#((really it's just been a lack of motivation))

[air--so--sweet]

The official still and the video of them shooting the scene that it's from has me thinking (yes it's a five second clip and one photo but I once wrote an entire theory about why Diego Hargreeves speaks Spanish like a native speaker based on a single word said by an extra, overthinking these things is what I do).

Buck is the last out of the engine and lags behind everyone else. His hair is unstyled and his turnout coat is open. We've been all expecting his spinning out to take the form of him being reckless as hell and presumed he's going to be harsh on Ravi again. But what if it's the opposite.

Buck is so heartbroken and so overwhelmed with his abandonment issues he sinks fully into depression to the point of not caring about anything anymore. Like, he does his job fine, well even, because he's still Buck, but the passion and the (pardon the pun) fire is gone. He's just going through the motions, does whats needed, what he's told to do, but that desire to help people and sace everyone that makes him go above and beyond isn't there anymore. He will still be reckless with himself at times, but it's not motivated by caring so much that he puts others above himself like it usually is, it's due to lack of care for himself whatsoever, because everything in his life suddenly feels so pointless and meaningless that he nothing, including his own safety, matters. It's not just thinking he matters so little to everyone else that he's expendable, it's fully mattering to himself so little that he's expendable.

No matter what you do, bad shit will happen. You can do your best to be a good person, someone of worthy of love, but that doesn't stop your brother from dying from cancer, doesn't stop your sister getting abused, doesn't stop you from getting pinned under a ladder truck and almost losing your job and chosen family in the aftermath, doesn't stop your best friend getting shot, doesn't stop your sister getting post partum depression so bad she almost dies, doesn't stop you getting hit by lightning, doesn't stop your sister getting kidnapped, twice and, most importantly, it doesn't stop everyone from leaving you over and over again. No matter what you will end up alone. So really what's the point?

[violentdelightshavevioletends]

Sgaeyl and Tairn defending Andarna and Violet like the proud parents they are in Chapter 53

Violet defending Andarna like the proud mama bear

My heart going from whole to broken in a single chapter

"I will not leave them unprotected." — THEM, he means both of them. Andarna and Violet, his heart💔.

"She is a credit to our riot," Sgaeyl hisses. — the way she defends Andarna… that’s a lot for Sgaeyl. And she defends Violet too, again! And she says OUR😭

"None of which is her fault, You set her up for what you consider failure when you left her here to be raised in the ways of the Empyrean." "You really want to yell at the massive unknown dragon?" Rhi whispers. "I do," I answer, looking straight at him. — remember in the first book when they said never look a dragon (especially one that isn’t yours) in the eye… yeah she broke that here. Even Rhi warns her. But it’s mama bear mode so…

"There is nothing wrong with her." — the way she defends herself in that line too… theirs nothing wrong with them. Violet or Andarna (cause they really are a mirror💞).

"We can never thank you enough for what you've done tonight in firing our wards, but if you've only come to point out all the ways you believe her to be lacking, you'll find Feirge's greeting warmer than mine." — YES VIOLET or should I say VIOLENCE 👏

"Your motives are honorable," he says. "That was what I was going to say before I was interrupted by the blue.— "Sgaeyl," Andarna corrects him, her tone a knife's edge softer than before. — even in that little line it shows how she loves her family and defends them too, even Sgaeyl harsh as she can be, that’s her Sgaeyl (help I love them too much🥺) — "Sgaeyl,"

"We are separated by many but share the same bloodline. Unlike the others you encountered who are of a more distant line, we are of the same den, or would have been had you been raised among us." — Andarna always wanted a den mate😭 she wouldn’t have waited 600 years

He's her family. My heart clenches. — CAUSE THEIR HER FAMILY NOT THE IRIDS😭😭😭 my heart is breaking.

