#( i appreciate you )

[marvelstoriesepic]

I'm so glad you enjoyed it!! Thank you for the time you took to reblog and those lovely words! 🫶🏻✨

I do love writing him as a sweetheart 🥰

Casual Sweetness

Pairing: Roommate!Bucky x reader

Summary: You seek out your roommate and best friend Bucky for comfort after a girls night out leaves you shaken up.

Word count: 2.3k

Warnings: slight mentions of handsy strangers at a bar (nothing graphic); so much comfort

Author’s note: I don’t know where this came from. I started writing it, then finished it and now it’s existing and I’m putting it out there.

Masterlist

Never once has a night out with your girls left you this unsatisfied. Or, shaken, really. Every pre-planned rendezvous or spontaneous meet-up at a local bar with Wanda and Nat had always been a reliable escape from the daily grind.

You three like to cozy up at home, preferably at Wanda’s, and binge-watch a worthy series. And while that held its certain appeal, every once in a while you would find yourselves dancing and drinking, surrounded by people who wouldn’t remember enough of you, if the amount of liquor drove you to making decisions that sober you wouldn’t have even thought of. It has always provided an outlet for stress and helped you recharge.

Not tonight though. The strangers in the new bar you girls tried out tonight were far too handsy, your head started pounding uncomfortably even before taking the first sip and thinking about the bartender only makes dread pooling in your gut.

You also weren’t able to distract your mind, or rather your heart.

Usually, you would think about getting an Uber to meet up with your friends but Bucky always insisted on driving you when he wasn’t busy. But really, he never seemed to be, anyway. Not when it meant you would have to leave the apartment on your own. Nothing had his priority other than chauffeuring you around. You never asked him to do that, he just had a habit of insisting and there was nothing you could do. He had told you as much.

And tonight was no exception. He had sprung up from the couch, movie already paused, and keys in hand when you had emerged from the bathroom and practically ushered you into his car to drive you to the bar you girls had agreed on meeting at.

“Just don’t like the idea of you sitting in the backseat of some car, looking all pretty and dressed up with some guy in the front, thinking god knows what. Not taking any chances, doll, let me drive you.”

You always roll your eyes and scoff at his exaggerated concern, reminding him that it was said guy’s job to drive you to your wanted destination. You usually ignore the rest of his words. A simple shirt and jeans would hardly qualify as ‘dressed up’ for you and the idea of you being ‘pretty’ was something you would usually laugh at.

But it was hard to laugh at that when it came out of Bucky’s mouth. Your roommate. Your friend. Maybe even your best friend. But that’s where it stopped because nothing more ever happened. And you doubted it would.

So you let his words slide and let them wash over you because if you would address them, you would start thinking. And think, you do not want to. Because thinking only leads to foolish hope. A hopeless belief, that perhaps Bucky feels what you feel and suppresses it the same way you are. A ridiculous belief that he has the same overwhelming feelings about a friend that goes way beyond what friends normally feel for each other.

So you never let yourself think too hard, shoving those feelings into a box at the very back of your mind and swallowing down the key with the hard liquor when you went out for some drinks. It always burns on its way down. Maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe it’s that lingering ache. It really is not clear to you, but it does offer you a sense of reprieve, if only temporarily.

With every hungover the next day, follows the inevitable onslaught of that knot inside your chest and that rusty key resurfaces, reopening the box and unleashing a fresh wave of longing.

It only worsens in the way he would take care of you.

Every glass of water, each soft touch, each softly whispered inquiry is a gentle prod to the already gaping wound that was caused by the feelings of unrequited love.

The pancakes he would bring to your bed - because you were too grumpy to leave it - never satisfies the nourishment your soul craves. The pain relievers he would put on your nightstand, already there when you’d get back, would only serve as a cruel reminder that nothing could relieve the ache inside your chest.

With every “You feeling better, doll?” and “There anything else I can do for you, sweetheart?” the ache deepens, spreading like wildfire through your veins, reaching your bones and searing through them like branding irons with the intention to leave marks that you believe to be permanent.

The hangover eventually leaves your body, but your heart festered.

However, the ache is not always the dominant emotion in Bucky’s presence. It isn’t always the first thing you acknowledge. First and foremost, being in Bucky’s proximity elicits a profound sense of comfort and warmth.

It let the butterflies in your stomach flutter uncontrollably with every belly laugh he let out unabashedly, tipping his head back and squeezing his eyes shut, crinkles forming at their corners.

Your heart does unwanted flips at every pet name Bucky lets casually slip passed his lips, seeming so nonchalant about calling you ‘doll’ and ‘sweetheart’ but to you it means everything.

Every tender gesture leaves you breathless. You had been living with him for nearly a year now and you had come to acknowledge how sharing a space with him had become a delicate balancing act between euphoria and agony.

Bucky would bring you a hot water bottle at times when your cramps got too bad, or simply when you experienced menstrual discomfort, trying to soothe you with sweets he extra went out for.

He would jokingly chastise you to fold your clothes before storing them in the closet to prevent them from wrinkling and tease you when you didn’t. But it always ended with him taking matters into his own hands and carefully folding your clothes while you watched him from your bed, making fun of him when he turned red attending to your undergarments, despite trying to remain indifferent.

He would cook with and for you, make you coffee in the mornings, distract you with terrible jokes when you had a bad day, and leave you to it when all you needed was some me-time, only checking in when he needed to be sure you were okay.

His casual sweetness was a constant assault on your composure.

But right now, as you klick the door to your shared apartment shut and slip out of your shoes with a heavy sigh, it is all you can think of. His gentle touch, the sparkling blue of his eyes, the cheerfulness of his smile that makes your insides do somersaults.

It is still early. Earlier than you had ever been home after a night out and you’re sure Bucky is still awake. The lights in the living room are out which means he is in his room, perhaps engrossed in his laptop, reading a book, or idly scrolling through his phone.

