#also that video definitely makes it back to his siblings who mock him endlessly on twt

[introspectivememories]

street interviewer: what's your type?

tim who's just trying to get to work: i have a boyfriend

street interviewer: so what's your type then?

tim: my boyfriend

street interviewer: and what does he look like?

tim who will absolutely gatekeep bernard from the general public: he looks like my boyfriend

street interviewer: so what would you rate me out of 10?

tim: um i can't do that

street interviewer: can't rate me at all?

tim: i can't rate you at all

street interviewer finally realizing that this is going absolutely nowhere: what would you rate your boyfriend out of 10?

tim smiling stupidly: he broke my scale cause he's so beautiful

[fae-redux]

im stuck on you

S: People usually find their soulmate by following their heart (the closer you are to your soulmate, the warmer you’ll feel). Remus has been pining for so long, he doesn’t know how to handle himself.

P: dukeceit

happy birthday, @littlemisschameleon!! it’s corona and i can’t give you a physical present so have some dukeceit soulmate au!! i hope you like it :D (here’s an ao3 link if yall like that formatting better)

***

Remus sends the letter because Roman’s teacher thinks a penpal will help him learn English. Also, because Roman thinks it’s stranger danger and won’t. 

If he gets kidnapped, at least there’s a chance for his heart to feel warmer whichever direction his kidnapper goes. Fact remains, he’s freezing and bored and he’d do pretty much anything to not be.

He neglects to say that in the letter. 

His penpal instead receives the gift of approximately two full pages of fun facts about different species of mushrooms and how fast they can decay different animals. It’s pretty well written, if he says so himself, and it’s all in English because he’s polite, not because it has to be.

Any who, Ms. Andrea says she’s not going to read the letters before they’re sent, and Roman is only required to send one at a time, so Remus signs it with his own name and lets it go.

He doesn’t expect the letter he gets back to be so nice.

His penpal’s name is Janus and he doesn’t like to eat mushrooms unless they’re in fried rice, but he loves how mushrooms look.

There are little mushroom doodles that line the bottom, along with a few snakes, which Janus goes on to say is because they’re his favorite animal because of the way they unhinge their jaws.

Remus has never wished to be in the same school as someone more.

***

The next letter they write to each other includes their emails, and Remus takes full advantage of it to send Janus all the deadliest snakes he’s found out about in the library, and includes a pain scale with human accounts of getting bitten.

Janus sends back a heart and fun facts about the deadliest octopi in the ocean. 

He feels his heart get slightly warmer when he hugs the monitor, and when he loudly proclaims he found his soulmate, he gets a laugh from Roman.

He asks him what his plan is here, and Remus tells him to shut his fuck and keep his nose out of it if he doesn’t want to get smacked.

***

When they’re old enough to have phones, they exchange cell numbers, and Remus gets daily updates instead of sporadic emails.

He finds out that Janus likes to dress a little more on the punk side and that he wants a million tattoos as soon as he’s old enough. Janus tells him about foster homes and how he thinks he might be sticking with one of the other kids he met who is a little older than him, but is sort of like him. 

Janus is smart, smarter than anyone he’s ever met in real life, and he wants to go to law school because he knows he can talk his way out of hell if the devil asked him to try, and Remus is inclined to believe he could do it if he wanted to. He thinks through all his words, his every movement, ten times before he follows through, unlike Remus’ zero-thought policy.

He learns that Janus likes boys, but there aren’t really other people in his hometown like him, and that he wants to study in a big city someday so he’s not so alone. 

He learns that Janus wants to keep talking to him forever, or at least that’s what he tells him.

Remus in turn tells him about his brother, and their origin story. He tells him about how everyone else just seemed to have grown out of curiosity and how he feels out of touch with other people his age sometimes. 

There’s still a part of him that feels like he’s been touching all the stars in the sky, but none of them have set his orbit quite right, leaving him drifting endlessly.

He tells him that he might like boys too, but he doesn’t really want to tell his mom because she already rags on him for everything else, like wanting to go to art school and his knife collection and how he’ll never meet his soulmate with an attitude like his. 

He doesn’t tell him about the small seed of doubt in the back of his head that Janus won’t want to stay if he ever meets him in real life. 

He tells him he wants to keep talking forever too.

***

They don’t ever talk about meeting in person. For the first time in their lives, they’re in the same city, but every time he goes to bring it up, seeing a picture of Janus in the financial district, or near his favorite Starbucks, something makes him hesitate. 

Remus wants it so bad, it feels like all the air in his lungs isn’t real sometimes, or like something cut up his insides then spooned all the pieces out to replace them with ice. Still, the thought lingers in the back of his mind that Janus hasn’t suggested it for a reason. 

