#((actually that may not be true i do think i saw. the old movie a long time ago? so i may have had

[ru5t]

nobody: me, as i'm crawling into bed: i mean it just can't be true that there is only one (1) context for touching someone else's daemon

[multi-fandom-lunatic]

I just seen your post on JKR and then Rick Riordan, oh my gosh, where do I even start?

Sit down, I've brought the tea.

So I'm in my 30s, and as you may guess, I was reading Percy Jackson as the books were being published. I joined, I think, just as The Last Olympian came out. I was definitely here for The Lost Hero, and considered myself a longtime fan by then, so, as you may guess, I was in the fandom for quite some time.

I bore witness to everything Rick Riordan did, from fan harassment and bullying to racist remarks he made about his characters. I watched firsthand as he posted how happy he was with the movie casting choices as they slowly came out.

I was watching Supernatural at the time; it was the season where Michael and Lucifer were squaring off, Jake Abel was there, so Season 5 (it ended at Season 15), and I was happy that someone I knew was playing Luke.

Anyway, he was very happy; he would make posts about shooting, being on set. He only started openly hating the movie AFTER it flopped at the box office... I guess it didn't give him the fame and fortune he had expected? Shines a new light on that hate, doesn't it?

I haven't checked in a very long time, but I believe he has deleted those early blog posts where he praised the movie and the sets, taking pictures with the cast and saying they were all perfect. He even said Jake was exactly how he had pictured Luke. Come to think of it, he has buried his blog, as it is not at all easy to find anymore after the whole incident with that blog post on Gaza/Israel.

When I heard he was now making a TV show, I watched him and the cast carefully. The TV show seems to be a slight success, so he's very happy to praise and support it. But what if it flopped?

He would be slagging them all off. I think a lot of actors were put off Percy Jackson on disney as his reaction to the first movie was so unprofessional and he enjoyed letting everybody know how much he hated it.

Back to the fans now, I saw Rick Riordan every week blocking fans, then posting their usernames and pictures/screenshots of what they had said to be blocked by him. The majority of them were young fans telling him they had watched the movie and liked it. He was posting pictures of little kids' profiles and sending his fans out to hunt them down online and harass them. It happened all the time and he enjoyed it so much he even made a Q&A about it on his website (since took down) he knew about the fans bullying other fans too, he openly encouraged it.

I was actually one of the first people to start a Rick Riordan call-out group; this was when I was about 19 or 20. I was documenting his toxic behaviour back then, that was before the problematic aspects of his books came to light. The man has been vile for a very long time.

I am quite happy running a tutorial blog for gifs right now, but if I had the time, I would start a blog with all of my old content back. Sadly the older stuff is lost as it was on my original blog which has been dead for years, but anybody else around 30 who was online during the fandom's original run can tell you how much of a jerk he is. We used to call him Uncle D*ck and a friend of mine actually messaged him with a list of everything problematic he was doing.

He turned very nasty.

The nice guy act is just that, an act. His new Rick Riordan persona came out maybe four years ago now?

There's a reason he posted a lame ass post about harassment in book publishing and how he's going to self reflect upon his own actions when his buddy James Dashner was exposed a couple of years ago. There's a reason he ran from Twitter and there's a reason now why the official Percy Jackson book twitter is often set to private/public without replies... he can't hide his true nature much longer and people are once again waking up to him.

I would not allow my kids within feet of Percy Jackson, that's toxic shit right there.

Oh my goodness. That's some toxic shit right there.

I'm became a PJO fan in early 2023, for context (literally by reading Solangelo fanfiction) and I am beyond disappointed in other PJO fans for ignoring this and myself for not doing adequate research.

The whole movie/show drama is very interesting, definitely did not know about how he began hating it AFTER it flopped. Like, I've always seen it played as him hating it because its book accurate.

But it makes more sense this way. Honestly, I watched the show when it came out and it's not very book accurate at all. I've been scratching my head wondering why he was so kind to it when it was not even that good. But now it makes sense.

Thanks for telling me, anon. Good to know about this, sad it had to be this way.

[remotepixel]

headcanons for platonic peter parker who wants to be your brother sooo bad

AAAA ok i want to say thank you so much for requesting !!!!!! i was literally so excited when i saw it lol.

I set this around Homecoming but didn't specify too much.

TW: yandere themes!

I imagine Peter always wanted a sibling.

-As a bullied, ‘weird’ kid, he grew up wishing he could have someone to hang out with when no one else wanted to.

-Of course, his parents always said no (since it obviously isn’t as simple as young him thought) and he never pestered May and Ben about it, too busy grieving and learning the struggles of money, but the idea lingered well into his teens.

-And, when he met you, he couldn’t help but think maybe God was granting him his wish.

He would be very clingy (to put it simply).

-If you’re in the same school, he’ll make you sit with him and his friends at lunch, walk you to and from lessons, anything to keep himself glued to your side.

-If not, he’ll be constantly checking his phone, texting you 24/7 (or calling you if he can), to the point I wouldn’t be surprised if he got a couple detentions for it.

-He acts like being away from you is the worst thing to ever happen to him.

-Like if doesn’t get a constant reminder that you’re not ignoring him and you’re just busy he’s gonna drop dead.

Outside of school, he would normally invite you around his house to build lego Star Wars or binge old movies no one else your age knows.

-I think he’d really like having things only between you two - like an inside joke or a project you work on together - both because he has an excuse to talk to you, and because it makes it seem like you’ve know each other your whole lives (something he wishes desperately was true).

I imagine Aunt May seeing you two hanging out one day, squabbling about how to properly ensemble the last piece (he’d probably go with your judgement no matter what though), and tells him something along the lines of ‘stop fighting with your sibling’ as a joke.

-The way Peter’s face would just be 😯 before breaking into a massive smile that permanently stays on his face for the next month.

-Like, even Aunt May agrees that he’s your brother, that's basically the same as her adopting you, yeah? no-

Peter is a bit delusional if you couldn't tell.

-Like, the way he constantly called Happy because he convinced himself that it was gonna go through eventually? Yeah, you’re getting the same treatment.

-He assumes you feel the same even if you so much as look at him (I bet he’ll think it’s some ‘sibling secret code’ and look at you in the same way so it looks like he understood).

That isn’t to say he’s ignorant to your emotions though.

-He copies your feelings in a way - like, if you’re sad, he’ll be as well, if you’re angry at something, he’ll be angry, etc.

-He isn’t one for violence but I don’t think he would care if Spiderman webbed/roughed up a few people who were annoying you (I don’t think he’d do much more unless you were in serious danger or he got too caught up into his feelings like in no way home).

I can’t believe I didn’t mention this before but he would be so jealous if you actually had (a) sibling(s).

-Like, he’s supposed to be your brother, but now he has to compete with people who know you so much better than he does? People who get to live with you and say you’re related without getting funny looks?

-(He lied to MJ once and it immediately backfired- he just wanted someone to actually think you and him were siblings, ok? Is that really a crime?)

-I don’t think he would have it in him to be outright mean to them, but he wouldn’t be overly nice either, just neutral enough to hide any jealously and not get banned from seeing you.

He tries not to come across as pathetic (don’t tell him he lowkey is-) but he’s never had much of a family before. Sure, he has Aunt May but everyone else? Dead, just like that.

Siblings is a whole new world for him and he just wants to be there for you, be your role model like Stark is for him, and prove that he can be the best brother ever.

I have re-read this but my tenses might be messed up </3

[the-ultimate-puppeteer]

Ellen and/or anby with a triplet phaethon !M S/O that acts like dante (I know you don't write for devil may cry i just thought he fit the vibe) if not can you do them with a S/O that shows off alot and trues to act cool all the time.

You can ignore if you want.

Anby with a phaethon sibling boyfriend that likes to show off

•So you're the middle child of the Phaethon siblings and well as cool as being a proxy was to you, you couldn't really get into it, it was so dull and not well showy enough for your tastes

•That's why you decided, why not expand on phaethon and become an agent? You already had an absolute busted resistance to  Ether corruption, so It made sense to not let it go to waste.

•Plus it'll definitely bring in more revenue for the household. You could basically be extra support for hollow raiders who don't lack manpower or want extra firepower

•Which is actually how you ended up meeting the cunning hares a group that included your now girlfriend Anby

•And how does Anby feel about your Showoff nature and so called “cool moments”... She's absolutely here for it

•What did you think she wouldn't think the shit you'd be doing is cool? This girl is a massive movie buff

•Meaning she's seen movies with characters pulling off similar things that you like doing.

•She thought it was already cool to see in the movies she watches, but to see you just casually do all kinds of exaggerated flips or Show flourishes is just awesome to her

•A lot of people would question your choice of equipment. It was just a simple long sword that seemed to have quite an extravagant hilt and guard

•That was until you let out a literal Sword beam when using your so called ultimate, after she saw that for the first time she couldn't get it outta her head how cool she found you

•She eventually finds what inspired you to make your sword and your fighting style. It apparently is an old animated series with several movies as well the series being called Fate

•If it's what inspired you to make such an amazing weapon and have such cool theatrics, then she definitely wanted to watch the series…. Now, if only she could figure out where to start.

[tea-and-secrets]

I'm not sure if this is the right place to confess this, but I really need to get this out of my chest. Feel free to make a post redirecting me to another confessions blog if you'd like, in the meantime I'll just spit out what I wanna say. This will also be a long post, please excuse my ramblings.

on May of this year, a movie from A24 came out called "I Saw The TV Glow", a horror/drama film based on transness created by a transfemme individual. I didn't hear about it when it came out, I haven't seen any trailers or anything, but as soon as it started airing on local theaters on the US, everyone was talking about it. My TikTok FYP kept showing me dozens of videos of trans people crying after they watched the movie, how it was a beautiful touching and anxiety fueled movie that resonated with so many people from the trans community.

I was interested and my expectations were high, I like horror movies and I haven't seen many movies tackling on transgenderism. I told my partner (who doesn't label themself but they sure are every But cis) about the movie and they actually heard about it and was also interested. Since we're a super long distant couple (I live outside of the US while my partner is from there) we couldn't watch it on theaters, but we planned on watching it online at some point.

Well, that "some point" was a week ago. We got on call and watched the movie and... I was kinda disappointed. I didn't Hate the movie, I still think it was good and my partner thought the same, but we didn't see it as a amazing film like so many people were claiming. We both agreed it was a 7/10 movie with a great message, but in the end it was nothing special.

The confession comes from me feeling guilty about this. I feel bad for not liking this movie as much as a trans person compared to every other trans person that loved it. My partner and I read articles about it and even watched videos covering the ending that left us confused and unsatisfied. Later on I searched the movie tag here on Tumblr, and saw many posts of people (trans people) criticizing those who laughed at moments and questioned the movie and started picking it apart after the movie ended instead of staying in silence. I think that's kinda ridiculous considering that was our first reaction to the ending, but apparently everyone on the notes were agreeing with the original posters, even accusing those that did those as "ignorant cis people".

I'm sure people will say: "You didn't like it because you're not a trans woman/trans femme". And you're right about one part: I'm a transmasc non binary person, but that can't be the reason since I've seen trans men and transmascs enjoying and relating/resonating with the movie. "Well clearly You didn't have to hide your identity" I Have to hide my identity to so many of my family members. I can't even get the haircut that I want, I don't have the clothing that will make me feel like im dressing myself, I don't have access to top surgery or testosterone injections. I know who I am, I just can't fully be that person yet. "Maybe you didn't get the message and symbolism" I watched the movie Knowing the symbolism, people on TikTok weren't being really vague about it lol. It's about suppressing your gender identity, suppressing who you truly are and the dangers of doing so. Not transitioning can kill, and Has killed, so many people. No matter who you are or how old you are or where you live, there's still time. There's still time for you to dig out your suppressed identity and turn into your true self. I think the message is Beautiful and So Important, it's just Something in the Execution that didn't work for me, I can't even explain it.

