#(Even if I would prefer dynamic detail changes as a result.)

[ddarker-dreams]

lock's otome game recs

i received some asks indicating an interest in a compilation of my favorite otome games, so i decided to go for it!! i've played about fourteen otome games, but of those fourteen, only these six left a lasting impression on me. there are still some that i intend to check out, so the rankings may update in the future. i'll give a very general overview of each game and how i'd score the categories that i find the most important in an otome game — the heroine, story, art, enjoyability, along with the characters i liked the most.

number 6 - piofiore fated memories.

heroine: 6/10 story: 6.5/10 characters: 7/10 art: 10/10 enjoyability: 8/10 favorite characters: dante (ishikawa kaito), nicola (kimura ryouhei) and yang (okamoto nobuhiko)

this game centers around the heroine, with the default name liliana adornato, who finds herself entangled in the politics of the region's three most prominent crime organizations. the game has an italian backdrop and iirc, takes place in the 1930s.

the overarching narrative, while it has its fair share of intrigue, isn't the game's strongest point. it's the interactions with the characters themselves that made the game feel worthwhile. each love interest has more to them than what meets the eye, so it's satisfying to watch the relationship between them and the heroine develop.

the heroine takes a passive role throughout much of the game, events sorta just happen to her. still, she has a kind disposition that makes her likable and doesn't make stupid decisions that has you wanting to fling your console across the room. her characterization changes slightly depending on the route. for instance, without getting into spoilers, she's more assertive throughout yang's route. the resulting dynamic made yang's route the most memorable, even if he's my third favorite character from the bunch.

what feels unique to this game is the effort put into the bad endings. in most visual novels, bad endings can feel like gimmicks. you make one or two wrong decisions and you're rewarded with a few paragraphs. the downward spiral of the characters in the bad endings are decently fleshed out and you can see how they arrived at this 'worst' version of themselves. they're suitably dark and it shouldn't come as a surprise that i enjoyed them because of that 😭

then there's the art. it's stunning, the details in each CG are mindboggling. the heroine gets to wear a variety of pretty outfits which is something i like to see. even in the story's weaker moments, a stunning CG would pop up that had me forgiving everything. i still glance through the gallery to this day.

number five - cupid parasite.

heroine: 9.5/10 story: 7/10 characters: 7/10 art: 9/10 enjoyability: 9/10 favorite characters: ryuki keisaiin (junya enoki) & gill lovecraft (kimura ryouhei)

iconic. showstopping. a little bit camp.

cupid parasite stars one of my favorite heroines, lynette. she works as a bridal advisor whose ambition is to ensure everyone finds their soulmate. in actuality, she's the goddess cupid, who left her post in celestia to better understand humanity and create lasting pairs. she's a delight to play as.

this game's presentation and overall aesthetic is the most distinct from any otome game i've played. aside from the presentation, the story itself is unlike any of the others on this list. when it comes to romance, i typically prefer them to be dark and mature. this game opts for a more lighthearted approach. it vacillates between being a romcom and dipping into the absurdist genre. there were times i was literally left speechless (glances at gill's route)... but it makes for an entertaining experience. the game's plenty funny as well.

personally, i enjoyed the more grounded moments when the mythological elements remained in the background. because of this, the true ending doesn't do it for me as much as they do in other games. as with anything, this is a personal preference though. i liked all of the routes and found the game handles the development of each love interest well. we're introduced to these men at their most pathetic and get to help them become a little more well-adjusted. lowering the cringe meter, if you will. it makes their growth all the most satisfying as the narrative progresses.

number four - even if tempest.

heroine: 9/10 story: 8.5/10 characters: 8/10 art: 6/10 enjoyability: 9/10 favorite characters: the heroine herself, tyril i lister (noriaki sugiyama), crius castlerock (makoto furukawa) and lucien neuschburn (kaito ishikawa)

right from the get-go, this game's premise had me hooked. it features the heroine, anastasia (<3!), who leads an incredibly tragic life. she's bestowed the ability to reverse time following each of her deaths and uses this to unravel a mess of mysteries the world's setting is tangled in.

this game is absolutely anastasia's story. without spoiling anything, i loved the approach they took with the time rewinding ability. how it's incorporated is unique to an otome game, which they take full advantage of to amplify the tragic romances. on that note, the romance itself occasionally takes a backseat to the narrative as a whole. personally, i didn't mind this in the moment, since i found the story so interesting. in retrospect, i do wish that we got more moments between the heroine and each love interest, especially in the true ending.

there are more gameplay elements here as well. you have to conduct investigations, gather evidence, and apply what you've learned during these trial segments. when i first read about this, i thought it'd be a gimmick, but i liked playing through them. it incentivizes you to pay extra close attention to the world.

while i liked the narrative as a whole, i do wish we got more worldbuilding. there are hints of political subterfuge and religious oligarchy that, while touched upon, could've been leaned into more to give the setting a distinct feeling.

number three - olympia soiree

heroine: 8/10 story: 8/10 characters: 8/10 art: 10/10 enjoyability: 10/10 favorite characters: akaza (yoshitsugu matsuoka), himuka (shun horie), and yosuga (yuma uchida)

in olympia soirée, the eponymous heroine, olympia, lives in a society divided into castes based on colors. she is the last surviving member of a clan that can perform rituals to keep the sun aglow. this game is a lengthier title, i believe i clocked in around 25 ish hours (i don't use auto-play so that sheds some time). the story benefits from this, as olympia has rich worldbuilding and lore that's revealed throughout the route's progression.

we get to see the consequences of this caste system and olympia's growth as she becomes determined to realize a better future for the islands. this makes the heroine someone that you want to root for. personally, i'm a sucker for stories that center around a sheltered individual being forced to face the harsh realities of the world and maturing in their own way. this, paired with the struggles specific to this setting, make for a gripping backdrop for the character's routes. all the love interests have problems of their own that they need to address.

this is certainly a mature title, there's plenty of steamy scenes featuring gorgeous artwork. seriously... all the pretty CGs are absolute eye candy. i enjoyed the balance between the main narrative and the development of the romantic relationships, i don't remember ever feeling bored.

ironically enough, i think this is the darkest game from the bunch listed here, surpassing the game with actual horror elements. there's a whole litany of trigger warnings to be mindful of when going through the game's bad ends. they are, as the term suggests, Bad. not light or humorous in the slightest. the poor heroine goes through it. please be mindful of these more touchy subjects.

number two - 9 r.i.p

heroine: 8/10 story: 8/10 characters: 9/10 art: 10/10 enjoyability: 10/10 favorite characters: minami (nobuhiko okamoto), hibiki (shunichi toki), kureha (toshiki masuda), and koyo (ryota suzuki)

i was looking forward to the english localization of this game before it was even announced ... i'd been wanting an otome game with this vibe for ages. and it didn't disappoint! there are four different overarching story sections, with two characters each having their routes fall under them. this makes it difficult to give a summary since each route has a vastly different feel. some routes lean heavy into supernatural horror (such as hibiki and kureha), whereas others are just... supernatural (like with yukimaro and koharu).

the basic premise is that the main character, misa, is a high school girl burdened with her career survey. she's uncertain what she wants for the future and is being pressured by his mother to pursue a career in medicine. in one way or another, depending on the story section, she comes into contact with the afterlife and those who inhabit it.

i loved this game, i couldn't put it down. the routes that leaned heavy into horror were my favorites, which shouldn't be a surprise lol. i do feel some love interests were given preferential treatment of others, i wanted more from sena's storyline in particular, since he's voiced by one of my favorite VAs (tetsuya kakihara, the voice of scaramouche) 😭... apparently this game is receiving a fandisc, so hopefully they'll remedy that in the future.

minami stole the show for me. from what i've gauged online, he's a divisive character, you either find him grating or love him (like i do). i'm biased but i do think he has the most interesting and well-written story out of the love interests, i've played through it three times already. i just adored the dynamic between him and the heroine. he's petulant, selfish, and a bit immature, yet he goes to extremes for her as he realizes his unhinged feelings.

hibiki is a close second. the most yandere-coded of the bunch, he's soft-spoken and polite, but that exterior hides a creepy personality. like all of the characters in this game, there's a tragic element to him. i was worried about the role the heroine would play in helping him 'overcome' this, but i think they handled it well. it doesn't feel like the heroine's fixing him so much as she's helping him have a different perspective on certain events.

yeah i'm not normal about this game, i cannot recommend it enough. it would've taken the top slot if some of the routes were a bit more polished. i didn't care for yukimaro's at all, for example. routes like minami's, hibiki's, and koyo's more than make up for it though.

number one - collar x malice

heroine: 10/10 story: 10/10 characters: 10/10 art: 10/10 enjoyability: 10/10 favorite characters: takeru sasazuka (daisuke namikawa), kei okazaki (yuki kaji), and aiji yanagi (masakazu morita)

the holy grail. the otome games that died for our sins. this isn't just a good otome game, it's an excellent story, with a very human cast, commentary on issues like the nature of crime, and you're left wanting to solve the various mysterious as much as the heroine does. speaking of the heroine, miss hoshino ichika is my all-time favorite heroine. she's clever, resolute, compassionate, and you can't help but fall in love with her a little yourself 😭😭

i'm not sure if this makes sense, but the world feels very... full? you get this sense that ichika exists outside just interacting with the love interests. she has her career, friends, and her younger brother that act as more than passing NPCs. the writers ensured all the characters with portraits are given some level of depth. i left caring about more characters than the heroine and love interests.

each route is dedicated to working through a certain case, which keeps the story intriguing as you progress. finally, all of the little hints that have been littered throughout coalesce into the 'true' route, where questions you've had since the first chapter are given satisfactory conclusions. at the same time, you're left wondering about a few things, such as the complete philosophy of the main antagonist.

ichika's relationship with each of the love interests develops alongside the case they're investigating, which almost always have connections or parallels to the LI's past. this helped ground them in reality and flesh them out into dynamic characters. you come to care deeply about them alongside ichika. the romance feels earned and doesn't come on too fast, which some otome games suffer from.

if you like otome games and haven't played collar x malice yet, i fully recommend it!!!!!!!! it's the strongest title from what i've played so far.

[multidimensionalguidance]

Where does your spouse come from? Part 2

This is the continuation of Part 1 where I've mentioned where the 7th house lord can move and how this can give us insights of the country where they might come from (if they are foreigners), and a lot of other details in regards to our romantic partnerships. I've already covered from Aries/1H to Virgo/6H, and will continue with the rest.

Remember to take a look at where your 7th house lord is moving. Where is the planet that rules that sign sitting, and what are other planetary aspects is it receiving as well. Is it in a friendly sign or not? Is the house beneficial or not?

Note: I use sidereal calculations, so for the most accurate results on this it would be preferred for calculations to be adjusted.

First of all, it is always good to start with intuitively choosing the countries you’ve always been curious or lured towards. Cultures you’d like to get to understand and explore! Click this link to look at the dates of independence or incorporation dates of those countries to see if it matches the lord of your 7th house.

Second, please pay EXTRA attention to this descriptions the most if your 7th house lord is in the 9th house or 12th house. Look for the planet or sign that resides there in order to get an even more accurate prediction.

Lastly, even if your 7th house lord falls in any other house, these descriptions will still aid you towards understanding your protentional romantic, business, or any other type of close relationships.

Libra/7H: Turkey, Poland, Amsterdam, Berlin, Panama, Antigua and Barbuda, and Austria all have Sun in Libra. These are some of the countries your spouse might be from or related to through family. They will be very social or at the very least aware of how social dynamics function. They care about their appearance and will feel uncomfortable not presenting themselves within their preferred aesthetics. They will enjoy art or be quite creative themselves, so do expect dates that revolve this sort of activities. Communicating with others in a non-conflictive way is a very big thing, and perhaps it is the way their environment encouraged them to be as well. They will be smooth talkers, and express themselves in a politically correct manner. You might meet them in a place that feels harmonious, in the sense of following a certain aesthetic. Other people might introduce them to you or they might be a small push required from others (or even you) to make them feel comfortable enough with approaching you full force. They could come from places that are pleasing visually, and where people enjoy fine arts. There's a sort of "poshness" to their surroundings that promotes elegance in general, so that will influence them as well. They will enjoy windy weathers and food that looks and taste good (emphasis on the first than the latter). They will have a very good appearance or at the very least maintain a "clean" look. Most of their features will be somewhat softer, and it will be noticeable in their gaze. They use their eyes to attract others, knowingly or not. They'll probably identify the wifey qualities within you quite fast, and will make it known the way they feel. If this house or planet is not heavily afflicted, then finding a business or marriage partner should not be too difficult to achieve at all.

Scorpio/8H: Lebanon, Thailand, Finland, Iceland, Albania, United Arab Emirates, Monaco, Kenya, and Barbados, could be one of the countries that your spouse might be from or enjoy a lot. They will have a secretive/reserved nature which makes them quite alluring. They will come from an environment that encouraged a lot of chaotic changes, and forced them to develop defensive mechanisms that relay on control tactics. Their weather could be as well quite changing in nature or experience many chaotic natural events. You will meet them in private places or within a small gathering. As simple as a small group of friends visiting a beach or river. It could also be after one or both of you just experienced really difficult situations. After some sort of transformation occurred where one or both had to mentally set themselves to heal/grow. You might engage in secret or very close conversations that will allow feelings to develop quickly and intensely. They might enjoy risky situations that drive adrenaline through the roof. Spicy food or heavily relied on meat/protein could be a big part of their diet. You and your partner are prone to being obsessive and desire to control each others feelings to a certain degree, just for the sake of creating a false sense of comfort. This connections will be karmic by nature and sometimes necessary for our growth, so be aware of the difficulties and learn when to let go for your own sake. They might have sharp features, a very intense gaze, and an aura that is felt by others. They are also more prone to having dark hair or eyes. There will also be material growth or a focus towards each others resources, but be mindful to not allow others to use you entirely for financial gains nor attempt to do the same yourself. All of your connections will naturally have darker and taboo themes sitting on the surface to be explored. You will enjoy or have some fixation for each others body, specifically the sexual zones. Chemistry is not the same as connection, so be mindful of that since not everyone is a fit for serious relationships simply because the sexual aspects are very positive.

Sagittarius/9H: UK, Haiti, Brunei, Bulgaria, Qatar, Cuba, Sudan, Slovenia, and Kazakhstan are some of the countries where they might be from or strongly feel connected to for some way. They are adventurous, restless, optimistic, funny, well cultured, and spiritual in some way. They might come from environments that are very traditionally tied to religion or spiritual institutions, temples, etc. They might be used to being perceived or surrounded by foreigners as well, which allows them to adapt easily to others and be familiar with different languages. You'll meet in an airport, temples, university or education areas, ceremonies (like a wedding), legal departments, at a bank, etc. They'll enjoy going to different places, be it doing sports, trying new cuisines, and overall just staying busy. You both will most likely travel together, or there might be some distance between the two of you at some point. This is a connection that will broaden your horizons and allow you both to evolve spiritually. Their appearance will be different from your native country, so they will definitely be a foreigner with looks that make them stand out. Expect them to be tall, possibly have green eyes and/or to be fit. They might love horses or learned how to ride horses when they were young. You might become more spiritual or devoted to a religion after meeting them or after marriage. Your partner/spouse will definitely be traditional, even if they have an open mind and avoid placing judgement on situations they are unfamiliar with. They will pay extra attention to your thighs and butt, so don't be surprise if they stare too hard or mention it directly. You are both going to push each other to achieve a higher awareness or consciousness. The laughs and jokes will also be plenty as well, and that will help a lot when dealing with any difficulties in the relationship, but just make sure to not sweep things under the rug.

Capricorn/10H: Buenos Aires, Singapore, Romania, New Zealand, Grenada, and Nauru might be some of the countries your partner/spouse might be from or have a connection with. They are responsible, career oriented, structured, service oriented, grounded, and the type to show their love by actions rather than words. They might come from environments that were rough or challenging to be around, in the sense that the weather or people could be harsh to deal with. People might think they're older than his actual age, and not necessarily due to appearance but the way they think, speak, move, and behave. They simply have a very mature personality and this is mainly because they had to grow up fast and their parents were probably very demanding or not as present as they should have. Expect them to be around people that have authority or coworkers. You might meet them in governmental institutions or spaces, abandoned places, a city hall, at work, at the chiropractors, and overall in any public space. They probably prefer to eat the same type of food with little variety, but they like high quality places that feel and look luxurious. Your connection will be karmic by nature and initially might feel too serious or difficult. Now, it does promise longevity and growth towards your career, profession, and status. Your partner/spouse will enjoy his work a lot and socializing with people as well, but despite the fame or notoriety they might have they'll enjoy being alone with you the most. They will be the type to externally seem very outgoing, yet actually prefer being introverted or away from the public, an this happens due to the excessive time that they invest in working with others. In terms of appearance, they might be medium in heigh, have a sharp gaze, strong legs, and brown/dark colored eyes. There's a good chance they'll be older than you, if not in age, then definitely in their way of thinking or seeing life. You might end up meeting their parents soon in the relationship as well. The both of you will have to put some necessary efforts to make the relationship work, as there will be challenges in the way. The relationship will be very public or known by others even if you both try to be lowkey about it, so be careful to not allow others to get in the way.

Aquarius/11H: Lithuania, Saint Lucia, Ghana, Dominican Republic, Wales, Estonia and Kuwait are some of the countries they might be from or associated to in some way. They'll be independent, creative, innovative, cunning, friendly yet introverted, and have many niche interest. Their environment might have random and unexpected weather changes, which fits their own nature as well. It's likely their surroundings taught them to be flexible, open minded, and comfortable with being themselves. They will be very experimental with their food, and might even have a bit of an odd yet interesting taste. Their preference in music will be *chef's kiss* so you'll be adding their playlist to your favorites and sharing music often. You might meet them through your friends, the internet, social media, networking circle, NGO's, charities, inside an airplane, at a tech facility, or at any big events. They'll be popular and probably well known by others, be it because of their impressive skills or simply for who they are. They are the type to be very close to their friends and alliances because thanks to them they are able to progress through life. You will learn the value of being part of a community and planning long term towards your future investments. You will both pursue your dreams and long term goals together. They might be the type to give you many gifts in all shapes and form. Surprising you and putting a smile on your face with their quirks will always be a goal for them. In terms of appearance they might look different, but not in a bad way, rather that there is something about them that makes them look like they do not belong to this world. One of the main themes of your relationships will be about independence and freedom. Your partner/spouse does not like to feel restricted or boxed in, so if you're the clingy type then the more negative aspects might show up with them pulling away or putting some distance. Communication is essential in all relationships, but with your partner it will be even more so. They will prefer you to be straight forward and blunt, even if it might seem rude, but do no worry because they are experts at listening, understanding, and finding a solution.

Pisces/12H: Hungary, Ireland, Iran, Greece, Denmark, and Pakistan are some of the countries that they might be related or connected to in some way. They'll be dreamy, artistic, inspirational, bubbly, and very physic. Their environment might have been uprooted in spiritual or religious beliefs, similarly to Sagittarius/9H, but the difference is that they are more likely to follow those traditions to such depths that it might lead them to "lose" themselves or develop escapist intentions behind it. They might have visited temples or churches growing up, so they are usually very accepting of others. In terms of the physical surroundings they might have grown around big sources of water (lakes, beaches, ponds, etc) or visited them often. If they are not allergic to any sea food, then they will eat it a lot. They enjoy their privacy and despite their ability to camouflage in different groups they will only confide the most in themselves or you. You might meet them a church, temple, a club, close to large bodies of water, foreign lands, hospital, asylum, or even places where they legally sell recreational dr*gs. There will be a sense of mystery or unknown in the relationship, where you or your partner feel as if you're unsure where the connection is leading which might be confusing. They might have a history of using substances or doing things that are not seen well by the law. You will feel like despite their past and background it is easy for you to look past it all and be very understanding with them. There's a need for being careful of not allowing the relationship to become a vicious cycle where you encourage each others bad habits, insecurities, etc. In terms of appearance, they will have eyes that almost look half asleep in some way and that makes them seem seductive in a way. They might be tall or medium height, fit or slender, have curly hair, and use glasses. You will both feel like the connection is fated or destined in some way. There might also be a distance between the two of you at some point, be it because you both live in different places, a loss in the relationship, meaning going separate ways to eventually get back together, or to stay separated. Either way, if there is no harsh affliction or malefices then despite everything you will both become very spiritual and psychic together. You will feel like communicating telepathically is very much real, and it will be common for you both to dream often of each other. This is the type of connection that you don't ever forget about and that teaches you a lot about the parts of yourself that you might not see. The connection will show you both the good, bad, and wonderful that exists within each other.

