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thekillingjoke-haha · 4 years ago

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Love And Marriage

Spnquotebingo @spnquotebingo

Quote: You don't save a marriage by sleeping with other people.–Lucifer

Mostly Memory: slant/bold. Quote:small/bold

"What the hell, Anthony!" She yelled scaring both brunettes in the bed she shared with him. The women who looked half her age scrambled off the bed in a rush and ran out of the room getting dressed as she ran out the tower. This time she was throwing objects at the genius screaming and swearing every word under the sun. And yes this wasn't the first time, but its sure as hell will be the last. "How could you do this to me!? Time and time again I forgive and you do it again!!" She tried taking control of her emotions, but they over took her and laid everything out on the table.

Tony slipped on his clothes yelling back and forth with his wife. It was a screaming match that all of New York could hear. "Maybe if you weren't such a controlling bitch I wouldn't need to rush into the arms of a women that would get off my back!" He yelled back and she was stunned into silence. Tony continued talking. "Ever since we been together you've been trying to change who I am and I got sick of it, but you were America's golden girl I couldn't dump you. You just couldn't take the hint ,sweetheart." He finished his intoxicated words got the better of him, but drunk words were sober thoughts and maybe this is exactly how he felt after all these years.

"I want a divorce." She said her voice shaking not wanting to cry in front of the man she loved and she thought loved her back. "What?!" He turned on his heels and stared at her the shouting didn't sober him up, but those four words did. "What did you say?" He asked as if he didn't hear her. "I'm through, Tony. I'm tired of this back and forth. You said it yourself your not willing to change your partying playboy ways so I'm through." She said as she went to get her phone to call her brother. "I want a divorce." Those were the final words uttered to him before she stopped talking to him all together taking off the ring made from the metal of his original reactor the diamond glowing the same blue that lulled her to sleep. Y/n twirled the ring in-between her fingers a nervous habit after the years.

Steve got to the tower from his apartment along with Bucky and Sam. His two friends walked into her bedroom to hear Tony shouting and pleading for her to listen to him. Steve went to his sister as his friends pulled the thrashing man out of the room and to a different part of the building so he could cool off. Tony in the end didn't calm down and was getting violent to the point they had to knock him out and by then Y/n was getting packed with the help of Steve

The suitcase was harshly zipped up as she rushed closing it. Tears flowed freely down her face as she packed all her things well all the things she bought herself. She wasn't running, running was for cowards she was escaping before she drowned herself in whatever kind of love she once had with her husband. Y/n breathed in through her nose as her body convulsed with another fit of silent sobs. Trying to calm down she wanted to get think clear. Did she really want to leave? No, but he didn't give her much of a choice. The light tan line on her finger just further proved she wasn't turning back...not this time. Not even for him. Y/n needed time to think without the threat of the end of the world and out from under her now ex's crushing ego.

She was shacking with anger and in grief it happened again and she was done with it all. Tony fucking Stark her husband, lover, best friend cheated on her again for the third time that she knew of. Y/n saw it she was always there at the wrong time almost like he wanted her to see how pleased he was with another. Steve came out of the bathroom with more hygiene products. "How are you feeling? Are you okay?" He asked for what feels like the hundredth time. Steve knew Y/n wasn't okay he could see it and the sight made him want to rip Stark a new one. With a deep inhale she looked up at him with s slight smile as real as she could make it. "I'm okay I just need to get out of here. Fresh air. New scenery if possible." She said as she looked longingly at a picture on the nightstand not noticing that her brother left with her bags while she stared off. The picture was of her fifth date with Tony after being together as boyfriend and girlfriend for two years, a light festival their first openly public date for cameras to capture them together making it official. America's Sweetheart with a Playboy billionaire...that headline alone should have been the first of many red flags.

The memory played vividly in her mind. Her eyes shined like stars as she dragged him behind her. It was still light outside and the small park was crowded. "Come on, Tones!" She said excitedly as she dragged him along. Many people looked at them and whispered, but they didn't care. They spent the night talking about any and everything it felt so natural. Y/n stared into the sky on their picnic blanket having already painted her lantern with a good amount of wet paint still on her hands. "We've been on what feels like a million dates and this seems like the perfect one to ask you. Will you marry me?" Tony said holding a black velvet box with a f/c diamond ring. "I thought you'll never ask!" She pulled him into a kiss paint covering his cheeks as lanterns where released. He kissed back hands resting on her hips. "Let's go home Mrs.Stark-Rogers." Tony said with a smile. "Well come on then Mr.Rogers-Stark." He was once again dragged away. "No no no my name first Steve will not hold that over me!" Y/n giggled as the memory faded into a much older one.

The twelve year old girl was getting her hair brushed by her mother. "Mama what's love like. I know you love daddy so what's it like?" She asked it's been two years since her father died ,but her mother always said she stilled loves him. "Love is a amazing feeling that doesn't happen often and sometimes it can hurt." The blonde women said to her daughter she couldn't tell her wanting love cost more then giving it. "Why will it hurt?" The young h/c girl asked turning around. "You're to young to know right now, but at some point you will." By the time Y/n turned fifteen she learned that loving someone can hurt after she stood next to her brother and best friend looking at the slab of stone that marked their mother's grave.

The first time it happened she was pissed, but not at the right person at the time. The second red flag.. Screams are what filled the house as Y/n threw clothes at the tramp that was in bed with her drunk husband. She was so anger, but that just hid the pain she was feeling three years for him to cheat. After shutting the half clothes harlot out on the front porch of the Malibu home she stormed back to Tony. He stayed in his boxers on the bed looking dazed he was drunk. "Why?" Is all she could ask as tears fell down her cheeks. The billionaire stood up and walked toward her he wiped her tears. "I'll change. I promise." He kissed her head. She believed him she had faith that he couldn't change for them. After all Y/n did the same she gave up being a hero along side her brother because he told her he already worries about getting home to her as Ironman no need to add the stress of not knowing if she'll get home. So she hung up her red, white, and blue catsuit for him.

After a year Y/n sat in her art studio wear she sold her and other rising artist artwork after Tony said she shouldn't paint in the tower,she painted with her brother laughing messing with colors. She was thankful she put down plastic tarp beforehand a giggle rang out when Natasha walked through the door. Without saying anything she drops a magazine on the table of brushes next to Y/n. On the cover was Tony kissing some red head though a window tears welled in her eyes as she wiped her hands he eyes not leaving the cover till it was picked up off the table. Natasha comforted her as Steve took the magazine and paced. " Am I stupid for trusting him? Thinking he would change?" She asked as the waterworks flowed. "No ,if anyone is stupid its him. Ever since he came out as Ironman he thought he was untouchable. God imma kill him!" The red head said while Steve was flexing his hand not wanting to hit any of the stored art pieces. The third red flag for all to see.

The bus rocked back and forth as she looked over at her brother sleeping next to her. They were heading to the airport and he was going to see her off before possibly killing Tony. Speaking of she looked down at her phone and saw dozens of missed calls and hundreds of unread text. She felt that the world was so much bigger after leaving, after getting away from the place that no longer felt like a home. Turning back to the window a memory came to surface as a teenage girl sat on the bus watching old Brooklyn go by. She thought life was so slow she wanted to grow up faster and experience life. Y/n wanted to find love like her parents had. "What are you thinking about doll?" She turned and in Steve's place was Bucky her adoptive big brother. "Nothing important, James." She said with a sigh as the old modeled cares turned back to modern vehicles and yellow taxi's.

Tony woke up and ran around the tower while calling and texting his wife. "Friday track Y/n' s phone. He said as he went to the lab to get in his suit. "She's as NYC airline." The irish voice answered as he stepped into the suit letting it close around him. Before the hatch could open completely he was flying out of the tower to the airport. "Any idea which flight?" He asked wanting to get there before it's to late. "No boss, but the next flight leaving is heading for U.K and boarding in fifteen minutes." Time was running out he needed ever second he could spare. "We'll make it in ten." That night Ironman flew to save whatever he had left.

Y/n held her ticket in her shaking hands her breath uneven. Steve left after the bus dropped her off they said their goodbyes not making the separation hurt any less. Her thoughts came back to Tony all the good times made her smile, but the dark clouds took them over soon after. It felt so right to be in his arms thinking about the future they had with each other within seconds that became a distant memory. What's sad is she wants to go back wondering if she held on to those moments longer they'll last forever. The ring she slipped back on her finger weighed a ton. Y/n didn't have the strength to take it off not for good at least and this made her feel weak. Pain was heavy in her heart from the constant ache, but the little voice kept saying maybe if we tried harder he would have loved us the way we love him, maybe rushing into a relationship wasn't the best idea, maybe he's happier without us ,maybe not telling him about the positive test was the best option ,maybe...maybe.

A hand resting on her stomach she wanted to laugh, but that would have brought on a fresh wave of tears. She started off the day without Tony in bed and sicker then she's been since her pre-serum years. Y/n went to the doctor completely covered form any prying eyes and the test were clear she couldn't believe it she took about ten test in her studio bathroom before heading back to the tower. Howard warned her and Steve that the serum might sterilize them, but at the time both of them were to small and sickly and she knew getting pregnant might kill her anyways so they both agreed to it. Y/n wished she could hug the man today he made her better and let her have a gift she never thought was possible. A baby was growing inside her. Tony never really talked about kids and neither did she since that wasn't a possibility before, but the moment she held five of the clearer test she wanted to rush into his arms and have him be the first to know. That quickly fell apart that evening and now she's here.

The suit landed out side the airport and Tony immediately ran out of it into the building looking through his tented shades he followed the path Friday set for him rushing through security. "Now boarding flight A145 to United Kingdom. Ahora aborda—" The intercom rang out. He was running out of time. There he saw h/c hair one of a couple dozen in line due to the oddly timed flight. "Y/N!!" Many heads turned at the shout while so gasped and whispers started. She looked at him and froze. His eyes looked bloodshot and he wore baggy sweats and a AC/DC shirt. Turning back around she tried to get on the plane quicker, but a hand grabbed her arm. "Please listen to me. I'm so so sorry! I'm a fucking moron okay? I know I just keep screwing up between us and I know you're tired of me saying I'll change, but if it means I keep you in my life I'll do damn near anything." Tony's voice shook as his eyes welled with tears people crowed to see the Starks some seemed to clued in on the subject while others were lost. "You can't fix this Tony. There's nothing to fix between us you said your piece and actions speak louder then words there is no saving this." Y/n whimpered holding her hand in her own.

"I can save us, N/n! Please just give me a chance too. You and me against the world right?" She shook her head no as she looked into his brown eyes with her glassy e/c ones. "Wrong. You just don't get it do you? You don't save a marriage by sleeping with other people. And I gave you more then enough chances to change because God I changed so much for you!! I gave up saving people, gave up painting in the tower, stopped helping Pepper with business, stopped going to briefings, and so much more. All for you and you couldn't do one thing for me." With quivering hands she gently brushed the tears from his cheeks letting her hands go from his shoulders to his hands. "I loved you, Anthony. I always will have a special place in my heart for you, but clearly the same doesn't go for you." Y/n now held one of his hands bringing his knuckles to her lips giving them a chaste kiss.

She let go of his hand as she stepped back from him many of the passengers having already boarded the plane. "Don't say goodbye." He said voice small and weak. "...don't think of this as a goodbye. We just met at the wrong time in the wrong place. Maybe I'll come back to you and just maybe we can start again from the beginning, but until then this is a see you later." She turned and went on board as he stood their feet glued the the floor. Looking down at the hand she held the ring sat in his palm she left him with a piece of his heart while she took the rest with her. What is a marriage without love

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A/n this is the second to last one before the full masterlist is posted. Fyi I wrote a happy ending and if it's really wanted I'll make a short one-shot of it but angst ending for now.

Next quote is a free space and I'm going ham!!!!

#spnquotebingo #tony stark #tony stark x reader #cheating #quote bingo #pregnant!reader #divorce #angst #no happy ending #steve rogers #Rogers!reader #bucky barnes #natasha romanoff #heart break

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pair-annoyed · 4 years ago

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Anime I Watched This Fall

My first semester of college is officially over and the December holidays are upon us! I hoped to make one of these posts sooner, but I have been incredibly busy with schoolwork. Now that things have slowed down, let’s take sometime to reflect on things I’ve watched.

These anime are listed in chronological order and encompass everything I’ve watched from 9/1/2020 - 12/15/2020

Like always, they will be rated on a 1-10 scale; 1 meaning complete garbage, 10 meaning masterpiece. I will offer my thoughts on what I did/didn’t like about each show!

1. The God of High School - 6/10

Despite the stellar animation from MAPPA and my high expectations, I was really disappointed by how this series was treated. Most of the story’s crucial elements were handled poorly. I finished this series feeling more confused about the plot than when I first began. The power system is really cool, but poorly explained. More time should have been spent on exposition and world building for this series, instead the fights were given the most screen time.

2. Doukyuusei - 7/10

I really liked the style of Doukyuusei. Granted, this was another movie I chose to watch primarily because of the hype surrounding it. The dynamic between Kusakabe and Sajou is an interesting one, and I also enjoy how the movies different acts were separated by the seasons. However, there's nothing that really sets Doukyuusei apart from other romance movies, its a little generic. Still, I enjoyed it nonetheless.

3. Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu 2nd Season - 8/10

My opinions on Re:Zero’s second season are biased. This was, by far, the sequel I was most hyped for during the summer/fall anime season. I was so happy to see the story’s continuation and I’m looking forward to the season’s second part coming sometime in January. Re:Zero is one of my all time favorite series because of the way it handles it characters and power dynamics. I also really enjoy the show’s psychological aspects. If you haven’t already, give Re:Zero a try!