I know that in the end it's not that deep, it's just a movie that a lot of people Love while I just mildly enjoyed. I just wish I cried and adored this movie like everyone else did, I wish I connected to this movie like everyone else did. Maybe one day I will not care about this anymore, but I don't know when this guilt will go away. Hopefully soon.

This is just a me issue btw, my partner feels fine with just finding the movie okay.

.

[peachymilkandcream]

Movie!William Afton x Wife!Reader Scrapped Part 2

(A/N: Someone asked in the comments of the last one for a Part 2 and here we are! Part 2 of Scrapped babyyyy! In which Vanessa is reunitted with her mother. I also may or may not have been watching Markiplier's FNAF playthroughs while writing this but hey. Hope you enjoy and please read the warnings!)

WARNINGS: Implied and mentions of noncon, dubcon, violence, domestice violence, age difference, power dynamic, murder, yandere behaviour, yandere themes, gaslighting, emotional manipulation, descriptions of gore

=============================================

William had been recovering well, his deep wounds had become little more than dark red dents in his skin as he healed. Husband and wife had been silent since that night, aside from simple requests and small talk they hadn't talked about what they saw, what they knew. She knew about the murders, she knew what he was, each of the children, stuffed into the suits of the place where they had brought their own children so many times. And yet she said nothing.

"So are we going to pretend nothing happened?" He asked all of a sudden while she changed his bandages.

"What do you mean?"

"The murders. You know. What got me into that suit, surely you figured it out by now, you're not that stupid."

She pauses for a moment, just long enough to convey her true feelings. "Yes I know."

Annoyed she doesn't continue he presses further. "And? You can't just say nothing."

"What is there to say William? You killed children, you almost died. What more can I say? You think I'd leave you now? Report you to the police?"

"That's how most normal people would react."

His wife sighs, trying to find the words. "Look. You're my husband. I have no life outside of our marriage. No education, nowhere to go, I don't know where Micheal or Vanessa are because you told me they left without a trace so how could I get rid of you? You're my support, my rock."

William lets a half smile come to his face, this was the woman of his dreams. Sticking by him through thick and thin. He almost regrets not telling her years ago about what he did, maybe then he could have someone to help clean up his messes. "You're really are special, you know that?"

She blushes and he tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, settling his hand on her chin and pulling her closer and in for a kiss. All his schemes and plans had led up to this, and he wouldn't trade it for anything.

===========================================

Every once and a while Vanessa liked to visit the old place, despite everything her father had done she had some fond memories as a child here. It was the one place where her mother was happy, all the other memories she had of her were crying or blindly agreeing with whatever her dad said. The times she'd venture to the back office just to witness her father forcing her mother down. Vanessa shivered, sure this place had a few good moments, but most were overcast by the dark shadow of her father's madness.

But memories wasn't why she was there that night, she was searching for William. Ever since that night she couldn't get him out of her head, he was most likely dead from his wounds, but the thought didn't comfort her. She had never actually seen him die, and knowing him, it was like he had nine lives. Worry brought her out tonight, she had to see the body to feel safe in her own home again, content that he really was never going to come for her again.

It didn't help that she couldn't find it now, from what Mike had told her the children had dragged him away in that damn suit, but to where was anyone's guess. The place had always been too big, and now she was scouring it just for a peace of mind.

Lights other than her own flashlight in the main dining room caught her attention. She hoped Mike hadn't brought Abby back to visit, she could kill him for that if William was somehow still alive. But her flashlight slid from her hand when she saw the woman she thought she'd never see again.

"...Mom?"

Her mother looked up, surprised to hear the voice, but tearing up when she saw her sweet daughter. "Vanessa? Is that you my dear? Oh my what are you doing here?"

She holds out her arms for a hug, which Vanessa rushes into. How long had it been since she'd talked to her? Every time she had phoned William answered and demanded that she never call back. The one time the call went through all her mother did was defend William with every breath she had even as Vanessa told her about the crimes he had committed.

"I missed you mom-" Vanessa gives her one final squeeze before letting go. "I should ask what you're doing here."

"Well these things were your father's pride and joy, it hurts me to see them rot like this. Plus I feel like I have more of an understanding of them now."

Vanessa perked up. "Now? Why now?"

Her mother met her gaze. "I know about it Vanessa, what William did, I know about it all."

She sighs with relief, finally her mother believed all the rumours, now with dad gone she could be free of him, free to live her life. "I'm glad you don't have to live with the lies anymore Mom, he kept so much from you."

"I'm sure he had his reasons, your father is a headstrong man."

Frustration flowed through Vanessa, she always did this, her mother never had a backbone on anything except when it came to Dad. People regularly walked all over her and she just accepted whatever anyone said except if it was against that man. "Mom he kept me and Micheal from you."

"But honey you never called, how could he keep me from you."

Tears spring into her eyes. "I called Mom...I called...so many times, he answers and then doesn't tell you I've phoned-"

"Now why would your father do that?"

"Because he's a psychopath Mom, I've been telling you this for years. He hurt you, he neglected us, he murdered children! How can you defend him?!"

"Don't raise your tone at me young lady."

Vanessa sighs and tries to calm her nerves. "Why didn't you leave him Mom?"

She crosses her arms. "And go where Vanessa? You and Micheal left and without an education or a means to support myself where could I go? Your father has given me everything I could ask for. And on top of that I love him to death."

"He hurt you Mom-"

"And I needed a bit of discipline when I was young and reckless, I've changed for the better."

Vanessa sighs. "Whatever, I won't argue." She shifts feet awkwardly. "How have you been holding up though? With him gone."

What she didn't expect was her mother to seem confused. "What are you talking about? Your father hasn't gone anywhere."

Her eyebrows furrow, and dread fills her as she hears footsteps. The same dread that filled her dreams, praying that she wouldn't see her father come through those doors like he did now. "There are you are my love. And who's this? You found dear Vanessa, coming to find me and fix me up, don't worry sweetheart, your mother already did that."

Vanessa stares at her mother with wide eyes. "You helped him!? Why!? Why didn't you just let this bastard rot!?"

"He's your father Vanessa, be respectful, and besides, I couldn't just leave him here to die could I?"

"Yes! You could have avenged those poor children!"

William smirked. "As you can see your mother hasn't forgotten her loyalties like you have. She fixed me up good as new, she was worried about me unlike you. I knew you'd come back, I knew you wouldn't have let that wound kill you so easily. Now you prey on your mother, filling her head with doubts and ideas to fit your selfish narrative. No more. You will never speak to her again or else I'll finish what I started."

"I can't do that Dad, I can't let you continue hurting her."

William sighed. "That's such a shame. We could have been a family again but you insist on breaking your mother's heart." He runs a hand through his wife's hair. "Sweetheart? Go wait in the car while I take care of this with our daughter."

She simply nods, leaving the two alone and not questioning the murderous look in his eye.

"Now Vanessa, shall we finish this?"

============================================

A long time had passed, and finally William joined her in the car.

"Is everything okay honey?" She asked.

"Yes dear, Vanessa and I had a good heart to heart, she won't be bothering us again."

She accepted it, as always, although deep down she questioned why a heart to heart covered him in so much blood.

[cellarspider]

30/30 One last thing.

(Previous) | (Index) | ⛬

⛬

We have come to the end of Prometheus. But depending on how you’re feeling about death of the author right now, it’s not. Not quite yet.

Because Ridley Scott had some things to say after Prometheus came out.

Two months after the movie's release, Ridley Scott gave an interview. Its original home has succumbed to link rot, but it’s still available in a couple places, in the Internet Archive and within the corporate acquisition mass that is Fandango, featuring a weird note of brand revisionism in the relabeling of the interviewer’s affiliation.

Now. Let’s begin by saying this: A movie is a movie. The things around a movie are not the movie. This seems obvious, but it’s to say that a single creative work can be viewed entirely free of outside context, and in most cases it’s best to assume that it will. If a director comes out later and tells people what their intent was, then that’s not part of the movie.

…But it can still sit in your brain for years, leaping out to ambush unsuspecting passers-by.

So! This interview. Ohhh, this interview. I’d forgotten most of it, because the final lines of it just knocked the top of my head clean off, so we’ll be discovering bits of this together.

We start from the end of the movie, with the interviewer asking about the openness of the ending to a sequel. Scott, among other things, said:

“I’d love to explore where the hell [Dr. Shaw] goes next and what does she do when she gets there, because if it is paradise, paradise can not be what you think it is. Paradise has a connotation of being extremely sinister and ominous.”

This came across well in the movie, though it was festooned with the random bit of organic bigotry from Shaw toward David. A short answer won’t capture everything, so I still have no idea if Scott intended for that to be so brayingly insensitive, this is the guy who was fine with Joel Edgerton as Ramses II. In any case, Paradise might be ominous, but Shaw’s not bringing along ideas that will improve it by any means.

This isn’t really the film we eventually got from Alien: Covenant. Is that bad? Honestly, I don’t know that either. Shaw as a character did not have a lot of depth in this movie. Noomi Rapace ended up playing her hurt very well by the end of it, but if that’s your standard of quality in horror acting, then Josh Stewart’s leading role in the grungy Saw-adjacent movie The Collector (2009) will serve you well.

I think they could have built something out of her character, but they didn’t. David is definitely the stand-out character from Prometheus, and they do at least focus on him quite a lot. But I’ve yet to watch Covenant, partly because the structure of it does not interest me. Also, because I’ve heard about what David does when he shows up on the new planet, and bad things happening to crowds are one thing that can make my brain wig out something awful.

Speaking of the Engineers, Scott speaks about their character:

“they’re such aggressive f**kers … and who wouldn’t describe them that way, considering their brilliance in making dreadful devices and weapons that would make our chemical warfare look ridiculous? So I always had it in there that the God-like creature that you will see actually is not so nice, and is certainly not God.” 

Again, we find ourselves at the casual gnosticism of the movie, in which the Engineers are kind of the demiurge in this context. Some christian-influenced people assume that if there is a true god, it must be omnibenevolent, and find the violent and threatening behavior depicted in the Old Testament to be at odds with their understanding of divinity. A lack of benevolence is seen as a sign that the figure depicted must be something else, something that may think that it is a god, but it is not truly, regardless of its role as a creator. Hence, the gnostic idea of the demiurge.

But Scott also seems to confirm my suspicion that he’s not aware he’s recreating gnostic cosmogony through Prometheus, because he doesn’t reach for any of the older sources or the language around him. He instead invokes a rather surface reading of Paradise Lost:

“ In a funny kind of way, if you look at the Engineers, they’re tall and elegant … they are dark angels. If you look at [John Milton’s] Paradise Lost, the guys who have the best time in the story are the dark angels, not God. He goes to all the best nightclubs, he’s better looking, and he gets all of the birds. [Laughs]”

Setting aside the fact that Paradise Lost ends with all the fallen angels having a bad time because God’s turned them into snakes, I will give Scott the tiniest bit of credit, there’s a bit of my brain that saw this in the first scene and thought “that is a strong start”:

Scott eventually continues on the Engineers, and the sacrifice scene at the start:

“That could be anywhere. That could be a planet anywhere. All he’s doing is acting as a gardener in space. And the plant life, in fact, is the disintegration of himself.  If you parallel that idea with other sacrificial elements in history – which are clearly illustrated with the Mayans and the Incas – he would live for one year as a prince, and at the end of that year, he would be taken and donated to the gods in hopes of improving what might happen next year, be it with crops or weather, etcetera.”

