#(Also just to be clear: The main character is basically the only human in the bulk majority of this story)

[thewirewitch]

Leaving off my writing in a part that I wanted to get to so that I have motivation to continue writing the next day.

My evil plan for future me mwah ha ha >:)

[masterhallmark]

Rant incoming

I feel like the problem with a lot of Disney's live action remakes (and arguably Wish) is they're trying to appeal to a crowd that no longer exists, namely the people who used to claim that the Disney Princesses were sexist.

All the interviews tend to include, "Well she's not chasing a MAN anymore" which...almost no one sees the princesses like that, anymore. Virtually NO ONE still believes the princesses are man-chasing sexist caricatures of women.

Cinderella is now hailed as an abuse victim who stayed strong long enough to get help to get out of her situation. Anyone who says she should have saved herself is basically regarded as a victim blamer. And it's very clear in the film she wasn't looking to marry the prince, she just wanted a night off. She was the only one who wasn't in line to meet him. She didn't find out she met the prince until he went looking for her!

Snow White is now hailed for her negotiation skills, ability to calm down after extreme stress (she had a moment of panic and had to cry for a bit, but who wouldn't after finding out The Queen hired someone to kill you?), and ability to take charge of a house of adult men. And again, she was an abuse victim, this time trying to escape ASSASSINATION ATTEMPTS. While she dreamed of her prince, it was secondary to her main goal of SURVIVAL. There are also entire video essays about how Snow White gave hope to people during The Great Depression.

Everyone acknowledges that Ariel wanted to be human BEFORE meeting Eric. We all know she was a nerd hyperfixating on humans, and also standing up to her prejudiced father.

We understand Sleeping Beauty wasn't the main character, the Three Good Fairies were, AND PHILLIP WOULD NEVER HAVE BEATEN MALEFICENT WITHOUT THEM! He literally depended on them! WOMEN SAVED THE DAY! But even then, is it really such a sin for a girl to fantasize about romance and fall for someone with corny pickup lines?

We all understand Jasmine just wanted someone to treat her LIKE A PERSON. She rejected every Prince before Aladdin because they treated her like a prize. So why did they need her to want to be Sultan? How did that make her more feminist when she already wanted to be treated like an equal and have a say in her future? Is it only empowering if you want a career in politics?

We admire that Belle, despite living in a judgemental village, was kind to everyone (even though she found the village life dull), and her story teaches girls that the guy everyone else loves isn't always a good guy. What's sexist about teaching girls about red flags? And she didn't start being nice to The Beast until he started treating her with respect and kindness.

Do I really NEED to defend Mulan or Tiana? I think they speak for themselves.

Rapunzel was yet another abuse victim who just needed a little help to get out of her bad situation. In this case, she also needed to learn that she was an abuse victim, and that what Mother Gothel did WASN'T normal, much like many victims of gaslighting.

And don't get me started on the non-princess animals.

Perdita had a healthy relationship with Pongo to the point she was open to express her pregnancy fears to him, and was ready to TEAR APART Cruella's goons for daring to touch her puppies as well as adopting the other puppies. Like, she was so ferocious the goons mistook her for a hyena! She's basically that "I AM THAT GIRL'S MOTHER!" scene from SpyXFamily if Yor were a dog. She and her husband were a TEAM.....but they made a Cruella live action to turn her into a girlboss?! The literal animal abuser!? THAT'S the woman you wanted to put on a pedestal when Perdita was RIGHT THERE!?

Duchess kept her kittens calm after they had been catnapped and was classy as heck. Nice to everyone regardless of social class during a time period where that was uncommon.

Lady stood up to Tramp when she believed he had abandoned her and didn't really care about her. She found out he was a heartbreaker and was like, "Nuh uh. No. You are not doing that to me! You put me through enough."

Miss Bianca from The Rescuers was IN CHARGE the whole movie, and was willing to risk life and limb to save an innocent child. THAT TINY MOUSE TOOK ON ALLIGATORS! And she picked Bernard to accompany her because he was the only one who wasn't ogling her. And then in the sequel SHE DID IT ALL AGAIN! I wish I were as brave as her.

Like, the public haven't accused these ladies of being sexist caricatures since 2014 (Actresses and actors don't count, they're out of touch like the rest of Hollywood) yet Disney is operating under the assumption that the public still thinks that way, hence all the "sHe'S nOt AfTeR a MaN iN ThIs VeRsIOn" talk.

The live action remakes are trying to attract an audience that doesn't really exist much, anymore, and back when it did exist, was comprised mainly of people who didn't actually watch the films. The Disney princesses are no longer seen as sexist, and feminine qualities are no longer seen as weak or undesirable.

[eff-plays]

Ok so I watched the interview with Stephen Rooney, Astarion's writer, and here are some highlights. (I'm an aspiring writer and current game design student who wants to write for games so I'm sorry if some of these insights aren't as interesting to you as they are to me <3)

He calls Astarion his "horrible little vampire boy"

He loves seeing the fandom around Astarion<3

He did write other characters in the game, but mostly NPCs surrounding Astarion or his storyline, so it mostly revolved around Astarion

Astarion is not as connected to other companions/Origins as, for example, Lae'zel and Shadowheart, or Wyll and Karlach are to each other, but he is still reactive to their stories, even if it's just to stand off to the side and laugh when something terrible happens

He had a clear sense of where Astarion's story would start and end, but it got "muddy in the middle", but those are also moments where the best ideas come from

They write from the general idea that every character has one "good" and one "evil" ending, in order to give the player choice. RIP Ascendant apologists :(

According to Stephen, two of the most important aspects of Astarion's character (to keep consistent when bringing him to Idle Champions, at least) is that he enjoys violence, but is also fun about it

"He has a certain appreciation for violence, I guess? A bit of a murdery streak. [...] He's a vampire, he's all about blood, and he's all about, kind of, those darker sides of humanity. [..] But at the same time, he is ... He is really fun, he's really fun to write, he's really fun to have in your party, and it's very important for me that that is also represented."

"He's gonna stab you, but will have a smile on his face as he does it? I mean, I dunno. That's kind of him in a nutshell."

Larian would not have allowed for Astarion to be a typical brooding Dracula type, and there were scenes that were shot down for not being original enough

The main thing about Astarion was trying to get a "sense of fun." It would be easy to write a character that was very unlikable, and they absolutely did not want to do that

Rooney says Astarion is consistently terrible throughout the game and awful in a whole lot of ways, but he also needed to be charming enough that you could tolerate his presence and wanted him around

Rooney also had a lot of input on Astarion's stats (meaning the 10 Charisma is probalby 100% intentional)

He also had input on how certain lines should be delivered, even though the writers didn't directly work with voice actors

The way Astarion moves and poses is "all Neil"

Apparently, Neil Newbon worked on the character for years and Rooney did not speak to him once, though his voice work did influence how Astarion's lines were written and it became a "feedback loop" (Possible context for "ONLY SLIGHTLY, NEIL")

There were no points where a line delivery drastically changed Astarion's writing; rather it was a constant, slow evolution

However, there was one very spoilery moment where Neil gave such emotion to some "basic" lines that it fundamentally changed the scene (WHAT IS IT OMG)

It's difficult to balance approval, as you don't want to straight up write a monster. Every character needs to have some humanity in them. So if it comes to leaving the party, it needed to be the result of something central to said character. They wanted to be mindful of situations that would cause actual rifts between characters. (I assume this is why most generic disapprovals/approvals are +/- 1 or 2, while character-related ones give +/-5 or more)

However, as they don't write straight up horrible people/monsters, it doesn't come up as often as one might think.

The interviewer makes a point about how characters like Astarion and Lae'zel are good examples of how to play "evil" characters, as they are maybe not the best people but are still eager and willing to stick around the other party members

They worked to make sure the characters would work as a group, no matter the configuration of the group. The characters needed to be on the same path, even if they don't always agree or walk that path the same way.

Stephen Rooney is very proud of the "climactic" scene of Astarion's story. (AS HE SHOULD BE.) He even had to step away from the computer and have an emotional moment. Me too, man.

He's also "extremely pleased" that there's a point where you can punch Astarion in the face. "Actually, that one might be my favorite part" A MAN OF THE PEOPLE!!

Stephen Rooney's tip on what specific thing you should try out with Astarion: When he's trying to get a "sneaky nibble" at night, you should "probably" let him bite you. Way ahead of you there, sir.

No discussion about Astarion's romance unfortunately, but that's that!

[tofixtheshadows]

You guys really need to stop and consider the ways you're talking about Kabru I am dead fucking serious. Like I know that flattening characters is just what fandom does to a certain extent, but Kabru's actual personality is getting lost to the fandom hivemind insisting that he's aggressive/cruel/sociopathic/hateful, and these are particularly concerning takes to see leveled at the only brown character in the main cast day after day. "My poor sweet golden child Laios needs to be protected from this scary brown man" is not a good look! Like, it's very telling that the bulk of the hate and bad faith readings are reserved for Toshiro and Kabru. Everyone else's flaws get to be discussed and validated and forgiven (or erased), meanwhile people are straight making up things to be mad about with Toshiro and Kabru but patting themselves on the back for being smart.

The worst part is how undeserved it all is. I'm trying to lay off anime-onlys because we're still kind of in the red herring stage of getting to know Kabru, but I would still like to gently suggest that even if you think Kabru is up to something, you don't gave to get in the tags of every fan creator's post and bring up how you hate him or You Can Tell he's totally evil. Sometimes I think Kabru's blue eyes give people license to say things about his appearance that they know would sound completely racist otherwise, but referring to his blue eyes acts as a get-out-of-racism free card. The jokes about the dog with brown contacts are getting old, by the way.

For people who have read the manga, it's disappointing. Kabru is one of the most complex and important characters in the story, and if you base your interpretation of him and all your fandom interactions on shallow first impressions you are completely missing out.

I know part of this is because Dungeon Meshi is a comedy, but the story also wants to be taken seriously. For example, it's admittedly really funny when Chilchuck calls Laios "sick in the head", but that doesn't change the fact that the way Chilchuck casually belittles Laios caused him to hide the fact that he was "hallucinating" from his friends for weeks. Those feelings matter.

Like, this

is funny.

But this?

Is not. This is just a very clear example of a brown boy with PTSD. As someone else with PTSD, just looking at this fucking sucks, man.

The only reason why Kabru thinks about killing Laios is because he is in the middle of a flashback. He's struggling through a panic attack. If he truly wanted to kill Laios because he's violent or because he finds Laios inherently annoying, he wouldn't otherwise talk with Laios normally. Notice how he doesn't act this way at any other point in the story- it's just because he's triggered by monsters. Even when he's thinking about his plans to "deal with" Laios later, he's reluctant to actually kill him and only considers it to prevent another tragedy. Despite his deadly skills, Kabru relies far more on "soft" power- insight, persuasion, diplomacy. He's a rare example of a character who absolutely is, or at least can be, manipulative, but seems to use his abilities for good. He's not a pathological liar, he isn't looking down on everyone behind a smile. He's someone who is extremely emotionally intelligent, and he's willing to put aside all his own basic wants and needs to stop the cycle of dungeons devouring humans.

I'm going to cut a potential thesis on his character short and just give some examples of things that fandom should consider about his personality more:

Racism in fandom isn't just about whitewashing in fan art, or using racial slurs. The insidiousness of bad faith readings, reductions to racist tropes, lack of fan content for characters of color, and dismissal of a character's complexity are far more common. You can believe yourself to be completely neutral or even positive about a character and still churn out low-grade bile about them into fandom's collective unconscious. Fandom reflects real life.

And I have been around fandom long enough to see how these behaviors (mostly from my fellow white fans) affect fans of color, how it makes a fandom feel hostile and unwelcome to them. It's fun to make jokes and memes, I'm absolutely not saying that everything needs to be a deeply nuanced take, but we need to be careful that it doesn't veer into toxicity. Please think about how our contributions to fandom come across, and what sort of vibes they cultivate in this communal space.

[the-writer-arrived]

(Arranged) Married Life with Jing Yuan

Synopsis: you became jing yuan's spouse! but it was through an arranged marriage... how do you and him navigate through your married life?

Character: jing yuan.

Warnings: gender neutral!reader, long post, mix of headcanons and drabble, a sprinkle of angst here and there, there will be a nsfw part but it will have a warning, no mention of reader's genitals.

A/N: finally caught up with hsr main story and this man suddely got me into a chokehold... and now i'm sad i don't have him ):

also, i know there are tons of fics with this prompt with him, but i wanted to make my own version hehe.

SFW

Early Stages

Due to many reasons, you got into an arranged marriage with Jing Yuan, the Arbiter-General of the Xianzhou Luofu's Cloud Knights.

You weren't exactly experienced in the field of dating, preferring to focus your attention and interest in the field of your liking.

So, to say you were thrilled to be kind of forced to become someone's spouse is quite far from the truth.

Not that you dislike the general or anything! On the contrary, you have high regard not only for his incredible achievements in the battlefield throughout the many centuries, but also for the fact that he hasn't succumbed to the mara to this day.

What you don't understand is why were you chosen to be the spouse of a man so incredible? In your opinion, you don't have any outstanding qualities or stand out in your workplace and you consider your appearance to be nothing extraordinary for a human of the long-life species...

Well, your opinion is wrong, you beautiful, handsome, pretty, outstanding and amazing person!!!

TLDR: you believe that you are unworthy of being by general Jing Yuan's side, so you decide to keep your distance and naively think that he wouldn't notice nor be bothered by that.

Again, wrong!!!

After the wedding cerimony, which was barely a cerimony at all due to the true nature of the union, Jing Yuan noticed how you always found an excuse to be busy with something and spent the least amount of time with him.

And when you do... You don't act rude or anything, you engage in conversation when he attempts to start one, but he can feel a wall between you two.

Despite the circumstances of your relationship, Jing Yuan truly wishes to get to know you, to become closer to you... However, if you don't share his sentiment, then he shall respect your decision.

You are strolling around the streets of the Exalting Sanctum after basically being kicked out of your workplace for the day, the reason being that "you spend way too much time here, go live your life a little!" (words said by your boss earlier).

What should you do with this unexpected free time...?

You remember it's been some time since you have last seen Jing Yuan (one thing he had asked you to do is to call him by his name, instead of 'general' and you complied, even if you feel a bit awkward), so you decide to head to the Seat of Divine Foresight.

When it comes to the seasoned general, one would rarely find him in his office and, if you do, it'd just be his hologram... So, imagine your surprise when you not only find him there, but also it's Jing Yuan in the flesh!

He dismisses Qingzu, who gives a polite bow to the general and you, and offers you his full attention.

"What a pleasant surprise. What brings you to the Seat of Divine Foresight?" He asks you with a smile.

"I, um..." You're momentarily distracted by his face, but you recover soon, clear your throat and try again. "I was wondering if you were free for a little bit and if you would like to... spend some time with me?"

You mentally curse yourself for making it sound like a question, rather than an invitation. Why is it so hard for you to act normally with him?!

Jing Yuan, either unaware or not bothered by your nervous behavior, answers you.

"Ah, what a great timing you have. I do happen to have the afternoon free today and I'd love to spend it with you..." He lets his words trail off for a second, before adding one more thing. "...But only if that is something you also truly want."

"I got a day off, so I thought I should spend it with you in case you had the time. After all, it's expected for spouses to do that, right?"

The general closes his eyes, humming in thought and your stomach flips in an unpleasant way. You suddenly regret your words.

"I see... The last part is exactly why I had to ask you. I don't want to force you to do anything you don't want to, just because it is 'what's expected' of us."

"N-NO!" You cringe at the high volume of your voice, mumbling a small sorry. "I-I mean, it's not that I don't want to! It's just... I..."

Seeing that their conversation is taking a more serious turn, Jing Yuan gently guides you to a more secluded room, where you don't have to be self-conscious about other people hearing what you have to say.

In there, you fumble a bit more with your words, but you decide to be honest about your feelings for the first time. You tell Jing Yuan about the true reason you kept your distance from him, how inadequate you feel to deserve to be called his spouse, your lack of romantic relationship experience, your fear of doing or saying something that might affect his reputation and many other things you've been holding in.

Jing Yuan listens with a heavy heart. On the one hand, he's glad that you don't dislike him, but on the other hand, he feels sad that the true reason for your distance is that you believe you are 'unworthy' of being with him...

The general knows that isn't something that can be changed with just a couple of reassuring words, however he wants you to know that you can confide in him. With that in mind, he also shares the worries he's had this whole time regarding your relationship and how he has been a coward for not reaching out to you earlier to clear up this misunderstanding.

After this much needed heart to heart, you feel tired but oh so lighter now. And when Jing Yuan asks you again if you want to spend the rest of the afternoon with him, you gladly accept it.

Warming Up to Each Other

After that talk, the relationship between you two improved by leaps and bounds.

You were worried that you wouldn't have much to talk about with Jing Yuan, but, once again, you were wrong!

You two spend a lot of time chatting, getting to know each other's likes and dislikes.

Jing Yuan often invites you to his starchess matches with Yanqing. Whether you play with them or just observe, it is very fun to watch the general and his retainer interact.

Both you and the young lieutenant were a bit awkward in the beggining, but you bonded soon enough.

The biggest proof of that is that one time you and Yanqing challanged Jing Yuan to a match of chess, confident that two minds will be enough to defeat him!

Spoiler alert: you both lost :D but there were moments when the general almost made some terrible moves because he was too distracted observing his retainer and his spouse working together with a fond look in his eyes.

At some point, being referred to or having to introduce yourself as Jing Yuan's spouse stopped being a cause of discomfort and became somewhat natural.

(Something he always reminds you is that you are your own person, first and foremost, so when he introduces you to someone, he never defines you as just his spouse).

And Jing Yuan, like a good general that he is, saw that as an opportunity to capture your heart.

This guy I swear... He uses any and every chance to charm you.

I'm sorry but I refuse to use the word 'rizz'.

You may not have much first-hand experience in relationships, but you're not that oblivious to his advances.

Genuine compliments, surprise gifts because 'he thought you'd like them', hands 'accidentaly' bumping frequently during your walks...

Really, he's almost acting like those videos of a male bird trying to impress the female one.

And it's not that you want to reject him! You just feel a bit embarrassed... Until you remember you two are literally MARRIED.

Aeons save this pair of dorks.

The first time you hold Jing Yuan's hand after he kept brushing it against yours, the general doesn't even try to hide the happy smile blooming on his face.

You'd seen him smile many times before, but that particular one will forever be integrated in your mind forever.

As for your first kiss... It happens as an accident.

You are in the Seat of Divine Foresight, sitting next to Jing Yuan while he goes through his endless pile of scrolls, reports and other types of paperwork he has to deal with. He really couldn't put them off anymore, but he also didn't want to completely cancel his plans of seeing you, so here you are...

It isn't what you had expected for the day, but you don't mind all that much. After all, it is a bit amusing to watch the general frowning like a child being forced to sit down and do his homework.

After some time mindlessly scrolling through your phone, you receive a message from your coworker, saying that something urgent came up and asking if you could come early to help.

