#( just felt the angst bug hit & this is what became of it )

[g0dlyunsub]

could you perhaps do a spencer x fem reader based on the song ‘i miss you, i’m sorry’ by gracie abrams? 🤍🤍

back to you.

upon your return after a year of working outside the bau, everyone welcomes you back with open arms – everyone except for one agent.

pairing :: spencer x fem bau!reader

warnings :: angst, drinking, reader gets drunk, confessions and lots of apologizing

word count :: 2.9k

author’s note :: such a lovely request! this stretched out to be a lot longer than i had initially planned for, but what can i say, the song lyrics kept inspiring me to write more 

accompanying song :: i miss you, i’m sorry by gracie abrams

do you remember happy together?

can we start over?

those were the four words you wanted to say, but you chose to remain silent instead. 

the guilt piled and eventually torched your heart when it became too much to bear. you preserved whatever was left of your sanity by flooding your bloodstream with three cups’ worth of caffeine, deciding to pay the price with jittery fingers. 

you had just spent the past eight months working a leadership position at the doj, and out of all of the decisions you’ve ever made in your life, this was your most regrettable one by far. sure, there were a lot of benefits that came with your elevated status – your bank balance certainly thanked you for it – but you missed out on too much.

you missed out on all of your coffee outings with the girls. you missed out on dinners with the entire team, where you would’ve brought your charcuterie board and downed your stress with red wine and endless rounds of poker. you missed out on everything that you would’ve marked your calendar for – trips to the mall, the fishing pier, the fancy dinner place a few blocks away from the office.

but nothing pained you more than your missed days with spencer. the thought bugged you every day, and you could do nothing to ignore it.

because how could you not regret it, the weekly strolls to the library with a cup of coffee in hand and his scarf wrapped tightly around you, his scent nuzzling against you? 

memories of that day haunt you like it’s yesterday.

—

“spence, i don’t need the scarf. the coffee’s keeping me warm just fine.”

your brown-haired coworker scoffed and stuffed his hands in his pockets while his gaze fell onto the pavement. 

walking side-by-side with him always felt surreal. his voice blew past your hair and drifted into your eardrums as your feet hit the soft grass, your boots slightly wet from the sprinklers tending the green.

“do i need to remind you that you were sick four days ago?”

you couldn’t help the faint blush from creeping up your cheeks when he turned to meet your gaze with his rounded eyes. you wanted to call him out because his ears were tinged with bright red from the cold air, but you stayed put. your flushed cheeks grew even hotter when his shaky hands dragged up your shoulders and cinched the scarf tighter around your neck.

“besides, natural fibers work wonders at keeping moisture away from the body.” 

his slight rasp sent shivers down your skin, and scratched the back of your mind just right.

the urge to grab him and kiss him tugged at your fingers like an itchy scab, but you chose not to scratch it.

thought you'd hate me

maybe he was the reason you decided to come back. 

you couldn’t bear the same routine any longer, cramped up inside an office with no place to go besides the dimly lit room of your bare apartment still filled with unpacked moving boxes.

you didn’t have much luck making friends at your new workplace, and you threw the idea of finding a potential date out the window. 

and even after eight months, you couldn’t shake his crestfallen face from your mind.

—

“you’re leaving?”

spencer’s eyes immediately tore away from his book and landed on you, his lips slightly parted.

“in- in a week. yes, i’m leaving.”

you looked down at the ground and tucked a strand of loose hair behind your ears several times. an uncomfortable silence filled the air.

“how long has it been since you… accepted the offer?”

you paused before glancing up. the twinkle that always sits in his eyes seemed to gain an extra edge in that moment, and it was almost scary, how he stared at you so inscrutably.

“two weeks,” you said truthfully and looked down again, because you didn’t have it in yourself to hold his gaze. 

from your peripheral vision, you noticed how his knuckles were almost white from the sheer force with which he was gripping his book. you bit down on the insides of your cheek, hard.

“i didn’t know you were thinking of other options,” he muttered lowly, and your heart instantly dropped.

“it was a good offer, spence. a really good one. i-”

“yeah, i hope it was a good offer. i mean, i don’t know how much of a role we played in your decision, but i’m happy for you. congrats.”

you blinked a few times while his words echoed in your mind. his quick-witted response heavy with bitter undertones flooded you with the most intense feelings of remorse and guilt.

“this wasn’t an easy decision, if that’s what you’re talking about. spence, you���re like family to me, and leaving this all behind… i thought about this day and night.”

“you know, it’s kind of funny how you say that we’re like family, because a family would do everything to stay together. but then again, maybe i’m the exception.”

you really didn’t have anything to say after that.

he completely annihilated and swept through you, and still finished you off by walking past you to snatch his bag and leave the office.

you should’ve told him before.

but then he would’ve convinced you, and you knew that it wouldn’t take much to be coaxed into staying, especially when it was spencer. you consulted your parents and emily instead, and they all urged you not to overthink.

but that day, you were convinced you had it all wrong. 

i still love you, i promise

you could feel the tears surface almost immediately when you wrap your hands around emily’s back in a heartfelt embrace.

“how do you feel?” she pulls back and reaches into her pocket to hand you your id. 

you take it from her slowly, tracing your fingers over the edges while staring at the words ‘special agent’ next to your signature.

“i feel-” you shake your head in disbelief, “so happy to be back.” 

you don’t know if you sound as excited as you’re claiming yourself to be, but emily doesn’t pry into it.

“seems like you’re stuck with us no matter what,” she chuckles, and then clasps her hand around your wrist. “come on, everyone’s waiting for you.”

you heard them before you saw their faces.

the garish papers and sparkling trails of glitter land at your feet the moment the elevator doors open, and a striking pop sounds before a flurry of celebratory squeals and claps echo left and right.

“oh you, come over here!” penelope scurries over to you and sweeps you in a tight hug, and the others join in to clobber you with pats and playful pushes.

emily leads you into the office while everyone trails behind you excitedly, and stops to gesture towards a table decorated with your nameplate. you step back in awe.

“the table’s perfect.”

you smile and set your bag down to brandish your nameplate at the others. 

“i know! and guess who’s across from you.” jj laughs and moves her brows up and down, causing you to shift your glance at the surrounding desks.

and right across from you, you see it. the table, lined with books at every edge; the empty coffee mug; the nameplate.

as if right on cue, the office doors swing open, and the subject of your thoughts walks in.

you instantly feel the pang of guilt when his excited gaze turns into a vacant stare, when he realizes the source of rapture coming from inside the office is you. 

his eyes flicker up and down and his stare almost feels chilling. you need him to break the cold and say something. anything.

your team somehow makes it even worse by reading your silence as a desire to be left alone. they nod and point to the roundtable upstairs before whizzing up the stairs and disappearing behind the blinds, leaving you to face the man you haven’t seen in eight months alone.

“you’re back.” 

spencer says it with a voice so quiet, with a pace so swift, with a tone so flat, you don’t know if you’d be able to catch that it’s him if it isn’t for his face.

you don’t want his impassive tone to dictate the mood for the conversation when you’ve just hauled your feet all the way back, so you clear your throat and open your mouth to speak.

“i am. it’s nice to see you again.”

he stiffens. his reaction is a bitter pill to swallow.

“spencer,” you start, eyeing the vein marking the side of his forehead, “you- i’m probably the last person you want to see right now. i’m really sorry about last time.”

the unwavering expression on his face is unsparing, but you aren’t going to look away abashed.

“i just wanted to say that you were right. i should’ve never left in the first place. i hated every second of work there, and believe me when i say that i didn’t hesitate when emily asked if i wanted to come back.”

he could pierce your heart with his silent stare.

“i’m sorry i couldn’t tell you earlier. but i knew, i knew that if i consulted you i would’ve turned it down.”

you take a deep breath.

“i missed you so much, but i just didn’t have it in me to tell you that because i thought you’d still be mad, and you’re probably still really mad at me right now so it’s okay if you don’t say anything because i understand, i know that i’d be mad if i were in your place, but i just wanted to make it clear that i’m not going to leave again-”

“stop.”

he cuts you off, but the rattles of your apologies continue to drift in the back of your mind.

he tears his gaze away from you and shakes his head.

“i need some time… to think about this.”

without waiting for a response, he turns and walks off, up the stairs and away to regroup with the rest of the team. he doesn’t see the tears that cascade down your flushed face.

think i’ll make it worse

“great work today.” 

hotch nods at you with a warm smile before he steps out, leaving you to be the last one in the office.

walking over to your desk, you carefully pull out a large bottle of wine from a bag that rossi left earlier as a welcome-back gift. 

you make your way to the shared kitchen, and sigh happily when you find the corkscrew in the same drawer as before – a subtle reminder that some things haven’t changed. inserting the lever arm into the cork, you twist and pull until it lifts from the bottle with a satisfying pop.

without pouring the wine into a spare glass, you shuffle your feet until you reach the stairs, and plop down on the raised steps.

you take a small sip of the wine, savoring the taste as the liquid sloshes around in your mouth, and recall the events of earlier.

stop.

you take another sip.

i need some time.

you attach your lips to the mouth of the bottle and take a large gulp.

i need some time… to think about this.

you guzzle the wine without a single care, without considering the fact that your car’s still parked outside and that you need to get home somehow.

you drink until your lips stain with the color of dark purple, until you can smell the alcohol rubbed deep in your skin, and until you collapse to your hands and knees.

—

spencer hadn’t initially planned to go back to the office that night.

but when he rang your cell five times and each call sent him straight to voicemail, he knew something wasn’t right.

he was never good at verbalizing apologies, so he was just going to leave a letter on your desk to find in the morning. the two of you would address everything then.

because the truth was that he could never stay mad at you. he just needed to prepare himself, to be able to see your face again without feeling the heavy crash of emotions.

but when he turned up to the office and noticed the lights were still on, suspicious thoughts clouded his brain. 

hesitantly, he curled his fingers around the handles of the door and opened it.

he saw the empty wine bottle first, which had rolled its way to the entrance of the office and stopped at his feet.

crouching, he took the bottle in his palm and examined it before confusedly clicking his tongue and setting it on top of the kitchen table. 

but then he saw you, slumped over the stairs, your face sinking into your dress shirt stained with drops of purple.

he dropped everything and ran, ran as fast as he could, to your side.

i miss you, i'm sorry

you hear the soft swearing and realize you’re not alone, but you’re too drunk – too tired – to match the face to the fuzzy figure crouched beside you.

“have you been drinking this entire time?”

is that spencer? it’s surely his voice.

“spencer? oh my god, what- why are you here?”

he waves the bottle you had just downed in your face, and your hands instinctively move to reach for it. he pulls it away from you.

“did you just finish all of this?”

you give a lopsided smile and blink slowly. “oh, i swear it was just one sip.” 

that’s the only confirmation he needs. 

spencer tuts and sighs. he’s about to murmur a few words of disapproval when your head falls and you lurch forward, but he catches you just in time. with his palms cupping the sides of your face, he gently lowers you onto his lap.

“how were you going to get home?”

his voice brushes against you like feathers. damn it, he sounds intoxicating.

you smile sleepily. “what are you talking about? i am home.”

spencer frowns.

“no, your home is twenty minutes away from here. you’re still at the office.”

the office lights are too bright for you to handle, you move your hand to shield your eyes. spencer takes note of this, and moves his head over to cast his shadows onto your face. 

“no,” you breathe, “i’m right where i belong. with you.”

that’s not the answer he’s expected at all. his throat constricts and for a second, he’s glad you’re too drunk to notice the blush spreading across his face.

“did you mean it?”

you furrow your brows in confusion. “what?”

“did you mean it when you said you missed me?”

you let out a hushed laugh. “did you want me to say something else?”

spencer shakes his head. “i just want to know if you really meant-”

“god, spence, you look so kissable right now.”

he gulps.

he never thought the word kissable would ever tumble from your pretty lips, let alone be directed towards him. never, not in a million years.

“stop,” is all he can come up with.

“do you know who i missed the most when i left?”

he knows where this is going, and he needs to stop you before you spill too much. for your own good.

“let’s get you up.”

“you. it’s always been you.” 

he doesn’t want to give in to your bubbly laughs, your soft tugs at his shirt, your face nuzzling into his lap.

“after i left,” you continue to drawl your words with clarity only slightly greater than that of a burble, “i came to realize something.”

he doesn’t need to ask. he doesn’t need to know more.

“what?” 

he wants to know more.

“i can’t love anyone else.” you blink. “it has to be you. loving you is just that easy.”

you’re persistent. you flip onto your stomach and plant a kiss on his lap before slowly sitting up and staring intently into his eyes.

you’re drunk.

this isn't right.

spencer shakes his head as if to warn you, to give you your last chance to back down. 

you have to thank the alcohol for stripping you of all your nerves. “did you miss me?”

that, he can answer. spencer nods.

“say it back,” you whisper, gently tugging the collar of his shirt. 

a blush heats his cheeks. “i missed you.”

you move closer, until your lips are less than an inch from his left ear. “how much?”

seeing this side of you, so bold and carefree, has spencer practically gripping the carpet floor for support.

he's miraculously saved when you pull back and raise a hand.

“i’m gonna-”

you don’t get to finish because you collapse onto the floor, completely wiped out by the alcohol.

he releases all of the air he’s been keeping inside of his lungs with a heavy sigh.

he watches your chest rise and fall slowly, your lips upturned and drawing in deep breaths.

“too much,” he replies, knowing you can’t hear him. he thinks he hears you mumble something back, but it's too incoherent for him to understand.

with a soft smile, spencer leans in and carefully crosses your arms over his shoulders, before hoisting you on his back to carry you out of the office.

“let’s get you home.”

[sturn-saturn]

we'll be who he couldn't be.

pairing: fem!reader x dad!matt

synopsis: you see matt with your baby and it reminds you of your past

warnings: body image, eating, ANGST, fluff, daddy issues, use of y/n

a/n: this hits a bit close to home and i cried writing this so if it sucks im SORRY.

you were lying in bed with a tear soaked pillow, stuffy nose, and your thoughts. your anxiety washed over you like a wave. you hated this day, you hated everything about that day. wishing you were able to participate in this holiday.

scrolling through your phone on instagram, tiktok, twitter, snapchat, you name it. videos and pictures of your friends with their father smiling, looking happy, loved. something you’ve always wanted.

"fuck fathers day" you thought.

from a young age you've always felt worthless, ashamed, disgusted in yourself. you've looked for love in other because you've couldn't find it in myself. you didn't know how to love yourself because the one person you looked up to didn't show it.

you lived in the same house but you feel like he didn't know you. he doesn't remember your favorite color, your favorite food.

you've learned to stop talking about yourself when you were around people in fear you'll be judged just like your dad used to do. felt the need to cover your body because either you were either eating too much or not enough.

hiding your tears from your mom so she wouldn't have to worry about how you're feeling because you think she has better things to worry about.

you thought your sister moving out would be exciting because you finally get your own room. but really you used that as an excuse so you can think of something other than your draining thoughts of being alone now. alone, in your room, crying because you wish you could have the father you've always dreamed on.

"y/n?" matt calls out softly as he rocks side to side with your baby girl in his hands.

"hm?"

"you okay sweetheart?" he asks concerned

you immediately burst into tears.

matt gently places your daughter in her crib and he comes rushing over. "hey, whats wrong? talk to me."

"just s-seeing you hold her and love her is making me think about a bunch of stuff, you know i-issues with my dad how he made me feel. and it reminded me of this specific moment." you sob into his chest.

"oh y/n, i know, love, i know" he whispers in my hair rubbing my back

"i just love you so much. you're already such a good dad and i know you'll never make her feel the way i felt growing up."

"look at me." he says "we'll be who he couldn't be. i will do everything to make sure she doesn't feel the way you felt. we both will. you laid on that hospital bed for 19 hours so she could be in our arms, you're amazing, and she is so lucky to have you as her mom. your past doesn't define you. your past is just a small part of how you became the amazing woman you are today.

you hug matt tighter than ever. "thank you matt"

"no need to thank me bug."

you both get up from your bed and stand over your babys crib and admire the little being you brought into this world.

"she's perfect." he says wrapping his arms around you from behind.

[tinytennisskirt]

Your 'rumours' fic was so adorable!!! I'd love to see some childhood bestfriends with Art from you, like reader just following him around like a puppy since childhood and at first he doesn't know how what to do with her but then she starts to grow on him,

UGH, what's it feel like to be loved???

-🍃

More Than Anything

Summary: ^above^ with a twist of angst and a few changed plot points. Art and his childhood best friend navigate the forces that pull them apart. Whatever he does, she does. He’s not sure what else is more natural than being her best friend. And no matter what she’s told, that will never change.

Warnings: fluff! drinking, mean Patrick, mentions of weed, mentions of sex, one mention of the risk of being roofied (nobody is roofied), a little ANGST. And a kiss.

Little Art Donaldson was having a day at the park when he met a little girl. It was you and there was much to babble about when there were so many things to do at the park and you, in a tiny voice, said you’d never been to the park before. Art took you by the little hand and you willingly followed as he showed you every single section that there was, even the swings.

Art, young, when met with lunch, he dropped his sandwich in the sand. He cried- the meat and lettuce all covered in grains and small pieces of sticks wasn’t a big issue but for a kid, it was quite upsetting to not have a lunch anymore.

You were more little, two years younger than Art, but you knew just what to do. Picnic lunch with your family nearby, stood next to him and asked if he wanted to come have some food with your family. You didn’t know you couldn’t just invite crying kids to eat with you. You were just too young, too pure.