Scott is misremembering some things here, which is understandable given the off-the-cuff nature of the remark, but it’s still worth correcting. This is a misattribution of Aztec rituals that would involve the sacrifice of a “teixiptla” representative of a god (such as Xipe Totec, Tezcatlipoca, etc). The Inca didn’t carry out this ritual–they did engage in a human sacrifice ritual called qhapaq hucha, but its form and function was not the same. The Classical Maya also engaged in different human sacrifice rituals, but there was also an emphasis on non-fatal self-administered bloodletting–Maya nobility in particular were often depicted shedding their own blood for this purpose, because noble blood had divine qualities.

This also, to my memory, conflates stories of european human sacrifice rituals, where crop failures are sometimes linked to the sacrifice of kings, such as Dómaldr in the Ynglinga saga, and noted in the placement and treatment of certain bog bodies. The Aztecs did sacrifice to the god Tláloc for crop for good harvests, but the rituals involved were quite different.

It should be noted, of course, that Tláloc was later syncretized with the Christian god during the Spanish conquest, likely as a result of conceptually linking Tláloc’s sacrifices to the demand that Abraham sacrifice Isaac. And, y’know, that conquest was concurrent with the Spanish Inquisition, and the wider religious belief that a heretical witch army was being organized by Satan to stand against God to forestall the Second Coming of Christ, with crop failures being the most feared result of their rituals.

I’ve added all these details not because I want to say Scott is bad for misattributing this stuff, people make mistakes. I have several hours’ access to the internet, Scott did not. However, it is worth noting: How we frame an idea can say a lot about how we conceive of it. Variations on these behaviors are found throughout history, and across cultures. Sacrifices and martyrs are powerful symbols still invoked in western culture today. There’s a potential wandering back and forth between appreciation and exoticization that Scott’s engaging in.

Then Scott says something that made me get up from my chair to find a book to shake at my computer.

“I always think about how often we attribute what has happened to either our invention or memory. A lot of ideas evolve from past histories, but when you look so far back, you wonder, Really? Is there really a connection there?”

Yes.

Yes there is. Ancient peoples weren’t stupid. Ancient peoples didn’t even necessarily have less information to work with than any one modern human, they just had different information that kept them alive and finding solutions to their problems, be it “I need to find food” or “how do I meaningfully participate in my culture’s artistic and governmental traditions, and should they even be followed at all?”

If you want a great and thorough examination of that, check out the book I gesticulated with.

Highly recommended. Graeber was an anthropologist and Wengrow is an archaeologist, and the two of them together are a force to be reckoned with. There are definitely subjects covered in this book that I’ve seen from different angles before, and I feel like their interpretation pulls in more context than I’d gotten previously. Especially pertinent to this, the first part of The Dawn of Everything is spent examining the origins of modern western thought on “primitive” cultures and their character and capacity, and then digging into what evidence we actually have on the subject.

But the movie does not, fundamentally, engage with cultures outside of westernized, christian thinking. Not to any serious extent, anyway. It has a certain worldview, and that’s fine. That can be explored intelligently, although we’ve seen that I think it squanders that chance. It’s fundamentally a christian-centric movie.

And despite Scott’s protestations in the interview that they toned it down, quite a few readers have already guessed how far Scott originally intended to go on that.

“But if you look at it as an “our children are misbehaving down there” scenario, there are moments where it looks like we’ve gone out of control, running around with armor and skirts, which of course would be the Roman Empire. And they were given a long run. A thousand years before their disintegration actually started to happen. And you can say, “Lets’ send down one more of our emissaries to see if he can stop it.” Guess what? They crucified him.”

Yes. Jesus of Nazareth was actually Jesus of Space.

This is why the movie says the Engineer corpse died about 2000 years ago. This is why they decided to destroy humanity. 

Presumably the original quote on the cross was “Father, forgive them, for they know not that we’ve got deadly black goo.” Engineer 23:34, I guess.

Now that the screams in the audience have hopefully settled down, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUGH.

Alright. So, this is bad. Let’s break down why, beyond the obvious questions about “why does nobody ever draw Jesus as bald, huge, and ripped.” Fans have already tackled that–there’s a fake script circulating that has a decent interpretation of this. In their version, a human kid got zwooped up to be taught the ways of the Engineers, and sent back as an emissary. Why? Dunno. Also apparently the gospels that mention Mary and Joseph fleeing to Egypt with the baby Jesus were off the mark by a few lightyears.

No matter the details, this whole premise is laughable to christians, because “what if Jesus was an alien” is the sort of thing that twelve year olds come up with. It’s offensive if it’s taken seriously, because it says their literal god was actually a mortal critter from outer space. Ha! Your god is not all-powerful, or all-good. He’s not even All-Might.

But you know what’s almost worse? It implies that, sure, Christianity isn’t the inspired word of a deity. It also implies some level of exclusive factual accuracy to Jesus’ teachings, not shared with other religions. Jesus was a celestial emissary, endowed with the teachings that could save humanity, and his death doomed the Earth to the Last Judgment.

The Torah is insufficient, and all Rabbinic literature was produced following the rejection of the true way to salvation. The enlightenment of the Buddha counted for nothing, the Dao is not the way, Vishnu cannot defend or restore dharma, the Prophet Muhammad is only so valid as his acknowledgment of the Prophet Īsā ibn Maryam. 

All other faiths are superfluous under this premise. If people had just listened to Jesus and accepted him as their savior, everything would’ve been fine!

This is the one point of alien contact with western canon in the entire setting, after the deep prehistory of Skye. Every other literate culture that was contacted got the Engineers’ message wrong. Or they didn’t listen. Only christians got it right.

That’s incalculably bad. That’s not even counting the fact that the wall o’ artifacts that Shaw and Holloway presented included a notable oversight: the only two artifacts further from Europe than the Middle East are chronologically impossible, based on the movie’s own timeline. It implies the rest of the world was thrown in as an afterthought.

This whole Jesus thing is a piece, a big, jagged piece of why this movie drives me so far up the wall that I’m now residing on the ceiling. It’s not, as far as I can tell, actively malicious. It’s just dumb. It wasn’t thought through the way it should’ve been. If they wanted to do a movie like this, they should’ve gone all-in. Really dig into the implications of what they’ve done. 

And the movie seems wholly ignorant of it. There are basic questions presented to the audience, but there’s no deeper consideration that could make this respectful to anybody.

So, what are we left with?

A mess. A beautiful, stunted, confused mess that was poorly served by its script and lack of conviction.

The movie turned away from asking big questions, and focused instead on traditional horror. A genre that works best with good characterization to drive audience investment, but then it cut out most of the characterization, and what it left was scattershot. It gave us a flashback of Shaw’s childhood before we’d even really met her to understand why it was meaningful for her. The movie then failed to add any emotional weight to her.

The movie failed to give us characters with emotional weight or intelligence. It gave us a single, compelling character in David, driven largely by Michael Fassbender’s delivery and physical performance. It gave us a tactile, carefully constructed setting that was beautiful and often an accomplishment in filmmaking craft, but these spaces remained emotionally empty without a story that gave them meaning. It gave us the potential of something new, and then retreated to imitate the old.

I went into the theater in 2012 looking forward to a good film. I suppose this one has stuck with me more than a good film would have, but its primary value is as a flawed thing to critique, to learn from, and to put tooth marks on when the frustration gets to be too much.

Prometheus got one sort-of sequel in Alien: Covenant (2017), and it seems to have been abandoned. The first trailer for Alien: Romulus just came out the day I’m writing this, and it looks like it’s going to be just a monster movie.

If you want a good, modern Alien, play or watch Alien: Isolation (2014). Apparently its content was recut into a web series in 2019, though I can’t speak to the quality of that. For now, I’m done with the series. I’m not going to be rushing out to see anything new, because I don’t think it’s doing anything new. Prometheus could’ve been a chance to do that, but it failed.

Still. Writing this was fun, I will admit. My weird little obsession with this movie turned into a month and a half of writing and prepping this thing, totaling–Jesus E. Christ, over 82,000 words. I wish it could’ve been about something that hid more intellectual heft or careful thought than Prometheus did, but hey! There’s always next time.

And there will in all likelihood be a next time, as I’ve already started on another document. It won’t be for quite a while, though. This was a lot of fun, but a lot of work as well. I’ll be taking a break, and only releasing more stuff once I have it fully written ahead of time, as opposed to how I handled this one.

Thank you, brave readers, for making it this far. 

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Citations for alt-text rambles:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2023%E2%80%932024_Sundhn%C3%BAkur_eruptions#Eruptions

https://tubitv.com/movies/314320/the-collector 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dettifoss 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codex_Magliabechiano 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tollund_Man 

https://youtu.be/nT2ueyFrVgk 

https://www.deviantart.com/pretty--kittie/art/Prometheus-Engineer-407316113 

https://nebula.tv/videos/hellofutureme-is-netflixs-avatar-any-good 

Overflow Ramble 1

Hey, does anyone else remember Stephen Speilberg’s War of the Worlds (2005)? I saw that in the theater, and I cannot watch that thing again. Yes, I was younger, but the overall content of that movie absolutely shredded my nerves to pieces. Even though I’d grown up knowing the full H G Wells story and reading things like The Tripods book series as a kid, Spielberg managed to make a movie that felt so viscerally unpleasant to me that it gave me nightmares for years.

My main theory is this: You know in movies that the protagonist is almost certainly going to survive what happens, doubly so in War of the Worlds because it was goddamn Tom Cruise. But my brain did not treat Tom Cruise as my viewpoint character. Something in me says “well, I’m not Tom Cruise, I’m one of those other people around him, and they’re all gonna die horribly.” 

This tends to happen with me in disaster films and similar stuff like that. I have to be real certain I want to be there if I watch a kaiju movie, for example. I can do Godzilla (2014), but I’m not so sure about Godzilla Minus One (2023). Shin Godzilla (2016) is off the table.

Horror movies have to hit a balance of giving people a rickety feeling of potential safety they want to preserve, rather than letting them feel too safe or too screwed. Too far either way and you lose people, either to apathy or just pure bad vibes. The paradox of enjoyable horror is that it can’t scare you too much.

Overflow Ramble 2

I personally don’t think the tone of Fede Álvarez’s horror fits with what I’m looking for in an Alien movie. The xenomorph life cycle worked best and most subversively when it was deliberately targeted, to take the sexual/reproductive menace usually placed on female characters in horror and forced it onto a male character instead. Álvarez has historically played that trope straight instead. From a horror perspective, that’s boring to me. The xenomorphs also appear to be aggressive monsters here rather than animals, more like Aliens than Alien. Not my favorite interpretation.

And to be honest, when I saw the trailer, my first thought was “Oh, it’s Sevastopol Station.” The setting looks exactly like Alien: Isolation, and there’s not a chance the movie’s going to outshine Isolation. That game’s only narrative sin was a bit of slow pacing toward the ending. Romulus’ trailer makes me think it’s going to go too far in the other direction.

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[francisballerhide]

An older viewer's perspective on I Saw The TV Glow

(content warning: discussion of spoilers, depression and suicidal themes.)

x-posted from the subreddit of the same name.

I am a queer, non-gender conforming (back in the day we said "genderqueer") person in their late 40s. I saw this the day before yesterday. I'm about five years or so older than the main characters (Owen and Maddy.) The equivalents to "The Pink Opaque" for my friend group that were on TV when we were the same age as the characters were Liquid TV and/or the 1992-era X Men cartoon (so as you can imagine, I've been ecstatic about the X Men 97 revival.) We were also obsessed with the film The Adventures Of Buckaroo Banzai: Across The Eighth Dimension.

I liked Buffy, but I was already in my 20s when it was airing.

And woah, this movie is very powerful and made me feel all sorts of things.

Like Maddy, I experienced a "break from reality" in my 20s. And I was deadset on finding someone to go on that "break" with me, to experience a folie à deux with, I guess. To help me validate that the imaginary world I was living in was "the real world," and the outside world where I was expected to "get a job and be a productive member of society" was fake.

