#((I've genuinely never felt so bad for a fictional character.))

[anniflamma]

My Thoughts on The Thunder Saga

I've been thinking about The Thunder Saga all day, even though I have a headache, and I can say one thing: I liked it!

I was mostly prepared for the emotional damage in Mutiny/Thunder Bringer for multiple reasons, like collaborating with Jay on the ending of Thunder Bringer. However, I was genuinely surprised by Suffering, Different Beast, and the reveal that Odysseus had already tried to kill Eurylochus during Scylla. I really wanted Odysseus to go full-blown monster mode in Act 2, so I felt satisfied.

Maybe this is a hot take, but I have never really felt bad for Odysseus. The only time I did cry and felt for him was when his mother was singing to him in The Underworld Saga. I've never been fond of the crying, shooting soldier type, both in fiction and in real life. I've watched too many documentaries that made me incapable of feeling bad for people or characters committing cruel acts on others and then crying about it like they were the victims.

The song Suffering was a delight! You immediately knew something was wrong just from the happy tone of the music, especially since we were left with Monster. At first, I thought it was a flashback, and yes, the comment "daughter" piqued my interest. Then I quickly thought it was a dream, but at the same time, something felt wrong.

When it switched to Different Beast, my first thought was, "Did he just shoot Penelope?🤣 " And yes, we now know it was the Sirens! But the imagery is very ironic. I even see it as a parallel with the first saga, with the infant. Odysseus has a whole song about his struggle with the decision to kill an infant that reminds him of his own child, ends up killing him, and then in the second act, he kills a female creature that looks like his wife without hesitation. That, folks, is character development! Yes, Odysseus knew it was a Siren, and we can still tell that he is somewhat tries convincing himself in Different Beast.

"My real wife knows I'm not scared of the water And my real wife knows I don't have a daughter"

Essentially, he is reminding himself that this woman in front of him isn't his wife.

All the cruelty against the Sirens was unnecessary. But that is the point! He believes that the only way home is to be as ruthless as possible. However, bringing unnecessary suffering to both foes and friends was obviously the incorrect decision.

Musically, the song Different Beast didn't really click for me. I mostly found it edgy and not really "cool," if you know what I mean. I've heard it a couple of times but still have a hard time remembering the melody, weirdly enough.

If I ever make an animatic of these songs, it will probably be all together in one animatic. Those two songs are meant to be one, but I understand why they are separated due to the major difference in tones.

The song Scylla was the least anticipated song for me. The snippets didn't really catch my attention. But I did like the conclusion of making Scylla and Odysseus have a short duet at the end. Scylla's cruelty was just a mirror of Odysseus, and he was the one actually killing his men. I think this saga really was Eurylochus' peak in terms of characterization. Eurylochus confesses that he was the one who opened the bag and has suffered with this weight and guilt. Odysseus, in his state of mind, turns away and tells Eurylochus to light a torch, knowing that action will doom Eurylochus. Odysseus straight-up tried to kill Eurylochus already, and I thought it would happen in Mutiny! XD

That moment was cold! No words, no goodbyes, just "Light the torch."

Then we have Mutiny. I really liked it! The callbacks to Luck Runs Out were a bit expected but felt so good when they happened! I've seen comments here and there saying that Eurylochus was a hypocrite due to his comment from the Circe Saga to abandon the men who became pigs. Odysseus even brings that up! But Eurylochus is very justified in calling Odysseus out for his actions.

"When we fought the Cyclops, you were quick to hatch a plan And when we fought with Circe, it was you who left behind no man But when we fought this monster, we didn't take a stand"

Odysseus could have made a plan that at least could have increased the chances of survival for the six men who died. But he didn't, he only thought of himself and betrayed them first, using them as bait to guarantee his own survival. Eurylochus, in the Circe Saga, was a man who was scared, confused, and filled with guilt for opening the bag. So his wanting to take the cowardly route is understandable, but it's nowhere near what Odysseus did.

So then they fight, epic moment, we all love it! And for the second time, Odysseus tries to kill Eurylochus but ultimately fails because Perimedes stabs him in the back. Odysseus is like, "My brothers, why?"

WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHY??? But that is still the point of Odysseus' perspective. He is acting like a ruthless monster now, so he is in a state where he is incapable of understanding or more like thinking of his victims' perspectives. Of course his men would defend themselves from him, of course they would betray him, of course they would backstab him. If you treat your own friends as disposable, eventually there will be a reaction: they will either abandon you or retaliate. It takes an immense depth of pride to feel secure with someone you have inflicted suffering on. And pride is the very theme in this saga!

When Luck Runs Out plays but the roles are switched, it felt a bit nostalgic in a way, but it's still a bit distorted. This time, Odysseus is the one singing Eurylochus' lines, but it's not him being confused and doubtful, instead, he is scared yet manipulative. Eurylochus opens up and is vulnerable toward Odysseus. He feels hopeless, clearly experiencing survivor's guilt.

"Eurylochus: How much longer must I push through doubt? Odysseus: I need to get home Eurylochus: How much longer must we go about my life like this when people die like this?"

When it doesn't work, Odysseus switches from "I" to "we." I love that detail. It's not genuine, and I love it!

Thunder Bringer… I loved it. There, I said it! There is nothing more! LOVED IT! ⚡⚡⚡ I am so happy that I got to do an animatic for Jay for this song!

Thunder Bringer is the song where Zeus punishes the whole fleet for killing (presumably) Apollo's cattle. My theory now is that Apollo doesn't like Odysseus for killing his cows in God Game, and Athena is probably like, "Yeah, but his men did it, not him." And Apollo is like, "Touché."

EDIT: I know that the cattle is Helio's but I speculating maybe the musical will change that to Apollos. Who knows!

Essentially, Zeus literally comes down and sets things straight. Instead of being sneaky and witty like Odysseus usually tries to be, Zeus just gets to the point, "Who gets to live?" And Odysseus points at Eurylochus/the crew, saving himself from Zeus' punishment. Well, I do see that Calypso's island is Odysseus' punishment in a way. It's an ironic one. He comes to paradise and gets a home and a wife… just not the home and wife he wanted. I have some fun ideas for my Thunder Bringer animatic!

Rest in peace, Eurylochus. You will be missed.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not texting my friend?

To be clear I have no intention of cutting off this person, I will not block or ghost them, and if they text me I WILL answer and not be dry or lame about it.

I just won't be the one to start any conversations.

Moving on:

The story is super complicated but I'll try to keep it coherent.

Three people in the story (fake names):

Me (20)

Alex (16) - friend

Luck (16) - younger sibling We are all the same gender.

Something to keep in mind about me: I have always been very sheltered, naive and distracted, people have told me so and the more I learn the more I realize how ignorant I am. So I have very little experience, perception and knowledge of worldly things. This makes it difficult for me to keep up with people my age and I spend most of my focus on stories I like to write. It's not an excuse for anything and I'm actively working to be better.