[aboredindividual]

Omega Fashion

The main difference between omega fashion and other dynamics is the division they use. In alpha and beta fashion, the clothing is divided by the first gender, male or female. In omega ones, the clothing is divided by development stages of the omega in question: Immature -> Mature and Unmated -> Mature and Mated -> During and Post pregnancy. Those stages show significant milestones that omega hit and every transition from one to another is often celebrated by their families.

The clothes in question have the most variety and complexivity of all the secondary genders. They often make a point to show off omega's social status in question, resulting in razzle dazzle type of clothing, regardless of division. The unsaid social rule states that omegas' overall image represent the wellness of the house, ensuing a custom where omegas are often pampered with multitude of robes, jewelry and trinkets.

Immature Omegas

Omegas typically wears those clothes from their presentation up untill the age of 18-19 where they will then be considered mature. The clothing style consists of Long, multilayered skirt, a long sleeved underrobe,strap tank and an overrobe with short wide sleeve. The clothes are to show off omegas innocence and childishness ( that they have, lets not forget that they are under 18 and considered a child). They are often easy to wash and breathable. When it comes to an omegas neck and wrist areas, they are often covered by simple neck necklaces and wrist warmers.

Mature and Unmated Omegas

It's the stage where omega is at 18 years of age and considered eligible for mating and marriage. The fashion favours many layers and body modesty. The clothes are often elaborate and eye-catching where omega's beauty is accentuated with careful layers and jewelry. They range from body fitting to loose, light to dark coloured etc. During this stage there will be time where omega will start to court people. You can discern fully single omega and courting one by one difference- the jewelry. Single omega's jewelry around ones neck is often simple but covering omegas neck fully with matching wrist bracelets covering their scent glands whereas courting omega's jewelry will be more elaborate and detailed. There is also a trend in fashion where omega will wear nail jewelry, that is small and unasuming but adding elegant touch.

Mature and Mated Omegas

This clothing stage focuses on showing off shoulder and neck area, where mating bite resides. This fashion division makes it known that omega is off limits and dazzling with happiness. There is present large amount of decorations, jewelry and layers. Those mated omegas often really invest in how they look to show off themselves and their mates as a sign of pride and fullfilment. Furthermore this fashion isnt only reserved for omegas without children, Omegan mothers can fluidly switch between the maternal fashion and mated one as both of them kinda coexist together, it is matter of preference tho which fashion individual omega prefers. The nail jewelry is also present where omegas lets their nails grow to bigger lenghts while still being unobtrusive when permorming tasks.

During and Post Pregnancy

This fashion is reserved for expecting and present mothers, where they want to show off omega's belly and neck area on full display. Those clothes offer more mobility and freedom than all previous divisions and try to put omegas in ,,godlike'' clothes to represent their strength and beauty while carrying their young. Even omegas who are after childbirth often still remain in those clothes to show off their ,,mom bod'' and fertility.

Edit: I shifted Ming dynasty clothing up to the post pregnancy region because i kinda thought about it. While the two piece clothing that shows belly is fine, it would be pretty irresponsible to wear it on cold weather. Plus the Ming clothing covers whole body, doesnt obstruct belly and looks pretty cozy (at least on pictures), hence the change :)) Toodles

[horriblengrossstories]

🦂 DEREK GOFFARD: THE MAN, THE MYTH, THE ABSOLUTE FUCKING PROBLEM 🦂

Collected. Verified. Archived so that Birdie can stop pretending she deleted them.(mah bad)

Basic Info

Name: Derek Goffard

Age: 27

Height: 5'10"

Nationality: Canadian

Lives: On a massive estate outside a large city

Wealth: Comes from family money; most of his assets technically belong to his father

Occupation: Heir to a multi-millionaire business empire

Public Image: Forced to appear polished, professional, and perfect

Personality

Extroverted, performative, and cruel

Deeply narcissistic and emotionally volatile

Obsessed with dominance and control

Performs charm but lacks real emotional depth

Not as smart as he thinks he is, cunning, not intelligent

Loves slapstick and cruel humor

Mocking, insulting especially toward people he likes

No real friends; confuses sycophants with companionship

Has a monstrous ego and is incapable of real respect or love without major changes

Appearance & Style

Usually very clean and manicured (borderline obsessive)

Wears expensive designer suits due to image expectations

Understands fashion to judge others, not because he enjoys it

Not into earrings or flashy accessories but could be persuaded

Has a large back tattoo that covers old scars from childhood beatings

On vacation (in the desert), he becomes filthy and feral

Family

Eldest son, first in line to inherit

Many younger half-siblings from at least 5 different mothers

Relationship with siblings is terrible — full of jealousy and resentment

Especially hated by Matt, his next-youngest sibling

Envy mixed with cruelty, he's bitter that his father was easier on the others

His father is manipulative, violent, and keeps rotating girlfriends

Derek lives under strict control from his father, financially and socially

Behavior & Habits

Yearly “vacation” to the desert badlands with his secret club of five members

Each member brings a victim

Derek only kills in the desert

His dad suggested these trips to let him vent his volatility

Would continue the trips even if he had a captive at home

Would not bring a second victim would just show photos and describe it in detail

Has had DUIs covered up by his dad

Thinks speeding is fun and rules are optional

Prefers summer: likes heat and watching people struggle with body image

Secretly has a sweet tooth (candy, soda), but hides it

Uses black market connections casually

Obsessed with crying fear, desperation, ugly sobbing, especially

Gets off on control, emotional collapse, and humiliation

Interpersonal Dynamics

Will insult people he likes; the more he insults, the more he’s into them

Has never had a real romantic relationship, only gold diggers, whom he treats worse

Would be massively, obsessively attached to a captive kept at home

Thinks about them constantly

Becomes happier, calmer knowing they’re waiting for him

Doesn’t understand love, but clings to affection like a starving animal

Would mock, angry crying, but be aroused by it anyway

Stockholm syndrome ending involves mutual obsession

The captive falls deliberately; Derek becomes possessive beyond reason

Miscellaneous

Idolizes Machete for being mysterious and respected

Will never eat off the floor himself, but would pay someone to do it for fun

Trained from youth to lie, evade taxes, and obey the family doctrine: “Only results matter.”

Skilled at manipulation, not business

Most of his power comes from obedience and ruthlessness, not competence

Fake-drunk behavior is strategic: carries drinks without drinking, pretends to be harmless

'Bastard frat boy' drunk is more honest and reckless

Doesn’t have a clear aim or self-understanding — just acts on brutal instinct and desire

Does not understand his own emotional needs and has never learned how to seek comfort

Believes nothing is off-limits, which leaves him jaded and bored by materialism

Oops. So, like, I didn’t mean to delete those 40 facts about Derek Goffard. Really didn’t. I was just doing my thing and poof, gone...But hey, now they’re back. And you know what? They’re cleaned up. In list format, you’re welcome. These are real. These are facts. These are DEREK GOFFARD TRUTHS™. All sourced directly from Gato’s blog before it got scrubbed (moment of silence for the blog).

— Birdie🐦

[benevxllain]

Who are your favorite Diabolik Lovers couples? I'm a little curious about :D

Ayyyyy!! Wb! I hope you've been doing great in this crazy world of ours! Thanks for the message! Now, allow me to discuss these cuties that live on in my memories. Once upon a time, I was a member of a bustling discord where I was blessed to be in the company of creative people, whose ships and ocs kept me enthralled for months on end. They lived rent-free in my head; I was a cookie monster for every new crumb and detail, and, so, now, let's see how accurately I can describe them for you.

Shitzu (Shu x Mitsuha @crowtunezz) - Mitsuha feels like the modern tomboy we all relate to in our awkward, authentic, and endearingly goofy way. She reminds me of Chizuru Yoshida from Kimi ni Todoke! The way she goes blank when Shu is near, like Mitsuha.exe just crashes is so SWEET and real, while, internally, she isn't confident and assumes she hasn't the slightest chance that he'll ever be interested her in a million years, which ngl makes me root for her OVER and OVER because their dynamic is actually so precious?? He's chill and tired; she's energy personified, without being obnoxious and I can see his face lighting up with grins and laughter he hasn't had since he was a small boy. She brings him to life and he draws her back to her earth with a casual touch - that may or not result in her faceplanting and burning bright red from head to toe with steam pouring out of her flustered ears.

Yita (Yuma x Rita @margherita-dascenzo - Rita is PRECIOUS, built perfectly, and I don't care who disagrees because the way she was written speaks to me on a spiritual level. What girl out there doesn't have aspirations to live comfortably and hold some amount of power in the world? On the surface, she's sunshine and springtime, but behind this social butterfly is a woman in mourning for all she's lost to time - centuries of faces she'll never see again. She and Yuma have this natural chemistry about them that can range from relaxed and lighthearted to chaotic shenanigans to ALL KINDS OF SPICY???? His ears might eventually fall off from the amount of stories she tells him and, honestly, even though that part of her annoys him at times, I love that, over time, he accepts that part of her personality and doesn't try to change her because it is a part of her charm - he's important to her, and she just wants to tell him every single thing she can. On a surprisingly sad note, as I write this out, I realize a huge part of the reason she overshares is that she wants to tell him all she can tell him and solidify what they have because one day she just might not have him around anymore, and like so many, many others long gone, he, their memories, and their future family will remain forever woven into the depths of her heart.

Kalice (Kanato x Alice @eyelessdoll-y) - I tell no lies: I HAD NO TIME FOR THIS DOOD until I met this girl. I couldn't see what Kanato stans see in him, but this is the one that opened my eyes with her masterful insight, as if she'd designed him from scratch herself. From her very first, very detailed post, I was hooked on why he's so critical, so mistrustful, so changeable - and how Alice initially suffered horribly, but also how she redefines his very biased, very harsh preference of the perfect 'doll' girl. It angered and pained me to read how she accommodated him, empathized with him, understood him, and in his recklessness, his arrogance, he's not prepared to accept what's developing in his heart. As the already distraught Alice's mind is further manipulated and wounded by Laito and another Sakamaki who's looked on in envy, coveting the affection she showered onto his brother so dotingly, I feared the worst, and couldn't help but wonder whether or not the pair would ever reconcile. But, when they do, it's honestly the most touching thing - his flustered face, unprepared for how she wears her heart on her sleeve, but also how he dotes on her and wants her to have the most high-quality gowns, shoes, and accessories, to be suitable only for him, happy only with him - my heart weeps???

Kinklett (Kino x Scarlett @kindan-no-rp) - Where do I start? Dare I say the Kinkening? The step on me that started it all? These two have banter for days in the most electrifying ways. I needed popcorn one moment, and all the refreshments in the refrigerator the next. On one hand, Kino is hellbent on proving himself and not being outdone, but the depth in which he likes/loves Scarlett gets to me every single time. I live for his internal panic when they clash or confusion arises, and he faults himself -GASP ACCOUNTABILITY?? IN DL?? Someone pinch me- if/when he's wrong/witnessing her teary-eyed or upset because, despite his jokey, chaotic nature, he's actually very, very aware of how alone he is both in his ambitions and in his social circle - yes, there's Yuuri, but no one actually wants him until now, and he doesn't want to lose her, this woman he's pestered and played with, teased and charmed, and fallen hopelessly in love with, and can't go for too long without messaging her or popping by to spend time in her company, even if only to listen to her at the piano, practicing and perfecting her skill. Commitment is a nightmare to Scarlett, who's known unspeakable torture and enslavement, never again wanting to be tied down, controlled, or vulnerable to anyone - but when the red string of fate combines their lives, sparks fly, there is friction, and, underneath, a fierce, unbreakable loyalty and passion that both can't believe is actually, finally theirs and theirs alone.

[sarastuss]

please tell me what your five favorite things about sarastus are <3 thank you

chuckles back at it again with a fun ask! this was such a sweet thing to send, so thank you friend! ✨💛 i was meant to response to this a long ago but then came holidays &. traveling, oof.

1. first things first ; i love f.fxiv from the bottom of my heart. this is truly my favorite piece of media, &. of course in the same way, i am very attached to the oc i have created. writing her is one of the best decisions i have ever made, because i do dare say it ; writing her is the most fun i've had what it comes to writing a muse! sorry felicia my beloved, you are a close second but it is the ffxiv media for me. 2. a hero, but not one that sees the world as black &. white. she harbors a lot of sympathy towards her enemies, &. can understand their point of view. it is never that straightforward what it comes to conflicts ; at least not always. whenever facing ascians, though it is arguable that lahabrea was one of those that was furthest away from what he used to be, twisted by time &. slight tempering effects zodiark had ; even though at the time she did not remember, after killing him, she felt strange about it. ( this had been a colleague of hers in the convocation. ) shadowbringers - arc especially, showcases perfectly that the ascians have an understandable reason to do what they do, but still, the scions, nor sarastus herself can not let that happen. regardless of the sympathy she feels, &. how much it might break her to follow her duty ; she does, even if it means killing those she once considered close friends. at that point, too far gone down the path. she does what is needed, no matter how hard it is for her personally, even if she would prefer to save everyone. 3. speaking of which ; i absolutely love those moments sarastus goes all out. i have always said i do not downplay the op - level she is at, but it is so good to get those moments in - game where she absolutely wreaks havoc, one woman army in battles. showing why her enemies fear her, &. call her devastatingly brutal. i am just someone who adores strong women, i guess. that being said ; more threads with with enemy dynamics!! 4. but following that ; i like how she can form genuine bonds very quickly. assuming you are not an evil person with bad intentions, you get to see that golden hearted hero, who would die for you even though she has known you for five minutes. those people she comes across upon her journeys, she remembers each &. every one of them. ( even recognizing faces from crowds that she comes across again. ) though there is a certain loneliness that comes with her duty, with being the strongest ; it is with the help of these people in many different ways that she gets more strength to go on, &. the fact that though there are certain heights only she can reach, there are always people that are willing to give her a push if she needs. she is always genuine with people, yes, even with enemies, she does not hide anything, &. i think it is both beautiful &. brave. 5. her story. okay, i am the one who made my own little twists to it of course ; but i am very proud with what i came up with! while the twist of her being the one &. the same person than the one lived in the world before the sundering, ( though slightly affected herself, her soul shattering to one other half resulting in ardbert ) is both a minor detail considering i otherwise follow the very canon storyline, since she has little next to no other backgrounds before the ARR - arc, since that is when she awakes ... it is also very huge twist. &. honestly? it adds so much more to the story, &. it has been super interesting to explore, both while i played through the game &. in my head went over the minor changes to dialogue / reactions that would happen, it has also been super fun to explore that in writing!! not only that, but i think sarastus as a character is very inspirational, as are many of the characters in the game. no matter how much she faces, even if through kicking &. screaming, she rises again &. forges on.

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Mikan (pt. 19)

Hello again! I'm gonna try to do a more or less consistent posting schedule from now on. So, without further ado, let's try it out!

We left Mikan after the New Years Arc and now things seem uncertain and hesitant. We will now enter a transition arc before we begin the Sports Festival. This transition addresses many topics that will be crucial, so it's not a filler arc, just a few lighter chapters with critical information that gives us a chance to catch our breath before things go to hell again. Let's begin.

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Chapter Seventy-One

Don’t take for granted that we’re in a transition arc. There’s still a lot to analyze here!

It’s nearly February now and a new semester is starting, and Mikan is very excited, especially because nobody has lost any stars yet. She’s in a particularly good mood today because she found out the lengths Hotaru went to on her behalf when she was on death’s door in the last arc, pleading with her brother to help them.

She’s also looking forward to Hotaru getting closer to her brother. She’s wanted that all along, for Hotaru and Subaru to get along and become proper siblings. Secretly Hotaru wants this too, but because she’s never had it and Subaru is so cold, it’s hard to actually act on it. It took a lot of courage for Hotaru to ask him to help Mikan, and she’s not about to be emotionally vulnerable with him again.

Hotaru tolerates Mikan’s affections for a bit longer than she usually would, just happy that Mikan is alive, because an annoying Mikan is much preferable to a dead Mikan. Meanwhile, Mikan is just happy to get more proof that Hotaru cares. It means a lot. But Hotaru still has a limit to what she can tolerate, so she does end up hitting Mikan after all.

If I can squeeze in a little talk about the Imai siblings, I will grab the opportunity. Don't mind me.

Later, Mikan searches for Hotaru, who has run off again. The affectionate mood has quickly moved on. She runs into Narumi, who is happy to walk with her for a bit, commenting that they hadn’t chatted for a while. He probes a bit about the Hanahimeden, but Mikan is sworn to secrecy, so she becomes uncomfortable about the topic. Narumi keeps on talking, but Mikan can’t hear him over the wind. He thanks her--for something--and then lifts her up to take her back to class. He doesn’t need her to tell him anything because he already knows. 

And it’s a nice moment, even if Mikan has no idea what he’s talking about. This is a person who has proven himself worthy of her trust, so she assumes that, whatever he’s talking about, he must still have good intentions.

Until Natsume appears out of nowhere and is a jerk for no reason, kicking Narumi and sending Mikan flying as a result. She argues with him, chasing after him now to give him a piece of her mind. And he bickers back, like always. This is their normal. 

The status quo!

A scene like this is important, especially in a transitional arc like this one. We’re establishing certain dynamics and how characters function with each other, which is especially crucial if things are going to change soon. This closeness Mikan feels with Natsume is something that actually makes her happy, no matter how much they argue. We already know that she doesn’t want Natsume going anywhere because she wants to always be close to him and with him. It’s important for us to know that and to be aware of that, because that closeness will soon be threatened.

Chapter Seventy-Two

Mikan is being stalked by an alice stone. She doesn’t know whose it is or what power it holds, but it’s been following her for a while, so she decides to claim it as her own. Although she gets teased for it by her classmates, she’s sure it’s an alice stone that really likes her. 

Class B is having a combined ability class so that the kids can learn about alice stones. Great timing! I went into a lot of detail about all the lore the scans left out in my Natsume essay, so I won’t go over it again. Too much work to repeat myself. Just read it here. 

Tono is subbing in for Nodacchi as a SA representative, since he’ll soon be doing assigned teacher training. Mikan asks him about the stone she’s found and he tells her that it’s a teleportation stone, and since it’s been following her, either the stone likes her or its maker does. The color of the stone means that the stone was made with deep feelings of care and compassion. That means that whoever made it was concerned about Mikan, which makes her even happier. 

I'm including this panel for a few reasons, not including Ruka, Natsume, and Hotaru suspiciously eyeing Tono. 1. This is one of the panels that includes Hoshino before his formal introduction and departure later on. 2. Mikan seems entirely fine sitting on Tono's lap here, even though others seem concerned--something that contrasts with her behavior a little later. I'll get to that next time.

Turns out that because you’re making an alice stone for someone else, your feelings are way more involved than otherwise using your alice. It’s important to focus on emotions and conveying them through the stone in order to make an effective one. Strong feelings are crucial!

Which is apparently why the legend that exchanging them on Valentine's Day means you’ll be together forever exists. (It is the third hook-up event at the school after all!) Exchanging alice stones with your valentine is inherently romantic.

(Valentine's Day, Christmas Ball, and Last Dance traditions have, as I've already explained, false leads that have nothing to do with Natsume and Mikan's courtship, especially because when they do exchange alice stones, it's actually on Christmas, not Valentine's. Nice.)

Realizing that, Mikan starts to freak out. She remembers that she had promised to exchange stones with Ruka before. She hadn’t known the meaning, sure, but maybe he did? Was he trying to propose or something??? Though she doesn’t really like to linger on it, she more or less knows that Ruka is at least a little romantically interested in her. So maybe he meant it romantically all along, and she accidentally agreed to something so huge without fully realizing what she was doing! But did he realize? 

But then Mikan remembers what happened after Ruka ran off that night, that she had offered to give her stone to Natsume and he’d rejected her, telling her to give her stone only to Ruka. 

So Ruka had maybe inadvertently proposed to her and she had accepted without realizing it. 

And she had proposed to Natsume without meaning to, but he had rejected her.

