#( but this year i am saying no to anxiety so. welp. )

[daybreakrising]

PSA: SMALL BUSINESS BOOST

I've been meaning to drop this on the dash for a while on the off-chance that there are some crafty people out there with an interest in cross stitch embroidery! I have an Etsy shop featuring a range of digital-only patterns, including all Genshin character constellations (separate & with some themed sets), Tolkien, Pokemon, D&D and others.

Additionally, if you are the owner of a sighthound breed, I also have made-to-order felt plushies that you can personalise to resemble your beloved hound. I donate a small portion of each sale of these plushies to the sighthound charity I adopted my own hound from!

I regularly add new Genshin constellation designs as characters are released, and I'm hoping to expand into H:SR designs eventually too & potentially other gachas in the future. If this is your thing, feel free to have a browse - all my patterns are fairly simple and very beginner-friendly!

[mrsmikaelsxn]

A Malfoy And A Potter

masterlist

pairing: draco malfoy x female potter reader

warnings: fluff, kissing

summary: you and draco have been dating in secret but the secret comes out when you two attend the yule ball together

a/n: i am so sorry i have not posted in forever, i've just been busy with school and work, and trying to catch up on my reading goal for the year! it's almost summer break so i should be posting more again :)

song: sleigh ride - the ronettes

You were currently pushed up against the wall by your boyfriend, Draco Malfoy.

His lips roam the smooth skin of your jaw and throat. Peppering you with loving kisses while you play with his hair.

Both of you are breathing heavy and he brings his lips back up to your mouth as he kisses you. You let out a satisfied hum and put your hands on his chest.

You gently push him back a bit and he looks at you. "What's wrong, love?"

"Someone is going to see us," you whisper.

"Hm, well that sucks for them," he grins and kisses you again.

You push him and laugh, "I guess you're right," you smile.

"They're going to see us when we go to the ball tomorrow night, you do know that, don't you?"

"Well of course, I know that!"

Draco pulls you into his chest and rests his head on yours, "If Potter has a problem with you and me tomorrow, I'll be more than happy to practice some hexes on him," he glides his hand along your waist.

"There will be no practicing hexes, Draco," you pick up his hand and kiss it before walking out of his embrace.

"Boring!"

"Oh, don't be such a baby," you squeeze his cheeks. "Anyway, I'll be off to dinner now, you should come too," you start walking to the great hall and he follows you like a lost puppy.

You go in and sit with Harry, Hermione, and Ron. "Hello," you smile at them.

"Hi, Y/n," Hermione smiles.

"Hey, mate," Ron says.

"Greetings," Harry salutes you. You grin and salute him back.

"So, do you all have your dates?" You ask them. You already knew about Hermione's date, of course, you two are like sisters.

"Er- not exactly," Harry replies scratching the back of his neck.

"Same here," Ron sighs and drops his head onto the table. You cover your mouth to stop your laugh when he groans in pain.

"Welp, you two got under a day left," you clasp your hands.

"What about you?" Ron asks, "I've been wondering if you finally picked someone out of the two hundred people who asked you," he says with amusement.

"Oh don't be silly, Ron, it was not two hundred people!"

"Sorry- two hundred and seven," he corrects.

You roll your eyes, but it was true. You four have literally been tallying how many people have asked you, boys and girls. "Well, yes, I have a date."

"Really? Who?" Hermione asks.

"I suppose you'll have to see tomorrow," you exclaim with a smile.

You were in your room getting ready for the ball, slightly panicking. Hermione was already dressed and now helping you. "Y/n, you don't need to be nervous," she says as she helps with your hair.

"I know but-"

"No buts. You are perfect and you dance amazingly! Your date is very lucky," she smiles.

You relax a bit and look at her through the mirror, "Hermione, have I mentioned how much I love you?"

"Yes, yes you have," she takes her wand to finish your hair. You already did your makeup with some of her assistance. She claps her hands in excitement, "I believe it's time for the dress!"

You pick up the beautiful dark green gown. You had bought Draco a matching tie when you picked the dress out.

You put the dress on and flatten out some wrinkles.

"You look stunning!" Hermione squeals.

"You mean that?"

"Of course! Now, let's head to the ball!" Hermione links her arm with yours. You two make your way to the entrance when you start to panic again. For someone as well known and popular as you, you get social anxiety often.

"You go in first, I'm scared," you bite your lip nervously.

She sighs but nods. She gives you a quick smile with a thumbs up before she heads down the stairs and goes to her date, Viktor Krum. You peak through the curtain to watch. Ron's jaw drops when he looks at her and her date. He looks angry and you could almost laugh.

After pacing for two minutes you decided to just go down. You pull the curtain and try to sneak in without being noticed. Unfortunately, things don't always go the way you want.

There were an absurd amount of gasps as you made your way down the stairs, praying to Merlin that you didn't trip in your heels. The gaping gazes of the people there making you even more nervous.

You see Draco talking with his best friend, Blaise Zabini. Draco listens to his friend talk as he waits for you to arrive. He notices his friends eyes widened as his mouth opens a bit.

He furrows his brows and looks to see everyone staring at something. He looks and his eyes land on you. He feels all the air sucked out of him. He admires you and then snaps out of his trance and makes his way over you, who was smiling at him.

He holds out his hand and you place yours in his. He leans down to your ear and whispers, "I hope you know how ethereal you look, sweetheart," he pulls back and you blush. Another round of gasps fill the room and you hear a, "WHAT?!" You look over and see Harry rushing over to you two, "I- what in Merlin's name are you doing with Malfoy?!"

"Um, he's my date," you say.

Harry's jaw drops as his head goes back between the two of you. You laugh and shake your head.

Draco pulls on your hand, "I would appreciate a dance with my girlfriend while you continue gaping," he places his hand on your lower back and walks you to where people started to dance.

"GIRLFRIEND??!!"

[qqueenofhades]

I'm watching the results come in for the French legislatives first round, and I have been following American presidential race and supreme court from afar. I am depressed. Please say something wise that will give me hope. I never thought to live through times like this.

Anonymous asked: Hey I know you said you’re avoiding posting about politics so absolutely feel free not to reply, but any tips about not getting hopeless? Especially when the fellow young people in your life are all clamoring to talk about how both parties are the same, they won’t vote, etc, etc (😑)?

