#( so confusing. isnt this like... a hobby )

[strmsrcr]

why are roleplayers so weird, i tell someone that their concept isnt hitting my muse anymore and they send me death threats LMAO

[scummy-writes]

One day i will try and figure out when to post these. I'm slightly worried what I'll do is consistently reference it since I am slowly adding onto it when I have the spoons, but then feel like it's never 'ready' to actually post.

So I'm going to consider making separate posts for each type of bert, and post then after like...10? Hcs are listed on them maybe? And then over time if I add new ones I will just reblog with a note. That may be better.

Forever working on the hcs for the dif types of gilbert I daydream about, but sharing this snippet from the normal gilbert hcs.

[damagedcoda6669]

hiiiii!!!! i was wondering if u could share some of the most common to least common bpd symptoms?….and maybe ones u struggle with??? <:3

ive been thinking i have bpd for awhile,, (since i was 15,i’m almost 18 now) BUT i dont wanna self diagnose bc i don’t wanna offend anyone……is that offensive? to self diagnose? idek <:p

there isnt rlly least 2 most common, bpd is a spectrum and has a wide range of experiences!!! but i will list the diagnostic criteria 4 u, and explain it in a way some1 first learning abt bpd can understand ^w^

u must experience at least 5 of the 9 symptoms from the criteria in order 2 be diagnosed!!!

1: frantic efforts 2 avoid real or imagined abandonment; this does not include suicidal or self mutilating behavior covered in criteria 5.

this means an intense fear of abandonment. if u have bpd, being abandoned by those u love is most likely ur biggest fear. ik its mine!!! xD this can look like a number of things. this can include an avoidant attachment style, pushing ppl away becuz u feel a need 2 abandon them first b4 it happens 2 u. u might do the opposite and cling rlly hard. u might resort 2 manipulation tactics n threats 2 try 2 get them 2 stay even if its not in their best interest (not every1 w bpd does this, and not every1 w bpd doing this is doing it on purpose. ive done this in the past b4 i reflected on my own behavior and realized it was wrong. we r not abusers by default and we dont have bad intentions.) u might beg them 2 stay, promise them things, try 2 change urself 4 them, yell at them 4 wanting 2 leave. its terrifying what the fear might do 2 u.

2: a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by extremes of idealization and devaluation.

this ones pretty simple, consistently unstable relationships throughout ur life!!! but it might get a lil confusing at "extremes of idealization and devaluation", so ill try 2 explain that using a term from the bpd community, "splitting". splitting is when u switch from one extreme view of a person, object, character, pretty much anything, 2 the opposite. it USUALLY means going from loving some1 2 hating them, but it can mean the opposite (hating 2 loving), and it can apply 2 anything, not just a person. a good example of splitting is when ur fp (favorite person, another term from the bpd community) disagrees with u abt smth, or u see them hanging out with other ppl, u mightve viewed them as perfect b4 and now u feel an intense hatred and can only see them as a bad person. 2 other ppl, experiencing such a drastic change in perception over smth so small is seen as ridiculous, but rlly its entirely valid. its part of the disorder, its okay.

3: markedly and persistently unstable self image or sense of self.

u dont rlly know who u r a lot of the time, u dont have a strong sense of identity, if any at all. u might change styles often, change the way u talk, the jokes u make, ur beliefs, ur interests, ur hobbies. u might find urself basing ur entire personality on those around u. a common experience is that when ur favorite person or favorite ppl leave u, u dont know who u r anymore, becuz ur entire sense of self was mirrored from them. its like being a chameleon, but ur constantly mirroring other ppl, and ur nevr rlly ur own person.

4: impulsivity in at least two areas that r potentially self damaging (the examples listed in the DSM-5 include spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, and binge eating, but i will provide moar examples!!!); this does not include suicidal or self mutilating behavior covered in criteria 5.

this ones also pretty simple!!! but personally i find that i become moar impulsive while in a bad headspace, or while im having a bpd episode/suicidal outburst. moar impulsive actions may include property damage, physical fights, running away, cutting contact with ppl, getting in contact with ppl who u know r dangerous, etc. those r all i could think of off the top of my head and they may not be the best examples, srry!!! :(

5: recurrent suicidal behaviors, gestures, threats, or self mutilating behavior.

i would like 2 say that self harm doesnt just mean cutting!!! self harm includes burning, hitting, ripping out hair, picking at skin, stabbing, and many moar. personally ive always been a cutter and i started when i was 9 or 10, but i want every1 2 know that all self harm is valid and this is a safe space 2 discuss it. im not gonna make any1 feel ashamed of it <3 also!!! suicidal threats and gestures may come across as manipulative, but that is almost NEVR our intention. we may act out in suicidal ways becuz its the only thing that gets us any sort of attention or care that we desperately need. i dont give a shit abt "ew theyre threatening suicide 4 attention, lets ignore them" becuz attention is a basic human need, and some1 threatening suicide REGARDLESS of their intentions is always a concern. whether its a call 4 help or not, they need help. dont disregard their mental health becuz their suicidal ideation doesnt present in an "acceptable" manner. all suicidal ideation, IS suicidal ideation. whether its passive, 4 attention, active w a plan, its all valid and requires attention and care.

6: affective instability due 2 a marked reactivity of mood (eg, intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely moar than a few days)

intense mood swings!!! u can feel happy one moment, and then switch 2 being depressed or anxious, and then go back 2 "normal" 10 minutes later. sometimes it just happens 4 no reason!!! absolutely fucking sucks

7: chronic feelings of emptiness.

this one is hard 2 explain and can mean varying things 4 different ppl. 4 me, it means i will never be happy in the long term (maybe with medication, but.. rawdogging life? bad idea) nothing gives me any sort of long term joy and i dont feel like i have a purpose. its like theres a hole in my chest that will nevr be filled. nothing will make me complete.

8: inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (eg, frequent displays of temper, constant anger, or recurrent physical fights)

angy

(also not every1 w bpd gets in2 physical fights or r angry at other ppl often, some ppl r moar angry at themselves)

9: transient, stress related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

paranoia is a symptom of bpd!!! although its shortlived in nature, and as stated above, stress related. dissociative symptoms can also present in a variety of ways!!! u can present with a fractured sense of self which may actually lead 2 u developing headmates iirc, but with them usually appearing as other versions of urself. or u might just dissociate due 2 stress or ur brain wanting 2 remove traumatic memories, 4 me dissociating feels like the whole world is fuzzy and blurry and i cant form any thoughts or emotions. i have dissociative amnesia and experience memory loss when this happens, which sucks becuz i dissociate at least once everyday. my memories r incredibly spotty and unreliable, its liek my brain is made of swiss cheese!!!

personally, i experience all of the symptoms from the diagnostic criteria, and they all effect my life on a daily basis. but that isnt 2 say that u need all of them in order 2 have bpd, as i said b4, u only need at least 5!!! there r also different types of bpd (not medically, theyre labels created by the bpd community) look in2 it if u resonate with some of the symptoms but not all of them!!! a lot of ppl who suspect they have bpd but dont present in a stereotypical way often relate 2 the term "quiet bpd", i recommend looking in2 it!!!

self diagnosis is entirely valid, and most of the ppl who r offended by it r neurotypical or they dont have the disorders that ppl r self diagnosing with. it stems mostly from ableism towards autistic ppl, specifically autistic ppl who self diagnose becuz they know theyre autistic but dont have the resources/time 2 get a diagnosis from a professional. if u believe ur borderline, and u've done ur research, i believe u. self diagnosis is not actually offensive 2 those who have mental disorders, im pretty sure the bpd community is accepting of self diagnosis!!! and if u cant find a community of ppl who r accepting of ur self diagnosis, just know that i believe u and this is a safe space 4 self diagnosis and ppl w bpd :3

bpd is also incredibly hard 2 get diagnosed with. its one of the most stigmatized disorders and often mental health professionals have a bias against it. sometimes, professional diagnosis is not an option 4 us. i knew i had bpd 4 years b4 i was able 2 get diagnosed. good luck!!!!