These scans are so disappointing, but I think it's important to note that the issue with Ruka is that she accidentally agreed to a future engagement and isn't sure if he was aware at the time. The issue with Natsume is that he obviously did know what exchanging alice stones meant but didn't want hers, which means she'd been rejected without ever confessing.

HMM! Mikan is pretty flustered now, because that night is so embarrassing in retrospect. She doesn’t know how to talk to Ruka about what happened. I think her conversation with Natsume was a lot less embarrassing for them both because Natsume already knew she didn’t know the meaning. He’s not gonna think she proposed because he’d already asked her point blank if she knew what it meant. The issue is that he obviously did know from the beginning what it meant. And he refused her…

We know that Mikan loves Natsume. She may not want to know it, but she is in love with him. Mikan doesn’t give us much of a reaction to go off of, but I’m sure it’s bizarre and confusing for her to remember these memories with added context. Just like she wonders if Ruka had romantic intentions when he suggested exchanging stones, she must wonder what exactly Natsume was thinking when he told her only to give her stone to Ruka. Had she been rejected without ever confessing? (Or really admitting it to herself?)

But Hotaru and Yuu have already made their stones--pretty large considering this is their first time. Mikan forces herself not to think about the stone exchange and tries to make a stone with her classmates.

Based on what Tono had told her about feelings of protecting someone and how well that idea suits her alice, it could be expected that Mikan might be pretty good at making alice stones. If Mikan could just focus and think of protecting one person, maybe the stone would turn out a decent size. But Mikan is already distracted, and she’s not thinking focused thoughts about protecting someone, so her stone turns out tiny, a pebble too small to even pick up. 

Tono comments that it’s hard to tell if this is genuinely the best she can do since she was so distracted, but Mikan is crushed that her stone is so small. 

The teachers decide to play a game with the kids, “alice stone in the dark,” where whoever you find in the dark is who you trade alice stones with. Because the teachers are participating and have powerful stones to offer, and because they tempt them with interesting student alice combinations, the kids quickly get on board. 

Natsume is invited to participate, even though this was a free study period for him because of how skilled he already is in regards to using his alice and making alice stones. Mikan thinks sadly to herself that even though she’d want to trade stones with lots of people, she doubts anybody would want her lousy alice stone. It’s small and a nullifying stone. Nobody would want it. And even though she’s always self-conscious about her alice--yes, even now, even after all she was able to do during the Hanahime Arc--she still wants her alice to go to someone who actually wants and needs it, someone who would treasure it. 

Mikan remembers the moment of creation, when Tono told her to think of someone who could really benefit from her alice. “Who needs your power the most? Think of them.”

We already know who that is, and so does Mikan, because she’s thought of this before. Mikan remembers the conversation they had by the lake, when she promised him she would give him her stone when she grew up. She’s embarrassed when she thinks of the same conversation she had with Ruka, but even then, she was simply responding to his offer. Ruka’s alice is so useful and impressive that it makes sense he’d feel comfortable trading it. But Mikan’s alice is so useless and boring, the only person she can imagine who would benefit from it is Natsume. So the memory will always be positive, because she remembers that someone needs her alice, the alice she’s always insecure about. 

The lights go out and it’s time to get to trading. 

She doesn’t understand why she thinks of Natsume, but she can’t not think of him. Of all the people in the room, he needs her alice the most. So she decides to look for him. The issue is that it’s dark and a lot of people probably wanna trade with Natsume. What are the chances that she’ll just run into him?

But the alice stone in her pocket, the one that has been following her for days, is Sakurano’s alice stone, which means it contains the wish alice. And Mikan’s wish is that her stone would go to someone who needs it, and that the person will have good luck and be helped by the stone--and that helps guide her to him. 

As she searches for him, we continue to get Mikan’s memory of Tono’s lesson: that alice stones are reliant on compatibility between maker and user, but that even that can be overridden if the maker’s feelings resonate with the user’s. Sakurano wanted for his stone exactly what Mikan wants for hers--for it to go to somebody who will benefit from it, who will be helped by it. So Sakurano’s alice stone helps guide her right to Natsume, despite the dark. That’s how Mikan can be so sure she’s found him.

She's so happy!

She catches him, the exact person she’d been looking for, the person who needs her alice the most, the boy she loves (though she is not entirely aware of that yet because she doesn’t want to be). The lights turn on and Mikan is holding onto Natsume’s hand. She was right after all! 

He doesn’t say much of anything, but that’s not entirely new. She explains that nobody wants her alice stone, so she figured she’d just force it on him. She leaves it unsaid that she wants him to have it because he’s the one who would benefit the most from it, because if he comments on it, it would hurt. She plays it down, like she always does with him. She drops the pebble into his hand. It’s orange, like her name, but it’s too small to really see. 

But she remembers that Natsume had told her to only give her stone to Ruka, a sort of rejection before she’d ever made a stone. She hurriedly adds that it’s not an exchange, which means he can accept it and not have to worry about Ruka or about the fact that she may or may not have romantic feelings for him. She’s not proposing, so he can’t reject it. She’s embarrassed because she’s really putting herself out there with this, but she really wants him to have it. 

She thinks to herself that she has a long way to go before she makes an alice stone that would be good enough to help Natsume in a meaningful way. Natsume is so important to her, even simply in regards to her alice, because he’s the one person she can think of who would be helped by it. He’s the one person who makes her think her alice isn’t useless, because he always ends up benefiting from it. And now, as she walks away from him, she’s thinking of perfecting her alice and making a more powerful stone, specifically with helping Natsume in mind. What she wants is to help him, to be able to give him a stone that would make a difference to him someday. 

And we know that Mikan doesn’t like to think real, full, complete thoughts about her feelings for Natsume, so we have to make do with the fact that she’s thinking about making him another stone someday. But she won’t have the game as an excuse to hide behind next time. I wonder if she's considered that.

She runs away from him, having said her piece and dropped off her baby stone to him. I can imagine she’s probably a little anxious about having given Natsume her stone after he’d rejected the idea before, especially when she’s so insecure about her alice and he’s the only who makes her feel like her alice is needed. She doesn’t want to linger and give him the chance to judge her, because she’d be devastated.

She doesn’t wait for him to give her a stone, either, even though the point of the game is to trade. She doesn’t need his alice stone. All she really wants is to give him hers. And, yeah, obviously that’s pretty literal in that Mikan isn’t expecting anything from him and is content to give her stone to the one person who needs it, but I overanalyze everything all the time and I’m not about to stop now! I think it’s pretty symbolic of the situation next year, or how things unfolded during the Z Arc. All Mikan wants is to use her alice to protect Natsume. She does not want him using his alice for her. Yes, on occasion, she benefits from his alice, and she often gets protected by him. But she doesn’t want him to be obligated to help her (or to give her an alice stone just because she gave him one) like in the Z Arc. And she definitely doesn’t want him to kill himself to protect her, the way he does later, in about a year. It’s enough to just give him her alice stone, her protection, even if she gets nothing in return.

“I pray, with all my heart, that the path ahead of you is a little smoother,” is the wish--whether it’s Sakurano’s or Mikan’s specifically doesn’t matter, because their wishes resonated. That’s what Mikan wants for Natsume.

The next morning, Mikan wakes up and is delighted to find a present on her windowsill! It’s a huge red alice stone. Mikan is overjoyed, so happy to have received such a lovely present out of the blue. Her first thought is that it came from Natsume, but she doesn’t even finish the thought before she shuts it down.

She wants it to be Natsume, though.

Natsume?! Of all people? Giving her such a big and beautiful stone? There’s no way he would want to exchange alice stones with her--he’d rejected her before, after all. She still doesn’t know whose it is, and Natsume is still the most likely (and unlikely) culprit, but she’s just happy to have received it.

Chapter Seventy-Three

It’s Valentine’s Day at Alice Academy. The boys don’t care much for the holiday, to put it lightly, but the girls are all in a frenzy. Mikan is very excited about the fun romantic holiday--so strange, since she usually seems uncomfortable about romance. She asks a few of the usual suspects for their perspectives on the holiday: Tsubasa complains that it’s hellish for popular boys like him, Narumi diplomatically suggests that some girls take the event too far, and the girls are busy making love potions and possibly even poisons to give to their crushes. Mikan only gets more pumped the more she hears.

Mochi points out “You’re not interested in Valentine’s; you just wanna make weird chocolate.” Which is a great point! Mikan seems way more fixated on the chocolate aspect than on the love part. She is determined to make happiness chocolate, so she isn’t even interested in making a prank or torture chocolate like some of the other girls.

Koko and Kitsu ask a great question: who is Mikan even planning on giving her chocolate to? It’s all well and good to want to make chocolate, but the point of Valentine’s Day is to give the chocolate to the person you like, so who does Mikan like? Is it Natsume? Or Ruka?

Don't ask her hard questions! She doesn't want to think about it!

Mikan evasively says she’ll give chocolate to a whole bunch of people. She’s bad at romance. She’s been in denial for a very long time and will continue to be in denial. Romance is not her focus today.

Her thoughts seem to focus on Ruka for now, who she is still nervous to be around because of the whole alice stone thing. She doesn’t know what to think anymore or how to act around him after finding out the true meaning of the stone exchange. Does Ruka like her? Is she supposed to like him back? Are they technically together now even if she didn’t know it? Did he know all along? It’s easy to get swept away in anxiety when faced with an awkward situation such as this one.

The day finally rolls around and Mikan is ready to give away her little baggies of chocolate infused with happiness extract (which are no doubt disgusting, because Mikan made them), but the classroom is deserted: the boys are on the run and the girls are on the prowl. So she decides to sit down and list out who to give her chocolate to (again, all the usual suspects, but Natsume is there too, which is lovely for us). 

The list is a lot longer in the TokyoPop version, including Hotaru, Narumi, Jii-chan, Iinchou, and Kaname as well.

Ruka walks in, with bunny ears on his head as a result of an insidious run in with chocolate. They hide together in the classroom, under a desk. They’re both awkward and uncomfortable because they haven’t really spoken since the alice stone practice. I know Mikan blushes a lot in this chapter, but I always took that to be her feeling uncomfortable and wanting desperately to diffuse the tension. She slams a baggy of chocolate in his face and then feels instantly embarrassed, causing her to flush even more. 

She doesn’t know how to approach the topic, how to ask him about his intentions. The signs are all there that Ruka likes her: he kissed her on the cheek at Christmas, held her hand in the dark, and now he might have even asked her out/proposed to her! It’s awkward because this discussion of romance with a friend is never a light one. She does not understand her own feelings and has no idea what she would even say. 

So she changes the subject with her chocolate and asks him to be the first to accept them. It’s partially because he’s the first person on her list that she’s actually run into today, but also because this is her way of offering an olive branch, of closing the gap of discomfort that has grown between them since the alice stone practice.

She’s embarrassed to have been so bold, but Ruka is instantly relieved. He thought she didn’t want to talk to him anymore, that she’d been avoiding him. But she is offering him chocolate, which must mean she isn’t upset with him. It’s wonderful, because Ruka doesn’t really expect anything from Mikan, not to carry through with her alice stone promise or that her chocolate is anything but a present from a friend. He’s just happy that the ice has melted. They can go back to talking again. 

Her shoving the chocolate in his face is so funny...

I know that I said in part 1 that I wouldn’t be exploring other Mikan ships beyond what they mean for her character or in relation to her bond with Natsume, but I will say that I have a bias of loving Ruka and Mikan platonically. Because of this, it’s hard for me to view Mikan’s feelings for him as anything other than platonic. That being said, I sometimes feel like viewing them as a friendship elevates my appreciation for scenes like this more.

I believe that Mikan loves Ruka, albeit as a friend, and this tension between them sucks because she cares about him and doesn’t want to risk losing him. If he knew about the alice stone tradition when they made the promise to exchange, then that means he has romantic feelings for her and if she doesn’t feel the same way, then things might get messy. What if their friendship doesn’t survive? This scene is important because we can see that Ruka had the same anxiety, that this difficult conversation might result in too much discomfort for their bond to persevere. But in the end, they choose each other over the awkwardness. 

Ruka doesn’t need reciprocity of his romantic feelings; he just doesn’t want Mikan to avoid him. He wants Mikan in his life, whatever way she's comfortable with. And Mikan, who is usually very good at ignoring romance anyway, doesn’t need to hash out all the details right away. It’s enough for them both to just get back to normal. We saw this to an extent when Ruka and Natsume both held her hand when they were stuck in the dark hallway. Mikan had been uncomfortable then, not just because of the kisses, but because the boys were acting weird too. It felt like she had to make a decision, or like things would be strange between all three of them forever. As soon as they started laughing and getting along again, she felt better, even though the romantic angle had never been resolved. Similarly, right now Mikan doesn’t need Ruka to give her answers so much as she just wants things to be normal.

Is this a healthy perspective? Not necessarily. Sometimes hard, uncomfortable discussions need to be had in order to move forward in a meaningful way. But Mikan is a child. She can’t be healthy all the time.

In any case, Ruka runs off and Mikan freaks out about how emotional it can be to give out chocolates--though she concedes it was probably only such a big deal because it was Ruka. Giving chocolates to someone she wasn’t conflicted about likely wouldn’t be as much of an ordeal. Even giving them to Ruka before this debacle would have been easier than now.

She eventually runs into her senpais (Tono, Tsubasa, and Megane), all of whom are victims of malicious chocolate. A whole ridiculous event transpires, with all of them running from vicious girls until they run into Natsume and Ruka and then poor Natsume ends up swallowing a love potion chocolate and “falls in love” with Tsubasa for a moment.

I’m just mentioning this now because Mikan doesn’t seem too jealous! I can only speculate, but that’s okay. I think she has an understanding that Natsume is afflicted by pheromones and therefore, there’s no real reason to be jealous. That contrasts with the prior instances of jealousy (the culture fest afterparty and the rumors that Natsume had kissed lots of girls before) and with the future instance (Luna). Previously, the “other person” or people were all abstract. Natsume might dance with every girl but her (a mysterious number of people) and it feels like a slight, partially because he’s singling her out and partially because she actually wants him to dance with her. Or maybe Natsume kissed lots of girls before her (a mysteriously alluded to history) and that means that something that Mikan had wanted to be special was something insignificant to him (and also that she doesn't like imagining him kissing other girls). 

But Mikan knows Natsume and Tsubasa. Tsubasa is not abstract. Natsume does not and cannot really like Tsubasa. It’s also very ridiculous, so I can’t really imagine anyone getting jealous.

Then again! Mikan doesn’t laugh or seem pleased! I don’t know! That’s just my thoughts on the situation.

I don't know. Maybe this is jealousy?

Anyway, Mikan mopes since her Valentine’s Day wasn’t really all that great. She hasn’t managed to pass out her chocolates to the people on her list other than Megane and Ruka, and now all her candies are squished. But she runs into Narumi, who happily accepts the chocolate and remarks that the happiness extract worked, because he now feels much better. This was all Mikan had wanted to hear all day--that her chocolates helped make someone feel happy. 

She notices a mark on his hand--and we’ll get deeper into that later. For now, Narumi just dismisses it as a bruise, though Mikan is sure she’s seen it before. 

Conclusion

Mikan has had some big days regarding alice stones and chocolates. Romance is not easy. But this information we learned about alice stones will come back later, so keep it in mind!

I'll continue discussing the rest of the transition arc tomorrow. This ended up being way too long, sadly, and I'm tired and have other things to do since it's such a busy day for me. The last half of the transition arc has a little less NatsuMikan in it, and it was less fun for me to analyze for a few reasons, so I'll try to post it quick so we can move on to the Sports Fest!

Anyway, I'm roughly 90 chapters ahead of posting and I'm close to finishing the essay. I'm aiming to finish it this week, though I can't post next weekend because I'll be out of town. Since I'm so far ahead and since I'm close to done, I'll continue posting on a regular basis. We're not even half-way done, posting wise though! Let's see how many more parts we have to go!

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[otterloreart]

I am going to use this opportunity to infodump about my ideal g4 pony, but please know i mean this respectfully and im not just trying to be contrary, but this post comes back every once in a while and I've wanted to add to it for a while, especially since I've gotten more g4 toys myself

The funko pop vinyl MLP figures are accurate on a technical level... from a specific perspective, in their display poses and from their display direction.

They can't be show accurate in 3D because the animation of MLP:FIM breaks the rules of perspective a ton, especially in the face. They are "fake it til you make it"-ing the 3D perspective by making it look nice from one angle- which is my problem with like 75% of the original line of MLP:FIM toys anyways.

...and in addition to not having any poes, in my opinion most of their expressions look very blank. (maybe thats just because i hate the funko brand so much tho lol)

I really dislike the very literal interpretation of the MLP:fim style. It's best exemplified by this pinkie pie funko:

ive heard a lot of people give the original blind bag pinkie pie shit for looking "not show accurate" but to me, this is at least an actual interpretation of curly hair, not balloons:

Personally, I prefer to aim for a toy that doesn't follow a super literal interpretation of the show and because I'm more fond of the older sculpts I am interested in sculpting more detail into them, not less.

That's why I gave Twilight a more pronounced chin/separation between the chin and muzzle, a slightly larger body, and indents for the eyes-

IIRC none of the toys I could find even had indents for the eyes, which like, to me is just a sign of lazy manufacturing. If you don't have eye indents you don't have to line up the eye screening (which is why my Candace toy has messed up eyes... sigh)

Some of the later toys actually did get slightly larger muzzles and more dynamic poses, which I would have preferred, but I think their eyes look way too goofy on their perfectly round faces:

I do think the average Tempest looks better because of her large, more sculpted muzzle; I also generally prefer the Princesses because they have more detail too!

The pose in g1 MLP terms just refers to the mold, and I am particularly fond of them because the pose gave each pony more personality rather than just standing there:

(Mimic Pose, which is what i based this Twilight off of)

I never liked the g4 poseable figures because I think their... "shoulder" and "knee" joints look way too wrong. On any other horse toy you can see why: that "shoulder" joint is technically two joints, the shoulder and elbow, while the middle one is the wrist.

Lauren faust is very good at adapting horse anatomy to a cartoon, its just the top of the shoulder doesn't appear in most 2D visuals- like in the original My Little Ponies, it blends in with the body

but the toy designer appears to have looked at the 2D visuals instead of considering how a horse looks, which to me produces. extremely ugly ponies. just my opinion, as someone who looks at too many horses, and horse toys. the animation and the 2D style can break the rules of physics, but breaking it too often leaves the result a jumbled mess.

now, is it presumptuous for me, a person who has been 3D modeling for a scant 2 years and has no professional experience or formal education to speak of, to say i think that a massive company full of talented designers did a poor job at interpreting this childrens toy? hm.

well in retrospect I would change the hoof and face to look more like the above (with the spiral horn, its just late and i dont feel like fixing it), and i would have the hair styled straight but i still think mines better

nobody tell my twilight sparkles, they'll feel worse than they already do.

My dream gen4 my little pony toy

The discourse has long since passed on this since MLP Gen 4 has been out for years, and now they have the g5 toys which are even worse, but anyways.

I think its a real shame they didn't make the g4 pony toys have like... any poses.

Lauren Faust has such a dynamic artstyle and I understand how it was hard to make into 3D but I refuse to believe this was the best they could do:

When theyre posed they have ugly little tube legs and no elbow. I think lauren fausts artstyle works with horses because she actually tool the time to look at horse anatomy and make it unique and stylized but these look so bad and not even very dynamic when they do do the poses but usually they dont do any poses at all.

[mdhwrites]

You know I noticed a detail that made me think why l/umity lost it's spark, but metaphorically so to speak about their color themes.

Luz is purple, Amity was a dilemma because of her track color but everyone kind of agreed with green, purple and green are opposites which fit their dynamic. However you can notice the pallets of purple and pink forced on Amity later, the groom dress and her grudgby uniform. (Not sure if real but there were some official concepts about her originally having a green tuxedo for groom instead of a pink dress and tbh they should've kept that, you can tell the colors were off-putting with the dress)

Green with pink it's a bit chaotic on it's own and it quite reflects on Amity's drastic changes, but the combination with purple just doesn't work.

Then her theme turned to purple as well and well, purple with purple it's boring. You don't even know what heart emoji colors to use for them anymore when in s1 it used to be like this 💜💚, some people resulted to this 🤎💜 but again not working

.

I guess this is why I was so pissed when they started treating anything green related as Odalia's bad influence (which was stupid). And it's like a slap in the face to the fans who were invested in Amity's green era. So what? Me preferring her green hair makes me a supporter of Odalia's abuse now? What about these stylish fanarts of her pulling the green hair with different outfits and styles?