Welp. It seems that what the people want to hear at this point is some Wise Words From Internet Grandmother Hilary, so... I will do my best to see what I can come up with. It bears repeating, as I have said many times before and will do so again, that I still have heard no better advice for living through The Horrors than the Gandalf: "So do all who live to see such times, but that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us." Because, yeah. That, in its simplest essence, is it. We cannot control The Horrors. Individual people have never been able to control The Horrors, and five thousand-odd years after the invention of documented human history, here we still are, making the same stupid fucking mistakes. That is pretty maddening to deal with, and if you try to think of it like that, it is impossible to wrap your head around and it will only drive you crazy. So, then. What?

I will freely admit that I am scared too. Despite my best efforts, the post-debate furor wigged me out, I had to log off all social media and news sites for most of the weekend, not look at anything aside from one site I trust for two minutes, and try to get myself back in an okay headspace. So yes, rule number one: STOP DOOMSCROLLING. Please get a muzzle on that little voice in your head that says you HAVE to look, you HAVE to read everything, you have to KNOW JUST IN CASE HOW BAD IT COULD POSSIBLY BE. Then you look at stuff that makes you upset, and that leads to other stuff that makes you more upset, and then there you are in a stew of anxiety and anger and everything else that doesn't help. Do not look at the Bird Site Formerly Known as Twitter or news sites or anything else that is liable to have stuff that upsets you, especially in Panic!!! moments like this. It is designed to make you feel worse and it obscures the fact that nobody actually knows. Like, I devoutly hope that the anonymous "adviser to a prominent Democrat" and the NYT editorial board and everyone else screaming about how Biden should drop out right now step on ten Legos a day for the rest of their lives, but they also DO NOT KNOW (and given the NYT nakedly admitting to a personal vendetta against Biden for not giving them an interview, everyone can see exactly what this crass and unbelievably stupid sabotage attempt is, but yeah). Even if they get quoted in prominent publications, they do not know what is going to happen. They are not prophets. The NYT has, as noted, showed its ass 800 times before and keeps coming up with polls that are so ludicrously pro-Trump that it's becoming a cottage industry to debunk them. They are crass and cynical and trash and all that, they have vested interests, they have a platform, but repeat after me: WE DO NOT KNOW "FOR A FACT" THAT EVERYTHING IS DOOMED AND WILL NEVER BE OKAY AGAIN IF WE DO NOT LISTEN TO THE ALMIGHTY NEW YORK TIMES. In fact, the NYT has been so fucking wrong so fucking many times that at this point, I would bet on it being the other way around.

As part of my Bad Headspace Night on Friday night, I did picture the worst-case scenario of Trump winning, American democracy being overthrown, fascists around the world being emboldened, etc. It was a nasty mental picture and I didn't like anything that would come about if it did, but I had to remind myself that even if it did happen, well, the world would still be here, and good people who care about its future would have to do something to make that future happen. It would be ten times harder and it would be the result of another unimaginably evil and cynical fascist sabotage campaign, but... those are not exactly unprecedented in human history. (See: making all those mistakes over and over again.) People in the past were faced with those same exact moments where everything seemed monumentally hopeless and doomed for a generation, and they fought back, and they won. That's the thing. Fascists are evil and awful and terribly unnecessarily destructive, but they are not unbeatable, and they never have been. If we make the choice to resist them, then, well, they can be resisted. It will not happen by posting vaporous screeds on social media, or sitting on your ass and waiting for some miraculous savior/revolution/whatever to swoop in and save you, but it can happen, and it can work. That's what is very hard to remember in the current Horrors, but it's the way it's been for as long as there has been evil. It is not the be-all and end-all of the human experience and never will be.

Likewise: if a la the second anon you're being surrounded with people who are saying stupid things and making you feel worse: just don't be around them any more. It's that simple and you should do it. You can unfollow people who are posting defeatist rubbish, or you can avoid spending time with people railing about how everything is already doomed and voting is useless, etc. You may feel guilty because these people are your friends or you don't want to cut off contact, but you need to do what is best for your mental health, and if all you hear is BS, then, yeah. Pull the plug, cut the cord, do whatever you want. You do not owe anyone else your headspace, your attention, your mental health, or anything else, especially if it is demonstrably idiotic and incorrect. Find ways to do something. Go out and volunteer. Put down the phone (again, this cannot be overemphasized) and stop looking at doomerists on Twitter who get their engagement fix from making you upset and angry. Read a book, watch a TV show, visit a friend in real life, take a walk outside (if you don't live in a furnace, which unfortunately a lot of us do right now). Just sit and close your eyes and meditate. Stretch or move your body. Drink water. Super basic ordinary things that get you away from the increasingly frantic death spiral mindset and put you back in the reminder that things are never over and there is still a lot of time for everything.

As I said: I am doing this myself right now. It is not easy. I know it is not. I wish that we lived in a kinder timeline where this was not necessary, but as Gandalf says, nobody ever wishes for this and yet it happens nonetheless. But we can still control how we react to it and identify the things that are doing their best to make us feel terrible and doomed and hopeless, and make a choice to move away from them. We do not know what's going to happen, no. But we also do not know that everything is doomed, and you know what, it usually ends up not being that way. So that's what I can offer for now. Courage.

[angelshizuka]

And today on why I don't like saying what items I ordered until they arrive...

I already felt like something was off, because the package was way too small and light for the products I ordered and turns out I got a package meant for someone in China, which is like the other side of the world for me.

My order included already sold out items, so fuck me, I guess... And the package I did get only contained one item twice, so I feel like I barely even gained anything from this mistake (it's the sketchy IMP holiday pins, so at least it's characters I like and an item I didn't already order myself).

Welp, only been buying off Shark Robot for barely half a year and already experienced a package damaged during transit, being sent the wrong item and now being sent an entire wrong order... and yet people wonder why ordering online and the shipping process gives me anxiety.

At least the other orders that arrived today are fine and I hope nothing goes wrong with the apparel orders that still need to ship.

On a more positive note, I feel comfortable now to say what the damaged order from back in August was. I bought the smol and adult Stolas and Blitz plushies, but the package opened during transit and only adult Blitz made it to my apartment (I at least hope the lost plushies found a good home...)

I'm ngl, I was so upset about that that I stored Blitz away and pretended he didn't exist, but luckily the other plushies finally arrived safe and sound today, with bonus IMP mini plushies.

Photos will follow later, I am both physically and mentally exhausted...