[reiderwriter]

discard this request if it isnt your style but it might be funny

bdsm and kink culture reader with vanilla spencer. r is being super 🌶 and spencer is not understanding (maybe r teaches him and he gets really into it)

Vanilla Spencer is so fucking funny to me, because given the chance this man could have the most fucked up sexual habits of anyone in the BAU but he also seems like the type of guy who would be like "idk people get murdered with shit like this" you know 😭 anyway, here's the fic, hope you enjoy, anon!

Summary: You want to spice up your bedroom activities with Spencer, but he's just not getting it.

Warnings: BDSM themes, vanilla! Spencer into soft! Dom Spencer, mentions of spanking, some dry humping, dirty talk, daddy kink mentioned. 18+ MINORS DNI

Here's my masterlist and my requests are open!

“Oh, what are you gonna do about it? Gonna spank me?”

“Actually, no study has found physical punishment to have a long-term positive effect, and most studies have found negative effects, with children who undergo physical punishment found to grow up to be more aggressive adults.”

You really weren’t sure what you were expecting from your boyfriend.

So far your sex life together had been pretty vanilla. He was an absolute gentleman, making sure to gain your consent everytime he tried something new. He was soft and sweet, and quite honestly, one of the best you’d had in your life because of how attentive he was to your body language.

But recently, you’d been aching for something a little more interesting, to say the least.

“Oh but I’ve been such a bad little girl.” You try again, hoping that he gets the idea this time.

“You shouldn’t think like that, baby, you know you’re doing a great job at work, and if there’s anything you’re struggling with, we can talk it through, okay?” You want to rip your hair out in frustration.

“No, god, Spencer, I want…” you let out a groan and pick yourself up from your chair, choosing instead to climb into his lap and make it more obvious.

“Do you remember that case we took two weeks back? All the couples had some pretty interesting private lives?” You wrapped your hands around his neck and started grinding down on his lap, hopeful that he’d get the idea.

“The family annihilator that went after couples engaging in the BDSM lifestyle? The one who was so traumatised by the discovery of his parents hobbies that he started murdering couples with families that looked like his own?” He still seemed a little confused but he grabbed your hips, aware of the direction this was heading in, at least.

“Heinous murderer aside, were you not at all intrigued by some of the research we had to do?” You pushed your hips down into his again and again, but now you could feel his reciprocation from beneath his slacks.

“Are you talking about the japanese rope bondage, or the dog leashes, specifically?” Spencer teased you, as his hands started trailing up and down your back.

“Spencer don’t tease….”

“No, I’m really curious, what was it that you wanted me to do first?” Spencer was smirking now, and whilst you were happy he was finally picking up what you were putting down, you weren’t exactly excited to have to voice your needs.

“I want you to….I want you to, ummm…..” Your mind was going blank now, because one of Spencer’s hands was now under your skirt drawing small circles, moving closer and closer to your centre.

“Oh that's right, you wanted me to spank you, right baby?” You couldn’t hold back the moan as you felt him finally touch you where you needed him.

“Oh, you like that idea, do you? Want me to throw you over my lap and ruin your nice little ass until you can barely sit.” You were grinding desperately into his fingers now, wishing that he’d make the final move and push your panties aside.

“Use your voice, baby, you know we can’t go any further unless I hear you say what you want.”

“Fuck, fuck, touch me, fucking touch me now.”

“How about we try saying that a little bit nicer this time?” He makes to move his hand away and you whimper - you actually fucking whimper - at the loss of contact, obviously enjoying this a little bit more than you thought you were.

So you partially blamed your unconscious need for him on the next set of words to escape your mouth.

“Fuck me, daddy.”

His hands stilled completely and your eyes shot open, immediatley looking into his darkened ones.

“What did you just call me?” You felt his hips shift under yours and knew you finally fully had him.

“I called you daddy.” You whispered, your lips moving closer and closer to his, practically begging for some more attention.

Instead, he pushed you off him, and you fell unceremoniously onto the floor while he stood and straightened his clothes.

“I want you on the bed, ass up and legs spread for me. What kind of daddy would I be if I denied my little girl, right?” he smirked down at you.

It was going to be a fun night.

[millenialfanfictionaddiction]

Being Team Japan’s Manager

Manager into crafts

Team Japan x Gender Neutral Manager (they/them)

Warnings: Like all fluff, maybe swearing???

AN: I’m back on my bs again and here to feed everyone 😅 sorry it’s so sporadic but I hope this holds everyone over for a bit!

When I say you should be nominated for sainthood Yn, I mean it!

These guys are a lot to deal with

Honestly, you have no clue how they even functioned before you came along

I mean, the coach practically begged you to be their manager

Man’s is tired 😴

Anyways, it’s safe to say that practices are eventful

Despite’s Bokuto saying he’s “matured”, he hasn’t

“How come Hinata got more sets than I did?” Bokuto asks Atsumu

You 👉🏻😃 crap he noticed-

“It’s simple, Hinata was just on today and you weren’t,” Atsumu responses, walking away

Bokuto 👇🏻

Meanwhile, Yaku and Hakuba are arguing about something 🙄

“That’s block sucked man, stop moving your hands all over!” Yaku shouts

“I wasn’t moving my hands all over, I was setting up for a receive when I knew I couldn’t block!” Hakuba yells back

On top of that Iwaizumi is yelling at Kageyama for practicing too much

Sakusa is complaining about how everyone needs to schedule their flu shot

And Aran has just all but abandoned the gym because he’s just over it

Thankfully, when practice was over, you were able to go home and spend some time enjoying one of your favorite hobbies

Crafting ✂️ 🎨 🧶

You had tried a lot of different crafts and found that you were pretty good at them

Everything from painting to knitting, from sculpting to resin

You enjoyed the creativity that crafts provided

It could be stressful but definitely not as stressful as your day job

Nothing can ever beat that stress 🙄

Anyways, you’d managed to keep your hobby on the down low

It wasn’t that you weren’t proud, it was more like you just hadn’t found the opportunity to bring it up

I mean, it’s not like you’re busy or something 😐

It wasn’t until one fateful night when your happy little secret was finally discovered

You see, you were home, watching/listening to some show while trying to knit

It was a newer hobby you’d picked up, on top of jewelry making, crocheting, etc

A jack of all trades our sweet YN 💅

You are knee deep in ‘knit one purl two’ rhythm when the door bell rings

Now since you had very little life outside the team, you were wondering who it could possibly be

You didn’t want to lose your stitch so you stood up and made your way to the door

On the other side was none other then Hinata and Kageyama

Panicked you quickly opened the door and stared at them

🎶 when he looks at me, and I look at him and he looks at me and I LOOK AT HIMMM 🎶

Obviously, you are draped in yarn while dawning other comfy attire 💅

Arguably two of the most “chaotic” members of the team just stare at you

Literally 👉🏻👁️👄👁️

You look at them like “What? Can’t I have a life outside of being your caretaker?”