They still talk all the time though, whether it's to rant about professors, or homework, or siblings, or just about something they saw recently.

Janus tends to hyperfocus on cases he works on in his internship sometimes, and when he’s allowed, he tells Remus all the gory details and grins when he revels in the fun, while also giving valuable insight that contributes to his defense.

Remus in turn sends him the paintings that don’t involve Janus’ face and stupid selfies he takes at random food carts around school that are rumored to give you instant food poisoning. 

He makes sure to send progress updates on the projects he really feels good about and sends him updates on Roman and his new trends, whether they be six second dance videos or random quotes he’s said to him of varying hilarity based on how stupid they are.

The longer he lives in the city, the more Remus knows his heart feels warmer. He’s been feeling it since the start of the semester, but he hasn’t said anything yet, at least not to Janus. Roman is free game, though:

“Roman, I swear to everything fuckable within a ten mile radius, he probably goes to the same college as me,” Remus groans, his feet propped up on the back of the couch as he lies upside down. “I get warmer every time I go to campus.”

“There’s a million colleges in New York, so he really might not be,” Roman says reasonably, doing his eyeliner in the hall mirror. “Besides, he’s pre-law, right? There’s no way.”

“You’re just being uppity because you fricking met your soulmate on campus,” He responds grumbling.

“You’re right, I am. My soulmate’s a genius and I am very lucky to have met him when I did,” His twin’s pride infects the room, and he throws one Roman’s unnecessary couch pillows at him. “If you make me screw up my eyeliner, I’m going to run you through with one of your stupid wall-katanas.”

“They aren’t stupid, and I’m never going to see him face to face at this rate, so you might as well,” he snipes back, his purely decorative wall-mounted katanas be damned.

Roman raises an eyebrow, as if his mocking will affect Remus at all, “I’ll be back in like three hours, then you can mope your heart out, okay?”

He gathers his things from the hall table as Remus yells at his retreating back, “I don’t mope, I’m not you!”

“No, you’re not, and that’s why you don’t have a hot date tonight!” he hears as the door shuts.

He wishes he kept the pillow to suffocate himself with.

***

When Roman knocks on Virgil’s door, he doesn’t expect the person who answers the door to be so familiar, and he’s sure the answering party doesn’t expect him either.

“I thought-Sorry, I thought my roommate’s soulmate was coming over,” Janus says, a flash of recognition in his eyes, completely stunned in a way Roman has never heard while listening in on his brother’s phone calls. 

“Yeah, no, I’m here for Virgil. Janus, right?” And at the immediately suspicious look goes, “Oh, for fuck’s sake, you send my brother at least five selfies a week, and he agonizes over your beauty for ages after every single one, you have to know I would recognize you on sight.”

“....Roman?” he asks, like he doesn’t actually know what was going to leave his mouth when he said it.

“That would be me,” Roman just goes for the back of his neck, before wincing at the Remus-like gesture. “So, uh, Virgil?”

“Yeah, yes!” Janus opens the door fully so fast, Roman almost expects him to run himself over, “Do come in. Would you like anything while you wait? Water? Tea?”

“Nah, I’m good,” Janus hovers for a moment like he’s going to say something, but bites his lip instead, “Want to know how my brother is doing?”

He shifts elegantly, though his chains rattle, making the adjustment more obvious, “Of course not, what do you take me for?”

“A liar, you definitely want to know how he’s doing. Well, you’ll be happy to know he lives fifteen minutes away,” Roman grins, “And he’s home alone right now, pouting about wanting to see you, if you wanna go over.”

“It would be rude to leave you unattended in my home,” Janus replies, his voice strangled. “Arrangements can be made to get Virgil to hurry up.”

Leaving the room in a swift movement of leather and metal, Janus nearly vaults the couch in his haste. Roman can hear him yelling at Virgil to “Hurry up, you nasty, spider-pet keeping bitch,” and his soulmate’s yells to “Get out of my room, you tattooed skank!” Then an offended gasp, “How dare you?” and the snarling response, “You barge into my space and-”

“You hooked up with my soulmate’s brother-”

”Who is my soulmate, idiot!”

“Would you just-”

“Fine!”

“Fine!”

Janus leaves the room and, in Roman’s line of sight, straightens his shirt as if he’d just been in some sort of scuffle. “Virgil will be out shortly, if you wouldn’t mind giving me the address.”

“You two are going to be related if you marry my brother, you know?” Roman grins as he puts the address into Janus’ phone.

He takes the phone back and rolls his eyes, “We were fostered by the same family. We really can’t get any closer, but I’ll keep that in mind.”

