. He has no real sense of.. Dressing casual. If not his lab coat, he still wears a kind of trenchcoat in some way. And suspenders for a touch of extra class

HEALTH

Bad Habits: -Cant form real human connection - sees everything as object variables to dissect ,explore, and use for experimentation. - Regularly abuses the fuck out of the other negatives because they are inferior idiots - Sociopathic murderer (“for Science”). -Obsessed with Neikan, the demon who created him, and will turn on anyone in her defense, friend or foe. -Views any personal connection to a person like having a pet you're fond for, but nothing is above Neikan. -Stress smoker.

Addictions: -Sexually infatuated by the color purple, - Takes Sadistic pleasure in watching the bold break down, - Gets off on taking control and causing pain in the act of intimacy.

PERSONALITY

Personality: Toruga is a deceptive man by nature, a demon conjured up and hand made by Neikan herself, inspired by Josef Mengele which she had seen in the lives of one of her vessels. Being based on the mad doctor, Toruga himself is brilliant in the fields of genetics, biology, and the anatomy of anything he can get his hands on. Despite the basis, Toruga is simply a being that never was a child, thus has formed a persona that imitates human emotion and relations to get his way. He doesn't feel true connection, he doesn't feel empathy, sympathy, or guilt for what he does, as long as it feeds into the goal of appeasing his mistress and furthering her goals. Which makes lying and altering his persona to the liking of his associates quite easy. Toruga presents himself like a fatherly figure -- even tempered, soft but confidently spoken, and constantly utilizing praise and interest in another when he’s looking to make nice. He’s a master of manipulation and will not hesitate to research a person’s history, or gauge a weakness from conversation alone, and exploit it if it makes them more agreeable or himself more appealing.   He doesnt respond to insults or physical attacks,  not a single thing in the world bothers him, save for the failure of the negatives to complete a task, or if the insult is directed at his mistress. Or if it is impeding his work, because that would make him unappealing to Neikan. Only then will he react. And he will do so swiftly and violently to make his point known. He is not afraid of death threats, or to be beaten or dismembered or tortured, because of his inability to die (Thanks to his connection to Neikan. For as long as she lives, he can) He finds those sorts of threats mildly amusing, because he has been here for centuries, and he will continue to be well after humanity is nothing more than bones and Ash beneath their feet. His personality can swivel on a dime, but overall he is a fairly pleasant person to interact and talk with. He;s had plenty of time to master human expression.  Toruga also tends to be very physical when he shows interest, with subtle touches, unbroken eye contact, and closeness. Its simply the spider tossing the silk of his webs to capture the poor fly that has no idea the fate to come. He can be incredibly jealous and spiteful when it comes to what diverts the attention of his mistress

Strengths: Determined, Even tempered, charming personality. Incredibly intelligent and gifted with holding conversations. A great asset if you need a doctor to work on any sort of viral or bacterial bioweapon, or if ya need a guy that likes to alter and play with mortal genetics. His inability to stay permanently dead makes him quite the threat in theory, and with that demonic origin he does have supernatural strength compared to the average mortal. He has no real blood, just inky mass of dark matter that makes up his form and drips in imitation blood.

Weaknesses: Neikan. Divine weaponry and magic also hurt like a bitch and would require he directly return to neikan to get fixed up.

Fears/phobias: Failing Neikan to the point she abandons him or makes another negative to replace him.

Favourite color:

P U R P L E 

Did I say purple?  Very important to know. And any shade that compliments it.

Hobbies: - Kidnapping subjects indiscriminately based on their viability and their chance of being pursued, disfiguring them, wiping their memory, and then using them as test subjects for his viral bioweapon projects. - Making handmade clothing for his test subject children. He’s quite the skilled tailor. He especially loves dressing up his daughter before she ran away - Traveling about to meet with and work closely with assorted allies towards an end goal of toppling human society and shifting power - Taking out his anger and frustration on the negatives because they dont die - Talking to his dead husband he keeps perfectly preserved in a case down in his lab

Theme Song: - “Pet” by perfect circle - “Trust me” from the Devil’s Carnival

SKILLS

Talents/skills: - Tailoring clothing of all materials - Extensive knowledge of the medical field - skilled virologist and biochemist - Manipulative - Skillful liar

Education: Multiple lifetimes of trial and error through multiple dimensions and a variety of different levels of technology he’s explored with. Lacking any formal training, being an extension of his mistress means he also inherits the knowledge of her vessels. Coupled with his own experimentation and studied through multiple worlds.

Abilities: Being a demon made of dark matter means he’s endowed with an assortment of natural abilities, however unlike the more well known hell spawn demons, the negatives and their abilities from Neikan are typically only physical based.  Those abilities include: - Enhanced Strength and Endurance (built up after years of handling monsters, and the lack of human limitations/strains on the body) - Complete Regeneration (as long as the weapon is not enchanted or by divine means) - Minor shapeshifting, limited to his true forms. From human, to the black mass in the shape of a man, to a beastial tiger form - A photographic and auditory memory that retains just about any information he finds worthy of withholding. It also allows him to learn any language with ease after being exposed to it for a period of time

FAMILY, FRIENDS AND FOES

Personal history: Created around the time period of Pride’s((The Vessel) lifetime, 6 vessels prior to Nikki, Toruga was formed at first out of curious reasons and the need for a friend, but her intent with him became malicious shortly after her grief in the following life which split her soul into two halves. Left with nothing but malice and hatred for humanity, with the worst aspect of her being, Neikan utilized all her negativity to create a figure that would help speed up the process of ending the lives of the future vessels. Toruga was based on Josef Mengele, which Neikan had been exposed to as a child through the eyes of her second vessel, Hate. The demon was never a child, born as a perfectly capable adult to keep this young grieving woman company, it was at the start of his existence which paved the way to his obsessive love for his Creator. Toruga was her friend, her pet project that she left responsible with overseeing any of her new creations were given a job and set in order. While not active at first, Toruga observed humanity from the distance and learned the art of imitating them perfectly to blend in and manipulate what he understood. He studied their texts, he studied their culture, the array of species, their anatomies, their science and their technologies, absorbed it all until he could put it to use at the very end. Toruga is in love with his mistress, but with her fixation on her vengeance and the delicate heartbreak, she refuses to see him in such a way. Which, in turns, drives his unyielding determination to please her to make her see him. Coming to the existence of the last vessel, Nikki, things got complicated. Neikan assigned him a task to make a malleable beast that can infiltrate, a living machine to be the wolf in sheep's clothing, so when the last life became known, this being would be sent to kill it. Unfortunately for them, that bio weapon became the last life. Once inheriting Neikan and all the previous lives, any of the previous wiring he had instilled in the fetus were completely wiped away with the new presence of thought and free will -- the result, which would send Toruga on a wild chase to retrieve his experiment , all the way back to Earth. He spends years having to establish bases and connections on earth, all while scouring for his little project, taking well over 10 years before finally finding her. When he eventually does kidnap her and attempt to reset her mentally, Nikki retaliates and flees, leaving him with the iconic face scar he has now, but his project was now an unstable mess.  

Toruga is a man who juggles many projects at once. Despite a singular failure, he is always looking to make improvements, which would have eventually led to the creation of Malakaid as a failsafe to getting rid of Nikki, then immediately lost after yet another raid by Rosie and the authorities. But there is no stopping, there is always alternatives to getting what he wants. His web is vast, his determination and will unyielding. The world will fall to his mistress, one way or another. As of now, Toruga works closely with a variety of associates, primarily the Branches of Virtues because of their plentiful assets, and acts as a kind of apostle for Neikan to gain more souls willing to join their cause. His main project is a viral mutagen called the Uxoru virus, and helping work towards a modified super soldier serum made from Angel’s blood.

Parents names: Neikan Shadou (Sheila Lunarcrest)

Siblings: The other negatives, including John, Sebura, Kura, and Joku. By technicality, anyone made by Neikan is a kind of sibling.

Relationship with siblings: Toruga is the head honcho of the show, responsible for directing and punishing the others for their failures. Their stupidity and clumsiness prove to be incredibly irritating to him, and because they cant die he has no hesitation in brutally maiming and abusing them for it. They all have a bitterness, but a respectful fear towards him, and he knows it well. None of them are his equal, for he was the first, and he intends to keep it that way.

Partner/Spouse: -Vermont (Former husband, now deceased. Murdered mistakenly by Toruga himself after Vermont questioned Neikan’s intentions and plans. )

Children:

- Nikki Ai (His first experiment, artificially created and planted within a mother. She has no recollection of him as her creator, but rather this monster that hunts her down. She never came back as she was suppose to, and thus is a nuisance he needs dead)

- Malakaid (The second improvement to Nikki’s design , made from Nikki and Jacob’s dna, spliced with his own. Malakaid was stolen as a baby by Rosie and imprinted on her. Because of this, he will not go back to Toruga.)

( From his relationship with Vermont)

- Veronica Winchester (Eldest daughter, ran away at 12 years old.)

- Toby Winchester ( A young boy, still living with him. He drags him around on his work trips when he’s able to. Because he witnessed his birth parent murdered as a toddler, Toby is practically a skittish mute of a boy that fears his father but will not dare leave the way his sister did.)

Enemies:

Basically got beef with everyone bcuz he probably fucked over your loved ones at some point and just doesn't recall it. He primarily has enemies with Rosie( A very personal vendetta) and the Angel Project, the Divine Calvary, and any enemies of the Branches of Virtues. He doesn’t try to make enemies but if people are gonna try to stop him from completing his work because its “unethical” and “Inhumane” then a bitch gonna go into the cage with the rest of the subjects. But he’s a hard man to hate because as long as you are blissfully ignorant, he seems like such a pleasant man to keep company with.

Associates:

- The Branches of Virtue

- Nathair Elerdand

- Neikan and the Negatives

Affiliated verse:

Tag: :The Good Doctor (Toruga):

- Iniquitous Essence (The info above)

- Pokeverse : Toruga is a scientist of the Aether foundation , working on a secret specialized project for Lusamine, to create a world where human and pokemon are one -- as halflings. He experiments using genetic information gathered from the ultra beast data, along with splicing human dna with that of Pokemon, varying from adults to unborn fetuses. Everyone of which failed (dying in a matter of months, if born. Dying and resulting in a stillbirth. Or death induced by the Human body rejecting the intrusive genetics and triggering a shut down response) until finally there was Rosie. He studied her for the entirety of her childhood, a secret success he dare not report until certain she would not die like the rest, only to be lost in a fire (as far as he knows) aimed at silencing her rowdy father.

Much to his dismay, Toruga continues his research on human genetics, milking the foundations of its assets to feed his curiosity, with no real loylty to anyone but himself. But those skulligans are a promising bunch of nobodies to utilize for testing. He’s on the hunt to get his pet project back

[egg-emperor]

I love Eggman's laugh. It's weirdly satisfying and hearty. I dare you, Jimbotnik, to come up with a laugh twice as great! But you don't have the fat necessary for a good chuckle so I doubt you'll beat Mike Pollock. ;)

YES, Mike Pollock's Eggman laugh is just one of the most delightful things I've ever heard! There was a really cool evolution of it too. When he was laughing as a Deem Bristow sound alike, the way that his role was originally intended to be, it sounded quite different.

Then he was asked to do the higher pitched "hoohoo" laugh but he opted for the lower santa-esque laugh. The former has still been occasionally used since and I love both! It was really cool to hear both his voice and laugh for Eggman become more of his own unique thing after initially being booked to match Deem Bristow's voice.

He's really determined how Eggman's character himself should sound because he can make his laugh funny, menacing and endearing through multiple variations- including the beautiful heheh laugh he does and more. But it always goes back to the most beloved and iconic hoho. I don't think any other take could make me feel quite as much joy as when I hear his in any scenes or voice clips!

My favorite is when you can hear the breaths put into the laughs, they really are so hearty and full of life. His laugh is so jolly and I love to hear it in any context, like when he's excited to destroy Sonic, chuckling with great pride in himself and eager to accomplish and get what he wants, etc. He's so confident and enthusiastic in what he does and it's evident even through his laughs. Mike Pollock is great at capturing that aspect of his character with total accuracy.

I don't think there's any way Carrey can come up with something better than that! Especially when he ain't got the lungs for it lol ;) Mike's has a power and energy that cannot be matched or surpassed by another.

[heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon]

Today in ‘Hazbin Hypocriticals’:  If you put the word “anti” in front of a tag name for a show and expect the fans not to get angry when you @ them... It was never “your” tag to begin with.

I’ll stop when “antis” stop bullying people for no reason.