Something that doesn't contribute much to the story but may be nice to know: Pretty much everything happens online, I've only met Alex in person like 4 times for birthday parties and stuff.

Now the story: I met Alex three years ago during covid when I was doing school online (I was 17 and Alex and Luck were 13). I was introduced to Alex through my younger sibling. Luck added me to a group chat with a bunch of their classmates, and I got popular really fast. Alex took a particular liking to me, because they thought i was funny and we had many of the same hobbies. So Alex was the first of Luck's friends to start a chat with me directly. Alex was always online and so was I, so we ended up talking alot, like all the time. I noticed Luck got kind of jealous, and that was when I began to wonder if the friendship was right, but I did nothing about it.

Eventually Alex and I started writing a story together, it's something I try to do with all of my close friends and we got really into it. A big rule that I have is that the real world and fiction are separate, under no circumstances are they to entertwine, especially emotionally (ex. I have never and will never insert myself in a story or daydream, not even if reality sucks for me at that time) Alex was different, they got attached to the characters. So there I am, obsessed with progressing the story's plot, and I kill off one of my characters. Alex expresses discontent, but not much. It's through Luck that I find out later that Alex had been crying about it for days. I felt bad and brought the character back, and life went on.

A year and a half into our friendship and Luck seems to have gotten over her jealousy, while Alex and I spend more time writing and focusing on the story than anything else. There are some signs in the rare times that Alex and I talk about life that it become apparent that Alex is going through a rough time, but I don't think too much about it since the story is all that's on my mind. On top of this there's school and whatever.

One day Alex starts asking for breaks from story writing and plotting, and I agree without a fuss. It gets me thinking a bit more, and after a couple more days during a conversation about the real world Alex sends a long paragraph about how horrible things are. (I won't explain what exactly these horrible things were for privacy reasons) Now I realize how inconsiderate I've been so far and I tell Alex that I'm there to support them in whatever they need. I spend pretty much all of the next year texting them every hour of every day and this is what happens:

At the beginning of our friendship our conversations flowed wonderfully, we shared our achievements and showed genuine interest in each other's lives. But things changed and by this point In the story our conversations go like so:

Me: (asks a question) Alex: (responds) Me: (reacts to response) Alex: (dry response) -Repeat infinitely-

Aside from that we would always say goodnight and Goodmorning to each other.

One time. Only one. Alex texted me asking for help and I didn't see the message until hours later. I never really forgave myself for that.

At this point I'm 19 and Alex is 15, and it suddenly crosses my mind how our friendship might be perceived by others. I considered Alex another younger sibling, but with all the crazy things happening in the world I wondered what others would think. In the end I concluded that Alex needed me and it didn't matter. So life goes on. My entire life revolves around helping Alex, when I'm not texting them I am worrying, my own problems come second. My whole family thinks I'm addicted to my phone. I'm always tired and stressed. The stories were put on pause.

Time passes and soon I'm turning twenty. I'm starting to think I can't do it anymore, our friendship has turned kind of codependent (I didn't even know what that was until a month ago). I consider ghosting many times, changing my number, blocking, but only for a couple minutes at a time and I always hate myself for thinking it afterwards. I keep talking to Alex, but sometimes I'll answer a bit slower. Let them wait 3-5 minutes instead of 1-2, if I really steel myself I can hold back for 7 minutes.

One day without warning Alex doesn't text me at all. They've dissapeared before but never without sending a quick message to let me know about it, not until this day. Their status also worries me, only one word: "gone". There I am internally freaking out, losing it, trying to come up with reasons for which everything is fine. I don't ask Luck if they know anything because I know they'll get annoyed. It's not until late the next day that Alex lets me know they went a roadtrip. I tell them "I was worried lol" and immediately they ask why. I wasn't expecting an apology but the question struck me as weird, so I was reluctant to answer. Alex pushes for an answer, they haven't been this interested in what I've had to say for years. I with horror I realize that they liked that i was worried, they wanted to milk it as much as they could. I understand that people need validation, but I was already constantly complementing Alex and telling them how important they were. The fact that they preferred my panic (though in Alex's defense I never told them I was panicking) hit me hard. I didn't elaborate on why I was worried. Alex got upset. And i spent the next hour sobbing over my phone, realizing i needed some distance.

I started slow. I wouldn't say goodnight somedays, others I would forgo a Goodmorning, but I always answered (I swore to myself never to leave Alex on read). I went on a trip and I decided I would enjoy it for once, so I let Alex know i couldn't text much. Nevertheless this lack of contact didn't keep me from worrying and wondering endlessly.

After the trip we kept texting less, we expressed missing each other but neither of us did too much to keep things going. I tried to focus on my in-person relationships, and friendships with people my age. I went back to stories and published a novella.

Nowadays Alex and I talk maybe once every week and a half. The conversations are excruciating. Alex tells me how things still suck, my usual words of comfort seem to mean nothing to either of us anymore. Alex leaves me on read as soon as the conversation goes dry, usually after ten minutes worth of conversation, sometimes over the span of many hours. We don't talk again until I cave in and say hello. Then a couple days later Alex says hello. And then it's up to me again, and every time I tell myself I won't do it.

Luck has told me their opinion of Alex, they saw way before I did how self-centered Alex is. The thing is Alex doesn't do it on purpose, I am entirely sure of that and so is Luck. Luck treats Alex nicely but they're out of touch, more than I am. I am not mad at Alex. I still care deeply for them, but I feel like there's nothing I can do andour old dynamic just hurts both of us. Cutting them off is not an option, they're just a kid and I'm better than that. So I just don't start a conversation.

A couple days ago Alex texted me (even though it was my unspoken turn to text first) and we talked, and the conversation wasn't dry at all, and it wasn't that painful to deal with. They showed interest in my life and shared some sad stuff but also happy stuff about theirs, and it felt like old times. We texted the entire day. At one point the they mentioned that I could text them whenever I wanted, and I felt an underlying petition that I do. The conversation went on and eventually they left me on read the next morning when I answered a message from the night before.

Ever since then I've been actively holding back from texting them but I can't help but wonder if I'm a jerk for it.

These aren't even all the factors but this post has gotten too long lol.

So AITA?

[becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys]

I liked Kieran, maybe only because he reminded me of myself as a kid. Constantly feeling left out and being both harassed for everything you do do and never being trusted with anything to even proof yourself capable, like the knowledge about the truth about ogerpon. I still am, working on that, but was way more jealous of other people hanging out with my friends simply because I had so precious few. Idk how much it would have fucked with me if my verbally abusive older sister (I do also have one of those) simply decided that one of my friends was now one of hers instead and kicking me out while my friend isn't saying or doing anything to be like "no, actually I want to spend time with [anon] too".

