#( that it reads well and I properly explained mike's thoughs and feelings )

[castlebyersthoughts]

I wonder if vecna is going to taunt Mike with his love confession to El. I feel like since that was the last big thing we see of milkvan it would make sense to breakdown that moment before they have their breakup. What if Vecna turned into El and said “YOU LIE. You don’t love me. I know what you really wanted to say. I know who your heart really beats for.” Or something not vecna related happens before the time jump where El says something about his heart/love confession and it starts to get broken down from there. I just feel like even though people hated his love confession and found it super cringy people will still remember it as fact after they breakup and I don’t want anyone to still be like “wait…but like didn’t he say he loved her why are they breaking up?” For byler to be able to properly grow El can’t be hurt by the breakup. I think it needs to be mutual. She can still be a little upset that it’s over but happy that they’re still friends. He can maybe try to explain himself then about how he was going to say one thing at the pizza place but they got interrupted and then it wasn’t really the time to say it when all hell broke loose. He just wanted to save her so badly that he said what she wanted to hear. Maybe El could say “I thought I wanted to hear you say it or that I needed you to.” Maybe similarly at the end of s3 when she first said it to him and it made him realize something, maybe it did a similar thing for her now when he first said it after all this time.

I completely agree with the fact that the monologue has to come up and be explained in a way in season 5 if they go through with Byler. Those are great ideas for it.

For the Vecna vision thing, I'd love something like that, but I'll be honest: as time passes, I'm becoming less sure that Vecna is even going to taunt Mike at all. I feel like at this point he's definitely more connected to El and Will but also Max, possibly Nancy, and now Holly. I don't really see the writers making him have some kind of relationship with Mike as well, but I'd be happy to be wrong!

I feel like Mike's internal conflict will be handled in a more human, as opposed to supernatural, way. Like him talking to Robin, maybe Vickie, and figuring things out. He's also probably going to be having multiple conversations with Will, yes some about Vecna, but not only, especially if they live together in the Wheeler house as I think they will.

In the end I feel like Mike and El need to have a big talk where they go over everything, for them as characters, and for the audience to really understand what the Duffers were saying with that relationship (if they want it to be crystal clear, but I could also see them wanting to leave some ideas in subtext only). Ideally they would go over how they got into that relationship too quickly, how they both tried to make it work when it obviously wasn't, because they simply didn't know any better, and how they confused their deep bond for romantic love because that was what was expected of them. (A scene like this would be great as the --don't read this if you don't want to know about leaks-- rumored baseball field scene, as baseball is a sign of forced conformity, and even forced "straightness", in the show). And yes, Mike needs to explain whether he intentionally lied during the monologue (I personally don't believe that was the case) or whether he thought he was saying the truth but didn't realize he was confusing other feelings (protectiveness, deep affection...) for romantic love. Or they can even say that he truly did love her but he's learning to let go of this relationship as it just wasn't right for either of them, and he realized now that Will was the right person for him all along. That could work too.

As for what you said about El, I believe she won't be hurt by the break up because when it happens she'll already have arrived at that conclusion herself (is that sentence even correct? English isn't my first language lmao). As I said in my reddit post, I don't believe El is in love with Mike in season 4, I don't even think she ever truly was. Nothing in the whole season makes us believe that, except for the fact that she wrote "Love" on her letters... which were full of lies. Hmm. I totally agree with the fact that when she got what she wanted, hearing "I love you" from her boyfriend, she realized it wasn't what she needed after all. But after that big love declaration from Mike, how could she have the heart (lol) to say something? She's probably gonna keep going through the motions with Mike because it's easier, or maybe she's still not realizing that this isn't real romantic love. They're probably not even gonna be spending that much time together anyway due to the fact that she's in hiding.

I do believe that if El learns about Will's feelings for Mike, and sees what true unconditional romantic love looks like, she would absolutely realize that what she has with Mike isn't that and they shouldn't be together in that way anymore. I could see her explain this to Mike, saying that she used to need him to tell her he loved her for the wrong reasons (because she thought she was unlovable/a monster) but her confrontation with Brenner changed her as she realized she wasn't the monster, and she was so relieved to reunite with Mike in the desert but she was now in a different place. Once again, she experienced personal growth during her time away from Mike. For the record, what I think El was going to tell Mike at the pizza place was something like "Mike, it's okay. It's okay if you don't love me, it doesn't matter anymore", and this could've led to an amicable break up. But this is a TV show so this shit has to be dragged out into the last season, preferably with a lot of drama, and make us lose some hair in the process.

That was a lengthy answer oh my god, sorry for blabbing so much. Thanks for the ask!

[dr-spectre]

Sonic x Shadow Gens Review.

(MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD!!!)

So, gamers, i have played and finished Sonic x Shadow Generations, both campaigns, and i just wanna say.... GOD. DAMN.

I cannot believe that Sega released a Sonic "remaster" and it actually TURNED OUT GOOD!?!? WITHOUT ANY BUGS!!? NO GRAPHICAL GLITCHES FROM MY KNOWLEDGE!!?!? WHAT HAPPENED!??!

I will quickly go over Sonic Generations before we talk about... the big boy.

So, how is Sonic Generations? Welp. It's.... it's the same game!! And as someone who played it on PC for years, it looks identical to the original release! Maybe the colours are tweaked? The UI looks way nicer with the resolution boost and the chao rescue stuff is really cute.

Uh, i will say though. i do like MOST of the rewriting that they did. But here's the thing, Sonic Generations' story is like eating a McDonalds cheeseburger, but it's only the patty and buns. The rewrite just adds some cheese and a dab of tomato sauce. It's better, but you're still eating a damn McDonalds cheeseburger. And to add on to this, the VAs didn't sound... good, this time around... Idk, something seems very off about their performances? Mike Pollock especially, bro lost ALL OF HIS ENERGY in his Eggman performance. Tails' VA sounds kinda... bleh too, i dont know what happened here. Roger Craig Smith sounds bored playing Sonic, and i feel bad for him because Ian Flynn's writing can be pretty damn wordy. He's a skilled voice actor FOR SURE, but i never clicked with his Sonic, ever. (Jason Griffith, i miss you every day, my sweet prince... They took you away too soon... At least i still have the definitive Sonic voice in the Japanese version...)

The story also continues the trend of turning Amy into a boring side character with zero personality or spice because GOD FORBID A CARTOON CHARACTER ACTS CARTOONY AND A LITTLE CRAZY! SHE IS NOT AN ABUSIVE STALKER WHO WANTS TO FORCE SONIC INTO THINGS HE ISN'T COMFORTABLE WITH! SHE IS A FUCKING FANGIRL OF SONIC WHO WANTS TO HANG OUT WITH HIM AND SHE LOVES HIM AS A PERSON!!!! IF YOU PLAY THE OLD 3D GAMES WITH RETRANSLATED MODS YOU WILL SEE!!!!!!!! GOD!!!

But i could make a whole post about Amy man... I really could...

Okay enough about Sonic Generations, it's time to talk about Shadow Generations and what do I think of it?

First, I'll brush over the story, NO SPOILERS DON'T WORRY!! I will say this, there were plenty of moments that easily got tears out of me and the stuff involving Maria and Shadow? Oh.... oh baby... PEAK!!!! Black Doom is really dope too, Shadow was pretty well written in this, too, and his VA knocked it out of the park!!! Kirk Thornton, I'm sorry that i doubted you... And Maria's VA too? Love the performance!!

However... This story feels... underdeveloped? Undercooked? it feels like there needed to be MORE! I think that the pacing felt a litttleeeee too fast and i kinda wished there was just more to chew on! It's like eating some damn good chocolate ice cream, but the ice cream is just one scoop. LIKE I WANT MORE!!! I WANT TWO SCOOPS!! I WANT SOME CHOCOLATE CHIPS IN THE ICE CREAM!!! UGH!! It's good, BUT I WANT MORE!!!! There needed to be more on it's bones, more screentime with Maria and Gerald, more time fleshing out stuff and properly explaining Black Doom's return instead of it being optional dialogue in the white world or prologue animaton on YouTube that you could skip. There's all this cool optional shit that is well... OPTIONAL!!!! And it actually enhances the characters, BUT I DIDN'T SEE IT UNTIL I LITERALLY BEAT THE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DIDN'T READ GERALD'S DIARY UNTIL AFTER I BEAT THE STORY!!! THE LAST TWO PAGES ARE LITERALLY AT THE FINAL SECTION OF THE GAME!!!!

There is this one moment with Maria and Shadow and like.... it gave me the biggest damn smile on my face. And the ending too man, my god.

ALSO THE CUTSCENES ARE FILMED REALLY WELL?!? HOLY SHIT THEY ARE ACTUALLY GOOD?!?!? It makes Frontiers look like a PS1 game in terms of quality like holy mother of god, the cutscenes and animations have improved so MUCH in the span of one game... It makes me so so excited for what's to come....

NOW! GAMEPLAY TIME! How does Shadow control? How does this black and red alien hedgehog play?

I'll put it like this... Imagine Sonic Forces, BUT!!! The air control is better, platforming feels smoother, the homing attack is better and more satisfying and 2D control feels actually good. it's just like Forces but everything feels a lot better, it's WAYYY BETTER THAN VANILLA CYBERSPACE FROM FRONTIERS!

Good controls don't mean much if the levels aren't good, BUT THANKFULLY Shadow Generations level design is actually pretty damn solid, and each level made me feel satisfied and wanting to go again!! There's plenty of optional pathways but the pathways don't really go to brand new exclusive areas. It's not on the same tier as Sonic Generations, BUT! It's close.

My favourite level is either Sunset Heights or Radical Highway. YES! THE SONIC FORCES LEVEL IS MY FAVOURITE! HOW CRAZY IS THAT?!!? THEY TURNED MID TO GOOD!!!

I also love how the collectables are placed on the harder pathways and reward you for skillful play, unlike in Sonic Generations where most of the red rings ARE ON THE BOTTOM PATHWAYS!!!!! WHY?!!? THAT'S THE PLACE MOST PLAYERS WON'T GO TO!!!! Ugh. I hate collecting red rings in Sonic Generations but thank god the collectables are actually fun to grab in Shadow Generations.

Now i wanna brush on the white space because i have some words to say on that too.

White space was really fun to explore and unlike Frontiers, you could see things in the distance and platforms don't just pop in!!!!!!!!!! I loved doom surfing around, finding chests, bolts and just running around. It's really fun. It's not as in-depth as Frontiers, but i want the next Open Zone game to take a lot of inspiration from this white space. Also, seeing Omega and other characters in the hub and talking to them is really cute stuff.

Finding ALL the chests and bolts tho makes me wanna wish a thousand year torment onto someone.

And speaking of Doom Surf... The Doom powers and Chaos Control, i.... LOVE THEM! They are the perfect way to make Shadow more unique from Sonic and give the levels that extra level of flavour. Doom Spears add some spice to the standard homing attack chains you do in 3D Sonic levels, Doom Blast is really fun to use and opens up new pathways, Chaos Control is AWESOME!!! I LOVE HOW IF YOU USE IT AT THE RIGHT TIME IT OPENS UP COOL PATHS!! MY JAW DROPPED MULTIPLE TIMES SEEING THE PATHWAYS THAT I FOUND FOR MYSELF WITH CHAOS CONTROL!!! Doom Surf is fun to use and it spices up Kingdom Valley a lot, but... Doom Morph? The squid? THAT ONE SUCKKKSSSS!!! Awful turning, awful speed control, awful jump arc that makes Super Mario Bros. from the NES look like a top tier platformer, they don't properly explain the grappling mechanic which left me feeling so frustrated at certain points.

And... of course... The Doom Wings...

THE DOOM WINGS.... THE STUFF YOU COULD BREAK WITH THEM AND THE LEVEL DESIGN ACCOMINDATES FOR THEM TOO?!?!? SO IT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE YOUR GLITCHING THE GAME?!?!? SONIC TEAM DID SUCH A GOOD JOB OH MY GOD!!!!

Now, let's talk about the bosses...

Bosses are pretty fun!! They feel very satisfying to beat down and have some awesome dialogue. Although they are kind of one note, like the strategy to beat them doesn't REALLYYY change but hey, It's Sonic bosses, they've never been that amazing since the beginning of the franchise. But i would rather take this kind of boss design OVER SONIC SUPERSTARS!! BLEHHH!!!

Also I'm not gonna go too much into it but what they did with Mephiles, story wise for his boss fight? Oh man, I LOVE IT!! THEY DID SUCH A GOOD JOB! (the new VA for him, Robbie Daymond was kinda.... okayyy. Needed to sound deeper and it would been damn great. I know he played Akechi from Persona 5, he just needed better direction.)

Alright.. Let's discuss arguably the most important part of any Sonic game, the music, and um, I'm gonna be for real, it's kind of a mixed bag? DON'T GET ME WRONG!! There are some bangers, some top tier tracks that will get that blood pumping! But for every banger, there's a Space Colony Ark Act 2 and a Chaos Island Act 1....

The music can be summed up with this handy chart!

I wanna quickly brush upon the challenge acts too, i liked most of them but having to complete 4 OF THEM FOR EACH ZONE TO ADVANCE THE STORY IS SOME MASSIVE PADDING!!!

And.. I think that is it!! Overall, Shadow Generations is great!! The story has some cool moments but it felt VERY underbaked, the level design has improved a lot from previous games, i like the white space and the simple enjoyment of going around and collecting things.

It is a good to great game but it definitely has some flaws and i wouldn't give it a 9/10 and say it's PEAK overall like what some are saying online. Yeah it's good, but, it has flaws. It isn't perfect, however it is VERYYY fun!

Shadow Generations really does give me hope, this isn't yet another "step in the right direction" no. This is a LEAP!

[elliseleven]

So, I wrote this Patcap fic a while back (I've written *a lot* of Capvers since I started watching Ghosts so I thought it'd be good to change it up).

But I honestly don't think I'll properly finish it as it's been sitting in my Google docs for a while so I thought I could post it here.

It's a few scenes that are kind of stop-start rather than having proper transitions. I also haven't really beta read it so it's not my best but hope you enjoy anyway!

*******

Pat had planned this perfectly. 2001: A Space Odyssey had something for everyone. Despite that, there was one person who didn’t seem to be enjoying himself.

The Captain was watching the TV screen. However, he didn’t seem to be paying attention at all. 

After the film was over, Pat watched the Captain leave. He wondered what was wrong. Did he not like the film?

Pat decided to follow the Captain. He found himself outside the Captain’s room. Suddenly, he felt nervous. The Captain didn’t like his privacy to be invaded, but Pat didn’t want him to feel sad either.

The door was ajar, so Pat peeked his head round.

“Knock knock.”

The Captain jumped. He was sitting on the edge of his bed.

“What is it, Pat?” He tried to keep his voice level, but Pat could tell something was wrong.

“You alright, Cap? Did you not enjoy the film?”

“No, I did. It was wonderful. I’m just… tired. A lot happened today.”

Pat nodded. “Yeah, it was full on. Not anything we’re not used to though, eh?”

The Captain chuckled. “Quite right. I’d just… like to be left alone.”

Pat hesitated. It was clear that something was troubling the Captain, but he had never been one to open up easily. Maybe it was best to leave it alone. 

“Course,” he finally said.

He made to leave but turned back. He smiled to the Captain. “If there’s anything on your mind, you can talk to us, you know. Well…” he hesitated. “Some of us, at least.”

The Captain only nodded. He knew this to be a fact, of course, but he doubted he would take Pat up on that offer.

Pat nodded in return, leaving the Captain in peace.

Once he was sure Pat had left, the Captain let out a sigh. Perhaps it would do some good to talk about… what was troubling him. He had kept his secret for so long, but perhaps it was time for it to come to light.

*******

“Take your time, Cap.”

The Captain felt as if he was on the verge of a panic attack. He had never said this aloud before. However, Pat’s gentle gaze and hand on his shoulder helped him calm down.

“Where to start…” He mused. “Do you remember that day when Alison and Mike were digging up the garden?”

“Yes, definitely,” Pat sighed. “God knows how I managed to take charge of those lot.”

“You did a terrific job.”

Pat was taken aback. It was rare that the Captain gave compliments, especially to him. “Well, thanks, Cap. I try.”

“Yes, well…” He cleared his throat. “That day reminded me of my… past. Someone from my past, to be specific.”

“Right,” Pat nodded. “Was it someone from the army?”

The Captain very slowly began to tell Pat about his lieutenant and how close they had grown. How he had fallen in love…

Pat nodded along, not surprised in the slightest.

“That makes sense. A lot of sense, actually.” Pat said once the Captain had finished.

The Captain almost gave himself whiplash, turning to face Pat. “What do you mean by that?!”

Pat laughed. “Well, I mean, even a blind man would be able to see that you’re… a homosexual.”

When the Captain continued to stare, gobsmacked, Pat explained further. He hadn’t noticed every little thing, but the things he had noticed were blindingly obvious. 

The way he looked at attractive men: Adam the director, Toby Nightingale, Mike, that naked man from the party. 

“I didn’t think I was being so obvious,” the Captain muttered, unable to look Pat in the eye.

“I guess it’s not to everyone, but I noticed…”

If the Captain had been less nervous, he would have noticed Pat blushing.

“Right,” the Captain cleared his throat. “As long as you don’t tell the others.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t dream of it!” Pat patted the Captain gently on his shoulder. “Your secret’s safe with me.”

Pat stood up, and the Captain suddenly felt cold.

“I’ll leave you to it then.”

*******

“Hey, Cap?”

The Captain stopped walking and turned to face Pat.

“Yes?”

The way the Captain looked at him made him weak at the knees, but he stood strong. “I just wanted to have a chat, if that’s okay?”

The Captain nodded cautiously. He wondered, and partly worried, about what Pat wanted to tell him.

Pat looked behind him to check they were alone. “I… Um… Wow, it’s been a long time since I’ve felt this nervous.”

The Captain frowned. “You don’t need to be nervous around me, Patrick.”

Pat laughed. If only the Captain knew the irony in what he was saying. “How do I say this?”

Pat was stalling because he was nervous, of course, but there was another reason. 

He remembered how the Captain talked about Havers. The Captain had never been good at expressing his feelings, but it was clear how in love he had been. What if he still was? Pat wasn’t sure how he would take that.

Meanwhile, the Captain’s heart was racing. Pat rarely got nervous talking about what was on his mind. This must be important. What if…? No, the Captain berated himself. He had a wife, for goodness sake! He couldn’t be…

“I like you, Cap.”

The Captain narrowed his eyes in confusion. “Well, I would hope so, wouldn’t you?”

“No, Cap,” Pat said, even more serious now. “I like you. Not just as a friend.”

Finally, the penny dropped. The Captain stared.

Pat waited, but the Captain didn’t speak. He didn’t even move.

“Hello? Anyone home?” He clicked his fingers in front of the Captain’s face.

The Captain blinked and slowly found his voice. “S- Sorry, Pat. I just… didn’t expect you to say that. At all.”

“It’s okay,” Pat chuckled. “It came as a bit of a shock to me too. Nothing to do with you!” He added hastily before the Captain could jump to any conclusions. “I just always thought I liked women. Still do, of course, but I like men too? Not quite sure when that happened, if I’m honest.”

Pat continued to ramble, and the Captain smiled. The sense of relief that washed over him was immeasurable. He wouldn’t have guessed that Pat liked him, or was even like him at all.

“-always confused me when I watched films and found both the man and the woman attractive.”

The rambling was getting a little too much now for the Captain. “Pat.”

“I could never tell Carol though-”

“Pat!”

Pat suddenly stopped, looking up at the Captain. “Sorry. Was I talking too much?”

The Captain hesitated before realising he could be honest with him. “Yes. Just a bit.”

“Sorry…” he muttered. “It’s just the first time I’ve talked about this.”

The Captain nodded. “I understand. Do you feel better?”

“Yeah, I actually do, actually. How about you give it a try?”

The Captain hummed. “No, thank you.”

Pat nodded. “That’s fine.”

The two of them fell silent until Pat remembered something. “Hey, Cap? Before I told you this, I didn’t know how you would react.” 

Now that he was speaking out loud, he realised the Captain hadn’t actually said much of anything. 

“Why do you say that?”

