#(; writer's mail. )

[lizzieolseniskinda]

LOGAN HOWLETT - distracted

x FEM!ADHD!reader (POC!friendly) - MASTERLIST

SUMMARY: based on this request

WORD COUNT: 2586

GENRE: fluff

CONTENT WARNING: logan calls reader kid, english isn’t my first language & i TRIED to write ADHD as well as i could, i’m sorry if it’s not accurate & NOT proofread

the soft sound of grunts echoed around you as jean led the training session. you stood in the middle of the simulated battlefield, focusing on jean's voice as she guided you and the rest of the team through coordinated drills. or at least, you tried to focus.

“ready when you are,” jean said, her voice calm and confident.

it had been a solid start—dodging incoming projectiles, using your abilities with precision—but all of that derailed when you felt a faint pop. you glanced down, and there it was: a small tear at the seam of your tactical vest. barely noticeable to anyone else, but to you, it might as well have been a flashing neon sign screaming for attention.

you tugged at the edge of the rip, biting your lip as you ran through worst-case scenarios. what if it tore more? what if someone saw it and thought you were careless?

“focus!” jean’s calm yet commanding tone broke through your spiraling thoughts.

you gave her a nod, flexing your fingers. you could do this. just focus. trying to shake it off, your eyes kept darting back to the tear. every step, every move felt like it made the rip worse. you tried to keep up with the training, pretending nothing was wrong, but your mind was stuck on it, looping through the problem like a scratched record.

you glanced down at it for just a second, running your fingers over the rip. you told yourself it was fine, just a cosmetic issue, nothing that would affect the training. but your mind didn’t let it go. what if it got worse? what if it ripped open completely during a mission? what if—

jean seemed to notice.

“eyes up!” her voice snapped you out of your thoughts as a telekinetic blast whizzed past your shoulder. you jumped, barely dodging in time.

“sorry!” you blurted, forcing yourself back into the fight. she didn’t seem to notice your slip, but your movements were clumsy, your reactions delayed. you couldn’t stop sneaking glances at the tear, couldn’t stop fidgeting with it when jean wasn’t looking.

by the time jean called for a break, your fingers were already fidgeting with the tear, trying to tug it closed. you stayed behind, sitting on the edge of a bench and staring at the seam. it wasn’t the tear itself that was bothering you anymore—it was why it was bothering you. why couldn’t you just let it go? why did your mind latch onto things like this and refuse to let them go, especially when there were more important things to focus on?

you tugged at the rip absentmindedly, frustration bubbling under your skin. this was why you always messed up. why you never felt good enough, no matter how hard you tried.

you didn’t hear logan approach until his gruff voice pulled you back.

“somethin’ on your mind, kid?”

you startled, looking up to find him leaning casually against a nearby wall, arms crossed. his piercing gaze scanned your face like he was piecing together a puzzle.

“err, no,” you stammered, stuffing your hands into your pockets. “i’m fine. just tired.”

he raised a brow, clearly unconvinced, but didn’t push. “uh-huh.”

you turned away quickly, hoping to avoid further scrutiny. the last thing you wanted was logan—or anyone—seeing how much a stupid tear in your vest was throwing you off.

the break ended, and the rest of the training session crawled by in a blur. you managed to hold it together—barely—but your focus was nowhere near where it should’ve been. every time you moved, the tear in your vest tugged at your thoughts.

as soon as jean dismissed the group, you bolted for the elevator, clutching the offending garment close. your room was a refuge of controlled chaos—books stacked haphazardly, notebooks scattered across the desk, and little knick-knacks you’d picked up on missions or thrift stores lining the shelves.

you tossed the vest on the bed, grabbing a needle and thread from your cluttered desk drawer. fixing it was easy enough; you’d patched up gear plenty of times before. but as you threaded the needle, your gaze landed on a book sitting on the corner of your desk.

it was one you’d been meaning to finish for weeks. the cover was dog-eared, the spine well-worn, and you’d left it open to a chapter you were desperate to read. “just one page,” you told yourself, setting the needle and vest down.

one page turned into three. then ten.

the world outside melted away as you dove into the story, your thoughts consumed by the characters and their struggles. time slipped by unnoticed. the stress from training, the vest, and the upcoming mission all faded into the background.

by the time you came up for air, the sky outside your window had deepened to twilight. you blinked, disoriented, before your eyes landed on the vest still crumpled on your bed.

“crap!” you muttered, scrambling to grab it.

but before you could, your comm buzzed from the desk. scott’s voice crackled through the speaker, gruff and impatient.

“mission briefing in five. don’t be late.”

you groaned, running a hand through your hair. there was no time now to fix the tear. you pulled the vest on anyway, your stomach twisting. the rip felt bigger somehow, though you knew that was impossible.

still, the thought lingered, gnawing at the edges of your mind as you headed to the briefing room.

the mission was supposed to be straightforward—recon and retrieval, in and out. no drama. you tried to reassure yourself of that as you stood in the shadows outside the dimly lit warehouse, logan and the others spread out along the perimeter. but the familiar pull of the rip in your vest was like a splinter in your mind, sharp and insistent.

“focus, y/n,” logan’s voice growled through the comms. “this ain’t a solo gig. stick to your part.”

