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professorspork · 6 years ago

Note

Can you talk a little more about why you found Endgame devastating in a bad way and not a good way?

I sure can! I can talk a lot more, in fact! I’m going to put this under a cut because Ihave a feeling it’s going to get Quite Long (ETA: it is, this is 6k words I amso sorry) so if anyone just wants the tl;dr version, I recommend GaviaBaker-Whitelaw’s excellent article ‘How the straight agenda ruined Avengers:Endgame.’

If you want my own personal take, well. Enter at your ownrisk, here be monsters, etc:

First of all, the very short answer to your question: Itagged this photo as emblematic of all the ways Endgame was “devastating in thebad way and not in the good way” because, if I’m being really honest, Steve and Natbeing queerplatonic life partners (who maybe occasionally fuck but mostly don’t)was my absolute favorite thing about the MCU. (Yes, despite all the words thatfollow hereon about Bucky, I stand by Steve&Nat being my Absolute Favorite,because it was entirely about what was onscreen and nothing about the fanon thatfollowed.) And now it’s Gone and not only is it Gone it was Taken From Me, andI’m salty.

The much longer answer:

What’s maddening is that I honestly loved the vast, vastmajority of Endgame. I adored, like, 92% of it!! It’s just that the remaining8% is the part that’s a) most relevant to character arcs and b) permanent,which leaves me at a bit of an impasse. It’s hard to remember my delight overthe way Natasha laid down haphazardly over old take-out containers whilebrainstorming at her peak adorableness when she’s, y’know, dead. (Which isn’teven my biggest issue!)

I’m going to break it out by character, from most toleast irksome to me so we get the heaviest stuff out of the way and then by theend I’m just shouting on my lawn going “AND ANOTHER THING.” I’m also not goingto go into The Thor Thing, because I think everyone worth talking to is inagreement about that being fatphobic and offensive.

Okay, here we go:

STEVE

I fucking hate that Steve went back in time to marryPeggy. AND I LOVE PEGGY AND I LOVE STEVE/PEGGY SO I’M SO MAD THIS IS WHERE I’VEBEEN LEFT. I have tried to make my peace with it, I have failed, and I amhonestly not used to being this mad at a fictional character. I know it’suseless to hold it against him—something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately isthat argument some fans make about like “why are you slutshaming X characterfor wearing skimpy armor, she just feels most empowered riding into battle withnothing but a strip of leather over her tits” when like, the characterdid not make this choice, the writers made it be that way—but unlike, say,the characterization of Steve in Age of Ultron, which I can happily disregard becauseJoss hates Steve, Markus, McFeely, Russo & Russo have been the architectsof everything I love about Steve. It’s straight from the source! And soI… I’m taking it personally, though I know I shouldn’t. I feel like Steve turnedhis back on me and left me behind.

Well. Me and Bucky Barnes.

It’s probably no secret if you follow this blog that I’ma big Stucky girl. I have admitted it’s one of my top three ships of all time;my steve and bucky tag is 21 damn pages long. But I promise, I PROMISE, thisisn’t even about that. Regardless of whether or not you think these two are orever were in romantic love with each other, their best friendship is one of themost important and indelible parts of the MCU.

Steve’s emotional arc over the last several movies hasrevolved around his intense obsession with all things Bucky. He bailedon his concert tour, defied orders and became Cap-in-combat to save Bucky in1944. He tore down SHIELD, HYDRA and the whole world for Bucky when he foundout he was alive. He became a war criminal on the slightest chance he couldprove Bucky’s innocence! And then, when they were finally reunited, finally foronce on the same page at the same time, Bucky was taken in the Snap. And so,like. It seems a bit WEIRD to me that Steve’s heartbreak over the Snap isframed as a Peggy thing (see: him looking at the Peggy compass before their first act attack on Thanos; his talking exclusively about Peggyin the Snap support group he runs WITH GAY MEN) when Peggy died a natural deathafter a long life in Civil War and not, y’know, Bucky, his oldest, mostintimate relationship-haver, or even Sam, his best friend. It seems a bit ODDto me that we see dozens of cute, short reunions and meetings in the finalbattle with 2014 Thanos—known Extremely Important Relationships Tony/Dr. Strangeand Peter/Carol are given significant on screen exchanges—but we don’t seeSteve and Bucky reunite with one another. It feels a bit CONSPICUOUS to me thatSteve does not tell Bucky what he plans to do when he goes to take the stonesback, full on SUSPICIOUS to me that the two don’t say boo shit to each other—can’teven stand in the same group together when Steve comes back from histime vacation—and outright UNBELIEVABLE to me that Steve Rogers would choose tolive seventy years of his life without Bucky Barnes.

I just don’t buy it.

I don’t buy that after four movies of you telling me itisn’t the case, Steve Rogers’ happy ending doesn’t include Bucky. (Andwe’ll touch on the whole idea of what it means to have a “happy ending” in abit.)

It feels like a deliberate side-step. It feels like thecreative team tried and failed to come up with anything approaching a normal,just-two-bros reunion scene for them and with the weight of their past intimacyeverything they wrote came off as a marriage proposal so they scrapped itentirely. It’s insulting. Not on a “my ship didn’t go canon” level—I never in amillion years expected Steve and Bucky to ‘get together’ in any concrete sense,I wouldn’t even have known what to do with it if I got it, I never wanted that.All I wanted was for the text to honor the affection, the bond between thesetwo just as much as it did in any of the other movies. One of the best featuresof the MCU is its consistency when it comes to character detail andrelationship nuance. So how on earth (I know how, we all know how) did theydrop the ball on what is literally their flagship friendship?

But it’s not just that Steve goes back in time withoutBucky, or without saying a word to him about it. It’s that Steve goes back intime and then, apparently, does absolutely nothing for seventy years, includingsaving Bucky.

The time travel rules in Endgame are… unique. They areunprecedented. And it’s easy to tell that’s true, because not once have thedifferent members of the creative team been able to give a consistent answer onwhy or how it works in interviews after the fact. So like. I accept that mytake on this may not be the “canon” take, and until we get a post-Endgame moviethat addresses these things there IS no canon take. Regardless of what their “thisisn’t Back to the Future” rules means about whether or not changing the pastmeans changing the future, in the future all of these characters lived Buckywas on ice/doing murders until the events of Winter Soldier, also in which theworld learned SHIELD was HYDRA. The Russos think Steve created his own branchreality when he went back in time, and the question is then how he got back toour world to hand off the shield; Markus and McFeely don’t think that’s true;they think Steve lived concurrently to his own regular timeline and was always Peggy’s husband. YOU WOULD THINK THEY’D HAVE REACHED AGREEMENT ON THIS EITHER WAY BEFORE THIS POINT, BUT I DIGRESS. This meansthat either a) M&M are right and Steve went back in time and neither toldhis new wife Peggy “hey honey, you know that startup you’ve got going withHoward, maybe don’t invite Arnim Zola unless you want your entire legacy to beNazis,” nor did he save Bucky when he knew he was somewhere in Eastern Europebeing fucking tortured and brainwashed. He didn’t stop Howard and Maria fromgetting in the car. There’s a lot of joke tweets about how Captain America just“let 9/11 happen” and like—it’s a joke but it’s also NOT A JOKE--- orrrrrr b) theRussos are right and maybe Steve did all of those things in a branch reality,which they felt no need to mention when they were wrapping up the emotionalstoryline for their marquee character, which is lazy at best and kind ofunforgivable at worst. Even in the Best Version of Events, where not only arethe Russos are right and Steve went back in a splinter timeline, but in thatsplinter timeline Steve co-founded a Nazi-less SHIELD with Peggy and theyfought crime Hart to Hart style, saved Bucky, stopped the Vietnam War fromhappening and cured AIDS, it still means Peggy no longer did everything she didon her own, fighting and clawing for it like a honey badger. And should shehave had to? No, of course not. But is it her defining trait and greatestaccomplishment that she did? YES! This matters to me! Erasing it without givingher a say matters to me!

And the fact that all of this is in doubt is BONKERS. Iwould feel less weird about if they didn’t leave all of it unsaid! If they’dincluded a scene with Bucky before Steve went back where Bucky just went “Steve,listen. I know what you’re thinking, and you can’t save me, okay? It wouldbreak the time continuum or something. Now go be a reckless idiot like I knowyou’re gonna and say hi to Carter for me” it would at least feel like theycared the slightest bit. Hell, if they gave Peggy ANY LINES AT ALL it wouldfeel a heck of a lot more like the reuniting of two characters I love and lesslike a mortifying hetcon where Steve erases all of Peggy’s professionalaccomplishments and canon husband and other family just to have hisfairytale happy ending with a voiceless woman-shaped smilebot.

Do you have any idea how much I would have cried if we’dgotten a scene were Steve showed up at the Stork Club in time for his dance?Peggy doesn’t even need to have A LOT of lines (though she should!) A tearysmirk and a “you’re late” reprise would have gone so far! (Especially if they’dhad a final, heart-wrenching goodbye for closure and then he’d returned to thefuture, giving us the best of both worlds, but what do I know.) But no, EdwinJarvis gets a line in this movie and Peggy doesn’t. She has no say in the endof her story—it’s a decision that’s made at her. She’s a bit player inher own life. Steve isn’t reunited with Peggy, he gets a dance with the idea ofPeggy. But like. The real Peggy is brash and terrible at emotional honesty! Shewould be a nightmare to be married to! So is Steve! That’s why I love them,they’re awful! And it just feels like all of that was erased in a moment infavor of a vision of unsustainable hetero bliss.

(Honestly, the way I make peace with this is by thinkingthat after maybe six months with Peggy they were both like “oh godwhat were we thinking, this is never going to work” and broke up, and thereason Steve didn’t tell Sam his wife’s name is that it wasn’t Peggy andhe’s too embarrassed to say so.)

And like. I’m trying not to feel like an awfulbitch/bitter old crone about it, because the thing I keep circling back to inconversation with others is them saying “can’t you at least be happy for himthat he’s at peace? Don’t you think he deserves to rest? After everything he’s done,shouldn’t Steve get a chance to be happy?”

Listen. Do I think Steve deserves a chance athappiness? Yes. Do I think Steve Rogers actually has the capacity forsustainable, long term happiness? … Honestly, no. That’s one of the reasons Ilove him.

Steve is miserable. His life is hard, he’s got PTSD, hehas trouble adjusting even in the best of circumstances. But he’s a fighter.And the reason I admire(d) him so much is that no matter what life threw athim, he was relentless in his forward momentum. He had to go on, he had to keepstanding up for others. He didn’t know how not to. Does this mean he needs ashit ton of therapy? Yes, it does—and the therapy is better in the future, Imight add! But like. As much as the creative team keeps going on about howtheir overall arcs were “Tony needed to learn to be more selfless, like Steve,and Steve needed to learn to be more selfish, like Tony” I think there’s adifference between learning to grasp happiness with both hands in the unlikely,miraculous event it comes your way, because it’s brief and shining and worthcelebrating, even though it comes with heartbreak, and just… noping out of yourlife and ignoring your problems for seven decades while everyone else worriesabout it. I’ve never seen Steve sit still and keep himself out of trouble forseven minutes—now I’m supposed to believe he managed it for seventy years? Hewas Peggy’s weird secret attic husband no one knew about? I respected him,loved him, and identified with him—I felt represented by him—because not onlydid he have to fight for every scrap of happiness he’s ever had, he felt likethere was honor in that fight. That’s why Mjolnir declared him Worthy!! And forhim to then lay down his responsibility and NOT FIGHT for 70 years momentsafter being given that distinction… it stings.

I appreciate my happy endings when they’re hard-won. Thatoften means they’re bittersweet. And if Steve’s ending were framed that way—yes,he got back his Era and he got the girl, but he lost his best friend, his foundfamily, and any determinedly-etched-out balance—I might be more okay with it.But it’s presented as the uncomplicated ride off into the sunset he deserved,and… I don’t want my stories uncomplicated. Steve Rogers is not anuncomplicated man. I know a lot of this is YMMV and I’m maybe a bit more darkin my tastes than others, here—hell, I think it’s cheap that the Elrics got alltheir flesh back AND Mustang got back his sight in FMA:B, that feels like toohappy an ending for me—but telling me that what Steve’s really wanted allthis time was to have a house in the ‘burbs and chill doesn’t resonate. Steve’swhole thing since Day 1 was “how can I sit idly by while other men risk theirlives? I can’t stand that.”

It feels like a How I Met Your Mother ending. If Stevehad had the option to go back at the end of Avengers 1, I’d have bought itcompletely that he’d take it (both for character arc reasons and for “he didn’tknow Bucky was alive then” reasons). But he’s not that guy anymore. Yet itseems like they decided a long, long time ago that Steve was going to go backin time and get a do-over, and years of development, growth, moving on andbonding with other people be damned. Who cares if Steve got Bucky back, whocares if Steve got Sam back, who cares that he’d lived 13 years, his entireadult life, in the future? Nat’s dead, might as well go back to the other damewho liked him!

And. And here’s the thing. If everything else were equalbut Bucky and Peggy’s roles were reversed—if Peggy fell from the train, and itwas Bucky who founded SHIELD with Howard; if Steve met Bucky again as adementia-ridden old man and Peggy were the Winter Soldier, if it were PeggySteve spent all these movies desperately trying to save and nurture—I feel likeeveryone else would find it REALLY WEIRD if Steve went back in time to do itall over again with Bucky! That’s not a question of romance, or gender. Not forme, who loves all of these characters equally. It’s a question of the emotionalarchitecture the story is built upon.

Historically, every decision Steve’s ever made in theentire time we’ve known him has been about Bucky. And for this ending to work,it requires us to either ignore that, or think this single-minded focus wasnever about Bucky at all—that it was instead a sublimated love where Buckybecame a signifier for Peggy or the past Steve lost, instead of a person in hisown right, the person Steve’s always chosen and who’s always chosen him, sincethey were kids. Til the end of the line. Asking me to believe that is a)horrible, and cruel, and frankly homophobic and b) simply untenable—I don’t thinkthat the plots of First Avenger, Winter Soldier or Civil War stand up to thatreading.

And even in the kindest reading of all of this—that Stevedeserves to return to the time he was stolen from, because it’s his TrueTime and Peggy’s his True Love—then my god, doesn’t Bucky deserve that, too?Steve was an orphan with, after Bucky’s “death,” ONLY Peggy and I guess theHowlies to tie him to the world. Bucky has a family! He’s got sisters! Theythink he’s dead! If Steve deserves this, doesn’t Bucky, after everything he’sbeen through, deserve it too? If it applies to one of them, it applies to bothof them, doesn’t it? No matter which way you slice it? (For the record, if Stevehad taken Bucky back to the past with him I'd still be scratching my head aboutthe timeline bearing out—and I think it would make the Sam!Cap offer even morekind of paltry and afterthoughtish than it already is, Sam deserves FIREWORKSand A CROWD damn it, and it also deserves to be a decision not made AT him, seeabove—but at least I could be like “yeah, that's exactly the kind ofhilariously not-thought-out decision Steve would make, have fun kiddo.”)