“We were adopted by the same person, Jan, why do you always conveniently leave that part out?” Virgil grumbles as he enters the room. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do, and be safe.”

Janus sniffs turning up his nose, “I’m going to get violently murdered before I even make it there,”

“Don’t test me, I will put off this date,” he pushes Janus’ head forward so he can’t look up at them. “Be safe, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Janus mumbles, fixing his hat and his chained belt, “Do I look okay?”

“My brother is a trash rat,” Roman responds, louder than he means to, “You will look like a model next to him and you will constantly get questioned as to why you’re in a five foot radius of him.”

“So, good?”

“Fantastic,” Roman confirms. “Now have fun.”

Janus double checks his pockets for his phone and his wallet, and then he books it in the direction of the twins’ apartment.

***

For the first time since he moved in, Remus feels himself getting warmer by the second. It’s not as though he’s moved from his spot going over every single thing that could currently be going wrong at Roman’s date, but somehow, his heart is pounding like he has.

“What do you see?” He asks it, vaguely aware it can’t actually respond. Either his soulmate just figured out where he lives, or there is something extremely important happening in the city.

Picking up his phone to check, it lights up with a text from Roman reading ‘Sending a pick-me-up your way,’ but he has no idea what it means.

After two minutes of constant heat, he searches for major events happening nearby. Nothing.

Five more minutes pass, and he thinks he might die young to a heart attack.

There’s a knock on the door.

His self preservation instincts must be completely nonexistent at this point because he yanks the door open with a knife in his hand and freezes. There, right in front of him, is Janus, who he thought he’d never see, and who was always too good for him, and yet, perfect for him in every way and, “I could have accidentally killed you with one of my many wall-hung weapons because you didn’t knock like Roman,” and that is the first thing he chooses to say to his soulmate.

“I wouldn’t have appreciated the trip to the hospital after I just sprinted over half a mile to see you,” he pants a little, “I know we didn’t talk about it, but Roman showed up at my door, and I knew you had to be nearby, and I just-”

Remus yanks him forward into his arms, and sighs in relief as the heat abruptly goes away, “Mr. I-think-everything-through needed to be impulsive, huh?”

“Yes,” Comes the fervent response as he clings to Remus’ body. “I missed you.”

“I thought you didn’t want to meet up. We didn’t even-”

“I know,” And Janus’ mouth brushes his cheek, just barely, because he’s not tall enough to reach, and Remus bends down, and kisses him soundly on the mouth, the feeling running through his body like a new kind of heat and comfort, and it feels like he’s done it a million times, even if it’s the first time.

Breaking apart, he notices they’re just standing in the doorway of his apartment. “Come inside, sweetheart,” He wiggles his eyebrows salaciously, Janus bursting into laughter as he pushes him back. 

“Nope,” He grins fondly, and this is the first day of the rest of their lives, it hits Remus, “I think I’m going to cause problems on purpose.”

“Fair enough, honeybee,” He tugs at the yellow cuffs of Janus’ leather jacket, pressing a kiss to a tattoo at the edge of his hairline, “Want me to carry you? Roman did say he was sending a pick-me-up, and I can definitely pick you up.”

He’s giggling, Remus delights as he scoops him up, kicking the door shut behind them, “If you call me one more pet name, I will combust, and you will have no soulmate to be with, is that what you want?”

And he says what he wants to say, because Janus has never once cared about the shit that leaves his mouth, “Biscuit, I’ve waited so long to see you, even death couldn’t keep me away from holding you.”

Janus pushes into him and kisses him again, putting a hand in his hair, tugging slightly to get the angle he wants, “I wouldn’t want it to,” Then after another kiss, “Love you.”

Remus sighs into his mouth, his world aligning so he could be the orbit to Janus’ sun, the whole system correcting itself. “Yeah,” He holds him just a little bit tighter, “Love you, too.”

[the-pedestrian-lesbian]

Hear me out please

Okay, I know everyone’s made Dick Grayson out to be a fantastic flirt and a playboy etc. But consider.

When attempting to flirt with one Wally West, he’s an absolute mess.

You see, Wally manages to be adorable and hot at the same time, and Dick is simply not equipped to handle that.

So when attempting to flirt, he ends up saying some ridiculous pickup line, making every single one of his siblings question exactly why he's their brother.

Stephanie uses it to tease Dick endlessly because Wally West is the most oblivious creature on the planet and thinks Dick is joking with him. Tim repeats the pickup line in a mocking impression if Dick's voice. Jason ends up on the floor trying to breathe from how hard he's laughing and just Damian.