 You’ve failed to keep out of the Hazbin Hotel tag already on literally any social media platform and now you wanna bully people and claim that’s it’s YOUR tag? No. That’s not how this works.

https://heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon.tumblr.com/post/615126231163322368/stop-putting-anti-neutral-because-you-know-not 

https://heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon.tumblr.com/post/620770927062466560/id-twotrucksonadate-started-following-you-so-i

https://heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon.tumblr.com/post/620844266247323648/okay-so-not-only-did-that-one-person-with-a-neil

https://heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon.tumblr.com/post/621654012301869056/insert-un-captured-shot-of-the-quip-i-had-made 

https://heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon.tumblr.com/post/621693252094001152/inky-the-alien-im-not-sorry-that-i-assumed-you

https://heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon.tumblr.com/post/621922255803465728/actual-antis-with-edited-hazbin-hotel-icons-are

https://heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon.tumblr.com/post/622303703384408064/so-today-in-hazbin-hypocriticals-being

https://heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon.tumblr.com/post/622320483106439169/the-main-blog-of-the-critical-who-made-that

https://heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon.tumblr.com/post/622406773952905216/hazmat-stans-can-you-fucking-stop-with-the-it

Keep your own fucking cross tagging that you started under control and stop bullying and baiting people to “interact” with you and then bullying them for that too when they try and then maybe, one day, I won’t. The Hazbin Hotel tag is NOT your tag just because you put the word “Anti” in front of it.  The term “anti” shouldn’t even exist in fandom spaces to begin with, nether really, should the use of Pride Flags unless it’s an extension of an expression of gender/sexuality/marginalized status for ones own comfort: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GVJNOKLBylg

What Anti’s do is just an extension of applying the use of a political language that they don’t understand to fandom spaces where they usually get to be the bigoted majority anyway and then now this particular one is telling me that I’m not allowed to ironically use a slam variation of my own tag that they use to bully me anyway just because they put the word “ANTI” in front of it and try to tell me it’s their tag now even though people like this KNOW that that they have a million other more hurtful. harmful, variations of slam tags they could use to bully me that they KNOW I’d never use AND THEN THESE SAME PEOPLE THINK THEY’RE ENTITLED ENOUGH TO FOLLOW ME AND BLOCK ME WITHOUT WARNING ONCE THEY “REALIZE”, COME INTO MY IMs, AND COME ONTO MY POSTS TRYING TO TELL ME HOW TO FEEL ABOUT HASHTAGS THAT THEY USE TO MOCK AND BULLY ME, because the modified tag of this show, that they use to mock and bully the fans of this show, is “theirs” and now this one is “annoyed” that I’m using something they made to mock me, to mock them right back.

Good to know it’s working, bud.

Good to know how much you don’t care about how you’re harming disabled people unless it’s convenient for you ether.

For context (Full post that they added their unwarranted commentary to): https://heartshapedcreaturefromcriptoon.tumblr.com/post/618564495669886978/first-screencap-a-twitter-user-making-fun-of

You’re only adding fuel to the fire of my Lame Flame.

@zeds-shipping-safehaven​ They put your post on their blog with those tags so I think it’s only fair you see this too. ^ ^’

But yeah, so it’s like ... So far I’ve been blocked by:

1. An anti with an Ace Attorney Icon

2. A “SU Critical” with a Lemon Demon URL who only ever made posts in defense of Lars and literally absolutely nothing else.

3. (And this one I blocked by myself) A straight up Hazbin Hotel Hate Blog with an “anti” URL, whose icon was an edited or rather “fixed” ( in their own words) picture of the character of Mimzy, and this anti got angry with me in the end because I neglected to use the proper third person pronoun that was not provided out of the two I had used that were provided and were correct and she tried to call me out for misgendering her I guess on a second blog that this person felt the need to point out to me was her main blog in the first place, because she was upset that I accidentally made the mistake of calling them a girl when they used an edited picture of cartoon a flapper girl from a show they claimed to hate as their icon and they presented their cartoon avatar on their main blog that I also had no way way of knowing about unless I checked, as feminine, and only she/her/they/them pronouns were listed there too and I had no way of knowing they weren’t actually comfortable being called a girl or even if they were a girl to start with because non-binary women exist but I didn’t have the time to ask them about all that because she was too busy telling me how much she hated the cartoon that I love and for some reason expecting me to engage in a civil , “mature” (her words not mine) conversation with her about this and then I blocked her for being obnoxious and then she contacted me on her main, that she felt the need to specify was her main, just to make a passive comment inferring I had misgendered her and I had blocked her then there too, for being obnoxious.

And fancy that, all three of you had “interacted” with me first.

I think that this just goes to show that you people have no sense of taste or tact.

And I guess I’m just to much of a stubborn bisexual of the crippled variety to keep my mouth shut when an “anti” comes onto my posts and starts meme-ing off to me about how apparently I’m not allowed to hi-jack a tag based on the (most basic) slam-variation of a show title that I love, that you coined to use specifically as an excuse to talk shit about this show that I love and bully the creator and the fandom because it’s “yours”, when I’m just trying to spread awareness of the dangerous ableism and hypocrisy that anti’s have on this post that you decided to meme off on that you’ve just proven that you do not care about unless it effects you.

Meanwhile, there’s a reason that the post you meme-d off on has had 58 notes so far and most of them are likes.

Nice try, bud.

You are not allowed or entitled to make space just to bully and harass people who are trying to enjoy a piece of media just because you put the word “anti” at the front of the original title of that media .

 If I’m really annoying you that much you know that you can just go, somewhere else like, say into...One of the a million other insult hashtags that you coined that are more blatant if you think that I’m too much hell or radio active to be around... And since you probably don’t get the jokes, I’m saying you should just go slip into your hazmat suit if you feel that much entitled to a safe space.

Oh wait, no!

As I was told by tumblr user “hazshithotel”, during a one-sided “interaction” that I did not ask for, “that’s just absurd”.

Maybe it’s absurd because it’s bullying!

As for myself I’m sorry for not captioning this, I’ve been insulted enough and I haven’t showered (Oh no, I’m currently befitting of a stereotype in a game of “anti” bingo tag, how ever do I live like this?!) and I just started my monthly and I’m hungry and I haven’t eaten all day because I’ve been writing this!

You have a certain ( I’m assuming, otherwise they’d have compassion)    abled-bodied bi sexual ace attorney to thank for their ableism and why I’m posting in the anti tags again, directly this time!

After this it’s back to watching Dragula.

[softbakededits]

i wanted to request something, but I'm mobile bound atm and I cant read the rules or the about! Sorry, but could you provide those for me? also hi, welcome back to activity land!

of course!!! and thank you, im glad to be back! :) ill put it all under a cut for you because its a bit long in total

that reminds me, i SHOULD make a pinned post for you mobile users, im so sorry i hadnt done that when the feature was added! my mistake. ill pin this if thats okay with you :)

the about is basically just about the blog, and includes a dni and what i do, so ill provide that for ya :)

dni if [from about page] : - basic dni criteria [trumeds, racists, --phobes, antisemite, ect ect] - proship / maps [or any variation of them] - anti-nonbinary / nb skeptic + anti-mogai - anti-kin - exclus - fujo

what i do here [from about page] : - edits - doodles - custom sprites [for ocs!] - any kin related things [hello am kinnie i will do things for US <3] - wallpapers/backgrounds [provided that you give me the dimensions needed :)] - pride/general icons/edits

rules/stuff i will NOT do : do not submit requests for; - hardcore gore [blood and such is fine] - nsfw [things like kisses are also fine] - any minor x adult [if its ambiguous then ill just uh. ill think about it and if its too ambiguous then i dont think ill do it just in case] - any canon sibligs x eachother - any glorification of above sbjects, including other things - oh, and i wont do white choco x men - this is more of me just. being tired of shit, but i also will not do edits that erase canon nonbinary cookies identities or canon sexualities [ie, any nonbinary cookies being portrayed as anything but, for example dj or snow sugar being portrayed as binary genders; white choco as not lesbian; cotton candy as not pan; ect ect]*

* please note that this doesnt apply to pride icons because i usually dont see pride icons as the character having what the flags represent, i see them as the owner of the account but with their favorite character or something similar to that.

anything made here can be used as icons, in edits, or be edited as long as you give credit back to me! <3 i dont mind what you do with it as long as it isnt nasty :)

keep in mind i reserve the ability to reject requests for any reason and i do not owe an explanation. if you REALLY want to know why a request was rejected, then dm me or send an ask off anon, and i can state if its just taking a while to get to or not, and if it WAS rejected then i can explain why.

[dontgobreakingmyart]

Fanfiction: Why Is It So Popular?

As someone on tumblr, you probably know what fanfiction is and know why it is popular. My AP Literature teacher, however, wasn’t so informed. 

My senior year, we were required to write a research paper about a trend. Some people did the rate of divorce, others did the increase of body modification and someone even did the death of Pokemon Go. 

Our teacher recommended that we chose a topic that we were familiar with, and my first 2 thoughts were fanfiction and anime. I had already had a friend that had done anime the year the before, so I thought “why not?”

And thus, my senior paper was born:

March , 2018

Fanfiction: Why Is It So Popular?

INTRODUCTION:

Generally, the word “fanfiction” conjures an image of lonely hermits, obsessive fans, or even dangerous flirtation with copyrights, but lately, fanfiction has been given a new face―a face of validity, expression, and even publication. Since January 2012, the amount of fanfiction for just one fandom (a collection of fans supporting a certain medium) has increased an astonishing 1,154% (Pellegrini). Objectively, fanfiction is a fan-made story that contains strong elements of the original work, generally using the same characters, themes, and other various components. For example, there are numerous works based off Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice, continuing on the story of Mr. and Mrs. Darcy; in fact, there has been a recent increase of published novels based on Pride and Prejudice of 32% since 2015 (“List of Literary Adaptations of Pride and Prejudice”). Why? Because fans were not satisfied with the original content; they wanted to see more of Elizabeth and Darcy’s relationship or they wondered what the characters would do in a zombie apocalypse or any other variation of “what if?” Fanfiction allows “amateur writers” to express their love for a book, tv show, game, etc., and whether it’s because of the lack of LGBT themes in most published works or the increasing ease of sharing their fiction, fanfiction writers are not likely to stop any time soon (Knorr).

BACKGROUND / HISTORY:

Although it might seem very unbelievable, fanfiction did not just start recently, or a couple decades ago, or in the 70s with that one Star Trek fanfiction. In fact, a good amount of older literature is fanfiction. If fanfiction is being defined as “any work of fiction that borrows major elements of another work of fiction,” then works such as Shakespeare’s Hamlet could technically count as fanfiction; Hamlet was originally an “ancient Scandinavian folk tale . . .[known as] ‘Vita Amlethi’ (‘The Life of Amleth’)” that Shakespeare not only re-wrote as a play, but inserted his own, personal experiences (Clark). The Iliad, The Odyssey, Oedipus Rex were all orally-told, Greek myths that someone decided needed to be written down. The only reason theses works are not recognized as “fanfiction” was because copyright was not as strict in that time and practically did not exist; after all, no one knows for sure who the real Shakespeare was because he did not officially claim his work. 

Fanfiction didn’t really become a label until Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Sherlock Holmes in the 1880s and with the birth of the internet, the famous Star Trek fanfiction. Officially, “the actual term ‘fanfiction’ was coined in 1939” and was used as an insult towards crudely written sci-fi fiction (Reich). In the late 90s and early 00s, rather than the “all-purpose” fanfiction cites today, “fans carved out their own little homes on the burgeoning internet. Star Trek fans here, X-Files fans there, Frasier fans somewhere else” (Hill). Most of those sites, however, have since died and have been replaced with the “all-purpose” ones like fanfiction.net. One of the most infamous modern fanfictions is E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey. Although it is technically a published novel, James has admitted that her novel was simply a Twilight fanfiction that she had written and aftered so that she wouldn’t break the copyright (Morrison). The largest development to the world of fanfiction, however, was the birth of Archiveofourown.org in 2007, a fanfiction website that “promised stronger resistance to legal challenges” to fanfiction writers unlike other, previous websites such as fanfiction.net (Burt). With the creation of this site, older ones have begun to die out just like the fandom-centric ones of the past.

#1 REASON:

Over the years, fanfiction has morphed from a shameful pass time to a socially acceptable medium of expression. Published authors have been, in fact, recommending fanfiction as a positive way to start writing. The author of the Princess Diaries Meg Cabot came out about her fanfiction writing, saying, “I myself used to write Star Wars fan fiction when I was tween. I think writing fanfiction is a good way for new writers to learn to tell a story” (Romano). And many other famous authors have made a contribution to the fanfiction community: Cassandra Clare, author of Mortal Instrument Series; Orson Scott Card, author of Ender’s Game; S. E. Hinton, author of The Outsiders; Neil Gaiman, author of The Sandman Series, and so many others (O’Brien, Kovach). 

While visiting a Writing Workshop, the published author hosting it, Pamela Thibodeaux, encouraged me to begin writing and posting fanfiction in order to start a healthy fanbase, so that when I go to get a book published, the transition is much smoother. Writing fanfiction is just as stimulating as writing an original novel. In a CNN article about fanfiction, they explicitly stated that “even if the subject matter is a little blue [writing fanfiction] is a positive form of self-expression,” compelling parents to “encourage writing” (Knorr). In fact, the main difference between the two is that writing fanfiction “takes the pressure of world-building off” which allows the writer to explore their writing style without getting tangled up in creating something from scratch (McQuien). In a way, fanfiction is the box of cake mix in the literature world―it helps amateurs to take the first step of baking without getting too overwhelmed, but in the end, it can taste just as good.