But I guess Steve inviting Bucky on his Happy Ending Tourof the past would be too much like a fucking proposal so, uh, no, we don’t getthat.

NATASHA

Here is a top ten list, in no particular order, called “I’dbe fine with it, but.”

1. I’d be fine with it—Natasha is a hero, and she deservesa hero’s ending, she merits going out in a big swing to save the world—but she’sstill the Smurfette, man. It means something different to kill your only original female leadthis way than it does to kill a male character. It especially means that whenyou kill her in the exact same way you killed Gamora—THE OTHER SMURFETTE—onemovie previous. It feels cheap, and it feels callous. M&M&R&R havetalked a lot about the woman/women in the office who read a draft where Clintdied instead and said “DON’T YOU TAKE THIS AWAY FROM HER” but a) tbh I feellike maybe they were reading a different draft than was ultimately shot, thismovie evolved a lot over the years and b) when you’re the Token Girl, your storyis more than just yours. In a franchise of this scale, it’s just… it’s notequal yet. If the circumstances had been utterly different, if Nat haddied wielding the Infinity Gauntlet, at least it would be novel. And like—I amnot the kind of person who thinks standing against Bury Your Gays means no gayscan ever die or else, for example; sometimes a Good Death is warranted if it’swell-written enough—but again: it’s the “she feels empowered in that skimpysuit” thing. You didn’t HAVE to create a murder cliff that only exists forfemale characters to die for the men who love them. You made that choice. It’speak “why do we even have that lever?!”

2. I’d be fine with it—Natasha loves Clint, of course shewouldn’t let him die for her, not when he’s fighting to get back his family—butit would have made more sense for Clint to die as penance for all of the ninjamurders he did after losing his kids than for Nat to die because she can’t haveany. It feels like it privileges bio family over found family in a way that’skind of dismissive and gross, and it calls back to the mortifying line in Ageof Ultron were Nat referred to herself as a monster over her infertility. And theargument that Clint couldn’t die, there’s a Hawkeye Disney+ series falls flatwhen Nat has a MOVIE coming out and Vision also has a Disney+ series and yetis, as of this moment, still dead.

3. I’d be fine with it—Natasha loves Clint, of coursethey’d bicker over who would jump—but when the “dramatic” scene that precedes amajor character’s death resembles nothing so much as this comic, you’re doingit wrong. I shouldn’t be giggling over their antics right before someone fallsto their death.

4. I’d be fine with it—Nat did it for her family, whomshe loves—but her family didn’t even honor her back, and that’s bullshit. Tonygets a massive funeral and Nat gets nothing? I admit that what I trulywant for her—a long sequence of RENT-style “what Angel meant to me”testimonials—would have been a bit weird to include pacing-wise, even if I dothink if I asked Chris Evans and Jeremy Renner nicely over twitter they’dprobably improvise one for me anyway. But it didn’t have to be that. A singleshot in a montage would be enough. A shot of Clint, Laura, Fury, Steve, Sam, Okoye and Pepper doing a shot of vodka together and pouring one out for Nat would havebeen enough. Simple, elegant, gets the point across. It’s not hard!!!

5. I’d be fine with it—they needed to get the Soul Stone,for skimpy outfit reasons someone had to die, I get it—but then Steve has toput all the stones back to reverse the heist and stop the branch timelines fromcollapsing like The Ancient One warned about. How the fuck do you return theSoul Stone? And Steve could, wouldn’t that cosmically mean we get Nat back? Asoul for a soul, isn’t that the deal?

6. I’d be fine with it—I understand that playing the longgame and forcing yourself to fall in love with Red Skull so you cansacrifice him, though hilarious, is not actually a solution—but it just seemslike there are other ways to write around this moment. Nat and Clint have bothlost so much, sacrificed so much. That doesn’t count? This isn’t like Thanos,who’s never sacrificed a thing in his life. Nat’s given up so much for thecause; Clint lost his family. The Soul Stone couldn’t just sense that?Or—what if they’d jumped together? Full Rose and Jack, “you jump, I jump,right?” Refusing to be separated. What would the Soul Stone math be then? Ifeel like it would have been a cooler story to find out.

7. I’d be fine with it—ScarJo needed a way out of hercontract, after the Black Widow movie (which: how they’re going to make thatwork is a whole other rant I do not have time for here)—but killing Natasha inthe one irreversible way in a damn comic book franchise just feels soneedlessly final. If you’d said “after everything, after holding the Avengerstogether for five years with nothing but the force of her will and some peanutbutter and jelly sandwiches, she’s tired and disillusioned with it and wants toroam the world for a while without the team, maybe fight some normal crime fora bit” and had her phased out quietly I would have understood! It would havebeen fine! Preferable, even!

8. I’d be fine with it—I don’t think it’s total bullshit whenM&M&R&R say that this was the end of her arc, she’d found herfamily and become a true hero—but the implication that death is the only way toend an arc is lazy and, in this case, hurtful. It comes off as “we couldn’tthink of anything else to do with her, so we killed her.” You can’t do betterthan that? Tony and Steve were gone. Natasha ran the Avengers, andpulled Nick Fury duty on top of it, for five years and death is the onlyend of her arc? Again, I know ScarJo’s contract is up, but that answer is justoffensive. In a perfect world, given the circumstances you’ve described the endof Nat’s arc would be continuing to lead the fucking Avengers.

9. I’d be fine with it—maybe all those office ladies wereright, maybe it would have felt pandering and sexist and deflating if Clint hadstolen Nat’s moment and died for her—but it’s kind of conspicuous that thereare only two female leads in this movie, Natasha and Nebula, and when both trulyexhibit their agency in their climactic moments, they choose to die. And Nebulakilling her past self to save Gamora is one of my favorite moments of the film!But god, there’s more to female agency than suicide, right?

10. I’d be fine with it—the way Steve cries when he findsout is gratifying and in-character—but Tony’s question of “Did she have anyfamily?” is fucking horrifying. You know she doesn’t, Tony, Jesus Christ.It was a sloppy, lazy setup just so Steve could say “Yeah. Us.” Which wasfucking unnecessary because we know that, that’s why she died for you. (Thecomedy reading, which is that Tony was implying she, like Clint, had a secretFarm Family is hilarious but, y’know. Not the right time.)

And speaking of the sir himself…

TONY

This one is a big case of “it’s not what you say, it’show you say it.” I didn’t expect Tony to get out of Endgame alive. (In fact, Ihad braced myself for a total party kill for the original six, which, if it hadbeen a TPK, I would have felt way better about it tbh. If they’d gone down one byone Rogue One style, at least the playing field would be even; that wouldremove a lot of the sting.) Tony’s the bedrock, he’s where we started, and ofcourse this would be the end of his road. He was going to go out big, he wasgoing to save the world. I knew that was the deal.

But they also gave him a little girl.

To my eyes, you can give Tony the ending he deserves—the endingwhere he and Pepper get to settle down, where he gets to be the father he neverhad, the one where he’s finally stable, finally at peace—or you can giveTony the Ending He Deserves—the one where he, the flagship, the starting pistolof the MCU, gets to vanquish Thanos saying “I am Iron Man.” Epic.

You… you lose me when you do both.

Here’s where I get my hackles up:

Were there any other outcomes you considered for Tony?

MARKUS No. Because we had the opportunity to give him theperfect retirement life, within the movie.

McFEELY He got that already.

MARKUS That’s the life he’s been striving for. Are he andPepper going to get together? Yes. They got married, they had a kid, it wasgreat. It’s a good death. It doesn’t feel like a tragedy. It feels like aheroic, finished life.

It is a fucking tragedy! Pepper is left alone with a fiveyear old girl! Pepper does not get a perfect, finished life. It’s a gross,reductive, alienating view of fatherhood, which is all the more starkly (punintended) contrasted when you compare him to Scott, a good dad whoactually gives a shit that he missed out on three years of Cassie’s lifein prison and then ANOTHER FIVE in the Quantum Realm. Honestly, this is whathappens when you don’t let women write these movies—the characterization formen suffers, too, not just women. Because it wasn’t even a factor to them.Like. They literally cut a scene from the movie where a vision of Morgan fromthe future absolved him of guilt for leaving his family behind. That’s… reallyawful, fellas. Surely you can see how awful that is?

I want to feel good about Tony’s death. I want to feelinspired. Part of me does. But god, that little girl. God, Pepper.

But then, it’s pretty much par for the course. Because it’sworth it to talk about

WOMEN

This isn’t about how the one “Girl Power” shot wasshallow fanservice instead of substantive representation, how it makes no sensein the plot of the moment, or how it’s a totally empty gesture unless they planon giving us an A-Force movie (though all of those things are true).

It’s about how this movie has a gender problem in whichthe vast, vast majority of female characters got to be “badass” by bucklingunder the will of their male counterparts—and those who didn’t mostly justweren’t in it enough for that to be true.

Peggy doesn’t get any lines; she is presented not as thestrong, capable individual we know her to be but as a storybook reward forSteve’s good behavior after all these years. She is a prop, not a person.

Pepper is, for the thousandth time, defined as strong andcapable because she’s able to withstand all of the crap Tony puts on her. Ilove Tony/Pepper, I think they’re the beating heart of the MCU, their screwballenergy left a positive and indelible mark on the MCU that redefined how loveinterests work (well, barring Betty Ross, I’m so sorry Betty your movie isawful and you deserved so much better). But like. Tony gives her a company whenhe doesn’t want it anymore, he gives her a suit even though he knows she’s notinterested, he talks her into having a child together and then he leaves herbehind. Pepper is like an amazing, super intense version of one of those cookswho up-cycles leftovers into new, amazing, even-better-than-the-originaldishes. But she shouldn’t have to be, and she deserves better.

The same goes for Valkyrie, who is literally handedthe crown of Asgard for no other reason than because she’s there. It’s notthat she’s not capable, it’s not that she doesn’t deserve it, and it’s not thatshe won’t do an amazing job, but again: it’s a decision made at her. Why isthis still happening? (See also: Sam!Cap, and another way that Sam is stillgetting the Love Interest treatment after all of these years).

Carol was underused, and utilized entirely as a Deus ExMachina instead of as a person with feelings every time she did show up. Whileshe has the raw power to back up that plot usage, aside from her little smirkand “hey, Peter Parker,” we got almost no humanity from her. It’s not like theMCU is bad at establishing loads and loads of nuance in just a few lines—the massivejuggernaut that is Clint/Coulson shipping was launched when they exchanged twosentences to each other!—so it doesn’t feel like a lot to ask that Carol bein the scenes she’s in. You know?

For the most part, I really love how they handled Gamoraand Nebula, but the fact that 2014 them were Super Team Thanos flies directlyin the face of where both of them were at the start of GotG—and for Gamora tochange her mind after learning that in the future, she and Nebula are trulysisters when it’s Nebula who always wanted that for them is… a littlereductive. This was Their Movie—five more minutes to really tease out thenuance here would have really gone a long way.

Plus there was that whole scene where Frigga was like “actuallyit’s fine if I die; I’m just glad you’re okay honey. I feel so empowered inthis skimpy outfit. It has to be this way!” If Nat didn’t die the way she did, this scene would read differently! But she did! So it doesn’t!

Okay. Okay. I’m sure I’ve forgotten things that botheredme, but I have to stop somewhere so it might as well be here. In fact, here’s alist of things I really liked, to remind us all that I did like this movie:

America’s ass! “I could do this all day”/“I know!” ThePB&J cut diagonal! Cooper’s baseball mitt! Tony and Nebula playing PaperFootball! Nebula and Rhodey being best friends / “he’s an idiot!” Clint and Natforehead touch! Nat lounging on the takeout containers! When Hope calls Steve ‘Cap’and Scott gives her a little Look about it! Instant Kill Mode! Bruce and TheAncient One talk metaphysics—and the fact that Bruce is what is astrallyprojected out of Hulk! The redo of the elevator scene being subverted with “HailHydra!” Tony and Howard! Rocket’s much-needed frank pep talk to Thor! Ding dongditching 1970 Hank because he deserves that and so much worse! Tony revisitinghis Age of Ultron mentality at his lowest—frankly, it made me buy it in a wayall of AoU didn’t! Nebula murdering who she used to be so she can becomesomething new (let the past die, kill it if you have to amirite?)! Theindulgent credits sequence with the original 6 and their autographs! Quill’sface when he saw 2014 Gamora! TIME HEIST AS A CONCEPT LBR. Everyone’s funeralfashion choices, some of which are patently Bonkers! Smart Hulk having to riphis shirt off and pretend to enjoy smashing to blend in in 2012! The whole tacosight gag outside the compound! I love you 3000! Scott reuniting with Cassieand saying “you’re so big” instead of “you’re so tall!” Steve being Worthy!Thor doing a self-Fastball Special by hitting Mjolnir with Stormbreaker! YIBAMBE!

I don’t think I have ever cried as hard as I didwhen Sam said “on your left” and all of the Snapped heroes came back in Strange’sportals. Desperate, sobbing, joyful, elated, transported, awe-filled GASPINGkind of crying. I could hardly breathe. I really freaked out the guy next tome, I’ll tell you that.

I’m upset because these movies are good. This movie isgood. It made me feel… I don’t think I can describe the acute, painful ecstasyof that moment as long as I live, when everyone I loved, everyone gone,returned and returned and returned. I’m tearing up just describing it to younow.

I say these things because I care. I say these thingsbecause I don’t want to stop caring, and when characters I love are written inways I cannot understand, that I cannot abide, I am removed from the equation.And I am the damn target audience for this fucking movie. What I think matters.And it matters that I say it.

If you actually made it this far, I am very impressedwith your fortitude, and I thank you for coming to my TED Talk.

#hoo boy #i do not want this in any tracked tags #not that those even work anymore #but here's some filler #and one more #okay #avengers endgame #endgame #mcu #avengers endgame spoilers #endgame spoilers #Anonymous

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hope-for-olicity · 6 years ago

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Fabulous Olicity Fanfic Friday - April 26th, 2019

Happy Friday! So this is my attempt to both thank awesome fanfic writers for their amazing work and offer my recommendations to anyone who is interested. Here are the fantastic fanfic stories I read this week! They are posted in the order I read them. This and all previous Fabulous Olicity Fanfic posts can be found on my blog.

