#( report for the day )

[indigo6f00ff]

need to share an experience i had 30 minutes ago

(edit: thanks to @walks-the-ages for providing and reminding me to put alt text, sorry it slips my mind alot lol)

[kensatou]

“you dropped your dead bear": a love story

[zoe-oneesama]

I don’t know what you were expecting babes.

Episode 51 Part 5 First < Previous > Next Season 1, Season 2, Season 3, Season 4, Season 5 Ep 41, Ep 42, Ep 43, Ep 44 Ep 45, Ep 46, Ep 47, Ep 48, Intermission, Ep 49, Ep 50

Ko-fi | Patreon

[homoquartz]

in case you were curious, dead boys did achieve charting again! and i do indeed find it very funny.

[verstappentime]

p.s. this is no shade but mclaren didn't do the one stop because they COULDN'T, not because they weren't smart enough strategically to think of it. both drivers ate their front left tire and could not keep going. they tried to ask oscar to do a one stop and he said no. the reason charles won is because he is talented, and because his team had faith he could keep the car on track with 38-lap-old tires because he has been so incredible managing his tires this year. he won because he didn't incur that degradation, because he chose very specific methodical paths to balance the car equally on both front wheels and to get the rear straight in the turns, bc bryan was brilliant and coached him through all of it. mclaren did not "hand him" the win with a mistake. he won because he is an incredible driver. i think we forget because mclaren has the best car that charles has always been far and above the pack in terms of talent, barring a couple drivers. he's not just some guy in an inferior car. he's il predestinato and he earned it

[cat-cosplay]

"Once a year, the eyes of the nation turn to this tiny hamlet in Western Pennsylvania to watch a master at work. The master? Punxsutawney Phil, the world's most famous weatherman, the groundhog."

[teaboot]

Someone in this office just asked me how my day was going

And I said

Out loud

"If I have to deal with one more idiot today I'm going to punch them in the neck"

And they didn't laugh

So I walked away

Guys

Why did I say that

Why would I say that out loud

I'm a security guard

I'm going to lose my job

[izzystizzys]

TW: discussion of something approximating suicidal tendencies but with the usual crack programming of this blog

“Ah, High General Windu”, says Fox, pleasantly. “So we meet again.”

High General Windu raises an unimpressed eyebrow at him, Fox thinks, though it’s getting hard to tell with all the blood rushing to his head. “If I let you go, will you try to throw yourself out of another window?”

Fox makes a vague shrugging motion - or tries to, anyways. It’s hard to tell where any of his limbs are going, hanging upside down in the air as he is. “I am willing to discuss terms.” A bridge will do just fine.

Impossibly, the High General’s eyebrows climb even further up his forehead. “A compromise, then, esteemed Commander.” And so, he righths Fox the head way up in the air, but leaves him floating just above the ground, at which point several painted shells come skidding around the corner followed by billowing robes and screeches.

“WHAT”, says Kote, calmly, “THE BANTHA-KARKED, FORCE-LOVING KRIFF, FOX.”

“You’ll short out your helmet mic”, Fox advises him, sagely. Fondly, he thinks back to decimating his own on only his second time in the newly-christened official Coruscant Guard Scream Closet. He’d just received the comm about the Zillo Beast being transported to 000, and made sure to take his bucket off thereafter to improve the quality of his closet time.

High General Windu’s face does something complicated between sympathy and constipation.

Because the Galaxy doesn’t hate Fox enough already and Cody wasn’t enough on his own, Wolffe elbows his way through their batch to plant himself in front of him, shoulders squared and shaking with repressed rage. “If you try that again, dickhead”, he begins, in a low growl that quite frankly sounds more cringe that intimidating, “I’m going to resurrect you and then kill you again.”

“Ah, Wolffe”, Plo Koon says, in his deep, shivery timbre, “Remember our conversations about effective conflict resolution and communication of needs?”

Wolffe’s eyes narrow at Fox, because all non-Guard are sweet summer children who walk around buckets off on 000 like absolute lunatics. Fox prays they never have to find out why that’s a bad idea. “I feel”, his ori’vod presses out between clenched teeth, “that if you make me watch you throw yourself out of another window, I’m going to jump after you and strangle you on the way down, you little bitch.”

“That’s fair”, says Fox, and watches High General Kenobi bury his face in his hands. Wolffe twitches in place and makes an aborted groaning noise, the hypocrite.

“Excuse me, High Marshall Commander Fox, but I fail to see what’s so dire about this situation that the Jedi High Council and your brothers cannot help you solve”, says Windu, the only sane one left on this Force-forsaken bloated corpse of a planet. Behind the gaggle of Jedi and ori’vode already gathered in front of Fox, the rest of them come veering around the corner in a commotion that’s quite frankly embarrassing. High General Yoda is mounted on Skywalker’s back like he’s a race-Eopie, which is Fox’ only consolation.