“got it,” you replied quickly, trying to sound confident. you tightened the straps on your vest, hoping the rip wouldn’t get worse.

inside the warehouse, the air was stale and filled with the hum of machines. you moved cautiously, scanning for hostiles while sticking to the plan. you role was clear: neutralize threats while the others handled the retrieval.

but things went south fast.

one of the guards—a hulking man nearly twice your size—spotted you before you could take cover. you barely had time to react before he lunged, swinging a heavy pipe. you dodged clumsily, your mind splitting between the fight and the nagging feeling that your vest wasn’t holding up.

it didn’t.

with a sharp rip, the seam tore further, exposing part of your side. the sound hit you like a gong, drowning out the chaos around you. panic set in, fast and unrelenting.

your punches became erratic, your movements slower, as your mind fixated on the tear. he’s gonna see it. they’re all gonna see it. why didn’t you just fix it earlier?

the guard capitalized on your distraction, grabbing your vest and throwing you hard against a stack of crates. pain shot through your back, but worse than the impact was the feeling of your vest tearing almost completely away.

your breathing quickened. the mission. the others. you couldn’t let them down, but you couldn’t focus.

“y/n, what’s your status?” scotts’s voice came through the comms, sharp with concern.

“holding steady,” you lied, forcing yourself to stand. the guard charged again, and you stumbled, barely dodging his next attack.

the man lunged at you, his heavy boots thundering against the floor as he swung a crowbar toward your head. you ducked, narrowly avoiding the blow, and countered with a hard jab to his ribs. he grunted but didn’t falter.

“come on,” you muttered to yourself, circling him cautiously, your hands raised in defense.

he charged again, and this time, you sidestepped, landing a kick to the back of his knee. he stumbled, but instead of falling, he spun and slammed his forearm into your chest. the impact sent you skidding backward, your breath hitching as your shoulder hit a wall.

panic flickered in your chest, but you forced it down. the mission couldn’t fall apart now.

you darted forward, faking left before driving your knee into his stomach. he doubled over with a sharp gasp, giving you just enough time to grab the back of his head and slam it against your knee. the force sent him sprawling to the ground, motionless.

panting, you stepped back, your hands trembling slightly. he wasn’t moving. he had to be out cold.

but even as you told yourself that, your fingers drifted to your vest. the tear was bigger now, the edges fraying worse than before. it was like an itch you couldn’t ignore, and despite the danger, you dropped to a crouch and began tugging at the seam, trying to force it back together.

you didn’t notice the man’s hand twitch.

didn’t see him push himself up, his face twisted with rage, until it was too late.

just as he lunged, his fist swinging toward your head, you froze, the world narrowing to the moment—too slow to react, too late to defend yourself.

but then, a flash of red.

“get down!”

scott summers was suddenly in front of you, shoving you hard to the side just as the man’s fist sailed past where your head had been. the blow glanced off scott’s shoulder, but he didn’t so much as flinch.

“you call this holding steady?” scott snapped, positioning himself between you and the guard.

he retaliated with a precise punch to the guard jaw, followed by a sweeping kick that sent him crashing back to the ground. this time, scott didn’t leave anything to chance. his visor glowed as he fired a controlled optic blast at the ground near the man’s feet, ensuring he stayed down.

“are you serious right now?” Scott turned, his voice tight with frustration. “you were just sitting there while he got back up? what were you thinking?”

your chest tightened, shame flooding you as you scrambled to your feet. “i—i thought he was out—”

“we don’t have time for this, y/n!”

you opened your mouth to defend yourself but found you couldn’t. he wasn’t wrong.

so, you just nodded, your face burning as you trailed behind him.

the jet was quiet on the ride back to the mansion. scott sat at the front, running a hand through his hair as he summarized the mission for the team.

“intel secured, no casualties,” he said, his voice calm but edged with tension. “not bad, all things considered. good work, everyone.”

the others nodded, relieved, but you couldn’t bring yourself to join in. you sat in one of the side seats, staring blankly at the floor, your thoughts circling like a storm.

scott glanced back at you briefly, and though he didn’t say anything, the flicker of disappointment in his eyes was unmistakable.

you sank deeper into your seat, your arms folded tightly across your chest. the words no casualties echoed in your head, but they didn’t feel comforting. the mission had been successful, but all you could think about was how close you’d come to messing everything up.

the mission was successful, sure. but it didn’t feel that way. not to you. all you could think about was how close you’d come to blowing it—to getting yourself or someone else hurt because you couldn’t stay focused.

your fingers toyed with the ruined seam of your vest as the memories played on a loop. the guard’s fist, scott’s shout, the shame you felt as he pushed you out of the way.

logan sat across from you, his arms crossed, eyes narrowed as he watched you in silence. you could feel his gaze, but you avoided it, staring out the jet’s window instead.

when the jet touched down at the x-mansion, the others disembarked quickly, eager to shed their mission gear and move on. you lingered, pretending to fuss with your seatbelt until the hangar was nearly empty.

as you stood to leave, logan’s gruff voice stopped you in your tracks.

“hold up.”

you froze, your stomach twisting. he leaned against the side of the jet, his sharp gaze locked on you.

“what the hell’s goin’ on with you, kid?” he asked, his voice low but firm.

you shook your head, trying to brush it off. “nothing. i’m fine.”

“fine?” Logan snorted, straightening up. “that’s what you call freezin’ in the middle of a fight and damn near gettin’ yourself killed?”

“you’re off your game.”

his words hit like a punch to the gut, and you dropped your gaze to the floor. “i... i didn’t mean to. i just… i couldn’t stop thinking about it.”

“thinkin’ about what?”

you hesitated, your fingers curling into fists. “the vest,” you admitted, barely above a whisper. “it ripped during training, and i-” you took a breath, making sure to swallow any tear that was threatening to slip down your eyes.