Tumblr Drabble - Bow by @dreamsofolicity -This takes place somewhere in 5x18, after Oliver disbands the team. It’s pretty angsty but my mind kind of wouldn’t leave me alone about it. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11833266/chapters/26782701

Home To You multi-chapter Complete by @the-shy-and-anxious-fangirl - Oliver Queen has never done what his family expected of him. He took a gap year after high school instead of going to college right away. He quit his fraternity sophomore year to join the student newspaper, switching his major from business to journalism. He became a photojournalist for a wire service instead of taking a place at Queen Consolidated. He went missing after six months instead of coming home for his sister’s twenty-first birthday. He survived five years of captivity in a war zone when everyone thought he was dead. He came home. But home didn’t have a place for him in it anymore. His parents were both dead, casualties of their own mistakes and a city they had turned against them. His sister was all grown up, the CEO of Queen Consolidated with a fiancé and a dog and a life of her own. Oliver didn’t belong in his old life, but there was nowhere else for him to go. He was a man without a home, without any way of finding one, until he stopped by the IT department of his sister’s company to get files off an old, battered memory card, and found a woman with curly blonde hair and bright, intelligent eyes chewing on a bright red pen and swearing at a computer screen. https://archiveofourown.org/works/12613188/chapters/28734552

With the Speed of an Arrow multi-chapter WIP by @academyofshipping -Oliver Queen’s elite and silver-spoon life has taken some blows in the past few years, but he is still the carefree billionaire everyone knows of and loves. When his role in the family business is in jeopardy and he is introduced to a motley of new people, his status quo is threatened. With a changed perspective, Oliver realizes his feeling for his best friend and anchor-in-life, Felicity Smoak, may be more than just platonic. OR A modern adaption of Jane Austen’s Emma with a gender swap* and no island. *Knowing that gender is not binary https://archiveofourown.org/works/16559846/chapters/38799857

Overwatch multi-chapter Complete by @it-was-a-red-heeler - A burglary attempt convinces the Mayor of Starling City to hire Smoak Technologies to strengthen his security. But between the sassy AI watching him 24/7 and the personal trainer with his own reasons to kill him, Oliver may wish he’d stuck with his baseball bat for protection. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17500640/chapters/41221793

A Soul Lost at Sea multi-chapter WIP by @tinaday3w - MAGNIFICENT regency romance where Oliver is a pirate who had returned to his previous life. http://archiveofourown.org/works/8181362/chapters/22297091

One Step Ahead multi-chapter WIP by @stephswims - Felicity Acerbi is married to esteemed Italian mob boss. Married after a failed business deal with her father, she is forced into a life decided for her. That is until a new bodyguard is hired. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16959333/chapters/39855036

| ONE | (Oliver the Footballer) multi-chapter WIP @someonesaidcake - Felicity Smoak had a plan; to save enough money to kick her monotonous job and start up the company of her dreams. She made good plans, solid plans, attainable plans. He was never part of her plan. His name was Oliver Queen, the reclusive Brazilian football star with a broken smile and a story to tell. He'd never planned on her either. https://archiveofourown.org/works/15005402/chapters/34779542

Will Fate Allow? multi-chapter WIP by @mindramblingsfics - Seeing her parent's marriage dissolve at a young age made Felicity yearn for a healthy marriage of her own. She thought she'd finally found what she was looking for when Billy Malone showed up offering her what her heart desired. She thought she was happy and had everything she could want, but things began to unravel. Slowly she turned to someone who had become an unparalleled constant in her life...Oliver Queen. Oliver and Felicity are the definition of polar opposites. He is the mob boss that strikes fear in the hearts many, while she is seen as the sweet girl next door, but there is more to both of them underneath the surface. Along the way, they become connected to one another leading to their lives being intertwined forever. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16521596/chapters/38699951

The Voice on the Line multi-chapter WIP by @faegal04 -After his relationship ends, Oliver moves back to Starling to get his life back on track. He's not ready for a physical relationship so his best friend Tommy gives him the number for a local company, Quiver, a local phone sex business. Oliver calls one night and starts speaking with a girl whose voice just does things to him. When he falls for the voice on the line and finds himself calling all the time just to hear her, he knows he has to make a decision. Will they meet? Can each of them get over their pasts? https://archiveofourown.org/works/18511543/chapters/43870330

The Fan multi-chapter WIP by @leuska - For the past couple of months, Felicity Smoak, previous child star known to the world through her alter ego Lisy the Tech Whiz, who ended her career and her growing popularity at the age of thirteen rather abruptly, has sporadically received disturbing notes and gifts in her mail. Police believe the notes to be just little tokens of appreciation by a former fan. Despite having left the spotlight over a decade ago and living in anonymity since, the fan mail keeps coming, increasing in frequency as well as intensity. The last drop is when Felicity receives another letter with a love note. A scary, ominous note. A note written in human blood.FBI director Amanda Waller tasks her best Agent to the case. Oliver Queen, a criminal profiler, is currently working on a special task force formed between SCPD and FBI to catch a man dubbed the Start City Slasher, who has murdered at least three young women in the past nine months. Agent Queen is not thrilled with the prospect of holding a former princess’ hand through her problem with a simple stalker while a serial killer is still at large. However, once meeting her, Oliver finds there is nothing easy or simple about Felicity Smoak as their worlds start to intertwine. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17726573/chapters/41820368

2 + 2 Equals a Family multi-chapter Complete by @mogirl97 - When Oliver Queen and Felicity Smoak both reach for the last Lego Batman set on the shelf at the same time one December night while holiday present shopping for their kids, they have no idea that their chance encounter is going to change their lives. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11853030/chapters/26760468

Providence multi-chapter WIP by @so-caffeinated - Will Queen has struggled in silence in the year since he was shot. But when a shadowy crime lord known as Domino targets the only woman Will’s ever truly loved, fate forces him to confront his demons in ways he never could have imagined… Whether he wants to or not. Amelia Prescott has fought to take control of her life since learning two years ago that her personal and professional worlds were manipulated by others. But nothing can prepare her for just how hard she'll have to fight to set her own course, especially when her heart belongs to a damaged man and a crime lord threatens her every professional move... And her life. Destiny brings them together, but as chaos reigns and personal demons haunt Will and Amelia both, it may also threaten to tear them apart. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17919056/chapters/42308753

Paging Dr. Smoak multi-chapter WIP by @laxit21 - When Oliver Queen gets into a car accident, he meets Dr. Felicity Smoak. He had no idea how much a chance meeting would change his life. https://archiveofourown.org/works/17262497/chapters/40595483

Love By Contradiction multi-chapter WIP by @pimsiepim - When Felicity meets Oliver, it’s anything but romantic. Taking her best friend’s spot at a speed-dating event wasn’t exactly how she had pictured spending her Friday night. Meeting said best friend’s soulmate? Even less expected. And even though Felicity never really believed in that silly prediction a fortune teller made ten years ago, the occasion is just too good to pass up. Alena is stuck in a toxic relationship and maybe what she needs to finally get over her ex… is to get underneath someone else. Mission “Get-Alena-And-Oliver-Together” is on the way, and Felicity will stop at nothing to make sure her best friend gets her happily ever after. Nothing. Not even Alena’s lack of interest, or Oliver’s weird tendency to ask Felicity out on fake dates. The plan is perfect, the execution flawless... except for one small detail: it’s not Alena who’s starting to fall for the guy... https://archiveofourown.org/works/18550876/chapters/43969807

Time for a Story multi-chapter WIP by @smkkbert - This fic shows Olicity and their life as a (married) couple with family. Although Olicity (and their kids) are the protagonists, other characters of Arrow and Flash make appearances. YOU NEED THIS STORY IN YOUR LIFE. https://archiveofourown.org/works/3912157/chapters/8757172

seemingly impossible (but not untrue) multi-chapter WIP by @alexiablackbriar13 - Young genius historian Dr Felicity Smoak unknowingly and accidentally calls up a bewitched alchemical manuscript within the Oxford Bodleian Libraries - a book that has been lost for centuries. Descended from an old and distinguished line of witches, Felicity wants nothing to do with magic, despite her unruly and powerful abilities. But her discovery of Ashmole 782 sets the world of creatures stirring; with a mystery afoot and new, dangerous magical abilities manifesting for her to navigate, she is approached by the enigmatic vampire biochemist Professor Oliver Queen, who seems to have a deep interest in both the manuscript… and her. Based on A Discovery of Witches by Deborah Harkness. https://archiveofourown.org/works/16224353/chapters/37923743

Twist of Fate by @wrldtravler for the Olicity Fan Art/Fanfic Appreciation Exchange - A lovely tumble through Arrow season 3 https://olicity-fanwork-exchange.tumblr.com/post/184295774082/twist-of-fate

Always by @icannotbelieveiamhere for the Olicity Fan Art/Fanfic Appreciation Exchange - My “Always” fic takes place right after episode 5.20 “Underneath”. It explores some of the issues Oliver and Felicity discovered while they were trapped under the bunker. Oliver and Felicity reflect on their time together and Oliver has a chance to thank his team and explain why he tried to disband the team after Adrian Chase tortured him. https://olicity-fanwork-exchange.tumblr.com/post/184298507947/always

Perfect Illusion by @jemmaacarters for the Olicity Fan Art/Fanfic Appreciation Exchange - In this version of season two, Felicity give Oliver a but more push back on her “promotion.” https://olicity-fanwork-exchange.tumblr.com/post/184299342269/perfect-illusion

Tumblr Drabbles multi-chapter WIP by @dreamsofolicity - This is a collection of small drabbles I posted on tumblr that come from prompts. http://archiveofourown.org/works/11833266/chapters/26708178

There Was Always Something There multi-chapter Complete by @mindramblingsfics - After having enough of Felicity's behavior, Malcolm sends his daughter to a London boarding school for some much needed structure. Years later, she finally returns home to Starling. She finds that some things are the same while some have changed. As she reacquaints herself with her hometown, one relationship stands out in particular: Oliver Queen. http://archiveofourown.org/works/11060544/chapters/24662730?view_adult=true

Love and Little Cupcakes multi-chapter WIP by @christinabeggs - Felicity loved sweets so much that she paid no attention to her lovelife. Until Thea Queen came into her store wanting fabulous cupcakes for her sixteenth birthday. SO ADORABLE! http://archiveofourown.org/works/12400539/chapters/28216053

Irresistible by @felicityollies - prompt: sleepless - Oliver has a cold, can’t sleep, and is trying to prove to Felicity that he can still be sexy with a snotty nose. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11034534/chapters/26799885

Sawaariya (Beloved) multi-chapter WIP by @crazycrystal10 - CEO Queen? Check. Author Ms.Smoak? Check. Married Olicity? Triple check. Story of Mr.&Mrs. Queen in the 'happily ever after'. AU. https://archiveofourown.org/works/11858814/chapters/26774514

// @emmaamelia95 // @mel-loves-all // @oliverfel4 // @green-arrows-of-karamel // @coal000 // @miriam1779 // @memcjo// @captainolicitysbedroom // @tdgal1 // @spaztronautwriter // @lalawo1// @quiveringbunny // @wrongshipper // @thebookjumper // @vaelisamaza // @myhauntedblacksoul // @lovelycssefan // @laurabelle2930 // @laxit21 //

#FabulousOlicityFanficFriday #olicity fanfiction #fic recs

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thatbitchydonutcollector · 6 years ago

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Where the Wild Things Are

Fenrys x Vaughan Fic : Part V

Kam’s Masterlist : Aly’s Masterlist (which she is making so stay tuned)

Note: Co written with @aly-of-the-wildfire, she deserves half of all credit and she is fabulous. This is the last chapter that is not utterly heartbreaking. We’re sorry.

Word Count: 1,203

Part V

With the wind in his wings and the sun warming his feathers, Vaughan soared high above the treeline with his eyes scanning the ground below.

Centuries old, a hard-edged warrior built to cut enemies down on the field; he found no greater pleasure than flying. The feeling was as glorious as victory. Vaughan felt every movement of the air moving through his bristling feathers. He breathed in as his broad wings cut through the thick of a cloud.

Orynth was the stark opposite of Wendlyn. Vaughan admitted to himself that he missed the ocean. Not even Orynth with its soaring mountains, pine trees, and heaps of ice could compare to the salt-kissed wind of the sea. Nothing could. Vaughan wondered if he would ever long for anything, adore anything as much as he did the ocean.

And then he remembered Fenrys.

Vaughan let out a screech as he let the air guide him down towards the ground. Dodging trees and heavy fog, he spotted an alabaster, furry form amongst the snow.

Fenrys moved swiftly and gracefully as he ran below him. His claws ripped into the snow, leaving massive paw prints the size of a human’s hand. Fenrys made a noise, not quite a howl yet in the same sense, seemingly saying: come closer.

If Vaughan could laugh in his bird form, he would have. Maybe you should sprout wings, dog breath. Vaughan let the air release him. He plummeted, feeling the chilled wind glaze over his wings that were tucked close to his sides. Fenrys whined suddenly, a noise he’d never made and one of concern, so Vaughan dove to Fenrys’s side.

The White Wolf snarled in displeasure.

Vaughan would have responded to him, but the pair reached the tree line and burst into an open clearing. A towering stone manor soared in the middle, the spires seeming to barely brush the clouds.

It became a race after that to reach the estate first.

Lorcan stood, waiting, at the front gate when Fenrys arrived seconds before Vaughan and shifted with a flash of light. His brown skin was stark against the pale of the snow around him, his hair almost blending in. He was beautiful. Those eyes of onyx and smirk of amber could bring worlds to their knees. Namely, Vaughan’s world.

Vaughan swept in and landed in the snow beside his mate in Fae form. Lorcan was staring at them, eyes trailing and arms crossed. “Welcome to Perranth.”

///

Perranth was as gorgeous as Orynth, but in a different way entirely. Orynth was sacred, the sign of the stag everywhere Vaughan looked, the hand of the gods seemingly etched into the architecture. Perranth was humble. No castle walls or proud stag standing in the middle of the square. The only large structure was the estate, the rest was of small and quaint townhouses, shops, inns, and restaurants outlined with golden lanterns strung across iron bars. Banners were hanging, rubble was on the streets. Presumably from the destruction of the war. The Valg did not treat the city with the respect it deserved.

And the lady of the land, she was something else. Truth be told, Vaughan had no idea what he had been expecting from the creature who had finally managed to tame Lorcan Salvaterre. In fact, he had to choke back a chuckle upon seeing the tiny, delicate woman; until he looked into her eyes. Lorcan’s lovers had always been fleeting, passionless, and abundant. But none of them possessed the same wisdom and cunning in their gaze as Elide Lochan.

It was no mystery why Lorcan nearly melted in her presence—gods, did he look at Fenrys that way?—until he asked Vaughan, “Where the fuck have you been?” While it was not an unreasonable question, it was one Vaughan had been dreading to answer.