4. Saint☆Oniisan (Movie + OVA) - 8/10

This was a wonderful comedy. I wasn’t sure how the subject of Jesus and Buddha living together would be tackled, but it was handled wonderfully. I was laughing for pretty much the entire movie. I love the art style and little references to both Buddhism and Christianity, plus the incorporation of Japanese culture. Saint Oniisan is a bright comedy, with two eccentric main characters. If you like a show that doesn’t take itself too seriously, and need a good laugh, I can’t recommend this more.

5. Clannad: After Story - 10/10

Never, while watching anime, did I cry as much as I did while watching Clannad: After Story. I didn’t realize how much I related to Okazaki until I saw him grow up in After Story. I was left sobbing, especially after episode 18. I still, to this day, cannot listen to the Dango song without tearing up. The original Clannad is nothing special, but the continuation of its story its something heartfelt, emotional, and down-to-earth. I love Kyoto Animation with all my heart, and Clannad made me appreciate everything the studio has done just a little bit more. Thank you Clannad, for reminding me about the kind of person I strive to be.

6. Nakitai Watashi wa Neko wo Kaburu - 5.5/10

The art in A Whisker Away��was beautiful. The story itself, however, is nothing too enjoyable. I found it difficult to like our protagonist or her love interest. Nothing about this movie is inherently memorable. The emotional climax came far too early which made the second half of the film seem long and drawn out. All in all, the movie has a wonderful concept, I just believe it could have been so much more emotional than it was. When I watch a move, I like to empathize with the characters. It’s difficult to do when the characters aren’t given the proper exposition to be empathized with.

7. Shikioriori - 6/10

This is less of a movie and more of a collection of short stories. Flavors of Youth is something you shouldn’t watch on an empty stomach, all of the food looks incredible. The same cannot beside for the rest of this feature. The stories themselves seems heavily clichéd. Much like A Whisker Away, the initial premise is intriguing, but the execution results in something that comes across as trying too hard and carries no emotional weight with the viewer. If you plan on watching, pay more attention to the artwork and animation than the actual plot. You won’t be missing anything.

8. Vinland Saga - 7/10

Vinland Saga helped me get out of the rut that Clannad: After Story. Not only does this show have a great story, its action packed with lots of interesting fights. I especially enjoyed all the Nordic history embedded within the show. Its really unlike any of the other historical anime I’ve watched. I will say, it’s gory. But, compared to all the other things I watched this time around, I finished this series the quickest. Its good, its graphic, its fast paced!

9. Mononoke Hime - 7/10

It’s ironic considering how much anime I’ve watched that I have yet to watch all of the most classic Studio Ghibli films. Princess Mononoke is grittier than most other Ghibli films I’ve seen, but it’s message is positive and its characters are wonderful. I can’t really speak ill towards classics like these. I guess maybe my one complaint is that this movie could’ve been a faster pace. Other than that... I really enjoyed everything Princess Mononoke offered! I understand why it’s so popular.

10. Howl no Ugoku Shiro - 8.5/10

Can you believe it took me this long to finally watch Howl’s Moving Castle? Me neither!! This movie is so endearingly beautiful. I loved every second of it, from the characters to the soundtrack. So many iconic things come from just this one movie. I would like to take this time to thank my best friend for reminding me that Studio Ghibli films are wonderful! Thank you for watching this with me, I loved it! All in all, I regret not watching this sooner!

11. Toradora! - 6.5/10

Toradora took me a while to finish, just because I lost interest about halfway through. But, I powered through it, and ended up really enjoying the show! I’m not the biggest fan of the ending, but that’s just a personal preference. Somehow, this show also made me cry? I’m not entirely sure why because Toradora! is probably the thing farthest from sad. Apart from the show’s dull slice of life moments, it was super cute! A much needed light-hearted romance.

12. New Initial D Movie: Legend 1 - 5/10

Full disclosure, this is the only thing related to Initial D that I’ve ever watched. My band and I watched this expecting to hear some of that iconic Initial D music, itself all we got was a mildly confusing story about different types of cars. It was cliché and frankly a little boring. Although, I am still considering watching the original Initial D just so I can hear the music in the way it was original intended. I’ve got no other opinions on this movie. It’s best not to watch these movies without the context from the rest of the franchise.

13. Uchuu Patrol Luluco - 7.5/10

I didn’t really understand why people enjoy studio Trigger so much until I watched Space Patrol Luluco. I loved all the fun references to other studio Trigger works. I loved the humor, and I loved all the bright colors. The animation was extremely high energy, and the art style fits the show’s premise. Each episode was only 12 minutes long so it was a super quick binge. If you’re looking for something quick, light-hearted and comical, this is the perfect show to watch.

14. Orange - 7/10

I owe a big thanks to a tumblr mutual for recommending this show to me! This holds the honor of making me cry by episode 3! I honestly did not expect the subject matter of this show to be as dark as it was. Usually when I see the genre ‘shoujo’ I do not associate it with a love story like that of Orange. The heavy subject matter made it a little too close to home for me, but I still really enjoyed this series. It reminds me off all the good times I had with my friends in high school, and of all the regrets I carry with myself to this day.

15. 3-gatsu no Lion - 7.5/10

March Comes in Like a Lion is another show that was a bit of a slow burn for me. Each episode left me feeling emotionally drained, so I had to take a lot of breaks while I was working on watching this series. Shaft, the studio behind this anime, holds a special place in my heart because I loved their work on the Monogatari Series. March Comes in Like a Lion is a little different. It’s driving force it is characters, and it was cathartic to watch our main character transform through the entire duration of the first season. I know the show’s second season is much better, so I’ll be starting that soon!

16. Yojouhan Shinwa Taikei - 8/10

I loved how artsy and smart The Tatami Galaxy is, but honestly I couldn’t watch too much at once cause it would hurt my head. I also couldn’t watch this show while I was tired because the speaking rate is much faster than typical anime. The Tatami Galaxy is so unique for its medium. I loved the different time loops and the crazy animation. The characters were fascinating. The dialogue, although very fast, it also fantastic. There’s an element of humor to this unique story telling, and I enjoyed ever minute of it!

Currently Watching:

Hunter x Hunter - 6.5/10 (As of Episode 30)

I pride myself in having watched a lot of shounen anime, but I was reluctant to start Hunter x Hunter for years because I thought I would find it boring. I was oh so very wrong. Considering great shows like Naruto and Fairy Tail that fall under the same category, I expected Hunter x Hunter to be subpar in comparison. It gets a low score for two reasons. One, the power system was introduced a little too late and now I’m wondering if all the fights post episode 30 will involved nen in some way, shape, or form. Two, its still on hiatus.

Two Cursed Additions For This List

Please to do not let these be representative of my anime taste.

1. Yarichin☆B*tch-bu - 4/10

I am a CLOWN for not knowing this was 18+. The only reason I watched this was to see why everyone was talking about the pink-haired boy with the glasses and tongue piecing. I know why now, and I regret it. This was a massive mistake on my part. But hey, at the least the art and ending song kinda slap?

2. Euphoria (Dropped After 1 Episode) - 2/10

If you know what I’m talking about when I say Euphoria, I am so sorry. And no, I am not talking about the HBO series. Seriously, don’t google this. Don’t watch this. Don’t interact with anything related to this. You’re probably wondering, “Then why did you watch it?” I did not watch this willingly. You see, I have a very bad habit of starting anime and then taking months to finish them. I made an ultimatum with a friend, lost, and then was forced to watch this a punishment. Not a fun experience. I’m very glad there are no GIFs of this on tumblr...

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infinitelytheheartexpands · 3 years ago

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Do you have any stories or figures, etc. (of your creation OR already existent) that you'd like to see adapted into an opera? Who'd the dream cast be and what would it look like, sound like?

I have two stories I wrote in high school that I'd love to see as operas:

For Every Spring--short story about a mother and daughter during the Reign of Terror

Madeleine: Ying Fang

The Mother: Joyce DiDonato

sparse unit set, cross between music of the time period and a quintessential French Romantic style

The Last Testament of a "Monstrous" Condemned Woman-- prison flashback story about rediscovering art, burglary, and murderous arson

The Woman: Marina Rebeka

The Investigator: Gerald Finley

not sure about who to play the smaller characters, it's set at an unspecified point in the mid-to-late 1800s, so look reflects that, sound kinda reflects that but I also envision it as Korngold/Expressionist-esque

(the full text of both stories is below. please keep in mind that these are both at least three and a half years old):

For Every Spring:

March 19, 1794, evening.

“Go on now. Do it.”

The woman’s voice filled her daughter’s ears with that simple command. The daughter was standing with a pair of scissors in one hand, staring into a mirror hung on the otherwise bare wooden wall. Her eyes brimmed with tears.

“Mama, how much more can this revolution take from me?”

Her mother could hear her daughter’s weariness and despair, and for a moment, felt pity for her, but steeled herself. “You must do it. There is nothing left for me. But perhaps you could still escape.”

“I don’t want to go without you.”

“You must. There is no way I could escape… the revolutionary leaders know me too well. But they wouldn’t recognize you if you dressed in an urchin boy’s rags and had a dirty face.” Mother glanced at her daughter’s shining blonde hair that went almost halfway down her back again and sighed. “The hair, though. In order to look like a boy, you have to cut off your hair. If they see long hair, they’d suspect you’re hiding something…” She shivered. “And they would investigate, and it wouldn’t end well for you.”

“But what if I pulled it back? Tucked it in under my hat?”

“It could fall down. And if they took your hat off and saw a bunch of pulled-back hair…”

“I know, but other than you, my hair is my one joy left.”

“It’ll grow back.”

The young woman paused. She fell into a swirl of memories: how her father had loved her long golden hair, how when she was little, he would toy with it and tell her it was more beautiful than any princess’s, and finally, how the Reign of Terror had brutally claimed him, just like it was about to claim her mother.

Her mother went on, “Your life is more important…” Knowing her daughter was still hesitant, she took the scissors out of her daughter’s hand. “Now hold up your hair so I can cut it.”

The daughter obliged, but at the same time, a single tear trickled down her pale cheek.

Snip.

The first cut, like a dagger to the heart.

Snip-snip-snip-snip-snip…

In just a few minutes, the deed was done. The girl’s long golden locks were scattered all over the bare floor.

Mother turned her around and gazed into the girl’s eyes. She slowly whispered, “You look just like Papa…”

The tears her daughter had tried to hold back burst forth in her grief, and she collapsed in the middle of the cut-off locks of hair, weeping.

“I lost Papa, and now I must lose you! Why must I lose everyone and everything that brings me any happiness?”

The woman took her daughter in her arms as outside in the streets, people cried, “Vive la révolution! Vive Robespierre!” She said, almost under her breath, “You haven’t lost your life like I will tomorrow. You can make it out of the country, and you will, I know. Don’t stay to see me die, or you will too. Remember the plan?”

“Wear the peasant rags. I’ve done that,” she broke off, gesturing at the clothes she was now wearing. She quickly continued, “Dirty your face in the soot. Take the sack of bread, cheese, and money and leave under cover of night. Tell the guards at the city gates that your name is Raoul, and you’re going to see your sick aunt in Calais. Go to Calais; tell the guards there that you’re going to London to see your uncle. Get to London somehow- stow away on a ship if you must, and start over again. Without your mother who cares for you and wants nothing more than-“ She stopped, momentarily unwilling to recite the last part of the instructions her mother had drilled into her head.

But she took a slow, deep breath and finished,“To go with you, but she must be with you from afar, not by your side.” Her body shook with her sobs.

“Yes,” her mother replied. Now she was crying too. “But take heart, my child, and remember I love you more than the sun and the moon and the stars and the whole world.” She sighed. “Madeleine…”

“Yes, Mama?”

“I wish it didn’t have to end this way.”

“Me too.”

Now it was raining outside, and it was dark. The only light came from the half-moon shimmering in the black sky. It was silent now except for their weeping.

At last, Madeleine said, “It’s raining. See? The sky is crying because of your death.”

“No,” her mother firmly replied, not wanting to hear of any pity. “The sky is not crying- not for me, not for you, not for anyone. It is merely raining, my child. Spring is coming, don’t you remember?”

“Yes, but for every spring…” Madeleine did not dare say the second part of the saying she had heard about spring.

Mama sighed and finished it for her, “A winter melts away.” She shivered and continued, “I am the winter. I have lived a long life, I am old, I am about to die.”

Madeleine wept.

“But you- you are the spring, so young, so beautiful, with such a bright future ahead. Go and live. Do not stay to see me die.”

Madeleine, still crying, sat by her mother, and her mother took her into her arms. They held on to each other, not wanting to ever let go, though they both knew inside that sometime, they would have to let go of each other- forever.

At last, Mother whispered, “Go, my child.” She let go.

Madeleine grabbed the sack and was almost out the window before she looked back at her mother for the last time. She whispered, “I love you, Mama.”

The response, softly spoken through quiet tears, was simple. “I love you too. Goodbye.”

Madeleine slipped out the window.

Some time later, a church bell chimed midnight. “The beginning of a new day, a new spring. Today is the first day of spring,” she thought.

At last, she whispered into the air, to her daughter, wherever she was now,

“For every spring, a winter melts away. But please, Madeleine, do not think about the winter melting… ”

The Last Testament of A "Monstrous" Condemned Woman:

“The Venetian government sent me here.”

The man faced me, with a look that could best be described as a mix of utter contempt and bewildered curiosity, but still managing to be very official, on his face.

“Why? Do they usually do this to prisoners awaiting their imminent execution?”

“No,” he replied very sharply. “They sent me here because even after the questioning and your trial, they still do not understand why you did everything that you did. And your crimes- they are sensational, to say the least. Your trial had the whole city in an uproar. And, mia piccina,” he added with disdain, “that is a very hard thing to do in such a city as Venice. So before you are executed at dawn, they want to know why-why you caused such destruction so heartlessly, why you took so many lives like a hardened assassin.”

