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kxlebcross · 4 years ago

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[ odd numbers, onegaishimasu! 🐱 ]

i cant believe u once again made me google what odd numbers are XD

1: 6 of the songs you listen to most?

bring me the horizon - 1x1 ( ft. nova twins ) ashnikko - cry ( ft. grimes ) machine gun kelly - misery business lexie liu - like a mercedes gazelle twin - unflesh bloo, nafla - nae tat

3: Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“for a time he just stood there in the pantry, wondering how long it would take before berger came to join him” ( david lagercrantz: the girl in the spider’s web )

5: What does your latest text message from someone else say?

"boop :3″

7: What’s your strangest talent?

my what, excuse me XD no idea tbh

9: Ever had a poem or song written about you?

lmfaoooo no, absolutely not

11: Do you have any strange phobias?

not really, just the usual fear of spiders XD

13: What’s your religion?

im an atheist, considering apostasy

15: Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

behind, pls never put me in front of one thanx <3

17: What was the last lie you told?

“i’m fine really”

19: What does your URL mean?

its bring me the horizons newest albums title jdhfkgjkd without the survival horror part

21: Who is your celebrity crush?

colson baker hdfkjg and no im not taking any criticism on it thank u

23: How do you vent your anger?

i dont, i just listen to angry music until it passes

25: Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

neither, pls never call me just shoot a text my way

27: What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

i really hate little children crying; and love when cats make that lil prrrr noise when u wake them up

29: Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

i actually saw a ghost once, lolz. and i guess aliens r fine? i mean theres no way were alone in the universe right?

31: Smell the air. What do you smell?

vanilla cigarette smoke XD back on my bad habits baby

33: Choose: East Coast or West Coast?

no idea, first i should see both XD sorry im an european

35: To you, what is the meaning of life?

ugh lets not get this existential shall we? never thought about it tbh, let me just live a life from one day to another without searching for a meaning

37: Do you believe in luck?

yea, if that wouldnt exist i wouldve probably lost my license ages ago XD

39: What time is it?

11:14pm

41: What was the last book you read?

wang xiaobo’s love in revolution, for one of my classes

43: Do you have any nicknames?

actually, no

45: What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

all my joints r fucked up baby <3 im a walking injury

47: Do you have any obsessions right now?

bring me the horizon’s new album, and that movie, ‘the hater’

49: Ever had a rumour spread about you?

oooh boy absolutely... not gonna elaborate tho as it involves some potentially triggering topics - but dont worry, i didnt do shit, it was just a rumor started by someone who couldnt make their peace with the fact that i wasnt in love with them :’)

51: Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

yeah, i believe in ‘forgive but never forget’ - except that the forgiveness part rarely ever works tbh

53: Do you save money or spend it?

usually spend, but i can save up when necessary

55: Love or lust?

can i have both?

57: How many relationships have you had?

three and every single one ended badly jhdfjkg maybe im just not made for that stuff

59: Where were you yesterday?

mostly at home, except for that 10 minutes when i went out to buy 6 energy drinks and some chocolate

61: Are you wearing socks right now?

ya, pastel pink ones with little lemons on them :)

63: What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

don’t have one, if they like me thats cool, if not then sucks for me i guess

65: Give me your top 5 favourite blogs on Tumblr.

ugh im not gonna expose that??? wtf but ur one of them <3

67: What were you doing last night at 12AM?

i was already in bed, scrolling reddit or instagram and chilling with my cat

69: Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off?

who didn’t? honestly

71: You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

fuck this job im saving the dog

73: You can only have one of these things; trust or love.

i choose trust thank u

75: What are the last four digits in your cell phone number?

3322

77: How can I win your heart?

be kind, send me cat pics and memes and buy me food and ill love u forever

79: What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

moving out from my mother <3 dont get me wrong i love her but shes a little bit too much usually

81: What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

“finally”

83: Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart.

that one line from bring me the horizon’s follow you, “cross my heart and hope to die”

85: What’s the last song you listened to?

hat trick by lexie liu

87: What is your current desktop picture?

its an art of ahri from league of legends, found it on alphacoders kjdhf

89: What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

if some people asked me how i feel about them djkfhgkjdf lmfao never ask me about my feelings thanx

91: You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

mind reading

93: You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

my whole childhood jkdfhg

95: You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

to some secluded place at the end of the world :) or iceland lol

97: Have you ever thrown up in the car?

when i was a kid XD thank god i grew out of motion sickness

99: If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say?

be gay, do crimes, eat the rich, acab, fuck the government, peace.

