#((oh also since Fall Back is always a saturday and i went home weekends in college))

[magicalqueennightmare]

Jealousy

After falling into bed, neither you or Billy are sure where you stand

Miserable. There was no other word for it. What made it worse was that you couldn't talk to the one person you always turned to because he was the reason for the misery.

You were laid across Karen's couch, watching her pace the floor as she talked to someone from the bulletin. They were stressing about the evening edition and Ellison was out for a couples days due to his daughter's wedding. You were glad she had seniority meaning you could just watch her bitch at the interns and not have to intervene.

You turned until your feet was over the back of the couch and your hair was touching the floor. If nothing else you managed to pull a smile to her face when she saw your current position. She made a few more loops before hanging up. She cocked her head to the side staring at you "Honey? Something wrong?"

You shook your head. How the hell were you supposed to tell her that the previous week you'd spent Friday night and most of Saturday in Billy's bed? The first night could've been blamed on the alcohol but when the two of you woke up the next morning you weren't sure what the excuse could be for the other two rounds you went for in the bed or the one in the shower or the one on his couch.

She studied you for a moment "Bullshit. Spill" she crossed her arms and you grinned slightly "uh oh. I've instigated Miss Page" she shook her head and motioned with her fingers for you to turn the correct way on the couch. You turned slowly, steadying yourself before patting the cushion next to you "I want to tell you but you and Frank have one of them annoyingly close and trusted relationships where you don't hide anything from each other"

She sat down and you saw the tiny crease between her eyes which meant she was trying to figure out the meaning behind your words "Did something happen while we were gone last weekend?:" you groaned before burying your face in your hands. Maybe if you weren't looking at her it wouldn't be as bad? "I slept with Billy" you mumbled.

After silence overtook you both you weren't sure she'd heard you. The moment you pulled your hands down you knew she had because she was staring at you open mouthed "What?" You let out a long sigh "I had sex with Billy, a few times actually over the course of Friday night leading into Saturday afternoon"

She looked nearly comical the way she opened and shut her mouth a few times before finally asking "Well was it good?" "Karen!" You scolded and she cracked up laughing "What am I supposed to say here? I mean are you two like together now?"

You shrugged "I don't know. I mean we've talked since then but not about what happened.Billy has always been flirty with me and he's big on physical touch so I have no fucking clue where I stand because I mean he's Billy. He's my friend and means a lot to me but I know he's not the settle down one woman type. I don't want to bring up the elephant in the room just to get shut out you know?" She nodded slowly, a sigh escaping her. "Christ I'm glad Frank had to work late. My poker face is shit if I don't have forewarning"

You laughed lightly "Also explains why I've been avoiding direct conversation with Frank. He can see right through my bullshit" she nodded again "True. I mean, we're all going out tomorrow night for Foggy and Marci's anniversary. You'll have moral support. I think Curt has a date but everyone else will be there even Claire and Jess are coming. Test the waters maybe?"

You slouched down further on the couch, nearly hitting the floor "What if I just hide under your bed and refuse to come out?" She laughed "Well I mean you could but do you really want to be under and listen when.." "No!" You cut her off mid sentence sliding on down to the floor "Fine. I'll go but I'm sticking close to you and Frank so no funny business until I head home got it?" She nodded, biting her lip to keep from laughing at your distress "Yes ma'am"

Frank walked into the bar with one arm around Karen who was holding your hand. You knew you shouldn't be feeling like this. It was Billy. You'd known each other for so long, a part of you wasn't surprised that you fell into bed. The attraction had long since been there you just never meant to actually give in to it.

----------

A part of you wanted to just hide behind Frank all night but he'd know something was up if you didn't socialize at least a bit. As much as you didn't want to face an awkward conversation with Billy, one with Frank seemed even worse somehow.

The moment you walked into the door the music hit your ears. It was a song you loved, that calmed your nerves slightly. Frank stopped before turning to you and Karen "You two want your usuals?" You nodded so he kissed Karen's cheek before heading to the bar. Karen pulled you closer to her, wrapping an arm around your shoulders "Breathe. It'll be fun. All our friends are here. It's gonna be a good evening"

You looked around and spotted Foggy dancing with Marci. They both waved when they saw the two of you. You heard your name being called and saw Jessica and Trish heading their way towards you and Karen. You smiled seeing the two of them, Jessica was a little rough around the edges but you'd known her for some time. "Hey Jess! Hey Trish!" You greeted.

"Good to see you Y/N, you too Karen" Trish greeted as Jessica pulled you into a one armed hug. She glanced around once she released you "Where's Castle? I know him and Russo are around here somewhere" Frank walked back up about that time "Dunno where Bill is but how ya been Jess?" The two of then started talking so Trish grabbed your arm "Care for a dance?" You laughed cutting your eyes at Karen "I'll be back and don't worry you're still my favorite blonde"

Karen's laughter trickled to your ears as Trish pulled you onto the dance floor.

----------

After about half an hour you figured Billy just wasn't coming. He'd yet to show up so you had relaxed into the evening, even venturing away from Karen and Frank a few times. You were waiting at the bar for another drink when you had that hope squashed. You felt someone step up next to you, a hand brushing against your lower back and spun to tell whoever it was to give you some breathing room. Instead of some random drunk though Billy was leaning on the bar with a grin spread across his face "Easy there Y/N"

You let out a breath because even though you hadn't looked forward to facing him the thought of some overly enthusiastic drunk asshole made your head hurt. "Hey Billy" you greeted with a small smile. He looked good as always, black jeans and a dark green sweater. His eyes bore into you slightly and you had to resist the urge to fidget in your seat from the weight of his stare.

When the bartender came over with your drink Billy reached over your head before you could pay to hand him a twenty. "Rest of her drinks go on my tab" you raised an eyebrow at the bartender "No they don't. Keep that twenty as a tip" then passed over the amount for the drink in your hand.

The bartender looked a mixture of amused and not wanting to get into whatever you and Billy had going on. He passed Billy a beer then walked off. "So I can't pay for your drinks?" "I've never asked for you to pay my way Billy. I have a decent job, might not be a ceo who wears custom made suits on the daily but I get by well enough" he chuckled lightly "You have always been so damn independent. It doesn't hurt to let someone help ya"

You shook your head, staring up at him as you said "If someone is harassing me hell yeah I'll ring for help, my car break down and it's more than I have at hand I will call but Billy I can buy my own drinks" he smiled broadly "Ok darling. At least you've agreed to let me help with anything big"

You pushed away from the bar and felt him follow you. Billy's presence was something you couldn't very well ignore even if you wanted to.

When you got closer to the table you'd been sitting at with Karen and Frank she cut her eyes up and you knew the moment she spotted Billy behind you because they got wider. You slid onto the chair next to her so Billy took up residence in the chair on your right. "Damn Bill. Didn't think you were gonna make it"

You turned towards Karen begging for conversation when Billy said "That meeting with Samantha Milton ran longer than I thought" Frank made a noise which was a mixture of a scoff and a laugh. You knew what that meant. Samantha was gorgeous and eyeing Billy, probably vice versa as well. "Yeah I bet it did"

You felt your entire body stiffen when Billy's leg bumped against yours and prayed he didn't notice. He reached his left hand out to rest on your knee but you moved away quickly, nearly knocking into Karen.

"Y/N you good?" Frank asked and you smiled "Yeah. I um I gotta use the bathroom. Karen wanna come with me?" She smiled at Frank "We'll be right back" she grabbed your arm and the two of you slipped away into the crowd. God you were an idiot. Why did you think it would change anything? Yeah the sex was amazing but it was just sex, that much was now blazingly apparent.

----------

"So what's the play?" Karen asked after clearing the bathroom to ensure it was in fact just the two of you. You stared at her blankly "What play Kare?"

She motioned towards the door "Billy and the Milton chic?" You smiled despite everything. Karen was a one in a million friend, willing to go to bat even when you weren't. You shook your head "There's no play Kare. Me and him had a drunk night that washed over into the next day. I shouldn't let it effect years of friendship and I'm not going to so please just act like you know nothing? For my sake, for Frank's sake"

She rolled her eyes but nodded "Fine but I'm accidently kicking him at least once tonight" you laughed and grabbed her hand to head back out "I'd expect nothing less"

----------

By the time the two of you made it back to the table Frank was talking on the phone while Billy was peeling the label off his beer looking borderline annoyed. "Something wrong?" You asked once you were sat back down next to him.

He cut his eyes at you "Could ask you the same" "I'm good" you replied and held his gaze. He nodded slowly "Good" Frank hung up then looked at Karen "How long you wanna stay out?" She shrugged "It's Friday night. None of us have to work tomorrow" he grinned "Good. Remember Rumlow?"

Your eyes shot up at the name. Brock Rumlow. He was a couple years older than Frank and former army rangers. He'd gone into working for shield and last you heard worked close with Darcy Lewis and Jane Foster. He was pretty chill and not bad to look at either. "Brock’s in town?" You asked and he nodded "Should be here in a few minutes" "Awesome. Glad I decided to come out tonight then"

You missed the look that passed between Billy and Frank and the way that Billy's jaw clenched at your words. So you had been on the fence about coming out, even though it was originally for Marci and Foggy. Now you were excited to see Rumlow of all people?

He was sitting right next to you, within arm's reach. If you wanted anything all you had to do was ask. He thought after the hours you'd spent together the previous weekend that it was a step towards him and you being more than friends. He'd done everything in his power to show you how good he could make you feel, how much he wanted you. He could still feel your nails biting into his back, hear the way you moaned his name. What the hell had he done wrong?

Maybe you'd gotten the wrong idea, thought it was just sex. Maybe you didn't want him the way he wanted you? Shit though, every day he had women and some days men throwing themselves at him. He was a good lucking guy, damn good job and thought he treated you well. He was also your friend, he knew you in every way. Why the fuck were you excited to see Rumlow?

You spotted Brock the moment he walked in. He was about Frank's build, black hair he always wore short but not cropped. The thing that always got you was the fact that much like Frank and Billy, Brock had this aura about him that any creep within fifty feet would immediately back off their mark. You could sense the fact that all three men were dangerous, had done unspeakable things and would do so again to protect someone they deemed worth of it.

Frank let out a loud whistle and Brock grinned when he spotted all of you. "Castle! How the hell are ya?" The two of them greeted each other with that one armed hug men do. "Can't complain man" Frank replied with a laugh as Brock drug another chair over to the table, sitting between you and Karen. "How's it going Russo?" He asked Billy who gave a sharp nod "Like Frankie said man, can't complain"

Brock nodded then looked between you and Karen "You two are gorgeous as always" you and her both smiled. "Nice to see you too Brock" she replied and you added "Yeah its been a while. I wanna hear about Darcy and Jane!"

The two of you went into a conversation, dragging Karen in as well. Out the corner of your eye you saw Frank cut his eyes at Billy "Let's grab another round" "Yeah I don't know how much longer I'm staying out" Billy replied but stood to follow Frank nonetheless.

--------------

Brock watched them walk away then looked back towards you "Something up with Russo? Last time I saw him like that my unit was passing his and Frank's overseas" you shrugged one shoulder as Karen leaned up to look around Brock at you "Couldn't even imagine what's wrong with Billy"

Brock looked from Karen to you "Did I miss something?" You shook your head "Don't worry about it Brock, now tell me more about Darcy"

----------

Billy followed Frank back to the table carrying his drink and yours. He could feel his jaw clench harder when he heard your laughter then got closer to see your head laid over on Brock’s arm as you both laughed.

"What's so funny?" He asked sitting down next to you. You glanced towards him and shrugged "Brock was telling us something about one of the women he works with" Brock was watching you while you talked to Billy and christ a part of him wanted to ask just what the hell Brock was looking at.

What was wrong with him? Rumlow was a decent enough guy. He'd known him for years, why the hell was he getting under his skin so much tonight?

----------

The answer hit him like a brick when a song started playing that he knew you and Karen both loved. Karen's eyes lit up "Frank wanna dance?" The two of them headed for the dance floor.

You sat there for a moment, clearly considering your next option before turning to Brock "I only see you like every six months or so, wanna push me round the dance floor one time?" He nodded "Would be my pleasure doll"

He watched the two of you head to the dance floor and silently fumed. The idea of Brock’s hands on your body was infuriating. Images of you under him flashed through his head, the way your skin tasted on his lips. Christ the way you'd felt.

When the images changed to you under Brock, clinging to him, moaning his name Billy damn near broke the glass in his hand. His eyes flew up to the dance floor and when he spotted you with your body that close to Brock’s he was on his feet without another thought. Fuck this, fuck things left unsaid. If he was going to lose any chance with you tonight, it wouldn't be because he went down without a fight.

----------

"You gonna tell me what's really going on with you and Bill?" Brock asked after a moment. You shrugged looking up at him "I can't tell you"

"Why not?" He asked with a smirk, leaning down a little closer to the point that if anyone just glanced it probably looked like a kiss had been shared. "Promise not to tell" he whispered. You laughed before burying your face into the crook of his neck "We slept together"

"What's that?" He asked so you leaned back to look up at him "We've been dancing around each other then Frank and Karen were gone and we were alone" he laughed and you weren't sure if it was how you worded things or the look you were sure you had on your face "So that's why he's plotted my murder four times?"

You shook your head "It's not like that Brock" he looked over your head and chuckled "Sure about that?" You were about to ask what he'd meant when you heard Billy's voice "Anyway I can cut in? I wanna talk to Y/N"

Your eyes widened when Brock’s reply was "Up to her man. She asked me to dance" you could practically feel Billy bristle up. Any time he got angry enough to fight he was like a tightly coiled spring, like a damn animal ready to pounce. You winked at Brock "Yeah, fine by me" he nodded then leaned down to press a kiss to your cheek before saying "In that case I'm gonna go find Nelson and his girl"

---------

You turned back to Billy and christ his eyes were pitch black. Oh he was angry. "You wanted to dance?" You asked innocently. He reached one hand out to pull you flush against his body "Can we walk outside and talk instead, Doll" the edge he put to the word doll was sharp enough you could feel a shiver run up your spine.

You looked around to see that Frank was looking over at the two of you. "Frank's watching Billy" his eyes never left yours when he said "I don't care" you pushed back from him "I do. You're not gonna ignore me for the most part then act possessive"

A groan left him "Y/N, sweetheart I have never been rough with you but this is one time if you won't stop being a stubborn ass I very well may throw you over my damn shoulder and walk out this bar, Frank be damned" you raised an eyebrow at the threat. Part of you wanted to call his bluff, the other was afraid if Frank got the wrong idea. "Fine. I'll go outside and talk to you"

His hand went to your lower back "C'mon then" you snatched away from him "I'm grabbing my jacket and telling Frank and Karen some excuse" He cut his eyes at you but nodded.

----------

Frank was watching you hard when you walked back over "Everything good?" You nodded, forcing a smile "This place is kinda packed. I need some fresh air so Billy offered to walk me outside"

Frank nodded, looking at Billy before saying "You got her?" Billy nodded "Yeah man. Always" you smiled when Billy offered you his arm in front of Frank so you took it, holding onto it until you were outside.

You snatched away from Billy the moment you were outside "Talk" he scoffed when you walked a few feet away from him. "What are you doing with Rumlow?" He knew you better than he knew himself which meant he knew exactly what button to push to make you just pissed enough that truth would come slipping out your lips.

"The hell you mean?" You asked and he smirked "Oh Brock’s coming. Oh dance with me Brock. You sound like a damn high-school kid at your first dance" you crossed your arms, glaring at him "Fuck you Billy"

He laughed at that, quickly covering the space between you. He left just enough room to not be completely crowding your space "Fuck me huh? Didn't you already do that?"

----------

How dare he be so damn cocky? How dare he know you well enough to know what would get under your skin? "Damn you" you shoved his chest when you spoke "You have side stepped for a week! You wouldn't fucking talk about it! You acted like it didn't happen! If it was just sex you could've told me Billy"

His smirk just got deeper with every word you spoke and every time you shoved against him "Are you done?:" he asked when you stopped talking. You glared up at him. He was do damn close and fuck he smelled good.

One of his hands came up to catch your face and fuck it all you nearly lost all composure then and there at the memories of his hands on your body. "Wanna know what I think?" He asked holding your face in place. "What?" He smiled before surging forward, catching your lips with his own.

His other hand went to your hip and pulled you against his body. You almost whimpered against his lips when he walked you backwards until your back brushed the wall of the bar. He pulled back just enough that you both got a breath of air before attacking your lips again.

You got your senses enough to push his chest. One movement was all it took for him to pause in his actions "What is this Billy? Between us?" He raised an eyebrow trying to catch your lips again and when you wouldn't let him he dropped his forehead to your neck "Tell me you haven't thought about us. Tell me you don't want us" one of his hands moved from your hip, down your thigh to slide under the skirt you were wearing. Your breath caught in your throat at the feelings of his fingers digging into the soft flesh.

"What about Samantha Milton?" You managed to breathe out, feeling his smile against your skin. The hand on your thigh slid up further and when his fingers grazed over your clothed center it took every ounce of will power you'd ever had to not crumple then and there. He caught your lips in a bruising kiss before a smirk slipped onto his face "You're jealous"

He let his hand return to your hip, giving you a chance to think more clearly "and you're not jealous over Brock?" You saw his jaw clench and couldn't fight the urge to make him admit it "Maybe I should go back in there to him" his grip tightened on your hips "I wonder what his tongue would feel like, how his hands on my body would feel"

He leaned down to be face to face "I don't fuckin want Milton. I want you and I know for a fact Brock ain't takin you from me without one of us getting our ass beat tonight. So either tell me here and now you don't want me and I'll go knock that smirk off his face or tell you want me and I'll take you home with me and see just how many times I can get you to scream my name. Hell ill fuck you here and now so the whole of New York City knows you're my girl"

You swallowed hard at his words whether from the fact that he'd called you his girl or that you were trying to ignore the wave of heat they pushed through you. Your decision was made before you ever spoke "Take me home"

[aintnoscience]

Longest Summer

Saturday, October 14th 2023. 14:13 WIB

I never really like summer.

I grew up in a city with the average temperature of 33C. As I wrote this, the temperature is 31C. The highest is 32C. I don't know how could I survived living in my hometown. lol

I'm struggling to sleep every nigh. My fan is broken so sometimes I have to open the window if I find the temperature is unbearable. I have to sacrifice my skin to got bitten by the mosquitoes.

I don't know why I write this. It's Saturday afternoon. I have some chores to do and homework due tomorrow. I'm listening to Christmas songs with a hope that I can remember how cold it feels in December.

I wanna know how it feels to have a snow season, but I don't know if I can handle the winter well (I haven't tried).

My favorite season is autumn/fall. It's always chill in autumn. Not too hot nor too cold. Just perfect.

It's October and it should've been autumn here. But the climate is messed up and we're just doomed.

It's not my first time experiencing this kind of weird climate. I remember it was "summer" too in October 2019. I remember it well because I lived in my aunt's house for a while. It was always hot at night. I'm checking the weather's app everyday, when would it rain. And it says November lol.

Last year the autumn was perfect. It was raining since September. I remember it well because I went home for like two weeks to my parents house, and as I went back here, the weather was chilly and it was raining every day. I also remember it well because sometimes I have to skip class because it rained hard.

I'm hesitating whether should I buy a new fan or not. I've tried to fix my fan, but it broke again after two weeks. And not gonna lie, it was kinda expensive, compare to if I have to save to buy a better fan.

I don't like hot weather. I function slowly in heat lol. I don't like sweating. And also my skin is itchy from the mosquito bites.

Oh, I haven't received my payment fee yet haha. My manager said by the end of this week (It's weekend btw). I forgot to buy fresh food stocks yesterday, only noodles lol. Let's pray she doesn't forget.

I have a wishlist. I want a new camera. It's only 3000K (not much??). If I have to sell my current camera and get like 2000K ish, I'll only have to add 1000K (girl math). Again, let's pray for another job by the end of this month (a paid one of course).

This post is literally just a jumbly thinking process of mine rn lol. Idk what I'm doing. I just wanna type something on my computer while having completely zero thoughts on my mind and listening to good music (I'm listening to SKZ rn). Maybe just to have some sense of importance or productivity while I'm actually procrastinating.

I'm hungry and I need to do laundry.

Bye for now.

[mvillamemoirs]

sept 2020 unloading continued.

Wednesday, September 30th, 2020

-Danny brought me food and coffee this morning. My head is pounding like crazy- very hungover darnit. Went to work, i believe I was still somewhat drunk. It’s Dr Hoffman’s birthday, saw myself crash with energy towards the end. Headache grew more intense, Dr McMurray doesn’t want me to go home. So envious of steph that she has that luxury to call out, i should’ve too as I was completely irresponsible.

-Tried to do deliveries with steph, just tired overall. As we got to downtown san jose, i’m so tired of seeing druggies and homeless folks. I pity them, but I just feel stuck being left alone, and looked at like a target.

-So ready to go home and sleep. I think I may reschedule my therapy appointment tomorrow since i feel symptoms of being burned out.

Tuesday, September 29th, 2020

-Test is today, I have 2 hours. I should unwind and review my study sheet for it. I don’t feel as confident, but trying to minimize my anxiety. Sucks that it’s been so long with school that I don’t have an effective method of studying down. Ugh, update- that test started to irritate me once it got to the lab part. I don’t think 3.5 hours of testing back to back is effective. I just feel stressed that we’re getting tested with realistic images versus how lecture and lab meetings normally went through the book. I just have to let it go.

-Work was good for the duration of the shift. It always goes by fast, but I was still dwelling over my test. My irritation seems pretty high today. 

-Went home, relieved I didn’t have any homework due this week for anatomy, went to go hang out with steph as she did deliveries. We ended up drinking a 4loko for old sakes, talked about jerome, danny, and everything overall. I’m so happy that it’s working out with her and Jerome despite mine and his history. It seems like a perfect fit and I’m happy for her!

-She came back to my house, we finished the wine bottle that’s been chillin in my fridge since July. Felt like everything was spinning by bedtime. Danny is at work, and it made me just miss him. The most cigarettes i’ve smoked in a while!!

Monday, September 28th, 2020

-Very productive at work. Towards the end, I kept thinking I should've called out since I have a test tomorrow. I feel very super anxious about it. Oh, Anatomy.

-Energy pretty darn on point and feeling very motivated that I’m understanding material. 

-Wondering if i’ll be enough for Danny with our existing conflicting work schedules, schoolwork, and now even more school with NHI starting soon. I just have to remind myself to go with the flow, focus on my priorities.

 Sunday, September 27th, 2020

-Woke up at Dannys house. I feel uneasy. Had 2 mimosas before coming into Lokahi. Mom was giving me crap for not vacuuming after my dog. Responsibilities that I suppose I’ve been neglecting.

-Remembered it was Awet’s birthday, i miss hanging out!!

Saturday, September 26th, 2020

-I can totally see me and Danny living with each other. Things went smooth today. Had him over in the morning, made breakfast at my house, and changed his oil. Nala really loves him.

-Study bug bit me deep. Eustress. Studied a lot today, and am really enjoying having today off to get time to myself.

-I find myself falling for Danny more. I’m seeing a pattern where I'm relying on him a lot again, and I hate that feeling. I also find myself questioning, do I really have feelings for him or if I’m just settling. He hardly tells me how he feels, I don’t know what to expect, and don’t like to feel vulnerable and have my guard down for anyone. I don’t know how serious he is about me, I want to know, but am okay with not knowing.

-More cars on the road, traffic blows.

-Thinking about how much i have on my plate- school, work, court thing.

Friday, September 25th, 2020

-Super excited at work, energy is high and so is productivity. Making efforts to plan out studying over this weekend as I do have an anatomy course. Also thinking about if I’m enough for Danny if whatever this is will proceed moving forward.

-Had anxiety about making dinner, went with him to help a friend fix her tire. It’s interesting that he has many friends that are females, but again, I have to remind myself not to push things and just let it go. Ate pizza with him, slept at his house.

-Random thoughts of the day is that I’m seeing less of steph, I should be branching out my social circle, too, but i feel like school is taking over.

Thursday, September 24th, 2020

-Woke up from Danny’s house. He’s so handsome. I like cuddling with him. Not sure if it’s my period, but I feel strong feelings towards him and feel like I don’t get the same in return as much. I start to feel insecure like he’s doing something else suspicious, but know it’s just me. He’s busy and I respect his grind, it just motivates me to do the same with the time I have, and go from there.

-Went home and tried to knock a lot of chores before class started. I vacuumed, did a load of laundry, changed the bed sheets, made breakfast and swept the floors. Also brushed Nala to bond with her and deshed her since her fall coat is coming in.

-Looking over the past few days, not smoking an entire cigarette in one sitting is helping me to wean off of them. I fell off and started to smoke in my car again, as well as in my backyard. My midback has been feeling sore a lot. The adjustment helped yesterday, but I really think it’s my poor desk set up with online school work and at work. 

-Went to work, did a lot of cleaning up, not so much production with getting notes for a patient out. Luckily patient time ended early today.

Wednesday, September 23rd, 2020

-Work has been bothering me all day today. I think it’s my boss’ misdirection or frazzled mentality this morning and Milenna’s attitude. I do see a difference when my boss doesn’t make time to complete his reports, and messes with the schedule and patient flow. 

-Came home for lunch by habit and caught up with Meilani. It was nice to see what’s going on with her. Shared the idea of moving in with Danny, she’s looking at bigger apartments with Dru, and she pops the question of me filling mom in on the idea. Told her not yet, because this is just step one- just browsing, but did make me realize how I should go on about it when it comes to telling my Mom about it.

-Came home, read for my psych class, getting caught up but need more time to myself to read and study for both psych, and mainly Anatomy.

-Hung out with Danny and his cousin at night time, felt like I shouldn’t because of my schoolwork, but I did miss spending time with him so why not. Hanging out with Danny just made me realize I’m getting dependent on him to be around. I don’t like having that type of mentality, even though it feels good to feel wanted. Like what are we? I’d like to know where this is going, but again I’m just going with the flow and don’t want to put myself through any more things that I’m already invested in. ALSO, if I’m struggling with things now, it’s only going to get crazier when massage classes start.

Tuesday, September 22nd, 2020

-I feel like the busiest of all bees. I was very productive this morning. Walked Nala, took her to her post spay check up, had class, and went to work. Luckily my energy was up there, and I kept the ball rolling with catching up on reading and class work. Coming home from work just made me realize that this Anatomy class is a ton of work with 5-6 assignments due twice a week.. . .and this is just one class!

-Started to look at apartments, yesterday morning just made me realize how things are getting close to pre-covid times- ie traffic. I don’t like traffic at all, like where all these cars and crazy drivers come from as Santa Clara County isn’t full on open yet. It was nice having a ghost town while it lasted.

-Zarinah hit me up saying to visit her out in Philly for Halloween. I’m tempted, but don’t want to fall off from my schoolwork, travel with COVID still occurring, and spend money when I have other priorities to pay off.