*******

So it ends there but Pat's answer was going to be that he knew that Cap was still in love with Havers and he wasn't sure if Cap was ready to love anyone else. Cap ends up telling Pat that he will always love Havers but that doesn't mean he doesn't have the capability to love someone else ❤️

[jackienautism]

ive always sort of taken ashley's reaction to that whole situation to be like. in that moment, emily goes from ally to potential threat, and ashley freaks out and her thought process is basically.... "remove the threat". it is mike who escalates and picks up the gun like you said. my guess is, seeing a friend get shot is way different than the possibility of them getting shot? so like... if mike shoots emily, ashley a) sees that reality and b) knows that it wouldn't have happened without her. hence the guilt. but in the case of mike putting the gun down, the potential threat is not gone in any way and ashley didnt have to see her friend Actually get shot. so her reaction is probably from the uneasiness of the situation being unresolved, until she reads the notebook, realizes there was never any danger to her from emily, and THEN feels guilty. hopefully that makes sense? combo of whether or not ashley's unease and panic is actually resolved in the moment, as well as Actually watching emily die or just... having that almost happen.

i honestly have no idea what this is in reference to, but it all makes sense to me yeah! all i wanted was just to talk abt how its kind of fucked (atleast to me) how sam's relationship goes up after ashley reveals the truth 😭 i didnt mean for this to end in a discussion abt the like...bite / shooting scene as a whole. but i appreciate you coming into my inbox nonetheless!

but yeah i really don't blame ashley for freaking out the way she did, its just silly bc didnt jack sooooort of explain the whole situation back in the lodge? i could be TOTALLY misremembering so dont take my word for it. but its just.... he mentions cannibalism and this isnt necessarily cannibalism correct? but yeah. still. ashley is totally one to jump to conclusions before her mind can rly like....digest the situation properly so its sooo in character for her to automatically assume the worse. bc look at the whole basement scene w/ the ghost? her emotions get the best of her and makes her believe things that otherwise have a "rational" / believable explanation. so i totally don't blame her at all for acting the way she does

once again, i totally forget what this could potentially be in reference to fdkgndfg so apologies for that. did they rly like. show that ash was guilty that well though? like. OBV the guilt is gonna be there since her words and actions and whatever sort of led up to the moment of em getting shot, but after that ? does she rly show anything ????? not to say that she doesn't regret what she did and said if em actually dies, bc i jusrt KNOW that isnt true, i just think mike shows more remorse than ashley does which sucks. unless its more of a ...... silent guilt. which is probably is. ive only rly watched the scene and the aftermath once so i cant remember it too clearly sorry

AND I THINK I FINALLY KNOW WHAT THIS IS TALLKING ABT.... ITS ABT THE COMMENT SHE MAKES IF MIKE DOESNT SHOOT EMILY RIGHT? hopefully thats what it is fkgnfg but yeah that totally makes sense to me! or wait. is this just abt the potential guilt ashley feels in this scene? AAAAA IM SO SORRY I SAY A LOT OF THINGS AND I DONT WHAT THE HELL I JUST SAID!!!! if you wanna clarify things for me if i didnt answer this to your satisfaction id appreciate it dfgknfg but once again, i appreciate the discussion regardless!

once again though, i think that does make sense yeah! esp in regards to ashley's "i hope you did" comment following mike failing to shoot em. bc youre right, the uneasiness and .... anxiety of the situation is still there, so it makes sense why she wouldnt seem very ..... happy over mike not shooting em / not getting her to leave

youre right though it def all depends on what occurs, which is like. realistic. esp from a Human Being perspective. so it sucks that a lot of ppl blow the scene out of proportion and unnecessarily hate on ashley for her (rather realistic) reactions to what's shown to her. bc yeah ok if its put out there or if it ever enters her mind, of COURSE shes gonnna freak out ove rth e potential of em "turning into one of them." the only one who doesnt rly believe it at first is sam and thats due to how ..... levelheaded she is, even under times of stress. but ashley is the COMPLETE opposite of that. she''s like. ive seen others talk abt this before but. she's not grounded in reality, which is a very interesting and good way of putting it. so yeah of course her imagination is going to take her into dangerous places and shit and therefore dictate how she reacts to what happens. hopefully this makes any sense? i know i dont necessarily need to defend her actions here (since plenty of others have already done the same) but i just wanted to get my thoughts down sdfnksdf

[imaginestuffs]

Silly Bet- Eddie Munson x Reader

word count:2541

warnings: none, just fluff

summary: Gareth bet the kids that they wouldn't be able to talk to you. And when they win, they bring you to Hellfire to prove it, and that's when you meet Eddie, the boy you watched from afar who held a place in your day-to-day thoughts since you saw him.

(gif not mine!)

You had met Eddie in the summer of your first year in Hawkins, you had just moved there from California and everything was still so new to you. You had gotten there just as the spring semester had started, and you had been pretty well accepted. You weren’t popular necessarily, but you weren’t considered a nerd or freak by any means. People were relatively kind to you just as you were to them. You didn’t cause trouble and your grades were decently high. Usually, you sat at a table alone in the cafeteria just so you could read peacefully during the small break you had. At times there were people who would come and ask to sit with you and you would happily oblige especially when those people were kids who weren’t the most well-received. You never shied away from accepting people, it was just something you were taught to do and it made you feel better knowing that people could come up to you knowing they wouldn’t be turned away.

You would see Eddie and his friends sit at their table and have the most animated discussions and it always put a smile on your face. He was never afraid to cause a scene, whether it be making fun of jocks or just speaking as loudly as he could when he was passionate about something. It was something you admired about him really, it was just one more thing that caused your heart to grow fonder of him. Though you had never properly met him, you had a little place in your thoughts reserved especially for him. 

You knew he was known as the resident freak, or even ‘bad boy’ as some of the cheer squad called him. And to be honest, it intrigued you, it made you want to get to know him. You were definitely more reserved but didn’t turn someone down when spoken to. Sure you got nervous meeting new people and could be bashful at times but you learned to push through that and always see the positives.

You had just been introduced to the young group of boys you had seen sitting with him all the time. They had nervously walked up to you at your locker on the last day before the summer break. Introducing themselves as Dustin, Mike, and Lucas. You immediately smiled at them and introduced yourself to them as well. 

“Uh, (y/n)?” you heard a voice from behind you. You turned around and smiled at the sight of the boys. “Hello,” you greeted with a soft wave. They looked a bit awkward as they stood in front of you. “Did you guys need something?” you asked them. “Oh, um, we just wanted to say hi, we’ve seen you around, and seem really nice. You know, you’re still kind of new here so we thought we’d introduce ourselves. I’m Dustin,” the curly-haired boy told you and reached out his hand. Your smile brightened and you reached out to shake his outstretched hand. “This is Mike, and Lucas,” he pointed at the other two boys. “Well it’s really nice to meet you all, is there anything else you needed?” you asked and looked between the three of them. 

“Actually um, we made a bet with our friend Gareth, that we’d be able to talk with you. You know introduce ourselves,” Lucas explained. You nodded your head, “Oh, well what did he think I’d do? Not talk to you? That’s silly,” you said and shook your head. “That’s what we told him. I told him you were too nice to turn us down,” Dustin said and you chuckled. “Well, I’m really glad I got to meet you all, and tell your friend I said hello and he can talk to me whenever he’d like,” you said with a playful grin. 

“You know what, would you mind coming with us so that we can prove to Gareth that we aren’t lying?” Mike asked you. “Yeah, of course, I’d love to,” you said and closed your locker before walking through the halls with them. “So, do you guys have any plans for summer?” you made conversation. “Mostly D&D,” Dustin answered and you chuckled a bit. “My brother actually loves to play, he talks about it all the time,” you told them. Their eyes lit up, “Really, that’s awesome. What’s his name?” Lucas asked with a bright smile. “His name is Alex, he’s actually in your grade,” you explained. “What’s your last name, I might know him,” Dustin said. “Oh, Our last name is (l/n),” you informed them. “Yeah! I know him, he seems really cool, super friendly,” he said. “Yeah that’s him, not very shy is he?” you laughed softly. “Definitely not,” Dustin said with a smile. You approached the door and Mike held it open for you. “Thank you, Mike,” you said gratefully as you stepped into the room behind Lucas. You could feel eyes on you, and so you looked up from the floor to in fact see everyone staring at you. 

“Hi,” you waved softly at everyone. “You actually did it?” Gareth asked in surprise. “Who did what?” a familiar voice came from the doorway. You turned to the door just to see the boy that you just couldn’t shake from your thoughts: Eddie Munson. “Dustin, Lucas, and Mike got (y/n) (l/n) to talk with them. I bet them that they couldn’t,” Gareth explained. 

Eddie’s eyes moved around the room until they settled on you. “Well, isn’t that a surprise,” he said and you furrowed your brows. He smiled at your expression, he would never tell anyone but he swore you were the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. With your baby blue striped shirt neatly tucked into your white skirt, wearing hightops. 

He could barely look away from you, “And why is that surprising?” you asked and shifted your weight. You didn’t understand why but being in his presence made you a bit bashful. “Well, princess you don’t seem like the type to talk with freaks,” he explained. Heat flooded your cheeks at the pet name he used for you. “I wouldn’t say your freaks, you just enjoy different things than other people. I mean so does my brother and he’s not a freak,” you said with a small shrug. “I actually quite enjoy sitting in on my brother’s campaigns. He and his friends were usually my responsibility and I tended to enjoy watching them be so passionate about something,” you explained. Eddie looked at you with a raised eyebrow. “Your brother plays D&D and you enjoy it?” he asked slowly. You nodded your head, “Yeah, I honestly do. It’s actually pretty cool,” you said shyly. “Does this little brother of yours have a party?” he asked in curiosity. “Not currently, no,” you answered. “Well maybe you should drop by again, and we’ll see what happens,” Eddie suggested and it brought a warm smile to your face as you looked at him fondly. 

“I think that would be great. Where do you guys meet for the summer?” you asked. “Right here, princess,” he said gesturing to the room they were currently occupying. “How? The school is closed,” you asked in confusion. “Let’s just say that’s not a problem for me,” he said with a wink. You looked at him in surprise and just chuckled a bit. “Alright then, I guess, I’ll see you guys same time, next Friday?” you asked excitedly. “We’ll be here,” he said. 

After that day, you had begun to bring your little brother every Friday. Sometimes staying to watch seeing as it was ok with Eddie and the rest of the party. You had grown fond of the boys, and your small crush on Eddie had begun to grow. Over the next few weeks, you had grown closer to him, and would eventually end up hanging out outside of the club environment. 

The first time you hung out was on a Saturday night. He had asked if you’d like to watch a movie at his place and you said yes. It had become a regular thing for both of you. Sometimes you’d sneak out of the house just to go see him. 

Tonight felt different though.

You were over at Eddie’s place just sitting and hanging out like usual. Something about that night felt different, there was slight tension. You didn’t completely understand what was going on with him, he seemed distant, he seemed far away. 

“Hey, Eds,” you said and looked over at him lying next to you. “Hmm,” he hummed, letting you know he was listening. “Are you ok?” you asked nervously, playing with a loose string on your sweater. He could hear the nerves in your tone and turned to look at you. “Yeah, I’m fine, what makes you ask?” he wondered. “It’s just you seem tense and I’m worried. Have I done something wrong?” you asked worriedly. His big brown eyes widened at your worry, “What? Of course not, you’ve done nothing wrong. I just can’t get this girl out of my head,” he explained. Your heart sunk at the news. You had to have known that nothing was going to happen between you, but that little bit of hope always stayed floating around inside of your mind. 

“Oh, really, do I know her?’ you asked softly with a teasing smile. Trying your best not to let your hurt show. “I think you might, yeah,” he nodded his head with a big smile. “What’s she like?” you wondered as you sit up and cross your legs beneath you. “Well, she’s got the prettiest (e/c) eyes I’ve ever seen, her smile lights up a room, and she’s one of the funniest and most kind people I’ve ever met.” he began to explain. “Yeah?” you asked kindly, letting him know to continue. “She has never once disregarded anyone, and I swear her laugh is the most beautiful sound ever. She loves her little brother more than anything, and she treats the boys like they’re her family too. I mean, she’s smart, she likes D&D, sure she’s not metal but she’s soft and sweet, more often than not smells like roses,” he describes her, and it sparked a small thought in the back of your mind. Could he be talking about you? And to your utter surprise, he admits it. 

“Oh, right. And she’s sitting right next to me,” he said with a smug little smile as he watched you. Your eyes widened and a blush swept your cheeks in the dim lamp light. Your heart swelled at his words and you tried your best to bite back a grin. You delicately raise your hand to move a piece of hair away from his face, letting your fingertips linger against his cheek. “Well, she can’t get you out of her head either,” you said with a warm smile. 

He gently reached up to grab your wrist and place a kiss on it. “The second you walked into the club meeting for the first time, I knew that I couldn’t let you get away. You were too special, too sweet not to fall for,” he said and you averted your gaze. He sat up and let go of your wrist so he could carefully turn your face to look at him. Your eyes were bright, and your lips curved into a soft smile. 

“You know, I always saw you around but I never got the chance to talk to you until that day. I was more nervous than I had been in a long time, and I knew from the first time I saw you that I had to know you,” you revealed shyly. “I made you nervous?” he asked with a raised brow. “That’s all you got from that?” you asked with a chuckle. You could feel the coolness of his rings gently nipping at the warmth of your cheek. “Maybe,” he tilted his head and you giggled once more. 

“Can I ask you something?” he questioned and let his thumb stroke your cheek. You leaned into his touch and nodded, “Of course,” you answered. “There’s just something I’ve always wanted to do,” he continued dragging out his asking. You nodded again,” Ok, and what is that?” you asked raising your brow as you reached one hand up to take a hold of the hand that was resting on your cheek. 

“Can I kiss you?” he asked quietly. You bit your lip lightly and nodded your head. He gently used his thumb to tug your bottom lip from between your teeth. He leaned closer and you let your eyes flutter shut, your lashes swept your cheeks. He admired you for a few seconds before pressing his lips to yours. The kiss was short and sweet, and just as he pulled away you chased after and kissed him once again. This kiss was longer, and more passionate than the one before, he let go of your cheek and moved his hands to rest on your waist. Slowly helping you as you pushed yourself to rest with a leg on either side of him. One hand was on his shoulder while the other rested on his cheek, making sure to keep him close. Your lips moved in sync for as long as your lungs would allow them to. You pulled away and let your eyes open, just to see a wide smile and those beautiful brown eyes staring back at you. 

“That was definitely more than I thought it would be,” he said and shook his head lightly. “And what is that supposed to mean?” you asked and let both hands come to rest over his shoulders. “Well, I definitely didn’t expect you to be on my lap, and I did not expect you to chase after me like that,” he explained and you blushed before going to move off of his lap. “Hey, no, you don’t have to move, I just wasn’t expecting that.” He said and moved to rest his hand on your thigh to keep you where you were, but light enough to let you move if you wanted to. You settled on his lap again and let your fingers run through his hair. “Plus, I thought it was pretty cute,” he teased and you swatted his shoulder before resting your head there. 

You felt him laugh and wrap his arms around your back, holding you flush against his chest. 

“You know, I’m pretty happy that Gareth lost that bet, although I would’ve found a way to make you mine anyway,” he said and kissed your head. You smiled against his neck, “And I was already yours before we even met,” you said and kissed his jaw. You felt him laugh again and hold you tighter. 

“I love you, princess,” he said and you pulled away to look in his eyes, “I love you too Eds,” you said and placed one last kiss on his lips.

“Bet this will scar the kids,” he whispered and you threw your head back in laughter. He leaned forward and placed a kiss on the column of your throat. You looked back at him and just smiled, “Yeah, it just might,” 

[chirpsythismorning]

I get your point on Mike not noticing what Will is going through but there really is no indication of him noticing things about Will all the time. Like... S3 exists. And even in S4, he's not aware of what Will is going through and we also should take into consideration that Mike and Will have not spoken to each other for months, how the heck would he even know about Will's sexuality or his feelings for him? And he did not notice Will's sensing Vecna and what was going on until Will told him that Vecna's still alive and he can sense him. Will's also the first one to sense the Upside Down acting on (him touching his neck scene) and Mike did not realize that moment, I mean, he basically is not even in the focus of that shot, the kid is basically hugging Hopper behind the scene, lol.

Also there really is a difference btwn him noticing Will just acts annoyed at the roller rink versus why Will acted that way which... he didn't realize what Will really acted that way anyways.

I am keeping an open mind and speculating here because there are signs that it's not as simple as the show is presenting it as.

Though, I do want to make it clear that I don't think it's ever been as simple as Mike fully understanding Will, specifically in the van scene.

I think all these moments between them over the years, that read as romantic coded to us, could arguably feel that way to them, deep down at least. They've confirmed that was the case for Will since s1, though they have yet to even imply that could be a possibility for Mike, despite it being the obvious direction that they're going with in the story.

Honestly, I think at least deep down, Will AND Mike are in a constant back and forth of he loves me/he loves me not, which just hits a lot different as a queer person. They're also best friends and so they're having to worry that they'll make the other person uncomfortable after realizing they misunderstood things. It's also why they (especially Mike) doubles down and ends up hurting Will, because he's so focused on not making his feelings obvious, that he basically implies him and Will aren't friends anymore (instant regret jpg.).

Yes, Mike can't know Will's every thought and emotion at all times, especially when he's not even looking in Will's direction at all. And yet I think that he's still able to sense that at least something is wrong when he is in a situation where Will is right there in front of him.

For example, we're barely shown Mike looking at Will at all at Rink-O-Mania despite them being like 3 ft away from each other most of the day, and yet he ends the night giving us a play by play of Will's emotions. We even get a shot in the van on the way back to the Byers, with Mike looking over at Will who is upset, but not El. They make a point to parallel these shots directly. And so Mike didn't look at El crying, but he did look at Will upset here AND also Will crying in the van scene at the end of the season... Okay...

There was also a post recently that really makes this concept of Mike noticing Will crying even more plausible, because it's a scene of Lucas literally noticing Max upset in the backseat, and yet he doesn't push her any further...

It's sort of a time and place situation on a basic level. Like is now really the time to confront Will crying, and talk about it, all the while they've been framing byler all season as being interrupted constantly and rarely getting a moment of privacy? Meaning a moment truly acknowledging this properly, might very well warrant no one around...

Like I said, I go back and forth on this all the time. Because I think the easiest way to write off the van scene as Mike being totally oblivious, is that Will is lying. And Will doesn't lie to Mike and so no wonder it was so easy to believe him. And so that could explain it right?

Still, I think that it's unlikely to be as simple as Mike understanding Will in the van vs. being oblivious. The main thing I get out of Mike in the van scene is hope.

Arguably, most of the GA thinks that Mike picked up on Will's feelings in the van scene, though they also assume he doesn't feel the same. So what they assume occurred, is Mike letting Will down gently. They think it's obvious Mike noticed and that he doesn't feel the same, and so that's why he's not comforting Will. Most viewers with common sense picked up on Will's behavior in the van scene as him confessing his feelings to Mike through El. Most people went damn, welp that's tragic. After all, this is the moment that finally allowed Noah to finally say It's 100% obvious Will is gay and in love with Mike. After years of them denying and gaslighting fans over speculation in regards to Will's sexuality, THIS is the moment they chose to make it clear to the audience. Just because he never said it outright himself up to this point (and still technically hasn't), doesn't mean he hasn't felt those feelings deep down the whole time? I don't see why we should completely rule out Mike also being somewhat aware, but just having doubts and is just in general scared, because that's understandable. (Sometimes, I think it's just scary to open up like that, to say how you really feel--).

I think the van scene is truly in a league of its own, separate from every moment before it because it is the moment that finally gave them the confidence to reveal the hidden (half) truth that's been going on in this show the whole time in regards to Mike and Will. And yet the Duffers STILL aren't willing to admit that there's more to it... Or are they?

That's the thing about what the Duffer's said, because if you remember what they mentioned about the van scene, it was, While, Mike doesn't fully pick up on it-- So they are basically alluding that it's not as simple as Mike understanding/not understanding. This is obviously because if Mike understood Will and yet he looked super happy, how exactly could the Duffers work around answering that without giving things away?

And so, what if it's only slightly the opposite of that GA assumption? What if the van scene is Mike picking up on Will's words being about himself (like the GA largely assumes), but it's not Mike letting Will down, it's him being relived (upon realizing the painting Will made for his crush is for Mike), confused, while also being somewhat hopeful? What if it's Mike also feeling the responsibility to wait, bc at the moment, he is still technically in a relationship with El. What if it's Mike holding back because comforting Will in this moment, who is now currently sobbing, would cause Mike to cry...? I think them blurring out Mike's reaction beside Will, as he stares at the painting is sus in terms of the possibility Mike could also be emotional in this moment, though holding back those emotions in the same way Will is, just a lot more successfully (Smalltown boy agenda is alive and well...). I mean, why else have both Mike and Will give each other the most heartfelt smiles we've ever seen them give to anyone, only to both look away with their smile dropping... Why?

I also think it's going to be a lot of mental gymnastics to have to make the GA go from thinking Mike understood Will in the van scene, but was letting him down gently, to then reveal Mike didn't understand Will, but still likes Will, but is also hearing all these things fully believing they're El's feelings, and he's smiling and looks super happy with that information? Having only one of those facts wrong feels a little more reasonable in subscribing to this classic miscommunication/unreliable narrator domino effect approach they're going for.

This reminds me of a TikTok that I saw a while back, which pointed out a specific reaction shot from Mike that I think a lot of us overlook. Even though I've been a Mike is clueless in the van scene truther mostly up until recently (I still flip-flop), what I realized after watching this was that, subconsciously, I do feel like Mike is indeed reacting to Will's emotions in this moment, and in his reaction shots he looks emotional and almost sympathetic specifically for Will's emotions in particular. Without actually breaking down what this implies, I've always felt this watching this shot and I still feel it:

And so here Will is, word for word, describing what him and Mike went through over the last year. He even uses words Mike himself used only a few episodes before, when they made up back in Lenora. We know El hasn't been pushing Mike away for the last year. Mike knows this more than Will does. It's just that Will is assuming El is in love with Mike, at least equal to how much Will loves Mike (how could she not be, that's Will's assumption here), and so he's just playing it off like that's something El is doing, when really the whole problem is that El has been doing the opposite of pushing Mike away for the last year, and yet Mike still couldn't commit with a simple four letter word.