Yet, you hesitate, staying rooted to the spot in the hallway. It was nothing unusual for you to knock on Bucky’s door, sometimes simply barging in if you felt particularly bold or just wanted to annoy him. But you had never sought him out before simply because you needed him. Needed his comfort, his reassuring whispers, the warmth that radiates off him and seeps into your skin.

So to buy some time, you retreat to the bathroom; emptying the contents of your bladder, splashing water on your face, and brushing your teeth.

There is only so much time you can stall, and soon enough you find yourself standing in front of Bucky’s bedroom door, clothes discarded and changed for more comfortable sleepwear. There is no noise filtering through the wall of his room but the soft glow seeping beneath the door offers a glimmer of hope.

You try to soothe the shakiness of your hands and rub them along the fabric of your shirt before lifting one hand to knock on his door. The sound is softer than intended, but Bucky’s gentle ‘come in’ was immediate.

Opening the door slowly you find him leaning against the headboard of his bed, dark sheets loosely draped around his waist. His grey shirt makes him look cozy and in his lap lay a book. One you had recommended him to read.

Your body reacts in an instant, shoulders dropping ever so slightly and a breath leaves your lips at the comfort he already provides.

“You’re back early,” he starts when you keep standing at the door unmoving, “didn’t expect you home til’ midnight at least.”

The familiar cadence of his tone provides you the sense of stability you had needed to let go of his doorknob, however, the teasing in his voice wasn’t lost on you. He seems to have expected you to tumble through the door at an ungodly hour, dropping in your bed and waking the next morning with a hangover worse than the last time.

You assume the bottle of water and the painkillers already found their place on your nightstand.

A huffed laugh leaves your lips but your expression remains unchanged as you shift awkwardly in his doorway. “Uh, yeah, we decided to leave earlier. Weren’t really feeling it, I guess.” You shrug, attempting to sound nonchalant, but Bucky’s brow begins to furrow softly and he shuts his book, placing it on his nightstand without taking his eyes off you.

“You alright, doll?” His voice was devoid of the teasing tone he had held moments before, “did something happen?” His eyes are intense, scanning your face and you break eye contact, letting your gaze wander across his room as if you see it for the first time.

You take a deep breath, hands twisting nervously and your heart picks up in pace. “I, uhm…It’s-” You stumble over your words, a shaky breath escaping your mouth instead of a coherent answer.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Bucky shift on his bed, straightening as if preparing to come closer to you but your next words halt him in his movements.

“Can I maybe stay with you? Tonight?”

It comes out more pleading and quieter than wanted but you don’t care about that right now. Not with the way Bucky looks at you. He is halfway out of the bed already, sheets thrown back onto the mattress but he still doesn’t take his eyes off you.

“Course you can stay, doll! Of course you can.”

Bucky’s voice holds a reassuring firmness, while he still talks softly. Your teeth clamp down on your lower lip, watching him cross the room to you and placing his hands gently on your upper arms to take a better look at you. His eyes move between yours, brows deepening, concern etching itself into every line of his face.

“You wanna tell me what happened? Somebody make you uncomfortable?” There is something in his tone you can’t concentrate on, only shaking your head at his questions.

“I don’t- Can we not-” Your words were cut short by the gentle touch of Bucky’s hand on your face. His thumb begins to steadily swipe over your cheekbones so tenderly, a shiver rushes down your spine. He had never touched you like this before and you are trying your very best not to let your eyes droop and melt into him.

“We don’t have to talk about this right now, doll, I just-” So many emotions are swirling in the depth of his blues, his worry still the most outstanding. “Just wanna make sure you’re okay,” he whispers. “Is there anything you need? Anything I can do?”

His thumb doesn’t ease the motions over your skin and it is that you realize your hands stopped shaking and your heartbeat fell back in place without conscious effort. He has done so much for you already, without knowing it.

A deep, audible sigh escapes your lips and you offer him your first genuine smile of the night. “Just wanna stay here with you,” you whisper, your gaze locked onto his and if the world stopped moving for a second you would be none the wiser.

The comforting circles of his thumb paused and you feel that damned rusty key turning in the deadbolt of the lock to the box of your feelings, opening them with a screech and letting the contents spill out, open for him to see. And there comes the hope again. The belief that the depths of his eyes reflect the very same emotions you have plastered on your face.

But how can you not believe it when his expression holds something that looks to you a lot like love. A love, an affection, that, as you’ve established goes way beyond friendship.

Warm lips brush against your forehead and you let your eyes close for a second, savoring the feel of them. Gentle hands guide you towards his bed and you move like putty, allowing yourself to be enveloped in the soft sheets, full of his scent.

Bucky crawls in beside you, laying his body to face yours and you can’t help but study the way the soft glow of the moon that seeps through the curtains, reflect on the planes of his face, after he shut off the little lamp on his bedside table.

“Thank you, Bucky!” you whisper, the sound almost getting lost in the sheets, but he hears you, a soft smile forming on his lips, the moon allowing you to see it.

“Not for this, sweetheart. Never for this,” he whispers back and you let your eyes fall shut with a content sigh.

Right before sleep can claim you, you feel the comforting weight of his hand, covering your own over the sheets and silently linking with your fingers.

“I’ve found a natural drug for all of my panic, anxiety, and anger. It’s his voice. It’s him.”

- J.R. Rogue

[circusballoon]

During late evening and early morning, I've been working on ... yet more In Stars and Time fanart. This time with lyrics from Inertia by AJR because I keep running into it around the internet and was like ... you know what? Siffrin.

Now I need to find the motivation to do stuff like this for my own characters

[i-got-da-rubes]

“Thank you for asking what nobody else did.

What not even I considered.”

Drawn with my non-dominant hand.

[xxknockoutxx]

𝐉𝐉𝐊 𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐎 𝐔𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀 𝐒𝐀𝐅𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃.