#2 REASON:

As the overall acceptance and validity of fanfiction has increased, fanfiction has found its way into the publishing world, being branded as actual literature. Time-honored novels such as Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice have several published, fan-made additions and recreations of the original tale like Pride and Prejudice II: The Sequel by Victoria Park and Seth Grahame-Smith’s Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, which was turned into a filmed phenomena in 2016 (“List of Literary Adaptations of Pride and Prejudice”). Although there have been many literary adaptations of this novel spanning as far back as 1932, there has been a 32% increase of published fanfictions just for this fandom (“List of Literary Adaptations of Pride and Prejudice”).

 Sir Arthur Conan Doyle has also witnessed this movement with his iconic Sherlock Holmes series, especially with the popular television series Sherlock, a “modernization” (or modern au [alternate universe] in fanfiction jargon) of the classic cases between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson (“8 unconventional Sherlock Holmes adaptations”). These published fanfictions have been able to keep the trademarked names of their beloved characters, but many novels had to undergo extensive editing to cross the line of “fanfiction” into “literature.” 

One of the most famous, or rather infamous, examples of this is how E. L. James’ 50 Shades of Grey was originally a Twilight fanfiction (Morrison). Another, perhaps not as well known, is L. Stoddard Hancock’s Cruel and Beautiful World, which was heavily based off of J. K. Rowling’s beloved Harry Potter; in fact, her novel indulges the ship [romantic pairing] of Hermione and Draco, fondly known as “Dramione” in the Harry Potter fandom (Sarner). While some fanfictions have to undergo a facelift in order to be published, their true identity still remains intact: they are still devoted extensions to the esteemed works of another author.

#3 REASON:

Fanfiction has evolved greatly throughout history, and how to post fanfictions and share them with the world is just getting easier and easier. As mentioned prior, the creation of Archive of Our Own revolutionized the world of fanfiction with its promise of legal support, but how? In 2002, there was a great purging of fanfictions on the original fanfiction posting website, fanfiction.net, shaking the fanfiction community and dissuading writers from posting their fanfics (Silver). It was this sort of mass-banning on works that encouraged the creation of Archive of Our Own and its legal branch the “Organization of Transformative works” where they “clarify the legality of fanfiction, champion fan-created works whenever they were legally challenged, and provide fans with legal resources in case they were targeted by copyright claims” (Silver). In short, Archive of Our Own gave fanfic writers a safe place to share their fanfictions. 

Because of this difference with websites, despite the age difference and advantage Fanfiction.net may have with it, the increase of Harry Potter fanfictions on Archive of Our Own, for example, have increased 795% more than those on Fanfiction.net since 2010 (Pellegrini). Not only that, but Archive of Our Own has many other unique features that makes both writing fanfictions and reading fanfictions much more convenient such as tagging (Romano). Speaking from personal experience as a user of both Fanfiction.net and Archive of Our Own, although the first is not a bad place to read fanfiction, it is not nearly as user-friendly. For example, if I wanted to read a Harry Potter fanfiction, I could easily do so on both sites, but if I wanted to read a Harry Potter fanfiction that had the ship “Dramione” or had “zombies” or where Fred didn’t die, I can only specify those tags on Archive of Our Own to find that perfect fanfiction. And fanfiction sites are still continuing to expand, to shape, to mold themselves in order to fit the preferences of the ever-evolving writers that post on them.

#4 REASON:

The world of literature is a diverse melting pot of ideas and people, but even with this diversity, there are many minorities that are pushed to the side such as the LGBT community―in the world of fanfiction, however, they are the majority. Seeing LGBT often connotes inaccurate concepts, especially in literature, where one thinks “gay” when they see LGBT and then “the label of ‘gay’ often overshadows the important elements of the story/author, often tarnish[ing] the book before it can be read” (Guy). The LGBT community is so much more than just “gay,” and those different branches are very rarely explored in published literature, but in fanfiction, they florrish. 

Although majority of fanfiction does involve romance and a good amount of it involves couples of the same sex, that is not the only layer as is with most “gay” literature. In fanfiction, everyone is represented―if you want to read a fanfiction where the main character is asexual, where the main character is genderfluid, where there’s a polyromantic relationship, where someone is aromantic, bisexual; no matter what it is you want, I can almost guarantee it’s out there somewhere. The fanfiction website Archive of Our Own found that only 38% of their users were heterosexual, meaning that at least 62% belong to the LGBT community and more people identified as genderqueer than as male (Hu). Everyone wants to be represented in media, to have someone to relate to. 

The little gay literature that is there, is only just now being reprinted, falling out of print since the 80’s, and a good amount of it is being banned (Healey). For example, Amazon refused to sell a gay Victorian novel, claiming it was “pornagraphic,” yet they have an entire section for “erotic” fiction such as 50 Shades of Grey (Healey). With fanfiction, writers don’t have to worry about labels, whether a couple is straight or homosexual or genderqueer or whatever. Writers care about the stories, the chemistry between the characters that make them a dynamic duo, and with fanfiction, writers can share that.

CONCLUSION:

Fanfiction has existed for centuries with Sophocles's Oedipus Rex and Shakespeare’s Hamlet and Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s Sherlock Holmes and Star Trek and it shows no sign of stopping now. In fact, the amount of fanfiction hasn’t just increased because of its acceptance or its publication or the ease of posting, but because of new and continuous material. 

Before the release of BBC’s show Sherlock, there were fanfictions based on the original book, and the addition of the show allowed Sherlock Holmes and John Watson to become more familiar, and thus, more fanfictions to be added to the overall fandom. The same occured with the Harry Potter fandom. When Jack Thorne’s play Harry Potter and the Cursed Child (a published fanfiction continuing J.K. Rowling’s original series Harry Potter), fanfiction writers exploded with new material, new ideas, and new fanfictions; a total of 1,682 fanfictions concerning Harry Potter and the Cursed Child have been posted on Archive of Our Own since the play’s release date in 2016 (Search Results for Harry Potter and the Cursed Child). Due to the recent release of Voltron: Legendary Defender in 2016, there has been a staggering 5,054% increase of fanfiction for the show originally from the 80’s (Search Results for Voltron). 

With every reinstatement of a show, a new generation of potential fanfiction writers are exposed to it, adding on to the classic mediums other fanfiction writers wrote about before them such as Star Trek or Sex in the City, where there are still significant increases of 8,600% since 2005 and the show ended in 2004 (Kneale). Fanfiction increases because more and more people are being exposed to that world. Just as there will always be incoming literature and TV shows and movies, new fanfictions will be trailing in afterwards like a relentless shadow.

Works Cited

“Archive of Our Own Beta.” Archive of Our Own, www.archiveofourown.org/works/search?utf8=✓&work_search[query]=Harry potter and the cursed child.

“Archive of Our Own Beta.” Archive of Our Own, www.archiveofourown.org/works/search?utf8=✓&work_search[query]=Voltron.

Burt, Stephanie. “The Promise and Potential of Fan Fiction.” The New Yorker, The New Yorker, 23 Aug. 2017, www.newyorker.com/books/page-turner/the-promise-and-potential-of-fan-fiction.

Clark, Cassandra. “‘Hamlet’ Origins: The Legend of Amleth.” Shake It Up, 28 June 2017, sfshakes.wordpress.com/2017/06/28/hamlet-origins-the-legend-of-amleth/.

“Eight Unconventional Sherlock Holmes Adaptations.” The Week - All You Need to Know about Everything That Matters, 29 Feb. 2012, theweek.com/articles/477729/8-unconventional-sherlock-holmes-adaptations.

Guy, Lauren. “What's the Point of LGBT Literature?” The University Times, 16 Oct. 2016, www.universitytimes.ie/2016/10/whats-the-point-of-lgbt-literature/.

Healey, Trebor. “Early Gay Literature Rediscovered.” Huffington Post, www.huffingtonpost.com/trebor-healey/early-gay-literature-redi_b_5373869.html .

Hill, Mark. “The Forgotten Early History of Fanfiction.” Motherboard, 3 July 2016, motherboard.vice.com/en_us/article/4xa4wq/the-forgotten-early-history-of-fanfiction.

Hu, Jane. “The Revolutionary Power Of Fanfiction For Queer Youth.” The Establishment, The Establishment, 16 May 2016, theestablishment.co/the-importance-of-fanfiction-for-queer-youth-4ec3e85d7519.

Kneale, Heidi. “Final Staff.” The Appeal of Fanfiction, July 2005, www.irosf.com/q/zine/article/10165.

Knorr, Caroline. “Inside the Racy, Nerdy World of Fanfiction.” CNN, Cable News Network, 5 July 2017, www.cnn.com/2017/07/05/health/kids-teens-fanfiction-partner/index.html.

Kovach, Catherine. “7 Authors Who Wrote Fanfiction.” Bustle, Bustle, 20 Mar. 2018, www.bustle.com/articles/160939-7-authors-who-wrote-fanfiction-because-its-actually-the-best.

“List of Literary Adaptations of Pride and Prejudice.” List of Literary Adaptations of Pride and Prejudice, ipfs.io/ipfs/QmXoypizjW3WknFiJnKLwHCnL72vedxjQkDDP1mXWo6uco/wiki/List_of_literary_adaptations_of_Pride_and_Prejudice.html.

McQuein, Josin L. “My Bloggish Blog Thing.” Novels vs. Fanfiction, 18 Apr. 2012, 12:53 PM, josinlmcquein.blogspot.com/2012/04/novels-vs-fanfiction.html.

Morrison, Ewan. “In the Beginning, There Was Fan Fiction: from the Four Gospels to Fifty Shades.” The Guardian, Guardian News and Media, 13 Aug. 2012, www.theguardian.com/books/2012/aug/13/fan-fiction-fifty-shades-grey.

OBrien, David. “Famous Authors Who Began in Fan Fiction.” AUTHORS.me, 27 Oct. 2016, www.authors.me/famous-authors-began-fan-fiction/.

Pellegrini, Nicole. “FanFiction.Net vs. Archive of Our Own.” HobbyLark, HobbyLark, 15 Feb. 2017, letterpile.com/writing/fanfictionnet-vs-archive-of-our-own.

Pellegrini, Nicole. “FanFiction.Net vs. Archive of Our Own.” HobbyLark, HobbyLark, 15 Feb. 2017, letterpile.com/writing/fanfictionnet-vs-archive-of-our-own.

Romano, Aja. “10 Famous Authors Who Write Fanfiction.” The Daily Dot, 9 Mar. 2017, www.dailydot.com/parsec/10-famous-authors-fanfiction/.

Romano, Aja. “Is It Possible to Quantify Fandom? Here's One Statistician Who's Crunching the Numbers |.” The Daily Dot, 24 Feb. 2017, www.dailydot.com/parsec/toastystats-ao3-fandom-statistics/.

Sarner, Lauren. “This 'Harry Potter' Fan Fiction Author Adapated Dramione Into A Novel.” Inverse, 18 July 2016, www.inverse.com/article/15572-dramione-fandom-harry-potter-fan-fiction-romance-l-stoddard-hancock-broken-wings.

Silver, Farasha. “How Archive of Our Own Revolutionized Fandom.” FAN/FIC Magazine, 26 Mar. 2017, fanslashfic.com/2015/11/01/how-archive-of-our-own-revolutionized-fandom/.

Times, J.E. Reich Tech. “Fanspeak: The Brief Origins Of Fanfiction.” Tech Times, MENU$(".Topsearchbutton").Click(Function(){ $(".Srcframe").Toggle(); }); $('Input[Type="Search"]').Keypress(Function() { $("#Srcform").Submit(); });TechScienceHealthCultureReviewsFeatures, 25 July 2015, www.techtimes.com/articles/70108/20150723/fan-fiction-star-trek-harry-potter-history-of-fan-fiction-shakespeare-roman-mythology-greek-mythology-sherlock-holmes.htm.

[atlantisking]

RANDOM MUN FACTS YOU SURELY WANT TO KNOW .