Of course Hinata probably thinks you just escaped some maniac who attempted to tie you up with yarn of all things…

“OMG YN WHERE YOU KIDNAPPED??” Hinata yells, grabbing onto your shoulders and shaking you rather violently

“I’m in my own house Shoyo…” you respond, brain trying to reconnect to reality

Leave it to Kageyama to help the situation

“HINATA BOKE YN ISNT KIDNAPPED, THEY ARE PRACTICING THEIR KNOT TYING SKILLS!” Kageyama screams, smacking Hinata in the back of the head

See… helping 😌

Sighing as the two dunces fight in front of you, you try to calmly correct their mistake

“I’m not kidnapped, nor am I practicing any nautical knot tying, I’m learning to knit,” you explain as the two cock an eyebrow in your direction.

Both of them look at each other and then back to you, confused 🫤

You 👉🏻😐🙄

“You know what, it’s really not important! What do you two need?” You question, wondering why you were interrupted in the first place

“Well now I can’t remember why we came here!” Hinata exclaims, “can you Kageyama?”

“Yeah not really,” Kageyama answers

You definitely deserve a pay raise Yn

“Ok well if you two could kindly go home and rest that would be much appreciated. You know how angry Hajime gets when you guys don’t get enough sleep,” you scold as the two men’s eyes widen

They quickly take off, racing each other to who knows where

As you close and lock your door, you think about how the next days practice with go

Will Hinata and Kageyama tell the other guys about your hobby?

Will Hinata and Kageyama even remember?

Honestly you figure brain cells are on your side since the two that just exited your apartment have a combined one on a good day

There’s no way they’d ever tell the guys about your knitting…

Sure… yeah… absolutely… it’s DEFINITELY fine : D

*12 hours later*

“YN I didn’t know you tied nautical knots on your days off? What a unique hobby!” Yaku says, first the next morning at practice

“I didn’t even know you fished Yn,” Hakuba adds

“Maybe YN just likes the art of knot making?” Aran suggests

You 👉🏻 🧍🙄

“I don’t tie knots guys, I knit… KNIT!” You shout as their eyes all pop open

“Knit? As in like what grandmas do?” Atsumu inputs

Please someone 👊🏻

“Atsumu shut up! Knitting is something alot of people do to relieve stress. And with a team filled with dummies like you, I’m sure YN needs all the stress relieve they can get!” Iwaizumi shouts

“Oh my god,” you whisper as the gym fills with chatter

“Why didn’t you tell us about your hobby Yn?” Ushijima asks as you just stare at him and gesture to the chaos that is currently unfolding

Ushijima just nods and quietly walks away to resume his practice

“So YN do you knit? Like scarves or port holders or something?” Suna questions as he walks with you to your office

“Well I’m just learning the art right now but I do a few other crafts in my spare time,” you say, still ignoring whatever is happening on the floor

“That’s cool, you should post some of your crafts online. I’m sure you could sell them or something? Maybe make a little extra money?”

You shrug, not really interested in extra funds and more excited to just do something you enjoy

Or should I say, the TEAM enjoys 😅

Because if you think you’re going to get away with not teaching one craft Yn, you are very mistaken

Hinata is sending you 5 minute craft videos every day

Bokuto wants to know if you can knit special pads for him for practice

Atsumu is asking for a custom “Atsumu” phone case 🙄

It literally doesn’t stop

So what do we do about this? Well there’s only one thing we CAN do 👀

🎉 CRAFT PARTY 🎉

That’s right, you gather all your craft supplies and haul them into the gym one Friday during practice

The guys all stare at you like you’ve walked into the wrong gym

“Uhh Yn you do know this is a volleyball gym right?” Yaku jokes as you set up your table on the side lines and nod

“Yep! But after practice it’s going to be a craft party!”

“Craft… PARTY???” The guys all shout in tones varying from excitement to pure confusion

“Yes since you all want me to make you crafts, I’m just going to show you how to do it instead!” You exclaim

“You made sure to get non-toxic glue right Yn? I don’t trust some of the idiots not to eat it,” Sakusa remarks, staring at a few members in particular

You roll you eyes and smile, “yes Sakusa, it’s all safe! And I have crafts for everyone.”

Surprisingly, the guys are rather good at crafts

Sakusa’s flexibility makes crocheting and knitting a piece of cake

Atsumu’s flamboyant nature makes him great at painting

Hinata and Kageyama have somehow turned bracelet making into a competition

Komori and Yaku are great with stencils!

And you? You are just happy to be able to share your hobby with your favorite people 🥰

[s4tvrnsays]

Finally got around to drawing Élodie! The last artwork i did makes her look scary lol but shes a cutie pie trust me.

Some info about her:

She does ballet. She dislikes it though, and only does it because she’s forced to. She doesn’t want to be under the spotlight doing the jumps and twirls. Rather, she wants to be the one behind the camera lens, the one over the keyboard writing article after article about ballet.

Her hobby is photography. Her parents dont approve, but her older brother helps her out by getting her an early internship at the magazine where he works. Through this internship is where she will first meet adrien.

She’s a mean ass bitch lol. Has absolutely zero friends because she hates everyone at school. Alya specifically hates her the most because when she came up to Élodie to ask her if she wanted to help her with the school paper (since she knows the girl also likes journalism), Élodie just gave her a rude look and walked away, earning alyas scorn ever since haha

This isnt just some quirk, its one of her biggest problems, along with her temper. She sees people as nuisances and beneath her, ignoring the fact that she needs people in her life. Her journey —aided by her kwami— will be to be truer to herself, and learn tolerance and altruism, and be more accepting of people’s friendship.

Her favorite thing in the world is chocolate. Its an actual obsession, something her parents dont approve of (shocker) because she “has to keep her figure”. But she ignores them, and keeps a stash of it on her at all times.

The second picture is what i think she’d look like if she switched her miraculous (Élodie says she hates the bows but the girly girl inside her is jumping for joy).

Alternate Universe details under the cut!

So basically, élodie is from my enhance mlb au thats been spinning in my head recently. It’s basically a mix of early seasons miraculous and concept mlb.