"Sorry, I have to leave now. Something came up in my workplace and they need my help." You speak quietly to not interrupt too much of Jing Yuan's concentration.

You feel a bit bad for cutting your quality time together like this, so you lean closer to the general's face to give him a peck on his cheek as a farewell kiss.

What you don't expect, however, is for him to turn his face at the last second, probably with the intention to complain about you 'abandoning' him, which is quickly forgotten the moment your lips meet.

It... honestly isn't a nice kiss or a kiss at all. Mostly two pairs of lips mashed together and eyes blown wide in shock (you) and surprise (him). To make this whole thing even more mortifying (to you), you both are brought back to reality at the sound of an embarrassed Yanqing exclaming how 'the Seat of Divine Foresight isn't the place for PDA!!!!'

Daily Life

After you managed to recover from that marvelous and incredibly romantic, not at all cringy, accidental first kiss and gave Jing Yuan the green light... Well, your life has never been the same.

In the good sense of the phrase.

Congratulations, you now have a clingy husband!

Not that Jing Yuan wasn't clingy before, but he's been holding back quite a lot to not cross your boundaries with his touches.

Now that he can, though, good luck living without your personal space!

Whenever you two are out together, your husband always has to have some sort of contact with you: hand on your lower back, holding your hand or your pinky, arm wrapped around your waist if he wants to send a clear message that you're taken.

When you're in private, however, smooth Jing Yuan loses his place to clingy koala or lion? Jing Yuan.

The rare chances when the stars align and you both have a day off, don't expect to get out of bed in the morning and it's not even for nsfw reasons.

That man will trap you in a bear hug and will refuse to let you go... Unless you need to use the bathroom, but expect to be dragged back to bed the second you step out of there.

Jing Yuan will also use any and every opportunity to get a kiss from you: waking up? Kiss. Cooking? Kiss. Going to work? Kiss. Returning home? Kiss. You simply went to another room and came back to him? Kiss.

As much as he loves kisses on the lips, the general melts into a puddle whenever you brush his bangs away from his face, uncovering his other golden eye, to leave a gentle kiss on his forehead.

Another thing that makes Jing Yuan weak is hearing you call him your husband. It may be a bit weird to others, but considering how far you two have come since the awkward start of your relationship, it shows that your marriage feels genuine now.

Much like in any relationship, you two also have your ups and downs.

On the days you are in low spirits, please don't be afraid of saying what you want. Do you want him near? He'll hold you and lend a shoulder to cry on while you pour your heart out. You'd rather be alone? No problem at all, he'll give you space for as long as you wish, but he'll also buy your favorite snacks, a book you mentioned you were interested in, send Mimi your way in case you want to cuddle with the lion.

When Jing Yuan is the one feeling sad, that's when things get a bit tricky, because he'll try to keep it to himself and pretend that everything is fine to not worry you.

You know when Jing Yuan does that little thing of closing his eyes as if he's in pain before smiling? THAT SHIT BREAKS ME MAN.

You have to remind this silly man of yours that he doesn't have to hide his uncertainties and fears from you, since you are his spouse and not a soldier that will lose morale at the sight of the Arbiter-General showing 'weakness'.

Jing Yuan, general of the Cloud Knights for many centuries, had received training to withstand pain on the off-chance of being captured by the enemy forces and possibly tortured in an attempt to extract information about the Xianzhou Alliance. Due to that, any and every secret and relevant information shall never escape from his tightly sealed lips.

...But then, how do you manage to do it?

With a single pull of his shoulder, you have him laid down on your lap, your defty fingers freeing his hair from the red ribbon and untangling the stubborn knots of his white locks...

When Jing Yuan realizes it, it's already too late. Feelings from deep inside his heart are pouring out of his lips before he can stop it. His worries, his fears, the nightmares that plague him, the sadness of reuniting with old friends just to find out they aren't the same as he remembers...

He doesn't understand how you do it.

"I will be by your side in sickness and in health, for the good and the bad. So, please, my love... Don't carry it all by yourself. Don't shield me from your pain, let's face it together. I shall do the same."

That is what you had said to him one time.

Jing Yuan has a high pain tolerance, but all it takes is a single touch, a single word, a single glance from you for his defences to crumble down.

He now understands that your secret technique to make him talk is to show your love.

The content ahead is about sexual themes and is not suitable for minors. If you continue reading, I am not responsable for any discomfort you may feel with this. You have been warned.

NSFW

Your Sexual Lives

First of all, I am a firm believer that our Jing Yuan here is a big switch.

There are days when he's the dom and will make you lose the hability to think of anything else aside from him. And there are days when he's the sub, completely at your mercy to have him roll his eyes back in pleasure.

For your first time together, it is more of an exploration and getting to know each other's bodies. Even if you've had sex before in your life, it is always a new experience with a new person.

There isn't much that Jing Yuan isn't down to give it a try in the bedroom. However, he draws the line with things that can cause you serious pain like knifeplay or hardcore BDSM practices, and the more unsanitary kinks.

He isn't against degradation per se, but he can't bring himself to not mix it with a few praises.

Phrases such as "My slut is doing so well, taking my cock all the way in." or "What a pretty little thing you are, darling... Don't even look like your mouth is my favorite cumdump." make you moan so loud it's embarrassing.

When your husband is in a dom mood, he muffles his sounds the best he can by biting down on his lips or burying his handsome face in the crook of your neck, not because he's ashamed of them, no no no. He does that so he can listen to your cries and moans and babbles, while the bullies your hole.

It's just so hot for him to know he can turn you into a mess, speaking nothing but his name and how good it feels and how full you are.

Speaking of full, my man here causes quite the stretch, so thorough preparation and lube are needed for you to have the least amount of pain when being on the receiving end of the penetration.

He may end up making you cum on his fingers alone during prep tho, but you don't consider that a bad thing anyway.

When Jing Yuan is in a sub mood, by the Aeons, one may think he wants all the Xianzhou ships to know how good you're fucking him.

I'm kidding he's not THAT loud, but he doesn't make any effort to be quiet either. You wouldn't want him to anyway.

Gosh his groans are just hhMMMMMM SO DAMN HOT.

Do you see that white mane of hair he has? Give it a good pull, especially when you're taking him from behind, and marvel at the delicious sounds he makes.

Regarding his stamina, it's one or one hundred, there's no in between.

There are days when he can fuck you the whole night long (rip you in the next morning) and there are days when he can only take two rounds at most, before he's snork mimimimi next to you (he's not known as the 'Dozing General' for nothing).

But don't worry, he would never forget about aftercare! Water, a clean towel, snacks and anything else that you mind need or want after sex will be prepared before you guys start.

One of Jing Yuan's favorite ways of waking up is with you slurping on his slowly-hardening cock (all consensual of course, we don't work with non-con in this household!).

You don't know which one has the best POV during this moment: you, with the sight of him a bit dazed from sleep, brows furrowed with cheeks colored pink and hair all messy; or him, seeing you between his legs, licking and stroking his shaft, lips glistening with your own saliva and his pre-cum and pupils blown wide with lust that makes his hips buckle forward as a way to beg you to swallow him whole.

On days he doesn't feel as tired after making love with you, he enjoys taking a bath with you to relax, massaging any parts of your body that may be sore and giving sweet kisses on the hickeys and marks he left on you.

You feel so relexed, so safe, so loved that you can't help resting your eyes while he cleans you up...

The sound of a deep, gentle voice calling for name, along with a caress on your cheek stirs you awake. You blink a few times, your head turning to the source of the voice that is now chuckling. You see a pair of golden eyes staring at you lovingly, but with a hint of amusement too.

"Sorry for interruping your beauty sleep, my love, but you might catch a cold if you fall asleep in the bath."

"I wasn't sleeping. I was just resting my eyes for a bit..." Jing Yuan chuckles again, noticing the way your eyelids struggle to stay open.

Despite his previous words, he doesn't make any effort to keep you awake. Instead, he begins to hum a tune while he continues to wash your body.

You let out a sigh of bliss, leaning your back further on his strong chest. Your senses are engulfed by him: his touches, his warmth, his voice...

You love being surrounded by him, be it like when he was pounding you mercilessly earlier or taking care of you softly like right now.

"Dear?" Your husband shifts his attention to you, stopping his singing to hear what you have to say. You cup his cheek and give him a peck on the corner of his mouth. "I love you."

Jing Yuan's eyes widen in surprise for a second, before they soften with a smile gracing his lips.

"I love you too, my beloved." He gently holds your chin to give a proper kiss on the lips.

You thank the Aeons for allowing you to cross paths with the man before you. All the difficulties and challanges in the beggining were all worth facing, now that they have brought you to this moment.

To love and feel loved like this... You hope to hold onto these feelings for the rest of your life as you walk towards the future with Jing Yuan.

thanks for reading! likes, reblogs and comments are very appreciated <3

heart divider made by @/cafekitsune

pink jing yuan banner (fluff) made by @/the-writer-arrived aka yours truly ;)

[nanowrimo]

Smash Your Word Count Goals in 3 Easy Steps

from our sponsors at Freewrite

Here at Freewrite, we help writers reach peak productivity in order to meet word count goals and create their best work yet. That’s our reason for being.

Today, we’re going to share the three easy steps proven by science to help you reach your writing goals!

1) Set A Goal & Write It Down

The psychology of goal setting is pretty clear. It’s what NaNoWriMo is all about, right? Research has proven that people who set goals experience higher motivation and are more likely to feel accomplished.

However, the type of goal you set makes a big difference to your efforts. Make sure that your goals are (a) clear and specific, (b) realistic, and (c) measurable.

Being clear about your goal will help you hone in on what you’re trying to achieve and ignore distractions. Make sure to write it down, as well. Research by psychologist Gail Matthews has revealed that people who write down goals are 33% more successful than those who simply set a goal in their head.

Next, be realistic. This means being honest with yourself about what you can and can’t achieve based on your other life obligations. Setting goals that you can’t achieve will only lead to frustration and, ultimately, a lack of motivation.

And last, make sure each goal is measurable. “Write 1,000 words each day” is much easier to measure than “Finish this book.” Because we all know it’s difficult to measure a book being “done”!

Breaking these goals down into smaller, simpler steps will help, too. If your goal is to write 20,000 words during Camp NaNo, break that down into 5,000 words a week, and then figure out how many words you’ll have to write each day to reach those smaller goals.

2) Practice Freewriting

Freewriting is thinking. It’s as simple — and as difficult — as that.

While every writer is unique, and there is no one way to be a writer, there are similarities we all share as humans — especially humans in the modern world — that create common obstacles to doing the things we love — like reading, writing, and yes, thinking. There are the obvious external obstacles: social media, email, the internet. But there are sneaky internal obstacles, too — the main culprit being the inner critic.

As humans, we are judgmental. It’s in our DNA. Our brains are constantly assessing situations, imagining outcomes, and making decisions. It’s part of survival at a very basic level. However, that means that when we do anything, including writing, we tend to automatically assess our actions — judging our own words, tweaking and editing them as we go along. That constant evaluation not only hinders progress, it can also stop us from ever getting started. And if we do manage to sit down to write, that inner critic creates an unconscious anxiety that prevents us from experimenting and writing down our most innovative and creative — and weird! — ideas.

We’ve all heard the advice to “write now, edit later.” Or perhaps you’ve heard writers reference “the sloppy/crappy/messy first draft.” Those are just fun ways of referencing the writing method in which you separate the drafting process from the editing process. Or, what we call freewriting.

Many people haven’t written this freely since childhood, but there’s a reason this method is taught in MFA programs. Getting your thoughts down first and revising later increases productivity and yields better, more creative work because it allows you to give your brain fully to each task. It means that when you’re drafting, you’re drafting, and when you’re editing, you’re editing. There’s no context-switching or multitasking.

So, what if you gave yourself permission to write badly at first? And we don’t just mean cheesy or with glaring plot holes — we mean typos, missing words, character names replaced by big Xs because you couldn’t remember them in the moment.

The next time you draft, we challenge you to give it a try. Just let yourself go and give your thoughts and feelings over to the act of creating. Because that’s when the magic happens. 

3) Track Your Stats

OK, you’ve set measurable goals, and you’ve started drafting. What’s next?

Track your efforts!

Here at Freewrite, we’ve created a tool to automatically track important writing stats, like word count, writing days, writing streak, and more! It’s called a Postbox Profile, and it gives you a unique URL that allows you to share your stats with writing friends.

Anyone with a Postbox account — that’s anyone who writes on a Freewrite OR uses our free in-browser drafting tool, Sprinter — can create a Postbox Profile and track their stats.

👉Don’t have a Freewrite yet? No problem! We have a FREE in-browser drafting experience called Sprinter that helps you shut down distractions and make progress — and gives you access to Postbox. Start writing today absolutely FREE at sprinter.getfreewrite.com.

👉Ready to grab your own Freewrite? Our entry-level device, Alpha, is $50 off this June only! Just use code STARTWITHALPHA at checkout.

[cursedvida]

It's really crazy to me to see the hate Mae gets, like I was reading some reviews and I can understand not liking a character but as soon as they start with the name calling their opinion is invalid to me because they have no reason to be calling her a bitch, among other things, like it just reeks of mysogyny, (it's like they just want an excuse to call women names) and seeing it coming from other girls makes it worse like..

"Oh the girl was such a bitch why did she do that 🙄" ..is it really that hard to think for a moment about the circumstances in which mae was raised?? Do they need it spell it out for them?? Like, c'mon guys do you really think that the people trapped in a bunker for generations have anything nice to teach/say about the apes?? Wes Ball please give us Mae's backstory in the sequel!! Your audience needs it bc they are out there calling Mae the real villain and saying Proximus was right 💀 (when he was literally everything Caesar hated in an ape)

Look, I'm usually a polite person when expressing my opinions, but I'm fed up with the hate towards Mae, basically because the arguments people give seem incredibly basic to me, typical of people with little to no understanding. Sometimes I doubt if these people have watched the same movie as me or maybe they have some sort of cognitive dissonance, but seriously, I find them ridiculous. Either that, or they are basically the typical comments from misogynistic guys or women with internalized misogyny who can't stand morally gray and questionable female characters.

And well, having said that, I'm going to present my doctoral thesis on this topic:

One of the things I've seen the most is people saying that Mae is evil, the true villain, or an ungrateful traitor to Noa. This argument seems quite incomprehensible to me because, even though we don't have much data about her, I believe there's something very important that explains why she acts as she does: the Proximus apes killed the people in her group, including her mother. I mean: her damn mother. If we add to that the UNDERSTANDING (I mean, you have to be very short-minded not to assume something so obvious) that she has been raised in an environment where they've probably told her all her life that the apes are the reason for all the evils of humanity and the main reason why humans live in shitty conditions, I think anyone with half a brain has enough information to understand why she does what she does.

Yes, Noa is a good guy, but he's not helping her. Noa and Mae have a common goal and decide to ally themselves momentarily to achieve that goal, which is to reach Proximus. As much as they've formed a bond throughout the story, it's not yet strong enough for Mae to set aside what she has worked for so hard. Mae not only bears the weight of humanity on her shoulders but also emotionally carries the idea that she, as the sole survivor of her group, must complete the mission at all costs. Are those who criticize her telling me that if they truly thought that with certain actions they could not only save their species but also honor their loved ones who have been killed infront their eyes, they wouldn't do them? And that they wouldn't do them for someone they've just met, no matter how much they like them? That's just not realistic, it makes no sense. We would all do the same as Mae in her situation. I mean, I have no doubts.

Another thing I love is when they say she's the "true villain" as if it weren't clear enough that she feels bad every time since she forms a bond with Raka and Noa when she does something that she knows may harm them. She feels pain for Raka's death and clearly, you can also see the conflict and remorse when she detonates the bomb. It's not something she enjoys doing, but she HAS to do it. In the final scene, even though she's carrying a gun, you can also clearly see her in conflict with herself. Clearly, she doesn't want to kill him. Clearly, she has nothing against Noa, and this is evident when she finally accepts the necklace and they even shake hands. You can't tell me that's the attitude of a villain, narratively it's not presented as such, and seeing it that way is to have understood nothing.

Mae is a complex character whose life is based on survival, she's no different from the characters we're used to loving and idolizing in other post-apocalyptic series, the difference here for me is that she's human and humans have to be bad by default and also that she's a woman. Because female characters always have to be the support, the romantic interest, or the unconditional friends of heroic male characters, and Mae is none of that. Mae is a character with her own story and ambitions that go beyond Noa's plot. Mae has her own plot, and it seems that's something that bothers people a lot.

I'm sorry, but the hate towards Mae seems very similar to the one people had for Sansa Stark in Game of Thrones, which basically stemmed from people being misogynistic and hating complex and imperfect female characters, combined with how much they hate seeing protagonist characters with such human and real characteristics that they can't bear the idea of seeing themselves reflected in them.

But hey, for Sansa Stark, I would have killed, and now for Mae too. Mae haters basically DNI

[voiidlizrd]

Dorm Leaders With (slightly) Chaotic Star Child!Reader

Includes:

Riddle Rosehearts, Kamil Al Asim, Leona Kingsholar, Azul Ashengrotto, Vil Schoenheit, Iida Shroud, Malleus Draconia

Note: Reader isn’t the main character Yuu, gender neutral reader, fluff!!! Fluff all around. Im feeling particularly Found Family Today. Bit of angst because why not

Spoilers: Many include the Overblots in the game so major spoilers for some!

┌── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──┐

You were just something that got caught in the middle of the summoning spell that lead you to Night Raven College. Upon summoning, people immediately noticed how… Odd your magic was. Well, it wasn’t like you were doing magic right off the bat trying to set the place on fire (yet), but it was the fact you didn’t even HAVE to show off your powers for them to know that it was simply chaotic in nature. To the students upon your arrival, even Headmage Crowley, they felt that your magic was a pure vortex, your aura simply radiated pure, unhinged energy that couldn’t be contained.

Your appearance was relatively normal, well, aside from the pure white color that would sometimes tint your (e/c) eyes. And how sometimes people could see a faint glow where your heart was from underneath your ragged shirt that was four sizes too big and went down to your knees.

Yuu, who was already having a mind at how they even got to this weird magic school and was told that their world was basically nonexistent, kinda stared at you for a while but also felt a little bad when they noticed how you stared at every one else. It wasn’t that you looked sad, it was more the fact you had those wide eyes and blank face, like you hadn’t even seen people in a while.

Crowley felt like he was about to pass out. Not only did a magicless human show up (along with some fire breathing cat who almost set a student on fire), but another student showed up who’s not even NEAR the age to attend college!

There was a moment of silence before Crowley simply said, “Uhm… Well…” What was he suppose to do in this situation!? Send you home, he guesses. It’s far too dangerous to have a child here, even if they had some powerful magic on par to even Prince Draconia.

Crowley kneeled down to you with a soft smile, well, as soft as he could make it from how close he was to breaking down crying. How could this even be happening at his school!?

“Hello little one!” He said. “I am Dire Crowley, the Headmage at Night Raven College. It is a pleasure to meet you…” He trailed off, giving you a hint to tell him your name.

You were silent. Blinking at him with those big ol eyes. Then, “Y/N.”

