#((but a) along with his villain upgrade he got two of the best songs in the show))

[shadowsong26x]

And after all this time, I'll wash my hands of your charade and celebrate your fall from grace, preserve that sad look on your face; and praise what God might manifest Himself in beings such as us. For vengeance that, at last, is mine comes sweetly after all this time. [After All This Time]

[hey-hamlet]

BNHA AU Ideas : Songbird

Also on AO3!

TL;DR: 

Izuku has a powerful quirk: he can give powers to the people around him based on the different songs he sings. Unfortunately, everyone else really wants that quirk and are willing to kidnap him to get it. 

Songbird is an au where Izuku has a quirk that gives a powerup/debuff to anyone that hears what he's singing! The effect depends on the song, or rather, what the song means to him.

He's been kidnapped a lot.

It came in when Izuku was like, 4? The normal time for a quirk to come in. Bakugo thought it was pretty cool, if not as cool as his.

Izuku's favourite powerup at the time was the Mario theme because it gives everyone a jump boost. So we have this little kid enthusiastically shouting the Mario theme as a small pile of kids jump around like maniacs.

Very stressful for all parents involved.

Anyway, the way his quirk works:

With some serious concentration, he can stop it working on specific people around him, but it always affects himself. Trying to limit it's spread for too long will make him pass out.

The shorter the song naturally is, the stronger the effect. His quirk works through speaker and coms but not through pre-recorded audio.

The effects can be really specific and strange, for example, 'Stronger Than You' gives a powerup to two people fighting together that care for each other. 'Radioactive', well, it literally irradiates the people around him and himself. 100% not a song he's allowed to sing.

Each song only works once per day, for the duration of the song. If accidentally, or intentionally, sings the song in a way that stops it from ending, the effect will slowly fade out.

the more a particular song has been used on you / the better you know the song, the better it works on you and the easier it is to control

Anyway, villains quickly get word of this kid running around with a powerful and versatile support quirk. Support quirks aren't super common, and one that works in so many different ways is super valuable. So, they start kidnapping the poor guy.

Obviously getting kidnapped is pretty traumatising for Izuku. It's not super great for Bakugo either, who watched his friend get stuffed into the back of a van by a small pile of villains. He gets saved by All Might. The two kids still have nightmares.

Eventually, he gets kidnapped so many random times each individual attempt is nothing to write home about. He and Bakugo become kind of blasé about the whole thing.

"Midoriya, why didn't you do your homework?"

"He got kidnapped, teach."

Izuku, bleeding sluggishly from a headwound. "Yeah, got kidnapped."

He and Bakugo are going to be heroes. They kind of end up the top dogs of the school, Izuku without meaning it, Bakugo 100% intending for that to happen. They train more than is probably healthy, because at this point it's not just good practise, it's in their best interest in an attempt to ward off more kidnappings.

Izuku has met All Might a depressing number of times, almost always getting saved from the kidnapping of the week. Bakugo is the only person Izuku lets see how all of these kidnappings are effecting him, everyone else just views it as kind of funny that this kid is so chill with getting taken so often.

He's really not, but heroes smile when they're scared, right?

Even if other villains fail, his quirk is just so useful its worth it to give it a go. He can turn a ragtag team of unfit losers into a force to rival pros with the right song choice. Plus, his involvement in all the kidnappings is suppressed for his own safety, so he's never on the news.

Oh yeah, the plan B for the USJ was take Izuku and run.

Aizawa knows about the kid that gets constantly kidnapped, but he doesn't know who it is. At the USJ, Shigiraki creepily calls out 'Hey Songbird!' and he has around 8 'oh shit' moments all at once. Izuku just wants to cry out of frustration.

The only reasons All for One hasn't stolen Izuku's quirk at this point is that All Might constantly rescuing the poor kid is both good entertainment and a good way to get him in one spot. Also he just finds this whole mess kind of funny.

His quirk only works when he's singing, but there is nothing stopping him from singing the tune to classical music! His quirk tends to work better with an instrumental or other people singing along. General power-ups are too risky to use with villains nearby, so it's mostly for disaster work.

None of his songs work on Nomu or people who can't hear (either by blocking their ears or being deaf)

Songbird Izuku kinda gives off a nice but chill air, a lot of people are afraid to talk to him because he's typically pretty popular. Inside he's just as, if not more, anxious than canon Izuku, he's just gotten pretty good at hiding it.

Regarding OFA, All Might considers giving it to him, but doesn't, mostly because he realised Izuku can't say no. It's not fair of him to ask something so big of someone who, because of the position he's been placed in, can't turn you down. He is pretty close with the Midoriya family though and comes over for dinner a lot.

The UA entrance exam is wild. Izuku kicks butt in the written, goes to thank Uraraka for helping him before but Iida stops him. Izukus externally like "Dude, you don't know me. Please calm down." internally he's like "I'M SORRY PLEASE DONT EVEN LOOK AT ME OR ILL DIE".

The announcement rings. He takes a deep breath and starts to sing, taking off after the other students.

First song up is 'Victorious'. It's both a confidence booster and a mild strength boost. He really just needs the confidence at this point. (In the distance, a purple-haired boy who was worried about the exam gets a pep in his step. He tries a little harder.)

Next up is 'Whatever it Takes', a strength and speed up based off the amount of adrenalin currently in your system. Izuku, who is constantly stressed, gets a big boost from this song. He ends up with around 28 villain points by the song, but punching robots with bare skin isn't good for your knuckles.

The 0 pointer appears and he's ready to just leave it behind until he sees the person trapped in its path. No matter how scared he is, no matter how badly he wants to go to UA, he can't leave her there.

He grits his teeth, and starts 'Get Back Up Again'. His quirk is honestly starting to run low, it's not meant to be used back to back to back like this. Still, 'Get Back Up Again' does it's job, temporarily powering up the quirks of those who can hear it. While he just wants it for Uraraka, so she can lift the rock off her legs, it works on him too.

The effects of the songs linger after they complete.

He helps Uraraka free herself from the rock and starts 'What's Up Danger'. Normally its not the strongest, but with the power up, the effects are impressive. The song itself grants luck and skill in equal measure. Normally it's hard to notice, but here it allows him to throw himself up the zero pointer until he reaches the fuse box, pulls out all of the important wires without getting zapped to high heaven, and somehow have stopped the robot in its tracks.

Unfortunately, songs end. His luck doesn't last long enough to give him a safe landing.

But Uraraka was watching him, and she can, stopping him just before he hits the ground. The buzzer goes off a second later and they collapse together, laughing hysterically and trying not to throw up everywhere. Everyone in the area looks a little shell shocked at what they just saw.

All Might looks on from with the other teachers and cheers for the boy he's seen grow from a scared kid to a determined young man. Aizawa is 100% confused and annoyed at this blatant favouritism.

He could write songs, but the catch is his quirk works with the emotions he has towards the song and his automatic reaction to it. There is a big chance that if he wrote them himself, each song would have the same effect as the other.

Please consider though, a classmate like Jirou writing him a song. That song would probably give a strong healing effect / widespread warm and fuzzy feelings.

A few fun ones:

Duel commandments from Hamilton should let you shoot air bullets

This is Halloween: i lowkey want it to be that people transform into their costumes, or something simple like it makes people glow like jack o lanterns

The Cha Cha Slide: its something he only does for fun, because it also forces him (and everyone else in the area) to do the cha cha slide

Thunder by imagine dragons electrifies everyone who hears it, so please consider a small swarm of zappy children

Upgrade from BMC gives your quirk an ‘upgrade’ or mutation. 

Hey Little Songbird from Hadestown causes earth to creep up the legs of anyone who hears it. It can’t be shaken off.

Deviltown by cavetown causes the temperature around to drop dramatically. Again, if you can’t hear the song, the temperature feels normal for you.

[symwinter]

Making Descendants likeable to me and only me but maybe you if we have similar tastes?

Part One: Mal

The best way to ‘fix’ Mal, is to give a context to her actions, have her grow from them, and change for the better, a standard thing really.