It’s unlikely that this will ever be anything but a concept au bc i have commitment issues but-

Here are the things i changed/added (when it comes to the heroes):

I always thought that lb’s miraculous ladybug power shouldnt be exclusive to her, so i removed it in favor of bringing back her concept powers (the shapeshifting yoyo). In the case of cn, i gave him his old power of black hole because why the hell does he have one power????

But this poses a problem— who will cleanse the akumas? Thats where élodie comes in!

For context, in this au Ladybug and Chat Noir are WAYYYY more chaotic:

Ladybug is still the planner, but her plans are way crazier and confusing to carry out. She gets so caught up in her imagination and idea of a plan, that she fails to consider what might happen if it goes wrong.

Chat Noir is more destructive, more trigger happy with his cataclysm. He finally gets to be free of his dad breathing down his neck and he’ll he damned if he won’t enjoy it!

Élodie as Cigognelle will be the mediator between them. She makes sure the balance is kept, and that they dont blow up the world while theyre trying to save it. That is the purpose of the crane miraculous. It has the power of reguvination and longevity. The balance is preserved, lengthened, and anomalies are corrected.

Its power of increasing its holder’s lifespan made it a favorite of guardians, including Master Fu.

Its kwami, Xiann, is wise and all knowing, often picking his own holders. He sees potential in them, and aids them into becoming true cranes — true upholders of the balance between creation and destruction.

To summarize, here are the big 3’s powers. There will be primary, secondary, and passive powers for each.

Ladybug:

Primary: Lucky Charm, gives the holder clues to help them win the battle. Same as the og.

Secondary: bug bomb/shield/staff. Its in the name, the holder can transform the yoyo into one of these weapons. They can only transform it once each battle, so ladybugs must carefully choose which one will aid them. This doesn’t mean it cant go back to its og form, just that it cant turn into a bomb AND a shield in the same battle.

Passive: grants good luck to its holder. No downsides, ladybugs really are just blessed.

Oh and for fun lets give them side effects.

Side effect: holders become far more tired in the winter, sleeping longer.

Black Cat:

Primary: Cataclysm, destroys anything the holder touches, turning it into dust. Also no change.

Secondary: Black hole. The black cat holder can teleport objects from one black hole to the next. Only two black holes can be present at the same time.

Passive: grants bad luck to its holder. This causes a lot of strife for the holders, but once they learn to accept their miraculous the bad luck will lessen, though never fading.

Side effect: black cats become more nocturnal after becoming the holders of this miraculous, and may or may not have a strange fascination with small, moving objects…. (They have enough self restraint to not chase after them though…)

Crane:

Primary: Ameliorate, which heals all damage caused by unnatural forces, such as kwami powers. However, if the damage from the fight happened too long ago, it will be considered a part of the natural environment, and will only restore future damage up to that point.

Secondary: Gust. Allows the holders to create powerful wind gusts with a flap of their “wings”. Only three gusts can be created each battle (because i had to give this power a downside)

Passive: extends its holder’s lifespan by 20 and up to 40 years. Depending on how long it takes the crane holder to become a true crane, their life span will either increase by a bit (if they learn sooner) or by a BUNCH (if its later).

Side effect: lying becomes way harder, and honesty — especially to oneself — will be all that the holders can say. Also, cranes often find themselves becoming more sociable after gaining their miraculous, which is often a shock since most cranes start of as quite antisocial.

All three can cleanse akumas but only the crane can restore damage !

And thats all!!

This formatting was horrible but i didnt plan any of this, its all word vomit LOL. If you have any thoughts about this, or any way my au can be improved (bc im really trying to make sure all protagonists get equal importance and care, i don’t want Cigognelle to be a mary sue lol) please make a comment! I dont have anyone thinking this up with me, its all from my noggin, so feedback is always welcome!

[m1sa-w1sa]

What do you think about my headcannons for characters who fit this song and who would you add

https://www.tumblr.com/ninjacomix/754842802243928064/but-ill-always-be-watching-cause-im-forever?source=share

(so i havent really listened to it in a while but i feel like blade would be a good choice, and hear me out)

TW:

Yandere Themes, slight talk of gore, Lil angst, not proofread, this is pretty long, brainrot?

Yandere HC for BLADE (Sahsrau and Reincarnation/One sided love au)

REINCARNATION/ONE-SIDED LOVE AU

•Before when you and blade were together, he was, happy something that he cannot say he is now

•He told you not to go out in the blizzard, you PROMISED him that you would be okay… •Your body silhouette, slowly walking towards him, crystal tears, trembling body hurt him •Catching you in his arms wasnt enough, kissing your lips one last time, once he pulled back, your eyes were dull… •Seeing your dead cold body, in the snow, your lips parted and slightly having a blue hue to them made his heart ache •Years, Decades has pasted, his S/O dying hasnt made him the same, until he saw you.. •It was you… his perfect darling.. his pain, his internal debt, washing away once he saw you, no his DARLING •Hes not the one for small talk but ye went up to you, starting up a chat, you two clicked almost immediately! •You wondered how did he know so much? When you asked, he said he ‘ assumed ‘ because he liked the hobbies and interests that you did too •That leading you both to become friends, very good friends, he saw you like his S/O, well I mean.. you ARE his S/O right? •When he confessed, he was thinking you would say yes, just like before, but you didnt. No… no no no! This isnt supposed to happen! Your supposed to love him back! •He left without a trace, you were confused, you tried to get him back but he didnt come back.. •You always felt someone watching you, but you were right, blade kept watching you from the sidelines, haunting you like a ghost •He didnt try to talk to you again… not yet, he waited and waited so long, watching and haunting you like a ghost, like a leopard creeping up on its prey •Any types of dating you tried to have the person would never come, theres something driving them away, was it you? Maybe you shouldnt have rejected blade.. •Seeing you second guess brought a long awaited smile to his face, no a smirk as he would walk up behind you, his hand on your shoulder, The two of you knew, after this, you might not see the light of day again •Maybe you just dont remember! You just need to snap back! Dont worry sweetheart! Your boyfriend will help you! Just like always, soon he will have you in his arms again, only HE WILL

SAHSRAU

•You just started playing Hsr when blades rerun came out, you thought he was pretty! So you pulled on him with your last golden ticket! •Surprise Surprise! You got him, you were so happy, giggling and clapping, when you opened his character menu complimenting him on his looks, voice, weapon, fighting skills, not thinking he heard you… Oh how cute you were… •To say the least, he was surprised when he heard you, he rolled his eyes, he knew what THOSE people thought of him… it was disgusting to him… •But overtime, you staying up hours just to get him up to level, he slowly started to grow attached. When you least expect it he was always watching you, more than you were watching him •He asked silver wolf, half asleep to make his phone be able to chat with yours, she didnt care she just did it asking him to leave so she would sleep •Anytime you would try to pull for someone else, he would always rig it, he thought it was… interesting cute when you were said when you didnt get the 50/50, its alright! You have blade still and you still love him.. right? •When he had ahold of more of your info, selfies, files, now your number he was going internally feral but also more defensive of his phone your HIS no one else needs to know that you exist… •He knows that you still have school/work so he pretended that he was someone that you met at school/work •For some reason, the feeling he has, it makes him feel happy, warm, maybe love? When you screen comes in contact with him, his eyes slightly look to the camera smiling ever so slightly •You thinking it was a easter egg you were smiling back as you were excited as well knowing that made him love you more •IF YOU DESCENDED no one knew, you hardly had any other characters, the only people who had a suspicion was Trailblazer, Dan Heng, March 17, Himiko, Welt, Pompom, Kafka and silver wolf, other than them no one really had the idea •Knowing that just made this easier for blade, just coming up and swooping you into his arms, I mean… you can give him this just one.. right your grace?