Obviously his obsession with ogerpon and the following Drive to get stronger is pretty hyperbolic but I did also have a bit of that. Just rejecting everything, throwing everything back at everyone since it was, or at least felt, like its always my family and the people around me just throwing shit at me too. Did I overreact a bunch of times? Oh yeah for sure. Teenage tantrums will get ya, but I really did need that. Without it I don't think I would have ever learned to call out my family's abuse and other people treating me poorly. Since as a kid that just radiates low self esteem you seem to get treated like shit from just about everyone.

Anyway all that is to say, throwing around things like "I think this kid would shoot up a school if only he had access to guns" isn't, imho, great. And I don't even really particularly care about your instance rn, like it's a fictional character in a Pokémon game who cares. So sorry for being the one who got my rant lol. It's just something I've been seeing more of lately, people throwing "they'd shoot up a school" not only at fictional characters but actual human beings. Which I think is fucked. Thankfully no one ever said that to me, but I cannot imagine how hurtful that must be, like if we ignore all the other negative effects it has for a second, when your actual school life was hell enough to make you consider ending your own life, like it was for me, to just get thrown another brick at your head that people think you would be monster enough to murder people.

...well there's a lot to unpack here.

So first up, you have my genuine condolences for your extraordinarily shitty school life. You clearly had the very rough end of the stick, and it's clearly still hurting, and that sucks.

However. I am not thrilled that you just trauma dumped in my inbox because you over-projected onto a fictional character, and I'll ask you not to do that again. Particularly when your "rant" is explicitly aimed at trying to make me feel bad for criticising a fictional character that you, once again, have over-projected onto.

Like listen, I too had an extraordinarily shitty school life, and I also had very few friends (and at three separate extended points, a combination of Literally No Friends At All, AND Being Actively Targeted For Bullying; the first time around, the bullying was led by the class teacher, even.) I have very much been there, done that and got an entire t-shirt shop. But I still didn't come away from that feeling that I was entitled to other people liking me or wanting to be friends with me, because no one is obliged to like or be friends with anyone else. I may have occasionally felt jealous, but I didn't throw tantrums and demand perfect loyalty from the few friends I did make, because that would have been abusive as all hell and would have justly made them want nothing to do with me. And, crucially and relevantly to the fictional character in the fictional world that we are discussing, I did not fixate on someone I wanted to be my friend, see that they were afraid of me and wanted to be friends with someone else, and then throw such a tantrum about it that I physically fought that someone else for the 'rights' to that friend regardless of their consent in that matter, apparently with the intention of abducting them if I won. And on losing that fight, I did not storm off and start amassing a collection of stronger and stronger weapons so I could take over my school and prove my dominance over them, emotionally abusing anyone who couldn't keep up with me because of family problems along the way. I presume you did not either!

And if I had, then the trauma and loneliness I received would be irrelevant - actions borne of trauma are still actions, with real world consequences, and you are still responsible for them regardless of how bad you felt.

(I mean, not to put too fine a point on it, but school shooters are people who are also lonely and often bullied. It's very interesting therefore that you dismiss them as "monsters" while demanding that all behaviour from such people up to the shooting be excused. But the issue with such people is the entitlement they feel and the abuse they therefore dish out. Shootings are just the most extreme symptom of that - they're far from the only symptom.)

I cannot stress this enough - you are not the fictional character of Kieran in the game Pokémon Scarlet and Violet. You did not make his choices, or perform his actions (I assume). Criticism of him is not criticism of you. No one is accusing you of being about to shoot up a school. You state that you don't care that he's a fictional character, but I'm afraid you very much should, because that is the crucial difference. I am sorry that you're seeing a lot of people accusing real life people of being school shooters, but that is not what has happened here, is it?

You're welcome to write back. But I'll warn you very clearly - I am absolutely not at home to you trauma dumping further, or trying to make me feel guilty for talking about a fictional character because you have over-projected and therefore are taking it personally. That is a You Problem, and I will block you without reading if you do.

However, I am going to finish by reiterating my very genuine sympathies for your school experience. It truly was an appalling time for me, and it seems like it was for you, too. I hope you can process that trauma now, and find peace.

[bleachbleachbleach]

Verisimilitude (long thoughts about writing)

Sometimes I get mailed random books to consider for course adoption. The first one I looked at the other day was so incredibly bad I could not make it past page 12--"oh my god I hate books" bad; "trees were wasted on this!!" bad. And then there's this one. I've made it to page 30-something and I could have told you 20 pages ago that Oliver Twist it would remain, but I am still reading it to read it, and maybe keep it to recommend extracurricularly. (The protagonist Alva is a weeb for American culture, whatever the word is for that, which I think could make for interesting study!) But that's all context to say,

AH YES THE INTERNET RABBIT HOLE OF NARUTO FAN FICTION, HENTAILORD. WE'VE ALL BEEN THERE.

SO...

BLEACH MENTION WHEN????

Based on the style of her screen name, the Naruto porn, and her listening to My Chemical Romance and Linkin Park, this girl is definitely living her teenage life in the mid-00s, in ways that are searingly obvious. Which feels like it should be a massive success in terms of using verisimilitude to pinpoint a particular time and place and, by extension, person. But I don't think it does?

In thinking about why this doesn't work for me as a reader:

1. As a general rule, I tend not to enjoy "fandom" subculture references like this in fiction, because they have never felt true to my experience of fandom, or even my experience of others' experiences of fandom. The specificity is there but not the verisimilitude. Whether this is because of an inability to articulate the breath of life that animates fandom spaces, or a feeling of needing to at least kind of translate it for the uninitiated general audience, I don't know. Not that Alva's narrative goes far enough to merit this discussion; she's just reading Naruto porn for one sentence, but it just doesn't land right for me. (Sidebar, this is probably also why I don't enjoy acafandom or fandom essays that aspire to acafandom; there's usually this attempted, manufactured critical/"objective" distance from the text that often feels performative, or at least the wrong [or less interesting] tool for the job. And even where 'in-group' positionality is addressed, the translation required to make these things legible to the out-group is just--well, not what I want in life, I guess!)

2. I am a great believer in drawing greatly from what you know and feel and all those random thoughts and behaviors and emotions and tics that make life interesting, and giving them to fiction. In fanfic especially, I am a great believer in seeing the author's hands in a text, making the story (and the original canon) unmistakably theirs. But I kind of always want them to be hands that are in the act of giving. By which I mean, I think there's a difference between all these things existing in a story and having been given to a character or a world or a story, and integrated genuinely into them.

Like, all I can think about while reading this book is how the author definitely lived through the mid-00s in a particular and very familiar way. Rather than create a richly immersive world, the details jump out of the page and leave the story behind. They don't feel like they belong to Alva (or perhaps Alva does not feel like a character with the depth to hold them and make them hers). They belong do the author, and to me, and to history, but Alva falls out of the equation. And if this is going to work, I feel like Alva can't fall out of the equation.

