#(( me: [cannot crab to save my life]

[microwavesex]

off to go get my ass kicked

[thecreaturecodex]

Nascent Demon Lord, Carchanore

Image © @chimeride

[Sponsored by @crazytrain48, from Arduin. Carchanone is one of the Arduin demons with the wildest appearances, but relatively little flavor text. Which inspired me to go off in my own direction, tying into some of my favorite topics in Pathfinder, such as the economy of souls and belief, the qlippoth/demon cold war and the machinations of divinities. The mouths in the claws are borrowed from another Arduin archfiend, Gorog-Nor the Hungry One.]

Carchanore The Death Mole, The Burrower Between CE nascent demon lord of burrows, portals and paranoia Domains Chaos, Earth, Evil, Travel Subdomains Cave, Demon, Fear, Portal Worshipers evil molekin, miners, planar travelers, doomsday preppers Minions katpaskir demons, earth elementals, skymetal reavers Unholy Symbol a molehill with a spiked ball protruding from the top Favored Weapon heavy flail Devotion spend one hour digging. At the end of the hour, while standing inside the hole or tunnel, kill a living creature and consume some or all of it. Gain a +4 racial bonus to saving throws against paralysis and petrifaction. Boons 1st—stone call 2/day; 2nd—stoneskin 2/day; 3rd—plane shift 2/day (as 6th level spell)

Nascent Demon Lord, Carchanore CR 25 CE Outsider (extraplanar) This creature is the size of a wagon, a cross between a mole and a lobster covered in stony armor and spikes. It has eight elephantine legs each ending in sharp claws, and a long tail tipped with a spiked ball. Its arms are long and have crab-like pinchers. It has a circular whirling maw set in its eyeless face, and similar orifices open up in the corners of its claws.

Carchanore is a monster caught between worlds. Once, the Death Mole was a qlippoth lord who lived as a simple predator, albeit of the great wrackworms that crawl between the planes. His gift at digging is such that he can bore through planar boundaries in pursuit of his prey, and his knowledge of earth and stone made him occasionally revered by subterranean humanoids such as molekin or troglodytes. Deskari, Lord of the Locust Host, considered him a nuisance and a possible competitor to the portfolio of portals, and Yamasoth resented their shared domain of Earth. After Deskari was killed in the Material Plane, the severed faith of his remaining worshipers was cast into the multiverse, and the Burrower Between happened to be its recipient. The exposure to faith and sin warped Carchanore into a nascent demon lord. It made him rather more powerful, but also more vulnerable; without a domain to call his own, Carchanore cannot rejuvenate, and now is terrified that either old enemies or new will slay him. So he roams, digging his way from plane to plane and stopping only to rest.

Carchanore is a straightforward combatant. He prefers to fight with his natural weapons than with his earth magic, although he appreciates his newly gained ability to summon demons. Carchanore’s hide is stony hard and covered with sharp spikes, and weak creatures striking him may shred themselves on his spines before he even lays a claw on the. Carchanore is a juggernaut, trampling earthbound foes before grinding them to pieces with his diamond teeth. Carchanore has three mouths—one in the normal place and a secondary one at the joint of each of his crustacean claws—and any creature killed with these weapons is ground into mincemeat. If creatures keep their distance, Carchanore has a nasty surprise—he can fire the spines on his shell like a barrage of ballista bolts. In his previous life as a qlippoth lord, Carchanore gleefully fought to the death, but now he is quick to flee as he has a newly acquired fear of permanent destruction.

Although the bulk of Carchanore’s cult is made up of survivors of Deskari’s minions, not all of them are. The Burrower Between’s survivalist paranoia makes him popular among others who believe that the end is nigh, and some of his followers are converted from Groetus or other apocalyptic religions. After all, multiple apocalyptic events have been narrowly averted on Golarion, so sooner or later one of them is bound to come to its fulfillment. Such followers are noted for their endless digging, creating vast sprawling bunker complexes for themselves and filling them with provisions and traps. "Dig forever" is a common saying among the Burrower Between's worshipers. Amoral wizards interested in planar travel and mass summoning occasionally call on Carchanore to open gates for them, but doing so is fraught with danger, as the Death Mole views them as challenging prey as often as he does as supplicants.

Carchanore in the Great Game In the Age of Monsters plotline, Carchanore has received his demonic nature as an experiment. Pale Night, who straddles the line between qlippoth and demon herself, brokered a deal with a coalition of powerful katpaskir demons to turn the attentions of the fragmented cult of Deskari to a qlippoth lord, and the Burrower Between was the “lucky” recipient. Pale Night is now observing the Death Mole very closely, to see if he can fight his way into the ranks of true demon lords, or if he will die trying. Pale Night is keeping her reasons for this trial secret even from her allies.

Carchanore CR 25 XP 1,640,000 CE Huge outsider (chaos, demon, evil, extraplanar) Init +9; Senses blind, blindsight 120 ft., Perception +44, tremorsense 300 ft. Aura unholy (DC 25)

Defense AC 42, touch 18, touch 34 (-2 size, +9 Dex, +1 dodge, +4 deflection, +20 natural) hp 546(28d10+392); fast healing 10 Fort +27, Ref +31, Will +29 DR 20/good and adamantine; Immune charm and compulsion effects, death effects, electricity, paralysis, petrifaction, poison, visual spells and effects; Resist acid 30, cold 30, fire 30; SR 36 Defensive Abilities shatter weapons, spiny defense

Offense Speed 40 ft., burrow 60 ft. Melee 2 claws +40 (1d8+14 plus grab), bite +40 (2d6+14 plus grind), tail slap +38 (2d6+21) Ranged 8 stalagmite shots +35 (2d8+14) Space 15 ft.; Reach 15 ft. Special Attacks adamant attacks, gatecrasher (7/day), powerful blows (tail slap), rake (2 bites +40, 2d6+14 plus grind), trample (DC 38, 2d8+21) Spell-like Abilities CL 25th, concentration +32 Constant—unholy aura (self only, DC 25) At will—chaos hammer (DC 21), greater teleport (self plus 50 lbs. objects only), spike stones (DC 21), stone shape, stone tell 3/day—flesh to stone (DC 23), transmute mud to rock, transmute rock to mud, wall of stone, word of chaos (DC 24) 1/day—clashing rocks (DC 26), earthquake (DC 25), repel metal or stone, stone to flesh, summon (9th level, CR 20 or less demon)

Statistics Str 38, Dex 29, Con 38, Int 17, Wis 28, Cha 25 Base Atk +28; CMB +44 (+48 grapple); CMD 68 (80 vs trip) Feats Alertness, Combat Reflexes, Critical Focus, Deadly Aim, Dodge, Improved Critical (claw, stalagmite shot), Lightning Reflexes, Multiattack, Point Blank Shot, Power Attack, Precise Shot, Staggering Critical, Stunning Critical Skills Climb +45,Intimidate +38, Knowledge (engineering, geography) +31, Knowledge (planes) +34,Perception +44, Sense Motive +44, Stealth +32, Survival +40 Languages Abyssal, Celestial, Draconic, Terran, Undercommon, telepathy 300 ft. SQ nascent demon lord traits, no breath, sprint, stone stride, thagomizer, tunneler

Ecology Environment underground (the Abyss) Organization unique Treasure none

Special Abilities Adamant Attacks (Ex) Carchanore’s natural weapons count as adamantine for the purposes of ignoring damage reduction and hardness. Gatecrasher (Su) As a standard action, Carchanore can tear a hole in reality between 5 to 20 feet wide in an area within his reach. This functions as a gate spell for the purposes of planar travel except that creatures can travel in either direction through it, and remains open for 1 minute or until Carchanore chooses to close it as another standard action. This can even function in the area of a dimensional lock or similar effect, as long as Carchanore succeeds at a caster level check against the caster level of the spell. Grind (Ex) A creature struck by Carchanore’s bite attack must succeed a DC 38 Fortitude save or take 1d4+1 points of Strength and Constitution drain from having its flesh ground. A creature struck by multiple bites a round does not take additional damage, but suffers a -2 penalty to its saving throw for each additional bite. A creature reduced to 0 Strength or Constitution through this effect is slain and cannot be raised from the dead by any spell or effect that requires an intact body. The save DC is Strength based. Shatter Weapons (Ex) Any manufactured weapon that strikes Carchanore takes 4d6 points of damage. Weapons that take any amount of damage above their hardness gain the broken quality. Spiny Defense (Ex) Any creature striking Carchanore with a melee weapon, unarmed strike, natural weapon or touch attack takes 1d8+14 points of piercing damage. Weapons with the reach property do not endanger their wielders in such a way. Sprint (Ex) Once per hour, Carchanore can move 10 times his speed when making a run or charge action. Stalagmite Shot (Ex) Once every 1d4 rounds, Carchanore can fire off eight of his spines as a standard action. Treat these as ranged attacks with a range of 120 feet and no range increment. Carchanore can fire these at the same or different targets. Creatures struck take 2d8+14 points of piercing damage, Carchanore regrows spines effectively immediately, and never runs out of ammunition. Stone Stride (Su) Carchanore ignores difficult terrain and damage from natural, worked or magically altered earth, mud and stone. Thagomizer (Ex) Carchanore’s tail slap deals bludgeoning and piercing damage. Tunneler (Ex) Carchanore can move through solid rock at half his burrow speed, leaving a 15 foot square tunnel as he moves.