“i couldn’t stop obsessing over it. i know it’s stupid, okay? but it just… it wouldn’t leave my head.”

logan sighed heavily, running a hand through his hair. “you think i care about some damn vest?”

“no,” you said quickly, your voice cracking. “but it’s not just the vest, logan. it’s everything. my brain just—won’t shut up sometimes. it jumps from one thing to the next, and i can’t keep up. and then i mess up, and everyone’s mad, and…” you trailed off, tears stinging your eyes as you looked away.

logan’s expression softened. he stepped closer, his hand resting gently on your shoulder. “y/n,” he said, his voice quieter now, “you think you’re the only one who screws up? hell, i’ve made more mistakes than i can count, and some of ’em were a hell of a lot worse than this.”

you blinked up at him, surprised by the raw honesty in his tone.

“but you’re still here,” logan continued, “still standin’. you’re not gonna get everything right all the time. no one does. the important thing is you get back up and keep goin’.”

you shook your head, tears pricking at your eyes. “i almost got myself killed. if scott hadn’t been there—”

“but he was,” logan interrupted, his tone firm. “that’s why we’re a team, kid. we cover for each other.”

you swallowed hard, the lump in your throat easing slightly as his words sank in.

“and next time somethin’s messin’ with your head,” he added, tapping a finger lightly against your temple, “you talk to someone about it. don’t let it eat away at you. got it?”

you nodded, a small smile breaking through despite yourself. “got it.”

“good.” logan gave your shoulder a firm squeeze before letting go. “now go get some rest. you earned it.”

as you headed toward the exit, the weight on your chest felt a little lighter. the vest was still ruined, and the mission hadn’t been perfect, but his words stayed with you. you made it through, and for now, that was enough.

the warmth in his words broke through the wall of self-doubt you’d been building. you let out a shaky breath, nodding.

“thanks,” you whispered.

“don’t mention it,” he replied, his tone lightening as logan gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “now, let’s get back. i’m starvin’, and i ain’t lettin’ you off dinner duty that easy.”

you managed a small smile, the weight on your chest lifting just a little.

[satangcrush]

sorry into obey me and would like to know who are some good fanfic writers that you recommend?

there are a lot in the fandom! ill try my best to recc some to you based on different categories:

sfw:

- @lucifersdickriderdotnet : if you are a lucifer fan and you would like to dive more into the brothers’ relationship! bee is a really great writer as well and you won’t have any regrets checking out her fics 🥹 these are my favs: link, link, link (this is x reader but still recc this bc I love it) (bee please create a masterlist i was dying linking everything)

- @romcomeon (x reader): eden is very good at concepts! they have a variety of fics for you to choose for; (my big personal fav is their solomon zombie fic) and I love that they’re always experimenting with different universes and putting the characters in them, you can find their masterlist here

- @fandoms-x-reader (x reader): they’re always writing about a variety of situations in the obey me universe! this is mainly the whole cast, so if this is your vibe, you can check them out :> linked their masterlist here!

- @sakkajagga (x reader): love love love their writing so much. you won’t regret checking them out. this is their sfw obey me masterlist ; highly suggest reading all of their simeon fanfics because they just do the angel justice

- @beels-burger-babe (x reader) : they have a variety of works on their page but my personal favs is their teen mc which you can find here

- @lost-in-lamentation (x reader) : this is my fav from her and you can find her masterlist here

- @fickleminder (x reader; mostly sfw with some suggestive) : if you are a satan lover, this is the user for you lol, this is FM’s masterlist here and my personal fav is this (love the comedy here lmao)

nsfw (minors pls dni ok):

- @mammonsrockstargf (x reader): alba has a way with words that just draws you in with her writing 🫡 you can find her masterlist here (personal fav is solomon 700 wives LOL)

- @another-lost-mc (x reader & world-building + ocs): love love love jes’s works. you won’t regret checking out her whole masterlist fr, also what I love about jes is that she takes what is given in canon and expands greatly on them. so if you like world building / reading about ppl’s ocs, she’s a great one to check out!

- @onyourowndaisymae (x reader): you can find daisy’s masterlist here and this is my personal fav, Solomon’s bunny service ;;;;;;;; (don’t perceive me thank u) daisy is also really good at characterising the characters and it shows through her writing, this is one of my fav for lucifer

- @misc-obeyme (x reader & ships): love CC’s writing so much, this is their masterlist and this is my favourite 🫡🫡🫡 (do NOT perceive me again.) they also don’t just do x reader, they also do some ships (etc barbatos x mammon, if that interests you!)

-

also if you don’t mind NSFW, I recommend that you go through my tag : #satangfavs (pls click on the tag below bc idk how to link it on mobile LOL) because these are some of my favs that ive read in the fandom <3

and also lastly, there are just so many good writers in the fandom that it’s absolutely impossible to condense all into a single post (I was actually dying linking everything LOL 😭 had to stop for my own sake). I may make another follow up to this if ure still interested :> (u can tell me more abt ur criteria and ill try to cater to it lmao)

anddd with that, I hope you enjoy reading everything!

edit #1: since this is getting traction, im going to promote myself here shamelessly too 🤗 pspspspspsppspsps i have a writing blog over at @satanghulu <3 thank you for reading 🫵

edit #2: check out the reblogs for more reccs too!!! thank u very much 👍

Edit #3: another anon asked for more reccs, so this is another post tada!!!!!!!!!! Yippee bye

[neuro-psyche]

hc that jason todd loves 90s romcom movies. The fairy tale ending and the simplicity of it all is 100% one of his guilty pleasures.

i feel like You’ve Got Mail is def one of his favorites. the references to pride and prejudice sold him on it. sure, he doesn’t like how Joe put Christine out of business, fuck late stage capitalism, but still.