3. I was talking to a friend about something similar a few months ago. She was complaining about a historical fiction book she was reading with a book club she leads at the library she works at--how it was clearly very well-researched, but dry as hell. The information was not animated by the story itself. And I compared it to a fanfic I'd (not) read, where the author was very proud of all the research they'd done and how accurate-to-life its setting was. (To be clear, I'm not subtweeting Bleach fandom. Completely different fandom! Also this fanfic was published like 16 years ago.) The fic did bring in lots of specific details about trees and highways and city names--things I knew well, too, because it was set where my sister lives--but rather than be as exciting and, again, rich, as I feel like that familiarity could have been, it all felt dead. Because all these things were described specifically, but not true to how the narrating characters would describe them, or mentally catalogue them, or experience them.

And you might think, well, how would we possibly know how a character thinks about highways? It's not like he's explained this in canon. And I'd say, well, you definitely can. There are probably a lot of different ways a character could plausibly think about highways, depending on the specific shade and flavor of your characterization of them, all equally believable; but it's got to be part of the equation. There are a lot of ways to be right, and you know it when it's wrong. The wrong-est way it can be is for the way they think about highways to not factor into the way those dang highways are being described by them, in their POV.

4. I think about this both as a reader and as a writer--certainly more often as a writer, because I find that level of imagining a character's headspace the VERY best part of the process, and also because I am often concerned I am not doing it, or at least not well, lol. I'm positive I've done all the things I've just talked about not enjoying.

These concerns exist at the level of characterization work in general, but also at that level of, is the wizard behind the green curtain? Are his hands giving? Because while I do write fanfic because "it is fun" and because "this idea interests me," I am also usually writing it to work through deeply personal emotions/experiences. Which again, perhaps selfishly, I support that. But from a craft perspective I don't want it to feel, transparently, like "oh lol this author is going through it."

Moreover, from a relational perspective, I don't want that to be the relationship between me as author and the characters. Because one thing I am ALWAYS writing fanfic to do is to indulge my feelings about how much I am in complete, rapturous love with the characters and worlds in question. I don't want to just place things upon them, like a film or shroud; I want them to be given, integrated, arriving in the text wholly in their bodies and in their minds and entirely theirs. And I mean this for both the emotional arcs and conflicts and the random tics and details. I want them to have been given, and to belong, and to feel completely and inextricably theirs.

So, those are my thoughts about mid-00s Naruto porn!!!

I'd love to hear others' perspectives, as readers or writers or both. Have you had similar reactions, or quite different? Why do you write, and what do you want? What's your template for how you think about characterization, or your writerly relationship to canon/characters?

[oscconfessions]

fuck it I'm not gonna go on anon because everyone's gonna know its me anyways. this shit aint a bit anymore I'm just genuinely crushing on pen. I just want him to hold me, to tell me its gonna be ok. I want him to give me a kiss and tell me how much he loves me. man I am down bad at this point, this ain't normal at ALL. its crazy how I've never felt this amount of attraction to any people, yet with a fictional pen I want him to be my bf.hm. he would be so kind,,,,,,,,,,,,you dont get it,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, he reeks of axe body spray but I still love him. I'm hoping he gets more of a character arc in tpot because like.i need more content of him SOBS. he's been invading my thoughts and like.hes all I can draw now/j. he means so much to me.honestly. he's such a comfort character for me, and I wish he was real. he could fix me with just a simple kiss if he really wanted to tbh. his lack of style and boyfail personality has captivated me.i need him.

.

[letoasai]

No one remembers Anime Spiral

What do kids even do on the internet? I'm genuinely asking. Everything revolves around social media and that's fine but what do they do. Are their cool things they can do anymore?

There used to be websites and you would just wander the internet on the family computer. Newgrounds. Gaia Online. Neopets. Yahoo Games. Quizzila. Live Journal... I'm not saying they were all great but they were something to do and... no i'll commit, they were great. I wasn't worried about posting pictures of myself when i was busy watching a flash animation of Dragonball Z that someone put painstaking hours into.

A lot of younger kids and teens don't know how to download something and save it to a particular folder on their computer because they've never used a computer. Meanwhile we were somehow... coding our Myspace pages to have a particular background. When did we acquire that knowledge?

In 2004/2005 i went looking for Inuyasha pictures, as one did, and i stumbled upon a site of people posting fanfiction? Sign me up... Anime Spiral was the wild west of chaos fanfic writers. People would make banners for their work that would sit in their summary sections. God help you, but those seizure inducing flashing colors were going to get your attention.

People would write anything, stories, poems, lyrics. People would post art and open commissions for people to ask for things in the comments, and the OP would just do it... There were frantic collaborations. Some were really good. Some were really bad.

There were chaotic originally stories with random anime characters thrown in for fun because who was going to tell them they couldn't? Some people just ranted to anime characters and i will always remember Ask Sesshomaru where you'd ask Sesshomaru a question in the comments and the next chapter he would answer every.single.question. The fact that it was probably a 16 year old girl writing that just didn't matter.

Some people just posted picture of anime characters. They did all the internet searches so you didn't have to! They were harder to find then.

The comment/response section to this day... was the best format i've seen on a fanfic site (imo). It was so easy. I miss it! I miss going to my word processing class and pulling up that site and chatting with people in the freaking comments of whatever...terrible story i'd posted at the time. I was probably so proud of it then but yikes...

The notification system was good and it was easy to talk to people without it feeling intrusive.

Maybe Anime Spiral was Tumblr before Tumblr.

I met two strangers on Anime Spiral a week apart. Internet dangers weren't as obvious then as they seem now. Those two strangers became two of my best friends. It's been nearly twenty years and they are still so prevalent in my life.

I met my best friend on that site. That seems so impossible to me now. We never would have met otherwise and i can't imagine my life without them. We were so upset when Anime Spiral went down. We missed the ugly green and mustard yellow template to this day.

It wasn't a great site, it had it's problems... It had a lot of problems but at the same time, it was a great site. It's hard to find people who even remember Anime Spiral anymore. Going to FF .net or Fiction Press afterwards felt like... a downgrade somehow. The systems overly complicated and it lacked...something.

I do enjoy the hell out of AO3, it actually checks all the boxes for a great writing site, but i'll always remember the chaotic nostalgia of Anime Spiral.

What do kids do on the internet now? Is it safe? Is it just selfies, gossip, and bullying? Do you have a little dragon you can take care of? Neopets could take up a lot of their attention. I don't think 2024 Neopets is the same as 2005 Neopets and that's a shame.

I have no idea. I feel old.

[angie-long-legs]

//Long post alert! A little look into the mun's feelings since joining this lovely community of writers and hazbin enthusiasts! Discussions of trauma, mental health and bereavement but nothing explicit, and overall, the tone of this post is positive!

I started to rp as Angel back in March of this year, and it's honestly been such a wonderful experience. I've met so many lovely people and written brilliant stories with brilliant writers and it's been such a joy to meet you all.

I didn't have a great start to my year. I'll be completely honest, I don't entirely remember what triggered the little blip in my mental health just after Christmas (part of my mental health issues include memory problems), but from working with my therapist, we think that I was pushing a bit too hard with stuff I wasn't ready to process.