“Heartless? A hardened assassin?” I just managed to get out the words. “No, no. You do not understand. The reason I did not talk is because they would not listen. They saw a monster. That is all they saw, just like I know you see me now.”

“Do you not want to preserve your own story before you die?”

His words startled me. And then I realized it: This is my only chance to show them that I am no monster.

“Very well, then,” I replied. “I will tell you everything.”

Without looking at me, he reached into his bag, pulling out a notepad and a pen and setting the pad on his lap. After that, with eyes still averted, he told me, “You talk, I take notes. Begin now, for dawn will come before long.”

“I was born in the English countryside, the only child of a scholar who had come into some wealth thanks to his marriage to the daughter of one of the wealthiest men in all England. Throughout my childhood, I was constantly exposed to all sorts of wonderful thoughts and books and ideas because many scholars would come and share their thoughts on every subject imaginable. My father was always one of the ones who talked the most- he knew so much, and he always wanted to learn more, to discover more-”

“Will you please stop wasting time and get to the point?”

“That was just what I was doing,” I snapped back. “Anyway, he was very ambitious. As time went on, I became more interested in art than anything else. I could not draw, paint, or sculpt to save my life, but I marveled at its beauty, the way some people were just able to recreate something out there in the world, and I wanted to understand how they did it. And there was another aspect of it, too, that fascinated me: there would be scholars that came from Paris, from Rome, from the Netherlands to share these great lost artworks that they had rediscovered, and to tell how they had become renowned for finding these artworks, how the art would be preserved for eternity and so would they, for the simple reason that after all these years, they had found these masterpieces and given them new life. And I? I wanted to do just that too.”

At that moment, I noticed him hurriedly writing, trying to keep up with everything I was saying.

“I can wait for you to finish writing,” I offered.

He nodded, and for several seconds, I said nothing as he finished his notes.

“So what does this have to do with you coming to Venice?” he eventually asked.

“Well, the time came when my father passed away. When he died, he left his entire estate to me, including all of the books in his library. I had never seen many of them- he never let me read them, because they were too precious. But he promised me that when I inherited the estate, I could read as many of the books as I wished.”

“Those books,” I continued, “became my way of healing from the grief. To read the same books that my father had studied from somehow felt like a way of being near him, and that eased the pain. I spent almost every waking hour exploring the library, reading and then reading some more.”

I paused, and a thought shot through me: This is the moment you set down this road of sorrow. I shook it off though, and went on:

“One night, I was browsing through the shelves when I came across a set of eight dusty old books. They were all about Italian artists from the Late Middle Ages and the Renaissance. I can hardly describe to you the effect of these books. They had a massive effect on me, but not for the reason you think.”

“Well then, what was the reason?”

“The front cover of each book had a most interesting thing written in it. Together, they seemed to make up a series of instructions for finding a lost artwork. And those instructions were thus:

‘The city of the winged lion has many secrets yet to give up,

Including one by one not older, but younger.

A fire blazing in the Palazzo Ducale

Took the lives of many masterpieces,

And this was thought to be one of them.

But a saint still lives, preserved in that palace,

Old but still preserved, and still preserving,

Francesco’s St. Jerome writes, though he is asleep, and does not die!’

Now I knew enough to know this: the city of the winged lion is Venice, and the fire was the great Doge’s Palace fire in the late 1500s. The “younger” was almost certainly Palma il Giovane, who was the great-nephew of Palma Vecchio, a good enough painter, and who painted extensively for a Francesco, Duke Francesco Maria II of Urbino. It was known that Palma had painted St. Jerome for Francesco, but everyone assumed that the painting had been lost. And as soon as I figured all of this out, I thought, ‘What if this could be the great discovery I have hoped to make?’ You understand, I was very ambitious, and at that moment I resolved to find it, no matter what.”

“Let me get this straight. You pieced together some handwritten sentences, thought overly hard about their implications, and decided to go and do whatever it took to get this precious painting?”

“Exactly.”

“You are British, yes? You are just like Lady Macbeth! You get a hint of an idea, and you murder anyone who stands in the way of you!”

“No. I never planned on murdering anyone, I swear! Now if you would just be quiet, I would get to that!”

Silence. I shook my head, and went on:

“The next day, with nothing but two hundred pounds, a sack of food and water, and the instructions copied onto a sheet- you see, I wasn’t planning on staying in Venice- I left home, and went to London. And from there I traveled on, first to Le Havre, then to Paris-”

“No one needs to know your travel itinerary.”

At that moment, a church bell chimed twice.

“It’s summer, and dawn will be here before too long,” the man advised. “Now I suggest you stop wasting your last hours and skip to you getting to Venice and exactly why you did what you did here. You don’t have much time left to tell your story, you know.” He seemed not so much impatient now as considerate, as if he were genuinely interested in what I was telling him.

“Fine. Anyway, I arrived in Venice, and I immediately set out for the Doge’s Palace. When I got there, it took me forever to find the painting, especially because I had no idea what it actually would look like. No one knew anything about the dimensions or the medium or what it looked like because it had been lost for so long. But everyone was saying that it had been called a masterpiece in its day, that it would be a major find. And that was what kept me going during those hard days and nights of searching. And at last, I found it inside one of the private rooms once used by the Doges of Venice.”

“So you found it. Congratulations. And how did you get here?”

“I wanted to return home, to my books, and bring the painting with me. I was planning to study the painting and only then reveal to the world what I found. But there was a problem, one I had not anticipated.”

“And what was that, mia piccina?” He no longer said it condescendingly, but as if he genuinely cared about everything I had gone through.

“I had no money left, no money to return home, and no way of getting any money, or at least, I did not think I had a way of getting any money.”

I shuddered with remorse now, thinking of where I had gotten the idea.

“Later on, I was roaming the streets, thinking about what I could do in order to get back home. At first, I was thinking of begging, but I thought that was weak. I am not a victim, and I would not allow myself to be weak like that. And then, I saw a jewelry house, with many fine jewels in the windows, the most and the finest diamonds by far I had ever seen! And the store- it was called the Salvadori Diamond Atelier, I believe- was not even guarded! Even though it had all these wonderful jewels worth thousands, thousands of pounds, I tell you!” I cried.

His brows had furrowed, and I knew what he was thinking now.

“Sir, sir, I feel so much remorse for this, it’s true, but when I saw all those lovely diamonds, I could not help but think, ‘This is my way to get money, to go home at last and someday show the world what I have accomplished, and fulfill my ambition.’ And I resolved to steal as many diamonds as I could that very night, so I could sell them for money.”

No, no, no. I cannot bear to tell this… but all of Venice already knows this…and I must tell this…oh God, but it haunts me so much…

My face must have gone pale, because the man asked, “Are you ill? Do you need to rest?”

“No, I just feel so, so guilty and horrified by what I am about to tell you…” I took a deep breath. “But I must tell you anyway.”

“That night, it happened to be a new moon, and the full darkness of the sky covered me. I felt so confident that everything would go according to plan. I would get in, take some diamonds, and leave Venice at once.”

“And indeed,” I continued, “at first, everything went according to plan. There was a door in the back, a very small door, that had been left unlocked. I slipped inside and slowly felt my way into the shop until I found the glass cases. And that was the point when things started going awry: I had found a pin, and since I had been taught how to trick a lock using a pin, I thought that I could simply use the pin, unlock the case, and stuff the jewels inside my bag. But the pin did not work- I don’t know whether the lock was very special or whether I just performed the trick wrong. It wouldn’t open though, so I had to resort to smashing the glass.”

“Let me guess,” he said, looking up from his notes. “Someone heard, and started shouting for the police?”

“To tell you the truth, I don’t know, because of how concentrated I was on my work, although that is probably it. But in any case, the police arrived, and in that moment, I realized that if I was caught, then I would be arrested and likely never return to England again. And I also realized that there was no way for me to make it to that small door unseen. But there was still another option.”

“What was it?” Now he was leaning forward.

I panicked inside. Please, I want to go back in time somehow, make it so I never did this, so that I never caused so much pain, which I never wanted to do…

“There was a small oil lamp with a flame inside the case, some wood that had broken off the case frame, and a jar of oil. And I realized that a fire would cause confusion, during which I could possibly escape. So,” I shut my eyes and said as fast as possible, “I poured the oil onto the wood, dropped the lamp on top, yelled ‘You will die before you discover me!’, and ran out of the shop, to the streets, and as I ran, I saw the whole building burst into flames and I heard screams, screams of officers burning, burning to death. Those screams, they haunt me still, even after all these weeks in prison and in court. And I smelled their flesh burning, and I relished it at first, knowing I had made it out.” And I realized I was shaking, and yes, starting to feel sick.

“But you seem so full of pain and remorse now,” the man said, confused.

“Just a few minutes later, I ran into another officer. The sight of him made me realize what I had done- I had killed innocent men just for money…” I was crying now, but I knew I still had to finish. So I continued, “At that moment, my conscience overwhelmed me for the first time ever, and I started weeping, just as I am now, and started screaming about how I had burned a group of officers in the Salvadori Diamond Atelier to death. The officer was confused, but I led him there, and showed him- the burning building, the people screaming, the firemen bringing out the bodies of dead officers. And then he arrested me right then and there.”

I fell silent. I have nothing left to say.

The man looked at me. “Do you have anything else you want to tell me?”

Through my tears, I choked out, “No, the rest of the story, you already know it…the trial, my sentencing to death…I just want it all to end. I never wanted any of this, and now I just want it to end, to spare the world any more horror I could cause…You see, the world is right- I am a monster…” Again, I fell silent.

“It is a strange thing, life,” he observed. “So many times, good people are driven to do unspeakable things which they never would have dreamed of doing except in the moment they did them. And for that, they are unjustly called monsters, for that one black blemish in an otherwise good life, and they are condemned to eternal damnation in the minds of the world, to be forever called a monster. Most of the time, the condemned do not speak.”

The cell door opened.

“Dawn breaks,” the jailer said. “And with it, your monstrous life ends.”

“-But you have broken the silence. You are very brave and strong to do that. That man will soon realize, like the rest of the world will, like I already know, that you are not a monster.”

“Now I must leave, for the hour of your death has come. Remember, you might die to expiate what the world has labeled you a monster for, but soon, your legacy will be realized for what it actually is. Go. Hold your head high. You have suffered much, but you do not deserve to suffer forever, and you will not suffer forever. Goodbye, mia piccina.”

And with that, he left. I rose, and surrendered to the jailer.

That black blemish he spoke of, I thought to myself as I walked with the jailer, will never be excusable. But it is not everything I am. And the world will know it is not everything I am.

Suddenly emboldened by this thought, I raised my head and held it high.

I know that I will find redemption somehow, for the world cannot truthfully say now that this is all I am. For I have said otherwise.

Now I am ready to die.

#opera #opera tag #stories #notyouraveragejulie writes

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holy-stevie · 4 years ago

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His Sunflower

Pairing: Chris Evans x female reader

Summary: Chris loved you, his sunflower, so much. But sometimes fate has other ideas.

Warnings: ANGST, death, brief suggestive themes like really brief, fluff, oh did i mention angst?

a/n: This is my entry for @captain-rogers-beard Flex your writing muscles challenge!

Please do not repost my work anywhere else!

Sunflowers, they were one of the most popular flowers. Exchanged between lovers and friends, drawn into intricate artworks, stitched into clothing, tattooed onto people’s skin. They were everywhere one could look, splayed out into the world for people’s enjoyment. A sign of happiness to many, especially him. Because she was his sunflower, his source of happiness in the disappointing world.

You had met him at a playground, out of all places. He was running around with his niece, running from her with a big goofy smile on his face as she laughed evilly chasing him. You had been kneeling down tying your brother’s shoelace when he ran straight into you, causing an awkward mess of limbs and frantic apologies as the two children laughed at the two of you. Even to this day he swears that this moment was the moment that he knew you were the most radiating person he would ever meet, it never failed to make you scrunch up your nose and shrug him off.

“I am so so sorry.” He apologises frantically, his hands lifting you off the ground gently. You can’t help the light giggle that escapes your mouth, he looked so adorable with his hand rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

“They really are little demons huh?” You giggle again motioning to the two kids that were laughing with each other, your brother sticking his tongue out at you when he catches your stare. He chuckles lightly as Stella, his niece, teases him. He turns back to you, taking in your appearance with a light smile before sticking his hand out in welcoming.

“I’m Chris, and that’s Stella.” He introduces, you smile as you take his hand lightly.

“The name’s Y/n, this little monster is Luke.” You smile, a smile that would become his favourite sight in the world. And that small encounter was the day that he met the love of his life, his sunflower. Neither of you would have ever thought that such a beautiful and strong relationship would start from that little moment.

The first time Chris called you his sunflower was three months later, a month after the two of you had officially started dating. You were both relaxing at his house in Boston, Chris was typing away on his computer with dodger laying at his feet, tired out from running around with you for a few hours. You were sitting off to his left in a patch of sunlight peaking through the glass doors that were open to let the breeze roll through the house, you were finger painting of all things.

“You’re my sunflower.” He says simply after watching you for a few minutes, watching your tongue poke out the side of your mouth as you concentrated on finding a way to make your painting make sense. You raised an eyebrow as you met his gaze, scrunching your nose adorably in confusion, an expression that was one of his favourites.

“Cliché much?” You say even though there’s a light blush on your cheeks from the way he’s looking at you. He puts his laptop onto the table before getting up and plopping down next to you dramatically, making you giggle as he puts his hand on his forehead.

“Breaking my heart here sunflower.” He grins up at you goofily as you groan in mock disgust, you move your painting out of the way before you settle yourself in his lap, ignoring your paint covered fingers as you wind your fingers through his shirt.