He said yes, obviously. His dad was somewhere nearby on his phone, business call. Didn’t notice Art was sitting at your picnic bench eating fried chicken and watermelon with you and your parents.

Your mom was a sweet woman, so of course she’d never say no to a starved child. Art’s father found him no problem. He wasn’t a bad man either- not angry. In fact he sat down to eat with them and by the end of the meal they’d set up a time to come by and play another day.

From that day on, your parents befriended and you and Art became best friends. Self-proclaimed. Art didn’t know how to play anything but video games and baseball and he slowly got more into tennis, which he tried to show you. You weren’t that good at anything he did, but still, you would play together in the sandbox, run around each other’s yard. It felt like an endless summer with you two. If one of you was out and playing, so was the other. Usually more revolving around what Art did. It was simple, easy, fun. Anywhere Art would go, you were there too. It helped each other’s parents get a little peace every now and then or let them hang out as adults.

You maintained your personality, just as sweet as candy but with a boyish love for adventure, as your mom would say. That boyish side definitely came from Art. Where he was, you were, no matter what. Even if it was up a steep hill, even if it was the river nearby, even if it was the ant hill and you both got a million bug bites. Every scrape you shared, every bruise you compared in the backyard on the tire swing, every scrape from your bikes. Everything was shared.

You were a little in love with him. Even from a young age, the moment you could think boys were cute, you thought Art was the most adorable. It was platonic love, of course. The capacity to truly love wasn’t there, just pending…

And you and Art grew up together. You pursued different hobbies but still found the time, even with school. It was easy the first few years, you were only in kindergarten and then it was elementary. Apparently once you hit grade three you’re not supposed to hang out with anyone younger. Art wasn’t sure what to do, but he spent lunch recess with his friends and first and last recess with you anyway.

One thing was for sure. It was that you would follow him around like you didn’t know any other way, when he was nearby. You’d do whatever he did, even if he invited his other friends. A lot of the neighbourhood kids assumed he was your annoying sister, even when Art said you weren’t. You were just a little girl who liked to stick around.

That was how it was all elementary school until Art was in grade nine and you were still in seventh. The dynamic changed- he was still playing tennis, still seeing you, but more when your parents would see each other. Otherwise Art was with Patrick.

You knew Patrick well. He was around and so were you. Sometimes Patrick was nice, sometimes he wasn’t, but he was just a kid. You’d call Art sometimes and Patrick would pick up and just say “he’s busy!” And hang up. You had other friends but knowing someone pretty much your whole life, having a small itty bitty tiny crush your whole life, and having them turned away by a new crowd was a little hard. He still found time.

Art didn’t know what to do with you when he went to high school. It was weird you were still so young to him.

“Art,” you said. You were finally in high school and found him in the hall. “I can’t find the math classroom, I was wondering-“

“Take a left at the corner and it’s right there. Good luck, I’ll see you later, gotta go!” It sucked, but it was fine. If you had the chance, you’d tag along, still sporting the same following attitude. You went where he did.

Art was cute, yeah, but when he graduated you thought less. Sure you’d follow him wherever, but you had wanted to go to Stanford much longer than he had. Screw him and his two years on you, he was already enrolled. And he moved away.

You barely had a life when he was gone. It was all stupid. He called you every few days and of course you picked up the second your phone rang but it was still stupid. You’d call him whenever you liked which was much more often- and sometimes he’d pick up, other times he wouldn’t.

You and Art hung out a few days before college started. You walked through the city around Stanford, talking in the park. His choice of location. “It’s good to be in the same area as you again,” he said. You smiled as the wind blew your hair around your face, warm. “I don’t have to call now.”

“You didn’t like the phone calls?” You asked.

“No, I loved them, don’t get me wrong, they’re effective. You have no idea how good it was to hear your voice when I missed home.”

Your smile turned into a grin, he matched it. “Now what do we do when we both miss home?” You asked. He laughed and bumped against your shoulder.

“I’ll just call your mom,” he said. You both laughed at his immature humour. It was good to be back with him, he was right.

“Uh huh and I’ll call your dad, no hesitation,” you teased. He shoved you a little so you stumbled a few steps off the path. “I’m sure he’d love to hear all about you and your adventures with marijuana.” You poked him in the ribs as you regained your position on the path. He grinned his crooked grin, the one you knew so well.

“I’d just have to tell your mom that you actually have had your first kiss and you aren’t her perfect little princess anymore.” He said.

“She’d never believe you,” you pretended to judge him, eyes narrowed. “She’d die, she’s so Catholic, Art, she’s sooo Catholic.” You fake groaned and he laughed. It was good to know that even though the distance made things feel odd, the dynamic somewhat returned when you were together again.

“She is so Catholic, but I’m sure she’d be fine with it, come on…” He ruffled your hair up and you gasped.

“Art- my hair took like an hour to braid- and she would die, I’m sure of it. On the spot. Unless you want her to die, I suggest you keep that secret.”

“And you keep your secret about the weed?”

“Deal.”

“Deal.” He repeated, pulling you into a quick hug, smile on his face. He’d missed you. He let you go. But his phone buzzed, it was Patrick, who he said he’d meet. He lost track of time with you. “Shit, Y/N. I made plans to play pool with a friend. I have to run, but I’ll see you soon, okay?” He was already stepping back. You were going to ask where he played pool, you were going to ask who with, just curious, but he was already on the run. It was fine.

Your first day at Stanford, 18 years old, you found yourself in his exact residency building, just on the girls end. It was convenient. Your parents had just left. You had your hair up in a claw clip as you set all your pictures up in the room, covered and made the bed. Your roommate was really nice already, sharing a bag of chips and telling you she brought a mini fridge you could both use. You had a feeling you’d love it there. Stanford was the dream.

You were bringing another box in when Art passed you. “Art!” you said, dropping your box. Art turned, confused.

“Y/N?” He said. He knew you were here just not in his building. He pulled you into a quick hug. “You got a room in this residence? You didn’t even tell me.” He let go.

“I didn’t know which you were in, I didn’t even think it might be the same,” you giggled. He smiled. You looked at the box you dropped. Art kept walking down the hallway, you left all your things to follow. “How are you?” You asked, walking just a bit behind him.

“I’m good! I just was out for lunch,” He said. “Uh- come, I’ll show you my room.” He didn’t expect you to follow him the way you did, but it was always okay. “It’s great you’re here. I would hang out but there’s a party tonight, the frat throws one every year for newcomers.”

You weren’t a party person. “Are you going?”

“I think so yeah, me and a few of my friends. You remember Patrick.” You were glad you hadn’t seen Patrick in a few years, honestly. “He’s over right now in my room, actually. You can say hi.”

“Perfect,” you said, following him up the steps and through the boys-side lounge. “Can I go with you?”

He nodded, swallowing. He knew you didn’t go to parties, he was planning on seeing you tomorrow night. “Uh… yeah. Yes. I don’t see why not, you’ve been to parties right?” He pretended like he didn’t know.

“No,” you replied.

“Okay, well you’ve been drunk at least.”

“No,” you answered. You might have if you’d been around while Art started his late-highschool-early-college drinking era. “Is that bad? Should I have?”

“Not necessarily,” Art chuckled. You were exactly the sweet girl he knew. “Means it’ll happen faster. I have drinks you can have if you want them. This is my room-“ he opened the door to the dorm room and it wasn’t much. Pretty normal, some tennis posters, some video game stuff lying around and Patrick in a spinning computer chair with headphones on. “Patrick.” Art said, hitting his friend in the back of the head.

You looked around, eyes everywhere, then on Patrick as he spun around. His eyes widened and he looked at Art, then you. Art spoke up as Patrick took his headphones off, “You remember Y/N.”

It had been a while since you and Patrick had seen each other. As annoying as he used to be, he was much taller. More hair, more muscle, taller. He wasn’t bad looking, you noted. You didn’t know Patrick was noting the same, just a little more male-oriented in his ways of thinking. “Holy shit, hi.” Patrick said.

“Hey,” you replied, smiling. You could let bygones be bygones. Everyone here was an adult now. “How are you?”

“I’m good, how are you?” Patrick asked.

You were surprised he seemed civil. “I’m good, thank you.” Your smile turned into a grin. “It’s good to see you both.”

“You’ll be back here at seven, hm?” Art squeezed your upper arm gently. He turned to Patrick, “She’s coming with us tonight.”

Patrick narrowed his eyes at you. “Is she even eighteen?” He spoke like you weren’t there- that was the Patrick you remembered.

“Yes, she’s eighteen. And she’s with us, so she’s fine.” He turned back to you. “You go get settled in, we’ll see you later.” He dismissed you- you would have stayed if he didn’t say so.

You waved and said goodbye and the hours passed. You unpacked and got ready, putting on something cute. Your roommate was going too, said she would see you there. At ten past seven, you knocked on Art’s dorm room door.

Patrick opened the door, “It’s her,” he called to Art, looking you dead in the eyes. “You look terrifying with eyeliner.” He remarked with a smile.

You laughed. “Thanks.”

Art rushed out of the bathroom, buttoning up his open shirt. “No, you look great.” He rushed past, then turned a bit to look again. “You look really nice actually. Wow.“

You smiled and shrugged. He finished the buttons and grabbed a can from a case under his bed. “Drink this, you’ll like it.” He cracked it open for you and everything.

“Thank you- what’s the rush?”

Patrick shook his head, sipping from his own can. “No rush, he’s just fast.”

You took a sip, it wasn’t great but it was bearable. You scrunched your nose. Art walked by you again, putting his socks and shoes on. “Rules, Y/N.” He said. “Just in case, okay?”

You nodded. “Rules?”

“Rules,” he repeated. “Don’t drink anything anyone offers you, no matter what it looks like. Don’t take any pills or drugs. Don’t leave with anyone without telling me first.” He said. It was a lot more serious than the rules he’d made up for his own version of tag when you were kids. Time was an odd thing…

“Okay,” you agreed. Art stopped in front of you and stole a sip from your drink before raising his eyebrows and grinning.

“You could just put her on a leash,” Patrick chimed in. You cocked your head to the side and shook it slowly at Patrick. Patrick spun in the chair, “Or if she’s anything like she used to be, you won’t need to.”

What was that supposed to mean?

Things progressed and you went to meet some of Art’s friends to drink more before heading over and you enjoyed tagging along. Art let you choose the music in his car and his friends approved of it enough. Some guys, two girls, you. Art.

Two low percentage drinks made you fuzzy. You weren’t even there yet. You weren’t sure what was expected, but it was odd. You clung to Art’s side the whole time, not physically, but you were near.

Eventually you got to the party and it was loud and crowded and easy to lose people in the hoards. Art slipped away somewhere and you didn’t know what to do, so you finished a third can and you were feeling it for sure. It was weird, strange, loopy, almost. You sat on the stairs, just people-watching. Playing it safe instead of mingling. It was fine.

A while passed, though it didn’t feel like it. Patrick was the one to find you, “Have you been here the whole time?” He asked over the music.

“Yeah,” you replied.

“Maybe Art should have put you on a leash,” he chuckled.

You were drunk enough to ask, “What does that even mean?” You stole his drink and he let you, taking a swig and handing it back like drinking was normal, casual. It was not.

“You know how when you used to follow him around all the time? Like a lost puppy?” He laughed like it was something you’d known, like it was obvious. “Everywhere we would go, you were just trailing behind. As kids we couldn’t even go outside without you following us. I knew you were really you when you came here because now you’re gorgeous- which I hate- but you’re still you, following us to this party.”

Part of that was meant to be nice. You could tell Patrick was drunk as well the way he told the truth so easily. But what he said had the ability to sink in and hurt, burning into you like acid. That’s how Patrick, the practical extension of Art- viewed you? Just some sad girl who followed Art around forever?

It stung to hear. “What?” You asked again. As if you didn’t hear. As if your eyes didn’t gloss over. You had no idea. Did you just not pick up on the fact you weren’t wanted there?

“You’re still you. I should have known when you were still calling him all the time from home. Calling and calling and calling. You still follow Art around like you have that schoolgirl crush on him or something, fuck you’re even here at Stanford, he just cannot get rid of you. I never got why you liked him so much, but yeah, you practically invited yourself here with us. It’s not bad to see you, but you know, it’s college. Be your own person.”

It stung, it dug deeper. You blinked back tears, but you knew Patrick didn’t notice at all whatsoever. You looked at your hangs, feeling the embarrassment and shame in your fingertips. “I’m sorry.” You said. You wished you were saying it to Art.

“Hm?” Patrick didn’t hear you. But you stood up and nodded, repeating yourself to him.

“I’m sorry,” you said more firmly. He heard you for sure, his head turned as you walked by, pushing past people and disappearing into the crowd again. You walked out the door and went back to your dorm. There was no point in staying. You’d be your own person, you weren’t one for parties.

You thought about it the whole way. Had you invited yourself and not noticed? You remembered asking. Patrick wasn’t even there when you asked, for fucks sake. You knew Patrick was drunk, but drunk words = sober thoughts, you’d heard. Patrick was mean, that was for sure. You wondered if it even phased him.

You fought tears, rethinking your childhood with Art. How much of it did he want? How much of it was your parents? You took off your party clothes and slipped into the most comfortable t-shirt and shorts and took off your makeup. You sat in your new bed, knees to your chest and just thought, endlessly, over everything.

You knew you and Art wouldn’t be super close forever, obviously you weren’t naive, but he was always the most familiar thing. New places were always explored with him, new things were always tried with him, anything new was always perceived from Art’s side. Even without him there for a while, it was still something you valued. You didn’t realize maybe you’d been clinging. Had you been clinging? Or was he just a close friend? What was the difference?

You let some of your tears fall down your face. You were in school now, it was new, it was supposed to be fun. And you would be your own person this time, you guessed. You fell asleep with the lights on.

The next day you rolled over and looked at six missed calls from Art. He probably wondered if you got home fine or if you broke one of his rules. You didn’t read anything he sent, you just typed out

‘I got home safe’.

And left it at that. It was easiest. You rolled over and out of bed, into an outfit and asked your roommate if she wanted to get coffee with you. She was easily and instantly a great friend. Coffee turned into going to the thrift stores and talking and talking and talking. You knew each other’s life stories by the end of the day.

You had another missed call from Art around 3pm. You’d call him tomorrow, you thought, before Patrick’s voice chimed back into your head. You decided against it. Classes started tomorrow anyway.

The next day, classes were amazing. You had made tons of friends and assembled what felt like the beginnings of a friend group. After class everyone hit the cafeteria for super salty chicken tenders. Everything Patrick said still hurt, but it was good to have the distraction. Other friends. Ones who you were sure wanted you around regardless, even if it meant staying close by.

“Someone came by here for you,” Your roommate told you when you got home. “Said his name was Art?”

“A friend of mine,” you said. How sure were you of that? “Did he say anything?”

“No, just swung by and asked if you were here. I told him you were out and that I didn’t know when you’d be back.” She said. You eyed the dual schedules of yours and hers hanging up above her desk and the both of you smiled. “Just in case.”

You talked the night away again. She was a great listening ear as you confessed the whole thing to her. She was very sweet about it and gave you one of her ice cream sandwiches.

The next day you were laughing and leaving class and Art found you. You didn’t run, hide, you just looked at him. “Hey,” he started. “You haven’t been answering my calls or texts I thought maybe you’d died.” He shrugged sheepishly.

“I’ve just been busy,” you said. It was somewhat true- you’d busied yourself to be a different person, your own person. “Why, what’s up?”

“Nothing, I just-“ Art stopped himself. “You left early and you didn’t tell me.”

“The party?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Patrick said he saw you. Where were you?”

“I was on the stairs before I left. And then I went straight home and right to bed.” You told him honestly. “I’m sorry.” At least now you got to tell him you were sorry. “Look, I have another class in ten across campus, I have to go.”

“I’ll walk you,” he said.

You had to take a deep breath. All you saw in his offer was pity. Obligations. “My friends are waiting on me, I’m sorry. Thanks though.” You dismissed him.

“Yeah, you’re welcome,” he said. He wasn’t used to whatever version of you this was. You were sweet, you were kind, you were always willing to stick around if he needed you. You would always hang back if he was tying his shoelaces, but you wouldn’t even walk with him. “See you around.”

“Bye, Art!” You called from ahead. Part of you felt terrible. It wasn’t normal to do what you just did, but it was essential. How would you be someone uninfluenced if you couldn’t break the habit?

A few more days passed. Art would call every now and then. You would never pick up. You were busy. It was the least contact you’d had with him in your entire life- by choice, at least. Camping and vacations never counted. Your roommate said he’d been by twice more.

Another party came up. A Friday night- you, your roommate, your class friends all wanted to go. It still wasn’t your thing but why couldn’t it be? Reinvention.

No pregaming, just one drink in hand at the party you were talking with your friends in the corner, laughing, having fun. There was a guy in your new friend group that had been showing interest, or at least that’s what your friend said, backed up by your roommate. He was cute but he was your height, not taller. He was nice but said a few things that had made you cringe. You were trying to get into the college era vibe by flirting back but it was all empty.

You had no idea how to flirt with someone who wasn’t picking up on simple hints, but you stood with him, talking to him against the wall, closer than your other friends were.

You felt a hand on your lower back, turning to face Art. His hand raised itself to your upper arm, “Thought you didn’t like parties?” He said. No hello, no hi, no greeting.