[frodothefair]

Nisilë vs. protracted SSRI withdrawal, an update.

Welp, here's a health update. As some of you may know, in early 2023 I tried an anxiety medication that I've taken before, had a bad reaction that was initially not recognized as such, and then when I started to get off of it, I had a different bad reaction, which turned into so-called protracted withdrawal. (For those interested in the topic, there's a website known as Surviving Antidepressants, a support group for people in my situation). Apparently, now I have to go off this medication over the course of several years, and I hardly wanted to be on it in the first place.

Anyway, things are a lot better this year than they were last year. The bottom line is that with this condition, things do get better, it just takes an inordinately long time. This time a year ago, if I had a good day it was a miracle. A lot of the time, I felt like I was having a low-grade panic attack, or like I had food poisoning, or like I was hungover. Whether or not I got sleep on a given night was a game of Russian Roulette.

This summer, most days are good, but I still get symptoms every few weeks, or when I encounter certain triggers. One trigger was a simple cold. Another was particularly spicy food. So I've cut out anything that could stress the nervous system: alcohol, coffee, spices. I'm fanatic about wearing a mask in public and avoiding travel. I won't get on a plane unless there's an emergency, because idiots fly with COVID all the time. (I personally know two such people).

But while I could take or leave it with the coffee, the alcohol, and the spices (I'll probably be healthier for it, in the long run), I was absolutely gutted when I learned of another trigger.

I can't do even the lightest exercise for more than 20 minutes, particularly when it's hot. I tolerate it fine in the moment, but the next day I feel like I've been poisoned, I may struggle to sleep, and I get panicky even when there's nothing going on. You'd think exercise would be helpful, but no. It has an invigorating effect, but for me that invigoration becomes over-activation.

So now, where does that leave me? I can forget about travel, because how realistic is travel without at least some walking? I can't sit on a beach or go swimming, and I used to love beach vacations; Hawaii was everything two years ago. I used to be an active person: there was no physical activity I could not do: hiking, biking, skiing, tennis, lugging suitcases up five flights of stairs when there was no help available... I did not do any of those things particularly well, but I had the strength and the physical prowess.

What's worse is that I've been wanting to get back into exercise. I've never done it regularly before, but I'd grown efficient at my job and I hardly take my work home anymore, so I finally have the energy and the time. I'm also in a place where I'm ready to make changes. For instance, I've stopped biting the insides of my mouth, and I'm doing my continuing medical education credits after I get home from work, rather than procrastinating until they're due. I also count my calories again, though without exercise the weight loss is painfully slow.

Anyway... I was in a funk about the above for a while, but I'm happy to say that I'm over it. After all, the mantra on Surviving Antidepressants is "this, too, shall pass." Someday I'll be able to hike and go to the beach again, but for now, I'm ripping through my continuing education requirements, I'm editing old work and putting out new work, and I'm happy to be alive. I am right where I want to be, for the most part.

[generalallxsanjishipper]

Icon made by: me

Hi! Welcome.

This is Generalallxsanjishipper's blog

(A long ass nick, I know.)

*stares at the (not many) but 100% "Yes" votes that was in the poll* (How the hell am I supposed to introduce myself? I have no idea, but okay, whatever—)

Killian here! It's not my real name, but it's my art name. I can be called Isa or Bibi as well. My real name is Barbara.

I'm from Italy and I'm a 2001 girl, She/her pronouns, bisexual, introverted, Virgo (too much of a perfectionist sometimes. Ops)

I am a Writer, a Screenwriter and an Artist. I even went to an art school, but the only thing that I learned there is anxiety. Yey.

I love reading. Like tons of books, but for whatever reason I stopped entirely reading books written in Italian and now I'm constantly binge-reading english stuff.

As a Writer, I create tons of Own Characters, yes. I have honestly so many OCs that it's hard to keep track of them between Original Works and Fanfiction. I have to admit that I never wrote as much fanfiction as I'm doing during those last years, mostly for bad experience with criticism in my first fics. But apparently I got over it after randomly starting to write little One Shots of a few different fandoms. It excalated, now.

To read my stuff, you can find me in AO3, Efp and Wattpad under Killian44peeta's nickname. Even as an Artist, you can find me with that nickname on Instagram. I DO NOT have TikTok and I DO NOT intend to have it. If I change my mind, it's gonna rain for months lol.

I have many, many fandoms.

Listing them all is impossible, but my obsessions usually stuck the most when I have a "main crush" in said fandom. If not, they are fleeting at best... And usually the same main crush is the one that I ship with most people (Not always though).

Yep. I'm a multishipper, pro LGBTQ+ and I love polyamorous relationships.

When I hate a ship, I just hate it. No matter how hard you try to change my mind. Still, I'm of the "live and let live policy" because, damn, ship wars are boring and if you dislike something, YOU BLOODY IGNORE IT.

YOU DO NOT STUPIDLY FIGHT SOMEONE AND SAY TO THEM TO K*LL THEMSELVES BECAUSE THEY DO NOT SHIP YOUR PAIRING. THOSE PEOPLE YOU SHIP DO NOT EXIST. THEY ARE JUST A WRITER'S FANTASY. NO NEED TO BE SO STUPIDLY CHILDISH. JUST CALM DOWN.

*takes a deep breath*

Thanks.

A few examples of my main crushes:

Animated ones first.

Sanji, Corazon, Reiju and Vivi (One Piece), Douxie (Tales of Arcadia), Zuko (Avatar), Mika (Owari No Seraph), Levi, Jean and Yelena (Shingeki no Kyojin), Akashi and Kise(Kuroko no basket), Gwen (Total Drama), Megara (Hercules), Dark Bloom (Winx Club), Hijikata (Gintama), Hyoga, Eden, every Virgo Saint ever except Shun (Saint Seiya+), Shiro and Pidge (Voltron), Lust and Roy(Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood)

Not animated crushes (directly the person, not the role, because if not the list would be sooo much longer, ok)

Daniel Sharman, Danielle Campbell, Colin O'donoghue, Richard Armitage, Ian Somerhalder, Josh Hutcherson, Zoe Kravitz, Tom Ellis, Hayden Christensen, Bridgette Mendler

(am I forgetting someone? Probably. Sorry)

Welp. I dunno what else to say. Hope you have fun inside my blog? If you wanna be friends (chat here, on Discord, WhatsApp... ) and ask questions I'm okay with it? If you wanna talk with me about (my, yours) stories, I'm DEFINITELY okay with it.

