#( sunny x blake )

[constantvariations]

You can tell the writers had no clue what to do with Blake because both the Black Trailer and the Blake Short have her playing support to more interesting characters

[perfectlysunny02]

King @justtuesdays said blue💙

“Blue,” Bellamy said after a minute of silence. “My favorite color is blue.”

[callmewrinkles3]

Castles Crumbling - DR3 x Fem!OC

Summary: There's just four races to go until Em never has to be near McLaren again, but her anxiety isn't getting any better. With fractures growing in their friendships and people in the media talking, how could it? Not even a gift from her husband could help.

Words: 15.5k

Warnings: The 2022 F1 season, COTA 2022, mental health issues (anxiety, depression, social anxiety, issues with food, one instance of accidental self injury), Zak Brown opening his mouth, hospitals, mentions of assumed domestic abuse, medical staff, smut.

AN: Remember us? Yeah it's been a while, we know. But we're back! Tumblr is a mess right now and with this we decided to make it worse. Please, please heed the warnings here. This is probably the lowest point Em gets to, and it's not a good place. It’s a hard, complicated one. If it's not something you feel comfortable reading, that's alright. Stay safe out there. See you around. 🫰🏻

October 2022

Em had no idea why she was so nervous the day they got to Texas. There was absolutely no reason to be, they'd had some time off and it had been lovely. Her anxiety kept going up and making her stress which was the last thing she wanted. She was tucked in under Dan's arm, their friends were there, and they were in one of her favourite places in the world. Even if when Dan asked her what she wanted to do on their days off she'd said nothing. She didn't have the energy to do it.

The cancelled Russian GP felt like a miracle, giving them a full three weeks off instead of a week in London and one in Sochi. It was an oasis after the triple header of Spa, Zandvoort, and Monza. As soon as Dan finished media after the Monza curse kicked in they left the circuit. Like the year before they were holding hands, but this time it was anger and misery. He'd been on for points. Good points. And then the car just died under him. Fuck McLaren.

They'd gone straight to their favourite pizza place, getting a smile from the staff when Em ordered in Italian. Even the Tifosi in the restaurant chilled around them. There were nods and smiles, Em returning them when she could. It was there to the hotel for some sleep, and the next morning they had quick goodbyes to everyone before renting a car and driving up to Lake Como.

It was normal for them to have a getaway in Italy after races. It started with the beach trip after their first night together in Monaco, and 2019 was the nights in Milan after two impossible feeling races. But finally, after a quarantine year that cancelled their plans and then Em having to cancel them when Dan won. But finally they got to spend their time together. Dan had promised her that even if he won they were still going.

But the car gave up, so instead they said goodbye to Blake and Micahel for three days away. Em adored them, but she'd spent so much time with them that they weren't her usual safe places. Things with Michael still felt awkward, and time apart just felt right. The three days were spent alone, actually getting to wear their rings while they tanned, ate pizza and pasta, and spent hours making love on any surface they could.

The best part of the three weeks off wasn't sunny Italy, it was going to Perth. Dan had to be at the MTC for two days for sim duty before the double header so they went back to London, but as soon as they could they were on the direct flight from London to Perth to see family. It had only been two months since they'd seen Joe and Grace, but they hadn't seen the rest of the family since the super quick trip they'd made to Perth after they got back together.

All they wanted to do was hug the kids and be home. They just wanted to be uncle Danny and auntie Emmy. Even thought it was winter it was warmer than Em was used to. It was healing being back at the farm. Silence at night, family arriving in the late morning or early afternoons, it was perfect. Either they went to see people or people came back to see them at the farm for a full two weeks.

It helped Em's anxiety lessen, as did the regular therapy sessions. They had one on a Monday evening while Em was in Perth, set for a time where no matter where in the world she was she'd be able to make it. On race weeks she had one on Thursdays too. Plus seeing the constant smile on Dan's face while he was home. That put a smile on hers. If anyone deserved to be happy it was her Danny, and Em would do anything in her power to make sure he was.

The fun days ended all too soon, hugging everyone goodbye and promising to see them in Abu Dhabi for Isaac's birthday before they went back into the swing of things. Singapore and the race wasn't bad, Dan finishing with 10 points. But Japan was awful. Lando barely in front but the team acting like he was on the podium, and the weather and recovery vehicles. Dan had talked to her about Jules once before, about losing one of his best friends as a result of those conditions on that track. Her heart was in her throat as she watched Dan go around and round. It was another weekend watching the man she loved be disappointed at a track he adored, but at least they got to spend a week in London before Texas.

Once they got on the plane to head to the US, Em could feel the nerves building in her. It was different from the - high grade if she was honest - anxiety that she usually had most days. This time there was a reason. Dan was showing her the house he bought them that she still hadn't seen in person.

It had started from 2019 when she was tipsy and half asleep and whispered it while dozing in his arms that Austin would be a nice place to live. Since then he'd been searching, revealing it to her when they were in Montreal. The original plan was an apartment with a balcony and natural light, but getting that in the delivery radius of their favourite barbecue place was nearly impossible. And then between the pandemic and everything it turned into wanting so much more than a one bedroom apartment. Plus hiding it from the woman who he spent almost every waking moment with felt impossible.

He'd signed the papers when she was in Liverpool, a desperate dream that maybe Em would come back to him.

Telling himself it was an investment and worth it even when he wasn’t fully sure it was. He knew in his heart he’d never rent it out but he had to try something. It was a total lie. But then he flew down to Texas before landing in Miami to sign for the house. The original plan had been to show her when she arrived in Miami. Dan’s sick hope that she’d turn up. But then she didn’t and he just kept hoping until she was finally there.

They’d said they’d stop off on the way to Montana, fly an extra few hours so Em could see it. But she was too fragile and exhausted and trying to put her pieces together. Then it was the summer break but the news about losing his job put the kibosh on that. So finally they were in Austin and couldn’t be disturbed and Em was about to see their home.

October had felt like it would be a lifetime away then. It would be autumn and starting to get cooler. But then she was there and they’d landed in Texas, gone through immigration and were in the rental car on the way to their brand new home.

It was scarier than moving into their apartment in London had been. London had been quick, necessity thanks to living in an Airbnb and needing to find somewhere to pick together. There’d been two weeks thanks to Dan between viewing it and getting the keys. But they’d viewed it holding hands, decided what room would be what.

This was different. Dan had picked it out entirely on his own, she’d had no idea. And she’d known about it for five months, desperately wanting to see more than the photos. If Em was honest she’d half thought the photos weren’t right, the oh so normal suburban home with a little garage attached. But as Dan put the car into park in their driveway it hit her. This was their home.

A lot of the time they had similar tastes. Food, music, and clothes were the big ones, they’d match in a lot of ways. When it came to TV and movies and podcasts they had differences, but unless it was one of his UFC podcasts she was usually happy to watch what he wanted, the same way he’d watch what she put on. One of the things they almost always agreed with - except for LA but Em wasn’t going to have a discussion about how ridiculous a full mansion for himself was - was where they lived and how they decorated. They always liked the same places and were interested in the same things when it came to a home. If there was something weird or one of them didn’t like it, the other generally didn’t either. It was how it worked when they’d found the apartment in London, they’d walked in holding hands and just knew.

It’s how Em knew Dan had to have done a good job when he chose somewhere in Austin. If he liked it, she’d like it, and when the car stopped she knew she was right. Her expectations were that it’d be an apartment in a high rise building, but it was in front of a house. A little country style 1960s house, like the stereotypical one you’d see. It was nothing like the ridiculousness in LA or the farm in Perth. It wasn’t even like the place in Italy Dan was looking at for them to have as a wedding present. It was so normal.

A one family home on a suburban Texan street. A couple of houses had lawn signs out, there were kids bikes on the street. It felt idyllic as Em looked at the pale brickwork and dark door. It felt like somewhere they could relax and just be.

“I know we said an apartment, but when I saw here it was perfect. It feels like us.” Dan held up a key on a cowboy hat keychain, the Longhorns orange logo visible.

“I’m not complaining at all, it looks cute. Time to go inside?��

They walked up to the front door holding hands as a smile spread across Em’s face. She wanted to stop and take it all in, but her excitement was too much. She could stand out in the front yard later, right now was for going inside. All she could do was look up at Dan and how peaceful he finally looked. It had been literal years for him and she couldn’t be more grateful that he’d kept holding out hope for them.

Opening the front door of somewhere new was always exciting and this was no different. She slipped the key in the slot and twisted to feel the lock disengage. Em went to push the door open but before she could Dan lifted her into his arms, nudging the door with his knee.

“Dan, what?!”

“Gotta carry the bride over the threshold, right? It’s my job.” She laughed at the grin on his face as he brought them inside, carefully depositing Em back on her feet in the living room so she could fully take it in.

The room was a blank canvas. Wooden floors with lots of windows and light, white walls just waiting for paint and decoration. Somehow he’d gotten a Welcome Home sign put up in front of the fireplace. It was cosy but had enough space for them and friends to be there. The work and effort Dan had put in was making her tear up before she’d even seen anything else. Then when she did turn around and saw the lavender door she actually did shed a tear.

The one thing she’d wanted in life was to paint her front door lavender. She’d seen photos of colourful seaside towns with different brightly painted doors and decided she wanted hers to be lavender. It wasn’t from Friends, as much as people might think. She’d never been a fan of that show really. But there was no possibility she could do it as a kid, and then in her rented apartments it was never going to happen. But Dan had promised her that he’d do it, and he had just for her. She turned to hug him and held onto him until she could get herself together for a moment.

“I told you we’d have it, it was just a matter of time. I know we can’t have the outside in London, but I thought the inside in Austin would work?”

“It’s perfect. You’re perfect. I love it. I love you, Danny.” His arms tightened as she said it, a kiss pushed against Em’s head.

“Love you too. Wait until you see everything else, I think you’ll love it.”

Dan held her hand as they moved through the rest of the house. The kitchen was gorgeous and sitting out on the counter was a set of orange Le Creuset pans that matched the purple set they had in London. It was like her perfect kitchen was right in front of her. The doors to the back garden were there, a deck leading down to grass and it was carefully enclosed. It was safe and beautiful. She wandered outside and looked at the wildflowers growing at the end of it.

She had no idea how she’d gotten so lucky. How did he love her even after everything? After everything she’d done, everything she’d nearly ruined? But Dan loved her with everything and he did all of this for her. It was a home, not just a house, and part of her hated that they wouldn’t really spend enough time of the year here. He’d given her everything, and she didn’t know what she’d do if she didn’t have him.

A quiet sob made her turn around in panic to see a smile on Dan’s face as tears streamed down his cheeks. Her arms wrapped around him, holding onto her husband as he cried. They were both too familiar with tears by this point, and her job was to hold onto him and love him and wait until he was able to speak. These were the overwhelming tears.

“I thought I might never see this place. Especially not with you. I was waiting until you were here to see it in person and I think I’d come to terms that it wasn’t going to happen.” The rawness of his words cut her deeply, Em kissing his jaw as a reminder she was here before she could speak.

“I’m right here, Baby. I’m here. And you’re here with me. We’re together.”

“I know. I know.” Dan kissed her so gently Em thought it could have been a dream until she opened her eyes and looked at him.

“Good…what do you mean you didn’t think you’d see it? You flew out to sign?” He squeezed her and Em knew no matter what he was about to say she was going to worry.

“I did. But I didn’t come here. I signed the contract and hired someone to keep an eye on it and do what I needed. But I couldn’t come here without you. It was for us.”

“You bought an entire house without seeing it?” The disbelief was clear in her voice. Her insane, brilliant, generous husband.

“It was a bad time, don’t judge me.” She never could. Not in a million years. “I wanted to do more things, y’know? I thought about changing the windows out for ones with bigger panels of glass so you have even more light to read, put some screens up so you can open them without bugs. Have some of the flowers out the front under the living room window. Maybe change the roof? The one there is fine but it’s gonna need replacing in a few years. Plus I wanna change the fireplace cause that’s original from the 70s when this was built and I don’t like the tiles. But not without you. Even looking at furniture to buy felt wrong. That’s what you do. You turn the places we live into homes without even thinking about it. Plus, I thought it could be like an anniversary present. Five years ago this week is when I met you for the first time.”

Em settled into Dan’s arms with her head pushed against his neck for an extra moment as she took in what he said. She’d so nearly blown their lives up in April - walked away without so much as a word. But even though she did that he loved her and still believed she’d come back somehow. How could she not be utterly in love with him? She didn’t deserve him but he loved her anyway.

“We turned them into homes. Us. Together. That’s what made them into homes, and it’s what’ll make this into one too. So thanks for waiting for me to do it.” It was a sweet kiss and wiping away the tear tracks from his cheeks as she smiled up at him. They’d turn it into one. She wouldn’t ruin yet another home for them. She couldn’t do that like she had with their first flat. “Show me everywhere else? Please? I wanna see our room.”

The rest of the house was just as perfect. A bathroom with a gloriously big bath for her and Dan to fit, two spare rooms, and finally the master bedroom. It wasn’t stupidly huge, but it was perfect. She could see all the flowers that Dan had gotten planted outside through the window. Em had no idea how he managed to get it done but he did and she’d be forever grateful for it. The other thing he did was get a proper mattress for each bedroom. It wasn’t a full bed yet, there weren’t even sheets, but she could actually lay down. As comfortable as the business class seats were, she just wanted to lie down and stretch. Her sneakers came off in a heartbeat and that was about as quickly as Dan was lying on top of her.

"You like it?" Dan whispered as if to not break a spell. His head was on her shoulder while his arms wrapped around her body to pull her as close as possible.

"The mattress? It's amazing, I wonder how I'm gonna get up again. The house is very nice too." She kissed his forehead while her smile grew even wider. "I love it. I really, really love it. It's absolutely perfect, Love. I still think you're insane, but thank you."

"I'm happy you like it. You know you never need to thank me."

"Really? Cause I think I know a way to thank you and bless this place together."

All Em needed was one kiss on her neck and feeling his grin against her skin to get going. Clothes were thrown off and left on the floor, and the luxury of not sharing a wall with anyone else was perfection. The loud moan as Dan finally entered her with one slow push echoed around the near empty room.

Usually on race weekends she was careful to not mark Dan's neck or scratch his back or shoulders. Usually she'd do her best to leave no marks at all unless it was a break but that day she couldn't care less. Her hands were all over his back and holding him as hard as possible. Part of her brain screamed at her that she was fucking everything up and she needed to stop, but Dan's frown as she went to let go and the way he squeezed her made her continue. If he was prepared for any comments and wanted her to keep going then she was going to.

At least now people knew that she was the one responsible for anything. She sucked a small dark mark against his collarbone, watching as the skin reddened and bloomed. She didn't care about it in the moment. The next day she probably would when his shirt moved the wrong way and everyone saw it but right then she couldn't care less. For once her head was quiet, focusing about how warm her Danny was against her, the way his hands made her feel so good. How he was hitting the perfect spots in her, the whispers of how good she was and how she was his best girl, his only girl. The marks he was leaving against her that screamed she was his. His, his, his.

When they finished it was like magic. Like every time he held her tight and kissed as they came down from their highs, the two of them keeping the other there. It was one of her favourite moments with him since that very first time they'd slept together. The world stopped for a few moments, silent and the only people who mattered were them. When she opened her eyes Dan was there, that smile that made her fall head over heels all those years ago on his face as he stole a kiss and made her smile against his lips.

Years ago the next thing in their routine had been one of them - usually Dan - asking to stay the night even when they shouldn't. That part of their routine was long gone. But the comfort and cosiness of the moment was ruined by Em's "oh shit!" and running to the bathroom, too afraid to mess up the brand new mattress that didn't even have sheets on it. The only thing there to clean up was Dan's shirt and she wasn't doing that to him.

When she came back feeling better Dan still kissed down her legs to make her giggle, Em looking at him smiling up at her. She ran her fingers through his curls as she looked down at the love of her life. How did she get so lucky? She didn't deserve him.

It took everything to get up from that mattress. She was jetlagged and tired and wanted to stay there and fall asleep beside him. She was comfortable and didn't want to leave. But they had things to do, shopping first on the list. If they were staying there for a night before moving to the team hotel they needed basic stuff. Dan insisted they didn't need sheets for the mattress, they had toilet paper and paper cups for their celebration and could get takeout. Even while Dan was trying to say nonsense Em was rolling her eyes and pulling clothes out of one of their cases to put on. She made Dan do the same, even as he insisted she looked better without clothes on.

"Do you really want me to go to Target naked, Love?" The wide eyes and rapidly shaking head was all that Em needed for him to get up and shimmy his jeans on.

For most couples a trip to the supermarket was a normal thing. But they weren't a normal couple, or at least not that normal. Usually groceries were delivered, and the occasional times they did something like this was during the winter break in Perth. They'd go some weekday morning when it was quiet and people didn't notice them. She loved it though. It was like going out with an excitable kid who looked at everything and kept stopping. She got to hold his hand and be normal for rare occasions.

So that afternoon it was a rare opportunity for Em to drag him around. It took a pout to convince him it was a good idea, but an oak milk latte from the Starbucks before they started shopping was all the extra incentive he needed to keep going. But as they started wandering Dan was the one who kept stopping and looking. He wanted the perfect glasses, Em got distracted looking at lipsticks for a new perfect pink. Then they spent time deciding on towels and bedding for not just their room but the spares too. After all that a coffee maker and mugs had to be bought, along with the matching plates and bowls. All of that, plus a lamp, cushions, a fake plant, fairy lights, candles, and groceries for that night and the morning that could be frozen when they were leaving ended up in the trunk of the rental car. Em couldn't stop grinning the entire drive back to their house.

London was a mix of things they'd had in both of their apartments, choosing what they preferred and putting them together with new things when they really needed them. Perth, Monaco, and LA were kind of like that, Em turning professionally interior decorated places into actual homes instead of places where they just spent time. But Austin was different. It was a blank canvass where she could start from scratch and turn it into colour and home and happiness. Even if this trip was just a few things to make it better she could take time and decide what they were going to do.

She barely got to put the sheets on the mattress before Dan was dragging her back down, covering her in kisses. It had been since the summer break when they felt like this, able to hold and love each other and Em able to shut her brain up enough to enjoy it. Thye spent the afternoon and evening moving from bed to couch and back again, ordering takeout from the restaurant Dan made sure they were near, before returning to loving each other. Dan held onto her as they fell asleep, Em content and cuddled in.

The next day was when they were supposed to move to the hotel but neither of them really wanted to. The boys landed and they met with them, checking in, but deciding to spend that night in their home before having to go back to the F1 circus. Instead they spent it with Michael and Blake, Em watching the three of them laughing and joking. It was easier to stay a little on the outside of it all and watch, Dan's hand around her waist as they sat in their favourite bar in Austin yet again eating barbecue and Em drinking a coke and stealing sips from Dan's one beer before the race weekend.

Getting out of their uber and being completely alone once the front door closed was a luxury for Em. They were always surrounded by people, she knew that. Dan loved having family and friends around, loved being with everyone. She'd known that since the beginning. It was one of the reasons - besides the obvious - why she was around the boys so much. Dan loved to bring his people around and Em loved watching him be happy and glowing no matter how loud it was. Usually she could put her earplugs in and smile and it was fine. But at the track and in offices and media centres it was more of the same. There were always people, Dan was always busy.

She'd known from the beginning that Dan wasn't always hers. She had to share the man she loved with the rest of the world. And she knew this, she married him knowing it, but it was hard sometimes. She'd gone in with eyes open that especially during race weeks it was a good week to have a couple of hours alone together. The only thing she asked was that they went to bed together. She'd stay up as long as she had to to do it with him. She always fell asleep with her head on his shoulder and her hand on his chest. Dan always woke her up with a kiss on her forehead if he had to get up before her as a quiet goodbye and a heads up she'd fully wake alone. It was what they did. So one extra night where they got to wake up completely alone felt nearly perfect.

But some nights, even when they were alone, she could tell Dan's head was somewhere else. This was one of those nights. They were curled up to sleep, arms around each other, but Em could see that his eyes were open and his jaw was tense. Even with the way the last few days were nice it wasn't an easy time. Everything seemed to be slowly crumbling around them. Apart from their relationship it seemed like so much was falling apart and it was impossible. She was doing everything she could to keep the man she loved going but Em didn't have much left to give. There were some things she couldn't fix. She couldn't magic up a seat in a team for him no matter how badly she wished she could do it. She couldn't even negotiate with him, because that wasn't her job. Doing it for the McLaren severance was different, that was for their pride and to prove that team hadn't ruined them. It was personal. But talking to other team principals? She couldn't.

The one thing she could do was reach up and push a kiss to his jaw, watching as he looked down at her with sad eyes. She could ask the questions and support him and love him and give him advice.

"Penny for them?" It was quiet until Dan took a deep breath.

"Should I talk to Haas? Guenther sent over a proposal. It's a seat for n-"

"Absolutely not." The vehemence that she came out with worried even her but she kept talking. "That team ruins people and makes them miserable, and as much as Guenther has been decent to me in the paddock they're run ridiculously. Look at what's happening to Mick, he told Mick last week that he might keep the seat but now you're being offered it? They won't listen to you, they won't care about the setup. They'll mess it up and blame you. They did it to Kevin and then begged him to go back. You deserve better than it."

"It might be the only way for me to have a seat next year."

"I'd rather we call it a day and just go home." Em was blinking back tears as Dan held her closer, watching as she got herself together. "I can't spend another year watching you suffer for a team and their stupid car while you're trying to smile. This year has been so hard, Danny. You deserve better than that. You're so much better than that."

"Do you really want that? Do you want to go home?" The words echoed around her head. Home. She still didn't know what it was. Dan was her home, but she couldn't say anywhere really was anymore. But her tears began to fall and she couldn't stop them.

"We lost too much this year, Danny. We lost a baby. We nearly lost us too. We did lose us for a while and we nearly didn't make it back. I don't have anything else to give it. This sport and this team has taken almost everything. It even took my dignity in Spa. We've given it everything. Baby I love you with my whole heart and you know I will do anything for you. You know that." She took a deep breath as she tried to get the courage to ask.

"I know, Baby girl. I know. And I love you just as much. We're us, that's not changing ever." His words and the warm arms around her made her able to say it.

"You can't ask me to watch you go through another year like this one. You can't do that to me. We can't go through another year like this and you know we can't. If we try it's going to break us. Please. If you love me just...please don't. Be a reserve driver or try something else or any other driving, I'd rather watch you do ovals. Please don't make me have to go through watching you suffer like this again."

She broke down after speaking, feeling Dan hold her even tighter than he had before. She'd never said it. She never wanted to tell him not to drive, she adored him and trusted him to do the right thing. But this was terrifying to watch. She didn't know what she could do except ask him not to drive for once.

"Hey Baby, I've got you. It's alright, Emmy. It's alright. It's going to be fine, Baby girl. I promise. You just take deep breaths. Breathe in with me Baby." She followed his exaggerated breathing until she'd calmed down from the panic attack she'd nearly worked herself into yet again. Her fucking brain. She needed to be calm for this.

"I'm so tired, Dan. I'm exhausted and I don't know if I can deal with another year at a team that won't respect you. This year was too much. I can't lose you again. Please don't make me lose you again."

"It won't happen, Emmy. I swear it's not going to. I'm gonna be right here."

"It happened twice."

And that was her fear. They'd basically lost each other last Christmas, and what should have been the final nail in the coffin was Melbourne. They shouldn't be together. They'd fought for so long, they'd promised each other. But she didn't know if she could fight for another year to try not lose him.

"That was different and you didn't lose me. I fucked up but we're right here. Remember that forever promise we made?" He kissed her ring finger, Em smiling through her tears.

"I almost did and it felt like I couldn't breathe. I can't go through it again. Call me selfish but I just can't."

"You're not selfish. You're the exact opposite of selfish, Babe." The pain in Dan's voice made Em feel even worse than she did saying it.

"I feel like I am. I know how much you love racing."

