#(( sorry for taking so long i had to figure out what the heck flag i have and why peoole think gender is hot or whatever. ))

[takingthefastlane]

❣️ - What are their love languages?

🤔 - What’s something they’ll never understand?

🎶 - What’s a song they really like?

💝 - What gestures do they really appreciate? How do you get on their good side?

🏳️‍🌈 - What do they identify as? What are their pronouns?

Misc. Ask Meme

{ Owah that's alot sksks but imna give it a go! }

-❣️

{ Quickshadows Love languages consists of "Acts of Service" & "Gift giving" She's very secretive about it though. Since developing feelings is an unexpected thing for her, She tries to go about it as carefully as possible. She'll leave gifts and letters under the guise of a secret admirer... to test the waters. }

----

-🤔

" Pogo sticks. WHAT IS THE POINT???"

-----

- 🎶

{ Don't tell her I told you- But when she's alone Sometimes she likes to dance alone to Soft romance songs, Right now this one is her favorite 👆🏾 }

----

-💝

{ She enjoys small gestures. If you pay attention enough to remember little details that's important to her or others, that's a surefire way to gain her respect. }

---

-🏳️‍🌈

{ whatever the heck this is 👆🏾 (( I identify as this so I'm dragging her down this tunnel with me sksks)) }

[tales-of-the-alchemist]

What Happened to Project Obsidian? Late Update

Hello dear followers of this blog and the former Project Obsidian members. As of right now, I found out I am the only person who has access to this account (unfortunately not the main Project Obsidian Blog). I figure it is time to post an update even if its two years late and I have long since moved on from this fandom. 

Who I am isn’t important. All you need to know is that I was very heavily involved within the project and my leaving this project helped to cause it to completely end. I won’t post names here, but for those who know, know exactly who I am talking about and the exact details. Heck, some people can even guess who I am just by these words alone.

It’s a long story that I will post below. The most important part is that I will update this blog with concepts and pages that never made it out to the public. I’ll try to credit whoever did it (though I do apologize if I forget who made them as its been two years and not everything was documented nor credited properly).

What Happened to Project Obsidian? Well, here is the story.

I was a heavily involved member in the Project Obsidian community and was even the “leaders” in the project. It was a position dropped on me suddenly just because I was just doing things that the group should already be doing. 

The project only started up as a thing between friends but quickly grew and spread. The problem was there was so much focus on promoting but not enough on the creative side. I was actually one of the first appointed group leaders and I was deeply upset that the project had yet to start. I was technically the first in line to get the project started anyways and with no direction or help from the higher ups, I decided to take things into my own hands. 

I gave out my team assignments and encouraged others to get involved and pitch their own ideas. I documented these ideas (those who remember this document know that I spent months updating this document constantly). This started to get everyone to actually begin to work on the comic which was exciting at the time. But... I was the one to kick start the project, not the leadership. I’m not trying to brag rather I am trying to state how much of this should of been a red flag at the start... and how I really should of left before this started. 

Because you see...the main problem with Project Obsidian is that one person wanted not the community involvement. Honestly, I do believe the person wanted to present only their set of ideas and using the excuse of it as a project to only set forth their ideas and everyone has to help bring their ideas to life. As a result, many creators never got proper credit and the person “in charge” was too involved in everything yet nothing at the same time.

I was the one who actually ran the meetings. I was the one checking up progress on everything. I was the one organizing. I did so many things yet I had no clue what my own job was actually supposed to be. I spent so many hours on this project that it hurts. 

This project has always been flawed with leadership and even I admit I messed up as well. I do try with best intentions even if I fail and I hurt others. I am sorry for whoever I had hurt during those times. 

I’d say probably one of the most major incidents in the project that really began to the driving wedge was the debate about Varian and the 7 Kingdoms (Vat7K). I am personally never a big fan of the possible spin off, but I do not hate it and I am glad others are able to create content. However, the person in charge didn’t like Vat7K at all. There was a rule within the server that banned posting any OCs that didnt belong to yourself or anyone in the server... which truthfully was just a rule to exclude Vat7K content. (I was foolish and never realized that was the case til it was too late). They wanted to ban 7K entirely and the rest of the leadership including myself didn’t want that. We wanted to encourage others to create content. (The person in charge also did gave a rather terrible comment to another person for posting that content). So, the person in charge gave us a compromise.... essentially they wanted us to blackmail the people who created Vat7K and send hateful emails to them saying they ruined the fandom and other horrible things. It still makes my stomach churn even writing it to this today. I’ll just say the compromise we made wasn’t much better and I was so tired with no sleep and always arguing and yelling that we made a stupid compromise and tried to get opinions from the server. Either way, I do admit I didn’t help despite my best attempts (though I do thank everyone who seemed to realize that I was just trying my best to have a peaceful and civil discussion and resolution. And everyone who checked up on me as a result). This marked the project with a bad stain and many people did leave. 

There were many more smaller incidents that honestly drove many of us up the walls. Too much harsh “critiques” which really was just outright mean, too much involvement where there shouldnt be (and didn’t allow the team leads to do their jobs), not enough guidedance from the people who should be doing their jobs (aka leadership), they didn’t want to credit people for concepts (a thing that i fought so hard about and was so mad about), etc. I was so overworked and tired to compensate for people not doing their jobs and the jobs they continued to pile on me.

This eventually cumulated to where one admin had left the server. Honestly, I do not remember what was quite the reason anymore. But the next part I do remember clearly. I basically was asking (for the millionth time) what is everyone doing and what not. The leader basically said I did nothing for the project and I was livid. For those who know me, I spent so much of my time dedicated to the project and my sleep schedule was nonexistent. I helped whoever I could and always tried my best even if I fallen short several times. I had easily over 30 things I did during the Project... most of it I did at the same time. Heck, I was even doing something for the project at the time we were having that discussion too.  

So, I quit. I cried, I wept. Months of work and my own life that I put into this project was now gone. It was a relief yet I was so upset too. I truly did love the project hoping it to become the project it should of been. 

It quickly became a shitstorm to put it lightly as the other leaders followed suit leaving and tired of the controlling behavior from the person in charge. We were never allowed to voice our own opinions and was constantly fought back. It was terrible. 

We tried to compromise and stating that we come back if the person in charge stepped back and gave the server ownership role to someone else. They would still be allowed to be involved in the project despite the many rules they broken that they set themself. They refused. So, we all left PO permanently.

To make sure the other group leaders weren’t surprised, we notified them ahead of time and already left a link to another project we started. (this is an entirely different story and reasons why I also left that project and the stuff that went down in there) 

PO quickly began to decline and fall out of favor. With that person only running the show, they tried to make it seem like everything was alright... but they were posting personal information about others about reasons why they weren’t participating or to compensate heavily for the many people who left. 

I still got dms about this which I did try to fix or notify them on ways to fix it. 

We even got accusations that we were spreading rumors about PO and how bad it is. (We never did and frankly discouraged any discourse about PO in the server. In fact, I was in another TTS server where they openly stated how they didn’t like PO and admitted to telling others not to join PO. This was by former members of PO- not anyone currently involved in the project or the other project ironically.) 

Then, one day... the discord server of Project Obsidian was deleted suddenly. It disappear. The person in charge had enough and deleted it without warning. 

All that remains is the folders of concepts that never got posted.

So, after ensuring nobody else has access to this blog (aka they left/quit this blog), I have sole custody of it as of right now. I still have access to many of the concepts because the person in charge couldnt delete them.

To which, I want to post all of the wonderful content made by the various of people involved with the project. I hope to credit those who were invovled, though I already know those who do not wish to be credited or be involved at all with the project anymore, hence I will credit them in a different way (aka I’ll give them a unique anonymous credit so you know it was made by one person but not another). 

It will be over a period of time but thank you to everyone who was a wonderful member of the community and for supporting this project. I will be opening the ask box and submission boxes if you have content you wanted to post when you were part of the project. Or if you want to have questions answered and I will possibly answer them as long as I can stay anonymous.

[downtonabbeyrevisited]

Season Two Episode Four

A 1918 timestamp ushers us into one of Downton’s more slow moving episodes where three parts painful banality has been mixed with one part life-or-death peril.

Providing more interesting political and cultural conflict than WW1 (at least at Downton) is Isobel’s ongoing grating at Cora’s very soul. Cora has had the temerity to ensure that the staff don’t collapse on their feet and has done something with the linen that I can’t quite fathom which, of course, Isobel takes as a slight upon her medical knowledge. Isobel makes the fatal error of calling Cora’s bluff threatening to ‘seek some other place’ if she is not appreciated at Downton. Major Clarkson also takes sides with Cora and Isobel now has no choice but to throw herself and her messiah complex upon the Red Cross in Northern France. I am sure they will be thrilled. 

With Isobel’s departure, Moseley and Mrs Bird find themselves at a loss having deep cleaned the house and moaned about their employer’s eating habits. Turns out that one thing they forgot to do was deploy any semblance of a security system as a random man with a drama school limp wanders into the house looking for food. In a manner that would make the current Conservative front bench recoil with horror, Mrs Bird starts up a soup kitchen out of her own (presumably rather small) pocket. In her latest attempt to not do her job, Mrs Patmore drags Daisy out for some fresh air and in the process uncovers this particular bit of well meaning but financially unsustainable charity. Mrs Patmore scales up the operation, creating a “special storage area” to squirrel away surplus from the army’s stock, which O’Brien conveniently overhears (but to be honest, it’s not that much of a coincidence. I imagine most of the kitchen heard it considering that Mrs Patmore practically yelled it). In an effort to try and inject a bit of actual drama into this episode, O’Brien reports this to Mrs Hughes but (un)fortunately, Mrs Hughes could not care less. But after watching the world’s most appalling secret handover of goods in the village, O’Brien rallies and this time is successful in bringing Cora to the nefariously compassionate Bird-Patmore coalition. To absolutely everyone’s surprise (viewers included) Cora orders food to be taken from the house stock rather than army and with all the over-confidence of a consultant sets about re-arranging tables and streamlining the workflow. 

Feeling much less charitable than Mrs Bird, Moseley heads to the Abbey and attempts to make himself indispensable and reach the dizzying heights of ‘Valet to the Earl of Grantham’. But not long after the peels of laughter that such a notion invites have died down, Bates returns and takes Mr Molesley’s shoehorn which one can’t help but think is emblematic of something. The return of Mr Bates is, naturally, a painfully protracted process that involves key protagonists not talking to each other, Thomas smoking on a wall, and the obligatory invocation of Kamal Pamuk. Robert invites Bates back to help him through the ‘veil of shadow’ and as such I was intrigued to learn that he is a World of Warcraft devotee. Bates reappearance downstairs also allows for the return of two other key Downton Abbey tropes: Anna and (John)Bates having a heart to heart under the cover of darkness, and Thomas and O’Brien’s irrational loathing/scapegoating of Britain’s most infuriatingly lovelorn character (outside of Thomas Thorne) to resume with aplomb. 

Less happy to be within the confines of the Abbey is Edith who continues to signal that all of this is really a bit beneath her (certain elements quite literally). Ever the teacher’s pet, Mr Molesley reports the sighting of an Officer by the maid’s staircase to Mrs Hughes who hears that there have been lots of rumours on the timeline tonight and comes out to say that she does not live in a sack. Unfortunately, Major Bryant does not live in one but definitely frequents one and, as such, it is of course Ethel is dismissed. As she rapidly packs all her belongings, Anna pleas to Mrs Hughes on her behalf confirming that she is indeed the friend we all want but probably don’t deserve. But Mrs Hughes can’t get rid of her that easily as Edith (and passenger) skulk back to liven up the end of the episode with news of an oncoming baby *Eastenders drums intensify*. 

Talking of undeserving relationships, Sybil and Branson receive more air-time than usual, providing the latter the opportunity to demonstrate that at times he really can be a muppet. And a slightly malevolent one at that. Sybil is firmly under the cosh this week with Violet making thinly veiled references to inappropriate alliances and Mary asking probing questions whilst she tries to get on with her job. Mary thinks that she has spotted her sister and Branson having some kind of romantic exchange but in reality, all that she has seen from afar is Branson telling Sybil that she is in love with him which when you think about it, is all kinds of awful and hardly the basis for a healthy relationship. After a long walk through the grounds where I am half expecting Branson to appear on a horse Willoughby-style, Sybil eventually caves and confesses to Mary that she doesn’t know if she likes Branson despite his eminently creepy voice over. Sybil then relays her sororal confidence and rather than taking this as an opportunity to ingratiate himself, Branson for whatever reason attempts to coerce Sybil into a relationship but not before he belittles her job. Sybil looks rightfully outraged as some equally emotionally manipulative strings wail in the background in an attempt to try and make us think that anything that has just happened was evenly slightly dreamy. 

Threaded through this glacially paced episode has been the looming threat of a both a concert and the death of Matthew and (to a much lesser extent because that is how class works) William. In an effort to break the monotony of walking around the exact same bit of French trench (see previous re-caps for further details), William and Matthew take to wandering across some largely unadulterated land and into the path of some nonchalant Germans. Daisy’s lack of (presumably fawning) letters from William starts off a chain of enquiry which confirms that the War Office has declared Matthew and William missing enabling Mary to once again deploy her signature move: weeping into her gloves. But only one hand this time because she needs to keep a bit of composure for the show must go on! Apparently. Following some abysmal piano playing (I grew up in an appallingly musical household and we all had to endure the torture of other people at the early stages of learning an instrument. It was of course blissful when we got good but, heck, I was thrown straight back to the horror of it all with that ‘accompaniment’ and had an odd sort of stress response which I won’t describe here), Mary and Edith do a rendition of If You Were the Only Girl (In the World) as everyone looks on stony-faced before participating in the millenia’s most morose sing-a-long. With a very good sense of drama, Matthew and (to a much lesser extent) William make their return. Matthew takes his place at Mary’s side and joins in the signing to what is now presumably quite a bewildered audience. Ah, Downton. 

Romantic declaration of the moment 

Violet raises reasonable concerns about Richard Carlisle but Mary is more interested in expanding her real estate portfolio and agrees to throw her lot in with a fiscal agreement disguised as a marriage. Upon his ‘miraculous’ return, Matthew gives the union his blessing on the condition that Richard remains deserving. Not that he ever really was. But the sentiment is what matters here and what is more loving* than putting another’s presumed happiness before your own.

*there are actually a lot of other more loving things but in the interest of formatting, we’re going to sweep those under a very large rug for now. 

Expressive eyebrow of the week 

Rather than training as a nurse or being actually pretty useful in a convalescent home, Mary’s contribution to the war effort is being amicable with Edith. Violet declares that she has now “seen everything” as the spirit of Mrs Adelman moves on. 

Wait, what? 

“I wish we had a man” Presented without comment 

“If I am not appreciated here, I will seek some other place” Yes. PLEASE. 

“What must he do to persuade you he is in love with Lavinia? Open his chest and carve her name on his heart” No, Mary. Matthew merely needs to carve her name with a compass on his forehead to prove that… 

“I hate the word ‘missing’. It leaves so much room for optimism.” Robert is a bit emotionally weird isn’t he? 

“We haven't kissed or anything. I don't think we've shaken hands. I'm not even sure if I like him like that. He says I do, but I'm still not sure.” And lo, another red flag is raised. But because Branson is Downton’s version of a Bolshevik, both Mary and Sybil view this not as a warning about the boy’s behaviour but rather a symbol of his political leanings and such signals are duly ignored.

“He always seems a romantic figure to me” Daisy Robinson writes fanfic. Pass it on. 

“Sometimes in war, one can make friendships that aren't quite…appropriate. And can be awkward, you know, later on. I mean, we've all done it.” Once again, Violet, tell us more! 

Bates says that he has returned to “Downton at war” which sounds like a lucrative exhibition name if I ever did hear one. 

Despite Mary’s most valiant efforts, no musical performance had ever gone out to such an impassive audience until Rosalind came along 

Matthew of course is used to a much better quality sing-, sorry, song-a-long 

[wishingstarinajar]

Hi wish! I saw your latest post on Twitter and wanted to see if you are okay. Hiding in Anon to not be a bother. Sorry!

Ah, yes! Thank you, Anon, I am alright. Thanks for checking on me!

That Tweet was something that has been on my mind for a while but didn't really come out until I saw something earlier that sprung all those thoughts back to the front of my mind.

Forcing friendship onto someone is something I do have experience with. I've had people jump at me with the sole purpose of befriending me and while that's fine, some throw themselves full 200% into it and that's WAY too much, especially when they push too hard and have high expectations you aren't ready to meet (yet).

I'll put an example under the cut! ----

I knew someone who really liked my art and more specifically one of my characters. It started out okay with a lot of gift art from their side (PS: In hindsight, it was a little TOO much), complimented me high and low, putting me on a pedestal, and devoting so much time and energy into it all.

Sounds nice, right? Yeah, it was at first but I started to notice the red flags and so did others around me.

This person was dead set on claiming their favorite OC of mine for a ship. They also started to "test the boundaries", see if they/their persona/closest OC could be the only exception to my character's dislikes. When that didn't work, they used a different character more suited to/for my character and pushed HARD.

They tried to worm themselves into whatever I did and wherever I'd hang out.

All their focus was mostly on me, the people around us were of little interest to them unless those people would stroke their ego right and you know... that had always bothered me so much that I tried to give those people the attention that they weren't getting from this person (it was exhausting and caused a major burnout!).

Anyone who showed interest in my character was seen as a threat and the person turned possessive real quick to the point that it was very uncomfortable.

They would apply headcanons to my characters, or do with them whatever they pleased and it was more often than not done without discussing it with me beforehand. And when I would correct them or tell them to not do it? Cue the 'pity me' attitude.

They vented a lot too, exaggerated just as much, did a lot of guilt-tripping or self-deprecation, and relied on me to fix problems for them because I had experience in certain fields.

It was hard to say no because I did consider them a friend and didn't want to lose them, no matter how wrong a lot of things were. This was a mistake on my part (and a very common mistake a lot of people make).

Eventually, after several months of this, they told me they were bothered that they weren't as close to me as my bestie was. They had brought up this concern several times (always sugarcoated in different ways) and I would always tell them that the building of a friendship, ESPECIALLY a strong one, takes time to develop. In this case, it was a several years long *good* friendship versus that of but a few months. I told them the same thing again and, well, they didn't take it too well. We tried to talk it out. Heck, they were alright when they weren't so hyperfocused on me/my characters, lost in their energy and ideas or pushy, but it was safe to say that our friendship was not that great anymore from that point on. They didn't have the patience to build a genuine strong friendship; they wanted it yesterday. I was quietly 'dumped' with the silence and unwatch/unfollow treatment and well, I figured I would give them their space so I did the same afterward. I haven't spoken to them in a long time. What happened to this person afterward? Heh, well, they were very quick to dive onto a popular artist shortly after ending our friendship and went through the very same routine... Step by step, real quick. When that fizzled and died after but a few short months because the strength of the friendship wasn't as mutual as this person had hoped for (sounds familiar?), they did the whole 'dump and dive' shtick again with another popular artist and wouldn't you know it? The same routine. Again. It hurts to see.

---- Now to get back to what this post is actually about... Sorry for rambling! I keep seeing similar situations happen around me, the red flags and all, in many places and with various people. It was why I made that Tweet. I didn't try to accomplish anything with it, it was more a 'let me get this off my chest and out of my head' sort of thing. If it helped someone then good, if not, that's also fine.

I am not the best at friendships but I do want to say this; if a friendship makes you unhappy or stresses you out far too much, you need to start thinking about changing a few things. Not every friendship will click or work and that's okay. There's someone else out there that just might.

Also, don't let others force you into a corner with their ideas *for* you/your work/characters, no matter how nice they are and what they may have done for you. No is no. If they don't respect that, they don't deserve your respect either.

[wonniesmile]

❥ playground! (ep. 2)

⤷ ellie’s moments in playground episode 2! (ft. txt <3)

⤷ bulletpoint format!

⤷ after a long wait, episode 2 is finally out! don’t forget to leave suggestions for new fics!!!

“HOW THE HECK DID YOU BEAT ME AGAIN.”

huening and ellie were once again playing on the nintendo, waiting on the others to finish getting ready for the next shoot.

“ellie please. please let me win. just this once...for my dignity.”

the boy gets on the floor and starts bowing.

ellie starts freaking out, obvi.

“NO PLEASE DON’T BOW!”

she’s in a very frantic state at this very moment, no clue why...but, i mean it’s ellie...right?

“what’re you guys playing?”, “oh- um- mario k-”

ellie looks up from her position, DUN DUN DUN.

that was like...really cringe, i’m so sorry.

it was none other than the choi beomgyu. standing. right. in. front. of. her.

“oh- oh my god- uh- h- he- hello!” she musters up a greeting and quickly bows.

“you don’t need to bow ellie! we’re friends!”

oh no, this poor girl’s heart.

if she dies from an early heart attack, it was bcs of choi beomgyu, just giving everyone a heads up! /j

anyways, her face was like BEET red.

from across the room, her members were watching her every move.

sunoo was laughing at how serious the rest of them were.

“can you guys like...idk...calm down? she’s literally fine.”

“i know, but...” (jake)

“but what?” (sunoo)

“oh you know...” (jungwon)

“can ya’ll finish the damn sentence?” (sunoo and jay)

“it’s nothing...” (sunghoon)

“jesus christ, you guys are insane.” (sunoo)

“five minutes!”

ellie’s head shoots up.

“darn it, i almost beat you.”

“not even close huening, ellie is the master.”

her cheeks, once again, burn up.

before she could thank beomgyu, ellie is pulled away by jungwon.

“what the heck wonie?”

“it’s time to go.”

she’s obviously very confused? what was getting into him?

choosing to ignore his attitude, ellie obliges and lets the boy drag her into the studio.

he spoke no words...very odd.

ellie started overthinking...did she do something subconsciously???

“places please!” she massages her temples and goes backstage to wait for her group’s cue.

the episode started with each group dancing on stage.

their instructions were to “have fun!”

she gave it her ALL, messing around...and even getting into a dance battle with riki.

she found it absolutely hilarious, but unfortunately, her face dropped at the sight of jungwon.

obviously, something was bothering him, but she didn’t have the courage to ask...at least not now when everyone seemed to be having fun.

jungwon was not one to show his emotions outwardly, so to a normal person, he seemed like his usual self.

but, ellie knows better, she can read jungwon like the back of her hand...something was up.

she made a mental note to herself to ask him if he was ok after the shoot.

the first game was an absolute BLAST.

they were competing to see which team they would have to play on.

since there was an odd number of people, ellie didn’t have to compete against anyone. instead, she got to choose which team she wanted to be on.

(she secretly enjoyed it)

she looked at the two teams in front of her.

her original plan was to go into the yellow team so both teams would have an equal amount of enhypen members, but she felt iffy about doing so because of jungwon...

she could possibly be overthinking things, but she didn’t want to take any risks.

making eye contact with him one last time, she looks over at the red team and points finger guns at them.

“yay ellie!” beomgyu seemed way more enthusiastic than everyone else.

of course, ellie’s heart rate quickens at the weird observation.

the team name choosing was absolutely wonderful.

beomgyu came up with ‘brave dummies’ and for some reason everyone went with it, not that ellie was complaining because it was REALLY funny.

this episode required a lot more physical activity than the last one, which she had no problem with.

she led her team to victory during the first game with the tubes and ping pong ball.

got picked up by beomgyu hai!

wait wait wait...let me set the scene for you guys because...it was something else.

after winning the race, the 7 teammates all did a group hug, ellie being shoved into the middle while the rest ferociously chanted “ellie! ellie! ellie!”

kinda scary...looked like a cult from the outside lol.

she was so confused.

all of a sudden, a figure picks her up from behind and starts cheering very loudly.

she looked absolutely terrified because she had no. clue. what. was. going. on.

and when this poor girl turns her head back to look at the person carrying her, all bodily organs in her shut down.

her eyes went blurry and suddenly she couldn’t see, her kidneys failed, her limbs detached from her body...it was insane.

jay and sunoo, being the teasers they were, laughed at the look of the flustered girl.

it was...so much.

when beomgyu put her down, she felt her life flash before her eyes.

she still couldn’t believe what just happened, placing a hand on her forehead to see if she was sick??? for some reason.

she literally could NOT think straight after that.

the rest of the episode felt like a blur.

during the flag game, she failed oh so miserably...