“If I’m your sunflower that means you’re my sun, drawing my attention to you the second that glorious ass rises every day.” You tease, he throws his head back with laughter as you attempt to give his behind a tap but are unable to as he’s sitting on the floor. He grins as you lean your forehead against his lightly, the both of you taking a minute to appreciate the feeling of holding each other.

After that day he always calls you it, you hear it more than your own name. You always have a smile on your face as he calls you his sunflower, sure he uses other pet names, but sunflower is the one that means the most to the two of you. Even when the two of you were fighting he would use it, not letting you ever forget that you were his sweet sunflower.

Three years later the two of you stand wrapped in each other’s arms, sway side to side as a slow song plays, your friends and family watching with smiles and laughs as the newlywed couple have their first dance together. The both of you had sweet smiles adorning your faces as you took in each other, now as Mr. and Mrs. Evans.

“You look so beautiful sunflower.” He whispers gently, tears forming in his eyes for what seems like the hundredth time that day. You smile brightly, the smile that he has engrained in his mind forever and raise to the tips of your toes to press a soft kiss against his beared cheek.

“I think sunflower has a new contender, Mrs. Evans has a nice ring to it.” You say, resting your head against his shoulder still looking up at him as he chuckles lightly before leaning down to nibble lightly on your ear.

“Guess we’ll find that out later my love.” You shiver at the meaning behind his words before gigging lightly, giving him a little wink.

“I love you.” You say with a grin, never getting tired of saying those three words over and over.

“I love you too sunflower.” He mumbles, the tears rising in his eyes once again making you smile giddily and kissing him.

Now he sits alone, the world around him seems dark and lonely, not carrying a single hint of the light it used to. He twirls a flower in his hand, the stem almost broken into two from the constant twirling of his fingers. The sun went down hours ago, dark and stormy clouds taking its place, matching his life.

The said it was accident, could have happened to anyone on the road at that time. They told him that there was nothing he could do to save her from the drunken idiot driving down the wrong side of the road, nothing he could have done to stop her from swerving and hitting the tree. They said he need to grieve and process that she was gone, but he couldn’t.

He couldn’t save her, he couldn’t be there in her last few minutes of agonising pain. He couldn’t go back and tell her not to get in the car, he couldn’t bring her back to his arms where she belonged. He couldn’t stop the crushing depression that her death gifted him with, the sleepless nights spent sobbing endlessly into her pillow. He couldn’t get out of bed and take care of himself, he couldn’t even be anything but an empty shell anymore.

He had been sitting in front of the newly made gravestone for hours, the funereal had ended hours ago, his family trying and failing to comfort him. He couldn’t take his eyes off the flower twirling in-between his fingers, provided to him by Luke with a watery frown.

He had avoided the flowers since that day, the mere thought of them making him dry heave over a toilet bowl for hours and he sobbed uselessly. They all looked lifeless, dead and rotten. It was as if they knew she was gone too, one of their own taken away. The sunflower in his hand had been limp for a while now, the brightness from it gone. When he looks down at it he presses his lips together tightly to keep the sob trapped in his throat, he needed to go home. He needed to leave his sunflower.

With a sharp inhale he stands, only to drop to a knee in the fresh dirt holding the love of his life. He shakily lays the sunflower in the middle of the dirt pile, the flowers petals so limp that they match the colour of the dirt. He squeezes his eyes shut tightly as he retracts his hand, clenching into a tight fist in his pocket as he stands up again.

“I love you sunflower, no matter what you’ll always be my sunflower.” He says, his voice scratchy and void of any of the colour it once held. With a final glance he turns away. The broken shell of a man that he is walks away slowly, almost turning back to cry in a pile by her side. He slowly makes his way to his mother’s car, she waited for him this entire time not wanting him to be alone. He gets in the car without a word, watching the sunflower as the car pulls away from where it had been parked. Getting the last glimpse of his sunflower, his happiness.

Taglist: @scarletsoldierrr @chrisevans-imagines @patzammit

#flex your writing muscles challenge #chris evans x reader #chris evans #angst #sunflowers #photo prompt #did i mention angst #fluff

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naitomeruu-drawings · 4 years ago

Photo

For the art prompt for the first week of September 2020 from the official Sky: Children of the Light Discord server (link here). Details about these two Sky OCs (link here). Similar artwork see here.

Helping a friend in need (♂ ver). (Scenario from ‘SKY: Three Cycles’ Act 3 Chapter 5 - Two Flames, One Light)

Noin sits quietly by a fallen pillar not far from the Wasteland Temple, body curled up and head down. He feels a presence come up to him—Fiyer, the fellow Child of the Light he befriended earlier at the end of the Hidden Forest.

"Noin! What happened?" Fiyer asks, confused and worried. After a short pause he realizes, "Zwai—where is she?" Noin's hands and shoulders tense up at the mention of his partner's name. It doesn't take long for Fiyer to piece things together. "Oh crab, pardon me..."

As Noin's thoughts spiral around Zwai's final moments and what he could've done to change it, he feels his body get pulled and held, and the next thing he knows is Fiyer is carrying him on his shoulders. Noin feels he doesn't deserve the good air and view from the height, so he simply buries his face in his friend's hair.

The ambient sound changes from open to enclosed. They must've entered the temple. He has no idea how Fiyer had to make a run for the gate to avoid the Dark Dragons. Candles are lit, and then he is put down on a platform. His friend looks at him with worried eyes. "Come on, you talked a lot when we were in the Valley. Now's also a great time to talk, so speak up."

Noin honestly tries to speak up, but instead he bursts into tears, sobbing through his words. "Zwai, she... she... I should've... been... the one instead... I failed... She won't be reborn... Gone forever because..."

It's a given that once a Child of the Light dies nowhere near the Eye of Eden, the chances of that Child being reborn is slim, and those who do get reborn don't have memories of their past lives. There's not much Fiyer could do but make Noin feel his comforting presence. "I've seen too many of us perish there too, but I'm here, and now you're here. We just have to keep on going for those who were eaten by the Darkness."

#sky children of the light #fan art #fanfic #sky ocs #thatskyartprompt

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sierrabinondo · 5 years ago

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woodland creatures tour - day 8 (falls church)

finally got around to starting the final journal. life picks back up so quickly for me when i return from going anywhere, really, so it’s hard to stick to little projects like this. but i probably could have benefited from writing this sooner after the actual last day of tour haha. it’s funny how we only leave for a week or so but it feels like our lives shift so drastically during that time. it really does take time to snap back into reality and accept normalcy.

after a good night of bullshitting until super late (we tried to put on hot ones around 2:00 am but all passed out shortly after) we grabbed coffee and breakfast at coffeeology (i THINK that’s the name) in greensboro. we stopped at a shop literally across the street from the venue we played last year, new york pizza. seeing that place again reminded us of playing to literally our tourmates destination dimension and maybe like 3 other people in the room, versus the couple dozen we played to last night. the main band that played the gig that night literally sat outside the entire show with their friends and only came inside for when they had to play. it was disheartening, to say the least. this time, we didn’t play to a crowd that was there for us, but we played to so many more people who actually stayed inside to watch us.

i wish i could remember this drive, i didn’t have any work to do so i think this was the day i bought untitled goose game and i was playing it a little bit haha. we listened to some music and just enjoyed the trek to our last gig on this run. of course, we started to hit traffic as we approached falls church, which is in the DC area for anyone not familiar. however, we were still making okay time. we could make a detour to drop our bags at the hotel in vienna, get food, and then run our dual band cover of uneasy hearts with pulses. forgot to mention this in the jacksonville journal lmao, i approached kevin with this idea for the last show of tour super casually and we did end up deciding as a whole to go through with it!

the hotel in vienna was such a strange spot, but it was kind of cool? we stayed at the vienna wolf trap hotel hahaha. all of the decor was SO DATED but it was still pretty okay. the guy at the desk was nice, we somehow got on the topic that we were a band on tour rand he gave us late check-in for free! ended up not needing it. but it’s the thought that counts haha. we arrive to the venue and jaime’s girlfriend rebecca is there to greet us :’) poor girl drove their RV all the way down to virginia alone, and that thing drives slowly. but then that meant jaime could ride back up to jersey with her which was good.

it is insane how at home we feel at falls church. i guess everyone south of maryland is just way fucking cooler than the northeast lmao, but it’s like pulling up to play somewhere at home in jersey and running into old friends. i can’t get over that we have that in a state hundreds of miles from home. it was good to see familiar faces and be back at the vfw. our friends’ band to michigan, with love was also on the gig, and our newer friends in science penguin joined us on the show as well! it was an all-around homie fest. i rolled up to the venue with the remainder of the trulys i purchased the night before, and shoved the box in the fridge haha. i was ready to just chillll.

because we have played here a handful of times, it is also now tradition to walk across the parking lot and go get korean fried chicken at the restaurant next door. it fucking sucks, we always arrive just in time to eat before doors and i normally can’t eat jack shit because of fried/spicy food being horrible for my voice. i ordered bibimbap and then 12 wings to go, for after the show lmao. or a snack after we play!! but i ended up forgetting to FUCKING eat them AND they just sat out overnight in the van so they were toast. goddamnit. i think the restaurant is literally just called bbq fried chicken, the way they fry their chicken is just perfect. the sauces are all delicious and everything besides that on the menu is also tasty.

i wanted so badly to break my last set of tour curse. it’s definitely a self-imposed, silly, superstitious thing, but my last set of tour iS ALWAYS HOT GARBAGE. i always for sure mess up. and this was probably the best last set of tour i’ve had but still not my best performance all of tour haha. i got lost the bridge of murder mountain and couldn’t hear my bandmates for some reason? fucking embarrassing but!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cannot stress enough how much fun it was. it truly was. fucking, we’re about to play pixelated and i’m trying to give my SHPIEL about not being a JERK musician and i hear the sounds of “smooth” by carlos santana featuring rob thomas faintly playing through my in-ears. i rip them off and i’m like, what the fuck is going on LMAO. surprise, the pulses. gang were behind it, and tyler, taylor and kevin come dancing up to the stage. i was DEAD. we never do last day of tour pranks so we were fuuuully unprepared hahaha. it was so funny. my meme now takes on a whole new meaning!!

most importantly this show felt like such a fun celebration of tour. pulses., as they did all tour, hyped us up during almost every song and went off for synapse fires. we are too fucking lucky to have them as friends. they really helped make every set and every show feel worth the hours of travel and sometimes stress. to look out and see their faces in the crowd and singing the words uplifted us each night. it’s unfair that we live so far apart. it’s like how they say your soulmate could be literally anywhere in the world but you won’t know until you go look??? it’s like that but with finding supportive friends. i’m not sure if we’ve stressed this enough but this tour gave us strength to keep going as musicians, due in part to their friendship. we always joked like how the fuck we’re supposed to just go on not playing shows together or seeing each other all the time but it really does suck lmao. i was in my feelings in both a good and bad way, soooo i immediately scurried off the stage to go grab a truly the second we were done HAHA

it’s always so sad to watch your friends play their last set of tour, too. well moreso bittersweet! but you know that it’ll be your last time seeing them play for a while. i enjoyed every single minute. i love watching them play hometown shows, too. halfway through we jumped on stage to do the uneasy hearts cover, completely unrehearsed, and i’d say we did a pretty damn good job. such a fun way to send off the woodland creatures tour. i had always wanted to do something like this, where two bands play on stage at once (holla me versus i nd the artwork of). the energy the whole song was so infectious, it was fun to see people in the crowd go off too. also, fucking KRIS KHUNACHAK shot this video with TWO ANGLES holding both his cameras at the same time. i still can’t get over that.

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i love that pulses. played you already know as their closer, it was the perfect way to wrap up their set and the best bookend to the setlist they chose. kevin would get on the mic every night and speak to the crowd, dude is just really good at being a performer and resonating with people. in jacksonville he sat down and everyone followed his lead haha. it was fun to dance one last time with everyone as we watched pulses. kill it before the tour came to an official end. we then gathered outside to take group pictures. it’s the part you don’t wanna get to, because it signals farewells in the near future, but we took some really great ones.

post-gig taco bell plans were foiled, but someone recommended the silver dollar diner nearby. diners outside of jersey are normally horrifying but i trusted the people we were with. we piled back in our vehicles and rolled 20 heads deep to the diner. it was actually a really sick diner with tons of vegan dishes and pretty tasty food. i got chicken noodle soup, red wine and an ice cream sundae because i am a freak of nature. we ate up like 3 tables and sat altogether, just bitching about having to return to real life the following monday. but also, trying to plan the next time we would see each other. already!! and!! talking about doing more shows together. we try to work with different people all the time but there are a select few bands we would tour with or gig with again and again and again and pulses. are one of them. after how much fun this run was it’s pretty hard to imagine not doing this again. it just... makes sense. so much sense. and it feels wrong to not do it again lmao.

goodbyes were bittersweet. we huddled in the parking lot by our van to say goodnight and see ya later, one by one. fuckin, tyler is moving to nashville very soon so we all probably won’t see him for a hot minute :’----------( thankfully everyone else really isn’t that far if we planned a weekend trip to meet halfway or if we wanted to make the trip out to each other, thank god!!! i don’t know what i would do if i couldn’t always have a part of this tour with me, somehow or some way.

afterword

was thinking of adding a lengthy epilogue but it’s essentially just me openly sobbing in the van the entire ride home hahaha. you’d think that every single time it would get easier to come home but it doesn’t. i know why touring impacts me as much as it does emotionally, but when the bittersweet acceptance of coming home pours over into tears like it does, i feel kinda silly. i’m sure that there are musicians who are constantly gigging that would love nothing more than to be home more, and i know that if i was in their shoes i would come to dread touring, too.

i really, truly wish i was in a place, or that my bandmates and i, were in a place to tour more often, but for now we have what we have. and that’s okay. i want to share something beautiful our friend charlene posted today that deeply moved me:

This is the moment. I’ve made it.

