#((Sorry for the late answer; this somehow got posted to the wrong blog months ago and I only now noticed…… bad me.))

[askvoldemort]

What do you think of Kim Possible and her nemesis Drew Lipsky (aka Dr. Drakken?)

[tipsydipsydo]

Just let me love him! 

Request: "hey! may i request an imagine where namjoon has a boyfriend (male transgender) and they decide to make their relationship public but maybe not all the fans being supportive / respectful of it? and namjoon rlly pissed off by the comments online and making posts to half educate them & half being shady haha thank u :("

Requested by: anonymous

Pairing: Namjoon x transgender Reader

Gender of the Reader: male

Word Count: 3k

Genre: Angst, Hurt and Comfort, Fluff

Warnings: mentions of Homophobia and Transphobia; mentions of hate towards the LGBTQ+ Community

A/N: Well... what should I say? I think I'll write every request individually without specify how long my writings would be. It really depends on my own idea for that request. This here took some time because I had to make some research and thought a lot about, how I want to write it.

That's also the reason why it ends up to be so long, because it was important for me to write that really long statement that Namjoons makes in here in the full version.

[Links]:

My Masterlist for your requests!

My official Blog Navigation!

I hope you all will like it! 💕

(Even when I researched things, when there is something that doesn't fit so well into the fic, please inform me 🤗)

「© tipsydipsydo」

This following story is my intellectual property and belongs only to my blog tipsydipsydo.tumblr.com!

I’ll not accept any kind of reposting, stealing or using/editing my work!

That includes reposting my content on other social media platforms too, even when you link me as the original author.

Thank you.

He should have guessed it. He should have noticed it, before the vlog would be uploaded. No, he should have known it! He should have known that it'll happen when this information gets to the public.

And at the same time he should have known that there are also some black sheeps among the ARMYs.

Although the large majority is very open, liberal and supportive, there are still some people who call themselves an "Army" and "support" them, but they're also very open when they don't like something.

It could be their new outfit, their new haircut or, like now, their lifestyle and their relationships. When something deviates from their idealized image, which means that his members and he no longer correspond to the overly perfect image of that Army, they start hating.

There aren't many, but they still exist. Sadly.

And all of that just starts because of a scene and the one sentence he had said to explain it.

Yesterday he uploaded a self-made vlog on the occasion of his birthday, in which he simply wanted to take the Armys through his day and show them, how he's spending his birthday this year. Nothing "bad", right?

You two made your relationship public three months ago. Of course, after this public announcement, the excitement was big and pretty much every korean and even some international boulevard magazines as well reported about it. Who could ever have guessed that there will be a young man at the side of the world known K-Pop Idol Kim Namjoon instead of a woman??

The biggest gossip subsided after a week and since two months pretty much everything turned out to be quite normal again. Namjoon and you get a lot of encouragement and support for your relationship from the vast majority of fans, you already have an official shipping name (and Namjoon has to admit that it sounds really cute!) Beside that, fanarts of you two have been already created, based on the few couple pictures that Namjoon recently posted in their Twitter account.

However, Namjoon "only" introduced you as his boyfriend. He hadn't told the whole publicity that you were transgender and "actually biologically a woman". Why should he?

You identify yourself as a boy, just you weren't born as such, which is why you want to adapt your gender to your actual identity. It's not more than that and all that just means that you are his boyfriend, nothing else.

Joon just introduced you as his partner and not that you are female to male transgender because that has actually nothing to do with your relationship.

And then there was the thing with his birthday vlog. He had thought that this little thing wouldn't attract attention, probably because it had become so normal for him.

You brunched together in a restaurant on the day of his birthday, enjoyed the good food together and laughed a lot. Really nothing so unusual when you go out to with your partner.

This was followed by the fateful scene that has caused all of these comments now.

You two were so deep in your conversation that you completely forgot to pay attention to the time. However, you still had a doctor's appointment that day, which is why you rushed out of the restaurant in a hurry.

You just noticed it a bit too late that you'll have a doctor's appointment for your next testosterone injection on Namjoon's birthday. But you could't and didn't even want to re-arrange a new appointement because you need the renewal in a relativly regular interval.

So the vlog only showed a few seconds where you two sprint stressed but also laughing to a taxi, so that you'd somehow still belong halfway to your actual time of the appointment in the doctor's office.

When you get your injection, Joonie waits for you in the empty waiting room and explain shortly in the vlog, why this appointment is so important.

"Unfortunately, my sweetheart was born in the wrong body and to be able that he can live with his correct gender identity, he has to go to the doctor to get his dosis of testosterone."

And that was it actually. After that you went back to your shared apartement, where the boys surprised Namjoon with a little birthday party. Congratulated their leader for getting older and then unpack all the presents together. With it, the vlog was uploaded. Namjoon and the boys had given no further thought to this "new piece of information" that turned out be the reason for these controversial comments under his vlog. Simply because it's already become normal for everyone. You are a transgender, but you're just Namjoon's Boyfriend for everyone. Nothing more.

Nevertheless, some "fans" don't see it that way, they even starts questioning if it's correct to call you Namjoon's "boyfriend" because you just can't be a "real boy". After this comment all the other ones only got even more worse.

Namjoon got the opportunity to read the comments when he already was on his way to the studio. He had wondered this morning why you were so silent and inwardly at breakfast. He had ask you gently if something happed or if you're not feeling well. But you just shook your head and said that you slept badly. Namjoon doesn't ask further because he was sure, that you woulf know that you can always be completely honest with him. And Namjoon doesn't want to blame you, that you would be lying to him, so he just gives you a loving smile.

How wrong he was when he read through all these awful comments under the vlog.

The other members have seen these comments too, they're so damn furious, with what kind of words you're called in there and that some of the them wished that Namjoon would please break up with you.

They should've trained the new choreography today, but this incident is now much more important and the way how they want to deal with it. They came to the decision to make a clear statement.

Actually it's planned that Jimin make a vlive today, but they decide that Namjoon should make it instead due to the situation.

He himself is not so sure yet whether he should really do it today, the anger about these disrespectful comments is still too big and he cannot promise not to say rude things to the fans himself as well. He wants to give them a better role model than to hate each other. However, he's becoming more and more aware of the importance of publishing his vlive today.

Because you're his boyfriend and through your relationship, you get so much more attention, which unfortunately also increases the possibility of harrassing you, for what you are, a lot more. He brought you into this situation, so Namjoon also feels obliged to stand up for you and show you that he's absolutely not going to accept something like that!

In addition, it's so important to him and all the other members to show that they will accept hate and harrassing of LGBTQ+ people in no way.

It breaks Namjoon's heart when he comes home and sees your red, swollen eyes, testifying that you cried. He had tried countless times to contact you throughout the day, but you neither answered his calls nor his text messages.

The last time when you were online in the messenger was tonight. Probably when you read all these terrible comments.

"Hey baby...", Namjoon whispers softly as he comes up to you and closes his arms around your body, pressing you tightly, almost protectively against his chest.

"I know what happened. I read everything."

With these words your body begins to tremble in his arms, you press your face into the crook of his neck and a little sob comes from your lips.

Namjoon holds you, strokes his fingers gently through your hair and whispers sweet nothings into your ear to calm you down.

You take a trembling breath in and say in a broken voice: "I am so sorry that I am causing you and the others such problems..."

When these words comes over your lips, Namjoon takes your tear-streaked face in his hands and gently kisses your tears away.

"No, no, no, my love! Don't say things like that, they're absolutely not true! You are not the problem, definitely not! The problem are these people out there who just don't want to accept that not all people can’t identify with the gender they’ve been born with. Maybe because it’s just so normal and natural for them to be a girl or boy. Apparently these people cannot put themselves in your shoes, what it's like to feel like a boy or girl but stuck in the body of the opposite sex. Apparently they don't even tried to imagine what it would be like if they weren't born a what they are. How it would be to be born in a different body with their previous gender identification. You are not the problem. The problem are the people who cannot listen to you, at least to understand how debiliating this situation is for you. So instead of Jimin, I'm going to do the vlive today and I'll talk with Armys about it. I will tell them that I will not tolerate Transphobia and any other Phobias of the LGBTQ+ community at all."

Your swollen eyes snaps open and you look at Namjoon in disbelief. As you want to open your lips to ask him, if he's really sure about that because he could get even more hate for that, he already knows what you're about to say.

Before these words can leave your lips, he quickly presses his owns on yours and gives you a gentle kiss full of love.

"I want to do that, my love. I want to do this for you, for us, for our LGBTQ+ ARMYs and for all these other peoples. It's important for me to make this statement."

When you nod slowly, Namjoon released the embrace and gave you a last kiss on the lips.

Then he goes into the living room to the dining table, where his laptop is and logs in.

You go quietly to the couch and wrap yourself up in your favorite blanket. To be honest, you don't really know what to expect. Before Namjoon starts his vlive, he looks at you and forms a silent "I love you" with his lips.

"Hey guys. I know Jimin should be sitting right here infront of the screen and doing his vlive with you. However, something happened tonight that I want to talk with you about it. I think you already know, we uploaded my Birthday vlog yesterday and there are comments written which are absolutely terrible and I'm not going to accept that under any circumstances.", Namjoon starts the vlive.

Today there is no trace of his usual playful and childish behavior, which he shows so often in his vlives. He's absolutely serious.

"Some of you are asking why you just got the information now, that Y/N is transgender and why we didn't tell you right away with our relationship announcement. I decided against it for the simple reason that it doesn't matter in our relationship. Y/N doesn't identify with his biological gender, although his body may be female, he is actually a boy who unfortunately was born in the wrong body. He is a boy and therefore he is my boyfriend."

"I introduced him to you as my boyfriend, because it doesn't matter who he was before, what gender he has from birth. It should only be about who he is now, who can he be now, that he's able to be finally that person who he want to be. We should finally give these people, like Y/N, the opportunity to live in the gender identity they are, without always saying 'But you are in reality woman, right?'."

"No, not really, in reality is Y/N a man. Can we please finally give them the opportunity to live in the gender with which they identify themselves. So when they should identify with the specific genders like male and female. And if that's not the case, if you assign yourself as nonbinary, it's perfectly okay! After all, there is still so much space between these two genders! We should give all of them the opportunity to simply live the way they are."

"That's why I think, that we all should be very happy, that we can identify ourself with our biological gender! Therefore, we should help all the other people to find their right gender when their biological gender doesn't suit them! And that they're able to show themself in public."

Namjoon takes a deep breath after this long monologue and grabs to his water glass to drink a bit. While doing this, he read all the new comments that pops up. They are very different, some are positive and supportive and then there are these other comments, literally saying how he can talk such a shit. 'There are only two genders, nothing between them and everyone has to be able to identify with their own gender!'

It is precisely in this conflict that he realizes again that ignorance and the lack of will to understand each other are two of the major problems.

"As I read your comments, one thing caught my eye very clearly. We're talking too much about each other than with each other."

"I know, as a person who can identify themself fairly well with their biological gender, it's pretty hard to imagine what it would be like if it weren't. And because of that, we have to talk about it. I know that all transgender or generally all LGBTQ+ people are tired of having to explain their gender identity or their sexuality all over again and again. Having to explain, why they are the way they are now."

"But I think that it'll be the only way to remove these stereotypes and prejudices, as well as fear of 'this unknown thing' and thus all these unjustifiably phobias and racism. Just because a person cannot identify with their biological gender doesn't mean that you have to change yours too! It means, that you should simply accept and respect it! However, we should give all these people the chance to finally develop in such a way that they can really be themselves. Regardless of whether they are assign themself as male, female or no specific gender."

"There are still so many questions in the room that result from pure lack of knowledge. And that's normal, of course, we can't know everything, but we can learn something new every day. Ask each other questions, so that you have the opportunity to be able to imagine yourself into the position of an other person. So at least try to understand how the other person must feel. It's a long way but we should try to finally remove this hate that is caused by ignorance and misunderstandings."

"There are always two peoples involved in a conversation. That's why I appeal to the LGBTQ+ community to be still patient with us, even if you're already so sick of it. You must have the feeling of literally speaking against a wall... And all people who identify with their biological gender and are heterosexual, so you practically correspond to the 'ideal image' of society with it, should listen to the LGBTQ+ Community and ask questions, so that these prejudices and this hate can finally be stopped and we all are able to live peacefully together. I know, this idea is utopian, but we can still try to get as close as possible to this utopia of a peaceful coexistence of all peoples."

Namjoon takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment before dropping the statement.

"And who, after my monologue, still refuses to simply ask the peoples questions when they don't understand something and still prefer to think about them in prejudices, please unfollow BTS and BigHit Entertainment."

Your eyes are round like plates and your mouth opens, want to say something, but no words comes over your lips.

In the corner of his eye, Namjoon sees how the comment section with messages literally explodes.

"I am not saying this out of pure selfishness just because I am angry and hurt. I am saying this because all members agree with this statement. We decided for this statement together."

"Of course we know, that you're still able to see all of our things, we cannot forbid you from listening to our music. But we all wanted to talk about this topic once. BTS and the Army community should be a safe space for all Armys, regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation. We wanted to make sure that all Armys in our large community are welcome and that they'll be respected in the way they are."

"The members and me just need to know that we all can be honest with you and don't have to hide anything. That we can be sure you’re supporting us really. We just want that all peoples that follow us, are trying their best to understand each other. Of course, we all will never agree at the same point of view and that's a good thing! But we should respect each other's gender identity, sexual orientation and opinion. Because in the end we all are just humans. No more, no less."

"I would like to come to an end of this vlive for today. And for all haters out there, I'm not going to break up with Y/N. Please just respect that I love him. Exactly the way he is!"

With these words, Namjoon goes offline and closes the laptop, smiling at you softly when he comes to you on the couch.

"I love you. Please don't forget that," he whispers in your ear as he slips under the blanket and snuggles up to you.

Like I wrote it in Namjoons statement, I try my best to imagine myself into your position even when I never made these experiences (and probably never will) you had to make. That's why I'm always open to talk and listen to you, to learn new things about it!

And even when I'll never be able to understand you "really", then I'll make sure that you know that I still care for you guys, okay?

Love you 💜

[marshmallowgoop]

This is something I should have edited together.

So here it is: (a lot of!) the sweet messages I’ve received in the last month or so that are in direct response to my anonymous hate mail. 

I don’t know how true it is, but I’ve heard it said that humans are remarkably negative creatures, and it takes so many more positive experiences to balance out just one negative experience. And maybe it’s not that universal a thing, but I can say that it sure feels relevant to my own life.

So, I think it’s important to remind myself that, no matter how much it seems like it’s so easy to attack me but so difficult to support me, I’ve actually received far more kind messages than cruel messages throughout this whole mess. And the kind messages are so much more thoughtful, too—and often attached to real names! 