◉ 𝐟𝐭. 𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐮 𝐆𝐨𝐣𝐨, 𝐒𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐮 𝐆𝐞𝐭𝐨, 𝐍𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢 𝐊𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐨, 𝐓𝐨𝐣𝐢 𝐅𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐨, 𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐨 𝐊𝐚𝐦𝐨, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐑𝐲𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐒𝐮𝐤𝐮��𝐚

(Forgive me. It's my first time writing NSFW)

Tw: overstimulation, sex, unprotected sex, multiple orgasms, crying, comfort, mention of positions (vague) and a couple of other things lol.

𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐮 𝐆𝐨𝐣𝐨

A huge silent room was filled with the sounds of moans and the repeated smacking of the huge bed smacking the wall. "F-fuck... Baby... You're so cute when you're like this.." Followed by the repeated slamming of his hips into you. By the arch your back was making you would assume that it would just break after one more thrust. The entire bed and its frame shook intensely and the room was filled with a vague sweet smell.

At this point your legs gave out already and you were laying on the bed taking it with nothing but a few whines and an intense grip on the pillow in front of you. "T-toru w-wait. I can't-..." He followed this up with a chuckle. "Don't worry just let me take care of you..."

The speed picks up and all you can do is feel. Blinded by your watery eyes, all you can see is a blurry pillow that's drenched in tears. Your poor cervix being hit every single time and repeatedly getting abused by Satoru's huge cock as it thrusts back in you deeper and deeper until... "Limitless!"

The entire mood and atmosphere of the room goes grey as he immediately gets up and checks on you. "Baby, fuck, I'm so sorry are you okay?" You twitch uncontrollably as you keep your face in the pillow trying to recollect yourself. Satoru grabs some water and snacks before coming back to you quickly and gently putting you in his lap.

"fuck... I'm so sorry..." You sniffle and look up at him. "I-its okay.. I was just a little overstimulated" Satoru had a face disgust with himself before you kissed his neck and jawline before leaving a long kiss on his nice red lips. "'s okay baby I know you just felt good..." He looked up at you and put his self disgust aside and grabbed the snacks/candy and shot you a worried "I'm sorry" look.

"Break?"

𝐒𝐮𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐮 𝐆𝐞𝐭𝐨

"Fuck..baby, you look so pretty under me" You squirm under him as the thrust of his cock sends shock through your entire body. You were trapped under him with thighs putting infinite secondhand pressure on your chest while your feet hung over his shoulders.

" 'guru, wait- I... mmph!" Your whines were muffled by 2 long fingers entering your mouth. "Suck" Just then you followed his orders with little hesitation. But the more and more he thrust into your abused cunt the more and more your tears and numbness caught up to you.

The build up to your third orgasm was evident and it wasn't graceful. "S-Suguru!" He responded with a grin and even rougher treatment. "Overstimulated?" He said looking down at you. It was less of a concerned face and tone more of a condescending one. You looked up at him feeling like the pressure inside you was going to burst.

"Curse!" In an instant the reality had set in a few seconds late. He pulled out which made a small 'pop' noise. When he saw you gasping for air and clenching your thighs together. His mood shifted and he left to go fetch a towel. After cleaning up he put you to bed and let you rest after stepping out of the room.

When you woke up you noticed the soreness in your legs and chest was mostly gone and the fact that Suguru wasn't there. Confused, you sent a text asking where we went. "Y/N, sorry about what happened. I didn't mean to go that far. I should've stopped sooner, I'm downstairs right now and I got you food it's on the table I just figured you would want to have time to yourself after that" you could hear the guilt in his texts and that made you feel guilty. "No Suguru it's okay, I'd feel better if I were with you :)" "alright, I'm coming 🩶"

𝐍𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢 𝐊𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐨

What a predicament to be in. Folded like a pretzel in the lap of your husband after a particularly rough day at work which led to the same treatment reflected in your sex life. Two large hands grip your waist and help you navigate up and down his huge shaft with subtle grunts.

"K-Kento-" "Quiet, All I need is another Hour" "that's the thing I don't think I have another hour in me-" A small pause was followed by a grunt. "Then I'll get my hours worth now" Restricting your hands and holding down your waist he thrusts up into you with intense speed.

It made you want to shatter right then and there. A growing feeling of sickness arises inside your stomach. "K-Kento... Wait... please" A giant hand silences your cries and the reoccurring hits on your cervix pushes you over the edge. Tears stream out of your eyes and your tongue sticks out of your mouth. "Overtime!"

His automatic husband mode completely overpowered his angry, tired, and needy personality. He took you off his lap and laid you down. "Honey, I'm so sorry are you alright?" You roll over to go under the covers with a shiver. "I'm fine kento, I just need some rest, please don't worry." Despite the alarm in his face he agreed. But he might use this as a reason for him to take a break from his sex life.

𝐓𝐨𝐣𝐢 𝐅𝐮𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐠𝐮𝐫𝐨

At this point you're questioning if you're even alive or if you will be alive when you're done with this if you'll ever be done with it. Right now, being rammed into repeatedly, you lay there just thinking about your decisions which is even harder to do when you can't even focus on something as simple as speaking and breathing.

"t-toj-..." The feeling of his cock slapping your pussy over and over again, making you drool. "Heh, y'r putting on a show aren't 'cha?" In return all he got was a mumble and some broken moans. It was evident that you weren't in the right state of mind when being fucked dumb on his thick length.

"t-toji, I- I can't... 's too much..." A low groan and snicker came from toji as lifted you higher and fucked into you faster and harder. The pleasure and pain evident on your face as you both looked at yourselves in the mirror. Sure it wasn't his favorite position but having you in a full Nelson made him experience an excitement deep within him.