Monday, September 21st, 2020

-I don’t like how coworkers bring their outside funk into the office- or just in general. It’s not preferable for me to dumb down my energy or be around weighed-down vibes when I’m not vibrating ar that level. I feel like that’s something that should be checked out at the door and be placed privately. Misery really loves company I guess.

-Work went really well, vibes were high in the back office, I really have no complaints at this rate.

Sunday, September 20th, 2020

-Super excited for Danny to get back to town, bummed I still have to work until 3pm, and he works graveyard. I like this slow pace that we’re in. It’s like we’re re-kindling the flame at a slower, cautious pace. I just hope if we were to move forward again, that we’re enough for each other despite our conflict of work schedule.

Saturday, September 19th, 2020

-I felt like today went really fast-paced. I felt like I was constantly on the go, with something to do right after the other. I had work at Lokahi, came home to get dressed and come back to my weekday job to get things done and Staples to pick up things. Energy was pretty high up there and didn’t mind making up hours missed during the weekday due to school work. 

-Afterwards, I completely forgot about Kristine’s party at Raymond’s house to celebrate her getting her Masters. Super excited for her journey, as well as second-guessing my educational route. Had drinks with everyone, including steph and my sister. Overall fun playing beer pong, corn hole, and wished Danny was still there.

-I like how open me and Steph were becoming talking about Jerome and Danny.

-I feel like I am in dire need of sleep and rest and strictly me time.

Friday, September 18th, 2020

-I feel very motivated to get things done today. I liked how I was able to go at my pace with school work and work duties. Very free-flowing and getting creative with how to train these 2 people at work.

-After work I got home and just chilled. It made me realize how used to Danny’s presence I’m getting accustomed to. I feel at ease with him. 

Thursday, September 17th, 2020

-Dropped Danny off to the airport to go to Oregon, wish I was going. I wish he planned it ahead of time so I can go with him.

Wednesday, September 16th, 2020

-Very productive at work. Got a lot of work done.

-Dropped food over at danny's work. I feel conflicted with everything, but don’t want to look too deep into what me and him are, nor even think I’m ready to add that to my plate.

-Talked with my Attorney about the whole getting arrested thing. It eased my mind the options he gave me. I see my anxiety levels greatly minimizing. Keeping positive thoughts overall.

-I’m making progress with limiting cravings of smoking cigarettes. 

Tuesday, September 15th, 2020

-Woke up at dannys, came home, did online class, then went to go have brunch with Danny. Had a swirl and somalian food. It was such a bust that I didn’t get Bill's cafe or Hash house because they closed less than an hour from when my class ended- but it was a good celebration overall. Napped before he went to work, only to come home and nap some more until people came over.

-It was nice having a small get together with family and a couple friends. It was cute how my mom wanted to cook, simply because I didn’t know where/what to eat. It was a good celebration overall, wish Danny was there, wished my other friends came through, but again, mom is worried about covid, etc, etc.

-it sometimes tired me living in this house. I want my freedom, it’s a tease how Danny wants to move in together, I feel scattered.

-It feels weird being in the spotlight. I don’t like it. I remember even feeling uneasy over the weekend about what to do. I don’t think I’m a planner type, it feels pressuring. I felt okay being by myself but happy how this turned out.

-I liked how I finally got to talk with michelle while I was doing anatomy homework and quizzes-histology is so hard!! I feel flustered. I miss seeing friends and family in hawaii. I feel drained with the same routine here in california, I miss traveling.

Monday, September 14th, 2020

-I didn’t feel as down in the dumps today as I did the previous night. I had the go with the flow attitude, and it’s probably the caffeine from the cup of coffee I made this morning, but I think reminding myself that I can’t control everything helps me live in the moment, with who and what is in front of me. At work I felt very productive because I had things to get taken care of.

-I was very surprised Danny finally came in for treatment, and how nice my coworkers and boss interacted with him. I was also taken back by how cute my coworkers were with getting me a cake and a sweet card with heart felt messages. I liked how it was easy to train the successor with notes, and direct her with learning our systems. I feel super loved today.

-went to get chicken wings at wicked chicken with danny. Craving satisfied! Finished watching Zohan and knocked out.

Sunday, September 13th, 2020

-Woke up, had brunch with Danny at Bills cafe. It was nice hanging out with him before he had to go work. Sometimes I wish that he didn’t have to work the graveyard shift, but I also look at it as a good thing because space can sometimes be good. I have the rest of the night to cater the rest of my evening to my school work and try to get ahead.

-I couldn't help but have feelings of sadness and isolation. I kept getting asked what I’m going to be doing for my birthday, but I’ve grown so accustomed to living in the moment and not planning ahead. I think because of this habit, I tend to feel like I’m constantly on the go, everything is moving, sometimes faster than I’d like, and maybe these down in the dumps feelings are signs that I need to slow down(?). I kept thinking that I want to spend my birthday alone, or that it’s not significant, but I’m trying to stray away from those dark thoughts and appreciate that a lot of family members and close friends that are asking me, want to spend time with me. 

Saturday, September 12th, 2020

-Woke up at Dannys place feeling anxious about my birthday coming up, my relationship with Danny, finances, schoolwork, and the thought of serving jail time. I also feel physically drained and in dire need of a massage. Reminded myself that it’s okay with not knowing all of the answers to those things, and to focus on the NOW.

-Walked Nala for a bit once I got home. Made breakfast, and started some schoolwork.

-the thought about being unwanted in my relationship with Danny heightened the disturbed feeling of not being wanted by my Dad. I feel like I resent my dad less, and again accepting the divorce and not taking responsibility for it because I wasn’t involved. My dad’s abandonment is a reflection of his character, not mine.

-Got to spend time with danny again, kept it mellow and just stayed in because COVID. We went on a drive to woodside on the windy road, had pizza, talked about the downfall of our relationship-it is what it is. We both admitted that we were wrong, just thinking about taking it easy moving forward. I dont want to feel pressured about anything with him, I can’t even think of being in a relationship right now, I just want to chill overall with everything going.

Friday, September 11th, 2020

-Work went really good today. Knocked out 3 major medical records I needed to send out. I just didn’t do it electronically. They’ll contact me if they need it or so. Energy was really high up there today. I Talked with the patients on a deeper level, I love making connections like that, on top of my duties to serve them. It makes my work environment steady going and lively, and adds consistent meaning and purpose when I’m on the clock.

-Got home and checked on my dog. She’s doing better. I’m thankful for my sister to aid in keeping tabs on my dog. I see that Nala is slowly getting her energy back up there. She looked so exhausted when I got home. I just fed her and gave her her medication.

-Hung out with Danny and got Somalia food. It was so good! I like how he wants to try something new, and it didn’t disappoint. Sambusas were really good and the wrap was very savory. It was filled with vegetables that I wasn’t used to eating and I am so down to go back. I was telling him I was itching to go out and get into the social scene because COVID and these fires were driving me crazy. Chances of us going out were based on the NBA game where Toronto lost to Boston so we ended up not going out, but rather watched netflix at his place. I ended up sleeping over his place-it was nice cuddling with him, and getting a break from staying home. I ended up not drinking and was okay with it.

Thursday, September 10th, 2020

-Class went really well today. I’m lucky to have an understanding boss that lets me get my schoolwork done. 

-Went into work for a few hours to get caught up with medical records, other billing issues, and organizing work space and clearing out tasks. Have to remind myself to work on my how-to duties, TIRP, ordering.

-Hung out with Danny after work. Had jalapeno tamales-they’re interesting. Ended up getting a quesadilla at the taco truck down the street from his house- which was good! He came over for a bit, too, and I feel weird not being able to relax in my home when my company is there. Again, I don’t feel like it’s my home. Nala missed him, I ended up not sleeping over his house but coming back home because I felt like Nala’s surgery was still getting to her. I’m uncomfortable when my dog’s uncomfortable and I’m away from her.

-Practiced the thought process when having the urge to smoke cigarettes. I have 5 days until my birthday and I need to make a better effort of minimizing intake versus going cold turkey. I saw that practicing the thought process when that urge comes up helped on the ride home today.

Wednesday September 9th, 2020

-I feel worrisome for my dog. Luckily my sister is checking in on her while I’m at work. I don’t like seeing my dog in pain-or anyone for that matter.

-Work went really well, I’m noticing I’m keeping the ball rolling with my energy being up there, as well as productivity with notes, avoiding clashes with other staff members, separating my personal life, but glad everyone finally knows I’m doing therapy. Caught up with Blanca seeing if she’s able to cover for me on Thursday mornings, but she accepted another job elsewhere. I’m happy for her that she keeps pushing through. I’m glad her house is still standing with the whole fires happening. I’m glad her family is safe and healthy. Her Son, Valen, is growing up too quickly and he’s so handsome! I do have baby fever, but I have other things I want to do.

-I feel like I’m finally getting the grasp of my classes and managing all tools to complete assignments on different platforms. I feel focused and in control.

-It’s discouraging having a drive with my education and career goals with the court stuff simmering on a back burner.

-Chatted with Meilani for a bit and my mom chimes in about my dog bite. I’ve grown to realize that my mom is the kind of person who talks to put her 2 cents in, but doesn’t grasp what other people are saying. Like she’s not an active listener with communication, and I think that’s where it gets to me. I have to practice taking my time with how I respond because I ended up lashing out on her that I am getting things done and taken care of. She frustrates me sometimes, and I hate having to hold in my tongue.

Tuesday, September 8th, 2020

-Today is the big day getting my dog spayed. I cried a bit after dropping her off to the clinic. I just want her to be comfortable, but she looked so scared and sad when I had to walk away.

-I went to my ortho appointment afterwards and was just thinking about this court thing and how it’s going to play out. I finally wrote down questions to ask my attorney when I talk to him next week. 

**SHARED THIS IN THERAPY TODAY**

Dear Dad,

Hope you are well.

I’m pissed with how you treat my mom. Bully her with the divorce, claiming half of her belongings. She earned her wealth herself over the years and you’ve really shown how greedy of a person you are. You cheated on her when she was on her worst when grandpa passed away, and its rumored that you have another child with your old high school sweetheart. I’m set to believe that you failed at being a husband and wedded partner.

I’m upset that despite whatever happened with you and mom, you placed us in a hidden category where you just cut us off when your kids had nothing to do with your marriage’s downfall and the divorce. Both of my sisters disclaim you based on the issue with Mom, but I didn’t because that wasn’t your role to me. You’re supposed to be a father. It takes more to become a father, and providing sperm doesn’t automatically grant you the respect that a father role comes with. You were doing so good until 2014, and that’s when everything started to spiral down.

I feel like you use people to your advantage, at times when it’s only beneficial to you. That’s not right. It wasn’t until when your dad passed away, where you felt the same remorse of losing a father just like mom did with hers in 2012. I think you started to lose it then, didn’t communicate with us or attempted to in any means, and excluded yourself from the family in general. This is where you’d be physically present at outings, but mentally elsewhere. I also think this is where your selfishness grew. I remember you started to drink every night, have something to eat then sleep and repeat days after. You kept disappearing at nighttime, come and go into the house as you please, started getting comfortable talking to whatever girl it was on the phone in the house, and didn’t have courtesy towards whoever was in the same room with you.

I’m torn you didnt come to my graduation when I invited you. It hurt a lot, and I grew very enviously seeing raymond’s dad there. It was until the ride home from the graduation party where my friend asked me how I felt about it, and I broke down to fucking tears.

**********

Monday, September 7th, 2020

-Slept a lot all day due to the heat. Began getting flustered with how much noise my mom was making while I was trying to study. I gave up and knocked out for a few hours, and woke up to review homework for anatomy and psychology.

-Gave nala a bath, gave her TLC with brushing and deshedding her. Ended up walking her while carrying a bath due to being traumatized by the loose husky yesterday morning. I spoiled her today with treats after her dinner, knowing she was going to get spayed tomorrow morning.

-It felt really good to have a day off after working 3-4 weeks straight, and going at my own pace.

-Put in some work into the Dad letter. Wanted to challenge myself with a letter versus bullet points- it all has to get out at some point, right?

Sunday, September 6, 2020

-I’m super fired up this morning due to walking my dog, and having my neighbor’s dog fucking attack my dog and bite me on the wrist. Thankful my neighbor was there to get the other dog away and off of my dog, and I safely got back to my backyard. I walked over to that neighbors house to tell him what the hell is his problem. Good thing it was only me and my dog versus a kid and a smaller dog. He didn’t even apologize just stating that his dog escaped, has it’s shots- fucking rude. Hope animal control does something about it. It pisses me off how some people don’t know how to properly train or care for their dogs. I told my mom about the incident too in case someone shows up to our house after filing a report, and that ticked me off even more as she was prioritizing the safety of my car versus my dogs health and what’s right. Hold people accountable, make them take responsibility of shit. Do what’s right which in my case I feel like I did.

-Lokahi went well. Always calming and easy working there. Getting more insight of the healthcare field and getting to know the acupuncturists on a deeper level. One of them brought her son in and he’s so adorable, 7years old.

-Napped when I got home. Steph ended up coming over. Felt very productive overall.

-Told Theo I didn’t want to have meaningless sex anymore. Told Danny that putting in effort goes both ways-ie communication, wanting to hang out, etc. I just want to focus on myself and get my head right.

Saturday, September 5, 2020

-Daphne came over for a bit after I got off from working at Lokahi. She’s back with Josh after confiding in me about their relationship, but as long as she’s happy I’m all for it. I just don’t want to see my friends down and out- I want everyone to win. She was telling me how Theo was posting this and that on social media with a subliminal message thinking it was directed towards me, but I just eye-rolled at it. First he invites me to his BBQ and to bone last night, then this morning does the same thing but with 2 stripper parties to take me to afterwards. It’s whatever, it’s not my scene.

-Took a nap after working at Lokahi, woke up with very little energy and no motivation to do anything. I feel physically and emotionally drained. It’s my cousin’s birthday BBQ at his house, and I find myself moving very slow to get ready. It ended up being a fun time catching up with my sister and other friends I haven’t seen in a while. I was dreading the idea of having a drink and trying not to, but I had 2 celebratory shots in the evening and felt guilty afterwards. I think that’s a kickstart to me not wanting to drink ever. I normally don’t drink as often anymore since the night of getting arrested, I like not being impaired/ under the influence anyway.

-Felt guilty leaving my dog at home on a warm evening knowing her surgery is coming up on Tuesday. Getting that reassurance from Daphne and Josh saying how spaying Nala at 10 years old was a good idea, made me feel okay about myself doing it for her.

Friday, September 4th, 2020

-Left Danny’s house in the morning to get ready for work. Had my coffee, had a slow start to work as time felt like it was dragging. I’m awaiting Monday to come as this weekend will be the last of working straight for the past 3-4 weeks. Yay for rest, as well as playing catch up for school.

-Work went really good today, made me realize how much catching up I have to do. Threw the idea of having an old employee fill in Thursdays, surprised how my boss was open to the idea and I should reach out to her. I like it when everyone is running on good vibes- coworkers and patients. This is why I always love Fridays at work-filled with good energy for the weekend and rest, as well as finishing another great week.

-Danny texted me while in a work wrap up meeting saying his car wouldn’t start because his BAC was too high. Had mixed feelings of wanting to go there, but ended up helping with the motive to do so. As soon as I got there he tried to start his car again and it did. We’re just friends, some occasions I feel like maybe we can patch things up, I don’t know. Guard is definitely still up.

-Tempted to go to Theo’s clubhouse for a BBQ, ended up not going because my school work comes first and I felt like my social battery was running low. Theo is like temptation but I deserve the kind of love I desire and not to be anyones quick fuck. Yeah I respect him as a person because he tells it like it is, but I’m tired of putting myself through something where it’s not going to go beyond that. I feel like I’m getting back to loving myself, and okay with being single.

-I basically bombed my school work for this week. Got everything situated to add the course successfully, but realized how much homework and studying it is. I’m trying to not look at this night's homework as failure, but an opportunity to get things back on track for the remaining of the semester. Go, Education!

Thursday, September 3rd, 2020

-I woke up this morning with very little energy-unsure if it’s related to the cold weather. On the way to work my anxiety started to build up trying to plan how I’d balance out school and work for that day. It wasn’t the first good session with all of the distractions going on around me, I also found it brutal to stare at my computer screen for 2+ hours . What a time to be alive. Returning from lunch made my stomach drop, due to receiving the police report from the night or getting arrested, Attorney Ryan Mannix sent me. It sucks that I still don’t know for my damn self what the hell was going on that night, I was just scared shitless with what I thought was happening. Maybe it’s that ‘daddy issues’ thing I got going that made me think I was being in a group sex session against my will, who knows? I know for damn sure that that night was my lowest point, and not to do anything mind altering like that again. . I need to let old habits die and probably even cut ties with Theo, too, as he was like the ringleader of that night.

-I invited Danny over to my house after he got off from work, as a friendly gesture. . I told him about what was going on and caught him up to speed with the whole court thing. He advised me to write a letter to the judge. For some reason, I still look at Danny in that protector light. I ended up sleeping over at his house to calm my nerves down. He has that calming effect on me, like everything would be okay.

Wednesday, September 2nd, 2020

-I feel pumped up today. I feel motivated, I feel like I’m getting organized with my school and work duties. I feel like I am slowly gaining a sense of focus, as well as regaining my drive to fulfill my purpose in healthcare again. 

-Work went really well today. Stayed on top of office flow- glad my boss noticed at our wrap up meeting- got chart notes documented for each patient and helped a bit with the admin side of it. I felt my energy up there (thank you, coffee) so I went home and washed my car, and managed to walk my dog for a bit. I went to bed feeling relaxed. I pushed myself to be more mindful and didn’t really have a cluster of sad thoughts and negative self talk as much throughout the day. 

-By night time I was just thinking about what was going through my head in Dunsmuir. I don’t know why Theo would be the center of the illusion of me getting sexually abused in a group. I just want a clean slate from this arrest, a cleaner slate of my relationships, I’m itching to read the police report, but I have to just go with the flow and not get myself amped up for things I can’t control.

-Working on my communication skills and learning to express and say what’s on my mind. Finally built up the courage to tell my boss that I got into an anatomy course which I've been waitlisted to. I’m very eager to start, this is reassurance that I am on the right path to my educational goals and career!

Tuesday September 1st, 2020

-woke up this morning to keep reminding myself that it’s a fresh new month and to keep positive thoughts in mind as I go about. Excited that my birthday is in 2 weeks, as I'm not feeling so excited. It’s a covid celebration, but I think the most I’m going to do to treat myself is to take that day off, as well as Monday since it falls on a Tuesday- so it’ll be like a 4 day weekend to unwind, and relax.

-Danny texted me, I’m annoyed with his ass too. 

-I feel excited that I’m second on the waitlist to get into retaking an anatomy course this semester. I think the likelihood of me getting in are pretty high, so now comes the tricky part of conversing with my boss about taking 2 hours out midday on Thursdays for the semester if I get in.

-Just got home from work, cried on the way to work because I feel sad and distressed about everything. I got fired up at work due to a patient experiencing elder abuse with her auto accident case and insurance- business ethic on her auto policy- as well as how fucked up the attitude of western medicine and health insurance is. I feel anxious at the moment with what’s going on-ie. relationship status, family affairs, school, work, and the possible outcomes of this next court date. I feel like a hot mess.

-Therapy went really well today. I like getting to the root of things, but I have to remind myself to pace this process so I don’t get emotionally overwhelmed. Taking my time to write this letter/list regarding my dad, but it’s something I need to do to grow and move on.

[noirandchocolate]

Me in College: Wooooo it’s Fall Back night that means when it’s midnight the clocks go back and I get a whoooole extra hour to talk online with my friends and listen to loud music and watch torrented episodes of Invader Zim!!! Who needs bedtime I’m gonna RP forever I’ll go to bed when I die!!!!

Me Now*: Mmmnnnn extra hour in bed niiiice.

[matsmurdock]

oh my lonely heart

Hi hello welcome to my first fanfic ever posted on tumblr.

This was written very quickly, with no skills whatsoever but I felt like posting it. The song I used in the title and in the fic is She Dances, by Billie Marten.

Also, you can find my work on Ao3.

Ok I'm done plugging myself, enjoy!

Fandom: Daredevil

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Reader

Rating: General Audiences

Summary: Summer's ended and you and Matt enjoy a slow and rainy Sunday together. (~700 words)

New York was finally getting cooler, the stuffy warm air leaving and making room for the wet and gloomy weather that you had grown to love. Especially in the city, you’d always enjoyed it because it brought you comfort. Summer break being over, the city bustling again, the puddles, rain falling against your windows… all of this brought you peace of mind, especially being home. Rainy weekends felt like you finally had an excuse to be lazy, because really what else could you do? You usually went out to get coffee on saturdays and then didn’t leave your apartment until you had to go to work again on mondays. 

Matt loved them too, and the fact that he didn’t patrol as much when the weather was bad because it messed with his senses meant that you got to spend more time with him. You would usually nap in the afternoon if he wasn’t working on a big case either, then you’d have coffee together in the living room and then on sundays you’d do chores together. 

It’s exactly what you had done today, and now you both were cuddling on the couch, soft music playing on the smart speaker that you’d sneakily bought a few weeks ago even though Matt thought it was useless. His fingers were combing through your hair, and you were dozing off while reading the book you’d been struggling to finish for weeks now. Listening to Matt’s slow breathing, he probably wasn’t faring much better.

“‘at time is it?” you heard him mumble after a particularly loud growl from your stomach woke the both of you up.

You looked at the time on your phone, “it’s almost six” you replied, “do you want to have dinner early and go to bed?”

Foggy made fun of you all the time because of how much you behaved like a married couple, and you were glad he wasn’t here to witness this because you honestly could have gone to bed right there and then.

“Yeah, that’d be nice actually.”

Matt had gone to take a shower after that, since you had volunteered to prepare dinner. You were dicing tomatoes and humming to yourself along with the music that was still playing when you felt Matt hug you from behind. You laid your haid back against his shoulder, trying to sneakily smell him without making a fool of yourself.

“I heard that” he snickered. Damn it.

“You know how much I love this new shampoo, I’ll have to thank Karen one more time” you joked. 

“Is that why it’s considerably gone down?” he asked, you could hear and feel the smile in his voice as he pecked the side of your head.

“I plead the fifth actually.” 

“Oh is that right?” he said, his hold around your stomach tightening.

“Yep, my lips are sealed” you giggled, before turning your head up so you could leave a kiss on his jaw.

The song on the speaker changed and turned the volume up. “That’s the sond I was telling you about the other day!” you exclaimed, putting the knife down to turn around in his arms. “‘Makes me want to dance with you when I hear it.” 

Matt hummed, listened closely to the song and said “that can be arranged, sweetheart”, before taking your hand and leading you away from the counter. His hands went on your hips as he brought you closer to his body. You laid your head on his chest, listening to his heart beating softly in his chest. You sighed, feeling so happy and in love that you tought your heart could burst. 

The two of you danced for the rest of the song, and when it ended you went on your tiptoes to plant a gentle kiss on his lips.

“God I love you so much Matt”, you whispered against his mouth. His hands tightened around your body and he reciprocated the kiss. 

“I love you too, sweet girl”, he said so quietly it was a miracly you heard him. 

Inside, you wished everyday could be like this, and that it would rain every single day for the rest of your life if it meant you got to spend the rest of your days dancing in the kitchen with Matt.

[rebeccccccaaa]

ʟᴏᴠᴇ ᴍᴇ ʀɪɢʜᴛ _____________________

ʙʀᴏᴛʜᴇʀ’s!ʙᴇsᴛ!ғʀɪᴇɴᴅ!ʙᴜᴄᴋʏ ʙᴀʀɴᴇs ᴀᴜ

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ: You and Buck have always been close growing up but you two soon learn that the line that separates friendly and flirting is a lot thinner than you think.

ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: fluff, slight angst bc u got a shit bf, big bro vibes from bucky, smut duh [18+ minors dni (slight praise but also slight degradation, marking, belly bulge, squirting, fem!rec oral, unprotected sex, plz be safe irl, slight choking, pet names: darling&princess, i think that’s it lmk plz)]

ᴀᴜᴛʜᴏʀ’s ɴᴏᴛᴇs: hey assholes i'm back for the time being lol. I have a few ideas and fics I'm currently writing right now so do not fret.

______________________________________

You knew this was a horrible idea. 

It’s Saturday night and you and your boyfriend were back in another night club after being kicked out from one just hours before. Daniel had gotten too drunk, as he always does, causing you to kindly ask the bartender to cut him off. Daniel didn’t take that too lightly resulting in a gnarly swing at the poor guy just doing his job. 

Security threw you out and Daniel called an Uber to go where you thought was going to be your apartment but twenty minutes later you pulled up to another club practically on the other side of town. You yelled at Daniel but he pushed aside stumbling inside for yet even more drinks and mistakes waiting for him inside. 

You sat at the bar simply drinking some water and snacking on some peanuts keeping your eye on your garbage boyfriend. You're constantly checking the time on your phone, annoyed with every passing minute. It was 2 am and you just wanted to go home and sleep. You were even debating texting your brother Steve hoping you could just crash at his place not too far from where you were but it would be incredibly irresponsible to just leave Daniel in the state he’s in. 

So you waited and waited and waited. Your eyelids felt heavy and your energy was just completely drained. You were basically a zombie. It wasn’t until a guy approached your half asleep body that you felt a sense of alert. Daniel was shit-faced so you were practically defenseless. 

“Hey,” the guy shouted over the music.

“Sorry, I’m not interested. My boyfriend’s-” you quickly said, only to be cut off.

“Don’t worry. I’m not gonna hit on you. I’ve got a boyfriend of my own,” he chuckled, making you breathe out in relief. 

“Sorry,” you cringed at yourself. 

“It’s alright; but uh, I hate to be the one to tell you this. You might want to check with your boyfriend,” he said sympathetically. 

You pushed your way through the crowd scanning every face in search of Daniel. What did he do? Is he hurt? Did he get in trouble again? Is he getting arrested? Where is he-

“Daniel?” you said eyes tearing up a bit. 

His arms were wrapped around another girl’s waist as he kissed her the way he kissed you. She practically moaned as their tongues slobbered disgustingly with each other. Their hips grinding against each other proactively as if you weren’t even there. Sadness turned to anger, and anger turned to rage, gripping Daniel’s short hairs and pulling his head away from whoever this girl was. 

“What the fuck?” the girl complained, her eyes completely bloodshot. 

“Did he tell you that he was here with his girlfriend tonight?” you're sad with gritted teeth. Daniel stumbled around still unable to register what the hell was happening. 

“Oh my god, you forreal?” she said.

“Who fucking cares? She’s a prude anyway. I got more action with you than I did her in the past, what, six months?” Daniel slurred. 

“You know what, you’re a fucking prick, dude. She deserves so much better than you; I bet your dick is small anyway,” the girl said.

“Fuck you too bitch,” Daniel spit. 

“I can’t believe you,” you said. 