"But I love you more." He punctuated his words with a kiss before continuing. "I'm chasing loving racing again, and I've stopped loving it now. Maybe it's time to let it come back to me. If it works I can try get a seat in 2024. If not I've got you, and we can work it out from there. I can be a househusband. I was thinking about it, y'know? Maybe it's time for me to be a househusband, you get your year. I'll stay home, make breakfast, do laundry, all that. You deserve a year of not doing anything after taking care of everything I've thrown at you."

"You and I both know you'd go insane if you did that. It'd be fun for a week." A watery giggle escaped, Dan smiling at her ability to laugh.

"Maybe two? But it can be your year. I want you to be happy, not just following me around the world while I'm doing it."

"All I wanna do is be with you. I just...I want you to be my Danny for a while. I don't want to have to share you with the world for once. What I really need right now is to wake up on a weekend and not go anywhere. I want us to stay in our bed, not in a hotel unless we're on holiday. I hate myself for being this selfish and asking you, but I need this."

"A weekend in bed not going anywhere sounds really good right now." Dan kissed her nose, brushing the hair out of her face to make sure Em was looking at him. "I'm telling you, you're not selfish."

"I feel like I am. I feel like I'm making a decision for everyone. Michael's gonna need a new job, it's a mess."

"I was thinking about telling him I think it's better for our friendship to not work together so that'll be fine. Jack's looking for someone for F2 next year, that might work. But you're not making a decision for everyone, you're telling me how you feel. I told you before. If you asked I'd walk away. We deserve to be happy. You deserve that."

"I love you." She held onto him tightly, desperate to make it clear how much she loved him. She didn't deserve Daniel. Not at all. Somehow he loved her even though she'd made a mess of so much. "It's just one year. Then we can go back. You can keep racing till your forties if you want like Fernando. I don't care if you do."

"You really think I want to race that long? Two or three babies and racing around the world for twenty something weeks a year?"

"Seb is. For now." She wasn't looking forward to saying goodbye to someone who'd always been kind to her.

"Yeah, but I don't think I'll be able to do that after our kids start school. There's a difference between Switzerland and Perth."

"If you want to do it the option will be there. As long as you want to keep racing and you're happy you know I'll support you. We can work around anything else." Em snuggled into him at his words, at the knowledge. He wasn't lying. They'd be happy. She'd make herself be happy.

"We can talk about it then. But Toto and Christian have already been in contact about a reserve role. Christian rang before I even did the video. But I'm focusing on you and me first."

"Thank you," Em breathed out.

"For what?"

"For being you. I just wanna be your girl. I wanna be your girlfriend in public and nothing else. I...I need to be your girl for more than a week, not your assistant. I love my job and I love working but I need this. I need to not think about the fact that I share you with the world for a weekend. I know it's a lot to ask but I need that. Just one year. Can you give me a year?" She felt awful asking, but they were there together. She knew he wouldn't feel bad about her asking.

"With one condition."

"Anything you want."

"Marry me. I'll take a year off as long as you marry me."

"Did you hit your head or something? Want to do it again?"

"We said we were going to do it properly, right? I'd propose and we'd have a wedding with our family and that's what I want for us. A year off and we can plan our wedding. Go wherever we want for our honeymoon. No schedule, no fitting it into a two week gap and a honeymoon over the summer break. Just us and the people we care about. So marry me, Emmy?"

"Yeah. This sounds perfect." She kissed her husband, grinning against him as he held her left hand and kissed the perfect engagement ring he'd given her in August when she'd proposed in LA. Getting to do this their way was more important to them than revealing anything else. It felt right.

The next morning when Blake came over for breakfast before the three of them went to the hotel they spoke to him about their decision. It was easier than Em expected it to be, Blake agreeing with both of them entirely. Dan was burnt out, Em was a mess of a human, they were shadows of who they were just a year before. It made sense.

He didn't admit it, but Em knew Blake was exhausted too. He'd been carrying her and Dan for the last six months on his own, a year away from all of their travelling and chaos would be good for him too. They could recharge and focus and next year Blake could start putting feelers out about potential seats.

The other thing they agreed was Em was taking a leave of absence from work. She hated it. She hated feeling like she couldn't do her job. But she needed to look after herself and both of her boys agreed. As soon as Dan said it she knew he was right, nodding and hugging him. At least they got to tell Blake about planning the wedding, and the hug her big brother gave her was worth everything.

Once they got to the hotel it became the normal race weekend whirlwind. Dan was in media and strategy meetings while Em stayed in her hotel room, Criminal Minds on tv while she smiled at her ring and took down little notes about the wedding they wanted. Blake was there showing her the progress he'd made on hiring the horse for Dan's grand entrance to COTA the following day. Her idiot was actually attending press day on a horse. It was entirely Blake's fault for encouraging it months ago.

When Dan got back they facetimed his parents to give them the news, Em crying as Joe said he was happy to finally get to properly call her their daughter now. It was a good day. She was taking the good day.

The only downside to arriving to the circuit was firstly that she couldn't hold Dan's hand because of the horse, and secondly having to hide her engagement ring. She didn't want to take it off, but it was an unspoken agreement that they weren't telling anyone outside their people until after the season was over. They didn't want McLaren using it for media. She didn't want an instagram post from anyone who was firing her husband congratulating the happy couple. She didn't want that orange team involved in her personal life, so the announcement could wait. The nice part was getting to pet the horse Dan was riding. Before Bluey was saddled up she got to brush him down under his groom's careful eye, and afterwards she brushed him and gave him an apple as a treat. It felt like back in Montana, brushing the horses there and her anxiety disappearing for a gorgeous few moments.

Once that was done she didn't have much to do for the afternoon. Blake was officially taking over what she'd been doing, following Dan from meeting to meeting instead of Em. To avoid even more rumours and speculation she wandered the paddock every hour or so with her iPad in hand, chatting to people she knew and acting like it was normal.

It was a weird relief that not working was a help. She still had her therapy sessions with Mildred every Monday - plus a Thursday one before most race weeks - still had her every two weeks psychiatrist appointments to talk about her medication levels, but it felt like it wasn't working. She felt like she was jumping out of her skin, anxiety a constant in her head. A decent part of her wished she could stay in their hotel rooms on any given weekend, but she had to be there for Dan.

Her weekends were most comfortable when she went from the entrance to Dan's room and back again. Nobody bothered her in there, she hid away while her friends and husband were busy, and she felt awkward sitting in hospitality with people looking at her like she was a dead woman walking. So instead she lay along the massage table pinning things to a pinterest board to start wedding planning. Her plan was to show Dan what she liked and they could decide after.

Between taking notes about not wanting designated seats so it could be a mix of people and looking at flower options she dozed off where she lay. Sleep was at a premium for Em on race weekends, but having something nice to think about helped her doze.

She woke up to Dan's kisses against her forehead, not even opening her eyes but reaching out for Dan to squeeze her hand. It was a quick murmur that he'd be back soon, he just had one more meeting and then they could go. Before she knew it Dan was back, helping her stand and fixing her hair so she didn't look like she'd spent the last hour sleeping. They walked out of the paddock hand in hand, ready for the hotel and to curl up in bed together.

"I wish we could just stay in our house instead of here," Em whispered as she looked out the window to the city view in front of them. It was gorgeous, the room was luxurious. But she wanted their house with the mattress that they didn't even have a bed frame for yet. Dan stood behind her, Em resting her back against his front. She could relax and let her anxiety float away for the next few hours until they had to get up and do it the next day and the next and the next, before the brief reprieve before Mexico.

"Saturday night after Blake's birthday dinner? And next time we're here we can stay there full time."

"That sounds perfect."

Waking up on Friday morning was nearly impossible. The universe knew Em wasn't an early bird, but she felt absolutely drained. She didn't want to think about it, but something was wrong with her. She knew when it took Dan shaking her shoulder to wake her up. Usually kisses against her forehead would wake her but the last week or so it had been harder and harder to wake herself up and move more. The kisses were still there but not enough.

"Morning Baby, hey. Sleep well? I've been trying to wake you for a few minutes." Dan was smiling at her as she blinked blearily at him.

"Jetlag? Mornin'. Do we have five more minutes?"

"We're down to ten, but we've got time." He always woke her a little bit early before they actually had to get up. Usually it was fifteen minutes but she'd burned through that time already.

"Mmm, thank you."

It was quiet for a moment before Dan spoke again. "When's your next blood test for?"

She'd been getting them semi regularly since the first doctor's appointment when she came back, the realisation that her iron and calcium levels were low not helping her mental health. The supplements were helping, but the exhaustion remained.

"Before Christmas? I think?"

"Want me to make a doctor's appointment for after Mexico? I can call when they're open on Monday for you. You're sleeping a lot, I just wanna make sure your iron didn't drop or anything. You haven't really been eating much."

She'd been exhausted and barely eating. Part of it was just not being hungry, part of it was nothing was appetising. Even her usual foods that would always make her want to eat weren't it. Even the snack plates that she'd usually pick at weren't worth it.

"Yeah, ok. Just...don't tell Michael? I don't wanna hear about it from him. I don't want more supplement ideas and stuff."

"I won't even think about it."

She went to move to get up but didn't, too comfy there. "'m sorry 'm so tired. It's just been exhausting the last few weeks."

"We'll go home after Mexico and find out. Maybe you just need a med tweak. Or we can go see a doctor here. Go to a clinic, get an iron test to see if it's something to do with that?"

"Nah, we can wait till we're back. Extra naps will work?"

"You'll be all good, Love. I've got you."

Em didn't want to get out of the bed when she was warm, comfortable, and safe in bed with her husband. She didn't want to go to the paddock, and she definitely didn't want to sit in the orange decorated building while the rest of the team just waited for Dan to fail. Again.

But she didn't have a choice, so she got up and got dressed to go stand beside him. Her makeup hid the circles under her eyes, her hair was pulled back, and her outfit was perfect. She could do this. She could absolutely do this. Before they left the hotel room Dan gave her a hug and the sweetest kiss to make her smile.

They held hands for every second they could going through the paddock. All the way down to the car, on the drive in, and walking through the paddock. Dan held her hand proudly as they went in, getting her to go through the barrier first before following her in and taking her hand again.

Em didn't want to be at the track so early, especially when Dan wasn't even driving for FP1. Palou was in Dan's car for it as a rookie driver test, and while she had nothing against Alex she didn't want to watch him. She didn't care about motorsport. It had taken her years of trying to be interested but she didn't care. She cared about Dan driving and that was it. So instead she stayed in Dan's tiny room in hospitality, reading her kindle. The second the interviews and press conferences were done she switched the tv off and kept reading. Her friends were working and getting Dan ready for the rest of the day but she stayed there.

The nice part was that between chapters and looking at pinterest on her iPad for wedding ideas Dan would come upstairs for the briefest hug. He always came with tea and a smile, a quick kiss and a "miss you". He could go back knowing she was fine there.

"You need to go back to work, you're in the car in twenty minutes," Em told him as he dawdled going back downstairs once he was in his orange race suit.

"What if I don't wanna? I wanna stay here with you." She put her kindle away and stood up to take his hand, ready to go stand in the garage to watch him for the hour.

"I could kidnap you and we can go home? Nobody knows where our house is, we can hide there maybe?"

"Is it kidnapping if I'm your husband?"

"I mean not if you go willingly." Dan laughed and his loud honk made her smile. He was there with her and it was worth it.

"You gonna stay here or wanna come down to the garage with Blake?"

"Garage. You know I'm not gonna miss you in the car, no matter what."

"If you need anything just head out, ok? I'll find you after. Just tell Blake."

"I'll be fine, don't worry." She leaned up to kiss his cheek and watched as Dan smiled at her.

"I always worry. Same way you worry about me. It's what we do."

They were about to walk out when Em pulled him back for a moment, watching as Dan looked at her. "I know weekends at your room here used to be more fun and sexy and great. I...I'm sorry it's not like that anymore. Now it's just a mess and yeah. I wish it was like we used to be. I'm just boring now."

"Baby girl, we're married and in our thirties. We're supposed to be boring."

"I'm being serious."

"I know you are." She looked away but Dan's fingers cupped her chin, pulling her up to look at him. "Look at me Emmy. You are the smartest, funniest, most interesting person in the universe. You're my favourite person. You're my wife and I love you. I don't care if we just sit in silence doing nothing for a week. As long as I'm with you I'm happy and having fun. Nobody does it like us. right?"

"Right. And I love you too. Forever and always."

"And to the moon and to Saturn. Let's go and it's one more driving session to the end of the year."

She walked down holding his hand, kissing his helmet and telling him to go fast and be safe before taking her spot beside Blake. Her headphones went on and she stood there holding Blake's hand as they watched the time tick down.

The worst part of the sessions was having to hide her anxiety, the cameras flashing to her and her name appearing on TV. Emma Smyth, Daniel Ricciardo's partner. It still felt surreal that the world knew it. It was pure anxiety as she stood waiting, taking slow deep breaths as Blake squeezed her hand. It was one more hour until she could hide away again.

She hated seeing him in that car. She'd always trusted the cars he drove, always trusted the teams he had. But not anymore. And it was hard because she knew he didn't trust it either. She hated living with the feeling that he didn't trust the car to perform the same way lap after lap. The feeling kept growing in her chest until he was finally wheeled back in when practice ended. He sent her a wink as he got out of the car, Em's smile returning seeing him there safe. If he could have Dan would have given her a hug but he was immediately surrounded by engineers to give feedback to.

By the time Dan was free to leave the circuit it was nearly dark outside. The debriefing took time, and then he had to do partnership stuff that took longer than expected. For this time she decided to be brave and go into hospitality, sitting beside Blake. He kept her distracted by asking questions about things that he really didn't need to ask. For years they'd worked beside each other and it felt totally normal, and even now she wasn't working it felt normal and looked normal. She didn't know what she'd do without him.

Saturday was a day when she had to put her bravest face on because it was Blake's birthday. Despite another day of not wanting to leave the hotel room she got dressed and smiled, following Dan to their best friend's hotel room to give him a giant hug and the presents they'd gotten for him. Her big brother gave her a hug in return, a whispered thank you more than enough for her. She had to hold on for Blake's day. Had to.

She spent practice and qualifying in the garage, holding Blake's hand as usual when they watched Dan get into the car. It had been a happy week in one of their favourite cities, her rings hanging around her neck as she looked on. But instead she watched as the man she loved got out of the car frustrated after Q1, qualifying seventeenth. This stupid team and this stupid car and she had to keep herself together because she didn't want cameras on her.

Dan coming over to say sorry to Blake because he wanted to make his friend proud but didn't broke her heart. It was all Dan ever wanted to do, to make his wife, his friends, his family happy and proud of him. She knew he was aware of the sacrifices people had made to help him, and he was determined to make it worth it. But for nearly all of this two year stint at McLaren it hadn't worked. She'd watched him try. But yet again he was putting a brave face on and a fake smile about how he was going to make up places on Sunday.

She watched him blame himself yet again in front of the media and the world and Em wanted to whisk him away. She wanted to make it all better. He deserved more. She'd seen it with her own eyes, she'd been there when he'd won races. He'd never won them easily. All she wanted was to take him away from the stress and the constant criticism. But she couldn't.

As soon as they were finally alone - after Dan had done media and cooled down with Michael, finally entering his room where Em was waiting. Her arms went straight around him, holding tightly so he could know she was there.

"I'm sorry, Baby. I thought I could get into Q2 for Blake and for you. Make this weekend good for us." She looked up at Dan, trying to keep herself from falling apart.

"It's already a good weekend. You did everything you could, Baby. I don't blame you." Dan just held her tighter, doing everything to keep it together for a few more moments. But then he had to go back to the debrief while Em packed their stuff up. The hotel restaurant was booked for that evening for Blake's birthday. Just the four of them, a chill evening before some of Blake's friends from other teams went to a booking they had in a barbecue place after the race on Sunday. Part of her wished it was just the three of them, pushing that thought away from her head. She loved Michael. She did. He was just difficult to be around lately.

In a shocking turn of events Dan's debriefing didn't take as long as expected. But even with his performance there were fans there to ask for autographs and photos. Em soaked in the love everyone else had for him as he got to glow. Even with that delay they were in the hotel slightly earlier than expected and going straight to their room to get ready.

"We don't have time for a bath, right?" Dan asked, Em kissing his cheek.

"No Baby. We have to be downstairs in half an hour. You have time for a quick shower if you want one."

"Will you come with me? Please?"

It took nothing for Em to agree to go with him, walking into the bathroom and helping Dan to undress as she got her own clothes off. Dan set the shower up while Em stepped in, feeling his arms around her as he got under the showerhead too.

"Can we have a bath tomorrow when we go home?"

"That's the best plan I've heard all week."

Em wanted to spend more time than they had there, trying to get Dan to relax. But instead she carefully washed and conditioned his hair, giving them the love Dan didn't in a normal shower. He did the same for her hair, the apple scent of her shampoo filling the steamy room. Ten minutes wasn't nearly enough but they were out, Dan pushing a kiss to the 3 tattoo on her wrist before he let her go.

Five minutes later Em was nearly ready, just running the hairdryer over her so the wet strands didn't dampen her clothes. Once it was mostly dry she was happy, taking Dan's hand to go back downstairs.

Blake and Michael had arrived before the two of them, Em catching the tail end of their whispered conversation with "-my night out, don't do that." all she could hear. As soon as they realised they were there the two men stepped apart as Blake greeted them.

She knew it was serious when Michael didn't make comments about what Dan should order thanks to his race weekend diet. It was even weirder when he didn't say anything about what Em should eat, or how much, or how she should avoid certain foods. She may have been exhausted but she knew it was Blake. The tail end of their conversation was the only evidence she needed to know he'd said something about keeping suggestions quiet.

Em hated to admit it, but it was glorious. She got to watch Dan eat an actual meal that he enjoyed and she was even hungry for the first time in a while. Finishing the whole plate was a challenge but she ate slowly, sipping her drink and putting her fork down when it was finished. The fond look on Dan's face was everything.

The three others at the table looked at her surprised when Em nodded and took a dessert menu. Michael wasn't having one and she didn't want Blake to have his birthday dessert alone. It was easy to pick a strawberry and apple crumble and ask for a second spoon. She ate it carefully in layers, smiling as Dan took a couple of spoonfuls of fruit and left the icecream for her. She ignored the looks Michael gave them as they shared, the plain green tea sat in front of him telling her everything she needed to know.

It was an early night by birthday celebration standards but with the race the next morning they didn't have a choice. It was a hug for Blake and a promise that tomorrow night would involve drinks and dancing and fun. She'd get through it for him, he deserved it.

As soon as the door to their hotel room closed and the latch went on their clothes disappeared to go to bed. The way Dan's arm had been around her waist was all Em needed to know that her husband needed her extra close that night. It was a quick trip to the bathroom to wash their faces and get themselves ready as Em pushed kisses across his face before dragging him to bed.

She really didn't think anything would happen between them, just holding each other and goodnight kisses. Dan had to get sleep before the race, but then his lips moved down her jaw and to her neck, one hand on her ass pulling her in as his knee slipped between her thighs. It was like a flame was lit in her, she needed her husband. She needed to feel him as close as possible. She needed to hear him whisper her name like a prayer, hands holding her tightly and leaving the fingertip bruises that sang she was his and nobody else's to the world. It was electric and everything she could have asked for, groaning Dan's name out as he begged her to tell him everything he made her feel.

Dan helped her up and helped her clean before she went back to bed with him, wrapped up in his arms to sleep. For once on a race night she was able to actually get asleep at a reasonable time, the lub-dub of Dan's heartbeat steady under her ear.

Getting up on race morning was the worst feeling. Em wished she could have stayed in bed. Staying there with a bottle of wine - even if she wasn't meant to be drinking because of her medication - hot water for her favourite tea, some snacks, the latest crappy romance series she was reading on her kindle, and maybe ice cream as she curled up beside Dan in bed would have been the best day. Instead she had to go to a paddock filled with people who wanted photos and autographs from Dan.

If she had her choice she'd stay back in the hotel with her favourite people but she couldn't. She had to make herself look presentable because cameras didn't lie, and she didn't need another "concerned" instagram commenter asking about if she was ok because of a photo where she didn't look perfect. Dan didn't care if her hair was a mess or if she wasn't wearing makeup or if she was in casual clothes, but the world did. So she forced herself up and prettied herself and was ready to leave. It took a deep breath as she held Dan's hand and walked out of the bubble of their hotel room. They were going to their house that night. She could make it work.

The entire drive to the circuit was cuddling under Dan's arm. Holding his hand on the backseat wasn't enough for her. She needed Dan to hold her until they got there and had to let go, and he never ever complained about it.

It was another morning of faking smiles in front of everyone, cameras recording and fans taking photos and calling Dan's name. She'd put her earplugs in before they even reached the circuit to block some of the noise but it didn't fully help. She focused on Dan's warm hand in hers and took deep breaths to keep herself calm. Em ignored the cameras and photographers watching them, instead looking at her husband and at Blake to remind herself she wasn't alone. She focused on Dan's fingers squeezing her hand. He'd promised not to let her go and he wouldn't.

Once she settled down in his driver's room he kissed her goodbye to go to the different race morning duties he had, making sure she was ok. Dan promised to see her as soon as he could and Em sat there and breathed deeply, earplugs replaced with her Beats to match Dan's and music playing. A couple more hours and they were out of there. Dan just had to go around the track and then they were free to go home. Back to their actual house to get changed and celebrate Blake, and go back to sleep on that mattress she'd already fallen in love with.

Dan came back up to get changed, Em standing up to go back to the garage with him. He'd taken the time to come up and give them enough time to see each other and make her feel better before facing the cameras. Usually he was surrounded by Blake and Michael before getting ready but this time it was just the two of them in a moment alone.

When he pulled his shirt off he took the necklace he was wearing off too, handing his rings over to Em to keep safe. She watched him get into the nomex and saw just how slim he was getting. Let the year end. Just let it end. As he stood and stretched he held out his right hand, Em taking it with her left. Just like they had in Baku and Montreal already this year they were going to the garage together. He was walking through the paddock holding her hand and not caring what the world thought. Reason one million why Em loved him.

"Ready to go?" She thought she'd hidden how she was feeling but it was clear from Dan's reaction that she hadn't really.

"You know, right?" Em whispered in response to avoid his question with the one she knew the answer to. They'd tattooed it to keep it front of mind.

"I know, Baby Girl. I love you too." Dan nodded and raised their joined hands to kiss her ring finger. Like always her wedding and engagement ring were on her necklace hiding below her shirt, Dan's joining them for safe keeping for the race. He'd be allowed wear it but that meant publicity and neither of them wanted that.

"Good. Go fast, be safe, and come back to me. Please." She nearly got it out without the final word but Em couldn't help herself, looking up at Dan and trying not to cry. Please be safe. Please come home. She was panicking more and more about what he did.

"I always will."

It was one final kiss and a long hug before they left the room. Blake was standing outside the door waiting for them, clearing a path through the crowd to get them into the garage and away from prying eyes and just where the tv cameras could catch her but nobody else. It was clear he didn't want to leave where she stood, but one nod from their best friend and Dan kissed her on the forehead and went to get into the car.

Em wished he never did.

Qualifying was bad, but finishing second to last was even worse. He'd been overtaken by nearly everyone he qualified ahead of, and he was forever behind a Haas. As much as she adored Mick Dan shouldn't have been down there with him. As soon as he was weighed he came straight to her, the two of them finding a corner to just be for a few moments before the real world had to intrude again. She knew Blake and Michael were making excuses but she didn't care, arms around Dan and holding him tightly.

"I'm so sorry, Emmy. I'm sorry I fucked up and disappointed you." The heartbreak in his voice was too easy to hear and she was so angry that he thought she could be disappointed in him.

"Hey, no. No, Danny. You can never disappoint me. Not ever. Not about a result in a race. I love you. I love my husband. I love my Danny. Fuck this entire circus, I care about you. Not cars on a track."

"I love you too. So fuckin' much. You don't know how much I do."

"I've a slight idea. You're gonna be ok. We're gonna be fine. Three to go."

"Three left. Yeah." He was quiet for a moment and she could feel him taking a deep breath in. "I don't wanna go to media."