And... I think that says something when I’m as cringey and humiliating as I am. These folks aren’t too ashamed to say that they’re here for me and what I do.

(But that said, I have removed names from anything that wasn’t a reblog or reply because I don’t want to embarrass anyone. Please let me know if you don’t want your words here at all, and I’ll blur them out. I don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable.)

There’s some stuff I want to address under the cut—along with a transcript if anyone is interested in reading these words but has trouble with the screenshots—but more important than any of my ramblings to follow, I want to thank everyone who took the time to write out these supportive sentiments and who continues to support me. I know these meltdowns are a drag, and I know I’ve been a nuisance. Thank you for sticking with me. I aim to be better and live up to what these messages say.

First things first, I want to clarify why I posted the collage of all the hate the other day. I didn’t approach that well, and I’m sorry. I realized too late that it was a bad decision.

Really, that collage was more meant just for me. Maybe it’s sad, but I’ve been actively writing on this site for a good half decade now, and for a lot of that time, I’ve almost craved anon hate. I was disappointed that I never got any. I wondered what the heck I was doing wrong.

After all, I have so many unpopular opinions. I realized that a lot of the community disliked me—or if that’s too strong a word, I knew they didn’t want anything to do with me—because of what I think and how I feel. But they never wanted to voice anything to my face. I wasn’t worth the effort to be attacked. I was nothing. Nobody.

There’s this quote from Tibor Kalman that I think about a lot: “[W]hen you make something no one hates, no one loves it.” If no one hated me enough to hate me right to my face, I thought, then I wasn’t good enough. I was boring. Easily forgotten. Not worth the effort.

So, getting all that anon hate for the first time? God, it hurt. It hurt so bad. Getting everything I’d always feared the community hated about me—as well as things I didn’t even consider them hating about me—right in my inbox? Ow. I cried a lot. I wanted to burn everything I ever wrote a lot. I wanted to quit making stuff for this community a lot. 

What’s the use? I thought—selfishly, of course, keeping in mind all the support up above. Why do I try? It was cruel and unfair, but I kept thinking these things. I kept thinking, What’s the use when nobody wants me here?

But I also thought about the implications of getting all that stuff thrown at me. And I knew it meant one thing: I’m not boring anymore.

There is at least one person out there who frequently checks my blog for more things to rail on me for. There is at least one person going out of their way to write nasty, awful, mean-spirited messages. There is at least one person eagerly waiting for me to respond, to say something, anything, so that they can hurt me and drag me and push me down.

After all these years, to at least one person, I’m worth the effort. No matter how much the messages have stung and destroyed me, I wanted to keep a record of them to remind myself, hey. Someone or someones out there hate(s) me this much for having a different opinion on a cartoon. Maybe that says that my opinions on this cartoon are worth something. 

I mean, they’re worth this level of mocking and ridicule, right?

But... I could have just kept the collage to myself. It’s a personal motivation. Nobody else needs to see these terrible things. That just encourages the cruelty even more. Why did I publicize it?

Well, it’s not too uncommon for Internet content creators to make something out of their hate comments. I like the trend of turning the comments into songs, like here, for example:

At the end of the video, Madilyn Bailey, the artist, says that the purpose of the song is to mock Internet troll culture and make something positive from the negativity.

But I wouldn’t say that that was really my motivation for posting my collage. Call me silly and naive, but I wanted to draw attention to these Internet fandom issues. Everything in that collage is what I was having to deal with... on top of my normal life struggles. 

While all of this was happening, I was tapering off my anxiety and depression medication because I felt it wasn’t as effective as it could be and because I feared it was making me lose my hair—something that I am extremely self-conscious about. I cut my hair short nearly a decade ago, and it’s never grown back to the same length. 

So, needless to say, while all of this was happening, I was horrified about the big clumps of hair lost in the shower. I was dealing with lightheadedness and dizziness from the withdrawal of my meds (which I’m still dealing with, btw), and I was also dealing with stresses at work. My department has changed management within the last year, and there’s been the concern that people will lose their jobs. There’s been the concern that this occupation won’t be enough to support me anymore.

While all of this was happening, I was stressed about my career, about money, about growing older—the beginning of the anon hate assault was just days before my birthday. I couldn’t see my therapist as much as I wanted because there ain’t enough therapists out there for all this world’s issues. 

And while I know that I shouldn’t compare, I also know well that my struggles are nothing compared to the struggles of others. So, how must it feel to deal with all the crap that life just normally throws at you, that’s probably a lot worse for most people than it is for me... and then come home to messages that treat you like a disgusting, horrible, awful human being for your feelings on a cartoon? For work you offer to a community for free and fun? 

For answers to questions that you only answered because you were asked to?!

Well, it felt pretty bad to me.

When I posted my collage, I meant to send a message about how this is not okay. I don’t want to see this kind of behavior, and I’m bothered that I don’t know how normal or common what happened to me is. Is this an everyday occurrence for online content creators? Have I just been shielded all these years because I wasn’t interesting enough?

I hoped that by sharing what I was going through, it’d draw attention to the problem. We shouldn’t be treating our fandom content creators like this. It’s not fair. It’s sick.

Of course, I don’t want to guilt anyone into supporting me. I don’t want anyone to feel like they can’t criticize me. I don’t want anyone to feel that, just because I was dealing with a Lot in life, any poor behavior on my part is somehow okay. It isn’t.

The comments that probably hurt me the most in that collage aren’t even the “hate” ones. They’re the ones that express that I messed up. That I hurt them. I can’t say I agree with how these feelings were expressed, but more than any nasty, personally insulting message, those probably hit hardest. I hate the feeling that I’m disappointing my followers. In fact, in taking screenshots for this post, I saw that at least one of the people who had sent me a sweet message has since unfollowed. And that—the sense that I should just stop, that my work really is as horrible as the cruel anons say, that I’m no longer someone they want to support because I’m a disaster and a failure—that... really, really stung.

But as I’ve said before, I can’t blame anyone for leaving me after all this drama. It stinks. It sucks. I messed up. I try to be kind, respectful, considerate, but I’m not perfect, and there are gonna be mistakes along the way. 

So I want to encourage—but only if you’re comfortable doing so, of course—more feedback about how to be better. How could I make my content more appealing? How could I handle these situations in ways that are less awful? Could I improve my post-tagging system? My therapist is helping me, but I’d like to hear from all y’all, too. I want to know how to make stuff that people actually enjoy. Anon hate doesn’t exactly help me make better content, but actual constructive feedback will. That’s what I want to see.

But enough bellyaching. Here are some posts I’m prioritizing right now, and I’d like to know which one folks would want to see most:

✄ “ambiguous” thoughts

✄ Ryuko stronger in episode 14, North Kanto monkey versus Osaka monkey

✄ Episode 6 ending

✄ Ryuko and Senketsu interactions

✄ Ripping out heart

✄ Satsuki’s isolation

✄ Things About: Senketsu, Satsuki, Mako, Tsumugu (maybe more?)

✄ Ryuko’s IF story, episodes 5-8

✄ Ryuko’s IF story, episodes 9-10

✄ Anime Revolution info

It’s a lot, I know ^^; And that’s not even close to all of it. But where should I start? Don’t worry; I intend to finish everything here—especially because a lot of these are old, old requests!—but I’m easily overwhelmed, so an idea of where to begin would be really helpful for me!

tl;dr, I shouldn’t have posted that thing the other day, and maybe this long vomit dump about my intentions doesn’t even come close to making up for it. But I want folks to know that I appreciate their support and would love any feedback about how to better serve the community and live up to these kind messages.

Which, speaking of, here’s a transcript of them:

“As a survivor that's ace I think you're handling the ragyo situation excellently and I'm really enjoying your blog so thank you!”

“Sorry you’re dealing with backlash in regards to your opinions and headcanons on Ragyo, dear! While I can’t really say much on the matter, I think it’s fair that you’re being open with us on how you feel and that you’re entitled to your opinion. Does that mean people will agree with you? No, but that’s okay! Or at the very last, it should be...but people can get heated when certain topics come up and that’s when it Gets Messy”

“There’s no right way to fandom, people jumping in your ask to belittle you are jerks. Tbh the first time I watched Kill La Kill I didn’t consider ryuko and senketsu relationship as romantic but after finding your writing and on subsequent watches I totally see it and like that’s the whole point of fandom right? A group of people who love a thing for varying reasons, I don’t understand this need to be monolithic in fandom. Anyways I love your writing and totally understand your frustrations of late”

“Guys, come on. It’s a work of fiction. People are allowed to like whatever they want to like. You don’t like that? That’s fine! But please, leave Goop alone for stating her mind and expressing how she feels about it. She wouldn’t hark you for your opinion because she’s fully aware of how could make you feel. She’s done nothing but pout her heart out about a series she loves, it’s her passion. If someone did that to YOU, you wouldn’t like it, now would you? (1/2)

“I know it’s not going to magically change overnight and everyone will say their peace to feel validated, but I just feel so bad that you’re getting all of this over things that you’ve previously talked about and STILL have to defend yourself for. Your opinion is yours, Goop, and don’t let ANYONE try to challenge that! (2/2)”

“Please don't be so hard on yourself! I understand why it makes you upset when people send hate and stuff but you shouldn't feel the need to justify every single word you say. I just wanted to let you know that I always adored everything you write and I'm completely on your side in all of this. :) I hope you feel better soon!”

“I think your takes are very good; but more important than everyone agreeing w/ everyone elses readings, I think, is that you are a very good writer of analysis and it would be a shame for you to falter in that because of ppls reactions to your content. anyone who harasses you about having the 'wrong opinions' about fiction needs to learn how analysis of fiction functions & find a better outlet :) you are very talented, Goop, please follow your true north!”

“People get hung up on weird things, like you can disagree with someone and not devolve to personal attacks??? Anyways I enjoy your klk content! I look forward to more analysis of the game!”

“man, i dunno why so many anons gotta be such massive jackasses, you don't deserve it. hell, i don't even ship ryuketsu (I lean towards a more queerplatonic partnership interpretation, and im generally allergic to romantic shipping anyways) and i still deeply appreciate the thought and research and care you put into your meta.”

“ik you don't want asks about this but as a sexual assault survivor you are absolutely valid on how you feel about Ragyo. I skip the bath scene on every rewatch, and I find her atrocious. The fact that people are attacking you for this is dumb.”

“Hey man you’re allowed to talk about who you want on your blog. It’s your shit. People are so entitled nowadays and can’t let people have opinions anymore. You’re not dumb, you’re not trying to be offensive. And it hurts seeing how you’re trying to be courteous and step on eggshells and still getting dragged. Like people are allowed to disagree but there’s no need to be rude to someone trying not to be rude. You’re literally saying an opinion. Everyone else relax, my dude. You’re fine.”

“It’s amazing how all these people can recognize ragyos terrible behavior but insist on having to defend her….”

 “Just wanted to shout over all of this hate and say you have an amazing blog and you shouldn’t let this get you down. Keep doing what you’re doing because it’s legitimately awesome. Anyway that’s all I had to say. Keep being you.”

“Hey Goop. Just always remember that even if we're quieter, there will always be more people supporting you and loving you than people hating you. I really hope you don't let these anons destroy your health in a more permanent way. Keep up the good work!”

“Hello! Just wanted to say that I love your posts and analyses of klk so much! I love seeing how passionate you are about it (bc I am too) and I also ship Ryuketsu SUPER hard! I'm sorry if people are getting you down, but I hope you keep on doing your thing!”

trashcanalienist said: I agree with this so much

tolliver-j-mortaelwyver said: …don’t ever let someone else’s insecurities become part of you. 😉

official-raven-branwen reblogged this from marshmallowgoop and added:

Ya’ll got a problem with Goop, you can fuck outta here with that.

#Lookin at you anon

official-raven-branwen said: Why are people being mean to you??! Goop, please please please don’t ever think that your content isn’t wanted. If people are having an issue, that’s on them. They can fuck right off.

tolliver-j-mortaelwyver said: More Ryuketsu! Indeed!

kuribo4indahouse said: Kill la Kill needs you

csolarstorm said: Hey Goop, I sympathize. It’s never easy to share opinions about topics like this, because everyone has a different story, and they all want their story heard by others. I’ve found that you can’t accomodate everyone’s struggles - you can only speak for yourself. Keep on writing, I love Kill la Kill and Iook forward to reading your work.

official-raven-branwen said: You got this! 

kuribo4indahouse said: Don’t worry, and don’t count out the possibility of becoming bigger over time!

gaylo-thymos said: Hell yea, you’re doing your very best to be out there and that’s what matters. Keep bein you!

darthvandr said: Well regardless of recent events, you’re one of my favorite blogs and I’d be sad if you left. So you just keep on being you!

kuribo4indahouse said:

Who the fuck wrote that lol

Are those even real people writing those messages? Who would be this rude over a TV show?

And then they call you “butthurt”… Any self awareness?

official-raven-branwen replied to your post “You’re so butthurt about this Ragyou thing. Get over yourself. So…”

You are awesome Goop! Don’t listen to those asshat anons. You rock and those anons mean nothing. You keep being you because you are enough!

Not sure why you have such awful anons. You are an awesome person. Please know that you opinions on stuff that you (very obviously) love are perfectly valid, because they are your opinions, on your own freaking blog. And to that anon that sent you that message, listen dude, if you don’t like the content Goop puts out, there’s the unfollow button right there champ.

eldritchgentleman reblogged your photo and added:

Fuck the opinions of others and enjoy what you love! They don’t own you, listening to them doesn’t make you happy so screw them with a pineapple.

simon-newman​​ reblogged your photo and added:

Also Ryuko and Senketsu is a valid ship.

eric-coldfire reblogged your photo and added:

Absolute valid ship, op. Ignore the haters and keep being you.

kuribo4indahouse​​ reblogged your post and added:

Just laugh at these Goop.

badgerjaw​​ replied to your post “goops, you’re starting to stoop to the level of those that are bugging…”

I don’t think this anon knows what patronizing means, nor can they tell the difference between getting a big head and acknowledging the amount you do in this fandom. To each their own, nonny, cheers

badgerjaw replied to your post “You realize some of us don’t have Tumblr accounts, we’re coming over…”

At least the shirt in question can consent; wonder if these nonnies are gonna get on the people who abuse their non-sentient socks?

“I'm sorry. I don't always necessarily agree with the ideas, but I haven't been offended.”

“And I know you're like, you know, a reasonable, nice person. So even if you did say something that came off as offensive, I wouldn't be up in arms about it, you know?”

“Hey Goop, I know this is coming really late but here's what I wanted to say

“You didn't deserve any ounce of that anon hate.