And so my difficulty following along with the argument that Mike is clueless is that Will is clearly talking about them in this scene and at times Mike looks relieved and emotional and awestruck while hearing Will say all of this, things that fit their situation, while looking confused whenever Will mentions El's name...

I don't think it's as simple as Mike fully picking up on it, because there are contradictions at play here, and there's also the events leading up to this and what follows that could also impact what Mike thinks about this moment, over time.

But I also can't rule out Mike being hopeful. I think that's more so what it's about for me in terms of analyzing this scene. It's not that I think Mike is fully picking up on Will's feelings, or that he has ever done so at any point genuinely, but more so that I think he's partially picking up on it, and he's hoping.

I think there are certainly doubts that any average person would have in this moment, which I also think mirrors moments of hope and doubt that Mike has experienced in the past in regards to his relationship with Will.

While I know some fans think the end of s2 was the moment Mike realized his feelings, or the end of s3, I just don't think it's that simple.

I think that those moments represent the experience of slowly realizing something, but also being too scared to look too closely at it because of what it could mean, aka looking behind the curtain.

It also makes the expression Mike makes between El and Will at Nina a little more impactful. Because what we see is El and Mike reuniting, and Mike leaning in, but not as close as he could. It's quite visible he's pulling back and not meeting her halfway.

Like, Will literally spent ALL season encouraging him nonstop to tell El how he feels, and the dude can't even kiss her during this super auspicious moment? Dude literally keeps his mouth as far away as possible? Every other movie/show would have them kiss and say I love you during this reunion. Instead they make a point to emphasis Mike looking relieved that El doesn't hate him and that she wants him in her life still, followed by Mike seeking out Will almost instantly.

Also the whole, I didn't say it/You didn't have to moment was kind of unnecessary to drop in the scene where Mike poured his feelings out to Will earlier in the season (where he also said he felt like he lost Will), if it wasn't meant to allude to something deeper that will have a follow up to it. Why even have that exchange at all on the show, if not to hint at something deeper? If you're going to make a ship endgame, and have one of them noticing 9/10 when the other is upset and having them comfort them, then there's gotta be some follow through there. That line was toooo iconic for it to not be.

That's all I can think about when I see Mike smiling the brightest and most heartwarming we've ever seen him smile in the entire show, as he's hearing Will say these things. To me, at the very least, it looks like hope.

And the face he makes at Surfer Boy when Will tells him he's the heart and encourages him to confess to El essentially... that looks to me like devastation and heartbreak. It looks like Mike experiencing the worst possible case of 'he loves me not' one could ever experience (maybe Will's got it worse, I would argue that the same face he makes in response in that moment hits even harder...)

At the very least, I think Mike has been hoping, just like Will is. When it comes to growing up queer, all you have is hope and then the inevitable disappointment more often than not. Back in the 80s in a small town?? Like, it's no wonder they're both in denial they could have a chance despite getting signs there is a chance.

This is something that both Mike and Will are going through, circles of maybe this is real, only to be proven wrong. The tragedy of it all is that they both DO feel the same. And so their gut feeling is right, it's just that heteronormativity doesn't make it something they can really risk, in the case that they end up being wrong.

I will say, where I am up in the air at now is with what Mike is currently thinking about at the end of s4 as he stands by Will. If he is just realizing that El doesn't need him bc she is avoiding him, and that presumably the painting was a lie or at least not fully truthful, wouldn't Mike be upset? Instead he is very accepting of the fact that El doesn't need him and he is practically latching onto Will... And so does he know now that it's Will's feelings? Idk...

Like I said, I think that there are a lot of layers of reactions still in store, which is why it's not as simple as fans want it to be.

I am willing to guess that Mike at least hopes. I think it took a lot for Mike to stay beside Will instead of walking up further with El. I think that this is just the beginning of him accepting himself, which is why it follows directly after Mike and Hopper hug, who last hugged when Mike had a mental breakdown at the end of s2 over 'lying' in regards to his emotions about El being alive/will being possessed by the mindflayer, and who was also juxtaposed to Hoppers letter at the end of s3 also hinting at Mike's deeper feelings. They've been laying breadcrumbs so that once you have all the pieces it will be a lot more satisfying. Right now it's confusing, but that's okay because we're just along for the ride right now.

The problem I see us heading into in s5, is us now having all of these miscommunications coming to a head. Just because Mike hopes, doesn't mean he's certain. It means he's more than prepared to be bombarded with contradictions that will make both of them heartbroken and confused all over again.

The highly anticipated painting confrontation is one that I think could be crazy because Mike reacting upset in any way would obviously be a signal to Will that he doesn't feel the same... but we know that's not the case, and that it's actually quite the opposite.

At the moment I'm still on the fence, but I do think regardless what we have in store for s5 is a healthy dose of miscommunication and misunderstandings and revelations still to come (arguably the most gut wrenching bc they need to top the previous seasons), hopefully followed by more revelations and then the build up of that hope finally leading to something...

[fruitydemogorgon]

Analysing the ST Season 3 Teleplay

PART 1

(I got the teleplays (official scripts) off 8flix, which I will link here.)

So I spent some time looking through the last moments of the s3.ep8 script, and I think it’s actually more byler-coded than we thought. Obviously, scripts are only meant to suggest the briefest moments, the directors job is to explain the lines, and the message/tone, and the actors job is to portray this.

At first I was disappointed by the Byler scene after reading the script, especially since it felt very bland/lifeless and there was no sense of “suggestiveness” like there was in the final scene (but, as I explained earlier, this is because it’s just a script).

Anyways, here’s the scene:

It’s short, compared to the other goodbye scenes (more on that later*). However, the first line, “Mike is helping pack”, implies that they’ve been in here together for a while, alone. In the final take, though, we see Will walking into the room Mike’s in. It’s still possible they were in here together before, since the script doesn’t say anything about Will entering his room. It’s also possible there’s more to this scene than we were shown (I couldn’t get the video file onto this, so I’ve just linked someone’s video of the scene-credit to Itsstranger on yt).

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0fS9f9rmlGQ>

The main thing I’ve realised when watching this scene is the extreme contrast between it and the mileven goodbye. Mike’s facial expressions (which we know are pretty iconic) are completely different. In this scene, we feel that the two characters really understand what the other is saying, even with the deeper subtext that comes with their dialogue.

“Whoa. Dude, that’s the donation box”, Mike says (let’s note that Will ignores him when entering the room, and even begins to leave, but Mike still insists on starting conversation). Mike saying this, and the (concerned?) facial expression that comes with it shows that over the course of the 3 months, he has obviously seen how he was wrong to disapprove of Will still wanting to play D&D, like a “little kid”. 

Will proceeds to say, “I know, I’ll just use yours when I come back”, pausing for a beat, then saying, “I mean, if we still wanna play.” 

Let’s decode this a little more. Will’s first line is pretty blatant, but his second one could have multiple subtexts. “If we still wanna play”, could also mean “If we still wanna hang out together”, or, “If we still wanna be friends”.

To which Mike is quick to answer with, “Yeah, but”, before this next line, he glances to the side, hesitating, “What if you want to join another party?”

Will then looks him up and down, and says, smirking, “Not possible.” The exchange ends here, but their last expressions say much more than the prior dialogue.

This is Mike’s face after Will says they can still be friends:

This is Mike’s face after El says she loves him:

but more on that scene later.

also, may I mention Will’s smug little grin as he struts away

if you make that face with ur friends, I think there’s something you need to tell them.

Anyway, the point I am trying to make is that this, in my opinion, was a flirty interaction. In fact, I can’t recall one quite like it in any other moments of the series (At least, not between Mike + someone else, or Will + someone else)

Now, there are only two other personal goodbyes shown in these last few scenes. These being between Jancy (Jonathan + Nancy) and Mileven (Mike + Eleven). Both of these exchanges are between ‘couples’ or ‘ex-couples’, depending on where Mike and Eleven stand at the end of the season (we aren’t properly told). So, it makes you wonder why they would include a Byler goodbye as well. To anyone lazily watching, the scene wouldn’t really add much to the conclusion, and it’d just be more of a filler. But, this is the Duffer brothers, nothing is without value, and every little detail makes an impact. 

AND, not forgetting that their interaction. was. flirty.

Anyways, I’m going to discuss the Mileven goodbye, because boi is there a lot to unpack. 

I won’t show the script for this scene because it’s quite long, but I noticed that the settings says it’s El’s room, when it’s actually visibly Will’s room (because of the unique wallpaper, and the teddy bear is also his-more on that later)

Here’s a link to the scene (credit to M Entertainment on yt)

<https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k13h2Wq_vMs>

I’ll mention here that in this show, bears represent Will, and during this whole scene El is holding the bear (Will) between them. I’ll link the analysis for that here (slides 77-79).

Mike also says “And I was thinking you could come up here for Christmas,” quickly adding, “and Will, too”. Showing that even when thinking about El, he’s subconsciously thinking about Will (sort of).  

He then says, “I was thinking Christmas Day could be super fun, because we’d have cool new presents to play with and, uh...sorry. That made me sound like a seven-year-old.” We all know that Mike has conflicting feelings linking ‘childhood’ and his ‘younger years’ to times when he felt more inclined to Will, and how he now dismisses them as just being that; childish. I’d also like to highlight the use of the number 7 in this show, and how it has many connections to Will and Mike (separately and together).

(Also, Mike seems like waay less of a jack*ass at the end of season 3)

This is how the next few moments were scripted

I feel like with all this reference to ‘presents’, there could be some symbolism behind it. Since he links being childish to liking presents, and he also links being childish to liking Will, I have a little theory that presents = boys/Will. 

Mike also has a very sheepish grin when he says, “I like presents too”, so I dunno.

After this, as El walks away, it keeps cutting to Mike’s face. In the script, it says:

Although it’s possible Mike is angry with himself for acting so ‘childish’, it’s quite plausible that his reaction is him feeling that he needs to end things for real with El. After this, it just keeps getting gayer and gayer.

(El is talking about when he confessed his ‘love’ for her)

is this really something you would deny/pretend to not know about if you didn’t have conflicted feelings about it?

“heat of the moment stuff”, as in he didn’t actually mean it?

let’s take a lil looksies at this kiss...

doesn’t mike look soooo into it?

and his expression as she walks away?

okay, thank you, that concludes my notes on the mileven scene

but WAIT, there’s more

During Hopper’s letter, there are specific instructions in the script to show Will and Mike at specific parts of the voice over. There’s also lots of subtle queercoding throughout the whole letter, but I will talk about the scenes that are obviously referencing Mike and Will. 

As he says this, Mike is at the forefront of both shots

It literally zooms in on Mike in this next bit

Board games also have a huge significance within the group, and it’s a special aspect of their bond. However, it zooms in on Mike right before Hopper says “And I miss playing board games every night”.

In the next part, Hopper reads,

“But I know you’re getting older. Growing. Changing”

(zooms in on Mike AGAIN as Hopper says ‘changing’, whilst everyone else bikes away)

As Mike bikes away, Hopper begins to say “I don’t want things to change”, and it cuts to Will. TO WILL. Jonathan even gives him a little look I-

“So I think that’s maybe why I came in here,” it says, and Mike literally walks into his living room, obviously upset.

“To try to maybe, stop that change” Karen sees him, and he immediately walks in for a hug. 

It continues, but these shots of Mike were not random. And it parallels this scene (in which Mike is crying about Will, not El.)

ANyways, thank u for listening, I am done. if u want me to ‘analyse’ anymore byler/other teleplays/scenes I am happy too.

have a great day, and happy stranger things watching :)

[welovetotry]

If Mike isn’t queer, then why is he pretty explicitly queer coded? Why include all these details (keep in mind the Duffers don’t just include random things, every Easter egg is intentional) like a one-way sign to the closet, regularly staring at his best friend’s lips, being ridiculously confused after El kissed him in season 3, and so much more (enough to fill a power point hundreds of pages long)? Why the tender and emotional music? Did the Duffers just accidentally include the same music as Lumax and Jopper, two canon ships?Why does the cast ship Byler? Why make him have a full on gay panic around Will (his best friend since Kindergarten) that cannot be properly explained by just them “growing apart?”It’s one thing to be “nervous and awkward around feelings,” but why does he go out of his way to find the one Valentine’s Day card in all of Hawkins that says “I like you, happy valentines”? Why are most intense, romantically coded moments between Mike and Will initiated by Mike throughout the show? Why have the Duffers intentionally mirrored El and Will in such an extreme way down to blocking, music choices, specific lines? Why turn off your comments if you’re so confident in your position? Mike being at least bi isn’t a “stretch” or over-analysis; you don’t need to spend time in the trenches on Byler tumblr to go, “huh, maybe we’re meant to read this as a love triangle.” The theories are great, but the best form of evidence is the show itself. Even before I got into the theories, I’ve always said, “This is one of the most transparently bisexual characters I’ve ever seen” (now I think he’s likely gay with comphet, but that’s beside the point). You say he’s always pined for El for four seasons, but he’s also pined for Will for four seasons so…

Ahh, sorry about the comments being turned off, I didn't realise they were, I'm pretty sure the last time I posted on here was before that was even a feature. As for everything else, that's the exact sort of thing I mean when I say reading too much into things. I don't really think that Mike has been queer coded, at least not compared to Will's queer coding. Will being queer was always alluded to from day one, from Lonnie's and the bullies’ comments about him, to his lack of attention towards girls in general. But Mike's crush on Eleven was obvious from season one simultaneously, from Lucas and Nancy teasing him about liking El, to him kissing her and asking her out. I think Mike’s facial expression when Eleven tells him she loves him is more based on him not quite knowing what to say, as he has difficulty expressing his feelings. He always has, even back when he asked Eleven to the Snowball. He stumbled all over his words then too, his awkwardness is just a part of his personality. The tender emotional music does relate to the romantic subtext of the scene, but doesn't necessarily reflect Mike having feelings as well. It's representative of Will's feelings though, definitely. I'm also honestly not sure what moment you mean when you say Mike had gay panic around Will. As for Mike pining for Will for four seasons, I don't really see any evidence of that. Season 1 he wanted to find him, season 2 he wanted to help him, as they both felt alone at the time for different reasons. I would agree that season 2, the two of them had some very meaningful emotional moments, but in season 3, Mike is paying zero attention to Will. That's what their fight was about and that's also what they fought about this season, so no pining there on Mike's part. Listen, I love the Byler ship, I just think it's unrealistic to argue that Mike also reciprocates Will's feelings.

[aetheternity]

Hard pass 2 (Levi x Reader)

I'm a little concerned about how little time I took on the ending for the last part so I'm gonna put a little more time into this one. Hope you guys enjoy. :)

Synopsis: Levi is forced out of his comfy dorm room and in a strange twist of events right into your arms at a college party.

Levi was transfixed to say the least. He'd spent the past hour that he'd been back in his dorm room staring into a freshly made cup of black tea. The small jingling of keys in the door shaking him from his daze.

"Hello, Hello Leviathan." Mike greeted, tossing his bag to the side haphazardly.

Any other time Levi would've rolled his eyes but he just let out an agitated huff.

"Uh oh.. I know that look." Mike announced plopping down onto his unmade bed. "Who's the lucky girl?" He asked his smirk bright.

Levi's hair whipped against his cheek as he turned to Mike. "What are you on about? Who told you?" Probably Hange. Damn four eyes could never keep her mouth shut.

"No one had to." Mike laughed "You've just told me basically everything I need to know. Your distracted gaze when I came in the room, having very little reaction to me calling you Leviathan, your tea cup is still full and my side of the room is still messy." He seemed a little too pleased about that last bit.

"I know you went out tonight." He continued

"And what about it?"

"Who is she?!" Mike stood coming closer to sit on the edge of Levi's desk.

Levi rolled his eyes setting his cup down.

"Come on, I'm curious about some mysterious girl that has Levi Ackerman wrapped around her finger."

"Just shut up already." Levi replied turning his gaze to the window with a small pout.

"Fine, fine I'll shut up." Mike stood heading back towards his side of the room. An idea suddenly popped into his mind and he turned on his heel. "But.. I think I'll give Hange a call. You know.. cause I haven't talked to her in a bit-"

"When did you become so annoying?" Levi grumbled

"You're more aggressive tonight I like it. Is it because of her?"

As much as Levi wanted to fight it, Mike was one of those people that always got information about literally anything if he genuinely wanted it. Even if he didn't find out from Hange or Levi he was definitely going to find out from even the weirdest sources.

"Hange's friend.. she's not ugly I guess.." Levi could feel his face growing warm and he pulled his feet up onto his desk chair to hide it.

Mike laughed obnoxiously, "It's like watching a little kid finding out what a crush is." He chuckled "Super cute. So when are you going to ask her out?"

"Never."

Mike crossed the room again, seating himself on his bed. "You can't be serious! This is the first time I've ever seen you interested in girls and you're just gonna let her get away?"

"Stay out of my business, Michelangelo."

Mike just huffed reaching into his pocket to pry his phone out of his pocket. The room quickly grew quiet as Levi turned to his laptop though he was quickly distracted again by Mike's little chuckles. He turned his head in Mike's direction quickly catching the other male's gaze.

"By the way, Hange agrees with me." He said pointing to his phone.

Levi groaned, tugging at his hair. "Eat shit."

~ ~ ~ ~

Levi stared down at his watch with a soft tch.

It was 4pm and Hange was late again. He turned to Erwin who's face was currently pressed into a book. Thumb sliding along the sentences as he read.

"Where the hell is she?" He grumbled, shaking his mouse back and forth as the screen began to dim.

"She said she had to do something after class so she'd be a little late." Erwin replied, without looking up from his book.

"That's her excuse every time." Levi replied with a roll of his eyes.

Erwin just shrugged. Hange was always late. Sometimes she just showed up 30 minutes late with no real explanation and sometimes she showed up an hour late saying she had, had something to do after class. But every time the three of them got together to study she was late.

"Yo! Levi!" Hange greeted as she walked into the library ignoring the chorus of shushing that followed her.

Levi's scowl deepened, "Were you stuck on the toilet waiting for someone to fuck off?" He asked

"I have a great surprise follow me." She clapped in delight.

Erwin looked to Levi and then in the direction Hange had left in. He slowly pushed his chair out looking at Levi's irritated scowl.

"Are you coming."

"Whatever it is, is definitely stupid knowing Hange." Levi retorted, packing his belongings up in an orderly fashion.

The two of them quickly left before Hange could come back to ruin the peace again. They pushed through the library doors and standing against the wall with a somewhat bashful expression was Y/N with Hange who smiled brightly as if she wasn't currently disturbing Levi's peace.

"Oh hello Y/N." Erwin greeted, he looked over at Levi before asking. "What are you doing here?"

"Oh well Hange invited-"

"Ah ha ha! Y/N has homework to do so I figured she could come study with us. Though today me and Erwin have a thing." She quickly grabbed Erwin's arm yanking him over to her.

"But I was-" Erwin tried but was instantly silenced by Hange's hand over his mouth.

"You and Levi can study. Levi's great with everything! Right Levi? Ok me and Erwin will go now, by you two!"

"Hange!" Levi tried, his face already flushed with heat over the whole situation. Hange was surprisingly fast though, managing to drag Erwin away so quick they were a couple of dots within seconds.

Levi and Y/N stood in silence for a couple seconds before Y/N let out a deep exhale. "I feel as though we've been set up." She says, toying with the zippers on her back.

Levi can only manage a grunt in reply. Not daring to look into her eyes. "Well I mean.." she starts turning to Levi. "I actually do.. have to study so.. I wouldn't mind if you don't." She shrugged

"Mm.." Levi pulled open the library door for Y/N and lead her over the seats that him and Erwin had been sitting in only moments before.

He made a mental note as he opened his laptop again to keep the door locked next time Hange said she was coming over. Around 10 minutes went by of complete silence and Levi was incredibly happy for it.

Not because he was focusing, no his attention had been completely taken away from any possible work he could've gotten done here. There was no way he was actually going to be able to do anything when your scent was trapped in his nose and his eyes kept staring over his screen at your fingers.

Knuckles that Levi honestly wanted to kiss and fingernails completely devoid of dirt which Levi was instantly captivated by.

"Hey-"

He sat up straight, his own hands slightly curling around the aged wood of the table. Your book came sliding toward him and he looked down at it before looking back at you.

"I don't really get this? Could you help me a bit?"

Levi nodded before his brain could properly process what you'd asked. He almost thought he imagined the way your lip tucked itself under your teeth. And he felt dazed as your scent washed over him all at once as you slid into the seat next to him.

You pointed to your book and Levi tried to pay attention to your question but your notes threw him a bit. All the words were written in different colors and there were squiggly lines around definitions and texts. Small doodles between paragraphs as a way to properly space them and stars next to the most important words.

You scratched at your scalp and he took notice. "I paid attention when my professor was going over this I swear. But I don't really get it?? It can't be as difficult as I'm making it in my head." Your giggle of nervousness took Levi back a little.

The warm pit in his chest deepened and he sighed, trying to accurately assess the situation.

"Y-you made a small.. mathematical error." He explained, his fingers pointed to the equation as he tried to push away the ball in his throat. "You don't need these numbers."

Her smile hit Levi like a truck as it was instantly directed towards him. "Ah, you're so smart." Y/N said "What about this? I checked with the calculator but my answer was way off."