I love you and I want you to feel complete — SHE FINALLY SAID I LOVE YOU… and she really does because she just wants her to live even at the cost of her feeling incomplete

All that's left is a gust of wind as her scales blend into the sky. —She turns black, her scales matching the sky like Tairn— A roar vibrates my very bones, and my ears ring as the edges of my vision darken. —Who is the roar from; Andarna or Tairn? Who is it for; Violet or Andarna? Does Tairn feel it? Gods forbid does Andarna?— My heart stutters, and my lungs cease their struggle. There's no air and no reason to seek it. —was it for Violet who stops breathing because something in her dies then too, infinite and nothingness, existing but without the sun— I was infinite yet moored, and now I'm hollow and adrift in waters too vast to comprehend. — and it’s not even Andarna who breaks it; she couldn’t do it, couldn’t leave her, that’s why she goes to Violet and realizes she can’t hear her or understand😭😭😭 …and then Tairn goes and lets Violet hear everything so she isn’t alone… and she has to survive, exist, live; for Xaden (even Tairn is fine with it if it keeps her alive, because he knows the grief too) it’s why Sgaeyl is furious and accuses Andarna of leaving — How could she do this? — she feels the pain Violet through Tairn feels, she’s a little mama bear too for Violet that time.

[skyborneveggie]

Ooh for the 'send me a character' game:

Part of me wants to say Killua, because of your recent hxh reblogs...

But I'd of course also like to hear more Matsuda thoughts from you. So take your pick-- whichever you're more in the mood to talk about :)

Ahhh two of my favorites 🥺, can I do both? :>

First Matsuda! Since this has been primarily a dn blog for a while now ahaha.

favorite thing about them: I think out of everything, what I find to be most admirable about Matsuda is his ability to persevere & continue on despite knowing that others see him as useless; and despite himself even having internalized that opinion of himself. It's bittersweet, the way he tries to let it roll off his shoulders & not let it dissuade his enthusiasm for his work. He tries so hard to be like "if this is who I am, then so be it," and then embrace that role for all it's worth in the name of the objective.

least favorite thing about them: Does this mean least favorite thing about how they're written; or thing I'd like least about them if they were a real person? Regardless, the one & only scene of Matsuda that I don't really care for is the one where he seems gleeful at (what he thinks is) Light cheating on Misa with Takada.

favorite line: "I have to kill him. This guy has got to die!" CHILLS every time.

brOTP: Not exactly brotp, but I do enjoy the father/son dynamic between Matsu & Soichiro. Also, another not-brotp, but I think the Matsuda & Mikami dynamic could be interesting, as they both come to terms with the mutual loss of their pedestalled icon. Perhaps a wary & melancholic understanding, that they can't find with others.

OTP: I loveee toxic Matsulight. I love the idea of Light being attracted to Matsuda through a subconscious sense of empathy over their similarities, but also being in denial that such similarities exist. I also love the idea of post-DN Ide patching Matsuda up after Light's imposed destruction, taking care of him & helping him heal. Honestly, I could ship Matsuda with anyone because to me he is just so lovable~

nOTP: Sayu/Matsuda. Just because for personal reasons, I want Sayu to escape the narrative 🥺. She still has her entire life ahead of her, and I want her to have the chance to branch out & heal & become a new person. I don't want her to feel like she has no choice but to cling to the people she knew before everything changed, as a way of trying to hold onto a previous, untraumatized version of herself. I don't want her entire life to be mired in decisions based in trauma & grief.

random headcanon: Idr who it was, but someone mentioned they headcannoned Matsuda as secretly really enjoying being Misa's manager & that he considered switching careers after the Kira case. I really like this one, I feel like Matsuda was actually a really good manager. He had the right amt of enthusiasm & booked Misa some really good gigs.

unpopular opinion: I'm not sure if it's an unpopular opinion, but how Matsuda is highly influenceable & lacks conviction/faith in his own ideals! To quote you since you summarized it so succinctly, he's "heavily motivated to act in the way that makes the people he looks up to proud, rather than his choices flowing primarily from his own principles necessarily." I feel that because of this, while he is very sweet & wholesome, he tends to edge more towards morally neutral than morally good for me, and has a capacity to be swayed towards bad.

song i associate with them: I'm not very good with songs for characters, but perhaps Closer to Fine by Indigo Girls for post-dn Matsu? A bittersweet but hopeful song about trying to find your way out of the muddled grey and black and white, and trying to come to terms with the fact that there may no answers as to the "why".