[silliest-heartaches]

Ohh my god DRINKKK!! Dude I love them sooo muchhh. I just love imagining them being head over heels for each other yet constantly denying their feelings, because of how they view themselves, yet still finding comfort and solace with each other. They are so. YES. PERFECT. AUGH.

SHARE MORE ABOUT THEM PLEASE!!!

And I love how you use they/them for Ink and she/her for Dream!!

GOD YEAH I LIKE THEM SO INCREDIBLY MUCH... tbh the main reason i started liking them was bc i was thinking abt them and how doomed yuri coded they were and. The worms Wormed in from there,,,,

I actually use he/they and she/they for ink and dream respectively but!!!!!! I love all hcs and interpretations of them for REAL. nonbinary people who are gay as fuck for real,, very inherrently queer ship regardless of how u see either of them i think...heart seeing them as t4t transmasc and transfem forever personally though so thats what i see em as hehe,, also in my head theyre both aroacespec (though the specifc kind varies from au to au though i do consistently see ink as ace and dream as demiaro :>>)

Im not sure how long these will be so...hcs under the cut lol

- okay well while in my mind while error is technically the First Entity ink sees that isnt just a normal entity, dream is like their First. Friend. you know. Like when error first saw him he was screaming and crying for the hills bc it was also his first time seeing another outcode so. that reaction BUT with dream she was more filled with gentle confusion... this is a bit after she unstoned in the apple incident but still was new to au hopping and naive to most danger so they became friends!!! Questionably so.

-to elaborate, when they first meet dream is still stuck on the ideals of toxic positivity and pushing through hardship no matter what... i think this is something they eventually grow out of and dream will eventually learn to see the need for balance eventually but one of their first disputes happens when ink is running low on ink and most of whats left are the Negative Emotions within him alongside the especially strong panic that he usually feels when they get like this... dream would try to comfort him and try to say that itll work out in the end no matter what and that they just need to push through and that itll be okay like normal comforting words because dream is an empath and can sense feelings right,,i feel like its comforting in some cases but when things get Really Bad and especially when the main reserves of feelings that ink has are Negative, they heavily override his normal sense of self and i imagine they get a lot more. Snappy.... theres also the additional hc thingy of ink also really overexaggerating his feelings and overplaying them a lot for the sake of trying to feel more intensely (doesnt work, just drains him faster and will never truly feel natural to him...personally think that ink feels a lot of disconnect from his feelings) which could be considerably offputting to dream (though before adding swap to the group she thought it wass normal because she had only seen the fake pretend nice joy of the village influenced by her aura and not Genuine Feelings)

I think eventually through the years they would learn a lot from eachother...like with ink learning to be more naturally charismatic and dream learning to see past toxic positivity and have his perception on emotions change for the better (ie in learning that having different emotions are okay, so long as there is a balance)

id do alot more hcs but tbh what it boils down to is: toxic codependent yuri. intensely up and down relationship where theres an insane amount of love and attachment but also a lack of self from the both of them because they are only able to see themselves as a Thing to the other. Also exes who turned out to be besties. Thry got together and broke up wayyy before blue (they casually tell him stories about it and for the parts that he does know about he is horrified for.) Oh and they share hobbies and do parallel play alot. dream is more music oriented and can play the cello and flute. ink can play the ukelele but hes more familiar with drawing and painting duh. Also they have a garden. they love growing flowers but their favourites are sunflowers. Also have writing sessions together. Also may/may not also have beautiful princess disorder. (The both of them)

im so sorry this is so incoherrent but erm. yeah im very normal abt them (half of this stuff comes from oc projection the other half is like. Mental illness while in the shower tbh)

[blitzyn]

payback pt.2

venti's gnosis x m!reader

request : none

Synopsis: Despite your mind's protests, your body craved something different.

first part

a/n -> technically this isnt a reader x anyone but its ventis gnosis so... i dont know how to feel about this tbh but i wouldnt say im ashamed LMAO. this suggestion actually reminds me of a childe x m reader fic i read a while ago. i dont remember much but reader was the hydro archon i think and childe fucked the shit out of him lol. and put readers gnosis inside him and took it then left. really shitty description but i cant find it anymore :( lets ignore the fact that using ventis gnosis - or any at all - would hurt pls

wc -> 1.6k

cw -> improper use of a gnosis??, anal fingering, masturbation, harbinger reader, not beta read

You hadn't done much after you boarded the large boat that would send you back to Snezhnaya. You spent most of your time asleep within the confines of your designated room. There wasn't much, but it was definitely better than nothing.

You stared at the ceiling in boredom. There was no current use for you, so you had no way of spending your time. That was one of the things you disliked about being a Harbinger. You were rarely able to develop or pursue hobbies and interests outside your field of work, so when you had free time, you were always unsure of what to do.

You usually resorted to helping one of the others if they needed it (if they were around) - minus Dottore, Sandrone, and Pierro. Tsaritsa knows you would never understand what they do. But you're by your lonesome, now. So it's just you and your thoughts.

You swallowed hard when you thought back to a few days prior to your departure. You tried hard to recall something else, but the memory seemed to persist. With the disadvantage of having nothing to keep you occupied, you were given no choice but to remember the event that took place in Windrise.

Goosebumps littered your flesh at the recollection of the barrage of sensations forced upon your body. The fresh air, the chilled stone against your back, the warmth of the Anemo Archon's body close to yours...

You could feel your face heating up when you remembered the ecstasy he made you feel. In shame or arousal, you didn't know.

You loudly groaned and hid your face within your hands, completely contrasting your professional title as a Harbinger. The memory seemed to appear more vividly the harder you tried to forget about it, which left you in a state of lust and confusion. Pleasure dropped in your stomach like a rock when you slowly began to succumb to the memory's hold.

You dragged a hand down your torso as you let it play over and over again, tentatively placing a hand over your hardening cock to give it a light squeeze. A sigh left your lips as you gently palmed yourself through your clothes, relishing in the mild waves of pleasure that coursed through you.

You rubbed yourself for a few moments longer before you began to crave something more, though you took your time removing the bottom half of your clothes. You were a bit surprised to see a small wet patch already forming through the fabric of your boxers. Maybe the god was right. You must've enjoyed it more than you admitted.

The thought sent the heat of irritation into your chest, making you furrow your eyebrows and grind your teeth. But you had something to deal with at the moment. You could dwell in your anger another time.

You let out a shaky exhale as you finally began to stroke your dick, gathering droplets of precum to make it smoother. It throbbed fervently in your hand, hips lightly jutting upwards. You used your other hand to massage and squeeze your balls.