I know in the context of the film, it's supposed to be implied that Maddy's story is true. She is really Tara, and Owen is really Isabel. But as someone who has been through something very much like Maddy describes (apart from the "being buried alive" part) it was difficult for me not to see Maddy as someone who did exactly what I did - who rejected reality as it is, and tried to check out from it completely.

But also, it's easy to see what Maddy ended up doing as a metaphor for attempted suicide - and that she might have been trying to talk Owen into going along with her on a second attempt, together, when the first attempt failed. And this may have been how Owen saw it, when he rejected it.

Because for me, adulthood felt the same way. You get a job. You try and fit in, or at least fly under the radar. It's not what you want to do - but society is constantly telling you, pressuring you, hassling you, that it's what you should be doing, what you need to do. Maybe you meet someone and settle down, maybe you don't. Maybe you have kids, and maybe you don't.

But one year passes, and then another. And then five years. And then a decade. And then three decades have gone by. And you don't feel it. It's just like skipping forward to the next scene on a DVD. And then you're old, and wondering where your life has gone. You haven't been living your real life.

And the thoughts running through your mind go: "This wasn't how it was supposed to happen. This wasn't how things were supposed to be. This wasn't supposed to be my life. What happened to my life?"

And as someone with left-of-center politics and a not-always stable mental state, I think: "how much of this is down to reality being screwed up, how much of this is down to us living in a "Black Iron Prison"-style reality construct; and how much of this can be blamed on "late stage" or "end stage" capitalism, which never allows people who exist outside of a certain tax bracket to self-actualize at all?

What if it is "just the suburbs?"

The answer is to try and live your truth and be your authentic self, no matter what is going on in the world outside of that - no matter how difficult the world makes it. But not everyone is strong enough, or has the psychological tools to find their way to that.

I think I need to go back and watch this film again.

I also would like to recommend Matrix Resurrections to anyone who was bummed out by the end of I Saw The TV Glow, for what happens when the person who has been insisting "that beautiful, powerful person can't be me" suddenly decides to be that, anyway.

[knickynoo]

Back to the Future Part II, The Novel by Craig Shaw Gardner: Thoughts, commentary, and general ramblings

Part 6: A weird-looking old man and a little guy in a leather jacket.

Previous posts here

• Instead of describing Doc as a “crazy, wild-eyed old man,” Old Biff says, “a weird-looking old man,” which is just so personal, lol

• There’s an interesting scene where Marty is almost caught in Biff’s garage. The shouting between Biff and his grandmother isn’t there to alert Marty, and instead, Biff just walks straight out to the garage. Marty thinks it’s Doc who has come to rescue him and calls out, which Biff hears. Marty then hides in the car, and waits as Biff looks around a bit before getting distracted.

• I really want the full scene of Doc scrambling to get that new hat and bike so he can head over to Biff’s house. The book mentions that he’d bought the bike a few hours prior (then had to wait for it to get dark enough) but I’d love to see how that played out. I also want Marty doing his shopping for his Inconspicuous outfit.

• Marty has a very funny response to Doc reminding him to be careful at the dance since his other self is there with Lorraine. “Yeah, that’s right! Hey, that’s cool, Doc. Maybe I’ll say hello to myself.”

This is followed immediately by, “’No!’ Doc felt like he might have a heart attack.”

And what I want to know is: is Marty just being a wisenheimer, or is he genuinely considering stopping to chit-chat with his other self? I could honestly see it going either way with Marty.

• This chapter is giving me a few good chuckles so far. Marty enters the dance and it says, “He stepped through, and found himself in the same alcove where he’d had that heart-to-heart with his future parents—the one about being nice when your son sets fire to the rug.”

Why don’t we have any definitive information on The Rug Incident? That story should’ve been included in the comics. I need to know what unfolded that day. Why did Marty set the rug on fire? Was it purely accidental? Did little Marty go through an arsonist phase?

I demand answers.

• When we return to Doc, who is still riding his bike all over the place, he ends up at the Peabody farm. There’s a cop there talking to Mr. Peabody, who’s recounting the alien encounter he had. Which…doesn’t make much sense to me since this is a week now since the “flying saucer” originally crashed into his barn. But I guess this has been an ongoing ordeal, and Otis has been trying to get someone to take him seriously.

Anyway, Doc is worried that they might actually stumble upon where he’s hidden the DeLorean behind the billboard, so he goes over and announces that he saw the spacecraft take off wayyy in the other direction. The police officer and Otis immediately take off in search of it.

• I wish I got a dollar for every time in this novel that Marty has said, “Yo, Doc!” because I would have many dollars.

• Lester (Wallet Guy) describes Marty to Biff as, “A little guy in a leather jacket.” So true, Lester. He IS just a little guy in a leather jacket.

• Ok, OK!! So! Two things to mention about the scene after the dance where Marty runs into Biff outside the door. After Biff calls him chicken, Marty once again recalls that, per his mother’s repeated suggestions, he’s supposed to count to 10 when he’s upset. And as he wrestles with his feelings, he thinks, “Maybe he always felt he needed to do this because he was so short.” !!!!! May I direct you to this ask and poll? There you have it, folks. Marty (book Marty, at least) is quite aware of his height and ALSO aware that it might be the reason he wants to fight at the slightest provocation.

• I already always feel bad for the Western Union guy when I watch the movie, and this makes me feel even more sorry for him. He gets no closure!!! He will NEVER know what the 70-year-old mystery letter was all about. The most disappointed voice Marty has ever heard!!

• We close with the scene of Marty running back to the clock tower. However, his revealing his presence to Doc is pretty different in the book than it is in the movie. We’re told, “Marty stepped out of the shadow of the courthouse. He tapped Doc on the shoulder.”

I mean. It definitely doesn’t have The Flair of Marty running full speed and dramatically spinning Doc to face him, but it is funny. He just. Steps out from the shadows and gives him a little tap. A gentle, “Um, hi, hello, I’m back.” Amuses me to think about.

This is how I imagine it, btw.

• The book ends with Doc passing out and Marty legitimately fearing that Doc may have just DIED before his very eyes, and how will he ever get home now?

I guess we’ll find out in the part III novel! Stay tuned.

[pastelavender88]

Sinbound- Chapter 11

Summary: It’s been a month since the events of the last chapter: Eddie and Buck are on the outs and Buck’s family is back in town; Something major happens to Y/n.

Warning: Talks of miscarriage.

