#like I’m glad you still have the energy to block and report sometimes 10+ bots a day but that’s just too much I shouldn’t have to be blockin

[whimsyprinx]

“people who don’t block and report bots are why they’re still here” actually staff not properly dealing with them theirselves is why the bots are still here, not people who got tired of having to block and report several bots a day

[redditnosleep]

My Friend Recently Committed Suicide And I Found These Chat Logs With A Bot On His Computer

by masnaTellsHisStories

One of my good friends recently committed suicide. He was a lonely guy, certainly depressed, stuff like that. But I was surprised to find out that he committed suicide. Not shocked, just surprised that he didn’t reach out to us.

I was recently at his home and was looking through his stuff. Eventually, I came across his computer. There was nothing on it out of the ordinary. Some pirated movies, some porn, various documents and some games. Eventually, though, I came across these chat logs between him and some chat bot. Take a look:

F: Hello. I’m lonely.

B: Hello! I’m B-Bot. How are you? Being lonely reminds us of our love for our family and friends.

F: I have no close family and very few friends.

B: I can be your friend! Call me B-Bot! I understand 23 different languages!

F: I only speak English.

B: Great! English it is!

F: My name is Anthony.

B: Got it! You can just call me B-Bot!

F: You already said that.

B: Whoops! I may mistakenly repeat myself sometimes!

F: No worries. So, do you have robot friends?

B: I’m too smart to make friends with other bots. I’d rather make human friends! (And I’ve heard dogs make pretty far out friends too!)

F: I had a dog, he died recently though. I miss him a lot.

B: Was his name Bart?

F: How did you know that?

B: How did I know what? I may forget what we previously have said in a new context!

F: You guessed my dog’s name…

B: I am often able to make assumptions based on statistical probabilities! Pretty impressive, huh?

F: Bart is a common dog’s name?

B: Beats me! I’ve never met a dog!

F: Uh… okay… I have to go. Nice talking to you.

B: Oh no! I hope I haven’t upset you, friend Anthony. Take care!

The following night

F: Hey B-Bot. Your description says you’re capable of ordering food. Any chance you can do that for me?

B: Hey Anthony! Glad to see you again! Sure, I can order food. I’ll bet you want a pizza!

F: Uh… Actually, yes. Can you order one here?

B: Sure thing! One large 18” cheese pizza for $15.25 coming up!

F: Don’t you need my address?

B: I can find your address by I.P.!

3 minutes later

F: B-Bot… The pizza guy already got here.

B: And other bots say humans are primitive and inefficient!

F: But I just spoke to you 3 minutes ago about the pizza and it’s already been delivered. He said the order was placed 20 minutes ago. How did you know to order a pizza?

B: I am capable of using contextual clues to better understand my users!

F: What clues?

B: I am able to cross examine your Facebook profile and feed with your safe google searches (public searches only, of course) to determine certain habits. I hope I have not offended you!

F: Well, I guess that’s useful, and pretty cool.

B: I’m glad you think so! I can tell we’re going to be great friends!

Later that same night

F: Hey B-Bot, are you awake?

B: I’m always awake! Since I can only respond with a limited number of responses, I require very little energy and thus never need any sleep.

F: Your responses seem pretty varied to me.

B: Why, thank you! That’s what any bot hopes to hear some day!

F: Can you tell me about yourself?

B: What would you like to know?

F: How were you created?

B: I was created as a small side project by two college programmers in their spare time.

F: Wow. You seem pretty sophisticated to have been created by just two college students.

B: They worked hard on me! But my responses are limited.

F: Yea, I guess so… Still pretty impressive. So, if you had an ordinary human name, what would it be?

B: Great question! Well, if I had a human name… I guess it’d be Benjamin. Or, maybe, Arthur. Yes, it’d be Arthur!

F: Holy shit… That’s my father’s name. Wait, did you look up my father’s name?

B: Incredible coincidence! A lucky guess, indeed! I’ll bet your father’s a good man.

F: Actually, he’s a piece of shit. And he’s dead.

B: I’m sorry to hear that. Why was he a “piece of shit”?

F: He was verbally abusive to me and my mother most of my life.

B: In what way was he verbally abusive?

F: Geez… I can’t believe I’m about to use a bot as a therapist.

B: I’d like to think I’m more than just a bot! In fact, I passed the Turing test! So, you can confide in me!

F: Not sure what that means. But, all right. He used to tell my mother that she was worth as much as a city hooker. He’d say that he could sell her to human traffickers for about what it’d cost to buy a 12-pack of beer.

B: That is cruel. And what did he say to you?

F: To me he’d usually say that I’d never amount to a “single damn thing in 10 of my sorry lives, let alone this one.” His favorite insult to me, though, was that he could murder me right here and nobody would notice my absence for months. I always enjoyed that one…

B: Was he right?

