#( i'm trying not to go to bed too early )

[icewindandboringhorror]

Apparently I can meet my goal of roughly 400,000 words in 6 months if I just somehow write at least 2,200 words a day ghbjh... Almost 2,500 today... huzzah...

[quietlyblooms]

i'm gonna take a lil break, but it's possible i might have to log off early bc i'm starting to just feel icky all around. pretty sure the lack of sleep is catching up to me once again, and i really need to be well-rested since i'm gonna help my friend finish painting her house tomorrow. but i promise if i don't message you tonight, i haven't forgotten! i just need a lil more time, and i appreciate your patience <3

[aefensteorrra]

I do not have even an ounce of the social energy required for tomorrow... it's going to be so much

[seaofreverie]

I will make any sort of sacrifice for art

[altruistic-meme]

my poor rice :(

[catboyolli]

yay

[computercuter]

I think I would like to watch some sort of disassembly video of my partner but I also fear I would literally get too horny to function over it

[blujayonthewing]

oouuughhhh I have to go to the dentist aaauuughhh

[byanyan]

...when the soju hits harder than you expect so you start writing off on unnecessary tangents :/

[dlnqnt]

on the first day of september i encountered a ghost in my home is this an omen

[brown-little-robin]

It's 12:03 on the 2nd day of spring break I've spent the morning talking to friends and going on unhinged reblogging sprees (you'll see 'em later they all went straight to drafts) while rotating my blorbos in my mind at incredible speeds. we are off to an AMAZING start to break!!

[calenhads]

fighting for my life to do this assignment for my creative writing class. i'm writing about sabina obviously but for the sake of keeping it to 2k words or less i'm sticking strictly to her fight to the death with nicodemus. and i got really excited thinking about the intricacies of aretian religion but now i actually have to write instead of just outlining/worldbuilding and i hate it here. i hate writing i hate words i want to keep everything inside my head forever and ever.

[fvrsaeken]

-- click the heart for a starter !! please specify the muse! you can also check out my meme tag here and my opens tag here

[etherealspacejelly]

I'm autistic and I currently feel like shit checklist

Hi there. Are you autistic? Do you currently feel like shit and don't know why? Try this checklist to see if you can Fix The Problem!

When was the last time you used the bathroom? If you answered "I don't know" or "at least 3 hours ago", go now!

Do you need a drink? Go get one if you don't have one in front of you.

When was the last time you ate? If you haven't eaten yet today, consider eating A Meal, or perhaps A Snack. Something is better than nothing, eat whatever you feel able to!

Is there something in your immediate surroundings that is bothering you? If the light is too bright, turn it off. If there is an annoying sound, make the sound stop or reduce your ability to hear it (earplugs, headphones, etc.). If your clothes are bothering you, change them.

Is your space messy? Pick one area of your room and clean it up as best you can. Clean your whole room if you have the energy!

When was the last time you did An Activity? Scrolling on social media doesn't count. Try actively doing something fun! Play a game you like, read a book, make something, or go for a walk.

When was the last time you Spoke to a Person? Consider talking to a person you like if it has been a while.

How long has it been since you did something Special Interest related? Make some time to do that today. Infodump to a friend, have a nice long research session, look at related images or gifs, make art about it, whatever works best for you!

Try stimming actively! Put on some music and dance, spin in circles, go to the park and use the swings!

If you still feel like shit after trying all of these things, you might be tired or sick. Go to bed early and get some rest. Hopefully you will feel better tomorrow!

Hope that helps :)

[talkorsomething]

Too [insert adjective here] for guard ...................

Well, it's only half related.

We "hit a pothole", "had a slipup", whatever you want to call it — sunday. Aka: for the sake of my sanity we are not labeling it a relapse but good god does it feel as though I have invited the demons back in.

I know why, but I don't really know why. Because, I mean... I never have, to begin with. So: when I decided i was doing it sunday, i accepted it. "Let it happen", as someone would probably say to me. It's not...

I've been thinking about it for a while now. It's like anything - it comes and goes, a few times a year, and no matter what, I always ignore it.

Except, maybe there's something I'm not paying attention to? Or, ignoring, is the better word for it?

Of course it would be the one thing I have happening in my life.

November, I was burnt out for unrelated reasons. It was a lot to take in. That made sense. Now? ... why now?

There's not really any pressure on me. Yes, I have to do things, yes, it will be noticed if they're bad, but ...... it's not important. We don't spend time on it. I'm coming back next year, but it might be at the cost of ... all of this. I think it's progress. I haven't touched my guitar in any serious capacity in over a year. I think it's progress.

I don't take compliments well. I can't tell if that's why I don't get them, but I'm not being corrected much either. Only when I drift too far from what the work is supposed to be, only after weeks of it going, I can only assume, unnoticed. I keep getting stuck.

...push it back down.

Telling me I'm doing good isn't telling me what I know I have to be getting wrong. I could take it, at the cost of... all of this. I'm anticipating, and I know it can come. This is not where I was when I started.

It's been said, I haven't been told, that not starting it means you're more of a burden, by making the other person have to do it first. I know that. I do. And still it doesn't help. I'm not drowning. It wasn't an accident, but it wasn't planned, either. I don't know you.

I don't know you.

I'm not a good person. I'm not a nice person. Every week I tell myself this is really it, and every week I come back, and ... what? Forget I ever said anything? Forget we're not friends?

Well, we're not, huh? Nobody is, with me. What you see I swear you misunderstand. You don't ask. If you do, well, I can't answer. We're at an impasse.

It's not even my fault we didn't make it. I shouldn't feel like this over nothing. I don't do anything. You will, correctly, not let me do anything, because potential doesn't matter if you can't back it up. If you won't back it up. I let things happen to me.

I don't even feel better. And, actually, ironically, i think i know what would let me feel better. If I can't be upset with anyone else, at least I can be with myself.

... but, well, not even that. Your heart in my hands, but I mean it diegetically. And metaphorically. I hate putting myself out there, I hate having to actually perform, and yet every time, no matter what, I do it. I'm fine. I only cared at the start, and even then not very.

I don't feel anything. Not a lot, anyways. I don't let it happen. I can't. I don't know what it'll mean if I start being honest with myself.

...

I've pulled myself out of this before. A few times, now. Different circumstances, but I've done it all the same. Seasonal depression notwithstanding.

I'm only here because I did things I was scared to. And still, I'm the same. No progress made. The only way out is to do it again but I feel like I can't. I can't.

Will someone just let me say that?

Will someone just fucking help for once?

[blizzardfluffykpop]

My next winter fic is scheduled 3hrs and 25 minutes earlier than normal- Usually all are published at 1030 am EST on odd days- but tomorrow because I'm going on a trip. It'll be scheduled for 6:45 am EST but it's still an odd day posting! :)