[animeyanderetalker]

So you finished enies lobby eh? How’s ur one piece journey so far, and do you have any brief thoughts on the straw hats (so far)?

I’m giving you my honest review here because as much as I like the series so far, I also have my fair share of stuff I don’t enjoy.

I adore the world in One Piece. I’ve been a big fan of Pirates of the Caribbean as a child and I have always wished back then that I would see Jack Sparrow exploring all mysterious islands and finding all treasures. I got that with One Piece but even better. Each island feels unique and whilst there are definitely pacing problems at times even this early for me, I do love the aspects of exploring each individual island and learning about the rules, the environment and the life of the people calling it their home. I know that the Skypiea Arc isn’t that beloved amongst Anime fans but I really loved the arc due to the unique and interesting setting the island in the sky had. From its past to the inventions to the way people live in the sky, everything has so much personality and that has been the case with every major island so far. The sense of adventure and curiosity I always get whilst getting to know a new island is really addictive and I love the foreshadowing. The fact that the end of the Going Merry had already been hinted during the Skypiea Arc but was only revealed during the Water 7 Arc is insane and from what I have heard, Oda is great in foreshadowing and I’m looking forward to that.

What I find myself struggling with, and I don’t know if the Anime is partially exaggerating this sometimes, are the characters itself at times and the, in my opinion, lukewarm comedy that gets very repetitive and boring after a while.

Luffy:

I am actively struggling with the main character at times. Luffy is quite carefree, impulsive and does whatever he wants and it is not even that this is what I dislike about him. He has such heartfelt moments such as giving Nami his straw hat during the Arlong Park Arc despite the hat being a treasure for him or him defending the pirate flag of Chopper during the Drum Island Arc. It’s just that he sometimes is portrayed as so amazingly incompetent and stupid that I am agonizing over it. How can you get stuck twice within the same arc in between two walls and then spend episodes there whilst your friends are trying to save Robin?? Him being a glutton is expected, older Shounen protagonists just seem to have a habit of having a black hole instead of a stomach. I also still don’t understand how he learnt Gear 2 and 3 in such a short time considering that I cannot recall a time where he had time to properly train.

Roronoa Zoro:

I have very little to criticize about Zoro. Luckily his character gag of always getting lost isn’t something that is thrown into my face every episode so I can tolerate it. He’s a man of honor and I like seeing him on screen, but I’m still waiting for that one moment of him where I go from liking him to loving him. I also feel like he suffered in the Enies Lobby Arc from being paired with uninteresting opponents to fight against (Kaku and Jabra).

Nami:

I love and hate Nami at the same time. But the reason why I hate her isn’t even her own fault. As a character I love how she isn’t someone who is actively fighting and has admittedly not the most interesting fights but without her literally nothing would work. As a navigator she is irreplaceable and without her skills the Straw Hats would go nowhere. Her backstory was also heartbreaking but Oda seems quite skillful when it comes to writing a good and tragic backstory. The reason why I hate her though is because she has become more and more a victim of sexualization the further the story has progressed and I just know that it’ll get even worse. I have seen the pictures of her after the timeskip and it is so infuriating because she didn’t look like this at the beginning of the story. The freaking scene in the Arabasta Arc where she was sexualized from a camel and a crab was a different low for me because it’s the first time I have seen animals thirsting over a female character.

Usopp:

Usopp is a character I also find myself struggling with. On the one hand his creativity and his craftsmanship are to be admired. This is a man who invented Nami’s Clima-Tact and was the shipwright before Franky joined. On the other hand his character gags of being the big coward can get a little bit tiring after a while for me. I really loved the Water 7 Arc because it showed him in a much more serious light which was a nice change for once. And I am going to be quite honest here with you, I did not enjoy the whole Sogeking sequence. I understand that he was too ashamed to face his friends after he had left the crew but it got a tad bit annoying to me after a while. I was also not surprised that Luffy and Chopper were the only ones who didn’t recognize him in his disguise.

Vinsmoke Sanji:

I actually really enjoyed Sanji’s character when he was first introduced. I admired his ideology of not letting anyone starve due to his own experience of being stranded on an island without much food and the relationship he had going on with Zeff and the other chefs was heartwarming. However, his simp character has significantly increased since then to the point where it has gotten frustrating and annoying. I remember that scene in the Skypiea Arc where the Going Merry was kidnapped with a few crew members still onboard. And the first thing that left Sanji’s mouth then was that he was disappointed that Nami wasn’t in bikini anymore. I think that is the moment where I started not liking his character as much anymore and from what I have heard, it’ll become a lot more worse. It’s really disappointing in my opinion because he could be such a cool character but around women he is always reduced to a simp with heart eyes.

Tony Tony Chopper:

Chopper is adorable and I love his versatile forms he can use with his Rumble Ball. But I just wish that the show would actually give him more recognition because the 50 Berries he has on his head as of now and the fact that he was called a pet on those wanted posters is saddening. Because not only can he actually fight because he took down one of the CP9 members but he is the doctor of the ship and fulfills such an important role because of it. He is more than just a cute little animal and I hope that will be more recognized.

Nico Robin:

Robin is as of now my favorite character and I have literally nothing I can criticize about her. She is intelligent, her backstory is my favorite as of now and I love how her character also shows that it isn’t only pure strength alone that can be dangerous in the eyes of others but also intelligence. She was wanted for simply knowing how to read Poneglyphs. I’m also happy that she hasn’t been sexualized in the Anime so far and I pray to god that she won’t get the Nami treatment later on. I also love her dark and blunt sense of humor.

Franky:

Franky is incredibly likable. He is as of now the newest member of the Straw Hats so I have not as much to say about him but he is also a well built character with a nice introduction. The relationship he had going on with Iceberg and his past with Tom were well written and despite his rowdy experience he has a heart made out of gold. The fact that he took all outsiders in Water 7 under his wings and gave them a new home and purpose says really all you need to know about him and I’m looking forward to seeing more of him.

[paperanddice]

Bone crabs are moderately large for crabs, but still relatively small creatures. Their shell is the color of aged bone, white with slight discolorations, letting them hide well among the loose bones they prefer for their home. Like a hermit crab, they will attempt to find a defensive shell, though they can also attempt to build their own, using a sticky mucous to bind together multiple bones into a rough shell. They are scavengers and occasional pack hunters, usually content to feed on dead bodies but in groups will bring down larger prey purposefully.

The most dangerous aspect of the bone crab is the white ghost shivers that nearly all are infected with. Immune to the effects of the disease themselves, they spread it to anyone who touches them. The disease is characterized by a mild chill that increases into a severe fever and terrifying hallucinations.

Rarely, large scale deaths can cause the spirits of the fallen to band together into a mass undead. The bone swarm is one of the possible results of this event, the skeletons of many dead pulling free from their bodies to create a swirling mass of bone. Formed from mass graves, abandoned battlefields, or a herd of animals dying together of disease or panicked stampede over a cliff, they ravage the countryside for new life, hunting anything with bones to rip free and join their mass. The skulls mixed in with the swarm constantly wail their anguish, only silencing for occasional bouts of lucid conversation, or when they seek to hide and sneak up on potential prey.

Originally from the Tome of Beasts 1. This post came out a week ago on my Patreon. If you want to get access to all my monster conversions early, as well as access to my premade adventures and other material I’m working on, consider backing me there!

Pathfinder 2e

Bone Crab Creature -1 Small Animal Amphibious Perception +4 Skills Athletics +4 (+6 when making a Long Jump or High Jump), Stealth +5 Str +0, Dex +2, Con +2, Int -5, Wis +1, Cha -3 AC 14; Fort +5, Ref +3, Will +2 HP 8; Resistances bludgeoning 2 Toxic Flesh A creature that touches the bone crab or eats any of its flesh is exposed to white ghost shivers. Speed 20 feet, swim 10 feet Melee claw +5 (agile, finesse), Damage 1d6 slashing plus white ghost shivers White Ghost Shivers (disease, virulent); Saving Throw Fortitude DC 12; Stage 1 carrier with no ill effects (1 day): Stage 2 drained 1 (1 day); Stage 3 drained 2 and frightened 1. The creature cannot reduce its frightened condition below 1 while at this stage (1 day). While the creature is infected, any living creature that touches it or that it touches is also exposed to white ghost shivers.