You subconsciously bit your lip when you began to release quiet grunts and moans. Although you knew the walls were made of the sturdiest and thickest wood in Snezhnaya, you didn't want to risk letting others know what you were doing.

You brought up your other hand and placed two fingers in your mouth to suck on them. Deeming them wet enough, you took them out and hesitantly prodded at your hole. You weren't lying when you said that you've never been the one to be fucked before. But this lack of knowledge wasn't enough to deter you from continuing.

It was a strange sensation now that you were given enough time to actually process it. You were slightly expecting the same burn from before, but was pleasantly surprised to find out that there was none. Slowly, you began moving your fingers in a steady rhythm, getting used to the feeling.

You accidentally let out a loud moan when your fingers brushed up against a small bump, a shock of pleasure running through your body. You continued to press up against it while jerking yourself off. You moved your hands faster, trying to raise yourself up to your orgasm, but you were unable to push yourself over the edge.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, you momentarily paused. You needed to get rid of your erection before the ship docked. You couldn't just leave it and hope that it goes down on its own, and you were far too into this to ignore it.

You looked around your room. There wasn't anything that could help you reach your orgasm.

Slightly turning your head to the left, your eyes were met with the teal Gnosis you had stolen. You pursed your lips and contemplated your next move.

"Fuck it," you lowly muttered and reached for the item. Holding it by the crown, you spat on your free hand and smeared your saliva over it. Before you could give yourself time to think about what you were doing, you began pushing it inside you.

The details on the Gnosis heightened your pleasure, relishing in the way it dragged against your insides. You stroked your cock, rubbing a thumb over the head to spread your precum. You sighed when you finally managed to get it all the way inside you – save for the crown part.

Opening your legs just a bit wider, you pulled it out of you just to push it back in, setting a comfortable pace. You sped up your other hand, the mix of erotic squelching and quiet slaps reverberating through the room.

The familiar heat in your abdomen intensified with each passing second. Your back arched in ecstasy and a sensation akin to electricity ran up and down your spine. Momentarily peering down at the Gnosis, you faintly questioned if the god could feel what you were doing. It was highly unlikely, but one could wonder.

You shifted your wrist holding the item, and it suddenly felt like fire was rushing through your body. You bit your lip harder and heavily breathed through your nose and continued your assault against your prostate. It was hard trying to keep quiet, and you think you would've let your voice out if it weren't for the fact you had your status to uphold and pride to keep.

You could feel your body tensing the closer you got to your orgasm, moving the slightest bit faster.

You were so close. Just a few moments more, and –

"Lord Harbinger," someone said from behind the door. "We will be arriving in an hour."

You ignored them in hopes they would leave it at that, but they seemed to be concerned with your lack of answer.

"My Lord?"

You knew you should've stopped to reply, but you opted not to. Not when you were already so close. Your cock throbbed fervently in your hand, weeping copious amounts of precum for you to rub your palm and thumb over.

It was exhilarating. Knowing that the one behind the door could be persistent enough to possibly hear what you were doing. If they ever did find out, they would no doubt tell their friends and start the wildfire of rumor.

You nearly choked on your spit when your orgasm finally washed over you. You continued to stroke your dick to ride out your high, your cum spurting over your abdomen and hand. You tightened considerably around the Gnosis and found it difficult to move it any further.

"Is everything okay in there?"

You thought they left, already. An annoyed huff left your lips as you rolled your eyes. Pulling the item out of you, you tossed it somewhere on the bed and cleaned yourself with a handkerchief.

The person jumped in surprise when you flung the door open.

"Don't speak to me as if we're friends," you said. A mix of fear and surprise contorted their face as they nodded vigorously.

"My deepest apologies," their voice was weak. "I just wanted to tell you that we will–"

"I heard you."

"Right. Well, then..." they trailed off. With a rushed bow, they hurried away.

You closed the door and turned around to face the bed. You sat down on it and ran a hand through your hair. Now that the overwhelming feeling of lust dissipated, you were overtaken with shame and guilt. You deeply questioned why you would ever do such a thing. Especially when you had to turn it in to Her Majesty.

You grabbed the Gnosis and examined it. It was still slick with your fluids.

You wondered if this was considered very disrespectful as you wiped it with the clean part of your handkerchief. Oh, well. It's not like you're going to see him again any time soon.

Rising from the bed, you put your thick fur coat on and hid the Gnosis within it. The frigid air of Snezhnaya was biting and unforgiving, but years of living in this weather heightened your tolerance for it. You traversed the cold boat in search of a restroom, swiftly entering one when you found it.

You thoroughly scrubbed the Gnosis with your fingers under the freezing water. They were numb by the time you decided it was clean. You dried it off on your coat and stared at yourself in the mirror.

Now you really couldn't let anybody know about this.

cross-posted on ao3

[theosconfessions]

i was tagged by the lovely @nitrozem and @bloomingkyras

oc deep dive with finnie whitmore

What uncommon/common fear do they have? rollercoasters. he LOVES going to theme parks but this one time dusty put him on his first rollercoaster and he swears he almost broke his neck [he didnt hes just embellishing for drama purposes]

Do they have any pet peeves? liars. just a simple liars. hes big on the honesty front. even if it hurts him hed prefer that over something trying to spare any feelings.

What are 3 items you can find in their bedroom? his ps5, his personal pc, and his kitty.

What do they notice first in a person? hes a little vain at first so the first thing he notices about a person is that ass. hes an ass kinda dude BUT afterwards..he has all sorts of red flags kicking up everywhere so hed probably do a quick sweep of the in the clear check list.starting with wedding rings .

On a scale of 1 to 10, how high is their pain tolerance? 9. he gets knocked in the head by flying footballs from his hs kids. gym isnt for the weak.

Do they go into fight or flight mode when under pressure? hes a mix of both. hes reserved but he'll say whats on his mind and then just poof.

Do they come from a big family/are they a family person? he comes from a small family with an older brother and a little sister. really only is close to his mum. as far as being a family person hed never say no to a shopping trips with his mum and they try to make it a monthly thing.its harder on them since he moved a little further away.

What animal represents them best? red panda honestly.

What is a smell that they dislike? theos cologne.

Have they broken any bones? hes broken his arm/ ankle and most recently his nose.

How would a stranger likely describe them? id think they would describe him as a little bit shy of a dude. maybe he can come off stand offish because of that.

Are they a night owl or a morning bird? morning bird! hes my little old young man.

What is a flavor they hate and a flavor they love? He hates that lavender shit.he can be a little bit of an old man but save the lavender flavour for when he loses more of his taste buds.. but loves anything mint :3

Do they have any hobbies? ghost hunting :) ;)

Boom, surprise birthday party! How do they react to surprises? immediate sweat. nothing more but immediate sweat and then trying to act like hes supposed to .

Do they like to wear jewelry? he always wears a rolex dusty got him one xmas.

Do they have neat or messy handwriting? neat :)

What are two emotions they feel the most? lonely and confused

Do they have a favorite fabric? spandex.