He got up this morning at 0300, bleary-eyed and with a pounding headache as always, and all was right in the world. And then Fox got called into the Jedi High Council’s chambers and was ceremoniously informed that in the wake of Chancellor Palpatine’s unfortunate demise (hah), and through the emergency state of the Senate, as well as several invented promotions foisted on Fox to make the delegation of any and all paperwork less shady, he was now next in the chain of command and-

Well, Fox is the acting Chancellor, in short.

Haha, he had said, and been meet with several seconds of silence, until it got both awkward and exceedingly painful. Wait, he’d said. You’re kriffing serious.

Kriffing serious, we are, had said High General Yoda, and thus Fox launched himself out the first best window with a maniacal cackle of, you’ll have to catch me first!

And catch him, High General Windu sure did.

“The will of the Force this is”, Yoda interrupts Fox’ train of thought. He scans him thoughtfully from beneath his wizened brow, and hems to himself. “Shake things up, this will. Determine the fate of the Galaxy, this shall. A feeling, I have, that a good Chancellor you will make. A better one, hmmm.”

“That’d be high praise, if not for the fact that a dead lemming would make for a better Chancellor than the last one”, says Fox, drawing and indignant gasp from Skywalker. He doesn’t bother with either that or the green goblin’s cackle, lost in the deep sense of resignation that settles over his shoulders like a suffocating blanket.

“Alright, then, get me Thorn on the comm. As my first act in office, I’m firing all the Jedi. No offense, but you’re kind of a disaster. Then, someone get me to the Chancellor’s office, I’m calling Dooku to let him know the war’s off. And please get me Judicial, they’ll be up all night working on my datafolders - I’m having the Senate arrested.”

“Who - is - arresting - “, Bly pants, hands on his knees from where he’s just come sprinting around the corner with his Jedi.

Underneath his bucket, Fox smiles a smile that’s all teeth. “The Senate”, he says, sweetly, wondering if he’s just imagined the shiver that’s gone through the room. “I’m suing the Senate, and taking them all into temporary custody for abuse of sentient rights.”

[nelkcats]

Roomba

Honestly Danny would be the first to admit that trying to overshadow anything after the Technus incident was a bad idea. But he was also a very bored teenager, visiting a strange city at the request of his older sister so, can you blame him?

It had seemed like a fun idea to the halfa the moment he saw a small roomba in a store window in Gotham. It didn't look like many wanted to buy it but it was there anyway.

So yes, Danny could admit that it was all a strange combination of his boredom and lack of sleep because before he knew it he had overshadowed the damn roomba, causing the light above it to glow bright green.

It was just luck that some of his powers worked, because he made it through the store window with no problems, and had some fun chasing the denizens of Gotham all over the place.

It wasn't so much fun when he realized he was stuck inside the roomba; or when some people started to look at the machine curiously, trying to catch it.

He managed to escape with some luck and set about being a real nuisance to anyone he came across, including the clown laughing like a maniac and the live scarecrow, because well, what other option did he have besides waiting for it to sort itself out?

It wasn't long before the bats heard the report of "a roomba on the loose" in disbelief. Dick wondered if Alfred would appreciate them bringing the machine to the mansion to help him with cleaning.

[whimsyprinx]

“people who don’t block and report bots are why they’re still here” actually staff not properly dealing with them theirselves is why the bots are still here, not people who got tired of having to block and report several bots a day

[expelliarmus]

[roseworth]

lost days jason making dozens of burner accounts on different forums and posting conspiracy theories about how bruce wayne murdered his son with proof about holes in his story. then he has to stop because talia finds out and takes away his computer privileges

[ttsquid]

HOT PINK PRINCESS BERRYBOO SQUIDDLE BASS AVALIABLE NOW ONLY $599!!!!!!!!

[venelona]

Why does my arblock always turns into this

Based on idea by @sunsetsushiii of port mafia cleaner Atsushi running into the same corpse

[introspectivememories]

street interviewer: what's your type?

tim who's just trying to get to work: i have a boyfriend

street interviewer: so what's your type then?

tim: my boyfriend

street interviewer: and what does he look like?

tim who will absolutely gatekeep bernard from the general public: he looks like my boyfriend

street interviewer: so what would you rate me out of 10?

tim: um i can't do that

street interviewer: can't rate me at all?

tim: i can't rate you at all

street interviewer finally realizing that this is going absolutely nowhere: what would you rate your boyfriend out of 10?

tim smiling stupidly: he broke my scale cause he's so beautiful

[swampthingking]

andrew’s definitely gotten in trouble with his pr manager for tweeting things along the lines of:

“no mania inducing medication will compare to the euphoria i will feel the day donald trump drops dead”