“I'm just absolutely stunned. There was nothing wrong with what you posted. Not then, not now. Because all you were doing was expressing your OWN interpretations. You weren't trying to claim anything as set-in-stone fact

“And... I don't understand. I don't understand why people are SO angry that another person has an opinion they don't share. In the end, what are we talking about here? An anime...

“Don't get me wrong. The topics you discussed were indeed important to talk about, and fiction definitely does influence reality. But the fact of the matter is that, when it comes down to it, your posts were simply you sharing some headcanons about some characters from an anime

“And... when you look at the grand scheme of things, I really do think those anons are really quite pathetic. I mean. Consider what sort of person they have to be so get SO angry over a post like ‘Hey I think Ragyo might be ace’ and say ‘How can you be this STUPID Ragyo is OBVIOUSLY a lesbian and YOUR WHOLE BLOG IS A BAD TAKE’ like really?????

“Actually you didn't even say ‘Ragyo might be ace,’ it was more of a ‘I personally feel like Ragyo is ace’ and?? What's the issue with that?????/

“I'm sorry if I'm rambling but I'm so upset that you're upset cause of those anons and all the hate you got over NOTHING

“Also, don't discount the fact that there are indeed people out there who agree with you. I know you mentioned that you don't think anyone shares the same opinions on Ragyo as you do. But in all my years of following you, I've realized one thing

“You and I... have the same opinions on EVERYTHING????????

“But let me be clear. That's not why I support you. It doesn't matter if we have the same headcanons. 

“Even if I disagreed with everything you said, I'd still support you. Because it's not the headcanons that matter—it's how respectful you are and how you're always trying to better yourself. You always try SO SO SO hard to express yourself in a reasonable and kind way, and you are always trying to be mindful of your wording and considerate of other people's opinions

“It really upsets me to see you apologize so much to people who don't deserve an apology.”

“Hi, Goop. I want to thank you for everything you do on this blog. I started getting into your Kill la Kill content in around 2016. I even keep a copy of your meta book downloaded on my phone to reread every now and then. 

“I think what I like so much about your writing is how in-depth and supported and thoughtful it all is. Kill la Kill is so easy for people to write off as just a flashy, over the top, fanservice show. I think the biggest takeaway from the show is that it truly is a story about friendship and love, and I’m glad that you write so, so much about this. It always gets me all giddy and excited when I see you post something new or when you reblog your old stuff. I first watched the show in 2014, then I rewatched it two more times, knowing that I liked it, but not knowing exactly why. 

“Until I started reading your blog. It’s really thanks to you that Kill la Kill is now my unbeatable, number one favorite anime ever. 

“You put into words so eloquently what I’ve always felt towards Kill la Kill since I first watched it. I want you to know I really appreciate you. Please know you have my support, and I hope you keep doing what you love.”

“First off HAPPY BIRTHDAY~ 

“I just hope that anon finds something more fulfilling than spewing hate and nonsense. Like model trains, or magic tricks. I know my life got a lot more bright when I kept my nose out of people’s business and started focusing on the things I love to do.”

“I'm sorry that you have to deal with these trolls. :/ Some people just like to get a reaction. 

“*would talk more but feels that the conversation is past its expiration* 

“I respect you for expressing your opinion. Lord knows how illegal that is when insecure people get offended.”

“super late at night for me and I should be sleeping but I saw all your responses and how you tried to handle things and just felt really bad. You're in a situation that things just can't be solved with a simple logical response. Like I said sometimes people just have a view and when they disagree they just need to attack others who are part of that disagreement.”

kurouga replied to your post “[[MOR] I already knew people felt this way about me, but I guess…”

You don’t know if it needs you? At times like these I’d say the fandom doesn’t deserve you. It’s always mind-boggling – and yeah, saddening – to recognize how readily people forget how to be civil and begin to hold the meaning they see in fiction as more important than the feelings and experiences of others. Meanwhile you’re classy, humble, patient, and resilient enough to have retained these qualities where so many others… haven’t. Nothing short of inspiring.

I’d say it’s reflective of the cancerous state of fandom environments that it’s so much easier to win support with sweeping, neat and tidy divisiveness – that is, by resorting to discouraging, dismissing, or ridiculing differences in opinion – than it is to garner support as a thoughtful proponent of discussion.

Those who would argue “This fandom would be perfect if only those people who have other opinions/ships would just *stop* already” are those who would rather reign over a wasteland than accept that their views aren’t threatened/invalidated by the existence of differing views. And they almost certainly don’t appreciate the irony in that the perfect victory they envision is one in which what remains of the fandom is all cut from the same cloth. Never stop being you, goop.

“Hey uh saw that you're going through some brutal stuff with a anon. But I wanted you to know you're handling it like a champ and hopefully they'll get on with their life soon!”

“No problem I always look forward to getting notifications for your posts. It's kinda sad that you can't talk about opinions on here without someone getting upset but I hope that doesn't stop you from continuing!”

“You write a lot about things and you're sure to upset someone but at least you're being honest and always try to resolve disagreements realistically. I'm sorry that you're crying and all but I hope you do feel better soon! It's gonna be your birthday after all ✌️”

“I don’t know if I clicked the right button. Sorry. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I really, really respect your work and to thank you, because you bring so much happiness to life of me and my other friends. Keep up with your good work and continue to share love for Kill La Kill and for t h e m. *salutes*”

“hey! heard you'd been getting shit lately from people deliberately seeking to misunderstand the work you've put into the KLK fandom over the years (doubt you'd remember me but i'm still [blurred for privacy] on AO3). even though i don't use tumblr anymore on a regular basis, of all the people i met and knew, even tangentially, in this fandom, you've always stuck out to me as one of the loveliest and most dedicated fans and my favorite meta writer, period. please keep it up!”

korra-n-stuff​​ replied to your post “You realize some of us don’t have Tumblr accounts, we’re coming over…”

can these anons please go away? you’re wonderful goop, dont change. These people just has sticks in their asses

fromtheriverbanks​​ replied to your post “Guys, come on. It’s a work of fiction. People are allowed to like…”

I love your analysis. I tend to agree with the stuff about Ryuko and Senketsu and think it’s a big part of what makes the show beautiful. If there were PhDs in Kill la Kill, you would deserve one.

[bloodfcst-a]

Hey, y’all. Tumblr’s been setting off my anxiety in the last few days, thus the reason I’ve been away. I’ll give you a full explanation under the cut for those who are interested (though I’d really appreciate it if you all read it anyway), and provide some contact information for places you can find me.

Discord: conjure. ☆#6443 Twitch: ninabeanxo Twitter: mishtadelet

I’ve been kind of quiet on Discord lately & I’m the most active on Twitter. I also announce when I’m streaming on Twitter, so... yeah. Sorry about this.

I want to be here. I really do. But there’s something about the summers on Tumblr that are really hard on me. I also think people’s attitudes change & idk why, but people seem to treat me pretty rudely? I try so hard to be approachable, to be kind and positive and supportive, but the amount that people try to take advantage of me or are just plain rude to me is?? So wild. So for those reasons, I’ve just kind of been isolating myself lately, and I may seem a little distant/less approachable/not talking much about myself because tbh... some of y’all are just haphazardly setting off my anxiety / panic attacks and I seriously can’t do it. I already have PTSD, so it’s a fucking nightmare lmao.

There is no gentle way of saying this, but it really needs to be stated. Please respect my triggers, or I will not talk to you. Please respect if I ask you not to mention something or someone to me.

and this is a really big one....

Please respect my boundaries.

If I have mentioned to you that I am not vibing with someone, do not send me media of them / that includes them, do not ask me about ships with them, do not tag me in posts of / with them, and please stop asking me about group verses / affiliated servers. In my time on tumblr, I’ve dealt with theft, bullying, emotional abuse, sexual harassment & solicitation. I’m constantly asking myself ‘ Why me? ’ but more than that, I’m really trying to avoid further situations from happening. I haven’t found an answer. I’m guessing it’s ‘cause I’m soft / nice? idk. Stop ruining a good thing. Y’all are gonna make me bitter, dang. 

When I made this blog, I was explicit that I do not want to be in mainstream FF fandom. When I promo this blog, I even say primarily fandomless & canon-divergent. There is way too much messiness in the fandom, extremely toxic people & tendencies there, and I just don’t like fandom discussion. Regardless of my reasons, the point is that I’m not interested, so please stop trying to entice me to go back. It’s so blatantly rude & shows you think your interests & wishes are more important than my comfort level, and I don’t appreciate that sentiment in the slightest.

That being said, I know Yufi reads differently. That’s why I put so much work into her metas. I even have two tags for all the content. At some point I’ll even have a less minimalistic blog & with more links so it’s super accessible ( in the off chances searching for the ‘  meta ’ and ‘ kisaragi ‘ tags don’t work ). But in the meantime... ask questions. Read. Join a stream. I’ve literally streamed games & movies for folks privately & occasionally stream now. I actually started a new file of VII not too long ago and just got Yuffie, so I could literally have a gameplay stream where we go through canon together. I’m like... nearly begging. Don’t make assumptions.

Again, there are so many resources. There’s wikis, there’s the tags, there’s the inbox ( just ask! ), there’s streams, there’s gameplay & commentary videos, there’s stuff. If you are confused or unsure, I would much rather you reach out. This is regardless of how long I’ve known you, ‘cause some of us have known me for a while and still don’t know anything about me or my portrayal or how to interact, in- or out-of-character.

On the topic of assumptions (because it really is that important, so many issues stem from assumptions & you continuously making the wrong assumptions will leave me less inclined to speak with you, nevermind interact), let’s address some.

I do not write a hyper-sexualized muse. I know this is fanon because of her choice in clothes... however, clothes are a fashion choice, and do not reflect a person’s... existence? I don’t know if it’s the masculinity or the rape culture or what but... what she’s wearing does not mean she deserves any hypersexual treatment... and also as an extension, myself ( bc this happens way too frequently-- please stop seeing my muse and then approaching me about your personal sexual fantasies. It is extremely uncomfortable, as someone who is sex-neutral & demiromantic, to be randomly selected to talk about sex? with me personally? via my muse? Or about my muse when we have zero chemistry? Why do y’all think this is okay??). When I do choose to write sexual / nsfw content, it’s always after conversations ( plural!! ) with my writing partner & after I feel comfortable with the topic and with them. But even if I had her hoein’ it up on the dash, that doesn’t mean to make assumptions about her character (bc maybe there’s character motivations I need to write a meta for & it’s part of her background) or me (the mun is not the muse!! say it with me!!).

I do not write a kleptomanic. Again, this is entirely fanon, because Yuffie says in literally everything she’s mentioned in that she does not steal without a purpose-- and the highest purpose is that she’s stealing items that would restore the power and glory of Wutai or for her personal safety. However, I very rarely write theft... I try really hard to steer clear of the topic because I’m aware that it’s like the #1 thing she’s reduced to. She’s a thief class, yes, but that is not the only dimension to her. I could go on, but I think that’s enough.

Just because our characters share canon does not mean they’re going to have chemistry. I am canon-divergent. But not only that... Yuffie just doesn’t vibe with most people as a canon fact. She is an outsider to like... 99% of people, exclusion being Godo ( Wutai ) & the Turks & the WRO. She doesn’t even claim herself as a member of AVALANCHE. Not only this, but the dynamic she has with one Reeve or Cloud does not represent every duplicate-- that comes with plotting and with chemistry. We will have to plot & work together to figure out exactly how our versions of characters mesh. This is a collaborative hobby.... so the collaborating shouldn’t be that much of a surprise. 

If you come guns-a-blazin’ without clearly having read anything about my portrayal, with completely inaccurate characterizations & just assume because we’re friendly out-of-character I’m gonna be pleased with it.... you’re dead wrong. I’m actually just... a very kind and nice person. I may just gently offer you some suggestions or corrections. But if you repeatedly come with your assumptions &  pre-conceived notions and it’s clear you’re not paying literally any attention to me or my ideas about my portrayal...  I’ll probably just recommend you to another duplicate. I know one who stole a ton of my content & former friends, so you’ll be in good hands. 

If you’re here, I assume that you want to write with me, not the idea of me. I’m a person with feelings & interests too, y’know ?? I feel like somehow that’s easy to forget with me for some reason, given how often people feel inclined to overstep my boundaries & act so disrespectful to me. Which is... fucking wild, honestly !! I’ve even had a person deadass say to my face “ I didn’t think/know you’d want to be treated with appreciation and respect. ” What the actual fuck does that mean? What kind of dominant abuser mentality ??????? Y’all on this site stress me out!!

The last two weeks have been legit stupid stressful on me, and I’ve had some interpersonal changes with folks in the last month (mainly in private) all regarding these subjects. About people here feeling entitled to be rude to me & finding all sorts of justifications for it (I’ve heard everything from “my grandma was sick” to “work’s hard”-- what’s that gotta do with you curb stomping me & my ideas/feelings, and telling me my emotions aren’t relevant in comparison to yours? It doesn’t). And it’s just been weighing down on me a lot. I don’t usually go on main here to discuss issues like this, but because it’s been OVERWHELMING in the last few weeks (and also, bc being nice to everyone is kinda common sense ? and idk why folks here seem to think I’m excluded from the ‘everyone’???), it just seemed like now, while I’m isolating a bit in an attempt to focus on some self-healing, would be a great time to discuss things.

I know this was a long post... but there’s been a lot of injustices done to me on here & in life, so....... if it burdens you to read all this, imagine how shitty it feels to have to experience it. Yeah. It’s rough, pals.

I don’t know how to really end this post godhsaohof. I’m hoping this will kind of open someone’s eyes & like... maybe things will change. I’ve stated before, but I have chronic illness so I really can’t handle stress or, for lack of a better term, a lot of bullshit tbh. If you wouldn’t say it to someone with a dying illness or cancer or a soft sweet grandma, don’t say it to me. Because that’s literally me! I’ve got an illness I’m dying from & I’ve had cancer & I’m soft and sweet! tl;dr, stop being so mean to me dang. I didn’t do anything to deserve this.

[pizzas-will-rule-the-world]

awww yeah!! how about something with davey? fluff or angst your choice :)

Thank you for the prompt and sorry I didn’t post it until now!! 

Word count: 1600 ish

Ships: None

Genre: A bit hurt/comfort I guess? Kinda

Era: Canon

Tags: Badly written accents tbh

Becoming friends with a gang of newsboys was not as simple as Davey would have thought a couple of months ago.

He hadn’t reflected on it too much in the beginning since they all had been caught up in the euphoria of winning the strike. He remembered it vividly, all of their relieved and shocked faces when they had been brought the news that they could go back to work. The cheers. The hugging. No one had left Davey out, of course not. He had been as much a part of it as any of the others. They had celebrated and laughed and cheered, and he had gone home with a soft smile on his face and looking forward to the prospect of going back to work the next morning.