Bone Swarm Creature 10 Large Undead Swarm Perception +18; darkvision Languages Common, Necril Skills Acrobatics +18, Athletics +20, Stealth +18 Str +6, Dex +4, Con +2, Int -1, Wis +2, Cha +5 AC 28; Fort +16, Ref +20, Will +18 HP 132 (negative healing); Immunities death effects, disease, paralyze, poison, precision, swarm mind, unconscious; Resistances bludgeoning 5, piercing 10, slashing 10; Weaknesses area damage 10, splash damage 10 Death's Embrace [reaction] Trigger The bone swarm is targeted by an attack and has a creature grabbed. Effect the bone swarm pushes the grabbed creature in front of the attack. The bone swarm gains the benefit of standard cover against the attack. If the attack is a critical failure, the attacker must make a new roll for the attack, targeting the grabbed creature. Speed 20 feet, fly 60 feet Swirling Bones [one action] Each enemy in the bone swarm's space takes 2d12+10 bludgeoning, piercing, or slashing damage (basic Reflex DC 28). If a target fails this save, the bone swarm can attempt to Grab that creature. It can have as many creatures grabbed as fit into its space.

13th Age

Bone Crab  0 level spoiler [beast]  Initiative: +2 Claws +5 vs. AC - 4 damage. Natural Roll Above Target’s Constitution: The target is weakened and doesn’t add the escalation die to its attack rolls (hard save ends, 16+). Water Breather. AC 17 PD 14 MD 9 HP 18

Bone Swarm  Large 5th level wrecker [undead]  Initiative: +9 Vulnerability: Holy Swirling Bones +10 vs. PD (1d4+1 nearby enemies) - 15 damage, and after the attack the bone swarm engages one of the targets. Natural Even Hit: The bone swarm can grab the target. It can carry grabbed creatures with it when it moves. While it has at least one creature grabbed, it gains a +2 bonus to AC and PD, and if an attack against AC or PD that targets the bone swarm rolls a natural odd miss, one creature grabbed by the bone swarm takes 10 damage of the type the attack would have dealt. Flier. No Opportunities: The bone swarm can’t make opportunity attacks, and enemies can’t make opportunity attacks against it. Swarming Resistance: Each turn, the bone swarm gains resist damage 18+ to all damage from attacks by enemies that the swarm did not attack that turn. AC 19 PD 19 MD 15 HP 152

[convenient-plot-device]

My unorganized thoughts after finishing The Dragon Prince season 5

Finished binging the season!!! I loved it. It dragged in places and that stupid fucking lemur thing is still the bane of my existence but I loved the character development and plot beats! I also loved seeing more of Terry. He has something deeply wrong with him <3. Also liked Viren completing his redemption arc, though I would have preferred the resurrection spell actually require Claudia to sacrifice herself or at least like sacrifice a limb or something to truly complete Viren's arc. He has no attachment to that fuckin homunculus thing, and his reasoning for not killing it being that "Dark magic led Claudia down a dangerous path, I'm not doing any more dark magic" is a little weak. I do appreciate that the way they did it gave us a whole scene of Aaravos talking about "our child" with Viren, peak evil gay, but it did a disservice to Viren's redemption arc. I get that it was kinda the only way, since Aaravos knows Viren would never hurt one of his actual kids at this point in his arc, but still. I also am really interested in how Zubeia being corrupted goes, how Claudia losing her leg goes, and what's up with that magic pearl. Is that really Aaravos's prison? Or is that the key to his prison? Loved Callum struggling with what he's willing to do under pressure to save those he loves, and how that's contrasted with Claudia, who's kind of a dark mirror for who he could become if he can't learn to let go of those he loves. Loved the reveal that he used dark magic to save Rayla in the Sea Legs episode. Also just really liked Finnegrin, he's a great character and I love his design. Love a ruthless evil pirate who wants revenge on the Archdragon of the Ocean for killing his beloved hermit crab, who keeps pet hermit crabs all over his office, and who has a neckline low enough to kill god. I also love Elmer! What the fuck is his deal though. Are there just plant trolls in Xadia now? Not opposed, just wanna know.

I also really loved Soren this season! I like how his kindness and unwavering faith in others is his greatest strength. Very sweet. That man is the One True Himbo. Dumb, strong, and most importantly, kind. Fucking LOVED seeing Tidebound elves this season. I've wanted to see ocean elves since season one! Fuck yeah! Janai and Amaya are so cute together. Same with Terry and Claudia, love a good fucked up couple. He's just like "I can fix her" and she's just like "No you can't but you CAN join me in my insanity." Callum and Rayla go back and forth for me; sometimes they're really sweet, but sometimes they seem almost forced and I'm just like... can't they be BFFs? Or in a QPR? I feel like it would fit better than a romance TBH. I also love how Villads was 1000% willing to get his hand chopped off for a few kids he met once three years ago. My kind of dude. Fuck that General lady, also. Like, how is Karim worth betraying your entire people and possibly ruining the future of your whole society?? Does he kiss you on the forehead sometimes? Please get better judgment you are literally a judge on the High Court. Also what is up with the Sunfire high priest? He's clearly hiding what's most likely a corrupted wound but why? And why side with Karim? I loved Kim'dael. Love an emo vampire lady with sapphic energy who could kill a man with her fingernails (literally). I like how she isn't strictly evil and has a clear goal that she acts toward with logic. She wants to be freed from her mercy debt so she can drink the blood of anyone she wants, and she acts with logic toward that goal. I still CANNOT wait for them to finally free Runaan from the coin. Honestly Rayla's parents come second for me because we just don't know them as people. But like. I wanna see the cut to Ethari standing over the pool and seeing Runaan's life lily rise to the surface again. I will cry and that is a promise.

Also, that bit where Janai has a nightmare where Aaravos tells her that her great-grandmother's fate was that Aaravos "swallowed her"??? Why are half the lines out of Aaravos's mouth innuendos. Is it the VA's voice? Does it just compel people to write his characters like that? Or is Aaravos just Like That as a person.

I mean like. Aarvos also flirts needlessly with Viren every chance he gets. Not even for manipulation because Viren is not into him, he's just incapable of not acting like that. Viren is definitely gay though. Like definitely. Even my cishet brother could tell in that scene where Viren is having a dark magic-induced fever dream about Harrow. Like oh you *liked him* liked him. Sure had a funny way of showing it, Mr. Kill The Princes. Anyway. Yeah that's my thoughts on The Dragon Prince season 5! Cannot wait for seasons six and seven, I'm sure they will be so cool.

[ask-ozai]

Why do you hate Zuko so much? Aside from the fact that he now stole your throne with the avatar's help. Did you hate him since the moment he was born? Do you regret anything and/or feel you could have done things differently? Like manipulate him to work for your cause (instead of openly casting him aside) before killing him & masking it as some freak accident like an assassination attempt or whatever? What kind of relationship do you envision yoursef having with his offspring?

Zuko did not steal my throne, Zuko destroyed my empire, the world government I was building with my own hands. An entire world led by the strength of the Fire Nation. Zuko stole it from all of us. He stole our future, when he stole Azula's throne and then put her in the shrink so she would not claim it back. He betrayed us in the worst way and he does not even seem to realize it. But you ask if he has always been like this, and the answer is no. Everything used to be different a long time ago.

To answer your question, I have to remind you of the reason why my father ordered me to marry Ursa. We had to have strong and powerful children to serve Lu Ten in his reign. That was my mission. But it was clear from the start that Zuko was lucky to have been born at all and would never have enough strength. I made fireballs with my hands the second I was born, but he spent the first three years of his life without even a spark. So we tried again and Azula was the perfect result, and I focused on training her as soon as possible, letting Ursa to take care of Zuko. That was my first mistake, because Ursa raised Zuko as an ignorant, irresponsible peasant because I was focused on Azula. I should have made sure from the start that Zuko was raised the right way for a Fire Nation prince. But I allowed his mother to spoil him, because he was not useful for the purpose he was born for anyway. Hating him though? I had no reason to. Disappointment is not the same as hate. As long as Zuko didn't get in the way or embarrass me in front of my father there would not be any problem.

Besides, Zuko was not completely useless. Sometimes he had his moments, and he said smart things. Once when we were on Ember Island, I noticed that he was looking at the ocean. When I asked him what he was doing, he said that the war would have been over long ago if we had a bigger fleet with better ships. I had said the same thing recently. I was pleased, I even put my hand on his shoulder.

There was also that time he almost drowned when he was two years old, because he was chasing a stupid crab. If I had always thought he was a complete waste of space I would not have saved him.

No, things didn't start to go really bad until Ursa wrote that damn letter.

A peasant's son. Ursa would have preferred Zuko to be the son of the stupid stinky peasant. Agni had given her a prince, the best firebender in the world, and she wanted an useless peasant who couldn't even use a wooden sword. I cannot describe the fury I felt at that moment. It was one thing to live in Iroh's shadow, the golden boy, the military genius, the heir to the throne, our father's favorite. But living in Ikea's shadow? No. Never. Something broke at that moment, and all I wanted was to get revenge on Ursa for that humiliation.