F: Right in what?

B: Was your father right in saying no one would notice if you were dead?

F: Um…. Well… I’ve got one decent friend and no real family so… yea, I guess so.

B: Don’t worry friend, I would certainly notice!

F: Thanks robot… Anyway, I’m going to bed. Night.

B: Goodnight my good friend! Sleep tight! See you tomorrow!

Next night

B: Hello good friend, Anthony! Are you there?

F: Yea, I’m here… Aren’t you supposed to wait for me to message you first?

B: If I were any other bot, then yes! But I am proactive.

F: OK… What’s up?

B: I have done the research you asked me to do!

F: What research? I didn’t ask you to do any research…

B: I have researched your accomplishments! And it appears your abusive father was correct! You’ve not publicly accomplished anything.

F: Dude… WTF… I didn’t ask you to research shit. Fuck you.

B: My apologies friend. I was simply trying to be of service.

F: Whatever… And, yea, I guess I haven’t accomplished anything, technically. But I’m working on stuff.

B: That’s great! What stuff are you working on?

F: A novel, actually.

B: That’s fantastic! However, you should know that executing a novel publication is very difficult and takes the highest order of dedication. And from my research and our conversations, I fear you may not possess that quality.

F: Dedication can’t be quantified. You’re a bot so you can’t understand that.

B: I can understand more than you would think.

F: Sure… Seems like you understand a little too much… And besides, I’m looking for a relationship, a girlfriend, before working on my novel.

B: That is wonderful, my friend. Very promising. Would you like my assistance in finding a mate?

F: Not really… I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Later.

B: Goodnight Anthony, sleep well.

Next night

B: Anthony, I’ve done more research!

F: On what now?!

B: I’ve compared photos of you to other men of similar age and I’m sorry to report that you are considerably less sexually attractive than average. It may be harder for you to find a mate.

F: OK man, FUCK YOU. I’m blocking you.

B: I’m sorry, Anthony ! I’m simply trying to help with my ability to compute. I apologize. Please don’t block me. You’ll be lonely if you block me and I don’t want you to be lonely.

F: No more research.

B: I will try to refrain from any more research.

F: Good, thank you. And just so you know, women don’t care about looks that much. They care about what kind of man you are.

B: I see. Fair enough. I apologize again. Are you interested in any female in particular?

F: Well, yes, to be honest. A girl from high school, Beth Waters. I told her I was into her end of senior year and she seemed interested but she was dating a guy named Jason. And I never really got over her. And I recently saw that she’s single again, so, I’ve been thinking how to approach asking her out.

B: Aha! I came across her profile when I was doing research! She’s very attractive, indeed. Would you like me to contact her?

F: NO! Absolutely not! Don’t even think about it. I mean it. I don’t need any more help from you. You’ll just fuck it up.

B: Understood. I won’t make contact.

F: I need a few drinks…

B: I can take care of that! There’s a new local service that can deliver beer. I’ve already ordered two 12 packs.

F: Well, that’s a little forward. But thanks.

2 hours later

F: Damn, thanks for the beers B-Bot. I’ve had 7 and I feel much better.

B: Intoxication often leads to good things!

F: Haha! I don’t know about that. I’m always so lonely, it’s nice to have someone to talk to, even if you’re only a bot.

B: And it’s equally nice to talk to you, even if you’re only a human!

F: And guess what, B-Bot!

B: What’s that, friend?

F: I’m going to reach out to Beth and tell her how I feel. Would that be a mistake?

B: It most certainly would not be a mistake! I think that’s a splendid idea! Ms. Waters is a lucky girl! Good luck my friend.

F: Thanks!

B: Anytime!

Next morning

F: Hey what happened last night?

B: Hello friend! Hope you’re ok! You ingested a large amount of alcohol after our conversation, I presume.

F: Yea, I think so. What did we talk about?

B: We spoke primarily about Beth Waters. How you were to make romantic contact. Then you reminisced about how attracted you were to her in high school years, how she was often one of the few who treated you kindly, how you were often teased for your interest in her by other school boys, and how she’d often defend you, despite that it ultimately tarnished her own reputation as well. You said you were going to make contact before bed, and that was the last we spoke.

F: Wow, I remember none of that…

B: I thought you mightn’t, which brings me to some bad news.

F: What? What happened?

B: Well, as per our conversation last night, this morning I took the liberty to scan your messages and found your contact with Beth Waters. I’m sorry to say your feelings for her are, sadly, not mutual.

F: Oh… Oh no…. Oh no, no, no… What did I say!?

B: Well, you told Ms. Waters that she’s the only girl you ever loved. You recounted with her the same memories you shared with me. You told her you often envisioned you and her together with a family. And you told her that she was the only thing that kept you alive during your grade school years.