"Damn it, Broke Bitch!" You hiss. "Well that was just mean, doll" he looks at you with a half disappointed and confused face and puts you down. Which you immediately fell on the floor, face first because your legs gave up. "Help me, Brokie" "Nah I don't think I wanna after you called me a broke bitch and clocked out early"

"TOJI on everything I love, you not being one of them, if you don't get me off this dirty fuckin floor..." With a sigh and way too much attitude he obliged. "Fine ya big baby" He picks you up and chucks you on the bed. "Clearly you're washed up" your eyebrows furrowed. As you took sight of his boldness "And clearly your broke ass doesn't understand the fact that I pay the bills in this fucking house and if you don't get your shit together you gonna be sleeping with that fuckin cat"

"yes Ma'am" with a smirk you accept the blanket given to you and snuggle in the big velvety sheets. "Thank you, Brokie Toji"

𝐂𝐡𝐨𝐬𝐨 𝐊𝐚𝐦𝐨

Straddling Choso was always one of your favorite things to do and he likes it too. "F-Fuck Cho! 's so good" "fuck.... Right there, Ma..." As you continue to ride him your legs slowly started to feel more numb. As good as it felt you didn't know how much longer you could bring yourself to doing this.

"Cho' I don't know how much longer I can keep this up" "Come on mama, you're doing so well..." Choso grips your hips tightly and continues to guide you on his cock. Giving you some words of support while doing so. Tears well up in your eyes as your body starts to give out leaving you to just silently cry for release.

Your hips crash down on his cock repeatedly as a nice silky white ring forms at his base. "That's it baby, just a little more...shit.." his grip only intensifies as he speeds up and gets slightly more possessive. "Cho' please, let's take a break!" "What...?" Clearly, he took that the wrong way which caused him to be even more possessive.

He wrapped his arms around you and thrusted faster. "Mine..." Choso was more terrified of you leaving more than anything so anything that sounded remotely close to a break up just broke him. "Blood!" The gears in choso's head stopped turning. He didn't even realize what was happening for around 10 seconds before he realized you used your safe word.

"Shit, I'm so sorry! Y/N, please forgive me!" Your mind was still fuzzy but you were still conscious enough to know that Choso was 2 seconds away from freaking out. "Hey, hey it's okay! I meant let's relax and take a break." You wipe your tears and his forming tears and you two just quietly cuddle and enjoy each other's company."

𝐑𝐲𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐧 𝐒𝐮𝐤𝐮𝐧𝐚

Even though you should be pretty used to overstimulation, this time is particularly worse because it wasn't just overstimulation. this time it was followed by teasing and it wasn't ideal because this time he didn't take it easy.

"c'mon brat, where's that pretty face gone?" Tears stroll down your face and cover your cheeks. Being fucked dumb on Sukuna wasn't knew but when he chose to be in his true form and in front of people, it was quite literally the worse experience ever.

"'Kuna... I can't.. 's too much-" like those pathetic mumbles were to do anything, the only thing happening right now that was different was the fact that he now seemed prouder in a way. Showing you off like a trophy for all of those lower than him to see.

"M-murder!" His eyes widened slightly as he came to a stop. Then they turned into one of boredom. He dismissed everyone before going back to you. "Brat what's the problem?" Trying to catch your breath while crying wasn't easy. It was even harder when he didn't pull out.

"Kuna, can we take a break, please?" You almost stumble over your words while trying to collect yourself. He takes you off his lap and places you on his throne.

"I'll tell Uraume to drop off some towels and clothes for you, when you are ready, come find me". He started to walk away leaving you with his kimono. "You know where to find me."

"thanks, Kuna..."

"...you're welcome Y/N"

✩*⢄⢁✧ ----.・。.・゜✭.・✫・゜.・。.・・.----✧⡠*☆

An: OMG ITS DONE. sorry everyone this isn't my normal writing style and I was also battling with myself about making it more graphic, I don't have a problem with that stuff but I have to get over the ick of writing it out. As for the safe words I didn't have them planned so I just spat out some bullshit. Ngl I actually felt a little weird writing it but y'know I ended up doing it so ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ good for me I guess lol.

@smionrileyswifetehe

⏤͟͟͞͞✧𝐊𝐧𝐨𝐱.

[dumblr]

If you defend my name when i’m not around i appreciate you.

[pikavani]

I'm such a dumbass sometimes!! (joking)

After I announced my struggle with Artblock, I felt like such a failure and immediately put my phone and IPad aside... I didn't even read all the wonderful and uplifting comments you guys wrote.

I couldn't add every single text to this picture but believe me, I now read all of your texts!

Thank you so much for reaching out to me and giving me the courage to take a break!

It's unbelievable how much I fell in love with this Fandom and Community... you guys are so sweet!! I appreciate you very much! 🥺💕

I wish I could express my feelings towards you better!

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!

Enjoy the day with your special someone ❤

and if you're single remember:

There is you and you. This is a relationship. This is the most important relationship ❤❤❤

[indulgemyweirdness]

Every so often, I will look up @kaity--did just to see what she, her gremlin child and himbo husband are up to and you know what? I have never been disappointed. It waters my crops, cures my depression and warms my cold heart. This is an appreciation post.

All Hail the Sludge Queen (and her loving but tired parents peasants)!

[mvashnic]

More doodling. All the roadtrip fics are giving me life, lmao.

[shanicetjn]

Celeste & Rolan

Commission for @dontbegreedy of her Baldur's Gate OC - Celeste with Rolan.

Check out my progress below.

Completed - 2 July 2024

[marvelstoriesepic]

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! Thank you for your lovely words and reblogging my fic! 🫶🏻✨

I appreciate you!!

Angstober (day 11)

Pairing: Avenger!Bucky x Avenger!Reader

Prompt: Wake up

Word Count: 3k

Warnings: Bucky is losing it; mentions of panic attacks; angsty angst

Angstober Masterlist

Bucky hasn’t had trouble sleeping for about two years now. That’s about how long you’ve been together. That’s about how long you’ve been sleeping in the same bed as him every night.