But as the weeks passed he started to notice a shift in attitude. Nothing big. Casual but meaningful smirks shared by the newsies when Davey came to the circulation gate one morning. A clap on the shoulder that could have been a friendly gesture but felt a little too harsh and reminded him a little too much of getting knocked down by the police. And a lot of jokes made on his expense that he had no choice but to smile through.

“Heya Dave, joining us today?” The smile on Mush’s face was kind, but Davey couldn’t help hearing a certain bite to the words. Blink was standing beside him, fiddling with the buttons on his shirt.

“Uh, yeah,” Davey answered and glanced around the crowd of boys waiting for the morning paper. “It’s, well… Sunday, so…”

“No school?” Blink asked, and what was that look he gave Mush? Like they were having a conversation with no words needed? Something twisted in Davey’s stomach and he glanced down at his feet.

It was true he didn’t sell with the newsies every day anymore; his dad had gone back to work, so the sons of the Jacobs’ family were officially back in school. Coming back to routine and the same old faces had felt safe, but if he was being honest, kind of boring at the same time. He looked forward to the sundays spent with the newsies more and more for every week passing.

He only shrugged as an answer to Blink before Wiesel appeared and the group of boys lined up to buy their papes.

The next week it was Jack. Everything had been great so far. The weather was nice and lots of people were out and about, so by lunchtime Davey had almost got rid of all his papes. He had just leaned back against a building for a short break when Jack strolled up to him. His bag was carelessly slung over his shoulder and, not to Davey’s surprise, empty.

“You good?” Jack asked and stopped next to him.

Davey hummed and closed his eyes. “Just resting for a minute,” The brick wall was warm against his back.

“Resting, huh?” Jack elbowed him in the ribs. “Good, people will need a break from seeing your ugly mug.” He laughed and nudged Davey again, who opened his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows.

When he finished selling his last pape a few hours later, the sun was beginning to set. October was approaching, and with it a promise of colder nights and rainy days, but for now there was still a mildness in the breeze and birds happily chirping despite the late hour. Davey started the walk back to his family’s apartment. His feet ached, and he felt the exhaustion in every bone of his body, but that was not the sole reason why he walked slow with a deeply furrowed brow. There was a twist in his stomach that he could not get rid of.

He was still a good few minutes from the lodging house, so he didn’t even realize he was crossing Duane Street until a voice caught his attention. “Oh, hiya Davey!”

He glanced up and came face to face with Crutchie. In the gloomy evening light his clothes all looked the same shade of gray, and his freckles that were usually so prominent on his face now started to fade as the sun shone less and less every day. He was still grinning, though, leaning on his crutch with one hand and carrying his bag in the other.

“Hey, Crutch,” Davey said and forced himself to smile back. “Good day?”

“Yeah,” he said and nodded. “Sold all my papes. That headline about that kidnapped gal really made it easier. You going to the lodging house?”

Davey glanced down the street and then shook his head. “I don’t think so. I’m… Uh, pretty tired.”

Crutchie raised his eyebrows. “Okay. You good?”

The rattle of a carriage made Davey jump. He was so used to the sounds of the city he sometimes tuned them out until they surprised him at the worst times. When he turned back to Crutchie, he shook his head again. “I’m fine, thank you.”

Crutchie didn’t say anything for a couple of seconds, before shrugging. “If you say so.” He turned to walk down Duane Street in the direction of the lodging house. “But if you need-”

Without knowing why, Davey suddenly moved and sized a hold of Crutchie’s shirt before he could walk away. “Wait!”

Crutchie, who hadn’t expected the pull, wobbled on the spot for a second before regaining his balance. “Damn, Davey,” he muttered and smoothed out his shirt, which was already so rumpled it didn’t make a difference. “You about to scare the living daylights outta me.”

“Sorry,” Davey said, feeling a rush of warmth shoot through his body. He made sure Crutchie was standing steadily on the ground before he let go. He chewed on his lip before continuing. “Uh, okay, I might have a problem.”

Crutchie straightened up and turned his full body towards Davey. “What’s wrong?”

Davey hesitated for a moment. “I, uh, sometimes, feel like…” The words were having trouble coming out of his mouth. It was like they got stuck somewhere between his throat and tongue. “...Like the newsies, ah… Don’t, like me?”

Crutchie stared at him in silence for a long moment before his lips quirked into a smirk. “The newsies?” he asked, an eyebrow raised so high it almost disappeared behind his fringe. “Like, the Duane Street newsies?”

“Yes.”

A laugh escaped his mouth and he shook his head in disbelief. “Who are you talking about? Who don’t like you, Dave?”

Davey felt a little taken aback by the teasing tone of voice. “Well, I… I don’t know!” he exclaimed, feeling the frustration seeping through into his voice. “You all always laugh at me, or insult me, or uh, make me feel like I’m stupid for not knowing anything about selling-”

“Hey, hey, hey,” Crutchie said and held up one hand in surrender. The smile had slipped off his face. “Davey, I didn’t mean it like that. Have anyone said anything to you?”

Davey hesitated for a second. Was he throwing his friends under the bus by telling Crutchie? Somehow, it felt like a violation of trust. Though, of course, Crutchie himself was more than aware of the unspoken rules of the newsboys. Would he have asked if he though Davey would get in trouble with the others for telling?

“Uh, it’s just…” Davey wet his lips. “Mush, and, um… Blink, they said…”

Crutchie nods slowly. “Looked at each other like they knows a secret that you ain’t?” Davey nodded numbly. “You go to school, Dave. You might actually have a future, with a good job. It’s more than you can say for many of us.” Nothing in Crutchie’s voice felt self deprecating, but Davey still glanced down at his bum leg. He caught himself and quickly looked up again. If Crutchie had noticed he didn’t say anything. “If I’m right, they’s jealous, plain and simple. Teasing you about being in school is just them hiding that.” When Davey didn’t say anything, he sighed and changed his grip on his crutch. “Look, I knows it can seem strange, but that don’t mean they don’t like you. You’ve ever seen Race and Albert talking? You can think they hate each other by the way they insult one another, but they’s best friends.”

“But-”

“Nah,” Crutchie said with lots of conviction. “They don’t hate you. Many times it’s the opposite, teasing you means they like you.”

“But why?”

He shrugged. “Why not? It’s all for fun.”

Davey put his hands into his pockets. “I know I’m not like the others, and I know that might make the others treat me differently…”

Crutchie quirked his head to the side. “Like I said, maybe that’s a part of it. Maybe it’s because you have a family. And you’re smart, and you go to school. It’s easier to tease people who they’s jealous of,” He glanced behind Davey, down the street. “Or maybe it ain’t got nothing to do with you at all.”

Davey felt a little taken aback. “You… You think so?”

Crutchie grinned. “I’m just sayin’, don’t worry about it. Look, I gotta go before curfew.” He clapped Davey’s shoulder and started hobbling past. “See ya next sunday,” he called out and then disappeared in the dark.

Davey stared after him for a moment, before turning and starting to walk home.  Maybe Crutchie had been right, after all. Maybe it was all in his head. He continued through the city, walking past houses and streets on his way home. The money he had earned that day was clinking happily in his pocket. After a few minutes a small smile spread across his face, and the knot in his stomach loosened slightly.

TAGLIST

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[xxkaibutsukoxx]

I think this is a vent, so please skip if you don't wanna deal with long, self-indulgent post, you deserves so much better.

I think I'm having an art burn-out and I'm almost at the point giving up.

What caused for this? Could be anything really, could be because I do art and draw for projects in university, could be because I moved out and is busier than ever with chores and work and too tired to do anything else, could be because I'm doubting myself seeing new and higher levels of skills from people at my age or younger than me in my class and everywhere else.

But I think it is because I'm scared that I'm not living up to the expectations and admiration from ones who looked up to me.

I've deleted an anon from a week ago, saying how my style has changed as well as my concepts and posting schedule, and though they are not yet liking what they saw, they would still support me. It sounded like someone who was genuinely wanting to continue to look up to me, even if I changed, but I was angry and scared somehow, to that anon, I'm sorry for being angry, I was scared because you were right.

I changed, my art changed, I lied about wanting to draw, I'm not happy with drawing anymore.

It was not recent that my blogs are usually focused on uploading only one type of content, a certain fandom, a certain concept, I categorize my arts on what I draw for fun and what I draw to upload, to try and build an online persona that I was happy with, so I can feel like I was important, that I mattered.

Focusing started to became restricting, and after I joined the Gorillaz fandom I set a restrictions for myself on what I can post on my Tumblr blog, eventually my Instagram, and even Twitter. I tell myself that I'm having fun, and I did, I had so many memories, good and bad but I wanted to remember all of them, I talked to so many people, including with artists and writers I looked up to, I made friends that I'm extremely grateful for. But the happiness didn't last, I was starting to get worked up over what initially pushed me to go this far.

Expectations.

I try to know what people wanted, I try to learn why they followed me and liked what I post, and it became a ruler for everything I post online. What I draw, what I post and hell even what I reblog sometimes. I have a very strict self-policy of what I thought I want on my wall, and it was what my followers want. I have a strict schedule of posting so my followers can see what I did for them, I force myself to draw even when I don't want to just to have something to post. I was consumed by social media and for a while I was fine with that, because to be honest, outside of the Internet, I didn't have much to do, I always tell myself I'm nothing if I don't draw.

For months it was like that until Inktober 2018.

2017 was the year I genuinely had fun doing Inktober, but I know I set the bar too high for myself after that, it was because I was free back then and was fueled was so many ideas I wanted to translate to paper. But I tell myself, this was what so many people followed me for, and they will expect me to repeat this in 2018, I wanted to please them, so I did. I tried to.

I moved and worked on two large commissions and started my second semester that month, but an hour or less a day on a drawing everyday, not a big deal, right? But I was wrong. If I rush it, it looks horrible, and I have to be honest, I hated almost every piece from Inktober 2018, but I posted them anyways, because I know my followers are expecting them, I need to finish this, I can't be late, I tell myself I love this, I like how this turned out, even though I know it looks patched up and soulless. 31 days and not a day I don't regret doing the challenge and I hated myself everytime my right hand shakes from drawing too much for a long period of time. I tried to meet the expectations everyone had for me.

And I feel like I failed every single one of them.

November came and I dropped into an unexpected hiatus, I didn't thought I would be taking a break, but I unconsciously did because I felt sick trying to draw, even if it was just sketching. I managed to convinced myself to have this break and try to do something else that is not drawing. But after a few days nothing worked anymore, and I got back to drawing, but even that changed, and I was so fucking sad to know that I wasn't drawing because I like drawing anymore. Nothing looks good so I finished nothing, and relapsed into not doing anything in my little till non-existing time outside of school and work except for lying around being anxious of what's happening to my online persona.

I was stressed out because I scared that I'm disappointing people by disappearing, by not answering to pms and asks, and most of all, by not drawing and posting. Disappointments will go away but that left me with what I feared the most, being forgotten.

It's pathetic of me to get this upset with online platforms and I'm so sorry if you read till this point and know this side of me. I truly only want to vent as I don't really know what to do with myself anymore, many times I have considered to just disappeared without a trace just so I can escape from this labyrinth I built for myself, but the fear of failing expectations gets me back.

I'm so pathetic and I know that, I don't blame anyone aside from me and I'm sorry if you felt like crap after reading this.

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

[goodnightkisseu]

Ong Seongwu - Us (Then)

Genre: Fluff

Parts: [Part 1] [Part 2]

Note: In celebration of Ong’s birthday, I decided to write this fluff piece based off of the picture he posted on fancafe (that made my heart do like... 1,000,000 flips >///<) This will actually be part of a two-part series, the idea being that this was the relationship at the beginning, and part 2 will be about how it’s changed. I hope that it’s enjoyable for everyone! 

And of course, a happy birthday to Ong! The one that got me into pd101 in the first place and ultimately got me back into writing. This blog wouldn’t be here without him! 

Please enjoy and feel free to let me know what you think! ^^

- goodnightkisseu’s admin <3

‘Seongwu~ I know it’s been busy, but do you have some time to meet up today? It’s been a while and I think I miss you… ><’

As he read the message again, for maybe the tenth or twentieth time, he couldn’t help the goofy smile that spread on his features. It was simple message, yet, somehow, it made him so incredibly happy. His day had been pretty dull and this little message relaying that you missed him was enough to completely flip his mood. Though he was eager to answer right away, he took a step back and contemplated what he would say to you. He’d have to tease you, of course. He wouldn’t be himself if he didn’t do that.

‘Uh, excuse you. You think you miss me? You should miss me. After al,l I am the best boyfriend in the world.’

‘Anyway, I have today off. Let me know what you want to do. I’ll meet you at your place.’

He sent both messages before he started to rummage through his giant pile of clothes in his closet, looking for something clean to wear. Since it was his day off, he could forego the stuffy business attire and go for something a little more casual, like that black sweater that you always liked to steal from him.

Though he was trying to not get too excited for his own good, he couldn’t help but smile to himself at the thought of seeing you. It had been about a week and a half since the two of you had last met up. Busy schedules on his end and deadlines on yours had kept the two of you apart for a little longer than expected. And though Seongwu did want to see you, he also didn’t want to bother you. He gave you space, sending you the occasional message to make sure that you were okay. He even got you on the phone once, sometime in the middle of the week, just to make sure that you really were okay. You had told him that it was a bit difficult at the moment, but his messages and considerate actions were really helping you get through it. Though it hurt his heart to hear that you were having a bit of a hard time, he was glad that he was able to relieve some of your stress just by checking in on you.

Honestly, when Seongwu thought back on your relationship and how head over heels he was for you, it was almost surprising that the two of you were together for such a short amount of time. As of today… it had only been about three months? It was strange, and though cliché, the young man couldn’t imagine his life without you.

Truth be told, the two of you didn’t even meet in a very abnormal way. Yet, meeting you had changed him. That day, he had decided to go to the local café to get some of his work done. The office had gotten unusually loud, likely due to one of the projects coming to a close. Though that was normally fine, the sudden boom in noise at the office had made it hard to work. So Seongwu decided to seek out a more calming environment… and this café seemed like the best place to go. He had perched himself at one of the tables by the window, working away, when, during his break, you happened to catch his eye from a few tables away. He didn’t make a move initially, though he was struck by your beauty. The way that your hair cascaded and framed your face after you ran your fingers through it. The way your attire suited you perfectly, the right blend of semi-casual wear for a work day. The way that your lips curled into a smile as you talked on the phone. You were so attractive to him and Seongwu was going to leave it at that, as a chance encounter with a beautiful stranger.