“I’m giving it another chance,” you replied. “The first one wasn’t great.”

He furrowed his eyebrows, “Can we talk?” He asked. Your roommate stepped in and removed Art’s hand from your arm. It fell to his side. He looked at you, eyes meeting yours in the flashing lights of the party. You’d put off your friendship enough to allow maybe a conversation. He wanted to talk, he’d been wanting to talk, not sure about what but you nodded. “Somewhere quieter?” He suggested, gesturing for you to follow him. You stepped a few steps in the direction you started before realizing you were following him. You tapped his arm.

“This way,” you said. And you changed direction and headed up the stairs. Every room was occupied. You had no idea where you were going, so you turned to two doors in the hall and found yourself on the frat balcony. Greek letters hung just above your head height. Art closed the door behind you both, muting the inside noise. And he just looked at you, hands in his pockets, eyes soft, summer breeze in the air.

You blinked off his gaze, feeling judged, but he knew you were sober aside from a sip or two. Unaffected. “You’ve been busy,” he started. “I called again a few times, was wondering if you wanted to come with me and Patrick to see a showing of Back To The Future in the campus park this weekend.”

You smiled a little to yourself. Back to The Future was a shared favourite between you and Art. Your expression softened. “I’m not too busy…” you said. “But you’re inviting me?”

“Of course I’m inviting you, I haven’t seen you in a week and a half.” He said it like it was the biggest drop of common sense. “I want you to come with us.”

You shook your head, looking at your feet. You didn’t speak. Art spoke instead, “What happened at the first party? I know something happened, I can assume something happened. I lost you and I never found you and the next day you’re different. You’re not you.”

You weren’t you because you weren’t trailing after him on an invisible leash? You sighed heavily, “I don’t know.”

“You do know. I know you. You know. And we tell each other everything, but you’ve gone radio silent.”

You looked over the balcony, at the trees and the way their leaves rustled in the light wind. You folded your arms over your chest, unknowing of how to answer. He spoke again in your silence, “I’ve missed you.” He said.

You looked at him, “Missed me?”

He shrugged, “Yeah, why wouldn’t I? When I missed you before I could just call and you’d answer and now I can’t see you when you’re in the same building as me. I’m used to you being around. It’s different when you’re not.”

Your lip quivered like you wanted to cry and you felt burning behind your eyes, but no tears surfaced, just remembering how you felt when Patrick said what he said. You couldn’t let that go. “I just wasn’t at your heels,” you said.

“Hm?” Art stepped forward.

“Like a lost puppy,” you continued. “I’ve been trying to be my own person. Do things without you, without being on your tail at all times.”

He looked like that hurt him. How would that have hurt him? “What?” He asked it like you said something wild and crazy.

“I didn’t want to be some sad girl who follows you around anymore. I know you have priorities, I know you have friends here that you’ve known and connected with and I think you should be allowed your space… from me.” You said. Part of that was gushing and for the first time you realized that staying away from him had only partially been for you. It was an act of sentiment toward him to allow him to enjoy himself without you as a ball and chain.

Art looked like someone punched him in the stomach for a moment as he processed what you said. He changed expressions to concern, then to disbelief and then he just looked sad. “How did you come to that conclusion? Y/N… What? Space? From you? Like I didn’t go through two years of it already, seeing you only at Christmas and Easter?”

“You have great friends here and you see them all the time and you go out and you go to parties and I just tagged along that night, didn’t I? You were going to the party with your friends and I asked to go with you and you-“

“I said yes!” He said, voice a little louder. Trying to get it across. “I said yes. I didn’t think you would even want to go.”

“I want to be where you are. Or I wanted to be where you were, I missed you. I didn’t mean to invite myself. You could have said no.”

“I wanted you there!” He replied.

“Are you sure? You lost me pretty fast.”

“I spent the rest of the night looking for you! I haven’t spoken to three people from that night because I disregarded their existence looking for you, ruined their nights. I wondered if maybe you got roofied or you were fucking some guy in a bathroom- I-“ He ran his hands through his curls. “You didn’t message me until the next morning, I was still out there looking for you when you messaged me.”

Your lips parted and your mouth suddenly felt very dry. A little breath slipped out, a hush. You looked at him and he looked at you, his eyes soft and kind and sweet and just like the ones of the boy who dropped his sandwich in the sandbox. Art shook his head, stepping closer to you, stepping back and standing his ground closer to you. He looked up at the sky, “I love you and I care about you and I do fucking miss you.” He said. “More than anything. I’ve been losing my mind the past week.”

“I didn’t know,” you said.

“I called and came by your dorm,” he replied. “So this is the part where you tell me what the fuck I did to make you think you were someone I didn’t want around.” He was firm, but you could see the pain in his expression.

You swallowed hard, wondering what he would think. “Patrick, um…” you started but talking about it made you want to cry. You tried to get rid of the lump in your throat. “He found me and he said a few things about me being the same little girl who followed you around everywhere when I wasn’t wanted.” Your voice almost broke but you saved yourself, though you couldn’t stop your eyes from starting to tear up.

“Patrick said that?”

“He’s the one who made the lost puppy comparison. I’m not mad at him or anything, he was drunk, but he talked about me calling you all the time, how it all adds up to the same schoolgirl crush and how you can’t get rid of me and you’re the reason I’m here at Stanford and…” you trailed off because it choked you out. “It’s okay, it just made me rethink a lot of things. He said I need to be my own person.”

“You are your own person, what the fuck? Made you think that you needed to give me space? He was able to make you believe that I wanted to get rid of you? After being friends with you for seventeen years of my life?” He questioned it but you knew he wasn’t actually questioning you. It was rhetorical, you knew the answers. “I swear to god, I’ve never given so much as a notion that I don’t want you around other than I couldn’t want you around because you were either too far or just not invited. If I had it my way you’d be invited to everything, I would never not want you around.”

He grabbed you by both of your shoulders, squeezing but resting gentle. You sighed, “But I have followed you around like a lost puppy.” You said, blinking back threateningly hot tears.

“You’re not a lost puppy. Do you think I don’t feel like I’m dragging you around sometimes?”

“You’ve never dragged me anywhere,” you said. You smiled just a little and he couldn’t help but do the same. “I like being around you.”

“I like having you around. I’ve never thought of you as any sort of dog at my heels or whatever the fuck it is you or Patrick said.” He squeezed your arms again, sliding his hands up to the back of your neck, under your hair, bracing you. “You are everything to me, I don’t care where you are, if you’re behind me or in front of me, beside me, just with or around me, it’s the safest, most familiar thing I know. You can go anywhere you want but you chose to stick around me when you were only three and it was the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me.”

He confessed. You sighed, this time, just out of the peace his words brought.

“I mean at first I didn’t know what to do with a little girl who was depending on me to teach her how to make stick forts and weird knots and how to climb hills but we’ve figured everything out together. And I don’t want that to stop. Fuck Patrick, honestly. You over him, you over anyone, anything, any day of the week, I’m sorry. I’m not that sorry”

You didn’t know what else to do or how to reply. Every word he said kicked Patrick’s take on you to the curb. Everything Patrick had thought about you was disproven, thrown, ripped to shreds. Your heart beat fast, heavily, thudding against the inside of your ribs. You breathed out hard, hoping that maybe it would expel some of the emotion that was overloading. Art’s hands had moved slowly up the back of your neck, unnoticed as he confessed everything and now they rested just at your jaw, thumbs by your ears. This moment of yours before the breath only lasted seconds but felt like eternity. You could have cried, sobbed, even, with the amount of emotion that instantly overcame your body but you didn’t cry or scream it out, there was nothing more fitting than how Art closed the gap between the two of you with a kiss.

His hands at your jaw, yours grabbed onto his sides like it was natural. Like you’d done it a million times. As he kissed you with slightly chapped lips pressed firmly to your own, you found that there was some release, some weight gone. Some ghost butterfly danced around your stomach and your head and the kiss was not long, but not short either, but it was needed and the kiss itself was telling of that. All of your emotion washed out like the tide and came back slowly, regular, calm, known.

You pulled away at the same time, mutually. “I love you too.” You said quietly. He grinned that crooked grin you knew too well and suddenly you were laughing about it. About something, about everything. He kissed you again, of course, harder, laughing through it, his hands around your waist and your arms around his neck and this second kiss turned itself into a hug. An embrace, tighter than the usual ones. He buried his face in your neck as you expressed everything you’d needed to in all of your seventeen years as best friends. He apologized for any distance, any fault in the way he prioritized you, and any time he may have taken you for granted. Being without you was harder than he could have imagined.

And nothing ever changed how either of you felt about each other again. Though… Art started following you around a bit more from that point on, but who wouldn’t want that?

A/N: Thank you for the request! I hope this is somewhat to your liking, though I followed your prompt a bit loosely with the pacing. Always feel free to request! That goes for everyone

[fatalheart0]

'Silence' Part 1

Fanfic written for @sleepyconfusedpotato for Jade and Ghost.

Warnings: Angst

Originally, I was going to make this extremely sad by having ghost find out jade was KIA. But I didn't have the heart to do it.

Ignore any grammar mistakes. I'm a bit sleepy, lol.

—---------------

"It's too silent-..."

Ghost quietly sulked behind the back of the pick up truck he and soap just escaped in, from Graves and his men. When the ambush happened Jade, Ghost and Soap were quick to break off to avoid capture, unfortunately Vargas was caught. Throughout the remainder of trying to avoid Shadow company they all continued to have small talk through their coms. I guess you could say it was a way for them to keep their heads on right, especially soap who was injured.

But after a while, Jade had gone silent. Not one word was spoken from her end. Ghost figured she was in a tight spot and had to remain with 0 contact to avoid being spotted, but that was difficult for him. Memories of the small moments they shared rushed into his head and he immediately tried to brush them off. She was a strong woman, she would be okay. Right?

He pondered in silence on whether they should turn back to pick jade up, but that risked getting them both caught and soap needed medical attention.

"Ghost?"

Ghost turns his head to soap who is still standing there clutching his bleeding shoulder. They had made it to a safe house Vargas showed Ghost on a map, one he made sure to keep a mental note of in case anything went to shit. And what do you know? It did. Ghost remains silent and nods, getting off the truck and making his way back inside with Soap following in suit.

Rudy, who had been holed up in the safe house greets them once again to which soap offers a nod.

"Why is it so silent?.."

Is all Ghost can think, the radio silence bugged him. He should have heard from her by now. It shouldn't be this silent- but at the same time it felt so loud. The world around him began to ring in his head, the voices of the past haunting him. Her voice haunting him. He could barely hear the conversation between Rudy and Soap, who was helping him with his fresh wound.

3 hours pass -

It was very visible.

No one could not see it.

The irritability Ghost wore was like this giant cloud of darkness swarming around him. At the first hour mark, they still heard nothing from jade and Ghost had begun to worry. By the 2nd hour Ghost became antsy, the smallest things setting him off to argue with everyone who was now gathered at the safe house. When the 3rd hour hit, Ghost had become unwilling to work with people, even Gaz and Price. He was starting to lose the grip on himself that he worked so hard to build. Why hadn't she called in yet? What is her location? Did her radio break? Is she too far away to use her radio? Is she hurt? What if she's screaming for him right now and he's sitting here doing nothing.

So many questions rushed through his head, how was he supposed to keep himself calm in this storm when she was the very thing that helped him through the rough waves of a vast ocean or the dark abyss from swallowing him whole. She was the very thing he needed all his life, every fear, every doubt, every dark thought that plagued his mind was instantly gone with just her presence alone.

For the very first time Ghost felt weak and helpless. He should be doing something, not just sitting here. Not sitting here. Ghost's eyes lit up for a moment as he quickly made his way outside. Merging with the shadows he effortlessly made his way to a truck without being seen. He takes a deep breath, the engine revs loudly as he turns the key. He speeds off leaving price and the others yelling to become distant background noise until it's gone. He didn't care if he got reprimanded for his actions, the woman he loved- truly loved was out there and needed him.

For hours on end he searched the last place they were at, going through every house and every room checking under staircases, in dumpsters. Anywhere she could've hidden herself from view to stay safe. He felt all hope vanishing as he dropped to the floor. Was this his reality? Did he really have to let go of her and move on? He could feel the tears well up in his eyes and he lowered his head to the ground.

The slight shimmer that bounced off the ground reflecting in the corner of his eyes grasps his attention, saddened eyes slowly drift to the sparkling speckle within the short distance fron him. The longer he stared the more he could make out, he quickly crawled over picking up the item and let out a strained sigh of relief. What had been shining in his eye was the bullet necklace he had given Jade one day off duty. Ghost was silent as tears flowed down his face as he realized through all the bodies he'd seen, not one was hers. Not a single one.

But that left him with one question. Where was she? There was no signs of Graves men having been present in the area, giving Ghost a moment to attempt to call for jade.

"Jade. This is ghost do you read me?"

Static.

And once again silence. He huffs out an annoyed sigh and stands back up looking around taking in his options. He can't give up yet.

"Jade this is ghost do you copy"

His head perked at the slight noise that echoed from a small alleyway. Pressing his radio button he holds it then releases it, and he hears it again. A beeping noise, one that happens when radio signals bounce off each other when they are close. Quickly he dashes around the corner and looks around. Nothing but dumpsters and trash. But there, on top of a few garbage bags slightly covered with trash was a flashing light. It was small but easily visible. Moving the trash away he picks up a entire radio set and ear peice. He reads the number that's used to keep track of the radios on base. Jade's radio number was #12095.

Slowly he read them off before tightly holding the radio, he brings it to his chest. Holding it there, happy knowing there was still a chance she slipped away. Suddenly prices voice comes out into his ear piece.

"Ghost we need you back here at the safe house. We have located jade. We will discuss more when you get here"

'Don't need to tell me twice' ghost thought as he bolts back to the truck speeding back to the safe zone. Once there, he bursts through the front door. "Is she alive?" Was the first thing to leave his lips as he shoulders rise and fall with every deep heavy breath.

"Alive yes, but she's been caught by Graves and his men. She's being held in Vargas' base. The same one Graves took control over." Ghost can feel the blood moving through his body. He clenches his hands, knuckles cracking. "Let's do this.."

Nothing more needed to be said. For the rest of the night, the group planned how to storm the base, where the guards were posted up in towers and the places that could hold prisoners. Nothing was going to stop ghost from reaching Jade. Nothing. Not even the devil himself could stop him from getting to her.

The next morning was miserable without jade there. Even though he knows she's alive, it still doesn't make the empty feeling go away. Throughout the day ghost did nothing but train and check to make sure equipment was clean and operational. Nothing was allowed to go wrong, not on this mission. When night fell, everyone went over the plan once more.

To start was to take out the guards in the towers, climb over the wall, and quietly make their way inside without alerting anyone of their presence. The battle was to be fought when they left with Vargas and Jade, so they weren't moved or killed on sight. Everything was in order, and the 141 set out to get their team back.

—-------

Authors note: if I kept writing, I probably would've filled out tumblrs' word limit, so to keep it safe and in order I will make a part 2.

[am-i-obsessed---maybe]

Disordered (Shadow Of A Bluejay Ch.9)

Whoooo, angst (light angst but angst) in general it's a shorter chapter because it's mostly reformatted from Shadow Of A Bluebird seeing as it covered much of the same ground.

My current plan is three more chapters (including the finale) and a few more mini chapters to cover the remaining episodes and milestones we need to hit to be ready for the finale one of which is gonna be Blue's first time meeting their fellow sidekicks!

Wordcount: 1.2k

Series masterpost

Mount Justice October 23, 17:30 EDT

It’d been a week since Batman put you and the team through a train for failure mission. A week to sit on everything that occurred in the increasingly horrifying experience where no matter what you did the situation kept getting worse. You refused to speak after the exercise. You didn’t leave the cave. You simply trained, and trained and trained while rerunning what had happened in the exercise in your mind.

Simulation Alien Mothership October 16th

Artemis was dead. Kaldur was dead. Connor was dead. Dinah was dead. Ollie was dead. Roy was probably either dead or dying and you felt anger that you haven’t felt in a very long time. You were full of rage, rage that bubbled under your skin as your friends and everyone who tried to help them died before your eyes and it bubbled until you reached the boiling point.

Once you, Robin, Kid Flash, Miss Martian and Martian Manhunter were almost out of the mothership. Almost saved the world you snapped. Not at your allies but at the aliens that surrounded you. The strange bug like creatures surrounded your and you let your anger take control and you stormed the Aliens, screaming a battle cry.

“How dare you?! You killed Artemis! You killed Dinah! You killed Ollie! You killed everyone, and I’m going to make your deaths painful!” You sneered, you jumped into action. Muscle memory took control and almost every blow you landed hit hard. Energy consumed your veins and you began zapping or electrocuting the aliens, it was unclear to you. It didn’t matter though and your rage filled alien murder spree continued. Robin forced the Martians to escape and joined your fight only for you to be zapped by an alien he was fighting.

That’s when you woke up. You looked around, you listened to the explanation and all you could do was look down at your slightly shaking hands in guilt.

You stayed away from the rest of the team after that, refusing to talk to anyone. The only person you talked to was Dinah and only to tell her you were fine and didn’t wanna talk about it.

Mount Justice October 23rd

Kaldur had gone in to see Dinah, Connor and Artemis already spoke to her and M'gann felt too bad to look any of you in the eyes. all had left the room, leaving only you, Robin and Wally sitting in the lounge.

The TV was black and silent and the three of you just sat there.