In movie one the main thing Mal has to learn is to grow out of her mother’s shadow. A lot of what she does is to be like her mom, there’s a whole song about it, but to make it the driving force of her first step in her arc is a good way of going about it. Have her initially be against the date with Ben because her mother wasn’t the dating type. Have her interest in magic be because her mother is. Then her telling her mother off at the end of the third act all the more climatic.

The other thing is to remove the manipulation of Ben with the love potion. Instead, it would make more sense to infect Audrey with some kind of hatred spell. Audrey already doesn’t like the Core Four, so the spell just makes her more obsessed and spiteful of them, therefore Audrey has more reason to want revenge on Mal in movie three other than stealing her boyfriend when the spell breaks.

Movie two‘s main arc is trying to figure who she is by going back to her roots, magic and then the Isle. Her conflict with Uma is more a result of her pre and post Auradon side as she still cares about Ben, lovable puppy that he is, even when she’s trying to be the person she was before. However I am going to get rid of the whole love spell thing Uma does since magic doesn’t work on the Isle and it’s never explained how she got off the isle and did the spell

By the end of the movie, Mal embraces the better parts of her old self and the better parts of her new self and along with having one of my favourite movies endings with the dancing boat scene, she tells Ben her actual real faery name, a sign of utmost trust: Morgana.

Movie 3 is more like a tv show with an A plot and a B plot. A plot is “actions have consequences” primarily focusing on what she did to Audrey. B plot is “how to keep her deal with Uma without endangering the people she cares about” because in case anyone forgot the Isle holds people like: attempted murderers, actual murderers, abusive parental figures, people who have committed high treason, people who have attempted regicide and/or identity theft, attempted animal murderers, people who are willing to manipulate a teenage girl who’s stuff got destroyed to gain power, a jock, whatever the fuck Captain Hook was trying to do. It isn’t safe to release them onto Auradon and just assume their grudges will go away.

By the end of the movie when Hades, who isn’t her dad in my version, gets on his high horse, Mal rightfully admits it was her fault Audrey went this far but also that Audrey is like seventeen, nobody died, and that there was little to no collateral damage. As for the whole villain kid parent thing, Mal and Ben reinstate something I’m calling the “Villain Rehabilitation Act” which is basically a rehab/help centre type thing that allows villains who want to change the opportunity to change in things like a larger scale Remedial Goodness class, finding jobs where their skills come in handy, and finding Auradon citizens who are willingly to help them get better. 

Also due to fairy physiology, Mal should have wings. The basics for me is that a fairy’s shoulder blades are more pronounced to act as the breaking point for wings, but because Mal was on the island the anti-magic prevented them from growing out properly but also technically hid the pain so when she reaches Auradon she has back problems and what looks to be fractals from the damage her lack of wings has caused. It also acts as a catalyst in the first movie when she goes to Fairy Godmother for help and kind of experiences genuine motherly affection as Fairy Godmother breaks the unofficial rule not to use magic to break Mal’s wings out of her back with as little pain as possible. Like all wings they’re translucent with fairy magic in a physical form being the sparkles/glitter, but hers are dragon shaped.

Part Two: Evie

Since I can’t just make Evie the protagonist without doing a bunch of movie rewriting, we shall keep Evie as the deuteragonist/tritagonist that she is. Also like the others, her character arc is handled in the movie and then she’s fairly stable for the rest. Evie’s major character arc in movie one is to not trade her passions to get the guy. This is dealt with through her two most defining relationships in Auradon: Doug and Ben. While Jay is her best friend, more on that in a the next part, it’s those two that basically help Evie to ditch the persona she had put on. She’s still boy crazy and wants a nice castle, but she should be herself. Evie is fashion savvy, empathetic, and genuinely smart and she shouldn’t throw it out. By the time two and three roll around, she’s got an upcoming business, a sick boat party to look forward to, and is making bank by embracing and sharing her fashion. Her time on the Isle isn’t ever really discussed because for a good portion of it, she was locked in her house for not inviting Mal to her birthday party, so she actually knows the least about the Isle. However, that is unimportant as she acts as the bridge between Mal’s old and new self having figured out how to be her best self without getting rid of the person she was, and in movie three she’s legit done with all the fighting because she is the most emotionally mature which is why she suggests the ice breakers because Audrey is clearing a danger to herself and others and we don’t have time for your power trips.

Part Three: Jay and Carlos

You know when we reach the “and” I’m running out of stuff to do. This is probably where we reach the point where it’s primarily background or aesthetics that change more than a storyline.

Jay is the only member of the Core Four to be born in Auradon. His mother is alive and well. Just before our gang was born, the Villain Rehabilitation Act happened, and Jafar decided why not in a ploy to get power, but then befriended and fell in love with Jay’s mom, but the act was revoked for unknown reasons and Jafar, as well as baby Jay were sent back to the Isle, even though Jafar was one of the least dangerous villains at the time. So technically for Jay, Auradon is a chance to meet his mom. Which he does on Family Day before the whole Queen Leah drama. THe other notable thing about Jay’s past is his friendship with Evei, which began when he broke into the castle to hide after stealing some stuff for his dad and Evie hiding him from her mom. Friendship blossomed from there and the two will often hang out because of this.

Carlos is both easy and hard to work with. For example, appearance wise he would have movie two hair, the peak hairstyle honestly, but everything about him personality wise is a lot more… poised. He still likes tech, but fall out of the limo he does not. However he’s not great at talking to people without being kinda bitchy. His main issue with Jane is her lack of self confidence, so even after the hairstyle upgrade in movie one he still kinda sees her as spineless though he’d never say it outloud.

His arc is friendship through the doggo and like compliment sandwiches. Taking care of Dude and having to give positive critiques teaches him empathy, constructive criticism, and a better way of complimenting people by pointing out the effort a person put into something, even if the result isn’t great. There’d be a part of the dance in movie one where Carlos tells Jane that her problem isn’t her appearance, but her lack of confidence and offers to help her figure it out. Also his crush on Jane stays but the whole having trouble asking her out is either ignored or dealt with very quickly. Like they’re about to go to the Isle to get Mal back and Carlos spots Jane and asks if she’ll be his date to Cotillion if he gets back in time for it.

Part Four: Ben

The gist is that a single strand of his dad’s curse is in his  DNA and fairy magic can strengthen it, so for movie one, other than the whole Audrey thing, his major conflict is that he’s in love with a woman who can legit turn him into a beast. I mean there’s magic water and true love, but it’s still a terrifying thought to him, especially since Ben is a total sweetheart and doesn’t deserve it. Interestingly enough, he finds that nothing actually happens when he’s with Mal until movie two when we learn Fairy Godmother was requested to bury the curse so on the Isle, where magic doesn’t work, he’s basically a ticking time bomb since the beast curse was still gaining strength from Mal’s untamed magic and since it’s also genetic, it can affect him on the Isle. It mainly takes the form of claws and being a bit more on edge. By the time they return home, the spell is placed back on him, and is subsequently broken again in movie three. Ben can’t catch a break, but once the whole enchanted water puts him at a halfway point, he learns of Mal’s deal and brings up the old Villain Rehabilitation Act since it’s what he based his exchange program on and is able to find the moving fairy cottage by following the smell of Audrey’s perfume. Movie three’s whole thing is the acceptance that his curse is kinda cool and that fangs are fun.

Part Five: Antagonists

Movie two has Uma as the antagonist with Harry and Gil as like lackeys. Uma does not hate just Mal. Evie, Jay and Carlos all got to leave the Isle and get a better life, but Mal had power on the Isle and even though Uma rose when she left, she still feels it was just given to her. Her goal is to truly beat Mal so her power feels justified. Harry goes along cause he’s like lowkey in love with Uma, but like he just has a general thing for confident women and gravitated to Uma due to shared interests, and Gil had nothing better to do. That’s why he’s the odd one out. Somehow after the whole Ben kidnap fails, Uma escapes the Isle but rather than mind control Ben cause no thanks, she decides to ruin cotillion. Unlike before, Uma has been humiliated by Mal, so attacking the boat with her octopus tentacles is a pretty big fuck you. When that fails she hides out in her mother’s old lair until movie three. Meanwhile Harry and Gil are left with trying to hold the crew together but by movie three it’s broken up which is why Harry and Gil decide to break out and are less then excited to see Uma initially since she abandoned them. But again, they’re happy that she’s back. Harry does kinda break away from Uma such as complimenting Evie back after she compliments his accent, but it’s Gil who has the best character arc as he becomes part of a himbo duo with Jay. Gil honestly doesn’t need to change, he's great as he is.

