#( like i just think abt this sometimes and get all excited! )
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#probably my last sunny walk at home :(#keeeeellll meeeee#i think one of the things i hate about going back to uni is not being able to experience autumn and winter at home like i used to#it’s weird because i’ve always loved them and considered them my favourite seasons.#but last year (and now this year) i’m realizing that oh! i think it’s because i got to come home after a long day and be in a safe familiar#space. and at uni everything is still a bit unfamiliar and not very comforting so the long cold days get so much harder#but i will surviveeeeeee#counting on gilmore girls to get me through it!! and also love is blind s7. i LOVE having things to look forward to every week it makes tim#fly by so fast. last yr every friday night was reserved for me and i ate frozen pizza or takeout and/or my favourite snacks and#watch my comfort films :( i cooked a lot those nights too 2 save money but yeah. it was rlly nice to have that comfy safe time to myself#i think it rlly got me thru uni.#ik it’s gonna be so hard to get back into a routine but im trying to tell myself that i need to like. focus on the basics first. adulting#can be so hard & i wanna do everything at once! i wanna b perfect in all areas. always do my hobbies. etc etc but i#i couldnt even get out of bed to make myself meals sometimes 💔 so i need to like remember if i don’t journal or read a whole book in a day#not the end of the world. and most importantly i need to be EATING and staying active and SLEEPING FIRST and foremost cause then hopefully#i won’t feel like a zombie.#okay anyways.#feeling sad feeling tired feeling unmotivated but also feeling a teensy bit excited for finally BEING ALONE!!!!#i have my cardiologist appt tmrw so maybe that’s why i feel so yuck also. just thinking abt it makes me wanna throw up#i hope everything goes well#anyways bye bye#♡ dear diary…
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i feel rly sad and conflicted abt one of my best friends on earth but idk who to ask for advice bc i usually would have consulted her in this situation lmao
#shes cool and i dont want to lose her and i know Logically i love her but atm i feel so strange towards her#and idk what to do abt it bc i know in the past ive like...over-communicated a lot and over the last few yrs ive been trying to not do that#bc thats an anxious impulse i think .so like . self control#AND IMPORTANTLY . i may actually be the problem here ?? ok again i love her i dont want to lose her etc but basically ive noticed a pattern#which is that whenever she gets a bf/a man (even fwb) in her life she basically stops talking to me and the limited interactions we do have#become abt him. and while i support her it is acc too much. like we barely talked while she was w her ex bf until he became abusive and#then we talked a lottt like all our convos understandably were abt him . and then when they broke up we kept hanging out so i didnt rly see#the pattern there but still she seemed to centre men a lot in her life like sbe was excited to not date and find herself and then#immediately afterwards started seeing this other guy with whom shes basically in a relationship now#hes nice and all but like . HES ALL SHE TALKS ABT . actually we barely talk atp but when we do its abt him#she sends me reels sometimes but its all abt being jealous abt him etc . and shes bi but she said she doesnt like the idea of dating women#bc theyre scary . and i thought she was kidding in the ohhh women r so beautiful that theyre intimidating way but no she was being entirely#fr . she explained jts bc she was bullied by a girl in the past but like...bro ur ex bf literally abused you like surely you see men are#capable of just as much harm? but obvs who she dates is her own choice . but anyway she has consistently made plans w me then cancelled the#like an hr before . or asked to call me and then proceeded to not do so . when i ask her to meet/call its the same she just doesnt respond#or she cancels ? and while i understand anxiety sucks it feels SO WEIRD STILL . maybe im the problem slightly too bc ik i have no right to#feel this way but it rubs me the wrong way that ik she has so much time to spend w him/calls him all the time despite meeting him just a fe#months ago whereas i just have to like ...be ok w not actually having talked to her for a long time#its gotten to the point where when she says do you wanna meet/call i automatically respond yes and then just assume it doesnt happen . like#there have been several times over the past few months i double booked plans over when we were supposed to call/meet bc i was sure she#wouldnt show up and ive been right each time#like she sends me texts that she misses me or im her best friend etc etc occasionally and then acts rly . contrary to that ?