It’s been 25 months since you’ve gotten together, but in truth, the sharp edges of his nightmares began to dull long before that - all because of you.

You’ve always been a dependable member of this team. Skilled, efficient, and wholeheartedly committed to your work. Yet, what you’ve done for Bucky and what you did every day since then and still do to this day, outshines all of those qualities.

You’ve shown him patience - not the suffocating kind that hovers or pities, but a quiet, resolute belief in his strength. You saw something in him when he couldn’t do it himself. Little by little, day by day, night by night; you made him believe that he still had something to fight for, something to live for, and that there is a place for him in a world he wasn’t meant to see.

Your presence, your smile, your voice; all the little things that identify you - it all gifted him the reprieve of the guilt he was slowly drowning in. And you pulled him out of the water, teaching him how to crave the air that was lost, breath by breath.

He knows he shouldn’t rely on anyone with an amount so heavy, it would terrify anyone else. It might be dangerous. But he needs you. It’s that simple, really. You’re the only thing keeping him afloat, despite how long you’ve been helping him remember independence. He doesn’t want independence. He wants you. Because he won’t ever find as much comfort in himself as he finds in you.

So, this is a feeling he isn’t quite used to anymore.

Laying in bed, eyes unblinkingly staring at the ceiling in the dark, eyelids burning in exhaustion but not able to shut. His body aches for rest, but his mind won’t allow it.

He inhales slowly, forcing the breath deep into his lungs, following the breathing techniques you taught him in those early weeks; when you helped him through his panic attacks. He hasn’t had one in a long time, but he recognizes the signs all too well.

And it traps the racing thoughts in his mind.

Instinctively, his arms around you tighten. Your slumbering form lay peacefully and wam atop his chest and he lets it ground him. He lets it - lets you - tether him to the reality his spiraling mind so desperately needs.

His muscles are tense as he clings to you, seeking stability in the steady rise and fall of your breathing against him.

He exhales slowly, a deep sigh that he feels ripple through his entire body.

He put so much effort into convincing himself it was nothing. Just harmless smoke. It didn’t have to mean anything, anything barbaric. But that’s what Hydra is known for. Wickedness, Inhumanity, Evilness - the list can only go on.

That smoke was invisible. And Hydra loves to play invisible. Hiding in the underground and pretending they don’t exist.

Once again, Bucky’s mind, cruel and ruthless, drags him back to the mission earlier that morning. Anxiety claws at his resolve and he takes in another breath almost aggressively. It’s as if his subconscious is trying to prove to himself that this wasn’t just some non-toxic mist you had been exposed to for mere minutes on end.

Steve’s voice crackles over the coms, talking about something important no doubt, but Bucky’s attention is locked elsewhere. His senses are attuned to just one thing - your breathing. Your comms are on and Bucky knows about which corridors you are walking through to retrieve a file for Fury.

You’re not supposed to engage in combat, unless perhaps on the way out but the path should be cleared. So, then why are your breaths coming out faster and far from the rhythm he loves to listen to.

He waits a few seconds, his instincts flaring, trying to reason with himself. Trying to get him to stop worrying himself out of his mind. But the sound of your breathing doesn’t sit right with him, and the longer he listens, the more uneasy he becomes.

Carefully, he calls out your name, ignoring whatever Steve might still be saying on the other end. There is a pause - he clearly interrupted the captain - and then your voice comes through, soft and reassuring. You know how much he gets concerned for you, sometimes just needing to hear your voice in confirmation everything is fine.

“How far are you?” he asks, voice a little tighter than he’d like. Steve hasn’t picked up on where he got interrupted. He gets it too.

“Almost there. Just down the hall,” you reply, though there is a slight hesitation, a pause, another unsteady breath. It’s subtle, but Bucky picks it up, brows furrowing. You’re contemplating something, weighing your words and his steps begin to falter, own breathing getting even heavier.

“There is something odd, though.”

His heart squeezes and he tries to swallow that lump in his throat, but it remains stuck, halfway blocking the way for air inside his body.

“What is it?” His response is immediate, urgent. “Do you need backup? Want me to come over? I’ll be on my way-”

He tried so hard to sound casual but the laugh coloring the tone of your next words tells him he wasn’t at all subtle in his feelings.

“No need, Buck. I got it. The air just feels a little weird here, that’s all. Nothing I can’t handle.”

“Do you have trouble breathing?” So far underground, it’s almost to be expected that the air is different, but he needs to know more, craves to ask a thousand more questions but he refrains himself. You can handle yourself. You don’t always need him to breathe down your neck, hover over you like the miserable man he is.

“I can breathe just fine, Buck,” you sweetly soothe again, letting him take the time he needs to gather his thoughts around your well-being.

He exhales, the tightness in his chest easing up a little bit which spreads awareness that his whole team just heard his ridiculous worries over the shared coms. Heat creeps up his neck and he cringes inwardly. Though he wouldn’t change a thing and he sure as hell will check in on you again when the nerves rise once more. And they will.

It was only thanks to Tony’s tech that Bucky even found out what had happened - that you had walked straight through the invisible smoke, breathing it in the whole time and letting it enter your body with every gulp of air.

The surveillance had picked up traces of the strange substance, the air you had said felt weird. But you hadn’t seen the smoke. None of you had. And now, Bucky feels like he’s losing his grip.

He hates this helplessness, this stifling feeling that there is nothing he can do but watch and wait. Watch you, observe your every movement, listen to your breathing, analyze your body language, trying to decipher if something is off. Waiting for the shoe to drop.

You had told him countless times that you feel fine, that nothing feels different and you don’t like to see him this worried, but his mind loves to go to cruel places. And his concern for you is too extreme, running so deep, clinging so tight, that the need for you to feel okay almost hurts him physically.

