#((And are you addressing Kanaya or me? I think it's Kanaya correct?

[davekat-sucks]

as someone who doesn't like Eridan I am curious as to why he is your favorite character.

Part of it is his design that really stands out from most of the other characters. Eridan is quite more fashionable than Kanaya. He at least show more emphasis on him being the respective violetblood he takes pride in, while also wearing blue, another color that is related to highblood status. As well as blue being part of a violet shade. Though if you try to tell him vviolets are blue, he will damn correct you that vviolets are vviolets. Learn your damn colors! Another is a bit of his personality. He is a douche, a tool. A violetblood who takes advantage of being high privileged and will put others down beneath him, because the hemospectrum says so. He is more racist than Equius. He is the perfect example of what a troll should be and how trolls should act. Too many fantroll OCs go for the more revolutionary against Alternia or being the "nicer" troll. But no one tries to be racist to lowbloods like a rustblood or bronze. No highblood fans themselves with their money or seen to enjoy living a luxurious lifestyle. He is the OG real deal of what it is like if someone is born under Her Imperious Condescesion's ruling. The only thing that he does have a fear that even he cannot escape as a highblood, was the pailing. Basically, he needs to fuck with someone or he dies, because Eridan did not contribute to help repopulate his race. It's already bad enough sea dwellers are rare to come by and his quadrants are empty as hell. Despite being the rich kid, Eridan craves for attention, whether be red romance or black hatred. Any one of those would be able to please him, if it meant it could comfort his ease of loneliness. The way he approaches could be seen as creepy, but at least Eridan is honest about his feelings. He doesn't dance around or lie hard to those close to him. It's that same advice of being direct that he tells to Kanaya, because she will not get Vriska's attention that way. It's also why he can't kill land dwellers. He wants to have good relationships with them. It's that same relationship that shows he his a hypocrite. The dude rants about being a sea dweller and wanting to kill all land dwellers. But he never acts on it. He only commissions people to build doomsday devices, but never makes one himself. Eridan spends most of his time on land than at sea, as Feferi points out. He has an interests in wizards, but doesn't believe in magic. That's a bit of parallel of Rose's interest to write yaoi wizard fics, but she dislikes wizards themselves because of her mother's encouragement of her hobby (though Rose was over analyzing her intentions, she did not realize Mom Lalonde did care about her well being despite Sburb going to happen). The man collects various weapons, but his main strife specibus is his rifle. We don't actually know if he uses the harpoons, spears, or other weapons he has collected in his hive. It could relate to Eridan's interest in military history and wanting to be like said general figures and dictators. But we rarely see him gather some army or actually trying to lead like one. He is all glub and no bite. It's sort of interesting that he is flawed. And of course, we cannot address about his actions in Murderstuck. You can sort of sympathize with him in some way. He lost his moirail, he has no other friends left, his home planet is destroyed, and this big bad Jack Noir is going to kill them. With Alternia gone, anything like hemospectrum or highblood lowblood status, don't mean SHIT if they have to abandon it. That means, Eridan has nothing left on himself. All of this happened as he was still a TEENAGER. The poor fish was feeling hopeless and his actions were caused by his own emotions. It's different from Gamzee, who can be seen controlled by Caliborn/Lord English or was willing to follow to help for his cause. Different from Vriska, as she wants to be seen as the big hero by raising the stakes even higher than before. I sort of wished that he could have faced Gamzee in some way during that x3 showdown combo, since their aspects are complementary towards each other. It would also be

fitting he gets revenge for Dualscar's death, by killing the descendant of the Grand Highblood. He and Vriska could have worked together one last time against the clown. Part of me also jokingly thinks Eridan would try to convince Vriska to take him to Jack in order to serve him. It's sort of a question of how exactly Eridan would get Jack Noir's attention. It is never explained how, even when Feferi and Sollux agreed they have to stop him. Would he fire his wwand to make a signal beam to get Jack to fly over? Would he asks Vriska to deliver himself to the man? No one knows, but either way, his surrender out of fear could be seen as dumb and cowardly. Sucks that he got killed by end of Act 5. But probably for the best he stayed dead, so that his character wasn't ruined from Act 6 to Pesterquest. His character not doing much as a sprite was one of the worst offenses. He really could have helped Jake about his Hope powers, but every dead troll there was shafted aside. At least let FEFPETASPRITE TALK. Don't use her as a joke, just because Hussie doesn't want to do Feferi and Nepeta's quirk in one chatlog! Then there's the half assed "redemption" joke bit from Epilogues and the ridiculous gender arc by retconning Eridan's backstory and forgetting about another character's relation with his lusus. Because WhatPumpkin don't want him to be a racist, rich creep asshole. And yet, it's why I love him. Eridan is one flawed, tragic villain. Maybe I just have a weird interests in douchebags who try so hard to be liked or acknowledged of being superior by putting others down to push their own pride, but with the way that has been set for Eridan, sort of makes sense to me that he would do all these actions. It's fucked up, but I can't blame him for being put in that kind of situation. Being a kid and growing up, it's hard and nobody understands. His life was an Ugly Story.

[theorynexus]

68 will be my second post, this morning. I wonder if it will start section 8 of the Meat Epilogue.

Oh darn it. I forgot to make a Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy/Meaning of Life reference on Meat 42. At least we’re back to a 43, and things might therefore be luckier. Maybe.    (I am very silly when it comes to superstitions regarding numbers, sometimes, even though I don’t really believe them.)

MY TIMING SENSES WERE TINGLING!!!

Hmm. Well, strategy meetings and investigations are important.  (Also:  I am again reminded of the dreadful likelihood that Terezi went with Dirk, which continues to be a disturbing thought.)

Hmm.  For some reason, I have the impression that he does indeed have a vague idea where he’s going, but he may not actually know where/how to find it, yet. That seems pretty likely.  Thus, Roxy would be partially correct. (On that note: Interesting that Jake didn’t actually come with. I thought for sure he’d have snuck aboard at the last moment, or something, as a stow-away.)

Eh, I’d say it goes a little beyond “prove a point,” but it’s also probably incomprehensible to you, right now.  I guess we’ll all have to be patient before we can more thoroughly sort through his insanity in that regard. As for Jane...   I don’t know. It might be more trouble than it’s worth to contact her.  The fact that Dirk has her as a seemingly important part of his plans suggest that it could essentially be springing a trap on yourself. I wonder how she’ll react to finding out that Dirk’s been mind controlling people and that that probably invalidates the actual results of her election, in the sense that it dramatically undermined the democratic process. (That is a really complicated issue that is somewhat entangled with real life politics, though, so I don’t want to get into a deep and proper discussion of what determines electoral legitimacy on a philosophical or political level here.)

It is a very interesting choice on Alt!Calliope’s call to focus on incestuous questions and Dave being awkward, rather than to follow tat important call.

Dirk is so twisted at this point that I’d almost not put it past him, but at the same time, why, Dave, do you have to assume that the motivations are sexual in nature?   (I mean, honestly, it could be the fact that Dirk was trying to force him to have sex with Karkat that gave him the impression that Dirk was [and he is, but maybe not to that extent] way too carnally-minded and motivated.)   Honestly, Dirk’s head is way too concerned with philosophical matters, and if anything he’s probably going to make a clone of himself to have sex with or something stupid like that, if he REALLY has to engage in some sort of tension-releasing copulation that isn’t masturbatory in the way that having sex with someone you’ve brainwashed and twisted into being your personal object of amusement is.   Therefore, I juuust can’t quite see Dirk having sex with Rose/her new robot body.  (Gosh, I hate that I feel compelled to address this.)

I honestly quite agree with Karkat, and now understand a little bit more about why our focus strayed where it did--- though it would have been nice to receive some sort of narration to indicate that.  And yes, it’s sad that Kanaya’s being put on hold, I guess. A little bit.  (Not really. I understand politicians in places of power can get quite busy, and it may not even be Jane’s decision to have her on hold... though if it is, I can most certainly affirm that that is quite rude.)

I mean... to be fair, Karkat, it’s rooted in biology.  Humans not having a Mother Grub means that the don’t have a natural means to reduce the genetic load that would be caused by related populations interbreeding and therefore dangerously duplicating genes.  Thus, it is not actually arbitrary, which I am sure you would know if you had spent a bit more time acting like the “geneticist” your troll handle suggests you happen to be (yes, I know it means to refer to his ectobiological frog wrangling/recombination; even so, the point stands).

I take it that Karkat’s dejection about the election has kept him a bit preoccupied and out of the loop, lately.

This is horrible (Karkat’s part, I mean).    Roxy’s new new outfit sounds like something I would be very interested in seeing fan art of.   A pink-looking slightly more effeminate Dave look sounds aesthetically striking (and I’m not even a fan of pink). But yeah, good on her for not giving up in frustration for people confusing them, I guess.   ***shrug***

And we return to this awkward and slightly funny subject. Considering it was not resolved last time, I guess that’s reasonable.   (Some day, maybe I’ll write a post analyzing Roxy’s trans-iness and/or how they/he seems to have been affected by those around he/them in his/their path to figuring it all out.  This sort of issue is always a bit difficult to properly tackle without raising some people’s hackles, so to speak, though, so I am not sure if I’ll end up doing it.  Regardless, it’ll have to be quite some time in the future, should I do so, after I’m at least done reading both sides of the epilogues. I’m sure Roxy’s interactions with John will have some important light to shed on the matter.)   It’s sortof nice that Dave and Roxy can joke about this without it becoming too uncomfortable (apparently) for either of them.

...   Is revealing this something they’ve discussed before now?  I mean, doing this in front of friends and family could be sortof... bad for things between them, if Karkat’s still trying to figure out how he feels about it and whether he wants to press on vs throttle back?  I mean, just calling each other boyfriends is not something either of them were comfortable with, and just because Dave is now doesn’t mean Karkat necessarily will be.   I dunno.  I feel conflicted on the matter, despite the fact that it is on the border of being cute.

Yeah, see, this is what I meant:  Awwwwkwaaard.