.

Originally I thought she dyed it to impress or get her mom's attention, when Odalia was thought to be a strict perfectionist parent not the dumbster fire of a character they turned her out to be. The point is that it was on Amity's own acord, not mom's. Thrown outta window I suppose.

But in that case I would've preferred Amity growing her natural hair in time as a reference to her becoming her own person, meanwhile having Luz go through a development of her own to change her color theme so they have another contrasting that works. It's kind of hard to imagine Amity in anything other than purple now from her spell circle to her abomination, not to mention her room (heck everything's purple)

In The Power of Love, I actually made it that when Amity was young, the two figured out her hairstyle and dyed it both as a bonding moment and just because yes, Odalia is a bit obsessive. The style was Amity's choice though and she liked how it made her mom feel. You know, because families don't have to be terrible all the time. As far as the color theory stuff goes, it feels more like Luz's color should have been something besides purple more than Amity needing to stay green. That it either wasn't thought out... Or seen as a positive. Because it is in line with the rest of Amity's character and even the haircut she has right after dying her hair: She is just in line with Luz. Everything about Amity in S2 is about falling into line with Luz. Has daddy issues? So does Luz! Doesn't like the coven system all of a sudden? So does Luz! Have short, slightly messy hair? So does Luz! This actually caused a period of time before Amity got her long hair when black and white fanarts would make me pause to figure out who was Amity and who was Luz because they looked so similar. And GOD FORBID they both be in their school uniforms because then you were just screwed back then. It is all part of the girlfriend-ification of Amity where her priorities and very identity are focused entirely on Luz. It's probably also why people don't seem to do NEARLY as much with her now because, much like losing the contrast in color theory, she lost all flavor and the like. Lost what made her unique. Her methods, morals, priorities, etc. just became the same as everyone else's: Whatever Luz needs. It is EXTREMELY boring from a narrative standpoint and part of why the arcs in TOH frustrate me so much. You start with an interesting character and then replace them with a bland, template character that fills a role around Luz. Her surrogate mom in Eda, her girlfriend in Amity, her... Lancer? Kind of? In Hunter, her big strong girl with Willow and her smart guy in Gus. Except to even define them this much is awkward because the show doesn't really care about what jokes or the like they're doing with certain characters when outside of shipping moments. This is where you get high society Amity being the biggest clutz on the planet in S3 Ep. 1. It's all frustrating and it's even more infuriating that you're right: Looking Glass Ruins is when this started in full force with Amity changing her hair to not only match Luz in style but also match closer to Luz's normal colors. And it would only honestly go downhill from there with the very slight exception of Eclipse Lake. And even then... That's the last time we'd see Amity actually have that sort of drive... And it's only because of Luz. And that kind of sucks when she used to be so much more a distinct person with her own goals and desires. Instead... She's a lesbian defined mostly by her interest in another girl. I thought that was normally something that annoyed people. Edit: Just to add: I still like Amity's S1 haircut the most. It's the most distinct visually, is actually a unique design besides 'long hair' or 'short hair with a dye job that went unfinished apparently' and it's just a very cute look in my opinion.

[sibyl-of-space]

GUESS WHAT!!!! I BOUGHT A MICROPHONE TODAY!!!

“Leo, why in the fuck did you buy an SM58 microphone if you are a cellist?”

Because no one else was doing it and because SM58′s are cool. Details below readmore.

(The SM58 is THE microphone for live stage performance, they are ubiquitous and they are magical microphones that can be run over by a truck and work fine, and they look like this:)

Now, as someone who took cello lessons for about 10 years and has somewhat of a classical background, and then spent the NEXT 10 years going “yolo swag 420 blaze it” and doing weird shit, I am now what I like to call a grunge cellist. I like the textures of bow scrapes on strings and shit. I don’t want to sound like a London Symphony sample library, I want to sound like a weirdo playing live and capturing a unique sound. I don’t want my recordings to sound like what an audience hears; I want it to sound like what *I* hear. I also like recording all sorts of weird shit as audio sources to manipulate/synthesize/etc etc etc.

As such, it was less important to me to buy a microphone that is Perfect for Beautiful Cello Covers That Sound Professional, and more important to buy a microphone that would be fun to work with.

Besides, I love recording other musicians and running my own recording sessions. What recording engineer would I be if I didn’t even own an SM58?!

So, I own an SM58 now. I was really curious how it would work for cello. Unsurprisingly I did not get a lot of results when I looked up “SM58 microphone cello” because, unsurprisingly, most cellists do not use an SM58 for their microphone. So I decided to be the change I want to see, and try it out.

This recording is a suuuuper close-mic setup (the microphone is like 5 inches away from the f-hole); dynamic mics respond to loud sounds, so it really had to be right up there. Thanks to the proximity effect, there is a huge discrepancy in loudness between the lows and highs, and there was a pretty uncomfortable buildup around 200hz that I had to take down with EQ. (I also rolled off the low end under ~50.) Other than that minor EQ adjustment, this sound is COMPLETELY unedited. It is the sound of a microphone sitting on a chair in front of me and pumped through my interface into a DAW while I dicked around with extremely rusty fingers that haven’t practiced in months.

SO! What do I think? I’LL TELL YOU WHAT I THINK!! THIS WAS AN AWESOME PURCHASE!!! I LOVE IT!!! This thing has so much more personality than my boring old condenser. I’m obsessed.

My ideal setup is actually going to be this mic right up close and a condenser a little farther back (probably with a HPF since I really don’t need to double the low stuff, this mic covers the low stuff quite well). Might have some phasing issues but I think the overall sound will be really nice with this as the main body but just a LIIITLE bit of room and detail brought back in from another mic. I’ll definitely post more tests once I have that setup figured out, too!

Final thoughts/Disclaimers:

* As I said, close micing like this on a cello gives you a pretty extreme buildup on the lows, for my cello there was a biggie at around 200Hz. You are going to want to EQ that shit. Also, if you don’t close mic, it sounds kind of pathetic. There’s no reason to use a SM58 if you aren’t going to close mic with it tbqh

* Many “professional” string recordings prefer a farther microphone that also captures reverberation from the room, which requires a nice-sounding room as well as an even frequency response, but can sound incredible. This is none of those things. But the benefit is you can’t hear the room AT ALL on this baby, it only captures what’s right in front of it.

* The mic is not very sensitive to high frequencies, this has the effect of somewhat LPF-ing the recording without you doing anything. I think its frequency response sounds kind of nice, honestly. But if you are capturing lots of high frequency details maaaaaaybe this is not the setup for you.

* Because it responds so, well, dynamically to loudness, you really do need to play at like mezzo-forte+ for it to do its stuff. If you are doing a lot of delicate piannissimos this is not the mic for you. Also, the low frequencies punch more than the highs, so you need to play it out more on the A/D strings to get them to speak as well as the G/C strings.

[rollflasher]

Another Sonic ramble

So once again I’m here with one of my rambles about my incredibly subjective view of how the Sonic series should be handled! *Beat*

...anyway.

So, one of the more recurring opinions on the fandom is that Sonic games should be written by Ian Flynn, I have talked before about the gripes I have with his writing and why I disagree with this but this post is not entirely about him, but rather a more general topic that has been bugging me for a long time.

The other day I was watching a video speculating about the upcoming Sonic Rangers, there’s not much to write home since it was pretty well made but there’s a particular part that inspired me to do this post and talk about it with other fans to discuss it.

See, at one point the video critisized the fact that Sonic Forces was written by a Japanese writer because they have to re-write the script in English and that can cause problems with localization, and that it would be better to have western writers from the get-go since Sonic’s main demographic comes from there, while making an off-hand suggestion that Ian Flynn could be a main choice. While I can see where they’re coming from, my response was a simple:

‘‘Absolutely, not’‘

See, I have a lot of issues with this to put it bluntly and I’ll try to break them down and explain them the best I can since they’re pretty subjective in nature, but I’m bringing this up because I want you guys to share your thoughts as well.

So, why does it bug me so much the idea of Sonic being handled by western creators?

In my case, the main reasons are because Sonic loses a core part of it’s appeal because of this, the fact that SEGA of Japan seems to have a better grasp of the franchise’s tone and characters and there’s the very subjective point that, in my eyes, American versions of Japanese franchises were always nothing more than dumbed down products of the source material.

To start with my first point, whenever someone talks about Sonic’s creation, a lot of people are quick to point out that our favorite blue hedgehog and his games were inspired by western pop culture and cartoons, and that is true, however oftenly they forget to mention a core thing that not only inspired, but also formed part of the core identity of this franchise.

Sonic is very inspired on anime, and at heart this franchise is a shonen.

(This image by The Great Lange expresses more clearly what I mean)

Generally, the most acknowledgement anime gets on it’s hand on Sonic is the mentions of Sonic being inspired by Dragon Ball, particularly the Super Saiyan, but there’s so much more than that, as Sonic blatantly takes inspiration from Studio Ghibli films specially in games like Sonic 3, which draws a lot of inspiration from Laputa: Castle in the Sky, this great post shows proof that this is not a coincidence.

And it doesn’t stop there, Shiro Maekawa himself has stated that SA2′s story (and in particular, the characters of Shadow and Maria) draw a lot of inspiration from the manga Please Save My Earth.

Even Sonic’s character design resembles shonen protagonists moreso than the main characters of silent cartoons, don’t believe me?

Sure, Sonic has a cartoony anatomy, no one can deny that, but he also exhibits a lot of traits from shonen characters such as spiky hair/quills (?), dynamic posing, a confident, courageous and energetic personality and most importantly, fighting spirit.

If you compare Sonic’s personality and more specifically, his abilities and moves to, say, cartoon speedy characters like the Road Runner, there’s a pretty big disconnection between him and western cartoon characters. Hell, this disconnection is even just as present if you compare him with a character like The Flash from DC.

Simply put, Sonic acts, moves and more importantly, fights like a shonen anime character. He doesn’t just go Super Saiyan and that’s it. Here’s even a quick comparison if necessary.

And this is important because this doesn’t apply just to him, but the whole franchise as a whole and when it takes a more western approach, all of these details are kinda lost or more downplayed, of course this depends on the artists and there’s YMMV at hand, but I think my point is clear.

My second point is...SoJ has consistently proven they have a much clearer grasp on how Sonic’s world and characters are compared to SoA.

Hear me out, yes, Sonic 06 and ShtH exist and yes, SoJ is not perfect by any means. But hear me out...when did the characters start to get flanderized and turned into parodies of themselves? In the 2010s...and when did SEGA move from Japanese to western writers in the games?

Of course it was more then that since there’s a whole tone shift that came with this decade and the new writers, but it’s not a coincidence that when writing in Sonic started to decay, western writers also happened to get on board with the games.

Besides that, SoA has a wide history of not getting Sonic’s tone and characters, from how they made media without much of Sonic Team’s input, to altering how characters are seen in the west. (Such as how they amped up Sonic’s attitude in their media or how the English scripts of the games featured things like Sonic seemingly barely tolerating Amy while the JP scripts portrayed this as Sonic just not understanding girls all that well instead, or for more recent examples, the addition of the ‘’torture’’ line in Forces). Not only that, but even ignoring obvious infamous writers like Ken Penders, even the ‘’best’’ writers from the western side of Sonic are still not above of giving us Pontaff-esque gems.

Like this one.

Or alternatively, I feel like sometimes western writers on Sonic rely a bit too much on their personal vision about Sonic which may or may not be a good thing, clear examples of this are Ian Flynn himself and Pontaff.

By contrast, while SoJ has it’s own share of notorious inconsistencies when dealing with writing (The 2000s era is a big offender), it seems that for them Sonic hasn’t changed much and this is visible not only on the JP scripts of the Modern games which are for the most part better than the ENG ones, but also things like the Sonic Channel comics and the recent one-shots they made with Sonic interacting with the cast show that for all intents and purposes, the Japanese’s staff vision of Sonic is much more clear and consistent compared to the west. Because of this, I’d rather have a good Japanese writer on Sonic games with the localization being focused on being faithful with the original script than have a more western writers dramatically changing the characters. (I don’t mention the tone since either way, SEGA is the one in charge of that and the writers have to follow that)

My last and very subjective point is that, at least for me, everything SoA does with Sonic involving the writing and canon feels like a dumbed down version of the source material. One of the reasons it bugs me so much that in the latest decade Sonic has taken a more western direction is because a lot of what I pointed out gets lost as a result, even if some of those elements are still there, you can tell they’re more downplayed with products like the Tyson Hesse shorts having a more predominant cartoon direction. If any of you have been following my blog for a long time, you should be aware that just because I prefer the Japanese Sonic content doesn’t mean I won’t give the western products a chance, my enjoyment for Mania, the Tyson Hesse shorts and the movie should be a testament of that, but at the same time I can’t help but being sour about the fact that because of these products, we don’t have stuff like a new anime for Sonic or even a serialized ‘’main’’ manga as an alternative for the comics, and my hype for these products is generally more subdued as a result since I’d wish SEGA rather spent that money and resources on more Japanese content than just merchandise.

In particular, because Sonic is a Japanese franchise with a notorious inspiration from anime, what I get from this is a pretty big contradiction. I know Sonic is much more popular on the west but...is it really necessary for his game or products to be handled by western creators to keep their appeal?

For instance, imagine if Dragon Ball’s manga and anime got replaced by western comics and animated series because of it’s world-wide appeal, would that really be the same?

Or imagine the same thing with Fullmetal Alchemist, a pretty aclaimed anime that has a lot of western influence. Would it really not matter at all if it’s Japanese products were replaced with western ones?

At least for me, it wouldn’t.

And what I said about American versions of Japanese franchises being nothing more than watered down versions of the source material? I have that view because of countless examples.

Mega Man and how the English manuals removed a lot of important information about the story of the Blue Bomber’s game and world, causing a lot of plot holes in the process.

American remakes like Godzilla 1998 or Dragon Ball Evolution being an in-name only version of the source material.

Or the many censored anime English dubs from the 2000s, for instance, whenever I see the Yu-Gi-Oh! dubs, I only see a very dumbed down and childish version of a show that was originally a shonen.

And I know that all of these things don’t have to necessarely get lost since every creator is different and there’s franchises like Avatar which are made on the west but draw a lot of inspiration from anime and I’m aware of that, and I want to make it clear that I’m not trying to say that American writers are not allowed to work on Sonic, what I’m trying to say is that inevitably there’s always gonna be some culture dissonance and clash when writers from another culture handle a foreign franchise. And even with examples like ATLA, I think being made by one culture while being inspired by the other is actually a big part of these franchises appeal and it’s something that can’t simply be replicated by handing it to creators from that specific culture they draw inspiration from.

I think James Rolfe’s quote about the same thing with the Godzilla franchise sums up how I feel about this.

‘‘It’s like champagne, anybody can make their own and call it champagne, but unless it’s from Champagne France, it’s not real champagne’‘

So, this last part was very subjective, but I think this post in general sums up why I dislike so much the idea of Sonic having western writers specifically in the games or just focusing more on that side in general.

But what do you guys think? I guess I am too biased so that’s why I wanted to ask for opinions and discuss this topic.

[tundrainafrica]

Title: A Tale of Two Slaves (10/17)

Summary:  “Soulmates don’t exist. Fate doesn’t exist. Everything is a choice.” At that moment, Levi could only watch as she made the choice for him.“

Reincarnation AU. Levi remembers everything from their past life. Hange doesn’t.

Note: This took a while. I had this written out for a while, I just spent a good amount of brain cells trying to figure out where to cut this. It’s almost done actually. I’m expecting like (at the most) 5 more chapters so maybe I can get it done by the end of March if I muster up the courage and the effort to do all the final revisions to the last few chapters.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy!

Other Chapters:1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Link to cross-postings: AO3

As Levi soon found out, Hange kept a folder online tagged ‘Levi Ackerman.’

The oldest pictures were dated more than three years ago and the first had been one of his cool down after his performance at his first tournament. There was variety in the pictures and they covered everything, all the way from warming up on the bench, positioning himself to run and those few moments right after launching himself in the air to the peak of his jump. She had even snuck pictures of his interviews.

The first time he opened it, he had first checked the dates to make sure he hadn’t been dreaming or assuming she of all people had been a fan. The weirdly strong emotions he had felt at the realization of the existence of such a folder had only made him all the more vulnerable and the last thing he had wanted to do was an act on an illusion or trick of the mind.

The experiences he had on the field clearing jump after jump had become routine over the five year period. Despite the changes among the faces in the crowd, the cheers that had only been getting louder and louder and of course, the oval that changed with the venue, sometimes the only thing Levi did remember was the blue sky staring him down and gravity pulling from behind.

Maybe that was why he had ended up in a state of disbelief the first time she had shown it to him.

How did you not notice her? Levi was sure he wouldn’t have anyway. She was a stranger, one stranger in a crowd of people. Although she may have been one unchanging face in a crowd of thousands of changing faces, she was still a stranger to him. And strangers just tended to blend in more easily.

A valid point. Yet the regret and frustration were still fresh inside him despite it having been weeks since she first gave him access to that folder

She had first showed it to him the morning after that eventful night, after having dealt with a hungover Nanaba. It was only in the evening that day after Hange had escorted her three friends to the station did she sit next to him on the bed and scroll through the pictures herself with Levi right beside her. Naturally, she was still hesitant to show that side of her, she scrolled a bit too slow at times, while a bit too fast at other times.

For a while their roles were reversed and Levi found himself prodding Hange for more details. Eventually, she did share the link to the folder in exchange for links to his story and Levi was quick to comply. They were both exposed anyway, there was no need for any more secrets between them. Only one condition that had seemed a little too frivolous at first glance, yet somehow Levi understood it.

Hange requested that he go through the pictures when she wasn’t around. And soon after she requested it, Levi realized he preferred that too. Despite the fact that he did trust her not to judge whatever she may find on the folders, there still existed an uneasiness at baring one’s heart out to someone in words one couldn’t control anymore having written the stories out too long ago.

Consequently, he requested the same thing from her. Do not read it while I’m around. When he told her the stories, he at least had control of his tones, his diction and the packaging of the overall story. Watching her read them, he knew he would find himself doubting the words he had written while at the same time vacillating between decisions to correct his previous writings or let her read. The constant self consciousness that came with the second option had just been too stressful of a prospect. He decided himself, he would rather have full control of the exposition or none at all.

The decision to have no control and no input, to be absent when he bares his heart out was not easy to make. And he continued to feel the traces of that struggle in the way he so easily lost focus and ended up mindlessly scrolling through the folder. His mind had shifted to other things more specifically the prospect of whether or not Hange was doing the same thing then and there.

She was only a phone call away. He could ask. But it had just seemed idiotic. Of course she wouldn’t be checking on it, she had been cramming for an exam that morning in between preparing for her mid semester thesis presentation. She hadn’t even bothered to say any greeting but an ‘I’ll follow’ before he left for the therapist that morning.

He looked through the messages in the waiting room, and up at the time displayed on the upper right part of the screen.

9:43. She was still in the middle of her exam. She won’t be checking on it.

Levi looked at the ceiling above him, allowing the plain white view above him to ease him back to his reality. How long had he been staring at the phone? He closely felt for the aches and discomforts around his body. The dull soreness that made itself known as he stared up at the white ceiling above him only served as a reminder that he had been a little too exposed to quick scrolls and the unnatural glare of his phone for a potentially unhealthy amount of time.

It was his first physical therapy session and Hange had pointed out that he should be early just in case. Consequently, he had shown up at 8:30 for a session at ten.

Just in case you get lost. Just in case there is paperwork which still needs to be filled. Hange would have done the paperwork already. He had ended up clocking that little doubt and that need for a little prophylactic thinking to caution on their end. First times tended to make people a little more cautious. And more importantly, what else was there to do on a Saturday morning other than sleep in?

Either way, that long wait had left him with eyes a little too tired yet at the same time, he was bored out of his wits. He looked around the waiting room finding something else to entertain himself with.

I only have seventeen more minutes to kill. It shouldn’t be too hard.

The atmosphere of the waiting room was nothing like getting lost in nature or on the road. It was stark white, bleak and a little too rehearsed. In other words, it lacked dynamic and consequently. it was too boring to find any amusement in. Of course, they wouldn’t want to stress out any patients with anything too fancy or overwhelming. Yet, the only thing which Levi could have found worth giving more than a passing thought to were the people around him.