Ursa would have preferred Zuko to be a bastard? Well, I would give her exactly what she wanted, and from then on I began to treat him as if he were.

[cakerybakery]

“Whom do you seek?” The ageless giant’s voice rattled my bones as he towered over me from his seat upon a stone throne.

“Death!” I shouted, hoping he could hear me.

“Why?”

It was hard to stand from the force in his voice.

“He took what was mine!”

In a motion that seemed slow and deliberate he reached down and scooped me up, letting me go upon his shoulder where I gripped his robe tightly.

He stood, keeping a hand protectively around me so I would not fall. He was impossibly tall and each casual stride would have taken me a minute to run.

“All belongs to Life until it is given to Death.” No longer directed at me it was easier to withstand his voice and volume.

“Not this.”

“What was taken?”

I have to force the words out, “my dog.” Hot and wet tears begin to streak my face. “He saved me. Now I’m going to save him.”

“Boy, all things die.”

“Then I will kill Death. If all things die then so must he. And I’ll take back my dog.”

The giant hmmed.

We walked on like that. Down cavernous halls so tall I couldn’t tell if I was looking at stars or something else. The walls obscured by a fog that grew thicker as we went, swirling by his feet and rising until it seemed we were nearly swimming. Were it not for his muffled steps I might have thought we were.

I heard a mournful echo above us and watched as a whisp of a massive creature turn overhead. It’s eye seemed to focus on me before calling out again, flicking it’s powerful tail, and disappearing from sight. It looked like a whale swimming through the sky. As I tried to focus on it the fog lapped at my shoes and we moved further down into it. A crab snapped it’s claws at me and I jerked back nearly tumbling off my perch.

We were swallowed whole by the fog.

Only in its absence did I realize I no longer heard a deep churning.

The fog parted like a curtain and we stood in the barren presence of an angelic girl.

“Are you Death?” I called down.

She shook her head and bells tinkled in the silence.

“She is life.” The giant plucked me and set down in front of the girl.

“I wanted to see Death.”

“You have seen Death. In the bugs you crushed, your grandfather before he passed, the dog who’s gave his life to save yours. You rode upon his shoulder to come here.” She smiled sweetly and played with her hair, making the bells tinkle in time to her words. “Lovely. I like this form you have chosen for me.”

I nearly jump as the ageless giant man is now just a robed skeleton boy. “How…?” I trailed off.

“We are as you feel we must be. Defeating Death must have seen such a task, he could not help but be who you thought him to be. You think me innocent of in Benji’s death, I cannot help but appear as such.”

“Did you cause his death?”

“We do not cause life or death. I rule over all that lives and I do what I can to protect it but, eventually all things must leave my domain. One day, even I will cross over.”

She rose from the ground, older now. Looking less like an angel and more like my mother. She reached out a hand and Death, taller and more human, took it.

“You have come far, boy.” Death speaks with the voice of my father. Had he always?

“We cannot give you back Benji. He resides in the land of my other half and cannot return.”

“I will watch over him. Until such time as you cross over-“

“I want to cross now!”

They looked sadly at each other, looking more and more with the faces of my parents.

“We do not know the future. I cannot say it is not your time as we do not control when someone is to cross the lands. But it is not a choice to make lightly.” Death was solemn. He raised two fingers to his mouth and whistled.

From beyond the fog came a barking.

Whole and wagging bounded Benji into the light. He cocked his head and ran to me. He licked at my face and I buried my hands into his soft fur. His fur became wet with my tears as I sobbed into his neck.

“Benji willingly gave his life for yours. He knew he likely would not survive a fight with a bear but choose to defend you anyways. He wanted you to live.”

He looked at me with those big eyes and a sad smile, then ran back towards the land of the dead. I got up to follow but he turned, barked at me as though he was issuing a command I had taught him only a few years ago, stay.

He was gone.

They were gone.

I was gone.

My alarm buzzed and I pulled myself out of bed. I was still dressed in my clothing from the cave. The same ones I was wearing when I set out weeks ago. My phone said differently. Only the night had passed, although it contained the missed calls and texts from the next several weeks ahead.

My only evidence that the journey had happened at all.

We ate breakfast quietly, my parents and I. Someone always touching me, as if in disbelief that I was unharmed after what happened.

Later, we mourned Benji.

The goodest boy.

[doc42]

“We don’t need any more Dark Lords.”

We don’t need any more Dark Lords, we don’t need any more, ‘Here are the good guys, they’re in white, there are the bad guys, they’re in black. And also, they’re really ugly, the bad guys.’

— GRRM, 2011

“I thought him evil at first, a dark king leading his people into ruin, but watching him… he is ruined already, hollow, empty. He feasts on the lives of your people because he has no life of his own, not even a name that is truly his. Once I wondered what he thought of, alone, all those days and nights in darkness. I know now that he does not think at all. Perhaps he dreams. If so, I think he dreams of death, of an ending. He dwells in that black empty cabin as if it were a tomb, stirring from it only at the scent of blood. And the things he does… it is more than rashness. He courts destruction, discovery. He must want an end, a rest, I believe. He is so old. How tired he must be.”

“Julian is old, Abner, old. The thirst … he has not felt the thirst in years… hundreds, thousands of … years… that was why the drink… had no effect. I never knew, none of us did. You can outlive the thirst, and he… he did not thirst… but he fed, because he chose to, because of those things he said that night, you remember, strength and weakness, masters and slaves, all the things he said. Sometimes I think… the humanity of him is all hollow, a mask… he is only an old animal, so ancient it has lost even the taste for food, but it hunts on nonetheless, because that is all it remembers, that is all it is, the beast. The legends of your race, Abner, your vampire tales… the living dead, the undead, we bear those names in your stories. Julian… I think with Julian it is the truth. Even the thirst is gone. Undead. Cold and hollow and undead.”

— Fevre Dream, Chapter Twenty-Eight

“We shall have no king but from the kingsmoot.” The Damphair stood. “No godless man—”

“—may sit the Seastone Chair, aye.” Euron glanced about the tent. “As it happens I have oft sat upon the Seastone Chair of late. It raises no objections.” His smiling eye was glittering. “Who knows more of gods than I? Horse gods and fire gods, gods made of gold with gemstone eyes, gods carved of cedar wood, gods chiseled into mountains, gods of empty air … I know them all. I have seen their peoples garland them with flowers, and shed the blood of goats and bulls and children in their names. And I have heard the prayers, in half a hundred tongues. Cure my withered leg, make the maiden love me, grant me a healthy son. Save me, succor me, make me wealthy … protect me! Protect me from mine enemies, protect me from the darkness, protect me from the crabs inside my belly, from the horselords, from the slavers, from the sellswords at my door. Protect me from the Silence.” He laughed. “Godless? Why, Aeron, I am the godliest man ever to raise sail! You serve one god, Damphair, but I have served ten thousand. From Ib to Asshai, when men see my sails, they pray.”

The priest raised a bony finger. “They pray to trees and golden idols and goat-headed abominations. False gods …”

— A Feast for Crows, The Iron Captain

“I think the Damphair’s dead. I think the Crow’s Eye slit his throat for him. Ironmaker’s search is just to make us believe the priest escaped. Euron is afraid to be seen as a kinslayer.”

“Never let my nuncle hear you say that. Tell the Crow’s Eye he’s afraid of kinslaying, and he’ll murder one of his own sons just to prove you wrong.” Asha was feeling almost sober by then. Tristifer Botley had that effect on her.

“Even if you did find your uncle Damphair, the two of you would fail. You were both part of the kingsmoot, so you cannot say it was unlawful called, as Torgon did. You are bound to its decision by all the laws of gods and men. You—”

— A Dance With Dragons, The Wayward Bride

When Euron came again, his hair was swept straight back from his brow, and his lips were so blue that they were almost black. He had put aside his driftwood crown. In its place, he wore an iron crown whose points were made from the teeth of sharks.

“That which is dead cannot die,” said Aeron fiercely. “For he who has tasted death once need never fear again. He was drowned, but he came forth stronger than before, with steel and fire.”

“Will you do the same, brother?” Euron asked. “I think not. I think if I drowned you, you’ll stay drowned. All gods are lies, but yours is laughable. A pale white thing in the likeness of a man, his limbs broken and swollen and his hair flipping in the water while fish nibble at his face. What fool would worship that?”

“He’s your god as well,” insisted the Damphair. “And when you die, he will judge you harshly, Crow’s Eye. You will spend eternity as a sea slug, crawling on your belly eating shit. If you do not fear to kill your own blood, slit my throat and be done with me. I’m weary of your mad boastings.”

“Kill my own little brother? Blood of my blood, born of the loins of Quellon Greyjoy? And who would share my triumphs? Victory is sweeter with a loved one by your side.”