Yeah, it definitely did serve as a good distraction, at the very least. ~~~ Jane either not knowing or not being willing to tell (we’ll have to wait for a perspective shift to her to be certain) is no surprise.

Gah. FINALLY.  If Roxy weren’t such a Void-y ball of fun, everyone would have known this for some time, by now.  (Also: This is another reason why I am quite certain that Dirk was responsible for at least the way that John died. He didn’t want him to be a threat to him.  [I wonder, though: will Candy John potentially pose that problem, in the future, given the fact that he will likely be able to traverse the two different timelines, should he become aware of them?   Heck, this could be the reason why one had to die in the first place. Or one reason.])

This is what you get when you    A S S   U   M E. Also, Terezi would really be useful due to her Seer powers in particular.

Well. That is a useful compromise. Good on you for finally figuring something out to bridge the gap between your morals and Dirk’s amorality.  (Also, that presents interesting potential conflict in the future, insofar as there might be a point where Calliope has to decide whether to allow them to take Jade with or not.)

Has little Timmy fallen down a well?   O: <

This is funny because it’s like that one time where Jade was sleeping and Dave couldn’t get in touch with her. That time his weird fursona came up. Tightest butt in the jungle, or some stupid nonsense like that.

Dave is smarter than Dirk would give him credit for, calling him the dumbest of the Stralondes, by the way.

Not only do they need one of his ships, but it is quite reasonable to assume that they might be able to entice him to follow with them to where Dirk is going.  This is a potentially dangerous gambit, like bringing Gamzee along anywhere, but I think it could pay off in the end.  I think that, as I suggested earlier, Jake’s probably going to be the one to end up killing Dirk, in spite of all the underestimation that and horrific invective that had been directed his way.   In all honesty, this would really seem to be the direction that Jake’s been being pushed in all along, considering all the failed opportunities to interject him into a place of importance in the story.  

Considering his level of devotion and love for Dirk, now, he very strongly reminds me of that one old clown story that AH wrote... the one where the clown was never able to pull himself away from the service of his abusive, evil master. I bring that up specifically to suggest that Jake WILL succeed, however.  I believe that, counter to the example that I just cited, and contrary to all of the deterministic forces that Homestuck has seen in play, the power of Hope will be what is necessary to do the impossible.  A Page has a long, pain-filled story arc, but when it finally blossoms into the great behemoth that its seed of potential suggested it was from the very beginning, amazing things can happen. A Page of Hope is perhaps one of the most potent Classpect-endowed figures that Paradox Space could conjure up.  I have come now to see that this turn on Dirk’s part was probably planned from the beginning, as was the fact that Dirk’s abandonment of him was likely meant to be the catalyst for the eventual realization of Jake’s full potential. Obviously, this will not likely happen in the near future, much to our short-term misfortune. Dirk, if you ever see this, know your folly:  Jake English is just the force you would need to break free of the shackles of the reality you live in---   if only you believed in the him that believes in you.   Instead, your Rage will consume you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I love this dramatic comedy.

Honestly... this is great. From a writing stand-point, this is excellent. The decision to have Dirk drag Terezi along brings more significant stakes to things and drama for the future, especially with the fact that we DO know that he can be brought back to life, now, despite Dirk’s statement to the contrary. Despite all of my pathos earlier, the way this story (the story of Homestuck) is ending is actually getting me excited and washing away the scars that came from the darkest hour of the path previous.     I really like the mechanic of Dirk having reality warping powers and Alt!Calliope being able to counter them, but only in close proximity. With the speed of his ship being a factor, especially, this sets up for some really interesting potential action in the further development of the story, as well.                    That Hussie was able to so masterfully navigate these emotional waters and string me along to this point was brilliant too.    In sum:  WOW, GUYS, I’M PUMPED!!! ... But... while this would actually serve as an excellent, fully complete and enticing epilogue in and of itself, the fact remains... there is yet more. Not only in the Postscript, but in Candy.      This throws many spanners into the works, and I honestly don’t know how to feel about all that!     If this weren’t Andrew Hussie we were talking about, I would be incredibly afraid that what is to come would throw everything off and make the eventual follow-up in Homestuck^2 (which I know he’s at least directing, though he’s not quite as involved in the story as he was in Homestuck, apparently?!) potentially quite messy and of a much lesser quality than I might expect. Given this IS Andrew Hussie we are talking about, however, I actually am quite confident that eventually, it will work out splendidly, and raise his literary accomplishments to even greater heights. Though... I am filled with a bit of trepidation. That “eventually” will be so far in the future. ***laughs awkwardly*** ... Buuuuutttt there’s still more left, even on this page, so I had better get to that. ...

It is very interesting that she’s been enveloped in that blanket of space so thickly and constantly that she’s come to find it comforting. That said:  How is it possible for her to withdraw and still let narration continue, supposedly without source or accountability, as she states?   Is this meant to suggest that the passive forces of Paradox Space will naturally fill in the gap if there is no one manning the ship, so to speak?   This feels a bit unlikely, considering the lack of content for years of the characters’ lives, and Dirk’s suggestion that “God had abandoned them,” or however the heck he put it. This is all veerrry curious, indeed.  (I do like her commentary on narration. A lot.) ~~~ Woooooo!!!~    It’s really nice to finish this at--   Dangit, time, why do you have to keep ticking into the future?!       Well, even though it’s not 3:14, anymore, it’s still very nice to finish the Meat Epilogue on 02/02/2020.   :’)

[tacittherapist]

We open on a familiar scene: Rose perusing media on her laptop. Yes, she’s doing the narration thing and concurrently performing the actions described within the narration. Don’t judge her. If a certain pointy-spectacled too-much-hairspray anime blowhard can do it, so can a depressed goth nerd. Some semblance of rain pours outside: a faint cloud of cosmic dust they’re passing through pelts her windows with sawdust-sized particles. Her eyes glaze over as she goes through her old chat logs.

tacitTherapist [TT] started trolling carcinoGenetics [CG].

TT: Karkat. Let’s talk. I know you have time because I’m currently watching you sitting on a couch in the aftermath of yet another homoerotic tussle with Dave.

CG: ‘HOMOEROTIC’ YET AGAIN MEANS NOTHING HERE YOU RUSTPANNED SHITWEASEL.

TT: I’ve been thinking lately.

CG: OH, REALLY? WOW!! INCREDIBLE LALONDE, YOU MIGHT BE ONTO SOMETHING THERE.

TT: Don’t interrupt me. I’ve been thinking about our situation.

CG: WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘OUR SITUATION?’ ‘OUR SITUATION’ AS IN HOW THIS ENTIRE FUCKING STRUCTURE IS IN LITERAL AND METAPHORICAL SHAMBLES?

CG: LET’S PUT ASIDE THE NEAR CONSTANT ANTAGONIZING BY DAVE’S PREPUBESCENT THINLY-VEILED WAILS FOR HELP CLEANING UP HIS OWN OVERFLOWING SPIRITUAL WASTEPANTS AND PERHAPS ADDRESS THE FACT THAT YOU AND MARYAM HAVEN’T SPOKEN FOR OVER THE EQUIVALENT OF SEVERAL WEEKS?

CG: NOT TO MENTION TEREZI IS STILL MISSING, ALONG WITH A SMALL PORTION OF OUR EVER DWINDLING RATIONS THAT YOU POMPOUS GODTIER SHITSTAINS APPARENTLY STILL PILFER DESPITE NOT EVER NEEDING TO EAT.

CG: OH, AND THERE’S A HOMICIDAL CLOWN LOOSE IN THE VENTS. THERE’S THAT TOO.

TT: Yes, all of those things are items I considered.

CG: OH GREAT. FUCKING GREAT. LET ME GUESS, YOU’VE CONJURED ANOTHER CRACKPAN SCHEME TO SOMEHOW MAGICALLY -- SORRY, ‘MAJJJJJJYYYYKLY’ WHISK ALL OF THIS SHIT AWAY?

TT: No. Our situation is bleak, Karkat.

CG: COLOR ME FUCKING SURPRISED. OUR SITUATION IS BLEAK? HOLY SHIT LALONDE, I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS IS WHAT YOU SPENT DAYS IN ISOLATION FORMULATING IN THAT ALL-SEEING MIND OF YOURS.

TT: I do have a proposition. And if you’d be kind enough to quit hammering your clumsy sausage fingers upon that poor phone for even a second, you might even get something from this conversation.

CG: ...

TT: Ellipses wholly unnecessary Karkat. Take your fingers off the buttons.

TT: I have a plan to alleviate our circumstances. It’s risky, but better than sitting here for another few years.

TT: Yes, I know you use sweeps and I’m a totalitarian bigot for not using it here.

CG: YOU PREEMPTIVELY ADDRESSING IT DOESN’T MAKE IT LESS TRUE.

TT: Karkat. Fingers off the buttons or I magically disassemble your phone again, and this time I won’t help you reinstall the macro you use specifically to hide Dave’s long rambling text walls about the economy.

TT: Now then, I haven’t received a vision in several months. I can only presume this means the game is testing my mettle by withholding this power from me.

TT: After weighing the factors behind our predicament, I’ve ascertained that there are two latent states to our position, and the game in general.

TT: Moving and stillness. There exist no states outside of those two. Both a successful and a doomed session move; they may only take on the states of ‘successful’ and ‘doomed’ after having progressed to their ultimate conclusion, after all. A null session, by contrast, stands still. Forever locked into a state that is neither successful nor doomed.

TT: If we were to translate our position into one of these two states, we would be null. This is arguably worse than a doomed session, as demonstrated by the slow malaise gradually overtaking everyone’s moods for the past few months.

TT: Obviously we missed our target somehow. Whether by some small deviation in our course, or a slight miscalculation by Sollux, we are definitely not reunited with Jade and John, who were supposed to have crossed paths with us some months ago.

TT: So instead of sitting here, waiting for one of us to miraculously drift into the other, I propose we recalculate our trajectory.