Series Masterlist

It’s been a month since Eddie and I broke up. It was touch and go for a while. The night of the breakup I asked for 2 hours. It doesn’t take 2 hours to basically pick up your whole life. Alex and I took all our clothes and toiletries but we still had to come back and get the rest of our things. I decided it would be best to leave all the baby’s stuff there, but excluding that I still had a ton of things. Bobby and Athena served as the buffer between Eddie and I. Athena would text me to tell me that Bobby told her Eddie and Christopher would be out of the house from 12-4 pm and stuff like that. Eddie and I still haven’t spoken since that night even though he tried. He gave me a good 2 days before he was blowing up my cell and trying to talk and work things out, but I was serious when I meant Eddie and I were done. The betrayal still keeps me awake at night if I let my mind wander enough and the events starting on the night in question and the big blow up play in my head like a movie. Alex and I moved in with Buck for the time being while I figured out the next step in our lives. Buck was more than happy to welcome us and he’s been accommodating in any way he can. He’s been going with me to my doctor appointments, driving me around a lot since I’ve gotten a little bigger and lazier to do it myself, and even taking a parenting class with me. Even though I had Alex already a lot of things have changed in the last 12 years.  Speaking of all the things Buck is doing for me, Eddie is quite pissed at him because of it. Also, the fact that Buck is the one that told me about Eddie’s infidelity. So everything has been quite an adjustment. It was morning and Buck was off today so that meant family breakfast. Which was really more me cooking whatever I was craving and everyone being too lazy to complain or make anything else. Today was chicken, waffles, spicy syrup, bacon, eggs, and french toast. (Don’t judge but I craved this my whole pregnancy.) Buck came down from the room and sat at the table. The reason I call it the room is because technically it’s both Buck and I’s room. See Buck only has two rooms in his loft but the other room is Alex’s and it’s not exactly big enough to share. So Buck and I share the room in the sense that both of our things are there like clothes, shoes, jewelry, little things like that. Buck did buy a couch though, so that way he has something to sleep on. Right now Buck was trying to convince me to go with him and Alex to pick up his parents later. “They would love to see you. I mean it’s been over a year since they last saw you.” “Yeah and since then I got knocked up and then left a single mom. Again.” “True, but you look really cute pregnant and they haven’t seen this glow.” He said, as he pointed his fork at me. “That may be the case but seriously I’m not up for that yet.” Buck could tell my mood was becoming somber, so he let it go. “Alright. Did I tell you guys what happened yesterday at work? Some guy’s kids buried him in the sand and splashed water on him when a freak flash of lightning hit and turned the sand into glass. It was insane.” “Buck I’m trying to eat.” “Mom, that's actually really cool and mother nature at work. What did that guy say in that really old dinosaur movie ‘life always finds a way’. Life is science.” “Did she just call Jurassic Park a really old movie?” I asked Buck. I turned to Alex. “That movie came out the year I was born for your info.” “How do you think I feel? I’m older than you by two years.” Buck joked. The conversation kept flowing from there and eventually it was time to clean up and start the day. Since the break up with Eddie I haven’t really been writing much so my day usually centers around Buck and Alex. I felt like a 50’s housewife. After making sure everyone had everything they needed for their day I would tidy the house, wash dishes, do laundry. It was a feminist nightmare but I was so numb I didn’t really care. I’ve been seeing a therapist but it didn’t help as much as I thought it would. Most people describe therapy as this life-altering interaction but for me it felt like when you were called to the guidance counselor in school about bullying or something. Like I was put on the spot. Don’t get me wrong there was improvement but I just didn’t feel satisfied or “fixed” in a sense. We dived into my relationship issues a lot and I understand what Eddie was saying. The “relationship” that Buck and I had while Eddie and I were still together was emotional cheating, which proved my point. We were bad for each other. Eddie and I both rushed into this relationship after commitment issues on both sides, so we were destined for doom. Either way the pain inside of me from his affair with Ana wasn’t going away because I know that what I did didn’t warrant that. Instead of breaking it off or establishing clear boundaries, Eddie decided that cheating was the best route. So here I am feeling like less than a person over a toxic relationship we both should have some coming to an end. Buck’s POV Since Y/n didn’t want to come with me I was forced to suffer with my parents alone. It was worth it since Albert was there. “Uh, Albert, hey, check this out.” I showed Albert Y/n’s ultrasound picture. It was so cool to be a part of this process and I couldn’t help but show it off. “You brought more than takeout.” Albert replied, “Well, uh, Chimney didn't tell you?” “Yeah, that I've been gone less than a year and you're a father again? No.” God I hope my parents didn’t hear that. “Uh, no, not-not exactly.” “But that's a…” Albert started. “Baby. Buck...?” My mom was suddenly standing behind me. “Is there something you need to tell us? You're gonna be an uncle again!” My mom shouted as she jumped to conclusions. “Phillip! Maddie and Howard are gonna have another baby!” My mom yelled as she went to hug Chimney. “What?” Chim asked, confused. “That's fantastic! I had a feeling when you bought this house.” My dad replied. “I mean, it's a little soon to be pregnant again, but... Why not?!” Mom said. “This is very good news, Howard. Why didn't you tell us sooner? “ Chimney’s stepmom asked. “Uh, guys... Guys, we're... not pregnant.” He said. “You're not?” Mom asked. “No.” “Then who is?” Mom asked as she turned to me. “That’s what I was trying to say. Y/n is pregnant again. It’s a girl.” “You and Y/n are having another baby?” My dad asked. “No, mom is having a baby with Eddie.” Throughout all the confusion, everyone forgot Alex was sitting at the table on her tablet. “But, they're not together anymore so we're living with dad.” “Okay, let’s not deepdive into it. Give your mom some privacy.” When we got home it was time for a talk about privacy. “So Y/n and living with you while she’s pregnant with another man’s baby?” My dad asked. “And you’re going to help raise the baby?” “It's not like that. We’re not together, I’m just helping her while she figures a few things out. Also, if she wants of course I’ll help raise the baby but we haven’t thought that far ahead. We’re taking things day-by-day.” The way everyone except Maddie, Chimney, and Alex were looking at me I could tell they had a lot to say. “I think it's…” My mom started. “Here we go. “ I knew I was about to get an earful. “Great.” She finished. That shocked me. “Uh, yeah?” “You’re a wonderful father to Alex and I know if you need to be you’ll be a wonderful father to this little girl as well.” Dad replied. “Not only are you a good father but you’re a good man.” My mom said as she stepped towards me for a hug. I wrapped my arms around her. “Here. Dad, you want to see?” I said showing him the sonogram “Oh, absolutely.”  He said as he took the phone from me. “Phillip. You are going to allow this?” Howie’s dad asked. “It's not really for me to allow.” Dad replied. “A man cannot raise a child fathered by another man, it's unnatural.” Howie’s father reiterated. “Says the expert in child-rearing, huh? I would think you would relate to Buck's decision. Father them and let someone else raise them.” “Howie.” Albert explained. “Whoa, Chim. It's-it's okay.” I said. “A man who cannot control his family is not a man.” Howie’s dad added to already building tension. “Maybe a man who's too controlling forces his sons to hide from him in another country.” My dad fired back. “Okay, easy. Come on, Dad.” I said. “Children need to learn that actions have consequences.” “I'm sorry, but how is any of this your business?” my mom asked Howie’s dad. “He did announce it to everyone.” Albert’s mom said. ‘Well, that wasn't exactly my choice.” I said, making it clear. “It was a bad choice.” “My dad helping out my mom wasn’t a bad choice, you’re just mean.” Alex called out. “Alex. Honey, you can not talk to adults like that.” “See this is exactly what I am talking about. Your child has no manners and you plan to raise another?” “Oh, that's rich.” My dad replied yet again, kicking everything off. Everyone started to argue until due to a storm the lights went out.   “Buck, grab some candles, we got the doors”. Howie called me. As mom played with Jee and Alex, Maddie and I talked. “I think maybe Albert was right.” I said to Maddie. “Oh, I wouldn't say that out loud.” “Ever think about what it might've been like...?” “What?” “If Daniel had lived.” I asked her. “Yeah, sometimes.” “You?” Just then the lights came back on and everyone was relieved. “I think it would've been just like this.” Y/n’s POV (Think of this happening at the same time as Buck’s) I was sitting on the couch after cleaning when I heard a knock on the door. “Did you forget your key or something Buck?” I swung open the door and there stood Eddie. I crossed my arms and clenched my fists tight. The nerve he had to show up here. “What are you doing here Eddie?” “I’m here to talk to you. You haven’t spoken to me in a month. At least not without a third party being involved. I haven’t gone to any of your appointments since then.” “You barely went before so what’s the difference?” “Y/n, how long are we going to do this? Huh? Are we gonna be those parents that drag their kids through hell?” “Don’t do that. I can’t do this right now.” “So when are we going to do this? Talk things out?” “I don’t know Eddie. It’s only been a month.” “We need to talk about this.” “No. I need time. Time away from you. I’ll tell you when I’m ready to talk to you.” I went to shut the door on Eddie but he put his hand there to stop it. “I miss you Y/n. Christopher missed you.” “I miss Christopher too. He’s more than welcome over here, because you’re pissed with Buck you won’t let him over here.” Eddie was quiet. “Eddie, I want to move forward but I need to do it at my own pace. The way you’re behaving isn’t helping.  I mean I feel like you aren’t even sorry.” “I am sorry. I will always be sorry for what I did. Not only because I hurt you but because I destroyed everything we built when I did it. I’m so sorry Y/n.” “I hear you Eddie I do, but I still need time. Okay?” “Alright. I’ll go. I love you y/n.” I still loved Eddie but I didn’t know if I was in love with him anymore. “Goodbye, Eddie.” Time went on and eventually Buck came home. “Hey, where’s Alex?” “She’s spending the night at Maddie and Chim’s house.” “I thought the house wasn’t done and what clothes is she going to wear?” “Our daughter is a sneaky one. She put her clothes in my truck along with a sleeping bag. How am I supposed to say no to that?” “I’m sure it’s really easy but she’s got you wrapped around her finger.” “Yeah, she does.” Buck came and sat down beside me on the couch. “So it’s just the two of us tonight, what are we doing? “I was thinking of doing something a little risky…” “Oh really?” “Oh yeah.” “How risky we talking?” “Oh you know, I’m gonna change and slip into something a little more comfortable, and then…” “Then what?” “We’re gonna eat so much ice cream our guts explode and watch trashy reality tv.” “Now that’s what I’m talking about.” Buck said. We’d always had that joking relationship that could be borderline sexual but now that we actually live together the sexual part was definitely a no-no. “I’ll be back.” I went upstairs to change. “What kind of ice cream we doing tonight, Rocky road or fudge?” “Ooh, let’s do a rocky road tonight.” I started to change when I felt a warm sensation in my pants. I looked down at my now ruined pants and noticed blood. I carefully rushed down the stairs. Buck was facing away from me but heard me come down the stairs. “You changed already, that was fast.” He turned around and saw my expression. “What’s the matter?” “I’m bleeding.” I could tell Buck wasn’t catching on to what I was saying. “Like down there.” Buck became a panicked nervous mess. “Oh my god! Okay. Let me grab my shoes and my keys and we’ll throw you in the car.” Before I could say anything he darted off. He looked around the front door and then made his way into the living room. “Where are my shoes? Where are my keys?” “Buck calm down. Your keys are on the hook and your shoes are in the room. I’m gonna put on a pad and change, while I’m doing that, call Dr.Manning.” “Alright.” I went into the room changed and put on a pad in case of more bleeding. When I came back down, Buck was waiting on me. “Dr.Manning is going to meet us at the hospital.” “Okay.” We made our way downstairs and got into the car when I realized I forgot to call Eddie. I went to reach my phone and couldn’t find it. “Buck, can you call Eddie? I left my phone inside the loft.” “Yeah of course.” Buck called Eddie but it went straight to voicemail. “Hey Eddie, I’m taking Y/n to the hospital to see Dr.Manning. Call me back when you get this,” He hung up and turned towards me. “Are you okay? Are you in pain?” “No, I'm doing okay, just the bleeding.” I was trying to keep a leveled head but my mind was racing. It was going to places I didn’t want it to go. “You know when I was pregnant with Alex I had a scare kind of like this. I was in the hospital for 2 days. They said her heart rate was low and there was a chance I could lose her. What if I lose this baby Buck?” My tears were threatening to spill from my eyes. Buck grabbed my hand and caressed it.“Don’t think like that. We’re going to see Dr.Manning and she’s going to tell us that that beautiful baby girl of yours is okay and whatever is happening is probably normal, okay?” “Okay. Thanks Buck.” “Of course.” He said as he kissed my hand. Buck and I arrived at the hospital where Dr.Manning was waiting. She ushered us into the ultrasound room and began to take a sonogram. “Okay, let’s take a look.” She moved the wand around and I saw how she squinted at the screen. “Here’s the baby right here. Let’s hear this heartbeat.” She moved over and I heard her heartbeat. It sounded good or at least I think. “That’s a strong and healthy heart beat right there.” I let out a relieved breath. She moved the wand around more until she stopped at this big blob. “Okay, here’s the problem. You’re suffering from Placenta previa. It’s when the placenta completely or partially covers the opening of the uterus. How bad was the bleeding?” “If I was on my period I would say it’s a light flow.” “And are you still bleeding now.” “No, I don't feel anything.” “I’m gonna keep you here for the rest of the night and monitor everything. In the morning I’ll let you know whether or not you’ll be discharged. Let me just say since it’s your second child it’s more than likely gonna resolve itself. What’s your birthing plan?” “I planned on doing a vaginal birth.” “Okay. We’re going to do more appointments than usual and if this resolves itself we can go ahead with that plan. If not we’re going to have to do a c-section delivery. Okay?” “Alright.” “Dad is more than welcome to stay if he would like. I’m going to make sure a room is prepared and ready for you. Let me know if you need anything.” I didn’t feel like correcting her about Buck in any way. “Okay.” She departed the room and Buck and I sat there almost as if we were waiting on the other person to say something first.” “Do you want me to stay with you?” Buck said, breaking the silence. “Only if you’d like to.” “Of course I would. Do you want me to go home and get anything?” “No I’m okay. It’s just for the night right?” “Right.” Soon a nurse came and brought us to the room we would be staying in for the night and we got comfortable. Sometime throughout the night the anxiety left me and before I knew it I was asleep. I was awoken by a nurse and Dr. Manning coming in. Buck was already awake. “Good morning. How are you feeling?” “I’m fine. Just nervous to be honest.” “Well I have good news, we found nothing concerning while monitoring you over night so that means you can go home. We’ll be having more frequent visits but I’m sure you have nothing to worry about.” “That’s great thanks doc.” Buck replied. “Just doing my job, but this does mean a few things. No moderate or strenuous exercise, heavy lifting, standing for long periods of time and sadly no sexual intercourse or sexual activity that could lead to orgasm. At least until the baby is born.” I wanted to dig a hole so deep and crawl in it. “Any followup questions?” “Nope, I’m good. You got any, Y/n?” Buck replied with a grin. “She’s covered everything. Thanks, we’ll be out of your hair now.” Dr. Manning said her goodbyes to us, leaving alone to brew in the awkwardness. “No sex until the baby gets here. Well I guess there’s no point in you living with me anymore.” I believe that was Buck’s bad attempt at a joke. “Haha, so funny. Besides it’s mostly if the issue doesn’t resolve itself I think.” I don’t know why I answered like it was a serious possibility. “Let’s go. I’m hungry.” I quickly made my way out of the room in order to avoid talking about this any further.

[positively--speculative]

Hi, I’ve read through of your posts on iwtv and media literacy and saw you mention the gothic story telling and genre. I’d please like to know your definition of these words if it’s not a problem?

I am actually quite tickled to get this ask. This will probably get long and it may get sloppy.

First, let's talk about the surface level of the genre, because this is what draws a lot of people in.

We have dark settings--think castles, haunted mansions with attics and/or basements where weird things might be happening. These places might be old or have some sort of dark history surrounding them. For example, think of the house in Henry James's Turn of the Screw. A more recognizable symbol might be Dracula's castle in various forms of media.

We have the paranormal--vampires, ghosts, etc.

We sometimes have romance--Some examples of this are seen in novels like Jane Eyre and Wuthering Heights. A more recent example in film is Guillermo del Toro's Crimson Peak.

Mystery--As seen in some of my previously named examples.

These are only a few of the surface-level elements we find in these stories.

Personally, I believe that the difference between a good gothic story and a not-so-good gothic story, whether that be written or visual, is how these things are used to explore uncomfortable topics outside of the story. If you fail to use these themes and symbols effectively, you get either a shocking but sometimes silly horror story (which I think there is a place for) or "shock porn" which I would argue Anne Rice's work leans more towards, but I'll get more into that later.