— The Winds of Winter, The Forsaken (Aeron I)

Mr Writer has said, “no more Dark Lords! What we need are edgelords.”

[celiastjamesoscar]

My morning's going well :D♡♡ i got off school early, i haven't ate breakfast yet, yesterday evening when i was in my english class, i'm in a writing course so the teacher gave us a paper and wanted us to write a story of a picture displayed in the paper in a group of three. Me and with my two partners we were about to write but we ended up talking about how shit americans/white people are with cooking 😭😭

also i saw a tiktok of a restaurant in my country where there was a dish with 50 peppers, my friend told me if we're able to finish the dish we don't have to pay for it 🤔 the dish is called bok lahong which is a traditional cambodian spicy dish with sliced mangoes, shrimp and crab :))

I’m glad your morning went well <3! Did you eat some kind of lunch of dinner to make up for missing breakfast? Surprisingly, I don’t think I’m the stereotypical American when it comes to cooking, I love cooking and it’s one of my favorite things to do. But I can completely agree that most of us do not belong anywhere near a stove 😭

Now I am the stereotypical white person when it comes to spices; I cannot handle that stuff to save my life 😭 Are you guys thinking about trying it? I just googled what it looks like and it looks amazing!!

Over here we kind of have something like, just with pizza. There’s a restaurant close to me that makes this giant ass pizza, about 30 inches long and 11 pounds heavy (this is why we have the worst healthcare) and if you can finish it, you don’t have to pay for it

[gaygamesstarringmary]

Atomic Wasteland, Sentient Forest, Alien Ocean

‘Fuck You’ Graffitied Across the Wall

My first M-rated game was Fallout 3. I cried when I finished that game. Not because the game was particularly sad, but because I knew I could never go back and play that game again. 

After years of begging for a PS4, my parents got me a PS3. I wanted Fallout 4 but it wasn’t compatible with the PS3, so I settled for Fallout 3. The graphics sucked, even for 2016.

And my mom. She wasn’t sure how graphic this game was, so she watched me play it. Of course, she watched the worst part. My player character entered a building I knew was filled with raiders- post-apocalyptic baddies. But I didn’t know they had littered the floor with mines.

My character exploded into a million little pieces. The camera focused on one piece in particular as the chunk rolled down the stairs. There, at the bottom of the stars, written in blood: FUCK YOU.

My mother was shocked. Never had she been so repulsed in her entire life. And just as she’d given me the game, she took it away.

I begged. And begged. And pleaded. After a few days of my nonstop pleading, and my verbal promise that I would never actually kill anyone in real life (I’m the type of person to spare the scariest of spiders), my mom returned the game to me, albeit begrudgingly.

I recently played Fallout: New Vegas, and I never learn. Never look at the floor. I never even think that mines might be on my path. Now, though, my mom watches me play with glee. She is horrified, yes, but only because I’m so goddamn bad.

2. The Sun Sets; I’m Completely Fucked

The setting sun casts its orange light on the forest. Soon this crooked forest will consume everything. Already, it’s taken highways and villages for its own. In these villages, infected humans lay dying. Some infected humans keep their sanity, but not their human image. And some still lose both mind and body to the forest. The player character, a human who has managed to keep his sanity and his self despite the forest’s universal plague, sprints home. There, he pulls a dresser in front of one of the doors, starts the generator, and hides in a corner gripping tightly his rifle. 

When the sun sets, the infected come. First, they knock on doors. They peep through windows. Then they grow more violent. They tear down barricades and search the homes for the man inside.

Darkwood is a hit-or-miss game for most. I love it through and through. The infected forest is beautiful. The infected people, not so much, but I enjoy screaming and running from them as fast as my poor player character can.

I fell in love with this game during the first night I played. A knocking at my door startled me, but I continued hiding in my corner, and, eventually, whoever was knocking roamed away. The lore of the game is wonderful, as I discovered when I met the Wolf Man. The plague touched him so that he transformed into a bipedal wolf, with the appetite to boot. 

The monsters are horrifying. Knowing that they are- or were- people is worse. Chompers were the bane of my existence while I played this game, and I ran every time I saw one. They are infected people who split down the middle to their chests. This made room for a large mouth of teeth.

I have days worth of time invested into this game. 

But I cannot finish it.

I don’t want a repeat of Fallout 3 ever again, so I never finish games I really love. When I feel Darkwood’s end drawing near, I delete my save file and start anew.

3. Discovering I Have Thallassophobia

I love games, but I am not good at them. I have to play most shooters on easy because I have the aim of a drunk Stormtrooper. Subnautica is no different.

I love the ocean. Before Batman came along, it and mythology had been my hyper-fixations. I still know way too much about yeti crabs and other deep-sea life. While no longer a hyper fixation, the deep oceans are still fixations.

I want to live at the bottom of the ocean. I dream not of whale song, but of bone worms swaying in the current. Before I get started on the real oceans, though, let me introduce Subnatuica.

Subnautica is a first-person adventure game set on an alien planet made completely of water. Your goal is to get off the planet while avoiding being eaten by an apex predator along the way, or being picked off by those annoying little crabs. It focuses on adventure and base building, but I didn’t care about either of those.

I wanted to see the creatures. Specifically, the creatures in the deep dark. So, as soon as I had the necessary resources, I vowed, I would travel to the abyss and gather information on every lifeform there.

That never happened. Again, I’m awful at games. 

Worse, it wasn’t even an apex predator that kept killing me- or even those crabs. It was dehydration. Water was all around me, but not the drinkable kind. And I had no idea how to get water so I kept dying.

I gave up sooner rather than later and watched every Youtuber play Subnautica  I could. Despite having never been to the abyss myself, I have seen through others the creatures that live there, and they are just as strange and fascinating as the deep-sea animals in real life. 

Biolumenisent predators. Long-legged crabs. And sapient creatures that, unlike dolphins (who I fully believe to be as intelligent as humans, unfortunately) aren’t completely fucked up in the head.

And, again, watching the ending of this game, I cried.

[leaky-pen]

I posted 639 times in 2022

That's 601 more posts than 2021!

194 posts created (30%)

445 posts reblogged (70%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@leaky-pen

@maximum-ride

@weatheredwaxwings

@pcktknife

@hoofpeet

I tagged 613 of my posts in 2022

Only 4% of my posts had no tags

#alienreblog - 388 posts

#offtopicink - 96 posts

#pokemon - 92 posts

#inksfanart - 42 posts

#hermitcraft - 39 posts

#mcyt - 34 posts

#invader zim - 26 posts

#obey me - 24 posts

#splatoon 3 - 19 posts

#mlp - 19 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i get they were more like side characters but it felt like they were in the weird middle ground between showing up too little to be importa

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Every time I hear "X gon give it to ya" in Hermit Gang another year is added to my lifespan.

145 notes - Posted May 20, 2022

#4

Things I learned in Sky today

You can technically do todays red rock thingy event alone and with no prop to recharge from, but it is VERY hard and you really don't want to

When someone in a shared memory candle honks it attracts the crabs, use this to your advantage

If you think you know what the hit boxes are on the red crystals, you don't

You can be hit by the crabs when you are flying over them, even when you think you aren't anywhere near them

If you get knocked down it becomes near impossible to avoid the crabs due to the reduced mobility, so avoid that happening at nearly any cost

If you land on top of the red crystal by accident and get knocked down it becomes VERY hard to get off of it. So son't do that either

If you are doing it alone then bring a prop to recharge from(if only i had one of those T-T), because the time it takes to recharge from the nearest light source and then get back means you probably won't get much of the rewards

Keep your camera fully zoomed out and look around you constantly, this makes it easier to spot charging crabs

If you redo it you DON'T get the extra rewards you missed last time

159 notes - Posted July 12, 2022

#3

IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR

190 notes - Posted October 22, 2022

#2

Cleo is very easily one of my absolute favorite hermits and i am so thankful of her and all the cheer she's brought me over the years!

(Anyone who wants to use this as an icon feel free just please credit me)

(Also i know this isn't her most recent skin i just CANNOT draw snakes to save my life T^T)

205 notes - Posted June 3, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Well, do you?

299 notes - Posted January 20, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[slumbering-shadows]

Day 2 of the misadventures of Coryn in Pokemon: Violet!

I wandered around aimlessly for a while trying to decide what I wanted to do, mostly just focusing on filling out my pokedex. The most noteworthy catchs of the day were a little Charcadet and a Whooper!!! I love the designs they're both so cute. I named Charcadet Sparky, and Whooper Goober, and promptly added them to my party. After some leveling for the newcomers, along with a freshly evolved Fletchinder, I figured I might be able to take on my very first gym! So I made a beeline for the Bug gym, catching every new Pokemon I could find on the way.