People always ask me “what are you gonna do when you’ve made it?” I need you to understand something; I’ve already made it. I am living out my dreams. It’s not easy and obviously I would only hope that’s I will continue to grow, to reach bigger goals, to push the limits. But I’ve already made it. This is the moment. I won’t let myself miss out on the beauty of life that’s right in front of me because I’m too worried about something that may or may not come tomorrow. This is the moment.

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fullsunhyuckie · 6 years ago

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we grow up!

*here’s to mark’s graduation from dream! you’ve done well, mark.

slice of life!au

in which a group of strangers go for an adventure of a lifetime.

disclaimer: i know mark graduated yesterday but i wrote this story a long time ago and i feel like there isn’t a better time than now for me to post this. so here goes my tears :,)

day0:

at 19, mark was unsure of his future.

it never crossed mark’s mind that the age, twenty, would come so early but boy was he wrong. it was as if it was only yesterday he just learnt how to chew gum.

mark was intending to go on a road trip for five days right before he officially becomes an adult. but you see, the downside of being a hardworking individual is that you simply have no friends. that’s how mark came up with the idea to invite 6 other teenagers around his age to follow him. he went to the local cafe right opposite his block. it was the place where teenagers often hang out.

there he met 6 other teens who were different yet he could connect with them easily. renjun, an 18 year old aspiring artist who left his hometown to pursue his dreams. he’s small but he can hit a bitch if he needs to. jeno, an 18 year old cheerful soul who will do anything to ensure that everyone is happy. he says he is no fun but he can turn on his funny button if he needs to. haechan, an 18 year old devilish boy who should’ve been born in the 80s. he picks on others but he sure is full of love. jaemin, a loveable 18 year old boy who could flirt for a living. he may seem a little odd with all the flirting but he’s the most loyal friend you can ever come across. chenle, a 17 year old loud loud child who is absolutely talented. he screams a lot but he definitely has a beautiful voice. and lastly, jisung, a 16 year old dancer who is insanely talented. he’s young but he is taller than you. a fact.

“let’s go on a road trip.” and that’s how their journey began.

day1:

mark thought this was a stupid idea. he was the only one who could drive so how was he supposed to fully experience his adventure. whatever it was, he still continued on. it’s not like he could find group of 6 other willing boys.

he borrowed his brother’s, johnny, red suv and drove right off. there was no plan, nothing. just 7 boys in a red suv ready to experience life together. it started off awkward. none of them talked. even haechan, the supposed moodmaker, was silent throughout the whole journey. there was just nothing they could talk about, they didnt know each other at all.

even as they reached the first pitstop, they were silent. probably just constant gag sounds from renjun because he disliked awkward situations. i mean it’s not like mark could do anything, he was driving. while they were having a cup of hot chocolate (weirdly enough, all of them ordered the same thing), mark blurted out a question about why they decided to follow him. they all had the same exact answer (well not exactly but you get it) and that is because they all have a dream,,,,,and then the awkward silence returned.

they all willingly agreed to pitch a tent and have a camp by the sea, the moment they arrived. well, at least it wasnt so awkward when they were asleep.

day2:

the next morning they drove off to have brunch. on the way to the diner, famous for their pancakes, haechan boosted his stereo to michael jackson’s bad and surprisingly all of them enjoyed it. they had more similarities than they thought they would. as they reached the diner, the mood was lighter than ever. it was as if sleeping together made them bond well. again, all of them ordered rather similarly. jaemin suggested they played a prank on the waitress to add a little spice to their morning. jisung decided that they should play a game and the loser has to sing the menu to the waitress.

as expected, renjun lost and he was forced to do the prank. he came up to her and before he could say anything the waitress said, “with voices as loud as you boys, you think i wouldnt know what you’re about to do? save yourself the embarrassment.” with that all of them ran out, leaving a red cheeked renjun standing in the middle of the diner. remember when i said renjun could hit a bitch if he wanted to? well this is what i meant. none of the boys left without a bruise. especially chenle who could not stop laughing.

they decided once again to stop by a park to take in fresh air. mark decided they should get to know one another even better. thats how they ended up playing a game of two truths and one lie. there were stupid lies and horribly dumb truths that came up and one that got mark thinking whether growing up was something he wanted. during haechan’s turn, he explained that his truth was that he was afraid of not having anywhere to go after being an adult. they all left what haechan said aside because truth be told none of them knew for themselves either.

they carried on playing other games and having dinner at the same diner because let’s be real, renjun’s pride comes after a good meal. but throughout the whole time, all of them started getting afraid of the horrors of their adulthood. even for jisung who still has 4 years left till his coming of age.

day3:

now, the third day was the most awful. they felt raw this day. but we’ll get to that. it has only been 2 days but the boys felt as though they had been friends for decades. or rather decade, none of them are twenty as of now.

jaemin and jeno went to the nearby convenience store to get breakfast for the boys. for the whole day they decided to just sit around and talk. and so they did. thats the reason why they felt raw.

mark sat without sharing anything. he was terrified. he was afraid that if anyone knew about it they would mock him and his innocent dream.

renjun began first. he talked about how he thinks that his dream is dumb. it has been 4 years since he came to korea and not once has he gotten an offer to further his art studies. whats the point he thought? anything he drew would never be approved as beautiful enough. and it sucks because when he showed his artwork, mark thought that it was a masterpiece. to him it doesnt matter how beautiful the piece was, it was the story behind it that counts. and that came mark’s first lesson, that nothing in life is ever fair.

jeno went on to talk about how he had no goal. nothing at all. for him, his dream is to live a life with no regrets. thats why he’s not pushing to do anything to stress himself out. he’s just gonna go with the flow. after graduating from his high school barely passing, he feels as though it doesnt matter. jeno believes that he’ll get somewhere one day. after all he’s still a teenager he’s got enough time to think about these things. but for now, he’ll just live in the moment. and that was mark’s second lesson, to live and let loose.

haechan was next. he had a dream to be a singer. and god that boy could sing. but for haechan he felt insecure. no matter how many people came up to him to tell him he was talented, he just cant accept that. that’s probably why he hides it with all the snarky remarks and the over the top compliments for himself. he never felt that he was good enough. but mark feels bad because haechan doesnt deserve to feel that way. haechan was full of love and he couldnt understand why he couldnt give himself any. this made him learn his third lesson, that only you can bring happiness to yourself.

and then there’s jaemin. mark cant help but feel sympathetic for him. jaemin was a dancer, a really good one (from the videos jaemin showed). but the thing is he cant dance anymore. at all. he got into an accident and now he isnt allowed to dance anymore. but the weird thing is that it didnt stop him from being content with life. for he feels that everything happens for a reason. and mark looks up to jaemin because he never fails to put on a smile knowing that his dream of being a dancer is near impossible for him to achieve. that’s how mark learnt to smile even if failure comes.

well for chenle, he had already achieved his dream. well partially. he is currently a trainee singer at a well known agency in korea. as a child, chenle was a music prodigy in china. he went on talent shows and clinched first place in almost every one of them. it was as if chenle’s future had already been written for him to be a singer. but he never used his past to get a boost for an opportunity in the industry. he worked incredibly hard to get into the agency and never once did he take his place for granted. mark learnt from him that its important to stay humble.

and lastly, jisung, the dancing king. mark was amazed by how insanely talented this boy was. it was no wonder he became a famous child dancer, known all over korea. anywhere jisung went people would recognise him and mob him for his autograph or a picture. but as mark sees how jisung acts when he’s with those his age, he realises that jisung is in fact just a kid and he’s just trying to enjoy life as normal teenager. its a pity for jisung because he devoted his whole youth to dancing, and now even when he looks back, his childhood was all just a blur. he complains that if there was one regret he had, it was not living each day to its fullest. that was mark’s last lesson. to seize every moment.

by the end of it all, they were all starting to doze off. and before they knew it , they fell asleep. except mark because he cant help but wonder what will happen to these boys once they part. and in that same moment he thinks, thank god i met these people.

day4:

the next day they woke up in the late afternoon. all of them felt exhausted after spilling almost everything about themselves.

the moment mark woke up he felt awful. there were only two days left till he becomes an adult and that thought scared him to his wits. he began sobbing softly and the boys came running to him. mark explained.

mark was afraid of having a future at all. everytime he tried, he failed. mark wanted to be a rapper. wanted. because there were so many competitions that he attended and he failed. so many people told him that he’ll fail because as a rapper, there’s no future for him.

mark shared that his parents were supportive of him so that wasnt a problem. but you see he didnt want to burden his parents. he knew if he pursued this dream it would take a lot of money and none would be gained back. now mark’s left, all goal-less because he knows if he tried, he’ll fail for sure.

so that’s how mark ended up here in seoul. because he needed a breather. his parents advised that if he doesnt know what to do he should just enter college. thats a sure success because a degree can get you any job you need. but mark was sure it wont bring him happiness because he knows that he doesnt want to go to university, it’s just not him. mark felt empty as though no one understood him, until now of course.

as the 7 dreamers sat under the night sky they thought to themselves. the adults always say you need to plan for your future, you need to know what you want to do. but they never help you. they’d just leave you to figure things out by yourself.

the adults never tell us how hard the process of growing up is. they never prepare us for it. its like going into a battlefield without weapons. no matter how loud you shout or plead for them to aid you. its useless because now they’ll pull out the “it’s your life. it’s your decision” card. but if you fail, its all on you. and if you succeed then suddenly, the family’s the one who paid for the fees and give you moral support and all that jazz.

so that made them awfully afraid because they knew that one day they’ll be doing something and that they’ll get somewhere. but what if they arent happy? what if they’re miserable?

day5:

it was the last day. the 7 of them drove back. the whole drive home was silent. they knew that it’ll be the last time they would see each other. mark will be leaving. he didnt intend to grow so close with the boys but he did and now he hates it. his heart is heavy to leave them but he has to. he understands that people come and go. thats just the cycle. unknown to mark, this is part of growing up. he has to accept that, nothing in life is constant, no matter how hard it is.

as they reached the same coffee house, you could see how all their eyes turned crystal. but their egos are high, so fret not cause they’ll not cry. except renjun and haechan, they cried. hard.

all mark did was put a smile on his face and he said “yo dream. promise me you’ll remember me, alright. we’ll see each other soon.”

and with that he left. and never turned back. because he knew if he did, he wont be able to say goodbye.

day6 (the day mark turned 20) :

now, mark’s 20.

at 20, mark’s still unsure of his future. but he knows that all he wants for now, is to be happy.

-Z

#nct imagine #nct reactions #nct fic #nct fluff #nct angst #nct dream #nct 2018 #7dream #imsosad #imissmarkalready #ithasntevenbeenaday #anywaysenjoymytears

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olliewritesthethings · 5 years ago

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Call It Losing Touch || Tucker & Sam

24 flowers, gold trim around mirrors and artworks. Dull gray paint. 9 cardinals and 6 swallows.

Swallows.

Swallows could be symbolic for so many things but the one she remembered the most was that they symbolized home.

Home.

She had thought of home for so long she almost forgot about it. Almost forgot what her parents looked like. What Violet had looked like.

“Be polite and keep your eyes on the floor.” Aunt Eleanor spoke quietly, “Keep your mouth shut unless it’s to answer her questions.” Samantha swallowed thickly and answered with a quiet voice, “Yes Aunt Eleanor.”

A woman walked into the room, she was older than herself, with light eyes and pale pink lips. She was beautiful and terrifying all at once.

“Is this your first post?” She spoke with a voice of ice and it caused her blood to run cold. “Yes ma’am.” Sam replied, her eyes immediately shooting away from the older woman’s face to look at her shoes instead.“You have been given proper training and won’t be giving me any trouble, I expect.”

Sam felt her hands slowly clenching into fists, but with a light nudge of Aunt Eleanor’s hand she nodded, “Of course ma’am.” came the reply though it was a struggle to get out. “You will call me Mrs. Brooks, or ma’am and only speak when you are spoken too. Understood?” She could feel the anger boiling in her already but she kept her mouth shut and simply gave a sweet smile, “Yes Mrs. Brooks.”

“Good.” was the cold, short response. “This is our Martha, Danielle. She will show you to your room-” she had been explaining when she was cut off.

Sam had only heard the footsteps but hadn’t looked up, eyes still down on the floral patterned rug. “Ah, and this is my husband. Commander Brooks.”

It was only at the sound of his voice, his hushed, “Good evening.” did she look up and felt her breath catch in her throat at the sight.

Tucker.

“Blessed be the fruit.” he had spoken, and she had to fight to keep herself from flinging her arms around him and never letting go. Keep from crying and wishing that they had gotten out of the hell that they had been living in the past few years.

“May the Lord open…” was her quiet reply as she looked down at his shoes, her hands just slightly beginning to tremble. “It is a pleasure to meet you, Commander-” she had managed to say before Mrs. Brooks interrupted her.

“Danielle, show our new handmaiden to her room. Let her get comfortable. Give her a tour of the house but after leave her be. I’m sure she’d like to rest.” The Martha gave a quick, hushed confirmation before Sam stood and walked to follow, her head bent down the entire time.

The tour was a blur, it was a beautiful yet dull home with artwork and modest decoration. It was a home that looked as though the people who lived in it were only temporary, ghosts that haunted the hallways.

Sam was lead to her room soon, and there she stayed. She had her dinner there, resting in the uncomfortable, meek conditions that was expected to handmaidens.

It was late soon, and she had changed into her sleeping gown. Though she laid down and bundled under the covers to protect herself from the chill she couldn’t sleep.

She laid there, staring at the wall and waited.

Listening.

She had heard silent creaks in the floorboards, just slight movement and it had her sitting up in her bed to look at her door, waiting as the knob turned.

When she saw his face she immediately got out of her bed, waiting until the door was closed in order to rush over. Bare feet padding against the floor as she moved to wrap her arms around him.