What kind of accent do they have?the most louisiana drawl youve ever heard

i am tagging @budgie2budgie @duusheen @gloomymoood @awkwardwhims @riverofjazzsims @invisiblequeen @havenroyals @simvanie and @sirianasims for this and anyone else who wants to do it bc id literally sit here and tag you alllllll

[cursedextrovert]

Yes, and you will understand the OCS isnt just a found family. They are THE found family. We have:

Lilith: the oldest, burnt out, wear people's expectations too long they became expectations she has on herself. Very mean but mostly bark cause she gotta have that mean look to scare people away. Protective but would prefer communicating than force. Unstable.

Mary: second oldest. Learnt from the oldest so she will bark and bite. No bullshiting with her. Very protective.

Yasmine: nerdy, middle child, keep being forgotten at the mall but she doesnt mind, very confused, just happy to be included most of the time, able to have niche hobbies and interesting career because all the expectations are placed on the oldests.

Beatrice: nerdy, second youngest, can be considered somewhat middle child. Crippling anxiety. Fear of abandonment and commitment. Niche hobbies and interests. Sheltered and learned from the older so she will bite and take no prisoner. Quiet so will be forgotten at the mall too(I'm sorry). The "angel" side to Ava, telling her what are and arent wise.

Camila: geeky, too much real life knowledge from the older ones without actually live it so shes a bit chaotic. She knows a lot about how ones should behave but doesn't know how to hide her emotions yet. She likes to be seen and prasied by her sisters. Silent but deadly. She will not be in the front of a fight but will slash your tires afterward and kidnap your dog(only cause she loves them). Will be next to Ava in any shenanigans they pull together and be the opposite of the voice of reason.

Ava: the youngest, very sheltered, keep getting lost after following some sort of bugs, a menace, will pull all sort of pranks on the others and get smacked or tickled the shit out of at the end, always forgiven because she's the youngest. Energetic and extravert. Make friends with everyone. Partake in reckless things and have no concept of riskes(often encouraged by Camila, talked out of by Beatrice and got "she will fall and learn" comment from Lilith and Mary). Fight with Lilith on a daily basis because they're too different in ways of approaching life.

Every dynamics are just heart-warming and adorable and chaotic and full of loving banters. And I eat every fics with them at found family or on a road trip up. I love them so much just thinking about them brought tears to my eyes gosh- what if they just start a whole sitcom with them travelling together in a van like that puppybusby's Discovery fic.

[bennydunbar]

We believe in YB Blog Supremacy!!! With you all the way not playing the game until all the days are released personally (I think it's supposed to be 7?) But I hear constantly on how different Peter is compared to his blog self and it just leaves a gal wonder if she should even bother waiting for disappointment....but then I remember how down bad I am lol here's hoping Fuboo brings back that charm from tumblr YB to the game in the future ;v;

he acts really out of character in the game 😭 in a bad route, he easily snaps at YN. you know how ECSTATIC blog!YB would've been??! he would've taken his time to calm down a shaken up YN. he would've done his best to make sure that they're comfortable.

edit: he started acting ooc in the latest days! but personally him knocking us out so crudely earlier is deffo ooc for me :/

spoiler for the game here!

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.

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i havent even mentioned how anticlimactic it was to have the two of them fuck right after YN just got kidnapped. like,, game!YB has ZERO mood reader 😭😭 ive always thought that he would've wanted his first time to be special 😔

end of spoiler :3

there are some new things they added onto his character that i really like in the game, like how he's picked up a fancy bath hobby. but he's a completely different person than blog!YB, and im well aware that he's supposed to be a villain but i think they could've really sticked with the lore they built on tumblr and really make him fucked up from that. like how his utter adoration for you is completely twisted in the most horrifyingly beautiful ways; how he would be careful with knocking you out, picking the least harmful option to do that. or how every time you push his buttons, and the only reaction he has for you is to blow off steam somewhere else where you aren't around. just a single peck on your forehead as he strides towards the door. he can get mad at anything! anything else but you. he could be admitting his love to you with all the cuts on his body, and he would apologise time and time again the moment he doesn't see the glimmer he was hoping for in your eyes. he's confused, he's so confused that you aren't seeing the pride he quite literally bears for you. but it doesn't matter. what matters now is that you're terrified, and he'd rather die than have you look at him with those eyes again

he's unwell. he really isnt. but the way he's written in the game really bugs me. because it reminds me more of Zade Meadows than himself.

aaa way ive thought of that could pull this game out of the gutter is by having blog!YB actually chained up in game!YB's bunker. all beaten up and bruised, broken bones and more scars than the imposter's. and the moment you find him, game!YB just wonders what's so good about this forgotten, fading, sketch — that you're still playing the game for him.

so anyway ya our man is suffering 😔

[mutsky]

myatb ep 7&8

-ok are both the dad and the twink lackey who gets a bf in the side couple named jinbao/jin bao? bc thats confusing are they different tones/spellings in chinese?

-dont point a sword at a kid :(

-dont hurt hauiens twink only he can do that

-bitten by countless ants is a terrible threat tbh

-ok but look how pretty his shoulders and clavicle are

-he feels his pain :(

-unethical? you torture and kill people!

-i forgot about the arranged hetero wedding

-olivia rodrigo voice DO YOU GET DEJA VU

-poor suyin second lead syndrome is gonna hit him like a truck

-"ill kill him" "i dont think you can" damn ok xiaobao

-"we were friends" WHAT KIND OF FRIENDS

-"anything to repay you" youre gonna go back to your toxic ex

-no idea whats going on rn theyre all just traveling

-ohhh theyre lying i hate the brother henchmen ngl

-possessiveness and jealousy are his super powers 💞

-try him i dare you he thinks his husband is with another man nothing is gonna stop him

-:(((((((

-huaiens no good all bad horrible epidode

-ohhh here comes this bitch

ep 8

-it looks like hes wearing sneakers

-lets wait for him to die 😭

-this stupid ass cure

-oh so all these men can make him sleep easy oh i see

-how does he know the twink

-he asked for the twink in payment 😭😭😭

-"hobbies" you mean gay sex???

-what talents?

-although jinbao isn't intelligent hes pretty 😭

-something is seriously wrong w suyin you wanna be the dom and the cuck? damn

-they are so connected 💖

-"one last thing" thats what you said last time!

-ok so the fun lasted all of 5 minutes

-nosy ass

-oh so we can do little quests for the dahlias

-oh! whats this

-isnt this guy homophobic

-i doubt their kung fu skills

-learned kung fu from him so it is bad

-we will be best friends forever

-"hes my best friend" this guy is everyones best friend sans shaoyu obviously

-FINALLY HUSBAND AND WIFE REUNITED AND THE EP ENDS

-at least im so behind i only have time to wait two days

[sillylittlelemon]

hello :3 i saw in your requesting rules that u do character matchups so i wanna request for one in saiki kusuo no psi nan fandom!!

im 17, she/her, im bisexual (although the matchup can be platonic if u want!!), my mbti is istp-t, im kinda introverted and shy but i can be talkative when im around the right people. im more of a listener. i have social anxiety so i prefer to stay quiet most of the time. i like making people happy so i try to do everything i can to make someone as comfortable as they can get but that usually turns me into doormat 😭 uhmm for hobbies i love to read mangas/novels and watch animes. i dislike public spaces and being forced to socialize? sorry idk what else to say 😭😭😭

You're all good Anon ❤️🫂🫂

This is my first matchup so it'll be a learning curve- so basically just have patience with me lol

I can honestly really see you being in a relationship with Saiki, it would obviously be a slow burn but i feel like with the characteristics you listed+Saiki's abilities it would be highly likely.