:D I love to rant about fanfictions and original works. I love ranting about ocs and headcanon about characters. Yes.

(do not kill me if I don’t answer immediately, I have a life/I need time to draw/I need time to write)

Bye.

-Killian

[annebelle93]

Oi meus horrores! I’m sorry for the one year absence, life’s been hectic in 2022 Brazil. But I thought I might brake the fast with a little fun headcannon as I go through the requests and write then! Thank you so much for the mutuals that came to my private messages to check on me in the long year, you guys are AMAZING! Without further ado

Things my family said with top “The Brothers energy”: Spouse edition!

• Lucifer

Text with a silly selfie while spouse at work: “guess who’ll be half naked eating pizza in bed now” Reply: “For the love of God, please let join you” “Love of god? I thought you were against God” Reply: “listen very carefully because I’ll only say this once, if it means being with half naked you, I am willing to swallow my pride and ask assistance from a vengeful inhuman entity of my dislike.”

• Mammon

Spouse, who is a computer engineer, playing on on-line cassino for fun, after lecturing me not to do it because it is made to make you lose money. “Didn’t you say this Is made to F you up?” Spouse roll eyes and smile confidently. “Maybe you, I’m build different” Loses ridiculously small amount of money. “Welp” throws phone away “time for onlyfans, I guess” “Oh, so you lose money gambling and now I have to sell feet pics?” Looks at me really confused. “What? No, why’d I be sharing your glory with the world? No, I’m doing onlyfans, you’re taking the pictures”

• Levi

Me distracted going through the phone waiting for the pump to fill the gas. “Amor, have you decided yet the song you’ll use in the wedding?” Spouse begins to fidget, look slightly insecure. “I kind of thought of one, but I’m not sure you’ll approve it” remains silent “Go on” “Before you say no, keep an open mind, please! It is a very important song for me, from my childhood, and if you’re willing to pay attention to the lyrics, you’ll see it’s very pretty too!” Plays ‘Dragon Ball Z’ opening song on radio, apprehensive. (The Brazilian version is indeed very well translated and is, overall, a really nice song). “Make sure to write it down, so I won’t forget when talking to the musician” goes back to the phone. “Is that ok with you? You won’t say no?” “Wouldn’t I be a hypocrite if I did? I want to use ‘Howl’s moving castle’, which is a movie, but technically an anime too” Proceeds to hold both my hands with a teary look. “I’m literally building a shrine for you in my closed when I get home”

• Satan

Spouse laying on the floor playing with my cats, trying to lure the calico one (who is very apprehensive of humans) out. “Here, Fionna! Come play with daddy!” “Excuse me, ‘daddy’? These cats are mine, you’re step dad AT MOST” “Babe, love, light of my life” gets up, holding my hands with a fake smile “the moment you said ‘yes’ to me, you are sharing half of your life with me, that includes the cats” “No, but…” “That includes the cats” looks deep into the eyes, with a determined expression “and make no mistake, I am willing to battle you in court for them. I wouldn’t like to, but I am willing to.” Looks at spouse silently “it would be a bloodbath and you know”

• Asmo

Me in front of mirror trying to close a pair of jeans after returning home from carnaval (for those not familiar with Carnaval, it means that I basically spent a whole week walking all over Rio feeding exclusively of fast food and alcohol from 7am to 9 pm, EXCLUSIVELY). “Amor, do you think I’ve put on weight?” “Hell yeah you did!” “Why do you sound so excited?” Replies without missing a single bit, “more ass for me to grab”

• Beel

“Let me just say how happy I am you decided to work out, amor!” Spouse says at lunch “Me too, I’m sleeping better and it’s definitely helping with the anxiety!” “Sure, that too” “Is it because I’m hotter?” “You’ve always been hot” serving a second plate “it because now you’re hungry all of the time and let me be the first one to tell you, your cooking is exquisite when you’re hungry! Also I’m very happy that you’re eating like a human being and not like a little bird”

• Belphie

4 am, me cleaning the bathroom in the middle of a insomnia crisis. Spouse gets up and looks very confused. “What are you doing?” “I don’t know, I’ve been feeling really hyper lately and sleeping kind of feels like a waste of time when I’m hyper.” “No!” Proceeds to grab my hand and drag me to the bed, with an angry expression “in this house we don’t say such heresies”

For those who haven’t seen it, I have a nephews edition right here! I hope you enjoy it!

[claratyler]

Welp this is it. I guess im coming out in the funniest way possible. A clarinetist friend asked me to write a piece for him for a program he's putting together for 2025 thats all about contemporary repertoire by lgbt composers. Soooo. Yea. Im not going to say anything but i guess i if i say "hey come to this concert! Its all contemporary clarinet repertoire written by lgbt composers, and theyre playing one of my pieces" well. I guess the cat will be out of the bag

The funniest thing is ive never even told this guy that im whatever it is i am, he just knew since he met me back in my first year of uni and it used to give me so much anxiety 🥲

[stomp-of-the-angels]