Tony and Bruce are running tests, trying to figure out what the hell that smoke even was and how harmless it really is. But the waiting is torturous. The tick of every second feel like stabs to his heart. Bucky doesn’t trust harmless, not after everything he’s seen. Not after everything he’s lost. And he won’t put you on that list. Because if he had to, he’d add himself right after. He lost himself once and he will again if you’re no longer with him, falling to much greater demons than ever before.

And so, he watches. It’s all he can do. He watches you like a hawk, nerves fraying and senses tumbling, torn between the need to protect you and the agonizing reality that, for now, he’s powerless to act. His mind races with worst-case scenarios, his imagination conjuring all the ways this invisible thread could hurt you. And yet, there is nothing he can do - nothing but hope that Tony and Bruce figure it out before it’s too late.

The waiting feels like it’s driving him mad.

Bucky waits till sunrise, the first light of the day bleeding through the thick curtains. He hasn’t even noticed it had gone brighter outside, only acknowledging it when your skin begins to glow under it, making you look like an angel sent from heaven.

He hadn’t slept, not even for a moment, his eyes not leaving your peaceful body. Every sound you made, every small shift of your body as you slept, every breath you took, he noticed. He spent hours, gently running his hands over you, trailing his fingers over the familiar contours of your form, pressing his lips so softly against the parts of you he could reach without disturbing you.

At some point; Bucky carefully, reluctantly, slips away from beneath you, and quietly into the bathroom. The cold splash of water on his face stings, but it does nothing to shake the weariness clinging to him.

The man in the mirror staring back at him is hardly recognizable to him. Dark circles shadow his eyes, deep and heavy, his gaze dull and hollow, lacking the fire you ignite in him. When he doesn’t normally sink into a pit of worry. His brows sag with the weight of exhaustion, his expression almost foreign in its desperation.

You won’t be happy when you wake up. He can basically hear you chastise him in his head and he really wants to smile at the thought but since no other thought this night had been a decent one, he doesn’t know how at the moment.

Bucky’s hands grip the edges of the sink, tightening, until he might have been worried about breaking the porcelain if that thought wasn’t so irrelevant to him right now. A long and heavy exhale leaves his chest, his head hanging low and eyes squeezed shut. He forced himself to press his lips together, not to let out a sound that would perhaps wake you up.

He tries to be in control of the rising wave of frustration and utter helplessness that surges within him, pushing it down as his chest constricts.

It takes a few more minutes before he feels composed enough to return back to you. He releases his grip on the sink, hands flexing before letting both, flesh and metal fall back to his sides. With a last glance in the mirror, he walks out of the door.

The sight of you, still peacefully asleep in the exact position he left you, quiets his mind just enough for at least a small moment. With silent steps, he approaches you, slipping carefully back into bed without making a sound. Slowly, he wraps his arms around your body again, drawing you close, pressing you against his chest, feeling your warmth.

You don’t stir as Bucky settles in, pushing his nose into your neck, closing his eyes, and inhaling deeply - a breath that is filled with your sweet scent.

Bucky isn’t sure how much time slips by as he keeps lying there with you, watching you, breathing you in. But when midday rolls around and you haven’t stirred yet, he decides to wake you up. He might get lucky, being able to bath with you and having you curled up on his lap during a nice breakfast afterward. He craves your voice. He needs to hear you, needs to be soothed by the sweet sound of it, telling him you’re okay and you love him. Perhaps even telling him some silly story about how Sam embarrassed himself in front of you girls. That happens more often than not.

He wants to float in the calm of your presence, to be lost in the way you reassure him, relaxed in the rhythm of your words, comforted in the warmth of your arms.

So he starts with the gentlest of touches, his lips brushing along the curve of your neck, trailing kisses along your skin. He moves to your shoulders slowly, taking his time as if each kiss carries the unspoken weight of all he’s been holding back. When he reaches your cheek, he whispers, soft and low, just for you.

“Baby,” he murmurs, his lips close to your ear, letting the heat of his breath coax you from sleep. “Sweetheart, time to wake up.”

He continues his kisses, lingering, tender, while his body shifts slightly as he props himself up on one elbow, hovering above you just enough to reach more of your skin. His hand moves to brush your hair gently out of your face, his thumb stroking your temple. “Y/n.”

You don’t react, so he continues trailing his kisses over your shoulder, along your arm and back up again, nibbling on your skin.

Bucky is no patient man, but he always has been with you. However, it never takes this long to wake you up. It comes with being an Avenger, always alert, even in your sleep, and usually, the first few touches of his lips are enough to coax you into consciousness.

But you keep lying beneath him, without moving a single muscle, chest rising and falling with every steady breath and tension builds in his middle.

His tone drops, voice louder, getting more urgent. “Doll,” he says, hand cradling your face, gently turning it toward him so he can see you clearly, hoping for even the slightest response. “Come on, baby, wake up. Come back to me.”

He searches for any sign, any flicker of consciousness in your expression, but there is nothing. You look peaceful, serene even, as if you’re merely lost in a deep, calm sleep. There’s no sign of distress, no discomfort, but that only worsens the hollow dread forming in the pit of his gut. Something is wrong. He can feel it. He knows

His pulse quickens, heart pounding violently as fear takes root. His hands, so tender before, now move with desperate urgency. He shakes your shoulders, lightly at first, hoping to watch you open your eyes and greet him with that sweet smile upon seeing him, the one that is so good at melting away his worries.

You don’t stir. You don’t do anything.

“Y/n! Wake up!” he pleads again, voice cracking, panic taking hold of his voice and settling in his bones. His breathing lost any sign of rhythm since the last day but it grows shallow now, ragged, horror rushing up his throat, alarm ringing in his ears.

He is leaning over you, shaking you with more force, more insistence. Leaning closer and pressing his lips to your forehead in an almost rough kiss, he calls your name again, voice strained and sounding foreign to him.