Is the ghost there to just be scary or is the ghost being used as a metaphor for the guilt or regret that haunts the protagonist? Do the zombies exist just to chase the protagonist or are they there to remind both the protagonist and the readers of their own mortality? Are the vampires just "sexy" or do they confront us with the type of sexuality we are not supposed to want to explore--Think Twilight vs. different versions of Dracula, Carmilla, The Lost Boys, and to a certain extent, The Vampire Chronicles. And if the vampires in these stories confront us with this sexuality, what is being SAID about it? Is the media encouraging us to explore it? Shaming us? How is it being framed?

I think some of the strongest horror stories (not all gothic stories are necessarily horror, but I just happen to like horror movies) embrace elements of the gothic genre. Some that come to mind are The Ring, Candyman, and Get Out.

In The Ring, our supernatural entity is Samara Morgan, a vengeful spirit trapped in a well. Part of the film takes place in Seattle, Washington and an old cabin resort outside of the city. This by itself creates the rainy, gloomy atmosphere known in the gothic genre. The other part takes place on an island that's even gloomier. An island itself is very symbolic of feelings of being "trapped" or isolated. One of my favorite lines from the movie comes from Samara's doctor--"When you live on an island and someone catches a cold, it's everyone's cold." A very clever idiom to describe how Samara's ability to imprint disturbing images in her mother's mind became everyone's problem when she sought help. And that's scary--what loving mother wouldn't seek help for her child even if said child was hurting them? But how terrifying is it to be on an island with said little girl with these kinds of abilities? No one on the island asked to be victims, but it's not like any of them can just move away. And Samara's mother certainly didn't *know* that trying to get help for her child would come at the expense of everyone else's mental health. It's not that easy. There's also an uncomfortable truth about love. Samara loves her mother. Samara is also evil. Both are true and both can be true in the reality outside of the film. She's a "bad kid" who no one can "help," because she doesn't *want* to be helped. She's also the island's secret. A secret that haunts the community but one that cannot be contained forever. Secrets *are* like ghosts. They haunt us and we fear them, because what do our secrets say about us? How long until our secrets get out and spread like Samara's VHS?

Get Out is another good horror story containing the gothic elements of mystery, secrets, dread, and entrapment. The claustrophobic feeling comes in the form of the "sunken place." The feeling of being conscious of our interactions and surroundings but not being in *control* of them is frightening, *but* the sunken place is also a metaphor for the racial sociopolitics in our society. How many Black Americans are burdened with the feeling of having to play "respectability politics" to survive? And what does that cost the Black community as a whole? I should also add that the story mostly takes place on a secluded property in the woods which adds to the "trapped" feeling.

I think Candyman is a very interesting horror/gothic to talk about because this one is very much catering to the white "female gaze." Candyman is very much like a classical vampire. He's handsome but very, VERY dangerous. But he's also BLACK which adds another layer to this. He pursues the white protagonist, Helen, in a very similar way we often see Dracula pursue Mina. In Helen's first, real encounter with this vengeful spirit, she is very much in a trance-like state and very helpless. This kind of thing where the woman protagonist is *helpless* to the handsome villain is very common in gothic stories. It allows the reader/viewer to kind of escape into a situation where they are helpless to the things they aren't "allowed" to pursue in the real world--'Oh, no! Whatever am I to do? This handsome man is also evil, but is also in love with me, and I am *weak* to his charms!' As taboo as interracial relationships are today, I'd say they very much were in the 90's--and I am speaking from the perspective of a biracial woman who grew up in that time and *rarely* met other biracial kids or saw interracial families represented in media. Now, as much as I *love* Candyman as a film, the framing of the story does put Black men in a compromising position, as the idea of Black men being a danger to white women has long been one that has been weaponized by white supremacists. This is an unfortunate and likely unintended feature of this movie.

My problem with Anne Rice and her fandom is that her writing is made out to be the epitome of gothic storytelling when she mostly just incorporates gothic elements but says nothing with them. And her fandom, both those who like the show and those who hate on it, have a nasty habit of talking down to people who criticize her work and who suggest that the show does a lot of things better than she did. They do this especially to Black fans.

One thing that has stood out to me when it comes to the book fandom is the way they have insulted Black people's intelligence when we've expressed discomfort with the racism in her books. I've seen it said among them, 'The book is *challenging* you to have sympathy towards awful people' in regard to Louis owning slaves. But none of them have ever answered a question I put out there in response--*How?* How am I being challenged? Because Anne Rice frames Louis's racism as a simple detail of his character, but there is never any pushback for it. There is no confronting the reader in the writing. There is nothing there to give us conflicting emotions about relating to this guy in *any* way. And Daniel never pauses when Louis's racism pops out, which I think would be a reasonable thing to do in the 1970s even for a white dude. And one thing that has always made me uncomfortable around white fans of Rice is they almost *never* brought up the topic of race when it came to her books. It didn't seem to phase them, and if it didn't phase them, how exactly was it a challenge for them to relate to Louis?

Sexuality is also something very present in Rice's books, but again, what is said about it? What does Rice *say* about queerness and what is the significance of vampirism as it relates to that.

There is also the issue of Claudia. Originally, in IWTV, Claudia was turned as a five-year-old and is forced to physically remain a five-year-old as she grows up and matures into a woman mentally--so, that element of feeling trapped is certainly there. But it also gets uncomfortable. Louis, who raises her with Lestat, later begins to view Claudia in a *sexual* light. And again, it's there. It's disturbing. But Rice never offers any sort of push back for it. Not even through Daniel. Sorry, but the framing of it is yucky. So, either Rice was saying that this is okay or she was saying nothing at all.

I feel as if the show serves as a response to the things neither Rice herself nor her fandom cared to address. By making Louis a Black man of the early 1900s, the issue of race can no longer be avoided. It's there at the center in a way it wasn't in any discussions about the books. It also does a better job of exploring uncomfortable topics such as Claudia's struggle with being a grown woman in an adolescent girl's body and illustrates that there are much *better* ways of going about exploring that than creating an incestuous relationship that, again, says *nothing.*

The show also does a better job at diving into the nuances of love an abuse. This is something I've seen a lot of fans struggle with, and I think there are a lot of reasons for this. One reason in particular is a very simplistic, Disneyfied idea of love. Lestat does love Louis and that's difficult for people because we are constantly told that someone cannot really love you if they hurt you, but that's just not reality. As I said when discussing The Ring, bad people can experience feelings of love while still being bad. Lestat loves Louis, but he loves him selfishly. If Louis hurts him (threaten to leave/choose their daughter over him), he will hurt him worse (physically abuse him within an inch of his life). It's an uncomfortable reality that sometimes a person can be evil but still can love, and love alone does not make them qualified to be a husband or a father. It is also an uncomfortable reality that we can love our abusers. We can forgive them. They can continue to hurt us, and we can forgive them over and over again. It's not always as simple as "just leaving" the first time they lay their hands on us.

As someone who has dealt with "emotional vampires" before, Lestat definitely fits the profile. Vampires in some of the oldest folklore are depicted as insatiable creatures who live off of the blood and energy of others, and this folklore often serves as a metaphor meant to help us be careful when choosing who we associate with. An emotionally selfish person can demand our company and drain us of our emotional and mental well-being if we're not careful. We see this with the way Lestat pursues Louis, even when Louis attempts to put space between them--even when he is mourning his brother. Lestat shows up at his brother's funeral and repeatedly invades his mind, and isolates him by killing Lily, driving Louis into a mental spiral until he finally caves when he corners him in the church.

Now, to understand the flaws of Rice's original work and the strengths of the TV adaptation when it comes to creating a good gothic story, an amount of media literacy is required. I feel like, unfortunately, a lot of Rice's fans read these books when they were probably too young and were not introduced to them with the proper guidance. Young teenagers are usually not equipped to handle the kind of book Rice wrote, especially if the highly charged subjects are rarely challenged. I feel like a lot of those who take offense to Rice being criticized were very young when they read her books and never matured intellectually as they got older. I've mentioned here before that as a teenager, I was not allowed to read Rice's books. It's a miracle I saw either film adaptation. As an adult who has now read Rice's work, I completely understand why those books were deemed inappropriate for me and am grateful I read them *after* taking a good amount of literary criticism classes.

Assuming this was asked in good faith, I thank you for your patience. This took a while for me to write. And I thank you for excusing the sloppiness.

[thiefbird]

E, n, u for the letters ask please! 🖖

E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what?

Yes, but not recently! These were back in early early high school. I wrote a very short, very bad Draco Malfoy/Apple(as in the fruit) fic once. I hope to god it has been lost to time. I will not tell anyone what my fanfiction dot net username was. I also wrote a Doctor Who/Supernatural/Sherlock/X Files/Star Trek: The Original Series/Warehouse 13/The Yellow Submarine(not Beatles RPF because the only character was Jeremy Hillary Boob, PhD aka The Nowhere Man)/Invader Zim crackfic extravaganza in collab with @gabrielnovakgoestomyschool (there may have been another fandom that I forgot). I do not know if it has survived the passage of time. I almost hope it did. They were all in this incredibly Escher-esque grocery store trying to get milk. I guess recently I accidentally wrote "Loghain Mac Tit" instead of "Loghain Mac Tir" when starting a post, took one look at it, and just posted it without further elaboration. I don't know if anyone ELSE thought it was funny, but I definitely did.

N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice).

U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites.

Anders - I love an underdog, I love a revolutionary, I love a pathetic tall man who looks like he hasn't slept in a month, I love a man who will make Those Sounds when he kisses me. Also he loves cats and complaining; same, Anders. More seriously, I think he's a deeply misunderstood character by both those around him in canon, by his writing team and Bioware as a whole, and by the general fandom(not any of my beloved mutuals, we are all in the Right About Anders club); despite this, I do think he is a cohesive character. I just don't necessarily think that he is a cohesive character on purpose. I love the implications of his bonding with Justice, and the avenues it opens up for writing. I fully believe that Anders believes that he corrupted Justice into Vengeance, and that Vengeance is a demon; I just don't believe it's true.

Stephen Maturin - Ohhh, Stephen, my beloved. Patrick O'Brian cooked you up in a lab specifically to make me insane (nevermind the fact that I was three years old when he died) - mine is a fated obsession, to the point that I actually had a crazy-dramatic, toxic relationship with an autistic Trinity College naturalist for four and a half years directly out of high school; my brain simply had not fully learned that Stephen Maturin existed (I'd seen the movie once or twice and listened to the soundtrack ad nauseum because of my mother but never payed much attention), and fixated on the next best thing. Here is my Stephen Maturin propaganda: He's a tiny, angry little man who calls animals and friends and his wife alike "honey" and "my dear" and "acushla/a chuisle" (I will never forget the "awwwwwwww" that came from my mouth the one time he called Tom Pullings honey). He calls his best friend "soul" and "joy", and his other best friend "honey-bun". He's an International Super Spy, one of the most effective in the British service, and refuses to be paid for it because he hates tyranny so much (he does not like English colonialism either, but he has decided that England is the best way to beat Napoleon). He's an Irish and Catalan revolutionary (I did say I love a revolutionary), who is somewhat in hiding in the first book because of his associations with The Society of United Irishmen, and therefore connections to the Irish Uprising of 1798. Despite this impressive resume, this man has never met a boat or ship he is not in danger of not falling out of - he has been at sea for the better part of twenty years by the end of the series, and he still must be Carefully Watched to make sure he does not drown, or get soaked through to the skin. He is an acclaimed surgeon, with a miraculous success rate. He is also a renowned natural philosopher who has discovered multiple species, including a giant tortoise. He is the least tidy or fastidious man in all of creation, and is constantly covered in blood and/or winestains and/or crumbs. He pours alcohol over surgical sites not because he knows of germ theory, but because he thinks it'll help with pain. The only non-familial friend he's had longer than Jack Aubrey(who lives longer than the first book. Sorry James, ily) is Adhemar de la Mothe, a known and flamboyantly queer Parisian. He regularly says that he does not see the harm in sodomy so long as no one is harassing the ship's boys, and that anything that adds more love to the world seems a good thing. He loses his mind over a woman, and the more awful she is to him the more he loses it.