I have always been a writer. Since I was 14 I've kept a journal, I've filled notebook after notebook and it's something I've never fully stepped back from. I need to write, it's the way I process things, and it always has been. I've rped as a teenager, written fanfiction, written my own stories and poetry, and these days I focus mostly on writing music. However, I never let go of journaling. I struggle to communicate my feelings, so writing has always been my outlet.

It's also how I process trauma. And, until recently, I was working a lot with my therapist by bringing my notebook into appointments and basically processing what I'd written with him there to support me and help me untangle things that don't make sense.

Close to Christmas, I was doing some very heavy and intense writing. I pushed too hard against walls that were not steady and I collapsed. I wasn't coping well, I wasn't sleeping, I reached out for help but mental health services in this country are dire, and I wound up in a situation that hasn't been my reality in years.

Honestly, that time period still doesn't feel real to me. Which is often how bad things feel - it's part of how my brain copes.

After that, I stopped writing in my notebook. It was too much and I was scared of pushing my limits and losing control. I was pulling back in therapy, I wasn't bringing in my writing anymore.

To top it off, I lost a family member a few months later. It was foreseen and it was peaceful, but it was still painful.

I started watching Hazbin pretty soon after it came out and got absolutely swept up in Angel Dust's character. There are few characters I've felt as strongly connected to or related to as heavily him, and his story is incredibly meaningful to me. During this time period where I was too emotionally vulnerable to approach my own painful experiences, there was a cathartic release in seeing the same experiences played out in a fictional (albeit intentionally realistic) scenario that I was capable of processing.

I was pretty quick to start rping as Angel once I'd watched the show. This porn spider was begging me to write him, and I needed to write - I just needed to write in a way that didn't overwhelm me.

And it's been so incredibly beneficial for me. Not only in that it allows me to explore some of my own feelings and traumas in a safe, controlled way, but I've made such amazing friends and written in new ways I wouldn't have previously tried my hand at. I've written plots that are so silly and ridiculous, I've written darker themes, I've written comedy, angst, fluff, smut and I've adored all of it. More than just an outlet, it's a creative hobby that keeps me thinking about things I genuinely enjoy and makes me happy and has lead me to finding people that I feel lucky to have encountered in this community.

In the past month and a bit, I started telling my therapist that I've been writing on here. He pointed out the fact that I stopped writing in my notebook and started writing on here around the same time, and that it might be easier for me to write as a character than actually write as myself for the time being, and that this was a healthy way of going about it. Because I'm still writing - I'm just doing it in a way that isn't going to hurt me.

It's a very standard way of coping for me as well. I have a dissociative disorder, it's not exactly beyond the realms of belief that when coping with a difficult situation, I recede into "it's not happening to me, it's happening to them". I'm incredibly aware of this.

But, overall, I'm just glad I've found a way to cope that's so engaging and so creative. I feel like I'm learning more every time I write and pushing myself to better, and it's amazing to do something with my own ideas, spin them into something real rather than let them fester away in my brain. I'm so grateful for this community of fandom nerds and I'm so lucky to have found something so wonderful to fuel my imagination and gently nudge me in the direction of healing. I love all my friends and my mutuals, and even if we haven't interacted you can bet I'm looking at you and frothing at the mouth waiting for us to write together. I feel so full of appreciation every time I come on here that people even want to write with my silly little portrayal.

Thank you for making this such a rewarding experience for me. I love you all 🩷

[purpleshadow-star]

People are saying that Noah went through and felt the same things Will did, and that's why his scenes hit different now. I've seen posts saying that he wasn't acting in some scenes and that he really felt the same emotions as Will, or that he was able to give such a raw performance because he felt the same way as Will. I've seen things about how Noah must have felt awful because his character was the target of homophobes, so he felt like they were attacking him, too.

I think people are taking this too far.

Could Noah have felt Will's emotions on a deeper level than we all knew? Sure. But we don't actually know that. At the end of the day, Noah is an actor. He's an actor, reading from a script, playing a fictional character, and he knows that the story is fiction. He also knows that the homophobes in the show are wrong and end up being punished/ shown in a bad light on purpose. Noah is an actor doing a job, and he knows not to internalize the scripts and the words of homobobic characters. He's played multiple roles. Will wasn't his first role. He knows how this works. He knows the homophobia is wrong and incorrect, especially since they make that clear in the show. I doubt he grew up feeling as awful as Will did just because of the words in the scripts (in scenes he wasn't even there for). Please give him more credit than that.

Noah's scenes hit different because now we 100% know that Noah was really able to put himself into Will's mindset. We now know that Noah was really able to imagine himself going through what Will was going through while filming, and he could relate to being closeted and scared to come out as well.

That's all we know.

We don't know anything else. We don't know his experience. It's entirely possible that Noah went through the same feelings and emotions as Will did, that the words from homophobic characters did affect him personally, but until we get a confirmation that that's true (which might never happen, and that's perfectly fine), I think we need to stop assuming we know his experiences while growing up closeted.

So to say, "Noah wasn't acting here," is just wrong because he was acting in every scene. Just because he is able to relate to Will more than we thought doesn't mean he wasn't acting. Until we get confirmation that he wasn't acting (like how he said he wasn't acting in the shoot-out scene and that he was genuinely terrified), let's not assume anything.

Here's what we know: Noah is gay. He was scared to come out. He came out to his family and friends. They said they knew already. They support him. He can relate to Will as far as being gay and scared and his family already knowing.

Until he shares more or clarifies further, that's all we know so far. Let's not assume things he never confirmed about his private life. We're not owed information about his experiences growing up, and we don't have the right to paint a picture about his experiences when we don't know the truth yet.

[sehtoast]

Is it me or not many people simp for Homelander compared to other villains? It’s like people can’t say they find him hot without getting jumped and i just don’t understand why? There’re villains who have done way worse and people still like them so why is it any different with Homelander, he is literally fictional and never harmed anyone in real life. What do you think is the reason?

Prepare yourself. This is gonna be a long one lol:

For what it’s worth, I feel like a lot more people do simp for him than are open about it for exactly what you just said. I’ve rarely seen fandoms respond to people liking a character the way people jump at us for liking Homelander.  The amount of hate mail I've received and seen others get and the genuinely FOUL things that have been said are just absolutely crazy. Like I’ve seen less kickback for people simping for real-world mass shooters and serial killers than I have for fans of Homie, which is WILD but yeah!!

I think it’s because Kripke decided to make him a Trump allegory that makes people so quick to jump us over it honestly. I feel like if he wasn’t, a LOT more people would openly like him too. 