“Ah! Y/N! Lovely name.” He smiles, taking your limp hand in his and shaking it gently. You blinked again and gripped his hand.

WHY IS YOUR HAND SO WARM ITS LIKE A DAMN FURNACE. Crowley thought his hand might be on fire now from how hot your hand was, as tiny as it was, and he could hear his leather gloves even sizzling under your grip. Meanwhile you just rapidly moved his hand up and down in a handshake like his, just more violent. He wretched his hand away from your hands and tried to keep a smile but it was very strained, he was sweating as he lightly chuckled.

“Now… Uh….” He cleared his throat. “Well, unfortunately, you are very young looking, if you don’t mind me saying,”

After all, some of the students looked like they could be in middle school!

“So, I’m afraid I’ll have to send you back home to your parents, alright?”

You said nothing. He decided to take that as a “yes” to get this night over with. He put his hand on your back and lead you up the stairs to the mirror, who’s face looked down at you.

“Magic Mirror! Send this child back to where they came!” Nothing. Oh for the Sevens sake- “…Mag-“

“The Star Child has fallen.” It said simply. “It burned too bright and fell from the sky. During its fall, it ended up here. The Star has no home to speak of to go to.”

…Well shit. Even worse! The room was tense and Crowley looked down at you. You didn’t seem to be bothered but you stared down at the floor, those eyes still big but a little dimmer now at the mention of falling. And now you had nowhere to go! What kind of man would he be if he just said; “well that sucks, anyways, off you go little one!” He sighed heavily again and rubbed his temple.

“Well… That’s… Fine!” He crouched down again. “Change of plans, little one, how about you just… Stay here until we figure out a proper home for you to be in? Maybe in one of the dorms!”

He picked you up and held you up to the Magic Mirror. The Mirror hummed for a moment.

“The Star Child is very bright. Their soul is shapeless but full of light to where it is hard to see past. They suit all of the dorms, yet none at all.”

“Well… That certainly is a predicament…” Crowley mumbled, setting you down, but you immediately looked back up at him and started to crawl up his body. He almost screamed at how terrifying it was to see your tiny body basically see him as a tree and scale up him to grab on his shoulders. He was sweating bullets now. It reminded him of those kittens that basically claw their way up your leg and you can’t even decide if you want to laugh or cry in absolute fear. He was pretty much wanting to scream and cry. Those stupid big eyes staring at him.

“…Alright then.” He patted your back awkwardly. Was this your way of asking to be held!? He basically had to force you down onto the ground.

“So! Change of plans. Since I am having to deal with this magicless human predicament because no dorm suits them-“

“I have a name y’know!” Yuu yelled, but Crowley didn’t even see to notice.

“And you are in a different situation. The Mirror said your soul was unshaped but full of potential to be in any one of the dorms…” He put a finger to his chin. “Yes… Yes! Yes this will do!”

“You will be sorted in one of the dorms to learn and be molded into a fine magic user! With that aura you have, you might go so far as to be the youngest mage to ever make it into Night Raven College and learn from the best! Ooohhh I am so generous!” Crowley was gushing at his own words as he looked down at you with promise, you simply just stared at him and the others who were staring at you.

“The dorm you shall be in is…”

╔══════╗

“Heartslabyul!”

What.

No. Seriously. What.

Not only does he have to deal with a literal child, he also has to deal with these new freshmen who clearly do not understand the sacred Queen of Hearts rules! Riddle isn’t all too happy with this situation, but it here is a chance he can shape you to be a well refined student, then he will do so!

But first he has to do something about your appearance. Your clothes are partly singed at the ends and you definitely need to be freshened up! He won’t have you looking untidy.

Crowley had brought you over to Riddle, who stood calm and poised with his hands behind his back.

“This is Riddle Rosehearts, the dorm prefect of Heartslabyul. He will be watching over you and teaching you about Twisted Wonderland.”

You stared at Riddle. He stared back at you. You didn’t even blink for a whole minute, then, you walked up to him and tried crawling up his body what the fu-

He promptly yanked you off of him and your grimy child hands were gripping his robe and he was clenching his teeth as you stubbornly held onto him. He managed to get you on the ground, but he had to hold back from using his signature spell on you. This was your one time to ever make this mistake. You clearly do not understand. But he shall teach you proper manners.

“Ahem.” He cleared his throat. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Y/N. However, please refrain from ever climbing on people. It isn’t polite.”

You stared at him. “No.”

No? What do you mean ‘no?’ Huh???

“Ridley.” Huh??!!?? That’s not even close to being his name!?

“It’s Riddle.”

“Rib.”

“Riddle.”

“Dil.”

He’s about to lose it. He breathes in deep as he pinches the bridge of his nose, then, he hears your low cackling, like you’re holding back yourself from giggling too loud. He looks at you, a mischievous grin looking back at him, your eyes that (e/c) color glowing a bit white as you snicker at him. He sighs internally. Another rule breaker, he can smell it, and he’s not gonna have it. His mother raised him to be a proper man, to follow the rules and have order, and he will teach you just the same. He won’t tolerate you antagonizing him.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

“Now, I shall teach you the manner of ‘rules’ here in Heartslabyul. We follow the great Queen of Hearts, who ruled over Rose Kingdom with order. I know all 810 of her rules and now, so shall you. Do you understand?”

One day after coming here to Night Raven you learn that Riddle sucks the fun out of everything. As soon as you got to the dorms with the freshmen and the returning students for their new year, he immediately told you that it was way past bedtime. Something about “rule 67 of the Queen of Hearts, one shall go to bed at exactly 8:30 on a weekday.” And then today, he sat you down in the dorm lounge and brought a heavy book.

“This is what you need to learn in order to be able to go through life. Rules here are very important and it a way to maintain absolute order over your kingdom. As a prefect, it is my job to uphold the Queen of Hearts rules to a tee. Though, since you are a bit younger than the others, I’ll give you some time to adjust. But do not think I will tolerate you actively rule breaking! There will be consequences to your actions, do you understand?”

You didn’t like this one bit. You frowned with a pout, Riddle clicked his tongue at you and crossed his arms.

“Do not pout or whine. You are not a toddler. Now, open to the first page and get to studying. I’ll be here the whole time to make sure you actually do it.”

This sucks. This really sucks. You burned up so bright in the sky when you thought about the universes out there, needing to see them all, despite all your siblings telling you to relax. You couldn’t help it! You burned so bright the colors exploded and stretched beyond the infinite space. When you ended up here you wanted to have some fun! Not be forced to read these stupid rules!

Turning the page to the first rule you wanted to die. You didn’t wanna read! Also…

How did you know how to read?

Whatever! It didn’t matter. You didn’t wanna! Your face scrunched again and looked at Riddle, who looked back at you with that typical “no nonsense” look. You stared at one another for a long time.

Then you ran.

“Y/N!!”

He chased after you and you ran through the halls with speed. How were you so fast!? Sure you were a child but you’re so fast! Other students moved out of the way as you ran, cackling down the halls as you did so. Trey was making tarts for the upcoming un-birthday party when he heard those giggles come into the kitchens, your figure darting in the kitchen and then out past Riddle when he entered, red faced and panting. He was sweating and grabbed the counter.

Trey chuckled at bit at Riddle. “…going well?”

Riddle growled a bit at Trey and swallowed. That’s when Trey noticed a missing baked tart from the “test tarts” he made. That’s when Riddle gritted his teeth. How did you manage to evade him AND get a tart in the process!?

“Get back you you little brat!”

Trey didn’t mind the little theft of the tart and watched as Riddle ran out of the kitchen. He laughed a little under his breath. You were gonna be an interesting addition to the bunch.

“Y/N DO NOT BRING THAT BOOK ANYWHERE NEAR THE FIRE! PUT THAT DOWN THIS INSTANT!”

…Maybe he should help…

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

You’ve been at the school for maybe a few days now and you like Riddle! You really do! Even if he is a big party pooper, he’s still really fun to mess with! Which is why you like him. You pull simple, harmless pranks every now and then. Salt in his tea rather than sugar, taking a shoe from a set pair of his and hiding it and having him chase you for it, dangling off the chandelier in the lounge and listening to Riddle yell at you while his face gets a beat red, putting glitter in his hairdryer, the works! It’s so fun messing with him and they aren’t doing damage to him, so it’s okay!

Then there’s the un-birthday day. You’ve never heard of it and it sounds like a big deal. With the dorm uniform Carter managed to get for you thanks to Crowley, you fit right along with the others! Though, it wasn’t helping that Riddle kept trying to fix your uniform. Or kept trying to check you for any of the hedgehogs you somehow keep hidden on your person at all times. You just love the little guys! Yuu was even there at the party too!

You were sat beside Riddle, mostly to stick to his side so you don’t try and cause something. Ace had walked over to Riddle and presented the walnut tart to him and things just went downhill from there with you in the mix.

“And you!” Riddle screeched during his rant, pointing an accusing finger at you. “You are nothing but a useless weed here! You do nothing for the kingdom with your stupid pranks and disgusting attitude! If it were up to me, you would be thrown out at once and left with the rest of the trash!”

You watched at the others fought against the now blotted Riddle with a slightly broken heart. By the time Riddle was finally defeated and sobbed openly in front of others, you kinda stood there in the background.

You’ve never felt this way before.

This much hurt made your chest ache inside and you began crying. You’ve never cried before. You ran off chaos and were a big buddle of energy, all full of light and little darkness in your heart without a need to feel any negative emotions. But now you were here in the world.

You sniffled a bit and rubbed your eyes, a little confused and very… sad, if that’s the word. Riddle was suddenly in front of you, standing awkwardly there, then he hugged you.

“I’m so sorry.” He said, clinging to you tightly. “I’m really sorry… I- I actually enjoyed your pranks a little! I liked when you smiled afterward. I liked when you made me chase you. It reminded me of playing outside with friends… Something I rarely did.”

“You aren’t useless at all! I didn’t mean those words at all.” Riddle frowned and almost started crying again. “I won’t be so harsh on you anymore. You don’t have to study the rules all the time. You don’t have to be like me.”

“Just… Don’t cry. Please. I don’t want you to cry because of me…”

You sniffed again.

Then you punched him on the chest.

“Your mean! I’m taking all your tarts! All your sweets! I’m taking everything from you!”

Riddle only smiled and held you even tighter while you shouted empty threats.

Since then, he’s more lenient on you. He doesn’t need to shape you to be just like him, like his mother wanted him, he can at least try to raise you the way he would want to be raised, with some freedom. Trey helps him because sometimes it’s hard to try and do something you weren’t taught to do.

“Savanaclaw!”

No.

No. Absolutely not. He has his brothers brat to deal with back at home. He does not want to deal with another brat here. He seriously wants a nap.

“This is Leona Kingscholar, prefect of Savanaclaw. He shall be looking over you and guiding you along your way!”

He stared at you with distaste. You stared back at him with those big eyes of yours. Then, you stared at his ears, which twitched, then, to his tail that lightly swayed behind him.

You then promptly grabbed it with your hands and had it in a tight grip, yanking the tail.

He hissed at you and lightly shoves you back. You stare at him. Then try to grab it again. He grabs the back of your shirt and lifts you up off your feet.

“Knock it off.”

“Are you a kitty? I’ve never seen them before.”

“I’m a lion.”

“Then you are a big kitty then.”

He sighs. He dislikes you already. He might just throw you into the care of Ruggie, the guy has plenty of siblings to speak of so he can take care of you. He seriously does not wanna deal with you, but, he has to keep you from making his form look bad. What a pain.

“Come on, brat.” He said, still carrying you by the back of your collar, which you didn’t seem to mind based on your grinning, trying to grab at his ears with your grubby mitts.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

He was just laying there peacefully in his room, the night was upon them after arriving back to the dorm. He was happy to sleep until…

He cracked one eye open and saw your glowing eyes in the dark staring back down at him. Leona swears, he started to dislike children even more. You were super creepy in the dark.

“What are you doing.” You asked.

“Trying to sleep. Which is what you should be doing. I gave you a room, didn’t I.”

The room he gave you was a vacant one only a few doors down from Ruggie’s room. If anyone should deal with you, it’s him. Please. But here you are, in front of him.

You continued to stare at him. “How do you sleep.”

“By closing my eyes and sleeping.” He groaned with a sigh and fully opened his eyes at you. “What do you want.”

“…I dunno.”

He felt a headache coming on. He turns his body over for his back to face you. You tilt your head at him and then caught eye to his tail again. You grabbed it with your hands and he immediately wanted to scratch you, but you weren’t gripping it like you hated him this time. You messed with it as it wriggled in your grasp and giggled lightly at the tail and then poked at the end, looking at it with fascination. You’ve never seen this before!

Then you climbed onto the messy bed and then started messing with his ears, which he lightly shoved your hands away, but then you went back to messing with them again.

“Stop.” He growled.

You remained silent, then lightly started petting him a bit. He huffed and sat up, grabbing you and putting you off the bed.

“Go to your room and go to sleep.”

“I don’t know how.” You said. “I’ve never slept before.”

Huh. You never slept before? Well if you are some star… thing… it sounded about right. He groaned for what seemed like the fifth time tonight and sucked his teeth and laying down on his back.

“Cmon, lay down,” he said, which you crawled back into the bed and mimicked his position, staring at him.

“Now shut your eyes.”

You shut your eyes and then waited, like he was, but nothing was happening. You felt antsy just waiting here in silence, but you kept your eyes firmly shut. Leona peaked at you and saw how you were tense, but said nothing. Eventually after a few moments, he heard you yawn and then move over to grasp at his arm. He looked at you and saw you completely passed out asleep.

Finally.

He yawned himself and fell asleep with you gripping his arm.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

“YOU DAMN BRAT!”

You were giggling and laughing when you snatched away his favorite sandwich Ruggie got for him from the dining hall, running away from the botanical garden with the sandwich in hand. You didn’t wanna eat it, but you wanted to mess with him a little since you were bored.

You had been sitting on his chest for like a whole hour trying to wake him up but he’s been ignoring you. You tried napping with him to maybe get why he naps, but you got bored of that quickly.

Now you were escaping a cranky and hungry lion!

“GET BACK HERE!” You turned a corner down the hallway, pasting a bunch of students who moved out of your way, then you saw a beast man seeing Leona chase after you and tried to grab you, but you were a slippery thing and manage to dodge him!

Then you were suddenly tackled to the ground with Leona holding you to his chest as you were squealing with laughter and trying to wiggle your way out.

“Give me back my damn food.” He growled at you, trying to snatch it from you but you kept moving it away from him, even with him holding you.

Then you gave up and gave it to him. “Thank you for playing with me Leo!”

He doesn’t even correct you on his name. “Go bother someone else!”

He tried walking away, maybe hoping that you’d try and find Ruggie, but no, he looks over his shoulder and sees you happily following him.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

It had been after Leona’s Overblot and you didn’t even bother to leave the infirmary to see the Magift game, whatever it was. You sat a bit away from Leona’s bed in a chair with your knees against your chest, staring away from him. During his Overblot he called you a nuisance, which, you won’t bother trying to deny you were being annoying to Leona, but it still stung a bit. Leona could tell you were off based on how quiet you are and the fact you had a certain smell about you, as if your magic had dimmed a bit and it was clear by your eyes that you weren’t glowing as bright anymore.

He sighed. He hated apologizing but he would do it if you stopped having that sad look about you. “Hey, brat,”

You looked up to him, pouting a bit. He sighed again, more agitated.

“What I said… Uh…” He swallowed his pride. “I’m sorry.”

You blinked at him and tilted your head, like a confused puppy. And looked away. “Do I really bother you…? Do you really not like me? I promise I’ll stop. I’ll be better.”

Okay now that hit him harder than it needed to.

“You don’t need to ‘be better’, not for a guy like me. Sure, you are annoying,” he watches you deflate a bit. “But… If you stopped with your antics, I’d probably get antsy just waiting for you to do something. It wouldn’t be good, especially if I’m trying to sleep.”

Well… It was something. He watches you visibly brighten in your eyes and smile at him, which makes him disgustingly warm, and just accepts it when you throw yourself on him in a big hug.

“UNKA!!!!!”

No.

Please.

Cheka runs in the infirmary with the others following him, his little body colliding on top of Leona when you moved yourself out of the way, making him groan on the impact.

“Seriously? Cheka, where is your guard? Why are you even here.”

“I wanted to see you!” The little lion beamed with a toothy grin.

Then, the little guy takes notice of you, and you stared at him. You walked over to Cheka.

“Do you know Unka?” Cheka asked.

“Mhm! He’s taking care of me. I don’t have a home!”

Kids always say some odd stuff, especially honest stuff to one another and neither of you look at all phased.

“Oh, okay!” Cheka says. “My unka is very kind, even when he’s a little grumpy! Does that mean you’re my cousin?”

“No they aren’t-“

“I dunno what a cousin is but yeah!”

“You’re not my nephews cousin.”

“I’m Cheka!”

“I’m Y/N! I’ll try to be a good cousin but I dunno how to act.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll try to lead you okay!”

“You two ARENT cousins!”

“Octavinelle!”

Well… Okay?

He doesn’t know how to feel when he goes up to you, but what he does know is that you’re radiating with some powerful energy and he desires that. Perhaps he can shape you to his own devices? Hm…

“My name is Azul Ashengrotto, a pleasure to meet you Y/N.”

You furrowed your eyes at him and he blinked for a moment at you. It was as if you smelled something off, or maybe there was something on his face. You frowned at him and took a step back. Huh?

“Uh…” Crowley coughed in his hands. “Y/N? Go with Mr. Ashengrotto!”

“No.” You said. “There’s a funny smell on him. It smells weird.”

Azul felt a little embarrassed at how you put it. Crowley looked confused and then made a soft “ah” when he snapped his fingers.

“That’s the salt water!”

You looked at Crowley. “Whats salt water?”

Azul looked baffled for a moment. You didn’t know what salt water was!? Let alone an ocean!?

“It’s like water but salty.” Azul explained. “It’s usually found in the ocean.”

“What’s the ocean?”

“It’s… Like a big… lake?”

“Whats a lake?”

Did you seriously know nothing? He was growing a bit frustrated with you.

“Come with me and I can show you.”

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

It was like being in the glass and all around you there was blue, an array of animals swam past and barely turned to gaze at you. You stared with big eyes at what was supposedly the ocean that surrounded you. You touched the glass. You’ve only heard about the ocean from your siblings! They said that the moon liked the ocean and kept it balanced, from what you’ve heard.

And the ocean was very pretty.

“Do you understand now?” Azul asked behind you.

You looked at him. “I wanna feel the ocean.”

“You mean you wanna get in the water? I dont-“

“What’s the harm, Azul?” Jade asked with a small smile, looking down at you.

When you first met Jade and Floyd for the first time, you swore that you thought you were seeing double because you thought they were the same person! Well, up until they explained the idea of twins to you.

“Yeah Azul!” Floyd piped up, picking you up swiftly and squeezing you lightly. “Little starfish wants to explore!”

“Starfish? That’s new.” Jade lightly pinched your cheeks.

“Well the mirror did say that they were a star so they’re a starfish!”