So we’ve already covered movie one’s antagonist, Audrey who was a means to an end created by Mal and while Mal does break it, I don’t imagine she apologized for it. So she vanishes before the dance sequence and goes to deal with every that’s happened and also probably to be a witch on the Charmed reboot, I don’t know for sure. But movie three Audrey is a different story ignoring the end, which was talked about as well. Audrey’s primary goal in movie three is to get back at Mal which is deserved, and Queen of Mean is a bop so it’s staying. The downside is Audrey is so invested in revenge she doesn’t think to stop using Maleficent’s wand which was created to be used by a fairy. Fairy wings basically act as a magic battery, constantly replenishing the magic used by spells, so when a human, like Audrey, uses it, when it runs out of magic, it’ll use Audrey’s life as energy ie. it puts her in a coma. When Audrey does wake up thanks to Hades, she finally gets her apology from Mal and while they aren’t friends, they don’t hate each other. She also trades the pink for blue as pink reminds her of things like activating the curse on her ex-boyfriend or locking Chad in a closet. 

Next is Hades who isn’t Mal’s dad. That was kinda dumb. His plan is mostly the same, escape the Isle by making people feel bad for him, but again, Mal doesn’t fall for it at the end, not only by pointing out that she pushed Audrey into doing that while no one did to Hades, sure he was stuck in the underworld but he never tried to find a positive in it, and you know, people died during Hades’s titanomachy. By the end however, he is allowed to go back to the underworld rather than the Isle.

Part Six: any other characters that are primarily just minor fixes that don’t need their own section

Doug is fine. While he does have a crush on Evie, his primary goal in helping her is just that. There’s no ulterior motives. Also his season three hair is a yikes.

Chad is also fine. I like that he’s clearly got good self-preservation skills shown in movie three, and giving him claustrophobia helped me sympathize with him.

Jane is a top tier character, fight me. Major difference in movie one is that her following of Audrey in movie one is because she wants to be liked and thinks that’s the fastest way, but she doesn’t insult Mal, and actually asks to have her natural hair back after the whole dance thing.

Lonnie, proving mlm wlw solidarity is great. I like her friendship with Jay in movie two and her being a boss as bitch and also when she puts her foot on Chad’s back to make doing push ups harder because Chad still sucked in movie two.

The og parents are fine. Dizzy is great, wished we had more of her in D3.

Part Seven: should’ve been a show

And I don’t mean like Wicked World, which like the books is non-canon in this, but like an actual tv show. So much could’ve been done with the Isle that just wasn’t. Mal probably wouldn’t be such a contentious character if we didn’t have to cram the plot into a two hour movie. They wouldn’t even need to start the show with them meeting, since they could follow the format of Once Upon A Time and have each episode show things like how Mal, Evie, Jay, and Carlos became friends, or how the whole Shrimpy thing happened. Descendants, and Barbie Princess Charm School, would work better as a tv show over a movie. At least I think so.

There it’s done.

[dragontune79]

23 Of The Best Fantasy Books Everyone Should Read|Fantasy Books

The first Dark Tower book, The Gunslinger, is a faulty book - although the much older, much wiser, much better author Stephen King released an upgraded version. Keep in mind that the original was published over 30 decades back, in 1982. The Dark Tower is clearly a story along with a theory that King has been pursuing his writings for many, many years. In fact, several of his novels indirectly tie to the Dark Tower. The father of contemporary fantasy and only an enjoyable novel to read. The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant has to go on the list too. For me personally, Abercrombie is in the top 5, best served cold. Also, not many men and women know her, however, Patricia A. McKillip has written some of the best fantasy books I've ever read. These are fantasy novels which don't discriminate between teens and adults and are perfect and precede lots of the novels on this listing. I've just started reading dream so I'm excited about reading those on this list. I have to urge'The Last Wish' by Andrez Sapkosky as it is the book that got me hooked on fantasy books.

Gemmell was a successful writer, and a great one at that. His novels are always intrigued by the idea of heroism and the individual sacrifice needed to be a fanatic.

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Top 25 Best Fantasy Books From The Magician Trilogy Series... (

Even if you think you do not like young adult novels, I think you should give this novel a go, and judging by the number of Goodreads testimonials, and therefore do a lot of other men and women. Urban Fantasy, the sister subgenre of contemporary fantasy, boomed in the 2000s and early 2010s. Since then, it's dwindled and stabilized-although I maintain that we're seeing a revival with more varied personalities and authors-but here are a couple of standout top dream books from that earlier era. Sanderson is arguably one of the most prolific fantasy authors working in the genre now. In a genre where readers are utilized to waiting years between installments in a string, this is very refreshing. It is one of the reasons he has developed a very large, dedicated fan base. If you're not acquainted with Sanderson's work, he is best known for his clear-cut, nearly scientific-looking magic systems. To compile this list, I used Goodreads and appeared in many of metrics. I took into consideration the number of reviews, the supply Of reviews, and also the year of publication. Fantasy is such an established genre and one of the most popular on Goodreads, therefore old books have a distinct advantage over recent novels. Both series have ambiguous characters which are neither black nor white. The Black Business focuses on a small group of characters rather than a massive cast, as in Malazan. The Farseer world is enormous and today spans 15 novels. Read more about digital library here. The chronological arrangement is such that two of those trilogies are TIE-IN series that do not feature the characters in The Farseer.

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And now, with the fantasy genre moving in entirely new directions with the likes of Martin, Abercrombie, Lynch, Lawrence and Sanderson, Hobb's functions are still worthy of being on anybody's top fantasy publication list. It's like that good old fashioned dinner you go to, there is nothing especially new on the menu but you know what you are getting and it's always delicious. Add to that a compelling plot and excellent prose and these books become a delightful read. The novels are also home to the most hated villain to ever grace the pages of dream.

Show the Heritage Of Kushiel Series

This publication has been on several versions of the list of greatest fantasy books and it is still on the record, even in 2016. It is such a standout book that in a crowded genre with many greats, it is still one of the greatest, if often overlooked and underrated novels. The Black Business might be satisfactorily described as"sensible fantasy," a term applied to Martin's A Song of Fire and Ice and Erickson's Malazan series. Fans of Malazan Book of the Fallen in particular should feel right at home in The Black Company, as both string follow businesses of soldiers in conflict fairly tightly. Both series contain epic struggles involving magic and chaos.

[secret-diary-of-an-fa]

Hidden Gems of the Silver Screen (And, to a Lesser Extent, the Telly)

It can’t have escaped your notice that the majority of my more recent posts (and fuck knows I’m not posting regularly at the moment) are about movies and TV. The reason for that is pretty simple: 2019 has, surprisingly, yielded some great movies and TV... and also some really torrid shite. On the one hand, films like Ma, Brightburn and The Perfection continue to breathe new life into the horror genre. On the other hand, sci-fi as a cinematic and televised thing continues to ignore its actual audience in favour of sniffing its own farts in a sound-proof chamber designed specifically for next-level virtue-signalling. One thing I will say about the dreck of 2019 is that it’s interesting dreck, at least so far. Another Life, for example, isn’t just bad: it’s mind-bogglingly, fascinatingly bad, as though someone set out to make the worst TV series imaginable and accidentally created a portal to another dimension made entirely of crap.