Hello friends of the void. It's been quite some time since I've ranted. Forgive my absence. My anxiety is on high as I was trying to go to bed. Might not have an actual point to this but I need to speak to someone. I do not judge you if you don't read this, so don't feel obligated to read it if you don't want to. So I'm just going to talk about what I've been up to over the years. Few years back I moved away from all my family and friends to start over fresh in a new city. As a means to better myself and my mentality. Moved in with an old friend of mine and his boyfriend in their studio apartment. At the time I had a couple months before my next job started. Survived on the money I saved up to move. Left with only a backpack, a suitcase, a box of clothes and a couple other assorted things that could fit in a small sedan. After a bit of time I started working on a conservation crew, worked in difference preserves and nature trails. Went camping for a week to work on 3 different trails at Enchanted Rock State Natural Area. Took a trip for work to Virginia and work with the Virginia Department of Health for a month. Worked on a fuels mitigation crew to reduce the latter fuels with shaded fuel breaks. Became a certified wildland firefighter, twice. Worked with the fire department on prescription burns. I became an uncertified "Arachnologist". I currently own 40 tarantulas, plus other arthropods. As well as an Eastern Tiger Salamander, bearded dragon and leopard gecko. I currently work with exotic native animals. I take care of exotic animals ranging from toads, box turtles, snakes, lizards, (more) tarantulas, quails, roadrunner, hawks, owls, vultures and alligators. My baby alligator is 11 months old and named Cheddar. I hand feed my vulture Chico, if she's not too frightened by passerbys, and sometimes my hawk Sunny, if he's feeling up to it. I've made some friends and lost a few. I've been by myself for a few years now and I've had my time to think. I've met many people and made lots of friends, I've gone to big concerts and small house shows. I've met bands, had drinks with a few. I've worked on different conservation crews and worked with different people every few months. I've worked with firefighters, health department people, construction crews. A multitude of people I've met in this lifetime, and yet I feel like I don't even remember who half of them are anymore. It's always new people and those who I do end up knowing for longer periods still end up phasing out of my life. Like a constant cycle of meeting and forgetting. I don't see it as a bad thing, although I don't necessarily see it as a good thing either. My friend group is small. It only consists of coworkers. I don't think I've made a single friend here that I'm in constant communication with that wasn't from work. Is that weird? Probably not. With that being said, I honestly don't believe I've had any sort of romantic interest in anyone in many years. I'm not upset about it, on the contrary, I'm actually quite appreciative of my status. I've got good friends, good roommates, good coworkers. None of which needing to be squandered for no reason. I'm not young anymore, nor am I old. I've got my life ahead of me. If I stayed in my hometown I would be nothing. I would have accomplished nothing. Solely focusing on my thoughts and feelings of my past. Not focusing on what I could have been doing to change. So in a blind leap, I venture into something different. No longer thinking of my past, thinking of only my present self and what is before me. I'm now here in this house with my family of pets. It took years of change but I didn't even notice it pass. Used to think I was happy where I was at. Now I think I can actually say I am. Welp. My heart rate has subsided and I seem to have calmed down. Might be time to call it a night. I've got animals to take care of tomorrow. Goodnight everyone and if you made it this far, I love you. Thanks for listening if you did read through, it's appreciated.

[lynaferns]

I had a conversation earlier, about how I want to change my bedroom. Because it doesn't feel like my room.

My father made my room when I was "still" a toddler (is 4-5 years old considered a toddler?) with materials I randomly choose from the store because I didn't know why we were in a random store after school, I just wanted to go home. Turned out I was choosing the room I was gonna live in for the next 20ish (maybe 30) years.

Now whenever I have anxiety I take off one of the decorations he made/bought for my room. I took off the shields from the walls, the crosses, the wooden sword, the frame with a picture of the virgin María with a text I was never able to read the font (the theme for my room was pirate ship btw. No, it never felt like one). There are still a couple of shields and swords left but idk where I would put them because they'll take space elsewhere in the room, and I don't want to throw them away because my father handmade and painted them (just one of the swords but did all of the shields).

I want to change the walls, but that would mean I would have to take all of my stuff and furniture out of the room and be elsewhere while it's being done, and the thought of it stresses me out. Besides, my father would be the one doing it, but I know he would not make them the way I want them. He tells you he's going to do X and then he goes and does Y.

I don't even know how I want my walls to look like. I just know I don't trust my father to do my room because when I talked to him 2 years ago about the idea he told me he'll only do 2 of the 3 walls (4th wall is a huge closet with slicing mirror doors, so can't change that) because the 3rd wall was the only one that turned out good, the other walls have imperfections or humidity damage. And there I was like, welp, fuck you (didn't say that) if I'm changing the walls of my room I want the 3 walls changed. "No but that one is the good looking one" I don't care, I literally. Don't. Care. I hate it. It's my room. I hate how my room looks like.

I'm making 22 in nearly 2 months. I want to feel like I have more autonomy over the walls that surround me. Everyone close to me or that I see daily on the internet does whatever they want with their homes. I want to do whatever I want with my room.

The same topic came out someday of this year and he told me he was willing to do the 3 walls but I don't feel comfortable with the idea of him doing it now.

I'm probably going to have to wait to live on my own (with a roommate, I don't trust myself to live alone) to finally have a will on how the house is going to look like. But until then the only thing I can do is take down everything that isn't stuck to the walls and hopefully next year hang up stuff that I actually like.

I want to hang up my art in my room and frame it. I want to have a cork frame and stick whatever I want to it and make a mood board. Have my collection of cool random stuff I found displayed on the shelves. Be able to take out the piano without having to take off of it first the crap I didn't want in the first place and didn't know where to put and learn to play it again. Have enough space in my desk and learn to do clay figures and masks of my favorite characters and OCs, and learn how to sew so I can make the clothes that I want, and make costumes, and rag dolls.

I could have started this years ago but- whenever I take out stuff off my room to make space and start somewhere- more stuff appears out of nowhere, and I take out more stuff- and more stuff I didn't ask for appears and I have to keep taking out the crap. And it comes to a point where I have to fill my room with crap so he doesn't find any space free, so nothing more gets inside, but my room is still filled up with crap.

It's 7:45 am, I'm tired and I feel like I'm just whining at this point.

I'm going to bed now.

[alohaasaloevera]

PART 2 TO MY CHRONIC NOSEBLEEDING LANCE!! MORE BACKSTORY LMAO

(THIS WAS NOT BETA’D I WILL CHECK IN THE MORNING)

(For @is-this-anxiety, who couldn’t mentally handle the first part.)

Part 1

—

“I am completely fine with Keith and James being together!” Which is obviously a lie, but anyways, “But I am Keith’s rival! It’s Keith and Lance, neck and neck, not James and Keith, neck and neck!”

“Calm down buddy,” Hunk sighs, instantly regretting his choice of telling him the gossip, “I’m sure they’re just ignoring all the unwanted attention they’ve been getting recently. I’m pretty sure the rivalry doesn’t even matter to both of them.”

Lance’s heart breaks into at the implication (ok, it wasn’t really implied, but still!) that the rivalry he had with Keith was nothing more than a one-sided desperate attempt for the other to notice him—which, kinda actually was.

“But,” he still tries to reason, because his mamá didn’t raise no quitter, “Rivals don’t kiss each other!”

“That didn’t stop you.”

Shit. He’s got a good point.

“Whatever. I’m leaving.” He says, ripping off the non-existent blanket on top of him and pouting like the totally mature 22-year old he is. “I promised mamá I’d work on the farm.”

“She was actually the one who insisted you stay in here for a day or two! The Garrison was pissed, since they needed you to come to work this week for whatever reason.” Hunk grimaces, “Iverson needed to have a talk with you.”