Roy def showed up at (broke into) one of his safe houses while Jason was watching 4 Weddings and a Funeral and it went like :

Jason, sobbing during the funeral scene : What the fuck are you doing here.

Roy, already taking a photo for blackmail : Why the fuck are you crying.

Jason : I’m watching four weddings and a funeral.

Roy : What the hell is that.

Jason, already rewinding : Sit your ass down.

-Later-

Roy, sobbing violently during the funeral scene : He was his song, dude!

Jason, also sobbing violently despite having seen this movie hundreds of times : This scene never gets any easier.

Roy : We will never speak of this.

Jason : Speak on it and your body will end up in the river.

Roy : Agreed. Now shut up the movie is going.

also dick 100% watches the movies with him. they also both watch 10 things I hate about you and sob.

[tea-cat-arts]

Actually, I hope Jiaoqiu stays blind (at least for a couple years in our time) and just bullies the Xianzhou alliance into inventing disability aids and treating disabled people better

[gojuo]

the absolute last and final scene we get from gojo is a depressing conversation about how people are gonna forget him when he's gone .... okay

[pnfc]

i haint watched the dang chibisode and idk if ill actually watch it with sound on sdfjk but i have a hurt feeling about them casually imbuing perry with speech for a one off gag because the idea that he needs to talk to communicate is fake. we had 4 seasons of wacky magic hijinks cartoon where perry never needed verbal speech to communicate. they couldve done this gag at any point in the show but they didn't, and the fact that they didn't felt significant. perry's muteness is such a core part of his character, to me, to the way i conceive of him/write him. i don't wanna overreact to a goofy little side cartoon (even tho i'm doing it anyway) but it's still the characters, and it still upsets me! ok that's it i've said my piece

[easy-revenge]

is this too niche?

[scoobydoodean]

ok so I deeply love and respect your thoughts on supernatural because the majority of them line up with what I've been thinking for years but you said something the other day that I keep turning over in my brain and it was something along the lines of carver liking dean more than sam - I know you're in the middle of rewatching s4 but I would love to hear you expound on that (if you have time) because I remember being in the fandom while carvernatural was airing and it was pretty much when the deangirl exodus started. in fact I think people tore into him worse than dabb even 😭

feel free to hold onto this until later when you start the carver seasons if you wish :)

<3 I'll go ahead and answer this one, because it's more of a "broad strokes" thing for me, and I've been rewatching very slowly (on purpose) so that could be a very long wait.

This is so funny because I can just picture Sam fans reading it and turning red and their blood boiling with the fire of a thousand suns but the TL;DR is that season 8-11 (Carver era) broad strokes to me are:

Sam sucks and is a worse brother and person than Dean.

Sam spends the first two seasons of Carver's run thinking he's a better person than Dean anyway and then the second two knowing he sucks, deciding to embrace his moral flexibility to keep Dean alive no matter the cost, and trying to mend things.

Dean is circled by many potential suitors who also in a sense represent Sam replacements because Sam sucks: Benny, Cas, Crowley, and Amara.

Dean knows that Sam sucks and part of him wants to get tf away from him very badly but another part of him feels guilty for wanting that. Family is suffering. Family is a chain around your neck keeping you tied to them via guilt. (Demon Dean represents the desire for escape, as does Amara).

Everybody wants to be with Dean, be Dean, and/or be loved by Dean. Dean is love. Dean is the world. Dean is the reason for existing. Everybody is lovesick about him. Sam is just there.

Sam needs to stop blaming Dean for so many things and learn to own his own choices.

That was fun to write down.

Longer commentary/explanation below the cut.

Season 8 (Carver's first season) literally begins with a Sam character assassination. It begins with us learning that Sam knowingly left Kevin to spend the rest of his life kidnapped and tortured without even telling a soul what happened to him. Not only did he abandon Dean and Cas as well but he didn't even look for them, and refuses to give a satisfying answer as to why.

Season 8 Sam's abandonment as distinct from previous behavior

I have had people this year who I love and respect tell me they don't view this as a character assassination and say they believe this is in character for Sam. I simply do not agree with that. I talk about this as it relates to Kevin here.

Sam has displayed selfishness and a big ego at many points in the series up to season 8. He's told a lot of lies (sometimes to the point of gaslighting), he's gone behind Dean's back to do things that affect Dean's life, he's taken traumatic experiences Dean opened up to him about and ultimately harmed Dean with them, he's shown resentments and anger, he's displayed jealousy, he's displayed a sense of superiority. He has never abandoned his brother to die without even trying. The Sam of season 3 would eviscerate season 8 Sam for this.