favorite picture of them: How could it not be this lol

Now Killua!!! Omg thank you for asking about him, I love him very much & have cosplayed him before <3

favorite thing about them: It's hard to put into words, but I really appreciate Killua's vulnerability, both physically & emotionally, especially in juxtaposition with his combative strength. I find it poignant to the themes of hxh that Killua's special combative abilities have come at the expense of his personal & bodily autonomy, and that this is shown through implication to be the terrible thing that it is. I also really love that despite trauma, he is able to let himself just be kid & form meaningful connections & allows himself to find joy 💜

least favorite thing about them: Related to my favorite thing, I find it incredibly frustrating that Killua is incapable of letting any vulnerability leak out in front of Gon!!!! Killua has a lot going on internally & goes through a couple breakdowns followed by moments of self-realization, but always away from Gon's perception. He doesn't even tell Gon he tore his brother's nen needle out of his forehead iirc 😭. Part of it, I think, is that he doesn't want Gon to treat him any differently, he just wants to pretend he's a normal kid with no trauma to weigh him down & have fun freely. Which is completely understandable. And he's also just a kid, who doesn't fully understand or know how to express emotions. But it is very painful to watch him go through so much internal turmoil while holding onto the image of Gon as his guiding light; while Gon has no idea anything is happening in his friend's mind at all. 😭😭😭 (There is a very good post here about their miscommunication.)

favorite line: "Yep... I'm so humble :3", when he's demonstrating the difference in power between Hisoka, Gon, and himself. Adorable moment!

brOTP: Killua & Leorio get along just like squabbling siblings lmao, but you can tell they have a fondness for eachother. I feel like Leorio is the older brother Killua should have had 🥺🥺🥺

OTP: Killugon is so dear & sweet! I feel like their friendship is built up so masterfully; where two people who it feels like shouldn't get along, fit together perfectly. And then they seem to keep on going perfectly, until all of a sudden the cracks come out, and they don't anymore, and they both have to grow up a little to fix it.

nOTP: Killupika. I don't hate it, but I can't really see it either. From my two watchthroughs, Killua & Kurapika's interactions didn't seem to leave much of an impression on me because I cannot remember them 😅

random headcanon: I enjoy the fic trope that the reason Killua is the Zoldyck heir because of his white hair. Usually I've seen it in conjuction with white hair being symbolic of containing stronger power, but I like it best when that's not the case & it is solely tradition for the white-haired child to be the heir. I find it very amusing and canon-type silly lol.

unpopular opinion: I have only seen the anime so perhaps it is different in the manga. But I remember thinking on my second watchthrough that while Gon said some very harsh things during the palace invasion, Killua's insecurities during this arc started before then when Gon simply said "let's go," and Killua didn't know if he meant it as a friend or teammate. Tbh I think that insecurity is something Killua needs to work on on his own for a while, & that the temporary break might be good for them. They are both two very traumatized kids who have problems with boundaries & communication. I feel like they need a little time to figure out their own needs & wants & identities, without imposing or being imposed upon by each other.

song i associate with them: Again I'm not very good with songs for characters, but maybe White Foxes by Suzanne Sundfor, as a visceral song about wanting to leave your constrictive gilded cage and embrace a more organic, freeing existence.

favorite picture of them: Early style sketchy Killua <3

[wardensantoineandevka]

y'know, most of us are saying this or that about "Bells Hells choosing to release Predathos to remove the gods from Exandria," but — and admittedly my memory might be shaky on this one due to East Coast time — Bells Hells hasn't even gotten that far yet, as far as I remember

like, at minimum it seems that people are FEELING that the Hells haven't even made a decision about whether they even want to let Predathos out or not, or what they want to do about the gods. they were in the process of trying to ask Predathos what it wanted to do and whether it was possible to convince it to go back where it came from without bothering anyone at all. the current situation is more at "Predathos is trying to grab you and use you as a host, what are you doing" without making a clear choice about the implications of the results of resisting or not resisting

we're still in a bit of a not having made a choice yet either way about Predathos's intent to escape or what that would mean for the gods or the state of Exandria, we're not even at the moment of unfolding in text whether Imogen intends for this to be a way to control Predathos to guide it toward another end, whether she is making this as an active choice to try to contain it and prevent it from escaping, whether she is making this as an active choice to aid it, whether she is simply giving in as a resignation to what she feels is inevitable fate

a choice has been made to not resist being taken up by Predathos, but there... hasn't been a clear choice at all so far about the actual narrative question of what to do with Predathos and the gods, like, that's still something that remains undecided on by the party, they hadn't even made a decision yet when the reaching and grabbing happened, so like, yeah

[sirsunnydays]

i redesigned my funky bugsona

they have four arms now,

click on the image for better quality btw

[curioscurio]

When the blood work comes back completely normal and you're relieved but still left with no answers

[dank-noodlez]

I both love and hate how my brain just comes up with all of these interesting ideas for art and fanfiction.