And only when Levi started focusing instead on the people and not on the off-white plastered walls of the waiting room, he somehow was able to distract himself from the dragging motions of time.

There was an old man with a knee brace. A middle aged man with an arm in a sling and a girl with a casted right leg. There were others who could have passed up for nothing more than a visitor, until they stood up and Levi noticed in their gait the slight hesitancy to put one foot in front of the other. A small detail which Levi probably wouldn’t have noticed if he weren’t looking for it then.

As he preoccupied himself and reflected over the small details that could have told stories of the people around him, that natural reflection to one own’s self had him a little too focused, a little too fixated.

The door to the waiting room slammed behind him and the trance disappeared as quickly as it came and as silently as a bubble that had just been popped.

Levi found himself irritably following the sound of the footsteps that came right after the slam of the door. It reverberated across the quiet and tense room, so loudly that if Levi did look around him, he would have realized he wasn’t the only one who had been so abruptly disturbed by it.

“Aaaand... My rounds are over for today,” The man said looking not at all guilty for that rude awakening. He wouldn’t have known anyway, and as Levi looked towards the front where the man had settled by the nurse’s desk, he might just have been the only one in the room rudely awakened by that sound.

“Ah, Doctor Jaeger, That was quick,” the nurse commented a little too pleasantly for Levi’s taste.

“Not too busy of a morning.” The man said, or as Levi soon deduced, was Mr. Jaeger. He recognized that irritating voice and as he looked up at the man, taking in the gruff features, the blond hair and beard and the rounded glasses, he quickly grasped for the name.

Zeke Jaeger. He hadn’t even said the name out loud just yet, but somehow he tasted venom. Levi though had enough awareness of his surroundings and his own ability to quickly yet correctly guess names to have kept silent. Regardless, he continued to watch as Zeke lowered his voice, possibly whispering something about going out for a drink and some dinner with the nurse in front of him. He found himself silently judging that audacious invasion of privacy as Zeke looked over at whatever paper was on the teacher’s desk.

Ackerman?

If Levi had actually been a little more aware of his surroundings, he would have realized Zeke did not at all say the name loud enough for him to hear. It was the result of Levi having watched too closely as Zeke enunciated those syllables, having noticed as the nurse made eye contact with him and having heard peppers of conversations about a jumper and an injury.

“Oh… An Ackerman? Who does high jumps?.” Zeke confirmed it himself, as he once again spoke a few decibels louder, obviously with the intention of making himself heard.

It wasn’t anything new. The past few months, Levi started to realize that at the least, many people in the local scene were familiar with him.

“My brother’s best friend is an Ackerman too and she started jumping recently.”

“I don’t have any relatives who jump,” Levi answered, in an attempt to shoot that attempt of a friendly interaction down.

Zeke stared at him, looking surprised. “You sure? With how quickly she picked it up, I thought she should have been related to you.”

Levi kept silent, making no effort to look open at all to conversation. Somehow, Zeke didn’t seem to get the hint.

“She’s been sweeping their interhigh competitions since the start of autumn… With the pace at which she’s going, she might even replace you.”

Levi had gotten used to those types of comments, hearing them as whispers the few times he went out, seeing them on a few forums as people discussed his injuries. He shouldn’t have been at all bothered by the statement, having shifted his attention in life to things which weren’t jumping

The blond man in front of him had been crass and blunt and Levi was starting to feel the beginnings of a bad mood. The irritability only worsened even as Levi tuned out the blond doctor. His mind went elsewhere, as he instead decided to seethe silently at the insensitivity of that statement.

                                  A Tale of Two Slaves

Eventually Levi did get a break from that one-sided conversation. But the countdown to that break was slow and painful. He only noticed as he struggled under the trappings of that long and excruciating wait how long it really took for minutes to count down on a digital clock.

An eternity could have passed before Levi was called from the waiting room. As soon as the clock struck ten, Levi could not help but be more than slightly annoyed that she had been late.

If you’re early then you’re on time. If you’re on time, then you’re late. Any other day, Levi would have acknowledged the hypocrisy of that statement since although he was always early to training, he was never that religious when it came to academics. Having just bounced back from such an excruciating exchange with Zeke though, everything had just been pissing him off more than necessary.

It was almost remarkable how he managed to nod in return at the woman who met him at the exit of the waiting room. But Levi soon realized, as the anger quickly dissipated from inside him, she seemed like an old friend more than a stranger and like for all people, as long as there was history between them, he could save a little more patience points.

The woman who helped him up and led him to the room ahead was shorter than him yet had a way of handling herself that made Levi guess that she was at the least, a university student.

Levi didn’t need to guess anything else. Somehow, her name, her personality and the familiarity had all been somewhere in his head.

She cocked her head to one side in greeting and spoke up. “You can call me---”

“Petra,” Levi said. Somehow, he just knew her name. He had been inclined to complete that statement, only to make more real the nagging feeling in his head as soon as he had noticed her enter the room.

Petra’s eyes widened in shock. “Yes, how did you know?”

“It’s on your nametag,” Levi answered almost automatically, thanking the heavens she was wearing a nametag.

“Yeah, my bad. I get a little absent minded at times,” Petra patted her own head and gave Levi a wry smile.

Petra was hospitable. And when Levi thought that exact statement, he couldn't help but think how the word 'hospitable' had fit her so well. It was in her presence. She had this special talent, of finding ways at least to add color to the stark white hospital walls and the overly sanitized tiled floors underneath.

It could have been the tone or it could have been her word choice as she rattled off what could have been an outline of his physical therapy regime. As Levi did figure out, it could possibly have been the unique enthusiasm she had towards the whole patient recovery process

"So you're my physical therapist?" Levi asked. He never really did pick up what she was saying. He had heard enough about leg raises, timings on when to remove casts and knee bends that he at least guessed she knew enough about them to be one.

Petra though was quick to shake her head. "No actually. After college, I have plans of taking the exam. Then after that, I’ll be a physical therapist. I’m just taking advantage of this internship to learn more about the occupation.”

“It suits you,” Levi said. He kept his own comments brief. At that point, he did start to lose a little bit of awareness of his surroundings. His thoughts flew slowly back to his dreams.

Those first two encounters in the hospital had been two missing puzzle pieces. The stories had been an incomplete puzzle set of words and pictures and as he put it all together in his head, he couldn’t help but note how vivid the memories actually were. It took all his strength not to react, not to bolt out then and there, and go back home, to fill in the gaps on his laptop.

He put two names on his phone.

Zeke Jaeger. Petra Ral. Levi could have sworn there was more to remember and to write about.

And who did Zeke mention then? The other Ackerman? The other jumper?

The dreams were faint, as faint as the image an incomplete puzzle would make. Some parts were clear and vivid like a scenery behind a newly cleaned window. Others were hazy, his mind having filled up those gaps with blurry images. But the other Ackerman was there, and she moved fast enough to justify those blurs in the scene. Back when they fought the war, she flew in those cables much faster than he and Hange had.

I am strong. I am stronger than all of you.

                                       A Tale of Two Slaves

The pain that came with his first physical therapy session was excruciating and it only served to further aggravate the anguish and his eagerness to get home before the sceneries in his head faded into faint memories of something else.

He managed at least to keep himself in a good in-between, by repeating the mantra of that other Ackerman to himself as he went through each and every exercise.

They had started off slow, as slow as a walk in the park maybe, a few stretches here and there. While doing some of the stretches and the warm ups, he did wonder if he had attended the right therapy session. Some of the warm up exercises had nothing to do with his knee after all.

The actual challenge came when Petra and the physical therapist he had failed to get the name of, had him sit down. As soon as Petra unwrapped the brace and pulled it from underneath him, Levi felt the weight of his injury almost instantly. It didn’t help at all that he was looking right at it.

“We’re going to try bending it a bit. Maybe put some weight on it if we have some extra time” The physical therapist’s words felt ominous.

The surgical scars and the healed wounds on his knees from more than two months ago only served to rattle Levi a little more. He had avoided looking at the scars many times before during meetings with Erwin and Hange. The few times Hange did pull and prod at it, he had it stretched out on some pillow.

It was fragile. And it felt unnatural. There in front of him then, it was dangling from the exam table, gravity pulling it down from underneath. Levi swore that if he tried hard enough he probably could imagine it completely disconnecting from his body at that moment. And maybe if he did move it, attempt to stand up without the confines of a knee brace as support, it might just fall off.

“Hey, it happens to the best of us,” Petra said.

No, it doesn’t happen to the best of us. In the room at least, there were at least five other people struggling to do something so simple as to bend a knee. But Levi could have sworn, in the outside world he was surrounded by people who wouldn’t think twice about bending their knee.

“Just bend it as far as you feel comfortable.” Bullshit directions. Levi had to admit, he wasn’t comfortable having it bend at all. Just the sensation of having it dangle so easily in the air, at the mercy of gravity underneath was already unsettling.

Was it a challenge then? To get it to bend as far as he could?

The directions of the therapist were flawed and Levi naturally opted for a flawed response as well. The process of bending his knee had been slow and excruciating. Levi found himself closing his eyes a few times, finding some sort of a rhythm in the faint sounds of the heater in the room, the murmurs from all the way across the room.

Or maybe a mantra? From someone a little too familiar. I am strong. Stronger than all of you. Another Ackerman.

And the way Zeke had mentioned it was grating. Was it a challenge? A threat? Was it supposed to be pushing him to go further?

It could have been Zeke or it could have been that phantom Ackerman that had been a motivation at that moment. But something then had Levi’s heart racing, his mind going in circles.

I’m strong too. I’ll get out of this rut. He thought to himself, a weak yet still effective act of protest. It worked both as a catalyst for a burst of motivation and an odd source of rhythm. The flexibility of bending came in slow, steady but continued attempts. The rush of adrenaline came halfway through.

A few minutes later, he was sweating and maybe he had been shaking a bit before that. When Petra had mentioned the optimistic progress and the plan to at least attempt to put weight on his bum knee, Levi was quick to comply.

And maybe a little too reckless. They had least helped him next to a wall, a good place at least to lean his body in the off chance he did lose control.

“One foot forward then one back.” The therapist guided.

As he watched the therapist simulate that same position, Levi quickly followed suit. He remembered, he had put some weight on his leg. Back then the brace had kept his knee stable.

At that moment, the brace was off, and it would be his bum knee, exhausted from the prior exercises taking the full weight.

I’m strong. Levi repeated to himself. Bending wasn’t an issue before. He had been bending his knees, possibly before he even knew how to walk. It should have been nothing, The excitement of a while ago, the adrenaline rush, pushed him further. It had him so seamlessly balancing the weight from the back of his foot, to the foot in front.

And maybe his knee had been bending farther in, the weight of his body on it. Somewhere along the way he did start to feel the beginnings of a dull pain.

I’m strong. To keep going, Levi had to find an escape. Stronger than all of you. It was easy at least, to leave the movements to his procedural memory as he distracted himself with his own musings, willing himself not to forget what he had wished to write down.

Where did they all fit? The Beast Titan… The Survey Corps… The War… The Alliance?

“Levi, I’m sorry I’m late. The test ended later than I expected…” She came as a faint voice, but Levi was too far gone to hear it.

He had only felt her presence then, when the physical therapist called a break, when he had collapsed on the floor in exhaustion, his knee throbbing, his breaths coming in heaves. He only realized she had been watching for a good long while when he looked up to see the concern etched in her face as he caught her gaze.

“I’m fine…” He at least managed to say that much before he closed his eyes, allowing that few minutes of rest to gather his thoughts and steady his breaths.

“You shouldn’t have pushed yourself too hard. This is just your first session,” Hange said from right next to him.

He still had enough energy to process those words at least.

                               A Tale of Two Slaves

That night, Levi gripped his dream catcher a little tighter and pressed it close to the back of his phone as he scrolled through google links on the other Ackerman.

It hadn’t been hard to find her at all. Zeke’s tirade that morning had been more than a guide enough.

High school. Ackerman. High Jump. Those were the only three keywords he needed to figure out the whole name of that missing Ackerman. For a moment, he had expected to find his own articles, and had braced himself for the pain of sifting through old articles about himself in between looking at hers.

It turned out Mikasa Ackerman had been the talk of the high school high jumping scene for a while, and she had been the topic of at least 90% of the articles he was scrolling through on Google.

A few times they did allude to the other Ackerman. The older articles heralded her as a successor to the rookie Levi Ackerman, the newer ones that were dated past his injury called her the brand new Ackerman, a replacement.

A replacement to damaged goods. Levi had to add that part himself, an attempt to make a joke out of his shitty situation as he closed that last article. “Mikasa Ackerman,” Levi repeated those words so quietly to himself as he dropped the dreamcatcher haphazardly onto the table in front of him. It had been useless at that moment. Or maybe at the least it had been the reason he felt a little too frustrated at having looked through too many articles that evening.

He looked to Hange who was sitting on the dining table, looking deep in thought on something on her laptop. Mid semester presentations for her thesis proposal were coming up, along with a few new exams next week. She had been conscious enough to point that out at least and Levi happily gave her the space she needed.

The turmoil inside him at first seemed difficult to pacify.  Just watching Hange so focused and deep in thought had helped somehow quell whatever unresolved tensions and feelings were settling in his stomach then.

Maybe if he talked to her, the tensions might just disappear altogether. Levi deemed it worth the effort at least. “Hange? You okay?” He asked

Hange’s head shot up and she looked straight at him almost instantly. “Sorry, how long were you calling me? I’ve just been a little too focused on my exam on Monday and the thesis presentations on Wednesday… I don’t think I’ve been in the right mind for a while…”

Levi saw it in the way she looked at him, she hadn’t been focusing on his eyes. It was as if she were still probably seeing whatever words or numbers she was studying. She had been like that the past week since the line up of the thesis presentations were released along with the midterms schedules for all the exams.

Their kiss, their one night in the bedroom almost forgotten. Levi was sure though there was something that had been bothering her, maybe something that extended beyond academics.

I can ask about that after finals. Levi thought to himself, pushing aside that bout of concern. He could start with a light question at least, which didn’t involve Hange too much. “Have you heard of Mikasa Ackerman?”

“Mikasa Ackerman? The high school high jumper?” Hange asked. “Maybe I have been following her too… Lately...”

“She’s really good apparently.”

“Her jumping positions reminded me a lot of yours, so she had been fun to watch. I always did want to ask… Is she related to you? I did some research but I don’t see much which connect you both other than a few articles comparing you as jumpers and maybe speculating a relationship.”

Levi shook his head. “I never heard of her… Until today… A doctor mentioned her back in the hospital before my therapy session.”

“She only started making waves last month when her school made it to the regional competitions. No one really follows the district and the interschools… And apparently she only started jumping recently, during summer and she only started breaking records during the regionals,” Hange said. “That is… According to what I’ve read up on her.”

“So, you have been following her?”

“I still watch videos during study breaks,” Hange admitted. “And she just broke a few records a few weeks ago, of course they’d show up in my feed.”

“And you didn’t feel the need to ask me about it before? About an Ackerman doing the same jumping positions I did? You didn’t want to talk about it?”

“I thought of asking you about it maybe after exams. Besides, do you want to talk about jumping? After everything that happened?”

Levi put his phone down beside him and looked up at the ceiling above him. Of course he wouldn’t have heard of her until then, he had purged himself of all track and field news since the injury. The tournament with Nanaba and Mike and the round of research on Mikasa have been two exceptions and the feelings after that had only reminded him why he had spent his days actively making the effort not to think of the life he used to have. "I told you I'm fine," he said. He half meant that part at least, the writing had helped.

"No you aren't.”

Levi found himself shocked by how certain Hange’s tone had been. And for a second, maybe he had been a little irritated at the audacity of it all. Who was she to assume how he felt? But the surprise and the irritability had him silent and listening. Hange always had a reason for her conclusions. She never made assumptions so easily, he had known her enough lifetimes to be sure of that.

“There's a certain sadness to knowing you can't do what you used to before.” Hange continued. “I think everyone feels it, even a bit."

"A certain... sadness?" Levi asked.

"Wait, that does sound vague... Lemme think of an example." Hange paused for a second, looking up in thought. "Like maybe if you imagine people who’ve been skating or people who've been playing instruments their whole childhood. When they stop training or practicing these things altogether, these people can feel themselves lose their motor skills or their thinking skills that got them jumping double axels or playing arpeggios or pulling off vibratos like they’re second nature. And when they come back to it years later, I’m sure everyone feels the sadness or some sort of a frustration, looking back at their old self and processing the realization that they can’t bring their body or their mind to do something as effortlessly as they had done it many years before. Processing how they ended up so weak, so stupid after abandoning their old passions for so long."

“What if I’m an exception?” Levi challenged, still a little annoyed at such an assumption and at such a long unsettling tirade.

Hange shook her head. “You’re not. For a while, I wanted to entertain the possibility that maybe you and I are exceptions, maybe we can easily jump from one passion to another. When I was watching you during therapy though. I saw the terror in your eyes, the frustration, the sadness. ‘Why isn’t my body moving the same way it used to?’ Maybe you don’t want to think back to jumping because you don’t want to see how quickly your body has forgotten the motions, how quickly it had lost the flexibility and the strength to carry you over the two meter bars…” Hange trailed off. She avoided his gaze and for a while she had been staring at the blank wall in front of her. For a second after that, she did look to him, and there was a glint of realization in that. Realization at what she had just implied possibly. "But you know what, you might just be an exception. Maybe I’m just projecting." Hange added a second later.

Levi was sure though from the quick change of tone that accompanied those last words that Hange probably didn't mean it. On top of that, having heard Hange's small lecture, Levi almost immediately realized he wasn't at all an exception.

Her voice had been light as she mentioned that last sentence. It could have been a thoughtless comment. Hange didn’t make too many thoughtless comments though. “Projecting?” Levi asked.

Hange let out a short light laugh  “I’m talking too much, I should go back to work…” Her words seemed like a band-aid, a lazy coverup for whatever emotions had supported such a tirade in the first place.

Projecting? There was a reason behind that word use and Levi was more than eager to press on it.

Hange wasn’t listening anymore though. She was buried once again in whatever subject she had chosen to study for that night. She was in work mode again and she had gotten back to that mode as quickly as she had fallen out of it.

All questions can wait until after her exam week. Levi told himself. The word ‘projecting’ had stayed though. Hange’s words had left its mark and maybe it did have Levi reflecting on his own feelings, his own fear and his own frustrations at his regressing skills, the painful awareness of his body that was slowly forgetting the motions he had built over years. At the end of that tunnel of reflection, he did end up thinking back to that word.

Projecting. She had to be feeling something for herself to say something like that right?

Hange what are you projecting?

And that at least distracted Levi enough, enough for him to ignore the dull pain in his left knee, channel his focus elsewhere. The next few days, having been left alone in the apartment while Hange went about classes, lab work and library visits, Levi did manage to channel his energies to academics or to filling his gaps in his own stories: Levi Special Squad, the Beast Titan and something about some new rookies in the survey corps.

The pain in his knee never left though. It was nagging and annoying like a cavity. It was a pain Levi had assumed would disappear in time. His left knee had always been painful since the injury.

Yet, maybe his left knee had started to get a little frustrated at Levi’s negligence. Maybe it had started to get angry. It was a creature and Levi soon realized, it was a monster that demanded attention.

The night it demanded his attention so stubbornly, so angrily., it did it through sharp pains that coursed through him like bolts of electricity, it did it through a crushing sensation that left Levi almost unable to breathe.

And maybe it did have Levi hallucinating----Or could it have been dreaming--- of having saved one of his soldiers from being eaten by a titan.

                                      A Tale of Two Slaves

“Connie!

“Captain!”

In his dreams, he had been too out of breath, or maybe a little too distracted to have reacted at the crushing pain that had spread through him like bolts of lightning. The dream was hazy that Levi doubted whether he had been completely rooted in anything or not.

He had been flying. He had been in pain. And he had been pushing past the pain, slicing at a titan in every direction. And when he had seen one of his soldiers unconscious, about to be eaten by a titan, he had jumped in between the titan and the soldier so instinctively, so desperately that the in-between had been a blur. He found himself in the midst of an excruciatingly painful ordeal. He gritted his teeth, biting back any attempt to scream. For god knows if he screamed, he might just run out of energy, he might just pass out.