CG: HOW. IF YOU HAVEN’T NOTICED, SOLLUX FUCKED OFF TO TRAIPSE ABOUT THE AFTERLIFE OR AFTER HALFLIFE OR WHATEVER THE FUCK KIND OF NOT DEATH NOT LIFE THING HE HAS GOING ON WITH MEGIDO. SO WE’RE A LITTLE SHORT ON TELEKINETIC POWERS TO GIVE US ANOTHER PUSH.

TT: Incredibly telling that you refer to everyone by first name when you hold more affection for them over everyone else. It’s really not subtle here, Karkat.

CG: FUCK YOU.

TT: Yes, we no longer have psychic powers at our disposals. But I’ve done some detailed calculations on our current path and where we need to be.

TT: There are a number of small cosmic bodies about to pass us. If we simply jump onto one in particular, we should be able to correct our course and meet up with the others to get our session restarted.

CG: IS THAT WHY ALL OUR NAPKINS HAD INANE CLUCKSCRATCH ON THEM?

TT: Yes, but no more inane chickenscratch than all the penises you and Dave drew on them.

CG: OBVIOUSLY YOU KNOW I CAN’T GO ALONG WITH THIS.

TT: Why not?

CG: WELL FIRST, I’M NOT ABOUT TO TRUST NAPKIN MATH. SECOND, IF THIS ISN’T A ONE HUNDRED FUCKING PERCENT CONFIRMED THEORY, I WON’T CHANCE OUR MORTAL LIVES ON A HUNCH THAT YOU GODTIER ASSHOLES FIGURED MIGHT HELP US STARVE TO DEATH EVEN FASTER.

TT: Dave has no hand in this. You’re the first person I’m telling.

CG: WAIT, WHY?

TT: Because I need you to get everyone on board. You’re still the de-facto leader.

CG: THAT’S A LOAD OF HORSESHIT AND YOU KNOW IT.

TT: Your continued denial of this simple fact is more evidence to the contrary.

CG: SO WHAT? YOU WANT ME TO SINCERELY PEDDLE THIS IDEA THAT WE JUST HOP OFF OUR HOME FOR THE PAST TWO SWEEPS BANKING ON THE HOPE THAT WE JUST MEET UP WITH EGBERT AND HARLEY?

TT: Well yes, but I was thinking you’d make it a bit more palatable to everyone else. That’s more your specialty than mine.

CG: YOU REALLY HAVE TO BE FUCKING WITH ME RIGHT NOW. ABSOLUTELY FUCKING WITH ME. THE VERBAL DIARRHEA COMING OUT OF YOUR MOUTH RIGHT NOW CANNOT BE GENUINE.

TT: We’re both typing on phones right now Karkat.

CG: YOU KNOW WHAT I FUCKING MEAN, ASSHOLE. IF YOU CAN’T EVEN CONVINCE ME THIS WILL WORK, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I CAN CONVINCE EVERYONE ELSE IT WILL? YOU’RE REALLY NOT GIVING ME THE HARD SALE HERE.

TT: I know this, but please just hear me out. Our food will run out in three weeks at most, and that’s if both Dave and I curb the hunger pangs with something else to distract us. Yes, we won’t die, but you will likely suffer more antagonizing at the hands of a Hungry Dave.

CG: NEVER. *EVER*. ****EVER****. CAPITALIZE HUNGRY BEFORE DAVE LIKE THAT EVER AGAIN.

TT: Deal. On the condition you get everyone else on board.

CG: NO DEAL. FUCK YOU AND FUCK THIS DEAL. YOUR PLAN IS A FAT LOAD OF SHIT AND I REFUSE TO EVEN CONSIDER THIS A LEGITIMATE CONVERSATION GIVEN YOU’VE BEEN HOLDING ME AT METAPHORICAL GUNPOINT THIS ENTIRE TIME. I DON’T MAKE DEALS WITH TERRORISTS, LALONDE.

TT: If you could drop the performative morality shtick Dave has been foisting on you for just a moment, what exactly could I say to change your mind? Perhaps you’ll feel differently in two weeks when we’re down to our last few loaves of alchemized bread?

CG: ...

TT: Tell me, does a large ‘JUST’ or ‘HEROIC’ sign pop up when mortals die? I’ve personally never seen it before, but I imagine of the four of your twelve original session remaining, at least one of you must have seen a non-ascended death. Do you think starvation counts as just or heroic? I mean, Dave and I are precluded because the ascension really did remove our need to eat, but maybe if we find one of your quest beds on this desolate laboratory, we might be able to spare at least one of you from eating the others in desperation.

CG: FINE. FUCKING FINE. YOU’VE TWISTED MY ARM. YES, METAPHORICALLY, SHUT THE FUCK UP. I’LL MAKE A DEAL.

TT: Good. Your terms?

CG: YOU HAVE TO GET MARYAM ON BOARD FIRST. IF YOU CAN DO THAT, I’LL TAKE CARE OF CONVINCING THE OTHERS.

tacitTherapist [TT] has stopped trolling carcinoGenetics [CG].

carcinoGenetics [CG started trolling tacitTherapist [TT].

CG: HEY. WHAT THE FUCK?

TT: My finger slipped.

CG: NO IT DID NOT YOU AGGRANDIZING FUCKHOLE.

TT: Did you just call me a ‘fuckhole’?

CG: I’M TIRED AND HUNGRY, SHUT THE FUCK UP.

CG: WHY DID YOU ABRUPTLY CLOSE THE WINDOW.

TT: I don’t know if I can convince Kanaya.

CG: WHY’S THAT? THIS IS THE PERFECT FUCKING CHANCE FOR YOU TWO TO FINALLY TALK. I THOUGHT THIS WOULD ACTUALLY BE EASY FOR YOU.

TT: It’s not that simple.

CG: OHHH WELL EXCUSE ME FOR GETTING MYSELF ENTANGLED IN THIS COMPLEX HUMAN MATING RITUAL. YOU HAVE TO FORGIVE ME IF I JUST MAKE SNIPPY REMARKS EVERY CHANCE I GET WITH CONTEXTLESS DESCRIPTORS THAT ARBITRARILY DESCRIBE YOUR GENDERS.

TT: It’s just not a good time.

CG: HOLY SHIT. YOU THINK IT’S NOT A GOOD TIME? REALLY? WELL I GUESS WE’VE ALL JUST BEEN PLAY ACTING A FOOD AND GRIST SHORTAGE FOR THE PAST FEW WEEKS. HA HA, WHAT A FUNNY AND ELABORATE PRANK WE’VE ALL BEEN PLAYING ON OURSELVES THIS ENTIRE FUCKING TIME.

TT: I mean it’s not a good time to bring this up with her. I’m still sorting out where I stand with her and how I should approach this.

CG: FOR ALL THE “”““CALCULATIONS”“““ YOU JUST PULLED ON ME JUST MOMENTS AGO, SUDDENLY YOU CAN’T NAVIGATE YOUR OWN STUPID IDIOT EMOTIONS?

CG: WOW. JUST WOW. YOU KNOW, DESPITE HER TOTALLY BONEHEADED APPROACH TO VIRTUALLY *EVERYTHING* AT LEAST JADE KNEW HOW TO TACKLE THINGS HEAD-ON. MAYBE WE DO NEED HER HERE RIGHT NOW, IN SOME TWISTED CATCH-22 MOBIUS DOUBLE REACH AROUND AS ALWAYS.

TT: I can convince Dave.

CG: SO CAN A BOTTLE OF FUCKING CIDER.

TT: I mean that as a counter offer. If I convince Dave, you convince the others.

CG: NO DEAL. NOW THE FOOT COVERING IS ON THE OTHER LEGSTUMP, EH LALONDE?

TT: You just used ‘foot’ in the same sentence as ‘legstump’.

CG: YEAH AND I’LL SHOVE MINE STRAIGHT UP YOUR POLYESTER-SWADDLED ASS IF YOU TRY ANY MORE NEGOTIATION. THIS IS MY ULTIMATUM. IF YOU REALLY BELIEVE IN THIS PLAN OF YOURS, IT HAS TO AT LEAST HOLD CONVICTION STRONGER THAN YOUR REFUSAL TO FACE YOUR OWN EMOTIONAL TURMOIL WITH MARYAM.

CG: GET KANAYA ON YOUR SIDE, OR NO DEAL. FINAL OFFER.

TT: ...

TT: Fine. I’ll see what I can do.

CG: GOOD LUCK. SINCERELY THOUGH, LET ME KNOW HOW IT GOES.

TT: Thanks. I told Dave you were talking shit just now, by the way. You should make yourself scarce unless you want an hour-long lecture about how gossip is destroying society and by extension the economy.

CG: FUCK YOU. BYE.

carcinoGenetics [CG has stopped trolling tacitTherapist [TT].

[blaperile]

Homestuck Epilogues - Meat - Page 3

Live reaction to page 3 of the Meat Epiloge beneath the Read More.

Let's see if my theory was correct that the next page will show John's first stop on his new journey... Let's see if he indeed ends up in the B2 session just prior to the events of [S] GAME OVER taking place or if there's some kind of psyche!

==>

Yessss, we're indeed following John again!

"It takes you a moment to recognize where you are, even though Rose’s instructions were very specific. A place bright and gaudy and filled with the stench of teenage ennui."

Well, that explains basically nothing. :P

"It’s your old living room on the gold battleship, where you spent three years caught up in a lot of weird, furry romantic drama while learning to unlove everything you once held sacred."

Oh man, on the Prospitian Battleship!

Well, that's indeed on LOMAX like I theorized earlier, though not the exact spot I was imagining. I was imagining it would have been on a place featuring both John and Rose, when they'd all just met up on LOMAX.

Well, alright then. In that case, the question is: when is this taking place? Is this indeed around the time of [S] GAME OVER, or is it sometime earlier?

I mean, if for some reason he had to go back all the way to the 3-year trip, "punch her in the face" could still account for Jade or Nannasprite, but I highly doubt it. :P

Then that leaves indeed my original theory... Aranea! The question is, does he need to punch her HERE, or was the battleship just an anchoring point for John now to leave and go outside to LOMAX or something?

Because if John does have to punch her here... then it seems like this will be taking place IMMEDIATELY after Aranea just got turned back to life! So just prior to when she could set all her plans into motion, well, other than having Gamzee deliver the ring to her.