I am excited and would like to contribute more to the Soul Eater fandom, yet for some reason, I do NOT have enough motivation to get through them all (there is a lot). Not in a very timely manner. 😭

Why why WHY?

[mermaidsirennikita]

I just don't think an author should edit the racist (or otherwise problematic) shit they wrote out of an edition of their book, let the other editions go out of print, and not at least leave a note acknowledging that they made the edits because they wrote something problematic and they apologize, but if you're buying this book you should probably know that it had content you may find offensive.

[grntaire]

it is crazy how much better singing i do stoned. i am so much more relaxed and present in my body that i can really like. FEEL my larynx and hyoid and can be aware of my breathing.

[leah2eroes]

tumblr stopped being fun at some point in the last like 3 weeks. i hope it comes back. i feel awful.

[alchemicaladarna]

I'm thinking about making a pre-fallen angel q!BBH design soon. When I have the motivation to... But basically my vision for angel qBBH is that he is almost like an antithesis to demon/current q!bbh. Basically, if his demonic form has dark, shadowy void skin, I think it would be perfect if his angelic form looked a little less humanoid and more like a physical form of light itself. Something that is otherworldly, ethereal, and terrifyingly unknown...

Actually, the fact that it's so hard to explain my interpretation right now is kind of perfect, because I think angels are meant to be abstract and so far removed from the physical world, therefore humanity, that you can't really explain them.

I've noticed some people designing angel q!BBH that looks more human, and while I don't think there is anything wrong with that (design characters to your heart's desire <3) in my opinion, angels are beings that the human mind simply can't comprehend. Like, that time when Bad was explaining the whole concept of the 4d time thing, it took someone drawing a diagram for me to understand it, and even then I still have trouble fully comprehending that. That's what angels are, and my interpretation of q!BBH, at least. Plus, it would go so well with him falling, becoming a demon and literally being corrupted by darkness yk?

And when I say symmetrical- like light vs dark, I don't really mean that as a parallel to good vs evil because there are so many gray areas with how heaven vs hell and character morality is presented in the qsmp. So I think heaven/light lines up with order and perfection. A cleanliness that must be kept pure, emotionless, and distant. Whereas hell/darkness is chaos, desire, and flaws that relate more to humanity.

Anyways, I went in a little tangent but basically: angels=light=strict order/harsh justice and demon/falling from heaven= darkness=chaos=humanity.

[doomed-era]

actually writer mutuals how do you handle character motives from scene to scene

[suddencolds]

~

[mad-hunts]

you know, even though barton is pretty consistently active in gotham's underground, there have been two times in particular throughout the years that he just seemed to disappear into thin air for like a month or so. like no one could contact him, and his kids seemed to have nothing to say about the subject + shooed people away if they showed up to his clinic expecting to get medical care when it's actually been closed for an extended period of time. and i still think people have no idea what happened, BUT that's because barton's kids are honestly such real ones sometimes because they kept everything that was happening very private.

the reality of the situation is that he was suffering so deeply from depression that he was not eating or drinking anything and didn't speak / say anything to anyone for a time... so, to say that his depression was really bad would definitely not be an exaggeration. but yeahhh, i was just saying this because i know i made a post about how barton's depression can make it so that he physically can not get out of bed in arkham, but it's also something that plagues him outside of it as well + he has had major depressive episodes where he experienced mutism as i was talking about before and thus, i feel like not only does barton try to check in on his kids (whenever he's not being an arsehole that is jsjsj) but they also check up on him to make sure thing's are okay with him mentally

[mimicteruyo]

My writing progress for the week: made one (1) note regarding a new scene fragment that currently has no natural place in the story.

[vegley]

hi guys i am pretty bored