Fenrys saved him from doing just that. “Hello to you too, Lorcan. Long time no see.” “We haven’t seen you in nearly a century, and you decide to show your hide now?” A note of anger hung in Lorcan’s words as he ignored the golden haired warrior.

“What you’re trying to say is ‘Thank you Vaughan and Fenrys for coming so far out of your way to help me protect my home while my lover is healing.’”

The Lady of Perranth snickered at that.

Despite a slight hiss from Lorcan, Vaughan approached where she sat on the chaise with her leg propped up next to her. He kissed the back of her hand and smiled. “I do not believe we have met. My name is Vaughan Emani.”

“Elide,” she said quietly, but not timidly.

Vaughan continued, “You must be something very special to be the lover of this old fae bastard. I must admit, I am already impressed by you.”

“And you must be something very special to have avoided the terrors of the war this past winter, Vaughan Emani.” A glance between his mate and Elide. “And I am not some lover, I shall be his wife.”

Oh, Vaughan liked this girl indeed. She clearly had no intention of being a fleeting tryst in the night. Even surrounded by three powerful Fae soldiers, she held herself with courage and confidence. Vaughan could indeed invision Elide Lochan galloping through a war-ridden field, picking through the dead, hunting for Lorcan. No, she was not to be trifled with.

Vaughan looked at Lorcan and a mutual respect for the woman passed between them.

“You are the Lady of Perranth, which means your husband would take your name.” Fenrys drawled. “Lorcan, that would make you, Lord Lorcan Lochan.”

Vaughan failed to contain the laugh that escaped him.

Fenrys smiled upon hearing the sound as Lorcan replied, “So I have been told.” Elide patted his hand, as if in consolation. Vaughan observed as Lorcan leaned into the touch

A pause, latent with tension filled the room, until he broke it. “So, what sort of ‘criminal activity’ should we be expecting?” He inquired.

He and Fenrys turned to the warrior beside the chaise. Lorcan cleared his throat. “The scouting parties sent out to the border of the city have come back in pieces, or not at all.” There was hesitation in his voice, as he added, “I have yet to investigate.” No one failed to catch the glance he shot to Elide.

The tiny female rolled her eyes. “May I remind you, I survived for years before I met you? I am not some delicate thing in danger of breaking. And I refuse to be the reason you fail to safeguard my territory after it was just rescued by our new queen. I’ll be fine, you stubborn brute.”

Lorcan’s response was cut off by a faint chuckle from Fenrys. The answering glare could cut any lesser male down in a heartbeat.

Before the two could escalate things, Vaughan interjected, “I am quite positive Fenrys and I can handle it. Surely nothing could survive the pair of us.” He didn't imagine the relief that flashed over Lorcan's face. When no one in the room could come up with an objection, the Soldier of the Sea looked towards his mate and smiled. “Care to go hunting tomorrow?”

“I’d be delighted.” The White Wolf replied.

:Previous Part: :Next Part:

Tag List: @ablackbirdsinging @taurusfaebabe @moonbeamsmate @miladyaelin @wolffrising @ourbooksuniverse @frida-khalo-is-a-babe @norisdedith @cmoff1 @ehazzard7 @elidethewise @faequeenaelin @inrealliampain @destiny14444 @nephelle-warrior-scribe @courtofdreamsandterrasen @aelin-godkiller @supebowlere @pattyb324-blog @pouchedmilk @courtofdreamsandterrasen @musicmaam @lorcanswife @forever-phantastic @ntsclbkwrm @acorhysandfeyre @bloody-aelin-archive @books-are-my-therapist @thewavesofthesea @feysand-and-rowaelin @bookofmaas @highladyofidris @acotag @prince-dolokhov @courtneyehk @illyrianbeauty

Let us know if you’d like to be tagged! Comments/reactions/love is greatly appreciated and it keeps us moving.

#wtwta #wtwta fic #fenrys x vaughan fic #vaughan x fenrys #fenrys x vaughan #fenrys moonbeam #fenrys #tog #sjmaas #sarah j maas #sjm

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stargleeksil-blog · 7 years ago

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Criminal Minds S07E03 “Dorado Falls” review

Episode 03 – Dorado Falls

Hey y’all!

So this episode’s name is too vague for me to make speculations about what might happen ... hoping for something witty and awesome.

Let’s see what happens.

And she’s officially back :)

“Hey, good morning.”

Okay, now I want Prentiss as my BFF. Seriously. Free coffee in the morning before work? Perfection.

“Oh, look at you spoiling me. Thank you.”

“Where’s yours?”

“Oh, I quit caffeine. Trying to relax more.”

“Well, don’t relax too much. You got ten hours of takedown and arrest procedure training to rectify.”

“Since when?”

“Since the hearing.”

“Am I the only one?”

“Prentiss, you’ve been away.”

“Oh, yeah. I guess I can’t complain.”

“Well, especially not to your trainer.”

“Oh! You’re doing it?”

“Don’t get too excited. I’m about to put you through the wringer.”

“You can believe that.”

Oh my goodness, Prentiss’s look of excitement and then confusion is killing me.

Though I’m totally with her on that one. Why is Derek so excited on putting her through the wringer?

“Workplace massacre this morning at Synalock Incorporated. That’s in Charlottesville, which his practically in our backyard.”

“That’s a high body count.”

“Yeah, eight victims in total. All employees, including the CEO.”

Damn.

”Five shot, three were stabbed to death.”

“A gun and a knife. That’s highly unusual.”

“It could be two killers.”

“That would be the first time for a workplace killing.”

“Their business in Internet security for corporations. They didn’t have video surveillance?”

“They just moved into a new building. They didn’t have time to set up their system yet.”

“How is it no one saw anything?”

“The killer was prepared. Highly organized. This was premeditated.”

“He kept his emotions contained.”

“Pretty hard to do for the typical workplace killer who’s mentally ill or outraged about some perceived injustice.”

“The high body count indicates a hell of a lot of rage.”

“One employee, John Owen, was MIA. Local PD haven’t been able to locate him yet.”

Oops.

“Any unhappy clients?”

“Or a domestic situation among the employees?”

“Don’t know, but your friendly neighborhood genius girl will find out.”

“Bottom line is a mass killing is a classic show of force. It’s a way to become known. Which is why suicide, often by cop, is usually part of the plan.”

“So where’s the unsub?”

“He has a reason to stay hidden. He’s not finished yet.”

Well, fuck.

Franklin D. Roosevelt: “Men are not prisoners of fate, but prisoners of their own minds.”

“Absolutely. These are Agents Rossi and Jareau and Dr. Reid.”

I love his cutesy little wave.

“Of course. As soon as we make our assessment.”

Someone needs to put a plug in that whole media coverage before the cops arrive thing.

“So what do we know about the missing employee so far?”

“You said the CEO’s office was ransacked.”

“JJ.”

Let’s go investigate.

“The position of the body suggests he was one of the last ones killed.”

“He tried to escape and almost made it to the exit.”

“Jane Burney and Vinia Dev were here. Jane tried to run, Vinia didn’t.”

How does he know that? Because he’s the most genius genius to ever genius my genius.

...

And, you know, maybe he’s good at his job ... maybe.

“She’s half under her desk, which means she tried to hide and the unsub found her.”

“So these three were stabbed and the rest were shot to death.”

“Yes, but the bloody footprints all seem to come from the same pair of shoes.”

“Given the evidence, if there were a second killer, he’d be hard-pressed to get away without leaving tracks.”

“If there was only one unsub, he used his gun first, emptied his magazine, didn’t have a replacement, and resorted to using his knife.”

“He’d have to be physically fit or at least intimidating enough to subdue so many people.”

“If this were highly premeditated, he would have brought enough ammunition to kill everyone.”

“Unless he had a single target.”

“He killed the rest of them because they were witnesses.”

“We need to figure out who his first victim was.”

“These are contracts Synalock had. What was the unsub looking for?”

“Maybe he was a client searching for his own contract to hide any connection to Synalock after the murders.”

“Ah, everything’s digital these days, though. The hard copy’s just a backup.”

Oh my cute fossil, Rossi.

“So the unsub’s looking for an object, an old record, something not on a computer.”

“Huh. Rossi, check this out.”

“So, uh, Werner was worried enough about his safety to be armed.”

“And he didn’t have time to go for his gun or didn’t perceive the threat to be immediate.”

“Or keeping a gun around was out of force of habit.”

“He was a veteran.”

“A naval officer by the looks of it.”

“A decorated one at that.”

“He was awarded the Navy Cross in 2000.”

“Something else used to be here.”

“Another picture frame.”

Ruh-roh.

“Blood splatter overlay patterns indicate victim number three was over here.”

“Victim number two right here.”

“And finally victim number one right here.”

“Adam Werner was killed first?”

“Looks that way.”

“Which means the unsub made it all the way in here without alarming anyone.”

“He wasn’t threatening.”

“That’s why Werner didn’t pull the gun we found in his office.”

“He could have been the missing employee.”

“He may have taken that photo form his office if he was in it.”

“Why would an employee be interested in Synalock’s contracts?”

“Maybe this is about one client.”

“He could be after specific company information.”

“He had another motive besides killing.”

“It was clean and fast.”

“He sliced through the left carotid and abdominal aorta, major arteries that would bleed out quickly.”

“They all took two .45s to the chest, except for Adam Warner. He took four body shots and one to the head, execution style.”

“Definite overkill.”

“Somebody was angry with the boss.”

“Somebody with hunting skills.”

“Or a law enforcement background?”

“Talk to me, little genie.”

“Well, since you know how to rub my lamp, your wish is my command.”

Facepalming, grinning and giggling all at the same time here.

“I checked the Synalock client list, and the Defence Intelligence Agency is new to them, so there really isn’t anything to report, and everyone else is crazy happy with their service.”

“No complaints logged in?”

“Zero. I’m talking every high-tech blog, every chat room, glowing accolades. No one had anything contrary to say about Synalock.”

“Any employees have a history of domestic disturbances or stalkers?”

“Not that I’d violate privacy laws to check, she says, but the answer is no.”

“So Synalock is clean.”

“As a whistle.”

“Which reminds me …”

“You know how to whistle, don’t you?”

“You just put your lips together and blow.’

Oh my goodness, I love this ridiculous goddess and hunky chocolate adonis so freaking much.

“I love it when you talk old movies. Later, baby girl.”

“With all the overkill on Werner, there’s got to be a personal connection.”

“We’ve located John Owen, the missing employee. He’s been at a Doctor Who convention in San Diego since Saturday. It was a scheduled vacation.”

“Lucky guy.”

“I’ll say. That’s supposed to be an awesome convention.”

Dead here. Because I know I will never find a man as perfect as Spencer in real life.

“So if it wasn’t someone connected to the workplace, who is it?”

“You know, given the precision of the kills, it could be someone with a military background.”

“Or a professional hired by a business competitor.”

“A hit man would just kill Werner. Killing the entire office seems unprofessional.”

“Werner was a Navy veteran. He had DIA contracts. He had close ties to the military. It could be someone from his past harboring an old grudge.”

“Trooper, issue a Be on The Lookout to law enforcement for a physically fit male in his 30s to 40s, possibly a veteran. He appears nonthreatening and blends in easily. He’s armed and extremely dangerous. He most likely will kill again, either himself or others, very soon.”

You know, as serious as this is, the whole “Luke, I’m your father” thing is just too much for me and I cannot control my giggles.

“Are we sure the unsub is their son?”

“Luke Dolan called Synalock early this morning. Garcia confirmed it.”

“Know many 60-year-olds with a boombox?”

Not anymore. Which is sad.

“Trying to mask the sound of gunshots?”

“Could be. Or he was torturing them with sound.”

That metal music was definitely torture, bro.

“Why were they bound and gagged in the closet? Why not just kill them right away?”

“Maybe he was trying to get information from them.”

“About what?”

“Go ahead, Garcia, you’re on speaker.”

“Okay, Luke Dolan was in the same Navy unit as our CEO Adam Werner. That would be the 212th. They were both communication clerks at Camp Patriot in Kuwait. I’m sending all this information to your emails now.”

“Any other family?”

“He has a wife, Jenna. They’ve been separated for years. She lives in Bethesda with her eight-year-old daughter.”

“We need to bring her in for protective custody and to interview her. Send local PD and have our nearest unit meet them.”

“Done and done.”

Duh.

“Okay, it looks like he served thirteen years, honorable discharge in 2005. And now a VP of a biotech company. He was never a Synalock employee.”

“So what happened to this guy?”

“He was separated from his wife about a year ago, but that’s a bit far back to be a trigger.”

“Well, he’s on a rampage of some kind. What if mentally he was reliving a combat situation?”

“It could be post-traumatic stress. Everybody could look like an enemy.”

“Prentiss, this was a close-knit family.”

“Look at them.”

“They couldn’t have been more proud of their son.”

“How bad would his disorder have to be to make him kill his own parents?”

“Post-traumatic stress disorder rarely turns people into killers, but soldiers with PTSD have been known to strangle their wives in bed while having flashbacks or nightmares, believing they’re on the battlefield.”

“In 2005, an Iraqi war vet assaulted two people in Las Vegas, believing them to be enemy combatants.”

“So Dolan’s having a sustained flashback.”

“Pathological disassociation is one of the markers of complex PTSD, although Dolan has been stateside for six years. An escalation of the symptoms is possible, but it would be rare for them to appear out of nowhere.”

“Well, he seems to have made a successful transition to civilian life.”

“Well, at least on paper it does.”

“We should find out if he’s had any symptoms since he left the navy. It could have been the catalyst for the separation.”

“I’ll have Garcia check his records.”

“Hotch, Dolan’s been going through this.”

“Look, old mementos and journals from his days in the service.”

“He didn’t come here just to kill his parents. He came to get something.”

“He’s on some sort of mission.”

“The car’s washed, spotless inside, there’s no paint separation or rust.”

“This accident was recent.”

“I agree.”

“The Navy’s in his blood. he would never let that go without getting it fixed immediately.”

“It might have triggered his condition.”

“I’ll have Garcia run the plates, check for any recent accidents.”

“So, Dolan left his sedan and didn’t take the parents’ car.”

“He was smart enough to know it’d be tracked.”

“He’s either on foot or he’s stolen another vehicle.”

“If he’s capable of doing this, he’s rational and clear-headed enough to evade his perceived enemies.”

“So despite any mental incapacity, he’s still performing at a high level.”

“Just got word the local PD’s at the wife and daughter’s house.”

“Dolan’s unpredictable when he’s on a rampage. We need to go wide. We need to get the profile to the press.”

“Luke Dolan is a Navy veteran we believe is suffering from PTSD.”

“A recent trauma may have triggered this. He is experiencing pathological disassociation and may believe he’s in a combat situation.”