“you ok?” jay teasingly asks her.

“leave me alone.” *cue her side eye*

“hehe.” (jay)

she felt so bad for doing so badly during the game, she kept apologizing :’).

“ellie! its ok! none of us did good :)” thank god for yeonjun.

she had to lay her head down onto ni-ki’s shoulders because she felt so defeated.

ni-ki responded by hugging her by the waist.

“don’t worry, i did horrible too.”

she hummed and pouted.

the screaming from the others made her feel a lot better.

“there’s that smile!” sunoo squeezes her cheeks.

the other team won, obviously.

she examined jungwon, he seemed like he was doing a lot better, seeing him enjoy himself was all the reassurance ellie needed.

oh good god...the next game...hahahaha.

it was...hai!

they had a piece of paper in which they had to fit all their teammates on, it was...intense.

she tried standing in the middle of jake and ni-ki, but was pulled by kim sunoo to stand in between him and beomgyu.

she froze up, god...can’t you just act normally ellie? (this was to herself btw ;) )

she tried not to think about the close proximity between her and beomgyu, instead giving her all into the game.

“ellie, it’s alright, step on my foot.” yeonjun tells her.

“are you sure?”

“yes of course.”

she cautiously steps on his foot, making sure not to put too much weight into it.

they got past a good amount of rounds, the last one is where they REALLY struggled.

“i have an idea!”

ellie announces while clapping her hands.

“i think if we put our feet in this pattern...”

she shows what she means by using her own feet as an example.

“it would save space...we can hold onto each other for balance like all the other rounds and our other foot can come up. the foot on the ground will serve as a stabilizer.”

“that’s SUCH a smart idea!” yeonjun smiles at her.

“thanks!”

jake couldn’t resist it...it came as an automatic reflex. he moves his hand around to squeeze her cheeks.

“miss smarty pants saves us yet again!” (jake)

she glares at him and hits his arm.

(there was a slight smile on her face though)

with ellie’s strategy, their team wins yet again!!!

they huddled into a group hug while the other team groaned in defeat.

“ellie should’ve joined our team!” soobin yells.

she giggles.

the final game was a big round of yut nori, which ellie still had NO CLUE how to play.

“do you know how to play?” beomgyu asks her.

“not really?”

“no worries, leave it to us!”

ellie blushes...yk...the usual.

ellie didn’t do much through out the game, following whatever the others told her to do.

by the end of it, you’d think she’d know how to play, right? wrong!

she still, to this day, doesn’t know how to play yut nori :))).

she was sad as the shooting ended, knowing that they probably won’t be able to shoot together with txt for a LONG while.

it was so very fun getting to hang out with her seniors, though beomgyu was a bit too much.

after they said their goodbyes on camera, it was time to say goodbye off camera.

soobin suggested that they make a gc together, to which everyone happily agreed to!

beomgyu asked ellie for her number, which she shouldn’t have though much about considering he was the one making the groupchat for them, but a girl can dream right?

after hugging everyone goodbye, her group moved back into their dressing room.

“i’m exhausted.” sunghoon mentions.

ellie’s eyes did feel heavy.

the 8 of them have been shooting all day and they could all probably agree that what they needed now was a nice long nap.

she moved over to where sunghoon was laying down and tapped the boy to ask him to scoot over so she could lay down as well.

the girl cuddled into sunghoons warmth.

“sooo, you and beomgyu, huh.”

“why? are you jealous?”

“maybe...but you know who is Very jealous right now? and who you should probably talk to bcs he’s definitely upset?”

her eyes widen, finally realizing.

“oh my god, i gotta go.”

she climbs out of sunghoon’s embrace.

“i was comfortable ellie!”

“yeah yeah!”

she runs out the dressing room, frantically searching for jungwon.

she accidentally bumps into beomgyu.

“woah there, where are you going???”

“i’m so sorry! uh- i have to go talk to jungwon about something, i can’t really stay for long...”

beomgyu nods his head and motions for her to go.

she finally finds jungwon at a vending machine, grabbing two drinks.

“yang!”

she finally reaches him and drops her body down to catch her breath.

“i’m so sorry.”

“about what?”

“sunghoon said you were upset with me about something...and i wan- (deep breath) i wanted you to know that no one will ever replace you or any (deep breath) any of the other members (deep breath).”

jungwon stays silent for a bit before chuckling at the sight of the girl’s state.

“oh ellie...” he gently makes her look up by her chin, “don’t worry about it, i knew you would never do that...i just got jealous seeing you blush at beomgyu so much...”

the last part was barely audible, but ellie understood.

she giggles, “i didn’t know mr. yang was the jealous type!”

he glares at her, “whatever.”

she smiles and hugs him by the neck.

“let’s go back, we’re heading home soon.”

ellie pulls jungwon by the hands.

“wait,” he fishes for the two drinks still left in the vending machine, “this is for you.”

it was strawberry milk, her favorite.

“thank you, kind sir.”

the two walked back hand in hand.

“is wonie feeling better~” heeseung teased.

jungwon mocks his face.

“time to head back!” their manager calls out.

“god i cannot wait to sleep.” ellie groans.

“ellie~ can i sleep next to you tonight?” ni-ki pleads with his eyes.

“why not sunoo?”

“he wanted to switch it up today, apparently.” sunoo clings his arms with ellie’s.

“i mean of course you can riki, just promise me you’ll actually sleep and not watch videos all night.” ellie stares at him.

“promise.”

she smiles and hooks her free arm around his.

“now...let’s go home.”

[toujoursmiraculous]

Thoughts and Reaction to Lies!

It's another long one because so much happens in this episode! The episode starts with Marinette trying to figure out a "secret" within the grimoire. Literal first thought was that this "secret" may be the key to waking up Emilie. It's obviously going to be of huge significance later, anyway. By looking at that piece on Adrien, it does appear Adrien has an amazing life. And really, that's what a lot of people think. That's the point of featuring him. A life of a celebrity is pretty amazing, really interesting and fascinating. But it's also filled with a lot of stress, chaos, loneliness, etc. But viewers rarely ever see it. As for Marinette, while Adrien has said things about what his father allows that makes him sad, we haven't ever heard him complain to her in any way about that lifestyle. To her, he's a guy whose father has him busy with activities (interesting ones at that) and very rarely ever lets him spend time with friends. I love how this episode parallels Truth! But Adrien's POV. My boy has an episode centered around him, finally!

So we know her standing Chat Noir up is because Luka came by reminding her of a date she forgot she rescheduled. You know she's extremely distracted and stressed when she can't remember a date with Luka or a patrol with Chat Noir, or remember that she planned them at the same time. It's really not her fault, and I feel so bad for her that things are becoming so difficult. "No messages, but don't forget my cheese!" LOL this is perfect. Plagg has to get that reminder in wherever he can! The Chat Noir appreciation was so wholesome to see awww, I bet so many boys in Paris look up to him, so sweet x33 Mr. Banana, Chat Noir, and the man who frequently is Mr. Pigeon just chilling on a bench in the park together. What a scene! lol But Chat wanting them to be akumatized so he could see Ladybug. Big oof. He's going to get his wish, a few times over. Careful what you wish for, Kitty! "A glass of milk as usual, mister Chat Noir?" Okay so when Chat's down, he goes to that bar and has a glass of milk. Or more if he's having a bad day. Awwwww. If you think about it, Adrien probably isn't allowed to have milk. With the fat content and all. :/ Kagami lying to her mother and Nathalie/Gabriel just to spend some time with Adrien. Considering how difficult their lives are, that's pretty impressive to be so brave. Not too fond of the lying part though, since there's not a noble reason for doing so. But I can understand it. We found out Kagami's real passion: drawing! Which is pretty cool. That's one thing Kagami and Marinette have in common that'd make them good friends. Very sad how her blind mother tells her she's not good enough. That just tells you what she thinks of her daughter and what she wants her to do with her life. She's afraid she'll pursue the arts rather than something practical, so best shoot down any thoughts of being an artist now. And then, like with all episodes that have Kagami in them, this is where I start to dislike her. "I want to draw the real you, on the inside." Adrien makes various model poses, none work for her as she knows they're just him being a model. Then he actually poses as himself. A silly, goofy cat having fun and being happy. Adorable. "What do you think of... CAT?" deathglare "No, this is absolutely not natural." "Yes it is. I promise, this is really me!" "NO! This is you when you're acting like a clown!" Adrien looking hurt, "But maybe when I act like a clown, it's really me." Then she takes his hand, (gently) pushes him back up against the wall, her hands on his chest, "That way, that's who you really are." What way? Her telling him how to be is who he really is? He stammers, looking very uncomfortable. "But are you sure?" "Yes... you are perfect." Then she leans in to kiss him, while he's still looking uncomfortable. Right here, she's trying to tell him who he is. What kind of relationship is healthy and a good one one at that, when one side is trying to tell the other who they are, how they must act, etc? That's toxic. Keep in mind, after this scene, during Truth's attack. He found out that Ladybug actually in fact loves (said she prefers) the humorous, "clown" side of him. Yes, she only knows it as Chat Noir for now, but she actually appreciates and loves Chat for who he is. Kagami doesn't love nor appreciate that side of Adrien. Which is a very big and important side of him. We knew this in Ikari Gozen, she couldn't stand the thought of Chat Noir being compared to Adrien, pretty sure she even seemed offended by it if memory serves. But it's laid out more in Lies, it's more direct. (Marinette's done this too in the past, but when she's done it, her tone's more like pssssh please! while she looks off to the side, like she's mostly just telling herself that, to convince herself, rather than believing it.) Kagami thinks she knows Adrien, knows that him being funny and a clown is not the "real" him. Acting like she knows him better than he knows himself. Thinking he's perfect. That was a very hurtful thing to have said and you can see it in his expression the same kind of pain and hurt

he gets a lot. I also want to talk about how watching her back Adrien up against the wall like that and leaning into kiss him made me feel particularly uncomfortable. While they might have a little thing going on, he was clearly not comfortable by it and it just did not sit well with me. This entire scene was riddled with red flags. Adrien smiled at the end of that on his way out, yes, but having someone tell you you're perfect would seem like a compliment to you, wouldn't it? The one you like thinks you're perfect, thinks the facade you put up is perfect and anything less isn't okay with them. That'll end up so well! The almost kissing scenes this episode literally had me like

I'm sorry, I just feel so very uncomfortable by them, I can't help it. xD Just before Chat Noir sneaked up on Ladybug, he almost kissed Kagami right? And yet here he is, being a bit flirty, saying he's missed her on patrols. I also want to point out she tells him to stop with his stupid jokes, because she doesn't want to accidentally hurt him! She could've hurt him by scaring her like that. While she likes his humor, they're only problematic if it puts himself in danger or distracts them from fighting an akuma. "I promise I won't forget our patrols anymore." The looks that passed between LB and CN here is just so cute! OOOF as Luka walks away sad because Marinette had to run off, here comes Adrien, about to do the exact same thing as Marinette to Kagami... Now Kagami's not as accepting of him running off as she was just a little while ago.

Even Andre's like, what the heck was that?! His expression watching Adrien run off made me laugh, I had to share it. I was wondering how Adrien got to the boathouse before Marinette did, as it made it seem like Adrien was there long before Marinette was. He just ran in and started playing along where they were. Good lord, he has a lot going on too, doesn't he? Only difference from Marinette here is Adrien has a built-in and believable excuse he can tell his friends. Kagami's forceful "Adrien, it's time." "Five little minutes?" *shakes head sternly* Who does this remind you of in Adrien's life already? Is this what a good girlfriend, what a good friend would do? And here again is the pattern we see a lot with Kagami. She manipulates situations so that they can spend time together. Adrien wants to spend time with his friends AND girlfriend at the same time. Rehearsing for their band, it looks like. He rarely ever gets to spend time with others, be a normal kid. But no, she drags him away early, making it sound like they had to leave, but it's just her wanting him to herself. When he couldn't go to New York, oh well that's unfortunate you're sad, but we can spend more time together now, isn't that great? It's about what she wants, not what he wants or what's best for Adrien. She spends more time with Adrien (not counting Ladybug spending time with Chat Noir here) than anyone else does by the looks of it, and she doesn't even know him at all. It's really sad. Adrien still carrying around Marinette's lucky charm bracelet in his pocket x3333 This never fails to make me happy. But oof that boy's seriously going to lose it one of these days if he's not careful! There's something different about seeing the Ladynoir scene on the roof that we got in Truth, but from Adrien's perspective. Something about it feels like it means more to me, idk. Adrien gets caught in a lie, saying he lost something but found it. Kagami asked what it was, holding Marinette's lucky charm behind her back. He says it was the lucky charm Marinette gave her, as he's scrambling in his pocket to pull it out seeming a bit frazzled, but realizes he actually in fact lost it (again! he says). But Kagami caught him in that lie, showing him that she actually had it.

I'm not sure if he's so shocked because she actually had it and wonders how she got it, or if he looks like that because he just got caught in a lie. But the way his eyebrows raised a little makes it seem like he's surprised she had it after all and was testing him the whole time. I've always hated the way sometimes someone when in a relationship will test the other one like this. Really not fair in Adrien's case at all. Things aren't always as they may seem. And here's the thing, she's admitting to him that she's lying just to be with him. She lies all the time. Adrien caught on that she was lying, but didn't really understand why I don't think. Earlier in the episode he says, "What are you hiding, Kagami?" he didn't know her purpose for it. Now she says, "We're both liars, the difference is I lie to be with you. You. You lie to get away from me." Which is a yes but actually no situation. It's not that he doesn't want to be with her, it's that he needs to get away temporarily. It just looks really, really bad. Getting off track from that conversation briefly, but that scene where the akuma goes off into the night, with the blurred city lights that becomes clear. Just wow. That shot is beautiful, I can't help myself from playing it back and admiring it. I'm also totally digging the new transformation music! it gives me 90s vibes and makes me happy. Seeing Jagged after Truth is just completely different xD "I fear nothing, I am an artist! I still hold to my fans." Both Roth: "Wrong, you lie to them about your age!" "That's not Rock and Roll!" Had me rolling!! Jagged sure is something XD Chat just up and about to cataclysm the sphere, thinking he'd be okay because he doesn't lie. Except he lies all the time to protect his identity and get himself away from people so he can transform. xD Silly Kitty. The drone as a Lucky Charm is super cool! In Truth, Chat Noir said a truth about how he felt about Ladybug. In Lies, he tells lies to Lies to get her attention. "My name's not Chat Noir! I'm not a superhero! I hate Ladybug! And I think Hawk Moth should've called himself Panfly! It's funnier! Oh, I was about to forget: my favorite dish is cabbage with white sauce! Yummy!" Cabbage...with white sauce... as a dish. Is this like, a real fancy dish or something or is this boy being completely starved? o.o CN: "There are only two more liars left in Paris, and one of them knows how to turn his attention." LB: "No, wait! Don't do that! What if I'm mistaken?" "You know what? I trust you." he lets go, sacrificing himself again "Chat Noir, no! Don't do that! You're crazy!" "Yes, crazy for you, m'lady." Says softly, sadly, "No, you're just crazy unconscious." This ENTIRE scene right here. The love, the trust, the pain in this scene. It's so beautiful and well done that I can't stop getting emotional from it and gushing! Everything's on the line from that decision, and the trust he has for her, the faith he has in her really helps her know she can do what she needs to do. She's always doubting herself, and he's always there to say he doesn't feel that way at all, and it gives her that confidence and courage she needs. The moment Chat Noir is okay, the first thing Ladybug does is run up and smack him, grabbing him anxiously saying "Seriously, you need to stop doing this to me!" The girl is stressed seeing her partner sacrifice himself time and again! IF THIS BOY DOESN'T REALIZE JUST HOW MUCH SHE CARES ABOUT HIM AT THIS POINT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. Any fan that still thinks Ladybug doesn't love Chat Noir and thinks poorly of him, clearly does not understand it at all. My Ladynoir heart is SO HAPPY! I was thrilled with them in Truth, but this is a totally different level. I'm almost in tears with how happy I am. And then I noticed something. I don't know if it's anything or not. But Chat Noir says to her, "Yes, but it's because I find that angry look of yours irresistable." and Kagami turns around to look at him, only him and never Ladybug. Just watching him. Which is a bit... odd. "Ahh, Ladybug..." he sighs. After what

just happened, I don't blame him! x3 These two are honestly fire. When D'Argencort has to step in to keep Kagami from hurting Adrien during fencing... Doesn't matter how upset she is, that's gross to physically take it out on him to the point a teacher has to intervene. Kagami tells Adrien she knows he's hiding something, but that he's sincere, too. But when he asks if they can't be friends then, she responds, "How can you trust someone who lied to you?" and finally gives him back the lucky charm. Ever since Gorizilla, I've been worrying of him losing it for good! Glad she gave it back to him. I've said it already, but he's really going to lose that thing if he's not careful! "When I'm ready to see you again, I'll let you know." and she just leaves. I get she's upset, he's been lying to her to get away when he's with her and all that. But this is worse than what happened with Lukanette. Luka wanted to actually know what was going on, he asked Marinette about it directly. She told him honestly, it's the one thing she can't tell him. Kagami on the other hand never actually asked. During one of the scenes when he was spacing out, she asked what was the matter is all. All she's cared about is that he's lied, and now that he's lied she can't trust him. Doesn't even want to hear him out, not that he'd explain it to her. Kagami doesn't even want to see Adrien for awhile now. At least Luka's more understanding and isn't as harsh being in the exact same situation. This poor boy... But it's also for the best. Marinette and Adrien both after breaking up with Luka and Kagami, decided to transform and meet up to just be in each other's company. They're both sad, but not especially so. "Do you know what the difference is, between us and the rest of the world, m'lady? We can't be completely honest with each other. We have our secrets, and sometimes we have to lie." Ladybug frowning hums in agreement. But at the same time, they both turn to each other and say happily "But we know we can trust each other!" finishing with a pound-it! IT'S JUST SO BEAUTIFUL AND MY HEART IS HAPPY After Truth, where Luka and Marinette were so sad and having a hard time, I really needed such an episode with such good Ladynoir! It really looks like the story is going in a really good direction, in my opinion. x3

[ask-whitepearl-and-steven]

Alright alright alright

You’ve all been asking for it, so here it is! 

This will be (edit: HELLA) long and obviously spoiler-y, so everything is under a cut. 

Are you ready?

Before we get to it, I want to mention that for the sake of keeping things organized, I will NOT be talking about my AU (@ask-whitepearl-and-steven​) in this post. I want to just analyze the show as a viewer and a fan first. I’ll make a seperate post for AU-thoughts a bit later.

Without further ado:

EP 1: LITTLE HOMESCHOOL

This is a great way to open up the episode and show the changes through the lens of someone who has been a bit out of it for a while (we are all Cherry Quartz, fresh from the hiatus, aren’t we?) but I’m sorry, this post still takes the cake:

Okay, okay, back to the program.

“That used to be a loaded question...“

Right off the bat, Steven is SO much more confident about saying that he’s... HIMSELF! What a good feeling. I’m very proud of our boy. 

I love the name “Gemglyph” for the gem language! I’ll need to know who wrote these, though. And who the heck drew the diamonds? Hopefully it was BP. 

And I’m not the first one to point this out, but MORE ANIME REFERENCES!

Which can be seen as either a reference to the Chill Low-Fi Hiphop Beats to Study To OR Whisper of the Heart. 

And absolutely no one cares but something that caught my eye is the fact that they have an EARTH FLAG at Little Homeschool! How cool is that!

Earth 4ever!!! 

Off-note - I love how INVESTED they are in this conversation Pearl is having with Holo-Pearl.

Peak entertainment. 

I love Professor Amethyst and I love the random human who snuck in to apparently take lessons on Not Giving A Single Shit About Anything, Ever. 

And here we FINALLY are in the FUTURE

Where we FINALLY get Jasper as a functioning character

And 

She’s

SO DRAMATIC, I LOVE HER.

This is literally SO funny like she... she was just... laying on top of her house... under a blanket..... FOr WHAT? To stand up dramatically and throw it off when Steven inevitably paid a visit? 

Is that just what she dOES? 

“It’s FINE I don’t need any HELP, I’m FUNCTIONING, I’m just having a SELF CARE DAY OK”

Also I’m sorry but

Jasper: “It took forever to yank those puny green earthlings out of the ground.”

Steven: “You mean grass...?“

THIS. RIGHT HERE. is peak Jasper. 

It’s also curious how INVESTED Steven is in this:

“I’m TRYING to give you [a purpose]!“

Why are you... trying to do that, though? Isn’t the whole idea for gems to surpass their ‘purpose’ and just kinda... do whatever? Isn’t Jasper just kinda... doing whatever? 

I mean, sure, it’s not useful to anyone, but she seems relatively happy. Aside from. You know. The whole laying on rocks under blankets until she’s disturbed thing and-- okay, you’re right, maybe an intervention would be healthy. 

I’m not gonna talk at length about the rest of the episode - although I think it’s really good, I don’t know what I can say about it that hasn’t already been said. Jasper is definitely poking Steven’s buttons and rephrasing a LOT of what WHITE has said to Pink: “You surround yourself with inferior gems because it makes you feel better.”

And Steven REACTS to this. The taunt WORKS.

And yes, he gains some extra powers for it, but something tells me this AIN’T the only thing he will get. It feels like a two-edged sword. Like it’ll be his own downfall somehow....... maybe at the end of the series. 

Ashes to ashes.... hole to hole.

And oh wow I thought they were gonna bond but LMAO

“Consider your fight back there your first and ONLY lesson.“

Basically:

I love you Jasper.

EP 2: GUIDANCE

I LOVE YOU AMETHYST.

sHE’S doing SO much and she’s SO good at it!! Look at her!! Organizing stuff!!!! 

RUBIES IN SUNGLASSES. IN SQUARE SUNGLASSES. 

I need 20. 

And I also need 20 of Larimar because holy shit that’s hilarious. 

Larimar: “I want to hear the human screams forever.”

Steven: “Okay that’s kinda troubling.”

I love the reference to Monsters Inc here and I love the callback at the end of the episode when Larimar switches to Human Laughter to get her fill of that particular erm... need. 

And honestly the ensuing chaos is equally predictable and entertaining. 

I’m SO glad to know that Rubies are just... Like That and that actually Navy is not a deviation from the norm but rather a different flavor of the chaotic energy all Rubies naturally seem to possess. 

Amethyst is also super relatable:

“Ah yes, the fool comes crawling back. Come to beg for forgiveness, have you?”

In fact, the episode’s WHOLe HUMOUR is just very much My Brand

“Sometimes you save all the people but the rollercoaster still crashes into the ocean...... and that’s okay.”

Including the Running Gag that is Onion. Who... does not appear to have aged. At all. And that’s okay.

EP 3: ROSE BUDS

Okay where do I even begin with this one. Um.

I have to openly admit that I spent the majority of this episode wheezing with laughter. Let’s start with the Zoomans:

Who are CLEARLY STILL SUPER SALTY AT GREG ABOUT REJECTING THEM??? Which is hilarious. 

And also this paradise is fascinating in and of itself. 

But the next scene is basically where I started losing my shit.

Okay, okay, alright so. Uh. I have... a few questions.

Like Why. WHY. Does she look. SO MUCH like Rose? 

Clearly Rose Quartz differ in coloring and etc. But She literally looks. Like THE Rose. VERY explicitly. 

So here’s several options here:

1) Pink made Rose Quartz way before any of the Rebellion happened and Pearl just basically pigeonholed her into THIS specific Rose Quartz appearance because she (???) had a crush? Or somehow saw this specific Rose, thought ‘hot, i can make my sympathetic Diamond wear this exact costume and that would be EXCELLENT fanservice for ME’

2) Pink didn’t have any Rose Quartz until the Rebellion, and thereafter quickly decided ‘I need these gems as an alibi, so we’re just gonna make them” and she and Pearl basically inclubated Rose Quartz like a pokemon trainer hatching for a Shiny until they got one that looked Exactly Like That. 