More below the cut:

90% of the criticisms I see toward Homie fans is “he’s LITCHERALLY TRUMP” and/or something about Stormfront.  Some people go the “he’s a r*pist” route, which, sure, valid, but then this is not the same energy a lot of fans of r*pist characters have gotten.  I remember with shows like GoT, where characters could be any number of awful things (including r*pists), there wasn’t necessarily as much vilification of people for liking those characters, and, even though I didn’t watch much of the show, I know daaaaamn well we got some qualifiers in there.  That’s just an example, and there’s certainly others that prove the point. Soldier Boy was downright HORRIBLE to the women he was around, but we barely see criticism there and it's pretty heavily implied he's ignored consent many times in his own time given the way he treats women - plus we know he s*xually abused Gunpowder. Anyway, if that energy isn’t being directed in nearly the same capacity there or elsewhere, then it’s primarily likely to be either reason one or two, and I definitely would put my money on number one.  And like, being a Homelander enjoyer has not made me a Trump enjoyer. In fact, I have a pretty visceral reaction of disgust every time I see that rat bitch on the news lmao.  

Being a Homelander simp certainly does not mean we approve of his every act, but media morality police think this is not the case. I think a lot of people– and this was 100% exacerbated during covid shutdowns imo– have started to see media consumption as a form of morality and feel as though your enjoyment of something is a perfect spreadsheet of who you are as a person.  I mean, there have always been people like this, but it’s gotten worse and significantly more annoying in recent years.  I think the death of media literacy is also contributing heavily here because there being a lack of critical thinking associated with media consumption has so many people painting everything in a purely black and white context. Like this is good, this is bad, there is no middle ground in which people can consume this or appreciate that without it being a moral violation.  Which is… increasingly concerning lol.   

All media has problematic elements somewhere/somehow, and basically all characters do as well.  However, very few have the director jerking off and going “i’m SOOOOO smart for comparing him to trump omfg” and constantly shoving shoehorned political and social commentary into the script the way Kripke does (ask me how I felt about the transphobia ‘commentary’ this season and I will write you a thesis paper about how bad, ineffective, and mostly insulting to trans viewers it was). He’s so fired up to make the two a mirror image that even Antony Starr has said he’s sometimes checking Kripke and telling him that taking it too far reduces the character to one or two dimensional at best unless the comparisons directly relate to the narrative of the character.   The allegories have been effective in keeping people (for the most part) from viewing Homelander as a hero, but it’s also created a lot of senseless vitriol for people who actually do enjoy the character whether strictly because of the character himself or because they’re simping (I do both 😂).

So uh… that’s my extremely long two-cents. Hopefully it makes sense as I’m a little sleep deprived at the moment and just got out of a two hour long lecture lol

[kendrixtermina]

Tentatively Trying To give Doctor Who a Chance again

For the record: I was a long-term fan of the show, but new & classic, until Chibnall's total ineptitutde at character writing made me ragequit forever halfway through his era. I was honestly planning to never watch again cause I felt like even if it got good again what i liked about the show was gone forever & it would forever be tainted by all these bits I hat.

What got me back was Ncuti Gatwa looking genuinely passionate in those gifsets & hearing that he was a longtime fan, which gave me a sense that this is again made by ppl who care about it & get it, which is not a feeling I've ever had since Chibnall took over. I was wanting it to be good, but at the end of series 11 I just found myself just... not excited for the next episode or season, whereas through the last 2 showrunners, though they had their flsws I could never watch the next ep quick enough. They weren't perfect, like, for example, RTD used too many reset buttons and Moffat too many repetitive gimmicks, but they always really sold me on at least the broad strokes of their concept & character, and then that was just... extremly absent. Tropes at best and nondestinct planks of wood at worst. There just wasn't a single real consistent character.

And then on top of that we got the timeless child bullshit that destroyed everything I liked about the Doctor's character.

We've had bad & wonky episodes before but never, I think, a head writer who fundamentally doesn't GET the MC or the science fiction genre.

So even now I'm only giving this a chance with great reluctance.

Expect a series of posts on the actual episodes.

I assume Donna is getting "fixed". Normally I'm quite the tragedy buff & don't like "fixing" canon unhappy endings, but, like with Rebuild of Evangelion, I am willing to accept it here because it's the same writer doing it so it won't contradict the theme, and because it's been so long, we've all had to live with the Bad End being the de the facto status quo, so it feels earned rather than cheap. Plus, many years passed in-universe for both Donna and the Doctor. The weight is still there, even if it's lessened. If both RTD himself and hardcore Donna fans are OK with it, who am I to say it's wrong.

[calmlyy-chaotiic]

Hello ockins/fictionkins

i need advice

(tw for mentions of fictional abuse, violence, and related trauma)

I'm trying to figure out if I'm an ockin or not, and I could use some input. This is gonna be a long post so check under the cut for the info.

So, the oc in question is Leona. She was originally created back when I was a teenager (a few years ago). She was made as an avatar/player character for the game Pokémon: Legends Arceus. At the start, she was basically just me, but cooler. Typical sona type thing. Fast forward a few months, and I start changing her story, eventually creating this whole dark au of the game and giving her a bunch of trauma and all that jazz.

I got... VERY attached to her, very quickly. Thinking about her all the time, coming up with new details, rambling about her. More characters joined her story, and she formed bonds with them.

I'm starting to realize that she might be a kintype of mine.

Since I've been writing her, I've gotten moments where it feels like I AM her. I know what she feels, how she views the other ocs in her story, how she reacts to her trauma, and I sort of... share those feelings. I'm terrible at explaining things, but it's more than just "getting to know the character" like I've seen other writers talk about.

As she's gotten attached to her friends and her family, so have I. It's like I see them as MY family, and not just because they're my ocs.

For example: there's a character named Ricochet that was originally going to be her best friend. Purely platonic. I was in one of my "Leona moods" where I was thinking like her, feeling like her, etc. That's when I started wondering if there were any romantic feelings towards Ricochet, and BAM. I could SEE her face, picture her voice and her laugh, and it felt like I was genuinely in love. However, I only feel like this when I "am" Leona.

It probably sounds stupid/weird, but I don't know how else to explain it.

Another thing that I think about a lot is this one time my mom was jokingly asking me questions and talking to me like I WAS Leona, and calling me Leona, and I got this HUGE dose of euphoria. I don't really get species euphoria, and normally I'd dislike being referred to by a feminine name, but it felt RIGHT

Now, onto the problems with her being a kintype.

Leona is a violent person who does bad violent things.

She has violent urges.

When I "am" her, I sort of get them too. It's a lot like what I imagine some predator therians deal with, like wanting to bite people or hunt things? (I'm a canine therian, but I've never gotten urges like these for any kintypes before Leona)

Also, Leona has a lot of trauma and mental problems (namely familial abuse and ptsd) that I don't have, and I feel like by "being" her I'm disrespecting people who actually struggle with those things

Another thing I feel like is weird is that she is a cis woman, and a lesbian, and I am neither of those things?? I'm a genderqueer guy, I prefer masc terms, and I'm omni, so??

Finally, outside of when I'm getting "shifts" for her (if that's even what these are), I don't act like her at all. We still have some similarities left over from her being a past sona of mine, but otherwise there's nothing.