The three of you had all "died" together in the simulation. Wally was your best friend and Robin was his and leaving you three alone well...

"Blue, your floating again" Wally said. He sat on the couch opposite you.

"Sorry, my mind was drifting" You said, falling back onto the couch with a lack of grace the two had never seen before.

"This is awful" Robin said.

"Do you ever think, maybe we shouldn't be doing this?" You asked.

"What do you mean?" Wally asked.

"I know we're the good guys but maybe we're too dangerous to be so freely fighting, I mean, you saw how quickly all of us became soldiers in there" You said.

"Is this because of that weird laser thing you did on the mothership?" Wally asked.

"It's because we're dangerous! Because if we're not careful, if we don't control ourselves we could so easily hurt so many people" You said.

"I mean, Wally you could theoretically break the sound barrier, and Robin and I could kill someone with just our bare hands" Yo looked down at your hands.

"Is it really safe for the people around to us to be around us?" You asked.

"Of course it is" Robin said.

"Yeah, we'd never do anything to hurt anyone" Wally added.

"But it would be so easy for us" You said.

"Is this because of your um... meltdown in the simulation?" Robin aske.

"No, just forget it" You said, getting up and walking out.

Mount Justice October 23, 20:03 EDT

You sat in front of her in a green chair and took off your glasses.

“I’m glad you chose to come talk to me Y/N” She said and you laughed dryly.

“As if I could ever escape it” You joked but Dinah stayed silent, waiting for you to speak. She knew you. She knows you. She knows that those dry, sarcastic jokes are a sign you’re going to open up.

“It was weird at first. I didn’t feel bad after seeing you and Ollie disintegrate but when Artemis died, or when we thought she did this feeling in my chest just appeared. Like a promise or an oath I had to uphold.” You explained and Dinah nodded. “And what was that promise?” She asked, you answered, though still didn’t look up from your hands.

“To get revenge. To painfully tear apart those who killed her… And you and Ollie.” You answered truthfully and finally looked up at her. “And I did. I killed them, so many of them.” Your voice started to shake and you looked back at your hands.

“Did you try to hurt them when you killed them?” She asked and you nodded.

“I wanted to— I did enjoy seeing them squirm as I did it. And seeing them all explode, it just felt…” A single sob escaped you. “It just felt right.” You confessed and you looked down at your rapidly shaking hands. “I promised— I said I’d never do it again. I’d never take a life like that again, but I felt good as I did it.” Warm tears began to flow down your face but you didn’t try to wipe them. You simply stared at your hands, trying to stop the shaking by tightly gripping your knees and Dinah simply sat. Waiting for you to feel good enough to continue.

"You're not at fault Y/N" Dinah said.

"Aren't I though? Four years of progress and yet all it took for me to snap was some stress" You said.

"It wasn't just stress. M'gann's mental state infected you. You thought you lost everything. In a situation like that regressing is natural" She said.

"It's not just that, between the mission in Bialiya, my mission with Roy and this, it feels like, like it's all coming back to haunt me." You told Dinah, though that wasn't the whole truth. You didn't tell Dinah about your meeting with Lady Lilith. You didn't tell anyone that.

"Is it really coming back to haunt you or are you scared it will? Your past will always be there Y/N but you have friends, close friends who care about you. Maybe it's time you told them at least some of it" Dinah said.

"No!" You yelled.

"Absolutely not. They'll hate me" You said.

"Y/N, we classified your file to keep you and everyone around you safe but it's been four years and they haven't come after you. perhaps it's time we think about declassifying some of it?" Dinah suggested.

"No. Not yet." You said and reluctantly Dinah nodded.

"Whatever you decide. You set the pace." she said.

The next week was rough, Canary let you off school and you spent a lot of time in the cave and with Roy. Ollie wasn’t joking when he said that even Roy was worried and he came by to help you try and return to normal while you coped. You were incredibly grateful for the distractions and to spend more time with him. It had been four months since he went solo and in that time you didn’t get the chance to hang out like you used to before. Unfortunately not everything was going great.

[alloveydovey]

Mid month dramaaaas, 2024 is giving quality content 🙌🏽

Lovely Runner, 2024 (kdrama) 8.5

FL is a fangirl who goes back in time to save her idol who ended his own life. (very shortly put lol)

I have thoughts!!! It's gonna be long because my expectations with this one were really high. Don't torch me please lol. If I have to be 100%, this drama wasn't what I expected at all. That being said, loser boy Byeon Woo Seok and cutie patootie Kim Hye Yoon were the real deal here. I came for the premise (okay, and because Byeon Wook Seok is fiiiiine) and stayed because of them.

Here's my deal with Lovely Runner. I didn’t read the webtoon or anything, so in my mind, I assumed they would explore what took Sun Jae to make such a decision in the first episode before Sol went back in time to try and fix everything. The drama starts pretty heavy with both main characters attempting in some way to take their own lives. So to go from that to absurd comedy was a bit extreme for me at first. I thought we would do a little mental health introspection here, a bit of commentary about being an idol and all. Then because the first episodes also focused a lot on Sun Jae's dream to be a professional swimmer and the doomed reality that it would not happen, I thought they would center around that as well. I guess I was picturing some sort of mix between 2521 and Twinkling Watermelon. Plus the whole aspect of Im Sol being disabled. But they didn’t really give any more thoughts to these aspects of the characters.

Moving on from my own expectations and a little disappointment that the drama headed in a different direction, I overall enjoyed watching most of it. To be honest, this is the type of drama you just have to go with it, no heavy thoughts included. It gives major classic rom-com kdrama vibes. The cast absolutely takes the cake, the adorable moments are overflowing, comedy hits and the OST is a 10/10.

I don’t mind time travel plot holes but there are still some thing that bugged me, though. One: The whole taxi guy story. I will admit I was extremely disappointed the moment he was introduced. It’s probably when I started lowering my rating. Why do writers (or webtoon authors) feel the need to just randomly pull out these guys? And this drama being so cute and funny... It didn’t need that at all. Specially, since he seemed really poorly written. Two: I might not get over the fact that these two characters both start in really dark places but it’s never really acknowledged in any meaningful way and instead the drama just does a 180° on that. If these subjects hadn’t been introduced then it would have been fine. But in comparison with what happens next, the rest of the drama felt a little superficial to me. Three: it ended up becoming really repetitive. Sol once again ignoring Sun Jae “for his own good”, Sun Jae going after Sol because he doesn’t really care, Sol ending up crying. All this mixed between cute and silly scenes.

Happy ending did make me the happiest, though 🥹

Will Love in Spring, 2024 (cdrama) 9

When they were kids and FL became disabled due to a car accident, ML’s words made her change her whole perspective. He goes on to become the town's mortician, and she becomes a successful saleswoman in the city. And you know the rest, sparks fly when they meet again.

Oof. Cdramas aren’t supposed to be this good, bro. Like… everything about it is just a chef kiss. Characters and their complexities, OST, cinematography, chemistry!! (It's crazy, for real) It presents the same problem as Meet Yourself, even with Li Xian back as the ML. But whereas Meet Yourself is a little lighter and deals with this problem in a respectful and thoughtful way, ML and FL here are filled with angst and tension. The drama itself is a lot heavier, which is not bad, but it's not always nice, and sometimes very frustrating. I saw comments saying that they found the characters to be rather toxic, and that is such a childish way of seeing their relationship. Not everything is red and green flags. This is not that type of drama. People throw the word toxic around everything nowadays. I’d say they were realistic. Both FL and ML make mistakes (because they both have issues) and the drama makes sure the audience knows they were wrong. Because, you know, humans fuck up and stuff. I liked that. But because I can't help but compare it to Meet Yourself, I gotta admit that even though I liked the pace, the OST, and the cinematography more here. MY remains superior, and therefore, I don't feel like I can give it a proper 10. I will say, though, last two episodes gave a bit ot a bittersweet ending even though it's supposed to be a happy one, and I didn't like that much.

Queen of Tears, 2024 (kdrama) 8.5/9

A lawyer from the countryside marries the top heiress of a leading conglomerate. They marry very much in love, but find themselves almost not communicating or holding much feelings for one another three years later.

I completely get why this got everyone hooked. Overall it’s a great story, and very well produced, but at the same time I gotta admit I was hoping for something a little more… exciting. Specially because it was written by the same screenwriter that did Crash Landing on You and The Legend of the Blue Sea and those two were a 10 for me. It might also be personal taste. Some people are into chaebol family dramas that focus on business with their villains cartoonishly evil. Me, personally, I get a bit bored and this is sort of what happened. Even though Kim Ji Won and Kim Soo Hyun got me hooked with their marriage story and the romance of it all, the rest was a bit 💤. Although both families living together was really cute and I loved those scenes. I’d say that’s where the magic of this drama was. The last episodes after her memory gets erased are a bit messy, but the ending still made me sob dramatically lol.

A Good Day to be a Dog, 2023 (kdrama) 7.5/8 (girl what are you doing still here?)

Because of a family curse if FL kisses someone she turns into a dog at midnight… which she does after accidentally kissing a fellow teacher. She can only break the curse if he kisses her again in dog form. The only problem is he’s scared of dogs and doesn’t seem to like her that much.

This is the first time I put on hold a drama and actually go back to finish it lol. I’m proud. This starts off very very cute. Cha Eun Woo but specially Park Gyu Young are really funny and both have great chemistry. The problem here for me is, once again, the past life storyline. I know this is based off a webtoon, but I swear that whole thing is what ruined it for me. I wasn’t into it at all and so the last 4/5 episodes I spent them skipping scenes. Howeveeer, if someone were to ask me if they should watch, I’d say yes. Because romance wins lol.

[idontplaytrack]

Big girls don’t cry

Lilette Suarez x fem! reader

Warnings: coarse language, angst?, fluff

In which a sick reader thinks it isn’t that serious and works herself exhausted until Lilette sees her walk through the door and nearly passes out

What the hell was this? A cold? Allergies? It’s better just be allergies. You couldn’t possibly be sick, you never get sick. And if you did, well…no one really took you seriously. Especially your family. They all think you were being dramatic. When was the last time anyway? High school? You had no idea how you got by so many years without falling sick ever since the stomach bug of ‘18. Goddamn, that was a terrible time.

You woke up that morning to a couple of sneezes. At first you didn’t think too much of it, but then it kept happening. Even on your way to work. You told yourself it was just allergies, but really, you were just lying to yourself and hoping that the headache you were beginning to feel, wasn’t really there.

The worst part of all, however wasn’t the sneezing or the ache in your head, but the fact that when you stepped into your office and felt like you’d walked into a damn freezer.

Focusing on your work became increasingly difficult as the minutes went by, you’ve not felt like this in years and hated every bit of it. You wanted to go home, did you need to? No. You weren’t a child, you were a grown woman perfectly capable of dealing with a cold.

You were wrong. You were so wrong.

By lunch time you were so close to tears that you felt like a crazy person sitting at your desk watching the time on the clock hoping it’d go by faster. All while working on a report that your boss had been asking for since the morning. Well, you had till the end of the day to complete it and hand it in, and even though your hands seemed to be working on autopilot, your mind and eyes couldn’t focus to help you see if any of it even made sense.

Some way or other, you made it to 5pm. Placing the folder on your boss’ desk, you left the building on the dot and actually made it home. Once you had entered the apartment, that’s when your world went to shit, pretty much. Every little bit of fatigue and aches and your symptoms hit you like a ton of bricks. As the front door shut, your eyes frantically searched for Lilette through their blurred vision. Your head was starting to spin and you could no longer stay standing without feeling like you’d collapse onto the floor. You hear footsteps coming from your left side, you turn your head and saw an unclear figure approaching you. Suddenly overwhelmed by a wave of nausea, you heard Lilette’s voice greeting you, asking you how you were and her hands holding onto you.

You weren’t sure if it was your giddiness or the lack of food you had that day which caused your nausea, but you knew you hated it so much. You desperately wanted it to go away. Lilette quickly helped you over to the couch to sit down, cupping your cheeks in her hands, “What’s the matter, love? Why didn’t you call me?”

You shook your head and somehow it was like switch flipped within you and the waterworks just began. You fell limp in her arms, “I’m sorry. I’m sick, I don’t feel good.”

She held you close, stroking your hair. Lilette looked at you, worried. Why the hell were you apologising for something out of your control? It wasn’t your fault.

“It’s okay, baby, I’ll be right here to take care of you.” She hushed, “What do you need?”

You couldn’t exactly talk clearly or at all from the crying you were doing. So she just quietly held you in her arms and let you release your emotions.

After awhile, “I’m hungry.” You swallowed thickly, “But I’m nauseous. And my head’s pounding and spinning and I feel hot and cold at the same time, Lil. I’ve never felt this way in years.”

She carefully let go of you. “I’ll make you some ginger tea to help settle your stomach, and some toast, okay? Try and have some of that and meds. Then once your stomach feels better, and after some rest I’ll see what we can do depending on how you’re feeling. But don’t worry, I got you.”

You took some deep breaths to calm yourself down. You knew you sounded ridiculous now that your emotions weren’t running high. She felt your forehead with the back of her hand and scurried away to retrieve a thermometer and medication. Before you knew it, the necessary meds were consumed and you’d already had some food in your system. Right now, you were in the shower. Lilette was with you. She still was, right there. Caring about you, making sure that you didn’t pass out. To you, that was not normal. That was never the norm for you growing up. You always had to tough it out, ‘be brave’, because your parents would always tell you ‘big girls don’t cry’. It was shit like that that stuck with you, instead of majority of the good things that came once you left that environment. You hated that they did that you your young, impressionable mind.

Lilette did all of these things for you without being asked, without making you feel bad, or like a burden. It made you feel better already not having to keep up with the facade of being okay when you so clearly were not. You did not have to pretend when you were with Lilette— she knew you better than anyone else. She knew what you went through better than anyone else. Too well, in fact. You were both still healing from things that have been shared with each other and some that hadn’t been. But, healing. It was a slow, sometimes difficult and painful process but you two were healing and getting better and stronger.

There were days like these though, where you felt absolutely beaten down. You hated it, but it had to run its course. You were sick, and you had to face it. You could face it better now, since you had someone who did not make you feel bad about yourself. Someone who cared about you, someone who didn’t mind doing things for you and loved you for you.

She watched you closely as you did everything from showering to drying yourself off and getting dressed. Once all that was done, she headed back out to the living room with you to cuddle on the couch. “Meds should have kicked in by now.” She muttered to herself, feeling your forehead again, “Do you still feel nauseous?”

“No.” You mumbled, “I think it was the giddiness. And the fact that I didn’t eat much today.”

“That’s good.” She presses a kiss to your temple. “Do you want anything else?”

“Nope.” You shook your head no, snuggling closer against her. She gladly wrapped her arms around you once again. “I’m guessing you’re not gonna just go to sleep if I ask you to.” Lilette laughs.

“No.” You admit.

“Alright then, I’ll just hold you till you fall asleep.” She smooches you on the cheek, “How about some TV in the meantime?”

“Uh-uh.” You disagreed, “Can you give me head scratches? Or massage my head or something. I think I’ll be able to feel asleep pretty easy like that.”

“Sure, my love.” Lilette immediately ran her hand through your hair, the motion of her fingertips relaxed you and was coaxing you to sleep after some minutes. “You wanna lay on me? Or put your head in my lap?”

You nuzzled against her chest, shaking your head, “I want cuddles.”

“Okay, baby.” Lilette agrees with a laugh, “Just relax, I got you. You’ll be okay in no time. I promise.”

“Thanks, Lil.” You smiled drowsily.

She mirrors your smile, “I love you.”

🏷️ Tag list:

@ashecampos @auliisflower @cheesysoup-arlo @frogs00 @ludoesartandstuff @pda128

💭A/N:

Didn’t feel like finishing this one but I’m no quitter so here it is after 10 days of it sitting in my drafts😗

[anxious-alastor]

Haven't I given Enough? ‖Pt. 1‖ Albert Wesker x Reader

Angst (??) AU, Nameless/genderless reader, however this is very much self indulgent (was gonna be an OC/self insert at first) Shorter than I intended but I got too excited for other fics and wanted to get this one out ^u^'

Wesker had revealed a brainwashed Jill, an already heavy situation on Chris' shoulders even before being attacked by his partner. Even fight his ass. Chris and Sheva practically got thrown around the chamber ruins. There was no use in shooting at either of them as it turned more into a waste of bullets.

"Seven minutes is all I can spare." Wesker shook his head, disappointed but motivated to do his absolute worst to Chris. This, however, only told the BSAA member that he had to survive those seven minutes.

Chris' eyes went wide as he saw another familiar figure dive in front of him. His heart was pounding.

"What the hell is this Wesker?!" He roared.

"Don't you recognize your old STARS members?" Wesker tutted, "Or is it that you were only coming here for Jill?"

Chris appeared as though he had been slapped. Sheva glanced at her partner before aiming intently at Wesker.

"We'll be taking both of them." She sounded certain, though her confidence was somewhat lacking. The mastermind picked up on it quickly, a slight chuckle leaving his usually pursed mouth.

"I'm afraid that won't be possible. However, I'm on a time limit and feeling generous, you may choose one. Choose who to reject my cure and choose who becomes a God." It was cruel, just as he had always been cruel. As he had casted aside his old team for the power he gained as an ally to the Umbrella Corporation.

"No.. No I can't choose, what kind of a sick joke is this?!" Chris snarled. His anger only made his old Captain laugh.