With all the amazingly wonderful and transifxingly terrible visual media on offer lately, it’s easy to forget that there’s a rich repository of films and TV series from just a few years ago that you’ve probably never watched. You see if you, like me, are a snooty, card-carrying member of the elitist intelligentsia, you probably missed films and TV series that looked dumb as soup on the surface on the grounds that they weren’t worth your time. Luckily for you, I’ve dived nose-first into the detritus of our dying culture, so you don’t have to, and I’ve ferreted out the diamonds from the pig-swill. Without further ado, I’d therefore like to present my list Easily Overlooked Gems.

1. Mandy The phrase “Nicholas Cage stars in a sword-and-sorcery rape/revenge thriller” does not inspire confidence. It’s therefore easy to ignore Mandy and the promptly forget it ever existed. Which is a shame, because it’s kind of a work of genius. The plot is exactly what you’d expect: a cult kidnaps, rapes and kills Cage’s girlfriend, Mandy, and Cage sets out on a mission of revenge culminating in a blood-bath. The nature of the revenge quest is what puts a sting in the film’s tail- or tale, if you’re feeling puntastic. You see, a lot of the bad guys exist in a constant hallucinatory haze after taking a drug that sent them mad after one dose. In order to fight on their level, Cage has to take a dose too. As a result, the world around him slowly but surely transforms into a nightmare landscape that looks like a cross between a D&D illustration and the cover of a heavy metal album and his grubby, personal mission of fury takes on the unmistakable resonance of a Conan-esque hero’s quest. By the end of the film, you have to wonder if Cage has actually slipped into some sort of alternate dimension or if he’s just lost his game-pieces completely. In places, it’s nearly as painful to watch as Landmine Goes Click (crikey, there’s one for the history buffs) but it looks and feels like Beyond the Black Rainbow. Worth your attention just because of how weird it is. I give it a solid four-out-five decapitated rapists.

2. Baby Driver Nothing about Baby Driver suggested it would be a good film: the way it was advertised as a car-chase movie trying to be cute; the stupid title; the fact that it came and went through cinemas like a fart in the night. Which is a shame, because it’s secretly brilliant. It’s a highly stylised crime film populated with the archest archetypes money can buy (to the point where some of the dialogue has a weirdly beat-poetic feel to it). It’s saturated colour palette and off-beat affect actually have something of a full-colour Jim Jarmusch flick about them. The hook, of course, is that the lead character (only ever referred to as Baby, because he’s got a punchably youthful face) has tinnitus and therefore has to listen to music constantly to drown at the buzzing in his head. The practical upshot of this is that a) every single scene is overlayed with surprisingly great and situationally appropriate music and b) he goes through life like he’s always dancing, so his way of moving lends to the film’s easy-going sense of flow. It also explains where his preternatural driving skills come from (I mean, not really, but within the context of the plot): he’s used to sliding effortlessly into patterns and rhythms because of the music thing. All of this could make a terrible film, of course, but execution is everything and, to everyone’s surprise, especially mine, this flick was executed with an astonishing level of panache. I rate it ten out of ten grizzly motor way pile ups.

3. Nightflyers It’s not just films that get overlooked as the tide of culture washes back and forth, like a great big sea of effluent. TV series also vanish unduly into the dustbin of history. Case in point, the criminally underappreciated Nighrflyers: Netflix pre-Another Life sci-fi offering that was actually good. It’s a pretty classic set-up: a group of mismatched wing-nuts on a spaceship, all of whom have secrets that that will threaten to tear them apart while they try to make contact with an alien life-form. What elevates Nightflyers is just how fuck-uped the cast are. There’s an angry British psychic whose spent his whole life in captivity in case he goes full Scanners on somebody’s head, a guy who only ever appears as a hologram for reasons too twisted to explain here, his evil mother whose uploaded her mind to the ship’s computer and gone batshit crazy, a genetic superbeing and a hacker who can send her mind into computers via a dodgy implant and who may or may not be drifting out of touch with the human condition. It’s great. 6 and half billion out of 7 billion monkeys, boiling in the void.

4. Hardcore Henry No, I don’t know who thought that title was a good idea either, but the point is that Hardcore Henry has no motherfucking right to kick as much arse as it does. It was clearly made on a budget that would embarrass a Youtube shampoo commercial, but it just flat-out rocks. Shot entirely in first-person, it follows the adventures of a mute cyborg as he seeks revenge against the bastard psychic entrepreneur who first built him then tried to kill him. Along the way, his main ally is a dude who keeps dying and coming back to life in a series of identical bodies but with radically different personalities and haircuts (this is eventually explained, but I’m not going to spoil it for you). It’s premise is demented, it’s surprisingly well-choreographed and its soundtrack is an aphrodisiac for your ears. Also, Tim Roth is in it, so that’s just yer seal of quality right there. It came out to a lot of fanfare and many, many cinema trailers back in the day and was then promptly forgotten about as soon as it launched. So I’m dragging it kicking and screaming back into the limelight. It’s on Netflix right now, so go watch it. I rate it a solid 11 out of 15 creepy duplicates of Tim Roth.

5. Upgrade Another lesser-known film about a cyborg. Unlike Henry, however, this cyborg’s life doesn’t so much ‘rock’ as ‘suck balls’. He gets crippled and then ends up with a sentient computer chip in his head that allows him to remote-control his own body despite not having a working spine anymore. Naturally, his experimental tech attracts the attention of some unsavoury characters and he and his brain-chip have to work together to figure out what’s going on, often through a series of ultra-violent, gory fight-scenes that horrify the protagonist himself. Of course, all might be well, except that the head-chip is a homicidal little shit that clearly has its own agenda. I give it at least 0000 0111 out of 0000 1001 painstakingly restored vintage kill-bots.

6. The Tick The Tick isn’t as overlooked as everything else on this list, especially since there have been a couple of previous televised incarnations of the franchise to lay the groundwork. However, I still feel like the modern iteration doesn’t quite get the love it deserves, so I’m throwing it out here. Following the adventures a mad, amnesiac and possibly stupid superhero and his neurotic sidekick, The Tick explores a world where superheroes aren’t the paragons of good from classic comics, the corrupt psychotics of The Boys or Watchmen, or the eternally struggling, walking moral life-lessons of modern cinema. Instead, they’re just ordinary people operating at various levels of competence/incompetence and mental illness and working within a bureaucratic, wildly inefficient framework. That might not sound like a recipe for a successful TV series, but it really is. Drawing out the mundane, human side of heroes and villains against the backdrop of cataclysmic, civilisation-threatening events makes for infinitely compelling and very, very funny viewing. It’s kind of doing for the superhero genre what Futurama did for sci-fi a few years back. It’s also where the phrase and/or popular song ‘seven billion monkeys boiling in the void’ comes from. My rating is four out of five sapient, homosexual boats (which will make sense when you watch it).

7. The Void Amid the high-budget horror extravaganzas of recent years, it’s easy to forget about the void, which feels like the best story H.P. Lovecraft never wrote and looks like David Chronenberg tried to adapt a Heironimous Bosch painting... in the ‘80s. The actual plot concerns a group of people getting trapped in a hospital by murderous cultists and discovering dark secrets and, arguably, a whole other dimension in its basement. You’re not exactly there for the plot though: The Void is a mood-piece and an exercise in visual FX craftsmanship. You’re there to drink in the atmosphere and see what each new cosmic horror looks like. I am delighted to award it ten out of ten unspeakable whisperers in the darkness. That’s enough for two barbershop quartets, an emcee and a supporting act.

8. Happy Death Day It’s Groundhog Day but as a horror film starring a really annoying lass in her late teens has to keep dying horribly until she learns to stop being such a terrible person... and also kill her murderer with a little help from her newly-minted, non-cunty friend. There’s a sequel that I haven’t seen yet, but the original is a low-key, oft-overlooked delight. I give it 9 out of 11 suspiciously similar corpses.

[bigherosixfeels]

Nega-Globby REVIEW

Well our dear old friend, Bob Aken was right. Further study did unlock more potential.

Globby is back and is trying to figure out where he fits in. Trying to get a job when your glob gets everywhere is a bit of a dealbreaker for most businesses, but Hiro manages to convince Aunt Cass to hire him. It's about what you'd expect it to be; a disaster. At least Cass gave him a chance.