TAGGED BY :  @andalasiian  <3 <3 TAGGING :  @awbartonno, @americanasitgets, @hookedcop, @outlawiism, @asgardianhammer, @valadhxfndr, @mjwatsonjackpot, @scavengered name : glowy nickname / s :  glowy is that nickname... or glow, or glowworm or some kind of variation of the above height : 5′6″ nationality : hungarian (i live in the uk but i wasn’t born here so no nationality for me) favorite fruit : strawberry, banana, watermelon, melon favorite season : spring favorite scents : clothes fresh out of the drier, coconut favorite color / s : mint and most shades of green tbh favorite animals :  how dare you make me choose i love them all!!!! tea , coffee , hot cocoa :  with my decaffeinated life i enjoy all three at different times... currently it’s PSL season so yum average hours of sleep : 6-7 probably, tinnitus doesn’t let me sleep a lot when my blog was created : we’ve been here for over a year now, i made this blog march 2017!  # of followers : 1880 (holy shit guys wtf) random fact : we have a little office room in the house, that’s where my gaming paradise is set up, my laptop and my xbox and where my aqua.man shrine is with my current collection of 4 figures, but we’re hoping to get many more! they’re literally just on the desk all around me. favorite food : hmmm i love a good chilli, chicken paprikash, chimney cake, new york cheesecake, pastaaaaaa any kind i could eat it by itself i love pasta, strictly al dente favorite t.v. show : stranger things, the alienist, victoria, the crown, archer (mostly older seasons), queer eye, daredevil, luke cage, jessica jones... i’m sure i’m forgetting something  favorite movie : HOT FUZZ IS MY OFFICIAL FAVOURITE FILM OF ALL TIME, buuut i love the LotR trilogy, guardians of the galaxy (the first one specifically, iconic), george of the jungle, pitch perfect, fight club, se7en, most things by guy ritchie idk man i love films our blu-ray collection is ridiculous favorite vine : probably 99% of thomas sanders’ stuff sexuality : idek... labels... i’m somewhere on the scale pronouns : she / her or they / them or he / his, i really don’t mind favorite book series :  THE WITCHER SAGA O_O, but why just series my dudes, is this the young adult thing?? because there are many beautiful stand alone books! i say beautiful, i love some fucked up books like 99% of stephen king, lisey’s story is a masterpiece, or cell or the shining, or tommyknockers, or the girl who loved tom gordon, SO MANY, or trainspotting by irvine welsh, rules of attraction by bret easton ellis... mystic river & shutter island by dennis lehane... fucked up thrillers are the best, but i also love some classics like pride & prejudice or the scarlet letter... i love books... so much favorite video game / s :  ooooooh, okay so dragon age series, again, WITCHER SAGA ( yes kids, there were two other games before 3 came out ), black mirror series, don’t starve, THE DIVISION, FABLE, frostpunk, VAMPYR, thoroughly enjoying pathfinder - kingmaker currently, assassin’s creed (2 and origin)... i’m probably forgetting some... i love video games also... this is why i don’t have time for anything favorite subject : art history & literature guys or girls : mostly guys, sometimes girls... yes, girls can be great but you know what? boys need love too!!  last time i cried : like.... tuesday?? work is busy and i’m having trouble dealing what i should be doing :  filling up my queue!!! favorite fandoms :  NOW FANDOMS ARE ON THIN FUCKING ICE!! i like things but most of the times i don’t like the fandom so..... i honestly can’t think of a fandom right now that really jumps out.... dc is all right.... for now...

[sakaar-wheretherestendsup]

Completely unrelated:

The whole Scarlett Johansson thing happening right now.... (I’m not talking about Ghost In the Shell- that should’ve gone to an Asian woman, not a white one), but for her being cast as a Trans man: I understand the need for representation and the fact that trans people need to be shown properly in the way that they are in society in true form, but what about all those times where a straight actor played a gay man/woman, what about all those times where a straight man played the role of a trans woman, what about all those times a gay individual played a straight person???? I mean, it’s called acting for a reason, is it not? I’m not trying to be callous or ignorant here, don’t get me wrong, nor am I trying to hurt anyone’s feelings. I understand the argument that if trans actors got the chance to play non-trans roles, this wouldn’t be that big of a problem, but the thing is, in most of the comments and reactions I’ve been reading on this situation, very few people are using that as their argument. Most of it is just the fact that straight or non-trans people shouldn’t be playing trans people. I just don’t understand why? It’s a role? Acting is about becoming someone you are not. It’s about leaving your comfort zone, it’s about adopting a different persona, a different personality, a different individuality.

Let’s talk about the race card. I’m sure some (a lot) of people would say, “according to that logic, a white actor playing a person of another race or color shouldn’t be a big deal, but it is and Hollywood is starting to acknowledge that”. Here’s the thing though, there’s a lot of history surrounding the introduction of race into the industry. At the beginning it would be a major thing if there even was a character of color included in a script! And then, IF there was, they would have a white actor play him/her. What that implied and outright said, was that “we don’t find person’s of color attractive enough to put in films, or make films about them. Gradually, when the issue of race started sweeping the whole country, they started including more people of color in films. Then, the issue became more about proper representation, and having more important roles with more people of color (and different from just black and white at that) rather than just having them in the first place. The issue was, and still is, about having people in films that mirror the way society is. If you have a white man playing a black, Asian, or Indian one, then the message that’s being sent out is “we think white people are more attractive than the actual type of person we are trying to portray.” It’s also saying, that “we don’t actually believe society should be the way it is and have all these different people live and work cohesively”.

I understand that you can say that gender identity and sexual orientation should be treated the same way, but what these two topics and issues really need are awareness and acceptance. I’m not saying they shouldn’t have proper representation, but you also have to be practical about some things. The main issue surrounding gender identity is most people’s’ lack of acceptance or “believability” of/in it. What these big Hollywood films do by making biopics and storylines surrounding gender identity issues and casting star studded names in and as those people is bring awareness to real people that went through real, painful facets of life to become who they really were/are. I get that in an ideal world, everyone would like to say that by casting trans people in such roles would be the thing that would really be making a statement and really be enforcing awareness, but frankly that’s not going to happen. I’m not trying to be insensitive, but while it is undoubtedly true that a lot of lgbtq+ people would flock to theatres and fill some seats and watch those movies, the overwhelming majority of people won’t, and those percentage of people that won’t are the ones that need educating, not the people who already know and accept and appreciate trans people! The people who don’t aren’t going to go watch a movie with some person they couldn’t care less about playing another person they don’t particularly care much about knowing. Those movies in those cases would tank. “What about Love, Simon, and Wonder Woman, and Black Panther, and other such movies that represented minorities in a correct manner and did so well!! Look at that! That’s what proper representation does. The right way will prevail!” Yeah. No. Black Panther? Look at how fucking long that took. A whole black cast with black superheroes and black super villains and black music and various “black” cultures. Very. Fucking long. and it did well for various reasons: 1. They started introducing some of the characters earlier to get audiences used to them, 2. They used some big house names in the cast to kickstart a few things (Lupita (big before BP-Oscar winner), Michael B. Jordan, Forest Whittaker, Angela Basset), 3. it was a MARVEL STUDIOS, Disney film. It had ALOT of backing and fandom support, and 4. Finally, yes of course one of the biggest reasons for its success and impact and influence was the fact that it was an all black cast and a black superhero done all in the right way, but all those people that filled those seats?? They had been waiting for this for ages! Ages. It was way past time for something like this! And again we’re back to the race card. WONDER WOMAN. Let’s talk WW, it did great! It even didn’t have a huge name actress! But it did have a huge name character. Wonder Woman herself drew a huge part of her audience. And the fact that it was a female directed film. Again, another group of people, who had never been given an opportunity like this. LOVE, SIMON. Love, Simon did really well for a movie solely surrounding a gay kid. In fact, it’s the biggest “blockbuster” for such a “genre”. 8, even 4 years ago? It would’ve tanked. With a pretty much “no-name” cast besides Jennifer Garner (who is not the center of the storyline), it would’ve gotten nothing, but it did. Why? Because for the past couple of decades, Hollywood has been “experimenting” various times with gay concepts and storylines and characters. It’s not a “new” thing. It’s not something people haven’t heard of. It’s not something only a handful of people accept or recognize and appreciate. It’s still a battle and gay acceptance has a long way to go with the public, but it’s not “strange” (mostly) for someone to see a gay character on screen because it’s no longer considered “strange” (mostly) to interact with, and associate with, and live lives with, and develop relationships with gay individuals in the real world.

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the trans community. Of course none of that is their/our fault. It’s the world, and the media, and Hollywood, and people who refuse to accept. But the thing is that while, I’m sure the trans community has been suffering and waiting for ages as well, the truth of the matter is, that a majority of the public is not recognizing that. They’ve barely begun to accept the l, g, and b parts of “lgbtq+”, so on the cycle of awareness, recognition, acceptance, and complete normalcy of these things, the trans community, unfortunately, is still put on awareness. Even now, this last month, with all the pride parades across the country, the amount of non-lgbtq+ persons toting signs of awareness and accceptance for those first 3 and last letter were bigger than those for trans. We’re still stuck on awareness. When Trump pulled his shit about the military and trans people, people stood up and fought back but it was all surface level. It was all “we stand with trans people”, “trans people are people too”, “we recognize and accept trans” and things like that. It hasn’t gone beyond that yet. We’re still at the point where we need all the help we can get in awareness. And the fact of the matter is that that means getting Hollywood to make films about trans people. Successful trans people, not successful trans people, good trans people, bad trans people, trans people of all colors, races, shapes, and sizes. Just like they did and are doing with gay, and lesbian, and bisexual people. And we need this films to gain awareness. BIG AWARENESS. Not just theatres with seats filled only by lgbtq+ and some supporters, but more people than that. People that will go to watch their favorite actor or actress. Or a certain director or production house. That means getting and letting big stars be cast as iconic trans people, so that the public will start recognizing and accepting them/us.

Also, back to the acting thing. Where do we draw the line? Of what people are allowed to play and what they aren’t? Race makes sense, on a fundamental level it just makes sense, there’s not much acting experience you can learn or earn by playing another race in an official capacity. You can learn by playing character types. And I’m sorry, but sexual orientation definitely falls under character type. So does gender identity, in a sense. Just like religion. If you extend the line to gender identity, then will you extend it to sexual orientation? And then after that, to religion? What’s the point of acting then? I get that some of you will say there’s a lot you can don by just staying in your lane, but for people and actors who have done so much of that, what about them? Some of the most iconic and award winning roles and movies have centered around sexual orientation and some gender identity issues. It gives the actors a challenging and emotionally charged role. How is that disparaging or improper representation? Will you eventually start getting offended over the fact that a Jewish individual might play a Hindu, or vice versa? Or whatever variation with religion that could come up? Shouldn’t there be , with that logic, “proper” representation there then too?

Also, again, I apologize, but what if the actual trans actors that are auditioning for the role just aren’t what the studio wants? That’s just show business. You have to get over that. Basically what you’re saying is that if it fits your bill and works properly somehow in your mind, it’s fine, but if it doesn’t it’s not? That’s not for you to decide.

The ScarJo thing: frankly, her non-marvel movies recently haven’t done that well and a lot of that is simply on the stories of the films she’s been in and some of it is also because of the controversy surrounding her (but not too much - the money depends on the entertainment factor, sorry). Personally, I love her as Natasha/Black Widow, I think her acting chemistry with her co-stars is fantastic. She plays really well off of other actors, and she’s a good actress. should she have thought GitS through? Yes. But she didn’t. Actors make idiotic choices all the time. The trans role she’s taking on, if she does a good job, I’ll like her performance, if she doesn’t, I won’t. It’s as simple as that. A lot of that also lies on the directors and story-writers shoulders as well so there’s that. There’s a lot of crap with her and Woody Allen that I don’t condone, but I’m also trying to come to terms with the fact that there are quite a few actors who I love who had said nice things about him in the past (Hugh Jackman, Cate Blanchett, Javier Bardem, etc.). So there. That’s my bit. Thanks for listening. I apologize if I offended people, I’m trying to simultaneously understand and explain what I’m thinking/feeling. I’ve never written such a long post about anything in my life. I promise I don’t hate trans people. Or any people really. Actually, I hate neo -nazis, and those that are explicitly trump followers (not simply republicans but trump followers, there’s a difference- you know who you are). Anyways. I don’t. I’m a liberal, minority colored woman myself, (not that that means anything), but yeah I get it. But it’s confusing.