"I'll pay the fine if you want. I offered to in Monaco. Whatever makes you happy." She nearly thought he'd take it, but instead she watched as he stood up and pressed his thumb against where he knew their rings hung on her necklace as if for good luck.

"I'll see you after? We can go and pick up our bags from the hotel before we go to dinner with everyone."

"Sounds like a plan, I'll pack up." She went to separate but took her necklace off, unthreading her thin gold wedding ring from the chain before putting it back on. Dan watched as she held it up before handing it over. "For your pinkie. I'm right there with you while you're doing it."

It took everything in her to let Dan leave and go in front of the media. She knew some of the reporters, knew the ones who'd be good to him and wouldn't ask awkward questions that left him with no hope for a good answer. They could leave soon and that was what mattered.

Her brain kept boiling over with revenge plots that she knew in her heart and soul she couldn't let happen. She couldn't destroy McLaren, as much as she wished she could. It would hurt more than help. So instead she focused on putting everything into backpacks. Usually it was done neatly, clothes folded and cables coiled up. This time she just put it all in as fast as she could. She wanted to be out of the room the moment Dan arrived up to say they were free. The TV in the corner was playing an interview with him, and the moment "I don't know how I'm continuing to continue on" came out of his mouth she was so angry. She needed to be out of the circuit.

Everything was nearly done when she heard it. The remote was in her right hand to switch the TV off when Zak Brown's face appeared on it talking about Dan's performance and how he wasn't performing. She knew but seeing him talk about personal problems made her want to scream.

Em remembered Dan's description of his anger that day in Baku when the photo of them was made public. The way everything took over because the woman he loved was hurt and he couldn't change it. He had to control himself because Em needed him. And that evening in Austin she felt the exact same way, but this time there was nobody else to stop her. Without a second thought her fist made contact with the metal door hiding her from the world, a sickening crunch heard as she made contact.

“Fuck. Fuck!” Em clutched her hand to her chest as she stared at the dent in the metal door of the drivers room. She hadn’t meant to do that. It was supposed to be a little hit just to get her frustration out. Instead she couldn’t bend her fingers and she wanted to cry.

The fucking race and Zak Brown opening his fucking mouth because he couldn’t stand that the attention wasn’t on McLaren for one damn weekend. But no he had to say the cost cap penalty wasn’t enough and talk shit about Dan and if it was his face or the door at least his face wouldn’t have hurt so much.

“Ems? You ok?” She looked up to see Blake walk into the room as concern spread across his face. “TimTam what happened?”

“Punched the door.” He moved her hand and she groaned while a tear fell. “Fuck that hurts.”

“I want Michael to look, I think you might have broken it.”

“I’ll be fine till we get to Mexico. I just need to get out of here. Please Blakey.”

She nearly got through to him and convinced him to stay quiet until the door opened and Dan and Michael arrived in.

“Emmy?”

“She punched the door, her hand’s swelling up and it’s already starting to bruise. I think she might—“

“Don’t say it. Just don’t.” She was hanging on by a thread. Someone actually saying it was broken would make her lose every moment of composure she had left.

“Let me take a look.” Dan held her waist as Michael got her to twist her wrist. Flexing her fingers was completely out of the question and even in the ten minutes since it happened it was clear that her hand was swelling quickly.

“Looks like a boxers fracture Wriggle, but you need an X-ray. It might be the finger beside it too. Hospital.”

“I can’t go to the hospital. If I get spotted? If someone realises I’m there? It’s more bad fucking publicity. I’ll be fine.” She rambled for another minute before Dan stopped her with a kiss.

“Give us a sec?” Blake and Michael left the room to let them be alone and Em looked up at Dan. “You need to go, Baby. You need to. I don’t want my wife getting any more injured. I’ll go with you and we’ll be in and out and it’ll be fine. But please. I need to make sure you’re ok.”

“Fine.”

She didn't know how they managed to get out of the circuit without attracting more attention but she would forever be happy about it. Blake found a hotel near their house and pulled up, Dan walking in with her wearing a Ric3 hat to try avoid attention. He had to fill in the paperwork because she couldn't balance the clipboard with her injured hand. Em grinned watching Dan put her married name on the sheet and marking himself as her husband. The hospital needed to know it.

The triage was miserable and she was called back with Dan, leaving Michael and Blake behind. They did the same tests before and then asked Dan to leave the room for a few moments to go out to the waiting area. Her anxiety was ratcheting up as he left after the confirmation that she'd broken a bone in her hand, the medical staff asking her exactly how it had happened and if she was protecting herself. She didn't understand why they were asking until it was too late and Em was left alone in a room with a doctor and nurse.

"You can tell us what's going on. We can protect you." Her exhausted and anxious brain didn't make the connection.

"Protect me from what? A door I won't see again because this was Dan's last race there for...possibly forever? I'm not going to punch it again. I just want to get fixed up and go home."

"Is home safe for you, Mrs Ricciardo?"

They didn't ask that. They didn't. They couldn't. Home was the only safe place she had left in the world. Whether it was the farm, the apartment in London or one of the ridiculous places they called home it was safe for her. Anywhere that wasn't another Hilton hotel room was safe. Lying down with her husband and feeling him hold her was the best thing she had going for her. That was what she needed, to curl up with Dan on their mattress and have him hold her and tell her it was going to be ok.

"Home is my safe place. I've got my home and my husband and my family. Why are you asking this? Where's my husband? Why did you make him leave?"

"We think it might be better for you to-" The soft voice of the nurse made her angry. They were trying to convince her that something was wrong and as little as Em believed in her brain right then she knew Dan was right. He was the glue holding her together.

"You don't know me. You don't know what's best for me. You have no idea. I want my husband. Please. I just want my Danny. why isn't he here?"

"Ma'am, we're just trying to protect you." Em shuffled back on the bed, away from the nurse who had medication in her hand.

"Are you not listening to me? There's nobody to protect me from! I told you already, I punched a door in COTA. My husband didn't do anything, I'm the one who made a stupid mistake. Go ask anyone out there or my therapist or my psychiatrist, my husband isn't a violent man. Danny wouldn't hurt a fly. Why aren't you listening to me? Isn't that supposed to be your job to listen?" The yelling in her head was getting even worse, she didn't want to be there. She wanted Danny and could feel the tears pricking against her eyelids as she shut her eyes. She just wanted Danny.

"Mrs Ricciardo, please. Let-"

"Don't touch me. Don't you dare touch me. I want my hand fixed, and if you think you're touching me you're only doing it in front of my husband or brother. I'm not doing it without them here."

She felt ridiculous. She was like a child throwing a tantrum but her head was screaming. She felt like her skin was on fire, the questions and insinuations about Dan making it even harder to think. Her broken hand was held against her chest as she brought her knees up, good arm wrapping around her legs.

The medical staff moved away from her and Em focused her breathing. She could do it. She'd be ok. If they didn't let her go she could run the second the door was open. She couldn't stay. The boys were outside and she knew they wouldn't leave her alone. They were just sitting outside and she could go out to them once the doctor was gone. All Em could do was try to hold herself together until she could go back outside.

-

When Dan came back out Blake could tell something was seriously wrong. His best mate was shaking his head, worry and fear spread across his features.

"DR?"

"They think I'm hurting her. They think I'm hurting Emmy. My Emmy? I...they think I broke her hand. The doctor all but wrestled me out of the room. She was crying and they made me leave. They might want to keep her in. I heard someone mention a psych consult for her room. B I can't. She can't." The guilt rushed through Blake's veins at the mention. They knew how fragile Em was. It was obvious that she'd barely made it through the weekend, they all knew that she was barely keeping herself together. But he thought Dan needed him more and left her alone and this had happened.

"It's gonna be ok. She's not staying here. It's not happening." He didn't know where the conviction came from but it did. "They came over and said they needed her insurance information. I have some stuff but you need all of it. Plus pay whatever they need before she comes out and you have to tell her whatever the treatment costs. I'll be here for when she comes back."

"Yeah. Yeah. Thanks. Both of you, I dunno what we'd do. She has to get out."

"She will. Go." He watched Dan be directed to a back office before sitting down and thinking who he could call. Who had the pull here? He wasn't sure.

"Maybe it's better she stays here. Em needs help. Travelling isn't helping. She can get better and Dan can focus on racing and after the season's over she can come back." Blake didn't believe what he'd heard.

"Take that back."

"We both know she's struggling. And you won't let me help her physically at least. Maybe this is a good thing." Michael sounded so sure and that felt like a kick in the teeth.

"We're in Texas. Austin's the good part of it but this state is dangerous for women. Add to that do you really think he'd focus? After how he was when she left. And the one person who calms her down is Dan. Why do you think I keep changing his schedule to give them five minutes?"

"But if she needs-"

"No. Just fucking no. You're fired." Dan had been considering it but after this? Once the season was up he was done. So done.

"Huh?"

"We'll talk about it later. But go back to the hotel. I don't know where we're staying tonight but just go. I don't want you anywhere near her. Not a fucking chance. Get out and stay away." Michael stood to leave as Dan came back, confused.

"What happened?"

"He's going back to the hotel. Remember we were talking about him leaving at the end of the year? I told him."

"But..." Blake didn't want to do it. Didn't want to shove another thing on his best mate's plate. He couldn't.

"He thinks Em might be better staying. He's worried about her too. I told him to go back to the hotel, it's stressful."

"If it was London or Perth I might say yes. She's been sleepy, she's been miserable. Getting out of bed is impossible. But not here, I can't leave her in the States. We just need to get to Abu Dhabi. We can get her there?" He was nearly begging and Blake nodded. Whatever it took he was getting them through the next four weeks. However he could.

"Mr Ricciardo?" An unfamiliar nurse came over and Blake stood at the same time Dan did. "Your wife needs painkillers and a cast. They want to get a psychiatrist down for her but there's nobody on call tonight. I'm assuming from what she said she has one?"

"Yeah. And a therapist. It's been helping but this year has been bad." Understatement of the fucking year as far as Blake was concerned.

"I'm a fan, I know what's happening. I've got an ortho to wrap her hand and get you both out but she won't let anyone in unless it's you or her brother? I don't want them seeing you there, is her brother here?"

"That's me." He watched her take in the clear differences between him and Em, the accents being the most prominent.

"Parent trapped or something? As long as she says you are that's what matters. Come back and we can get her out in ten."

"Deal." He followed her straight back, terrified to see how Em was when he got to the room.

-

Em was ready to fight anyone when she saw the door open, a new nurse walking in with an IV kit in her hand. But Blake was standing right behind her and Em thought she could breathe again.

"B?"

"Hey Timmy." He came straight over and took her right hand, squeezing once and it was like the crushing weight on her chest lifted slightly.

"Where's...I don't know where Dan is? A doctor took him out to ask him questions and they think he hurt me and they don't believe me? I told them. I told them what I did but they didn't believe me."

"It's ok Emmy, calm down. I'm right here, I told them it was you who hit the door. It's fine. Dan's fine, he's out there filling in forms and billing stuff so he asked me to come back to stay with you. You know what American hospitals are like." She started to calm until the bill hit her. This was going to be insane and he shouldn't have to pay it.

"No, no it's gonna be so exp-"

"You think that health insurance we have doesn't cover America? He just has to give details. As soon as you came on full time he added you to the health insurance. It's all good."

"Thanks Blakey."

"Any time, Timtam. But you need to let the nurse do it, ok? It's just a painkiller so they can set your cast. There's a new doctor who isn't a dick outside. But they can't do it unless you've got fluids and a painkiller cause it'll hurt."

"I dunno what I can take with my medication. I don't want to feel fuzzy." Tears of frustration were there about to fall. She didn't want to talk. She wanted to go back to when she didn't need to talk because Dan knew what she meant. It was too much.

"Do you trust me?"

"You know I do." It was the honest truth. She trusted him more than she trusted anyone, even herself.

"Then let her give you this so you can get fixed up and we can go home. It's all good."

The only reason she agreed was because Blake asked her. He was safe. He was always safe. He was the reason she came back in the end, the reason she agreed to go to Monaco and see Dan again. He wouldn't let anyone hurt her, and she knew that. So she took a deep breath and squeezed his good hand as the needle went into her elbow, the nurse showing her the bag of saline and the bottle of IV paracetamol before it was hooked up.

Blake held her while they went through everything, a thick white cast wrapped around her hand feeling heavy as she sat there. He kept telling her how brave she was and how good she was doing while Em just sat looked at the floor. Once she was ready to leave he helped her up and put his hoodie around her, the nurse smiling and wishing her well.

If Blake didn't have an arm around her shoulders she would have fallen when she saw Dan outside. His eyes were red, face in a frown and he just looked defeated. He hadn't looked like that since they'd gotten the call that his contract was being ended. Her husband sat in an empty corner of the hospital waiting room with a cap on trying to be unnoticed, totally lost in his thoughts. It wasn't until Blake called him that he realised they were there, standing up and arms immediately going around her. Em felt like she could finally, finally breathe again.

"Can we go home? Please?" She whispered against his chest. The terror that someone would hear and not let her leave was all encompassing.

"Let's get out of here. I finished all the paperwork, they said you were just finishing up. We're all good, let's go home."

"Can we stop for pizza? I want cheese pizza and they said I need to eat." Dan had his arm around her directing her out, agreeing that they'd stop. "Wait. Where's Michael?"

"He went back to the hotel to pack, it's all good. Let's head." Blake led the way to the car so they could finally leave. Em slid into the back seat, Dan across from her and holding her hand.

She didn't remember much of the drive back to the house. She knew they stopped for pizza, Blake getting back in the car with boxes. There was a conversation about what the official story would be, how they'd tell people she'd broken her hand. Honestly she didn't care. She didn't want to give a shit about telling people what she was doing or how she'd been hurt but she didn't have a choice in that anymore. The world got to know everything about her.

When they made it inside Dan brought her to their room, helping her get her jeans and bra off and instead putting on cosy pjs. Blake had seen her in worse, this didn't matter to her. Instead he brought her back to the kitchen where Blake had shared their food out.

She made herself eat two slices and it was enough, after that Em curled into Dan and held onto him so tightly she thought she'd burst. The painkillers had dulled her hand to a throb and she just wanted to sleep. There was talk of moving a flight and sorting stuff and she didn't care. She just wanted to sleep.

But there was a voice in the back of her head getting louder and louder. Dan wiped her face down with micellar water and helped her into bed, pulling her close once he'd stripped down. Her ring was still on his pinkie and it made her smile.

But she'd tied him down to a crazy wife who couldn't keep her shit together. She'd given him the option in Montreal. Chloe had told her about a walk up Mont Royale where you could see the city laid out beneath you. She'd said it to Dan then, that he could leave. She wouldn't blame him for leaving then. He could go and be happy and find someone who deserved him.

He didn't sign up for a girlfriend with mental health problems. Who was having a breakdown and ruining their lives. Who had days where speaking was too much for her, the words wouldn't come.

It had happened since she was a kid. Maybe not exactly like this but she'd always had to find coping mechanisms and now it didn't work. It wasn't her fault as a kid when her parents wouldn't help her and when she was in uni and couldn't afford anything apart from the six sessions from her uni gave her of therapy. But it definitely wasn't Dan's responsibility.

He deserved to be happy, he deserved to be with someone who loved him and wanted him to take a reserve role or the job with Haas. He deserved a happy wife and life and a family that she didn't know if she could give him. She didn't know if her anxiety would ruin them. It was so much.

So she was going to tell him he could leave. He deserved the world and maybe she wasn't the one to give it to him. She couldn't pull him out of drowning and she'd pull him down with her. She was going to ruin him and his reputation and his life, and she couldn't do that to him. She couldn't hurt him the way her mental health had hurt her. Anyone in their right mind would have walked away from her by then, but with the stress no wonder Dan didn't. Everyone else had left. Her parents, her extended family, her friends, her boyfriend. But Dan had been emotional and she'd proposed to him and it was so wrong. She'd basically forced him into it. It was a stupid, stupid decision and she'd ruined his life by doing it. So she was letting him go for his own good. He'd be happy to.

"Baby? Emmy you're crying. Do you need more painkillers? What's going on?" She hadn't realised she was crying. She didn't even mean to. Em took a deep breath before saying the words that were going to ruin her.

"I won't blame you. Y'know. If you want to leave. We've only been married for nine weeks, you can leave. No fault divorce, we leave with what we came in with. I don't want anything. You deserve better than a broken wife who can't keep herself together. I don't want to hold you back. I don't want anything. I can go."

The room was silent and Em could feel her heart break the longer the silence went on. It was over. Married for nine weeks to the love of her life and she had just ended it. In the same room he'd proposed to her so they could get married properly less than a week ago. How had she said yes then? She went to move out of the bed but Dan's iron grip kept hold of her.

"Don't ever say that. Never. Never ever. You are the only woman I want in my life. You're not broken, Emmy. You are here and whole and alive and beside me. I can't lose you. Please don't ask me that. Please don't ask me to leave you because I can't. I'd walk away from all of this before I lose you. You're my wife, Emmy. I promised I love you. I'm not leaving."

"You're not leaving?"

"No. I'm not going anywhere. Never. The day I got to put that ring on your finger was the best day of my life. I love you. The same way you love all of me for some reason. We're gonna fly to Mexico in a few days and we're gonna make you feel better. It's gonna take time, but we're going to be here. It's going to work. I promise. Come and sleep, Love. I'm not going anywhere."

Em curled into him, pushing a kiss against his chest. Sleep didn't come easily to her, but the noise of Dan's heartbeat and the warmth of him against her let her finally sleep.

@dr3lover @sabrinaselina55 @majx00 @tall-tanned-tattoo @lovingdennishauger @lauehr @msolbesg @f1medlife @idkwtfimdoing2 @leclercsbae @hiphopdancer101universe @mehrmonga @lewispool @saintandrea-droidsmuggler @coldheartedmar @sugarbabygirlofdaddy @nonsensical-nonce @a-distantdreamer @tita010 @leslizzle @javden @mloyer @saintandrea-droidsmuggler @magical-imagination-kgp @danarysstormborn @kakorrhaphiphobia @g-l-o-b-e-w-h-o-r-e @elizanav @neiich @luckyladycreator2 @scotlynaurora @belledawnidk

[brightlotusmoon]

From Doxie Simone on Facebook:

"You make fun of ONE non-binary person, and here come Basil, Moonshadow, Sock, Plum, Fang, Tofu, Crow, Patchouli, Cupid, Shade, Snow, Flannel, Brick, Daffodil, Quinn, Wildflower, Leaf, Lichen, October, Ink, September, Clover, August, Bone, Driftwood, Bread, Aspen, Spirit, Jasper, Lightbulb, Glitter, Tuna, Nebula, Zamboni, Cloud, Pickle, Starlight, Pancake, Jellybean, Twister, Toothbrush, Denim, Lava Lamp, Moonbeam, Disco, Apricot, Banjo, Fork, Sock Puppet, Fern, Ghost, Dune, River, Galaxy, Fig, Echo, Storm, Velvet, Rain, Phoenix, Stone, Feather, Indigo, Moss, Bunni, Ember, Ocean, Paperclip, Lotus, Birch, Compass, Button, Marshmallow, Cactus, Comet, Skye, Lavender, Cedar, Thorn, Breeze, Astral, Beer, Cricket, Horizon, Marble, Canyon, Timber, Shadow, Prism, Link, Willow, Fable, Solstice, Haze, Orbit, Bubbles, Trinket, Sapphire, Jayson, River, Skyler, Rowan, Taylor, Finley, Casey, Morgan, Avery, Reese, Harper, Charlie, Sage, Quinn, Alex, Riley, Jordan, Cameron, Dakota, Ellis, Bailey, Parker, Emery, Peyton, Blake, Drew, Avery, Logan, Devon, Jamie, Ashton, Kendall, Hayden, Blake, Jules, Tegan, Cassidy, Marley, Blair, Micah, Sam, Kai, Sawyer, Lennon, Sky, Dakota, Elliot, Lane, Arden, Ezra, Spencer, Emerson, Jude, Kieran, Harper, Ryan, Bailey, Brooks, Sage, Riley, Avery, Jude, Taylor, Avery, Sam, Logan, Alex, Kai, Quinn, Rowan, Casey, Alex, Drew, Jordan, Charlie, Reese, Wren, Cameron, Blake, Bailey, River, Skyler, Ashton, Kai, Devon, Elliot, Spencer, Marley, Kendall, Quinn, Taylor, Jordan, Parker, Reese, Hayden, Sage, Sky, Sam, Cameron, Emerson, Logan, Drew, Nimbus, X, Acorn, Sparrow, Rohan, Drift, Tinsel, Frost, Bramble, Ajax, Worm, Kay, Strigoi, Helios, Phalanx, Lee, Leo (short for Leonidas), Drayden, Angel, Alexander, Salem, Athena, Ajax, and HildaOliver, Sunny, Sage, Quasar, Jade, Jude, Bug, Mouse, Toro, Spark, Rocks, Moth, Roan, Sage, Bear, Pill, Banshee, Tooth, Nail, Lumia, Mutt, Rue, Roo, Ru, Rù, Thunder, Pyrite, Petal, Aurora, Lagoon, Pixel, Raven, Zephyr, Moth, Lyric, Wish, Atlas, Charm, Pocket, Lilac, Rune, Vapor, Dusk, Opal, Dusk, Dawn, Autumn, Stream, Halo, Tempest, Mist, Poppy, Gem, Nova, Quest, Dusty, Osprey, Orchid, Jinx, Flare, and Candle to jump you in the Whole Foods alley!"

[rwby-encrusted-blog]

Blake: *Ears Folded against her head* We're Being responsible. They're wearing condoms, and I take morning after pills every time. We haven't had a scare yet, but I'm being vigilant.

Blake: Everything we do is behind closed doors, and it hasn't been affecting Our G- *Glancing at Sun* Actually, because Sun's been around a lot more, his grades have improved.

Kali: Blake, Dear, it's not that we think you're being careless or unmindful ...

Ghira: What are you two's intentions with my Daughter?

Yang: I love her. I wouldn't hurt her, and if I did, I wouldn't stop until I made up for it, or ... Learned I couldn't. then I'd leave and let her grow and heal from whatever I did.

Ghira: You love her?

Yang: With all my heart.

Ghira: What about Marriage?

Kali: Ghira.

Blake: *panik*

Yang: *Blushing* I- That's-

Yang: *Swallow* We have only been dating for Seven Months, and Three days. We have a couple more years here at Beacon. I think Marriage is a possibility, but it's over the horizon Right now.

Ghira: You've put thought into it?

Yang: Of course I have. I plan for relationships by Milestone. One date plans for the Next. One month for the next six. One year for the Next two. If I plan it all out from the start I act like I know everything about a person, and like a I'm psychic and can tell the future or something.

Ghira: Good. I'm glad you've put as much forethought into this as you've had. I like you.

Ghira: Now, Sun-

Kali: Ghira!

Sun: No, Kali, It's fine. I didn't leave with the best of impressions, even if we did ... patch things up a little?

Ghira: Yes. I will be honest, I hated you at first. Now I just don't trust you completely.

Sun: Well ... We've all talked about our relationship and ... Uhm ... For now I'm just a Friend. A friend they "hang-out" with, but not too much more. I'm happy with this, and they say they are to.

Ghira: *looks to Blake and Yang*

Blake: We have. He's right.

Kali: What about that "For Now?"

Sun: Things Change. Things can Change. For now things are fine how they are.

Ghira: ... Fine. I believe you. Thank you for your Honesty. Both of you, Sun and Yang. And for making my daughter happy.

Blake: Is that ... All?

Ghira: That's all I have to talk about. Honey?

Kali: No marriage, no blonde babies?

Blake: No Mom.

Kali: Okay. Just wondering. That's all I have as well.

Blake: Great! I'll be back in a moment to just ... Talk! *Pulling out Gambol Shroud, sprinting across the hall* LIE REN YOU RATTING-OUT MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT-

What were you THINKING???

(Sequel to THIS??? Maybe... Please Add... Co-Labs are too fun!)

Glynda: *Using her world famous Mt Doom Stare on the collected adults, all forced to sit at desks* NOW, I'm sure you are all wondering why you have been summoned here.