#ive talked to her abt the issue w cancelling on me twice btw. when i was still dating the situationship person she would get sooo mad at#them for not respecting my time and shed tell me i deserve better etc etc and then like . she doesnt seem to respect my time at all#anyway she said she understand and she admits to like...being flaky etc but does nothing abt it#and its not like i can tell her to stop caring so much abt men bc we sorta had convos like that b4 she got This involved w this guy#and apparently it did nothing and the last thing i want is to police her relationships or get in her way#its just AUSHD AUGH#anyway i rly miss her it just doesnt feel the same at all anymore
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#my dads back in ohio again so im back on my own. i still feel terrible but at least i have a plan#i have 2 weeks of this semester left. so i have to not fail my genomics exam and work on a group project plus grade a bunch#shouldnt be too hard but everything makes me so tired rn and i just feel this barrier between myself and everything else#even when my dad was here. i just dont kno how to feel happy. just varied levels of stress#but after the semester is over ill have to find a job for the summer. which super stresses me out bc i havent really had a real job outside#academia and im worried about how stressful ill find it bc im sure its gonna suck but at least i wont have to work on my project#i just think if i had a normal job that doesnt dominate every aspect of my life id feel a little less terrible. or at least i wouldnt send#myself spiralling so much. if i stay here i might not survive it#but what if ill just make myself miserable wherever i am? i dunno. but im gonna try to find a non academic job this summer with the epa or#maybe the usgs. i mean ive gota a bachelor's and a masters in environmental topics. that's gotta count for something#just get a government job. pray for a not terrible set of coworkers. and build something from there#it just sucks bc i feel like everythings falling apart and like i kno if i gave it my all i could pull thru and get my phd but im just so#tired of struggling against something everyone else can do. i just cant read at a level appropriate for what im doing#ugh. i dont wanna study for genomics. i just wanna sleep. i just wish i wasn't in this position#and now i a baby about it. i mean my sisters r in similar positions bc the youngest is currently looking for a teaching job. and my middle#sister is looking to move to new york city in the next 6 months and she'd be quitting her job for that. so we're all sorta in flux#i just wanna not be flailing. not watch my hopes and dreams collapse. be excited about anything. im just sad bc i have to make hard choices#even if i know theyre the right ones to make if i want to continue to exist. sometimes u cant have the things u wany.#and that sucks and i hate it. theme of the year: sometimes life sucks and theres nothing u can do abt it#unrelated
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So, @silv-paru sent Sherlock Holmes for the character opinion bingo. thanks a bunch for this (and for your patience. my god, i’m answering this a week late. typical me behaviour). you’re a darling :D
Did you know, i used to tell these stories to my friends? they delighted in them AND i got a chance to sort of ramble on and on abt him and watson. it was a win-win, really. ah, those were the days! now i haven’t reblogged much of him this month at all. i miss him. I MISS HIM.
Onto the bingo: well. he’s The quintessence of gender™ to me. and i relate to him so so much. fav character of all time fr. i want to carry him in my pocket at all times & study him. like. do i want to BE him OR am i IN LOVE with him, ykwim? pssh who knows? certainly not me. uh-huh ‘a beast unleashed’ -does this refer to me or him? you choose. oh re: canon, i’m ignoring the part where holmes dies (or y’know, is dead for 3 years). that’s too angsty.
#sherlock holmes#my dearest blorbo#he’s my belovedest chewtoy basically#if i think abt how modern adaptations *looking at you bbc sherlock* have ruined his character i get so angry i have to take deep breaths#*mutters darkly* he is NOT an arrogant cold-hearted bitch like he’s portrayed; well he IS a bitch but not a cold-hearted one!!#see. the thing abt holmes is that he’s SUCH a sweet boy okay. and he’s compassionate#he cares sooo much. that’s the reason people come to him when they’re distressed. they trust him#he hates the police. he is a jester at heart. loves his watson#he’s here to help the truly desparate helpless people even if they have no money to pay him for the case. no questions asked. But-#he fucking despises obnoxious rich men. the first time he meets watson a total stranger he *very excitedly* tells him abt his experiment#it’s very adorable. he never stops trying to impress ever. infact blushes furiously when complimented by him#my guy has 0 knowledge of our solar system but he’s written several monographs abt different types of ASHES. go figure!