Yet, something in him urged him to talk to you. As he sat there he felt like he was being drawn into you to the point where he was having a hard time focusing on his work. He decided that he wasn’t just going to leave this as a random encounter. He did want to talk to you, to get to know you. Though walking up to a complete stranger and introducing himself confidently was usually out of his normal comfort zone, he decided to push past that and try. When you ended your call, he picked up his laptop in one hand and his coffee in the other, walking over to you and asking if you wouldn’t mind sharing the table. He was kind, courteous and looking back on it, he might have even stuttered. But, from that moment on, the rest was history.

And here the two of you were, not necessarily a new couple, but still learning about each other, about your likes and dislikes. You would often talk about where you saw your lives leading you, trying to see if they matched up with where the other saw themselves in a few years’ time. You would have both deep and frivolous conversations, and though you didn’t always agree, there was one thing that you did both agree on. You came into each other’s lives at the right time. You gave each other someone that the other could depend on, and there was no way that either of you could have been happier.

After digging through about twenty shirts and eight pairs of pants, Seongwu had finally gotten changed and now found himself casually waiting outside of your apartment building, seated on one of the many benches that lined the walkway out of the building and onto the busy street. Normally he would have just headed up to your place, but when he had texted you on his way over, you had told him that you were just about ready and would meet him downstairs when you were done. He didn’t mind and took the time to check through his work messages, making sure that no one was in dire need of him. He didn’t take days off very often so in theory, nothing should have gone wrong.

Seongwu was so lost in his emails, trying to promptly write one back to his co-worker about where to find a certain set of files on the server, that he never heard the footsteps that approached him. It wasn’t until a finger gently made contact with his forehead and proceeded to push his head back that he finally snapped out of it to see who the perpetrator was. It was only then that he was met with the prettiest smile; yours. “Yah, when did you get here?” he asked, quickly moving to his feet, the height difference between the two of you more prominent now that he was standing upright.

“Not that long ago… maybe a couple of minutes? I called out to you, but you didn’t even reply,” you said a small pout forming on your lips. Ah, that hit him right in the heart. It was just too cute.

“Sorry about that. I just wanted to make sure that nothing was going on at work. I didn’t mean to ignore you, babe.”

“It’s really fine,” you said with a small giggle. “But… you seemed pretty deep in that email. I’m not pulling you away from anything, am I?” Your brow furrowed at your inquiry and he knew what you were thinking. One of your greatest concerns in the relationship was that you would be a bit of a burden to him. You knew that he was working his way up in the company, and was in a pretty prime spot to receive a promotion within the next year, so you were worried that your actions at times, could cost that for him. He always reassured you that this would never be the case, but there were definitely times like this when it came up, albeit subtler than during your deeper late night conversations.

He shook his head as he gently took your hand in his, the pair of you heading off onto the main street. “Naw, it should be fine? Everyone knows that I have today off and most have planned for it. Just a little something came up and I had to let Jaehwan know where to find some files. Thing with Jaehwan is, you have to be very specific about the instructions,” he explained, letting out a chuckle.

He watched as you hesitantly nodded, almost as if you didn’t fully believe him. “Alright… but… you’d tell me if you were busy, right? If I were pulling you away from something?” you asked, your eyes momentarily scanning his for any hint of a lie. The one thing that he knew that you had learned about him over the short duration of your relationship, was that he was a terrible liar, and you had gotten better at spotting it too.

And though he loved how considerate you were being, it could definitely be a little much at a time like now, when he had already squared everything away and the two of you were supposed to be enjoying a nice afternoon together. “Of course I would tell you if there was something pressing, but really, everything is fine today, I promise. Honestly, Jaehwan’s probably got it all sorted out by now,” he urged, lightly squeezing your hand.

“Anyway, you were the one that said that you might miss me and that you wanted to meet up. What does my love want to do today?” he asked, trying to get your mind off of the fact that you might have caused him some trouble at work. Honestly, it wasn’t all that dire. If there was a blocker, it could be handled tomorrow. His office was like that. There was no point in freaking out until it was definitely going to be a problem. Okay, maybe that wasn’t the best, but it worked for his company. “Or, did you just want to see my handsome face?”

You made a face, which only made his smile widen and caused you to roll your eyes. “I… I actually haven’t thought that far ahead yet,” you said, Seongwu quirking a brow and waiting for you to continue on with your explanation. “Fine, fine, I miss you, okay?” you admitted, making that smug smile appear on his lips. Sometimes that smug smile got on your nerves, but damn if he didn’t look handsome or cute every time he smiled though.

Seongwu leaned over, giving you a kiss on the side of your head, still chuckling and giddy. “See, that’s what I thought,” he replied. “But it’s okay… because I missed you too,” he confessed, placing another kiss in the same spot.

“Okay, okay,” you said, obviously not prepared for the onslaught of kisses, and particularly not in public. “But honestly, what are we going to do? We can’t just wander around without a destination…”

“Of course we can! I’m sure if we keep walking, we’ll find something to do eventually,” he pointed out as the two of you crossed the street. “Hey, how about we stop at the store on the corner and get a quick snack? That way if we decide to eat a little later we won’t get too hungry,” he suggested.

“You’re just saying that because you’ve been craving ice cream for the last week!” you retorted, following along as Seongwu dragged you into the familiar little store that you frequented whenever you needed a late night snack. It was just all too conveniently located for its own good.

Seongwu pretended to feign ignorance as the two of you walked around and looked for something small to eat. However, when you both passed the freezer drawers, filled to the brim with a wide assortment of ice cream, he didn’t even hesitant to pull out a chocolate covered chocolate ice cream bar. You gave him a look and he only shrugged. “I mean, I didn’t say that you were wrong.”

After your impromptu shopping trip, you left the store with ice cream and candy bar in hand as the two of you wandered down the street, deciding that you would go for a loop around the park before deciding on your next destination. You had stopped momentarily so that Seongwu could get rid of his wrapper, almost dropping the remainder of his ice cream on the ground in the process. You had long since finished your chocolate bar at this point and were walking in front of him, waiting for him to catch up with you.

However, as you watched your boyfriend, your brain started to take in the angle of the light, how it hit Seongwu in just the right ways. On instinct you reached into your pocket and pulled out your phone, bringing it up to just the right spot to capture a picture of him, just after he had turned around to face you. You were no master photographer by any means, but you knew that you couldn’t let such an opportunity disappear either.

The sound of your camera shutter snapped Seongwu out of his distress of almost dropping his chocolate treat. Did you just… did you just take a picture of him? “Babe, what did you just do?” he asked, his long strides bringing him to your side in a matter of seconds.

“Nothing,” you replied simply, trying to hide your phone behind your back. You loved taking candid pictures of Seongwu. Though he didn’t believe it, his looks absolutely shined in candid moments like that. And each time you took a picture of him, as cheesy as it sounded, you felt like you fell for him more with each one.

“I know you took a picture. Let me take a look at it. I want to make sure I look okay,” he said, trying to grab for your phone with his free hand, but ultimately missing and almost tripping as you moved away from him.

“Seongwu, I don’t even know why you’re so worried. You always look handsome,” you told him, though it didn’t stop him from trying to reach for it again, each swipe of his hand bringing him closer and closer to you, his strides extending to quickly close the distance between the two of you each time you moved away. You were about to turn tail and run when an arm wrapped itself around your waist, pulling you promptly against the individual behind you. Well, shit.

“Nowlemmeseethephone,” he mumbled with the ice cream bar between his lips, freeing up his other hand to grab your phone. He managed to take it from you and you stopped struggling, knowing that he had won your little game. He always won though, and you should have been angrier… but you were used to it. Instead you reached up and took his ice cream from between his lips, taking a bite of it yourself.

Seongwu worked to unlock your phone, putting in his birthday to do so, going straight to your pictures to see exactly what candid shot you had caught of him. If he were going to be honest… you were right. It was a pretty good picture. You really had a knack for this. “I guess it doesn’t look that bad…” he admitted slowly, knowing that he made a bigger deal out of it than he should have.

“I told you that you look fine,” you replied, Seongwu pouting when he realized that you had eaten most of the remainder of his ice cream.

“Hey, that was mine!”

“And you could have eaten the rest of it if you weren’t trying to see what you looked like,” you shot back, but instantly felt him pulling you closer.

“I won anyway…” he told you, gently whispering in your ear as he held you.

“And how so?” you asked, trying to pretend that his proximity to you wasn’t making your heart beat at a mile a minute.

“Because I got to hold you properly,” he said back, wrapping you a little tighter in his arms as he placed another kiss on the side of your head. You stayed in his hold for a bit, enjoying the fact that you finally got to be so close to him again, being able to just enjoy his presence, something that you hadn’t been able to do in so long. As head over heels as he was for you, you were equally so for him. When you finally decided that this was enough affection for the time being, you gently broke yourself from his hold and clung to his arm instead, as the two of you wandered around the park, looking for your next destination together…

[joshmspicer]

lets get personal.

Nabbed from @pantherdaemon​ and somehow missed last week

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most? “One Foot”, “Voicemail Freestyle Mike Wiebe”, “A Walk Down the Trail” (though it’s been a bit), “First Time”, “It Ends Tonight”, and “Survival”

2: If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? @pantherdaemon​ It’s about time bro

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. “WWE maintained little interest in scouting, much less signing, Japanese or Mexican talent, widely considered the second and third points of the wrestling world’s triangle.”

4: What do you think about most? “So at what point...?”

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say? “Stopping for tear”

6: Do you sleep with or without clothes on? I gots pants

7: What’s your strangest talent? I can curve my tongue?

8: Girls… (finish the sentence); Boys… (finish the sentence) Girls deserve the fucking world but can go too far. Boys can be rude without knowing they are but can also be endearing.

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you? Not to my knowledge.

10: When is the last time you played the air guitar? A few moments ago when I was listening to “Undisputed”

11: Do you have any strange phobias? Not a fan of little bugs

12: Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Yes

13: What’s your religion? Agnostic Lutheran

14: If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Going to my car or walking into somewhere

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? In front

16: Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Breaking Benjamin, easy

17: What was the last lie you told? “I’m sick as a dog, can’t make it into class.”

18: Do you believe in karma? A form of it, yes

19: What does your URL mean? It’s my old OC from my Xiaolin Showdown days, Jack Spicer’s brother. Brought it with me during the brony days as my alias and it kind of became more than I ever though it would be.

20: What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? Weakness is my need to please everybody. Strength is my ability to listen to everybody and offer advice even if I’ve never personally been in that situation.

21: Who is your celebrity crush? Emily Blunt

22: Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Yes

23: How do you vent your anger? Either my listening to Linkin Park or venting in a text post

24: Do you have a collection of anything? Magazines, video game or animated posters, pictures, and t-shirts

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? Phone, never done the latter

26: Are you happy with the person you’ve become? I’m just happy I’m not completely like my dad.

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? I loathe that one stupid fucking bird from Iowa that always does that same rhythm all damn day. I love an animal chirping that isn’t a bird.

28: What’s your biggest “what if”? “What if you stayed in Minneapolis after Dad died?”

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Yes and yes

30: Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. A pen and a water bottle

31: Smell the air. What do you smell? My usual media room. I’m used to it so it smells like normalty

32: What’s the worst place you have ever been to? High School Homecoming

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast? East

34: Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Sydney Sierota

35: To you, what is the meaning of life? Living and breathing in an attempt to survive.

36: Define Art. Creative outlet through various forms with an intent to tell a narrative, vent emotion, or for personal entertainment.

37: Do you believe in luck? Yes

38: What’s the weather like right now? Dark, clear, cold

39: What time is it? 10:47 PM mountain time

40: Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Yes, YES

41: What was the last book you read? How WWE Should Have Booked The Book Vol. 1

42: Do you like the smell of gasoline? Yes

43: Do you have any nicknames? Toad, Toadman, Spicer

44: What was the last film you saw? Bad Times at El Royale

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? Worst pain at the time was a broken pinky. Worst pain over time was a fucked up shoulder that any movement caused it to just drive me into agony.

46: Have you ever caught a butterfly? No

47: Do you have any obsessions right now? Probably

48: What’s your sexual orientation? Rather not put a label on that right now

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you? Yes

50: Do you believe in magic? Yes

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Don’t forgive so easily, much harder to gain back trust

52: What is your astrological sign? Cancer

53: Do you save money or spend it? Spend

54: What’s the last thing you purchased? Technically it would be Patreon

55: Love or lust? Lust

56: In a relationship? Nope

57: How many relationships have you had? None

58: Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Nope

59: Where were you yesterday? At home

60: Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? Yeah the envelope that came right My First Girlfriend is a Gal

61: Are you wearing socks right now? Nah

62: What’s your favourite animal? CAT

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? God I could not tell you

64: Where is your best friend? Probably at home or asleep in the Canadian wilderness of the BC

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr. I am not going to do that. Not sorry.

66: What is your heritage? A whole bunch of European countries. My dad’s side is known to be varied and my mom’s side is the same, but I’d assume mostly Germanic

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM? Reading fics in my bed

68: What do you think is Satan’s last name? Murphy

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? Of fucking course

70: Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? Yes

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? Save the fucking dog. If I’m that deep in my job that one more tardiness means I’m done than it’s not worth it. Plus, I can explain to them and my future jobs why I was late. I feel like people would understand.

72: You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? A. Yes B. If I can, travel places, see all the people I haven’t see in a while or at all, and actually finish things I haven’t ever finished. C. Of course

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love. Trust

74: What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Fuck me for it but “"Crepuscularity” but it’s a sad kind of happy

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? Nice

76: In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Trust and the ability to talk to each other about anything and especially when it’s about that trust or about things that are hurting the other person

77: How can I win your heart? Show genuine interest in me and what I like.

78: Can insanity bring on more creativity? Yes

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? Oh god. Um...submitting that audition for “This is Why I Clop”. I wouldn’t know any of my online friends if it wasn’t for that.

80: What size shoes do you wear? 11 1/2

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone? “RIP: This is empty because there’s no body in it, so feel free to go ham.”

82: What is your favourite word? Fuck

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. Alone

84: What is a saying you say a lot? “To be quite honest”, “everyone and their mother”, “to be fair”

85: What’s the last song you listened to? “POP/STARS”

86: Basic question; what’s your favourite colour/colours? Red/orange

87: What is your current desktop picture? Still the ME 2 collage

88: If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? I can’t answer that

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? What’s the one kink you hate liking?

90: One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren’t really doing anything, they’re just standing around your bed. What do you do? Ask if they can talk. If they can’t and are just looming, try to get back to sleep.