Lance immediately (but lightly) cannonballs back into the bed, groaning as the reality of staying here for more than an hour sinks in. “Did anyone else come?”

“Everyone else was busy,” Hunk states flatly, “But I did hear that Keith actually came here a few hours ago.”

“Well, of course he did. He was one of the closest to me when I passed out, so he probably took me here.”

“Lance, you’ve been knocked out for like a day. I also heard that he looked very, and I mean very worried, so worried that he literally slammed the doors open when he entered.”

Welp. Now he’s going to go down a rabbit hole of wondering why Keith decided to come here, especially since they haven’t been talking as much recently.

“He’s probably just sad he doesn’t have good ol’ Lancey here to fall asleep with,” He jokes, before instantly shutting his mouth.

“And what do you exactly mean by that?”

—

Keith presses Lance’s contact and calls him. Said man is downstairs, but asking what he wants through call will be a million times less embarrassing than if he did ask face to face.

His phone rings two times before Lance answers, “Keith? What’s wrong?”

“Can you… talk about your day?”

“Why? Is there anything wrong? Are you dying? Oh god, I haven’t even taken you to see my family in Varadero—” He hears papers being pushed away and the sound of a pen clicking frantically, before Lance screams, “How much time do you think you have? It’s awfully sweet, I must say, that your last dying wish is to hear me ramble! It has been an honor to—”

“No, Lance. I’m not dying. I just… miss your voice.” And damn, if he’d be lying if he says he doesn’t want to suffocate himself with his pillow right then and there.

“…Really?” Lance says, a hint of skepticism in his voice.

“Really.” Keith confirms.

“Ok, but why do you want me to talk about my day? That’ll take like… a bagillion hours.”

“Because—” Keith stops for a moment, contemplating whether or not he should tell Lance about what he wants. He thinks about how Lance will probably laugh at him for even suggesting it, but then he remembers how caring Lance actually is, and the most he’ll do is awkwardly laugh and end the conversation. “Because I plan to fall asleep to your voice. It’s calming.”

There’s silence for a good while, and just when Keith starts to think this might have been a bad idea, Lance responds with: “So.. basically you want me to read you a little bedtime story? Does poor wittle Keithykins want Papa Lance to kiss him goodnight as well?”

Fuck. “Ok, I get it, just—”

“No! It’s ok really, I don’t mind!

Keith’s expression of pure embarrassment turns into shock, “Are you sure?”

“Yeah! I actually have been dying to tell someone what happened at the farm today—my mamá was pissed!” Lance chuckles softly, and boy, does Keith have to muster up all his energy not to collapse then and there. “Is it ok if I go upstairs? It’d be awkward if someone came in here and asked “who are you talking to?”, and I’d have to say “I’m talking to Keith! He’s actually upstairs right now.”, you know?”

“O-ok. Sure.” He cringes momentarily when his voice cracks.

Keith instantly hears footsteps getting louder and louder as Lance scales the stairs, before plopping onto his bed with vigor. “Now,” Lance exclaims, squirming under the blankets, “Let the story begin!”

He did not expect Lance to actually come here. He definitely did not expect Lance to lay down with him. He turns around to face Lance, who is taking a deep breath, “So.”

“First of all, I’m working on the field, right? So we sell Juniberries all year. This one girl is with her mother, and she really wants some. Her mother says no. So she throws a tantrum in the middle of the line.” Lance groans, toying with the corner of the blanket. “And that’s not even the worst part! I politely tell the mother that she can have a bouquet, free of charge. And you know what this bitch says?” His voice lowers; disgust practically reeks from his body, “That she wouldn’t buy anything associated with Voltron, because they support, and have a Galran on their team.”

Keith is no longer half-asleep, fully interested in the story, “And what did your mom do?”

“Oh, you won’t believe this! My mom, y’know, the mom who has literally been described as a person who could kill people with her kindness, starts to cuss her the fuck out!” Lance is elated as he starts to recount his mom’s word for word bashing, the Spanish rolling off of his tongue rapidly.

“Mhm.”

“Wait! You aren’t even falling asleep!” Lance pouts, as if he had done all of that for nothing (which is partly true, but he did entertain Keith).

“Alright,” Keith snorts, rolling his eyes, “I’ll—”

“Nope!” Lance flat out ignores Keith’s attempt to go to sleep as he wraps an arm around the smaller’s middle and pulls him flush against his chest. “You are staying here from now on!”

Keith is grateful that Lance can’t see how much he’s blushing as he musters a measly “ok”.

As the story progresses, Lance begins to talk in Spanish again, this time his tone more relaxed in what seems to be a comforting manner, and that’s when Keith starts to feel drowsy. He practically melts into the mattress as Lance recounts his time playing as a Voltron Paladin with his niece and nephew, Nadia and Silvio. He smiles as he hears the story of the stray cat Lance encounters on the street on the way back home, frowning when Lance starts to note how similar he was to the fellow.

Keith barely hides his laugh when Lance tells about how frustrated he was when he looked in the fridge and the last microwaveable pizza was gone. The one Keith ate just a few hours ago.

When Lance notices that Keith’s breaths have slowed down and become more even, he thinks Keith is finally asleep. Instead of sneakily maneuvering out of bed (an art which he has mastered when cuddling his family), he makes his grip on Keith tighter, and since he feels bold today, he gives the lightest peck on Keith’s forehead.

What Lance doesn’t know, is that Keith was not asleep, and that he felt every single thing Lance had just done. Times ten.

God, Keith was so whipped for this man.

—

“Welp,” Hunk croaks, stifling a laugh, “That was a lot to take in.”

“I knowwwwww,” Lance whines, sighing in the most dramatic way possible, dragging out that last part for a few seconds.

“Now, we do know one thing for sure,” Hunk types frantically on his phone, probably texting Pidge about how pathetic Lance is. He can’t seem to care though.

“What is it?” Surely, nothing Hunk can say will be worse than James and—

“You are so gone for him. Like OceanGate 2023 gone.”

“Hunk! Not cool, bro.”

“Sorry!”