#OH i almost forgot the most important fact he’s special to me bc holmes is an audhd gay disaster bastard. sometimes he’s even bisexual#but mostly he’s acespec and in a qpr w watson. he’s VERY adhd. behaves like an excited cat and oh so cute when he stims. everytime he does#i go SQUEEE. when he’s depressed it’s a goddamn hashtag big mood. as in many other ways he is me i am him#he’s PASSIONATE and KIND that’s all you need to know#acd stories are about just some guy who loves his job (which he invented himself btw after quitting college) that’s it#i am overcome with an almighty need to squeeze his cheeks#he’s everything to me <3#alright if i don’t stop now i doubt i ever will LMAO bye#acd holmes#if u read till the end u get a cookie and a kiss on the nose i love u#silv tag ��
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🍃🦌🐐🪵
#oh wow i forgot that we have an animal park in my city o.o i just completely forgot !!!#it's free nd the animals r actually being taken good care of#(even if im against them having this in a of a noisy big city)#(plus years ago a group of teenage boys set fire to a donkey :((( bc they had it open even during night so they eent there nd just killed..)#but yeah since the animals arent tortured nd abused there i dont feel guilty going there#i havent been in years. nd like i just totally didnt even think abt it existing#so i think i'll go sometime soon (when i have a bus pass lol)#then i can look at animals :)#also we have a farm typa thing in the outskirts of our city as well#w farm animals. i wanna go there to but i'll go to that place closer to summer#since it's free nd i get to look at animals i dont understand why i havent gone there at all lately#im depressed nd dont go anywhere tho so maybe thats why sksksks#im excited tho bc i love all animals!! nd if i go i get to see sm of them
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when you know a little bit abt the history of something you wanna include in your fic and then you do some research and it turns out the more in depth historical facts actually help bolster what you envisioned for the fic
#this is not me up at 1:30am doing research for a fic. absolutely not. not happening. I am actually asleep. as I should be.#I haven't written a fic in almost a year ok. I'm just. a touch excited.#watching all those docu series over the last year actually paid off for fic lmao who'd have thought#I'm actually getting a little tiny teensy bit like hmmmmmm okay yeah abt this#I'm trying not to fck this up for myself and get too excited and then abandon this too but omg#I kinda wrote like. a whole page of notes & ideas and outline and even some dialogue snippets tonight#like who is this bitch?#special shout out to my WIP buddy lol got me thinking today!!#erin explains it all#i write sometimes#jfc i haven't used that tag in so long I forgot it was even one I used for a minute......
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*takes my last adderall so i can finish all my work in one day*
*finishes one (1) assignment*
*gets distracted and spends the rest of the day hyperfocusing on delicious in dungeon again*
#i rewatched half the anime last night cause i was too tired to do anything else#i even almost got sucked into reading the manga again the other day but forced myself to stop after 1 chapter#def gotta buy hard copies#this is one of if not the only thing i can enjoy multiple times IN SUCCESSION!#actually i was like this with turning red and spiderverse too but#dunmeshi is different.... dunmeshi is special..... my enjoyment of it is more than just the animation or the art.....#ive never felt this particular way about anything but i've always wanted to#in the past my fanart often felt a little forced even tho i liked those things it was hard to get excited about anything#i think dunmeshi is partially responsible for my depression being in remission#literally#the only depression i feel since spring is about financial problems or being lonely#tangible stuff#but it's not the deep internal depression ive felt for most of my life#idk how to explain but like there's layers to depression#the easier kind to heal from is based in identifiable current issues like loneliness or financial troubles or grief or burnout#then theres the kind that comes from complex trauma or i think sometimes its genetic too#i thought that part would only go away once i solved the surface level stuff and could heal thorugh positive experiences to contradict#the pathways my brains formed overtime via trauma#but although ive had a few moments that have helped#i think dunmeshi. moving out of my old apt where i lived with 3 cishet men into an apt with 1 chill roomie. having time over summer to#get used to a self made routine (despite having MANY financial issues and still not being able to spend it how i planned)#all that is mainly what helped!