“Oh, whoop-dee-doo, big fucking surprise. Babe, you’re a prude. Can’t you see it? I don’t know why I’m wasting my time with you anymore,” he practically puked out the words without any second thought. 

“Fine, then I hope you enjoy the rest of your night, you fucking asshole,” you stormed away holding in the tears; he wasn’t worth it. 

Almost three am and you just dumped your cheating lowlife boyfriend on the other side of town. Steve wasn’t answering his phone and you even wanna be near the club anymore. Walking speedily staring at your screen desperate to call an Uber home, you bumped harshly into a hard chest falling to the ground on your bum. 

“Fucking hell, I’m so sorry, darling,” the man said helping you up by your elbows.

“It’s ok. I wasn’t looking- Bucky?” 

“Oh, hey kid. What are you doing? It’s like three in the morning and you don’t live anywhere near here,” Bucky said, crossing his arms. 

“Daniel got himself kicked from the one by our apartment and Ubered here instead.”

“So where’s Daniel?” Bucky scowled; he’s always hated that guy, so did Steve.

“Probably fucking some other chick in the bathroom,” your voice cracked. 

“What?”

“It’s nothing; I just want to go home,” you cried.

“Hey, it’s ok; it’s ok. Do you wanna crash at me and Steve’s? He’s gone for the weekend with Peggy; you can stay in his room at least for the night,” Bucky offered; so that’s why Steve’s not answering his phone. 

“I don’t wanna intrude on your night. I can just call an Uber, it’s fine.”

“No, it’s not. Steve’ll kill me if he found out I left his baby sis alone in the streets of New York at three in the morning. It’s not a problem, we were just bar hopping and I stopped drinking ages ago.”

“Are you sure, Buck?”

“Of course,” he smiled warmly at you. 

“Hey, Nat!”

“What’s up?” a beautiful redhead approached you both.

“Gonna head home ; don’t do anything stupid,” he chuckled. 

“You too,” she wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, “Catch you Monday?” 

“You’re stupid. I’ll see ya,” Bucky laughed before grabbing your hand and headed towards his apartment. 

“Thanks again, Buck. For letting me stay here tonight,” you said once you entered his apartment. 

It had been a while since you hung out at your brother’s apartment but nothing’s changed. Typical men and their inability to change even a throw pillow. You set your small bag on the couch before Bucky led you to Steve’s room. There were pictures of you and him posing at Steve’s graduation; and later your own. Pictures of Steve and Bucky at a theme park, during a bar-be-que for Steve’s birthday. So many memories that Steve held onto in his room. 

“Time really flies doesn’t it?” Bucky said, slightly startling you.

“Sorry,” he chuckled.

“No, you’re fine. But you’re right. Feels all these pictures were taken yesterday,” you reminisced. 

“I got you some clothes if you need to change; I’ll give you privacy,” Bucky said, slipping from the room briskly. 

You sat on the bed frustrated with everything. Your body was so drained from being up so early in the night, to the fight with Daniel. The past couple months with him were so awful. He was just so mean to you all the time and you didn’t know what you did wrong. Where did it go wrong? When did things shift?

"Is everything ok, darling?" Bucky asked quietly, knocking on the door when you hadn't come out after a while.

"What did I do wrong? I thought he loved me," you choked out. 

Bucky sighed as he walked over to the bed sitting beside you before engulfing you in a warm hug. You cried into his shoulder and Bucky couldn't help the anger that bubbled inside him for your excuse of a boyfriend Daniel. He never got along with the guy and now he finally has a reason to knock his teeth in.

"You didn't do anything, I know it. That prick wouldn't know love if it hit him in the face. It's his loss. You deserve so much better than that asshole. Look at me, you're so beautiful and funny and fucking adorable; any guy who can't see how perfect you are, is a dense piece of shit." 

"James," you whispered. 

His words made your heart skip and your stomach flutter. But Bucky’s always had that effect on you. Even growing up. You weren’t going to sit there and pretend that hearing his words hadn't had a deeper effect than they would’ve coming from Daniel. Sometimes you wondered what being with Bucky would be like. You’re not the first to admit how handsome Bucky was and growing up you did have quite the crush on your brother’s best friend.  

You don't know what it was, whether it was the alcohol still swimming through your veins, or just feeling so vulnerable being in Bucky's arms but you wanted him badly. You needed him, needed to feel something again. And you knew he could give it to you. You pressed your lips to his and in an instant his hands dropped to your hips pulling you impossibly close against his body. Your hands went to the back of his head as you kissed him messily. Your noses bumped and teeth clashed but it was the best kiss you’ve ever had. 

“Fuck, your brother’s gonna kill me,” Bucky mumbled, almost to himself, as he slowly laid you down on your back.

Bucky’s hands trailed up your thighs, squeezing the soft flesh every now and then as he continued kissing you passionately. Your own hands couldn’t help but tug at his shirt desperately. When he did so, your breath was completely taken away. It had been years since you’d seen Bucky without a shirt. 

Not only had he been quite skinny just like your brother back then, but not long after leaving for college with Steve he was in a bike accident that left him with ghastly scars and burns along his left arm and shoulder. Since then, it’s fair to say Bucky never really ever took his shirt off. It had taken years just for him to remove the glove he’d always wear to cover the scars on his hand.

“You’ve gotten so strong, James,” you grinned, reaching out to brush the flexed muscles running down his front. 

He simply stared at you with an anticipating and anxious expression on his face, waiting for you to state the obvious. When you didn’t, when you pulled his head down to kiss him once again, he almost cried. Bucky hadn’t been with a woman in so long, afraid of this very moment. He knew at that moment, there was no one quite like you. 

Bucky fell in love. 

“Let me take care of you, darling. You’ve been so good to me,” Bucky whispered huskily in your ear as he trailed his hand under your own shirt brushing his fingertips along the underside of your breast.

His lips pressed softly against your hot skin along your neck before standing up between your legs at the end of the bed. He pulled your shirt off then played cheekily with the straps of your bra that you still had on. You smiled back at him with the same playful stare, reaching behind you to unclasp the material. 

You could see the way Bucky’s eyes darken and his pupils widened as he stared in awe at your naked chest. Your skin bursted into chills under his hungry gaze even though you felt like you were burning up. Bucky leaned forward kissing down the valley of your breasts, nipping once in a while playfully before laying you back down. He shimmied you out of your bottoms easily, kneeling on the ground leaving you completely bare before him. 

“You are absolutely stunning, princess,” Bucky whispered, running his hands up your thighs slowly. 

“Bucky, please. I need you,” you whimpered. 

“Don’t worry, darling. I promise I’m gonna take good care of you,” he smirked devilishly. 

He pushed your knees open, eyeing the arousal that glistened between your thighs. He brought his fingers up to you slowly rubbing your slick around before finally pushing a thick and long finger past your folds. Your body shuddered solely at the foreign but pleasurable feeling, already moaning softly. 

Bucky’s cock strained through pants upon hearing your beautiful moans; they were like music to his ears. He couldn’t help the way his hips would buck into the mattress in a desperate attempt to relieve some pain from his erection. Soon after he pulled his fingers from you slowly only to thrust them further in you, curling his fingers just right. 

He brought his mouth down to you, wrapping his lips around your clit sucking harshly. You gasped and your back arched, overwhelmed with pleasure Bucky was giving you with just his mouth and fingers. All the times that you’d given yourself to your ex, he had never made you feel this good before, feel this full; let alone with his fingers. Bucky was taking his time with you solely for your own pleasure and it made your heart swoon. 

Your legs trapped Bucky’s head between your thighs, squeezing as he continued to eat you out like a starved man. Your hands went to his hair pulling on his dark locks causing Bucky to moan deeply against you. You were so close to a release; your legs shaking violently and your stomach tightening. 

“Come on, princess. Want you to come all over my face. Can you do that for me, darling?”

“Fuck!”

“Be a good girl and make a mess,” Bucky teased.

His fingers moved faster as he swirled his tongue around and over your clit just as quickly. You were becoming overwhelmed and that coil bursted in the pit of your stomach. You pushed Bucky’s face from you, shrieking with pure pleasure; Bucky’s kept the rapid pace with fingers as you fell over the edge.

“Fucking hell, that was so hot, princess,” Bucky said standing up; his fingers, arm, his chest was covered in your arousal. 

“Did I do that?” your voice trembled. 

“Because of me,” Bucky winked playfully.

“I didn’t know I could do that,” you let your head fall back on the bed as you briefly caught your breath.

Bucky grabbed his shirt that he discarded not long ago and quickly wiped his chest and arm before discarding his pants and boxers. He nearly moaned at the feeling when he finally freed his dick from the restraining garments. His hand instantly wrapped around the base before pumping himself a few times. 

You brought yourself onto your elbows momentarily ogling at the sight of Bucky completely bare before you. Your mouth practically watered at the sight. Bucky crawled over you kissing you deeply and messily; but perfectly. He pulled away and you both had goofy smiles on your faces before bursting into a fit of giggles, Bucky’s head burying into the crook of your neck.

“You’re so goddamn adorable, princess,” Bucky’s voice was muffled. 

“Bucky,” you whined. 

You couldn’t resist squirming underneath the burly man. Although, you’ve just had what was probably the best orgasm you’ve ever had, you wanted more. You needed more; you needed Bucky. 

“I got you, darling. I got you.” 

Bucky wanted to tease you more, make you beg, but he was just as desperate to feel you as you were. He propped himself up on his elbows kissing you one last time before reaching between your bodies and lining his dick with your entrance. Both you and Bucky moaned simultaneously as he stretched you out; curses spilling from his lips as incoherent moans fell from yours. 

“So fucking tight, princess. Squeezing my cock just right, aren’t ya?” he whispered.

“Fuck, I feel so full,” you whimpered.

Bucky began to slowly move his hips in and out of you deliciously. He quickly picked up the pace, jetting his hips rapidly making your moans louder. Bucky sat up on his knees and gripped your waist surely to leave bruises in your wake. This new angle surprised you and you couldn’t help the squeals and moans that left your mouth. You chanted Bucky's name like a prayer; as if it was the only word you knew. 

Bucky watched you carefully, your face contorting with pure euphoric pleasure. He couldn’t help notice the small bump in your lower belly and without a second thought, he grabbed your hands pressing them firmly over your tummy. 

“You feel how deep I am, darling? Fucking poking through,” Bucky grunted. 

“Shit! Oh, it feels so good,” you moaned. 

“That’s right, no one’s ever gonna fuck you this good again. This pussy’s mine now,” Bucky growled. 

He took one of his hands and wrapped it around your throat squeezing the sides gently but firm at the same time. Your eyes rolled back and you moaned even louder, confident that the neighbors were sure to complain in the morning. Feeling Bucky’s hand around your neck was so exhilarating; you and Daniel had never ever experimented with anything beyond a pair of handcuffs, and that particular night went horribly. 

You like being choked by Bucky. 

“Fucking slut; you like this, don’t ya?” he came down to whisper huskily against your lips. 

“Mh-hm,” you moaned with a devilish grin, your bottom lip resting between your teeth before your eyes rolled back again. 

“Such a fucking beauty you are.”

Bucky hips snapped in and out and he knew it wouldn’t be long until he needed to release.

“God, I’m close, princess,” he growled. 

His hand moved to rest on the back of your neck to pull you up so you straddled his thighs and your chest was flushed against his. Your sensitive and hardened nipples brushed against his slightly sweaty skin causing you to shudder in pleasure. Bucky’s lips attached themselves to your skin along your collar bones sucking harshly leaving purple marks all along.

Your legs shook once again as they did before and soon enough with an arched back and shout of Bucky’s name you came all over his cock. Overwhelmed with your sex, Bucky bit harshly on your shoulder in a poor attempt to muffled the loud groans and moans he elicited. Feeling your velvety walls squeeze tightly around him pushed him over the edge, coating your walls with hot ribbons on cum. 

He fell forward almost crushing you but you were too tired to complain. Bucky continued to pepper soft kisses all over your skin whispering how good you were to him, how beautiful you looked. Just absolutely showering with compliments. You felt him slowly getting off you, probably afraid he was crushing you, but you didn’t want him to leave just yet. 

“Don’t,” you whispered, wrapping your arms tightly around his body. 

“I don’t want to crush you, darling.”

“You’re not.”

Bucky chuckled before settling completely above you, careful not to make you uncomfortable. Hardly any time went by when he felt the even and soft puffs of air hitting his skin, sure that you had fallen asleep. He picked himself up and with major guilt for his best friend, picked you up from the bed and walked you to his own room. 

After he was sure you stayed sound asleep, Bucky grabbed a clean pair of boxers and hurried himself to Steve’s room again. He collected all the discarded clothes and the dirty sheets and tossed them in the washing machine to clean right away. 

He hadn’t meant to fuck his best friend’s little sister, let alone in his own room, on his own bed, but it all happened so fast. 

He went back to his room letting the clothes do it’s thing, and quickly grabbed his phone. He messaged Steve, telling him that when he got back for his weekend with Peggy, he really needed to talk to him. 

Tonight made Bucky realize how much he loved you. Growing up, you two had always been close. But he doesn’t know when he stopped being friendly and instead began flirting. Bucky wanted to be with you; he knew it now more than ever. 

Bucky watched your gorgeous sleeping form on his bed. He smiled to himself before opening the window; the sun already rising and those beautiful golden rays seeped through the glass window, making you look angelic. He crawled into bed cuddling flushed against your naked body. He chuckled softly when you realized he’d returned, wiggling even further into his arms. 

“I love you, Bucky,” you mumbled. 

“I love you, too, darling.”

And he really, and truly did love you. As did you love him. 

=======================

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Bucky Barnes Taglist:

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[ofstarsandvibranium]

Rectify: Part 1

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x F!Reader

As requested by anonymous: It would be awesome if you could make a tfatws Bucky fic or series where the reader is on the list for his making amends because the winter soldier did something to her or someone she loves, and once he gets close to her in some way he ends up falling for her and it’s really angsty but a happy ending !!

A/N: FALCON AND THE WINTER SOLDIER SPOILERS AHEAD!!! also, this will be a mini series that I will HOPEFULLY be able to finish.

The list. Bucky's therapist made him make a list of amends to help him cope and process the horrors of his past. He was slowly making his way through the list.

With the case of Yori, Bucky has been a coward. He's been working his way to befriending the old man, trying to form some sort of relationship with him to eventually break the news that he's the reason why Yori no longer has a son. But he just can't seem to do it. So Yori's name remains uncrossed and he continues on with his list. The person under Yori is you: Y/N L/N.

You were ten years old when you were coming back from a sleepover to find your parents dead in your home. The police told you that you it was a robbery gone wrong and you were lucky you weren't home. But still, that left you without any parents, instead growing up with your aunt and uncle. You always felt like something was wrong pertaining to your parents' death, but you didn't know what. So you went through life just feeling without closure.

You visited your parents as much as you could. Your career in child counseling provided that you were very busy. However, the weekends were the time of seeing them and reminiscing.

That's how Bucky found you.

Around 3pm every Saturday and 12pm Sunday, you would visit your parents' graves. The time you spent there varied, but, on average, you'd stay for about an hour and a half. This was just from what Bucky gathered from watching you for a month.

It was how he found the courage to come up to you and speak with you.

He slowly approaches you, hears your music playing softly from your phone grow louder as he draws near.

Hearing the crunching of the grass, you look up to see him staring down at you, "Um...hi?"

"I'm sorry for your loss," he gestures to your parents' graves.

You give him a polite smile, "Thanks. It's been years since I lost them."

"Doesn't mean their absence still doesn't hurt," he interjects.

You nod in understanding and ask, "Did you lose someone?"

"My parents as well." he stands there for a few seconds in silence then speaks up again, "I'm James," he holds out a gloved hand and you shake it, "Y/N."

After pulling his hand back and shoving it into his pocket, an awkward silence washes over the two of you, to which to break, "So...James, do you...come here often?" then you burst into a chuckle, "I'm sorry. That sounds like a wildly inappropriate pick up line."

Bucky smiles and shakes his head, "No, no. It's fine. But to answer your question, I've, uh, recently started coming here."

"Are you parents buried here?"

"No, no. Um, I....I like to take walks in cemeteries." What the fuck, Bucky??? "I mean, 'cause, you know, it's quiet and peaceful. Barely any people here to really bother you. Just...I can clear my head." Yeah. That works. That should make sense, right?

"Oh. I suppose that's a good point. I come here pretty much every weekend just to visit my parents and I rarely see anyone. So I suppose this is a good place for you to clear your mind and enjoy the silence without the hustle and bustle."

"Yeah. Yeah, exactly. So, what do you do when you come here? Just sit in silence?"

You shrug, "Depends how I'm feeling. I'll tell them about my week, anything interesting that's going on. Sometimes I'll have a little picnic, read, journal, listen to some music."

"That sounds....really nice."

You softly smile up at him, "It is. You should try it some time."

Suddenly, your alarm started going off on your phone. You quickly picked up your device, swiping off the alarm and looked back up to Bucky, "Sorry. I have to go." you stood up, collecting your things, "It was nice to meet you, James. I'll see you around!"

You shake his hand again and head to your car. Bucky watches as you drive away and he sighs. He turns to your parents' grave and whispers, "I'm sorry."

____________

The next week, Bucky sat under a tree close to your parent's grave plot so that he could see you clearly and you him.

Right on time, you drove up, hopping out of your car with a picnic basket in hand and some other items.

Bucky sat looking down at the book in his lap, but glancing your way every so often, waiting until-

"Hey," you give a light kick to his boot and he looks up, shooting you a small grin, "Oh hi. Nice to see you again."

"Do you wanna join me?"

Bucky shakes his head, "No, it's fine. I don't want to interrupt your time-"

"It's okay, James. I don't mind. It'd be nice to have some living company for a change," you give a little giggle and he sighs.

"Well if you insist," he snaps his book shut and gets to his feet, following you to your parents' plot. You already have the picnic set up and you sit down, a look of hesitation on your face.

"Um, I kinda packed some extra food, just in case I ran into you today."

Bucky's brows shoot up in surprise, "Wow. Um, thank you. That's-That's really nice."

You hold out a tupperware of pasta salad and hand him a bottle of water. You play music on your phone while you two eat and make idle chatter.

You tell Bucky of your childhood, how your parents were abruptly taken from you, and how you grew up with your aunt and uncle. It provided some relief to him that your growing up parentless wasn't completely bad, that your aunt and uncle provided a sufficient amount of love and care to you on top of their own children.

Bucky was amazed that despite being orphaned at a young age, you were still filled with so much love, heart, and light, and that you wanted to provide as much care and compassion to troubled children. It was admirable.

A few hours past and both you and Bucky didn't realize how much the day has gone.

"Wow, I don't think I've spent this much time here in a day."

"Sorry," Bucky murmurs with a wince as he helps you to your feet.

You shook your head, "Don't be. Today was fun, James."

"Bucky."

"Hm?"

"Call me Bucky. It's a nickname."

"Bucky," you tested the name on your tongue, "It's cute."

For some reason, Bucky felt himself blushing at the compliment. So he looks down, afraid you might see his blushing cheeks and replies, "Thanks."

"Do you wanna have lunch sometime, Bucky?"

His head shoots back up and you look at him surprised, "Huh?"

You shrug, "I don't know. There's just something about you. I want to get to know you more. If that's okay."

"Um," he nervously runs his gloved hands down the side of his jeans, "Yeah. Sure."

"Great!" you take out your phone and hand it to him, "Put your number in." After he does so, you take back your phone, "So I'll call you and we can hash out the details?"

"I'll be waiting," he responds with a chuckle and a smile. He escorts you back to your car and waves as you drive away. Once you're gone, his smile drops and he murmurs, "Shit. I think I like her."

[mercy-burning]

Laundry Day

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: Reader and Spencer meet again in the laundry room and decide to have some fun. PART 1 / PART 2 / PART 3 / PART 4 / EPILOGUE Category: Smut 18+ (oral sex- male and female receiving, unprotected penetrative sex, slight exhibitionism?/potential of getting caught, slight degradation) Warnings: sex, language. (As always, if there’s anything I missed, let me know what I should include in warnings. I want to be as mindful as I can about what I post. Thank you!) Word Count: 3k

Note: Surprise!! I was going to wait to post this on Saturday but Taylor Swift had me feeling like dropping a surprise, what can I say? 😂 Anyway, I wasn’t going to make another part to Pretty Please, but for one thing, it did way better than I was expecting, so thank you all for your kind comments and tags! And also, @rainsong01 mentioned something that gave me an idea for a laundry room scenario, so you can thank them for this one! I had so much fun writing this and I hope you like it! Thanks for all the love! 🥰

***

Y/N hated laundry day.

There was nothing more boring to her than loading clothes into the washer, waiting, then loading them into the dryer, waiting, and then folding them and putting them away, not to mention the laundry room was kind of dingy and felt like being in a gross, scary basement.

Thankfully though, years of living in the same building had given Y/N a pretty decent schedule of when the laundry room was empty. It wasn't like she disliked talking to people, but laundry made her cranky enough, and the last thing she wanted was human interaction, making small talk with building residents that acted like they cared to know about everyone else's business.

So it was Friday night, 7 pm, which meant that depending on if she had to work, the only other person in the laundry room would be Olivia from down the hall, someone Y/N had only had a few conversations with, either in the laundry room or on the way out the door.

She walked in, silently thanking the laundry gods after hearing complete and utter silence as she made her way to the washer and dryer to the far left of the room. Then she reached into her pocket and realized she forgot her phone. Cursing, she settled on basking in the silence as she loaded her clothes in the washer one by one, at least grateful that no one would be bothering her with pointless small talk.

Until she heard the door open, as if the laundry gods decided they were angry at her. She tried not to outwardly groan, hoping that whoever it was would just say, "Hello," and leave it at that. Or better yet, not say anything at all and let her do her own thing. So she closed the washer and entered the quarters, knowing that it would be a long ten minutes. She could have went back upstairs to her apartment and waited there if she really wanted to, or grabbed her phone at least, but it felt like it would have been pointless, and so she just hoped it wouldn't be awkward.

Maybe I'll just go walk around the building aimlessly for 10 minutes.

But the laundry gods had other plans, apparently.

"Y/N?"

She turned around and saw none other than Spencer Reid, clutching a large cloth bag, presumably filled with laundry.

"Spencer? Hi," Y/N greeted, a small blush forming on her cheeks. The two of them hadn't really talked since their... escapade about a month ago. Most of the time Spencer was at work, but whenever he was home there hadn't been anymore thin wall scenarios or overhearing something she shouldn't. They'd seen each other in the hallway a few times, winking as they passed, but that was it. Y/N had to wonder if maybe it was just a once-in-a-lifetime thing, being absolutely fucked into oblivion by your neighbor so good that you couldn't walk for two days.

Thinking about it made her cheeks burn hotter, so she cleared her throat and only slightly avoided eye contact. "I thought you did your laundry on Sundays?"

Spencer shrugged, walking over to the machine set next to hers. "Normally I would, but I just got back from work and I needed clean clothes. It's... pretty empty in here right now."

"Oh. Yeah, that's why I do my laundry on Friday nights whenever I can. Everyone's either out or staying in relaxing. Laundry's already boring enough, right, who needs annoying small talk?"

He laughed, opening the washer and putting in some of his clothes. "Touché."

Y/N wasn't really sure what to say after that, so she sat on top of the washer and crossed her legs, swinging them a little as she waited.

"Look, I know you've already given your stance on annoying small talk, but... What are your plans for the weekend?" Spencer asked, and she turned her head to meet his gaze, immediately feeling butterflies in her stomach.

"Um... Not a lot, really. Other than some grocery shopping and a few other small errands, I was going to have dinner with my mom on Sunday for her birthday. We might have to cancel though because she might have to go into work, but we'll see... What about you?"

He shook his head. "I don't have anything planned unless I get called into work either."

"Oh... Well, if you ever feel like having some company, you know where I live," she joked.

Spencer laughed. "I might just have to take you up on that. Things at work have been kind of... stressful."

Despite her better judgement, she smirked. "I seem to recall a similar conversation between the two of us not that long ago, Bud. You're not trying to fuck me again, are you?"

She just couldn't help herself. Admittedly she was a little worried she was too forward, but in the end it paid off, because he turned to look at her, shutting the washer and grabbing quarters from his pocket. "Would it be so wrong of me if I wanted to?"

The low tone of his voice made Y/N clench her legs tighter together, her mind racing with all the things that could happen in the next few days, the next few minutes even... She thought back to the last time he'd fucked her, seeing his face between her legs as he completely unraveled her. She felt herself growing wet at the thought.

"Absolutely not," she finally managed to respond. She hoped he would come over to her in a few long strides, pulling her in and kissing her right there, but instead he simply said, "Hmm," and turned back to his machine, putting in quarters.

He could have been playing games with her again, but she didn't want to take the chance. So she grew bolder and leaned back on her hands, puffing out her chest to the air and tilting her head to the side, letting her hair fall and exposing her neck to him. "Well, we have some time to spare, babe. What do you say we make the most of it?"

She was genuinely surprised to see him blush and freeze in his tracks, fumbling with the last few quarters as he inserted them into the machine and started the timer. "R-right now?"

"Duh," she replied, giggling.

"Somebody could come in... O-or hear us." A twinge of worry dripped from every syllable as he spoke, and though Y/N's first instinct was to apologize for suggesting it and letting it go, she thought better of it after remembering what got them into this situation in the first place.

So she scoffed. "Oh, please. You weren't the least bit worried about someone hearing us before. Y'know... When you promised to fuck me so hard I would scream your name and everyone could hear, and then I did? And besides, even if someone walked in right now, they'd probably just leave and come back later. People probably have sex with each other in here all the time."

"I doubt that, this place is filthy. Hardly the right setting for something so... intimate," he replied more clearly, obviously trying to win this argument. Though, something told Y/N he really was a little bothered about how dirty the laundry room was.

She shook her head. "You and I both know that what we did wasn't intimate. It was downright filthy, so if anything it works perfectly for where we are."

"Y/N, I don't know..." He chewed on his bottom lip and shuffled on his feet, refusing to look at her.

"Well, I'm not gonna force you to do anything you don't want to do, obviously, but... You can trust me. I've been doing my laundry here basically every Friday night since I moved here, and since Olivia is working tonight, she won't be here, and neither will anyone else."

"Well, I showed up, didn't I? Anything could happen."

She sighed, a little tired of arguing but still wanting to win. Her body tingled and practically ached at the sight of him, needing to feel his touch yet again. Maybe it was slightly pathetic, but if there was just the slightest chance that he would fuck her like that again, she had to try her damnedest.

So she had another trick up her sleeve, silently praying to the laundry gods that they would take pity on her and grant her this one thing. "You're right, but don't you think that you coming down here just moments after me was bound to happen? Like after everything we've experienced, we were always meant to have a quickie in the laundry room of our apartment building?"

He genuinely seemed to think about it for a moment before shrugging his shoulders. "Truthfully I think it's more of a coincidence than anything that we showed up here at the same time."