"It's no joke, Chris. Now Choose, lest I change my mind."

The cold eyes of the brainwashed peered piercingly at Chris. Neither showing any emotion. Could they hear him? Could they understand what was happening? He hoped not, hoped he could save one now and return for the other.

Chris looked hopelessly between the two, before sighing in defeat.

"I choose Jill."

•••

The pain in your chest had spiked . Wesker smirked at Chris as he stepped towards the two. Putting a firm hand on your shoulder while using the other to increase Jill's intake of the p30 drug. You only caught a glimpse of her as she screamed and writhed in pain before Wesker escorted you into the elevator.

"I suppose you expected more from the loyal Chris Redfield." He kept the grip on your shoulder. You thought he was upset about losing one of his experiments but there was something... different.

The moment he had spoken the words, it sunk in that you had been left, given up, and in that moment you couldn't separate the idea of what Chris said from Wesker's betrayal all those years ago.

Whatever dull pain you felt from the mind control drug was nothing compared to this. Your vision became blurry as tears welled in your eyes. Wesker seemed intrigued by the reaction, how were you able to show emotion even while under control. Just as the elevator doors opened, his hand twitched in his pocket and you could feel the sudden administration of p30 right into your chest. Like Jill you screamed, stumbling out of the elevator and hitting the rail that kept you from falling off the side of a cliff. Wesker merely followed, watching with interest as you managed to open your suit and claw at what looked like a bug on your chest.

"Resistance is futile." He laughed coolly, upping the dosage further. Yet this didn't have the effect he intended.

Another shriek racked through you, this time a name,

"CHRIS!!"

Your fingers dug under the apparatus as you saw red whilst ripping it from your body. You threw it at Wesker's feet before collapsing. He took note that it wasn't a cry of pity.

"Impressive." Wesker muttered, removing his glasses. "But I'm afraid that was for nothing. I'll simply reapply the device."

"No.. you won't.." you coughed, your hand finding the rail and using it as support as you stood up.

"And why is that?" His eyes remained fixated on you.

"You don't need a drug to get me on your side... I've always admired you, Albert, the Captain of the STARS Alpha team... Until you betrayed all of us.."

"You're beginning to sound like Chris." He remarked dryly.

"Chris doesn't understand... I saw you before Jill tackled you. Where he saw destruction I saw renewal, a cure, a god." Your words rang neatly in his ears, a perfect reflection of his own. Perhaps you were messing with him, trying to stall to escape later.

"Why should I believe you."

"Because I want Uroburos. I want to feel what it's like to be a god. Excella wants you for the money, maybe even the sex—" he raised an eyebrow but you went on, "I want the world."

A smile graced his face, twisted and ambitious as he scooped you up in his arms.

"Then you shall have it."

[juleka]

Deep End

paring: felix x gn!reader

genre: angst

words: 897

warnings: cheating (your end), toxic relationships(?), mentions of alcohol, hickey mentions, suggestive scene, ghosting, kinda manipulative

A little background, you and Felix had been dating way before his career took off. But, yours took off first. You became this famous model, which made you almost always travel. You’d travel with your modeling agent, which led to you gaining feelings for him. How were you supposed to tell Felix?

“Are you almost ready?” your agent asked you, quickly fixing his tie and collar. While you were messily cleaning up your makeup. “Almost! I thought I told you to go easy on me?! This can be a big hit or miss for the company, if I went to the shoot messily I’d doom us all!” you stated, your skin needed to be flawless, and so did your outfit, no wrinkles were visible. And the makeup on your face was natural enough to seem as if it was actually your blank face.

“Okay, well hurry up. If we’re late that effects whether we get the deal. I don’t want to lose the deal because of something as little as this.”, he said in an annoyed tone. You couldn’t believe it, he did this to you and you’re getting blamed? unbelievable!

*ping!*

Yongbok <3: Hey, where are you right now? I’m not in Korea currently maybe we can meet up?

Yongbok <3: I can see that you read my text, hello?

Yongbok <3: Whatever, I get that you’re busy sorry for bugging you.

read

You didn’t feel bad, you both were busy people. He was in a boy group now and you were a popular model. And maybe, just maybe you forgot to tell him you were in the US for a little, you’re bad. But you weren’t required to tell him everything, whatever!

You guys used to talk all the time. No matter how far you guys were, time difference, anything. It didn’t matter. You’d always pick up the phone, even when you were really tired. Now you guys don’t even hold up one conversation. You’ll just tell him later, after this shoot you’ll tell him where you are.

——————————————————————

You finally finished the shoot, you wanted to hang out with your boyfriend for a little. You loved this new man in your life, your modeling agent. But while walking around the street, you hear someone singing in a bar. This person’s voice so graceful, and filled with sorrow. “Let’s go in here! Please!!!” you begged your boyfriend.

“The way you used to touch my soul, had always kept me whole. You’d always read my texts, and ghost me like you wanted me gone!”

You only heard snippets, your boyfriend was yelling at you, “Jesus isn’t that the one guy from Straykids? Felix was it? Why do you want to see him?” he says in a disgusting tone, laced in venom. It had you frozen in place.

“Lix?” you entered hesitantly and sat on a stool. There he was, gracefully singing a song that seemed to familiar. Not that you’ve heard it, it reminded you of your relationship.

“If you hadn’t changed then I’d still be by your side. If I gave you one last chance can we go back again?”

You suddenly remembered why you loved him. What were you doing to him? Why were you hurting him? He didn’t deserve this. “Felix..”,you called out. Causing him to look in your direction, just to continue singing.

“Honestly, Without you in my life, deep inside I’ve never felt alive.”

He finished off the song, before someone up front started clapping. Who else was there. “Felix where are you going?” you hear another familiar voice, “Just over here”, Felix said.

“Hey y/n”,he says, ignoring the man behind you. “You didn’t tell me you were in the US this time.”, he said calmly, but something about the way he said it made you nervous. You took this opportunity to study his facial features.

His face was flushed red, maybe from the drinking? His freckles very obvious, you had always told him that you loved his freckles. They looked like stars on his face. His eyes were puffy, was he crying? His hair messy, what happened? Lastly, his eye bags, what was keeping him up?

“Felix? What’s happened to you?” you say in a worried tone, caressing his cheek, causing him to close his eyes. He leaned into your touch, his eyes watering. You leaned in to kiss him, and he complied. “What the fuck are you doing. I’m right here.”, you heard your embarrassing fling talk.

For Felix, Seungmin quickly says, “Hey who’s that?” in a more angry tone then you’d like. “He’s my modeling agent, I just got back from a shoot so he’s been with me.”, you state. You wouldn’t be lying, but you still felt guilty. “Then why is there a hickey on your collar bone?” you heard Jisung ask. God you were really trapped now.

“Okay fine. He really is my modeling agent, but also my boyfriend.”, you said, face palming. You looked up at Felix and he was crying. Oh no, what did you do? “I knew it..I just- Why couldn’t you tell me?” he said. Making you feel even more guilty

“I’m sorry Lix! Seriously sorry! I made a mistake! I’m sorry..”, you said, starting to cry. You were caught, but that wasn’t why you were crying. You hurt Felix, and you would never forgive yourself for that.

[amrefevr]

@crowleyisms for that meme ‘my muse is dead. tell me how yours is dealing with it.’ 

       SOUND CEASED TO EXIST , fanning out to white noise that pitched into a heightened ringing. continuous & piercingly loud within his ears. unable to focus beyond the sight before his eyes , the noise providing little distraction. only amplifying the duress that was stirring within , surging forth & taking fierce umbrage with the veil of shock that’d sought to conceal the reality from the angel’s heart. & despite its fight to shadow the truth in numbness & disbelief , it would last no longer against the rising horror & swelling grief. 

       A TIGHTNESS ENCIRCLED HIS throat , choking the inarticulate cry as it left his lips. strangling the agonised sound , distorting it’s strive to be heard & twisting towards a dismal gasp. breath hitching , the construction spanning downwards to his chest , latching onto each rib of his corporation to leash them around. reins pulled taut. 

       SPLUTTERING UPON THE NEXT exhale , his strength faltered. his legs buckled , his entire frame trembling to the point of shuddering nothing could stop his descent. lacking the coordination to do so & the will to even want to , his knees smacking the flooring with an audible crack. register the pain not , nor much else beside the thick , oddly coloured pool that lay just in the doorway. despite the indistinguishable nature of the puddle , it’s signature lay with two presences aziraphale knew intimately. that of divinity & occult , of holy water & demonic. 

       NO DEMON WOULD COME within sight of holy water had they the choice. 

       THIS IT TOOK LITTLE thought to deducing what had happened. there was only one reason there would be holy water in crowley’s flat. the memory of him gifting the thermos to the demon so many years ago lay fresh & easily recalled , every second of that day drawn up in sharp clarity from the dithering on his options to the preparations of both himself & the holy water to his arrival then the conversation thereafter. 

       HIS HEART HAD HAMMERED , beat a vicious pace against his ribs , then , as it does now. although it edges more toward fluttering without a proper beat in its want of denial to this wicked truth. his begrudged gift had done exactly as he had feared ; it’d taken the life of his long time friend. his only friend. 

       IF HE COULD EVEN call him such after so long of knowing each other. their shared history reaching all the way back to humanity’s creation. what a cruel joke that it should end just as humanity was meeting theirs. crueller still it was by his own actions that it came to pass. blame lay with neither heaven nor hell in this. 

       HE HADN’T THE REDEEMING chance to share his findings on the antichrist , nor of his realisation that heaven held no allegiance from him any longer & it had been fading towards nothing over the last six thousand years. nor had he the opportunity to apologise. 

       PERHAPS IT WAS PUNISHMENT for speaking such vile words toward one he loved had cared about all along ? he hadn’t meant them , thus compounding dagger - like words with lies compiled his sins to enact so grievous a discipline. at expense of a lovable demon. 

       HOT TEARS , STINGING FROM the backs’ of his eyes to their forefronts , flooded his vision. welling up to spill over , creating shining rivulets down each of his reddened cheeks. so great was the volume that twin streaks ran from each eye , dripping silvery tears from the bridge of his nose & off the lines of his jaw. 

       SIGHT OBSCURED & VISION BLURRED past recognition , yet the image lie seared into an unfailing memory. naught could chip it’s presence from his mind’s eye nor fade it’s edges with time. starkly at attention in the foreground whilst torturous remembrance of key moment’s raced forward. the garden’s wall , outside the ark , before a wooden cross , at tavern then restaurant with plates of oysters , wessex on a foggy morning , shakespeare’s theatre , an old church during an air raid & the bookshop thereafter , rendezvouses after hours as nanny & gardener , trailing off to this last week & finalising with just outside his bookshop. 

       HIS LAST MEMORY WOULD forever be of an intractable angel who he’d come back for but had refused once again. 

       ACCOMPANIED BY HARSH , WET sobs that racked their way up his throat & from his mouth. snatching at each unneeded inhale , reprising shallowly without only enough to fuel the next heartsick cry. bewailing & lamenting a loss that’d cut him to his core , leaving him gutted & keening at the encompassing agony of it. 

       SOMETHING INSIDE SEEMING TO to whither & convulse. whether it be heart or soul , it shattered. 

[myers-meadow]

Planetarium: Bo Sinclair x reader

Title: Planetarium

Summary: Being Vincent's partner was delightful, as long as it lasted. But things feel off with him, and Ambrose is small. Bo is there to share a cigarette with, and perhaps a little more.

Warnings: Angst and fluff. Themes of betrayal. Cigarettes, alcohol. Little about reader's appearance is mentioned. No explicit descriptions of any kind (not violence, not smut), but there are canon-typical subjects of kidnapping, killing and such. Sfw.

Word count: 3240

It started with a cigarette. I took it from the packet that Bo left on the dinner table after we finished washing up and took it outside. The sun was setting, casting a dim orange hue over the sky. By then, going outside was allowed and I was no longer watched insistently – although Bo could still get suspicious at times. Taking that cigarette and sinking down on the bench on the porch, overlooking the back garden and the woods, I fiddled with a lighter.

The door clattered when he stepped through, my heart sank when I saw it wasn’t Vincent.

“You smoke? That’s new,” Bo said and the bench creaked as he sat down next to me.

“I used to, you know,” I responded, shrugging, still messing with the lighter. Staring at me for another second, then he took the lighter from my hands, flicked it on. I breathed in and the spark caught on.

“Your nails are too long,” he said. Lit himself one too with practiced movements.

“Yeah.”

We sat in silence, watching the sun disappear behind the tree line, smoking.

He cast a glance my way, before speaking. “What’s on your mind, sugar?”

I sighed, exhaled, watched the embers. “You notice Vince’s been off lately? He won’t see me much these days.”

Bo raised his eyebrows. “But he’s crazy ‘bout you.”

“He didn’t talk to you?” I asked. He shook his head. “It feels like he’s been avoiding me. We’ve barely spoken since last week.”

“Ah. Thought he just had a lot on his plate.”

I shrugged. “Don’t we all?”

Bugs buzzed around, heavy bumblebees flew from weed to weed. The garden wasn’t particularly pretty, nor well-kept, but the blackberry bushes and the apple trees gave a good harvest each year. Vincent promised we could try strawberries next year, my favourite. Have Lester go into town for them, make him marmalade and pies in the summer as a thank-you. Lester liked sweet things. Another sigh wracked my body. The questions piled on top of each other, mixing with fears, insecurities, uncertainty. A mosquito landed on my knee, I killed it with one good slap.

“Strawberries would be good,” I mumbled. My hand stung from the impact and I rubbed the spot I hit, then flicked the dead thing into the grass. “Vince said we could try planting them before winter hits. Too bad there won’t be a next year.”

“What ya mean?”

“I mean, if he dumps me, I doubt you’ll let me stay, or live,” I stared at him, watching his surprise.

“Hey now, that’s rather drastic, ain’t it, doll? Wouldn’t want ya to worry about that.” With a good-natured grin, he bumped his shoulder into mine.

“Thanks,” I said, without feeling it, staring at the last rays of light that hit the trees.

.

Breakfast with Bo in silence, no Vincent. Everything felt heavier when he wasn’t there. When putting the plates in the sink, Bo grabbed my arm.

“Come with me to the station, keep your mind off of things.”

It was a calm day, much like those before I was allowed alone and before Vincent took interest in me. The easiest things to do back then were to busy my hands and follow instructions. This led to cleaning cars, handing them tools, sweeping the floor, stirring wax as it melted in the pot; working alongside them in silence. With time, Bo became more talkative, as did I.

His most recent project was another car, left by the tourists that passed by less than a week ago. A reasonably new one, probably borrowed from one of their parents.

Once I saw the interior of the car, it was clear why he asked me to come. It was littered with empty bottles of Aperol, candy wrappers and sour-smelling beer cans. Crumbs all over the seat and something sticky was spilled over the dashboard. Clearing it out and throwing it in the trashcan was easy. The scrubbing part wasn’t my favourite.

“You’re quiet today,” Bo remarked, from below by the wheels. He cleaned the mud off of the tires and the wheels, before moving on to change the plates. He stretched and threw the rag back into the bucked with soapy water.

I ducked my head inside the car again, plucked a red thong off the backseat. “So are you.”

He gave half a grin, before I stretched the elastic of the thong and flung it at his head. He ducked and it hit the wall behind him, falling onto the workbench.

“Naughty tourists.” Bo grabbed the thing, pinching it between two fingers, before throwing it back at me, grinning the dimples in his cheeks. I caught it and dropped it in the trash.

“The one with the curly hair was cute,” I said, “don’t think she was the type for thongs, though.”

He raised his eyebrows. “They were an interesting bunch, that’s for sure. Spoiled brats.”

“You said the same about me back then.” I shrugged, aware I shouldn’t push him with remarks that dredge up the past like that, but it seemed my brain wouldn’t stop.

It was his turn to grimace, he dried his hands and approached me. “Even so, you proved us wrong.”  

He stopped in front of me, a squeeze of the shoulder, before he trailed his fingers over my collarbone, up my neck. It was never entirely comfortable when he came close like this, always a dangerous edge, always Vincent or their stupid rivalry on the back of my mind.

“Doll, look at me.” His calloused fingers reached my chin, pushing it up.

I did, forcing my eyes to his. Bright blue, framed by dark brows and something brewing within – something dark I didn’t care to know. “Ain’t nothing gonna happen to you.”

Quickly, I nodded. Seems like Bo was less sensitive to Vincent’s moods than I was, despite knowing him for longer. Perhaps because he knew him longer. Or perhaps he knew something I didn’t know.

Bo stepped away and I could breathe again. “Get some lemonade from the cooler, will ya?”

“Sure thing, Bo,” and my voice almost sounded normal.

.

Mustering up the courage was one thing, but my knees felt week as I descended the stairs to the basement. The door was locked, as expected, as he often did when he hid his ongoing projects from prying eyes, so I knocked.

“Vincent, love, please let me in,” I tried, knocking another few times. Soft classical music spilled from the cracks, too low in volume to make out which piece it was. Immediately after I spoke, it was joined by other sounds. The echo of something wooden that creaked. I slapped my hand in front of my mouth and my back hit the wall.

It's not what you think, it’s not what you think.

.

I found Bo in the living room, silently pried the packet of cigarettes from his breast pocket and took it outside, barely hearing his protests. He followed me to the porch, taking back the packet and holding my shaking hands in his. The roughness of his callouses grounded me. Finally I could look in his eyes.