It was hard for Levi to ignore the way your shoulder rubbed up against his sending sparks all through his body like a tidal wave. It was honestly a little overwhelming.

"Oh sorry, am I too close?" You moved away and Levi gulped. He stared at your fingers, he didn't want you to move away.

He was surprised when he looked up and instantly made eye contact with you. "Stay." It probably didn't come out the way he'd wanted but he'd managed it and on some level he was proud of himself.

You smiled, "Sure."

After a while Levi felt himself loosen up a bit but the knot in his stomach was still very much there and alive. He found himself chuckling at your little jokes and he was mostly able to look you in the eyes. (As long as you didn't smile directly at him).

The first hour had been studying with small quips from your end that Levi found he enjoyed. Though around the third hour it turned into horror stories about present and past roommates.

Your laugh was so bright as you tapped your pen cap against the table. "And then Sasha just cracks the window open though it's definitely too late cause Connie had already created a war zone in our room." You were shaking so much from laughter that Levi was honestly a little worried you'd fall out of your chair.

He shook his head where he was resting it in his palm. "I still think Mike forgetting the do not disturb sign was worse." He shrugged

"Mm well maybe someday I'll have a story that bad. Considering Connie and Sasha have been playing a dangerous game of cat and mouse for two years now."

Levi shook his head. "You don't want to walk in on your roommate having sex. No one does.."

He felt his cheeks flush over again. Whether it was from the story or the way you'd playfully pushed his shoulder though he couldn't tell. He watched as you positioned yourself back in the seat next to him.

"Ok, ok. You told me about your roommates relationships. Now tell me about yours."

"What?"

Y/N playfully rolled her eyes. "You know the in and out of Levi. I'm curious."

Levi's gaze fell to the table. "There's nothing to tell."

Y/N's voice immediately softened. "Sorry, didn't mean to try and pull it out of you."

Levi picked up his head closing his laptop. "I-I just.. never felt that way.." he tried

"Not everyone goes to college and high school and stuff for the parties, drugs and sex." You said, laying your elbows against the desk. "I commend you for having a goal and sticking with it."

Levi's heart stuttered at your words. "Did you come.. or well.. umm? What did you-"

He was interrupted by your hand on his shoulder again. "To answer your question." You leaned in closer your breath tickling Levi's earlobe. "Yes I did come specifically for the drugs."

Levi's eyes practically bulged out of his head. This time when you laughed you were met with shushing and stares. "Sorry." You whispered, popping a hand over your mouth. "I'm completely joking." You then said to Levi who's shoulders relaxed with the information.

Levi's signature deadpanned expression was starting to make an appearance now. "That's not funny."

"Hmm.. well I'm laughing so." Y/N laid her head on the table.

"Your humor is shit." He said

"Funny you say that." She laughed back a smirk was playing at Levi's lips. "Hey." Y/N broke the lingering silence.

"What?"

"Give me your number."

"Tch, nice way to ask."

Y/N pretended to be shocked. "Oh, would you prefer I beg?"

Levi already knew how red his entire face had become. No need to check a mirror. "H-hand me your p-phone."

Unsurprisingly even her phone wa as cute. And Levi honestly wanted to admire the case and how warm it felt after being in your pockets. Oh.. you'd touched it with your warm hands. Levi couldn't help but think about how warm your hands must feel. How the spaces between your fingers looked so perfect. Like they-

"Hey." A voice shook Y/N and Levi.

"Jean, what're you doing here?" Y/N asked as she stood moving closer to him.

"You've been gone all day. I had to ask Sasha where you were."

"No, you didn't because you didn't need to come here." Y/N crossed her arms over her chest, pulling her hands into the sleeves of her hoodie. Her eyebrows scrunched together.

"Who's this?" Jean asked gesturing to Levi with his head. Levi felt his chest flare a little.

"Ugh, it doesn't matter because it has nothing to do with you!" She quickly grabbed her bag stuffing her notebook inside. "I'll talk to you later Levi." She explained her face still completely unamused. And with that she was pushing Jean out the door following him right out.

Levi's fingers dug into his palm. Who was that? It couldn't have been her boyfriend right? No, no that didn't make sense.

He started to pack up himself when he noticed your pretty phone sat next to his ordinary black one.

~ ~ ~ ~

Levi practically slammed into his dorm room scaring Mike who had his music blasting. Levi set his bag down on his chair, placing his phone on the desk.

"Hey man." Mike greeted as Levi quickly unpacked his other stuff. "I heard Hange forced you to go on a study date."

"I'm going to murder her." Levi turned, practically slamming his notebook into the desk. So hard that he could've sworn Mike jumped.

"Yeah what else is new?" He laughed trying to clear the air. "But did you at least get in close?"

Levi rolled his eyes. "She's.. there's this guy.."

Mike grew quiet for a few seconds. "You think she's with him?"

Levi normally wouldn't indulge Mike like this but his chest felt so tight that he was pretty sure he was going to burst. "She didn't seem happy to see him. She was like rolling her eyes when he came."

"Maybe he's just some guy then?"

"What if he isn't?"

"By the way you're describing it they'll break up soon anyway." Mike said "But that's great my plan worked."

Levi narrowed his eyes, "The library thing was you?"

Mike shrugged, "Hey, It could've been worse! Hange wanted to lock you guys in a supply closet for the night."

"Sleep with one eye open." Levi huffed, placing your phone down on his desk.

Mike immediately noticed, sitting up and placing his own phone to the side. "Don't tell me you murdered her and stole her phone for having a boyfriend that wasn't you." He chuckled

"Tch, she accidentally left it."

"How are you gonna return it?"

"I'll ask Hange for her dorm number tomorrow and I'll hand it over then."

"Ooo, well I would tell you not to go looking through her phone while you have it. But you're not like me so.." Mike shrugged, laying down with both hands holding his phone above his head.

Levi looked at Mike and then at your phone sitting on his desk. He silently looked away, putting away the rest of his stuff with a huff.

[blxetsi]

Hi there! I love your work!! So I know this sounds a little niche but, could we get headcanons for a reader in a polyamorous relationship with Hange and Miche please? Hope you’re having a really good day!

NO BEXAUSE IVE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEINE TO REQUEST POLYAMOROUS STUFF OMGGGGG 😭 ty for your service anon it means a lot 😔🙏

hange and mike dating headcanons (canonverse)

zoë hange x gn!reader x mike zacharias

warnings: polyamorous relationship, and titans ??, reader is kinda innocent ?? like just easily wound up

also this is going to be SO fucking long and focused on hange for the first long bit sorry !

btw this isnt rlly dating headcanons so much as backstory, how you met, and shit leading up to actually getting together i went so fucking overboard and went the complete opposite way of what you asked ill do a part two with ACTUAL dating headcanons if youd like anon just tell me and ill do it

- i think you wouldve worked for garrison originally

- in season one when hange started the experiments on sawney and bean thats when you would've met them

- you had been a big fan of their research studies for a while, so being in front of someone you thought was so cool was a little nerve wracking

- you had just became newly appointed as a captain for a garrison squad, being one of the youngest recruits to get the position, which also meant some people thought you couldnt handle the job

- you were good at telling others what to do, and guiding them when needed, you took over the leader role very quickly, you had to if you wanted to keep the position

- although you thought you were a good leader, others didnt

- specifically older members of garrison who thought because you were so young, youd be naive

- and since you were a garrison captain, you worked closely with hange and moblit during their experiments

- any request they made for supplies or anything, went through you and youd get it for them

- they needed more help ? youre requesting three soldiers to the experimentation zone immediately. anything they needed you helped with, because you liked helping

- hange had quickly grown fond of you, they were so thankful that you were so willingly to have your squad help them. you remember the brunette grabbing your hand and saying "thank you for your dedication to this project and to science !" while bowing multiple times

- as unsanitary and childish as it was,,, you didnt wash that hand for a day

- hange saw how some members of your squad treated you, and it may have irked them a bit

- causing them to rant to moblit while writing down research data

- "hange." "i just dont get it, why dont they say anything ? theyre so nice so why dont people respect them like they should-" "hange !" "what ?!" "youre writing down captain l/n's name on your page !" "so what ?!- wait what" this causes a night of bickering between the two of them 😐🤚

- when sawney and bean died hange was devastated. you had grown to like the section commander as a friend and respected them greatly, so to see their hardwork and research all go down the drain was hard

- you immediately went into leader mode and started ordering your squad around "listen up ! i want this whole perimeter checked and searched for any evidence to help us find out who did this." a couple members groaned, and one man, who was in his early thirties made a comment about it. "theyre just stupid fucking titans. we're supposed to kill them, not keep them alive for some freak to experiment on them."

- yknow,, looking back on it maybe you shouldnt have went off on them the way you did, but you did because not only was the man questioning your authority and orders, he was blatantly disrespecting a section commander. "i am your captain. i am your leader. you will respect me, and you will listen to me. you either do i say or youll be suspended and taken off my squad immediately. and that goes for everyone ! do i make myself clear ?" you shouted. the man who had talked back raised his eyebrows, youd never once yelled or demanded things be done in a manner like this, and it clearly shocked him when you stood up for yourself.

- a bunch of murmurs came from your squad and you dismissed them, but not before stepping in front of your soldier in front of everyone. "between you and me ? you should be discharged for not only your blatant disrespect and defiance to me for months now, but also for your innapropriate and degrading comments about section commander hange. you wanna pull some shit like this in the future, not just to me but to anybody ? you should kiss your position in garrison squad goodbye, since youre too childish to keep your thoughts and opinions to yourself. now grow the fuck up and go do what ive asked please." the man looked scared as he stared at you, no one had seen you act like this before, his jaw clenched as he nodded and walked off, the rest of your squad dispersing with him

- you didnt notice hange calling your name until you felt their hand on your shoulder. you turned around and saw their sympathetic gaze on you. "thank you for defending me. are you okay ?"

- you rubbed the back of your neck and answered. "honestly ? i feel kind of bad, like i embarassed him or something." the survey corps leader tilted their head back as they laughed. "youre so kind y/n, but im proud of you." the comment, although lighthearted, struck a cord with you

- a couple days later you were requested to meet with not only the section commander but commander smith, as well as your superior, dot pixis

- the meeting only lasted about thirty minutes, but hange had boasted about not only your leadership skills but also your knowledge and ideas on various sciences. erwin decided to offer you a position to work under hange, and dot pixis agreed to have you transferred to the survey corps if you agreed.

- did your decision have to do with your crush on hange ? maybe. would you ever admit it ? no.

- pixis explained to you that youd be honorably disharged from the garrison regiment before being moved to the scouts' headquarters in trost

- you surprisingly got along well with others there. working in hanges squad was fun, and even though you were demoted from a captain back to a cadet you didnt mind

- hange had offered to share as much knowledge as they could with you, which led you to be in their office (as messy as it was) after work hours

- and thats where you met mike

- well, got to know him

- hange introduced you two when you first joined and the first thing the section commander did was NOT shake the hand you held out for him but to lean down and sniff around your hair and neck

- your face felt hot as you stuttered over your words, thrown off by his,,, unique, greeting

- hange and laughed and lightly pushed him away, before explaining to you that thats just what mike did

- back to being in hanges office

- for nights on end youd stay up together in their office, two chairs huddled beside one another while you read through books of research, not just from hange but from published scientists and anthropologists too

- mike had started joining you two only three days after you and hange started

- he would stay quiet, but would sit next to hange making them be sandwiched by the two of you

- after that you started to notice him more often

- down the halls he'd send you a small smile, which you brightly returned

- sometimes he'd be in charge of training that day, and he would wordlessly help you position your arms to properly block or punch when sparring with other members

- then he started bringing tea when he would come and listen to you and hange discuss different theories, articles and information together

- you didnt even know the two were dating until you accidentally walked in on them in hange's office

- they werent doing anything dirty, just giving each other a kiss, but you had walked in on them with a stack of papers captain levi told you to give to hange.

- you kinda,, stood there, slackjawed, while the two pulled apart slowly to look at you. hange had a mischievous grin on their face while mike just gave you a blank stare

- you dropped the papers. the stack of documents levi tasked you to give to hange. you dropped them. How Embarassing.

- your face began to feel hot not just from seeing them but also because youre embarassing yourself by dropping the papers and just standing there like an IDIOT

- "uh,,, i- captain levi said to give you those documents you requested." your voice cracked at the end making you wince

- "you mean the documents that are spread out on my floor now ?" hange asked. you looked between them and the floor, then at mike, then back to the floor than back at hange. "yes." you said, and you could feel that warmth in your face spreading to your ears now too. "im sorry." you exclaimed, your voice sounding strained as you quickly walked backwords and closed the door in front of you

- you started avoiding hange and mike after that, and became hyper aware of everything that they did. they were TAUNTING YOU 🙄 you could feel it

- instead of small smiles in the halls, after you started ducking your head down when you saw mike, he would now give you head pats when you crossed him

- hange would let their hand linger on your shoulder or side as they shuffled past you during meetings or experiments, and would come closer than usual when handing you documents

- mike would give you teasing smiles when you got your ass handed to you during sparring

- and finally you were fed up ! did this count as workplace harassment ? you didnt know but you wanted answers ! so you went to the source, hange's room after dinner

- you didnt bother knocking, you just walked in with your eyes closed

- hange giggled, "what are you doing y/n ?" "making sure im not walking into something i shouldnt be seeing, section commander." "by that do you mean the kiss mike and i shared ?" "yes." "well we're not kissing right now." they said, and you peaked one eye open to be sure they werent lying, and they werent !

mike stood up from his chair and slowly made his way past you, closing the door. you took a deep breath before throwing all of your word vomit on blond and brunette duo. "so i dont know why you guys think teasing me like this is fun, but it isnt. it makes me flustered and nervous and feel weird and im not sure if it counts as abuse of power but i dont like it so it needs to stop." you huffed in a big breath of air after saying all of that, and hange rested their head in their hands.

"y/n do you have a crush on me ?" they asked. their voice was soft but they still had that stupid smile on their face. you could feel your face getting warmer by the second. your mouth opened and closed but no words came out.

" i uh, im gonna leave now." you turned around but hit something hard, and looked up at mike looking down on you, a smirk on his face. he put his hands on your shoulders and turned you back around to hange, walking the two of you over to their desk. he gave you a slight push, causing you to put your hands on the desk and lean on it, while mike kept his hands on you to keep you from running.

hange leaned into you, your noses barely touching. "i only ask because, mike and i have grown very fond of you." they said. you nodded a little bit, the tips of your noses brushing against each other.

"yeah well, id be a little sad if my superiors didnt like me, that would be kind of bad." you replied.

"can i kiss you ?" they asked.

and now is when your brain really stops functioning. thoughts fill your mind of mike and his relationship to hange. are they actually together or is it a friends with benefits kind of thing ?

"i uh, i cant kiss you." you replied, a bit breathlessly caused by both section commanders.

"why not y/n ?"

"well i'm not a cheater, or a homewrecker. i mean i assume that you and mike are together so, im not going to kiss someone in a relationship." you stammered out. this was making you very nervous, butterflies errupting in your stomach. you knew they were just teasing you, goofing around to make you flustered, but a part of you hoped youd be able to kiss hange, and maybe mike for that matter.

they chuckled a bit, before their brown eyes looking behind you to mike's towering form. "honey, can you tell y/n its okay if they kiss me ?" they asked. mike let out a small laugh through his nose before leaning down.

"only if y/n promises to give me a kiss afterwards." he whispered. he pressed a faint kiss to your temple, and you shivered from the contact. he was warm, very warm, and even though it was such a small amount of contact it did so many things to you.

you gulped before bringing your eyes back to hange. you looked to their eyes, and then to their lips, and continued that pattern silently in hopes theyd understand. you didnt want to be teased anymore ! you wanted something to happen.

hange got the hint and smirked, before leaning in again and lightly brushing her lips against yours. theirs were soft compared to mikes chapped ones, and the kiss was so slow, so innocent, it had you leaning in for more. it was a slow, lazy kiss, a kiss to test the waters, it helped calm your nerves, but also made your nerved explode with heat.

finally the researched pulled away, and put their hands on your cheeks, squishing them to pucker your lips, before giving a kiss to your forehead, nose and lips one last time. they let go with a soft smile on their face, and a blush of their own.

you could feel mike press his body down against yours, making your knees buckle slightly. he took his right hand off your shoulder to place it on hange's cheek, thumbing over the red pigmentation. he then turned your head up and to the side, before giving you a kiss of his own. this one was a bit more dominating, hard. his chapped lips scratched against your own but you didnt mind. in a weird way it made you feel at ease, having him take control of it, the same way hange did but his was just more, needy.

he pulled back with a shaky breath and looked at you before looking at hange. "so y/n," hange began. they stood up and made their way around the table, mike pulling himself and you up straight so hange could sit on the edge, pulling you in to stand between their legs. being sandwiched in between mike and hange made you so aware of them, and even though you were very new to something like this you felt weirdly safe and secure. "mike and i genuinely care about you, and we want to be with you the way that we're with each other. would you like that ?"

honestly, how could you say no ?

thats it again im sorry the anon who requested this you did not get what you asked for 😭😭😭😭 hope u all enjoyed requests r open stay safe

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

Social Media AU - Richie Tozier comes out during a show

I decided that this AU works better with a written headcanon to go with it, and so I’ve included it underneath the cut. It’s a little rough because it’s been a LONG time since I sat down and properly wrote something, but I tried!

Enjoy!

Holy shit.

He couldn’t believe he’d done that.

Jesus fucking Christ.

His manager was talking shit in his ear, prowling after him like fuck knows what, talking about “there’ll be backlash for this” and “not part of the plan”, and even “you’ve ruined your whole fucking career”. The usual stuff, really. Richie couldn’t bring himself to give a shit though, not right now. His heart was pounding ridiculously loud in his chest, blood rushing through him and making him feel dizzy – adrenaline mostly, but also some anxiety too.

Somehow he found himself in his backstage dressing room, manager still nagging him and furiously demanding answers. Pull it together, Tozier, pull it together.

“What in God’s name were you thinking?!” Brad hissed, slamming his hand down on the dressing table; the bottle of water next to the mirror topped slightly from the force of it. “This is a PR nightmare!”

“I don’t give a shit,” Richie said simply, giving a shrug. “What can I say, man? Gotta be true to myself.”

A vein seemed to throb in his manager’s forehead. “You just announced that you’re gay in front of hundreds of people, Richie, most of whom are within the demographic that are the least accepting of homosexuality! You think you’re the first gay person to be in this position? Because you’re fucking not, okay, there’s a reason PR is a thing! Your image is going to be ruined within just a few short hours of all of this!”

“So you want me to lie about it?” Richie snapped. “I’m done lying, okay? I’m done with the dumb girlfriend jokes, I’m done with the misogynistic shit that I’m having to recite, I’m fucking done! I shouldn’t be ashamed about this, it’s 2017 for fuck sake!”

“Alright, sure, it’s a more accepting time, but your fan base...in case it escaped your notice, you have a certain demographic, and it’s not ‘woke’ gay people. The people who came to your show tonight wanted to see the Richie Tozier they know and love, they wanted those jokes and that humor - not your life story and an impromptu coming out!”

“Well, tough shit to them - like I said, if I’m doing these shows, I’ll do it with my own jokes, not hiding who I am anymore.”

“Richie, it’s not that simple-”

There was a knock on the still-open door; a stagehand gawked at them, a little nervously, before clearing her throat. “Um… I’m sorry to interrupt, I… Well… These guests have VIP passes, and they wanted to see Rich- I mean, Mr Tozier right away.”

Behind her, Richie could see the rest of the Losers Club waiting awkwardly, clearly trying not to look at him or his manager. He cleared his throat and gave what he hoped was an at least somewhat polite nod. “Yeah, they’re friends of mine. Thank you. Brad,” He turned to his manager and gave him a meaningful look. “Some privacy please?”

Brad straightened his blazer but nodded too. “Of course. I have...things to try and fix. We’ll discuss this later, Richie.”

He waited until both the stagehand and his manager were out of earshot before gesturing for his friends to come into the dressing room; all of them looked nervous, clearly trying to pretend that they hadn’t overheard the argument, but he couldn’t bring himself to mind - he was just so glad to see them all right now.

“So…” He said, closing the door behind them and trying to look like he was holding it together. “What- What did you think?”

“You were great, Richie,” Bill said sincerely - and that seemed to make the others more comfortable too, judging by how they all started to smile and rush to embrace him.

“You did a wonderful job, Richie,” Beverly told him, giving him a squeeze and beaming at him. “You had us all laughing the entire show.”

Ben was grinning widely. “Far funnier than any of your old material, that’s for sure.”

“You were actually funny,” Stan said, though he was smiling fondly. “Never thought I’d say that, Trashmouth, but it’s true - if only you were that funny when we were kids.”

“Ha, fuck you too, Stan Urine,” Richie joked, but he was unable to stop himself from exhaling in relief. “I’m glad you all enjoyed the show - was kinda worried it wouldn’t get the same laughs as my old stuff.”

“Your old stuff was fake,” Mike brushed off, giving him a kind smile. “We could see it was really you up there, being yourself.”

Richie felt a little dazed by all the attention; he was briefly aware of Bill and Mike both patting him on the back, of Stan and Patty sharing a small laugh as they recounted something he’d said during the show, Audra congratulating him and saying how happy she was to finally meet all of her husband’s friends, Ben grinning widely, Beverly holding his arm and stating that she was so proud-

Eddie.