There's your chance, Y/N, don't fuck it up, she thought to herself, hoping that with the seductive tone in her voice and the puppy dog look in her eye, it would be enough to get her what she wanted. "I was joking. Of course it's a coincidence, I just want you to fuck me."

He only stayed silent, fiddling with his hands and his eyes flicking between her and the floor before he caught her eye. In another attempt to entice him, Y/N batted her eyes and slowly spread her legs wide, scooting back a little so she could rest her heels on the top of the washer. "Don't you want to fuck me into the washing machine, baby?"

That was the last straw, the thing that pushed Spencer over the edge. He whispered, "Fuck it," to himself before striding over to her and cradling her face in his hands, bringing her to him and kissing her hard. She initially yelped at how harsh he was, but after a second she melted into him, leaning forward and bringing him closer.

She tried to wrap her legs around his torso, but he grabbed them by the ankles and kept them spread open, pulling away to look into her eyes. "Keep 'em open, pretty girl." The old nickname made her whimper, just like he knew it would, and his gaze burned into hers hotly for a few seconds before he bent down, kissing her inner thigh just below the hem of her shorts. She sighed as he trailed his lips and tongue along every inch of skin, switching to the other leg and giving it the same attention until he was ready for more.

Rather than pulling off her shorts and underwear, Spencer simply pushed the fabrics aside and immediately licked a long, flat strip up her pussy, to which Y/N sharply inhaled and reached out, grabbing his hair. He explored her just as thoroughly as he had the last time, his fervor unmatched and absolutely intoxicating as he pushed himself closer and closer, practically living between her legs. Due to the short time constraint and fear of getting caught, he didn't waste time teasing her, and he seemed determined to finish before the buzzing of the washer signaled clean clothes.

Naturally though, he couldn't not tease her, so just as she was about to finish with his lips wrapped around her clit, he pulled away and left her breathless and frustrated.

"Really? We're doing this again?" she huffed, pouting.

Spencer unbuckled his belt and raised his eyebrow. "All in due time, sweetheart. Come here."

Unsurprisingly, she did what she was told, jumping off the washer and waiting further instructions. It didn't take long for Spencer to move, only a few seconds passing by before he turned her around and pushed her against the washer, to which she instinctively bent her torso over it. She gripped the sides of it tightly as he ran his hands up her shirt and caressed her back, eventually using one hand to grip her waist and the other to lift her leg up, setting it on the washer. She readjusted, reaching her hands forward to grip the top of it as he slid his hand down her leg and toyed with the fabric of her shorts.

"Listen carefully," he said, causing Y/N's heart to pound harder in her chest. "I'm clean. Are you?"

"Yes," she stated simply, loud and clear, though adding a hint of desperation as to hopefully speed the process along. She knew this communication was important, but damn if she didn't just want to be railed into next week already.

"Birth control?"

She swallowed nervously, hoping it wouldn't change his mind. "I'm not on it."

"Noted," is all he said, before deftly moving her shorts and underwear to the side and slamming into her with no warning. She yelped, leaning her head back as he pounded into her, the cold metal of the washing machine digging into her skin. It was the best kind of painful pleasure, only made better when he gripped her hair into a makeshift ponytail and yanked her to him, deepening his angle inside of her and hitting that sweet spot every time.

"Spencer, I'm..." She could barely breathe, and she loved it, already feeling herself start to unravel.

"Close already, pretty girl?" he purred in her ear, right before pressing a wet kiss to her neck as he craned her head to the side for better access. "Figures... You've always been so easy to please. Such a good, needy little slut for me, huh?"

Y/N groaned at the new name, and it spurred him forward, encouraging him to push them both further into the washing machine as he moved his hips harder. "Please," she gasped, only seconds away from losing herself.

"Tell me what you want," he growled in her ear.

She squeezed her eyes shut and spoke as clearly as she could, not caring how loud she was being. "I wanna cum! Please, Spencer, please!"

"Do it," he grunted, giving her a few more deep, purposeful thrusts to aid in her high. "I got you, pretty girl." That's what did it for her. She yelled out as her body tensed and her walls fluttered around him, everything absolutely burning and blinding until eventually she was spent.

Spencer held himself inside of her for a few seconds, bringing himself closer to the edge before he roughly pulled out and away, leaving Y/N empty and alone. She was tired as hell and completely fucked out, but still she wanted more than anything to help him, ever the needy little slut, as he'd so eloquently called her. So she turned around, peeling herself away from the washing machine and dropping to her knees in front of him, not waiting for him to say anything.

She promptly leaned forward and wrapped her mouth around his cock, wasting no time hollowing her cheeks and setting a fast pace sucking him off. It had somewhat taken him by surprise, but he welcomed it, gathering her hair away from her face and watching as she went to work, practically worshipping the ground he stood on. Eventually she pushed herself all the way forward, allowing him to hit the back of her throat. Instead of pulling back to breathe, she held herself there and gagged, looking up at him with tears in her eyes before removing herself, taking two deep breaths, and going right back to work.

"Look at you," he mused, his voice barely there but with enough volume that allowed Y/N to hear him. "You look so good, pathetic and choking on my cock. Such a good fucking girl, fuck—"

In no time he was gripping her hair tighter and his breathing started to falter. Y/N held herself still as he came in her mouth, most of it hitting the back of her throat and all of it coating her tongue. She moaned around him, blinking tears away and running her hands over his ass until he pulled away from her and let go of her hair.

Standing up, Y/N swallowed most of his cum but purposely let some of it spill out of her mouth and down her chin, to which she used her middle finger to scoop it up and slide it back into her mouth. She kept eye contact with him the whole time, watching as his tongue flicked over his bottom lip before he bit it softly.

Once she was done cleaning herself up, Y/N ran a hand through her hair and smiled. "See, that wasn't bad at all. No trouble."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure the only trouble is you. Eavesdropping, making me fuck you in a semi-public place, et cetera..." He laughed as he pulled his pants up and re-adjusted himself as though nothing had happened.

"Don't act like you don't like it," Y/N teased, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing a deep kiss to his lips. He laughed against them, pulling her closer by her waist and resting his hands there when she pulled away.

As if to signal the end of their... whatever they were going to call it, Y/N's washer buzzed and she turned around to attend to her laundry. As she transferred the clothes from the washer to the dryer, Spencer came up behind her and brushed the hair away from her neck.

"You know, I wasn't trying to be mean or anything when I... called you a slut. I would never want to be mean to you or anything, and I'm sorry if that made you uncomfortable."

Y/N almost laughed, amused again by how dominant he was during sex but then immediately a big 'ol softie once it was over. It was such a fun contrast, and truthfully, as much as she loved his dominant side, she wanted to see more of his softer one. So she turned around to meet him and caressed his cheek, smiling kindly. "I know you don't mean it to be mean. It was hot. And I appreciate you checking up on me, it's sweet. You're sweet."

Before he could say anything, his washer buzzed. So he settled on leaning forward, kissing her cheek, and walking away to do his laundry.

The two of them worked in silence for a while, just enjoying each other's company until they realized they both had to wait for the dryer. 20 minutes.

"Round two?" he asked her with a mischievous grin.

Y/N returned it and took a step towards him when the door opened, laundry gods be damned.

"Oh, hey guys!" Olivia from down the hall chirped as she walked in, striding to her own station.

At least they had the rest of the weekend.

[lostinthewiind]

Piss Off Your Parents - Part 2

Ukai Keishin - Haikyuu

Synopsis: freshly turned 18, you want to prove to your parents that you aren’t a child for them to push around anymore. First, get a job at the local corner store. Second, use the store owner’s 26-year-old son with piercings and a cigarette addiction to piss your parents off. Third, accidentally fall in love.

Rating: Mature

Warnings: heavy/shameless flirting, provocative actions, dirty talk, aggressive-ish sexual advances, female!reader

Song → 18 by Anarbor

Previous →Part 1

Next →Part 3

“Too old for you, sweetheart.” 

Those words repeated in your head over and over again, pissing you off more than they probably should have. Even though Keishin had yet to explicitly tell you how old he was, you were already well aware that he was probably a good four or five years older than you at least. Him pointing out that simple fact was not what was grinding your gears—it was the way he had said it.

With that devilish smirk on his face, he had practically said it as if he were taunting you with it. The way he had shut down your question was like he was holding his superiority over you; he might as well have just laughed in your face and said, “You couldn’t have me even if you wanted to.”

It was awfully bold of him to assume something like that with his tone of voice, because you didn’t even want him . . . well, back then you hadn’t wanted him. Now was a different story, and even though you knew it probably wasn’t the best idea in the world, the blatant ‘you can’t do it’ that screamed at you in his dark brown eyes was more than enough to make you change your perspective. 

So now your mission was to wrap Ukai Keishin around your finger just to prove that you could. 

At first, you hadn’t been sure how to go about accomplishing said mission because Keishin was rarely at the shop at all, which was how you landed the job in the first place—to take over for him. So, you really only had a short window at the beginning of the day when he was leaving and in the evening when he was coming home, but he was usually in too much of a rush or too exhausted to even look in your direction, let alone give you the time of day to make him fall for you.

Nevertheless, you used the few minutes you were graced with each day to the fullest. 

Leaning against the counter, your eyes kept flickering to the clock above the counter and to the door that led to the back room and, in turn, the stairs up to Keishin’s apartment. After working at the store for a few weeks by now, you had come to learn Mrs. Sakanoshita’s and Keishin’s schedules pretty well and knew that Keishin was due to come down the stairs, grumbling about how he was running late, any second now.

Right then, almost as if on cue, you heard heavy footsteps stomping down the stairs and got ready for your morning routine. When the door opened and Keishin emerged with a granola bar stuffed in his mouth and a cup of coffee in hand, you were quick to greet him.

“Good morning.” You smiled as you perked up. 

“Goog morngnan,” his speech was mumbled over the entire granola bar in his mouth, but you caught the gist anyway. He barely paused to acknowledge your presence, his mind completely focused on getting out the door.

A smirk playing at the corners of your mouth, you leaned over the counter, cleavage on full display from your tank top and apron, which hung low on you, and gently grabbed his arm. “Will you be back later tonight or should I wait for you before locking up?” you asked.

Keishin just rolled his eyes at you. You asked him this every day, and every day he gave you the same answer. “Just leave when you’re done. I have keys to the store . . . just like I did yesterday . . . and the day before that.”

“Just checking.” You let go of him, but not before you let your fingertips ghost over his forearm. “Have a good day, Keishin.”

“Yeah, you too.” He never returned the sentiment by using your name as well, but you still persisted, hoping that he might change his mind one day. 

As he turned his back to you and headed out the door, you watched him leave. Although men who pretty much wore track suits exclusively were not usually your type, there was just something about the way Keishin’s ass looked in track pants that did it for you. As you wondered whether he was as nicely sculpted everywhere else—and whether it came from volleyball or if he worked out sometimes in secret—he had disappeared from sight. 

With your short-lived window of opportunity having come and gone, resulting in the same pathetic outcome as always, you sighed heavily and got back to work. As much as ogling the boss’ son was entertaining, you still wanted to keep your job because you did really like it, so you still had to actually get the job done. 

Like every other day, you spend your shift helping out customers, manning the front counter, and cleaning when cleaning needed to be done. The days were usually more or less the same, so by now you could predict when a heavy customer flow would hit—like around lunchtime and after work/school hours—and when the store would be dead, giving you time to take a break, eat some lunch, and get some chores done. 

Sometimes the days went by in the blink of an eye and sometimes they dragged on painfully slowly. Today was the former, probably because it was a Friday and the store tended to see a higher than normal customer rush in the afternoon when people stopped by on their way home to grab snacks and drinks for the weekend. 

Today, however, ended up being unusually busy, even for a Friday, and before you knew it, it was almost time for your shift to end and you still had quite a bit of shelves to restock. You were a little bummed about having to stay late on a Friday night, but you knew that if you went home you would just end up eating some leftovers in the fridge, taking a shower, and lying in bed, scrolling on your phone, until you passed out. Unfortunately, you didn’t have any exciting plans for the evening, so it wasn’t a hard decision to choose to stay later to get the work done instead of having to come in earlier on Saturday morning. 

With the radio playing in the background, like it always was in the evenings when the customer flow was practically nonexistent, you locked the front doors and worked through box after box, restocking the shelves and doing some of the remaining cleaning that you hadn’t been able to get done during the day.

Half an hour or so later, you heard a slight commotion from the front doors and instinctively looked up at the clock, noting the time. It was well past closing time by now, but this also wouldn’t be the first time you would have needed to deal with someone who couldn’t tell time and send them on their way empty-handed. 

Just as you stood up from where you were kneeling in front of one of the back shelves, the familiar sound of the front doors sliding open filled the store. Confused and a little on-edge, you approached the noise. Ever since your first day, you refused to be snuck up on again and always had your ears sharp and listening for people. 

Rounding the shelf, you spotted a figure with its back turned to you. However, you recognized that ass and poorly dyed blonde hair instantly and calmed down. It was only Keishin.

“You’re back late,” you commented. Sure, he always reminded you that he had a set of keys for the store, but he had never returned after you had locked up and actually had to use them before. 

When Keishin turned around after locking the doors behind himself, you noticed he was a little wobbly on his feet and couldn’t help but chuckle. “Oh, so that’s why you’re late.” You stood back and gave him a wide birth as he slowly stumbled over to the counter and sat down on the stool behind it. 

Keishin narrowed his brown brows at you. “What’s that mean?” he inquired, his speech completely unaffected despite the fact that he was moving like he was tipsy, which he seemed to be.

“Oh, nothing.” You shrugged, brushing off his inquiry. “At least one of us had a good night.”

“Mmm . . . very good,” he sighed before folding his arms on the counter top and resting his head on them. 

You watched him for a minute or so, watching his back for rising and falling to prove he was still breathing when he went silent and still. “You should probably go to bed,” you told him, afraid he might pass out right there on the counter, leaving you to deal with his unconscious body. 

“Yeah . . .” He paused for a while before continuing. “Just rest here for a little bit first.”

“Okay.” You nodded slowly before turning back toward the shelves you had been stocking. “Well, I’ve still got some stuff to finish up so just call if you need anything.”

“Kay.”

Normally, you would be using this time to try to seduce him some more in whatever subtle way you could think of, but since he was pretty drunk, you decided against it for tonight. Besides, you were a little too exhausted to try anything anyway. Maybe this had all worked out for the best; a night off to just be in the same room as him and maybe you could gather some information to aid your pursuit that would resume the following day.

As the radio continued to play softly throughout the store and Keishin rested on the counter top, you quickly finished up stocking the shelves, noting that you would need to do some sweeping the next morning due to how dusty the tile was in the back corner. 

Standing up, you dusted off your hands and began patting your black pants off as you strolled back to the front. Surprisingly, Keishin was sitting up now, leaning back against the wall and typing something on his phone. In about twenty minutes, he seemed to have sobered up quite a bit.

“Damn, you bounce back fast,” you said, eyeing him and the nimble movements of his fingers while he typed. When he didn’t respond at first, you just went back to dusting off your pants.

“You missed a spot,” he finally spoke, his fingers ceasing movement while his eyes flickered over his phone at you.

Trying to inspect the back of your pants and failing miserably, you huffed. “Where?” You patted a few more spots, starting to wonder if you had actually missed a spot or if he was just messing with you.

“No, not there. On the side-” He tried to point out the spot he meant, but when you kept turning and twisting, it was impossible for him to pinpoint the area for you. “Oh, for fuck sake.” He set his phone down, stood up, and approached you. 

Right as he extended his hand to wipe away the smudge of dust on the side of your thigh, you turned again and he ended up brushed his hand across your ass. You both froze immediately, and when you looked up at him, you noticed a light dusting of pink across his cheeks.

Out of all the fruitless plans and days you had spent trying to get any reaction out of him, in the end, all it had taken was a few drinks on his part, an accidental encounter, and a misunderstanding to see any sort of progress.

“S-sorry,” he stuttered slightly, but you knew it wasn’t from the alcohol . . . or, at least, it wasn’t just from the alcohol. 

“It’s okay,” you told him, shrugging it off right away. It really wasn’t that big of a deal and you were slightly surprised to see such a reaction from him after something as trivial as an accidental butt touch. 

“I-I was trying to brush your thigh but you turned and then-”

You giggled. “Really, it’s okay.” You found his embarrassment endearing. “I think I’ll survive.”

“It’s not about that.” He groaned, rubbing his hands over his face. “Workplace harassment is taken pretty seriously these days. Not to mention . . . sexual harassment.”

This time your giggle turned into a full blown belly laugh. “Do you honestly think I’m going to report you for an accident like that?” you questioned. “Besides, who am I going to report you to? You and your mom own this place, right?”

Furrowing his brows, Keishin seemed pretty disgruntled about what had happened. “You’re sure you’re not upset about it?”

“You’re really bent out of shape over this, aren’t you?” You rolled your eyes playfully. “Okay, how about we make it even?”

“What are you-”

Before he could finish his sentence, you had reached around and gently planted your hand on his ass. It took every ounce of self restraint you possessed not to give it a squeeze and test to see if it truly felt as great as it looked, but in the end you just left it at a light touch like he had done to you.

“Now we’re even,” you told him softly. “You gonna be okay now?”

Just like before, there was a faint blush on Keishin’s cheeks. But this time, in addition to the pink hue, there was a hungry look in his eyes, and you truly couldn’t tell if he was actually hungry after drinking so much or if he was hungry for something else . . . for you.

The two of you fell into silence for a few moments, breathing heavy and eyes locked. The way he was staring at you, you were ready for him to lunge at you at any second, but he never did. His hand twitched slightly by his side and his tongue ran over his bottom lip, but he never stepped closer.

Since this seemed like your best chance, you were forced to make the first move. If he didn’t want this, you would stop right away . . . but you were half convinced he did want this.

“You work so much . . . has it been a while since someone has touched you like this?” you asked in a hushed whisper, slowly removing your hand from his behind and moving your fingers to toy with the hem of his shirt. 

Keishin, whose face and neck were bright red at this point, didn’t answer. Instead, he swallowed hard and wrapped his hands around your arms. Then, he stepped backward, sat back down on the stool, and pulled you to stand between his legs. 

“Do you want me to touch you?” Your hands began travelling up under his shirt, nails lightly scratching over his lower stomach. “Say the word and I can make you feel good.”

Keishin’s lips parted and it looked like he was seconds away from practically begging for it, but before he did, something flashed in his eyes and he came to his senses. Running his hands down your arms, he snatched your wrists, pulled your hands out from under his shirt, and held you at arms-length. 

“I know that you think this is all fun and games, sweetheart, but you’re seriously biting off more than you can chew here,” he warned, eyes dark and serious.

You were taken aback. How had he done a 180 so quickly?  “How do you know how much I can fit in my mouth?” you teased, choosing your words carefully. “You haven’t even let me show you yet.”

He just shook his head. “26.”

You cocked a brow, unsure if you had heard him correctly or not. “What?”

“You asked me how old I was,” he elaborated. “I’m 26. You’re 18. That’s an eight year age gap. Eight years is a lot when you’re 18.”

You felt your blood begin to boil in your veins. “Why does everyone think they know what I can and cannot handle?”

“Why are you so adamant on refusing to acknowledge that people older than you might have some useful advice?” he said plainly. “I’ve been 18 before. I know what it’s like to feel like no one is taking you seriously, but making stupid choices in order to pass as independent is not the way to go about rectifying that situation”

Groaning in frustration, you pulled your hands out of his grasp. “I’m not trying to ‘pass as independent’. I am independent! I can make my own decisions and if I want to have meaningless sex with a 26-year-old I should be able to do that!”

“Why is this the hill you want to die on?” he inquired.

“Because it’s the only hill I have!” 

Untying your apron from around your waist, you yanked it over your head and threw it harshly onto the counter. After grabbing your belongings from the back room, you headed for the door, ready to be as far away from Keishin and the store as possible.

“Just my luck that I stumble across the only morally-responsible 26-year-old burnout in the fucking world,” you spat at him on your way past him to the front door. “I’m going home.”

“Okay, goodnight,” Keishin responded calmly, definitely completely sober by this point. He watched as you struggled with unlocking the front doors, waiting a reasonable about of time before offering his help. “You have to turn it the other way.”

Taking his advice without a word in response, you shot a glare at him over your shoulder as you pushed the doors open. You wanted to hurl one last insult his way, but by then, you were too emotionally exhausted and mentally flustered to think of anything appropriate . . . and if you were being honest with yourself, his words were sinking too deep for your liking and you needed to be away from him before you did something truly horrible . . .

. . . like admitting he might be right. 

[i-need-entertainment]

Haikyuu!! Boys as Bad Dad moments

Characters: Akaashi, Washio, Konoha, Kita, Suna, Ushijima, Yahaba, Iwaizumi, Futakuchi, Daishou and Numai

**These are ways they “failed” as fathers. I am not talking about ACTUALLY failing as fathers, just things dads have done that most of us either remember/get told about NOT TO BE TAKEN  S E R I O U S L Y  it is just for      f u n  I also gave them all at least 2 kids cause SibLiNgS**

A ‘*’ means it happened to me lol

TW- Mentions of giving too much medicine, accidental pain caused to child, these are things I either experienced/knew people who experienced them, allusion to cursing/a FEW bad words (but I substitute a letter for something else :)

*Akaashi Keiji: 

He had been working in his office when his son had come in.

You had been putting your newborn to sleep for a nap when your son decided he wanted to be with his dad.

His son was only 3, so when Akaashi was held up in his office editing his son, Kenji, would sometimes come in and plop himself in Akaashi’s lap.

His sons small feel padded on the floor while he made his way to his father, softly tugging on his pants as he stuck his arms up.

Akaashi smiled and softly chuckled before gently picking up his son from under his arms and placing him on his lap.

He got to work soon after, reading and revising the pages.

Other than having his son on his lap it wasn’t unusual for him to be drinking coffee while working.

Keep in mind, your son had inherited a lot from Akaashi, and not just his looks or personality.

But also his habits.

Because of this, your son was very fidgety, usually toying with a string or your fingers.

That meant he tended to move around a lot.

Akaashi had just lifted his not-so-cold coffee to his lips when his son had made a sudden movement, causing him to knock his arm and, “AHH” Akaashi’s eyes snapped open as his son started crying, cursing under his breath he stood up gently holding his son in his arms as he carried him to the bathroom.

Sitting him down on the counter he dried the coffee off of his son, luckily it hadn’t been hot enough to burn him, but it was still hot enough to hurt.

“What happened? I heard crying, is he okay?” Akaashi sighed as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Yeah, he’s okay, he bumped my arm and I spilled my coffee on him. He’s okay! It didn’t burn him, but it did hurt...” Your frowned as you stood in front of your son, giving him a soft smile before kissing his arm, cause kisses always make it feel better~

You carefully picked him up from the counter, rocking him slowly side to side as he burrowed into your shoulder.

“Are you okay little man~” He nodded as he sniffled into your shoulder, little hands clutching onto the fabric of your t-shirt.

“You know daddy didn’t mean it, it was an accident.” He nodded again, lifting his head to rub his eyes and reach out for his dad.

Akaashi gave a wobbly smile before reaching over to grab him, kissing the top of his head as he carried him back to his office, making sure to have some iced coffee instead.

Washio Tatsuki: 

This would be the first time Washio was left alone with the twins.

5 months ago, you and your husband had had your first children, your adorable fraternal twins Natsuki and Tatsuo.

Today would be the first day you would be away from them, but with your mother being sick and you being the only one available to take care of her you had to go.

You weren’t too worried about your husband, he was already a good dad so you had no doubt they were in good hands.

But it was never an enjoyable experience to have to leave your kids, especially your babies, and for the first time. 

So, you decided to leave early in the morning, give them their good morning kisses and head over to your parents house.

Before you left you changed their diapers, letting them play in their little play pen while your husband tried to get up.

Rubbing his eyes Washio walked into the play room.

He had to go to the gym today for a meeting, fortunately EJP had a really good daycare system in the stadium, so he could leave his kids there while he attended the short meeting.

He stopped in his tracks as his face blanched and he felt his breath stop.

You had changed the twins’ diapers...but you hadn’t dressed them.

The twins were still young, so without looking at their, uh, biological differences you couldn’t tell them apart....

Now, usually when this happened you guys would just check the diapers, but you had just done them..

And he was already running a bit late.

So, he made his best guess, got them dressed (one in pink, the other in blue), fed and in the car driving them to the stadium.

Once he got there he quickly dropped them off, rushing to his meeting.

The meeting had been fairly simple, just some pre-season info he’d need.

After chatting with his coach/teammates, and stopping Suna and Komori from pulling a prank, he made his way back to the daycare.

He walked into the building when one of the younger care takers, Yui, walked up to him, One twin in each arm.

He smiled as he carefully put them into their carriers.

“Uhm, just a question...” He looked up to her and motioned for her to continue.

“...Were you aware that Tatsuo was wearing the dress?” Washio sighed as he ran a hand down his face shaking his head. Yui light heartedly smiled, “Don’t worry, we switched them.” Thanking them, he picked up his babies and went home.

He was not prepared for the way you cackled when he told you what happened.

*Konoha Akinori: 

You had gone away for a business trip, leaving your husband Konoha home with your 3 kids. (You guys have 2 girls and a boy)

Your middlest child, your son Akira, had recently come down with a cold making the poor thing miserable when he tried to sleep.

Being the good dad that he is, he gave his son some benadryl!

The next morning he woke up, and after letting his kids sleep in for a little bit he woke them up too.

...two of them.

He tried several times to get his son to leave his bed, but the little kid couldn’t so much as swing one foot over the side of his bed with out falling asleep again.

He didn’t think too much of it, the kid had a cold after all.

So he let him sleep for another hour or so before making him get up for real.

A day later you got home, and everything was pretty much normal.

Until you went to put your son to bed, and realized he had crashed on the couch.

“...Uhm, Akinori?” Your husband lifted his head at your voice, setting the dishes in the sink and drying his hands with a towel as he made his way over to you. 

“Yeah babe?” You took a look over towards your son before looking back to your husband.

“...Has Akira been like that all weekend?” Konoha ran his hand through his hair as he sighed. “No, only since Saturday. He wasn’t feeling good so I gave him some benadryl, he’s been dead to the world since.” You slowly nodded.

“Uhm, Akinori?” He raised an eyebrow at you. “How much benadryl did you give him?”

He left to grab the box, coming back with it in his hand as he continued to look at it.

He shook his head in confusion. “I gave him the amount the box said, 1 teasp-”- He paused.

Uh oh.

He in fact, had not given his son a teaspoon of benadryl.

He had given him a tablespoon.

*Kita Shinsuke: 

You had to leave early one morning for a doctors appointment; you were pregnant with you and Kita’s second child. 

Usually for these appointments Kita’s grandmother would watch your 3 year old daughter Kyoka.