[usashirtstoday]

Everything Happens For A Reason And That Reason Is Usually Physics T Shirt

Your writers are great as well he should handle easy to maneuver diet Vance writer I would really try to really knowing something to 4 feet of the sportster Your team could actually as part of the culture that devices sporty’s for name culture tinkering on this engine that to work on everything said said this is a Everything Happens For A Reason And That Reason Is Usually Physics T Shirt great platform for you as well if you’re one of those guys to all mentioned as well again this is just my speculation that because this framing engine is been around for so long in this is probably next to the next family for Harley Davidson to change at so using just announced that their closing the York are seasoning the Kansas City plants in Kansas City plan right now they build the sportster’s in the streets so there my prediction is to have for one more year concert have the plant operatingand tell the the need 2019 cell believe it was June 2019 wasand the friction between a model year so I would on this year going 2019 Molly year following these bikes probably go away 2020 I don’t know for sure justice I guess you guys this was the video for any questions please feel even in the comments belowand is always looking for a new utensil in California area present the other laid off Harley Davidsonand Lavergne this Sunday bike AKS later For over 100 years Harley Davidson has pioneered what has become the iconic American motorcycle for over a century the writers have fallen in love with the American engineering what makes up a Harley Davidson between engine the day before the big pistons under is from the simplistic Ross styling in the classic appeal that is timeless but what happens when you take all that away in 2014 Harley Davidson announced the LiveWire project it was a working prototype for their first ever all electric motorcycle the first all that you motorcycle ever to be released by major motorcycle manufacturer the tour route 66 with the project LiveWire allowing take a ride to gather feedback pride is six years later in the 2020 model year they lost the first ever all electric Harley Davidson motorcycle this is my day in Los Angeles writing first LiveWire Laidlaw screw Nickand Angela help me out I enlisted the help of an influential electric vehicle expert Diego Cardenas connect to a Hail Mary reset to guide it’s always in my dream to work with a guy who has a deep rooted affiliation with Harley Davidsonand has led the Harley culture his whole lifeand accomplished actor probably neither shipownerand most importantly probably easiest fire sporty day today writing within the bike completely to zero I want to make sure you drain the battery all the way down to the bike would not move another eachand in charge it upand I learned the time the charging for myself on Davidson claims it charges 80 and 45 minutesand hundred percent in one hour but I wanted to put that to the test on the DC fast charge you got two options basically the charges motorcycle complains along hundred 20 V takes about 10 hours to charge it I did not test that you can use a DC fast chargers considered a level III DC faster stations are available at all Harley Davidson dealership to carry the LiveWire I get a lot of questions about the level to which the 240 V ally cars use that’s the LiveWire does not have the capability to charge faster than the level one with the level to the reason being is they didn’t have enough real estate on the bike to put the proper charger on there to mitigate the heat in a conscious decision to use a real estateand give it to a level III charging which provides the fastest charging available to you earlier riveted on a freeway daughter miles an hour examined from road notes for the whole free day so we were definitely doing what you want to do if you want to get maximum on the batteryand hundred 20 freeway the theme expectation is not that posed a little over hundred 47 case scenario effect on surface streets good onand off writing an hourand look at the charge every unit cells LiveWire is mandatory for as he says in about an hour when our unityand hundred percent severance right now you said the bite is a complete zero as far as charge right nowand when Georgia back up the hill on DC fast charge over the flat here this port here is the communicator that was at that point misses her all the powers transferred in this port here recognizes the help though authorized in vehicle gaps trade up as one person they were start the timer right now like DC fast charge system gulping that you stand by restarting the timer right now right now againand Q3and DC charge use right now my time one hour battery charge one hour Harley Simon Simon been about 48 1 2 minutesand were at 79 in so he says 80 in 45 minutes so that pretty day close reading class so you write a 49 minute mark right now what I made yesterday four minutes offand I’m sure there’s always a little bit of variation among chargers they could be a new yeah that’s a good point so not I don’t believe manufactures published numbers but this is actually very very close so charge the fire by a one hour in four minutes from completely life would not start to follow it with DC fast charge which really advertises a full charge in one hour’s only format that pretty day good one thing I will say I mean smears yearand that all their numbers are pretty conservative they want consumers really do all their numbers from the rain charge time ourand so surround my view is most people will charge facing the one or will be no 80 and 45 minutes and. 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The 30 best ‘NBA on NBC’ intros

Relive the glory of basketball nostalgia with these old ‘NBA on NBC’ intros.

The 12-year run of the NBA on NBC is mostly beloved for John Tesh’s iconic “Roundball Rock” musical intro, which just so happens to be my ringtone. But I will always cherish it because of the network’s soaring introduction monologues to its big games, which transmitted the viewer inside a piece of art with intense moods and high stakes.

Basketball wasn’t better in the ‘90s than it is today, not by a longshot. But I do think it was sold far more effectively, with the kind of visual and thematic care that made the key figures larger than life. I wish the league’s current television partners tried harder to mimic the scale and grandeur of NBC’s work.

Luckily, YouTube offers us the chance to look back on the days where playoff games really felt like epic dramas. I found more than 150 available on the internet and collected them in a playlist you can find here.

While you watch that, let me show you my 30 favorites. Let me know if you think I overranked, underranked, or missed any from this glorious era.

(All the titles were made up by me).

30. “First Round”

Timberwolves at Sonics 1998 First-Round Game 5 Bob Costas

I love the timing of this one. George Karl’s deep breath sets the mood before any narration is needed, and the multiple Gary Payton still shots capture the incredulousness of Seattle’s first-round demons. Costas’ closing line – “Maybe too often” – is delivered perfectly.

29. “Lil’ Penny is Ready”

Magic at Bulls 1996 East Finals Game 1 Chris Rock

No NBA on NBC list is complete without including this one, even if it’s gimmick’y and the narration doesn’t age well.

28. “Teacher and Pupil”

Heat at Knicks 1997 East Semifinals Game 3 Tom Hammond

This was the first of many NBC introductions for brutal Heat-Knicks playoff games, so it’s neat to look back and remember the larger context before it was obscured by all the fighting. Teacher vs. pupil framed the two teams beautifully, especially because the teacher-pupil relationship was flipped on the court. The music makes me feel like I’m at a graduation ceremony, and Hammond leans into the theme with his word choices — “protege,” “taught their former coach a lesson,” “school was out,” “pass the test.”

27. “The Second Season”

Pacers at Knicks 1994 East Finals Game 7 Bob Costas

The highest points of this intro rival anything NBC has put together. The rapid tone change before Game 5. The drumbeat as John Starks violently high-fives Spike Lee. The final line — “48 minutes from what they were merely expected to do.” Those moments give me chills. But I docked this one for all the fluff it took to reach those high beats. If NBC had an Achilles heel, it was the length of some of their intros. This one was nearly two minutes long, which is a bit much.

26. “Stalemate”

Blazers at Lakers 2000 West Finals Game 7 Bob Costas

As much as I love the openings that center around a specific theme, sometimes it’s better to simply run through the key protagonists and what’s at stake for each. Costas does so comprehensively in this one, illustrating the wide-ranging set of characters in what proved to be a memorable series.

25. “Something to savor”

Knicks at Bulls 1998 NBA Regular Season Bob Costas

Did I only include this one because of the early release of ESPN’s 10-part The Last Dance documentary. Yeah, probably.

24. “Not Like This”

Knicks at Bulls 1993 East Finals Game 6 Marv Albert

I loved two things about this video. One was the close-up picture of a hoop as Albert narrates Charles Smith’s three blown bunnies. Talk about vivid imagery. The second: the melancholy feel of the music, combined with Pat Riley stuttering with doubt as he tries to sell the public on this being the Knicks’ “defining moment.” It’s as if NBC knew New York would never be the same after Game 5.

23. “Right Now”

Bulls at Knicks 1993 East Finals Game 1 Marv Albert

Van Halen’s “Right Now” was (and still is) a popular song choice for a pump-up video, one NBC used a few times too over the years. But it works perfectly for this video because it fits the overall theme while simultaneously allowing NBC to visually speed up the entire season before reaching the climax we all knew was coming.

22. “Desperation”

Sonics at Rockets 1997 West Semifinals Game 7 Greg Gumbel

Gumbel deserved more chances to narrate these introduction videos. He had a way of putting his own spin on common themes, expertly using language that others wouldn’t. Seattle didn’t just fall behind Houston, they “teetered on the edge.” They didn’t just win all their elimination games, they “persevered.” The sentence structure that both conveys Houston’s history facing long deficits and their history against these Sonics. We’ll hear more from Gumbel later on in this countdown.

21. “Another Time And Place”

Pistons at Knicks 1992 East Quarterfinals Game 2 Marv Albert

Albert’s narration tended to be super serious and at times over the top, so I enjoyed the goofy change of pace. I’m not sure the second half of this intro was necessary, though it did give us Dennis Rodman picking up a stray dog that wandered onto the Madison Square Garden court.

20. “The Year Of Sir Charles”

Suns at Sonics 1993 West Finals Game 6 Dick Enberg

It’s the little touches that make this video work. The patriotic music choice before leading with his gold medal. The split screen of Barkley deep in thought on one side and his accomplishments flashing on the other. Enberg’s repeated use of Barkley’s full name. This intro underscores how much care was actually put into these introductions.

19. “I Wanna Take You On A Rollercoaster”

Pacers at Knicks 1999 East Finals Game 6 Tom Hammond

18. “The Ride of a Lifetime”

Magic at Rockets 1995 Finals Game 3 Marv Albert

These two videos show how NBC used the same theme — a rollercoaster ride — to convey very different emotional journeys. The Knicks’ rollercoaster was unplanned and filled with self-induced drama, so NBC chose Lunatic Calm’s “Leave You Far Behind,” a heart-pumping dance song that conveys raw, and at times misdirected, energy. Houston’s rollercoaster, on the other hand, was more of a fantasy story, so NBC chose a musical element that made the Rockets’ journey to the title seem like a quest. Both choices fit the teams perfectly and showed how the power of sports is that it provides singular variations of familiar story arcs.

17. “Michael vs. Sir Charles”

Bulls at Suns 1993 Finals Game 1 Bob Costas

This one’s on the list because NBC used the Jurassic Park theme song before the movie even came out. That is a baller move. But NBC also uses it brilliantly to paint the contrast between the classic success of Michael Jordan and the bumpier, rawer success of Barkley. Jordan’s section is narrated over the slower part of the song, while Barkley’s comes over the louder section. This was another example of NBC’s attention to detail.

16. “Big City vs. Small Town”

Jazz at Bulls 1997 NBA Finals Game 1 Marv Albert

In general, the 12 NBC openings for the two six-game Bulls-Jazz Finals series are a tad overrated in my book because they got a little too sappy. (I’m sure many of y’all like the post-Flu Game one, but it kinda makes me cringe). The best of the bunch is the first one because it wonderfully paints the contrast between the dominant incumbents from Chicago and the small-town underdogs from Utah.

15. “Big ‘Mo”

Blazers at Lakers 1991 West Finals Game 6 Dick Enberg

The music choice makes this entire video work. I feel like I’m in a murder mystery. Holy crap, this is tense.

14. “A Test of Faith”

Suns at Bulls 1993 Finals Game 4 Bob Costas

Sometimes, the less said the better. Game 3 of the 1993 NBA Finals — a triple-overtime thriller won by the visiting Suns, who had dropped the first two games at home — was such a weird event that it needed to be commemorated on its own. Costas knew he couldn’t say anything to properly sum it up. Thus, Bon Jovi’s “Keep The Faith” serves as the perfect backdrop.

13. “Little Brother”

Cavaliers at Bulls 1992 East Finals Game 5 Marv Albert

I’m not sure anyone really believed the Cavaliers would beat the Bulls in this series, even if they had knotted it up at two. It had the same feel that 2016’s Raptors-Cavaliers series had, where everyone knew who was going to win. But it was still noteworthy that the Cavaliers actually fought with pride, not unlike a boy who finally stood up to his big brother. Albert’s narration properly captures that sentiment while still conveying the reality that the Bulls were favored.

12. “Best Team Ever”

Bulls at Sonics 1996 Finals Game 4 Bob Costas

The glorification of Jordan’s jerk-ish leadership tendencies makes me a bit uncomfortable, but Costas rescues this with some of the most poetic narration of his great career. Everything after “they tower over all present competition” is right up there with the best any TV network has ever produced. (Imagine this wording, but with Kevin Durant’s switch to Golden State instead of Jordan’s return from retirement).

11. “Game 7”

Jazz at Sonics 1996 West Finals Game 7 Greg Gumbel

Gumble is his usual excellent self, but the music and camera work make this introduction feel epic. I love the musical contrast, which makes the small-market Jazz seem like underdogs and the fast-charging Sonics feel like they belong in a horror movie. The dissolves and fades to separate the different segments of the video underscore how each point is related to each other. Matching Gary Payton’s loud clap to the drum beat is a brilliant touch. All in all, this video provided real stakes to a matchup between two teams that nobody thought could beat the mighty Bulls.

10. “Vindication”

Magic at Rockets 1995 Finals Game 4 Bob Costas

If the Game 3 intro to these Finals felt like being taken on a fantasy quest, this one is the epilogue when Frodo and friends return to the Shire. In time, this has become the perfect appreciation of the Rockets’ mini-dynasty.

9. “The Tormenter”

Bulls vs. Knicks 1996 East Semifinals Game 3 Marv Albert

“The concept may be team. In reality, it’s the individual.” Whether intentional or not, Albert perfectly encapsulates decades of NBA marketing with those 10 words. From there, he made me feel so sorry for Patrick Ewing. How much must it suck for the official broadcast partner to promote a game by repeatedly dunking on you?

8. “One Game”

Pacers at Bulls 1998 East Finals Game 7 Bob Costas

Costas’ delivery here is perfect. The slow pacing. The repetition of “one game.” The mix between short sentences and longer ones. The twist at the end: Jordan’s section ends with “one game” instead of beginning with it, a clear signal to the viewer that he is the biggest story here. The script itself isn’t magical, but Costas’ voice makes it so. Chills.