In the meantime, Honey Lemon decides that she wants to cure Globby. It's a bit more diificult than she anticipates, but luckily, Karmi is able to help her with all the bio-related stuff. They make a great team and it's nice to see these two getting along. Between all their ideas and hard work, they managed to successfully find the cure for Globby, turning him back into Dibs.

Dibs does try to get used to being human again, but he soon realizes that he misses being Globby. Being a villain who later turned into a hero made him a feel special. After a heart-to-heart with Felony Carl, Dibs shows up when a battle with a new, evil glob monster Nega-Globby unfolds. He steals Honey Lemon's chem-purse and after it got run over by a bus, he's able to be Globby yet again! It's what he does best and it's really refreshing to see him continue to be a hero, loved by the citizens of San Fransokyo.

Of course, Nega-Globby never would have become an issue if it hadn't been for Liv and Chris. When Honey asked Granville if she could use her lab to attempt curing him, Liv happened to overhear this conversation. Later on in the night, Chris snuck into SFIT and managed to get a sample of Globby's glob. After messing around with it, Liv caused the glob to become unstable and it eventually escaped, but not before an eyeball merges with it. While there's been a lot of nightmare fuel in season 2 so far, that moment caused a physical chill to go down my spine. Also, Chris...I trusted you!

All of this leads up to the epic battle between Globby and Nega-Globby! Nega-Globby is a lot bigger and more intimidating, but Globby is able to do great on his own. Not only that, but Honey is able to use the prototype for a new chem-purse. It grabs the attention of our new foe and he gets into just the right form for Globby to swallow whole. And may I just say the music during this fight was incredible! When are we getting a soundtrack released for this show?!

While Globby may have won this fight, our last scene hints that this won't be the last we see of Nega-Globby. That eyeball looking around gives me the creeps!

Things I Liked:

“Please, Mr. Globby is my father. Or would be if my dad went through a freaky mutation.”

Honey’s new upgraded chem-purse!

BAYMAX GIVING A HUG TO GLOBBY SO PRECIOUS

Hiro convincing Aunt Cass to hire Globby

HONEY AND KARMI BEING BIO-BESTIES

Chris punching through the security bot

Globby really trying his best in the cafe

The cure was a success!

Liv’s smile after she messed with the glob

Chris dropping the umbrella in shock

THE ENTIRE CONVERSATION BETWEEN DIBS AND FELONY CARL

“Hey. You’re in a safe space.”

THOSE PHOTOS WITH OBAKE MY HEART

Honey trying to get through to Nega-Globby, thinking it was Globby

Dibs running up to Nega-Globby, completely forgetting he’s human

Dibs dropping the “Someone has to help” line

Globby is back and being a “freak” is his happy place!

THE SONG DURING THE FIGHT! WHAT A BOP!

Globby getting the appreciation he deserves

THE EYEBALL WHAT’S GONNA HAPPEN TO GLOBBY

Things I Disliked:

Now, after what went down in Prey Date, I do think it’d be a little unrealistic for Hiro and Karmi to be good friends, but I’m sad to see them going back to their bickering ways so quickly. They showed great progress with what looked to be potential friendship, but Karmi is clearly uninterested and Hiro is still frustrated. Still, fingers crossed that it’ll happen at some point!

On a scale of one to ten...I’d rate Nega-Globby an 8.6!

[fly-pow-bye]

DuckTales 2017 - “The Dangerous Chemistry of Gandra Dee!”

Story by: Francisco Angones, Madison Bateman, Colleen Evanson, Christian Magalhaes, Bob Snow

Written by: Christian Magalhaes

Storyboard by: Jean-Sebastien Duclos, Sam King, Jason Reicher

Directed by: Jason Zurek

Dangerous!

We begin this adventure in a dark and stormy night, caused by a villain who calls himself Dr. Atmozfear. GizmoDuck shows up and attempts a one-liner about how he's going to rain on his parade. It's made quite clear this was not his best line, even Dr. Atmozfear points out that he must not really be trying, but Gizmo has an excuse: not only has he spent better one-liners against two other weather-based villains, he is so overworked as a superhero that he couldn't re-up his puns.

Showing that off even more, he gets a phone call right in the middle of this encounter, showing that he's so busy, even explanations about how he's so busy gets interrupted. The villain even says almost exactly that; his other part of his villainy is explaining the joke. He eventually punches him out, and uses the exact same one-liner he used slightly more confidently, much to Dr. Atmozfear's derision. Pointing out your jokes aren't funny isn't usually a good idea, but it does work for the rest of the plot.

After taking care of that umpteenth villain, we see Huey and Webby waiting for Fenton Crackshell-Cabrera to show up. Webby still doesn't know who GizmoDuck's secret identity is, but Huey does, and he desperately tries to keep the secret as Fenton walks out of an alley coincidentally after GizmoDuck crashes into that alleyway and disturbs a cat. Webby connects the dots immediately, and asks Fenton if his GizmoDuck suit has a toilet in it.

Thankfully, he never answers that question, but he does have to add Webby to the growing list of people who know his secret identity. He decides to walk into an electronics store to find a birefringent beam splitter, only to be blasted.

No, not by a ray gun, but by a bunch of TVs. This electronics store decided to have every news channel play at the same time. Yes, I know, it's to show that every news station in Duckberg is talking about that amazing superhero. Well, one of these news reports ends up being very apparent to me, and it's easy to see why.

Tom Kenny: So once again, the day is saved, thanks to Gizmoduck!

I was so glad I wasn't drinking coffee here, because I would have spit it out, got it all over my keyboard, and had yet another excuse to delay a review. It's been so long since I've heard anything like that in a current show, and I didn't expect to hear it here, of all places. Fenton asks around for those birefringent beam splitters, and someone helps him out.

This lady knows what that is, and throws it to him. Fenton just can't believe someone else would know what a birefringent beam splitter is, with the implication that he can't believe that it would be her in particular. She doesn't exactly call him out on it, but she does say that working with hard physics can be hard for a rookie.

Fenton defends himself, saying that he's actually scientist for McDuck Enterprises. Not impressed, she talks about how he's into "sellout science", and that she doesn't kiss up to zillionaires and play by any rules. Eventually, he claims that he's working on a dangerous project for himself, playing himself as if he had a dangerous personality, and, with both curiosity and extreme doubt, she wants to see his lab. Fenton just goes along with it, acting like he's the great inventor for Scrooge McDuck.

While this conversation is happening, a different kind of dot-connecting happens with Huey and Webby. Webby is confused about all of this, but the great student of the Junior Woodchuck Guidebook knows this has to be the romantic courting of adults. This one doesn’t have any separate B-plot, but it’s as close as we get here.

It doesn’t help their interpretation that this lady just took his phone and put her phone number in it, with her name, revealing her as this reboot's version of Gandra Dee. From what I can remember, and from what I could see from reading wikis, this is a very different character than the one from the original outside of the "love interest to Fenton Crackshell" part. So yeah, she bought it.

After the "animated character who only wears one outfit deciding between two identical suits" joke, Huey and Webby respond that he should dress to impress his new date. Fenton denies it, saying this is just a melding of the minds. Sure, it would eventually blossom into a relationship that will last as long as they live, but it's not a date!

M'Ma Cabrera shows up, and ends up giving him dating tips and a nice suit to wear for the date that used to be his father's. Also, if she breaks his heart, she promises to come and dismantle her life. She won't fulfill that promise...yet.

Turns out, it's not just Huey and Webby that's assuming this is a date and not the "melding of the minds" Fenton claims it is, as even Launchpad congratulates him on it. For the first time since Season 1, we see Launchpad being able to park his car after recklessly driving. After wrecking his car for the last few episodes we saw him driving it, it's good to see that gag come back.

Gandra Dee: Nice upgrade, Suit. Yeah, you’re definitely the bad boy of science.