Sometimes Sam says and does things he shouldn't, but his crimes do not include "abandoning Dean to die without even looking for him" up to season 8. Many of his crimes happen at least partly because he really really doesn't want Dean to die or is desperate to save his life. He lets go of his anger at John and returns to make sure Dean is safe in 1.11. He refuses to give up and finds a way to save Dean in 1.12. In 1.22, he's willing to put John's life at risk for revenge, but in 2.01 he gets into an outright screaming match with John in the hospital under the belief that John's prioritizing the demon over Dean. Sam spends all of season 3 raging and angst-ing about not being able to save Dean to the point of considering and doing some shady as hell things/abandoning some of his more stalwart moral stances (3.05, 3.11, 3.15, 3.16). Dean's death and later, the desire to secure his safety/future, is one of the catalysts for Sam's descent into drinking demon blood (3.09, 3.16, 4.04, 4.09, 4.12). When he dies in "Swan Song", he urges Dean to pursue a normal, safe, life because he knows that at that point in time, Dean wants to get out but has always felt trapped (2.09, 2.10, 2.20, 3.01, 4.12, 4.16). Even Soulless Sam (who isn't the same as regular Sam) tried to look for Dean in 6.09 "Clap Your Hands If You Believe"—it was simply that when leads for the night dried up, he hooked up with someone because he had nothing more to go on and in soulless Sam's head that was the reasonable thing to do. But soulless Sam also certainly isn't representative of the real Sam—the fact that he doesn't care as much is supposed to point us to differences between him and regular Sam. Season 8 opens with Sam abandoning Dean in a context that makes him arguably worse than his soulless self.

(I talk about why Sam actually abandons everyone in season 8 in a very long post here).

Season 8 and 9 more broadly

So Carver has Sam abandon Dean to die without even trying. Then he has Sam refuse to give any kind of actually reasonable explanation that makes sense to anyone who was paying attention. Then he has Sam say that he's going to leave the life and Dean needs to get over it and accept that Sam's new life will not include contact with Dean (just like his life at Stanford didn't). While saying he's going to leave, he still wants to exert control over Dean's relationships and leverages the threat of leaving (as if he were going to stay) to get Dean to shut up about Sam abandoning him and then again to try and get Dean to cut ties with Benny. He wants to kill Benny before knowing a single thing about him. He assigns someone (Martin) who he knows is mentally unstable and has a more black and white perception of monsters to track Benny and gets Martin killed. He watches Martin knock Dean unconscious and chain him up in a room and doesn't stop it because he wants Benny dead that bad, but then has the audacity to act as if Dean sending him a fake text is worse than Sam literally chaining him up in a room to prevent Sam from killing an innocent person (someone Sam would normally—btw—defend based on episodes like 2.03 and 4.04 or even a few episodes ago with Kate in "Bitten"). He tells Amelia he wants to fight for their relationship then the moment Dan says they should leave the choice to Amelia, he leaves so that it becomes his choice, and then he returns for one episode just to be a homewrecker. He insists on doing The Trials while promising to survive them and giving a big speech about how he's going to save Dean from his own suicidal ideation and then drops the promise as if it never existed two episodes later. Sam loses confidence in himself to complete The Trials and then acts like Dean is the one who doesn't believe in him because Dean is caring for him and insisting he rest and this is an unforgivable offense. At the end of the season, he basically says he's going to commit suicide because Dean has friends besides him. He acts as if he deserves to be Dean's most trusted confidant after an entire season of him being an absolutely fucking terrible brother and acts like Dean is just a big meanie whose feelings are irrational.

After all of this, he has the audacity, in season 9, to suggest that Dean is a bad person who can't stand the thought of being alone. He tells Dean he's the worst person ever and they can only be work partners from now on because Dean is so so bad and evil for stopping him from committing suicide and then not telling him about Gadreel. At the end of the season he admits this was a lie. He just wanted to punish Dean (9.23).

I can see how—if you were watching live at the time (I started watching when season 11 was airing) you'd lose hope. You'd quit the show over all of this, because it seems to go on forever. It's like torture. I would drop kick season 8 Sam into a pit full of lava without hesitation so I get it. If I believed that Carver was actually saying "Yes so true Dean is The Worst™️ and Sam is morally superior <3" for two seasons straight I'd quit the show too. But that isn't what he's saying. We're supposed to read between the lines and realize how unbelievably full of shit Sam is—how deeply selfish and hypocritical he's being. How yes—Dean has made mistakes—but Sam is NOT a better person than him and has gotten away with some absolutely rancid garbage. And season 10 and 11 go on to beat you over the head with it if you didn't get it the first time.

Season 10 and 11

Season 10 opens with this dialogue from a demon:

I heard the rumors. I said "no, that can't be." A Winchester, one of us? But it's true, isn't it? Whatever soul you had; whatever boy scout code you cuddled up to at night; it's all gone. Leaving what? Look at you!

We're meant to think she's talking about Dean who just woke up with black eyes, but then the camera cuts to Sam torturing her, demanding to know where Dean is.

In 10.03, we learn that Sam talked a man (Lester) into selling his soul so he could use him as bait. Demon Dean ends up being assigned to fulfill Lester's deal (to kill his wife for cheating on him). Dean immediately clocks Lester as having cheated on her first and kills Lester for being an insufferable hypocrite... and while he's doing it, I'm pretty sure he's also thinking of Sam's flaming hypocrisy.

SAM: I never meant— DEMON DEAN: Who cares what you meant?! That line that we thought was so clear between us and the things that we hunted, ain’t so clear is it? Wow. You might actually be worse than me! I mean, you took a guy at his lowest, used him, and it cost him his life and his soul. Nice work.

NOTE: 10.03 also recalls 4.21—an episode Sam fans have always tended to emphasize as a "Dean crime" episode where Dean risks Sam's death to force a detox. Sam does the reverse—pumping Dean full of human blood here in 10.03 and explicitly risking his death.

Sam gets Suzie killed in "The Werther Project" while searching for The Book of the Damned.