Damian looks severely unimpressed, but then Tim whispers something in his ear, cackling and suddenly those emerald eyes are gleaming, and everyone but Dick knows that shit is about to go down.

But then Damian just shakes his head, mutters something about 'Grayson being an incompetent fool as usual' and exits the room to literally everyone's disappointment.

The next morning, Wally is invited over for the day. Wally has just arrived and he and Dick are in the kitchen. Every. Single. Sibling. Is spying on them, except for the resident Mess In Motion™, Tim Drake, who is sitting at the counter with his eleventh cup of coffee, and the Puppy Stealer Damian Wayne.

Wally and Dick are just about to head upstairs when Damian walks in with a box and a smirk that promises trouble.

Damian is Wally's Absolute Favourite Person in the Entire World. So naturally, he pulls a Dick Grayson™, and zooms over to his favourite child like a man on the mission, swooping in for a hug and chattering about ninety miles an hour about what little souvenir he brought back from Copahogen for Damian.

Damian holds up the box. Wally stops talking immediately, all his focus on Damian, the child of his heart. And the child of his heart Damian is, because the kid opens the box and pulls out a pair of running shoes and goggles that look like they've been a work in progress for two decades with how refined they are.

"I hope you shall find these adequate, West. I built them myself and had Drake wire them for you, and the shoes I had custom designed from Star Labs." Wally looks like he's on the verge of tears.

Then Damian pulls out a card from the bottom of the box and deals the killing blow.

"I also took it upon myself to give you a stable nutrition source in case you should find yourself in a... delicate situation. It gives you special access to heavily discounted food from every fast food place in Gotham, Central, Keystone, Coast, Star City, and North America." Wally loses it, weeping and pulling the kid to his chest and then lifting him into the air like he's found God trapped in a human form.

"The love of my life, I shall hold in my heart a special place for you forever!" He literally sobs, shaking Damian a little before crushing him into a hug yet again.

Tim will deny filming the entire thing. He definitely did not zoom in on Dick's face as Wally thanked Damian with salty tears running down his face. Then Wally kissed Damian's forehead and instead of stabbing Wally as expected, hugged Wally back.

Tim will deny whispering,

"Damn Dick, kid's got way more game than you," when Dick whips his head towards Tim, hearing the comment, and starts flat out wailing about betrayal.

This, of course, sparks the beginning of a war that will shake the Wayne Manor, with every single sibling stealing Wally's attention from Dick whenever they're having a moment, or even just hanging out.

Dick can't even get mad at Cass when she interrupts them playing video games to give Wally a huge bowl of ice cream covered in sprinkles and marshmallows, Wally's favorite, earning her a tearful hug, even if she winks at him as she leaves the room. Everything must be blamed on Tim, after all.

Even when they leave the manor and end up at the fucking park for God's sake, Jason shows up and asks Wally to work a case with him, which ends with Wally falling into Jason's arms bridal style. Wally leans up and whispers jokingly in Jason's ear,

"What would Roy think about this Jaybird?" Jason just grins conspiratorially at him which causes the redhead to grin back up at him.

In front of the Batcomputer, Dick fumes. He refuses to talk to Jason for a week.

Even Alfred gets in on it, replying,

"Absolutely, sir. Anything for the young bachelor finally giving out his affection," Or something of the like whenever Dick asks the old butler something.

Dick has just said, 'Fuck it', and leaned in to kiss Wally when fucking Bruce Wayne walks in and asks Wally a groundbreaking question.

"You come here enough and my children have developed a bit of an... unhealthy obsession for you," He starts, stealing Wally's attention, "So I'd like to give you a key to the manor."

While Wally stares in awe at the gold key that now rests in a shaking palm, Bruce winks at Dick who's staring open-mouthed at the obviously timed interruption.

Dick doesn't work up the nerve to try to kiss Wally again that day. He also pretends not to see the knowing smiles and winks Bruce sends his way for nearly six days.

But one day, it just stops. There are no interruptions when Dick puts an arm around Wally's middle and Wally leans into him. There is no sudden, loud entrance of a sibling when Dick leans in slowly, smiling with lidded eyes. There aren't any doors banging open loudly when Dick closes the gap and presses his lips against Wally’s gently, the speedster kissing back readily.

Literally a day later Damian walks in on Dick smiling goofily into space at the counter and snorts.

"I suppose I must congratulate you on getting a boyfriend, Grayson. Treat him right, or my blade will be the last thing you see."

Dick just nods distractedly, mind full of ginger hair, shining eyes and a face painted with constellations.

(Wally must admit, he always got flustered over those ridiculous pickup lines)