Oh, please don’t remind me of that one episode of the other show. He still tries to play this off as a non-date, and doesn't help anything that the latest hit song that's playing on the radio is "It's A Date (Don't Let Him Fool You)". At least he's comforted, knowing that his "interns” are preparing "his" lab.

...and they prepared an Italian restaurant instead, much to Fenton's disapproval, as this was supposed to be "his" lab that he is totally not just an intern for. As for what happened to the actual inventor for McDuck Enterprises:

Gyro: (locked behind a door, banging) You will rue the day!

Webby shows up as the waiter, telling them about the special of the day: spaghetti! She then begs them to choose that, as that's all they made. Of course, they just want to recreate that scene from Lady and the Tramp. Gandra Dee doesn't have any interest in that spaghetti, and she has to walk away to answer a phone call.

They reveal pretty much right at this moment that Gandra is actually working for...oh, boy, Mark Beaks. I get his gimmick, but he was never a villain I felt joy in seeing. Not helping anything is that he's played as this stalker, constantly giving her phone calls.

She already said she works for herself, but could this just be a cover-up for her being a spy? Not helping anything is that, right before the commercial break, Gyro gets out of that door, and, out of pure instinct, she knocks out Gyro with an electric shock from her hands. How she does that will be explained later.

Beak is also drinking this blue stuff, which he will drink in almost every scene until they reveal what exactly it is. Chances are, considering he's drinking it out of glass vials, it's not Gatorade.

As an aside to all of that Italian restaurant stuff, Fenton gets to show off some of his inventions. There's no implication that at least some of these are actually Gyro's, so at least he seems honest about this. This includes a spray that makes anything taste like glazed donuts, and a solvent that melts anything but the hardest diamonds. Surprisingly, the latter doesn't really do that much in this episode. As for the former, she does ask this question:

Gandra: What if the person doesn't like glazed donuts?

Fenton: What kind of monster doesn’t like glazed donuts?

I can smell the callback from here! She shows off a few inventions of her own, telling him to look in her eyes and hold her hand on two separate occasions. Anyone can guess where that ends up with the "Huey and Webby's perfect date" plot. These actually turn out to be eye cameras and nanobot-powered way for her to use her body's electricity to shock people. Yeah, really showing you're not evil there.

Speaking of which, she then talks about how she's not like those pencil-pushers that talk...and then asks if there's a certain other word for talking. We then cut to Mark Beaks listening closely to this conversation. His patience runs out that getting only one of the words he needs, he decides to do a Plan B: infiltrate the lab himself.

The McDuck Manor’s security may not be as high as it was during the 87 Cent Incident, but he still has robot seagulls that shoot any intruder in sight with lasers.

Mark Beaks is this amazing laser dodger now, dancing around them to the tune of that "It's A Date" song from earlier. One thing that does fit him is that he takes out his phone and hacks into the seagulls.

In the middle of all of that, he dabs, because of course he does. Yes, this screenshot really needed to be by itself, and it also speaks for itself. Oh, that Beaks. Oh, and this line shows up, too, as soon as he gets into a vent.

Mark Beaks: (music stopping) What, no signal? Boo!

The importance of having a local music library instead of relying on streaming, a lesson brought to you by Disney.

Cutting back to the lab again, Fenton decides to show off his ultimate invention: a paddleball! We get the real Chekov's Gun for the episode here: the ball from the paddleball is made out of Fentonium, a frictionless material that actually gets faster every time it gets hit. It creates energy, it's named after him, and most importantly, it's dangerous. That's the word of the day for this episode.

They get back to that restaurant. Unfortunately, the spaghetti they rigged to force that kiss has come untied. Huey shows up to start singing as a distraction, while Webby tries to re-tie that spaghetti. Before she could, she notices a phone buzzing, with a message and a ton of voicemails from Mark Beaks, in the date's pocket. Any plans for potential romance are stopped here, needless to say.

After listening to those voicemails, no plot holes here, Webby reveals to Huey about the big plan: Gandra was sent to get her to record Fenton’s voice saying something that can be altered into “Blathering Blatherskite.” Huey gets Fenton, and while he can't believe he finally found someone who sees him as more than just Gizmoduck's not-so-secret identitty, he is none too happy to hear the bad news.

He's not even that mad about how she's a spy, though that certainly doesn't help, but that she ended up being yet another person that only sees him as the guy that turns into GizmoDuck. He eventually just outright says "blathering blatherskite", possibly by accident, possibly intentionally, I'm not sure which, and asks if this is what she wanted.

It turns out to be something someone else wanted. Mark Beaks shows up, and because Fenton just said the words, he doesn't even have to edit any recordings together when he just has that! That codeword activates the machinery in his body, including the nanites he's been drinking and stolen Gizmo tech, and even just one of them could give him strength beyond strength. He drank a bunch of those.

Yeah, that Mark Beaks, he sure knows the internet, whether it be desperately trying to be a memelord, or pandering to D...okay, fine, that joke is way too easy here. Also, insert a joke about a certain Metal Gear Rising villain here.

After Mega-Beaks shows off his massive pecs, GizmoDuck is left with no choice but to fight him. GizmoDuck mostly fights using the usual slapstick, using giant hammers, pies, and even an airhorn that doesn't make that infamous sound effect. Mega-Beaks, on the other hand, uses as much brute strength as TV-Y7-not-FV can allow. I guess since he's in a robot suit, they can get away with it.

One would expect after all of that stalker behavior from, Gandra would go up to that wannabe Adonis and give him the shock treatment, and when Webby uses her old fashioned camera’s flash to distract him long enough to give Gizmo the upper hand...

Gandra: I'm sorry, Suit.

That's not what really happens.

Half of this episode is just wondering if Gandra Dee is going to do a full-on mole reveal. She made her motives clear already: she'll do anything for science, but she doesn't work for anybody. She tries to pass this off, but Fenton, growing a spine, finally calls her out for being a crook. She leaves, her intentions never really becoming clear.

Mega-Beaks goes all King Kong with the kids, hanging off of his own building. He even says himself that this is all because he wants the attention.

This is where I'll just say watch the episode for the rest, as I already summarized enough. I will say it's not entirely predictable, but anyone could guess that Mega-Beaks will eventually lose his muscle.

Another thing anyone could guess is that Gandra eventually turns on Beaks...but her reasoning isn't entirely out of a desire to be good. Gandra Dee herself is an interesting character, and it could pay off in future episodes.

How does it stack up?

I liked this one. Not as much of a high Happy as the last episode, but a Happy nonetheless.

The next one is pretty big.

← Friendship Hates Magic! 🦆 The Duck Knight Rises! →

[the-desolated-quill]

Death In Heaven - Doctor Who blog (Fuck You Moffat)

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

Remember when I said The Name Of The Doctor was the worst series finale in New Who. Turns out I was wrong. This is the worst series finale in New Who. And I do hope Moffat isn’t interpreting this as a challenge, trying to come up with finales worse than the previous year’s. How about writing some good shit for once in your career?

Dark Water was an incredibly bad episode, but Death In Heaven takes it to new, insulting extremes. It’s utter bollocks from start to finish. It’s a mountain of bullshit so rock hard, not even diamond tipped drills could penetrate it. It’s an entire hurricane of piss. It’s... It’s... I didn’t like it.

Having fucked up the Daleks back in the previous series, it seems Moffat is now determined to ruin the second most popular monsters in the show the Cybermen, and he succeeds with flying colours. Is there anything the Cybermen can’t do now? They can fly, they can convert the dead, they can create clouds of Cyber-pollen, and apparently every atom of a Cyber body contains a program to upgrade the human race. At this stage the Cybermen have become so over-powered that they’ve just become utterly boring, evading anything the Doctor throws at them by pulling another random superpower out of their arses.

Also, like I said in my previous review, why are they converting the dead? Why not convert the living like they usually do? And why, once they’ve been converted, do they just stand around doing bugger all? It’s a bit hard to find Cybermen threatening when they pose no fucking threat whatsoever.