#answered #ty <3 #kuwentista

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chimaeracabra · 4 years ago

Text

(NSFW ahead)

Nick offered to give me the $11 I was complaining about paying if I want to get the electronic version of my diploma. I hugged him and wanted to cry. I refused the money anyway. I’m going to just add it to the things my dad should give me money for (he asked me earlier this week to take me out to lunch or dinner to celebrate finishing my thesis and getting my degree. He also said he would give me more money at the time to pay the remainder of my grad school bill). Nick said, “I want my money to be your money.” I told him that I appreciate that, but I feel badly about him spending a lot of money on me (whenever I go to see him, he takes me out to eat, or we order food that gets delivered). Actually, I shouldn’t feel badly because I drive to him almost every time we hang out (and that’s mainly because of wanting privacy talking to him and for sex. I can’t do that at home in my mom’s house). He got us Chipotle. I had a delicious veggie burrito.

Sigh. He really is so amazing to me. He bought me a coffee when I went to his apartment a few days ago to spend time with him in the morning before he went to work. And he doesn’t even drink coffee, but he knows I like it with almond milk. He said, “I made sure you can have it!” since milk and dairy are a no-no for me.

We went to his improv group in the park in Cambridge. I went with him one other time before like 2 weeks ago. The people are really friendly, and I actually participated a little bit. One of them found a random dog, who was SUCH a sweetie! And some of the people in the group were trying to find its owner. It was on leash, looked well taken care of, and she just happened to come up to one of Nick’s friends as though she were asking for help. His friend said the dog just approached him and “booped” his knee and laid its head there :3 Not long after we left, Nick got a text saying they found the owner.

I told Nathan that I feel badly about having met someone. He kept saying he thinks it’s a rebound, that we could have worked things out, etc. I told him many times that it is absolutely NOT a rebound…he asked me to respectfully unfriend his immediate family. So, I did. He also asked me to block him because he thinks there will be times when he is weak and angry and try to reach out to me. So, I blocked him. I am not going to allow myself to feel badly about him anymore. I absolutely TRIED to make that relationship work, SO hard. I communicated my needs to him from the get go. I PLEADED with Nathan to communicate better at times, and many of those times, he chose not to. So, I didn’t ruin this, he did. I’m just not going to allow myself to feel like I did something wrong when I absolutely didn’t.

Nick keeps being very, very communicative. It’s absolutely amazing. He keeps telling me not to say “sorry,” just a weird habit that I have. I guess I say it a lot over little things…very NSFW ahead…

He literally texts himself to remind himself of positions he wants to try to get me off (he showed me that because I went into a text thread of porn I like that I send to myself and he saw and wanted to know what it was. Lmfao.) I can’t get over how well versed in the female body he is. I’m going to shamelessly say that I squirted tonight. Did not know I could do that. Nathan never liked doing many of the positions that I am finding myself really enjoying with Nick. In many ways, he and I weren’t very sexually compatible, not that that’s the most important thing to me in a relationship. I liked sex with Nathan because I was still very in love and enjoyed being close. It felt good, but often I just ended up in pain afterwards and a lot of that I think was due to his size and that he really always wanted to do positions that would get me sore pretty quickly. And I communicated to him that I was having that issue and we never really resolved it. But the sexual chemistry (and emotional chemistry) I have with Nick is mind blowing. Earth. Shattering. Orgasms. Like, wtf. It’s almost like everything I had previously does not count as sex. Nick told me that one of his sexual things is giving pleasure. It wasn’t that Nathan never tried to do that for me, but he just didn’t like the positions I liked—part of it being because of a wrist injury he had which he sustained in Iraq—and didn’t like to thrust hard and fast (but would still do it during sex to try and please me because I communicated that I like that).