Raven: *trying to speak through her gag, while struggling to get free of the ropes keeping her tied to a chair.* mmmphph... mmmphuph

Tai: *Raising his hand* I'm assuming that it has something to do with our children?

Glynda: You are correct Mr. Xiao Long. It has come to my attention...

Jasmine: I'm going to be a GRANDMA! YES YES YES!

Glynda: Thankfully no. I have taken the appropriate steps to help prevent Jaune and Pyrrha from reproducing until AFTER they graduate...

Athena: Pyrrha has a BOTFRIEND?!? Yes Yes Yes!

Jasmine: You mean my baby boy landed a celebrity hottie? YES YES YES! Grandbabies...

Glynda: THERE WILL BE NO GRANDBABIES UNTIL AFTER GRADUATION!!!

Athena/Jasmine: Says you...

Glynda: What was that?

Athena/Jasmine: Nothing!

[blakelysco-pilot]

The Very Thought of You

From the Love Letter Series

Robert “Rosie” Rosenthal x Josephine Harris (OFC)

As the highly regarded twenty-fifth mission approaches for Rosie and his crew, he's faced with startling realities that may change the course of his future. While Jo is back home, waiting patiently for his return, she receives news that she wasn't expecting from someone even more unexpected, that 'tests their relationship even more.

Read part 5 Here Follow along with the Love Letters Playlist

The officers club was, for the first time in a few weeks, filled. The new replacement officers were enjoying the whiskey, music and watching the Red Cross girls as they flitted around the room. Harry and Rosie were tucked away in a corner by the fireplace, nursing their drinks as they watched the fresh faced kids that had just shipped out, eager to join the fight, try and navigate their surroundings. Rosie wondered how they would fare- remembering the first night his crew had been in this very room. The atmosphere had been vastly different, a celebration of Captain Glenn Dye’s twenty-fifth mission. The faces of the original crews that had flown in from Greenland were intimidating. He had panicked so badly upon meeting Major’s Cleven and Egan that he had divulged to them that he and his crew had trained and flown in their skivvies. Pappy still hadn’t let him live it down, and he had a very strong feeling that once he was back stateside, Jo would end up hearing all about it from Croz. 

The irony wasn’t lost on him, sitting there now, his twenty-fifth on the horizon, one of the few people here now, who had been in the room months prior. Of the rest, so many were gone; he would wager that a good deal more men had died in this war, while the rest were being held as POWs in the Stalag. The two Majors, now no longer at Thorpe Abbotts; it was Rosie and Croz who were the old timers, along with James Douglass, Everett Blakely and Jack Kidd. It stirred up a cornucopia of emotions as he tried not to think about the possibility of what the next flight would bring. He was so lost in his own mind he didn’t see the three replacements at the bar, didn’t hear them talking about him specifically, nor did he hear Kidd setting them straight, 

“So, are you going to request Florida or Texas for your assignment?” Croz’s voice brought him out of his own head, eyes finding those of his friend. 

“I’ve already been to Texas, before my tour,” Rosie nodded, thinking back to those hot days of training in Laredo. “Training pilots in Florida just sounds better.”

“What I wouldn’t give to train pilots somewhere sunny after a year in this pea soup.” Croz sighed, leaning back in his chair. 

“Ah, your time will come.”

“But that’s the problem with being kicked up to operations. I hardly get to fly anymore.”

He was about to reply when the red light went on, the men around him sighing in disappointment of a night cut short. Glasses coming to rest on the bar and on tables, Rosie made to move as well, before Croz’s hand came to his shoulder, pushing him back into his seat. 

“Your crew’s on stand down for this one.” 

“Oh…”

“So, Florida huh?  Tell me you’re at least going home for a few days before.”

“Ma would be on the first train down if I didn’t.” He huffed out a laugh. The image of his Jewish mother from Brooklyn pushing her way through officers and The Brass in Florida just to give him a smack on the back of the head for not going home first brought a smile to his face. Mostly because he knew she’d do it too. 

“Just your Ma?”

He feels his cheeks warm instantly at Croz’s indirect mention of Jo, and realizes that it’s quite literally on the horizon. The day’s are trickling down to near zero before he’ll see her again and it makes excitement and nerves bloom in his stomach like the annual floral show at Brooklyn’s Botanical Gardens. The thing’s he’s said to her in writing, moments of bravery shared on paper, those are all quite rapidly approaching reality. He’ll soon be able to hold her in his arms, and finally have her in all the ways he’s dreamed of for so long. 

“When did you hear from her last?” 

“Hmm?”

“Jo. When did you last hear from her?”

“About two weeks ago. Said she was going upstate for a few days with Jean to visit with Brady’s girlfriend, Juliet.”

“Yea, Jean mentioned that in her last letter. I think it’s good for all of them, especially with Brady being stuck where he is…”

“They’re all just stuck there,” Rosie’s mind wandered back to those first three missions, all the esteemed pilots that had come before him, sitting out the war in a German POW camp while he was a hair’s breadth from home. “They’ve got to be going stir crazy.”

“At least they’re together, from what I’ve heard,” Croz pinched the bridge of his nose as he thought of his friends. “Brady writes to Juliet, who writes to Olive, who updates all of us.”

“Chain mail,” Rosie chuckled. “Val writes to Jo, who sends things from home in exchange for updates on how we’re both really doing.”

“I think it’s neat that they all talk, indirectly or otherwise.”

He was about to reply when the chair opposite him was suddenly occupied, a bright red smile turned on him and Harry. Valencia grinning at them, her usual French 75 in one hand, a cigarette between two fingers of the other. Settling her drink on the small table to her left, she leaned back in the chair, taking a slow drag of her cigarette. 

“Evening Val,” Harry offered a wave over to her. “You by yourself tonight?”

“Croz,” She returned his greeting before shifting her gaze to Rosie. “Rosie. Not alone, just waiting for Everett to get back. Wanted to say hi.”

“Well, you’re both welcome to join us.” Harry gestured to the empty chair next to Val. 

“Thank you, but I think we’re heading out in a bit,” Val focused back on Rosie before speaking again. “I got a letter, and lipstick, from Jo last week. She’s a real sweetheart Rosenthal. I hope you plan on marrying her once you’re back.”

Rosie couldn’t help laughing at Val’s serious expression; she was known around base as the feisty Red Cross girl, so to see her be so serious was actually quite funny to him. 

“I plan on it, Valencia, I promise.”

“Good; I owe her a letter. I know she mentioned taking a trip upstate with Jean to visit Benny’s girl, I want to hear all about that.”

“Thanks for being a friend to her, Val. I know she enjoys your letters, and I appreciate it. A lot.”

“No need to thank me,” Val stubbed out her cigarette in the ashtray next to her drink. “Us Brooklyn girls need to stick together. Jean too, Croz. I owe her a letter as well.” 

“I have a feeling the three of you are going to be thick as thieves once we all get home.” Harry chuckled. 

“We might be already.”

“Are you?”

“I can’t give away all our secrets, Croz.” She winked. 

Draining her drink, she stood, offering both men a wave as she caught up with Ev Blakely and the pair exited the Officers Club together. 

“We’re in trouble…” Harry sighed with a shake of his head, Rosie readily agreeing with him 

—--------------------------------------------------

“Thank you!”

Jo handed the cab driver a few bills, the man placing her suitcase on the sidewalk next to her feet before closing the trunk. He wordlessly got back in his car and pulled away from the curb, leaving her in front of her house. She picked up the suitcase, heels clicking rhythmically on the sidewalk as she ascended the front steps of the house. She made quick work of the front door, the air still carrying a bit of winter’s chill if the sun wasn’t out, and entered the house. She could hear the radio on in the living room, the sound of the nightly news report and her parents talking. 

“Hi! I’m back!”

“We’re in here dear!” Her mother called out to her. 

Leaving her suitcase by the door, Jo quickly shrugged out of her coat, leaving her hat and gloves on the credenza by the door, coat on the hook. The house was warm and sent a cozy shiver up her spine, a feeling of contentment after a day of travel seeping through her bones. Her father was in his chair next to the radio, her mother on the sofa with her needlepoint in her lap as they dutifully listened to news from the frontlines. 

“Josephine, welcome home!” Her father grinned, offering her a smile as she leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek. “How was upstate?”

“Oh it was so beautiful,” She took the seat next to her mother on the couch, greeting her the same way she did her father. “So much quieter than the city.”

“How was Juliet? Did she seem okay when you girls were there?”

“She seemed as okay as could be, considering where poor John Brady is.” 

“Poor thing, she must be worried sick.”

“She gets letters from him, though not as frequently as when he was in England. I think she takes comfort that he’s with so many of the men from his squadron and not alone.”

“Well, you and Jean did a nice thing going up there to spend her week off with her.” 

“It was a nice couple of days, and her parents were so welcoming.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Mrs. Harris gave her daughter's hand a gentle squeeze. “Are you hungry? There’s leftovers on the stove for you if you want.”

“Jean and I ate on the train, but I’ll cover it and put it away for you before I go up.”

“Oh, thank you honey. I left your mail on the vanity in your room.”

“Thank you mom,” Standing from the couch, Jo made a quick stop in the kitchen to put the leftovers away, before picking the suitcase up that she’d left by the door. “I’m going up, goodnight!”

“Goodnight Josephine,” Her father called back. “We’re glad you’re back safely.”

With a smile, she climbed the stairs to her bedroom, the exhaustion from the day catching up with her. Her smile widened as she thought of the possibility of a letter from Robbie waiting for her in her room, something to read while she curled up under the covers. She liked the idea of his words acting as a bedtime story, and often found herself reading over old letters of his before bed at night; the last thing on her mind every night were his bright blue eyes and the promises that they made to each other. 

Closing the door behind her, she dropped the suitcase to the floor- tomorrow’s problem- and quickly crossed the room to see what was waiting for her on the vanity. She made quick work of changing into her nightgown, resolving to wash her face after reading her mail. She picked up both envelopes, and sat back on the bed, tucking her feet underneath her as she got comfortable. She grinned at Valencia’s elaborate cursive on the front of the first envelope. Her pen pal from Thorpe Abbotts; Val was a Red Cross girl who had become a friend of Robbie’s, and most importantly, a fellow Brooklyn girl.  

“Miss Val, what have you got to tell me today…” Jo murmured under her breath with a grin. 

She could always count on the woman to give her the facts of how Robbie was faring over there, and if he was truly looking after himself. She loved the little stories she would share about nights in the Officers club, or the weekend pass she took with her sweetheart, Ev. Val would send photos along if she could snag them from their friend on base,Joe, who was the regimental photographer. It would give Jo a sense of security, to know he was doing fine, that he had friends there, and a routine. He’d told her that Val brought a taste of home to the base, and he couldn’t wait to introduce them when they all finally came home. 

Sliding her thumb under the seal of the envelope, she quickly pulled the paper from its safe keeping. Unfolding it, she sat down on the bed and began to read. 

Hello Chickie! 

It’s been quite a moment since I’ve gotten to write you, and I hope by now you’re back safely from your adventure with Jean to visit Brady’s sweet Juliet. I want to hear all about how Upstate was. I’ve never gotten up that way myself, I’m a city girl through and through, but if you enjoyed yourself then maybe we should all plan a visit up that way as a group once this war is over and we’ve made it back stateside. I’m pretty sure I could convince Everett to take any vacation after this war! 

I saw your Rosie this evening in the club. He and Croz looked deep in thought when I joined them. Though as of late they’re always deep in thought. I think with Rosie approaching the coveted twenty-five, they’ve allowed themselves a moment to think of the future. I do worry that Harry without Rosie will be difficult on poor Croz; he’s lost so much already with Bubbles being gone, and the rest of the fellas stuck in Germany. But, Rosie should not skip out on the opportunity to get back home. We’re all rooting for him, Jo, and know that he’ll be well on his way back to you sooner than you think. 

I’ll certainly miss him and his crew around base- they brought a new happiness after so many of our fellas went down and were captured. Pappy may fight Croz to be best man at your wedding whenever that happens. Soon I hope! 

Before I forget, thank you for sending along that lipstick! Victory Red is so hard to come by over here these days. The town in East Anglia doesn’t have too many options, and I’m lucky I can get a pair of pantyhose when I need them. Meatball played tug of war with poor Helen’s last good pair a few days ago. The phrase Bad Dog is not one I thought we’d be using so frequently during the war. But boy, does that dog love Rosie. I wouldn’t be surprised if he looks to get a dog for you both once he’s back. 

Looking forward to hearing from you soon, Jo, and hope all is well back home in our favorite borough. I look forward to taking a walk through Brooklyn with you soon, and having a cocktail at the Automat over lunch. Stay well, my friend, and keep that chin up! 

Your friend, 

Val

Jo read the letter over again, chuckling at the thought of Meatball being so attached to Robbie, but also being such a menace of a pup that he destroyed pantyhose thinking it was playtime. She knew his twenty-fifth mission was on the horizon, if not happening imminently, and she was both worried and excited. She’d seen articles in the paper about the Bombers that were being lost and destroyed over German airspace, and knew that Robbie was in the thick of it. It made her sick with worry every time she opened a newspaper or listened to the radio. She knew he was capable, lord did she know, because he was still there. Still in the fight. But until he was home with her, safe, in her arms, she would continue to worry with every passing day. 

Putting the letter back in its envelope, she placed it next to her on the bed before picking up the second piece of mail. It was addressed to her in a handwriting she didn’t recognize, with a US Army Air Force postal stamp over the upper right hand corner. Her stomach immediately dropped, knowing what came in these random envelopes. There was no one else on base who would write to her, at least she assumed so. With a deep breath, and a silent prayer, she slid her finger under the back flap of the envelope, as she did with the first, and carefully slid the paper from its confines. Cautiously, as if it might bite her, she unfolded the paper and began to read what she felt in her gut was bad news. 

Hi Josephine! 

I thought I should introduce myself first. It’s me, Pappy! I’ve heard a lot about you from Rosie and wanted to send along a message because I’m sure by now, you’ve heard the news. 

Tears immediately springing to her eyes, Jo heaved a deep breath, prepared to read the absolute worst. Her Robbie was hurt, or worse… and his co-pilot, bless him, wanted to be the one to break the news himself. 

Please, don’t be too cross with him. He’s only doing what he feels in his heart is right. Rosie’s a fighter through and through with a heart of gold. He sees people being persecuted, and feels this unyielding need to fight for them because they can’t fight for themselves. His words, not mine. He’s good with the words, that one, so I’m sure he’s explained it to you a lot better than I ever could. But, remember, he loves you. We all can see how much, and he’d want nothing more than to be home with you. And he will be, soon I’m sure of it. 

Looking forward to meeting you one day! He’s really talked you up, and I’m sure all of it is true! I think it’s really neat that you’re best friends with Crosby’s wife! He’s a nervous wreck, that guy, but at least he has Rosie, and Rosie has him now that the rest of us are headed home. May have to come down to fisticuffs for the spot of best man when you two tie the knot, though. 

Keep well, Jo. He’ll be back before you know it! 

All the best,

Pappy Lewis 

A letter from Pappy? And to ask her not to be cross? And what hadn’t she heard that apparently Robbie had already told her? She’d resolved to believe that he wasn’t injured, or worse, because Pappy wouldn’t have sounded so enthusiastic in his greeting, however she felt more lost than she had when Robbie had first shipped out. With nothing to go on, she stood from the bed, slipped on her robe and shoved her feet into her slippers, before grabbing both letters and racing down the stairs. 

“Josephine!” Her mother hollered as she flew into the living room, stopping only when she was next to the phone. “Slow down, what’s wrong?”

Before she could respond, her mother noticed the letters crushed into her hand, and the nervous expression on her face, coming to stand next to her. 

“Josephine… what happened?”

“I don’t know! I’ve never gotten mail from Robbie’s co-pilot Pappy, ever, and now he’s sending me a letter telling me not to be upset and Robbie’s only doing what he knows is right… I’m just confused!”

“So he’s not…”

“No, I don’t think so. Pappy said he’d be home before I know it but, it still doesn’t make any sense.”

Picking up the receiver, she dialed the familiar line until the operator connected her call. She waited for the telltale voice on the other end to announce she’d reached the Crosby Residence. For the only person who could talk her down at this hour. 

“Jean…” Her voice wavered, and she tried, oh how she tried to breath through the tears stinging the back of her eyes, the nerves swirling in the pit of her stomach, but the shaky sound of her own voice sounded from her end of the receiver making Jean Crosby think the worst. 

Her friend was at the Harris home in record time, the two women sitting up in the living room, late into the night. Long after Jo’s parents had retired to bed. The tea had gone cold, and the girls had read and reread Pappy’s letter half a dozen times before finally letting it drop to the coffee table. The paper was crumpled from being passed back and forth, and the envelope was nowhere to be found. 

“He’s… I think he’s gone and done something entirely stupid.” Jo breathed, standing from the couch to pull a bottle from the small bar in the corner. 

“If you start drinking now, we’ll never get to the bottom of this.” Jean scolded her softly. 

“What am I getting to the bottom of, though! Pappy didn’t say what he did, just, that I can’t be mad.”

“Which has made you mad.”

“Of course it has! Stupid boy. His mother raised a stupid, stupid boy!”

“Jo, honey; you don’t mean that.”

Sinking down onto the couch, Jo allowed herself for just a moment to think that maybe Jean was right. That maybe Robbie wasn’t a stupid boy, but someone who was just hellbent on always doing the right thing. 

“I don’t know what I mean…”

“I’m sure he’s written to explain it.”

“God, I hope so.”

“He wouldn’t not tell you something important,” Jean soothed, wrapping her friend up in a hug. “He loves you.”

For the first time, Jo let the sob that had been building in her chest out into the quiet of the room. The tears spilling forth as her friend tucked her ever so gently against her shoulder, doing the best she could to help her find comfort in what was still such an unknown situation. 

“Then why does it feel like he’s not coming home…” 

Mrs. Harris found her daughter, and Jean Crosby asleep on the couch when she came down the next morning. Head to foot, they had haphazardly thrown the blanket from the back of the couch over themselves, and fallen into what she imagined was a restless sleep for her daughter. She knew how it felt; when Josephine’s father had been away at war, Josephine only a little girl, she remembered waiting on letters and praying none of them harbored bad news. Now her daughter was doing the same and she prayed for her, and for the sweet boy from down the street who had stolen her heart and taken it to war with him. 

Setting upon making coffee, she left the pot on the stove to percolate before making her way into the living room to wake the two girls. 

“Josephine, dear…” Gently shaking her at the shoulder, she watched as her eyes tightened before fully opening to the light in the room. “Come on now, come have some coffee and a bite to eat.”

“M’not hungry.” She murmured, pressing her face deeper into the couch cushion. 

“You’re turning down coffee?”

“…no?”

“Good, now come on. You slept in your makeup and you’re all over my throw pillows.” 

As Jo moved to sit up, Mrs. Harris gave Jean a light shake, the other woman quickly roused from her light sleep. 

“Oh gosh… I fell asleep on your couch.”

“Don’t you dare apologize.” Mrs. Harris chided her as only a mother could. “Now come on, both of you. Coffee and some breakfast.”

It was a quiet morning at the table, Jo and Jean sat in near silence while Mrs. Harris tried to make small talk with her husband. Neither were ignorant to the fact that Jo was hurting and didn’t have any answers. Both remained grateful for Jean Crosby and the friendship she offered to Jo- the two had found each other in dark times and it was refreshing to see something so lovely in a time of war. 

A knock at the door had all four heads turning at the sound, confusion on their faces as Mr. Harris gestured for them to remain at the table, while he went to see who would be calling so early. Josephine perked up slightly at the sound of Mrs. Rosenthal’s voice floated through the hallway before she was joining them at the table. 

“Mrs. Rosenthal…”

“Sorry to call on you all so early, I wanted to make sure you were alright, dear.”

“You know, I’m not sure, because I don’t know what I’m supposed to be alright with.”

“You haven’t gotten his letter?”

As she was about to reply, her father entered the kitchen, envelope in hand and relief on his face as he handed it over to Josephine. She immediately recognized Rosie’s handwriting scrawled across the front. 

“Where did you find that!’

“It was caught under the rug in the entryway,” He sighed. “Must have gotten stuck when you came in last night.”

“Christ!” She cursed, tearing into the envelope with a ferocity that shocked her mother, and had Jean laughing from her spot next to her. 

Unfolding the paper, Rosie’s familiar writing met her eyes and she sighed with relief. Nerves and fear still swirled low in her stomach, but less so at having his letter in her hands. 

My sweetest Jo, 

I miss you terribly. I know that’s not much of a way to start a letter, but it’s the truth. I miss you more and more each passing day, honey, and long to be back with you. 

This is not an easy letter for me to write, so please, try and understand that I’m not doing this for the wrong reasons. I’ve completed my twenty fifth mission, and I’ve reached the required number of flights to be discharged. I know you’re reading this and wondering what’s so uneasy about all of this. The day that I completed my tour, The Brass raised the number of missions required to complete a tour from twenty five to thirty. We found all of this out, unfortunately, in the Officers Club during what would have been a really nice evening celebrating with the crew and other fellas. 

The crew and I, we’re not required to stay for an additional five, they considered us safe from the new numbers. But sweetheart, it’s so hard for me to watch my friends, and replacement men come in, and have to try and beat higher odds. There’s still a fight to be fought, and a war that’s persecuting people who cannot fight for themselves. How can I just sit by while fresh faced, green, pilots come in and attempt to fly by the seat of their pants. It wouldn’t be right, and it would prolong the fight. You know I don’t like bullies, never have and never will. 

I’ve reenlisted for another tour, and have been promoted to Major. I know, you’re mad. I know Ma will be mad as well, and I understand if you stay mad. But please, I promise I will fight to help end this war so that I can come home to you. I hope you can forgive me for prolonging the start of our life together, and see the reasons for what they are. I just…I want to save the people who cannot save themselves. 

I love you, so terribly, Jo, that every day I find that I love you more than the last. I’m simply existing here, until I can finally take you in my arms and call you mine. I will continue to count down the days, my sweetest girl, and I hope you are too. You’ve got my heart, always, Jo. And I promise to return home, with yours, safely, very soon. 

All of my love, and millions of hugs and kisses.

Robbie 

Jo heaved a deep, ragged breath, before placing the letter down on the kitchen table. She wordlessly slid the paper over to Jean, the other woman looking between Jo and the paper as if the words might have jumped off the page and slapped her into stunned silence. 

“He’s reenlisted.” Jo spoke, the words almost inaudible, her throat thick with what could only be described as sadness. 

The anger that Rosie predicted might come, was not there. Only sadness, that he held such a strong moral compass inside of him, that he couldn’t bear to see the job left unfinished. His need to be there for others, something she knew long before he had even enlisted, had outweighed his longing and desire to come home. To be with his family, to be with her, and make good on all of the promises that he made. 

“Josephine…” 

When she looked up, her mother was no longer sitting to her right, but it was Mrs. Rosenthal. Her parents and Jean had left the room, leaving her alone with the woman she considered as much a mother as her own. Her eyes bore the same sadness that she felt, and when she didn’t think she could stand it anymore, she collapsed against her in tears, and wept. She wept for his mother, his sister, herself, for Robbie, for all the people who continued to suffer and lose during this unforgiving war. For the men who felt such duty to their country that they would remain overseas long after their time had come to go home. For the mothers, sisters, wives and sweethearts who just longed for the missing piece in their life to come home. 

“He’s doing what he thinks is right, dearest.”

“Damn him for being so good.” She cried. The tears trailed hot down her cheeks. “He’s so good! And he’s so, so stupid!”

“I know, sweetheart,” Consoling the girl she already thought part of her family, Mrs. Rosenthal’s tears fell in sync with Jo’s. “I raised a boy I’m proud of, you should be too, but hell if he’s not thick headed sometimes.”

Pulling back, Jo quickly wiped at her eyes, the tears mixed with the previous day's mascara causing black streaks to decorate her face. Eyes bloodshot and nose fire engine red, she nodded furiously in agreement with Rosie’s mother. Of course she was immensely proud of him, he had gone to England and done amazing, brave things, to keep people safe. She’d be a fool not to be proud of him. But the pain of being so close to that dream they both shared, oh that pain ripped through her with the fury of a river wild. Uncontrollable and on a path all its own, with no actual destination and nothing to stop it. It just kept running its course. 