“What this means is, to him, everyone is a potential enemy. Do not underestimate him. Despite his mental state, he has extreme survival skills.”

“Right now, we believe he’s within a 250-mile radius of Roanoke. He is armed and extremely dangerous.”

“It is important that you do not approach him. He believes that he is on a mission, and if threatened, he will kill. So if you see him, stay away and notify the authorities.”

I’ll tell you whatever you want, gorgeous.

“One thing’s been bothering me is the first victim, Adam Warner, was given the Navy Cross in 2000.”

“We weren’t at war.”

“Exactly.”

“You have to show extreme sacrifice, risk life and limb to win the second-highest medal of valor.”

“So what did he do during peacetime to deserve it?”

“So, Garcia’s discovered part of Dolan’s military records were encrypted.”

“I just got the complete file to the Pentagon. He wasn’t a clerk. He was a Navy Seal.”

“Let me guess. Adam Werner was, too.”

“Yeah. Werner was the seal team leader, Dolan was his number two. Their unit was part of JSOC. They were involved in twenty highly classified missions.”

“Which missions were in 2000?”

“Uh, only one. Operation Dorado Falls.”

“See what you can find about it.”

“Will do.”

Good.

“That changes the profile.”

“Definitely.”

“How so?”

“Navy Seals are screened carefully for vulnerability to PTSD. They’re resistant to it.”

“So why would a trained Navy Seal kill his commanding officer and his own parents?”

“I don’t know, but it’s gonna be a lot harder to find him. Very few people on this planet are capable of stopping him.”

“Luke Dolan just evaded a roadblock near his wife’s house. They searched the surrounding area. There’s no sign of him.”

Well, this just turned from crap tp shit.

“Did you notice any recent changes in Luke’s behavior?”

“Did he ever mention Dorado Falls?”

“A mission he was on.”

“Is that why you two separated?”

“You weren’t a priority to him?”

“He had an exit strategy.”

Oh that poor woman. Her husband had an exit strategy from life and she took it personally.

“Okay, so it turns out 6:20 Friday night, Dolan got in a car accident in Bethesda.”

“That must have been after he dropped off his daughter.”

“He suffered minor injuries, he refused medical treatment.”

“Well, his wife said he was fine when he left her.”

“What was his mental state after the accident?”

“Normal. Field sobriety test came up negative.”

“That wouldn’t rule out drug use.”

Well, crap.

“I’d consider schizophrenia, except he’s the wrong age for the first psychotic break. It could be an aneurysm or a brain tumor.”

“Well, one thing’s for sure. He’s having a mental breakdown, but what are the specific features of it?”

“He’s not living in a past time and place, he’s living in the present, with the capacity and intelligence to evade law enforcement.”

Wow, that woman is rattled. Though any sane woman would if her husband was forced out of their house at gunpoint and she was left wondering what the fuck is going on.

“Mrs. Milgram …”

“Ma’am, listen to me. The FBI is in charge of looking for your husband, but I need you to try to remember what Luke Dolan said.”

“Yes, you can.”

“Just close your eyes.”

“Ma’am, I believe that you can.”

“Just listen to the sound of my voice and you’ll be fine.”

“Just try.”

“Close your eyes. There you go.”

“Just relax and breathe. Very good.”

“Now, what were you doing before he broke into your house?”

“Does he think your husband did something to them?”

“Does he mention Dorado Falls?”

Yup.

“All of the Milgrams’ cars are still here, so he must have taken the General in whatever vehicle he came in.”

“He talked about gaslighting. He thinks someone’s trying to purposely distort his reality.”

“He said his parents had been replaced.”

“He sounds delusional.”

“You know, he might have Capgras syndrome.”

Huh?

“It’s a delusional disorder in which one believes that their friends and loved ones had been replaced by impostors.”

“Sort of like Invasion of the Body Snatchers.”

“It typically involves only one sense, such as sight.”

“Basically, the neural connection between the visual cortex and the emotional center of the brain becomes severed, so that looking at a loved one doesn’t elicit the same emotional response one would expect.”

“So you think they’re an imposter.”

“And the interesting thing is that the auditory connection remains intact, so that if they were to hear a loved one speak and not see them, they’d think that they were real.”

“What causes this syndrome?”

“It’s unknown in 60% of the cases, but the rest have an organic cause, such as a tumor or head trauma.”

“He was in a car accident Friday.”

“People with delusional disorders don’t become killers, though.”

“True, but Dolan’s background as a Navy Seal, his knowledge of secret missions, plus Capgras syndrome, could result in extreme paranoia.”

“It’s the perfect storm.”

“Is there a cure for this?”

Nope. Shit.

“So this guy’s stuck with it.”

“He’s not killing for the thrill of it, he does it because he believes he has no other choice.”

“He murdered his best friend and his parents because he believed they were imposters.”

“So if he were to see his wife and daughter, the results could be deadly.”

“Dolan kidnapped the General and didn’t kill his wife because he had never met them before.”

“There may be another reason. He wants contact.”

“Our primary goal right now is the safe recovery of the General.”

“We could. But your help would speed things up.”

“You’re smart enough to see the upside, I’m sure.”

“You help and it goes well, you get your ticket punched.”

“You don’t and it goes south, well, the weather’s not too bad outside the beltway.”

“You know why Dolan’s so worried about this mission?”

“Were there complications?”

Oh damn. She don’t mess around.

“We think his car accident triggered a delusional disorder.”

“We need to know who Luke was close to.”

“Is this Lieutenant Luke Dolan?”

“Sergeant Major David Rossi, United States Marine Corps, retired.”

“I volunteered to call you.”

“I knew your dad, Luke. We were in boot camp together at Parris Island.”

“He’s a good man.”

“Still triangulating a location. Hold on.”

“Now, we can talk, but first I need to know that General Milgram is safe.”

“What’s up with the music?”

“I have no idea.”

You know, I am getting real tired of these writers stealing my thunder.

“Why did you kidnap the General?”

“Do you think we’re holding them?”

God. This guy is off his meds. And pretty bad.

“What have you got, Garcia?”

“Getting closer. We’re in the warehouse district. Stand by.”

“Got it! 3352 Spring Street.”

Go! Go! Go!

“Let’s go.”

“Release the General and then we can talk about your family. He’s innocent.”

“Luke, do you think your father would approve of what you’re doing?”

“Start what?”

What the fuck is this nutcase talking about?

“Why don’t you tell us your side of the story?”

“All right.”

“Dorado Falls was the name of a boat off the coast of Cape Town. It was owned by a South African diplomat who was selling nuclear secrets to Iran.”

“So what’s the big secret?”

“There isn’t one. Don’t get me wrong, lives were lost, but there’s been far worse missions.”

“His mind chose Dorado Falls to build a conspiracy around.”

Well, shit.

“This can’t be it.”

“Garcia, it’s an empty lot with a cell phone repeater. Give me a rundown on the buildings in the area and the years that they were built.”

“All over it like cat hair on a sofa.”

Someone zap her here so I can kiss her.

“Btw, I can usually locate a cell phone within three meters, but sometimes there are circumstance beyond my control, like physical barriers blocking a signal, not being in the satellite’s direct line of sight, which bounces the signal to a repeater.”

“Garcia, tell me you’ve got something.”

“Oh, sorry. Yes, I have something.”

Oh my God, she is the cutest thing ever.

“There is a hotel built in ’74 that is scheduled for demo, and there is a warehouse scheduled for loft conversion that was built in 1928.”

“All right, walls were thicker in the twenties.”

“What’s the address of the building?”

“More GPS signal interference.”

Come on, baby.

“Exact address is … 291 Hope Street.”

“291 Hope.”

“Intel failed to identify … two children aboard the boat.”

“You had to shoot those kids, didn’t you? They were witnesses. Just like everyone at Synalock.”

“Listen, Jenna and Ally are safe.”

“I’ll make you an offer. You let Milgram go and I’ll take his place.”

“But you need insurance. I get that. Let me take his place. Because I’m not just a guy behind a desk.”

“I was a Marine with boots on the ground, just like you.”

“I know what you’ve been through.”

“I want you to get your family back.”

“Where’s Hotch and Morgan?”

“The Spring Street address didn’t pan out. They’re searching the warehouse right now.”

“Luke, I need your exact address.”

“Clear.”

“We got the General. He’s still alive.”

Where the fuck is Dolan?

“Yeah, he used the radio to mask the sound of his movements.”

“We’re on the move.”

“This was all part of his plan to find out who was holding his wife and daughter.”

“But you never said you were FBI.”

“He saw the number I called from. He recognized the FBI prefix.”

“So, what, he’s on his way here to Quantico?”

“I know the head space he’s in. he feels alone right now. There’s no risk he won’t take.”

“As a Navy Seal, he did training here. He knows this place.”

Seal everything.

“An FBI police officer was just found shot to death in the academy parking structure.”

“He’s already here.”

Shit.

“Dolan’s photo’s already been sent on all internal servers.”

“He’s probably changed his appearance already.”

“And he’s got thirteen floors to hide on.”

Fuck.

“We should make a general PA announcement.”

Hey, I know that weirdo.

“No. He believes he’s on a rescue mission that he can pull off. As long as he thinks that, he’ll stay calm.”

“I’ve got hundreds of employees in here and you want me to do nothing?”

Seriously, dude?

“Garcia, I need you on the building’s operations computer.”

“Ready and able, sir.”

“Dolan’s got a police radio. I want all alerts sent through ha secure tactical channel.”

“We can’t take that risk. You’ll be safe in here.”

Good, keep them safe.

“He knows how to be invisible.”

“I got him. He used the dead officer’s ID to enter the seventh floor.”

“Seal if off. Nobody in or out.”

Oh boy.

“Navy Seals never start a mission without an exfiltration plan. Check the exterior and elevator shafts for riggings.’

“Turning exterior cameras now.”

“A member of the seal team said Dolan’s an expert in explosives, disabling and building them.”

“Also be on the lookout for explosives.”

Fuck.

Wack calling, let Rossi handle it.

“Hello.”

“Yes. I was hoping you’d call, Luke.”

“Where are you?”

Shit. He’s there with a fucking bomb and fucking shit I am not okay with this.

“Okay, okay. Easy, easy.”

“Oh, my God.”

“All right, Luke, you don’t want to be aiming that around.”

“Snipers have the building covered.”

“You’re in the crosshairs right now, I can guarantee that.”

“I’m the one you want. You can let my team go.”

“Start an evacuation.”

“Can we evacuate everyone in three minutes?”

“Prentiss, I need his wife in here.”

“No one is seeking revenge here. You’ve created this conspiracy in your own mind.”

“To protect them from you after you murdered your own parents.”

“Your real parents are dead.”

DUDE! What the fuck are you doing?!

“You want to know what’s really going on? You were in a car accident three nights ago and you suffered a head trauma.”

“You don’t believe that’s her?”

Shit.

“Jenna, can you talk to him about something personal, something that only the two of you would know about?”

“When you see your family, you think that they’re imposters, but it’s all caused by an illness.”

“You’re sick, Luke.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Luke, you have to close your eyes.”

“Because you need to know that your wife is real and your eyes will trick you.”

“Close your eyes.”

“First Jenna’s gonna cover up your eyes.”

Shit.

“No! No!”

“JJ, let me have him.”

“Get him out of here!”

Ah crap, it all went to shit.

Orson Welles: “Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for a moment that we’re not alone.”

“No, I didn’t mandate it.”

Wait. So Hotch didn’t mandate the training? Oh boy, my puppy really stepped in it this time.

“Hey.”

“Uh, Hotch didn’t order my takedown recertification.”

Busted.

“Do you want to tell me what’s really going on?”

“I just thought we both could use a refresher.”

“You mean you thought I could use it.”

“You’re nervous about me being back.”

“Emily …”

“What … you think I’m gonna mess up the team’s rhythm?”

“I get it. But just come out and say it.”

“Morgan.”

“Okay, fine.”

“Yea, I am nervous.”

“But not about you.”

“About me.”

“Emily, I thought I lost you, and I blamed myself.”

“Now, you’re back, but I don’t want to be worried about losing you again and get distracted.”

“So you wanted some reassurance.”

“Yeah, something like that.”

“Morgan, I cannot imagine what you went through.”

“It was seven months of hell.”

“How can I make it up to you? I will do whatever it takes.”

“Just give me ten hours of training.”

“Okay, you got it.”

“Shooting range on Sundays.”

“I’m there.”

“And my morning coffee and a neck rub every day.”

“Oh, buddy, you are really pushing it.”

Morgan, you little shit!

Whew. So aside from the craziness of this entire episode, because - hot damn! - this episode was so cute! Morgan dealing with his mixed feelings about Prentiss coming back and being worried he might lose her again, it’s just the most adorable subplot there is.

Also, I just found out that Reid likes to go to Doctor Who conventions, and it just made my day.

Also, I love how they address PTSD and general trauma-coping in military veterans. It’s seriously refreshing how they keep addressing all issues in human psyche around the vast country of the USA. Amazing.

And so, on this ... positive? ... note, I thank you all for keeping on following this stuff.

I’ll see you all next time and - in the meantime, enjoy the rest of the photos of Shemar Moore I’ve been hoarding.

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iblameashley · 7 years ago

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In Defense of ST: DSC (long)

So... because I apparently like to torture myself, I sat through the whole 20-odd minutes of the Dave Cullen show’s review of DSC’s first two episodes. I jotted down some notes as I was watching and decided I was going to write my thoughts about his review.

Spoilers -> You won’t be warned again!

He’s not the only one to heavily criticize the show, but I keep hearing the same complaints, and most of them feel like petty cop-outs to simply hate on the show for not being the same formula as other Trek shows.

One this I read on Reddit (though I admit I would be hard-pressed to find it now) was that is was “Hard to believe” that in the 23 century, Captain Phillipa would have an accent.

What?

It’s hard to believe that maybe her parents raised her to be multi-lingual through hard work and study? Somehow she should always rely on the universal translator? We don’t eve know much about her, its possible learning languages was a hobby, or maybe her first career was a linguist. This whole complain seems like it was a way to disguise bigotry over a woman’s accent. But I have no proof of that. Its simply my opinion.

Moving on. Image below details my notes. I’ll go through the,.

One of Dave’s first complaints was that other Trek shows down-played diversity and made it “not a big deal.” But if you were to look at the history of Trek, you’d see that White Men* are generally more represented than others. He talks about how America is mostly white, but that doesn’t hold water with me. Star Trek is about the future, surely there would be more racially diverse people on board Starfleet vessels.

Diverging from the status quo doesn’t mean Discovery should be shamed for trying to include more characters with different backgrounds. Frankly, this cast seems more in line with Trek than a lot of the others.