—-

(I’M FINALLY DONE!! PLEASE HAVE MERCY ON MY EYES)

[samwhump]

for wincest wednesday what are your fave fanfic tropes w wincest

this was from two wincest wednesdays ago but I am an epic fail piece of shit who is only answering it now. I AM SO SORRY THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK <33333

I read an alarming amount of wincest fic lmfao - I could probably go on about this for seventy thousand years or so. but I'll try to keep it short(ish? welp.) by only doing my top five. or really, like...five tropes that I really love. idk if this even counts as a "top" list, bc I have so many that I can't say for sure what the order would look like, and I don't care to stress over it, lol.

in no particular order:

hurt/comfort of COURSE. if this was not #1 in my heart I would not have earned the samwhump dot tumblr dot com username. at any given time my brain is 98% Sam getting tortured (mentally? physically? sexually? emotionally? ALL OF THE ABOVE?? why didn't you say so???) and Dean comforting him as best as he knows how (which is usually like......not that well, lbr, but that's okay, that makes the angst even better)

mutual pining!!!!

time travel AUs. honestly, I can't think of a flavor of this that I wouldn't read, but my very most favorite is emotionally destroyed/heavily traumatized post-Cage late seasons Sam meeting young/brash early seasons Dean who vacillates between being thrilled that his Sammy chose to stay and hunt with him after all and horrified at what could have happened to Sam to change the headstrong baby brother he knows so well. (huge shoutouts to @according2thelore's time travel ficlets featuring early seasons Dean and Sam living with later seasons Dean and Sam in the bunker. sooooo fucking incredible. some of my all-time comfort reads.)

along those lines, Croatoan!verse Dean being transported to main timeline-land and being all fucked up over getting to Sam alive and whole and not Lucifer-possessed. bonus points for the two Deans getting all bitchy and jealous at each other.

idk if this counts as a trope, necessarily, but just like...casefics that take place in the early seasons and are just Sam, Dean, and the Impala cruisin' around the country and fuckin' shit up while they also fuck each other. like...porny road trip fic, I guess? like...it gets me all gooey and achey and ahhhh my shriveled gremlin heart loves their love.

ADDENDUM: I had to add a sixth one bc I cannot believe I forgot this but like. fix-it AUs!!! for things that I PERSONALLY think need fixing!!! voicemail fix-its, Samulet fix-its, Dean not throwing Cas into the nearest drainage ditch when he broke the Wall of Sam fix-its!!! these I love and need in my life. because I get horrible anxiety thinking about the things that the show did not address that I Need addressed in order to continue as a person in this world. ok.

[the-jam-to-the-unicorn]

Hey everyone ...

I guess, I'm back (more or less).

First of all, thanks for all the messages and the love. ❤️❤️❤️ It's really sweet of all of you to be so concernced about me. ❤️❤️❤️

I am getting better (sooner or later), so I'll try to be back and more active. On top of my list is finishing the new Showman and all the advent calendar fanfics as soon as possible. Please have a tiny bit of more patience. I'm very, very, very and deeply sorry about how this went and I wish, I could have managed to still upload the fics every day. I'll try to post them as soon as possible.

Also, answering all the messages and finally coming around to post all the content and check up on what I missed (on tumblr, with my mutuals, with Ze and Olena, ... - if anyone wants to update me, feel free to send a message ❤️).

And about what happened, for anyone who wants to know (putting under a cut for anyone who doesn't care which is totally fine):

I started to have back problems some weeks ago but I more or less ignored them. I was being very active over the last few weeks, did a lot of sport and increased the difficulty and on top of that was a bit stressed about several things in my life (like the whole eye infection thing but also other things). So I thought my back pain was a mixture of sore muscles and just stress. Since the back pain also disappeared sometimes or was barely noticable, I thought, it's probably nothing.

Oh boy, was I wrong.

Over the last weekend my back started to get worse but since I had a pretty intense training on Friday, I still thought it's just sore muscles. On Monday it got really awful and I started to have a lot of pain all the time, to a point, were I needed stronger and stronger medication and could barely move. On Tuesday my boyfriend dragged me to the doctor but since he was already gone, I got an appointment for Wednesday, believing that would be no problem (I was massively downplaying my pain since I hate, hate, hate doctors thanks to my anxiety - which sucks since I have super nice and awesome doctors but unfortunately my anxiety doesn't care).

Welp, I did not make it until Wednesday. By Tuesday afternoon I was in so much pain that I was basically crying non-stop and could only move with pain. In the end, my boyfriend put me in the car and we drove to the emergency room (anxiety and immense pain is not a great combination, so on top of all that - hello panic attacks; but bless my boyfriend for doing this and getting me help).

In the emergency room they drugged with the heavy stuff to stop the pain and ease my nerves and after hours, I was allowed to leave, with strong painkillers in my bag.

Next day I went to my doctor and ever since he's treating me with strong painkillers and therapy starting next week.

I needed some days to get used to the painkillers and give my body some rest (also because I was emotional and psychially drained - it was hard on my psyche since this was another health issue in a long row I had this year and I had yet again to go to the hospital). I'm not pain free, the pain is just managable. Sitting hurts after a short time, lying on a flat surface is okay, standing is 50:50 of being in pain or not so much.

I still have an MRT coming up next week. Let's see what that says.

I am on my way of recovery and my doctor said it needs up to two weeks before my back starts to get better, so at this point, I'm counting down days and try to numb the pain as much as possible.

No idea who cursed my health this year, but sincerely fuck you and find someone else. I've honestly seen enough doctors, hospitals, machines and medications this year.

[bambinotattoo]

I would change his diaper…just saying. lol.

Where do you all stand on the should your littles ask for a change or be told when there getting changed. With appropriate punishments for breaking mommy/daddy in house rules?

Personally, I have experienced both! When my issues started and I was wearing diapers just for bedwetting (and when my mom was in a good mood and would let me where just because). My mom expected me to come and give her the “sad face” and tug at her pants leg. Now, when I started being diapered 24/7 in my teens, I was so embarrassed about everything happening to me I would do ANYTHING to not bring attention to the fact that I was soaking my pants. But mom and the babysitters all expected me to tell them I was ready, most of the time I would climb up on my changing table and just stare at the ceiling until someone came around to check on me and see me laying there, usually my pants off and ready for the task.