SAM I’m sorry, okay? I’m so sorry. SUZIE Lot of good “sorry” does me. Look at me. Look….at….me. [She points to her corpse.] There she is. The first casualty of your misguided mission. But what’s another human life to you? Anything’s worth it, as long as you two make it out alive. And how’s that search going? Any closer to a cure? SAM This isn’t real. You’re not real. SUZIE You think Dean’s the wild card, the loose cannon. But don’t you see? Making deals with witches, opening Pandora’s box down there? You’re the reckless one. You’ll do anything to keep clinging to that doomed brother of yours. How many more will die, Sammy? You know it. You have to be stopped. And the only one who can stop you is you!

A few episodes later, Sam orders Oskar's death for a spell to remove the Mark of Cain. I've seen hilarious posts before about how he had no choice but to do this because MoC Dean is so scawy and bad but that quite explicitly is not his motivation. They could have done so many other things. Throw him into space. Bury him in a really deep hole. Put him in something like The Cage. But Sam didn't like any of those options, because all of them meant being without his brother, and he's realized he doesn't want to be without him no matter the cost (10.18).

SAM So, awhile back, we had a chance to, um…close the gates of Hell. And in order to do that, I would’ve had to die. And, I was okay with that, and I am okay with that, but Dean was not. And so, he uh… CHARLIE He saved you. SAM Yeah, he saved me. CHARLIE And let me guess, in doing so, he did something you didn’t want, and that pissed you off. And you said something that hurt him? SAM Yeah, that sounds about right. [...] SAM You know, when Dean came to get me at school, I-I told myself… one last job, you know? One more job. And then when – when I, um…. When I lost Jess, I, again, told myself one more job. There’s always one more job, you know? And one more job, and one more job, and then I was gonna go back to law and – and to my life. CHARLIE You were the Dread Pirate Roberts of hunting. SAM Yeah. I guess I really understand now that….this is my life. I love it. But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother. And if he’s gone, then I don’t…. CHARLIE I got it. I-I do.

This all culminates in 10.23, where a very mentally unstable MoC Dean attempts to reason with Sam about them both being evil and needing to take themselves out:

DEAN: Remember when we were in that church, making Crowley human, about to close the Gates of Hell? Well, you sure as hell were ready to die for the greater good then. SAM: Yeah, and, Dean, you pulled me back. DEAN: And I was wrong. You were right, Sam. You knew that this world would be better without us in it. SAM: No, no, no, wait a second. You're twisting my words here, Dean. DEAN: Why? Because we -- we track evil and kill it? The family business? Is that it? Look at the tape, Sam. Evil tracks us. And it nukes everything in our vicinity -- our family, our friends. It's time we put a proper name to what we really are and we deal with it. SAM: Wait a second. We are not evil. Listen... We're far from perfect, but we are good. That thing on your arm is evil, but not you, not me. DEAN: I let Rudy die. How was that not evil? I know what I am, Sam. But who were you when you --when you drove that man to sell his soul... Or when you bullied Charlie into getting herself killed? And to what end? A-a good end? A just end? To remove the Mark no matter what the consequences? Sam, how is that not evil? I have this thing on my arm, and you're willing to let the Darkness into the world. SAM: You were also willing to summon death to make sure you could never do any more harm. You summoned me because you knew I would do anything to protect you. That's not evil, Dean. That's not an evil man. That is a good man crying to be heard, searching for... some other way.

Dean is saying a lot of shady shit here, but some of what he's saying... isn't wrong?

Sam is willing to let The Darkness destroy the world, and he does, and then standing in the aftermath of a town being destroyed by the force he unleashed, Sam says:

SAM: I unleashed a force on this world that could destroy it . . . to save you. DEAN: And I told you not to. SAM: And I'd do it again. In a second, I would do it again.

Thousands of people are dying and Sam says he would do it again. This post about Sam's actions versus Dean stopping Sam from closing the gates of hell is highly relevant.

Season 11 continues with Sam taking a little more responsibility for his own decisions, while praying for Dean to live (11.02):

SAM: So . . . I know it's been a long time, but . . . Dean and I, we've -- we've been through a lot of bad. But this is different. This is my fault, and I don't know how to fix it. And if I have to die, I've made my peace with that, but . . . Please. Dean deserves better. Dean deserves a life. There are people out there, good people, who are going to suffer because of me, and I am not asking you to clean up my mess. Hell, I don't even know if you're out there, but . . . If you are . . . And if you can hear me, I, um . . . We need your help, God. We need to know there's hope. We need a sign.

And then there's the VERY long-awaited apology:

SAM When I was with Lucifer, he, um... He showed me things. It was like a highlight reel of my biggest failures. DEAN Yeah, he was messing with you. That's what he does. SAM Give me a sec. I should've looked for you. When you were in Purgatory, I... I should've turned over every stone.

Family (Sam) as chains

While all of this is happening, we also have Benny and Cas and Crowley and Amara.

Benny is contrast—someone whose goodness and selfless loyalty only makes Sam's horrible flaws stand out more sharply in season 8. Under the influence of the specter, Dean says, "Benny has been more of a brother to me this past year than you have ever been" and Sam can't stand it. It haunts him so bad he tries to kill Benny, and can't get over it even after the end of the season when Benny is fucking dead. He is unable to accept that the contrast between himself and Benny is his own fault.

Crowley and Dean's flirtations begin in season 9, as Sam suffocates Dean, and at the end of the season, Crowley has literally convinced Dean to run away with him. In 10.01, there is a delightful phone call where Crowley rubs it in Sam's face that Dean is with HIM:

SAM I don't know how you did this, what kind of... Black-magic stunt you pulled, but hear me --I will save my brother or die trying. CROWLEY You know what tickles me about all this? It's what's really eating you up. You don't care that he's a demon. Heck, you've been a demon. We've all been demons. No, it's that he's with me and he's having the time of his life. You can't stand the fact that he's mine. SAM He's not your pet. CROWLEY My pet? He's my best friend, my partner in crime. They'll write songs about us, graphic novels. “The Misadventures of Growley and Squirrel." Dean Winchester completes me, and that's what makes you lose your chickens.