“You know him, Josephine. You know that once Robert gets something in his head, nothing can change his mind.”

“Stubborn…”

“He is very stubborn,” Mrs. Rosenthal chuckled, handing the girl next to her a tissue to clean up with. “But he also worships you, and wants to protect you. So, he continues to fight.”

“I miss him so much, ” She sucked in a ragged breath before continuing. “I can’t even begin to imagine how you feel.”

“I feel what a mother is supposed to feel. I worry, and I pray, and I repeat the process over again day after day.”

“Then we will worry, and pray for him together. I think if both of us do it, he’ll come back safely.”

“Yes, he will,” Rosie’s mother gave a smile that Jo knew was forced. She gave the same ones when people asked her about Rosie. “And you keep writing to him. Those letters, he looks forward to them more than mine.”

“That can’t be true…”

“A mother knows these things.” 

If what Rosie’s mother said was true, then she should have been able to formulate something, anything to write to him. But as she sat at the desk in her bedroom that night, no tears left to cry and the blank sheet of paper in front of her, she found that the words were not coming as easily as she had hoped. What was she supposed to say? What was he expecting her to say? Did he expect a response from her, or was he banking on her being angry with him? It seemed silly to her to be in a fight, of sorts, when she was here and he was all the way over there. With all her might, she put pen to paper and hoped that she could formulate her thoughts properly, and convey her feelings in a way that might make him understand that she wasn’t angry. Simply put, she was sad. 

My dearest Robbie, 

I must admit, I’m finding it very hard to write this letter. I’ve been trying to find the words to put down on paper all day, and now it’s bedtime and I can’t bring myself to find sleep just yet. It’s no secret that you’re always on my mind, my love, and today has been no exception. I was quite surprised to come home from upstate to a letter from Pappy. I think I was more surprised that his letter was asking me not to be too upset with you. I spent all of last night trying to figure out what it was that I was not supposed to be upset about. When your mother called over at breakfast today, I knew it had to be something serious. My father found your letter in the foyer, stuck under the carpet by the door. It has been, to say the very least, a very exhausting day. 

Robbie, I’ve known you for so long, yet it took your mother to remind me that once you set your mind to something, there is quite literally no talking you out of it. It’s one of the endearing qualities that I love so much about you. Your determination to always do the right thing, and a moral compass that always points in the right direction. Don’t think for one second that I’m not proud of you for completing your twenty fifth mission safely. Please know that I’m proud of you for reenlisting, though it may not be my favorite of your decisions. Maybe that’s selfish of me to say, though. But I think I can be proud and sad at the same time- never mad. How could I be mad at you for doing something you feel deep in your bones is the right thing? 

Please, tell me, will Pappy and the boys be staying with you? Have they decided to reenlist as well, or will they be going home? I must admit, you flying without Pappy by your side is such an odd idea to me. I don’t know that I will ever trust someone so entirely to be your right hand man in the sky. The Bald Eagle and the Legal Eagle- yes, I know of your nicknames for each other- are a pair, and should not be separated. As is the case for me and you, we are a pair that should not, and will not be separated. 

I promise you, I will be here waiting for you while you fight for those who cannot stand up and fight for themselves. I find sadness in that we must postpone the start of our future together, and continue to share this love on paper, with an ocean between us. I was looking forward to meeting you at Minton’s darling, and I know that absence makes the heart grow fonder, which can only mean that my heart is so very fond of you Robbie, and my love for you grows every single day. 

I love you so much, Robert Rosenthal. New York feels empty without you. I will be here waiting, counting the days until there are no more keeping us apart. 

Yours forever and always, with all of my love 

Jo 

—------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rosie was exiting the hut that served as the barber shop on base, the cool English air a welcome change as spring seemed to be settling in at Thorpe Abbotts. Rosie had been making it a point to spend time with each of the Riveter’s crew before they were sent home and today it was Bailey, the navigator keen on getting a haircut before the journey home. Around them, Officers and Enlisted Men passed them on their bikes, each one saluting the newly appointed Major as he walked by. 

“Jeez, you’re the top dog now.” Bailey’s thick Long Island accent broke the silence around them. 

“No, that would be Colonel Bennett,” Rosie rolled his eyes. “I’m just Rosie from Brooklyn who happens to know how to fly a plane.”

“Bullshit,” Bailey laughed, giving him a half hearted shove. “You’re Major Rosenthal now, and your new crew is going to fall at your feet.”

“I don’t want anyone falling at my feet.”

“Nash isn’t here to make the lewd comment so, you’re off the hook.” Bailey shook his head.

The indirect mention of Jo caused Rosie to tense up. He hadn’t heard back from her after sending his letter with what he could only describe as bad news for her. He wouldn’t blame her if she called this thing between them off, no matter how many times his crew tried to convince him she would do no such thing. 

“Still nothing back?”

“Not yet,” He sighed. “Can’t say I'd blame her either. I pretty much threw a wrench in our plans without so much as discussing it.”

“You did what you had to do. What you thought was right.”

“But did I?”

“You’re not second guessing yourself now, are you? It’s a bit too late for that, pal.’

“No, I know staying in the fight is the right thing to do, but isn't going home to her also the right thing to do?”

Bailey was silent a minute,  thoughts of his own wife back home surely moving to the forefront of his mind. Rosie had made it clear to each member of his crew that he didn’t expect them, nor would he blame them, if they took the out and went home after twenty five. They had all earned it as much as he had, and he wanted them to do what was best in their eyes. Pappy had waffled on it for a few days, until ultimately Rosie had decided for him that he should go home and be with his family. So now he would await a new crew, green Airmen who had yet to even see combat, and he prayed every day that he was enough to keep them alive. 

“You are doing the right thing, you know” Bailey spoke up again. “It might feel funny for a bit, but we’re all damn proud to have been on your crew. And we’re damn proud of you for seeing this through.”

“Since when are you the sentimental type?” Rosie turned to look at him, the shorter man trying to hide the emotion on his face. 

“Shut up and take the compliment, alright?”

“Alright, alright, I hear ya.”

“Good, now let's go. Almost chow time.” 

As they made their way to the Officers mess, Pappy was waiting outside the doors for them, a smug smile on his face, hands stuffed in his pockets as he rocked back and forth on his heels. 

“Why do you look like you just got done having the best time of your life?”

“I hate to agree with him, but you do look entirely too happy for someone about to eat whatever they’re serving for dinner.” Rosie chuckled.

“Oh, no reason,” Pappy smiled, nudging Rosie in the shoulder. “Just delivering the most coveted piece of mail since March to one, Major Rosenthal.” Pappy pulled the envelope from his pocket, and Rosie could hardly believe his eyes as Jo’s cursive adorned the front. 

“How long have you had that!” Rosie swiped it from him, immediately tearing into it. He couldn’t be bothered with privacy or waiting to read it when he was alone. 

“Helen dropped the mail off while you were getting a shave.” Pappy grinned. 

Nodding, Rosie let his eyes fall on the paper, the letter much longer than what he was expecting. He had been expecting a brief note to stop writing, or something along the lines of how much she hated him, and never wanted to see him again. But what he saw on the page was a declaration of love, of how proud she was of him, and one sentence that caused him to stand up straight and fix his co-pilot with the wildest of eyes. 

“Pappy… you didn’t…”

“Don’t worry, I introduced myself properly.” The co-pilot grinned. 

Bailey immediately burst out laughing, knowing just how worried Rosie had been about Jo’s response, and now knowing that the poor girl knew from Pappy before Rosie, he couldn’t contain his laughter as he watched Rosie pull at his normally immaculate curls, blue eyes wild with disbelief. Just as Rosie made to turn on him, they spotted Harry Crosby strolling up to them, his own envelope in his hand and a sour look on his face. 

“Croz?” 

“Jean is mad at me because I didn’t stop you.” 

While one navigator heaved a deep sigh, brows furrowed in confusion at his own wife, the other continued his raucous laughter, the sound echoing around them as they stood outside the mess hall. 

“I’m glad you two are going home. Pains in my neck.”

“Don’t say that, you’ll miss us and you know it!” Pappy chuckled, Bailey’s laughter seemingly contagious. 

“Oh sure, I’ll definitely miss this.” Rosie rolled his eyes, sharing a look with Crosby as they entered the hut, leaving the two laughing Riveter’s outside. After dinner, he’d spend a moment in his hut, and put paper to pen, and talk to his sweetheart. 

My Dearest Jo… 

Read part 7 HERE

A/N: Thanks for reading! This series will continue for Rosie & Jo, so if you enjoyed this, please like, comment, reblog- whichever is your poison. Feedback is always welcome & my ask box is always open. If you want to be added to my tag list, or removed, let me know! A big huge thank you to @hephaestn for the stunning new mood board.

Tag List: @rowdy-redhead @winniemaywebber @sagesolsticewrites @bobparkhurst @rosiesriveter @victoryrollsandredlips @bcolfanfic @major-mads @footprintsinthesxnd @roosevelt-stalin-cocacola @justheretoreadthxxs @claireelizabeth85 @hephaestn @ktredshoes @barrykeoghussy @peachessndreamss @hellfirequinnie @spinteresting @prettyinlimegreenboots @manonsmanicmind @precious-little-scoundrel @beingalive1

[catholic-character-tournament]

Catholic Character Tournament

Current Bracket

All polls here (tagged #cct polls)

Round 5 (16 nominees) is Wednesday July 5 12 PST

Character Submission List:

(Note, not in the order in the bracket. They were randomized for the bracket) (crossed out means dead-dead)

*707/Luciel Choi (Mystic Messenger)

*Abuela Alma Madrigal (Encanto)

*Akane Kurashiki (Zero Escape)

*Amon from (Tokyo Ghoul)

*Angel (Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel the Series)

*Asia Argento (High School DxD)

Aslan from (Chronicles of Narnia)

*Aymeric de Borel (Final Fantasy 14)

*Aziraphale (Good Omens) (Disqualified) The Volturi

*Belizabeth Brassica (Dimension 20's A Crown of Candy)

*Bishop Raphaniel Charlock (Dimension 20 - the Ravening War)

*Blake Langermann (Outlast 2)

*Brother Cellanus (The Completely Unerotic Adventures of Brother Cellanus)

*Caesar Zeppeli (Jojo's Bizarre Adventure)

*Carlos Reyes (911 Lone Star)

*Carrie White (Carrie)

*Catherine of Aragon (SIX: the Musical)

*CC (Code Geass)

*Chrollo Lucilfer (Hunter x Hunter)

*Chuck E. Cheese

*Claude Frollo(The Hunchback of Notre Dame)

*Crowley (Good Omens) (Disqualified) Vanessa Ives replacement (Penny Dreadful)

Dana Scully (the X files)

Doomguy  (Doom)

*Double (Skullgirls)

Doug Jones (The VelociPastor)

*Dracule Mihawk (One Piece)

*Duo Maxwell (Gundam Wing)

*Eddie Brock (Venom)

*Emilio Santoz from The Sparrow

Enrico Pucci (Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure)

*Farnese de Vandimion (Berserk)

*Father Alexander Anderson (Hellsing)

*Father Brown (Father Brown)

Father John Mulcahy (MASH)

Father Paul (Midnight Mass)

*Felicia Hardy/Black Cat (Spiderman)

Firestar (Warrior Cats)

*Flayn (Fire Emblem Three Houses)

*Frank Castle (Marvel)

Friar Tuck (Robin Hood)

*Gabriel (Ultrakill)

*Galahad (The Mechanisms)

*Gerard (Unholyverse)

Gloria Maria Ramirez Delgado-Pritchett (Modern Family)

Harrowhark Nonagesimus (The Locked Tomb)

*Helena Bertinlli (DC comics)

Hell boy (HellBoy)

Homura Akemi (Madoka Magica)

*Hot Pants (Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure)

*Ibara Shiozaki (My Hero Academia)

*Inori Yamabuki/Cure Pine (Fresh Precure)

Jason Todd (DC Comics)

*Javert (Les Miserables)

Jean Valjean (Les Misérables)

*Jeanne d'Arc (Alter) (Fate/Grand Order)

*Jesus (Jesus Christ Superstar) 

*John "Soap" MacTavish (Call of Duty)

*John Gaius (The Locked Tomb)

*John Ward (FAITH)

*Johnathan (Shin Megami Tensei IV)

*Junk Rat (Overwatch)

*Justin Law (Soul eater)

*Kawabuchi Sentarou (Kids on the Slope)

Kaworu Nagisa (Neon Genesis Evangelion)

*Kirei Kotomine (Fate franchise)

Knuckes the Echidna (Sonic)

*Kristen Applebees (Dimension 20's Fantasy High)

*Kuroe (Magia Record)

Kurt Wagner/Nightcrawler (X-Men)

*Ky Kiske (Guilty Gear)

*Kyoko Sakura (Puella Magi Madoka Magica)

*Lady Rhea (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)

*Leliana (Dragon Age)

*Leon (8:11)

*Lestat de Lioncourt (The Vampire Chronicles)

*Libra (Fire Emblem: Awakening)

*Link (The Legend of Zelda)

*Louis de Pointe du Lac (Interview with the Vampire/The Vampire Chronicles)

*Luis Serra Navarro (Resident Evil)

Mac McDonald (It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia)

Maddie Fitzpatrick (Suite Life of Zack and Cody)

*Marcy Park (The 25th Annual Putnam County Spelling Bee)

*Mark Heathcliff (The Mandela Catalogue)

Matt Murdock/Daredevil (Marvel)

*Mello (Death Note)

*Mercedes (Fire Emblem: Three Houses)

*Michael Carpenter (Dresden Files)

*Michael Corleone (The Godfather)

Miles Morales/Spider-Man

*Nate Ford (Leverage)

Nicholas D. Wolfwood (Trigun)

*Nico di Angelo (Percy Jackson)

*Ocean O'Connell Rosenberg (Ride the Cyclone)

*Pastry Cookie (Cookie Run Kingdom)

*Patton Sanders (Sanders Sides (Web Series))

Pope Pinion IV (Cars)

Puss in Boots (Shrek)

Quasimodo (The Hunchback of Notre Dame)

Remy LeBeau/Gambit (X-Men)

*Rin Okumura (Blue Exorcist)

*RoboCop (RoboCop)

Ronan Lynch (The Raven Cycle)

*Ryker (Roleslaying With Roman)

*Saint Citrina Rocks (Dimension 20's A Crown of Candy)

*Sasuke (Naruto)

*SCP-166 (Just a Teenage Gaia) 

*Seeley Booth (Bones)

Shadow the Hedgehog (Sonic)

*Shiro Fujimoto (Blue Exorcist)

Simon Belmont (Castlevania)

*Sir Keradin Deeproot (Dimension 20's A Crown of Candy)

*Sister Mary (The Young Pope)

Sister Michael (Derry Girls)

*Steve Rogers/Captain America (Marvel)

*Tammy Edwards (Legoland by Jacob Richmond) 

*Tatsumi Kazehaya (Ensemble Stars)

*Temenos Mistral (Octopath Traveler 2)

The Derry Girls (Derry Girls)

*The Penitent One (Blasphemous)

*Tobias Schneien (Ghost Eyes)

*Valeria Garaz (Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 reboot)

*Valery Michailov (Goncharov - 1973)

*Vector the Crocodile (Sonic the Hedgehog)

*Vito Corleone (The Godfather)

*Wesley Hailoh (Rhyme and Reason)

*William Murdoch (Murdoch Mysteries)

*Zakuro Fujiwara (Tokyo Mew Mew)

[hadesisqueer]

Very much probably tomorrow (if not, the next day) I'll start with the Best RWBY Ship Poll. It will include 32 ships (monogamous or poly, no incest) that I've selected, and it will have the same system as the Hottest RWBY Character Poll.

Ships included:

1) Renora (Lie Ren x Nora Valkyrie)

2) Arkos (Jaune Arc x Pyrrha Nikos)

3) Nuts and Dolts (Penny Polendina x Ruby Rose)

4) Bumbleby (Yang Xiao Long x Blake Belladonna)

5) Whiterose (Ruby Rose x Weiss Schnee)

6) JNPR Berries (Poly team JNPR)

7) Frosen Steel (Weiss Schnee x Ruby Rose x Penny Polendina)

8) Qrowin (Qrow Branwen x Winter Schnee)

9) Blacksun (Blake Belladonna x Sun Wukong)

10) Seamonkeys (Sun Wukong x Neptune Vasilias)

11) Bees Schness (Yang Xiao Long x Blake Belladonna x Weiss Schnee)

12) Poly STR (Raven Branwen x Taiyang Xiao Long x Summer Rose)

13) Martial Arcs (Lie Ren x Jaune Arc)

14) Sunny Bees (Yang Xiao Long x Blake Belladonna x Sun Wukong)

15) Schneekos (Weiss Schnee x Pyrrha Nikos)

16) Crosshares (Velvet Scarlatina x Coco Adel)

17) Hellbore (Winter Schnee x May Marigold)

18) Tauradonna (Blake Belladonna x Adam Taurus) (ew)

19) Cinwin (Winter Schnee x Cinder Fall)

20) Rosebird (Raven Branwen x Summer Rose)

21) Fair Game (Clover Ebi x Qrow Branwen)

22) Ladybug (Ruby Rose x Blake Belladonna)

23) Monochrome (Blake Belladonna x Weiss Schnee)

24) Freezerburn (Weiss Schnee x Yang Xiao Long)

25) Spicecream (Neopolitan x Cinder Fall)

26) Gemstones (Emerald Sustrai x Ruby Rose)

27) Emercury (Mercury Black x Emerald Sustrai)

28) Catmaleon (Ilia Amitola x Blake Belladonna)

29) Guard Dogs (Jaune Arc x Marrow Amin)

30) Schneewood Forest (Robyn Hill x Winter Schnee)

31) Arcotta (Saphron Cotta-Arc x Terra Cotta-Arc)

32) Prismatic Ponytails (Ilia Amitola x Weiss Schnee)

I know there are many (too many) more ships but I've selected these 32 that are mostly popular or well-known so. Have fun when it starts!

[rpghorrortp]

RPG HORROR O.T.P. BRACKETS

a silly contest to find out the most popular ship from games generally seen as falling under the 'rpg horror' umbrella. CONTESTANTS | ROUND 1 - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

SameWada (Wadanohara and the Great Blue Sea) : Samekichi x Wadanohara SugaShio (Forest of Drizzling Rain) : Suga Koutarou x Shiori Kanzaki Sunflower (OMORI) : Sunny x Basil Yosafroze (The Grey Garden) : Yosafire x Froze

JoeSara (Your Turn To Die) : Sara Chidouin x Joe Tazuna Brian × Kate (Yuppie Psycho) : Kate Hicks x Brian Pasternack

NoelClaire (Witch's Heart) : Noel Levine x Claire Elford Aya × Dio (Mad Father) : Aya x Dio

SeiRin (Mermaid Swamp) : Seitaro Wakasugi x Rin Yamazaki Batterie (OFF) : Batter x Zacharie

Aki × Misao (Misao) : Aki x Misao AyuShiki (Corpse Party) : Ayumi Shinozaki x Yoshiki Kishinuma

GoyApe (SHTDN) : Goyou x Agape KanAtou (Cell of Empireo) : Aogu Kanou x Haruki Atou

Elevatorstuck (Elevator Hitch) : Protagonist x Coworker BlakeWorth (Vincent : The Secret Of Myers) : Vincent Edgeworth x Victor Blake

[whateverthese2havetournament]

2024 Roster Announcement

Alright, let's get this show on the road.

You all gave me plenty to work with, and though time has passed, I haven't forgotten. I have utilized what I believe to be an unbiased system of sorting relevant entries to the top, and I have a list of 32 and 16 for both the "Men's Division" and "Women's Division".

The Men's Division, in no particular order:

Archie and Maxie, Pokemon

Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck, Looney Tunes

Professor Pierre Aronnax and Captain Nemo, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea

Sicard and Emmanilain, Final Fantasy XIV

Alber Wesker and Chris Redfield, Resident Evil

Derek Morgan and Spencer Reid, Criminal Minds

Suguru Geto and Satorou Gojo, Jujutsu Kaisen

Luffy and Zoro, One Piece

Kotetsu T. "Wild Tiger" Kaburagi and Barnaby "Bunny" Brooks Jr., Tiger and Bunny

Yoichi & Kudou, My Hero Academia

Elim Garak and Julian Bashir, Star Trek

Dale Cooper and Harry S. Truman, Twin Peaks

Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha

Composer and Orpheus, Identity V

Eddie Brock and his Symbiote, Venom

Cheng Xiaoshi and Lu Guang, Link Click

Keith and Lance, Voltron

Optimus Prime and Megatron, Transformers

Newt Geiszler and Hermann Gottleib, Pacific Rim

Kim Dokja & Yoo Joonghyuk, Omniscient Reader

Sam and Max

Officer Bailey and That Other Guard, Ghost Trick

Steven Stone and Wallace, Pokemon

Medic and Heavy, Team Fortress 2

Basil and Sunny, OMORI

Ike and Soren, Fire Emblem Path of Radiance

Professor X and Magneto, X-Men

Mercutio and Benvolio, Shakespeare

Stanley and the Narrator, The Stanley Parable

Junkrat and Roadhog, Overwatch

Merlin and Arthur, Merlin

Jessie and James, Pokemon

And the Women's

Madoka Kaname and Akemi Homura, Madoka Magica

Azula, Mai and Ty Lee, Avatar: The Last Airbender

Alice 'Daisy' Tonner and Basira Hussain, The Magnus Archives

Sable Ward and Mikaela Reid, Dead by Daylight

Mina Harker née Murray and Lucy Westenra, Dracula

Xena and Gabrielle, Xena: Warrior Princess

Falin Touden and Marcille Donato, Delicious in Dungeon

Emma Swan and Regina Mills, Once Upon a Time

Ruby Rose and Penny Polendina, RWBY

Milly Thompson and Meryl Stryfe, Trigun

Daphne Blake and Velma Dinkley, Scooby Doo

Vriska Serket and Terezi Pyrope, Homestuck

Kimura Seiko and Andoh Ruruka, Danganronpa 3

Lucia and Elincia, Fire Emblem Path of Radiance

Yuri and Natuski, Doki Doki Literature Club

Lyn and Florina, Fire Emblem the Blazing Blade

Wowie, what an all-star cast! Videogames, comics, movies, anime, cartoons, classic literature, and more.

So, I'm going to aim to get the ball rolling, let's say October 14th. I'll start with Men's Round 1, then the following week do Women's Round 1, and so on. I will post the actual brackets a bit closer to that date.

In the meantime! If anyone would like to submit any propaganda, images, complaints, objections, or what have you, the ask box will remain open. I know last time had a pretty rocky start, but I am wise for the experience, and I think this time 'round will be even better.

[nekoma-not-lee]

TickleTober 2024 Masterlist

Here’s a new masterlist! And yes, once again I will be adding my self insert into a few of them bc I can’t resist. Also these are spoiler-free until you click the links that will be added eventually. On fandoms I’ve gotten through so far, there will be spoilers, but I will usually mark them as spoilers when I finish them and know for sure. So be careful to avoid spoilers (unless you don’t care)!

1. Anticipation

Honkai: Star Rail - ler!Caelus, lee!Dan Heng

Caelus was in a lee mood and was giving hints about it to Dan Heng. When Dan Heng finally get’s fed up, Caelus is surprised to find he won’t get what he wants so easily.

2. Chase

Genshin Impact - ler!Kinich, lee!Neko

After Neko finally got Kinich to join their party, they were in high spirits. But then they remembered the rules…and bolted. How will this game of chase end, I wonder?

3. Prank

Hunter x Hunter - ler!Gon, lee!Killua

Killua pranks Gon, chaos ensues!

4. Hide and Seek

Assassination Classroom - ler!Karma, lee!Nagisa

Nagisa wanted to see if he could beat Karma in a game of hide and seek. Let’s just say…he definitely lost.