3) There was no Thinking involved because this is Pink we’re talking about, and it was all just a huge coincidence for the sake of this Very Hilariously Uncomfortable Episode. 

While we ruminate on that, let’s look at some Relatable Reactions.

And here we have the holy trinity of “I have just seen the clone of my deceased parent/parental figure/lover.”

Featuring: Bonus ‘I’m Almost Over It’ Pearl

Also, I need y’all to make this into a meme:

For example:

Anyway, alright, alright. 

That relatable feel when your (hot) dead lesbian lover’s clone asks you if you’re okay after another one of the (less hot?) clones offers you a whole ass stick of butter to eat. 

And then you and your friends all hide in the bathroom to talk about your feelings:

Okay, the rest of the episode gives me FEELINGS and I love how hard Steven is trying, so I’ll just close it off with:

I LOVE THEM. Unironically, they are EVERYTHING I had hoped Rose Quartz would be. They’re SO MUCH like Rose herself - did she model her personality after them? Or are they just like her because she WAS like that, and they’re made from her essence? WHO KNOWS?! They’re adorable!

And the conflict between them and Steven is honestly so gooD! I don’t know if it’s completely relatable but I’m glad they ended up talking it out.

I wonder if we’ll ever see Her again... you know who I’m talkin’ about. 

Her....

I’m madly in love with Rose, ok, I don’t need a callout post. Just leave me be.

EP 4:  VOLLEYBALL

Alright, alright, alright.

OKAy,.... It’s fine. It’s FINE. I’m fINE. 

Confirmed: 8000 years. That’s. UH. A LOT? That puts our timelines quite a ways back. We kind of estimated as much, but still, it’s so jarring to think about. And PP is VERY casual about it. 

She’s also VERY casual about the injury.

“This is all Pink Diamond!”

It doesn’t seem like it bothers her to talk about it at all. She’s not even trying to keep it a secret. So I’m almost wondering - was there a connection to her being taken by White and the injury at all or not? 

She came to Steven to get healed - she clearly wants it gone. At the time she was injured, did Pink not even attempt to heal the injury? 

Follow up question: If she DID care, why didn’t she try to heal it?

Follow up to the follow up: Was it because she didn’t know she could? Or did she simply not have the time to (White removed her before she could)? 

When Steven goes pink, she gasps - but makes no further comment. It’s presumably because she’s seen this happen before. She doesn’t try to move away, weirdly enough - she asks him if everything is alright. Perhaps the context is too different for it to be triggering for her. Perhaps there’s more layers to it? HMMM. 

What follows is, perhaps, the SALTIEST we’ve seen Pearl since Greg rolled around.

“Did you come to compete?”

This is doubly curious to me because Crewniverse has previously explicitly stated that Pearl was NOT in love with Pink Diamond. She was in love with Rose. So if this is true, why would Pearl care about her place as Pink’s Pearl? She is supposed to be past all that, isn’t she? 

And yet as time goes on, the salinity grows exponentially. Alright, you two, I know you’re Pearls but tone it down with the sass. 

(Also, I’m sorry but I will NEVER call her Volleyball. That’s all. Bye.)

Also it’s worth noting that... PP is clearly VERY much in love with Pink.

This is, perhaps, where the lack of a grudge plays into it. She’s completely enamoured.

Moreover, she’s VERY casual about how she talks here. This isn’t exactly how one talks of their Diamond. This is how people talk about their romantic partners. She calls Pink silly, calls her ‘funny’. That’s not exactly a term of respect - it’s way more intimate than that. 

Also, did anyone else notice how, although CG Pearl’s gem is usually shaded in teal, it’s in Pink in this episode? VEEEERY subtle, Crew.

Also, we can’t quite see Pink Pearl’s expression fully here because her working eye isn’t visible, which makes it hard to get a read on things like

“I’m older than you.“ Is she just saying it casually? Or is she fully aware that she’s poking fun at CG Pearl? 

HI SHELL. ISN’T IT FUNNY HOW YOUR VOICE AND YOUR NAME ARE A SUBTLE NOD TO PORTAL, WHICH IS FORESHADOWING HOW BADLY THIS IS GONNA END. 

Meanwhile, Pearl continues to be in character.

“No need to be overly... attached.”

And this has nothing to do with anything but

she cute

Aaaand now it’s creepy again.

The rest of this is super important so let’s get to it:

“Oh, no. Pink did this.”

“What did you say?”

“It’s a funny story, really. Once, Pink got tired of asking Yellow and Blue for her own colony, so she went straight to White. Of course, White told her she wasn’t fit to run one... and well! That set her off.”

“Set her off? What are you talking about?”

“You remember how she was! With her destructive powers, throwing tantrums left and right! She had a scream that could crack the walls. She didn’t mean to hurt me! (giggle) I just happened to be standing too close to her that time and--”

And then Steven interrupts. 

We get more CG Pearl arguing for how wrong this image of Pink is to her. What CG Pearl knew was a totally different (or, well, same, but VERY changed) Pink. 

But what we have to prove our point is Steven himself. He rolls into the EXACT same state as Pink presumably did - and begins to over-use his powers. 

(This isn’t the first time we have seen him use this attack.)

The reactions from the Pearls are telling - this is clearly not Pink Pearl’s first rodeo with this type of Mood. 

And it’s important to note that Steven clearly didn’t direct any attack AT them. He simply yelled - and the whole dang place literally started to crack. There’s weight to the argument that possibly, Pink really DIDN’T mean to hurt her Pearl - that she was just collateral damage. 

Which doesn’t make it any better, obviously. Even if Pink had no direct intention of hurting her Pearl (and there are theories that Pink purposefully hit or threw Pink Pearl or somehow physically acted directly to damage her, which I was skeptical of) the result of it is still the same.

If you raise your voice and yell, even if you’re just yelling because YOU are hurt/have feelings, you might still hurt the people around you. If you throw a tantrum, even if your direct goal was just to let off some steam without aiming to harm anyone, whoever gets in your way is still the victim. 

And this is all very much On Brand for Pink’s timeline as we know it. We already knew this about her - we KNEW she tended to throw tantrums (like in the flashback on Jungle Moon) and that she was childish. The fact that she accidentally hurt her Pearl in the process because she had no self-control at that period in her life comes as no surprise. 

(Although it’s important to mention that perhaps hurting her own Pearl WAS the breaking point during which she finally realized how her emotional outbursts could have negative consequences on those around her.)

And this is a very beautiful message - even if Pink Pearl still doesn’t want to blame Pink for what was done to her (”But... she didn’t mean to!”) Pearl brings the point of it back around to her (”But you were still hurt!”) The point isn’t the person who did the hurting - the focus is on the victim and how they were affected. 

And the rest, I daresay, is history. 

I like the fact that they managed to still bring it back around to the main message: 

It isn’t about just “Pink was bad”. It’s about how she did bad things. And there were multiple sides to her - multiple stages. And the Pearls who knew her knew different sides of her - the side that didn’t know how to be a good person, who was selfish and childish and unrestrained... and  the side that was, arguable, too restrained. Who hated her own past, her own character and her own mistakes so much that she would rather bury them and keep secrets from everyone. 

And neither of those things were good, and neither were healthy, but they are a GREAT contrast to a GREAT character arc that is, arguably, still being unearthed. And we have so much more context for it all now. 

I, for one, can’t wait to see and discover more of Pink through Pink Pearl - no matter how ugly that side of her might be. I think it gives great perspective to her later growth. 

And if you ship the Pearls.. .well, I get why. 

Personally I’m not interested in it that way. Call me unromantic - I don’t think their relationship NEEDS to be shippy in order to be satisfyingly deep. I love the idea of them having a deep bond over this - a shared past, a shared experience, and gaining confidence through one another. 

Cheers and thanks for listening!

[awanderingdeal]

Summer Camp AU - Chapter 3 - Leo

Sorry about the wait on this one! Our darling Leo will be taking us through this chapter. 

CW: mentions of injury (minor)

Fic Rating: T

Please message me if you feel that any content warnings need to be added or the rating is not appropriate. 

Thank you to my wonderful betas @bkfstclubmember and @fleetingpieces. 

The characters in this fic belong to @lumosinlove and you should definitely go and check out her fics!

For previous and future chapters please see my masterlist

Leo had only been to summer camp once as a kid, and that had been back in middle school. It had escaped his memory how draining it was to meet so many new people, learn the layout of the site, and to keep track of all the rules he needed to remember. Between that, and the bruises littering his body from the evening of Dodgeball and Capture the Flag, Leo was exhausted. Happy, but exhausted. 

Regulus hadn’t crept back into their cabin until the early hours of the morning and had declined coming to breakfast in favour of more sleep. It meant that Leo was alone when he set his breakfast tray down at an empty table. He was only able to savour the quiet for a couple of minutes though, before the chaos of camp caught up with him. 

“Leo!” a boy said, startling Leo into looking up from his eggs. He recognised him from the game of dodgeball; he’d hit Leo square in the chest. Besides, it would have been difficult to forget that face. Cropped curls, a chiseled jawline and deep brown eyes. He’d cut his camp t-shirt into a low tank top. Leo noticed the scars, a slightly paler brown than the rest of his skin, peeking out through the oversized arm holes. He’d never seen anybody wear them so proudly before and it made him want to smile. Not only for the other boy, but for himself. Because if 13 year old Leo, heck if 17 year old Leo, had been told that one day he’d be in a place that would allow him to be authentically himself, and he’d be surrounded by others who understood what it was to be different, he never would have believed it. 

“Morning,” Leo had to glance at the boy's badge; he was awful with names. “Thomas,” he said with a smile. He’d only said two words to the boy yesterday, but Thomas seemed like the type who would be friends with anybody that was willing. 

“Call me Talker,” Thomas said, reaching out a hand for Leo to shake. “Please.” 

“Morning, Talker,” Leo repeated with a laugh, shaking the hand before shovelling more eggs into his mouth. 

Soon the table was full, and Leo found himself in a heated conversation about whether kindles were better than books. Somehow, that led to him lapping up James’ stories of previous camp disasters until Lily shoved her boyfriend and told him to stop scaring the rookie. 

The chatter was interrupted by the static of a microphone. Everybody, including Leo, turned towards the source of the noise. A flustered looking young man stood over by the buffet table, clutching his hands around the microphone so hard that his knuckles were white. James cupped his hands around his mouth and hollered, “Go Loops!”

The man smiled and gave a nervous cough, but the encouragement seemed to work. “Hi everybody, I’m Remus Lupin. Most people just call me Loops though. My pronouns are he/him and I’ve been coming to this camp for the last two years. Clearly I didn’t suck too much, because they hired me as a medic this year,” he paused, his eyes searching the crowd. They landed on the man that Leo had met as Regulus’ brother the day before, and his smile grew wider. “I’m going to be leading the first aid training this morning, so if you could all be out at the pavilion in 15 minutes that would be fantastic...thanks.” 

The room fell silent as Remus set the microphone back in its stand and walked off, receiving a pat on the shoulder from Dumo as he passed. The hall soon erupted with noise again as people finished up their food and made to follow the instructions they had been given.

“Alright! Let’s go save some lives,” Thomas boomed, downing the last of his glass of milk and grabbing his tray. He’d only taken two steps before he turned back around and flashed a grin at Leo. “Nutty! I forgot to say. Dumo asked us to film some promo TikToks and your beautiful face would be great in it. You in?” 

Leo had no idea who ‘us’ was, but he’d promised himself to take every opportunity that this camp threw at him so he nodded, and gave a small, “Sure, why not?”

“Great, I’ll see you after dinner then,” Thomas said, walking off with a bounce in his step.

When Leo made his way to the pavilion, he was given a card with the number 1 on it by Remus. He didn’t know what it was for, but clutched it in his hand as he looked around for Regulus, hoping they had managed to wake up on time. He was relieved to set his eyes on them talking to June, a girl that Leo had met yesterday. She had been a bit intimidating, leaning against a tree, dressed in biker boots and a leather jacket that he later learnt had a bisexual flag stiched into back. However, she’d turned out to be extremely friendly and Leo relaxed knowing Regulus was in good hands. 

“Okay! Listen up, folks,” Remus called out. “Each of you has been given a card with a number on it. There is one other person with the same number as you. Please find them, they are going to be your partner for today’s training session.”

Different people seemed to have different strategies for finding their partner. Some decided to stay where they were and just shout their numbers. Others darted around asking each individual what their number was. Leo didn’t need to use either to find his. With his first glance across the crowd, he settled his eyes on a person holding a card with the number one on it. With a triumphant smile, he weaved through the other counselors quickly so as not to lose sight of his partner.   

“Hey, I’m Leo. I think you’re mine,” Leo introduced himself, glancing quickly at the nametag on Logan’s chest before looking up at his face again. The action had become almost habitual already. 

Logan peered from under the brim of his hat. He had deep green eyes that Leo swore were looking into his soul as they swept over the length of his body.  “Yeah, I suppose you are,” the boy said eventually. “My name’s Logan, but I guess you already know that. Pleased to meet you.” 

“The pleasure is all mine,” Leo mumbled quietly under his breath. He had promised himself that he wasn’t going to do the cliched ‘summer camp romance’ thing. After all, he’d just gotten over the ‘closeted jock’ situation and that hadn’t been fun, to say the least. He wanted to be done with men for a very long time, but it didn’t hurt to look, right?

Before Logan could respond, Remus had gathered their attention again and they got swept away with learning how to recognise and assist the injuries and ailments that they were most likely to see over the coming weeks.

“Merde!” Logan gasped, pulling Leo from his thoughts. He figured that he had wound the bandage too tight around Logan’s arm.

“Sorry! Sorry,” he apologised, trying to remove it as quickly as he could. “Are you okay?”

Logan frowned for a second, “I am fine. Why would you ask that?”

“Was it not too tight?” Leo asked, gesturing to Logan’s arm, a little confused. 

Logan’s features knitted into a tighter frown before he seemed to have a realisation. “Oh, non. That was fine. Perfect. I will never bleed to death with you around,” he said, gesturing for Leo to do the bandage again so that Remus could inspect his work. 

“Okay…” Leo hesitated, “Why did you swear then?”

“You’re the angel,” Logan grinned, and Leo just grew more confused. Logan huffed out a laugh. “I believe you met my boyfriend yesterday. Tall...although, not as tall as you. Red hair. Bit of an idiot.”

“You mean Finn,” Leo smiled, remembering the boy from yesterday. “Wait. Did you say boyfriend?” 

Leo had been one of the people allocated to defend his team's flag. His back was to it, but out of the corner of his eye, he could see the blue, white and pink stripes. Dumo had taken the opportunity to educate the counsellors on the flags of different identities before letting each team choose which would be theirs for the game. A timid looking blonde girl had whooped so loudly before her pale cheeks had turned crimson that it had been a unanimous decision for their team to take the trans flag. 

It had been eerily quiet for a while when three people came crashing out of the trees. Leo recognised two of them; a Russian boy who had insisted everybody called him Kuny instead of butchering his name, and Jackson Nadeau. They were both on his team.The person they were chasing was not. Leo glanced to his right, checking that there was nobody coming from that direction before he tried to intercept the intruder. Leo had thought he was fast, but they had easily whipped past him and Leo was left watching them run. He didn’t have time to call out between seeing the rock and watching them fall flat on their face.  

“Are you okay?” Leo shouted, forgetting the game as he ran over to check they hadn’t hurt themselves too badly. He was worried that they weren’t moving, but just as Leo kneeled down, they groaned and rolled onto their back. 

“Shit,” Leo said, taking in the blood dripping down the pale skin. “Hey, I’m Leo. Can you tell me your name?” Leo asked, already knowing it was Finn from the name tag, but he wanted to check that the boy knew himself. 

“Fi-Fish,” the red haired boy slurred, blinking rapidly. “Am I in heaven?”  he asked, reaching up to cup Leo’s face.

“No, you’re at Camp Gryffindor. Not quite heaven, but pretty close,” Leo gave a nervous laugh. “Just stay still. We’re going to get somebody to help you.”

“You look like an angel to me,” Finn whispered, making Leo blush. He gave a little cough before looking up at Kuny and Jackson, who had joined him at Finn’s side. “Can one of you go and grab a medic, please?”

Leo had been meaning to check up on Finn. Both because he had been worried about him, but also because he hadn’t been able to get that red hair and those freckles out of mind all night. Finn was beautiful, of course he had a boyfriend. 

“Yeah,” Logan nodded, his smile widening a second. “My boyfriend who apparently met an angel last night. He’s not wrong.”

Leo scratched at the back of his neck before continuing to wrap the bandage around Logan’s arm. “How is he?” 

“He’s fine. He’ll have a headache for a few days, but Lupin fixed him up,” Logan reassured. He hummed and pulled at the grass with his unoccupied hand. “Wouldn’t shut up about the blue-eyed angel called Leo though. I tried to make him stay in bed today, but he insisted you were real. Seems you are.” 

Leo thought his face was going to permanently take on its new shade of pink with the amount of blushing he was doing. “Isn’t it weird for you? Your boyfriend calling me an angel?” 

Logan shrugged, “Non, he didn’t lose his eyesight just because we got into a relationship. Besides, I trust him.”

Thankfully, Remus chose that moment to join them, praising Leo’s work and making a few comments on how it could be made a little better. Once he had gone, Logan began to tell him about his life growing up in Canada as if the previous conversation had never happened. Leo wasn’t sure whether he was relieved or frustrated. 

In return, Leo told Logan about the cooking classes that had led him to applying to work in the camp kitchens that summer. He found that Logan was actually a good listener, and nearly ended up spilling the details of the drama that led him to taking those classes as a replacement for the hockey games he was due to be playing. Another time maybe. Leo wasn’t going to think about how much he hoped there would be another time. 

The rest of the morning session seemed to fly by after that, and soon Leo found himself saying goodbye to Logan in order to find Regulus for lunch. 

“I’ll see you around,” Leo smiled.

“Sure thing, mon ange,” Logan said easily, and Leo tried not to read too much into that.

[parvuls]

fic: in the space between (1/2)

the astronauts/scifi au literally no one asked for.   a 3k ficlet of eric bittle thriving in places the world thinks he can’t -- in every single universe.

(part 1 | part 2 | read on ao3)

-

    FABER 15 AIR-TO-GROUND TRANSCRIPTIONS

  00 00 00 34 CAPCOM L. DUAN

Just letting you know your trajectory is headed straight into Driucs, Zimmermann. Over.

00 00 00 41 COMMANDER J. ZIMMERMANN

Roger. We copy that, Houston. Changing courses now. 

00 00 00 48 CAPCOM L. DUAN

Get on that. Things aren’t looking good ahead. Over.

00 00 00 55 SECOND PILOT B. KNIGHT

Can’t believe you don’t fucking trust this guy. He’s already tense as shit, Lards, you got nothin’ to worry about. 

00 00 00 57 SECOND PILOT B. KNIGHT

Over.

00 00 01 06 CAPCOM L. DUAN

Keep it clean on the coms, Faber 15. Administration is already on your case. Over.

00 00 01 12 COMMANDER J. ZIMMERMANN

Roger. You’re welcome to come shut him up. Over.

00 00 01 19 CAPCOM L. DUAN

Wish I could, Zimmermann. Change courses, now. Or I’m stealing a ship and coming to beat your ass. 

00 00 01 22 CAPCOM L. DUAN

Off record, Houston. Delete from written transcriptions. 

00 00 01 24 CAPCOM L. DUAN

Just get out of dodge, Faber 15. Over. 

00 00 01 30 COMMANDER J. ZIMMERMANN

Roger. Trajectory adjusted, should be going around Driucs. Over.

00 00 01 36 CAPCOM L. DUAN

(Music: “It’s About Time”)

.

  Driucs is a ball of hot pink mottled with orange from the sandstorms raging on its surface. Shitty thinks that it’s pretty, wants to screencap the ship’s monitors so he can ask Lardo for a painting of it later. Jack thinks that it’s an unnecessary hazard ringed with a dense asteroid belt, and that all he wants to do is bypass it as quickly as possible without colliding with a mass of solid carbon.

“Chillax,” Shitty says to this, kicking his feet up to the control panel. His toes are edging the radar display, and Jack grinds his teeth, shoves them off without bothering to argue about it once again. He’s so tense that he doesn’t even comment on Shitty’s choice of socks; galaxy printed with tiny marijuana leaves, crisse. “Everything will be A-OK. Always fucking is, Jacko.”

Jack wipes his brow with the back of his hand, shifts his hold on the control wheel and tries to focus on getting them through safely. “You know I hate it when you’re being cavalier.”

The door to the flight deck slides open, and someone exclaims, “Oh, what a view!”. Jack doesn’t need to turn his head; Bittle walks up between the two piloting seats, leans right on the center panel to gaze up at Driucs through the big windows. “It’s absolutely gorgeous, ain’t it? We should make a stop there.”

It’s what he always says. Jack specifically asked Holster to keep Bittle in the sleeping quarters until they’re out of the Merudan System because he’s got no patience for this right now. “It runs a hundred and two degrees, Bittle. We can’t make a stop there.”

Bittle talks about everything like they’re driving Route 66 down to Arizona and landing on a foreign planet is just a stop at Wendy’s for a Vanilla Frosty mid-roadtrip. Some days Jack can’t believe NASA ever let him out of the Solar System; other days, he thinks that maybe they did this so he’d never come back.

Bittle either doesn’t notice Jack’s impatient tone or, most likely, chooses to ignore it completely. “A hundred and two degrees is just another hot day in Georgia,” he huffs, rolling his eyes dramatically. “Goodness, it must stop being winter in Canada sometimes, does it not?”

Shitty snorts. His feet are back on the panel again, scratching against each other absently. “I think he means a hundred and two degrees Celsius, brah.”

Bittle pauses, hovers over Jack’s shoulder for a moment. And then says, “Oh. Well, that is rather warm, indeed.”

.

  They picked Bittle up from a tiny space station right by Cleto, where they'd stopped for supplies. The order came from high up in Houston, and was very specific: Bittle was to join them on all ground missions until further notice, and was to lead all communication with nonhum species. They were provided with no background information or justification for expanding Jack’s crew, and Flight Director Hall hung up on Jack when he tried asking.

Bittle, the moment he stepped into the ship through airlock, pulled off his helmet to reveal a head of blonde hair and a radiant smile. His suit had pins of rainbows and bunnies on it next to the American flag, blatantly disobeying uniform regulations. He offered his hand for an enthusiastic handshake despite the bulky EV glove covering it -- without decontaminating first -- and Jack’s first thought was that all of it must be a joke. 

But it wasn’t. It’s been three months since orders came and no further notice was given. Instead, every day since has been filled with ceaseless chatter and pop music playing in the communal area and Bittle’s petulant morning complaints about intergalactic coffee being just not the same.

“You’re not even trying,” Shitty tells Jack nearly every night. He’s made a habit of crawling into Jack’s bunk since their first year on the same crew, gives bullshit excuses about how Jack keeps him warm in the cold, cold outer space. It’d be less troublesome if he at least bothered to put some clothes on to save Jack the uncomfortable conversations with Mission Control Center about workplace relations. “Do not motherfuckin’ lie to my face, Zimmermann -- you are not trying, you didn’t try once, Bittle is a tiny Southern bundle of delight and you’d like the shit out of him if you could get over your sorry ass and try.”

But Jack doesn’t want to try. Jack wants to get to his annual performance review and pass with spotless marks, which may as well not happen if Bittle insists on striking conversation with every nonhum race they encounter during the simplest of missions. Jack didn’t leave Earth to make friends, neither with crewmates nor alien species, and he certainly isn’t looking for friends who put his job at risk.

Shitty won’t stop pestering him about it, though, so Jack takes to pushing him out of the bed and shoving a pillow over his ears. It doesn’t make Shitty stop talking, but Jack is good at pretending to fall back asleep.

.

  Evor is five days’ flight past Dricus. Jack assembles a mission brief in the communal area the night before landing, gathers the boys around the large screens covering the rounded center of the ship. The screens are currently displaying all known information about the people of Evor, who are notoriously unfriendly and are especially inhospitable towards humans. There are reasons, Jack figures, but he never looked too deeply into it; he has no intention of contacting them at all.