Azul looked to Floyd and Jade and sighed. Maybe letting you swim would be okay. He has work to do so it doesn’t really bother him much.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

He had to sit in the lounge and watch you guys. Turns out you don’t know how to swim but somehow you don’t need to breathe? The first time you got in the water, you just sank to the bottom with Floyd and Jade now in their eel forms circling around you, trying to pull you up, but you just let the bubbles escape your mouth as you stared all around you, seemingly unaffected by the water or the salt entering your eyes. They stared back at you and Floyd was even more excited than before! You were just like a starfish, he was right!

Azul watched, somewhat panicked when you didn’t even bother swimming to the surface, mostly trying to flail your arms and try and follow Jade and Floyd.

“Don’t worry little starfish! We got you!” Floyd cheered, grabbing one of your arms.

“We can teach you since you’ll be around us a lot more often.” Jade grabbed your other arm.

The two hoisted you up and helped you move around in the water. It was like teaching a little fish how to swim for the first time, they thought it was adorable how your little bitty arms moved around to copy their movements. Of course, they had to go based off of how humans swam since you didn’t have a tail, which was fine. But for the most part, you were enamored by their eel form rather than trying to swim. You tried to grab their slippery tails but they moved so quick you couldn’t grab on. It was even worse when you actually got the hang of swimming a lot faster than they expected and tried chasing after them to grab their tails.

Floyd was having a blast as he pressed against the glass. “Azul! Starfish is so cute! I wanna keep ‘em! They really like us like this!”

You caught Floyd by his tail and refused to let go, climbing like a gremlin up his body and grabbing his face. His whole body was a blue-ish green color, which you thought was the most cool thing ever, and then you finally have the chance to see his teeth up close.

“See! They like me!”

“Careful Floyd, don’t squeeze too hard.”

You didn’t mind. You and Floyd were getting along great! Azul wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or… a bad thing. Both? Probably both. It’s Floyd. Who knows what he’ll teach you.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

You bit Azul during homework time.

“Ow! Y/N!? The hell was that for!?”

“I dunno,” you shrugged. “I was excited being around you and I wanted to bite you.”

“Starfish!!!” Floyd cooed, picking you up and squeezing you. “You and me are just alike!”

“Yay!”

Azul is now fearful.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

It had been days after Azul’s overblot incident and you had nothing to forgive him on because he never said anything to you, he mostly never really payed much attention to you since he was constantly working, which you were bored with. But even so, he was trying to change and open up more now for the better! But there was something really bothering you.

You wanted to swim with Azul!

“Azul?” You had asked him while in the lounge with him. He actually wanted to talk with you a bit more, study you a bit to know more about being a star in the first place, but you were bored with the questions mostly.

“Yes, Y/N?”

“Can we swim?”

“Huh? Swim? I- I don’t think that’s…” He was worried. Sure he was trying to love himself more, he really was, after all, it’s something he has to learn to do before he could ever become whole. But there was still those lingering fears inside of him. You’ve never seen someone like him in that form.

“Please?” You looked at him with those big puppy dog eyes. “Pleaaaaaaaaaaeeeee????”

“…alright.” If it’s something you fear, it’s all the more reason to face it.

“Yay!”

You were tugging on him to get up to the tank that entered the sea around the dorm, dragging him to the water. You canonballed into the water without even bothering to get out of your uniform and poked your head up to watch Azul.

He was sweating bullets as he stepped into the water, the water engulfing his whole body until he was finally submerged. He shut his eyes tightly when he felt himself transform into what he thought was the hideous version of himself, a tentacle freak. He could practically hear the insults now.

He decided to crack a single eye open when he felt you grab one of the dark purpled limbs in your hand. You stared at it and blinked of times.

Then you bit him.

“Ow! Seriously!?”

You only grinned at him with those nasty demon teeth. He couldn’t help but smile back at you.

“Scarabia!”

Aw!!! He loves you already! At first glance, you looked like the cutest lil kid he’s ever seen! You remind him of his little siblings and he can’t help but beam at you as he approaches you and crouches to your level with eyes as big as yours.

“Hi there!” He beams. “My name is Kalim Al Asim! Im the prefect of the dorm and I guess I’ll be taking care of you!”

“It’ll mostly be me.” He heard Jalim sigh behind him.

“We can take care of them together!”

“Sun.” You suddenly said. Kamil looked at you with the same smile on his face and he hummed in question. You placed a hand on his head.

“You are… Like the sun.” You were smiling like you were talking about someone from home, where ever that was for you, and you kept patting his head, which he giggled at you and took your little hand in his.

“You’re so sweet!” He swooped you up in his arms and basically almost tried crushing you in his hug. “I like you weird star child! Come on! Let’s go to the dorms and I’ll show you around! Oo we can even have a sleepover and Jamil can make something yummy for you to eat! And then we can get to know each other, yeah!?”

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Jamil almost dropped all his things as he stared at you and Kalim. How the hell did this even happen. Kalim was apparently watching you were on fire. You. Were. On. Fucking. FIRE!?

“WHAT THE FU-“

“Oh hey Jamil!”

“WHAT!? THEY- THE KID IS ON FIRE!?”

“I’m okay!” You said. “I got a little mad.”

“WHAT!?”

“We were watching a movie and they got upset at the movie, so I’m waiting until they stop burning. It’s kinda like how that weird shut-in guy from Ignihyde looks when he gets upset!” Kalim was laughing at the idea and Jamil was currently panicking. How was he okay with this!?

That’s when you stopped burning. Your clothes were burnt to a crisp and it was a miracle they weren’t ash, even more a blessing that they weren’t your uniform and rather your pajamas. But now there were burn foot marks in the floor because of your entire body being on fire. Jamil watched as you collapsed into Kalim’s arms and say that you’re better now, which Kamil wasn’t the least bit phased.

“Why didn’t you try and put them out!?” Jamil chided Kamil with a very confused and very irritated expression.

“Well, I was freaking out, don’t get me wrong!” He admitted while holding you. “My reaction was kinda like yours, except mostly crying and screaming. Then Y/N said that this sometimes just happened when their emotions get out of hand so I waited for them to calm down!”

“Kamil’s smile made me stop being angry.” You said to Jamil who felt a headache coming on as he sighed. He kinda just tried to accept what was happening.

Then you stood up and hugged Jamil, your arms wrapping around his abdomen. “I’m sorry I made you worry. And made the floor burn. And burned my clothes.”

He looked down at you, smelling the burnt fabric and char lingering in the air, and just simply sighed heavily and patted your head a little. After all, you were a little kid, even if you had some otherworldly magic in your hands and weren’t even human, despite looking like one.

“Group hug!”

Jamil can’t take this anymore.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

“What was your home like, Y/N?” Kamil asked you one night before taking you to bed. It was actually next to his room, which he wanted to make sure it was so he can always help you if you ever needed him! Big brother instincts always take over.

“Mm… It was dark.” You said as he tucked you into bed. “I wasn’t alone though. I was with my family.”

“They were the other stars?”

“I think so. I’m not sure.” You looked at Kamil. “You always talk about the things you do with your family, but me and my family never done anything together. I always wanted to play, but there was nothing to play. We were always just… there.”

He felt sad for you. You weren’t showing any sadness since you didn’t understand how to express it, but he could tell that you were feeling something deep down based on how you were staring at him. Envious? Upset? All of the above? He couldn’t be sure, but it made him sad.

“But Im here. In this world. I can’t go back to my family and that’s fine.” You said. “Because I have Kamil and Jamil.”

He felt his heart clench in his chest and he wanted to start crying. He felt warm as you smiled at him.

“Kamil is like the sun. And Jamil is like the moon. It reminds me of home and I’m happy!”

Kamil burst into tears and grabbed you, holding you close to his chest and sniffling and sobbing with snot running down his nose.

“You are the sweetest kid ever! I’m never letting you go! We’re gonna be together forever, I demand it!”

“Pomfoire!”

Oh……

Ew.

That was probably the very first thing he thought when he caught a glimpse at your ragged clothes. How you walked around with that mangy shirt made him look you up and down with slight distaste. Although, despite your lack of fashion, you had some hope in your appearance. With a bit of help, you had some hope.

“This is Vil Schoenheit. The prefect of Pomfoire. He is an expert in potion making! With his expertise, you’ll be a master in any art in no time!”

All you can think of is that this guy is very purple. Maybe that’s his favorite color. You’ll probably call him a fruit at some point. Vil crossed his arms as you stared up at him. The two of you had a staring contest for a while before Vil sighed and grabbed your arm.

“Come on, potato.”

“I am not a vegetable.” You said as he pulled you. “Val.”

“It’s Vil. It’s not that hard to say.”

“Whatever you say, Allen.”

“Dimwit.”

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

“Don’t. Eat. It.”

“But it smells good!”

“Do not eat it you idiot!”

Vil was trying to get you dolled up currently in his room. He had you sitting at his vanity with a large majority of makeup products that appeared high class in quality. He had gotten you out of those rugged fabrics and into the dorm uniform that was your size. Now he was busy styling you with a bit of a light blush and maybe some gloss. After all, you were still a child, he didn’t want to cake your skin in the products that could possibly damage your skin, it would just look terrible.

Unfortunately, the gloss he had smelled good to you and you kept trying to lick it off your lips to eat it. He was beyond disgusted. Nasty child.

“Stop that!” He said, lightly tapping your head to scold you. You pouted at him.

“But it smells good.”

“It won’t taste good, just like the soap you tried to eat when taking a bath.”

“It lied to me.”

He sighs, very annoyed. He decided to just skip the blush and just use chapstick.

…

“STOP TRYING TO EAT IT.”

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Ask anyone in NCR and they would insist that Vil despises you. He complains about you constantly annoy him and that you are a thorn in his side, along with other insults he could think of, mostly describing you a nuisance.

Others are very convinced he hates you, but, it’s actually the opposite.

He ADORES you.

Sure, you’re annoying at times with your constant pranks and always being glued to his side, but that’s not to say he hates it or you for it. When someone asks him if he does hate you, his confusion and irritation is clear.

“What gave you that idea?”

Well… He doesn’t exactly make it obvious he cares about you. His care for you is subtle if you aren’t actively trying to look for it.

“Vil can I have that burger thing in the dining hall?”

“Absolutely not. It’s very greasy and you could break out into pimples and ruin your complexion.”

You stare at him. You liked the fruit salad Vil introduced you to because it was sweet and nice, though you didn’t understand the salad part, there wasn’t any vegetables. But you also wanted to try other foods! You’ve never eaten before cause you never experienced hunger until you fell. Although, you haven’t gotten use to a solid form ever since your fall, nor the feeling of hunger. Some days you don’t feel hungry or feel any drainage like normal humans do when they experience it.

The first time you told Vil that you were hungry he asked when the last time you ate. You said;

“What day is today?”

You swore his face turned white as a sheet. Now he keeps a keen eye on you to maintain a proper eating schedule! He does take into consideration of your body type and shape, all people process food differently, but for you, you aren’t exactly human, fae, or any other creature he’s seen or studied, so he keeps a little snack on him at all times, just to make sure you get some food in you. You’re a growing star child and he’ll be damned if you don’t take care of yourself!

Another subtle thing people don’t look out for.

Vil eventually caved a let you have the burger, though. You devoured it in ten seconds flat.

“Calm down or you’ll-“

You started choking and he sighs. He’ll scold you later.

Another thing people rarely see is that he’ll kill everyone if someone insults you or hurts you.

There was a time a Pomfoire student laughed at you when a potion blew up in your face after you added random shit into the caldron. It didn’t hurt you or turn you into something strange, but it didn’t almost burn bits of your hair…

Vil heard the cackling as he was scolding you and then snapped his head over to the student.

“Is there something you want to add.”

His glare was terrifying and any word other than “no prefect” would probably make him want to turn them into a toad.

He’ll kill everyone and then himself if harm ever comes to you. That’s a promise, no matter what complaints he has.

“Ignihyde!”

He has a hundred PowerPoint slide on why he is the LEAST qualified person to do this. He still holds a belief that he is the worst brother in the world after what happened to Ortho and he can give a long, long list of reasons why he cannot possibly take care of a kid.

Now he looks at you through the floating tablet on his screen and bites his nails nervously when you stare back.

“On the otherside of this tablet is the prefect Idia Shroud! The prefect of Ignihyde.”

“Nice to meet you…? I guess.” Idia mumbled out.

You visibly perked up and suddenly snatched the table into your hands and stared at the screen. Now Idia has full view of those big eyes of yours and it isn’t something he enjoys. He almost screeches when you grabbed the tablet.

“Please let go of the tablet!” He said. “You’re gonna damage it or- or something! Just let it go!”

“You aren’t a person?”

“I am! I just didn’t wanna come to the ceremony in person, so I’m using this tablet to watch…”

“Oh.”

You didn’t understand but that’s fine. It was glowing a pretty blue and you wanted to look at it up close anyways, even if the man was trapped in the metal square.

“Hello!” Ortho came up to you and gently urged you to release the tablet from your hands. Idia almost sighed in relief. He didn’t wanna imagine what you’d be like in person. “My name is Ortho Shroud! My big brother is Idia Shroud!”

You stared at the boy, who was very cheerful. You tilted your head and then poked his metal shoulder. “You are metal.”

“I am! My brother designed this body for me!” Ortho said. “He is very talented and smart! Even if he doesn’t think so.”

“Ortho…” Idia’s hair was already turning pink from embarrassment.

You continuously poked at Ortho’s metal body, sometimes even knocking on it, which he didn’t seem to mind. He was giggling at you and grabbed your small hand in his, leading you out of the ceremony hall.

“Come on! Let’s meet my big brother!”

“Ortho! Wait I’m not mentally ready! Abort! Abort!”

“It’ll be okay!”

“Ortho!”

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Idia hated this. No seriously he hated this so much.

As soon as you saw him, you wasted no time and suddenly scaled his body like a damn rat, which he let out a girly screech at, and now is stiff as a statue as you poked and prodded at his blue, fiery hair.

Meanwhile, Ortho was giggling at your antics. He really liked you! He’s never seen a kid who looked around his age before!

“Ortho.” Idia managed to croak out while sweating bullets. His personal space is being invaded! He does not have the items for this!! “Help your brother. Please.”

“They’re just curious big brother!” Ortho said. “I think they really like your hair!”

“Please… Please Ortho.”

You were messing with his hair with odd fascination then you suddenly moved away from him, which he sighed at and tried to relax, but you were still clinging onto him.

“Can you… Like… Get off me please.” He tried to smile but it looked more like a grimace.

You stared at him and then just slid off of him and onto the floor, looking around at your surroundings. Idia was still trying to recover from a little gremlin child climbing into him and invading his space and messing with his hair. Ortho lightly patted his brothers shoulder, but still looked to be smiling.

“I thought I was a goner…”

“It’s okay big brother, as far as I can see, you’re perfectly alright!”

“No seriously… I thought I was going to encounter the game over screen for a moment… this isn’t fair… Why me!??”

“It’s alright! I’ll make sure that Y/N doesn’t get into any trouble while we’re in school!”

You were searching around his room and suddenly grabbed one of his figurines.

“HEY PUT THAT DOWN!?”

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Idia has come to the conclusion you were a total noob. Over the course of a month, he’s gotten use to you and even started liking you a bit! He’s still a bit weirded out by you and your need to constantly try and scale him like a tree, but he’s gotten use to it by going stiff. He also calls you a noob because you have a weird fascination with his technology, like you’ve never seen it before. Which you haven’t. Hell, even hun starting up his computer makes you go wide eyed. It’s so funny to him! There were times where he was like that when he was younger, but, he has grown up around technology so he doesn’t really completely understand your reactions.

Either way, they’re funny. He loves them.

He’s trying to teach you the basics of tech and what to avoid, after all you’re still a little baby in his eyes. He’s also introduced the idea of games to you, but mostly the ones that aren’t gorey and have a fantasy feel to them.

“Use this button to slash the enemy’s and basically interact with things.”

“Ok.”

“And use this to jump.”

“Ok.”

“Now go forward and try killing that mob with your sword! Oh and make sure to dodge.”

“Ok.”

…

“I died.”

It was a level one mob…

Now if you were anyone else he’d make fun of you and call you a normie, but…

He pats your head. “It’s alright, we all start somewhere. You did good! Let’s try again and try to copy what I do, okay?”

You seemed more happier when Idia pulled out a two player open world fantasy game knowing that you could play together than just doing it on your own. He’ll make sure to buy more of them, then!

“Diasomnia!”

They had forgotten to invite Malleus yet again to the ceremony, so Lilia had to come in his stead. So when Lilia saw you, he was surprised to hear that you’d be in the care of Malleus, though, not that surprised since you radiated this aura about you that gave off high levels of magic in you, it did remind him of Malleus, in some way.

If someone asked Lilia; “would you take in another child under your care?” Lilia would probably say no. Raising two boys was good for him and he’s proud of that.

“This is Lilia Vanrogue. He is not the prefect Malleus Draconia since uh…” Crowley coughed into his fist when Lilia gave him his signature smile, but with a glint in his eyes that told him to stop talking. “But he shall take you to Prince Malleus and introduce you to one another!”

When you looked up at him with those eyes, those big eyes with little thoughts behind them, he instantly threw any sense of self out of the window and caved.

Well, one more child to take care of wouldn’t hurt!

He crouched to your level and smiled sincerely, “hello there, young one. I am Lilia. It is very nice to meet you.”

You blinked at him and stared at him for a while. You then approached Lilia to move his hair out of the way and show his ears, messing with the pointy tips of them and even trying to yank them. He chuckled a little at your antics and grabbed your hand lightly to stop you.

He hoisted you up into his arms carefully and had you in his grip. You didn’t seem to mind at all, mostly trying to get as his ears again.

“I think we’re going to have a nice time, little one! Malleus is sure to love you.”

You said nothing and had the urge to eat his hair.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

“Welcome back Lilia!” Boomed Sebek as soon as Lilia entered the door.

Silver roused up from his light nap on the couch and eyed the little child in his arms, which caught his attention. Malleus had appeared when Lilia returned, obviously wanting to hear about the new students in their dorm, but clearly by the look of the child, it would be different this year.

“This is Y/N! They appeared so suddenly during the ceremony. Apparently they are a fallen star.” Lilia explained. “Burned too hot and fell from the sky, poor thing.”

You didn’t seem all too bothered and immediately looked at Malleus, specifically his horns. Sebek had begun his praise to Lilia on how generous he was to let you, a child, into their dorm, but stopped once you crawled your way down Lilia and approached Malleus without care.

He looked down at you.

You looked up at him.

You both engaged in a staring contest without even blinking, it was really uncanny. There was silence for a moment.

Then you started to crawl up Malleus.

“WH-“ Sebek almost choked on his spit as you just nonchalantly climbed up the Prince like the weird little baby you were.

You stopped and looked at Malleus’ ears, tugging them for a moment. Lilia was stifling his laughter, pressing a hand on Sebek’s chest to keep him back or burst out to say something and scold you or try and take you off Malleus. Silver was just blankly staring, probably not even understanding what was going on, thinking maybe this was just a fever dream. You moved your hands to Malleus’ horns, grasping at them lightly. Your eyes widened and then… Shook his head. As if testing if they were really attached to him.