5. Boo!

Ogus’s Laws - ler!Su Yuan, lee!Fu Yu

Su Yuan tried to scare Fu Yu by tasing his sides. Let’s just say that more than just a loud shriek left his mouth after that.

6. Cuddles

Vengeful Weapon, Tears of Poison - ler!Amelia, lee!Noam

Amelia and Noam are cuddling and then when Amelia’s hand brushes Noam’s side by accident, she finds out something new about him.

7. Fidget

Blue Exorcist - ler!Yukio, lee!Rin

Rin won’t sit still, so Yukio tickles him to expel his energy.

8. Nuzzles

Delicious in Dungeon - ler!Marcille, lee!Falin

This one is based on an image I found! Falin has a soft and warm tummy with feathers, so of course Marcille can’t help but bury her face in it.

9. Wake Up!

The Beastly Count After Dark - ler!Violetta, lee!Theobald

Theobald is refusing to wake up, so Violetta has resorted to…“drastic measures”.

10. Spidering

Your Turn To Die - ler!Sara, lee!Ranmaru

Ranmaru wasn’t paying attention to what Sara was telling him, something about Joe and Ryoko. So Sara tickles him to get his attention.

11. Hug

Genshin Impact - ler!Neko, lee!Ei

Neko is happy that Ei finally came home to join their team, but remembers the rules mid-hug and chaos ensues.

12. Mischief

Genshin Impact - ler!Aether, lee!Kinich

Aether finds out Kinich is ticklish, chaos ensues.

13. Win

This World Is Mine - ler!Charlize, lee!Wooyeon

As Charlize’s reward for winning a bet with Wooyeon, she tickles her.

14. Lose

Maria the Telepathic Animal Healer - ler!Maria, lee!Eins (minor ler!Glick)

Eins (surprisingly) started a tickle fight with Maria, and let’s just say he’s definitely lost this fight.

15. “Are You Ticklish?”

Demon Slayer - ler!Tanjiro, lee!Muichiro

Tanjiro get’s curious if Muichiro’s ticklish, and when he finds out the answer, let’s just say he’s more than pleased.

16. Cackle

Your Turn To Die - ler!Keiji, lee!Sou

Keiji finds out Sou’s ticklish, and let’s just say Sou’s laughter is absolutely adorable.

17. Raspberries

The Little Princess and Her Monster Prince - ler!Anthea, lee!Blake

Anthea wanted to cheer Blake up since he was sad, so wholesome tickles ensue.

18. Tickle Fight

I Woke Up As a Notorious Troublemaker! - switch!Christina, switch!Rufus

Siblings normally have tickle fights, right? So it made sense for these two, who weren’t fully related, to have one…right?

19. Secret

Obey the Flower - ler!Floria, lee!Cartel

Floria finds out Cartel is secretly ticklish and exploits this “weakness”.

20. Tease

Genshin Impact - ler!Neko, lee!Kaveh

Neko got a little angy that Kaveh refused to join their team. Come on! Their fashion sense is amazing! So they decided to wreck Kaveh…but not like he’s used to it from Alhaitham.

21. Costume

Omori - ler!Mari, lee!Sunny

Mari finds Sunny’s costume adorable, and can’t help but tickle the little guy!

22. Role Reversal

Witch’s Heart - switch!Ashe, switch!Noel

Ashe started it, and let’s just say Noel more than finished it.

23. Sweet

Genshin Impact - ler!Kaveh, lee!Alhaitham

Alhaitham keeps eating all the sweets, and Kaveh is less than pleased.

24. Joke

Genshin Impact - ler!Aether, lee!Lyney

Lyney tells a joke to Aether, Aether has one up his sleeve as well.

25. New Discovery

Baldur’s Gate 3 - ler!Shadowheart, lee!Draconis

Shadowheart didn’t know their partner was ticklish…or that Dragonborn could be ticklish like other races, so she clearly had to thoroughly explore this discovery.

26. Ticklish Kiss

Watch Out for the Dream Demon - ler!Yi Kui, lee!Lin You

Yi Kui tries to give Lin You a kiss on the neck, and finds out he’s super ticklish. He never knew humans could be so sensitive.

27. Non-Human Parts

Voltron- ler!Keith, lee!Neko

As soon as Keith discovered Neko was part Galra, he’d always wondered how their galran ears would feel. Today he found out, and let’s just say those fluffy kitty ears were more than just sensitive.

28. Spooked

Duchess’s Lo-Fi Coffeehouse - ler!Loanna, lee!Hartwin

Loanna accidentally scared Hartwin when going to his napping spot. So to calm him down, she tickles him!

29. Magic

Cultivator x Contract Spirit - ler!Tong Xi, lee!Zhi Yi

Tong Xi thinks he accidentally hurt Zhi Yi with one of his electricity attacks, but found out it just tickled…and of course he exploits it.

30. Trick-or-Treat

Your Turn To Die - ler!Kugie, ler!Kanna, lee!Sou

Sou is not pleased in being dragged along for trick-or-treating, Kanna and Kugie change his mind.

31. Aftercare

Your Turn To Die - ler!Reko, lee!Nao

Reko wrecks Nao pretty good, but now we get to see the lesbians cuddle afterwards.

[twstedpometea]

Ugigiugi and Tracing: Part3

Welp. Here we are again folks. And we have discovered quite a bit! After going through a number of things and checking in with others I have another set of sources to share as more proof of Ugigiugi's tracing. First and foremost: I do thank the people who messaged me with images, their concerns, and the leads. Now onto the evidence. As always, I’ll be doing side by side comparisons with links to the original art that Ugigiugi traced. Please keep in mind that these images are no longer visible on Ugi’s DA (either because they have been deleted or placed in storage) These were sent in by people who wished to remain anonymous. Top Image: RWBellydance series Blake Belladonna by The-Stray-Liger https://the-stray-liger.tumblr.com/post/161878665046/to-end-the-day-on-a-nice-note-i-redrew-blakey-from

Bottom image: Leona x Prefect by (PAN粉) on Pixiv: https://www.pixiv.net/en/artworks/84154556

Here are more examples and I have a bit to say about them... Top art: Anni Chan by dCTb on DeviantArt at https://www.deviantart.com/dctb/art/Annie-Chan-579680748

Bottom art: Sunnie by dCTb on DeviantAri at https://www.deviantart.com/dctb/art/Sunnie-723622369 I’d like to talk about these images in a particular because they add to the many concerns some Twisted Wonderland artists had about Ugigiugi. According to the messenger who shared the second art images, they noticed that Ugigiugi has copied from someone she watched on DeviantArt. I decided to verify this with a DA friend and they did confirm that Ugigiugi was watching/is still currently watching dCTb on DeviantArt. The examples of dCTb's art are still on their DevianttArt page but I'm unaware if they've been informed about the art theft when Ugigiugi’s art was not deleted/hidden away. As of this time none of these images made by Ugigiugi’s are up her DA page (Again unsure if they are deleted or stashed) As per DeviantArt policies, it would be up to the affected artist to file a claim with DA if they want investigation done. Frustrating as this may be, no one else can do it for them so I please ask that no one take the initiative to file a complaint in dCTb's place. I also checked out the rest of their social media websites to see if anything else stood out and needless to say I found quite a bit. And frankly I was appalled.

(I will be linking dCTb/ ctchrysler’s social media links I have found these following samples on their Instagram/Twitter.) https://www.instagram.com/ctchrysler/ https://twitter.com/ctchrysler_

The amount Ugi has copied/traced from this one artist alone is honestly disgusting. This isn’t even an artist that provides anything like bases or resources. Ugigiugi was tracing from their OC Anni. This is alarming because now calls into question the motivation behind every follow or interaction Ugigiugi has ever had with another artist and casts further doubt on her diminishing integrity. It even hurts herself as an artist. How can you possibly improve your own art skills when you're wholesale lifting "poses" you like from all over the place? This causes her art to be inconsistent in anatomy, style, and overall skill level. Her art ultimately comes out looking sloppy because she has taken bits from multiple sources and created hodgepodges of poorly rendered art. And all while refusing to source anyone or even acknowledge her bad behavior. And it is bad behavior. We are all continuing to uncover so much the longer we look. We have the right to be concerned about just how much she has traced/copied from other artists. Ugigiugi is a serial art tracer and has never shown any signs guilt or remorse. She has shown that she will steal from EVERYONE AND EVERYWHERE WITH ZERO REGARD FOR RULES, BOUNDARIES, OR BASIC MANNERS. Frankly, the only regret she likely feels is that she's been caught and called out. And I, and many others, do not feel sorry for her. She’s an adult. She should know better then to steal from others. Especially if they have clear rules about their artwork being copied. There are plenty of resources, tutorials and other means to learn, study and create art without stealing from others. If anyone is still on the fence or wants to argue otherwise about these art pieces or defend Ugigiugi, I would like to redirect you my post on Tracing, Copying and Referencing Because I have talked about the differences and shown more proof. Finally, I will reiterate while I am critical of Ugigiugi's actions and behavior, please do NOT harass her or her followers under ANY circumstance. If you want to put your energy to better use, please go and support the original artists instead. If all else fails, you're welcome to block people and move on. Please do not instigate a fight or get sucked into any petty arguments. These posts are purely archival and not to be used to attack Ugi or any of her supporters. -TwstedPomeTea

[the-bitterest-breakups-poll]

Bracket!

Its done! 64 competitors on this.

its so small I will put the mashups under the cut, but know that the first 8 polls, Round 1 A will release on Sunday, August 20th, 3pm EST, and will last 1 week.

If anyone has ANY specific photos they want me to use for anyone here, please send them to me. (Also if you see anyone on this list you like, feel free to send n more propaganda for them because I may put it in their poll and some people here don't have any lol)

Round 1 A

Edgar and Fay from Dolls of New Albion vs Obi Wan Kenobi and Anakin Skywalker from star wars

Catra and Adora from She ra vs The doctor and the Master from Doctor who

Jekyll and Lanyon from The glass scientist vs Chell and Wheatley from Portal

Colm Doherty and Pádraic Súilleabháin from Banshees of Inisherin vs Chalres Xavier and Erik Lehnsherr from x -men

Jesus and Judas from Jesus Christ Superstar vs Rogue and Gambit from x- men

Grace and Simon from Infinity train vs kim Wexler and Jimmy from Better call Saul

Evellyn, Luel, and Sahar from Luna Story picross/coloring book apps vs Andreth and Aegnor from Silmarillion!

Anna and Hans from Frozen vs Kirk and SPock from Star trek

Round 1b

Ruth and Debbie from GLOW vs Agent Curt and Owen Carvour from Spies are forever

aziraphale & crowley from good omens vs Nastya and Aurora from Mechanism

John Doe and Arthur Lester from Malevolent vs Kotetsu and Barnaby from tiger and Bunny

Fitz and the fool from Realm of the Elderlings vs HeathCliff and cathy from Wuthering Heights

Akeelah and Dr.Larabee from akeelah and the bee vs Arthur and Guinevere from Arthurianna.

Peery the platypus and Dr. Heniz Doofenshmirtiz from phineas and Ferb vs Skull and vintage from Spatoon

Hil and Tavek from Girl Genius vs Vrisrezi from Homestuck

Harry Du bois and Dora Ingerlund from Disco Elysium vs Blake Belladonna and Yang Xiao-Long from RWBY

Round 1c

Jackieshannua from Yellow Jackets vs Addek from Greys Anatomy

Eddie and Shannon from 9-1-1 vs Mercymorn the First/Augustine the First/Emperor John Gaius from The locked tomb seris

Junpei and Skane from Zero escape vs Lea & Isa / Axel & Saïx from Kingdom hearts

Scooge MC'Duck and Goldie I'Gill Ducktails (2017) vsCavendish and Dakota from Milo Murphy's law

Rebecca Bunch and Josh Chen from Crazy ex-girlfriend vs Sophia and fitz from keeper of lost cities

Cherry and Adam from sk8 vs Dazi Osamu and Nakahara chuuya from Bungo Stray dog

 Shen Qingqiu & Yue Qingyuan from Scum Villain’s Self-Saving System vs Igor Grom and Sergey razumovski from Major Grom: Plague Doctor 

Jack harness and John Hart from Torchwood vs Yuma Tsukumo and Vector/Rei Shingetru from Yu-Gi-Oh! Zexal

Round 1d

Powl and Mesothulas (trantulas) from transformers vs Jason Mcconnel and Peter simmonds from Bare: A pop Opera

Cappie and Even from Greek (2007) vs Junnana from Revue Starlight

The band Amatelast from Show By Rock! vs Mac Macdonald and Dennis Reynolds from Its always sunny in Philadelphia

Mulder and scully from x-files vsRosho and Sasara from Hypnosis Microphone!

Yoo Junghyuk and Anna Croft from omniscient reader vs Archie and maxie from Pokemon

sherlock and Watson from Blackeyed Theatre's Valley of Fear vs Anna, Sasha, and Marcy from Amphibia

The two boys from Bokura from Bokura vs Rom and Tammy from Parks and recs

[noforkingclue]

So this is my second Slow Horses oc for my River x OC x Spider fic!

Name: Rebecca Blake

Age: 30

Gender: female

Height: 5’5

Appearance: red hair which is in a pixie cut. She has hazel eyes and a slight build. She has tanned skin due to spending a lot of time outside in her parents garden

Personality: generally a sunny and optimistic person. She tries to look on the bright side of things however she is aware that the organisation she works for is a bit… morally grey to say the least.

Likes: gardening, spending time with Spider and River (but not necessarily at the same time due to them not getting on),

Dislikes: her friends arguing, getting dragged into office politics, the rain, being treated like an idiot/ naive

Rebecca joined the Service at the same time as River and Spider and despite not training as a field agent the three became close. When River became persona non grata at The Park they drifted apart.

However, old friendships always find a way of returning and old feelings are never lying too far under the surface

Slow Horses thirsting partner: @cillmequick

[callmewrinkles3]

That’s when - DR3 x Fem!OC

Masterlist

Summary:  First part here. It’s been eight weeks since Em left Australia, six weeks since she got on her train to Liverpool. But when her closest friends pool their resources to locate her she finds herself back where everything started, just four years later.

Word Count: 11.7k

Warnings: mentions of pet death (not Em or Dans!), emotionally/mentally abusive families, angst, mentions of potential cheating, Zak Brown (he counts), mentions of fatal crashes.

A/N: It’s heeeere! Thank you so much for the wonderful reception this fic has gotten, and we hope part two is everything you’ve been waiting for. This most definitely isn’t the end of Dan and Em’s story, we’ve so much more to write about.

May 2022

--

The worst pain that Emma thought she’d ever felt in her life was when she was six years old. She was barefoot on freshly cleaned floors, running around her parents house playing an imaginary game when she slipped and fell right into the doorframe. She remembered her yells for her parents, her baby toe pointing out to the side and turning purple almost before her very eyes. The joint still ached if the weather changed quickly.

Not even the lack of sympathy from her dad had hurt more than the pain when he found her sobbing on the floor of the hallway. Not the doctor at Alder Hey giving her an injection into the aching joint that didn’t fully numb her before yanking it into place. Nothing in her life had ever hurt as much as right then, and she didn’t think anything ever could.

At least, not until she’d left London for good and arrived back in Liverpool.

She’d built up a routine in the five and a half weeks since she’d gotten on the train. The traditional grey British skies helped too. There hadn’t been a single day of sun since she’d arrived, the weather echoing her mindset as she stared out her bedroom window to the housing estate. It was miserable and cold and near constant rain. It matched her mood, no respite from the constant exhaustion and nausea she’d been dealing with since she arrived making her not want to eat anything. She could hear Michael in the back of her head, telling her to just eat a bloody protein bar when she was stressed and had forgotten to eat. But Michael probably hated her. He’d said in his texts that he wanted to find her once, and she’d read them and stared at the screen. She’d nearly written back, not realising he was online and watched as he asked her for details but she ignored it. He couldn’t have meant it. She was the one who left them.

The rain also helped when she followed her routine to go get her coffee at 11.25 - after the boxing classes she went to but hated because the instructors weren’t Michael, but before she started job hunting - because it meant she could keep her coat on. She didn’t have to see the delicate number 3 tattooed on her wrist. That was a blessing. She kept the same routine every day, the only variations if she needed to stop somewhere or do something. There was a day she had to go to the job centre, the day she thought she needed the chemist but it turned out she didn’t need to. It was easier this way.

Em felt like Bella in New Moon, time passing by her rather than her moving with it. The grey skies and constant routine didn’t really help in that regard if she was honest. Everything felt like she was going in slow motion. Without the sun she could keep her mind focused, keep herself away from the memories that were so happy they made her want to sob. Michael forcing her to stand and stretch and go for a walk through the paddock because she’d been head down working in the one awkward position all day. Blake pulling her tablet away from her when they were on the deck at the farm during lockdown and she was making a colour coded calendar of sponsor videos that needed to be filmed and published. But more than that it reminded her of Daniel.

Sunny days made her think of his wide grin and the dimples that had captivated her from the very first night they met. The way he laughed when she made a stupid joke that yeah, the sun stopped the earth from freezing but his smile did the same to her heart. It made her think of summer Christmas in Perth, barbecues and no turkey in sight as she chased the kids around the garden before getting pulled into a paddling pool. Of the sun ring she’d given him. Of her matching moon one that she’d left behind and how much she missed it.

Sunny days reminded her of Daniel, but more than that they reminded her of everything that she’d given up and how maybe she’d gotten things so incredibly wrong. That she’d lost her Australian family. She’d given up her brothers and her sister and her nibbling and the parental figures who cared about her. Grace kept asking to FaceTime and Em sent one word responses back, unable to ignore her. She could pretend to ignore everyone else, but never Grace. Those sunny days meant her family and now she was alone and she was dreading summer.

Her parents weren’t helping either. As soon as she got on the train she knew that Liverpool was the wrong place for her to go to sweep up her heart. Staying with her parents was so definitely wrong, and she shouldn’t have been surprised by how badly it was going. Instead of asking how she was, if she needed anything, even if she was ok, all they wanted to know about was the rumours. About if she was sleeping with Michael, Blake, and Dan. If the photo of Lance hugging her from when he made his pole in 2020 was another “man she’d slept with”. Because, of course, none of them would like her for who she was. It had to be something else.

She was at the kitchen table for breakfast when she finally responded, siting there nibbling on a piece of buttered toast with a cup of badly made tea.

“You need to tell us if there’s going to be a scandal, Emma. We need to be prepared. Were you sleeping with them?” Her mother asked as the cramps low in her abdomen made Em want to get sick from fear and anger and loss.

“Blake and Michael were like my brothers. Daniel was my best friend. They couldn’t keep me employed any longer and we decided a break from our friendship would be good for a while. That’s it.”

She couldn’t go into the details of what had happened or it would all blow up in her face and that was the last thing she wanted. She couldn’t tell them that she was in love and now was utterly heartbroken. If she went into the details of how heartbroken she was Em would break right then and there. The last thing she needed was for her parents to judge her on the baseless rumours. If she cried in front of them she’d never hear the end of it, and she couldn’t admit that she’d lost the best friends she’d ever have and the man who was the love of her life. That she’d be followed around by Dan’s face every time she moved because it was Daniel Ricciardo.

That was why Em spent so much time in her childhood bedroom. It was the only place in the house that didn’t scream reminders of the life she’d left behind, that didn’t immediately make her think of Dan. Everywhere downstairs was filled with the memory of when Michael had been there once on the way home from a Liverpool match. But the bedroom that still had Westlife and Spice Girls posters on the walls - the latter quickly pulled down to get Geri Horner’s face away from her - was the best place to hide. If she had her way she would never bring Dan to the house, he’d never even go near Liverpool as a city. She wanted to keep him safe from the ghosts that haunted her past, and more importantly she wanted him safe from her parents.

Daniel was everything that they would never want her to have in a boyfriend. He was a man with too many tattoos, who hadn’t finished school let alone gone to university, who she’d basically been in a relationship with for four years. A man who travelled the world and wasn’t going to settle down any time soon, who drove fast cars at dizzying speeds. They’d call him reckless and feckless and judge him on sight, not caring what Emma saw in him.

They wouldn’t listen to her tell them that he was the person who made her laugh until tears of joy fell from her eyes and her stomach hurt from laughter. They wouldn’t know that before every race she kissed his helmet and told him to go fast. They’d have no interest that he was the most caring man she’d ever met, that he’d spent the last four years trying to make sure that she was happy and safe and looked after.

All they cared about were things that were unimportant to Em right now. A ring on her finger, two point five grandkids, a house in the suburbs and a steady office job. Not apartments in different countries and tax residencies, not having friends around the world. Not having racing be such a huge part of their lives.

Her parents didn’t care that she loved him more than she had ever loved anyone else in the world, that she would always love him more than anyone else. They didn’t care that he was bigger than her whole sky. She always said that he was her sunshine, but he was so much more than that.

He was her whole world. But she’d had to learn the hard way that she wasn’t his and that knowledge and understanding still ached in her chest. If Dan loved her he wouldn’t have sent her away alone in Saudi. He would have gone back to the room to check on her, even knocked on the door to let her know he was safe. He would have put an arm around her waist and asked “are you ready to leave, love” at the party in Melbourne because that was their code for him wanting to leave. He would have kissed her forehead in bed that night, he would have hugged her.

He wouldn’t have said what he said. The Daniel that she loved, the one that she thought was in love with her, wouldn’t have said that he was done with her. He wouldn’t have said that he was done with them. He wouldn’t have left. The Daniel that she thought loved her for four beautiful years would have spent every minute that they were together in Melbourne trying to convince her to change her plans and come to Perth after the race because he didn’t need to be in London. He would have roped the kids into convincing her to come stay with them and spend time with them. The Daniel that she loved would have never let her go like that.

The worst part was Em knew that she wasn’t blameless. She could have said something, should have said something. After Christmas when things felt oh so wrong she should have spoken up then. On their trip to Sicily when it felt like they were papering over the cracks with sex and food and selfies. When they’d been talking about finding an apartment for them in London but the conversation stopped. She should have said anything. But she was so afraid of things being broken that she hadn’t realised that there was a fundamental break in their relationship that could never be repaired. Because Dan didn’t love her like she loved him.

That’s what she repeated to herself. It played on a loop in the back of her mind every waking minute of every single day since that warm April evening that she stepped on the first plane out of Melbourne. Every single hour of the seven and a half weeks since she’d seen him she kept telling herself that it wasn’t real. She’d fallen so deeply in love with Daniel and wanted him to love her the same way she loved him, so she convinced herself that he loved her. But he didn’t. Not like that. She had to come to terms with the fact that every time he said “I love you” to her it was platonic. The “Emmy”, the “Baby Girl”, the “y’know, right” was all platonic. He was the Morgan to her Garcia the exact same way it was when they watched Criminal minds on quiet flights, except she had fallen so deeply for him. She was making it up and got everything mixed up in her head. That was all it was, a big misunderstanding.

Thinking that way hurt her so much less than the other thoughts that filtered through her head. The ones like Dan was bored of her. He was sick and tired of having her around. He picked the fight because he wanted her to leave. That he’d met the blonde from the photo in Miami before and that’s why everything stopped. He’d found a woman who looked the way the media said a Formula One driver’s WAG should look, so Dan wanted to get rid of her.

It was so much easier than the “I told you so” she’d heard as soon as her dad saw her again. Better than the judging faces she saw when she came out of her room wearing the cardigan Charles had bought her for Christmas. She hadn’t mentioned where she even got it, it wasn’t worth the “stop lying, Emma. We all know you were just an assistant”. It was easier to be quiet than deal with the shocked expressions on faces when she actually appeared at the anniversary party, her press smile firmly on her face and her aunts and uncles judging her. One of her uncles mentioned that it was too safe and she wanted to scream that she was in Spa that awful day three years ago, that it wasn’t safe and she’d seen boys who were too young hold burdens they shouldn’t have to carry. Some of her younger cousins asked questions about if she’d ever met a driver and she wanted to laugh.