“Show me those beautiful eyes, baby, come on,”Bucky pleads desperately, trembling hands holding your face, shaking it, just like your shoulders, your arms. But the only movements your body does are the ones caused by his touch, your body still limp beneath him, eyes closed, breaths deep.

“Don’t do this to me, baby, please. You don’t get to do this.” His voice breaks, the words barely making it past the lump in his throat. “Come on!“

But there is nothing. No flutter of your eyelids, no soft sound from your lips. Just silence. The kind that makes his blood run cold, terror crawling under his skin, like he’s never felt before. “Wake up!” He is shouting. Vehement, cracking under the weight of the fear flooding in his chest. It strips him bare, leaving him more powerless than he ever was before.

A sound rips through his body, dry and dreadful as it leaves his lips and he isn’t able to acknowledge the tears tracking down his face.

Without wasting another second, Bucky scrambles away from you, his body moving on sheer instinct, his mind only consisting in utter panic. He shoves the blanket off in one harsh movement, throwing it to the side and scooping your limp form into his arms. His heart is pounding so vigorously, it’s as if it has a life of its own, threatening to tear right out of his chest.

The moment you are secured in his arms, he runs. His legs feel weak, but he pushes forward, every step fueled by the thought that something is wrong. Terribly wrong. He crashes through the door, protecting your body with his. His voice echoes down the hall, frantic and full of a terror he’s never known as he yells.

Bucky should have known better.

Hydra doesn’t deal with harmless. He knows that better than anyone.

But even with all the horrors of his past, all the things he’s lost while under their control, nothing could have prepared him for this. Nothing could have ever come close to the agony of the very possibility that he might lose you. Lose you to them. Lose you because of them.

You had been the one to help him to the light. You were his light. You gave him a reason there is something worth holding onto. Your love for him. His love for you. But that very darkness that Hydra plunged him into, now came sneaking back to take the one thing that matters most. The one thing he would die for. The one thing he would die without.

He’s running but it feels like he is falling. Endlessly. Into a void of despair and all he can do is scream into the emptiness, hoping somehow he can pull you back before it’s too late.

He doesn’t even know who he’s calling for. Steve perhaps. Bruce. Tony. It doesn’t matter. It won’t ever matter again. Because if there is no you, then there is nothing worth remembering anymore.

🍁 October Writing Challenges Masterlist 🍁

[ducksandboots]

theyre back (thank you for the best way of announcing it @amazingphil and @danielhowell )

[nyuheartbreak]

there am i again

(close ups undercut)

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Hey all,

If you haven’t yet, please drink/eat something.

[lost-romantique]

Sometimes when I'm stressed I just like to watch...

Unhappy Campers.

Like, I know it's considered the worse Helluva Boss episode, and it certainly isn't the best, but there's something about this episode that just... relaxes me?

Like, it's one of the few Helluva Boss episodes where I can just sit back, relax, and enjoy the show.

Also, like...

Do people forget that this is the only episode that actually delves deep into Millie's character? Like she literally says that all her life she's felt unimportant, and in the background, that's why she's so happy when she plays the role as Millard because she feels seen.

It's also the only episode that shows that M&M aren't always on the same page? That they also have issues in their relationship.

Also, Unhappy Campers gave me this scene...

And I love this scene.

[ryssbelle]

N2 Groppy, he just got his butt kicked saving her so now shes his pillow XD

[ineedjesusverymuch]

Diabolik lovers headcanons pt. 3 (even more stuff)

Hi, it's been a while, no? Even though I feel a bit like I'm screaming into an empty void, I do enjoy writing my thoughts down.

The Diabolik Lovers fandom gets smaller and smaller and since just a few blogs are active, I wanted to post more! I know that without Rejet producing more content (that is canon and not "just" new merchlines, even though I deeply love the art), the dl fandom is bound to shrink. But: now, there are a lot of very respectful blogs, which I do enjoy! The toxicity just shrinks a lot on smaller fandoms. And I really love that no slander of Yui is happening!

Now, lets get into the headcanons after my short ramble.

I won't write anything nsfw this time, just a quick psa.

⚠ I'll try to mark anything that could be triggering with this: ❗trigger warning ❗

⚠This post will briefly discuss topics like: parental trauma and childhood trauma.⚠

The topics in this post will be mostly happy or cute (?), asks are always appreciated!

As always, I'll try to be at least a bit true to canon. But... Well.

this time I did not just ramble about Kanato, I think I talked about Laito quite a bit though...

Headcanons under the cut ⬇

First of all: Shu.

Genuinely loves dogs (remember the scene with Yuma? The little puppy? Yes.)

All fluffy dogs are loved, just as all other dogs.

Loveslovesloves Golden retrievers and sheperd dogs. Likes big dogs a bit more than small dogs, more to hug.

Deeply hates toads. Not frogs, toads. He thinks they're quite ugly and hates how big they can get

Shu is Not dumb but being a little fuck by not-obeying-karlheinz's-orders-like-being-good-in-school

Has only socks with terrible obnoxious patterns, like the weirdest psychedelic shit? I'm talking about rainbow colored mushrooms on sunyellow backdrop and comical faces. (Ngl, it's a vibe)

Huuuuge crush on Yuma. He likes his long hair and the fact that Yuma doesn't try to lie to him. Shu likes honest people and Yuma with his blunt approach is amazing for him. Also, he is convinced that Yuma is very simple to understand, nit at all complicated like some other people.

Next in Line is Reiji! What a surprise.

Has a huge collection of Hand cream and lotion. He has those long, slim fingers and his nails are manicured so impeccable that they don't even look real anymore.

Wears only black socks. Its a hassle to sort them since some of them have different lengths or fabrics

Has pet rats. Definitely pet rats.