Which reminds me... Gamzee will be here too then! Oh man, but if John punches Aranea in the face HERE... then Aranea will lose her concentration and lose control over Gamzee right? Which would allow him to break free far earlier than he originally did... Oh dear.

"Years that, technically speaking, never even happened, now that you think of it. You have the very retcon powers that just brought you back here to thank for that."

I was kind of confused what he meant here, but yeah, he's actually referring to his post-retcon self who never actually spent much time here. It doesn't really refer to himself of course, who did spend 3 years on that ship, with the pre-retcon version of Jade.

"You barely have time to take in the sick, nostalgic feeling that all the globes and Tangle Buddies and avant-garde mime art evokes. The fridge pops open and out roll Aranea and Gamzee. Gamzee honks and his codpiece jiggles ominously"

OH SNAP, HERE THEY ARE!!!! It's indeed this EXACT moment!

Oh boy... where is this gonna go???

I mean, if John punches Aranea, then what? What does he need to do next? Simply go find his friends, round them up, and go after Lord English?

"Aranea staggers to her feet, looking rather pleased with herself. Until she notices you and gapes in bewilderment. ARANEA: What are you doing here?!"

And here we go!!! Right then and there this version of Aranea's plan falls completely into the water.

"You make a fist, and sort of flinch and look away when you do it. No matter how many years you’ve spent living on a planet with absolute gender parity, this feels wrong. Still, you hit Aranea pretty fucking hard, underestimating your own strength just as badly as you did the last time you clobbered a hapless Serket. She goes flying back, hits the couch, and KOs instantly into a pile of Smuppets."

I love how this description makes it perfectly clear just what a normal Homestuck panel would be portraying right here. As in, the often reused image of someone punching someone else in the face, sending them sliding (Kanaya with Vriska, Vriska with Andrew, John with Vriska...)

"You then take her wrist in your hand, slide the ring off her finger"

WHOA HOLD THE FUCK ON THERE.

John's REMOVING the Ring of Life from Aranea... this means we're instantly going to get an answer to the million dollar question everyone's been asking for a long time: what happens if the Ring of Life is removed from a person who was revived from the dead?

It was made deliberately unclear in the Game Over timeline whether removing the Ring of Life from Aranea would have sufficed for The Condesce to kill Aranea or not.

And we've never known if technically Calliope could be capable of removing the ring and staying alive.

So that's something we're probably gonna find out right now!!!

Also, I have a feeling that by the time John turns around to address Gamzee, the clown's already gone running.

Next question to ask by the way: what will John do with the Ring of Life???? It's not gonna be used for Aranea NOR for Calliope this time around, so who will it belong to now? Did Rose have a plan for that?

"> Isn’t there something you’re forgetting?"

GAMZEE FUCKING MAKARA. DON'T TURN YOUR BACK ON HIM.

"Gamzee stares up at you with his horrible, limpid eyes. There’s something serene, sinister, and sensual all at once about the look he’s laying on you"

Phew, he hasn't gone running yet!

But... huh? So he hasn't snapped out of the mindcontrol yet?

Also, yeah, I can imagine exactly what look he's making right now, the one he continuously made while under mind control.

"Do everyone a favor and put an end to his preposterous narrative relevance."

UUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHMMMMM

Jooooooohn

You're not going to do what I think you're gonna do, right? This is going to fail spectacularly, right?

"You wisely decide that this clown will lend nothing valuable to the narrative whatsoever if he is allowed to remain outside of your childhood refrigerator."

Pffff, okay. So he decided to do the same thing that Vriska did to him in the post-retcon timeline.

"He goes easily, issuing only a pair of weak honks in protest. You slam the fridge shut and resolve to never think about Gamzee Makara again."

...Really? That's gonna be the last of him?

I...I'm not even sure. They kind of did that exact thing in the post-retcon timeline, but the question is if that's gonna work this time. :P

"> Zap to the next plot point."

Wait whaaaaat? So John's not staying here in this moment?

Where the hell is he off to next? This is kind of like Terezi's retcon quest for John all over again.

Okay, I really got no clue where John's going next. But it seems like all he truly needed from this timeframe was the Ring of Life!

I do wonder if we're at some point gonna go back to this new retconned timeline however. Does John perhaps need to change some other factors about the original pre-retconned timeline?

But wow, that was the end of this page! This was a short one.

I bet that next page we'll be back to stuff happening on Earth C? Kind of like how during John's retcon quest with Terezi we also kept switching to stuff in the Dreambubbles.

I wonder if we're gonna continue with Karkat's run for presidency, or if we're gonna get a look at someone else now.

[fantroll-purgatory]

@plumb1tes

This is my Athena Troll! Hope you like her ^u^

YES with the 80′s businesswoman vibe! Love her!

FIRST: Alternia or Beforus or some type of AU?

Ok, this is a WIP AU where twelve trolls (based off of Greek Gods) play sgrub, and their planet is pretty similar to Alternia in terms of enforcing the hemospectrum and the like. This troll is based off of Athena, the goddess of wisdom and war (the tactical side of it)

Name (preferably include how you came up with it and why): Athine Pallas (Athine from the goddes’s name, Athena. Pallas is from the extra title that some address Athena, as some call her Athena Pallas.)

Hmmmm I worry that this name tips its hand a little too readily? Athena’s got a lot of epithets besides “Pallas,” many of which serve an actual function of her role as a goddess. Based on your description, I think the best ones to use for her are Atrytone, “The Unweariying,” and Promachos, “She Who Fights in Front.”

So maybe…Atryon Pachos? Also keeps her initials the same.

Age: 7 sweeps (almost 8)

Strife Specibus: shieldKind (Can be throwable, and its quite high-tech, like Captain America’s. It has retractable razors on the rim of the shield, and circles back after thrown like a boomerang.)

God I love this! As CD pointed out, Athena from borderlands has a rad shield that might be fun to use as a visual anchor!

Fetch Modus: Not really great with these, but puzzlemodus seems to fit her, as she likes solving problems.

I kinda like giving her Jade’s Pictionary Modus since Athena is a also a goddess of handicrafts.

Blood color: Teal

Symbol and meaning: It’s an astrology sign of Minerva, Athena’s roman counterpart.

Love it! It already fits tealblood sign language pretty well! I may add a line and open up the upper loop a little but I think it’s good to go!

Trolltag: adroitExarch

You’ll see below that I’ve offered suggestions to modify her ancestor’s title, but I still like this trolltag since it sets up a desire to rise above her station.

Quirk: She doesn’t use any other punctuation other than a period. It’s to show her monotone voice. (If you have any suggestions I’m glad to hear some!)

Nah, I think this works! Troll quirks don’t have to be super complicated. If you wanna add a fun one, maybe she extends her “oo” sounds into “ooo” when she’s over-excited, sort of like an owl hoot!

ex: “Whooo the fuck do yooou think yooou are?”

Special Abilities (if any):

Lusus: An owl, which is sacred to Athena. She was a mentor to Athine, and raised her without much fighting, as Athine was a pretty composed grub. However as Athine gets older, she spends less time with Owlmom, and doesn’t really listen to her advice as much due to believing she’s smart enough to not need it, becoming absorbed into studying due to wanting to be a general, like her ancestor. Owlmom loved Athine, and felt pretty sad about being ignored. She grew a bit mischievious, and would frequently cause trouble to get Athine to pay attention to her.

Personality: The first thing to describe Athine: logical to a fault. She is a pretty unemotional person, and responds to questions with the most logical answer she can think of. Athine is an ambitious person, and a go-getter. She doesn’t want to settle with being a legislacerator, even though she assumes she’d be a pretty good one. She has her sight on being the general of the emperor’s army. With her perception and intelligence, she gained a decently sized ego, though it’s much more subtle than others in her session (*cough cough* the Aphrodite troll *cough*).

I wanna MEET the Aphrodite troll!

Athine is also a pretty irritable person, but most of her frustration is directed at her lusus’s mischief, and tries not to lose her cool in front of her group if she can help it. She is a pretty professional person, and almost always reacts to situations with an apathetic demeanor. This doesn’t mean she’s emotionless, but she prefers to not have her feelings cloud her judgement on others.

God yeah she’s a Dersite.

Athine is confident in herself as a leader, and is good at ordering others to work in order to achieve a goal. She’s definitely not a personable troll, nor is she very friendly, but is able to quickly make decisions in the heat of the moment. She is very no nonsense, and has no sense of humor most of the time. While she thinks herself as a good leader, if a friend were to be harmed by her own judgement or decisions unintentionally, she would be quite remorseful and critical of herself for a long time.

Interests: She loves to play chess, and has played it since she was a grub. Athine is also pretty studious, and likes to gain knowledge that will benefit her or her group, though she doesn’t really like trivial knowledge, or information that isn’t useful to her.

Athine likes to play FLARP with the Ares troll of their session, being a pretty formidable duo (him being the one that does most of the actual fighting, and her giving him orders. This is symbolic of the fact that Ares and Athena are two sides of war; Ares is the brutal fighting, and Athena is the tactical planning.)

Honestly if I could add something? Include weaving. She’s the goddess of warfare and of handicrafts, and her weaving competition with Arachne is one of the more famous myths with which she’s associated. Also much like tactical warfare, weaving requires immense pre-planning and rapid adjustment if you mess up.

Ansestor: The Exarch. A supreme general that squashed rebellions, leaded fleets of soldiers to victory, and the Emperor’s right hand woman. Her story was a pretty well-known one, and it is from her ancestor that Athine aspired to become as brilliant as her, and wanted to become a general instead of a legislacerator. Athine greatly respects and admired her ancestor, and wishes to be just like her.

Man I like the concept but troll rules as far as we know still state that ancestor titles be eight letters long. If we go a rank above Exarch, we get Patriarch, which actually matches the correct number? Whether you wanna change it to Matriarch or not is up to you, but I like Patriarch since it lines up with Athena wanting to be on the level of her male contemporaries. As CD points out, a common feminist criticism is that Athena favors men in her stories but also like…men wrote those myths, so…

But the point stands. I especially feel like this fits her because you’d expect army generals to be purplebloods or violetbloods, both of which are apparently male-dominated castes.