7. “Agony”

Bulls at Magic 1996 East Finals Game 3 Marv Albert

Knowing what we know now, this feels a lot bigger than a video setting up a must-win Game 3 after losing two road games. Because of Shaquille O’Neal’s summer departure to the Lakers, it has become known as the last chance for Orlando to sustain a future dynasty. But the video also stands beautifully on its own, with well-executed music changes and a beautiful still of Penny Hardaway peering to his left as if he’s staring at a black-and-white image of Brian Hill’s final huddle of the previous year’s NBA Finals.

6. “Neither Right, Nor Fair”

Bulls at Blazers 1992 Finals Game 4 Bob Costas

Imagine this voiceover, but instead of it being about Clyde Drexler in 1992, it’s about Dirk Nowitzki in 2011. Same 2-1 deficit. Same history of postseason failures obscuring their greatness. Similar age range — Nowitzki was 32 and in his 13th season at the time. Similar caliber of competition: Drexler against Jordan, Nowitzki against James and Wade, though the former hadn’t won a title. It would have given any human the feels, especially knowing Nowitzki would persevere when Drexler didn’t. This was an incredibly powerful, yet empathetic way to convey the overwhelming pressure title-less all-time greats face before they win one.

5. “David vs. Goliath”

76ers at Lakers 2001 Finals Game 1 Marv Albert

I don’t know what’s better: the original version of this intro from the 2001 Finals or this brilliant remake for the first Curry-James, Warriors-Cavs Finals battle in 2015. Both are terrific, but I’m still partial to the original. David vs. Goliath fits the Iverson-O’Neal battle better, and there are a number of NBC’s typically brilliant little touches dotted through the video. For example, notice how the camera zooms to Iverson’s “The Answer” sleeve just after Albert’s “Who can stop this imposing force?” narration ends. What perfect timing.

4. “Worst Nightmare”

Bulls vs. Knicks 1993 East Finals Game 5 Marv Albert

Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap, holy crap. I feel like I’m about to start an apocalyptic movie where a supernatural demon has been set loose to torment the world. Jordan feels like Godzilla here after scoring 54 points to lead Chicago to a Game 4 win. My heart is still racing as I type this, even though I’ve already seen that video a thousand times. When does Game 5 start?

3. “Coronation”

Bulls at Suns 1993 Finals Game 6 Bob Costas

The 1993 Finals were really effin weird. The Suns entered as profound underdogs with one edge: They had home-court advantage. When they squandered that edge with two home losses, they looked done, but defied logic with a triple-overtime Game 3 victory. When Jordan dropped 55 on them in Game 4, they also looked done, but defied logic again by winning Game 5 on the road easily. It was inexplicable, a feeling Costas expertly captured in his opening monologue. There’s no way God actually was pulling the strings for the Suns … right? What other explanation existed? It was the ideal backdrop to a Game 6 that lived up to the billing with John Paxson’s last-second three.

2. “Two Dreams Collide”

Rockets at Suns 1995 West Semifinals Game 7 Greg Gumbel

Remember when I said that NBC’s only Achilles heel was that their introduction videos occasionally dragged on for too long? This one clocks in at a crisp 41 seconds, with no wasted words, images, or music. We have a saying at SB Nation: Sometimes, it’s just best to Say The Thing instead of getting cute. Gumbel says the damn thing bluntly — one dream will “die,” Barkley’s legacy is “hanging in the balance,” “the banner does not hang for Clyde Drexler.” In 41 seconds, I know exactly how big a game this really is. This is a nearly perfect piece of art.

1. “Being Mike”

Bulls at Lakers 1991 Finals Game 4 Michael Jordan

Twenty-nine years later, this reads like a poignant social commentary on the nature of celebrity, which has gripped our culture in new and unexpected ways. That it came before the release of Sam Smith’s landmark The Jordan Rules, before the burden of Being Mike led to Jordan retiring in his prime, before two returns to the fast life of basketball that consumed him, and before an awkward post-playing process that flipped his ruthlessness from a virtue to an anchor, is extraordinary. How the hell did Costas take one playoff performance and somehow capture the allure and pain of being a national icon like Jordan? It’s one of the most impressive feats I’ve ever seen.

[weirdbynorthwest]

Notes on Northern Exposure, S01E02: “Brains, Know-How and Native Intelligence”

We begin the episode with Chris Stevens delivering his first ever “Chris in the Morning” address on the show, in Cicely’s local radio station, KBHR, or “K-Bear”. Why “K-Bear”? Well, firstly, it’s customary for radio stations to be given easily pronounceable names inspired by their initials, for the sake of marketing. But there’s an additional fun fact regarding this particular station’s origins: both KBHR and its nick-name belong to a real-life local radio station in Big Bear City, California. Surrounded by the Alaskan wilderness, Cicely undoubtedly has more than its fair share of bears, so the nickname remains appropriate.

The subject of Chris’s speech, and a significant chunk of the episode, is the 19th century poet Walt Whitman, an American literary giant and one of Chris’s leading artistic inspirations. But not everyone approves of Whitman. Chris recalls being “blindsided by the raging fist of [his] incarcerator,” at the juvenile detention home where he spent his juvenile delinquent days. This stern authority figure told Chris, in no uncertain terms, “that Walt Whitman's homoerotic, unnatural, pornographic sentiments were unacceptable and would not be allowed in an institution dedicated to reforming the ill-formed.” Whitman’s sexuality has been the subject of endless debate, but it’s generally accepted that he was either homo- or bisexual. That Whitman, “that great bear of a man, enjoyed the pleasures of other men came as a great surprise” to Chris, leading him to “reconsider the queers [he] had previously kicked around.” Yes, Chris wasn’t always the open-minded liberal we otherwise see him as. He was, in his youth, capable of homophobic violence. This makes me, a confirmed homosexual (or “homo-romantic grey-sexual,” if we’re being particular), rather sad. It also makes me more inclined to be wary and critical of Chris in this episode.

Chris reads Whitman’s “When Lilacs in the Dooryard Bloom’d” (1865), a poem written following the end of the American Civil War (1861-1865), during a period of national mourning over the then recent assassination of former president Abraham Lincoln. The poem doesn’t explicitly identify Lincoln, but it’s generally thought that that’s who the poem was about. However, the final line of the first stanza – “And thought of him I love” – may have been presented in this scene in order to underline the topic of Whitman’s sexuality. For Whitman’s clearest expression of homosexual love in verse, one should really examine the “Calamus” sequence of poems written in or before 1859, included in the third edition of Leaves of Grass, originally published in 1855. (I nearly read some to an ex-boyfriend on his birthday once. I regret not doing that. But they were aware of the thought, and I got a lot of love for it, so it balanced out.)

We catch a glimpse of Maurice fishing whilst listening to Chris’s show. He clearly isn’t impressed by all this talk of Whitman enjoying “the pleasures of other men.” Maurice was established as being, at the very least, a sexist and racist bigot in the previous episode, so any homophobia on his part wouldn’t come as a surprise. This still doesn’t prepare the viewer for what Maurice will do next.

Meanwhile, in this week’s instalment of “Will They? Won’t They?’ Joel and Maggie are in the Brick, having a go at each other over plumbing. This argument at least feels as if it springs from a natural cause, compared to last week’s glaringly-contrived-in-order-to-establish-the-formula bickering. Joel is talking to Maggie as his landlord, about a faulty toilet. Maggie teases Joel over his lack of self-reliance: why not try fixing it himself, or go out and fertilise the scenery? She winds up calling him a “helplessness junkie”, an odd turn of phrase he’ll spend half the episode grumbling about and later delight in throwing back at her, when she visits him in his surgery over a self-inflicted knee injury.

Joel’s chauvinism is out in full force again, as he offers to treat any puncture wounds Rick may have received from Maggie walking all over him in her heels. Yecch. And then he comes on to her in a way that fictional characters in a “Will They? Won’t They?” comedy set-up routinely get away with, when he says “you’re clearly attracted to me.” Of course, the show will routinely remind us she is. But in real life, if you said something like that to someone, it would be widely and rightly considered inappropriate. Unlike the utterly irredeemable and thoroughly loathsome Ross Geller in Friends (NBC, 1994-2004), Joel is a genuinely likeable character under all the sexist asshattery the writers insist upon having him say. I hope the situation improves, and soon.

Joel remarks that he’s “not the Grizzly Adams type.” This is a reference to John “Grizzly” Adams, a nineteenth-century mountain man who hunted and trained wild animals (including, you guessed it, “grizzly” bears) for use in zoos, menageries and circuses, from New England to California. An outdoorsman and a showman (he partnered up at one point with another American icon, that jack-of-all-trades P.T. Barnum), “Grizzly” Adams became, in the popular cultural consciousness, an iteration of an American frontiersman archetype, akin to Davy Crockett. Joel does not resemble that archetype at all – but Brick proprietor Holling Vincoeur, according to Joel, does. We’ll see how that comparison bears out in the episodes and seasons to come.

Meanwhile, over at K-Bear, the “raging fist” of Maurice Minnifield comes raining down on Chris Stevens like the fist of that faceless authoritarian in Chris’s juvenile detention home. I find the violence Maurice inflicts on Chris in this episode jarring. We later learn from Joel that Maurice threw Chris through a plate-glass window. We see bruises and band-aids on Chris’s face, and his arm in a plaster cast. We learn, towards the end of the episode, that Chris snuck in a decent left-hook – but that still, to my mind, doesn’t make up for what might be one of the single most unpleasant things Maurice has done on the show.

And while we’re on the subject of violence, what about Ed’s response to Joel describing his current spat with Maggie? He asks “Did you hit her?” Where did that come from? A more uncharacteristic thing for Ed to say – even just two episodes into the show – is hard to imagine. Is it meant to suggest that Ed grew up in an environment where domestic violence was the norm? Or that Cicely’s foremost cinephile learnt everything he knows about human interaction from the movies? I don’t know. I just know that it’s a weird, discomfiting line.

Ed introduces the episode’s secondary plot, which is about Ed’s uncle Anku (Frank Sotonoma “Grey Wolf” Salsedo). Ed tells Joel that his uncle is a “witch doctor,” which briefly leads them into a variation on the famous “Who’s on First?” comedy routine.

Ed’s uncle is seriously unwell – as in, there’s blood in his urine. And blood in your urine is nothing to be sniffed at. 11 years ago I had a urinary tract infection thanks to the onset of type-one diabetes. The pain was unreal. Imagine passing red hot needles instead of water. TMI? Ah, DMY. My point is, it’s not something you can comfortably ignore. And as a doctor, Joel knows it’s not something you can afford to ignore. And so, at Ed’s behest, Joel spends a significant chunk of the episode befriending Anku and trying his best to persuade him to seek medical attention. But, unbeknownst to Anku’s family, Anku has already sought medical attention and learnt that he has prostate cancer. He just needs Joel to pressure him into swallowing his pride as a medicine man before seeking further treatment.

Joel will, in dealing with Anku, realise in an on-screen “eureka!” of an epiphany that pride is the theme binding all the episode’s narrative threads together. Anku’s pride, his own pride, Maggie’s pride, Maurice’s pride, are all wrapped up in a neat little package. Is it too neat, too tidy? Maybe, but I like it. It’s a reassuring sign that Joel’s character won’t remain static, that he’ll gain new insight into the town and its characters, learn new things and continue to develop over the course of the series.

“Keeping it in the family”: Mrs. Anku is played by Armenia Miles, the mother of Elaine Miles, who plays Joel’s secretary, Marilyn Whirlwind. In future episodes, she’ll play Marilyn’s mother.

Anku asks Joel if he’s ever seen the film Little Big Man (dir. Arthur Penn, 1970), in which Dustin Hoffman plays a man who, as a white child, was rescued and raised by a Cheyenne tribe. Is Anku drawing a connection between the Jewish actor and Jewish doctor, to whom he imparts some of his own “native intelligence”?

Joel, after explaining that he can’t keep chasing after Anku, pleads with Ed not to “do this northern brooding thing, I can’t stand Bergman films.” Is Joel intentionally using sophisticated cinema references he knows Ed will get? Because if so, that’s kinda cute. Couple that with Ed watching Joel as he sleeps, and I wonder if anyone, anywhere, at any time, has thought to ship these two characters?

As Maurice takes full control of radio K-Bear we learn he’s a huge fan of musical theatre, something that’s often been depicted as a stereotypical trait of gay men (less so these days, but very much so in the nineties). Is the episode replaying the old, unhelpful cliché that “all homophobes are repressed homosexuals”? I don’t think so. It certainly doesn’t underline or lean into that idea. As much as Maurice’s showtunes are driving the residents of Cicely crazy, he’s never mocked for the fact that he enjoys showtunes.

At a town meeting, angry Cicelians call for the reinstatement of Chris Stevens as radio presenter. Maurice isn’t having it. “One of our own, Chris Stevens, made a mistake,” he “did a bad thing” and “he had to pay for it.” What was that mistake? We get an answer, of sorts, when Maurice returns to the airwaves the next day and attempts to explain his recent behaviour. It’s a speech that causes the entire town to stop in its tracks, suggesting we should stop in our tracks too and take what Maurice is saying seriously.