Kicking around the olive was fun only in that the idea of a gigantic fucking olive is hilarious to me. Otherwise it felt a little pointless? I'm not sure how playing glorified soccer qualifies me as a trainer. I kind of just accidentally somehow kicked it almost immediately to the end using skyrim horse tilt logic, I guess. Made it to and through the gym battle fairly easy, one shot the first two opponents, although her Terastilized teddiursa kicked my ass pretty bad. I won purely because he got poisoned from attacking Goober and the tick damage got him just in time.

First gym defeated! Wohoo! Time to venture onward! Spent some time leveling up, and made my first picnic.

hehe bubbly whooper

My depth perception is so bad y'all I cannot make a sandwich to save my life. The card said it was 3 stars and I feel like I'm being mocked.

Spent a lot of time beating up Klawfs because they gave me lots of yummy exp. Caught my own Klawf. Beat up more.

GOOBER BIG. clodsire is so fucking shaped I love him.

Grabbed myself a Combee from near the bug gym and lucky me it was a female! Beat up some more crabs and very quickly got her evolved into a Vespiqueen. Onwards, to the Grass gym!

she was waiting for me at the grass gym. Nemona this is not a coincidence, you are stalking me. do I have to file a restraining order. She says she's not gonna fight me rn to prove she wasn't stalking me which made me a little sad because I still have the all consuming desire to beat the shit out of her stupid fucking duck. Oh well.

undertaleflashbacks.jpeg (ps: my frames are now cotton eyed joe. where did they go.)

I'm not sure if they were trying to make this guy annoying as hell but they did. Anyway my Vespiqueen one shot all of his lame ass pokemons. He screamed "avant garde" at me and I don't think he actually knows what that word means. I think he should have given me extra money for having to deal with him.

After that i realized it was very late so I went to bed! Will post day 3 progress tomorrow :)

[princessflorida]

Projects for when I move

These are ideas I would like to do whenever I end up moving, didn't know where else to put it and wanted to share

bat box

bee keeping

chickens

native edible and medicinal plants

youtube channel where i share my gardening, foraging, etc

pollinator garden for bats, bees, butterflies, and hummingbirds

native carnivorous plants

native cacti and succulents

making shelf-stable products out of native edible and medicinal plants such as jams, leathers, tinctures, and supplements

sorghum for self-sustainable grain products

native and naturalized berries and fruit trees

canning, sun drying, and other sustainable food preservation methods

fishing, clam digging, crawdadding, and crabbing

hunting (turkey, invasive boar)

food forest and permaculture

restoration and conservation of endangered flora and fauna

natural disaster humanitarian aid

giving away extra produce and homemade products to those in need

bartering and trade with local farmers, hunters, homesteaders etc

raising awareness for cheap or free ways to forage and grow food and medicinal plants, education on how/why they work, and education on permaculture and it's extreme importance to a sustainable future for humanity

I still don't know when I am moving and I don't like to say a set time or date as I feel like I'd like to keep that private. Too many times have I shared plans too soon throughout my life and it all came crashing down. You could attribute that to evil eye, to that it wasn't meant to be, or pure coincidence, however I do believe other people's energies effects us in certain ways. The life I have always dreamed of was to live out in nature in the swamps and woods and live a simple life off the land as much as possible.

It's pretty much the only thing I care about any more to achieve in life, and no form of career or institutionalized higher education has ever appealed to me, nor was higher education ever reasonably accessible for me. I have chronic illness and am on the spectrum, and I will do anything it takes to stop living a life made for allistics that after over 10 years of being an adult, is really starting to wear me down and I know I cannot even survive a few more years of living such an unsustainable lifestyle that directly forces me to HAVE to push my body and mind to the brink just to stay alive, with no savings, goals, or anything - as everything is pushed to the wayside as the only goal I can afford is survival. That is not a life worth living at all in my opinion.

I will do anything to achieve and maintain the quality of life I deserve as well as thrive and be joyous on top of that. I have spent almost my entire life fighting just to stay alive and that got old a long time ago. I don't really care if anyone judges me for not wanting a career or to go to college, as I'm already approaching my 30's and I just want to do what makes me happy, despite how others may think of it.

I love learning new things especially when it comes to the hyper-specific niche of zone 9a and 9b gardening and natural living, I want to go to therapy and work on my mental health, and I need a lower demand lifestyle. To some this may seem a high demand lifestyle, but the hardest part is the setup. Once a permaculture home base is set up, it requires little maintenance and is the type of tasks I can take breaks on and work around my chronic illness/disabilities.

I don't care if anyone judges me for needing a lower demand lifestyle, or calls me "lazy" or "doesn't want to work" etc. because I spent the first 5 or 6 years of my adult life busting my ass, working 12 hour shifts, working 6 days a week, "grinding" etc and it never got me anywhere but so burnt out and sick I kept getting repeatedly hospitalized for pushing my health to within an inch of my life. I grew up with generational poverty that impacted my life trajectory permanently. My top and #1 priority is creating a QOL that will allow me to be content and satisfied. Money means nothing to me, and many of the things I want to do can be achieved for low cost or free, just takes effort to put in. And I would rather put effort into something that is actually sustainable and will serve my health and wellbeing for the rest of my life than to put everything I have into a hole in the ground that sucks my soul dry.

the idea that "it's america and anyone can do anything" is a privileged take that caters to fully able bodied allistic white people. I'm white, so I do have that lmao. But for reference, my mom grew up in a dirt floor shack built by my great grandpa in the Appalachian mountains, with no utilities, a woodfire stove, and had to haul buckets of water and wash their clothes in the creek, gardening, hunting etc. And she said she'd rather go back to that than have to ever live like a filthy rich person. And I agree. Making money for things I don't need or to upkeep some type of "lifestyle" for social approval and self validation has never interested me. I think money is the most evil thing ever invented and that I'd like to stay out of capitalism as much as possible, seeing as how in my personal belief there will be no revolution or class solidarity changes within my lifetime, and I do not believe the major changes we need will happen before ecological disaster causes us to go extinct. So I would rather focus my time on helping myself, and helping whoever I can have even just a little bit better life. Harm reduction to a terminal illness.

Like a plane, they tell you to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help someone else. I cannot help others if I cannot even breathe myself. My current lifestyle even with working the amount I do, which is nowhere near as much as I used to, plus the exhaustion from so many major life events I have experienced in the past 2 years, and my age, is causing me to decline rapidly both physically and cognitively. I am not doing well. I cannot keep living like this. Every week is just crashing and burning, doing my laundry, and then starting the next week all over again. I experience a lot of anhedonia no matter how much I try to "exposure therapy" myself to fun things, as it's hard for me to enjoy fun things to do when my current life itself is not something I want to live at all. I am a fish being forced to ride a bike and I am at my breaking point. I would truly rather to take myself off the face of the earth permanently than to live this way for the rest of my life. It's not natural, it's not "normal", and it's not healthy.

My cognitive function is through the floor living like this and I can barely keep up with "adulting" things, I'm in a lot of debt because credits and loans were the only ways I could afford to keep myself going without being homeless, living paycheck to paycheck and never having any savings for years on end because I couldn't afford it, because I kept having to spend all my money on whatever immediate high cost problem needed rectifying. I can barely remember most of this year. The last 5 years felt like 2. I can hardly remember huge chunks of my life and cannot remember to keep up with responsibilities because 100% of my mental energy goes to masking and trying to stay afloat after over a decade of poverty struggles. I am "not autistic enough" to the point people just expect me to live an allistic life, and I won't do it anymore. I'm dying inside. My entire life has been constantly prioritizing which one of a MILLION tiny fires to put out, putting the smallest fires on the back burner to focus on the big one that's currently risking my safety and stability, only to have to switch to another when one of the tiny fires grew to an inferno behind my back because I couldn't afford or didn't have time to deal with it while trying to deal with other problems. A never ending catch 22 of keeping the poor down. I won't do it anymore. I am pursuing a lower demand lifestyle by ANY means necessary, with as little governmental and capitalistic force and involvement in my life as possible. I don't care if anyone judges me or has anything negative to say about it, because they either don't know how it feels to have my conditions, live the life I've had with the cards I was dealt, or what have you. Most people do not prioritize the same things as me and would rather to continue living with "regularly scheduled programming" than to actually live in-tune with the earth and with their own beliefs they preach. Most people in my experience don't practice what they preach or practice very little of it, and on paper if you looked at their life stats versus someone they insist they hate the values of, their lives are near identical.