“Mission goal is to extract soil samples from the mines on the mountainous side of the planet,” Jack says. The images on the screen behind him switch on voice command, are now a rotating photo of said mines. “It’s mostly unpopulated, so there shouldn’t be any run-ins with the locals. Mission estimated time is three hours on Earth clock.”

Ransom shoves his hand into the bag of chips balanced between Holster and him with a contemplating expression. “Sounds like child’s play. We all going in?”

“Yes,” Jack crosses his arms. He’s no doubt that any of the boys would like to stay behind and get a few extra hours of rest, but he doesn’t like taking unneeded risks. There’s strength in numbers, and he feels safer knowing that they have several eyes watching several backs out there. “Solid landing, no risk to the ship, no reason for anyone to stay here. Get your gear ready tonight.”

“Wait, Jack --” it’s Bittle. Of course it’s Bittle. Jack takes a deep breath and turns to him. He’s sitting in a single seat, legs crossed and hands clasped in his lap. “Listen, I’m not sure it’s such a great idea.” Jack’s scowl must be deeper than usual, because Bittle cringes and hurries to explain, “I mean, no offence to your -- mission planning, or. You’re usually great at that. I just mean, the Evor people don’t like strangers, and they sure as heck won’t like us, and they’re a people of warriors, you know, like, they make their money off lending their fighting skills to other armies --”

“Is there a point to this?” Jack cuts him off. It’s not that he doesn’t think Bittle means well, because he’s not blind: Bittle is made of nothing but good intentions and sunshine demeanor. His tendency to babble on and on simply isn’t welcome during mission briefs. Too time-consuming. 

“Yes,” Bittle insists. He looks unhappy, a tiny furrow wrinkling at his forehead. “Going in with more than two or three men can be seen as a threat, and I just don’t think --”

“It doesn’t matter,” Jack interrupts, “because if all of you will follow orders there’s no reason for us to come across them or stay on the ground for long enough to be perceived as anything but transients. Leaving crewmates behind is a risk that we won’t be taking.”

“But --”

“End of story, Bittle,” Jack says, and it’s louder, meaner than it usually would be. He can see Shitty frowning at him from the corner of his eye, can see Holster glaring into his handful of chips. He gets that they feel overprotective of Bittle, being the smallest and the newest, but if Bittle wants to be part of the crew he’s got to either get with the program or quit. Jack can’t lower his professionalism standards just because Bittle might be offended. “Any more questions?”

There’s silence, so Jack adjourns the brief and turns away. He can hear, muttered from somewhere behind him, “Yeah, what crawled up your ass?”. He chooses to ignore it and focus on turning off the screens, instead of giving it enough thought to start doubting himself.

.

  The worst thing is: Jack can’t figure out how the hell Bittle got there.

“I think he has a degree in like, sociology or something, man,” Holster told him a few weeks after Bittle had come aboard, while they were waiting outside the showers and listening to Bittle’s off-key rendition of a song that’d been in the radio maybe a decade before. “A master’s, I think, definitely no doctorate.”

Holster actually really liked Bittle, right off the bat; they all did, bar Jack, which just made the whole situation even more irritating. But they hadn’t gotten a lot of sleep that night and Bittle’s singing was truly awful, so Holster was probably feeling less kind than usual.

“Shitty’s got four PhDs,” Jack said, banging his head back against the wall, abstractedly thinking that a concussion might make the singing stop. “Ransom’s getting his second one now. While in space. You don’t think it’s fucked that some undereducated humanities kid from nowhere, Georgia is going through the cosmos like he’s on a third grade school trip?”

Because Bittle was terrible at physics, and he paled visibly whenever someone started talking about biomechanics, and Jack had once caught him snoozing while Ransom had been fervently explaining the primary composition of Krer’s atmosphere. The most insulting part of it all, probably, was that NASA used to demand a STEM degree to even qualify for a program, and Bittle barely had a dubious understanding of astronomy, while traveling space.

Of course, the moment the words were out of Jack’s mouth the singing stopped and the bathroom door slid open, Bittle standing behind it. He was wrapped in a towel, beads of water still lingering on his temple, dripping down his cheekbones. His face was red, blotchy, but the hard expression on his face made Jack think that the color wasn’t necessarily from the water temperature. 

“Excuse me,” he said, voice uncharacteristically cold. His shoulder knocked into Jack’s when he passed them, leaving behind a wet patch on Jack’s shirt. Bittle was small, and the door was adequately sized, and there were a good two meters between Holster and Jack, which left the obvious conclusion that it was most definitely on purpose. 

Holster followed his departure with bleary eyes, shifting the bundle of clothes in his hands guiltily. “I think he heard you, bro.”

Jack rubbed at the wet patch with his right hand. “No kidding,” he grunted, and couldn’t really find it in himself to care.

.

  Bittle seems wary from the moment they step foot on the jagged surface of Evor. Holster and Ransom force their way into the space by his sides, bracketing him like two towering bodyguards. They do their best at trying to get him to lighten up while climbing up to the mines; the crew figured out that they all played hockey at some point of high school, so Holster is animatedly explaining the rules of zero-G hockey, all of which he’s made up himself. 

“And sometimes we do full out matches when we meet other ships,” Ransom says, struggling with the unfamiliar gravity force to hoist himself up a big rock. “But a few months ago we were on Islikaru and there was this Russian crew, and this dude, Alexei, oh my god --”

A few small stones tumbling downhill bump into Jack’s boot, drawing his attention away from Ransom’s voice, and he mutes the coms to listen closely for any noises. There’s a rumbling coming from the other side of the mountain. It sounds like -- oncoming thunders, maybe, or a little like --

“Prepare for attack,” Jack turns the coms back on immediately, dives in front of Shitty to block the crew’s path up to the mines. Shitty stumbles, catches himself with one knee and both palms flat on the ground. “Abandon mission, now! Back to the ship!”

A dozen of Evor warriors descend from beyond the peak of the mountain, closing in on them faster than they can run. Jack’s crew doesn’t carry weapons. The Evor warriors are big, look like an odd mix of a gorilla and an elephant that’d be classified as some sort of reptile. Ostie de tabarnak, Jack knows next to nothing about them, and definitely nothing about how to beat them in a fight three-on-one. 

“We’d never make it back on time!” Shitty yells, clambering to his feet and shoving the rest of the boys back down the mountain anyway. He’s right, but Jack has no backup plans and less than no time to come up with any. This was not supposed to happen, there was no reason for this to happen. They’ve been on Evor ten minutes, not even that.

Bittle jumps from between Holster and Ransom, scrambling up to reach Jack. He grabs Jack’s arm, face white and rapid breaths fogging up the visor. His expression is just as terrified as the rest of them, but Jack has never seen him this determined. It makes his feature look sharper, less angelic. “Let me go talk to them! Jack, let me --”

“What?” Jack rips his arm away, tries to shove Bittle back towards the ship as fast as he can. “Bittle, are you insane, they’re coming to attack us --!”

“Because we seem like a threat!” Bittle yells. The volume of his voice catches Jack by surprise, gets him to stop racing down for a moment just long enough to remember that Bittle said the same thing at the previous night’s mission brief. That Bittle must be holding himself back from screaming, I told you so, and now look where we are. “Let me go talk to them, I can explain the situation --”

“No! They’ll attack you before you get a word out --”

“They won’t! I understand their culture, the way they work -- Jack, you just -- you gotta let me try!”

“You’ll die --”

“Oh, Lord, we’re gonna die either way, so what’ve you got to lose, Zimmermann? You gotta trust me to have your back! ”

Jack stops. His breathing is loud in his ears, heart pounding. Shitty, Holster and Ransom are ten meters down the mountain, staring at Bittle and he wide-eyed, waiting for a decision. The Evor people are fast, and they look furious; they’re ninety or maybe a hundred meters away, and closing the gap with every second. Jack swallows, tramps down the panic rising in his throat. 

“Go,” he says finally, voice gravelly. “Go, Bittle.”

Bittle gives him one last wild look, and runs towards imminent death. 

.

  FABER 15 CREW GROUND-TO-GROUND TRANSCRIPTIONS

  00 00 02 04 CAPCOM L. DUAN

Faber 15, Faber 15, this is Houston. Over.

00 00 02 06 CAPCOM L. DUAN

Faber 15, this is Houston. What is going on. Over.

00 00 02 09 CAPCOM L. DUAN

Faber 15, this is Houston. Answer me. Over.

00 00 02 11 CAPCOM L. DUAN

Goddamnit boys, what happened!

00 00 02 14 COMMANDER J. ZIMMERMANN

Houston, this is Faber 15 returning to ship. Over.

00 00 02 17 CAPCOM L. DUAN

Jesus Christ, Jack. Tell me what happened.

00 00 02 21 SECOND PILOT B. KNIGHT

Jesus’ got nothing to do with this, Lardo. This was all Eric R. Bittle.

00 00 02 25 COMMANDER J. ZIMMERMANN

Mission didn’t go as planned. Sending you a full report as soon as we’re back on board. Over.

00 00 02 29 CAPCOM L. DUAN

Roger. Tell me everyone’s okay, Zimmermann. Over.

00 00 02 34 SECOND PILOT B. KNIGHT

Alive and kickin’. Can’t get rid of us that easy. But seriously, tell whoever sent us Bittle that I’m getting them a fruit basket whenever I’m back on Earth. 

00 00 02 38 CAPCOM L. DUAN

Roger. I’ll tell them to expect that. Get that report done ASAP, Zimmermann. And never do this to me again. Over.

00 00 02 42 COMMANDER J. ZIMMERMANN

Roger, Houston. Out.  

.

  The boys all separate into their quarters as soon as they’re back in the ship, their postures slumping and their hair damp with cold sweat. Jack stays behind, twists the airlock chamber shut. It feels like his entire body is heavier than usual, and it isn’t because of the ship’s gravity. 

When he looks up, he finds that Bittle’s still there; there’s an uncomfortable pause when they both hesitate by the passageway. Bittle’s back is turned to Jack, muscles tense beneath the dark fabric of his undershirt, but his head is tilted over his shoulder, searching for Jack’s eyes. His face is closed off, looks as blank as it can get. Jack’s hands clench into fists by his side and it makes the rubber of the gloves creak. He works his jaw as he tries to find the right words to say.

“That was --” he begins, and then swallows with difficulty. Bittle doesn’t turn to fully face him, only lifts his gaze until their eyes lock together. There’s spots of furious red high on his cheeks, his mouth pressed thin. Jack has no idea how to translate this information into any sort of social clue. “You. Euh. That was good, Bittle. Good work.”

Bittle’s mouth parts, his eyebrows knitting together, but his chin drops down so his expression is hidden from Jack’s view before he can try to read into it further. His right hand, leaning on the passage frame and keeping him in the mid-motion of leaving, tightens almost imperceptibly.

“Thanks, Commander,” Bittle says finally. His voice is steady, neutral. He’s still facing away. “Just doing my job.” 

He carries on walking away, then, like his pause in the passageway never occurred at all. The insulating door slides closed behind him, and Jack is left standing in his gear, staring at the white expanses of the walls. He has this sinking feeling that he made a critical misstep has no idea how to undo.

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

TWDG: The Final Season | Character Discussion | 2/2

Part 1 | Part 2

[Brody and the basement scene]

“I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You're gonna be okay, I promise. Goddamn it, help! Why did you say that, Brody? I...I told you not to say it. Please be okay...”

Okay... here’s where the glass shatters, Marlon becomes the episode’s antagonist, and I wish there was an option to just stay in bed.

Up to this point, Marlon’s been sincerely kind, stubborn, sometimes a little agitated, but overall? A decent guy. There are flaws with his leadership and not everyone likes him, but that comes with the territory, yeah? 

He wants to keep Ericson safe, he saved Clementine and AJ’s lives, he loves Rosie, he’s Louis’ best friend- what reason do I have not to trust him?

I was rooting for you, Marlon. The first time I played, I was team Marlon.... until we got back to the school after the incident with Abel at the train station. 

Brody’s freaking out, and Marlon comes over... and the unsettling feelings starting creeping up when he grabs Brody’s arm and she shoves him down. 

The first time I played, I had the gut feeling that she wasn’t overreacting like Marlon claimed she was and this is when I started to actually doubt him. I was still rooting for him, like maybe it’s just a misunderstanding and the game wants me to question Marlon, but he’s not the real issue. Y’know... a fake out.

Then I heard his voice in the pipes and... oh boy. 

Marlon, my guy, you hurt me. 

But not as bad as you hurt Brody.

Okay, let’s do this- Marlon and Brody. Start from the beginning with their relationship and how we got to the basement scene. 

One thing you’ll notice back when I was talking about Aasim is how quick Brody is to snap “Be nice, Aasim” after he gets agitated with Marlon. Then, we see the two of them sitting together on the steps during the “HELP AJ MAKE FRIENDS” segment. There’s no conversation you can overhear or anything, but you get the impression that Brody is supportive of Marlon. 

I mean... why else would she be so quick to tell Aasim to be nice... right?

Except no, we already know that these two are so close because of what happened with the twins. But if you don’t know that, then obviously this seems like nothing. 

Though interesting to point out that people assumed Marlon and Brody were a thing based on this little tidbit, an idea that a lot of people theorize about. Hell, I believe even Kent said they might’ve had something going, albeit something unhealthy. There isn’t any evidence of a previous romantic relationship in the game, just a speculation amongst players that can add some even darker tones to their problematic relationship.

So, Brody and Marlon chat before dinner, AJ comes over and apologizes, Marlon is once again super chill and sweet to AJ and it’s great. I love the way he handles AJ.

Marlon and Brody even have a little moment where they look at each other, silent conversation and all, before he accepts the apology. Hmm. 

We don’t get to chat with Brody again until after the office scene if you choose to go fishing, and here’s where I start theorizing about Brody’s true reasons for wanting to go on a road trip.

Obviously, the whole Brody and Violet thing is what’s at focus for this scene- do you help Violet forgive Brody or not, but the whole time outside of that, Brody is very focused on another idea- taking a road trip. 

“I've lived here my entire life. Heck, I'd say I know every inch of these woods. I'd kind of like to un-know it. “

And while you can easily look at this as “Oh, Brody’s just a dreamer, she wants to go on a road trip with all her friends and explore somewhere new. So what?” allow me to put on my tinfoil hat and look too much into it. 

Brody wants to escape Marlon, the situation they got themselves into, and leave the guilt behind. Hop in a truck, leave Ericson and the place she and Marlon traded away their friends at, leave Marlon behind, and start somewhere new where she can pretend everything’s okay. Escape the anxiety and trauma.  

Just to clarify, I don’t think Brody would just up and abandon everyone to go on a road trip or anything, this is just something she fantasized and talks about wistfully. Which is fair- if it’s the apocalypse, I’m going to have fantasies like that to escape and help maintain my sanity, too. It’s a way of coping. 

The reason I say she wants to get away from Marlon is that he appears to be the driving force behind her being quiet. Though I do think we tend to gloss over the fact that Brody was indeed there and she could’ve come clean about the twins prior to Clementine and AJ’s arrival due to her murder. 

Sure, I don’t doubt Marlon told her to be quiet, that he’d figure something out... but when his decision was to keep it a secret and move on with their lives, Brody agreed. We don’t know what it took for her to agree, though. That’s the thing.

Maybe Marlon convinced her, maybe he threatened her, and maybe she agreed all by herself. 

We don’t know. She never got to tell us. 

But going off of what I’ve seen of Brody and her behavior towards Marlon in Done Running, I’m more inclined to believe that she was willing to agree because, just like Marlon, she had that guilt weighing on her shoulders. She couldn’t stop what happened, and she had no choice but to go along with it. 

She was there with Marlon when the twins were taken away. She was the one who broke the news to Violet and that had to be so damn hard all by itself, y’know... having to lie to her face about it. She helped Tenn, the twins’ little brother, take down Sophie’s paintings and clean out their dorm. 

She and Marlon stood side by side, kept quiet and watched everyone mourn the deaths of Sophie and Minerva, all while knowing what really happened. Neither of them came clean for their own reasons. 

That kind of shit will destroy your insides and drive you mad, which is what we see down in the basement. These are two broken partners in crime who are seconds away from snapping. They’re stuck, they’re overwhelmed, they can’t agree on anything, they’re arguing and getting physically upset with one another. They’ve turned into worse versions of themselves because of this. 

Marlon is no longer the chill, kind, genuine guy I praised in the beginning of this, and Brody isn’t the sweet, friendly dreamer who wanted to take a road trip with her friends. 

Marlon is angry, scared, and lashing out. Brody is an anxious mess.

And they kind of hate each other.

It’s horrible. It breaks my heart. 

And thinking about what happened the day they got themselves into this disaster... maybe Brody did protest in the beginning before Marlon convinced her that the best thing to do was be quiet and move on, that maybe they’ll never come back and this was the only thing they could do for the best interest of the group, and she agreed. 

Maybe she went into a full blown panic attack that Marlon helped her work through all while dealing with his own emotions and that, in a twisted way, brought them closer. 

We don’t know. 

But you’d think that if she so easily spilled everything to Clementine, that she would’ve eventually broke down and told everyone else, too... yeah? That Marlon would’ve pushed her far enough that she slipped. 

To that you can argue that it was the fact that Abel and his people were back that set her off, seeing that it was happening all over again and she refused to go through that. Then, when Marlon says he has a plan, that they’ll use Clementine and AJ, that was the final nail in the coffin that sets her mind to confessing. Clementine just happened to come down and Brody took the opportunity. 

The thing is... Brody had to be feeling to same way Marlon was- ashamed, guilty, heartbroken, traumatized, terrified, and so many overwhelming emotions. I think she knew what would happen if they came clean and that scared her.

She wanted to be friends with Violet again, the way they used to be- “We all used to be friends. Guess I just kinda miss that.“ and if Violet’s distanced not knowing the truth now? Imagine what she would’ve been like if Brody came clean. 

Same goes for the rest of the crew. 

Marlon gets a lot of the blame for what happened, which is totally fair and justified, but like I said, we gloss over that Brody was there as well. I just wish we had more context as to how they handled it at the beginning as that would give such a great insight to Marlon and his growth [or decline] over the year prior to TFS. 

And y’know... I think it was a blessing and a curse to have someone in on the secret. He has someone to talk about it to so he doesn’t feel as alone... but that comes with the constant worry of “what is she confesses?” and that’s where I think Marlon turned to intimidation out of his own fears and insecurities, which put a huge strain on his and Brody’s relationship, as well as their mental health.

It doesn’t help that it seems Brody has issues with anxiety and panic attacks going off what we saw in Done Running. 

Moving on to the beginning of the red flags with Marlon... let’s look at their conversations after Clementine and crew get back after the deal with the train station. 

Right as we enter, we hear them in the middle of this-

Brody: “You are not listening to me. Marlon, listen to me- I'm telling you, the place was ransacked!”

Marlon: “It's fine. We'll deal with it.”

Who knows how long this conversation has gone on... and once again, Marlon isn’t listening. Hell, Brody is flat out saying he’s not listening. If this wasn’t alarming enough, Brody goes off on Clementine upon learning Abel’s fate and Marlon rushes in... probably to make sure she doesn’t say anything he doesn’t want her to. 

Brody: “I just can't... I won't... just not again... fuck!”

Marlon: “What the hell's going on here?”

Brody: “She took them outside the safe zone... They saw someone! You know what that means-!”

Marlon: “Enough! It just means there's a hungry guy out there looking for food. It's happened before. You are overreacting.”

Brody: “You can't be serious!”

[Marlon grabs her arm]

Marlon: “Come on, let's go somewhere and talk about this.”

So... yikes. 

It’s that arm grab, man. That set off some alarm bells. It happens super quick before it cuts back and Brody shoves him so hard, he falls to the ground. Which takes a lot of force. Then Brody turns the blame on Clementine, which is interesting. 

None of that is great. But Marlon gets up and you can feel how exasperated and stressed he is that Brody made that scene and that Clementine took Louis and Violet outside the safe zone. He’s just learned that Abel is back, Brody is cracking, and it’s the calm before the storm.

It’s worth noting that even though he’s clearly upset, he’s still holding onto to this “I’m the leader, I know I asked you for help and you did, it’s fine, we’ll be eating for a while. It’s fine. I’ll go talk to Brody, go eat. Everything is fine.” 

Giving off the appearance that everything’s okay. Nothing wrong, Brody’s just paranoid. It’s fine. 

And if you’re like me, you said, “Hmmmmm... I have bad feelings.”

Though, I’d like to add that I also like that he admits that he always worries if Clementine tells him he doesn’t have to. A bit of vulnerability slipping through. So that’s it, right? He’s just worried. 

Well... that’s not wrong, but... 

Also, Marlon tells Brody she’s overreacting quite a bit and I bet that’s something he’s said to her plenty in the past. It’s just.. ugh. 

Okay, time for the fun part. 

As we all know, Clementine and AJ are woken up by voices in the pipes. They belong to Marlon and Brody as they’re having an argument down in the basement. 

What’s really sad is that they’re the only ones who seemingly notice. Clementine’s the only one who bothered to get out of bed and see what the hell was going on. Which makes me think that this isn’t the first time they’ve fought like this, so the rest of the Ericson crew just ignore it.

Which is pretty fucked up. You’d think that someone would hear it and go down there to at least tell them to knock it off. 

You could argue that maybe only Clementine and AJ could hear it because they’re closer to the basement door, which is fair. But there are other rooms in that hallway that are close enough, so unless those rooms are all empty... someone else had to of heard something. 

Hell, they all hear Marlon and AJ yelling at each other in a thunderstorm outside... why not hear this? 

In order for me to go over the entire basement conversation, we all gotta be up to speed. The conversation is below but if you want to hear the voice acting, you can watch this video here.

Marlon: “Why can't you just do what I ask you to do?”

Brody: “Because we caused all this, and now we have to deal with it!”

Marlon: “I am dealing with it!”

Brody: “By tradin' more of us away? That's not fixin' the problem, that's runnin' away from it! ...Let me go!”

Marlon: “Hey, calm down.”

Brody: “Don't tell me to calm down! You can't do this! You can't just-ahh!... Please...please! If we just tell everyone what's goin' on, maybe we can-”

Marlon: “I said shut up!”

[it’s implied Marlon does something here... grabs her, pushes her, hits her... there are no other sounds in the video but it’s not good. You can hear it in both their voices and “I said shut up!” is exactly what he says before he hits her with the flashlight later soo...]

Marlon: “Shit, shit. Brody, are you okay?”

Brody: “Fuck you. ...There's got to be some other way.”

Marlon: “There is no other way. Goddamn it, so few of us left... What else would you have me do?”

Brody: “Something! There's got to be something.”

Marlon: “No, no, no, there's nothing. Nothing, Brody!”

Brody: “That can't be true!”

Marlon: “You know, maybe...maybe it doesn't matter. It probably doesn't matter at all. It's just a couple of cigarettes. I mean... Just one fucking guy! This is an insurance policy.”

[insurance policy = Clementine and AJ. Nice, Marlon. Also his denial and inability to listen is super prominent here.]

Brody: “An insurance policy? These are fucking people, Marlon!”

Marlon: “I know that! Fuck, I know that. ...You are overreacting. I'm telling you!”

Brody: “What if I'm not?”

Marlon: “No, you are. So knock it the fuck off, Brody.”

Brody: “You knock it the fuck off! You are unbelievable! You fucking coward!”

Marlon: “Hey, HEY! We are in this together. You will not put this all on me! ...Damn it, Brody! We don't even know for sure it was them!”

Brody: “You know he's not alone. Those bastards are back and it's only a matter of time before they find us. You know that!”

Marlon: “I don't know shit, and neither do you! Goddamn it, Brody, keep it together!”

Brody: ‘There you go again, getting so mad.”.

Marlon: “Well, what do you want me to do? You're making me mad!”

Brody: “Oh, we have to tell the others! About what you did!”

It’s not a fun conversation. At all. I hate it, even if the voice acting is terrific.

So here’s the thing about this conversation... Marlon is stuck. He’s refusing to see any other way of handling the raiders return because what else is there to do? Fight them off? We know that’s something Marlon doesn’t want to do for a number of reasons- he’d have to come clean, he’d have to develop a plan of attack, he’d risk everyone at the school- so in his mind, being quiet and keeping Clementine and AJ as “insurance” is the best course of action to keep the others safe. 