Fuck.

“Has anyone seen Eddie?” He blurted out, unable to stop himself. Everyone else fell into silence. “Oh shit. Fucking shit-”

“He just went out for some air,” Beverly said quickly, though she looked uncertain. “I think it’s just...a lot for him.”

“I gotta go find him,” Richie muttered, immediately heading for the door. “Fucking fuck...”

Ben’s arm stopped him before he could touch the handle. “Rich, I’m not so sure that’s a good idea.”

“No, I need to apologize to him, I need to explain-”

“Richie,” Bill said quietly. “You just said you’ve been in love with him since we were kids, in front of hundreds of people. Everyone will know by tomorrow, even if they weren’t at tonight’s show. It’s a lot for him to take in.”

Something anxious and vile reared up in Richie’s chest, making him feel like it was difficult to breathe. “I’ve fucked up. I’ve fucked this up, oh fuck...I’m a fucking idiot.”

“Richie-”

“It’s okay, Richie, don’t panic-”

“Shit, what’s he gonna think?! Fuck, I’ve ruined our whole friendship, what the fuck is wrong with me?!”

“You haven’t fucked anything up, Richie.”

“Rich, please just breathe, okay?”

He was only somewhat aware of Beverly’s hand in his arm, gently pulling him over to the nearby chair and sitting him down. “Richie, honey, have some water and just focus on breathing, okay?”

Knowing he had no choice in the matter, he took a gulp from the water bottle she passed him, focusing on her voice and doing his best to push his fears away. Tonight was supposed to have been the opposite of this - he was supposed to be brave, to stand tall, to not be ashamed of who he was. Instead he was terrified, filled with regret and uncertainty.

A part of him was briefly aware of someone (Bill, he figured) saying they were going to find Eddie before stepping out of the room. A minute or so later, he noticed the others starting to filter out of his dressing room, muttering that they were going to give him some space to breathe and not overcrowd him - they’d wait for him outside. He could only hope that security had managed to get any fans waiting out back to go away - normally he didn’t mind signing autographs or saying hello to people, but after tonight’s show...no. He couldn’t.

You’ve really fucked this up, Tozier.

---

Beverly walked with him as they left, her presence welcome and calming; she didn’t speak, and he was grateful for that - he just knew that she understood, that she was on his side no matter what was to come. Then again, he was sure all the Losers would be there for him no matter what - they were like a family, he sometimes thought, a family of misfits and nobodies that found each other, found a group where they could be themselves.

Fuck, he loved his friends so much.

“You want me to drive?” Beverly asked finally when they reached the car park, looking around; the others were nearby, crowded together and talking amongst themselves. “Or do you have a limo these days, Mr Comedian?”

“Hilarious,” He said dryly. “No, but I have a driver sometimes. I can call him and tell him to head home for the night though.” 

They had nearly reached the others before Richie realized that all of his friends were there.

Eddie was there.

His throat closed up. No, no, he couldn’t do this, he couldn’t-

“Eds,” Beverly said softly, giving him a kind smile.

Eddie gave a small nod, hands in his pockets and suddenly looking awkward. “Yeah… Erm… Hi, Richie.”

Everyone was silent. The tension was thick enough to be cut with a knife as they all debated what to do, none of them clearly sure of what to say in this situation. Richie tried to meet Eddie’s eye, only to find the other man staring at the floor resolutely; anxiety and worry gnawed at Richie’s insides at the sight. 

Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime of awkwardness, Mike cleared his throat and looked around at everyone. “How about we go grab a drink?” He prompted. “You know, to celebrate.”

“Sounds like a good idea, Mikey,” Bill sighed with relief, quickly glancing at Richie and Eddie. 

“We’re all booked in the same hotel, right?” Beverly decided quickly, not waiting for an answer before continuing. “How about we go for a drink at the bar? That way none of us need to worry about driving or trying to find our way home.”

The others murmured in agreement, though it was clear that things were still awkward. As they started to make their way out of the car park, Stan and Bill navigating and leading the way, Richie noticed Beverly’s hand leave his arm; before he could question her, however, he found himself face-to-face with Eddie - immediately his throat felt dry, voice mysteriously gone for once in his life.

“Richie.” Eddie’s expression was hard to read; he didn’t seem angry but he didn’t seem happy or pleased either, just...carefully neutral. “Look, we need to… We need to talk.”

“Yeah,” Richie managed. “I guess so.”

Eddie hesitated for a second or two before turning to call to the others over his shoulder. “We’ll meet you guys there.”

None of the other Losers commented on this; instead, Bill merely nodded and gestured in the direction that they were heading. “Sure. Take your time.”

As soon as their friends were far away enough not to overhear, Eddie looked at Richie pointedly. “Is there somewhere private we can go or…?”

“Err… Dressing rooms might still be open?” 

“And we won’t be overheard?”

“No. I have a private dressing room, dude.”

Eddie rolled his eyes at this but gestured back towards the theatre. “Alright, fine. Lead the way, Trashmouth.”

Weirdly enough, the nickname made him feel more comfortable - it was almost like nothing had changed, like he didn’t just admit in front of hundreds of people that he was in love with this man, like he didn’t admit it in front of said man. For a moment, Richie allowed himself to think that everything would be fine; they’d talk it out, maybe be able to laugh it off, and it would be good. Not great, to be honest, but better than this hiding and lying.

---

Thankfully security had allowed him to go back to his dressing room, under the guise that he had “forgotten” something, and they didn’t ask about Eddie accompanying him - awkward questions would have made it much more humiliating for all parties involved, he thought. Richie wasted no time in opening the dressing room door to let Eddie in before closing and locking it for good measure, just to be sure that they wouldn’t be interrupted.

“Here, urgh… You take the chair, I can sit on the table,” He offered.

“Don’t worry about it,” Eddie brushed off, crossing his arms and suddenly avoiding his eye. “I’m kinda too nervous to sit.”

“Oh. Thank fuck, me too.”

He noticed Eddie’s lips quirk upwards, as if he was trying not to let himself smile - that was definitely a good sign. He waited for the other man to speak first, partly to be fair but also because, frankly, he had no idea what to say.

“So… Congrats on coming out?” Eddie finally offered - and then they both burst into laughter. “Fuck, that sounds so dumb.”

“Yeah, but it’s kinda cute,” Richie chuckled before he could stop himself - and then he froze up again. “I mean… I don’t mean…”

Eddie seemed to realize what he meant and his smile faded. “Right. That.”

“I’m so fucking sorry,” Richie said quickly. “I should have told you in private or something, not on a fucking stage in a stand-up routine. I mean, I was going to imply that I’m gay as fuck, that was planned, but I wasn’t going to just put it out there like that, it just happened. And shit, I wasn’t even intending on saying all that about you, but I saw you sitting in the front row and… Jesus, Eddie, I just saw you laughing and I-”

“Richie,” Eddie interrupted, and the other man fell silent. “Look, man, this is all… Okay. Alright.” He closed his eyes for a moment and took a deep breath before speaking again. “What you said during the show about me…about how you feel...you meant it.”

Richie swallowed the lump in his throat. “Yeah, I meant it.”

“Since we were kids?” Eddie continued, waiting for the other man to nod. “Okay… Richie, I swear to God, if this is some practical fucking joke or whatever - something for you to get laughs or make fun of me or whatever dumb shit goes through your head - then I will punch you in the face right fucking now.”

“What? No, no this isn’t a fucking joke!” Richie retorted, almost offended by this accusation. “You think I would say all that shit on-stage in front of hundreds of fucking people just for a joke?! Fuck off.”

“Okay, okay, I know, I’m sorry, I just… It’s a lot to take in,” Eddie muttered. When his friend didn’t say anything, he cast a look at him, seeming to study his face, before sighing. “Rich, I’m not about to turn around and start screaming slurs at you just because you had a crush on me.”

“I didn’t-”

“I can see it on your face, dumbass. Richie,” He leaned over and put a hand on his shoulder. “You’re my friend - one of my best friends, actually. Nothing you say could make me hate you...well, not anymore than I do already.”

Richie gave a small, pained laugh, though the relief was evident on his face. “Right. Yeah. Thanks, Eds.”

For a long moment that seemed to stretch on for a lifetime, neither of them said anything else; Eddie’s hand remained on Richie’s shoulder, the taller man just looking at him gratefully. There was still a nagging feeling within him, something eating up at his insides and wondering if Eddie was just hiding any anger or disgust, maybe he just didn’t want to ruin a good night; they still hadn’t really addressed the whole “hey, I’m in love with my best friend Eddie” thing either, that could be awkward-

“Me too.”

Richie blinked. “What?”

Eddie’s hand fell away, and he merely just shrugged as he looked away from Richie. “Me too. I’m...I’m gay.”

“Oh. Oh. Eddie…”

“During the divorce proceedings with Myra, I...I started to think,” He continued, almost to himself. “Actually, it was before that, before I even left Derry. I would hate myself, you know, for every time I looked at a cute guy too long, every time I thought they were handsome in their best clothes or whatever. I’d push it away because I’d think it was not okay, that I was being disgusting or dirty or…”

Richie was stunned by this, suddenly at a loss for words. “Dirty? Come on, dude, you’re like the cleanest asshole I know - there’s not a microbe of dirt or whatever the fuck on you.”

“Hilarious. Really.” But Eddie wasn’t smiling. “Look, ever since the day we...we defeated IT, I’ve thought about it. I have. I thought about you helping me out before that fucking nightmare of a house collapsed, thought about you dragging my ass to hospital and demanding I get immediate attention, about how brave you were that day. After that I decided that I wanted to be brave too - you made me want to be brave and stand up for myself.” He paused. “That sounds cheesey as fuck, I know, but it’s true. And tonight, when you were telling your own jokes, stuff you’d written and worked hard on, I realized it again - that I want to be brave. I don’t want to be scared to admit it.”

“Really?”

Eddie nodded. “Yeah. But there’s something else, Rich...the only person I told before now is Bev, and that’s because she guessed, you know? She could tell, but I also knew she’d listen and not judge.” He took a deep breath. “When I was in the hospital, every time I woke up, you were there - you refused to leave me. The others would be there too, usually taking turns, but you didn’t do that - you were always there. And before that, when we were stuck in that fucking thing’s lair, I saw you…” His voice failed for a moment, and he hurriedly looked away. “Fuck, Richie, you were under the deadlights and I...I thought I was going to lose you. I couldn’t bear it, Rich - I just couldn’t. I had to do something, I had to save you even if it meant putting myself in danger.”

“Well…” Richie wasn’t sure what to say - this wasn’t how he imagined this conversation going at all. “It worked. I’m not dead.”

“No, I know. But do you get what I’m trying to say, Richie?” Eddie asked anxiously. “Why I’m telling you all this?” 

“I dunno, man,” Richie said dazedly, trying not to get his hopes up - he couldn’t, he couldn’t let himself think one thing and be brought down when it was not true, not if he could help it. “This whole night has been a clusterfuck for me, and I’m not entirely convinced I’m not high and hallucinating right now.”

It wasn’t true - he hadn’t been high in nearly five years, and he’d given up excessive drinking after reuniting with the Losers. He knew Eddie knew that already, but it was the first excuse he found himself latching onto.

“Jesus Christ, Richie.” The smaller man rolled his eyes but remained otherwise serious. “I’m trying to say that I’ve...I’ve liked you since we were kids too. Loved you, actually. God knows why since you’re an idiot who annoys the shit out of me, but damn it, I love you, Richie Tozier.”

“…Fuck.”

“I was never going to tell you,” Eddie admitted, folding his arms and looking rather uncomfortable. “Even though I decided I was going to try to be brave, that I wasn’t going to keep up with a sham of a marriage, I thought that you weren’t…you know. And I thought that even if you were, then I’d be the last one you’d want to be with.” Strangely, he gave a smile. “Fucking dumb, right?”

Richie nodded. “Very fucking dumb. Jesus, Eddie, do you not see the way I’ve been looking at you? Fuck, there’s been days you’ve given me boners in public just because I was thinking about you.”

“Urgh, too much information, asshole,” Eddie huffed – but the affection behind it was obvious, his facial expression softening. “So…where does this leave us, Richie? What happens next?”

“Next?” Richie considered this. “Well, being honest, I’d love to take you out and do this shit properly, but…”

“But?”

He hesitated, giving the other man a surprisingly serious look. “But that’s your choice – if you wanna stay friends, I respect that.”

To his surprise, Eddie huffed before stepping forwards; before Richie could say anything else, he was being kissed firmly on the mouth, hands cupping his face and pulling him close. He wasted no time in closing his eyes and kissing him back, his heart soaring as his entire body came alive.

For the first time all night, the panic and anxiety that had set him on edge flowed away completely: all he felt was exhilaration and relief – and love, love for this man in his arms. Suddenly it didn’t matter about what anyone else thought – whether ‘fans’ would send him hate online, how this could impact his entire career, his manager hounding him with how much he’d regret this – because none of it was important, not as important as this, as finally being able to hold the person he loved, who he’d always loved, and being able to be open with himself as well as those closest to him.

Yeah, Richie thought to himself blissfully, he didn’t regret his decision in the slightest.

[colorfullfalls]

Me & You- part 2

Summary: Harry and Y/N have been dating for a few months when Michael invites them over for a small dinner party.

Chocolate cake, double decker, vanilla frosting with the words “Let’s be fucking happy” on top sat upon the large marble counter. Old friends leaned around it discussing memories and ideas, laughing often and smiling even more.

Shoes messily scattered Michael’s walk in room where his guests hastily discarded them- caring more about hugs than shoe placement. Coats were thrown over the bench beside the door, the top two close to toppling over on the floor. Michael and Crystal didn’t mind at the hint of a mess. In fact no one even really noticed, besides Y/N.

She bent over at the hip as she grabbed matching pairs of shoes and lined them up together neatly on the soft black rug. She hummed in satisfaction when the last pair was set in place. Her eyes caught sight of the coats and she moved to fix those into place too.

Truth was, she didn’t give a damn about the messiness of Mike’s house. Well she did, but that wasn’t what her issue was. Calum brought Maya to this stupid get together and she didn’t want to be around them just yet.

Over the months Calum and Y/N got back into the groove they experienced most of their lives, but this time without the romantic agony of pinning after the other helplessly at opposite intervals. The pair was good, but Y/N still didn’t really know Maya. Truth was she was too embarrassed after how Maya first saw her talk to Calum. That was the first impression and it was a rotten one.

Maya seemed nice and of course there wasn’t bad blood, but Y/N still felt like an outsider as she moved to organize the coats better. Maya and Calum came to these dinner parties in the months that Y/N was leaning on Harry for support.

The boys still invited Y/N to get together the whole time but she took the time away that she felt she needed to properly move on. And she loved the boys but the time away allowed her to heal and create a wonderful bond with Harry.

“Having fun down there?”

Y/N sheepishly set the coats down and craned her head upwards to look at the person standing above her.

Luke.

Y/N awkwardly laughed, letting go of the coats and letting her hands fall lamely into her lap. She was caught trying to distance herself from the group.

“Y/N, why are you in here organizing our belongings when you could be in the kitchen having wine and a good ole time?” He joked, blue eyes offering true friendship, consideration, and kindness.

Luke was always so freaking kind, just a really good friend all around.

“I don’t fit in anymore.” She mumbled in embarrassment, “I feel like... I don’t know, I was away for so long that I lost my spot.”

Luke sighed as he struggled to navigate his lanky body to sit with his knees up to his chest on the floor across from her. His back rested against the wall comfortably.

“Y/N, you’re our sister: we love you and you’ll always be one of us.. are we doing something particular to make you feel like this?”

Y/N shrugged, playing with the fray string on her favorite black and gray sweater. A sweater that Harry bought her the other day when she said she needed one. She kept slipping money in his wallet for it but he always caught her and demanded she take it back. Truth was, Harry spoiled her rotten.

“Not specifically. It’s not even your fault. I just feel like you guys have a groove now and I’m messing it up. It’s silly.”

“It’s not silly at all.” Luke’s hand grasped onto her knee and gave a comforting squeeze, “I’m glad you came tonight. We’re glad.”

Y/N smiled, nodding her head. “Okay.”

“Let’s go back into the kitchen.” He helped her stand and together they walked back to the kitchen.

Michael was laughing as he leaned over the counter, Crystal was rubbing his back lovingly as she giggled along with him. Calum was sitting on a barstool with Maya leaning against his left side, her arm wrapped around his neck, playing with the little tuffs of hair. Ashton and Kaykay were painting digging around in the fridge. Sierra turned when she heard the pair walk in and a charming smile graced her lips.

“There you are.” Sierra said, announcing the new entry into the kitchen.

Y/N blushed as she crossed her arms and leaned against the wall across from the counter, “I was organizing the shoes...”

Luke laughed, “Yeah she was, and the coats. Little nerd.” He pushed her and she fell into the wall. She smiled slightly as she pushed away his hands.

“We thought maybe Harry finally showed up.” Ashton said, turning from the fridge with a can of Pepsi in his hands. Kaykay grabbed the can from him and opened it, taking a sip and grinning.

“Nope, he should be here soon though. He was working out a song with Sarah.” Y/N explained, shuffling over to stand between Sierra and Crystal.

Crystal patted Y/N back as she walked over. The girls were really kind and understanding through out her trying to get over Calum. They would always invite her to girls nights and would call her regularly to check in and to distract her from the heart break. And they were her biggest supporters when they discovered that Harry and her were an item.

“Sarahs the drummer, right?” Cal asked, looking right into her eyes.

“Yeah, she’s an amazing drummer. And an even cooler person.”

“She seems so. One time I visited for a show and the guards wouldn’t let me backstage and she recognized me. Took me with her. She’s super nice.” Michael recalled the memory.

“Ha, me at your shows. One time the guard called me a groupie and wouldn’t let me in for the first half of your show until the members of Hey Violet realized I was missing. That was some bullshit.. but going back to Sarah, she’s honestly the best.”

“Oi, you can date her then.”

Harry stood in the doorway, two bottles of wine resting comfortable in his hands. His smug grin made him all the more attractive as he gazed into his girlfriends eyes.

Y/N felt the weight of the world fall off her shoulders as she took him in. He was so fucking beautiful. His jeans and gray hoodie looked casual and so domestic. She wanted to curl into him and explain that he made her feel more herself than when she was with anyone.

“Bout time you showed up with that wine.” Crystal said, moving around everyone to grab the two bottles as Mike grabbed the glasses from the top shelf.

Harry walked behind Y/N and slid his arms over her shoulders, pressing a kiss to her forehead and leaning his chin against her head. Her nose took in the natural smell of Harry, closing her eyes momentarily to let it settle the nerves.

“How’d it go at the studio?” She quietly muttered, leaning slightly against his tattooed arms. The very arms that were almost like home.

“Swell. We got most of the music written, I think you’d love the feel of it. Sarah made sure the rhythm was sturdy and it ties it all together.” He explained, nodding a thank you at Crystal as he bent over Y/N to grab her and him a glass of wine.

“That’s great, Har. I wish you’d let me hear it..” Y/N grabbed the glass and took a sip.

Harry snorted, taking a sip as well, “You will. When it’s finished, dork. Already told ya that.”

“Mi mi mi mi mi” she mocked, elbowing him lightly in the ribs, “all I hear when you talk.”

Maya burst into laughter, wine falling down her chin- hand coming up to cup it from falling on the floor. Calum smiled in confusion as she grabbed her a napkin.

“Y/N, you kill me. Your sass is unmatched.” She said, wiping her mess up. Maya smiled towards her and Y/N felt herself shooting one back.

“Yeah, it’s bloody endearing until it’s aimed at you.” Y/N knew Harry was bluffing because he was in love with everything about her. She knew this because he only told her every day.

“Imagine how we feel.” Ash deadpanned.

“You should feel lucky that you got to know me all of these years, and especially since I put up with your boyish bullshit for years while on tour. A moment of peace never existed.”

Ashton blushed, crossing his arms, “Yeah, yeah. Rub it in some more that you took care of us like a mom.”

“I’d say so. You guys would crawl in my bunk when you were home sick.” Y/N said, finishing her wine in one big gulp, “play with my hair, Y/N. Rub my back, Y/N. Talk about home, please, Y/N/N.”

“Wow, thanks for fucking exposing our manly composures in front of our women!” Michael yelled, throwing someone’s IPhone charger at her.

Harry’s reflexes must’ve kicked in because his hand grasped the thick cord before it could come in contact with his lover’s face. She hummed in appreciation, slipping her hand under his sweater and rubbing her thumb over his arm.

“Babe, we are well aware that you guys are softies. She didn’t expose shit. I’m sure she could if you really wanted her to-“

Before Crystal could finish all the boys were quickly shouting out no. Y/N knew the darkest dirtiest, most horridly embarrassing moments of them and they rather not share those right now.

“What’s with the cake?” Harry asked as he set his wine glass down and moved away from Y/N to get a better look at it. He chuckled in amusement as he read the lettering upon the creamy frosting.

“A lot is happening in our lives, and I figured we could just take a night to celebrate our success, happiness, friendship, and creativity. You’re all beautiful and deep souls that I’m glad to have the pleasure of knowing.” Sierra said, wrapping her arms around one of Luke’s.