But she had something to do that morning so Kita was the one responsible for getting her ready for preschool.

Kita was a good father so you weren’t worried.

You knew she would be put together, fed, and on time.

There was just one thing you couldn’t account for.

“Daddy?” Kita looked away from the mirror he was shaving in and down to his daughter, washing away the traces of shaving cream. “Yes sweetheart?”

She held out her small hand, 2 bright pink hair ties with little butterfly charms on them held out in her palm.

“Can you do my piggy tails please?” His eyes widened.

He hadn’t done hair...like...ever.

But from the puppy eyes his little princess was giving him, how could he not do it?!

Plus, it couldn’t be that hard...right? I mean, he had watched you do it plenty of times, and it was pretty straight forward.

Sitting down on the edge of the bed he had her stand on the ground in front of him.

He grabbed her brush and put the two hair ties she had given him on his wrist.

He brushed her hair and parted it as evenly as he could, trying to be gentle in the process.

Now time for the pig tails..

He pulled her hair back, trying to make it tight to it would stay.

...But he might have made it a little too tight.

He turned her around and realized he had made them way too tight.

Not only did her hair look like he had slicked it back with x4 strength hair gel, but it was so tight that her eyebrows had been stuck way up on her forehead.

He was quick to turn her back around, loosening the hair ties so she looks like a 3 year old again.

His face turned undeniably red as he told you what happened later that night, you light heartedly laughing at his misfortune.

Suna Rintaro: 

Suna had just gotten out of practice, and now he was on the way to his kids school. 

You and Suna had 4 kids, 2 boys and 2 girls. 

The youngest 2 had a doctor’s appointment earlier that day, which you had taken them too. Meaning Suna needed to pick the older 2 up from elementary school.

He had been listening to music, his music to be specific.

He had pulled into the parking lot, changing the playlist to a kid friendly one right before his children got in the car.

After they had told him about their days, and he had told about his, he switched back on the music.

It had been fine for a song.

Until he realized that he had a few songs qued.

The fun little song had just ended when the bass dropped, the color draining from his face as soon as the song started.

The mentioned song being “Big Bank” by YG, 2 Chainz, Big Sean and Nicki Minaj of course~.

He was quick to turn the radio off, waiting until he could pull over, empty the que, and turn on kid friendly music.

He told the kids to ‘forget what they heard’ and he continued on his drive home.

Now, you’ve got to remember, his daughter is in kindergarten and his son is in 2nd grade, so they’re still kind of at that “monkey see, monkey do” age range.

Or rather, “monkey hear, monkey repeat.”

He thought it was gonna be okay, they were good kids so he figured telling them to forget they even heard it, they would let it go.

There was just one thing about his children that he didn’t account for.

As obedient and well behaved as his children were, they were also very curious.

That night at dinner they had all been sat down at the table, eating dinner and talking about their days. 

You had been feeding your infant son while Suna had been watching the 3 year old, the other 2 older children happily eating their food. Until...

“Hey mommy?” You looked at your daughter with a smile, “Yes baby?” She continued to eat her dinner, “What’s a b!tch?” Your eyes widened as your husband choked on his food, your baby laughing at the scene before him.

Hitting his chest and taking a sip of water Suna tried to catch his breath.

“Nezuko we don’t say that, where did you hear that?!” She tilted her head as she looked at you confused before turning to look at Suna, pointing a small finger at him.

“It was on the radio, daddy told us to ‘forget’ but I didn’t know what it meant...What does it mean?” You sent a glare towards your husband as you sighed.

After explaining to your daughter why it was bad to say those things and not to repeat everything she heard you cleaned up your kids and put them to bed.

...You had quite the conversation with your husband later that night.

Ushijima Wakatoshi: 

Ushijima had been on grocery duty this week since you had a meeting with a friend.

He had the Friday off, and since you weren’t home he took the kids with him.

Now, I would like you to know that you guys have 6 kids. S I X.

Growing up with no siblings and divorced parents, Ushijima wanted to make sure none of his kids were lonely.

Originally you guys had two, each kid had a buddy.

...but then you had a third, and you couldn’t just leave him alone...

so you had another...then another...

And now you guys have 6. But it’s okay cause you both love kids anyway~

He was doing his best, he truly was. He had his 2 youngest sitting in the little seat by the handle bar, 2 kids in the basket, 1 hanging onto the side and the oldest walking alongside him.

When they got to check out he had to take one of the kids out of the basket, so he opted for his 3rd oldest, his son Kazue, figuring he was older so it’d be a-okay.

He checked out his extensive amount of groceries before loading them up into his car, and his kids.

He pulled out of the grocery store parking lot and got on the road, his kids singing along to the radio and chatting amongst themselves.

They had been driving for 6 minutes when his oldest child, Ren, spoke up. “Uh, dad?” He hummed, briefly checking the rear view mirror before returning his gaze to the road. “When are we going back to get Kazue?” His face lost all color as his eyes widened.

As swiftly and safely as he could he pulled over to the side of the road, whipping around in his seat to take a head count. ‘1..2..3..4..5...oh sh-’ Turning back around he got back onto the road, taking the nearest u-turn and rushing back to the store. 

Unbuckling his kids from their carseats he hurried them back into the store, his oldest holding the 2nd borns hand, as he held all 3 of the younger ones in his arms.

He frantically entered the store, almost collapsing with relief when he saw his son sat at the customer service desk with the security guard, eating a lollipop before smiling when he saw his dad come to pick him up.

After giving proof that yes, he was his father, he took all of his kids back home after getting them some ice cream.

...this would be one conversation he was not excited to have with you....

Yahaba Shigeru: 

Yahaba and his 2 sons had been hanging out in the living room while you finished making some snacks in the kitchen.

Yahaba had been trying to set up a DVD player, you guys were going to watch some home-videos from your high school days but they were all on CD.

So, after borrowing one from his parents house, he set out to hook it up to the TV.

...Which was proving much more difficult then he first anticipated.

His two boys, Itsuki (6) and Hayato (8) were in there with him, ‘helping’ as they had called it.

Yahaba groaned as he sat back, a hand ruffling through his hair as he racked his brain to think of the problem.

You had finished preparing everything so you came in, with the food, and set it down on the coffee table.

You came up behind your husband, kneeling down behind him and placing your hands on his shoulders.

“How’s it going?” He sighed, leaning back into you.

“Well, I think I know what I need to do, I’m going to have to stick my hand back there though. Hey Hayato, can you help me out buddy?” The 8 year old excitedly nodded.

“Great, I need you to hold this flashlight here, hold it steady okay?” Hayato nodded with a ‘Yup!’ before Yahaba laid down on his side, maneuvering to where he could see the back of the TV.

All had been going well, he had just got it hooked up, and after having you test it, it worked!

He tried to get himself out from behind the TV, until a sharp edge caught his finger.

“Sh!t!” Your eyes widened, “Shigeru!” He hadn’t realized his slip up until he was out from behind the TV, faced directly with your glare.

“Kids, don’t say that.” His youngest blinked at him. “But why?”.

Kneeling down in front of him Yahaba tried to explain, but it was a little hard when you were glaring holes into the back of his head and his oldest was giggling at the situation.

*Iwaizumi Hajime: 

It was a weekend in summer vacation, and you and your husband were both off work.

This meant, you guys got a whole day to spend with your 3 boys, and one of the things you guys loved to do as a family was play games.

On this particular afternoon, your sons had chosen to play twister.

You were a little skeptical because you had 3 competitive, rambunctious boys. 

And an equally competitive rambunctious husband.

But after getting 4 identical pouts you couldn’t say no...

But, you elected to be the spinner. (..for your own safety)

“Left hand, green.” This put your middlest son in quite the predicament.

The only space available was the Green directly by his fathers hand, meaning he’d have to crawl under Iwaizumi.

“Okay Hajime, right hand, yellow.” Iwaizumi grimaced as he tried to reach it.

 This wasn’t good, the mat was slick, his hands were sweating-

“oOf” Before he could catch himself he had completely lost his balance, landing right on his son.

You gasped in horror as you saw the life get squeezed out of your 5 year old, scrambling from where you sat to check on your now pancaked son.

“...Hiro..are you okay..?” 

His small head shot up with a “I’m okay!” Before he, albeit wearily, stood up brushing off his godzilla t-shirt before continuing on with his life.

You took a deep breath as you sat back down, flashing a warning look towards your husband who sheepishly smiled and shrugged his shoulders.

And after checking that yes, your son really was okay, you guys continued on with some...safer games.

Futakuchi Kenji: 

You had left for a weekend visit to see your parents in your hometown, leaving your husband and Your 3 girls alone.

It was a friday night, so after having a less than healthy dinner, ice cream and a fair amount of other sweets, Futakuchi figured a movie before bed would be a good way to finish off the night.

He scrolled through netflix trying to find a movie he could watch with his girls.

“Daddy, can we watch snow white?!” Futakuchi looked down at his oldest, Hayami, before he shrugged. “Sure.”

He may be a guy, but he was not above watching princess movies if it meant his babies were happy. Besides, it was a disney movie, what bad could be in it!

Everything was going swell, until the witch showed up.

He felt the sick feeling of dread in his stomach as soon as he felt his middlest curl in tight to his side, his youngest hopping off of the couch and climbing into his lap.

...Disney SHOULD have been a safe bet, but with the way his 3 girls were clinging onto him for dear life, he probably should have previewed it first..

That night he put them to bed, reading them a quick story before giving them each a kiss on their forehead and tucking them into bed. 

15 minutes.

15 minutes of almost sleep when he heard you guys’ bedroom door creak open, 3 sets of little feet pad over to his side of the bed.

“...daddy..?” He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he opened them, brown eyes meeting the teary ones of his 3 children as they stood there. Speaking in as soft of a voice as he could he tried not to sound as tired as he knew he was.

“What is it munchkin?” His daughters all fidgeted where they stood, fiddling with the hems of their princess night gowns as they stood there.

“...We’re scared...can we sleep with you..?” Knowing he wouldn’t be able to get them to sleep like you could, and being incredibly tired himself he moved to the side, opening the covers and making room for all 3 of his princesses.

...This was going to be a long night for him.. 

Daishou Suguru: 

Daishou had been playing outside with his kids, his 2 year old son Kento and his 5 year old daughter Shizuko.

His son was sat on his shoulders, one of Daishou’s hands wrapped firmly around the boys ankles while the other pushed his daughter on the swing.

You had been inside getting dinner ready while they had been outside; smiling fondly at the smiles that were plastered on their faces.

When dinner had finished you walked to the sliding glass door, opening it and calling to them. “Dinners ready! Come inside and wash up so we can eat.” Your daughter and husband replied with ‘okay!’ as you went back to get plates. 

Slowing down the swing Daishou brought it to a stop so Skizuko could safely get off.

In all honesty, he was a good dad.

He was very mindful of his children and their surroundings, so they didn’t get hurt too often.

He was also very careful not to accidentally hurt them.

But accidents happen.

Walking to the back door, he, somehow either forgot or the thought didn’t register in his mind that his son was still perched on his shoulders.

He didn’t remember until a loud *whack!* was heard, and his sons cries sounded above him.

..He had tried going inside, through the door, with his son on his shoulders.

Bringing him down from his shoulders he quickly brought him inside to set him down on the counter, you almost screaming when you saw the bruise forming on his little forehead.

“Ah-wha-how- SUGURU! What happened?!”

Groaning Daishou gently put a small ice pack on his sons head, “...He whacked his head on the door frame...” You looked at him, “And how did he do that?”

Daishou sighed as he looked down, grimacing at the purple mark already present on his sons head.

...For the next few nights the couch became a good friend of his.

Numai Kazuma: 

Today was your son, Kazuya’s birthday. Today he would be turning 1.

Kazuya was the first, and so far only child you had with your husband of 3 years Kazuma Numai.

You and Numai were still learning how to be parents, and it had been an interesting journey to say the least, but you guys were doing good!

Your relatives and friends had just left, leaving you, Kazuma and your son.

It was pretty late so you started cleaning up in the kitchen and Numai started in the living room.

Kazuya had been pretty fussy, you both figuring he was tired, but when you tried to put him to sleep he wouldn’t even close his eyes.

So, deciding it’d be best to get it out of the way Numai held Kazuya as he was cleaning.

Things had been going just fine before Kazuya had reached out to grab at something on a nearby book shelf, causing the book shelf to start tipping over.

At that moment the only thing going through Numai’s mind was ‘stop the book shelf’, because at the moment, getting his son and him crushed by a bookshelf seemed like a very bad thing.

But what he hadn’t thought of was the fact that reflexively he had used both of his arms to stop said shelf (which didn’t even fall), the same two arms that had been holding his- “WAAAHH”

His eyes snapped down to the BABY he had just let go of, now crying on the floor.

You rushed into the living room, seeing your husband now cradling your still crying son, whispering apologies into his hair as he kissed the top of his head.

“Kazuma what happened?” 

He avoided eye contact. 

“...Kazuma...” Looking down he spoke.

“...I dropped him...”

...

“...you what?”

[havethetimeofyourstyles]

in which harry stumbles across your livestream.

a/n: alright lovelies! here is my submission for bificathon hosted by my two lovely friends @bopbopstyles & @harrysclementines !! my prompt is ‘harry accidentally stumbles upon a livestream of her and her friend’ and let me tell you, I SNATCHED THIS SO QUICK! its my first time writing gxg smut, so pls be nice :’). also september is bi awareness month, so happy bi month babies! you’re so all beautiful and valid <3

enjoy 4k words of bi/camgirl!yn x roommate/best friend!harry filled with girl x girl smut/filth

come into my inbox and send feedback and let’s talk about this!

pls rb to share! <3

It was Harry’s usual Thursday night when he found himself lying in his bed with his laptop on his lap and a plate of his dinner in his hands. 

He was binge watching interior home designers on Netflix, letting out an ‘ooh’ and ‘ahh’ as they revealed the finished homes, practically envisioning his future home the same way. 

Thursday nights were practically the start of his weekend as he didn’t have classes on Fridays, and usually his friends and him would hang out, but he really just didn’t feel like going out nor did he have the social capacity to hang out and get drunk when he’s probably going to do that on Friday and Saturday. 

He simply just wanted a break, and that included staying inside and watching interior designers flip a house completely different, and eating his dinner. And he wasn’t ashamed that he enjoyed it. 

After a few episodes and an empty plate, Harry paused the next episode before it even started to put his plate away and grab a glass of water. As he was washing his plate, he heard the door open and close, followed by hushed giggles and whispers. 

“Shh. Harry might be asleep,” a voice said, but he knew it was you. You knew that he liked to sometimes sleep early, but he thought it was too early to be asleep, seeing as it was only eight p.m. 

“I’m actually in here,” he chuckled, making himself present with his voice. 

“Oh!” You said surprisingly, and another laugh was heard. 

You made your way to the kitchen, your guest following behind you as you saw Harry in just a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. 

“Hey, H,” you greeted. 

“Hi, love. Have fun tonight?” He asked. You had went to the bar to chill out from the many essays you had to write and exams you had to take, and Thursday nights were also a start to your weekend as well, so fuck it. 

“Yeah, I did, thanks for asking. This is Daniela, by the way,” you introduced the girl you had met at the bar. 

You had seen Daniela right when you walked in as her and her friends were sitting at the table right next to the entrance, and she immediately caught your eye. She looked right back at you, giving you some flirty eyes herself as you were dragged away by your friends and straight to the bar. 

After a few drinks and rounds of dancing with your best girlfriends, you saw Daniela walk over to the bar and order some drinks, so you decided that it was your chance to go up to her. 

You two had immediately hit it off, getting to know one another. She told you that she was a lesbian, and you proudly told her that you were bisexual. You also found out that you’re both in the same bio-chem class together, which definitely raised the excitement as she suggested studying together and you happily said yes. Then there was dancing while you two were both buzzed, completely forgetting your friends as you grinded against each other and kissed, not caring that you were practically putting on a show for everyone around you. 

And when you suggested that you took her home, she immediately said yes, and you dragged her outside as you waited for the Uber you called. 

“Nice to meet you, Daniela. I’m Harry,” he introduced himself, shaking her hand. “Her roommate and friend-”

“Best friend. C’mon, Harry, don’t put yourself lower than that,” you corrected and he smiled. 

“Alright, alright. My bad,” he laughed. 

“So, we’re gonna go to my room,” you winked him as Harry said ‘have fun’ before cleaning up a bit in the kitchen. 

He was glad that one of you was getting laid. He also noticed how happy you were, which he absolutely adored, and he thinks it has to do with the fact that you came out a year ago, and you’re now living your life to the fullest and happiest, and that’s all he wants; is for you to be happy with yourself and in general.

Harry met you at the end of freshman year of college as your friend groups met up with each other at a bar. He was a bit more shy than the rest of his friends, and didn’t immediately mingle with everyone until a few drinks in. But as you introduced yourself to his friends, you noticed him sitting down at the bar, not interacting with anyone. You were also somewhat on the quiet side, but was able to handle introducing yourself, so you completely understood why Harry acted the way he did when you two met. 

“Hey, not feeling it tonight?” You asked, taking a seat next to him. 

“Eh, not one for going up to people and initiating a conversation,” he said nervously. 

“I get that. Makes me nervous to go up to someone and talk to them, but I’m trying to get over that, so here’s me trying,” you chuckled as did he. 

“Well, we gotta drink to that then,” he said, and it took him by surprise that he was able to make a joke and laugh. 

It could have definitely been the liquid courage, but he was starting to warm up to you; joking around and becoming less tense as you two talked and drank. But that was because you were making him comfortable, to which he appreciated very much. 

Since then, you two have been by each other’s side. He told you that your friends kind of intimidated him because they were very out there, and that made you laugh slightly because it was very true, but you made sure to be by his side whenever your groups hung out. 

The group hangouts turned into one-on-one hangouts with just you and Harry. He was definitely more comfortable with you, and he really enjoyed your company and presence. 

Both of your friends had expected you two to end up together, but you two realized that you were better off as friends—who knows if you two will end up together, but for now, you were happy being best friends with him as was he. 

It was a year, the end of sophomore year, when you wanted to move out of the dorms. It wasn’t like you didn’t like your friends and roommates, but sometimes you wanted your own space and that didn’t help when there’s two other people in the same room as you. 

So Harry suggested that you both find a flat together since he was on the lookout for a flat anyways, and it’ll help him a ton with bills and whatnot. You excitedly said yes after you asked him if he was sure that he wanted to move in with you, and if he was extra sure that he wanted to since you’d be there when he would take home people. He laughed, and said that he didn’t care and wanted to live with you, saying it’ll be fun. You both had gotten quite close throughout that year and practically told each other everything, so it’ll be even better to live with someone you both trust. 

Junior year of uni, he noticed that you always came home with a sad frown on your face, briefly saying hi to him before going straight to your room and locking yourself up for hours. Harry tried figuring out why you were in such a mood all the time, and tracked his steps, seeing if he said anything wrong that made you upset. But he couldn’t figure it out as you both always had light and fun conversations during breakfast and dinner. 

And the frown went on for months until you both came back from Christmas break, and you told him that you had to tell him something very important. 

“Love, you can tell me anything, you know that right?” He said, reassuring you. 

“Yeah. It’s just…I’m nervous to,” you said, shaking your leg. Harry really wondered what happened during break that made you so anxious. He was worried that you wanted to move out and not live with him anymore, but he had to remind himself that it was probably not even about him as he told you to take your time. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll be here when you’re ready,” he said, and you nodded, giving him a smile before you walked off to your room to gather your thoughts. 

An hour later, you came out of your room and found Harry sitting on the couch, watching a film. You sat next to him, and he immediately turned off the TV, giving you his full attention.

You took a deep breath and started, “What I was trying to say earlier was that something about me has changed, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you when I was still figuring it out, but I was just scared of what you would think,” you said. Harry started to get concerned, but he let you finish talking before he said anything. “So, I’ve always had an attraction towards girls, and I thought it was just me thinking a girl was pretty, but when I started to get nervous and flustered when a girl would talk to me, I realized that I really like them, and I would find myself flirting with them and longing to have something romantic with them. And then when I went back home for break, I met up with a childhood friend, and somehow…we kissed. It was so magical that it made my stomach flutter.” 

Harry had smiled softly as you told your story; knowing where this conversation was going, but of course, he stayed silent and let you talk. 

“So what I’m trying to tell you is that… I’m bi,” you had said nervously, hands shaking in your lap. You were trying to contain your tears from falling from your face as you shook your leg. 

“Love, I’m so happy for you,” he replied, opening his arms to comfort you from the anxiety you were feeling from telling him. You had softly sobbed into his shoulder, feeling the weight on your shoulders disappear as you had finally told the person you were closest to and who you trust the most. 

“R-Really?” You said as you pulled away from his hold. 

“Of course! Why wouldn’t I be? I’m happy that you can be whoever you want to be and I’m here to support you,” he said, holding your arms and running his hands over your skin. 

“Thank you, Harry,” you smiled at him, feeling ultimately grateful for your best friend and his acceptance. 

Harry smiled at the memory as he heard giggles through your door, and he chuckled as he finished cleaning before heading to his room. He was feeling a bit tired and despite it being a bit earlier than his usual bedtime, he decided to call it a night a try to get some sleep, deciding that he could go on a run in the morning since he was sleeping early. 

But after an hour of tossing and turning, he gave up trying to get a restful sleep, and opened his laptop to put on some Netflix, hoping it would lull him into a deep slumber. He was comfortably watching a random show until his hand grazed his crotch, and he realized he hadn’t relieved himself nor had he had sex in a while.��

So, he pushed his boxers down his legs, kicked them off the bed, and took off his shirt before he grabbed some lube and pumped his cock as it immedately hardened in his hand. He began touching himself in the darkness of his room as he quietly groaned out and threw his head back on his pillow. 

Realizing he doesn’t have some kind of visual, he stops to search up cam girl sites on the internet so he can get a mental image in his head to get him off. He finally settled on one user that was doing a live stream called ‘KISSYPLS’ as the preview was a girl going down on another with a purple ambiance to the room. The room was dark, but not dark enough where he couldn’t see the two girls. 

The sound of the moans from his laptop were quite loud and he didn’t want you to hear it all the way from your room, so he grabbed some headphones from his bedside table, plugging in his earbuds into his ears as the sounds of the girls moaned and talked dirty to each other. 

“You taste so fuckin’ good,” the girl that was doing the eating out said before she crawled her way up to the other’s body. 

And the slightest moment as Harry was watching, the girl on her back had shifted down a bit as they kissed, and Harry’s eyes flew wide open once he glanced. He saw the face that he wouldn’t have expected he would see. 

His roommate. His best friend. It was you. 

You were being eaten out on his computer screen by Daniela, and he was in complete shock. He honestly hadn’t expected to find you because it was just a random scroll through the site, but holy fuck. 

You hadn’t had your account for very long—maybe about three months. But you thought it was a good way to make some extra money because the bills were stacking up and they had to be paid off somehow. And you loved the idea of getting off in front of a camera for random strangers who pay to see that shit. 

And of course, Harry didn’t know you were a cam girl at all. He hadn’t seen that coming when he was looking for something to get off to. But he wasn’t complaining. He just didn’t expect you to be the one on the other side of the screen. But there you were, showing your body and having sex with someone on camera for the (as shown) 27 people watching who are also horny as fuck. 

You as a person are already beautiful, he knew that, but your body was something else. The way your tits were shown so clearly on his screen with your tattoo that was inked right next to your left tit; as the purple light hit your skin. He wanted to take them in his mouth and devour them. 

You were sprawled out onto the bed, naked as Daniela was kissing you, and he couldn’t stop looking at you as your face looked while kissing someone. He was in complete shock that he stopped stroking himself, his dick in his hands as he watched you two make out. But once his cock twitched from the sight of your ass sticking up, getting a view of your glistening pussy and ass, he continued. 

You flipped Daniela onto her back, making her squeal in surprise before you started kissing down her body, leaving small and sweet kisses to her soft skin. You took her nipples into your mouth, sucking on it lightly as she moaned. Once you were lying on your stomach between her legs, you gave her inner thighs a kiss before licking one long strike up her pussy. You generally loved the way girls taste rather than guys, so your mouth salivates more when you’re with women, eating them out and tasting them, and pleasuring them to their orgasm.

You tongue focused on her clit, licking her sensitive bud relentlessly as your arms were looped under her thighs, and your hand reached up to grab one of her breasts, taking her nipple in between your finger and lightly pulling it. 

“Oh, fuck,” she moaned. Her voice was much more high pitched than normal, but you think it’s hot as fuck. “Like that.” 

That encouraged you to continue sucking on her clit, and you brought your free hand to plunge two fingers into her wet pussy, curling up to meet the soft spot inside of her. Daniela’s back arched off the bed as her hair was spread out onto the pillow as she grabbed a fistful of your sheets into her hands. You pulled your mouth away from her to place your hand on her clit, rubbing it fast as you continue to finger fuck her. Daniela was an absolute mess above you, chanting that she was going to come as a way to manifest her orgasm. 

“C’mon, beautiful. Cum for me,” you encouraged her, the sound of your voice had made Daniela and Harry moan out with how sultry and seductive you sounded. Daniela’s peak washed over her as her hips bucked up, but you placed your arm on top of her thigh to stop her from moving as you calmed her down from her high. You licked her up once more, collecting her juices on your tongue before climbing up her body to connect your lips with her. Daniela could taste herself on you, and it turned her on even more despite just having an orgasm. 

Harry watched as you two kissed for a while. She wrapped her arms around your back, pressing her body against yours as you two made out, swirling your tongues together. Harry fondled his balls, intensifying the feeling before going back to stroke his cock. He gripped on his long hair with his other hand, so it felt like someone was in the room pulling his hair for him, and he closed his eyes. With the feeling of his orgasm coming, he was about ready to pump faster so he could get to his peak, but he heard your voice again. 

“I’m not done with you yet. Wanna cum again?” You asked her, and she nodded eagerly. “Want you to cum when I say so,” you told Daniela, and she nodded. Harry slowed his movements down as if he felt like you were personally talking to him, even though a lot of people on her live stream felt the way he did once she said those words. 

You fixed the laptop, pushing it back a little but still pointing it down to your bodies rather than your face. Giving Daniela a kiss, you situate yourself, putting one leg over her and the other under. You reach between you two, inserting your finger in her wet hole and bringing that wetness to her clit, and she does the same to you. 

Slowly moving closer to one another, you touch clits, rubbing it against each other as you two moaned out. The sounds coming from both of your mouths were loud enough that Harry had heard them from his room, and it genuinely felt like he was in the same room as he was also watching it on his screen. 

“Fuck, I wanna cum,” he groaned to himself. 

“You wanna cum?” You said, rubbing yourself on her and she whimpered out a ‘mhm,’ and you proceeded to grind faster. 

“Yeah, please let me,” Harry moaned. 

The feeling of both your wetness rubbing together was sending you over the edge as you felt like you were going to explode. Your moans had gotten louder, and you really hoped Harry was wearing some sort of headphones with loud music because you felt bad that you were being this loud, but you couldn’t help it. 