Sebek almost had a stroke.

Lilia snorted.

Silver has long since checked out.

Malleus stopped your shaking. In that silence, he calmly patted your back awkwardly, grabbing you and setting you down.

“Aren’t they a charmer?” Lilia laughed as you ran up to Sebek and tried to climb him next.

He almost screamed as you clawed at his shirt. “BAD STAR CHILD! BAD! LILIA!”

“Alright little one,” Lilia picked you up with his hands under your arms and held you in front of Sebek. “What did you want from Seb?”

“LILIA! THEY ARE CLEARLY UNHINGED IN- IN SOME SORT OF MANNER! THEY CLIMBED THE YOUNG MASTER LIKE HE WAS A TREE! THAT IS BEYOND DISRESPECTFUL!”

“But their just a baby.” Lilia cooed.

You reached your greasy grippers to Sebek’s ears. They weren’t pointy! You blinked and then tried to grab his mouth because you saw his pointy teeth, that’s when he almost hissed at you.

You wiggled your way out of Lilia’s hold and found your next victim to be Silver. He didn’t even bother to stop you in anyway as you climbed him and caught his ears in your hands. Not pointy either. And his teeth were dull too! You grabbed his cheeks, stretched them a bit, and poked them. He blinked at you.

“Do you mind.” He yawned.

You stared back at him and then grabbed his hair. It was a very strange color and you liked it. That’s where he drawed the line when you tugged and set you down.

“Lilia, you said their name was Y/N?” Malleus finally spoke. “And a fallen Star? I’ve never heard of such a thing.

“Yes, I thought so as well, but there are plenty of surprises this year. A magicless human was also enrolled at NCR, supposedly.”

“Interesting.”

“Lily.” You pointed at Lilia. Sebek was about to burst a blood vessel.

“YOU CANT CALL LILIA-SAMA ‘LILY’! THATS NOT HIS NAME!”

“No no, it’s alright. I quite like it. Thank you little one!”

You then looked at Sebek. “Beckie.”

“THAT DOESNT EVEN RELATE TO MY NAME???”

Then to Silver. “Sil.”

“WHY DOES HE GET A NORMAL ONE!?”

Then you look at Malleus. “Mal-Mal.”

…

“Okay.”

Malleus was never more confused in his life but he laughed a little anyways at your nickname. It was very cute and very unlike anyone who’s been around him.

Sebek has long since given up on you, deciding that there was little hope in trying to stop you. Silver likes you because you gave him a sensible nickname and you’re alright so far. And Lilia already loves you! He’s a father of three now!

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

“Mal-Mal.”

“Yes, beastie.”

“Look what I can do.”

Malleus looked away from his book at you. The two of you were suppose to be studying magic together under the watch of Lilia, with Sebek following and Silver just wanting to see what you can do, after all he was curious.

You’ve proven yourself to be a bit of a firecracker when it came to showing off your magic. By that, it simply meant your magic was very uncontrollable and a simple light spell could possibly render someone blind, so Lilia wanted to make sure you didn’t get yourself hurt.

You held out your hand and then…

A burst of light suddenly burned their eyes, white fire, probably hotter than anything, burned at your entire arm. Sebek was losing his mind in fear that you were going to hurt yourself and possibly Malleus. In a blink of an eye, it stopped, and in your hand was a little flower in your hands. It was transparent and firey. Around your feet there was singes in the floor from when your whole body heated up. You offered the flower to Malleus.

“For you.”

He blinked at you and tried to take the flower from you, but it quickly disappeared.

“Oh.” You said, dropping your hand.

“That’s alright, little one.” Lilia came to your side quickly, wanting to console you as his fatherly instincts took over.

“Be careful next time!” Sebek had said. “You could have burned the whole dorm to ash!!”

“I doubt they would do that, Beckie.”

“SILVER!”

Malleus decided to use a bit of his own magic to make his own flower in his hand, a little bit like yours, but instead a small black lily and handed it to you, which you took gently.

“Do you like it, beastie?”

You nodded. “I’m gonna keep it forever so I can remember to make a lot of flowers for Mal-Mal.”

Malleus swears if anyone hurts you, he’s gonna kill everyone and then himself.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

With Yuu, there is Malleus. And with Malleus, there is you. You always like to come with Malleus on his walks, it’s very nice, especially seeing the weird dormitory that looks ready to collapse. You like asking Yuu all sorts of questions.

“What’s it like being flesh and blood.”

“…uh…”

You like Yuu.

[vigilskeep]

i have never thought of the bg3 paths as railroaded before but oh my god... i see your vision. i think that, for all that can be picked apart in the writing of dragon age, the worldbuilding in that series is so so interested in complicating all factions that you can envision a character who /makes sense/ while bouncing through various ideologies. and the sort of fantasy writing in (most of) the forgotten realms doesn't really allow for that.

dao is particularly the light of my life because the origins mechanic is specifically intended to let you create a character who has a distinctive perspective on the world that’s grounded in the worldbuilding. one of my favourite aspects of this is several origins having completely different codex entries on their own culture as opposed to those an outsider would get. it’s really good! it’s also a reasonably grounded world (while obviously silly) because, like, the basic fundamental premise of thedas, from which they ikea flatpack built almost every feature, is “how would people react to magical and fantastical diversity? the same way they react to human diversity.” you’re meant to feel like, aside from i guess the darkspawn, people are normal and have real motivations. sure it has to fulfil certain roles in a story, and dragon age was manufactured too quickly and purposefully for everything to land feeling authentic, but evil in dragon age should feel recognisable. and in most of the origins they give you a chance to do something that is bad, but also totally makes sense, because of the context of your character belonging to this world where these things happen

in dnd/the forgotten realms it’s a bit different because capital e Evil exists, so there are people and deities and devils (and, to open another can of worms, races) whose entire goal is to Do Evil. it’s also harder to produce grounded evil because in a world where i’m being given basically no context and just told to make whatever i want, i don’t have an inch of the kind of social information i get from for example a dao origin: what my character has been taught to believe they should do to survive, who they are willing to sacrifice, whatever. bg3 also happens to have a main plot goal that is, at least for the first part of the game, broadly selfish (“i am sick, and i need a cure”) which works really well for getting a bunch of people with vastly differing moral standards to band together for the same goal, and not so good for any kind of “greater good” type blurred morality, so that’s out too

however much the worldbuilding factors into this, bg3 specifically went for quite a clear distinction between the good path and the capital e Evil Path, and i find it pretty hard to vary up the good path. when i say railroaded i mean you either do the specific thing that gets you a quest down the line or not. i was really disappointed actually in my playthrough where i totally fucked up in the druids’ grove and caused a fight to break out, because it immediately instakilled tons of characters i knew i would need down the line. the few it spared needed some of the dead ones to stay alive in later quests, so it’s like... oh. that’s just... over. for both factions. bg3 arguably lets you do basically anything you want but they are able to do that because if you fuck around it just breaks the entire quest line from coming up again, which means playing a character who fucks up is not even really going to get me consequences it’s just going to cut content from the game. does that make sense? and then the Evil Path is just straight up evil, like... there’s no way for me to complicate and empathise, here, especially playing a blank canvas character whose motivations i would have to make up from nothing, and who faces basically no consequences for not doing this. the only neutral/cowardly/self-interested option in act 1 is to do neither path, which gets me the least content because i literally don’t get to play the fucking game

i don’t know, i’m not saying it’s necessarily bad just that it’s hard for me, personally, and how i like to create characters. especially when you have my constant restart disease and you have to do this all over again a dozen times just for a handful of different dialogue. does any of that make sense

[di-42]

Well, what a good month for reading August has been! A few days off can make such a difference!

As always I'll try and tag the writers whose Tumblr username I know, so they know they are loved!

If your fiction is on this recommendation list and you'd rather I take it off the list, or if you know a writer who's on this list would rather not be, please let me know and I'll remove their fiction immediately.

I have really enjoyed these fictions, including not one but two Christmas stories. In August. Because, why not? i hope you'll love them too!

August's Awesome Fictions

WIPs:

Wavelengths & Frequencies by imposterssyndrome @maaikeatthefullmoon and shades_of_eccles_cakes @shadesofecclescakes (rated E, chapters 5/?)

I'm absolutely loving this enemies-to-lovers human AU where Crowley and Aziraphale are radio DJs. They loathe each other. They also can't stop thinking about each other! Of course they end up working for the same media corporation. The humour in this story is sharp and clever, and the characterisation is excellent! It's updated every Monday and honestly the only problem I have with this story is that I receive the notification email on a Monday morning and need to wait until at least the end of the working day to dive in!

You're The Bad Guys by Nebz_AlphaCentauri @alphacentaurinebula(rated E, chapters 8/?)

Human AU set in the Cold War. Aziraphale is an MI6 agent, Crowley is a KGB agent. They're assigned to the same mission in Berlin by their respective head offices. This story is full of suspense! I love the characterisation of our heroes and each chapter leaves me wanting for more! Updated every Friday.

My own WIP And I Did (rated E, chapters 6/13)

A post season 2 fiction where Aziraphale is Supreme Archangel and Crowley is Grand Duke Of Hell.

In my not-a-summary I say that this is a story about faith, about love, and about choices. Which is true. But I have come to think of it also as my apology dance to Crowley. My headcanon about Aziraphale has always been clear and my first fiction was me sharing that headcanon basically. I wasn't as sure about what Crowley would do after the final 15 as I was about what Aziraphale’s motives were. I didn't see Crowley drinking himself oblivious or taking a road of self destruction. But I didn't know what he would do. So I skipped that part and started that fiction from after the failed second coming, but still I didn't think I did Crowley justice. Then it hit me, and that was when I started writing And I Did. I knew what Crowley would do. Crowley would do what Crowley does. And what does Crowley do best? This is a story about faith, about love, and about choices. I try to update every weekend, but I might not be as reliable as I’d like!

Complete stories:

The Truth About Plants & Queen by ShortInsomniac98 (rated E, 11353 words)

Human AU where Crowley hosts a night radio program and Aziraphale calls in. I love how their relationship develops in this story and I loved to see a friendly side of Gabriel! (And I mean Gabriel!)

The Anon Before Christmas by @foolishlovers (rated E, 66732 words)

Ah. Where to begin. Every now and then, you read a fiction that just makes you feel at home. Makes you feel like you’re in safe hands. Like you’re in for a real treat. This absolute gem has very quickly become my favourite human AU. For several reasons.  The characterisation of the two main characters is absolutely spot on. I could hear Crowley talking in DT’s Crowley voice and see him moving in DT’s Crowley way, and I could hear Aziraphale talking in MS’s Aziraphale voice and see him moving in MS’s Aziraphale way. The pace of the development of their relationship from enemies to lovers is just perfect. It’s told from Crowley’s POV and you can see how his perspective changes as the story progresses, but the writer is so good that Aziraphale’s change of perspective shows perfectly through Crowley’s POV too. The array of side characters is so good that it actually pains me to call them side characters. I wrote in one of my comments to the fiction that I will forever adore this story’s Bee, and I meant it, but Newt and Ana are equally fantastic (and I loved the other cameos too!). Also, and this is especially important to me, this story is as much a love story between Crowley and Aziraphale as it is a story of true friendship among all the characters. They look after each other, they have each other’s back, they support each other. I am so lucky and privileged to be able to see myself represented in that aspect of the story. Last but not least, this fiction doesn't overstay its welcome one bit. You are happy about how everyone ended up, but still could read more. It’s like you are part of the gang and want to know what your friends are up to. Everything in this story was perfect. I realise I haven’t mentioned what the plot is about, but hopefully by now you might want to find out for yourself!

Planes, Trains & The Apocalypse by walking_contradiction42 (rated teen, 32382 words)

Human AU where Crowley and Aziraphale meet on a plane on their way to Tadfield (via London) for Christmas. Crowley can't stand Aziraphale and only wants as uneventful a journey home as possible. Ha! 

I understand there’s a film with a similar title, you definitely don't need to have watched the film in order to enjoy this lovely fiction. 

The Bookseller And The Garden by oceantears (rated teen, 13668 words)

Fluff, fluff, fluff! Canon divergent fiction where Crowley is a demon stationed on earth, Aziraphale is an angel stationed on earth, but they have never met until present day. There's no end of the world in sight, only an angel and a demon falling in love and not knowing how to break it to the other that they're not human. I laughed all the way through.

After The End (part one of Nice And Ominous: A Reluctant Eschatology Of The Second Attempt) by beardo @e-rated-beardo (rated teen, 26086 words)

Crowley learns to cope after Aziraphale goes to heaven, with a little help.from his friends. And from the Bentley. I love the writer’s humour and the conversations between Crowley and the Bentley are hilarious.

Series:

Aziraphale’s Diaries by azzfell, @fellshish

This series is hilarious, warm and fluffy. So far there are four stories, all consisting in, yes you guessed it, Aziraphale’s diary entries. In the first story, Empirical study on the principles of snake care (rated teen, 2048 words), Aziraphale suddenly realises he hasn’t paid enough attention to Crowley snake-y needs. He decides he wants to make up for it. Hilarity ensues. Put your cup of tea down before day 6, trust me. In Experiments of an angel who has read entirely too much fanfic (rated teen, 3064 words), Aziraphale discovers fanfiction shipping him and Crowley and decides he wants to test some of the tropes on the demon. Reading Crowley’s reactions through Aziraphale’s POV lens will make you feel warm inside. Drink down at day 10. In How to be a demon: a brief history of the Arrangement (rated teen, 2663 words), Aziraphale recounts some of the temptations he’d had to do during the years, to honour the arrangement with Crowley. The last entry will make you melt. In Adventures of a mystery shopper in the bookshop (rated teen, 3090 words), Aziraphale is worried that Crowley is getting bored, so he wants to help by giving him something to do. Peeps, for this one don’t even pick your drink up. You’ll end up spitting it all over your laptop/phone/tablet.

One shots:

Keep Digging by Appleseeds (rated teen7068 words)

Human AU. Crowley and Aziraphale work in the same office and Crowley is trying to gather the courage to ask Aziraphale out, only to get cold feet at the last moment. In order to try and save his face, he needs to do what the title says. I howled with laughter. Just put down whatever you’re doing and go read this right now. It’s unbelievably hilarious.

But It’s Pretty by Supergeek21 (rated E, 2544 words)

Aziraphale and Crowley have a conversation on why the Bentley is yellow and why the walls are yellow. Things get deliciously spicy.

You've Got Kudos by curtaincall (rated M, 4128 words)

Aziraphale and Crowley both write Good Omens fanfiction on Ao3. Crowley’s stories are sweet and romantic. Aziraphale’s stories are smutty and spicy. They love each other's stories without knowing who the writer is. This fiction was a treat!

The Corset by smitten_obviously @sabine-smitten-obviously (rated G, 1248 words)

A funny and sweet account of that time in the 17th century when Aziraphale decided to wear a corset. I really loved how sweet Crowley is here, without overdoing it a bit! A little gem.

My own little one shot, Angel! Angel! They're At It Again! (rated M, 5566 words)

It's the year 2030. The world never ended. Aziraphale and Crowley are living happily and safely together as a married couple. Everything would be well, if it wasn't that lately Aziraphale has been a bit busy. A bit distracted. Now, Crowley can't have that, can he? He seeks the advice of his girlfriends, who unwittingly give him an idea on how to liven up his marriage. A fluffy and hopefully funny way to the South Downs cottage.

Poems:

To Wish To Fall by ArchangelRemiel @sassysnakedemon

A lovely and sweet poem that explores different ways of falling.

The Devil's Red Hair by lickthecowhappy

I really loved this very emotional poem! Aziraphale has a little souvenir helping him cope in heaven.

[semi-imaginary-place]

"This manga is heavily a Buddhist story, which is mostly the reason for the morals, choices, and consequences of the story falling flat for many westerners. It'd be too difficult to go into everything in one comment, but the most important thing is Ichikawa's criticism of Pure Land Buddhism.

In this branch of Buddhism, people can basically pray to get into the Pure Land, rather than having to do the work themselves. Gemstones also can't get into the pure land and thus are exempt from samsara, the karmic cycle, which was the main inspiration for the series and something Ichikawa sought to change in the story.

The story depicts Ichikawa's rejection of Pure Land Buddhism through Adamant's burden of existing solely as a tool to pray humanity away and his eventual breaking free of this role to be able to live with the gems full time during the 10,000 years. It also sort of paints the lunarians as lesser for convincing themselves that they need someone to pray them away when they didn't. But the biggest example is regarding which character actually got the better ending, because the way I see it, and the way Ichikawa seems to see it, everyone other than Phos got fucked in the end.

Over the course of the story, Aechmea paints nothingness as a serene realm of nonexistence that is free from the suffering of the living world, but by the end, it seems clear that nothingness is just another state of existence and everyone there is still a part of the eternal cycle of everything being remade into everything else. Taking this into account, why would you want nothingness when you can make peace with existence like Phos ended up doing? Despite everything he went through, it's only because he actually put the work that he was given the opportunity to find his purpose, reflect on his life and actions, and be happy with the pebbles. Things didn't go how he planned, but he did end up getting everything he wanted.

A lot of people will say that the message of the manga is that existence is suffering, but I think the ending makes a good point that it is equal parts suffering and happiness. Likewise, the manga does a good job painting humanity as a force of destruction, ignorance, and shortsightedness, but the ending shows that there is still pureness and wisdom in it.

Probably the biggest takeaway should be that good and evil and other black and white ways of looking at things are rarely any use in a world as nuanced as ours. And that seeing the world this way will only lead to confusion when those you see as good are getting punished and those you see as evil are getting rewarded, when in reality, the universe could not care less what you are. Everyone is just the result of their own actions and the influences of the world around them and we're all going to die and go back to being stardust eventually anyway."

"The lunarians were all able to pass on their own, but their insistence on someone else doing the work for them was an attachment that kept them from that. Shiro and the game board fulfilled their desire to see Adamant again and were able to go to nothingness without him praying for them."

"They got what they wanted, but what they wanted doesn't seem to be what they thought it was. Rather than a state of absolute non-feeling, it sounds like they're just getting put back into the karmic soup of the universe a bit sooner than Phos, Brother, the pebbles, and everything else eventually will. Except the lunarians and gems weren't wise enough to come to terms with that inevitability.

Most of this take comes from Brother's conversation with Phos in chapter 103 regarding living in the present and not worrying about the future that's beyond your control. But even ignoring this part of it, I still think the series makes a good case for existence, even including the worst of it, being a better deal than absolutely nothing.

This is not to say that Phos didn't experience far worse than anyone else in the story, only that the kind of growth he went through requires a degree of hardship. Phos post-prayer seems to agree that everything he went through, despite how unfair or traumatizing it was, was necessary and worth it for him to have the clarity and happiness that he has now.

A part of Buddhism is realizing that you can't change most things and accepting things the way they are. Basically, things don't always go the way you planned and finding value in the way they did rather than dwelling on things out of your hands is a form of personal growth that one should strive for.