Sierra’s words were genuine and Y/N felt emotional. She was dumb to think that she wasn’t loved anymore by her friend group. They were good, loyal people that saw her heart and adored her as she was. Awkward tension between her and Cal for a few months wouldn’t ruin the unconditional bond. She felt guilty for pushing herself back in the first place. It wasn’t fair to the group and especially not Calum and Maya.

Y/N should’ve been honest about her feelings. Calum deserved to have known and instead it blew up in her face. She was attempting to shelter herself but her lack of actions was really what wounded her.

Shit worked in crazy way. First heartbreak and then a euphoric relationship with Harry motherfucking Styles? Y/N knew things worked out in the way it was meant to. And she felt bad that so much time was wasted when she could’ve gotten to still see Calum and created a friendship with Maya.

Y/N’s eyes wandered to Calum’s as cheering of concurrent glee filled the kitchen. His brown eyes held the upmost love as his lips quirked into a small smile. He made a kissy face and she let out a content sigh.

Kissy face was their signal of saying “I love you, you’re my best friend.”

It was created when they first started touring and they were embarrassed to say it in front of the boys. The action was used at the most important times when sometimes the words wouldn’t mean as much as the mere gesture.

Y/N made a kissy face back, feeling her lips tremble a bit from trying not to cry from the emotions of relief and joy flood through her veins.

“Cut this bitch up! I wanna slice. The one on that corner? Fuck yeah. Dibs.” Ash said, poking his finger in it to seal the spoken claim.

Calum laughed, dropping his head into his hand. Y/N playfully rolled her eyes at the duo. Ashton could blink and Calum would find it hilarious. The two men shared a beautiful companionship. Y/N knew that she was calums best friend, but after her was Ashton followed closely by Roy, Luke, and Mike tied.

“Nasty.” Harry teased, “you gonna have some?” He asked the woman trapped again in his loving embrace.

“Yep, are you?”

Harry snorted, “My love, you underestimate me. Fuck, it looks so good, but not as good as you do all the time.”

He grinned when she rolled her eyes, “Shut the fuck up and get your cake.”

A few hours later and the group switched to hangout in the living room. Board games were brought out along with wii games. Harry, Crystal, Luke and Sierra played Mario cart while Maya, Michael, Ash and Kay Kay played Sorry. Y/N and Calum watched in amusement.

Harry cursed at Luke as he got hit with a banana peel, “Fucking hell, Hemings.”

Calum shifted so that he could pull the cigarette pack from his pocket along with his beloved blue lighter. His eyes glanced to the balcony before he nudged the woman beside him.

“Y/N, wanna join me for a smoke?”

She knew what he meant. Not for her to actually smoke, but to talk alone for a few minutes while everyone was busy.

She nodded.

Y/N figured it would be chilly so she grabbed her jacket- well it was Harry’s that she loved to wear. Together they made their way onto the balcony of Michael’s house. She wrapped the material of her boyfriends coat close to her, slipping her hands into the pockets.

“Glad you came?” Cal asked, flicking his lighter three times before the flame stayed. The cigarette caught the light and he brought it to his plump lips.

“Yeah. Feels right to be back with you all... I’m so sorry that I hid from you guys. So fucking childish of me.”

Calum shook his head, “No, no don’t even apologize, bub. None of us blame you. And to be honest it’s partly my fault.”

Y/N scoffed, hands gripping the railing to ground herself, “It’s not.”

They sat in silence, not wanting to upset each other and start a fight that was pointless. Calum flicked ashes over the railing, his other hand not holding his cig was running through his hair.

Y/N crossed her arms, pulling the hood up over her head to cover her ears. Soft material swallowed her whole, providing a safety blanket.

“You and Harry- you just fit. I’ve never seen you act like that anyone. It was obvious that you felt sorta awkward but the second he walked in, you were back to being our Y/N.” Cal spoke, taking a hit.

Y/N shrugged, “I dunno; he’s like my comfort person now. Probably because it was just the two of us for so long. But I’m content with him.” Her eyes drifted to gaze in at the window. His brown curls could slightly be seen from the bulk of the couch.

“You love him?”

Y/N blinked in surprise, “I do love him. He’s...”

Calum chuckled at her lack of words, “Difficult to describe the intense feeling into lousy English words, huh?”

She blushed but meekly nodded, “Something like that. I imagine you know the feeling?”

Calum put out his cigarette and pulled his jacket closer to him, “Yeah. I’m not talking about Maya here though. Well, not yet. Im falling in love with her, but Y/N you’re my absolute favorite person in the world. You’re my family in ever sense of the meaning. Words can’t explain how sorry I am that I didn’t realize how you felt and that I hurt you.”

She stood up and pulled her best friend into a hug. His arms dangled around her torso as she shoved her head into his chest, taking in the familiar smoke smell.

“Maya seems super authentic Cal, and she’s like.. hot.” Y/N paused when she felt his body shake against hers from laughing, “I should’ve talked to you about it instead of getting angry. You deserve to be happy.”

“Promise I’ll be the maid of honor at your wedding?”

Y/N giggled, swaying them side to side as her cold hands went under the shirt of his back to warm them up. He jumped at the touch. She grinned at his reaction because she’s done it to him since they were little kids.

“Only if I’m your best man?”

Cal hummed, “Hell yeah, wouldn’t want anyone else.”

She nodded while elbowing him gently in the side, “good. It’s settled then.”

Y/N heard yelling inside and the two turned to see that Harry was dancing around Michael’s living room. His arms flared around in the air as he moved his body side to side. She knew that dance. It was a victory dance. The same one he would do when she agreed to wake up with him to watch the sunrise or when he would get all of pieces in home while playing sorry before her.

Harry turned around and cheekily smiled at her as he pointed at the tv and then himself and gave a joyful fist pump. She gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up in response.

“We better head back in.” She said, grabbing Calum’s arm and leading him inside.

“Love, I just kicked their asses!” Harry yelled, hitting Michael with a pillow. Harry cackled when Michael quickly plucked the pillow from him and threw it back with more force.

“You’re a goofball.” She said, crossing her arms.

Couple hours later everyone warmly hugged their goodbyes, slipped on coats and hats, and they walked out of Michael Cliffords house towards their own. Harry and Y/N were the last ones due to her being adamant on helping Crystal clean up. Harry and Michael had talked about FIFA as they attempted to help too but were more so in the way. The girls appreciated the gesture though.

Harry kissed Y/N a couple times instead of letting her get in her own car. Her muffled words kept getting shut off by his lips meeting hers.

“It’s almost like we have a house that we could make out in instead of my friend’s driveway, Har.” She said, pushing his face away with her hand like she did the first time he kissed her outside the poetry shop.

“Have to drive there first, hun. Takes too long.” He whined, his hands pulling her closer to his chest as his lips dragged across her neck, “What did Cal have to say on the balcony?”

She snorted as he nosed along her jawline, peppering kisses and moving his leg to rest in between hers. She ran her fingers along his arm until she intertwined her fingers with his.

He was jealous.

Harry would always ask her how it went when she met up with Calum. Y/N wasn’t dumb, Harry was scared that her feelings for her old best friend would randomly punch her in the face. Harry was hurt before and she understood that he was just scared of getting hurt again.

Especially since he has been in love with her since he was freshly eighteen years old.

“Just that he was glad that I came. Heart to heart about being best friends. I promised him he could be in our wedding if I was in his.” She said, halting Harry’s kissed against her skin.

His head snapped up so that his green eyes looked into her, “Our wedding?”

She nodded, grinning from ear to ear.

“If we’re in this for life, I’d figure it would happen sooner or later. I don’t know if I wanna wear a traditional white dress with you in a boring tux. I think our style is too spectacular for that normal shit. You look so good in vibrant colors, Har.” She whispered, squeezing his hand.

He seemed in a daze as he listened, nodding frequently in agreement, “You’d look amazing in anything as long as you’re walking towards me to meet me at the altar.”

“Yeah, you think?”

Harry laughed, “Yeah, I do.”

“I’ll marry you as soon as you show me that damn song. It’s driving me crazy, dude.” She said, pushing him away when he went in for another kiss that would turn into ten.

Harry was a lovey, touchy feely man, but she loved it. She loved him.

“You ruined one of the best moments of my life by calling me dude. Seriously, you’re killing me here. Cruel woman, you are.”

She shrugged, “I have my ways.”

“Go home!” Michael yelled out the window, making them separate quickly. Harry flipped him off before opening Y/N’s door and helping her in.

“I’ll see you at home, wife.”

Y/N cackled when Harry gently shut her door and saw him hurriedly got into his. She knew that tonight would be spent in each other’s arms with how absolutely thrilled he was to hear that she thought about their wedding.

She turned her car on and thanked Mother Nature for working her mysterious ways to make her life fit into place so perfectly.

[vesuvian-american-fics]

better with time. Ch 9

you're not normal.

Lunch with the scouts goes just about as planned, awkward. A meeting with Erwin leaves you feeling fearful of tomorrow.(AO3)

Words: 1,836

As the comfort of sleep faded away, regretfully you opened your eyes and sat up on your bed. You stretched your weary muscles and groaned at the popping sounds your bones made with the movement. You lazily patted your hair back into its usual form before straightening out your clothes and opening your door. Just as you did you were met with Levi’s irritated glare.

“That’s the last time I go without locking your door.” He said before sighing and walking off. You followed without a word, too sleepy to reply to the man.

“You will sit at the same table as Hange, the other superiors and I. Don’t speak unless spoken to, if you do good today this can be regular. If any scouts come up to you, ignore them. It’ll be hard because those brats are chatty, don’t answer any of their questions. Got it?” He rattled off. Right now, he was seeming like more of the chatty type, more than usual you suppose. However, it's to be expected you imagined. He’s giving you a lot of trust allowing you to eat with everyone as if you were normal. You were thankful but that can go without saying.

“I got it.” You replied, within the next few steps the two of you were standing in front of the canteen you had cleaned just hours before. Suddenly feeling shy and self-conscious your stomach sank. You hadn’t been in a social setting like this since you’ve been human again, to be honest you were scared. No one was expecting you to speak though but you knew all eyes would be glued to the back of your head as soon as you entered. It was nerve wracking.

“Stand up straight...” He snapped before opening the door an walking inside, leaving you to trail after him like a lost puppy. Just as you hypothesized, the once loud and rambunctious canteen had fell silent. Silent save for Hange still tittering off about one sciencey thing or another to the other men at their table, that made it less awkward for you but you couldn’t help but feel a few beads of cold sweat forming at your brow.

Levi cleared his throat dramatically to grab your attention toward the meal tray he had already filled with your lunch for the day, boiled potato and soup again. With that the two of you made your way towards Hange and sat down, you next to them and Levi across. The men at the table, Mike and Moblit, eyed you over in acknowledgement before properly greeting Levi. You gave them a curt nod and lifted your fork to take a bite of your food. Hange roughly hooked an arm around your shoulder before loudly bringing you into the conversation.

“Moblit! This is the one I’ve been talking about! Y/N! Hi!” You winced at their volume and a shy blush warms your cheeks, as if all the attention in the room wasn’t already on your neck, it surely was now. You could hear your name floating about the room as people began talking about you.

“Y/N huh?”

“She’s that titan?”

“Is it safe having her here?”

“I’m sure they know what they’re doing...”

“You think she’s like Annie––”

“Don’t mention that one!!”

That last part greatly disturbed you, but you decided to ignore the voices around you and just focus on the people at your table and your food. Levi looked at you over the top of his tea cup, reading your worried expression carefully. Setting his cup down gently he addressed Hange sternly.

“Shitty glasses... Keep your voice down you’re giving me a headache.”

Hange being as intelligent as they are quickly realized Levi said that more for your sake than his made-up migraine. Hange gave a short glance your way before quickly giving you a squeeze and lowering their voice as told. Instantly a bit of your anxiety ebbed away though the gossip didn’t die down much.

The rest of the lunch period went without much incident, Hange did well to distract you from the background chatter and made you feel normal. Moblit was a sweet fellow, the only person you imagine could handle Hange on 100% at all times, Mike was quiet but from time to time he would chuckle at the commentary. Levi remained stoic and unchanging, sipping his perfectly brewed black tea, and picking away at his meal. It was a nice change in pace in contrast to eating alone in your room with your nose in a book.

Your thoughts were interrupted when a boy you recognized instantly came stumbling up towards Levi. His large teal eyes staring into yours. However, this time, two others followed after him. A taller girl with brilliant black hair and a soft red scarf over her shoulders, and a timid looking blonde boy with even bigger baby blue eyes.

Without taking his eyes off of his plate Levi addressed the three scouts coldly.

“And what do you brats want?” His voice made the blonde jump, and to make him feel a little less on edge you returned your gaze back to Hange and Moblit, watching the two interact and trying to ignore the scouts and whatever they needed to give them a semblance of privacy.

“C-captain, we were just wondering-–” Eren was interrupted by Levi speaking over him.

“If you’re wondering anything about Y/N, its none of your business for now. Dismissed.” With the mention of your name, you jumped a bit and your shocked yet confused eyes met Levi’s even and dark ones.

“It's dangerous having a titan at the base with Eren. What if she’s after him like Annie was?” The girl responded, she had a confidence about her that told you she was strong and not to be trifled with. Almost on par with Levi, however, she lacked the outward intimidation.

“Do you think I can’t do my job, Mikasa?”

“But for Eren–”

“Do you think I can’t do my job?”

“It’s not that.”

“Then you’re dismissed.” Levi ended the conversation once again with a tone of finality. After a moment of tense silence, the three of them walked off as the blonde pulled tirelessly on their sleeves away from the table.

“Also, the three of you have kitchen duty for the week.” Levi called after them, you could hear the three kids bickering amongst each other as they got back to their table. Eren and some taller boy teasing one another as soon as he sat down.

You looked back to Levi but he was already standing from his seat, taking your tray and his to be disposed of. Before he could make it back to the table the door of the canteen opened, you couldn’t see who was on the other side but Levi went to them quickly.

He was gone for just a few minutes before Erwin stepped through the door. Everyone stood and saluted to him, and you felt awkward for sitting.

“At ease.” He said, everybody retook their seats as his eyes scanned the crowd for yours. He gave you a small smile before he spoke again.

“Y/N, come with me.” Your eyes widened just a fraction before darting towards Hange, they nudged you and waved you off.

“See you later Y/N!” With that, you stumbled towards Erwin and he opened the door for you. Outside you were met with Levi and the three of you walked towards what you imagined to be Erwin’s office at the base.

You were nervous, they must have decided what to do with you. Or maybe they want to conduct another interview now that you could talk, but you don’t remember anything new yet. Anxiety pricked at your skin; you weren’t prepared to be berated with questions.

What if, because of your lack of memory they thought you were lying? What if they didn’t trust you? What if–

“Go inside.” Levi said, ripping you from the cloud of your invasive thoughts. You stepped inside the office and took a seat, Levi remined standing by the door. The large wooden desk was decorated with a name plate reading Erwin Smith.

The man in question cleared his throat before shuffling a few documents before him and addressing you.

“Y/N...”

...

Experiments? Are they serious?

“I can see the distress on your face. I assure you; the experiments will be nothing invasive, and all led by Hange and Moblit.” Still, you were unsure about the prospects of being tested on like some animal to the slaughter. Your lack of response urged Erwin to continue explaining.

“We need to test your titan abilities, if you can shift like the other titan shifters we’ve encountered. What are your strengths, are you a unique case? Things of that nature, and if we’re to trust you to the best of our ability, we need to know these things. I’d like to ask for your consent, however, if you’re to stay with us there is no other way, I’m afraid.” He rested his chin atop his clasped fists and we patiently awaited your reply.

Levi however, was never one for such pleasantries, and gave you no extra time to think it over before he spoke.

“If you don’t want to stay, we can always drop you off outside the walls and watch you fend for yourself against your friends out there.” He commented, pointing his thumb out towards the windows. The thought unnerved you, and you wouldn’t put it passed him to stay true to his word.

With a defeated sigh you gave the men your answer.

“I’ll do anything. I can’t lie I’m afraid, I don’t want to be a titan anymore. I don’t want to be a shifter. This is all so confusing but I’ll do what I have to to gain your trust.”

“Well then that settles it. We’ll start tomorrow.” Levi said, quickly heading out the door and leaving you and Erwin alone. Your shoulders dropped; this was all so sudden but you could understand their dilemma. They needed to have answers and quick, you’ve already been here for quite some time inconveniencing them with your silence and memory loss. This is the least you can do.

It’ll give you the answers you’ve been hoping for yourself, can you even turn again? You prayed to whatever god that was listening that you didn’t have the ability to shift. You signed your name on the pages that Erwin slid across to you.

He gave a knowing smile, before dismissing you. When you exited, Levi was there waiting to lead you back to your room. The walk back was silent as expected, and when you entered your room he lingered in the doorway before speaking.

“Rest up. I’ll bring your dinner here later.” You nodded weakly before falling over into your pillow. He stayed just a second longer before you heard the soft click of the door shutting, and the quiet jingle of his keys locking you inside.

The uncertainty of tomorrow scared you.

[smeyerskhakifetish]

an analysis of Cherry by Harry Styles as if it were written by Edward during New Moon

Can you tell quarantine is getting to me? Anyway uhh enjoy

Don't you call him baby

Edward is threatened by Jacob and worries that they have become close in his absence. He feels that because of his departure, Bella is sure to have fallen entirely for Jacob, or god forbid Mike, which he hates. He begs for her to stay away, though he believes he will never return to her. Apart from the rivalry, this could also be a warning to stay away from the werewolves for her own safety. Though he believes Jacob to be a well-meaning kid, he also believes that the werewolves are temperamental and cannot properly control themselves, with Emily as evidence. 

We're not talking lately

He’s gone so... they’re not talking. Despite her best efforts, the Cullens have made no attempt to contact Bella, the exception of course being the scholarship which they did under a pseudonym. And it was taken out so... is it canon? We’ll go with yes. 

Don't you call him what you used to call me

While he has no plans to return, Edward still clings desperately to the idea that she will stay away from Jake (or Mike) because of his newfound jealousy. He still loves her deeply, and fears that she will move on even though it’s exactly what he asked for. He pleads for her to ignore his orders.

I, I confess I can tell that you are at your best

Despite the fact that Bella is absolutely miserable, Edward still believes that she is doing well. He has no direct contact with her and still believes this is all in her best interest. Because of this belief, being away from her he assumes that she has returned to normalcy. 

I'm selfish so I'm hating it

As seen in MS, Edward believes his love for her to be incredibly selfish. He sees himself as a constant threat, and his love is putting her in danger. He therefore finds his frustration with their separation incredibly selfish, which he recognizes, but cannot stop his feelings.

I noticed that there's a piece of you in how I dress

Khakis.

Take it as a compliment

When I miss you I put on Khakis. You love Khakis.

Chorus x1

I, I just miss I just miss your accent and your friends

Bella has a soft voice, which he finds incredibly enticing. While this isn’t exactly an accent, Edward misses hearing her speak as he cannot communicate with her any longer. When he eventually calls her, he is looking to hear her voice again. He misses Angela, as in MS it is revealed that she is truly kind, and thinks very highly of Bella. He longs to see her through Angela’s eyes from across the room once more.

Did you know I still talk to them?

As shown by the cut scenes in which Edward desperately tries to pay for Bella’s college, he has ways of contacting Bella but refuses to admit that it is him. As we know, he is a fan of Angela. It is possible that he made an attempt to get information on Bella through her. Alternatively, ‘talk’ could refer to reading their mind rather than actual communication. In this scenario, this line could indicate Edward coming close by and watching Bella through her friend’s eyes. He stated many times he enjoys watching her through Angela’s point of view. 

Does he take you walking round his parents' gallery?

Now this one is kind of a flex. In Twilight, Edward walked Bella through Carlisle’s gallery in their home and explained their family history. He remembers this, and knows that Jacob has no such thing. Indigenous reservations are generally incredibly underfunded and as a rich asshole, Edward is aware of this. He seizes this opportunity to call everyone else poor and remind both Bella and himself that he is economically superior. ‘I bet Jacob doesn’t have a gallery.’