“I thought you got out!” her words were muffled against his chest as she clung to him. She sobbed against him as she spoke, “I thought you had gotten out…” she sniffed and couldn’t stop the tears from leaving her.

“What happened?” she asked, pulling away to look into the much needed familiar face, “Why are in this fucking place? Why aren’t you in Canada? Why are you married?”

The second that Tucker heard who was going to be the new handmaid at his house, his breath caught in his throat both in shock and some kind of relief. It took him a moment to stop the dizziness that clouded his brain when the higher-ranking official gave him her information. He managed to speak and then wave him off but there was only a single thought going through his mind.

She was alive. Sam was alive.

The next thought that hit him was how in the hell this was going to work. Tucker was no more than living a lie and the idea of being forced to take her into his bed made his stomach turn. Not because of her appearance or her personality but because what happened there was something he could barely stomach to begin with.

We’ll cross that road when we get there. She’s alive. She’s safe.

When she showed up to his home, Tucker wanted to hide and ignore the situation, but he knew that wasn’t the right answer. When he heard his nagging wife going on and on in the foyer, he closed his eye, took in a breath, and made his way out of his office and into the thick of something sickening.

Tucker allowed himself to be introduced, his eyes catching hers and muttering a warning nonverbally not to speak up right here and now. “Blessed be the fruit,” Tucker spoke, the words cutting into his insides, but forced out nonetheless. “Good evening,” he repeated back to her, his eyes never leaving hers until the Martha had swooped her off to her quarters.

He made his way back to his office, brushing off his wife as he did so. He sat in his high-backed leather chair and counted his breaths as they came out of his lungs. 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. He relaxed himself in composure, despite the fact that his insides felt like nothing more than jello.

He moved through the house like a ghost, pushing his way to Sam’s room. The house has silent and dark, nobody watching him to see what he was up to. He wasn’t about to knock on the door and while he didn’t want to impose on the girl’s privacy, he turned the doorknob and let himself in, shutting the door behind him.

“Sam,” he said, trying to catch all his thoughts and push them out his mouth in a way that proved nearly impossible. “You’re alive.” The words sounded stupid but saying them out loud made him feel a bit better, his heart beat slowing back to a normal speed.

He gave her a look that he hoped conveyed most of what he was thinking before moving in close to her so he could speak without worry. “I can’t explain it all now,” he breathed in her direction, “There are….ears everywhere. We can’t risk it.” He didn’t know where or how to explain what was going on but he knew if anyone deserved it, it was Sam.

“Meet me tomorrow night. Midnight. At your doorway. We’ll go somewhere safe to talk,” he whispered, letting himself reach for her hand to squeeze it. “Just hold out a little longer. Now tell me, are you okay? Why aren’t you in Canada yourself? When I saw your name…” he trailed off, not wanting to push her to speak about anything she wasn’t ready to.

#call it losing touch #c: tucker #o: sam #gilead

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fanatic1997 · 6 years ago

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Wedding Dress

Summary: Peter receives an invite to your wedding. He remembers the day you left him 2 years ago and he feels an utter loss because he still loves you. What will he do on the day of your wedding, when he sees you in your wedding dress ready to marry someone else?

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

Word Count: 2967

Warnings: Lots of Angst

Peter is aged here. This story is based on the the song “Wedding Dress” by Taeyang. Also picture is not mine.

Peter got out of the car after receiving a thumbs up and a sad smile from Happy before walking up the steps to the the church. The cloudy skies above him matched his mood and he was glad he had brought his umbrella with him. He looked down at the invitation again, feeling his gut twist. Your name was bolded at the top along with your fiancé’s inviting him to your wedding. He felt his jealousy pit at his stomach again but it wasn’t anywhere close to what it was when he had first received the invite.

The day he had received the invitation in the mail, he had thrown the nearest thing to him. The vase had shattered splendidly. Unfortunately, that had been a very expensive vase that Mr. Stark had decorated the common area with. After his anger had subsided, he had dropped to the middle of the floor letting tears stream down his face, arms around his knees feeling his heart shattering much like the vase.

That’s how Tony had found him.

“Hey Kid, what happened to my vase? I don’t have many rules but destroying my artwork really upsets Pepper,” he said carrying a piece of the broken artwork. Tony stopped mid stride, seeing Peter sob into his hands. Tony put the piece he had in his hands down and approached Peter awkwardly. He considered calling Pepper or even Happy since consoling someone had never been his forte but they were out of town unfortunately.

“I’m sorry Mr. Stark. I’ll pay you back for it,” Peter’s muffled voice said, rapidly wiping his tears away so his mentor wouldn’t see them.

Tony laughed, “Kid, that’s a $100,000 vase, I don’t think you will ever pay me back for it.” Tony’s joke didn’t cheer up Peter like he had wanted, instead, it had only made him more upset.

“Look, I’ll forget about the vase if you tell me what’s up?” Tony awkwardly squatted down in front of Peter. He accidently sat on something that he heard crinkle and he finally noticed the slightly bent wedding invitation that was underneath him. He inhaled sharply, now fully understanding the situation before him.

“Mr. Stark, she’s getting married. I listened to you, Mr. Stark. I listened and gave her space like you told me to. But she didn’t come back.” Tony’s chest tightened seeing Peter visibly break down in front of him. “I don’t know what to do.”

Tony swallowed feeling guilty for thinking that Peter would be able to forget about you easily. Tony had never had a steady relationship until Pepper, let alone at Peter’s age, so it came as a surprise that even after two years of walking away, Peter still loved you.

All Tony could do was awkwardly pat Peter on the back but he knew there was no tinkering he could do to fix this. Even with all his money and influence, Tony Stark wouldn’t be able to make you come back to Peter.

That had been 3 months ago and today was the day Peter would watch you walk down the aisle and out of his life for good. He had initially thought that he could remain friends with you but it would be too painful knowing that you belonged to someone else and so he had prepared himself to say goodbye to you today.

Peter straightened out his bow tie nervously and looked down at his watch again. He sat uncomfortably between two old women that he assumed were from the groom's side since he had never met them. The wedding was supposed to start in fifteen minutes and the groom had already made his entrance into the room, receiving a lot of high fives from his groomsmen. Peter clenched his teeth feeling his jealousy rear its ugly head again.

The old woman to Peter’s left was very chatty and it didn’t help his nerves. The woman pulled out an old flip phone and asked Peter to help her navigate to her pictures. Peter regretting helping her after she started showing him pictures of her cat. “These gadgets these days are so nifty aren’t they? Oooooohh this one is good one, she was being extra sassy that day.” The old women laughed, pointing out an obese white cat surrounded by torn up pieces of toilet paper littering around her. After what felt like the 100th photo of her cat in the same pose, Peter politely excused himself to the restroom to wait out the remaining ten minutes before your grand entrance.

He saw a couple of bridesmaids already lining themselves up behind the double set of doors. He could feel his heart clench and he felt a solid knot in his throat from his unshed tears. He didn’t think he could make it through the ceremony anymore, his bravery slipping away from him slowly as he watched your father slowly approach the line of bridesmaids to get ready to walk you down the aisle to a man that wasn’t him.

He looked away quickly so your father wouldn’t see him. He didn’t have the heart to face him and he didn’t trust himself to look your father in the eye and say that he was totally ok with you marrying someone else.

He swallowed, noticing a straggling bridesmaid exiting a room off toward the left of the lobby area of the church. He was sure that’s where you were. He thought he could at least step in and say hello and tell you he was happy for you before he left the church. What he didn’t admit to himself was that he felt a desperate need to see you and talk to you before you were officially someone else's.

Peter looked over his shoulder, making sure nobody was looking and then grabbed the doorknob ready to open the door that led to you when all of a sudden it was swung open by one last bridesmaid. Peter bit his cheek, staring at the eyes of your best friend. He felt his ears turn pink when the maid of honor gave him a knowing look seeming to have read him like an open book.

“Hey Brooke,” Peter waved awkwardly. He saw Brooke look over her shoulder at something and then looked back at him.

“She’s in there,” Brooke whispered, moving to make room for Peter to come in. “Maybe she’ll listen to you.” Brooke sighed and patted Peter on the back and walked out of the room, leaving Peter alone with you.

You wringed your hands in front of the mirror. The hairstylist had done a good job and your mom had chosen a great dress but you just didn’t feel right. Your nerves were just getting to you, you reasoned.

You saw a face standing over your shoulder in the mirror and you turned quickly, having recognized it immediately.

You gasped, seeing Peter for the first time in 2 years. You didn’t think he would come. He looked more mature and just slightly taller. You noticed the expensive tuxedo he wore that fit him like a glove, no doubt compliments of Tony Stark. You didn’t miss the way Peter’s eyes mimicked yours and scanned over your frame.

“You look beautiful, y/n/n,” Peter said with a sad smile. His hands were tucked into his pockets and he walked toward you slowly.

You grimaced. Peter knew full blown that you hated ball gowns.

“I didn’t think you would come,” you breathed. The invitation had been sent on a whim. You had felt low one day, after your fiancé had hated the flowers you had picked for the centerpieces and your bouquet. You had chosen sunflowers because they had always been your favorite. But you had given in and changed them. And now Peter was standing in front of you, giving you the same, shy smile as the one he gave you the first time you two had met when he had shared his umbrella with you.

Peter picked up your bouquet from the side table and looked at the roses. “You hate roses” he stated flatly.

“But Nathan likes them,” you said simply. Peter looked back up at you, searching your face for something.

“I wouldn’t have made you change your flowers,” Peter stated, plucking a petal from one of the roses.

“Peter, I have to go, I have 5 minutes to make my entrance,” you rushed out but you didn’t dare move, not when Peter had decided to close the space between you two. The scent of his favorite shampoo engulfed you and it reminded you of how much you missed running your fingers through his messy hair.

“How did we get here?” You inhaled sharply feeling Peter tuck a strand of hair that had fallen out of your updo behind your ear. His fingers had ghosted across your cheek and you felt a swirl of emotions erupt in the pit of your stomach.

“Why didn’t you come back, y/n.” You swallowed, looking into Peter’s brown eyes. You recognized the pain he felt hidden in his eyes because it was reflected in yours.

“Peter I can’t do this right now,” you sighed, walking toward the door and out of his reach but you stopped dead in your tracks when Peter said, “I still love you, you know.” Your heart stopped for a second and you stared down at your bouquet of roses, feeling regret wash over you, replacing the nerves you had felt before.

“I think I always will. It’s been two years and my feelings haven’t changed. I feel the same way I felt that stormy night that had cut my patrol short. The same night I met you. Who would have thought I’d meet my soul mate under an umbrella?”

You turned around, tears prickling at your eyes. You regretted walking out on him now. You could still hear his his screams for you to not go, to not leave him, but you had ignored him and continued your march out of Avengers tower and into the awaiting taxi.

You had been so angry at him for coming back bloodied and bruised from yet another mission. You had begged him to not go in the first place. It had been so soon after his last mission that had gone south and had left him in coma for two months in Shuri’s lab. Two months of pure agony and prayers that wished for whatever higher being there was in the world to give you back your Peter.

But Peter had reasoned with you that he would be extra careful this time and Mr. Stark had taken all precautions to ensure nothing like the last mission would happen again. But he had come back with broken bones and several cuts and you couldn’t take it anymore. You couldn’t take the pain of being with him anymore, it was too much and you were only human. You weren’t a superhero like him and you needed out.

So you had walked away from him, walked away from the pain of uncertainty. You had ignored all of Peter’s cries and protests and now you felt regret wash over you because you knew you still loved him too.

“Look at me y/n and tell me you don’t love me anymore.” You swallowed but you couldn’t get rid of the knot in your throat as you slowly turned to face Peter. “Tell me that you don’t love me and I’ll walk out of this church and I’ll leave you alone forever.” A lone tear streaked down Peter’s face but he didn’t bother wiping it away. He was done hiding his feelings from you, it was now or never and he was damned if he didn’t take his chance and make the same mistake he made 2 years ago in letting you go without a proper fight.

“Why now Peter? Why didn’t you call me months ago or even when I sent you that invitation?” You felt the tears you had been holding back finally fall down onto your cheeks. “I sent you that invitation so you had my new address on the whim that you would come for me but you never did,” you laughed but you tasted the bitterness in your tone. “You never once called me after I left. It hurt to think that you had gotten over me so quickly Peter, you didn’t even chase after me.” Your vision blurred with the tears that were now let free.

“I thought that was what you wanted. I thought you needed space, I thought you wanted space y/n,” you hadn’t noticed Peter near you until you felt his thumb slowly wipe away your tears from your cheek. “I thought that when you were ready, you would come back.” Peter inched even closer to you, allowing his presence to envelope you like a familiar blanket. He scanned your entire face, taking in all the familiar curves and edges that he missed so much and had taken for granted. His gaze stopped for a second, seeing a familiar chain around your neck.

Peter touched the necklace you wore, finally being close enough to recognize the spider pendant he had given you all those years ago.

That small pendant allowed hope to erupt inside him “you’re still wearing it, even now, you’re wearing it on your wedding day.” Peter couldn’t help the small hopeful smile that grew on his lips.

“I couldn’t bring myself to take it off,” you muttered slowly, noticing the way Peter eyes had flicked down to your mouth. You saw him slowly start to lean in, eyes fixed on your lips and you knew that with one simple kiss, this whole sham wedding would be over. You wouldn’t be able to resist your feelings anymore and you would be his again.

Just as you were close enough to feel his breath on your lips, you two heard a knock at the door that made you guys jump away from each other.

“Is everything ok, sweetheart? You’re supposed to make your entrance soon. I can let them know you need a little extra time if you want.” You heard the muffled voice of your father outside the door and reality came crashing in. How could you leave Nathan like this? How could you face your family and tell them that the wedding was off because the love of your life had returned? How could you face Nathan and tell him that he had been a placeholder for Peter this whole time?