She wanted to tell them the story of meeting a barely twenty year old Max Verstappen, gangly and growing into himself, who’d smiled and shaken her hand. Of Charles helping her with her French and Italian in return for being treated not like il predestinato, but like a normal human. Of being one of the privileged ones to get to pet Roscoe and Coco Hamilton and feed them treats, giving Lewis a card when Coco died. Of Esteban and Lance and Mick treating her like a big sister. Of Hanna Vettel handing over one of her kids for a brief minute just inside the Aston garage while Em was talking to Chloe because she was Em and she was always there and she was trusted and liked. That she’d lived and breathed that world for a solid four years, and she’d lost her family and friends leaving it behind. 

But she couldn’t. None of them would believe her even if she told the stories and showed the photos she had. None of them counted on her, they thought her flighty. Her leaving her job without a safety net was of course something that Emma would do. She’d moved to London in her teens and had essentially run off, coming home for Christmas and funerals and that was it. She was the one who’d built a life away from them, a life that her parents constantly talked badly about her “gallivanting around the world”. But now it was over and she had to make her peace with that. She’d walked away from everything she’d had, lost everyone she’d loved.

At least she thought she had.

Every single time the doorbell rang, Em ignored it. There was no way it could be for her, so why would she go to get it? Her debit cards remained unused in her purse, and nobody knew she was there. Nobody had any idea that she might even be there. The rare moments that she spent in the living room staring out the window reminded her of that.

“Nobody’s coming, Emma.”

It was the refrain her father said when she didn’t realise what she was doing. He didn’t just mean Dan. There was nobody else in her life coming to see her. Michael and Blake were probably too mad that she’d left her work behind to see her. Chloe and Scotty had enough going on that they might not have even noticed her disappearance. Her father was right, but she didn’t want to hear it. So instead she ignored the knocks and doorbell ringing, ignored the raised voices from downstairs. Her dad was doing his usual being annoyed at a delivery driver for being there and Em went to roll over on her bed to mute the noise. But then she heard it, clear as a bell.

“Wiggle!”

Each of the boys had given her a nickname in the four years they’d spent together. Emma had become Emmy from Dan, and Wrinkles after the first night they met. Blake called her Ems, or after her rant about how Tim Tams were basically the same as penguin bars she became Tim Tam. Or Timothy. Or Tamothy. Or whatever variation of the bars he could come up with in the moment. Michael was the most creative. She was Em to him, but after he walked into her dancing around to Speak Now he started calling her Wiggle when he compared her awful dancing to the kids show. It was their thing.

She went from having no nicknames for most of her life to having more than she could count. It was ridiculous and she joked that it was the result of spending too much time with Australians. But she loved it. It was one of the things that made her feel oh so loved. And there was no greater feeling than the one spreading through her when she recognised Michael’s voice calling her from downstairs thanks to the stupid nickname.

Em wanted a clean break from them all. She left everyone thinking it was the best thing for her to do, that the people she loved could move on without her around. But the second she heard his voice again she stumbled out of the bed and ran to the top of the stairs.

“Sir, I know she’s here. I know Em is here and I’m not leaving until I talk to her.”

“There’s nobody called Em or Wiggle here, I’m not sure what you mean.”

When she got to the top of the stairs Michael said her name again, and the moment she saw him a tiny “Michael”” burst from her, the tears in her eyes making everything blurry. Michael Italiano had found her and he was at her parents front door, arguing with her dad to stop him from closing it in his face. He was there.

Her big brother was right there and she didn’t know how he’d found her but he had. Em couldn’t tell you how she got down the stairs, tears spilling as she pushed through to Michael standing there. She didn’t stop moving until his arms wrapped around her, holding her tightly against him.

All she wanted to do was ask how the hell he’d figured out where she was but she couldn’t. How had he found her in the very last place she ever wanted to be? Between her near uncontrollable sobs and the knot in her throat all she could do was rest her head against his chest and hold him tightly. It was Michael. She could feel him and smell his usual deodorant and he was right there with her. It felt like a dream but it wasn’t. He was there. She could tell by the way that Michael was holding her and the way he kept pressing kisses to the top of her head that it was real. He was there. 

“I told you I was gonna find you, Wiggle,” he whispered against her hair. It was barely loud enough for her to hear it, a warning that her parents were still close enough to listen. “Can we talk?”

She didn’t want to let him go. Letting go of him meant that he could disappear, he could leave. She’d take her hands away and he’d be satisfied that she was alive and could go without a word and she couldn’t take it. He was right there.

Em nodded into his chest, looking up and beginning to loosen her arms but Mike knew her so well and kept one of his around her shoulder, pushing another kiss to the top of her head. The last time she’d hugged someone was eight weeks before in the hotel lobby in Melbourne, holding onto Isaac and Isabella before having to let them go and Joe wrapping an arm around her. She hadn’t touched another human since then. After almost four years with her boys and their families hugs and human touch were common and she craved it. Before now she hated it, but they’d converted her to it. She was so touch deprived that actually being held by someone nearly hurt.

If she couldn’t have Daniel there with her, if she couldn’t have the one she really wanted, at least this way she got to have one of her brothers there with her. Michael didn’t let go, keeping a hold of her as she led him up the stairs. They both ignored her parents questions as they made it into her room and sat down, Em leaning against his chest for another cuddle. They were perched on the edge of the single bed as Em took deep breaths, waiting for him to speak first.

“You don’t know how many people miss you, Wiggle. I missed you so, so much. Come home?”

“I can’t.” It was hard to say so casually but she did it, watching as his face fell in shock. “I appreciate that you’re here but I can’t come back. I’ve nowhere to live, I can’t. I can’t come back to London.”

“If you wont come back, at least let me FaceTime Blake? I had to fight him to stop him getting into the car with me, part of me thinks he might be in the boot. Let him see you and know you’re ok at least?”

“Ok.” She could do that. Michael kept his arm around her while he opened his phone, Em spotting the photo of the two of them walking through a paddock together as his Lock Screen. It barely rang before Blake picked up, hair unusually askew.

“Mate did you find her? Was Chloe right? Is she ok?”

“Hey Blakey.” Em smiled through her tears, watching the shock on his face as he realised she was there. His hands reached out to the screen as if to touch her face.

“TImmy, you ok?” She nodded, unable to speak while swallowing back a sob at seeing him again. “You scared us, you know that? We miss you so, so much. I can’t wait to see you.”

“I’m not coming back. Thanks for being caring, but I can’t. I need to be away. I can’t see him again.”

“Just come home,” Blake pleaded, barely taking a breath before continuing. “Emma, please. Please just come home to us. I need my sister home with me. Nobody needs to choose between anyone, TimTam. But we need you home.”

She wanted to say no. She wanted to tell Michael to leave, to let her stay in London and try to find her new normal. But she’d left to make life easier on them and it clearly wasn’t. She could go back with them and find a new life with them all still there. And that felt right to her. She could deal with Dan on the periphery of her life rather than in the centre.

“I don’t have anywhere to stay.”

“My spare room.” Em turned to look at Mike, a grin spreading across his face. “You can stay in my spare room, it’s your room now. You’re coming home with me.”

It wasn’t a question.

“Yeah. I’ll come home.”

“Blake, I’ll text you when we’re in London. Gonna get our girl packed up and ready to go.”

It didn’t take long for her to pack, Michael making her stay sitting as she directed him to where everything was. She hadn’t even unpacked her things fully, just pulled out what she needed as she did. But the two cases were packed, Michael had gotten her chargers together, and he brought them downstairs as Em followed behind him.

“Where are you going, Emma?” Her mother asked, watching the way Michael kept his hand on Em’s back.

“Back to London. I shouldn’t have left.”

“We never wanted you to go, everyone’s just glad you’re coming back. Chloe knows I’m here, trying to convince her not to fly over has been tough.”

“Yeah?”

“Oh yeah. She was about to tell Lawrence what happened so he’d get involved in finding you. Lance really misses you. They’re the only ones who know everything, we told everyone else you’ve family stuff happening. Well, Seb, Este and Mick might have an idea from Lance. Natalie and Ted said to say hi and to look after yourself. Charles kept asking when he thought you’d be back.”

Em could feel her parents eyes flicking between them as he spoke, taking in the names.

“Who are you talking about?” Her dad asked, Michael squeezing her hand for a moment as if to ask if he could reveal everything. Em squeezed back hard, watching as he was let off the leash.

“Em’s friends in the paddock. Chloe Stroll, her dad Lawrence owns Aston Martin and her brother, Lance, is one of the drivers. Sebastian Vettel, Esteban Ocon, and Mick Schumacher are Lance’s teammate and best friends. They all helped Em when she learned French and I think Seb helped a bit with Italian. And then Natalie and Ted are Natalie Pinkham and Ted Kravitz from Sky Sports. And of course the last is Charles LeClerc. He got you that sweater, right?” Em looked down at the one he’d gotten her the year before, fingering the soft wool.

“Yeah he did. I told him I owed him for the Italian and French lessons and he told me he owed me for the English ones and got me this. I’ve missed them all.”

“They’ll be happy to see you in Monaco. We’ve got to get going to get back to London.”

“I hope this isn’t another mistake.” Em nearly stopped as her mother commented, but instead she just looked at her.

“It’s not. This is the right thing for me.”

“Let us know if there’s going to be another scandal. We need to get ahead if there is.”

Em turned and left, not dignifying it with a response. Michael was the one who got her suitcases into his car, opening the passenger door and watching as she settled in. It didn’t take long to get on the motorway, Michael pulling into a services about halfway through the drive.

“What do you want with your coffee?” He asked, Em shaking her head.

“A caramel latte is fine. I don’t need anything.”

“Did you have breakfast?” She shook her head. “You need fuel, Wiggle.”

“I’m not hungry.”

“A chocolate muffin?”

“Maybe.”

She sipped her coffee and picked at the muffin, barely eating any of it. But finally they were getting closer and closer to London, the motorway getting busier with people leaving the city after work. She was terrified and excited at the same time, completely unsure if this was the right thing to do. They’d said they wanted her back. They wanted to see her. People were asking about her. But really would she be wanted there?

Her phone lit up with an incoming call from Grace, Em sending it to voicemail. She couldn’t.

“Who was that?” Michael asked, Em taking a sip of coffee before speaking.

“Grace. I still texted her. She kept asking how I was and saying she was worried and I couldn’t cut her off. I was trying to do it slowly. It’s easier when she’s the other side of the world.”

Michael reached over to squeeze her hand, Em squeezing back.

“We’re home.” She looked around the familiar car park, panic starting to hit her chest. Michael recognised it in a moment, a hand on her shoulder. “I’m right here, Ems. Right here. Blake’s in the apartment because he couldn’t wait to see you. Are you ready for that?”

“Yeah.” No. She wasn’t nearly ready but she had to. She had to see him and apologise for leaving him lost with work. 

Again Michael insisted on carrying her cases, the two of them arriving in together. He opened the front door to let Em through and she saw Blake the moment she stepped into the living room. He stood up, opening his arms and Em walked straight into them and clung to him again.

“God I missed you. So, so much. I didn’t think I’d get to hug you again.” Blake’s words made Em want to crack, her sobs coming out so quickly.

“I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, so sorry. I’m sorry.”

“You’re back, that’s all that matters TimTam. You’re home and we’ve got you.”

The afternoon passed quicker than Em expected, the three of them splitting takeout that she barely ate. They boys glanced at her, and she knew she didn’t look great, but she couldn’t stomach anything.

“I added you to the flight reservation for tomorrow, Ems,” Blake said and her head shot up, staring at him.

“What reservation?”

“To Nice. Monaco’s this weekend.”

“I can’t.” Cold fear caught around her stomach. Monaco was the beginning of everything. “You don’t understand, Monaco is-“

“Where everything started. Dan told us.” She looked at Michael, at the first mention of Dan he’d made. “Em the two of you need closure. Say goodbye to him in person. I’ll bring him to our hotel to do it so he’ll leave when you need him to. But you need this.”

“I don’t know if I can walk away again.” The words were choked, yet more tears flowing. She didn’t know she had anymore tears left to cry. “It was so hard the last time. I don’t think I can again.”

“He’ll be the one leaving this time. But you need it. Plus, Chloe and Scotty will be there. I put it in the group chat we found you and Chloe’s insisting. If it wasn’t Monaco she’d be here already.”

“Group chat?”

She listened in stunned silence as they filled her in on everything that happened since she’d left. Chloe’s flight to London, leaving her in laws behind, so she could try find Em. The gossip instagram sightings of her that had been used to find her. The way people kept asking about her. Brown wanting to cancel her paddock pass.

“It’s still active?” It was the one thing she was stuck on.

“Dan wouldn’t let them cancel it. He insisted that you needed it. He kept hoping you’d turn up one weekend.”

“I’ll come to Monaco with you.”

That night she lay in bed, staring at the wall. She was home. She’d get to see Chloe tomorrow, and nobody was mad at her. They all missed her and wished she’d talked to them, but they weren’t mad. She was going to get to say goodbye to Dan for a final time and then come home and start building her life up. She could do it.

Her phone rang and without thinking she answered in her half asleep haze, realising too late that it was Grace calling.

“Hello? Grace?” There was silence on the line, Em leaving it for a moment. “Are you there?”

With no answer she hung up, switching her phone off. She didn’t need this. She didn’t need to mourn anymore, not when she had a hard few days ahead of her because Monaco was the place where everything had begun and where it would end for good.

-

Dan stared at the track map in front of him, his finger tracing the oh too familiar streets of Monaco. He knew every single round of the track. Every single place he’d need to turn, he’d driven them the day before when he got back from Barcelona. When he came back to this apartment that reminded him of Emmy and cried sitting on the couch and spotting her shoes by the tv. When he sprayed her perfume on the pillow next to his because it helped him get a little bit more sleep.

He wasn’t ok. He knew that now. He knew he had monumentally fucked up and ruined the best relationship of his life because he never opened his mouth. He had flights booked to go home and tell everyone that Em was gone and he was dreading it. Having to tell his parents she’d left him, telling Michelle and Adam that she was gone. Telling the kids how much their auntie Emmy loved them but Dan had fucked it all up on them so she couldn’t come back again. 

His heart was completely broken. The one week between races meant he didn’t have to go to England, could avoid the apartments in London. His empty one and her former one he was paying rent on. Instead Dan focused on the next weekend. He ran through the circuit on the sim again and again until he was driving it as perfectly as he could but his lap times were still too high. He ate and worked out and used the sim and showered and slept and that was all he did. Focusing on anything else was too much.

Blake and Michael were still in London. They were getting in on Wednesday but not seeing him till Thursday, two days from then. And that was barely hanging on by a thread. Every morning Dan half expected Michael’s resignation letter. Blake hadn’t said anything yet, but it was coming. He knew his manager too well. The explosion and anger were going to happen and it was going to be deserved.

When Dan was feeling especially masochistic he dug down in his backpack and opened the green leather box hidden in a bottom pocket. Nestled in the black satin was a thin gold ring with a tiny diamond in it. Em deserved more, deserved a huge ring. But she’d never wear it. She always preferred dainty jewellery, made comments about how big stones were destined to fall out. He picked it out for her style, not his. He should leave it in a drawer or sell it but he couldn’t. It meant giving up on her, and he didn’t know if he ever could.

“Dan? Em? Are you home?” His head shot up as his hand dropped the ring into his bag. No. He knew that voice and she should be seven timezones away from him right now. Not walking into his apartment. 

“Danny? You here?” His mum and dad walked into the kitchen to see him, both of their faces brightening at seeing him there before taking in the expression on his face, the tears he’d let out thinking he was alone. “We thought we’d surprise you for Monaco. Where’s Em? Is she gone out?”

His throat went dry as he swallowed, watching the two of them taking in the scene. The lack of anyone else’s belongings. Her baby blue suitcase not there. 

“Danny? What’s wrong?” He hadn’t heard his mum like that since he was a teenager and scared to move to Italy.

“I…uh…I have flights to come home next week to tell you.” He swallowed desperately, unable to make himself say the words for a moment. He hadn’t said it out loud. “Em…I…Emmy left me. She’s gone. She’s gone for good and she’s not coming back and it’s all my fault.”

He could see the moment they hit his parents, the way they nearly rocked back. The devastation on his mother’s face, the shock and dismay on his father’s. 

“But you were going to propose?” Dan huffed a bitter laugh at his dad’s words, putting the ring box on the table where they could both see. “What happened?”

“I fucked up, Dad. I…I did something I never should have. I said things I shouldn’t have said. So she’s gone and she isn’t going to come back. I don’t even blame her, she was right to. I never even called her my girlfriend to her face.” They both sat and looked at him as Dan ranted, letting it out to the two people who he thought would still love him after he revealed everything. “She made me promise her not to leave her alone and then I not only did it, but I sent her away. And we fought in Melbourne. I told her I was done. She resigned when she was flying home from Australia. I haven’t seen her since the hotel and there was a letter in Blake’s and my stuff and she moved and she’s gone. I chased her away. She’s sorry for hurting everyone but I made her leave. I made her go. She’s never coming back.”

He watched his mum pull out her phone and hit a speed dial, putting it on speaker. It rang once, twice, three times, and then hit voicemail. “Hey, this is Em. If this is business related send an email. If not, leave a message after the beep.”

“Dan…” His mother wrapped him in a hug and Dan sobbed in her arms, everything hitting him now he’d said it out loud. Em was gone. His Emmy wasn’t his and she was never coming back. It had been nearly eight weeks since he’d gotten to even see her, it was nearly three months since they’d shared a bed. Not since the night before going to Saudi. She wasn’t going to run her fingers through his hair anymore. She wasn’t going to cup his cheek and kiss him, fall asleep with her arm over his chest. Curl up on his lap on a plane while he talked to the guys and she napped.

He’d never see her in the paddock again. Never get that jealousy when he saw her talking in French with Charles or Lance, never see her hug Chloe before they went to their own garages. Never watch her talk to Mick and tell him to keep his head up, that she was proud of him. 

He was never going to get to have a child who looked like her. One with her hair and eyes and nose. One who looked like him but with her personality. Never put the ring on her finger. Never ask her to please let him be her husband because he didn’t care about the rest of it, he wanted her. 

The list of things he would never do again felt sickeningly long. He’d forget how it felt to kiss her. How it felt when she woke up from a nap in his arms and smiled up at him. When they were in Sicily and ate food and he showed her where his great Nonna had lived, a house no longer occupied by Ricciardos but where his dad had carved his name into drying cement. The way she looked at him like he was her world. The way she said “I love you”. 

He was going to forget all of it in time. He’d never forget Em, never forget how she had changed his life and ruined him for any other woman, but he’d forget the details. He kept opening his messages praying for something from her but nothing. He was never going to get another one from her.

“You were going to propose.” Joe was caught on that detail, opening the box and looking at the ring he’d bought. “You had the ring, you asked me how I knew. How did…how did it happen?”

“I told her I was done.” It slipped out with another tear, Dan pushing his fist to his mouth. He’d replayed those sentences over and over and over in his head. “If that’s what you want, I’m fucking gone. I’m done here, I’m gone” Em’s face falling as he turned to slam the door. The way that if he’d taken even a second he’d have realised she knew him so well she pushed his buttons deliberately. He’d have known. He wouldn’t have left. He didn’t even kiss her goodbye.

“I can’t believe..you…I…” Joe burst into angry ranting and Dan half ignored it, feeling his mother stiffen at his back.

“Did you really say that to her?” Grace was quiet, and the quiet disappointment was worse than anything else. Italian mothers knew Catholic guilt, and at his heart he wanted to be a good son.

“Yeah. She told me to leave, that I’d been leaving her behind the whole weekend and I should go. So I told her if that was what she wanted I was gone. I was done. And then she went downstairs and said goodbye and I swear she planned it. She knew what she was doing. The resignation email was already queued. She knew she was leaving and I encouraged her.”

“The presents…” he could hear the realisation in his mother’s tone. 

“I have to tell the kids she loves them so much but she can’t see them anymore and she wishes she could be their auntie. It’s why I’m going home next week so I can tell everyone. I just want her back, Mama. I don’t know how to do anything without her. She’s my life.”

His mother sat opposite him, pulling Dan’s face up and wiping his eyes. He stared into that identical face, the same nose and curls he’d inherited.

“You can’t fix this, Danny. If she’s gone she’s gone. But if she saw you like this? You’re too thin, have you eaten?” He shook his head. “If she saw you like this she’d blame herself and you don’t want Emmy to do that, do you?”

“No.”

Exactly. So you’re going to put that away and we’re going to make dinner. You have media tomorrow and you need to get yourself ready for it. Understood?”

“Yes, Mama.” She pulled him into a hug.

“We’ll talk more when you’re ready for it. I bet Michael already told you just how angry he is?” Dan nodded. “I thought so. I’m so disappointed in you. You called her your girlfriend, you were going to ask her to marry you but you never told her that you’re dating?”

“I thought she knew!”

“You always say it. Did you even have an anniversary?”

“Monaco. It’d be four years on Friday.” Grace peeled back through the memories, shaking her head.

“I…that makes sense. You need to get ready for tomorrow. Go shower and change, and I’ll have food ready when you’re out.”

“Thank you.”

He ignored the quiet disagreement he could hear between his parents as he left the room. He just felt hollow, and when he got into the shower and caught sight of Em’s fancy custom shampoo his tears fell almost as hard as the water from the shower head.

—

Being in a hotel in Monaco felt too much like four years before and it was suffocating for Em. She shared the room with Michael, and the day before Chloe had appeared at the hotel room door, wrapping Em in a hug and pulling her to sit and talk. It was awkward and painful and part of the mistakes she’d made were full force in front of her, but it was also like she’d never been away. Having her best friend there as they people watched out the window and Chloe filled her in on the gossip she’d missed in the last few months. 

But it was Thursday and she was on a mission. Michael had agreed to bring Dan to the hotel that afternoon for her to say goodbye to him at last, and Em was on her way back to Dan’s apartment to pack up whatever was there. She wasn’t even sure what she’d left behind, but she needed to get it out of the apartment. She didn’t want to have to go to the place she almost considered home after saying goodbye to Dan for the final time.

For the first time since she’d answered Grace’s phone call and got no response on Tuesday night Em switched her phone back on, muting all her notifications but opening Spotify. Her Taylor Swift Heartbreak playlist was on repeat, big sunglasses hiding the bags under her eyes and making her blend in with the rest of the city. Last Kiss was playing through her headphones and she bit her lip as she went into the apartment building, pushing the button for Dan’s floor and waiting to go up. Their floor. Dan’s floor. He’d kept making the joke that she basically lived there, she should stay more. But London had always been their home base, really.

Never thought we’d have our last kiss. Never imagined it ends like this. Your name, forever the name on my lips. Just like our last kiss.

The music was blasting as she undid the lock, closing the door firmly behind her. Em didn’t notice the extra shoes in the hallway, didn’t hear the movement in the living room until she pulled an earbud out of one ear and heard movement. Looking up she stopped in terror as Joe and Grace Ricciardo were watching her with shocked eyes.

“Emmy?” Grace asked, worry filling her face as she took Em in fully. The panic filled her chest, her phone falling to the floor and the other earbud yanked out of her ear. They weren’t supposed to be here. They were supposed to be in Perth, far away from all of this. They were supposed to be the other side of the world and the apartment was supposed to be empty and she’d run away, why were they still here? Why weren’t they yelling?

Her hand reached out blindly, grabbing the side of the couch and holding on as it became hard to breathe. She didn’t know what was happening, panic filling her entire body as her thoughts fizzed out and she could feel herself shaking.

“Joe, get orange juice and some water? And put on the Red album, its by Taylor Swift. It’ll help her. Emmy I’m going to touch your arm and help you onto the couch. It’s just me, I’m right here Sweetheart. We’ve got you.”

“I’m so sorry, I’m so, so, so sorry,” she gasped out, Grace sitting her down and pulling her into a hug. 

“You don’t need to be sorry, we understand why. We get it. Deep breaths, deep deep breaths. Follow my breathing. In for four, hold it for seven, out for four. Follow my counting.”

She followed Grace’s counting, almost jumping when she felt someone at the other side of her. Em kept her eyes closed, afraid if she opened them it’d be just a dream. State of Grace was playing in the background and the irony made her want to laugh if she was less panicked.