“What’s gotten you like this?” he asked, voice low. I only shook my head.

“Just- just got a lot on my mind.” Shaky breaths. The sounds from the basement- it was exactly the same as when Vince took me there, strapped me down and fucked me over the workbench. It was one of his favourite places to have me, where he felt most confident.

He gave my hand a squeeze, then planted a cigarette between my fingers, lit it for me, then his own. “That’s alright. We don’ have to talk.”

He stared straight ahead the entire time we sat there. After the cigarettes there were beers. Never once did he look at me, and I trusted him more than I ever had.

.

In the morning I went down much earlier than normal; couldn’t sleep. Vincent tiptoed around in the kitchen and the wave of relief I felt was quickly shaken off by what happened the day before.

“Hey Vince,” I greeted him, voice soft and low from sleep. “We’ve barely seen each other, I miss you.”

He turned around to see me, gave a simple wave, coffee in hand, and attempted to pass by me around the kitchen table. I grabbed his sleeve. A dangerous game.

“Also, Bo wanted to know when you’ll be done with the statues, since you said you wanted to try some different mechanics in making them move and stuff. Could be a bit of an undertaking.” I shrugged. Released his arm.

Vince signed his answer. “Could be a while still. We’ll see each other tonight, yes?”

I tried a smile, “yeah, tonight.”

Not even a hug, I thought, as he retreated down the stairs again.

.

A few days went by. I cried a little less then, but sleeping was still difficult. Bo was a rock. Having to say that ‘see you tonight’ implied that I actually expected Vincent to keep his word. Even despite knowing it in my gut, my brain already tried rationalising what I heard when I went down to the basement. Most days that week I went with Bo to help him with the car. After that one was repaired, cleaned, changed enough to make it less noticeably stolen – he took it away to sell. After that was handled, it was quiet.

The mornings were me, stewing, alone, in the chair in the living room. Bo slept in when he could, when there was less work to do, which there was, now that the car was done. The afternoons were us doing chores together, or side by side, and we ate dinner at the table.  

Then, a Tuesday, Bo came back after dinner, dusk already passed, he motioned to me.

“Wanna show ya somethin’,” he grinned, taking me by the hand, letting me grab my coat before heading out the door. He carried an old floral blanket over his arm. “It’s not too bad of a walk.”

“Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise, sweets.”

His mischievous mood was infectious and I smiled without noticing.

“Oooh, a surprise,” I said. “Let’s go then.”

The dimples in his cheeks standing out more in the last light of the sun, he gave my arm a pull to make me hurry up. “Yes, come on.”

Still jogging at a lazy pace, we reached the middle of town, the church looming ahead of us, only a silhouette as the last light disappeared. My lungs took in gulps of cold, damp night air. The Museum stood, waiting like a gaping mouth.

“The museum; that’s your surprise?” I chuckled, but he just gripped my hand tighter and pulled me to the back of the building. “And why are the street lights off?

“When Vince and I made this town into what it is today, we wanted to make sure we still had enough spots, like to get away to.” Letting go of my hand, he grabbed a metal ladder that laid discarded in the tall grass behind the museum, and righted it against the side of the building.

“The roof?” I asked, with some sense of disbelief. He tested the security of the ladder and then gestured for me to climb it.

“Ladies first,” and with that handsome smile, I’d do just about anything.

It was only natural to distrust the wax a little, but it was perfect, just as the other rooms inside the museum.

“Catch!” Bo called from down there, and messily threw the blanket at me. I barely caught it by the hem and pulled it up, already laying it out over the sandy wax roof, brushing away dead leaves to make space for it. The ladder creaked as Bo came up, and he scooted over to help spread out the blanket.

“So this is your spot?” I asked, looking around. It was nice, such a high vantage point over Ambrose. There was a case of beer and a bottle of wine to the side. Bo dragged them closer, bottle in hand.

“Something like that, yeah.” He twisted the cap from the wine bottle and held it out for me. Inside the case were two glasses. “We can start with wine, I know beer ain’t your favourite.”

“Very kind of you to remember.” I held the glasses as he poured it. “Ho, stop, that’s more than enough,” I chuckled. “You prepared this? With the blanket and all.”

He took a first sip of wine, folded his legs underneath him and pulled a sour face. “Ah, that’s disgusting. Don’t know how you and Vince drink this stuff.”

“Beer isn’t much better.”

“But to answer your question; yes, I did. Though you’d need a moment like this. Can’t really get away from it all, but this is nice, right? Come.” He pat the blanket again, set his glass down, then took mine from me to set next to his. Then he laid down flat, eyes unreadable. As I sank next to him, I saw what he meant. The stars. Hundreds of them. Some glistened brightly, others were dim, and their colours varied. Red, white, yellow, blue, orange…

Speechless, feeling deeply touched by his considerate gesture, I blinked away tears.

“Bo, I’m- this is incredible.”

“There’s little light pollution out here, if we leave all the street lights off,” he said, voice normal, but when I looked to my left, there was something unexplainable in his expression. Perhaps it was just the darkness that cast strange shadows. To avoid it, I looked back up, mesmerised.

We finished the first glass of wine – him only drinking half of it before pouring the rest into my glass – in silence, looking up at the night sky. The air cooled down, but it was just about comfortable once I buttoned up my coat. The second glass went easier, warming the blood in my cheeks. He cracked open a beer and pulled the packet of smokes from his breast pocket.

“Want one?” he said, as his already dangled from his lip. With a vague nod from me, he held one out for me, as I pressed it between my lips much the same as he did. With the flick of the lighter, his hair tickled my temple as we both leaned in to light the cigarette.

The silence returned again as we smoked slowly, letting most of it burn to ash, tapping them against Bo’s old glass as a makeshift ashtray. After that, the wine tasted different, but it was still wine.

My eyes kept returning to the same stars, only to have them dim when looking directly at them. The entirety of the sky was almost overwhelming, and having been out in the dark so long made it not resemble anything of a normal night. It was as if being awake for the first time in months. Of experiencing the world how you do when you travel, how even the simplest things feel special. Words of beauty wouldn’t describe it, beauty was irrelevant – it was an awe so deep I felt it under the skin. I sighed deeply, emptying out all the old air that resided in my lungs. Sat up to replenish the wine, then laid back down. Along with it all was a heaviness I did my best to shove away, and as I looked at the depth of the sky, it was all so far away.

Once again my eyes trailed over to the side, catching sight of Bo’s profile. Not often I got to see his face at rest. Older too, noticeably older than the early 20s college students we had out here a week or two ago. Years would flow by out here, leaving their marks on him. I opened my mouth to say something without even knowing what, and he turned his head, catching me before I could form any words. His eyes crinkled as he smiled widely. One of the arms he had folded underneath his head extended and he brushed over my temple, then trailing to my eyebrow and I let my eyes flutter close as he explored my face. The rustling of clothes as he shifted. His fingers almost tickled on my cheek as he followed the shape of it, and that of old acne scars. A waft of his scent, something like wood, warmth, and the smell of tobacco on the tips of his fingers.

“Tell me to stop,” he said, a sudden break in the silence, but it barely registered before his lips touched mine. It took a moment to kiss him back. I never thought he’d be soft like this. A dog with all bark and no bite. A nudge of his hand under my chin was enough to make me open my lips for him, to feel the scrape of his tongue against mine. He only pressed closer and closer, letting me taste him deeper, letting our teeth clash – the curve of his lips as he smiled into the kiss.

He cursed as he lifted himself up to lean over me, making sure not to lean on my hair – almost annoyed with having to break the kiss. We re-joined and something swirled inside me, stringing along into gut and liver and spleen, something that was deeply a part of me for a long time. It all jumbled together. As it got difficult to breath, panting into his mouth from the force of his kisses, the denim of his jacket scratching my collar bones, it was my lungs that the feeling invaded. After that, into the stomach, and it twisted and turned around the new nervous feeling and the abundance of wine.

Bo sighed as he pulled back for breath, eyes half-lidded, wearing a lazy smile, letting his accent drawl more than usual: “How can you feel so right?”

And I believed him. The charmer, the scheming face of Ambrose, the one who isn’t to be trusted – in that moment he was all I ever wanted.

My fingers tangled in his hair as I pulled him back down to me, biting down on his bottom lip. A calloused thumb pressed my mouth open further, giving him free reign to explore. My other hand at his hip, feeling the warmth of his skin as I pulled his shirt up, feeling the muscle that laid over his back. He nuzzled his nose against mine, opening his eyes to look at me and I did the same. How could it feel as though we have the same will? This was new, but it felt like coming home. Fingertips followed the indent of his spine, up and down to the waistband of his jeans.

“Bo, I-”

“Shh, not now,” he said softly, kissing me again. I dug my nails in, pulling him as close as I could.

“More,” I said, and he chuckled, before kissing his way to my ear.

“Only if you sleep by my side tonight,” his hot breath ticking the sensitive skin and warming me in places I shouldn’t feel so heated from such a simple action. Hand kneading a breast through layers of fabric.

“Always,” I answered, breathless. Over his shoulder there were the stars, countless and without any consideration of life on earth. Tomorrow I won’t wake with the same hope, but the feeling that crawled its way into my heart will rest easy in his arms.  

[kuromochimi]

Unlike The Rest

Atsumu x Reader

♡ Dating an oh so perfect professional athlete proved to hit your insecurities more than you thought

Content & Warnings: angst to fluff, established relationship, intimate physical contact, mentions of insecurities related to physical appearances, weight

Dating atsumu meant a lot of things. The pro athlete, brand endorser, model, miya atsumu. Good looking, well known, confident, and so perfect in your eyes, probably in the eyes of his long line of fangirls too. And for the most part, you had no problem with that. You were actually very happy too see people finally appreciate your boyfriend’s hard work through the years. Though he’s always been quite a heartthrob since high school. The limelight, fangirls, away games, they didn’t bother you at all. But from time to time, you’d brush past a few of his ex girlfriends when you were at the mall or roaming the stadium while waiting for his game to start. Most of his exes became professional athletes like him. Even back in high school, he dated quite a few women from the volleyball girls’ club. And in his years as a pro volleyball player, he never really tried to keep his dating life a secret considering that most of the people he dated were as popular as he was. He was a good five years into his career when you two started dating. And ever since, he’s been nothing but loving and genuine, though insecurities weren’t exactly something you could ever control. When sometimes his parents would slip up about his exes and how atsumu and osamu absolutely loved playing volleyball with them. Doesn’t help that they were just so… perfect for him.

During one of his off days, atsumu woke up a little earlier than you. He had to check a few emails and given that your laptop was already opened, he went to your desk to log into his email account. But when the screen lit up, the opened tabs made his eyes widen. Gym membership for gyms near you, effective weight loss routines, food to avoid to prevent weight gain, volleyball training for beginners.

Atsumu had to breathe for a while to take in what he saw. Of course, he had no issues with you wanting to go to the gym or try new diets or learn volleyball (which he was hurt by actually since if you wanted to learn then you should have just asked him, your pro volleyball player boyfriend, to teach you.) He just knew something was bugging you. Otherwise, you would have asked him given that those topics and things were ones which he loved discussing and doing. Working out, trying healthy recipes with samu, playing volleyball. He was about to shut the laptop screen but he failed to notice your already approaching form from behind.

“Tsum?” Your slightly sleepy face with cheeks tinted a small bit of pink gave atsumu the hint that you already know he had seen what tabs you had opened on your laptop. “Come here my angel” he swiveled the desk chair to face you, his arms extended to reach out to you, ready to embrace you the moment you came at his arm’s reach. He gently tugged your body to straddle him, wrapping his arms around your waist while you wrapped yours around his shoulders. With his face buried in the crevice between your neck and shoulders, he spoke. “Are you okay? Is there anything you want to talk about?” His warmth gave you comfort and finally, the confidence to spill your insecurities. “I just wanted to fit with you better, tsum. I want to at least be able to look good beside you, be able to play volleyball with you and samu”. Atsumu’s thoughts clicked and he understood where you were coming from. You felt his lips form a smile against your skin as you two remained hugging. He pulled away a little to speak. “But you already look good with me. Don’t you notice how everyone glances your way when we attend balls and parties, how guys would probably flock you had I not been in the picture. And besides, you don’t have to play volleyball to get along with samu, he already loves cooking with you. I’d say it’s the first time he has ever let someone else invade his kitchen as much as you have.” A small chuckle left his lips before he lifted himself a little to give you a chaste kiss on the lips. “Tsumu” ; “hm?” ; “Thank you. I love you” ; “ I love you too, angel”

[goggles-mcgee]

For you Wish Me Away AU, Angst hit me hard. Manon looking at her Ladybug doll and starting crying she doesn't know why but she knows that something inside is aching and there's someone missing but she just can't understand what it is.

Jagged looking at his glasses and having this feeling of loss, Luka and his necklace, Nadja and a dress she was going to wear at an event, Gina and this pink motorbike she doesn't remember why she bought, Penny and her wedding dress.

Does the memory loss works on animals ? Because Fang running to the bakery because he hasn't seen the tiny string human bug in a moment but he can't smell her anywhere (or at least until a Wayne Gala he spends the night around a blue eyed toddler like a dragon protecting the princess' tower)

Hahaha. Well funny enough I do plan on Tikki Blessing those who Marinette cherished or who was a reliable ally to her. She leaves them things that Marinette had made them or even things she planned to give to them but never got to. She felt bad that the Wish took Marinette from them too, and that they couldn't remember her so she thought it was a small mercy on her behalf. But that's not all she gives them... or well Blesses them with but I'll explain that later. She didn't really mean to do it, in fact she doesn't know she did it until later.

But since you asked about the things she left behind and the angst....😁

Manon gets all of the dolls Marinette made and her and her mom find them with a little bag that is marked with a bright 'Happy Birthday' and is addressed to her. Inside is a handmade princess dress and when she sees it, Manon immediately bursts into tears and hugs the dress to her before demanding to wear it. Nadja let's her because they find these things with several Ladybugs nearby so it's kind of obvious who they are from and it breaks Nadja’s heart because it just confirms what Sabine told her. The Marinette girl had watched her daughter for her, and it was obvious she loved her and it just made Nadja cry more for the girl who was taken from them. Manon wore the dress for a month. Nadja would have to wash it when she slept. Nadja found a dress with a little 'Congratulations on the promotion!' Note next to it and a box with a handkerchief in it that had one of the first drawings Manon had ever drawn in school for her embroidered on it with her name embroidered in the corner. She took it everywhere with her no matter the outfit, the time, the weather. She also finds that Manon doesn't like many of the sitters she now found to look after the little one.

Jagged finds a jacket and pants that match his Eiffel Tower glasses and just feels this deep sadness. He also put two and two together because of all the ladybugs and he may or may not break some things in his anger and sadness, he was important to this person he can't remember and it hurts him. He's very protective of these items and others in his wardrobe that he figures this Marinette girl must have made him. He dedicates a song to her and her as Ladybug, because even if they were the same person, it was obvious she touched people in different ways as each. Penny was there because her gifts were found at the same time, a new suit and a custom notepad that had little surprises to find everyday. Each surprise had made Penny happy yet sad, and she wished she could remember Marinette, she desperately wished. Jagged finds himself listening to his Rock Giant album on his bad days a lot and Penny has to figure out what to do with this roll of beautiful fabric her and Jagged have, it was obviously supposed to be a gift but for who?

Gina finds a little over the shoulder purse with red puffs on the bottom that makes her cry when she sees it and a repurposed tin of her favorite candys that when you open it, it has a little mirror on the inside as well as foam to hold her rings and earrings in. The mirror had 'Nonna' on it with hearts on both sides. She finds a custom pink motorcycle helmet that didn't fit her but she has an idea who it should have belonged to. Sometimes she finds herself getting excited at postcards and sending them to someone then just feeling completely and utterly lost. Roland finds custom made oven mitts and apron set that had different kinds of breads on them and on the apron was a center pocket with Grand-Père embroidered on it in cursive. It hurt. It hurt like nothing he could have dreamed of. He lost something so precious. Something he couldn't remember. He couldn't remember why he became Flashback (my version of his akuma form) but there could only be one reason he didn't remember and her name was broadcast everywhere. He finds it difficult to hum his favorite tune while baking somedays, he finds himself using a radio to fill the silence.

Luka finds a new jacket, a sketchbook of designs for his new band, and a necklace made from one of his Jagged Stone picks that he was certain he had given away but he couldn't remember to who. But the missing melody was all he needed to know, was all he needed to make the connection after the broadcast. It was like searching for the right notes on an instrument that was out of tune. His heart ached somedays when he past places he knew he had gone before but couldn't remember the memory. That Marinette girl from the broadcast must have been extraordinary if this was how it felt to forget her but have the shadow of her everywhere. He felt like he was missing a part.

The memory loss does not work on animals, which is why Fang is so desperate to follow the familiar scent at the Gala and why Jagged doesn't hesitate to follow.

Of course there are other people like the ones mentioned above but I didn't want this post to be too long XD

[slasherrabbitmadness]

Beach day with the Slashers

Female Reader -Bo- Gender-neutral -everyone else-

Bo- Fingering but no penetration. Dirty talk.

Angst and Fluff with Herbert and Dan (They pronouns used for Y/N) Fluff with Michael and Jason.

Michael Myers (1978 with the extra height of the 2018 one)

> Wants to visit the beach during the day. He’ll even have his mask off. Instead of enjoying the beautiful view of the sun hitting the blue ocean, you spend your day staring at your handsome boyfriend.