#like for the first time i was getting excited abt stuff!#i still kinda struggle tho with maintaining that excietment#except with dunmeshi!#it's like no matter what my excitement hasn't diminished#thats very comforting#i gotta force myself to engage in more media so i can find more things to love#i have a habit of putting off things i know ill love bc i wanna be ready for it#so that if i do love it ill have the time and energy to get inspired and make fanart
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Jayvik is my barbenheimer
#the surface level meaning of that is that i find them just as iconic as the memeish event#but the deeper level meaning of that is that jayces story is like oppenheimer and viktors has some barbie undertones for the funniest reason#like jayces at best abt being overly excited abt science then getting his ass kicked by the ~philosophycal/political~ stupidity of everyone#at best#meanwhile viktor HAS very much the same story just from a differents social classes pov its also so fucking funny#but hes also like. a “change your humanity arhhhh” villain like he has a THEME of what it means to be human alongside that#like what other movie? fucking Barbie#CREATOR VIKTOR IS THE CREATOR OF BARBIE LAND FOR REAL TRUST ME#anyway however i have no hope that they are going to introduce what it means to be HUMAN theme that more older versions had#in arcane#even if they do they will not give him any grace like he WILL most likely be 100% wrong abt it#like delusional to cover for his own emotional wounds#Hes reverse barbie with like socialism as barbie land#BARBIE EVEN HAS A SPACE ODYSSEY REFERENCE LIKE THE SCENE ABT APES(HUMANS) OVERCOMING NATURE BUT ITS LITTLE GIRLS AND DOLLS#BARBIE VIKTOR PARALELS REAL#Do you get it. do you get how jayvik barbenheimer#arcane viktor is very much black and grey and fits oppenheimer but he has like a veey random pink ass bow on his fit at all times to me#anyway this was an insane rant#but basically they did put barbie in oppenheimer and made her fit so well you didnt even notice its viktor in arcane#still waiting for a well written version where the opposite happens#if you didnt understand none of this and now think im conpletly insane i understand thats why it was put in the tags#i was basically conjuring a very unhinged venn diagram#and i also really like the og version of viktor even tough i have a VERY attachment to arcane viktor#too much attachment sometimes#anyways hope you enjoyed this novel i put in the tags 👍👍
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Yesterday I watched Cartoon Saloon’s short “Screecher’s Reach”, and thought Daal’s hair was almost exactly like how I envision Mathilde Lachance’s hair, so I decided to try and draw her. Today I stopped cleaning up the sketch after about an hour because I got bored, so it’s going here.
#nevermoor#nevermoor fanart#mathilde lachance#idk if anyone’s ever drawn her before (which makes sense bc no description) but I wanted to give it a shot#I’ve always envisioned her like. goth former art student. just the vibe of a pretentious 20s-30s artist who is also kinda goth. for funsies#when I said this blog is where I ‘dump’ my fanart I am being serious. bc sometimes I just quit part way through. lol.#I always try to be one of those ppl that ‘renders’ just by cleaning up their sketch + flats and then I always get bored and stop doing it#I need to stop avoiding doing lineart bc I actually enjoy doing it. when I do otherwise I just end up w a bunch of half finished stuff loll#anyways. I haven’t drawn in ages bc college sucked all my time and energy. but I just graduated 💪 and I’m excited to get back into things.#especially nevermoor stuff!!! bc I have so many ideas!!!!!#fun fact for if you’ve read this far: I like giving wundersmiths bright golden eye highlights when I draw them. just for fun!#the gold of wunder goes sooo well w the black/purple color scheme of morrigan. genius idea from jess. that’s why I always love drawing mog!#I may never draw stuff but rest assured I’m always thinking abt how I would draw nevermoor ppl/places/things and why#I have so many thoughts and my nevermoor brainrot is also is where my art/animation brain and media adaptation brain get to combine#I am going to be insufferable when (if?) the movie starts being made and I am not even sorry#anyways. enjoy this lq image. bc this is a screenshot and I have a problem with drawing way too small lol. oops.