Title: Thief of Mind (I think this suits her pretty well, but if you believe you found another one that suits her, I’m all ears.)

I…honestly think she might be a Space player? Tactical warfare and handicraft have a lot to do with manipulating space, and while I admit that I’m the one who included weaving, Space definitely has an association with fashion (Just look at Kanaya and Jade, the most fashionable characters in Homestuck).

Given her desire to be this flawless leader, I think Heir of Space is a fitting title? Especially since the inverse, Mage of Time, also lines up with the character you gave her.

Land: Any suggestions?

Yes! Land of Spiders and Frogs. Given the Arachne myth, I can’t imagine she’s a fan of ‘em. Also lets you design a very witchy-looking planet, which is fun since Athena is also worshiped as an aspect of the Goddess in Wicca. Go wild! Put some crystals on it! And Hoo BOY is frog breeding the perfect task for her! It’s literally all about pre-visualization and intense strategy.

Dream Planet: Derse

Yep yep. With her new classpect, that would make her Liga, sign of the Dogged. I think it suits her real well, and incorporating it into her original sign is as easy as adding just a couple lines. Let’s go to the redesign!

My redesign was pretty heavy handed, partly because of how well-designed she is in the first place. Sometimes it’s like, I could just textually give you one suggestion or go absolutely crazy with it.

So CD and I have a running theory that tealbloods are all designed after college kids of some kind. But the lady on the left doesn’t look like she goes to my college! She looks like she’s mock-interviewing me and keeps scribbling way too many notes after each of my answers and never changes expression.

She’s 7 sweeps old. She should look like a teenager. So I wanted to design the girl that might eventually grow up to be the woman on the left. And who becomes an 80′s powersuited war general? A 70s college feminist, potentially. I based the design on the right on Gloria Steinem, who was really weirdly upfront about working for the CIA because it was “liberal, nonviolent, and honorable” lol. Let’s go top to bottom!

Hair - Original is heavily edited from Sollux’s hair, of all people (I admit to being very weak when it comes to spriting hair with limited volume), while the new version is from a naphal sprite sheet. Gloria Steinem had iconically highlighted hair and I wanted to nod to that.

Eyes - whenever we talk about a “wise owl” we usually see a cartoon owl with a graduation cap, a set of comically large glasses, and a pointer. I wanted to give her glasses to make her look more owlish while keeping the downcast condescending look from the original.

Lips(/Heels) - I wanted to add a little bit of college-y rebellion to her aesthetic and felt the best way to do that was to play on the trope of “lipstick as red as the blood of her enemies.” Instead, she’s sporting a seadweller-purple lip and a matching kitten heel, to make it clear she’s gonna chew ‘em up and stomp on ‘em.

Shirt - I was listening to Death By Glamour on loop when I sprited the left side to get in the mood for those shoulders. On the right I simplified a lot. Gloria Steinem usually wore plain shirts with high-waisted pants, which was easy enough to edit from your original.

Symbol - made it a little bigger and added two internal horizontal lines to reference Liga

So that’s my very indulgent review of your troll! I hope you like some of the suggestions I made!

-TR

[bronzeflower]

Who The Fuck Writes A Ten-Page Rant?????

Chapter 11: Matesprits and Moirails

Also on ao3

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling tentacleTherapist [TT] --

CG: ROSE.

TT: And who might this be?

CG: THIS IS KARKAT. CG: DAVE GAVE ME YOUR CHUMHANDLE.

TT: And what caused you to contact me on this lovely day.

CG: DAVE TOLD ME THAT YOU WERE FREAKING OUT ABOUT KANAYA’S BIRTHDAY AND NEGLECTED TO CONTACT YOUR’S TRULY FOR ADVICE.

TT: Ah. TT: Believe me, I have everything under control.

CG: ARE YOU SURE? CG: BECAUSE DAVE WAS KIND OF WORRIED ABOUT YOU.

TT: Dave? Worried?

CG: YES.

TT: You know I jest, correct? TT: Dave is always worried, but he hides that worry under shades and a poker face.

CG: DAVE HAS THE WORST POKER FACE I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE. CG: HE’S EASIER TO READ THAN JOHN, AND THAT GUY PRACTICALLY WEARS HIS HEART ON HIS SLEEVE.

TT: I think that may be more due to the fact that you spend so much time with him rather than Dave having a horrible poker face.

CG: THAT MAY BE TRUE, BUT WE AREN’T HERE TO BLABBER ON AND GOSSIP ABOUT DAVE THIS ENTIRE TIME. CG: WE’RE HERE BECAUSE DAVE EXPRESSED THAT YOU MIGHT REQUIRE MY EXPERTISE.

TT: And what kind of expertise would that be?

CG: ROSE, YOU’VE KNOWN ME FOR HOW FUCKING LONG? CG: AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT MY EXPERTISE IS IN?

TT: I have known you for several weeks, and I still do not know.

CG: ROMANCE, ROSE. ROMANCE. CG: I AM A CERTIFIED EXPERT IN ROMANCE. CG: AND, BASED ON WHAT LITTLE DAVE TOLD ME, YOU NEED HELP GETTING A GIFT FOR KANAYA. CG: IT DOESN’T EVEN HAVE TO BE ANYTHING BIG. CG: YOU CAN LITERALLY JUST USE ME AS A SOUNDING BOARD, AND I CAN TELL YOU HOW MUCH KANAYA WOULD LOVE A CERTAIN GIFT.

TT: I… TT: I suppose I could let you offer help.

CG: I GUESS THAT’S THE BEST I’M GOING TO GET OUT OF YOU. CG: WHAT WERE YOU PLANNING TO GET HER?

TT: A handmade scarf with some crochet flowers sewed onto it. TT: In hindsight, it is rather embarrassing to say that out loud. TT: Maybe I should try doing something else.

CG: ROSE. CG: ROSE. CG: I’M GOING TO NEED YOU TO LISTEN TO ME FOR A QUICK MINUTE. CG: JUST, TAKE A MOMENT TO BREATHE. CG: IN, OUT, IN, OUT. CG: FORGET ANY AND ALL WORRIES ABOUT EVERYTHING. CG: NOW, LISTEN TO ME. CG: YOUR IDEA WAS FANTASTIC, AND I CAN’T CONCEIVABLY UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WOULD WANT TO SCRAP SUCH A GREAT IDEA. CG: FUCK THE PART OF YOUR BRAIN SAYING THAT WAS A BAD IDEA. CG: IT’S IDIOTIC AND STUPID, AND YOU SHOULD REFUSE TO LISTEN TO IT.

TT: I don’t believe it is that simple to merely turn off that part of your brain.

CG: WELL, WHY DON’T YOU LET MY WORDS SOOTH YOUR MIND AND SOUL? CG: I, KANAYA’S MOIRAIL, AND THEREFORE THE INDIVIDUAL WHO KNOWS KANAYA THE BEST, AM TELLING YOU RIGHT FUCKING NOW THAT KANAYA WILL LOVE WHATEVER GIFT YOU GIVE HER. CG: SHE WILL ALSO LOVE GETTING A HOMEMADE SCARF. CG: I HAVE NEVER MET A SINGLE PERSON MORE APPRECIATIVE OF HANDMADE THINGS THAN KANAYA. CG: I GUARANTEE SHE WILL LOVE IT WITH ALL HER HEART. CG: HAS THIS HELPED YOU AT ALL?

TT: … TT: You know what? TT: It actually has. TT: I appreciate your help, Karkat.

CG: IT WAS A PLEASURE.

TT: I apologize for asking this, but would you go to the knitting store with me? TT: I want to find the right kind of yarn to use for the scarf.

CG: SURE, I’LL GO WITH YOU. CG: WHERE DO YOU LIVE? I’LL PICK YOU UP.

Once you had successfully secured Rose’s address, you went there to pick up Rose. She got out of her place and into your car.

“Okay, so you’re going to have to tell me where the fuck we are going to go because I have never been to a single knitting store in my lifetime. Fabric stores? Sure! I can navigate anyone to any fabric store in the entire goddamn town. I can also tell them which ones are full of shit and which ones are actually decent. But, knitting stores? That is out of my jurisdiction.”

“Take a right at the next intersection, and then you go straight before taking the first left you see. There will be a parking lot with a bunch of craft stores nearby.” Rose explained.

When you get to the knitting store, you are somehow surprised at the amount of yarn in it.

There are so many kinds of yarn. Thin yarn, thick yarn, colorful yarn, scratchy yarn, soft yarn, yarn in balls, yarn in these weird oblong shapes, gradient yarn. You were pretty glad it wasn’t you who was trying to find a specific material to use to make a scarf or sweater or something because you were pretty sure that you would have absolutely no idea what to do or even where to start.

Instead, Rose wondered around the store, while you stared at various objects. Like yarn. So much yarn. Who even needs this many types of goddamn yarn.

Eventually, you got to the point where you gave up attempting to help Rose find yarn and went to a box of clearance yarn to feel the yarn and squish the yarn balls.

Rose comes up to you with various things of yarn.

“Karkat, I request your assistance. I would like to know what kind of material Kanaya would like the best.”

“I’ll try, but, like I said earlier, I only have any sort of prowess when it comes to fabrics.”

“You can tell me what colors to use for the scarf. I was thinking of using this gradient yarn for the scarf.” She hands you some yarn that is several shades of green. “Do you have any advice for what color to use for the flowers?”

“I would use lavender for the flowers.” You decide. “A lot of trolls wear the color of their quadrantmates as a way of telling everyone who they’re with. Usually, it’s the blood color, but humans only have one blood color. You do type in lavender though, and trolls have the habit of hemotyping, so, at this point, I kind of associate the color with you, and I’m sure that Kanaya does too.”

“Oh.” Rose blushed and chose out some lavender yarn. She also grabbed a few more of the green, gradient yarn. Once she bought all the yarn she wanted to buy, the two of you returned to your car.