To say that Discovery is anti-white is also a long shot... a shot that misses the mark as well. Of the overall cast, 7 of them are white in various roles. A white man is the captain, a white man in the main engineer, a white man plays Saru, and two white women play engineers. They even appear to have a robot / andriod on the bridge, does he count as white... or... not?

The Main Character, who is a woman, is named Michael?!?! Michael Learned, Michael Michele, and Michael Saunders are all women in real life. Yes, Michael is an unusual name for a girl, but that doesn’t mean its impossible. Ashley (For whom this blog blames) and I had this conversation the other day. I don’t see this as any different than Jayden / Hayden or Kelly or (As Ashley pointed out) Ashley. All can be used for boys and girls. This is a non-issue. You are literally finding any reason to hate this show if you have to pick on a god-damn name.

I can’t believe the Klingons are speaking in Klingon and I have to read subtitles! You know what... you just can’t fucking win. For DECADES people, Trekkies, have bemoaned the fact that all aliens speak in English nearly all the time. Now that Discovery has broken that cycle, they bitching about them not speaking in English. “I had to read subtitles for several scenes.” Oh boo fucking hoo. The production team went out of their way to make these scenes and avoid the “Everyone-speaks-english” trope. Like, legit, its a trope. Aliens Speak English (TV Tropes Link).

The opening scene with the Captain and Michael is pointless. The next complaint is that the opening scene means nothing. Despite the fact that it serves to introduce us to the characters and their motivations, it’s pointless. Saving a pre-warp civilization from dying out by breaking the Prime Directive is a staple of Trek Captains. We also learn more about Phillipa and Michael, and the plans Phillipa has for her. I think it also helped to expand on the Star Trek universe by showing us more alien-aliens. As for the Starfleet insignia drawn in the sand... that was meant to be a nod to the audience. It was meant to be fun... thanks for killing the fun, fun-killer.

The opening credits suck!!! To be honest, for the first two episodes I too hated the opening, but now that I’ve watched it a few more times, I’ve come to enjoy it. My favorite opening has always been Voyagers, the quality of the show aside, the opening was amazing (to me). I would say I enjoy them in the following order: VOY > TNG > DSC > DS9 > TOS > ENT. I’m sure we all have our list, and that’s mine. Discovery ranks high for me for Opening Credits. The problem with this complaint is that its super-super-super subjective. But the way he picks on the theme seems to go back to my final thoughts about Michael’s name and Klingon Language. Nit-picking for the sake of it.

Using a telescope to look at something in space?! Insane!!! Yeah... he mocks the use of a telescope to try and view the object from the first episode when the sensors can’t get a good reading on it. Uhhh... what?! That was smart. Sometimes the best technology is old technology... I legit don’t know what to think about this. What?! Really?!

*inhales* Klingons are White-supremacists of the Star Trek universe and their desire to remain “pure” makes them the good guys. Fuck that was a lot to type out without suffering a stroke. While the producers admit that they modeled the Klingons of Discover after Trump Supporters and Supremacists, in no way are the Klinons the good guys. Setting aside the fact that he claims the Federation is essentially invading Klingon space (they were simply at the border and places a comm-relay there), the Klingons made the first move. They destroyed Federation property and slowly but surely instigated a fight. Yes, Michael was planning to attack first, but not to try and start a war, but to talk to them in a language they understood. I agree that if a people want to remain isolated, the Federation has no grounds to force themselves upon them, but that’s not what the Federation was planning. They would have invited the Klingons to join the UFP like all other member worlds, and would have accepted the choice to decline. The Klingons in Discovery want war. They want to use their cause as a rallying cry to unite their people, and have no problem pulling innocent people into their political bullshit.

Furthermore, the concept of “pure” is an outmoded idea. Whether its 2017 or 2256, there is no basis for remaining pure. It is more likely that all people would have mixed DNA to some degree (whether you can see it physically or not), and Culture can quickly and easily adapt or change with every new encounter with new peoples.

Women were only cast as the Captain and First Officer as virtue signalling. Women represent half of the human population and only one other woman has been a Captain in her own series in 50 years of Star Trek. I don’t think its unfair to have another woman step-up and take command. That being said, since Captain Phillipa dies in the second episode, I hardly think you could say they were using this for political reasons or to appeal to the “left” since one of the biggest issues these days is disposable female characters. Look at (TV Tropes again) Disposable Women, I Let Gwen Stacy Die, and Career Building Blunder. The reason women want a “Strong Female Character” is because they’re tired of always being the ones to be murdered or left behind or shown as weak or incapable. Killing off the female captain in the first episode actually follows the trend of killing off women to move the heroes story forward; the twist being the hero is a woman.

The Ethical Protocols were stupid. Actually, this seems to be rather smart of the part of Starfleet. Considering that most criminals in the Federation aren’t likely violent to begin with, the idea that the computer would be designed to allow everyone to escape a doomed ship is cool. Michael using logic to convince the computer to let her out so that she wouldn’t die when the power failed was pretty well executed. This is less stupid than the Logic Bomb destroying an andriod trope.

Denegration of Men.* He genuinely believes that the show actively looks down upon men. Because the show isn’t about the Captain? Who knows! But all the mens in the show are allowed to be mens and that’s bad! Considering he’s only watched the first two episodes and is unaware that 3 different men, playing 3 different characters all have 3 different personalities, I can’t take him seriously on this. He actually says (Sarcastically) at one point in the video that “Women are the future!” So what? What if they are? Unless you have some issues with female authority, why is this a problem? Why do you care about women in charge? It doesn’t take anything away from you. I don’t see how Discovery has treated men any differently than the women on the show.

As a side note, he also disliked Star Trek Beyond. He sees it as “Leftist” and yadda yadda....

He DID however, like the CGI in Discovery. Legit, his only compliment on the show.

And if you feel like dying a little inside, here is a link to his video:

Angry Ginger Hates Stuff

#Star Trek #Discovery #Star Trek Discovery #DSC #Trek #Rant #Ugh #My Stuff #Review #Review of a Review #Long Post #Leftist Bullshit #Propaganda #Diversity

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sanityrequiem · 7 years ago

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Forest of Despair Prologue

I forced my feet to run towards the school as fast as they would let me. Of course, that was not that fast, but what could I do? I was not the Ultimate Runner or anything close to that. If I was, I would actually be on time for school. How interesting it would be to see that alternate universe. Anyways, instead of anything interesting, I was the Ultimate Mediator, Akita Yamazaki.

Ultimate Mediator: Akita Yamazaki

My younger sister had caused me to be late for school again. Like always. I had to make sure she did not do anything stupid. She was only eleven, so she had a talent of doing every idiotic thing you could ever think of. Most of those including lots and lots of unneeded crying. The Ultimate Crybaby if I ever meet one. My father was like, You're the Ultimate Peace Keeper (no, dad, it was Ultimate Mediator, thank you very much), you should be able to handle a child. A child was harder to handle than any war. That was the only thing in life I knew for certain. For all I know, all the children in the world are actually one of the four horsemen, war. Then handling them is literally a war!

Although I was a mediator, actual war and the war caused by unruly children are two different beasts. War is Hell, no matter which one you examine. Only a fucking idiot would deny that. My years of experience show that the former is a lot less emotionally traumatizing.

Other from that little distraction, it was a fairly nice day. The sky was blue, the clouds white and the grass green. It is one of those cliche days you'll see in overly sappy TV shows. Then, when my feet finally stopped, and my heavy breathing began, I noticed I was in front of a large gate. Really should be paying more attention to my surrounding that doesn't look like they were stripped out of olden time Hollywood. Now it is stripped from the Japan of years past. Inside the gate was the biggest, most perfect building I had ever seen. The building of Hope's Peak Academy. It was the second one in Japan ever. The first one has been torn down years ago during the Tragedy, and this one was built in the same exact place, only now surrounded by a bunch of annoying white flowers. Of course, Hope's Peak had always been in Japan. Just like the old times, it stood tall, watching over the entire world. There had been a time where they wanted to expand, but that was before the Tragedy screwed over the world.

The Tragedy was an event that everybody knows about. Even if people were frozen in chambers or sleeping underneath rocks, they would have known the Tragedy. It caused the greatest loss of life the world has ever known, tallying in the billions, and even changed how the actual science of the world works.

Ever since they sent me a letter saying they had accepted me, I did my research about this new Hope's Peak Academy. Going somewhere without knowing anything is just going to bite you in the ass. There were various blogs about everything you could think of, ranging from the next Ultimates to why the school should be torn down. I actually saw my own name there a few times. My work as a mediator gains me praise from both sides because I keep them from killing each other. Just seeing that made me full of pride. My work being acknowledged! I was the one girl who had impressed the Academy just by one simple action. Okay, there were probably a lot of other kids who have done that, but let me have my moment of fame here. At least I was not something as boring as a lucky student.

Thinking about the Ultimate talents, I had so many more interesting ideas than Hope's Peak itself has. Last year somebody was the Ultimate Experiment Subject. What that means, I did not know. Why would a person like that be part of the school? I had no idea. Other than being a runner, I would have a talent related to the circus! Most people hate circuses, but I was not one of those people. The only thing I did not like about circuses is clowns. Screw clowns. Anyway, I had always wanted to be the ringleader of the circus, the one who controls them all! The Ultimate Ringleader!

...That sounds like I was a criminal in charge of a drug ring instead of a circus. Having that name for a talent was a fucking stupid idea...Oh dear, back on topic!

I never tried to get into Hope's Peak, for they wanted me more than I did them. My feelings towards the school were neutral. There were people who despised it, saying that it caused the Tragedy and others that celebrated it as the savior of the world. Without Hope's Peak, there would've been no Ultimate Hope, but Ultimate Despair would've never existed either. This new school was created by the Ultimate Hope himself, Matoko Naegi. The only person who could successfully ward off the Ultimate Despair, Junko Enoshima. Their story had been told to me over and over again in history classes. The story about how "Hope" was good and "Despair" was bad. Personally, I think both of them are overrated. I must rather walk the road of neutrality, not taking a side.

I started to walk towards the building when I suddenly filled with an awful dread. Something did not feel right. I ignored the feeling though, but now I regret I ever made that decision. It was stupider than anything my sister could have done. With my first step inside the building, my feet started to shake. My own stubbornness forced me to take yet another step. It was probably because of how much I ran, I told myself. I clenched my fists and continued walking forward.

The interior was fancy but nothing special. Just standard rich people shit. The walls were brown with posters all over them. Most of them were for clubs, yet I noticed one was a dance only open for people graduating. I guessed that was something to look forward to. Dances were okay as long as they had good music. If they did not, then I literally could not care less. Even if they gave me free food. I continued looking at the walls, mostly out of boredom, until I noticed two large doors. You know, something that actually is interesting. Inside was the room before the gym. A room painted with gold and awards from the classes before. From classes before, I mean before the Tragedy. Don't really have any awards now, and there has to be something to fill up all of this empty space. Might as well brag about your history. The biggest one was for the aforementioned Matoko Naegi. Okay, his name was now Matoko Kirigiri, but history class had brainwashed me into the Naegi surname. Damn you, history class! The trophy itself only stands out due to size, for it is literally just a golden cup with a name in the front.

Gold had become very rare due to the events of the Tragedy, like a lot of other precious materials. Having something made out of gold is just begging for the nearby gangs to loot your ass, or at least really, really want to. Maybe I should tell Mitsu-cho about this, she would be interested. Anything for my beloved.

Then I reached to the gym, where my email said we should meet. I opened the other pair of doors to see that nineteen other students were around me, all sleeping. Or dead. What really is the difference? It is kinda weird that this is how my day starts, but I make a living out of going to places that go to shit. This is what I call a normal Monday. There were supposed to be twenty-one of us, so I told myself that somebody must have been even later than me. In the middle of the room, on the podium, there was a small stuffed bear. It was black on one side, white on another. The thing that truly disturbed me the most about it was the red, lighting bolt-like eye on the black side of its face. Underneath it, there was a cruel smile that clashed with everything I stood for. Something that tries to force me to take a side in a conflict to come. The bear reminded me of a twisted Yin-Yang symbol.

"Welcome to the Killing Game, Akita Yamazaki," the bear announced. Its fluffy, little arms crossed.

"What? Did mom accidentally put something in my pancakes again?"

"You heard me right, Killing Game! A game of despair and hope!"

"..." When I first heard that, I thought it was only a cruel, sick joke. There was possibly an Ultimate Puppeteer or Trickster just setting up a punchline. I just happened to be the center of the joke. All my classmates were here before me, except one so it could have been punishment for being late.

"I know I am one handsome bear. Even I, with the greatest looks of all the bear kingdom, get embarrassed, you know? So say something! Confess your love to me!" The bear...toy...thing tried to hide his plush body with his tiny arms. Bear kingdom...I wondered where I heard that before.

"..."

"Kid, have you gone mute or something? Earth to Yamazaki!" Then, all at once, everything clicked. All the history stored in the secret parts of my brain forced itself onto me. My eyes dilated as I tried to step away. I did not know what to do, only to get away from there as fast as possible. I did not care how much my feet hurt or anything else inside me.

"Who...who are you?" I asked. My voice was clearly trying to stay unshaken. And that clearly did not work. Monokuma's demented facial expression told me that for certain.

"You should know my name very well, my sweet student. I am Monokuma! My talent is being the Ultimate School Headmaster!"

Ultimate School Headmaster: Monokuma

When Monokuma finished his introduction, I felt myself knock into someone. Probably because I was backing away from the living embodiment of all of my worse nightmares. I wondered if they were the other student, but the door clearly had not open again behind me. Their shadow was the only thing I could see. It was smaller than me. Something crashed into my head before I could realize more, and the next thing I knew was darkness.

Puhuhuhu.

Sometime later, I came to. The first thing I noticed was how differently the floor felt. It was sharp and uneven, the exact opposite of the wooden floor. I looked down to see I was laying on the grass, along with the classmates around me. We all seemed to be adjusting to the new setting.

There were trees all around me. I could swear I heard somebody sneeze. Then I turned back to see a large building behind us. It looked a lot like Hope's Peak Academy, but it was run down and old. Way older than anybody with me was. Pretty sure nobody here is over forty...hopefully.

"Welcome, kiddos, to your new school setting! The Suicide Forest!" Monokuma's red eye flashed.

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witches-and-weirdos · 7 years ago

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name: Kristóf gender: Male eye color: Brownish-greenish with a thin yellow circle in the very middle (I think that’s called hazel?) hair color: Dark brown relationship: Single zodiac: Pisces

favorite color: Blue favorite season: Spring favorite place: There isn’t really one, but I love nature, so forests, lakes, and abandoned and nature-reclaimed places favorite holiday: None (maybe christmas would be the closest one?) favorite video game: You cannot ask that from a gamer and expect him to give you just one... It’s far from fair... I’ll say Dawn Of War because it’s a roughly 13 year old game and it’s still one of the absolute best out there, plus the campaign of the second game was awesome. (The third game doesn’t look promising to me at all though, sadly.) last show you watched: I honestly have don’t know for sure, I watch so few and so rarely... It was probably RWBY though (does it look like a show for men? Probably not. Can I still love it? FUCK YEAH I CAN!)

what’s your honest opinion about your muse?