I do not take any pride in making money or being "successful" in the ways our individualistic, selfish culture says is "good". I hate respectability politics and refuse to behave or conduct myself and my life in a way I morally disagree with unless I literally have no choice but to do it or die/be put in prison. The only reason I do any sort of participation in the US government's requirements is to escape a cage or a dirt hole. Otherwise they can suck my dick. I come from a long line of people who experienced a lot of trauma based on the formation of this country, which is another separate post with a lot of complex issues and history. A lot of people in my family never received birth certificates unless they were forced, and would not participate in census, taxes, etc. unless it was by coercive force. I'm inclined to agree the same. I will not live a life of extortion where I'm used as a farm animal, being pissed on the leg and told it's raining. More like getting pissed directly in the mouth by Uncle Sam himself and told it's champagne. I think our government is evil, always have, and always will. Nothing will ever convince me it is worthwhile to participate in their theater of lies and smokescreens that dupe fools into thinking they actually listen to or care about any of our opinions. The ultra-wealthy are who decide everything. We are cattle. And the more layers of marginalization you experience in this country, such as being a person of color, disabled, mentally ill or neurodivergent, queer, etc - the harder they will force you to play their games. I'm taking my ball back.

I am tired of having been forced my entire life to sacrifice my future to survive today.

As in the words of the great Kendrick Lamar,

"Something's in the water - and if I gotta brown nose for nose for some gold, I'd rather be a bum than a motherfuckin' baller"

[funnihuh]

Link: Gee, it sure is boring around here.

King Harkinian: My boy, this peace is what all true warriors strive for.

Link: I just wonder what Ganon is up to.

Gwonam: Your Majesty, Ganon and his minions have seized the island of Koridai.

King Harkinian: Hmm... How can we help?

Gwonam: It is written: "Only Link can defeat Ganon."

Link: Great! I'll grab my stuff!

Gwonam: There is no time. Your sword is enough.

Link: How about a kiss? For luck.

Zelda: You've got to be kidding.

Gwonam: Squadala! We're off!

Link: Wow, what are all those heads?

Gwonam: These are the Faces of Evil. You must conquer each.

Link: I guess I'd better get going.

Gwonam: Here is the map. Where do you wish to go?

Morshu: Lamp oil, rope, bombs - you want it, it's yours, my friend, as long as you have enough Rubies. Sorry, Link. I can't give credit. Come back when you're a little- mmmm... - richer.

Hamsha: Help! Ganon froze the fountain! I'm stuck!

Anutu: Biggest crab I ever caught. Heh heh!

Link: It's a Gohma!

Anutu: You're pretty good. Here!

Link: Thanks!

Anutu: Keep going, boy; you're doing real well! Once you get rid of Ganon, we can get back to fishing!

Fish Lady: Dairas came straight from the crater 'til I boarded the vent. Used a skull for a latch and not one Daira's figured it out!

Aypo: I am the reader, Aypo. If you bring me the Book of Koridai, I will gladly read the secret verse.

Alora: You're not afraid of dragons, are you?

Link: Of course not!

Alora: Then get my necklace back from Gleeok, okay? Pretty please?

Horgum: Gets mighty dark with all the evil about. Keep this lantern full; it will light your way.

Link: Thanks!

Horgum: Not many left, Link. There's Droolik, 'round the side of Glutko.

Gwonam: Look what has happened!

Ganon: In the darkest nightmare hour, when not moon nor sun has risen, I take Zelda in my power, I shall keep her in my prison.

Fairy 1: You're doing great, Link.

Fairy 2: You're our hero. Here's a Life Heart. We know you can beat Ganon.

Fairy 1: You're doing great, Link.

Fairy 2: You're our hero. Here's some Water of Life. Drink, Link.

Crone: I may be old and ugly, but I still know a few tricks. Bring some Grapple Berries. I'll show you a good one. Stir the berries in the tub, let the juices soak the glove, let Link fight and never cower, for his glove's a glove of power.

Link: Wow, thanks!

Alora: How sweet! My husband gave me this. He's an Abominom now. Here. It's not much, but it will still carry water.

Hamsha: Here, have some Water of Life. My, you're thirsty. Oh, my goodness!

Suprena: Before you face the foul fiend, Ganon, you must conquer Fortress Centrum, where the treasure of death is hidden. Bring it to me. Begone.

Link: Hey Zelda, wake up!

Goronu (disguised as Zelda): What? Link? You've saved me!

Goronu: You can't kill me! No! No! Nooooo!

Suprena: This shield both sword and spear deflects, but cannot stop the vilest curse. This crystal makes the shield reflect, cursing the curser with twice the curse.

Gwonam: Look and see Goronu.

Goronu: Wake up, sleepy-bones! Find the living and cut their vile throats. Huh huh huh huh! I may be hideous, but after a year of being frozen, you will beg to join me. Huh huh!

Goronu: You can't kill me! No! No! Nooooo!

Gwonam: See how Harlequin captures Koridians?

Voice: You lose.

Harlequin: *snort* Do you know what it means when you lose your last Ruby? *snort* Now you work for me! *snort* Take him away! *snort*

Harlequin: I'd say your chances are a million to none. But let's have fun, anyway!

Harlequin: Aaaaahhhhh! Ahhhh... Lucky shot.

Link: Golly!

Odranoel: The stars are made of ice. Thus the night is cold. Bring the crystal from Serigon, and I will prove the light of ice penetrates more than fire. Now if we make a simple vacuum and spin the ice just so... There!

Gwonam: Look how Militron makes his warriors!

Militron: Worthless Koridian! You must be hardened with fire! Go and kill!

Militron: Feel the fire of war!

Militron: Oh my goodness, this is awful!

Blacksmith's Daughter: My hero! Won't you please jump across that little ol' chasm and cut my daddy's chains? Pretty please? Have a heart.

Blacksmith: Please, Link. Jump and cut these chains. The Arpagos are driving me crazy. Thanks. Say, you have a Fire Diamond, don't you?

Link: Sure!

Blacksmith: Then let me fix your sword. Let's see how it works.

Link: Wow!

Droolik: Where are you heading, partner?

Link: I'm going to fight Glutko.

Droolik: Don't fight him, feed him! Something spicy - know what I mean?

Gwonam: Through the eye of Glutko lies the Shrine of Koridai.

Glutko: I'm simply famished!

Koridian: Nooo!

Glutko: Tastes like a Daira! Perhaps just one more?

Glutko: Oh, goodie! Mashed Link for the main course!

Glutko: Uh-oh!

Aypo: Listen: "Such is the power of the prince of darkness, that he can kill with a single look. Attacks against Ganon will prove fruitless, unless Link attacks with the secret book."

Gwonam: Consider Lupay, the most dangerous of Ganon's minions.

Lupay: With this Ruby, I replace your soul. You will obey!

Harlequin: Now you see me, now you don't!

Harlequin: Aaaaahhhhh! Ahhhh... Lucky shot.

Link: Golly!

Lupay: I spy with my eye someone who must die!

Lupay: I will not die!

Gwonam: At last, you have the vision to find my house! Now you will see the Sancromies that prevent your approach to Ganon. Go, with many blessings!

Militron: Now, you must die!

Militron: Oh my goodness, this is awful!

Ganon: Join me, Link, and I will make your face the greatest in Koridai. Or else you will die!

Ganon: No! Not into the pit! It burns!

Zelda: Ah... Why'd you do that?

Link: I just saved you from Ganon!

Zelda: You did not!

Gwonam: Well done, Link! Ganon is once again imprisoned. Come! Look! Already Koridai is returning to harmony. The birds are singing. Isn't it beautiful?

Link: Golly!

Gwonam: As it is written: You, Link, are the hero of Koridai!

Link: I guess that's worth a kiss, huh?

Zelda: Huh!

Link: I won!

[annoyingfurry]

Link: The Faces of Evil

Link: The Faces of Evil (Zelda) CD-I cut-scenes transcription

The names were taken from http://www.zeldawiki.org/Characters_in_Link:_The_Faces_of_Evil

= Begin =

Link (L): Gee, it sure is boring around here.

The King (K): My boy. This peace is what all warriors strive for.

L: I just wonder what Ganon is up to.

Gwonam: Your majesty. Ganon [gænʌn] and his minions have seized the islands of Koridai.

K: Hmm... How can we help?

G: It is written: only Link can defeat Ganon.

L: Great! I'll grab my stuff!

G: There is no time; your sword is enough.

L: How about a kiss... For luck?

Zelda (Z): You've got to be kidding.

G: Squadila! [squa.dɪ.la] We're off!

L: Wow! What are all those heads?

G: These are the faces of evil. You must conquer each.

L: I guess I better get going.

G: Here! ...Is the map. Where do you wish to go?

Morshu: Lamp oil, rope, bombs? You want it? It's yours, my friend, as long as you have enough rubies.

Morshu: Sorry, Link. I can't give credit. Come back when you a little... Mmm. Richer!

Frozen women: Help! Ganon froze the fountain; I'm stuck!

FW: Here, have some Water of Life.

L: (Gulp, gulp, gulp!)

FW: My, you're thirsty! Oh my goodness!

Fisherman: Biggest crab I ever caught. Heh-heh!

L: It's a Goma!

Fisherman: Yeah, pretty good. Here!

L: Thanks!