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ok ok so you know how my life has majorly revolved around my pain since july & how that has been extremely difficult :) well lately I find myself getting up later than I want to & making my bed as badly as I possibly can & getting out of the house after noon when I planned to get out in the morning & walking to the library when it’s sunny & sitting there for hours & the whole time I’m most concerned with writing & that it’s incredible what I’m doing, it’s a little paradise
#you know how I hoped September would be kind to me well it delivered#I actually didn’t realize how mentally poorly I was doing until I got out of it !#like oooooof it’s like a chronic pain veil#& to be very honest it’s because I’m physically better so I cannot blame myself and I don’t lol bc there will be a time when that happens#<< again#I mean better loosely I just mean I haven’t had 8/10 pain every day for weeks LOLLL#but it’s really quiet and beautiful & im grateful !!! like yay I can still create !#I’m not thinking abt my pain 95% of the day now it’s probably about 40%? 50? so a lot but I’m literally not every single thought LOL#sometimes it’s even like 20! not even cuz anything is getting better bc it’s not but I will take it even if idk why!!!#(& by nothing is getting better I mean meaningfully better but I have been blessed with some good days lately which I had none#of all summer)#I say this bc every day I wake up and immediately think OH GOD MY PAIN which is so valid bc it’s awful in the morning getting up is like#falling into a black hole Lol but also while that thought is still there I also thought#wow I’m so excited to write today I’m so excited to see what Jeremiah does#HE IS THE NARRATOR OF HEALING#also like SOOO PRIVILEGED to be able to do this like I also wanted to say that!#anyway update for u since I know I have shared the Despair but none of the beauty yet lol#lots of love chronic illness/pain bbs <3
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the absolute worst part of liking self-insert and OC fics is coming across one that just really really really fucking hates other SI/OC stories like bro we are all family here chill out
#sometimes you'll come across one and it'll all be peach until you get to the multi paragraph rant abt what the author hates in other SI/OC#i was reading one that was REALLY GOOD but i couldn't get past the first chapter#bc after the set the author/SI/OC just went on! and fucking on! and FUCKING ON! about the tropes they hates like bro shut up!!!!!#stop thinking your better bc you're not like those 'cringey' ones we're in the same trenches you motherfucker#it was over 300000 words too 😭😭😭😭 i was so excited#well written.... long chapters..... good premise.... if only they weren't such a bitch about it#my.txt
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HI FOR THE LOVE OF GOD HELLO-LAST MYSTERY MENU EPISODE OF THE SEASON IS OUT!!!
youtube
#WE R ALSO GETTING A GINGERBREAD SHOWDOWN 3 THIS YEAR WHOOOOOOH GOOD TRADITION#I feel like I haven't been telling ppl abt the episodes enough#HAVE U HEARD????? THEY'RE CRAZY TALENTED AND ALSO JUST INSANE (honorofic)#It's a Bobby flay thanksgiving babeeeeeyyyy#I don't actually really care for Bobby flay but if ham n sohla are this excited I will be excited to see what they cook yknow????#Also spoilers: the blackhole gravy is soooooooo like#That happens to me sometimes when I just. Put too many Ingredients together that they all cancel e/o out???#If they can't fix it then noone can... Like.... What do u do...??????#Anyways I was saying that I wonder if people have been hearing abt the episodes n watching them bc they're so good and#I'm like <333333333333333 wow.....!!!!!!!!!#Mystery menu#sohla el waylly#Youtube#Also realizing I think it'd b really funny if I specifically got the checkmarks#Verified sohla B)
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rare cute khaless moment,,
#oc: khaless#what is also cute is that she failed the history check despite having the highest skill bonus in the party <3#but its in line with her background actually. as the only non-baldurian she wouldnt know much abt the city's history i guess#anyway love how in my head khaless is so serious and has this.. air of cool detachedness about her...#and then she says silly stuff like this in-game without any input from me#she is so cute actually. and its part of her characterization now that she gets very silly and excited abt dragons#and dreams of being besties with one. specifically a silver dragon like her ancestor#its not just a silly obsession tho its deeper than that. i think#something something embracing her powers and ancestry gave her the courage to break free of lolth for good or whatev#unfortunately she also thinks her draconic blood makes her invulnerable and this makes her stupidly reckless sometimes!#also yknow how before you enter the wyrmway the emperor says that there is no dragon there is no savior#i was like alright i bet the dragon is like a bullshit metaphor or something. maybe the dragon is inside all of us#but no!! the dragon was indeed real!! he was just dead and bitter!!! bc of the emperor!!#i just gotta say. i've had it with him i've had it with his lies by omission i've had it with the manipulation i want him to fuck ooofff
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the best family members r the ones who let you brush and style their hair when you were little