And then, as if you couldn’t undermine the Cybermen anymore than he already has, Moffat decides to go in for the kill with Danny Pink. I’m sorry, but Danny the droopy Cyberman has got to be one of the most pathetic sights I’ve ever seen. He wants to erase his emotions because of Clara (which seems like an overreaction to me) and asks Clara to do it for him even though there’s no reason why he can’t just do it himself. It must be out of spite. That’s the only reason I can think of. Oh, but Moffat still wants us to think that Danny and Clara are the perfect couple as opposed to a highly dysfunctional and toxic pairing that would seem more at home on The Jeremy Kyle Show than Doctor Who. 

Also, even in Cyber form, Danny can’t resist chastising the Doctor even though he’s actually trying to help the ungrateful bastard. In fact there’s a lot of Doctor-blaming going on in this episode and I really don’t get why because, as far as I can see, he hasn’t actually done anything wrong. At this stage I wanted nothing more than for Danny to fuck off and die, and I thankfully got my wish, except it had to take the form of a stupid, heroic self sacrifice. This isn’t the first time the Cybermen have been defeated by the power of love, and it’s always been really stupid every time, but this has got to be the most nonsensical. Danny’s love for Clara reverses the Cyber conditioning? Are you seriously telling me that Danny is the only person in the entire world who has loved someone enough to want to save the world? And if that’s not bad enough, Danny gets not one, but TWO stupid self sacrifices when it’s revealed the Master’s teleport randomly only has enough power for one trip (bit fucking convenient) and so he chooses to save that kid that died in that war zone. A series worth of buildup for this cliched pile of shit? Cheers Moffat!

Since I’ve mentioned the Master (I categorically refuse to call her Missy), let’s talk about her. I didn’t think it was possible to be more annoying than John Simm, but Michelle Gomez somehow managed to pull it off. I utterly detested her in this. I’ve never really liked the Master anyway, but I swear the character never used to be this fucking childish. She’s weird, obnoxious and goofy for no other reason other than she’s ker-RAYzay. (seriously, is that the only way Moffat knows how to write villains? She’s basically Andrew Scott’s shitty version of Moriaty in a dress). What’s worse is that the only way to make her come across as even remotely threatening is by making the characters around her act like fucking morons. UNIT have met the Master before. They know how dangerous she is. Why do the soldiers guarding her not react when she very visibly activates her bracelet, breaks out of her restraints and puts on her lipstick? Why does Osgood, who has apparently read all the dossiers about the Master, get so close to her to listen to her whisper and not scarper when the Master threatens to kill her?

Also, what is the Master’s plan exactly? Why Cybermen? Considering these Cybermen have pretty much nothing in common with actual Cybermen, I can only assume they’re there for rubbish fanservice and that Moffat is too fucking lazy to come up with his own ideas.

Apparently the Master wants to give the Doctor his own army to prove the two aren’t so different. It appears Moffat is going for a Killing Joke vibe, but it doesn’t work because while Batman and the Joker are two sides of the same coin, the Doctor and the Master are so diametrically opposed that this whole plot point becomes fucking laughable. It has the same whiff of bullshit that Journey’s End had with Davros chastising the Doctor for ‘taking ordinary people and fashioning them into weapons.’ Like I said about that episode, there’s a world of difference between turning people into weapons and encouraging people to defend themselves. The Doctor is very much the latter, so spare me the ‘we’re not so different, you and I’ crap. Is the Doctor better than the Master? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY!

Yes, once again, it turns out this episode is all about the Doctor. That’s all this bastard series has been about. Characters talking relentlessly about whether the Doctor is a good man or not. It’s utterly tedious to sit through because we all already know the bloody answer. Hopefully the Doctor’s speech about how he’s just an idiot in a box with a screwdriver will finally put it to rest. Not that I’m praising the speech mind. Peter Capaldi does his best, but it’s badly written and stupidly over the top, plus it’s hard to really feel the emotional weight of this speech when all it does is state the fucking obvious. The Doctor isn’t a soldier or a hero. He’s just some guy. Yeah. We know. What, have you only just worked that out Moffat? Why are you boring us to death with shit everyone and their mums already fucking know? Can we move on?

If there’s one thing I hate more than Moffat trying to spin the bleeding obvious as surprising revelations, it’s the bullshit lies and fake outs. Why are the Doctor and Clara lying to each other at the end? What purpose does it serve? (Also trust Moffat for coming up with a pretentious bullshit reason why hugs are bad. It couldn’t possibly be as simple as this Doctor just doesn’t like hugs). What was the point of Clara pretending to be the Doctor to trick the Cybermen? That never goes anywhere. Oh no! Danny is going to be Cyberfied... oh wait. He’s okay. Oh no, Kate Stewart has fallen out of the aeroplane... oh wait, she’s fine. OMG, the Doctor is actually going to kill the Master... oh wait, that wasn’t an orange light. It was a blue light, which means she’s teleported, so she’s probably okay. Wow, the Doctor is finally going to find Gallifrey... oh wait. No. The Master was lying.

Like I said in my previous review, keep wrong-footing the audience and eventually we’ll get sick of the bullshit and stop trusting what we see. I mean look at Osgood’s death. That should have been shocking, but not only is she a one dimensional character that I don’t give even a sub-atomic particle of shit about and is clearly too stupid to live, the fact is none of Moffat’s characters ever actually stay dead, do they? Rory. River Song. Strax. Jenny. Clara. Nobody really dies in the Moffat era, so why bother getting upset about Osgood? She’s probably going to come back in the next series.

But the thing that angered me the most about Death In Heaven is the utter contempt and disrespect Moffat shows to classic series fans. And don’t pretend you don’t know what scene I’m referring to.

Cybermen are converting the dead. The Brigadier is dead. Moffat is an insecure, egocentric hack who desperately wants to stand out from the Who rabble. Take a random guess what happens.

I’ve seen bad Doctor Who episodes before. I’ve been pissed off by Doctor Who before. But never before has an episode filled me with such utter rage. Not even Kill The Moon managed that, and you all know how much I despised that load of garbage. I didn’t take the idea of the Brigadier being a Cyberman particularly well, and I’m not exactly proud to say this, but my reaction was quite extreme. I basically had a full blown screaming fit. I was so angry and so upset by this. I couldn’t believe Moffat would do something so fucking crass and so fucking disrespectful. Yes it’s just a TV show, but the Brigadier was one of my favourite characters in Classic Who and indeed one of the most beloved characters in the entire show. And when a talentless, arrogant smartarse like Moffat comes along and tramples all over those happy, nostalgic memories, I think you have every right to take it personally. This has got to be the most insulting thing Moffat has ever done, and if I wasn’t committed to reviewing the rest of these episodes, I think I can safely say I wouldn’t be watching this show anymore after that.

Death In Heaven is a fucking terrible finale to what has been a fucking terrible series. Yes some episodes had decent elements in them, but it’s largely been awful. Series 8′s only saving grace has been Peter Capaldi, who has done an amazing job in the role despite the material he’s had to work with.

Moffat, go flush your head down the fucking toilet.

[minimoll7]

Aaaayyyy so I found a post where someone shared their top 20 favorites and I decided I wanted to make my own to xD I made this template myself and I have a blank one (tho without text at all, I can input the “Top 20 Favorite Shows” if anyone wants me to). If you wanna do your own with my template, just shoot me an ask or PM!

Hit the read more if you really want to know my opinions on each. I suck at summarizing so it is a bit of a read, sorry about that heh

20) American Dragon: Jake Long - I thought this was the coolest show when I was a kid and I would always try to watch it whenever possible. Tho, while its not as cool now to me as it was back then, I still love this show and its characters

19) Milo Murphy’s Law - As soon as I saw the first ep, I just knew I was going to love this show. I’m a bit behind as of now but I cannot wait for new episodes! This show has a lot of charm and great characters, not to mention catchy songs!

18) Code Lyoko - I absolutely adored this show as a kid and it still holds up as a big fav now. The whole idea of going into a virtual world really fascinated me as a kid. I mean yeah sure Digimon had that to, but I was never really lucky in catching it on TV. Plus, the idea of the virtual world being animated in 3D while the real world was in 2D? Sign me up!