> Michael is just there to scan for new victims. He kills people who litter, hates seeing wrappers and cigarette butts littered across nature.

> You egg him on to go swimming, it takes a lot of coaxing. “Please, Michael, just for a little bit.” He points to your belongings on the towel, “They’ll be fine, who’s gonna want to steal some sandwiches and some towels?” He shook his head. You got down on your knees and gave him sad puppy dog eyes. He grumbled then lifted you onto his shoulder, you squealed as you placed your hands on his firm back, rubbing his taut muscles.

> When he got up to his pecs in the water he threw you in. You came up for air, “Mikey, what the hell!?”

> “What? You wanted in the water.” He gave a small smile.

> He made you swim in front of the beach while he just stood in the water and watched. He knew you’d be fine, it was your belongings he was worried for. You caught his eyes, his already dark blue eyes were now matching the deepest parts of the ocean. He barreled through the water, pushing you aside. You watched him as he made his way up onto the beach.

> Some fuck had the bright idea to do some stealing. He just happens to choose the one man’s belongings you don’t fuck with.

> Before that guy had time to react to a six-foot-three man, hauling ass like he is a tiger chasing after a deer, Michael clocked him so hard in the face the man immediately went down.

> People stood around Michael, some congratulating him for knocking out a thief, others gawked “My God he swung that punch so hard.” “Is the thief even breathing?” Michael stood over your belongings, and turned back towards you, just making your way out of the ocean. Michael was mad, but not as mad at what he saw next.

> Some random beach Chad made his way over to you, “Yo, that was wild huh?” You gave a quick, “Ya.” not caring to speak to him, just wanted to get back to your boyfriend. “He just knocked that guy out in one punch.” You made your way up the beach, he grabbed at you “Hey, be careful, probably want to stay aw-”

>The poor sap never stood a chance, Michael swung his fist so hard Chad went flying back into the water.

> “I’ve had enough, we're leaving.”

> You were gonna protest, but when you scanned the crowd, you realized that yeah, we’re gonna go home.

> Walking back home, Michael held your hand, tightly. “Mikey?” He grunts, “You don’t like people touching your belongings, huh?” You turned to look up at him and he caught you in a kiss. He snuck his tongue in, dominating yours, you moaned and he pulled away. You whined and he smiled.

> “what’s mine is mine.”

Jason Voorhees

> He’s the beach’s lifeguard, so if you wanna spend a beach day with Jason, you’ll have to do it after hours. You would, but Jason takes the evening shifts too.

> Everybody loved Jason. Kids loved him, he was always so nice to them after all. He gave them swimming lessons. He was always so patient with them, never getting mad if a kid was struggling to grasp the basics.

> Men and Women loved Jason. His stoic demeanor, his calming presence...his bulging muscles. Jason was oblivious to all kinds of flirting. “Your hands are like, so big!” said a bubbly tanned beach bunny. Jason just grunts. A muscle-bound beach bro asked, “Bet you lift a lot eh, what’s your macros?” Jason just looked at his large bicep, he shrugged.

> When you visit him at work he gives you small waves then his eyes go right back to the water, not wanting to miss anything. Dedicated <3

> He doesn’t take a proper lunch break, he’ll eat his food while watching the beach, scarfing down the food as fast as possible.

> After a long day, you’ll finally have Jason all to yourself.

> Night swimming!

> You and Jason have splash fights, that he often wins, his large palms create huge splashes that knock you back into the water.

> Keeps you incredibly close in the water, will bug you to wear a life jacket if you ever swam without him. He’s very protective.

> Holds you close to him the further out you go. He won’t let you go, so it’s the perfect time to smother him in kisses.

> Jason hums into your kisses, his large hands running up and down your back, the water and his hands feel perfect on your skin.

> Jason couldn’t be happier that you're together.

Herbert West + Dan Cain - Poly relationship or what Derrick Barry calls a ‘throuple’

> “Please Herbert, for me?” He grimaced at you. Don’t you know how busy he is? Perfect specimens don’t just end up dead you know? Someones gotta end a life! You sighed and brought out the big gun. “Well, Dan said-” The moment Dan left your lips, Herbert was pushing you and him out the door.

> You and Dan had a blast, building castles, collecting seashells, playing some beach volleyball with another friendly couple.

> Herbert sulked under the beach umbrella, nose in a large medical textbook.

> “If you come with us, Herbert, we’ll get you a grape freezie!” Dan coaxed but it did not affect Herbert. Herbert waved you both off as if you were two mosquitoes bugging him.

> You and Dan walked hand in hand, swinging them in between yourself on your way to the little concession stand. “You sure it was for the best we brought him, Dan?” Dan looked at you and frowned, your eyes were a little glossy. “He only came because you were coming.” You felt the tears rolling down your cheek.

> “fuck, Herbert, you little monster.” Dan cursed to under his breath. Dan knew Herbert gravitated more towards him. It’s not that Herbert didn’t like you, just Dan was there first. Dan never told you but he often caught Herbert staring at you, a softness in his eyes that Dan knew meant one thing…

> “I’m sorry…” You mumbled, quickly rubbing the back of your hand over your eyes. Dan shushed you and brought you in for a hug, kissing the top of your head.

> “Don’t be, Herbert should be. Some Vitamin D is much needed for his pale little body. I’ll talk to him, okay? In the meantime, focus on me!”

> Dan and you continued with the most fun day ever. You ate your freezies, swapping flavors halfway through. A little boy asked Dan to help with flying his kite, Dan’s height coming in handy.

> Herbert stewed in his spot under the umbrella, watching you and Dan have fun, “Hmph, wasting time.” He kept peeking from his book, eyes on you, how you smiled when you looked into Dan’s eyes, how you leaned in closer, head resting on his shoulder. How Dan wrapped his arm around your waist, lips on your ear whispering...God knows what, Herbert can only imagine.

> “They could just yank me away from this, make me spend time with them...not that I want to. But if they dragged me away from my book then I’d have no choice.”

> When it got late, You and Dan packed away everything into the bags, Herbert supervised. How helpful/s

> Dan had you drop a few of the smaller items at the car on your own, he made Herbert help with some of the heavier items. As your figure became smaller and smaller in the distance, Dan turned to Herbert, “You know, they wer-”

> “I can’t believe you two, frolicking about so openly.” Herbert had cut Dan off. Herbert fumbled with the bags while trying to push up his glasses. Dan fumed.

> “You mean act like a couple, which we are, which you're a part of. Or are you only a couple with me?”

> Herbert snapped “excuse me, you and Y/N are most certainly a couple, which I have no part of.”

> Dan scoffed and shook his head “They want to be with you too, Herbert, They do like you, They feel upset with how you treat them. Now I know deep down you adore them, you best start showing it.”

> Herbert stopped, he looked at Dan and then at you in the distance starting the car.

> Later that night, Herbert had asked if you’d help in the basement. As tired as you were, you went to help. Herbert scarcely looked at you, but he found ways to touch you. Hands ghosting over yours as you handed him some flasks. Grabbing your hips softly to move you out of the way.

> “Everything good, Herbert?” You asked. His eyes looked everywhere but you. He stepped a little closer to you, His face only a foot away.

> He smashed his lips onto yours and wrapped you up in his arms. His hands rubbing along your sides, pulling you in so tight you were surprised he was strong enough to bring pain that way.

> “Don’t cry over me. Okay?” Your face felt hot, you nodded. “You are mine too, not just Dan’s, okay?” You nodded again. “Good. Now kiss me.”

> The kiss started tender but that just wasn’t gonna cut it with all the tension between you two.

Bo Sinclair /Female reader/

> Lookin’ at all the pretty girls go by.

> Catches you catching him staring, flashes his baby blues at you, “C’mon darling, you know you're still the apple of mah eye.”

> Gets pissed when other guys check you out. Strolls on over and wraps an arm around you, sneering at the Chads and Kyles.

> “You just had to wear that sexy little number, didn’t ya?” He snarled in your face. You grabbed your tits in the cute red bikini and gave them a Lil shake.

> Bo yanked you away from the beach, you protested, hitting his large forearm, “Bo, what the hell? Oh come on, you act like a leech an-” He cut you off, his lips slammed onto yours, the kiss was teeth and a little tongue action.

> Bo had yanked you away to some run-down looking bathrooms, the paint was so old it looked like the original coat from the 1960s

> “Now, Darlin, looks like you’ve just been wanting to rial me up now, huh? Wanting those sons of bitches to fuck you?” He leaned in close to your ear, his heavy breathing making you shake with anticipation. He suckled on it, causing you to buckle at the knees.

> “Bo, no I didn’t wan-want ah, the- them to” You were panting as he made small circles on your clit over your bikini bottoms. His fingers were calloused but he could be surprisingly gentle.

> “Now, yah best be quiet so no one hears ya, understood, Doll?” You whimpered and Bo flashed you his pearly whites. “That’s a good girl.”

> You should make him jealous more often.

[iwas-baby]

"summer's end"

iwaizumi x fem!reader

tw/cw: smut (nsfw minors dni), vanilla sex, oral (f! receiving)light angst, unprotected sex, happy ending (ish) not proof read! afab read!

@heatwave2021 heatwave fic exchange submission for @gingersnaaps <3 hope you enjoy lin!

slowly, the hot, humid months became mushed together, nearing their ends. the bugs sounded off in the distance, as the full moon over looked city.

wrapping your arms around yourself as you lip quivering, your feet were moving you on their own, as if you were floating over the ground and letting the wind whisk you away. because truth be told, you always found yourself going back to him.

it was as if some magnetic force kept the two of you together. opposites attract, they say, and you wondered if you and iwaizumi were more then temporary.

ringing his doorbell, he answered quickly, white tank top sticking against his muscles, while he wore a pair of loose athletic shorts, his face contorting into surprise once his eyes landed on yours.

"hi," you said, voice cracking, praying to any love god willing to listen that he'd let you in.

"hey." cautiously, he stepped to the side, "it's late, what were you doing walking alone?"

"i wanted to see you." to which he frowned softly, about to interject until you changed your phrasing, "i needed to see you."

"y/n..." there was a heavy silence that followed, and you could feel the tension that lingered in the air. standing closer to him, you eased your hands on his chest, feeling your eye lids getting droopy.

without thinking it through, you kissed him. his lips dry, slightly cracked though he pushed back against you gently but sill full of hunger. his hands smoothed over the exposed skin on your neck, filling your stomach with butterflies.

"hajime," you whispered against his lips, eyes still closed. this was something you figured was too good to let go, wanting nothing more but to hold onto it forever.

he didn't say anything, he didn't have to, grabbing your hips, pulling you towards the only dimly lit room on the first floor. bringing you onto his lap as he sat against the couch, continuing to press his kisses against you.

"i need you," you repeated, "so badly, hajime, please?" his eyes told you a lot of things, like how he knew he should've said no, maybe brought you something to eat and let you sleep over instead of going through with him, after all, you were supposed to drift apart now that the summer was over. but the beating of his heart seemed to silence the voice in his head.

"of course," his hands began their journey over your body, finding every curve and digging underneath your clothing, slowly starting to peel it off of you.

he stopped for a minute, when you were in nothing but your bra and panties, taking in everything about you. the one window in the room let the moonlight hit against your skin, giving you a celestial glow, his mouth slightly parted, he couldn't find the words to tell you how he felt. was this really something he wanted to give up?

iwaizumi lifted you off him, guiding your back down against the cushions, lifting your legs up and bringing your plush thighs around his head.

he left a slow, savory kiss against your clothed pussy, letting his fingers feel against the frilly lace while closing his eyes and groaning. his tongue just couldn't stop though, already drunk on your taste, kitten licking against your panties, circling your clit.

yet, with every sound left your slightly parted lips, he only grew needier, to actually dive in and indulge on your cunt. tugging the under garment to the side. iwaizumi thought he was in heaven, staring at your glistening entrance, so perfect, so wet and all for him.

the first stroke of his tongue was divine, making you twitch at first contact. he found your clit soon after that, being able to read your body like a map of a city be'd been a thousand times.

your groans were all the encouragement he needed; fingers dancing around your pussy, teasing both your cunt and your asshole.

the warmth iwaizumi felt with both your heated slit and your inner thighs around his head nearly made him light headed. still, he held onto you until he felt you coming undone all over his mouth.

he smirked against your sex, proud that he could make you cum so quickly.

iwaizumi lifted his head up, pushing against you and your lips, holding your jaw in place as he continued to praise you, "god you look so fucking hot when i make you cum, y'know that doll?"

you couldn't say anything, too embarrassed by his words and besides, there were bigger things to worry about: hajime's hard on.

the man brought his fingers against you, holding onto you as your body jerked at just the slightest touches, iwaizumi always did gush at how sensitive you were.

he didn't need to prep you anymore, pulling his hand away rubbing the slick between his digits.

you squirmed, trying to get even closer to him, watching as he pushed down his athletic shorts and boxer just low enough that both his pulsing cock and heavy balls out slide out.

iwaizumi stayed frozen for a second, staring down at the section where the two of you were to connect, blanking. you quirked your eyebrow up, about to ask him what was wrong until he answered your thoughts.

"i don't have a condom." his eyebrows frowned together, his muscles flexing as he held himself over you. you only placed your fingers on his chin, gently lifting his face.

"i don't care," you gulped, growing more and more needy, "i just need you inside of me—all of you."

just like that, he felt as if he was on cloud nine, parting your pussy lips open with the fat tip of his dick, chuckling while yo whined, taking all his inches with one quick and steady thrust.

every moment he took felt like it was in slow motion, your nails drawing scratch marks against his strong back, hiding your face in his neck. you wanted to anchor yourself to him, desperate to hold onto what was left of that summer.

"i love you," you said in his ear, loud enough for him to hear it.

"fuck." he twitched inside of you, "fuck, i love you too."

he felt how you clenched around him, the wet sounds only amplifying. iwaizumi knew he was close to cumming, too, and held onto you tighter.

“please haji,” you hiccuped as iwaizumi felt his heart swell, your voice filled with tenderness. he could only watch as you tear stained faces stared back at him.

moving his hand to run against your cheekbone, swiping away your tears, iwaizumi nodded. he kept his face straight for as long as he could. until finally, his head threw back, his eyes shut. his hot cum filled you up, the warmth heating you up, making you flush with a lustful fever.

iwaizumi stayed like that for a minute, hearing the sound of your heavy breaths joining together and forming the same rhythm.

carefully, he removed himself off you, somewhat unable to look into your eyes. with you fully nude and him in nothing but his shorts, there was another dreadful quiet.

you were never uncomfortable with nudity, especially with iwaizumi. in most situations, you'd shy away from one of the many men that kept you company that night, embarrassed, but you felt fine in your own skin. which, undoubtedly, was a comforting feeling. creeping towards him as he sat back on the couch. slowly enough for you not to startle him as you laid your head against his chest.

there was so much to talk about, you figured, but you didn't want to spoil this last night on earth (or at least that's what it felt like).

"hajime," you sighed, and with the sound of your voice the man was brought back into reality, bringing you into his arms and closer to his chest.

iwaizumi hummed.

"i wanna say something, it might be cheesy." his dry and soft laugh rumbled through his chest and vibrated against your ear. that was his invitation to keep going.

"i think we're meant to be." he felt your smile on his skin, "the stars even told me so."

"well, the stars don't talk." he played along, the quick and playful banter was another reason you reckoned that you loved him.

"maybe you're just not listening well enough." with that, you sat up right, locking eyes with your lover.

his hands were still firmly resting on your waist, each of you waiting for the other to break the silence. you felt yourself chewing on the inside of your mouth, watching the familiar features of his face and you knew he was thinking deeply.

"i don't think we're supposed to end things here," he said, reassuring you greatly. leaning forward, you gave him a peck on the cheek.

"i don't want to end things here."

iwaizumi steadily took your face in his hands, cautiously making you look down giving him the window to press a kiss against your forehead, following with shower of kissing along your eyelids, your nose and finally your lips against.

"good," he grunted, content.

(reblogs help!)

[godwrecks]

𝗦𝘁𝗼𝗻𝗲𝗿 𝗦𝘂𝗻𝗮

𝗣𝘁. 𝟮 - 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗪𝗮𝗻𝘁

word count: 4.1k

tags; college au. angst. confession. fwb. drugs. fluff if you squint.

The first thing you registered was the light buzzing - no, vibrating of Suna’s phone. Much too dazed by your sleep, you didn’t wonder who was blowing up his messages this late at night. Raising up the sheets to shield your naked body from the cold, you tried to get some sleep, but Suna’s incessant tossing kept you from doing so.

You finally turned to him, eyes squinting at his illuminated face. “Why the fuck is your screen so bright?” You groaned and nuzzled into his chest, wrapping an arm around his bare torso. He merely chuckled, quickly putting away the phone.

“Why so cranky, you just woke up,” despite speaking in hushed sentences, his voice still dripped with mocking. Suna placed his hand on your hip, and though it remained in its station for a few seconds, he soon started trailing his fingers along your waistline.

“Can you even call it waking up? I didn’t sleep at all,” he cocked his head at that, bringing you in closer to him. “I guess I’m at fault for that.”

You smiled quietly, clearing your head as much as possible to get a wink of sleep, though you knew he’d be up and going soon. It had been a few weeks since the...incident, if that’s what you could call it. Nothing changed, really, for better or for worse. Sometimes he was more careful around you, but your relationship was only good for sex. That’s what you had to remind yourself, right? But everything remaining the same was what bugged you. You knew better than to demand more because this was never meant to go past fuck buddies. And while he started coming to you slightly less high, sometimes even seemingly sober, you knew better than to get your hopes up.