It's this cruel callback to Sam's jealousy of Benny and Cas in season 8—how Crowley convinced Dean to finally ditch his smothering, controlling brat of little brother who can't stand him having friends, and now Dean is having the time of his life howling at the moon. The problem is, Dean also feels a little bit like maybe Crowley wants to control him too, and that isn't working for him.

Amara in season 11 goes on to further speak on terrible brothers who think they're better than you, who leave you betrayed and diminished, who abandon you. She's raging against the concept of family as chains—she wants revenge... but all the while she's in pain because she still loves her brother. Amara's attraction to Dean is based on that commonality—what she feels is a shared experience and how she wants to cut the last remaining pieces of love she feels for her brother away so she can finally be free of the pain of him—and she doesn't care if she destroys everything—including herself—in the process. (See: Dean slowly losing his identity through the MoC arc). Sam and Dean's relationship is in rehab over this whole season though, and so Dean's role ends up being to convince Amara not to destroy herself—to instead do what Sam and Dean have done and make up and work on improving their relationship.

[apt502-if]

Fanfic writer MC being one of these writers who puts the most insane stuff in the notes at the end of the chapter.

"Sorry for this chapter being late, i moved to another country/state for my partner and got dumped on the first day there, the rest of the chapter will be on time"

LOL that is so funny

[userchai]

best writers on tumblr in 3,2,1 GO

woo- boy there’s so many good ones but I’ll just list as many as I can below! (All of these people I love dearly and they are all talented as fuck!) 💓💓 go show love to your favorite writers everyone, it means a lot!

there are so many more than this list and I am sorry if I forgot someone on here, but just know you are all talented and loved!

@loserboysandlithium @taintedcigs @xxbimbobunnyxx @babygorewhore @starkeysprincess @hellfiremunsonn @babybluebex @wroteclassicaly @melodymunson @eddiemunsonfuxks @ceriseheaven @queenofthekings @pedgito @hunter-in-the-upsidedown @watermeezer @eddiesxangel @bimbotrashcan @choke-me-eddie @taintandviolent @oneforthemunny @jamdoughnutmagician @munsonology @littlexdeaths @rebelfell @blueywrites @floredaqueen @ghost-proofbaby @nailbatanddungeon @eiightysixbaby @carolmunson @bbyhellfire @xsinfullxlover666 @hippiegoth97 @natti-ice

[lale-txt]

heartbreaking! one of your favorite artists makes fun of y/n fics!

[heckyeahponyscans]

Hello to my fellow Americans! I'm sure a lot of you, like me, feel angry and helpless about the situation in Gaza, especially since our own government is enabling a genocide by providing aid and weapons to Israel. Well, one way you can help is by contacting your congressional representatives!

Go to https://www.usa.gov/elected-officials to get a list of your elected representatives complete with their emails, their mailing address for letters, and their office phone numbers.

(Snail mail letters are most effective!)

Do not say "nothing I do matters". That is a disservice to the people of Gaza. We Americans are the ones who can most effectively put pressure on our own government. And of course we can continue to protest and boycott too. We must do everything we can.

[somewhereincairparavel]

OMG ELORA CONGRATS ON 300!! YOU DESERVE IT!!!

like you literally are one of the blogs who brought about a change of jason's perspective as a character in pjo/hoo tumblr, which now I see more of it every day, you're literally a revolutionary now

I'd like to send in a request of

pjo character x character - a day of percy and jason at percy's house (where jason finds a home with the jackson-blofises)

if that's not already requested ofc!

Omg hii!! Pooks you calling me a jason grace revolutionary is literally so flattering I'm giggling and kicking my feet ily tysm. I'm glad I brought a change in jason love in the Tumblr fandom?? Because that's the whole point of why i started my blog! My blog's duty had officially been fulfilled. thanks for participating in my event! It means a lot love!

･ﾟ࿐ ࿔*:･“Blue Cookies and found family”･ﾟ࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ

thank you @gentlehue for teaching me how to do the Tumblr gradient texts, you are literally a life saver!! Credits to @saradika for the dividers!

"You ready, man?" Percy asks as they reached the doorstep of the Jackson-blofis household.

Jason was fidgeting, indicating his nervousness, but he replied "a little".

"Don't be, my mom and Paul are great, they won't judge, I promise" Percy gave Jason a reassuring smile. He had brought Jason to meet his family because Jason didn't have anyone to go back home with from camp, and Percy thought it was a great idea to introduce him to Sally and Paul, he was sure they'd love him.

The front door creaked open revealing a weary but sweet looking Sally. "Ah Percy! You're here, I missed you, sweetie!" Sally rushed over to hug Percy, before she darted her gaze towards jason, who was timidly looking around. Percy had never seen Jason look so self conscious before. Thankfully Sally cut in by giving jason a big hug, Jason smiled, this new feeling of being hugged by a motherly figure seemed so.. rare and unusual. But it felt nice. Almost nice enough for Jason to make Ambrosia to taste like home again. Yeah, it was that kind of nice.