“It’s just Joe. We’re both right here for you, deep breaths. We’ve got you Emmy. We’ve got you.”

“I’m right here Kiddo. Follow Grace’s breathing and we’re right here.”

It took time for her to calm down and the trembling to stop. Treacherous was playing in the background as she opened her eyes, looking at her hands. Two familiar hands were clutching hers, sandwiching her on the couch.

“You’re here?” Em asked, Grace and Joe both squeezing her hand.

“We got in Tuesday to surprise you and Dan. He didn’t tell us what happened. We’re so glad to see you.” Grace’s voice was low, Em looking over at her and leaning in.

“I was coming to get my stuff. Michael’s getting Dan to come by the hotel room so we can clear the air.”

“We missed you so much.” It was quiet as Em took it in. The warmth of the two of them beside her, the way Grace’s arm was still around her back and holding her steady. Leaving once was impossible, but leaving twice felt like torture.

“I should go. I’ll get everything when you’re not here.” She went to stand but Joe held her in place, making her look at him.

“Why do you think you need to go?”

“I left. I’m not sure why you’re being so nice to me.”

“You’re family, Kiddo.” Those simple words made her break. The tears that the panic attack had held back started, Em trying to wipe them away. They wanted her. Nobody ever wanted her and she’d walked away but they wanted her and Em felt like she was going to break in two. But Dan’s parents held onto her tightly, calming her down until Grace pushed a glass into Em’s hands.

“You’ve had a shock. Drink the juice and then we’ll talk.” Once Em drained the glass she looked at Grace, the older woman holding her hands as Joe held onto her shoulders.

“Dan told us about what happened. He told us about you not wanting to make people pick sides. But you’re our family, Emmy. Just as much as he is. No matter what happens or happened with you and Dan, we want you in our lives. Don’t take that choice from us.” She nodded, Grace beaming at it. “Now, the kids gave me presents for you. They told us you weren’t well so they wanted to make sure you felt better. Plus we picked up things for you too.”

Joe was the one who went to a suitcase and opened it, pulling out a pile of presents. There were two packets of Tim Tams to make her laugh, a giant Perth mug the size of Dan’s head, and her favourite of all. A hand made get well soon card with childish colours on it, Isaac written semi neatly and Isabella written in a scrawl inside it. Attached to the card was a small white teddy bear that could fit in the palm of Em’s hand. There was a thin red scarf on the bear, making Em grin. She let out another tear at the inscription in the card, written in Isaac’s messy handwriting.

Auntie Emmy,

Uncle Dan said you’re sick and you can’t go on FaceTime with us but we miss you! London looks like it’s raining so you should come to us to get better cause it’s sunny. Isabella named the bear London cause it’s where you are.

Lots of love and see you in winter!

Isaac and Isabella

“They don’t know?” Em asked, Grace shaking her head.

“None of us did. You know how Dan is when he’s hurt, he keeps it in.”

“We both do. He…he’s my whole world. And it’s over and I have to say goodbye tonight and I don’t know how to.”

“Emma, look at me.” Joe had never used her full name and she looked up, wiping away tears. “I shouldn’t say this, he said it to us in confidence. But Danny said the exact same thing about you. He called you his life. Now I don’t know all the details of what happened, but if the two of you miss each other so much then I think you’re destined to fix things. You don’t get two loves like this. He wants you back, Kiddo. And I think you do too.”

“Yeah, I really do.”

Em sat there, holding the teddy to her chest as Grace and Joe kept her penned in. All she wanted was to stay right there with them.

She knew she needed to leave but it was the last thing she wanted to do. Even with the assurances that she was still family it just didn’t make sense. Her family had never wanted her but the Ricciardos still did? They wanted to keep her in their lives? She couldn’t understand why. Time kept passing and the sun was moving across the sky but she couldn’t do it.

Before she could make herself stand up, the front door opened and the oh too familiar footsteps came in. Dan was right there.

“Mum, Dad, I’m home!” She stood up at his voice, Dan coming into the room and stopping still. “Emmy?”

“Hi.” He was gaunt, the tan not hiding how pale and drawn he looked. She knew they were nearly identically haggard, the split hurting both of them more than they could have believed. They met in the middle of the room, Dan opening his arms and wrapping them around her. Em clung to him, holding on so tightly that she thought she might break him. Dan was doing the same thing, pressing kisses to her head. She could hear movement around them, listening out for speech.

“We’ll make sure she’s ok,” she could hear Joe say.

“Really?”

“Yeah. If we need to we’ll bring her to the hotel ourselves.”

“Thanks.” It was Blake and Michael who’d spoken and left the room, Em barely paying attention.

“We’ll leave you two alone.” That was Grace, squeezing Em’s arm and leaving the room as Em looked up at Dan. He was staring at her, and the look in her eyes made her nearly want to look away. It was fierce and caring and she thought it was echoed in her own.

“Are you really here?”

“I’m here.”

“Are…are you going to leave again?”

Em took a breath, deciding to be brave for once. “I’m only leaving if you ask me to leave.”

The grin that spread across his face was the best thing she’d seen in months, the bright smile making her join in.

“Can I kiss you?”

She didn’t even get the words out, nodding as Dan leaned down to kiss her and it felt like coming home. He was there and they had so much to fix, so much to work out, but he was her home. The idea that she was going to walk away or leave him again was impossible.

“I love you. I love you so much and there’s so many reasons why I should have said it before now but I love you and I want you to be my girlfriend. I know we have to talk but I need you to know, Baby Girl.”

“I love you too. So much. I didn’t think you loved me. That’s why I left. But I’m not going anywhere Dan. I can’t.”

He held onto her as they made their way to the sofa, Em settling on his lap. She didn’t fit the way she used to but she rested against his chest, her hand over his heart as her other hand held the teddy against her chest.

“Who’s that?” Dan asked, Em smiling.

“Isaac and Isabella sent him with your parents, they called him London. He’s to make me feel better. They’re good kids.”

“They love their auntie. I didn’t say anything to them. I didn’t know what to say. Just you were sick and had some family stuff so you couldn’t go on FaceTime with me. Next time I talk to them you can too?”

“I’d really like that.”

It was quiet for a moment before they both tried speaking at the same time, identical words flowing into each other.

“I’m sorry.” A huffed laugh went between them, Dan holding out his hand for her to speak.

“I’m sorry. For running, for not talking. I shouldn’t have left but I couldn’t stay. I was convinced it was over and you hated me. I couldn’t stay waiting.”

“I’m so sorry for making you think that, Baby. I love you. I’ve loved you for so long. I never should have said that, I shouldn’t have sent you away in Saudi. I shouldn’t have stayed away from you in Melbourne and I definitely shouldn’t have just left the bed that morning. I should have been there for you. If you’ll let me I want to be there for you now.”

“Yeah. I want it.”

“Yeah?” Em reached up to kiss him, separating and kissing his nose next.

“We have so much to talk about. We have so much we need to fix. But we can’t do it now.” Dan went to speak but she held up a hand and he let her continue. “This conversation we need to have is gonna take time and we don’t have time in the middle of the season. When summer break happens we’ll do it then?”

“That sounds good. But if stuff comes up we talk about it straight away. I can’t lose you Emmy. When you answered that call on Tuesday I couldn’t speak. I can’t lose you.”

“You won’t lose me. Not again. And that was you?”

“Yeah. I thought you’d answer if you thought it was Mama, but I was in shock hearing you again. I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Danny.”

She stayed curled up on him as they both half dozed, content to just be together. Grace and Joe came out a few moments later, looking at the two of them. Em fell asleep in Dan’s arms, unaware of what was happening around her.

“You gonna tell her everything?” Joe asked Dan quietly, watching as his son ran his hand up and down Em’s back.

“Yeah. We’re going to make this work. I got a second chance, Dad. I’m not losing her again.”

“Good.”

Em woke for dinner, actually eating the meal put in front of her. She still wasn’t hungry but having people around made it easier for her to eat. She was beside Dan, his hand on her thigh as they ate Grace’s cooking. It was quiet afterwards, Em pushing kisses to Dan’s cheek because it was something she could do now.

“Are you staying the night?” Dan asked, Em shrugging.

“I don’t know if I have anything here.”

“Your clothes are all still where they belong. I couldn’t move them.”

“Then yes.”

It was awkward as they got into bed for the first few moments, each lying on their own side and trying to get comfortable. Em took the first step, rolling over and putting her arm over Dan’s chest, resting her head on his pec and curling into him. One of Dan’s arms went around her, his lips pushing kisses to her to make her smile. It was the first night of uninterrupted sleep she’d had since she’d left Saudi.

Em woke to a kiss on her forehead as Dan eased out of the bed. “Hmm?”

“Go back asleep, Baby. Just getting up. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

She put her arms around his pillow and curled into it, smelling Dan again on it. He was there and he’d told her he was getting up and it was fine. Fifteen minutes later she woke to more kisses to her face.

“Wakey wakey, I’ve got breakfast.”

“What?”

There was a tray waiting for her, bacon and eggs and a pancake on a plate. Dan’s own meal was there too, along with a bowl of fruit for them to split and a coffee each. She grinned and sat up as Dan got back into bed.

“You made breakfast?”

“You always love when I do.”

“I just didn’t expect it.”

“Happy anniversary, Emmy.”

“Happy anniversary.”

Four years since she’d been in Monaco and watched him win, four years since that night in the club and the sex that had led to everything. To the happiest and saddest she’d ever been in her life. She couldn’t help but grin, eating her breakfast and talking to Dan before going for a shower.

In the bathroom Em fully realised just how she looked. She’d lost weight, her face tight and her hair dull. She looked sick, dark bags under her eyes. And yeah she was there with Dan now but she wasn’t ok, not really. She needed to get herself together and Monaco was not the race to be back in public for.

It was too early in the morning for them to really get up, but Monaco was always weird and Dan had more media that day before and after the practices. Em had insisted she’d be fine there alone, she’d be happy on the couch with F1TV on. But Dan had another surprise for her.

There was a knock on the door at eight, Grace opening it up and welcoming the visitor in. Chloe Stroll stood there smiling, hugging Em and kissing her cheek.

“Everything good?” She asked, Em nodding.

“My boyfriend and I are good.” Chloe grinned, hugging Dan and whispering something that made him pale.

“I’m here for the day. Practice day isn’t fun from the garage, and I figured you wouldn’t want to be around the paddock this week considering everything.”

“Thank you.”

Blake and Michael were the last to arrive, the latter immediately coming over to Em.

“I’m good. Really, I’m good.” She gave Michael a hug, giving one to Blake as well.

“We need to head. I got Nat to move your interview to this morning instead of last night. I told her Em needed you because of family stuff. She was good to move because it was for Em.” Blake nodded towards her after he finished speaking, Dan putting his game face on.

“Tell her I said thanks?”

“Of course.”

Everyone except Em and Chloe left the apartment, the two women sitting on the couch with coffee and Chloe catching Em up on everything that had happened. Apart from that it was relaxing, FP1 on. Em cringed at the times, nervous watching Dan going around the track. She’d seen him be confident on it and seen him be miserable on it, and this was reminding her too much of the year before. But she had lunch with Chloe and they spent an hour painting each others nails as FP2 began. Ems were blue and purple to match Dan’s helmet from the year before, just dry as she caught sight of an orange car going into the wall.

“No. No.” Chloe grabbed her hand as Em increased the volume.

“Is the car ok?” She heard Tom say.

“I’m ok.” She breathed a sigh of relief before standing, heading to the bedroom and putting one of Dan’s oversized hoodies on.

“Em? What are you doing?” Chloe called, watching Em slip on vans.

“I have to see him.”

“Ems, you can’t. He’ll be back soon, he’s fine.”

“I have to. Chlo…if that was Scotty and something happened on a half pipe, and you were a kilometre away. You’d run, right?”

“Yeah. I would.”

“Please.”

It took five minutes for Chloe to do Em’s makeup, hiding the worst of the dark circles around her eyes and the sickly pale complexion she had. The two women had their passes, Em picking hers up from the counter and putting it around her neck. It was an active pass, it was her pass, and it’d get her into McLaren which was where she needed to be. They scanned in and were mostly ignored, just looking like two more young women who were in the paddock. Chloe slipped into Aston, promising to text as soon as she saw Lance for Em to head over to them. Em walked up to McLaren, scanning her pass in front of the security who watched with suspicion as she was immediately allowed into the garage.

Grace and Joe were standing in the viewing spot and Em crept up, tapping Joe’s shoulder. Dan’s car was back, the suspension clearly an issue and the front wing gone. Joe wrapped her in a hug, Em returning it and giving one to Grace.

“How is he?”

“Ok. He got checked out, he’s just finished media. He was going to the med centre afterwards so he could be approved, and then he’s going to his room. Head up there, he’ll be glad to see you.” She nodded, turning and going straight to it. She caught sight of a nod from Andreas and a look from Brown, but they were mostly ignored as she set her sights on her target. 

The drivers room was small, Em sitting on the tiny couch and waiting. He’d be there soon. She’d see him and get to see him. He’d be ok. She could hear his footsteps coming down the hallway and when the door opened Em stood to see him.

She didn’t know who hugged who first, Em wrapping her arms around his shoulders to hold him. Her boyfriend was so much taller than her but she didn’t care, keeping him close and rubbing his back.

“I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve got a meeting in ten though,” Dan whispered, Em kissing his cheek.

“I’ll go down with you and sit in hospitality. It’ll be fine.”

Em held Dan’s hand going downstairs, walking into the garage still holding it as they got looks. Brown came over to call Dan to his meeting, but Dan leaned down to peck her lips before he said anything.

“I’ll be over when I can. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Chloe was just outside the garage, the paddock still mostly empty while practice was happening. She draped another lanyard around Em’s neck, nodding at Blake behind her.

“You’re in Aston Martin for the rest of the weekend, Dad said yes immediately. I thought it’d keep the media away, they won’t expect you to be there. Can you tell Dan?” The second part was to Blake who nodded, watching as Em was swept down to the green hospitality.

She spent the rest of the afternoon in there until she got a text saying they were leaving, the paddock now empty of media and Em putting her sunglasses back on to head down and walk out in the gaggle of people around Dan. She blended in and nobody noticed, Em tired after the day. Once they were further into the city Dan took her hand and she smiled up at him, the two of them able to do it in public. It felt so good.

That night Grace insisted on cooking for them before leaving to go for dinner with Joe, making their anniversary dinner before hugging them and saying goodbye. It was good food and smiling, Em ending up in Dan’s arms on the couch.

“I love you.” It felt so lucky to get to say it over and over and watch Dan’s eyes light up.

“I love you too. I booked flights to go to Perth on Monday. I was gonna tell everyone that you and I were over and you’d left. I thought the kids deserved to know in person.” Em sniffed, forcing back tears as Dan kissed her forehead. “Come with me. It’s a super quick visit, we’re back in Baku by Tuesday next week. But we need this. And I think you really need a hug from them.”

“I do. I really do. What do they know?” She hated asking, clutching the teddy they’d given her even closer.

“You were sick and there was family stuff going on so you couldn’t be on FaceTime. They didn’t need to know anything else.”

“They don’t need to know anything else.” She was firm, staring up at Dan. “They’re kids, they don’t need to know what happened. All they know is they have an auntie and an uncle who love them so incredibly much.” She nuzzled into Dan more, feeling kisses pushed to her head.

“Exactly.”

The next two days were exhausting, Em not fully fit for the experience. Dan was driving and looking miserable, she was constantly exhausted and felt like she was on the verge of having a meltdown. The noise, the movement, the people were so much. Chloe was great, Scotty there and holding her hand when she needed it in the hospitality. Lance came over to give her a hug on Saturday and she waved at Seb from across the room, getting a grin back in response. Her friends had learned she was there and it was secret meetings in the back of the Aston Martin garage where cameras wouldn’t see. The hugs Mick and Charles gave her made her grin. It wasn’t unusual for the two to pop by Aston, so they could be there in secret. She felt human again.

The practice and race were a wash. Dan wasn’t lapped, which was better than the year before, but she was so fed up of hearing Brown make comments about her boyfriends performance. Give him the car they promised and he’d be able to do something with it. This hunk of junk they’d given him that was designed around his shorter teammate? It wasn’t going to work.

They went back to the apartment that evening, Blake and Michael on the couch with her as she watched Dan change into a suit for a sponsor event. Em offered to go with him, put on a dress and heels, but Dan insisted she shouldn’t do it. She needed to relax and spend time resting, so instead Em kissed him goodbye and waved to Grace and Joe who were accompanying him. She was wrapped in one of the original Ric3 hoodies they’d designed and clutched London the bear as she dozed off. It was one more night until she got on the first flight to Australia and she couldn’t wait.

She woke being lifted off the couch, Dan holding her up and carrying her to the bedroom.

“Huh?” Em asked, still half asleep.

“Just going to bed, Emmy. I got out early and wanted to come home to you.” She filed the question about getting away early to one side, instead focusing on how Dan slipped next to her in the bed and she got to curl up beside him, arms around her as he kissed her forehead before going to sleep with her.

Taglist (Let us know if you wanna be added!)

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[thefreakydeaky]

You're No Good (Part 2)

Negan x Reader

Various TWD Characters x Reader

Modern AU

Summary: Your husband came up with a way to keep you away from trouble but trouble just won't stay away from you.

Warnings: In this house we say Fuck. there's a little angst in this part. la croix smut. there is a hint of smut.

That evening as you made dinner, the instant messaging app dinged. You picked up your phone to see a response from your ex.

- Hey, I've been doing fine. The families alright except we lost Mimma and Pappa two years ago. We should go get a drink together and really catch up, when you've got time. There's a fancypants bar at that new hotel downtown. You were always into that sort of thing. Let me know.-

You smirked.

Fancypants bar

It was a very Him phrase to use. It sounded fun to day drink and hang out for a while.

-I'm sorry to hear that. My condolences to you and your family. I would like to catch up. What day are you off?-

And just like that it was set in motion. You pushed the stir fry around the pan. You heard the garage door opening and took off your apron.

Negan called out to you as he came inside. You turned off the stove and went to him.

The tall handsome man put his arms around you encircling you in his embrace. You leaned up and pressed your lips to his in a quick peck. He laughed. Then ducked his head and kissed you properly. His lips molded to yours. You stayed connected for a moment. He slowly pulled away.

"What you makin'?" Negan asked following you to the kitchen.

"Oh, just stir fry." You told him.

He took out a couple of plates and set them on the counter. You began to serve your dinner as he got a beer and a soda from the fridge.

"How was your day?" He took a seat at the table.

You picked up the plates and then set them down. You got utensils and brought them to the table.

"It was alright." You thought for a moment to tell him you had run into Rick Grimes, but you decided against it. "Nothing interesting. I bought a new dress."

"That's nice." He took a bite of his food.

"So, I don't want you to think I'm upset with you, because I'm not, but-"

His eyebrows raised. He looked mildly concerned.

"Another one called me today.” You kept your tone even.

“Who called you?” He asked not understanding.

“Someone you’ve …seen or someone you’re seeing.” You tried again.

He winced.

“We had talked about you using face recognition to lock your phone, remember?" You imparted with forced calm.

"Shit. Baby, I'm sorry. I hate to do it. It's such an inconvenience, but you're right. If it's the only way to prevent this from happening I'll get it done."

You nodded.

"Thank you."

He took your hand in his and kissed your knuckles. Your text message app chimed. You ignored it in favor of eating dinner with the man you loved.

••••••••••••

On a bright and sunny Saturday, You and Negan drove to one of the biggest parks in the city. It was beautiful, green and teaming with vegitation. The big elm trees offered a lot of shade and the lake at the center made the weather, that bordered on too hot, more bearable.

There were tables set up and booths with carnival games. An Axe throwing area was set up off to the side. There was an area being used to set up the catering that had been ordered as well.

Hand in hand you let Negan lead you up to his boss. He introduced you (again) to Mr. Philip Blake, a man of average height and unremarkable features. He acted pleasant enough.

You shook hands and made a comment about how nice it all was. Mr. Blake called his wife and daughter over and you greeted them as well. They were in matching floral printed shorts and pink polo shirts. You found it cute and smiled at the little girl.

"Well, there's plenty to do around here. You have to sign a waver for the axe throwing, but it's safe enough." Mr. Blake commented.

"We'll try it out." Negan replied.

The men nodded cordially at one another and you parted ways.

"What would you like to do?" Negan asked you as you stopped by different booths to check them out.

"Mm...what about the ring toss?"

Negan smirked at you.

"You sure about that?"

You nodded.

When it was your turn at the game, you were handed three rings each. You watched Negan go first. He missed the first one but landed the last two.

"Good job, My love." You kissed his cheek.

"Can't wait to see you try it." He teased.

You played at glaring at him.

You turned the first ring in your hand and hooked your hand as though you were throwing a frisbee. You moved your wrist sharply. It whizzed past the bottles and hit the tarp behind them.

The corner of Negan's mouth twitched. You shook your head.

You tried the same move again, this time you tried not to move so tightly. The ring landed upright in between the bottles

You made a sound of disappointment.

Negan chuckled.

"Last one, You've got this." He encouraged despite his amusement.

The last ring you held between both your hands and tossed into the air. The red plastic bounced against the bottles and tumbled to the floor.

You pouted.

Negan laughed lightly. He pulled you into his side, his arm around you lower back.

"It's okay, Baby. Throwing was never your thing."

"Yeah, yeah." You pretended to be mad about it. In truth, your lack of agility didn't bother you, you just liked to see Negan smile.

You moved on to a booth where you would throw darts at balloons. Negan gestured toward the stuffed animals.

"I'll win you one." He boasted, throwing you a wink.

You scoffed at him.

"Sure you will."

He threw the first of five darts and immediately hit a green balloon. The next two darts popped two more balloons in a row. With the the fourth one he struck the board between two rows and both balloons popped.

You clapped, grinning at the absurdly joyful look on his face. He got ready to throw the fifth dart.

You jumped at the feeling of a hand on your shoulder and turned, missing Negan's throw.

"What are you doing here?" The torso you found yourself looking at was all that was eye level for you, you had to crane your neck to see the man talking to you.

"Be?" Your eyes widened.

You would not have imagined you would run into him here, the man you met in a motel room twice a month. Memories flashed through your mind, the giant of a man with his hands tied together, laying naked under you as you rode his long cock. Memories of teasing him and edging him until he was on the verge of tears. Making him cum so hard that he whined as he reached orgasm. Then again, was it any wonder that you wouldn't know? He was very strict about keeping the details of your lives private. You didn't even know his real name. He told you to call him 'Beta'.

His brows were curled down in upset.

"You shouldn't be here." Beta insisted.

"I, uhm, someone I know works for-"

"I don't care! She'll see you!" He said in a hushed but urgent tone.

"Just ignore me. She will only know if you give it away." You huffed pushing his hand away from your shoulder.

Beta grabbed onto your forearm and started pulling you away.

"Hey!" You hissed. "Let go of me!"

The giant of a man ignored you still tugging you along behind him. You looked around frantically for your husband.

"Excuse me. You wanna get your fucking hands off my wife?" Negan cut in coming to stand between you.

Beta seemed startled by Negan's sudden presence. He let go of your arm.

"Oh, uh, your wife? My bad." He stuttered, looking from you to Negan and back. He didn't seem to be intimidated by Negan. Rather, his eyes kept darting toward the seating area somewhere behind you. "My bad." He repeated and walked away.

Once Beta was a good distance away, Negan turned and picked something up off the ground. Still feeling anxious and freaked out by what had happened, you watched as he came to you and deposited a rainbow colored bear into your arms the size of a small dog.

"Are you alright?" He sounded annoyed, but there was concern under it.

You nodded. You stared at the stuffed animal mutely for a minute.

"You should be more careful who you choose." He sniffed. "It sucks for me to have to meet them."

When you looked up, Negan was no longer standing in front of you. You caught sight of him going back toward the tables where some of his coworkers were sitting. You wiped away the tears that were welling in your eyes and started heading to the booth that was giving out lemonade.