When he woke up to the dark room though, he processed almost naturally the fact that the circumstances his reality had offered him were different. The view in the middle of the night, the faint sound of cars had been different. He wasn’t in a battle field and as if his body had been completely aware of that, it did push past his attempts to subdue any reaction.

Even before he realized it though, he had been screaming. Only when his throat burned and the sounds faded into a whimper, only when the tears started to run down his face, only when he closed his eyes and keeled over, a pathetic reaction to the bombardment of stimuli, did Levi realize the pain of having his leg almost bitten off by a titan was still there.

“Levi! I’m here. What’s going on? Are you okay?” Hange was right next to him. Beyond the pain, that was all he could process.

Hange hadn’t been there in the dream. God knows where Hange had been when he was flying from titan to titan. God knows where Hange had been when he found himself, jumping in between his fellow soldier and the titan that had lunged to eat him.

And god, it was painful. Even past the dream, even when he started to realize that Hange was right next to him at least in the dark room at 3am. The pain stayed and it was crushing his knee, it was leaving him unable to even take any sort of a decent breath, his own coping mechanism reduced to ragged breaths in between tears.

“Levi, breathe…”

How pathetic where his own breaths sounding for Hange to have to coach him like that?

“Oh god, Levi, we might have to get you to a hospital?”

How pathetic did he look for Hange to have to suggest a hospital visit? When she helped him up at least, when she slung her free arm over his shoulder and helped him to a sitting position, he did at least feel the unnatural weight on his left knee. What was going on?

Everything after that, came as a hazy dream. As hazy as the fight against the many unnatural looking titans. In that dream, Hange had been absent for some reason he could not yet comprehend. And Levi found himself trying to push it away, instead focusing on the Hange in front of him who had put a blanket over him, who had dialed a number on her phone and who was rattling off medical jargon to someone on the phone.

“Erwin… I…” Why would you need to call Erwin at three in the morning?

After that, Hange had helped put a hoodie over him, she had called one more number. And within a few minutes, Levi found himself lying down on a taxi, half conscious, only hanging on by a thread at the view of Hange under the dim light of the taxi and the city lights.

Somehow, he was terrified of falling asleep again. Hange hadn’t been there in the dream. And she might just disappear if he closed his eyes. As he unwillingly held on to the crushing pain in his knee and the view of Hange who sat next to him on the taxi, he was awake. Only barely, but barely was enough to not fall into another world of dreams, a world of wars and a state of complete chaos and confusion.

Eventually, he lost consciousness but it had been a gradual process.

He had lost some sense of time along the way, his body having been too focused on Hange. The darkness in the taxi had quickly shifted to the stark white of the hospital as he was helped onto a stretcher. Then along the way, he may have heard Erwin’s voice rattling off something about a swelling knee that was crushing his joints and a knee aspiration.

Then there was something about painkillers, an IV, a slight pain in his hand before everything enveloped him again. Maybe at his peripherals, Hange had been by his bedside.

It was a huge improvement at least from the messages of his own dreams. And maybe it was relief that finally had him letting go of his tight yet weak grip on reality. The crushing pain on his knee hadn’t been from a titan biting it off. Hange’s absence in the war had only been a dream.

The last few things he had processed then before completely letting the darkness enveloped him, may have been the sound of a laptop opening next to him, a few wires pattering on the floor below, the sound of the mouse and finally, the relaxing rhythmic clacking of the keyboard..

Hange was right next to him and she wasn’t leaving anytime soon.

                                          A Tale of Two Slaves

“Sorry.” It came out as a croak but Levi was still hoping she heard it. Despite the haziness of the first few moments as he opened his eyes to the light streaming into the hospital room, despite the discomfort which came with a dry throat, it had been Levi’s first instinct to apologize.

Hange looked worse off than last night. He at least picked up enough images of her to know that there was a stark difference between the Hange of a few hours ago and the Hange then. The laptop hadn’t moved, it was still on the table next to his bedside, just like he had guessed it to be having fallen unconscious to the sound of the clacking of the keyboard.

Right then and there, Hange’s hair fell in chaotic waves, her glasses askew. And compared to last night where he saw panic, in front of him, he saw calm etched on her face, an ominous calm that somehow seemed even more alarming.

“Hange,” Levi said a little louder. The concern he felt only gave him the motivation to push past the discomfort of having just woken up. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you saying sorry? Hadn’t everything to this point been my fault?” Hange’s voice was soft, reflecting the ominous calm. It was cold, maybe even frozen. “"The reason the fluid built up in your knee was overexertion apparently. They’re guessing it was the physical therapy session last Saturday." Hange looked away. "I can't help but think... If I didn’t bring you to the tournament or talked to you about jumping , maybe you wouldn’t have pushed yourself too hard."

Levi had listened closely and he could have sworn he heard a crack in her voice. “But the fluid is gone right?” He asked. He noted that his knee was numb and to his relief, the pain had devolved into a dull ache, similar to the one he had been dealing with the past month. Not at all as alarming as it had been the night before.

Hange shrugged. “Maybe it’s the painkillers or maybe it’s the fact that they drained the wound. But don’t count your eggs before they even hatch. Your back to square one. All progress, out the window. Fuck this. Fuck all this. And you wouldn’t have been in this damn situation if he hadn’t fucked up way too many times. Was I pressuring you to jump? Was I pressuring you to recover quicker? Maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned Elijah, or maybe I shouldn’t have mentioned MIkasa? Maybe I shouldn’t have let you go to that fucking meet in the first place.”

Levi kept quiet. Watching what had been Hange, leaving her laptop open on the table, watching her pace around the room, avoiding his gaze as she fell into her soft tirade had been unsettling. Even he couldn’t tell how it was making him feel. “It’s over. It happened. So many things had happened at once, it couldn’t have been anyone’s fault.”

“Fucking hell Levi, when I’m supposed to be writing about your injury, when I’m supposed to be writing every single bout of mini progress, writing out the mechanics of the injury… I can’t help but see… you were in no condition to jump. You were exhausted, your wounds from the first time we met were far from healed. But for fuck’s sake, if I had told you to wait it out a week, instead of letting you do jump after jump, maybe you’d be in class right now or maybe you’d be preparing for your next tournament… I don’t wanna write this anymore. I don’t wanna reduce whatever is going on inside you to a fucking case study.” Hange slammed her hand on her keyboard, and sat so violently on the chair, she had pushed it a few inches back.

“You need to graduate,” Levi said. What will Erwin think? What will your parents think?

“At this point, who cares? I’m miserable. I can’t fucking get anything written. I write a paragraph, I get self conscious and I delete it. I write out my interpretation of the numbers, of my findings, my gut wrenches then I delete it again."

“Take a break?” Levi weakly suggested.

Hange had laughed at that. The reaction came out of nowhere and Levi found himself speechless and maybe a little confused. Take a break? That had seemed like a natural suggestion. He had at least spent a good few seconds thinking in between listening to Hange’s rant to have come up with such a suggestion.

Either way, from the way Hange had laughed it off and slammed her laptop close, from the way she had sat back on the chair and looked at nothing in particular, the way she had avoided his gaze through the whole tirade and the fit that had followed, Levi was sure that had been the wrong thing to say.

A little ashamed at his own ability to have come up with something a little more comforting, Levi kept quiet. And for a second, he looked up at the own ceiling above him, and maybe distracted himself by appreciating the view from the wide hospital window, following the birds that were doing some sort of dance in the sky

For a moment, he did forget about Hange. She hadn’t helped at all to make herself any memorable, having kept silent.

The silence in that moment had been too peaceful, had been too otherworldly that it was only natural that it would be broken by even the softest and steadiest things.

Like an off-rhythm knock on the door.

“Hange?”

Levi recognized the voice even before his head popped up from behind the slightly opened door. “Moblit?”

Levi looked towards Hange. The latter sat unmoving on her seat, her head bowed down, her face unreadable. Even as Moblit opened the door a little wider and approached her, she hadn’t moved at all or even looked back to greet him. Levi bent over to get a better look at her and saw panic. A type of panic he had never seen before. Panic, confusion, maybe a little urgency. “Hange? Moblit’s here.” Levi managed to say. He kept his voice gentle, a natural gesture having to process Hange’s face at that moment.

“Hey Hange. Erwin told me you’d be here. The others were worried about you--- I was worried about you. You’re supposed to be presenting now."

Hange stayed silent. From what Levi could see, her face was frozen. Was that panic? Shock?

Moblit continued. "I explained your situation… They said they could push it back until this afternoon...You think you can make it?" Moblit paused as he got closer to her, as if waiting for her to say something. He had his phone out,as if ready to call the panelists at any moment.

"Hange. Go to the presentation," Levi said. It was difficult to bend over and make eye contact with her with her head bent down, her eyes downcast. He kept his words firm, hoping at least that was enough to reach her.

“I can’t…” She managed to say. She left her mouth half open, as if she had expected to say something after. She looked back up at Levi, then bit her lip. Levi could have sworn that was the first time he had seen her in such a loss of words yet at the same time, struggling to get something out.

“Hange, go. I’ll be fine…”

“You don’t understand, I can’t… present.”

“Hey, I’ll help you set up. We have until tonight.” Moblit scooched beside her on the table and typed out her password.

“No, you don’t get it, I have nothing…”

“Hey, I’ll help you get a powerpoint. We can revise your manuscript together. That’s what friends are for,” Moblit pressed as he pushed the laptop towards Hange. “Come on, type out your password.”

“No Moblit, there’s nothing in here. It’s over. I’ll try again next year.”

“It’s too early to give up Hange, remember how fast you got Elijah’s data processed? It helped me a lot.”

“You don’t get it do you?” Hange pulled the laptop towards her and angrily typed what could have been the password. The laptop booted to life and from where he sat, Levi made out the characteristic log in tone of the computer. “There’s nothing in the document. Just the introduction. No preliminary results. No observations. Nothing.”

Levi couldn’t see the screen from where he sat. But he did see the flashes of a changing screen through Moblit’s eyes. He could guess the results from the way Moblit’s jaw dropped and the way Hange just avoided both their gazes, keeping her eyes downcast.

Levi maneuvered himself to the side of the bed, getting Hange’s laptop at arm’s reach. His leg protested the action but that was the last thing on his mind. God forbid, what Moblit was seeing at that moment could have been Levi’s first assumption.

Hange… Didn’t you spend hours in the library getting everything written out?

Didn’t you spend whole days outside working in the lab?

Didn’t I fall asleep every night to the angry clacking of the keyboard?

Didn’t I wake up in the middle of the night to you in the dining room writing out your thesis?

She had been writing at least. The introduction, the review of related literature were all filled out. The methodology had been filled out. It was a far cry though from what she had made in high school. Each part had been furnished with links to sources, half completed sentences and maybe a few question marks here and there.

The observations and the results and discussions though, were all blank.

“Hange… You….” What were you doing? This can’t be it. Levi didn’t even know if he had said that last part out loud. His brain was on overdrive trying to prove his own quick conclusion wrong. He navigated through old versions of the document. His hands were quick, maybe they had been moving on their own and the PC couldn’t catch up.

A few times, Levi found himself tapping impatiently on the keyboard as the laptop loaded each version.

More links, more half completed sentences, and a very empty observations and results section. “We can get something written right? Help make a powerpoint? If we work together, we could get something presentable."

Moblit shook his head. He bent down next to Hange and spoke softly. “Does Erwin know about this?”

“I told him to just leave it to me… But I can’t. I can’t write this anymore.” Hange shook her head as she looked up at Moblit then up at him. There was some sort of a smile of resignation plastered on her face, reminiscent of the laugh of only a few moments ago.

That was what the laugh had meant when he had suggested the break.

Of course, she would laugh. There was no time for breaks. There was no time for work either. Hange was royally fucked.

Moblit left the room, neither Levi nor Hange asked for what. For a few more minutes, maybe for even an hour longer while Hange had been in her catatonic state, Levi did continue to look through her drafts, see what kind of sense he could make of the half complete sentences and the links to journals in her document with his limited knowledge on human anatomy.

His background had him very much unready to complete a thesis proposal on a technical subject he studied nothing about, let alone in the span of a few hours. Having been pumped with painkillers and sleeping drought only an hour before, his brain was in no state either to bullshit what he could. Despite all his desperate attempts to make sense of it, to write out something coherent, he found himself converting it back to the state he and Moblit had found it in.

Levi closed the laptop slowly and pushed it towards Hange. He was surprised and a little relieved to find that she did pull her weight, setting the laptop back on the table next to his bed.

Hange smiled at Levi and spoke up. “I appreciate you trying to do all this Levi but… I’ve given up already. I’m not getting this thesis done.”

It was a pained smile. A smile of resignation. A smile that was so clearly telling him that he had definitely wasted those last few minutes pouring through the versions of her document for nothing.

Levi took a deep breath and spoke up. “Then what’s your plan now?”

[butterflymar]

DAY 2: FAVORITE BL DRAMA

I have quite a few... I can’t choose just one so bare with me lol

Life Senjou No Bokura

Synopsis According to MyDramaList: One day after school, the serious Ito and the child-like Nishi meet by chance, as each endeavors to remain walking  on the sidewalk`s white line. As time goes by, Ito recognizes he is drawn to Nishi in a way that is new to him. Nishi, for his part, is frustrated that they only get to meet on the sidewalk. Ito decides to act upon his feelings and kisses a surprised Nishi, who agrees they need to walk side by side for a change. The sparks between them are undeniable as their relationship blossoms in high school, survives the college years, and matures into adulthood. A deeply moving work that bears witness to loving partners, whose unchanging feelings must co-exist within a world of changing realities.

My Personal Thoughts: I already wrote a review for this so I am going to re-share some of those thoughts here. This is one that I have watched countless times already. They went by the manga for mostly all of the episodes and I appreciated seeing that. They gave more context for certain details that may have been lost while reading the manga and translated it to screen. I think they depicted the age gaps well too. For 4 episodes only, I feel that they did a great job including the most important aspects. Actually now that I think of it, I would have loved to see more of them in their early 20s depicted on screen because that was like one of there honeymoon phases and I’m a hopeless romantic lol but that’s just a personal preference not complaining. Also, the show stopped at age 40 and they could have gone on throughout there entire lives but I understand why they chose not too. The manga is great as well!!! I think that the main actors depicted beautiful true love very well. They had amazing chemistry. Japanese BL’s have that special spark about them that I love. I also loved that it showed there relationship from high school till there later years. I don’t see that a lot with BL’s. They usually just stick to one time period. The aspect about them being connected by a line in relation to there love was a nice touch as well. I am glad that it has a happy ending as well. This is a pretty quick one to watch and a great one at that!!! If you haven’t watched it yet, I would highly recommend it!!!

I Told Sunset About You 

Synopsis According to MyDramaList: Teh and Oh-aew were best friends until a boyhood line of reasoning turned them into rivals. Years later as they're preparing for university admissions, both pursuing interests in the field of Communication Arts, the two meet in a Chinese language class. Their reunion awakens complicated and unstable feelings.

My Personal Thoughts: Same as above, I already wrote a review for this so I am going to re-share some of those thoughts here. This is DEFINITELY one of my top BL shows of the year 2020. This is such a beautiful masterpiece of a show!!! I remember when the preview trailer first came out… I was already hooked!!! I was on the lookout for it and it did not disappoint me one bit when it finally started. I looked forward to seeing it every week. It made me feel all of the emotions. I was up here sitting in my room crying over everything. I don’t think any other BL has made me this emotional before in my life. The two lead actors really DELIVERED!!! I could feel every single stare, every single body movement, and every single touch. You could cut the TENSION with a knife!!! No one couldn’t tell me that there wasn’t a magnetic true love between these two. I know this sounds cliche but it's like they were destined to be together from when they were childhood friends. Also, I would love to see them in future projects!!! The cinematography in this show is TOP FREAKIN NOTCH!!! Every single scene is just so beautifully shot. The cinematography alone makes me want to cry lol I saw somewhere that someone said the filming of the show reminded them of an indie film and I totally agree!!! The writing and directing on this show was impeccable to me!!! No cringy dialogue and every single line served its purpose well. This is movie grade writing. I also wanted to quickly just say that I loved the attention and callback to details throughout like with the tutoring book that Teh made for Oh-aew that was left empty by the end of episode 4, the flower that was supposed to be colored the same as Tan’s garment but Teh colored it red because he was thinking of Oh-aew, the rubbing of Oh-aew’s back when he sniffles, the references to Teh’s favorite actor, and the use of Chinese phrases to get meaning across. I could go on and on but wow I just loved how they really connected all of the details throughout. I can’t wait for Season 2!!!

Theory of Love

Synopsis According to MyDramaList: Third is a filmology major and a member of the Savage Team along with his best friends Two, Bone, and Khai, but he has a secret. Third has been secretly in love with Khai for years. For three years, he has kept his secret love in his heart, silently supporting and loving Khai while knowing there is absolutely no future between them since Khai is as straight as a streetlight pole and also an absolute player. To make matters worse, Khai has a "no dating friends" policy. How long can Third love Khai silently while watching Khai bring a different girl home every night? Third has tried to see Khai as just a friend. But has failed time and time again. Because as easy as it is to fall in love, to stop is just as hard.  Maybe even harder. That is until Third learns a secret that breaks his heart completely. But when Third decides to stop, Khai decides to start.

My Personal Thoughts: As sad as this show can make me feel at times, I love rewatching it. I still to this day think that it is one of the most well written BL’s that I have seen. Everything flows nicely and everything connects. Your not left wondering how you got from point A to point B. I thought the show had great character development especially when it came to Khai’s character towards the end of series. I know a lot of people had mixed feelings about his character due to how careless and dare I say stupid he acted at times but if he can make the audience hate him that much as a character... I would say he is doing something right!!! Gun’s acting never fails to amaze me!!! He really is one of the best actors I have seen. I know he had to be drained from all of that crying that he did throughout the show though lol It just goes to show that when you truly love someone you can’t just stop what you are feeling inside that easily no matter how the other person feels about you or treats you. As the old saying goes, love is blind. I also loved the friend group as well and Two and Bones side stories with the teacher and crush from school. They added to the shows greatness and didn’t take away from it. The friendship dynamics throughout the show was I feel something that really kept me engaged. The cast acted well together. There was no awkwardness or hesitation. I feel everyone bought there best for this drama. They incorporated the movie references so cleverly and I love how the title of each episode was the title of a real romance film. Just the overall theme of film was very intriguing to me. This drama left me filled with heartache and a rollercoaster of emotions but the ending is worth it!!!

HIStory3: Make Our Days Count

Synopsis According to MyDramaList: At first glance, high schoolers Xiang Hao Ting and Yu Xi Gu appear to be polar opposites: While Xiang Hao Ting is an outgoing, hot-headed extravert and some-time bully, Yu Xi Gu prefers to keep a low profile and focus on his schoolwork. They seem bound for totally different futures – the bookish Yu Xi Gu looks destined for academic success, while life is just a long popularity contest for Xiang Hao Ting. But a quirk of fate – and a crucial intervention by a female schoolmate – results in the two young men’s paths crossing. But there is more to both young men than first meets the eye. Xiang Hao Ting was not always this way. He started out as a perfect student until he discovered the joys of going off the rails. And Yu Xi Gu has a reason for being so aloof and studious: His parents died in a traffic accident while he was younger, and he is being fostered by his aunt. As such, he works hard to get good grades in an effort to win a scholarship and ease the financial burden on his relatives. Yu Xi Gu also works part-time at a convenience store, where his manager Liu Zhi Gang has developed a crush on a man he has met at the gym. Back at school, meanwhile, Yu Xi Gu and Xiang Hao Ting find themselves drawn together, and passions ignite. The former notices that he has the unique ability to bring Yu Xi Gu out of his shell – and becomes intent on melting his cold-as-ice exterior. What will happen when their two worlds collide? And can love be the catalyst that helps bring these two unlikely students together – as their high school days draw to a close?