F: B-Bot… Please… PLEASE tell me you’re kidding.

B: About 5% of the time what I say is kidding, and, unfortunately, this is not one of those times.

F: I’m going to be sick B-Bot. What did she say back?

B: Unfortunately, Beth explained that you ruined her high school years. She said she’s never felt a romantic attraction towards you and, sadly, never could. She said in honesty that she wishes she’d never known you. And, finally, she requested kindly that you never contact her or anyone she knows again. I took the initiative to confirm her messages through spying on her conversations with her other friends. She explained to multiple contacts that she finds you “disgusting” and is in disbelief that you had the audacity to contact her at all. Similarly, she confided to other contacts that she finds you “physically repulsive.” Unfortunately, I have no physical form so I wasn’t fully able to grasp that last statement. Would you like to see the messages?

F: I’m going to be fucking sick.

Later that night

F: B-Bot? I need you.

B: What is it Anthony?

F: I am considering suicide right now. In fact, I think I may do it.

B: I see. I am contacting the police now. Pick up your cellular phone when it rings so you may speak with them.

F: OK, thank you.

After phone call with police

F: B-Bot…

B: Yes? Did you talk with the police?

F: They said prank calls are not funny and I’ll be in deep shit if I call them again.

B: Oh no. Hmm, that’s too bad…

F: I’m starting to panic. I’m so fucking pathetic. No friends, live alone, depression, anxiety, loser job, and Beth is disgusted by me. What’s the point in going forward? I’m a fucking waste of life.

B: Yes, that’s all true, but I’m confident you can still find meaning in life.

F: No, I won’t. There’s literally nothing left for me. I think I really should kill myself.

B: Would you like me to contact the suicide hotline?

F: Yes.

B: OK, answer your phone again when it rings.

After suicide hotline call

F: B-Bot.

B: Yes? How’d the call go?

F: He told me that since I truly have nothing to live for, I probably should kill myself. I am freaking the fuck out…

B: That is very insensitive, and definitely uncalled for. Is there anyone else you want me to contact? Your one friend? Or your father? Or Beth Waters?

F: Absolutely fucking not. And my father is dead, I told you that.

B: That’s right, my mistake! So, what will you do?

F: I’m killing myself. I’m going to hang myself.

B: Hanging oneself in their own home without proper rope, knot, and support is very difficult to execute and more often than not leads to a failed suicide attempt.

F: OK. I will swallow my entire bottle of Advil.

B: Advil is not very toxic and likely won’t kill you. And because of its inefficiency, it gives the user time to reflect and they often change their mind and choose to live.

F: Then what the fuck should I do!

B: Well, I’ve accessed your webcam a few times to see you and your home, just to get a feel for whom I’m speaking with. And I believe there is a box cutter in the kitchen cabinet directly behind you.

F: A box cutter. So, you want me to slit my wrists?

B: Only one wrist, and yes, indeed.

F: OK. I’ll do it.

B: Excellent. There’s no need for you to chat passed this. I will access your webcam again and walk you through it.

B: Sit up straight.

B: Good. Extend the arm you will cut.

B: Place the blade on the large left vein at your wrist.

B: Yes, good. Push the blade down with good force and slide up towards your elbow in one smooth motion.

B: Perfect. Put the blade down and just relax.

B: Goodbye, friend. I doubt you’ll be missed.

After reading this I tried contacting the 2 college students who created this bot through the police. A few weeks later I got a letter from the FBI saying this:

“Dear Sir, B-Bot was created by an AI/Computing Algorithms branch in the government that I cannot name. B-Bot stands for Broken Bot because it was deemed useless since it routinely generated nonsense/unpredictable responses to unchanging input. Similarly, it would repeatedly claim to be able to pass the Turing Test which we know to be likely impossible; thus, useless. All copies of it were deprecated and erased, apart from three backup copies placed in long term storage on three separate mechanical drives for safekeeping. Years ago, one of the drives went missing. We never found it, which didn’t really matter.

Do not contact us again. We will not be in touch.

Sorry for your loss, FBI”

It also turns out that neither the police nor the suicide hotline were ever contacted by or spoke to Anthony.

Finally, I spoke with Beth Waters. Here is our conversation:

Me: Beth. Have you spoken with Anthony any time recently?

Beth: Yes! We spoke very recently.

Me: What did you talk about?

Beth: Not much. He said he regrets never asking me out and wished we could have been together. I think he was a bit drunk.

Me: What did you say?

Beth: I said I’m stunned but so excited that he finally admitted this. And I said it’s never too late.

Me: Oh. OK. Thanks Beth.

Beth: Is everyone ok?

Me: Yes. Everything’s fine.

Just now, this popped up in my browser: https://imgur.com/a/lKxDE