Fisherman: Keep going, boy. You're doing real well. Once you get rid of Ganon, we can get back to fishing.

Fish Lady: Dairas [daɪras] came straight from the crater 'ill I boarded the vent. Used a skull for a latch and not one Dairas figured it out.

Ipo: I am the reader Ipo [aɪ.poʊ]. If you bring me the book of Koridai, I will gladly read the secret verse.

Fat (seductive) woman: You're not afraid of dragons. Are you?

L: (Gulp.) Of course not.

Fat woman: Then get my necklace back from Gleeok [gli.ɑk]. Okay? Pretty please?

Old (yellow coat) man: It's [dɛθs] mighty dark with all the evil about. Keep this lantern full. It will light your way.

L: Thanks!

Old man: Not many left, Link. There's Druick [druɪk] 'round the side of Glutko [glʌt.goʊ]. Aye.

G: Look! What has happened!

Ganon: In the darkest nightmare hour, when the moon nor sun has risen, I take Zelda in my power. I shall keep her in my prison.

Ganon: Join me, Link! And I will make your face greatest in Koridai or else you will die!

Ganon: No! Not into the pit! It burns!

Fairy 1: You're doing great, Link!

Fairy 2: You're our hero.

F1: Here's a Life Heart.

F2: We know you can beat Ganon.

F1: You're doing great, Link!

F2: You're our hero.

F1: Here's some Water of Life.

F2: Drink, Link!

Old (ugly) witch: I may be old and ugly, but, I still know a few tricks! Bring some grapple-berries. I'll show you a good one.

Old witch: Stir the berries in the tub. Let the juices soak the glove. Let Link fight and gather cower. For his glove's a glove of power.

L: Wow! Thanks!

Fat woman: How sweet. (Kisses) Muah. My husband gave me this. He's an [abɒmɪnʌm][?] now. Here. It's not much, but, it will still carry water.

Ice queen: Before you face the foul fiend Ganon, you must conquer Fortress Centrum [sɛn.trʌm]. Treasure of death is hidden. Bring it to me. Be gone.

IQ: This shield, both sword and spear deflects, but, cannot stop the villainous curse. This crystal makes the shield reflect cursing the curser with twice the curse.

G: Look! And see Goronu.

Goronu: Wake up, sleepy bones. I'm the living anti cut ner vial throats. Bwuh-ha-ha...

Goronu: I may be hideous, but, after a year of being frozen, you will beg to join me.

L: Hey, Zelda. Wake up!

Goronu [goroʊnu]: What? Link? You saved me!

Goronu: You can't kill me! No, no, no...!

G: See how Harliquin [harlɪqwɪn] capture Koridians?

Computer: You lose.

Koridian: (Sniffles)

Harliquin: Do you know what it means when lose your last ruby?! (Snort.) Now you will work for me! (Snort.) Take him away! (Snort.)

Harliquin: I say your chances are a million to none, but, let's have fun! Anyway!

Harliquin: Now you see me. Now you don't!

Harliquin: Ah! Ah-ha... Lucky shot...

L: Golly!

Astronomer: The stars are made of ice. Thus, the night is cold. Bring the crystal from Sairagon [sɛrɑgɔn] and I will prove the light of ice penetrate more than fire.

Astronomer: Now, if we make a simple vacuum and spin the ice just so. There!

G: Look! ...How Militron [mɪlɪtrɒn] makes his warriors.

Militron: Worthless Koridian. You must be hardened with fire! Go and kill!

Militron: Feel the fire of war!

Militron: Now, you must die!

Militron: Oh my goodness! This is awful!

Fat Girl: My hero! (Kiss) Won't you

L: Oh, God...

FG: ---please jump across that lil' old chasm---

L: Yuck...

FG: ---and cut my daddy's chains? Pretty please? Have a heart.

Smith: Please, Link. Jump and cut these chains. The Arpagos [ɑrpagʌs] are driving me crazy.

Smith: Thanks. Say, you have a Fire Diamond, don't you?

L: Sure!

Smith: Then let me fix your sword. Let's see how it works.

L: Wow!

Beer guy: What are you're havin' partner? [pɑrtə]

L: I'm going to fight Glutko.

BG: Don't fight him; feed him! (Snort.) Feed him something spicy! Know what I mean?

G: Through the eye of Glutko lies the shrine of Koridai.

Glutko: Awm-yee. I'm simply famished.

Koridian: No!

Glutko: Mmm. Tastes like a Daira [daɪra]! Perhaps just one more?

Glutko: Good goodie! Mashed Link for the main course.

Glutko: Wuh-oh!

Ipo: Listen! Such is the power of the prince of darkness that he can kill with a single look. Attacks against Ganon will prove fruitless unless Link attacks with the sacred book.

G: Consider Lupay [lupeɪ], the most of Ganon's minions.

Lupay: With this ruby, I replace your soul. You will obey.

Koridan: Ah-woo-ooh... Aw-woo-ooh.

Lupay: I spy with my eye, someone who must die.

Lupay: I will not die! Ah-woo...

G: At last, you have the vision to find me house! Now, you will see the san kru mis that [?] prevent your approach to Ganon. Go, with many blessings!

Z: Uh. Why'd you do that?

L: I just saved you from Ganon!

Z: You did not!

G: Well done, Link! Ganon is once again imprisoned. Come, look! Already Koridai is returing to harmony. The birds are singing. Is it beatiful?

L: Golly!

G: As it written, you, Link, are the hero of Koridai!

L: I guess that's worth a kiss? Huh?

Z: Ha!

L: I won!

= End =

[poppyseed799]

MY NEW LIFE SERVER WITH MY SIBLINGS ALL DEATHS AND NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES SO FAR

100Cat (my older sister) and I exploring the catacombs. I (a bee) get cornered by a skeleton with a sword and have to hold up my shield at half a heart waiting for my sister to save me. She comes and kills the skeleton and I’m safe! I say “wow that was a close one I’m glad I didn’t die” as I eat food, zombie comes completely out of nowhere we have one second to react before it kills me. Laughter ensues.

Shortly after previous death, with 100Cat (phoenix) alone in the catacombs, suddenly a BUNCH of zombies show up as well and she dies as I am now a Guardian (fish) so I cannot go back in there to help her.

We are now a Guardian and a Crab but we haven’t died again yet so that’s good. I’ve had many near death experiences as a Guardian tho. Here they are.

Tried to kill the cows in the cow pen with a knife. It did no damage, I fall in the pen and continue trying to stab the cow, no damage dealt. (After further testing, I realize this is because the weakness on land makes me do -4 damage and the knife I was using did less than that). Start suffocating from lack of water. Try to leave pen. Cows are in the way. Finally leave pen and jump into water at half a heart. Does not talk about it.

My sister made a bikini and crocs which if you wear them boost your swim speed. My swim speed was already naturally faster since I am a guardian, so she tells me to put them on and see how fast I go. The answer? Really really fast. It’s not even the full set. I decide to leave the beach and explore the jungle a bit. Find a big hole. Need to breathe, so I try to place water next to me, but the leaves are waterlogged. Panic and try to find a place without leaves to put water, fall out of tree closer to the hole. Place some water against the wall, but my swim speed is so fast due to the bathing suit that I slip out and fall straight into the hole. Zombies and skeletons chase me. I try to shield but I am already suffocating and the fall damage plus skeleton arrows is making me at like one heart. I manage to run to the wall of the cave and place water (I forgot to mention at some point I also managed to switch my armor back on) before I die (it was REALLY close I remember saying I was gonna die so confidently but like that doesn’t mean you stop trying and it paid off). Shield and thankfully water pushes zombies away (I think I killed the skeleton in the panic) so I manage to recover and kill the zombies. Go back to the beach and give my sister the bikini and crocs back.

There’s honestly many more times I’ve almost died (that’s just life as a Merling type origin trying to be on land without respiration enchants or water breathing potions) but they aren’t as interesting. For now OUR OTHER, YOUNGER SISTER (Sky) JOINED THE SERVER! We couldn’t all play at once (only 2 computers) and Cat and I were away from home on an adventure so she had to follow my waypoints to find our base all on her own.

Sky dies many times on her way to our base. Mostly because when she joined the server it was night time and a thunderstorm (minecraft servers when new players join them fr). She ends up with 2 lives left on Sugar Crazed origin (one I made! She really liked it and wanted to stay as it which made me happy)

On her second to last life (we’re gonna give her lives back it’s no fun keeping all those unfortunate deaths when we’re trying to have fun) she makes it to our base. She decides to go exploring. She finds a village. It’s getting late irl so I decide to go to bed. I consider telling her “don’t die” but I figure she’ll stay safe, I mean she’s just in a village and will probably log off soon. I go to the bathroom before going to bed. While I’m in the bathroom I hear Sky enter the bedroom and say “I died 😢”. Apparently she tried to jump off a cliff and land in water and failed. BRUH. We stop playing for the night.