My Personal Thoughts: I will stand by this notion for all of my days but this show is one of the best shows I have seen PERIOD!!! Not even best BL shows I have seen but just in general. It highkey saddens me that it is rated at an 8.1 right now on MyDramaList due to how it ended when other than that... it’s a top notch show. This was one that I watched as it was airing and I would get excited to see it every week. My clown self should have known by the title “Make Our Days Count” that some mess was about to occur but I didn’t pick up on it. Now, I just disregard the last episode (WE DON’T KNOW HER!!!). You can just tell that they had a great budget for this series. The production was on point. It had great cinematography, great storylines, and it felt realistic too. The main couples acting was OFF THE CHARTS AMAZING. I loved the whole opposites attract thing going on. Although the show was set in high school... it almost didn’t feel like it nor did it have those typical clichés going on. I liked how it dealt with topic of LGBTQ+ acceptance as well. I wasn’t so sure about the side couples relationship at first but I grew to love them as time went on. One last thing I wanted to point out was that even though I am always looking for a happy ending... I learned from this show that not everyone can get a happy ending. That’s not how life works sadly. In real life, there have been a lot of people who were truly in love and lost there partners tragically. Although it may be hard to accept the outcome, it is something that happens in real life. This is a drama that you appreciate even more as time goes on. It truly is a gem of a series!!!

TharnType

Synopsis According to MyDramaList: Type Thiwat is a handsome freshman with a passion for football and spicy food. Although he’s a friendly boy, he hates gay people because, in his childhood, he was molested by a man. His life turns upside down when the new academic year of college brings along a charismatic roommate, Tharn Kirigun. Tharn is a gorgeous, compassionate music major, who is also openly gay. When Type learns this, he is determined to make Tharn leave the dorm, as he won't live with a gay person. Tharn is equally determined not to give into Type's homophobic tantrums. With a gay guy and a homophobic guy that have to share a small space together for the rest of the year — what can possibly be the outcome of their story? Hatred? Or maybe love?

My Personal Thoughts: *Goes to hide in a corner* I know this drama is problematic and controversial as hell but it’s like a train wreck that you can’t turn  away from. What truly carries the show I feel is the chemistry between MewGulf. I don’t think I would have enjoyed the series as much if other actors were cast in those roles. They just exude confidence, passion, love, and lust. In terms of the storyline, I found it to be a chaotic occurrence of situations where I just had to know what was going to go on next. Everything that occurred had me intrigued for the next episode and so on and so forth. I loved Type’s character development. One quick thing I want to touch on was I know there were a lot of problematic things that happened which I will touch on at a later date but one thing I wish people were more understanding of was Type’s outbursts, thoughts, and feelings in certain situations. He was a victim of sexual assault so I felt the way he handled certain things was in response to what he had gone through as child and I think some viewers kind of missed that and were almost too harsh on him. Everyone processes and deals with trauma differently. This show went through so many twists and turns and I honestly lived for it especially the shocker towards the end of the series. I didn’t see that one coming at all!!! Despite all of its flaws, this show still holds a special place in my heart.

Honorable Mention:

Cherry Magic: As of today, this show has 4 episodes left and I think I am just going to come out and say that THIS IS MY FAVORITE BL OF THE YEAR!!! It’s a beautiful Japanese BL and I rewatch the old episodes while I wait for new ones to come out alot. It’s such a fluffy, heartwarming, and precious Bl series!!! I love it to pieces!!!

[para-imperium]

Horizon: Salvaged Heroes Ch. 6

The Resolutionfinished docking with the remnants of Stouton station and Horizon gradually withdrew her consciousness from the ship systems. In a matter of minutes she was reduced from the genius loci of the most powerful ship within a light-year, to just Tanya, small-time scrapper pilot. As she leaned forward in her very comfortable pilot’s chair the stiffness of her joints and an uncomfortable pressure on her bladder reminded her of how long she’d been lying there. Idly, she wondered what would have happened if she’d been plugged in for a full day, and immediately wished she hadn’t.

After tossing aside a video of her chair’s waste disposal systems she wondered where the nearest lavatory was and directions popped up in her head. As she headed over, she called MechRat.

Horizon: Do you have a minute?

MechRat: I’m working on a couple projects here, but I can talk. What’s up?

Horizon: Did you know that my pilot’s chair is equipped with “auto-burrowing catheters?”

MechRat: …

MechRat: I don’t want to look that up do I?

Horizon: Well I didn’t really have a choice. I wondered how long I could stay linked in, and my implants played a video showing how the chair can dispose of waste in graphic detail.

MechRat: Did you use it?

Horizon: NO!

MechRat: Okay, sorry. It sounds like you’ve got a shadow AI in your implant. Really, it explains a lot.

Horizon: What do you mean by “shadow AI?”

MechRat: Okay, so most BCI implants contain some sort of basic AI assistant to help the user. They can run data searches for you, suggest a particular course of action or tool to use, even warn you about dangers in your peripheral vision. Mine’s named “Mic.”

Horizon:So what’s a shadow AI?

MechRat: Some users want their AI assistant to be as unobtrusive as possible, so they get an AI that operates as a secondary subconscious mind of sorts. Reviewing search results feels like recalling a memory, its suggestions seem like your own ideas, it hijacks your reflexes to make you jump out of the way of a falling crate, that kind of thing.

Horizon: That’s what’s in my head now? Sounds terrifying.

MechRat: It’s not that different from your own subconscious, you don’t exactly think about kicking when the doctor taps your knee or about every single muscle movement when you take a walk. Still, there’s a reason I went with Mic when I got my first implant.

That gave Horizon pause. Back when she’d flown her first spaceship she had to work hard to remember which controls she needed to use and when, and had to plan out every little maneuver well in advance. Now it was all reflex, she ran through the sequences without thinking and “eyeball-maneuvered” fairly often. But when she interfaced with the Resolutionshe didn’t need to train in its operation, she just plugged in and knew how to run the ship as if it were part of her own body.

Horizon: That does explain a few things. How do I get it to stop showing me gross videos though? MechRat: It should learn your preferences over time. I might be able to change some of your settings though so it doesn’t open those things automatically.

Horizon: Can you shut it down?

MechRat: Shut it down? Are you sure? Can you even fly this ship without it?

Horizon: Well, no, probably not. But, could you turn it off while I’m not flying?

MechRat: I can try, give me remote access and I’ll see what I can do.

Several menus flashed before Tanya’s eyes, and just as she was finishing up in the lavatory MechRat informed her that he’d changed her shadow’s settings. Before hanging up he gave her instructions on how to restart it, but advised that it would take several minutes to boot up.

As soon as she exited the head she ran into EyeInTheSky, the raven looked impatient. “Pilot,” she commanded. “Your presence is requested at the primary airlock in five minutes. We are meeting with what amounts to leadership on this station.”

Horizon twitched uncomfortably at Eye’s derision of Belter social dynamics, she was almost afraid to see how her boss might handle the meeting. “I’ll be there.” She confirmed instead.

“Be sure to wear a helmet.” Eye added, striding away on her spindly bird legs.

Within a minute Horizon found a disc the size of her palm and twice as thick that was labeled “respirator helmet” and spent several minutes afterward trying to figure out how it worked. There were several flaps and ports on the device, but no visible buttons or controls. Fortunately, a minute before the deadline Lift and MechRat showed up, their heads covered by form-fitting masks of silvery material with polarized lenses that concealed their eyes. MechRat snorted when he saw Horizon struggling with her helmet device. “Bit difficult without your shadow, isn’t it?”

Horizon shot him a judging look, “just tell me how to use this thing, okay?” She said with annoyance.

She could swear he was rolling his eyes under his mask. “Okay, first open your implant’s available connections.” Horizon blinked, and a floating window appeared next to the device in her hand reading “emergency respirator: pair device?” She focused on the “pair” option and a second later another window appeared giving more options.

“Okay,” she said. “It’s paired, what next?”

“Hold it a centimeter from your nose and select deploy mask on the menu.” MechRat advised her.

Horizon did so, and a set of ports on the side facing her face opened up. A silvery mist flowed out of the device and around her head. Her implant advised her to “remain calm” but it was difficult to hold still while a swarm of what she realized must be nanobots covered her head. Fortunately, the mist coalesced into a solid material before long, and formed clear lenses over her eyes. The device she’d initially activated now seemed integrated with the mask, and she felt confident enough to let go of it. A new readout in the corner of her vision indicated that she had eight hours of oxygen remaining at current levels of exertion.

“About time you got yourself ready.” Horizon turned to spy Princeps and Eye approaching the airlock door. Eye was wearing a respirator much like the others, but Princeps wasn’t. Instead, he had bleached his fur from its prior gray and tan hues to solid white. “I understand you might not be particularly attentive to your appearances, but that doesn’t mean the people we’re meeting won’t be. We cannot afford to be recognized.”

Horizon turned away to stare at the airlock door and stand at what she hoped looked like attention, trying to ignore how uncomfortable her helmet-mask felt. Her discomfort must have been noticeable as she got a BCI message from MechRat.

MechRat: I’m working on a device that can cover our faces with a lifelike hologram. I’ve got enough processing power in my implants but the rest of you are still a challenge.

Horizon: Keep me updated.

The airlock door slowly unsealed itself, revealing seams that previously had been invisible to the naked eye. The group entered a small chamber with an equally well-sealed door at the far end and waited as the inner door closed back up. Air cycled out of the lock until they were at equilibrium with the station on the other side, then the outer door finally opened to reveal the rather rusty-looking outer airlock of Stouton station. They heard the thuds of multiple bolts before the door itself gave way to the station on the far side.

“Huh?” Lift looked around in confusion. The inner airlock door was wide open, safety locks should have prevented that, but a malfunction like that was practically to be expected on a station so damaged. It wasn’t until she looked downwards that she came to share the bull’s alarm.

Half a dozen unmoving figures were sprawled across the floor. All of them with graying fur or similarly fading feathers and scales. None of them were visibly breathing, but Horizon was experienced enough to know that wasn’t a guaranteed sign of death in a region of space where oxygen mods were commonplace. She leapt forward to help them without a moment’s thought of what could have caused their state.

A feeling at the back of Tanya’s hindbrain attempted to warn her, but she reacted too slowly and a needle-dart sank into her chest just as she was trying to duck. Looking around for the attackers she spied Princeps, MechRat, and Eye lying prone on the floor in defensive crouches while Lift stood with a heavy arm raised, two darts sticking out of it. MechRat yanked a dart out of the stiffened fabric of his jumpsuit, “armor mode!” He shouted, accompanied by a digital signal.

Horizon felt her own jumpsuit turn rigid around her torso and limbs, though the joints remained flexible. The smart fabric forced the dart out but she noticed to her horror that unlike the one that hit MechRat, there was a spot of blood on the tip. An alert popped into her view informing her that her leukosynths had detected a toxin, while they attempted to identify it Tanya felt her chest grow numb. Her respirator’s oxygen readout jumped wildly, first dropping due to elevated stress levels, then rising due to rapid onset paralysis. She tried to get back up to her feet, stagger back through the airlock into the ship, like her crewmates.

Eye leapt to her feet and flapped wildly back across the airlock. Lift stood tall, letting his armor absorb the following shots. MechRat scrambled on all fours back into the safe haven of the Resolutionwhile Princeps calmly stood in Lift’s shadow, his lapels rising to form an improvised face shield. Horizon took an unsteady step towards the airlock, then another.

A cord that felt as strong as a titanium bar coiled around Tanya’s waist, wrapping itself tight in a way that only micro-servos could do. She was yanked off her feet and dragged across the floor, away from the ship. Lift started to reach towards her, only to stiffen when another voice shouted “retreat!” And then to slowly walk backwards into the airlock.

In a panic, Tanya kicked out, her foot connecting with a hazy figure that appeared to be the same color as the station wall behind it. Adaptive camouflage! She realized, whoever had snagged her was much better equipped than your average poor Belters. But they didn’t give her time to wonder who could be so equipped, another figure stomped down on her free leg and bent it at an odd angle. Tanya screamed in pain as her lower leg should have broken, but the alloys the Federation ship had replaced her bones with bent instead. Another figure, or possibly the same one, pinned her arms down and grabbed at her mask, the nanites held taught, reforming bonds as quickly as they broke.

“The Hel is this shit?” The figure trying to remove her mask protested.

“Just scrape it off!” The other one retorted. The first one unsheathed a knife and started slicing at the nanite mask, flicking off drops of silvery goo as they came off. Tanya tasted blood in her mouth, her face felt hot from the leukosynths trying to repair the damage her kidnappers were carelessly inflicting. Her leg felt rather warm as well, now that she thought about it.

Horizon’s free leg snapped back into place as her localized fever activated the memory metal. She kicked the back of the figure trying to remove her mask. The blur fell forward onto her and she tasted fresh station air as the mask was completely removed.

She felt a second needle-dart pierce the side of her exposed neck. Numbness spread up her face as she saw them place a primitive plastic mask over her muzzle. Tanya smelled the rotten egg scent of hydrogen sulfide and lapsed into torpor.

Is this the end for Horizon? Check out https://www.patreon.com/Zarpaulus to find out a week earlier than everyone else.

[self-loving-vampire]

Ultima VII Part Two: Serpent Isle (1993)

Summary

Serpent Isle is a direct sequel to the Black Gate. The arrival of the Guardian has been prevented and his cult has been outlawed and disbanded, but his most loyal follower has escaped to a place called the Serpent Isle to enact their backup plan.

But the Serpent Isle is not just an island, it is another world that you find yourself in after sailing your ship between the Serpent Pillars (yes, you get isekai’d while already living in another world).

This strange land is populated by people who fled from your lord long ago, and it seems to be suffering from an apocalyptic event that you soon experience for yourself, as a magical storm teleports your companions away and replaces most of the potent items you arrived with with random junk.

So your goals are clear: Recover your items, find the Guardian’s followers, and try to prevent the world’s destruction.

In many ways, Serpent Isle can feel like a more linear and limited game than the Black Gate (for one, you can’t own and freely sail a ship), but there are actually many things that I think it actually does better.

I played it using Exult and the SI Fixes mod.

Freedom

While Serpent Isle is not fully linear, it is definitely not nearly as open as the Black Gate was.

Where the Black Gate lets you travel nearly anywhere in the world almost immediately, even enabling several forms of transportation for this purpose, Serpent Isle initially allows only one section of the island to be explored with the rest opening up as one progresses through the game.

To its credit, the way in which these areas are locked off are sometimes reasonable and do not feel arbitrary. For instance, Moonshade is an island and nearly every ship in the land have been wrecked by the same magical storms that affected your party at the start of the game, so reaching it is not as simple as just buying a boat and going there.

There are other cases, however, where the restrictions do feel nonsensical. Such as the way the Bull Tower pikemen demand obscene amounts of money for the captain’s release but will happily accept a single much less valuable gold bar instead (since acquiring those is tied to a plot point). Then there’s all the stuff with the Hound of Doskar...

On the positive side, you can deal with various parts of the game in whatever order you desire within these limitations. This includes resolving the central quests in each of the land’s three cities in your own preferred order.

However, the game is still lacking in alternate solutions for quests in general. There are some decisions to be made, but they are rather minor in the grand scheme of things.

Character Creation/Customization

This aspect of the games is just as barebones as the Black Gate. You can only select your name, gender, and portrait. Your starting stats are pre-set and there are no further decisions to be made there.

However, Serpent Isle does have a marginal benefit over the Black Gate in that how you spend your training points matters a lot more, since you can’t just automatically max out your stats by completing the expansion.

Even then, there is not much to the character creation here at all.

Story/Setting

I think this is one of the game’s stronger points. The Black Gate may have had a larger world with more total settlements, but Serpent Isle’s three cities of Monitor, Fawn, and Moonshade are each significantly larger than the average Black Gate town and, most importantly, this world feels more dynamic.

Due to the way many of the game’s quests and events work, Serpent Isle manages to feel more alive than its predecessor. I will not spoil the details, but you often feel like something is always happening and like new developments are organically finding you rather than you having to actively search for them.

As has become typical of the Ultima series, the setting this time around is also centered around virtues, but in this case it goes beyond the Eight Virtues you mastered in the last trilogy.

Serpent Isle’s three cities are inhabited by the descendants of people who fled the reign of Lord British and who resent his edict of the eight virtues. The knights of Monitor considered Valor to be the highest virtue, the sailors of Fawn wanted to elevate Beauty as a virtue, and the mages of Moonshade did not feel that their profession should be associated with the virtue of Honesty.

But in addition to all that, much of the game revolves around learning about and mastering the ancient Ophidian virtue system, which functions differently from what you are used to. 

The Ophidian virtues are divided into Order (Ethicality, Discipline, Logic) and Chaos (Tolerance, Enthusiasm, Emotion). The forces composing both sides must be in balance to achieve a new set of principles (Harmony arising from Ethicality + Tolerance, Dedication from Discipline + Enthusiasm, and Rationality from Logic + Emotion).

The incoming apocalypse you face in the game is the result of a cosmic imbalance in these forces. The ancient Ophidians polarized into Order and Chaos factions that warred each other, with Order winning the war and destroying the Chaos Serpent, which causes the universe to begin unravelling.

While this game does have an antagonist, resolving this imbalance remains the most significant part of the game in terms of story.

The game also has multiple big scripted scenes that did not quite exist in the Black Gate, and the world as a whole changes dramatically partway through as a result of a certain event.

Immersion

As previously mentioned, things like the quest design and more dynamic world can help make this game more immersive than Black Gate in some ways. I am reasonably certain that some of the NPC schedules are a bit more complex this time around as well.

There are also a few new things, such as a frozen wasteland up north that you need warm clothes to traverse without freezing.

Apart from that, all the features mentioned in the Black Gate are still present here, such as weather, day/night cycles, and more.

But really I think one of the most significant differences is actually just the fact that you are significantly less overpowered than in the Black Gate and have less allies. I feel like that changes the feel of the game a lot on its own in ways that have to be experienced to be fully understood.

Gameplay

Combat is, as in Black Gate, automatic and uninteresting, though it is slightly more difficult now overall.

The rest of the gameplay is largely the same as in the Black Gate as well, though dialogue has been slightly expanded with more complex trees.

Really the main difference comes down to the differences in the world and available items rather than any mechanical changes.

Some of the most significant items are a ring (obtained from the Silver Seed expansion) that provides infinite magical reagents and a magical goblet that provides endless nourishment. These things are not nearly as broken as what the Forge of Virtue provides in the Black Gate, but are still nice conveniences.

While this game has less towns than its predecessor, it does have larger and more interesting dungeons overall. The one issue with them is that some of the puzzles in them are not very interesting (often amounting to just placing items on pedestals and such).

This is also where I should talk about one of the game’s major flaws: It is the first one where the influence of Electronic Arts began to manifest. It is nothing too major at this point (just wait until we get to Ultima 8 and especially Ultima 9) but it does mean there are some questlines that were left unfinished due to EA rushing things.

It’s not just questlines either. The towns were supposed to be larger and with more content, the player was meant to eventually gain a ship they could freely sail like in the Black Gate, and a major plot element had to be changed. The Silver Seed expansion in particular feels incomplete and inconsequential in terms of story, and is largely centered around four dungeons to explore for unique loot (both the dungeons and the loot are reasonably good at least).

I also dislike just how many plot-critical items are in the game. I would like to use my backpack space for other things.

The game also offers a decent amount of locations to explore, including many optional curiosities unrelated to the main quest.

Aesthetics

While the engine and graphics are largely the same as in the Black Gate, there have been graphical upgrades, most notably in the form of significantly more detailed and lifelike portraits for NPCs.

But I would say that the biggest aesthetic changes here have more to do with the game’s design and atmosphere. 

Serpent Isle is a far more unfriendly place than Britannia, and you will be accosted by assassins and deceivers during your quest. It makes for a more grim adventure.

The whole game has a much darker tone than any in the series since Ultima 5, I think. The world is completely falling apart due to the imbalance, with storms obliterating Fawn’s fleet, goblins making significant gains in their war against Monitor, and plagues are starting to break out. You do get the sense as you explore the world that this is a land experiencing its final days.

And things only get worse from here too.

I also like how unique several of the locations are. The city of Monitor is not just a walled city, it is populated by knights who organize into three different commands that rule the city. Meanwhile the city of Fawn is completely unlike any other in the series, being built entirely over the sea.

It is good stuff, and I wish they had had the time to expand and develop these locations as they had originally planned.

Accessibility

Exactly as good in this regard as the Black Gate, I think. Even the increased difficulty (which is still not enough to make this a “hard” game by any means) does not really matter since at the start of the game you get a magical hourglass that can be used to resurrect any fallen party members and the local monks will take care of your own mortality as well.

If there’s frustrations to be had here, they may come more from some of the less intuitive puzzles than anything and plot points than anything. The core gameplay is still extremely simple.

While the game can theoretically be played on its own, I strongly recommend playing at least the Black Gate first to learn a little about the events that led to this whole expedition. The two games really are part of the same package.