They're cute and all but he's named ever single one outrageous names like Berthold and Brunhilde, the typical old german names you'd read in very old books.

Reiji Is able to speak not only german, japanese and the demon language but can also speak latin (even though shu is on a much higher level), a bit of French and russian.

Would be the type to do things simply out of sprite. Shu once mentioned not liking blue curtains and now all curtains are blue.

Has an academic rivalry with Ruki. All the other students (including Ruki) think they're flirting, only Reiji is oblivious.

Next: our boy Ayato!

Hates bees with a passion.

Kanato once "gifted" him a box of bees out of spite (the little shit put the whole bee hive in that box), ever since then Ayato runs as soon as humming from a bee can be heard in a ten mile ratio. (Being outside is very exhausting for everyone, himself included)

Very much enjoys shows like Brigderton and say yes to the dress. Loves the drama and the intrigue.

Ayato actually? Doesn't hate his brothers??? He likes to bicker with them, especially his other triplets, but genuinely cares about them. He's just a bit too emotionally stunted on that front (thank you cordelia).

Likes not only takoyaki but also any type of japanese festival food. I'm talking about mochi, dango and tayaki, etc.

the type to have lactose intolerance and ignore it completely to seem "cool"

went on an ice cream date with Yui once and spent the entire night in the bathroom because he was too proud to say no

Actually wears makeup? I'm not talking about full-on glam but a bit concealer and eyeliner. Ayato has red mascara and omfg he looks so good with it???

Laito and he enjoy playing those multiplayer games for nintendo

He has an entire village on animal crossing that is managed by him and Laito together

Next in line: Kanato!

I have made quite long posts about him in the past so I wont elaborate on some things that I already wrote down.

Very skilled at makeup. Like top-level skill. Wears eyeliner, liptint or gloss and glitter under and on his eyes. Light blush is a must-have!

Can crochet and knit but is often too impatient to make bigger projects

Will hyperfocus on things like historical fashion and garments for weeks at a time.

Once was so focused on the black plague that he didn't drink blood for like five weeks and passed out until he was fed some blood

Gremlin.

Has a friendship with Yuma? They plant plants together and since Kanato (canonically) likes apples, Yuma will bring him some after plucking.

Kanato enjoys tea time with Reiji

Kanato also likes to gossip with Laito. Or more like: Laito gossips and Kanato sits next to him and munches on some sweets.

Huge crush on Azusa. (I went into more detail on that in earlier posts but I'll answer any questions on that matter! Feel free to send me asks or prompts!)

He and Ayato have both the same interest for old fairy tales and will read them together on those nights were everything just comes up again

❗Laito will comfort him when Kanato has nightmares and Kanato will be there for Laito, since they went through a bit if the same things even though Laito's was much more intense

Cuddle time with Shu

Quiet time with Subaru

Now Laito!

Can speak a fuckton of languages.

I don't care if its canon but Laito is like B2 Level of French. Is able to discuss theological matters is perfect french.

Can also speak italian like all the triplets but he's also able to speak a bit german, polish and romanian

Friends with Kou! ❗They're really good ffriends and can understand what the other went though. Laito stays often over night at Kou's and they spend the night watching funny movies (Deadpool is Laitos current favourite)

Laito enjoys comics. He likes Marvel and DC a lot!

We know that Laito likes crossword puzzles but like. He's so good at them it's almost frightening. Is able to not only do japanese ones but also french.

So intelligent???

Not only booksmart but also "people smart". He notices the smallest things on people around him, constantly analizes everyone. Knows a lot about medicine and psychology.

Loves learning new things.

Has immense knowledge about the universe, is able to name every single star sign on the sky.

in the games we often see Laito wear casual clothing. My headcanon is that he likes the sort of style skaters usually wear.

Really likes cargo pants since everything fits in all of the pockets

Wears oversized hoodies and shirts

Has those two piercings on his left earlobe but also has a lip piercing on the right lower lip and a septum that he got when he was bored

As soon as he's alone, he let's the perverted fassade fall down. He doesn't smile a lot actually, more along the lines of a serious face most of the time.

It took a bit for him to be able to drop that fake face of his in front of Kou and his other triplets but after some time he got used to not fake being friendly and perverted.

Dropped the infamous "bitch-chan" after some time, now uses Yui's actual name. The -chan stayed though.

Last but not least: Subaru!

has very soft plushies in his coffin

Loves those tiny fluffy bunnies. Lionheads especially!

Very gentle with animals.

Animals love him (#disneyprincesssubaru)

once tried to color his hair, it went horrible and his hair was a patchy muddy color for eight weeks

Wears eyeliner. The black, brush-tip ones

Long eyelashes. They genuinely look fake.

So pretty

Is naturally more fair and frail-looking than some other vampires so he tries to roughen himself up

❗Bruises his knuckles and bites his lips to look more dangerous. Even though the scowl he usually wears is more than enough to ward off anyone who wants to pick a fight...

Also friends with Kou (Kou really collects Sakamakis like pokemons)

Wears black nail polish but it chips off pretty fast due to the gardening Subaru does

Bonding time with Kanato is applying nail polish together

Enjoys playing pool and darts with Shu when his older brother has enough motivation

Knows he is fucked up from all the stuff with his mother and wouldn't be opposed to therapy (at least after some sweet talk from Yui... And a whole lot of promises for new seeds for his garden and a new set of black clothes)

Has a motor bike and it's his entire pride

Polishes it every week and has a lot of clothes for biking

Takes trips to somewhere when he's bored and/or annoyed by his other brothers

does not realize that Kou flirts with him every time they do something together (obliviousness lies in the family)

So! That's it? I guess? Sometime in the future I'll write about the Mukamis too, I promise!

If there's anything you'd like me to write about, just send me an ask.

And to whoever reads this: I appreciate the time you took to read my post and I hope you have an amazing day/night !

you are truly appreciated!