Speaking of Diana Villiers - Oh, Diana. I am fully in understanding with Stephen over you. A beautiful, headstrong woman who can ride better than most men, stuck in the most boring atmosphere of Southern England with her aunt and cousins after the death of her husband and her father both made her leave India - I cannot blame her for many of her actions. Diana is a fascinating character, and to me she is proof of Patrick O'Brian's writing ability. Most authors of Men Go To War books don't really seem to know how to write women very well (C.S. Forester I am looking at you. I do not know who Maria is outside of her fawning over Hornblower), but Diana is a fully fledged person from the moment we meet her setting her horse over a gate, despite the fact that we never see any of the events of the twenty books through her eyes. Not only is she a fully realised character, but she is one that shows his understanding of the setting he writes in. Diana Villiers is coping with grief - not only grief for her husband and her father, but for her independence. Her life in India, keeping house for her father from her mid-teens, would have been almost as different as one can imagine from the life of a poor relation take in on charity by a widowed aunt. She feels stifled in the English countryside, forced to play second fiddle to her cousins in order to keep the peace and a roof over her head. I cannot blame her for toying with men's hearts as a source of entertainment. Going into keeping with Canning is Diana's attempt to regain at least some measure of independence, and it is successful, to some extent. She has money, she is back in a country she finds familiar and exciting - but she also has a jealous, suspicious lover who employs their servants as spies to watch her activities, and little company because she is herself a scandal. Stephen's proposal offers her a way out of her situation; it also, to her, seems like a loss of freedom, not only because Stephen loves her, but also because she loves him, and that terrifies her. So she instead runs away with Johnson to America. Johnson, of course, is worse than Canning, and she leaves him temporarily, but then her freedom in England is threatened, again, this time by suspicions of intelligence work (I always wonder just how she got tied up so tightly in Mrs Wogan's subterfuge; did Johnson have something to do with it?), and surprise! Johnson is there to whisk her away from the danger. But he's worse still, and Stephen manages to intervene(yay Stephen) and get her away and back to Europe. This just keeps happening. Diana wants something that is almost entirely impossible for a woman in the period she lives in: liberty. Anything that could interfere with her freedom and independence is avoided at any cost - even her own feelings for Stephen. Especially her feelings for Stephen. She also, to me as someone with BPD/cPTSD now pretty well in remission, reads as a very empathetic and accurate portrayal of someone with BPD/cPTSD. Personally I think Being A Woman In The Late 1700s is enough reason on its own to have it(and we don't know enough of Diana's life before the Peace of Amiens to speculate on other Sources Of Trauma other than the death of her husband and father), but a lot of her hot-and-cold feels so familiar to me. She can be so cruel, and mean it fully in the moment she's saying it, but almost immediately regret her cruelty while still doubling down because she feels she has no other options.

Wow. This got really long. I hope everyone enjoys my Aubreyad Opinions Of The Day

[ash-imagines]

Alright, it only took me a decade, but I finally watched It Follows. Spoilers and whatnot.

So, the obvious conclusion is that It is an STD or something, but that feels too easy. It might be sexually transmitted in a sense and very detrimental to the health of those who catch It, but I feel like It is something a little less obvious. I think It is the embodiment of the bizarre mentality that society has about sex in the United States. The biggest reason that I see in favor of this conclusion is the "do you feel any different" moment towards the end.

Sex is seen as a very big deal in the states, and it's unavoidable. Advertising uses it because sex sells, people talk about it like it's life-changing and the best thing you'll ever experience, but there's also a stigma around it. You aren't supposed to discuss it in polite company or enjoy it in unconventional ways, lest you be seen as a pervert or a freak. Sexual education in this country is notorious for being beyond awful, trying to scare children into never wanting sex rather than actually educating them about the subject.

I don't have the post right now, but I was definitely thinking about the "Americans don't go to bathhouses with naked grandmas and therefore have a warped perception about what the average person's body looks like" post. Because that's very true. Nudity of any kind is viewed as inherently sexual here. People still frequently lose their temper over the "indecency" of a parent chestfeeding their child in public.

And, I don't know if this was an intentional decision or just a coincidence, but one of the first places that I saw people just casually existing without clothes on was in the changing room of a public pool. Pools are pretty important to this film, as you may know.

So, that's the kind of environment that our main cast has grown up in. They seem like young adults, none of them with a ton of sexual experiences under their belts, and this weird attitude around sex is something they're finally old enough to confront head-on. They're still somewhat in the awkward teen stage of sex and romance, young enough that their first crushes, first kisses, and first beers are still pretty fresh in their minds. But they aren't kids anymore, either. They have the freedom now to have sex if they want. It's not forbidden to them anymore. That doesn't mean the cultural perception of sex that they've grown up with and continue to live in doesn't still get to them, though.

Lots of people feel guilty about having sex or masturbating, even though it's perfectly natural. The puritanical attitude surrounding sex is something that runs incredibly deep and takes a long time to unlearn, and it's actively worsening because of the growing censorship of the internet to appease advertisers (but that's a discussion for another day). I think the It in It Follows is the physical manifestation of this cultural puritanism. It can look like anybody because anybody could perpetuate It, whether or not they mean to. It follows and is such a hassle to get rid of because It's baked into the foundation of our country. And, perhaps, It can't go into the pool because that's someplace where being unclothed with others isn't seen as sexual, therefore It doesn't have any power in the water.

As for the "do you feel any different" moment, I think this is something lots of people feel after having sex, especially for the first time. All our lives, sex is built up as being a monumental occasion, the biggest deal ever. But when you actually experience it, isn't it kind of underwhelming? Like, sure, it's nice, but it's definitely not everything it's hyped up to be. But, even after finding out that sex isn't the height of human existence, cultural perception of it doesn't change. Only your own perception changes, and It continues to follow, though maybe now It follows at a distance.

That's really just the way I interpret the movie, though. I'd be interested in hearing some other perspectives on the film. One of the things I saw brought up in discussions about this film is that the focus is entirely on heterosexual relationships, and people wondered whether the curse can only be transmitted through heterosexual sex. There's apparently a sequel in the works, and I'm wondering if that's something they might address.

[actuallylorelaigilmore]

almost-birthday thoughts

i'll turn 40 in a few days, on thursday. i've always loved presents and reasons to celebrate, round numbers, enthusiasm...reasons to be excited, i guess. but this birthday matters way more to me than the others; it feels deeper. i don't look to 50 or 60 (if i'm lucky enough to get there) and feel any particular way, but i felt this one coming. i needed this one to matter.

my mom was 32 when she had me, and her 40th birthday is the first birthday i remember witnessing of hers. the family teasing her, the 'lordy lordy looks who's forty' rhymes. her hair was already gray, and welfare hadn't forced her back into the workforce yet. she was happier than i would ever see her be, again.

and i honestly don't remember much else about her birthday party, or that year specifically. big, terrible things happened a year later, but when i was only 8? she was just 40, we all celebrated like we celebrated every birthday of everybody--and the number didn't mean anything to me.

now, i'm about to be 40, and the last time i saw my mom, i was 21. she turned 72 this year, which is the age my grandmother was when she died. i reached out, because of that. i get my spine from my grandmother and my stubbornness from my mother, but i yielded, just enough. i know i won't see her again while she's alive. i'm at peace with that, as much as i can be.

but it still makes 40 feel more important, somehow. like i've hit the inbetween. i've survived the rock and the hard place and somehow i'm still alive and i'm going to be 40 years old, older than my mother was when i entered the world, while she's older than her mother was when she left it.

i've never cared much about age in the way some people do: i don't worry about how wrinkles make me look, or how quickly silver began streaking through my brown hair. i'm not lamenting (or celebrating) what i've accomplished as i approach a real mile marker. until i started writing this, it didn't even occur to me that depending on how long i live, i may actually be entering middle age now.

that can't be true, right? whatever middle-aged is, it doesn't feel like me reblogging tumblr gifs and rambling about the movies i've watched or sharing my cat stories. my health issues have existed for so long they seem entirely divorced from the passage of time, so i can't even say i feel like i'm getting old because i have pain, or sleep trouble--whatever the cliches are.

anyway, being the many things that i am (autistic, bipolar, anxious, vibrating at a high ADHD frequency even while medicated), i'm probably always going to be one of those 'i don't feel my age' people. so that doesn't surprise me. it's more the principle of this year, that matters to me. it has mattered all year as i felt my birthday approaching.

so both intentionally and coincidentally, i made this one of my biggest birthdays ever. because of the timing of thanksgiving and school holidays and other stuff outside my control, my family celebrating started early. last week alone was intense, in the best way.

i found out earlier this year, with much surprise and delight, that hadestown was not only touring, but coming literally to our downtown theater. a ticket to that was my gift to myself. i'd never seen any musical i love onstage--and definitely not a broadway one, touring or otherwise. and i didn't think about, when i purchased the ticket, how the show would be happening only a week after the election. but it was perfect, even more so because of that. i needed it.

and then, @actuallylukedanes made it possible for me to see suzy eddie izzard, performing live. they're the one who first introduced me to her comedy, literally decades ago now, and her bits are embedded in the fabric of our family (who all went together). getting to actually be in her presence wasn't on my bucket list, much like i didn't actually expect to see a musical i loved until i did--i'm still a little in shock that we were really there. it really happened. and in addition to being funny, she was very sincerely trying to give us all hope. it made me cry.

before the show, we got something to eat nearby, and it's been years since i had such a good milkshake. i want to go back there and try their sandwiches (i enjoyed the fries and their natural orange soda). the theater smelled like history, and i love all the memories i made with my family just on that one day, including the hour i spent reading in the car before i ran out of sunlight while music blasted all around us. and the singalong on the ride home. i think it was nearly 4 hours of driving, to get there and back that day, but for me at least, it was worth it.

i've already gotten one of my birthday presents (besides the suzy eddie izzard show of course), because @actuallyrorygilmore had to visit early and leave yesterday, thanks to the schedules etc i mentioned above. she got me a book i really wanted, and can't wait to read, once i've made a dent in my giant partially-read pile of paperbacks and hardcovers from my distracted era. (i'm nearly done with two! i'm making actual progress!)

i also got a cupcake and a box of caramels i love...and all of that was before my birthday has even happened!

i've still got some kind of unwrappable gift coming to mark the day, and the wicked movie coming out, 20 years after i was first belting along to the soundtrack in my college dorm room, alone over thanksgiving break. (i won't be seeing wicked on my birthday, but because regal sometimes opens movies here a day early on thursdays, it will premiere on my birthday. i love that.)

a lot about this year, heading into turning 40, has been really hard. i lost my little ghost cat, bailey, in january--and mellie's son sebastian, who brought bailey to us in the first place...we lost him right before halloween. pretty horrible bookends to 2024. and now, bonus fascism! that's just hovering, a january storm cloud i'm ignoring until it's here.

so, i can't say 40 is gonna be fantastic. or, 2025 will be my best year yet! or anything else silly, like the hopeful things i remember proclaiming as we were heading into 2020. i'm sure i believed them at the time, very sincerely--but the universe gave us a pandemic instead, among so much else. that was not a year of joy.

what i can say, and be grateful for, is that i'm about to be 40 years old. and when i was a child, and i tried to imagine my life someday, it was a big expanse of nothingness. it wasn't that i was pessimistic about my future, or even that i didn't know what i wanted. i literally couldn't imagine myself as an adult, living in the world, having any life different from the way things had always been for me, growing up. i couldn't see it.

so i genuinely, fiercely, painfully believed that meant that i must not be fated to live to see adulthood. to have any kind of future. i was very much an anne shirley kind of child, and i blame my fanciful imagination for that sense of certain doom, but i did believe it. i never expected to make it this far.

despite that, despite everything, here i am. raising kittens and seeing musicals and being celebrated by a chosen family who both love and like me, for who i actually am. i have a room of my own and the choice of how i spend my time, and i'm needed in the world. i'll never run out of things to learn, and make, and new friends to meet. no matter what's coming, i still do love my small, valuable life.

a lot can happen in 40 years, i now know from experience. i'm going to try and keep making mine better.