Conclusion

Between the Black Gate and Serpent Isle, I always got the impression that the Black Gate was the more popular of the two. I can understand why, as Serpent Isle was a bit rushed and lacks the open exploration that has defined the previous games in the series.

Despite this, I remember loving it about as much as the Black Gate largely because of the atmosphere and how the game feels. It is a particularly easy recommendation for those who enjoyed the previous game, as the engine and mechanics remain largely the same.

I also recommend this game for anyone who may be interested in following the story or looking for an immersive experience, but who doesn’t want to bother too much with stuff like combat or numbers. Even just watching the NPCs go about their day can be fun in this game.

[snkpolls]

SnK Episode 61 Poll Results (for Manga Readers)

The poll closed with 359 responses. Thank you to everyone who participated!

Please note that these are the results for the Manga Readers’ poll. If you wish to see the results for the Anime Only Watchers’ poll, click here. 

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RATE THE EPISODE 347 Responses

While this episode wasn’t as big of a hit as episode 60, overall most viewers still enjoyed the content and are looking forward to more next week!

amazing amazing! I'm so delighted with this season so far!

Im so beyond pumped i love everything

Dissapointing but acceptable.

I’m like angry I loved it so much.

I just wish we didn't have to wait a week

It was amazing. We all gotta apologize to MAPPA for ever doubting them.

It's a huge stepdown from episode 1. At times the animation was straight up painful to watch. My expectations were low and yet I'm still disappointed :/

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING WAS YOUR FAVORITE SCENE/MOMENT? 349 Responses

Reiner-centric scenes were the highest on people’s radar, with 24.9% of respondents enjoying his reunion with the warrior cadets, and not far behind, 22.9% enjoyed Reiner bringing up the 104th at the dinner table. In third, with only 13.5%, was Pieck and Porco’s formal introduction to the audience. 

Hearing Zeke greet his grandparents with such happiness warmed my heart. I do believe that he loves them. 

They just had to add one last image of Ymir's broken face before she died, huh? :(

WE FORGOT TO ASK LAST WEEK D: WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SCENES/MOMENTS FROM EPISODE 60 WAS YOUR FAVORITE? 348 Responses

Last week we forgot to include what your favorite scenes were. The scene from episode 60 that got the most favor was Reiner’s, “I’m sick and tired… of walls” with 33.6% of the vote. 16.7% most enjoyed Zeke’s titan transforming scream. 14.9% were hyped about Reiner and Porco wrecking Fort Slava.

MAPPA WENT ALL OUT WITH THE CINEMATOGRAPHY IN THIS EPISODE. WHAT DID YOU THINK OF THE CINEMATIC PANS AND ROTOSCOPE ANIMATION? 349 Responses

Overall, a total of 74.5% respondents have positive feelings about MAPPA’s use of rotoscope animation and camera panning. Some felt like it was akin to watching a movie, while others are just happy to have the dynamic movement. A smaller amount of respondents didn’t have feelings one way or another, and a minority (about 10.3%) really are not a fan of this type of animation style for the series.

It felt odd sometimes as they used it for long scenes (like Udo talking or Gabi telling the story to her family) but overall it was pretty great and I prefer it to WIT's stale animation during season 3

I liked the more dynamic movement during dialogue, but my roommate found it super awkward and off-model. So a fifty-fifty split in a sample size of two lol

It could have been animated better, but I like the extra dimension it gives to scenes

Enjoyed it a lot! However, there were a few scenes that felt a bit off, like some frames were missing. Specifically, when Udo was doing all those gestures while talking with the rest of the Warrior Candidates.

It felt dynamic to the point of looking unnatural - some gestures and expressions just moved wrong

i'm split, in some scenes it was great (like reiner waking up), but in the dialogue scenes the constant movement seemed kinda unnatural and distracting

It was amazing but at the same time I'd didn't look fluid enough, especially at Udo's mouvements which made the character look kind of...video game-ish in constant moving. 

I thought it looked great the rotoscoping,the movements all looked amazing

The animation during Urdu’s scene is so cool!  I was caught of guard at first though lol. It’s so realistic!

NOW THAT WE’VE GOTTEN TO HEAR A LITTLE MORE OF THE NEW OST TRACKS, HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE SOUNDTRACK SO FAR THIS SEASON? 344 Responses

So far, reception to the newer music is overall positive. 31.1% are really enjoying the music and think the songs are being used immaculately, and 40.4% really feel that the song choice compliments the scenes they’ve been used in. 13.1% think the songs are good, but miss having that sole Sawano feel to them. 10.8% just feel the music is “ok” and 2.6% aren’t a fan of the new OST tracks so far. 

I mean it sounds good, but we haven't gotten to important moments that require a memorable track, so we'll see!

First episode slapped because it really complemented the scene but it's more... generic. I didn't like how it was used in this episode, there wasn't enough of it and again, generic. I miss Sawano's unreal scores.

the animation absolutely blew me away, and i love the intense music that played during Reiners monologue 

The music is fine.

I've heard both new and old songs from the previous seasons. Still too soon to make an opinion as we need to hear more.

I am deaf, I can't hear no damn soundtracks 

That music guys when they came back to Liberio and reuniting with they parents, made me tear up but also because the scouts never had the chance to go back home with victory in the arms of their family, I wish I could have seen EMA like this.. It kinda felt unfair X) but I was happy for them nevertheless.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THE CLOSEUP OF ZEKE’S MOUTH? 346 Responses

Our first of probably too many crack questions in this poll, 32.7% thought the closeup of Zeke lighting his cigarette was cool looking. 21.4% are concerned about Zeke’s lung health. 19.1% are probably annoyed with us and simply don’t care (lol). 13.3% wouldn’t mind smooching Zeke, and 11% were just plain grossed out.

Does smoke even affect a titan shifter? Surely his lungs just heal themselves

ASMR for the eyes, right there. Aww yiss

It was awesome! Zeke is shown as relaxed person with a big drop of mystery. 

Smoking Bad but he is gonna die in a year anyway

Suuuuuuucc

It might've just been an artistic choice to include it in there, but i gotta say I'm oddly fascinated and idk why

I don’t remember it lol

I didn't even notice.

Zeke looks hotter than he has ever looked

WHAT’S YOUR OPINION ABOUT ELDIAN ASSES? 341 Responses

Most of the responses seemed to feel rather positively about Eldian asses, with almost 40% seeking out Zeke’s ass wiping technique. About 17% simply stated their appreciation for them, while almost 13% are just thirsty. In contrast, a little over 17% seemed confused to the question’s inclusion and about 10% were confused outright. 

MAPPA WHERE IS PIECK'S ASS

More into Eldian thighs, really

I bet Levi’s is nice

If only Eren had one

zeke has the energy of a straight man who doesn't wash his ass

Only Shadis' ass

GIVE IT TO ME 😏😏

They are like normal, human asses. Do not turn them into some magical, special snowflakes, just because they belong to Eldians. 

Seek help

Enough

DO YOU WANT REINER TO GIVE YOU A HEAD PAT? 343 Responses

A definitive majority, almost 59 percent, openly expressed enthusiasm for the prospect of a head pat from Reiner. However, a near 30% fraction of responders didn’t seem too happy about this recent chain of less than serious questions. We’re sorry about that. 😅. The rest either didn’t seem interested in said prospect or noted they wouldn’t care either way.

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT THE DECISION FROM MAPPA TO CONDENSE REINER’S FLASHBACK INTO (PRESUMABLY) A SINGLE EPISODE? 346 Responses

It would appear that the majority of those who took our poll express cautious optimism at the prospect of seeing all (or the vast majority) of Reiner���s backstory being adapted into a single episode, with a near 47% supporting the move, thinking it could make the narrative “more coherent”. Almost 20% argue it would work better pacing wise. On the flipside, just over 17% state that they would rather have a more accurate adaptation to the manga. 11.6% simply say they have no opinion. There were also more than a few write-ins.

I do wish everything could be animated to full detail, but pacing and structure will benefit here

They've done a good job so far, so I'll reserve judgement until I actually watch it.

It will be difficult as they're chapters with loads of dialogue, but they can pull it off if unnecessary stuff gets cut out or changed in some type of way (like watching Marcel's death for the sixth time, them breaking through the wall or even Jean and Eren fighting) 

If they get the pacing right, then the rearrangement will be for the better.

Reiner flashbacks + Reiner suicide attempt + Falco meeting "Kruger" (more than 2,5 chapters) in a single episode? HELL NO! WTF MAPPA!  

Worried and cautiously optimistic.

At least it looks like they're going to stick to just one episode for the RBA flashback. It was mostly just filler anyway, so there was never any need to stretch it out and waste precious time getting back to the Paradis side of the story

I doubt that that's exactly how it is, but if so, then I don't think that that's a wise idea

It’s gonna be rushed as hell

Reiner flashback is very long and there is tons of dialogue, so I dont know how its going fit in only one episode, but if they can make it work then its fine for me

WHICH CHARACTER DESIGN DID YOU LIKE BEST IN COMPARISON TO THE MANGA? 346 Responses

This question gave us a somewhat evenly split pie chart, but Porco nonetheless managed to gain the bigger piece with just over 55%. Surely due to that bomber jacket and haircut. Nearly 45% picked Pieck (gottem) instead. Must have been the somewhat inconsistent nose. 

WHO’S SEIYUU DID YOU LIKE BEST? 335 Responses

On the flip side, 68.4% seemed to prefer Pieck’s soft voice. Porco with his (how the hell does Porco sound like… how can you describe his voice) managed to win the hearts of 31.6% of responses.

Pieck voice wtf? I imagined Pieck with a more Hanji-ish voice, not this sweet and high pitched.

DID MAPPA DO PIECK’S NOSE JUSTICE? 345 Responses

The debacle over Pieck’s POWERFUL nose gave us quite a colorful pie chart. Almost 39% of responses noted that Mappa was on point with Pieck’s nose for most of the episode. Afterwards, 26.7% stated that they thought that Mappa got it right only in some points of the episode. On the flip side, another 26.7% thought that Mappa was generally quite on point throughout the entire episode. A small minority (7.8%) thought that Mappa simply did a poor job. 

The animation is good, and while I don't want to complain, I have a small problem with the drawings themselves. I feel like they lack precision (like Pieck's nose, idk if that's clear).

I'm grateful for Pieck's nose. I always respected Isayama for drawing imperfect characters, because this way he has made them to look more realistic. Even though Pieck has so-called imperfect nose, she is still absolutely gorgeous. Her imperfections are part of what makes her beautiful and unique.

PORCO’S HAIR - WERE YOU TEAM RED HAIR OR BLOND HAIR? AND ARE YOU HAPPY WITH HIS ANIME COLOR SCHEME? 345 Responses

A far less controversial debacle concerned Porco’s hair scheme. The folks supporting a Blond color scheme were universally content with his hair color (all 57.4% of team Blond). On the flip side, an almost universal approval was also present from team Redhead (13.6% of those supported his blond hair color). 27.5% of the responses seemed to care not about this issue at all, however.

NOW THAT WE KNOW PORCO BETTER IN THE MANGA, DO YOU THINK HE WOULD HAVE *ACTUALLY* DONE A BETTER JOB THAN REINER IF HE HAD INHERITED THE ARMOR AND WENT TO PARADIS? 348 Responses

Porco inheriting the Armored Titan is a rather interesting what-if scenario. Perhaps of the most interesting as a whole, so it’s no surprise to see a rather divided opinion of those who took our poll. A little over 36% believe that Porco doing a better job than Reiner on Paradis is a definite possibility. Just over 24% believe it’s not likely Porco would have done better than Reiner. On the flip side, 21.6% think that is is likely Porco *would* have a more successful conduct on the island. 9.2% believe that Porco’s success is a given and in opposition to that, 8.9% think that Porco’s success would have been basically impossible.

HOW ABOUT IF PIECK HAD GONE TO PARADIS WITH THE WARRIORS? 346 Responses

Much less division here, however. 70.5% of responders believe that Pieck’s possible trip to Paradis (in the initial attack) would have not have resulted in a given “mission success” for the Warriors, although she would have been a rather useful ally. Nearly a quarter, on the other hand, think that Pieck’s inclusion would have ended the story right then and there. The rather small minority of the other responders think that Pieck would not have been useful had she participated in the mission.

GABI HAS ALWAYS BEEN A CONTROVERSIAL CHARACTER. HAS MAPPA BRINGING HER TO LIFE CHANGED YOUR FEELINGS TOWARD HER? 342 Responses

64.6% of respondents overall have positive feelings toward Gabi as of right now, with 39.5% having already been enjoying her character throughout the manga. 25.1% now view her more positively with her being brought to life. 20.2% don’t really care about Gabi either way, and 11.7% feel very negatively toward Gabi, without the anime swaying their opinions. 

Gabi still sucks

Sakura ayane as gabi is probably the best thing to happen to me all year

WITH SUCH A DIALOGUE-HEAVY ARC, CUTS WERE INEVITABLE. WHICH CUTS WERE YOU DISAPPOINTED IN, AND WHICH CUTS CAN YOU LIVE WITH?

Overwhelmingly, the scenes that were most missed by manga readers were “Pieck walking on all fours/scaring Porco”, “Zeke mentioning the Ackerman Clan”, “Reiner’s smirk when his family talks about ‘Island Devils’”, and “The imagery of Eren and Armin wrecking ships”. Smaller character details, such as Reiner mentioning how he acted like Marcel on Paradis, Gabi wishing to understand Reiner’s feelings, Falco pointing out how Reiner almost had the Armor taken from him, were also very missed by manga readers, although just less so. 

General Calvi talking about Zeke’s loyalty, Gabi getting praise from her parents when they reunite, and Magath trashing the Marleyan navy, were moments that many respondents didn’t feel strongly about one way or another, or felt that these were details that weren’t really needed anyway. 

Cutting the scene where Falcon talks about why Reiner kept the AT was really bad.  Also the table scene could have been better. Some imagery when Reiner was describing the 104th and his smirk.

The cuts the anime has done made the spectators less informed about some story background stuff. This is in order to direct attention to the marley's eldians planning how to overcome the world's disparagement towards the power of the titans. 

I'm sad they cut the gate guards. They humanize the marleyans a bit. Hope they add their scenes next episode and do them justice.

I hope we will get the Gabi/Reiner talk about understanding each other through PATHS when she eats him next episode

Gimme crawling best giiiirl

MAPPA cut Pieck's ass so this episode wouldn't be so ass centered with Zeke's ass wiping technique. This is my theory lol

Great episode but U was so looking forward to the Reiner scene talking about Paradis “devils”. In the mange it was a powerful scene really adding to the duality of Reiner and the pain he has, and the animation did not do it justice. Plus some parts of his speech were probably hard to understand for a non mange reader without the flashback. (Like which one is referring to Jean for example).  I really wish it had been better delivered

IS THERE ANY CHANCE WE’LL SEE SOME OF THESE CUTS ANIMATED IN A LATER EPISODE? 342 Responses

them into different scenes. Overall, the majority answered a big, fat, “maybe.” 15.8% are confident that what’s done has been done, and 12.6% are more optimistic that MAPPA will find a way.

Overall I was a bit disappointed. I feel like the amount of material cut from every conversation included really added up overall and gave it a very rushed feel to me. I really hope they add it all in later.

ON THE FLIP-SIDE, WHICH ADDITIONS/CHANGES DID YOU LIKE/DISLIKE?

The changes and additions that MAPPA made were overall viewed very favorably, with the scene of Porco and Pieck interacting with the warrior cadets being the most liked addition. This is followed closely by the overall character movement during dialogue scenes, the small detail about Pieck’s father being unwell, and Gabi shouting “Watashi!” on the train.

I loved the additional details made it very emotional

IT WAS A GREAT TIME TO BE GALLIPIECK TRASH

Sneakier Eren's a nice addition too

Porco my boiii I'm so happy he's here 💖💖💖💖 if mappa is adding some extra scenes then gimme more of gallirei 👀

WHICH SCENE FROM THE PREVIEW ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? 338 Responses

Unsurprisingly, 42% of respondents are hyped about Kenny’s brief return and Annie’s unlikely encounter with him in the Underground. 22.2% are eager to get that sweet Reiner angst as he is rejected by his Marleyan father. 17.8% are looking forward to Reiner’s training days.

ADDITIONAL THOUGHTS ON THE EPISODE?

great! it was inevitable they would cut stuff but it hasn't changed any major plot point or thing i would want to see desperately 

It was just really great to see the scenes animated, it adds another level of depth and understanding to the story I believe. 

Loved anime-onlies missing Eren completely. Some even thought it was him but then noticed the leg and thought against it

I think it was very well done. Just need a little getting used to with MAPPA on the reins now. I think MAPPA added some scenes to show how those Eldians over there are still just human after all and they have their own problems to deal with. 8/10 episode.

I feel like they took a lot of emotion way from reiner. made him seemed stoic and determined to go to the island even though in the make he looked scared about having to return. 

I thought the rotoscoping was really well done! I’m happy with the pacing, the fact that the episode felt like it went by fast is good considering it was dialogue based.

Incredible. The direction, the cinematic quality, we are feasting. MAPPA is elevating the story beyond anything I could have imagined! I'm beyond hyped for the rest!! But where is asshole Marley guards/Hobo!Eren's appearance as a favorite moment?!

Incredible, it adapts the source material very well while adding some touches that make it unique in it's own way. As a manga reader, I'm really glad that they're doing this because it feels like a completly different experience from reading it and makes me excited on what changes or directing choices they're going to make during the course of the season, great job so far MAPPA!

Such an amazing episode. Made 20mins feel like 5. MAPPA is doing fantastic. The characters have never felt more alive and the animation style is something I never knew I wanted until now. 

I can't believe they didn't cast Mads Mikkelsen to voice Mads Mikkelsen

The episode was good but the dinner scene didn't do justice to the manga. It didn't have the same feeling to it. I saw a lot of anime onlys thinking Reiner was just trying to talk shit about the 104th. I feel like the flashbacks during that part in the manga gave it a nostalgic feeling that helped convey what he truly felt about his time on the island. His facial expressions were not quite there either. Specially sad because it was the moment I was expecting the most this episode and because it's a big part of Reiner's character, maybe next episode can kind of fix this.

I haven't seen the anime only poll results, but given personal conversations with them I imagine quite a few could care less about the Warriors and are looking forward to the 104th showing up to stir shit up. Boy are those folks in for a treat :)

I knew I'd feel more attached to all of them once they got animated. I didn't expect getting real thirsty for Lainah.

I was so happy with how much detail MAPPA put into the background scenery. Also, I think that an underrated moment during this episode was the Marlian douchebag triggering the Eldian soldier’s PTSD. You could really feel their terror, and THEY KEPT THE HOBO EREN PART IM SO HAPPY!

Its consistently very pretty and well animated which is great of course, but I worry the team won’t be able to maintain this quality for some of the meatier scenes in the later episodes. The fast pace of the episode (compared to the manga) as well as the many cuts make it a bit harder for scenes to stick, I wish there was a bit more breathing room at times. This also makes the fancy animation and frequent rotoscoping cuts feel less impactful for me—with every scene being cut down to its core ingredients, and every scene having at least one cut with more motion and energy than we’re used to, I can’t help but feel it all kind of mashes together without sticking out as much, leaving less of an impact. (I feel really really weird actually complaining about good camerawork/animation, what the hell lol) Also hobo <3

Plenty of questions about ass but no questions about the full ED? Or how we thought the episode did at hiding Eren in plain sight?

rip Reiner's chocolate abs :'(

The episode wasn't as interesting as the first one. I was yawning from time to time. Yet, I think that Mappa did a great job, because it's hard to animate full of  dialogues chapters. I was disappointed of the fact that flashbacks from Paradis have been cut. I hoped to see Sasha, Connie, Ymir and Marco while Reiner was speaking about them. Without the flashbacks we just got the dry speech and this way hard to say what Reiner is really thinking about people he met on Paradis. We - as manga readers - already are aware of his feelings, but anime onlies may not know and see Reiner as cold hearted person. I'm not complaining over animations or the OST tracks because no studio is perfect and some small mistakes here and there won't destroy my fun. I just sit and enjoy the episode. 

Very good, with the exception of the dinner scene, in which the director missed the mark completely with the tone.

WHERE DO YOU PRIMARILY DISCUSS THE SERIES? 328 Responses

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