But then there’s Brody. She’s had enough and you can tell that it’s all become too much for her. She just wants to come clean and face the consequences, she wants Marlon to own up to what happened, and she’s willing to face his anger and call him out on it. It gets to the point where she starts to plead that they have to tell the others. 

The more and more she goes on, the angrier Marlon gets. All his shame, grief, stress, and anger have became a dangerous cocktail that causes him to lash out. 

And he fucking does. That part where he tells her to shut up then there’s this dead pause? Then his voice breaks as he apologizes and asks if she’s okay? Followed by Brody’s “fuck you.”? 

Their fight has become physical now. It’s not just them yelling at each other, and while I want to give Marlon the benefit of the doubt and say that maybe he grabbed her like he did before which isn’t great either but fucking hell, that’s not what it sounds like. He hit or pushed her or something and... God damn it, Marlon. That’s inexcusable and it makes me question if he’s ever gotten physical with her before. Especially since Brody continues the conversation like it’s happened before....

God, I miss when Marlon was chill and sweet. Remember when he helped Clementine with Rosie? I do... Can we go back to that?

...Anyway, this whole conversation sucks and it gets worse. Marlon is a hair away from melt down and Brody is becoming desperate for him to listen to her. 

So when Clementine comes down, everything comes to a head.

And at first, you think think that maybe Clementine can calm the situation, defuse it. But then Marlon goes into defensive “everything’s fine” mode, telling Clementine there’s nothing to worry about and to go back to bed. 

Take note of his hard tone here, too. He’s doing that dominating tone, but elevated from when he used it before. He shines the light in Clementine’s face and says, “Brody and I were just talkin', go get some sleep. You deserve some shut-eye. You had a busy day.” In hopes that she’ll be intimidated and cooperate but... well, Clementine isn’t and doesn’t.

And Brody seizes the opportunity. 

Brody: “The man you met at the station. We got history.”

Marlon: “Brody... Don't listen to her, Clem, she's acting crazy. She gets this way sometimes, you just gotta tune it out.”

The desperation in Marlon’s voice here is just... ugh. Trying so hard to discredit Brody and take control back of the situation. 

That’s what it all comes back to, isn’t it? Marlon’s control. He knows Brody’s slipping and no matter what he does or says, he can’t regain his control over her and the situation. Clementine is threatening that and it’s spiking his anger. 

We all know what happens next. 

Brody: “Marlon let him take the twins. Him and his people.”

Marlon: “Damn it, Brody!”

Clementine: “Tenn's sisters? I thought they were killed by walkers.”

Brody: “That's the story we told everyone.’

Marlon: “Shut up.”

Brody: “'Cause Marlon was so ashamed of what-”

Marlon: “I said SHUT UP!”

Marlon loses control, hits Brody with his flashlight so hard that it kills her, and realization of how badly fucked up he’s become dawns on him.

Yeah, Marlon... Brody’s bleeding out on the floor because of you, because you were so desperate to keep control and hide your shame from everyone, and this is what it manifested into. 

Yet, he tries to rationalize it like it’s not his fault. He’s in denial. He told her not to say it, and she did. But it’s okay, she’s going to be okay.

Which is fucked, but at this point, Marlon’s in a full blown panic - “Oh, shit, Brody. I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. You're gonna be okay, I promise. Goddamn it, help! Why did you say that, Brody? I...I told you not to say it. Please be okay.” He’s all over the place and doesn’t know what to do. 

And it gets worse. 

Because Marlon’s in such a panic, brain scattered with a shit ton of horrifying thoughts- “What do I tell everyone? Brody’s dead and I killed her. How will everyone look at me? I betrayed them. I betrayed all of them. The raiders are coming back. Clementine knows the truth. What do I do? I can’t let them know. I can’t tell the truth because they will see me for what I really am.”  -when he hears Brody tell Clementine everything, he once again does something shitty to save himself. He runs and locks Clementine in the basement, knowing that Brody’s going to turn. 

Clementine: “Marlon, you son of a bitch, don't do this!”

Marlon: “I'm sorry... I can't...I can't let you talk to the others.”

So... what does this entire scene tell us about Marlon?

Well, first off, I shouldn’t trust someone just because they love dogs. That’s on me. 

This is where Marlon goes from friend to foe and it’s a lot to take in. This scene is the reason people question Marlon’s real motivations, question whether or not he was ever good if he had it in him to murder Brody in order to keep her quiet.

But that’s the thing, when you watch this scene, you can tell that Marlon didn’t mean to kill her. In a fit of anger, he didn’t know his own strength and lashed out and she died because of it. He should still be held accountable for it, even if it was an accident. But because he’s holding on to whatever he can, he refuses to take accountability, choosing to then leave Clementine for death and pin everything on her. 

He has no plan after that, he just knows that he has to regain control over everything or else he’s done. He doesn’t have time to mourn Brody or come to terms with what he had done because he’s moving so fast to “fix” everything, y’know? 

What Marlon did down here was inexcusable. I can do my best to explain what lead Marlon to this point and why he did what he did, but that doesn’t justify anything. 

Now... before I move on to talk about the confrontation scene, there is one more important character in Marlon’s life to cover.

[Louis and a broken friendship]

“I hope you know Louis didn't mean any harm there. He's just the world's biggest dumbass. He's my best friend, so I can legally call him that.”

Where to even begin? 

From the beginning, I guess. 

Louis and Marlon have known each other for years, back before the walkers came and the world ended. We know this because of the photo in Marlon’s office and how everyone tells us that they’re best friends. 

And it’s funny that they’re such best friends but the game doesn’t care much to show us that, or even go into details about their relationship. Which, in my opinion, was a bit of a failure on the writers part. I know you probably didn’t have time and all the usual reasons, but you’d think that this relationship would be important enough to cover just a tad bit more considering that Louis is a potential love interest and Marlon’s the antagonist. 

Y’know?

The only times Marlon and Louis actually interact with one another for more than two seconds is during the card game and during the confrontation, and even that is slim if you choose to appeal to Violet. 

But like, no guys, they’re super best friends. Trust us, we told you, like, twice. 

I hate to get into the Louis vs Violet thing since this is about Marlon, but let me explain why this bothers me. 

They didn’t have any issues letting Violet spill her guts about her past with the twins, specifically Minerva. Now, the twins are considered dead at this point, so it’s not like they could show them interacting, so they get a pass for the show rather than telling. Except they do show that Violet and Minerva were girlfriends when you go fishing and look at the initials on the wall. 

I’m not saying that this isn’t important. It is. I explained why it’s important to Marlon’s character previously, too. 

But this is when we run into a problem with what they decided to do with Louis- Louis doesn’t tell us jack shit about his relationship with Marlon in Done Running prior to appealing to him during the confrontation. All I ask is why not? 

Look, to be frank, the picture is nice and all, but it’s not enough. Marlon saying “Oh yeah, muh best friend,” once isn’t enough. You barely scraped by with what you gave us. 

Louis doesn’t tell us anything about his past, at least nothing important to the plot. When Aasim makes a comment about him being Marlon’s lap dog, Louis brushes it off with a joke, and never mentions Marlon again. The only time Louis actually lets us in is if you take care of the walker with him and he explains his way of thinking before realizing he let his guard down and puts the mask back on. 

Louis isn’t willing to share anything about his friendship with Marlon but Violet’s over here super willing to open up about the twins and Brody? That’s hilarious because you’d think it’d be the other way around. 

You’d think that they’d have Louis saying something about Marlon to show us that he has a blind faith in Marlon or trusts him to a fault. He can see that Aasim doesn’t get along with Marlon and questions his leadership, so why not have him say something in defense of Marlon? 

And perhaps it’s on purpose. Maybe Louis’ trust in Marlon is so great that he doesn’t feel the need to defend him because he knows how Aasim gets. They have plenty of other stuff to argue about, why add another thing? Fine, that makes sense... but why not have him say something to Clementine? Hell, have Clementine ask him about Marlon and the safe zone and what he thinks about it?

Like when Clementine’s all “Hey, let’s go to the train station.”

Louis just stands there like “’kay,” without any indication of “Yeah Marlon wouldn’t like that.”

...Maybe he doesn’t care? Who knows. 

I’m just saying, they would’ve benefited from adding a conversation with Louis about Marlon so that we could get his perspective of their relationship BEFORE the confrontation rather than waiting until ep2 for him to give us some details. 

But, like, it’s fine... I’ll just work with what I got. 

There isn’t too much to say about them during the card game. They’re chill, they’re buddies. Louis does this cute whistle that Marlon bobs his head to and that’s pretty neat. 

After Louis asks Clementine if she ever had to kill someone she loved and the game ends, Marlon goes to make sure Clementine’s okay and let her know that Louis didn’t mean to hurt her feelings, he’s just a dumbass.

But it’s fine, they’re best friends so he can legally call him that. This is the first time we see Marlon say something like that about Louis, the second time being in the office. He’ll admit that he hopes Louis will actually show up to go hunting, which says a lot about the amount of faith he puts into Louis. 

Which is interesting to think about how one-sided their friendship can seem when you start putting pieces together. Louis has complete faith in Marlon but Marlon doesn’t return that faith due to the fact that he knows Louis runs on his own time, y’know? Louis appears to be honest while Marlon is dishonest.

Knowing how Marlon is and his need for control, you’d think that he’d be more stern with Louis. He’s like that with everyone else... until you remember that Marlon has a soft spot for Louis. One that allows him to take control in a different way. 

I can’t help but feel Marlon had this sense of entitlement to Louis as his best friend. Marlon’s been Louis’ friend the longest, Marlon is the only one who can call Louis an idiot, Marlon gives Louis special treatment in many ways that others notice, Marlon knows Louis better than anyone else does. Marlon loves Louis like he’s his own blood. 

And if you know anything about Louis and his character, you know a big part of his arc is confidence and self-esteem. I mean, real self-esteem, not the persona he puts on. Looking back at everything we’ve covered, it’s not out of the question to think that Marlon could’ve used that part of Louis to his advantage. He’s Louis’ best friend, Louis can trust him because Marlon’s always had his back, always appeared to see beyond the jokes and piano because they’ve know each other longest. They’re practically brothers. 

Having that control over Louis is important to Marlon, and while that seems like a slimy way to put it, it’s true. I don’t think Marlon ever saw Louis as a pawn or anything- I believe Marlon genuinely cared about and loved Louis- but when it came to the twins, he didn’t confide him. Marlon didn’t want to lose the closest connection he had, the one person who couldn’t see him for who he turned into, and he didn’t want Louis to tell everyone else. 

There ya go- yet another layer of guilt and shame for Marlon. 

Not only that, but Marlon didn’t have much confidence in him, found him irresponsible. He had to deal with the fact that he still loved Louis while acknowledging that he’s not reliable. 

That brings us to when Clementine appeals to Louis. 

Here’s where Marlon becomes a cocky bastard. 

Clementine: “Louis, don't let him do this!”

Louis: “Oh, no. I am not involved.”

Clementine: “What?”

Louis: “I like you, Clem, but I...”

[Louis looks to Marlon, who gives him an intimidating look back that shuts Louis down. There’s the control.]

Louis: “Not me. I'm sorry. You're, uh, on your own. Sorry.”

And Marlon’s face...? He’s so smug I could slap him. He looks at Clementine like “Oh, you thought Louis was gonna help you, huh? HA! My best friend, dingus.”

What’s funny is that in all my searching through reddit and youtube and what have you, a lot of people complain that Louis is “harder” to get to side with you. Which, technically, no he’s not. Both he and Violet require you to pick two dialogue choices before they help. Louis only appears harder because Marlon intimidates him into being quiet and that makes it seem like he won’t help you. 

Though, to be fair, he does attempt to step in after Clementine pleads with him the first time.

“Shit. Marlon, come on, man. Drop the gun.”

And Marlon really doesn’t like that. 

He snaps out Louis’ name and you see Louis visibly flinch at this. Either this is the first time Marlon’s risen his voice at him like this or it’s not, it’s hard to tell. 

“She. Killed. Brody! We can't let her walk away.” 

Funny how he says we there...

You can feel how conflicted Louis is here, just like how you can feel Marlon’s control and manipulation at play. Louis wants to believe Marlon, but he’s out here with blood all over his face and waving a gun around. He’s about to shoot Clementine, and that will make him a murderer no matter how you look at it and Louis knows this. 

He’s looking at a version of his best friend that he doesn’t recognize, but because he’s scared, it makes Louis backtrack and curl into himself. 

“Clem, I... I... I gotta trust Marlon. I just... I gotta. I always have.”

Here, you have two choices:

“He didn't trust you with the truth! He lied to you about the twins. He doesn't deserve your trust.”

Or

“Brody trusted him. And now she's dead. And he killed her!”

Personally, I prefer the first one, but both of these strike a nerve within Louis. He knows she’s right. 

Marlon yells at Clementine and gets ready to shoot her, which she accepts by the way she steps back and closes her eyes. 

Louis, with both hands up, slowly steps between them, free of Marlon’s control and trying to save both him and Clementine. 

Marlon, baffled that he’d ever do this, even moves the gun away as he stares at Louis in disbelief. 

Marlon: “You don't know what you're doing, man!”

Louis: “C'mon, dude, just drop the gun. This is how adults do things. Not us.”

Can I just say that Marlon must feel so fucking powerless seeing Louis step up to him like this? Like, with Violet he’s not surprised and not even remotely intimidated by her little meat cleaver, but with Louis? He is not okay. 

The others step forward and Marlon knows that he’s lost. Pointing a gun at his best friend? Knowing that if he so much as accidentally squeezed the trigger, Louis would be dead? Everyone has turned against him. 

Not great. 

You guys know me, you know that I much prefer appealing to Louis over Violet because of the power behind this and how much of an effect it has on Marlon. It’s perfectly executed. 

A couple more things to talk about regarding this scene. If you call Marlon pathetic, he says something interesting to Louis. 

Clementine: “You're pathetic.”

[Marlon drops his gun]

Marlon: “I know. Always was.”

Louis: “That isn't true.”

Marlon: “No, Louis, it is. You were just the only one who couldn't see it.”

When I say my heart hurts... muh heart hurts. Because this is what their friendship became, they both realize it, and Louis is devastated. 

On the flip side, if you say- 

Clementine: “We can still fix this, Marlon. It's going to be okay. We can make this right.”

Louis: “We'll help you. We're all family here. The only one any of us has left.”

Which shows that despite everything, Louis does have a little bit of faith left in Marlon and wants to help him, which Marlon feels he doesn’t deserve.

Then AJ shoots Marlon in the head.

And I really, really wish there was an option to just stay in bed to avoid all of this.

Okay.

Louis is a fucking mess after this. 

The writers finally said, “Hey, remember when Luke had absolutely no reaction to his best friend’s death in s2? What if we don’t do that this time?”

I don’t want to get too into this because this isn’t a Louis analysis, but let me quickly summarize the affect Marlon’s death had on Louis.

Anyone who was around when Suffer the Children came out remembers all the discourse about Louis. Lot of people pissed at him for being upset. Which fine, you’re allowed to be upset with him because he’s mad at Clementine and AJ, but let me remind you that he just witnessed his best friend of 8+ years being  murdered right before his eyes after no longer being a threat and he was powerless to do anything about it.

Marlon’s death hurt and traumatized Louis in so many ways and that’s something we see throughout the episode. Even though Marlon is dead, he continues to have an effect on Louis and everyone at Ericson because of what he did and how he died. 

And to clarify, Louis never hated Clementine and AJ for what happened. He just didn’t know what to do. He was overwhelmed, hurt, pissed, and never had time to mourn before raiders came knocking on their doors. He dealt with the fact that his best friend wasn’t who he thought he was and how Marlon hurt everyone at this school, that Marlon was a murderer. 

That’s a fucking lot. 

And it continues to hurt him through the rest of the season. 

Honestly, Louis says everything best:

“You sound like Marlon. I mean, not about fighting, but when he was trying to cheer us all up. For years, I sat around making stupid jokes, playing stupid games, while my best friend was left with all the responsibility. All the tough calls. All the sleepless nights. And eventually, a bullet in the head. And I didn't do a damn thing about it. And then, when you tried to tell us what he was really like, and AJ shot him, I blamed you. Both of you. If I could take it back, I would. I knew that the day you got back. I still do. ...He was my best friend. Almost like my brother, but the things he did? They were fucked up. I'll never be glad he died. But I understand why AJ thought it was the right thing to do.” 

[The final confrontation and Marlon’s murder]

“I know I betrayed you... all of you. Just let me leave. You'll never have to see me again. Just let me become...a bad memory. Just give me that. Please.”

The final confrontation is my favorite Marlon moment from a storytelling standpoint.

Just... everything about it. The thunderstorm, the voice acting, Marlon’s complete turn to antagonist and break down, Clementine appealing to Louis/Violet, Rosie barking in the background... it’s just great. It hurts but I love it. 

This is where we see Marlon’s manipulation at it’s peak. He knows he’s fucked, but is still so desperate to cling on that he throws everything he can at Clementine. He accuses her of murdering Brody, working with the raiders, takes low blows against everyone, especially Louis and Violet, and goes as far as to point a gun at Clementine with the intention of shooting her. 

Because that’ll fix everything... I guess? 

Marlon didn’t think this through. 

Anyway...

“We saved their lives when anyone else would've kept walking! We fed them, we kept them warm! And this is how they thank us?! Guns being pulled and murder! Well, FUCK! THEM!”

Marlon is broken, his last resort it to try and salvage himself, to win the group’s favor.

“Aw, come the fuck on! They only met up with these ‘raiders’ because Clem insisted they go out there. Quite the coincidence, isn't it? Shame I don't believe in those. Think about how scared we all were when the adults left. I pulled us out of that fear. I gave us all courage again. Who are y'all gonna believe, huh? Johnny-come-lately and her little fucking lunatic? Or me? Your friend?”

He’s pulling out the big guns, reminding everyone that he was the one who pulled them out of their fear and gave them courage, that he’s their friend who they’ve known and trusted for 8+ years while they just met Clementine two days ago.

Who are you going to believe?

As well all know, Clementine takes a risk and appeals to Louis or Violet. I already covered them so we’ll skip ahead to everyone turning on him. 

This is when Marlon realizes he’s losing and that anger bubbles up. 

“You don't get it. You- you don't understand at all, do you? I'm trying to protect you! All of you! Every fucking one of you!”

And he lashes out, pointing the gun at everyone now, and finally... the truth comes out. 

“...I made the right call. I saved the lives of everyone in this fucking school! If they came back... I'd do it again!”

...Yikes. 

Now, I’ve talked about this scene in previous parts, said most of what I wanted to say, but there is one thing I haven’t covered, and that’s Tenn. 

Tenn: “You told me they died!”

Marlon: “I had to save the rest of you, okay?”

Tenn: “You gave my sisters away. Why would you do something like that? I trusted you, Marlon! THEY trusted you! ....We all trusted you...”

Marlon: “I know... I know..”

Tenn was first introduced along side Marlon and you can tell that he cares about him and is protective. Not only that, but Tenn is comfortable enough to play in Marlon’s office, which is something I assume he does regularly. 

It makes me think that Marlon took Tenn under his wing, if you will, after the twins died. Perhaps as some way to try and make himself better, maybe to try and make it up to the twins by swearing to protect him. 

Tenn is what gets Marlon to take it down a bit, to explain that he didn’t want to hurt the twins, he just didn’t have any choice. He even admits to Tenn that he was too scared to develop a rescue plan. 

You can hear it in his voice when he looks to Tenn and speaks, and Tenn is the one who gets him to confess that he was the one who killed Brody, not Clementine. 

Marlon: “I wanted to get them. Stage some kind of rescue. Honest, Tenn. I just couldn't. I was...I was too afraid.”

Tenn: “You killed Brody because she knew?”

Marlon: “Mm-hmm... I didn't mean to. I didn't want this. I wanted to save all of you. Sophie, Minerva. I didn't want to hurt them.”

Which is huge. It wasn’t Clementine, it wasn’t Louis or Violet who got him to confess, it was Tenn. Hearing this boy on the verge of tears tell Marlon that they all trusted him, how could he do this to them... that got through to him. 

And I believe Tenn is the one who solidified that Marlon wanted to leave. He didn’t want to stay and see everyone look and treat him differently, see everyone hate him- He couldn’t face Louis, his best friend. He couldn’t face Violet, the girl he betrayed. He couldn’t face Clementine and AJ, couldn’t face everyone he tried to protect. 

And he couldn’t face Tenn. 

But you know what says a lot about Tenn? If you choose to remain silent after Marlon says he didn’t want to hurt them, he says:

“I forgive you.”

[?] Marlon won’t forget that. 

But even with that forgiveness? I don’t Marlon believes he deserves that, especially from Tenn. He grateful Tenn forgave him, but he still feels it’s best that he leaves.

“I know I betrayed you. All of you. Just let me leave. You'll never have to see me again. Just let me become...a bad memory. Just give me that. Please.” 

And we all know what happens next. 

So... this begs the question... after everything that Marlon did and didn’t do...

Did Marlon deserve his fate?

No.

Marlon didn’t deserve this. That’s the short answer. 

In my opinion, AJ was far from justified in what he did. 

This is a good time to compare Marlon and Lilly, since that comes up quite a bit. When Lilly surrenders at the end of Broken Toys, she does it to manipulate the situation in her favor and get the upper hand again. 

The second you show any sort of kindness towards Lilly, she takes advantage of you because she never saw the error in her ways. She believed every cruel thing she ever did was for a good cause and only ever feels remorse when she loses everyone. 

Marlon, on the other hand, genuinely surrendered. This was the first time he gave up his control and accepted what he had done, ready to face the consequences and be outcast from Ericson for his crimes. He dropped his weapon, he was no longer a threat. Marlon no longer had any malicious intent once everyone turned against him. 

And the biggest difference between Marlon and Lilly is that Marlon felt that shame since the beginning. He did bad things for the sake of Ericson, but not once did he take pride in what he did to the twins or Brody. He felt nothing but remorse.

Brody’s dead, Sophie and Minerva are gone, and he realizes what he’s become.

The tragedy of Marlon is that his fate was decided by a child who was unable to read the situation for what it was, who took it upon themselves to take Marlon’s life despite the fact that everything was over. Marlon never gets a redemption arc, and maybe he didn’t deserve one. It depends on how you feel.

But for me, he definitely didn’t deserve to be shot in the back of the head like that.  

[Final thoughts]

“...It's hard to survive too long these days without being a bit... ‘troubled.’”

Marlon is... complicated. 

That’s a good word. 

On one hand, he does have some genuine moments where he’s a chill dude looking out for his family and there’s a lot to like about him, but on the other hand... he did a lot of bad shit. 

If I had to pick a “problematic fav” within TFS, Marlon would be it. 

Like I mentioned previously, I wish we had more interactions with him and Louis, but we did get enough to get the point across. 

As for Marlon’s backstory and why he was sent to Ericson, it’s never stated and none of the creators have come forward with information. My theory? That’s a great question. 

Most are inclined to believe that he’s there due to anger and behavior problems, but for all we know, that stuff developed over time since I don’t know if someone like that would be put in a leader position. Or maybe it is and he forced himself in, I dunno. 

My guess is that it’s something we’d never expect. I don’t know if I have a theory because, well, I don’t exactly feel qualified to diagnose Marlon with something I haven’t done a shit ton of research on, y’know? 

Even after writing this and looking through everything... I couldn’t tell you. 

I find Marlon to be a compelling character that I wish stuck around longer. He’s an example of a kid who grew up too fast with the lives of his whole community on his shoulders. He was faced with a no-win situation and suffered with every decision made. His desire to control everything around him, to ground him, led to his downfall. 

In the end, Marlon expressed sincere guilt for what he did. Apologizing doesn’t magically make everything he did okay, far from it, but it was a step in the right direction. I wish he had the chance at some kind of redemption, but it’s The Walking Dead. Not everyone gets a redemption arc, most get theirs torn from their grasp. Marlon is one of those people. 