But little did you know that Harry was listening to everything. 

You felt like Daniela had waited long enough to release, so you grabbed her face gently, giving her a kiss. “Go ahead. Cum for me,” you said breathlessly as you were going to let go after she was done. 

Once Harry heard those words, he sighed in relief, letting out a loud groan as his orgasm was released onto his stomach. His abs clenched and his hips bucked into his hand. He grabbed a pillow and bit on it, concealing his moans as he came down from his high. With his chest heaving up and down, he looked over at his laptop to see you breathing deeply and he knew that you had just orgasmed as well. 

Your orgasms had hit both of you hard as you were left sprawled out on the bed, laying on opposite sides as your legs were still entangled with one another. Daniela sat up, pulling your body towards her, and she kissed you deeply, still feeling entirely breathless. 

“God, you’re amazing,” she said against your lips, and you smiled into the kiss. The live stream was still going on, so Harry continued watching you two interact with one another post orgasm. “Kinda wanna use that dildo of yours on you,” she smirked, and you chuckled, nodding your head eagerly. 

“Like a threesome, but with a dildo,” you joked, and she laughed. 

“Maybe we should have one?” 

“What? A threesome?” You asked, pulling back, and she nodded her head and shrugged her shoulders. 

“Yeah, why not?” 

“With who?” 

Just on cue, a knock was heard on your door quite loud, making you and Daniela turn your heads towards the door. Before you even had the chance to even get up, the door opened, revealing Harry in just his boxers. You couldn’t help but look down at his crotch area and see his cock hard. 

“Done with the show ladies?” He asked, smirking. The two of you were still completely naked, but neither of you cared to make an effort to cover yourselves. 

“W-What?” You stuttered and looked at Daniela as she had no clue what was going on either. 

“Watched your live stream,” he finally said, and your eyes widened. 

“How did you find it?” You asked, moving towards the edge of the bed, and Daniela stayed behind near the headboard. 

“By coincidence, I swear,” he said, walking towards you. “Was just scrolling and I was horny as fuck, and I stumbled upon it.” 

“D-Did you like it?” A nervous tone came with your words, and it was strange because you’ve never been nervous with Harry, except the time you came out to him. A huge part of you wanted him to say he liked it and that he enjoyed the show, and you really hoped he did. 

He stood in between your legs and looked down at you as you looked up. The sight below him was just something that irked him; you looking up at him with wide eyes, acting innocent and him looking down at you with a raging hard on, begging to be touched by you and your mouth. He placed his hands on both sides of your face, caressing your warm cheek as he studied you for a moment. The smear of mascara that laid under your eyes and your flushed cheeks made his cock twitch. 

Just from watching your live stream, he noticed that you were quite dominant in bed with girls. But with how you’re looking at him, wanting validation and reassurance from him, you’re submissive with men (or just him in general).

His stare was intimidating, and the dark purple light illuminating your room didn’t help. He’s never seen you naked and bare, so that added to the stress of if he likes what he sees. But you were surprised that you didn’t want to cover up in front of him. Throughout the years of being best friends and roommates, you two have never fucked. Although you have kissed multiple times, it was purely platonic and sometimes you just needed a kiss every once in a while. And as your best friend, Harry was happy to help. 

“Of course I fucking loved it. Wanna know my favorite part?” You smiled softly, nodding slowly as you looked at him with big and innocent eyes. He bent down, matching your eye level before he whispered, “Well, first of all you, of course. Looked so damn beautiful, I swear.” You blushed, and he continued. “But the part when Daniela suggested a threesome just a minute ago. If you and her are up with me being a plus one, then I am. Your wish is my command,” he said softly, kissing your nose.

Daniela gasped behind you, a big smile on her face as she crawled to the edge of the bed, wrapping her arms around your waist and kissed your shoulder before she spoke. 

“Well, looks like we’re gonna have a lot of fucking fun.” 

[crystalwolfblog]

I Can’t Sleep Without You || Ivar x reader || Modern

This is my fic created for @ofmanderley’s writing challenge. My prompt was: It's 4:03 and I can't sleep without you next to me.

First of all I need to apologize because I am SUPER late with my work but life was kinda crazy and writing block wasn’t kind! 

Hope you will like it!

Being with Ivar Ragnarsson wasn't an easy task to perform. He was a man of a short temper; he could be cruel and mean but thankfully for him you were out of the reach of his anger. Ivar always did his best to keep his raging nerves away from you. For him, you were his little treasure, a lovely woman who was patient enough to even try to form any kind of relationship with him.

You got used to this life and no matter what everyone said, you stayed by his side.

Of course you didn't do this because Ivar forced you or blackmailed you. The love towards this man was simply too strong within you.

After two years of being together you learned that behind that huge, thick wall he built around himself was a suffering, lonely man that craved to be loved.

____________________________

There was one thing you loved to do right after work - paying a visit in the local cafe. It was a quiet, little, cozy place. You sat at your favourite table and placed your usual order - a cup of coffee and a piece of pie.

Last thing you expected that day was to see a familiar face.

"Y/N, I didn't expect to see you here," Bjørn smiled, sitting in the chair right in front of you.

"Hi, Bjørn," you greeted him, returning the smile. "How are you doing?"

Eldest Ragnarsson nodded. "Oh, I am doing just fine. Since I have a break at work, I decided to get myself a coffee and something sweet."

____________________________

"So, when do you have this big game of yours?," Ubbe asked, looking into his phone.

"Seriously? I am going on and on about it for weeks now. It's this weekend, Saturday to be exact," Hvitserk rolled his eyes; he grew annoyed by repeating himself on and on.

"Forgive him. I guess the family takes a lot out of our dear brother," Ivar chuckled.

All three of them walked down the street.

It was the first time in months when they could just meet and go out. Even if they didn't plan anything crazy, it still was nice to get reunited.

"I at least have a family, Ivar. You and Y/N could think about it as well," Ubbe shrugged, placing the phone back in his pocket. "Mother is still talking about it."

"Mother will talk. We both feel comfortable with how things are for now. I am not pushing her and she is not pushing me, to anything. We just live the best of our lives and we both are happy about that," Ivar answered, nodding.

"I mean, that's sound fair," Hvitserk commented.

Boys quickly changed the subject to something far way interesting to talk about. They walked  lively as they talked about some stuff.

The nice atmosphere lasted until Hvitserk stopped in front of a little cafe. Through the cafe's big window he spotted a familiar person, actually two to be exact.

You were sitting there, talking with Bjørn and giggling like a schoolgirl.

"Yo, Ivar? Isn't it Y/N?”

Ubbe and Ivar looked over their shoulders, and then joined Hvitserk.

Ivar frowned as soon as he spotted you.

Of course you going out wasn't a problem for him, you were a free woman after all but meeting with Bjørn? Out of all the people?! Fucking Bjørn. What else?! Maybe you were doing it regularly behind his back?

"I am going back home. Whatever idea you two had, go without me, I’m passing," crippled, young man muttered, tightening the grip on his crutch.

There was no reason to argue with Ivar at that point. They could see that he was pissed and arguing with angry Ivar was like teasing a bull with a red cape, it was the last thing they really needed that day or ever.

Ubbe and Hvitserk just shook their heads and then slowly walked away.

____________________________

You had no idea how long you sat there but you couldn't help it. Talking with Bjørn was really captivating. While listening to one of his stories you looked at your watch. "Oh, my! Bjørn, I am so sorry but I should go. I still have plans."

Bjørn looked at you and nodded slowly. “Yeah, sure. It was really nice to see you."

"Same! We need to meet up one day. Bye!," You quickly paid and left the cafe.

____________________________

The walk home was calm, you even texted Ivar that you are on the way back but for some reason he didn't respond. Maybe this should be a red flag but you shrugged it off, he probably was still with his brothers.

You didn't expect to see him in the flat. He was sitting on the couch, tapping his fingers angrily. It was more than obvious that he was mad.

"Love? Did something happen?," You asked, taking your jacket off.

"I don't know. You tell me, love."

Walking into the living room you looked at him with confusion written on your face. At this point you had no idea what he meant.

"What? You gonna stand there and make a fool out of me? You thought I won't find you? I wonder how long you go behind my back!,” Ivar growled, getting up from the couch.

Then it suddenly hit you. Did he see you in the cafe? After all he was out with Hvitserk and Ubbe, so there was a slight chance he did.

"Ivar. It's not like that. I was in a cafe and Bjørn just happened to be there as well."

"He? Happened to be there?," Ivar chuckled darkly. "You are blind, stupid or both!"

His behaviour was getting out of hand  but his accusations were too much for you to handle.

"Excuse me? Watch your words, Ivar."

"Me?! Watch my words?! These are words of truth! He was following you those fucking eyes ever since I brought you home for the first time. Ever since that day he accidentally happened to be in places that you are!," Ivar growled, shaking his head. "Of course you had to fall for this. What's next?! Are you gonna fuck him? Or Maybe Hvitserk?”

You went silent. How could he even have thought about something like that? He was hard to live with but you would never cheat on him, no matter how moody or annoying he was. His words cut you deeply.

The lack of response meant as much as a yes for him.

"Fuck it. I am leaving, no idea when I will be back," Ivar muttered and walked to a hanger to grab his jacket before leaving.

The door slammed loudly that you literally jumped in the place.

____________________________

House without Ivar seemed empty.

Maybe it was stupind to miss him after this argument but you couldn't help it. You really loved that man, no matter how moody he was. Even if it was hard to love him, you knew that he was different deep inside.

Laying in bed alone was odd, without his body next to yours. He always was there, mostly complaining about his legs or just talking about his day and how annoying his brothers were.

Sighing, you took his pillow and hugged it tightly, you wanted him back but he needed time to cool down. Looking at the clock helped you realize how sleepless your night was. It was almost morning.

____________________________

Ivar also couldn't sleep. He just lied in bed, smoking and looking into the ceiling. Aslaug would prabobly murder him for smoking inside the house but he didn't care, it's not like she would kick her crippled son out of the house.

Puffing out the smoke he watched it disappearing in the air.

He already missed you, so fucking much. Ivar looked at the bedside table and grabbed his phone to check the time.

____________________________

Trying to get some sleep, you laid on the bed, with eyes closed and Ivar's pillow under your head.

Suddenly, your phone buzzed.

You sat up and grabbed it; maybe it was Hvitserk? Or Ubbe? Maybe Aslaug? Maybe something happened to Ivar? You simply had to know.

To your own surprise, it was text from Ivar himself.

Ivar ❤️😈: It's 4:03 and I can't sleep without you next to me.

Chuckling, you felt the wave of relief washing over you. He was alive.

You: I can say the same. Where are you?

Ivar ❤️😈: I am at my parent's house.

You: I am happy that you are safe.

Meantime Ivar blonked looking at the screen. You were happy he was safe? You were worried about him.

Ivar ❤️😈: Were you worried?

You: Of course I was, dummy. I am always worried. Listen, I just want you to know that I don't care about Bjørn. All I care about is you, Ivar. Always and forever.

He looked at the text. You didn't have a reason to hurt him in any way, you always were patient with him. Even when he was a total asshole. No matter if the day was regular or filled with pain, you just were there for him.

Maybe the fear of losing you just clouded his judgement? Bjørn wasn't like him, he was a strong and healthy man when he was just a cripple. Who the hell would pick a cripple over a healthy man?!

He was jealous and scared but it was time to fix it.

____________________________

You waited at the message but nothing came. Maybe he just fell asleep or didn't care about your empty (for him at least) arguments. After giving him fifteen minutes, you send another text to make sure he is okay, and surprisingly you heard the sound of the SMS notification in the flat.

Ivar opened the door to your shared bedroom and rested his weight on the crutch, looking at you. Without any word he walked to the bed and sat down. He removed his braces, clothes, and soon you were wrapped in a tight hug.

"I am sorry," Ivar whispered.

You nuzzled to him. "It's fine."

"It's not, Y/N. I hurt you... All because of my insecurities. I was furious, he is Bjørn, big, strong, healthy. I am none of that, and you are beautiful, special. You deserve better,``he muttered, nuzzling to you.

While listening to him, you undone his bun and moved your hand through his hair. "Silly! I love you. I love you so much, no matter what. You are hard to deal with sometimes, that’s true but I still love you."

"You are too good to me, you know that?”

Giggling, you gently pulled on his hair, earning a soft growl from him. "You should be grateful and not point it out," you kissed his forehead. "We should get some sleep."

Ivar nodded, hugging you tightly. "Yeah, you are right."

Soon, both of you fell asleep, embracing each other tightly.

____________________________

[tails89]

Are you still taking prompts? I was thinking about a 5+1 Buddie or a domestic. Thank you so much 🏵️