Paul peeked his head through from the doorway, looking elated to see Percy. "Percy! it's good to see you! And who are you?" Paul asked to Jason. "Oh um hello sir. I'm Jason Grace, a friend of Percy's, Percy has told me a lot about you, I hope it isn't a bother that I came along..." Jason replied politely, giving Paul a small smile. Paul laughed. "No no, of course not, any friend of Percy's is always welcome in this household. As long as they aren't one of those monsters in disguise claiming that they're Percy's friend and try to kill him or something" he awkwardly joked, to which Jason laughed, but Percy rolled his eyes.

"Okay, let's all go inside, and I'll get you some blue cookies that I freshly baked this morning!" Sally said, clasping her own hands excitedly. Jason has heard of Percy's famous blue food, he's even seen Percy's blue pancakes. But he's never tried them before. So he'd be lying if he said he wasn't excited to try them out. Sally's reputation as a cook only made him more eager to wanting to try her food.

They were all surrounding the dining table, as Sally served some blue punch and and her most anticipated blue cookies. Jason took a bite of the cookie and boy. It melted in his mouth. Is this what people meant when they say that food that's made with love always tastes the best? Jason had never believed in that idiom. Until now.

"So Jason, how old were you when you came to camp?" Paul asked, munching on his cookies."Well, technically 4 years old, if you don't count in the fact that I was trained by Lupa the wolf since I was two-"Jason was cut off with a small gasp from Sally. Paul had almost dropped his utensils.

"Two??? Jason, honey, you were two years old?" Sally asked wide eyed, concern in her voice."Uhm, well yeah..." Jason tried to brush it off as no big deal. He hadn't realised how shocking this must be for mortals. "But, what about your mother?.. Percy said something about...." Sally began hesitantly

"My mother was an alcoholic, according to my sister, she barely got by, since she was unstable and wasn't well enough to take care of me. And I found out she died in a crash years ago. The Goddess Hera was upset that my father sired another child with another woman, so she demanded that my mother should give me away as a prize. That's also why I'm named Jason, I was forced to be named after heras favourite Hero"

Jason had started to ramble without even realizing it, but he couldn't help himself, Sally and Paul were so welcoming, he felt comfortable to share this with them.Sally, Percy and Paul had stared at Jason, with a mix of gaping, sad, pitiful and potentially horrified looks.

Percy dropped his blue cookies back on to the plate. "I'm so sorry bro.." he said patting Jason's arm and giving him a one armed hug.Paul and sally hadn't said a word and Jason was afraid he had said too much, but what he didn't expect was to be tackled into a huge by both of the adults. Jason heard Sally's whimpers as she held on to jason tight.

Jason had suddenly felt awkward, I mean, he never found his situation this upsetting, he thought it was normal for demigods to experience tragedy. "Jason, I want you to know that if you ever need someone to confide in, me and sally are always there" Paul said, pulling away from the hug, as Sally wiped her eyes. Percy smiled at Jason in a "I-told-you-they-wont-judge-you-bro" way, and Jason had to smile back, but his eyes started to water in gratitude.

Two people he barely even met, had volunteered to be his confidant and had offered him him comfort, it was something jason never knew he needed.

The day ended with Jason sleeping over at Percy's, where they both stayed up all night playing Mario party six on Nintendo, and Sally had packed him some blue cookies for him to take back home. Paul kept complimenting jason for his architectural knowledge, and had encouraged his temple project, even throwing in a few ideas of his own.

For once, Jason Grace wasn't alone.

[iwaasfairy]

I absolutely adore your work, like seriously you write so well and it’s really rare I find authors with such amazing stories so I wanted to know if you could recommend me some other authors with a similar writing style or any stories that you really enjoy?

Thank youUUU thank you I’m so glad to hear that!!

as for writers, I sadly don’t get to read much anymore but I’ll just recommend some tried and true friends of mine and faves for you to explore. also obvious tw dark content warning for some!!! but yea these people are so talented I love them with my whole ass

@seijorhi @shinsocest @chiwhorei @sawamooora @delirieum @melon-hellion @theygottheircages @undermattsun @strafepanzer @bakatenshii @ceo-of-daichi @inkykeiji @/jackrabbit (I can’t bother bunny she’s a muse look awayyy)

[ennabear]

wait??? ennaa??? who are ur favorite writers??? .... yap sesh?? :P

-🃏🌀⭐️

MY FAVORITE QUESTION!!! AND SORRY MUTUALS FOR ALWAYS TAGGING U IN STUFF LIKE THIS 😭 it’s out of love and appreciation i promise 🤎 anyways allow me to share some of my fave writers on tumblr hehehe thanks for the ask nonniebear :3

@hypnagogics @absfawn @andersonfilms @finalgirllx @astralnymphh @ellsbclls @not-rigel @archangeldyke-all @sevikasenby @k3n-dyll

just to name a few… 🤭

[dalekowrites]

Are you a professional writer, or do you do something else for a living?

Haha, I wish! No, I do... a lot of things.

I used to be a modern languages teacher, but I left that job to start a PhD in English studies. It's tough, considering that between research, courses, and seminars, it takes up more time than a full-time job. I dedicate 8–10 hours a day to it, seven days a week!

On top of that, I write. I've done copywriting, content creation, video game writing, and even commissioned stories (mostly NSFW, if I'm being honest, lol). As for my personal projects, I used to write short stories, poems, and novels. I've put traditional writing on hold for now, though I'm waiting to hear back from a publisher about one of my shelved projects.

So my "second job" nowadays is writing interactive stories. I'm currently working on After Dark, The In-Between, and Hope Abides. I have to admit, it's tough—I have health issues that make it feel like I'm always playing life on hard mode, but I do my best.

Thanks for the question, I hope I've satisfied your curiosity!