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Control time

92: You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? Oh this is a good question. That last 30 minutes of the Jan. 2012 BronyCon where I modded the stream and heard “You Only Got One Life to Live”

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? Goodbye that sexual assault in the common room

94: You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? Always music huh? I’m gonna say Cher

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Los Angeles

96: Do you have any relatives in jail? Probably

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car? Nah

98: Ever been on a plane? Yep

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? It’s...it’s not easy anymore. And I know I make a lot of mistakes and whine a lot and am in no position to hate who I am or what I’ve done and I know that I don’t deserve everything I’ve gotten, but...it’s hard to want to live life and enjoy little things when you’ve been told that you’re great at a lot of things and end up never getting there because you didn’t put enough work in or you weren’t lucky enough to get it. And then you’ve got this great big old dream looming over you that you can escape in because it’s so much to imagine what it would be like. But you know that deep down you’ll end up back home working at Menards and ending up just like your father. Well guess what? If I’ll never be shit, duck? Than I’d least like to fucking know if I ever had a chance in the first place.

[girlwithlove7]

IT’S OFFICIAL!

Pairing :  MIN YOONGI X READER 

Genre : FLUFF, ANGST, BOSS A/U

Word Count : 2545

Exiting the elevator, you scramble through the moving crowd towards your department. Though you were running just two minutes late, you were sure your boss is going to make a good big deal out of it.

The Click-clack sound of your three inch stilettoes reverberated through the deserted corridor as you scurried through the huge glass door and into your cubicle. Collecting your laptop from your work desk you noted that the entire office was almost empty which meant only one thing. Today is once again a lucky day for your ass of a boss Min Yoongi to have a go at you.

You worked on the editorial team of ‘THE FAME’ one of the best-selling magazines.

Adjusting your obsidian suit one last time you held on the cool metal knob of the conference room, inhaling few deep breaths you took confident steps inside with an apologetic smile on your face.

“I am extremely sorry for the delay.” You bow once and make your way in the direction of your seat which was right opposite to Min Yoongi’s. But when you placed your laptop on your desk and looked up, you find him standing near the huge glass window watching the gigantic blue canvas outside. Without glancing in your direction, he comes back and settle in his seat. While you were still standing, surprised that he didn’t make a comment on your late arrival. But perhaps you thought a bit too quick.

“Clearly the word ‘punctual’ doesn’t exist in your dictionary, right, Ms._______?”

On meeting your eyes, an evil sneer played around the corners of his lips as he saw the redness blooming in your cheeks.

“How Unprofessional for an Art Director of such a reputable magazine…”

The usage and emphasis on the word Unprofessional stung. Your jaw rooted while your eyes were focused right at your boss’s amused ones. Why he behaved with you this way was still a mystery to you. Even though you sat on such a high post, he still treated you as an amateur intern. Sometimes you pondered if he bothered you just for his pleasure because somehow, he loved to test your patience, so much that there are times when you were just on the verge of breaking but had to compose yourself.

You breath out slowly through your nose, trying very hard to not show your annoyance and let the asshole win the satisfaction and in doing so your eyes met with your colleague/best friend Kim Namjoon. The moment his soft eyes met yours, routinely your shoulders relaxed, and you smiled unconsciously.

Min Yoongi was relishing in his own bubble of fun as he saw those soft cheeks of yours glow red due to annoyance, but it burst in thin air as his eyes landed on Namjoon, smiling up at you. Yoongi’s expression hardened as you smiled back at him, evidently relaxing. He sat a bit straighter in his seat, speaking exasperatedly, “I don’t have all day, Ms.________.”

You looked up at your boss as your name fell bitterly from his lips and cleared your throat. Looking straight in his eyes you began, “I am sorry for walking in two minutes late…” you patted your back in your head as you saw his lips twitch at your confidence but then you looked around at others and continued “…but let’s begin ladies and gentlemen…”

The meeting was smooth but crucial. Apart from discussing last month’s sale, you had to discuss about the upcoming editorial and how to increase the sale from the previous one. But these were general topic of your conference which happened every once in three months. But something more important was to be conversed, Christmas was just around the weekend and your company is known for throwing the most sensational gettogethers. Since it involves all the top-class yet scandalous personalities, it was always anticipated by one and all.

Suggestions bounced around in the air as everybody came up with their own ideas for the party. Topics varied from the venue to cuisine to the list of guests and so on and so forth but all the while you could feel Yoongi’s eyes on you, and you could swear this was not the first time. It sure made you uncomfortable, as if he was trying to figure out a flaw even in your respiration. As usual whenever you came up with a suggestion Yoongi would dismiss it saying, “it’s too cliché” or “we have done that before” which did nothing to calm you but rather pushed you towards the edge. Another hour, but the meeting finally came to an end. Giving his last instructions Yoongi walked towards the door. And as soon as the door closed behind him you could practically hear everybody heave a sigh. Slamming your laptop, you look at Namjoon who was already staring at you. “COFFEE!” you both giggled as you exclaimed together and left for the cafeteria.

You slammed the light Styrofoam coffee cup on the table, few globules dribbling its way down burning your own fingers while sure to leave coffee stain on the huge table.

“Ah! Why lord? What have I done to deserve this!” you grumbled wiping your fingers with a Kleenex. Namjoon and Hee Ji, another of your colleague/friend sat opposite to you admiring their whining friend. They knew very well that this was the repercussion of every interaction you had with Yoongi.

After exiting the conference hall, you had halted in your cubicle to leave your bag and laptop while Namjoon stood near the door talking about the upcoming schedules. You were just in the process of jotting down an important task on your yellow post it when Ha Ri, Yoongi’s secretary entered your cubicle.

“Mr. Min wants to see you.” She had entered impromptu and left without even getting an answer from you. You had derived this long back, that no matter how many years you spend working with Yoongi and his secretary, you will never be able to know why they treated you so bitterly.

You narrated the entire conversation with Yoongi to your friends while they simply kept on munching on their brunch.

“Have you got the article ready for the blog?” Yoongi questioned without even lifting his eyes from his laptop.

“Yes, just a final touch is remaining.” You replied with pride since you had worked for three days and night continuously, sacrificing your precious sleep and which was one of the reasons why you were late today.

“Good.” he looked up at you. “Scrape it out, we don’t need it anymore.”

“It took me three days to complete that…and he just dumped it…just because his precious Ha Ri suggested that they make a vlog instead of a blog…!” you exclaimed through your gritted teeth.

“________...” Namjoon began but you cut him off.

“And that’s not it! He has the audacity to label me as old-school. Me! Old-school! Can you freaking believe it!

Both your friends were quiet, listening to all your pent-up frustration.

“Do you know how long I have been working in this company?” you questioned as you banged your fist on the table.

Hee Ji sipped her coffee and looked up ready to reply but once again you interrupted her.

“That’s right! Five years! Five freaking years I slogged in this company and yet that perverted jerk thinks that I’M an unprofessional, old-school amateur!”

You kept on spilling indecent remarks about Yoongi but that was not the matter of concern right now for both your friends who sat right opposite you. They gaped behind you with wide eyes, because right behind you stood their Editor in Chief, Min Yoongi.

His black framed reading glasses was resting on the bridge of his nose, perfectly complimenting his mint blue hair. In one hand, he held a tall coffee mug while the other was tugged in his knee length pea coat. His eyes were fixed on you while he sipped his coffee with an unresponsive face.

“Ah, _______ -“ It was once again Namjoon but you just kept on mumbling absent-mindedly.

“No! just because he is the Editor in Chief doesn’t give him the right to treat me or anybody else that way. I am telling you he is just another rich, spoiled brat…if…”

You well-nigh jumped out of your skin when both your listeners yelled your name in unison.

“What the hell is wrong with you people?!” when none of them answered you simply follow their gazes which was fixed on something behind you.

“SHIT!” was all that you could manage as you faltered out of your seat and faced Yoongi.

Yoongi’s gaze felt like daggers, and when you did meet his eyes, you didn’t know how or why, but your heart skipped a beat. He took slow steps in your way. The silence was intense in the entire lunchroom as every eye was fastened on the two of you. You kept your eyes on the ground because you were mindful that this time it was your own deed. You watched his feet clad in polished pointed-toe leather shoes take careful steps across the glossy tile.

When he was just a foot away, you looked up and felt as if you were being chased by a slinking panther. His impassive eyes boring into your very soul. Somehow, you were prepared for the explosion and, so you held his gaze, but when he cleared his throat and voiced your name your eyes instantly fell on his mouth. His lips were a pale pink. The top lip was thinner, but not too thin, and it had a natural cupid's bow; the bottom one was larger and plusher. They reminded you of a small doll’s lips which was totally bizarre compared to his personality.

“Would you like to have some coffee with me, Mrs. _______.?”

Your eyes enlarge as you attempted to grasp his words. “W-what?”

“Good. I’ll see you in my cabin in five.” Affirming crudely, he treaded sideways as he brushed your shoulder making his way out of the lunchroom.

You just stood there gaping at the unfilled space which was occupied by Yoongi just a breath ago. Did he just ask you for a coffee? Even though he did, deep down alarm of danger was blaring. You turn around to face your two colleagues, not very amazed to find their dumfounded expressions.

You groaned loudly making your way towards your seat, ready to slump down but halting halfway when Namjoon spoke, “You better not keep him waiting. Also, don’t forget his coffee.” He said as he pointed towards the tall navy ceramic mug which Yoongi left on the table behind you.

You gave a dull laugh, “Why would I-“ you stopped when you saw Namjoon’s eyebrows shoot high under his hairline. A slow snarl building in your chest as you picked up Yoongi’s mug to fill it with some freshly brewed coffee.

Filling his mug to the brim, you turned around and walked towards your friends. Placing the mug on the table you run a hand through your hair, breathed out a few times and then started towards Yoongi’s cabin.

Both your friends gestured a fist as they whispered, “Good luck.”

“As if that’s going to help…” you answered as you left the lunchroom.

Your heart hammered against your chest when you heard the curt, “Come in.”

As soon as you placed the cup down you gibbered, “Mr. Min, I can explain.”

He just sat there with his left hand tucked under his jaw, his fore-finger erect on his cheek while the other three fingers were placed above his lips. With legs spread wide as the right hand was loosely resting on his thigh. He looked like a powerful man.

Damn! He is a powerful man. You made a mental note to yourself that no matter how profoundly you detested this powerful man you must be watchful with your words, particularly in this building.

When there was a lack of response from his side, you simply continued, “It’s just that…I worked really hard on the article.”

“So?” he prompted.

Observing his blank appearance, you let out a lungful. “So…nothing...” did you think that he will understand when you give this reason? Foolish. He would never understand you.

“I, will gladly except the punishment…”

He smirked. “Punishment?” you felt uncomfortable when you saw the similar wicked spark in his eyes, the one he has when he is about to give you additional work.

He beamed putting his gummy smile on show. “No, punishments. Do you think I am that evil?”

No punishments, but you were sure that he is going to give you some added work to slog. You waited for him to speak again.

“After looking at your enthusiasm I have decided that we will do the blog.”

Something was abnormal. Was Min Yoongi supporting you? Whatever it was you felt stated as your hard work was paying off.

You bowed once. “Thanks Mr. Min. I’ll complete the article quickly and e-mail it to you today itself.” You bowed once again and turned on your heels ready to leave.

But today, Satan was himself keeping an eye on your happiness.

“Ms.________” you turned to look at him and Yoongi got up from his leather chair. His hands slipped in his pockets. He spoke as he moved towards you, “We still don’t need that article.”

You stared at him bewilderingly. “T-than?”

He stood right in front of you once again. “I selected a new topic for the article. I have e-mailed it to you.”

You kept on looking at him as his lips stretched into a wide smile.

Freaking bastard! Your inner self screamed, but you stopped yourself from screaming on his face.

“I want the report by tomorrow evening.”

“How is that possible!?” his unresponsiveness was getting on your nerves. “But Yoon- I mean Mr. Min…at least give me two days…” you tried.

“I don’t think you are in a position to negotiate.”

“But…” you were cut short when he leaned towards you. You took a step behind, but the desk blocked you. Having no choice but to look up at him, you inhaled the scent of orange blossoms and vibrant woods that was strong and manly. You found yourself drowning in the smell, liking it against your wishes.

“No but’s Ms. _________. What was that…?” he pretended to think and then continued, “…perverted jerk…spoiled brat…” he smirked as he inched closer while your eyes were fixed on his soft lips and the way a little pout appeared every time he spoke. “Since you think I am a ‘Perverted jerk’ let me act like one for you…” he tilted his head and inched yet closer and you could swear that this time you felt his hot breath ghosting your lips. Shutting your eyes with knotted eyebrows, you stood there waiting for… you don’t even know what you were expecting. Was he going to…?

But after a heartbeat you felt him stepping away. Indeed, he had stepped away holding his phone up. when he saw the dazed look in your eyes he merely smirked and concluded, “Stop day-dreaming and get to work Ms. _______.”

And with that he left you standing there by yourself with a thumping heart and an undefinable feeling.

[dustiesmasseffect]

You used to be realy active and nice and freindly, and now it seems like you only reblog art and talk to your blogger freinds who you write MEL with. You ignor asks and you ignor fandom memes. What happened to suporting smaller bloggers? What hapened to you? Its like you got populer and just forgot about your old friends.

Hi Anon-

TBH, this message took me by surprise.

Let me try and unpack your Ask a bit because I feel likeperhaps I hurt feelings or did something wrong unintentionally. I also could gointo all the things happening in my life on the other side of this screen, butyou don’t need a bio (and I don’t think I should have to write one either).

First of all, I will say that I did actually make a postback in October about stepping back from the blog. This was a purposefuldecision of mine because I was spending a lot of my days in front of mycomputer during work, after work, andon the weekends scheduling and tagging posts. I was putting up 4 posts an hourfor 24 hours at the time, meaning I was tagging and scheduling nearly 100posts/day. I did this for several MONTHS. My social life took a dive, mysleeping schedule took a dive, and I wasn’t doing anything but running theblog. I call(ed) DME my “second job” when I talked about it with myfriends. That’s how much time I was spending on it.

Until about 2-3 weeks ago, I had cut the schedule back to 2posts/hour with a small queue running for a few hours during the middle of thenight. That’s still a lot of work for me, but it allowed me some personalpursuits off of the computer which is what I need to recharge.

With the new Andromeda trailers dropping more frequently andfandom content going into overdrive, I’ve had to up my posting schedule againto even try and keep up. Even when I’m “on top” of things I find I’mstill behind and I’m not catching up.

This breaks my heart because I feel like I’m letting peopledown. I am only one person though, so it’s important that it’s understood thatI’m doing the best that I can.

As for only reblogging art, I am sad to say that this istrue and I feel HUGELY guilty about it. The main reason why this happens isthat I want to read every piece of fiction I post and reading a story takes alot longer than looking at a work of fan art. I honestly have about 200 storiesfrom the fandom in my drafts that I want to read before I post. It’s horribleand rude and terrible of me. I can’t read it all like I want, I haven’t readANYTHING for fun in months, actually, because I’m too tired to when I finallyget to bed. It’s an excuse, yes, but it’s the truth.