Lol, which one? I have 9 (actually... I don’t want to make a blog for her, but there is a 10th by now...)

Okay, so briefly:

Teemo: He’s a good guy doing wrong things. Kind of a monster if you look at his methods, but otherwise, he’s not a bad person at all. Also, he’s doing those things knowing they are terrible acts, and he secretly feels bad for them and believes it’s needed for a good cause, so there’s that. Contrary to popular belief, he doesn’t like doing it, his people just need him and that’s it.

Tristana: I LOVE HER! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW! I JUST ABSOLUTELY LOVE HER AND I COULD KEEP REPEATING THAT FOR A YEAR! (She is purposefully an asshole sometimes though, and that’s not okay, but at least she’s only an asshole towards those she dislikes. I mean, that’s not a good excuse, but I just LOVE HER too much to dislike it in her.)

Abe: Ugh, well, yeah, Abe is an asshole. Abe is a monster. Abe is someone I probably wouldn’t like to meet. HOWEVER. He is not evil. He has a good cause n his heart. Even if... he’s a racist asshole monster. I mean, he’s still a person with good intentions, friends and what not, and he was kinda turned into this by Noxus, but you know... excuses don’t justify.

Kenith: Probably the best person in my entire rooster. Yes, she has her own fair share of problems, but she risked her life for countless millennia to protect her kin and world, even though, she could have just simply left after the fall of her celestial lords. I’m sorry for making her go through so much and so incredible pain, but oh well... She is an actual hero!

Keronnen (the new one): Ugh... well... no good things to say about Keronnen... Except the sole fact that it’s not his fault, he was made to be a weapon of ruination, and who can blame him for being good at his job? Still though, he’s actually evil.

Mrazir and Teron: They are good guys in a tough situation, who’s only chance to survive was criminal activity. No wonder they do it even now! Aaaaand if you need the money/food more then them, they won’t steal it. Sure, they work for gangs, but that’s in the name of survival. Also, they are pretty good brothers, you have to credit them that much!

Kiara: Wow, this girl... oh my! I just... She does have her good side, yes, but otherwise she’s just such a crazy bitch, constantly on a killing rampage and often times not giving the faintest fuck about others... I just... I love her for that, somehow, she has her own charm, but in real life, I’d probably rather stay 2 countries away from her and feel threatened by her presence... for which she’d mock me endlessly, like the cheeky asshole she is... Well, a least she cares for children if she sees one... not sure if that’s good for them unless they need to be saved from mortal danger, but oh well...

would you date your muse? Guys get an instant no. Abe gets a double no, and Keronnen gets a triple no. I’d rather say Kiara a no too (and hope she doesn’t murder me for it, which, surprise, she actually wouldn’t). I’d think about Kenith but she has no real time for relationships so it probably wouldn’t really work anyway. And... OH BOY, WHO MENTIONED TRISTANA??? <3

what are your favorite kinds of threads? .................................probably the long and meaningful ones that effect my muse’s life significantly. Plus the ones where my muses find a new friend and can actually open up to them (or just have some real fun together). And you know what? Maybe anything with strong feelings in it!

are you a selective roleplayer? Nope. I interact with basically anyone, so long as their spelling and/or grammar doesn’t make me need to contact the other mun with the simple question of “What is happening here? I can’t understand anything.”. Which, of course, never happened before. (My favorite Tryndamere blog for example has a couple of minor grammar issues, but I just love his depiction and I always have at least one open thread with him.) The only thing I have a problem with is crossovers and duplicate interaction, but I tried both at least once. (Oh, yeah, and threads where my muse just feels useless due to circumstances.) I am always open to figuring stuff out though, so even something like those 3 can work if we had enough plotting beforehand.

do you have a favorite muse (if you have more than one)? A favorite muse... don’t be so cruel to ask for one, please...

what made you decide to join the fandom? I wanted to make an art blog to get better at drawing, and then I realized how absolutely awesome this whole RPing thing is. Also, huge shoutout for @keeper-not-hero who was one of the first few to make me fall I love with RPs and writing.

do you see yourself staying with the fandom for a long time? ABSOLUTELY!

tagging: @keeper-not-hero @shorthammertime @a-rat-and-a-blob @wild-magic-of-vastaya @veigar-the-evil-yordle and everyone else who reads this and wants to do it

tagged by: Stolen from @assistant-of-evil AND @darkin-within simultaneously!

(Well, there goes an hour or so of my life for something only about 3-4 people will probably read. Oh well...)

#It's not munday but who cares; I'm posting mun things when I want to!

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laughriotgrrrl · 7 years ago

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Iliza is wrong. But it’s not her fault (kinda).

By Bobbie Oliver On Twitter: @TheBobbieOliver

Iliza Shlesinger begins her interview in Deadline Hollywood ok, “a big part of my comedy is wanting to speak to women and people that are my age in a funny and relatable way. I think the landscape of what’s available out there for women is not as extensive as it could be.” So far, so good (except the limiting it to people her age). But, then she goes on to say:

“I’m so glad you asked that [the way she portrays female comedy in her new project] because I put in those sketches and no one’s ever asked me about it because I think people were too busy laughing in agreement. As a comedian, I have a set of morals. I have a specific point of view. I think a lot of what I see out there, out in comedy clubs, watching contests, watching TV, watching movies—gathering data from these different matrixes…

When you’re a woman in comedy and you get a break, people get so excited about it, but while we have to work hard to get that attention, I do think many women think, “Oh if I just act like a guy, if I go for that low hanging fruit…” Everything’s about sex, or how weird I am. It all just kind of runs together.

I could walk into The Improv, close my eyes, and I can’t tell one girl’s act apart from another. That’s not saying that 30-something white guys don’t all sound the same sometimes, but I’m banging my head against the wall because women want to be treated as equals, and we want feminism to be a thing, but it’s really difficult when every woman makes the same point about her vagina, over and over. I think I’m the only woman out there that has a joke about World War II in my set. I think shock value works well for women, but beyond that, there’s no substance. I want to see what else there is with such complex, smart creatures.”

I included the quote so no one could say I misrepresented her words. Those were her exact words. Since this was released, Iliza has been bombarded with responses from female comics (myself included) because it turns out people weren’t just “laughing in agreement” and that she did not succeed at talking to women “in a relatable way.” Did Iliza look at those comments, think ‘hmm maybe I am missing something and should listen to these women’s collective experiences?’ Spoiler! Um, no. She doubled down; she attacked; she ranted and raved and blamed women with (since deleted) tweets to the effect of ‘women shouldn’t complain about what I said; women just need to get better; my experience is more valid than yours; I worked TEN WHOLE YEARS and nobody gave anything to me; everyone is just jealous; if it doesn’t fit you, don’t be offended...’

There is SO MUCH to unpack there, and I may be all over the place cause I’m pissed I have to sit down and blog about this shit AGAIN. I just got finished producing the 3rd Annual Laugh Riot Grrrl Festival, which features over 100 female comedians each year in a week’s worth of shows and activities. I was feeling pretty good about the state of women in comedy (rare for me) and thinking we just smashed the Patriarchy, even if it were just a little. And then, I turn on my computer to see yet another dick dissing women in comedy, setting us back instead of propelling us forward- and this time that dick was a fellow female comic. I am angry, yes, but mostly I am disappointed. But, Iliza said this is her experience and we have to take that as gold. Well, here is my experience...

I started doing comedy in college at 19 years old in 1988 (a little longer than TEN WHOLE YEARS). As a elder in the comedy community (I am 49, been doing comedy for 29 years, teaching comedy for 13 years, wrote a critically acclaimed book about comedy, own a comedy school, was on the road for years on the East Coast and moved to LA 20 years ago, etc), I feel like it is my OBLIGATION not only to create as many opportunities for women in comedy as possible (in addition to my women’s comedy fest, I produce women-only open mics, feminist comedy shows, etc), but to elevate other women as often as I can ESPECIALLY IN PUBLIC INTERVIEWS. No, I am not rich or famous. Probably never will be. But, I have made my entire living off comedy most of my adult life and my experience matters, too.

Saying women shouldn’t be offended by her lazy answer in an interview if it doesn’t apply to them is like Trump saying Mexicans are rapists and black people are criminals but don’t be offended if you aren’t those things. Nice try. And women just need to get better?? Seriously? Do you know how tired you sound? How many racists have said, in response to being confronted on lack of diversity in their school, business, organization, ‘black people just need to earn it like the rest of us.’ Yeah, cause Obama was the first black man to ever be qualified to be President? Not even close.

Iliza, your experiences are a lot more limited than you realize. Ten years is nothing in comedy and you know that. It is a well-known adage in comedy that it takes 10 years just to find your voice. Getting to your level of success in 10 years thanks to Last Comic Standing (and yes, I and many female comics voted for you, and don’t regret it) is a fast track to the top, bypassing decades of work that other women have put in. Did you deserve that? Sure, why not? You deserve it as much as anyone. But, don’t pretend it didn’t come fast and relatively easy. Because of that, you haven’t worked in as many low level rooms as most of us, so your experience is limited mostly to comedy clubs. Comedy clubs rarely book women, even more rare to have two or more on a single show. All the years I was on the road, I was only in a comedy condo with another woman TWICE. The comedy clubs that do book women are not booking a representation of the best female comedy. Just like Justin Bieber being mega rich and famous is not a representation of the best in music. A more accurate comment would have been, ‘I walk into the Improv and they only book a few women and all the same kinds of female comics. Comedy clubs need more diversity.’

Iliza was right when she said that the “landscape of what’s available out there for women is not as extensive as it could be.” Therein lies the problem. But, you don’t begin by basing the state of female comedy on the “handful” of women you see around. For one thing, I know women who have been unbooked from shows with Iliza because her ‘people’ told them she doesn’t like to have too many women on a show (if those emails are false, she should take that up with her people). Also, most headliners, Iliza included (in my experience) don’t stay in the room and watch all the other comics. I am guilty of that, too. It’s easy to roll up in the club right before your set and leave the room right after. I mean, what comedian wants to watch every other comedian? But, that limits your ability to accurately report on the state of comedy. Because I produce so many events for female comics (and have to be in the room), I see hundreds of women perform yearly in open mics, standup shows, festivals, sketch groups, etc. By producing events like my yearly Women in Comedy Roundtable, I get to/choose to listen to women A LOT. Those women are trying to speak now, and we need to listen and really hear them.

Let’s also talk about smart comedy, low hanging fruit and using our comedy powers for good or evil. I have mutiple degrees, am extremely well-read and follow politics very closely. I don’t think I’m unusual. Most comics make it a point to have informed opinions. Iliza boasted that she’s the only female comic with a WWII joke. Well, she’s not. And, even if she were, what the fuck does that matter? I talk about politics, rape culture, feminism, homelessness, as well as marriage, kids, my Trump-supporting dad, and occasionally, will make a pussy reference if I goddamn feel like it. Men are never policed on their dirty joke subjects, on their ‘bad language’ so I will not be, either. All the hateful rape jokes men tell, and we are worried that a women said, ‘pussy,’ really?? And my pussy does not hang low, thank you very much.

Iilza, like every person you ever hear say women aren’t funny enough, is a victim of the Entertainment Industrial Complex. Art is not TV. If you see a limited number of women and those women all make similar jokes (all jokes that Iliza herself has made), you are not seeing a fair representation of women. You are seeing the ones that made it past the gatekeepers in one way or another. Perhaps they are funny, but perhaps they are also hot, don’t rock the boat, know their place or were in the right place at the right time and got lucky. I have always rocked the boat, never accepted their idea of my place and have never been hot. I do feel lucky because I make a living performing standup and writing jokes for other comics. And I can tell you that I am AMAZED by the state of female comedy. Absolutely flabbergasted at the depth and talent and wit of the incredible women I get to (because I make it a point to) work with weekly. Right after the festival, I was quoted as saying that the only way I was able to get through 14 shows in one week is because every women was not only hilarious, but SO DIFFERENT from each other. My husband, comedian Chris Oliver, said the same. We also book tons of men and, frankly, some of them run together in my mind. Sometimes I can’t remember who made which shitting my pants in traffic joke and which ones told which rape jokes. I mean, let’s face it, MOST COMEDY IS HORRIBLE. It is. It’s painful. But, a lot of those comics get better and wiser and more likeable. Some are given regular spots at the Comedy Store (by some, I mean men, of course) and have an opportunity to grow and reflect and change and improve.

Feminism is already “a thing,” and we are equal, no matter who acknowledges it. As feminists, we need to use our comedy powers for good, to help a sister out. Iliza mentioned hiring women on her show and as openers for her. That’s great. Honestly. It is. Does it make you Feminist of the Year? No. In that major public platform, Iliza was given a chance to be heard by more people than most comics, especially women, ever get. She did not widen the landscape for women, she relied on tired old easily-disproven stereotypes that will not elevate us a profession, but will serve to help keep us as second class citizens in comedy. That statement validated every person who thinks women aren’t funny enough. I mean a famous female comic said it, so it must be true.

There is nothing wrong with misspeaking. We all fuck up. But, after the shock and anger wears off, it’s time to take a real look at our own misconceptions and the role we play in the fight as a whole. And did anyone ever figure out what that “one point” about the vagina is?

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starlightbisexual · 7 years ago

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Hullo!!! Shy anon here, you're one of my favorite blogs so i was wondering if you happen to have any marvel fic recs? I'm running low and it's summer, so any fic would be appreciated (as long as it's not explicit). Any suggestions? ^^

hi love, you're so sweet thank you!!

i have about a million fics to rec so this might be a bit long and im gonna put it under the cut. personal faves are marked with an !!!

(when you say “not explicit” i took that to mean they’re not tagged as explicit on ao3. i cant promise that none of these fics contain sex/other mature themes. it’s probably best to always read the tags on each fic just to make sure!)

ofc this list isn’t exhaustive, just the first ones that popped into my head! if you or anyone else wants some more please come ask, i love discussing fics!

those on mobile: note the read more

slide to answer (mature, 6k)

“What do I do?” Steve appealed into the phone. “I’m freaking out.”

There was silence on the other end of the line. It lasted so long that Steve pulled the receiver away from his ear and frowned at it. Pay phones were old. Maybe this one wasn’t working despite the obvious dial tone when he picked up.