So, ockins!! Fictionkins!! What're your opinion? Is it plausible that I'm an ockin? Do I just have something deeply wrong with me??

[ludiharambasha]

Here are my two cents on the Full Moon episode.

I hate Stolitz as a ship, and as much as I was dumbfounded when I first saw this episode, I actually... don't hate how the conflict between Stolas and Blitz turned out?

I've seen many people criticize this episode because the show is victimising Stolas (which is true), but...how the whole thing played out is very realistic and in tune with Solas' character. I know that Viv did not intend Stolas to come off as selfish in this scene, but she still kept Stolas' previous characterization intact (although I would argue to a very different effect from what she had in mind).

He always was incredibly selfish and self-centered, and unable to to truly self-reflect. In Ozzie's he also was completely unaware about what it is that hurt Blitz; he cowered before everyone and refused to hold Blitz's hand when the whole club turned on them. It was confirmation to Blitz that he was right to believe he's just a boytoy for Stolas to have fun with behind closed doors, but to deny affiliation in public because of their respective class. But Stolas, right before Blitzo flips him off, asks Blitzo whether he would like for them to do typical couple things, as if he didn't just confirm (from Blitz's POV) that they are not an item, and that Stolas does not intend to change his ways or treat him differently. Everything he says to Stolas is but a continuation (a take 2 if you will) of the Ozzie's conflict. And it is very in character for Stolas to superficially understand that their relationship is transactional and exploitative and that he ought to let Blitz go, only to make everything about HIS feelings and to try to shift their rs according to his whims and not what is actually best for Blitz. He is being very manipulative, as per usual. The rest of s2 felt like tonal and thematic whiplash, with Stolas' background and character being recontextualised in a way that did not make sense when we regard s1. But not this episode-we see Stolas' manipulative nature once again on full display.

"I want you to stay with me because you want to--only if you want to" is what he concludes his romantic speech with- I find it incredibly interesting. Had Stolas truly understood that what he was doing was wrong or fake or bad for Blitz because of the position it put Blitzo into, he never would have said that, or reacted the way he did to Blitz's response. When you understand, as he claims he does, how awful it is to be "tethered to someone in such an unfair way," you don't have to state the sentence "I want you to stay if you want to". It is redundant when taken literally - if Blitz is not obligated to him anymore, then Blitz staying is predicated on him wanting to do so. It goes against conventions of dialogie in fiction; things are not to be restated or reiterated but for aesthetic purposes (emulating natural speech) or because the statement pragmatically holds a different meaning. There is no logical need to utter that sentence, yet Stolas does it anyway, because it is meant to be taken as an implicit request - "stay with me". It may seem on the surface as if he is considering Blitz's feelings on the matter and giving him a choice, but he really isn't - he is actually imposing himself on Blitz again, hence his subsequent reaction when Blitz demonstrates that he feels Stolas can't be earnest.

And in a way he really isn't earnest- to Stolas it's my way or the highway - no compromise. Why not explain himself when he sees Blitz doesn't think he genuinely means it? And it is realistic that he doesn't when his feelings are hurt in this way. Realistic, but cruel, childish and manipulative. "I have my answer- you needn't say anything," is exactly the way a scorned lover would respond. It is shifting the blame onto Blitz for not understanding something "obvious"; this is something people say when they want the other person to feel guilty. Why would someone who wants to make a clean slate say and do that?

Because that was obviously not what Stolas was hoping for - he was not really ready to be rejected and confronted. He was in fact, not ready to see that Blitz does not love him. His delusions are finally shattered - and his first instinct is to shift the blame and become defensive and avoidant instead of truly coming to terms with the choice he gave Blitz. Because he was only giving Blitz a choice because he was assured, or at least hoped, that Blitz's choice would align with his.

And while I think Viv is unable to truly grasp the class conflict (as she proved in HH) and implicature of Stolitz, she often stumbles when writing Stolas, but not Blitz (and this is I think because of Brandon or Adam being on the team). Blitz consistently lands and is characterized really well when it comes to their dynamic - and it is his reaction and final confrontation with Stolas that makes this scene so compelling - he calls Stoals out on exactly what he is and lays the nature of their conflict bare. Blitz understands everything and is the one carrying the weight of this scene. Yet, Stolas is surpisingly compelling in this scene also - his s1 nature shone in this episode.

I know they are going to be endgame, but I am going to celebrate the fact that finally someone on the writing team decided to at least address the conflict from the s1 finale.

[trashogram]

No cause like apology your makes me so mad cause in a different universe where episode 8 was written well and wasn't a Stolas sob feast entirely I wouldn't loved to see this pretty dynamic between Stolas and Blitz. See, I see them at the party having their talk or even when Blitz when to go see Stolas as them finally being on some type of equal grounding. Stolas is treating Blitz like a normal fucking being for once (as much as he can), and him and Blitz are actually having more than what seems like a one sided conversation they always have

God like, I began crying out of fucking anger at how this show was written. This show could've made people feel bad for Stolas while also not liking him, this show could've done the same for Blitz, they could've actually made them equally horrible for each other and actually learn to become normal before getting into a proper relationship, while it not being the main plot of the show. When Stolas was talking to Blitz drunk at the Blitz hate party of whatever, for the first time, that to me felt like he was genuine treating Blitz as a fucking human and talking to him as if he's just a friend he's having a small falling out with. It actually hurts me so much how much is missed out with these two

IK people mainly on the critical side of Vivziepop stuff doesn't see Blitz and Stolas as characters who should've been together at all, or completely hate Stolas (not saying neither or those are not valid either), but the fucking missed potential, the actual arc these two could've gone through, if it wasn't for Vivzie's STUPID writing and just wanting the two queer men to rub their dicks together cause she loves seeing it soooo much

I've never been on your blog before so hope you don't mind me just dropping this here I just need to say my thoughts!!!!

No worries! It’s ok to vent here :)

I understand your perspective on how their relationship could’ve been built up into something worth enjoying. I think a lot of ppl write it off as only being a crackship at best because of the power imbalance and so many need to feel as if the only relationships worth enjoying in fiction are healthy — but I wouldn’t mind it if Stolitz was a thing made genuine if the relationship was built up.

As it stands, we still don’t know what these two characters see in each other that proves that they have sincere feelings for each other outside of lust, delusion, and clear annoyance. Idk how anybody finds that appealing. What does Stolas like about Blitzø? Can anyone name one thing that isn’t tied to sex? What does Blitzø like about Stolas outside of sex? Nothing, as far as we know.

[anonzentimes]

fair warning I'm just personally rambling but my love for demon slayer, especially Tanjiro, has been reignited because i finally got around to watching season 3 and I'm genuinely so happy about it. I took a really long time to watch it since I planned to watch it with somebody that I had watched season 2 with, but then they left my life so I took a bit to get over the association and it got knocked down my watch list a little. Then I just got really busy and distracted with other stuff HAHA!! I've never really expressed my love I have for demon slayer because I'm not in the fandom, although I'm also not really in the fandom for the Disney animated movies I enjoy as well and still state it, but since demon slayer has potential spoilers I just never mentioned it at all lol.