Chorus x2

ok so this is kind of garbage but i hope u enjoyed, lmk if u have any additional thoughts id love to hear

[chirpsythismorning]

one of the birthdaygate doubter anons from earlier, no.1 please please please don't ever compare me to a mlvn ever again there are few more insulting things I could be told, no.2 I feel like I maybe didn't explain myself properly so I'm gonna try again?

a. I don't care too much about background details bc while I feel they're helpful little easter eggs for analyzing things I feel the more important thing to keep in mind is how something actually affects the narrative and characters, and that goes for any theories not bdaygate so I'm just saying you don't need to list out all the one off lines and stuff I WAS actually reading the birthdaygate posts originally I PROMISE I have seen a lot of the stuff

b. so I said that I don't think birthdaygate makes sense narratively, and that's an opinion that hasn't really changed. you compare it to how they're subtle about byler, but the way they're subtle about byler is just by not stating that it's an option, but it still follows standard friends to lovers tropes, and they've still set up narratives with an inevitable byler conclusion, such as will being the one who pushes mike to say ily to el, with HIS OWN feelings as a motivator. whereas with birthdaygate the clearest pointer aside from all the background details is just that it happens to be march 22nd? it feels like they left it way too up to chance that the audience would remember it's will's birthday. I didn't even remember, and I've always been a pretty avid st fan.

what I think they would've done is state in some way not just the date, but the significance of the date, that way you are certain that detail will have significance later in this season or the next, like how will lied about the painting so we know that has to fall apart eventually. they could've had a character other than mike joyce or jonathan mention that it's will's birthday. this could've totally been a throwaway line from dustin, or they could've shown it marked on someone's calendar, but instead they rely on you to remember a detail from 2 seasons ago that wasn't even the most important part of the scene it was in? this especially feels like an odd conflict to not even slightly mention in text until s5. this feels like something where at least the START of that narrative would have to happen in s4

and then even if you do still think this qualifies as properly setting up a plot point, (which is your prerogative and your opinion to have. and obviously one I don't agree with it just feels like an unusual writing choice to me and doesn't feel like the way they normally write things) i still don't see how this actually smoothly integrates into the story while positively contributing to character and plot development? like we are nearing the end of the story, while we probably don't know the fullest reach of vecna's powers, memory stealing still feels like one that comes out of left field, and a pretty large plot point to introduce in the last season when you're supposed to be wrapping things up. it also feels clunky for character development? what do we get out of this? like do we like birthdaygate just because it sounds cool or because it would actually be narratively satisfying for the story? because I just don't see it concluding well, that feels like WAY too big of a thing for him to have just stolen the memory of will's birthday for shits and giggles and then done nothing else, and it also would make other shit with character actions and stuff weird I think. how did they not forget his bday in the time between s2 and s3? sorry I'm starting to get off track point is I literally don't see what birthdaygate actually CONTRIBUTES to the narrative. like if it happens what's the point of it though

a. Technically Easter eggs aren't intended to be caught by everyone the moment that they appear. And so, if they're only willing to give us Easter eggs to hint at birthdaygate in s4, it's probably because they want to save that official revelation for s5, meaning bringing it up more blatantly, would make those easter eggs less exciting and the surprise in s5 pretty anti-climactic. Easter eggs are literally designed so that only a few people with keen eyes notice them at first, and it often requires those very people informing the majority who are not fixated enough to look into the details themselves.

Also a little side note, I decided to look up the origins of Easter eggs in popular media. A lot of it was related to coding and gaming, but there was a section on broadcast media, where they literally mention Stranger Things using the number on the Surfer Boy Pizza van in s4 promo to leave a 'special message'... Even the literal Wiki page for Easter eggs supports birthdaygate??? Like come on now!?

Yes these easter eggs are fun when analyzing specifically in terms of theorizing right now, but their true value lies in rewatch value in the future. Easter eggs make future revelations more satisfying, because anyone can argue something came out of nowhere, however, if there are 1, 2, 3, 4+ things hinting at it, then the argument it came out of nowhere becomes slightly flawed.

Details are extremely important. I wouldn’t personally discredit them by saying they're less important, even when compared to what is said outright, especially in ST case. More often than not, what is said outright isn’t always them informing us of the facts, sometimes it’s there to intentionally trick us or to subvert. We know this because the details often contradict what they’re outright telling us. They often SHOW instead of TELL, which is an important rule for filmmakers who want their audience to think a little bit. We should be paying attention to the details, as it’s likely it’ll be necessary for us to understand what’s to come. And so, if you're picking and choosing which details to care about, you are bound to miss a thing or two...

b. Though it's not exactly encouraged right now (for obvious reasons), I can guarantee that the promotion surrounding s5 is going to make a big emphasis on the importance of rewatching the show. It's very likely we're going to be seeing the actors and Duffer's themselves voicing how necessary it is that viewers rewatch the show to prepare for what's to come.

Byler for example is something that a lot of the ga doesn't see as happening, and it's mostly because they just haven't rewatched the show recently, either not since watching s4, or even more likely they've probably only watched the entire show once through.

Does that mean that if 99% of casuals viewers assume it's not happening because the signs weren't obvious enough, that byler endgame would be bad writing? Or that it’s bad writing bc rewatching is necessary to fully understand/appreciate it? No, I don't think so! Not at all! Because there is a lot of evidence in the details. It's just that it requires the viewer to watch it more than once, and also pay closer attention, to see it for themselves and believe it.

All of us are in this tag because we rewatched the show and paid attention to the details. We could be just as clueless as the rest of the audience if we only watched the show once and moved on. But something caught our attention, which lead us to looking deeper. It wasn't just handed to us on a silver platter.

In fact byler was almost handed to us in s4, only to suddenly be ripped away in the most gut-wrenching way, leaving pretty much all bylers to seriously doubt endgame post vol. 2 (some still indefinitely). Hell, the actors and creators themselves are still trying to convince us Milkvan is endgame! BUT the details!??!! The details are what made a lot of us rethink everything and that's when we slowly started to figure out that the answers were hidden in the details, despite what was outright said to us contradicting that.

Yes, a good portion of the audience is oblivious and in the dark about almost everything beyond the most basic outright narrative in front of them. But ST wasn't intended for viewers like that, nor was it intended for viewers to watch it like that indefinitely. Right now it's unfinished, and so the Duffer’s do get a kick out of people missing things. They're even known for lying about certain things because they don't want the audience to get too close to the surprises before it's revealed.

After all, there would be no fun in everyone knowing what's to come because they stated it outright. There is an appeal to the surprise factor while we're still waiting. But when it's complete, it will all come together and make sense. So when we do finally have the ending, that's when we'll be able to watch the show the way it was intended to be watched; from beginning to end, then rewatched, again and again, as much as we please, assuming we want to see all the hints we missed in the details for ourselves.

When it comes to needing a bigger hint about the date, I think I understand your frustration. You think that if they were to explore birthdaygate at all, it would need to be brought up in the narrative in a way that everyone watching would be able to go OMG they forgot, and for it to be an in canon concept in s4, before they delve into it officially in s5.

However, I disagree.

Having someone, say Dustin or Lucas mention it, in a one off comment, would have taken away the excitement that is bound to come from them exploring that concept in early s5, potentially even s5 opener early...

I don't want to get into all the rumors and speculation, but there is quite a bit of potential evidence that they filmed scenes we haven't seen yet, because of BTS related to Noah and Will's character potentially, which circulated during s4 promotion ie. him filming at rink-o-mania in his blue plaid, the actor for lonnie being at the table read, noah and his body double in different costumes near a baseball field...

Another thing people completely overlook, is that the Duffer's themselves have admitted that s5 opens in a way that starts right off where s4 ended. They even went far as revealing they know how it starts, and they have no intention of changing it.. It's almost like parts of it might already be set in stone (filmed)?

Do I personally think Birthdaygate is going to be revealed in early s5, potentially even s5 opener early? Yes. Is that 100% likely, obviously not.

Maybe that's why it's easier for me to digest it and give it a lot more consideration? Like why bring it up blatantly in s4, if the plan was for it to open s5? It would also create a lot of hype for the final season once it is revealed, either by hinting it in s5 promo or in the first 10 minutes of the final season.

Quite frankly, a lot of fans are losing hope in the show's credibility because of the Duffer's admitting to forgetting Will's birthday. And so upon the revelation they didn't forget, that it was actually a big ploy to not spoil that revelation coming at the start of s5, would mean all the details are mostly likely intentional. And everyone coming to that realization, going back and watching, is going to lose their shit.

I don't think it's a reach to assume that all that extra time they had allowed them to be able to leave hints, put there intentionally so that when we do have the whole story, we can look back both impressed with their attention to detail, but also slightly embarrassed because we doubted them in the first place. Because the details are so fucking obvious that it's kind of insulting to buy into the lie at all.

Now onto your final point: memory stealing.

You say Vecna being capable of ‘stealing’ memories would be coming out of left field and so I urge you, and everyone honestly, to rewatch the show because…

In case you forgot or don't remember, s2 had an entire plot focused on Will and memories.

As the Mindflayer gained more control over Will, it caused him to lose his short-term memory. People like Bob, Hopper and Dr. Owens, who he didn't have strong connections (memories!!) with, he no longer recognized by name:

Although Mike encouraged Will to look at the bright side of things, that he could technically be a super spy with his ability to see/feel what the Mindflayer was feeling, even having access to his now-memories (I wonder if they could make it any more obvious how important memories are?), it also came with cons.

As the Mindflayer started to gain more control of Will, his short-term memories started slipping. Those parts of him were being taken over and hijacked. The only thing that allowed Will to keep fighting on, despite him barely holding on by the end of s2, was those important memories he shared with Joyce, Jonathan and Mike.

And so how does birthdaygate fit into that?

Well, this is where it gets kind of epic.

At the end of 4x07, we see El manage to defeat Peter (Henry). Though this wasn't present day, this was back in 1979, before Vecna ever had a plan for Will.

His original plan at that time, was to presumably get El to join him. He took someone who was feeling weak and made them an offer he thought they couldn't refuse. Because I mean, El's life was pretty shit at that time, like god awful. And so she was the perfect contender in his eyes. And not only that but she was presumably powerful.

And what did El do exactly to succeed in defeating him?

Well, she recalled the day she was born (her birthday).

The love from her mother she experienced in that moment, and the power she gained from that love, was much stronger than any power Henry had from all of his bitterness and hate he felt.

And so, is it possible Henry learned something that day? That maybe, if he were to try this again, but to instead get Will to join him, that he might need to rethink his approach?

How can he prevent Will from having the power to fight on?

How can he prevent Will from using his happiest moments to save the day again?

By taking them away all together? By erasing them? Stealing them? Whatever you want to call it, I think how exactly that will play out remains to be seen.

I don't have all the answers. I'm not the Duffers and I don't claim to have all the answers about how this will play out.

I don't think that takes away from the evidence though and the implications of what this kind of event would cause Will to feel, and us the audience to feel watching it play out.

Seeing Will suffer as much as he has, and this now topping it off? Vecna now using it all against him to join him? We're going to be feeling for him tremendously. Whether he joins him or not (by choice or not by choice), is going to be fucking incredible to see play out.

[calumcest]

you and i were fireworks that went off too soon - chapter five

[ao3]

why is it now like tradition that i finish an assignment/exam and just bang out 6k of this fic again yes i did an exam today and could have spent my evening editing my dissertation that’s due on monday but instead i wrote some more of this we are finally getting somewhere though isn’t this exciting this is going to be like the slowburniest slowburn fic ever jesus christ

also just to be sappy for a sec i want to say thank you to everyone who’s messaged me about this fic you have NO IDEA how much it means to me i think about/re-read your comments every day honestly it’s like...makes my life so thank you so much for appreciating it and taking the time to message me about it

Soulmate experiences are something Luke doesn’t know much about.

Frankly, it’s something that nobody knows much about. They seem to vary from soulmate pairing to soulmate pairing - some people find they get unwell if they’re away from their soulmate for too long, some people find they can feel what their soulmate is feeling when they touch - but the majority of people don’t seem to get them at all. The soulmate tattoos are still fairly fresh - it’s only been seven months since they first appeared, and researchers keep assuring the public that it will likely be decades before they fully understand them - and because Luke’s leaves a sour taste in his mouth, he’s never looked into them, so all the information he’s gleaned about them is from hearsay. 

Michael and Calum have never mentioned any soulmate experiences, so Luke’s a little taken aback when they discuss the morning’s events on Tuesday evening. 

“Explain it again,” Michael says, curled up on Calum’s sofa clutching a glass of lemonade. Luke had sent Michael and Calum garbled messages in the morning, trying to explain what had happened and that yes, he’s okay, he’s just a little shaken, while simultaneously trying to get dressed. He’d managed to find time to explain it properly to Calum at lunch, but all Michael’s had to work off were the messages Luke had shouted at his Siri while buttoning his shirt, which are barely even English. 

(“Oh, that was Siri?” Michael says, sounding genuinely surprised, when Luke explains why the messages were so jumbled. Luke flips him off.) 

“I don’t know,” Luke says. “I was freaking out about the tattoo growing again, and then he spoke to me, and it was like...like I’d never have another care in the world.” Michael frowns. 

“Luke got the time his train left the station, and Ashton got the time it arrived,” Calum adds. Michael nods, still frowning. 

“So it’s growing every time you bump into each other?” he asks. Luke shrugs uncomfortably. 

“Well, I mean, it’s only happened twice, so…” he trails off, knowing he’s not convincing anybody in the room, least of all himself. 

“And what, just hearing his voice made you feel better?” Michael says. 

“No, it was- uh, you know that tone Calum uses when you’re anxious about something? It was like that.” Michael nods again, thoughtfully. 

“You ever heard of that?” he says to Calum. Calum shakes his head. 

“We’re the only ones I know that have a soulmate experience, though,” he says. Luke blinks at them. 

“You have a soulmate experience?” he says. Calum and Michael suddenly look a little guilty, and exchange a look. 

“We didn’t tell you because it was...y’know,” Michael says, shifting uncomfortably on the sofa. 

“We didn’t want to upset you,” Calum says.

“What?” Luke demands. 

“We...share dreams,” Michael says, a little hesitantly. 

“You- you share dreams?” Calum nods. 

“We dream the same things,” he says. Luke stares at them. They’ve spent the last seven months sharing dreams, and neither of them thought to tell him. That kind of fucking stings. 

“Right,” he says, after a moment, not entirely sure how to process that, but all too aware of the hurt and irritation bubbling in his stomach. “You should have told me that.” 

“Well, to be fair, mate, the tattoos are a bit of a touchy subject for you,” Michael says. 

“So is my best friends lying to me,” Luke says, a little shortly. 

“We didn’t lie,” Michael points out. 

“You lied by omission.” 

“Jesus, Luke,” Calum says, throwing his hands up in frustration. “You would have been pissed if we’d told you, and now you’re pissed that we didn’t. We just tried to do what we thought was best for you.” Luke clenches his teeth. 

“I can decide that for myself,” he says. 

“Not really,” Michael says. “You keep calling Ashton, even after what he did to you.” 

“He’s my fucking soulmate, Mike, what am I meant to do?” Luke says hotly. 

“Just because he’s your soulmate doesn’t mean you have to go running back to him,” Michael snaps. That’s a low fucking blow, and they all know it. Luke sees it in the way Calum’s brow creases and his eyes flit to Luke, in the way Michael’s eyes widen and he opens his mouth to retract it. 

“Don’t bother,” Luke says flatly, before Michael has the chance to speak. “At least I know what you think now.” 

“He doesn’t mean that,” Calum tries. 

“He can speak for himself,” Luke says. Michael hesitates, which tells Luke all he needs to know. “Great. See?”

“I didn’t mean it like that,” Michael says eventually. 

“Sounds like you did.” 

“I just- I’m just worried about you.” His tone is soft, but it still makes Luke’s blood boil. It’s just what Luke fucking hates, the pity, the fear, the worry that’s never going to go away, not after Michael and Calum saw him the way he was. He hates that it’s changed their opinion of him irrevocably, that they think he’s some precious, fragile little thing that’ll break the minute Ashton decides Luke’s not worth his time again. 

The thing is, though, he knows Michael means well. Michael’s not saying it because he wants to embarrass Luke, because he wants him to feel small and inferior and ashamed, but because he cares, because he genuinely wants Luke to be happy. And sure, he has a pretty shitty bedside manner when it comes to these things, but deep down Luke knows that’s the place he’s coming from. 

So Luke bites back the I don’t need you to worry about me, the worry about your fucking self and the fuck you on the tip of his tongue, and swallows his pride. 

“I appreciate that,” he says, and the words burn hot as they leave his lips. “But I’m fine.” Michael gives him a sceptical look, but Calum’s the one to speak. 

“You know we’d never do anything to hurt you on purpose,” he says. Luke nods, a little tightly. 

“I know,” he says. He gets why they didn’t tell him, he does, but he also kind of fucking hates that they think he needs protecting. He’s not a kid - he doesn’t need to be coddled. “But I’m fine. Honestly. And I’m not running back to Ashton, whatever you think.” Michael flinches a little at that, but he seems to acknowledge that it’s fair enough. 

“So what did Ashton say?” Calum asks, changing the subject, ever the diplomat. Luke shrugs. 

“I hung up on him,” he says. 

“So you don’t know if he felt anything too?” Michael asks. Luke shakes his head. “Are you going to ask?” 

“No,” Luke says, because the thought of telling Ashton hey, remember when you told me everything was going to be okay? Yeah, I had a soulmate experience, and that’s why I freaked out and hung up. How was it on your end? makes shame and embarrassment throb hotly under his skin. 

“Maybe you should,” Michael says. 

“What the fuck, Mike?” Luke says, a little annoyed. “Two seconds ago you were having a go at me for talking to him, now you want me to?” 

“I mean, it might be good to work out how your soulmate experience works,” Calum says. 

“Yeah, like, is it reciprocal?” Michael puts in. 

“What, so I just tell Ashton to ring me the next time he’s feeling like shit?” Luke says sarcastically. “You know as well as I do that he’s going to take that as ‘I’m here for you if you need me’.” 

“Well, no,” Calum says carefully. “What about the study? Have you heard back? You could offer to participate.” Luke presses his lips together. He still hasn’t told Michael and Calum about the offer the researchers made, and he feels guilt creep in around the edges of his remaining irritation. It’s a bit hypocritical of him to snap at them for keeping secrets from him when he’s doing exactly the same. Although, he supposes, he hasn’t kept this secret for seven months . 

“They, uh,” he says, averting his gaze. “They asked me to be part of the study.” 

“What?” Michael says, shocked. “When?” 

“Sunday.” Luke sees realisation dawn on Michael’s face, followed swiftly by indignance, and he hurries to add: “I know I should have told you, but I- honestly, I needed time to process it. And it’s only been two days.” Not seven months , he doesn’t say, but they all hear anyway. 

“It’s okay,” Calum says. “We get it. Don’t we, Michael?” He shoots Michael a glare, and Michael huffs. 

“Yes, we do,” he says sullenly. 

“What did they say?” Calum asks. 

“They just offered us a place on the study,” Luke says. 

“Ashton too?” 

“Well, it’d be a bit fucking hard to do a soulmate study with only one person, wouldn’t it?” Michael points out. 

“I don’t know, weren’t there a couple of individuals on our study?” Calum says, and right, yeah, Luke had completely forgotten they’d been part of a study early on. 

“You think I paid any attention to anyone else on that study?” Michael scoffs. Calum grins, and Michael rolls his eyes. “Don’t flatter yourself. I was focused on trying to find out why I have your fucking dog tattooed on my body.” 

“What did you have to do?” Luke asks. “In your study, I mean.” 

“Mostly just answer questions,” Calum says. “I mean, they were trying to figure out what the hell the tattoos were.” 

“Yeah, we had to answer some together and some separately,” Michael says. “And there was a blood test, remember?” Calum groans. 

“I try not to,” he says. 

“Are you going to do it?” Michael asks, and it takes Luke a moment before he realises it’s directed at him. 

“What? Oh,” he says. “Uh. I don't know?”

“Well, what did you say to them?” 

“I haven’t replied yet.” Calum nods, but he’s got a less-than-impressed look on his face. 

“You might as well ask what it would consist of,” he says. Luke shrugs uncomfortably. 

“I don’t want to feel like an experiment,” he says. 

“Even if it helps you work out what’s happening with your tattoo?” Michael says, raising his eyebrows. Luke frowns. Answering a few questions doesn’t sound so bad, if it helps him figure out why the tattoo keeps growing and how to stop it. 

“I don’t know,” he says again. “Maybe. I’ll have to think about it.” Michael and Calum just nod, and don’t say anything, even though it’s clear they both think he’s a fucking idiot for not immediately jumping at the chance to be studied by renowned researchers and possibly get some answers to the issue he’s been brooding about for weeks. Luke loves them for it. 

And so, because Luke’s trying to be a better person, he pushes down the irritation and spite still churning in his stomach, and leans back in his chair. 

“So,” he says. “You share dreams?” 

The surprised but brilliant smiles Michael and Calum send his way make it all worth it. 

  ------- 

  “Hey,” Calum says, when Luke walks into the office on Thursday. “Don’t forget we’re playing football on Saturday.” Luke groans, setting his bag down on his desk and sitting down in his chair, and Calum grins. “What, you really thought I’d forget?” 

“A man can fucking dream,” Luke mutters, turning his computer on. “Who’s playing?”

“Chris and Matt said they’d play for us,” Calum says. “And Tom said he’d get a team together.” Luke groans again. 

“Matt’s an extra fucking team member for Tom’s team,” he says. Calum laughs. 

“Yeah, but you’ve got me,” he says, eyes twinkling. Luke huffs, but he can’t really retaliate against that. Calum had literally been scouted by Real Madrid. 

“I still don’t know why you didn’t go,” Luke says for the millionth time, shaking his head as he types his password in. He says it every time they have this conversation, and he’s expecting Calum’s usual answer - I didn’t want Mali to get my bedroom when I left - but instead Calum shrugs. 

“I couldn’t leave Michael,” he says. Luke’s head snaps away from the computer screen to stare at him. 

“You turned down becoming a multimillionaire for Michael?” he says incredulously. “Mate, you’ve not told him that, have you?” Calum throws him a strange look. 

“Not yet,” he says. 

“Good,” Luke says fervently. “Don’t. He’ll fucking kill you if he finds out you turned down being rich for him.” Calum laughs. 