“Ok,” a stranger’s voice said over the phone. “First acknowledge the fact that you dialed the wrong number, but be quick about it because my cab is a few blocks away from my own plans and I’m about to drop some truth bombs on you.”

lonely houses off the road (teen, 17k)

Barnes is now glaring at him for some reason. It’s somewhat terrifying but also, oddly, a little reassuring— because that’s emotion right there, which means there’s still somebody behind those eyes. Somebody who seems to think Sam is being a bit slow on the uptake. “Time parameters exceeded. Mission failed.”

“Wait.” Sam narrows his eyes. “Is this some kind of… report? Debriefing?”

“Mission report,” confirms Barnes, looking pleased. Well, looking slightly less murderous than before.

In which various people deal with things they never signed up for, but at the end of the day no one’s particularly surprised.

i love you like rlb (teen, 3k)

I love you like rlb has become a well-known, accepted and valuable component of American vernacular. The meaning of the letters ‘rlb’ is unknown, but is uniformly considered to be a statement of a great romantic love, commitment and sacrifice.

It was Dernier as first said it. Steve never imagined that something like that could have survived the war and all the years in between.

In which Tony goes insane trying to figure out why that phrase affects the Cap so much, Bucky teases the press, and Steve and Bucky love each other like rlb.

i was found and now i don’t roam these streets (mature, 15k)

They’ve decided to start producing Bucky Bears again, now that he’s all shiny and redeemed and fighting for good on this big Avengers misfits team. “He has a little shiny gray arm,” Bucky says, wiggling the stuffed arm in question, one of the tweaks made in the new model. It takes Steve a second to realize that Bucky’s got a small smile on his face, actually looks a little bit proud around the eyes.

Or, Bucky relearns himself and how to be on a team, the rest of the Avengers try to get answers, and everyone watches too much Criminal Minds.

roll on (mature, 89k)

In 1938, there’s a bar in Brooklyn called Sully’s where people are safe to be themselves. Behind the bar, a girl pours drinks. She’s always got a big smile for Steve and she says queer like it’s a good thing. On a regular basis, she takes his shoulders in her hands and tries to shake sense into him, saying, “When will you do something about that best friend of yours?”

In 2012, Bucky’s gone, but Steve’s not, and the girl’s hands are too old to shake him. She does her best to make him see sense anyway.

Steve had people who loved him before the war, and it turns out a few of them are still around when he finally comes home.

one cloud feels lonely (mature, 72k, !!!)

“I’m going to take a break for a while,” Steve said quietly, not looking at T’Challa, not knowing that this was what he was gonna do until the words were out of his mouth. “I can’t be on a team right now.”

T’Challa nodded as if he understood. “Alright.”

AKAIn which Steve and Bucky both figure out how to be a person again, and it still takes them over 130 years.

barnes & rogers and the goddamn truth (not rated, 18k, !!!)

There are three well-known facts at Shield High:

1. The history teacher Mr. Barnes is a stone-cold terror, and it’s not even because he only has one arm.2. The other history teacher, Mr. Rogers, is a mysterious enigma, and it’s something to do with the body of a Greek God and contradicting stories of his past. (They’re all rumours, anyway.)3. Mr Barnes and Mr Rogers hate each other.

Bucky wouldn’t have it any other way.

asked and answered (teen, 5k)

“You should marry me, Bucky.”

“What?”

“You should marry me.” Steve said again. “Sister Eustace said that marriage is the purest form of love, and I love you more than anybody. So we should get married.”

Steve and Bucky. Five marriage proposals (and one time they didn’t have to ask).

1917 (mature, 15k, !!!)

Born on March 10th, 1985 at the Brooklyn Hospital Center, James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes was named after Sergeant Barnes, Captain America’s childhood best friend, who died when he fell off a train in the Swiss Alps.

In 2008, Peggy Carter donates to the Smithsonian letters Captain Rogers wrote to Sergeant Barnes in 1944—

After he fell.

Some lives are eternally entwined.

to be vunerable is needed most of all (mature, 118k)

Steve is a shy comic book artist and meets his new neighbour, Bucky Barnes.

In which there are awkward longings, meddling best friends, comic conventions, heartache, lemons, video games, dorkiness, dancing and two cute boys.

there should be stars (teen, 45k)

“All memories to tell you the truth aren’t good.But sometimes there were good times.Love was good. I loved your crooked sleepbeside me and never dreamed afraid.

There should be stars for great warslike ours. There ought to be awardsand plenty of champagne for the survivors.”- Sandra Cisneros

Or, it takes them decades.

fever dream (mature, 9k)

“Buck.” Steve says, soft as he can, so he won’t start to cough again. The light from the stove hits his face just right, makes his eyes light up bright, spring sky blue. Bucky’s head aches just looking at him.

1942, in fits and starts.

they say love is a virtue (mature, 22k)

“I have a bet,” Tony announces to the room. He stands up, repeating himself a few times so that everyone is forced to stop the game and look up at him. He looks straight into Bucky’s eyes when he goes, “I bet you fifty dollars that you and Steve can’t spend a whole week pretend married without realizing that you’re both in love with each other.”

the smithsonian guard (gen, 8k)

Bucky makes a friend.

cross this river to the other side (teen, 14k)

Here is the truth about Captain America and the Howling Commandos that every World War II historian must come to accept at one point or another: we will never know everything. We won’t even come close.

So much was lost with the untimely death of Captain America. While the man beneath the uniform sunk to the bottom of the North Atlantic, the myth lived on, only to grow bigger and more unwieldy as the years went by. Now, it is near impossible to tell fact from fiction, to separate out truth from propaganda.

In 1943, the Howling Commandos wrote goodbye letters to be given to their loved ones in the event of their deaths.

In 2014, Sharon Carter finds those letters in a tin can in an abandoned HYDRA base.

captain fantastic and the pineapple king (teen, 30k, !!!)

Shit.She hadn’t noticed him yet. Maybe he could turn and leave without them noticing – Sam would understand. Sam was the most empathetic person he knew. He wouldn’t scold Steve for coming home spice-less to avoid an awkward encounter with an ex. Surely.They drew closer.Fuck.Please don’t notice me, please don’t notice me, please don’t notice me…"Steve?”Fuck.In which Steve is saved from his ex in a grocery store, Bucky Barnes is Way Too Chill about absolutely everything, and Sam has had enough of all of these goddamn pineapples in his fucking house.Or: The five times Steve received a pineapple (and one Piña Colada) and the one time he didn’t

haha, jk (teen, 13k)

(A tale of Not Unrequited Love)

Steve: I love you.Bucky: oh no.(and other fallacies)

Bucky learns to never say never when it comes to the effect his best friend can have.

apes debemus imitari (we should imitate the bees) (gen, 15k)

Steve operates a fruit & veg stand at a farmer’s market. Bucky keeps bees and has started up a honey shop just opposite. They’re failing to get along. Steve gets along a lot better with the anonymous friend he’s been writing letters to. In fact, he’s rapidly falling for him.

it’s no coincidence (teen, 109k)

The kids immediately scream, “Trick-or-Treat” before they see who opens the door.

The strange resident looks between the two kids, then at the adults, and his eyes widen in horror.

“It’s October already?”

Okay, Bucky thinks. This guy is probably high.

don’t ask (mature, 21k, !!!)

Captain America and Bucky Barnes were like brothers. Everyone knew that.

most ardently (teen, 9k)

Baron Grant, nothing more than a small, sickly country gentleman with no fortune and very little to recommend him, has just poured a glass of claret over Duke Barnes, a wealthy lord with the world at his feet.

#answered #stucky #stucky fic rec #steve rogers/bucky barnes #stucky fic #captain america #the winter soldier #mine #fic rec

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pocharryfics · 8 years ago

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HI CAN U PLEASE DO A DRABBLE ABOUT BLACK HISTORY MONTH WHERE YOU JUST STARTED DATING HARRY AND YOU'RE EDUCATING HIM ON HOW IMPORTANT IT IS TO YOU AND WHAT IT SYMBOLIZES AND STUFF LIKE THAT? THANK YOUUU BTW I LOVE YOU AND YOUR BLOG!!

I’d like to preface this by saying that this drabble is, without the shadow of a doubt, the worst thing I think I’ve ever posted on this blog. If it weren’t for the fact that I wanted to get in at least one Black History Month blurb before February was over, this disgrace would not exist in any form on any platform. Vey self-deprecating, I know, but I had to give a fair warning and let you all know in case you wanted to turn back. This is 10/10 a snake habitat, please turn around. There are much nicer drabbles in my masterpost that you can read instead.

You had absolutely no explanation nor rhyme or reason, but one Tuesday afternoon you felt compelled to ask Harry what he knew about Black History Month.

“Not too much, m’embarrassed to say. Didn’t really celebrate it in school cause it was considered an American thing.”

“What about when you got out of school?”

“Not much then either. See some fans tweeting a few things about it in February, but that’s about it. S’kinda embarrassing now when I say it out loud; feel like a proper git,” Harry sighed, mildly ashamed at his lack of knowledge.

“Don’t be embarrassed. It’s never too late to start learning, is it?”

He nodded glumly before allowing you to continue.

“In fact, I helped my baby cousin with the same thing a few years back. They weren’t really teaching her much Black History in school so my mom and I tried to bridge that gap; every weekday in February when we would drop her off to school we would tell her one Black History fact and encourage her to share it with her friends at school. No idea if she actually told anyone, but she left the car knowing it so I guess that’s good enough,” you reminisced, thinking back and smiling at the fond memory of your family.

“S’cute. Already flexing those teacher muscles and you weren’t even in the program yet.” Harry chuckled, nudging you and gesturing towards the colander on the cabinet.

He accepted it with a nod and set it down into the sink, reaching over your head for the sea salt to prep the pasta noodles for draining. It had been your turn to cook, but impending midterms had monopolized all of your focus and you had forgotten to stop by the store - coming right home after class and pouring over one of many study guides. When he had turned his key into the lock all of your neglected responsibilities came flooding back.

Harry had pretended not to notice and urged you to resume studying, but you had felt too negligent to comply and insisted on whipping up something yourself. You met each other halfway and decided to cook the meal together. Lucky for you, there was an adequate amount of pasta noodles left in the pantry and a can of Ragu so an emergency trip to the grocery was avoided.

“You’re not an eleven-year-old girl though, so I won’t be as nice to you as I was to her. In fact, how about this - you’ll give the facts to me?”

“Giving me homework, are yeh? Not a teacher yet, pet,” Harry surmised, pulling you in closer and nearly dunking his fingers in the tomato sauce as he reached over the pot to take your hand in his.

“New fact each day, Harry. And I want good ones too, not the same ones that get regurgitated every year. I don’t wanna hear anything about peanut butter or traffic lights.”

“New fact every day. Got it.”

You’re not sure if you really expected Harry to follow through with it; impending examinations had captured your full attention and if he had said anything at all you likely wouldn’t have even noticed. But just as agreed upon, Harry greeted you that Wednesday morning with a fresh mug of coffee and the first of many facts.

“Hiram Rhodes Revels was the first Black man elected to the US Senate in 1870. Only got to serve a year, but still,” Harry recalled, handing you a mug of fresh coffee before pouring his own. “Right in the middle of Reconstruction and in Mississippi no less.”

And so a routine fell into place between the two of you. Each morning Harry would share a new fact that he learned over breakfast and you would discuss it at length before you had to go to class and he left for his meetings.

“A teenage girl called Claudette Colvin refused to give up her seat on the bus nine months before Rosa Parks did.”

“Mmmm hmmm. That’s cause everyone thought Rosa would be a better spokesman because people would be able to sympathize more with a tired little old lady than a pregnant teenager. Poor Claudette.”

“But she wasn’t some little old lady at all, she was a secretary for the local NAACP chapter! The whole bloody bus boycott was a setup! Crazy. I always thought it just sorta happened organically. I had no idea that it was a big protest planned fo’ months.”

“There’s a lot you don’t know Harry,” you teased.

Harry gave an offended pout and snatched a piece of your toast, sinking his teeth into the buttery bread before you could grab it back.

“Did yeh know that Shirley Chisholm was almost assassinated three times when she was trying to run for president in 1972? That’s fucking mental, innit?”

“She’s an inspiration, all right,” you hummed in agreeance while blowing the steam from your coffee.

“You ever think of changing majors? Maybe go into politics?”

“I never really thought about it too much. If I ever changed majors, I’d probably switch to criminal justice and go to law school. Why? Think I’d be a good politician?”

“Think you would make a good president. Follow up in her footsteps and win it for old Shirley.”

“I think you just wanna be the First Husband.”

“Think they’d let me?”

“I don’t know, but could you imagine? Former pop star turned First Gentlemen.”

“Former?”

“I don’t think they’d let you keep performing if you were the First Husband; it would be a major security risk. If you think you have it bad know, you’d really have to have a security detail around you 24/7.”

“Good point. Maybe yeh should just stick to teaching.”

“W.E.B Du Bois.”

“What about him?”

Do yeh know that he -”

“Co-founded the NAACP? I sure did.”

“But did yeh also know that he was the first -”

“The first African-American to receive a PhD from Harvard? Absolutely. He’s very well known for his academic achievements.”

Harry heaved a long sigh at the interruption and you leaned over and pressed a kiss to his pouty bottom lip. “Gonna let me finish or aren’t yeh?”

“I’m sorry, Harry. Please go on, I’m all ears.”

“Anyway. He wrote this amazin’ book called The -”

“The Souls of Black Folks. It’s a literary masterpiece that … oh I didn’t even mean to do it that time. Wait, come back! Harry!

Harry was sat at the island in the middle of the kitchen, contemplatively sipping his coffee when you found him that morning. Long shadows and dark circles haunted his face and it looked as if he hadn’t slept at all. You flicked the light switch on the wall when you made your way in.

“What’s wrong, pumpkin? And why are you sitting here in the dark?”

He took a long and plaintive sip of his warm beverage before he spoke. “Are you aware of the monetization of incarceration and the exploitation of minorities in this country’s prison-industrial complex?”

That took you for a loop and you didn’t know what to say for a moment so he took your stunned silence as an opportunity to continue.

“Did you know that Ronald Reagan brought crack into inner city neighborhoods during the War on Drugs to fill up privatized prisons?”

“I thought you were gonna wait so we can watch 13th together?”

Harry only shook his head and stared forlornly out of the kitchen window. When it had finally clicked in your mind, you had to cover your mouth to keep the giggles at bay. The dark circles underneath his eyes, the withdrawn demeanor, and the yawn that broke from his berry red mouth gave everything away. You had anticipated that all of this newfound information would have an effect on him, but you couldn’t possibly have predicted this.

He was literally tired from being so woke.

I’d like to apologize to @milkmeharry @mendaxtheuser and anyone who sat through this.

#drabbles #harry styles fluff #1d interracial #writing #pocharryfics #black history month

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