I try to talk to everyone that messages me. Sometimes I’mable to reply right away and other times it can take me a week or two (ormore!) to answer. I’ve never been the best at conversations, even though I ambetter at written ones than verbal ones. (I am also terrible with replies because they take me forever to do.)

As for only talking to @omegastation and other MEL folks,that’s blatantly untrue and I’m not really sure where that assumption camefrom. I am sorry if it appears that way, but it’s definitely not the case. Yes,we talk, but those discussions of late are incredibly short and MEL business related andless of fun, “Hey what’s up and how are you doing?” convos.

In regards to Asks and memes, I actually try to answer asmany asks as I can and I often answer privately because that’s what’s warrantedby the message I’m sent. As for other Asks, I put a lot of time and thoughtinto them and they can take me quite a while to answer. However, because ofyour message, I’ve tried to go through as many of them as I can because it wasa task I had been neglecting. There are a couple of them that I will take sometime to answer still, but for the most part, I hope I’ve caught up.

Memes are also something that take me awhile to do. HonestlyI love(d) doing them for quite a while, but I became overburdened with themquickly. I also stopped getting emails from Tumblr over a year ago, so I onlysee posts I’m tagged in if I happen to see the tag in my notifications.Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t. Getting tagged in something is an honor andI am really happy that people think of me when they do them. 

It’s incrediblydifficult for me to do memes though because I want to do them right and notfast. I also get stressed and anxious about tagging other bloggers and doingchain messages because I always feel like I’m leaving people out and I don’twant others to have hurt feelings by not getting a message/tag. It’s a funpractice, but it can also cause hurt unintentionally. I kinda unofficiallystopped doing them for this reason. I want to tag EVERYONE, but I can’t, so Ijust don’t do them.

I support everyone and try to do so fairly. I’ve spent mostof my time in the tag now for the better part of a month, reblogging as much asI can. I know I’m missing posts but that’s basically because there is SO MUCHNEW CONTENT I cannot keep up. I try to reblog and showcase as many differentpeople and blogs as I can, but with the sheer amount of stuff going aroundright now, I am bound to miss some. I have considered opening my submissions tohelp with this, but in all honesty I prefer to reblog.

I haven’t forgotten about anyone. In reality this franchisehas a huge fan base and our “little” community that existed sixmonths ago has grown again as people have started coming back to Mass Effect asAndromeda approaches. Mass Effect 3 sold over 3.5 million copies on its own in itsFIRST MONTH OF RELEASE, which means that there are a TON of fans out there.Some of the fans weren’t as vocal until the Andromeda hype machines startedfull blast, but they’re back and excited now, and I’m happy that everyone ishere.

The thing is that now the community feels bigger and lesscohesive than it did last year. It’s not really, but it FEELS that way andthere’s so much content being produced daily that folks like me, who want toget as much Mass Effect in one spot, are having a hard time collating andorganizing it all. I physically can’t keep up, even if I spend all my wakinghours doing it.

Yes, I realize that perhaps my break seemed like I wasturning my back on the community and that’s definitely not the case. I had to step back for me and my mentalhealth. I miss the community and the friends I have here for sure. I misswriting! I miss talking to people about their Sheps. I miss lots of aspects ofTumblr that I was more active in 6 months ago. But I could not and cannot keepup with it all without it being detrimental to my life outside of the computerscreen.

I’m trying. I really am. I am sorry if I somehow missed apost of yours and didn’t reblog it. I’m sorry if there are mutuals who feelthat I’ve not boosted them enough. I’m sorry if I’ve left IM messagesunanswered. To be honest, I hardly feel “popular” and I kind of feelthe most hurt about that remark more than anything.

My goal has always been to make this blog a nice place forpeople to appreciate a game franchise they love and I hope I’m still doingthat, even if I’ve been unable to be directly in the thick of things for awhile now.

This is already much longer than I intended (or than itshould be) but clearly this is a topic that should be addressed.

I can only apologize for my extended “satellite” absence and ask for theunderstanding as to why I needed to and continue to do it.

Sincerely,Marina, AKA Dustie

[rayzell]

An Open Letter to the Man That Broke My Heart

I’ve put a lot of thought into just writing this and leaving it locked away on some obscure blog where I happen to just vent there and leave every other thought I don’t post on social media, there, but I have made the decision to post this, and I am sure some will disagree with me posting it, but that isn’t what is important to me.

I don’t know what to say first. But what I will say first, and what I know ultimately, is that I loved you with everything I had. And the worst part is, I still did, even when I knew that you didn’t love me. You never even said that you did.

I remember the days where we just met, and we were just friends, and you would just randomly send me memes via Facebook and Snapchat, and I would sometimes send one back, or sometimes would just leave you on read. And to be completely honest with you, I wish that I had just continued to leave you on read and never gave you a chance.

When we first began “talking”, I really enjoyed your company. I really felt as if we had a lot in common. We both played Yugioh, we both enjoyed the same music and had similar interest in other medias. I mean, the first message you ever sent me was one asking about which member of $UICIDEBOY$ was my favorite. The Friday night at nats, I came into town late, but you decided to come to my hotel to come and see me and stayed for at least a few hours, just to chat with me and others. You even spent my birthday celebration with me. You went completely out of your way to show that you cared and that you were interested in making me happy.

After that event, we talked more and more, and we both admitted to each other that we liked each other. Even at nats, you told one of my friends that you were willing to see where things went even though you had never done long distance before.

I would say that things were very good at first. I mean, there were times where I felt that you were acting sketchy. You would leave me on read for hours sometimes, or you just would send messages that indicated you hardly cared.

I remember when I would always tell you how I felt about you, sometimes I would even pour my heart out to you about how happy you made me. And you know what you gave me in return? Usually just a heart emoji. That’s it. And when I would question why I never really got anything of the same value back, you would just claim that you weren’t good with words, and promised that you would be better in person.

I remember how I was always the only one ever asking to have phone calls with each other. I always asked. You never did, not even once. And I wondered why. I even asked if it was that you didn’t want to, and you would say that you did want to. Even when you would say you would call me around a certain time when you weren’t busy, you would almost always “forget”, unless I messaged you reminding you. Even then, sometimes when I would message you or even call you myself you would “fall asleep” and never answer me.

I remember that night that you told me that you would never do anything to hurt me. When you told me that you wanted to make me happy. That was the first and only time you had said anything of substantial meaning to me. But the worst part is, you didn’t mean any of it.

Near the end of August, I reconnected with a friend that I had previously had a falling out with, that was friends with you as well. By complete accident, this person found out about us being together. However, he had warned me about you. He told me that he didn’t think you were a good guy, and that you were known for bragging about how easy it was to fuck girls and how you would brag about your lays in a group chat often. On top of that, he had told me that he had never known you to be in a relationship the entire time he had known you. Which was a huge red flag. I brought up everything he had said about you, and you would just tell me that he was just trying to make you look bad and was trying to steal me away from you.

On top of that, friend 1 had also been pressuring you to fess up and admit to him that you and I were together. He would ask you if you were dating anyone, and you know what you would tell him? You would tell him that you were single.

Also, friend 1 and I had a past romantic history together. He had told me that back when that had happened over a year ago, that you would use to make fun of him for being involved with me. You didn’t even know me, yet you would cast judgment on him for having relations with someone you didn’t know, and it is simply because you wanted to fit in, and join in on hating me like everyone else did.

I remember early September when I started seeing that one girl around. At first, I was jealous that you liked her pictures and not mine. And it stood out to me because you didn’t like any other girl’s pictures that you were friends with. It made me upset because I felt that she was getting special attention from you that I wasn’t getting. When I asked about her, you merely told me that she was just a girl that your friend was hooking up with. I believed you at the time, because I had thought that you would never lie to me.

As time passed she kept more and more frequently liking your posts and pictures. Now, to me, the way I see it, if someone of the opposite gender is continuously liking your pictures and posts, it is normally perceived as flirting. The reason I say this is because I have been guilty of this behavior before, and my exes and other men that have had interest in me have all once done the same thing to get my attention. I kept feeling more and more worried about her, and with my past history of being lied to and cheated on before, I couldn’t help but ask about her yet again. You once again reassured me that she was just a friend, and that the two of you only talked to each other was when you were making small talk at your friend’s (who she was supposedly hooking up with) house.

On top of that, I checked her profile several times, and noticed that there were a couple of posts that she had tagged you in. However, they only appeared on her timeline, and not yours. Which is weird to me, because any other time someone would tag you in a post, it always appeared on your timeline. Except these ones. So, the only thing I can think is that you had deliberately hid the posts she tagged you in from your timeline. You were hiding them from me. Why?

I remember when you planned for our trip to Denver, starting in August. We had it planned for mid October. We both seemed like we were both very excited to go on that trip together. I spent about a grand on this trip. However, the money didn’t mean much to me if it meant that I got to spend an entire weekend with you.

Then, a week before the trip was to occur, we had a fight and you broke up with me. I remember as you left me, you said “I’m sorry I can’t give you the love and attention you need…..maybe Friend 1 can…” and honestly it hurt more than anything for you to say that because you were the only one I wanted to be with, and the only one I had any desire for.

During the breakup, I finally decided that I needed to know the entire truth, since the breakup made me begin to question everything about you, to you even being loyal to me. So, I messaged that one girl, and I simply nicely told her that I had been dating you for the last few months, and asked her kindly if anything had been going on between the two of you.

Her response was rather weird. She replied, “had been? are y’all still together?”. As the conversation went on, she just kept catching more of an attitude with me, and then finally told me that you two were just friends, but that you were always there for her. Which is weird, because to me, this implied that you guys talked more often than you had claimed that you two had. And it was so weird to me since you guys were such good friends as she claimed, that she didn’t know who I was or that you were even in a relationship for the matter.

We both had our flights booked and I had a hotel booked for us. I was completely devastated. Then, several days later, you decided to work things out with me and go on the trip. You told me that on the night of the breakup that you had put your flight on standby. Literally the night before my flight, you told me that you had to call the airport and ask to reschedule your flight, which, they wouldn’t let you. While I was boarding my flight and traveling all day, you claimed you were at the airport hoping to get on a flight all day while you were on standby. You just kept telling me that the one you were promised to be able to get on next, kept filling up and you were continuously being told that you would get the next. Yet, once I was at my hotel, I spent all night in my hotel waiting for you, and even bought food for you in hopes you were going to come out that night. Yet, somehow, you were unable to get on any of the flights that day.

So, the next day, you claimed to be waiting all day, again at the airport. And coincidentally enough, you were unable to get on a flight. Again. So I wasted my entire weekend waiting for someone that wasn’t going to come. Someone that just kept conveniently not being able to make it to the next state over. You said you were trying your best, but since you knew you were on standby that Friday, you didn’t even try to look into bus tickets or anything else to try and make it. You didn’t try at all.

I spent my entire weekend alone, by myself, crying in a hotel across the country, waiting for someone that wasn’t coming. The entire breakup and the whole situation with Denver, all completely broke my heart.

The next weekend after that was YCS Dallas. That Friday as I flew in, you told me that you were able to come. I was very happy to hear it, because I thought that it had meant that we could actually spend some time together, and you would try and make up for your absence the previous weekend.

Boy was I wrong. You came in late on Friday, but I had asked if you would come and see me anyways. You told me “oh, it’s really late”, and “we can just spend time together tomorrow”. I was pretty upset, but I waited for the next day. In the morning, I heard nothing from you whatsoever. You didn’t try to reach out to me or anything. So I had to message you, and later that day when I finally saw you and came up to you, I hugged you, but you didn’t return any affection toward me. Even though we hadn’t seen each other in 3 months.

Later that day, I had asked if we could have our first kiss together. We had been together for a while, so I thought that it would only be the appropriate time for us to do that. You gave me a strange look and said, “I really hate PDA, but sure”, so you had us walk roughly two blocks, completely away from any other Yugioh players, before you let me kiss you.

The whole time I tried to spend time with you at the venue, you often had your back turned toward me and paid no attention to me at all. I felt you were acting as if you didn’t even know me or wanted anyone to know that we were together. On top of that, you didn’t even display any kind of affection toward me at all at the venue.

You promised to spend time with me at the end of the day when you were done with day 1. You promised after the last round, you would be on your way to my hotel. So I waited. And waited. And waited. I messaged you again about an hour later asking if you were still coming. It turned out that you decided to go out to eat with your friends first, and didn’t tell me. You told me that you would be there after though. So again, I waited. And when I didn’t hear from you for a while again, you told me you just went to your hotel to drop some stuff off then you would be on the way. Then 10 minutes later, you tell me, “hey, I’m really tired, how about I just come over in the morning when nobody is around?”. I was very upset of course, because you had promised to spend time with me when instead you just kept blowing me off. I felt so unimportant to you. So, you decided to come over that night. For one hour. Then you left when I asked if you could stay the night with me. But you didn’t. And you promised to be over early the next morning. But you weren’t. You instead woke up late, and instead of coming to see me, went to the convention center, and blew me off, again.

I asked if you would spend time with me and go out and do something with me, but it seemed hanging out with your friends was still more important to you. The entire weekend, it seemed as if you had no interest in me or spending time with me at all. And it hurt. It hurt so fucking bad, more than you can even possibly imagine.

After Dallas, you were going under a lot of stress at work, and the more time passed, the more often you would take it out on me and on our relationship. Sure, you will claim that you didn’t, but it was clearly affecting us. You would often make smart remarks toward me and completely disregard any concerns I had, or my feelings nonetheless. You showed no affection toward me, whatsoever. I even asked about coming to visit you the next month, and you told me “I don’t think we should travel for each other right now”, and it stung when you said that. It broke me even more.

I had even asked when we could make our relationship public, and yet again, you said “I don’t know, I don’t even know if I want to do that right now”. And the more of that kind of stuff you said to me, the more it hurt. The more my heart cracked into pieces.

On top of that, one day, I was talking with Friend 1, and he told me that at Dallas, he talked to you early day 1 asking about me. He had asked if you and me were back together. And you know what he said that you told him? He said that you told him no. And once I brought that conversation up that you two had with each other, you instantly got pissed off and said “he’s just lying and twisting my words!” and “I swear he just wants some forbidden love thing with you”.

I remember one day, you were hardly talking to me. Your responses to me became less and less frequent. I had voiced my concern about it, and you told completely disregarded my feelings and said, “Fine, I’ll just set an alarm reminding me to contact you every hour”. Your smart remark made me feel hurt.

More and more time passed, and our old habits began to die. I remember whenever I would send you selfies on Snapchat, you would use to at least reply to me or send one back. But, every time I did lately, you did nothing but leave it on read. You never even commented on it or anything. You would leave my messages unanswered, but you would be posting on Facebook. At the same time, I was noticing every day your Snapchat score would go up by nearly 100 or more a day. So I knew it wasn’t that you were just too busy to reply to me. I really began to wonder who you were Snapchatting so much for it to go up that much. In my mind, I began to wonder if you had something going on with someone else..