Thanks for the ask! I went with domestic for this one 😄

Send me a bingo prompt

You can also read this on AO3

~~~

“Hey kiddo.” Eddie holds the door open while Chris climbs up into the car. “How was school?”

“It was good.” Chris settles in his seat and waits for his dad to climb in behind the steering wheel. “We all got seeds in science. We planted them to see how they grow. I can’t wait to see what my plants are.”

He goes quiet, and when Eddie glances up at the rear-view mirror he can see Chris's reflection, staring out the window, deep in thought.

“Hey, dad?”

“Yeah buddy?”

“Do you think we could have a garden at home?”

Eddie pulls a face remembering the plant Pepa had given him as a house warming gift when they first moved to LA. She’d called it low-maintenance, insisting that even Eddie couldn’t kill it but by the time he’d finished unpacking the plant had been black and crumbling.

“Dad?”

“I don’t have much of a green thumb,” he admits.

“Oh, yeah.” Chris frowns. “You kill everything.”

“Hey, not everything!”

Chris gives a little sigh and goes back to staring out his window.

“Oh.” He brightens, straightening in his seat. “Maybe Buck can help us.”

“You’ll have to ask him,” Eddie says. Knowing Buck, the answer will be a resounding yes. It seems he’ll take any excuse to come over and hang out with Chris, which works for Eddie because he’ll use any excuse to invite Buck over.

It’s almost embarrassing, to be crushing on someone this hard. Eddie’s an adult, not some lovesick teenager. He shouldn’t be getting butterflies at the thought of seeing Buck.

“Can we ring him when we get home?” Chris asks.

“Buck’s working kiddo, but I’ll send him a text and see if he’s free on the weekend.”

~

Buck is so completely in, because of course he is and Eddie falls just a little bit more in love with him.

Eddie is woken early on Saturday morning by the sounds of movement in the house and the loud beep of the coffee maker. He pads out to the kitchen to find Buck, pulling things from cupboards to make breakfast.

“I gave you a key for emergencies, Buck.”

“Your cooking is an emergency,” Buck calls back to him moving to the fridge and peering inside. “You have eggs, right?” His head disappears behind the door. “Found ‘em.”

Eddie leans against the doorframe and watches Buck move around the kitchen with ease. He doesn’t need to ask where everything is kept having spent enough time in there already.

He stands with his back to the doorway, cracking eggs into a bowl. Eddie wants to go to him, to wrap his arms around his waist and hook his chin over Buck’s shoulder.

He shakes off the mental image and steps into the room.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like?” Buck turns to look at him, rolling his eyes and fixing Eddie with a fond smile.  “I’m making breakfast.”

Eddie has nothing to say to that. He’s certainly not going to try and argue when the alternative to Buck making breakfast is whatever cereal he can find in the cupboard.

He makes a vague ‘go ahead’ motion with his hand and sets about making coffee for them both, sliding one mug along the counter towards Buck before taking a seat at the table.

“Buck!” Chris appears in the doorway, one hand on the wall for balance. “What are you doing here?” He rushes up to Buck, wrapping his arms around the firefighter.

Eddie hides a snort behind his coffee mug at Buck’s over the top pout. “Don’t tell me you’ve already forgotten.”

“Oh, the garden!” Chris’s face lights up in joy. “You’re still going to help right?”

“Of course I am,” Buck reassures him. “Our garden is going to be amazing. You just need to promise not to let your dad touch it.”

“Because it will die?”

Buck nods sagely. “Because it will die.”

“Hey.” Eddie reaches with his foot to poke Buck in the leg. “What is this? Roast Eddie day?”

“Are you going to deny it?” Buck asks, whipping back around to face Eddie. There’s an easy grin on his face and he’s laughing as he shoos Chris away from the stove top. It makes Eddie feel giddy with affection and he has to look away before he’s caught staring at Buck’s lips.

~

After breakfast Buck takes Chris outside. They stand side-by-side on the barren back lawn to check out what they’re working with.

Eddie watches shamelessly from the kitchen while he washes up. There’s something about the easy way Buck interacts with Chris that makes his heart pound in his chest. With the window open he can hear them both talking as they make their plans.

“What are you thinking, boss?” Buck has his phone out, tapping away as Chris makes suggestions.

“We should have a vegetable garden next to the house,” Chris says, pointing.

“Vegetable garden?” Buck teases. “Since when do you eat your vegetables?”

“I like some vegetables,” Chris argues.

“Yeah, like what?”

“Carrots—”

“That’s one.”

“And tomatoes.”

“Okay.” Buck taps his phone against his leg, brow knit in thought. “Oh, what about strawberries?”

Chris nods. “I like those.”

“It’s a start,” Buck tells him, writing it down. He glances up, meeting Eddie’s gaze through the window. “You want to come to the hardware store with us?”

“What for?” Eddie asks, opening the window fully.

“Well, do you own a shovel?” Buck asks. “And we’ll need a hose or watering can, soil--"

“There’s plenty of dirt out there,” Eddie says, waving his arm vaguely.

Buck laughs. “And that right there is why Chris is in charge of the garden,” he says. He ducks down to whisper something to Chris. Eddie doesn’t hear it but, judging from the smothered giggles, that’s probably for the best.

“Sure, I’ll come,” Eddie tells them, thinking at least if he goes with them, they can’t tease him behind his back.

~

They tease him to his face, loudly and with no remorse.

Eddie doesn’t mind. Their excitement is infectious and he can’t help getting swept up in it.

They leave the store with more tools than Eddie knows what to do with. He wouldn’t even know the names of half the things that end up in their cart, let alone what they’re used for. Still, Chris and Buck seem happy with their purchases and that’s enough for Eddie.

He leaves them to it once they get back to the house. It’s been made very clear that his help is not needed and Eddie has enough to do inside.

The life of a single parent means there are always chores to do around the house, but then Eddie will hear a laugh—Chris or Buck—and his attention will be pulled back out to the yard.

Eddie holds out for another hour before giving up the pretence of being busy inside. The day is warming up, so he stops by the kitchen to grab Chris's water bottle and fills another for Buck before heading out.

“How’s everything going out here?” He hands Chris his water and tosses the other bottle to Buck. “No ones chopped off any important body parts?”

“We’re making good progress, right Chris?” Buck takes a long drink. He caps the water bottle, dropping it in the grass. “Hopefully we’re done before it gets too hot.”

In one quick movement, Buck pulls his shirt up over his head, using it to wipe the sweat from his face before letting it drop to the ground.

Eddie should look away, should look anywhere other than at Buck. But with that one simple action Eddie has lost all capacity for rational thought.  

“Uh...” He manages to tear his gaze away, but doesn’t miss the knowing smirk that tugs on Buck’s lips. He files that observation away to overthink about later. “You’re not overworking Buck are you?” He asks Chris, latching onto his son for a distraction.

“No.” Chris digs holes in the fresh dark soil. “Buck dug up the grass but I helped spread out the dirt and he said I could decide where the plants go.”

“Oh, so Buck is overworking you then?”

Chris grins and continues digging.

“I guess I’ll leave you both to it then,” Eddie tells them, but he doesn’t head back inside. It’s a nice day, and even if they don’t want his help Eddie is content to sit on the sideline and watch while Chris carefully decides where to put each plant they bought.

~

They spend most of the day outside, pausing only to eat lunch.

When they’re done, Eddie sends Chris to have a bath and then offers Buck the use of the shower. While the water is running, Eddie looks through his closet for a pair of shorts and a t-shirt that will fit Buck, leaving them outside the bathroom.

Once everyone is clean, Eddie orders pizza. It’s not quite dinner time, but he can see Chris probably isn’t going to last much longer.

He’s guesses correctly. Chris crashes out on the couch halfway through the movie he picked to watch while eating. There’s still a slice of pizza on his plate.

“I think you broke him,” Eddie teases. He pokes Chris gently on the arm but his kid doesn’t even stir. “You completely wore him out.”

“More like he wore me out.” Buck blinks sleepily across at Eddie. “This gardening business is hard work.”

“You can crash here if you want,” Eddie offers. “You can drive home in the morning when you’re not so tired.”

“Mm, thanks,” Buck mumbles around a yawn.

Standing, Eddie scoops Chris up into his arms. The boy is all limbs and he realises with a start that soon his kid is going to be too big for this.

“Give me a minute to put Chris to bed, and I’ll grab you a blanket from my room.”

Buck doesn’t say anything. His eyes are closed, his head tipped forward, chin propped on his hand.

Eddie quickly tucks Chris into bed then goes to his room, rifling around for the blanket Buck usually borrows when he stays the night.

Buck hasn’t moved from his spot when Eddie returns to the living room. He lingers in the doorway, his eyes drawn to Buck’s sleep rumpled hair then down to the sliver of skin revealed where his shirt is riding up.

“I can feel you staring.”

Eddie flinches in surprise.

“Sorry,” he mutters, moving over to the couch to hand Buck the blanket.

“’s okay.” A sleepy smile pulls at Buck’s lips. “You do it a lot.”

That stops Eddie in his tracks.

“You, uh, noticed that, did you?”

The smile pulls wider. “I always notice you Eddie.”

Eddie’s mouth goes dry. “You do?”

Buck opens his eyes, his gaze fixing on Eddie’s with an intensity that steals Eddies breath.

“Always.”

Eddie licks his lips, trying to draw some moisture back into his mouth. His heart pounds at the idea of what he’s about to say.

“You know, my bed is much more comfortable than the couch.” He offers Buck his hand to pull him to his feet. “Just sleep,” he adds quickly. “But maybe in the morning we could talk about... more...”

Buck nods slowly, more awake now. “I’d like that,” he says. “More. If that’s what you want?” He accepts Eddie’s hand, rising from the couch.

“I want everything with you.”

[dottielovegood]

ASMR - Chapter 4

Elriel fanfiction

About this fic:

Azriel can’t sleep Elain has an ASMR channel Match made in heaven (or you know, on youtube..)

_______________________________________

You can find chapter 1 here, chapter 2 here and chapter 3 here

Read this fic on AO3

_______________________________________

The following week, Azriel read Elain’s messages too many times to admit. He had answered her that “meat banjo” was, indeed, a vile word, and after that, they hadn’t really talked or texted.

He had saved her number as “Elain”, which had felt weirdly private. As if they were friends, which they were not. He was just her friendly helper, and she was his remedy for nightmares.

However, even though they didn’t know each other, Azriel felt an odd sensation in his chest when he thought about her. If he didn’t know better, he would have thought that he was missing her, which was absurd. But the tight little knot in his chest felt very much like longing. He tried to tell himself that this was weird and stupid. He knew that he had a crush on her (even though he hated to admit it), but he could also see that it was a pointless crush. She was an internet sensation, he was a boring IT guy. She was light and happiness and flowers, he was dark and brooding. She made people smile, he made people uncomfortable. And then there was the practical side of things. They had met on the internet. She probably lived on the other side of the country. Hell, she could even live in a different country for all he knew. She might have a partner already - it’s not like he asked. And, last but not least, she probably didn’t have a crush on him.

Before talking to her on the phone, he had just thought that she was a pretty girl that deserved kindness. But after their phone call, he had definitely developed a crush. Which was another reason why he hadn’t texted her. He didn’t want to bother her and he didn’t want to have this crush. He wanted to stop feeling like this for a girl he would never see in real life. Yet, every night before bed, he found himself on her youtube page, watching one of her many videos.

She uploaded a new video to Youtube every Friday, so when Friday came around, Azriel was itching to get home so he could go to sleep (he told himself that he was looking forward to sleeping and not to seeing her face).

However, he had an entire workday to get through first. The office was mostly an open landscape and Azriel’s desk was next to Cassian’s. The only person with his own office was Rhysand, which was fair since he was the owner of the company. At two in the afternoon, Rhys poked his head out of his office.

“You guys are still coming for dinner this weekend, right?”

“Yeah,” Azriel and Cassian answered in unison.

“I told Feyre that I would help her with the food,” Azriel continued.

Rhys looked like he was going to kiss Azriel. “Oh, god. Thank you, man. I was scared that we would have to repeat the Christmas dinner,” he said and shuddered.

Feyre hated to cook and Rhys did most of the cooking at home, but for some inexplicable reason, she always wanted to cook for holidays or family dinners. To everyone’s dismay. Christmas had been no exception. She had burned the turkey, added salt instead of sugar to the dessert and somehow managed to buy the wrong berries for her cranberry sauce. Luckily, Rhys had been prepared and bought a few frozen pizzas and some ice cream, so the day wasn’t that much of a disaster, but nobody wanted to brave Feyre’s cooking again.

“Why don’t you just cook?” Cassian asked without looking up from his screen.

“You know that she kicks me out if I so much as go near the kitchen when we have these family dinners. And since she started the hormone treatment, she has been a bit bitchy when she gets mad, so I’ll just do whatever she says.”

Azriel chuckled. He could tell from Rhysand’s tone that Feyre had been more than “a bit” bitchy.

“I don’t understand why she lets Azriel help, though…”

“Maybe because she knows that I’ll tell her to sit down with a glass of wine and a magazine, and then she can take all of the credit for the food?”

“Fair enough.” Rhys shrugged. “Just burn the food a little bit, or it won’t be believable.”

Cassian snorted. “No one would believe that something edible was made by your wife. Sorry.”

“She does make a great green smoothie, though,” Rhys grinned and held up his glass.

Azriel and Cassian looked at each other and had to bite their tongues to keep from laughing. The smoothie looked vile and smelled even worse.

After a few more minutes of small talk, Rhys went back to his office for an important phone call. “See you on Saturday,” he reminded them before closing the door.

Azriel and Cassian worked in silence for the remainder of the day.

When Azriel came home that evening, he made a quick pasta carbonara to eat in front of the TV. He was re-watching New Girl. It was his comfort show and absolutely nobody knew that he watched it (and had watched it multiple times). He would take that information with him to the grave. But it was fun and cute and sometimes he liked to imagine his friends as characters in the show. Cassian was probably Schmidt, because Nesta was one hundred percent Cece. Feyre was Jess, which meant that Rhys was Nick. And then there was Azriel. He wanted to say that he was a very cool character, but most characters on this show weren’t cool, and also, he was definitely Winston. Alone with a cat - sounds about right , Azriel thought to himself as he finished his bowl of pasta.

When the episode ended he just waited for the next to start. He didn’t have any plans for the night and nowhere to be. His phone vibrated where he had left it on the kitchen counter. He ignored it, feeling too lazy to get up. But then it vibrated again. With a sigh, he got up. He expected to see a text from Mor telling him to bring wine tomorrow, or maybe a strange meme from Cassian. What he didn’t expect was to see Elain’s name on his screen.

He could feel his heart in his throat as he read her messages.

Elain Hey, Shadowsinger. I’m uploading a new video soon. You should watch it!

Elain I hope that message didn’t sound creepy? I just meant that I think you might like it.

Azriel’s hands were sweaty.

Azriel You didn’t sound creepy at all. Of course, I’ll watch your video. May I ask what I can expect from it?

Just seconds later, Elain answered.

Elain You can ask, but I might not tell ;)

Azriel Should I be worried?

Elain Haha, no! I think it turned out great. You were my inspiration :)

Azriel could feel himself blush. He had never been someone’s inspiration before.

Azriel So, I’m your muse? ;)

Oh god, was that too flirty? Was the winky-face too much? He wished that he could take back the message.

Elain For tonight, yes!

Azriel stared at his phone, unsure of what to answer. Luckily, Elain wrote to him again.

Elain What are you doing tonight?

Azriel Nothing. Just eating pasta and watching TV. How about you?

Elain That sounds amazing. I have been editing this video for hours so I’m just tired and cranky, haha. I have just ordered a pizza and I think I’ll just eat it in bed as soon as this video has finished uploading. What did you watch?

Azriel If I told you, I would have to kill you.

Elain Oh, intriguing! Is it trashy drama? I bet it’s Grey’s anatomy! Or maybe… Love Island?

Azriel stared at his phone. Did she really think that he would watch something like Love Island?

Azriel I watched New Girl, okay. Don’t tell anyone.

Elain Your secret is safe with me! Also, I love New Girl! Especially Winston!

It felt as if someone was squeezing Azriel’s heart.

Azriel Really? Which character would you be?

Elain My pizza is here so I am going to put all of my electronics in a different room and eat my pizza while reading a good book. It was great talking to you, Azriel! Please tell me what you thought of the video when you have watched it.

Elain Oh, and I would probably be Winston’s cat. lol

Azriel almost dropped his phone. If he had to be alone with a cat for the rest of his life, he would definitely want Elain to be his cat , he thought to himself. Which was a weird thing to think about someone you didn’t know. Azriel dropped his head to his kitchen counter and took a deep breath before replying.

Azriel It was great talking to you too, Elain. Enjoy your dinner and your book :)

She didn’t answer, but she didn’t have to. Azriel was going to be thinking about her for the rest of the night anyway.

30 minutes later, he got a notification telling him that Flower Girl ASMR had uploaded a new video. The video was called “ASMR for IT-guys”, which made him chuckle. He clicked the video and Elain’s beautiful face filled his screen again.

“Hello, my lovelies, lovelies, lovelies,” she whispered in her microphone. “This week’s video will be a bit different,” she continued, slowly moving her hands in front of the camera. “This video was inspired by my friend who recently helped me with some computer-related issues, issues, issues.”

Azriel loved it when she repeated words like that. And he liked that he somehow was a part of this video. It was something that connected them. Azriel paused the video and got into bed, knowing fully well that he would probably fall asleep soon if he kept watching this.

He pressed play again. “So, today, I thought that we would try a few computer-related triggers. I have a keyboard here,” she said and started typing on a keyboard that was out of view. “I thought that I would say a few trigger words while typing them.”

She smiled at the camera and pressed a few more keys. “I just wrote my friend’s name, but you won’t get to know who he is. But you know who you are. Thank you for your help!”

Azriel felt all warm inside.

She continued the video. “The first trigger word is IP address ”. Azriel laughed as she repeated the word multiple times while typing quickly.

“And then we have, laptop, laptop, laptop,” she continued, and Azriel felt shivers go down his spine when she popped the p’s.

Azriel had never thought that he would fall asleep to someone whispering “HTML coding” in his ears, but here he was. Relaxed and ready to sleep.

All thanks to Flower Girl ASMR.

━━━━━━༻❁༺━━━━━━

The next day, Azriel texted Elain that he had loved the video. He waited for hours, but no reply came. Maybe she just wanted to repay me for helping her? Azriel thought. Maybe she would stop talking to him now that he had seen the video.

The thought of never talking to Elain again made him feel a new kind of ache in his chest. An ache he didn’t want to feel. This stupid crush needs to end, he muttered to himself as he started to scrub his kitchen counter. He tried to ignore the feeling by keeping busy. He cleaned his apartment and did some laundry before heading over to his friends’ house.

Rhys greeted him by the door and ushered him inside.

“She started cooking like 15 minutes ago, please save whatever can be saved,” he whispered to Azriel. Azriel chuckled and made his way to the kitchen. On the way there, he passed the living room and stopped to greet his friends. He saw most of them on a daily basis because of work, but he was still happy to see them. Cassian and his fiancée Nesta sat close together on one of the green velvet couches. On the opposite couch sat Mor and Amren. Mor was one of the journalists at Velaris News, and Amren was an editor. They had known each other for years. Amren and Rhys had studied together at university, and Mor was Rhysand’s cousin. Once upon a time, Azriel had a crush on Mor. One night after one too many glasses at Rita’s he confessed his feelings to her and she had looked horrified. He had expected her to tell him that she didn’t fancy him and leave it at that, but instead, she had blurted “I like girls!”

Azriel was the first person she ever came out to, and he had felt honored. He also knew now that they wouldn’t have worked out together in the long run (even if Mor had been straight). They were just too different. She was energetic and outgoing and fun, he needed peace and quiet. But she was still one of his very best friends.

Amren on the other hand, he didn’t know as well. She had always been very private, but she was damn good at her job.

“Where’s Varian tonight?” Azriel asked Amren, trying to make small talk.

“How should I know?” she answered quickly. “I’m not his mother.”

Cassian stared at her. “But you are his girlfriend?”

She shrugged. “I don’t like to label things.”

Nesta rolled her eyes. Amren had lived with Varian for the past two years, but she was still reluctant to tell anyone about their relationship.

Azriel made his way into the kitchen, and from what he could tell, he made it just in time.

“What are you making, Feyre?” he asked, because truthfully, he couldn’t tell.

Feyre turned around quickly as if he had startled her. “Oh, hi Az,” she said and wiped her forehead with the back of her hand.

Something was burning.

“I was trying to make lamb chops with glazed carrots, roasted potatoes, and salsa verde, but…” she gestured to the stove, which looked like a disaster.

Azriel chuckled. “That’s ambitious.” He lifted the lid from one of the pots and could clearly see that she had overcooked the lamb 10 minutes ago. Also, why had she made them in a pot, and not a frying pan? It would be inedible.

The potatoes were still in the sink, unpeeled.

She gave him a strained smile. “Will you help me?”

“Of course.” Azriel put the grocery bag he had brought with him on the kitchen island. “On one condition.”

“Anything.” She sounded desperate.

“Please, for the love of god, let Rhys cook when we come over. You really don’t have to show off. You are good at many things, Feyre. But cooking is unfortunately not one of them.”

She nodded. “I know,” she sat down on one of the stools at the kitchen island and buried her face in her hand. “I just...I need to be able to cook when I become a mother.”

Azriel took her hand in his. “You really don’t. Nobody expect fathers to be good at cooking, so why should every mother be good at it? Honestly, just let Rhys cook while you play with the kids.”

She smiled at him. “That actually sounds amazing,” she sighed.

“Right?”

Azriel started to pull out some ingredients from the bag on the kitchen island. He held up the tomatoes and the spaghetti, “How about some pasta arrabbiata with burrata?”

“Sounds fancy.”

He shrugged. “Everything sounds fancier in a different language. It’s just pasta with a spicy tomato sauce, and burrata on top.”

“Whatever you make will probably be better than that mess,” she said and glanced towards the stove. Azriel couldn’t disagree.

“Probably,” he laughed and got to work. Azriel placed all the pots and pans in the sink and started chopping the vegetables for the sauce, and in just 30 minutes, dinner was served.

“You are my hero,” Feyre said and kissed his cheek as she carried the big bowl of pasta to the dining room.

Everyone had already gathered around the table, wine glasses in hand. As Azriel sat down, Mor poured him some wine.

“This looks amazing,” Nesta said and Cassian nodded in agreement.

“Thanks, Az helped a little,” Feyre said and winked at Azriel.

“Just a bit,” Azriel said and took a sip of wine.

The conversation (and wine) flowed freely, as it always did. Cassian and Nesta told them about their wedding plans, Mor gushed about Emerie, a girl she was dating, and Feyre told them about life as a high school art teacher. Azriel would never understand how anyone could choose to spend their days with teenagers, but Feyre loved it.

After two bottles of wine, Nesta and Mor were in an argument about which animal was the cutest.

“No, I am telling you, Sloths are cuter than any animal ever,” Mor exclaimed. “Have you seen their dopey little faces?”

“Sloths? Really?” Nesta looked at her as if she had suggested that the sky was green. “Red pandas are way cuter! They are cute and cuddly, Sloths just look like every single stoner I went to high school with.”

They had been at it for 10 minutes, which Azriel found to be quite impressive.

“Can you both just shut up?” Amren gritted out. “The cutest animals are koalas. They’re even cute when they fight. I am right, you are wrong. Please stop this meaningless discussion before I die from boredom.”

Nesta and Mor looked at Amren, and then at each other.

“We obviously have to see Koalas fight if you want us to end this conversation,” Mor said.

Nesta nodded. “Obviously. Give me your phone, Az,” she said and reached for his phone.

“Why do you need my phone?”

“Because mine is dead and yours is right there on the table. Also, your screen is big and we need to watch this in full HD, for obvious reasons.”

Azriel huffed a laugh, unlocked his phone, and handed it to Nesta.

She clicked the Youtube app, and then her face fell. She looked at Azriel as if he was an alien, and then she showed the phone to Cassian who looked at him with the same facial expression.

What the hell had they found?

He didn’t have anything weird on his phone. And he sure as hell didn’t watch porn on it.

“What?” Azriel asked, and Nesta turned the phone.

Fuck. The last video he had watched was still loaded on Youtube, and of course, it was Elain’s latest video.

“What the hell is this?” Nesta asked, almost looking angry.

Azriel didn’t understand why she found ASMR so wrong, but he desperately wanted to explain himself.

“Well, it’s ASMR. It’s kind of… well, it’s hard to explain, but it helps me sleep and– “

Nesta interrupted him before he could finish. “I know what ASMR is. I am wondering why you are watching Elain?”

Azriel stared at Nesta in shock. Did she also like Elain’s videos? But that wouldn’t explain the anger and confusion.

“Do you...know her?” Azriel asked.

“Yes, we went to university together. She’s our florist for the wedding. She was the florist at their wedding, too,” Nesta answered and gestured towards Rhys and Feyre. “Surely you have met her?”

Azriel could do nothing but shake his head in confusion. If he had ever met Elain, he would have known. You didn’t forget a face like hers.

“Please tell me you’re not stalking her like some creep, Az. Honestly, her last boyfriend was the world’s biggest asshat.”

“I’m not stalking her,” Azriel blurted out. “I’m just watching her videos to fall asleep, I promise. I– I didn’t know that you knew her.”

Nesta eyed him suspiciously. “So, is this just a coincidence?”

He nodded. “Weirder things have happened,” he said, trying to lighten the mood.

Nesta glanced at Cassian, and then back at Azriel. “Fine,” she said after a small eternity. “You would probably be cute together anyway. Sorry for insinuating that you would be a stalker.” She really did look remorseful. “That wasn’t fair. I’m just very protective of her. She’s the nicest girl, but she has horrendous taste in men.”

Azriel couldn’t answer, because his mind was still stuck on the fact that Nesta said that they would be cute together. He wanted to ask Nesta why she thought that. He kind of also wanted to ask her if Elain lived here in Velaris, and what her favorite movie was, and if she, by any chance, had a boyfriend. But he refrained, he didn’t want to sound like a stalker.

“So, what the fuck is ASMR?” Cassian asked. “Is it like porn?”

Before Azriel could answer, Rhys said “It’s like porn for your ears, I guess,” and then the entire table was laughing.

“Nesta,” Feyre said when the laughter had died down. “Does Elain still have that cute, little shop on River Street?”

“Mhm,” Nesta answered and took a sip of her wine.

Azriel could kiss Feyre for asking. And if he wasn’t mistaken, he could see her wink in his direction before raising her water glass to her lips.

Azriel walked home that evening with a million thoughts in his head.

He made a list in his head:

Elain lived in Velaris

River Street was literally a 10-minute walk from his home.

Nesta thought that they would be cute together

This meant nothing

She probably didn’t even like him back

Just because they were in the same city, it didn’t mean that they would ever meet.

This was still just a crush

And it was probably one-sided

She hadn’t even answered his latest text message.

And as if on cue, his phone vibrated in his pocket.

Elain I’m sorry that I didn’t answer you earlier. I’ve been at work all day. We had a leak in the basement and everything was just chaos. I haven’t even checked my phone until now.

He mentally scratched number 9 from his list.

Azriel No worries! Did you fix the leak?

Azriel checked the time on his phone: 23.30

Had she dealt with this leak until now?

Elain Yes! But so many flowers were ruined (I’m a florist) and I had to remake a few arrangements for a wedding that’s coming up.

Elain I’m sorry. You probably don’t care. I’m happy that you liked the video :)

Azriel wanted to tell her that he did care. That everything she said was interesting to him. He would probably even find her Starbucks order fascinating. But that bordered on stalker behavior.

Azriel Again, no worries! Sometimes when you’ve had a bad day, you just need someone to vent to.

Elain Exactly! Thank you for letting me vent :) This day is finally over!

There was a selfie attached to the last message.

Elain was standing in front of a big window surrounded by flowers. She was wearing a white, oversized shirt and her hair was in a messy bun. She looked tired but happy. She was giving him ‘thumbs up’ in the photo and through the window, he could see the Sidra. They were indeed in the same city. It made him both happy and nervous.

Elain Sweaty but happy to be heading home :)

Azriel received that last message when he walked through the door to his apartment. What the hell was he supposed to answer?

But then he thought back to Nesta’s words.

You would probably be cute together.

So he took a deep breath and gathered all his courage.

Azriel You still look beautiful though

He stared at his phone. Would she answer? Would she block him? Would she tell him to stop being a creep?

Elain Thank you :) What do you look like? I might have forgotten ;)

Okay. That was flirty. Even Azriel could tell that that was a flirty text message, and he was usually oblivious to such things. He quickly walked to his bathroom (it was the room with the best lighting). He checked his shirt (no stains) and mussed with his hair.

“Good enough,” he muttered, and snapped a selfie.

Before he could chicken out, he sent it to her.

Within seconds, he received a reply.

Elain Beautiful!

[tsukishumai]

Chemical Reaction - Kuroo Tetsuro

Summary: When the universe hands you a second chance, will you be able to move on from the mistakes of your past? 

college!Kuroo x fem!reader

a friends to friends w/ benefits to lovers type of deal.

Warnings: some light NSFW, slow burn, aged up characters, mentions of smoking, mentions of alcohol, fingering, cursing, and a little heartbreak. angst to fluff

Word Count: 7.3k (it goes by fast, I swear (′ꈍωꈍ‵))

A/N:  Jesus... this started out as a prompt, but it snowballed into whatever the hell this is. And it was supposed to be done by Kuroo’s bday T-T but better late than never! I poured in a lil extra love into this, pls give it a shot, lmk what you think, and I hope you enjoy !

Your history with Kuroo Tetsuro went back a little bit further than you’d like to admit.

He had been in your class for all three years you were at Nekoma, but you had really only popped onto each other’s radars second year.

He had been assigned the seat next to you, and while you were upset that your best friend, Eri, had been sat all the way across the room, you didn’t exactly mind the view.  

Right off the bat, you knew this was going to be trouble for you.

The guy was cute, funny, and smart. How hadn’t you noticed him before?

“Hey, L/N-chan,” he said, already making you blush with the addition of the honorific, “I have many chemistry jokes… but I’m afraid they won’t get a good reaction!”

You couldn’t stop either the face palm or the giggle that slipped out of your lips.

Kuroo was an easy person to get along with. He always greeted you in the mornings, and never really bothered you during class. On the rare occasion he stayed in the classroom for lunch, the two of you would strike up a conversation, but it never went past the surface.

Until about halfway through the school year. Your teacher had assigned a project that required a partner.

You looked to Eri, only to find the little traitor pairing up with the guy she had been eyeing since first year.

You sighed, not even mad at her for trying to shoot her shot.

“Want to be partners?” your head shot to the boy next to you.

“Uhm. Sure!”

And so it went like this; the project was due at the end of the year, requiring a research paper, and a 7 minute power point presentation.

Once or twice a week, the two of you would meet up at the school library either before school or after your club activities.

Kuroo was smart; smarter than you but you’d never say that to his face, so more often than not, the two of you would finish what needed to be done that day, and spent the rest of the time just talking, and getting to know each other.

By the third time the two of you had gotten kicked out by the librarian for laughing too much, Kuroo suggested meeting at his house on the weekends.

Surely that doesn’t mean what you think it means right???

It doesn’t, lmao. This guy was a good student, he made sure you guys finished your parts, because there was no way he was going to get anything less than an A.

Oh, you guys finished a little early today? Great! L/N-chan! Help me with my receives!

As the weeks pass by, there was a mutual progression in the relationship, neither of you seeing each other as project partners anymore, and falling into a comfortable friendship.

For Kuroo, that is. You, on the other hand, just became way too good at acting like you weren’t falling in love.

The school year is coming to a close, and you turn in your project.

Surprise, surprise! You guys got an A.

Seriously, the teacher said she was going to start using it as an example for the future students.

You couldn’t even be happy about your passing grade; you were too sad that your time with Kuroo was ending.

“Well, it was really fun being your partner this year,” you said, and Kuroo cocked an eyebrow at you.

“Why do you sound like someone’s dying,” he joked, “Anyway, Kenma said he bought a new game, but it’s multiplayer. What time are you coming this weekend?”

Bitch, ya heart nearly jumped out of your chest.

For a little while, you were content with things being like that. You had become good friends with not just Kuroo, but Kenma as well. You guys weren’t always together, but definitely made a point to make time for each other.

While you guys were usually busy during the week, club activities, homework and school taking up most of your time, Saturdays at Kuroo’s had become a thing well into your third year. As much as possible, you would try to attend his games, and he would try to bring you snacks when he knows you’re stuck studying.

You tried really hard not to read into the things he would do for you.

Surely, he’s also held Kenma’s bag while walking him home, right?

He’s memorized his whole team’s schedule; it’s nothing special if he also has yours memorized.

You know that he only brought you lunch today because he had to share half of his when you forgot yours.

All normal friend stuff, right! Right?!

“I met a cute girl the other day,” he said to you absentmindedly one morning before class.

Wait. Your chest shouldn’t feel so tight, should it? Your eyes are swimming, and your head is floating. Every breath feels like lead in your lungs, and you kinda wished the ground would swallow you whole.

“Oh, Really?” you tried to be nonchalant, and hoped he didn’t notice the shakiness in your voice.

He nodded. “Yeah… she’s kinda funny.”

But you were really funny, weren’t you? You were the one that made him laugh like a hyena, made him clutch his stomach and gasp for breath, right?

“Is that so?” your mouth felt like sandpaper, “Why don’t you try taking her out on a date?”

You wish you had never said those words.

You knew the girl he was talking about; you had seen Kuroo approach her in the hallway.

She was your teammate in the track and field club; not one of the fastest, but she was beautiful, kind, friendly, and Kuroo was right – she really was kind of funny.

“You should have told him first, you know,” Kenma had mumbled from next to you once, eyes never leaving his game while yours quickly shot him a glare.

It was just the two of you at the lunch table – Kuroo mumbling an excuse about having plans with another “friend”.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Kenma just rolled his eyes. “Whatever.”

You spend the next few weeks avoiding him; it was easier since he didn’t sit next to you in class anymore, you weren’t really replying to his texts as often, you stopped visiting him and Kenma at practice, and you had missed the game you had told them you would try to go to.

You were kind of starting to realize that it was mostly you that had to go and seek them out.

Now that you weren’t doing these things… where was he?

You would catch a glimpse of Kuroo when he would visit your teammate during practice; he would try to greet you but you’d only shoot him a tight smile.

So when you heard a loud knock on your door at eight o clock in the evening, the last person you expected was the roosterhead himself.