“I’m not materialistic,” he says, stretching in his chair. 

“Yeah, but Michael is.” Calum has to concede there. 

“True,” he says. “Good thing he’s the one earning a hundred thousand a year as a session musician.” Luke scowls at his desktop as he sees emails starting to pop in. Who the fuck is already sending emails at ten past nine? 

“Who the fuck sends emails this early?” he grumbles, clicking on the one that looks like it will be the least effort to deal with. 

“Shit, that reminds me,” Calum says, sounding excited all of a sudden. Luke half-debates telling him to get an MRI scan, because nobody sane gets that excited about receiving emails. “I got one at two .” 

“ Two ?” Luke says, picking up a pencil and pulling a sheet of paper towards him to write down a note for Chris. “From who ?” 

“Phil, if you can fucking believe it.” Luke stares at him in disbelief, pencil poised above the paper. 

“No,” he says, trying to imagine their uptight boss being awake in the middle of the night. “What the fuck?” 

“It gets better,” Calum says gleefully. “Guess what it was about?” 

“Firing me?” 

“I mean, good guess, but not this time,” Calum says. “It was an invite to join a Facebook group called ‘In Love With Colleague Support Group’.” Luke gapes at him. 

“Holy shit,” he says, and Calum nods delightedly. “Oh my God. Who is it?” 

“My money’s on Kiera,” Calum says. 

“I thought she just found her soulmate?” Luke says. 

“Maybe that’s why Phil needs support.” 

“No,” Luke says thoughtfully, tapping his chin with the pencil. “I’ve seen him hanging around Lisa at the photocopier.” 

“Lisa? Nah, no way,” Calum says confidently. 

“Why not?”

“He’s into blondes,” Calum says. 

“How the fuck would you know?” Luke asks. “I reckon it’s Lisa.” 

“Want to bet?” Luke only considers it for half a second before nodding. 

“Twenty dollars says it’s Lisa.” 

“Twenty on Kiera.” 

“Done.” Calum grins at him across the desk. 

“Hope you enjoy paying for mine and Michael’s condoms,” he says. 

Luke throws a pair of scissors at him.

  -------

  The only reasons Luke can drag himself out of bed at nine-thirty on Saturday morning are because he knows he’s got a week off work for Christmas and New Year’s so he can sleep in the rest of the week, and because he knows Calum will come to his house and frogmarch him to the pitch if he doesn’t go of his own accord. 

Clifford gets excited when Luke starts putting his shoes on, thinking he’s going for a walk and running out to fetch his lead. Luke doesn’t have the heart to let him down, so he clips Clifford’s lead on and sends a quick text to Michael and Calum telling them he’s a pushover so Clifford’s coming with him. 

Matt, Chris, Michael and Calum are already there when Luke arrives at five to ten, along with four guys from the other team. Luke knows Tom, who works in accounting, and he thinks the ginger guy to his left might be called Simon, but he’s not confident enough to say hi when he gets to the pitch. 

“Alright?” Calum says, bending down to scratch behind Clifford’s ears. Clifford wags his tail happily, because the little traitor loves Calum more than anybody else. Calum could probably punt him across the pitch and Clifford would still come running back for a cuddle. 

“C’mon, little man,” Luke says, pulling Clifford away, much to his chagrin. “Let’s get you tied up.” Clifford lets out a huff but trots over to the fence and lies down, letting Luke tie his lead into the mesh behind him. 

“We’re just talking tactics,” Chris tells Luke when he jogs over to the group, chucking him a bib. Luke thinks a good tactic would be to have Matt sit the game out, but given that Matt’s his boss’s son, he thinks it probably wouldn’t be the best move. 

“I think we should play defensive,” Matt says as Luke pulls his bib on. “Keep Calum up front, but the three of us drop back. Chris, you want to be in goal?” Calum throws a look over at where Tom’s team are huddled together, deep in conversation. 

“Where’s their fifth?” he asks, and everybody shrugs. 

“Hey, Tom,” Michael shouts, and Tom turns around. “Where’s your fifth?” 

“He’s coming,” Tom calls. “Said he’d be here in a few minutes.” 

“We should get an automatic goal for their lateness,” Luke grumbles, because he didn’t drag himself out of bed this early just to have to stand around in the heat waiting for some random guy who can’t be bothered to make it on time. Just then, however, the gate swings open again. 

“Hey,” a voice says. “Sorry I’m late.” Luke throws a glance over his shoulder at the sound - and stops dead. 

Jesus fucking Christ. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” he says, before he can stop himself, and Chris, Matt Michael and Calum look up in surprise, following his gaze. Chris, Michael and Calum’s faces tighten in recognition, but Matt just looks bewildered. 

“You know him?” Matt asks. 

“That’s your ex, isn’t it?” Chris says, and yeah, of course. Luke had brought Ashton to a few work parties, and Chris has worked at the company since, like, the dawn of time. 

“Yeah,” Luke says, still glaring at Ashton, who’s made his way over to Tom’s team and is immersed in their conversation now. 

“I take it it didn’t end well?” Matt says. 

“You could say that,” Calum says. Ashton tips his head back in a laugh, and then locks eyes with Luke and freezes. 

“Yep,” Luke grits out, not looking away from Ashton. “Oh, for fuck’s sake.” Ashton’s making his way over. 

“I didn’t know you were going to be here,” Ashton says, before he’s even got to the group. 

“I’d fucking hope not,” Luke says. 

“Hey, Michael, Calum,” Ashton says, a little uncomfortably. 

“Hi,” Calum says stiffly. Michael just glowers at Ashton. 

“Can we talk?” Ashton says, and Luke wants to say no, but he also doesn’t want to have this conversation in front of Chris and Matt, so he nods and follows Ashton a few steps away from his team. He feels all four sets of their eyes on him, curious and wary, and turns his back to them so he doesn’t have to think about it. 

“This is a fucking joke,” Luke says flatly. “You don’t even know Tom.” 

“No, but I know Ollie,” Ashton says, nodding at the ginger guy next to Tom. Not Simon, then. 

“Great,” Luke huffs, folding his arms.  

“Do you want me to go?” 

“Yes,” Luke says. Ashton hesitates for a moment, and then nods. 

“Alright,” he says. “I’ll tell Tom I can’t play anymore.” It strikes Luke, then, that if Ashton turns up, Luke has a mini-tantrum, and then Ashton leaves, Luke’s going to be blamed for ruining the match, and given that he works with at least four of these guys, that’s not going to win him any favours in the workplace. 

“Wait,” he says, as Ashton turns to leave. “Fuck. Just- stay, but keep out of my way.” 

“Are you sure?” 

“If you can stay out of my fucking way.” Ashton bites his lip, and nods. Luke turns to head back to his team, but Ashton catches his arm. He drops it immediately when Luke whips back around, like it’s burnt him, and Luke stares at him, yanking his arm away even though Ashton’s already let go.  

“Don’t fucking touch me,” he says. 

“Did you feel it?” Ashton asks quietly, eyes serious. 

“Feel what?” 

“On the phone.” Luke swallows. 

“This isn’t the time,” he says. 

“After the match?” Luke glances over at Michael and Calum, who are staring at him, both frowning, concern etched all over their faces. 

“Lunch,” he offers. Ashton nods. Luke turns and jogs back to his team without another word. 

“Did you work it out?” Matt asks. 

“Yep,” Luke says, sending Michael and Calum a look that says we need to talk . They both nod. 

“Well, we’ve got extra motivation to fucking smash them, then, don’t we?” Chris says cheerfully, and Luke can’t help but laugh. 

  -------

  At half time, when they’re two-nil up, Luke corners Michael and Calum. Chris and Matt pretend not to notice, engrossing themselves in a loud conversation about whether or not the offside rule should apply in five-a-side. 

“What’d he say?” Michael demands, as soon as they’re far enough away from everyone. 

“He wants to talk,” Luke says. “We’re going for lunch. He said he felt something on the phone call.” 

“What’d he feel?” Calum wants to know. 

“I don’t know,” Luke says. “That’s why I suggested lunch.” 

“Jesus,” Calum says. 

“Hang on,” Michael says. “Are you going to end up with a ball on your back now?” Luke stares at him for a moment, then tips his head back, groaning. He hadn’t even thought of that. 

“Fuck me,” he says, letting his eyes flutter shut. “I don’t want a fucking ball on my back.” 

“The moon already kind of looks like a ball,” Michael says helpfully. Luke opens his eyes again just to glare at him. 

“Maybe you’ll get something else,” Calum says. 

“I don’t even know that I’ll get anything ,” Luke says defensively. 

“Denial’s not a good look for you,” Michael tells him, and Luke flips him off. 

“Score at least another three this half, Cal,” he says, when Tom shouts that half time is nearly over. Calum grins, pushing his sweaty hair back from his forehead, and nods. 

“Three? At least make it a fucking challenge, Luke,” he says. 

  -------

  They win seven-one, in the end, and the one is an own goal by Matt. Luke can’t even bring himself to care, though, when Michael, Calum, Matt and Chris are whooping, high-fiving, and Tom’s shaking his head as they slope off the pitch.

“Calum should count as at least three players,” he says, swigging from his water bottle. 

“Yeah, but they also had Matt on their team,” the guy Luke now knows is Ollie says. Matt turns to him indignantly. 

“What the fuck, mate?” he says. Luke throws Michael and Calum a let’s-leave-before-this-gets-ugly look, and quickly unties Clifford from where he’s been patiently watching the game unfold. 

“You’re kind of shit, mate,” he hears Ollie saying, as the three of them quickly throw goodbyes over their shoulders and head out of the gate. 

“Jesus, why would you fucking say that?” Luke asks, as they start off through the park, Clifford trotting happily in front of them. 

“Masochism?” Calum offers. 

“Does he work at ours?” Luke asks. Calum shrugs. 

“Haven’t seen him if he does,” he says. “Fuck me, I’m so sweaty.” 

“Might do,” Michael says casually. Luke throws him a disgusted look. 

“Not in front of me, dickheads,” he says, and Michael grins. 

“Go on,” he says. “Indulge my exhibitionist kink.” Luke pulls a face. 

“I think I’d rather gouge out my eyeballs,” he tells Michael seriously.

“Would you really not fuck us?” Calum asks nonchalantly, like he’s asking about the weather. Luke chokes on his next breath. 

“Are y- what ?” he asks. “Cal, are you insane? No offence, but I’d rather fuck Phil.”

“I mean, offence taken,” Michael says. 

“You don’t even know Phil,” Luke says.

“I know enough,” Michael says. “Calum’s hot, come on. Wouldn’t you fuck him?” 

“Are you, like, fucking swingers now, or something?” Luke demands. Calum laughs, eyes twinkling, and it finally dawns on Luke that they’re joking. 

“Only for you,” Calum says, and Luke scowls. 

“Fuck you,” he says, a touch sulkily. 

“We’re offering,” Michael says, but his eyes are gleaming too. 

“Stop making fun of me,” Luke huffs. Calum slings an arm around his shoulders. 

“Poor baby,” he says. “Don’t worry, we’d pity fuck you if you wanted us to.”

“I don’t want you to,” Luke says pointedly, but he leans into Calum’s touch anyway. 

  -------

  An hour later, Luke’s freshly showered and on his way to the address Ashton had texted him. It’s some café that he’s never heard of, and it makes him roll his eyes when he turns the corner and sees it, a little tucked-away place in a side road that looks just like the kind of place Ashton would want to have lunch at. Ashton’s already in there when Luke pushes the door open, sat at a table by the window with his phone in his hands, and he smiles hesitantly at Luke when he spots him making his way over. 

“Hi,” he says, when Luke throws himself down into the chair opposite Ashton with a little more drama than he perhaps needed to. “Thanks for coming.” Luke grunts noncommittally, and picks up a menu so he doesn’t have to look at Ashton. Ham and cheese toastie sounds good enough for lunch, he thinks. 

The waitress comes over after a few moments, because they’re literally one of the only three groups of people in the place, and they both order politely, smiling at her only for it to drop off their faces when they turn back to each other. 

“So,” Ashton says, breaking the silence. “Uh. I wanted to talk about the phone call.” Luke gazes out of the window, watching the passers-by, and nods. 

“What about it?” he says carefully, not wanting to give his own position away. He doesn’t know whether Ashton felt the same thing as him, after all, 

“You didn’t feel it?” 

“I didn’t say that.” Ashton pauses, and then sighs. 

“Okay,” he says. “I, uh. When I told you you were going to be okay, I felt...like, this overwhelming sense of protection?” Luke doesn’t tear his eyes away from the lady across the street trying to fit her plastic bag in the bin, just nods. That kind of makes sense. 

“I felt…” Luke searches for the right word, one that will express what he wants to say without giving Ashton anything, because give Ashton Irwin an inch and he’ll take a good twenty-seven miles. “Calm,” he settles on eventually. 

“Right,” Ashton says, after a pause. “So, what, we have a soulmate experience?” Luke shrugs. 

“Looks like it,” he says. Just then, the waitress brings their food over, and they both plaster on their plastic smiles and thank her. 

“Do you think it works the other way around?” Ashton asks, taking a bite out of his toastie. Luke shrugs.

“No idea,” he says, in a tone that he hopes conveys and I have no interest in finding out . Ashton seems to get it, because he doesn’t say anything else until they’ve both finished their first slice. 

“Have you thought any more about the study?” he asks, wiping his hands on a napkin. 

“Not really,” Luke says. “I was thinking of emailing them to ask what it would consist of.” 

“I already did,” Ashton says. Luke blinks at him, not entirely sure how he should feel about that. 

“And?” Ashton looks a little uncomfortable. 

“I, uh,” he says, picking his phone off the table. “I think it’s better if you read it yourself.” He passes his phone over to Luke, who wipes his own fingers and begins to read. From: <c.r.johnson@ucl.ac.uk> To: <ashtonfletcherirwin@gmail.com> Cc: <j.m.newbury@ucl.ac.uk> RE: RE: Soulmate study

Dear Mr Irwin,

Thank you for your swift follow up email. 

The details of the study are as follows: 

4 weeks following participants’ movements

One group living apart, one group living together

Questionnaires 3x per week (individual and partner) 

Blood samples once daily (other biological samples to be confirmed)

Variety of physical tests (to be confirmed, non-invasive)

Psychological assessment once weekly  

As you can see from the above, your soulmate and yourself would have to come to London to partake in this study. All expenses would be reimbursed by the University. 

Kind regards,  Colin Johnson 

Luke hands the phone back to Ashton with an unreadable expression. 

“We’d have to go to London?” he says. “For four weeks ?” 

“Yeah,” Ashton says. “It’s not ideal.” 

“It’s far from not fucking ideal,” Luke says. “I have a job here. I’ve got a dog. I can’t just leave for four weeks.” 

“So you want to do it?” Luke hesitates.

“I want to know how to stop it growing,” he says. “And I want to know how to control it.” 

“Control it?” 

“Well, we’re not going to be together, are we?” Luke says, ignoring the way Ashton flinches at his words. “So we have to find a way of getting it under control for the next sixty years.” 

“So you want to go to London?” 

“I can’t just up and leave, Ashton,” Luke says. 

“Bring Clifford with you,” Ashton suggests. “I’m sure work will give you time off for this.” 

“So you want to do it?” Luke says. Ashton shrugs. 

“Yeah,” he says honestly. “But I won’t if you don’t want to.” 

“Well, you can’t, really, can you?” Luke points out. “Not without me.” Ashton shrugs again, but says nothing. Luke sighs heavily, leaning back in his chair and squeezing his eyes shut. 

This is a lot. He wants to figure out what’s going on with their tattoos, how to stop them growing, ideally if there’s any way to, like, sever the soulmate tie between him and Ashton, and these researchers seem like the only ones looking into soulmates that are choosing to stay apart. They seem to be his best chance at understanding what’s going on, and at hopefully finding a way to stop it happening. 

Then again, they’re in London. Thousands and thousands of miles away, away from Calum and Michael and everyone who makes him feel safe, away from Clifford, away from his job, and he’d be jet-lagged and stuck in a drab, cold, wet foreign country with Ashton as the only person he knows for four weeks. 

“Let me think about it,” he says eventually. 

“Okay,” Ashton says, sounding relieved, and for the first time Luke realises that it’s not just him that wants answers to this, who wants it to stop. Ashton’s body is also at risk of turning into a monument to Luke just as much as Luke’s is at risk of turning into a shrine to Ashton. 

“Want to place bets on what football tattoos we’re going to get?” Ashton says after a minute, and Luke snorts despite himself. 

“As long as I’m not the one who ends up with the ball,” he says. 

“Man, I’d rather have the ball than the goal,” Ashton says. Luke’s eyes widen. He hadn’t even thought of that. 

“Yeah, second thoughts, I’ll take the fucking ball,” he says, and Ashton laughs. It makes something tighten deep in the pits of Luke’s stomach that makes him uncomfortable, but not because it’s unpleasant. He can’t quite put his finger on it, but his body tells him he likes it. 

Whatever, he thinks, pulling out his wallet as the waitress comes over. It’s probably just another bullshit soulmate thing. 

  -------

  Luke wakes up to two texts from Ashton.

Ashton Irwin Fuck’s sake

Ashton Irwin I got the ball 

Luke grins, happy that he’s not the one who ended up with the ball, and pads to the bathroom to check his tattoo in the mirror. Clifford’s hot on his heels, whining for his breakfast. 

8. Great. As if he needed more numbers on it. 

Me I got an 8 

Ashton’s reply is instantaneous. 

Ashton Irwin My bib number 

Something flares in Luke’s stomach at the words, and he presses it down before he has time to process what it is. 

“I’m coming, little man,” he says, rolling his eyes, when Clifford’s whines start getting louder, slipping his shirt back on and pushing the tattoo from his mind.

  -------

  “So,” Michael says when Luke finishes catching him up on yesterday’s events, voice crackling over the shitty internet connection and barely audible over Luke’s extractor fan. “What did he say?” 

“He wants to do the study,” Luke says, stirring the pasta in the pot. 

“Well, of course he does,” Michael says. “But London?” 

“I know,” Luke says, biting his lip. “It’s so fucking far.” 

“And it’s so long,” Michael says. “I don’t know if I want you to be on your own with Ashton for four weeks.” 

“You and me both, mate,” Luke says, sprinkling some random herbs in the sauce. Fuck it, herbs can never be wrong, right? 

“So, what, are you going to say no?” 

“I don’t know,” Luke moans. “I want to fucking find out how to stop it, but I don’t want to leave for four fucking weeks.” 

“Did you get anything new?” Michael asks. Luke nods. 

“His bib number,” he says. “He got the ball.” Michael makes a pleased noise. 

“Good,” he says, sounding satisfied. “Fuck him.” Luke grins, adding some more salt to the sauce. 

“Hey, are you going home for Christmas?” Michael asks suddenly. 

“I don’t think so,” Luke says. “I think Mum and Dad are skiing. Why?” 

“Cal and I are spending it together,” Michael says, sounding a little nervous and a lot excited about it. “You should come.” Luke hesitates. 

“Nah, Mikey,” he says eventually, even though he would love nothing more than to spend Christmas with his two best friends. “This is your first Christmas together. You should spend it alone.” 

“No, Luke, we want you there,” Michael presses. “All three of us. We’re not leaving you out just because we’re soulmates now.” 

“Talk to Cal about it first,” Luke says after a moment. “Make sure he’s okay with it first. I don’t want to impose.” Michael rolls his eyes. 

“What, you think I was the one who wanted you to come round?” he says, but he’s grinning. “Cal’s desperate for you to come.” Luke’s heart softens, just a little, and he grins at his pasta. 

“If you’re sure,” he says. 

“Jesus, yes, we’re fucking sure,” Michael says, still grinning. “See you Wednesday, then?” 

“See you Wednesday,” Luke confirms. 

“We’re going to fuck, though,” Michael tells him, and Luke sighs heavily. It’s Christmas. Luke can’t really begrudge them that. 

“I’ll listen and wank,” Luke says. 

“You’re always welcome to join,” Michael says, and Luke rolls his eyes, aiming his middle finger at the camera. Michael laughs, tinny and staticky. 

“Love you,” he says. “Enjoy your dinner.” 

“Love you too,” Luke says. “Enjoy Calum.” 

“Always do,” Michael says, and Luke can almost hear his eyes glinting. It makes him shake his head, but it also makes his heart hurt a little bit. 

Jesus, he’s fucking lonely. 

  -------

  Luke’s usually one to agonise. 

He usually sits on decisions for days, thinks about them for weeks, thinks and overthinks and chops and changes and flips coins and then flips them again. He makes detailed pros and cons lists, he asks every single person he’s ever met what they would do in his situation, he refuses to think about it for days or weeks until it bursts into the forefront of his mind again. He usually needs at least three weeks of warning before he has to make a decision, and even then he’s hard-pressed to do it. 

So when he finds himself sitting in bed at half-past two in the morning, reading and re-reading the email the researchers had sent to him, and finds nothing but a comfortable weight in his stomach telling him go, go to London, he’s not really sure what to make of it. 

His fingers, though, seem to have a mind of their own, flying across his keyboard before his mind has time to catch up and tell him it’s a bad idea. 

Me I’ll do it

Ashton’s reply comes within seconds. 

Ashton Irwin Thank you.

taglist: @glitterlukey @hey-its-grey

chapter six