Maurice recalls his devastation upon discovering, as a child, that his hero John Wayne didn’t do his own stunts. The gist of it is, Maurice doesn’t want his heroes to be humanized, to have their weaknesses exposed. “Sure, we’re all human,” but do we have to be reminded that our heroes are human too? Maurice is an advocate of the “Great Man” theory of history, the idea that the greatest achievements in human history were brought about by great men (and with his ego, he no doubt fancies himself one). Maurice wants his heroes to remain on their marble pedestals as untainted paragons of manly virtue. “We need our heroes. We need men we can look up to. Believe in. Men who walk tall.” Of course it doesn’t occur to Maurice, just as it doesn’t occur to most advocates of the “Great Man” conception of history, that those heroes could include women or minorities.

Maurice considers Walt Whitman a hero. Though “Walt Whitman was a pervert,” in Maurice’s bigoted view, “he was the best poet that America ever produced.” Maurice concedes that Whitman was, most likely, a homosexual. He’d just rather not know or be reminded of that. Because Maurice is a homophobic bigot who believes that homosexuality is a weakness, a character flaw that should be hidden from view, never to be acknowledged. But just because Maurice believes that “there are damn few of us who deserve to be called heroes” and that, despite his own bigotry, Whitman deserves the title of hero, doesn’t make Maurice less wrong or less of a bigot.

And yet, as the speech prompts Chris to go and apologise to Maurice, the episode seems to come down firmly on Maurice’s side of the argument. Not that there’s actually been an argument. No one in town has attempted to argue the opposite of Maurice’s position – that a knowledge of Whitman’s probable homosexuality does nothing to diminish him or his work. The implicit and unfortunate assumption in this episode is that it does diminish Whitman. That’s why we have Chris apologising to Maurice, saying that he also doesn’t want people reading Walt Whitman for “the wrong reasons.” What reasons are those, Chris? The only reason suggested in the episode comes from Ruth-Anne, when she tells Joel that all the Whitman has been taken out of the library as there’s “nothing like an interesting sex-life to get people reading.”

So, is Chris suggesting that he doesn’t want people reading Whitman because of his sexuality? Why not? Whitman’s “Calamus” poems meant a lot to me when I was younger, and I would never have discovered them had I not heard about Whitman’s sexuality and the poems’ reputation. I see in them a beautiful expression of the romantic feelings I then had for my ex-boyfriend, and I can’t read them now without getting misty-eyed. Like a lot of great poetry, the poems powerfully describe feelings of romantic/erotic longing, the distinction being that they clearly describe feelings of romantic/erotic longing between men. It isn’t “subtext.” You don’t have to “read between the lines.” It’s there, in the words on the page. Whitman’s sexuality informs his writing, even if his writing isn’t explicitly sexual.

Unfortunately, in the nineties there persisted this idea that homosexuality was something to be guarded against, lest it corrupt our children or our own imaginations when engaged in the intellectual enjoyment of nineteenth-century verse. Depending on where you are in the world, it’s an attitude that still persists or even prevails. And this episode of Northern Exposure appears to embody it.

For me, Whitman’s “Calamus” poems are a powerful reminder of a time in my life when I was young and happy and in love. But Chris appears to be suggesting that I’m reading Whitman wrong. Well… Fuck you Chris. There’s nothing wrong with highlighting the fact that Walt Whitman was likely gay or bi, or that a significant number of his poems appear to have been informed by his own homoerotic desire. It can do a lot of people – gay or bisexual people, for example – a lot of good to know that people who felt the way they do existed in the 19th century, and that they wrote beautiful verse you could share with a loved one.

It should be clear by now that, unlike Maurice, I don’t believe it’s a mistake to humanize our heroes. Knowing Mark Twain loves cats humanizes him. In no way does it diminish my love of Mark Twain (but then I’m a cat person, so I’m biased). Other than the very worst literary critics, who really wants to see the likes of Twain and Whitman reduced to cold, lifeless marble statues in the Pantheon of the American Literary Canon? It does us no harm, either, to learn the personal and political beliefs of our heroes, especially if we don’t want people thinking we share certain of those beliefs. Hero worship is problematic in general, but it’s impossible for us not to admire people, to have our own personal heroes. But as we grow and change over the course of our lives, we shouldn’t be afraid to update that list.

In the course of its run, Northern Exposure introduced a gay male couple; confirmed that its founders, Cicely and Roslyn, were a lesbian couple; and was the second US TV show to feature a gay wedding (the first being Roc [Fox, 1994-1994]). Northern Exposure was not only on the right side of history, it was consistently ahead of its time. If I’ve been especially hard on this episode, it’s because I know how far it falls short of the show’s future accomplishments.

[lpagkyu-blog]

Icons, Inspiration Vs. Plagiarism, Platform Fighters, and Character Archetypes

Right, so before I say anything, I want to establish that this is just my opinion, and I’m not associated with Wavedash Games. I haven’t played Icons yet, so most of what I say is all based on gameplay footage and what the developers have said.

Also, this is super unorganized and I’m not proofreading it because I’m lazy.

Icons, Inspiration Vs. Plagiarism, Platform Fighters, and Character Archetypes

With the recent gameplay trailer for Wavedash Games’ first game, Icons: Combat Arena, many players have been skeptical of the games’ quality and design. The most common complaint outside of its early graphics and somewhat stiff animation seems to be that the game seems like a copy of Super Smash Bros. Melee.

Now, it’s no secret that Melee was the direct inspiration for Icons, with core mechanics of the gameplay being taken directly from both Melee and the Smash Bros. series as a whole, as well as many of the games’ developers being well known within the Melee community. Hell, they even named their development studio after a technique in Melee, the wavedash. Many great artists, writers, and even game developers can agree that seeking inspiration from a well made source is not only acceptable, but advised, but at what point does inspiration or parody become “copying”, and at what point are you simply remaking the original source material?

In its current state, Icons is both a perfect example of how to do this well, and how to do it poorly. For example, let’s take a look at the character Kidd. I think Kidd is a great example of how to do this sort of thing right. He’s inspired by the “Spacie” characters from Melee, Fox and Falco. His design is a perfect representation of this, as not only does it make references to the game it’s drawing inspiration from, but it references the community surrounding the game.

In Melee, Fox and Falco are often referred to by the community as “Space Animals, or spacies. This archetype, on top of simply pointing out the fact that they’re animals in space, implies that a character has a fast fall speed, linear recovery, and generally strong pressure. The biggest staple of this archetype is the shine, one of the most versatile moves in any platform fighter due to its utility in combos and edge guarding, its compatibility with tech such as wavedashing and jump cancelled grabs, and of course, its frame 1 hitbox. Within the Melee community, one top player known as Joseph “Mango” Marquez, uses both spacies, and is considered a fan favorite among many viewers due to his aggressive playstyle and American pride. He’s often known as “The Kid” or “The GOAT” (Greatest Of All Time).

With their background in Melee, it was only natural for Wavedash to include a Spacie-esque character, seeing as they’re some of the most iconic characters in Melee. So, they created a space animal. But not just any space animal; a goat, named Kidd. Not only is his name a reference to the animal he’s based on, but it’s a reference to the GOAT, the Kid, Mango. Kidd’s character concept is a love letter to the Melee community, and his moveset still reflects this, having similar moves to Fox and Falco. He even has his own shine, although presumably not as strong as spacies’ shine in Melee.

Of course, as I mentioned earlier, Icons has examples on how to do this wrong. Let’s take a quick look at the character Empress Zhurong. From looking at her design, she seems to be some kind of warrior with an aztec motif, but she seems to be using a fairly traditional double edged sword, which isn’t too characteristic of aztec weaponry. Looking at her cape, crown/headdress, and elegantly crafted sword, it’s pretty clear that she’s royalty as well. However, despite this unique design, the character her moveset is based on is Marth.

Based on her gameplay, she doesn’t just draw example from Marth, Zhurong is Marth. All of the moves we’ve seen of hers have been almost a direct copy of Marth’s. Although it would be nice to see some variation, this moveset doesn’t even fit with her design. In fact, her archetype of “sword user” doesn’t even fit in her design. The closest thing the Aztecs had to swords were one edged machetes, with their common weapons being macuahuitl or spears. They took a character design that could’ve brought a unique playstyle and moveset, and slapped Marth over it, despite it not fitting with the character’s design.

With all that said, i think Icons brings up an interesting concept: The idea of character archetypes in platform fighters. However, before we hop back into more platform fighters, let’s take a look at some traditional fighting game archetypes, specifically the “shotokon”

In the Street Fighter series, there are several characters use the shotokon fighting style, which has garnered them the nickname “shotos”. These characters include, Ryu, Ken, Akuma, Dan, Sakura, and quite a few more, with each character having similar movesets with variations on each move. The shoto archetype is defined by nothing more than a few special moves- the hadouken, a fireball projectile that travels straight across the screen, the shoryuken, an uppercut that can be used as both an anti-air defensive move or an offensive reversal move, and the tatsumaki senpukyaku, or hurricane kick, which is primarily used for some aerial approaches or as a combo tool. They also tend to have combos that vary greatly in difficulty, and average health.

After the success of Street Fighter II, many fighting games began featuring shoto characters in their roster. In fact, most fighting games have a shoto character, be it King of Fighters’ Ryo or Guilty Gear’s Sol Badguy. While Ryo is almost a direct “copy” of Ryu (at least in terms of special moves), his name even poking fun at this, Sol’s moves are all variations of the shoto staples. For example, Sol has a fireball, but it travels across the ground. He has an uppercut, but it uses his sword. He has a kick move that can be used for an approach or as a combo tool, but it doesn’t really involve any spinning, and has more utility for movement thanks to Guilty Gear’s Roman Cancelling mechanic. In fact, all of these moves, which on the surface seem incredibly similar to a classic shoto moveset, have different uses on top of their original intentions thanks to the game’s mechanics. Most people don’t even think Sol feels much like a shoto for this reason.

There’s two big reasons that this archetype works in fighting games. The first being that the design is perfect for a 2D fighter. Starting with the hadouken/fireball, a whole new level of depth is added to the game. Combat can now take place from anywhere on screen, you can try to make your opponent approach or hold their ground with their own fireballs (this was experimented on later with the introduction of EX specials, which for the hadouken, allowed you to spend some of your super meter to throw a fireball with more durability, which would beat out a non-EX fireball). Punishing a fireball required the player throwing a fireball to do so too close to the opponent, while still requiring the opponent to read this error, since it was still too fast to react. If the opponent doesn’t punish and gets hit, then he’s pushed back a bit, forcing them to inch their way closer. This makes the use of a fireball at close range a high risk, high reward strategy, while it remains safe at a long range. The shoryuken compliments this, but allowing a player to punish an opponent jumping towards them, meaning they not only have a normal defensive option, but a way to punish a slow attempt at a fireball punish. The shoryuken’s invincibility and early hitbox also allows it to be used as a strong reversal, but inputting the shoryuken requires you to stop blocking, which rewards faster/better execution while adding more risk to such a strong option. The hurricane kick allows for you to cross up an opponent from an aerial approach, which is a great tool to have for approaching and exerting pressure. At the same time, this move is easily beaten by a shoryuken or anti-air option.

The other reason this design works is because it’s easy to learn and familiar. If you’re new to fighting games, a shoto character has all the tools you need to learn. They teach you the projectile game, the defensive game, and introduce you to things like cross-ups. If you’re a fighting game player trying to learn a new game, you’ll have a familiar character to learn the game with. Taking a look back at Sol, he has similar moves to Ryu, with the same concepts and inputs, but tapping into these moves’ potential requires you to learn the games’ unique mechanics. This allows a player to learn these mechanics with a familiar moveset, while being rewarded for expanding their game knowledge and utilizing tools like Roman Cancelling

Now, with all that out of the way, let’s get back to platform fighters. There’s an inherent problem with platform fighters and archetypes, which is that they don’t really have archetypes. Based on platform fighters made from developers with a background in the competitive smash scene, like Rivals of Aether and Icons, it would seem many people consider the spacies to be the closest thing to an archetype, taking a role similar to the shoto. But should this really be the genre’s shoto archetype?

Looking at the spacies in Melee, which is considered one of the most iconic platform fighter archetypes, they play very differently. Fox is one of the fastest characters in the game, while Falco is fairly slow. Fox’s laser has no hitstun but comes out faster, allowing him to use his speed and avoid his opponent while tacking on damage. Falco’s lasers have low damage and are slower, but have hitstun, which compliments his slower speed by locking down his opponents and giving him control over neutral. Fox’s punish game revolves around getting short combos and laser damage until the opponent is at a high enough percent to up smash, while Falco’s punish game focuses on much longer combos that can lead to death off the bottom from down air. All of their moveset shares the same animations, but every move has different properties, to the point where each character has a different playstyle. Even their shines, which are considered staples of their characters, are completely different in terms out utility outside of pressure and reversals.