Phos made peace with what he was dealt and used those experiences to make himself and those around him better off, spending eons of happiness with the pebbles. The lunarians rejected this way of thinking and endlessly sought to change their fate, wasting the existence they were given before inevitably getting thrown right back into a new one. They squandered their chance at what Phos attained and will have to start from scratch in their next form. When everything you have ends eventually, it's the present that really matters, not the outcome."

(CrashDunning)

[lastoneout]

Something I've noticed that is like...concerning but also just really annoying about online discussions about basically any topic these days is something that probably already has a name but that for now I'ma call "death of nuance via strict binary thinking" which leads a lot of people to get very angry over the idea that two things can be true at once, or that bringing up someone else's problems does not overshadow or invalidate your own, or that you can uplift a group of people without tearing down another.

Because like, I've had this happen on several of my posts now, where I say a generally harmless, factual statement, and several people rush in to either outright accuse me of saying a different, more extreme statement or annoyingly "correct" me to fix the supposed ~dangerous implications~ of my words, which I'm not gonna lie is as infuriating as it is confusing.

I can't make a post about how sugar is one of the main things the human body runs on and thus trying to remove it entirely from your diet is dangerous and harmful without people showing up to be like "are you saying it's okay to eat an entire bag of sugar by the spoonful??" and "well if you ate nothing but oreoes and ice cream that would make you sick" even though that doesn't contradict or really have anything?? to do?? with my original statement??

I can't make a post talking about the issues men(trans or cis) face under the patriarchy without people showing up and getting mad at me for "making feminism about men" despite the fact that the majority of my feminist activism DOES center women and taking a moment to explore the ways the patriarchy harms us all in no way harms women. And I can't make a post pointing out that marginalized men, especially black, disabled, and fat men often have malice read into their very existence and maybe that's bad without people showing up to get mad at me for saying marginalized men are incapable of harm which is not what I said at all.

And this one is a bit different but still one I see a lot, which is an over-correction seeped in the idea that we can only uplift one group at a time, or if x group is good y group must be bad. Like I am all for pointing out that there's nothing wrong with not wearing makeup and having body hair and not wearing deodorant, and women who live like that are fine and valid and can still be seen as sexy and desirable, and yes there ARE things to critique about the beauty industry for sure...but then that manifests into thinking women who do shave and wear makeup and deodorant are ugly or weird or brainwashed and should be mocked, which..no? Or when the dialog shifted to talking about fat people being hot suddenly we had a lot of people acting like skinny women were ugly and weird when that actually doesn't help with fat liberation AT ALL.

(Also just to clarify I think the occasional joke about these topics is okay given how much mockery fat, hairy, and non-feminine women get BUT there is a point when you go to far and some groups of people are racing over the line.)

And like yeah you could say the internet has always been this way but there's been a real noticeable uptick in progressive leftists coming at complex issues with this kind of no-nuance thinking, when it used to be something I really only saw from conservatives. I'd see stuff like "well feminism is bad because men also have problems" and "oh black lives matter? are you saying other lives don't??" and "oh you think drug addicts aren't inherently dangerous well what about the ones who DO hurt people" or "we can't talk about trans women's issues that would take away from talking about cis women's problems" and "we can't have a fat character that's glorifying ob*sity" and we used to MOCK them for that shit. This was seen as RIDICULOUS and was generally considered a conversation ender because it's clear the people doing it aren't actually interested in having a conversation they just want to yell at you for something you didn't say or pull a huge "I am uncomfortable when we are not about me" which just...ough please stop.

So seeing like actual progressive people pull this shit is really weird and it happens so often I legit can't ignore it anymore. I don't really have a solution, but I just feel like some of us really need to wrap our heads around the idea that just because someone said one thing doesn't mean they're saying this other thing too. Which, when you put it like that, sounds like the kind of thing you learn in kindergarten but I digress. Someone saying it's okay to eat sugar, your body actually needs it, isn't necessarily saying it's okay to eat so many oreoes you get sick(or excluding diabetics or being a corn lobby apologist or whatever the hell else people on that post are accusing me of). Someone bringing up the ways the patriarchy hurts people who aren't women isn't making feminism about men or saying women don't have problems. Trans men talking about their issues isn't implying anything about trans women just like bisexuals or asexuals talking about their issues isn't taking space away from allo gay people. Someone talking about how assuming marginalized men are threats when they're just existing is bad and gets innocent people killed isn't saying OJ Simpson did nothing wrong.

Two things can be true at the same time. Nuance is important and making space to talk about one thing isn't taking away from someone else. There's no contest, no slippery slope so dangerous we can't even state facts, no pie you have to fight over. Oppression isn't a math problem where whatever you do to one side of the equation must be done to the other or a scale that can't be balanced. This kind of thought process isn't productive and will not lead to a better, more equal world. Just one where someone else is wearing the boot.

Just...idk please just stop coming onto posts assuming the worst, doing bad faith readings and then getting pissed about something the person didn't say, assuming someone else getting a seat at the table means yours is in danger, being so desperate to be a good ally that you start doing lateral violence and calling it punching up, and just full on stealing conservative talking points and argument styles and trying to make them progressive.

We're supposed to be better than this. That's all I've got really, we're just supposed to be better than this. And while I don't always engage with people like this for obvious reasons, I'd like to think they aren't beyond saving and maybe this post can change a few minds. You guys aren't wrong to be angry and want to help and protect people who need it, but this is not the way to go about it and it never will be.

[bearsbeetsbeskar]

Restoring the Roots (Joel Miller x Therapist! reader)

Chapter 1: Pre-Contemplation

Chapter 2 here | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | main masterlist |

Pairing: Joel Miller x therapist! reader, post outbreak Rating: none, will be changed to explicit in future chapters (slow burn, eventual smut, age gap) Summary: Life after moving to Jackson looks drastically different for Joel, survival mode is over and now he and Ellie can finally put down new roots. Ellie adapts easily but Joel finds himself struggling to settle into this new life, in more ways than some. At Ellie and Tommy’s insistence, Joel begrudgingly finds himself in therapy to try and work through his struggles but what he encounters is more than just painful memories and deeply rooted trauma. A/N: I cannot say enough thank you's to the number of lovely humans who encouraged this idea and supported me as I embark on my very first fic! And what better Pedro character to be the guinea pig for this idea? Lots of this story draws on my personal knowledge as a social worker, as I am working towards becoming a certified equine assisted therapist. Consequently, there are lots of horsey terms, therapy terms, and vivid descriptions of trauma at certain points. Feel free like, comment, or reblog if you enjoy it :)

Taglist (for now): @beskarandblasters, @pr0ximamidnight, @theewokingdead, @atinylittlepain, @prolix-yuy, @swiftispunk, @harriedandharassed, @amywritesthings

If anyone wants to be on the taglist please let me know! If you don't want to be on it then also let me know lol.

~~~~~~~

You sat up taller in your chair, arching your back and rolling your shoulders in an effort to stretch out your spine, exhaling softly as you heard the cacophony of crunches and protests from your muscles. You had been hunched over your notepad for over an hour, eyebrows scrunched together and your mind running on autopilot, as you caught up on client notes that you had fallen behind on for the last couple days. The downside of having a small therapy practice, hell any therapy practice, was that there was a never ending litany of documentation to fill out. Seeing as you were the only therapist in the tiny commune of Jackson, there was never a shortage of clients and consequently, never a shortage of session notes that you had to write. 

“Hun.”

You hear your name spoken in a warm tone from behind you. You barely look up from the page as you try to rewrite the word ‘diagnosis’ after what feels like the fifth time. The word has basically lost all its meaning at this point. 

“Honey, c’mon, the sun is about ready to set and you can wrap that up tomorrow.” The cover page to the notepad closes on top of your hand and you look up to see your assistant, Tracey, giving you a knowing look and then glancing towards the front of the office. You follow her gaze to the front windows and take in the deep ember orange hue washing over the business faces and windows on the opposite side of the street, signaling the end of another day. Sighing softly, you lean back in your chair and cross your arms over your chest with a frown. You know she’s right and yet you still have the same dispute every day. 

“Trace, you and I both know that if I don’t get them done today, they will just be added to tomorrow’s to do list, besides this is the last one I swear,” you say to her with a smirk, as if she has not heard that excuse before. 

You were never the kind of person to half-ass your responsibilities at your job, including client documentation, even if there was no longer any governing body or association to uphold professional social work standards. You did your job with integrity, even the mundane administrative tasks that involved more writing than actual talking with clients. Tracey knew this of course, it was something she admired about you, how suited you were for this line of work. It was clear that you cared deeply for the clients that you supported. But it doesn’t mean it was not a fight when the end of the workday rolled around and she had to tear you away from your desk and practically shove you out of the office door. 

She rolled her eyes at you and her lips curled into a small smile as she headed towards the door with her coat and bag in tow. “Promise me you will at least be out of here before the night patrol starts?” She points her finger at you as she stops just ahead of the door. You nod and wave her off as you turn your focus back to the notepad, smoothing your palm over the words etched into the cover ‘Restorative Reins.’ 

You had only been in Jackson for roughly over a month, though it felt like much longer. Much like everyone else who had survived the outbreak and came to find refuge in the small settlement after the world went to shit, you were grateful to accept any basic decencies of normal life that were afforded to you. Warm meals, warm showers, hell running water in general was a miracle in and of itself at that point. So when you actually arrived in Jackson, you were dumbfounded to see how much normalcy surrounded you. Children running and playing in the streets, storefronts of various thriving businesses, sheep being rounded up in a nearby corral - hold on, a fucking MOVIE THEATER? 

While it took some time to grow out of the perpetual fight or flight mode that you were entrenched in from life on the road, you did eventually fall into a good pace in Jackson. Especially after getting involved in the community and taking up the job as the local therapist, you had never been busier, and you loved it. 

The world felt unflinchingly obsolete post outbreak, but being able to support others with their mental health never failed to bring you joy and an unshakeable sense of purpose. You wanted to help others as they navigated their pain and broke down the mental blocks that entrapped them in their trauma. You wanted to help them realize the innate strength that they possessed. Sadly, you never got the chance to practice long term, as you finished up grad school just before the outbreak happened. But that didn’t seem to matter now as you had an endless stream of community members that you saw on a weekly basis at your practice, all with their own pain and struggles, seeking support.

It was crazy to think about the short period of time that had passed since you started at the job, how much you had done for the residents, how much more that you wanted to do. You were pulled from your memories when the office phone rang, internally groaning as you looked at your watch.

4:58 p.m. Of course. 

Steeling yourself you picked up the phone, praying that it was a quick call.

“Restorative Reins Practice, how can I help you?” you answered.

“Oh! hi ma'am,” a warm, mellow Southern drawl greets you on the other end. “Are you the local therapist that has been helpin’ folks out around here with their mental health?”

"That's me,” you reply warmly, “what can I do for you?”

The man hesitates briefly, “Well, I was uh wanting to know a bit more about the business I guess, how the therapy process works, fees and stuff for someone who was interested in getting help. Not me though, it’s not for me, it’s for my brother, Joel. My name is Tommy by the way,” he mentions quickly. 

“No problem Tommy, I can explain the basics to you including the different types of therapy I offer and how the process works,” you reassure him. You explain to him the different services, how the equine therapy worked, walk in hours, session lengths and so on. 

“I should probably mention that my brother ain’t keen on getting help and reaching out to others when he needs it, he’s too damn proud to acknowledge it, so he really doesn’t think he has any issues and thinks everything is fine… but he’s having a real tough time settlin’ down here. He’s so haunted by his past and he’s been acting differently lately, more temperamental, well, more than usual,” Tommy adds. You smile to yourself and nod, as you’ve had many clients before who were stuck in similar struggles and closed off to therapy initially.

“I can definitely understand that,” you sympathize with him. “It sounds like your brother has been through a lot and you just want him to get some support, which is great. Therapy isn’t for everybody but I have worked with many individuals like him who were going through similar situations, and they found great success.”

“That’s great to hear. That’s all I want for him is to get some help,” Tommy states.

“Now with that being said,” you continue, “therapy is voluntary, I cannot force someone to attend, but if your brother would agree to a consultation with me, I could chat with him more about where he is at, the kind of support he could benefit from and go from there. No pressure to commit to anything,” you propose to him.

“Hmm, I think he could be persuaded to try that, now that you mention it like that,” Tommy chuckles, sounding pleasantly surprised. 

“Awesome! You can tell him to stop by the office any time and we can discuss it more. We’re open from 9-5,” you tell him, silently relieved that it was an indeed quick call. He thanks you and hangs up. 

Something else akin to curiosity creeps into your mind as you recount what Tommy briefly told you about his brother. Maybe more so intrigue. You wonder how resistant he is to therapy, what happened in his past to hurt him so deeply, but you catch yourself before your thoughts run away from you further, either way you look forward to helping another person in need. 

~~~~~~~~~~~

“Tommy, I swear to god if you bring up this damn therapy shit again, I won’t hesitate to shoot you next time we’re out on patrol,” Joel growled through clenched teeth, as he walked away from his brother into the kitchen of the house. 

“Boy, it ain’t like I never heard that before,” Tommy quipped sarcastically, rolling his eyes as he followed Joel into the kitchen, pausing in the doorway as he leaned against the frame, hands shoved into his pockets. He observed his brother's rigid stance, the tightness in his shoulders, as Joel stood over the sink, looking out the window. 

This felt like the umpteenth time that Tommy had broached the subject of Joel getting help and talking to a ‘shrink,’ as he dismissively described it, for the issues that he was struggling with. Joel was fine. He didn’t have any fucking issues. He was doing just fine and didn’t need some professional to scrutinize him, reduce him to his vices, and open old wounds from his past life. He was encouraged to go to grief counseling after Sarah died but by some grace of God, or whatever godforsaken omnipotent entity existed at that point, the outbreak occurred. Forget mental health, physical health and survival became the only focus.

Tommy exhaled softly. “Listen, I'm only suggestin’ it because I care about you. Ellie cares about you. You both have been through hell and back in the last year, I mean shit, we all have. But it seems like everything y’all went through is still affecting you, holding you back from letting your guard down and settling in here,” he states plainly, sadness lacing his tone. 

“That’s bullshit Tommy and you know it,” Joel snaps, turning to face his younger brother and leaning back against the counter, arms crossed in defense. His gaze narrows.  “I go out on patrol don’t I? Pick up extra shifts wherever it’s needed, help out with the contracting jobs, go out with Ellie in town.” Joel stood up taller, puffing out his chest, challenging his younger brother. Tommy shook his head, running his hand over his face with an exasperated expression. Heaven forbid Joel did anything for himself that did not involve contributing or providing for someone, period. He just couldn’t shake that from his identity, and it broke Tommy’s heart as he watched his brother’s stubborn pride, ridden with guilt and trauma, swallow him whole. 

“Man when are you gonna fuckin’ do something for yourself Joel?!” Tommy asserted, his frustration reaching a boiling point. “Forget the damn commune, forget the community, forget Ellie for a sec and think about the last time YOU did something for yourself, the last time YOU reached out for help goddamnit.” He pushed off the doorframe and crossed the threshold of the kitchen as he strode towards Joel.

“You’re not on the run anymore brother. You don’t have to just survive. You can have a life here. You can sleep without keepin’ one eye open and relax without lookin’ over your shoulder. Don’t you want that? Don’t you think you deserve that?! Don’t you think you deserve this?!” Tommy said as he gestured around the cozy kitchen and fixed his older brother with a pleading stare. 

Joel’s eyes widened as he tried to step back, the edge of the counter biting into his lower back as he took in Tommy’s weary face, the pain in his soft brown eyes, mirroring his own. His younger brother rarely raised his voice anymore. The outbreak took its toll on his hot headed temperament that never seemed to simmer down, even after he was discharged from the army. Joel knew that Tommy cared about him, hell he knew how deeply his brother loved him, after all they had respectively been through in the last twenty years, it had to be serious for him to raise his voice. 

Joel opened his mouth, ready to bite back but his brother raised his hands in the air in surrender, “Look, this is the last time I will bring this up, I swear. But yesterday I called up the therapist in town who’s been helpin’ folks out, and asked her about the therapy process and she seems real nice, and supportive. She said you could come in for a consultation and talk to her and see if you’re interested,” Tommy said quietly.

Joel’s gaze narrows as he scrunches his eyebrows together in incredulity, “You-”

“I had nothing to lose Joel. Absolutely nothing. And neither do you,” Tommy cuts him off, raising his chin in defiance. “At least go talk to the therapist, if you don’t like her or you’re not feelin’ it, then I’ll drop it and let it go. Okay? The office is on the main street, just beside the clothing store, adjacent to the stables and they’re open everyday from 9-5.” 

“Jesus fucking Christ Tommy,” Joel leaned back as he looked up at the ceiling, wishing it would collapse in on him. Gotta love that brotherly love.  

“Look I should be getting back now, Maria will be waiting for me. Here’s the number and address for the business. I’ll see you around okay?” Tommy patted through his pockets and retrieved a small piece of paper with writing scribbled on it, placing it on the counter beside Joel. He gave him a last placating look before he walked out of the kitchen, the front door closing behind him with a soft click. 

Joel pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled sharply before turning back around to look out the kitchen window. He hung his head in defeat, rounding his back as he rested his elbows on the counter and glared into his matte reflection in the sink. He didn’t need any help. He was doing fine. He’s still upright and breathing, with blood coursing through his veins isn’t he? Albeit, he's not jumping out of bed like a sprightly thirty year old anymore. His knees pop and crackle when he gets up from crouching over machinery for too long, his joints protest the next day when he pushes himself too far, moving slower than usual on job sites. 

Hell, even his memory is starting to get cloudy around the edges. If it weren’t for Ellie some days, he’s sure he would leave the house without pants on, what with her always reminding him where things are in the house, special events that are coming up in the community that he forgets about. He had been a bit more snappy than usual, as Ellie so lovingly pointed out one day, but that’s nothing compared to his normal demeanour. 

“You’re becoming a grumpy motherfucker y'know that? Jeez, who shit in your cornflakes this morning?” She grumbled at him with a mouth full of cereal, after he snapped at her reminder that it was parent day at the local school. Parent day, P.A. day, Joel hadn’t dealt with any of this shit in over twenty years since Sarah was in school. Even then he managed to swiftly neglect many of the parental events, seeing as Sarah was the perfect student, with nothing but glowing reviews from her teachers. The fact that Ellie was going to school amidst a fucking apocalypse was enough for Joel to be content. 

But still, he’s doing fine, right? Just fine. 

“Maybe talking to someone that’s not related to you would help you, y’know? Being able to talk about shit that you can’t talk to me, or Tommy, or anyone else about you know?” Ellie proposed to him later that night.

As luck would have it, she was already home when Joel and Tommy spoke in the kitchen and she had heard pretty much the entire conversation. And like Tommy, she only wanted Joel to get support because she cared about him. 

“Think of all the shit that we went through in the past year, forget the infected, and the raiders, and FEDRA, and almost dying,” she casually listed off on one hand as if she was reciting a grocery list.