17) Xiaolin Showdown - Another show that I adored as kid and still do now. The characters and animations really made this show for me. I love how they all react with each other and some of the expressions it had to offer are top notch. And let me tell ya, this show has probably one of the funniest villains out there, Jack Spicer. He cracked me as a kid and no matter how times I rewatch the series, he still cracks me up

16) SWAT Kats: The Radical Squadron - I never grew up with this show but I had just recently finished watching it for the first time. The animation for this show, especially at the time, feels amazing and it really does have this nice 90s feel to it. The show itself is really fun to watch and I am a suckers for cats and cool aircrafts. The SWAT Kats’s Turbokat is almost just as cool as an Arwing! I find the characters to be really likable and while I do question some of the designs for the female characters, I overall just really enjoyed them all

15) The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius - Jimmy himself was a huge part of my childhood and it still saddens me that his show doesn’t air on TV anymore. The characters are incredibly memorable to me, especially Sheen. The humor in this show never fails to get me to laugh and I always loved the interactions between a good chunk of the characters

14) Wander Over Yonder - I fell in love with this show after just watching a few episodes. The characters are well-written and the art is jaw-dropping, well, to me at least heh. The show itself is generally very sweet and the humor is great as well! I also adore the fact that Wander himself is always willing to help and its always kind to others. He’s a protagonist that we all need in our lives. Hopefully, we’ll get a season 3 someday

13) Randy Cunningham: 9th Grade Ninja - Love puns? Love action? Love ninjas? Well, this show is definitely for you (maybe). This show has a lot of cheesy jokes and puns, which is something I can appreciate. Puns are always an easy win for me haha The characters themselves to I find to be really likable, especially the main protagonists, Randy and Howard. The villains to are really entertaining as well. The animation for the show can be pretty awesome at times and its a shame that nobody talks about it

12) Fullmetal Alchemist (Brotherhood) - Despite my distaste for blood and guts kind of violence, I couldn’t help myself from watching this anime. The story was amazing in every sense of the word. I’ve never watched anything before that has played with every single emotion I have (and I’m emotional to so that’s saying a lot I suppose haha). The characters and their development was well done as well. I highly recommend this show to anyone who hasn’t seen it (and can stomach the violence)

11) Avatar: The Last Airbender (and by extension, Legend of Korra) - I’m a complete sucker for elemental stuff, which is probably my favorite aspect of this show. Watching the characters fight each other with an element is pure entertainment for me. And speaking of entertainment, the humor. My goodness, this show wasn’t just action-packed, but also hilarious. The character development to is astounding and I’m sure we know just how well-written Zuko’s arc was (like damn son, it felt like a real experience almost). Another show I highly recommend to anyone, along with its sequel series

10) My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic - I remember just how shocked I was when I watched the first episode and found myself loving it. I was never expecting a girly show like this to be as good as it is (and don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with a cartoon being girly, I just expected to be aimed for little little kids). I adore the animation, the characters, the story (when its present) and the lessons that each episode teaches. This show will never stop being entertaining to me, no matter what anyone else has to say

9) Animaniacs - I would’ve rated this show higher but I had to consider every segment the show has, not just personal favorites. Despite that, tho, I absolutely adore this cartoon. I didn’t grow up with it, but I first found it about 5 years ago and have loved it since then. While there are some segments that I strongly dislike, the ones I do love are completely worth it. Buttons & Mindy, Rita & Runt, Slappy Squirrel and the Warners made this show for me and I love them all (especially the brothers ha). The humor is some of the best I’ve seen in cartoons to

8) Over the Garden Wall - This miniseries captured my heart almost instantly. The animation, the story, the characters, I just can’t really hate anything from this show. I love how scary and unsettling the characters can be but yet there’s always a simple reason behind them (well, not always lol). And Greg, like come on, how can you hate this kid. True, he was annoying every now and then, but his innocence and his “words of wisdom” just makes him really likable, to me at least. I can rewatch this show over and over and I can never be tired of it

7) Ed, Edd ‘n Eddy - Whenever I think of cartoons, this one is usually the first to come to mind. This was one of my big favorites as a kid and its still one now. The humor in this show is great and its a gift whenever Ed speaks. And there’s just something special about how the entire show was animated and I can never truly put it into words on just how much I love it. Ed, Edd ‘n Eddy is just one of those where I can’t really explain why I enjoy it so much, but trust me, if you haven’t seen it, its well worth your time (and it also has a really catchy theme song)

6) Pokemon - And by Pokemon, I mean the entire series, not just a specific arc or two. Before I was even into the games or just the Pokemon themselves, I enjoyed watching the anime even as a little kid. The anime is really the only reason why I got into the games in the first place. I know the series can be repetitive, some arcs more than others, but I just can’t stay away. I love Ash, Brock, Misty, Dawn, Serena, Clement, Team Rocket and etc. The slapstick humor in the original season is probably the best of this show’s humor but as the years went on, the battles have become better and better and I just love that. I just love Pokemon and no matter what people say about the anime, I still enjoy it to this day!

5) Watership Down - I would have never imagined liking this show as much I do. I mean true, I’m a sucker for rabbits, but I wasn’t sure if this show was truly great or not, but hey its at number 5, its obviously great! Yeah, the animation and some of the voice acting is quite lacking and the design and voice change in season 3 was hard to adjust to, but the story and characters are well worth it. Its definitely one those gems that don’t get a lot of attention, I highly recommend this show!

4) Generator Rex - Similar to Watership Down, I went in not expecting to love it as much as I do now. I knew the show was going to be great, but boy do I love it or what. Like dudes, this show is incredibly underrated. The whole concept with the nanites and E.V.O.s are just insanely cool. It also had a crossover episode with Ben 10 which was an awesome episode to say the least (also Ben merged with Rex in his Upgrade form and it was freaking sick). Like seriously, if I were to try to explain why I love this show so much, we’d be here for a while. Just please, watch this show if it interests you

3) The Amazing World of Gumball - I fell in love with this show upon seeing the first episode and by that I mean I became obsessed. I love everything about this show. The characters, animation, humor, the references, designs, just everything! And seriously, if there’s any kind of animation I had favored the most from a cartoon, its this one. I adore this show so much and I literally cannot wait for the next episode. It sucks that more story related shows, like Steven Universe and Star vs the Forces of Evil (both of which are still great, don’t get me wrong), takes all the attention away from this one. Its sort of underrated in that sense but seriously trust me, everything about this show is completely worth it. I highly, HIGHLY, recommend this one

2) Teen Titans - Aaahh Teen Titans, was obsessed with it as a kid and I still am now (to bad its hard to find stuff to reblog bleh). This is just one of those shows were I can’t explain why I love it as much as I do. I mean, I know I’ve repeatedly said this (because I’m actually bad explaining why I like things and tend to reuse the same sentences over and over oops) but like, I simply adore the characters and the stories. While Starfire lacked some good character development, the rest of the characters really grows and it never gets boring watching their arcs over and over. Like, I don’t know why I can never bored of this show, but I can’t. I just love it to much (and it also has one of the best theme songs ever)

1) Fairly OddParents - No no no, not the newer seasons. The older seasons! This show was my jam back as a kid and surprise surprise, its still my jam now. Excluding shows meant for toddlers, this was the first cartoon I ever got into (probably, it could’ve been SpongeBob or Looney Tunes but I kind of doubt it). This show means more to me than I could ever say. This show sparked an interest for animation and helped really get me into drawing. I was always interesting in drawing, but this show was what pushed me to keep going. It was also the first show I ever drew fan art for. I remember drawing Timmy and Cosmo almost nonstop for a year there, back when I was 2nd grade and finally taught myself how to draw them. I remember making comics with these characters, sharing and reenacting jokes with friends, never shutting up about it aahhh and come on, well all remember the Jimmy Timmy Power Hours, that crossover was legit the coolest one for me. This show is incredibly important to me and despite the direction the show has gone now, it’ll forever remain as my favorite show <3