You drive Rose back to her house, but, before she goes, she turns to you.

“Thank you, Karkat. For going to the knitting store with me.”

“It wasn’t really any big deal. I mean, I barely did anything.”

“I still appreciate it.”

Rose left, and you just drove back home.

What to do. You guess you could troll Aradia for the first time in years. It would be nice to hear from her again.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling apocalypseArisen [AA] --

CG: I CAN’T BELIEVE NEITHER OF US BOTHERED TO CONTACT EACH OTHER FOR YEARS. CG: HOW HAVE YOU BEEN DOING? CG: DAVE TELLS ME THAT YOU’VE BEEN DOING ARCHEOLOGY. CG: THAT’S PRETTY COOL. CG: OH YEAH, THIS IS KARKAT BY THE WAY. IN CASE YOU DIDN’T RECOGNIZE MY HANDLE.

AA: hello karkat! AA: its very nice to hear from you again

CG: HOLY SHIT. CG: YOU DON’T PUT ZEROS FOR O’S ANYMORE.

AA: yes it is quite the development AA: you still type in all caps

CG: AND I STILL HAVE NO VOLUME CONTROL. BIG WHOOP.

AA: the amount of swearing you do seems to have lessened as well

CG: I’LL HAVE YOU KNOW THAT I AM A MATURE ADULT WHO IS FULLY AWARE THAT ONE DOES NOT NEED TO SWEAR TO LAY DOWN AN INSULT THAT IS GUARANTEED TO BURN AT THE HIGHEST DEGREE POSSIBLE

AA: people still tell you that you swear too much dont they

CG: YEAH. CG: I’M PRETTY MUCH USED TO IT BY THIS POINT THOUGH. CG: ONCE I SAID HELL IN FRONT OF THIS LADY, AND SHE CLUTCHED AT HER CHEST LIKE I WAS LUCIFER HIMSELF. CG: I INFORMED HER THAT I WAS, IN FACT, A DEMON SENT BY SATAN HIMSELF THAT WAS THERE TO BRING CHAOS, DESTRUCTION, AND SIN UPON THE WORLD ONE CURSE WORD AT A TIME.

AA: did you really

CG: NO. CG: IN REALITY, I IGNORED HER AND WENT ON WITH THE REST OF MY LIFE.

AA: that was very mature of you

CG: YEAH, WELL. CG: I’M NOT IN MIDDLE SCHOOL ANYMORE. CG: I’VE LEARNED THAT I SHOULD CHOOSE MY BATTLES VERY CAREFULLY.

AA: that sounds fake but ok

CG: WOW, RUDE. CG: I AM TOTALLY CAPABLE OF FIGURING OUT WHAT BATTLES I SHOULD AND SHOULD NOT FIGHT. CG: FUCK YOU. CG: BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS, I AM GETTING BETTER AT IT. CG: BY THE WAY, I ALSO HEARD THAT YOU WERE DATING SOLLUX? CG: HOW’S THAT SHITHEAD TREATING YOU.

AA: speaking that sollux and i have been in a committed relationship for several years AA: really well

CG: HOLY SHIT. CG: SOLLUX COMPLETELY NEGLECTED TO TELL ME ANY OF THIS. CG: WHAT ABOUT YOUR OTHER QUADRANTS?

AA: ive only really filled the one quadrant AA: its difficult to find someone who would be willing to go out with someone who they are unable to contact for months at a time

CG: I GUESS THAT WOULD PUT A DAMPER ON THINGS.

AA: what about you AA: are you still moirails with gamzee

CG: *GOD* NO. CG: WE BROKE UP A LONG ASS TIME AGO. CG: MY MOIRAIL IS KANAYA NOW.

AA: i bet that nepeta was both disappointed and excited at that

CG: I THINK AT SOME POINT SHE RECOGNIZED THAT GAMZEE AND I WEREN’T VERY GOOD FOR EACH OTHER AND UPDATED HER SHIPPING WALL WITH THAT KNOWLEDGE, SO SHE WASN’T NEARLY AS DISAPPOINTED AS SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN HAD WE BROKEN UP WHILE OUR RELATIONSHIP WAS STILL PRETTY HEALTHY. CG: ACTUALLY, NO. CG: IT WASN’T A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP FOR EITHER GAMZEE OR ME, AND I’M GLAD WE WERE BOTH MATURE ENOUGH TO REALIZE THAT.

AA: it sounds like you have a lot of experience dealing with pale romance now AA: what about your other quadrants

CG: EMPTY. CG: NO ONE REALLY WANTS TO DATE SOMEONE WHO VACILLATES LIKE A FUCKING MADMAN TO THE POINT OF IT NOT ACTUALLY BEING VACILLATING ANYMORE. CG: IT JUST BECOMES A WEIRD SORT OF MESS OF FEELINGS THAT CAN’T REALLY BE ORGANIZED INTO THE CATEGORIES OF RED OR BLACK ANYMORE.

AA: i guess we are both in similar boats of not being able to date because of our respective circumstances

CG: YEAH. CG: … CG: YOU SOUND LIKE A VILLAIN.

AA: how so

CG: THE ENTIRE “YOU AND I ARE THE SAME” TROPE THING THAT VILLAINS IN MOVIES AND TELEVISION SHOWS DO A LOT.

AA: i suppose so AA: certainly not the worse thing to be told that i sound like AA: but karkat AA: i have something to ask you AA: youre still a self proclaimed romantic master correct

CG: YOU BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR I AM. CG: WHAT DO YOU NEED? CG: I’LL HELP YOU FREE OF CHARGE.

AA: i sorry to ask you something like this when our first time talking in a long time AA: but not many of the people that i know and talk to have any sort of knowledge about romance AA: particularly pale romance

CG: GO ON.

AA: im pale for someone

CG: NO SHIT, SHERLOCK. CG: I THINK I KNOW WHO IT IS, BUT TELL ME WHO IT IS ANYWAY.

AA: its dave AA: i dont even know if he does quadrants or anything like that AA: but i wanted to ask you if you knew how i could best ask him out

CG: ARADIA, THIS IS MY ADVICE TO YOU. CG: BE AS BLUNT AS POSSIBLE AND DON’T BEAT AROUND THE BUSH. CG: I HAVEN'T KNOWN DAVE FOR LONG, BUT WHAT I KNOW ABOUT HIM IS THAT HE’S AS OBLIVIOUS AS A BRICK FUCKING WALL.

AA: so just go for it

CG: YEAH.

AA: thanks for the advice! AA: sorry to cut this conversation short but if i have to do this while im feeling motivated to

-- apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

You figure you should probably leave both Aradia and Dave alone for a while, so you decide to spend some time reading an old romance novel that you’ve had in your collection for years.

You’ve probably read this book a thousand times, and you practically know the words by heart. It’s your favorite one because of the complex quadrant vacillation included in the story, and the romance was much better done than in most romance novels you’ve read.

It was about the main character, Epiciu Goshum, a blue blood who became flushed for a jade blood despite their moirailship with a purple blood. Meanwhile, they also struggled with their moirailship with another blue blood, a morailship that soon dissolved. With the dissolution of the morailship, Epiciu soon finds themself pale for both a yellow blood and a rust blood, feelings that they struggle with because of their status in society.

Oddly enough, it was one of the few troll romances that focused more on red romance than black romance. While there was some black romance and vacillation, the majority of the story had feelings that showcased the complex dimensions of emotions directed towards a singular individual, which might have been part of why this was your favorite story.

Anyway, in the end, Epiciu ends up with both the jade and purple blood in a polyamorous flushed relationship, which was something that sounded like a bad idea, but the sequels to the book showed that it ended up being perfectly healthy.

As for their pale interests, they ended up only becoming moirails with the yellow blood, but they did become very good friends with the rust blood, and they ended up becoming an activist for blood color equality.

While there were sequels to the book focusing more on the actual relationships the protagonist was in, something you appreciated because of the way most romance novels ended when the protagonist and the love interest got together, the first book had always been your favorite.

You get maybe a quarter way through the book before you find that someone has started trolling you.

At first, you thought it was going to be Aradia messaging you back about how asking out Dave went, but, to your surprise, it ended up being Sollux.

-- twinArmageddons [TA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

TA: KK TA: ii need two a2k you 2omethiing

CG: WHAT IS IT?

TA: ok 2o dont freak out but iim planniing on proposiing to AA

CG: WOAH, WOAH, WOAH, HOLD UP CG: YOU’RE GOING TO FUCKING PROPOSE? CG: HOW LONG HAVE THE TWO OF YOU BEEN DATING?

TA: KK ii told you not to freak out TA: but yeah iim goiing to propose TA: ii’ve programmed a viideo game about fiindiing artiifacts and 2tuff for her TA: and the fiinal level has the fo22iil2 2pelliing out that ii want two marry her

CG: THAT’S ABSOLUTELY ADORABLE, AND I’M REALLY HAPPY FOR YOU. CG: HOWEVER, AT THE SAME TIME, I’M PISSED THAT YOU DIDN’T TELL ME YOU WERE DATING HER SOONER CG: I LITERALLY LEARNED YOU WERE DATING HER TODAY FROM HER CG: AND THE ONLY REASON I TALKED TO HER WAS BECAUSE DAVE OF ALL PEOPLE KNEW HER FROM COLLEGE OR WHATEVER CG: AND I HADN’T TALKED TO HER IN FUCKING YEARS

TA: wow ii’m 2urprii2ed you only u2ed one cur2e word

CG: OKAY, WOW. CG: FUCK YOU.

TA: ii thought you in2ult2 were more creatiive than that, a22hole

CG: MY INSULTS ARE PLENTY CREATIVE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. CG: I JUST DIDN’T FEEL LIKE WASTING MY CREATIVITY ON YOU.

TA: ii’m hurt KK ii really am

CG: SUCK IT UP

TA: anyway ii need 2omeone two te2t my game out who i2n’t me two tell me iif there are any bug2 or whatever that iive overlooked

CG: I’LL NEED TO KNOW TWO THINGS BEFORE I AGREE TO THIS: HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN DATING ARADIA, AND HOW LONG WILL THE GAME TAKE TO PLAY?