“There's so much shit that we’re both carrying with us, demons from our past, and it’s gotta come out one way or another. Look, therapists aren’t there to judge you, or analyze you,” she continued, “they’re kind of like a sounding board for you to bounce your thoughts off of, and they help you process shit you’re going through. You never know unless you try it,” she said matter of factly. 

“Like Tommy said, you got nothing to lose man. Plus the whiskey and pills will only help you numb reality for so long, you’re gonna go insane eventually,” she said, fixing him with a knowing look as she leaned back into the couch beside him.

Joel just grunted in response and frowned. Damn this kid for being too insightful for her own good.

Ellie might be young but she most certainly wasn’t naive. And as much as Joel would have liked to assume that her easy transition into life in Jackson was on account of her youthfulness, it really wasn’t. It was just the fact that she had never known a normal life, as heartbreaking as that was. She never had the chance to experience such normalcy before everything turned on its head. But she developed friendships with a few of the other teens in the community, namely one girl Dina, who she hung out with after school, went to the movies and other community events with.

She didn’t have to actively try to fit into Jackson, she just did. Joel would never acknowledge the pangs of jealousy he felt gnawing at his insides when he saw her getting on so well, but it didn’t mean they chipped away at his morale any less. 

Ellie smirked at his lack of response, knowing he was mulling it over in his mind. With the relationship they had developed over the past year, she was grateful to be able to talk to Joel and actually get through to him.

“Damn maybe I should be a fuckin’ therapist, that was good advice wasn’t it?” she grinned at him, elbowing him in his side.

Joel snorted and shook his head. “Christ, I must be losing my mind for real this time if you’ve got me considering it.”

“Now c’mon,” she wiggled her eyebrows at him, “you owe me at least a few games of Boggle for that pep talk,” she said triumphantly, holding up the weathered board game that was on the coffee table.

[prezaki]

Bucchigiri?! and 'being Honki' - a Show about Identity and Human Connection

With Hiroko Utsumi's newest work as a director now completed, I want to take a moment to discuss the thematic through-lines of Bucchigiri?! and explain why I think that the story was very coherent even if it first seemed erratic.

At the heart of the series is the concept of the Honki Person(TM) - and that's where the confusion starts. Leaving the word 'Honki' in Japanese for the subs suggests a lore-heavy emphasis on some kind of supernatural mechanic in-story. It caused many viewers expected a well-defined shounen-typical power system - but that isn't what Honki is nor what it was ever meant to be.

"Honki" is the Japanese word 本気, which means Seriousness, Earnestness (or doing something 'in earnest, for real' if used as an adverb). 'Honki People' literally just means 'Earnest People'

And thus "Honki" is doing double duty as a red herring Lore Concept and a regular word - an intentional ambiguity that is inevitably lost by translation.

In the show, the characters do initially think of the 'Honki Person' as a literal thing to become (a supernaturally powerful master martial artist) rather than as a state of being in which one is earnest - but the thing is that the narrative proves them wrong.

But before we get to that, we need to dig a little bit deeper into what a Honki Person is thought to be in-universe:

"Historically", those thought of as Honki were fighters who participated in conflicts 300 years ago - a bit after the end of the Sengoku Period, the continuously warring states that had defined Japan for two centuries. With the advent of the rigidly structured Edo Period, honorable fighters with no clear systemic alliance were no longer needed and the aspiring Honki People(TM) were mercilessly gunned down. This feels out of left field for an anime like Bucchigiri?! to focus on, so I propose a second more allegorical layer to impose over the literal pseudo-historical read.

Even beyond the historical fact that gun imports changed warfare, the usage of guns here is deliberate to represent something. Guns are associated with authorities, and contrasted against the Honki People(TM) shunning weapons and fighting only with their own bodies.

To be Honki(TM) means to be true to yourself and secure in your own identity - this is something that is a hindrance to a social system that relies on rules and groupthink to sustain itself. Supporting this assumption, the theme of 'death' by weapon/authority is mirrored in the show several times:

On the one hand, we have the NG Boys, a gang set apart from the other gangs in the story by their even more rigid hierarchical structure and their willingness to use weaponry. They all follow one leader, have one uniform look, and appear basically brainwashed into blind obedience.

The association of weapons=structure and authority is made pretty clearly through that alone, but is also enhanced by all the members of the NG Boys living under constant threat of being fed to the real authorities of society: the police. Fear keeps everyone in line.

And further, the idea of society as an oppressive force (especially to the lower class) is put into direct focus through Mitsukuni and Matakara. Poverty is brought up briefly before through Senya (our main Honki Person(TM) was a nameless orphan after all) and brought back with the Asamine brothers:

Mitsukuni wishes to escape his social status in order to offer a better life to his brother - and he's forcibly held down by the oppressive system around him.

The cop that causes Mitsukuni to go to jail is equivalent to the guns that shot Senya and Ichiya.

(Utsumi has explored this underlying socially critical current before. Not for nothing, her previous series SK8 opens with the memorable bridge of the title song reading: "before society can kill us".)

But Bucchigiri?! isn't about overthrowing the system. It's about the individual. Understanding the context about authority just helps setting the real theme into focus.

And that theme is to hold on steadfast to who you are and allow yourself to connect with others, even in various kinds of adversity.

After this long, long preamble, let's get to the actual main characters!!

Matakara and Arajin are people who are ruled by fear and who spend 11 episodes running from others and themselves in two very different ways.

Arajin is pretty hated as a protagonist, which amuses me a little, because nobody hates Arajin more than Arajin hates Arajin.

His past cowardice in failing to protect Matakara has clearly shown him that he is a pathetic person and he's spent his whole life since then trying to avoid being reminded of this. He avoids Matakara, the strongest reminder of his failure, but further than that he avoids connection with anybody that he could see as a peer.

Arajin is solely focused on finding love and romance because he feels inherently inferior to every person he would be invited to contrast himself against. He avoids other guys because he hates himself. He shuns connection and pursues only people (girls) he views as different enough to not invite any comparison.

Matakara meanwhile has major abandonment issues - he's lost his parents, Arajin, and his brother. Everyone important to him keeps vanishing from his life and in order to keep himself from feeling powerless about this he decides to blame himself.

If it's his own fault that people leave him (because he's weak) then there is something in his power that he can do in order to avoid being hurt again (becoming stronger). In order to maintain this state of motivational self-hatred, he puts others on a pedestal.

Matakara needs Arajin to be strong, powerful, honest and admirable... because that is the image he holds himself up by. In Mitsukuni and Arajin, Matakara creates god-like icons to chase after. And by doing so, he also shuns genuine connection.

Being confronted with Arajin as a flawed person gives Matakara a breakdown because it makes it harder to run from his own loneliness by focusing on chasing after Arajin.

Arajin is always running, but Matakara is always chasing... because he can't stand to look behind and face his monster.

In a lot of ways, Arajin and Matakara can't connect because they care about each other. Arajin can't stand what he allowed to happen to Matakara because he cared about Matakara. Matakara clings to Arajin because he loves him.

This theme of love hindering connection is again mirrored in two other characters - Senya and Ichiya, of course.

Ichiya, unwilling to confront his own terminal illness head-on, wishes to avoid it by goading Senya into killing him. By doing this, he can run from his own weakness and put Senya on a pedestal instead.

Meanwhile Senya is attached to their connection as-is and wishes to maintain this master-disciple dynamic forever - going so far as to deny his own strength in order to avoid acknowledging their changing dynamic.

Both of them are denying something about themselves.

It is their self-denial that makes their communication and thus connection break down.

Ichiya can't make Senya go Honki(TM) (which should have definitely been translated as an adverb here, e.g. 'failing to make him get serious') because he is also not HONEST with him or himself.

In the finale, Senya finally admits his motivations (his illness, his perceived weakness) and he is rewarded with the honest fight he'd been craving. They both stopped running.

This theme becomes even clearer through the two leads, of course, but even earlier than that it exists in Mahoro.

Mahoro's scene in episode 6 is the thematic linchpin that carried the whole show on its shoulders. Through Mahoro, everyone in the cast gets their first glimpse at true unrelenting Honki(tm) - and it is something totally unrelated to fighting prowess.

Mahoro is physically powerless against Akutaro, but she won't run. She has a heart that won't run away, the key quality of the Honki Person(TM), because she has an unshakable sense of self-identity.

It would be easy to dismiss her cutesy design as a contrivance to give Arajin a conventional-looking love interest despite going to Delinquent Academy - but it also says something about HER. Mahoro marches to the beat of her own drum. She does not care that she does not fit in, she does not mind being alone - she'll stick right to her own aesthetic and priorities.

So it's easy for her to call out Akutaro - and in doing so, call out the whole cast along with him:

You're empty. You are nothing but a shell, shaped by how you relate to those around you. You have nothing to offer.

And how are you supposed to connect with anybody, when you don't even know who you are?

(Notably, Mahoro is also a character who refuses to compromise on her self even for love - she knows she does not appeal to Marito, but she's not changing herself to be more his type. Her Honki does not budge, even for him.)

And lest you think I am exaggerating by connecting the theme of identity and emptiness back to all of the cast instead of just Akutaro: it does come back with Matakara.

Matakara can't believe anybody would know him and care for him, because he doesn't know himself.

For Matakara, facing himself means acknowledging his fear of abandonment rather than externalizing it as a hallucination of a literal monster.

But facing yourself doesn't just mean facing your demons, it also means facing your own positive qualities. And that is Arajin's story.

Even as Arajin turned into a scummy, evasive and selfish guy, there is a part of him that has a throughline to who he always was. He's someone who can get invested in others with reckless abandon.

Whether as a child with Matakara, or in the present with Mahoro... Arajin wants to connect.

Bucchigiri?! is a show full of innuendo and sexual gags. Merging with a genie gets equated to sex, fighting gets equated to sex... and of course this is for laughs, but it's also thematic.

Because all these things are about connection. About facing someone else with your whole self.

On a literal level, yes, Arajin absolutely wants to get laid. This is his sincere desire, and good for him.

But at the same time, his battle cry of 'I want to lose my virginity!' is him crying out for a real connection, even at a time when he shunned the idea thereof.

In the end, being a Honki Person(TM) has nothing to do with fighting. Fighting is the way a lot of the rough and tumble guys on the show like to connect, but it is not the only way to do so and not the only way to be Honki(TM).

Arajin never learns to love brawling - he did it out of circumstance and necessity, but it's not his hobby. He does not need to discover some hidden love of fighting, because this show fundamentally isn't about how 'fighting is inherently good' or anything.

It's a show about how even when you hate yourself and think you're as low as it can get, acknowledging your own self in full is the first step to finding a real bond with somebody else.

It just also happens to feature a bunch of delinquents who love to punch a lot.

[featureenvyproductions]

here’s a bird’s eye view of my comic Eyan Eternal

For people who don't know what it is. Bc I think some of you might find it's right up your alley. Well this is an updated one anyway. I do actually have a volume of this out in print right now, but the low def, basic version is online and complete, and tbh, I just want people to read it. I took almost two years to complete this and quite literally poured every waking moment (after work and when I wasn’t fixing stuff in my house) into this to try and finish it.

Ahem

Here is one of these at a glance things! 

If that’s enough to intrigue you, take a look at my chapter masterpost which has convenient links to every chapter post so you don’t have to go figuring out where they are and what order they go in!: https://www.tumblr.com/featureenvyproductions/717516139934154752/eyan-eternal-tumblr-chapter-masterpost?source=share

If you like it and want to support me you can also buy a copy of the first print volume, which collects chapters 1-5 and has a smidge of bonus content (only available in the US right now, but that’s not going to be forever, and I’m working on an e-book as well): https://www.etsy.com/FeatureEnvy/listing/1447399615/eyan-eternal?utm_source=Copy&utm_medium=ListingManager&utm_campaign=Share&utm_term=so.lmsm&share_time=1683565699335

And now here is a more detailed break down if you need more info than that...

*Jonathan Frakes asks you things meme voice* have you ever wondered what you’d find if you REALLY lived forever?

Well, meet Eyan, an immortal vampire.

He’s slowly finding out the answer to that question...

...And it appears to be unbearable isolation.

Eons into the distant future, when most stars have faded in the night sky and the cosmic event horizon has confined any remaining beings to an isolated pocket of the universe, Eyan roams interstellar space in a repurposed generation ship in search of anything that could be considered alive/sentient in the way he is.

So far, he’s out of luck.

That is until he runs into an unexpected former rival on a remote planet - Zero, a sentient android he never expected to be the only other person left alive.

Well. That is, if either of them can really be considered “alive”. What does that mean anyway, when the humans who defined what it means to be alive are all gone?

This is something they’ll have to explore and define for themselves as they attempt to set aside their myriad of differences and try to work together on one of the few ways left to escape the dark fate of ultimate isolation - The Grand Encoder, a machine that can upload minds to a special medium - if it even works for them anyway. In the process, they slowly come to accept that maybe they’d had each other all wrong and weren’t seeing the bigger picture.

You may not find any action-packed Star Wars like escapades here in this sci fi drama. You also won’t find ponderings about the origins of vampires or what gave rise to robot sentience - It’s integral to the plot that these things just ARE. But you will find a thoughtful exploration of identity and how it can cause us to define ourselves and relate to (or abandon) each other depending on the framework within which we are doing that exploration and within which we are compelled to exist. It asks the question, what if the frameworks within which we defined our existence and purpose no LONGER existed...Where would we go from there?

And as two immortal guys who are the only folks left in the universe (as far as they know), Eyan and Zero are just the right people to mull over that.

There is both textual and allegorical queerness in this story - both main characters should be considered gay men, even if it’s The Future TM and terms/exact scopes of identities may not be EXACTLY 1-1 with today’s...But I want to be perfectly clear that it was my intent to make them gay because I wanted to see more gay guys in sci fi and I don’t want anyone erasing that. As for the allegorical stuff - I myself am a trans gay man in my late 30s, so this act of re-exploring and re-framing myself and evaluating how and why queer folks interact with each other the way we do is something I’m very familiar with, and I feel like other folks might relate. (I also peppered in some neurodivergent-person-in-a-neurotypical-world moods tbh.)

Of course it’s not all serious. I do have a bit of fun with some old school vampire tropes, tossing Eyan around and putting him in Situations.

Anyway if this all sounds interesting to you, take a look at my tag and site (above)! I’d appreciate it! I also like to hear from people and see if there’s anything about it you related to! :)

I also do everything. Every last monotonous step (well, aside from literally loading up a printing press to churn out volumes lol - BUT REST ASSURED IF I HAD $10K TO PISS INTO THE WIND I WOULD DO THAT TOO). So if there’s ANYTHING you want to know about my process, I’m happy to tell you so please ask, especially if you’re like trying to get started on your own comic or trying to go to print :) 

Edit before I go ahead and blaze this: I want to say, to be honest, the creation of comic was initially motivated almost entirely by the isolation/loneliness I’ve felt in my life. It’s not as bad as some folks’ and I know that, but it is a really prevalent thread throughout my life and sometimes is almost unbearable, and my comic began as an exploration of that loneliness, as well as a narrative exercise to try and express the depth of it at its worst point. I’m putting this out here because ultimately I don’t know...maybe someone will catch my drift and understand the feeling I’m trying to illustrate, and maybe they’ll want to see the plot that came of those feelings. I am not above the need to feel seen lol, especially if other people out there feel like they can resonate with this experience as well.

[yamayuandadu]

Horned hermits and immoral immortals: an inquiry into Zanmu's background

As you might remember from my previous post covering Zanmu, I was initially unable to tell how her historical background led to ZUN choosing to make her an oni. The historical, or at least legendary, Zanmu seemed to be, for all intent and purposes, a human. That has since changed, and the matter now seems considerably more clear to me. Read on to learn more about the real monk Zanmu is based on, and to find out what she has in common with the most famous Zen master in history, Taoist immortals, and Tsuno Daishi. Even if you are not particularly interested in Zanmu, this article might still worth be checking out, seeing as the discussed primary sources are also relevant to a number of other Touhou characters, including Byakuren, Yoshika and Kasen.

As in the case of the previous Touhou article, special thanks go to @just9art, who helped me with tracking down sources advised me while I was working on this.

The historical Zanmu

Statue of Zanmu from the Sazaedo pagoda (Fukushima Travel; reproduced for educational purposes only) As already pointed out by 9 here even before my previous post about Unfinished Dream of All Living Ghost, Zanmu is based on a real monk also named Zanmu. His full name was Nichihaku Zanmu (日白残夢), and he also went by Akikaze Dōjin, but even Japanese wikipedia simply refers to him as Zanmu. ZUN basically just swapped one kanji in the name, with 日白残夢 becoming 日白残無. The character 無, which replaces original 夢 (“dream”), means “nothingness” - more on that later.The search for sources pertaining to the historical Zanmu has tragically not been very successful. In contrast with some of the stars of the previous installments, like Prince Shotoku or Matarajin, he clearly isn’t the central topic of any monographs or even just journal articles. Ultimately the main sources to fall back on are chiefly offhand mentions, blog articles and some tweets of variable trustworthiness. The only academic publication in English I was able to locate which mentions Zanmu at all is the Japanese Biographical Index from 2004, published by De Gruyter. The price of this book is frankly outrageous for what it is, so here’s the sole mention of him screencapped for your convenience:

The book referenced here is the five volume biographical dictionary Dai Nihon Jinmei Jisho from 1937. I am unable to access it, but I was nonetheless able to cobble together some information about Zanmu from other sources. Not much can be said about Zanmu’s personal life. He was a Buddhist monk (though note a legend apparently refers to him as “neither a monk nor a layperson”, a formula typically designating legendary ascetics and the like) and a notable eccentric. Both of these elements are present in the bio of his Touhou counterpart.

The Sazaedo pagoda (Fukushima Travel; reproduced for educational purposes only)

Zanmu’s tangible accomplishments seem to be tied to the temple Shoso-ji, which he apparently founded. He is enshrined in the Sazaedo pagoda near it, though this building postdates him by over 200 years. It’s located in Aizuwakamatsu in Fukushima. You can see some additional photos of his statue displayed there in this tweet. It’s a pretty famous location due to its unique double helix structure, and it has a pretty extensive article on the Japanese wikipedia. It’s also covered on multiple tourist-oriented sites in English, where more photos are available (for example here or here). There’s even a model kit representing it out there. Sazeado’s fame does not really seem to have anything to do with Zanmu, though. While many Buddhist figures ZUN used as the basis for Touhou characters in the past belonged to the “esoteric” schools (Tendai and Shingon), Zanmu was a practitioner of the much better known Zen, specifically of the Rinzai school.

The kanji mu (無 ) caligraphed by Shikō Munakata (Saint Louis Art Museum; reproduced for educational purposes only) Since the concept of “nothingness” or “emptiness” represented by the kanji 無 (mu) plays a vital role in Zen (see here or here for a more detailed treatment of this topic; it’s covered on virtually every Zen-related website possible though), and there’s even a so-called mu kōan, it strikes me as possible this is the reason behind the slightly different writing of the names of ZUN’s Zanmu, as well as the source of her ability. Granted, the dialogue in the games makes it sound like Zanmu (and by extension Hisami) just talks about nothingness as a memento mori of sorts, which is not quite what it entails in Zen. Of course, ZUN does not adapt Buddhist doctrine 1:1 (lest we forget Kasen seemingly being unaware of the basics of Mahayana in WaHH) so this point might be irrelevant.