Nick said he feels really good about the fact that I get off repeatedly when we have sex. Like, he’s energizer bunny or something! I think we had sex seven times tonight. He’s just able to keep getting hard. He told me that he’s a very sexual person in relationships, likes giving pleasure, and is a little dominant. Those are literally all qualities I enjoy sexually, so I’m very satisfied. I didn’t think it was possible before for me to have orgasms from PIV sex. But he just does it properly and enjoys doing it!

He said I am the most orgasmic woman he’s ever been with. And that he can’t believe I used to have to use lots of lube with sex (I had to with Nathan. Don’t know why.) But with Nick, I get so wet it’s kind of embarrassing to me. But Nick said he likes it.

He asked me the other day if I feel like I’m having a sexual revelation. I sure as shit do. It’s really not just the sex though, I feel safe emotionally with him. The fact that he’s a psych nurse I think is what makes him so emotionally intelligent (not that all psych nurses are like that. Have worked with enough over the past 4 years to know this!) He listens me when I talk and is always telling me that if there is something I’m not comfortable with not to hold back telling him, something I started doing when I was with Nathan because he sometimes would just be quick to get angry and I didn’t want to deal with that. Interestingly, Nick also has PTSD (he was mugged twice in the past), but I have not seen it manifest in him (yet) the way it did with Nathan at times (short temper, blowing off conversations when something was wrong, etc.)

I was talking to Nick the other day over the weekend on video chat while I was in NY about a job interview I was going to have on the 19th (the one that didn’t turn out because I don’t have the requirements they want after all) and he said something about a drug test if I did get hired, as I had gotten high with him the previous weekend. And I paused and thought about that and started googling how long marijuana might be detectable in your urine. And then he was like, “I put that worry in your head. I’m so sorry. I hope that I didn’t fuck you over. I want to look out for you.” And that just felt really good to me. He didn’t force me to try it, I wanted to try it myself. But it was nice that he thought about that and wanted to make sure he wasn’t contributing negatively to my prospects.

Nick was texting me while I was asleep (he often works 3pm-7am shifts) about a code that was called on the unit he doesn’t like working on. The police ended up coming and he said the patient causing that code almost got one of the police officer’s guns. So, he could have been killed. He explained that he wasn’t happy with how the situation was handled, and he was upset with the way things often are where patients are just kept for their insurance to run out so the hospital can profit, and that patients don’t get the right care. The charge nurse screwed him over by not completing paperwork on a new admission, so he had to stay an extra three hours. I told him earlier yesterday that he really needs to try and transfer to another, safer hospital, and he said he has to put in his year where he currently is, which will be up around March. He also said, “Let’s get really high tomorrow and fuck like crazy” xD

I don’t get high every time we hang out, but it is actually really relaxing and fun. It makes me uninhibited, and it’s how I started having a lot of orgasms during sex, I think because of the disinhibition. Now I can have orgasms while not high because of everything Nick likes to do in terms of positions. I remember trying to get high with my friend Julie from a different program in my grad school. it never worked. Idk why. The only other time marijuana had affected me was the one time I tried edibles when I was with Nathan. But Nick has this vaporizer machine that makes water vapor from marijuana, and apparently it really concentrates the THC that way, while apparently removing some carcinogens, and that actually gets me high.

If in a few months, Nick is nothing like he is now and I’m not happy with him, I have accepted that that’s ultimately okay. Because I am a good person, I was very good to Nathan, I am good to Nick, I know that I deserve the best when it comes to a romantic partner. I do not go out of my way to hurt the people I love. And even if I end up single, I will be okay, because I am going to take care of myself, always, first and foremost. If anything, being in a relationship has REMINDED ME that BEING HAPPY BY YOURSELF FIRST, and doing the things that are going to make YOU happy, are so important, whether you’re in a romantic relationship or not! A romantic relationship is not going to fix all of your problems. I was still unhappy about feeling unsuccessful early in mine and Nathan’s relationship, until I got into my master’s program. And even throughout that, I struggled with feeling like some sort of failure, even though the entire program, I had this guy that really seemed to love me and want the best for me. So, point blank: make your-fucking-self happy, regardless of your relationship status. A boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse is only supposed to ADD TO that happiness. They should not be the sole source of your happiness, otherwise your happiness is always at the mercy of someone who can one day wake up and tell you they don’t want to be with you anymore, or whatever it is they’re gonna do that will break your heart.

#personal #love #relationships

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