TA: we’ve been datiing for a few year2 and the game wiill probably take about an hour or two dependiing on how much you take your tiime

CG: ALSO, IS THERE ANY PARTICULAR REASON THAT YOU’RE CHOOSING ME OF ALL PEOPLE TO REVIEW THE GAME?

TA: ii don’t really talk to many other people and you’re the 2uppo2ed “kiing of romance”

CG: ALRIGHT, I’LL PLAY THE GAME. CG: SEND ME THE LINK OR WHATEVER YOU NEED TO SEND ME IN ORDER TO TEST THE GAME.

TA: yeah here you go TA: (link to game) TA: tell me any problem2 you miight have

CG: WILL DO.

TA: thank2

-- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

You click on the link to the game, trusting that Sollux didn’t just send you a virus and began playing.

It was actually a pretty well-made game with Aradia shown as the sprite, and each time you found a fossil, a message box popped up talking about what a great job you did. All of the messages talked about how much Sollux loved Aradia, and it was honestly sickeningly sweet.

It really only took you an hour to play, and the final ending honestly made you tear up with how open and honest Sollux ended up being in his proposal, and you immediately messaged him the moment you finished the game.

-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA] --

CG: SHE’S GOING TO FUCKING LOVE IT. CG: SHIT, FUCK, I’M CRYING. CG: YOU BETTER INVITE ME TO THE WEDDING, ASSHOLE.

TA: 2o no bug2 found?

CG: NO, IT WAS PERFECT, AND I DIDN’T KNOW YOU COULD BE THAT SAPPY AND ROMANTIC.

TA: yeah yeah shut up there2 no need to announce iit two the world

CG: THAT’S LITERALLY WHAT MARRYING SOMEONE IS FOR, BUT OKAY.

TA: iim goiing to do a few more ediits before 2endiing iit two her but iim defiiniitely doiing iit 2oon

CG: I’M JUST SO HAPPY FOR YOU. CG: LIKE HOLY SHIT; I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED!

TA: diid you ju2t u2e a 2emiicolon

CG: I DON’T NEED YOUR JUDGEMENT FOR WHAT KIND OF PUNCTUATION I USE. CG: IT’S NOT MY FAULT THAT YOU DON’T KNOW HOW TO USE A SEMICOLON.

TA: ii know how to u2e a 2emiicolon but iim not enough of a nerd to u2e them

CG: YOU LITERALLY DESIGNED A VIDEO GAME TO PROPOSE TO YOUR GIRLFRIEND. CG: YOU ARE JUST AS MUCH OF A NERD AS I AM.

TA: yeah but ii’m a cool nerd

CG: DON’T THINK I WON’T FIGHT YOU!!!

TA: aha good luck wiith that

-- twinArmageddons [TA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

CG: HEY! CG: GET BACK HERE SO I CAN FIGHT YOU!!!

But Sollux was gone. Whatever. You didn’t really care as long of you were invited to the wedding. You would probably actually fight Sollux if he didn’t invite you because that would be a real dick move.

You may or may not be salty about the one time someone didn’t invite you to their wedding. But you wouldn’t name names.

You get back to your book, and you actually get pretty far before being trolled again. This time, it was Aradia.

-- apocalypseArisen [AA] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

AA: karkat! AA: thanks for your advice!!!

CG: ARE YOU MOIRAILS WITH DAVE NOW?

AA: yeah!!!

CG: I’M SUPER HAPPY FOR YOU!!!

AA: yeah im glad we got that sorted out AA: it took a while to iron out the details and stuff but weve basically established our moirailship AA: but yeah you were right i did have to be very blunt AA: which i should have maybe known since ive known him for longer but you know what they say AA: hindsight is twenty twenty

CG: THAT’S A REALLY WEIRD PHRASE.

AA: it is AA: i wonder where it came from AA: … AA: hindsight means thinking about things after theyve happened and twenty twenty refers to perfect eyesight AA: which in hindsight makes it pretty obvious

CG: A LITTLE BIT, YEAH.

AA: well i should get going! AA: i need to pack for the next trip im going on!

CG: GOOD LUCK! CG: I HOPE YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME.

AA: i always do! AA: ill be sure to troll you when i can

-- apocalypseArisen [AA] ceased trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

-- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

TG: holy shit karkat youll never guess what just happened

CG: I’M GOING TO GUESS THAT YOU BECAME OFFICIAL MOIRAILS WITH ARADIA.

TG: shit howd you know TG: did ara already tell you TG: you already had a sick ass convo with her

CG: I HAVE.

TG: awesome TG: well i was just here to drop the news on your fine ass TG: i mean TG: you know what TG: fuck it TG: you do have a nice ass but forget i said that TG: i was here to give you the official dave strider seal that ara and i are now rails but i guess youve already got a hold of that sweet info so im gonna ollie out of here k TG: got others to bless this information with TG: dont be stranger

CG: I WOULD NEVER DREAM OF IT.

TG: awesome cool right message you later karkat bro

-- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --

You basically spend the rest of the day reading your favorite series. Thank god for days off.

[existentialspiral]

Homestuck Classpect Musings Response

Alright, here’s a stand-alone version of response to my Homestuck Classpect Musings piece. I’ve also got a regular response version tacked onto the original, but I found it to be rather wordy, so here’s a... well, rather shorter version, although you can find the original post with the response here.

SO! It’s been a few days, and I’ve seen people responding to my little Homestuck classpect rant, and I’m feeling it to be a pretty good time to respond myself. A few of the things that have been pointed out to me through the reblog, comment, and ask functions, but all of them (except for one) may really be broken down into a few categorical statements:

A: player limitations would stop a person from becoming so broken,

B: it would be essentially impossible for someone to minmax so heavily without knowledge of SBURB/SGRUB’s internal game mechanics,

C: the levels of power described here are rather vastly above that of canon in places, and…

D: the exact nature of Skaia’s game, actually trying to charge through as a proper powergamer would likely get you killed.

Now, before I say anything else, allow me to state this: all of you are absolutely right. Each of these complaints (or comments) is completely valid, and quite likely true. However, these points may also be countered, admittedly for reasons that I didn’t put into my original post.

Firstly, to address subjects A and C: the situation described in the original post is, obviously, with any given player being, not merely at God Tier, but a fully realized hero. After all, it’s not merely Pages that have to go through hardship and challenge to gain power, their journey just so happens to be the longest. Really, just look at evidence in comic, where the entire post-Scratch team managed to hit God Tier, but had no idea what they were doing with their powers; in spite of having reached the ‘highest level’ of power, they still hadn’t hit the level cap. Meanwhile, no character in comic is actually shown as using their powers to fullest capacity (besides Lord English). Just look at John, Heir of Breath, who is (assuming the aspect does indeed parse like this) protected by both direction (the winds of fate, possibly?) and, literally, wind itself. John is shown to be able to become intangible, to simply dissolve into his aspect freely, and occasionally instinctively. Despite this, despite his ability being well displayed, John is repeatedly hit in combat, rather than simply allowing every strike to pass through him as should be possible. Whether this is because of the limits of the human mind, the limits of the human body, or even something as abstract as a mana meter, the fact remains that, despite practical invulnerability being well-within his reach, it isn’t used. Put simply, the situations I described in the original post aren’t meant to describe the average ability of a God Tier of that classpect, but rather the absolute pinnacle of it.

Next, addressing point A directly, is the matter of psychological influences upon players. Now, I’m going to use the Seer of Time here, because it’s the most well examined one, with it being pointed out that, due to seeing EVERYTHING, a Seer of Time would likely go insane, either from having to watch their friends die in doomed timelines, or due to simply having seen too much to handle. To this, I admit, the second problem is actually a significant possibility; while people so often rely on the meme of the Blind Seer, mostly because of its ironic nature, history and mythology also contains a wealth of madmen with the power of prescience, either driven insane by what they have seen, or able to see because they are mad. It would, thus, be rather appropriate for a Seer to go insane, to be made blind to their own thoughts and reason. As for the difficulties of seeing one’s friends suffer in doomed timelines, well, this one has an, admittedly weak, answer. See, it’s been shown that a player’s classpect tends to reflect the player’s history and personality, either due to Skaia knowing what classpect would be appropriate for the player ahead of time, or due to the Alpha requiring that the players be raised in such a way as to be able to fulfil their roles, no matter how poorly they act at it. Just to use a short set of examples here: Aradia grew up surrounded by ruins, exploring long forgotten tombs, and literally able to control the spirits of the dead. If Aradia wasn’t ready for her place as Maid of Time, having to watch her friends die before going back to prevent it from happening, ensuring her own death, then I have no idea how she could be made more prepared. Meanwhile, Roxy spent her formative years as an outcast, an outsider, the only human in a colony of Carapacians, who spent her time supporting herself and those around her by stealing strange and questionably-real gourds for food. Lastly, Caliborn was groomed from birth to take his place as Lord of Time, not only recognizing both how valuable inevitability is, but also learning just how much life and death are worth, having such an understanding of Time and its connection with death that, of all characters shown, he alone was able to ascend to God Tier without outside intervention. As such, it would be likely that a Seer of Time would be placed into circumstances where he'd have to understand death, being exposed to it from a young age, and thus become jaded enough to it that they could handle their powers, albeit while still likely trying to keep everyone alive.

Point B is different, because it is absolutely correct; nobody would be able to know enough about the game to plan things out properly in advance, unless they had someone with insider knowledge helping them out. While this is not unprecedented (see Doc Scratch and Grandpa Harley), it’s also mostly irrelevant, as the post was mostly just me giving a minmaxed list rather than encouraging one.