Nowadays, if/when I have a sitter/mommy/daddy/etc I respect the don’t ask for a change rule! Mainly because diaper checks can be amazing and degrading all at once! That’s one thing I miss! It’s been 5 plus years since anyone checked to see the state of my mess. And I am craving them! lol. I’ve had some ideas for a few years and they are hardcore. lol. Imagine:

You and your diapered little are eating at a restaurant, let’s call it a busy lunch rush. People are all around and servers coming and going. Mom/dad be aware of your server and when they are about 20-25 seconds away, tell your little to stand up and come here. “Loudly” proclaim let’s check that diaper crinkle butt. Your little will stand before you quivering at the 6 strangers staring at you as your caregiver lifts up your shirt and exposes your crinkly secret! And right as your server arrives, make eye contact with them and ask “do you have a family restroom? This little stinker needs to get changed before they get a rash”

Your little will shed tears, and repeatedly ask “why” the whole walk of shame to get changed. And once again on the way back. I always appreciate a babyish diaper bag and making your little hold your hand both ways. For added OMG, make diaper checks and changes in public mandatory pacifier time.

You can pull off a similar maneuver while checking out at any store. The more strangers around, the more humiliated your pee pee machine will be

Been seeing a lot of “back seat/car changes” lately. You can do your check after putting your cart away, or where ever you want! Personally I’ve been changed in several cars, several times! Nothing more nerve racking than a change at a busy rest area, by the time your new diaper is on, you will already be filling it up with run off anxiety from that! lol A busy fast food parking lot is another good one.

Another one that caught me off guard was a check while clothes shopping and near or in the dressing room areas. I had a babysitter years ago that would take me clothes shopping, and specifically diaper me in the thickest, doubled, boostered diapers you’ve ever worn. I’m talking full on waddle. Once in the dressing room, and being helped with different things, isolate your little from the clothes they wore in, and have them standing in there in just a diaper (most usually big yellow pee stain) and time opening the door with scaring the hell out of your little. Obviously we’re not going to aggressively make our needs/kinks/etc part of anyone else’s story, but make your little convinced

Just thoughts!

(Here recently I’ve had this fantasy/idea of some caregiver(I need someone first) coming to my studio while I’m working a long session, and when I’m taking a break to visit with them, they start checking my diaper with no reguard to the fact that my client is right there! (And most of my Clients do not know I’m a pantswetter.).

Not only would that be humiliating, but when I need changed the care giver can lock eyes with my client and say “welp, before y’all can continue…he needs a fresh diaper. I can go upstairs and knock this out, or if you want to help, I’ll lay him down here and you can help change your tattoo artists stinky diaper.

I WOULD DIE. DEAD. I WOULD BE SHAKING AND CRYING. but fuck, that’s a story!

[dreamingticklee]

Hello! 😊

😅 How do you handle session nervousness?

🙈 What teases fluster you the most?

👈 Lees: Hands or tools?

🤷 Anywhere you’re not sure if you’re ticklish yet?

🫂 Aftercare of choice?

😈 Got any evil fantasies?

😉 How did you discover you were into tickling?

😅: communication and connection! if im nervous, i'll say so and it has been so wonderful that those ive been tickled by have been good friends that i had gotten to know and feel comfy with that know what i need in those moments if im having any anxieties about anything

🙈: welp agsjshsjs so many things 😶‍🌫️ stuff like calling me cute and fun to tickle, saying how you're gonna get me, commenting on my reactions, "what's so funny huh?", saying how you know i love it (and that you do too!), reminding me that i cant move or hide, saying that im all yours to tickle, praising me and using petnames, basically any teasing cause im easy to crumble and love it all lol

👈: im cheating and saying both! i do love hands the most and are my default fave as it feels more personal and intimate, but i do also love wreckage by tools and some particular ones get me really baddd 🙈

🤷: so i have been thoroughly tested and guess idk if i have a spot where i don't know if im ticklish yet, but i dont seem to be the most ticklish in my bellybutton specifically (am around it) but i really wish i was or maybe there is a secret way that hasn't been discovered yet? i guess i'll say i hadn't known my scalp was that insanely ticklish until one of those wire head massagers was repetitively used there while i was pinned and restrained and i screamed 😶

🫂: all the cuddles 🥺 and head kissies 🥺 and back rubs 🥺 and chatting about how things were and being reassured that im a fun lil lee and did a good job 🥺

😈: .....being restrained/pinned and gang tickled while being teased outta my everloving mind plsplspls 😳

😉: as far back as i can remember it was always something i was very fixated on while growing up- always wishing i would be tickled and doing the whole thing of staring at the word tickle in the dictionary or in other books and later looking up tickling online and silently freaking out if tickling took place in a tv show or movie. it's just always been a part of me! and it's been so wonderful and freeing in the past couple years having made some good friends that started here on tumblr along with telling several of my irl friends (and them being so sweet and supportive and even playfully tickling me a bit themselves since they know how happy it makes me) and it has all really unfolded into this fun thing i now get to indulge in with people i love 🥰

thanks for askin!

[randomcitizen98]

Idk what the proper protocol for announcing a url change is but uh….. TADA????

Thought it was time for a change so instead of Dominicana98 I am now RandomCitizen98!!

Some stuff about me….

I am in my mid-20s, living in the Southeast US

I love freaking out about DC, Disney, Marvel, Movies, Musicals, TV shows & all manner of things

Current hyper-fixations include 911 & Derry Girls

When it comes to interacting with people on the internet, I tend to suffer from social anxiety…. It’s that, combined with some other fun aspects (shout out mental illness) that make me a bit hesitant about posting stuff or even commenting on other people’s absolutely WONDERFUL posts…. I’m trying to be more vocal & active on these platforms but it’s a work in progress… Baby steps, as my therapist likes to say

I have had a Tumblr for many, MANY years but I’ve been actually active on it for maybe less than 2?? (& that’s not counting all the hiatuses I took during those 2 years). As such, I’m still not totally adept at navigating the hellsite but I love coming on here & seeing everyone else freak out about my hyper-fixations & post exactly what I’ve been thinking in my head

I mean absolutely no harm to anyone ever & if I ever unintentionally type something offensive/inappropriate OR improperly tag something which causes you to read something that makes you triggered or uncomfortable, please feel free to point it out (politely, as I tend to take things to heart) & I will make the necessary corrections after I finish offering my sincerest apologies

WELP, that’s all I can think to say right now…. My inbox is always open if you wanna know anything else or if you just wanna chat (I may not be the best at starting the conversations, but I will happily engage when approached). I am also on Discord (which is another platform I’m still not the best at navigating) if you wanna chat there (username is still Dominicana98) ☺️

If you’ve made it this far, I appreciate you for sticking it through til the end & I do hope you won’t be a stranger 🥰🥰