He had a lot of good qualities that were severely overshadowed by his final moments. I believe he genuinely cared about Ericson and believed he was doing all the right things to protect him. He took things too far, manipulating those closest to him and causing them more pain than he ever thought. 

All in all, an enjoyable, complex character. 

Want to see more of these long character discussion posts? Let me know! Feel free to send suggestions for characters you’d like me to cover in the future! Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed this Marlon character discussion/analysis/rant thing! Let me know your thoughts on Marlon!

[closer-stars]

Silence - Seonghwa

Member: Seonghwa Genre: Comfort, Fluff, mild angst?  Requested: Yes Word count: 3.7k Content: Insecurities when it comes to picking at skin and lips. Seonghwa wants to help you. Food mention. The rest of the boys are touchy as heck. Stress.  Note: This thing is long winded cause a close friend requested this so I wanted to make this something that they can read whenever it hits them especially when their stress is high. Also since this is comfort fic that they requested, I won’t tag for their privacy. The same goes for any comfort fic that might be requested in the future. 

There was something about you today that Seonghwa couldn’t help but notice. He knows how stressed you’ve been lately. Too many things are happening at once in your life, and while you could manage a smile that reaches your eyes whenever someone asks if you were okay, the spark you put in your eyes dims once when they look away. Whenever you look at anything, your focus just isn't there. It was one thing to look at something and focus on it but it was another to look at it and look as if there was nothing. 

This goes on for the next few days as he notices more things. You did say you didn’t mind physical affection and to an extent it was true. The moments where the boys come up to you with a hug, you welcome it, the moments where they lean their head against your shoulder, you welcome it. But when one of them try to reach for your hand, you find ways to slip away from doing so, sometimes opting to fiddle with your phone or with the zipper of your hoodie, just anything to give yourself an excuse to not hold hands with them. 

A part of him wants to think it was because of how your exams were making you stressed and fidgety. He remembers how clammy you can get when you’re overwhelmed with your workload in the past. Yet another part of him counters that claim, even when you aren’t occupied with your responsibilities, you still slip away. You were a sneaky one in his books. For now, he’d support you quietly as you tackle each and every exam that lay ahead of your week. 

On the late night study sessions you pull in living room, he would put a bottle of water by you and some snacks to help keep you alert and awake. After Hongjoong came into his life, he knew better than to argue with someone hardheaded. “Don’t forget to drink water too okay? You’ve been focused on that subject since this afternoon.” He says while his fingers thread through your hair, gently massaging your scalp. 

“I just want to do well, Seonghwa.” You admit with a tired sigh. You lean back into his touch and somehow Seonghwa couldn’t help but think of you as a kitten who found relief with scratches on their head. 

“And you will. Pace yourself okay?” He lets go of your head gently, pressing a quick peck on the top of your head. “I’m going to bed already, get some sleep also after that.” He advises while he stretches his back. 

Your eyes graze at the amount of notes you’ve had spread across the table. “I’ll try.” You say, and even to yourself, it doesn’t sound promising. The stern look he gives you was enough for you to retract your statement. “Okay, okay. I will. Just wake me up when you do please?” Even if the exam is in two days and you’ve already covered a good percentage of the coverage, you just didn’t feel like it’s enough yet. 

A sigh slips through the male’s lips and he nods. He can’t win with two stubborn heads in his life. “Fine. Good night..” Thus leaving you on your own with your notes. 

So you continue to study, until you raise the white flag. You pack your notes in between the textbook, put away the bowl then head to bed. 

The sleep you had feels more like a nap as Seonghwa gently shakes you awake. “Morning.. I made you breakfast.” He whispers, waiting for you to get up. At least you weren’t as difficult as San to wake up in the morning. Those words are enough to get you up from your still sleepy haze. The older male couldn’t help but chuckle softly at your excitement over his cooking, letting you get ready as he prepares your first meal of the day. 

If you weren’t in school, you were with the boys but even then, you were reviewing. Your fingers constantly fidgeting against your own skin as you try to focus. Sometimes one of them would attach themselves to you, a welcomed distraction before more concepts melt your brain. But whenever you find yourself relaxing from their touch, their fingers would always brush upon yours and it always wakes you up, pulling away from them a little more. Even if Seonghwa had to do damage control with Wooyoung and San bickering, he easily notices your discomfort along with Yunho’s pout when you pull away. Before he could say anything, Wooyoung and San were back to bickering about what to play, causing him to turn his attention back to the two. 

It’s clockwork from then on. Seonghwa preparing your meals day in and day out throughout the week. You getting next to no sleep as you prepare for each exam but as the week progresses, your mental state declines. You were starting to get impatient easily, you were berating yourself over the smallest errors, you even shy away from any sort of physical contact even if it was your love language. It was clear that you were on tunnel vision now. The stress was starting to take a toll on you and Seonghwa had to do something about it before you break.

The stress peaks when you are holding your head in your hands. Your nails dig into your skin as you try to keep your composure. Nothing in your notes was making sense anymore. Everything just seemed like jargon. He had your usual bottle of water and snacks in hand when he entered the room and saw your current disposition. He sets them down quietly and slips himself next to you. 

He quietly calms you down: arms around you, hushing you like a parent would to their child when they were crying uncontrollably. You weren’t. You couldn’t get yourself to cry. The only thing in your system were the equations, theories, definitions, and the connections of one topic to another. “I’m here. Hey, talk to me..” He gently urges as he moves himself into your line of vision. You turn your teary face away from his line of sight as you try to regain your composure. Your fingers find themselves threaded through your now messy hair as you try to train your blurry eyes at your notes. Holy fuck why is nothing getting into your brain? 

With a sigh, Seonghwa gently turns you to him, letting you cry against his chest. It’s obvious that you aren’t in the right state to talk so he whispers reassuring promises. “You’ll be okay.” He says softly into your ear as he rubs your back up and down. You were still shaking from the stress and how you were pretty much going through a breakdown. “Can you follow my breathing?” He asks softly as he brushes your hair delicately away from your face. Though you don’t reply, you try to focus your attention on his breathing, a feeble attempt to get your heart to slow down. Your tears and whimpers eventually stop and you still in his arms. “Do you want to sleep in my bed tonight?” His voice never raises in pitch or volume. You nod at his offer. He asks once more if you would rather be carried to bed or stand on your own. You opt for the latter, not that it surprises him. You were a strong one after all. But the strong ones sometimes had their down days. 

He walks you to his bed and almost immediately you plop yourself onto it. He tries to remember how your schedule would go tomorrow. Saturday. Rest day. He sighs in relief. He brings a bottle of water for you when you wake up. For tonight, your solace was in his bed and in his arms. 

You wake up with a pounding headache. The thin sunlight telling you that it was morning. A dry groan as you try to push away the headache as you shift. Your hands feel the material beneath you and it hits you that this isn’t your bed. You look to your side and you're greeted by Seonghwa’s sleeping face. That’s when you remember what went on last night. “Shit.” You mutter, sitting up immediately. “What day is it?” You groan out, disoriented by the sudden rush of blood. 

“Saturday. Your rest day.” Seonghwa returns, his voice raspy from having just woken up. You turn to the male who rubs his eyes awake then reaches for the bottle of water. “Drink. I’ll make us breakfast.” Glad to know it wasn’t only San who seems to go straight to the point when they wake up. You take the bottle and watch him stagger to the kitchen. 

After freshening up, you see that your notes lay untouched. Some of the notes had tear stains, a reminder of what happened. Considering what had went on last night, you figured it was better to keep these out of your sight for the rest of the day. By the time the male calls for you to eat, you’ve put your notes on your table. 

“Eat.” he says almost as an order. It was a hearty meal: rice, egg, meat, oatmeal and fruits. 

“Did you just make an entire course?” 

“Considering how you’ve worked your ass off the past few days leading to exam week. I have to step it up for you.” Seonghwa says as he slides onto his seat across yours, digging into his own meal. You look at your share in guilt but you start to eat as thanks. “You know..” He starts as his eyes stay on his meal. “Working hard is one thing but working yourself senseless is another thing.” He continues. “Getting good grades is important, sure but at the price of your own health?” His frustration was built from concern for your welfare and your recent habits.  “Maybe that exam is important sure but really... Your health is more important.” He goes on.

No wonder his members found him scary when he was angry. He means well but you can’t help but be focused on your academics. That’s the environment you grew up in, unlearning that mentality was going to be hard. “I’m sorry.” You say softly as you eat quietly. You looked like a sad kitten that just got into a fight with their sibling. 

He sighs. “Don’t be. I know how hard headed and driven you are. It’s like juggling two Hongjoongs.” It was a joke just to make you smile even a bit. “I’m just really worried for you.” 

“If it helps, I kept my notes for the day.” 

“Thank god.” 

That makes you laugh. Feeling light for the first time in a while, you finish the food in a better disposition. The rest of the day goes by quietly and for the first time in a while, you find yourself completely relaxed. Seonghwa notices this before you do. Your fingers weren’t fidgety and you just look like you were at peace with your surroundings. He smiles to himself and slides next to you. 

“Wanna play Overcooked?”

The following week goes by almost like a breeze. While you reviewed, you’d talk about it to Seonghwa to test yourself. Even if he didn’t understand any of these concepts you speak of, if it helps you then so be it. He asks you questions on certain topics, making sure you’ve covered everything. It does help you. Sure there were some topics that were tricky but you managed to get through the tests with a little more confidence than before. You had to thank Seonghwa after your exams. By the time you were done with your final exam, you felt a little dazed. A huge weight was off your shoulders and quite frankly, you couldn’t believe it. In your dazed state, you don’t realize your fingers against your lips, unconsciously playing with the skin. It was only when you tasted the iron on your lips that you realize the extent. So you suck on your lip, as you walk home. 

On the way home, you couldn’t help but stop by a few shops to buy some snacks for yourself and Seonghwa. In one shop, you find yourself with front row seats to a couple’s PDA. On normal days, this wouldn’t have affected you but considering how you are now and your nervous ticks have affected you, it hits you harder than usual. You tear your eyes away from them, opting to look at your phone, thinking if there was anything else you think Seonghwa would like. It was a good distraction but it still lingers in your mind. 

“I’m home.” You say as you put the snacks you bought on the counter. Seonghwa manages to welcome you with a proud smile. “Bought you some snacks too.” You add, gesturing to his strawberry milk tea among other things. While he was happy with your purchases, he catches the exhaustion in your eyes. 

“You look like you need rest..” He takes the food you bought for him and also ushers you gently to the living room. He has you sit down on the couch, before he does as well. The way you just drop yourself onto the couch, your eyes trained up on the ceiling as your body practically melts onto the material has the male sighing. 

“What?”

His eyes are trained at you. His gaze heavy with emotions that he had to keep at the back burner for your sake. “You know, I’ve been worried about you since you’ve been preparing for your exams.” He explains and you already know where this was going. Already defensive, you keep your hands in your pockets as you continue to keep your eyes up. The corner of your bottom lip is caught in between your teeth and it makes your dear friend tread carefully. “The boys asked me the other day,” he says slowly. “If you didn’t like holding hands with people.. I meant like, is it something you really don’t like to do with just us or really anyone..?” God why is it now that his speaking skills were going down the drain?

You had to admit, hearing him flounder for the right words was a little endearing. How were you going to tell him though that your evasion to holding hands was due to insecurities? The insecurities only rising when someone’s hand brushes against yours, when someone’s eyes flit to your bitten lips, when you see couples on the streets express their love to each other. Quite frankly, you found it so shallow and stupid to be this conscious but you couldn’t help it. The amount of times you wonder how it would be to be with someone, that question leads you to the imagery of being physically affectionate with them too. 

“I just don’t like the idea of having anyone hold my hands that have been roughened by stress, I guess.” Even to you, you didn’t sound that convincing. You look at your hand, lit by the lamp near you. You could see the picked skin: some healing, some freshly picked at. They feel rough and downright uncomfortable. With the boys, they were already mere friends but they want to hold your hand, what more with a potential lover? 

“What do you mean?” Seonghwa never really expected this type of answer from you. His eyes drift from your tired features to the digits that are up against the light. 

“Don’t you think it’s gross, Seonghwa? The idea of holding someone’s hand that’s been picked at from stress or unconsciously? Cause I’m looking at my hands right now and I can even feel the unevenness from my lips too and even I don’t want anyone touching these.” You admit with a dry laugh. 

It hurts him to know you see yourself like such. The way he sees you was far from it. He admired everything about you. Especially how you’re able to create things with your hands. How deft and agile you can be with your hands to get things done. How your lips were always expressive of your emotions. He realized how seeing your lips curve into a smile or how they let you laugh without a care in the world was his favorite. While others do say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, he wanted you to change that mindset one way or another. The boys saw you in an amazing light and for you to not see yourself as such, it sucks. 

“Look at me..” Seonghwa says after a moment. You do, you drop your hand and you had a hard time reading his expression. “Do you trust me?” He asks.

“Seonghwa, if you’re going to give me some sort of gag gift from Wooyoung I swear--”

“I’m being serious, do you trust me?” 

They weren’t joking when they say Seonghwa’s scary so you nod. “Yeah, I trust you.” You answer. So he pats the space in between you and him, gesturing for you to come closer. So you do. Your knees touching his from how close the two of you were sitting. He takes a deep breath, his heart racing but there weren’t any thoughts in his head except to reassure you. To reassure you that these perceived flaws will not be a big deal to the ones that love you unconditionally. His hands reach up to your cheeks, thumbs running gently against your cheeks. He brings his lips to gently graze against your forehead, to your cheeks, for a split moment you thought you would feel his lips against yours by how close he was to you but he presses a final kiss on your chin. He respects you so much to go past the boundaries of your friendship so he settles to end the kisses with one on your chin. 

“We don’t mind your imperfections. I’m sure as hell that I don’t. Holding hands, to the boys and to me, is a way we show our appreciation.” His hands drop to his lap. “While yes, hugs, snuggles, nuzzling against you do express those. Have you ever understood why holding hands have been a little different?” 

You shake your head. You always thought that such action would be for couples, always opting to link arms instead with your peers. His hands are then facing up, asking for your hands in his. You hesitate but slowly, you let your guard down, you let your hand rest on top of his. “Holding hands..” He trails off slowly as his hand slowly slips into yours. He doesn’t let your hands come into your line of sight.  The insecurity of seeing how your hand looks was already understood in the first mention. “Is intimate. A soft way of saying, ‘I care about you. I don’t want to lose you. I want you by my side. Be with me in this situation.’  A reassurance. A sign of support. A sign of hope.” As he lists these various reasons, his hand would eventually shift around your hand, holding your hand in his in different ways. In one moment, his hand held yours tenderly, then his fingers interlaced with yours, then he’s linking his pinky with yours. He goes on to give your hand a gentle squeeze. 

“If you’re worried about how someone will think of kissing these lips of yours.” he adds, making you look at him with a gentle nudge of his free hand. “You really shouldn’t worry about it.” He explains with a light chuckle. “The first kiss is rarely an ideal kiss.” Well, he had a point. “The succeeding kisses? They’re still an act of love. Though more intimate, I should say as compared to holding hands.” His eyes flit to your lips for a moment. He does understand your insecurities. He’s been there too; could barely look at his own face on any reflective surface. He didn’t see himself as someone visually appealing. It takes time and he knows that. “Will you let me help you? Help you through these habits and insecurities?” he asks, pulling back from you but still not letting go of your hand. You look at him, feeling oddly naked and vulnerable under his gaze but you nod. A glimmer of his usual bright self peeks through afterwards. 

Without being able to see your hand in his, you bore your watery eyes onto the folds of his shirt. You couldn’t get yourself to look at his eyes, at his face, right now you felt so vulnerable, so naked and only because he had pressed kisses and held your hand. You didn’t see how he smiles warmly at you. 

The next few days were calmer. Your skin is still healing from the picking you’ve done before that talk. It was the days after that proved to be a challenge. You were so focused with your readings that you don’t realize your fingers moving against your skin, trying to remove the uneven bumps that form as it heals. Seonghwa notices though so he brings a book with him and sits next to you. He even brought you a bottle of water with your favorite cake. The movement causes you to stutter in your mindless movement, bringing you momentarily out of your focus. Your eyes sparkle at the snack near you but you manage to focus on your work again with no problem. Seonghwa continues to look as if he was reading, thoroughly interested in what Thomas More thought of what a Utopian society could be. Without missing a beat, his hand slips into the hand that picks and fidgets. He pretends to not notice you looking at him with pink cheeks as he continues to read, pretending as if the book piqued his interest. His fingers intertwined with yours stops you from picking your skin and you reach for the bottle of water that he had already uncapped. It was only then that you realized how much you needed water. The beverage provides cool relief to your body and your lips. 

You don’t notice how your lips have healed from the water he reminds you to drink, from the lip balms he suggests you try, but he does. He sees the improvement, one step at a time. 

As thanks, you squeeze his hand gently. A silent thank you. 

He squeezes your hand in return. A silent reassurance and a silent declaration of his love for you.

[violetwolfraven]

Ghost Guitar Battle (2/3)

((Part 2 of I have no impulse control and squirreled on this random idea, ignoring those asks in my inbox. Don’t @ me this concept is fuckin awesome if only to me.))

Part 1 here.

Part 3 here.

Warnings: mentions of mind control.

...

12 days ago

“You what?”

Julie was pretty sure she was hallucinating, because this was something she had honestly never expected to happen.

Sure, there were days when she missed this certain ex-friend, but she’d never expected her to actually let go of her ego long enough for something like this to happen.

Carrie sighed before repeating herself, “I need your help.”

“Oh, we heard you,” Flynn said, “We’re just trying to think of reasons why we would ever help you with anything.”

“This doesn’t concern you, Flynn.”

“It concerns Julie, so it concerns me. Why would either of us ever help you with anything?”

“Because I’m not asking for myself,” Carrie snapped, “It’s about Nick.”

...what?

Nick and Carrie had broken up weeks ago. Why would she be asking for help involving him?

“What’s up with Nick?” Julie asked.

Simultaneously, Flynn laughed out, “We’re not helping you get him back.”

“It’s not about getting him back,” she insisted, “He’s acting weird. Like, really weird. And no matter what’s gone down between us recently, I’m worried about him.”

“Have you tried talking to him about this?” Julie asked, honestly unsure what was going on.

“No, because...” Carrie made a frustrated huff, “Because have you been paying attention to him at all recently? It’s like he’s a completely different person.”

By the look Flynn was getting in her eyes, it was starting to dawn on her that Carrie was being serious about this.

Julie, for one, still wasn’t sure what to think. Truthfully, she hadn’t been paying much attention to Nick lately. She’d been pretty preoccupied with the band, with the guys now able to give hugs and stuff and be seen whenever directly touching her. Plus, there was the new weirdness of figuring out if she and Luke wanted to try out some form of dating. Honestly, that uncertainty was creeping into their songwriting, which they’d still been doing a lot of.

In short, she’d been pretty busy.

Nick had been hovering around but barely starting a real conversation lately, which was weird now that she was thinking about it, but... was that just awkwardness left over from when Julie rejected him?

“How do you mean?” she asked cautiously.

“Well for one thing, he’s actually talking to me,” Carrie explained, “Which he really hasn’t done since the breakup at all. And for another, all he does is ask about you.”

Flynn rolled her eyes, “This is weird how?”

Carrie glared at her, “It’s weird because mostly, he keeps asking if I’m mad about Julie and the Phantoms upstaging Dirty Candi. Bringing up the fact that it happened twice, as if I’m supposed to hold some kind of major grudge.”

“Okay, that’s weird,” Julie admitted.

“You don’t know the half of it. As if that’s not suspicious enough, he asked if I found your band members suspicious. Like, sure, I knew you’d only hurt him cause you’ve got a crush on your guitarist, but—“

“What?!”

“Oh honey, it’s obvious,” Flynn admitted.

Julie really, really hoped it wasn’t and Flynn and Carrie just knew because they’d known her for a long time.

“Whatever,” Carrie said strategically, “Getting back on topic, what really tipped me off is... he asked about my dad. He asked how much I knew about his past, about bands he was in before he made it big, or whatever.”

Okay, that was a big red flag, Julie had to admit. Rule #1 of being friends with Carrie had always been to make sure she knew you weren’t in it because of her dad’s fame. Bringing up Trevor at all as anything other than a dad was off limits, and would have been even more so to Nick.

If he was acting that off, Julie felt a bit guilty for not noticing.

“Look, I don’t know what’s up with him,” Carrie admitted, “But I know something is. Besides just what he’s been talking about with me, he’s been playing jazz in music class. He carries himself differently when he walks. And if nothing else, have you both seriously not noticed how much not like himself he’s been dressing the last couple days? Nick doesn’t wear that many dark colors except for dance performances.”

Wait... there was something familiar in that description.

Reggie had done a good enough impression, according to the others, that Julie and Flynn had a good idea of the style of a certain dark color-wearing, jazz-loving ghost.

A ghost with magical powers they didn’t really know the limits of.

Flynn was clearly thinking the same thing, so there was only one last decision to make.

Unfortunately, Flynn would probably hate Julie’s call on this one, but Carrie had brought this to their attention in the first place and probably deserved to be kept in the loop.

“Are you free to meet at my house after school?”

Carrie nodded, but looked kind of surprised.

Flynn also looked surprised. And mildly horrified. Julie ignored that.

“Good. And fair warning, you’ll need to get real cool with some weird stuff real quick.”

...

Now...

“So you haven’t heard from your boyfriend at all?” Carrie asked, frowning.

Alex was pacing, which meant Julie had to pace with him so that Carlos, Carrie, and Flynn could keep seeing and hearing him.

Maybe that was for the best. She was pretty anxious, too.

“Well, Willie’s not exactly my boyfriend,” Alex mumbled, “We haven’t labeled anything. And plus, he’s risking everything every time he even sees me. That’s not—“

“Alex,” Luke said pointedly, despite the fact that half the room couldn’t hear him, “Get to the point.”

“Right. No. No, I haven’t heard from him. He said Caleb was possessing Nick and he was going to try to help him and that was it. It’s been a day. I’m getting worried. This is the first time he’s really ever stood up to Caleb openly. Who knows what could happen to him because of it?”

“I’m sure he’s fine,” Flynn said.

She didn’t sound very certain, but she was glancing over at Carlos like she was worried this would scare him.

Julie wasn’t that worried. She knew her little brother was tough. And that he actively sought out creepy cryptid videos on YouTube.

“I mean, he’s already dead, right?” Carlos said with a shrug, “So it’s not like he can kill him again.”

Luke raised his hand, beckoning Julie over to come and grab him so the other lifers in the room could hear him.

“No, he can’t kill him, but he can hurt him.”

“Yeah, death’s not the worst thing that can happen to a person, shockingly,” Alex muttered, the worry clear in his voice.

“Wait, what does this mean for Nick?” Carrie asked, “If Caleb’s controlling him, does that make him, like, partially dead?”

That was... that was a good point.

It was just starting to fully register that Nick was really in danger.

God, he didn’t deserve that. He was in danger and it was all because he’d gotten closer with Julie.

“I don’t know,” Alex admitted, “Willie made it sound like Caleb was... shoving him down. Like, Nick’s fighting it, but he’s losing.”

“But he’ll be okay, right?” Julie asked, “Once we figure out how to get Caleb out?”

“Willie said he’s still alive in there, and he’s okay, for now. But... but the longer he stays out of control, the harder it’ll be to get Caleb out of his head.”

Despite all the differences between them, Julie could see the same anxiety she was feeling reflected in the look Flynn and Carrie exchanged.

It had already been two weeks.

All the supernatural stuff aside, that had to be a nightmare, to be out of control of your own mind and body.

“He must be so scared in there,” Julie muttered.

“Yeah,” Reggie agreed, coming over to put a hand on her shoulder so he’d be visible, “And we lost our inside man, so we don’t even know what’s going on in there now.”

Luke smacked him upside the head, “Dude, not helping.”

“Sorry.”

Carlos perked up suddenly, which was... alarming.

Julie knew that look. It was the look he got right before he was about to say something that in all likelihood would cause trouble.

“Do you think we should call Ryan and Chad?” Carrie asked quietly.