I was on the brink of finally giving up. Then, I gave it one last shot and sent you a message, telling you how I felt about the way you had been treating me as of late. And so you decided to take it seriously and promised to make more of an effort to treat me right. So I thought that had meant you cared. Which I was wrong, again.

Another week later, was ARG St. Louis. Around that time, it seemed that things between you and I had gone back to what it was before our initial breakup before Denver. I was very happy and our 4 months had came up. I however, did have questions to ask you.

After asking those questions, you told me that we could finally become public once you were done “going through” what you were going through. You told me that you would make the effort to come and see me. Then, I had asked why that one girl didn’t know that you were in a relationship with me. You answered, “because she didn’t know me well enough to know that kind of thing about me, plus we hardly talk anymore”. Which for the most part, I believed, because she wasn’t liking all of your stuff anymore for a minute. Which is weird to me. On top of that, you claimed she didn’t know you well enough to know about you being in a relationship, but somehow knew you well enough to tag you in memes, and knew about other minor details of your life such as your job..

At the ARG event, I had gotten pretty drunk, and ended up telling people at the event about me and you being together. To my dismay, I found out that you were upset that I told people about us. Even after being together for 4 months, you were somehow upset about people knowing about us being together..for what?

A week later, you had dumped me. You told me, “I’m sorry, you’re such a good girl but I’m going through a lot right now and need to be alone. I hope you understand and won’t hate me. I still like you a lot.” The whole situation left me heart broken and confused. To me, the way you worded things, it seemed as if you were giving me hope to hold on by telling me that you had feelings for me still, and that you just wanted to be alone for the time being.

On top of that, as time passed, when I would message you saying I think you don’t care, you would just say “that isn’t true, but I think that we just need some space for the time being.”.

I remember hearing from a friend of mine telling me that a lot of other people had said that you had cheated on me, and when I brought it up with you, you got super irate and swore you never cheated, screaming it in all caps over and over again. And then, you said you were going to beat the person that told me that’s ass for saying that to me. And you also were telling me I was wrong for believing anything anyone said about you, because you said “they just want to fuck you”.

Then a couple weeks after the breakup, we had a phone call. And I asked if you wanted me to wait for you, and you told me that it would be selfish of you to ask me to wait for you. Yet I pressed again and again so you would actually answer my question. So you finally answer with “if waiting for me makes you happy, it makes me happy”. So, I decided to wait, because I thought that you were worth it. Because I loved you and wanted nothing more than to have a future with you.

However, after that when I would just hit you up on a whim to check in on you, I would tell you I miss you and all you could muster was “I know, but you’ll be ok”, or “I’m sorry you feel this way”. You would only give me the most insincere of responses. About a few more weeks passed. The more I felt you didn’t care, the more it hurt. And I would tell you that, so you eventually you finally began telling me “if it hurts you that much I think you should just move on”. Which hurt even more, because I would ask if you didn’t want a future with me if that was the case, and you refused to respond.

Finally, on Christmas Eve, I messaged you while I was drunk, and you said “I left the island”. I called you a hoe in response, even though I will admit was wrong, and you told me that it was over for good. You then blocked me. After that, I had given up any hope of us ever having a future together again. It was clear to me that you had no intentions of having a future with me, but just would never outright say it, even though that was the answer I was looking for. The whole time, I just wanted to know what you honestly wanted. And for some reason, you could never be honest.

From the way I perceive it given the evidence, I believe you were talking to someone closer to you, and you realized that she is what you wanted. However, you weren’t sure if it was going to work out or not. So, after breaking up with me, you kept things vague, and constantly sent me mixed signals, so that you could keep me around in case things didn’t work out for you. You didn’t want me to move on at the time, I was simply your plan B in case you couldn’t have your first choice. But, it seems as if things had been working out for you, so you knew that you didn’t need to keep me around anymore, so that is when you started telling me to move on.

After the breakup, another friend of ours, friend 2, told me that right when me and you began dating, right after nats, he had asked you if me and you were going to start dating since it seemed that I liked you a lot. And, according to him, you had told him that you had told me that you were not ready for a relationship. Which, you never said anything like that to me, ever. So, you lied to someone, again, about us being together. And the worst part is that unknown to me, you had been disrespecting our relationship from the very beginning.

I can say, above everything, I was naive, I was stupid to hold onto you for as long as I did. I just kept trusting that you had good intentions, I believed that you had felt the same about me and wanted the same future with me as I had wanted with you.

But you did not. There were so many fucking red flags, and I chose to ignore them all because I loved you.

You fed me lies for months, you lied to other people, for months. You would swear to me that you cared about me so fucking much, you would tell other people, “oh, I care about her more than she knows”. If that was even remotely true, how come you never even showed that, especially when it actually mattered!? You gave me the bare minimum, while I gave you everything I had.

You said that you just couldn’t give me the world. But the thing is, that isn’t true. The truth is that you did not want to give all of yourself to me the way I wanted to give myself to you. You didn’t want to try. You didn’t care. The reason you left me was a cover up for the real reason you left, and you continued to lie and lie to me after leaving me. You lied to others in hopes of them believing you so that I could look like the bad person.

All you ever did was lie to people about us. You cared SO MUCH about your Yugioh community/Casino cred that you went out of your way to hide our relationship. Your reputation to a bunch of people that won’t matter in your life 10 years from now, was more important to you than my feelings. Than the respect you had for our relationship. For a future with me. I would even ask you if I was embarrassing to be with, and you would tell me no. Of course, that was a complete and utter lie. I was too embarrassing for you to be seen with.

I loved you, I cared about you more than you could ever possibly fathom. I went above and beyond, just to try and make things work with you. While you didn’t even fucking try, I did so many things to show that I cared about you. I never let a single day pass to leave any room for any doubt that I had loved you.

When you would hardly give me any attention, I still loved you.

When I found out you were talking to someone else behind my back and not being truthful about it, I still loved you.

When you actively hid our relationship from people on the daily, I still loved you.

When you broke up with me despite planning a vacation with me for two months, agreeing to work things out and still not show up, leaving me alone crying across the country waiting for you, I still loved you.

When you completely blew me off and deserted me, and treated me as if I was an embarrassment to be with, I still loved you.

Even when I gave you a present for our 3 month anniversary, and a hand written letter with it, and you had absolutely no response to it, not even a thank you, I still loved you.

When you lied to me time and time again, I still loved you.

Even when I noticed the little things, such as you blatantly ignoring me, the signs that you were cheating on me, your less and less frequent responses and your attitude toward me, I still loved you.

Even though you had not even one time had told me that you loved me, I still loved you.

I loved you so fucking much, and I really don’t understand why I ever fucking did. You will never understand the heartbreak, the pain, and the utter mental anguish you have caused me. It is simply indescribable. I often cry and wonder why I deserved everything you had put me through. My heart has been shattered into a million pieces, and you have no remorse for it whatsoever. You never cared about me.

The worst part is that it does often hit me at night, but it also hits me in the middle of the day, at work. Or when I’m simply just trying to enjoy myself with a video game or I’m out with friends. I’ll randomly think of you, and my chest will ache and I’ll struggle to hold back the tears.

You have told me to go ahead and hate you. So, this medicine I have, is like an ointment. It’s my hatred, and my utter resentment toward you, and I try and slather myself with it daily. I immerse myself in my resentment towards you and believe that if I try hard enough to just hate you forever, I can finally kill the person inside of me that still loves you. And I want her to die, I wish she would die so fucking bad.

I don’t know how else I’m going to heal, but I do know that this will help me a lot. I really feel it is about time that I air out your dirty fucking laundry, and finally release the entire truth. I cannot allow any room for doubt about what has happened between you and me. I know a lot of people will believe that putting this out for everyone to see isn’t right, but I’m sorry, I’ve been silently suffering for far too long, and this is the resolve I need. This is my story and I want everyone to know the truth. I won’t let anyone silence me anymore. No matter who it is.

[brunettefromwallstreet]

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  After seeing me in so many different pink outfits lately, you must think pink is my favourite colour to wear. Well, guess what? You got this wrong. I’m not denying pink is my happy colour, that makes me feel warm and brings a smile to my face everytime I’m thinking of it. In fact, I’m smiling while right now. But when it comes to wearing a monochrome pink outfit, there is where my love for pink ends. Honestly, if it wasn’t for these stunning metallic rose gold sandals, I don’t think I could even stand all these candy colours on me. The baby pink midi pleated skirt, the peachy pink pussybow blouse, the top handle hot pink tote and for the end the Barbie pink sunglasses? Candy crush it is!

OVERLOADED WITH PINK

I already wrote about how fashionable pink is this season over here. I must admit I was still very excited about this fashion trend when I wrote about my Barbie look over here and about the peachy pink cocktail dress over here. After all, pink used to be my overall favourite colour. And my closet was filled with pink. Oh, the sweet sixteens.

Anyway, I was wearing pink safe until now, and styling it with cool flats or wear it simple with sharp, clean cuts. If anything I didn’t want to look like a little girl. Moreover, I wanted to show you how you can wear pink and still look chic and all grown up. Surely, this was easy with the right clothes and shoes. Too easy as a matter of fact.

So I decided to go step further and wear the most feminine and romantic pink clothes that I could find in my closet and tried to make this pink outfit look chic rather than childish. Did I make it? Oh, yes, I did. Thanks to these cool round pink sunglasses and rose gold sandals.

PINK IS NOT JUST FASHION, IT’S AN ATTITUDE

Even though you might don’t think those pink shades and metallic shoes did much to bring this style from candy crush to the chic, cool outfit, let me tell you one thing. They made me feel a million. And that it’s all that matters when it comes to wearing a monochrome pink outfit with ruffles, bows and pleats. You must feel confident in a pink outfit. You know, pink is more than just a colour, more than the latest fashion trend. Pink it’s an attitude. So, either embrace it or crush it.

HOW TO WEAR ROMANTIC PINK OUTFIT

Finally, the one thing you want to know the most. How the fashion hell you can look and feel chic in the romantic pink outfit? Embellished with shine, glitter, bows and ruffles? The answer is simple. Style it with statement accessories in metallic pink hues and red as I did this time.

3# TIPS TO LOOK CHIC IN PINK

1# COLOUR CLASHING ACCESSORIES

By the way, still doubting in the pink and red colour clashes? Remember how I first wore this clashing pair a few months ago. I told you I will go step by step. In case you forgot, be sure to check it again over here.

2# METALLIC FINISH

Lastly, finish your look with metallic shoes. Believe me, it will work every time. I mean it worked in my case. And this pink outfit is the most romantic, candy sweet outfit you could wear.

3# STRAIGHT SILHOUETTE

Not to forget to mention another thing. Perhaps even more important than the accessories and metallic shoes. That is if you copy cat my style and go for a pleated midi skirt. Mind the length of the skirt and how the skirt falls down. You know what I mean, you need to create a straight silhouette that elongates your body. Moreover, go for a metallic shine on your skirt too. It doesn’t need to be a legit metallic pink. I’m wearing a velvet pink pleated skirt and the velvet gives the right dose of metallic shine to make this look chic enough for a millennial like me. Also be sure to read more on how to wear a pleated midi skirt here.

SHOP AND WEAR MY STYLE

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You can get my look by clicking on the items you see in the EDIT or in the galleries above and here. Don’t worry, new windows will open for you so you can check them later when you finish reading this blog post. Although, I doubt you will be able to resist the temptation and not shop first. Besides almost all the things I’m wearing are on SALE now. Meaning they are running out fast!

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ACCESSORIES

Starting with the shades and shoes first. After all, these are the essentials that will elevate the romantic pink outfit and make you look chic and confident.

I’m wearing pink round shades from Sunday Somewhere (shop them here).

Do I even need to say anything about my shoes? I have been wearing them several times before. Remember here, with the cold shoulder midi shirt dress, and with the Barbie pink cocktail dress here? I simply love these Stuart Weitzman rose gold sandals. And no, I don’t love them merely because of the colour. With the fact that they make me feel a million, they are super comfortable and so easy to walk. While the ankle is supported, which matters the most for me. This is a tip: don’t get heels that don’t give you enough support! Anyway, you can get my Stuart Weitzman sandals ON SALE you don’t want to miss here.

THE BAG

I’m wearing See by Chloe hot pink bag. I bought it two years ago, so no, you can’t get this one online anymore. But I found some stunning pink bags and added them in the gallery above. Although let’s be honest, there’s no other bag than Kelly. Well, perhaps the Drew, if you are looking for a somehow more casual look. Or better say want a bag that will go well with everything from jeans to the wedding dress. Truly, it works. My friend Stella wore white Drew on her wedding day, and she looked magnifique.

PINK ON PINK

Finally, about the clothes. I’m wearing this pink pleated skirt I got for less than $28, not laying. It was less than $28 and surprisingly looks well. Even the stitches are good. And it comes in one size. Only, I must say, it took ages for me to get this skirt. I think it took more than a month for this skirt to come all the way from who knows where to Slovenia. I don’t know what the issue was. I guess you will be wearing your pleated midi pink skirt sooner if you get any other pink pleated midis from the gallery above. Still, if you are willing to wait, I mean the price is really good and the quality beats the price down, you can get it here.

As it goes for the pussy bow blouse, I’m wearing. Sorry, you can’t get the same blouse anymore. I bought it years ago and hadn’t been wearing it much as it has elastic on the bottom and works well only when tucked inside the high-waisted skirt or pants. Not that tucking in was the problem, but this material is horrific to wear. No silk this time. I still don’t know what I was thinking back then when buying a blouse made of p*. I can’t even write it. Horrifying indeed. Anyway, I already got myself a new similar silky blouse from the gallery above.

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THE GLOWY MAKEUP

Be sure to check my previous blog post to find out all about the makeup I’m wearing this time. And learn my tricks for the healthy, natural looking glow of your skin.

MORE PINK OUTFITS

No more pink, please?! Not so fast. I still have some pink outfits on the side, ready to post them. But you already know this as you must have seen me in the pink prints on pink prints outfit on my Instagram. Anyway, the next outfit posts to come will be less romantic and way chicer. First, comes the pink and white and for the end pink and red. You know, fashionistas wear red in Paris. Besides, I finally grew up in Paris and found myself again. Also, all about my first Paris Haute Couture Fashion Week is coming up soon soon. As soon as I catch up with all the things that should have been posted already. You know, between the shows, parties, and shopping sprees, there is simply not enough time to do it all. Anyway, how are you filling about all this pink on me? Do you like to wear pink?

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Crushing Pink Like a Candy After seeing me in so many different pink outfits lately, you must think pink is my favourite colour to wear.