With your head like this on his chest, you could hear his heartbeat. Steady. Steady, while yours seemed to always mess up and skip around him. And yet with the slow rhythm of his heart, of his breathing, you surrendered to sleep.

When you woke up again, the sunlight was already rudely peeping past your curtains, and the other side of the bed was empty. Still adjusting to the light, you looked around the room slowly, filled with a strange relief when you found Suna dressing up.

“Practice?” You rubbed your eyes carefully, putting on a hoodie and wobbling when you stood up to reach him. He smiled arrogantly as he ran a hand through his hair, proud of the mess he made of you.

“Yeah. I gotta stop to get something on the way, so I’m heading out now.” His voice was still raspy from sleeping, some of his locks awkwardly falling over his eyes.

Though you wanted to smile at the sight, you knew he was talking about his plug and picking up shit from him. It wasn’t that you judged him for smoking - if that had been your preference, you would’ve known better than to get involved. You and Suna started out as friends, and you had been good friends for a long time at that. Some of the boys on the team always smoked together, and you almost always happened to be there with a few other girls, sometimes even taking a hit you’d be offered. Some of those girls were flings you’d never see again, others were girlfriends. But you were just a friend at the time, not thinking much of the tall and laid-back middle blocker.

“Will you be there tonight? For the party, I mean,” he spoke casually, sitting down on sheets that now smelled like him. “I’m not too sure. I have an assignment due, and I have to be up early tomorrow,” he nodded from his place, tying his boots. You hadn’t been going to many parties lately. The semester nearly ending meant your workload was accumulating, which also meant seeing Suna less. It was at parties and gatherings that you really got to see him, anyway - he was always busy with volleyball and zooted out of his mind most nights he was free. Your thoughts were abruptly cut when you felt his lips press against your forehead, finding an apologetic smile when you looked up.

“You’re starting to bore me,” he joked, but it still made your smile falter. You wanted to give yourself a good slap; since when had you become such a crybaby?

“I’m gonna go now, don’t miss me too much,” Suna stood in the door, offering a charming wink.

“Bye, loser,” you smiled back before shutting the door right in his face.

You had tuned into your laptop to absorb every piece of information from the lecture, or at least try to, as you sat in the library. A quick glance at the clock told you it was nearly midnight. Surprisingly, the library was open all night for students to study - go figure, maybe they guessed most procrastinate until the night thereof. You were taking a few sips from your drink when your phone lit up for an incoming call.

“Rin?” You spoke quietly, not bothering to decipher what the background noise was on his end.

“Baby! You picked up,” his voice was lighter than usual, a mixture of sweetness and relaxation. Suna was the type to become touchy when he was intoxicated, whether by alcohol or drugs. His hands wandered everywhere and he became extremely affectionate, even cuddly, though it was mostly him grabbing your ass. You had only ever seen it for yourself; it was what he did when you were around, and you didn’t have the heart to ask what he did, or who he did it with, when you were absent.

“What’s up?” You let out a sigh as you leaned back in your chair, fingers toying with the straw of your cup.

“I wanna see you,” he spoke and you guessed he had walked out of whatever room he was in.

“I’m studying right now. I told you, remember?”

“Mm, yeah, yeah, you did,” Suna grumbled before a sharp noise echoed through the line, followed by a curse.

“You okay?”

“Yeah, just knocked some shit over. Anyways, come on, just take a break.” You took in a sharp breath, wanting to knock your head against the wall. You knew when to say no, but when it came to him that never meant it was easy.

“I really can’t, Rin. If you just want a girl all over you, call someone else,” you flinched at your own tone, stupefied by the coldness of it.

Whilst you were pondering the source of your sudden anger, Suna was chuckling, probably shaking his head. “Hey, hey, where’s that coming from?”

“Well, I’m just giving you a disclaimer. I’d love to be there, but my grade for this class is desperately crying for help,” you laughed, hoping to cover up whatever that had been.

“So what? I just call someone else?”

“If that’s what you want right now,” you frowned, a detestable panic rushing through you. It was so stupid to even suggest so in the first place, what were you hoping to accomplish? Maybe you just wanted to check for yourself what happened when you weren’t there to satisfy him.

“Unfair, much?” He sighed, and you wished you were facing him right now, if only to catch a glimpse of what goes through his mind.

“How?” You ventured with a gulp, heart pounding against its cage.

“You’re the only girl who doesn’t sober me up,” your stomach twisted onto itself at the smirk on his voice. You felt sick yet couldn’t point down the reason why - there were several. You being foolish enough to even think of this fact as a confession, him only calling you because he just wanted his high to last. Was he using you? The thought raced through your mind, along with a few scenes of you laying next to him.

“Hey,” he blurted out seriously. Between you only remained the loudest silence you had heard.

“Hey,” you were utterly breathless, struggling for air as your lungs closed up and rebelled against your will. You wondered if this was truly so shocking. While you were in the back of his hair, this fear was always forced to the back of your mind. You had knowingly mistaken every moment for more than it was.

“Are you o-”

“I need to go, actually. I’m still at the library, so I should head home. Have fun, yeah?”

Before he could even reply, you ended the call, gripping your phone so tightly that your knuckles went white.

The ride to your apartment was loathsome, to say the least. Not even the loud music could keep you away from your thoughts long enough. You turned the engine off and made your way to the elevator. In the process of searching through your backpack, your phone almost slipped from your hands when you jumped in surprise, startled at the arm sticking through the closing doors.

Your heart dropped when they opened up to reveal a panting Suna staring right through you.

“Rin, what are you doing here?” You stammered when he pressed the button to your floor, nearing your figure.

“I came here to see you,” he was still slightly out of breath, eyes scanning you as if they were searching for something. Had he run for so long?

You took a look at your handwatch and cringed. It was late, but not late enough for him to come knock at your door.

“Thought you’d be busy until later,” you replied dryly, crossing your arms in front of your chest.

“Yeah, well, change of plans.” His sleazy eyes never left you, and you regretted not taking the stairs.

“I’m sorry I made you come all the way here, but you should go-” You stared at the hand wrapped around your wrist that pulled you closer until you stumbled forward.

“Don’t do that.”

You chuckled viciously, a sound that bruised him. “Sorry I’m not really in the mood to have sex right now.”

“You know that’s not what I’m here for.” Suna started to be visibly frustrated, or at least you thought so by the strength with which he was gripping the pole behind you.

“Then why are you here? That’s all we’ve ever done, Suna,” the name rolled off your tongue awkwardly, and as distasteful as it was for you, his flinch made it clear that he disliked it even more. The elevator doors opened and you walked out, straight to your apartment with the hopes that he’d stay behind.

“Oh, so now we’re back to the last-name basis?” You felt him right behind you, his heavy breathing audible.

“I’m sorry, okay?” You half-assed the apology as you struggled with your keys, the slight shake in your hands slowing you down.

After stepping inside, you turned just in time to see his shake head.

“Why are you being like this all of a sudden?”

Your eyes rolled back at his indifference. How could he be so dense? Was he feigning innocence like this was a game to the both of you? It may have been for him, but not for you.

“I don’t know!” A step towards him and you were already too close. You felt claustrophobic from the way he hovered above you. “Maybe because I feel fucking stupid? I know there’s nothing between us, I’m well aware,” the laugh that formed in your throat was bitter, yet it didn’t compare to the tightening of your chest. “But this just isn’t what I want anymore.”

Suna looked at you as if you had gone insane, unaware of the slight craze in his amber eyes. “What do you want?” He grabbed onto the door, stepping forward until he had cleared his way inside.

“Not this, not whatever you want out of me.”

The grin on his face, unlike his usual striking ones, branded an emotion he had never worn before. “Which is?”

“Making you cum while you’re high, apparently,” you sneered back, tearing his hand away from the door.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding,” Suna gritted through his teeth, slamming the door shut. You groaned, debating how hard you would have to smack his head with your backpack to give him a concussion.

“Oh, am I? You said so yourself.”

“You’re twisting my words,” he pointed his finger at you accusingly, fuming with every breath.

“How so?” This time you didn’t back off. Instead, you hit his chest, resisting the urge to claw at it so he’d at least keep a distance. “If you care to explain, go right ahead!”

“I never said that’s all I want,” his fingers pinched the bridge of his nose in an effort to keep calm, which was turning out difficult for the both of you.

“Right, because only seeing you after you've smoked wasn’t enough of a message. I don’t even see you throughout the day!”

“How is that only my fault? You never told me you wanted something else, and you were as happy to fuck as I was whenever I knocked on your door.” You could only scoff at his words, amazed he could even dare to try and blame you.

“You know damn well this isn’t on me. I'm not the unavailable one, I'm not the one that's always gone until it's convenient. I'm not the one who barges in and acts like they own me, or did you forget about that already?” You had begun to scream out without realizing, but the rage you felt burning through the cracks of your heart was urging to be released.

Suna stood there quietly, staring at you with distant eyes, like he was too busy making sense of his own thoughts to even mind yours. When the clock ticked away and he had still not spoken a word, you inhaled, bracing yourself.

“Listen, this was nice. And I’d like to stay as a friend, so let’s just leave it at this. If you had plainly admitted that all you ever wanted was sex, I would’be been slightly better now.” The words were calculated and detached as you held onto the sleeves of your cardigan.

“You’re not fucking getting it, it’s not just the sex that I want,” Suna finally mumbled, but your hand was already placed on the knob.

“Well it's all you ever cared to ask for.” You opened the door and stepped away, unable to look anywhere but at the floor.

“When I said I didn't wanna leave you, I didn't mean- I meant…” each word was a separate struggle, and you lacked the strength to bear it any longer.

“What did you mean, Rintaro?” You only offered a tired smile as he stood there once again like a fish out of water. A silent challenge he never took on.

It only took you a few seconds to decide to push him from behind towards the door. You were angry, and heartbroken, and definitely not okay, but something like this was not worth losing him over. Despite everything, he had been a great friend before.

“Have a good night,” and with that, you spelled away the image of the tall brunette you came to adore.

You were still dripping from your long shower, the robe you wore doing little to collect the water before it hit the floor. It was early afternoon, not even 24 hours after the fight, yet it felt like an eternity had passed. You hadn’t heard from Suna at all, and a part of you wondered if you would soon or if he would disappear for a while. Shaking the thoughts away, you walked over to the kitchen to grab a drink when the doorbell rang. You frowned, scrambling your brain for anything your friends had said about coming over, but you were sure none had the plans to visit. The moment you opened the door, the scent of musk and ginger washed over you.

“Please don’t shut the door on me, you seem to have taken a liking to it,” he blabbered out as soon as your eyes met. You hesitated, shifting your weight on your feet.

“What are you doing here?”

“Give me a chance?” You frowned, scanning his face for ulterior motives but all you found was honesty. Despite it, your stomach sank at the sight. Though you didn’t know if you had wanted to see him or not, you wouldn’t have imagined it would be this hard.

“Rin, really, what are you-” You couldn’t finish your sentence, too bewildered to properly speak. Another glance at his face told you he was sober - he even looked more put together than he usually did, though it looked like his volleyball uniform was under his outerwear.

“For someone who was so upset, you should at least give me the opportunity,” he joked tediously, ignoring the dense air that had formed between you two.

His smile was rueful, and genuine from what you could see. “Just...let me do this properly. Dress up and let’s go to my game,” he announced, hints of timidity teetering his voice.

You simply gazed at him, lips forming a thin line. “What are you doing? Just- what are you planning?”

“Nothing!” He swallowed down, raising up the hand that was holding two bags. You raised an eyebrow at it, unamused. “Here, I got you something.”

Receiving it from his cold hands, you looked carefully into it before digging through it. “You’re joking,” you hissed, dangling the pink lingerie in front of his face.

He was smug, toying with you for his pleasure as always. You would have too if you had not been in this situation.

“It was a joke. That’s not...really what,” he quickly delved into the other bag, holding out a small, black box. You surveyed it before cocking your head, taking it from him and opening it. The necklace inside was pretty - beautiful, actually. But you didn’t want his money, you wanted him, which was likely a harder request. “It’s not gifts that I want, Rin,” you sighed, now painfully aware that he would never be something you could predict.

“I know that, angel. But I never treated you, or did something nice for you, and most guys do with, you know,” he trailed off, eyes darting away from your face.

“My problem is you only calling me when you’re high. That issue won’t be solved with gifts,” you massaged your temple, slowly becoming a mess as you tried to put the pieces together and figure out what he was doing.

“I’m not a damn addict, princess. It’s not all I fucking care about,” Suna swore as he leaned against the door frame.

“I know that! I never said you were, but you can’t just go from only giving me that to acting as if you actually want us to be something more. So tell me, how am I supposed to feel?” Though your voice nearly broke, you held onto the door - determined to at least stand your ground. You had been clear with him. You had specified you couldn’t do this anymore, so the least he could do is respect that.

His eyes narrowed for a moment, glimmering ever so briefly that you wondered if the change had been a figment of your imagination. “Listen— I've never,” his chest trembled with a breath before he continued. “I've never been in love with someone, alright? I don’t know how it fucking feels, and that was the last thing I planned on doing. And don’t get me wrong, I was hooked on you from the very beginning. But then suddenly you're the only person I’m attracted to,” Suna’s voice was uncharacteristically weak, threatening to crack at any moment. “And believe me it wasn’t for lack of trying, because while my dick was inside someone else, all I could think about was how badly I wanted to see you. And I didn’t- I don’t know how to process that, all that you fucking make me feel. I don’t even know if I want to process it at all, if I’m being sincere.” His lips lifted into a pained smile that didn’t reach his tormented eyes. “But when you ended that call, you sounded so hurt I panicked. And I don't have a plan, and I'm rambling, and this is probably the most I’ve ever said at once, but if I know something, it’s that I can't let it end here,” his throat bobbed but his steps to you were resolute. You almost turned away when his hands cupped your cheek, spanning the skin delicately.

You couldn’t find your voice for all it was worth. It was hard to tell whether your brain was working faster than your heart.

“You say that, but,” you jerked when you felt a tear trickling down your cheek. Suna’s fingers stuttered undecidedly, but his thumb wiped away the salty trail. “Assuming you truly felt that way, you never acted on it. Actually, you acted very differently,” you hiccuped, biting the inside of your cheek in shame.

“You want me to be honest with you? I feel like such a mess around you, like I might explode. It’s easier to deal with that in certain situations. Hence me restricting our time with each other to me being high,” Suna murmured, shrugging a shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I was scared all the good I’d ever do for you is a nice fuck. What if that’s all I get until I mess up? You’ve got it so together and I’m here, not even able to talk about my stupid feelings.”

You gaped at his pale face: the beautiful carving of his features, the slight quavering of his bottom lip, the long eyelashes framing half-mast eyes.

“You mean that?”

He laughed at your simple question, likely expecting more after everything he had let out. You wanted to give him more, but you were unable to, still trapped in your fear that it would all be fake.

“I do. And I’m sure it can’t just be me who feels like this.” With a look at you, he pinched your cheek gently, looking for an answer.

“It’s not just you. Obviously,” you grumbled disapprovingly. It was pretty obvious to you, but he still smiled sweetly, the frenzy in his face slowly fading.

“I’ll probably miserably fail, but I at least wanna try. I wanna do this — with you. So please let me. And if it’s not enough for you even after that, then I won’t waste your time anymore. But give me the chance.” His hands lowered to your jaw and neck while he spoke the words, forcing you into a retreat.

“Rin, do you even know how relationships work?” You scoffed, quirking your eyebrows at the boy.

“Yes. No. In theory?” You couldn’t help but laugh at his response. He really was awfully cute sometimes.

You eyed his waist, reluctantly deciding to wrap your arms around it with a heavy sigh. “I’ll probably regret this and get my heart broken.”

“Hopefully it’s not your heart that gets broken,” Rin quickly added, looking down at your body with a sneaky grin. You glared at him, hiding away the smile on your lips.

“You know we have to like- go on dates. During the day and all?”

He nodded like this was a work interview and he was expecting the question.

“Okay, so get ready. Let’s go to my game,” he signaled over to your room given your bathrobe, but you could only stare at him cautiously.

“I mean it. Come cheer for me,” Rin leaned down to you with the whisper, reaching your eye level. You nodded, rushing to get dressed once he planted a kiss on your cheek.

“You know,” he started off casually, grabbing your hand. “I might’ve cried if you hadn’t come back with me.”

“Oh, really?” You smirked at him, curiosity filling you.

Swiftly noticing your mood shift, he explained. “Well I talked to some friends...for advice, or whatever. So if I had showed back alone, those two jerks would’ve never let me hear the end of it.”

He squeezed your hand as laughter soared through you, your free hand traveling to your abdomen when it began hurting. “Seriously?” You added when you managed to control the laughter, gaining a glare from Suna.

“Seriously.”

When your eyes had returned to the road ahead of you, he lifted your intertwined hands to his mouth, kissing the back of your palm.

“I’ll do this, so just don’t complain anymore okay?”

This was so long??? If you actually read all of it, THANK YOU LMAO. also sorry for the weird spaces sometimes, i like writing in docs so i don’t lose anything aha so it b weird sometimes idky. okay yeah thank you !!

art credit: damnzucoyy on tiktok