“Oh, how would that go?” Flynn shot back, “Just, ‘sorry, your son is under the control of an evil ghost and we don’t know how to get him out?’ That’s a great thing to tell a parent.”

“How long do you think it’s going to take them to notice something’s up on their own, Flynn? Sure, Lizzie needs more attention than Nick does, but he’s still their son and it’s only a matter of time. Heck, they probably know something’s weird already and just don’t know why.”

“They probably just think he’s going through his emo phase. Why make them panic when there’s nothing they can do, anyway?”

“Wait,” Carlos said slowly, “We don’t know what’s going on in there... but what if we did?”

Carrie rolled her eyes, “Yeah, but we don’t anymore.”

“Not in the Hollywood Ghost Club,” he clarified, “In Nick’s head.”

“I applaud your out of the box thinking,” Reggie said, “But we don’t really have a way to do that.”

“We don’t. You do.”

Julie slowly started to realize what he was suggesting.

“What happens if one of you tries to go in and possess Nick while Caleb’s already in there?”

“What happens if you can drive him out?” Flynn realized, “You’d be able to just let Nick go.”

“Theoretically,” Alex admitted.

“It’s worth a try,” Carrie said hopefully.

“It’s risky,” Julie corrected, “What happens if you can’t push Caleb out? Would you just be stuck in there, too?”

Luke shrugged, “There’s no way to know... I’ll do it.”

“Whoa, Luke—“

“Reggie, we’re already dead,” Luke said firmly, “Nick’s not. He got pulled into this because of us. It’s our responsibility to get him out of it.”

“But why you specifically?” he argued, “Why—“

“Because unlike you and Alex, Nick and I have something in common.”

Julie wasn’t sure if he was talking about guitar or her.

Either way, he had a point. She didn’t like the idea of the risk, but she couldn’t see another option that possibly ended in getting everyone back.

“You said you resisted Caleb before,” she pointed out hesitantly, “Before our Orpheum performance. At least a little.”

“Yeah, exactly. Alex and Reggie, neither of you could do that. Going in to try to get Nick out, I’m the only one that stands a chance.”

They both clearly wanted to, and honestly, Julie did, too, but none of them argued.

“Willie said Nick had a chance if he ‘dug deep enough,’” Alex said quietly, “Something about needing to not hold anything back?”

Luke nodded, “I’ll tell him. And I’ll try to find out about Willie if I get the chance.”

They were all well aware how much risk this was taking, and even Carrie seemed hesitant to send Luke into it.

Still, Julie nodded as they made eye contact.

“Make sure you both come out of this.”

[cotncandyboifics]

1989 [High School AU]: Chapter 9

AO3 Link

Masterpost

Chapter 1 ~ Chapter 2 ~ Chapter 3 ~ Chapter 4 ~ Chapter 5 ~ Chapter 6 ~ Chapter 7 ~ Chapter 8 ~

Pairings: slight Logince, eventual Prinxiety & Logicality

Word count: 2,043

Story summary: Roman Prince is your stereotypical Jock, with everyone swooning after him. Every day a crowd of people follow him around, only to disperse at his personal whim. In reality, he's lucky to have such good acting skills that help him cover up the disdain he has for his life. He only wishes he could use his skills properly.

Patton Whitelock's always there to lend a helping hand, no matter who you are. If you need a favor or just need someone to talk to, go to him. In reality, he's been taught from a young age that kindness should be held above all else. No one suspects that he took it the wrong way.

Logan Montgomery is the smartest boy in the Senior class. He's stern, and most people are too intimidated to speak to him. In reality, he despises most all of his fellow students. He sticks to his studies and doesn't stray, for fear of being stuck in his father's shadow his whole life.

Virgil Black is the most emo kid in school, let alone 12th grade; everyone knows to leave him be. In reality, he's very fortunate. He has two parents who love him dearly. But everything beyond his life, everything within his mind, is utter chaos and turmoil.

what will happen when they're assigned a biology project together?

General CW: food, swearing, implied s-lf h-rm, non-graphic descriptions of s-lf h-rm scars, graphic and non-graphic descriptions of anxiety attacks and panic attacks, drug abuse, minor character intoxicated on heroin, non-graphic drug overdose description, sickness/description of sickness, blood, non-graphic descriptions of needles, (will be added to as I write more)

Chapter CW: swearing, food/meal mention, (let me know if i missed anything please!)

Author notes: the massive amounts of gay panic. this chapter was fun to write

...

Roman returned to find his room far less lively. The tall nerd and the short puffball have seemingly disappeared! Of course Roman knew they'd likely just gone home, but what fun is life without a little exciting drama?

The only one left was Virgil, who was curled in on himself on Roman's bed, a pillow in his lap and phone in his hands yet again. Roman sighed dramatically, sprawling out beside his darkly dressed counterpart.

"Is this what they meant when they said 'get a room?'" He commented after a long boring silence, waggling his eyebrows when Virgil looked at him with wide eyes.

"Oh shut up," Virgil looked away, slamming his pillow into Roman's face in a fit of deja-vu.

"Oh come on! Look up the word joke in the dictionary, Jack Smellington!" Roman said exasperatedly. Virgil shook out his luminescent hair, which was now out of his hood and proudly on display. Roman couldn't convince himself to look away.

"As much as I appreciate being compared to one of my favorite Disney characters, that was a bit- what?" Virgil looked at him confusedly, and that's what finally got Roman to look away.

"Nothing." He said shortly. He considered apologizing, but he figured that would make him look worse. Virgil just laughed lightly, not awkwardly. Mostly to himself about Roman's dorkiness. Roman felt his face heat up, and hated himself for it.

"Well, I should probably get home..." Virgil flopped back onto Roman's bed, stretching his arms out above his head. his shirt lifted slightly to follow, and Roman caught a glimpse of his navel, as well as some impressively sharp hip bones, and the very gentle start of a V-line. He forced himself to look away that time. Getting caught looking at someone's hair is one thing, but... but that, was something else entirely. Roman was already in dangerous waters, and he knew it.

"Ehem, well, I know you denied me last time," Roman began, flopping down beside Virgil and looking up at his pride flag, "but the offer of a ride is still up for grabs. Unless you'd rather be stuck on the bus at night for half an hour." Roman crossed his arms over his chest, and Virgil sat up to lean over him. He nearly opted to retort and deny the offer more snarkily than last time's failed attempt, but...

Roman's eyes. He'd never been close enough and calm enough simultaneously to really look at them; they were a deep melted milk chocolate brown, and held nearly imperceptible flecks of shining red. Virgil's eyebrows knit together, and he leaned closer to look into Roman's eyes more properly.

He didn't realize what he'd done until he'd started to reach down, almost putting his hand on Roman's cheek, and Roman made a small squealing noise to go with his completely tomatoed face. Virgil gasped slightly louder than he'd meant to and immediately recoiled.

"Shit, sorry, I just..." he considered shutting his ridiculous mouth and trying to move on, but he figured he couldn't leave that one without some kind of excuse. "I just haven't really looked at your eyes before. Not like, really, I mean. They're... nice. I like the little red bits." His voice grew much quieter as he spoke. He was facing away from Roman, and thank god, because if Roman could see his face he'd see peach-colored cheeks and a childish smile. And how very uncharacteristic of Virgil that would be.

"Thanks," Roman finally managed to huff. He stood slowly, trying to gather himself, and walked over to his desk, grabbing his car keys. He jangled them in his fingers, raising his eyebrows and silently asking Virgil if he'd take him up on the ride offer. Virgil, who had barely managed to discipline his face before Roman turned to him, just smiled very slightly and nodded.

Virgil grabbed his backpack, and Roman led the way from his room and out the front door to his ridiculous shiny-red mustang, which happened to have white racer stripes. Virgil thought this was pretty funny, but kept a sarcastic tease to himself for once in his life.

Virgil texted Roman his address from the passenger seat. While the bus ride to Virgil's house from Roman's was about 20-30 minutes, the car ride was less than 10. Roman considered putting on some music, but decided against it, considering what happened the last time they were alone with just music and each other. What the heckity heck is happening here?  When I imagine... love... this is what comes to mind. He cringed at himself, surprised and disgusted that he was admitting that. This doesn't feel the same as it does with Logan though... so then, maybe I truly love Logan, and Virgil just inexplicably makes my heart flutter? Of course, the only other possibility is so much worse-

Roman's thoughts were interrupted by Virgil shouting "RED LIGHT!!!" very suddenly, and Roman slammed the breaks.

"Jesus Princey, are you trying to kill me!? Is that why you were so hell-bent on driving me home??" Virgil's voice was mostly panic, but laced with some half-hearted sarcasm. He clearly had more panic and less sarcasm in it than he'd meant to. He was holding onto his seat and the door beside him for dear life, looking at Roman with wide eyes, his chest heaving comically. Roman was too dazed to laugh.

"Shit, I'm sorry," He looked up at the street light, which was in fact red. "I got lost in thought for a minute. I won't let it happen again while I'm responsible for you. My deepest apologies." Roman would have normally faux bowed and reached out for Virgil's hand to kiss his knuckles, but unfortunately Virgil was making him feel... well, bitterly jittery and not very glittery. Or maybe, too glittery. He didn't know anymore; all he knew is he had to leave his thoughts for when he got Virgil and then himself home safe.

"Lost in thought?" Virgil let that little comment slip sooner than he could corral himself, and almost brought his hand to cover his mouth, but far too late. Roman just looked at him anxiously, sighing.

"Yeah. I guess so." Roman wasn't normally this dismissive, and Virgil knew far better at this point than to press.

Before they were even on Virgil's street, he broke their awkward silence with an extremely unexpected "thanks for driving me home, Ro. You didn't have to, and I really appreciate it."

Roman was shaken to the core, partially by Virgil's sincerity and partially by the nickname. "Oh, uh, well, no need to thank me now. I nearly killed you once, and you aren't safe and sound at your destination just yet." He smiled softly over at the taller emo. Virgil just returned the smile.

A few moments later came a quiet "really though." Virgil's capacity for sincerity wasn't very extensive, and if anyone knew that it was Roman. He felt a blush creeping up his neck, and couldn't think of a good response.

Finally Roman turned onto Virgil's street, adhering to the 10 mph speed limit. He cruised to a stop in front of... what was apparently Virgil's house.

It wasn't what Roman was expecting at all. Not that his... notion, that Virgil's house looked something like Gru's house from Despicable Me, was something he thought was realistic. He just hadn't known how else to imagine it. Instead of anything close to dark and sinister, the outer walls were made of some gentle tan planks all stacked horizontally. There was a light turquoise front door with a rounded top, and to its left a large window covered most of the street-facing wall. In the window, Roman could see a round inviting table with a mother, a father and a young boy sharing dinner, all smiling and seemingly caught up in their nightly banter. They were all laughing and seemed so... happy. The house itself seemed to emanate a calm happiness.

"Is this...?" Roman gestured vaguely toward the house with the address Virgil had given him.

"Yep. There's my parents, and my brother. I guess I just missed the start of dinner." Virgil reached down between his ankles to grab his bag.

"Talk about clashing aesthetics." Roman smiled mischievously at Virgil, hoping to lighten the mood without sounding like a complete jerk, at least.

Virgil caught onto this, looking over and offering him a breathy laugh. "I know. It's almost a crime for me to live here."

Roman giggled, and they found themselves stuck looking into each other's eyes once again.

"W-well, I'd better-" Virgil turned and made to open his door, but something possessed Roman to lean over to Virgil and grab his shirt, accidentally pulling him far too close to his face. They both yelped simultaneously at the close proximity, and Virgil leapt back as far as his seat would allow him, grabbing it similarly to how he'd done when Roman had nearly driven through the red light earlier.

Virgil almost said something, but some noise outside stopped him. He turned to seek its source, giving Roman a view past him as well.

"Virgil, honey, is that you?" his mom called from the doorstep. She held Atticus on her hip, and Virgil's dad towered behind them in the doorway. all of them were waving. Virgil waved back deftly, and opened the car door. He turned to Roman once again, who looked as though someone had just stomped on his heart and twisted their foot viciously.

Virgil couldn't bring himself to smile at him, but offered instead something he hoped sounded kind. "See you in class tomorrow. And... thanks again for the ride."

With that, Virgil got out and shut the door behind him, and Roman watched as he reunited with his picture perfect family, unable to move for some god forsaken reason.

"Is that one of your friends from that biology project, Virgil? He's so cute!" Roman could hear Virgil's mom squeal at her approaching son.

"Mom, leave it be, will you? he's-" Virgil's voice was cut off as their front door was shut. Roman eventually managed to take a single deep breath.

He twisted in his seat to face forward again, gripping the steering wheel with whitening knuckles and staring blankly at the mustang logo in the wheel's center. What. Was. That.

...

Roman's ride home was fast. At least, it felt much faster than the ride to Virgil's house. He didn't come close to running any more red lights, and before he knew it he was twisting the keys out of the ignition and then stepping through his front door.

He couldn't shake the daze that was clouding all of his senses. He wasn't intercepted by either of his parents on his route from the front door to his bedroom, so there was nothing to distract him from his... distractedness. He flopped onto his bed, laying on his back the same way he'd done less than half an hour ago when Virgil had almost...

That's when the haziness suddenly sped up, and the fog in Roman's brain rapidly became a hurricane. He was so confused by his own feelings that he had to squeeze his eyes shut to will away a sob. He didn't know what he was doing anymore. He pushed the palms of his hands against his closed eyelids, trying to distract himself with the aching pain and sparkling stars they brought to his eyes.

Meanwhile, Virgil had eaten dinner, thankfully and willingly accepting the pleasant distraction of his family's company. His mom was an excellent cook, and Atticus was extra animated about the stories of his adventures at school that day. He and his best friend had apparently played by the creek during recess, and found a tadpole to poke and prod. Virgil found his brother very endearing when he told his stories.

However, as all things are, his distraction was only temporary. Soon he found himself having finished the washing up after dinner and slowly trudging his way up the stairs to his room. The moment he shut his door behind him, all of the feelings that had been kept down since he'd gotten out of Roman's car crashed into him like a 20 foot wave. He leaned back against the shut door, sinking down to sit on the floor and hold his knees.

Roman and Virgil, clueless of each other, had the exact same thought at the exact same time.

Fuck. Why do I feel this way?

[swearwolf-writes]

Sunset Curve not Sunset Straight (pt. 7)

It’s still dark. Alex is still crying and the boys are about to lose their minds. They would speak up every now and again, trying to remind them that they were still together despite everything.

Then there it was. Their song. The music fills their ears, deafening them. They stand up only to find the floor no longer under their feet. And then they were falling, flashes of light blinding them after so long in darkness, their screams drowning out the song.

They hit the ground heavily, grunts of pain escaping them as Reggie groans loudly, Luke gasping for breath as Alex pulls his cap back on. They stand and turn, looking around in surprise at their old studio. “Whoa! How did we get back here?” Luke pants only to be cut off by loud screaming. They turn and see a girl- a screaming girl-?! How in hell is there someone there- They scream in response, jumping in surprise at seeing another person in God only knows how long. She continues screaming as she runs away, the boys still holding each other.

“What the heck-” Reggie exhales deeply, studying the room intensely but wishing he was at the pier and that this was all one long nightmare. One moment he was here then he’s there - Santa Monica Pier.

----------

Luke and Alex look around, wondering where the hell Reggie went. “Reggie!” They shout and grumble, wondering how on Earth he disappeared, wishing to hell they were with him. And then they were. They gaped at the bright lights, shivering as people walked through them.

“Dude,” Alex stares at the swarm of people, holding onto Luke and Reggie, “we’re ghosts.” “What happened to the pier-?” Luke walks across the boardwalk slowly, taking in his surroundings in confusion. “We need to get back, to that girl who can see us. Maybe she knows what’s happening.”

They close their eyes and poof back into the garage, finding the curly haired girl with her backs to them. “.... saw something. I’m not crazy.”, she says to herself, lowering her cross to her side. “Well, we’re all a little crazy.” Luke responds playfully making the girl turn around in surprise, screaming again and pointing her cross at them. The boys jump and raise their hands defensively. “Oh my God! Please stop screaming!” Alex yells back, a hand over his ear. She quickly closes her mouth, the cross still aimed at them.

Once the screaming ceased, they tried to explain their situation to her, about how they were just ghosts who were very glad to be home. Reggie was very happy at being called a cute ghost and they were all so confused about having been dead for an apparent 25 years. Then finding out they could still play? Even though no one could see them, it was pretty amazing knowing that people could still hear their music and see them when they performed with the girl with the curly hair. Julie Molina.

She was special. She couldn’t see all ghosts but she could see them and because of her, people could see them. She saved them from so much, from themselves and from Caleb Covington. She saved them somehow, helped them play the Orpheum. They don’t know how they survived Caleb’s stamp or why they didn’t move on but they were so glad to still be with her.

Alex has Willie and Luke has Julie. And Reggie? Reggie…. has himself?

It’s 2020 and things couldn’t get any better. Or worse. Reggie can’t really tell some days. Thankfully, it’s currently the former.

Reggie has once again stolen Carlos’ laptop, researching Pride after hearing about it from Flynn. His eyes widen as he scrolls through page after page. He beams and runs into the studio, taking the laptop with him and completely forgetting that if Ray walks by, he’ll see the floating laptop. Oh well.

“Luke! Luke, Luke Luke! Check this out!” He plonks himself next to Luke, flushing when he leans in close to see the screen properly. “It’s, uh- it’s a load of stuff about Pride and like, there’s a bunch of names and stuff for different people and I, uh, I think I figured it out. Me, I mean. I think I figured me out.” He avoids Luke’s proud look as he flushes and scrolls down the page. “I think that’s me. ‘Bi is an umbrella term used to describe a romantic and/or sexual orientation towards more than one gender.’ Fun fact: my parents refused to let me know that bisexuality was a thing so this,” he points excitedly at the screen, “is awesome.” Luke shoots up and takes the laptop from Reggie, ignoring his offended ‘hey-!’. “Wait, there are names for this stuff-?” “Well, yeah, what did you think I came to tell you?” “That you finally admit you like guys.” He grins, staring at the screen intently as he reads through the definitions. “Everyone has a name, there’s one for everything.” “Wait, did you not know-?” Luke looks up at Reggie, flabbergasted. “Wait, you did-?” He looks offended, pouting slightly as he continues reading. “My parents didn’t want me knowing so I obviously had to know what it was. I just didn’t know I was it.” He slouches, watching how Luke’s eyes sparkle at this new world. “I mean, I knew people were cooler with all this stuff but like it’s a whole thing! We have names and flags and- holy shit, this is wicked!”

“Language.” Julie sits at the piano, reading through some songs she and Luke were working on. “Sorry-” The boy grins sheepishly, Julie and Reggie chuckling at how cute he was. “But this is awesome. I like this one, look: ‘pan refers to a person whose romantic and/or sexual attraction to others is not limited by sex or gender’. I think that’s me.” He glances back at Reggie, smiling widely as Julie shakes her head fondly at them. “Hey, check this out.” Reggie rests his chin on Luke’s shoulder, looking at the screen and ignoring his burning cheeks. “‘Polyamory refers to the practise of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the informed consent of all parties involved’. There’s a name for that-?” He stares, entranced.

“Is that a thing? With you, I mean?” Julie sets the song book down, watching the boys intently. “When I was 16, I had a crush on this girl-” “Oh, Marlene-!” Reggie laughs quietly as he remembers his friend’s pining. “-and I used to think that we would be cute together but I thought that she and Doug-” “Her boyfriend at the time.” Reggie adds helpfully, winking at Julie’s amused smile. “-that they looked cute together. And I was just like ‘are you supposed to think you’d look cute with your crush and her boyfriend’ and then a year later, I realised I had a crush on Marlene and Doug so….” He trails off, blushing at the pair’s smitten looks. “What?” “You’re just…. cute when you’re excited.” “This makes sense to be excited about! There’s names - names that anyone can find just by searching it - that’s awesome!” He’s practically bouncing as Alex and Willie poof into the room.

“Hey.” Alex looks at Luke, raising an eyebrow. “He looks like that time he had 6 packets of Fun Dip-” “He’s got Pride fever.” Julie explains, grinning. “He joined the pan squad.” Luke squints at her, tilting his head. “I joined a squad-?” “I’m pan too.” She continues, jumping at the boys overlapping questions about why she didn’t tell them. “I thought I mentioned it?” “Yeah, no -  I would’ve remembered that.” Luke shakes his head in confusion. “I told Willie.” “Before your own bandmates-?” Reggie seems almost offended. “You can’t even see Willie.” Luke points out, his arms crossed. “Pen and paper.”

Alex turns to Willie. “How come you didn’t tell me?” “I was supposed to out your friend?” “Okay, fair enough. In which case, thank you for not telling me.” Willie chuckles at his strange not-boyfriend-but-more-than-a-friend. “You are the weirdest ghosts I’ve ever met.” “That’s fair.” Reggie nods, poofing into the corner when Carlos storms into the studio.

“Stop stealing my computer, man.” He whines, taking the device from Luke who gapes, whining when he turns the tabs off. “They’re your ghosts, they can steal your laptop.” He points at Julie, the young girl nodding seriously as she fights off a smile. “See ya later- or not- boy band.”, he calls, leaving as Julie and her phantoms burst into laughter.

[fvcklila]

More Than A Woman (Intro)

More Than A Woman - After surviving the events of Endgame, Tony Stark has become a recluse. Spending day after day in his workshop without letting anyone in, he finds not only a new way to cope with his PTSD, but something he hadn’t had in so long; a friend. What happens when this new friend develops thoughts and feelings of her own, especially toward a certain super soldier?

A/N: I was listening to More Than A Woman by the singer Aaliyah when this idea came to mind. It’s something that’s lingered in my head for at least a year and now that I’ve got hella free time, I’m ready to give it a go! I hope you guys like the intro! - D. (Sorry it’s so short! Also had to reupload on my phone cause Tumblr flagged it for some reason.)

Pairing - Bucky Barnes x Android!Reader (Fem!Reader)

Warnings: Angst/Mentions of PTSD & Depression/Artificial Humans/ Fluffy ending. (It’ll get smuttier & fluffier at some point lol)

If there was one thing Anthony Edward Stark was good at, it was bad ideas. And it was this bad idea that had been spawned from something oh, so human.

Loneliness.

Ever since the events of that day, Tony had spent his days locked away in his workshop on his own. Tinkering away at anything that took his mind of the constant pain that shot throughout the right side of his body whenever he lifted a single finger. And god, it didn’t look any better. He tried to ignore the constant looks he got whenever he did manage to make himself go outside on the rare occasion.

But this was his way of coping with things and damn it, it helped. Sure, it may not have been a healthy thing. Locking yourself away for weeks at a time and refusing to speak to anyone was a giant red flag for unhealthy tendencies and was certainly not normal at all. But then again, was anything really normal about Tony’s life? His wife, Pepper, was the smartest woman he knew and was far too busy helping repair the world after the snap. His daughter, Morgan, was growing up herself and had Happy to watch over her at the time being. And fuck, did Tony needed this break.

He needed to do something. To build something. Something that showed that no, he wasn’t completely broken and incapable now. He wasn’t just mangled and fucked up for nothing. He could still do something. Anything.

That’s when it came to him.

What if he didn’t have to be alone?

Sure, he had Pepper and Morgan. He had Happy and the team, but given his circumstances, he couldn’t stand them seeing him like this. More importantly, he couldn’t stand the pity he’d get. That’s why he needed someone to vent to. Someone who wouldn’t judge him or see him as a weak old man trying to keep up with the big dogs. No, he needed someone different.

Sitting up in his chair, Tony hastily grabbed the crumpled notepad that had been sitting by his desk for weeks, along with the half-broken pencil and began at his best attempt to sketch a human body.

He started out with a head. dragging his pencil along the paper, outlining the shape of it. He created ears, eyes, lips and a nose. Then came the body parts. Arms, legs and feet. Toes, fingers and nails. All that jazz. Until finally, he had the perfect outline of the person who’d unknowingly would save him from his self isolating turmoil.

Seventy-Two hours.