Peter could see the guilt rush into your eyes and he felt his small window of opportunity shutting to a close quickly and he pulled you against his chest. “Tell me you don’t love me and I’ll leave,” he whispered, feeling your sobs against his chest, knowing that you were torn between doing what you wanted and what was expected out of you.

“Peter, I have to go, I have to do what’s right.” You pushed against Peter’s chest and quickly wiped your tears from your face. Peter watched you grab your bouquet of roses and rush out of the room.

Peter inhaled sharply, reigning in his emotions after getting your final answer. He then walked out of the room and out of the church.

Peter felt empty. He could feel the rain soaking him but he couldn’t bring himself to care enough to open up his umbrella. He hadn’t bothered calling Happy for a ride back to the tower, he wanted to walk even if he got soaked. He needed to get his thoughts in order and he needed to compose himself before Mr. Stark saw him. He didn’t want Mr. Stark to feel guilty for having given him poor advice.

Just as Peter was rounding the corner of the street that the church was on, he heard a familiar, breathless voice yell his name. He stopped and turned quickly to see you running down the street after him, wedding dress hiked up to reveal your bare feet, having ditched the heels long ago to chase him down properly. You had wondered where he had gone after you rushed out of the room to tell you’re your father that you couldn’t go through with the wedding.

Brooke, your maid of honor overheard you. “Oh thank God! Don’t worry I’ll take care of everything, y/n. Now go chase after Peter, I just saw him leave! And don’t come back here unless you’re marrying the right guy this time.” Brooke practically pushed you out of the church. “And take off those blasted heels so you can catch up to to him”

You finally reached Peter and he could see you getting soaked like him from the rain and your pretty updo had come undone from your sprint but you didn’t care.

Once you caught your breath, you stood on your tippy toes and placed your lips onto Peter before your courage left you. It took Peter a second to respond but when he did, you felt the air from your lungs escape when he pulled you in tightly to his chest. His grip on you was clear, he wasn’t letting you go. He kissed you deeply, only ending the kiss when you two desperately needed air.

“I love you Peter Parker and I love Spiderman too,” you whispered, leaning your forehead against his. You saw Peter’s eyes light up and he smiled knowing that you had finally accepted all aspects of his job, including the dangers of being a superhero.

“I’m sorry I didn’t open this up sooner,” Peter smiled, capturing your lips with his once again. He held your chin gently with one hand and held the umbrella over your head with the other.

The same umbrella from years ago.

@crimsonredcoco @kawaiigothfishpasta @sawdustandsugar

#peter parker #peter parker x reader #peter parker x you #peter parker x y/n #tony stark #spiderman #spider-man: homecoming #avengers #infinity war #tom holland #tom holland x reader #tom holland x you

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sachi-pon · 6 years ago

Text

free! dive to the future episode 10 liveblog/review thing

i appreciate anyone who is actually reading these weird liveblogs, hahahahahaha. i know that i kind of ramble on and on and on. hopefully you guys like my rambles!!!

my previous liveblogs: (episode 1) (episode 2) (episode 3) (episode 4) (episode 5) (episode 6) (episode 7) (episode 8) (episode 9)

watch the episode here: http://www.crunchyroll.com/free-iwatobi-swim-club/episode-10-the-grab-start-of-hope-775641

***

"it wasn't anything special," says albert. haha this reminds me of something i get annoyed by... i hate when a highly skilled artist says this after making an amazingly good-looking artwork!! they're like "this is just a quick 10-minute doodle. sorry it's so ugly," and yet, it looks waaaaay better than my artwork *sob* *sob* *sob*

okay, that's a nice shot of albert's gorgeous body <3333

makoto knows about odin??? aaaaah he's so smart!!!! lol i had no idea who odin was.

so albert is not an alien, but a god?!?!?! and... haru's mind has been torn apart?? ;__;

STUPID GUY!!!!! he asked everyone else to leave, but i think he should give a married couples exception for makoto to go talk to haru <3

rin and sousuke meeting again ^_____^

that shirt rin gave him is so kawaii, lol. i wanna see him wear it tho.

rin being a little embarrassed was so precious!!!

*dramatic pause* A SUCCESS!!!!!!! (yay!!!)

I HATE HOW THIS SHOW GIVES ME SO MANY FEELS, UGH.

rin isn't crying. he has pollen allergies that make his eyes watery, or something.

i know it was just a fist bump but it was the most romantic fist bump ever <33333

haru, come on, text makoto back pls ;__;

mako is so sweet, he apologizes when he did nothing wrong XD

just fyi, i am trying to watch this episode while eating and i keep forgetting to eat because i am too nervous lol

"i heard something from a friend..." uh, who?

massage?? =) =) =) sounds like a good idea to help haru =) *prays to kyoani writers to create this scene* PLEASE? ...PLEASE? ...PLEASE? ...PLEASE?

what happened to nao's eye? if this has already been revealed, then i forgot ^__^U

mako leans down while talking to masaki, that's a little detail i noticed that is so cute <3333

wait, we didn't find out who nao's "friend" was...

even ladybugs are attracted to makoto's awesomeness. hey if i were a ladybug, i'd land on makoto too.

mako's phone is vibrating. IT'S HARU!!!!! ... no, it's not =(

omg what??? congrats, rei!!! and to think, he didn't even like swimming.

i love how a dark cloud just randomly appeared behind rei lol

nagisa mentions how everyone is going to see each other in tokyo... omg, there's going to be a big reunion!!! =D i am so excited!! =D

haru suddenly becomes this magical fairy tale prince. okay, i'd watch that anime. XD

omg makoto looks adorable in that outfit. <3

"BKC NANASE" LOL WTF GOU. what is wrong with you. XDDDDD

hahaha makoto's facial expression is like "uhhhh this is kinda strange"

makorin date yaaaaay XD all right, to be honest, i kinda ship it. >////< like, not seriously, but like... kinda sorta. a little bit. they are cute together!!!

um, that thing is not cute at all. ^__^U

rin, how are you calling someone else weird when you have shark teeth????

makoto being so happy about sousuke's surgery is melting my heart... (but my heart has already been melted many times this season so i don't understand how it is still melting more and more...)

makoto (casually): oh btw, haru swam an IM. rin: *spits his drink out all over makoto* WAIT WHAT?!?!!?!??!?!?!? hahahahahaha

rin is so dramatic, like he is about to lead an army into battle. but he's just going to go with makoto to see haru. XDDDDD

whoa, haru looks mad o__o

hey coach... don't be so hard on haru!! it's not haru's fault that he lost to an alien god.

no, haru wasn't always this competitive. he is acting out of character...

haru's like "this is stupid, i'm outta here." lol.

there is really dramatic music during this casual conversation so it's kinda weird

"he doesn't listen to a thing i say." but that's because what you're saying is confusing and vague.

"i haven't looked at my phone in two weeks" huh??? how are you a young person in today's world who doesn't use their phone??? something is extremely wrong here. XD

hahaha i figured this would happen. makoto would explain things in a way haru would understand. of course haru understands mackerel, hahahahaha, makes sense to him!!!

i love how haru took a moment to think about what mako said. that was funny. ^__^

rin is like "good, i approve of this mackerel teaching method."

i can imagine that haru is pretty surprised to suddenly see rin appear out of nowhere!!! o__o

"i was swimming, but it didn't feel like i was swimming." huh???

soft piano music in the bg, awwww it's so cute.

huh? makoto heard what rin said, through the windows? either rin was talking very loudly or makoto has hearing superpowers. XD

"what can i do?" asks makoto. well, makoto, i have an idea. why don't you give haru a massage, like nao instructed you to do earlier in this episode????? come on!!! (okay, so maybe that's not exactly what nao said, but that's what i heard!!)

yes, mako knows haru well, but it's also true that he is good at reading people in general, not just haru. of course, haru is the person he can read most of all, but makoto can also read others.

wooooow that little part with haru taking off his swimcap and shaking his head as sparkling drops of water fall around him was one of the most magical moments of my life and i will cherish it forever.

"don't tell him that." makoto should totally tell him that. =P

i literally laughed out loud at the timing of haru (and rin) walking into the room. haru, you should have come in just a little bit earlier and then you would have heard what was just said about you that you weren't supposed to hear!! lol!!!

haru is so confused like "why is he a good coach? he's just annoying."

ugggghhhhh, makoto, you are not listening to me. -___-UUUU you are blatantly ignoring what i said. i said give HARU a massage. you've got the wrong person!!!! ;___;

misaki doesn't really know all the specific examples you're talking about, makoto... ^___^U

"i'm sure swimming with natsume-kun again will open your eyes, too." well, idk about that. i thought haru was the only one who has the power to give people epiphanies while swimming with them...

well this is awkward. misaki and natsume aren't happy to see each other =(

his goggles flew off??? i feel sorry for his eyes, then! XD but i guess this is the "opening your eyes" makoto was talking about hahahaha

awwwww that is so sweet. natsume was happy for just a second and then he held back because he didn't want to make misaki feel bad awwwww ;__; ;__;

...but misaki was a good sport and congratulated him anyway. okay, it's official: these two kids are extremely adorable!! =)

why is makoto so shocked that he helped misaki? that's kinda the entire point of his job. XD

makoto has a new dream!!!! he's so fired up and determined. aaaah i love him so muuuuuch <3333

aaaaaaand here comes the iwatobi crew. this will be fun!!! =D

ummm okay, that's it. the episode's over... i am sad because that was a fun episode to watch. i really liked it, and that's because this episode had a lot of makoto in it, so of course i'm going to like that. XD and i just loved seeing makoto discover some of his own strengths. he even figured out his new dream at the end. he's just so special!!!! he is someone who has a positive impact on other people around him, and that is so clearly seen. it makes a lot of sense that he wants to be a trainer. he knows how to bring out the potential in others, because he can understand their feelings and figure out the best way to challenge them and encourage them.

oh, and... as of now, it is a real, true, canon fact that makoto is good at massages, which is yet another thing that makes him more perfect. <333333 this is really important to me. no seriously, this is something that matters to me a lot. this is like if the writers had thought, "hmm. what can we make makoto do that would be the #1 most amazing wonderful thing that sachi-pon would love???" it's like they read my mind and are trying to appeal specifically to me!!! ^___^ this is exactly what i would have thought of... uh... i mean... already thought of. okay, i thought about this a long time ago. >///////< but now this has gone beyond my fangirl fantasy and is a real thing that exists in the actual show. XDDDD hooray!!!!!! *waves pom-poms like a cheerleader* now all i need is a scene of makoto using his massage skills on you-know-who, and i'll be fine. ^__^

yes, i do have a problem with being too addicted to makoto. no, i do not intend to see a doctor. i intend to live with this problem forever. <3

wait... were there other people in this episode too? i forgot about everyone else besides makoto. uh, oh yeah. there was haru. he was so sad after the loss, but i think he's starting to feel better now, so that's good. i was getting worried when he wasn't texting makoto. =( don't do that anymore, haru!!! ;__;

also, there was rin, and later, makoto, finding out about sousuke's surgery. both of them had such excited reactions!!! and yes, rin, you cried, admit it!!! (haha) but yeah, it just shows how much those two care about sousuke. i loved those moments!!!

i am so happy for the big reunion in the next episode. i think it's going to be a little crazy, but definitely a lot of fun!! and of course, rin and haru's big showdown. who will win?!?!?!? also, what about the mysterious alien god????? how can anyone defeat him? the only way to defeat him is for haru to... TURN INTO A MERMAN!!!!!!!!!! (yes, i am still talking about merman throughout this whole season)

#free!#free! dive to the future #anime review #anime reviews #anime liveblog

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franeridart · 7 years ago

Note

Thank u for that sweet sweet awase content, I love that boy

Thank you for liking it!!!! :O

Anon said:Do you take constructive criticism? (Not a joke lol actually curious)

Nope. Since I don’t study art, I’m not currently actively trying to become better at it, all I do is doodle whatever silly idea I have at the moment without an actual clue of what I’m doing while at it and post it cause people seem to like it when I do, concrit is literally the last thing I need. By which I mean, I already know my art could be way better than it is, but getting better at it isn’t really the reason why I’m posting it. To be honest, if I wanted someone to crit my doodles I’d sign up for an actual class to have a real teacher tell me how to get better, I wouldn’t turn to the first random anon on tumblr with no way of proving to me they have any more clue about art than I do

Anon said:Imagine this, Kirishima with really long hair

No need to imagine it when @50shadesofhq already did such an amazing job drawing him~

Anon said:Hey!!! I want to thank you for...existing 😁 Tonight I was feeling really sad and finding your art has “brought me back to life” so as to say, so thank you. Your art is incredibly good so please keep believing in yourself and your skills, and keep making beautiful pieces like you are doing now 🤗🤗🤗

Thank you!!!! So much!!!! I’m glad my stuff could help you feel better ;^;

Anon said: hi i just wanted to let you know that you're one of my favorite artists ever and you make so much good content for so many fandoms that i love like i first found your blog through haikyuu!! and then i found the bnha and now yowapeda and everything else aaaaaa i'm rambling now but whenever i see your art it makes my day and j wanted to say that by e

!!!!!!!!!!! glad you like my stuff!!!! and mostly glad you like ywpd, that fandom feels so small honestly!! :D

Anon said:Hey I just wanted to let you know that I love all of your artworks with all of my heart and it always makes my day a bit brighter to see that you have posted something new :)

Oh man thank you so so so so so so much!!!!! ;O;

Anon said:I'm not even all that familiar w awase but I'm still blown away by your drawings of them they look !!!! So good !!!

THANK!!!!! YOU!!!!!! He’ll play a nice part at some point next season, I hope you’ll end up liking him!!! ;u;

Anon said:I love seeing that kiribaku at the top of your art blog (at least on mobile??). It makes me feel so warm the moment I check your blog. (Still love the old banner too tho!!!!)