For example: after being 'sort of friends' for a bit Saiki would start stepping in if you let yourself be walked over. He would be subconciously keeping track of your thoughts and when he realizes what youre saying isnt matching with your feelings when youre agreeing to plans that dont actually want to go to Saiki would step in and be like 'did you forget that we're (insert random plan)' to give you a chance to 'politely' decline without feeling bad (he doesnt actually make you hold up to your fake plans) (unless you want to). And after a few instances of this you start to catch on that he's geniunly sticking up for you.

Im in a rush right now and i KNOW i'll forget about this later (because tbh i already forgot about it once) so if you want more in-depth headcannons you can request? Somethin' like 'hey im the anon from the saiki matchup, i was wondering if you could expand on your thoughts' or smth i dunno sorry i get really formal when im confused/nervous (and also angry but i promise im not angry lol)

N-E-ways, love you Anon and thank you for the request, they always brighten my day ❤️❤️❤️🫂🫂🫂

A/n: Reblogs are always appreciated but mever required ❤️

[swag-system]

look at this 🦩 Okok 21 35 40 47 48

🦩holy🦩fucking🦩shit🦩theyre🦩multiplying🦩help🦩me🦩 btw thx for the ask sorry it took me a bit to get to it i was busyy blehh but THANK YEW for so many questions. im playing and having fun

21 Do symptoms of neurodivergencies/mental illness tend to manifest the same way or differently among headmates? it can definitely vary for different headmates!!! we def have some alters that have like. worse depression or worse anxiety or worse addiction(MIKE.) we basically play into the strengths and weaknesses to function. like for example we were abt to freak the fuck out in the car bcs someone was fronting that could NOT drive safely so we dragged José to front bcs he loves driving and he got us home safe

35 Do you tend to have collective or separate interests and hobbies? it sorta depends!! we all generally vibe with the same stuff but different alters will like different stuff more than others. like we will all vibe with total drama and half life and idogs and furbies and plushies and lps but theres some alters that are more "meh. its cool" and some alters that are "i would kill a man for idogs. i will talk about idogs for 6 thousand years. please talk about idogs to me". same goes for hobbies like we have some alters that draw a TON and some alters that might doodle sometimes but are only a bit into it. tl;dr we all like the same stuff but different alters like stuff to different levels :]

40 Do you have a singletsona? our old host herb is both an alter and kind of our singletsona. when were masking we default mask as herb, which is funny considering he is currently not fronting but its just what we default to!! i will say we only rlly mask at work tho, everyone knows were a system and we dont do much to hide it!! even offline!!! our family and sometimes even coworkers are well aware of our systemhood. we dont see it as something to be ashamed of or to hide and weve found treating it like a casual thing and no big deal also helps other people to understand without being alarmed. oftentimes we have to answer lots of questions but hell were literally doing system ask games rn we clearly do not mind answering questions. in the end singletsona and masking is only really used at interviews and situations we need to be careful in. otherwise this is no secret to anyone!!

47 Do you experience system-related amnesia? ohhh yeah we do. lots of it. our communication isnt the worst but we have a long way to go FOR SURE!! were working on it bit by bit every day but we definitely still have lots of moments where things are confusing and theres a lot of lost time and memory gaps

48 Share something weird a headmate has done! countless fucking things but to limit it to one i gotta go with that time we split a mark hoffman introject who was so fucking confused and the first thing he thought to do was grab one of our pocket knives and carve the shittiest spiral ive ever fucking seen and the words "fuck you mandy" on our door. like the door we use every day. the door that we should not be CARVING SHIT INTO. worst alter 0/10 the door still has the carvings and we just kinda have to live with it now

[cannibal-nightmares]

semi-incoherent babbling

terminal velocity. I'm trying to reamin hoepful and keep the arrow in my mind straight, to pretend normalcy, but he mentioned i might be burnt ou t and he is aboslutely correct. i have too much on my plate. I regret to say that my hypothesis on my trip was correct in that i figured it was going to be a throw of the parking brake only for the lurch forward once it was let off again. dgmw im glad I did it and Im glad I went, but it felts like temporarily ejecting a tape i had to inevitably put back in, in terms of attempting to soothe my focus. and i dont mean "too much" as in mild annoyance in my circumstance or of fun things and plans that i can just move around and cancel, I mean "too much" to the point of feeling o nthe edge of defeat w no way out. I'm struggling to reply to people appropriately or at the very least to a capacity I would prefer to would otherwise intend (in timing or pattern or depth or without mask). I have so much of work and personal work, I try to fall to hobbies and art as an escape but evern thinking about personal endeavours makes my ears ring. its not anyone's fault, it's all just become a lot and then some and more. I keep thinking about three things: "ceci n'est pas une fucking drille," Han-Tyumi's "critical density," and the "& Secure" comic strip wehre they're at a traffic light.Thinking about work makse me feel sick, thinking about going out this weekend makes me dizzy, thinking about finishing new art makes my throat uncomfortable, trying to talk to people is like sludge. its not anyones fault; i dontn owe anyone here anything. or anyone really. this life has been feeling more and more like a video game and every day I feel more and more confused as to why I dont just play a different game. and i dont just mean "work vs hobbies"--that would fit the metaphor in that i *could* "just" play something else--but i mean basic functions and further basic circumstance. i have to sleep? xyz? what a disappointing game mechanic when the difficulty setting is already jacked. and before i get pinterest advice, i should clarify: i dont know what relaxing is. i know that sounds dramatic, but i dont. I've discussed it before, but "winding down" doesnt make sense to me. It either is or it isnt;y. So what do i do? I cant tell if I'm genuinely asking or if its rhetorical. maybe i should try picking up skating again but i know how and why that ends every time. thats the only thing i can think of that can brute-force myslf out of my own head. though, thn, begs the question: with what time?

i do hate to whine cause theres nothing anyone can do do about it. but i digress, i do feel i owe him and that ive disappointed him. I know he'd/he'll argue against it, but if I am disapointed in myself, he is autmatically encompassed in that cocophany within my own perspective. idk if that makes sense at all. it just seems that the second i pause to think about anything other than work/duty, i realize how loud my ears have been ringing,. and I still have a long way to go. I question, i suppose, if I will spend my rest--once i finally get it--recovering rather than enjoying. it always ends up this way and, honestly, it doesnt feel like its my fault. and that just makes me enraged with nowehre to go with it.

this must be how altamont felt, hm? im writing this to just say, if i vanish its because i need it. it's because i need it.