Seventy-Two hours was how long it took, but judging from how detailed everything looked, Tony would say it was worth it. Every single eyelash to every single fingernail looked so…real. One would think that an actual human being was laying on the table before them if they saw you. It was at this moment that Tony had felt somethings he hadn’t felt in so long.

Excitement.

Happiness.

Ambition.

All the things that made him who he was before and in just a few seconds, his new creation, a new chapter in his life would be opened. As if he were touching the gentlest material in the world, Tony placed his fingers on the android’s chin and tilted its head to the side, revealing a small USB-like port behind its right ear. He reached into the back pocket of his jeans, revealing a tiny microchip – or as he liked to call it, your brain.

His hands trembled with excitement as he slid the tiny metal square into the robot’s head and practically jolted backwards with excitement. And like clockwork, he heard the familiar sounds of a machine turning on, the mechanical properties humming with the sounds of life.

The second you opened your eyes, the first thing you saw was white. You couldn’t register a thing, only the sight of brightness clouding your vision. What it was, you had no idea. Who it was, you had no clue. But within seconds, the bright light faded into something that made your head spin. You blinked rapidly as your eyes took in your surroundings.

The giant fluorescent lights beaming down on you made you wince and for the first time, you felt pain. Even if it was dull, it still felt like something and that’s what made your eyes nearly shoot out of your head with how wide they opened.

Your first breaths were rapid, taking in large quantities of air and expelling it even faster as you experienced your first anxiety attack. Where were you? What was this place? But most importantly – what were you?

Glancing down at your hands, you moved your fingers for the first time in sync with each other, eyes big with disbelief. Moving your gaze downward, you noticed two legs and two feet resting against the large operating table.

“I take it this must all be a bit of a shock to you, hehe.”

The sound of a deep, yet calm voice caused you to nearly jump out of your artificial skin. Sitting upwards in a flash, you opened your trembling mouth as you fought to process what in the world was happening. There you were, cold and afraid and with a strange…thing that looked as though it had the same mechanics, beaming down at you like you were something edible.

“You probably have no idea what the hell is going on,” He acknowledged. “Do you?”

It took quite a bit for you to muster up the courage for you to shake your head and when you did, he let out a nervous laugh. One that you found yourself letting out, too. Surprisingly.

“It’s a defense mechanism, kiddo. Don’t worry, I coded it for you to help you out.” He informed you as he grabbed what looked like to you, was a giant light-up rectangle, before tapping away at it in a haste.

Setting it back down with a small clank, you watched as he grabbed some kind of object with wheels and scooted himself closer toward you, which instantly made you scoot further from him on the table. Noticing this, his smile faded and was replaced with a concerned frown.

“Look, kid. I’m not gonna hurt you.” He reasoned, holding out his hand. “I’m a friend.”

“F-Friend?” You stammered, furrowing your brows. Confusion wasn’t a good experience for you, Tony figured that, so he did what he did best. He improvised. Peering around the room, looking for something that could help him and calculating the reaction you’d have in his mind, he finally broke out into a grin when he spotted the little silver baggie on the desk in front of him.

Picking it up, he slowly and carefully, held it out to you. “Blueberry?”

“What the heck is a blueberry?” You felt yourself blurt out before clamping your mouth shut with your hand. The laugh that echoed the room was something you didn’t expect from the strange man sitting in front of you and for the first time, you felt a new emotion: ease.

“It’s a fruit.” He chuckled, taking one out and holding it in front of you. “Check it out, not only is it nutritious, it’s also delicious.”

You don’t know how or what you were doing when you felt your cheeks move upward and your teeth become exposed to the chilling air in the room, but unlike the first emotion – which horrified you – this one was pleasant. You didn’t mind it one bit.

“There we go! That’s what I like to see.” The man smiled at you pridefully.

“What…was that?” You asked, the smile seemingly glued to your face.

“It’s called a smile, sweet cheeks. Get used to it.” He informed you before scooting closer. “Now, how about we get you a name?”

You paused, staring at him and expecting him to explain what a name was and why you needed one. “It’s what I’ll be referring you as, for now.” Taking the hint, he placed his hand onto his chin, stroking his beard playfully as he stared at you as though you were some kind of painting that needed to be seen from a certain angle to understand.

“Sharon?” He offered.

You winced, shaking your head.

“Lucy?”

You raised an eyebrow. He let out a snort and shook his head.

“What about…. Y/N?”

You paused, this time, you felt something different inside of you. From deep within a place you couldn’t pinpoint. Feeling your cheeks move upward again and your eyes twinkle, you knew whatever this feeling you get when you were called this, it was more than just a pleasant feeling. It felt good.

“I like that name.” You admitted, repeating it under your breath once again and smiling even bigger. “It’s beautiful.”

“And it fits you, too. Way better than Sharon.” He admitted with a dopey smile, one that made you experience laughter for the first time. You decided that that was your favorite one. Laughter.

“Well, Y/N,” He spoke softly, holding out his hand to you, which you reluctantly took, standing from the table. “My name is Tony.”

You finally had a name for this strange man that brought you to life so suddenly and it felt good knowing that you weren’t the only one with a name. You had begun to build a list of questions, ones that you knew you’d need answered. What was this stretchy stuff covering your skeleton? What was the wet slimy thing in your mouth that moved when you spoke?

You wanted to know everything.

“Welcome to life, kiddo.” He turned, showing you his giant room filled with all sorts of trinkets, objects far too advanced for your knowledge at that point, but fascinated you nevertheless. “It’s gonna be a wild ride.”

For the first time, you weren’t the only one that experienced this emotion: Hope.

[valkyriesryde]

I Trust You

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: Steve doesn’t trust many people. Lest of all you. At least that’s the message you’ve gotten from him, it might not be the message he’s trying to give you.

Warnings: NSFW CONTENT 18+ ONLY PLZ, swearing (Let Steve Rogers Swear 2020), slight nod to some violence and a little bit of angst if you squint but mainly fluff

Word Count: 4000ish

A/N: Yo so I don’t like writing smut but I TRIED it’s not overly graphic if at all and it’s not been beta read but FUCK IT shout out to @flowerymoonlight​ @cleocc​ and @captain-kelli​ for telling to fix the drabble lmao the first part in italics is the drabble I did a wee while ago, this is a continuation from what happens next.

Masterlist

~~~

Steve doesn’t trust easily. It could be argued he only trusts a total of five people fully, Bucky, Sam, Natasha, Wanda, and Tony (and even that can be argued against). Not even Fury makes the list. Everyone knows who his go to’s are as well. It’s not some top-secret thing that nobody knows. Everybody knows if Steve doesn’t trust someone. Heck, everyone knows when he just doesn’t like someone. 

You’re not quite sure where you stand, surely somewhere in the middle. Sometimes he acts like you’re on team alpha. Other times he acts like nothing he does concerns you. He doesn’t take your suggestions or opinions in meetings unless one of his top five agrees with you. You’re pretty sure he just thinks you’re a child in way over your head at this point.

Until you’re stuck together. On a mission. In a very creepy forest. In the dead of night. With no comms or cell service. 

He doesn’t say it’s your fault but you’re positive he’s thinking it. Steve hasn’t said anything for a good half hour as you’re trudging through the leaves and mud watching the stars to keep track of your location. 

“You’re going the wrong way,” your voice is quiet and you don’t really want to tell him off but he’s going in literally the opposite direction of where you should be going. He spins around and looks at you as if he’s about to tell you off as you just point halfheartedly in the right direction. “You’re going northeast...we need to be going southwest.”

“How do you know that?” He still doesn’t move and he’s trying to get the GPS working but that thing broke about two hours ago when a flipping BULLET hit it. Of course, once again, he doesn’t trust you. 

“Stars provide you with more than just something pretty to look at,” you’re looking up at the sky again, double-checking that you’re right...that’d be awkward, but you are.

“How do you-”

“Because I fucking do goddammit Steve,” you start walking in the right direction and Steve follows a few steps behind. “I grew up around sailors, I was fascinated with astronomy and stars when I was a kid. It was how they supported that interest, the thing we had in common. Want me to prove it to you? I doubt my word is enough for you to trust me.” Your words hurt him, it was obvious you were getting out the frustration that had been building up for some time and Steve had never noticed. How could he have never noticed?

“I trust you,” he mumbles it out behind you but you’re too many steps ahead of him now to hear. Steve reaches out and pulls you to a stop by your arm, you face him waiting to know what’s so important because ten minutes ago it was vitally important you got to the safe house before midnight and now you’ve stopped? “I trust you.”

“No, you don’t, not fully. It’s okay I understand, not many people have shown you that you can trust them and so many of the ones who did have broken the trust you gave them.” You shrug your shoulders and Steve’s grip on your wrist tightens as he swallows. 

“I’m sorry if I made it seem that I don’t. I didn’t mean to, I just - I trust you, of co-”

“Don’t Steve, let’s just get to the safe house.” You turn away and yank your arm from his grip. The rest of the trip Steve follows closely behind you as you guide him to safety. He realizes in his attempt to not show his favour towards you he’d done the complete opposite. Now you don’t trust him.

~~~

"How long did Tony say they'd be?" Your jacket was slung over the couch as you sat down and curled up on the end of it. Steve sat at the other end, finally able to use his phone to call for an extraction.

"Nat is on her way. Two hours he said." He mumbled out as he twirled the phone in his fingers.

You nodded and hummed before turning to your phone. Great. Two hours in awkward silence with Steve awesomeeeeeee. 

An hour in and you've moved around had food and are both settled back on the couch. Steve's head is thrown back and his eyes closed. He's trying to figure out where he fucked up and he's locked it down to taking Sam's advice about playing hard to get and that time he froze up and walked away when you suggested a night out three weeks ago. 

His eyes open at the sound of tires pulling up to the cabin and he looks at you with your eyes staring at the door already. 

"Tony said two hours right?" You both move slowly from the couch and gather your things, weapons back in their holders, jackets back on.

"He did."

"So who's that?" 

"I'm gonna take a wild guess and say they're not welcome guests." Steve holds the shield in front of him and pushes you towards the stairs. "Two points of entrance right?" You nod. "Go up the stairs." He stands at the base of the stairs with you halfway up.

"You're coming with me right?" You ask but Steve doesn't move from his spot.

"I'll be there in a second."

"Steve get up the stairs." You pull at the straps of his suit and he reluctantly allows you until the front door bursts open and shots are being fired in your direction.

Steve holds his shield up to protect both of you as you run further the stairs, down the hall and into the bedroom.

"How'd they find us?" 

"I think that's a question for later. Right now we need to get out of here," he peers around the corner as you're both pressed against the wall and see someone climbing up the side of the building through a window. "These guys don't quit."

"I might have a plan…" you pull the gun from his holster and Steve's eyes widen. Rolling across the floor you crouch below a window and look towards the man climbing, "when I move you jump out that window into the tree okay?" 

"And what are you going to do?" He looks towards the open window across from him and back to you. 

"Ready?"

"No!" But he's too late and you jump up and shoot down the assailant climbing up the side of the building. Steve moves as quickly as you do and leaps out the window and into the adjacent tree. 

You follow as soon as you can, leaping through the air you almost miss the branch but Steve reaches out and catches your arm and pulls you up. "You good?" 

"Fine. Thank you.” 

“We need to keep moving." You looked at Steve who looked out in the opposite direction of the cabin, he stood from his perch, peered down and then back to you before you grabbed his arm.

“We have to stay in the trees…”

“The trees? You want to jump between the trees?”

“...yes”

~~~

“I’m genuinely curious how you knew hiding in the trees would work…” Steve was hesitant in his query but he had to know. He never knew you had such survival skills he wanted to know where they came from. 

The two of you had moved up the mountain as according to Steve “Nat will always go high.” 

“Are you saying she always has the high ground?” you replied with a smirk and he groaned at your Star Wars reference. By now you had lost the assholes that were following you but still sat perched in the trees, just in case...and also so Natasha could see you.

“Have you read The Hunger Games yet?”

“I watched the movie a couple months ago actually,” he gave you a small smile as you twirled your fingers through the leaves. God, you were so cute. 

“Most kids got really into archery when it came out,”

“But not you?” he interrupted. You shook your head and clicked your tongue at him.

“Do you remember the character Rue? She hid in the trees to survive. I don’t know why but I got really into survival techniques after reading the books.”

“Even the painting yourself one,” Steve laughed slightly until he saw your smile drop a little at his laughter. She’s not fond of you he reminded himself. 

“Yupp, it won me capture the flag in the academy,” you told him, quite proud of yourself for that one. The humming of the jet passes over you as it covers the sun for a moment and moves past the pair of you. 

“That’ll be Nat,” Steve says before jumping down like you’re not 10ft up. “You coming?” He looks up at you but you’re shaking your head, there’s no way you’re jumping. You’re not going to break a leg after getting this far. You’d much rather climb. “Darling you better hurry, it’s much easier to jump.”

“I will NOT be jumping thank you very much, Steve.” Steve shakes his head, he lets out a chuckle and watches you try and climb further but your foot is beginning to slip. 

“I’ll catch you!” 

“I’m sorry? You’ll catch me?!” 

“Yea,” he’s beaming now because good god you’re so CUTE. His arms are held out for you, he’ll catch you. “I promise.”

You hold onto to trunk for dear life and take three deep breaths before nodding your head “alright okay! You promise?”

“I promise! Trust me,” trust me. She really does not trust him. Was he really that cruel to her?

You nod again and jump from the tree into Steve’s arms. He catches you with grace and lowers you so your feet touch the ground, his arms still holding you tight. “I told you I’d catch you.” 

His breath was hot on your face. You looked up at him, your mouth agape and he licked his lips.

“You did,” you nod and your eyes watch his lips open and close. Steve took a gulp, he’d never been this close to you before. Sure he’d dreamt about it, not exactly in this scenario, his dreams usually took place indoors and with much fewer layers, oh no, now he was blushing. “We should maybe go and find Natasha?” Your hands on his chest and as much as you like being in his arms you had to leave quick to get to the jet on time. Steve nods his head but makes no point to loosen his arms from around your waist. 

“Wouldn’t want to keep her waiting,” he whispers, his fingers spread across your back as you shake your head back at him. “Can I ask you something?” 

“Mhmm?” He gulps again, his hands slowly move up your back and you feel his fingers dig into your shoulder blades slightly. All Steve can hear is his heart in his ears, he’s not totally sure what he wants to ask you. Do you trust me yet? Do you know I love you? Can I kiss you? 

“Steve? Y/N? You there?” Natasha’s voice rang out through the comms in your ears and the two of you jumped away from each other. 

“Send your location Romanoff. We’re not far away,” he replied avoiding your eye and taking off towards the jet with you hot on his tail. 

~~~

“So a good trip then?” Natasha pursed her lips and wiggled her eyebrows at Steve. She’d kept quiet the whole way, kept an eye on the awkward glances between you. You jump out of your seat and try to get out of the jet as soon as it lands as Steve takes as much time as possible. 

“You’re all shit at advice you know that?” he says slinging his bag over his shoulder and walking through the garage with her.

“What? You didn’t fuck? Damn I had money on that,” Natasha continues to tease him relentlessly, Bucky joins in as soon as he can, as well as Sam and Clint.

“Did you stare longingly into her eyes?”

“Tell her how much you love her?”

“Definitely why you asked Tony to give ya two hours, you little punk! You just wanted to sleep with her.”

“WOULD YOU ALL SHUT UP! I HAVE HAD A LONG FUCKING DAY AND I DON’T NEED YOU ALL UP MY ASS RIGHT NOW!” Steve storms off down the hall leaving the group open mouthed with Bucky running after him. 

“Hey come on Steve what the hell happened? You know we’re just teasing,” Bucky leans against the wall as Steve paces across the hall. 

“Look a lot happened but the main thing is YOU’RE ALL WRONG!” Steve’s hands are dragged through his hair which is in shambles now. 

“Wrong about what?” Bucky catches movement at the end of the hall but Steve is too busy pacing to realise anyone else is around, he’s too caught up in what you’d said.

“She doesn’t like me like that okay?! She doesn’t even trust me! I’m pretty sure she thinks I hate her for god’s sake! THIS IS ALL YOU AND SAM’S FAULT!” Steve yells at Bucky and leans his head on the wall. “I thought I was doing the right thing, I thought by not giving her attention it wouldn’t make it obvious!”

“Make what obvious?” Bucky asks, staring directly at the end of the hall where you stand ready to speak but his finger over his lips shush you. 

“What do you make what obvious?” Steve throws up his arms and he steps back from the wall. “That I have the biggest fucking crush on Y/N?! That I’m practically in love with her? God, I’ve been such an idiot pretending not to pay attention to her so she doesn’t see that ALL I WANT TO DO IS PAY ATTENTION TO HER!” Bucky claps his hands together and starts walking back away from Steve sending him a finger gun.

“Glad you finally said that out loud man. Proud of you. Finally told her how you feel,” he rushes out before running out before Steve can register what he’s said. 

“Finally what?!” Steve’s head whips around but there’s no one to be seen. He smacks his forehead and makes a beeline for your room to explain. “I swear I’ll kill him” he mumbles knocking on the door. 

“Steve?” the door opens slowly but wide as you invite him in and he stands awkwardly in the middle of the room. 

“Um...uh I just wanted to see if you were..you know...okay after today’s mission?” He rubs the back of his neck while you close the door and lean against it. 

“I’m fine. You?”

“Yea yea I’m good,” he’s nodding his head, trying to be cool and calm while in his head he’s screaming. As calm as he thinks he looks his hair is still a mess, the straps of his suit undone and hanging off his chest and back. His eyes are wide, his pupils dilated. Is he having a panic attack? BE CALM.

“That’s good.” You swing your arms and walk towards him, straight to the point. Just ask him straight out. Just DO IT. I mean it’s not like you ever didn’t like him. It’s not like he’s not a hunk. It’s not like he’s not a caring, passionate and incredible man. It’s not like you haven’t pictured what it would be like to at least be his friend...or more. Now he’s in your room. He’s standing there looking nervous and you just want to hug him. “Was there anything else?”

Steve held his breath as you walked past him and sat at the end of your bed. He pushes his palms into his eyes and spins around, joining you on the bed. 

“It’s okay Steve, I think it kind of makes sense to me now,” you watch him in the corner of your eye. Steve shifts in his seat, his cheeks are tinted pink and he looks embarrassed and even more nervous than before.

“I really am sorry for how I’ve treated you.” 

“I know,” you pull your knee onto the bed and turn your body to face him. It brushes against his thigh as you give him a smirk. “It’s because you suck at talking to women you find attractive,” you say matter of factly. 

Steve chuckles and nods his head, “I can’t deny that.” You lean in further to him, he’s warm, he’s inviting.

“I won’t bite Steve...not unless you ask me to.” Testing the waters, see what his reaction is. Steve’s breath catches in his throat but quickly, he composes himself, is this a sign you feel something for him too? 

“I’m not opposed to biting,” he bites his bottom lip and looks at you, leaning in closer as well. “Kind of like the idea of you biting me,” he whispers and you feel his breath on your lips, your hand cups his jaw gently.

“Just say the word Cap,” your lips brush over his as you speak and his hand mirrors yours on your own jaw. His lips are soft when he presses into you and kisses you. His hands move to your waist, your lower back and then he’s pulling at your thigh and onto his lap for you to straddle him. You let out a gasp as he grips your thighs and Steve’s all of a sudden feeling much more confident than he was a couple minutes ago when he bites your lip and you let out a moan. 

Flipping you onto the bed Steve situates himself so he has one thigh between your legs, his thigh slowly putting more and more pressure against you until your hips lift up to meet it halfway and he moves his lips to your neck as you whimper his name. His hands are frantic as they try and touch every inch of you, pushing your shit up to your waist, moving up your arms and holding your hands above your head. 

He pauses just below your jaw, his movements halted and his body stiffens when the events of the past 24 hours cross his mind. Steve sighs and buries his head into your neck. He feels your hands slip from his fingers but he can’t bring it in himself to look you in the eye. 

“Steve?” He’s holding his weight off of you with his arms as you brush your fingers through his hair to try and get him to look at you. But Steve’s eyes are screwed shut even when you coax him enough to rest his forehead against yours. 

You run your fingers over his cheek, bring your leg up so your foot brushes against his knee. Steve takes it all in, every movement you make against him. Is it real? He asks himself. I thought she hated me? She didn’t trust me...but then…

“You need to get out of your head pretty boy. Tell me what’s going on? Did I do something?” His eyes dart open when he hears your whispers and he thinks maybe you can read minds for a second. You bring him closer and kiss him softly but Steve breaks it quickly.

“Do you trust me?” He mutters out and his voice is laced with insecurity. You notice it immediately because it’s exactly the same feeling you used to get with him. The umming and ahhing of mixed signals and emotions. 

The uncertainty in his eyes pleads you for the truth but words aren’t enough anymore. Words have gotten you nowhere special with Steve. So you kiss him. Softly but fully. You nip at his bottom and Steve tries to bite back a whimper but your name leaves him like a prayer. 

“Please,” he pleads as he kisses down over your collarbone and pulls your shirt over your head before continuing down. “I need to hear you, sweetheart.”

“You caught me,” you whisper, hands in his hair, “of course I trust you.” he nips at your hip just to hear you moan and he’s not disappointed when his name slips out. That’s all he needs to hear. 

Clothes are carefully pulled off. Each layer of his suit gently pulled from him, bruises still evident from earlier.  He tries not to think about the fact that he hasn’t showered since getting back compared to you in your pajamas, well, were in your pajamas and smelling like your body wash which he loves so much. 

Steve pulls you onto him, he sits you on his lap and takes a moment to admire how powerful and beautiful you look above him. Muttering it under his breath as he smiles up at you, you can’t help but feel shy hiding your face slightly against your shoulder, your hands pressed to his chest as you grind against him to try and distract him. Your plan works as he grips your thighs and growls, pulling you down so you’re chest to chest. 

“You’re absolutely gorgeous,” he whispers in your hair, hands moving up your back and back down to your hips. Sneaky his fingers to brush against your core you bite his shoulder as he presses down and Steve positions himself, needing you now before he chickens out again. “Darling-”

“Please, Steve.”

Slowly you lower yourself onto him, Steve moans your name as you sit up and start to move, filling yourself with him. Movements are slow as Steve sits up and holds you flush against him. They’re calculated as he bites into the crook of your neck, his fingertips digging into your waist.

Pants fill the room, both lost in each other to say anything further that “oh” and “yes”. When he flips you over onto your back and pulls your legs to wrap around his waist you can’t help but moan out his name and Steve almost loses himself right then and there, if it weren’t for you begging for more he would have. 

He moans out your name and you feel like you’re on fire with the way feels inside you, around you, on top of you. Steve makes sure to touch every part of you that he can as if he’s trying to memorize what you feel like under his fingers because that’s exactly what he’s trying to do. 

He locks his arms around you, his head buried in your neck and his leg pressing up to separate yours just that little bit further when you start to feel the familiar feeling of butterflies in your stomach. Steve can feel you clench around him and he pushes deeper into you, his movements becoming frantic and you pull at his hair and whimper under him. His hands grabbing at you rapidly as he pushes you over your edge, calling his name into the room and moaning it in his ear. He follows shortly after, “darling I - oh god I -” and your name sounds like a melody in your ear when he lets loose before peppering your shoulder in kisses and slowly pulling himself out as both your breathing relaxes. 

~~~

“Steve?” you’re curled up facing each other, his eyes are closed and he’s on the cusp of sleep as he hums back at you. Your legs are tangled together and fingers playing with each other as he lazily opens his eyes. “Never go to Sam or Bucky for girl advice again,” you say with a small smile and he can’t help but laugh, pulling you closer to him. 

“I definitely won’t be doing that,” he smiles back at you before pecking your lips quickly. 

“Now what?” You stare straight at his chest, Steve draws circles on your back as you trace your finger down the middle of his chest. 

“Will you go on a date with me?” he blurts it out as soon as you finish your sentence. He’s wanted to ask you for how many months now, he’s almost kicking himself for going about it in such a roundabout way but at least he’s made it. You laugh and nod into him and he breathes out a sigh of relief, one he didn’t realise he was holding as he brings you in closer and kisses your hairline. “Thank god for that.”

~~~

THANK YOU FOR READING AND I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT!

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