“Hey,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck, “I could tell something was bothering you, and I’ve been trying to give you your space, but… it’s been weeks now so, I just have to know… Are you avoiding me?”

You didn’t really know what to say, if there is even anything else to. Even with your head down and eyes trained to your feet, you could feel the burn of his gaze.

“I...” the deep timbre of his voice always managed to give you chills, “I miss you.”

Is he fucking serious right now? He’s so smart, yet he can’t put two and two together? He can see his opponents’ moves before they happen, yet he can’t even see you standing right in front of him?

“I have feelings for you, Kuroo,” you blurted out before you could stop yourself.

Kuroo’s eyes widened by a fraction, his mouth slightly hung agape, dumbfounded by your seemingly random confession.

Except, it wasn’t random to you. You’ve been harboring these feelings for months, and after hurting yourself by staying silent for so long, you decided that you deserve better.

You’ll accept whatever the outcome, if that’s the price for your peace.

“Y/N…” it took him a long time to finally speak, and you try to ignore the fact that this is the first time he’s called you by your first name.

His face clearly showed his struggle to get the words out. “I’m sorry, I didn’t… I –“

You raised your hand. You didn’t really want to hear any more than that.

“It’s okay,” you said, giving him a small smile.

And with that, you shut the door on Kuroo Tetsuro.

You do your best to move on, smiling and laughing with friends you wouldn’t usually talk to you, ignoring the ghost of your past that haunt you every time you walked passed by Kuroo and your teammate down the hall.

You throw back a laugh at whatever the person next to you had said, turning away to miss the fact that Kuroo’s eyes always followed you wherever you went.

Graduation day came and in the blink of an eye, your days at Nekoma were behind you.

The days passed, the seasons changed, the flowers bloomed, and then they died.

You started university, moving to a different city and living with the very same best friend whose betrayal to quench her own thirst became the catalyst for your greatest heartbreak.

You’ve forgiven her for that though, you guess.

Life in college was the breath of fresh air that you needed.

New things to learn, new places to discover, and new faces to help you forget the scars of old ones.

Years pass by, and while you’ve allowed yourself to feel the touch of others, allow them to make you laugh, allow them to make you cry, you’ve never really allowed yourself the luxury of falling in love again.

Who has time for that any way?

Definitely not you. You just needed to finish your undergrad, and get into med school.

You had plans for your life, you weren’t going to compromise your dreams just for another person, and no matter whom you dated or how much they liked you, this fact had always rubbed them the wrong way.

You were finally starting your last year at your undergrad, quite possibly one of the most important years of college, what with your thesis, med school applications, and your entire future pretty much on the line, no big deal.

Your first class of the day was chemistry. You had been avoiding the last chemistry class required by your degree, all of your friends telling you that it was one of the hardest classes they’ve ever taken, and so naturally, you ran away for as long as possible.

The class wasn’t due to start for another fifteen minutes when you walked in, giving you a perfect opportunity to grab a seat of your liking.

You ended up choosing one in the third row – you knew that if you sat in the back, you wouldn’t pay attention.

You take out your laptop, books, and all required materials, using this free time to check any emails from your professors.

You were checking the time – 5 minutes left until class started – when you were interrupted.

“L/N-chan?”

Your feel your body stiffen up at the sound of a voice you hadn’t heard in years.

You turn your head to your left, hoping to all the gods that maybe you were mistaken.

“Kuroo?” you said in disbelief, and oh honey… you could not believe he was standing right before you.

Kuroo seemed like he hadn’t changed at all. His hair seemed a little bit more managed, he was a little bit taller, his muscles filled out his shirt better… but he still had the same goofy smile on his face, and that undeniably mischievous twinkle in his eye.

“What are you doing here?” you blurted out. “I thought you went to a university in Tokyo?”

“I did, but I transferred this year,” he said, “This university has a great marketing program.”

“I can’t believe it,” you mumble out, more so to yourself than him, “It’s been years.”

He gave you a smile. “It has.”

He took the seat next to you, much to your surprise. You almost wanted to open your mouth in protest, but what could you say? ‘You can’t sit there’?

You were thankful that the class had only gone over the syllabus, because you didn’t hear a word the professor said.

When you told Eri about it later, she just laughed.

“I always thought Kuroo-san was a nice guy,” she commented, her back turned while she cooked the both of you dinner.

“I never said he wasn’t,” you said, throwing back the rest of the wine in your glass.

“What, you still like him or something?” Eri teased, plating the noodles she had created and setting it in front of you.

“Of course not,” you grumbled, stabbing at the plate with a fork, and the amused look on Eri’s face tells you that her silence was just to placate you.

The next few weeks of the semester went by without any incident.

Kuroo stayed in the seat next to you, and you didn’t let yourself wonder why.

You were proud at yourself for being able to talk to Kuroo the way that you were; he still made the same stupid chemistry jokes in high school, but now you felt like you could laugh at them without choking on the air around you.

It was easy.

Until it wasn’t.

“Alright everyone,” your professor began one rainy morning, “We’re about halfway through the semester, and this is usually around the time I like to assign a little project.”

All of a sudden, you felt a strange feeling of déjà vu.

“Now, it’s only going to be worth about a third of your grade in the class, so I suggest not slacking off on this one. This is going to require a partner, and before you go texting your bestie that you want to ‘link up’, I’ve taken the liberty of assigning your partner for you.”

Oh, Christ. You were praying you wouldn’t get partnered up with a dead weight.

“When I call your name, raise your hand so I could introduce you to your new partner.”

You waited patiently for your name to be called, but Kuroo’s had been called first.

“Kuroo Testuro.”

Kuroo raised his hand.

“Your partner will be... let’s see here… ah, L/N F/N!”

No. No fucking way.

Your arm involuntarily raised, the professor nodding his head in acknowledgement.

You slowly turn to face Kuroo, who had an unreadable smile placed on his lips, your professor’s voice droning on in the background.

“Well,” he said, laughter laced in his words, “Isn’t this familiar?”

At first, you felt incredibly apprehensive at the thought of being partnered with your high school crush, but at the end of the day, you were actually incredibly thankful.

Kuroo was just as smart and diligent as he was back then, and you had every confidence that your project was going to get the highest grade.

You tried to make it a point to meet in public places – cafes, libraries, and the like.

But soon, Kuroo suggested that it would just be easier and more comfortable to meet at either your place or his.

He only ever came by when Eri was home too, which would have been fine if the smirk on her face didn’t make you so nervous.

You noticed that his roommate was always around when you came over as well. You learned his name was Bokuto, and though he was a little loud, his presence was actually a little comforting.

Honestly, it all felt so… nostalgic. Whenever you would finish your work for the day, then the two of you would spend the time talking, catching up, and laughing at stupid jokes, almost as if the two of you were friends again.

Almost like nothing happened between you at all.

“Hey,” you started one day, curiosity getting the better of you after a particularly steamy conversation about past relationships, sitting on the floor with your iPad on your lap and homework strewn about all over the living room floor, “Whatever happened between you and that girl from high school?”

Kuroo just gave you a sad smile, and you thought she must have broken his heart pretty badly.

“Oh that…” he waved it off, “That was a mistake. A big one.”

You figured it was better not to ask any more questions.

Eri walked out of her room soon after Kuroo left that night, her arms crossed and leaning against the door’s archway as she watched you wash the dishes.

You guys are getting pretty close,” she mused.

She couldn’t see you roll your eyes. “Well, yeah, we were pretty good friends in high school.”

Eri let out a humorless laugh. “I stand by my statement that Kuroo-san is a nice guy,” she said, walking up next to you to place a hand on your shoulder, “But I haven’t forgotten how long it took you to get over what happened.”

Your hands stilled in the soapy water for a second, but you chose not to say anything.

“I’m just saying,” Eri started to walk back to her room, calling out her last words behind her shoulder, “Be careful.”

Eri’s words echoed in your head whenever you were with Kuroo.

Every time he offered to pay for your food, you made sure to insist you’d pay for it yourself. If he tried to grab your bag from your shoulder when you walked, you’d hold on tighter and say you were fine.

You didn’t avoid him like you did before, but you made every attempt to keep him at arm’s length.

It seems your attempts were all for nothing, however, when the semester ended.

“Amazing job,” were the words that came from your professor when giving your passing grade.

“We did it,” Kuroo said happily, the two of you making your way out of the class, “It’s finally over.”

“Thank god,” you laughed back.

“Hey,” Kuroo started, though he was looking at everywhere but you, “Bokuto’s gone and visiting his boyfriend for the weekend, but I was wondering if you wanted to come over for drinks later?”

You blinked, trying to even your breathing.

“You know, to celebrate the end of the semester, and acing that nightmare class.”

You should say no, right? Wait, but you’re grown now. You’ve moved on from what happened back then. The two of you did work really hard this semester, what’s wrong with celebrating your achievements?

“I think we’ve earned it,” Kuroo laughed.

“Yeah,” you said, and you were glad for it just from the smile that spread on his stupid face, “We really have! I’ll be there.”

“See you at eight?”

You nodded at his words as he waved goodbye, going your separate ways.

Ten hours later, you were sitting next to Kuroo on his living room floor, sake cup full to the brim as BNHA plays on his TV.

“Ah, Deku’s in the hospital,” Kuroo slurred, sake sloshing out of his cup when he pointed to the screen, “That’s a shot!”

The two of you threw back the warm liquid, and you were kind of worried that it didn’t taste like anything anymore.

“Kuroo,” you laughed, “We’re only on the second episode… and I think I’ve taken, like, twelve shots at this point.”

“This was your idea!”

“Well, I have another idea,” you started to get up, causing Kuroo to get up as well, “Let’s order take out!”

He laughed at your red face, agreeing with you.

You started to make your way to the couch, but all of a sudden, you felt dizzy, a head rush taking over your senses as you stumbled over your feet.

Kuroo caught you before you could hit the floor.

“You okay?” he laughed, and the sound of it elicited a laugh from your own lips.

In a second, the two of you erupted in giggles, snickering at nothing in particular while his strong arms still held you in place.

Suddenly, you were hyperaware of his touch on your skin, and you let your eyes trail from the strong hands around your waist, to the golden honey eyes that were already staring at your face.

You can’t exactly remember how, but the next thing you knew, you were pinned under Kuroo on his bed, his soft lips moving in tandem with yours while his hot tongue took over your whole mouth.

Your arms were looped around his neck, and he slid his calloused hands up your arm.

You felt his hands grip onto your wrists before he pulled them off his necked and pinned them onto the mattress.

You took in a deep breath once he disconnected from your mouth, planting a trail of kisses along your jaw line and down to your neck, before you slid his tongue across your supple skin.

You shivered, acutely aware of the fact that he has you trapped.

“Be careful,” Eri’s words echoed in your mind.

Fuck, you tried to think but it was hard when Kuroo just threw his shirt across the room, hovering over you with chiseled abs and defined muscles.

The heat returned to your body when he lowered his head, and popped a hard nipple into his mouth.

Your body arched at the feel of his teeth grazing against your skin, goosebumps racing when he dipped his hand beneath your underwear, a slender finger gliding down your folds before inserting into you.

You weren’t prepared for the intrusion, and he captured the gasp that came out of your mouth with his lips.

He was now holding down both of your wrists with one hand, never realizing that he was that much bigger than you.

He slid out his finger, bringing it to his mouth to give a long lick, before dipping his hand back down, and pushing in two.

You threw your head back when Kuroo curled his fingers, wondering how the hell he was able to find your g spot so quickly.

You felt like an animal caught in his trap, caged in with your arms pinned down, no choice but to let Kuroo draw out your orgasm while he pumped and curled into you, circling his thumb over your swollen clit.

Your legs were shaking while you screamed out his name, embarrassed that you were cumming so hard when he hasn’t even actually fucked you

He didn’t give you a chance to recover from your orgasm

In one swift movement, Kuroo let go of your hands and pulled out his fingers so he could grab a leg in each hand to fold you over in a press.

You don’t even know when Kuroo had taken his pants – or yours – off, and you didn’t have time to wonder.

A moan escaped your lips at the feel of his length filling you up, and you distinctly hear Kuroo tell you to say his name.

“Kuroo,” you moaned, bringing your hands to his shoulders, grasping at his body.

Every buck of his hips shot a jolt of pleasure throughout your body, unable to escape the feeling with Kuroo holding you down in place.

Who the hell would want to escape from here anyway?

“My first name,” he growled, quickening his pace when he felt your walls tighten around his dick.

“Tetsuro!” you screamed without a second thought, the brutal rhythm Kuroo has set driving heat onto your stomach, repeating his name over and over even after you feel your pussy gushing all over him, your cum dripping down from his shaft to his balls.

“Fuck,” Kuroo growled out, driving into you one last time before he spilled hot white, trying hard to catch his breath while coming down from this high.

The two of you lay together in the darkness for a while, your head on his chest and his arms around his shoulder.

The silence that surrounded the room was comfortable; almost like a bubble of peace that neither of you wanted to pop by saying anything.

“Be careful,” Eri’s fucking voice told you, yet again

While you didn’t regret what had just happened between you and Kuroo, doubts were beginning to creep in your mind.

What the hell was supposed to happen now? You’re not sure if Kuroo was expecting this outcome when he invited you over for drinks, but it happened, and you’re not really sure where to go from here.

You’ve already built a life for yourself – one that was truly yours – and you had a path that you had every intention to follow.

Would Kuroo be like every other guy and run away when he finds out you’re not compromising your plans for him? Would you even want to try to fit him into your plans?

You shake your head.

Jesus, get a grip. A guy dicks you down /once/, and all of a sudden you’re thinking about this shit?

“Y/N? You okay?” He asked from beside you.

You lift your head from his chest, sitting up so you could lean your back against his headboard. Kuroo was quick to mirror your actions.

“Kuroo,” you begin to tell him, and he frowned a little at the sound of his last name, “That was… amazing.”

Kuroo blushed a little at your compliment, though he knew it didn’t stop there. “…But?”

“But,” you bit your lip, “I’m not really looking for anything serious right now.”

Kuroo didn’t respond right away, but maybe that’s because you just kept babbling. “It’s just… I have so much going on with school, not to mention grad school applications are due in a few months, and who knows which university I’ll end up going to after graduation…”

You finally had the courage to look at him, and you caught a glimpse of what you would have thought was sadness in his eyes if it hadn’t been blinked away so quickly, soon replaced with that same unreadable smile.

“Whatever you want, Kitten,” he replied, “This doesn’t have to be anything more than what it is.”

You let out a breath of relief.

He walked you home that night (or morning, considering it was 1am), still trying your best to set boundaries even though you pretty much let him thoroughly wreck you.

He didn’t give you a kiss goodbye, instead sheepishly waving when he sees you entering the door to your apartment, saying he’ll shoot you a text tomorrow.

You thought things would be weird between the two of you after that night, but you were happy to find that it wasn’t.

You had managed to rekindle your friendship with Kuroo – meeting up to study, grabbing lunch if you had the time, maybe catching the occasional movie.

Though, you didn’t tell Eri about the added benefits.

(Kuroo Tetsu-hoe) Today: 12:37AM

You up?

[To: Kuroo Tetsu-hoe] Today: 12:49AM

Yeah, doing my Lit. paper.

(Kuroo Tetsu-hoe) Today: 12:50AM

Wanna do me instead?

[To: Kuroo Tetsu-hoe] Today: 12:58AM

Say less.

ou didn’t have to tell Eri about the added benefits – she wasn’t dumb, where else would her roommate be going in the middle of night?

You’ve had other men before, going through your fair share of sexual experiences before climbing into bed with Kuroo.

But he was still managing to show you new things, reaching spots you never even knew existed before, putting his mouth in places that made your eyes water and lungs burn from gasping for air.

You can’t explain the feeling you get when he’s running his hands across your body, and when he stares at you and nothing but you while he’s pumping into you and making you feel so full in more ways than one, it’s something akin to a chemical reaction.

There was one time, when he took a belt, secured it against his head post before he brought your legs up to –

“Earth to Y/N,” Kuroo said, waving a hand in front of your face.

“Sorry,” you said, shrugging your shoulders, “I was having a flashback.”

Kuroo smirked, knowing exactly what you meant.  

The two of you were lying in bed, your back against his chest and a strong arm wrapped around your waist.

You laid your hand on top of his, fiddling with his fingers and reveling in the calm that always came from being with Kuroo.

“What you thinking about?” You ask, and the way he stiffened up in your grip let you know that something really was bothering him.

It took him a little longer than you’d like before he replied.

“Do you ever feel like… you want more?”

This time, it was you that stilled in his arms.

“Be Careful.”

You turned around to face Kuroo.

“I thought we talked about this?”

Kuroo’s eyes searched your face, for what, you have no idea. But you stared back with just as much intensity, hoping that he would find the answer he was looking for.

Fear. That’s what was written all over your face.

Kuroo let out a humorless laugh. “Forget I said anything.”

He stood up to put his boxers on and slipping on a shirt before heading out onto the balcony that was attached to his room.

You gave him a few moments before getting up to gather your clothes from the floor, silently putting them on before you joined him outside.

You find him leaning against the balcony railing on his forearms, a cigarette lit in one hand.

He doesn’t turn his head towards you, but he does offer his cigarette, and you take it quietly.

You bring the white filter to your lips, taking a deep drag, closing your eyes when you feel your head get lighter, and releasing the smoke from your lungs.

“Kuroo,” you started, voice nothing but a soft whisper, “I’m sorry… I didn’t – “

He raised a hand to stop you.

“It’s fine,” he replied. “Like I said, forget I mentioned anything.”

He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“Hey,” he said, taking his cigarette back from you and taking a drag himself, “Kenma’s having a party this weekend. They’re inviting over some old classmates from Nekoma. He says he misses you. You should come.”

Your ears perk up at the invitation, excited at the thought of seeing your old friend and a little happy that he’s moving past the subject.

"Kenma? Is having a party?”

Kuroo laughed. “Alright. Yaku is having a party, but we’re doing it at Kenma’s place. It’s actually not that far from here, just one train ride.”

You chuckled, shaking your head knowingly.

“Yeah, I’ll go,” you agreed, “But, uhm… I’ll just meet you there?”

Kuroo nodded. “Yeah. I’ll just meet you there.”

You didn’t see Kuroo the rest of that week.

You weren’t sure what it was – he wasn’t ignoring you, he replied to your text messages and answered your calls.

But he hadn’t once asked you to come over. And after what happened that night, you were scared to ask him to come over.

The night of Kenma’s party came, and you entered to find way more people than you had expected. You didn’t recognize more than half of the people there, but relief washed over you when Yaku threw an arm around your shoulder.

You didn’t see Kuroo right away when you arrived, but you were too distracted at the joy from seeing some of your old classmates.

You were half way through a game of beer pong with Lev as your partner before Kuroo was able to make an appearance.

He made his rounds, saying his greetings to everyone before stopping at you, giving you a friendly one armed hug.

You didn’t want to admit that you were a bit sad at the generic greeting.

Was it because maybe… you want…. mor –

“Y/N! Shoot the damn ping pong ball,” Lev exclaimed, and you were shook out of your reverie. 

Kuroo excused himself, saying he was going to the kitchen to make himself a drink, but you were too focused on winning your game to notice.

Before you knew it, you lost three to two against Kenma and Yamamoto, cursing at Lev for forcing you to carry the team on your back.

By this point, the alcohol had spread all through your system. You were still able to walk straight, but with considerable effort. The words that came out of your mouth were just a little slurred, and you were kind of having a hard time controlling the volume of your voice.

“Where’s Kuroo?” you asked Yaku, who instantly shot a hand up to rub his ear.

“Jesus, woman, you don’t have to yell, I am /right here,” he grumbled, but he still let you sling an arm around his shoulders for support. “I thought he went into the kitchen to get some drinks?”

That’s right, he said that. But that was hours ago. Where could he be?

You stagger away from Yaku, pushing your way past unfamiliar bodies to get to the kitchen.

The first thing you saw when you tripped into the kitchen was Kuroo, dressed in a fitted black shirt and blue jeans, looking every bit the Greek God he was as he leaned against the counter. His arms were crossed atop his broad chest, a drink in one hand.

He was talking to someone, and you thought you recognized the long black hair that flowed from the back of their head, but were too distracted studying the veins that protruded from Kuroo’s forearms.

You opened your mouth to call out to him when the person in front of him stepped up, pressing their body into his. She uncrossed his arms and snaked two long arms around his neck.

You recognized her in that instant.

It was his ex from high school.

Looking down, you were surprised to see your clothes dry, because it felt like someone poured a bucket of ice water directly on top of your head.

“Be careful,” Eri’s words echoed in your head for the ten millionth time.

Yet here you were

In the same exact place you were a little over three years ago.

You scoffed at yourself.

Well, there’s nothing else for you here now, is there?

You shoot Yaku and Kenma a quick text in a group chat to let them know you were leaving.

The air outside was cold, your breath coming out in puffs. You wrapped your jacket around a little tighter, cursing yourself silently for not wearing a scarf cause it’ll ‘ruin the outfit.’

“Hey, the party’s that way.”

The sudden voice behind you nearly made you jump ten feet in the air.

“Jesus, you really are like a fucking cat.”

Kuroo chuckled.

For some reason, the sound made you angry. You kept walking, following the path of dimmed street lights that led you to the train station.

“Yeah, but home’s this way.”

His heavy footsteps trailed behind you.

“Great, I was getting tired of the party anyway.”

“What are you doing here?” You finally turned your head to him and asked.

Your voice was surprisingly clear and even, despite the unsteadiness of the ground beneath you.

“What do you mean? I’m walking you home.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s late, and you’re my friend.”

‘Friend’. The word made you wince, even though you were the one that drilled the idea into his head.

“I saw you talking to your ex,” you grumbled, crossing your arms and turning the other direction.

You could practically feel his smirk.

“Oya? Is that jealousy I’m hearing in those words?”

You felt your face get hot.

“Of course not!”

- “I thought we were just friends?”

“Will you shut up for once in your life, idiot!”

He wanted to tease you some more, but was stopped by the pensive look on your face.

“Why would you leave the girl that broke your heart behind just to walk me home?”

Kuroo looked at you with a confused expression.

“Girl that broke my heart?”

You nodded. “When I asked you about her, you said she was a big mistake.”

Kuroo stopped walking. You turned your head back to look at him curiously when he doubled over in a full bellied laugh.

“Are you laughing at me?!” You asked incredulously, giving him a glare from where you stood.

“You... you think she’s the one that broke my heart?”

Kuroo wiped a fake tear from his eye.

“Wow. That was a good one.”

“What the hell are you going on about, Kuroo?”

The jovial look on Kuroo’s face slowly faded, the entertained smile on his face shrinking his lips into a thin line.

“Y/N, she didn’t break my heart.”

Now it was your turn to be confused.

“You want to know why I said she was a big mistake?” Kuroo took a step towards you, “It was because of her that I lost you.”

Your jaw dropped.

Kuroo ran his fingers through his hair, ruining the perfectly waxed locks that he had spent thirty minutes styling.

“Please don’t run away when I tell you this.”

You couldn’t move your feet even if you wanted to.

“The only reason I ever brought her up to you in the first place was because I wanted to see your reaction. I wanted to know if you would get jealous. But without hesitation, you told me that I should just go ahead and date her, and you know dumb young men and their pride... then... it just... snowballed into something I didn’t even...”

Kuroo couldn’t finish his sentence.

Your vision begins to shake.

“But... but I confessed to you!”

“Yeah, then you slammed the door in my face and stopped talking to me!”

You couldn’t deny that.

“Do you have any idea how confusing that was for a teenage boy? I had no idea what the hell was going on, one day, I blinked and I was stuck with a girl I didn’t love while I watched my best friend smile and laugh and walk passed me like I never even existed.”

You swallowed the guilty lump that was caught in your throat.

“All I knew was that you weren’t around anymore; you weren’t there to make me laugh with your dumb jokes, you weren’t coming over and leaving your presence all over my room, nothing, it was all gone, and it all felt so fucked up. Being without you felt so fucked up.” 

Had Kuroo always felt this way? Were you really so busy running away from him that you couldn’t even see that he was hurting too?

“Now the universe or the gods or whatever brought me back to you, and it’s like everything makes sense again, and fuck, all I want to do is just show you how much I’ve missed you, how much I care, how much I love you.”

You gasped, and you were waiting for Kuroo to try and take those words back, but the resolve was painted in his eyes.

“But all you do is just keep me at arms length. You wanted to be just friends when I wanted everything.”

You choked back a sob, tears were now steadily streaming down your face.

Kuroo closed the space between you, wrapping one arm around your waist while bring his other head to wipe at your tears with the pad of his thumb.

 “She wasn’t the girl that broke my heart. You were.”

He moved to place his fingers on your chin, tilting your head up to force you to look at his eyes.

He wanted you to see that he meant every single word.

“If this is all you’re willing to give me, I’ll take it. I’ll break my own heart. Every day, over and over again, if that’s what it takes to be with you.”

His voice was in a whisper now, bringing his lips to kiss both sides of your cheeks.

“Because I love you.”

He brought his hands to cup for your face before pulling you in for a kiss.

This wasn’t anything like you’ve ever experienced before.

Every time his tongue brushed against yours, you felt all the love adoration he was trying to convey in this one physical act, hoping he could transfer it all into your lips.

It felt like time stopped just for the two of you, to have this moment in the middle of the sidewalk, bathed in the orange glow of the street light that hung above you.

He pulled away finally, resting his forehead on yours for just a second before he engulfed you with his arms.

His head rested on top of yours, feeling the vibrations as he spoke.

“I’m going to ask you one more time,” he said nervously. “Do you want something more?”

You wiggle out of his grip just so you can move your hands up to caress his cheek.

“Tetsuro... I love you so much.”

Later that night, in the safety of your room and away from Eri’s judgmental eyes at the two of you stumbling in and giggling through the door, you trace small circles on Kuroo’s chest with your fingers while Kuroo had an arm wrapped around you tightly.

“Hey, Tetsu,” you broke the silence with a whisper, “What if I end up going to grad school that was... further away?”

Kuroo couldn’t help but smile and shake his head. You were never going to change.

Not like he would ever want you to.

“Y/N... we didn’t talk for three years, and not once did I stop thinking about you. A little distance isn’t going to get rid of me.”

You try to bury your face in embarrassment.

If he had to spend every day of the rest of his life reassuring you that he’ll be by your side no matter what, well - that’s just too easy.

You find yourself holding onto him a little bit tighter, making a silent vow that never again were you going to push away Kuroo Tetsuro.

[nahoyaglock]

↬ KARASUNO AS COUPLE PICS! + headcanons

karasuno x gn!reader, headcanons, fluff

A/N! im so sorry that this is so long hhh + reblogs are appreciated and feedback is too :D i also did not read this over so im sorry if it sucks and theres errors

Daichi

Daichi would walk home with you since you lived nearby him

and since it was the weekend he thought he would hang out with you at your place

you two would stop at a nearby convince store, spliting up and searching the aisles for some ramen and chips

you ran over to the chips aisle after grabbing the ramen and saw daichi grabbing multiple bags

he shot you a big smile and you just scoffed and playfully kicked his shin

"we dont need that many bags daichi!"

"of course we do babe"

you left with 4 bowls of instant ramen and 7 different bags of chips

Sugawara

sugawara had planned this for a whole week

his sweet s/o had a hard week? prepare for some clingy bf sugawara and to be spoiled

he picked you up at 4pm to let you sleep in from staying up studying all night friday

once you arrived at the lake nearby his place, you saw the little picnic blanket

he had brought out a little speaker, playing some soft, relaxing tunes

you guys ate and talked, and even just watched the trees blow in the wind

you would hear a song you like, and you would pull sugawara to his feet to dance to the song

he would twirl you and at the end of the song he would dip you, kissing you softly

"thank you so much suga"

"anything for my sugar~"

Asahi

you were a very reckless person, and asahi loved that about you

he would always be by your side for all your adventures, but one day you decided to settle down

you invited asahi over to your small home, your parents out for the day

your small radio played some old tunes as asahi laid on your bed watching you tend to your plants or ramble on as you always did

you cuddled with him a for a few hours until you saw the orange rays come in through your window

"asahi! asahi watch the sunset with me!"

you shot out of bed and pulled your large boyfriend after you

you opened your window and sat on the window sill, swinging your legs around to the other side

being on a second floor, you started asahi

"Hey, be careful"

"get your big ass over here!"

he followed after you, sitting next to you and wrapped an arm around you as the two of you watched the sun set

Tanaka

fools. you are a pair of reckless fools

tanaka had proposed the idea of a late night hang out

you being just as wild you agreed, and thats how you found yourself with tanaka running around at night, nearly 1am

on your adventure, you found a shopping cart knocked onto its side, you and tanakas eyes meeting with a devious smirk

next thing you knew, tanaka had turned on his speaker and shuffled his spotify playlist as you climbed into the cart

"awe, i wanted you to push me!"

"slow poke! now push!"

he pushed you, running while you two shouted and laughed into the night, doja cat and NIKI playing on his speaker

i just know this mans is a doja cat fan

Nishinoya

nishinoya was a very energetic and fun person, and you were as well, but you just weren't as reckless

as you two walked down the road to your house, nishinoya rambled on and on about practice and his day

you didnt mind, being way less talkative than him, you liked to listen to him

he suddenly jumped into the air, a big happy and excited smile on his face as you could practically see a light buld above his head

"can we take a picture?"

"whats the catch?"

"okay okay, what if we do a handstand!"

you giggled at his request and he looked at you with hopeful eyes

"yes, but if i get hurt your gonna give me a piggy back!"

he sets up his camera against his school bag and sets the timer, running back to where you were

"okay okay, GO!"

you both did a handstand and held it until the timer went off and his phone clicked

Hinata

hinata loved going anywhere with you, as long as you were by his side he was already having so much fun

one day you asked him if he wanted to go to the beach, and he practically shouted in excitement

the next day, saturday, you two left in the morning to take a bus to the nearest beach, and hinata brought his bike

when you guys arrived he walked around with his bike as you ran around slightly ahead oh him in the sad

hinata had to watch over his bike so we couldn't run around with you, but then he got an idea

"hey, do you wanna go on a ride along the shore?"

"OH. MY. GOD. YES!!"

he hopped into his bike and you climbed onto the back, and you two ride along the shore at a decently quick pace

the air in your face made you feel free and you lifted your arms up, closing your eyes as you let the air hit you

hinata would take a quick glance back, but it was just long enough to see the beautiful look on your face that made him smile

-

Tsukishima

even though tsukishima was cold to everyone else, he was slightly less cold towards you, and hed never admit it but you made him soft

i hc tsukishima secretly being a soft boy who enjoys relaxing and reading in his alone time, sometimes even with you

one day you come over to surprise your boyfriend, his brother opening the door for you as you greeted him and his mother.

you made your way to his room and turned the door nob

"oh tsukki!"

you opened the door and saw your boyfriend laying in a pair of yellow and black plaid pajama pants and a navy green sweater, reading as some music played on his speaker

he groaned and closed his book as you walked over to his bed and jumped into his arm

"you had to come over today? you didnt even tell me."

"i like seeing tsukishima kei in his natural habitat"

you pulled a book out of your bag, one that you and tsukishima read together often and he pulled you into his lap and opened to where you had last read

the orange rays of the sun filled his room as you two read the book, soon falling asleep in each others presence

Kageyama

constantly everyday, this boy was trying to find a way to let you into his life or show his appreciation with more than just holding your hand

one day you guys were chilling on the grass infront of his home, his mothers music playing through the living room window, loud enough for you to hear

the sun was starting to set and a slightly blue hue painted the surroundings

"hey, do you dance?"

you were a bit shocked by that question since you were usually the one to ask random questions like that

"im not that good at it but sure, why?"

kageyama stood up and held out his hand

"may i have this dance?"

you laughed at his question and took his hand, pulling yourself up

"yes you may~"

kageyamas hand rested on your hip, your hand on his shoulder and your other hands were connected at your sides

you guys slow danced, mimicking a waltz, stepping on each others shoes occasionally

kageyamas cheeks were red the whole time as he twirled you and connected his hands with both of yours

he pressed a quick kiss to your cheek and you stared up in awe as your boyfriend shot a wide smile at you, one that you havent seen before

"y-your smiling!"

"w-what?"

"what did you do to kageyama!"

"i am kageyama!"

Yamaguchi

you and yamaguchi loved to be together, bestfriends and lovers, tsukishima falling victim to third wheeling, not as if he cared much tho

yamaguchi loves flowers almost as much as you do, so when he found this small flower field a few miles past his house he knew he had to take you there

you and yamaguchi walked hand snd hand to this "surprise" place he wanted you to see

when you were close, he covered your eyes and led you past the trees and rocks, placing you in the middle of the large flower field

"ready annnnndd.. open!"

you opened your eyes and froze in awe at the colorful flowers that dotted the field

you turned to your boyfriend and wrapped your arms around his neck, tackling him to the floor

"I LOVE YOU SO MUCH TADASHI!"

he winced softly as you whispered apologized and peppered his cheek in kisses and he just laughed

"I love you too y/n"

he turned to his side and plucked a daisy, smiling softly as he turned back to face you

he pushed some hair back behind your ear and placed the flower behind your ear, smiling widely as his cheeks turned a slight shade of pink

"i think you're the prettiest flower in the WHOOOOLE world!"

he placed soft kisses to your lips as you laid in the middle of the flower field