Tanjiro was the main first fictional character I really hyper fixated on, Nagito was the second! My hyper fixation with Nagito was strong enough that it persisted through all of my years of shame, guilt, and embarrassment over my interests even though I felt bad about enjoying him. Even then that love that's so strong was temporarily, for a lack of words, repressed. So everything that wasn't that powerful, Basically everything other than Nagito and special interests from when I was a toddler, kind of got pushed to the sidelines which makes me sad.

Which is why I'm SO happy that I feel the same way I did again without all that shame and embarrassment, I don't care anymore and am embracing myself more than ever again. I wish for everyone to be able to embrace themselves, unlearn shame, and be as comfortable in their own skin!!!

[sallytwo]

can i ask why you didn't like all the light we cannot see? i've never read it but would like to hear your thoughts!

okay the pdf of that book was randomly saved on my phone and i only read it since i had no other books downloaded. so i had no clue what it was going into reading it and i didn’t even WANT to read it i was just bored. for context.

the prose was beautiful and i really enjoyed the short chapters but i spent the entire book waiting for it to come together and it just didn’t! it’s a WW2 book but it doesn’t have anything particularly interesting to say about war, both of the characters were disconnected from the war itself and so it didn’t even feel like a war novel. there was also a plot about magic diamond? which seemed weird to have in a historic fiction book about WORLD WAR TWO. like genuinely the book was pleasant enough it’s not horribly bad it was just felt like it had nothing to say and spent a lot of time meandering.

also after i got back i looked it up and apparently it’s super famous and everyone says it’s one of the best WW2 books ever. which i don’t understand. it just felt a little spineless like someone wanted to write a feel good war book but didn’t have anything really to say about that. i had also just finished catch 22 and slaughterhouse five, both insanely good anti-war books that are so horrific and interesting that this one was just like. meh.

[endlessame]

higurashi ch3 tatarigoroshi thoughts

Yesterday i finally finished Higurashi's third chapter, "Curse Killing/Tatarigoroshi".

I have lots of thoughts about this chapter. So let me put them all in this post.

Obviously, spoilers ahead!

Let's begin by coming clear. I figured that Tatarigoroshi was gonna be a Satoko revolving chapter... and I wasn't super into it. Not that I dislike Satoko, obviously! But at first, it seemed to me like a chapter around her wasn't gonna be as interesting as one revolving around the Sonozakis or Rika. I was proven SO wrong SO fast.

The silly atmosphere of the beginning of this chapter was one of the best, but when we got to THIS part?

This trope is one that always gets to me. The trope of "seeing the ghost of someone in someone else" always gets me so emotional, specially in fraternal contexts. This chapter gave so much depth to Satoko's character... the whole Nii-nii part sealed the deal. I was crying.

Seeing Keiichi in a light that wasn't just "silly mc burdened with the horrors" was also really nice. His role in this whole chapter was amazing, honestly. He felt really genuine and human with his reactions.

As I said, the silliness was peak this chapter. Not really fond of the Coach though, he's a weirdo in a lot of ways that I dislike.

But enough of the silliness, because like every Higurashi chapter... those fun days had to end.

The whole deal with Satoko's uncle was devastating to read. It really drove home the point of Ryukishi's line of work, because this depiction of abuse and reaction to it is so harrowingly realistic that I, who don't really sob much with fiction, I usually just shed a tear or two quietly... was sobbing on this part. Like, a whole lot. When Satoko said that line? I couldn't hold back the tears.

Then you see Keiichi's reactions, and you're with him. Like, how are you NOT gonna be? You want to act as soon as possible, obviously... but everyone's telling that's not possible. You act, and you might screw everything up.

So when you get to Satoko's breakdown in class... it was one of the most terrifyingly real things I've ever read. Satoko's reaction to contact... it broke my heart. I was devastated for her.

Which was a great way to make me, and I'm sure that a lot of people as well, get on board with Keiichi's plan.

From here, we get a really interesting insight in Keiichi's/the killer mind. It's creepy in a way Higurashi never really showed us before, which I think it worked great. Keiichi's plan and murder scene were written in a way that made me go the whole time "something's gonna go really bad, isn't it?" Sure, Takano's apparition was bad enough as it was, but I was pretty sure she was gonna end up... well, like every other chapter.

But aside from that... everything started going badly. It was terrifying to read and imagine myself in Keiichi's shoes. A new you is going around. You killed someone, right? He's still alive. There's proof that you killed him. Yet, there he stands. You feel like you're going crazy, because you probably are, right?? But no. Satoshi's bat is gone. You really did do it.

But there's no body. You confess to someone you believed you could trust, but at the end... he doesn't believe you. You go to save the reason behind this entire murder... and she calls you a murderer. She tries to kill you.

And then, they're all gone. Just like that, a curse killing.

This chapter's ending rounded up perfectly. Everything, everything kept going up, and up... until it burst in this chapter, where no one was left alive, except for Keiichi.

And well, something I noticed... was that even now, Satoko's uncle didn't figure as dead on the credits. He's just... gone.

So now, let's jump into a fun part: theories! I'm really self-conscious of talking about theories, because I'm always afraid of messing something up badly, but whatever. I think it's better to push myself.

What happened? The difficulty of this chapter was said to be impossible, and it truly seems like it. Now, this may be the little Ushiromiya Battler inside of my mind, but I believe there has to be some human explanation to all this, right? Like... I was one of the people who, although believing in the magic of Umineko, still liked to try to unveil the mysteries. I want to fight the witch that's presenting me these challenges, so... what are my thoughts?

The most worrying part is the whole Two Keiichis Situation. At first, I believed that everyone knew that Keiichi murdered her uncle, so lied in order to protect him in case someone (Ooishi) saw the body. But then, the uncle turned out to be alive, because Satoko really didn't seem to be lying...

Could this whole thing be just... a delusion from Keiichi? The whole "murdering with a curse" thing just seems unlogical. Yet again, there's nothing impossible in Hinamizawa...

My best theory right now is that everything we see since Keiichi decides to murder until the great Hinamizawa Disaster... is in some way or form, a lie. I don't know why, but that's my biggest bet. Probably wrong, but oh well.

Also, who murdered Rika? That's another thing to be asking.

To end things, I also noticed how in the Review, they mention the next chapter to be Meakashi, and part of the Answers Arcs. Yet... the next chapter is Himatsubushi. That... really peaked my interest.

I can't wait to continue reading.

I saw a lot of people be excited watching someone reading Higurashi for the first time, so... feel free to send asks or whatever! I love to engage with people as I read. And thanks for reading this far, of course!

Let's see... what this mysterious chapter... this Final Mystery... wants me to think.