I’m glad you like it!!!!! Warm colors make me feel good so I wanted something like that on my blog :D one day I’ll change the icon too..... one day........

Anon said:I LOVE YOUR ART OK?? AND I MAY HAVE JUST SPENT TWO HOURS SCROLLING THROUGH YOUR BLOG BUT OH MY LORD IS IT WORTH IT. You are an amazing artist and I hope you have the most wonderful and brilliant of days. Ps. Thank you for giving bakubro the love he deserves PPs. Your jirou drawings make me unbelievably happy

THANK YOU!!! THIS IS SUCH A GOOD ASK I’M HAPPY THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! ;O;

Anon said:Do you still headcanon baku and Mina as dragon shifters or is it just Kiri at this point? (I still freaking love tiny dragon baku lol)

Yes and no! My fantasy drawings aren’t exactly telling a story, so I’m doing whatever with them - it’s not really headcanons, it’s just me playing around with any idea I find entertaining at the moment!! So yes, definitely, Baku and Mina as dragon shifters are still a thing I love a lot and I might draw more in the future! But that doesn’t exclude me drawing for the AU in a setting where only Kiri is a dragon either~

Anon said: Ur dragon Kiri half-shifted made me have this idea : if he n Baku r cuddling and he's like that and Baku feels an itch, he'll just rub himself against Kiri to do the scratching (Kiri isn't even bothered, nor complaining, Baku kinda looks like a cat when he does that and he's in l o v e)

You know anon, considering Kirishima’s quirk Bakugou could technically do that in the original universe too hahaha

Anon said:More band au bakushima pls!! 🙏 My crops are dying

Anon said:You better do the after show of the band AU or i will die. I mean... i already die with Bakugou say "pretty boy" to Kiri, but you know.... please do the after show asdfghj

Maybe soon!! I don’t exactly have a clear idea of how that plays out, but I enjoy drawing Bakugou like that so why!!! not!!!!

Anon said:I live for your art! Thank you for creating such amazing content ♥️

SOB thank you for liking my stuff and letting me know you do!!!!

Anon said:HOOOLLLYYYYY SHIT, THAT SKETCH OF BAKUGOU W THE HELLA EYELINER AND THE TATTOOS??? I AM SHOOK

GLAD YOU LIKED HIM!!!

Anon said:Oh mamma the way you draw Kiri’s forearms! Le swoon 😍😍😍

!!!!!! He’s a buff boy after all!! :D

Anon said:Are you okay with fans coloring your lineart, or does it bother you? (Not with the intention of posting anywhere, just for fun and maybe to submit it back to you later) I know how you feel about altering your work, but what's the drill for this specifically?

I don’t mind but you have to promise me you’re not posting them anywhere - if it’s just for your personal entertainment then it’s fine, I can’t really stop you anyway, but I really don’t want them anywhere online.

Anon said:Hello! I wanna say your bakugou and kirishima comics are adorable! I wanted to ask, do you think Bakugou would be as open with showing his soft and mushy emotions for kirishima around the others like in your comics? Like how he was okay with snugs on the couch, you don’t think he’d want to be more privet?

Sure, why not? Bakugou’s never hidden his feelings in the manga, nor has he ever felt embarrassed by them! He’s a bit awkward in showing affection I guess, but to me it feels more because he isn’t used to it than because he wants to hide it - if he were to start dating Kirishima he’d definitely have no problems with letting everyone know they’re in a relationship of that sort, I think :D well, it’s just my interpretation of it anyway haha

Anon said:Your art is just so beautiful, Im iN LOVE I CANTNWKWISIWIKW PLS KEEP DRAWING

I CAN TRY !!!!!!!! Thank you so much for the support!!!!

Anon said:Do you ever get that feeling when you have a ship and you see art for it and suddenly you get hit with a "oh fuck I really love them" cause that happens every times you post kiribaku ! I always get butterflies in my stomach when I see your art, you make the cutest scenarios and you keep their personalities right it never seems ooc. You honestly make the best comics/art I'm so glad you're in the bnha fandom

Oh my god thank you so much!!! ;A; sob

Anon said:you've heard of jiroukami but have you considered: jiroushido

Yup! I’ve also drawn them in the past!! They’re in my MinaJirou tag :D

Anon said:your band au is officially my favourite thing on this site i love it and i love you thankyou

Thank you so much holy heck!!!! ;O;

Anon said:Your art is so cute and makes me smile everytime I see it! Thank you for always making my day better!

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!! I’m!!!!!!!!!!! Glad !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anon said:I’m so gay for your art it’s so fucking sexy dude

Oh my g od are you sure the word you meant to use is sexy I’m ??? !!!!

Anon said:Consider,,,,, bakugou with glasses

I did draw that in the past!!!

Anon said:pssst fran have u heard that in bnha light novel baku is actually scared of ghost story???

Seriously??? :O is there a translation for that part anywhere online?? :O :O

#fran answers #i just realized the answer about the concrit sounds a bit snappy #that wasn't my intention at all #all i mean is that im a fragile baby that gives herself strength to keep posting and drawing #through knowing this is a place for sketches and doodles of dubious-to-low quality #i don't really need to change that or put pressure on myself to try and be good #when i know i'm really not #the moment i'll wish to change something in my style i'll look it up and slowly work to fix whatever problem i found #meanwhile im definitely not posting to be criticized over something i never even studied seriously #so there's that #anonymous

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goodsbrown890 · 3 years ago

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chantalkrcmar · 4 years ago

Text

India Receding…Further and Further

29 April 2021

As western news outlets catch on more and more to the enormous COVID tragedy unfolding in India, more and more people here in the US are asking how our friends and family there are doing.

And what do I say?

The truth is almost unbearably hard.

My mother-in-law, Sudha Dave (Mummy to Rahul and me; Dadi to Anamika), died unexpectedly a couple days ago. Another COVID casualty. Because of COVID’s burden on India’s already patchy and weak healthcare system, Mummy did not get the medical care she needed. So, though she will not be counted in the official COVID statistics, COVID was a contributing factor. (A note about the Indian government’s official COVID stats: Do not trust them. Currently, they put the COVID fatalities at 200,000 — not even counting those who died victims of the failing healthcare system. Experts claim the fatalities directly from COVID are actually already one million.)

The advice most everyone in India is getting right now from medical professionals and the government is: do not go to the hospital unless you are at death’s door. The unspoken message is also: And even if you are at death’s door, do not come expecting to get the care you need. Maybe you’ll be lucky, and maybe you won’t. Well, our family doctor gave my in-laws that advice when Mummy started having breathing trouble and low oxygen levels. My mother-in-law and father-in-law knew she was not well, but they thought she must be stable. Her doctor probably knew, but my in-laws did not know she was actually on death’s door. So once they brought her to the hospital, she went into cardiac arrest and that was it.

So what do I say to well-intentioned folks who ask me about India now? To us, it’s not an abstract headline in the New York Times or a clip on NPR. It’s flesh and blood and lots and lots of tears.

Honestly, it’s been horribly hard to hear, “How are your friends and family in India?” when I can’t respond with a simple, “They’re safe and healthy. Thanks for asking.”

The real answer is more like “Absolutely horrible. My mother-in-law just died, ripping a huge hole in the fabric of our family. One that will take a good long time to mend. And one that right now is just goddamn painful. And almost everyone else we know is getting COVID, to boot. Thanks for asking.”

I’m not sure that’s what well-intentioned acquaintances want to hear.

My mother-in-law is gone, and with her, our experience of India is irrevocably and irreversibly changed forever. As I sit in the fog of grief, one of the many thoughts that keeps recurring is how much Mummy made India what it is to me. The first time I ever came to India, she met Rahul and me at the Mumbai International Airport with a gorgeous bouquet of flowers in hand. As she passed them to me, she said, “Welcome home.” Within minutes of getting to the apartment, we were sitting with hot cups of Ambubhai’s world famous chai in our hands. And so it began…At the time, I did not know how much India would become my second home. I came to find over time that Mummy was right. I was coming home.

Our family home in Mumbai will be so…quiet…next time we’re there. My mother-in-law was a presence to be reckoned with. She brought a lot of laughter and love and zaniness and, yes, sometimes exasperation, into our home. She and Anamika would paint together, and watch Paw Patrol in Hindi, and have epic battles of the will over how much aanda or dhal or bhindi or chapati Anamika would eat. Ultimately, though, my mother-in-law adored Anamika so much that…well, who do you think won their battles of the will? We all managed to live together through the world’s harshest lockdown without even fighting that much. Even while going through it, I knew how remarkable that was. Sure, there were annoyances, and sure there were some arguments, but we five adults and one four year old managed pretty well.

My mother-in-law was imperious, curious, quite adventurous — especially for a woman who was raised in a time in India when girls and women were expected to be nothing but docile and demur. Many, sadly, are still expected to be that way. She loved Anamika’s feistiness and self-assurance, probably partly because she saw parts of herself, and her aspirations for herself, in her little granddaughter.

Mummy’s death is having wide ripple effects. Anamika and I are grief stricken; Rahul is, of course, even more so. Ambu Uncle is a mess, too. On WhatsApp video calls, he looks so drained. Riaz Uncle, my in-laws’ driver who hasn’t really driven them anywhere all year but is still being paid (if only other Indians would be as fair and humane as my father-in-law) looked stricken when we spoke to him on WhatsApp too. My father-in-law called Riaz Uncle to come drive them to the hospital so Mummy could get a CT Scan and then drive them home. Nobody knew that it would be a one-way trip.

Tutuji and Hemanta are also so affected. When we called to tell them Mummy had died, Tutuji and Rahul both broke down and sobbed together. Tutu and Hemanta have stayed in our home in Mumbai with all of us many times over the years. Hemanta calls my in-laws Dada and Dadi, just like Anamika does. Over the past couple days, Hemanta has been calling us regularly. Our 11 year old foster son is acting so mature. He inquires, “Has Haathi Papa [Rahul] eaten lately? Is he sleeping enough?” Hemanta also called us in the middle of the night yesterday to report that he had called Ambu Uncle to check in on him and Dada. He is concerned about them too. “Dada has eaten cherries,” he solemnly told us. Hemanta’s care for them is so touching. Anamika has also been so attentive to Rahul. She’s been hugging him and holding his hand and stroking his head when he cries. She keeps saying, “Dadi was my Dadi.” And then she reluctantly follows with, “And she was yours, too, Papa.”

Now we all must mourn and celebrate Mummy together over WhatsApp. Rahul’s cousin Alka, mercifully, lives in Mumbai and is fully vaccinated. So she’s been helping my father-in-law navigate the bureaucratic hoops, and the emotional fallout, that follow death. Alka helped Rahul “attend” Mummy’s cremation through WhatsApp video. Because the COVID situation in India is such a nightmare, we cannot go there now. Many international flights to and from India are canceled anyway, and soon all will be. Rahul and I have not gotten our second dose of the vaccine yet either. My poor father-in-law can’t even have visitors right now. So he and Ambu field phone calls from friends and relatives, and then sit in their quiet home. A home that is stuffed with my mother-in-law’s being — her colorful sarees spilling out of one whole closet, her tiny bottles of shampoo, perfume, lotion everywhere. She had a funny habit of collecting small hotel toiletries from everywhere they traveled.

Anamika and Mummy painted together a lot during lockdown, but after we left India, my mother-in-law took her artwork to a new level. Using Anamika’s bedroom as her studio, she was constantly trying new techniques. She was waiting for our return so she could resume doing art with her favorite creative companion, Anamika. The fact that that day never did come is such a loss for her and for Anamika. Theirs was a bond that brought me such joy. My only surviving grandmother when I was a child was downright mean. So to see how much love my mother-in-law showered on Anamika was heartwarming. So that’s what a grandmother/granddaughter relationship is supposed to look like!

I never thought when we left India in September that we’d never see Mummy again. We knew that my in-laws were in a high risk category for COVID, but we also knew they were willing to be shut-ins until the pandemic was past and that Ambu Uncle would take excellent care of them. I think we overlooked the fact that the Indian healthcare system would totally collapse, leaving them at risk if anything else went wrong.

This post is obviously about my mother-in-law, but the grief over her death is being compounded by our stress and worries about others in India, too. I am not sure I can even appropriately convey how dire the situation in India is now. As I was writing this post, I got a message from Thresiamma, a friend who runs an NGO in Kerala, the south of India. She is 74 and she has COVID. She has taken a turn for the worse and was hospitalized. I hope she makes it out. But I am not too terribly hopeful. And Rahul’s good friend Ahmet who lives in Mumbai has told him that about 10% of his co-workers have died of COVID. His colleagues were not elderly — nor were they poor and unable to afford medical care. It’s just not available much of the time — no matter who you pay off. The Indian crony system has met its match during this pandemic.

Here’s a little taste of just how bad it is in India...

https://thewire.in/government/india-covid-19-government-crime-against-humanity

Right before the pandemic hit India, we took a little family vacation to one of our favorite travel destinations: Kodaikanal, a small town in the Western Ghat mountains in Tamil Nadu. Thank the gods we got there one last time. Who knew what was just around the corner?!

I snapped this photo of Anamika hamming it up with her Dadi and Dada in front of one of our favorite spots in Kodai: The Pastry Corner, a little hole-in-the-wall bakery with the most amazing South Indian filter coffee, delectable homemade ice cream and gooey pastries. The Pastry Corner is tiny; it’s grimy; the ice cream server’s nine fingers were always dirty. But we all loved it and made a daily pilgrimage down the road to share outdoor benches jam-packed with locals and sticky from all the treats customers had been dropping all day. Best. Place. Ever. (And, no, those coffee cups were not all ours. Just most of them were.)

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