#shoutout to my papaw and my dad and my uncle mark....... me and my cousins woudl literally coalesce and just go Can we brush your hair 🥺#and they were like sigh. yes and then by the end of it their beards would be braided and thered be butterfly clips everywhere#and they were so nice abt it theyd be like i love it ^-^ and wed all be so excited#i get freaked out when other ppl brush my hair Due to my issues but i think id be ok with kids doing it. bc its very sweet to me#i say i think id be ok. i know i would be bc phoenix likes to brush my hair sometimes#and yes its very scary bc he doesnt know which way the brush is supposed to go so he just accidentally hits me in the head repeatedly#with the flat side. but hes very cute#he also likes to like. brush my hair backwards and into my face. and then he's like YOYO DO YOU LOVE IT!!!! and im like YES 🎉🎉🎉#and rhen when hes distracted i fiz my hair JDNFJF. hes so cute
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#hhhh my body is tired. i couldnt sleep and then my day was upside down and i spent 4hrs transfering algae#i still have 1 work day until i go home. which is to say i will do 2 days of computer work and 1 day of manual labor in the field before i#go home. bc i have to get these fucking manuscripts done#but i guess it was an ok day. it wasnt yesterday where i left the lab by 12 for fear of bursting into tears. sometimes i just cant stand to#work sitting down. its really annoying#but i did have to say goodbye to our visiting phd student today bc she goes back to spain in the new year#which is sad bc shes really cool but she liked to do snail mail so im excited to be pen pals with her#bc ive never done the snail mail thing. shes like 5 to 10 years older than me? like old enough to have fully formed memories of the 90s#hhhh i still have to order Christmas presents. i just. i wish i could stop the present exchange. no body buy me anything so i dont have to#buy u anything. im so tired.#and i still have to make Christmas presents for my parents and sisters. with what time?#ill have to burn away my vacation time for that. hhhh i shoulf just sleep now#but i wont. ill pack bc i might as well while im being unproductive and i wont make time for it later so ya kno#i just wanna be home not doing anything but also i have many things to do and lots of things to prepare before i can do school visits#assuming i get more than one. and oh fuck thats right i still have that last application. tomorrow morning thsts what ill do. god dammit#the 4 hrs of algae transfering was my break and me being unfocused now#just 3 more days and 2 full day of traveling then i can whine at my parents abt how sad i am lol nah ill do that thing where u go#haha yea im in a lot of pain lmao so no one fully takes u seriously even tho ur saying something fucked up#that my mo bc i cant take my pain seriously. part of my brain detaches itself and thinks its all v funny#bleh. brain is goo#unrelated
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they should invent a way to ask if you have felt suicidal or have had suicidal thoughts at the doctor when they ask where you'll answer truthfully. i am fine and i always fight the suicidal thoughts but i went to the urgent care the other day and they asked and i said no no nothing like that. but i lied! of course i have! i've been vaguely fantasizing about getting hit by a car the past few days!!! i truly hate suicide for Reasons, it makes me incredibly sad and distressed, and for myself sometimes i don't even realize it's started creeping into my head again (i'm fine i genuinely promise) but like. as much as i hate it, it's there in some of my friends and me and i have to wonder about the fact that "yeah, but doesn't everyone at least a little bit?" isn't the right answer.
#bluebird.txt#i'm like sociologically interested why it's so 'popular' or common for people to joke about killing themselves#again. i fucking hate it. i abhor it. i detest it. but the fact is that is how people talk.#and i wonder how many of those people are truly suicidal and how many have never had to ever worry night after night#if the last time they saw their friend would be the last time. if they went to sleep thinking please let them be at school tomorrow.#please let them text me back.#at least you're still here.#how many people who say 'i'm gonna kill myself!!!' over a stupid insignificant test have actually felt that looming horror#how many of those people have truly felt in their souls that life is not worth living and that no one would notice if they weren't there#tomorrow#i ask genuinely. how many? is it that bad that we're all suicidal? am i right in saying 'doesn't everybody feel like that?'#or are some of you just being dramatic cunts who don't know what the fuck they're saying#or has everyone gone through at least one thing that would make them want to end it and am i just being cruel?#i am a positive person. this is partially bc it is in my nature to be excited abt things but mostly it is on purpose.#every day it is on purpose. it's a habit ive built and sometimes the habit falters. sometimes i don't realize when ive started slipping.#but eventually i always do and it sucks shit and it's hard as fuck and annoying as fuck bc it's so much easier to lay down and never#get up again but i fucking choose to get up because life is meant to be lived and you have to live on purpose in order#for your life to be anything that YOU want it to be rather than living in everyone else's world#you have to live in purpose. i live on purpose. and it annoys me so strongly#that there seem to be (again i could be wrong and arrogant and cruel for assuming this) so many people#for whom it takes very little effort to get up in the morning#people who don't spend like 99% of their time Thinking and Thinking and cancelling out the Bad Thinking on purpose#people for whom life is if not easy bc it's not easy for anybody than who don't have to deal with the fucking baggage some of us have#maybe i'm arrogant. maybe years of being told i'm weird and i still haven't managed to get rid of the instinct to make that gap even bigger#maybe maybe maybe. but also i think maybe some of you should shut the damn fuck up and enjoy what you have. if i can then so can you.
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