The legendary Zanmu

The eccentric monk Ikkyū (center), as imagined by Kawanabe Kyōsai (Egenolf Gallery; reproduced for educational purposes only)

A number of legends developed around the historical Zanmu. If this blog post is to be trusted, there is a tradition according to which he was a student of arguably the most famous member of the Rinzai school, and probably one of the most famous Buddhist monks in the history of Japan in general, Ikkyū. He is remembered as the archetypal eccentric monk, and spent much of his life traveling as a vagabond due to his disagreements with Buddhist establishment and unusual personal views on matters such as celibacy. As I already said in my previous article pertaining to Zanmu, long time readers of my blog might know Ikkyū from the tale of Jigoku Dayū and art inspired by it, though since this motif only arose in the Edo period it naturally does not represent an actual episode from his very much real career. 

A page from Ikkyū Gaikotsu (wikimedia commons)

In art a distinct tradition of depicting Ikkyū with skeletons developed, as seen both in the case of works showing him with his legendary student Jigoku Dayū and in the so-called Ikkyū Gaikotsu. Skeletons also played a role in Zen-inspired art in general (for more information see here). Whether this inspired ZUN to decorate Zanmu’s rock with bones is hard to determine, but it does not seem implausible. It would hardly be the deepest art history cut in the series, less arcane of a reference than the very existence of Mai and Satono or Kutaka’s pose. Obviously, it does not seem very plausible that Ikkyū ever actually met the historical Zanmu. Ikkyū passed away in 1481, and Zanmu in 1576, with his birth date currently unknown. Even if we assume he was a particularly long-lived individual and by some miracle was born while Ikkyu was still alive, it is somewhat doubtful that an elderly sick monk would be preaching Zen doctrine to an infant. However, apparently legends do provide a convenient explanation for this tradition. Purportedly Zanmu lived for an unusually long time. The figure of 139 years pops up online quite frequently, and does seem to depend on a genuine tradition, but even more fabulous claims are out there.

Kaison Hitachibō, as imagined by an unknown artist (wikimedia commons)

According to another legend, Zanmu was even older, and in fact remembered the Genpei war, which took place in the Heian period - nearly 400 years before his time. Supposedly he told many vivid tales about its famous participants, Yoshitsune and Benkei. A tradition according to which he was himself originally a legendary retainer of Yoshitsune, the warrior monk Kaison Hitachibō (常陸坊海尊) developed at some point. This has already been pointed out by others before me in relation to the Touhou version of Zanmu. From what I’ve seen, some Japanese fans in fact seem excited primarily about the prospect of Zanmu offering an opportunity to connect Touhou and works focused on the Genpei war. The tradition making Zanmu a centuries-old survivor from the Heian period must be relatively old, as his supposed immortality is already mentioned in Honchō Jinja Kō (本朝神社考; “Study of shrines”) by Razan Hayashi, who was active in the first half of the seventeenth century, mere decades after Zanmu’s death. While I found no explicit confirmation, it seems sensible to assume this legend was already in circulation while Zanmu was still alive, or at least that it developed very shortly after he passed away. Perhaps he really was invested in accounts of that period to the point he sounded as if he actually lived through it.

The choice of Kaison as Zanmu’s original name in the legend does not seem random, as there was a preexisting tradition according to which this legendary Heian figure was cursed with eternal life for betraying Yoshitsune by fleeing from the battlefield instead of remaining with his lord to die. You can read more about this here. Apparently there is a version where he instead becomes immortal to make it possible to pass down the story of the Genpei war to future generations (this is the only source I have to offer though), and there's even a well-received stage play based on it, Hitachibō Kaison (translated as "Kaison, priest of Hitachi") by Matsuyo Akimoto. Another thing worth pointing out is that Kaison was seemingly a Tendai monk from Mount Hiei, which means that even though Okina isn’t in a new game, you can still claim she’s metaphorically casting her shadow over it in some way if you squint (and that’s without going into the fact sarugami are associated with Mount Hiei). I've seen two separate sources which mention that according to a legend he trained Benkei there, and that the two did not get along because Kaison was a corrupt monk (lustful, keen on substance abuse, greedy, the usual routine). You can access them here and here,but bear in mind they're old. Zanmu’s Genpei war connection does not really seem to matter in Touhou, though, as ZUN pretty explicitly situated his version in the Sengoku period, with no mention of earlier events. Granted, if you like it, this should not prevent you from embracing the view that Zanmu is an alter ego of Kaison as your headcanon - as I said people are already doing that. It seems equally fair game as “Okina is Hata no Kawakatsu”, easily one of the most popular “historical” headcanons in the history of the franchise. According to this twitter thread, the legends about Zanmu’s longevity (or immortality) have a pretty long lifespan themseles, as they were referenced by relatively high profile modern writers, like Orikuchi Shinbou and Tatsuhiko Shibusawa. 

Buddhist immortals

A word carving of a sennin, "immortal" or "hermit" (wikimedia commons)

Legends about long-lived (or outright immortal) monks, such as Zanmu or Kaison, are hardly uncommon. A work which seems to be the key to understanding their early development, and by extension possibly also the portrayal of Zanmu in Touhou, might be Honchō Shinsenden, “Records of Japanese Immortals”. This title refers to a collection of setsuwa, short stories typically meant to convey religious knowledge or morals. Its title pretty much tells you what to expect. Honchō Shinsenden is an interesting work in that while it in theory deals with Buddhism, and largely describes the individual immortals as, well, Buddhists, it ultimately reflects a Taoist tradition. There is a strong case to be made that it was an inspiration for another Touhou installment, specifically Ten Desires, already, seeing as it mentions prince Shotoku and Miyako no Yoshika and its Taoist-adjacent context has a long paper trail in scholarship, but I will not go too deep into that topic here - expect it to be covered in a separate article later on. Stories of immortals are pretty schematic, and their protagonists can be categorized as belonging to a number of archetypes. I think it’s safe to say this has a lot to do with the self-referential character of this sort of literature - compilers of new works were obviously familiar with their forerunners, and imitated them for the sake of authenticity. In China, literary accounts of the lives of immortals circulated as early as in the first century BCE, with the concept of immortals (xian, 仙, read as sen in Japanese; this term and its derivatives have various other translations too, with Touhou media generally favoring “hermit”) itself already appearing slightly earlier. It seems Shenxian Zhuan (Biographies of Spirit Immortals) by a certain Ge Xuan, certified immortals enthusiast and cinnabar-based immortality elixir connoisseur (discussing and developing immortality elixirs was a popular pastime for literati in ancient and medieval China), can in particular be considered the inspiration for the later Japanese compilation. While the concept of immortals was largely developed by Taoists, tales focused on them were already not strictly the domain of Taoism by the time they reached Japan. They were embraced in Chinese culture in general, both in strictly religious context and more broadly in art. In Japan, they came to be incorporated into Buddhist worldview, and in fact Honchō Shinsenden states that their protagonists can be understood as “living Buddhas” (ikibotoke), a designation used to refer to particularly saintly Buddhists. Their devotion to both Buddhas and other related figures, and to local kami, is stressed multiple times too.

Presumably this was the result of the influence of the Japanese Buddhist concept of hijiri (聖), a type of particularly rigorous solitary ascetic in popular imagination regarded as almost divine. Needless to say, most of you are actually familiar with the hijiri even if you never read about them, as this is the source of Byakuren’s surname and a clear influence on her character too. In Honchō Shinsenden, it is outright said that the sign 仙, normally read as sen, should be read as hijiri in this case.

A portrait of Huisi (wikimedia commons)

The notion of extending one’s lifespan was not incompatible with Buddhism, as evidenced by tales of adepts who lived for a supernaturally long period of time to show their compassion to more beings or to get closer to the coming of Maitreya. Even the founder of the Tiantai school of Buddhism (the forerunner of Japanese Tendai), Huisi, was said to meditate in hopes of extending his life to witness Maitreya. At the same time, Chinese compilations of stories about immortals do not list Buddhists among them, in contrast with Japanese ones. This might be due to the rivalry between these religions which was at times rather pronounced in Tang China, culminating in events such as emperor Wuzong's persecution of Buddhism. Let’s return to Honchō Shinsenden, though. Its original author was most likely Ōe no Masafusa, active in the second half of the eleventh century. No full copy survives, but the original contents can nonetheless be restored based on various fragmentary manuscripts. Some of the sections are preserved as quotations in other texts or in larger compilations of stories, too. I have seen claims online that the historical Zanmu is covered in some editions of the Honchō Shinsenden or works dependent on it. So far I was only able to determine with certainty that Zanmu is covered alongside the immortals from Honchō Shinsenden in at least one modern monograph (Nishi-Nihon-hen by Kōsai Chigiri; if anyone of you have access to it I’d be interested to learn what exactly it says about Zanmu) and a number of posts and articles online. However, he lived around 400 years after this work was completed, so he quite obviously does not appear in its original version, contrary to what the Touhou wiki says right now. Masafusa does not necessarily portray the immortals as pinnacles of morality, and indeed moral virtues do not seem to be a prerequisite for attaining this status in his work. It is therefore possible that despite being setsuwa, his tales of immortals were an entirely literary endeavor and were not meant to evoke piety, let alone promote the worship of described figures.

A recurring pattern which unifies all of these tales is describing immortals as eccentric. As I already noted, this is a distinct characteristic of the historical Zanmu too, and it comes up in the bio of his Touhou counterpart as well. She has “reached the absolute pinnacle of eccentricity”. It seems safe to say ZUN is aware of that pattern, then, and consciously chose to highlight this. He also stresses that Zanmu has lived through an era of marital strife, specifically through the Sengoku period. The inclusion of such episodes is another innovation typical for Japanese immortal tales, and does appear to be a feature of the tradition pertaining to Zanmu’s counterpart too, as discussed above. Horned hermits?

A modern devotional statuette of Laozi with horns, found on ebay of all places; reproduced here for educational purposes only.

There is a further possible feature of Zanmu that might be tied to Honchō Shinsenden. While there are numerous physical traits attributed to immortals in Chinese sources, Masafusa decided to only ever highlight two. One of them are unusual bones, the other - horns on the forehead. Tragically one of my favorites, square pupils (mentioned in Liexian Zhuan), is missing. Masafusa relays that an anonymous hijiri, the “Rod-Striking Immortal”, grew stumpy horns as a sign of attaining his supernatural status.This might be a stretch, but perhaps Zanmu, due to being the Touhou version of a legendary immortal, also already had horns before becoming an oni. You have to admit it would be funny.

The two horns - or rather small bumps, based on available descriptions -  characteristic for some immortals were known as rijiao (日角; “sun-horn”) and yuenxuan (月懸; “moon crescent”). Such unusual physical features were already attributed to various legendary and historical rulers and sages in China in the first century CE, so this is not really a Taoist invention, but rather an adoption of beliefs widespread in China in the formative years of this religion. They also intersected with the early Buddhist tradition about the so-called “32 marks of the Buddha”, documented for example in Mahāvastu and later in Chinese Mahayana tradition which Taoist authors were familiar with. Yu the Great, the flood hero, was among the legendary figures said to possess horns in Chinese tradition. It is even sometimes believed Laozi had them when he was born, which according to Livia Kohn was meant to symbolically elevate him to the rank of such mythical figures as Fuxi.

While this is ultimately a post focused on Zanmu, I think it’s worth pointing out this belief in horned ascetics has very funny implications for Kasen. Being a “horned hermit” is not really an issue, it would appear. If anything, it adds a sense of authenticity. Clearly Kasen needs to study the classics more.

Immortals (and mortals) in hell

One last connection between Zanmu and legends about immortals is her role as an official in hell. However, this is much less directl. Early Chinese sources mention “Agents Beneath the Earth” (dixia zhu zhe 地下主者), a rank available to low class immortals choosing to serve in the land of the dead. They could be contrasted with the immortals inhabiting heaven, regarded as higher ranked than them. However, note that there are also many narratives focused on mortals becoming officials in hell - in Japan arguably the most famous case is the tale of Ono no Takamura, a historical poet from the early Heian period. In Chinese culture there are multiple examples but I think none come close to the popularity of judge Bao. It does not seem any immortals playing a similar role retain equal prominence in culture. Ultimately this paragraph is only a curiosity, and a much closer parallel to Zanmu's role in hell exists - and it’s connected to materials ZUN already referenced to booth.

Corrupt monks, oni and tengu

Ryōgen, the most famous monk turned demon, and his alter ego Tsuno Daishi (wikimedia commons)

In addition to characterizing Zanmu as eccentric, ZUN also wrote in her bio that she is a corrupt monk. As we learn, she developed a belief that the best way to reconcile the Sengoku period ethos which demanded boasting about the number of enemies killed with Buddhist precepts was to focus on spirits rather than the living, since she will basically deliver salvation to them. She ultimately “absorbed some beast-youkai spirits, thus discarding her life as a human”. This to my best knowledge does not really match any genuine tradition about the historical Zanmu, related figures or anyone else. As far as I can tell, it’s hard to find a direct parallel either in irl material or elsewhere in Touhou... at least if we stick to the details. More vaguely similar examples are not only attested, discussing them was for a time arguably the backbone of Buddhist discourse in Japan, and neatly explains why Zanmu became an oni. The idea that monks who broke Buddhist precepts in some way turned into monsters is not ZUN’s invention. It first appears in sources from the Heian period, and gained greater relevance in the Kamakura period. Particularly commonly it was asserted that members of Buddhist clergy who fail to attain nirvana turn into tengu. However, oni were an option too. Bernard Faure points out that Ryōgen, the archetypal example of a fallen monk (see here for a detailed discussion of this topic, and of his return to grace as a demon keeping other demons at bay), could be described as reborn as an oni, for example. The Shingon monk Shinzei is variously described as turning into an oni, a tengu or an onryō (vengeful spirit). Oni are also referenced in a similar context in Heike Monogatari alongside tenma, a term referring to demons obstructing enlightenment in general.

Corrupt monks turned into tengu in the Tengu Zoshi Emaki (wikimedia commons)

Typically it was believed that monks who turned into demons went to a realm variously known as makai, tengudō or madō. As you may know, normally there are three realms one should avoid reincarnating in - beasts, hungry ghosts and hell - but this was basically a bonus fourth one. Granted, this view was not recognized universally, and the alternative interpretation was that it was just a specific hell with a distinct name. At the absolute peak of this concept’s relevance, the foremost Buddhist thinkers of these times, including Nichiren, were accusing each other of being demons. Additionally, some of the past emperors, especially Sutoku and Goshirakawa, could be presented as tengu, for example in Hōgen monogatari. There was also an interest in finding gods who could keep the forces of disorder at bay. You can see echoes of these beliefs in rituals pertaining to Matarajin, which ZUN rather explicitly referenced in Aya's route in Hidden Star in Four Seasons. Typically the reason behind transformation into an oni, tengu or another vaguely similar being were earthly attachments. Alternatively, it could be pursuing gejutsu, “outside arts”, essentially teachings which fell outside of what was permitted by Buddhism. Note this does not necessarily mean anything originating in religions other than Buddhism, though, the term is more nuanced. So, for instance worship of kami or following Confucian values are perfectly fair game. A synonymous term was gedō, “heretical” way (on the use of the term “heresy” in the context of study of Buddhism see here). We can make a case for Zanmu’s bio alluding to that - she wanted to adhere to the social norms of the Sengoku period by symbolically taking in a headcount by absorbing spirits, I suppose. That’s not really a thing in any Buddhist literature, though, and I assume ZUN came up with this himself. Conclusion While this article is slightly less rigorous than my recent research ventures pertaining to Matarajin, let alone the Mesopotamian wiki operations, I hope it nonetheless sheds some additional light on Zanmu. I will admit I already liked her even before I started digging into the possible inspiration behind her, and finding out more only strengthened my enthusiasm. While there are clear parallels between Zanmu, her namesake and a variety of other characters from Japanese and Chinese literature and religions, as usual for a character made by ZUN her strength lies both in creative repurposing of these elements and in adding something new.

Postscriptum: Zanmu and Tang Sanzang?

Xuanzang, as depicted by an unknown Qing artist (wikimedia commons) While much about Zanmu’s character - her backstory as an eccentric fallen monk who became a demon, her apparent zen theme, and so on  - all form a coherent whole, there is a tiny detail which does not really match anything else discussed in this article. It does not come from her dialogue or bio, but rather from Enoko’s. As we learn, she became immortal herself after eating a piece of Zanmu’s body back when the latter was still a human. Or rather, the combination of that and subsequently consuming a magical gemstone as recommended by Zanmu did it - I’m pretty sure I misread this before. As 9 pointed out to me, probably the implications are just that Enoko’s backstory is a partial reference to Perfect Memento in Strict Sense, which does state that consuming the flesh of a monk would be a particularly suitable way for an ordinary animal to turn into a youkai. Still, comparisons between this tidbit and Journey to the West have been made by others before already, so I figured it would be suitable to address them here even if they lie beyond my own argument about the inspiration behind Zanmu. In this novel, many demons want to devour its protagonist Tang Sanzang because his flesh is said to make anyone who consumes immortal. This is because he is a reincarnation of Master Golden Cicada (Jinchan zi, 金蟬子), a disciple of the Buddha invented for the sake of the story. Interestingly, Sanzang is portrayed as an adherent of Chan Buddhism, the school from which Japanese Zen is derived (note that his historical forerunner Xuanzang belonged to the Yogācāra tradition instead). Despite the vague similarities, I ultimately do not think there are particularly close parallels between Zanmu and Sanzang. For starters, Zanmu is meant to be a corrupt monk, while Sanzang is the opposite of that. Their respective characters couldn’t differ more either. Throughout the entire novel, Sanzang is a pretty poor planner, shows doubt in his own abilities, and regularly misjudges the situation. Needless to say this does not exactly offer a good parallel to Zanmu. Sure, she creates a bootleg Wukong, but Sanzang did not create Wukong, the famous primate was just assigned to him as a bodyguard. Therefore, until evidence on the contrary appears (for example in an interview) I would personally remain cautiously pessimistic regarding a possible connection here.  Recommended reading

Bernard Faure, Rage and Ravage (Gods of Medieval Japan vol. 3)

Noga Ganany, Baogong as King Yama in the Literature and Religious Worship of Late-Imperial China

Zornica Kirkova, Roaming into the Beyond: Representations of Xian Immortality in Early Medieval Chinese Verse

Christoph Kleine & Livia Kohn, Daoist Immortality and Buddhist Holiness: A Study and Translation of the Honchō shinsen-den 

Livia Kohn, The Looks of Laozi

James Robson, The Institution of Daoism in the Central Region (Xiangzhong) of Hunan

Haruko Wakabayashi, From Conqueror of Evil to Devil King: Ryogen and Notions of Ma in Medieval Japanese Buddhism

Idem, The Seven Tengu Scrolls. Evil and the Rhetoric of Legitimacy in Medieval Japanese Buddhism