[thesweetnessofspring]

Why don't you like swift? Is it her specifically?

I love how making tags in one random post has gotten me this ask, because like, in general my stance is to ignore her and not talk about it, use my tumblr filters and whatnot to ignore her existence the best I can. But I'm getting asked so here's my answer. I'm going fully honest with this because someone asked me to, so if this pop star is your idol, ignore this and dni. It's just my opinion and arguing with me will only entrench my hatred deeper, as evidenced by my past experience with her fans. Also this is hella long, so fair warning.

There are a lot of reasons why I hate that singer. Some range from my own adolescent dramatics to bad interactions with her fans to just really not being into celebrity culture and therefore her whole persona/existence. I also want to say that everything I know about Swift I've learned against my will, so some of this information may be incomplete, but I don't feel the need to look up details about her. If I could, I would never have to hear about her or her music ever again.

I don't like her music. I actually really despise it and have since she got popular when I was in high school. Now I've come to realize if I hate a piece of media, it usually either did an injustice to something I love (like the Ella Enchanted movie) or it's something I didn't like but it became inescapable. Swift mostly falls into the latter. I know people have been trying to take back "cringe" but I can't help it. When I have to hear Swift's music, I CRINGE and I have since high school. Love Story was the stupidest """story""" to me with huge plotholes. You Belong With Me was incredibly entitled and I still side with cheerleader girl in that one, like that is HER boyfriend who HE chose to date. In general, all of her music (that I heard) in those early years were girl-crying-over-useless-boy and that annoyed me to the high heavens. And I think my dislike turned to hatred when I was told that since I was a girl, I HAD to like her, that she was SOOOOO relatable to teenage girls when my life experience was nothing like hers. And her music being all over the radio, school, my social settings, etc. did not help.

And the thing is, I've heard songs/seen lyrics of hers that I didn't know were hers and I still hated them/thought they were cringe. Like I remember when "We Are Never Getting Back Together" came out. I heard it on the radio and thought "who is this new wanna-be Avril Lavigne?? She sucks!" And then the DJ said it was Swift's new song. 💀 A few months ago I was driving my parents to the airport with their car and a song comes on their radio I hadn't heard before, and I immediately think "ugh this song sucks" and then by the chorus I realized it was a Swift song. Even with her new album, when I saw the first meme for that "you wouldn't last an hour in the asylum where they raised me" I thought it was an old meme I'd missed and had originated from like, some cringey 12-year-old on Vine or something. Only to find out a grown-ass woman in her 30s who's likely never stepped foot in a psychiatric unit wrote it, which explained how utterly stupid that line is. All of that to say, even when blind, I hate her music. The one (1) exception to that is Blank Space. That one for some reason, I do find catchy. My obsessed cousin got me to listen to Folklore and I didn't HATE that, but I thought it was hella boring. She's either cringe or boring and mediocre and I think at this point, you have to be a fan of her persona to like her music because that's really all I hear her fans talk about. Not the songs themselves, but how they're about her/her life. Or their blorbos.

I think Swift is a spoiled, entitled, privileged white girl who likes to bask in any slight done to her and blow it up like it's the worst injustice done to any human being. She lacks a true core other than being obsessed with herself, her image, and her fame, and chases trending aesthetics instead of finding something real and authentic to her. Authenticity is really important to me. I really can enjoy things other people think of a "cringey" if it's authentic to the creator, but the only thing authentic to Swift is her martyr complex. She borrows aethetics and throws them off easily, never truly mastering any of the genres she stumbles into as a costume instead of an authentic artistic expression. Everything she does is half-baked.

And that's not to say that the press and people online haven't been nasty. That stuff with the deepfake AI rape-porn was horrendous and she doesn't deserve that. Nor did her body being scrutinized as a teenager (or ever). But she got offended by a TV show joking about her having had a lot of boyfriends (which is true!) and as a result, a black actress who was delivering the lines someone else wrote got harassed online. Like what an absolute LOSER. She's a billionaire and the most popular pop star currently alive, and some rando Netflix show has her panties in a twist to the point where she sics her stans to bully an actress??

I'll give Swift this: she is very good at parasocial relationships (to an exploitive degree, imo) and PR. She's turned feminism into her own "you're misogynist if you attack ME!!!!! Like who cares about poor women or women in countries that mine has colonized or abused women or exploited women, anyone who attacks MEEEEE is the worst misogynist around!!!!!" Ugh. And I'm not going to lie, when 1989 came out and I was getting more into feminism I fell for this narrative of hers until her "Bad Blood" music video came out and it struck me how she was a bully. From what I heard, the beef was that Katy Perry "stole" her dancers and TS responded by making a whole music video with some of the biggest female celebrities to show off how everyone was in her corner. Then I thought...oh...she literally doesn't care about feminism (blatantly attacking another woman for something really minor) she only cares about herself!! And I got on the hate-train again. I still think she uses her power to bully other people/keep them in line about her and I swear if I were a man in Hollywood/entertainment, I would never date that woman.

She's certainly not the worst celebrity around. And also, I think to some extent, celebrities who have achieved even half the fame Swift has is likely somewhat conceited and self-centered. Anyone I'm a fan of, I'm a fan of their work first, and if they seem nice then that's a plus, but I also don't bank of them to be perfect, as long as they don't cross over into abusing others. And I don't think (from what I've been forced to know) that Swift is an abuser. Swift reminds me more of that friend-of-a-friend that makes every gathering about her and is fake-nice to you to gather information about you so she can hold it over you socially. If that makes sense.

And also some of her fans have always just been really pushy and annoying. I'm not going to act like I never threw a little temper tantrum in high school when Love Story came on or anything, but I've had my fair share of her fans as roommates and friends and I've really tried to be polite with them a least since college when I'd gotten a little more mature. Two stories really did me in, though: once in college I went on a roadtrip with a friend. We were going to be going through an area with bad radio signals and when that happened we got out the CDs. She suggested the Red album. I politely said I didn't care for Swift, and pointed out another one of her CDs of band I did like. She told me I didn't like Swift because I only heard her stuff on the radio, reached over while she was driving and pulled out the CD and put it in. I didn't want to start some sort of fight trying to get the CD out while she was driving and had to listen to that CD. This friend was trying really hard to get me to like her, but I was just so pissed she hadn't listened to me and I was trapped in there. Halfway through I asked to change it, thinking okay, it's been like 20 minutes, but no, she insisted I'd like the songs in the last half (I didn't, obviously). I also in college had my "golden" birthday and decided to throw a huge party. My roommates and one of our joint friends at the time were big into Swift. They were helping me put it together and I asked that the music they play not be a) violent toward women or b) any of Swift's music. They got the first part but then put all of the "danceable" songs of her newest album at the time on my birthday playlist. Like, not one song. At least five songs. Because they wanted it. All of the other parties and gatherings I clenched my teeth and told myself to get through it, but seriously, my own birthday party they ignored my very simple request because "it's not a party without Taylor!" I literally left my own party until the songs switched. And when I asked them to take any other of her songs off, they didn't. So. Yeah. Even though that was over a decade ago now, it doesn't help my Pavlovian response to her songs or her voice.

I just really don't think she's talented at singing, dancing, acting, or songwriting and seeing all of her everywhere is just SO MUCH.

[tookishcombeferre]

Part 2: A War In Enchancia? Is There Just Cause?

Yes. I say this only because, in my estimation, Cedric was kind of right when calling Roland out on "The Day of the Sorcerers." I will extrapolate on this. Roland wasn’t a good king. He was impulsive. He did and does dangerous things. He puts people at risk for not so great reasons. For one, Roland takes absolutely no reasonable accountability for using the Wishing Well to, basically, kill his wife. Granted, I'm sure he did not know that would be the end cause of his wish. I'm sure he was heartbroken over it. Yet, it remains that his impulsivity is dangerous. We also see this in the Wassalia episode, in which, he risks not only his own life over a few extra gifts for his children, but he also puts Baileywick in danger. Baileywick is the steward of their country. He would be the person to advise either Amber or James in Roland's absence should one of the two of them rise to a Regency position in the event of Roland's death. He puts both of them in a situation where they would be incapacitated, and it is one of the greatest acts of political stupidity I've ever witnessed. While Roland may be an outwardly beloved king because, outwardly, he's a loveable doofus. His life style would also indicate that taxes are high as a kite in that Kingdom. Maybe they're a prosperous country (they seem to be), but how much so? Like, sure, you have decent public education. However, you also have your kids turning drinking water into chocolate milk while you galavant off into the forest with your wife to doodle. He doesn't check the blueprints for the infrastructure of his Kingdom before building roads to ensure that he isn't killing off sentient beings.

There were whole hosts of things that Roland I and Roland II should have been looking into in order to avoid harming their sentient magical neighbors. Roland sees leadership as a popularity contest. We see this when he allows space for Miss Nettle, as Sasha the Sorceress, to take over a feast after having just met her because he prizes a good show over knowing a person’s true nature. (Granted that Cedric is claiming to be evil at that point, but Roland still had a longer running relationship with him than Sasha the Sorceress. He was also not planning to do anything actively evil in that episode.) Besides that, Cedric is the one who fixes Roland’s mistake in that case despite the humiliation. On the subject of Cedric, Roland II also permits the continued psychological abuse of one of his staff members by other kingdoms that began under his father. Beginning in the reign of Roland I, when "the Incident" occured, the psychological abuse of a minor was rampantly permitted and encouraged throughout the nobility. While no one was in the room when the two potions were mixed, a through investigation into the actual "scene of the crime" as it were was, apparently, never done. Instead, Enchancia chose to gaslight a 7-9 year old boy into thinking the entire accident was his fault until he was somewhere between 39-41 years old. Atonement for the years of psychological abuse is never shown in the series and the only moment we see of the character in question seeking restitution is seen as a supreme act of villainy as opposed to a legitimate call out of the treatment faced by a screwed up system of bigotry and oppression. What I'm saying is there would be actual reasons psycho-social reasons for Cedric to have overthrown Roland and for it to be completely justified. If we think about what other Disney movies/ shows have said of similar characters and situations, we could fall back on Esmeralda's line about Quasimodo "You saw what those people did out there? To let them torture that poor boy? I thought if just one person could stand up to them ..." (Or something to that effect. I'm paraphrasing.) I fail to see what makes that different, at least, on a CAUSE level. (We'll get into the other parts later. Let me cook.) Additionally, based on what we see from the servants in the show, they are overworked. They only have one assigned day off, all of them together, and they're required to spend it on a picnic with Roland and with each other. Now, granted, I don't know if they can take more time off or not. BUT! We see what happens when Baileywick tries to take time off. The kids keep trying to eat into it. Now, you may claim that Baileywick is just Baileywick and he has free will and the autonomy to say "no." The kids also learn a lesson from this. HOWEVER!! Kids learn from what they see the adults doing, AND their behavior is a precedent set by Roland/ castle norms. Roland does have a tendency to abandon his people and problems when they arise. Finale on the boat? Need I say more? Amber makes a better Queen in the finale and she's what ... twelve? Thirteen? So, based on Enchancian culture from the beginning of Roland the First's rule through the rule of Roland II there would be justification for several different characters to hold an uprising over Roland based on a lack of respect for their dignity as human beings and to their autonomy and their rights as humans.

Part 1|| Part 2|| Part 3 &4 || Part 5 & 6 || Part 7 & 8