Finally, point D. Point D is… interesting, because it both is and isn’t valid. See, the it’s probably pretty true that, if a player tried to simply powerlevel to God Tier and abuse the game mechanics like that, they probably would die pretty quickly and miserably, or at least wind up dooming their session by neglecting frog breeding in favor of imp slaying. Point B is also not really applicable, though, because we actually got to see what happens if a player does try and succeed at forcing the game’s hand: Vriska. All the trolls in general neglected their actual quests and such in favor of simply rampaging across the Incipisphere, with only Tavros and Kanaya really being shown to have bothered even trying to follow their quests, and it generally left them all worse off, with them generally failing to live up to their role as heroes and, for the most part, dying. Vriska, meanwhile, was the ultimate powergamer, having entirely disregarded anything resembling story in favor of slaughtering monsters and collecting wealth, AKA the exact definition of a powergamer. However, there’s something worth remembering here: Vriska is a Thief of Light; it’s her job to steal fortune and luck, and her planet was simply littered with chests of gleaming lucre, just ripe for the taking, which means that Vriska’s entire quest probably WAS to run around killing and looting, the two things she’s really best at. So yes, it’s quite possible to win SBURB/SGRUB by powergaming, and even by speed running it, but it only really works if the game WANTS you to do so.

In conclusion: no, trying in advance to actually break Skaia’s game would likely kill you. However, if it didn’t kill you, if you actually played by the rules just barely well enough that the omniscient banhammer of doom didn’t smack your timeline, if you actually were able to minmax your class and aspect, and you actually managed to grind hard enough to reach your full theoretical potential, then there’d be no real situation a dedicated party of powergamers would actually face.

 Thanks for reading my little Homestuck think-piece. It’s actually surprising how many notes this has gotten, and it is rather fun to speculate on God Tier mechanics and such. As such, starting on Sunday the 15th, I’m going to just start doing some analysis pieces, so feel free to check them out. It was pointed out to me in my asks that, despite mentioning it in my “Perfect Team” list, I didn’t actually break down the Knight of Space, so I’m going to start with that one. After that? Well, if you can think up any interesting classpect combinations, feel free to request them and I’ll just pick whichever one looks most interesting at the moment. Thanks for reading.

[theorynexus]

Pseudo-Liveblogging: 2B

Your attempt to name John Egbert “Zoosmell Pooplord” has failed.  It was an interesting attempt, considering “Zoosmell” at least relates to the “Biologist” part of his present “ectoBiologist” chumhandle, but Pooplord doesn’t really work all that well with it.  On the other hand, at least you seem to have presciently related the joke name to his command to defecate upon his desk, and the name quite obviously relates well to that of Farmstink Buttlass, who is his (ecto-)biological sister.    On that note, I am sure you are quite aware that Dave Strider and his (ecto-)biological sister, Rose Lalonde, will both also receive failed naming attempts. These shall be much less silly and much more insulting names, Iin2ufferable Priick and Flighty Broad respectively, shall be offered to them by the trolls Sollux Captor (who I have admittedly been spoiled into knowing is actually named Solluxander [which fits quite well with his theme, due to the fact that it is not only bending the rules {DOOM}, but also an example of an integrated “11″ {beenary code/dualism}], though I still have no idea what Pesterquest [I think that’s what it’s called] even IS, and am vague and uncertain as to what the implications for this are, other than it maybe having something to do with gender identity and Shrek) and Kanaya Maryam (respectively).  The names are both rejected in spite of the fact that Rose Lalonde calls Dave an insufferable prick before Dave is given his name, and the additional fact that Dave calls Rose a flighty broad before her name is known.   This was obviously played off as a laughable result of the MSPA Reader trying to “remember” these characters names, when the opportunity to name them first comes up. That this gag is brought up again in Hivebent very briefly (in such a way as to create symbolic connections between Karkat and Dave), and that it is connected to the Honorary Placronym concept the Alpha Kids’ side of the scratch both barely need or deserve mentioning. Neither does the fact that the naming jokes/ectobiology tie-ins continue in later examples.

Your true identity is the Ghosty Trickster. You earn that identity later in life not only via your mastery of the Breeze, which allows you to potentially dissolve into pure spirit/wind and thereby avoid damage; you also earn this title by ushering in the concept of Trickster Mode into the comic, and more importantly evoking the power of the Ultimate Juju (which contains a version of yourself and each of your friends at the time, and is ambiguously related to the Trickster Sucker/Lollipop[s] [which will likely be explained/elaborated upon via the Candy epilogue]), allowing you to play cosmic pranks such as causing your arm to appear across numerous points in various timelines and continuities, as well as allowing a more adept user to teleport themself and their friends fully to any point in space/time (perhaps in any reality), and thereby to further play tricks such as antagonizing the young Caliborn such that you and said friends become trapped in said juju (powering it until it is used as a weapon against him).  ([{Caliborn DOES call him that, by the way, if anyone is forgetting--- or at least refers to his powers as “TRICKSY GHOST POWERS,” or something of the sort.}]) You are also the Heir of Breath, which is a mythological role which quite suits you, on account of the aforementioned identity. Breath is associated with the spiritual, by the way, which is likely your reason for the affinity for the paranormal. At the same time, however, it constantly feels like you are trapped-- stuck, if you will, in a manner which borders on the titular --not just in your home, and certainly not just in your room (which affords a nice view of the Breath Blue sky by means of its soon to be no-longer-confining window), but in a restrictive sort of life, filled with drudgery and inconvenient (yet friendly, in a coddling sort of way) ties with family, which contributes to the general feeling that you are bound to the earth, despite a destiny that clearly lies beyond it. Soon, that will change: you will become the first of your friend group to enter the Medium, though you will have paradoxically proven to have been there all along. You see, you have a Dream Self, which has been living on the moon of Prospit ever since you were born. In fact, paradoxically quite well before it, as well. This self is periodically exposed to the effects of the Eclipse, which allows you to dimly view visions of the future in Skaia’s clouds.  Since you are not awake, there is no chance that you could remember anything consciously, but your subconscious mind has been influenced by these cloud visions for years. As such, your interests have been somewhat tailored to your future, and foreshadow things:  particularly, the movies you are a fan of will both directly effect and reflect the events of your session in a foreshadowing and paradoxically interactive manner. Obviously, Con Air will directly lead into your skits wherein you hand a dirtied bunny to various children and pretend to unite with your beloved wife and daughter (yay, Candy timeline reflecting this with Roxy and Rose just a little bit, even if the relationship between John and Roxy supposedly doesn’t work out?).    However, others are more subtle:  Armageddon foreshadows the Reckoning, and its Deep Impact upon the Earth; Mac and Me and Little Monsters both suggest blossoming relationships (friendship or otherwise) between humans and monsters that look like Howie Mandel in weird monster makeup [with Karkat’s small horns possibly being a reference to the alien in Mac and Me, but I’m not sure]; Ghost Dad relates to Nannasprite, Ectobiological “fatherhood” over all of the Kids on John’s part, and of course Dad’s death (and post-death “haunting,” once John sees Jane’s father in the Alpha Kids’ session and/or before that, when the version that sacrificed himself for Davesprite’s sake met Vriska and then briefly saw a “Ghost Dad” in a Dream Bubble); Ghostbusters is just silly, though I guess it could maybe be a long-term reference to the eventual double deaths that start going around; otherwise, it is probably related to Slimer seeming like the ghost on John’s shirt, or just general paranormal silliness ([obviously, unleashing an evil god through a portal connecting two worlds has nothing to do with it]);  aaaannnd... I can’t remember any of the other posters for now, and won’t be skipping ahead to see them, yet, considering I am doing this in a linear and sane manner. For years and years, you have been demented by the horrific image of a Clown Missing an Arm and an Eye, an insidious result of Gamzee Makara’s manifestation of his dark ancestral chucklevoodoos, which directly contributed to the destined destruction of your universe by means of Jack Noir (Blackjack, Ace of Spades, the Joker gone wild), whose black affections were made to boil and Rage by his Bardic inspiration-- so exceeding his natural affinity for the Black Queen that he would usurp her and become the Sovereign Slayer.  By means of his Rage-inducing chucklevoodoos, you became mentally unstable, and would come to scrawl colorful images of harlequins upon your walls and posters in periodic fugues, much to your own later disappointment and shock. This would cause your Dad to embrace a hobby of collecting and gifting harlequins to his dear, sweet, adopted John in order to try to show he appreciated his twisted child and was attempting to relate to him. Throughout your childhood, you and your friends would attract the attention and ire of various other trolls, leading you to have a negative disposition toward the creators of your universe and to ironically lose much of your precious time early in the game disbelieving them or otherwise being unable to cooperate alongside the alien player group; whereas there would have been a good possibility that if they had contacted you after you had entered the game and declared they were another group of players, it would have been much more likely that you would have believed them. That might have smoothed things out significantly.  Oh well. Them’s the 8r8ks. Speaking of, you would be patronized by a spider-themed troll who was particularly excited to insert herself into your personal progression and rise to godhood.  That trolls name will remain a Sekret, at least for now.  She is a very divisive and inter8sting character. While all of these aforementioned facts have a very important influence on your life and the progression of your story, the fact that you are descendant (by way of adoption) from Colonel Sassacre and Betty Crocker will also greatly shape the environment you grow up in. As will your interest in Harry Anderson and his biography. The latter person is not very much elaborated upon in the story, though his hole punching tricks are used to inspire advances in punch card-based alchemy.  The former two, I shall address more when I reach pages relating more to them. In the meantime, I am thinking I might accelerate my schedule on reading the Candy epilogue. As I was attempting to look up the Wise Guy book so I could double check that Harry Anderson doesn’t come up as being, say, secretly the guy who, I may have slightly spoiled myself on it by seeing that there is a character named Harry Anderson Egbert, apparently, and I don’t want to expose myself to too much more potential spoiling. There are too many questions that fact generates by itself.   (My guess would have to be that, if Terezi was correct about John and Roxy not working out, either the kid is born before they break up and therefore one of them takes up the traditional Homestuck role of being single parent to the child, or alternatively, John ends up adopting them as an apparently unnamed baby, continuing the tradition of a guardian discovering a mysterious seemingly abandoned child, possibly in debris of some sort.   The former seems more likely, given the bitter taste that’s supposed to settle in after the sweet of the candy wears off.) Soooo... Yeah, I think I might do one more of these posts and then start up the other epilogue’s read.   Or just start after this. I don’t know.