So, the only things that really defines the “spacie” archetype are that they should be fast fallers, they should have a linear recovery, they have a shine, they have a projectile, and a linear recovery. Looking again at Fox and Falco, where this archetype comes from, they lack any strong disjoint (compared to characters with swords, at least), and much of their punish game only revolves around one move. They’re also fairly easy to combo due to their fall speed, which allows them to get chain grabbed, meaning that making a mistake can result in the loss of a stock under the right conditions. In some matchups, they can even be considered glass canon characters.

Although I gave Icons’ character Kidd praise earlier for his concept being inspired by the Melee community, I don’t think he’s a perfect “inspired” character for this reason. He was advertised as the spacie of the game, with the devs saying that “Melee players would feel right at home with him”. With how they talk about him, he seems similar to a shoto in another fighting game. The problem is that he’s not a Sol, he’s a Ryo.

Icons was made to be very similar to Melee. So much so that they don’t really introduce any new mechanics. While this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it makes Kidd’s moveset feel kind of… useless. While many of his moves aren’t exactly Fox or Falco’s, his purpose of helping Melee players grow accustomed to Icons is somewhat pointless. What is there to grow accustomed to when Melee players would already be familiar with the system?

By making Kidd with this intention, they also have a lot of missed opportunity with the character. Again, outside of variations on his special moves, he’s almost an exact copy of Fox. There was no reason to do this if it wasn’t going to introduce players to new mechanics, especially when they hurt the character’s design in doing so. As of right now, Kidd’s up smash is pretty much exactly the same as Fox’s, which doesn’t make sense for a Goat to do, especially considering the fact that his legs would make it hard for him to do a backflip like that. Instead, they could have done something like having him ram his horns upward, and it would’ve fit the character’s design much better.

The same goes for Zhurong. Her inclusion is pointless, as not only does she not introduce any new mechanics to the game or the genre, not only does her design not make sense with her moveset, but she doesn’t serve the purpose of having a direct clone of another character, as there’s not much to “get accustomed to” for Melee players in Icons.

Of course, that’s not to say a character archetype can’t be used without the intention to teach new players. Characters like Zetterburn in Rivals of Aether or Wolf in Project M don’t really serve the purpose of being familiar or teaching new mechanics, as there’s not much to teach in rivals aside from parrying, and Project M already has Fox and Falco. Instead, these characters act as a variant to the spacie archetype, with both characters having a different projectile, shine, and recovery. On top of that, their aerials, tilts, smashes, etc… are all completely different from Fox and Falco. The problem is that Kidd and Zhurong (Zhurong especially) don’t bring anything new to the table.

As of right now, competitive platform fighters are still a mostly new genre. With large companies showing little to no interest in developing anything like them for competitive play, it’ll likely be a while before they get their own obvious archetypes outside of the Melee top tiers, especially considering the fact that the current character archetypes are still unexplored. If Icons does well, it’d be nice to see some new characters that could possibly be the first step in establishing new archetypes for the genre.

[atlaswriting]

“Not to ruin this Hallmark moment, but there are videos on Abram’s phone that I need to see.” Ellie sneaks her hand between the driver and passenger seat and grabs Abram’s phone, “Unlike Elise, I’m not mad at you for leaving last night—during what could have been me hitting rock bottom—,”

Ellie rolls her eyes and continues, “—what I am mad at you for is not taking me with you,” she says swiping through all the videos he didn’t post on Instagram, “Look at this!” She holds the phone out toward me then turns it back to face her, “Can you believe Abram went here without us? And with a guy he hates.”

“I don’t hate Brantley.”

“His blood on the ice sure says differently.” I snap, unable to shake the clutching fingers of him leaving from my throat. They’re sharp and smooth as they dig into my skin. I roll my shoulders and slide the key out of the ignition, “I’m going upstairs. I need to shower and get ready for class. I’ve already missed two and if I make it a third Simon will start making me pay that on my own, too.”

I get out of the car and slam the door, forcing Abram to get out on Ellie’s side. He rounds the car while she heads toward the front door, eyes still glued to his phone. “I’m sorry,” he says, wrapping his arms around me. He pulls me back toward the car, turns around and pins me against the metal. “Can I show you how sorry I am?” Leaning down he presses his lips under my jaw, teeth dragging down skin and landing on my collarbone. His hands find the hem of my skirt and start inching further up.

“We’re in public.” I say, pushing him and his limbs away.

“And?”

He moves closer once more but for the first time I’m quicker and I slide across the car, away from him. “And you’re covered in glitter and smell like cheap perfume. I’d rather kiss Natasha.”

Abram stops walking, hand falling to the stop of his stomach, “I’ve thrown up three times already, Elise and if you don’t want to make it a fourth all over your Jimmy Choo’s I wouldn’t put such disgusting images in my head.”

Reaching out I grab his hand, pulling him close and pressing a kiss to his cheek, “These are Valentino. But nice try.”

♡ ♡ ♡

“Now, I’m not saying that Jane Austen is the most boring and trite of female author’s—but I am saying if I have to sit through another retelling of Pride and Prejudice I might actually tear out all my hair.” Professor Keating laughs.

I snort loudly, only realizing how disruptive it was when Ellie tears her eyes away from her phone to stare at me.

“Is something funny, Miss Allaire?” Keating quirks his brown, leaning on his lectern and staring straight at me.

“I just think its funny how—,” beside me Abram inhales sharply, “coming from a professor who praises Fitzgerald and Salinger non-stop a writer like Jane intimidates you. The stories are good, that’s why they keep getting retold. Pride and Prejudice is a quintessential love story—,”

“They hated each other. Was Mr. Darcy not—by today’s standards—a misogynistic pig? And wouldn’t Elizabeth be considered—,”

“A feminist bitch?”

The slightest bit of smile turns the corner of Professor Keating’s lips upwards.

“All I’m saying is—it was already done. Why do we need to tell the same story over and over again?”

I lean back in my chair, face turning red hot under his strong gaze, “What about Shakespeare, Professor? I suppose you don’t think those stories need to stop being done?”

“Actually,” he says, “Shakespeare is the foundation of all modern storytelling. His—,”

“His?”

“Did I misuse his pronouns, Miss Allaire?”

Shrugging, I tap the tip of my pen against the keys of my laptop, “You’re assuming Shakespeare was a man.”

He laughs now moving away from the podium to stand at the board, “Why should I believe anything different?”

“Do you really think a man could write all those iconic stories, Professor? Romeo and Juliet was clearly written by a woman who was done with all of men’s shit.”

He’s in full blown laughter now. Pulling his glasses from his face he wipes at his eyes as he concedes and dismisses the class. “Miss Allaire—a moment, please?”

“I hope I didn’t come off too strongly, Mr. Keating—I just—,”

“It’s Oscar, remember? And, I like that you came off strongly. You’re passionate. Sometimes I say things to see who’s really listening—don’t get me wrong, I do think they’ve made one too many Pride and Prejudice variations, but Austen is one of the founding mothers of literature—I don’t want you to think I’m undermining all her hard work,” he shrugs, “I just like to push boundaries.” Sensing my confusion he moves toward his briefcase and pulls out a pamphlet, “I sponsor one student a year. I haven’t in a few years because most people see this class as an easy grade—but I think you match all the qualities I’m looking for.”

“Profes—Oscar, I—,”

“It isn’t much. I’ll write a few good letters, help you get into graduate school—whatever school that may be, but consider it. There are a few conventions we go to—England, Boston and New York and it’s filled with like-minded individuals all of whom are willing and able to connect you with any path you choose.”

“So it’s like a fraternity.”

He shrugs, “Even more exclusive.”

♡ ♡ ♡

Abram sits on the couch, face weighted down in a pout and cradling a bottle of beer to his chest which he’s refused to drink from since I told him about Professor Keating’s offer. Ellie is on the floor, expletives slipping smooth past her lips into the microphone of the headset she wears around her neck as she kills her fourth nine year old on Call of Duty.

“Will you say something?”

He doesn’t. Not until after her sixth or seventh kill and then he lifts the bottle to his mouth and drinks until beer starts to dribble out of the corners. “Are you banging him too?”

“Abram!” Ellie shouts, unwilling to tear her eyes away from the game, instead choose to release the control for the second it takes to chuck one of the pillows holding up her back toward him. “Oh great, your dramatic ass just got me killed. I hope you’re happy.” She gets up and returns the controller to the entertainment center and turns around, “Why are you acting like a child about this? It’s Elise. She couldn’t bang anyone other than you if she tried.”

“Excuse me,” I say, “I am right here.”

“You’re beautiful and I love you—but that vagina only works for Abram.”

“If I wanted to have sex with someone else, I very well could!” I stand as I shout, mouth falling open.

Abram rolls his eyes, cuts through his and tosses his empty bottle in the bin. He opens the fridge to retrieve another and turns back, “Then have sex with him, Elise!” Abram shouts—eyes darkening as they stare at me from across the room. His cheeks are past red as he gulps down more beer. “Why don’t all of you have a threesome? See if I care.”

“You’re absolutely infuriating, Abram.” I say, “I don’t want to have sex with anyone else—much less with Oscar.”

Oscar Abram childishly mouths when he gives the bottle a moment’s break.

“He’s helping me with a possible future. Networking with him could lend a hand with my career.”

“And what career is that, Elise? Trophy wife? Or maybe you’ll right think pieces for a mommy blog.”

“Abram.” Ellie warns, but I raise a hand and cut her off.

“It’s better than your future of AA meetings and living in your grandmother’s basement.” I snap.

“Elise!”

I’m slipping on my shoes by the time she says my name, careless that the nightgown I’m wearing won’t keep out the early November chill that Los Angeles nights offer. I grab my bag and keys from the counter, trying to keep my attention straight as I slam the front door behind me.

♡ ♡ ♡

I.

Abram spends three hours apologizing to me the next day. While Ellie slips out to spend time with “Oscar”, Abram and I make use of the empty house. The shower. The kitchen counter. The table. The couch. Our bed. Ellie’s bed.

He tells me he loves me with his fingers trailing up my spine, presses his lips to my back and promises that it’s forever.

He tells me he loves me again with his hands separating my legs, his tongue spelling each letter against my thigh.

II.

Nothing is off limits.

We go to church with Ellie who wakes us up at eight thirty at night. I tell her it’s too late, we can go in the morning—but she begs us not to let her go alone. It’s too heavy, she says, she might break.

I’m half asleep and fully aware that the burning of my skin is due to sin. Excitement bites at my eyelids and I try to keep them open—focus on the pew beneath me while Ellie confesses her sins in the booth a few feet away.

Abram leans over and asks if I want to confess mine. I want to tell him no, but the heaviness of the word weighs down my tongue and his blue eyes tell me he’s worth burning over.

We watch Ellie exit the confessional, followed by the priest. Abram pulls me in to the small booth and on top of him. He promises that if we’re going to hell, we’ll be there together.

Like Eve, I bit the apple and it was sweet—but he was sweeter.

Abram leaves my panties on the bench of the confessional, our penance to God, he says.

III.

My legs are shaking, the fogged up windows of my car tell the story to everybody that walks by. The walk of shame is almost more shameful when I see my dad and Anais waiting by the front door.

IV.

“Why are you in the library? It’s a Saturday?” Ellie asks.

“Why are you?”

“Don’t deflect.”

I sigh, shuffling around the books—I’m somewhere in the back with all the encyclopedia’s. “I need a break Ellie. I think he might kill me.” My admission doesn’t faze her, when she rolls her eyes I continue, “I’m dehydrated. I keep drinking water—but it isn’t helping. Me and my vagina aren’t going to make it out of this alive.”

Ellie snorts, “Are you complaining about all the sex you’re having? I’m sorry but cry me a river!” Her voice gets increasingly louder, “I haven’t had sex in two weeks! I’m about as dry as the Sahara Desert. So I’m so sorry if I don’t want hear you complain about getting banged ten days to Tuesday!”

A quiet shhh comes through the bookshelves.

“I think I’m about to lose my mind.” Ellie says, “I might just go and hop on any dick that’s willing if B—,”

“I found you.” Abram drops his bags by his feet. “You left so early this morning we didn’t get to—,”

Ellie nods, “this is my cue to leave. Have fun. Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

Abram looks at me, licks his lips and it’s all over.

♡ ♡ ♡

Returning home to the apartment a gold envelope deters Abram’s attempts to start anything before Ellie gets home. “No!” I say, before he can put it down I snatch it from him and start to open it, “it looks important.”

I’m grateful when I read the eloquently scripted letters to Gigi’s Thanksgiving. The thick cardstock with gold and browns is just the excuse I need to suppress Abram’s appetite. The excitement of being within feet of our family blooms in my chest.

“I can’t wait until we get to Gigi’s.” He says against my ear, “We can see how long you can be quiet for. Which—we both know isn’t very long.”

Ellie opens the door just then and I rush by her side, “Look!” I say, “We’re going to Gigi’s for Thankgiving.”

“Oh, no—I think I’m going back to Boston.”

“No.” I grab her arm, fingers tightening into her vice, “You’re going to Gigi’s. Maybe you can see if your dad and brother want to come. I don’t think Gigi will mind, right Abram?”